#the running away scene is still one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen

[batlove]

i'm rewatching the tale of princess kaguya and i forgot how much love i have for it

[almadelsur]

💋 The Secrets One Keeps

summary: You're in love with jj but he's with kie, so in moments of pure desperation you often find yourself turning to the person he hates the most...rafe

warnings: some good old angsty pining, very very slight smut if you squint, fem!reader, one or two uses of y/n, plz let me know if I missed anything

a/n: SHE'S BACKKKK, so I've decided to completely reformat and re-post this fic with a few tweaks and editing considering i first wrote this like 3 years ago, and yes for those of you who have been asking, I fully intend to finallly continue this fic....more info on that later ;)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・

JJ’s eyes change the moment Kiara steps into any room. Immediately his presence is ripped away from your immediate atmosphere, popping the little bubble you'd spent all afternoon crafting as he sprung up to greet the olive-skinned enigma that captured his affections.

“Kie!” The joy in his tone was incomparable to anything he’d directed at anybody else. Nothing could draw out such happiness from the blonde. You hated that about her.

In an attempt at self-defense, your brain shut itself off. Shielding you from processing the scene in front of you, your emotions ran cold like cement pouring down and across your neurons. It was the only way you could survive such a beating to your heart.

You figured that by distancing yourself mentally, you wouldn’t have to raise suspicion and distance yourself physically. In reality, you knew the real reasoning was your inability to stay away from JJ but the facade helped you cope.

“Hey J” she embraced him and his body relaxed around her as if she was the only source of his happiness. The only way he’d find alleviation from what he perceived as a shitty life being through her. “Sorry I’m late my parents had me running like crazy at the wreck today.”

Scattered greetings filled the air from the rest of the pogues, yet you could only focus on the way his eyes fixated on her like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Here come sit baby” he offered her the seat he had just previously been place holding. What you thought had been quality time with your best friend, presented itself to you now as momentary attention to pass the time until his actual desire arrived.

Settling herself down and offering you a wide smile, her shoulder bumped against yours gently as a sign of acknowledgment.

“Hey dude” she directed at you, but you didn’t reply. You just couldn’t bring yourself to pretend. Not today anyway. Instead, you offered her a small smile, it was minimal but it was the best you could do under the circumstances.

“Yo" A crumpled tissue paper flew at your head, jj attempting to refocus your attention on him, "didn’t you say you were gonna get some water or something?” He spoke up, the scheme evident in his tone.

“um yeah I guess” You lifted yourself up and took a few steps before jj used the opportunity to slump himself down where you had been sat and sprawled his arms across his girlfriend’s shoulders.

“snooze ya loose sucker” he joked as he turned to Kiara to start up some mindless conversation. Leaving you behind in the dust.

Your teeth gritted as you focused on making your way to the kitchen hoping the distance from the scene unfolding would lift the iron grip on your heart.

You made the fatal mistake of glancing back and you were met with the image of jj nuzzling up to kiara in a picturesque display of love. The lump building at the base of your throat indicated that it was your time to get the hell out of there before you broke down in front of everyone. 

“Shit guys, y’know what I just realized I gotta go” You spoke quickly, your tone matching your pace as you rushed to the exit of the chateau. 

“You’re still coming to the party later though right?” John B asked, not tearing his eyes away from the screen in front of him. 

“Mhm yeah sure” you opened the door ready to depart. 

“Shit I forgot about that! Me and jj are gonna be late, we got dinner at the wreck tonight.” kiara added as you stepped out, unable to control the escape of a rogue tear.

“Date night babyyyy” You heard JJ cheer before you slammed the door behind you. 

“Is Y/N okay? She seemed a bit off.” Kie nudged JJ as she questioned. 

JJ furrowed his eyebrows momentarily. Glancing out the window, he saw you jog away from the house, and a brief flash of worry flashed through his mind. As quick as it came, it dissipated. He shook his head figuring that if there had been something wrong, he’d have been the first to know. 

“Nah she’s okay don't worry.” he offered to kie.

Boy was he mistaken. 

——————————————————————

“Fuuuck me” you moaned out, sinking into him one last time. You were hot, sweaty, and heaving as you pulled him out of you.

“I thought I just did” Rafe taunted leaning back to lie down, arms crossed behind his head causing his taut abdomen to flex.

You scrambled off the bed, picking up your garments and shoving them back on your body forcefully.

“What, no pillow talk?” He tried again.

“Rafe..” you trailed off. Whenever you’d finish fucking, you’d struggle to even look at him. The self-hatred flooded your body as soon as the orgasm poured out.

“Hey you called me” he eyed you intently but you knew he didn’t actually care. To rafe cameron everything was just a game. At this point it was pretty much common knowledge. “In fact” he moved closer to you so that he could speak directly into your ear “It’s always you that calls me.”

“Don’t be a dick” you stood up and eyed your heels contemplating whether you could face the walk back in them. “You know it makes me feel like shit.” It might have sounded brutal but that’s how things were with rafe.

“Yeah, it’s like you punctuate your orgasms with self-hate.”

“I'm a pogue, rafe.” You argued back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“So? Kooks and pogues can fuck you know.” You couldn’t comprehend why you were even having this conversation. Why now, why tonight.

“Yeah maybe, not you though.” You didn’t want to tell him the reason explicitly.

“I fuck pogues.”

“You fuck anyone.” The words came out almost instantly and without thinking, yet rafe took no offense.

“Exactly so what’s the issue?”

“The issue is, rafe.” You paused trying to find the words without actually having to say the words. “The issue is that if my friends found out they’d hate me, probably more than I already hate myself.”

He just chuckled, the look in his eyes changing as he figured you out.

“What's funny?” You challenged.

“You don’t have to bullshit me princess.” He looked up at you with a devilish glint in his eye. “You just don’t want jj knowing about your little escapades huh?” Bingo.

“He’s with Kiara.” You shrugged him off.

“Uh huh, you like him but you can’t have him.” Every word he spoke striking a nerve deep within you. “So you’re fucking me to fuck him over.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You grabbed your heels and shoved them on, wincing as you buckled them up.

“Don’t I?” He threw his joggers on lazily as he stood, the level dynamics changing significantly. The older boy towered over you. “Where are they tonight?”

“Back at John B’s, we had a little get-together.” You crossed your arms. More often than not you usually called rafe after a few drinks left you feeling lonely. “Sorry, your invite must have gotten lost in the mail.” You attempted to jab at him with sarcasm yet he clearly held the upper hand with his line of questioning. 

“So all of them are there now?” He stepped towards you.

“Mhm,” You lied.

“Even jj?” Moving closer until your neck was craned upwards to meet his eyes.

Taking your silence as an answer, he reached up and ran his palms across your upper arms, prompting you to uncross them.

“He was uh- him and kie should be getting there soon” You mumbled.

“So would i be wrong in guessing, that might have prompted your call then?” You let yourself be guided by his movements leaning your neck further back as his hand trailed up to your jawbone.

“rafe…” you called out insignificantly.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against your neck, right over where he could feel your pulse, and pressed down.

You couldn’t help the gasp that left your mouth. Because as much as your heart belonged to jj, rafe was just so fucking good at raising your temperature.

“Round two?” He mumbled against your neck.

“Yeah..” you attempted yet it came out as a whisper. He grabbed you swiftly and lifted you, moving you across the room and throwing you down onto his bed, crawling on top of you in a predatory manner as he did so. As your back hit the bed, the ringing of your phone brought you back from the haze he had you under. 

“Wait rafe stop stop” you pushed him off and grabbed the screeching mobile, pressing it up to your ear. “Hello?”

“Dude, where are you?” The sound of jj’s voice came through over the pumping sound of music and party chatter. “Me and Kie just got back and John B says no one’s seen you for like over an hour.”

“Oh I’m uh, I had to go do something for my mom” The lie pouring out of your mouth caused rafe to chuckle which was of course met by a slap from you signaling for him to be quiet.

“Oh well, when are you getting back? I have to tell you about this date. You’re gonna be so proud of me I actually think I’m ready to tell Kie I love her” you screwed your eyes shut as he spoke.

“Yeah I- you know what I can’t make it back my mom needs me to stay and help out but uh I’ll see you tomorrow or something.” You hung up before he could even reply, throwing your phone down uncaring of its state.

“What’s wrong? They getting hitched?” Rafe spoke up from behind you.

You turned to Rafe, the fire in your veins pushing your arms to grab him, roughly pulling him back onto you.

“Just shut up and fuck me rafe.”

And fuck you he did.

——————————————————————

The next morning you woke up to the sight of rafe’s bare back. Not much of a cuddler, you figured.

Quietly you pushed the covers off and began to dress yourself back up. As you got to your shoes you sighed and shook your head, as if there was any way in hell you were going to walk home in heels. You scooped up your shoes and your now-cracked phone shaking your head, slightly ashamed at your outburst.

Without even a second glance at the sleeping body you were leaving behind, you made your way over to the door. As you turned the knob and stepped out to leave, a husky voice spoke up.

“I’ll keep my ringer on for you babe.”

You rolled your eyes looking back at him, “Fuck you rafe.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m counting on.” He didn’t even open his eyes as he answered, instead just rustling around in the bed and turning to the other side, once again facing his back to you.

You scoffed as you exited. Your internal rant clouded your vision, body on autopilot with an excellent self-navigation of the Cameron house from the countless times you’d made this exit.

“Y/N?” The gentle voice wiped your thoughts clean as the shock stilled you dead in your tracks, slowly turning to come face to face with none other than Sarah.

“Sarah” you drawled out. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s my house?” Her head was cocked to the side, equally shocked to see you.

“No I just mean- I thought you were spending the night at John B’s.” You forced the small talk, avoiding the topic of why you were here, sneaking out at 8 in the morning.

“He had to work today, did you spend the night here?” She glanced up at the door of rafe’s bedroom.

“Umm-“ There had only been two other instances where you had been at a complete loss for words. The day jj told you he and Kiara were dating, the morning after your first sexual encounter with rafe, and now this.

“Are you sleeping with my brother?!” She whisper-shouted, eyes wide as the realization hit her. Busted.

“No?”

“Oh my god!” She grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to her room, slamming the door as soon as you were both inside. “How long has this been going on?!” Her tone was loud and her hands wild as she interrogated you.

“Just a little under a year.” You sat on her bed and looked at your lap as you spoke. Reminiscent of a child being scolded.

“A year?! Oh my god!” She repeated. “Who knows about this?!”

With that, you looked up at her desperately. “No one. No one knows so please don’t tell them.” You didn’t have to name names for her to know who you were referring to.

“Are you two like” she paused “together?” She scrunched her nose up, disgusted at the thought of her bully of an older brother dating anyone.

“No god no. It’s just sex” you were just as uncomfortable as Sarah was, having to tell her about boning her older brother.

“Disgusting.” She turned away from you with her arms crossed, looking out the window.

“Look I’m not proud of it okay? Just-“ You sighed “Just please don’t tell anyone” pleading again.

Sarah let out a long sigh and uncrossed her arms. She walked over to you and joined you on the bed, her eyes showing concern mixed with something you couldn’t quite place your finger on.

“I thought you were into jj” she spoke softly, there it was. Pity.

“Yeah well, jj is with kie and instead of sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I decided to do something about it.” As the words left your mouth, you realized how weak the explanation was.

“So you just use rafe to bang the jj out of you.”

“It’s not like Rafe cares, if anything he’s also using me.” You tried to reason.

“I don’t doubt that. But I mean, that’s- It’s not healthy, you’ll never move on if you don’t actually process your emotio-“

“Look Sarah, I don’t need to do any of that shit okay? What I have here works, when I fu- when I’m with rafe, I don’t think about jj.” Tears began to swell in your eyes “Sleeping with rafe helps me forget about everything, even if it’s only for a little while he uh- he makes me feel good.” To an extent, there was truth behind your words, while you and rafe fucked the rest of the world went away. It was only after, that the crippling self-hatred hit you along with the return of your immense feelings for jj. 

Sarah shuffled over and threw her arm around you. “That’s not good for you, it’s just momentary. It’s easy and it's a cycle, you’re never going to get better going down this path. Especially not with rafe.”

“Rafe he’s- he’s not that bad.”

“Yes he is. But i bet it gives you satisfaction fucking him knowing jj hates him. Feels like revenge right?” She’d always been so perceptive your Sarah, you hated how she could see right through you.

Tears ran down your cheek silently. “You’re not gonna tell anyone right?” You sniffled.

She gave you one of those classic salt-of-the-earth Sarah Cameron smiles, the kinda smile that would light up any room she walked into. “Takin' it to the grave babe.”

A loud beeping caused both your heads to whip towards the window. “Shit, I completely forgot I was supposed to go on the HMS with pope and jj, we were gonna chill there until John B and Kie finished work.” She rose to her feet and extended an arm towards you. “Wanna come? Or we could drop you home if you’re not up for it.”

With a sigh you took her hand and pulled yourself up, walking beside her as you mentally prepped yourself to face the blonde you desperately pined for.

“Well rise and shine campers.” jj yelled out of the window of the drivers seat.

“Y/N! Where you been dude? you totally bailed last night.” Pope was next to speak as you and Sarah filed into the Twinkie. As JJ began to drive you avoided any form of eye contact in his general direction.

“I had to go help my mom out, blackout at mine again.” You didn’t even look at pope either, instead focusing your attention on the blur of trees and houses pacing by the window as JJ sped down the winding roads.

“Isn’t that what you were wearing last night?” pope, observant as always, pointed out.

“Uh yeah, I didn’t really get any time to change cause…”

“I called her last night when I got home, I was so drunk I don’t think I was ready to stop the party.” Sarah covered for you.

“Yeah I wrapped up helping my mom out and then this one calls me talkin bout a sleepover or something so I didn’t exactly have much time to change.” 

Thankfully pope had lost interest as soon as he had asked the question, otherwise, your overcompensating ass would have been caught out straight away. You always had to add to the lie until you felt like you had sold it completely.

Keeping your eyes trained on the outside meant that jj’s frown directed at you through the windscreen mirror went completely undetected. He always knew whenever there was something up with you and right there and then he knew something definitely was.

“Hey, you okay?” He didn’t need to address you explicitly for you to know he was talking to you.

“Yeah just tired.” You shrugged him off in an attempt to distance yourself from him yet again.

He knew you were lying but he didn’t understand why, you never lied to each other. Apart from John B, the pair of you were closer to each other than with anybody else in the group. You’d been best friends since kindergarten, and since then you’d sworn 3 things to each other.

1- You’d always share your snacks.

2-You’d always be best friends even if you argued.

 3- You would never ever lie or keep secrets from each other.

Of course, as the both of you grew older the rules became more and more lax. The snack sharing was limited only to when you felt nice enough and sometimes you’d go for days without making up if you had argued particularly badly. Having kept two friendship-breaking secrets from him, the childhood rules seemed pretty insignificant by now.

