#the reason they were so weak to the first soulless is because they had been running for days without food or sleep

[assmaster-8000]

i cant find much oc content in touchstarved because im lowkey blind but people with touchstarved ocs!!! please info dump to me in comments or dms i /gen want to hear what yall have come up with!!!!! what are their back stories? how different is it from the route you chose for them? what are they like? what do they look like? miscellaneous facts?

[meguminne]

Lovestruck Ajax!࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

call it unjust or prejudiced, but you’ve always found those with hydro visions a bit conceited, whether they know it or not. but that’s mostly due to childe’s fault. [drabble but more like a ramble] i just finished the fontaine story (no spoilers in the drabble!) and i just love him

‎ܓ perhaps it was thanks to the cruel hands of fate that you have had the displeasure of meeting such a man. his laughter was obnoxious, his eyes as deep as the sea; his smile is that of a fox’, and his bravado is so tall, you ought that its fall would be more cataclysmic than the fall of the great jade chamber.

༊ but if you chalked it up to fate, then perhaps you would think that celestia fancies itself a citizen of fontaine with its love for drama and theatrics.

༊ truly, there was nothing truly pleasant about the man they call ‘ajax,’ ‘childe,’ ‘tartaglia.’ his names don’t matter, he’s annoying all the way.

༊ at first you thought him quite handsome, save for the soulless blue eyes he has. you’ve bumped into him near the northland bank when you were browsing the books at the wanwen bookhouse, and you’ve chat with him a couple of times.

༊ you met again at the wangsheng parlor where he was particularly acquainted with the funeral director’s stoic secretary or whoever he was.

༊ by the tenth time, you wonder if you’re being stalked by the man with how often his face pops up even when you’re in sumeru, inazuma, monstadt and any of the seven nations!

༊ if you managed to find the land of khaenri’ah, you wouldn’t be surprised to see him there, ‘browsing the many places.’

༊ he would strike up a conversation without fail, always with that grin that makes you wonder if he’s practiced making such a stupid face in the mirror.

✎⟆ “oh, [y/n]! what a coincidence, i was just visiting mister zhongli! what brings you at such a grim place?”

✎⟆ “fancy seeing you here, my friend! it’s— it’s almost as if we’re fated to meet.”

✎⟆ “s-since you’re here anyways, why don’t i treat you to some dinner?”

༊ each time you find a reason to leave, you managed to get dragged back with promised words like a sumpter beast following a baited stick! not to mention how often he trips over his own words like a man trying to formulate a lie on the spot! ᝰ

༊ he doesn’t even hide the fact that he’s following you at times! even at the desolate deserts of sumeru, even in the dangerous plains of tatarasuna and somehow even found you in the chasm?!

༊ to have been found so intriguing that a harbinger of all people would be stalking you! it unsettled you to no end how much he loved stalking you! what does a sinister figure want with you!?

✃- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

˚◞♡ unbeknownst to you, childe was simply truly enamored with you and your little adventures.

˚◞♡ he’s grown to love how powerful and formidable you are when it comes to fighting. (even if your enemies were mere slimes!)

˚◞♡ he’s been meaning to ask you out directly on dates but your unsettled features and worried expressions made you look so adorable that he couldn’t help but tease you.

˚◞♡ he’s never had trouble with talking to people, but it seems he finds himself stumbling over his own words; perhaps it was because you were his weakness but the smile on his face never seems to fall with you around.

★⟆ “childe..”

✎⟆ “ajax,”

★⟆ “right, ajax, childe, tartaglia.. how did you find me here?”

✎⟆ “oh haha! i frequent this place a lot. you know, it’s quiet and peaceful. great for pondering,”

★⟆ “you.. frequent the chasm’s underbelly..?”

˚◞♡ bleegh! he’s so quirky and wacky, a harbinger not fluent with the language of deceit? say it ain’t so!

˚◞♡ he’s given you bouquets of rainbow roses, calla lilies and even mistflowers!

༊ it’s sweet and all but how did he get into your house?

˚◞♡ leave it to ajax to solely revive the tradition of courtship just for you to return the same fervor. bouquets, dates and ‘fated’ meetings are no issues so long as he gets to be with you.

[hidden-snow]

𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚢

Summary // After moving far from home to join the Sully family, you develop depression. Luckily, you have Jake and Neteyam to cheer you up.

Warnings // Mentions of suicidal thoughts, SH, and depression. This fic may not be suitable for certain readers. Read at your own risk.

Word count // 1,009

Part 1 of 2 // Neteyam

(Side note from author; if you ever need an ear to listen, feel free to pm me or send an ask in anonymous <3 If you have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself, please contact 988 or the suicide hotline in your country)

How long had you been laying around, no motivation to participate in normal day life? How long had your expression lacked the emotions you used to have? How long had you been so… numb?

It felt like you’ve been stuck in the blank, dull pit of your own depression. Your life revolved around that pit and you felt like you were trapped, unable to climb your way out. Jake and his family had been quick to notice your lack of interest in anything, had seen the way you curled up on your mat, a pale blue blanket pulled up over your head to hide away from the world and its problems.

They’d done their best to help you through this severe episode of depression, talking to you and trying to comfort you in any way they could. At times, Ronal would visit to check in on your mental health. When she did visit, she always brought a tonic to drink in an attempt to cure your mental pain.

It never worked.

You were desperate to feel anything other than empty and soulless, taking to extreme measures to find any spark of emotion deep in your aching heart.

The first time you’d slid your knife across your wrist, you’d felt a sliver of pain, the first emotion you’d felt in days. Of course, it was addicting and intoxicating, helping you to feel something other than numb. It sent a thrill through your body, adrenaline pumping hard and fast in your veins. Your hand shook as you added another cut in your skin.

You could see the blood from your self-inflicted wounds, and it only served to prove to you that you were still alive and not a walking, breathing, eating corpse. You couldn’t stop. The sharp burn of the knife against your flesh, the scarlet red that stained your skin.

The only reason you stopped was because a hand wrapped around your wrist, forcing you to drop the knife. A hand with long, slightly scarred fingers. A hand that felt warm against your cold, clammy skin.

You look up to see Neteyam looming over you, his non-existent eyebrows creased upwards in a concerned look. His lips were pursed, as if he were holding back a flood of questions and comments, and you couldn’t help but avoid his gaze. You looked everywhere but at his eyes, afraid that if you looked, you’d only see disappointment. Or worse - disgust.

He didn’t say anything, though. He just grabbed your shoulders, pulling you into a soft hug against his chest, fingers stroking through your braided locks.

You hadn’t realized how desperately you needed this until he was doing it, whispering soothing words of comfort, of promises that only he could keep.

With that simple physical contact that he was giving you, you felt your guards crumble and fall, the floodgates of your heart finally bursting open.

You sobbed softly into his shoulder, the numbness of your soul withering away as you finally began to feel the pain and anguish that you’d promised yourself that you’d never let in.

He drew back, grabbing a cloth from nearby to dab at your eyes, swiping it under your nose to wipe away the snot that had come with your ugly sobbing. Then he cupped your face gently between his hands, his thumb stroking your red cheek.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, smiling softly at you, and you faintly saw the glimmer of tears in his own eyes.

“I see you. I see your pain and your sadness. I am here. You’ll never be alone, y/n.”

You couldn’t help but smile back at him, a hesitant, weak smile that reflected the weakness you felt within.

“Now, let us tend to your wounds.”

You watched silently as he wiped the blood from your wrists, cleaning your skin with gentle care. Everything about his touch was gentle and careful, cautious as to not cause you further harm or pain. 

What did you do to deserve such gentle love and care?

“What brought this on, might I ask?”

You clear your throat, looking back up into his face, but he’s too focused on your wrists. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to confide in a friend, would it?

“I miss home,” you murmur softly and he pauses, looking back up at you in surprise. You flinch back from his expression, knowing that this could only end up in two ways; pity or anger. You didn’t want to witness either of them.

“You could always go back home?” he offered instead, returning to your wounds. You let out a sigh, so deep that it reflected the pain in your chest brought on by your sorrow and depression.

“No. You know that. Mother was very firm about what she wanted to happen. She didn’t want… she did not want me to live in the same land that my father and brother were killed in.”

He didn’t respond to that, knowing that your words rang with a truth that all of the Sullys knew. Your mother had been insistent that Jake take you with him, practically pleading that he keep you close to his side. After all, you needed a father figure to guide you as you grew. Or at least, that’s what she argued when he tried to refuse her request.

Separated from your only living relative, living in a land foreign to your soul and blood, it was hard to readjust. It was hard to grieve for your father and brother when you could not be near to sit over their graves or to lay flowers beside the tangled tree roots that grew over their bodies.

He thinned his lips for a moment, finishing the bandages on your wrists. Then he straightened, pulling you back into another warm hug, holding you close in that safe warmth that belonged to him.

“Don’t worry, y/n. We will return soon. Everything will be alright. From now on, come to me before you think of hurting yourself again, alright? I will make things better for you. I promise.”

[mythicglyphs]

I published my first fanfic! Marrow of Despair, a Raphael x Tav oneshot.

Read on AO3 (Link)

Summary: Alone by the fire at night, fevered and weak, Tav is afraid she is on the verge of transformation. Raphael's appearance seems to confirm her worst fears, but perhaps the devil has other reasons for paying her a visit.

The fire was low. Tav was frozen to the bones.

It was already cold for a summer night and the others had retreated to their tents early. For the last few hours, she had been in the grip of a sickening chill. She shivered uncontrollably. Every gust of wind made her feel as though icy tendrils were creeping across her skin. She could hardly think straight. Amidst the dizziness and the pounding in her head, one question was pressing itself to the forefront of her mind.

Is this it?

The splitting headache, the chill, the delirium that seemed to be filling her head with white mist. That was how it began, wasn't it? There was sickness, fever, gut-wrenching pain...and then dissolution. The total loss of self, the reformation into something new. Something soulless.

She should tell the others.

But then what? What if it was happening to them too, and they were all in their tents, consumed by the same cold terror as she was? Or what if she was the only one? Would they protect her, insist that they keep up the search for a cure until the very end, or would they simply kill her? Would she let them? She didn't know whether it was hope, or simply the animal instinct for self preservation, that kept her from calling out for her companions. Visions of what would happen to them if she transformed right there in camp began to bloom in her imagination, and fear and guilt ate at her.

Her head thudded. She was so weak. She thought she could feel the squirm of the parasite behind her eye, and her stomach turned over.

Don't let this be it. Please, don't let this be it. I'll do anything.

As soon as the thought had flittered across her mind, there was a strange crackle in the air, followed by the faint scent of something burning. Then, a familiar voice.

"My, what a pitiful sight."

Her heart turned ice cold.

Of course, he would show up now. There could be no doubt now. All hope was gone, and true to his word, he was there. Her last remaining choice.

She forced herself to look up. The devil was standing some distance from her, in the shadow of a tree, looking at her with cool amusement.

"I...Raph..."

"Raph? We've become familiar awfully quickly, haven't we?"

Tav glared at him and opened her mouth, but no words came out. It was such an effort to speak, even to think. He smirked and sat down on a nearby log, looking as much the picture of elegance in their makeshift camp as he did in his own house. She knew how she must look; glassy-eyed, drenched in cold sweat, and weak. Easy prey, like an injured animal.

"But, I'm glad about that," he continued. "You look as though you're in need of a friend. A saviour, even."

She summoned the last ounces of strength she possessed. Yes, it was hopeless, she knew exactly why he had come, but whatever he wanted, be it her soul or something even more costly, she wasn't giving it up without some semblence of a fight.

"Hellspawn," she spat. "Get out of here."

Her voice was weak and cracked. She knew there hadn't been much power in it, because he was looked more amused than ever as he gazed down at her. Forcing herself to ignore the splitting pain in her head, she gave him the filthiest glare she could muster.

