#the reason you think 'this all sounds the same' is because YOU HAVE ONLY LOOKED AT A NARROW CATEGORY OF OPERA
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Just in case anyone was wondering, I am in fact a federal employee and I am in fact having A Fucking Time Of It
In roughly chronological order, here's all the things that have fucked us over the last two weeks:
Hiring freeze effective immediately, which involved rescinding final offers to people who were about to start their job. A final offer is something you can get a mortgage with btw. It's what you get after months of paperwork. It's something you move cross country for. Eighteen people just at our hospital had a final offer rescinded
A demand for a return to in person work, with no explanation given for why they want this so badly. No explanation on people who have teleworking written into their contracts, or people who have teleworking as a reasonable accommodation
Related to the hiring freeze: no creation of any new jobs in even a preliminary way, even to prep to fill existing vacancies after the 90 days are over
Closing of all DEIA teams groups, webinar series, webpages, department gatherings... Anything you can think of. This included the queer teams based communities that were just a place for people to chat
Related to this: our acting secretary sending out an email that sounds straight out of the fucking Gestapo, where "we are aware of efforts by some in government to deliberately redefine DEIA positions in an attempt to keep their jobs. If you know of this happening, here's an email line we've set up for tips. There won't be adverse consequences for reporting, however, failure to report may have adverse consequences"
What appears to have been trying to be a total freeze on federal spending, which threw literally everything into chaos, I was not able to follow it at all, but the hospital is still running so I'm assuming money is happening somewhere
Two strange emails from OPM.gov, marked EXTERNAL, saying they're testing a new distribution list and to please reply yes. These were considered so universally sus by employees that they had to come down from central office and confirm that yes, these are legit, please reply
A day later, an email from that same external address offering voluntary resignation, which I'm pretty sure is the bit that's been all over the news for (checks notes) being word for word the same email musk sent to Twitter before proceeding to Not Pay Them
A restriction on communication and travel. "No speaking engagements or attendance at public facing events, seminars, or conferences (unless approved by chief of staff) for 6 months. VA only events are excluded." Which was later clarified to mean "well if you're going for continuing Ed, as long as you aren't presenting, it's ok" but then backtracked to "it's probably ok but you still need approval which can take upwards of a month." Why are they restricting speaking at conferences? It's not a money thing because traveling for VA events still costs money. It's like they're looking to prevent staff from interacting with anyone external, for some reason
And today, an email this morning that "leadership has received guidance from the office of personnel management [regarding the EO about "gender ideology extremism and restoring biological truth"] and is working to execute the EO fully, faithfully, and thoughtfully."
This afternoon at 4:30, this began with an all employee email saying that all personal pronouns are being removed from Outlook display names by IT, which was a system implemented several years ago and broadly popular! But nope, we'll need to go back to guessing what genders new coworkers named Quinn, Alex, Morgan, and Taylor are.
(oh I forgot! I can't use the word gender at work anymore. Using Proper Terminology (as interpreted by our ~~~Illustrious President~~~) in all communications at work is now required)
It's been a fucking week and a half and I am so goddamn tired guys. Sorry I haven't been on again but I'm spending most of my energy on Not McFucking Losing It rn
#mine#politics#send me strength guys everyone i know is ready to snap#i probably forgot some stuff in the insanity. this is just me going down the new email folder i have labeled 'fuckery'#im taking monday off for a mental health day. who knows what ill come vack to on thursday!
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NOWHERE GIRL
PART THIRTEEN
kang sae-byeok x fem!reader
synopsis: in a weird turn of events, sae-byeok tries to comfort those around her.
wc. 2.1k
warnings: angst followed by comfort
(nowhere girl masterlist)
Sae-byeok feels delirious. After everyone in the apartment fell asleep, only she remained awake trying to recollect the memories the events that occurred from only a couple hours ago. But they came in fragments. She mostly recalls seeing red when you and her went to Daejeon. She is aware how rigid her words can shift when she is angry or stressed and she regrets yelling at you. This is something she can’t find the pride to admit but, you’re the reason Ji-yeong was found. Not her.
She is losing her way of life. Her currently lifestyle is making her go soft and she’s still nowhere near her monetary goal to rescue her mom. And because Ji-yeong hasn’t been at work for three days now, it’s up to her to cough up a little extra money on the streets in order to pay rent next week. The money you gave her ran out, so instead of going to sleep she waits until everyone else is, throws on her jacket and heads out the door.
This time Sae-byeok made sure to pickpocket out of town.
By the time she arrives back to her apartment it was already the afternoon meaning she spent her entire morning pickpocketing. Her foot is aching and the only thing she had for lunch was a bulgogi onigiri she bought at the convenience store. She was ready to collapse in bed but she had responsibilities to take care of.
The lights in the apartment where still shut off and all the curtains are shut with little light escaping though them. You were long gone by the time she arrived back with her clothes and blanket neatly folded on the couch. You sent her a message when you departed at seven in the morning so she asked that you let her know when you made it home safe. But have yet to reply, it’s starting to concern her now.
Cheol was also sound asleep on his side of the bed, to her surprise. He also tends to wake up early like Sae-byeok, but perhaps he didn’t get a restful sleep last night because she wasn’t here.
She quietly counts the crumpled up balls of money and coins she was able to collect and stuffed majority of the money inside her drawer.
Her next stop is Ji-yeong’s room.
“How long have you been awake?” Sae-byeok asks after Ji-yeong unlocked her bedroom door and let her in. Her roommate jumps back into bed as she sits on the edge.
“I think like three hours ago but I lost track.” she mumbles, her tone more melancholic than usual.
She notices how puffy and lifeless her eyes are, clearly she was crying all night. Sae-byeok sighs, she wishes she could know the words to use to make Ji-yeong feel better. But maybe words aren’t enough in her case.
“So, what happened with your dad?” she asks cautiously and observes her facial expression to check if there’s a flicker of change in them.
Ji-yeong lets out an exasperated sigh and struggles to speak momentarily. “At first, he refused to see me so I had to wait for an hour until he finally changed his mind. Then he kept apologizing and apologizing and was like ‘I ask God for forgiveness everyday’ but when I told him it was all bullshit he went…I saw the dark look in his eyes again.” she looks at Sae-byeok in the eyes. “It was the same look he had when he killed mom. I had chills up my spine seeing him like that I seriously thought I was next.”
Sae-byeok felt a pang in her chest. A part of her feels like she pushed Ji-yeong into this mess.
“What’s with that look?” Ji-yeong asks. She doesn’t respond. “Don’t feel bad for telling me to visit him. I actually feel better—less guilty about his current state. I still need time I think.”
“Time to think?”
“Yeah, to process everything. But unfortunately, I only have today to do that because I picked up a twelve hour shift at work to make up for the days I missed.”
“Is that your way of telling me to get out of your room?”
Ji-yeong reaches to pat her back. “Look at you being emotionally intelligent!”
With a roll of her eyes she gets off the mattress and towards the door.
“Wait before you go,” Ji-yeong speaks up. “have you seen ‘her’ yet?” she wriggles her eyebrows when Sae-byeok turns around.
“What’s with that face and why did you say her like that?” Sae-byeok scoffs, feeling defensive suddenly.
“I take back my emotionally intelligent comment then.” she grumbles, shaking her head. “I saw her get ready this morning so I was wondering if you dropped her off or something.”
“No, I didn’t drop her off. I left before any of you woke up.” Sae-byeok says flatly and takes a hold of the door knob. She doesn’t like where this conversation is taking.
“She seemed off though.” she points out when Sae-byeok opens the door.
“Did she? Didn’t notice.”
When Sae-byeok is fully out the door it didn’t prevent her from hearing Ji-yeong say, “I can see right through you, Kang Sae-byeok!”
⊹ ✿・・───・・✦・・───・・✿
Later in the day, once Cheol woke up and had lunch, Sae-byeok casually mentioned the idea of seeing you. This elated the boy, who asked if it was possible to drop by your place as early as today. And because you haven’t been replying to Sae-byeok’s text, she agreed.
So, this lead the Kang siblings to stand outside your apartment door.
When you open it, Sae-byeok did notice you seem off. Your eyes were slightly swollen and tired almost like Ji-yeong’s crying ones. Maybe she came at a bad time—or bad day.
“Hi. Did something happen?” you softly, adverting your gaze down to Cheol.
“Cheol, wanted to see you.” she says plainly. “And you weren’t replying to my texts.”
“Hi, Noona.” Cheol greets you bashfully.
Sae-byeok can readily tell that you were forcing your face muscles to smile at Cheol. You bend down your knees to meet at his level.“Hey! I’m glad you wanted to stop by to see me I have some things for you.”
“Seriously?” he blinks.
You nod and tell them to enter the apartment before rushing up the stairs. Minutes later, you come back with a wooden crate full of supplies and plop it down in front of the boy.
Cheol sends you a skeptical glance. You encourage him to look inside the basket. There were full marker sets, graphite pencils of different grades, paint brushes with dried up paint, acrylic paint, and small empty canvases. Maybe there was more in the basket he missed.
“Is this all for me?” he mutters in disbelief.
“Of course.”
“Thank you, Noona.” he says, contemplating whether to reach over to embrace you but held back the urge in fear. You could sense his hesitation so you outstretch your arms and engulf him in a hug.
When you still embrace him, you look up at Sae-byeok, a flicker of sadness was in your eyes. She’s sure of it. She has a hard time grasping your kindness and selflessness during rough times like this. Your gesture made her chest get this achy feeling again.
After the hug, you encourage him to practice on your old sketchpad that had only two of your past drawings on them from high school.
Once he gets busy unloading everything you got him on the floor, you pull Sae-byeok aside. “I’m sorry I didn’t reply that is a bad move on my end knowing what we went through last night. But I also have something for you and Ji-yeong too by the way.”
“What?”
Before she could process it, you usher her up the stairs to your small bed space. Due to the space being so small she had to duck her head and sit on the mattress, watching you rummage through your piles of knickknacks you haven’t yet organized.
You plop down next to her. Right next to her. Sae-byeok wasn’t used to feeling someone’s leg brush up right against hers. You uncurl your fingers to reveal a black woven rope bracelet on your palm and reach your hand out to her.
Sae-byeok bites the inside of her cheek. She doesn’t know if she can handle so much of your tender hearted acts when she doesn’t think she deserves even an ounce of it. However, it would be cruel to turn down this gesture so she reaches to take it.
“And can you give this to, Ji-yeong?” you ask and pull out a thin necklace with a small firefly pendant. Sae-byeok sighs, but nods and takes that too.
“Thank you.” Sae-byeok says, lowly.
“I just got one favor to ask.” you say with rapid fire speed, fiddling with the hem of your shirt anxiously. “Can I paint you for my last project?”
Sae-byeok whips her head to look at you. She forgot the lack of personal space there was in between you two. “What?”
“Can…I paint you—“
“I heard you. But why me?” she asks, frowning.
“You have a unique face.” you answer simply but her face morphs into bewilderment.
“Excuse me?”
“Your eyes are sharp and cool but your face shape is soft and delicate. You have great features for a standout portrait.” you explain with ease. Sae-byeok’s lip part slightly. No one ever talks about her looks, especially not so carefully thought out. “It’s the type of unique face that’s almost—hm…mythical.”
She scoffs at the sheer disbelief she’s feeling. “You’re just bluffing.”
“There’s no reason for me to do that. I had other people as options but you stood out the most.” you say, genuinely. “So, do I have permission?”
Sae-byeok blinks at you. The idea of you having to stare at her face and think about her features for hours is an unfathomable thought. But you appear to be dead set on this decision, you didn’t laugh or mock her to convince her.
“Okay.”
She stares down at the bracelet and fiddles with it, her eyes soften up.
Sae-byeok has a hard time understanding that there is beauty in this world. Growing up in the North only taught her how to fear, and once her managed to flee South she had to became a shell of a person. Cheol, for a long time, was her only light in this new isolated world. She remembers briefly being like her little brother when she was his age, timid and quiet but showed her love. But as the people in her life either died or failed to escape the North, she forgot what it was like to feel and give love.
She never had time to figure out who she was as a person. To her, it was a waste of time. It was better to guard herself from the outside world that was so cruel and unusual.
“Ji-yeong said you looked off this morning.” Sae-byeok says out of the blue, feeling courageous to let her guard down ever so slightly.
“Oh.” is all you said to her surprise.
With another pang of courage hitting her system, she tilts her head to look at you.
You’ve proved Sae-byeok wrong time and time again. She used to be so sure you weren’t this selfless person you presented yourself to be when you came to live in their apartment back in March. But she’s ashamed to admit that she was wrong about your character. Very wrong.
“You did a lot for me last night. I won’t forget it.” she says after more and more momentary silence.
“It’s not—“
“Quit being so selfless for once.” she says in annoyance. She straightens up her posture and exhales trying to gather her words. “Can—Can you look at me?”
Hesitantly, you do as she says. Your face screams of worry and fear.
“What’s wrong?” Sae-byeok barely manages to say while looking into your eyes. “Tell me.”
She feels vulnerable under your tender gaze, noticing that you were studying her facial features carefully. It takes everything in her not to break away.
“I feel sad.” you say, shakily. “I still can’t believe my parents let me go so easily...” your chest visibly heaving. Before your lips start trembling you glance away.
Sae-byeok gulps. Before her brain could start figuring out what to do next she hears Cheol’s footsteps. You both instinctively scoot farther away from each other and compose yourselves.
“Is everything okay?” you ask the boy when he appears from the top of the stairs. Sae-byeok heard the glumness you tried terribly to mask.
“I don’t know how to work this, Noona.” he pouts, holding out a set of watercolor paint.
“Here, I will show you.” you say and hurry to get off of your bed to lead Cheol back downstairs. “This is watercolor paint. It’s dried up right now because you need to activate it with water.”
When Sae-byeok knows you’ve made your way to the kitchen she lets out a set of groans and palms her face. She doesn’t know why she is so bad at this. Comforting—a complete mystery to her.
