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syscourse-confessions · 1 year ago

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Not so much syscourse specific but more so system spaces in general and an actual confession and abit of advice from an adult system whose been in system spaces since they were 15

Every time I hear someone say that someone in a system discord or someone on Tumblr invalidated their trauma or said it wasn't enough, my immediate thought is to blame them for sharing trauma with strangers. I have to fight myself to not just immediately blurt out about how naive that is and how you shouldn't be seeking validation from strangers period, especially about something as personal as trauma. About how no one can judge if it truly hurt you enough to shatter your sense of self other than you or someone who's been literally trained to do that aka a medical professional.

Yeah, I get trauma dumping with friends and all that and I agree that internet friends are real friends but I've personally seen some of the young systems, especially minors, here blurt out all their info other than their full name, phone number and address in vent channels and I feel like they need to be guided to actual help, not just random people who joined a discord. We cant diagnose you and we can't actually tell you if your trauma was bad enough and anyone who tries to be your " personal unofficial therapist" isnt probably a good person with your best interests at heart. Especially if you never met them irl. Some people here think that just being a system and an adult who's known about their system for a while might as well be a professional or psychologist and THEY AREN'T. They can hurt you with bad advice and teach you harmful habits that can carry on not just into your adult years, but the rest of your life. They haven't been trained and if they constantly try to tell you they know better than a doctor because "doctors only ever learn by reading the dsm and I've read it", run. They are going to start abusing you.

I totally get the desire to be validated. Everyone wants to feel like their emotions are valid, especially kids in abusive households with no medical assistance and no school friends. They have no one else. But this is how you get groomed. This is how you form wounds you'll be healing in adulthood.

Don't tell random people who did the easiest shit of lieing on a throwaway blog to get into a discord server to specifically get at young hurting children looking for the slightest bit of affection about the deepest and darkest parts of you. They don't need to know. It's not an expectation and these strangers don't need to know. Everyone on the Internet is wearing a mask and that is all you'll ever see of them. There's lots and lots of good people here who are just looking for friends like you but you can't tell the good ones from the creeps and the groomers and the abusers and the bigots. Most of the time, there is no sign and you need to be vigilant.

This gose for everyone, regardless of age. Don't tell strangers your trauma!! They don't need to know!! They can't give you validation you can't find from people who know what their doing and yourself!! If they are demanding it from you for some sick personal gain, they don't have your best interests at heart and you need to block them!! I wish people would of've told me this so some of my groomers and abusers didn't have triggering ammo to use on me!! Don't! Tell! Random! People! Your! Trauma!

Literally nothing good can come from anyone being able to use (and therefore abuse) the tenderest parts of you. Be vague if you need to specify but don't tell them in graphic detail. It won't help you and though your friends will pity you and give advice, someone is already locking that away to hurt you with it later. It's not worth the 30 minutes to an hour of validation to be violated for days later. Keep the important things close.

DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any

#syscourse #syscourse confessions #abuse tw #grooming tw

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fandomfluffandfuck · 11 months ago

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I'm sending this here because i feel very awkward saying anything of the following sort to my friends and I believe this is like a really sex positive place so I hope you don't mind!!

there's this guy I know irl and while I've known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years, I never really thought too much of him. but recently my brain has been all ooga booga around him like oh my god I cannot stop stealing glances at him!!!! and everything he does is so sexy somehow even if it's not??? for context I've not had sexual crushes on anyone till now but like I've constantly been having hella dirty thoughts every night for the past few days about pressing him up against random walls and kissing him intensely

OBVIOUSLY I don't wanna say anything to this effect to him or mutual friends and don't know if I can even say most of this to my friends, hence here I am, very confused about what to do. Do I just let it happen and then have to face him every day when the previous night i thought about making out with him while sitting in his lap??? that's mortifying ;~~;

(I'm not very stressed but like, this is unfamiliar territory so if you had any general advice that would also be appreciated, and even if not then I just needed to say this to someone so thanks for reading till now)

PS. If for Tumblr reason this goes on without anon please don't post it :')

This IS a very sex positive place, I don't mind hearing this. Not at all! You're always welcome to share.

By the way, describing your attraction to him conking you over the head as "ooga booga" is hilarious and perfect. I completely feel that. That's a great way to say it.

It do be like that, though, as someone who, more often than not, gets sexual crushes as opposed to romantic crushes... yeah. Brain just thinks Hot. I am very familiar with that, lol.

I've played both ways--thinking about it, but not acting and just being normal (whatever that is, ha) afterward, and doing something about it. Once, it actually led to hooking up (more than just a one-off, too 👀), and two other times, we kissed maybe twice, but that was it. It didn't actually go anywhere 'cause there wasn't a spark.

I don't regret not going after those people I didn't, nor do I regret going after the people I did. It's totally up to you. I mean, if you have no real impulse to do anything about it or say anything about it outside of your own mind... it can stay in your brain, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not harming him by thinking about him in the privacy of your own home. Most people have thoughts like that. Humans are humans. We're storytellers and day dreamers, and we have desires. You're allowed to have those thoughts. But if you want to chance it, you might tell your friends that you have a crush and see where that could go. Who knows? Worse case scenario, he isn't interested; best case scenario, he's flattered and reciprocates your thoughts 👀

(The unspoken option is to masturbate more and get some of that sexual frustration out of the equation, lmao.)

(No problem! Hopefully this gives you some centering, even if you're not very stressed about the situation and I didn't really give you much advice, lol, I basically just slapped you on the shoulder and said, "eyyy, me too.")

#asks #tmi #not really but who knows who's filtering

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whatxxx-happened-to-me · 1 year ago

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First Entry

I am going to attempt to journal more to better my psychological health. I’ve been feeling a lot of depression and brain fog recently, and I want to figure out a way to make my brain a bit sharper. When people ask me about how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking, I often go “uhhhh....... uhhhh.....” - it feels like I’m empty, vacuous. What happened to ever having a person inside of me? A real person? I feel so boring now, but I want to have a personality again. It’s hard to have a personality when you feel tired and exhausted. To the bone. I have the classic depression, nothing is fun and nothing makes me feel good.

I feel numb, but paradoxically I still feel emotions (though irritation is what comes easiest, to be completely honest). People might think I act happy and goofy, but irritation is the emotion I am most familiar with, I feel it constantly. As a result, I can hide it effectively. Regardless, I am capable of feeling brief bouts of excitement, typically over art or thinking about the potential I might have - which it’s a good sign that I think I have potential (which it’s a good sign that I think I have potential, yet it makes my current state of mind-fog and general loserliness all the more despairing at times). So I guess firstly, I need to figure out how to even talk about my emotions. I need to learn to give life to the emotions that are otherwise so fleeting and so difficult to hold onto, so mushy and abstract when I try to describe and share.

Another skill I want is how to keep track of stray thoughts. I might start putting them down on a notepad as reminders for when I get to making an actual journal entry. One stray thought made it in here - I rapidly wrote down an introductory bit about streamer Ashe_K9 because I am impressed with her, it has become a stray thought that I can develop a lot of meaning from. Maybe this will get easier if I can manage to free up my head. I desire clarity and vision.

Turns out I type better than write, so it’s this tumblr side blog that I will turn to. It is followed by one person - if you’re reading this Caroline, I am going through it, as per usual. Probably worse than I ever thought in high school and early college. Became a bit too “schizo-pilled” or black-pilled or something like that. Life never really approached my desires - wanting to be an artist or a performer - though I intend to get started and try to change things. Too good at the wrong things, also want the wrong things. It’s a mess. This is poorly articulated but maybe that is also for another entry.

I’m watching a streamer called Ashe_K9, a part of a raid by an online friend I made streaming (in some ways I’m surprised I made a friend streaming, but in other ways I am not. Online, in terms of typing, I can show off a very fun personality imo that I fail to live up to irl. That is mostly what they see - though they do see me stream, which is a mix of online persona and irl nature. I need to write about streaming sometime - what makes a good streamer in my opinion, why it might be the rare time I am energized as well). I am just so impressed with the way she can talk and engage with the chat. She is able to come up with random questions on the spot, like “Chat, do you prefer Raiden or Sam” (she is playing Metal Gear Rising). She is able to confidently reply to chat, reference, emote, it’s so good. I wish I could be that way, but I retreated extremely far inwards to myself and just stayed there. Even the streamer who brought me in is excellent at doing that - talking about whatever media, references, events are happening in his life.

Ask me what’s going on, what I’ve read, what I’ve watched, I’ll just be like “uhhhhhhhhhhh... I read a James Baldwin, I liked it a lot, it was good [insert nebulous statement on it representing a tragic Black American experience here].” I definitely have stronger, deeper opinions, I just don’t know how to reach into them, let alone remember them

So I guess in general, I hope to be able to talk again (I should make mini youtube or tiktok essays about the stuff I am enjoying, semi-scripted, acting like I’m on an academic panel. Ack, this all sounds exhausting for the brain, my forehead and eyes feel heavy). Be able to describe what is going on in my life and within my person, the types of media I am enjoying and engaging with, - and use all of this to engage with other people.

Also! Asking people questions! Everyone that I think is good at engaging with other people can ask them questions based on what they are being given. It’s evidence that they are engaging at least critically or thoughtfully with their words, but I am so brain-fogged that I don’t grab anything before it goes out the other side. I’m just like “yeah.” Strangely, I have a very good memory.