"You know," he said, with feigned indignance. "When you look at me like that, I can't help but think your face would be improved by the presence of a few tentacles."

It was too effortful to respond. Tav pressed her hands hard into the sockets of her eyes in an effort to relieve the pain, though it gave her the horrible feeling that she was pushing the tadpole further in. She could hear Raphael moving, leaves and grass crackling under his boots as he approached her.

"Where are your loyal companions?" he asked. "Resting peacefully in their tents, leaving you alone in such a terrible state? It hardly seems fair. Shall I wake them?"

Resting peacefully. So she was the only one. The first to succumb to ceremorphosis. He seemed to read her thoughts on her face.

"I wonder," he said slowly, sounding as though he was savouring her fear. "What would they think if they saw you like this? What would they do?"

She couldn't transform. She couldn't. All of her courage, her resolve and determination, wound as tightly as the strings of a lute, suddenly snapped.

"Raphael - do something, please," The words were tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. "I'll take your deal, I'll give you whatever you want. Just don't let this happen. Don't let me transform."

His smile widened slowly.

"Why, just moments ago, you still had some fight in you."

"Please." She didn't care how she sounded, couldn't hide her desperation any longer. "I need your help. Just tell me what you want."

"I don't want anything," he said, flippantly. "Other than your rapid recovery, of course."

He wasn't going to refuse, surely? He couldn't abandon her to that fate.

"You said...you said you could help. That you'd save..."

Raphael chuckled.

"Charming as it is to hear you beg for my help," he said. "It's unwarranted. You need not be so eager. We have time yet for deals and contracts, for despair and desperation. In the meantime..."

He knelt down, gazed at her for a moment, then surprised her by placing the back of his hand against her forehead.

"The brave adventurer," he murmured. "Bold enough to stand in a devil's house and threaten to rip out his tongue. Brought this low by a mere fever."

"I...what?"

"A common occurence, I suppose, when one spends their days trawling through goblin camps and ancient crypts."

Tav peered at him through a delirious haze, trying to find some sense in his words. A fever? If that was all it was, then why had he come? Was he toying with her, giving her a little taste of false hope to make the game last longer?

"You mean - this isn't - I'm not - ?"

"Transforming? Not tonight." He trailed his fingers down her cheek. "I'd wager that you'll retain this precious mortal skin for some time yet."

That couldn't be true. There could only be one reason for his being here, on this night.

"You're lying," she said, feeling her cheek grow hot where he touched her.

"I assure you, I'm not," he replied.

"I...I don't trust..."

"Why, you wound me," he said, removing his hand and leaning back. "I've been unfailingly honest to you since we met. Besides, do you think if your soul really were about to turn at any moment to an empty shadow, that I would dally on claiming it?"

She didn't trust him, not one bit...but something in his voice told her that he was telling the truth.

It was a fever. That was all. Relief washed over her, followed, a moment later, by the strange urge to laugh. Raphael, for all his teasing and toying with her, had sought her out in their middle-of-nowhere camp simply to assure her that she wasn't about to sprout a head of tentacles.

"So, shall I wake your companions?" he asked.

"No," said Tav. Her head was still pounding, but she felt lighter. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and sleep. "No...I'll be fine. It'll pass."

"I would feel dreadful leaving you alone in this condition," he said. His voice, although retained its usual ironic quality, was somehow less mocking than it had been moments ago. "Especially on such a cold and lonely night..."

Before she could register what was happening, he had taken her firmly by the shoulders and manoeuvred her down onto the bedroll again. Lying there, weak, but calm, she listened to the sound of Raphael moving around the camp. There was the sound of logs being thrown on the fire, and an accompanying blaze of heat. The clink of a pot, the rustle of a bag. A moment later, he was lifting her head and holding a cup at her mouth.

"Drink this."

Too tired to protest, or even to ask what was in the cup, she drank. It was tea, sweet with honey. There was the slight medicinal edge of something else, but whatever it was, she was too exhausted to care. She drank the whole cup and felt a warmth spread through her insides.

"Why are you..." Tav began, trailing off as her head sank down into the pillow again. Raphael seemed to understand what she meant.

"I told you before," he said. He had moved behind her, his hand was resting on her shoulder. "My compassion is boundless. Particularly where my very favourite client is concerned."

"I'm not your client," she mumbled.

"Not yet."

There was a burst of heart and a flash of light bright enough to register even through her tightly closed eyes. A moment later, she felt something extremely warm at her back. Arms were encircling her and holding her tight. The cold, cutting winds were suddenly stopped by a large, leathery wing, draped over her like a blanket.

"The others," muttered Tav, vaguely imagining her companions emerging from their tents to this unexpected sight. "If they wake..."

"They won't."

She felt the tips of razor sharp claws trailing down her arm, raising goosebumps on her skin, although she didn't feel cold anymore. The intense infernal heart was thawing her. Every muscle was relaxing. Was this really happening, or was it some feverish dream?

She felt something around her waist; a thick, sinuous tail, tightening around her, holding her in place. If this was real, then what did it mean?

"Tell me why you..."

She drew a sharp breath, cut off mid-sentence as Raphael's claws dug into her skin. His tail lashed. He pulled her closer. Perhaps it was not the time to question the devil, not while lying in his embrace in the dead of night.

"Go to sleep, little mouse," he whispered. She closed her eyes and obeyed.

[deputygonebye]

@depictedblue asked: ❛ i need you to understand how much you mean to me. ❜

Emotionally Charged Sentence Starters.

Branches crushed underfoot - the miles taken beyond their home too many to count, farther and farther into the woods that surrounded the community of Alexandria. Out on the illusion of a mission, a search for food and supplies, an escape that was not called to by name. Shane had to get away. Freedom that was so cruelly stolen; a merciless smirk that commanded he and all the others were in debt. A whole family made to be prisoners by another, an entire group of survivors turned into slaves. A second time; Cassie had come to see her "husband" long returned to her. Negan Smith - hair as dark as midnight, eyes as soulless as the Devil, beloved bat painted in crimson. A portrait brushed by the bristles of malevolence, there was glee in the glance that passed over Cassie. A familiar stare, a look that was saved for sin and shadow, smile that was desperate for the chance to be alone, Shane couldn't bear it. Flashed his teeth as a dog would, growled and barked with honest threat; he would kill Negan if he ever touched Cassie again. Without remorse, without the space for breath, a rabid animal that lost control, all good sense.

Negan merely laughed. Almost cackled, as if the words were of sweetness rather than warning. Driven by impulse, Shane had presented a weakness, a clear sore spot, a most tender heel. As Achilles had done during the glory days of his empire, it didn't matter to Negan that Cassie belonged no more to he. A wife no longer under his possession; she was Shane's girl. Shane's love, Shane's woman, Shane's whole reason for living - the key to his heart, the vulnerability that could undo him. A weapon that could be used against Shane, when the run for supplies became an apparent need, Negan allowed both he and Cassie to go. Outside of the walls, weapons in hand and ammo full. Guard releasing his convicts - the game commenced.

Partially in truth, partially in lie, as Shane walked through the flora, he did try to find decent supplies or two. Loose cartons of bandages that had been left on the soil, molded from rain but contents inside still useable; miraculously unopened packets of peanuts that rested beside mangled corpses of the once alive. Shotgun held tight within his hands, Cassie's voice broke the silence that had come between them. He had to get them both away - a quiet sound, the gentleness of a breeze blowing through his curls. Confused at first, feet stopping their motion only to turn completely in Cassie's direction, puzzled expression relaxed once Shane saw the blue of Cassie's eyes. Wide but serious, fearful but proud; teary but confident, certain and sure.

"Best believe me, baby. I do understand." Shane reassured, hold upon his gun sent from one grasp to another, one arm and hand free to do as they pleased. Approaching Cassie, the distance between them cleared by the length of his walk, Shane captured her in an embrace, pulled her close and refused to release, beneath the shade of trees. One arm around Cassie, snug to her waist; one hand clenching a shotgun base. "Come here."

Shane whispered, into her ear, the pale shell that bloomed in delicate pink. "You're mine, you hear me? There ain't nothin' that the son-of-a-bitch could do, or say, to change that. Cassie Howard, I don't give a damn about him. I don't care what he thinks. I don't care what he believes. He ain't ever, ever gonna touch you. You don't belong to him no more. You don't belong to anyone. I know how you feel about me. I know, because it's the same exact way I feel about you."

From ear to lip, Shane pressed his mouth to Cassie's, claimed her in soft affection, a light and tender kiss. None too rough but so resolute, unwavering in true-love passion.

"You don't have to say it. Not until you're ready to." Shane said, breathless and so full of bliss. "But it's as I've said before, darlin'. I love you. I'm always gonna love you. Negan... that piece of garbage don't mean nothin'. Don't you let him get in your head. Hey. Look at me, baby. I won't let him hurt you again. I'm gonna keep you safe. Always gonna protect my Cassie. Always. Until the day I can't. No more tears, okay? No more tears, not over somebody like him. Let's look a little more, see if we can find any scraps. Then we'll go back home, alright? I'll take you right home, baby. Just you and me."

[nahoyas-nymph]

BURNING HOUSE

Summary: The reader and their best friend Itsuki have a very toxic relationship; a relationship Kakucho recognises as similar to his and Izana’s.

Content Warning: Dark Content - Alcoholic Father - Trauma - Implied Abuse - Guns - Murder - Blood - Death - Manipulation

BURNING HOUSE

They say that when you’re born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire.

Most people think this would make you stronger. If it doesn’t kill you, that is. After all, eventually, you must’ve developed a resistance to fire.

And, in a way, they’re right. The metaphorical burning house in question taught you many things. It taught you to never let your guard down. It taught you 3 different ways to break someone’s arm. It taught you why you should always carry a weapon, especially if ‘home is just a 10-minute walk away’.

But the one thing it never taught you, was how the aforementioned quote really ended.

And that was your greatest weakness. You were naive. But for good reason. Your whole life you had been used and abused. It was the stranger at the party who spiked your drink. You don’t remember what happened, and you don’t want to, but you woke up in his bed the next morning. It was the ex who leaked your nudes around the school after you left them when you found out they cheated. It was the alcoholic father who would often gamble away his paycheck then return home without a cent to his name only to take out his frustrations on you. It was everyone. Everyone except him. At least, that’s what you thought.

Almost every person you let into your life had hurt you. Leaving you an empty, soulless, shell of the person you used to be. You were growing tired of people walking all over you, but you weren’t used to it. No, it hurt every single time. And it created this inescapable pain that was just constantly there. It was like a curse that you didn’t know how to break.

But Itsuki did. Itsuki always knew exactly what advice to give you whenever you needed it. Although the morality of his advice was usually a grey area. But you didn’t mind. You never put too much thought into it. After all, it was only fair. Because it was everyone who hurt you. So everyone would pay.

It was that mindset that made you the perfect vessel for Itsuki to mould into his own personal weapon. At first, he started small. Asking you to steal a packet of chips for him every now and again. Then later he started asking you to beat people up for him, giving you flimsy excuses as to why they deserved it. Soon you became the perfect weapon, doing whatever he told you with no questions asked. Of course, he never phrased his requests as commands. It was always just friendly advice.

“Itsuki?”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know how much longer I can deal with my dad’s drinking, but I don’t know how to get him to stop. What should I do?”

“People like him need to learn the hard way. Teach him a lesson he won’t forget. Next time he comes home drunk, spill a few cans of his beer on the floor, then light a candle. If the candle doesn’t ignite the beer just use a lighter or something. But when he sees the fire, he’ll think he caused it by drunkenly spilling his beer near a candle. Trust me, he’ll never want to drink again after that.”