🏷️: @monroesturnns @knfthxv @jumpedthenfell-13 @peelover25 @karli6 @kissedberries @bitchybananaflower @laurenkenss @saebyeokbliss @everly-summers-solace @we1rdth0ughts
#kang sae byeok#kang sae byeok x reader#squid game#squid game fanfic#kang sae byeok squid game#kang sae byeok x fem!reader#fanfic#wlw#wlw fanfic#saebyeok#sae byeok#kang saebyeok x reader#kang saebyeok
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hello! how do you find consistent friends in fandom? as in, how do you find people who stick with you through different fandoms and listen and read your work. also, how long have you been writing for and how long did it take you to get so good at writing and character analysis.... your work is such an inspiration to me, genuinely one of my top 3 authors across ao3. i hope the writing goes well!
hey! this is really sweet, thank you very much for your lovely kind words. 💖
re: friendship: i don't mean to be a downer about this so i hope it doesn't come across this way, but i do think the concept of friends where you follow each other through all your fandoms and continue to read each other's work etc kind of... either doesn't exist or is just a rare phenomenon and not a 'type' of friend per se more than it is something that just happens out of luck. i am lucky enough to have friendships which have persisted through all of us changing fandoms, but the reason those friendships last is actually because we found connections that went beyond common interests. i think sharing a fandom/interest is great as an initial point of connection and a way to meet, but for a relationship to last, you need to have a deeper bond than both being into the same thing--so contrary to what you've asked about (oops sorry) those friendships im speaking of only last because we didn't follow each other into different fandoms, really. we didn't have to. along the same vein, i'd respectfully argue that it wouldn't be productive or fair of me to group 'reading my work' in as an element of friendship, so to speak--i definitely don't expect my friends to read my fic and vice versa, we all understand that we can support each other in our creative pursuits and lives in general / in the abstract without needing to be a fan of the same things or even necessarily being fans of each other's work (although of course it's always nice). i know this doesn't really answer your specific question but i hope it doesn't come across as pessimistic as it might sound. i truly and genuinely believe it's a positive thing that the idealised friendgroup traipsing through fandoms together doesn't really exist (or if it does exist, it's luck and not something to shoot for in itself), because this just tells me to look out for these great opportunities to form bonds that last beyond superficial interests.
in terms of how to make those friendships to begin with, im honestly even less help. my friendships kind of just happened to me. im actually quite terrible at reaching out to people and i am notoriously difficult to reach myself hahaha so honestly all the credit for my friendships goes to my friends for being patient and sticking with me despite that. i am honestly just very lucky in that i've been able to talk out loud into the void and have had wonderful people reach out to me because of it, but that's hardly a reliable strategy... i guess i'd encourage you to be more like my friends, who are the anime protagonists wielding the power of friendship to my prickly antagonist, or whatever. oh another thing to remember i guess is that some friendships just don't last this way and will stay within fandoms and may peter out, and that's ok. i don't consider those relationships less real or valuable for being less lasting.
re: writing: i want to caveat that i don't think i'm fairly able to say (or comfortable saying) that i'm particularly good at writing or character analysis, certainly not to an extent that i'd be willing to hold myself up as an example of it, but i really appreciate that you feel that way about my work and am incredibly honoured to be considered an inspiration in any capacity!!
with that disclaimer made, i'll do my best to answer for whatever it's worth. i've liked writing ever since i was a very little kid, but i will credit any actual progress i've made in developing the skill to writing fanfic because i think that being able to focus on building character and logical flow in plot progression over other things like creating characters, worldbuilding, inventing plots wholesale, etc--which has allowed me to sort of expedite those skills in particular and which i think are helpful in writing more broadly. (this also answers the 'character analysis' part specifically--when you don't have to/get to invent a character, you have to spend more time taking them apart.) anyway, i started writing fic about twelve or thirteen years ago, and there have been periods within that where i've progressed faster or slower depending what's going on in my life haha. i do think time played a massive role in any skill developments i've made, but i also know people take less time or more time to make similar progress (caveat again: progression is subjective, this is very approximate), so i think the other key ingredient besides time is engagement. if it's helpful, i went into that a little bit more here, but as stated i have a lot more to learn and would never present myself as an expert lol
#asks#sorry god i dont know if this is remotely helpful. probably not.#i dont know how to express in a measured way that im possibly the worst and least helpful person to ask about friendship#im very 'tch... friends... what the hell is up with that shit...' and then my beloved friends go 'ok dude' and care abt me anyway#so. i am sorry. im very little help on this front. ive learned a lot about 'friendship' in the abstract FROM my friends but#very little about how to MAKE friends like on purpose because my friends just kind of happened to me. because im lucky?#but i will say the perspective ive gained on friendship and what one can realistically expect from it has been very valuable#and has led me to value my friendships even more#anyway... tch... friendship... what the hell is up with that sh#rookthots#hi my friends reading this i love you
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OP81 x Reader [Let's Get Out of Here]
warnings: smut, kinda rough at times
(really short fic)
this is a repost, since I am desperately trying to learn how to manage posts and format them, thanks for your patience!
(I am currently open to requests and slowly working through them<3)
You've known Oscar for a couple of months now. You first met the driver at a casual party of a mutual friend. And for some reason, unlike everyone, you seemed unable to hold a civil conversation with him.
Maybe it was the way he looked completely uninterested when you came up to him to ask a simple question. Or how he was always calm, no matter the situation, no matter how you felt. You truly didn't know.
But the fact is, every chat, every even slightly pointed glance, the smallest interaction would ignite flames and fighting. And you didn't understand it. You didn't understand yourself and your feelings.
There you are, sipping a cola on ice, in a slight haze, as your eyes take in the stuffy room of a friend's apartment. The movement of the people dancing around seems slowed and a bit blurry.
You're not drunk at all, but rather detached. You've had a bloody awful day after you had an argument with a family member. You wish to forget, to take your mind off things, to think about only the pleasant things.
It's honestly a perfect situation to get drunk and forget, yet you hold yourself back, knowing that this isn't the thing you should be doing. Moments like that always end up the same, with you barely able to walk, stumbling to your cold, empty apartment, having to clean your own puke the next morning, with a massive hangover.
The world around you seems to swirl, the seconds tangling together into minutes, as you sit alone, swirling the liquid in your glass. You exhale shakily, placing your heavy head on your hand. You close her eyes tiredly before opening them and looking up, just in time to see him walking through the door.
You want to scoff seeing Oscar, his unnerving calm expression present on his face as always. His eyes meet yours, as if feeling your stare... Or were you glaring?
He raises an eyebrow at you, his face nonchalant as if in a challenge. You straighten up, pulling out of your haze, not willing to give him the satisfaction of seeing you vulnerable.
Oscar almost rolls his eyes at your gesture, reading it correctly. His eyes soften slightly as he approaches you slowly. You don't take your eyes off him, having to look up more the closer he gets.
"Piastri," you say coldly, though your voice cracks slightly, indicating your slightly shaken state.
He observes you closely, his eyes narrowing knowingly, figuring out that you are not feeling too good.
"What's with the sour expression? You look unhappy; it's definitely not just because I'm here."
"Maybe it is." you mutter, but your eyes relax a little as you give up on looking tough, knowing that he's got you figured out already. "Why do you suddenly care?"
Oscar pulls out a chair and sits right in front of you without looking away for even a split second. He takes in the way you're dressed, your expression, your hair, and every single inch of you that he can see.
"Dunno. Maybe I just feel curious." He shrugs, with absolutely no shame, studying every single movement of the muscles of your face. "So? What happened?"
You exhale, giving up on trying to chase him away, knowing that while he usually looked like he didn't care about anything, once he settled on something, he stubbornly kept to it.
"It's not a good day for me," you say quietly, finally showing slight sensitivity, meeting his eyes, which soften slightly at your words.
"And so you chose to go to a party instead of taking care of yourself at home?" He asks, and although his tone sounds a bit scolding for some reason, for once it doesn't make you want to punch him in the face. His questions came off more as his way of showing concern.
You would like to keep believing he doesn't care. That he is completely insensitive to everything you feel, maybe even enjoys it when you're miserable. But in this moment, he's anything but that. Even though his words are reserved, the way his honey brown orbs follow yours makes your heart flutter a bit for some reason. His lips suddenly look more full than usual, and oh, did he always have such a nice nose?
You open her mouth a bit, a little overwhelmed by those sudden thoughts. You quickly shake them off, trying to focus on forming a coherent response.
"I really don't want to be alone right now. The loud music and people are still better than sitting in my empty apartment right now. Even if it's not the best setting." you manage to say, taking a deep breath. "I didn't have any better ideas."
Oscar keeps looking at you, actually taking your words seriously. Seeing how you sit here, trying to handle your heavy heart, makes him soften. He gets up and holds his hand out to you.
"Come on. You shouldn't spend an evening like that at a party. You can stay with me tonight."
Your eyes widen at those words. The guy who'd show disinterest in everything you said, who you'd fight with all the time, saying something so sympathetic? It feels unreal.
Your face heats up a bit, soft hints of a blush barely visible on your cheeks. You blink quickly, trying to calm down a bit, not able to look away from the man standing in front of you.
"We won't do anything you don't want to do," he says quickly, noticing your subtle reaction to his words. "I promise."
To hell with it.
You carefully take his warm hand and get up, stumbling a little, even though you are completely sober. Oscar immediately catches you, steadying you and looking down to meet your eyes, which are still wide.
Still in a slight daze, you let him lead you out of the party and walk down the street with you in the chilly evening air. You shiver a little, as you didn't bother to take a jacket with her.
Without hesitation, he takes his large hoodie off and helps you put it on carefully, not saying a word. His scent immediately envelops you, as the fabric warms you up almost instantly.
He takes your arm gently and walks you through the empty streets. You press your lips together, utterly confused by the whole situation. Why did he start taking care of you like that?
"Thank you," you say quietly, not wanting to be ungrateful. A few hours ago you'd probably say that you hate his guts, but now... His actions leave you confused.
You walk in silence for a while before finally stopping in front of his apartment door. For some reason you feel nervous, never having been to his home before. The whole evening made you doubt yourself and every single emotion you ever felt. Even though none of the things Oscar did were that big, they made you feel like a whole different person.
He glances at you and opens the door for you, actually acting like a gentleman for once. Or maybe he's always been one, and you were just too busy focusing on his faults to notice? You really didn't know anymore.
He helps you to a seat, even though you are perfectly capable of walking by yourself, and kneels down, carefully undoing all the little straps of your shoes. You feel her face heat up once more, looking down at the man on his knees before you, helping you with everything, without you even having to ask.
"Why are you doing this?" you whisper softly, looking at Oscar, who just got up and sat down in front of you. Your eyes are shining in the dim light; you are almost fascinated by the man and his doings.
"Because you need to be taken care of." He answers softly, looking back at you, with something resembling determination in his eyes. "And I'll provide anything you need so you can feel better."
Your breathing slows down a little, while your heart speeds up at that.
"Anything?" you whisper softly, your body almost aching to touch him, feel the warmth of his hands on your skin again.
Oscar nods his head, and before he can say anything else, you lean closer, gently supporting his chin, while your lips touch his. Without hesitating, he puts his hands on both sides of your head, tangling your hair in his fingers as he takes the lead of the kiss.
You lean back after a few seconds, your breathing shaky, making eye contact with the Aussie.
"Just tell me what you want me to do," he whispers to you, his eyes full of affection and warmth you didn't think he was capable of showing.
"Just... Make me forget about it. I want to feel you. Just you."
"Do you want me to be gentle?" he asks, assuming that you need only care and affection.
"The opposite," you whisper, making Oscar's breath hitch slightly. He gets up and lifts you up from the couch, twirling you around a bit, before rather quickly making his way to the bedroom with you. He didn't want to have you on the couch for the first time. This had to be more intimate.
He throws you down on the bed a bit roughly, crawling on top of you. You're still wearing his hoodie over your silver party dress, which honestly turns him on quite a bit.
"My beautiful girl," he murmurs, breathing in the sweet scent of your perfume, as he buries his head in your neck. "All for me to have."
He places soft kisses on your jaw and quickly moves lower, to your collarbone, progressively getting rougher. He nibbles and leaves hickeys all over you, marking all the sweet spots that make you whimper and moan.
"O-Oscar." You stutter, gripping his muscular back a bit, before immediately releasing it as the sensations continue.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" He asks quietly, a small smirk on his face, "Tell me how it feels, honey."
You bite your lower lip softly at the nickname, not expecting him to get this intimate so quickly, but definitely liking it.
"Feels... amazing," you whisper, which makes him continue. He takes his hoodie off of you before lifting up your party dress. His lips curl at your underwear. It's a simple lacy set, nothing too fancy. He doesn't need anything fancy, though.
"Light green, interesting choice." He teases slightly, undoing your bra and sliding it off, careful not to scratch you with the clip. He'd rather leave all the marks himself after all.
His hands move to your now-exposed breasts, kneading them in a painfully slow way, before taking one of your nipples in his lips, sucking on it, and teasing it with his tongue.
It makes you moan, which causes him to smirk against your breasts.
"Eager, are we?" He mutters, his head buried in your chest. Without moving his face away, his hand goes lower, sliding under your panties and feeling your already wet core.
His lips curl at the fact that he makes you so wet, but he doesn't comment on it for now, slipping a finger into you, making more beautiful sounds come out of your mouth. He attacks your chest with his tongue and grazes it with his teeth occasionally, all while working on your slit.
It doesn't take long before you are close. Your mouth opens slightly as you let out another whiny whimper.
"Oscar... I'm..." she stutters out, looking down at the man who's busy pleasuring her body.
"I know, pretty girl." He smirks. "But I can't let you yet." He pulls away, leaving your hole empty for a moment.
He takes his shirt off, making your eyes drift to his muscular stomach. He can see you enjoying the view, which makes him smirk again. Soon enough, he is completely naked, just like you. Still on top of you, he positions himself in front of your entrance.
He leans closer, his mouth close to yours. His dick is of regular size, maybe just a bit bigger than most. Still, you observe him a bit carefully, knowing that you asked him to be rough.
"You can take it; I know you can, baby." Oscar whispers and begins pounding into you. His movements are quite quick, cutting your breaths short, as he thrusts away. You both pant and moan, feeling pure bliss. You never would have thought having sex with him could feel so exquisite.
"God, you're taking me so well," he murmurs, going faster, which makes your moans grow louder. "That's right, let me hear your filthy whines."
You both finish at the same time, breathing heavily. He collapses on top of you, making eye contact.
"You did so good for me, pretty girl," he whispers into your ear and rolls to the side, lying next to you, as you catch your breath.
You look at him, your eyes turning watery. You suddenly feel even more vulnerable after sharing this intimate moment with Oscar.
"Why wouldn't you ever look at me? Why were you always so cold?" You whisper, not able to stop yourself from asking the question that keeps disturbing your peace of mind.
He looks back at her, his expression soft but serious; he wraps his strong arms around you, hugging you tightly.
"Because you intimidated me. I don't think I have ever seen a woman more enticing than you. I don't understand it myself, but I cannot keep my thoughts away from you. And it scared me sometimes."
You don't say anything to his words. You didn't need to. You let yourself sink in the warm feeling of being cared for. You look up to meet his gorgeous brown eyes and peck the tip of his nose, making him smile widely. He immediately responds with a soft kiss, only on your lips. You nuzzle up against him, breathing softly.
Neither of you say anything, simply finding comfort in each other's presence. Soon enough, your eyelids start feeling heavy, and you feel yourself dozing off in his arms.
#f1 fanfic#f1 imagines#f1 smut#f1 x reader#op81 x reader#oscar piastri smut#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri imagine
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More than Friends
Summary: Some time away from your best friend forces you to confront your feelings.
Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader
Rating: T
Word Count: 3.5k
Tags/Warnings: fluff, idiots in love, best friends to lovers, Frankie is a mechanic post TF (that’s my head canon for him), slightly non-canon (no lady, no baby), reader is able bodied and shorter than Frankie, no other physical description of reader is given. The photos in the moodboard are for aesthetic only.
A/N: Here it is. My contribution to the lovely @jolapeno Dear-uary challenge. I was given the task of creating something for my favorite guy, which also happens to be her favorite guy too. (No pressure right? lol). I hope you enjoy this little slice of fluff. Thank you to @maggiemayhemnj for giving this a once over.
P.S. No shade to the city of Minneapolis. I’ve only been to Minneapolis once but it is a very nice city. Reader is only a little unhappy about being there because she doesn’t like the cold.
Moodboard, dividers and banner by me.
Frankie’s texts in bold, readers texts in italics.
Your bag hits the floor with a dull thud. Seven days in Minnesota, in the fall, is not your idea of fun. It was your job to get the Minneapolis office on board with the new changes within the company, so here you are. At least it wasn’t snowing, that was something to be grateful for.
The last conversation you had with Frankie keeps replaying in your head. He said he’d miss you. It wasn’t only the words that had you thinking; it was the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice…it just felt different. Why did it always seem like he was trying to tell you something when everyone else was around, never when the the two of you were alone?
The two of you had been best friends for years. All the guys teased both of you about the way you flirted with each other, but that’s all it was. That’s what you tell yourself, anyway. But lately, it had felt like more, and it was getting harder to ignore.
Tuesday 4:41 pm
Made it to the hotel, safe and sound.
The city view is spread out before you. The skyscrapers jut into the clear, cerulean sky and you can see the Mississippi River and a clock tower that reminds of Big Ben from your window.
You miss your condo and your bed already. You miss Frankie, too. Was he missing you the same way you were missing him?
Frankie hears the chirp of his phone and wipes the grease from his hands, smiling when he sees your name on the screen. He’s been waiting for your text to know you made it safely.
He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you since you said goodbye last night. The way your eyes sparkled in the moonlight on your deck almost made him confess everything to you. He came so close to telling you that he was falling for you and he wanted to be more than friends, but the words got stuck in his throat. He was always so tongue tied when it came to you. The cold, hard truth was that he was a coward, and he was afraid of losing your friendship. He’d rather have you this way than not at all.
There’s my girl! Glad you made it safe
The way he calls you ‘his girl’ makes you smile. Of course he would call you that now. You’re a thousand miles away and you can’t make him have a serious conversation about it.
It’s too cold here. I miss the Florida heat.
Frankie laughs out loud then looks around to make sure he’s alone. You were always cold, always borrowing a flannel or a hoodie from him.
What’s the temperature there?
55 degrees. Brrrrrrrr. I should have stolen one of your hoodies and packed it in my suitcase.
Frankie shakes his head. He’s honestly surprised that you didn’t steal one of his shirts. You did that all the time. The only reason he let you get away with it was because they smelled like you when he got them back.
That’s not so bad. You’ll survive.
He was right, you knew that. You packed a few different blazers and light sweaters. It wouldn’t be too bad, but you still missed the weather back home.
It could be worse, but I miss the palm trees and the beach already.
This week will go by fast, Clover. You’ll see.
You know he’s right. Work will keep you busy enough and there’s got to be something fun to do in this city. You have a weekend to yourself to explore but exploring isn’t as fun when you’re alone.
I know. I’m just complaining to complain.
You? Complain? Never lol
You stick your tongue out at your phone even though he can’t see you.
Shut up lol
You haul your suitcase onto the bed and start unpacking. Most of the clothes you brought needed to be hung up and the last thing you wanted to do was spend time ironing in the morning.
Your phone chirps again from where you left it on the bed.
What are you doing on your first night in Minneapolis? Besides missing me.
I’m having dinner with the management team here. The manager called and invited me.
Have a good time and try to act normal, okay? Don’t snort if anyone makes you laugh.
The sound of your laughter carries over the television you have on for background noise. He was the only one who could make you laugh like that.
Thanks, jerk. Talk to you later.
The first few days flew by as quickly as you hoped they would. The team here seems to have their shit together and it’s been a fairly seamless transition in getting them onboard so far.
Daily conversations were a normal thing for you and Frankie, but the distance between you only makes you miss him that much more. Every time he says something flirty; you just want to reach through the phone and shake him.
The two of you have been skirting around the truth for months. It’s just as much your fault as his. You don’t want to ruin your friendship if things go wrong. Maybe you’re reading too much into all this. Maybe you’re the only one with feelings here.
8:12 pm
Are you at Will’s?
Just got here, but maybe I should have stayed home. I’m missing my good luck charm so if I lose big tonight, it’s your fault.
If you were home, you’d be at Will’s too. You’d be hanging out with the guys and their girlfriends, having a few drinks.
The last time the girls were allowed over for poker night, Benny had teased Frankie about calling you Clover. He dared you to sit on Frankie’s lap for the last hand to prove that you were good luck. You saw the bob of his Adam’s Apple, heard the slight stutter of his chuckle; but Frankie, the well trained solider that he is, kept his composure and won the hand.
He whispered in your ear that you had always been his good luck charm. That’s when you knew for certain something had changed, at least for you. This was more than just harmless flirting. When you tried to question him about it, he tried brushing you off, but you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.
Would it help if I wished you good luck?
It’s worth a shot
Good Luck!!
Thanks, Clover.
The hot tub was calling your name, a perfect way to relax after a long day. The bathing suit you packed was the one Frankie liked most…how ironic.
Soaking in the hot water was just what you needed. Your muscles relaxed under the heat and pressure of the jets. Thoughts of Frankie kept your mind from relaxing. The two of you were more than friends, that fact was clearer to you than ever. If only you could say it out loud.
Safely back in your hotel room, and freshly showered you check your phone. Frankie should be heading home from Will’s anytime. You should go to bed, but you can’t…at least not yet.
11:36 pm
Did you clean the boys out tonight?
Not exactly lol
Sorry. Maybe next week.
You’ll be home so my luck will change.
The three bubbles danced on Frankie’s screen. Did he say something wrong? His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he waited. There was so much he wanted to tell you, but he didn’t know how. It was so easy to flirt and joke with you but when it came to a serious conversation, any words he had didn’t feel like enough. He didn’t want to ruin your friendship. You’d been there for him in ways that no one else had. He couldn’t lose you.
I’ll be there next week. I think I’m going to turn in early. The time change is messing with me.
That was a slight exaggeration, but what else could you say? You couldn’t tell him that you were tired of pretending there wasn’t something between you, at least not over text.
Frankie’s free hand went under his hat to scratch his head. It wasn’t like you to cut a conversation short. Something was off with you; he could feel it. He wanted to call you out on it, but he was afraid of what you’d say.
I should get to bed too. I’ve got a big shot with a ’78 Camaro coming to the shop that needs some work done. Good night.
Good night
You drop onto your bed and close your eyes. Today made up for all the previous days with no issues. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong, and now you were exhausted. You thank the universe that you only have two more days to get through.
Tonight was going to be about wine, comfort food and cheesy movies. Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese was calling your name.
You shower and change into your sweats while you wait for your pizza. Frankie is all you can think of. He’s the one you want to talk to after a rough day.
Frankie had looked at his phone so many times today that Will had threatened to break it. He tried to assure himself that you were just busy, but it wasn’t like you not to at least send a quick text or two throughout the day.
After grabbing a quick bite to eat, Frankie couldn’t take it anymore. He picked up his phone and typed out a quick text. He had to know you were fine.
6:36 pm
Is my girl okay?
The ping of your phone made you jump. You’d been so busy that you hadn’t texted Frankie all day.
I’m okay. Today was a rough one.
Wanna talk about it?
Its just work bullshit. You know how it goes.
Frankie smirked. He could picture you now, sitting cross-legged on the bed with one hand rubbing the back of your neck. You always did that when you were tense.
Yeah, I get it. Pepperoni pizza and wine tonight?
You rolled your eyes and smiled. He knew you so well. You took a sip of wine.
Pizza is on its way
The two of you chatted more while you waited for the food. The wine was going down good…too good and it was making you feel brave.
What are you up to tonight?
I’m just hanging out at home.
You move the pizza box to the desk and stretch out on the bed. The movie in the background was all but forgotten.
Are you watching Bridesmaids right now? That movie always cracks you up.
Yeah, I’ve got it on.
Good. I wish I was there to cheer you up. I’d do anything to make you feel better.
Three bubbles dance on your screen.
I miss you
You clamp your eyes shut. You can’t do this anymore. You can’t pretend like the two of you are just friends.
Before you can stop yourself, your fingers are furiously typing a response.
Why do you always do that?
Do what?
This could blow up in your face, but you couldn’t take it back. You opened this door, and now you had to walk through it.
Drop these little hints. You only tell me the truth when you think I won’t hear it.
The silence stretches as you watch the bubbles dance on your screen then disappear and reappear again. It wasn’t something you should have said over text, but you couldn’t help yourself. It was way past time the two of you had this talk.
Frankie almost dropped his phone in his lap. He knew exactly what you meant. He thought he was doing a good job of keeping his feelings hidden. He didn’t want to risk your friendship. You were his best friend.
What is that supposed to mean?
All these little comments, the way you look at me like I’m the only one in the room. I’m tired of dancing around the truth.
Frankie swallowed hard. This was the last thing he expected you to say. How could he tell you how he felt?
What truth would that be?
The truth that we’re more than just friends. There is something more between us.
Again, those three little bubbles dance on your screen. Your heart hammers in your chest. Either he was going to tell you the truth or you lost a friend forever.
Can we talk about this when you get home? I promise we’ll have an honest conversation then.
Yeah, this isn’t something we should talk about over text anyway. We’ll talk when I get home.
You toss your phone onto the bed. You shouldn’t have said anything over text. Now both of you were going to freak out until then. Slamming your fist into the bed, you clamp your eyes closed. The feeling that you just ruined everything sits on your chest like an elephant.
You didn’t text Frankie again, what else could you say now? Acting like everything was okay wasn’t possible. Staring out at the city lights, all you could do was let the silence sit between you and hope that it would all work out the way it was meant to.
You toss your bag in your bedroom and start going through your mail. Thankfully, it was mostly junk and nothing urgent that you needed to worry about.
Frankie stood outside your door. Everything was about to change, and his heart hammered in his chest. He raised a trembling hand and knocked. He’d promised you a serious conversation when you got home, and he was keeping that promise.
“Frankie, what are you doing here?”
“I, um, promised you we’d talk… so here I am.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. His heart pounded in his ears as he stepped through the door.
This was it. It was now or never. Every stolen glance, every touch that lasted too long to just be friendly had led to this. He grabbed you and pressed his lips to yours without another word. He kissed you like he needed your lips to breathe, pouring everything he couldn’t put into words into that one action.
The need for air was the only thing that broke you apart. You stood foreheads pressed together, panting and inhaling each other.
“What was that?”
“The truth.” he answered.
You blink several times. That kiss had stolen everything you wanted to say.
Frankie looks at you. The sweat collects at his brow. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? Maybe he shouldn’t have come on so strong. Maybe it was too much, too soon.
“Say something…please.” He whispers.
His soft, brown eyes plead with you to not leave him hanging. The silence between you is deafening as you try to find your words.
“When the pressure’s on, you really jump in with both feet, huh?”
The corners of his eyes wrinkle as he smiles. You love that smile, live for that smile. There is something almost boyish about his grin and it always leaves you weak in the knees.
“Was it too much?” he stammers. “It was too much.”
The light in his mocha brown eyes begins to fade. He should have taken it slower, maybe asked you out on a date before he crammed his tongue in your mouth. He could never think straight around you.
Your brow furrows as you watch him, seeing the look of defeat mar his features.
“It was perfect.” You whisper.
He cocks a brow at you as the sparkle returns to his eyes.
“Really?”
You nod your head. He was always perfect in your eyes, even when he was being an idiot.
“Yes, really. I think I should put pressure on you more often if it will make you kiss me like that.” you tease.
A rush of air caresses your face as he exhales. His throaty chuckle reaches your ears, and he pulls you closer.
“I don’t think my heart could handle that, querida.”
You lean in and brush your lips against his. This kiss isn’t headed and passionate, it’s slow and honest. It’s a kiss to make up for all the time the two of you spent denying what was in front of you the whole time.
The need for air is the only thing that makes you break apart. You stand together, foreheads touching under the bill of his hat, your breath mixing together.
Frankie swallows hard. He’s never been more scared in his life. Any mission, any tour overseas was a cakewalk compared to this moment. He had to do this right. He had to make this work. He couldn’t lose you.
“I want to take you out on a date.” He panted softly. “A real date with flowers, opening doors for you…the whole thing.”
Your soft laugh flitters through the air. You shouldn’t have expected anything less from him. When Frankie finally made a decision, he was all in.
“You want to take me on a date? Seriously?”
The corner of his mouth raised into a half smile.
“Yeah. I want to take you out. I want to do this right; treat you like you deserve. I want to make up for lost time.”
You can’t stop smiling. Why did you wait so long to confront your feelings? You wasted so much time.
“I’d love to go on a date with you.”
This time you get Frankie’s genuine smile, the one where his eyes practically disappear and the lines around his eyes are so pronounced.
“Good.”
He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. You are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and he will always kick himself for waiting so long to tell you how he felt.
“I know you just got home and haven’t even had a chance to unpack, but how about tonight? I’ll pick you up and we can have dinner.”
You blink a few times and smile. This is really happening; the two of you are finally going to give each other the chance you were always too scared to take.
“Tonight works for me.”
The corner of his mouth lifts in a crooked grin. A small part of him was worried you’d say no; that all those things you said to him while you were gone were just a moment of weakness. His heart pounds in his chest as he looks at you.
“Yeah?”
His voice is barely audible as he pulls you even closer. His scent invades your nostrils: fresh and woodsy with a faint hint of motor oil. It’s a smell that’s uniquely him and one you will always associate with comfort and protection.
“Will you wear that purple sundress?” he whispers as he brushes his nose against yours. “The one you wore to that barbecue at Will’s this summer.”
You raise your brow. Your chest grows warm as you stand together, locked in each other’s arms.
“You remember that dress?”
Frankie chuckles softly. He remembers a lot of things about you; your favorite color, the way your tongue sticks out a little bit when you're concentrating really hard…he’s memorized so many details.
“Hell yeah. You looked so pretty in that damn dress; I almost dropped my beer when you walked in.”
You opened your mouth to speak but the opening notes to “Enter Sandman” blare from his back pocket.
“Shit.”
He grins sheepishly and relaxes his grip on you before putting the phone to his ear. Now that he’s got you in his arms, he’s not letting go.
“You have impeccable timing, Benjamin. What’s up?”