Here’s to hoping I can sharpen up my mind again and become happier. I’ll find places to talk about art and stuff more publicly. Maybe my personal blog. Do the video idea maybe. I need to write down what I think again. Recently I read A Small Place by Jamaica Kincaid, but I had to a hard time recalling to a friend the specifics, just that it’s about “colonial and post colonial Antigua.” There's corruption, there’s a divide being tourists and natives, the natives experience racism at every corner - yet this all feels non-specific. It’s true enough but like what is actually going on in Antigua, how did it get there? i kind of missed it, woops. Need to start dissecting and retaining works again, get some practice in that again, like I’m at school again or something. Though given time, I can remember specifics again, I want to be able to recall them faster. I am plowing through mush to get these details, I feel so tired.

Here’s to hoping I get better. A better me would make me happy (write on this and disability soon, but I’ve written enough for today. Relax, you did good work Me)

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alien-ally · 2 years ago

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I posted 398 times in 2022

That's 398 more posts than 2021!

61 posts created (15%)

337 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shmaroace

@wannabehuntress

@aro-aro-aro-ace-ace-ace

@kissimirrit

I tagged 354 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#aa mine - 181 posts

#reblog - 112 posts

#aromantic - 94 posts

#aro - 54 posts

#aroace - 34 posts

#aplatonic - 31 posts

#loveless aro - 25 posts

#loveless - 24 posts

#asexual - 23 posts

#ace - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#not at me imagining getting married and leaving home and sharing a bed with an absolute stranger and finding it absolutely repulsive

My Top Posts in 2022:

Signs you are aroace:

- perpetual boredom

- you have an eye for quality

- you struggle to make posts like this

(unreliable source suggests 89% accuracy)

18 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Perks of interacting with aspecs online:

- You can talk and have fun without being worried of unflattering advances

- There’s an automatic solidarity established

- +1 new ally attained

- You can be nice and compliment each other without the worry of it getting mistaken as flirting

- A kinship you rarely (or never) find irl

(feel free to add more >.<)

28 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Peace

So I see tumblr has been giving me daily prompts as part of the mental health month so thought to post a little entry:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about”

- Rumi

Peace is that I think. When you’re able to lie down on that metaphorical grass unrestrained. It’s the serenity that comes with knowing that you or someone has got you. Hence, it can be found in crisis too I believe. It’s feeling all the weight disintegrate from your mind loosening the taut braincells. Peace is the small smile that grazes your lips on a nice dewy morning. Peace is knowing you’re on the right path🤍✌🏽

74 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

Koisenu Futari

Finished watching koisenu futari. The moment I saw it on tumblr I knew I had to watch it and to no one's surprise it has been life-changing. Representation wise and story wise it just kept getting better all the way. I had a smile on my face throughout, while different emotions flickered in my eyes.

Within 4 hours, they tackled so many of the jabs aro/ace and loveless people get, it got sort of overwhelming. And the fact that they did it without being insensitive towards any of the downplayed identities. Without using the ‘we can still feel xxx love' or 'we can still form xxx relationships’ to validate aspecs. Cause no matter where you lie on the ace/aro/apl spectrums, you shouldn't have to be redeemed. The variety of interpersonal relationships portrayed was just chef’s kiss. The entire scene of Sakuko in the aspec club. How one pair of people only called each other when they needed help and still referred to each other as family. Seeing that made me incredibly happy, as an aplatonic that desires some form of a comradeship. Reminded me once again that it’s okay to work out something out of the norm, as long as it’s comfortable for me and those involved.

Personally, as someone with zero allies in real life, I've depended solely on myself for reassurance. So it gets exhausting. Terribly so. Figuring out that you greatly differ from the majority at a young age and battling the perpetual estrangement that follows. Realizing that apart from my family and a few friends no one might ever get to see certain sides of me. Only to get heart broken by my parents who may never truly understand me. For all the times I felt hopeless, every night I spend scrolling through tumblr and aven forums unable to fall asleep. All the instances I thought of coming out to my brother and parents, except dint because I was waiting to reach an age at which my words would hold more credibility. Dealing with the incessant triggers strewn around carelessly. For every single time I felt compelled to justify my experiences and orientations, my right to know myself, when my touch-aversion and lovelessness felt like a disability. The sheer horror and befuddlement that crept up to me while watching the news, finding out about the monstrosities that happened to young girls , children and women. None of it comes from trauma, but without me knowing, at some point, being this way became my trauma. All of it has been portrayed awesomely by this show. It reminded me that although it may seem that way for now, I'm not alone and will eventually find more people like me.

I enjoyed all the characters in the story cause despite their initial bad responses towards their beliefs getting challenged, they were willing to learn. Willing to accept even if they dint necessarily understand. Some even eager to learn more (spoiler: Kazu). But most importantly watching this made of realize just how many tropes could come up if we experimented with aroace characters. We only get crumbs of representation but just IMAGINE the countless plotlines and relationship dynamics we could come up with for aspec characters!!! Including the fake dating trope, lovers to realizing you're aspec to becoming allies trope and so much more. There is so much waiting to be explored. I'm tired of watching people marvelling about love. Now can we please explore lovelessness? I tell you IT'S JUST AS EXTENSIVE as the mighty love itself.

This is probably my hundredth time editing this post. I just can’t finish expressing what I feel about this. Each time feels as though I’m missing out on something. The ending was the most best and perfect ending to ever exist. In the end, home is just somewhere you can return to, someone you can split chores with, someone that motivates you to try out intense recipes (cause when you get to share the food you make is when you reach true content of a successful recipe), someone to help you with your vegetable garden and house maintenance. Someone you can go shopping with. It’s literally anything you want it to be. A family (subject to change) is what you want it to be.

The many times the words aromantic and asexual was shown on screen was simply immaculate. Each and every word uttered by Takahashi deserves a separate frame. From his dream of building a vegetable kingdom to his eccentric udon making tactics. Plus yes, his love for crabs. Can't miss out on that. Sakuko's amiability, love for long coats and Kazu's neverending absorptivity topped off by Maya's affection for pandas.

I give this show an absolute 10/10. Someone is saying we should replace 'sending love' with 'sending cabbages' among aroaces omg that sounds amazing.😭 Underrated vegetable cabbage supremacists please gather around immediately

Okay I'm finishing off, as for my last words: Yeah. People who can't fall in love exist. I'm one of them. But that's not the point. The point is

See the full post

89 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So I'd changed schools this year (junior in highschool), and just a few days ago i overheard a couple of my classmates talking about the lbtqia+ community and asked them if they knew what the 'a' in the acronym stood for, the first answer was asexual, to which i proceeded to tell em it stood for aromantic, agender and some other a-specs, from how they were so eager to learn i went 'wanna know a fun fact?' and came out to them as aroace (later greyapl as well). They told me that now that they know, it kind of made sense lolol. And today in the break while i was reading my book they came up to me asked how their favorite aroace was doing :/ and what my fav flag was

Today again, in the bus i asked another one of my classmates if she knew what the 'a' in the acronym stood for, first answer was agender, i was totally blown away, went woahhhh and proceeded to say what else it stood for. Then. . . she said at one point she thought she was aro. At that point i was enchanted, I Am Aromantic! i told her. we talked about it for a bit, when i discovered and identified with the terms etc. until my stop came. I told her how important that conversation was for me cause I'd never spoken about it to people irl, much less even meet people who knew the terms. She said she was touched. I said, no I am touched.

If those two interactions dint light up my entire car ride (yeah someone has to pick me from the bus stop, school bus sucks ); back home, rest of the day, coming weekend, next week and possibly this entire month. One of them is bi and another bi questioning (the one who questioned being aro). For once, perhaps the first time, to be myself, even if i wasn't trying to be anything else, to have people know, perceive me for what i am, i dint know what sort of weight it had on my shoulders until it was lifted away. Awesome people exist, just met some the past couple weeks and now will always remember these encounters as my first major coming out (i had already to my friends but this one felt different). I was overcome with so much elation, relief, happiness, joy, satisfaction, bliss, peace i wanted to scream it out. So here it is, it's not that hopeless after all

528 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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abouttoplaymy-ace · 2 years ago

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🐈‍⬛

Hello all! The animal today is a black cat in accordance with Halloween and (more importantly) Midnight's release in less than a week! I think we have an exciting week ahead of us, eh? So I want to know, what is your favorite thing about release week? Mine personally is being surprised by all the little fun things Taylor does during the week! And of course getting new music (duh?) So what is yours?

Let's share what we're most excited for this week and remember to tag animalanon (if so desire) so we can all share our excitement for this new album and show Taylor (and each other) some love! And remember, each of you are wonderful and deserving human beings who are very much loved 🥰. Now let's have a party!l (squirrels are not invited) 🥳 🥳🥳.

-animal anon

Hello there!!

I agree with you— my favorite part about release week is not knowing exactly what’s coming next! Miss Swift is always so full of surprises so I love to freak out and race to tumblr whenever something happens. With that, I think the community aspect really jumps out during release week when everyone is online freaking out at the same time 🥹

I’m also really excited to have a few irl swiftie friends over to listen to the album and make Midnights-inspired drinks. I’ve never done a listening party before so I’m very excited!!

It literally does not feel real to me yet tho so I can’t wait for it to finally be here!!

Hope you have an awesome release week, animal anon xo 🐈‍⬛✨

#animal anon #asks

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merulanoir · 3 years ago

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Cw: discussion of the clusterfuck that is the Finnish trans healthcare system, so transphobia.