And you did trust him. Because his plans always worked. Since you followed his advice, your dad had never come home drunk again. Mostly because there was no longer a home to come home to. You overestimated how much beer you would need and, within seconds, the house was engulfed in flames. You had the scar on your arm to prove it.

It was after you told Itsuki you were homeless that he suggested you join the gang he was a part of, Bonten. He said something about great benefits including a safe place to stay and generous compensation for the jobs you would have to do for them.

All this was almost two years ago.

Today you were sitting on the back of Itsuki’s motorbike. You were on your way to visit your leader, Sano Manjiro. Although the reason for your visit was a bit strange.

You were going to kill him.

You didn’t question Itsuki when he asked you to do this with him. You had spent so long listening to whatever he said that you mindlessly said yes before even registering what he had asked. In fact, you were so used to obeying his every ask, that you usually wouldn’t even register what you were doing until after it was done.

And today was no different. You didn’t know why Itsuki wanted to kill his leader, nor did you care. Besides, he probably had a good reason, he always does.

Sano was a difficult person to kill, to say the least. Many that were more skilled than you had tried and failed. For starters, he was almost impossible to find unless he wanted you to find him. Bonten owned 8 multi-story buildings all over Tokyo which they used as their main headquarters. Sano had a place of residence on the top floor of each building. No one, except his executives, knew where he would be staying at any time.

But Itsuki was prepared. Being a part of Bonten himself gave him an advantage. He had spent months following Sano’s movements, finding patterns, sourcing intel on where he would be next. And after eight months of planning, today was the first day you and Itsuki had a chance. Manjiro would be staying at Bonten hideout number three. Five of the seven executives were out of town with their own missions. The other two probably had better things to do. Leaving Sano alone, and since it was 4 in the morning, hopefully asleep.

The ride to hideout number three was silent. That’s how it always was when you and Itsuki were on missions. He would be lost in thought mentally going over the plan. Your mind, however, was entirely empty. Not a single thought went through it. Itsuki loved this about you. You were his subservient little disciple. That’s what made you two such a good pair, you always let Itsuki do the thinking for you.

The two of you casually made your way into the building. It was quiet. All the people who would’ve been working had all gone home. The doors were all locked and the lights were off. This would’ve been a problem but between you and Itsuki, you had enough access codes to make it to the top floor. Itsuki stood watch by the door to the boss’s apartment. Giving you a chance to remove the bobby pin from your hair and fashion it into a makeshift key to pick the lock. Such an important person having such weak security would’ve been a red flag for any other person attempting to break in. But you weren’t thinking, your mind was still empty. Because it was easier that way. It was easier not to think about what you were about to do.

Both you and Itsuki silently readied your guns. You opened the door as quietly as possible to prevent any excess noise that could potentially wake up the Bonten leader before you had the chance to put a bullet in his head.

As the door swung open, Itsuki noticed the lights were still on. Which was strange but it was entirely possible that Manjiro had simply forgotten to turn them off before bed. In any case, Itsuki chose to play his cards safe, letting you go in before him. You both quietly tiptoed around the room, trying to locate which room Manjiro could be sleeping in. But your snooping was cut short, as you both noticed the dark blue head of hair peeking out from on the couch. The hair was likely attached to someone slouching comfortably on the couch in front of you. But Itsuki’s heart dropped when he realised:

Manjiro’s hair is white.

You were still calm, almost ignoring the person on your couch since he wasn’t part of the mission. You were too focused on what Itsuki had requested of you to even think about the fact that your plan had been compromised.

Growing impatient with the two intruders, the man on the couch decided to speak. Not yet turning around to identify the traitors

“You can give up now. He’s not here.”

Both you and Itsuki remained silent. Itsuki stupidly hoped that if he was quiet enough, he wouldn’t get caught. You, however, weren’t hoping for anything. Your hopes and dreams had died long ago. The prolonged silence prompted the man to continue his speech.

“Did you really think you could outsmart the boss? He’s known about your plan since the beginning. We could’ve killed you months ago but he thought it would be more entertaining to let you get your hopes up first. To let you think that you’ve won. And only once you realised that all those months of planning were in vain would you be killed. So how does it feel? You put all this time and effort into betraying Bonten, you tried to assassinate our leader. But after all that, he didn’t even show up. You weren’t even worth his time, so he sent one of his executives to do the job for him.”

Itsuki was shaking. The man on the couch spoke slowly and calmly, a habit he likely picked up from Manjiro himself. It was effective when you wanted to scare someone. Itsuki was about to shit his pants. You, however, were still as unresponsive as ever.

“If it makes you feel any better, it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been one of the Haitani’s sitting here instead of me. Or worse still, you could’ve gotten Sanzu. I pity anyone who’s been on the wrong side of his wrath.”

The man on the couch chuckled to himself at the thought of what Sanzu would do if he was the one sitting here.

“But you got lucky, you got me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to kill you. But I’m not interested in dragging this out. Your deaths will be quick and painless.”

It was at this point the man on the couch picked up the gun from the coffee table opposite him and cocked it. He finally turned to face the two traitors who had plotted to kill Manjiro. He looked even more intimidating than before.

He had a massive scar that extended from the top of his head, through his eye and down the side of his face. This man had, no doubt, seen things. And he was definitely not playing around. You and Itsuki were such low-level members of Bonten that you’d never even been in the same room as any of the executives. And despite this one insisting that he’s more merciful than his colleagues, it was obvious that he was the real deal.

“I’d ask you to move into the bathroom so clean up would be quicker, but I doubt you want to make this easy for me.”

Itsuki was completely frozen, he was too scared to move. Your eyes were trained on the scene unfolding in front of you, but your brain wasn’t processing any of the information. Despite the situation you were in, your only focus was still killing Manjiro.

“So, any last words?”

The man on the couch waited for a response. But he was met with only silence. He couldn’t help but notice the two of you were silent for different reasons. Itsuki was clearly scared shitless. But you didn’t seem to be feeling anything at all.

The man on the couch had had enough of stalling. He aimed the gun at Itsuki’s head and pulled the trigger. It was surprisingly underwhelming. The gun had a silencer on so there was no loud bang. The man had impeccable aim so Itsuki died quickly and painlessly, just like he’d promised.

Itsuki’s body hit the floor, causing you to look over at him. There was a small hole in the centre of his forehead. And the pool of blood it created was slowly increasing in diameter. The man noticed your lack of response to the corpse of your so-called ‘best friend’. You felt nothing. You’d unconsciously blocked out all your thoughts and feelings years ago. You lived on autopilot, only really listening to the ‘advice’ Itsuki used to give you.

“Aren’t you scared? Or angry at least? Do you think I’m not gonna kill you or something?”

You just shrugged, still not giving much thought to what the man was saying. Nor giving any thought to your dead friend on the floor. You still hadn’t been shot yet, so you began walking around the apartment, searching for clues of where Manjiro might have gone. This made the man even more confused.

“Are you seriously fucking looking for Mikey right now? I just shot your friend! Do you really not care at all? I should shoot you right now.”

He was right. He should’ve shot you. But he didn’t.

After doing a round of the apartment, you walked up to him and sat on the couch beside him. Not realising the insanity of your actions. The man on the couch was still confused, but now he was more intrigued. It was then that you finally spoke.

“Do you know where Manjiro is?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Can you tell me?”

“What?”

“I’m looking for him, can you tell me where he is?”

“Were you even listening? It’s over. You’re not killing Mikey.”

The man was baffled by the way you so calmly asked him to sell out his leader as if he didn’t just murder your friend. Did you really expect him to just tell you where Manjiro was? The man mumbled to himself something along the lines of ‘what am I doing?’ before setting his gun back down on the coffee table.

“What’s your name?”

You didn’t respond.

“Do you know who I am?”

More silence.

“My name is Kakucho.”

He waited for you to reply with your own name, but no luck. You just looked at him blankly. He couldn’t work out if you were stupid, or if you were doing this on purpose. Or maybe there was another reason?

“Why do you want to kill Mikey anyway? You a double agent or something?”

You didn’t respond verbally, but you looked over to Itsuki as the blood continued to pour out of him.

“He put you up to this? Why?”

You shrugged, you didn’t know why. It didn’t matter to you. Kakucho was analysing your face. You didn’t look smug like you would’ve if you were just messing with him. You didn’t look like you were hiding anything either. You just looked… empty.

It was a look he recognised. Because it was the same look he had engraved on his face when his parents died. Memories of that event flooded his mind. For months he had the same lifeless look on his face. He would mindlessly make sculptures in the dirt, and when asked what he was doing he would reply with, ‘I’m building my parents grave’.

It was only after he met Izana that he managed to revive his repressed emotions. He’d follow Izana in everything, doing whatever he asked. Kakucho put two and two together pretty quickly and realised the relationship he had with Izana was likely the relationship you had with the body on the floor.

Kakucho immediately felt guilty, remembering the scene that unfolded when Izana was shot and killed. He remembered how he wanted to die with his friend, but fate willed him to survive. He remembered how even though Izana would literally refer to him as his servant, his time with Izana were some of his fondest memories.

But Kakucho shook away those thoughts, silently cursing himself for being the only executive that can’t kill their targets without getting sentimental. No matter how he felt, he had a job to do. And as much as he saw himself in the person sitting in front of him, he knew that when he was in their shoes, all he wanted was to die with his best friend.

Kakucho grabbed the gun off the coffee table, fiddling with it as he took a deep breath. It felt as though he had been given an opportunity to meet face to face with his past self. He thought about what he would’ve wanted to say to himself, all those years ago.

“Look, I know I don’t know you or anything but I think I get how you feel. You have all these repressed emotions trapped inside of you, yeah? But you didn’t mean for this to happen. Deep down you were a good person. But that person is gone now. Your whole life was probably shit. So you put all your trust into one person who you thought could fix everything. You blindly followed them, effectively letting them think for you, hoping that someday, everything would be okay. But deep down, you can’t shake this feeling of being trapped. Because for some reason everything still seems to be going wrong and it feels like you’re on fire. Kinda like you’re trapped in a burning house. I wish someone would have told me that, eventually, it’ll get better. Because when you spend your whole life in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it’s not.”

As Kakucho mentioned the burning house, it triggered a response in your brain. Images of your own childhood home being engulfed in flames came to mind. Suddenly the fog in your brain cleared and a million thoughts raced through your mind.

You remembered the scar on your arm and compared it to the one on Kakucho’s face. You wondered why you felt so connected to this stranger, you felt as if you could relate to him even though you knew nothing about him. His words slowly registered in your mind. ‘Deep down you were a good person. But that person is gone now.’ He was right. In your head, memories of your early childhood flashed through your mind. Memories that you had long forgotten. Memories of when you used to go to parties and actually enjoy yourself. Memories of before your ex cheated on you and you were happy together. Memories of you going hiking with your father before he became an alcoholic. You realised that before all the heartache and pain, you were happy. You were a good person. You did good things. So when did it go so wrong?

And suddenly your brain had finished cycling through all your happy memories. Now you were reminded of the time you first stole a bag of chips from the supermarket. The time you beat up some kids you didn’t even know. The time you burned down your own house. Then finally, the time you broke into the apartment of the biggest crime boss in Japan. As you began to mentally retrace the steps you had taken in the last ten minutes, you realised time felt slower than normal. And you seemed to be experiencing these memories in chronological order. That when it hit you, your life was flashing before your eyes.

You tried to open your mouth to speak, really speak. Not just articulate whatever mindless thoughts happened to spurt from your brain. Because you felt like yourself again for the first time in years. You wanted to say thank you. But it was too late. What you felt next could only be described as molten lava being poured through your brain. Your vision immediately went blurry, you only heard the muffled bang of Kakucho’s shotgun before your hearing gave out as well.