“Mhm,” he responded, flickering his eyes between you and the road. “Are we taking you home to change first?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll join you guys afterward though.” You chewed down on your nail anxiously as the tension from being in the same space as jj paired with the guilt from having fucked rafe prior, suffocated you.

JJ made a face as he focused on the road, something was wrong with you and he’d be dammed if he wasn’t going to put his everything into finding out what that was.

[earthnashes]

SOOOOOOOO. Arcane season 2, huh? Now that a couple of days have passed for me to marinate I think I'm ready to share my thoughts on the season. This WILL contain spoilers though so if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching for yourself first!

So! Overall, as a standalone season I feel like there are things Arcane excelled at and things that have lost its way a bit. For starters and easily the best part of the show: it's visuals. I've heard some complaints about how much the show cost but like. Brother. When I think of super expensive shows, THIS is what I think it should look like. At no point did I question the budget because it's made abundantly clear every penny is used to best use it could possibly get. And it resulted in what I've been calling a modern greek statue: a marvel, an incredible tapestry of just about every art medium you can think of woven into something so beyond anything I've seen in animation I have a hard time finding the appropriate words to express exactly how much I'm taken by it. This is a clear example of what art IS man and jesus christ. It's mindblowing. I can't praise the show enough for that, like it's literally the best looking thing I've ever seen in media.

Same with the sound design and music, particularly in the battle scenes. Something about the energy behind the sounds, like the clacking of Vi's gloves as shes revving up for a punch, or the reverb of metal clashing, the sound of how blows connect. Even the little things, like the distinct difference between footsteps, or the glitch-like sound that spiders in the backround before shimmer or the arcane is utilized? Like CHEF'S KISS BRO. God almighty it tickles a part in my head.

Just the visuals and sound design is fuckin tasty bro. A solid 1000000000/10

So now Characters. Season 2 managed to take the existing characters and really built off of what was already there. In my opinion the characters, particularly the main players, received additional depth and evolution in a way that made sense in the long run, and the conclusions they reached in their arcs felt like a correct conclusion. However, it's how they got there and how fast they get there being one of my complaints.

For starters: the love triangle between Jinx, Vi, and Caitlyn. I didn't appreciate how, for the most part, it felt like it took a backseat in this season when it was one of the driving forces of season 1. It's not JUST them though: the relationships of every character kinda fell away to the wayside for the sake of getting through as much of the plot as possible, but we're on these three right now so:

-I feel like a PROPER recouncil between Vi and Jinx was sorely needed. There were hints to it, particularly in Act 2, but we were kinda left guessing and having to fill the majority of the gaps ourselves. One of Vi's driving factors as a character is her relationship with Jinx/Powder; her unable to accept that she's changed in her absence. Act 2 opened the door in allowing Vi to learn about Jinx as she is and come to terms that, even if she's changed, she's still her sister and there's a chance to bridge that gap. Vice versa to Jinx, particularly because of Isha's presence; I have to assume by becoming an older sister herself, she begins to get an understanding of Vi she previously lacked and that really could've been a stronger catalyst in her recounciling with her. Had the sisters actually got more on-screen time together and really let the hope between them breath, I feel like the ending would've had a much stronger impact.

-Cait/Vi, as much as I enjoy the pairing, felt a little too disjointed. Act 1 was the strongest showcase of their relationship; a sudden escalation driven by mutual grief and attraction and genuine care only to be torn apart immediately after because of Cait's blind rage. Cinema. Beautiful. But immediately after, we don't really see either character work off that much in my opinion. Vi does have a spiral that was very well shown, though I do wish we saw more of Pit Vi and her descent.

As far as Cait goes I would've preferred seeing her spiraling in her own way; with how the third episode of Act 1 ended, I felt like the show was gearing up to showcase how much she allows her hunt for vengeance cloud her mind and take over her life, to do things her mother would have not approved of. Like bro she was so SURE she wouldn't miss (immediately after missing every shot she took up to that point) that she was willing to potentially kill a child for it. Ain't no way she wasn't constantly frothing at the mouth for some time, wallowing in Vi's apparent "betrayal" and in the grief of her mother's death. I DO like how she is seen questioning her actions but it just feels like a tiny snapshot. Had they continued with showing her questioning what, exactly, the hell she's doing (while continuing to go on with her reign), then seeing not just Vi but also how her actions has widened the rift between Piltover and Zaun, her finally being able to break herself off would've felt more weighty.

"What are you shooting for, young Kiramman?" Grayson once asked. I can't help but feel like that line could have had some very strong carry-through into this season; not only giving a proper callback to Grayson as Cait's mentor(?) but also cement Cait's inner turmoil between blinded by revenge, but growing to dislike what she's turned into to get it.

And the sex scene. Particularly WHERE the sex scene occurred, immediately after Jinx heavily implied offing herself to "break the cycle". Vi isn't stupid. I felt like it was extremely clear what Jinx was alluding to, and it seemed like Vi understood that with how she asked "What are you gonna do?" She sounded terrified and desperate. She has SEEN Jinx be suicidal in this season first hand, was all but directly asked by Jinx to put her out of her misery herself. You're telling me she immediately bones the shit outta Cait right after Jinx scampers off and seems to forget it?? I dunno man. :/ I wouldn't remove the fuckfest, but in my opinion there were better places to put it.

And overall in terms of the characters as a whole, there was just too many gaps and too little time. Vander felt like he was underutilized, particularly his clear fight in trying to get a hold of his humanity; could've really used him to push the running theme of people can change, but they're still the same person at their very core.

Heimerdinger got shafted I feel like. He had such a strong impact in S1, only for his death to be... well. Forgotten.

Mel's storyline was way too fucking short. Love the powers she got but they ultimately felt unearned; I feel like we could've spent way more time on her learning to control it to some extent. Her whole shtick in being cunning and one step ahead of everyone (much like her mother) could've played a stronger part here too, particularly because I don't remember the Black Rose being explained much, so it would've been nice to see Mel put her strengths into play to find out for herself and give her a more active role in her ability to fight back.

Ambessa was anticlimactic and I didn't appreciate how she ultimately perished. I wanted her to die, don't get me wrong, but the war in general felt waaaaay too short and her death too easy. I appreciate they didn't go full evil with her, and made her an embodiment of Singe's quote of "doing horrendous things in the name of love", but it kinda felt like her initial plot of using hextech to fight the Black Rose (I could be wrong here but that is what it felt like she ultimately wanted) kinda got... forgotten?

Victor's progression is the only one that felt mostly natural in it's pacing. But again, with how unstoppable his robot pawns were, I felt like they really robbed the final battle of any significant weight to it; Zaun and Piltover, fighting as one against a common enemy. One of the biggest payoffs in the show... felt underwheming and, again, unearned.

And the new characters didn't really get much chance to do much of anything. Loris felt like an important parallel to Vander given how many times he was shown to look and sorta act like him. I felt like he had a bigger role to fill but just ended up bodied. Maddie, at least, had somethin interesting goin on but I feel like she could've been made more impactful in her betrayal.

Overall, a mid 5/10. It wasn't terrible, but it definitely needed more time to really flesh everything out.

And finally, the plot. I personally really enjoyed the overall plot and it's opposing themes to season 1. Whereas s1 felt like "love is undoing" and veered into tragedy, s2 felt like "love is healing" and veered into hope; the sisters learning to accept one another, Vi and Cait mending the rift between each other, Victor and Jayce finding their way back to one another. Isha giving Jinx purpose and a new perspective on life, Vander returning and, even if briefly, managing to regain his humanity for his daughters, the list goes on. It's such a beautiful contrast to season 1, but that is part of why I strongly feel like Arcane NEEDED one more season.

Season 2 was too focused on getting as much story out as possible that it didn't allow the characters themselves to push it forward, and it was weakened for it. Had there been three seasons, Act 1 and Act 2 could have been the entirety of season 2, and Act 3 could have been the whole of a season 3, where we get to see the total climax of everything that occurred. Given the rumors of there being a strong interest for an animated movie (and I have a theory that it might be to continue the story of Arcane in some way), that might help with some of the contingencies if it's true, but that's only if the movie actually comes to fruition.

As it currently stands, my biggest critique of Season 2 was switching focus on making the plot drive the story, when instead it really should've continued the trend from Season 1 in letting the characters drives the story forward.

_______

My meds is beginning to kick in and I'm getting drowsy from it so I'll leave it here for now! TLDR: Arcane Season 2 was mostly good. I have my fair bit of complaints and thoughts on how I'd personally structure everything, but a a whole, pretty good! It's one of those shows where I would personally recommend everyone watch from start to finish to at least experience it in its entirety yourself.

Season 2 Rating: 7.5/10

[secondbeatsongs]

Hello, you said in some tags in a poll that Speed Racer (2008) is your favorite film. If you’re okay with it, I’d really like to hear more about why you love it. I love the Wachowskis’ work (they’re among my favorite directors), but I kinda ended up bouncing off Speed Racer (2008). So, hearing that it had a real impact on someone makes me very curious why. I’m not interested in criticizing your opinion or arguing with you, I’d just really like to know why you love it in the hopes I might be able to enjoy that movie more in the future.

oh god this is from seven months ago, I'm so sorry - but I do love almost everything about Speed Racer (2008) and I still think about it nearly every day.

I love that it's so bright and colorful and absurd. I love that it's an anime in live action form. and I love that at its heart, it is a story about love.

it's about the mistakes people make out of love, and the consequences of that. it's about the way children grow to understand why the adults around them make the choices they do, and maybe choose to do the same things. it's about taking risks for the people you love, and the pain of failing to change the world, because everything is capitalism and everything hurts.

(and it's also about being transgender btw. like, that's one of the main things about it - it is very much a movie about being transgender)

what if your father's choices hurt your older brother, and your older brother's choices hurt you, and now it's you and your younger brother staring down a future where you're going to end up hurting him by making the same choice?

and then...what if you can escape that? what if the broken parts put themselves back together, and the hope doesn't run out, and you're not alone with the things that haunt you? what then?

and now you're at the end and mistakes were still made, people were still hurt, but everyone's grown and changed and they're different now. and they've figured out that maybe, just maybe, you can change the world by doing something you love, by creating art and beauty and making people feel things.

maybe you really can defeat capitalism by driving a car really fast. and even if everyone thinks you can't...don't you have to try anyway? shouldn't you fight with the skills you have, the only way you know how?

what if it works?

and I'm not even gonna get into most of the Racer X stuff (because I want people to go watch this movie, and most folks probably won't be spoiled for it), but his whole deal is just...everything. I love him.

(if there's a guy from Speed Racer that I want to put in a jar and shake every so often, or maybe wrap in a blanket so he can have a nice nap, it's Racer X. he's a great character. prime blorbo material)

anyway I've been rotating this movie in my head ever since I saw it for the first time, and I think I've seen it...seven? times now? and I still cry at the final race, and I still get blown away by the intro sequence.

(the beginning of the movie is genuinely one of the best things I've ever seen - it does an amazing job of introducing you to the world and the story of the characters, and gets you emotionally invested in it right from the start. it's fantastic filmmaking)

also like. story stuff aside, from a technical standpoint, the movie is a masterpiece. it's the type of thing that people hated when it first came out, but when you look at it now and see how it was made, how it intentionally looks bizarre and cartoonish, plastic and surreal, you can see the exact vision the Wachowskis were going for, and it's brilliant.

the way they did the visual effects, the way they made the outdoor scenes feel so detailed, the way the driving and the tracks work - they put so much thought into that, and the behind-the-scenes vids show how cool their process was.

also uhhh cars go vroom, crash into each other, flip upside down, explode, maybe have bees and hammers in them sometimes?

(the above is me complimenting the unhinged vibe of the races themselves, which I love very much)

anyway I could make other full posts about the script of the film and how much I love it, or the cool side characters, or the fanfic potential of the amazing world of the film, or how I can prove that it's set in 1991...but I guess if anyone wants those rants, they'll just have to watch the film and then come talk to me. :)

(please. please come talk to me about Speed Racer.)

so, yeah! I kinda lost my mind there and made this post way longer than I intended, but I do feel strongly affected by this movie, and I hope this has helped explain why.

[messedupfan]

Chapter 20

Summary: The kids school is having it's annual end of year fundraiser, an adult only event for the parents of the school to make donations to the school fun. You bring Nebula as your date. Wanda gets a little help from Agatha. Jean and Anna decide to separate for sometime.

Dedicated to: Orange Anon 🧃 (HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!)

Warning: Some smut, a masterbation scene with fantasizing 18+

A/n: Hello!!! I have been dying to write this chapter since December!!! Glad to finally be here. Although, I haven't been able to edit much since I've been busy so major apologies for errors. Can't wait to see the comments for this one. Hope y'all enjoy!

Masterlist | All Stories Taglist  | All Chapters

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With summer break approaching, the school is constantly informing, or rather aggressively reminding parents about their end-of-year fundraiser. Wanda avoided the event last year because she was still deep in her depression and consumed by grief. The last thing she wanted to do was attend the same event her ex-husband and his beautiful young wife were at, especially at a time when she could barely get the motivation to get dressed up. Agatha tried to get her to come but she eventually gave up. Now that it's coming up, she can't help but think about the difference the possibility of meeting you sooner would have affected her life. Not knowing that you also avoided attending the event last year as well. 

“Mom!” The boys cheer as they run up to her at pick up. They give her tight hugs. It's not her week with them but Vision called her during his lunch to explain that things are tense at home and the boys have been asking to stay with her. She held back from commenting on his pattern of cheating and creating hostile environments in his own home. She doesn't need to fight with him or try to involve herself in his personal life again. All she needs to do is worry about her children. It's something that her therapist suggested and it's been helpful in these past several months. 

“Ugh, I hope you boys never grow up!” She grins as she holds them tightly. She doesn't want to see them tall and ignoring her as teenagers. She doesn't think she can handle the rejection. She likes them small and adoring her. 

“Ms. Wanda!” Rachel runs towards them instead of her mom who is standing a few feet away. She joins in on the hug. “Is Tommy and Billy's daddy on a trip again?” She says as she looks up at Wanda. 

Wanda laughs, “Something like that. Where's your mom?” She looks around the playground until she finds Jean walking towards them. 

“Hey! It's been a while since I've seen you,” she greets happily. Wanda has to pretend like she doesn't know the stunt that Jean tried to pull several months ago. The last thing she heard about your situation with your ex-wife was that things were getting better since the two of you started to focus on Rachel. Wanda thought that it was great that the two of you were getting along again, but she wasn’t quick to forgive what Jean tried to do to you. 

“Hey, Jean! It has been too long,” Wanda greets politely. Rachel steps away from Wanda and greets her mom with a hug that is just as tight. “How is everything?” 