You rest your head on Frankie’s shoulder. The vibrations of his chest as he talks to Ben tickle your cheek. Being in his arms feels even better than you ever could have imagined. Frankie had always been home to you, but now home took on a brand new meaning.
“That sucks, man.” Frankie sighs. “Have the tow truck take it to the shop. I’ll meet you there and we’ll get it fixed.”
You lift your head as Frankie disconnects the call. Your nose wrinkles as he sighs.
“Sorry, querida. I gotta go. Benny busted a tie rod on his truck, and he needs some help getting it fixed.”
Leave it Benny to get himself in a jam. At least he’s not hurt or in jail.
You smile and raise up on tiptoes to give Frankie a quick peck on the lips. He would do anything to help a friend, and that’s one of the things you love so much about him.
“Go help Benny. He needs you more than I do right now.”
Frankie squeezes you and kisses your forehead. If he kisses your lips again, he’d be too tempted to leave Benny hanging. This will have to be enough for now.
“I’ll text you later.”
“You better.” you tease.
He finally pulls away and you miss his arms around you already.
“Frankie.”
You call out to him as he reaches the front door. He turns back to look at you with his hand still on the knob.
“Make sure you wear your cowboy boots and that ball cap tonight.”
He chuckles and shakes his head.
“Yes, ma’am.”
#more than friends#frankie morales x f!reader#frankie morales fluff#triple frontier#fluff#best friends to lovers#idiots in love#texting#jolapenosdearuary
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DARK SIDE OF THE MOON ♡
pairing: redk!clark kent x fem!reader x soulless!sam winchester
summary: your boyfriend sam has been acting strange lately. good thing your other boyfriend clark is willing to help you figure out what's going on with him. unfortunately for you, he doesn't get very far before he starts acting weird too.
cw: nsfw (18+), au, smut, mild dubcon, threesome, p in v, oral (f & m receiving), fingering, facefucking, overstimulation, praise/degradation, hints of asphyxiation kink
a/n: comm for my wife @fearcvlt. thank you to the anon who infected us with the sam-clark disease 🙏 also i know sam doesn't lose his soul till season 6 but it's my fic so this is early seasons sam. don't like it kiss me about it.
Sam has been acting weird lately.
You’re not sure what it is. You can’t pinpoint an exact detail about him that’s shifted. From the surface, he looks the same. He still dresses the same. His voice sounds the same. His hands and mouth feel the same. It drives you crazy, not being able to narrow down what you mean. What you know has changed.
Because while the alterations are imperceptible, you know they’re real. All of that stuff hasn’t changed on a technical level, but to you, his girlfriend, someone who knows his very being like the palm of your own hand, it’s not the same.
Physically, he’s your Sam. The one you’ve been with since your second semester of college. His dark brown hair hangs too close to his eyes like always. The warmth in his hands radiates with regularity as they coast across your and Clark’s bodies. His words reach your ears in the soft, calculated manner you’ve come to expect from him.
But you swear on everything you have in this world, on both your lovers’ lives, that all of this comes with a new note of unfamiliarity.
While his appearance hasn’t changed, the way his eyes land upon your face has. His gaze feels cold. It nearly stings when it connects with your own. You may recognize his touch, but he’s rougher now. He doesn’t handle you like a cherished doll, nor does he explore Clark with his usual reverence. Instead he tugs and he grabs. His fingers dig into flesh harder than ever before. Scratches and bruises litter the two of you after a night spent together. And while his voice rings out just like it did when you met him in your first criminal justice class all those years ago, the tender embellishments in his sentences have vanished. Vacant silences lie where sweetheart and honey used to appear.
You sound like a lunatic describing it.
“Can’t you just talk to him?” you plead with Clark for the third time this week. You attempt persuasion by flaunting your puppy eyes at him, but he just shakes his head.
He stands before the full length mirror in the corner of your bedroom while pulling on his shirt. The hazy morning light shines through the nearby window onto his physique, highlighting the contours of muscle decorating his abdomen before they’re covered up by the scarlet sweater he chooses to wear today.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, baby,” he responds, gazing at you through the reflection.
You boost yourself off your mattress where you’d been sprawled out. Approaching him from behind, you snake your arms around his waist and press your cheek to his firm back. He doesn’t have to face you to know the pout that’s taken residence on your lips.
“Well, I can’t think of everything,” you huff, “Just maybe see if something’s wrong. Like maybe we did something and we don’t know-”
“You’re overthinking,” he cuts in while fastening his belt into place.
“You don’t know that because you’ve never actually asked. Maybe he feels like he can’t tell us what’s bothering him for some reason. Or it could be like a guy thing. He blows me off whenever I try to help, so maybe he’ll be more comfortable with just you,” you insist.
He sighs and shakes his head again, reaching for the brush nearby. Clark’s hair rarely ever falls out of place. The only moments you can recall seeing him disheveled are those when he lays in bed with you and Sam, nude body coated in a light sweat and pressed against each of yours. Yet he tends to his black tresses more often than you take care of your own hair.
“It’s not a guy thing,” he chuckles, “He just doesn’t wanna talk about whatever’s going on in his head. You know how he gets sometimes. I’m sure he’ll bounce back soon.”
“But it’s been like over a month. Ever since he went on that trip with his brother, he’s been weird,” you continue, squeezing him as if that would somehow convince him of your point.
“You know his childhood is a sore spot. Maybe being around him brought up some bad memories,” he offers and shrugs.
“But he would have told us about that,” you refute.
You release Clark from your hold as he turns around, his outfit all ready for the day. As you look up at him, your eyes remain full of concern for the absent part of your trio. Your present boyfriend smirks at the worried expression before cupping your cheeks and planting a soft kiss on your lips.
“It’s gonna be ok, babe. He’ll be ok,” he murmurs.
You nod. “Just if you get the chance… please talk to him,” you try once more.
“I will,” he agrees. His hands fall to your waist where they knead the flesh lightly.“Try not to worry too much today, alright? We got that party tonight. You’re gonna look all pretty, we’re gonna have fun, and everything’s gonna be fine.”
He kisses you once more before walking towards the bedroom door. You nod in response to his words and force your shoulders to relax. The mention of his work party you were all going to attend later helps a little to distract you. At the very least it gives you something else to think about for the time being.
Before he heads out, you blow him a kiss like you always do. He pretends to catch it, flashing those fangs of his in a lazy grin.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he says before finally leaving your view.
Despite your assurance to Clark, you spend much of the day thinking about Sam and possible causes for his perpetually sour mood. Unfortunately, you can’t think of anything that seems like a realistic possibility.
While your anxiety wants you to blame yourself, you really don’t believe something you did is responsible. And he had gone on that trip with his brother a month ago, but they’d been going on their ‘hunting trips’ pretty regularly for the last two years. He never got like this afterwards. Even when his brother annoyed him, he’d just vent about it to the two of you before letting it go.
You try to reason that law school might be getting more stressful. All of his free time not allocated to you and Clark, or to his brother in the Impala, goes to textbooks. He spends hours poring over notes and articles and journals. Maybe that’s it. You try to convince yourself it could be. At least until he and Clark come home for the night with hopefully a more concrete answer.
As the day shifts into evening, you busy yourself with getting ready for the party tonight. It wasn’t anything too fancy. Just some gathering the paper Clark now worked at was throwing. As a new hire, he was one of the employees being celebrated, warranting your and Sam’s invitations.
It’s around six-thirty when you finally hear the front door open. Two pairs of shoes shuffle in. Good. That means Clark met him on campus or Sam drove over to Clark's job after his last class. There would be plenty of time to talk over the course of the distance between your shared house and either of those locations.
You put your earrings back down on the dresser and approach the door, straining your ears in hopes of scoping out any tense silences or relieved chatter. In the kitchen, you can hear the fridge open and then close. A sigh. You narrow your eyes. Was it a sigh of tiredness from work or frustration at the other man? The words that follow answer your question.
“She’s just worried about you,” Clark says. You bite your lip, sensing this may not be going well.
“Yeah, I know. She doesn’t do a great job of disguising that,” Sam responds.
“Then just talk to her. It’s only still a problem because you’re being cagey.”
“I’m being cagey because there’s nothing to talk about. She’s looking for something that isn’t there, insisting-”
You step through the doorway and head towards the sound of their voices. Barefoot and with the zipper on your dress only halfway pulled, you enter the room to join them. Sam finishes his sentence as both his and Clark’s eyes set on you.
“Hi,” you interrupt weakly.
The taller of the two rolls his eyes while your other boyfriend raises his brows in acknowledgement before taking another sip of his drink.
“I just… heard you both talking and thought I should come in here…” you continue. It’s only been a few seconds, but already, it’s starting to feel like you should have waited for them to come to you.
You walk a couple more paces into the space, finding yourself standing equidistant from both your lovers. Your gaze alternates between them before focusing on Sam.
“I know I’m probably worrying over nothing. And I know you said nothing is wrong,” you say, keeping your tone as neutral as you can, “You just seem different. And maybe nothing is actively wrong, but I just want you to know if something happened or like if you’re thinking about something differently that me and Clark-”
“You’ll what? What will you both do?” he asks, “I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to make up some problem that doesn’t exist so you can feel accomplished when you fix it?”
“No,” you answer right away, hurt infecting your features.
“Then what?”
“I don’t know…” you say. Your resolve wilts away with each second his harsh eyes stare at you.
“Just stop then. Stop asking me to give you a reason, stop talking about me behind my back, just stop,” he rants, “Did you ever consider you might be projecting? That maybe something is different with you that you don’t want to accept.”
“What?” you ask. Your pained expression infuses with a bout of confusion.
“Think about it. Me and Clark, we know what we’re doing everyday. I’m going to school, he’s going to work. We have our plans in place. You? What are you doing? Ever since you graduated last year, you’ve been floundering, bouncing from idea to idea. Maybe you’re the one who’s fallen off the tracks, but you can’t admit it,” he accuses.
Your eyes widen. That statement cuts you deep, through multiple layers. It is the truth in a sense, but to have it thrown in your face by someone who supposedly cares about you hurts worse than you would have anticipated.
“That’s not true,” you deny.
“Yes it is, and you know it. You wanna blame me for how you’re feeling. You’re losing control of your own life so you want to find something you can fix,” he continues.
“Sam, stop,” Clark interjects on your behalf.
You just stand there, feeling even more lost than you had earlier. He was acting different. You were sure of it. But now you also feel like he maybe has a point. What if he is acting the exact same, and you’re the one losing your grip? Clark hasn’t been as concerned as you, and maybe that’s for a reason.
“What?” Sam says, his eyes flitting towards your other boyfriend, “She’s allowed to talk about me, but I can’t defend myself?”
“You’re not defending yourself, you’re attacking her,” Clark responds before sighing. He puts his drink down and walks closer to the both of you. “Both of you just need to take a second and calm down.”
In the pause that follows, the pain Sam’s words caused doesn’t subside. The throb only emanates from deeper inside your chest. You glance up at your darker-haired boyfriend before turning to the one you could barely recognize.
“I’m not trying to make you defend yourself. I really just feel like something’s been up with you lately. But if you say there isn’t, then there isn’t, and I won’t mention it again,” you finally say.
“There isn’t,” he tells you without more than a second of consideration.
Awkward quiet settles for more than a pause now. You’re not sure if you can just act normal after that, but you don’t want to create more tension by hightailing it to the bedroom. Both of them seem to go with the former. Clark meanders his way back to the counter while Sam turns and digs through his bag for something.
You decide it might be best to follow along. Swiveling on your heel, you walk away from the kitchen and down the hall towards your shared bedroom to finish getting ready. The silence no longer feels calm; it weighs down on you, pressing hard enough to crack.
As you dust powder across your cheek bones and eyelids, you force your breaths to remain even. You swallow hard to prevent your eyes from watering. The mascara wand coats your lashes with black that will stream down your skin if you shed any tears. For a final touch, you spread some sticky gloss over your lips, watching in the mirror how they shine with the glittery substance.
When your face is painted to your liking, you pull on a pair of tights under the crimson fabric of your dress and then sit on the edge of your bed to slip on your shoes. While fumbling with the one on your left foot, you hear another person enter the room.
Your pupils dart towards the door to find Clark there with a sheepish smile.
“Hey,” he starts gently, “You almost ready?”
You just nod, not really in a chatty mood.
He returns the gesture and comes closer, approaching as if you’re a wounded animal.
“You look really beautiful, baby,” he compliments.
“Thanks.”
“Here. Let me help,” he offers and crouches before you.
He takes your leg between his large hands, rubbing up and down over the smoothness of your tights for a moment. His fingers then fall to the sleek strap causing you hassle. He pushes the little piece of material through the metal clasp. Despite the size of his digits, they move with nimble precision.
“He didn’t mean that stuff he said,” he tells you, voice quiet enough that it wouldn’t leave the bedroom.
“Then why didn’t he come in here?” you ask. Your voice quivers a little bit. You know Clark hears it from the way his big, blue eyes lift to connect with your own.
“He’s just being pissy right now. But I know he didn’t mean it, alright? Neither of us think you’re off track, but even if you were, it’s not the end of the world. You still have time to figure things out. We love you either way,” he says, patting your leg.
Almost as an extra gesture of reassurance, he plants a soft kiss on your kneecap. It’s intended to be innocent. Something wholesome to let you feel the pure love he’s trying to pour into you with his words. But you can’t help but feel a flicker of desire in your belly. The sight of it only serves to remind you of how he does that when he’s spreading your legs apart and kissing up your inner thighs to somewhere much more intimate.
“He’ll come around. For the record, he is acting different. It’s not just you,” he reassures, reaching up to take your chin between his thumb and forefinger.
The look in your eyes has softened from one of hurt to something more tender. You nod in response, and he smiles.
“That’s my girl. Don’t look so sad anymore. I wanna show off how beautiful you are tonight. Can’t do that if you don’t let anyone see that pretty smile,” he praises.
Your face lifts with the expression he describes. It only increases the curve of his own lips. He rewards you with a small peck. When he pulls away, you can see a splotch of lip gloss on his cupid’s bow. It’s tempting to try and wipe it away with another kiss, but instead you take the more effective route and swipe your thumb across the skin.
“Ready?” he asks and reaches for your hand as he rises to his feet again.
You clasp your smaller fingers around his and stand up. “Almost. Zip me up?” you say and turn to show him the semi-closed fabric.
He chuckles fingers finding the zipper and adjusting it for you with ease. “Always.”
You stand with your back pressed against the wall, drink in hand, eyes surveilling the room. It’s only around nine o’clock, but you’re more than ready to go home. You keep a smile on your face for Clark’s sake, not wanting to look miserable around the people he has to see on a daily basis.
The party isn’t even horrible. It’s just fine. The ritzy hotel dining room they rented out is fine. The music playing at a reasonable volume in the background is fine. The food is fine. The drinks are fine. The smalltalk is fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. It’s all fine.