I haven't been sharing my transitioning timelines or details here (or anywhere else, for that matter.) In fact, as a whole I kind of rolled back in terms of how much of my irl self I share on Tumblr, because I found out that I like getting to set the terms on which people know me. This is in no way a statement of superiority or anything like that; simply put, I reached a better place in my life and found out I'm a fairly private person.

Reading blogs about transmasc people's transitioning has been a complicated thing for me. They were a lifeline, but at the same time they made me feel hopeless. I was getting closer to thirty, and the process was dragging on, and what if I never got there? I think I've said this before, but before I was literally holding the hrt supplies in my own two hands there was a real possibility of them being arbitrarily taken away.

Now I've managed to let most of that fear go. I still have to go visit the gender clinic, but they're no longer able to fuck me over. If I end up wanting bottom surgery I will have to meet with them again, but the biggest hurdle of getting diagnosed is finally past me.

It's been difficult to explain how humiliating and traumatizing the trans process in Finland truly is. I'm required to get sterilized to get my gender marker changed. One government branch has a list of every person who has changed their legal gender, and they seem to have no plans to abolish that. It gives me nightmares to imagine how a list like that could be abused. And all this comes before I even get to the reality of living as a transgender person.

People think wanting to be stealth is somehow bad. The current narrative favors people who are loudly proud of their gender and sexuality, and I love that. I do. That kind of advocacy would also be a terrible choice for me. I'm an autistic person with a mental illness, and I have exactly zero desire to put myself at the forefront of anything. I want to be stealth, and use my position as a white guy to do something useful for the civil rights movement.

So I won't be sharing any transitioning details in the future, either. I asked my friends and family to refrain from commenting on the changes, because just living through them is enough of a hassle; I don't want to be a fucking circus animal. Another thing I'm still trying to get through is that I don't consent to my family members or friends disclosing my status as a trans person. People who have known me long enough obviously will ask questions, but new people don't get to know I'm trans just because someone wants to claim a woke point of two. It hasn't been going great, and I expect some heavy discussions in the future.

I recently moved. I know no one in this new town, and I didn't tell that many people I was leaving. My legal name change happened at the most opportune moment, too. I'm thinking of changing my phone number, which is really the last thing they could use to reach me. I'm leaving behind a lot of people who aren't good for me anymore, and the thought of just disappearing from their lives is probably more comforting than it should be.

I think I'll be happy here. I have an amazing partner and despite everything we don't yet quite agree on, my family feels closer than ever. I'm excited for the future.

#blackbirb babbles #do not reblog

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thevoilinauttheory · 3 years ago

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[ i’m not one to really give my opinions on games in my tumblr

but i was replaying through 5.3 (and some thoughts visiting 5.0 again) on maximiloix to get him caught up and g o d do i just have... a little bit to say (funny, really) but there’s spoilers, and i know a couple people who follow me who haven’t done it yet - so i’mma put it under the cut for anyone interested in my rambles ]

[ so. like.

first. still sobbing about 5.3 and its build up, and don’t think i’ll ever get over it, especially after doing it a second time. knowing what’s going to happen, i think made it almost worse - it made all those conversations make sense and its just. hhhhh i love it so much.

next. the solo instance where elidibus takes you through amaurot fighting the people from your past adventures, the people you’ve grown to care about and love. g o d when i did that the first time, i think i literally cried. my heart hurt so much and i just wanted to refuse to fight.

but there’s a reason why maximiloix is in a group in the wol!au i have... because. if it were just him going through, just him as the wol. that part wouldn’t have hurt him. he probably would’ve responded with something like “i’m flattered you think i care” or like “i don’t think you know me as well as you think you do” and then just slaughter them all anyways with zero hesitation (honestly, if it came down to it, he probably would only hesitate with alphinaud, alisaie, or ryne - they’re kids! they didn’t ask for this! but, uh. that’s just hesitation. maybe like thirty seconds later he’d go “aw fuck it”). maximiloix would make the worst wol if he were traveling on his own with no one to keep him in check. i just found that so funny to me.

if it were just him, he honestly prolly wouldn’t be a wol. he would’ve sided with the ascians hands down without hesitation. if it wasn’t before, then it definitely would’ve been with amaurot - he probably would’ve dropped his weapon and go “yeah, that makes sense”... and then leave it be. and if he didn’t, whatever semblance of a heart he has left would have gone out to them as he learned more... even more so when he would realize that elidibus was just a child at the heart of it all. (that part really fucked me up for a bit)

--- HOKAY. THIS CUT IS TO TELL YOU THERES SOME THOUGHTS I HAVE ON THE 5.0 DRAMA TRAIN, AND I JUST WANT TO WARN YOU SO YOU CAN SKIP IT AND SCROLL PAST REAL FAST ---

obvs really late to the party here, mostly because severe anxiety and i don’t like getting caught up in shit like this

so. i saw a lot of posts going around at the time of 5.0 talking about “i hate emet-selch so much why would i want to fucking remember you” or “nope just gonna forget it cause fuck you” - i can understand peoples’ dislikes of emet-selch, as like, a person (as a character, damn. that’s some good writing and you can’t deny that) - yeah, he’s a fascist. he’s an absolute dick. there’s no atoning for shit like that irl but.

its like. my first thought reading all of that was.

“do people have reading comprehension? like. at all?”

he wasn’t saying “remember me”, he was saying “remember us” , y’know. remember that there were people before you. remember that our people suffered greatly because you are our legacy. remember not to repeat the mistakes of the past. remember all of these people that gave their lives to give you yours.

“history is learned, not lived”

literally from the game itself. this whole game is littered with gems like that. absolutely full of relatable lines, whether they be comedic or serious. this game is filled with so much that can be applied to our own lives.

“to take action is to hope. to believe-- to choose to believe, is to take the first step towards a brighter future.” “but if i may give voice to a personal desire... i rather you lived.” “the time left to you is precious” “if it is folly to hope, i am content to die a fool” “but come, turn your gaze to the window, my friend. the rains have ceased and we have been graced with another beautiful day”

“remember us. remember that we once lived.”

and so many more!! even the lyrics of some of the songs are so beautifully written and full of raw emotion that at some point, we can resonate with them.

there’s a post going around... talking about how, as people, we are desperate to be remembered. we write in diaries, we keep receipts of complaints from customers when they diss you about your poor-quality copper, we make etchings on walls of the days passed and our heights as we grow, we leave behind memoirs of times lost to us. so many of us strive for greatness... because we want to be remembered. we want to be learned. we want to be heard. we want our names to be remembered, our stories and our voices... and none of us will see that in the end. sure. family will be there - your pictures will be hung for the next few decades... but after it all? no one’s going to remember who you were in fifty, eighty, a hundred, a thousand, a million years from now. so the best we can do is to preserve what we have. to immortalize the tiny pieces of ourselves. the shitty artwork you drew when you were five, the remains of torn books and libraries, dirty figurines, hell - even the stains left in the walls and carpets of your old home. we make time capsules for a reason. all of us, collectively, are screaming out: “i lived! remember me, please! i was here, i lived, i learned, i loved! i cried, i got embarrassed, i got angry - but i was here! please remember me - remember us!”

is that not the same of what he’s saying? he doesn’t care if you remember him specifically. (would it matter to him? maybe? he’s a fictional character y’all, i can’t speak for his writers) but the message isn’t to remember him and all the things he did in his life. it was to remember that they were people. they tried their best. they failed, but they tried. and they existed. they loved. they cried. they grew. they mourned. they made mistakes.

it really peeves- maybe not in a “makes me angry sense”, but kinda annoys- me, even now, that people would throw away such an amazing message... simply because a fictional character did bad things in a fictional world, or just didn’t like them, said it. it really is a beautiful and terrifyingly sad message that people didn’t seem to get because they were focused on who said it. this is a sentiment everyone has shared, even if they didn’t know it.

for me, it really spoke. shadowbringers is, and was, one of the best expansions, i’ll say it. not just for the story but for the overall message of it. it’s fantastic. and i really hope that the people who made those comments - they won’t read this, i don’t think - but... i hope the rest of the expansion after that moment gave them that realization.

sorry for that huge vent/rant y’all. i just, that had been burning in my head for so long now and i finally got the words to say it. if you read through it all, thank you! and please don’t spread negativity on this subject. if you want to say something negative, just move on, please. it’s not worth my nor your time. you can make your own post about it, just don’t leave it on mine.

but seriously, thank you for going through all this. and trust me, it may not matter now - but i’ll remember you. i will. i’ll remember the wonderful people here in the small ways i do. ]

#ooc #ffxiv #5.3 spoilers #5.3 #shadowbringers spoilers #shadowbringers #5.0 spoilers #5.0 #little bit of uh #okay #maybe a lot of a rant at the end #but i feel things so much #and i needed to let those feels out #put my thoughts down and everything #because like everyone #i want to be remembered too

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snorlaxlovesme · 4 years ago

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This is just uh. A thing. A long thing. I actually drafted it back in July during Pride Month but chickened out before I could post it. But then I discovered that Ace Week exists and what better time to rant about the quintessential Ace Experience(TM) amiright?

