#the point is im VERY happy with it and this project is just fucking delightful to work on. im learning and having fun and succeeding

[the-kipsabian]

i wanna share a progress shot of the jacket so badly since it looks SO FUCKING GOOD but also i wanna hold back until its all done but also aaAAAAAA

[bl3ss3dbyt1amat]

misc bg3 companion hc

this is so much. i have no idea and im also sorry. all of the origin companions included under the cut

astarion:

i feel like he claps funny. like hes clapping but its that specific way thats meant to be like quieter? like clapping on the palm of his hand. this might be projection but i feel like hes also the type of person to do like a little clap or a spin or his trademark ridiculous giggle whenever hes happy.

i think that hes prone to dramatics like. like pretending to fall on the floor and die if you say hes actually not on your mind 24/7. oh whats that? you dont think im the prettiest princess in the entire world? well astarion has dramatically fallen to the floor

in the early game astarion most definitely practiced his lines loudly and publicly (in camp). he cant even see himself in the mirror but hes trying to look all suave and being like "shall i compare thee to a summers night" while lae'zel and shadowheart both shout "NO" from across the camp. (can be interpreted as bloodiedblade/wyllstarion but i think wyll would be amused and even finish the quote).

wyll:

this man is probably good with basic medicines and ill die on this hill. hes got aloe vera type shit on him at all times. sure, hes not a cleric or healer or even a bard, but he'll stay with you and try his damned best to cheer you up when youre hurt or sick.

on a related note i feel like wyll would be absolutely DELIGHTED by a bard tav. he would just be so amused and filled with whimsy. never gonna complain about playing, even if its like 2am. just occasionally putting in song requests. hes so incredibly enthusiastic like spinning tav around like "THAT WAS BRILLIANT!!!"

wyll probably keeps houseplants. (minor blazingblade but i feel like karlach would accidentally kill one of the plants and actually begin weeping. once she gets her engine fixed wyll tries to teach her how to garden. this goes weirdly) furthermore i think he like goes around his house like humming merrily and watering his plants and crap

gale:

i dont think hes coordinated at all. like this man is tripping down the stairs on a daily basis. he is dropping his tea, his book, his body, ect. to the point that hes got a habit of just hugging the railing for dear life every time he has to go down a staircase. this made traversing shit like the underdark actually literally horrible. every time he falls karlach is so overly concerned and probably offers to carry him. astarion, to everyones dismay, dies laughing each and every time

pretty sure wyll and shadowheart have a conversation about weird book porn. i am here to say that gale was holding back his power while that conversation happened. gale has read so much book porn and if you knew the real scale of it you would be concerned. tara is concerned at least.

shadowheart:

especially during early game, i feel like shadowheart was literally clenching so hard to avoid admitting cute things were cute. like "oh.. a stray mutt... charming I MEAN IN LIKE A GROSS WAY". she was trying to hard to be all scary and into shar and shit but she just really likes puppies and other animals and crap

if she were modern i feel like she would really like pixar movies (inside out comes to mind for reasons i cannot explain) and wear long jean skirts. i cant explain any of this but it is fact in my mind. even in the bg3 setting i do feel like she would wear very long boxy type skirts. sort of plays into her whole "dark priestess" sort of vibe

shadowheart was sitting in her tent with scissors fucking losing her shit with anxiety trying to cut her own bangs without a mirror. it is a literal miracle from selune that they dont look like complete and total shit. no wonder halsin was surprised. (minor silverheart/shadow'zel: when she first like actually properly noticed what shaodwheart did with her hair, since the initial joke is she cant tell what changed, i think lae'zel was very impressed. she even likened it to like a sort of war paint against shar. also we KNOW lae'zel likes silver)

(can be interpreted as bladeheart/,,, do wyll and shadowheart have a ship name yet? HM. well anyway i think that in conjunction with the previous headcanon about wyll gardening, he and shadowheart garden together and he specially grew her night orchids)

lae'zel:

ever since i looked at her stupid little mindflayer training dummie in camp ive had the image of her in my head very angrily and intensly carving up a turnip to look like a mindflayer. draws a little mean face on it like the worlds most violent six year old. every time she messes up on her little DIY project shes muttering curses in tir'su.

lae'zel will take any opportunity to infodump about githyanki culture. specifically red dragons. if she met a red dragonborn or even maybe a follower of tiamat or some shit she would be so hype. in her "i hate everyone SVAH" way ofc. but like. trying to casually slide trivia into battle conversation or party banter with all the subtlety of an owlbear. "yes... the battle preparations are proceeding as expected... as expected a red dragons hibernation cycle..." and everyone just has to turn their head and ask what the fuck shes talking abt

(can be thought of as silverweave: lae'zel and gale talk in draconic about dragon history and the celestial plane. hes so tickled to have a mutual interest with lae'zel)

no one hears lae'zel laugh but when they do its so weird. like its some weird like hissing sort of sound and everyone has to do a double take and make sure theyre understanding what the fuck is going on for a second. lae'zel is incredibly defensive when people notice it but theyre not trying to be mean

karlach:

before her engine gets fixed but like early on to where shes not used to it, karlach keeps trying to touch things and keeps breaking them. this fills her with genuine despair and she will start crying (everyone in camp has to go on a group effort to calm her down). she just thinks the world is so beautiful and is so sad she cant interact with it

she likes to dance but in like a boot stompin way. karlach is probably just an absolute party animal when she gets her freedom back because honestly in her situation who wouldnt be. SHE JUST GOT TO NOT BE ON FIRE LET THE GIRL PARTY

once shes been fixed to the point where she can touch people, she just never stops. manhandling everyone in the party constantly. oh whats that? tav is on low health? dont worry karlach is sprinting over to put tav on her shoulder. literally any problem can be solved by karlach hugs and i wont be taking feedback on this

[volivolition]

heyo!! hows unstoppable force going?? :0

HELLO ANON! lots of people asking about my fics (unless you're all just the same anon??? hgkj) in any case, im truly grateful :')!! i'll split up chatting between them, but since you asked for it specifically: let's talk Unstoppable Force! :D

Preface, here's all my fic wips as explained before!! and all my writing can be found in my #inland drabbles tag! ask 2, ask 3!

Unstoppable Force, aka "The Unstoppable Force Kisses the Immovable Object" was my first ever skills fic! as with all my writings, it's still a wip hgkjg Unstoppable Force is centered on Volition and Electrochemistry's relationship, from enemies -> friends with benefits -> lovers :3 it started as pwp but whoops accidentally got a bit of plot in there! it is still very explicit hgskgjk

Current word count is now 22,389!! granted, some of these are snippets of other fics. This document is a general free-for-all Volistry document, but Unstoppable Force in specific does have a plot in mind.

As for how it's going, it's currently a back burner project. Life's been tossin' curveballs and writing's been waiting in the outfield. for Unstoppable Force in specific, ive never written an explicit fic before so on top of the evil "your writing isn't good enough" demons im also fighting off the puritan "you should not be writing sexy shit, you are a sinner and also CRINGE" angels. like lmao LET ME FUCKIN LIVE HDHJFJ

i really love rereading it (literally canNOT stop grinning while rereading, theyre SO FUNNY, im delighted by their dialogues hgkj) and i KNOW other people might like reading it too, but also it's hard to believe anyone besides me will like the plot and characterization and. y'know. the sex?? i feel its very obvious i am a novice at this hgkj im aroace as fuck guys, this is already such an endeavor hkjgg

NEVERTHELESS. WE PERSIST!! the outline is all there, and a lot of plot points are already filled in! i just need to add more in-between sections, and figure out which sections i actually want to include in the fic hkjg

i think i want to add more of volition's thought process into this, it's fuckin fascinating, the way he denies things he wants, and moreover doesn't allow himself to want? me when the homie's self restraint is making his life worseee~!!! hgkjg shakes him hgkjg here's a writing snippet!! for you!!!