Including you. You’re fine too. Not at all upset about earlier. The car ride here had been dead silent. No apology from Sam. Not even a word of acknowledgement. But that’s ok! You could deal with it.
Once the three of you had arrived and made your way inside, you introduced yourselves like you always did, clear enough to convey that you were all a package deal but vague enough to not draw the ire of less open-minded people. From there, you let Clark tell some stories about the both of you. You made sure to laugh at all his jokes, smile at him with the most adoring eyes, and sing his praises to any person who wanted to hear them.
After a while of that, he turned you both loose. You first grabbed some appetizers and a drink and then landed where you are now. Sam had trailed close behind you even though he still wasn’t saying anything.
He’s beside you against the wall. His shoulder leans against it, his body angled towards yours. You can feel his eyes drifting along your figure, but you don’t give in to the temptation of a response.
“You gonna freeze me out all night?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Do you plan on apologizing at all?” you ask, passive aggression lacing in every word.
He exhales a laugh and reaches for your face. His fingers guide your head, forcing you to look at him.
“Is that what you need, baby?” he mocks, “You need me to say sorry?”
You scowl and try to look away, but his digits dig into your skin. He keeps you right where he wants you. Leaning in close to you, his breath fans across your neck.
“Would it really make you feel better if I said I didn’t mean it? Would it really change anything about how you feel? I don’t think so,” he murmurs, “I think you’d like it more if I kissed it better.”
The low tone of voice combined with his proximity fires up that warmth in your tummy you felt earlier. You try to suppress it and maintain your glare.
“What are you doing?” you ask with annoyance, craning your neck for some space.
“What? I thought you’d wanna make up,” he says.
“I- It’s not that. We’re at a party for Clark’s work. It’s not like we’re high schoolers who can just go find some closet to make out,” you huff, “Plus, you definitely are acting different now. You’re always the explainer, and Clark is always the one who wants to kiss things better.”
That brings a small smirk to his face. “We can’t? Or we shouldn’t?” he teases. He moves in again, the tip of his nose brushing your cheek. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I have been a little different lately. But why is that a bad thing? I feel great.”
“Yeah, but it’s not great when you’re being mean all the time now…”
“Mean? Or direct?” he asks, “I’ve never said anything to hurt you. Even when you think I’m being mean, I’m only speaking without sugar coating because I know you can take it. And I know that sometimes you need to hear it. You’re strong. Just as smart as me and Clark. You just need a little push sometimes.”
Your heart beats quicker in your chest. His words are one thing, but the way his rich eyes peer into yours are another. His thumb drags back and forth across your bottom lip now, almost as if coaxing some form of a response.
“It’s still mean even if you don’t intend it that way. It still hurts,” you say. Even if your face can’t move, your eyes fall. “I miss the you who wasn’t so sharp all the time.”
You soften your words, hoping to break the tough exterior that had shielded him for the last month. Though you see no change in his expression. No shift in his gaze.
“You’ll have to learn to love this one just as much then,” he replies.
It stings. The words slice like a blade. He doesn’t care about the falter on your face though. He ducks in, kissing along your jaw to your earlobe. A small gasp leaves you at the soft, wet touches. You squirm in place, nearly spilling your drink as the liquid sloshes within the confines of the glass.
“I can show you how. Just gotta let me,” he whispers. His hand falls from your face to your neck, wrapping it in a seductive embrace.
Your eyes flutter, and for a split second, you want to give in. His lips on your skin feel like traces of heaven. The soft words he speaks hit your ears like gentle caresses lulling you into compliance. But then you remember where you are and who you're here for.
“Sam, stop,” you whimper.
But he doesn’t pull back. He doesn’t just stay in place either. His hand tightens around your throat. It digs in a little, pressing you against the wall. You can still breathe just fine, but the threat of air loss is right there, teasing you just barely.
Your eyes widen now. Sam had never been so aggressive in the bedroom before, let alone in public.
“We’re here for Clark. You’re gonna embarrass him,” you remind.
“He’s a big boy. He can handle it,” he breathes.
Before you can squeak out any more words of protest, a large hand is curling over Sam’s shoulder and tugging him back. Clark looks at him with a raised brow before his focus shifts to you.
“I guess you two made up?” he asks.
You open your mouth to clarify with some version of what actually happened, but Sam cuts you off. “Something like that.”
He takes you by the wrist, spinning so that he’s against the wall while you’re in front of him with your back against his chest. His chin rests atop your head as his hands rub your arms. Clark looks on, almost suspicious at the complete flip in attitudes.
“So how much longer do we have to be here? They’ve already played ‘Mr. Brightside’ like three times. This thing’s gotta be winding down soon, and I’m pretty eager to get back so we can make up some more,” Sam says.
“Not too much longer,” Clark says, the words slow and edged with uncertainty, “I’ll start saying goodbyes.”
You nod gratefully, your appreciation shining through even without words. Sam smirk prevails on his face yet again.
“Sounds good. Just don’t take too long or we might have to get a head start without you,” he says. His tone indicates he’s teasing, but with how he’s acting, you wouldn’t put it past him to try something like that.
“I won’t. Just give me a few,” Clark responds simply before drifting back into the crowd to say bye to the important people.
He keeps his word and only takes a few minutes. If he had taken any longer, you aren’t confident you would have noticed. You feel like you have whiplash from the way Sam has latched himself onto your body. Earlier he spoke like he couldn’t stand you, but now he clings to you like he’d be willing to bend you over one of the nearby folding tables and bring some real excitement to this party.
You try brushing him off, redirecting his hands to places that wouldn’t earn you side eyes from your boyfriend’s colleagues. He’s not interested though. Every few seconds it feels like he’s nuzzling into your neck or smoothing his hands over your sides.
“Sam, quit it,” you whisper.
“Why? I don’t need Clark’s hearing to know how fast your heart is going. I know you like it,” he purrs.
The best you can hope for is guiding him to the exit and letting Clark meet you there. When the man in question finally does make his way in your direction, you can see a bit of frustration on his face. Annoyance gleams from his eyes as they sweep over how Sam holds you like a territorial dog with a chew toy.
You want to apologize. You hate when Clark isn’t happy with you, and you really don’t want to end the day having fought with both of them. But before you could get any words of remorse out, Sam’s already leading you through the front door. He keeps a tight grip on your wrist, now allowing you even an inch to pull away.
Clark follows along. His hand lands on the small of your back. The faint touch grounds you a little, but before it can have any real effect, Sam’s yanking you closer, nearly causing you to stumble over the steps that lead you three into the parking lot.
The confusion that permeates your mind has now spread to Clark’s face and replaces his prior irritation.
“What’s gotten into you?” he asks, trailing behind in broad strides.
“What do you mean?” Sam laughs. He turns around, holding you close again once in range of the car. “You got the keys?”
Even though he does in fact have them, Clark makes no move to fetch the small metal keys from his pocket.
“No, seriously. What’s going on with you? One minute you’re ready to bite her head off for worrying about you, and now you wanna jump her bones in the middle of a parking garage?” he says, not letting up.
“I can’t win with you two. She doesn’t like it when I’m being serious, you don’t like it when I’m not. What’s a guy supposed to do, huh?” he says.
“It’s not like that, and you know it,” Clark challenges, “You have been acting weird lately. I let you deny it because I know what it’s like having to keep something to yourself. But pretending like it isn’t happening does nothing, especially when it’s affecting us.”
You stand there with Sam’s arm over your shoulders, looking back and forth between them. It’s not even an argument yet, but with a few wrong words, it would have no issue transforming into one.
“Please. You didn’t care how it affected me and her when you kept your secrets for years. So spare me a lecture,” Sam dismisses, “I don’t have some great secret. People just change over time.”
“Not so rapidly!” Clark fires back, “You went away for one weekend, and a different person came back.”
“I’m still me,” he says, “If you have such a problem with the person you think I’m becoming then maybe I’m not the only one we should be evaluating. Maybe something’s changing between all of us.”
You look at Clark with pure worry now. He hasn’t outright said it, but these words border on the worst potential outcome. Reaching for his hand that dangles off your shoulder, you give it a squeeze and gaze up at him.
His attention shifts to you. He smiles at the nervousness written all over your features.
“Don’t look so scared, baby. We’re not gonna break up. Unless that’s what you two think would be best,” he says. It’s almost a threat. He puts the power in your hands, but it’s not by choice. He’s not offering it to you. He’s forcing it between your palms and pushing your fingers to close around it.
“No,” you respond instantly.
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Clark backs down, his voice dropping a bit.
“Then what did you mean?” Sam asks.
“I just want to know why. Why are you acting like this now? You used to be the reserved one. The one who was always careful about everything. You kept me and her on track. Now, you’re in there acting like a high schooler and making me look like an idiot, being all over her like that.”
“All over her?” he repeats with a chuckle. His arm slithers off your shoulders, leaving your skin exposed to the chilled night air. He takes a few steps towards your other boyfriend. “You jealous, Clark? Because as soon as we got home, you know I’d be all over you too.”
He scoffs and looks away. Truly, you doubt jealousy had been the root of Clark’s discomfort. You would’ve been irritated too if they started getting handsy in front of people you wanted to make a good impression on. But it was hard to not get flustered when confronted so directly. When Sam stalked forward like that.
The brunette slides to Clark’s side and maneuvers himself behind him. His hands flatten against his muscular biceps, rubbing the skin softly through his suit jacket. You watch as his lips brush the shell of Clark’s ear in the same way they had to yours.
“C’mon. You know I don’t play favorites,” he coos.
Your darker-haired lover has his eyes fixated on the car beside you three. You knew the feelings coursing through him right now. The same ones that swirled within you fifteen minutes ago.
Sam’s long fingers move South on Clark’s arms. The tips coast over his elbows and along his forearms before getting to his wrists. You know the exact sensation. Like little lines of fire being drawn across your limbs. Similar to you, Clark goes to resist. He just has the actual strength to carry it out.
He pushes Sam’s hands off and looks over his shoulder. “We’re gonna talk about it. You can’t keep avoiding it and expecting us to just go along with this forever,” he says.
Sam smirks at the assertion. He lets Clark move him away. You notice one of his hands slip into his pocket, but before the act can even register, it’s back out and reaching for your other boyfriend’s wrist again.
“We will talk about it. But not tonight,” he says.
The beginning of a disagreement begins to leave Clark’s lips. But the hand that had reached for his cuts his statement short when it flexes and spreads a thin band over his wrist. Clark looks down at it while you observe with confusion. But then you see a sparkle of red.
Your pupils dart back to Clark’s face. You watch as his eyes flicker with that same ruby color. His shoulders rise, and his chest puffs out with innate pride. He doesn’t have that sweet, lopsided grin; now his lips look sinister and menacing as they curl. You don’t even have to ask what it is. You recognize that look. You know the effects of red kryptonite.
“You’re such an asshole!” you explode at Sam. You step towards him, practically shoving Clark behind you. “Why would you do that?! You know he hates that stuff!”
Your arm swings forward, smacking at his chest. He just laughs and dodges your weak blows. “Calm down. He’ll be fine. I just wanted to help him unwind for the night,” he says.
You go for another strike, aiming for his bicep this time instead. Before your limb can connect, two strong arms have looped around your waist and tugged you back against a firm body.
“He’s right,” Clark chimes in. His chin hooks over your shoulder as he nuzzles into your neck, planting kisses there that make you squirm. “I was letting you get me all wound up. Just needed to take the edge off.”
Without responding, your hands fly to his wrist, desperate to get the bracelet off for him. You’d only seen Clark under the influence of this stuff once before. You really weren’t eager to relive the experience.
But he’s quicker than you. He slides his arm away and spins you around to face him in the process. No longer does your boyfriend have his usual look that likens him to a carefree puppy. Now you stare into the eyes of a wolf.
“Clark-” you start and grab for his wrist again.
He laughs and lifts his arm in the air, dangling his hand a foot over his own head. Much too high for you to reach. Still, you jump and try to pull it down by his elbow.
“That’s not my name you know,” he teases.
You stop jumping and glare at him. “I’m not calling you Kal,” you say flatly, “Give me that. You’re not yourself when that stuff is on you.”
“I’m more myself like this than I am any other time,” he disagrees.
Sam comes up behind you and places his hands on your hips. “Come on. Don’t spoil the fun before it’s really started, babe,” he taunts.
“Get off,” you shoo and shoot him a harsh look as well.
None of your efforts have the intended effect though. Nothing you do intimidates either of your boyfriends whose frames dwarf your own against the side of the car.
“So angry,” Sam mocks. He ducks in and kisses your cheek while Clark grabs your chin and makes you look at him again.
“We just gotta find something that calms you down. You need to let loose sometimes. You’re always so worked up and high strung,” Clark says. He strokes your jaw as Sam brings his mouth down to your throat. He starts laying kisses there, the affection more intense than it had been inside the hotel.
His soft lips glide across your sensitive skin. He licks your pulse, scrapes his teeth over the thumping artery. Your breath hitches. They both can hear it. You know that from how Clark’s smile grows that much more smug.
“You know it feels good,” he coos. He leans in, teasing you with the idea of a kiss. His mouth hovers not even an inch from your own. The warmth of his breath puffs against your skin. With the slightest move the two of you would be touching.
“I can feel how bad you want it,” he murmurs, “So why not give in?”
“It’s not like you could get away anyways,” Sam whispers.
And you know it’s true. You can’t do anything they don’t want, especially not something Clark doesn’t want. They’re bigger and stronger. With Clark’s heightened senses, there’s no hope of hiding either. You know the smart decision here is to give in. To give in and then wait for an opportunity to get that bracelet off him.
However, you can’t even say this is a choice based solely in logic or survival instinct. You want Clark’s lips on yours. You crave more touches from them both. While your rational mind hates these versions of the two of them, your body doesn’t care. Your skin breaks out into chills while your heart rate speeds up all the same.
“You’re gonna regret all of this later,” you whisper to Clark, letting your eyes fall to his plush lips.
“Maybe. But I’m not worried about that. I’m living right now,” he responds.
He closes the gap between the two of you. A soft moan creeps up your throat, escaping against his mouth. You feel him smirk. The sound encourages him to deepen the kiss.
Sam presses closer behind you. He pulls your ass flush against his pelvis and kisses your neck some more. It’s like a flurry all around you. If any of Clark’s coworkers were leaving the party now, this sight would only add to the embarrassment Sam and you caused earlier.
None of you are thinking about that though. You’re completely wrapped up with each other. Your hands have found their way into the dark locks on either side of you. The left one grips Clark’s while your right extends back and tugs on Sam. Heavy breaths blow against your face from multiple angles. Large palms grope at the different curves of your body.
Clark reaches down into his pocket. His fingers fish around for a few moments before pulling out the small set of keys Sam asked about earlier. He pulls off your lips and tugs you to his chest away from Sam.
“You drive,” he says simply, sliding the metallic object into the other man’s hand.