I’ve struggled to define my sexuality since I was like 17. I can remember me and some of my girl friends going to the mall and talking about boys. I was currently teetering around a relationship with one of our male friends and they asked me to define why I was attracted to him and I couldn’t. They didn’t really think anything of it, moved along in the conversation and said “well X isn’t my type, so I guess I wouldn’t get it.” But the conversation stuck with me.

1. Because I never really thought the idea of a “type” was real. I didn’t think people ACTUALLY arbitrarily decided who wasn’t worthy of their affection based on a random set of archetypes. I thought they were shallow for saying that about him. I thought it was a mean concept to not let someone be “your type.”

2. Not being able to identify what I DID find attractive about him was....off. Like sure, he looked fine, but tbh he looked like an average teenage white boy and I couldn’t really pick out a physical identifier that made me want him. That seemed like a bad thought to have about one’s significant other.

Needless to say, that non-relationship went nowhere and I eventually told him I wasn’t feeling it. I thought I just wasn’t mature enough for relationships yet.

At age 18 I had my first kiss. Another male friend of ours. Another relationship I’d been teetering around. I had told him multiple times that I didn’t like the idea of dating him so soon after I had broken things off with X. It felt weird, too soon, let’s hold off. But part of me also didn’t like the fact that I was 18 and had never been kissed. It wasn’t at the forethought of my mind all the time, but it lingered back there. Maybe it was because, puberty-wise, I was a late bloomer. Maybe it was because, in my friend group, I was always somehow dubbed “the innocent one.” I didn’t want to continue being late for every major marker in life, so when Y took me up on a hill at sunset and said “I’m going to kiss you now” I let him.

It was not what I thought it would be. All the magical descriptions of kisses in YA books were drastically over-selling the experience. The first one was nice enough, but I couldn’t help but thinking “this feels exactly like kissing a relative” and being a little relieved and little disappointment that the sensation was exactly the same. The second kiss was much worse because he put his tongue in my mouth and I quickly discovered I hateddd that.

I thought that maybe it was Y’s fault. I didn’t like him the way he liked me, so there was no magic. No spark. But also maybe I was just doing it wrong? He did kind of imply that I wasn’t the best kisser (god, how romantic) and so maybe the more we did it the more I would like it?

We went on one more date after that, and almost every time we made eye contact he tried to kiss me. It was horrible. I spent the better part of the day actively trying to not look at him because I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want to do it anymore. That seemed like a bad thought to have about one’s significant other.

Needless to say, it didn’t work out. I’d like to say I handled the situation as maturely as with X, but in reality I ghosted this kid for like 2.5 months and eventually sent him a facebook message saying I wasn’t feeling it. I figured I wasn’t mature enough for relationships yet.

College I had no time for relationships, or so I told myself. Maybe I didn’t have the mental capacity for them because I was too busy wishing I would get hit by a bus (higher education did not go great for someone with undiagnosed ADHD). I kind of assumed everyone also felt the same way, but people were coupling up around me left and right. Everyone had the same stressors I had, maybe even more so, and yet they had time to form new relationships and have noisy sex in the dorm room next to mine. I didn’t have time, though.

My roommate asked me in those first few years if maybe I was asexual. I actually got mad at her for even implying it. Asexuals were emotionless robots who were so repulsed by sex they didn’t even want to THINK about it. I talked about sex with my friends all the time! I masturbated when she wasn’t around like every other day! How dare she even insinuate that I might be one of those people. I just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship yet.

And sure, I’d been on tumblr for years at that point. I’d been relatively educated about the LGBT community and its various factions. But nothing about it screamed ME. All those people seemed to have the same shared experience of knowing who they were since forever, of experiencing some form of discrimination based on who they were. I had always been straight, right? And no one’s ever discriminated me for who I liked.

It was weird, though. Getting older and hearing more and more people talking about sex and just like, NOT feeling the same way. Was talking to my friends in a group chat one day, and one of them was head over heels for one of her coworkers. Not in love, but I-wanna-rip-off-your-McDonald’s-uniform-and-fuck-you-right-here-in-the-break-room (do McD’s even have break rooms? whatever) lust. She’s like, “you know that electricity you feel when you’re next to someone you really, really like. where every time you get close to them you feel this MAGNETISM and your entire body feels hot--”

--and all I could think of was how that sounded EXACTLY how Bella described her feeling towards Edward in Twilight, and just how ridiculous it sounded. That’s some YA bullshit, that’s not real.

And then our other friend in the chat was like “yeah.”

Oh. Well I guess I just have a lower sex-drive than you guys. That’s whatever.

I didn’t really identify as asexual until I saw a post about an aspec identity called autochorissexuality.

The term autochorissexual describes a subset of asexuality which is defined as: a disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein.

That...kinda sounded like me....

Like I said, I masturbated and all that jazz so I assumed I couldn’t be asexual. I literally loved orgasms. I read smut and watched porn to get off like I assumed the rest of the world did, not even really realizing that a lot of people...get off...thinking about people doing stuff....to THEM.

I do not think about people I know when I masturbate. It feels incredibly weird for them to pop up in any of my fantasies, and I kinda just assumed that meant I wasn’t attracted to any of them (which I’m not), so it was fine. It didn’t really occur to me that I literally NEVER fantasize about myself when I get off. If I read smut I’m thinking of the characters. If I watch porn I’m thinking of the actors. Never am I imagining someone hot and sexy doing hot and sexy things to me. I’m not even very good at getting off based on my imagination alone, unless I’m basically writing my own smut in my head and imagining what THEY enjoy. The thought of imagining things being done to ME feels weirdly...embarrassing? I don’t know. I don’t dig it, so I don’t think it.

Again, it did NOT even occur to me that that might not be how other people operated.

I also didn’t know that asexuality COULD have subcategories like that, other than aromanticism, which was an identity I toyed with for a while and ultimately am still unsure about.

But learning that liking orgasms =/= allosexual was kind of a wake-up for me.

After learning about autochorissexuality (which, while I am incredibly, infinitely grateful that someone coined that term so I could learn more about myself, I will never identify as because it is a mouthful and I honestly don’t know how to pronounce it), I began identifying as asexual. I was 21 at the time. I’m almost 26 now.

A couple people know. Mostly people who follow me on tumblr that I also know in real life. I never really had to “come out” to them per se because they saw my posts and rolled with it. Wasn’t a big deal. I think that I actually had a conversation and TOLD those friends in that group chat, but that didn’t feel like coming out, more like all of us finally coming to a realization about me we should have figured out a lot earlier. Also, they’re friends from tumblr, so they’re not the types to make a big deal out of that stuff either.

Even though I have a couple of tumblr friends that I skype with regularly, I don’t really bring it up in conversation that much. Like two of my irl friends (who, again, follow me on tumblr) know, and we don’t really talk about it much either. It’s there, we all know, but if I don’t bring it up, they don’t either.

I’ve never really “come out” before. Had to sit someone down and have the conversation. Part of me thinks it’s kind of pointless, because whether or not I’m sexually attracted to others isn’t any anyone else’s business, really. It doesn’t super impact my work life or my life with my friends or family, so why does it need to be said? If I decided I liked women and wanted to date one, that would be a big change that I’d have to address to someone. But me being asexual is just me continuing to not have sex with anyone, the way I always have. Seems like a weird thing to cause a fuss about.

But it’s part of me. And I want to talk about it sometimes.

But I don’t even know how that conversation would go. Asexuality is a relatively invisible subset of the LGBTQIA+ community. Like, it’s the last letter, the one that often gets cut off. And when people do bring up the A, it’s for Ally. I’m not gonna get into the discussion about that, I don’t know enough queer history to form a hot take, but the point still stands that many people don’t know about asexuality. And while it seems relatively easy to explain, I guess--

”I don’t experience sexual attraction”

--it also feels way more complex than that. And I’m not very good at articulating why I’m NOT something else when I have a hard time identifying what that something even IS. I was the kid who thought having a “type” was shallow and mean! It didn’t occur to me that people’s sexual fantasies INCLUDE THEMSELVES AS PARTICIPANTS. So how do I explain my lack of attraction to people?

But maybe I’m being too reductive of the masses. Like, I’m not the brightest bulb in the bunch but *I* was able to learn what was asexuality was on my own. Who’s to say others haven’t? Maybe I won’t need to give an informative slideshow every time I come out to someone.

...But what if I’m wrong? What if I get into a relationship one day and I find myself INCREDIBLY attracted to my partner? What if I get into a relationship with a WOMAN one day and realize that I was les/bi/pan this whole time? I know that demisexuality exists, I know that sexuality is a spectrum and people are constantly learning about themselves and evolving. I don’t want to downplay that or..or...invalidate that. I know. But I’m an idiot. And I can’t help feeling that if I come out and commit to fun new adjective about myself and then all of a sudden that adjective doesn’t fit me anymore I’ll be labelled as fraud for forever and ever.

I know that’s probably unlikely for the most part. But it’s still something that’s there in my mind that I feel every time I think about talking about it.

I don’t know. Part of me doesn’t know why I’m writing this post because there isn’t some grand conclusion to my narrative or sweeping answer to my problems. My story continues for as long as I live and maybe things will change and maybe they won’t. I’d like to be able to come out one day and say it. To my sisters. To my coworkers. To some random dude hitting on me who seems kind enough to understand there’s a reason I’m reluctant to flirt back. Probably not to my parents. I don’t know if I want to present the slideshow to them about my lack of sex life, nor do I think they would handle my act of vulnerability with grace or tact (boomers, y’know).