^ I NEED TO FUCKIN EXTRAPOLATE ON THIS!! HEY @ MY OWN WRITING, IS THIS TRUE??? HGKJG

i think it'd be better if i punched up the conflict in one of the later chapters? there's a part where volition's reaction to something harry says would realistically be something else, especially given the circumstances. i know exactly how i could do it but it makes me REALLY SAD augfhfhgh what if i just want volition and echem to be happy!! what then!!!

augh i'll do it eventually but I'LL BE SAD ABOUT IT HJGKJ </3 alas, writing is driven by conflict. i GOTTA CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE!!!

okay, i could say more but that's all on Unstoppable Force for now. i have a lot of fondness for this fic as my first ever one that got me started in the fandom <33 volistry lover forever and ever!!! :D thank you for reading!!! :D

[humanmorph]

PALISADE 28.crazy good this week etc

New radio person for the intro...! This comes at a good moment. I still miss Baldwin Home like. That very first PALISADE intro is genuinely so hard to beat... but this feels good. I'm once again thinking about Austin writing these... The style used for Black Screens intros obviously shines through (she's his protégé) but she does have her own voice already (way more rhyming? I mean, I'd have to doublecheck HIS intros, it's literally just a feeling). Just the tone used and intonation already does a lot. Austin is so good at this fr. I'm still curious how he even approaches that. Also the "watch me unloose 80 Ls on these next lines" I knewwww that's 80 Ls for real as soon as Parti said illogical. I wonder if he wrote that bit first trying to see how many Ls he could fit in there & then finetuned it to get to a good number? I guess that's just how I would do it.

(who knows if we'll ever get a description for Parti. we never did for Black. maybe if she shows up in a conflict turn somehow? so im just fuckin around for now... i haven't sold myself on the clothes. i'm just not a fashion guy. but i do like the braids)

Oh & new guy alert part 2!!! New Keith character! And he has a funny hat. Not even funny as in goofy it just makes me laugh a bit because my dad and maybe every 5th 70+ y/o man I see has a hat like that. Love the sequin poncho.

(btw I am almost certain Keith has posted a picture of that teapot on Cohost before... He posts about tea sometimes so there's at least a chance. I mean the description of the coloring he gives is actually pretty good IMO, you can work with that, but I as an artist I like to have a visual reference. EDIT: someone just asked him. thank you keith and also rosecrest)

I have the. I got Armor Astir & a lot of the playbooks other people made in a bundle a while back and I'm real torn if I should just look at the Investigator because I'm really curious. But. I also love to be surprised. So I probably won't, but it's good to know I COULD, if I wanted to. Anyways, I was pretty sure it'd be another B-Plot character too, just because it makes sense. Brnine COULD go alone on a B-Plot, I guess, but it's more fun with 2 groups to jump between, surely. Though this means the Eclectic-Brnine dynamic is crucial! I hope they can meet up soon... But yeah I just really am gonna miss Phrygian backing them up and cheering and clapping and asking questions. They were so fun together... A great team :' (

ok so I wrote everything else about Eclectic down yesterday & then noted down "vibes?" as break between paragraphs because all I had at that point was the description & I wanted to get back to this. And ooohhh my god the vibes are fucking immaculate right off the bat I'm having a hard time to not Already be obsessed with this guy he's SO funny conceptually and it KEPT getting better... Truly delighted with this new type of guy (& Keith is doing a voice!). And I fucking love the hooks. Truly so great to me. The thought of these getting loosened OR deepened is already really really good. "Leap says"..... oh it's SO funny I keep laughing to myself

And I'm VERY excited it's a delegate like genuinely so happy. I was mourning the loss of a branched onscreen (okay.I still am) but this does make it worth it. Ever since they got introduced basically I so badly wanted to know anything more about them, but especially what Austin mentioned in the episode itself: the delegates relationships to the divines they are made from & of course the divines themselves (who are alive!!! Apparently that was already written in a dossier way back when, but I rarely read those). That has me sooo excited.

Oh and the like... I only thought about this just now but the connection there to Thisbe's new project is. That's gotta be something! "The divine who's being held captive somewhere on this planet, and has been tortured for millennia" hearing a message of... That this can end & rest is possible and it's SO CLOSE? But does that just make it worse... Ohhhhh. Yeah this rules. What a great idea.

That project generally is really... god, I love Thisbe so much. I love how Janine talks about her and what she thinks and why she does what she does. Thisbe's relationship to work and being a tool and of use is so interesting to put here, with the divines wanting to rest. (And Janine saying something like... Thisbe thinks of herself in relation to divines how Mow is to her? Kind of?) And saying it seems so solitary a project... every divine should know about it. Every divine deserves the right to rest. But it's also a call to action of sorts when she talks about like... "shouldn't you want to protect this?" I think her "Fighting is not my purpose, but there is nowhere else for me until the fighting is over." hook could be in conservation here too... Also I'm just looking forward for Thisbe to Broadcast again. It was like, one of her things in PARTIZAN. I really liked her & Cori working on this together with the. Experience they just had behind them. Sylvi & Janine reading the hooks for each others characters kind of sheepishly was soooo funny "I forgot how bitchy this was!". That's good stuff to me. (as an aside: god, Thisbe has always had good as hell hooks/beliefs/whatever else. Remember "Operant Broun lies to me because they believe I am a person."? Banger. ) I also love that she thought of this/about this at the rib(?) of Barricade. Barricade as an axiom who had this close (& good, protective) relationship with another axiom...

btw now that Leap is NOT coming back I do miss him a bit. Mostly out of principle like I am So happy we have Eclectic but Leap is my guy.... shoutout to him... being a bitch bastard pirate out there in space... + shoutout to Figure A too always : ) (speaking of, on the Gathering Information Extra bit from today he talked about if he had played Leap, picking a class that also had like, a crew, and I'm mostly just really curious who that would've been. I would love for Keith to make up some funny guys for Leap to order around. I wonder if Eclectic or an Eclectic type would've been on that?)

(Also Leap investigating Motion. Ok. To ME it's at least partly bc this was so important to Millie. And he has reason to be concerned generally he fought Motion too but. That's MILLIE'S rival! And it doesn't even have to be at the front of his mind when he does this. Maybe it isn't. But it's real & it's something to remember her by through actual action. Because he's not the sentimental type.Do you get me.?)

Brnine talk show. This was sooo good. After they joked about it in PAL25 too. I recognized the hosts name, but wasn't quite sure from where until I read the dossier - of course he's that guy from the podcast. God. I have got to relisten to that sometime... I remember Ali on one of the recent Gathering Information ep (the one w/ Austin on, I think) mentioning a conversation that was like. stressful to do. and then also to listen to? (since she has to for production/editing) and I figured it would be another Gucci-type talk but ooohh my god. This was sooo. EDIT: ACTUALLY what if it wasn't even. What if it's about to be this talk with Rye edit: GALLICA i cant believe noone called me on this. mixing my elects up. rye is the one gur killed (mvp). Austin was sounding a bit ominous about it at the end of this episode! HUGE shoutouts to Ali again she is just absolutely killing it this season for real... And I honestly feel like overall Brnine was, considering the situation, doing very well. Genuinely. You're feverish and hollowblooded and have this fucking. Guy needling you & asking the stupidest questions... & like. "You made Kalmeria. They'd never let you rot in jail." of courseeee they want Brnine working for them. They're so GOOD at what they do. They messed with the parts of A Fucking Divine. . I just had a scary thought and it involved Mustard Red. But. Surely not. Nooo. I'm shaking my head. However Arbitrage? An Arbitrage deal (like they tried to make them take before) would work just perfectly for this, wouldn't it...

some other stuff:

When Austin mentioned Grand Mag in that vision Cori had I thought something like 'man. sucks to be him : (' but like. In a genuine way. "I can't stop it from hurting people a little"........... Hah oh wow I just thought of this but I am so excited for people who haven't listened to TM to meet him now. He's not even my favourite he just makes me crazy in a way almost no other character does? Like there's something so WRONG with him. And there's things wrong with a lot of FatT characters but it's like... Well. Grand Magnificent.

I love the thought of them watching Brnines interview at the next movie night (POOR BRNINE.) but I also want to know what Eclectic would pick for movie night. Oh and Partial too. Though he may not be staying I would still really love to know. Partial coming on board for the mission has me intrigued generally.