As you slowly started to lose consciousness, you felt Kakucho pick you up. When he put you down a few moments later, you felt a cold hand being intertwined with yours. You didn’t have to be able to see to tell who this hand belonged to. The last thing you felt was two fingers closing your eyelids. Then your mind went blank. Every thought you were having had been halted. It was a feeling you were used to. Some might say that meant you had experienced death long before you actually died. Except this time it was different. This time you would never have another thought again.

A/N:

another repost :)

originally i wasn't gonna bother reposting this cause i didn't think it was that great

i would've just deleted it along with my old account if it wasn't for the amazing @rozcdust for changing my mind

it literally made a whole ass presentation about why this one-shot isn't trash 💀

and credit to @eriskaitto for being the one who originally gave me this beautiful request

[atlasshrugd]

I understand that buffy was very cruel to spike in season 6 when he was trying to do good, making him revert back to meeting her where she was (in the dark) because it was easier to reach her there. But I don’t think we should conflate this with feeling like Spike was the victim here.

A lot of fans have an issue with how Buffy treated Spike and talk about how sorry they were for Spike, which I’m not disregarding. But I do have an issue with people regarding Spike as the victim in their relationship.

You have to understand what Buffy was dealing with at the time. She was dealing with a deep depression of not wanting to be alive, being brought back from heaven against her will. She wasn’t rational and would do anything to feel something again. Spike knew this and took advantage of her confusion and weakness at this time because he knew that deep down she wanted him too. He knew she just wanted to feel something from the start. In OMWF, she sings “I just want to feel” before they kiss. It’s not like she didn’t make her reasons for doing it clear. Spike knew this, yet grows disillusioned with this reality when he realises that those feelings of desperation and loneliness cannot evolve into love and need for him. He loves her, but she can’t love him. She tells him this many times, but he keeps insisting that no, it’s deeper than that, you are just lying to yourself. Ultimately, this causes Buffy to lash out at him because he is everything she hates, yet she can’t deny her need for him (which is, her need to feel). Spike keeps conflating that need for love, and grows so frustrated at her unrequited feelings that he is pushed to cruelty and violence.

There is no denying that Spike wants to be good for Buffy, but that desire is like a pipe dream. He tries to do good, be kind, and has genuine tenderness towards her. But that kindness can quickly twist into resentment (one, because soulless vampires can’t feel pure love), because Buffy is turning him into the very thing he hates. Something against his nature. His unnatural feelings for the slayer alone torture him, but to have those feelings constantly denied by her tears him up more, because if he is giving all of himself to her, he might as well have all of her in return. Instead, he gets the shameful part of her. For a while, he takes what he can get, but eventually being regarded as the fractured, shameful part of Buffy’s psyche that she can only half-indulge in takes a toll on him, and he starts to question why he is doing it all in the first place.

People also tend to forget that a vampire without a soul IS pretty much a demon with the past-human characteristics. Soulless things cannot feel the whole range of human emotions, like guilt, remorse, empathy, or love. They can, perhaps, feel shadows of those things. Spike is the most human of all the vampires. He does feel guilt and remorse and love. But those feelings, while to him so poignant, are only remnants of true emotions. And if he feels the intensity of them, it is usually for a self-serving reason. That does not mean he can’t do good and selfless things, because he occasionally does. But his love for Buffy is selfish in nature. He sees her as unconquerable, and if she loves him back, then she will be conquered. They will both be conquered by each other, the very mirror of what they both hate.

He does good things and helps her in fights to win Buffy’s favour. He helps the scoobies for her. But people tend to forget that the only reason Spike was a good guy in season 5 and 6 was because he had the chip in his head. He was forced to ally with Buffy and the scoobies and kill demons. That doesn’t make him a good guy. Like Buffy said, he’s like a serial killer in prison. And in s6, when he thought the chip had stopped working, he immediately goes and finds an innocent girl to bite. This obviously proves that he hasn’t changed. He just wasn’t enabled. How did he expect Buffy to love him when he would still kill innocents? That goes against everything she exists for. And when he finds out he can only hurt Buffy, he doesn’t hesitate to hurt her, until she turns it into sex.

So yes, while I do feel sorry for Spike at times, in no way is he a victim and in no way Buffy is the abuser. They both abuse each other, yes, because it is a codependent toxic relationship, but Spike without a soul is still inherently evil. How can you expect Buffy to treat him nicely when he is constantly taking advantage of her weakened state, drawing her into the shadows, and claiming that she feels things she doesn’t feel? She knows what a soulless vampire is, because of Angelus. She is disgusted with herself. She doesn’t believe Spike’s feelings because she knows that soulless vampires can’t love like that. She knows he is using her just as she is using him. She knows that he would be off biting innocents if he didn’t have the chip. How is that something she can love? When he shows great loyalty, like withstanding Glory’s torture, she acknowledges it with gratitude. He can be good. But she can’t trust in that humanity all the time. He is a wild card. He does good things as much as he does evil things. She can’t trust him enough to love him, as she says in seeing red.

There are a few times when Buffy went completely overboard in her mistreatment of Spike, which she mentions briefly in conversations with dead people. I’m not denying that and I’m not saying he deserves it. There was also that time when Buffy was invisible and she basically coerced him to have sex with her, even when Spike was telling her to leave because “If I can’t have all of you...” This is Buffy being selfish and crossing the line. There are things she’s said to him that are completely uncalled for, such as ‘you’re not a man, you’re a thing. An evil, disgusting thing.’ In that moment when she was beating Spike up, she was beating herself up. She knew she came back wrong and wasn’t even fully human anymore. She was abusing herself by abusing Spike, because he is the unclaimed part of her she doesn’t want to accept.

Anyway, this spiralled out of control, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out. The bottom line is Spike is not the victim in their relationship. They are both victims and have both abused. Spike sympathisers often villainize Buffy in their ‘poor spike!’ narrative, but it’s not as simple as that. Soulless Spike did not deserve to be loved. Buffy was wrong a lot, and she also had her reasons. Spike loved Buffy, but couldn’t love her in the way she needed and deserved.

However, a lot of their relationship fluctuations happened because of the different writers. Some episodes, their relationship seemed to mellow and grow, being based on understanding and care. Other episodes, Buffy would revert to being mean and in denial and Spike would revert to being vindictive and blaming Buffy. I think if they had steady writers who understood both Spike and Buffy’s journeys, then their relationship would have been more consistent and less messy.

[babbling-idiot]

Aro Volturi x reader

A New Family

Requested: “Can i request an Aro Volturi fuc where Bella's younger sister goes to italy with her and he is fascinated with the younger sister that he flirts with her but she acts shy?” -By Anon

Warning: Fluff

(Hi! I hope you like this. I know it took me a little bit but I finally got done. I hope you like it!) (Edit: The bolded and italicized words are translation to the Italian.)

*****

When you had been told by Alice that Bella was going to Italy. The first thing that popped into your mind, was Edward. Only he would go all the way over there for a dumb reason. Especially to get himself killed. So, when Bella came to you before going to the airport, asking you to go as well. You were very hesitant. She knew you were the shy type. And traveling was not one of your favorite things to do. You only said yes, because the sheer worry that you could see in her eyes made you give in. You were only younger then her by a year, but that didn't change the fact that she was your sister and you were always there for her. You always stuck with her, even when you found out her boyfriend was a damn vampire. It shocked you and yet, you bonded quickly with some of them.

The plane ride to Italy was relatively smooth. Despite the sound of crying children and that one kid that likes to kick the back of your seat. It was nice. When you landed Alice was off to find a rental car. When she came back and picked you both up you were all off. It felt like it didn't take any time to get to your destination. When you came across all the roads being blocked due to the festivity of a celebration. You all jumped out. Bella was the only thing you were focused on and all the people you were practically pushing out of your way were the least of your worries. You saw her run toward a fountain. And quite literally jump inside. You looked past her and saw Edward, about to reveal himself to humans. You had known them long enough to know that you knew that showing themselves was against the rules in the vampire world. Your eyes widened when you saw Bella almost tackle him to the ground. When you and Alice both saw this you all moved inside.

Not long after, this girl that looked no older than eighteen, came in. She told you and the others to follow her. Edward looked back at you and the the look in his eyes made you nervous. He looked like a child that had just got caught doing something they shouldn't. As you all follow, you couldn't shake this feeling. The dreadful feeling that something bad was about to happen. It didn't help knowing that two other vampires were right behind you. Just then you all come up to these two large doors. Jane just simply opens them and steps inside. When you all got inside and the doors closed behind you the first thing you laid your eyes on were the three men sitting in the three large chairs in the middle of the room. Jane did mention how they were expecting us. Then one stepped forward. He looked to be the leader amongst the three men. He was very intimidating. You kept your eyes on him almost the entire time. Time past relatively fast. Before you could make out what they were talking about he looked at you. His red eyes pierced yours and almost immediately you felt like you should cave in on yourself. You wanted to disappear from his gaze. But God, you'd be lying if you didn't think he was attractive. He made your stomach flip. You wanted to talk to him, to say anything to him, but you didn't. He tilted his head at you and walked over slowly. He gets close and you feel a cold wave hit you. A chill went up your spine and you averted your gaze. "Look at me, mortale." (Mortal) He says watching as you slowly look up to him. When you do he flashes you a smile. For some reason this makes you weak at the knees. But you stand tall. He tilts his head at you and holds out his hand. He nods his head at you and you look over at Alice. She nods her head as well and you slowly and hesitantly put your hand in his. He seems to look into nothingness as he closes both hands over your small one. He looks as if he's looking for something. He then stops and looks at you, smiling. "The younger sister of Bella. Much more smart and less stubbornness. But yet, you fear me. What is your name?" You swallow down your nervousness and lift your head up. "Y/n." He mouths and 'Ahh' and looks to Alice. "I thank you for bringing yet another snack. We'll enjoy them." Alice says nothing and Aro finally moves back to his chair. When he does that's when things go wrong. Someone grabbed Alice as well as you and held you in place while another vampire fought Edward. You see Bella freaking out. Then suddenly she stops them "Kill me! Kill me. Not him." She says shaking her head frantically. Aro walks over looking at her curiously. "How extraordinary. You'd give up your life, for someone like us, a vampire. A soulless monster." You knew where this was going. Bella loves Edward so much that even you knew this would happen. You watched and tried to get out of the man's hold. Knowing full well, you wouldn't be able to watch this man kill your sister. He goes forward quickly. About to bite her until Alice interrupts. You sigh out in relief. "Wait. Bella will be one of us. I've seen it. I'll change her myself." She's then let go and as she walks forward she takes her glove off. Giving aro her hand. He takes it and looks into her thoughts. As he's looking he seems to see something that astonished him. He lets go of her hand and looks to you for a moment. He looks back "I see. Very well. Go now to make preparations. And if the other things you showed me is true." He then smiles and claps his hands in excitement "L'amore è davvero una cosa meravigliosa, non è vero?" (Love is really a wonderful thing, isn't it?) He then looks to you and walks closer. When he's only a foot away he reaches a hand out and cups your cheek with his cold hand. "Spero che diventi realtà, mia cara." (I hope it becomes reality, my dear.) You looked into his eyes and saw something. He looked like he was in love. The thought of this man in front you falling for you. Made your heart beat ten times faster. He looked into your eyes with pure adoration. He leaned closer and right before he could do what you hoped he would Bella interrupted "We can leave now?" He didn't pull away when she said this but merely smiled. He leaned closer to the right side of you head and whisper so only you could hear "Torna presto da me, amore mio." (Come back to me soon, my love.) You didn't understand his words, but somehow they made you shiver. And as he was pulling away he left a kiss on your cheek. Making you blush madly. He smiled when he saw this and began to walk back to his chair. Both Alice, Edward, and Bella looked at you signaling that it was time to go. You looked at him as you were beginning to walk away and saw him smiling at you. You turned around and walked out with your hand touching your cheek. You could still feel the kiss on your cheek when you were in the car ride to the airport.