I guess I can end this post by saying that it’s not all bad. Not being “out” kinda sucks, but right now, knowing is enough. There are a hundred other micro situations from my past similar to the ones I spelled out above that made me wonder what was wrong with me. I wanted to be able to like someone the way other people did, to have a normal relationship, but I couldn’t force myself to do it and I didn’t know what was stopping me. The whole am I just broken conversation whirled through my head many a night in college when insomnia prevented me from sleeping and depression stopped me from giving myself a fucking break. It sucked, and maybe it’s a little grim to think of asexuality as a diagnosis to a lifetime of symptoms, but that’s kind of what it felt like.

And that’s not bad! Why? Because i know that I’m not alone and that this is NORMAL . Being asexual is not being broken! It’s something that many people identify with! And honestly that thought alone thrills me enough to make this whole ridiculous narrative worth it. There’s a whole world of people out there feeling the exact same way as me, and none of us are wrong for feeling that way. It is unreal the kind of confidence that gives you.

My friend from earlier, the one who desperately wanted to bang her co-worker, she said something to me the other day that struck me with how far I’ve come in terms of my identity. I was sobbing to her on the phone about a shitty thing in my life, as one does, and she pointed out how the strangest things will get to you while others don’t even have an effect. If someone mentions how I don’t have my drivers license at the ripe old age of 25 I legitimately have a breakdown on the phone with her about it, but if people make jokes about me being a virgin I don’t even bat an eye.

And it IS weird. If someone would have made a virgin joke at me at age 20 I probably would have spiralled into one of my late-night, crying-into-my-pillow sessions about how much I fucking SUCK at being a human, but at age 25 it’s just...whatever. As someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, why WOULD I have had sex already? If I don’t seek it out, don’t want it, it’s not gonna be a part of my life, you know? And I don’t care. Past me, without this identifier, would have cared deeply. Current me could go her entire life without having sex and I don’t think it would drastically effect her mood.

It’s weird how one little word can turn things around for you like that.

#ace #long post #asexual awareness week

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aching-tummies · 4 years ago

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This is kinda awkward but like.. I'm an asexual with a tummy kink and I just wanted to let you know that seeing your posts I don't feel so alone in the world anymore.. I thought I was weird or gross for wanting something so innocently but it makes me happy to see Tumblr blogs that indulge in the things that most people would be too embarrassed to admit. I too love tummy growls and I hope one day to find someone that is willing to put up with my weird kink, lol. Hope you're having a splendid day

Thank you! I hope you have a great day too, whomever you are. ^^

Wow...I know I just made a post where I mentioned how I didn't like to get political or stray away from tummy-stuff...and this response definitely gears more toward pushing the concept of "asexual" than tummy-kink...but...well, this person chose to ask as 'anon' so a public answer is the only way for me to let them know I received their message and that what they said is 100% valid. So...forgive me for maybe straying away from tummy kink in this post despite what I just posted in the "DMs?" post. Also, I really hope I don't open the floodgates to "(a)sexuality" debates on this blog. I just want to let this person know that what they said was valid. I don't want to become some hub for asexuality stuff...there are other forums for that. The stuff under the cut is my response to this anon...so I hope people don't read some of these things and take them out of context or try to nudge me to share more about my "other hats"...'cuz I've got some pretty firm comfort levels on sharing that sort of stuff and that level is currently set to 'nope'.

It was odd for me to reconcile "kink" and "asexual" for a long time because "kink" is usually tied together with sexual stuff...but through talking with other aces and reading stuff that asexual people shared online I realized that I'm more into the sensual aspect of tummy-kink rather than the potential sexual aspect. The idea that bodily pleasure didn't have to involve intercourse was a major realization for me and it allowed me to feel comfortable with my feelings/desires.

The way I read about it, getting handsy with someone--basically anything more intense (in duration or whatever) than a simple hug between friends was automatically seen as sexual territory. Like...there are friends and then there are people you sleep with--it felt like those were the only two modes of human interaction...the asexual forums I went on had a bunch of people pushing for the idea that it's a spectrum...and if that were too hard to understand then it was about having a third mode...where one could touch and pleasure each other without exchanging bodily fluids or sticking body parts into other people.

In my mind, I just wanted tummy rubs/manipulation and to feel the sensations within my guts...without the expectation that the pants would have to come off or that the roaming hands would be allowed to mess with other parts of my anatomy. Like, in my mind hands must stay between where the bra stops and where the underwear starts. That's as far into handsy as I'd want anyone to get so far.

As for me writing about stuff that "most people would be too embarrassed to admit"...that's why I made this sideblog. Some people IRL know my main and I have other blogs for different facets of my life. It's sort of like putting on different hats or wearing a costume. As 'aching-tummies', I'm just a tummy-kink blog and that's the main focus of my blog and all I want to talk about under this username. Embarrassment isn't too high of a hurdle when nobody can link 'aching-tummies' to 'me' or whatever. It took me a long time to decide to make this blog and when I first started I didn't know what form this blog would take. I'd experiment by writing about my own experiences with stomach woes, writing it on a word processor or something...and I'd think long and hard about whether or not to post before I did. A lot of what I write in regards to tummy-kink or personal experiences actually doesn't make it onto this blog because I'm too embarrassed or whatever. I only started posting more when I managed to put this into words: I am the master of this blog--I control what I will and will not post on here or what I will or will not answer. I created this blog as an outlet for my kinky thoughts. I don't care about my follower-count or if even nobody were to send me an ask or whatever--that's all bonus stuff...but the main purpose for what I do on this blog is to give myself an outlet for tummy-kink. I post or reblog or interact only to the levels I am comfortable with and when I'm not in the mood or uncomfortable I close the tab and do other things.

You're not alone, by the way: I also hope to one day find someone that'll be into stomach-stuff the same way I am. I don't know how that'd work out though 'cuz I can't even imagine myself being bold enough to share my kink with anybody in real life. Like...how do I even do that? Do I shove a fanfic with some of the stuff I'd like to try at them and tell them, "uhm...read this...I...I want that...sort of...p-pay close attention to paragraph 37...the one that's highlighted...uhm...the equipment is in a box under the bed...I-I'll be waiting...or sleeping..."? I'd probably die of embarrassment simply for opening the tab with them in the room. Also, considering my (lack of) sexuality and my cultural upbringing I wouldn't be down for looking for a partner exclusively for tummy-stuff...like...the idea of having tummy-kink being our first commonality wouldn't sit right with me. So...yeah...perpetually stuck trying to indulge in fantasy over here too. -_-

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vylette-takeda · 5 years ago

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Moments of Clarity - Personal

♪" You were under the impression

That when you were walking forwards

You'd end up further onward

But things ain't quite that simple. "♪

*Personal Thoughts to Follow, if you do not want to read such, move along. :) *

How long should you knock on the same door with no answer before you give up?

Turns out, sometimes I knock for way too long. I hear the party going on inside and I want to come and be a part of it, but either the music is too loud or people are too preoccupied, or sadly they peek through the blinds, see it is me, and ignore the knocking. Meanwhile I watch the back door creak open and people sneak in there.

Whatever the case, my arm is tired, and I am done knocking. Because of my social anxiety disorder friendships in meatspace can be very difficult if not impossible to maintain. A disorder which was manageable through early life has gotten worse over time. For this reason, I often find I try to make friendships online. See, in cyberspace I get to be the real me. Sure I am anxious and have issues like so very many people here, but I *can* be social. I *can* “go out” virtually. I *can* be myself. It’s hard to say precisely why, but some of the old approaches that always seemed to work well before in WoW, SWTOR and myriad other games have not really worked well here. Perhaps I had extremely good luck in the past, since others always told me their horror stories and nothing like that ever happened to me. (Unless you count when I was stalked irl because of it but that is a different story). Perhaps I just had bad luck in some circles here? Who can say? I have asked people, very frankly and received puzzling and contradictory information and advice. What I can say is I have to make some changes.

I have wanted to for a while with certain things but the road has been tough and the eternal optimist in me always feels like “things will turn around! Just give it more time!” but it is simply not healthy to follow that course any more. There is something to be said for optimism and sticking it out of course, but at some point you become that random annoyance knocking on the door that is never going to open. You are not on the list and the velvet ropes are there to keep you out. Also, no matter if you are genuinely kind or nice to them or how much you desire it to be so, not everyone wants to be your friend, or hang out with you, or even acknowledge your existence. This is *NOT* a “call out” post, these are just my own meandering thoughts. It is no secret to people who know me that I have had some struggles this past year or so. Ups and downs. Some people entered my life that proved to be negative even if they attempted to appear positive. A precious few, @mai-takeda chief among them, brought in a lot of positivity and I am grateful for them. I guess then in a way this is a call out post. I am calling out Mai for being awesome :P I am not listing others at this time.

Anyway, this is mostly for me. Kind of like a journal entry. I wanted to just get some stuff out and figured this was a good enough place. It also can help explain some of the rationale behind my being so disengaged lately. I am slowly making my way back to tumblr and trying to at least keep up with tags and the extremely rare message I receive (another cause of frustration since it seems many people are interested in being friends ONLY if you are willing to ship or erp with them. As soon as you are in a ship quite a few lose any and all interest in you as a person) but I am not sure if I will ever get back to the level of involvement I once had. If you read this and took something from it or appreciated it, then I thank you. If you felt like this should not have been posted I remind you the body was below a cut and simply put “my page my rules.” 98% of what I post here is FF content and aesthetics including responding to others or re-sharing and supporting their content. The remaining 2% is other content I find interesting, funny, or cool enough to post as well as the occasional personal commentary. If this bothers you, I am sorry but respectfully if you find what I post bothersome you can un-follow me or choose not to read it. No longer will I allow *ANYONE* to tell me what I can or cannot post. I will not give into past pressures to “Share more of my posts” nor will I be made to feel bad when I share something from another person that someone else does not like. I allowed people to do this to me in the past and all it did was cause me angst and make me upset. In fact, it was a large reason I started to avoid using tumblr. (Bonus gratuitous Bowie picture.)