Oh and Gur talking! Even if just a little. I still feel so bad for them. "I believe in whispers in ears"... and they have reason to now. Figure is a person trying their best to do good & make changes, which is what Gur wants. I just wish they weren't a specter haunting someone elses body & what even happens when Figure rolls a 10+. Is Gur still there and Figure just stops seeing him? oohh it hurts a bit.you can't do this to him you can't (related: I extremely forgot about the other specters and ghosts and ghouls and whatnot that Figure can also see. It's not just my friend Gur Sevraq. Looking forward to hear more about that & how it affects Figure so much as to roll with disadvantage!)

Love to learn just a little more about devotion. I really need to just relisten to that again & think about it a bit harder.

At one point Austin says "Still flanked by guards, you are" and it caught me off guard & made me wheeze. He didn't even do that on purpose . I get him I do this way too often(realize I forgot to say part of a sentence and pack it at the end)

[miiilowo]

Ough tell us abt William and gender

bc Funtime Foxy and Springbonnie are both characters Will had a very strong influence in making. I've personally always seen it as (likely unconscious) projecting on his part. I have Many Thoughts on Funtime Foxy being feminine presenting with a masc voice and passionate entertainer like William. And Springbonnie being William's absolute favorite; and Sb can very much be interpreted as not caring about gender and using any pronouns from the fnaf world screens

How do you think William's life wouldn't turned out if there were no murders and nothing bad happened? Would he have stayed with Henry and Fredbear's or pursued different passions? What would he be like as an old man and potential grandfather, theres not too much in canon you can base on so it's fun to ask and seeing all the different answers you can get

Would do you think about William's apparent fondness for the circus and the like? (Based on the SL designs and ar springtrap having a clown skin) I think it makes the random "1810 circus pipe organ" audio in fnaf 1 real fun. Like. the implications of it or something

I LOVE HOW FUCKING QUEERCODED HE IS 💥💥💥💥IT GENUINELY MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO THINK ABOUT. i 100% would not be surprised if scott did it on purpose, especially when you take the spring bonnie gender thing into account. he is bisexual & aro To Me and while i do generally perceive him as a cis guy, that doesnt mean he cant get a little silly with gender stuff :3c id never thought it about funtime foxy being projection, but it absolutely makes sense, especially considering the tie-in with him being an entertainer. using spring bonnie probably wouldve been bad rep at that point in the timeline, so having using funtime foxy instead is delightful and im incorporating that into how i view him now. i love effeminate queer coded villains. they r everything to me. no way this dude wasnt spotted as being queer by the general population. type of motherfucker to have a musical number if i am being honest. like if there was an animated fnaf movie i wholeheartedly believe he would have some over the top song and performance about his Evil Plans. he loves that shit. hes soooooo FUCKING SILLY im going to eat him alive. anyways

he probably wouldve just kept doin what he loved if everything went well. its his passion ! god knows the two of them would be well off enough to retire. i dont think theyd be anything too extraordinary, though if william went down the path of wanting to be Better than henry still, murders aside, then i can see him achieving some pretty cool shit. i think he'd eternally have like, weird uncle or embarrassing dad energy for the rest of his life. this is because he is autistic

aaaaaaaand as for the circus thing, i think it just makes sense given his adoration for entertaining. being a clown isnt really too far off what he already did- both of em dress up as characters to perform for people, especially kids, and are known for doing silly little tricks. e.g. juggling. which he can do, canonically. im not sure he has too much interest in clowns, just likes them, and it makes a lot of sense thematically :o)

[sho-minamimoto]

Bunch of scattered/unorganized Yellowjackets thoughts (spoilers)

- could not choose between shauna and misty as my faves throughout season 1 but Lottie and Nat really got me in season 2 as well… there’s so many good characters auugghg

- i have NO clue what the heck’s going on with taissa and where her characters going im absolutely stumped. The heck’s up with that man with no eyes I wanna know!!! It feels like they’re building up to something really slowly and taking their time with it

- finding out the woman who directed Jennifer’s Body is an executive producer on the show was really funny that makes so much sense.

- is van going to miraculously survive her cancer bc of how Lottie said the wilderness is pleased with their sacrifice (of nat) and implied how it’s going to reward them?? Since they had a close up of vans reaction to Lottie saying that I feel like that might be a thing that could happen but not sure what else

- Travis is fucking insufferable in season one (thankfully eased up in ssn 2) but I still couldn’t fully hate him bc of his siblingisms with Javi I’m so simple when it comes to siblings LOL… his reaction to seeing Javi’s frozen corpse absolutely wrecked me. And him taking a bite out of his raw heart my god I was FLOORED

- I get why people dislike Misty’s thing with Walter but I can’t bring myself to hate it I want misty to have nice things and a happy freak4freak relationship truly is what she deserves. The perfect ending though would be if both of them find out they’re gay and become wlw/mlm Reddit true crime solidarity. But I can also see them getting split pretty quickly bc of misty dealing with accidentally killing nat

- I absolutely adore the misdirection with some plot threads for example the whole mystery with Travis in season 1 felt like it was building up to a reveal of sorts like who really killed him and why?? What did they want?? Only to find out super early on in season 2 that his death was an accident (but in essence Kind of a suicide) and when Lottie recounts it nat calls bullshit and I called bullshit too bc I thought there was more going on but the more the 96 plotline plays out the clearer it becomes that that really was what happened… like we don’t know the full story of what happened in the wilderness but you can broadly fill in gaps. But it’s still a different thing entirely seeing what actually happened and it recontextualizing everything in the adult timeline you’ve seen prior… there’s no conspiracy Travis wasn’t murdered and all these characters are just haunted to such an extent that becomes clearer and clearer as the show continues

- Did Not care for Kevyn Tan idc that he used to be a goth kid in love with nat he revoked that card when he became a cop and didn’t do anything to stop jay/whatever the fuck that guys name was from preying on Callie… I laughed so hard when he suddenly died completely unceremoniously not gonna lie. I loved it. Wish they killed off that other cop too though

- love coach Scott’s fuck em kids move at the end I was not seeing that coming at all but I was delighted. Gay trying to do the mass burying

- I hope Mari isn’t pit girl simply because she’s so funny she’s such a fucking hater I love her

- am really curious how the rest of the show’s going to pan out over its projected 5 seasons I think the story is a slow burn overall but with a 5 season plan that feels really purposeful… like so far only 2 people have been Eated, one simply by circumstance and the other left to die in a passive way and we’ve yet to reach a point where they actively murder someone With Intent to kill and eat and the escalation to it has been very gradual

- I saw a lot of people complain about season 2s pacing but I felt like it was. Fine? I only started watching the show a few days after the season finale ended so I didn’t wait a week between episodes so it might be one of those things where the pacing issues are lessened when watched back to back but idk

- Doesn’t taissa have senator duties to attend to or something girl has so much to answer to when she gets home from the Lottie cult misadventures

- Also her assistants car is still just kind of out there ?? Left on the side of a ditch?? Girl

- I read in an interview that originally Nat’s dream realm scene in the plane while she’s dying was going to have javi and young nat laughing mockingly to adult nat while she breaks down crying THATS FUCKING INSANE????? GOOD LORD. it didn’t make the cut and part of me wishes it did but also I’m kind of glad it didn’t bc that would’ve been. A Lot. But holy fuck

- I know the likelihood of coach Scott getting hunted and eaten is extremely high but I hope he can last another season at least. He’ll probably be hiding for dear life from the girls who Definitely want him dead now for that stunt he pulled (if they figure out it was his doing to begin with)

- I want to give Lottie a hug

- Jeff is so fucking funny I love a good wife guy. He’s so ride or die for shauna it rules. I want to see more interactions of him and Callie also I found the scene where he tells her abt the wilderness baby heartbreaking but also really sweet…

- It’s wild how much time left there still is before they get rescued how in the hell are these girls going to stay warm for the rest of the winter?? Though now that I think about it since nat knows about it there might be a more active effort to find Javi’s shelter. Or maybe find others similar to it? The impression I got from the pit girl scene was that they split up into smaller groups in different directions (bc of the different symbols hung on different trees) but I may be wrong on that one

- When spring/summer rolls back around and game starts showing up again are they going to be like “ok cool we can go back to being normal humans let’s just never talk about our winter activities again ok.”