*****

(Hello, so I hope you liked this fic, if you did any kind of feedback would be appreciated. I hope you have an amazing day/night and stay safe out there in the world!)

[h50europe]

Why the myth about Steve's PTSD doesn't add up and other inconsistencies

In the last few episodes of H50, PL tried to sell us a mentally broken Steve suffering from PTSD. Only the whole thing came a bit too late. The clip you see is from season 4 and ended up - no, not in the series - but somewhere on the floor of PL's editing room. And why? after Kurtzman and Orci departed, along with their writers, PL took the helm and started turning Steve into a super-soldier. He stylized him into something that wasn't meant to be. Instead of developing the characters, PL began to incorporate more and more hair-raising action sequences into the series and then let Steve fight on the front lines. There was no mention of Steve's mental state, and a lot was explained by PL with: it just happened "offscreen." Yeah, sure. PL can't create a decent character. He can only produce stereotypes and one-dimensional beings. Like Adam. What potential would that character have had had he been turned into Five-0's antagonist? But no. So his role remained diffuse and monotonous. Sometimes even tragicomical.

Back to Steve. When SEAL Team started on CBS, PL also lapsed into SEAL mania. If someone who writes fanfiction were to produce as much garbage as this man did, he would be chased away from every writers' platform in disgrace. PL's Super SEAL also had to rescue his team members from a blazing inferno. Not man by man, no, he flew a helicopter right into the danger zone and lifted a whole cabin out of the burning jungle. If lunacy had a name, it would be PL. While the action became more and more exaggerated and unrealistic, the same happened to the protagonists. After the departure of Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park, PL completely lost his mind. And please, don't blame the writers for the nonsense that was thrown at you. A series stands and falls with the showrunner. He dictates what he wants and passes it on to his staff.

And so, lovable Steve became a soulless robot who only showed feelings here and there. Danny diminished more and more into a sidekick. McDanno became a ship that drifted anchorless through a stormy sea and threatened to capsize again and again. From season 8, it became a reboot of the reboot. PL tried an ensemble show and failed more than miserably. Often the actors just stood around bored. At least that was the impression. The only highlight was episode 8.10. A feast for all McDanno fans. But even here, the outcome of "who shot Danny" was more than insubstantial.

Wait, there was something about SEALs... Oh, yes. Junior appeared on the scene and became Steve's lapdog. I really wondered when there was going to be an episode where he would fetch sticks for Steve. Luckily we had Eddie for that. And because he thought he was so clever, PL invented the episode speed dating. How many subplots can you squeeze into one episode at the same time? In some episodes, you couldn't even take a look at the bag of potato chips without losing the thread.

The case of the week became the yawn of the week. There were so many loose ends that PL then came up with something called retconning. That's what you do when you're no longer satisfied with what was once established in the series years ago, or it no longer fits. But PL went one step further and did the same with the characters. The more the series was dragged out, the more the characters deteriorated and became OOC. It means, often, they were not recognizable at all. And that's where we come to Steve. Because PL, in his desperation, didn't know what else he could do to Steve, and so he killed Joe White. He did it in such a cheesy way with a fake sunset that it made you sick.

Of course, one episode later, there had to be another gig of PL's favorite Barbie. He stuck a fake beard on poor Steve/Alex, so he couldn't even hug Danny/Scott properly. The episode also raised more questions than it answered any. And Steve? He still didn't suffer from PTSD, even though he had now lost Joe White and a fellow SEAL. Everyone is dropping like flies, except for Steve, who is standing like a rock. No matter what. He doesn't need in-depth talks with Danny, nor psychological care, nor any sleeping pills. No, he's doing great. He also opens a restaurant with Danny because apparently, the carguments are already getting on PL's nerves. Unfortunately, this plot device leads into nirvana. The idea was nice, but nobody thought it through to the end. And the merry-go-round continues. Until we get to season 10, where it gets even more absurd. Now PL is almost bombarding us with McDanno episodes, or at least it should seem that way. Oh well, he's already planning for season 11, so a new character has to come on board quickly. While in the beginning, Steve's mother, Doris, dies.

Alex was allowed to take on the subject. Of course, only under the strict eyes of PL. He then nullifies Alex's idea that Steve kills his mother. Because a good soldier and Super SEAL won't do that. Little does PL know. THAT could have been the opening of a PTSD scenario for Steve. However, apart from that, this episode would have had any potential for a multi-arc. Just imagine Steve chasing his mother across multiple episodes. Again, PL stepped in and butchered Alex's episode. You can really feel sorry for the guy. PL at his best or worse? He just can't help it. And then, on the very last meters of the series, he brings someone new, who is allowed to cruise around with Steve most of the time. Because Danny was kidnapped by Wo Fat's widow, PL also invented quite late to have some villain at his disposal. This wannabe mastermind must really have been living under a rock somewhere if she wasn't even mentioned by her husband or appeared earlier.

Because towards the end, PL obviously ran out not only of steam but also of ideas, everything culminated in a wildly illogical scenario. Steve has to live through a dramatic day with Eddie, who stands as a metaphor for Steve (as I said, PTSD was never a thing for Super SEAL), Danny bangs his brains out in a ladies' room with a complete stranger, who dies shortly after that in an accident with Danny's rental car. Apparently, there was no budget to turn the Camaro into scrap metal. Danny then also goes home alone, ignoring the incoming emergency vehicles. Everything remains open at the end of the episode. While Steve expresses his gratitude to Tani and Quinn and says, he would be just as lost as poor Eddie without the dog and all of them. The strange thing is that you never notice anything until that sentence. A few forced dialogues are supposed to make the drama visible, but they all happen way too late or are so poorly written that you miss them.

PL had decided early on to make Steve a Teflon hero. That also means he didn't need to put much substance into the character. Which you can clearly see if you compare the first three seasons to the rest of the series. But towards the end, PL wanted to turn the tide and forcefully rewrote Steve's past. There is a huge difference if you compare Steve from seasons 1 to 3 with Steve from season 10. It is only a sparse remnant of what made this character so great. This change in Steve's personality also affects his relationship with Danny. The witty, affectionate banter degenerates into a snappy, humorless bitch-fest that takes all the joy out of it.

The final two episodes could have been written for any other crime show. As mentioned, we have Cole, who even gets a book'em Cole from Steve, which can only be described as out of line. And it begs the question, was that what Lenkov originally had in mind? Danny out of the show and Cole in? Was the last episode, which mainly featured McCole, something of a test run? Did all the McDanno moments happen only to tear the two apart eventually? Was the real final scene the one where Steve and Catherine take Danny's coffin back to Jersey? Was Danny not supposed to survive? Was that the real reason Steve wanted to get out of Hawaii because he wanted to pay his respects to Danny? And would he really have returned to Hawaii later? Or would he have turned his back on Hawaii? To me, this ending is more plausible than what PL served us. Then, Steve handed over his credentials to Cole instead of Danny, his second in command. Honestly, you can't make the end of a series any more sloppy and dumber than that. And I won't even lose a word about the last 1:30 minutes because I think everything has already been said.

No PL, mission absolutely not accomplished. You created Teflon-Steve. You never wanted him to show any weakness. You turned him into a superhuman who can survive anything. Only to pull the rug out from under him on the last few meters to the finish line and spit on his legacy. How can you dismantle such a great series and its characters like you did? How much do you have to hate something to do that? In the final interviews, the showrunner didn't exactly cover himself in glory either. Everyone who grew up with the series from day one knows that its end was wrong on all the possible levels and that the showrunner is solely to blame for that. It takes a fair amount of egoism and carelessness to drive 10 years at full throttle against the wall. Not many people can do that. Whether you can be proud of that, however, I doubt.

My respect if you have made it this far. Each of you gets 10 extra brownie points for it.

[rachetmath]

Favorite (Characters)

Ruby: *barges in* RatchetMath!

Me: What is it Ruby?

Ruby: You’re showing favoritism.

Me: Okay. And?

Ruby: You need to stop. Why not draw us for once?

Me: Hm, maybe because I like Jaune more. Hell I like Penny and Neo more than you or your team.

Ruby: Why?!

Me: Because your team is horrible.

Ruby: So is team JNPR!

Me: Yeah, but only because they have to follow you. They have some individuality but we don’t explore that as much. Plus, your team would be dead without them. But you know what Ruby, I would rather draw Yang, Blake or any other character except Weiss than you right now.

Ruby: What?! But I’m-

Me: The main character that barely does main character things. Woman, Salem was in Atlas! Why was she not your top priority? Why was James your problem?

Ruby: Um well…

Me: Ruby, she knows your mother! She might know what happened to her! I get Yang was some levels your mom but shouldn’t learning what happened to your actual mom be just as important? Especially after that dark memory.

Ruby: That is true.

Me: You have silver eyes but you still don’t know how to use them. There was army of grimm around Mantle and that would have been good practice. And a better solution than Ren.

Ruby: But then I be overpowered.

Me: No. Ruby your silver eyes only work on one person. If someone sneaks up on you or doesn’t care about that light you give off then, you’re dead. Maria is proof on that.

Ruby: Um..

Me: Plus, the question that everyone in the audience could have an answer to is whether your silver eyes can even work on Salem. In all honesty, it proves the writer don’t keep track of the characters and their personalities to where they fit together in story. You know what I have been making skits, trying to be funny but… the jokes died. Look guys I-I’m sorry but… let me explain.

1. Ruby and Blake should have stayed in Mantle. Why?

1. Salem is the main villian. She knows Ruby’s mother. You know the same mother who left for a mission and didn’t come back. The same mother, who Ruby knows nothing about while everyone seems to have different perspectives of her. Or has a better clue on who she is, than Ruby herself. Plus wasn’t Salem after her too? She basically would be killing two birds with one stone by kidnapping Oscar and giving Ruby a reason to see her. That way Ruby isn’t assuming what happened to her mother. Let Salem antagonize Ruby. (Question: Can silver eyes work on Salem?)

2. Perfect training for silver eyes. Let’s face it, Ren proved to us he can mask a bunch of people without Jaune’s help. All he needed was concentration. However, Ruby is more effective because silver eyes seem to be able to destroy multiple grimm on sight. And with lives on the line that gives Ruby plenty of reason to start using them.

3. Ren calling Ruby out on her issues. Look I loved how Ren was willing to tell the truth, but him revealing Jaune cheated Beacon was… weak. Reason being it relates to Jaune’s character and Ren still follows Jaune’s orders. However, Ruby, who is supposed to be a prodigy because she came to Beacon two years ahead of her class, has not proven once that she is worthy of such praise. The only reason-The ONLY reason Ruby was enrolled into Beacon was her silver eyes. Ruby even in volume one has been nothing but liability. Initiations, she almost dies from a Stinger. Stake out, she almost got run over by a truck and it ended in failure. First mission, she gets kidnapped and almost destroyed a city block. Roman, a man with no semblance or aura continues to beat her four times in a row. And it gets worse. Ruby almost got her uncle killed. She was the first to get knocked out by Emerald. Almost dies by a robot and Godzilla. And the moment she arrived in Atlas her first move was to lie to James. She didn’t even try to stop Tyrian when she saw him. She had her gun with her too. Ren is not her sister, he might as well tell her the facts so she can do better.

4.  Blake is Faunus. Mantle hates faunuses. Why not have Blake help them to prove faunuses are people too? Let Blake represent her people. I mean Velvet and Sun represent faunses more than she does her whole existence. Blake also can relate to Ren’s problem. How? Blake was a part of the White Fang, so there were expectations she had to fulfill. Especially when trying to measure up to Adam. However, she explains the longer she was in the White Fang, the more she found out how messed up and extremely bias it was. Including with Adam to the point she decided to leave. She even states she was lucky that Yang even forgave her after all the trouble she caused her. Blake challenged her bias nature, and it made her stronger for it. Blake would be basically telling Ren the more he tries to live up to someone else’s expectations, without seeing their flaws, the more he loses touch with himself and everyone around him.