If someone approaches me to not share something, with the exceptions of content you own (artwork etc.) or something that is embarrassing or hurtful to you *AND* is based on you (Ie - a picture of your toon in an embarrassing light etc.) I will shut that shit down immediately, no exceptions.

Additionally, I will continue with my policy of staying out of tumblr drama as best I can. This applies in particular to things that occurred before I even was playing FF or on tumblr! Just because I post a picture set I like from someone you do not like, it does not mean we hang out on Saturday nights painting each others toenails or that I am choosing sides in a drama I probably do not even know about.I use this platform to network, make contacts and friends and share content related to a hobby I enjoy. I hope you enjoy the things I post! If you do not, I am sorry to hear that, and wish you well in finding a page more in tune with your tastes. Now if after all this you are still here AND are not planning on hitting the un-follow button AND think you might want to be more than tumblr mutuals, hit me up! Send me a note. Drop me a line. Use a smoke signal. Whatever. I know I am interested in more friends. I like to think that despite my flaws I am a pretty ok person. I guess ask people who I have actually spoken with or hung out in game with. I would also like to build some lasting RP contacts that want to enjoy this nerdy game together. I can also offer as an added bonus a rambln raen girl who I am often with as part of the package. I know this was a lot for most people to want to read and I do not take it personal if no one is still reading at this point. Again, I posted this mostly for myself. It also helps me to track thoughts and feelings that get muddled over time.

Thanks.

#ooc thoughts of the mun #ch-ch-ch-changes #keep on knockin but you can't come in!#shuttin shit down

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suggers-got-dingled · 5 years ago

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I can’t believe it’s taken me a whole ass week (!!!) to find the right measure of words to say and yet I can only think of two and that’s thank you.

It’s not as though I can sit the lads down directly (although at the moment there’s a different two words to say to a certain RH because that emotional damage is intractable and I will never forgive js) so all my gratitude is being spewed here instead. My little online space separated from the real world. The place I can unapologetically be the inane and overemotional idiot I am without judgement (or at least I hope to think so lol).

I know I’ve never been the conventionally ~popular~ tumblr user. I didn’t have my groups chats or people waiting for me to come online (blame my anxiety) but I had welcomed freedom and rapport with a bunch of strangers who started to feel like proper friends. And then there is my irl friends. My best friends. My soulmates. The ones I couldn’t live without and the ones I would have been missing in every fibre of my being without the existence of this epic soap ship.

It’s absurd for some to assimilate - which I guess is why I’m pouring my little dead heart out on the platform I feel total acceptance - but this fandom literally changed my life and me as a person. You don’t want to know what goes on in my head sometimes but every weekday at 7pm and beyond was a chance to block those nasties out. I could forget my health problems weighing me down and just smile and laugh and belong. The years embodying this magical and messy love story with you bunch of fellow loons was the most fun, frivolous and fundamental escapism I’ve ever had and needed and I couldn’t have asked for a more finer experience sharing the good and the bad and the damn right crazy on this wild rollercoaster ride.

I guess I’m writing this because it’s only been 7 whole days and I can already sense the slipping away. We all know there was no other option but to force the ramifications of this narrative but it doesn’t make it easier. It’s a tough challenge seeing something so unforgettably solid breaking apart and it’s even tougher not knowing how you’re going to harvest the leftovers because the inevitable is moving on and dispersing and how are you supposed to unchain yourself from a forever fence?!?

I’m trying to look at it logically. That, for me, last Friday was the satisfying ending and tragic parting which felt final and which I desired for two people still so madly and unconditionally in love. That anything after that is purely plot having to move forward. And that everything before that is an open book ready to be revisited.

The concluded chapter has closed and the show carries on without one of its leads but that doesn’t undermine what the story meant to us. They’re erasing Robert from the picture because they have to; because when an actor has gone, they’ve gone. That’s not to say it just stops being special and loses its importance. The incredible moments are still there. They haven’t disappeared and suddenly turned valueless. They happened and now it’s a matter of prolonging that because nothing has changed in that department.

Still, keeping that mentality up for weeks, months, years to come is something difficult to promise. The history of Robron stays petrified in stone but sticking around in the present of missing one half starts to feel flat and bleak. I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to hate what’s on screen. I don’t want to lose touch with this connection. I don’t want to hear it’s over. I don’t want to let go of something that’s been such a strong and significant part of my life (my attachment issues are screaming). And I don’t want to just end up disappearing without saying my piece and wrapping it up with love and positivity because I really, truly do. I love this community, I love the characters, I love this journey both they and we have been on and I love the memories it’s blessed me with.

But that’s not me waving goodbye. God no. It’s me appreciating this whilst it’s still new and echoing the fact whatever happens they can’t take away nor taint what we had and have installed internally (and eternally). I’ll continue to lurk and be active in celebrating these boys; even detaching from canon if I have to for my own sanity. And I’ll continue enjoying it with you bloody beautifully brilliant lot; even when you’re destroying me further with your talent and transfixing me with your words. (Unless Aaron starts going gooey over another fella and you revel in it, then I’ll have no choice but to disown you whilst tearing my eyes out and planning your murder. Even if you are my only and most dependable selfie validators. Soz.)

I found those two. I found my people. And I found who I’m meant to be. That deserves a thank you accolade made of gold, but instead you get this! <3

#long post #i fully sobbed writing this so you better appreciate it hehehe #just feeling all sorts of emotions again and my mind is really on one #i know this is more than 2 words and more like 2000 #but it’s been a gift lads #i’d even go as far as saying a better gift than maxine alderton #i’ll be right here to stay until ryan announces his return don’t you worry #you’re not getting rid of me that easily #soppiness will be restored once he does also x #robron

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oscar-mildes · 5 years ago

Note

elvira you know I always see what you're hiding in the tags,, I will always read it if you answer all of them abhsjdbs

nev you asked for this and im going to go thru with it bc im an oversharing idiot like oh you asked me how’s the weather i will tell you about all my trauma instead :D

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? i’m cis yo i’m she/her. i’m biromantic ace. thats the label i would put on it i guess. i really just refer to myself as gay bc i like pretty boys who look like girls and pretty girls and pretty nb and queer people and basically i just like pretty people ajsfbjf

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? theres no story to it. no epiphany or realization. i just always was ok with thinking that girls were pretty and that gay people are cool and it wasnt until recent years that i was like oH SHIT AM I GAY

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? no i guess bc i’m a girl and id as a girl and have a very obvious girl body

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? i guess my best friend. we’re both very ok with gay shit and we just always made comments about pretty girls and now we’re both pretty gay. i like my big tiddie anime girls and she likes her pretty kpop girl bands

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? i’ve only “come out” to some of my friends. i would NEVER in my LIFE even imagine telling my mom i like girls. shes homophobic Like That

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? uhh see above. my mom, stepdad, family members are all homophobic. hispanics in general are Like That rip. i think my dad would be the most ok with it but he lives in mexico and i dont talk to him often anyway. doesnt matter

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? i hate when people ask me about the ace part. like they have a bigger problem about my not wanting to have sex over the liking girls part tbh. sometimes it’s difficult for me to even describe where i am on the ace spectrum. it’s honestly the more difficult part

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. basic nerd. you know those fics like “she dressed in a black t-shirt, skinny jeans, and all star converse” yea that she is me

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ajkfj this is a good question and canon wise i love Ash and Eiji from Banana Fish, Uenoyama and Mafuyu from Given, Nezumi and Shion from No. 6, and Simon and Baz from Carry On. Not canon i love Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho, Izuku and Todoroki from My Hero Academia, and Inosuke and Tanjiro from Demon Slayer. Note how most of them are anime i

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? i dont really wear any bc im lazy. if you like it you do you but idrc for it? except for lipstick i LOVE lipstick i have all the colors. i wear it so it distracts people from the rest of my face

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? ...no

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? i live in the south so ive heard tons of shit talk about gay people. i dont really have any that stand out. my mom just likes to say that we’re going to hell :D so let’s give em a show ay

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? i guess i like how we find solidarity in each other just bc we’re not straight. most of the lgbt+ folks i know are pretty chill about everything

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? terfs but they dont count

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? i live in a small town and i could never sneak out of my house for that bc i still live with my mom so no

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? theres so many big celebrities now that id as lgbt+ but im going old school and loving my man, my tumblr url namesake mr Oscar Wilde. my man got put in jail for sodomy

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? lmao never bc im mean, ugly, and terrible at talking to people irl. i had a bf in middle school? but bc i was 12 i dont count it

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Carry On and the sequel Wayward Son. (very anxiously waiting for book 3 Anyway the Wind Blows come on Rainbow Rowell)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? for being gay? no. bc im not really out. ive faced discrimination for being a brown woman tho :)))