“Oh I'm sure Y/n keeps you well informed,” Jean replies. It was true for the months that you were single and a couple of months after you found out about the weirdest kidnapping she'd ever heard of. But it hasn't been true for some time. Wanda is lucky if she can get an update on your life as it is. You have been occupying most of your time with Nebula. If it weren't for a couple of orders coming in from your online shop, she wouldn't see you at all. 

Unfortunately, even though you're working in her backyard on the weekends, the two of you don't talk much. She isn't sure if it's you pulling away or her but it hurt either way. 

“Not really,” Wanda says without her expression wavering. 

“Oh! Um, I've been doing well. How-How  have you been?” She asks as she runs her fingers through Rachel's hair. 

“I've been really great lately, yeah,” Wanda looks down at the boys with a soft smile. “I keep getting extra time with my boys which is fantastic.” She looks up at Jean again. Her eyes do a small scan of the woman. She is in her work attire but there is a coffee stain on her shirt that is poking out of her blazer. She has dark circles under her eyes. She looks tired even with a smile on her face. “We should catch up sometime,” Wanda says politely. Jean looks like she could use a friend. Thinking of it now, other than you, Wanda isn't sure that she's heard of Jean having friends. Maybe she has friends with her wife? She isn't sure. And right now, you're not in the best position to be her friend. 

“I'd like that a lot,” Jean replies. Her smartwatch starts to buzz and she sighs. “Work is calling. I have to get going. Come on love bug,” she takes Rachel's hand and starts walking towards the parking lot. 

“Are you guys ready to go home?” Wanda asks her kids and they both nod. She guides them out to her car in the parking lot. 

You are sitting alone on your couch on a Friday night thinking about Wanda. You've been doing everything that you can to give yourself some space from her. Nebula eventually asked about your friendship with Wanda during one of your dates with her months ago. The two of you were eating gelaties, a flavored Italian ice with frozen custard on top. You were enjoying the sweet flavors of mango ice combined with vanilla custard as well as the smooth textures of the treat. There wasn't a treat quite like it. Nebula was enjoying their blue raspberry ice topped with cotton candy-flavored custard. 

“So, are you and Wanda just friends?” She asked seemingly out of the blue. You weren't sure where the question was coming from. At the moment, you ran through every conversation you'd had with Nebula until that point to see if you mentioned Wanda more than you should have. But you can't come up with a number. 

“Truthfully?” You asked as you mixed the vanilla custard further into the mango ice. 

“No, lie to me,” she quipped with a slight smirk. 

“Okay, fair enough,” you took a deep breath. “I've considered becoming more than friends with her. But it was complicated. Then she made it less complicated when she rejected me.” You didn't want to lie to her the way that you were lying to Daisy. It nearly killed you during that time.

Nebula got quiet and her smirk disappeared. Even with the shop being busy with other customers ordering. Chats happened at the surrounding tables. Everything felt still in her silence. Everyone seemed to vanish completely, leaving only the two of you, sitting in an empty Rita’s alone. 

You watched her as you swirled your spoon around in your cup. She seemed to be in deep thought. You felt a slight panic tighten your chest and churn your stomach. 

“Is that a problem?” You finally asked. 

Nebula’s distinctive eyes connected with yours again. “No,” she answered. 

You couldn't tell if she was being honest or not. But you didn't question her. You just made a promise to yourself that you weren't going to allow your feelings to continue to grow for Wanda. A task that was easier said than done. 

You started small. Ignoring a text from her here and there. Well, not completely ignoring them. You just wouldn't respond as fast as you normally would. Then you stopped going by as much. Rachel's therapy appointments made it easier to stay away from Wanda’s for some time. But eventually, you began to miss her. You would call her whenever you got a chance to check-in. Then you fell asleep talking to her on the phone one night and you had to pull back on that as well. 

As fate would have it, you received two custom orders which meant you had to spend time at Wanda’s. She was excited when you told her that you had two projects to work on. The two of you embraced each other tightly. You closed your eyes and breathed her in. You missed her scent. You missed the way her body felt against yours. You missed her laugh. You missed her smile. 

You had to build more boundaries. Whenever you came to work in the shed in the backyard, you never went through the house. Even if you had Rachel with you. She would walk through the front door and you would slip in through the gate on the side of the house. You’d bring lunch and you'd leave before dinner. Wanda never bothered you. She seemed to understand that the two of you needed time apart from each other. 

The more you pushed yourself away from her. The more she invaded your every thought. You swore you could feel something pulling you towards her. It made nights like these difficult. Shortly after your conversation with her about Wanda, Nebula stated that the two of you were dating and non-exclusive. You were a little thrown off because you thought that she only wanted to see you. But you had to face the fact that she wasn't the only person you wanted to see. So you didn't get upset or argue. You accepted the status of the relationship. Nebula is on a date right now and all you want to do is be with Wanda. You wonder how much of her time Nebula is going to continue to waste on you. 

You open and close your phone multiple times. Hoping for a message from someone, anyone, so that you can get your mind to stop thinking about Wanda and what she might be doing tonight. That's when your mind gets stuck on the idea that she also might be on a date with someone. To your knowledge, she doesn't have the kids this week so she's available. 

You start to imagine her sitting in front of someone with her smile and it hurts. You don't want her to be with anyone else. But you do want her to be happy. You shake your head turn on the television and scroll through the streaming channels. You don't know what you're in the mood to watch. 

You throw on a movie you've heard about for years but never got around to watching. Your stomach rumbles so you get up and go to the kitchen to make something. As you start cooking, you imagine Wanda coming up behind you and wrapping her arms around your waist. It's so real you can feel it. Then you try to picture anyone else but you can't. You've had moments like that with Jean and with Daisy. But you couldn't visually remember them. You close your eyes for a second and sigh as you think about Wanda leaning her head against your back. You think about how you would lift your arm to get her to slip under and rest her head on your chest. You think about how you would kiss her as she hugged you from the side. 

The aroma of your food cooking snaps you out of the fantasy. You focus on cooking so that you don’t burn the building down daydreaming about your friend. As you sit in front of the television you realize that you left the movie playing so you start it from the beginning and pay attention while you eat. 

As you watch the movie, you start to imagine Wanda curled up next to you watching the movie with you. When you try to get rid of that image and focus on the movie, your mind wanders back to what she is doing tonight. Who is she with? Is she seeing anyone? Is she back to hooking up with random people? 

What if she was hooking up with you? You wonder. 

As the couple in the movie confess their feelings to each other you stop paying attention and start to think about being in Wanda's house. The both of you a bit tipsy from the Sokovian vodka. Her favorite because it reminds her of her parents and their culture. You're making her laugh because she gets your sense of humor. Then there's a moment when her eyes connect with yours. And nothing is holding either of you back. 

You kiss her and she holds your face to keep you close. You crawl closer to her and she falls back. You try to hover over her as you continue to kiss her but she pulls you on top of her because she wants you as close to her as possible. She needs you as close to her as possible. 

You look down at your hands as you imagine what her breasts would feel like. How firm is it? How soft? Would she prefer that you squeeze it roughly or would she like a gentle massage? You lick your lips as you imagine her nipples. How hard they would be. You think about tracing them with your tongue. You wonder what her sweat would taste like. 

You shove your hand in your pants to touch yourself as your mind continues to torture you with images of her. Your lips on her abdomen. The way her face would contort from the pleasure. Seeing how she might bite her lips to stifle her sighs. Your senses don't stop there. You start to hear her sighs. Her soft moans. Maybe she’d call out your name when you're doing something wrong. Or she'll beg you for more. You swear you can smell her now. Then finally, as you start to reach your climax, you imagine what her juices tastes like. You think about how you'd perform cunnilingus right then and there. Because there are no kids to worry about. No one to interrupt. It's just you and Wanda. 

You reach your orgasm and breathe heavily as you come down from your high. The image of Wanda fades from your mind. You sit there for a moment. Reminding yourself of where you are. Then you feel disgusting. How could you think of your friend like that? She is your friend and nothing more. You quickly get up and go to your bathroom to wash your hands. You change your underwear and replace your jeans with sweatpants. 

There wasn't a mess on the couch but you feel guilty for getting off on the couch your daughter watches her cartoons on and remove the covers on the cushions to throw in the wash. The movie’s credits roll and you flip on a random sitcom to try and lighten your mood. You sit on the single chair that matches your couch as you wait for the washer to be done. 

You sigh as you think about what you need to change in your life. Then there is a knock on your door. You check your watch as you frown. It's pretty late. You rack your brain as you consider the possibilities of people on the other side of the door. There's another knock, this one a little more rapid. You get up and shut off the television. You peer through the peephole in the door before quickly opening it. 

“Jean, what's wrong?” You ask as you let her and Rachel inside. 

“Anna and I got in a really big argument and we just couldn't stay there,” Jean says as she walks through the door. 

“Hey bug,” you smile at your confused and sleepy daughter. It was way past her bedtime and she was in her pajamas. You lift her in your arms and carry her to her bedroom. You tuck her into bed and close the door to her room. You look down at the door handle and sigh. You shake your head. You really hope this doesn't affect the progress that has been made over the last couple of months. You're going to contact her therapist in the morning after you get all of the details from Jean. 

“What happened to your couch?” Jean asks as she takes your spot in the chair. She has makeup all over her face. Her eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks are puffy. You scan her face to look for any signs of a slap or worse. You don't see any and you hope, for your daughter's sanity, that Jean didn't strike Anna. She might not be as understanding of something like that.

“I spilled something on it and threw the covers in the wash,” you sit on the coffee table in front of her. You try to keep your gaze soft and stay patient. But you really needed to know what happened and why Jean thought it was a good idea to not only leave her home in the middle of an argument with her wife but stay at her ex’s for the night. Disrupting your daughter's sleep in the process. 

She keeps her eyes locked on the stripped cushions on the couch. The corner of her mouth lifts. “Remember when we bought our first couch?” She starts softly and you can tell that her vocal chords are exhausted. You wonder how long she was in a screaming match with Anna. “It was white because it just had to be. It was the first big purchase we made with my discount at the store. Your grandma told us to wrap it in plastic and neither of us listened. We could hardly afford it at the time, but she offered to loan her set until we could.” 

You nod as you remember exactly what memory she is thinking of. “I remember,” you say softly. “You refused because you thought it looked tacky. But Rachel was two and constantly walking and running around. That sofa was covered in so many different colors of food stains before the end of the year, it became an entirely new couch.” You start to laugh as you're reminded of how horrible the smell was. “Gosh it took us months to get rid of the smell even after we tossed the damn thing out.” 

“Oh gosh,” Jean covers her face as she starts to laugh. “Don't remind me, I still sometimes think the smell is lingering in the house.” She moves her fingers through her hair and takes a deep breath. “Anna isn't so sure that she wants to be part of this family anymore,” Jean finally admits. 

“I'm sure the two of you will work it out,” you say to comfort her. There isn't much else you can say to her about it. This isn't the first time that Anna has expressed wanting to leave Jean. A few weeks before their wedding, Anna had even disappeared for two days after an argument then came back as if nothing had happened. “Come on, I'll get you set up in my room. I'll take the couch,” you say as you offer her your hand while you stand up from the coffee table. Jean takes your hand with a small thank you. 

“The argument was really bad. I know I shouldn't have left and I shouldn't have woken Rachel up but,” tears start to stream down Jean's cheeks again. “I just had to get out of there.” You nod and once you're in your room, you pull her in for a warm embrace. 

“Jean, did you stop taking your medication when you decided you wanted a baby?” You ask softly as you continue to hold her. You don't want her to blow up at you for asking the question, so it's better to have her restrained in your arms. 

She doesn't react the way you expect. She doesn't take offense to the question. She doesn't accuse you of trying to call her a bad mother. She doesn't deny having an episode. Jean breaks down into heavy sobs in your arms as she admits that both her and Anna decided to stop taking their medications just in case you came around to the idea. You hold her until she stops crying and leave her tucked into your bed. When the cushion covers are done washing, you throw them in the dryer and watch TV until they're done so that you don't have to worry about fixing up the cushions in the morning. 

You pull out the bed that's in the couch and make it nice for yourself to sleep on. When everything is fixed up the way you like it, you shut off the TV and turn off the lights. You check the lock on the door before climbing into bed. You look at your phone one last time before you officially call it a night. No new messages. You sigh and scroll through social media for a little bit. When you land on a video you find funny, you send it to Wanda first. Then you send it to Nebula. 

In the morning, you wake up to two notifications, one from Nebula being critical about the video you sent her and the other from Wanda thanking you for the laugh. You respond to Nebula first and ask why she didn’t find it funny and a few minutes later you’re reading a novel of reasons why the video is offensive. You don’t have any idea what to respond with so you decide to make coffee in hopes that it will help you come up with something. 

But as you make coffee, Jean wakes up and joins you for a cup. You talk to her about the fight she had with her wife and she breaks down as she reveals that last night was the biggest fight but that there have been many over the months since they can't afford the other options to have a kid. You get even more side tracked when Rachel wakes up and you help Jean make breakfast for everyone. It reminds you of the past. Being a small family of three when the most drama in your life was being a young parent and spouse. 

Rachel doesn't say much about last night. Just that she was confused when she woke up in this bed and not the bed at her other home. “Hey Rachel guess what,” you say with a little smirk and you watch her take a bite of her toast. Her eyes widen as the both of you rush to say, “I love you,” first. She spits toast crumbs as she does, some land on the table and some splatter on her mom. 

“Gross!” Jean complains as she uses napkins to wipe her arm. “You did that on purpose, Y/n.” You and Rachel share a laugh. It was a little game that started when she was a toddler and learning how to speak. It began because whenever Jean was feeling affectionate, she would come up to you and say, “Guess what?” You would pretend to be clueless because you wanted to hear her say it and she would say, “I love you, you idiot.” 

Rachel began to pick up on it and she would start to say, “Baba, guess what?” In her little voice. You would smile and respond with, “I love you,” at the same time as she would. Eventually it became a competition of who could say it faster. It was endearing to hear your baby girl get frustrated while telling you that she loved you. 

It has survived all of these years and you fear the day that she rolls her eyes and reminds you that she's not a kid anymore. 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” you say to Jean as you help clean up the crumbs from the table. 

“Whatever,” she shakes her head with a light laugh. She looks at her plate of food and smiles as she is thrown back into so many good memories of being a family. “I'm sad that I forgot about that,” she admits as she looks over at Rachel who is completely focused on her breakfast now. Jean starts to comb her fingers through her daughter’s soft red hair. She recalls how excited she was when her daughter's hair started to grow out as red as her own. Rachel took after her for the most part but there is still a lot of you in her. Her smile is yours. Her nose is yours. Her ears are all you. As much as you try to pin those on Jean. 

“It's not really your game,” you say from the kitchen where you're tossing the used napkins into the trash bin. “I’d have been surprised if you did remember it.” You say as you return to your seat to finish your breakfast. 