5.  Oscar shouldn’t have been able break out of Salem on his own: I’m sorry but… Oscar got beat up. Took a magic beam to the chest. Had to switch between him and Ozpin and mind you he had no aura to help him. He should be tired and unable to move. (In my opinion, this kid was given too much screen time. At first I was worried about him but now I’m wondering why was I worrying at all.)

2. Jaune and Yang should have gone to Atlas.

1. Penny is basically Pyrrha in the opposite light. Penny’s special because she’s a robot with a soul, a mind of her own and an attitude to prove it. She is just as human as everyone else, but no one seems to treat her as such. James only sees her as something of a weapon. Pietro treats her like child even though she’s more mature than the rest of the female cast, except Maria. And now with maiden powers, everyone is out casting Penny even more. Jaune is perfect for her because he has experience with this kind of issue. However, he would’ve had to take different route to the situation considering his failure with Pyrrha last time they had discussion on maiden powers or responsibilities (Destiny.).

2. Jaune already has been a part of maiden business since volume three. His reason to be with Penny would be make sure she doesn’t meet the same fate as Pyrrha or Amber. Not just for himself but for others around him. Especially since Cinder was in Atlas and is willing to hunt her down for the maiden powers. And James was willing to turn Penny into a soulless machine to follow his every command. (Actually, Watts is more a fault considering he hates Pietro.). James and Cinder are also opposite to Jaune in some ways.  James earned his position and earned respect from his military. Jaune on the other hand cheated, and unlike James might not have everybody’s respect. Cinder treats her allies like tools. And with power she just consumes and gives nothing return. Jaune however treats his allies like family. And instead of just taking power he gives power to others around him. He’s the reason Cinder has maiden powers. So, him making it his personal mission to make sure Cinder doesn’t get more power only increases his resolve to protect Penny. (Especially since he already had to kill her in the canon finale.)  In other words, James and Cinder purposed a challenge to Jaune. Can he pervert history from repeating itself? Can he really protect the maiden powers? Is he truly worthy of being a huntsman? What is he willing to risk in achieving his goal? (Also let’s be clear. Hazel beat Oscar down for the password to the relic. James shot the kid and was willing to let him fall to his death. Qrow intentionally punched the kid.  I don’t care if it was for Ozpin, he still punched Oscar. Lion before even knowing Oscar was Ozpin reincarnation was already about kill him anyways. All Jaune did was push him to a wall. Yes, Jaune still would have hurt Oscar, but he didn’t. He walked away.)  

3.  A lot of the situations could’ve been avoided or mattered if Jaune was there. Don’t believe me? Well let me explain. Was Ruby the only option when sneaking pass Central Command? No, because they had Weiss, Nora and Penny. Weiss could have done a freezer burn like in her fight with Marrow. Or Nora could have thrown her grenades and Penny just shoots them before the hit the ground or damage anything. Both causing a smoke screen, so no one sees them. Plus, they were already caught by using Pietro credentials. Did Nora need to get knocked out for the team to escape? No. If she had Jaune with her they could’ve one caused an EMP wave being Jaune has gravity and Nora has lightning. Or two, if Nora still went through with it, Jaune would have healed her immediately. Penny lifting and keeping the arena in place. If Jaune and Weiss were with her then once Amity was in position, Weiss with Jaune’s assistances can keep it place so Penny can come back inside and the whole video could be played. Also, Pietro would know what was going on with his daughter and can properly explain how to fix her. (Better than Jaune healing her.)

4. Nora’s whole character is knowing who she is without Ren right? Then why not just have her lead the evacuation once she’s done with Atlas? Why not have her and Yang work together along with the happy huntress to evacuate Mantle? Especially if their friends disappeared to save Oscar. (And before ya’ll tell me they can’t do it….. Yang, blocked a punch from a mech, held off a Manticore, and has a semblance that literally lets her take damage and dish it back five times harder. Nora who literally crushed Weiss and Yang in a food fight. Knocked a giant horse down on its knee. And knocked Hazel away.  Are you seriously saying these girls are not enough to take on a few little tigers? Come on!) If the whole point of Nora’s character development was finding out more about herself then let Nora try something without Ren. Let her call the shots. Let her take charge. Give her a character. (Hell don’t stop there. Have her interact with other characters. Like Jaune. Yang. Weiss. Or anyone other character than Ren. Let them tell her what they think about her. Let Nora be a solution to a character’s struggle. Ya’ll make it sound like Nora has no friends.)

5. All Yang needed was a break from Ruby and Blake. In all honesty Yang should have been the one to see the hounds face and kill it. Why? Well Ruby is Yang’s sister and only reminder of her nonblood related mother. And Blake is her girlfriend. And if we saw the hound’s face, we know it’s not just a silver eyed person. It’s also a faunus. This will give her a reason to protect both her loved ones because by seeing the hound she knows Salem intention with Ruby and want to keep her, and Blake from meeting the same fate of being turned into monsters. Yang should’ve been the 2nd to 4th member of team RWBY to fall. Why? One, a Yang vs Neo fight. Two, Cinder and Neo both wanted Ruby dead. So why not get rid of Ruby first? The fights would have been more thrilling and seeing the character, the show is named after, presumed to be dead would have added stakes and tension to the fight. (Also let me say this. Why is it, that the only great display of the maiden powers I’ve ever seen, was from Amber and not the maidens, as of now, Winter, Raven, and Cinder? The maiden powers are basically magic right? Why isn’t Cinder using any other element than fire?)

6. Weiss was completely useless. Look, as the saying goes, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” And when it came to Weiss and family, she has little to no clue of what it is nor deserves it. Weiss should have been more of an inspiration for Whitley to do right. How? By simply talking to him. What reason would she have other than Mantle? Simple, he’s her brother and she started off like him. Beacon, she was a brat. She was arrogant. And more importantly a jerk. Blake ran because of her racist attitude. Ruby literally had to impress her to prove she can be leader. Even though Weiss is not leadership martial herself.  Plus, hearing May and how she and her family never resolved their issues should inspire Weiss to not repeat that mistake. And guess what, her mom, Willow, the drinker of the family, wasn’t wrong. Both her and Winter left Whitley alone. Klein wasn’t there for him either. All Whitley had was his father. So Weiss, actually acting like his sister and trying to help him allows him to feel less alone. Instead Weiss was complete Jacque through out the entire volume.  

And that’s all.  Look I know I should have seen this coming but I had to say it.  Volume 8 could’ve been good. The problem was.

1.       Characters are not placed well within the story.

2.       We lost track of who said characters are.

3.       The ships are in the way.

4.       Being dumb for the plot. (Sometimes it’s necessary.)

[honalele]

The Universal Language

Tubbo had been quiet for mostly the entire trip. It made sense. Who in their right mind would ever want to chat about the weather with the person that took their life? The feeling was nearly mutual. After all, Tubbo had tried to kill him before.

But all of that was in the past now. After everything that happened, they each had one thing in common.

Ranboo.

The name echoed in Techno’s mind with the chorus of a thousand voices crying out the late boy’s name. Some of them were angry at Techno for not being the one to finish him off.

Blood for the Blood God.

A life so fragile and weak Techno could have broken it like a toothpick. A kid whose soul smelled of death from the first day they met. A small soul, quite like candle light and easy to snuff. Still, there was something about him. Something that kept Techno’s sword seethed. He was just so kind.

No, Techno would never kill Ranboo. No matter how much he was pressured to do it. He learned his lesson, and he learned it the hard way.

He stopped rowing and turned around to face Tubbo. The boy was huddled at the furthest end of the boat. His arms were clenched to his stomach and his head was buried deep in his shoulders. A defensive position. Protecting everything inside from spilling out. He snapped out of his distant expression when he realized that Techno had stopped.

“Something wrong?” He asked. The kid was blind in one of his eyes from the explosion. He had scars all across his face. Burn marks that never went away. Techno clenched his jaw.

Violence is the only universal language.

A ‘sorry’ would never be enough. Words would never be able to describe the regret that Techno had buried deep down inside his chest. They never have. Words were the most unreliable little things. And yet, people killed themselves over them.

“No.” Techno said and then turned around to continue rowing.

They were headed to the island that Quackity mentioned to Tubbo a while back. Apparently him and Sam were close at one point. Techno wasn’t exactly sure why or how Quackity knew of this place, he wasn’t even sure how Tubbo got the information from him, but none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered at this point was finding Michael and bringing him home.

They’d been traveling all night. Now dawn had come into the world, shedding everything under a grey light that peaked in through the clouds as the moon began to set. It was especially foggy for some reason. Techno was worried that they might lose their way because of it, but then there, just beyond the horizon, he saw it. The island.

Michael.

The voices began whispering dangerous things in Techno’s mind, so he tried to refocus it. He closed his eyes and thought back to that day. Ranboo seemed so calm. It was almost like the whole world was put under water. Everything slowed down the moment Ranboo welcomed the soulless to take his soul.

Sam.

The voices began chanting in lower tones. A fire ignited in Techno’s belly so deep and so black that it almost frightened him. More than death herself.

“Is that it?” Tubbo called from behind. Techno nodded and kept rowing until they were only a short distance away from shore. The he paused.

“You think Sam’s there?”

“He shouldn’t be.”

“If he is?” Techno asked. The boat went silent. A chill crawled up Techno’s spine as the fog wisped around them, breaking their uncertain silence.

“Take him.” Tubbo answered. “I’m getting Michael no matter what. I can’t risk…” He didn’t need to finish for Technoblade to understand what he meant.

He can’t risk his last life.

So they had a plan. Surely, Sam was off the island though. He had to be.

Techno continued to shore and both him and Tubbo crept onto the island. It was difficult to tell with all of the fog, but the place seemed almost humble. Tehchno wasn’t sure what to expect. Perhaps something a bit more extravagant and red stone based, but Sam’s home was built close to the ground so that it almost blended in with the island. Techno quietly motioned for Tubbo to follow him. While quaint, the island had a strange sense of sadness that hung over it, much lower and thicker than the fog. And when they came up to it, Techno ignored the familiar looking grave at the other end of the house.

“I think I’ve been here before.” He didn’t mean to say it out loud. Luckily, Tubbo remained quiet. The two hurried over to the front entrance. The door was locked. Techno was about to suggest that he break it down when Tubbo miraculously broke off the handle and pushed it open all by himself.

“I’ve got this floor. You look downstairs.” The voices didn’t appreciate being told what to do, but for the first time in his life Techno respected Tubbo’s authority. Getting Michael off the island was the most important thing. He quickly found his way to the staircase and headed down a ladder that lead to the basement. It was colder down there. All of the lights were off. Techno went for the switch, but he spotted something. Someone. At the far wall, standing all by themselves in the dark.

Techno immediately went for his sword, but the figure didn’t move. It could’ve been a statue. Techno kept his eyes focused on the silhouette as he reached behind him and flicked the light switch. A bright buzzing light flooded the entire room and shiver crawled up Techno’s spine. He was frozen in place. There, in all the light was Sam. His eyes were open, but he wasn’t blinking. He wasn’t even breathing. Yet, he stood. And he stared.

Techno took a step forward. He expected Sam to come out of whatever daze he was in, but the man didn’t move. It was almost like he was possessed.

He took another step forward and tightened his grip around the hilt of his sword.