- More Caligula next season please

[avelera]

Given sanctuary anon back again to say i love the new chapter!! I'm also really enjoying the behind the scenes musings Im so happy I found you on here! If you want to do some more musings, I've been re-reading chapter one and I was curious about Dream looking almost enraged when Hob says he "can take care of himself always has" (right before dream decides to bring him to the house.) Is Dream angry at himself, Hob, the world? Would love to hear the thoughts behind that

Hello Anon! I'm making the petted cat face right now, I'd be *delighted* to expound upon that because I admit, I thought it was pretty obvious in the moment what Dream was mad at?

Dream is absolutely not mad at Hob right there. Dream is probably best described as equal parts enraged at himself for allowing Hob's situation to get this bad without help, enraged at the world that the situation got this bad, and enraged at The Rules for making him feel helpless in the face of wanting to help this "mortal" that he's beginning to develop sympathy for now that Hob's situation (the loss of his wife and son and his subsequent despair) so closely mirror Dream's life.

Furthermore, and this is on a deeper level, Dream is furious that the world is doing to Hob what it, in a way, also did to Dream. Which is not to say that no one tried to help Dream after Orpheus died and he separated from Calliope but... clearly (at least in this 'verse) no one was able to really help him. His siblings didn't understand the pain he was going through. He didn't have any other friends. His subjects can't really impose themselves on him even for his own good so he just... sat, in this emotional bleakness, growing bitter and focused inward and stewing in that hatred towards the world that allowed this to happen ever since.

That's why Dream is just so... awkwardly selfish in this chapter. He still can't even connect with Hob on the empathetic level of Hob's grief just yet, he's only able to connect at all because Hob's grief is similar to his own grief. He says he's not weeping for Hob, he's weeping for himself. Seriously, wtf is that? It's so blindingly, unbelievably selfish.

But it's his first actual step out of the darkness. He's seeing himself in Hob, desperate and alone, and Dream is just so fucking furious that no one is able to help. That The Rules of the Endless not being able to love or interact with mortals outside this complicated, duty-based rule system means what he "should" do is walk away from Hob right now, and leave him down in this pit of despair in the same way Dream felt he was abandoned.

It's what finally makes Dream snap. And it takes a lot to make him snap. The Rules are Dream's self-defense mechanism against getting burned or letting anyone too close. The Rules are his coping mechanism left in his brain by Time and Night, a father and mother who were both emotionally distant and impossible to please. It's the trauma left in his brain by Nada and Orpheus and everyone he's ever loved and lost, regardless of his own fault in it. If he just follows The Rules everything will be fine, or at least he will be blameless if things fall apart. And he hits his breaking point at the sight of Hob's misery and his own projected desire to wish that someone had helped him too when he hit the point Hob is at now and he just can't fucking stand it anymore and decides to break The Rules. He decides he's going to, at the very least, take Hob home with him. Just for a night. Just for one night, to help him get back on his feet.

But even then, Dream's terrified he's kicked off another Nada situation, that people are going to die, and especially that Hob is going to die because he interfered. This is more than just an expectation on this part, this is a borderline neurosis he's carried since the destruction of Nada and her people because Dream dared to love her (and also when Dream fucked it up royally but that too is part of the trauma and part of why he can't let it go or forgive her or move on, is his own culpability). It's why the second Hob is asleep, Dream tears ass out of there to talk to Death.

By the way, Dream fully intended, if Death had said Hob is doomed because Dream broke The Rules and spent more then the bare minimum of time with Hob, to wipe Hob's memory of the night, dump him back on the street and retract into his own shell and never dare reach out to a human again. Because then at least Hob would be safe, even if Dream wasn't allowed to help him more.

So anyway, long story short, tl;dr, that was the moment Dream broke his own rules. It took a lot. It took an entire night of feeling empathy and kinship with Hob. It took a whole night of Dream feeling sorry for himself because of Hob's story and finally, barely, at the very end seeing a crack of light in the pit where he was trapped with his own despair, brought on by caring, just for a moment, more about Hob than about himself, illuminating for him finally just how *bleak* Dream's life had become, how cruel and inward facing and selfish, and a sudden, sincere desire to do better, to be better, to get better and to help this person get better more than he necessarily cared about himself. It was, for the first time, Dream taking a hammer of rage to the walls of the prison he built up in his own mind that allowed him to finally see it for the prison it was.

And, if you can't tell, I have a lot of feelings about it ;__;

[kedreeva]

OK OK SO LISTEN OK HEAR ME OUT I AM VERY VERY MUCH WELL ON MY EAY TO ACTUALLY WATCHING THIS BIT H OF A SHOW JUST BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT the broken ass fucking thing in ny brain that controls my serotonin levels goes _Ping_ and i get to experience The Happy but LISTEN here the fucking issue ive got an absolute bitch of an executive dysfunction and main issue: everything i know about thr show and everything that makes my brain go HYPERFIXATION TIME is shit from like,, the last 2 seasons ig mostly and like on a Theoretical fucking level i am well aware that once i start watching ill start enjoying it from the first coupke episodes (whatever deity may or may not be out there ought to just strike me down already at this point my previous self from like 5 years ago would strangle me if that fucker knew ehat our stupid bitch of a brain latched to amd decided to sing praises to in the end) but like The Things that currently have me in the headlock when it comes to the damned show Wont be There yet and even though i logically know it doesnt matter cause ill enjoy the rest too stupid piece of shit brain goes "must watch 2 seasons just to get there? Must watch 2 seasins to get to the Serotonin? Not in this energy crisis" so im Stuck unable to Watch it and Wanting to and reading and looking at SO much fucking fancontent cause goddamn the fucking fandom is talented fuck yall

Also i really appreciate your offer regarding the poll its v sweet of you but unfortunately its got a local target audience since its for a project that will begin at a local stage (and if i get my way slowly grow bigger until it reaches nationwide level but yeah v low hopes for it to get that far) and also since the whole project thing is basically a part of a far larger project thing with lots of smaller teams like us and shit and the reason im part of the whole shebang is that a professor of mine decided to place me on her team without even asking ive gotta make the poll using my Proper™ account which not only means sharing my deadname but also my last name (in short my whole legal name) so yeah big fucking mess thats going to shit anyway but i really appreciate the intention its v sweet (also as you hopefully have figured out i am VERY shit at explaining anything on a manner that makes sense but also im my defence it Is currently 3am where i am so yeah id like to throw a teeny bit of the blame for my inability to communicate on that)

Go to SLEEP.

But before you do I need you to look me in the fucking eyes, and understand this: season 1 is absolutely fantastic. Season 1 is still my favorite season. Not only do you get to meet all the amazing characters as babies, but the plots.... oh, the plots. oh. the storylines in season 1 are all fucking gorgeous, Delightful.

okayokay, listen. listen.

I gotta calm down a second because season 1 is so good, but listen

Season 1 does something that's so incredibly difficult to pull off, and not only did they pull it off, they pulled it off with flying colors. They told three narratives that were all part of one narrative, expertly braiding them together until suddenly they have all come together and everything crescendos and hhhhhh it's bliss. It's fucking bliss.

You have the first plot, and that's a kid's adventure plot. It is the genre of plot where you have a bunch of kids who get into a supernatural shenanigan with a New Friend, completely under the noses of the oblivious adults. This is some ET shit, some Earth to Echo shit. They've got to hide their New Weird Friend from the adults, and they are the ONLY ONES capable of saving her. High Child Adventure Time. They're riding their bikes and yelling over their radios and doing things only children would think to do in an attempt to keep El safe.

Then you have the second plot, with Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve (and arguably tommy and carol). This is a teenage monster horror flick w/ bonus romance. This is "one of the teenagers got killed/taken by a monster and the rest of the teens have to survive/cope with it/hunt the monster down together" genre. Nancy and Steve are busy getting into romance and then crashing and burning it because Nancy knows there's monsters and Steve has no idea, but Jonathan knows there's monsters, and now they're teaming up to fight back right up until Steve crash lands in the middle of the event and picks up the nailbat the first time. Delightful, you have to understand. You have to know. The first time Steve weilds the nailbat, he twirls it. And that twirl is.... fucking everything. That twirl lives rent free in my head for eternity.