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? yall i love gay anime: Given, Banana Fish, No. 6, Yuri on Ice yeee. i dont really watch tv with real people but i think that Brooklyn 99 does a very good job with Holt and Rosa yall im love Rosa

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? theres bloggers??? um idk i love u nev so you count right @why-do-you-pick-flowers

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? for a while everyone was mad as hell about “im gay for ___” and idk im gay for everything so thats a “slur” i use for myself

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? ive never gone omg i’d probably be intimidated as hell like i have a lot of problems just existing so to be existing around very flamboyant and extravagant people like that makes me break into a nervous sweat

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? ive always felt like a girl even tho my mom always said “oh you like boy things??? you should have been born a boy” but like, your likes and dislike dont determine your gender. i like “boy” things and “dress like a boy” but i dont FEEL like a boy. ive never had any desire to become a boy or id as a boy. gender is a social construct fuck society

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? i have a very complicated relationship with children. babies are ugly and toddlers are annoying but i feel like if i had children i would love them obviously because theyre mine. this is gonna be a weird analogy but like i dislike cats. BUT i have cats. and i love the fuck outta them. so i feel like thatd be me with kids. but im ace so like.... who would even have kids with me. i could not. pregnancy seems like a hassle and adoption is... i have thoughts on that but thats for a different post. also i can see myself being married and not having children OR having kids without a spouse. theres just something complicated about having both??? maybe im just fucked in the head idk bro

What identity advice would you give your younger self? you dont hate girls you like them, dumbass

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? fuck gender roles. get pegged, bros. i also have a very specific dynamic if i ever got into a relationship (which you know. wont happen) but like if i dated a guy i feel like i’d be very top. a MAN telling ME what to do??? fuck that. but if i dated a pretty girl??? top me pls

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? i think ive already said too much oh god someone is gonna look at this and be like what the FUCK but like lmao dont be afraid to ask me i apparently have no shame

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? it’s scary at first because you think “im not normal” but like pray tell me what is normal. do what makes you happy. fuck society

Why are proud to be lgbt+? i’m comfortable with the people i like. i might not be very confident and i have depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, probs adhd or ocd idfk but at least i know if i see a pretty girl or smth im gonna be like wow that girl is pretty and have no bad thoughts about it. it’s just how it be. after a lot of dissecting my past behavior, ive always been this way. you cant change who you are. just accept it

#asks #nev you asked for this #oversharing??? me??? never #lgbt stuff #im gay yall

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agirlinhell · 5 years ago

Photo

my blog: [reaches 100+ followers]

my eyes: ey yo look like i’m goin for a swim

HOLY SHIT IT’S BEEN A BIT OVER A YEAR AND Y’ALL ARE STILL HERE?? jfc I LOVE YOU GUYS. in all seriousness, though, i met just the greatest people ever while i’ve been here and uuuuuuuugh, I LOVE interacting with each and every one of you, i love seeing you guys on my dash and I JUST AGLGGALJGAGALJGAGLAJ so thank you all so much for sticking with me through this. i probably don’t deserve it and you’re all here anyway<333

before we get real deep into this: thank you. whoever you are, if you’re reading this, i’m thanking you. for being here, for following this trash ass blog and loving this muse as much as i do. also i’m thanking you for waking up today, for drinking water and eating your food, for doing your chores, for taking a shower, brushing your teeth, for taking a nap, for getting through yet ANOTHER DAY OF THIS BITCH OF A PLANET. and even if you did none of those things — thank you. stay with us. this world needs you. all of us are unique. there’s no one like you,

thank you for existing - i love you.

NOW LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TO DEFEAT THE HUNS

i hope you’re all ready bitches bc IMMA SHOWER Y’ALL WITH LOVE:

@keptmanners / @morefinesse / @worldendured : I’VE SAID THIS SO MANY TIMES BUT UUUUUUUUUGH, this person right here, ande, is one of the people responsible for this blog being what it is today. no joke. when i was at my worst (activity wise) ande was always here, replying to our shit, plotting and discussing concepts and screaming about our muses and just being nice and kind and understanding to me whenever we talked. the relationship we built between clem and ruby/louis/your muses was one of the things that kept me from leaving this blog altogether, so thank you so much - i honestly really appreciate and admire you.

@taggedbastard / @paulklee-guild: listen to me YOU LITTLE SHIT AKJAJGAGLJGA no jk, i love you so much and that’s so crazy because we haven’t even been talking for that long - we deadass started talking like two-three days ago? like, we fell in love with each other bc we’re cancerians and with the OTP in like 0.2 seconds and it was beautiful??? UGH I LOVE YOU BITCH AND I AIN’T NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BITCH.

@prctecthem : TSUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!! i got you, okay? but seriously, thank you for becoming such a good friend and great person to talk to these last few weeks. i am so glad to have met you <3 AND I LOVE OUR THREADS WHAT THE FUCK?? like we should have hundreds of them, honestly. no jk <3 bUT MAYBE???

@weprevail : BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!! I LOVE HOPE SO MUCH??? A VALID LEGEND IN THE RPC!! SHE SPOILS ME WITH LEE, DUCK, MITCHENTNE AND VIOLETINE CONTENT AND I CR Y!!! i love when we talk about stuff!! you can do it, you can accomplish your dreams, i believe in you - i’ve got your back okay??<33

@rcdhccdie : IRL BESTIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE GRADUATING AND THAT YOU’RE ABLE TO KICK SCHOOL RIGHT IN THE ASS!! ILY ILY ILY ILY - I’LL SEE YOU SOON, OKAY??<333

the bad bitch brigade:

@dcadrct, @stillgcod & @mortuism: MY HOMIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. no seriously like, artie, merc and jude are the some of the bestest friends on tumblr/discord that i could have ever asked for and i can’t imagine my life without them anymore. i mean, lmao, i have more verses with them combined than anyone else in the world, artie and merc are just ALWAYS THERE WHEN I WANT TO TALK TO THEM AND I JUST !!!! <#3333 AND JUDE IS DOING HIS BEST AND I LOVE AND SUPPORT A LEGEND!! artie destroys my ass with marlontine / clouis angst/fluff, merc has me crying up in the club about sophietine and jaiko and jude makes me cry like a little bitch with his lee, carl, violet, brody and lilly content i am truly honored and glad to share this muse with such wonderful people ( or at least formerly in merc’s case ALGJGAAGLAGALJ ) and to just be your friend???? y’all have always been there to call me out on my shit if i ever fuck up and i get my shit together accordingly so i really appreciate it - y’all are also some HILARIOUS ASF PEOPLE

the gay juicebox squad

(or people i love interacting with and want to interact with/talk to even MORE &&& people that i JUST started interacting with and WANT TO KEEP GOING BC YOU’RE PERFECTION – &&&&&&& PEOPLE I HAVE PLOTTED WITH BUT I STILL OWE A STARTER / REPLY TO BC I SUCK, BUT I’M EXCITED TO RP WITH AAAAAAAA ):

@twdgdeadmanwalking, @rcdhccdie @creolejesus, @corpsepaintd, @zombeam, @pyrrhaeic, @weprevail , @crackinthewhip, @youngshct @we-are-strcng @livesrot @reekcd @corpsepaintd @forgedvalor @goldenngore @emsorcism @thecomplication @sympaheart @almostskylight @agirlofwinterfell

the SENPAIS

(bc i stalk you from far, far away and we either don’t talk much/at all and never interacted and i want that to change but i’m too intimidated by your everyday PERFECTION AND FLAWLESSNESS ON MY DASH):

@killthebxy @sevenbled @plannedahead @zaldrczes @highhking @creaturologist @dracharenae

IF I FORGOT ANYONE: i am sorry. i occasionally suck. plus, it’s deadass late. but i suck. yeah. love y’all <3

now let’s do the giveaway thing!!!

MY APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, ACTIVE (some inactive bc i’m trash) & TALENTED PEOPLE THAT I FOLLOW & THAT FOLLOW ME, CATEGORIZED.

THE WALKING DEAD

@twdgdeadmanwalking, @crackinthewhip, @keptmanners @prctecthem @morefinesse @stillgcod @dcadrct @victuus @weprevail @mortuism @shitbircl @ofstonerisms @worldendured @childtroubled AND SO MANY MORE

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE/GAME OF THRONES

@killthebxy, @longmayshereignxcersei @reekcd, @zaldrczes, @dracharenae @goldenngore @mcsttrusted @bcarexiled AND SO MANY MORE

HARRY POTTER

@creaturologist

NARUTO

@bitiing @cursemcrked

GANGSTA.

@taggedbastard @paulklee-guild @forgedvalor

FANDOMLESS & MUMU & OTHER FANDOMS & FANDOMS I’M NOT TOO FAMILIAR WITH

@emsorcism @ncvabcrn @illicios @corpsepaintd @creolejesus @xendure @sevenbled @bonezone @bloominghands AND SO MANY MORE

;& PERSONALS

YOU’RE LIKE THE BEST? i have no idea why so many of you follow me, but i’m super happy to know that you like this blog for some reason. thank you for being here with me. you ROCK!!! ALL OF YOU!!!

a few honorable mentions: @aesthetic-survivor-of-twd @thewalkingclementine @rascet and @twdgjames!!<3

____________________________________________________________________________________________

As for the giveaway, I offer the following prizes: one drabble, one edit/promo, five to ten icons, or an aesthetic / moodboard - the choice is entirely yours.