“Sam?” He asked. Sam didn’t respond. Techno took another step closer. Sam’s mouth was open slightly, as if he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open, while standing in the basement of his home. Techno kept taking cautious steps forward until he was almost face to face with the warden. Was he dead? Techno pulled the sword up to Sam’s neck. He could have his body bleeding out on the floor one swift movement.

“Techno I found him! I’ve got Michael!” Tubbo called from upstairs. Techno froze. He stared into the soulless eyes of the man before him. This wasn’t Sam. It couldn’t be. He put away his sword and turned around to headed back up the ladder. When he arrived at the top, he discovered Tubbo happily holding Michael in his arms. They were both smiling brighter than ever, and Techno felt his heart melt just a bit.

“Let’s get out of here. I just saw something real creepy in this guy’s basement.” Techno said.

“Yeah?” Tubbo smiled over at Techno, but then his face dropped and he quickly grew pale in a matter of seconds. Techno turned his head to the side. He felt Sam’s gaze hot like lava down his back. So it was him.

“Get Michael out of here.” He said to Tubbo. The boy hesitated. Techno couldn’t remember the last time someone hesitated for him like that, but only three people were getting off this island. Techno buried his hardened gaze into Tubbo’s. An apology. Tubbo nodded. He gave one final glance to Sam before tightening his grip around Michael and fleeing from the house without a word. Then the fog began to seep in through the open door.

“We can talk about this.” Sam said. Techno smiled and turned around to face him. A puppet come to life. A soulless body miraculously rekindled.

“You wanna talk to me, you gotta speak my language.” Sam’s eyes followed Techno’s hand as he went for the hilt of his sword.

“Careful,” Sam said in a calm voice, and slowly reached for his sword as well. “you have no idea what you’re doing.”

“His blood is on your hands.”

“He had more blood on his.”

“Don’t care.”

Ranboo was a quiet one. He’d always kept to himself. Techno wasn’t surprised that he had secrets. Everyone did. Still, he wasn’t quite sure how the boy managed to gain so much of his precious loyalty, because right now, Techno was slowly stepping along with Sam in the beginning circles of a battle for his honor.  

“Neither of us have lost a life yet.” Sam said. Techno grinned and pulled his sword from its sheath.

“Well, that’s about to change in the next thirty seconds.”

…

Techno attacked first. He rushed the warden, immediately striking his most vulnerable areas. Sam blocked the attack at his side which left an opening on his leg. Techno’s blade tore through the armor and glided across Sam’s thigh. Sam went for Techno’s shoulder, but he dodged it, then kicked the warden so that he stumbled back into a wall. Techno took a swing at Sam’s throat, but he went low, kicking fog up as he fled.

Techno turned around to see Sam standing in a defensive position at the center of the room. Why wasn’t he attacking?

Blood for the Blood God.

The voices didn’t seem to care, and neither did Techno. He studied Sam’s stance before rushing him once again. The fog was growing more dense with every attack that Sam blocked. He was good. He was probably great. If only he’d fight back. Eventually the rage in Techno’s gut outlasted Sam’s and the warden fell to the ground. Sam struggled to stand back up, but Techno kicked him so that he fell flat on his back. Then he climbed over Sam’s pitiful body and pinned him down as he prepared for the final strike.

Blood for the Blood God.

He held the blade tightly against Sam’s neck. The warden looked up at him with a face full of anguish.

“Do it Technoblade. Kill me.” Those words. Why’d he have to use those words? Techno tried to catch his breath. No man that begged for death was ever worth killing. Sam’s expression changed when he noticed Techno’s hesitation.

What are you waiting for?

“Ranboo died because of this body. They all did.” Sam said with a determined look in his eyes. Techno swallowed hard. Sam used to be so respected. This man had fought well for years, and he usually stayed out of everyone’s business, but the prison changed him. It turned him into the skittering dung beetle that laid before Techno today.

“Come and prove your name to me.” Sam lifted his neck just enough for the blade to nick his skin. The blood oozed out and Techno felt his entire body burn with rage.

Blood for the Blood God.

“I hope you get a glimpse of hell on your way back.” Techno said before slicing open Sam’s throat. The skin tore open like foil and his blood flooded out like cherry sauce. Sam’s head lolled to the side and all the blood ran out of him, pooling onto the floor. Techno crawled off the body in exhaustion and kicked it deeper into the fog so that he wouldn’t have to look at it. There was something about killing a man that wanted to die. It never felt satisfying. Still, the voices seemed to enjoy it. It only took a few moments for them to go completely silent, leaving Techno all alone with his own thoughts. He tossed his sword to the side and slid back into a nearby wall to catch his breath. At least Michael was safe now.

Come and prove your name to me.

Did he know? Did Sam know the amount of blood that had been shed over this name? Did he have any idea what it was like living as a weapon? As a servant to the gods? As a man so afraid of dying that he’d kill everyone he ever loved to avoid it.

“Wow, that guy is super dead.” The voice startled Techno. He wasn’t aware that anyone else had entered the room. His gaze shot up and there, standing in the fog was

“Ranboo.” Techno breathed.

“Eh, close.” Ranboo replied. He took a step forward and lent a hand to Techno who was frozen in place. Techno tried to blink away his confusion, thinking that perhaps it was a trick of the fog, but Ranboo was still there. Techno slowly reached out for the hand, but his fingers slipped through Ranboo’s body like it was part of the fog.

“You’re not…” He started. The ghost gave him a sad smile and took a step back. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and nodded for Techno to follow him before turning around and heading out the front door. Techno glanced over at Sam’s body one final time, then grabbed his sword and chased after Ranboo’s ghost. It was difficult to see him in the fog. He was walking towards the grave that Techno had spotted earlier. He watched as the ghost hopped up to sit on one of the arms of the stone cross.

“Do you remember this?” He asked as Techno came up to it. There was a sign on it now that read, In memory of Tommyinnit. May he rest in peace. Techno’s knees buckled and he fell to the ground. He knew this place seemed familiar. All those months ago, they both thought this cross was meant for him. A weathered mentor with nothing left to teach his student. Techno never considered that the gods would make such a sick joke.

“I’m so sorry.” He choked.

“It’s alright.” The ghost replied in a casual tone. “There was nothing you could do.” That was a lie. Techno looked down at the blood on his hands. It was still warm.

“I could’ve done what I did today.” He said. There was no response. The two sat at Tommy’s memorial for ages. The cool wind shoveled up bits of fog that rolled silently around them as they remained captivated in quiet thoughts. What good did revenge ever do to the man that wanted to die? Techno played it back in his head. That slow-motion scene of everything under water and Ranboo standing completely unarmed with is goddamn calm eyes. Techno should’ve killed Sam right at that moment, but there were too many people. He should’ve thought about that. He should’ve known they’d be out numbered.

“Lots of people seem to miss him.” Ghostboo suddenly broke the silence. Techno looked up to try and read his expression, but the boy was leaning his head against the cross and his gaze was wrapped up in the distant ocean.

“Do you?” He asked. Ghostboo cracked a small smile.

“Hmm.” He hummed in response. Then after a couple beats of silence he jumped off the memorial and made his way past Techno. “Safe travels.” He said. Techno’s eyes were glued to the gravestone. He felt something in his heart break when he read that last bit.

May he rest in peace.

Then the voices came back, and they laughed at the wishful statement. They knew the gods wouldn’t be so merciful. Techno looked down at his bloodstained hands. He needed to find Dream and steal the revival book. It was the only way to save Ranboo. Techno turned around to catch one last glimpse of Ghostboo, but no one was there. He’d already disappeared in the fog.

[tooweirdforyou]

Can I ask request Straw Hats reaction to (gn) reader that has a loss of motivation

Straw Hats React To A Shipmate Who Loses Motivation To Continue

A/N : ahhh, this is a little more angsty than I thought- thanks for requesting! :D hope you enjoy.

Note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted separate or together, so I did semi-both?.. ALSO wasn’t sure if there was a specific reason for the loss of motivation so I varied it.

Warning : small.. triggering words near the end. Implications / mentions of possible suicide.

Summary : The straw hats react to your loss of motivation and what they’d say to you.

-

Luffy

Luffy would be most upset when he sees you’re losing motivation. It wouldn’t matter what for, he’s upset by it.

He doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to continue but he’s actually quite understanding. He’s there to try to comfort you.

Luffy is the most understanding one, even if he doesn’t show it. Though there hasn’t been many times where he’s completely given up, he has experienced it once so he knows how I feels.

So when this happens, he doesn’t say anything. He just goes over and pulls you to his chest and hugs you tightly.

“...It’ll be okay. You can start again when you’re ready.. but don’t give up. If you need help, I’ll be there..”

-

Zoro

When Zoro learns of your loss of motivation, your loss of will to fight on, he doesn’t quite become angry, but he’s harsh about it.

He’s not too good with words and emotions, he’s very blunt, but he is a bit apologetic about it later. He tries to tell you that there’s nothing to lose but rather, something to gain, if you continue to fight. But if you give up, there’s nothing.

So if you had a choice, wouldn’t you keep fighting to benefit something? Why give up and get nothing? Keep fighting. No matter what it takes. And if you need help, Zoro is there for you. You aren’t fighting alone.

“Look, if you get knocked down, get back up and prove your enemies that you aren’t weak. Show them just how tough you can be. Don’t give up.”

-

Usopp

When Usopp hears you’re losing motivation to continue fighting for your dream, he’s heartbroken.

You remind him of his past self from two years ago. He remembers giving up often, because he was too afraid or believed he was too weak, but luckily, he had friends to be there for him. To bring him back to his feet.

So that’s exactly what he does for you. He comforts you. Tells you to not give up to keep fighting on to achieve your dream, because it’s not impossible. It will become a reality one day, and you won’t be alone.

Because the mighty god Usopp, the brave warrior of the sea is right there by your side, ready to help when you need it.

“Because I, the all Mighty God Usopp! Shall be there whenever you need him! This brave warrior will show you the way and bring you up when you’re feeling down!... so don’t give up. Okay?”

-

Sanji

When Sanji notices you losing motivation to love, he’s crushed.

He’s been raised to love and respect women, and there’s many men who he respects for their goals and skills. He loves and treats people equally, you are included.

But why don’t you feel the same? Why do you not care anymore? What do you not love?

Depending on your reason, Sanji will do everything he can to show you love. Appreciation. Affection. Endearment. Caring. Etc.

Whether it’s simply doing daily checkups, making small snacks, opening doors, or even listening to you talk all night while he gives you a massage, he will make sure you understand and know why it’s important to keep loving. Whatever happened won’t ever happen again with him or the crew around. You can be happy.

“Don’t give up on love, just yet, [Name]-san. I promise you, everything will work out and be okay. Besides, the crew and I love you. And we always will.”

-

Nami

When Nami sees you losing motivation to keep smiling, she’s quite devastated and actually feels pain and regret building up inside her.

Why didn’t she notice sooner? What causes you to have so much pain and sadness that you can’t even smile?

She wouldn’t even know how to react or what to do at first, but then once it settles, she confronts and talks to you calmly, the softest and sincerest expression.

She’s sit beside you and make you tell her what’s going on as she listens to every word and holds your hand as comfort. It reminds her of Arlong. Where she felt so much pain and misery, she couldn’t even smile anymore. Until she met Luffy, and the crew that only begun to grow then.

When you finish telling your story after being forced to, she gives you a soft reprimanding before hugging you tightly. She reminds you of her story before stating that the crew is there, and are with you when you need them.

“You aren’t alone, [Name]. I’m here. The crew as well. You don’t have to fight this alone, and if you ever need a lift or a hand, remember, there’s 9 of us. We’ll be with you every step of the way. So don’t give up. Keep smiling!”

-

Chopper

When Chopper sees you losing motivation to be yourself, he frowns and thinks about his past self. Where he was a monster to society.

He becomes teary and pained at the memory of being feared and hated, that’s why he never liked himself. He always despised himself.. until he met Luffy.