You have to understand. This entire scene leading up to this is pure fucking gold. Steve is beat the fuck up after picking a fight with Jonathan (and losing), and he's come over to Jonathan's house to apologize to him, because he realized he's been an asshole. Who DOES that first of all. Second of all, this is AFTER he went and made amends with the theater he and tommy and carol defaced to be mean to nancy, and before he's apologized to nancy herself; he's coming to jonathan's house, alone, at night, to apologize to Jonathan, not because he knows Nancy is there, but because it's the right thing to do.

And then Nancy opens the door and okay, he had guessed they were... a thing, maybe, so that's not totally unexpected, but then he sees her hand. He sees the bandage on her hand, the blood they were using to draw the monster, and he has NO IDEA monsters exist still. He pushes into the house because he thinks Jonathan hurt Nancy, only to find Jonathan is also sporting a bandage, and also there's like. weapons all over the fucking place and christmas lights and Nancy's yelling at him to leave and she pulls a fucking gun on him and tells him he has 5 seconds to gtfo, and as if that wasn't enough, a literal monster claws through the ceiling, drops down and starts trying to eat them all. Nancy's firing a gun at it right up until Jonathan grabs her around the middle and bodily hauls her away from danger, grabs Steve's hand with his other hand, and hauls his partners down the hall to safety.

Down the hall where, you know, he and Nancy put a fucking bear trap on the ground. A bear trap steve does not know about but when Jonathan yells JUMP, do you know. Steve doesn't even stop to ask how high. he just fucking jumps. He's freaking out and the monster seems to disappear and they tell him to leave because it's going to come back and he makes it all the way to his car before realizing... he can't fucking leave them there. so he goes charging right back into danger, and good fucking thing too, because Jonathan's been disarmed and nancy's out of bullets and the demogorgon is still coming after her, and Steve gets there just in time to scoop up Jonathans nailbat (which FYI, was made from Nancy's bat, with Jonathan's nails, and now Steve wields it, as if I NEEDED OT3 feels) and start wailing on the monster until it's beaten back into the trap and they can set it on fire.

LIKE. SEASON 1 JUST HAS THAT???

and then!!! there's also the ADULT plotline, which is of the government conspiracy theory genre, as Joyce refuses to believe her son Will is dead and Hopper doesn't agree until actually he finds out she's RIGHT and the corpse was a FAKE and then HE is in on it and they are desperately trying to figure out what the fuck the LAB was doing with all its secrets.

And Delightful.... I have to say. Watching these three plotlines converge.... I've watched the first season dozens of times by this point. Chef's kiss. They all come together and realize they've all been dealing with facets of the same problem, and they move forward together to save Will and take down the monster and the lab that caused the problem. Oh my GOD.

And that's not even speaking of the characters. You will be adopting every child. Season 1 mike is the best mike. I would kill for season 1 nancy but she's got it covered. Season 1 Steve shows you his capacity for being a bitch, which is WHY the later seasons are so amazing with him being a good guy. You have to be able to remember the moment he took Jonathan's camera from him, jonathan's most prized possession, probably the most expensive and difficult to replace thing Jonathan owns, and smashes it on the pavement. You have to experience him writing (or allowing Tommy to write) "Nancy Wheeler is a SLUT" on the movie theater announcement board on main street. You have to see him shove Jonathan and say "always figured you for a queer" in order to understand how far he's come when he sits on the bathroom floor with Robin and softly says "oh." and still looks at her like she hung the moon. You have to see how much the kids care about each other when they are all in one place or you will never survive the catty nonsense they go through in season 3. SEASON 1 MATTERS SO MUCH.

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There's SO MUCH about season 1!!! I'm supposed to be writing stories right now, so I'm gonna leave it here but please know you will not be slogging through 2 seasons to get to 3 and 4. You'll be watching the best season, a good season, and then arrive at when the plot kind of sucks but the characters have a chokehold on your heart so it doesn't matter.

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[touchmycoat]

Ok, so since the only hualian fan fics I've enjoyed have been either written by you or one recommended by you I humbly beg you to recommend more! I find it so hard to find fan fics that write those characters with all their nuances. And/or i beseech thee to write more hualian? Im dying of thirst. Hahah <3

THANK YOU KINDLY omg that's incredibly sweet of you to say. hualian's an absolute delight to write and I think the scenes of them in Farmer's Almanac are some of my favorite things I've written to date lolololol. I'm more than happy to write more of them ;; While they're not a prominent part in my upcoming leverage AU they certainly get a moment or two!!

As for recs, alas I don't think I have very many new ones. Let me see what I can compile though!!!! I've enjoyed some amazing hualian fics for sure

First fic that came to mind—objectification/immobilization kink fic.

Turned out that Hua Cheng kind of had a thing for when Xie Lian pretended he didn't exist.

It's brilliant, hot and specific as hell and my favorite take on post-canon hualian kink to date.

LOVED this fic—canon divergence, princess and the pea retelling.

“Must be a spoilt brat,” Hua Cheng threw out randomly. “Must be utterly incapable of looking after themselves. Must have no useful skills, except ones that might be useful to me.”

Intriguing, entertaining, sweet, and fun!!! I had a very good time with this fic.

I think most people have read this fic but regardless, it's lovely. Post-canon hualian re: their largely glossed-over-by-canon sex life, a character study of how they get from point A to point Dick-in-Ass.

THIIIIIIIIIIIS. Hualian modern breakup AU—I remember being absolutely blown away by the premise. I guess at this point I just need to go read all of trufflehargau's (great name lmfao) hualian fics 'cause they're rocking the characterization game for me. Needy messy codependent San Lang isn't something everyone can pull off but this author absolutely fucking does. I didn't even realize it updated!!!!! I'm gonna read chapter 2 now!!! Aaahhh!!!!!!!

Aaaand speaking of modern AUs—betts' Digging for Orchids. Of fucking course. I reread this frequently. ex-actor!XL and artist!HC. The plot progression mirrors their canon development well, and their dynamic just feels completely in line with canon.

KINK! NEGOTIATION! IS! MY! KINK!!!!! "you'll know, you'll fall" by mme_anxious. Modern no powers, past abusive relationship, SO good.

[mandareeboo]

ok now im curious what your most petty thing is (regarding the dp post)

Oooh boy, here we go! Buckle up fuckers this is gonna be a longer one.

My senior year of high school, I took a creative writing class. Partially because I needed to fill the slot, mostly because I wanted to improve my writing (spoiler: I did not). Now, my high school was a three floor building- first was mostly gym, second was general, and the third was senior lockers and art classes. I spent a good chunk of my schedule senior year on the second and third floor, going between an art class to my earth science (I took that one entirely as filler, but also bc I like science) to my locker and so on.

Creative writing? Creative writing was in the fucking basement. Go to the first floor, go to a corner generally used for health and development classes, to another corner, follow a ramp and some stairs, and boom there it is kind of basement. (Side note but this teacher was REALLY into attendance and would get you in trouble if you were late which was really annoying since basically no other class was in that part of the building).

My creative writing teacher wasn't bad, per se. I've had worse teachers. I had an algebra teacher who delighted in making freshman girls cry and mocking them for it. I had a journalism teacher who would use her class time reporting how Hilary was secretly ill during the election. I had a history teacher say trans people weren't real to an openly gender nonconforming student (I didn't know them well enough to ask for specifics on their alignment, but they were using they/them at that point) and set up assignments just to mock students on the take they were told to make. It was more that she was uncreative and took it out on the kids doing creative writing.

She gave us two books to read. Basically “how I write” by published authors. I don’t remember the first one well enough and I donated it ages ago, but the second was Stephen King’s “On Writing”. It was 3/4′s personal stories about his life and 1/4′s “also write a bit every day”.  I mostly remember the first author bc she had those fake dreadlocks white people do when they destroy their hair and she gleefully told a story about making her son have a meltdown at a party or wedding or something bc he got overwhelmed and she wanted him to learn that “sometimes you don’t get what you want”. So. You know. Not much there.