Jean rests her elbow on the table and sets her chin on the palm of her hand as she watches you. She can't help but feel a little regretful for not working harder on the marriage she had with you. As you eat, you become aware of her gaze on you. With a confused frown you look at her and she gives you an apologetic expression before she clears her throat and goes back to eating her food. You ignore it. 

Anna is sitting in her kitchen all alone, slowly sipping her tea. She ia taking the time alone to consider if this is what she wants. She did this before her wedding day. She was getting anxious about fully commiting herself to Jean and to becoming a stepmom and figuring out where she fits into this family that she joined. So she took a weekend to run off and get a hotel room. She sat in her hotel room alone for the most part. 

At some point, she went to the indoor pool to people watch. There were little kids that needed more parental supervision than they had. She nearly had a heart attack watching a toddler fall into the deep end of the pool. She quickly swooped the little guy into her arms and returned him to the fearful mother. The woman thanked her profusely but Anna waved her off and found herself saying, “I’m a mom too. I would hope that someone wouldn't watch and let my daughter drown.” The woman got excited and wanted to hear more about the daughter that Anna wasn't sure she should commit to. Anna happily talked and bragged about Rachel and realized how easy it was. Then the woman's husband pulled her away because they had plans to get to. 

Anna was left alone again. She sat on one of the chairs and continued to watch people. There were two girls that were being bothered by a single guy. The girls themselves were single but weren't interested in him. Anna looked down at her engagement ring and knew she didn't want to be single anymore. 

Anna looks at her rings now. She still doesn't want to be single. Her chest feels heavy not having Rachel bounce around the kitchen waiting for breakfast. She misses hearing the cartoons on the television. She misses her wife's presence. She doesn't know why she is pushing away her family as much as she has been. She just feels like she didn't understand what she was signing up for. She buzzes air past her lips as she thinks about how everyone has told her that the first year of marriage is the hardest. 

She never wanted to believe them but everyone was right. Even Jean said it. Anna would just roll her eyes and remind Jean that she was a lot longer the first time around. 

As a test, she removes her rings and sets them on the counter space in front of her. She looks at her naked hand and considers leaving them off. But she quickly shoves the rings back on and grabs her keys. She needed advice and the person she sought advice from the most was her mom. 

Wanda is sitting with Agatha as they meet for brunch with their boys running around Agatha’s house. “Are you planning on going to that fundraiser?” Wanda asks as she takes a sip of her orange juice. 

Agatha rolls her eyes at being reminded of the event, “As much fun as it would be to remind everyone who the life of the party is. I was planning on going but then my mother called. She fell and sprained her wrist.” Wanda shows her concern and Agatha waves her off. “She'll be fine. She sprained her wrist years ago and when she's lonely she throws the brace back on and calls me in a panic.” She drinks her apple juice. “I don't always go but she wants to see Nick before he gets shipped off to that summer camp that his father found. So I'm going to drive up and spend that week with them.” 

“Damn, I was hoping that we could go together,” Wanda frowns as she picks at the paint chipping from her finger nails. 

“You wanted to go this year? Even with Vision and his child bride attending?” Agatha leans in, intrigued as she looks her friend up and down. “I see, you want an excuse to see Y/n.” 

“Or maybe make them jealous,” Wanda says shyly as she moves the scraps around her plate. It’s becoming apparent to her that no matter what, she wants to be with you. She made the mistake of guarding her heart and telling you to find someone else. She wasn't ready to accept that someone as genuine as you exists. In the back of her mind, she couldn't trust that you are good. She was afraid that you wouldn’t stay good once you were in a relationship with her. She was afraid that you would change the way that Vision did. 

When Wanda realized that Vision was never good, she was able to stop putting that fear in you. She was able to see the light and see that the only thing keeping her from her happiness is herself. 

“Oh? Please elaborate on that,” Agatha scoots closer to Wanda. 

The brunette shrugs, “I don't know. I was thinking about showing up in some stunning dress. Maybe get my hair done. Kind of go all out.” 

“Were you thinking about getting a date? You have to have a date,” Agatha suggests as she gets excited about the idea. 

“I don't know, would that be too much?” Wanda drinks her orange juice as she considers the idea. 

“Honey, Y/n will probably be there with that Nebula girl, right?” Agatha reminds her. “Why should you show up alone?” 

“I don't know, Agatha, that feels… I don't know… so high school,” Wanda resists. 

Agatha picks up her phone as she goes through her contact list. “Babe, I'm serious. I'm going to get you some serious arm candy. There's this new guy at work that just moved here from New York. He's blind, but he's cute enough. Definitely someone that will have Y/n-” 

“Hold on, did you just say he's cute enough for a blind guy?” Wanda scoffs, a little shocked by her friend's insensitivity. 

Agatha rolls her eyes, “No, he's cute enough to get the job done and he's blind. Just, don't worry about a thing. I will set up the blind date. But I'll make sure he's not blind to the setup.” Agatha snickers a bit, proud of her puns and Wanda shakes her head as she finishes her orange juice. 

On the night of the fundraiser you leave Rachel with Jean who was still staying at your apartment while she worked things out with Anna. They have talked since their big fight but they agreed to spend some more time separated from each other. You don't know why Jean and Rachel couldn't stay at the house. It was their house first. But Anna doesn't have anywhere to go so you dealt with it. Under the condition that Jean started her medication again. To your knowledge, she is taking them. You don't check under her tongue or anything but she does make a point to show you that she is taking them in the morning and at night. 

Because of this, you haven't been able to see Nebula since Rachel doesn't know that you're dating again and you don't want her knowing about Nebula yet since it was a big deal with Daisy. But she knows about tonight’s event. Thanks to her school, you're able to go on a date with Nebula. 

You knock on the door with a single flower in your hand. “Wow,” you say as you admire her beauty and her outfit. She is beautiful. “You look fantastic,” you compliment as you hold out the flower to her. 

She smiles as she smells it. “Thank you,” she sets it in her key bowl by the table. “I’ll put it in a vase later. It's supposed to rain soon.” As if on cue a loud clap of thunder rings out while she locks her door. 

“Wow, I had no idea,” you say as you walk her to your car. “I didn't see that in the forecast earlier,” I frown as I check my phone before starting the car. Sure enough gray clouds with lightning bolts and cartoon rain appear on the weather app for the next few hours. “Huh, I guess you do have to check it more than once.” 

“I told you,” Nebula says with a smile. She kisses your cheek as you start the car. “I’ve missed you these past couple of weeks.” 

“I missed you too,” you aren't lying, you're simply omitting the small detail that you've missed Wanda more. “It's been so weird living with Jean again. I can honestly say, I don't miss being married to her and actually be certain of that for once.” 

Nebula laughs and connects her phone to the Bluetooth in the car to play her music. The two of you sing along to the songs the entire drive to the venue. It starts to sprinkle a bit as you get closer to the event. 

Wanda is pacing back and forth in her underwear on a three way video call with Carol and Agatha. Her room is a mess of dresses, pant suits, and shoes. She hasn't even made it as far as accessories. “I don't know! I thought the dress I bought last week was the revenge dress but it's hideous! Y/n would never like something like that!” 

Carol puts her face in her hands and groans. “Wanda we know how to make you look hot for anyone. We don't know how to make you look specifically hot for Y/n. We like them but neither of us have tried to get in their pants.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Agatha quips. 

“Agatha!” Wanda and Carol scold her. 

“What? I have eyes don't I? Besides, that was before I knew Wanda was serious about them. Y/n turned me down every time, relax,” Agatha says. “Why don't you try the purple dress? The one you wore to that one thing that one time.” 

“Because that's helpful,” Carol mutters. 

“Oh yeah! The booby one, okay I'll be right back, one of you add someone who might know what Y/n will find attractive.” Wanda says as she runs off to her walk-in closet to find the purple dress. 

“How? How do you do it Agatha? I swear I sent her pictures and she still couldn't remember the dresses I suggested! You say that one you wore that one time and she gets it!” 

“I'm just that good,” Agatha says. 

“I only have one purple dress because Agatha got it for me for Christmas,” Wanda shouts from her closet. 

“That too,” Agatha says. 

“Who can we add?” Carol says as she thinks about who they know that knows Y/n best. 

“Jean?” Agatha suggests. 

“Ew, no,” Wanda says as she steps out of the closet in the dress. “I don't want to ask her to make me look hot for her ex.” 

“I'm just saying, they've known each other their whole lives,” Agatha reminds her friends. 

“I don't think she'd be much help because based on the stories they've told, Jean didn't have to do much for Y/n’s attention,” Carol adds. 

“Hmm, that's true,” Agatha ponders. “What about Darcy? Didn't they try dating at one point?” She suggests next.

“They did?” Wanda and Carol say in unison. 

“You ladies are so full of yourselves sometimes. You know, you girls could benefit from paying attention when people speak,” Agatha shakes her head. “Screw it, I'm adding her to the call.” 

“Wait,” Wanda tries to stop her but the call is already going through. Darcy answers in her pitch black bedroom. 

“Who the hell is - oh hi guys! What the hell is wrong with you? It's one in the morning!” Darcy groans as she turns on the lamp on her nightstand. The bright light reveals more of her setting and more of her than anyone expected to see when she turned on the light. 

“Uh Darcy, nip slip,” Carol says as she points at the screen. Darcy pulls her sheets further up and a deeper groan follows as a man's back appears in the background. “Oh, my, who is that?” Carol asks with a laugh. 

“It's your fault you called me at one in the morning on a Friday night,” Darcy defends herself. 

“In our defense, you didn't have to answer,” Agatha points out. 

“Ladies! Focus! My escort is supposed to arrive here in thirty minutes!” Wanda tries to keep everyone in line. 

“Right, Darcy! We need your help making Wanda look good for Y/n,” Carol informs Darcy of the reason they disrupted her sleep. 

“Oh, I know what could make Wanda look good,” Darcy starts, “she could find a time machine, then go back to the night she rejected Y/n and not do that.” 

“Oh come on,” Agatha says. 

“Low blow,” Carol says. 

“This was a bad idea,” Wanda falls onto the front of her bed. 

“Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought that I had to but I didn't,” Darcy says as she sits up and yawns. “What can I do to help?” 

“There's a fundraiser for the kids' school and I want to wow Y/n into leaving with me instead of Nebula,” Wanda explains. “But I don't know what kind of outfit will do that!” 

“Y/n is very simple to please, if you showed up in just one of their shirts and nothing else, they'd marry you on the spot,” Darcy says as if it's obvious that you're not a difficult person. 

“Yeah, like Wanda has one of Y/n’s shirts,” Agatha laughs. Wanda gets quiet and looks at the corner of her room where a shirt she kept is lying on the floor. She had been wearing it to bed lately and it no longer smells like you. But she wasn't willing to let it go yet. “Wanda! Are you serious?” Agatha shouts into the phone. 

“Calm down, I didn't steal it. I just didn't return it when I found it. But that's besides the point. I'm not showing up to a school event in a T-shirt. We have to do better than that ladies!” Wanda says as she stands up and lets the dress fall to the floor. 

“Wow so my nipples are a problem but we're getting the whole show from Wanda and no one is saying anything?” Darcy gripes. 

Carol rolls her eyes, “We're far past that by now Lewis.” 

“Whatever, do you have any black dresses?” Darcy asks. 

“Like a million of them,” Agatha moans, shaking her head, exhausted by this conversation. 

“Y/n appreciates a little black dress. I bet you anything that Nebula is wearing a red dress,” Darcy defends her suggestion.  

“No, my connection at the school sent me a picture of when they arrived. Nebula is wearing blue,” Agatha says with her phone close to her face as she sends the image to the group. 

“Wait!” Darcy says a little too loud, disturbing the man in her bed. “Shut up you big baby,” she rolls her eyes at him. “Look, do you see Y/n’s tie?” Darcy asks with her phone close to her face and the camera at a bad angle again. 

“Yeah, what about it?” Agatha questions, not really concerned about the tie as much as she should be. 

“Wait, I want to see,” Carol's view changes as well and Wanda is standing and staring at the worst angles of her friends as they look at the image on their phones. “Oh I see,” Carol says. 

“I get it now,” Agatha agrees. 

“What?” Wanda asks, growing annoyed with her friends. 

“Wanda, grab the velvet suit from the back of the closet. The one you wore to that holiday party at my work three years ago,” Agatha directs Wanda. “You're going to show up ready to match Y/n. If that suit doesn't work, then it's their loss. That suit almost turned me.” 

“I agree, that suit is magic on you,” Carol says as she remembers seeing pictures of her friend in that suit. 

“Carol, stop drooling over Wanda and get ready for dinner with my parents,” Valkyrie says in the background.

“Alright,” Carol sighs, she's not very fond of her fiancee’s conservative family. “Y’all heard the misses. I've got to go. Good luck Maximoff,” she bids everyone goodbye before ending the call. 

“I should go too, I have an early morning,” Darcy says before she hangs up. 

The screen is just Agatha with Wanda in the corner of her phone. “I should go too so that you're not distracted. Have a good night Wanda. I want all of the dirty details tomorrow,” she ends the conversation altogether leaving Wanda on her own to finish getting ready. 

It's not too long before there's a knock on Wanda's door. She opens it and is surprised by the man that stands before her. He is more than she expected, she feels a little speechless. “I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place. Are you Wanda Maximoff?” The handsome stranger with the red tinted glasses asks. 

“Uh, um, yes, that's me. Sorry, hi. You're,” Wanda is spacing on his name for a moment then remembers Agatha making a doormat joke about him. She clears her throat to clear her stutter. “I'm assuming that you're Matt, correct.” 

He smiles and Wanda can't help but blush at his charming grin. “Yes I am,” he says. “I'm assuming that I'm not what you expected?” His tone is sweet as he steps back from the front door. Anticipating for Wanda to walk with him to the waiting car. 

“Honestly? Not really,” Wanda replies as she locks her front door. Agatha really downplayed Matt’s good looks. 

“Ah, I see. Is it safe to assume that Agatha forgot to mention the detail that I am blind?” He extends his elbow to her when he feels her get close to him and Wanda accepts it, wrapping her hands at the crook of his elbow. She walks him towards the car while he holds his folded up guide stick in his hand. 

“No, I knew that part. She mentioned that right away. But she didn't mention how handsome you were, she said something along the lines of ‘he’s not bad looking for a blind guy.’ Plus all of the ‘blind date’ puns that she was able to work with.” Matt laughs, humored and flattered by the story about his abrasive co-worker. 

“Ah, that's interesting. I don't think I've ever exceeded expectations in that department before. I would have thought she asked me to be your fake date because of my charms and looks.” The two enter the car. “She paid for this ride by the way, she wanted me to stress that.” 

“I owe her big time,” Wanda says as she lets go of Matt's arm. This was going to be an interesting night for her. 