So Chopper talks to you. He tells you it’s bad for your health to be so negative on yourself, talking to you as a doctor. But as a friend, he tells you that you are worthy to be who you are.

Even if other people hate it or judge it, you can always trust Chopper to never do that. Because he felt the same once before. You aren’t alone in this, and you never will be.

“Be yourself, please! It’s good for your health to be happy.... please don’t change yourself for others, [Name].. you deserve to be yourself with your happiness. I won’t ever judge you so be who you want and are meant to be. Don’t give up on yourself.”

-

Robin

When Robin hears you lose motivation to learn and explore, she’s saddened and deeply upset by it, even if she doesn’t quite show it.

As a historian who loves to learn, she didn’t understand why you were losing motivation for it, but she does eventually. She understands a lot of losing motivation for something.

Though she may not be too good at expressing her concern and encouragement, she tries. Robin would sit beside you and listen to your reason if you shared, before listing off some benefits to learning and exploring new things.

“Let’s not lose hope, [Name]-san. There will always be an adventure waiting for us, for us to learn more about history, about our present, and about our future. To learn new things that will come. So let’s not give up.”

-

Franky

When Franky sees you unable to continue with your passion, he’s a bit straightforward when trying to comfort and encourage you, only because he doesn’t know why you’re losing motivation.

Everyone has a passion for something, Franky’s was being a shipwright / carpenter. He never wants to stop it. So when you tell him that you’re losing motivation for your passion, he’s a little put off because he doesn’t expect anyone to lose passion.

So Franky talks to you, he’s a bit awkward at first with all of his trying to lighten the mood and all his SUPERS~* but eventually, he calms down and talks to you better.

“Come on, don’t give up on your hope and passion like this! We gotta be SUUUPPERRR~ positive and keep moving forward with our goal. Okay?”

-

Brook

When Brook hears that to wish to stop being creative, because you lose motivation, his spirit becomes soulless. He’s sad.

Brook is immediately talking to you about it. First, he’ll ask if you’re willing to share your reason for your lack of motivation. If you are, he’s all ears. ( even if he doesn’t have any )

If you aren’t, he respects it and just makes sure to leave a reminder on why it’s good to be creative. It’s a method to let out and express emotions, whether it’s pain, sadness, anger, joy, or more.

He makes sure that you understand because he truly wants you to not give up and keep being creative, because everyone is creative inside. That’s what he believes.

“Express yourself. Write, sing, laugh, dance, play, do anything to let out all your feelings and emotions, be true to yourself and let loose, [Name]-san. Don’t give up on your mind letting it imagine the many possibilities that can come. And I promise everything will be alright.”

-

Straw Hats

When the whole crew hears you giving up on living, each of them have mixed reactions but all of them are completely speechless and feel their hearts sinking.

None of them would even know what to say. How could they? One of their own, a comrade, a friend, a family, just told them that they’re losing motivation to live. How could they possibly know what to say, think or feel?

The realization eventually settles in, some slower than others.

And the reactions are mixed. Anger, sadness, confusion, panic, regret, and most of all, pain.

“Did something happen? What’s wrong? Why are you feeling this way?”

“Please don’t even think of doing what I think you’re going to do.”

“Why the hell are you giving up on living?!”

“You DESERVE to be alive though! You’re worthy of living, so why do you want to throw it away?”

“I don’t understand..why..why are you giving up on something of so much value?”

“Is something the matter? What’s the cause of you feeling this way?”

“Please don’t say things like that. It frightens me that you’re implying you’ll do something and I don’t think any of us can take that.”

“This better not be a joke because this is not funny at all. Please tell us what’s wrong.”

“You better take back those words, you understand? Your life is not something to casually toss away just because you don’t feel like it. What caused this?”

Each of them would talk to you throughout the day, before leaving you in peace. But they keep a close eye just in case.

And eventually, they all meet up with you again to talk, to make sure you remember that you have value, that you are worthy, and that they care for you, deeply.

“Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on life. We are here for you, every step of the way. We will never abandon you, [Name]. So don’t give up!”

-

“Don’t Give Up.”

-

A/N : idk if y’all noticed but you notice their quotes and what each one have in common?- lol it’s right there above this— ^^

I hope you like this and I’m very sorry for the ending part, with the straw hats. I did leave a warning though.

requests are taking forever to doooo.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

NCT 127's Killing Voice reminded me of why people love SM idols so much. SM really knows how to pick them. They're all charismatic and good at singing and dancing. I don't know how SM manages to make all their idols sound the same though. They all sing the same way, in a full, powerful voice that even the weaker vocalists have. They sound so polished, it's both a blessing and a curse, because there isn't much diversity in terms of vocals. Imo, only their main vocalists sounded truly distinct; I particularly liked Doyoung and Taeil. Doyoung has a beautiful voice. Mark's reactions every time he sang were so funny lmao. I liked Haechan as well.

I didn't known Jaehyun sang so much. He rapped too, and covered the lower parts a lot. He reminded me a bit of Jungkook in the video, though they sound very different. But he really has so many lines, along with Mark. He even had more lines in the video than Taeyong. I don't get why Jungwoo and Yuta had so little lines. When they sang, they sounded fine. Apart from the main vocalists, the members all sound more or less the same; there's no reason to give some vocalists a lot more lines than the others. Honestly, unfair line distributions take some of the joy out of a performance. Even if some members deserve more lines than others, it gets annoying seeing the same people sing all the time while the others just stand there. This was a highlight reel, so it wouldn't have been too hard to choose songs that showcased the other members more.

The thing with unequal line distributions is that, at a certain point, I just want the idols who get all the lines out of my face, even if I don't have any issue with them. It's like this with so many groups. I don't even know or care about NCT 127, or a lot of other groups with unfair line distributions, but I always feel bad for the members, and I don't understand why they don't get more lines. Every member has fans and having a few more seconds of screentime won't stop the most popular members from standing out. Most of the time, the members who get all the lines aren't that much better than the other members. Ryujin, for example, though I love her and get her star power, gets too many lines considering she's not a great vocalist or rapper, or the only charming member. Same with NMIXX in their first comeback; all the members are good, so why did only 3 or 4 members get all the lines and screentime? As far as charisma goes, all NCT members seem to have it as well...

But, yeah, I don't really know or care for their music. I only know and like some songs, like Favorite (Vampire), Cherry Bomb, and Regular, but I understand why people like them. I'm listening to the 2 Baddies album now because I became curious about them, but the problem with SM is that their strengths are also their weaknesses. Everything sounds perfect, but perfection becomes boring and soulless. That's what I'm feeling right now listening to the album. SM's RnB is so consistent. I can barely tell the songs apart. They're so chill too.

I just wish Killing Voice videos weren't so edited. Everyone usually sounds way too perfect, but that was especially evident in NCT 127's video because of all the 'chanting'; they almost sounded robotic and exactly like they do in the studio. Even if they're good singers, I'm sure they aren't that good. A lot of weak singers go on shows like Lee Mujin Service and sound great, but can barely sing an encore on a music show - not saying that's the case with NCT, but, yeah...

[simsparrows]

“It starts as with most terrors in this world,” Sparrow said solemnly, “a man.” 

 Sky leaned in closely as Sparrow stood up from the stone bench. 

“His name was Odais and he was a God in his mind. He lived in the tribe just a valley over, a warring lot who found glory in bloodshed and sport. A very different life than the one my family or tribe sought to live. 

The stories of his exploits were those of legend. There wasn’t a battle he couldn’t win. Well, except for...” Sparrow sighed, rubbing her forehead as it throbbed. Just thinking of that awful man squeezed her heart so tight she thought it would simply stop beating. 

After a moment, Sparrow continued: 

“I was the conquest he couldn’t claim.” Sparrow shook her head, a sardonic smile on her lips. “And yet he found a way to destroy me and everything I loved.” 

Thunder whined nearby, sensing the darkening atmosphere around the camp. Sky turned to stone, mesmerized by the heart-wrenching web Sparrow weaved.  

“He tried to kill me,” Sparrow said in a small voice. “He almost did.” 

A hush fell among the three until Sparrow, exhaling, broke it. 

“My father tried to tell him I wouldn’t marry but men like Odais do not know the word no. So i fled, thinking my absence would spare my village from war, but I was wrong.”

Angry tears cascaded down Sparrow’s cheek. She wiped them away. 

“He killed them,” Sparrow whispered. Those words, the ones she daren’t say aloud felt like bricks upon her chest. “He killed everyone in my village.” 

Sparrow’s eyes clouded with sadness. His heart felt heavy with the loss Sparrow was sharing. He knew the precise bitterness of a loss like Sparrow’s. more than she could ever imagine. 

Sky stilled as Sparrow continued. 

“He told me what happened as he wrestled me to the ground and sliced a knife against my throat.” 

Sparrow choked back a sea of bile and fear as she recounted what Odais had told her:

He first struck my father.

Odais spilled his blood in the long grass while they fought. My father was once a warrior, once a feared opponent, but....

My father was old, worn down from hunting expedition and his years of battle injuries. He was nothing like Odais. Still, even Odais admitted my father wrangled him to the ground. 

Odais had struck my father first and disoriented him. He then went after my mother. 

My father, hearing my mother’s fear sprang up from the ground to defend her and my sister. 

I want to disappear from this world when I think of my mother, looking at that monster as he charged them with knives and an axe. 

How the softest person, the most nurturing of people was killed first. Maybe it was a mercy, I tell myself that at night. That she didn’t have to see my sister or father perish. Because my heart can’t handle any other reality. 

It wasn’t long after my mother fell that he returned to my father. In this fight, he overpowered him. He rolled out from underneath and began to beat him until...

My father stilled forever. A man who moved like Savannah breezes and mountain spring water, bubbling, always moving. Still. Dead. 

It doesn’t feel real even though I know in my heart, he’s gone forever.  

And while my parent’s bodies became a sea of death around her, my sister, injured and weak, watched as the only two people in this world left for her...died. 

While my mother had cried and panicked at the sight of the carrion birds--

Fern was reaching her hand out for Odais. 

A hand covered in our famiy’s blood, her own blood and tears and dirt from the earth--she begged him to stop. 

She had already known the terror Odais could bring upon a person because he had gone after her before. He’d bruised her eye before when she tried to resist his advances. She never told us and of course my sister, my dear Fern, would try her best to save my parents. She thought she could reason with a monster.

If Odais’ heart had not been black and soulless, if he had had an ounce of humanity in him he would have let my sister go. 

 He would have left her as cruel as that is, he would have. But he is a walker, a demon in human flesh. 

And he had already decided to take her life. 

The birds were everywhere, he said. 

They flew around my massacred family, waiting for their meal. 

They circled her as she struggled in her last minutes. 

As she begged him, arm outreaching for his soul. But he charged her with his axe...

She staggered upright after a few blows but she was dead. 

By the time she hit the dirt, she was gone. 

And all that was left were the birds, circling death long into the night. 

Sparrow finished her story and Sky sat speechless, soaking in the horror he’d just been told. 

Sparrow’s eyes welled up with tears and her knees shook together. 

“They’re gone,” she said. 

Sky exploded into anger behind her. Thunder hurried up to her human’s side, knowing Sparrow wasn’t doing well. 

“They’re gone,” Sparrow repeated, the words sounding fake in her mouth. How could this be the real?

She fell to the ground, clutching her hands to her chest. 

Sky was shocked unsure what to say or do. His mind was swimming down countless streams. Sparrow’s story had sparked terrible memories of his ow, but right now, he wanted to be there for her. 

She was like him. 

Utterly alone in the world. 

[babygirl06301]

When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

S8

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end. 

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage. 

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey. 

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”. 

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears. 

And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you.  In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.”  In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself. 

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.