She also instructed us to write in a journal every day, which she would check every few months or so. It had to be at least half a page. She would leave little comments in every one else’s journals when she checked them, but not mine- I realized pretty quickly she was a bit uncomfortable with LGBT+ content, so I made it my mission to make every journal drabble as gay as possible bc I was bored and she couldn’t mark them WRONG when she just stated we needed to write.

But it doesn’t end there! Through the entire class, we got exactly five writing projects. Stories that follow very specific guidelines that we would then read in front of the class, group proofread, and then have the teacher give final grades for. These things were approximately like a thousand words a piece, and I was writing out my 10,000 word “It Starts off Small” story in class when I got bored, so it wasn’t difficult. 

Our first project was a character going through a difficult decision. Or... something? I honestly forget the criteria. Anyway, I was HYPE. I’d had this idea for a long time now a human choosing between peaceful death or reincarnation, and this gave me the push to write it! I had a whole thing planned with death being a deer and reincarnation being a wolpertinger (bc reincarnation leads to many possibilities, ed boy, so a Frankenstein bunny made sense to me). Anyway I poured my heart and soul into this bastard and, bright eyed and bushy tailed, handed it in. My classmates all thought it was pretty good. Not to toot m’own horn, but there was some pretty bad ones going in, so I thought I’d get a solid B or something.

I got a D. I guess the struggle was too metaphorical, or it didn’t perfectly fit her criteria. I was devastated. Then I was mad. Bc I was a bored senior who thought they’d made something pretty decent for this completely optional class and her refusal to see that really hurt me at sixteen (I was always a year younger than my other classmates, so despite being a senior I didn’t turn eighteen until almost a year after graduation)

Well, fuck it, I decided. I’m going to parody the shit out of this class.

Our next project was a fantasy story. I was bitter and grumpy. The other fantasy stories read aloud were stuff like “yeah this dude fought a wizard and got a girl, then they went home and banged” (this was not hyperbole, he would’ve written and read the smut if allowed, I knew him personally) and “this girl that NO ONE UNDERSTOOD was called CRAZY but this S@!$ cheerleader who Stole Her Boyfriend so she killed them all” (fun fact: the girl who wrote that was my age and a sort of half-friend from middle school. She was a yaoi fangirl who didn’t mind lesbians as long as they, you know, didn’t FLIRT with her or something.) 

So I get up there. It’s the last day of presentations. And I present with a polite cheer. My story is about two magical shepherd type figures who are called Sister Brighten and Brother Dick as they chase down a werewolf who was drunk off his ass and accidentally bit someone else. They then revealed they were basically supernatural designated drivers for the whole town. I made Brighten mention that Dick’s name wasn’t even Richard. I titled it “His Favorite Brand is Grayhound”. It fit every single criteria. I got an A. I could tell she didn’t want to, because there was no comments or anything like everyone else’s, but she had to follow her own criteria.

Our third was a conjoined effort thing so I didn’t pull any fuckery there, but the fourth one was about common myths and spinning them into real or fake. One girl did the hook-handed door handle thing and the boyfriend ended up above his truck hanging (somehow???). I think someone did the age-old adage of a haunted wedding dress? I kind of read through those presentations. 

Now, I’m salty-salty at this point. I wasn’t expecting His Favorite Brand is Grayhound to get me a good grade. I half-assed a lot of it. I am in full Not Happy Teenager at this point. I grab a daddy long leg and settle in.

My fourth story of the year is “Paperskin.”

Paperskin is about a boy named Billy with the thinnest skin membrane ever. Just full on body horror. You could see his teeth behind his lips. Billy gets bored one day and wanders out of his house, tries to kick a soccer ball, and breaks a leg. As he’s laying in the grass a daddy long leg bites him- and his skin is so flimsy the fangs sink in and he dies. I’m actually still pretty proud of Paperskin. It’s a horrifying, Edgar Allen Poe of a monstrosity, but it made people squirm, which was the point. The teacher is clearly a bit unnerved at this point, but she gives me another A. 

I wrote a more “normal” story after that of a contentious objector forced to house kids going to see if any confirmed soldier deaths were any of their parents as my final one and I could feel her spite as she gave me a B.

So, yeah. That’s the story of when I tormented my creative writing teacher with The Gays and my weird ass sense of humor after she called one of my best works at that age a piece of shit.

 Here’s a google drive of these bad boys, because yes I do still have these things. I turned these fuckers in for grades, people.

[daxieoclock]

hey hey shay! this is late but i wanted to thank you for the tags you wrote on my promo post!! it made me smile ;w; i love when my friends use both pronouns for me waahhh ALSO I DIDNT KNOW YOU LIKED NEO TWEWY???? what are your favorite character moments for everyone if you have any?

Thank you for the ask!!! :D and yeyeye of course! im glad to make my good friends smile C:

and YEAH i do! i didn't play the original, but you can thank @izabellwit's fics, especially all that's left in the world, for getting me invested in the characters. Then when NEO came out, I decided to hit up some playthroughs since I didn't have a switch, and. g-ddamn i was in love.

like the story FUCKED unequivocally but i got sucked in primarily because of the voice work, especially since most of the cast (VAs for Rindo, Nagi, Beat, Neku, Sho, Rhyme, Coco, Shiba, Tsugumi and Hishima) haven't really been in any projects on this scale that I can tell (besides for other TWEWY stuff and KH3D for the veteran characters). Even tho Neo TWEWY isn't like a huge pop culture phenomenon by any means, I'm still hoping this turns into a breakout role for them. Like if this doesn't pay off for Paul Castro Jr, Bailey Gambertoglio, Miranda Parkin, Crawford Wilson, Jessie David Corti, Andy Hirsh, Ashley Rose Orr, Shaun Conde and James Austin Kerr? I'm rioting, they ROCKED this fucking game.

And then on top of that, there's some fucking amazing VAs with history in the industry. Xanthe Huyn as Kuon, Xander Mobus as Tanzo Kubo, Nicolas Cantu as Hazuki and Aaron Spann as Joshua. All of them do phenomenally and it makes me so happy to see them here. Skylark, Kirk Thornton and Robert Buclotz did some damn good work on production and voice direction too, like, you can really tell the voice direction is on point when the entire cast is consistently hitting their vocal mark. Helps that they have some damn charming writing to go off of too.

Anyway uhhh sorry for rambling about VA stuff, ummmm, character things.....Nagi was an eternal delight, and I had the biggest dumbest grin whenever she was on screen. It's impossible to pick a specific favorite moment, she's just a delightfully unhinged weirdo and the loser girl bisexual representation we absolutely needed. Coco was similarly fucking delightful, I like fully came into this game expecting to hate her cause she shot Neku but. it took about two seconds of her being on screen before I forgot that completely and decided I loved her character. As far as actual moments though...tbh the entire last hour of the game was just fucking golden. Shiki showed up and I pogged out of my mind, the entire ensemble came together to fight off the noise, fucking JOSH arrived and was just as big of a condescending asshole (affectionate) as he always is, the protags used all of their powers in unison, the final boss fight was perfectly badass and then everything got wrapped up nice, and that final moment with Shoka getting grumpy at Rindo for not checking his inbox, just....amazing. All golden. I couldn't stop grinning.

But as far as favorite moments? Rindo and Haz's conversation nearly brought me to tears, holy shit.

Haz: "What makes [Shibuya] so special? Why fight so hard to protect it?"

Rindo: "I dunno. It doesn't feel very special right now."

Rindo: "I'm going back. I'm going to save the city and my friends. Without them, all of this means nothing. Shibuya isn't special without them here!"

lost my entire shit it was amazing. g-d what a fucking character moment. rindo's the best, love that kid.

[sukifoof]

Okay I said I only got one so I'm a lot luckier than you but FUCKING MOOD.

Also. Rant incoming feel free to to skip and delete the ask. But!

If I say I do not want a relationship! It is not a personal insult directed specifically at you, my guy! It comes from me spending YEARS considering myself and if I want a romantic relationship, and concluding that I do not! Rejecting you is the happiest outcome! I'm not stuck in a situation burying my feelings to make someone else happy for an indefinite period of time, and you don't need to waste your time on a relationship I KNOW will never go anywhere! Some people just do not wish for romance! GAH!