At the fundraiser, you walk around a biding table with Nebula. You can't donate much since you're still paying off Rachel's medical bills and the apartment complex you live in is trying to raise your rent. You're under negotiations but it's looking like no matter what, it's still going to cost you. There isn't much else that you can do other than make it look like you're going to give this school money when they hardly wanted to do anything for your daughter in her time of need. 

Nebula quickly pulls you over to the food as the line shortens and the pair of you fill your plates with as much food as they can handle. There aren't many parents that you know at the school because your daughter only hangs out with Billy and Tommy outside of school. At least to your knowledge. That left you finding a random and unclaimed table to stand at with Nebula as you tried to make the most out of the evening. 

As the band played covers of popular songs you kept your focus on the woman with you as she became the most entertaining person in the room. That was until something made your eyes subtly scan the room where they inevitably land on Wanda walking in with a man attached to her arm. She's dating? Is your first thought. Your second thought is, That is one hell of a suit. 

You quickly return your attention to Nebula but you can't focus on her. She is beautiful, of course, but Wanda is stunning. You can't help but search for her again and feel entirely captivated by her gaze as her eyes meet yours. It takes all of your strength to break the contact. 

“We can go say hi,” Nebula says as she pushes around the food on her plate that she didn't like. 

“I'm sorry, it's just been so awkward walking around here not knowing anyone,” you say to cover up the fact that you want to switch places with the man that arrived with Wanda. She's never mentioned the guy and she shows up in an outfit matching his glasses. It's unbelievable. It's infuriating. 

Wanda’s heart races nervously as she catches your gaze for a moment. She clenches her jaw when you kiss Nebula on the lips. Her pink lipstick stains your lips and she has to clean it off with her thumb. That should be Wanda smiling and removing her lipstick from your lips. She should be the one holding your hand as you walk towards her. Her eyes widen slightly as she realizes that you're walking towards her. 

“So what were you telling me about your friend again?” Wanda asks as she tries to strike up a conversation so that it doesn't look obvious that she's here on a mission. 

“Are they walking towards us?” Matt asks with an amused smirk. 

“Yeah,” Wanda shamelessly admits. She has nothing to hide from Matt. He knows what he's here for. They talked about it at length in the car because she really didn't want to take advantage of him. Matt assured her that really didn't mind. 

“So I was telling my friend, Foggy, that just because I can't see doesn't mean I can't-” 

“Hey Wanda,” you make a point to interrupt their conversation. “Who is this?” You ask as you move your hand from holding Nebula's to holding her hip. 

“Matthew Murdock,” he holds his hand out and you give him a polite shake. “Most people call me Matt. And behind my back some call me Blind Matt,” he jokes and you try to refrain from reacting to his disability. You didn't realize that he was visually impaired. Then you see his guide stick and instantly feel guilty for mentally villainizing him. 

“People tend to call me Queer Y/n when I tell them my preferred pronouns,” you retort to get a laugh out of him. “Although, Wanda made it obvious to everyone when I lost a bet and she chose to cut my hair into a mullet,” you continue and this makes Matt laugh. 

“I haven't thought about a mullet since my accident. And there's not much that I don't miss the sight of but that has to be one of the things I don't miss seeing, no offense,” he says, making the three of you laugh. 

“None taken, I was really happy when she finally gave me the okay to get my haircut again,” you say as you run your fingers through your short hair. 

“That's funny, I didn't know you had to wait for her permission,” Nebula says as she sizes up Wanda. 

“It was her prize from the bet,” you shrug as if the reason was obvious. “Of course I have to ask for permission.” 

“You didn't have to,” Wanda clarifies as she reaches out and squeezes your shoulder with a laugh, “I appreciate that you did but you're just that kind of person.” She looks over at Nebula with what you interpret as a warm smile. “You're very lucky to be dating someone like, Y/n,” she says. 

The song starts to slow down and the singer invites the couples to slow dance on the dance floor since they're all here to enjoy a night off from the kids. Nebula starts to pull you away claiming to love the song that's being performed. You look back at Wanda as you follow Nebula to the dance floor. Her expression looks a little funny to you at first. You lose sight of her as people get in the way and remind yourself that you came here with Nebula. She has your undivided attention. 

Wanda is hit with a pang of jealousy as Nebula pulls you away for a dance. She stops one of the waiters walking past her with a tray full of champagne flutes and she grabs two. She downs both of them and sets them on a nearby table. “How good are you at slow dancing?” She asks Matt. 

“Let's go,” he says as he extends his arm out to her. They make their way to the dance floor and Wanda manages to find a spot where she can watch you. When she notices that she has caught your eye, she smiles at Matt. 

You try not to show your jealousy as you lean back to gaze into Nebula's eyes. She does have very pretty eyes. You smile and she smiles back up at you. The next slow song plays and you recognize it almost immediately. It's one that your daughter likes to play in the car a lot. Your eyes find Wanda who is holding Matt close to her. 

You can't focus on the pain that small act of intimacy is causing you. It's not fair to Nebula. It's not fair to Wanda, who seems very happy. It's not fair to yourself. But you can't tear your eyes away from her. Matt whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh. Even through the loud music and the crowd, her laugh spreads a warmth in your chest. 

Wanda lets Matt spin her around during the song as she allows herself to focus on having fun with him instead. Tonight isn't the night to play games and hope that you ditch your date to be with her. She's an adult and she doesn't need to act like a child. She can have her moment with you another day. Tonight, she's going to have fun with someone that she has no ties to because Matt seems like a really great guy. 

As the second song comes to an end, Wanda ends up facing your direction because of the way Matt spun her and her heart stops. You and Nebula are sharing a kiss but it's different. Your eyes are open and looking for Wanda. Are you playing a game too? She can't do this anymore. She starts to feel overwhelmed under your intense gaze. She wants you to look at her that way but not under these circumstances. She doesn't want to be playing these kinds of games. Not with you. Everything between the two of you hasn't felt as childish as it does right now. 

“I'm sorry, Matt. I need some air,” Wanda says as she lets go of him. She helps him get off of the dance floor before she leaves the building. 

You watch Wanda run out of the event without her date and you stop kissing Nebula. The woman in your arms pulls out the red handkerchief from the breast pocket of your jacket. She wipes your lips and sighs. “Go to her,” she says as she fixes your handkerchief. 

“Nebula I-” 

“Y/n, don't apologize. Go after her. She's your person. It's okay, I knew it was never me. This was fun while it lasted.” She gives you a kind smile as she pats your chest and dusts off your shoulders. 

“You're amazing, you know that?” You say to her, at a loss for words. Not knowing how else to thank her for not making this difficult for you. 

“I do, now go!” She turns you towards the direction of the exit and gives you a small shove. You laugh as you take her advice and start running toward the exit to try and catch Wanda before she gets too far away. 

You look for her in the lobby but it's completely empty. Then you see her at the corner of the street waiting to cross. It's pouring outside but you can't care about that right now. You push the glass door open and run outside. “Wanda!” You call out to her just as a loud clap of thunder overpowers your voice. “Wanda! Wait!” You shout as you run to get closer but the cross signal has given her the go ahead to cross the street. You push yourself to run faster as the storm rages on. 

The street is empty. There are no cars waiting for her to cross. There is no one outside on the sidewalks. This time it is just you and Wanda. So you don't hesitate when you stop her in the middle of the crosswalk and grab her wrist. You spin her so that her body crashes against yours. Neither of you have a moment to process before you press your lips against hers. As you kiss Wanda, you feel her melt in your arms. You feel as though everything in the world is falling into place. You feel a little dizzy kissing her, losing yourself completely in the way her lips collide against yours. Surrendering to the emotions that you’ve been repressing for too long. You love this woman and you can't deny it anymore. 

The kiss breaks when both of you need to come up for air and a car honks at the pair of you. Wanda pulls you onto the sidewalk, across the street from the venue. “What was that?” Wanda shouts once the two of you are safe on the concrete. The rain is still coming down hard and it's not easy to hear without a raised volume.

“I’ve tried so hard to see you as just a friend,”  you shout back, “but I can’t!” Wanda opens her mouth to say something but you don't want her to reject you again. “Before you say anything. Please let me finish. I’ve tried to be with other people. You’ve seen that! But you are the only person I want to be with. I love you, Wanda. I can’t- I won’t take it back this time.” 

“Then don't,” Wanda says as she puts your hand on the back of your neck and pulls you in for another kiss. You excitedly swoop her in your arms and spin her around as you kiss her on the side walk in the pouring rain. 

She giggles as you set her back down and lean your forehead against hers. “Can I take you home?” You ask her feeling a rush of emotions that you can't express out here. You want to be alone with her in a dry setting. 

“Please,” she answers as she smiles up at you. 

Hand in hand, the two of you run across the street to grab your car from the valet. As you wait in the lobby you watch Nebula escorting Matt out and you feel relieved about not having to worry about either of them. When you get into the car with Wanda, she kisses you on the lips again before you can start the engine. You can't believe this is real. But you don't ask her to pinch you. If this is a fantasy, you want to live in it forever. 

Every red light that you hit on the way to her house, the two of you take the moment to kiss. As you drive, you have your hand on her thigh. Wanda almost regrets not wearing a dress so that she could tease you with more exposed skin. But she's also glad that she didn't because with the outfit she did wear, she managed to draw only your attention and not unwanted attention from others. That's what was most important to her. 

It wasn't about being the hottest person in the room for her. It was about being the person that you wanted to leave with.

As the two of you stumble into her home, swept up in the heightened emotions of it all, she starts to get into her head a bit. The two of you fall onto her sofa with you on top. She wants this to work with you. She doesn't want this to end before it begins. As you kiss her neck she almost gives in and allows the two of you to release months of built up tension. But she can't get out of her head now. 

“Wait,” she says as she pushes you back. “Wait, I can't do this right now.” She says between breaths. She hadn't realized how breathless she was until she could hardly catch her breath. She slips her body out from under yours and sits on the couch.

“I'm sorry,” you say as you pant and back away. “I shouldn't have gotten so carried away I thought-” you say as you stand up to leave.

“No wait,” Wanda quickly grabs your hand and tugs on your arm. “Stay, let me… let me collect my thoughts and we can talk.” Her big apologetic eyes pull you in and remove the fear and doubt from your mind. You sit next to her and wait for her to start. You give her the space to think about what she wants to communicate with you. She deserves to have this time. You can wait to hear her out as you sit by her with your fingers laced with hers. Both of you are still soaked from the rain. Her hair isn't as neat as when she arrived to the event and you're certain that you don't look nearly as put together as when you left your apartment. 

“I love you too,” Wanda states first. “I'm in love with you,” her voice waivers this time and you can see tears building up. She clears her throat. “I want to be clear about that first. And I want you to stay with me tonight. I just don't think tonight is the night that we take things all the way.” 

You nod, “Of course,” you say as you release your hand from hers and put your arm around her body. You press the side of your head to the top of hers and take a deep breath as she leans into your side. “Although, I will argue that spending the night would've been made easier if you got me out of these wet clothes. That's all I'm saying,” you jokingly point out and it makes Wanda laugh. 

“That's right,” she looks down at her wet clothes and then at yours. She bites her lips as she thinks of a possible solution but she’s slightly scared of the answer. “Do you have anything in your car?” 

“I didn't pack an overnight bag because my intention was to go home after,” you tell her and kiss her cheek. “How about this,” you start as you pull away to face her as you speak, “I get naked — hold on stay with me now — I get naked. Put the nice stuff on some hangers to air dry and I toss the things I can wear to bed in the dryer. And I hop in the shower so that you're not tempted by me until they're done.” Wanda laughs and rolls her eyes. Your tone is very light and humorous but it's a good suggestion. 

“Okay,” Wanda nods in agreement. 

“So I can sleep in my underwear?” You ask, just to take the extra step in getting her consent. 

“Yes, you can sleep in your underwear,” she stands up from the couch and pulls you up with her. The two of you are giddy and giggle as you climb the stairs together. Neither of you tried to cross a line, you undress in her bathroom with the door shut and she waits until you announce that you're in the shower to collect your clothes. She starts with putting the white under shirt and your boxers into the dryer first before she focuses on properly hanging your clothing. She gets changed into dry clothes and hangs her wet clothing as well. 

When the dryer is done she grabs a towel for you and neatly folds everything before she takes it to the bathroom. She announces that it's there for you when she leaves it. When you step out of the bathroom, she kisses you as she passes you so that she can shower and properly clean her face with her products. 

You text Jean that you're not coming home tonight but you don't tell her who you're with and let her continue to assume that you're with Nebula as you wait for Wanda in her bed. Jean sends you a winking gif then some gifs with innuendos that make you laugh. You set your phone to charge next to Wanda's and settle into the bed that you've missed sleeping in. 

When she joins you, she starts by laying on top of you to kiss you on the lips again. You're happy to respond to the kiss and hold back on growing too eager to turn it into anything more. “I love you,” Wanda says with a bright grin. 

“I love you,” you say while wrapping her in your arms. You close your eyes and sigh. “I'm going to be really mad if this is all a dream,” you mutter, which makes Wanda laugh. 

She looks down at you as her smile slowly drops and not because her happiness has faded but because she wants you to believe her. She wants you to understand that she is serious when she tells you that this isn't a fantasy. “Y/n,” she calls softly, you open your eyes and connect with her loving gaze, “this is real.”

Chapter 21

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[achillean-knight]

Woe, doodles be upon ye

HC's below the cut if you're absolutely interested in my Spiderverse Noir HC's + his world 👉👈

First the ones I agree with that I've seen a shit ton of people mention >:33

- He is a fatherly figure to Peni. I can imagine when they see each other again, she'd run to him and give him the biggest fucking hug ever. She experienced her Canon Event between ITSV and ATSV too, right? So I can see her needing comfort so badly, and the only ones she ever truly grew close to were Noir and Ham.

- He'd 10000/10 get along so well with Hobie. Along with Hobie legit mentioning his hatred for the AM, PM and fuckin NAZIS IN THE COMIC ,

he'd be rambling so much with Noir about common interests and get along so well with him. Imagine he badazzles him in punk attire and based on this image:

(I'll link where I found the image tomorrow when I'm on my laptop lol if I remember) but based on this image, he teaches Noir how to play the guitar and shit and OUYGG I WANNA SEE THEM INTERACT (they're my fave Spiderverse characters so 👉👈)

- OHOHOHO He loves the colour purple. So much. He can't see it, ofc but he has such a love for the colour that he sees any beautiful colour- or well, of what he can see of colours, and thinks every pretty colour is Purple.

- MJ see's Noir/Peter as a brother and he see's MJ as a sister in turn. There is no romantic attraction at all. Yeah, this means MJ see's Aunt May as a nice Aunt Figure she can go to and talk to about things.

Now onto some of my own headcanons- or some that I don't see mentioned a ton. These have probably been said before but oh well, these are just what I like and my brain go BRRR

- Felicia is taller then Noir. (For those unfamiliar, Felicia is a character from the comic.) Yes that'd probably make her freakishly tall based on how tall Noir is in the movie, but that comic panel of when he first meets her rots in my brain.

- Felicia still has her mask from her ordeals. However, unlike how she pushes away Peter, they actually become friends again. Comfort each other. They swore they'd never be in a relationship again.

- Noir is a combo of both his OG comics personality and 2020's comics personality. I see movie noir as anywhere between 19 - 21. He's learning and developing as a human still. He's calmer and kinder and resembles how his personality is in the newer comics, however, based on this deleted scene LOL, makes me think he looses his shit easily and goes actually feral.

(here's the link to where I found the video BC I actually saved the link lol yeah it's reblogged by yours truly, but the full post is there.)

- Oh yeah, Noir most definitely adopted Ding Ding btw. He probably is nearly at the newer comics stage of his life, being a private eye and such, drinking his fucking egg creams like newer comics noir SBSBBS So he found and adopted Ding Ding.

- Despite being young (19 - 21) he has serious eyebags man, dudes sleep deprived 😔 I'm also heavy on the Spiderverse portrait of him unmasked that I don't really draw/see him with facial scars but he could totally have them after the shit he went through 💀

- Noir is a part-time singer. I will not elaborate.

There's so many other things I wrote down that I want to share, but they're on my computer 😭 so you get these for now hhhh

Sorry if they're half-assed, it's 10:30 pm, I am tired

[enixamyram]

In another (not so) mini rant about how anti's make things seems so much worse based on off-screen moments:

Stolas is not a neglectful/bad parent.

The basis for claiming Stolas is a bad parent is based on the very few episodes we actually see of him and Octavia. Because the truth is, we haven't actually seen a whole lot of her and what little we have seen is obviously not going to be perfect family time because conflict is entertaining. However, not perfect doesn't mean awful or even bad. And what we have seen is certainly not as bad as some people try and make it seem.

(Long over explaining and analyzing Octavia episodes ahead:)

We have the first episode "Loo Loo Land".

It opens with a young Octavia having a nightmare and Stolas is the one to go and comfort her. The entire scene is a beautiful soft scene between a father and daughter and clearly shows how close they are with how easily he can calm her and get her back to sleep.

Then we cut to her waking up to her parents fighting. Now let's be clear and put the blame where it belongs. If we're gonna call anyone out for hostile home enviroments, the thing that wakes Octavia is her mother shrieking like a harpy. She then storms off while Stolas is the one to greet their daughter.

Now, as said, Stolas isn't a perfect parent. He doesn't know his daughter very well, aka, doesn't know she isn't a fan of Loo Loo Land anymore and pushes it on her because he's clinging to the memory of happier times when she was younger rather than embracing who she has become. He's also very inappropriate with Blitzo while Octavia is still in the room and he gets Blitzo to be his bodyguard even though he doesn't need it. Again, not a good parent. Definitely selfish and more than a little creepy and weird at times.

However, the episode ends with Octavia storming off and Stolas finally seeing what he's been doing. You can come up with whatever reason he has for why he behaved the way he did but it was definitely lousy. In the end, though, Stolas knows and acknowledges that he screwed up. He and Octavia talk it out and they are closer because of it.

Then we have "Seeing Stars".

Again, we start with another flashback to Octavia younger. These flashbacks, as well as how Stolas acts around Octavia in general, strongly suggests he was the most involved in her life growing up. It makes sense, since his marriage was a shame but the child was not. Stella seemed to have a much more active social life, so it stands to reason that Stolas will be closer to Octavia.

We then cut to grown up Octavia and she is very excited about the day. This follows from the last episode where they connected and really does imply their relationship between the last episode and this one is still a strong one. Nothing suggests they've had any problems between and there's no reason to assume he's been a bad parent in anyway.

Obviously we then have the conflict of the episode which is Stolas being so focused on his divorce with Stella that he doesn't remember his plans with Octavia. She tries to tell him but he brushes her off and she gets upset, steals the book and runs away.

Again, Stolas is wrong for not listening to her, but that's not the worst thing a parents has ever done and it certainly doesn't make him a neglectful one. He's clearly preoccupied and while that doesn't excuse what he did, it explains it enough. It's not the end of the world, nor is it the most traumatic thing a teenager can experience, especially when - as I said - it's heavily implied this is not the norm for them. This is special circumstances because of the divorce.

I've seen people claim Octavia is forgotten by Stolas, which is hilarious because the entire of the episode is about Stolas trying to find her. He literally bursts into Blitzo's office in full demon mode because his daughter is lost.

That is not the reaction of a neglectful bad parent. He then spends the entire time worrying about her. Even when he and Blitzo get caught up in other things, he voices his concern how they'll get away to keep looking for Octavia.

In the end they find her and Stolas embraces her. There's no anger at her running away with magic she's not been prepared for, just pure concern and relief to have her back safe. And when he realizes what he forgot, he's clearly kicking himself. He knows he fucked up. It can happen and in the end Octavia easily forgives him (again telling us this isn't something that happen off screen or even often for her to hold a grudge).

Finally, we have the latest episode. Because even with everything, I've still managed to see people whine about how selfish Stolas is to do what he did without thinking about Octavia. And I might agree except that what he did was keep someone else alive so I still find it ridiculous to criticise him for it.

Blitzo was about to be executed if Stolas didn't own up to the fact that he let him have the book. Yes, a parent needs to think of their child but that's not all they must think about. In fact, a parent that only thinks about their child is actually not healthy. More so, being a parent doesn't make someone exempt from all other things that are happening in life. Not to mention you can bet the anti's would have been pissed if he hadn't stepped in because of Octavia.

Anyway. Long rant finished. Stolas clearly is very loving parent who's not perfect but is genuinely trying while also dealing with his own stuff. And I just know the next few episodes really are going to be heartbreaking and I both am dreading it and can't wait for it!

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Hey ho, have you seen The Creator (2023) yet? Unsubtly about US imperialism, but also really moving, aesthetically stunning (Greig Fraser as DP, oh yeah) and John David Washington killing it in the main role. I was surprised by how much there was to love. xoxo

I fucking LOVED The Creator and kept trying to write something about it here but never managed to collect my thoughts. But yeah what a fucking movie, oh my god. I feel like it kind of got buried by lack of publicity but tbh I am not that surprised because it's one of those movies with politics that make you think how the fuck did they get away with making this.

Gareth Edwards, like Villeneuve, is a director I've been paying attention to for a while now, ever since his 2010 movie Monsters, which was a really impressive low-budget sci-fi with effects that just looked seamless and interesting things to say about borders and the human cost of militarized responses to disastrous events.

And then he did Rogue One and pulled off something very impressive, which is to take one of the most famous sci-fi weapons of our era--the Death Star, a metaphor for nuclear weapons so iconic it has become a symbol in itself--and made it actually fucking scary for the first time in the history of the franchise. And he did it by turning the camera around.

Because the thing is that before this point, we had only ever seen the Death Star from the point of view of the people firing it. The idea of a planet-destroying weapon is intellectually horrifying but we didn't really ever feel it. Because for that we need to see the weapon from the point of view of its victims. It's such a simple but radical shift in perspective, and I feel like Gareth Edwards took that idea from Rogue One and then made it into a whole movie with The Creator.

The Creator, for those unfamiliar with the premise, is about a near-future counterinsurgency war in which the US military is hunting down various forms of AI/android/robot beings. It also features a space-based super-weapon that is eerily beautiful but goddamn fucking terrifying. It was mostly shot in southeast Asia and heavily evokes Vietnam War imagery (as the ending of Rogue One did as well); it is probably about as close to "Vietnam War movie but you're rooting for the Vietnamese" as it is possible to make in the American studio system. The protagonist is still an American soldier (who defects and "goes native" fairly early in the movie) but making him a Black disabled veteran was certainly a Choice. And yes it's John David Washington and he's great in it.

It feels facetious to say The Creator is Reverse Terminator, because it's much richer than that, but it's also kind of fucking true. For the entire movie, the characters are just running for their lives from the implacable and overwhelming destructive force of the US military which is just crushing everything in its path.

The movie does a lot of things that you simply do not see in most American war movies, but the one that stands out to me the most is that in every scene of war violence there are civilians, including children, fucking everywhere. It really threw into relief for me how often American war-action movies create these empty video game environments for soldiers to run around in, where any actual people who might live in the place where the war is happening are at best props and at worst completely absent. (Alex Garland's Civil War, in addition to being terrible in every other conceivable way, is a particularly bad offender at this.) The Creator does what really should be the bare minimum of taking time to showing that these are people whose homes and lives are being destroyed and it is shocking how novel it seems. (There's a line that plays in my head all the time where one of the AI characters says something to the effect of, "Do you know what will happen to the humans when we win this war? Nothing. We simply want to live.") I will also say that this made it a very intense watch in late October 2023 in particular, but it is fiction so we get a very satisfying and cathartic ending. And yes it is an absolutely gorgeous movie, the VFX are mind-blowing, and I found it quite moving.

[rubyvroom]

The Halloween 2024 roster so far: leaning pretty heavily on new and indie horror this year. I actually liked most of these to some degree or other. Lots of unexpected sci-fi but I'm not complaining.

The Company of Wolves - beautiful, dreamlike, features not one but two of the craziest werewolf transformations I've ever seen. Mr. X insists this is not a horror film, but it has an Angela Carter screenplay and werewolves, so I say it counts.

Deathstream - Horror comedy with a very convincing YouTube channel spending the night alone in a haunted house. Some legitimately funny bits here and good use of the premise.

Army of Darkness - I've heard the quotes for many years but I had never actually seen the movie until now. Bruce Campbell really should have been allowed to star in more films. I enjoyed every minute of this, allowing for the bog-standard 80s-90s misogyny.

Speak No Evil (Denmark) - I am not watching the US one if they changed the ending. The ending is the entire point. It's a commentary on Danish society and if you couldn't adapt that to the US then why are you remaking the movie? Stop wasting my time. Anyway this was great. Frustrating, but again, that's the point.

Happy Death Day - Better than expected. Groundhog's Day slasher, has fun with the premise. The actress sells it.

Happy Death Day 2 - The same but make it sci-fi.

Synchronic - Cool concept, which I don't want to spoil too much except to say it's about a convenience store drug with an unexpected side effect. A little lazy as a film but I enjoy watching Anthony Mackie do his thing.

Something in the Dirt - This film and the one before are from the guys who made Resolution and The Endless. Neither are as good as those but worth seeing if you liked their other films. This film is again a sci-fi scenario, sort of cross-polinated with William Friedkin's Bug.

Bodies Bodies Bodies - Takes the slasher theme of "insufferable youths die one at a time" to its natural conclusion. Perfect casting. Had a great time with this.

I Saw the TV Glow - Magical, haunting, endlessly sad. Still thinking about it.

Oddity - NO THANK YOU SCARY WOODEN DOLL. THIS MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

Freaky - Another comedy horror, a body-swap where a teenage slasher victim swaps bodies with the killer. Resulting in Vince Vaughn portraying a teenage girl and taking it pretty seriously? Like he's all in? But I enjoyed the teenage girl serial killer even more.

Abigail - The trailer gives most of the plot away but it's still really fun and the ballet really adds to the action scenes. Cast is really good. Goes in a couple unexpected directions, one of which had me saying oh THAT'S why Dan Stevens is in this, now I understand.

Hold Your Breath - Kind of meh but the setting itself was engrossing, in the middle of the dustbowl farmlands. Sarah Paulson doing the most again.

She Will - Lowkey involving, though I've forgotten most of what happens.

Immaculate - Search your feelings. Are you willing to cheer on a priest being strangled by his own rosary? If so, watch this immediately. As a heathen I found it, as Glen Weldon would say, a hoot and a half.

Caddo Lake - Did you like Dark, the twisty and moody german tv show? This is the American version. I mean it's not but it very much is.

Ghostwatch - the legendary banned BBC broadcast, which you can now watch on Prime, is still pretty effective.

The Dark and the Wicked - This was trying waaaaaay too hard to be Hereditary. Didn't really enjoy it.

We Are All Going to the World's Fair - Mr. X slept through this but I was hypnotized by it. There are two kinds of people.

Maxxxine - Not as good as X or Pearl, and it if was a stand-alone film it would be pretty incoherent. But it is very stylish and has a lot of fun with the 80s LA setting, and I can watch Mia Goth do her thing all day long.

Suspiria - Legendary. Loved it. When did we stop using COLORS in movies?

Longlegs - this one at least remembers the color red, for the very striking opening. It runs out of steam a little bit throughout but pretty exciting for a lot of the run. Liked the probably-autistic protagonist a lot. There are some Nicolas Cagisms and I never for a moment forgot it was him, but he does have some genuinely frightening moments.

The Quatermass Experiment - Most of my favorite things were influenced by this so figured it was time to check it out. Glad I did. Fascinating and makes good use of its low budget. Free on Youtube!

Eyes Without a Face - I may have had some nightmares after this.

Glorious - Surprise, you got some cosmic horror in your rest stop bathroom freakout, and JK Simmons is here!

Next on the list is probably Possession which I fully anticipate is gonna fuck me up.

Top films so far? Suspiria, Eyes Without a Face, Longlegs, I Saw the TV Glow, Bodies Bodies Bodies

[unhingedscreaming]

Just finished I Saw the TV Glow, and I must say it has quickly become my favorite movie I've ever had the honor to watch.

There's so much beauty in it in so many different ways. It is a compassionate and raw perspective on transness and mental illness and feeling empty and nostalgia and isolation. Not only was the writing excellent my god the acting and the cinematography had me in tears. Some things I loved about the movie.

1. The writing (obviously)

The way this movie is a metaphor for so many different things that seem separate but are all intertwined is breathtaking. Something I found fascinating is at the end I didn't even really sit there trying to decide if it was all a psychotic break or it they really were from a tv show because it didn't matter. Because at the end of the day, it was still about being too afraid to be yourself. About holding it all in until you break. About life moving too fast but being too slow and monotonous. It was about fearing who you are and never taking the dive because it sounds crazy and you can't. It's about regret. It's about soulmates, about that on person who you never have to lie to. In the end, it would still be about those things whether or not there really was a tv show or not.

2. Cinematic Decisions

The filming decisions in this film made it what it was. One of the things I found fascinating was the lack of a true soundtrack. There wasnt particularly a lot of background noise excpet for chatter on the TV. All of the conversations and days are smothered in this thick heavy silence. The silence is so prominent it feels like its own character. The graininess and static making it feel like an actual tv show. The colors, the sickening neon glow from everywhere all the time. The unsteady camera and wide shots.

3. The relationships

While Maddy and Owen are amazing on their own, their relationship is the most compelling part of the story. Both feel alone and broken and like theres something wrong with themselves but not as much around each other. We see Owen isn't really talkative or open with his mom, that he barely says anything at all to her, but with Maddy almost immediately, he feels a connection to her. He seeks her out again and again. Owen doesn't have anything resembling a relationship with anyone else. He barely has dialogue with other characters. In the scene where his dad is holding him under the shower, he doesn't say a word, doesn't even look at him honestly. He says near the end he has a family, but we don't even see them. But with Maddy, he is close to her. They're intertwined, and around each other, they admit truths and secrets it doesnt feel like they've ever said outloud before. Even when Owen is freaked out by Maddy, even when he pushes her away and runs, there's till love there. It's not rejection as much as fear, and maddy doesn't blame him.

4. Parallels and Callbacks

One of the main cinematic choices I found myself noticing over and over again was the colors surrounding Maddy and Owen. in the first scene they sit across from each other as Owen leans against a oink vending machine and maddy a black. Owen has a pink sleeping bag and a pink shirt and a pink dress. Maddy is more often seen in black and white. Some great callbacks are the scene where we find out Owen doesn't have a heart, and Maddy reminds him of the bleavhers where he said he was afraid someone would dig up his insides and find there is nothing there. Seeing the chalk on the road clearly for the first time and it being the ghosts and "there's still time".

My personal favorite scene is the scene where Owen watches the finale, and then his dad comes in to find him with his head on the TV, screaming and crying. To me, this scene is very reminiscent of an attempt. He's finally been pushed to the edge and flung off of it. he's been holding everything in for so long and he can't take it anymore. Its heartbreaking in every way.

All in all this is a fantastic movie I highly recommend. All my love to the writers producers and directors.

[psychic-waffles]

Top 5...................?

Cookies?

Redheads (Dyed is acceptable)?

Costumes from tv or movies?

COSTUMES FROM MOVIES LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

i am gonna keep it just to movies or i'll be sitting here all day just trying to decide, this is something i am EXTREMELY passionate about (sorry)

Edith's Nightdress (Crimson Peak - Kate Hawley):

I'm a HUGE fan of all of the costumes in crimson peak, especially how edith and lucille's costumes run with the butterfly/moth motif in the movie, but my absolute favourite is edith's nightgown (sorry yellow dress, you were a close second)

as with all of edith's dresses, THE SLEEVES!! THE DETAIL!! THE DRAPE OF THE FABRIC!!! the amount of hours that must have gone into each of these costumes jut blows my mind. like jsut look closely at the stitching holding all of the pleating in place!!! the size of the buttons!! it's just utterly beautiful

but the nightdress just makes her look so young, and so fragile, especially when she's wearing the dressing gown as well she's just swamped in fabric.

and then the visual storytelling of the red of the clay and the blood creeping up from the hem when she's running around at the end, it's BEAUTIFUL.

Elizabeth Swann's 'Pirate King' outfit (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - Penny Rose)

if i had to name one film that got me interested in how films were made more than any other it would be at world's end, i watched the behind the scenes features HUNDREDS of times. every single costume told a story, and the amount of thought gone into aging and weathering them just blew me away. it was so hard to pick just one costume, even just one of elizabeth's costumes (sorry black pearl nightgown) but honestly i wish i had a deeper reason for picking this one specifically but mostly i just think she looks cool as hell during the final battle.

and also i just will forever be heart eyes over the goldwork

Evelyn's wedding gown (The Fall - Eiko Ishioka)

Eiko Ishioka is a genius, the fall is quite honestly a visual masterpiece, and the costumes are a HUGE part of that. if you haven't seen it, half of the film is a little girl being told a story, and how she's picturing it in her imagination.

Because of this each costume is a totally unique look, and the fact that they're all so different to each other makes them pop even more. Everything is in bold shapes and colours, with distinct silhouettes, but the details are just as beautiful.

The costume I've actually picked is a evelyn's wedding gown, just because i think of all of them it's (by a narrow margin) the most visually striking. mostly due to that headpiece.

It's a moment in the film where all eyes are supposed to be focussed on evelyn (to distract from other things going on), so if they were going to put her in a showstopping costume this was the moment.

It's obviouslly just stunning all round, and such a genuinely interesting design, like no one else could have EVER come up with this other than eiko ishioka. I don't know how else to explain that other than go and look at the costumes for the fall (2006) and bram stoker's dracula (1992) next to each other and you'll get what i mean.

but it's the little details as well, that seem so unneccesary to the overall look but are still beautiful, like the change in bead on the end of the veil, the trim around the neck and on the headpiece, the slight pattern on the fabric. and then there's just the overall construction of it, which is just flawless!!

Truly i would sell my soul to see the design process behind any single costume in this film.

Queen Ravenna's 'Beetle' dress (Snow White and the Huntsman - Colleen Atwood)

i'm not going to try to defend it, this was a bad movie, HOWEVER the costumes were absolutely stunning, and ESPECIALLY the costumes they gave to charlize theron.

And despite being in the film for only a moment i will never ever be able to stop thinking about this dress.

the structured shoulders!! the colours!! the trailing layers!! the contrasting textures!! the way they've shredded the fabric to give it EVEN MORE texture!! and of course, most importantly, the hundreds of individually attached beetle shells

i just think it's a work of art

Aragorn's 'Strider' outfit (The Fellowship of the Ring - Ngila Dickson):

So i've always adored the lord of the rings costuming, it all feels very believable and cohesive as a world, whilst also having distinct looks for each race/location, and has set a bit of a blueprint that not a lot of high fantasy has strayed very far from since (which is a shame, but also speaks to how effective it is).

However my absolute favourite costume is Aragorn's first costume, or rather the version of this costume that he arrives at by the end of the Fellowship of the Ring. It's both an incredibly practical costume, whilst also having hints that Aragorn is more than just some random ranger. My favourite of which being the beautiful smocking detail on the sleeves.

I also am a HUGE fan of the fact that nothing on his costume is actually black - it's greens and blues and browns, and then it's all beautifully aged over the top of that, and there are parts that are ripped and sewn back together, it looks like something actually lived in (cue aragorn never showers joke). i just think it does a brilliant job of telling aragorns story visually. and of course it's kind of ""completed"" when he adds boromir's bracers to it 😭

[jadzio]

Hey, I know it's been a lil while, and that you're busy, but I've been wondering about something. In the past, you have mentioned that Velvette is your favorite character from Hazbin, and I'm curious - what's the reason for that?

It mostly surprised me because of how little screentime she gets (I believe she has roughly 4 scenes, where she got to speak). I have also had instances where I came to really love side characters that the story didn't put much focus on, but I also don't recall any of them ever making it to my number 1 spot, so yeah.

But I will admit that I enjoyed her quite a bit. Her VA did a great job, and I do like the fun archetype of the 'snooty self absorbed rich girl that is also pretty short I guess' (with Pacifica from GF, Qiyana from League, and Disgust from Inside Out being some other examples I liked).

And Resepctless is a bop, of course. Plus it also strongly implied that Velvette is somewhat delusional (as Vox was shown to be the backbone of her group, being the one with biggest influence, that also sorts situations out - while Zestial didn't loose any relevance, judging by the way folks on the street reacted to him), which could be a fun thing to explore in Season 2.

I wonder if there's anything more to your enjoyment of the character, or if it's just the stuff I already said. After all, we all have our favorite tropes and archetypes, and a character would often become my favorite for simply fitting into the ones I like!

But I suppose there's no harm in asking :3

dw dw

I may answer a bit late, but hey at some point I will claw out some time...

Velvette is my fave from hazbin, but Beelzebub is my fave from the whole hellaverse.

I dont think she is delusional tho. I think that line was just either puffing up your coat to appear bigger and more threatening to the other overlords or all the v's i think thinks of themselves as the most important. We see a lot of vox, but id say that its vel who keeps things running the most. She isn't running and wasting time on simping for someone who won't even look at em (I mean angel for Val and alastor for vox). She feels like she needs to pick up crap after their toxic yaoi and feel the consequences the most.

And I think zestial might have lost some influence. I mean if u only take what folks from the street think of him, I mean they acted like that when they've seen alastor too, but its harder to argue that he remained in the same power as before. I think most sinners would reacted that way, cause 1 overlords, 2 who knows what they are up to, 3 they are known to take souls so u know u can still think lowly of someone and still be scared of them if they have a granade in their hand. Sides Val might have said that cause maybe v's have millions of souls due to the powers shift and more of the new sinners coming to them for technology., while zestiel might have had only a few thousands, strong ones, but less in numbers. Maybe she thinks those old souls can't do much anymore as opposed to their millions. also situation just had changed, they've discovered that angels are not immortal. so she wants a new approach to the situation and not be dragged by old unchanged ways of ye old. Also also all that was to prode and poke at carmila to cause her to outburst. I think she is smarter then u give her credit to. she knows its Carmilla and is trying to get out more info in the way she knows how. also it might have been again puffing up your coat to bring more overlords to her side.

But to answer ur question, I think i need to go back to queen bee. My love for her started for a beautiful design and its still a big part of it ofc. But... Idk how to describe it. She kinda awakened/opened some part of me if even just a lil (not like sexually i already know im pan/furry don't at me). Some part that been hidden away. one thats more spunk and free in her expression. More femme but in this specific way. This all didnt change my life in a dramatic way, but it pry open the door for other stuff to influence it.

And thats where Vel comes in. Trough that opened door, a lil bit. She also has an amazing design. But she is also spunky and not afraid to speak her mind and have a lil fun with it. She is respectless and a lil but of a bad bitch and Idk that kinda resonates with me a lil. I sometimes wish I had that confidence to flip off other plp (when deserved obvi) and dress in unusual ways.

overall idk you can all attribute my interest in them both to excellent design. but that's my theory on why

[lifetimeshipper]

My Little Dancer

Chapter 2

~~~~~~~~~~

When Arcee enters Megatron's mind she finds herself in a place like Kaon, which is not too much of a surprise. She follows a pathway that leads to some stairs, she climbs the stairs to the top where she finds Optimus. Arcee was surprised but she knew it wasn't the real Optimus, it was just a figment of Megatron's mind. She starts walking towards it but then freezes up when she hears Megatron laugh.

:: Are you sure you can do this, Arcee? :: Ratchet asked.

"Yeah," Arcee responds in a low tone. A shiver runs through her body as her spark's pulse quickens when Megatron appears.

"Optimus Prime, your Autobot armies are defeated. Now bow to your new master."

"Never, Megatron," Optimus says as he turns to face Megatron, "One shall stand..." Optimus transforms his servo into his blade, "...one shall fall."

"So be it," Megatron says before bringing out his blade and jumping down from the cliff he was standing on. He runs at Optimus who is running at him and he slices him across his abdomen area, Optimus starts fading away to dust while Megatron is left standing.

Arcee peeks out from behind the rock she's hiding behind and she sees Megatron looking around, "I feel a familiar presence that I haven't felt in a long time."

At that moment, the rock in front of Arcee starts taking shape into Optimus who went after Megatron. Megatron just looked at him before raising his blaster and shooting at him, he disappeared as the other one did. Megatron looks at Arcee who is now standing out in the open, "I knew I felt a familiar presence. It's been a long time, Arcee," he says as he walks closer to her. "You're still as beautiful as ever."

XXXXXX

"Come on, Megatronus, move it! I hear some hot femmes are dancing at the club tonight! I don't want to miss it!"

Megatronus shakes his helm at his gladiator friend as he and a few of the others drag him to a club. They want to celebrate their victory by going to the club to drink High-Grade Energon and watch some femmes dance. Megatronus really doesn't want to go because the club scene really isn't his thing but his friends decided to drag him along because 'he needs to get out and have fun instead of training all the time'.

"Maybe you'll find a femme that will catch your attention."

Megatronus rolls his optics, "I highly doubt that."

His friends just laugh as they go into the club. They find a table, sit down, order some High-Grade Energon, and start drinking and having fun while they wait for the show to start. When it was time for the show to start they all watched as the femmes took their positions on stage, when the femmes started dancing all the mechs started going crazy. 

Megatronus rolled his optics at his friends' behaviors as he took a sip of his High-Grade before looking up at the stage to watch the show, might as well since he was here, and that's when he saw her. The femme with blue armor and pink highlights around her face and on her wrists, the most beautiful femme he's ever seen. He puts his High-Grade down as he watches her, the way she moves in such a sexual way is just so mesmerizing. 

The other gladiators look at their friend and see him staring at the one femme and they start laughing, "The mech who said that he wouldn't find a femme that could catch his attention." They start teasing him but he ignores them as he stays focused on the femme. He needs to meet her, he needs to know who she is.

When the show is over the femme leaves the stage in a hurry with a few of the other femmes while the rest stay out to flirt with the mechs. Megatronus gets up from the table and tries to find a way to get behind the stage so he can talk to her when an old mech comes up to him. "Gladiator Megatronus, it's so great to meet you. I'm Holo, I've been a fan of yours for a long time."

"Nice to meet you," Megatronus says trying to be polite, "Would you know how I can get backstage? I want to meet a certain femme."

"Yes, those are my femmes. My sparkmate and I gather femmes together to create a dance group and we go around performing wherever we can. Would you like to buy one of the femmes?"

Megatronus raises an optic ridge, "Buy? You sell the femmes?"

"Yes. We take them off the streets and give them a home and Energon, then we sell them to any bot that wants to buy them. Any femme you want to buy?"

There's something about this mech that doesn't seem right. There's something off about his story. I should see if he has a right to be selling femmes like this, but if he is a bad mech then I should see about buying that femme to get her away from him. "Yes, I would like to buy one of your femmes."

"Great! Follow me!" He says as he heads backstage.

"Megatronus, are you sure about this?" One of his friends asks him in a hushed tone.

"There's something off about this mech, if he's dangerous I need to get this femme away from him," Megatronus responds as he starts to follow the old mech.

"Sweetspark, this mech wants to buy one of the femmes," Holo says to his sparkmate when he finds her.

"Great! Right this way!" They take Megatronus and the other gladiators behind the stage where some of the femmes are getting ready to head out.

"The gladiator Megatronus wishes to buy one of you," Holo announces as Megatronus looks over the femmes to find the blue femme that he wants. He spots her in the back trying to sneak away.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off to?" He asks as he maneuvers around the other femmes to get to her, no way was he gonna let her slip by him. He watches her as she turns to look at him and he almost gets lost in her optics, "What's your name?"

She stays silent as she keeps staring at him with uncertainty. Megatronus had to restrain himself from growling at the old mech when he spoke up again, "With all due respect, Megatronus, you don't want to take this one."

Why the pit not!? She's the one I choose and I will have her!

"She's really disobedient and she's a fighter, you would have a really hard time getting her to do as you say."

That just made Megatronus excited and want her even more. He chuckles, "She sounds very interesting and quite challenging. How much do you want for her?"

"The kind of femme she is I would have to say, ten thousand creds."

She's that bad? Should be very interesting then. "It's a deal," he says before he gets onto his datapad to send him the credits.

"Her name is Arcee and she's yours. Was a pleasure doing business with you," the old mech said before quickly walking off.

"Arcee..." He takes her servo and bends over to kiss it. She's mine and she always will be. He looks back up at her, "It's a pleasure to meet you, my little dancer," he says as his friends walk over to them.

"I can't believe you just bought a femme. But good optic, she's beautiful."

Megatronus glares at his friend as he continues to hold Arcee's servo, "Don't try anything," he says before he starts walking off with Arcee.

XXXXXX

"Forgive me for this, Arcee. I must see something," Megatron says before he pokes the point of his blade into her abdomen. He watches as it goes through her, "Just as I thought..."

"Megatron."

Megatron and Arcee look to see Optimus, Bulkhead, and Bumblebee walking towards them before stopping. Megatron yells out before he starts shooting at them and they disappear like the others. "You are real, they were not," he says as he looks at Arcee again. "I thought you might be, I haven't seen you or felt you in any dreams or anything in so long. I missed being near you, my little dancer. But, if this is my subconscious. Then why are you inside my head?" He starts walking around as he tries to think, "The only way you can enter my head is via Cortical Psychic Patch. But the question still remains, what happened to me?"

"The Space Bridge exploded and you were caught in it. I felt the disconnection in our bond and I seriously thought you were dead, it almost killed me. But then I felt the faint bit of life you were clinging onto..."

For the first time in years, Megatron felt his spark begin to break as he heard the pain in his mate's voice. He so desperately wants to hug her right now and reassure her everything is okay, but she decided to be on the opposite team and became his enemy. For now, at least, he will see about changing that. "Since you are in my head it means I am not one with the AllSpark. So tell me, do I still function?"

"In a way, yes," Arcee responds before pausing as she listens to Ratchet. "Megatron, listen, I need the antidote for the Cybonic Plague. Do you know it?"

"Cybonic Plague? Someone besides myself is unwell?" Arcee just nods and Megatron can put together who it is, "Optimus." He starts laughing at the irony of it, "Such irony! That after ages of endless battle, the mighty Optimus Prime is fell by a simple virus from distant past." Arcee can't help but glare at him as he continues, "And what makes you think that I would save the life of my oldest enemy?"

"Think about it, Megatron, after all these years of fighting and trying to take down Optimus. Do you really want him to fall by a virus instead of your own servos? Help him survive and when you finally wake you can have a rematch with him and try to destroy him yourself."

Megatron stares at her as he thinks it over and an idea pops into his head, "Your reasoning was very good, quite convincing. Let's make a deal, if I give you the antidote you must agree to help me wake up and be by my side as you should be. Deal?" Megatron finishes speaking as he puts out his servo for a shake to complete the deal and Arcee looks at it as the choices roll around in her processor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Next Chapter

[professionallydeadinside]

what do you mean no one's ever told you how beautiful you are? you're the most stunning person I've ever seen -> with Jagre and Guy <33

-Tostoa

“What do you mean no one’s ever told you how beautiful you are? You’re the most stunning person I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, uh, I.” Jagre felt his face get red. Somewhere in the audience of the holodeck he heard Libitina stifle a laugh.

“Cut! Lieutenant!”

“I know, I know!” Mirou didn’t even have to finish her sentence before Jagre knew what she was criticizing. They’d tried to practice this scene for thirty minutes and each time Guy got to that line, Jagre seemed to completely shut off. Before, Frevlar used to think Jagre was just forgetting his lines. But after thorough quizzing it was obvious to everyone (besides Guy, that is) that the only thing Jagre was struggling with was getting complimented by Guy.

“You two are supposed to be lovers! You can’t be this embarrassed that your beau is complimenting you!”

“When do we get to my scene?” Libitina complained. “I want to be the jealous husband!”

Mirou brightened up. Jagre could practically see the lightswitch activate in her head.

“Slight change of plans. Libitina and Jagre, switch roles for this run! Libitina is now the lover and Jagre will be the jealous husband.”

“What?” Jagre said incredulously.

“Alright? Start!” Mirou mimicked the sound of a clapperboard and pushed Jagre off stage as the scene restarted with Libitina as the new lover.

“What do you mean no one’s ever told you how beautiful you are? You’re the most stunning person I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh stop it, Archie. You know that’s not true.” Libitina wrapped her arms around Guy’s neck. Jagre seethed at how Guy held onto her waist. He tried to distract himself with the fact his que was coming up soon, right after Guy says a line about running away.

“But it is, and I shall always remind you of it.” Guy leaned in.

Right. The kiss.

The kiss that should’ve been Jagre’s but wasn’t because of how damn flustered Guy made him. The kiss that Jagre had only been daydreaming about for the last week. The kiss that Libitina had no right to take from him.

Jagre bristled and, completely involuntarily, growled so loudly both Guy and Libitina paused and turned to him.

‘Shit.’

“Perfect!” Mirou exclaimed, giving a small standing ovation. Jagre was baffled. He was ready to have to explain his outburst and here Mirou was complimenting him.

“You were a bit early but honestly? I think I like it better like this. One more time through then we can-“

“Crew to the bridge, please. We’ll be getting to Planet 3-2 in five. Thank you.” The captain’s voice cut through and just as quickly, turned back off. Mirou sighed.

“Nevermind. But rehearsal is still on for tomorrow!” She clapped her hands and released the crew to change back into their uniforms. Jagre stopped Guy before he could leave and paused until they were alone.

“Hey, sorry for cutting you off.” Jagre felt his tail flick side to side and hoped Guy didn’t notice.

“It’s okay. You did a good job. Although,” Guy brushed his fingers over some of Jagre’s fur that was still sticking upright, “I’m sad we never got to kiss.”

Ignoring that Jagre let every muscle in his body go rigid, Guy patted him on the shoulder and went to change out of his costume.

It seemed no matter what role Jagre played, he was doomed to be flustered around Guy.

[jumpscaregoose]

What are your thoughts on the character writing in Shaman King? I think it's pretty interesting since it doesn't always spell out everything for the reader.

sorry for leaving this for like 87 years I was deliberating my opinions and then I forgot

pinkie promise to not ignore more asks for this long please give me more things to drabble on about

this triggered an unskippable cutscene so I'm adding a read more but if you don't wanna be here for years me complaining is still above the cut (though I recommend being a nerd with me I have a graph)

anyways I have a running bit with myself whenever I'm googling something mankin related (like when capitalism was invented or the average altitude in hokkaido or something about lsd for the fiftieth time) that I do more research than takei did originally writing the damn thing. the exact words I say are usually "I should stop expecting takei to be good at his job when I do this" because takei does suck at his job sometimes. directing you towards him using the entirety of pre-colonial mesoamerica as a grab bag of random traits that results in hell for me googling stuff because ohmygod

I think the character writing is where this happens the least (though there was one point during my flowers reread where I had to step away from my computer because I forgot he did a thing and it was the SINGLE WORST THING HE COULD HAVE WRITTEN for those characters with that plot element but I digress that is a whole other thing that I am not qualified for)

the writing of our main characters (specifically pacing) is funny though one second I have a graph

these lines display (roughly) the points in the story where we're introduced to our five main characters and also the points where we get full backstory reveals

as you can see

takei what the actual fuck why is it so imbalanced

I think it's a cool funny haha but sir did you forget that one of your most important characters didn't have a full backstory for like four years

not much else to say about pacing except the manga is already really zoomy and when you don't give them enough episodes to adapt it you get an any% speedrun wr 19 hours 50 minutes whateverI'mnotdoingmoremath seconds also look at this typo I made writing this it's very important

ok right where we we

actually answering the ask sounds like a good idea now

overall I really like the characters in the shaman king manga, reboot anime, and what I've seen of the 2001 anime. I've already written an entire post about how much I love yoh and hao's writing. hana and alumi are neat and red crimson is an excellent manga but we're no here for sequels

also it's important to note that I have been staring at shaman king for like two years straight, I have no sense of what's obvious knowledge and what's obscure nolifer wisdom ( no idea where I fall on that spectrum basically)

recently I've been in a real x laws appreciation phase, I think lyserg's arc specifically is a neat and complex take on justice and healing. it feels like something that could realistically happen to a person, minus all the supernatural stuff of course

ever since I first watched the 2021 anime the summer it started airing I've also really liked ren. he's got the zuko type redemption arc thing going on, and while that's an age old trope something about the way he was written always gets me. watching 2021 episode 27 for the first time the day it came out (as the first episode I watched weekly btw, rip osorezan arc you're beautiful but the first time I watched you I was so preoccupied) was one of the most memorable media experiences I've ever had. 😲 face the entire time

horo's another fave writing wise, again mostly because I think the ridiculous pacing of his arc is Hilarious, but if you interpret it as takei being good at his job (possible but unlikely) his introduction scene is fantastic at establishing a character without letting you know you're missing something. I for one didn't notice until the narrative pointed it out at which point I freaked out a bit because oh no I ignored my son by accident. the wisdom kings fight still makes me lose it every time I watch it scene of all time as well (voice performance has to be my favourite part of that I don't think it would go half as hard animated without that)

those three are my favourite characters writing wise. I also think jeanne is cool but her entire arc is very similar to both lyserg's and ren's so I shan't elaborate. I will however tell you about the time I was sitting in math class when my teacher mentioned joan d'arc, I had what can only be described as a eureka moment, and spent five minutes frantically googling things until I zoned back in to him talking about the time he almost drowned in quicksand on mont saint michel

there's also some neat stuff with plant and flower symbolism that I haven't looked into in months but is pretty neat (I like the part where weed shows up because I am so very mature)

don't even get me started on the musical leitmotifs and themes (no seriously don't I have no real musical knowledge and no one to fact check my bs) but I did write another post about some of it if you haven't read it

uh in conclusion I don't think takei knows what he's doing sometimes, character writing in shaman king pretty good sometimes me likey, I will make graphs on a whim for basically no reason

here have another one I did in two minutes to explain ren and jeanne's parallel character arcs once

giveb me more mankin asks if you have any I have so many OPINIONS and TANGENTS I wish to be PROMPTED

[icharchivist]

I haven't played Dragon Age before btw but I think Veilguard looks really interesting. I hope I can get into it despite being a complete beginner

oh damn

I hope you can too.... from experiences while th DA games clearly follow heavily on one another, the fact each entry has it's own protagonist, they usually use it to really go "we can't assume you know what happened previously so here's a run down". I've seen people who never played the previous games get fully entranced by da2 or dai, and i have no doubt da4 will do the same on that regard, so if this is the way you want to go about it, i'm sure the game will be accomodating. and the game does look a hell of fun.

Personally i think it's a terrible idea but i'm also a person who has been living those past 8 years on the incredible high DAI's ending left me on with its major plot twist that literally changed everything, all while actually having been set up for all 3 games that going back to any of the prev game is a treat in term of treasure hunts of how "everything was there all along, we just didn't know any better" and genuinely i'd be saddened by people being introduced by the twist /first/ when the games have set this beauty up in 3 games.

The current promo cycle revealed also very early 20mins of the gameplay (not the very beginning and it skips around on a few scenes, but it's basically huge part of the prologue), and they will throw you into it right away (and there's no way it won't spoil the prev game, like, at all lmao), which is... so exciting as a long time fan, but is going to be a lot of biased exposition dump too.

("biased" bc the person who's going to fill you in on the situation has a history with the character it's about as well and the chara in question is so incredibly built through all of DAI and is such a nuanced, interresting character, that describing him in a few sentences is. very likely to get you the wrong idea about him. *mumbles* not like playing DAI has ever stopped people from being wrong about him, but,)

(Because yeah also 2 major characters/companions from da2 and DAI have been confirmed to coming back, as well as one of the most detailled secondary characters from DAI becoming a companion in DA4, so there's a lot of history there. The concept arts also teased a lot of returns from possible DAO, DA2 and DAI characters as well.

Not to mention they also confirmed the protagonist of DAI is coming back for a considerable portion of the game to "finish their story with [one of the major character of DAI (and possible romance option) that is going to be super important in DA4]" and has been mentioned to have a significant part to play/that sometimes you'll have to play them.)

But hey i'm talking from the place of someone who spent the last 8 years replaying the three games so often i have 700 hours on the first game, 600 on the second, and nearly 1500 hours on the third one (i've been replaying it those past few weeks, i'm 130 hours in and i am still "early" ish in the plot lmaoooo, and i already planned to replay the game when i'm done.), and have diven into everything the saga has to offer, from books to comics to movies to TV shows and webseries.

(speaking of TV shows, Dragon Age: Absolution on netflix was released a couple years ago and it was a great entry. It also has spoilers from DAI but if you decide to still going on with playing DA4 despite that, you can also watch DA:A to see if the universe compeels you to get deeper into. The show is short, 6/8 episodes? And the full cast (aside from Fairbanks being a big npc on dai and the cliffhanger refering to prev games as well) are new characters so the story can work as a stand alone thanks to that. and it's 2D animated, it's lovely)

point is i'm fully biased and the one thing that thrills me more than anything else about the game is really just rereading the pages of lore and seeing how they connect, so while to me the twist is 100% worth discovering in full, it's also just /my/ concern personally.

(and i can't even begin to touch on the specific high i've been on for the past month by the fact the trailer + gameplay showcase already went on to confirm theories i've been having for /years/ and there's a specific type of high that comes from "oh my god i picked that up!!! i did!!!! holy shit!!!" that would be lost on a new player who's introduced to it right away)

but it's MY way of experiencing DA and i think if you want to go into da4 first, esp since the other games are intimidating in some way (and god knows i've tried to drag ppl into DA and they all ditched early in DAO because DAO has some slow gameplay and some slow built before really hooking you in, so while i can't relate i know it's a deal breaker for some people when i say "no please start from the start"), i'm sure you'll still be on for a treat and everything.

If you end up getting into da4 without playing the other games, if you have questions my inbox is opened. I tend not to talk about DA much on main bc i can't stand the fandom esp on here and don't want them to find me at all (which is why every single of my completely unhinged rantings about DA have been confined to private conversation with friends and spamming my private twitter account i mostly have my IRLs on), but at least in term of lore clarification i should be able to help o7

anyway sorry lots of thoughts about it but i've been thinking about it a lot lately especially as i'm replaying DAI and i'm constantly crying just playing exploration phases because i'm just so enamoured with the way the game saga grew and rewards you for caring yaknow? and how as happy as i am people are interested in DA4 because i do want the game to do well and personally i feel in every fiber of my body that it's going to be a blast, but it saddens me to think the whole saga and the way the twists and turns affected one another will not be experienced fully by newcomers.

but again. ranting of a raving fan, and the game itself will surely ease you through it, so don't mind me too much about it.

I genuinely can't wait, my brain has been only DA for the past month.

happy it got your interest though <333