Sam huffs out a laugh. “Seems like you’re more eager than me now.”
He doesn’t resist or argue though. Instead, he taps the unlock button and slides around the back of the car to head to the driver’s side. At the same time, Clark opens the door to the backseat and ushers you in with a pat to your ass.
“You had a taste of her in there. Now it’s my turn,” he grins.
The drive home was a quick one.
It felt like a right turn, a left turn, and then the car slowing as Sam parked it in the driveway. Clark had made good on his words. He took his turn with you. The entire time his hand was up your skirt, his fingers beneath the thin cotton of your panties, drawing little whiny moans from you.
When the vehicle finally came to a full stop, Sam cleared his throat to alert you and Clark. They spoke back and forth a bit, but their specific words eluded you. Before your mind could come down from the high Clark was working you into, they were hauling you inside.
Clothes came off along the way to the bedroom. Clark’s jacket pooled on the floor in the entryway. Your red dress decorated the bannister. Sam’s belt hung around the bedroom door knob.
Now they have you spread before them on the bed. Your panties have abandoned you like the rest of your outfit. You lie bare for their eyes. At the foot of the mattress, they finish undressing themselves. Sam’s in the lead, his fist already stroking his cock while he stares down at you. Beside him, Clark finishes shimmying off his trousers.
“Think it’s my turn again,” Sam says before getting on the bed with you. He takes hold of one of your ankles, pulling the limb aside to spread your legs.
“We can share now. I’m not feeling too patient,” Clark adds. He follows right along with the other man’s movements.
Grabbing your other leg, he pushes it farther away from the other as he crawls towards you. They both descend upon you in sync. With their broad frames, it’s a tight fit, but they manage to both position themselves at the junction of your thighs.
Clark looks to Sam with a big smile across his face. “More fun when we do it together anyways.”
Sam hums in acknowledgement. He stares into those round, blue eyes for a moment more before rotating them to focus on your glistening center. You’re thoroughly slick from Clark’s fingers in the car and all the attention they lavished on you in the parking garage. Two of his digits spread you open. They both gaze at your drippy entrance, your poor swollen clit.
“You don’t even need a warm up tonight, sweetheart. You’re soaked from a few touches,” Sam mocks.
“It was more than a few,” you whimper in defense of yourself.
“Either way… be grateful we’re so nice, willing to give you all this extra attention,” he continues.
“Yeah, especially when you were being so bratty earlier. Talking back, carrying on,” Clark adds.
You whine softly and squirm your hips in an attempt to speed along the teasing. Even with your pouty denial, you know how bad you want them. These words only add to that needy sensation in your belly.
“So desperate,” Sam croons in a low voice.
Luckily for you, Clark doesn’t say anything back. He must have been honest about feeling impatient because instead he just leans in and connects his mouth with your cunt. A sigh bursts from your lips and you tilt your head back against the pillows.
He boosts your thigh over his shoulder and holds it like some sort of handle. His lips kiss your clit a few times, mashing the little bud with their delicate, smooth surface. He then sticks his tongue out and drags it through your arousal. The tip of it sweeps up over your velvety folds and swirls around your button.
Your back arches off the bed. Sam grabs your thigh closest to him and takes it on his shoulder as Clark had done. He turns his head, trailing some kisses over your inner thigh. They start innocent enough, chaste pecks at the most. But as they get closer to your center where Clark is, they grow sloppier. You feel his tongue gliding around in figure eights before his lips engulf the saliva-traced flesh.
When he finally reaches your pussy, you whine loudly. Your eyes flutter, and your heels dig into their backs. They keep you pinned in place, not allowing you to squirm too much or to buck your hips in excitement.
“Good girl,” Clark breathes in a husky tone before sucking on your pulsing clit.
A sharp squeal comes from you. Your toes and fingers curl at the sensation. In the meantime below, Sam prods at your leaky hole with his tongue. At first, he uses broad strokes. He flattens the muscle against your desire-soaked entrance, lapping without shame or hesitance. You moan appreciatively, nice and shameless just how you know they like.
More juices seep out of you as they work you up. That combined with their spit has you thoroughly soaked between your legs. It doesn’t bother them in the slightest. You can see the shimmer of your essence on Clark’s jaw. His eyes are shut, his features relaxed as he showers your tender nub with attention. Sam’s head nods as he licks. It bobs lazily, his nose occasionally bumping Clark’s jaw. He also sports a peaceful expression. It’s the first one on him you’ve seen on him in weeks. He isn’t annoyed or tense or bitter. He’s just lost in the bliss of how good you taste.
Soon, fingers start to get involved. Sam brings his long, slender digits up to slither their way inside of you. He moves his lips North to get more room for them. Clark moves ever so slightly to accommodate him but not by too much. He’s close enough that his nose can still brush against his skin. Close enough that he still feels the occasional swipe of his tongue against his own.
You feel release boiling in the pit of your stomach. Sparkling bursts of ecstasy fizzle from there through all your limbs.
“You gonna cum, baby?” Sam rasps. He pumps his fingers in and out faster, curling them against your clenching walls.
“Mhm,” you force out. Your eyes screw shut while you nod, your head wagging rapidly.
“Go ahead, honey. Cum for us. Show us how good you feel,” Clark hums. He flicks his tongue at your clit just as quickly as your head moves above.
In a matter of seconds, you shriek. Your thighs quiver against the sides of their heads. You roll your hips into the pleasure while clutching at the sheets. Sam’s fingers dig harder into the malleable flesh of your leg. Clark latches his lips onto your bundle of nerves and works you through the high.
At the point where you would normally start to come down, they still haven’t let up. Sam’s fingers don’t recede any. They stay snug in your cunt while Clark continues to make out with your center. You whine. Your hips now buck with the purpose of getting them off. The motion doesn’t achieve that though. They stay right where they are.
“Clark-” you squeal for the main offender. Your eyes roll back and ragged pants of air puff from your lungs. You grab at the two mops of hair between your legs. “Sam...” you whimper with desperation.
Your pleas go unanswered at first. Clark chuckles while Sam grins against your leg. The latter continues to thrust his hand between your thighs.
“What’s the matter?” Sam croons, his brown eyes gazing up at you.
Words tangle up into a needy whine. You bite your lip to suppress the noise before attempting to reply with the sentiment you know they anticipate.
“It’s too much. Too sensitive,” you mewl.
As expected, they only look at you with patronizing smiles.
“Too much?” Clark repeats mockingly, “It’s not too much. You can take it. Can’t she, Sam?”
“She can take it,” the man to his left affirms before redirecting his words at you, “You know you can, baby. You know you like it. You just can’t help yourself. You always need something to whine about.”
“I do not! Ah-” you say, cut off by your own moan.
It’s the feeling of one of Clark’s thick fingers joining the couple of Sam’s that are already inside you. Your toes curl at the minor stretch you feel. It’s nothing compared to the times you’ve taken both of them at once, but still, it brings slight discomfort.
“That’s it, pretty girl,” Clark praises as you lose yourself to the moans.
They both duck back in and work with their mouths again. The tips of their tongues brush against one another as they lap at you. Clark moves in impossibly closer, angling his mouth slightly to the left. It leaves him more open to Sam. It gives him easier access to the other man as well.
Sam knows it’s on purpose. This isn’t coincidental positioning. Clark can be just as needy as you. He just has an aversion to acting so openly pathetic about it, especially with red kryptonite on him.
His head drifts a little more inward, bringing their mouths even closer together. Sam doesn’t hesitate before taking the leap. He tilts himself towards Clark. His tongue slides out against your cunt, but this time it makes full contact with the other man who moans at the warm, wet caress and reciprocates in full.
Your head pops up at the needy sound leaving his throat. You watch with lust-lidded eyes as their tongues tangle with each other against your folds. Their mouths are still touching your skin. The focus has just become split, flowing to all three points of your triad.
It helps to ease the sting of overstimulation that had been nipping at you. You’re able to actually make the descent back to a normal state of arousal. Reaching towards them, you lazily stroke Sam’s hair. You brush his bangs back from his warm forehead before swapping over to Clark and combing your fingers through his tresses that have become damp with sparse drops of sweat.
As they feel your touch, they become more focused on each other. It’s as if more subconscious parts of their minds understand you’ve been attended to. You’ve been sated. You’re not going to get up and leave, so it’s ok to play with each other a bit.
Sam’s the one to deepen the exchange. He draws his fingers that had gone still from the warmth of your cunt. They land on Clark’s shoulder, sliding up to the nape of his neck to pull him closer. Your other boyfriend doesn’t need to be told twice. He moves in for more, his nose bumping against Sam’s. Their breaths grow louder. You can hear every desperate inhale.
A low hum reverberates from Sam’s throat as Clark pushes him back on the bed. He kisses with the same overeager tenacity of a pup desperate for attention from its master.
Sam crumples on his shoulder, letting his back rest against the blankets beneath the three of you. You rise on your elbows and sit up, readjusting your legs. Your eyes trail over their nude bodies. They catch on the way Clark ruts himself against the crevice between Sam’s hip and the mattress. Sam’s flushed length stands stiff between their bodies, oozing the first beads of pre despite being untouched for the most part.
You’re only left neglected for a few seconds more. Sam manages to guide Clark’s lips down onto his neck. He then tilts his head back and reaches for your wrist.
“Don’t think we forgot about you,” he says with a small tug.
You follow along with the direction and scoot closer. Clark’s still got his mouth attached to Sam’s neck, kissing and licking at the curve of his throat. The recipient of the touches sighs at the dull sense of bliss it brings. Clark grinds himself harder against the bed, letting out a strangled moan before lifting his head.
His eyes are drooping with desire too now. The blown out pupils flit from Sam to you.
“We couldn’t forget about you, baby,” he adds, his mind seemingly just catching up with the words your other lover said.
Grabbing you by your waist, he drags you over Sam’s body and gets you flat on the mattress under him. You can feel the heat of his length against your thigh. Sam sits up beside you and strokes your cheek with two of his long fingers. He studies you for a few moments, looking at you with such intensity. Even in the heat of the moment though, you know he’s different. His normal reverence is absent. There’s hardly any affection in his gaze. It feels empty in a sense. As if his actions are guided by pure carnal need.
“I’ll let you have her pussy, Clark. Think her and I need to make up with something closer,” he says as his thumb pulls your mouth open by pressing on your bottom lip.
The plan receives no argument from Clark. It probably would have had he been the one resigned to your mouth, but he had no protests about getting to fuck you.
“Sounds good to me,” he grins and moves to kneel between your thighs. He tugs you closer by your hips, getting you in the position he wants. “You ready, princess? This won’t be too much for you?”
It’s not said with genuine concern. You’re sure the result would be the same regardless of if you nodded or shook your head. His tip is already nudging at your hole, more than ready to be inside.
You feel his cock sink in and split you open in time with Sam pushing his thumb further into your mouth. A moan bubbles up from you before you close your lips around the digit and suck. You shut your eyes too, allowing the physical sensations to overtake you.
Clark works himself in inch-by-inch. To your surprise, he doesn’t jerk himself all the way in, but he doesn’t go slow either. His desire rolls off him in waves. It’s only a matter of seconds before his tip is kissing your cervix and the thin patch of dark hair above his cock is pressed to your pelvis.
Sam pushes down on your tongue with his thumb. You continue sucking. Having it there soothes you in a way. It staves off any remnants of overstimulation, gives you something to focus on besides the thick cock stretching you apart.
But then he removes it. You whine. Moments after it leaves you, Clark draws his hips back and then slams in again. Now he’s set on picking up the pace. You don’t get a break. He doesn’t take a while to figure out a rhythm. He pounds back and forth, already settling into the one he likes.
Sam is rising up next to your head too. Before you realize what’s happening, he’s tapping the head of his dick on the seam of your lips. Your eyes lift to his face, which looks down at you with a condescending smirk.
“Open up, baby,” he purrs.
Obediently, your lips part. He thrusts himself inside with the same force Clark used on your cunt. You screw your eyes shut to try and repress the urge to gag. He chuckles up above, though it sounds distant to your ears. Being full of them on both ends spreads your senses thin. They try to keep up with everything happening, but they can really only catch the most intense pieces. Everything else blurs into a flurry around you. Clark’s needy grunts, Sam’s satisfied hum, the wet squelches coming from your core. All of it mixes together into a hazy bluster.
Sam’s cock drags over your tongue. It’s much heavier than his thumb. Warmer too. You suck on it all the same. You don’t use too much force or bob your head more than necessary. Even if his personality had been different as of late, you know what affects him on a physical level no matter what. You swipe your tongue over that specific vein and press up on the sensitive ridge that makes him buck. He hisses as you’re able to get him going with only a few small maneuvers.
“Fuck, you’re good at that,” he grunts. His hands land on either side of your head and hold you in place. “It’s much better when you’re using your mouth for this instead of all that worrying.”
As he grips your skull and begins rocking his hips back and forth, Clark rabbits himself harder into you. His fingers dig into you with such force, you’re sure you can feel the bruises forming on your skin. Normally, Clark was more conscious of his strength. He made sure to never pull too hard or hold too tightly. But when that little red stone sits strapped around his wrist, all concern for those kinds of things leaves his mind. All he cares about right now is the feeling of your pussy wrapped around his cock.
“She’s so fucking tight. Like more than usual. Thinks she likes us better like this,” Clark moans as he continues fucking into you with fast, needy strokes.
“Yeah? That true?” Sam huffs. He thrusts forward and drags your head all the way down on his cock.
In place of an answer, you gag. One set of your fingers claws at the bedding while your other clutches one of his thighs. He holds you in place for a moment. You can’t breathe. Your heart pounds with panic while your pussy squeezes extra tight around Clark. You hear him whimper at the sensation. It sounds far away, fading almost.
You blink slowly. Your head jerks a little. It’s not a conscious choice. Just the natural survival instinct that drives you to fight for air. You don’t receive it at first. Sam keeps your throat full for a few seconds more before pulling out and allowing you to suck in a breath.
You cough at the sudden influx of oxygen. A few droplets of spit spew forward and flank his v-line. He pets your head, stroking you in a way that seems almost caring.
“Such a good girl,” he praises, “You didn’t even move that much. Kept nice and still like you’re supposed to.”
“Of course. She knows just how to take us,” Clark agrees.
“I guess that’s true,” Sam says, thumbing at your cheek before sliding his cock between your lips again.
He’s not as forceful this time. You don’t stop breathing as you suck and lick at him. He keeps his thrusts pretty shallow. One of his hands rests on the top of your head, maintaining contact without grabbing you.
Simultaneously, Clark’s cock throbs inside you. It aches with the urge to spill. His balls that slap against your ass feel tight, more than ready to drain into you.
Sam can tell he’s close from how hard he’s panting. He doesn’t say anything, just watches. His eyes linger on Clark’s hips as they lose rhythm. They buck against you, sputtering as the rush of release creeps up on him. Sam can feel it approaching for him too. He tilts his head back and lets his eyes fall shut. His hand stays firm on the top of your head, using its position for leverage to start thrusting with a little more fervor again.
You whine around his cock. The faint vibrations only serve to coax Sam farther along. Things feel more blurry for you than it does for either of them. While they feel the clear signs of their impending orgasms, yours arrives suddenly. It explodes within you, snapping like a taut rubber band. Your body twitches and spasms. You feel the urge to arch your back and buck your hips, but you’re stationary for the most part between them.
Clark cums after you. He bursts with a sharp groan. His hips slap against your ass, jerking you upward. He maintains the same firm grip he’s had the whole time. You feel the thick, warm ropes flood you in a few spurts. It feels good, relaxing in a way to know the end is near.
Then your attention is swept up by the man occupying your mouth. Another hiss zips through his lips before you feel the sticky heat of his spend hit the back of your throat. You swallow every drop. It’s not like you have much of a choice. He doesn’t pull out or give you any room to do anything else but accept it.
He holds himself there as his length twitches and then softens. When the pleasure has reached its zenith, he finally begins to slip himself out. A thin string of saliva hangs from your lips and the head before he falls from his knees and sits beside you. He watches as Clark slides out too. Unlike the man by your upper half, he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he collapses on top of you.
His body heat seeps into you, his weight crushing your smaller frame. He nips at your neck. “See? It’s so much more fun when you’re not so tense, baby,” he breathes.
“Mhm,” you hum and let your eyes shut.
Sam sinks down next to the pair of you in bed. He doesn’t speak for a couple minutes. Wordlessly, he observes the way Clark holds you beneath him.
“You are much cuter when you’re tuckered out like this,” he says, his voice low and quiet.
You tilt your head against his shoulder and keep your eyes shut, a gesture to show that you’re trying to doze off. Your main hope is that they’ll follow suit. Luckily that seems to be the case as they remain quiet. You hear Sam’s breath even out beside you. Clark stays still on top of you, pressing a lazy kiss to your skin every so often, but it’s not long before you can feel those puffs of air become deeper and more steady.
Once you feel semi-confident they’re both asleep, only then do you open your eyes. As carefully as you can, you shift slightly and reach for Clark’s arm. You keep your movements slow so as to not wake either one of them. When you have his muscular limb held up enough, you hook your fingers around that bracelet and pull. With a little force, it pops free. You don’t know if it’s real or imagined, but you swear you feel his muscles relax.
From your spot on the bed, you toss it towards the closet. The farther it is from Clark the better. You suppose you should probably try to hide from Sam, but for some reason, you don’t feel like he’s set on using it again. Getting it off was pretty easy. Maybe he planned on you doing exactly this from the moment he slid that thing onto your other boyfriend.
Either way, you shut your eyes. You won’t let yourself sleep, but you can at least rest for right now. You and Clark could deal with Sam later. With one of them back to normal, you could figure out how to do the same for the other.
#au: sam & clark 🤸♀️#sam winchester x reader#clark kent x reader#sam winchester smut#clark kent smut#spn smut#spn x reader#smallville x reader
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great expectations! - 2, happy birthday!
prev. | current | next | series list | character intros
You've been a regular at Freddie's since it was legal for you to drink, and if you were being honest, a little before then, too.
The bar is nothing special and a little out of your way, but you've made some of your favorite memories there. It's where you and Kuroo finally wore down Tsukki enough so that he would sign the lease with everyone, where you celebrated every birthday and finished project to the fullest extent you deserved.
You'd been sitting at the bar, in the same spot you were currently rooted to, when you found out that you had been chosen as the next captain.
You don't think Kuroo is watching out for you from the booth like he claimed he would while you elbowed your way to the bar, but you don't blame him. He's got Tsukki trapped in a conversation the blond has no interest in, and you know that any distraction on Kuroo's part will mean Tsukki can make his escape.
It's far more packed than you had thought it would be, especially for a place like Freddie's. It's not a place that particularly draws crowds, but there's an exceeding amount of university students filtering in through the doors. You can't help but feel a bubble of immature annoyance that so many others are taking up space at your favorite place.
"I guess I have to do the gentlemanly thing and buy you a drink for your birthday, don't I, pretty?"
Like nails on a chalkboard, the voice of Tooru Oikawa cuts through tranquility of your night out. You're wedged against the counter in an attempt to try and get the overworked and understaffed bartender's attention, and Oikawa is only a few short inches away. He's not touching you, or blocking off your escape into the crowd, and those small details are the only reasons why your fight or flight instincts don't kick in.
You manually choose fight, face twisting into a glare that met his boyish smirk head on. When it was clear he was undeterred, you turned fully towards the bar and kept your shoulder between your body and his chest.
You were really determined to get your drink.
"Lucky that we ran into each other, don't you think?" He tries again, and in your effort to keep from looking at him, your attention snags on a group of girls circled around a high top table. You think you might have a lecture with one of them, but all you really focus on is the way their focus is on the man standing beside you.
"So you're the reason for the crowd, aren't you?" You roll your eyes without looking at him and lean forwards against the counter, hoping that it helps the bartender see you waiting oh so patiently.
"The only ones who knew I was coming here tonight were my friends," He reasons, but you can hear the smugness in his voice, so you don't really believe the way his hands raise slightly in innocence. "I can't help it if the people love me."
"You're insufferable, you know that?" You huff, finally giving up your valiant effort to ignore him for as long as humanly possibly. His grin is wide when you make eye contact, and you swear you see something like a flush high on his cheeks while you glare up at him.
"Iwa's told me that, but I think you two are just mean." He exaggerates a pout, then gestures casually to the bartender for two more of the bottle he has clutched in his hand.
You really do hate Oikawa, because in seconds he's gotten fresh drinks when you've been waiting for nearly ten minutes. Not to mention, the girls that are staring holes into the back of your head.
He tries to press one of the bottles into your hands, but you refuse, drawing the line at actually letting him buy you a drink. It doesn't matter that what he ordered sounds decent; it's principle.
Under no circumstances whatsoever can you let Tooru Oikawa buy you a drink. It's against all known laws of nature.
"Uh, no thanks." Your words might seem polite, but they're dripping with attitude you can't seem to find it in you to care about. You know if Kiyoko had overheard you, she would have called you out for being rude, but unfortunately, you're left alone with public enemy number one.
"C'mon, it's your birthday! Live a little." He's teasing, and if it had come from anyone else but him, you would've already conceded.
"Why don't you give it to one of your fan club members over there? I bet they'd simply die if you bought them a drink." You nod your head in the direction of the girls glaring at you, and to Oikawa's credit, he doesn't even glance their way. You'd be lying if you said it didn't surprise you, what with the reputation he has for being a womanizer.
"I want to buy you a drink. On your birthday." His voice is calm and steady, tone dipped a bit lower than his usual easy lilt. You wish he'd look away from you, but you don't think he's glanced anywhere else but you since the moment he approached, save for ordering the drinks. "I don't really care about anyone else who wants my attention."
You blame the absurdness of his statement on your next actions.
As if put under a spell—some horrid concoction of his overwhelming eye contact, the proximity of his large frame, the sound of his voice, and the drinks you'd already consumed—you pull the bottle from his hand and take a deep, long sip without looking away from him.
Your heart is racing. Why is your heart racing?
"Good fucking night, Oikawa," You murmur, abandoning your post at the bar before he could respond and using the influx of bodies in the space to your advantage. You dive into the crowd to avoid his response, the consequences of your actions, and the unfamiliar buzz humming down to your very fingertips.
You think you might know the cause, but's just too unbelievable. You cram it down internally, which is totally the healthy thing to do.
You take a detour back to the booth to drop the bottle in front of Tsukki before muttering some lame excuse you're not even sure you heard clearly and bolting towards the back of the bar. The line to the bathroom is mercifully short, and soon enough you're standing in front of the mirror and cursing the flush in your face.
You really hate Tooru Oikaw.a
extras!
yn is still plotting tsukki's demise after his "you sound like oikawa comment" but kuroo convinced her to put it on hold so they can all go out. kiyoko is still adamant that it was funny and yn can't stay mad at her
when yn got the notification that oikawa liked her story, she stared at it for like five minutes in shock at his audacity. not once did she consider responding
oikawa obsesses over everything yn posts, but never had been brave enough to message until then. he's too used to people pursuing him
at the bar, oikawa took almost a full hour to talk to yn even though he saw her within thirty seconds of arriving
Hinata and Bokuto always disappear together whenever they go out together. It's a problem. the only reason anyone knew where they went was because kiyoko caught them leaving
taglist: 2/50
@loveyislost @vi0let-writes
#oikawa tooru#oikawa x reader#oikawa tooru x reader#oikawa tooru x you#oikawa tooru smau#tooru oikawa#tooru oikawa x reader#tooru oikawa x you#tooru oikawa smau#oikawa haikyuu#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu smau
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Whats your opinion of the Rise community’s impression of 2012 splinter? For me I think he’s a very nice guy just unprepared like bro just got shoved four children
Uh this was random
I just want to make a note of something:
I’ve spent so long trying to come up with a response to this because I can think of some people who are pretty deep in the RISE fandom who are like “2012Splints ain’t that bad tho”. So addressing the entire fandom is actually more difficult than it sounds concerning Splinter.
So instead of addressing the entire community, which would put many people in boxes that they don’t fit in, I’m going to use this Ask to make a statement about the whole Rise VS 2012 debate.
So my firm opinion that I will give is this:
You cannot forgive Rise Splinter without forgiving 2012 Splinter.
And for the 2012 Fandom:
You cannot understand 2012 Splinter without understanding Rise.
You cannot say that you honestly grasp the extent of one trauma/depression without acknowledging the existence of the other. Both Splinters have similar building blocks of trauma (forcefully separated from someone who they love dearly, forced to fight for their lives for who knows how many weeks/months, forced to live/adapt to a body that’s not their own, and forced care for helpless mutant children on top of it all) but their ways of dealing with it are different ONLY because of their different upbringings.
Their traumas are the same but their history is different. (No, you can’t use the ‘well one is a struggling immigrant and the other isn’t’, because Yoshi literally grew up in Japan. He only moved to New York because that’s what Shen wanted. So he has more connection to his origins than Lou has. But that really is beside the point.)
Anyone can have the argument that they feel that one Splinter is the ‘lesser evil’ in this scenario. There are some pretty good debates for both sides, but you cannot claim to have any sort of proof that one Splinter loves his sons more than the other.
You can’t. It’s ignorant and untrue. And I stand by that.
After all, they both kept and raised four mutant children.
And I know that’s a pretty obvious piece of lore, but I don’t think most people truly realize just how monumental that is.
It’s hard enough to raise one child, and harder still two, but four mutant infants? All on your own while trying to manage a new body with no outside help of any kind- and dealing with the fact that their entire infant hood would be a guessing game of do I have any idea if this would hurt/kill the turtle side of them? Not to mention the patience it would take raising children with super strength and amazing abilities that most parents don’t have to deal with?
Four children- all with different mental capacities, all with the different dreams and desires, all the different wants and hates, all the different fears and struggles and tantrums, and you have to learn how to understand and raise all of those personalities (because toddlers absolutely have MASSIVE personalities) all at once.
All of the variables that came into raising them, all those reasons that would make life beyond difficult, all the temptation not to, and these men pilled with trauma and grief still looked at the tiny freaks of nature and went: Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be their dad.
Just like there are many different love languages, there are also many different ways of showing your love. RISE Splinter did it in the big ways while often neglecting the small, and 2012 Splinter did it in the small ways well often neglecting the big.
One man does not have worse trauma than the other.
One man does not have more love for his children.
You will never be able to convince me that you truly understand what 2012 has gone through but still hate him, if you cannot acknowledge that there might be a reason for you to hate Rise too.
If you cannot comprehend understanding/forgiving 2012 then I really don’t think you truly understand/forgive Rise either.
So, yeah. That’s my hot take, ig.
#was kinda random but a good thought experiment#Thanks for the Ask!#IS Asks#Not entirely certain this makes sense but#here’s to hoping the words and wording?#teenage mutant ninja turtles 2012#tmnt fandom#teenage mutant ninja turtles#2012 tmnt#splinter 2012#tmnt 2012 splinter#2012 splinter#lou jitsu#rottmnt lou jitsu#splinter tmnt#tmnt splinter#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2k12
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The old Jedi would not know what to do with Luke.
Anakin was seen as a handful, but the Jedi could still command and control him. He was only a little boy when he was cut off from seeing his mother, and when the Jedi started drilling it into him that his personality was a problem he needed to grow out of.
He respected them, they were the authority figures in his life. He just wanted them to see him as someone worthy of respect too, instead of a problem child.
But they still talked down to him, even after all he did in the Clone Wars. Anakin was susceptible to Palpatine playing the part of a kind father figure because the Jedi treated him so badly.
He was so depressed when he met Padme again and his mom dying was the final straw. Padme stuck with him, but believed they needed to keep their stations as a Senator and Jedi to make the galaxy a better place.
Neither of them were in the right headspace for Anakin to leave the Jedi and seek a different life. He still wanted to be a Jedi, and wasn’t he supposed to be the chosen one? Surely he had to keep trying, he had to prove that Qui Gon was right. Had to prove himself.
Luke wouldn’t have thrived either if he was taken to the Jedi as a child. But if he travelled back in time as an adult?
That man thinks like a good old moisture farmer. Some of the most moral, trustworthy folks you could find on Tatooine. And they don’t take nonsense from anybody.
He respects Obi Wan and Yoda. But he doesn’t agree with them all the time or take all their words as gospel. He was turning down Obi Wan about rescuing Leia, saying he had to go home and he wasn’t qualified to help. Left Dagoba to save his friends, because he can’t just leave them behind to train.
And he didn’t give up on reasoning with Vader, even when told nobody comes back from the dark side. He believes people can redeem themselves.
Luke isn’t set in the strict and cultish ways that the Jedi had in their last days. That’s something Disney didn’t understand.
He’s like the ancient Jedi, the ones who were normal people who happened to have the force. That’s how he operates. Who says you have to train since childhood, away from all your family, in this temple system?
He doesn’t have all the same information and training, but he has an outsider’s perspective. Luke Skywalker doesn’t put the Jedi in the same box they built for themselves before the fall. And he would make that known.
He would get along swimmingly with Qui Gon and Quinlan Vos. Vos operated outside of the Order and was looked down upon for it. I can see those two sitting and joking for hours, racing each other with Luke on a Speeder and Quinlan parkoring through the trees.
Qui Gon tried to be civil and work as a member of the Jedi, even when they looked down on him. He believed someone like Anakin could change things, so of course he’d be excited meeting Luke.
Wouldn’t it be a relief to hear another person call out the Jedi on their overzealous rules? This Skywalker, who spoke of Count Dooku potentially being redeemable and said he understood why the man left? Nobody else would have said it out loud. Mace Windu would find the man infuriating. An outsider with no right to speak about the Jedi’s ways. Do you know what he said, when Mace told him he was not fit to call himself a Jedi, much less a master?
“I’d rather not fit your definition of a Jedi. This” he gestured at the Council “isn’t something to aspire to. You’re all so high up you can’t see the ground. You can barely see the other Jedi who are a floor beneath you.
I prefer to have my feet back on solid ground, with the people who live there.”
“You said your name is Skywalker.” Luke shrugged and chuckled.
”I like to fly. I’m a decent pilot. But looking at a world from orbit only shows a fraction of it. Landing, seeing what’s on the ground is important. There are so many lights you can’t see from space. So many sounds that Air Traffic Control sees as a distraction.
The sound of a child singing along to a song, the sound of old locals bickering, the sound of animals in the trees. They’re best experienced in person. The Jedi haven’t gone down to listen in a long, long time.”
Mace could say Luke’s not a Jedi, but then what is he? He uses the light side of the Force and has good morals and does his best to work with the personality traits he has.
Maybe he does have that impatient streak and fierce anger, but he’s learned to manage them. Instead of repressing them and assuming they’ll lead to the dark side.
You can’t call Skywalker a servant of the dark side, even when you vehemently disagree about Sith being capable of redemption. And he knows enough, is skilled enough, that you can’t just write him off as part of the unwashed masses.
So what is Luke then? Living proof that Jedi can function without the Council and Temple and Dogma. Proof that Anakin could have thrived if he wasn’t raised separated from his old life and to think he was wrong for having the traits he was born with.
Would he fade away if he changed the timeline? Or would he create a new, separate timeline and wind up back in his version of the future?
Luke would probably try not to sound like a crazy man, talking about the Chancellor. Instead of being able to oust Palpatine, I believe he would change the timeline by making a difference in people’s lives.
Qui Gon was surprised to see Skywalker insisting that Anakin needed his mother; and if the Jedi were so set on isolating kids, he’d buy her freedom himself and train the boy outside of the Order. He’d never really questioned the virtue of separating parent and child, but when Luke called it out? Really made him think.
Nobody could deny that Skywalker and the small child with the same name hit it off. They were both from Tatooine and loved to tinker and loved to fly. Some even wondered if Luke was the father, which made him burst out laughing and point out the flaws in that theory.
Shmi still ended up marrying Owen’s father when she was freed, but let Anakin go with Skywalker to become a Jedi. Somehow she knew the two of them would come to visit, just like he promised.
Years later, Luke would find a way to return to his own timeline. And it would be time for him to go home, with precious memories with his father, grandmother, and uncle that he never dreamed he’d experience.
The Anakin Skywalker he left behind would be okay. He had learned how to deal with his emotions in a healthy way. He didn’t hang on the Jedi’s every word.
He was so much more calm and happy. He didn’t care what the Order said about him when he and Padme announced their marriage. Anakin had questioned why she’d deny herself happiness for her career, and she saw that he had a point.
Of course Luke stuck around for the ceremony, alongside many Jedi like Qui Gon who left the Order after seeing there was an alternative. He left an Obi Wan and Yoda who weren’t so stifled by the Order, and who made it better for it.
It would be much later that Anakin would realize the other Skywalker was his son. He grew into the same face and voice and powers. And he would find a hologram from his master, too.
Explaining that he was from a timeline where the Jedi failed the Chosen One and he fell to the dark. Reassuring Anakin that he redeemed himself in the end, and that the evil Empire was defeated. Calling him dad and saying he was glad they got to get to know each other properly.
#star wars legends#this isn’t Disney’s version of Luke. They did not understand him.#Star wars#Star Wars au#star wars prequels#Luke Skywalker#Anakin Skywalker#prequel trilogy#time travel au
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OTHER USES — caleb, lads.
in which Caleb shows mc what more he can do to her.
note: I do not own any of these characters, mc is yours to imagine. I only write the plot. Came belongs to (me) infold as he was created for the game.
warnings!: sexual themes, vulgar language, slightly toxic.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISKS! MDI!!!
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It has been a few days since Caleb has held you captive. You've been trying to find ways to escape, but it was rendered useless as Caleb seemed to know everything you've thought of.
This wasn't the man you knew, the childhood friend you've spent almost everyday and hour with.
He wasn't the same.
Yet, you knew deep inside that you still held in that small hope of him being the same friend you knew and loved. Maybe that's why even with the plans and urge to escape, you still felt like you were held back by that hope.
The sound of a door echoed from behind you, making you flinch for a moment before forcing yourself to relax. You knew who it was, of course you do.
Footsteps were getting closer as you continued staring out of the window with a blank face. You were forcing yourself not to react, not to reveal any vulnerability.
A sigh sounded behind you before the sound of a plate being placed on the table echoed the room.
These were one of the reasons why you held yourself back from escaping. Even a small action of giving food made you hope that the man you knew was still there.
"You can't keep starving yourself, ____."
And these simple sentences that your Caleb always reminds you in the past.
"If you're still thinking of trying to find an escape, apologies but that's useless."
But it always gets brought down by the sentences afterwards.
You stayed silent, not even sparing him a glance as he continued to gaze at your face.
To him, you looked ethereal. A masterpiece, the moon gazing upon its people with a soft glow. That's what you were to him. A guide that he would always follow in the night sky. Whenever he is lost, he would look up the moon and see you, because you were his only hope in this cruel world.
But as he thought of you, darkness and red clouded his judgement. A sinister mindset set in stone.
Now, as he looks at you, his only thought was to keep you in his place. Hold you down with no escape, touch you to show you his desire of your body and soul.
Oh, how he longed to do that, but he knew if he did, you will never look at him the same again. And so, he planned.
If he wanted to show you that, he will have to make you trust him, to want him, to desire him. If not, well.. let's just say you don't want that to happen.
"When will you set me free?"
Caleb froze from what he was doing. Free you? He has no plans on doing such a thing, not when he has you in his chambers.
"You know I can't do that."
He lost a bit of your trust when he uttered those words. And so, he was back to square one.
"Caleb, look!"
He heard your excited squeals as you showed him a car shaped cotton candy. He took you to a festival, something that shocked you. You didn't think he would propose such an idea, for once, you didn't feel trapped in that same dull room. For once, your hope enhanced once more.
"Caleb, stop you're drunk."
You panted out as Caleb pinned you down on the mattress. The festival for some reason had a drinking game, the price was something you liked, but you didn't wanna be drunk right after so you stopped yourself. Caleb seemed to have thought otherwise.
"I'm not.."
He whispered while his lips hovered over your neck, leaving love bites all over it. You both shouldn't be doing this, you did not want to take advantage of his drunken state, and you absolutely did not think about doing this with him.
"Caleb, please.."
You pleaded as you tried to push him off of you, but the festival took a toll on you, so you were powerless against his strength.
"Tell me you don't want this."
That made you stop struggling. You looked away from him as your face began flushing even more. Your face betraying what you wanted to say.
Caleb huffed in amusement as he let out a small smirk. He knew what you were thinking and your face just confirmed it. Seems like he's been given permission.
"Be gentle..okay?"
You whispered to him, making him chuckle softly as he gazed into your eyes with that intense look.
"I'll try."
Pants echoed the room as the atmosphere slowly turned hot. You breathed out in a long sigh as Caleb roamed your body from your neck, to your chest, down to your abdomen, stopping only above your hips as he then locked his eyes onto yours.
His gaze made you flustered, made you feel hot.
"I wonder if you taste as sweet as the apple.."
You couldn't believe what was happening, you felt so powerless, but it was good. Good..
You heard wiring, making you snap your eyes open.
"What..what are you doing?"
You stuttered out as you stared at him in disbelief, is he gonna do what you think he's gonna do? Is he sure about this? Are you sure about this?
He seems to be knowing what you were thinking as he chuckled when he saw your expression.
"Don't worry, you don't think fighting is its only uses right?"
#lnds caleb#lads caleb#love and deepspace caleb#caleb#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace#romantic#loveanddeepspace#love and deep space
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The first thing she notices is the sparkles in Drawing-Nova's eyes. Edna stares, but can't seem to conclude much from it. Nova looks pretty ordinary for someone who is apparently very lovesick for Ludger's brother. ❛ Some people just can't take no for an answer——they're obnoxious and not worth my time. ❜ At least, Zaveid isn't worth her time.
❛ Poor Lurin. It sounds like you're fated to deal with this, ❜ she says flatly, in a more deadpan manner than a mocking one. ❛ Always stuck listening to lovesick pining for your brother ... How tragic. ❜ Edna, on the other hand, doesn't care if someone likes Eizen the same way; he's free to like anyone he wants, after all. The only thing she actually cares about is if that person can make Onii-chan happy. Of course, that can't happen now, but maybe if he got to live, perhaps that could've happened. Perhaps. If it had been the other way around, though, Edna knows she could never have a love life because Onii-chan would literally fend everyone away, accusing them of being 'unworthy' of her or whatever.
While she cannot quite see the appeal in wanting the world to acknowledge you in such a way, his zeal amuses her. ❛ All this work for a star to be named after you. I suppose you got your work cut out for you then. ❜ There are so many stars out there, she's pretty sure one named after him would be super hard to spot anyway——but even then, he still really wants that star. Humans are so ... determined for weird reasons. Maybe one day in the distant future, Edna can find his star during one of her usual walks.
She didn't expect much reception to her lifestyle, so she tilts her head a little at a specific part of Ludger's response, eyeing his notepad curiously. ❛ What 'responsibilities' are you tasked with? ❜ Surely a clan that knows about seraphim have something more extraordinary to do than a clan who doesn't know of them.
Well, that's what she thinks. Edna has never actually met clans before, much less individual people on a mountain as secluded as Rayfalke——but from the way he talks, Ludger does a lot. Ironically, he originally struck her as someone with loads of free time. Even though it seems eccentric to her that he has a portable kitchen, his actions and words imply that he has prior experience with meeting seraphim and communicating with them. He even mentioned Zaveid, Lailah, and Meebo's names earlier, and also Sorey. Clearly, they have a long history with seraphim. Did they exist around the Era of the Gods then?
The Kresnik Clan ... Maybe Sorey and Alisha would've liked to meet them. ❛ I'll humor you by answering yes, ❜ she casually answers, lifting up the bag of palmiers he gifted her, ❛ since I can see and acknowledge your effort. Good Lurin. I'll let you eat one of the marron glacé even though they're for me, because I'm benevolent like that. ❜
Oh right, Edna wouldn't know Nova. He could explain, but visual aids are always better. So... flexing his artistic skills, Ludger sketched a head shot of Nova. He made sure she had that twinkle in her eye she saved for his brother, who either ignored it or never noticed. Once he finished, he'd call his work decent-- not frame it on your wall worthy, but it did resemble a person without any glaring flaws.
'This is her. She's very friendly and can get anyone smiling. Only negative I got about her is she constantly gushes about dating my brother one day. No amount of telling her it's not happening stopped her.' Maybe she can relate to Lord Zaveid in that way-- both want people they'll never get. Nova just has one where Zaveid has... a lot, probably.
As expected, Lady Edna does confirm his dream's a cheese wheel with a side of cheese. Although mysteriously, she drops her snark to warn him: life's not going to pull any punches, so he better make sure he leaves no regrets behind if he wants to instill hope in others. Ludger shoots a concerned frown for a second until he figures it's not his business to pry.
'Don't worry, I've gotten pretty good at reminding my stubborn big brother he can't eat pasta margheritas in the afterlife. And I'm determined to fulfill my duties to this world until my time's up! They'll name a real star after me by the time I'm done!' Ludger punctuates the message with a full on salute. 'Or maybe there'll be a dish called "The Ludger's Special" in my honor. Either's fitting for me. ( ꈍ◡ꈍ)'
His syrup sample earned itself perfect marks. Ludger puffs his chest with pride-- and who says you can't make a five star meal on the road? Though most don't carry nearly as much as he does. Lady Edna also shares her daily routine: walking around and visiting her brother. Rayfalke's a big place, so there's definitely enough ground to take up a full day. Though her brother... was he...?.He'd ask Victor, he knows that stuff.
'Not boring at all! But I'd probably go mad worrying I'm not doing enough to make things better. I wouldn't be able to talk to you like this if I didn't feel that responsibility.' Like most in the clan, he relied on his Oath to see and treat Hellions. Of course if he could go back, he would've chosen something different... or at least specified a subject.
'Sorry if that's a bit heavy-handed. (;^ω^) Guess that shows I'm worrying even now huh? But that's our family business: worrying about the world in ways most humans can't!' Or maybe that's just a symptom of being Julius' little brother. 'Though right now my biggest worry is making sure this visit's a treat both in taste and company. Is that working so far? (人ゝω・)'
#ofstarsandskies#°˖✧❀ ❛ peace on the mountains. ┊ main verse. ❀✧˖°#[ edna vc ] ludger ... if you side with zaveid then i am RESCINDING MY FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU 😒
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idk man I just think of all the franchises you could try to make the Next Big Thing by creating a bunch of new shows and movies, maybe don't pick the one with the notoriously nitpicky obsessed with canon fandom ?? if you don't plan on applying any sort of consistency to the world, characters, alien cultures, entire ethical and moral framework of the universe, etc etc ????
#I'm reluctant to tag this as star trek and get a bunch of angry folks coming at me#though also lbr SW isn't looking too crash hot these days either for the same reasons#but yes this is about that snw trailer#and the section 31 trailer#and all of the new Kurtzman Trek era lbr#like if you like the new stuff then you do you bestie#I've been enjoying Prodigy myself!!!#but I've bounced off every other show pretty hard after each first season#because the simultaneous disregard of FUNDAMENTAL aspects of the universe / established characters and lore#while also religiously adhering to SOME of the established canon (mostly the newly established stuff)#has been driving me up the wall#hell even Prodigy has been hard now they've set it up to lead into Picard#like no thanks I don't accept any version of events where Bev never tells Jean Luc about their son and goes to raise him alone#like they make all the stupidest shit canon and adhere to it#while also making say being a Vulcan a matter of DNA rather than cultural upbringing#nevermind literally half a dozen other shows which show that's NOT how that works#I am genuinely curious how many folks like me have bounced off the new stuff never to return lol#(though okay I do keep up with trailers and sometimes reviews to see if it sounds worth coming back for which it never does)#or only watched bits and pieces#and are meanwhile enjoying their eighth or ninth or twenty second rewatch of TOS/TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT#like do they really have the numbers showing up to even watch this new stuff???#lower decks was the most popular it seemed and that's ending#but I can't help but think that if they'd stuck to the quality storytelling and a more or less coherent established universe#that were ... you know ... the defining aspects of the franchise ....#that they might have actually succeeded at finding a new audience looking for prestige science fiction television
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)
#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately#mostly our relationship with our step father#there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did#i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness#that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account#I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time#maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms#but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.
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