...The worst part is, engaging in an activity me and a friend mutually enjoy and then getting dinner does sound very appealing to me. I like food and a variety of activities that can be shared with other people. I just don't like the other expectations attached to a romantic date.

Moving from Depressing Real Life to Projecting Onto Fiction. This is why I wish I could find more stories where Toriel is both a lead and not shipped with anyone. She's one of the few characters I've found who are allowed to draw firm boundaries about romantic relationships, doesn't get paired up with anyone, and it isn't treated as a flaw. There is a small number of ships I enjoy, but I very specifically hope Toriel doesn't get paired up with anyone in Deltarune later on.

...Welp. Hope you enjoyed my rant?

oh my god i am so delighted by this is ask thank u for this

i also have a quick Aro Rant. for SOME reason so many guys in highschool took me being nice to them as "omg theyre in love with me i have to never leave them alone and find out where their classes are before they show up and corner them in the hall and Be Incredibly Inappropriate And Manipulative So They Never Stop Talking To Me" and it was. SOOOO bad.... it got to a point where i needed a slip to be able to go to guidance to Escape The Creepy Guys,, i would talk about it but it was Awful. sorry guys i am just Not Interested In Anyone the idea of being in a romantic relationship makes me Unbelievably Anxious

but anyway!! ur SO right about toriel.... i can definitely see her as aro or demiro or something like that,, im not a big shipping person cuz i just dont Get It so i can definitely relate to the struggle of trying to find content of a specific character and theyre always paired with someone for some reason...... i hope u can find some Good Toriel Content soon 🙏

oh another thing,, i think one of the reasons i love ut so much is cuz ive always related to flowey feeling like he cant love and its okay that he feels that way cuz that doesnt mean he deserves to be shunned or hated,,, something about that always really touched me Especially cuz i got into ut right at the time i started questioning if i was aro and when i was having a really hard time relating to people.... i think it took me a lot of time to come to terms with it but recently ive been a lot more comfortable with it and i wouldnt be surprised if that was thanks to good ol flowey the flower..... anyway concept what if. what if deltarune asriel. aro. also what if sans and toriel good aro friends What If

[takerfoxx]

Some stuff from 2020 that I actually liked

Okay, so 2020 was a godawful year, we all agree. But a lot of good did happen to keep us sane, so I want to go ahead and list everything that made me happy last year. Also, note that some of these things actually debuted earlier than 2020, but I came across it in 2020, so it counts for me.

TV!

-The Hollow.

The Hollow is a truly underappreciated show. A cool premise and interesting characters that just got better every episode.

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

This is one of the best single-season shows I’ve ever seen. Absolutely brilliant, and fuck you Netflix for pulling the plug!

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

This show is not my thing by any means, and I would never have checked it out if the opening wasn’t so attention-grabbing. Glad I did, because it gave me genuine joy. Though it probably should have debuted later in the year, since it seems custom-made for the quarantine months. 

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: Season 5

What more can I say? One of my favorite shows of all time going out with a fantastic bang. God, I love this show.

Honorable mentions: Kipo and the Age of the Wunderbeasts, The Owl House, Magia Record, and SSSS Gridman.

MOVIES

There wasn’t a lot of movies worth talking about this year, and fewer that I actually saw. This one had the good fortune to drop just in time to dominate the box office right before quarintine shut everything down. And for a film with such an uninspired premise, such a problematic production, and being a video game movie no less, it just brought me so much joy.

VIDEO GAMES

Stinkoman 20x6: Level 10

Homestar Runner was my first favorite thing on the internet, and I spent many hours playing through Stinkoman 20x6 well over a decade ago. So when they finally announced the final level mere days before flash died forever, it was a big of closure I never thought I would get.

A Hat in Time

This game was a surreal delight. More like this, please!

Hollow Knight

On the other end of the spectrum, good lord was exploring the world of Hollownest a joy. Can’t wait for Silksong!

Honorable mention: Orri and the Blind Forest

PRO WRESTLING

Tetsuya Naito achieves his Destino

I’ve already got into detail why this moment was so special, so I won’t repeat myself here. But man, was it incredible.

Kota Ibushi, back-to-back G1 winner!

If it were anyone else, I would be annoyed. But it’s Kota.

I started watching Lucha Underground!

This show is years old, but I only started watching it this year, and I’m glad that I did, because it is so much fun. It’s basically Mortal Kombat as a wrestling show!

Honorable mentions: the Firefly Funhouse match, Roman Reigns turning heel, Kenny Omega and Jon Moxley’s AEW championship wins

LITERATURE

Two Dresden Books

The Dresden Files is my favorite book series, and after waiting so long for it to return, getting two books in the same year was a real treat

Dance in the Vampire Bund

This is probably my guiltiest of guilty pleasures, because unlike other guilty pleasures like To Love-Ru or the Hollywood Undead in which their unashamed schlockiness is part of the charm DitVB is largely a fantastic vampire story with a richly drawn world, great characters, a compelling plot, and some truly great action. It just has that one really gross aspect that overshadows everything else, and unfortunately is promoted as its main selling point. That being said, I was happy to see it return.

PERSONAL WRITING

Returning to fanfiction

Ah, IM and RD, how I’ve missed thee. Sure, my heyday may be over, but it’s still wonderful to return to old stories

Finishing both Walpurgis Nights and Restless

These two were both passion projects that have been taking up space in my head for years, so finishing both was a dream come true, no pun intended

Getting Blood Island going

I have no idea how my future in original fiction will go, but I hope it’s good.

MUSIC

DemonDice

Yes, we all know who she is now, but finding Calliope’s older stuff kind of makes me mad about how unappreciated she was. 

Mystery Skulls - Ultra Rare vol. 2

I remember asking Mystery Skulls right after vol 1 dropped if a vol 2 was in the worlds, and he said definitely. It took a while, but it’s finally here.

Skyhill returns

God, Howling at the Moon came when I needed it the most.

K/DA All Out

I found out that this was coming out literally days before it dropped, and it ROCKED!

Ken Ashcorp

Why yes, I would like more incredibly catchy, shamelessly horny songs about nerdy stuff that I like, thank you very much.

Honorable Mentions: Hybrid Theory deluxe edition, In This Moment, Gorillaz Song Machine

Misc.

hololive

This is the era of the Vtuber. I still don’t fully understand why these cute but psycho anime girls bring me so much joy, but I’m glad that they do. 

And finally...

Donald Trump gets voted out of office.

Fuck you, you narcissistic, fascist piece of shit. You losing didn’t make up for such an awful year or for the four years in which you ran this country into the ground, but it was a good start!

[ad1thi]

2020 fic recs!! [Part 1]

this idea was stolen from @iam93percentstardust cuz i just,,,thought that this year was absolute shit and it would be nice to make a fic rec list of fics from this year that helped me through it. this will be over a range of fandoms and ships, but all fics were written this year. 

fics are ordered by the month they were published. ive tried to keep to five fics per month, but this is not obviously all the fics ive read that month - i just didn’t want to make this insanely long. 

im releasing the first half of this on the 1st of December, and the second half on the 1st of January 2021 - because otherwise it would just get so long (and also so i will actually have fics for December)

happy reading!! hopefully you find fics on this you haven’t read yet

***

January

The cat is mighty dignified (until the dog comes by): @five-wow

Steve and Danny find them on the pillow in the corner of the dining area, where Eddie is on his side, ass half on the floor because the pillow is more cat-sized than lab-sized, and Pickles is nestled between Eddie’s front legs, essentially being spooned and looking very I-got-the-cream about it. Pickles’ head is tucked into the crook of Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s head slots perfectly on top of Mr. Pickles’, like a furry jigsaw puzzle.

“They’re cuddling,” Steve points out, unnecessarily.

Or: There is a love story unfolding under the McGarrett roof.

Captain ‘Socialist Rage Muffin’ America: @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah

It takes three months of dating Steve Rogers for Tony to understand why Aunt Peggy once shot at him in sheer frustration.

Alternately titled, Honey, I committed treason again.

The Best Laid Plans (Of Mice and Men): @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

His Dark Materials AU

It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.

“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”

Fourteen Million to One: @tunastorks

Six months after Thanos, six months after Tony’s death, six months after Steve returns to his own timeline, Tony Stark turns up on their doorstep.