-None of the art unless otherwise stated that will be used in aesthetics and edits are mine.

-I will mostly be doing individuals for aesthetics/drabbles/promo’s/icons, but if you want me to have it ship related, and if i can find the right pictures for aesthetics and icons, this will be done, too.

-If a winner desires a drabble for a prize, I will write any genre you want me to, but you must tell me what exactly you want. The genre, the characters, the settings, the events, canon or alternate universe, what happens in a plot ( if there is any ), whether or not there’s a ship. Lengths and verses may vary. Oneshot, only, no multichapters.

-For aesthetics, the programs I use are ipiccy because unfortunately I don’t have nor use photoshop at the moment. You must tell me exactly what you want.

-My drabbles / aesthetics / icons DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE WALKING DEAD RELATED. I’m perfectly happy with doing prizes in relation to our muses and in other fandoms / alternate universes / crossovers.

-I can show you previews of icons, drabbles, aesthetics and edits while I am doing them, but once I am done with the results, I will not be doing a second version or an update.

-THERE WILL BE FOUR WINNERS.

-We MUST be mutuals - meaning you must be following me in order to have a chance to win.

-Feel free to like and reblog this as many times as you want - it increases your chances.

-However, I must warn you that, due to time restrictions on my part, your prizes might possibly come in a bit slower, I apologize, but it’s the constraints that bind me to this.

-The winners have until tonight at 8:00PM EST, approximately TWELVE HOURS FROM NOW, to be exact, due to time constraints on my part, to contact me. If you do not contact me after tonight is over, you will not earn your prize and it will be given to someone else at random, just as it is with the chosen winners.

#IF WE'RE GONNA DIE WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE FUN FIRST. ( FOLLOW FOREVER. )#( yOOOOOOOO THIS IS CRAZ Y )

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scullyeffect · 6 years ago

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how do you feel about younger people in fandom? like the youngest side that are probably on tumblr i.e 13/14ish?

i don’t know if you mean in the x-files fandom, or just younger people getting involved into fandom stuff online nowadays so i’m just going to go with a generalization.

i’m nobody’s mother and interests are healthy, and honestly i’m 23 so i don’t know anything about anything yet, but i will say that i live with a 15 y/o girl, a 13 y/o girl, and an 11 y/o girl, and i find myself very sad when all they want to do is go on a phone and watch youtube videos and be online instead of doing something more creative or intellectual.

we had a birthday party for 11 last night, and we had to take phones away from like six 10-11 year olds, which is ridiculous. i do understand that we live in a big city (paris, which isn’t exactly the safest) and lots of kids do things independently (walk to school, walk to friends’ houses, take the métro) so sometimes i worry about 11 (who doesn’t have a phone) if she needs to take the métro alone or walk somewhere alone, and i wish she did have some way to reach me if ever she got lost or something, but 11 is so young.

i think in a world that’s become so increasingly digitized and almost making it necessary to be connected in some way, kids are growing up faster, and some of the posts online and on tumblr talk about things they might not understand yet, and cause them to form opinions based on a text post some 18 y/o wrote. i’m even guilty of this. i’ll get too lazy to keep up with the real world and get my politics from tumblr sometimes, and that’s probably not good, even though mainstream news sources can do the same thing. my mom worked for the washington post, and that’s pretty much the only place i get my news from.

i probably got my first tumblr account when i was 15, and honestly i regret it. i was a pretty sheltered kid/teenager who really enjoyed reading, doing art, writing, and watching sad european dramas about dead sovereigns and suffering artists. i somehow discovered pro-ana blogs (blogs that share and encourage eating disorders to the point where healthy people can begin to actively attempt to follow insane tips in order to lose weight), and since i actually had been having trouble with my own eating habits but never really known that those behaviors were bizarre, i self-diagnosed and was part of that “community” for awhile.

i was interested/ in love with lots of actors and actresses, and as i made it out of kind of the pro-ana area which i realized which was unhealthy lol i found out about stan culture and just real obsession with movie stars/celebrities. when i was a younger teen i was “obsessed” with meryl streep, which at that time meant that i watched all her films repeatedly. i didn’t realize people cared about the actors/actresses’ personal lives until i got on tumblr, and at the time it was really exciting to discover things about my favorite celebrities (i mean, being a fan of someone obviously isn’t new, but it was to me). now that i’m 23 i find it very invasive and somewhat creepy that we’re so interested in someone’s life, sometimes even more than their body of work. we’ll probably never meet that person, and if we do they’re not going to think about you or remember you forever, because there are thousands of other people out there who feel the same way, and they just can’t keep track (at least the huge stars).

on the flip side, i think it’s good to have role models and people to look up to, but sometimes there’s a thin line there. i’m blonde, but i dyed my hair brown in my first year of high school because i was obsessed with marion cotillard and wanted to look like her. i kept the brown throughout high school because i liked it, and sort of forgot i ever did it because of her, but now i’m blonde again and it looks so much better haha. ALSO i got really interested in france/speaking french because of her (and juliette binoche), although i had a fantastic and enthusiastic french teacher in high school to help fuel my desire to speak french. and now i’m fluent in french and live in france. wow. so, if there are people you look up to in the public eye and they’re influencing you in positive ways, that’s great! i do get suspicious when very influential celebrities share their political views, though. i think we have a tendency to follow in people’s footsteps either subconsciously or in full awareness. that could be in any field. i like certain authors, and sometimes my own writing is heavily influenced by their work. it’s a natural thing that happens. but voting really should be an informed decision...just my opinion.

let’s talk about “just my opinion”. online bullying is real and can sometimes be rampant if there are dividing views on someone and their perceived private life. for example, in the x-files fandom we will, for the most part, absolutely convince you that mulder and scully are fucking like bunnies, when the show’s own creator won’t lol. but there are also people who think that gillian anderson and david duchovny (the leads) were/are/could be at some point in a romantic relationship with each other. they (anderson and duchovny) even cater to the fans a bit, but at the end of the day that’s their business and they don’t owe us an explanation, and a lot of people in fandom sort of act like they do. the point of this example was that because people in fandom are divided about this point of view, if you talk about one side or the other, there are some people who will come at you and say mean things for not agreeing with you, and try to convince you of a truth they have no real authority to speak about. this is obviously just an example, but online bullying is rampant and is often taken personally and can really affect the person being bullied, especially someone younger who may or may not be already facing that in real life at school lol.

i think tumblr is a good place for people who suffer from mental illness to come together in a healthy way to talk through their problems (god i hope i’m telling the truth), and there’s definitely tons of awareness and support that you’ll get on tumblr that you may not find in the real world. for example, i don’t know anyone irl who has epilepsy who i can talk to about mine. on tumblr i’ve talked with people who understand what i’m going through. i think that self diagnosis online, just as much on tumblr as it is when i cough and search “signs of throat cancer or tuberculosis’, read up on web md, and immediately fear my days might be numbered, is a problem. on tumblr i think we’re introduced to concepts and can sometimes treat mental illness lightly, when it shouldn’t. if you’re suffering from a mental illness, the online world isn’t going to be the place that can completely help you (says the girl who refuses to go to therapy and instead complains online about how she’s not getting any better).

being online immediately takes us out of life and into a different world. we become observers instead of experiencing the world. there’s good stuff about observation, but being online and attached to a website that is more or less just a vice for people will often make us choose to be on our phones instead of doing stuff in real life.

all of these points being said, i’m guilty of a lot of the “bad/unhealthy” facets of tumblr, but as i’ve “grown up” (unfortunately still staying on tumblr for a good portion of that time) i’ve grown out of a lot of these things and can see the good and the bad that the online world has to offer, and know which parts to stay away from. i can recognize that spending too much time on here does nothing for my desire to stay inside and not experience the real world. it also makes me think a lot more about tv shows/films/celebrities than i need to. but i’ve also made great friends from being on tumblr over the years, and gotten support i definitely wouldn’t have gotten in real life.

back to my real life. do i encourage the girls i live with to be interested in certain media? yes, especially stuff i feel has a good message. i basically sat the two older ones down and showed them the pilot of the x-files. do they experience the same high level obsession i do with tv shows/movies? no. and i’m glad for that. they like to lose themselves in certain tv shows, but when the tv is off they don’t really talk about it. do i introduce them to things i’m interested in media-wise? yes. do i introduce them to books and music i was/am interested in? yes. have i told them about tumblr? no. they don’t have any access to my online “presence” (they don’t know my instagram, twitter, etc), and i don’t talk about it. when my computer is out and they’re in the room doing homework, i’m usually writing. granted, that’s usually fanfiction, but at least i’m writing something.

one of the boys i tutor is writing a book (he’s 11) which is basically a self insert that takes place in the harry potter universe. he doesn’t know what fanfiction is, and i haven’t told him (although he’d never type it up and put it online lol he barely knows how to turn the computer on), but i’m so thrilled he’s even writing that i make him sit down and write for 10 minutes before we ever start watching a movie (in english).

ANYWAY. i’m nobody’s mother and at the end of the day i’m posting this online on my stupid blog where nothing i say matters or has any influence anywhere, but i think kids should be able to enjoy a non-internet related childhood as long as possible. some of us on tumblr are old enough to actually have children that age, and as much as we like having an account on this site, if asked this same question we might not as readily say ‘yeah it’s great! i want my teenagers to have the same experience as me!’

there’s my two centimes. hope i answered your question. JuST MY OPINION.

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