Brewed Awakening: @iam93percentstardust

Two years after he comes out of the ice, Steve is drifting through life. On his teammate's recommendation, he decides to go back to school where he meets the grandson of an old friend. He finds happiness with Tony but Steve won't be in Boston forever and someone is out to hurt the Starks. Will Steve and Tony be able to reach their happily ever after?

February

the young, the reckless and the foolish: @bruciewayne

In most universes, they don't know each other, not in the slightest, or they hate each other, in a way that's perfectly logical for anyone who were to find themselves in a similar situation.

In this one, they've known each other since they were four years old and naively idealistic.

This is them over the years, against the odds.

a giant sign: @areiton

“Think you can get him to open the weapons division up again?” his CO asks, his voice hungry and Rhodey laughs because this--

“No. Tony hung up his weapons.”

“That’s not what the suit says,” his CO objects, and Rhodey shrugs.

Tony has always had rules, rules he expects the entire world to live by.

And then there was Rhodey, slipping under them.

my heart is driftwood, floating down your coast: @nethandrake

Tonight, there’s a stranger in his backseat. That’s not unusual.

He’s also sad. That’s not unusual either.

What is unusual is that the stranger is silent.

(One night, a stranger enters Steve's taxi. Nothing is the same again.)

Just A Cold: @/delighted 

There’s a new text waiting for him. It’s from Steve of course, and it’s vaguely threatening as most messages from Steve are these days. Still Danny ignores it, and now he’s really playing with fire. Maybe it’ll burn the cold out of him.

Or, Danny’s sick, and Steve can’t stay away. The usual comfort fluff. With a little cameo from a gently meddling Grace.

An Unexpected Guide: @/Rachel500

Danny Williams has hidden his Guide status to keep being a detective, but his time of hiding is up when he unexpectedly finds his Sentinel, Steve McGarrett in the midst of a tragedy.

March

Why don’t we (Collide the spaces that divide us): @five-wow

When they finally catch sight of each other again through the milling crowds, they’re both a little worse for wear. Danny’s left side is covered in glitter and every time he brushes a hand over his hair, more blue and purple confetti rains down. Steve is- Well, Steve is randomly shirtless, which is all things considered not excessively remarkable, but he’s also covered in smudges of colorful paint and has a very nicely printed bloodred lipstick kiss mark on his cheek.

“What did you do?” Danny asks, because it looks like Steve had a lot more fun than he did.

Or: Steve and Danny accidentally end up in the middle of something entirely new.

A Little Unsteady: @finduilasclln 

Written for the Tumblr prompt meme : "Hey! I was gonna eat that!"

Tony lashes out at Bucky for eating his dessert. Only, it really isn't about the dessert.

a national treasure: @starklysteve

Steve isn't looking for an apple and Tony decides his passion is to inspire young souls. -x- OR: the AU where Tony is a Youtuber and Steve is Captain America and somehow they still save the world together.

April

cycle through: @ambivalentmarvel

Twenty-five years ago, Tony Stark disappeared from his family home a month after the tragic deaths of his parents, Howard and Maria Stark, leaving a billion-dollar tech conglomerate without an heir and the world wondering what happened.

Twenty-three years ago, HYDRA gained another super soldier.

Ten years ago, Peter Parker’s parents died in what is ruled as a home invasion gone wrong but he knows was murder, plain and simple, because he spoke to the killer.

And in the present, Project Insight fails, and the Iron Soldier pays the price.

FOREVER-LOVE YOU-I: @/Eudoxia

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Especially for Tony's soulmate.

--

Companion piece to my fic Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended. This is Steve's POV, with a few extra scenes, as a treat.

(Edit: Sorry if you guys get multiple notifications for this. I just realized (about two hours after posting it) that I fucked up the grammar in the title and I HAD to fix it. YOLO, I guess.)

come build a home out of me: @maguna-stxrk

Steve clears his throat.

“What if I went with you?” he asks nonchalantly, like his heart isn’t threatening to beat out of his ribcage.

Tony blinks a few times, looking at Steve, his mouth ajar. “As a— As my date?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, feeling a little breathless.

“You don’t mind?” Tony furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t. In fact, you can just tell them I’m your boyfriend. I’m sure they’ll back off, wouldn’t they?”

What.

“I— Huh?” Tony stares at him, brown eyes blown wide open.

What. What. What.

“Huh? Uh, I mean— You know, that way people will see that you have definitely moved on. Monica will see that you have moved on. Right?” Steve smiles, hoping that it masks his inner panic, because what?

Steve Rogers, what have you done?

i don’t have a choice (but i’d still choose you): @nethandrake

There’s a name inked onto his chest, a name written in an all-too familiar scrawl. And it’s— It’s—

Steve doesn’t realize his body is quaking until he’s tracing the tattoo with a shaky finger.

Because of course that is the name etched into the skin. Like a brand, a reminder for everything he has done. An appropriate retribution.

Anthony Edward Stark.

(When Thanos snaps half of the universe away, he unknowingly leaves the other half with soulmarks.)

ua haʻalele ʻoe iaʻu (a ua hoʻomālamalama ʻoe iaʻu): @just-fandomthings

"The truth is, I was shot in the chest and nearly died, and not even three days after I was released from the hospital, you up and left-- and of those two, I'm not sure which one hurt me worse!"

(Coda to 10x22 because come on, we all need a better ending than the one given to us.)

Title loosely translates to: "You left me in the dark (you lit me up)" -- inspired by the brilliant song "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

May

A Piece Of The Past: @hddnone

It had been so many years since Bucky had gone undercover in the Stark family's mob, he thought he'd gotten away clean.

Then Tony Stark slid into the seat across from him at his breakfast diner, and Bucky's boss has a new case for him.

the privilege of loving you: @starklysteve

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?

-x-

Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter

your pillow feels so soft now (but still you must advance): @firebrands

When Bruce is 13, he decides to go to boarding school. It's an opportunity for him to learn about other people, and how to interact with them.

Bruce has the misfortune of meeting Tony Stark upon his arrival in Roxbury. Bruce is moving into his room, and Tony opens the door of his room to watch. He looks a bit younger than Bruce, hair wild and eyes bright. Bruce has never seen a boy like him before—handsome and confident.

Bruce doesn’t like it.

IMPORTANT: This fic has them meeting at 14, then progresses slowly until they’re 17. Includes underage drinking and kissing.

This is set before Bruce becomes Batman and Tony becomes Iron Man and I have no explanation as to how or why they just DO Canonically, Bruce is 17 when he finishes school and goes around the world to train, so we're sticking with that

The Real MVP: @sword-and-stars (part of a series)

[“I have saved this Tuesday!” Sokka announces, rattling the bag upon reentry.

Zuko doesn’t even look up from his phone as he deadpans, “It’s Thursday.”

Okay, so Sokka is still having trouble getting his days right without checking. At least he’s gone back to sleeping at night! Going to bed at night is way easier when you have a cute, cuddly boyfriend who starts falling asleep around eleven o’clock. It also helps that he and Zuko are on solid gold butt-touching terms.

It’s been a while since Sokka has been on butt-touching terms with someone and it’s amazing.]

Or,

Sokka knows a guy, gets laid, and introduces Zuko to the merits of an afternoon delight.

When is a bed not a bed? (When you’re not in it): @riotwritesthings

There’s a tiny safe house, with one tiny window and one tiny couch.

And one tiny little bed.

June

Nice Fingers: @anthonyed

A single compliment given by Tony stirs Bucky restless until he caves in and asks him out on a date.

With Steve’s help of course (whether he likes it or not).

The Darkest Touch: @starkrogerrs

This is the story of how Steve finds that it has been ordained that he is to marry a monster he cannot resist aka the God of Love himself, Tony.

It's Cupid x Psyche retold, but with thrice the amount of porn.

The Night Shift:  @weethreequarter

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Wind Beneath My Wings: @iam93percentstardust

Sam first meets Tony Stark in 2005 when he joins the EXO-7 Falcon program.

In jest: @/apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

[queenlua]

hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue.  see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP.   and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP.  so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on.  there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc.  you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing