#the plot seems interesting but I think I’ll just drop it

[paarksunghoon]

grocery store receipts (sunghoon)

SUMMARY: your hot neighbor seems to have everything you don’t: charm, confidence, and a sense of direction in life. you’ve managed to keep to yourself in the time you’ve lived across from his apartment but the holiday season brings brings out unresolved feelings, and you find that the best present of all has always been standing right in front of you.

WORD COUNT: 31.5K.

PLAYLIST: I ended up making one for this fic

NOTES: consider this a love letter to sunghoon. this story had three plots before it became what it is right now. I’m not somebody who generally enjoys the holidays but wish I could be, so this is a bit of a diary entry, of sorts. (me to me: it’s really not that serious.)

and thanks to @moonstruck-muses for being the best person I know…I love who I am when I’m with you and I’m so grateful that you ended up tagging along to oomf’s house all those months ago. kinda hilarious that I knew you’d be a jake girl before you did, but I think that sums up the kind of friendship we have. 🩷

WARNINGS: fluff & angst, mentions of poor childhoods and bad parental relationships, a whole lot of Christmas talk, smut in the form of: dry humping, oral (f. receiving), missionary, sunghoon’s kinda obsessed with her chest, multiple orgasms, fingering. unprotected sex, creampie, and typos, probably.

MASTERLIST

****

“Did you bring the sweater?”

Jake holds up a large white paper bag and pulls out the fabric, pushing the decorative detail in your direction. “Boom. You’ll win the ugly sweater competition, no doubt.”

“It’s not a contest.” You take the bag from him and Jake beams at you with that boyish smile he has when he gets excited about something. You feel a bit soft that he’s excited for you. “But thank you for letting me borrow it.” 

Heeseung grabs the sweater and holds it up in front of him. “This…is something else. Why do you have it in the first place?”

“It’s got a disco dance floor with breakdancing gingerbread men,” Jake deadpans. “It’s snowing inside the club. Why wouldn’t I buy it?”

Jay laughs. “He saw it at a thrift store last Christmas and bought it on a whim. I don’t think he’s worn it, so it’s good that you’re taking it off his hands.”

“I still want it back even if I have nowhere to wear it to.” 

You bump Jake’s hip. “You could always wear it to run errands.” 

He makes a face. “I’m not that crazy.” 

Heeseung folds the sweater and puts it back in the bag before handing it off to you for safekeeping when all four of you walk deeper into the bar. It’s cold outside. It’s the kind of weather that has you layered up in a scarf and a large peacoat that shields you from the chilly bite of the air. Summer has long passed and spring isn’t for another few months, and the joy you feel from the temperature dropping echoes within the warm bar you find yourself in. The juxtaposition of snowy air met with a warm furnace feels comforting in all of the right ways.

You offer to get a table and hum in appreciation with Jay and Jake volunteer to split the first round. They know your order on a weekday evening—whiskey sour��because you don’t like to go overboard when you have to wake up early the next morning. Heeseung slides into the booth beside you and nudges your shoulder.

“Are you still interested in the Marketing Lead position? I heard Kang Eunji’s transferring to the Tokyo office and that the company is looking to hire internally.”

“Now how would you know that, Lee Heeseung?” He shrugs with an uptick to the corner of his mouth.

“I have my ways.”

“Did you, by any chance, flirt with our floor’s secretary to get this information?” 

Heeseung’s cheeks reddens. “It’s not my fault that she’s into me, okay?! I’ve turned her down plenty of times because I don’t do workplace relationships, but I’ll make an exception if that means helping my best friend get promoted.”

“Poor girl. She probably thinks you’re stringing her along.” Heeseung rolls his eyes.

“I’m doing nothing of that sort. I just smiled at her, complimented her dress, and asked if the rumors about Eunji leaving were true.” 

“You walk through life getting everything you want handed to you, huh?” Heeseung smiles innocently but the two of you end up sharing a laugh. 

“I’m serious, though. I don’t know how much I can help since everybody in the office knows we’re close. They’ll definitely think I bias you over other candidates.”

“Don’t you?” 

“Well yeah, but let’s consider there are a few other people whose words matter more than mine.” 

“That is awfully nice of you. I’m a little concerned that you might have something up your sleeve but I appreciate you.” 

He laughs. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you have a good Christmas.” The boyish smile he wears makes you feel tender but you push against him anyway.

“You’re a little scary when you’re nice to me.” 

“What? I can’t be nice to the girl who spilled hot coffee down my shirt the first time we met?”

You mumble. “I’m clumsy.”

“Are we talking about you being an absolute klutz?” Jay puts your drink in front of you. “If so, do you remember the time we were playing tennis in my backyard and you tripped over grass?”

“Okay, okay! I get it. I have terrible coordination and fine motor skills.” You hide your smile behind the glass and thank them for the drink before Jake speaks up.

“You’ll have to send me a picture of you in the sweater. I want to put it up in my fridge, or something. What’s it for anyway?”

“The company Heeseung and I work at hosts spirit month every holiday season,” you explain. “Every Friday is casual dress day, but starting in the first week of November, there’s a holiday theme and I think it’s fun to dress up.”

“I’m surprised at how many people do it,” Heeseung chimes in.

“I’m sure we can find one day that works for you.”

“I’ll only consider dressing up if you can make it look tasteful.”

“Please just dress up once,” you beg. “You can wait until it gets close to Christmas. Besides, you’d look good in some of the categories.”

“What are the themes?” Jay asks.

“Next week is Winter Wonderland and the week after that is Red Day. I’m pretty sure there’s a Pajama Day somewhere.”

“Well, I might show up to the office in sweats.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“I wish my job did something fun.” Jake pouts behind his beer. “I’m in a lab all day so even if I wore something festive, it’s covered by a white coat.”

Jay laughs. “You act like being able to wear a white coat is a bad thing.”

“It is when you can’t see break dancing gingerbread men.”  

“Have you guys started Christmas shopping?” Heeseung stares at the drink in his hand as if a lightbulb hangs over his head. “All this holiday talk made me realize I haven’t started thinking about what to get my friends and family. I have absolutely no idea what to get you guys.”

“You could get me a free week at your client’s fancy hotel.” Heeseung looks at Jay and deadpans, whereas the younger boy laughs.

“I’d get myself a weekend vacation before I give it to you.” He sighs. “It would be fun if all four of us could go on a vacation away from Seoul, though. No worries, no work, and no responsibilities.”

“The lab’s slowing down and I’ve made a list of people I need to give gifts to.” Jake pulls his phone out and shows everybody the note on his phone, aptly titled ‘CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR THE HOMIES.’ You try to see what he’s put beside your name but he pulls his phone away faster than you can read.

Jay looks at you. “I’ll bet you've been prepared since summer.”

“I’m only put together when it comes to the holidays, Jay.”

“Does that mean you have most of your gifts wrapped?” 

You nod proudly. “You know me too well.”

“I want to know what you got me.” 

“Nope, no guessing.”

“I don’t think you can beat last year’s gift for him,” Jake snickers. “Poor Jay almost had a heart attack when you were able to get his guitar signed by Hisashi Tonomura since you worked with him for a campaign.” 

“That was tricky because I didn’t know how to ask for your guitar without tipping you off.”

“I knew you wanting to learn how to play was a bullshit excuse,” Jay says with a laugh. “But looking back at it now, that really was a great gift.” 

Heeseung raises his eyebrows at you suggestively. “Are you getting anything for your cute next door neighbor?” You aren’t tipsy by any means, but the mere mention of the hot guy who lives across the hall from your apartment makes your cheeks feel warm. The guys laugh when you look away from them and you hear their laughter ringing in your ears as you try to maintain your shyness.

“No, Heeseung. It would be weird of me to get a gift for someone I barely know.”

“Maybe you should!” Jake nudges your knee with the tip of his shoe. “You guys could fall in love for all anybody knows.” 

You smile weakly. “I’m too scared to talk to him. He’s so…hot.” 

Jay snorts. “So you tell us.” 

Your neighbor, who you and the guys have dubbed ‘The Stranger,’ moved into your building nearly a year ago. In that time, you haven’t mustered up the courage to say anything to him. You keep it at awkward eye contact when you see him leaving or arriving at the same time and begin daydreaming the minute you lock your door behind you. His dark hair, striking brown eyes, and pouty lips is enough to make him the subject of your waking thoughts. 

Your friends seem to overestimate your confidence and encourage you to talk to The Stranger, but your resolve crumbles every time you make eye contact with him. Surely a man like that belongs only in fairy tale books or those cliché romance novels middle-aged women seem to like so much. He’s always impeccably dressed with fitted clothing and a clean face that never seems to have blemishes. He must be well off because you recognize name brands adorning his chiseled body.

His demeanor intimidates you too. The Stranger always stands with his chin parallel to the floor and walks with his shoulder held back as if invisible books were stacked on top of his head. The way he carries himself makes you think he’s confident and it intimidates you because you’re anything but. The Stranger is always polite, acknowledging you if he happens to see you around your shared hallway, but he remains aloof with barely a glance before disappearing. He is every bit tall, dark, and handsome, and you’re a little too unsure of yourself to ever make the first move. 

Heeseung, your closest friend since you moved to Seoul, always tells you there’s nothing to fear and that rejection isn’t the end of the world. You try to take his advice but Heeseung is the type of person who never has never had to worry about rejection because people are lining up the doors for him. He’s got a charming personality that almost certainly helped secure his promotion at the company you two work. He’s also got enough charisma and good looks to hook women in. Heeseung doesn’t have to lift a finger to get anybody to pay attention to him. Besides, you’d rather live in this yearning stage of your life than face the awkwardness of seeing him after he rejects you. 

(“If he rejects you,” you hear Heeseung’s voice say in the back of your mind.)

It’s the same for Jay and Jake, too. They’re both incredibly handsome and know their way around people, even if they’re a bit shy at times. Jake especially, who has a clear accent in the way he speaks, can easily make friends with anybody at the mere mention of the way he speaks. Jay attracts people left and right because of his chiseled jawline and the fact that he’s musically gifted, and people stay because he’s incredibly compassionate and attentive.

You love your friends because they’re wonderful people who always seem to know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking before you can tell them. But you’re a little bit envious that the world seems to work out for them without doing too much. You find that your experiences have the opposite outcome and you’ve had your fair share of rejection stories across every aspect of your life. All of your insecurities have been with you from childhood until now, and trying to be the bigger person is becoming harder every single day. It’s probably what keeps you from doing anything but approach the attractive man that lives across from you. The Stranger is simply somebody too beautiful and you aren’t sure if you’re worthy enough to be somebody he can look at. 

“He’s hot and single.” Heeseung puts his hand on his chin. “Doesn’t seem like a problem to me.” 

“We don’t know that he’s single.”

“I wish I knew what he looked like.” Jake pouts at his beer. “Who doesn’t have an Instagram or social media?” 

“You’re one to talk. You barely post on Instagram and every picture you have is outdated. I’m pretty sure the only person who cares enough is Jay.” 

The aforementioned speaks next. “Has he ever brought girls home before?” 

You shrug. “I don’t think so?” 

“There you have it. He’s single, hot, and you should make a move on him! You never know what’ll happen.” 

“Can we drop it?” you ask, starting to feel a bit restless where you sit. “It’ll happen if it’s meant to happen.” Jake sits back and tries to hide his sulk, although you know he only wants the best for you so you try not to feel annoyed. 

“Are any of you going home for the holidays?” Jay asks to break the silence. 

“Probably not,” Heeseung replies. “My family wanted to go somewhere tropical and spending time in the heat doesn’t sound too good to me. I’ll probably see them when they get back and make a weekend out of it.” 

“Same here.” Jake finishes off the rest of his beer. “My brother’s coming from Brisbane and my parents are spending it back home, but we agreed to meet up next year since they visited Seoul a few months back. You?”

“Staying here because my extended family will be here for a week or so. I’ve got some family obligations but they told me to take it easy now that I’m living on my own.” 

“Sounds like you guys will be bothering each other even more now, huh?”

Jay laughs. “Yeah, I guess so. What about you? Are you going back home this year?” 

You look down at your hands. “I don’t know yet. My mom keeps asking if she should expect me to come home but I’ve put off making that decision for a long time. It’s just hard, you know? After dealing with my dad and everything that went down a few years ago…I don’t know if I’m ready to go back.” 

Her voice lingers in the back of your head the more you think about it. You don’t talk to her often and leave phone calls with her around two to three times a week. She sends you Instagram reels she thinks are funny and you do your best to laugh at them too. But the reality is that talking to her about the holidays reminds you of everything you’re running away from. 

It’s been four years since you moved for a fresh start after university. Seoul used to be so big and enticing compared to the small fishing town you hail from. The streets smell like delicious savory and sweet goods instead of the raw stench of live bait and wet creatures. The lights that illuminate the night sky due to the gargantuan billboards make you feel like this city never truly sleeps because the next adventure is at arm’s length. It’s what you’ve craved for so long and now that you have it, going back to your neighborhood is starting to make you feel guilty for achieving one of your dreams and leaving everything behind. 

Your friends seem to know what’s running through your head. You’ve been this way every winter since they met you. Heeseung gently nudges your arm with his elbow to pull you out of your thoughts. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? We’ll be here for you.”

“I know. I just feel guilty for not going back home since I moved. It’s a two hour train ride but I can’t bring myself to buy the ticket. It’s so hard to be in a place that brings you bad memories.”

“We’ll keep you company this Christmas,” Jake promises. “We aren’t going anywhere so there’s no reason for you to be alone.” 

“Thanks, guys. I’m sorry that I brought the mood down.” 

“What else is drinking at bars for if not to lament about the sad shit?” Jake smiles when that pulls a laugh out of you. 

“Yeah, you’re right. But if I’m hungover at work tomorrow, it’s your fault.”

***

Despite a difficult conversation that sparked haunting nostalgic memories to resurface at once, you managed to keep your drinking to a minimum and stopped yourself after a single cocktail. Heeseung dropped you off and promised to be back to carpool to work tomorrow, and the last thing you thought about before sleeping was The Stranger. 

Your under eye bags aren’t as groggy as they are when you’d drink the night away, but they still feel heavy underneath you. Moisturizer and concealer can only do so much to get rid of the dark circles on your face so you make do and send a silent prayer that you’ll look decent for the entire day. Jake’s ugly sweater hangs perfectly against your dresser and you do your best to style around the atrocious design, but it makes you smile to see such a ridiculous piece of clothing on your body. It reminds you that the holidays are beginning and you try to think about all of the festivities in the area instead of the looming doom of going back to your hometown during this time of year. You take a quick picture of yourself and send it in the group chat, thanking Jake for the impeccably horrible sweater. Once your work bag is packed, Heeseung tells you he’s parked outside of your apartment building. 

You step outside and lock your door only to be greeted by The Stranger.

He blinks when he takes note of the dancing gingerbread men and cocks his head trying to make sense of him. The Stranger, on the other hand, is wearing a fitted longsleeve shirt that nearly molds around the muscles of his arm and baggy pants that somehow make him seem taller than you recall. His hands are adorned with silver jewelry and his shoes look like they might be as expensive as your monthly rent. You’re starting to feel the juxtaposition of your outfit compared to his when he looks at you and the design of the fabric feels heavy on your shoulders.

“That is an ugly sweater.” The Stranger widens his eyes and the tips of his ears turn a shade of pink when his words finally register. “I just mean that your sweater is…interesting.” 

You can’t help but laugh. “It’s alright. This sweater is really ugly.” 

“Any particular reason as to why you’re wearing it, then?” 

“Today’s a holiday spirit day at work,” you explain to him. “Every Friday has a different theme and today just so happens to be Ugly Sweater Day.”

“I hope you get a consolation prize because, wow…that truly is an atrocious piece of clothing.”

The two of you start to make your way towards the elevator, and stand in awkward silence as you wait for it to reach your floor. You see him stealing glances at the design and feel your neck warming up, and start to wish you could take it off. The thought of this outfit being The Stranger's first impression of you makes you feel humiliated, but Heeseung is waiting for you outside and Jake didn’t give it to you just for it to hang in your closet. 

The chime alerts you to the doors opening and The Stranger allows you to get in first. You're about to press the button for the lobby when he beats you to it. You settle into an uncomfortable silence, resisting the urge to itch your palms and shift awkwardly to avoid drawing attention to yourself. Everything about him screams opulence, from the way he stands to the way his cologne smells. You aren’t sure that you can name the notes in the scent, but it smells extremely expensive. Even the way he stands makes you feel like you should fix your posture. 

“I’m Sunghoon,” says The Stranger. His deep voice echoes in the elevator and your throat feels dry as you tell him your name. “I’ll remember that for when we inevitably run into each other.” 

The lobby is fairly empty but you can see the hustle and bustle of city life when you look past the glass walls. Heeseung is sitting in his car, scrolling on his phone when Sunghoon opens the door for you and lets you walk out in front of him. You feel him looking at you and turn around one last time. He takes one more look at the sweater and nods. 

“Well, uh, have a good spirit day at work.”

“T-Thanks!” 

You don’t wait for his reaction and turn around to walk towards Heeseung’s car that you noticed has been recently washed. He unlocks the doors when he hears you tugging on the handles and looks at the sweater before bursting out into laughter.

“Jesus, that sweater is so fucking ugly.” 

“Thanks.” 

When you don’t put your seatbelt on, Heeseung turns to see that you’re looking outside of the window. He darts his eyes to see if he can catch a glimpse of your line of sight but comes up empty. You look fresh for this hour of the morning and Heeseung wonders if the smile on your face is because of the upcoming spirit day. 

“What are you looking at?”

You whip your head to your friend, who looks at you quizzically. “You will not believe who I talked to this morning.” 

“Who? Santa?” Heeseung looks at the photo you sent in the group chat earlier. “Nice selfie, by the way. You look like an elf.”

You swat his shoulder. “No, dummy.”

“Then who did you meet?” 

“My neighbor.” Heeseung’s jaw drops and you swat his shoulder again. He winces, but you can’t find it in yourself to care too much and buckle yourself to his passenger seat. “We gotta get to work. Drive and I’ll tell you.”

He grips the wheel and starts the fifteen minute journey. “Did you finally introduce yourself to him?” 

“Not quite. We walked out of our apartments at the same time. He said, and I quote, ‘That is an ugly sweater.’”

“I don’t know whether to be happy or sorry for you.”

“I feel stupid because of all the days I had to run into him, it had to be today.” Heeseung’s seat warmers make it all that more enticing to sulk. You tug at the hem and inspect the design, feeling somewhat regretful that you chose to participate in today’s spirit day. “I told him a little bit about why I’m wearing it and he seemed to think it was funny.” 

“Does he smell good?” You flick Heeseung’s arm, who laughs in the driver’s seat.

“Shut up. But yeah, he really does.” 

“What’s his name?” 

“Sunghoon.” Your mouth curves into a smile. 

“Sunghoon. Nice name. Sounds fancy.” 

“I guess so. He does wear a lot of name brands and high luxury fashion.”

“His name definitely suits him, then.” 

To nobody’s surprise, you have the best ugly sweater throughout the office. More people participated than you and Heeseung had originally guessed and the holiday-themed snacks your division manager provided was enough to boost office morale. The weather outside is getting darker earlier and you even feel a bit restless after sitting in your office for a while. 

Heeseung watches you from behind your frosted doors as he talks to the floor secretary to order files and copies of his projects, and the sight of you in that horrendous sweater with a smile on your face makes him smile too. You’ve looked like that the entire day, from picking you up and throughout lunch, and Heeseung wonders if could ever convince you to make a move on your neighbor since you talk about him so much. He doesn’t know how much longer he can listen to your fantasies while being extremely shy to strike a conversation with him. 

He turns to the group chat he has with Jay and Jake. You’re notably absent from this text thread (as told by the name of the group chat) and they use it to discuss anything deemed ‘guy stuff’ (most infamously when you text “TAKE THIS ELSEWHERE” when they start getting too boyish for your taste).

The Gentlemen’s Club 

heeseung: GUYS. She met her neighbor this morning

heeseung: His name is Sunghoon and he saw her with Jake’s ugly sweater

heeseung: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

jake: IS HE CUTE

heeseung: I think so. She was blushing the entire car ride here and could barely say anything until we parked 

jake: fuck yea. i trust her taste in men because she thinks byeon wooseok and kim jaeyoung are hot. they’re gonna fall in love guys 

jay: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Jake had one too many cups of coffee  

jake: well yes BUT u know me and you know i think they’ll have a meet cute

heeseung: Technically they already had one. Although I don’t if I’d call it a meet cute since he called your sweater ugly to her face

jake: whatever. you know what I mean. we should find out what he looks like 

jay: And how are we gonna do that?   

jake: idk maybe throw a little get together this weekend

heeseung: That’s a little soon, no? 

jake: next weekend then. 

jake: I can host at my place. tell her to bring whoever she wants. I need an excuse for a housewarming anyway 

jay: You moved in three months ago tho??

jake: it’s time to have one now!!!! I’ll text the group chat with all of us 

Heeseung switches to the group chat with you in it. 

The Family Unit:

jake: housewarming. my place. next saturday. 6pm. bring food 

jay: If you’re throwing the party, why do we need to bring the food

jake: because I am hosting god knows how many people and I cannot afford all of that 

heeseung: We can figure this out later 

you: Jaeyun, didn’t you move in three months ago ???

jay: THAT’S WHAT I SAID.

jake: we can have an official party now!!!!. bring whoever you want as long as they’re cool

you: Say less!!! I’m there. I’ll bring dessert

jake: 🤤

jay: Can I leave this group chat?

It’s painfully boring for the rest of the day as you all tie up loose ends before 6 PM hits, but you power through it and let your assistant go home for the day. With the weekend looming near after sending a few more emails, you swear you can feel the tension exiting your body. Heeseung knocks on your door and steps inside as you send one last message to a client. 

“You should invite Sunghoon.” 

“To what?” you ask him, temporarily clouded by end-of-week work stress.

“To Jake’s housewarming, dude. It’s the perfect excuse to talk to him again.” You sit back in your chair and look at him as he sits in front of you. 

“I don’t think I have the guts to do that.”

“It’s easy. Knock on his door and tell him there’s gonna be free food and drinks next weekend.”

You scoff. “Easy for you to say. You’re like a magnet. People are drawn to you because you have no problem socializing with people you don’t know.”

“You and I are friends, aren’t we? I must be doing something right.”

“Meeting at work four years ago hardly counts as socializing. It was forced proximity.” Heeseung puts his hand over his heart and pretends to cry.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I like being friends with you and you aren’t as awkward as you think you are. I think Sunghoon, or anyone for that matter, would feel that way too. You just need to put yourself out there.”

You slump back in your desk chair. “I know…It’s hard to push myself to get to know someone, though. It’s like there’s an invisible line I can’t seem to cross and it gets worse when I talk to people I find attractive. He’s like, really hot.”

“You talk to me every day and do just fine.” Expertly, he dodges when you throw a pen at him and laughs when you grunt in dissatisfaction. “What are you so scared of?”

“I don’t know. Looking like an idiot, for one. He’s so beautiful and I don’t feel worthy of him.”

“He’s a man, first of all,” Heeseung deadpans, “so he’s already beneath you.”

“Wow, so you do listen to my I-hate-men rants.”

“Yeah, because I care about you and men suck.”

“You and the guys especially when you won’t leave my apartment.” 

“But your apartment is so cozy.” You threaten to throw another pen and smile when he flinches. 

“I’m afraid of making things awkward if he doesn’t want to get to know me like that. We’ve acknowledged that we’re neighbors and all, but what if I ask him to come to Jake’s party, he says no, and thinks I’m a weirdo and a creep for asking him that after one conversation?”

“Then he’s a weirdo for being creeped out. Anyone who gets offended by being invited somewhere is weird. You’re a nice person trying to do a nice thing. There’s nothing wrong with making friends.”

Heeseung is right, like he typically always is, and you ponder on his words. Since the first time you saw Sunghoon, you’ve treated him as some fictitious crush that exists only within your head and muse over the small interactions and indulge yourself when thinking about him. Romance seems far fewer in between and you choose to stick to television shows and books that make your heart flutter instead of going on multiple dates just to find out the two of you aren’t compatible. 

It feels like an endless cycle of hopelessness at times. You’ll watch your friends fall in love and try to empathize with that kind of unfiltered joy that comes with knowing somebody loves you just as much as you love them, but you fall flat when the reality weighs in. You don’t think you’ve ever fallen in love or have felt anything remotely close to falling for someone so deeply that you lose yourself in it. It’s probably a good thing, but the yearning doesn’t seem to end even though you know it’s for the best. 

Pinning all of the qualities you’d want in a boyfriend on the stranger next door seemed like a safe bet because you never thought about the possibility of getting to know him. Sunghoon is someone who is as quiet as a mouse, never making too much noise when he’s in his apartment. He’s a model tenant who always pays his bills on time and never causes a disturbance to the building. Facing the reality that is perceiving him as anything but what your imagination conjured up makes you a little uneasy. You admire from afar but the idea of a hot guy looking in your direction makes you feel somewhat unworthy of their attention. 

“I’ll think about it,” is all you offer. Heeseung seems to be pleased at your answer and doesn’t pry any further. “Are you done with work?”

“Yup. I decided everything else could wait until Monday and sent my assistant home.” 

“Look at us being good managers.”

“We’re everything we said we would ve and then some.” Heeseung grabs your pea coat from the closet and helps you put it on when you round the corner of your desk one sleeve at a time. “Do you remember Song Bitna?”

“How could I ever forget,” you scoff, retrieving your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “She used to make us run laps and get upset that our work wasn’t completed.”

“She made me go on more personal errands than anything work related. It’s a wonder how I managed to get promoted.”

You push the door to your office open and say goodnight to your remaining coworkers. “There’s a reason why we’re here and she isn’t. It’s good to know we aren’t shitty bosses.”

“I hope so. Sometimes I get in my own head and wonder if I’m managing everything correctly. I want my assistant to learn from me, you know?” Heeseung allows you to step into the elevator before walking in after you. 

“Yeah, but you’re good at everything you do. You should have more faith in yourself.” He nudges your shoulder with his own.

“You should take your own advice.” You bite your lip and look down at the floor. “You’ve got a week. Think about it, okay?”

“I will.” 

“I was serious about the promotion as well. I’ll put in a good word but you should consider talking to the division lead.”

Classic Heeseung. He looks out for you in more ways than one. 

***

The weekend flies by too quickly for your liking and you find yourself at your desk on a Wednesday afternoon with a cup of tea sitting between your hands to warm up your palms. The building’s central heater stopped working a few hours into the workday, leaving you and many other office workers disgruntled and cold. You shut all of your windows and paced around your office to keep your blood circulating throughout your body. The morning was fairly productive until the heating went out and you've spent the last hour replying to emails with cold fingers, pushing any and all thoughts of Sunghoon out of your mind. 

You haven’t seen him since last Friday. Sunghoon doesn’t seem to have a routine that he sticks to–one that you can identify, anyway–because you didn’t run into him for the past three days. You waited anxiously by the elevator to see if he would come barreling down the hallway and ask you to hold the door for him, but each day was met with empty silence before stepping into Heeseung’s car. 

True to your word, you spent Saturday trying to convince yourself to ask if he’d be interested in coming with you to Jake’s housewarming party. You’d wane from decision to decision, telling yourself there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking somebody if they want to hang out, but the irrational side of your brain convinced you that it would be weird to open up that kind of dialogue with a stranger. You don’t know anything about him and he doesn’t know the first thing about you. But that’s what getting to know someone consists of, doesn’t it? 

Before you knew it, Sunday came around and it was starting to get dark outside your window. The urge to curl up into your blankets and spend the rest of the evening watching Netflix was too tempting. The more you watched your TV, the more you stared at your front door. It would take a minute, maybe two at the most, to ask Sunghoon if he’d like to come with you to Jake’s. The worst thing he could do is decline your invitation. He seemed nice enough on Friday when he saw you wearing the ugly sweater and you suppose he’d be nice about letting you down gently. But even so, rejection stings. 

Your feet carried you outside of your apartment door to knock on his. You waited with your heartbeat loud in your ears but heard nothing from the other end of the door. When you peeked down at the small gap below you, there weren’t any shadows or anything indicating that Sunghoon was home. Still, you knocked once more for good measure and waited thirty seconds to see if he would open the door. Even though the most logical explanation is that your neighbor wasn’t home, heat crept up your neck and splashed onto your cheeks as you quickly made your way back inside of your apartment. With the twist of the lock behind you, your couch and TV brought some much needed comfort and distraction from feeling embarrassed. 

Heeseung hadn’t asked you about Sunghoon on Monday or Tuesday, but seemed to remember when Jake sent a reminder earlier this morning. He swung by your office as the temperature dipped and you updated him on what transpired over the weekend with a defeated sigh. Ever the optimist, Heeseung told you to try again tonight since you might have a better chance at catching Sunghoon during a weeknight. 

The day goes by slower than you’d like and when Heeseung drops you off at your apartment, you make a dash for your sanctuary and rid yourself of the day’s grime by spending a long time underneath the hot shower. Work is simultaneously ramping up and slowing down as everyone is trying to complete projects before winter recess and you feel all of the tension leave your body once the hot water soothes over your shoulder blades. It’s still relatively early in the evening when your hair is half dry and you’ve just finished eating dinner. The entire time you wash your dirty dishes, your mind can’t help but wander towards Sunghoon and what Heeseung said earlier about trying to ask him again. Surely he’s in his apartment at this hour on a Wednesday evening. 

You decide to bite the bullet. After grabbing the cardigan that rests on the back of your couch, you put it on and decide against changing into your shoes since you’ll be stepping out for just a few minutes. Sunghoon’s door stares back at you as you close your own behind you and this time, you can hear the soft sounds of R&B behind it. 

This makes your heart rate pick up speed because the real possibility that you’ll be face to face with Sunghoon becomes too real for you to handle. You could barely utter complete sentences to him last week. What makes you think you could do it now? The same scenarios of rejection and humiliation ruminate in your mind the longer you stand outside. You contemplate going back inside but the thought of telling Heeseung you chickened out and seeing a potentially disappointed expression on his face makes you knock on Sunghoon’s door. 

Unlike the last time, you hear the sound of slippers shuffling against a hardwood floor. The lights are on from what you can tell underneath the gap of the door and you start to panic when you see a shadowy figure blocking that light. You assume Sunghoon must be looking through the peephole and resist the urge to fix your hair in case it looks horrible. The door opens momentarily.

“Hey. What’s up?” Sunghoon wears a pair of dark green sweatpants and a large graphic t-shirt that makes him look like the stereotypical boy next door. You look up at him and gulp.  

“Sorry to bother you,” you apologize, suddenly feeling a lump growing in the back of your throat. 

“You’re not bothering me,” Sunghoon says it with a smile. He opens the door wider. “Do you want to come inside?” You don’t really want to because you’re afraid you might trip and fall on your way inside, but you take up his offer anyway.

“Sure.” It comes out as a squeak.

His apartment is tidy and well kept with artwork adorning the walls in his living room. It’s more spacious than your own and his furniture makes the room look bigger than it probably is, with couches against the wall and a large TV in front of it. There are photographs hung in silver frames and pictures of people you don’t recognize, along with shelves of knick knacks and other small statues you assume are artwork he’s acquired over time. Sunghoon’s living room gives you the impression that he’s somebody who cares about taking care of himself and his space. He sees that you’re particularly drawn to the photo gallery on his wall and you feel him standing next to you.

“I took most of these pictures.” 

“Are you a photographer?”

“Not professionally, no. Photography is a hobby of mine.” 

“You’re really good.” 

“Thank you.” Sunghoon looks at you before averting his gaze back to the photo wall. “My mom gave me my first camera when I was eleven and I took it with me everywhere I went. Are you a photographer too?” 

You shake your head. “Oh no, I don’t have an artistic eye like you do. But I appreciate good photos when I see them, or so I’d like to think.” Sunghoon smiles at that.

“I’m glad you think my photographs are worthy of praise. This is the first photo I ever took.” He points to an image of a young girl in the center of the photo gallery, whose short arms are reaching for the camera. She wears an infectious smile on her face that reveals a dimple on the side of her cheek. 

“Wow, you were really good even back then. Who is she, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

“That’s my younger sister,” Sunghoon says with a fond smile. “I got this camera on my birthday and she wanted to see it after my dad helped me set it up. I think this might be my favorite photo I’ve ever taken.” 

“It’s a great shot.” You compliment Sunghoon sincerely and turn your head to look at him. He clears his throat. 

“What is it that you came here for?” 

“Oh, right!” Sheepishly balancing on both of your feet, you clasp your hands behind your back and lick your lips. “I, um, well…One of my best friends is hosting a housewarming party at his apartment, and I wanted to know if you’d like to come with me.” 

Sunghoon points at himself. “Me?” You nod. “I didn’t think we were that close.” You try not to let him see how embarrassed you are. 

“Sorry, it’s probably weird that I asked you even though we barely know each other, right?” It seems as though your brain cannot stop you from speaking, a habit you have every time you begin to feel nervous. You start to back away towards his front door. “It’s just that, well, we’ve been neighbors for almost a year and I thought to myself, why not make new friends? My friend told me to invite anybody I wanted to and we have a lot of the same friends, so I knew they’d be there too.” You wince at the sound of your voice. “Anyway, I’m sorry for bothering you and for asking.” 

Sunghoon shakes his head and grabs the doorknob before you can. “You’ve got it all wrong. I’m honored that you invited me, actually. Living by yourself gets kind of lonely at times. It’s nice to go somewhere that isn’t home for a few hours. I’m a bit of an introvert and would like to make more friends.” 

“You don’t seem like an introvert to me,” you blurt out before slapping your palm over your mouth. “I mean, you’re doing just fine with me.”

He smiles at you. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

“My friend’s a great host and loves meeting new people. You’ll make at least one friend by the time you leave. Even if you don’t, there’s gonna be food there, so you’ll have a free meal out of it.” 

“Should I bring anything?” 

You shake your head. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“I feel like I shouldn’t come there empty handed if it’s a housewarming.” 

“I’m making peppermint brownies,” you tell him. “I’ll say it’s from both of us.” 

Sunghoon seems to be satisfied with your answer. “When’s the party?” 

“This Saturday at six. We could, uh, go together? If you want to, that is.” 

“It makes sense to go together. Do you drive? I can drive us if you don’t.” 

“No, I don’t drive.” Your cheeks feel warm at your admission and you don’t know why your inability to operate a car makes you feel a bit bashful. Sunghoon doesn’t seem to mind, though. 

“Okay, I’ll drive us. Where does your friend live?”

“Not too far. He’s about twenty minutes from us.” 

“I’ll knock on your door around 5:30,” Sunghoon says with a single nod. He reaches around you to open his door for you. 

“Sounds good!” Sunghoon smiles and waves before saying goodnight. You watch him as the door closes and rush back into your apartment with your heart hammering in your chest as you sit on your couch and text Heeseung about everything that just transpired. When he asks if you asked for Sunghoon’s number, you slouch. You didn’t think about that and now you’re too embarrassed to back and ask for it. 

Three days pass by quicker than you anticipated and your plate of peppermint brownies sits covered in tin foil on your kitchen counter as you wait for Sunghoon to knock on your door. You spent the entirety of the day worrying about the sweet treat and giving yourself enough time to get ready. Perhaps it’s a bit worrisome that you spent a good chunk of time standing in front of your closet to pick an outfit for tonight, but you want to make a good first impression on Sunghoon without the ugly sweater or pajamas you wore when you invited him to Jake’s party. 

You settle with flattering jeans and a nice top with an oversized leather jacket and find yourself wondering what kind of lipstick you should put on. It feels silly to worry about these things for a person who likely wouldn’t notice that type of effort, so you settle with something that compliments your skin tone but isn’t too over the top for a casual hang out. It’s just before 5:30 when you hear your doorbell ring and your heart rate perks up at the thought of Sunghoon waiting for you. 

“Hey,” you say to Sunghoon pathetically.. Sunghoon’s wearing a light grey quarter zip sweater with a few buttons hanging loose and black trousers. You avoid gawking at him from the threshold of your doorway, but it’s hard not to. 

“Long time no see,” he jokes. “Are you ready to head to the party?” His questions bring your eyes back to his face and you smile at him awkwardly. 

“Can you hold this for a second?” You hand Sunghoon the bag with Jake’s ugly sweater. “Let me get the brownies.” You barely register that Sunghoon’s holding a bag of his own until you walk back with the dessert, successfully locking your door without dropping your keys. “What's in the bag?” 

Sunghoon looks at you sheepishly. “I went out and bought some wine because I’d feel bad taking credit for your brownies when I didn’t help make them. There’s some soju in there too because I started to overthink and wondered if any of your friends drank wine.” 

You beam at Sunghoon. How thoughtful of him. “Wine and soju are perfect. The guys will probably drink that up before you get the chance to introduce yourself and I’ll happily drink the wine. My friend Jay might, too.” 

“I’m excited to meet your friends,” Sunghoon says as the two of you walk side by side towards the elevator. He presses the button and lets you walk inside the contraption first. “It’s been a while since I got the chance to meet new people.”

“If they make you uncomfortable or anything, let me know and we can leave.” 

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. If you like them, then so do I.”

“That doesn’t seem very introverted of you.” He smiles at you and shrugs.

“I’m trying to get out of my shell.” Sunghoon lets you step out of the elevator and guides you to his car. “I keep to myself most of the time but I have my moments. It’s easy to get lost in a city as busy as Seoul but sometimes it gets a bit lonely.” 

He unlocks the door and puts the sweater in the backseat, along with the brownie tray on the floor for extra stability. You watch him open the passenger door for you and smile as you climb inside. Even the interior of his car is orderly and pristine. Sunghoon has you typing in Jake’s address before the two of you hit the road. 

Sunghoon drives like an expert, weaving between lanes without causing collisions or disturbance to the traffic. He uses his turn signals, which you appreciate, and doesn’t get too angry when people cut him off unnecessarily. He looks a bit too good from where you’re sitting with his jawline looking sharper than the edge of a knife with the glow from headlights shining across his face. It’s a bit unfair how beautiful Sunghoon looks from where you are and you’re having a hard time believing someone as handsome as him is talking to someone as awkward as you. 

“Are you from Seoul?” you ask him in the midst of the silence. His music hums in the background and pairs well with the smooth sound of his car’s engine. 

“No, I’m not.” Sunghoon spares you a glance. “I’m from a small suburb just outside of Busan.”

“Do you miss it?” His smile falters and you almost regret asking.

“Sometimes, but I think I’ve found my footing here. I love the city life and I like that everything is so different and loud. There are a million ways to live your life and nobody expects you to follow a certain path.” 

“Yeah, I agree with that. I’m from a small fishing town a few hours away from here where everyone comes from a long line of farmers and fisherman. It’s hard to carry that burden and expectation when fishing is the last thing you want to do with your life.” 

“People have a crazy way of making you feel indebted, don’t you think?”

You nod. “Agreed. Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying my time in Seoul. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, theoretically. Everyone back home used to tell me about the amount of bills I’d have to pay and how dangerous big cities are, but I’ve found a home here that I never felt back in my neighborhood. It’s like nobody knows who I am and I find comfort in that.” 

“I feel the same way. I can be whoever I want to be without people telling me it’s wrong. I don’t have to live my life by another person’s expectation and there are so many different things I could be doing with myself. How long have you been in Seoul? Have you visited your hometown at all?” 

“I’ve been here for eight years, if we count my university days, but I’ve been living here full time for four years. I went back home for a few months after graduating before getting the job I have now.” You play with your fingers as you speak, the feeling of guilt bubbling to the surface. “As for going home, well, I’ve been back but it’s hard to find the time with my job.”

“I understand that. I haven’t been home in a while either. I don’t really want to go back either.” You want to ask him why but don’t. 

“Does your younger sister still live there?” 

“She’s still back home and lives with our parents while he’s finishing up university in Busan, actually.” 

“Oh, that’s cool! It’s nice of your parents to let her stay at home while she studies.” Sunghoon smiles in a way you can’t decipher. 

“Yeah, really nice.” 

Sunghoon parks right in front of Jake’s apartment just when you’re starting to regret bringing up his family. You risk looking over at him and an apology sits on your tongue because it seems like a sore subject for him based on the short response, but Sunghoon exits the car and grabs the alcohol and the bag that contains the ugly sweater. You carry the brownies and feel a bit self conscious when you feel him walking behind you. Your shoes feel heavy around your feet and despite having been over to Jake’s apartment more times than you can count on both hands, you second guess every step you take on the way to his front door. 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Sunghoon tells you after a beat of silence as you approach Jake's front door. You want to say something, but the door opening interferes with your thoughts. 

“Hey, you made it!” Jake ushers the two of you inside and by force of habit, you take off your shoes and out on the designated slippers you purposely left here when he first moved in. “Did you bring the sweater?” 

“The fact that you want to keep that ugly thing concerns me.” Heeseung gives you a hug and grabs the brownies from your hands as you struggle to take your coat off. “I’ll put this in the kitchen.” 

“Sunghoon has the sweater.” When you’re settled, you grab the paper bag and hand it to Jake. The warmth of his apartment feels comforting until you remember that your neighbor is a complete stranger in a new environment. You turn around to see him balancing awkwardly with a bag of alcohol behind his back. “Everyone, this is Sunghoon. Sunghoon, this is…everyone.” 

“Hey,” he says awkwardly, bringing his hand up to wave at your friends who’ve all gathered around to see the newcomer. Heeseung comes back after he’s put the dessert in the kitchen. The bottles in Sunghoon’s hands ring against one another, which makes Jake’s ears perk up. 

“Did you bring something?” 

“Wine and soju. She told me not to bring anything but I didn’t want to show up empty handed.” 

“I told him we could bring brownies together.” Jake makes a face at you and grabs the bag of alcohol from Sunghoon’s hands, pulling him further into the apartment. 

“Thank you, Sunghoon.” He turns back to you. “The thought that you could’ve deprived us of alcohol is insane, actually.” 

You purse your lips and fold your arms in front of your chest. “He could’ve brought everyone ear muffs, for all you know. What are you gonna do with them if your big ass ears can barely handle your headphones?” 

“Ignore them,” Heeseung says to Sunghoon as he approaches the two of you. “They fight like siblings. I’m Heeseung.” 

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m starting to think you guys are either really close or secretly hate each other.” 

“I hate Jake and love everybody else.” Jake bumps your hip and smiles at you, and you find that you can’t keep up that faux attitude for very long. He pulls you into a hug before properly introducing himself to Sunghoon and walks to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and store the rest in his refrigerator. 

“Do you want a drink or some food? We have a little pot luck going on.”

“I could use a drink.”

Heeseung beckons Sunghoon towards the kitchen while Jay steps beside you, and your neighbor turns back to look at you before disappearing around the corner. “See? It’s not so scary once you take the first step.” 

“Your face was chiseled by God. You of all people don’t have to worry about rejection.”

Jay laughs at that. “Still, though. You’ve been talking about Sunghoon for so long that I was getting worried he might’ve been a figment of your imagination.” 

“I might be delusional, but I’m not crazy.”

“We all have our ways to cope.” You bump your shoulder with his. “You should know we’re all rooting for you and Sunghoon.” 

“Oh my God, it’s not like I pictured myself marrying him!” You whisper-yell loud enough for him to hear through gritted teeth and smack his bicep. “I just think he’s cute. The thought of being rejected by him scares the shit out of me.”

“He’s just a guy?” 

“A beautiful, charming guy.”

“Again, just a guy.” 

It’s his turn to make you laugh. “You always keep me grounded, Jongseong.” 

“Who else will? But anyway, you should also know that Jake decided to host this housewarming party because Heeseung told us you ran into him on your way to work.” 

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or weirded out by that.” 

“It’s Jake we’re talking about. He has his ways of showing it, but he’s a sentimental guy.” 

“I guess I should thank him if tonight goes well.”

“Don’t stress about anything too much.” Jay starts to walk towards the kitchen and beckons for you to follow him. “Let’s get you a drink.”

You spot Sunghoon first, who leans against Jake’s counter while he looks at all of the food your friends brought (Chick-Fil-A catering, because he’s been craving it and Heeseung offered to pay for half of it). There’s an impressive selection of alcohol beside the large platter of breaded chicken, and macaroni and cheese that smells like it’s just been pulled out of the oven. Sunghoon seems entertained enough with Jake fixing him a plate and opening a bottle of beer for him. You stand beside Jay and feel a bit silly worrying over whether or not your guest feels comfortable with your group of friends, but he seems to be doing okay because he isn’t searching for you. 

“How do you guys know each other?” 

“This one spilled coffee on me when we first met.” Heeseung laughs at the memory and the tips of his ears turn a deep shade of red. He’s talkative when he has enough alcohol in his system and the nostalgia makes you curl into yourself as Jay hands you a bottle of beer. Everyone looks at you when Heeseung points in your direction. 

“She’s really fucking clumsy.”

“Thanks for the commentary, Jake,” you say sarcastically. 

“We work together at a marketing agency and started around the same time,” Heeseung explains further. “She just moved to the city and we clicked on our first day.” 

“I met the other two through Heeseung, actually.” Sunghoon looks between Jay and Jake when you gesture, who each seem like they’ve also started drinking before you arrived. 

“We’re friends from college and we all decided to stay around the area after graduating.” Jay pours himself a glass of wine and you can see Sunghoon beginning to perk up when he notices. You find that kind of cute. 

“Heeseung’s the reason we’re all friends.” Jake pats his friend on the back. “It’s funny though because we actually all met her at his housewarming all those years ago too.” 

“Huh,” says Sunghoon. “What a coincidence. Sounds like you guys have a thing for housewarming parties.” 

“I’ll take up any excuse to host. It’s how we get her to come out of her shell.” Your cheeks warm up but you aren’t sure if it’s because of the alcohol or because everyone’s looking at you again. 

“She’s a bit of an introvert, but she’s really fun when you get to know her. Sorta like a diamond in the rough type of thing.” 

“Okay, wow! We don’t have to talk about me.” 

Jake points at a grocery store receipt on his refrigerator and grins. “This is the first time she bought groceries for me when I moved in a few months ago. She’s a bit sentimental and put this on when she came over for the first time. It’s nice, though.” 

“Oh my god,” you mutter. Sunghoon smiles at you and those fairytale-like butterflies in the pit of your stomach feel like they’re flying in a metal cage. 

“I like that you’re sentimental. You’re a little like me. I decided to come to this party because somebody else gave me the choice to be social.” 

“Yeah.” You’re a bit breathless and you’re sure Jay’s grinning beside you. “I get a bit intimidated when I do something different or meet new people.”

“Who doesn’t?” You suppose he’s right. 

“She’s incredible with gifts, too. Last year, she got me a signed guitar by my favorite musician because they worked on a campaign together.” Jay takes out his phone to show Sunghoon a photo of the autographed instrument. 

“So thoughtful,” Sunghoon says absentmindedly. It throws your heart in a loop.

“There is so much more to talk about beyond me,” you say, embarrassed that your friends are doting on you in front of Sunghoon. The attention is a bit too much and you grab another beer on your way out of the kitchen, choosing not to look back at the four boys who all laugh at your exit. 

The entire night goes smoother than you could’ve ever hoped for. Your friends leave the weird, overbearing protectiveness in the kitchen when you walk out of it and talk to Sunghoon like he’s their friend too. It still makes you a bit shy when they actively support you in this crush because you aren’t used to this level of care and trust in people. Affection makes you a bit uncomfortable and you wish it didn’t.

Sunghoon seems like he’s enjoying himself as well. You can tell he’s a little buzzed but stopped drinking halfway through the night to sober up by the time he has to drive. Even in your inebriated state, you appreciate his sense of responsibility. He’s rolled the sleeves of his quarter zip up and you try your best not to drool over his toned arms every time he moves his hands when he talks. Sunghoon looks so effortlessly cool when with your friends and it’s almost as if he’s known the three of them for as long as you’ve known them to the point where you’re questioning if he’s truly an introvert or not. 

It’s this level of comfort that keeps you in Seoul. Surrounding yourself with people who support you unconditionally feels like a reward after spending your childhood wishing for the friends you have now. It feels like everybody has a place in your life because you’ve done the work to keep people who love you for who you are rather than somebody they assume you to be. It’s nice to let go of the high walls you’ve built around yourself for protection. 

Eventually, half of the alcohol is gone and so has all of the food. Jake’s had a bit of influence over your drunken state because as he puts it, he’s the host and needs to make sure everybody is having a good time. You’re not one to blame him though, since you’ve been accepting every shot and drink he’s put in your hand. Jay’s the one who prevents Jake from giving you anything more when he sees the way you’re swaying in your spot on the floor where all of you have formed a circle. 

Jake returns from the kitchen after throwing away empty bottles. “Damn, so all of us are staying here for the holidays?”

“I haven’t decided if I’m staying or not, if that counts for anything. My parents are going to be in London but there’s a month and a half until Christmas, so I have some time to decide.” 

“Sunghoon, you’ve got to be crazy rich if you can afford to fly to Europe at the last minute.” You’re about to scold your friend but Sunghoon just laughs. 

“I suppose I’m a bit privileged like that. I’ve spent every holiday season back home and wanted to try something different this year.”

“What does Christmas in your hometown look like?” 

“Really cold. Almost as cold as Seoul when the snow begins to fall. We take Christmas seriously since we’re primarily known as a holiday destination for people who like that kind of stuff. A lot of our publicity revolves around the holidays, so my city is a little bit like a winter wonderland. At least, that’s what they want you to believe.” 

“Sounds like the perfect place for you,” Heeseung says as he nods over at you. 

“Why’s that?” 

“She loves Christmas. She can’t get enough of it and does everything holiday-related as soon as summer ends.” 

“Do you like Christmas that much?” Sunghoon asks you with apprehension in his tone.

“You don’t?” 

Sunghoon shrugs at your small outburst. “Our whole thing is about Christmas and holiday festivities. It gets a little old when you’re surrounded by it all the time” 

“Sounds like a dream.” He smiles at you. 

“I’m sure you’d like it there. My parents love the holidays and go all out every year. It’s a bit corny but they’re wholesome people and I know they love their country as much as anyone else.”

“She always knows what’s going on around town if it has anything to do with the holidays,” Jake tells him. 

“Oh, really?”

“Did you know there’s gonna be a Christmas market right next to Yonsei? They’re gonna be selling a bunch of baked goods and decorative stuff. I heard their food trucks are really good.” 

Jay chimes in. “We should go next weekend.” Jake elbows his ribcage. “Actually, you two should go together.” 

“Us?” Sunghoon points between him and yourself. 

“Yeah, why not?” Jake shrugs like it’s the most obvious answer. “She’s a huge fan of the holidays and you’ve never experienced it here. Why not see what Christmas in Seoul looks like?” 

“I’m not big on those kinds of things.” Your heart plummets and you don’t really know why. You put a smile on your face anyway. 

“You don’t have to do anything, Sunghoon. I don’t mind doing these things alone and you don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.” 

There is an indescribable look on Sunghoon’s face when you finish speaking and the living room is completely silent. He peeks at you through his long eyelashes and it feels as if he’s inspecting you from where he sits. Neither of your friends say anything either and you’re one second from awkwardly laughing when you realize nobody’s saying anything until Sunghoon speaks up again. 

“I’ll go with you.” 

“You really don’t have to.” 

He cocks his head to the side. “It sounds like you’re really excited about it. I might be tired of Christmas but maybe you can change my mind.” 

His words fly right over your head and Heeseung can see it in the way you beam at the mention of Sunghoon’s proposal. Even he hears the absurdity of it all when he looks at Sunghoon, who doesn’t spare anybody else a glance. You try to contain your excitement and keep smiling to a minimum, but you feel your cheeks harden anyway and Sunghoon smiles right back at you. 

“We could go tomorrow!” 

“You’ve had quite a bit to drink,” Heeseung reminds you. “Maybe next weekend?” 

“You, of all people, should know that I don’t get hangovers. I'm too excited just thinking about it.”

“We can go tomorrow if you’re not too tired. I can check in with you when I wake up. How does 10 AM sound?” 

You sigh, content. “Perfect.” 

When the conversation starts to die down naturally, everybody seems to be under the impression that it’s time to go. You say goodbye to your friends and thank Jake for hosting the party, choosing not to tell him what Jay had revealed to you earlier. Sunghoon seems like he had a great time because as you’re putting your shoes on, you see him exchanging numbers with everybody else. Sunghoon carries the empty tray that was once filled with dessert and tells Jake to keep the rest of the alcohol, no doubt solidifying him as someone he’d want to keep around. The drive back to your apartment feels too long for your liking and your body feels heavy when the two of you arrive at your respective doors. 

“Thanks for driving. I promise I don’t usually get this drunk.” You hiccup. “Well, okay, that’s a lie. I only get this drunk when I’m with this specific group of friends.” 

“It’s fine. It’s nice to let go every once in a while.” 

You look up at him. “Did you have fun?” 

“I did,” he says with a single, firm nod. “Your friends are really funny. I was kind of worried about it on the way here because I tend to be really quiet when I meet new people for the first time, but it felt like we knew each other already.” 

“They knew about you.”

“Did they?” 

“Mhm.” You hiccup again. “I told them about my new neighbor a while ago and thought you looked cool, but I’m a little awkward, you know? I don’t really know how to talk to people without someone else acting as a buffer.” 

“Could've fooled me. You did just fine.” 

“That’s because you saw me in Jake’s ugly fucking sweater.” You make a face at the memory, cheeks heating up at the look on Sunghoon’s face when his eyes roamed from the fabric to your face. “You called me ugly.” 

Sunghoon laughs. “I called the sweater ugly. Not you.” 

“You don’t think I’m ugly?” Your question catches Sunghoon off guard, but you’re already fishing for your apartment keys when he looks at you. 

“No, I don’t.” You don’t seem to be paying attention to him as you successfully jam your keys into the lock on the second try. He sees a peek inside when you open the door and watches you stumble inside before latching onto the doorknob to balance yourself. 

“Thanks for coming with me, Sunghoon. I’m really glad you had fun. I think my friends like you a lot.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. They’re a little protective over me and like to make sure any guy I hang out with is cool. You know how it is.” Sunghoon holds the door open for you while you take your shoes off and throw your purse somewhere on your couch before turning around to look at him. 

“I mean it, though. Thanks for coming and dealing with me and my friends. We’re a little bit of a handful.” 

He smiles and shakes his head. “Not in the way you think. It’s nice that you have people in your life that you can be yourself around and it seems like they love you just as much as you love them.” 

“I really love my friends. But don’t tell them I said that.” Sunghoon pretends to zip his mouth shut. 

“Your secret's safe with me.” You look at him with an unreadable expression, but it gets replaced with a tired smile. 

“Sleep well, okay? My friends are your friends.” 

“You’re so generous,” he says with a laugh. You take a step forward but retract when the sober part of your brain reminds you that the two of you aren’t likely close enough to give each other a hug goodbye. 

“...Do you still want to come to the Christmas market with me tomorrow?” 

“I’ll give you one chance to convince me that the holidays are fun, but only if you wake up without a hangover.” He laughs when you give him a mock salute.

“I don’t get hangovers, remember?” You tap the side of your head with your pointer finger. Sunghoon smiles down at you before pulling his phone from the back of his pocket. 

“I should probably get your number too.” 

“Oh.” He hands it to you and your fingers suddenly feel numb. You manage to type your number and try to think of something cute and quirky to put as your contact, ultimately settling with your name followed by the ‘:)’ symbol. It’s casual but you think it makes you stand out from generic contact names, as Sunghoon seems like the kind of guy who keeps everything straight to business. 

“I’ll text you so you have my number too.” You pull out your phone when you see him typing. 

Unknown: It’s Sunghoon! :) 

You feel like a creep trying to bite back a smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Don’t push yourself if you wake up too tired but promise me you’ll try to get some sleep tonight.” 

“I promise. Goodnight, Sunghoon.”

***

You aren’t sure whether you’re pleased or not when you wake up at eight o’clock on the dot with no chance of falling back asleep in sight. You turn to see that your phone is fully charged and force yourself to  leave your warm, comfortable bed to prepare yourself for the day. You don’t respond to the text Sunghoon sent last night and don’t know if he’s going to keep up his end of the bargain and go with you to the Christmas market, but you decide to get ready in the event that he was serious about it. 

Your friends text you too, both in the group chat and separately. Heeseung, as always, is telling you not to overthink anything and enjoy spending time with your neighbor crush. He tries to be as encouraging as he can but can’t help slipping in a few jokes here and there about how fast you’re growing up (even though you’re only a few months younger than he is). Jay sends you words of encouragement too, but he keeps it straight to the point and tells you to buy him something that you think he’d like if you stumble across anything. Jake, on the other hand, makes far too many inappropriate jokes that you have no choice but to laugh. You feel something akin to a high school crush getting ready for a first date even though this isn’t technically a date. 

You’ve managed to pull yourself together and see that the time is half past nine when you check the clock. Sunghoon hasn’t texted you at all today so you take the liberty to let him know you’re awake and hope you don’t come off as pushy or overly eager. But he responds in kind and tells you he’s getting ready and will be knocking on your door soon. 

True to his word, Sunghoon stands at your doorstep when it’s 10 AM.

“You look so cozy,” he says. 

Never mind that you’re swearing something you deemed cute and casual that pairs well with the low temperature outside along with the snowfall from last night. Sunghoon steps out looking like a model himself with his tailored trousers, a graphic shirt, and a denim jean jacket. He looks like the epitome of every girl’s fantasy of the boy next door once again.

“You look really good.” You say it before you can catch yourself and he laughs. 

“You think so?” Your eyes snap up at him as you frantically close your door behind you and lock it.  

“Will you be warm enough in that?” 

“I’ll be fine, but I appreciate your concern.” You frown when he starts to lead you towards the elevator. 

“If you say so.” You see a small silver camera peeking out of his pockets. “What’s that?” 

He pulls it out for you to see. “It’s a Z155 film camera. I got it before moving to Seoul and wanted to learn how to photograph with this type of camera. Cool, right?” 

Your worries dissipate the more you walk through your neighborhood and onto the outdoor market you’ve had bookmarked for weeks. Perhaps it’s the warm coffee amidst the chilly winter that excited you, or the handmade decorations that seem far too inexpensive for what they’re worth, but your face lights up when you walk through the aisles. There are too many vendors for you to look at and the overwhelming feeling perks up in your chest when you see different people trying to attract customers. But you’d argue that’s one of your favorite parts; hearing people talk about why they love the holidays so much brings you a sense of joy and fulfillment you don’t feel elsewhere. Sunghoon is a good sport about it too despite being a bit apprehensive at first. He graciously paid for your coffee and breakfast consisting of a warm butter croissant. It melts on your tongue and you regret not buying a second one.

People always ask you why you love the holidays so much and you tell them it’s because there’s no greater joy than being surrounded by your loved ones into the new year. You’ve always been a fan of winter despite the sun setting earlier than it does in the summer. Doing winter-related things in the appropriate season makes you happy, especially if you manage to drag one of your friends along for the ride. You draw the line at caroling, though. That’s taking it a bit too far. 

But the real reason is that Christmastime and the beginning of snowfall always marks a vicious cycle of wishing you could be anywhere but the present. Your childhood was riddled with uncertainties and walking on eggshells around your family and friends, and your household often felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You were too afraid of making a mistake and chose to retreat within yourself, operating under the assumption that pleasing everybody else was how to protect yourself and your feelings. 

Prior to moving to Seoul, the start of the cold season was a reminder that your life wasn’t as picture perfect as you liked to imagine it was. No amount of television shows or fictitious scenarios running through your head before falling asleep would ever negate the neglect and absent feeling of joy in your heart as autumn turned into winter. You used to bide your time by hoping the months would roll past you until the springtime arrived. It always felt humiliating to hear your friends tell you about their vacations and all of the presents they received that year when the most your family could do was keep the lights on. That emptiness in the depths of your heart felt like it was void of feeling anything at all, and the holidays served as a reminder that things wouldn’t get better. 

It’s no surprise when Sunghoon turns to you as you both walk through the aisles of jewelry and artwork vendors when he asks you why you love Christmas so much. Somehow, you can’t bring yourself to give the rehearsed spiel you reserve for people who don’t know you very well, and instead give him a half-truth.  

“This time of year is hard for some people and I used to feel like the world would stop spinning if I didn’t try to be at least a little happy when I moved to Seoul a few years ago. I was all alone for the first time in my entire life and barely knew anybody, and had to come up with my own way of cheering myself up since I spent it alone. I did a bunch of things by myself, like going to holiday markets or ice skating. I didn’t mind the solitude that much.” 

“Were you friends with Heeseung and the guys at that time?” 

“Barely. Heeseung and I were only coworkers back then but we sat across from each other every day to be friendly. But I didn’t know him as well as I do now and had a few roommates who went back home for a couple of weeks. It was pretty lonely and I hated feeling like I was stuck when I was the one who wanted to move to the big city.” 

“I think I understand. Christmas is a reminder of overcoming hardship for your first time living by yourself.” 

You nod, a bit relieved that he understands you a little bit. “Kind of, yeah. I didn’t grow up in the happiest household and wanted to do something good for myself since I left my hometown. It feels like a shame if I don’t at least try.” 

“I think that’s the most profound thing anybody has ever said to me.” 

“I sound like one of those generic books with corny quotes.” 

“Can’t be corny if it’s true.” 

You smile at him. “I’ve become a lot better about being positive and optimistic since getting to know the guys, too. Hanging out with them during my second year in Seoul made me realize I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was, and even when they all went home to visit their families, I didn’t feel like the world was collapsing around me when I was alone for a few days. It felt nice to trust people and realize that people cared about me the way I wanted them to.”

“They sound like really great friends.”

“They are. I don’t know what I’d do without them, if I’m being totally honest. I think my mom was worried about me for the first year of me living here because I barely talked about meeting anybody. She used to complain that I always talked about work and that I stayed in too much on the weekends. I used to think she was just berating me but I get it now.”

“Sounds like she wanted you to get out and have fun.” 

“Yeah. I guess my mom was trying to tell me to get a life without directly telling me. She loves it when I send her pictures of myself outside of my apartment and I fill her in on things I’ve been up to that don't have to do with my career. She’s proud of me in that sense but always reminds me that there’s more to life than my job.”

“You have a great mom, from what I can tell. She has your best interest at heart and I think it’s sweet of her to care about you so much. What about your dad? Do you talk to him at all?” 

You look to the ground. “No. He passed away four years ago.” 

“Oh.” Sunghoon nods silently and tucks his hands behind his back. “I’m sorry.” 

“There’s no need to be. It happened a long time ago.” 

Sunghoon nods from your peripheral vision. “Do you see your mom often? Does she visit you in Seoul?” 

You shake your head. “She works at a fish dock and can’t take a lot of time off.” 

“I see. Do you visit her, then?” 

You’re acutely aware of Sunghoon walking beside you but his footsteps fall deaf to your ears when you think about your mother and picture her throwing nets of fish into baskets to sell to merchants in the same afternoon. She wakes up hours before the sun rises to greet fishermen by the docks as soon as daylight breaks and leaves when the space is clean and the fish is sold. You picture her in rubber overalls and boots, her hair tied back in a tight ponytail with a mask covering the lower half of her face to avoid the scent of the fish even though she tells you she’s used to it by now. 

It was hard to deal with her waning hours in your childhood and you often yearned for her presence when you awoke to see no trace of her in your household. You had a knack for differentiating the difference in gait between her and your father, and hearing the heavier steps of his footsteps always made you disappointed. Feeling his presence outside of your bedroom door felt like it was a prison sentence.

In a town that seldom encourages any lifestyle aside from fishing and farming, you always find a bit of solace in creative writing clubs and the school musicals as a way to excuse yourself from the small town life. You’d picture yourself underneath a single spotlight, standing center stage where everybody in the audience regarded you as someone who’d make it far beyond the borders of the isolated town. You imagine them roaring in applause when you took your final bow with your mother sitting in the front row with a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

But life and finances were immediate priorities to keep the roof over your heads and the table full of food. The electricity bill was renewed solely by your mother’s efforts to keep the three of you afloat whereas your father could barely keep a job for longer than a few months before the inevitable discussion of his unemployment. You recall hearing hushed conversations that always escalated to loud arguments just outside of your bedroom door and shoved headphones into your ears to drown out the sound of an unhappy marriage. 

His absence was deafening and there were moments where you preferred a chaotic household over a quiet one. In the mere weeks that followed his death, life seemed to move on for your mother but not for you. She still woke up before dawn and never complained about the cold weather during the winter months or the heavy rainfalls in the summer. Whereas she endured life as if he hadn’t passed, you carried the weight of emotional neglect and dissonance of your relationship with him. 

The funeral was a month later and his cremated remains were spread along the larger lake nearby because he always said he would never choose to move away from water. The boat ride to the deepest part of the lake was uncomfortable and frustrating as your mother and two of his closest friends lamented over his passing, barely touching on the hardship he put your family through in his years being alive. It seemed like everyone was able to forgive him and move on as if every single person in his family went unscathed. Listening to them recite their happiest memories with him felt like a knife twisting in your heart until it stopped beating. 

Moving away was bittersweet, too. The neighborhood you grew up in never felt like a home to you but it would always be nostalgic. It was a plot of land with four walls and a roof, and yet the memories you’ve made haunt every corner of your street like a ghost that refuses to cross into the light. The grey walls look more dreary and dull than it had before and the large tree that grew on the lawn was cut down after years of neglect. Your old house looked brand new and unrecognizable. Everything had changed too quickly for your liking. Even when you packed your last box in the moving van, the emptiness of your bedroom felt like you were saying goodbye to a part of your life you’d never yearn for again. You’ve never looked back since. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up.” Sunghoon brings you out of your temporary stupor. 

“It’s alright. I didn’t mean to get lost in my thoughts.” 

He gently knocks his shoulder into yours. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t think talking about even more depressing things is gonna put you in the holiday spirit.” 

“Keeping them to yourself just to make other people comfortable won’t put you in the holiday spirit either.” You know he’s right and begin to gnaw at your inner cheek. 

“I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“The nice thing about having friends is that you can say whatever you want and they won't judge you.” Sunghoon smiles at you like he means it. His eyes twinkle underneath the sun and, even if for a moment, you feel like he’s right. 

“My mom and I are close, even if we don’t talk every single day. She works at a fishing dock and that takes up most of her time, and I work at one of the busiest marketing agencies in Korea, which eats up my week. We find the time to talk to each other and I tell her almost everything. I don’t think there’s a secret of mine she doesn’t know. 

“But even so, I love her too much to ever tell her how I’m barely handling everything. It's like I’ve been running into a brick wall every time I try to walk away from grieving. It’s always been the two of us even when he was alive. She raised me the best she could because he was always physically there, but never emotionally present for either of us. His passing left so many questions unanswered and unresolved feelings but it seems like she’s moved on from it.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“It was a long time ago. My dad and I were never that close. There were a few good memories that I think about from time to time, but sometimes they’re ruined by all of the bad things I think about when I think about him. It’s an endless cycle of self sabotaging and I can’t stop myself from doing it. My mom wants me to visit her for a weekend during the holidays and she keeps asking me when I want to come home, but I keep pushing it off because I can’t bring myself to go back to a place that made me unhappy.” 

Sunghoon remains quiet beside you. When you take a peek at him, he looks as if he’s deep in thought as he looks ahead at the environment and watches the children play on the nearby playground. His eyebrows are furrowed only slightly and his mouth forms a downward pout, and you’re left wondering what he's thinking about. 

Finally, he speaks. “Do you feel guilty for putting it off?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“It’s almost like you know it's the right thing to do but you can’t bring yourself to do it. People teach you that family is everything, but when they force you to act and feel a certain way, it’s like you’re suffocating.”

“It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth. I keep telling her I’d think about it but I always feel guilty because it’s just an excuse to put off making a decision. I’d feel guilty if I don’t go, but I can’t bring myself to make that trip, even if she’s just a few hours away.” 

“My parents are a bit similar. They’ve given me more than I could ever ask for, and yet I still feel selfish for wanting to explore myself without them right behind me.” 

“I feel like an awful daughter every time I don’t agree to go home. I know she can tell I feel hesitant about it. I don't want to make her worry and I wish this feeling would go away. I can’t face my fears yet.” 

“Pardon if this is a difficult question for you, but…Is your father the main reason why you don’t want to go back?” 

“Yes.” You answer him meekly, as if telling the truth above a whisper will send you straight to purgatory. “I can’t walk in my neighborhood without hearing the sound of his voice when he yelled at me. Being in my house makes me think of all the times he’d threaten to throw me onto the streets for something as stupid as forgetting to wash the dishes. That place is a carousel of bad memories that I never want to think about ever again.”

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s normal for me now but it doesn’t make me feel any better if I try to frame it as ordinary. It doesn’t hurt me on most days. I push him out of my mind and focus on the present but the holidays are when I start to think about him and my childhood the most. I’ve never had a peaceful winter. There was always something going on and either Christmas or New Year’s was always ruined.”

“Is that why you love the holidays so much? To override your bad memories and create new ones?” 

“Yes. I never want to feel the way that I did before he passed away and having my friends here with me makes me forget about how sad I get when October rolls around. The weather gets colder but I try to do everything I can to think about how much I have to look forward to now that I’ve got so much time to do whatever I want. I learned that I can’t rely on somebody else to make me feel like I have something to live for.” 

“That’s admirable of you and I hope you know that.” 

“I don’t know if I’d put it that way.”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “It is, though. It sounds like you had a rough childhood and your mom was spread thin with her job that it left you with someone who couldn’t take care of you. I can hear it in the way you talk. You’ve got this determination inside of you whether you realize it or not.”

“Sometimes I feel like it’s all for nothing. I wake up and live my life but it doesn't feel like I’m getting better.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you to understand the grieving process and work through that. You’ll never know if you don’t stick around to find out, will you?” 

“No, I suppose not.” 

“My parents put a lot of pressure on me to perform well in everything. Bad grades weren’t acceptable and I juggled a few different sports to fill my free time. It always felt like they set me on a path that I needed to follow instead of allowing me to figure out myself on my own. I know they meant well and I know they loved me, but sometimes I wonder if they’d love me knowing that I want something different than their future for me. 

“How do you handle it?” 

“I don’t.” Sunghoon shrugs nonchalantly and the hard snow underneath his foot crunches loudly as you near the end of the aisleway. “I keep putting it off like you do. I’m here in Seoul because they agreed to let me explore the city for a while until it’s time for me to return and discuss the future they want for me.” 

“What do they expect you to do?”

Sunghoon purses his lips. “They want me to take over the family business. My father is adamant that I come home and take it seriously because he’s planning on retiring soon and trusts me to be the person who handles everything. They run a local grocery market chain and love that lifestyle but it’s not for me. I want to be here in Seoul and figure out what my life is supposed to look like without them holding onto the dream that I’ll run the company. They’ve made good money off of it and found success as they’re starting to expand, but I don't want to have any part in it.

“I majored in business and operations when I was in university but hated every second of it. I always felt like I was grinding myself to the bones but I did it to make them happy. I never felt like I got the chance to do anything I wanted to do until they agreed to let me move here.” 

“You don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d run a grocery store chain.”

Sunghoon beams at that. “I don’t think so either. I like to think of myself as pretty creative but I don’t know what to do with that. I didn’t take any photography classes in college and I feel like my time is running up.” 

“The beauty of time is that there’s so much of it. You can do anything you want, whenever you want.” 

“Thanks. I’ve been taking a few photography classes here and there.” He pulls out the camera from his pocket and lets you look at it. “Lately, this is how I’ve been getting my creative fix. It feels good to do anything other than learning about how grocery stores operate. I couldn’t care less about that and I feel like myself when I’m behind the camera.” 

“I like that you’re so passionate about photography, Sunghoon. I can hear how much you love it by how you’re talking about it. It’s nice to hear people talk about their hobbies.” 

“He tries to hide a smile but fails, and instead turns the camera on and holds it above his eye. “Can I take a picture of you?” 

“Me?” 

He pulls it away and grins. “Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?” You stand beside a large collection of snowglobes and pick one up as Sunghoon points the camera at you again. 

“You could’ve been talking to this snowglobe for all I know.” 

“Too bad. I want to take a photo of you. Smile for me.” 

Reluctantly, you do and see the flash go off before putting the snowglobe down and apologizing to the vendor, who doesn’t seem to be displeased with what transpired in front of her. Sunghoon thanks her too with a short bow before turning his camera off and tucking it back inside of his pocket. 

“The fun of film photography is seeing the pictures when they develop. As much as I love learning about lighting and composition, I like it when I don’t think too hard about the photos I take and seeing which ones come out good and which ones don't. It’s always a gamble but it's a safe bet.”

“You’re lucky. I don’t have an artistic bone in my body.” 

He cocks his head. “Maybe not in the way you think you do. Your friends were talking my ear off about how cool you are when it comes to your work. Heeseung told me you’re considering applying for a promotion because of your recent campaigns.” 

You blush and look away from him. “It’s nothing. I don’t think that’s really creative.” 

“You’re amazing, even if you don’t realize it. I think it’s cool that you work so closely with clients and help their vision come to life.” This feels like too kind of a thing for Sunghoon to say after having known you for such a short amount of time, but you can’t deny and say you don’t feel your heart fluttering with every compliment he gives you. 

Instead of responding by stuttering over your words, you drag Sunghoon through the remainder of the market and enjoy multiple warm cups of hot cocoa and try all of the desserts they have to offer. You end up buying a few things for your friends to add to their holiday gifts, even though they’ve been sitting in your bedroom for the past few weeks. Sunghoon reluctantly allows you to cover the lunch bill when you bring up how he bought every beverage and dessert the two of you have tried. He sees you signing the back of the receipt after writing today’s date.

“Why do you do that?” 

You hold the receipt up. “This?” 

“Yeah. Why do you sign it?” 

“I like keeping mementos of things. My fridge is covered in different letters, receipts, and artwork from friends and family. I have an entire box of receipts from important moments that I want to remember. I usually have the people I’m with sign them too and go through the receipts when I feel nostalgic.” 

“Do you think this moment is worth being nostalgic over?” You blush. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

Sunghoon blushes too. “I think that’s really cute, actually.” You slide the pen over to him. 

“Do you want to sign it?” His signature looks like that of a movie star. Even his penmanship is perfect. “There. Now you can look at this receipt when you miss me.” 

“Or I could just knock on your door until you let me in.”

“What says I’ll let you in?” 

“Because I’m the best neighbor you will ever have and even though you say you don’t like Christmas, you have to admit that you’re having fun.” 

Sunghoon smiles at that. “Yeah, you could definitely say that. I might have to come over to your apartment to see this receipt box of yours.” Sunghoon looks at you with a smile that makes you weak in the knees. It feels like you’re the subject of a reality TV show and you’re waiting for the camera crew to come out of their hiding spots and tell you this is all for show, but that never happens. 

“You know where I live,” you say to him coyly, backing away slowly as you throw your trash away. “Knock on my door any time.” 

Sunghoon laughs and you think you’d rather die than never hear it again.

***

You don’t get the chance to see Sunghoon during the week because of your work schedule but find yourself texting him whenever you get the chance. Your evenings are for catching up on TV shows that are halfway completed and messaging him even though he lives across the hallway. He hasn’t made an effort to come over to your apartment and neither have you, but you find yourself making plans with him to go ice skating with him during the following weekend and choose to look forward to that instead of letting your insecurities get the better of you. 

Heeseung asks you for updates and you can’t help but divulge into the whole truth, including every small thing Sunghoon did or said that made you overthink when he dropped you off at your apartment. He’s attentive and teases you every time you get a bit too shy to tell him how much fun you had with Sunghoon but tells you he’s proud that you’re putting yourself out there and making a new friend. Heeseung tells you that he and your other friends have been texting Sunghoon as well and discovered that they share a lot of common interests, and that they’ve got loose plans to see each other for drinks in the future. It warms your heart to know your friends like Sunghoon enough to include him in things, which makes you feel a little crazy considering he isn’t your boyfriend and you’ve officially known him for about three weeks. 

You find yourself standing on ice skates when the weekend approaches and you’re surprised to see that the outdoor rink is empty for a Saturday afternoon. You’re better than the average skater thanks to a childhood interest in figure skating and buying a ticket to the outdoor rink at least once every winter season. Sunghoon tells you he picked it up as a hobby when he was younger but his agility when he glides on the ice tells you he’s better than he claims. 

It’s chilly and your gloves protect your hands from the biting chill. Sunghoon’s alabaster skin looks like it’s glowing underneath the bright sun and his sunglasses make him look like the epitome of cool if you were to look it up in the dictionary. He keeps himself skating fairly close to you but you aren’t sure if that’s because he wants to be in your personal bubble or not. Either way, you sweat underneath your clothes and try to focus on balancing yourself on top of the hard ice. 

Sunghoon paid for your tickets and skate rentals too. He surprised you by signing his name and today’s date on the receipt for your safekeeping, telling you to keep it in your purse so it doesn’t get lost. He said it like it’s a matter-of-fact and not something only you do because you love being nostalgic about happy memories. Your hands shake as you lace up your skates and Sunghoon patiently waits for you to finish putting on the other shoe before taking up space on the ice. That feels warm.  

“I can’t help but like Christmas a little bit more when I’m on the ice.” Sunghoon takes his hands out of his pockets and runs his hand through his hair, and it makes you want to swoon. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Something about it feels like it should be done only in the wintertime. The Christmas music is helping me feel a little more festive anyway.” 

“There used to be a skating rink by my old middle school before it shut down a few years ago. I’d go with my friends as soon as December hit and learn how to skate because the owner saw me beg my parents to let me take lessons, but it was too expensive. She gave them a discount for my first few lessons.” 

“Did you stop skating?” 

“Yeah. They were able to pay for lessons as I advanced because of a bonus my mom received at work and she chose to spend it on me. My dad never cared that much but attended a few of my lessons here and there when my mom couldn’t drive me.”

“Did you compete?” 

“No, it was mostly for fun. I stopped because the financial burden was getting too much. Figure skating is the only thing I regret quitting.” 

“I stopped skating because it got in the way of my studies.” Sunghoon purses his lips. “I wasn’t aiming to go pro, or anything. It was a fun hobby I liked to do after school but my parents said it took up too much of my time because my grades weren’t straight A’s.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

He shrugs. “It’s not like I can’t skate anymore but sometimes it felt like I was being primed to take over their company and I could feel that when I was in high school. Ice skating was my way of trying to tell them that wasn’t the life I wanted, but I don’t think they got the message. I ended up quitting halfway into my sophomore year.”

“Do you miss being on the ice? 

“Sometimes. I competed at local competitions and thought about what my life would’ve looked like if I committed to a professional career, but I decided that wasn’t for me. I wanted to do something creative. Anything different than running a grocery chain.”

You bump Sunghoon’s hip. “Sounds like you’ve found your niche in photography.” 

“Ah, I hope so. I should show you some of the photos I have that aren’t on my wall.”

“Do you have a website or an Instagram for your pictures?” 

“No, but I probably should.” 

“You definitely should. I’ll even be your first follower and tell everyone to follow you.” 

Sunghoon smiles down at you. “How sweet of you.” 

“What happens next? You mentioned that your parents let you come to Seoul for a little while, but what happens after that?” 

His shoulders sulk. “Honestly? I don’t know. I moved into this apartment this past January and they said they’d give me a year to do whatever I want before I take over the business. I’m not so sure that I want to go back.” 

“Does that mean you have to move?” Sunghoon avoids looking at you. 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh.” The silence permeated for a moment. 

“I don’t want to leave, though.” Sunghoon clears his throat and shoves his hands back in his pockets. “I love Seoul and the freedom to do whatever I want. I work at a photography studio part time to pay for myself. I’m lucky that they agreed to pay my rent but that luck’s running out soon because they want me to come back. 

“It’s funny, though. My younger sister’s the one who wants to run this company because she’s studying business operations and loves it. She thrives in this environment and has always been interested in networking with people my parents know. I couldn’t care less about any of that. She has fun at his client parties but all I want to do is hide in a corner.”

“Why won’t they let her take over the business, then?” 

“My parents want to retire soon. They’ve been at it for so long and people are pressuring them to sell the business because everybody who knows them, knows they want out. My sister’s in her last year of university and isn’t ready to take over just yet. They say she needs more experience even though she’s interning with his division until she graduates.”

“So, what? If you take over, what’s she gonna do?” 

“Ideally, she’d be a co-owner the minute she feels ready to do it. But I think the plan for her is to become an assistant and then find another CEO role in another company. My parents don’t really understand that she and I want to switch places because they’re so focused on their retirement. We don’t know how to bargain with them and it’s become a sore point in our relationship.” 

“I’m really sorry, Sunghoon.” 

“My sister and I talk about this every time we see each other and I can tell she’s upset that they aren’t willing to wait out for her. She knows I don’t want this either, but sometimes it feels like she’s barely there whenever I’m with her.”

“It’s like knowing what you want is right in front of you but out of reach.” Sunghoon agrees in a noncommittal hum and you see him look in front of you at the other skaters. 

“I know how much she wants my position and I’d do anything to give it to her. I just need to convince my parents to wait a few years. I don’t mind helping out from time to time like I do now. But I don’t want to become CEO and work in that industry. I want to be a photographer and have my portraits hanging in museums and in people’s living rooms. Is that too much to ask for?” 

“No, it’s not. You’re so passionate when you talk about photography and it’s really endearing.” 

“You think so?” 

“Yeah, I do. It sounds like your sister is passionate about that CEO role as well. I hope the two of you are able to work things out.” 

Sunghoon sighs from beside you. “Me too. My lease is up in the new year and I’ll have to start packing if they don’t agree to wait a few more years until she’s ready. They’re afraid of bringing it outside help because they’d rather keep this in the immediate family.” The thought of knowing Sunghoon might no longer live across from you sends you into a temporary panic. You’ve just gotten to know him and it feels a bit unfair. “But I don’t want to move. I’m happy here.” 

“Are you?” 

He looks at you and smiles. “I am.” 

“I hope you’re able to stay,” you tell him, avoiding eye contact. “I think you’re fun to be around.” 

“Just fun?” Sunghoon teases, bumping his shoulder with yours. “Not charismatic and devastatingly handsome?” 

“No,” you lie, willing the cold air to cool down your warming cheeks. “I would never call you any of those things.” 

“Such a shame, Y/N. You have an incredibly hot neighbor who’s willing to do all of these Christmas things with you.” You smack his bicep. 

“You’re so annoying.” He laughs. 

“You’ll have to try harder to get rid of me.” 

***

The first time Sunghoon saw you was approximately a week after he moved into his apartment. You were wearing blue Bose headphones and looked so determined to unlock your door that Sunghoon chose to keep to himself and not bother you. He couldn’t help but notice the scowl on your face and how it made the perfect pout etch itself onto your lips. 

Ever since then, he’s seen you nearly every time he’s stepped out of his apartment and starts to wonder if this is fate telling him that he should make the first move and approach you because you’re friendly enough to nod at him when he passes you throughout the building. But he’s always been an introverted person who falters when it comes to meeting new people. Growing up around investors and adults who didn’t care about anything other than the economy didn’t do great for his confidence, especially since finance and business was the last thing he wanted to talk about. 

His sister was always more outgoing than he was. Sunghoon used to stutter when girls talked to him and couldn’t fathom the idea that anybody would be remotely interested in him enough to develop romantic feelings for him. It often felt like his personality mirrored everybody else’s for the fear of disappointing people to the point where Sunghoon had a hard time figuring out who he was when he wasn’t with his family or anybody who knew him as he grew up. 

Leaving his home to live in Seoul was something akin to a breath of fresh air. He loved his university days because it was the first and only time that Sunghoon could be himself without being afraid of what others would think of him. He experienced many ‘firsts’ while he was away from home–first college party, hangovers, and having sex for the first time. His first girlfriend made him realize he wanted more to live than to live the predestined plan that his parents set out for him. He didn’t want to marry someone into his family only for him to become a shell of a human being if he took on a job he didn’t want to do. When his girlfriend encouraged him to follow in his father’s footsteps because of how wealthy and successful he could be, Sunghoon broke it off with her and never looked back. 

Working for his parents was supposed to be a trial run. For the first three years after he graduated, Sunghoon agreed to come back and work at the company as an entry level assistant and work his way to the top. The weight of their expectations hung over his shoulders every time he stepped foot inside of the tall, intimidating building, and the anxiety he felt never really left him. Sunghoon worked himself to the bone every single day and continued dreaming of a life that was anything but his reality until his parents came to him with the proposition of slowly transitioning into an executive role. Suddenly, it felt like Sunghoon was running out of time and he proposed a year off before he would begin that process. 

Now, Sunghoon finds himself walking into your apartment with these lingering thoughts at the forefront because his parents are indirectly pressuring him to move back home. He ignores their calls and voicemails to the best of his ability. Spending time with you and your friends is a welcomed distraction because he doesn’t have to think about his future. The four of you give him space to be whoever he wants to be, and that isn’t something he’s felt in a very long time. 

“Your apartment looks like the inside of your brain,” Sunghoon tells you as he looks at your colorful furniture and the artwork decorating your walls. He lingers by the gargantuan posters of different cocktails framed neatly and the bar cart you keep by the kitchen in case you feel like having a drink or two on the weekend. “It’s so…you. 

“I worked really hard to make it that way. My Pinterest boards can tell you that much.” 

“I like that you’ve incorporated dark green. It’s pretty.” 

“Dark green is my favorite color. I’ve always wanted a space that felt like a home rather than a place I live in. I bought this green velvet couch when I got promoted the first time.” 

Sunghoon caresses the back of the couch. “Soft. I like it.”

“Do you want a drink, or anything?” 

“Are you gonna make me something festive?”

“I subjected you to ice skating and Christmas music that seemed to have four songs on shuffle the entire time. I think I’ll spare you tonight.”

“I’d like to try something new, if you’re up for it.” You light up and Sunghoon thinks he wants to make you look like that more often. He follows you into the kitchen and watches as you wash your hand and bring out every ingredient before turning to face him. 

“Have you ever heard of a hot toddy?” 

“Can’t say that I have. What is it?” 

“It’s an alcoholic drink I used to make with my friends from college when it starts to get cold. It’s whiskey, honey, and lemon dissolved in hot water.” 

“I don’t see how that’s festive,” he teases. 

“Trust the process, Park Sunghoon. First, boil water in a kettle.” 

Sunghoon watches you assemble the drink that is a bit too complicated for him but appreciated the effort you put into it. You tell him about your friends from college and how some of them have moved far away while others are people you see every once in a while. He hears about how you became a crowd pleaser during one particularly cold December night the day before finals and ended up making dozens of hot toddy’s for the people who lived on your dorm floor. You show him a picture of the makeshift tip jar your roommate made you to collect tips from students who wanted to pay you for the drink and went home with enough money to make you forget about finals. 

You tell him that your friends love this drink too, even if they downplay just how much. You hand him your phone and let him scroll through pictures you took of Heeseung and Jake the last time you made the drinks for everybody. They were hanging off of each other after begging you to add in a shot more than necessary every time you made a new cup. Jay helped you set a makeshift bed on the couch and floor for them to sleep off the alcohol and Sunghoon laughs at their less than flattering faces when you smile with two thumbs up as they pass out from the alcohol. 

Sunghoon has deduced that being here feels comfortable. It’s crazy to him that the four of you managed to weasel your way into his life as quickly as you did. He finds himself playing video games with the guys when they come home from work and they add him into their group chat within a few days of knowing him. Sunghoon’s always had a difficult time keeping friends around because he feels too awkward to socialize and feels like he never learned how to make friends around his age because of the environment he grew up in. He takes a picture of you on his camera despite your protests when he feels like words are too much.

Getting to know you has felt like the climax of a romance film. He’s spent so much time pining after you from afar, from thinking about what your favorite foods might be to what kind of music you listened to. You always looked so polished and head strong, something Sunghoon wished he could be. He’d lie to himself and say he’s attracted to you because you give off a sense of self-confidence that he’s never seen in anybody else, which is partially true, but spending time with you has only made him fall for you even harder. 

He’s only known you for a few weeks but it’s felt like he’s known you for a lifetime. Sunghoon tells you things he’s too afraid to tell other people or admit out loud. You bring out a side of him that wants to make a life for himself instead of listening to people who don’t have his best interests in mind. He loves it when you share your interest in Christmas and winter with him because it feels like he gets to know you better and it takes his mind off of his future. Plus, it helps that you look too cute when you start to get excited about things. Sunghoon can’t bear to be the reason why you would ever cease to feel like that. 

The more the two of you sip on the warm alcoholic cocktail, the more Sunghoon feels his shoulders start to relax. Whether it’s because he hasn’t eaten anything in a while or because you’re giving him butterflies, he doesn’t know. He hasn’t told anybody about you because he doesn’t know who he’d tell and he can’t believe he’s standing in your apartment making conversation with you. You laugh at his jokes and give him a tour of your place as he sips on his drink, and the warmth spreads throughout his chest. Suddenly his sweater feels too hot. 

You let him inside of your bedroom and it’s neat, with keepsakes lining your shelves and books on your walls. You’ve got a few floating bookshelves he admires and gawks at because he thinks it makes your room look that much cooler. You’ve got a few pictures of yourself, friends, and family along your desk and a makeup vanity with an impressive mirror on it. Everything in your room feels like it has a place and a reason to be there and Sunghoon can’t help but feel privileged that you’re letting him inside, like he’s supposed to be there too. 

“Is this your box of receipts?” he asks when he sees a small box without a lid on it. There are dozens of receipts haphazardly lying in there and he takes one out when you nod at him. There’s a receipt for a late night doughnut run, a printed copy of the receipt from the couch in your living room, and your first trip to the doctor. He digs to see if he can find the one from the market. “Where’s the receipt from when we went to the market?” 

You point at the board above your desk filled with pictures and other receipts too. Sunghoon looks at it and spots your handwriting and his next to a picture of you as a child. It makes his heart melt a little bit. 

“I like to keep really good memories up here.” 

Sunghoon feels like he could cry. “I’m really happy you had a fun time. I did too, but I didn’t want to come off as weird and tell you that.” 

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. If anything, I didn’t want to come off as too eager to hang out with you when we got back home.”

“Is this a good time for me to confess that I wanted to hang out with you instead of parting ways?” You look away from him to hide your smile and he can’t help but feel his heart skip a beat. 

“Now you’re just buttering me up,” you say in lieu of an answer. You stand impossibly close to him while he looks at the pictures on the board. 

“You were such a cute kid.” 

“I was cuter when I wore pigtails and when I was missing my two front teeth, that’s for sure.” 

“I think you’re doing fine just now.” 

You blush again. “Okay, you’re definitely trying to make me flustered.” 

“Is it working?” Sunghoon grins when you hide your face in his arm. “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

“Anyway!” You pull yourself off of him and close the receipt box while he laughs behind you. “That’s enough of that.”

“It’s getting late and I think you put too much whiskey in this.” Sunghoon looks at you with another teasing grin but he’s starting to like catching you off guard like this. 

“I’m not listening to anything you say because you said it was just enough.” Even your faux pout is cute. “Thanks for going ice skating with me.”

“Thanks for making this for me.” He holds up his empty cup and you lead him to the kitchen. He offers to wash your dishes for you but you decline and forcibly lead him to the front door when he starts to protest. The exhaustion from today has started to tire him out and his eyes begin to droop when he steps outside. 

“Goodnight, Sunghoon. Thank you for today.” You look up at him with an expression he can’t read. 

“I had a lot of fun. I mean it. You might change my mind about Christmas after all.” 

“There’s nothing I can’t do, Hoonie.” He blushes at the nickname. “Text me when you’re home, okay?”

He snorts. “Sure thing. I’ll be sure to text you in five seconds after I lock my door.” 

“Good. Who knows? This is a big hallway. Maybe you’d drip and fall a few steps into your journey.” Sunghoon thinks you’re too cute when you’re coy like this. 

“I’ll even text you when I’m tucked in bed so you know I made it safely.” 

The last thing he expects you to do is kiss his cheek. He feels your lips on his skin and his entire body becomes frigid, like he suddenly forgot how to breathe. Sunghoon thinks he might trip on his way back to his apartment at this rate. 

“Goodnight, Hoonie. Text me when you’re home.”

***

You don’t get the chance to spend any time with Sunghoon for the next couple of weeks because your work leaves you too tired to do anything outside of your apartment since it requires a few hours during your weekends. Sunghoon seems to understand and doesn’t push you to go out with him too much. Part of you wants to invite him over to your place for something casual, but your tendency to overthink prevents you from putting that offer on the table. 

Heeseung can tell you’re overwhelmed when he sees you. You hide yourself away in the confines of your office and don’t make conversation with him like you typically would. The start of the holidays mark a tumultuous time for you and he knows that better than anybody else. He can’t help but be a little concerned when you don’t join him for lunch like you typically do if meetings don’t interfere. When he sees you eating at your desk with a pathetic looking sandwich with a single bite taken out of it, he walks into your office without knocking and replaces his lunch with yours. 

“Don’t even think about scolding me for coming here unannounced.” Heeseung gestures at your desk. “Eat.” 

“You don’t deserve to eat a poorly made sandwich.” 

“Oh, and you do?” 

You groan. “No. But I was in a rush and forgot to pack a lunch last night.” 

“What’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this.” 

“My mom keeps asking me if I’m going to come home and I feel so guilty that I keep dodging it. I know she means well, but that’s what makes it worse. She keeps telling me she wants to have one weekend with me for Christmas, even if it isn’t on the actual holiday because she hasn’t seen me in a while. 

“I feel like I’m disappointing her, you know? It’s hard to leave the bubble I’ve created for myself because I know I have to face all of the bullshit I faced with my dad when I go back. It feels like I become the teenage version of myself who couldn’t express her feelings and kept everything bottled up inside. I want to forget all of that. I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore.” 

“Do you want to go?” 

“I do, but I can’t bring myself to actually buy a train ticket. I want to go home and not feel this contempt but I can’t help it. I hate it there. I hate walking through the hallways because I can hear his footsteps and the way he used to yell at me when I did something wrong. I can’t escape these feelings when winter starts. I mean, you know me. The holidays only became what it is because I try not to think about how fucking awful it used to be.” 

“You can’t run from everything forever, though.” Heeseung looks at you like he’s trying to drill his words into your head. “You’ve already done the work to push past it.”

“I know, but it’s hard to be in a place that feels like an empty home. I’m so nostalgic for everything I loved as a kid but it gets tainted when I think about my dad and how hard it was for my mom to raise me by herself. All I can think about is how I felt when I couldn’t do anything to save myself. But on the other hand, I feel so guilty for missing him too. He had his moments and I try to think about that instead of thinking about the bad ones. He’s not here to make me feel like I have to watch my back, but why does it feel like I still have to?”

“You’ve been through a lot and you have to understand that the average person doesn’t go through a lifetime of pain and trauma before they turn twenty-one. It feels like you’re stuck because there aren’t many people who can relate to you.”

You sigh. “I guess so. It feels lonely and isolating. It doesn’t matter how many times I open up to a therapist about it either. It always feels like I’m running so fast that I end up tripping over myself.” 

“So, what are you gonna do about it? Sit here and mope or make a decision?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is, though. You’re somebody who hates waiting around for people to save you. The only way to resolve anything is to pick a decision and stick with it until the end. If you regret it, at least you can say you tried.” 

“It’s really hard to self sabotage when I’m friends with you.” 

Heeseung laughs at that. “I know. I won’t let you do that either.” 

“I think I mostly feel bothersome for always talking about the same old problem to you.” 

“It doesn’t bother me. I care about you and you clearly need to talk to somebody who knows you inside and out. I’ve seen how difficult it is for you to open up and the fact that you’ve grown so close with Sunghoon in a short amount of time is incredible to me.” 

You groan and slump over your desk. “Don’t remind me. I haven’t properly seen him in weeks and feel awful that I have no energy to hang out whenever he asks me to. I hope he doesn’t think I’m ghosting him.”

“He doesn’t.” 

“How could you possibly know that?” Heeseung pulls out his phone and lets you glance over his texts with Sunghoon. 

“He asked if you were okay a while back and said he was worried since you kept declining to go out. His first thought was that you might’ve been sick or burned out, not that you were ghosting him.”

“Burned out is definitely the right answer.” 

Heeseung smiles at his phone. “Hoon was worried that he was coming off too strong by texting you so much. I told him you’d probably appreciate hearing from him more than giving you space.”

“Since when do you call him ‘Hoon’?”

“We’re close like that.” 

“That makes me nervous.” 

“I’ll be sure to divulge your crush on him while we hang out tonight.” You throw the cap of a pen at his chest. “He said he missed you, though.” 

“I miss him.” You groan a little too loudly for your liking. “I haven’t had any energy these last couple of weeks and I’ve been overthinking the hell out of kissing his cheek when I last saw him.”

“Sorry, you did what?!” 

“I kissed his cheek when he left my apartment and I can’t tell if I regret it or not.” 

“Dude, Sunghoon is clearly not weirded out by that,” Heeseung says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “He wouldn’t be checking in with me about your mental state if he thought it was weird.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Positive. You don’t have to do anything crazy with him either. I get the feeling he’s the type of guy who’d appreciate doing anything as long as it’s with people he enjoys being around. He’d probably enjoy it if you two stayed in and watched movies.” 

“I can do that.” You pull your phone out and search for his contact. “I could do a movie and takeout.” 

“See? There's nothing to be worried about. You’re just stressed out about going home. Take it one day at a time.”

Sunghoon agrees to have a quiet night in when the weekend approaches and you find yourself sitting in his living room instead of your own. He tells you to come over in your pajamas with your worries left at his doorstep and asks you to let him take care of everything, including ordering takeout and paying for it. He tells you he’s up for watching a Christmas movie, but you’ve had your fill and the two of you decide to watch reruns of Community on Netflix as a way to relax through laughter and comedy. 

“I’m sorry that you’ve had a rough couple of weeks,” he says as he sits next to you on the couch. He’s encouraged you to put your feet up and sit however you’d like, and crossing your legs feels like a respectable position. He sits at a short distance from you, far enough that you aren’t touching but close enough that you can feel the warmth radiate off of him. 

“It’s that time of year. Everybody wants answers but nobody is willing to put in the work. It gets like this every December because everybody’s trying to finish strong before winter break.” 

“Still though, the guys made it seem like this was an everyday occurrence for you and seeing you so tired made me worried.” Your heart skips a beat. 

“Ah, well…my friends know I can push through anything. Jay’s the one who understands me the most when I get like this. I’ve been getting better at asking for help and they know I’ll come to them if I need to.”

“What about when you don’t?”

“Don’t what?”

“Ask for help?”

You turn to look at him. “I guess they force me to open up until I get annoyed and tell them to leave me alone. But that usually doesn’t last very long and I cave in since they never seem to listen to me anyway.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future.” Sunghoon takes a small handful of the popcorn sitting on the coffee table and shoves it in his mouth. “You have good friends and I can tell they love you.”

“I owe them a lot, if I’m being honest. Sometimes it feels like I don’t do enough for them.” 

“You must be a good friend if they care about you that much, too. Don’t sell yourself short.” Sunghoon seems to see you in ways you can barely see yourself and his constant reminders always leave you speechless. 

“How’ve you been? How’s your photography class and work?”

“My classes wrapped up last week. It was bittersweet. I love my instructor and I’m sad that he and I are parting ways, but he’s taught me a lot that I’ll definitely remember when I pick up a camera. Work is fine as well, it’s getting a little busy because of the holidays but it’s nothing I can’t manage. They know about the situation with my parents so we’re trying to take it as it comes.” 

“Have you resolved that?” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Not yet…It feels like they don’t get it at all.” 

“I’m really sorry, Hoonie.” 

“It is what it is. I’ll miss Seoul a lot for more reasons than one.” He looks at you and your heart skips another beat. 

“Living here won’t be the same without running into you, I’ll tell you that much.”

“I’ll cherish those moments forever,” he teases. “I don’t know what I’m going to do but I’m going to try to convince them to hold off on retiring for a few years. I talked to our landlord and managed to negotiate one more month when I told him about what’s happening. I have enough to pay for that and I’m a little shocked that he agreed.” 

“Must be a Christmas miracle.” He looks at you with an unreadable expression. 

“Maybe. Have you decided if you’re going back home or not?”

You pick at your fingers. “I’m still on the fence about it. She called me yesterday and slipped that question in halfway through the conversation. I can tell she’s empathetic about it, though. She knows how hard it is for me to be back home with everything that happened with my dad. Part of me wants to go because I miss her, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Train tickets are probably too expensive anyway.”

“I’ll drive you.” 

You turn to face him. “Sunghoon, it’s a two hour drive.”

“And?”

“I’m not making you drive two hours to my house and two hours back to Seoul.” He looks at you like this is the easiest decision he’s ever had to make. 

“You’re not forcing me to do anything. I want to. This has been weighing on your mind for a long time and I don’t want you to miss out on spending the holidays with your mom just because of how much a ticket would cost to get you there.”

“Sunghoon–”

“It’s no sweat off of my back. I’m serious about it. I don’t have classes anymore and my work schedule is flexible. Plus, I think it could be cute to see where you grew up.” 

“That’s…Really sweet of you.” Sunghoon turns to look at you too and smiles with those plush lips you think about kissing a little too much. You try to reel it in because he’s your friend and that’s what friends do, right? 

“You’ve done a lot for me. The least I could do is drive you home.” 

You don’t say anything. You can’t say anything. Sunghoon sees you from the corner of his eye as you turn back to face the TV, and he watches you try to hide a smile. He turns away and feels his own cheeks flush at the thought of seeing you in your hometown, even if it’s for a short while. Above all, Sunghoon wants this Christmas to feel like it’s the best one you’ve ever had on the account that you’ve made Seoul feel like home for him. 

The night progresses and you switch to a movie halfway through the night until you yawn. Sunghoon grabs a blanket and puts it over the both of you instead of suggesting you go back to your apartment. Somehow, this gesture feels kinder than anything anybody has ever done for you. 

You’re both acutely aware of how close your bodies are because of the blanket but neither of you care all that much. Your shoulder keeps bumping into his every time you move and eat the popcorn he’s provided, and Sunghoon silently wishes that he could pull your body against his once and for all. He doesn’t, choosing to savor the way your side touches him instead of doing anything that might make you uncomfortable. But somewhere in your tired stupor, you put your head on his shoulder and yawn. 

“Thank you everything,” you say quietly. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you’d drive me home.”

“I’d do anything for you.” Sunghoon says it a bit too quickly but he doesn’t regret telling you that. 

“I wish I could repay you.”

“Being here is enough. Can I try something?” 

When you nod, Sunghoon maneuvers himself so that his back rests against the arm of the couch with his body spread across the cushions without disrupting you too much. You don’t fight against him when he scoops you into his arms and places your head on his chest. You feel his heartbeat in this position. It’s slow and melodic, unlike your fantasies of hoping the cute guy next door would have a rapid heart rate every time he saw you. But you think you like this better; Sunghoon seems to be comfortable around you. 

For the fear of touching you too much, Sunghoon keeps his hands by his side and pulls them away when he realizes he’s touching your exposed skin. You let go of every thought telling you to run away and grab his arms to wrap them around your own body, nuzzling your way close to his with your eyes closed in contentment. 

In lieu of saying goodnight, you kiss his chest and Sunghoon thinks he might be on cloud nine.

***

In the time between telling your mother you’d be home for a couple of days over the weekend to arriving at her doorstep, your friends have expressed their happiness in your decision. Jake couldn’t help but feel emotional when you told him and you get the feeling that Jay always knew the decision you’d make. Heeseung chose to forego teasing you out of solidarity for this vulnerable moment and wishes you all the best. However, all three of them did not hold back in telling you every joke in the book when you told them Sunghoon was dropping you off and picking you up. 

Sunghoon drives seamlessly and you silently thank him for it because approaching the familiar quietness of your neighborhood makes you feel somewhat uneasy. Your stomach turns in flips when you see that same house you used to look up at whenever you’d come home from school. It’s still jarring to see that only your mom’s car is parked on the street with your father’s car nowhere to be seen. It’s a physical reminder that he isn’t here and you don’t know if you’re relieved or not. She greets you the moment Sunghoon parks his car and the feeling of melting into her arms is indescribable. 

“I missed you,” she whispers into your hair. “It’s been so long.”

“I know, Eomma. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. You’re here now and that’s all I care about. You’re Sunghoon, right?” He turns to look at you as he pulls your duffle bag out of his car and bows at a full ninety degrees for just a second too long. She finds it amusing and tells him so when he stands up. 

“Pleasure to meet you. Y/N has great things to say about you.”

“Oh, trust me. She has good things to say about you too.”

“Okay!” You clap your hands and grab the bag from Sunghoon, turning your body away from him. “I think we’ve had a long car ride and can find literally anything else to talk about.” 

“I should get going before traffic gets bad. It was nice to meet you.”

“Come in for some tea!” 

She doesn’t give him the chance to respond but he doesn’t seem to mind. Sunghoon takes off his shoes and leaves them in the corner as your mom presents the two of you with a freshly brewed pot that reminds you of your childhood. The interior looks the same as it has since you last visited and that big family portrait still hangs above the couch in the living room. Your father smiles back at you like he’s happy you’re here. 

Sunghoon chooses to remain quiet as he drinks his tea to give you and your mom some time to catch up. He feels a bit awkward in a stranger’s home when this trip was supposed to be about you and your family, but he can’t say he isn’t pleased when the warmth of the tea starts to settle in his chest. Photos of you from your childhood line the walls and he can’t help but comment about how adorable you look in pink bows and frilly dresses. You look as cute then as you do now, but that’s something he will never tell you. 

Your mom brings out a small booklet of photos from your past, too. You try to prevent her from showing Sunghoon but he laughs it off and sits with pictures of you from elementary school in his hands. He tries not to let it show that his hands are shaking because you let your chin rest on his shoulder as you peer over him. He can feel your warm breath on his neck and it sends him into a short spiral until you’re scooping up the book and handing it back to your mom with a bashful smile on your face. 

He can see that you’re trying your best not to feel like that same, awkward mess of a teenage girl when your mother tells him stories about you from childhood. She tells him about the first time you performed in a dance recital and how you were center stage only to accidentally trip on your shoelaces that nearly sent you flying into the audience. She tells him about your first overseas vacation to Disney World in Florida because it was the first time you learned you hated humidity and people who didn’t know how to drive. 

With every hour that passes by, Sunghoon starts to think he understands you better. He knows you to be somebody who’s independent and confident, but the idea that you had to work hard towards it was lost on him until he came to visit your hometown. He understands why you felt so trapped here between your mother’s rants about how difficult your dad was to the limited opportunities for you to thrive. She tells him a bit about how you were emotionally unavailable in your teenage years despite your protests (as mothers tend to do), but she finishes her thought by telling Sunghoon how she’s always thought you were destined for things greater than what a small fishing town could ever offer you. He pretends like he’s got allergies when he feels his eyes watering up. 

Sunghoon asks to stretch his legs and by the time the night approaches, he’s agreed to stay over and spend more time visiting your favorite places and where you grew up. Your mom tells him not to feel like he’s intruding, as she rarely gets to spend time with anybody in your life, and he decides that this little vacation might be good for him. He offers to pay for dinner and he thinks he’s gained some approval for that. 

Time passes by too quickly for his liking. You’ve taken him everywhere you can think of–your old ice skating rink, your favorite boba shop, the schools you’ve attended–but it still feels like he’s barely scratched the surface of getting to know you before adulthood. He loves that you’re so open about yourself in a way that he’s never been able to. You talk his ear off about drama that you haven’t thought about in decades and he listens and feels several different emotions on your behalf despite not knowing anybody you’re talking about. He parks his car in the parking lot of your high school and the two of you spend an hour eating takeout from your favorite sandwich shop and gossipping about the entire town just for the two of you to hear. 

You talk about your dad on occasion and he doesn’t pry you to talk about it either. Sunghoon hears the melancholy in your voice when you think about old memories and missing him in ways you’ve never been able to experience before. You tell him that it’s been four years since you lost yourself. You also tell him that you don’t want to live the kind of life where you’re held back by his opinion anymore. He’s here in the walls and all over town, and the weight of missing him doesn’t feel like a burden anymore. It feels like a step towards freedom to be who you are, free from the anchors that kept you sheltered. Sunghoon knows your mother must be proud of you for making this decision because he sees it in her smile when she watches you laugh.

He decides he wants this kind of life; Sunghoon wants to be supported by his family when it comes to what he wants to do with his life. He wishes his parents believed in him as much as your mother believes in you. Seeing her so open and welcoming to a complete stranger and bragging about your accomplishments to him makes Sunghoon yearn for that kind of unconditional love too. Even in the moments when you get quiet over unpleasant memories that seem to resurface from coming back home, it seems that she helps you through it and doesn’t shame you for feeling the way that you do. It’s something Sunghoon desperately wishes he could do instead of entertaining conversations about taking over his family’s business. 

If there’s one thing you’ve taught Sunghoon, it’s that he can fall as many times as he wants so long as he chooses to get back up again. He’s come to love how open you are when it comes to people and experiences because he’s starting to understand just how difficult your childhood was until you found your footing in Seoul. Being alone meant exploring who you were without the opinions of people who wanted to hold you back. Even if people gave you reasons to shun the world and expect apologies from everybody under the sun, you hold your chin up with dignity and choose to move on instead of dwelling on people and things that don't matter. He wishes he could be like that too.

“Are you happy?” 

Sunghoon stares at your ceiling in your childhood bed when he asks you that. He’s a bit surprised that he’s allowed to be here at all and offered to take the couch, but your mother said the two of you are adults and don’t need her permission. The two of you were blushing messes when she left you alone to unpack your clothes while she gave him an extra toothbrush and old clothes from her brother who left them at her place. Both of you decided that it would be too awkward to try to not cuddle on your surprisingly comfortable twin bed and he chooses to use this as an excuse to touch you. He hasn’t heard a complaint from you and the feeling of your body wrapped up in his is exhilarating.

“I am, yeah. This weekend was a lot better than I thought it would be.”

“But are you happy with your life? Are you happy with yourself?” You push yourself off his body and look down at him.

“Where’s this coming from?” 

“I kept thinking about my life and my parents for the past couple of days. Your mom’s sweet and I can tell she believes in you whenever she tells me about your life here. It sounds like she did her best to raise you between work and your dad, and I can never imagine how stressful your childhood must've been with him in the house. I see how much you’ve grown from everything. It’s inspiring.”

“I don’t know if inspiring is the right word. I think I was dealt with shitty cards and expected an apology from the world without realizing that I had to work on myself in order to receive it.”

“That’s the thing, though. I can see that you’ve put in the work to become a better person. My parents aren’t as supportive as your mom and I kept thinking to myself: ‘Do I want to go through with a life that’s already planned for me when I know I’ll be unhappy?’”

Sunghoon looks up at you when he feels you brush his hair from his eyes. He can’t really tell what you’re thinking about as you look all over his face but the gentle touch of your fingertips puts him at ease as his mind begin to race. 

“I am happy. There are moments where I feel like the world is crumbling around me, but I know tomorrow is around the corner. I used to think that there wouldn’t be people out there who would ever believe all of the things I went through, but meeting the guys and making a life for myself makes me think otherwise. I’m happier because of it.” 

“That makes me feel hopeful.”

“Does it?” 

He nods and closes his eyes when your fingertip draws an invisible pathway across his cheek and down the bridge of his nose. You get dangerously close to his lips but your hand merely cups his jaw and your simple, gentle touch is enough for Sunghoon to realize he’s fallen far too hard to give up on his future, especially if you’re in it. 

“Yes,” he says in a whisper. “You make me feel like I could do anything if I try hard enough.” 

Sunghoon stares at you like you’ve hung up every star in the galaxy for him to see. When he looks at you, everything he’s been too afraid to say comes bubbling to the surface and his life beyond today becomes as clear as day. He wants to wake up next to you every morning and listen to your childhood stories until you run out of breath. He wants to spend every Christmas with you and fill your memory box with as many receipts with his signature on it. There is no future without you in it. 

You kiss him so tenderly that Sunghoon thinks he might be imagining things. Your palm is warm to the touch and he’s quick to react, pulling your body closer to his while his arms enclose your body against him. Sunghoon doesn’t know how many nights he’s spent imagining what your lips taste like or the way you sound with his mouth on yours, but nothing could ever compare to the real thing. 

He maneuvers you onto his lap because of the limited space on your twin bed and his body feels like it’s set ablaze when the back of your thighs touch his lap. You’re wearing thin shorts and an oversized shirt while he’s wearing clean basketball shorts from his car and a shirt your mom let him borrow. He feels your breasts push against his muscular chest as you lean against him for support and tilt your head to capture his mouth like you’re trying to taste all of him at once, and Sunghoon thinks he likes it when you’re desperate for him too. 

The weight of your body on his lap inevitably makes him hard and the quiet gasp into his mouth makes Sunghoon buck himself up into you. You grip onto his shoulders and dig push him back down onto the mattress to keep yourself steady and he’s about to apologize for crossing a boundary until you grind yourself onto him too. You tug at the hem of his shirt and he complies, taking it off in one fell swoop. 

“You’re really hot, you know that?” 

“Would you believe me if I told you I work out for you?”

“Not even a little bit.” Sunghoon laughs as he pulls your shirt off of your body delicately, cupping your breasts in his hands as he gives them a soft squeeze. 

“You’re perfect,” he whispers. “So perfect.” 

He’s hard underneath you, so much so that you feel him through your thin sleeping shorts. His cock is situated between your folds and every small movement you make is enough to make him feel like he’s losing his mind. Sunghoon holds your breasts in his hands as you push yourself off of his lap just to sink your weight back down. He gives your nipples a squeeze periodically and he makes a mental note when you throw your head back and moan. 

“I’m so wet,” you whisper when you sit upright, your hips continuing to grind against him. The way your voice cracks makes him feel better about being desperate to feel you. “This feels so good, Hoonie. But we can’t. My mom’s down the hall.” 

“Do you trust me?” 

Seeing you nod is enough for him. Sunghoon’s thankful your mattress isn’t loud or bumping against the wall. He temporarily pulls you off of his body to kick off his shorts and feels a bit shy when you stare at how big and hard he is through his boxers. You push your lap back down onto his and he refrains from moaning too loud, silencing himself by pulling your lips down to his by your neck. His hands wander to your ass as you feel his toned chest and abdomen too. He pushes and pulls your body over his cock and moves his lips to kiss up your jawline. 

“I wish I could fuck you properly like you deserve,” he says, leaving a wet trail of kisses on your skin. 

“I want that too.” 

“I’d worship every inch of you.” He uses his hands to press you against his lap until you bite back a moan. “I want to know what you feel like.”

“Fuck.”

“Cute.” 

He kisses your chin and wraps his arms around your lower back to keep you in place before thrusting his hips up to meet yours. Sunghoon catches you by surprise and you bite his shoulder to keep yourself from moaning too loud every time his clothed cock bumps against your clit. He’s so warm underneath you and this kind of touch is one that you’ve been craving longer than you’d like to admit. 

The passion is short lived and the two of you don’t care how quick it takes the two of you to come undone in the quiet of your bedroom. He kisses you and tries to swallow the sound of your lips smacking against one another, too afraid that one wrong move could make your mother distrust him. Sunghoon’s kisses make you dizzy but you cling onto him like he’s your lifeline until your high ebbs away, and the two of you clean up before getting a well deserved, good night’s rest. 

***

Sunghoon can barely keep his hands off of you when the two of you arrive back to your apartment. He tells you to come back to his place and have a cup of tea with him before you part ways and you agree. The entire car ride home made you feel like you might as well be living in one of your daydreams because he didn’t mind it when you pulled one of his hands from the steering wheel to hold it the entire drive back. He’d switch from holding your thigh to kissing the back of your hand every time you changed the music. The two of you sang your hearts out to pop songs from the 2000s and pretended to perform in front of an audience when dramatic ballads came on shuffle.

Things fall into place on the ride back. You decide to pursue a promotion when it opens in the new year and text your friends to tell them you’re safe and with Sunghoon. They make you promise to tell them all about this past weekend and try to get you to reveal your presents, but you refuse and include Sunghoon in all of the jokes they tell you in your group chat before they ask if he wants to be added into the main one. In every sense of the word, it felt like the two of you found a home in each other. 

He lets you change into fresh clothes and shower before you knock on his apartment. Sunghoon feels his heartbeat picking up when you show up in a tank top and shorts with no bra on, and he feels a bit like a teenage boy seeing a girl semi-naked for the first time. The two of you talk about your trip and the next festive thing you’ll do when he feels himself starting to get worked up. All Sunghoon can think about was keeping his promise to you when he made you orgasm through your panties. He wants you to know that he loves you, so he decides to tell you that when you stand up to put your mug in his sink.

“I love you. I’m telling you right now that I’d do anything you asked me to.” 

Sunghoon squeezes your hips with his fingers like he’s trying to convey what he says through his touch. His breath is warm as it fans against your lips and the heat of his apartment makes your cheeks and neck warm up from where you stand. He breathes heavily, as if his confession carries a great deal of weight to it. Every word he speaks drips with honesty and the loyalty behind it scares you. 

And yet, you can’t bring it in yourself to pull away when he kisses you. 

His soft, pillowy lips approach your own with caution. You feel him hover above you until he’s ghosting his mouth against yours as if you’re a magnet he can no longer resist. Sunghoon’s lips descend upon your own and he holds your body tightly against him like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go. 

You both move like two slow dancers, swaying to the silent melody only audible by those who pay close enough attention. It’s at this moment you understand why poets and romantics speak of a hidden language only two lovers know. Sunghoon’s confession strengthens the feelings you’ve harbored for him and something about the way he touches you makes you feel like you can let go of your inhibitions. He’s brought your eagerness bubbling to the surface and you find that the harder you try to ignore your love for him, the louder your heart beats inside of your chest. 

You can’t help but think about how perfectly you slot against Sunghoon when you wrap your arms around his neck. He squeezes your hips the more you push into him and kisses you like he’s trying to commit the way your lips feel to memory. All of your worries melt into the floor the moment Sunghoon pulls away to look at your face under the ambient lighting and his gentle touch brushes your hair out of your face. His delicate thumbs come to cup your jawline and rub the apples of your cheeks as if you were made of something breakable. Sunghoon looks at you like this with the kind of gaze that can only be described as fondness. He looks at you with an accumulation of his feelings and desires of being wanted for who he is, not who he’s supposed to be. 

When Sunghoon looks at you, what he sees before him is a strong girl who braves the toughest weather in a tiny row boat with nothing but her wits and a single paddle. It’s your intelligence and patience that steers you away from the turbulent waters. You’re a beacon that lights a dark tunnel and deep down, Sunghoon knows that you’re his guiding light that’ll lead him home. It was your charm and passion that drew him in, and it’s your resilience and willpower that makes him want to stay. 

“I am nothing without you.” Sunghoon kisses both of your cheeks and his warm lips feel like comforting reminders that he’ll always be with you. 

“Hoonie…”

“What is it?” 

“Kiss me.” 

He does, with a slow pass at your lips while his hands cradle your cheeks in his hands and the tenderness of his touch feels something akin to puzzle pieces falling into place. The feeling is intense and overwhelming the more you drink in Sunghoon’s words to you and in this very moment, you allow yourself to believe he means what he says. Your hands find perch on his wrists as you grip onto him to anchor yourself. Sunghoon keeps kissing you as he puts one hand behind your head while the other moves to your upper back. He’s got you, even when you fall onto the mattress behind you when he dips your body backwards. 

Sunghoon hovers above your body and cages you underneath him as his warm mouth pushes against you rougher than before. He squeezes your hip until both legs are wide open enough for him to slot his body between them. It’s like he can’t get enough of the way you feel against his body because he finally has you exactly where he wants you. Sunghoon’s heart beats loudly in his chest that he feels the vibrations in his ears the more he listens to the way you two kiss, paired with your hands pushing up his shirt. Your fingernails rake down his abdomen and it leaves him a panting mess while he sucks in his stomach at the intense feeling. Sunghoon pushes a quiet moan against your mouth and you drink it up like it’s water. 

“I want to see you.” 

You whisper your incantation against his lips and the desperation in your voice enchants him. Sunghoon moves his fingertips to the hem of his shirt and briefly disconnects your mouth to pull it over his body completely before coming back down to kiss you again. He feels your hands spread across his shoulders and arms, squeezing his biceps while you moan at their firmness. They touch his chest and down to his sculpted abdomen when he jolts and he emits that same, breathy moan from before. 

Sunghoon chases your lips when you push his chest away from you and it takes two tries until he’s pulling his body back. The way you look underneath him does not compare to when he dreams of you like this. You’re breathtaking and alluring with your hair fanned out and lips wet and swollen from his kiss. He loves the way you look at him like he’s your consolation prize for befriending him all that time ago, and Sunghoon thinks he loves the feeling of you looking at his body like you’re a step from objectifying him. It feels like you’re finally taking what you want without hesitating to, like you’re not ashamed of feeling so intensely about him. That guard you keep up, the one placed there in protection against those who have the intention of abandoning you, has vanished only for him.

“Touch me.” 

His baritone command rings in your head while your hand spreads across his abdomen. Your fingers feel every hard ridge and the way he constricts his stomach underneath your touch. Sunghoon holds your hand underneath his to pull it up to his neck and guides you down his body as if he wants you to memorize what he feels like too. Somewhere between his parted lips and intense eye contact is when you realize your sanity is nowhere to be found, and it seems like he can tell because he feels the way your legs squeeze him. 

“I want you to see me too.” 

His fingers lift the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off?”

When you nod, his fingers begin to tremble the higher the fabric travels up your body. Your skin is warm and soft underneath his tongue and he’s afraid that he’ll forget what you look like if his eyes stray from you. He pushes your top until he sees your deep green bra that hides your chest from him and pushes your back into an arch for him to unhook the fabric without much of a fuss. 

He doesn’t know where to look first. The bra is thrown haphazardly beside him and you can’t bring yourself to care about where it is on his bedroom floor. Instead, his hands cup your breasts and his fingers give a light squeeze as if to experiment with them. Sunghoon’s eyes gloss over your body and his mouth parts in astonishment the more he soaks your image in. He brings the pads of his thumbs to rub your nipples that have grown hard and sensitive since he pushed you onto the bed. 

Slowly, he descends. His warm mouth wraps around your left nipple with a tantalizing slowness that makes you feel like time is frozen around the two of you. Your heart drums in your chest at his merciful tongue that experimentally licks your nub. Sunghoon’s eyes dart up to look at you and drink in every reaction from his movements, and when he feels your chest arch into him upon sucking his mouth around your nipple, he brings his hand to the other and pinches it until you yelp. 

He flattens his tongue to lick you up before moving his head to switch to your other nipple, pressing a wet kiss to the valley between your breasts before attaching himself back onto you. The spot where his lips touched you blooms underneath your skin and sends a soft buzz all over your body. It’s hard to focus on his mouth when you feel overwhelmed in the best way possible. 

“So soft.” Sunghoon mutters in the quiet silence apart from your quiet pants and his mouth working your nipple. He grips your breasts and pushes them together as if to admire your naked chest with you watching him. 

“Hoonie—”

“I need to taste you.” He licks between both nipples and speaks as if he’s read your mind just by looking at you. “Can I? Please?” 

To be yearned like this feels like it could’ve been a blessing from above. Sunghoon looks at you with determination when you nod and you watch him sink further down your body with his hands following in his wake. In the quiet of his room, the bedsheets rustle underneath you when he beckons you to sit back against the pillows at the top of his bed. His warm and heavy breaths touch your thighs when he hooks his fingers around your shorts and pulls them down along with your panties. He hums when he pulls them off of you completely and looks directly between your legs, bringing both of his palms to feel your smooth legs until they come to grip your inner thighs. 

His electric touch is a spark you cannot seem to run away from. You feel completely frozen underneath his stare but you can’t bring yourself to shy away from his touch or sink deeper within yourself. Something about the man before you brings out the desires and needs you keep locked away, tucked inside the smallest cupboard in the back of your mind with the key long gone. But somehow, Sunghoon has paved his own way and brought you to your knees with a single kiss.

Sunghoon kisses your inner thighs, his pillowy lips leaving traces of cool spit onto your hot skin. His slow, soft pace is the kind of patience you wish for yourself. You love how kind and gentle he is when he’s with you and he never pushes you farther than your own capacity. He lets you set the tone and lead him wherever you choose to go, and his delicate touches with your body completely bare before him makes you think love and sex can be just as powerful as everyone says it is. When Sunghoon’s mouth comes to pass your core, he kisses the middle of your slit and savors the way your lap moves against him. 

“You feel so good.” He mutters against your other thigh like he’s saying a prayer. “So pliant for me.” Sunghoon nips at the juncture and smiles to himself when you gasp before returning to your mound, his left hand caressing your thigh while his other brings his thumb to knick at your hardened, aroused nub. 

“Sunghoon, I can’t…”

“Can’t what, baby?” 

“I can’t wait anymore.” When Sunghoon looks up at you, he sees the lust by the way your mouth parts just slightly ajar and how your chest rises and falls in anticipation. Who is he to deny you of your pleasure? 

Without another word, Sunghoon closes his eyes and sticks his tongue out to lick a fat stripe up your folds. Your moans are like music to his ears and he swears he could bottle it up and keep it shelved for days. The way you taste covers the surface of his wet muscle and he hums right into your core the more his mouth explores your aroused hole, poking the tip inside of you with every other swipe of his tongue just to tease you. 

“Ah, ahh!” Sunghoon loves hearing the way you whine underneath him and moans in appreciation when you roll your hips against his face because of him. It motivates him to move his head against you too, angling his face to lick every every single part of you. 

Your hands find themselves gripping your naked breasts in an attempt to ground yourself as your chest becomes one with the ceiling the more you arch your back. Sunghoon’s hands come to hold your waist and keep your legs spread before him before you can even think about falling back onto the bed. His touch is magnetic and you don’t think you’ve ever been so desperate to be touched by anyone before him. 

He lets your body fall and decides to give your legs a break since they’ve been spread out for him for so long. Your hips thank him when he lifts them both into the air and temporarily separates himself from your core to look at you like this. Sunghoon rises to kneel before you and his saliva leaves a string of spit when he detaches from your swollen folds. 

“Your pussy is so pretty.” Sunghoon stares intently at your glistening core and he’s mesmerized by the way you clench at his praise. He brings his thumb to your clit and rubs your sensitive nub and smears your wetness around your folds, his other hand holding your legs up for you. “I can’t believe you deprived me of it for so long. 

“I wanna cum,” you moan selfishly when he sticks two of his fingers inside. Your smooth walls engulf his digits and your arousal splashes around the more he pumps them in and out of you. 

“My baby wants to cum?” he asks rhetorically, thrusting his fingers rapidly while your hands come to steady your legs in the air the way he’s been holding you. “You deserve to cum, baby. Let me make you feel good. Shit, yeah, squeeze my fingers just like that.”

“I-I can’t hold it!” 

“Cum right now or I’ll stop fucking you.”

As if a dam’s protective guard had shattered into a million pieces, Sunghoon’s command tips you over the edge and you release around his fingers. Your mind feels dizzy with the nonstop pleasure he’s been giving you and the way his fingers reach the deepest parts within you the more he angles himself on top of your body. His soft praises of a job well done sink into your chest the more he speaks. The sight of his toned biceps moving with every pass of your pussy makes you clench and push your orgasm out around his fingers. Sunghoon smiles wickedly at your mound the more you cream around his fingers and only stops pumping himself when your pussy squeezes him out. He brings his hand to his mouth and wraps them around his digits. 

“Mm,” he hums, closing his eyes and letting his shoulders drop. You peek at his lap and see his fully hardened cock tenting in his pants. The impressive size stares back at you like it’s daring you to take a peek. Sunghoon licks his fingers clean and catches you staring at his dick when he opens his eyes, but your lustful gaze only fuels his arousal. He leaks in his boxers and feels the precum soak the fabric. 

“You taste so fucking good.”

“Really?” Sunghoon grips your legs gently and settles them back down onto the mattress, soothing your sore thighs with his palms as he lightly massages your skin. He bends down to lick you one more time.

“Best pussy I’ve ever tasted. I could die between your legs.” 

“Sunghoon.” 

“I’m being serious.” 

He watches your hole when he pulls his pants and boxers down below his balls until his cock springs out and bounces in your presence. He’s big and girthy, just like you’d imagined the first time you saw the outline of his dick in his pants one morning. Sunghoon wraps his palm around his length and gives himself an experimental squeeze, hissing at the warm contact before tilting his head to spit on the head before stroking himself. The wet sound makes your core jolt in excitement. He watches you looking at him with your bottom lip caught between your teeth with an expression so determined that it makes him laugh from above you. 

“Eager for me?” You look up but you don’t answer him. “I’m always so fucking hard for you but I didn’t want to scare you away. You wore this long black dress that made your body look like sin a while back. I think about what your ass looked like in that dress from time to time.” 

Your brows furrow in confusion. “I haven’t worn that dress in so long…that was before we met.”

“Yeah,” he confesses, twisting his wrist against himself before pinching the tip. “Thought you were cute back then.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He stops stroking himself and kicks off the rest of his clothing before settling back between your stomach and cups your jawline with his hand. The way he looks at you is pure and nearly cliché, like the two of you might as well be the lead roles in a romance film. His warm, brown eyes bore into yours and you can’t say you don’t love it when he looks at you like this. 

“I didn’t want to get too attached to anything or anyone because I knew I had to go back home. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t do anything unless something gave me a reason to talk to you, and then we ran into each other with Jake’s ugly sweater.” 

You cheeks head up. “I forgot about that.” 

He kisses your lips once. “You looked so cute in it.”

“I look atrocious, Hoonie. It’s okay, it’s called an ugly sweater for a reason.”

“You could wear a trash bag and make it look fashionable.” 

“That’s a bit of a stretch, but I appreciate your faith in me.” Sunghoon kisses the tip of your nose. When he moves, you feel his bare cock resting against your folds and push your hips to meet him. His cock slots between them and Sunghoon hums when you grind against him, holding one of your hips steady. 

“Make me wet, baby.” Sunghoon kisses your jawline and his wet lips leave a cool trail on your skin the more you grind against him. “Make my cock wet enough to fuck you.” 

“Shit, shit…”

“Feels good, yeah?”

“So good,” you whisper. He kisses just beneath your earlobe and puckers his lips until he sucks the skin underneath. The tip of his cock catches your clit with every other pass and Sunghoon drinks up your moans like it’s water. 

“You’re gonna be a good girl and let me stick it in, right? You want my cock just as badly as I want your pussy, don’t you?” 

“You’re so fucking good at this.” He chuckles and his warm breath against your ear makes you shiver.

“Good at what, babe?”

“Talking. Touching me, fuck…everything.”

He drags his nose across your neck to the other side. “You deserve to feel good. You’ve been running around all over Seoul with no one to take care of you but me.” 

“Can’t believe I want you this much.” Without disrupting the position, Sunghoon reaches between your bodies and angles his cock until it breaches your hole with just his tip. It pulls a gasp out of you and Sunghoon lifts his head to watch your face morph in pleasure with your mouth open slightly ajar and eyes almost squinting in disbelief. 

“You don't even know the half of it. I want all of you all the time.” He pushes another inch inside of you. “I want to mold your pussy to the shape of my cock to the point that nobody else can fuck you as good as I can.” 

You grip onto his biceps. “F-Fuck.”

“I want to be the only person you look for. I don’t care how long it takes me to come back, but I’m not leaving you behind. I want you. Only you.” 

The feeling you get when you’re with him makes your chest feel tight with love and admiration the more Sunghoon looks at you like you’re the object of his affection, as if you’re something he cannot live without. You didn’t know that love could feel like an accumulation of every happy memory replaying in your head simultaneously. This newfound overwhelming sensation makes you feel like there isn’t anything you can’t face, as long as you face them with Sunghoon. 

He, on the other hand, finally understands why people talk about finding a home within another person. He’d never given second thought to romance when he knew that his life was planned out for him since he was born and never once thought that he’d get to make decisions on his own about his feelings when his entire livelihood is surrounded by order and duty. But here you are, lying so beautiful underneath him like a mosaic built from colorful stained glass with the sun peeking through it. You look like a dream with your face so pretty the more he pushes into you until he’s buried himself to his full capacity. 

Neither of you have ever had sex like this, so pure and raw with your bodies in tune with one another. It feels like the two of you exist beyond space and time with the way your breathing intensifies the more Sunghoon pulls out from you just to push right back inside. The intensity that permeates around his bedroom makes your breath run short and it fuels Sunghoon to keep a slow and steady rhythm, allowing his cock to reach the deepest parts within you without pushing you too fast. The whole affair is erotic and what can only be described as lovemaking. Sunghoon watches your eyes squeeze shut below him and brings a hand to push the stray hair away from your face. He thinks the two of you must’ve been fated in every universe for him to find, because there is not a single person he could ever imagine loving more than you. 

“I’ll fuck you every single day if you let me,” Sunghoon mutters against your neck. He pulls his body up and places both palms on either side of your body before rolling his hips back. The new angle pushes him in a way that makes you moan loudly. 

“Fuck, Sunghoon.” 

“My baby’s so fucking pretty when she’s filled with my cock. Do you love this as much as I do?” 

“Yes!”

“Do you love me as much as I love you?”

You don’t hesitate to answer him. 

“I love you. I want you here forever.” 

“I can give you forever. I swear on it.” 

He pistons his hips until the audible sound of his pelvis smacking against yours becomes the loudest sound in the room. His balls slap against your ass when you wrap your legs around his waist until he drops to his elbows to catch you and squeeze your body when you clench around him. He tucks himself into your neck and his forehead feels warm and sweaty to the touch, but you can’t say that you don’t love how much he’s putting his body–and yours–through the ringer just to make you cum as many times as he possibly can. 

None of this feels real. Sunghoon might as well be a figment of your imagination because it seemed impossible for sex to feel as good as he’s making you feel. All of your concerns about the future don’t exist when he’s bringing you closer and closer to your second orgasm. He, too, pushes all of his unwanted thoughts away in favor of helping you chase your release. Sunghoon’s determined to show you just how much he loves you by any means possible, and if his words of conviction won’t do him justice, he hopes his body will. 

It’s uncanny the way you feel completely safe around Sunghoon, when no one else has ever made you close to feeling the way you do with you. You’re able to break right before his very eyes and pick yourself off of the floor without feeling ashamed to have insecure and unwanted feelings about love and your attitude surrounding happenstances. You live your life based on the principle that everything happens for a reason and that people come and go but lessons will always stick with you. The people who live as ghosts in your past serve as reminders of painful memories and people who were never supposed to be here for very long, and you pray to the Heavens that Sunghoon is somebody meant to be in your life until forever comes to an end. 

Sunghoon holds himself off until he feels you unravel around him by the way you cling onto his body and clench around his cock. He brings his lips to yours and roughly pushes against your swollen ones when he feels you coming undone and allows himself to follow your lead. His cum fills you with thick, white ropes and oozes out from around him when your pussy can’t hold it in anymore. Sunghoon slows his pace down the more you try to catch your breath in an attempt to help you ride out your orgasm without overwhelming you too much. The squelches keep him semi-hard and your lips taste exactly like his favorite memory. 

“My good girl,” he whispers. “So sexy when you cum.” 

“You’re one to talk. You look like fucking Adonis right now.” 

Sunghoon laughs and kisses your forehead. “You flatter me too much.” 

“Nuh uh. I’m telling you the truth. It’s a little unfair how you always look so good, even when you aren’t trying.” 

“You’re one to talk.” He kisses your lips. “You always look so…cute.”

“Just cute?” 

“Pretty, too.” 

“Only pretty?” Sungoon smacks your outer thigh. 

“You are very beautiful and I’m enamored with you.” 

That makes you blush. “Hoon.” 

“What? Can’t a guy proclaim his love anymore?” 

Sunghoon’s body is warm against yours and he looks down at you with a fond smile in a way you always hoped somebody would. His dark eyes feel warm from above you and something about the way he’s watching you doesn’t make you feel observed. Rather, you feel a blooming warmth within your chest and nuzzle into his touch when he brings his hand to cup your face and rub the apple of your cheek. Sunghoon is gentle with his touch and you find it unbelievable that he’s managed to squeeze his way into your comfort zone as successfully as he had. You love his touch. You crave it, even.

His smile widens when you kiss the underside of his hand with a sweet peck and tilts his head in amusement. You feel bashful when Sunghoon looks at you like this because it feels reminiscent of having a crush in your childhood years, but with him, you can’t find that you dislike the way that you feel. His palm is warm and comforting, especially after spending so much time putting your body through physical rigor in ways you’ve never experienced. His strength never ceases to impress you and the nights you’ve spent picturing yourself underneath him suddenly have merit to them now. 

You find yourself breaking your own character when you lift your head up to push Sunghoon’s lips against yours and his response is immediate. Sunghoon’s plush lips melt right into yours and he slots himself against you like he was always supposed to be there, letting your head lie against the bed while his arm holds your waist. Everything about Sunghoon makes you wonder if love is supposed to feel like a quiet hug amidst a rainstorm, or if it’s supposed to feel like the crescendo in a brilliant symphonic masterpiece. Perhaps it’s a combination of both or none at all. These deep feelings you have for him have never been brought out by anyone before him. 

Sunghoon must know what you’re thinking because his hand travels up your body and back to your hair, gently scraping your scalp with his blunt fingertips. It feels so good to be loved and doted on like this without feeling like you don’t deserve to find an ounce of happiness with somebody who tells you they love you. Years of running away from the feeling of a comfortable embrace melts away with every second that passes with your lips on Sunghoon’s. He feels like every bit of home you’ve spent your whole life yearning for. 

“What are you thinking about?” His question pulls you out of your thoughts and you can’t find it in you to lie to him. 

“Is it selfish that I want you to stay?” 

“No, it’s not. I don’t want to leave Seoul either. I don’t want to leave you.”

“It feels like I just got you but now I have to let you go.”

He kisses you. “You don’t have to let me go. I’ll do whatever it takes to convince my parents to let me live the life that I want. Our trip to your hometown made me realize there’s more to life than people’s expectations of me.”  

You bottom lip quivers. “I’m scared that they won’t budge and that you’ll leave. I’m scared that you’re going to move on and leave me here thinking about you.” 

“I’d never.” He shakes his head like it’s a fact. “I could never forget you. I would never even think about moving on from you. I’m scared that somebody’s gonna snatch you up when I’m away.” 

“I’m really in love with you, unfortunately.” Sunghoon nips at your lip and cherishes the way you laugh. He looks away from you for a split second but the soothing touch of his hand feels comforting. He watches you frown for a minute. “I didn’t get you a present.”

“Baby, you’re my present.”

“That was really corny.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” He kisses you once more. “You’re too important for me to give up. I don’t want to let you go.” 

Somehow, you know he’s telling the truth. 

“Does this mean I’m your boyfriend now?”

“You have to ask.”

“Can I be your boyfriend?” 

You silence him with a kiss and when he feels you smiling against him, he has his answer. 

****

comments and reblogs are appreciated! :) x

[rbfclassy]

THE SESSION! — CHOSO KAMO

SYNOPSIS...you open up to your best friend about how difficult it is for you to have an orgasm, but he takes it as an opportunity to help and make the night only about you after your horrible past experiences

INFO...best friend!choso x fem!reader, reader finds it embarrassing to talk about not being able to cum, pussy eating, spit, praise, oral (f receiving), fingering, handholding, not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

You and Choso sat on his couch, watching the movie that played on the tv screen, digging into the bowl of popcorn that sat comfortable between the two of you. It was a basically tradition for you guys to have a movie night together at least twice a month, gives you opportunity to catch up with each other and hang out without having your schedules clash. A scene in particular made you cringe, an unnecessary sex scene which most of these movies always have—adding nothing to the plot. With the roll of your eyes, you hear chuckle from Choso and quickly look over at him to see he was laughing you. “What?” Your furrow your brows in confusion.

He shakes his head. “Nothing,” he responds, immediately going back to watching the movie with his arms folded across his chest, head leaned back against the couch. With narrow eyes, you stare at him for a seconds before looking back at the screen, the sex scene still ongoing. The woman always looked like she was having the time of her life, eyes fluttering shut, scratching at the guys back and what not.

“I don’t get why they portray sex like this in the movies, I mean, one minute in and the girl is already creaming her damn pants. So unrealistic,” you scoff. Choso side eyed you, watching as you complained, but he picked up the remote and paused the movie. “What are you doing? Press play.”

He completely ignored you, turning his body halfway towards you so that he was able to see you better. “What do you mean unrealistic?” He questioned, placing down the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table along with the remote.

“I don’t know, it just looks so forced? It’s a movie, so what do you expect? Anyway, press play.” You adjust in your seat, bringing your knees up to your chest. Though, he didn’t move a muscle and continued to stare at you. Slowly, you turned your head towards him. “May I help you?”

“You think that looks forced and fake?” Choso asks with a laugh, pointing at the screen.

“Yeah, the guy never does foreplay, never focuses on the girl, they just get their nut and go. Plus, it never even feels good enough to have an orgasm.” You shrug.

Choso looks at you in surprise, mouth nearly dropping open. “Sounds like to me you’ve been with sleeping with some shitty dudes.”

“Okay, well, yeah!” You huff. “You know what? I’m gonna stop talking because I’m not trying to embarrass myself, so please press play!” You smiled at him.

“Come on, tell me! I’m your best friend! You know everything about me!” He argued.

“No, it’s embarrassing.” You shook your head at him, avoiding eye contact.

“Please! You know everything about my sex life! I wanna hear about these shitty guys you’ve been sleeping with, sounds entertaining,” he laughed.

“You tell me about your sex life regardless of what I say, so I don’t wanna hear it,” you chuckle. “Plus, these stories are not entertaining at all.”

Choso crawled up closer to you on the couch. “Please! I’ll do anything! I’ll buy you your favorite snacks for a whole month! I’ll put gas in your car for the month! I’ll cook your favorite food! Anything!” He was begging, your words having caught his interest.

“Cho, leave it alone! I said it was embarrassing, okay? It’s not even about the guys, it’s mostly about me,” you trail off, voice getting quiet.

“Oh.” He blinked. “It’s serious.” He sat close to you.

Finally, you look over at him, bored expression on your face. “It’s not serious, it’s something I have difficulty with and the guys I slept with really didn’t seem to even care or try. They just wanted to fuck just to say they fucked,” you explained, looking at him.

“If you’re afraid I’m gonna make fun of you, I promise I won’t.” He gave you a half smile.

“Pinky promise?” You asked, holding out your pinky.

“Pinky promise.” He interlocked his pinky with yours, tugging on it gently before letting go. “Now, tell me.”

You cleared your throat, getting comfortable in the position you were before you began to speak, “so, the truth is that I have a hard time having orgasms. That’s literally it. And the guys I slept with weren’t so big on the whole foreplay and putting a woman’s pleasure first, and I’m starting to realize that I just have horrible luck when it comes to sleeping with men because that’s not normal,” you awkwardly laugh, looking at your best friend. “Basically, a guy has never made me cum. There, I said it.”

Choso stared at you like a deer in headlights, unsure of what to even say. He never thought that would be the thing to come out of your mouth. He actually thought it was something embarrassing, but it wasn’t. “Wait, so…have you ever made yourself cum?” He asked with a timid voice.

“Like twice, but most of the time I can’t. It’s super frustrating and it takes the pleasure out of it. It sucks knowing that other girls can cum so quick and easy and have guys that worship the ground they walk on, you know?” You slightly frowned. “This is so stupid! I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.” The embarrassment kicked in, feeling Choso burn a hole in your face with his stare. You didn’t dare look at him, afraid that he might actually laugh. But when you went to reach for the remote, his hand grabbed at your wrist and stopped you.

“Look at me,” he demanded, voice soft and gentle. He pulled you closer to him and as he did so, your brain felt like it completely stopped working. You had zero clue on what he was doing, but that look in his eyes…he’s never looked at you like that before. Would it be wrong of you to say that you felt nervous and little hot and bothered? “Maybe you just need someone who makes you feel comfortable, relaxed.”

You let out a soft chuckle, “like a boyfriend?” You asked, pulling your wrist away from his grip.

“No…a best friend,” he spoke. Your eyes fluttered up to his before quickly averting your gaze. “Don’t get all shy now, you just told me one of your biggest secrets. Thats what best friends are for, right? Help each other out, tell each other all of our secrets. Or maybe I’ve just been dying to know how you taste all these years. Would you be okay with that? Would you be okay with me making you feel good, hm?”

“Cho…I don’t wanna disappoint you—”

“Disappoint me? Why because you’re afraid you won’t cum? That’s okay, just let yourself feel good, I wanna be the one to make you feel good whether you cum or not. Okay?” You nodded your head at him, biting on the inside of your cheek as you watched him get off of the couch and sink down to his knees in front of you. You thickly swallowed as he stared up at you, his fingers finding the band of your shorts before gently pulling at them. “Don’t be nervous, tonight is about you.” He tossed your shorts on the other side of the couch, leaving you only in your panties.

His hands caressed your thighs, squeezing them, leaving a trail of wet kisses down your inner thighs. “Have I ever told you how much I love your thighs?” He looked up at you with a smirk, placing another kiss on your skin. You shook your head no. “Mmm, well now you know.” He dipped his head further towards your clothed cunt, licking at it just to tease you. Your breath shuddered at the sensation. "Relax, okay?" He gave you a soft smile.

Your heart began beating faster the closer his hands got to the elastic band of your underwear. Slightly lifting your hips, you allowed him to slip the fabric over your legs, moving down your ankles before he tossed them to the floor. You grew nervous and self conscious, clenching your legs shut. Choso has been your best friend for years, but neither of you have never been this intimate with each other before. The most you two ever did was hug. Sure, you shared secrets with each other and basically knew everything going on in your lives, nothing was too much to share between you two. Though, this was an entirely different thing.

He could sense your nervousness and hesitation, sucking in a deep breath as he stared at you with low eyes. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he reassured.

"No, no, I do...it's just we've never talked about this or done anything like this before." You blinked.

He let out a breathy chuckle, smirking up at you. "I never took you to be the shy type."

"Shush!" You brought your hands up to cover your face.

"I'm messing with you," he laughed. "Now, spread your legs and let me see how pretty she is. Pretty please." He reached his hand up to yours, removing them from your face so he could take a look at you. Slowly, you began to spread your legs for him and Choso's eyes seemed to light up in awe, staring down at your cunt like he was a kid in a candy store. "Oh my god," he said under his breath. He reached his thumb up to your clit, slowly rubbing it with light pressure as he watched your hole clench around nothing. "Look at me," he ordered. "I don't want you to think about cumming, I just want you to think about how good it feels, you understand?" You nodded in silence, teeth sinking into your lower lip.

A gasp left your lips when you felt the flat of his tongue rest against your clit. His arms wrapped around your legs, pulling your hips closer to his face as he nestled between your legs. His tongue circled around your clit in a slow motion that made your hips jolt. You tried to conceal your little whimpers, but it was getting hard to with the way he was suckling on your clit.

He let out an audible moan, looking up at you through thick lashes as messily spit onto your cunt, letting it dribble down to your hole. The tip of his tongue licking at your folds. He lapped up your juices, breathing heavily before he came up for air, the lower half of his face glistening with you. "Fuck, you taste so good." He flashed a smile at you, diving right back in between your legs.

Your hips bucked against his face, the feeling of warm tongue moving up and down your cunt, teasing your hole, it felt so good. The tip of his tongue began moving in figure eight motions across your clit, sending chills up your spine. You held back your moans, covering your hand with your mouth as you indulged in the pleasure, letting it take over your mind and body. Your eyes fluttered shut, head falling back against the couch.

Choso took notice of your shyness, reaching up to, once again, remove your hand from your face, taking your hand and his and intertwining your fingers. "I wanna hear all the pretty noises you make." He placed a gentle kiss on your swollen clit, squeezing your hand. "How you feeling, hm?"

"Good...it feels good," you breathed out, nodding your head.

"That's what I like to hear. Don't worry about anything else." He rubbed the pad of thumb over your knuckles. He gave you one last look before his eyes averted to your cunt, sucking in a breath before he began sucking on your clit again. He took it upon himself remove his arm from around your leg, his ring and middle finger prodding at your entrance, easily slipping them in.

"Cho," you moaned, jaw slack. He let out a throaty groan, pleased to hear how good he was making you feel. His eyes landed on you again, watching your face contort with pleasure, brown furrowed and eyes dark with lust. His fingers began moving in and out of your sopping hole, slightly curled as he aimed for your g-spot. He wasn't trying to make you cum, he was just trying to make you feel good, let you have an enjoyable experience for once after hearing about all the shitty guys you've been with.

They didn't deserve you, to see you like this, feel you. Choso couldn't be more flattered that you'd let him do this for you. If he had known about this sooner, he would've taken initiative right then and there. All you deserve is the best, to be worshipped like you want and he was here to do that whenever you needed. He pumped his fingers faster, the thought of how those other men treated you were starting to get under his skin.

"Ah! Fuck!" You were panting heavily, chest moving up and down rapidly. Your pussy was making lewd sounds, juices coating his fingers. You squeezed his hand tightly, a whimper leaving your throat as his tongue swirled over the sensitive bud.

"You're doing such a good job for me," he muttered against your skin, kissing your inner thighs. You grew needy as his slowly dragged his fingers against your gummy walls. "Oh," he chuckled, "your pussy is clenching around my fingers. So needy."

"Please, just wanna feel your tongue again," you begged. "You make me feel so good, Cho." Your eyes were filled with desperation, moving your hips against his hand for more friction. Impatient, your hand gripped onto his hair, pushing his head back down to where you needed him most. He let out a deep chuckle, tongue diving between your folds, slurping your juices and spitting them back onto your cunt. Choso grew hungry, feral, wanting to see your eyes roll back.

Your body was coated in a light sheen of sweat, goosebumps littered your skin, and it felt like you couldn't think straight. "Yes! Yes!" You moaned, biting down on your lip so hard you were sure it was going to bleed. "Cho," you called out, whimpering.

"What is it, pretty?" His fingers kept working at you, watching the way your body writhed above him. "Tell me." His voice was soft.

"I think you're gonna make me cum," you choked out, legs slightly shaking with pointed toes.

"Remember what I said, don't think about it, just let it happen." He kept his fingers at the same pace, tongue going back to lap at your clit again. Your little gasps and whimpers told Choso all he needed to know. You were so close. And as much as he'd love to see you cum, he wasn't going to force it upon you, so he kept doing the same thing he was doing just minutes ago. The grip on his hair grew tighter as you got closer and closer to your orgasm.

The feeling and experience was such a rare thing that each time, you came super hard. Your thighs clenched around his head. "Shit! Im cumming! I'm cum-oh my god!" Your entire body began shaking as your orgasm took over, eyes rolling into the back of your head. Choso let out a satisfied moan, tasting you on his tongue, licking up your juices, not daring to waste a drop.

He lifted his head to take a good look at you, seeing the fucked out look on your face brought him joy. "Hey, relax, it's okay," he reassured, rubbing your thighs to soothe you. He could see your body was still slightly quivering. "You're okay." He got up from his knees, sitting back down on the couch as he held you in his arms, kissing the top of your head.

"Jesus, Cho," you giggled, out of breath. "Thank you."

"You don't gotta thank me for nothing." He grabbed your jaw, making you look up at him. "Next time you feel like this, you come to me, not anyone else. Promise?" He stared at you, his cheeks flushed a bright red.

"Promise.

[leighsartworks216]

One More Chapter

Sylus x gn!Reader

This is the shorter of two fics I want to get out tonight, but it makes me really soft. Just imagine his really deep, quiet voice speaking in a low rumble.

Warnings: teasing, pet names, fluff

Word Count: 623

Main Masterlist

Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

“How many more times will you yawn before you finally go to bed?” Sylus mused, turning a page in his book. “Let’s count, shall we?”

You sigh. If there’s one thing Sylus excelled at, it was finding the perfect way to prod at your nerves. Unfortunately, you were too drained to snap back.

The page scratches uncomfortably as you flip it, shooting uncomfortable goosebumps down your arm. “Once I finish this chapter, I’ll go to bed.”

He hummed nonchalantly. “This wouldn’t happen to be the same chapter you were on the last time you made that promise, now, would it?”

You glared at him over the edge of your book. He knew very well it wasn’t. It’s not your fault the last chapter left on a cliffhanger. You just needed to find out what happened next, and then you could go to bed! Just one more chapter-

You covered your mouth with your hand to stifle your yawn.

“One.”

You grab the sides of your book with more force than necessary and bury your face in its pages. The words were a little blurry, forcing you to strain more to read them. Sentences were slower to process, especially when it came to deciphering how they connected to the plot. Who did and said what got mixed up more times than you want to admit. But you got through a page through sheer determination to spite the Onychinus leader.

“Two.”

Every time he spoke, you bristled. And yet every time you looked up at him, he couldn’t seem to be bothered to take any interest in you, engrossed in his own book. You wouldn’t be surprised if it was a novel on unique torture methods.

By the time Sylus counted to five, you couldn’t read the words anymore. Your vision was fuzzy no matter how many times you rubbed your eyes. Even if you could glimpse a word or two, the synapses in your brain couldn’t even begin to conceive of registering them.

A hand grabbed the book, thumb resting at the center of the pages as it was removed from your grasp. You couldn’t even think of snatching it back. The piece of paper you were using as a bookmark was picked up by another hand and slipped into your story, safely marking your place, before it was shut.

With nothing to distract yourself, your exhaustion caught up with you in an instant. Your body sagged into the sofa, eyes closing even as you fought to open them again.

“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you to bed.”

Strong arms slipped under your knees and behind your back, lifting you effortlessly from the plush cushions. The movement startled you, rocketing your tired brain into a panic as you grabbed onto him. His arms tipped you further into his chest, your head landing solidly against his shoulder. The quick beating of his heart resonated in your ear.

“I won’t drop you.”

You watched him carry you through the halls of the mansion, counting the bars on the handrail as he began ascending the stairs. You sighed as you curled up further into Sylus’s arms, letting your eyes fall shut once more. “You better not…”

He chuckled. You felt it in your own chest.

The next moments are a haze. You remember the welcome embrace of a bed. Cool sheets, warm blankets, all holding you in a big hug. Your body had a mind of its own as it stretched out, toes pointing and back arching, before curling into a ball. When you reached out blindly, unsure yourself what you could be reaching for, a soft plushie made its way into your arms.

A warm hand brushed your hair back from your face. “Sleep tight, kitten.”

[scottiexmariee]

Gullible

Characters: Sylus, MCReader (Luke and Kieran mentioned)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, Slightly suggestive, Sylus’ fav nickname

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: After making a bet with Luke and Kieran, you sneak into Sylus’ room to locate an object. Unfortunately, you find out later on that it may have been a trick...

Masterlist

Note: This is slightly inspired by Midnight Stealth, but does not have the same plot. I wanted to include how Luke & Kieran are devious little instigators and pushing our favorite ship.

“Can I help you with something?”

Shit.

You froze at the unmistakable sound of Sylus’ voice sounding out from behind you. You’d snuck into his room while he was away, rummaging through every nook, cranny and drawer you could find. Your target? A dime-sized purple gem that Sylus apparently kept around here somewhere.

Why? Because Luke and Kieran bet you that you wouldn’t be able to find it. Did it sound like complete bullshit? Absolutely. However, a bet was made, and you���d be damned if you didn’t actually try to win that bet.

“Nothing!” You responded, quickly slamming the drawer of his nightstand shut and whirling around to face him. There was no reasonable way to pretend you weren’t just digging through all of Sylus’ personal items, but you were definitely going to try.

“Really? Nothing?” He drawled, taking a purposefully slow step forward. “Because it seems to me that a certain kitten is in here causing trouble,”

Great. Of course you’d get busted. You glanced toward the clock, realizing that you’d lost track of time during your search. Realistically, you should have dipped a half an hour ago. You looked back to Sylus. He stood there, arms folded across his chest as he inspected you, clearly waiting for some kind of bullshit excuse or lie. He raised an eyebrow, silently urging you to speak. His silence was eerie, and his overall presence was authoritative. Demanding. You took a breath, attempting to steel your nerves before you spoke.

“I misplaced the brooch. I was looking for it,” You lied.

Silence.

Sylus blinked a few times. After a moment, the corner of his lips curled up into a smirk. He took another step forward, giving you a skeptical once-over. “You lost the brooch?” He asked, a hint of mirth in his tone. It sounded more like a statement than a question.

You swallowed, attempting to battle the sudden dryness in your throat. “Mhmm. It’s gone,”

“Interesting,” Sylus responded, taking yet another deliberate step forward. He maintained eye contact as he came to a stop about two feet away. “Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you somehow lost the brooch I gave you…so you’re in my room looking for it. Is that correct?”

It sounded even worse coming out of his mouth. There was absolutely zero chance that he was buying it, and you quickly realized that it would be better to cut your losses and escape before this got messier.

“Well, the good news is that it wasn’t here!” You chirped. You mentally cringed at how awkward your voice sounded. You were undoubtedly blushing from the embarrassment, and you most definitely looked guilty as hell. “So, uh…I’ll just be on my way, then.”

“I don’t think so,” He chuckled, catching your wrist with ease and completely extinguishing your hope for a swift escape. Bastard. He pulled you slightly closer, leaning down to get closer to eye-level. If your cheeks weren’t red before, they definitely were now. He studied your face, his crimson eyes piercing right through you. “Would you like to try that again with a better lie?”

It felt like you’d been punched in the gut. “W-what?” You stammered out, trying to play it off. Truthfully, you weren’t surprised. That man wasn’t an idiot, and you’d given him a very lame excuse. “I don’t know what you’re–”

“I thought I’ve told you to get better at lying if you want to fool me,” He said, grabbing your chin with his free hand. His tone was almost….mocking. He dropped your chin and began fiddling with your shirt.

The noise that left your mouth could only be described as a startled squeak. “What the hell are you–”

You were cut off by Sylus lifting his hand in front of your face. Nestled between two of his fingers was a black and red object that gleamed in the light. “Next time, make sure you aren’t wearing the object you claimed to have lost,”

Oh.

Before you could fully process what was happening, you were being guided toward the door.

“I can explain-”

“Not interested,” He said curtly. “Leave. I have things to do,”

When the door shut behind you, you stood there like a scolded dog with its tail between its legs. Out of all the possible bad endings, getting caught red-handed by Sylus and then telling the worst lie imaginable was probably the worst ending.

You realized that you very quickly needed to come up with a different approach.

—

After two more failed attempts to search for the elusive purple gem, you decided a friendlier approach would be worth a shot. You took a steadying breath outside of the door to Sylus’ room, your fingers tightening around the neck of the ‘peace offering’ Luke and Kieran had given you. They had insisted upon a peace offering and given you a bottle of an alcohol that you couldn’t even pronounce the name of. “He won’t be able to resist!” Kieran had insisted–so you’d taken the bottle as a last ditch attempt to not lose that stupid bet. The significance of the gem meant nothing to you, but losing that bet would cost you your ego, and that was a price you weren’t willing to pay.

Knock, knock.

“Sylus? It’s (y/n),”

There was a pause, and for a moment you weren’t sure if he was going to acknowledge you, until the door swung open just enough for you to enter. You could see the remnants of a black and red mist dissipating from around the handle. Sylus’ commanding voice rang out from somewhere across the threshold, “Enter.” Based on his tone, he wasn’t in the mood for games.

You entered and quietly shut the door behind you. Sylus was at his desk, eyes glued to some papers in his hand. He made no attempt to look at you when you entered.

You quietly closed the distance to his desk, raising the hand that contained the mysterious alcohol, brandishing it as if it were a trophy. You cleared your throat and gestured to it with your free hand.

Sylus finally lifted his head, his eyes immediately landing on the bottle in your hand.

“A peace offering,” You explained, setting the bottle down in front of him.

There were several long moments where Sylus didn’t say anything. He slowly looked at the bottle, then you, then back to the bottle. “Kitten,” He said, raising an eyebrow. “Where exactly did you get this?” His eyes settled on you, and the unmistakable amusement was clear.

Why does he think this is funny? Does he not like this stuff?

“Um…do you not like–”

“Can you even read what this says?” He questioned, spinning the bottle to face you. That signature, infuriating smirk was back on his face. “Because if I didn’t know any better, I would think this was a little…suggestive for a peace offering,”

You froze.

Suggestive?

You snagged the bottle off of the desk, desperately scanning the bottle and trying to make sense of the words. Sylus leaned back in his chair, looking like he was having the time of his life at your expense.

For some reason, the thought of admitting that it had come from Luke and Kieran hadn’t crossed your mind yet.

“Okay, fine,” You grumbled, feeling a familiar frustration well up in your chest. This was a very common feeling around a man like Sylus. “I don’t know what it is, I just thought maybe it would work as a peace offering,”

Sylus let out a huff of air. “Peace offering,” He echoed, rubbing his chin. He seemed to be fighting off a smile. “I don’t think an aphrodisiac beverage is going to get you the ‘peaceful’ results you’re searching for,”

“What?!” You brought the bottle even closer, as if that was somehow going to make you understand the language. “Where does it–”

“That’s a pomegranate and honey infused liquor,” Sylus explained, staring holes through you. “That, kitten, is an aphrodisiac. Are you sure you’d like to use that as a ‘peace offering?’”

Gears began slowly clicking into place as you realized what was happening.

You had been completely, 100% set up by Luke and Kieran. And you were certain that they were having the time of their lives as they waited to hear exactly how this had gone.

“Those two!!! I swear!!” You groaned in frustration, sinking down into the chair across from the desk and running a hand through your hair.

You were going to throttle them after this. Better yet, you were going to strangle them both.

Suddenly, another thought occurred to you.

“Sylus,” You began, “You don’t happen to have a small purple gem around here anywhere, do you?”

You raised your head to look at him. He furrowed his brows, studying you carefully before answering. “I don’t. Why? Would you like one?”

Your palm connected with your forehead.

Yep, you’d been absolutely had.

Sylus, upon your reaction, seemed to connect the dots. He pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and sighed, looking at you with an expression that was much softer than the previous one. “You’re so gullible, kitten,” He said, shaking his head. He rose from the desk and walked around to the front of it.

You were suddenly lifted from the chair and placed on the desk, eliciting a startled gasp from you. He placed his palms on the desk on both sides of you, effectively boxing you in.

“Ground rule,” He began, his tone serious. “You can ask me anything. Anything. Instead of making yourself look like a fool, ask me first to spare yourself the trouble. I have nothing to keep from you. Understood?”

You nodded, feeling a blush creep onto your cheeks. Whether it was from the embarrassment or his proximity, you weren’t sure.

Sylus brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Now. Tell me what those two sent you on a hunt for,” He said, maintaining eye contact.

“A small purple gem,” You responded, averting your eyes. “They bet me that I couldn’t find it,”

Sylus rose, folding his arms over his chest and, thankfully, giving you room to breathe. He looked thoughtful.

“Let’s go,” He said, motioning for you to follow, leaving no room for protest.

You hopped down from the desk, and you were certain you had visible question marks above your head. Where was he taking you?

Sylus, sensing your confusion, chuckled. That infuriating smirk had returned.

“I said I didn’t have a gem like the one you described,” He said, giving you a once-over. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t know where to acquire one,”

You felt your eyebrows shoot up. He was going to help you?

He turned and began walking toward the door, once again beckoning for you to follow.

“Sylus, wait! Why are you helping me all of the sudden?” You asked, quickening your pace to catch up with him.

This time, when he turned to face you, he had a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. “Games get a lot more fun when I’m involved. And the look on someone’s face when they lose a bet they weren’t expecting to lose…is worth the price of a measly purple gem,”

Note: Updated the formatting for this with new banners, will be sticking with this format from here forward! This was my first official fic. Thank you for interacting! :D

[pit-and-the-pen]

I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 2

Sorry this update took a little longer, I had some personal stuff going on and my work schedule was pretty packed this week.

Also, this is a fix-it fic. It'll be following the events of the whole series so buckle in y'all. Also also, I shit on Tamlin a lot in these next chapters but it has a purpose I promise!

Chapter warnings: Warnings: Mention of abuse/ trauma, one comment about weight in terms of said said abuse , minor blood

WC: 9.6K

Read the previous parts here

[prologue] [chapter 1]

Next Part [here]

“Rhys is the most handsome High Lord.” I read line after line of similar words. I rolled my eyes at my brother's antics. 

“He’s sure laying it on thick.” I say as I sat down next to Feyre. She looks up from her writing and gives me a guarded laugh. 

“At least I’m entertaining.” She huffs out. 

“I can help you too, if you want. Give you a break from him.” She raises her eyebrow at me, studying me with a look that made me want to sink in on myself. 

“Why?” She asks sharply  

I willed my temper down. “Because despite what Tamlin might tell you, we’re not evil,” I spit out at her, she doesn’t flinch even slightly at the venom in my voice. “And you’re going to be here once a month for the foreseeable future. I’d like us to at least tolerate each other. Plus, it would piss off my brother.” Her eyes shone with mischief.

“You should have started with that.” And that was that. I pushed Rhys’ papers to the side and picked out a few books that had been my favorite. The plots are interesting enough to make up for the basic words used. Feyre caught on fairly easily. She could recognize almost all of the basic words but struggled to read them out loud. Not fully understanding how the sounds mashed together. We sat and read, and then when that got to be too much for her we just started talking. It was nothing deep, not really gossip either. Just casual words thrown back and forth until she asks out of the blue. “What’s the deal with Tamlin and Rhys?” I froze into stillness only fae possessed. Sensing my discomfort she backtracked. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.” Her voice held a little edge of fear. I forced my shoulders to relax. 

“No, you have every right to ask. It’s…complicated. You’re walking into centuries old distrust and unfortunately, are caught in the middle.” It wasn’t fair to her to be caught in all of this old shit. That was our baggage and I could see it was affecting her but she pressed on.

“But why do they hate each other so much?”

“I’m not the best person to ask.” She narrowed her eyes at my non-answer. I sighed. “We’ve both done some terrible things to each other's courts, the wounds run deep and that’s all I’ll tell you.”

“Why?” She would not let up. 

“Because you love Tamlin. And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to ruin whatever picture you have of him.” That really seemed to pique her curiosity. 

“You had a different experience with him?” It felt like she had punched me in the stomach. No. That’s the problem, I had the exact same experience with him and I ended up just as broken as I can see you’re becoming. 

“That’s not a story for today.” I tried to keep the shake out of my voice and maybe it was that, or the fear I know I couldn’t keep off of my face that made her drop the subject with a small, “okay”. 

It was lunch time before we decided to take a break.  “Do you want to eat here or go out with the others?” 

“Rhys will just pull me out if I don’t.” 

“My brother can fuck off. What do you want to do?” I saw a ghost of a smile twitch across her face. So we ate in the library. I left only long enough to stack up two plates full of food. Rhys took in the amount of food I was grabbing, 

“Hungry today?” I only stuck my tongue out at him and walked back out of the room. 

Rhys joined us a little after lunch. If he was surprised to still see me in here, he didn’t let it show. I didn’t leave until Feyre told me she was okay with me doing so. 

It was probably overkill to be so protective of her, Rhys was the last person who would ever try to hurt her or anything like that but she was still uneasy around him. She hid it well with the sheer disdain she showed him but I could tell from the rigidness of her shoulders and that slight edge in her voice. But there was also something else there that I couldn’t put my finger on. 

Feyre had stayed in the library long after their meeting. I found her hunched over another book, finger slowly tracing over the words. She hardly looked up as I placed another plate of food in front of her and went to walk out of the room. She didn’t call after me and I was okay with that. Scared she might start another round of questions. 

I didn’t see much of her after that. So I traveled back and forth between Velaris. Spending half my time at the manor and the other half actually doing my job as researcher. I really didn’t have to work but it gave me something to fill up my days. Before Amarantha I spent most of my time helping Cassian manage the Illyrians, from the background of course. Being the High Lords sister did not save me from their views on females. So I only showed up when necessary, Azriel and Cassian always following behind me. They learned fast enough to keep their tongues in check if they wanted to keep them in their mouths. 

Currently I was looking at old maps of Prythian. Combining through records for landscapes and t river patterns. Where the boundaries have shifted over time. And then came the daunting task of trying to pick out recountings of the old war. Figuring out who does best with what court. Prepping for the outcome we were all dreading, another war with Hybern. 

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to get from these books.” Cassian said, absently flipping through the large leather bound book I had just placed to the side. 

“Anything. Weakness, strengths, strategies, gods, anything.” I said leaning back. I knew I had to take a break, when I closed my eyes I could still see the words swirling in the blackness behind my eyelids. I took a deep breath and went to look at the giant map I had covered my desk with. Pins and markers to recount every movement during the last war. 

“Do you really think that it’s going to help?” I know he wasn’t trying to be rude. His voice was soft when he asked and my shoulders sunk in slightly. 

“I don’t know. But if it does…” He nodded in understanding. Azriel knocked lightly on the door, making both Cas and I jump. He had learned to knock now after he had to dodge out of the way of the book I had launched at him last week. I still haven't reaccustomed myself to how quiet his footsteps could be. A skill I had once prided myself on, I had even been able to pick up on those silent footsteps and find him before he wanted to be seen. 

“Just wanted to remind you two to eat.” He looked at the books strewn across the table, taking note of the one Cassian was still flipping through, playing with truly. “I know how you can get when you’re focused. Time for food.” He smiled at the shy look I gave him from being called out. Many times he had to drag me out of my office when I really got into something. His smile made me think he was remembering those times too. 

“If we go, will you two stop making eyes at each other?” Cassian spoke up, making me break away from Azriel’s stare. 

“We were not.” I responded, trying to tame the blush in my cheeks. Get it together. I told myself as I forced myself to turn to Cas. His eye roll was the only answer I got. Azriel had already started walking down the hall and I slapped Cassian on the arm.

“You’re so annoying sometimes Cas.”

“And you love me for it.” He gave me a loud, wet peck on the cheek and gave a full head-thrown-back laugh when I made a big show of wiping it off. 

I didn't return to the other house that night. Opting to stay with my friends. One of whom, Cassian, had gone into the wine cellar and returned with his arms almost full of the expensive bottles. I just laughed as he shot me a wink. I blew him a kiss back as I settled down on the couch besides Mor. 

We didn’t bother getting glasses, passing the bottles around while we talked about absolutely nothing, acting like we had during our teenage years. It was later in the night before Rhys appeared in the living room. He took one look at all of us and rolled his eyes before he swiped the bottle out of my hand and brought it to his lips. 

Mor and I were fully supporting each other's weight on the couch, I couldn’t tell who was leaning against who more but our giggles started to get louder and more frequent. She whispered to me so quietly I had to strain to hear her. “Stop staring at him.” And we fell into another fit of giggles.

She was right though, everytime Azriel talked I could feel how my eyes stayed locked on him. Reminding myself to breathe when he pulled the bottle to his lips. I pushed off of Mor and went to stand up, wobbling slightly as my feet touched the ground. Azriel made a move like he was going to catch me if I took a face first dive on the carpet but when I steadied myself, he moved back. It happened so fast I wonder if I imagined it.

“I think it’s bedtime.” I said, mouth feeling mushy as the words came out. Mor laughed again and I turned to face her and gave her a rude gesture. I offered that same hand to pull her up to her feet and she pouted before taking it. Everyone seemed to get the hint that it was late so all of us in our various drunken states started the climb up the stairs to our rooms. Good nights thrown through the hallways, Cassian all but screaming it to make sure Mor and I heard him. The sound made us flinch before laughing again as I closed the door to my room. 

---------------------

Before I knew it Feyre’s week was officially up. She had demanded to be brought back home and I fought down the biting comments I wanted to make as Rhys agreed. I stepped besides the pair and she looked over to me for a brief second before pretending that neither of us existed. 

“You don’t have to come with me. Rhys spoke into my mind and replied with a shake of my head. I could do this for Feyre. Despite every part of my body screaming at me for bringing her back to the Spring court, if she could be brave then so could I. He sighed at my stubbornness but knew that there was no changing my mind. 

We weren’t going far. Simply dropping her at the border of spring and summer and making sure she got into the manor. I could manage that. Yet as we were getting ready to winnow in, I felt my hands go clammy. I remember me saying I’ll never go back there willingly.

The smell was the first thing that hit me. The overwhelming floral scent. I could smell the roses from the outside of the manor this far away, their sheer number coating the air with a smell that threatened to suffocate me on the spot. 

“Goodbye, Feyre.” She had already started walking before he finished speaking, not sparing so much as a glance back to us. So we stood and watched her retreating figure until those wooden doors closed behind her. That was that. 

We didn’t return to Hewn city, instead winnowing outside the townhome. 

Rhys didn’t stay to greet our friends. Instead, he all but ran up the stairs to either go to his study or his room. Everyone gave me a tentative look before I shrugged and sprawled out on the couch besides Azriel. 

He didn’t try to pull away from me. Instead, he lifted his hands from their spot on his lap. His way of telling me I could place my legs up so I didn’t have to sit awkwardly to avoid his wings. I did and I ignored how happy that little gesture made me. Over the last few weeks he seemed to be able to handle being around me again.

Cassian started rapid firing questions at me. What is she like? She threw what at Rhys? Anything for scraps of what their brother's mate was actually like. Sure they had gotten the story of her trials but this was different, getting to know who she actually was. Cassian seemed pleased to know she was still just as head strong. “Maybe someone will finally humble him a little.” He chuckled 

 Rhys spoke up as he entered the room. “Who’s humbling who?” He picked at an invisible piece of lint on his shoulder. The only sign of how upset sending Feyre back had made him. 

Cassian didn’t answer but instead asked “Did she really throw a shoe at you?” He laughed when Rhys shot me a dirty look. Answering the question for him. “I want to meet her.” Cassian said and I swore he was almost pouting. 

Rhys sighed, “And have you scare her off.” Cassian looked hurt so Rhys added, “Let her get more adjusted to me before we add all of this into the mix. Besides, she cannot see Velaris. Not when…” not when she came back to Tamlin. Not when she could still spill every little secret of ours to one of our biggest enemies. 

Cas looked like he wanted to argue but only said “Princess gets to see her.” 

“Because I have a winning personality.” I smiled at him and he launched one of the small pillows from his chair at me. I managed to deflect it but as it bounced off my arm it hit Azriel square in the face. I bit down my laughter at his faux outraged face. He threw it back and before I knew it, they were yelling at each other, well Cas was yelling and Azriel was trying his hardest not to laugh.Sensing a fight was emanate, I pushed off of Azriel and spoke loudly over the two Illyrian males. 

“Outside if you’re going to fight.” Even Armen, who had stalked into the room around as Rhys laughed at that. 

Cassian turned to me, his temper still flaring. “We’re not dogs.” 

“Last time you both fought in the house, I was cleaning up glass for a week.” I raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to say otherwise. 

Azriel spared Cassian from having to respond. “C’mon.” He said, pulling Cassian to what I could only assume was the training ring. 

“I forgot how much you look like Rhys when you get bossy.” Cassian said as he was pulled from the room. And my responding gesture made the rest of the room go up in laughs. Rhys followed them out. Probably needing to get rid of his own tension and Armen had snuck back into the research room. 

I didn’t have it in me to just stare at maps all day long, regardless of knowing how much I needed to. So I just stayed in the living room, a random book from the shelf pulled onto my lap. 

Rhys came back first, hair only slightly disheveled, wings out proudly. “Once I get out of the bath, it’s time for your training.” I huffed and he could sense I was about to argue with him. “Cassian and Azriel told me you can’t use your powers.” Traitors. “So we’re going to figure out what the hel is wrong.” 

Less than an hour later I was sitting in Rhys’ study. A small candle flickering in front of me, taunting me to snuff it out. I pulled and pulled for any of the small dark tendrils to do so but found nothing. Sweat was beginning to form on my brow with how hard I was concentrating. 

Rhys huffed in frustration at my lack of progress. “It was easier teaching Feyre to read.” 

“Then by all means, go back to that. I’d love to see her throw another shoe at you.” I bit back at him and he just rolled his eyes. 

“Try again.” He went right back to business, ignoring my statement. I really did try. I Have been trying. That rich darkness that normally lingered under my skin seemed like it was hidden behind a wall. Just out of my grasp, so close I could almost taste it, almost touch it. I yelped as I reached out towards it. Pain flickering through my body as if it had burned me. Rhys’ hand on my shoulder snapped me out of whatever had happened. Sweat broke across my skin and I flinched as I felt my magic fight against the wall inside my head. 

“What’s happening?” I spoke to my brother. He just stared at me before I felt a phantom knock at my mental shields. I forced them open and almost screamed at the pain that flooded through me. I knew the moment he found it. Felt that sickening thread of magic that never released when the spell broke for the other high lords. Rhys’ presence in my head retreated and we could only look at each other. No words to be found between us. 

“Fuck.” The first word he uttered and I somehow found it in myself to laugh. 

“That bad?” 

“Good news is there’s not a physical block. No magic stopping you.” So why did he still look like death froze over? “Bad news, you’re the block.” 

“Go on?” 

“I don’t fully know but it looks like your magic is being tied up by your own magic.” 

“So, you’re saying. I’m the problem?”

“I’ve been saying that your whole life but yes, especially in this case.” He teased, trying to lighten the new tension in the air. I bite 

“Well then that simply means you’re going to be stuck with me a lot more. That or I go to Helion.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of the other high lord, one who has been trying for the last few centuries to get me into his bed. 

“Maybe.” shit. It must be serious if he’s actually willing to let Helion help. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.” He says solemnly and points back to the candle. I stare at him for a moment before sighing and trying to cover the light again. 

We sit as I try again and again and again. Nothing besides a small puff of black smoke to let us know that I’m even trying. Right as I’m about to say something I see Rhys flinch and his eyes flare with anger. Only not at me, his eyes look far away as that anger homes in on whatever must have made his shoulders tense. 

I see his eyes come back into focus and I don’t even have to ask before he’s spilling. “He hurt her.” I don’t need him to say who. “I can tell it’s nothing serious but I got nothing but pure fear from her.” Rhys had already explained that the bargain amplified the usual effects of the mating bond. That he could sometimes get whiffs of any strong emotion from Feyre. Fear, anger, mostly fear but as her nightmares have started to fade I haven't heard much about it. My stomach curls and I try to will my hands to not shake as my mind drifts to the endless possibilities of what could have happened. 

“It’ll be okay. She’s strong.” The words felt wrong in my mouth and Rhys said the very thing I had been thinking.

“You were strong.” 

“Well you can’t very well march in there and get her.” I saw the look on his face. “You can’t, we can’t. And she still doesn’t want us. Unless it feels like that first time…” He shook his head. So not as bad. Still bad, still awful enough for her to send fear down the bond but not bad enough that Rhys could only hear her screaming for someone to get her out of there. So we both let it go, ignored the thoughts that told every part of us to go help this girl from whatever Tamlin was inflicting. But even I knew that Tamlin’s anger comes from his love. That anger so wrapped in fear that something will happen that he almost wills those incidents into existence. 

We spend hours trying to break whatever block is in my head until I’m grumpy and all but biting his head off at every little comment he makes. He bites right back at me and I know there's no point in this anymore, both of us too on edge to do anything productive. Throwing his hands up in surrender he doesn’t stop me as I storm out of his study. I run head first into Azriel on my way to my room, his hands resting on my arms so I don’t topple over. 

“Training went that well.” He says with a small chuckle. The noise sends a low growl from my throat and he takes his hands off of me. “We’ll figure this out.” He says and I continue my path to my room, not staying long enough to see the concern in his eyes. 

I was still grumpy by the time that dinner rolled around but I managed to pull myself out of bed. My head is pounding from the strain and whatever Rhys did inside my mind. I throw on the first thing I find, still in my thin nightgown I pulled on after my bath, and head down to dinner. I don’t say much and not even Cassian tries to cheer me up, all he does is remind me that I’m joining them for training in the morning. I don’t respond with anything other than stabbing the chicken on my plate with extra force. 

---------------------

I struck the center of the dummy and looked over for Cassian for any semblance of approval. He gave me a bored look and I stomped over to the stupid thing and pulled all three of the daggers out of it. Cas wanted me to get back up to snuff with long range before he put a sword in my hand again. I had never needed the sword that I kept strapped to my back on the missions I would accompany Azriel on, always having my powers to stop anyone from getting that close in the first place. Between Azriel shadows and my blanket of darkness, very rarely did we ever need anything more than truth teller. 

I grunted in frustration as the sharp metal flew through my fingers time after time, all of them hitting the center of the target. 

“Fuck this Cas, I did the warm ups, I did the exercises. Let me fight.” I needed to do something more than this. If I couldn’t use my powers, if they never came back, I needed to be useful. In no world would I just sit around and let my friends risk death while I sat around playing with my maps. Cassian must have heard the desperation in my voice because he agreed. 

We circled each other and I got a rare glimpse of Cassian with no restraint. This was the war general that scared people just by being on the battlefield. I tried not to let the frision of fear show as he surveyed every inch of me, seemingly reading my body language like I was screaming my next moves at him. I didn’t stand a chance. His fist made contact with my nose before I could turn out of the way and I fell to the ground. My hand went up and when I pulled it back, my fingers were sticky with my blood. Cassian was instantly in front of me, mumbling out apologies. I held up my hand to stop him from talking. 

“Cassian.” A stern voice called out as I ran my hand along my nose again, feeling for any breaks. “What did you do to her?” Azriel’s voice was full of concern as he knelt besides Cassian. 

“Alright bat brains. I’m not dying,” I started to stand up and they both reached out their hands to help me up, I swatted them away and brushed off the dust on my pants. “It’s not the first time I’ve been too slow before, and it’s not going to be the last.” They both stared at me and I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I still have to beat you Cas.” He shook his head laughing and Azriel shot him a glare. 

Cassian, never one to back down from a challenge, and never one to miss an opportunity to piss off Azriel, agreed to go back into the ring with me. He coached me through it this time, slowing down his punches to explain how to predict them and block them. All things that I knew but just needed more practice. By the end of the hour I was covered in sweat but I was able to block him without his guidance. Azriel didn’t leave either, hanging back to watch, adding his own little tips and tricks to help me get some advantage over Cassian but I still couldn’t get him to budge an inch. 

“Do you want to get in with her then?” Cassian shouted to Azriel as he continued to assist me from the side lines. I made a motion for Cassian to stop as I tried to catch my breath. Placing my hands on my knees and sucking in screaming breaths. 

“I think I’m done.” I panted out.

“If you wanted me to make you breathless princess, all you had to do was ask.” He winked and tossed a canteen full of water over to me. I drank half of it in one long gulp and forced myself to stand up straight. My muscles were already crying out in protest. Tomorrow was going to suck for sure. 

The three of us walked back up to the house, laughing and joking and I felt proud of the progress I was making. Even if the dried blood still on my hands might have suggested otherwise. 

---------------------

A month went by so fast, I had to tick off the days to make sure I was right.I woke up to Rhys preparing to collect Feyre from the spring court again. Rhys didn’t ask me to go with him this time, after that last flood of emotions he knew he would have a hard time containing himself let alone both of us. 

I was already waiting at the house for when they got back, ready to play mediator if need be. They had barely materialized before my brother was fussing over Feyre. The two bickered back and forth but from the way she looked over herself, I knew even she could hear the worry in his voice. She had lost more weight since the last time she had been here. The shadows under her eyes creeped back onto her pale skin. “Eat breakfast with me.” He said and I shifted from my place in the living room. Mor was somewhere in the house after her visit to the Court of Nightmares yesterday. Probably still decompressing with the bottle of wine she took with her to bed. 

I gave Feyre a small smile and she didn’t return it, but she didn’t glare at me either. It’s a step at least. The female in front of me gave a heavy sigh after weighing Rhys offer. The growl I heard come from her stomach seemed to make the decision for her. I didn’t follow them, if she had wanted me to I would have been able to tell. So I stayed close enough that I could swoop in and save her from my brother's overprotectiveness if need be. The glimpses of their conversation I caught weren’t the best but I stilled completely as I caught, 

“I was tortured, beaten and fucked until only I could tell myself who I was, what I was protecting. Please- help me keep that from happening again. To Prythian.” My heart ached at the words. He had had it so much worse than I did, regardless of what people might believe. I could see it on his face during some of his bad days, the scars of what Amarantha did to him. I didn’t listen to her response as I walked to my room. 

I found Feyre the next day as I had the last time, hunched over the table with more lines from Rhys to read. She was copying them in better handwriting than she had before. When I approached she didn’t so much as look up at me. I called her name gently and still nothing. So I took that as my sign to let her be. Rhys had gotten called to the war camps later that day. 

“Just look after her please. I know she’s fine but let me know if either of you need anything.” He blabbered as I all but pushed him out the door. 

“We’ll be fine, you overprotective mother hen.” His face fell slightly and I couldn’t stand that look on his face. “I’ll let you know if she needs anything, okay? Now go be a High Lord.” I saw a hint of a smile as he winnowed out of the house. 

I tried to stay out of her way. Whatever bit of goodwill she had allowed me last time seemingly disappeared. So I kept bringing her books when she ran out of the ones Rhys had given her, brought her food and left her to her own devices. Today, she didn’t give me a glare as I sat down in the armchair on her left. I opened my own book without giving her a second glance. The small hmph she made was the only indication she had even noticed my presence. She didn’t want to talk and quite frankly, neither did I, perfectly content with getting lost in our own books. 

It was around midday and the sun was just starting to peek through the heavy curtains of the library when I felt Rhys appear in the room. In his hands were trays of food which he presented to Feyre. A small thank you left her lips and I wanted to smack that smug look on Rhys face as he teased her. But then I saw his face get serious and I suddenly felt very much like I was intruding on a private moment. “Tell me how I can help you.” His voice was scratchy and I knew he was trying to hold back tears, to keep the conversation casual enough that she wouldn’t shut him out again. I truly did try to tune them out but these were the same things I had been wanting to say to her all week but couldn’t find the strength. 

“If you fall apart then the bitch wins. All of that is for nothing and she wins.” Rhys said plainly and Feyre flinched before going back to her book. I could tell that she was talking to him in her mind. My eyes grew wide when I saw that slight layer of frost cover the book cover. Rhys barely had time to dodge said book as it was thrown right at his head. It bounced harmlessly to the floor and I stifled a laugh. The laugh died in my throat when I saw the flicker of flames in her palms and I tried to reach my mind out to Rhys, he all but threw me out. 

Feyre and Rhys left later that day. I didn’t offer to come with, didn’t want to come with. Just like last time when Rhys returned to Velaris, he stalked to his office and hid out for the rest of the evening. I only got close enough to the door to leave a plate of food outside before retreating back to my side of the house. His emotions pouring through the door were enough to give me a headache, the way it felt like I was walking into a brick wall. I didn’t try to talk to him for the rest of the day. Instead choosing to pull my attention back to the map in my study. 

I had been neglecting it to focus on Feyre and Rhys but I knew it’s just because I wasn’t getting anywhere. No matter how many books I read, I couldn’t think of anything that would help us win this war. Not without all seven courts working together and I knew Hel would freeze over before that ever happened. 

So I read until my eyes became blurry and heavy. My head had gotten so heavy like the words were getting stuck and wouldn’t leave. When I felt my eyes starting to close and knocking on the door jostled me awake. I saw the shadows before I saw him, too tired to notice that they had time to take in my current state and report back to Az. 

“You should take a break.” He said as he went to pull up a chair at the table I was sitting at. 

“I can’t take a break when I haven’t found anything yet.” I whined at him. “I’m supposed to be good at this, I am good at this. Or at least I was.” I slumped in my chair and I saw that familiar look of concern flash through his warm amber eyes. He sat there, I could almost see the gears in his brain turning, his shadows starting to swirl around the floor like soothing waves. I stared at them and felt my mind calm slightly. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, wings flapping behind him. 

We just sat there in silence for a few moments and then he stood up suddenly. My eyes tracked the movement, following his arm as he extended a hand to me. It was like my brain short circuited at the gesture. He had to clear his throat before I snapped out of it and I timidly placed my hand in his. He led me out of my office and I felt his shadows on my heels. “Where are we going?” I laughed at how ridiculous this must look, one of the fiercest Illyrian warriors towing someone behind him like an excited kid. 

“Just be quiet. You’ll know when we get there.” His own voice full of an almost giddy excitement. So I let him pull me along. All the way outside until it clicked. There was a little patch of grass beside the Sidra that I loved to sit by when the weather was just starting to turn warm. Our little group used to spend free days out on that field, just soaking in the warmth. He gave me a proud smirk when we finally reached that stretch of grass. “Now, you’re going to sit and just enjoy being out here.”

“Is that an order?” I teased and he didn’t miss a beat. 

“If that means you’ll actually do it, then yes.” I sat and looked out over the river. The lights and sounds of the city walk could just trickle in, becoming a lovely hum in the back of my mind. I patted the spot next to me and Azriel sat beside me. I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. Just looking at the city I loved so much. We didn’t talk, Azriel was always good for that. He knew when I needed the quiet. The sound of the small waves helped clear my head and after a while I felt my shoulders sink down, the tension lightening. It was still there of course but became more manageable as I could smell the water and Azriel’s pine and fresh air scent. It wrapped its way around me and held me like my favorite blanket. 

“Thank you.” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. We didn’t look at each other, still staring out at the city just ahead. 

“Of course. Anything for you,” He cleared his throat, “For one of my friends.” I bit down the string at that little word. I fought the urge to put some distance between us at the feeling that flooded me. The cruel reminder of just exactly how he saw me. So I just pulled my legs in tighter and ignored all the thoughts of him that began to take over. 

We didn’t head back to the house until sundown. The pair of us walked under the flickering faelights that lined the streets. It still blows my mind how much the city changed while I was gone. I told him that much. And he shrugged off the tiny complement. 

“Rhys and I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you all did while we were…gone.” My voice felt tight as I finished, “You kept our home safe when we couldn’t.” He turned to look at me and went to say something but stopped himself. His face looked slightly pained, in that concerned way he always managed. He shook his head slightly. 

“You did more than we ever could. You and Rhys gave us a chance to have something to protect in the first place.” In his words, I was pulled back to that night when it had all gone to shit. How Cassian and Azriel were out dealing with the camps and how I couldn’t convince Rhys not to go so I insisted that I come along. I had to beg him to let me come with him and he still wasn’t happy about it. We walked right into a trap and before most of his power had been ripped away from him he wiped the memory of Velaris from everyone who was under the mountain and let our friends know what was happening, how they couldn’t come after us without leaving Velaris unguarded. 

Azriel’s small nudge to my shoulder pulled me back to the present and his eyes asked the question before he needed to. 

“I’m okay.” But I felt how my arms had wrapped around myself but he didn’t say anything about it, letting me have my space. We reached the house again and I could hear Cassian and Mor’s voices floating down the hallway. The sound alone plastered a smile on my face. Azriel followed behind me as I rounded the corner and Cassian all but cheered when he saw me. “There you are princess, we went to pull you out of your study but it seems someone beat us to it.” He gave me a small wink and I laughed at the joke behind it. I shook my head as I sat down next to Mor who was already pouring me a glass of wine. 

Rhys spoke to me across the table, “I peaked in and saw the map, tomorrow if you’re up for it I want all of us to go over it.” I nodded and he smiled at me. And we all ate and joked and I left the love I felt for the people in the room washed over me like the waves in the Sidra. 

---------------------

“So if it comes down to war. Who do we have?” Rhys turned to Cassian and myself. We were all sitting around the map I had been working on, face grim as I explained the various markings. 

“The Illyrians don’t have a choice. The court of nightmares should. We kept up pretty well with Dawn and Day. Winter…” His voice trailed off. I still remember Kallias’ face as the news broke of the attack on Winter. The thousands of babes dead by Amarantha’s hand. The pure loathing his face held as he looked at Rhys. 

“I can talk to them.” I had always liked Kallias. And from the little bit I’ve heard since our return home, he finally married Viviane after being friends since childhood. Viviane was sweet and her, Mor and I had been known to get ourselves in trouble when together. If she would listen, Winter would come around. 

“Autumn and Spring are lost causes.” Cassian sighed beside me, slumping down in his chair. 

“Tamlin is delusional enough to think it would keep him safe.” And keep Feyre safe. But I didn’t say that outloud. “Beron is…well Beron. Unless we think we can pursue one of the brothers to take him out of the equation, I think it’s better to not plan for them.” 

“Summer?” Rhys asked pointedly ignoring Cas’ words on the other seasonal courts. 

“Tarquin is new and young. He’ll side with the majority. But I think I could talk to him and at least see where his loyalties lie.” I had only talked to the new high lord a few times during our time under the mountain. He seemed nice enough, one of the few people who was even willing to talk to me at all. No fear of the role I had been forced into and hoped he would side with us. Hoped his newness wouldn’t scare him into the easy choice.” 

“I don’t like the idea of having two courts fighting against us.” Azriel finally spoke up. I had almost forgotten he was in the room but his shadow currently sitting at my feet should have been reminder enough. “Hybern has the armies he needs and if he has the cauldron….” 

“So what do you suggest?” My brother asked, head in his hands. 

“We talk to them. Let them know that we won’t win this if we’re not unified. Remind them that we fought a war once to avoid this very thing and some courts were on the wrong side of history then and would be now.” I spoke plainly, it was the only answer. If it had been anyone else the idea would have been shot down. But Rhys just let out a heavy breath and nodded. 

“We’ll wait until we’re sure. Some courts will refuse to believe there will be a war until it’s staring them in the face.” The tone in Rhys’ voice letting us know this meeting was over. We all stayed in the room, the same exhausted look sat on our faces. “Good work.” Rhys said to me as he studied the map again. “You got all of this from books?” I had been too young to remember most of the war, let alone fight in it. But at least someone had thought it smart to recount all of it in very exact detail, I just managed to translate to current day Prythian. Rhys was silently nodding to himself as he really studied the map. The others slowly filter out of the room, leaving Rhys and I alone studying the map. 

“And these?” He pointed to the orange marks I had drawn all over. 

“Trade agreement routes, the thicker the line, the more movement there is through that path. They would be the most vulnerable areas since people know them so well. They’re also normally the quickest way between courts.” I pointed out more of the lines and pins. I had so much marked off, down to what ways the rivers flowed and where their currents changed. Rhys just drank in all the information I threw at him, only nodding along to the explanations. I was about to start on another part of the map before I saw his face freeze. 

Rhys had completely stilled besides me. That all-too-familiar far-away look on his. When I raised my eyebrow at him, “What is it? Is it…” He didn’t wait for me to finish, instead he let me into his mind and I almost flinched at whatever feeling Feyre was sending him. The crushing agony and pure terror. It was a feeling I knew all too well. These weren't the few stray glimpses Feyre had sent him while they were separated. This was the very thing all of us were holding our breath for, hoping it never happened. 

“Rhys we can’t just ignore it this time.” I spoke, already leaving the table. His hand wrapped around my wrist, making me pause. 

“If you storm in there, Tamlin has every right to declare a war.” 

“And we’ll have every right to kill his sorry ass. Something that we could have done decades ago.” I spit back at my brother. 

“Please.” His voice shook with fear. Scared for Feyre and maybe for me. I put my hands up in surrender. I couldn’t argue against the tone in his voice. 

“So how do you want to do this then?” I asked him and we started planning. 

In less than 10 minutes Mor had winnowed right on the border of spring and summer. Rhys had insisted that she come along to help. Her status would help blanket us from any repercussions. Plus her powers would come in handy if any of the guards found us. So her and I snuck into that manor I had sworn I would never see again. Do it for Feyre. Be brave for her. I said to myself as my own terror rose to a fever pitch. 

I could see the darkness already pouring out of the house. My anger quickly turned into fear. What did he do to her? The voice in my head screamed. Rhys had already broken the wards and whatever was locking her inside the house. Mor knocked out the guards before they could spot us. When we finally entered the house my blood ran cold. Sitting in a ball of inky darkness was Feyre. Her screams pierced something deep inside of me. I looked around and locked eyes with Alis. Her eyes wide as she took in my face. 

“He locked her in the house. I tried to…Please just keep her safe.” Was all the older fae had said to me. 

My heart warmed at the concern in her voice. The same concern she had once shown me. I nodded and walked towards Feyre. Whatever darkness she was wielding seemed to only be for her and as I shook her shoulder, gently saying her name they retreated slightly. I looked over to Mor who only gave me a small nod. Taking her cue, I picked up the shaking female and was startled by how light she felt. Mor spoke up from beside me. “Your guards are going to have a hell of a headache when they wake up.” 

Alis nodded in understanding and I added. “Don’t tell him where we took her. Please.” And for a second I felt just as broken as the female in my arms. I knew she would tell him, and would have to tell him but a small part of me wished she wouldn’t. But that was unfair to expect of her. It reminded me too much of the same hope I had when I left. Face sunken in and heart broken as I begged her to not tell Tamlin I was leaving. No one was there to help me and I’ll be damned if Feyre ever felt that pain. I didn’t say another word as Mor winnowed us right in front of the border. It felt like I could finally breathe again as the scent shifted to ripe fruit and salt water that marked us as safe. Marked us in summer. Feyre shifted in my arms and mumbled something softly. 

Mor soothed a hand through her hair. “You’re free.” 

Rhys quickly scoped Feyre from my arms without so much as a word. He looked at Mor and I 

“We did everything by the book.” Rhys nodded before I felt the air whoosh around my ears and I knew we had made it home. Rhys deftly climbed the stairs to take Feyre to her room and I just stood staring at my brother back. I blocked out the memories that began to rise to the surface. The scar on my arm prickled and when my other hand raised to scratch at the angry white lines that trailed down my forearm, Mors hand wrapped against mine. Grounding me in the present. 

“She’s free.” She repeated to me. 

“Thank the mother.” I responded as I started to climb the stairs suddenly bone tired. 

Feyre didn’t emerge from her room that night or the next morning. More than once I found myself standing outside her door, hand held up to knock but some part of my brain told me not to. Rhys hasn't left her side the whole time she was asleep. Whatever magic she had used in the house had exhausted her and I felt my heart pang for her. How alone she must have felt, how scared she must have been to be locked in that house. I remember my simple panic the first time I went to the basement of the townhouse. How it transported me back to under the mountain, I couldn’t imagine how it felt to be locked away again.  

When I finally did see her, she seemed to have gotten a little color back. Enough so that she was able to argue with Rhys again. I didn’t linger this time to hear the fight, letting them duke it out in private. But as Rhys turned the corner, I knew something that happened. Something important. 

”We’re going home.” 

If someone had told me two months ago that Feyre would be standing in the living room of our home in Velaris I would have probably keeled over laughing. But here we were, Feyre’s eyes flickering from spot to spot in the house. I couldn’t get a read on her face but before I could even process that, I heard a pounding on the door. Cassian’s voice filtering through the wood, already complaining. Rhys shot me a look that said deal with them please. He tried to hide it but I could tell he was waiting for Feyre’s reaction to her surroundings. A hint of anything to gauge how she was feeling. He needed her to like this place like he needed to breathe. So I excused myself from the room and slipped out the front door. 

”Are you serious Cas?”

”I want to meet her. She’s right there, my brothers m-” I cut him off, blocking both him and Azriel from trying to peek into the house. They could easily push right past me but stayed a healthy distance. 

”Do not finish that sentence. Do you want all of Velaris to know?” I whispered screamed at him and he rolled his eyes.

”I promise you drama queen, no one’s up this early. I don’t want to be up this early.” 

After a few minutes of us bickering back and forth, Rhys opened the door and said to us, “Are you all just going to stand there?” 

Cassian all but trampled me trying to get in the house. I laughed when I saw his crestfallen face as he noticed Feyre was no longer in the room. “She was here right?” He spoke to the room. 

”Maybe she’s scared of your good looks Cas, can’t have her falling in love with the wrong Illyrian bastard now can we?” I shot Rhys a wink and he growled lightly. 

”She’ll meet you when she’s ready.” Was all he said before he rangled all of us into the dining room. 

Feyre slept for the rest of the morning. She came down the stairs dressed in Night Court clothes and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The way they seemed to compliment her well enough and I had to bite my tongue to prevent me from pointing that out. Rhys met her at the door and shot me a vulgar gesture at my sugary sweet, “Be safe kids.” That I called out from my spot on the couch. I sat on the couch until the sun started to set. I had just got to the good part and debated even going to the dinner at all but I was dying to see how Feyre would handle our crazy family. If she had any chance at surviving here, she needed to like them or they would drive her crazy. Although from Cassian’s earlier words that might be the case either way. So I groaned and pulled myself off the couch, pulling on the first thing that I saw and winnowed with Mor to the front steps of the house. 

Azriel and Cassian were waiting to fly us up. Cassian wrapped his arm around Mor’s waist and Azriel did the same to me. I hardly felt my feet leave the ground before he was already placing me down in front of the door. I had not had the heart to come here since I’ve been home. Too many memories for me to want to come alone and Mor grabbed my hand as she pulled me through the threshold. We had just settled in before I heard the faint trails of Rhys and Feyre voices outside the door. I couldn’t stop the two males from bounding to the door, they flung it open to reveal a very annoyed looking Rhys. I held my breath as she stood in the doorway, eyes searching for something and she landed on me. She squared her shoulders but Cassian was already speaking.

”I promise we won't bite.” 

Last I heard, Cassian, no one has taken you up on that offer.” And I laughed as Feyre’s face blanched. I didn’t miss the way the female's eyes raked over the Illyrians as they stepped into the light. I tried not the bristle as her eyes lingered on Azriel just a fraction longer than I would have liked. Rhys introduced the two and it was Feyres response to one of his questions that made me feel a frision of pride. 

”How the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?” She would fit right in and Cassian’s booming laugh told me that very same thing. Armen had appeared almost out of thin air as we all made our way to the table. 

Feyre was slowly filled in about how the three brothers had met. Her eyes flickered to me during the story. 

”Where do you fit into all of this, besides being his sister.” She quickly added. Everyone seemed to be waiting for me to answer. 

”I mean there's not much else to it besides that. He got stuck with them so I did too. I nearly knocked Cassian's teeth in the first time I met him and I’ve been stuck with them ever since.” I stuck my tongue out at Cassian who rolled his eyes. 

”You mean you broke your fist trying to, princess. I had to nurse you back to health and you were helpless but to fall for my charm.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I fought the urge to throw my bread across the table at him. If it wasn't for Feyre I would have. The rest of the stories and tales flowed out and, much to Feyre’s credit, she didn’t falter in the slightest. She interjected at the perfect moments, making jokes that had everyone roaring with laughter. Then the tables were turned onto her and Cassian was asking her about her life. After she had finished she turned to Rhys.

’I accept your offer- to work with you.” And I wanted to scream and cheer. I felt no such joy from Rhys as he started.

”Good because we start tomorrow. Hybern is starting this war and he’s going to bring back Jurian to help him.” I felt a shiver run down my back. Rhys had neglected to tell me that part. In an instant the lighthearted conversation was thrown to the side and Cassian launched into full general mode.

 I tried my best to keep up with this new bit of information, how it would throw a wrench into any attempts of a plan. I missed the conversation that followed, mind already trying to figure out the adjustments I would need to make to the map in my office. Armen managed to snap me out of my thinking. 

”The Bone Carver might indeed be willing to talk to her.” She pointed a finger at Feyre and I went to argue against the ancient female. Rhy had beaten me to it. 

”Your choice, always your choice, Feyre.” and I tried to keep the fear off my face as she answered. 

”How bad could it be.” Cassians’ answer had her face pale as a ghost and it was clear dinner was over at that moment. The others reduced to arguing over the semantics and who would be doing what in preparation for their journey to the prison. My eyes suddenly felt very heavy at the sounds of their voices. Azriel’s gentle hand on my shoulder was the sign that the arguing had stopped at all. I didn’t need to be asked a second time and as he flew me back down to the ground below Velaris, I wondered if all of us would make it through the war a second time.

Next Chapter: Here

Taglist: @durgenyx @tothestarsandwhateverend @quinzzelx

[onlymingyus]

7PM

pairing; boo seungkwan, lee seokmin (dk/dokyeom), kwon soonyoung (hoshi) x afab reader

genre; smut, fluff, crack

warnings; unprotected sex, anal sex, fingering (vaginally and anally), oral (f & m receiving and giving), impact play, biting/marking, scratching, praise/degradation, some mention of crying from pleasure, creampie (several times), multiple orgasms, pet names/nicknames, drinking/eating, alcohol, spicy truth or dare, pining, aftercare, honestly some poly themes

w/c; 11k and some change

requested; no

'bout you master list

a/n; thank you to @housewifehui and @wonwussy for being the literal best and editing/reading for me. ngl this ended up being longer than i thought it would be but its a lot of people in the same room and i've put a lot of feelings into fics lately, i don't like rushing things. i hope you all are enjoying that, a little less pwp and a bit more porn with plot.

“Truth or Dare?” 

The words leave your lips as a giggle, your body resting against Dokyeom’s as he shakes his head lifting his hand for Soonyoung to hand him another beer.  He might be more on the side of drunk at this point but he couldn’t miss the way his body reacted to the feeling of your warm breath against his bare bicep. 

“Only if you actually accept some dares this time, Y/N.” 

You laugh again, your hand grabbing Dokyeom’s forearm so you could use his body to sit up a bit straighter to look at Boo Seungkwan. “I’ll have you know Boo, ‘truth’ can be just as interesting but yes…I will accept some dares. I swear it on…” The three men watch you glance around until you meet Soonyoung, who smirks at you. 

“I swear it on, Soonyoung’s favorite tiger plushie. I might even give it back one day.” 

Soonyoung narrows his eyes, tipping back a shot of tequila at your words before pointing at you. “I’ll just steal him back, you are a dirty little thief. I knew he was here.” As much as he wanted to pretend to be mad at you, Soonyoung can’t help but go soft when you laugh, shrugging your shoulders and causing one side of your sweater to slip down your arm. 

“You wouldn’t dare, I sleep with him every night, Soonie. I need him almost as much as I need you three.” 

You had no idea how your words affected the men sitting near you. While Seungkwan had to take a calming breath at the idea that you needed him, Dokyeom was still trying to keep himself in check as you leaned against him. Soonyoung was a bit bolder, his eyes roaming over your face and body as he watched you take another shot, your nose wrinkling up at the burn. 

“Truth or Dare, Y/N?” Soonyoung’s words bring you back to the present, shaking your head as you think about his question and smile stretching your legs out so that you can rest more comfortably between Dokyeom and Seungkwan. 

In truth there was nothing different about this night than any other night when the four of you had decided to have a sleepover, sitting on the floor much like tonight playing stupid party games. Plenty of nights the three men had crashed in your living room, one of them usually ending up in your bed after pouting about being cold, but it was all so seemingly innocent. Tonight there was more of an unspoken tension in the air. If you felt any of it, you didn’t seem to let it show. 

Meeting Seungkwan’s eyes, you see the challenge in his eyes, the way he raises his eyebrow knowing that you are considering choosing truth as you always do. You smile at him so sweetly that Seungkwan’s eyes drop to your lips briefly, his body shifting slightly before he looks down a grin on his face when you finally speak. 

“Dare.” 

Dokyeom hadn’t expected you to actually pick dare, shifting his body he causes you to fall against his chest. You laugh at his shocked face, a smile spreading across his handsome face, his large but gentle hands helping you to sit back up. “Sorry, just really thought you’d pick tru–” 

“I dare you to ask Dokyeom if he is turned on right now.” 

Soonyoung’s eyes almost glitter with mirth when three sets of eyes shift to him. A smirk forms on his lips as Dokyeom shakes his head and laughs trying to come up with words. “He’s just full of shit and drinking. So you don’t have to do the dare if you don’t want–” 

“Are you turned on right now, Dokyeom?” Your eyes move from Soonyoung to Dokyeom, your lashes slightly lowered as you have to look up at him in the position you are leaning against his frame. His expression quickly changes causing you to become even more curious. Your eyes follow the bob of his Adam’s apple, while you listen to Soonyoung laugh under his breath nearby. 

“I, uh…” Why wouldn’t he just answer? It should be an easy yes or no answer, at least that’s how you feel at the moment with your inhibitions slightly less, especially with how warm his body feels against yours. Sitting up, you move to your knees and tilt your head causing Dokyeom to curse under his breath, lifting his right hand he rubs the back of his neck shooting Soonyoung a dirty look. 

“Yeah, a bit.” 

Your cheeks warm slightly but a smile spreads across your face only to be slightly lessened when your teeth catch your bottom lip. A small playful squeal of a giggle leaves your lips because you can’t help but think how much fun this is. Seungkwan was right to have you take more dares. 

“My turn!” you giggle. Dokyeom takes a deep breath letting it out when you finally turn away from him to look at the other two men, his eyes finding Soonyoung once more as he shakes his head muttering, ‘fuck you.’ Soonyoung can only grin giving the younger man a playful wink while they all wait for you to make your choice. 

“Seungkwan, truth or dare?” 

The man on your right swallows hard upon hearing his name. He hadn’t realized this was how truth or dare was going to go or he might not have pushed you to accept more dares. Not that he was really complaining, just nervous as you looked at him with those pretty eyes that made his mouth go dry with nerves. 

“Uh, tr–truth…I guess.” 

You pout dramatically, pretending to be disappointed in him for choosing ‘truth’ after pushing you to do just the opposite. He watches you tilt your head from one side to the other before you crawl closer to him, a sly smirk on your lips. “Okay, tell me one thing I could do to you that would make you cum almost instantly.” 

“Holy shit, Y/N…” Soonyoung’s words are more of a laugh, his head shaking as he reaches for the bottle of tequila pouring himself and you another shot. Dokyeom takes a long drink of his beer while Seungkwan’s mouth falls open in shock. 

“You can tell me. It’s fun, Kwannie.” You smile at Seungkwan, lifting your hand to run your fingers along his cheek almost seductively expecting him to pull away or to tell you off but instead, he stays still and you feel the warmth of his skin blooming under your touch. 

“Is it fun, Y/N?” His words are quiet, but you still smile nodding your head as the youngest of the men stares into your eyes. “If that’s how we are going to play this, fine.” Finally turning his head from your touch, Seungkwan picks up the shot that had been poured for you, lifting it to his lips to tilt it back letting the liquid run down his throat. Soonyoung laughs, lifting the bottle in somewhat of a celebration offering to fill up the glass again. 

Seungkwan barely acknowledges the other man, his eyes finding yours again as he clears his throat. “If you wanted to make me cum, almost immediately? You’d have to drag your teeth along the length of my cock. Get right to where the tip begins…you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?” 

Now your cheeks were burning, and you couldn’t help but imagine doing exactly what Seungkwan was explaining to you, on him. Your eyes fall to his lap only for Seungkwan to tilt your head back up, his fingers under your chin, a smirk on his lips now. “Then you’d suck. I’d be doomed.” 

Seungkwan watches you run your teeth over your bottom lip, a smile crossing your lips, he knew that look. You were clearly thinking, and he had an idea about what. Removing his hand from your chin, Seungkwan smirks a bit, hearing you breathe out your words, your butt falling back to your knees. 

“Mm, truth or dare…Soonyoung?” 

Soonyoung had been mid-drink when Seungkwan said his name causing the man to choke on his drink. Coughing, he laughs it off and wipes his lips with the back of his hand raising his brows. “You know what, as much fun as you and Y/N made ‘truth’ look…I’m going to say dare.” 

You weren’t surprised when Soonyoung chose ‘dare’, he usually did. Most times this ended up with him running out into the cold buck naked to jump into the pool, only to come back with his hands over his crotch while he cursed, but this time you had a feeling it would be different. 

Seungkwan leans back against the bottom of the couch, his eyes moving around the room until they land on Soonyoung again. You watch Seungkwan lean forward picking up the other man’s cell phone before tossing it in his direction. 

Raising a brow Soonyoung catches the phone with a confused look on his face before Seungkwan finally speaks. “Go into another room and call Y/N. She won’t answer but you leave her a message telling her exactly what you’d like to do to her in bed.” 

Soonyoung’s mouth opens and closes a couple of times before he tilts his head moving to stand. “You think I won’t? When will she listen to it?” 

Seungkwan considers the question glancing towards you in thought before smirking slightly. “She will listen to it when she is dared to. Isn’t that right Sweetheart?” Lifting his hand he runs his fingers over your cheek much like you had his when you were teasing him. 

You nod, feeling Dokyeom’s fingers move around your waist only causing your breath to be that much harder to take as the man keeps you close. “Yeah…” 

“She’s so patient. What are you waiting for, Soonyoung?” 

His eyes were moving over the scene in front of him investigating it as if he were going to miss something if he stepped away but at Seungkwan’s question, Soonyoung sighed leaving you alone with your other two friends. 

It hadn’t escaped you that Seungkwan had called you Sweetheart or how he or Dokyeom were treating you. When you let out a small breath, Seungkwan lets his fingers fall from your face, an amused look on his face as he takes his attention from you leaving you feeling frustrated. “That’s mean…” 

Dokyeom laughs next to your ear hearing you mutter, his fingers sliding against your stomach. “I think Seungkwan is being very fair, Y/N. You are playing dirty tonight. What’s gotten into you?” 

Moving your hand over Dokyeom’s forearm you want to tell him, ‘none of them yet, which was the problem’ but before you could speak, your phone dings letting you know you have missed a call and have a voicemail waiting. 

“I can’t wait to hear what that says.” Seungkwan laughs, his eyes moving to glance at you and Dokyeom before everyone’s attention is drawn back toward Soonyoung. The sound of him literally tripping over his own feet and finally rolling over the back of the couch to land in front of the rest of you causes you to laugh. 

“Please god tell me I didn’t miss anything good! Oh, and truth or dare, Y/N?” 

Narrowing your eyes, you laugh only abruptly before the feeling of Dokyeom’s fingers brush over a spot where your shirt has lifted slightly near your hip. “Fuck…uh, truth.” 

This was not what Soonyoung had wanted to hear, you watch as he dramatically leans his head back with a groan. His eyes meet yours once again causing you to press your lips together to hide a smirk until he raises a brow. “No, you think you are getting it easy, but you proved just how much fun ‘truth’ can be. Tell us a list of names you like to be called in bed. I want the dirty truth.” 

All the men watch your tongue move along your lips, your mouth feeling suddenly very dry. Tipping back another shot of tequila you find that does nothing to help the feeling, it only makes you cough. Dokyeom laughs softly, sliding his hand from your side to your back to rub it gently. “Take a breath, I’m sure you are incredibly tame.” 

Raising a brow you find his words to be a challenge, your eyes meeting his making him smirk. “Tame?” Extending your arm out towards Soonyoung, you hold the shot glass steady allowing him to refill it for you, his fingers holding your wrist gently. 

“I like some tame names. Baby, Sweetheart, darling…those are all nice. You could be sweet to me, call me angel or Princess.” Seungkwan grins a bit, tipping his beer to his lips, seemingly taking notes as you continue to speak. 

“Or call me, Kitten…” Your eyes find Soonyoung, who lowers the tequila bottle at the name taking a breath. “You said you wanted them all?” He nods, and you lean back arching your back as if you are getting comfortable but it only causes your sweater to shift, your breasts drawing the eyes of each man. 

“I like when it gets a little dirty too. Whore or slut…but I’d rather be yours.” When you say ‘yours’ your eyes lower, a laugh on your lips tilting your glass back to take your shot before you clarify before the men’s brains explode. “I mean, in a possessive way. Maybe like, “my pretty whore or my slut”. You get what I mean?” 

No one is quick to speak, especially when you finally look up to meet their eyes one by one. You are only granted nods and steadying breaths. “I figured you would. So, Dokyeom…truth or dare?” 

You watch one of your favorite smiles spread across one of your favorite people’s faces, there is no one else like Dokyeom. No one could make you feel shy by just smiling. He was literal sunshine personified. 

Leaning back slightly, Dokyeom purses his lips and narrows his eyes playfully before finally nodding. “Dare. I’m curious what you will decide on….” His words trail off before he raises a brow looking at you teasingly to add, “Princess.” 

Your lips part to take a breath as Soonyoung laughs, shaking his head and muttering under his breath that ‘this is going to be good’. Seungkwan simply drapes his arm over his knee, the tips of his pretty fingers rubbing together in anticipation as he waits for you to speak. 

Dokyeom tilts his head as if to say, ‘what are you waiting for’ only to be rendered speechless once again when you finally do give him his dare. “Dokyeom…baby, I want you to kiss the part of my body that you’d like to cum on.”  

You hear Soonyoung swear under his breath, the way he shifts to get closer to you and the other men as if he will miss out on something once again, but your eyes never leave Dokyeom’s. The man in front of you rubs his lips together, his eyes moving over your face before working downward in thought. 

“Over your clothes?” 

You hadn’t considered that question, raising a brow you laugh, tilting your head back to find Seungkwan even closer than he had been a moment before. The feeling of his warm sweet breath causes you to pause when you feel it against your neck. “Uh…oh. I’ll lay down and you…can move my clothes to place the kiss.” 

Seungkwan smirks at you, meeting your eyes briefly before you look away to find Soonyoung just a couple of feet away from you now as well. Dokyeom grins, his eyes moving back up your body, he nods sliding back to let you move from between all of them so you could lay down. 

“On my back? Or did you want to cum on my ass, Dokyeom?” 

Your question causes the man to laugh, while it causes Soonyoung to bite his fist. Dokyeom shakes his head sliding on his knees towards you. “On your back is just fine.” You start to lie down on your own but stop short when Dokyeom’s hand rests behind your neck, helping you do it much slower than you had planned. Your eyes meet him, and you find him smiling at you suddenly urging your thighs to push together. 

“Such a gentleman…” 

“You say that now.” Dokyeom laughs, his eyes pulling at the corners slightly from how brightly he smiles making your stomach tighten from nerves. When your back is against the floor, he slides his hand from behind you glancing over your body once again like you are a piece of art. “Anywhere?” 

Soonyoung sighs, tilting his head and beginning to get impatient. “That was the prompt. Anywhere you’d wanna cum on her.” Seungkwan laughs at the man’s impatience, swatting at him to make him sit back some when he leans towards you and Dokyeom as if he could take the man’s place. 

“I’m just making sure. I want Y/N to be comfortable.” 

You can’t help but smile a bit at those words, reaching up to run your thumb over Dokyeom’s cheek before letting your thumb dare to drag across his lips. “I did give you the dare, I’m good, I promise. You can pick any spot.” 

God, Dokyeom could feel his pants getting tighter from just your words and the idea of picking any spot. There were so many spots he wanted to cum on you…or rather in you, but for now, he’d keep it above your hips. 

Sliding his hand along your hip, Dokyeom raises a brow watching you arch your back so he could slide your shirt up your stomach. The sound of the other two men taking deep breaths catches his attention, almost pulling it from you, but he can focus, dragging his thumb under your bra. 

Getting the idea, you shift your body letting him pull your shirt up further exposing your chest to him and your other friends, causing all of the men to take pause. You weren’t wearing any of your special lingerie, just a simple bra with some lace around the edges but it was enough to drive them all crazy. 

Dokyeom sucks in a breath and laughs as you take your shirt from him to pull it over your head tossing it towards Seungkwan who catches it with a chuckle of his own.

“Alright then…but what if I’d want to cum…here?” 

It was your turn to suck in a breath, Dokyeom’s middle finger drags under your bra, the tip of his nail just falling short of grazing over your nipple. 

“I see, and you wouldn’t want to cum on my bra? Is that what you are saying?” 

Soonyoung had to give it to Dokyeom, this was smooth as fuck. He was using his dare very wisely. Lifting his hand, Soonyoung runs his fingers over his lips to stifle a groan as Dokyeom nods at your words only for you to move to your elbow reaching behind your back to unclasp the garment. 

“I wouldn’t…wouldn’t want to ruin any of your things. You did call me a gentleman.” 

You smile, laying back down and reaching for Dokyeom’s hand to put it back over your bra using his fingers to pull at the cup so that he could get the idea to pull it from your body. “I did call you that.” 

Lifting your arms, you allow Dokyeom to drag the bra from your body leaving you topless on the floor. Each of the men had their reaction to the sight. Dokyeom drops the garment next to him before smiling at you shaking his head that you would allow him such a privilege, while Soonyoung almost vibrates in place. His thumbnail caught between his teeth as his eyes rolled back in his head before he stared at you full of lust. 

Seungkwan simply meets your eyes before letting his eyes roam over your chest taking you in like a meal. “Stunning…you are so pretty, Y/N. If you don’t do something soon, Dokyeom…Soonyoung is going to pounce on her.” 

His words cause you to laugh, your gaze falling on the man looking at you like a predator who has found his prey. “We are still playing the game, Soonyoung…you have to be patient.” He didn’t have the patience nor did he want to. 

Dokyeom just shakes his head, lifting his hand to trail the back of his fingers over the top of your breast and drawing your attention back to him as you let out a soft, slow breath. “So your dare was to kiss you where I’d want to cum of you. That was a difficult question, I won’t lie, but…I’d pick here. Look how pretty you are, can just imagine my cum painting your pretty tits.” 

Your cheeks burn, your teeth catching your lip as Dokyeom speaks. You hadn’t expected him to explain or talk to you like that but you weren’t complaining, but it’s when he leans down and you feel his breath against your chest that you can’t help but let out a soft whine. 

Dokyeom smiles before he nudges his nose against your soft skin, his thumb brushing the underside of your breast. He lingers where he is for a brief moment before placing a slow, almost sensual kiss on a spot near your nipple causing a moan to escape your lips. 

His lips linger, a gentle groan caught in Dokyeom’s throat until he finally pulls back to look up at you with blown-out pupils. “Truth or dare?” No one else in the room spoke, they knew the question was for you. 

“Oh my god, truth.” You arch your breast towards Dokyeom’s hand only to have him pull back with a small smirk. It’s only when a whine falls from your lips, your hand moving to hold the side of his tank top tightly that he looks over your face sitting up fully. 

“Do you want to be fucked?” The question wasn’t surprising and yet it caused every other person in the room to take a deep breath. Soonyoung and Seungkwan knew it would change how this entire night and possibly how your friends would go from that moment forward. You had been waiting for it, longer than any of them could even understand. 

“Yes, god…more than anything.” Dokyeom groans at your answer, his cock throbbing trapped behind his jeans. He only nods and gestures his hand towards you for you to continue the game. Whining, you look at the other two men finally deciding on Seungkwan, “Truth or dare?” 

Out of the two, Seungkwan was keeping his cool much better. Yes, he wanted you badly but he also knew the night was young and he wasn’t going anywhere. Especially not after your answer to Dokyeom. “Dare.” 

“Play the voicemail from Soonyoung on my phone.” 

Seungkwan laughs, moving from his spot on the floor, you watch him adjust his jeans. His painfully obvious erection makes your mouth water as you remember your earlier conversation. With your phone finally in his hand, he types in your code to unlock it and goes to your voicemails hitting play on the most recent from Soonyoung, and placing it on speaker. 

Soonyoung smirks, his eyes moving from your phone to yours. He all but fucks you with his eyes as you begin to hear his voice fill the room causing your thighs to brush together once again. 

“Y/N…I have to wonder if you thought I wouldn’t tell you what I wanted. Well, fuck that…” You hear the sound of Soonyoung sitting down on a bed, your bed before he starts to talk again. “I’d eat you out like it was my last meal, I bet you taste so fucking good. You always smell like a dream so I can only imagine that your cum must taste like honey.” 

You bring your fingers to your lips to stifle a moan making Soonyoung raise a brow. He glances up to meet Dokyeom’s eyes gesturing back down to you. “Move her hand…you get to hear my dirty little thoughts, I want to hear your dirty little moans when you hear them.” 

Dokyeom’s hand wraps around your wrist pulling your hand from your mouth but your eyes never leave Soonyoung’s as you continue to listen to the recording. Seungkwan sits back down next to you, his eyes roaming over your legs as they rub together, his hand tilting the phone towards you so you can hear it better. 

“Then I’d fuck you open with my fingers so I could make sure you could take my cock. I bet your pretty pussy would swallow it up. You wanna swallow my cock up between your thighs?” 

You knew he wasn’t speaking to you at that moment but you still nod, causing Soonyoung to smirk. Reaching out he takes the phone from Seungkwan as the recording ends to put it out of the way. Seungkwan licks his lips knowing it is his turn to ask the question, “Y/N, truth or dare?” 

Laughing out a soft moan, your legs almost shaking from how much you want them to touch you. “Dare, god please make it a good one.” You were trying so hard to be patient, Dokyeom’s thumb running over your pulse point in your wrist, Soonyoung moving close enough to finally push your hair from your eyes. 

Seungkwan grins at you and laughs, “I dare you to be our good little whore and fuck all of us like you so clearly want to.” He knew that was the last question and that it would make it or break it even more so than Dokyeom’s question but when you moan out a “Yes, please Seungkwan…” that is all it takes for you to get what you want. 

He moves past Soonyoung to grab the back of your neck pulling you up from the floor, his lips colliding with yours hard in a rough kiss. Seungkwan hisses words against your lips, his fingers sliding down your stomach to your shorts to unbutton them quickly. “Sound so fucking pretty…help me get her to the bedroom.” 

Dokyeom nods, moving to his feet he leans to pick you up from the floor letting you keep your lips on Seungkwan’s for a moment more before the younger man pulls away to make you whine. Soonyoung grins at you hearing you whine as Seungkwan leaves you in Dokyeom’s grasp. 

“He’s not leaving you like he said…we are going to the bedroom. You are going to get so fucking spoiled tonight, Kitten. Save your whines for when you need them.” 

You start to speak, moving next to Dokyeom when Soonyoung moves to walk beside you. The feeling of his hand moving over your ass caused you to let out a small squeal of excitement. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I was so scared you guys wouldn’t want me like this.” 

Seungkwan raises a brow hearing your words when the three of you move into the room after him. His eyes meet yours as he tosses a few pillows out of the way then the stuffed tiger you had stolen from Soonyoung. “And you’d be so very wrong, Sweetheart. We thought you’d be repulsed by the dirty shit we’ve talked about when it came to you. How we all wanted to fuck you…be more than just friends with you, but none of us wanted to fuck up our friendship.” 

Dokyeom’s lips move across your neck making you smile, your eyes getting heavy from pleasure as you listen to Seungkwan speak. You feel Soonyoung’s hands move to your shorts, working them down your legs, his lips pressing to your stomach as you moan out softly before speaking. 

“This isn’t ruining anything, this is better. It’s so, so much better. You know I love all of you so much.” You feel Dokyeom’s lips turn up at your confession. You had all told each other that you loved one another many times but this time felt special. You practically purr out a moan feeling his nose brush behind your ear, Soonyoung’s fingers finally sliding your panties down your legs. 

“Fuck, you are dripping.” You could feel it, but hearing Soonyoung say it knowing he could see it between your legs was an entirely different thing. Seungkwan smirked at the sight in front of him only to clear his throat a moment later. “Lay her on the bed, you are both greedy.” 

“We are just anxious to have her, Seungkwan.” Soonyoung’s breath hits your folds as he speaks causing you to shiver. Your bottom lip gets caught in your teeth as you watch him get back up and lead you to the bed, where Dokyeom sits you down.  

Seungkwan watches carefully, his eyes never leaving you even as the other two men listen to your whines about them getting out of their clothes. Soonyoung is the quickest to give you what you want. His shirt is discarded across the room so that your fingernails can move across his toned muscles as your eyes move across his skin causing him to let out a sharp breath. 

“I’m so fucking hard, Kitten…and as much as I want you to touch me I just want my face buried between your thighs after seeing you dripping down your legs like a whore for us.” 

A smile spreads across your lips as Soonyoung’s hands move to your wrists moving your hands from his stomach and finally away from his body. You watch as he moves to his knees listening to you let out a soft faux whine at his words only for him to laugh and roll his eyes. 

“If you want to touch someone so bad you have two other cocks to unwrap. Seungkwan called me greedy, I’m planning to show him otherwise.” 

Soonyoung doesn’t allow you or Seungkwan a single word before his hands slide your legs open further and your moan fills the room like a dinner bell. The feeling of his warm tongue dragging through your folds is overwhelming, causing you to arch your back and push your hips towards Soonyoung’s face only to feel him groan against your pussy, pushing your hips back down with strong hands. 

Dokyeom had been patiently watching until you moaned so sweetly. The sound went straight to his cock causing it to twitch almost violently. His shirt had also been discarded next to the bed when you had asked but he hadn’t taken your attention from Soonyoung, instead, he had been perfectly content with watching. That was until you fell back on the bed, your breasts rising and falling with each lusty moan escaping your perfect little lips. 

“Mm, so pretty. She’s so pretty, Seungkwan, don’t you think so?” 

Seungkwan smirks at Dokyeom’s words, his hand lifting to brush his thumb around your pert nipple causing you to whimper. Your eyes move from each man while Soonyoung sucks your folds into his mouth with an obscene wet sound making your cheeks burn. 

“So fucking pretty, tell me what you want, Sweetheart. I’ll give it to you, but you have to ask.” 

You were having a hard time thinking much less speaking but when Seungkwan spoke to you so sweetly, almost in a condescending tone it made you clench around Soonyoung’s finger as soon as he pushed it into you. The man between your legs grins against your folds at the reaction before kissing your soft skin, his tongue peeking out to circle your clit teasingly while you whine out your answer. 

“Want…oh my god. I wanna suck your cock Seungkwan but I…ah Soonyoung!” 

You wanted to tell Dokyeom what you wanted from him as well but Soonyoung slides in a second finger turning his palm towards the ceiling, his fingers curling upwards to brush against your spot perfectly with each thrust. You hear three distinct laughs, one, in particular, warm against your ear causing you to whine out Dokyeom’s name bringing your attention back to him as you turn your head to capture his lips with yours speaking against them. 

“Dokyeom…I want…want you to touch me, kiss me…I need to touch you. Want to see your cock, take it out. Please?” 

The way you were whining, a slight moan in your words was driving Dokyeom crazy. Seungkwan could almost hold himself back, telling you to wait but Dokyeom found himself willing to give you anything and everything the moment you asked for it. 

Nodding his head, Dokyeom shifts off the bed pushing his jeans and boxers down before leaning back across the end of the bed so that his lips could capture your shoulder while he took your hand guiding it to his waiting and leaking cock. The moment your fingers brush over his head a shuddering breath escapes the man’s mouth that causes you to whimper and close your thighs around Soonyoung’s head. 

Still watching, Seungkwan licks his lips, his head tilted as he waits. You had asked him for something and he wasn’t a liar. He was going to give it to you. He knew why you had asked for it, the answer he had given you earlier but he wasn’t going to cum like that, not when he had the chance to cum elsewhere given a chance. 

“Y/N, Sweetheart, where are your condoms?” 

You look at him confused and shake your head, extending your hand towards Seungkwan trying to get him to come to you but he only shifts slightly closer letting you grip at his shirt. A small laugh falls from his lips as he looks down at you, the desperation in your eyes, Seungkwan lifts his hand to run it over your hair while he watches you starting to come apart from all the attention you are getting from the other men.

“Baby…think hard for me.”

“I’m on birth control, Kwannie.” 

Your words cause the other two men to take pause, especially Soonyoung who takes a deep breath between your thighs at the idea of fucking you raw. Seungkwan’s fingers fall down your jaw where he tilts your face more towards him examining you carefully before he leans down to speak against your lips. 

“If that’s what you want baby.” 

Nodding against his lips, you kiss him desperately, feeling Dokyeom thrust into your hand and Soonyoung dive back between your legs sending you over the edge for the first time that night. You whine breathlessly into Seungkwan’s mouth until you can’t handle it anymore and fall back on the bed having to push your hand into Soonyoung’s hair as he latches on to your clit, determined to overstimulate you. 

Seungkwan watches your thighs tremble, your fingers harshly pulling at Soonyoung’s hair only seeming to push the man further into his lust-filled stupor until he finally pulls away with a groaning breath letting you have a moment. 

“Fuck, you taste so good. I could eat you out all damn day, Y/N. We are never going back to how it was before.” 

Dokyeom laughs at Soonyoung’s words, his hand sliding along your breasts squeezing gently, thumb and forefinger rolling your nipple gently between them to watch you arch into his touch while your hand lazily strokes him. Turning his hand over, palm up, Dokyeom groans your name as you meet his eyes. Your thumb presses against his slit while his fingers dance along your hipbone, moving to the center of your legs to finally graze through your cum and Soonyoung’s saliva. 

“I agree with Soonyoung. I can’t go back after this, I wouldn’t want to. I don’t think you’d want to either, would you Princess?” 

You whine out a no, rolling your hips toward Dokyeom’s fingers even though you were already so sensitive. Your attention stayed on him but you knew that Soonyoung was moving around the room, his pants dropping to the floor. He only pulled your eyes back to him when his hands moved under your arms to slide you towards the edge of the bed so your head could rest off the edge, his eyes glancing towards Seungkwan. 

“She said, she wanted to suck your dick, Kwan. Don’t make her wait all fucking night.” 

Hearing him laugh causes you to bite your lip, your eyes searching for Seungkwan to find him with significantly less clothing than before, his shirt and pants on the floor. His eyes find yours as his thumbs hook into the top of his briefs to push them down letting his cock bounce back upwards making your mouth water with each of his steps around the bed towards you. 

You try to stay focused but when Dokyeom’s middle finger presses against your entrance a soft moan slips from your lips. Your hips lift to meet the long digit eliciting a low chuckle from the man who leans down to press a kiss to your neck muttering against your skin. 

“You are tight around my finger even after Soonyoung ate you out. You need more prep if you are going to fuck any of us, Princess. Don’t worry…I’ll make sure you can handle it. You just worry about your Kwannie.” 

Hearing his name leaving Dokyeom’s mouth in such a cute way causes Seungkwan to roll his eyes even as he looks down at you. You were anything but cute at the moment. Ravishing, mouth-watering, fuckable, there were a million words that Seungkwan could use to describe you but he couldn’t get seem to get his mind to connect with his mouth with you reached out your hand for him. 

“Want you…” 

Those were the only words that could slip from your lips but they were enough to make Seungkwan take another step toward you. His fingers run over your cheek, your lips parting for him as you tilt your head backward to give him the signal he needs to use your mouth. 

“Fuck…Y/N. This isn’t how I pictured this happening.” He wasn’t sure how he had pictured it, his pre-cum coating your pretty lips as he traced them with the head of his cock, but it was something he’d never forget. Pushing into your waiting mouth, Seungkwan lets out a shuddering breath, his knees almost buckling at the feeling of your warm, wet mouth. He could feel the way you instantly pressed your tongue along the underside of his head trying to tease him. 

“Mm, Kitten…are you good with your mouth? You have Seungkwan panting like a teenager getting head for the first time.” 

You smile around the cock in your mouth, a moan sending a vibration through Seungkwan as your response. Soonyoung runs his fingers along your collarbone letting his eyes move from your mouth down to your legs watching your hips lift to grind down. 

“Add another finger. She can handle it, can’t you baby?” Soonyoung wasn’t actually wanting a response from you but another groan escaping Seungkwan when you gag around him taking him all the way to your throat makes Soonyoung laugh. Moving around your bed, running a hand over his face, Soonyoung opens your nightstand figuring that personal space is a thing of the past. With a smirk on his lips, he picks up your vibrator giving it a once over before returning it to its rightful spot in place of picking up a small bottle of lube. 

Dokyeom’s eyes dart from what he is doing, adding another finger feeling you stretch around him as the third finger seems to push you to your limit, to watching Soonyoung curiously. “She’s fucking soaked Soonyoung…but it wouldn’t hurt to use lube. I don’t want to hurt her, especially if all three of us are taking turns.” 

You were trying to pay attention to their conversation but one stroke of Dokyeom’s fingers against your spot causes your teeth to rake the underside of Seungkwan’s cock as you arch off the bed. Pressure begins to build in you so intensely that you have to pull from the man to take a breath.

“Fuck…fuck! There…don’t stop Dokyeom. Please?” 

Seungkwan takes a step back trying to catch his breath having gotten so close to his own orgasm only to have it pulled away. He instead watches as you sit up on your elbows, your hand moving to hold Dokyeom’s tightly almost as if you are in conflict with yourself if you want to keep him closer to push him away. 

Feeling your pussy tightening around him and hearing your pleas, Dokyeom’s attention stays focused fully on you. His knee pushes into the bed as he nods, his free hand moving to hold down your hips keeping you still while he coaxes you toward your orgasm. 

“Right there? Is that the spot, Princess? Are you gonna cum for me?”

Standing completely still, Soonyoung simply holds the bottle of lube as he watches you nod before a whining moan slips from your lips. His eyes fall between your legs at the same time as he mutters, “holy shit” watching your orgasm push Dokyeom’s fingers from you as you squirt. 

“She’s fucking perfect. Kitten…Y/N? Baby, my love…marry me? Marry us?” 

Falling back on the bed, your legs trembling you can’t help but laugh at Soonyoung’s words feeling Dokyeom’s hands sliding over your thighs soothingly. You knew he was kidding but at the same time, it was a fucking tempting thought. 

Tossing the bottle of lube onto the bed, Soonyoung crawls up to hover over you. His eyes finally met yours eliciting another laugh to split from your lips. 

“Just need a second, haven’t…been a while since I’ve cum that hard.” 

Dokyeom feels a bit of pride swell in his chest when Soonyoung raises a brow glancing at him. “Yeah, well there is cumming and then there is that. Baby we are going to have to change your bed. That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my fucking life. You think…” 

Hearing him trail off, his fingers moving across your skin to trace around your nipple making you shiver, you open your eyes once again to look up at him curiously. The bed dips on your other side when Seungkwan finally takes a seat to get closer to you. 

“Think what, Soonie?” 

“Think you could take two of us? If we prep you?” 

Seungkwan shakes his head, a scoff falling from his lips thinking that surely Soonyoung had gone too far but you surprise him by biting your lip and nodding, a small “yeah” whispered with a breath. 

“Yeah? You gonna let us fuck that cute ass?” 

Your cheeks burning at Soonyoung’s forwardness, you turn your head, laughing as you say yes again. His fingers hold your chin turning your gaze back to meet his, leaning down Soonyoung brushes his lips almost teasingly across yours making you whimper when he pulls away. 

“Good girl. Turn over on your stomach. Maybe you can give Dokyeom a present for making you cum so hard, hmm?” 

Biting your bottom lip, you nod. Your cheeks warm, and you let Seungkwan help you turn onto your stomach before you move to your hands and knees. Dokyeom already standing in front of you smiles when you glance up to meet his eyes, his fingers sliding over the side of your head enjoying having you so close to his cock already. 

“I won’t lie, as much as I was enjoying fucking you with my fingers…I was curious about what you were doing with your mouth. Wanna show me?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

Seungkwan raises a brow taking a deep breath as he runs a hand over your back tracing your curves down to your ass. Another thing he hadn’t pictured, was the possibility of anyone being able to do this to you but here they all were, and now Soonyoung was kneeling behind you rubbing lube together on his fingers. 

“Incredible.” Seungkwan’s words draw your attention briefly, your hand wrapped around Dokyeom’s length. You glance at the youngest man meeting his eyes as you place a kiss on the tip of the cock in front of you making him smirk at you before you feel his hand lift and then connect with your ass cheek firmly. “Tease.”

You moan feeling the burn from Seungkwan’s hand, the way his pretty fingers kneed the warm flesh afterward making it feel sensual. It draws your attention from the first bit of pressure when Soonyoung presses his index finger against your rim easing it in slowly.  

“Fuck, there we go. Relax…gonna feel so good. Fill you up in every single way we can Kitten. Make you ours completely. Isn’t that what you want?” 

Soonyoung watches you nod, a whine slipping from around Dokyeom’s cock as you take more of him into your mouth. 

“Of course it is. You are ours, always have been. Our pretty fucking slut. God, Kwan...look how pretty this is.” 

A second finger worked into your tight hole, Soonyoung tilts his head, his other hand keeping your ass open for him. He lets Seungkwan scoot in closer listening to the man groan softly when he finally sees how you clench around his fingers. 

“Just go slow, shit…she’s gorgeous. You are so beautiful, Sweetheart.” 

Seungkwan’s hand slides along your ass, his thumb pressing near where Soonyoung’s fingers scissor into you stretching you out. You knew he was making sure you wouldn’t be hurt but you didn’t want Soonyoung to go slow anymore. It felt too good and you wanted more. 

Leaning his head back, Dokyeom ran a hand over your head licking his lips and trying to keep himself from cumming too quickly as you moaned around him. You were too good with your mouth. He knew that he had asked to see how good you would be but there was no way he was going to miss out on fucking you. 

With a low groan, Dokyeom pulls back from you making you whine out a small “no” your eyes searching for him and a reason. “Gonna make me cum, Princess. Wanna fuck you, gonna let me?” 

You nod quickly, your hand reaching for him almost desperately as you push back on Soonyoung’s fingers in an attempt to get more stimulation. 

“God, need more. Please…I can take it. Please fuck me? I’ve been good, haven’t I? Kwannie, I’ve been so good.” 

Hearing you say his name, Seungkwan moves back to lift your head so he can meet your eyes, his lips brushing against yours. You feel Soonyoung push in a third finger causing you to let out a sobbing moan against Seungkwan’s mouth. 

“You have, you’ve been so good. Almost time, hmm…why don’t you tell me who you want to fuck first?” 

You were almost panting into his mouth trying to think clearly when Seungkwan asked you such an important question. Your brain becomes fuzzy to the feeling of Soonyoung’s fingers burying themselves into your ass pushing you towards a third orgasm so quickly. 

“I…oh my god. Soonyoung, I want Soonyoung to…in my ass.” 

Seungkwan nods, a smirk against your lips. You feel his hand slide over your stomach and finally between your legs. His slender fingers dance between your wet folds driving you over that edge once again while his forehead rests against yours. 

“And who gets to be in this sweet little pussy first? Hm?” 

Breathy moans escape your lips but words are almost unintelligible. Your legs shaking you rely completely on Seungkwan to keep you from falling forward on the bed until your orgasm ends. 

Soonyoung’s fingers slide over the swell of your ass, he smirks as Dokyeom shakes his head leaning down to check on you as you seem to come back to reality. 

“Want…Seungkwan first.” 

Your words were quiet but you feel Dokyeom’s long fingers on your cheek and hear Seungkwan’s gentle laugh against your ear. You weren’t sure how you wanted it to work but it appeared you didn’t have to figure that out. A few silent looks from the men around the bed put Seungkwan into motion, his head resting against your pillows. 

Fingers extending towards you, Seungkwan raises a brow as he watches you carefully, almost possessively knowing that you were his first. Two other sets of hands slide along your body allowing you to crawl along the bed making your way to Seungkwan until you are finally sitting across his thighs. 

Seungkwan watches you take a deep breath, your tongue running slowly along your lips from nerves. You had gone so far with all of them tonight but this would ‘seal the deal’ in a manner of speaking. Kneading his thumbs into the top of your thighs working them up towards your hips, Seungkwan smiles at you, his head tilting questioningly as he speaks calmly. 

“Is this something you still want? No one here is going to be upset if you want to stop.” 

Soonyoung could feel a slight ache in his stomach at the thought but he also knew deep down that if this was as far as you wanted to go for the night he would respect it and be happy with what he had with you. Furrowing his brows, he runs the back of his hand along your back to soothe your nerves but to also let you know that neither he nor Dokyeom had left you so you wouldn’t be worried. 

A smile spreads along your lips to the feeling of their hands on your body, Dokyeom’s joining as he massages your lower back. The man leans to press a soft patient kiss to your shoulder blade waiting to hear your answer to Seungkwan’s question only to find you glancing over your shoulder at him when you do speak. 

“I want this. I promise, just take care of me?” 

“Oh, Princess…we have always taken care of you. Why would we stop now?” 

You can’t help but laugh at Dokyeom’s words. He wasn’t wrong, they had always gone out of their way to take care of you in various ways. 

“He’s right,” Soonyoung speaks next to your neck, his lips moving along your soft skin causing goosebumps to spread along your flesh. “Every night we stay here, one of us will wake up earlier than you to make sure to either cook your breakfast or at least order something. We make sure you drink plenty of water, take something for your hangover, take a shower…” 

Your lashes lowered feeling his fingers moving to your hips to help guide you towards Seungkwan, the feeling of his hard cock brushing between your folds sending a shiver through your body as you moan quietly. 

“Remember last time? Seungkwan let you sit in his lap and he cut up your food for you and fed it to you because you said your head hurt too bad. You had drunk a little too much and slept so hard but he loves you so much he made sure you still ate.” 

You remembered, your eyes open to find Seungkwan looking up at you, his lips parted so sweetly to the feeling of your wet folds sliding over his cock with each rock of your hips. He felt so good even like this, you couldn’t wait to feel him inside of you. Lifting your hips, you whimper for him watching Seungkwan nod, his fingers wrapping around his length guiding his head to your entrance letting you slowly sit back down over him. 

“Shit…so warm. Oh my god, Y/N, baby.” 

Seungkwan’s words make you smile, your moans falling from your lips breathlessly as you try to get used to the stretch adjusting around him. You nod letting Soonyoung help you move your hips over the younger man. 

“You sound so pretty, Kitten. You feel full, hmm?” 

Soonyoung watches you for a moment until you look back at him knowing what he was really asking you. His hands slide to your ass where his thumbs separate your ass causing you to clench around Seungkwan. 

“Please, please…please?” 

Your pleas were so sweet and tempting, how could Soonyoung say no? How could Dokyeom just sit there and not feel like he was going to burst to watch you lean forward, your body trembling? 

“Please what? You want Soonyoung to fill you up back here?” 

Dokyeom had spent most of the night surprising Soonyoung, so when he spoke questioning you about what you wanted exactly, Soonyoung couldn’t help but smirk. His eyes fell to the other man’s hand as it move past his so that his middle finger could press against your now puffy rim teasing you. 

Tears of pleasure were stinging your eyes, your hips moving harder over Seungkwan. He was holding on to your hips, his nails digging gently into your skin in an attempt to calm himself down when your walls tighten around him once again. You nod meeting Dokyeom’s gaze, the sweet man you loved so much is still there but with a look of almost sadism laced within. 

Arching your back, a gasp slips from your lips when Dokyeom’s finger slides into you causing you to feel that much more full. He laughs lowly at your reaction leaning to kiss your cheek, nodding along with your babbling for more. 

“Yeah? I know…I know. Soonie is going to get ready. Yes, Princess, you sound so fucking pretty moaning like a whore. Are you gonna cum around Seungkwan’s cock?” 

Soonyoung laughs to himself, his hand coated in lube before he strokes himself a few times shaking his head and listening to Dokyeom’s dirty talk. He had no idea the man had it in him but he was impressed. Moving back to hold your hip with one hand, Soonyoung taps Dokyeom’s wrist to signal for him to move. He listens to you whine pathetically when one finger slowly slides from your ass causing him to shake his head again, the head of his cock pressing against your waiting hole. 

“So needy.” 

Your hands resting on Seungkwan’s chest, your nails digging into his skin eliciting a hiss to fall from the man’s lips as Soonyoung slowly pushes into you. Dokyeom groans, his cock leaking heavily against his thigh, his impatience almost outweighing his desire to fuck you as he looks at your mouth falling open in a lust-filled moan. 

Soonyoung groans almost louder than anyone in the room as he feels your ass around him. Your tight hole pulls him in close to your back so you can feel his chest rising and falling quickly as he battles with himself to calm down trying not to cum the moment he is inside of you. 

“I want to ruin you, Y/N…ruin you for anyone else except us.” 

You shiver to hear Soonyoung’s words, his hand sliding along your stomach to press against back against him but also down over Seungkwan causing the man to groan your name. He was doing his best not to lose it. Trying to let you control how fast you wanted to go but it was becoming too much and feeling how tight you were with Soonyoung also inside of you pushed him over the edge. 

Thrusting up hard, Seungkwan can’t help but smirk listening to how you start to moan his name. It sounded like the best song he had ever heard. It was like a chant that was meant only for him, something going in time with the beating of his heart in his ears. A groan escapes Seungkwan’s throat when your fingers wrap around his wrist in an attempt to ground yourself, that was his last straw, the last string and you had cut it. 

Seungkwan’s body shudders as he fucks his cum into you feeling it running down onto his thighs with each of your movements. There was nothing better than that feeling, knowing that it was him inside of you, his cum dripping out of you. 

Soonyoung has to hold your hips tightly when your orgasm is triggered by Seungkwan’s. Biting his bottom lip to the point he tastes copper, Soonyoung leans his head back groaning your name feeling your ass moving over his cock. You were going to push him over that same edge and he wasn’t going to tell you no. 

With one hard thrust, Soonyoung leans forward to latch his mouth onto your shoulder. Thick white ropes fill you until cum is dripping down the back of your thighs. Dokyeom shudders at the sight, his eyes moving over the three of you until Soonyoung finally moves back exposing the dark mark he had left on your shoulder. 

“Mm baby, come here.” 

You were exhausted, so allowing Soonyoung to carefully slip from you and lay you on the bed on your back caused you to smile. A soft, “thank you Soonie” slipped from your mouth before it was swallowed by Soonyoung in a kiss as he hovers over you. 

Seungkwan ran a hand over his face, his stomach sucking in tightly before he laughs looking around the room to find Dokyeom watching you carefully. 

“I have an idea, Dokyeom…run a bath.” 

The man looked confused for a moment thinking that he was being sent away but a brow raised by the younger man followed by a simple head tilt gave him the answer he needed. You watch with a whine, reaching for Dokyeom when you see him start to leave the room heading for your bathroom. 

“No, want…–” 

“You will, Sweetheart,” Seungkwan speaks softly, rolling to his side to push your hair behind your ear as Soonyoung lays on his side beside you. “In the bath. Does that sound nice? Remember Soonyoung said we take care of you? Let Dokyeom take care of you. Soonyoung and I will clean up in here, and have something for you to eat when you get done.” 

You had to admit it all sounded so nice and too good to be true. Sighing softly, you can’t help but smile when Soonyoung kisses over his love bite from earlier while Seungkwan leans to kiss your jaw making you laugh. 

“Okay, I love you.”  

Two muttered “love you” fill your ears before you feel another hand running over your head drawing your attention to Dokyeom at the side of your bed. You can’t help but let your eyes travel over the expanse of his body and notice how his cock was less hard, but you could take care of that. 

Helping you to your feet, Dokyeom lets you lean against him. A small laugh tickles your ear when he feels your hand sliding over his ass as the two of you make your way into the bathroom toward the now-filled tub. 

“So handsy. What about my honor, Y/N?” 

Your laugh fills Dokyeom’s ears, his hands taking both of yours allowing you to step into the warm water first. He watches you carefully, his cock twitching slightly back to life at the sight of you enjoying the feeling of the warmth, and the sound leaving your soft lips. 

“I’ll take your honor, Mr. Lee. Get in, I need you.” 

He didn’t have to be told twice, carefully moving to sit behind you, Dokyeom lowers himself into the water, a groan similar to yours escaping his mouth to how good it felt on his skin. Still, he couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of your skin on his even more as you leaned back against him, your fingers running along his toned thighs under the water. 

“You are so beautiful, Y/N. We are so lucky to get tonight with you.” 

The words are spoken against your ear causing you to shiver, your lips turning up in a smile. Your eyes close as you lean back against Dokyeom’s chest allowing yourself to relax. The feeling of his fingers dancing along your stomach makes you bite at your bottom lip to suppress a moan. 

You weren’t trying to hide how much you wanted him, Dokyeom surely knew, but this somehow felt more romantic and intimate than what had happened in the bedroom with Soonyoung and Seungkwan. A warm groan hits your skin when you grind back against Dokyeom feeling his cock once again hard against your back. Each of them was endowed perfectly in their own way but Dokyeom had the other two beat in both girth and length. 

“Dokyeom…please? Want you so bad.” 

Dokyeom smiles against your neck, his gentle lips pulling back so that his teeth can rake along your skin once. He nods before letting out a groan when you move from him to turn in the bath to face him, sliding your legs around him in the tub so you can straddle his hips with your own. 

“This okay? I want to be able to kiss you, touch you…” 

There was no fucking way, Dokyeom was going to tell you no. In what world would this not be okay? If his face wasn’t telling you everything you needed to know, his cock was. You can’t help but to smile feeling it jerk against your thigh as you roll your hips toward his body, your lips brushing over his. 

Carefully adjusting yourself over his cock, you feel his tip press against your entrance making you sigh into the kiss softly. Doyeom groans into your mouth feeling you around him for the first time, his hands sliding over your hips to your ass to hold you tightly once you are sitting over him fully. 

Small soft thrusts meet your lazy movements, the water sloshing near the top of the tub threatening to spill over with each passing moment. It didn’t take long for your body to put you back on edge, your orgasm threatening to hit you, a cord ready to snap at any second with how deeply Dokyeom was buried inside of you. The angle of his cock hitting you was almost as perfect as his fingers had been on the bed, Dokyeom can only smile against your lips when you whine his name and that you are going to cum. 

“Yeah? Cum for me, Y/N. Just for me…cum around my cock.” 

The last of his words were strained when you do as he wants, your orgasm ripping through you causing you to clench around him. Your thighs trembling, your fingernails scratching down his chest leaving red streaks that he would wear proudly. Dokyeom breathes out your name, his fingers lifting you by your ass only to let you fall back down over his thick cock as he follows you over that edge spilling into you with a soft groan. 

Collapsing against his chest, you press gentle kisses to his neck making Dokyeom laugh at how it tickles. Your eyelashes brushed against his skin making him squirm, and though he was softening the feeling of him moving in you was enough to make you tighten around him still. 

“You are going to be the death of me. I have nothing left, if you keep clenching around me like that…you’ll suck me dry.”

The thought was enough to cause you to clench one last time before Dokyeom is able to slide from you shaking his head to the feeling. His eyes fell to the water to watch the swirl of white mixing in the water making his head spin. 

“Need to drain the water and get to actually clean.” 

Dokyeom listens to you whine, a laugh on his lips when his backup arrives in the form of Seungkwan. The sound of your shower cutting on and his tsking make you smile before you even feel his hands on your sides helping you stand. 

“Don’t pout, Sweetheart. It’s not like anyone is making you do any work. You are getting spoiled.” 

He was right. You were very lucky. Your body leaning against his, you allow Seungkwan to help you into the small shower. His hands carefully work soap into your skin while you close your eyes breathing softly against his shoulder. 

You weren’t sure if you had fallen asleep standing up or how you had gotten into bed but the feeling of fingers tracing around your belly button under a nightshirt along with the smell of food brought you back to reality. Soonyoung smiles watching your eyelashes flutter open, your pretty eyes finding him laying at your side. His hair is still damp from his own shower, you can’t help but smile reaching up to run your fingers over his lips granting yourself a gentle kiss on your fingertips. 

“I’ll let you sleep soon, but you need to eat a little something. Also, I know the bed is probably the best but Dokyeom is bitching about how not all of us will fit on it so he found every single fucking blanket in the house and made a bed in the living room. Would you be upset about sleeping in there?” 

Your chest tightens to the suggestion as you sit finding Soonyoung holding the stuffed tiger you had “borrowed” in his arms. 

“No, I want to be able to cuddle with all of you but I swear to god Soonyoung…if you take that tiger out of this apartment I’ll never touch your dick again.” 

A shocked laugh escapes the man’s lips as he leans forward to press a kiss to your cheek. The stuffed animal is placed firmly against your stomach. 

“You are so fucking bratty, I was going to say…I’m leaving him here with you. He’s yours now, for when I can’t be here. Now come on, Seungkwan made ramen.” 

You smile clutching the tiger to your chest before sliding off the bed to follow Soonyoung. The sound of laughter causes you to stop short so you can watch him roll over the couch to fall into the pile next to Dokyeom. Seungkwan smiles even though he scolds the two older men trying to keep them from eating all the food, while they all sit on the makeshift bed waiting for you. 

At that moment you couldn’t think of anywhere else you’d rather be. 

“Hey, guys…truth or dare?” 

Seungkwan groans looking up at you, a smile playing on his lips as he rolls his eyes. “Truth” 

Each of them watch as you move around the couch before falling to your knees between them letting them get a better look at you. The way they looked at you was different now. 

“Do you love me?” 

Dokyeom shakes his head, his teeth catching his bottom lip. He leans forward resting his arm on his knees and reaching out to brush his thumb along your cheek allowing you to lean into his touch. 

“You know we do.” 

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[gaybananabread]

ARGHSH I was thinking maybe ler!Sero and Lee!gnReader for day 15 of tickletober????? TYSM if you decide to do this (it’s also ok of you don’t ToT)

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WORK AND HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT NIGHT/ DAY <33333333

TickleTober Day 15 - “Are you ticklish?”

~THANK YOU ANON!✨✨✨✨ Sero is best boy, no doubt about it. Fair warning, I haven’t watched the newest season yet, so this is gonna be written with the knowledge I have! As for the movie reference in here, let’s be honest: that scene with the spiders got a good few of us. I may or may not have let my old crush on Sero show here… Thank you for requesting, and I hope you Enjoy! Happy spooky season!~

Lee: Gender Neutral Reader (nickname “hon”)

Ler: Hanta Sero

Summary: What starts as an innocent movie hang-out becomes tickly chaos as Sero makes a rather interesting discovery. Unfortunately for you, he’s quite happy with the new source of entertainment.

Warnings: none! This is a tickle fic, so if you don’t like that, scroll away!!

Movie night – an innocent enough idea, or so you’d thought. You and him hadn’t had much quality time as-of-late, so you penciled in some quick, low-effort fun.

And, of course, Sero had to be the one to choose the film. You weren’t complaining (much); he had pretty good taste in films. You just hadn’t expected him to pick a movie with…that in it.

Since it was October, Sero had chosen a spooky movie: Corpse Bride. You’d never seen it before, and it seemed interesting. He promised you’d like it, even betting his favorite hoodie that you’d wanna watch it again. You happily took those odds.

About three-fourths of the way through the movie, you were definitely into it. The stop-motion animation was really cool to watch, and the plot had you wondering which way it’d go.

Of course, you also had the world’s comfiest space heater next to you, his arm draped over your shoulder as you leaned against his side. That definitely helped you enjoy yourself.

You were completely relaxed and focused, zeroed in on the television screen. So, when the scene with the spiders came on, you were completely unprepared.

As the folk of the underworld were preparing Victor for the wedding, Victor’s suit was tailored by the spiders. At least six of the hand-sized arachnids crawled across his torso, each repairing some part of his suit.

Apparently, the legs tickled; he jerked about and laughed, squirming as they accidentally tickled him. It wasn’t a long scene, by any means, but it still caught you completely off guard.

Sero felt you squirm, glancing over to see what was going on. You were blushing…? The only thing happening on screen was a quick tickle scene. He saw your foot clench through your socks, and it all clicked. Oooo, I’m gonna have fun with this…

“You’re awfully red over there, hon. What’sa matter?” Sero gave your side a little squeeze, presumably to get your attention. He couldn’t hide his smirk as you jumped, loving the little sound that caught in your throat.

“I-I’m fine. Just…need a drink.” You reached over to grab your drink, only to have him tase your underarm. Squeaking, you back, falling right into his side. He barely had to try to capture you, just wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Hey…” He leaned in, dropping his voice to whisper teasingly in your ear. “Are you ticklish?”

The question somehow both made your blood run cold and your face burn at the same time. When he testingly dragged a few fingers across your stomach, you couldn’t help but giggle in response.

“I’ll take that as a yes~”

Ugh, even his tone was enough to send butterflies swarming in your chest! That wasn’t the only sensation there; Sero began attacking your stomach with his right hand, the left holding you against him. He gave your hip a few teasing squeezes, watching as you bucked and laughed.

“S-SEHEHEHERO!” Wriggling and kicking, you tried to shove his arms away. Unfortunately, the smug hero-in-training was stronger than you, keeping you trapped in his arms.

“Damn, you really are ticklish, aren't cha?” Sero mused, glancing over at the screen. He skillfully hit the remote with his toe, pausing the movie so only your laughter could be heard. He loved the sound of it: raucous, flustered, and utterly adorable.

Actually, your laugh sounded…really different. It was less reserved; you didn’t exactly have the choice to hold back, after all. The sound was free, helpless, and oh-so-happy. It brought a slight blush to his cheeks, making him huff.

“You’ve been holdin’ out on me, you brat!” The tape-quirked boy playfully growled, resting his head on your shoulder. He wasn’t sure if it was flustering or not, but it was comfy. “Where’s this pretty laugh been, huh?”

“I-IHIHIT’S NOHOT PREHEHETTY!” You denied the claim, kicking your feet against the worn cushions of his couch. It wasn’t helping you escape in the slightest, but it helped you not to lose your mind.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

Suddenly, he stopped, giving you a moment to catch your breath. Fuck, that tone…he didn’t sound happy. You just huffed, shrugging.

“You don’t get to lie to my face. That has consequences.”

Before you could ask what he was talking about, he activated his quirk. Your wrists were taped together and hoisted above your head, the tail of the tape sticking to the ceiling. You were stuck to wiggle helplessly, back facing your attacker.

“I didn’t lie!” The annoyed huff told you that reasoning wasn’t gonna work. Begging it was, then. “W-wait, wait, Sero! I’m sorry!”

“Too little, too late. Sing for me~”

With that, the real attack began. Sero let his right hand attack your armpit, the other clawing at your stomach from behind. All the while, he whispered little teases in your ear, flustering the shit out of you. It was hardly fair, but you couldn’t really complain properly through your cackles.

"You have the prettiest laugh on Earth, hon. I'm not gonna let you forget it~"

As you squirmed and thrashed, your top began to ride up. It exposed your belly fully, and Sero was more than happy to take advantage of that.

“Don’t mind if I do…” He dragged his short nails across your bare midriff, loving the feeling of your quivering belly beneath his fingers. “I could do this aaaaall day, hon~”

You were losing it, thrashing and twisting to try and get the tape off. It held diabolically strong, leaving you trapped under Sero’s evil fingers. Eventually, you hit your limit, letting your head hang forwards.

“S-SEHEHEHEROHOHO! NOHO MOHOHOHORE!”

He begrudgingly stopped, sensing you had reached your limit. The tape was removed, and he pulled you back against his chest to cuddle. Utterly exhausted, you complied without a second thought.

“Geez, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as ticklish as you.” Sero chuckled, gently rubbing the stomach he had just finished tormenting. You just groaned in flustered annoyance, burying your face in his warm chest.

“Shut up, Hanta.” You used his first name to let him know he was pushing it. The head pats you received were close to compensation, but he had a long way to go.

Glancing over, you finally remember the movie the two of you were watching. You were about to fall asleep, so finishing it would have to wait until tomorrow. Actually…

“Hey, since we didn’t actually finish the movie, I can’t watch it again. I won the bet.” Watching his expression go from confusion to despair felt extra gratifying in that moment. He sputtered, trying and failing to come up with a reason to deny you. You’d found a loophole.

“Damn it…fine. You can have my Kuromi hoodie…brat.” You stuck your tongue out at him before cheering; you’d been after soft purple article for months.

Yeah, he was never gonna see that hoodie again…

Worth it.

[iikisa]

part 1

so. this is part one of a red dragon!krs fic ive been building up… this first chapter doesnt really have much much interesting scenes as of right now, and I’d love love love the input from everyone on how to continue, ideas for characters, and if theres anything i should consider changing!! that doesnt mean that i’ll be changing everything according to commenters, but i’d value all opinions to help build this plot 🥲

I’ve already finished around 3 similar length chapters and recently got stuck, so think of these posts as drafts and final revisions will probably go officially on AO3. thanks everyone 🤪

———

Oh, Pitiful Dragon (1)

-

Ever since his birth, the child longed for death. If it could take away his pain and grant his freedom, he’d trade anything he had so scarce of already. And on a particularly horrible day— the day that terrible man decided he would rip out his heart and use it for evil— the little child met a god.

The God of Death.

He thought it was ironic, seeing how soon his own demise was due soon. But this God didn’t come to reap his death, rather it came to propose a deal.

And the red dragon would accept any deal to be free of this pitiful life.

-

Kim Roksoo awoke suddenly from his slumber. His vision was black and only began to adjust to his blurred version after continuous blinking. Why was it so dark? And how had he fallen asleep? He was just finishing Volume 5 of The Birth of a Hero series and now— wait, are those chains?!

His eyes blew open and his vision was finally adjusted to the pitch darkness that surrounded him. He tried to stand but winced when pain spiked all across his body. Only then did he realize just how badly injured he was. Why was he so weak? Had someone kidnapped and beat him to a pulp?! He was completely blinded by the inexplicable pain that he hadn’t realized something much more important. No— wait, pain is important! It’s definitely concerning! But… why was his whole body covered in crimson scales?

‘Oh geez, well isn’t this new.’

Shortly after he had that thought he passed out from exhaustion and shock.

-

When Kim Roksoo woke again, he was practically being strangled. He quickly gasped for air and focused in on his current situation. He was being held up tightly by a metal collar on his (very, very sore) neck by some strange man in front of him. His hair was a long, spiky mess of blond and didn’t look very well-maintained. But his eyes… they were bloodshot red and had a crazed glint to them.

‘Crazy bastard…!’

Roksoo’s breathing was beginning to strain more and more, and suddenly he felt something prick beneath his scales painfully. He looked down and saw a clear tube running from his body all the way through an open passageway not so far from him. His blood began flowing through it.

‘Blood— They’re.. taking my blood?’

His thoughts were becoming even more incoherent by the second but after securing the clear tube into the little red dragon, the crazed man dropped him to the floor.

“You’re blood is so pure and vibrant, it’s so beautiful.. just like the color of your scales! It will definitely aid our liege and his cause. Haha!”

All Roksoo could think of was how crazy this lunatic was. He was still heavily panting, because honestly when was he not at this point, but thankfully he hadn’t passed out again. Instead, he glared with all his being towards the crazy bastard standing above him. Unfortunately, it only seemed to excite the lunatic even more.

“Maybe I really should visit you more. That look in your eyes gives me chills!”

Mumbling to himself, the psycho soon left the room through the very passage his blood was being drawn towards, and Roksoo was left alone; unprotected and cold. He hated feeling this way. These people didn’t seem to want him alive for so long, considering his “luxury” treatment. He was going to miserably die at their hands sooner or later. And he was too weak to do anything about it.

His eyes suddenly flashed with memories— no, records— of his fight with the second unranked monster to plague Korea. Lee Soohyuk and Choi Jungsoo… he had let them die. It was his fault and he knew it. It was something he’d regret for the rest of his life. But… they had told him to keep living. To keep living for them. He couldn’t die. It didn’t matter how he got into this situation. He’d rather crawl in shit than die this pathetically. He’d survive his new predicament— this new life that’s been granted to him. He’d survive.

He’d definitely survive to smack these bastards in the back one day.

-

Roksoo had spent weeks in that dark hell. His blood continued to flow from his body to somewhere unknown, he was paid violent visits by that lunatic, and he got weaker and weaker because of it. But his will didn’t waver for a second. Whenever someone came in to check on him, he’d mark it in his mind every time. Soon enough, he learned their patterns and found openings. He finally had a plan to escape this hell, no matter how many holes there were.. it was a chance.

With his limited information, there was only so far he could get, but somewhere deep inside him, he knew he’d manage. So, he followed his instincts. The minute his opening came, he used all the strength he had gathered and focused.

‘Concentrate. Concentrate on that feeling you’ve been accumulating, Roksoo!’

Suddenly, Roksoo felt as if he’d achieved some sort of enlightenment like the ones described in murim stories. He felt an overwhelming warmth spread throughout his body and a rush of adrenaline pumped through his veins exponentially. This power… He didn’t know where it had suddenly manifested from, but he was sure now. He could get out of here using it. His mind and body began working beyond their limits, and eventually everything around him felt like it was moving at a snails pace.

‘Instant..?’

His second ability from his past life, Instant. Time would seize and he could move freely for a short while. With a heavy cost on his body of course.

‘But this… it’s similar to instant, but it’s not completely it. I think— No, I can definitely handle this much better than what I’ve been able to before in Korea.’

His new body must’ve integrated Instant into another power. And this new power was about to help him escape. A small smirk graced his torn and bloodied face. Perfect.

Shackles that were tying his limbs down shattered beneath the little dragon’s feet in the blink of an eye, and in a literal instant he was darting across the passage with his slashed and scarred limbs.

‘Keep going. I have to keep going and get out of here!’

He was sprinting through the corridors, and if anybody had looked his way all they would’ve seen was a long, red blur. A bright light was beginning to seep in between the cracks in the ceiling of the dark man-made cave he was confined in.

‘Screw the consequences, we’re blasting through!’

With incredible speed, Roksoo was right beneath the seeping cracks of light and expanded his unused wings for the first time. His wingspan barely fit within the wide corridor as he spread them out and up, blasting off from his spot on the ground and flying like a rocket towards the ceiling. He was making it out.

Just as he impacted and the dust and debris had shot up everywhere, he spotted a few individuals standing far off in the sunlight. The most notable was a red haired main of fairly tall stature completely frozen in place by Roksoo’s sudden escapade. He wore a strange white mask over his upper face, his eyes a bright red with hints of brown. The person looked far to similar to Roksoo. His prominent crimson red and his own piercing reddish-brown eyes. They would’ve looked entirely the same if it weren’t for Roksoo’s current form.

He only locked eyes with the man for a split second, and continued shooting up into the sky. He began to hear shouts and alarms blaring within his vicinity. He had been encaged in a mountain with a large encampment stealthily surrounding it. He’d remember this exact spot.

Massive fireballs and arrows began piercing the sky in an attempt to bring Roksoo down, but he clumsily maneuvered around each and just barely grazed a few on his crimson scales. Suddenly, a blinding white spear had crossed his vision. And before he knew it, another had pierced right through his wing, tearing it open a considerable amount. Roksoo stifled the cry of pain that threatened escaping his lips, and instead gritted his teeth and continued to fly towards any kind of safety. Anything other than here will be safe, he just needs to lose these bastards first. The adrenaline rush he had originally received numbed all the pain in his body, but he knew that wouldn’t last with his current levels. He had to make use of every last bit of this power that he had in him.

He flew over an ocean and kept flying as far away as he could. Eventually he reached the mainland. The forest underneath him was dark and vast, a perfect hiding spot. He glides over the tree-line and with his remaining strength he just barely managed a suitable landing right by a flowing river. His landing was a little on the rough side and he was still so sore, but… he had finally made it out. He was successful. Now, he could truly live a slacker life! Wait— he still needs to get back at the bastards who had tortured him in the first place. Ah.. he also needs to secure enough funds for his slacker life as well.

Sigh.

Roksoo had much to do before he got to live a peaceful life.

‘But first, let’s just lay here a little while longer…’

Roksoo succumbed to his exhaustion and pain, entering a deep slumber.

———

THANKS FOR READING to the end !! please let me know ur input, things i could change, add, etc, i lack a lot in this field and value ur feedback ! 😋

[bonefall]

instead of asking what parts of wind you’ll be getting rid of, i’ll instead ask what parts you’re keeping. the list is shorter then haha

FROSTPAW AND WHISTLEPAW.

Best part of Wind is the bond between these two, in fact, the entire plot about WindClan felt like it dropped out of the alternate universe where the books are good. The sudden dream of catastrophe, the way StarClan gave Frostpaw this sign on purpose to make them know she's legitimate, Whistlepaw injuring herself to try and save her little sister... Even the little details, like Nightcloud and Hootwhisker trying to drag the tree by the trunk, were neat to see.

I Dont Rewrite Arcs Until They Are Done BUT I do know that I'm going to elevate and expand what's going on with Frost and Whistle. They're fantastic.

Another small thing I'm actually planning on keeping is this exchange between Squilf and Jayfeather, which you'll probably find surprising since I'm so open about how much I dislike the way they've made Squilfstar less proactive;

In a better book, I think this could have been a GREAT moment.

What I dislike about this exchange is that Squilf is able to rebuke it, because the writers DO feel that Bramblestar was a good leader. They're trying to show that Squilfstar is going to act more "mature" (read: boring) with her role now, probably to make a point about how Bramblestar wasn't being "indecisive" for the 10 years we were stuck with him but "responsible." Basically, she gets the power and finds out it isn't so easy-- I'll even bet at some point in the next arc or two she'll become frustrated by someone acting the way she used to.

I've seen some people praising this, and like, it's not illegal to have bad taste. But I think this is an AWFUL thing to do with a character who could have finally caused interesting things to happen, on top of just feeling like contempt of criticism on behalf of the writers.

"Ohhhh they thought she would be more decisive than our beloved baby boy, WELL, WE'LL SHOW THEM. You will sit through 10 paragraphs of debate no matter WHO is in charge!!!"

But like I said....... in a better book, this could have been great. If this was a wake-up call for her.

Suddenly experiencing the full weight of responsibility upon herself, she stops making bold decisions. The complicated political situation in front of her, individual opinions of her Clan around her, and the wounded glares of the furious Brambleclaw below her are all acting like briar vines, pulling her down.

Even StarClan itself seems to have placed a weight on her, cats who she's followed faithfully and been punished by.

So Jayfeather, with all of the changes he has in BB, brawling with angels, speaking defiance to the stars, and pulling spirits down from the heavens, is the perfect cat to be honest with her.

I'm still trying to find a good way to describe the electricity between them in this moment. BB!Jayfeather once reached up his paw through the veil between life and death to grab her ankle and fetch her from her own trial, knowing that she wanted to keep living. He's part of whatever motion she took to remove Bramblestar from power. Her son, her cleric, her ally. How do I put these emotions into words?

"Did you come this far just to become someone else?"

Just... what a moment it could be. For this to be the second that Squilfstar realizes in spite of everything, Bramblestar's thorns still jab at her. That she has to move forward, DAMN the uncertainty, by being herself.

[riordanness]

enchanté — [n.sheff]

wordcount: 1.2K

warnings: none

requested: no

tags: @honey-ambrosia my wife <33 (send her love or else)

a/n: idk?? i just had a random idea while watching this movie for the first time so enjoy i guess. nic is defo ooc, doesn’t do drugs in this fic either, and i know basically none of the movie plot yet. feel free to request nic sheff fics tho! <3

“Nice to meet you.” I smile; and shake my new roommate's hand. He seems nice enough, with pretty green eyes and curly brown hair.

He smiles back, then heads into our dorm room. I turn back to my conversation with the other girls in our hallway. Turns out there wasn’t an even number of girls or boys this year, so I got shoved into a dorm room with a guy. Not that that’s the worst thing that could’ve happened to me; he’s kinda cute.

One of the other new girls, I think she said her name was Alexa, nudges me. “Damn, I wish I was the not-so-unlucky girl stuck with a boy. He is hot.”

I shrug. “He’s not bad. He’s probably got a girlfriend though. Or he’s gay.” I nudge her back. “Doesn’t matter that much; he’s probably the kind of guy who spends all his time not in his dorm room. More time alone for me.”

I say goodbye and turn towards my bedroom door. I stop just before it, though, when I hear voices.

“Yeah, she seems nice, she’s just in the hall,” I hear my roommate say. I’m not entirely sure who he’s talking to, but then another person speaks, a much older man, and I remember his father is here.

“I feel for you though…” His father laughs, and I hear the sound of cds clacking together, and I realise that they’re my cds.

I internally cringe. Why did I decide to set up my cds? My roommate definitely thinks I’m a total loser freak now. I visualise my collection. Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Chase Atlantic, Melanie Martinez, Joshua Bassett, and the Chainsmokers. Pretty much screams ‘basic white girl’ doesn’t it?

I knock on the doorframe, stepping into view. “Hey,” I say, waving a little at his father. “Nice to meet you.”

My roommate’s father hastily shoves my cds back onto my desk. “You too. I’m Nic’s father.” He stands and offers me his hand. I shake it, offering a smile.

“Well…” Nic’s father pats his pockets. “I’d best be going.” He gives his son a hug, who stands and grips his father tightly.

I feel awkward, like I’m interrupting something.

“Everything,” Nic whispers.

“Everything.”

Though I have no idea what that means, I think it’s adorable.

His father leaves, and the two of us stand for a moment. Then I drop my bag on the floor next to my bed and flop myself onto it.

“What’s your name?” Nic asks quietly. “I’m Nic.”

I prop myself up on one elbow. “I know. I’m y/n.”

He nods. “Cool.”

There’s silence for a couple more seconds, more than feels comfortable.

I blow out my breath. “My friend thinks you’re cute.”

He laughs in surprise. “Is that a pick-up line?”

“No.” I glance at him. “She literally does think that.”

“Okay.” Another pause. “My dad thinks your music taste sucks.”

I glance over at my cd collection, which is now in an unorganised pile on my desk, compliments to Nic’s father. “Mm.”

“It’s not bad, though,” he offers. “I love Chase Atlantic.”

I raise an eyebrow, and meet his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

“Mhmmm. Vibes, Into It, Friends, Meddle About, CALL ME BACK, Church, some of my favourite songs ever.”

I make an impressed face. “Okay, okay. I’ll accept that.”

“The other stuff though?” He makes a face. “Taylor Swift? Really?”

I sit up. “Yes. Taylor Swift really.” I grab my notebook out of my bag and relax onto my pillows. “Now shh while I write this idea down.”

He suddenly looks interested. “You write?”

“Duh.”

“No, no,” he tries to backtrack. “I mean, I write too. That’s why I’m here. To study writing.”

I look at him over the top of my notebook. “You? A writer?” i don’t mean to sound incredulous, but I probably do.

He nods sincerely. “I love to write. What kind of things do you write?”

“Umm…” I stare up at the ceiling. “All kinds. Poetry, fiction, lyrics, fanfiction, essays, critiques, anything really. I just love anything to do with words and writing.” I swing my legs over the side of my bed, facing him. “What about you?”

“Me too. Anything.”

I nod. “Can I read something of yours sometime?”

He shoots me a crooked smile. “Only if I can read yours.”

“Deal.”

We shake hands, and I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t flutter a little.

It’s been six weeks of sharing a dorm with Nic Sheff, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love every second.

Turns out, he’s amazing. At like, everything. His writing is incredible, at least the little I’ve seen so far. He can skateboard like nobody’s business. He can sing, speak French, and apparently, braid hair. (I know from experience, trust me on this).

“Hey, tresses,” Nic says, throwing his backpack on the floor, and himself on my bed.

I was at my desk, trying to study. “Hey,” I reply absentmindedly.

“You got class this afternoon?” he asks.

“Mhm.”

“Same one as me?”

“Probably.”

“Y/n…” he whines, picking up my Spider-Man squishmallow and throwing it at me. “Pay attention to me.”

I glance up. “What?”

“Do you have the poetry class in twenty minutes? The one we both take?” He asks the question slowly.

I read my timetable quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Okay. Let’s go then, it’s a bit of a walk and we do not want to be late.”

I shut my laptop. “Fine. Let’s go then.”

He jokingly offers me his arm, and instead of taking it like a lady, I hit him. “Ow, y/n!” he complains.

I giggle. “Come on, Nic. We don’t wanna be late.” I mimic his earlier words.

He rolls his eyes. “You’re awful, tresses.”

“You love me.”

He doesn’t reply to that.

“Alright, Mr Steff, would you like to read your poem aloud now?” Mr Day asks the boy.

Nic glances nervously at me, for some reason, then stands as he nods at our teacher. “Yes, sir.”

He unfolds a crumpled piece of paper, clears his throat, and licks his lips in the cute way he always does when he’s worried or nervous.

“Mon amour,

Oh, how I adore you.

The way you make me feel, my love,

it’s like I’d give anything for one of your smiles.

The fact that I can’t say ‘je vous aime’,

well, ça me tue à l’intérieur.

j’ai été enchanté de te rencontrer,

mon amour.

je pense que tu es á ma place.

Mon amour,

Oh, how I adore you.

Je vous aime.”

A brief silence follows Nic’s poem, then a round of applause, louder than any I’d heard here before.

He looks at me, and for a split second I don’t know why. Then it clicks.

“Me?” I ask weakly. “You wrote that… for me?”

He smiles shyly. “I love you.”

The whole class cheers, and we get another round of applause.

My mouth is open, and my heart is racing, but I know I want to say it too. But for some reason, when I open my mouth, the words won’t come out. So I do the only other thing I can think of.

I stand up, grab Nic by the collar, and pull him into a kiss.

The cheering gets a whole lot louder after that.

translation:

“My love,

Oh, how I adore you.

The way you make me feel, my love,

it’s like I’d give anything for one of your smiles.

The fact that I can’t say ‘I love you’,

Well, it kills me inside.

I was enchanted to meet you,

my love.

I think you belong with me.

My love,

Oh, how I adore you.

I love you.”

[atlasofthestaars]

[MK X READER] New Era - Chapter .009

first part | previous part | next part

NOTE: I actually looked at my notes and went huh, I can compress the rest of the ideas into one chapter, so next chapter we’ll kinda be getting back on track with the plot!

This chapter we will be having a poll for Ashrah, and this is the last love interest poll! I’ll still do polls from time to time to have some sort of reader interactivity, but it won’t be as frequent (though next chapter DOES have a bit of a special poll though haha)

As usual, taking votes on Ashrah for a week, aka until the tumblr poll ends.

Also I never mentioned this but?? Sadly, Rain didn’t get in the love interest line up, but don’t fret! He will still be relevant to the plot in other ways :D Mileena, on the other hand, did get in! 

FROM THE EYES OF ONE WHO COOKS FOR OTHERS

It turns out, you enjoyed cooking far more than you realized.

“Here, I’m positive this is your favorite.”

Handing Kenshi the meal, you grinned at him, a small hint of smugness in your grin. You admired your own handiwork. You had taken the liberty to pack it in a bento box this time, to match the Japanese cuisine you had made for him.

“You’re very bold claiming that.” Kenshi commented, raising an eyebrow as he looked at you. Yet on his face was a small, amused smile. His gaze dropped to inspect the box, and a small hum left his lips as he nodded approvingly at the way it was packaged. “You even used a bento box, nice attention to detail.”

“I try.” You said playfully, laying a hand on your chest. “I’ll have you know I went out of my way to obtain one just for you.” 

“I’m honored.” Kenshi replied in a light, playful way that reflected yours. 

You watched with bated breath as he opened the bento box. With satisfaction, you watched as the expectant look on his face gave way to one of shock. You crossed your arms smugly, basking in the pride you felt at his reaction. 

“This…is actually my favorite.” Kenshi said in awe, eyes searching the bento box as he scanned all the items in front of him. His eyes glanced from you, back down to the food, back to you with surprise evident on his face. His eyebrows furrowed as he processed the situation in front of him. “How did you guess this so accurately?”

“Just because I’m not a god like Lord Liu Kang doesn’t mean I don’t have tricks of my own.” You said vaguely. It was best not to mention how you had a hazy memory of cooking this food for him in your past life. You watched as the swordsman’s eyebrows rose, but ultimately he did not question you. Still, you watched as he pursed his lips. 

“It was a lucky guess, wasn’t it?” He asked, and you let out a small chuckle.

“Nope, I just have really good intuition.” You replied, grinning at the man still. His eyes narrowed, seeming unsatisfied with your vague and ultimately illogical answer. He glanced down again, scanning the food, scrutinizing it again.

“That’s basically the same thing as luck, if you think about it.” He pointed out with a small huff. He challenged you with a long stare.

“No.” You quickly replied, a small pout on your lips now. “Luck is guessing something out of nothing.” You pointed out before gesturing to him. “I used intuition. That means I used what I knew about you to guess what your favorite food was.” You shrugged. “That’s the difference, see?”

“And you think I look like someone who enjoys this type of food?” Kenshi inquired, trying to see if he could get more information out of you. You could tell from the tone of his voice he was being playful still. You gestured to the bento box with a sly look on your face. You glanced down at it, before looking back up at him.

“Well, I made it for you, hm?” You replied, with a tone that screamed ‘isn’t it obvious?’ “And from what you told me, I got it absolutely correct.” You continued, crossing your arms as you saw him sigh.

“I guess you did.” He conceded as he nodded. Kenshi then smiled at you, something that you weren’t all too familiar with, but found charming nevertheless. “Thank you.” He said, before pausing. “This will be nice to eat. I haven’t had any Japanese food since I left the Yakuza.” 

“No problem.” You told him. Too absorbed in your glee, you put a hand on his shoulder and pat it. “If you ever want me to make you more, just let me know.” You told him, sending him a wink. “You’re the one who helped me improve my cooking so far.” You glanced at the sky. “Well, it’s time for me to go, let me know what you think of it next time.” 

You left, and Kenshi was left staring after you, watching you for a few moments. The peace and quiet lasted for a few mere moments before Johnny Cage came strolling in, looking between Kenshi and you who was walking off in the distance.

“You having a moment or something, tattoo?” Johnny asked as he glanced between you two again. He peered over Kenshi’s shoulder as he inspected the food. “Hah, teach gave you some food? Let me try.” He said, before reaching out to grab a piece of it. He let out a small ‘ow’ as his hand was quickly smacked away. 

“This isn’t yours, Cage.” Kenshi huffed, glaring at the actor. Johnny put his hands up in surrender, letting out a snicker at the protective look on the swordsman’s face. He then, before anyone else could try and get their hands on his food, grabbed a piece of the food and popped it into his mouth.

It tasted like home.

“Kung Lao is here.” 

Opening the door to the kitchen, Liu Kang peered in. The smell of wonderful, delicious food wafted his way. Even the god himself felt hungry from the scent of your cooking alone, and he even was able to resist Madam Bo’s food. There was clanging of pots and pans, and the hissing of food as it hit the hot pans. 

“Okay, give me a moment!” You called out, glancing over your shoulder. You turned off the heat, quickly dumping the finished food into a bowl on the side.You could continue your cooking endeavor later. You wiped off the sweat that had formed on your brow. You had been standing over the stove for a while now, slaving away at making a wonderful dinner to which you’d be serving later for the Lin Kuei trio.

“Alright, I’ll have him wait.” The fire god called out before he closed the door, letting you finish doing what you had been doing.

With a sigh you stepped back and leaned on the wall. The air even a few steps away from the stove felt refreshing. You stood, letting the air cool you off a bit more before you stepped out of the kitchen. You quickly made your way to your room, grabbing the package Liu Kang had given you a day ago before rushing off to the room where people usually waited when they sought out an audience with Liu Kang.

“Hi, sorry for the wait!” You greeted, still feeling a little sweaty as you briskly walked over to Kung Lao. You watched as he looked at you in surprise. You supposed it was because he had never seen you to the point of exertion like this. After all, you rarely broke a sweat during their training. He had a similar reaction when you had shown up to train them in bandages after your sparring with Bi-Han a while ago, so your assumption probably wasn’t too far off.

“It’s all fine.” Kung Lao said, waving off your apology. He rubbed his hands together in excitement as he got up. You noted his casual clothes, and it warmed your heart as it reminded you of the movie nights you all had every month or so. He approached you, and his glee was infectious as a smile nearly as bright as his appeared on your face.

“Okay, this should be the last prototype, but it’s pretty much the final product.” You told him, carefully opening the box. The result of the hat within the box was you and Kung Lao discussing how to better innovate and design a hat that suited him. Not only in terms of a weapon, but also as a fashion item since he consistently mentioned wanting to wear it everywhere.

“What’s the point of making it a hat if I can’t wear it everywhere?” The former farmhand had insisted to you many months ago, when he had pointed at the hat which had been much too heavy to wear comfortably. You had sighed but agreed. He did have a point. 

It also comforted you to know that some things never seemed to change, such as Kung Lao’s devotion to his hat.

Lifting the hat out of the box, Kung Lao held it with some reverence. His eyes sparkled with delight as he held it up. He first inspected it from all angles, marveling over the precise craftsmanship that went into creating the perfect weapon that happened to be a hat. 

You sent him a look as his finger traced the razor sharp edge. It was the same look you sent him to warn him to be careful everytime he did it. He rolled his eyes, but in a playful manner. You scoffed lightheartedly in return.

“You’re going to cut your finger on it one day, Kung Lao.” You warned lightly, raising an eyebrow at him.

“But I haven’t yet.” Kung Lao bragged cockily. He withdrew his finger from the bladed edge, cut free. He wiggled his fingers smugly to show that fact off. “See? I am already a professional around this thing.” He said with utmost confidence. You sighed and shook your head.

“If I ever hear word that you end up cutting your finger on the edge, I’ll never let you hear the end of it.” You promised as you smiled at him teasingly. You watched as his eyebrows raised before a sly grin appeared on his face. He leaned forward with a small chuckle.

“Hah! That won’t happen.” He scoffed, and you could tell that his ego was growing again. You rolled your eyes as you pushed him back lightly. Kung Lao let out a loud chuckle, amused by the banter that happened between you. This back and forth, it felt natural. For a moment, you looked at him and remembered simpler times with him and Liu Kang.

Your heart squeezed, a feeling you won’t ever be able to truly suppress no matter how many times it occurred.

“Oh really, want to put your money where your mouth is?” You propose, trying to ignore the way your heart yearned for a life you no longer had. You watched as Kung Lao’s grin grew wider. If there was one thing you had learned from training him, it was that the man from Fengjian loved to bet. It was something you caught your students doing often due to his influence.

“You’re finally making a bet with me?” Kung Lao asked, a tone of excitement in his voice. While it wasn’t often, you had a bet tossed your way here and there. You had turned them down previously, but now it was different now that you were the one proposing the bet. 

“That’s what I asked you, no?” You sassed him, raising your eyebrows. 

“Then I gladly accept a bet with you.” Kung Lao graciously accepted, tilting his head. “Just a shame that our first bet together will have a guaranteed loss on your end.” He added on. The pure confidence in your tone had you letting out a chuckle of disbelief.

“Calm down, we haven’t even set up the terms of our bet.” You reminded him, all too amused by his pride. Still, your words did not make the confident and smug look on his face waver at all. He truly believed in himself, a trait you somewhat admired.

“I’ll win either way.” Kung Lao quipped, which made you roll your eyes again. It was an action you found yourself doing often around the man, no matter how much he amused you. “How about this, you stop sending me that look you do everytime I do this…” The former farmhand traced his finger along the blade’s edge once more. Instinctively, you found yourself doing the look he was referring to. “For a week. And if I prove I don’t need that reminder to not cut my finger, then I win.”

“Do I get penalized if I accidentally send you the look?” 

“I’ll be generous and say no.” Kung Lao said, his smug look turning a tad bit more cheeky as he looked at you. “All I need to do is prove that I won’t cut my fingers on this hat.” He claimed, and you nodded, not finding anything wrong with the terms he had. “Loser has to do whatever the winner wants.” He declares.

You let out a hum, now thinking of the terms of winning the bet. You closed your eyes, recalling how prideful Kung Lao was. He would probably be his own downfall, honestly.

A small voice whispered in your head telling you he already did, reminding you of the visions of his untimely death in another life haunting you.

“Alright, I accept.” You hastily replied, trying to ignore the voice that sent chills down your back. You stuck your hand out to seal the deal. Almost instantly, he grabbed yours and shook it in a firm handshake. You smiled.

His hand was softer than you were expecting.

“I hope you’re prepared to lose.” He taunted, putting the hat back in the box with his free hand that held the hat. He seemed satisfied enough with the final product. You sighed and squeezed his hand as if challenging him.

“Don’t be so quick to think yourself victorious, Kung Lao.” You warned lightly before letting go of his hand. How his hand felt lingered in your mind a few more minutes before you saw his face turn a little sheepish as he looked down at your torso. You raised an eyebrow and looked down, completely forgetting the apron you had donned.

“Had I been interrupting something?” He inquired, an innocent tone to his voice. You let out a small laugh as you waved off his question. How unusual for him to have that tone of voice. You shook his head, and he nodded, now a curious look on his face.

“Don’t worry about it, you had just interrupted me making dinner. I’m inviting the three Lin Kuei men who had tested you. Don’t worry about being an interruption though, I was the one who asked you to drop by.” You told him, reassuring him that he had not been a bother at all.

“You…cook?” Kung Lao said, processing your words. You nodded slowly, rubbing the back of your neck.

“Yeah, Madam Bo taught me.” You watched as Kung Lao’s jaw dropped in surprise. You shrugged causally, looking at him. “Who do you think was giving Kenshi all that food?” You asked. You watched as he processed all of this, and gasped.

“You cook like Madam Bo, and didn’t give me any?” He inquired, the tone of his voice indicating you’ve committed a crime akin to a sin. You laughed at the absurdity of his reaction, he was more of a food lover than you had presumed. 

“I needed criticism to improve, Kung Lao.” You watched him pout at your excuse, probably thinking it wasn’t good enough. “I promise I’ll give you some food soon enough, okay?” You told him, placing a hand on your hip. You watched as he perked up.

“You’ll be doing that regardless, since I’m planning on making you make me a feast once I win our bet.” Kung Lao declared, and you sighed. You pat down your apron, trying to clean it before you went back into the kitchen.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind when you lose, Kung Lao.” You remarked, grinning at him mischievously. You grabbed his shoulder, pushing him towards the entrance of the Fire Temple. “Now go back and rest, I have to go prepare dinner.” You told him, knowing he would delay longer to see if you could also make him a meal.

“Don’t forget your promise!” He called over his shoulder as he began to walk off, a boisterous laugh leaving his lips as he began to walk off. You nodded, reassuring him that you would as long as he stayed on your good side. You sighed as you looked up into the sky, trying to gauge how much time you had left before you had to serve the Lin Kuei brothers.

You had time.

Turning on your heel, you briskly walked back to the kitchen to work away once again.

“You were very prepared for tonight.”

“I know.” You replied, trying not to feel too smug as you led the trio of men into the dining room you had set up. It was much more fancy today than usual, seeing as you didn’t bother to try and decorate much when Liu Kang ate with you. 

All types of food were spread across the table, from entrees to side dishes. You also had desserts planned, but you had them stashed away to allow the main courses to shine. Impressively, all of it looked fresh, hot, and ready to eat. You watched the trio’s reactions, and how they varied. 

Kuai Liang seemed appreciative of the whole ordeal. A small, rare smile was spread across his lips. His eyes slowly scanned the foods you had on display, analyzing them carefully as if each were a precious art piece. Then, his eyes made their way towards yours and he nodded.

Tomas was very eager, his eyes wide and searching. They darted to and fro, as if he could not settle on what he wanted to eat first. His grin was bigger, and he leaned forward just slightly. You watched as he inhaled deeply, and let out a sigh of longing.

Bi-Han’s reaction was the most subtle. He, as usual, had his resting face on. Yet, at the same time, you could see how his eyes widened slightly, almost as if there were a gleam in his eyes. He also scanned the dishes, but once they landed on a dish you knew was his was favorite, he honed in on it. He glanced away and towards you, a small huff leaving his lips. And dare you say it, you could say the corners of his lips were upturned.

He was smiling. Maybe not the most obvious one, but it was one nevertheless.

Okay, maybe you could afford to let your ego grow a little bit. It’s not everyday you get some of the best Lin Kuei fawning over your cooking.

You made your way to your spot on the table. It was the same spot you always sat at whenever you ate with Liu Kang. You just had a sentimental attachment to it, though you would never admit it outloud. You watched as Bi-Han claimed the seat beside you, and Tomas was across from you. That left Kuai Liang sitting the farthest from you.

“Eat up!” You told them, before grabbing the foods you wanted and sliding them onto your plate. The air was filled with the clinks of dishes being moved around. Here and there there would be a request to pass a dish over.

“This is amazing!” Tomas piped up after a few minutes. On his face was one of the most delighted expressions you’ve ever seen on him. You grinned at him, a surge of pride running through you. You watched with joy as he almost greedily put more of your cooking on his plate. “I wish we had this type of cooking back at the temple.”

“I must agree.” Kuai Liang spoke, nodding. Though he was not as fast as Tomas in eating his meal, you were surprised to see that he had eaten it more quickly than you had expected. “This is delicious, I did not know you were this talented at cooking.” He commended.

Instinctively, you glanced over to Bi-Han. To your surprise, he was silently adding more onto his plate, having almost finished the initial amount he had put on. He looked up from his plate, glancing over to you. His eyes narrowed at your expectant gaze before he tore his eyes away.

“It’s good.” He began, and your jaw dropped a bit at the clear praise. “The Lin Kuei’s cooking standards should be brought up to match these.” Bi-Han continued, which greatly increased your ego. You looked away to preserve your pride by not grinning like a madman.

“Oh it’s nothing.” You said, trying to downplay how happy you felt at their compliments. “I owe it all to Madam Bo, honestly.” You told them, only to feel Bi-Han’s stare.

“Teachings can only get you so far.” Bi-Han pointed out, making your eyebrow raise. He looked away from you to take another bite of your cooking, leaving you to ponder over his words as he ate. “With skill like this, you are far more competent than what you make yourself out to be.”

“Bi-Han’s right.” Tomas spoke up, giving you an encouraging look. “You’re really good!” Kuai Liang nodded in agreement as he silently continued to eat their meal. With their compliments combined, you felt your face grow warm. You looked downwards, a bit shyly and continued to eat.

“You, Lord Liu Kang, and your students are going to Outworld for the tournament soon, correct?” Scorpion inquired, looking up at you. You nodded, taking another bite of your food. “Do you have any idea of who, out of all of your students, will be chosen to compete?”

“Hmm…” You hummed, pondering over the question as you chewed your food slowly. “I think any of them are capable of becoming champion.” You responded, shrugging. “They all show promise.” You let out another hum. “But if I had to choose, I think it would be between Kung Lao and Raiden.” 

“The two from the exam?” Bi-Han inquired, his eyebrows raising slightly. At your nod, he huffed. “I recall Kung Lao being presumptuous. I hope your teachings have burst his ego.” He mentioned, and you vaguely remember Bi-Han scoffing at him long ago.

“He’s gotten better.” You say, smiling as you reflect at the progress you have done with your students over the months you’ve been put in charge of them. “Kung Lao is still prideful though, but not too much.” You paused, letting out a small chuckle. “Most times, at least.” 

“Are you excited to go to Outworld?” Smoke asked. You nodded in response. The three were not aware of your potential connection with Outworld. Still, you had previously mentioned to them how you were eager for the chance to travel to another realm. They just simply didn’t know why or how eager you were. 

“I am. Lord Liu Kang tells me it’s a wonderful, breathtaking place.” You mentioned a small smile on your lips as you heard the small voice in your head that you might finally be able to unlock more memories. “If I find any interesting trinkets, I’ll be sure to bring them back for you guys.”

“You do not need to, but it would be appreciated.” Kuai Liang said, looking at you with eyes that glimmered with appreciation at the mere promise. “I would not want you to worry over gifts for us instead of enjoying the atmosphere.”

“Oh it’d be no issue, trust me.” You reassured him, your smile growing wider.

The rest of the night was filled with lighthearted banter, for the most part, and delicious food. It was nice, having the brothers all together. Still, a bubble of worry formed within you as you all ate. They were all playing nice now, but Kuai Liang’s words of concern echoed in your head.

Was Bi-Han really set on a self destructive path that would tear the brothers apart? 

The with closeness of the brothers right now, you didn’t want to believe it. Bi-Han may not show his love for his brothers clearly, but he still cared. Or at least, you thought so. Kuai Liang was not one to worry over such things so easily.

A fire of determination burned in your heart as you bid the trio goodnight. You watched as Bi-Han led them away, and a sigh left your lips. You stood on the bridge, soaking in the moonlight for a few moments more.

You would mend whatever rift was going to tear them apart, no matter what.

“What is all of this?”

Looking up from the little set up, you smiled at the perplexed expression on Raiden’s face. You had invited him out for one last training session before the champion exam. It was nearly a week before you all were going to go to Outworld. For all the months you’ve trained him, Raiden had been very diligent and grown much.

So instead of a training session, you decided you would reward him instead. Maybe it was a little bit biased, but the expression on his face alone right now made it all worth it.

“It’s a reward.” You said simply, standing up. You gestured to the picnic you’ve set up in the courtyard. It was nearly perfect. The stars, the moon, they were all so much prettier tonight. It was the perfect night sky for a late night picnic. “I thought instead of training you to the bone, we could celebrate tonight instead for your growth.”

“You didn’t have to do this.” Raiden said, his voice full of awe as he walked over. You sent him a look that told him not to be so humble, not now. He let out a small chuckle as he walked over. You sat down and so did he. He looked over to the spread you had lying out. “This all looks wonderful.” He marvels.

“I hope so. I made it all myself.” You bragged, watching with a bit of satisfaction as his expression turned amazed. 

“You did?” He asked, and you nodded. He looked back over to the food with more scrutiny. “I’m honored you made this all, thank you.” He said, his voice full of reverence. He reached out, his hand hovering over some food. The former farmer glanced back at you. “May I?”

“Go right ahead, I made this mostly for you.” You said, grinning as you gestured for him to dig in. You leaned over, grabbing some food for yourself. “I still will eat some too, so don’t you worry.” You let out a small hum of satisfaction as you ate it, enjoying the flavor you had created.

You and Raiden ate, savoring the flavors of the food you made. Silence passed between the both of you for a few moments, finding comfort in simply sitting near each other.

“This is really good.” Raiden complimented after swallowing his bite. His eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to think. Then, a look of recognition appeared on his face. “This cooking actually reminds me of Madam Bo’s actually.” 

“Well, I suppose the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” You commented, grinning slyly at Raiden’s shocked expression when the realization dawned on him.

“Madam Bo taught you how to cook?” He inquired, glancing between you and the food you had created. You nodded, setting down your food for a moment to stretch. You sighed in satisfaction as you felt your joints pop. You really needed to stretch more.

“Is it really that surprising?” You inquired, a teasing tone to your voice as you looked over to Raiden. A look of shock appeared on his features, as realization settled on his features. An almost bashful look appeared on his features as he shook his head.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that!” Raiden quickly said, which made you laugh. You rolled your eyes playfully as you lightly nudged his shoulder.

“I’m kidding Raiden.” You told him, a small mischievous look on your lips still. “But yes, Madam Bo did teach me.” You said, a small nostalgic tone to your voice as you looked over the slowly dwindling amount of food that you were sharing. “She was very insistent that I learn from her.”

“I see.” Raiden ate a bit more food, seeming to savor it even more now. An appreciative smile appeared on his face as he indulged in the food you gave him. “I think I like this even more than Madam Bo’s cooking.” He mentioned. looking up at you with that smile of his. Letting out a surprised laugh, you playfully nudged him again.

“Hah! Don’t let Madam Bo hear that!” You teased, grinning at him. You weren’t certain if he was being polite or not. But, you were compelled to believe him with the sincere way he said those words. Raiden’s smile grew bigger.

“She’d probably stuff me full of food until I pop if I said that around her.” Raiden admitted, laughing alongside you.

Soon enough, the food was all finished, it disappearing quickly as you two conversed. It tasted even better with such lovely company. You packed things up in the small basket you brought, with Raiden helping. Even when the surprise was for him, he still found a way to try and work.

“Did you still want me to train tonight?” The man inquired, raising an eyebrow as he helped finish packing up the stuff, except for the blanket the two of you were sitting on. You sighed and shook your head, sending him an exasperated look. Even after al that, he was thinking about training?

And you thought you were the workaholic.

“We’re not training tonight, you have an important exam tomorrow.” You reminded him, sending him an amused look. You pat the space beside you, having him scoot a bit closer to you. You laid down, letting out another sigh as you stared at the stars above you.

“Let’s just observe and enjoy the beauty of the sky tonight.” You proposed, taking in the beauty of the sky. It was magnificent. The sky seemed to be particularly clear tonight, the stars above twinkling brightly. The moon was nice and full. and seemed to be even bigger, allowing for a breathtaking view.

You heard the sound of Raiden also laying down next to you, also taking a moment to lie down. Minutes passed, a comfortable silence once again settling in. It was just you and him, staring up at the stars and taking in the view.

It was times like this you remember just how lucky you are to be able to witness such a thing.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” You asked, searching the stars. You spotted the constellations in the sky you remembered reading about in a few of the books lying around the Fire Temple. Raiden was sent out of his daze when you spoke. 

Raiden blinked, looking over to you. His stare lingered on you instead, admiring you instead of the galaxy above. You were too wrapped up in looking at the stars to notice the way he looked at you and how his cheeks warmed up.

There was a moment as he stared at you, realizing how fortunate he was to be by your side.

“Yes…yes they are beautiful.”

part ten

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot pt 18

Pairing: Onesided!Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Modern!Fem!Reader

Words: 5041

The two of you are irresponsible. Things end up fine, anyways.

Tags: Time Travel, Reader into Movieverse, Dragons: Defenders of Berk, Race To Fireworm Island, unedited, part one

<Previous - Next>

“Yak dung, if ye brew’t ri’gh, yae can-”

You stared out at sea, legs stood apart, fur boots planted firmly against the wooden deck, fists on your hips and smelt the sea, which was a lot less fishy and foul than it had been by the docks, where stall owners tended to drop their fish guts.

Listening to the other two sailors talk was kind of boring. Apparently Yaks weren’t native to this part of the world. They were a far off import from a long time ago, which explained why Gobber and the other Vikings treated them like they were the ultimate cure-all.

“Aye, how abou’ we talk about something besides yak dung, you old frigate? I ‘prom I can’ ‘nit bear one more momen’ of- of-” The younger man spoke, voice tinged with a bit of roboticism and a definite note of disinterest. 

The last you checked, he was quite gruffly doing his best to untangle the knotted fronts of an old, frayed net, probably rife with holes.

Everyone was a warrior, few got to be nothing besides that.

Berk’s close knit community kept anyone from really falling into poverty unless they sucked or were new, but the few fishermen here on Berk that were unlucky enough to end up poor tended to have heavier accents than everyone else, spending most of their pay on their dying ships, in contrast to some of the other boats, with hardy shiphands and large decorated, painted sides.

This one, the one you were on, was old and small but incredibly hardy, though it felt like it might sink down in still waters. As you heard, it did surprisingly well during a storm.

Family boats died hard, it seemed. And he was very insistent that that boat ran in his family.

It took a while for you to ascertain the knowledge that here, you were actually supposed to poop on a poop deck, not that you wanted to. It was more like you’d been shown how they did it which was very similar to just leaning their butt over the side railing and roughing it in front of everyone.

You did not enjoy that show.

You didn’t think anyone here was there for that boat trip. You found that very good.

You were at sea with two other sailors, an old man, large but frail as his boat, and a younger middle aged man who had very little interest in anything but the nets.

The sea was oddly still though still windy as you felt through your very casual tunic and trousers. You figured it would be a waste to wear more.

A thick pouch attached to your hip bounced against your waist as the ship rocked. 

Today, you were a fisherman’s hired helping hand. It was a while since you’d helped on a ship. It was usually the poorer ones who couldn’t afford anyone hardier who pulled you up.

You were slightly pleased with it, though, as you raked across the sky with your eyes. Lunch was cheaper when you were part of the team catching it.

In the sky, you spotted the few birds brave enough to squeak and squeal and flip with dragons lurking around the clouds.

With a burst of enthusiasm, you waved up at them as they dotted the sky.

There were a few groups, not all clear enough for you to make out any more than a dot. And a little further back… There were what looked like the Riders.

You could make out the bright blur form of Stormfly and Astrid’s blonde head of hair on top. Behind her is who you thought were the twins.

You wondered where they were off to.

You eep-ed as a dot separated from the flock.

As the dot grew larger on the horizon, as you recognized the dark, swooping wings of the Night Fury and as it came closer, you realized, of course, that it was Hiccup and Toothless.

“Alr’gh, lass, You grab one end of the net and I’ll-” The old fisherman grumbled from behind, before cutting himself off, “By jove, what’s he want from ‘ere?”

His long, gray beard and ponytail shifted with the wind, and bald spot, which you presumed was caused prematurely a long time ago, half marred by a barely noticeable burn scar, slightly reflected the glare of the sun.

“Speak not of the Romans here, ol’ man,” The younger fisherman grumbled as you glanced back, his unevenly chopped, short brown hair blowing wildly as he limped and dragging his feet up behind him.

The old fishermen’s thin, threadbare brown fur tunic bollywood in the wind. It was patchy, something most Vikings on Berk could relate to but none would be bothered by besides the poorer, without the coin or resources to procure a new bit of fabric to replace.

Your own clothes were thin and not enough during the best of times.

You turned back up to the sky, nearly startled to see how far both Hiccup and Toothless had traveled in such little time, then backed up as they got nearer and nearer, quickly moving to compensate as they pul;led right up to the side.

The ship rocked dangerously as Toothless landed against the side, this fishing boat being a bit smaller than was typical, also positioned dangerously close to a set of rocks just barely peeking out of the water.

“Oi!” The old fisherman shouted angrily, as a spray of water rained down on them from above, just barely missing you, “Watch it, you-!”

“You watch i’, yae old man,” The brown haired fisherman said abruptly, scowling and fixing his accent and twisting his torso, sort of lanky but not nearly enough to be ousted from viking hood, dropping his net and coming over to cover the old man’s mouth, “Tha’s the Chief’s son.”

You winced, imagining his fishy breath over your own fingers, holding some pity for him though he didn’t look like he wanted or needed it.

Hiccup laughed awkwardly and winced, peering back at the rocks as Toothless sniffed around disinterestedly. 

“We go’ no fish for ye, beast!” The old man yowled raspily, throwing off the younger man’s hand and shaking his fist.

Hiccup looked at the fisherman with a slight grimace though he didn’t say anything.

You blew a puff of air out into the ether, looking to the side and inhaling a new, fresh breath and feeling the lungs in your chest expand as you did.

These kinds of spats were not something you had a particular interest in.

Hiccup neither, it seemed.

“Hi?” He asked awkwardly, turning his attention away from them and looking down at you from where he was seated on Toothless, whose claws were digging into the railing, which you were sure was going to give the old fisherman an ulcer later.

“Hello,” You responded. You supposed that by now you should be feeling at least a little bit of Deja Vu but you really did not at all, “Where are you off to?”

“So, ah, how’s…?” Hiccup asked awkwardly, “Is now a bad time?”

You both stared back at the older fisherman who was now squabbling with the brown haired guy, who was busy holding him back, his arms hooked under the back of the old fisherman’s.

“It’s been… fine,” You said, “He’s kind of crazy, I think. Don’t mind it much.”

“Right…”

You heard a loud sniff as what must’ve been Toothless knocked over a small barrel on the other end of the ship, causing some weird-smelling liquid to spill over onto the deck.

“Shouldn’t they be doing better, with all the dragons nearby? You know…” Hiccup gentured down towards the head of his dragon, sniffing at a few closed baskets by the side of the boat, “...Fish?”

“No, ah,” You hummed, nodding to the dingy floorboards and the frayed everything; this vessel wasn’t even painted, a great deal smaller than the other ships, “There’s more fish now because of the dragons doing less hunting, which means an easier catch, food has to cost less in order to feed more and to sell and because most people can probably catch their own fish, and also this boat is kind of…” 

You cleared your throat, shaking off the remnants of the fisherman’s accent, lingering along the edges of your voice.

You didn’t pick up on the whole thing until very, very recently but on the regular, you spoke in a way that was more formal than the rest of Berk.Of course, you knew you had an accent, but often you found that as you spent more time with the villagers, in an effort to be more polite, you tried to adapt the accents of the people you were speaking to in order to mask your own foreign one.

  It helped, some.

“Right,” Hiccup said again, “We’re- we’re looking for Fireworms. The others and I. I should probably…”

“For Snotlout?” You asked.

You looked back and then up towards Hiccup again. They usually managed just fine without you, and it was an awfully calm day.

Would you leave them behind? 

To be fair, if you stayed, you were sure to get an earful. So you didn’t feel bad about it at all.

“How did you know?” Hiccup asked. 

You squinted. 

Hiccup was positioned just so that the sun glared down from around him, which was a bit painful to your eyes.

“Well…” You started.

There wasn’t much the Riders did that had anything to do with the Jorgensons when Snotlout wasn’t involved and the ‘Louts had been particularly grabby recently. What wasn’t for them?

They took the island very seriously and themselves even more so as the ‘protectors of the island.’

From your interactions with the rest of the Jorgenson house and, more importantly, the head, you knew Spitelout was very rough on Snotlout.  

Depending on the Jorgenson, they were either sort of wasteful or wasteless to an unreasonable degree, throwing things out before they could be fixed and using old, broken tools even after it became incredibly dangerous to do so, but they were also very rich compared to some of the other families on Berk so it didn’t really matter. 

They had to have the best of everything in people and things, or something like that. Which usually left only crumbs for the rest of everybody.

You’d heard some of the women by the square complaining as you scoured over their crumbs and dry pickings.

You didn’t mind it. Berk was pretty first-come first-serve, anyways.

Until it came to dragons.

Everyone on Berk stuck to the typical types of dragons whenever they were forced to find a mount, not because they preferred it that way, though it wasn’t something you found to cause any dissent in particular. 

“Gut feeling,” You shrugged, going with the easy explanation, “Do you need any help?”

It was difficult to find any type outside of a Dragon Training course, of course, those being a roster of the most common native dragons. The other kinds were a bit harder to stumble across. Any of the ‘exotic’ types of dragon mounts were something to be proud of, and proud of them they were, the few Vikings who had the time and resources to expend. 

There were a few squabbles about it but nothing too major. Most Vikings were still a little dragon shy anyhow. The whole argument was kind of silly.

Having a dragon was about more than the type of dragon, anyways.

 It didn’t matter much to you, a person without a dragon. 

There was a fisherman who was quite proud of his exotic dragon- a Scauldron. He’d picked it up a little bit after the incident with the purple flowers.

It helped a lot with fishing.

“Well… Are you busy?” Hiccup asked, albeit a tad unsurely.

“Not particularly,” You said, staring back at the old fisherman, also a bit unsure. 

Adventuring with Hiccup would make it easier to avoid the old fisherman, who, now that you thought about it, was a bit off and who you imagined was very close to blowing his top.

“Really?” Hiccup asked, looking a little guilty, eyes darting back towards the fishermen behind you.

He pointed a shaking hand towards you, spluttering messily as the brown haired Viking guy scrambled for some of the ropes along one of the poles along the back end of the ship, still not letting go of his arm.

“Yeah,” You said, beaming as Hiccup scooted forward, urging Toothless to turn around with his foot, causing the boat to rock a bit and you to back up, adjusting to the dragon as he swung wide.

Hiccup made a sheepish smile and offered you the space behind him on his saddle, though he kept his eyes on the fisherman behind.

You pretended you saw nothing. You thought the scene they were making resembled something out of the world’s blandest comedy show, or an old cartoon. 

He paid pennies, anyway.

“Someone should be by with a Scauldron in case you need help,” You called back, “I heard the rainbow big ship was out today.”

“Not tha’ barrel! The other! Can’t you see the difference?” The old fisherman made a rude gesture and shouted as Toothless took the initiative to do a bit more exploring.

He shook free enough to grab something thick, dark and viscous from a wooden tankard to the side and throw it towards Toothless.

Hiccup shifted awkwardly as he responded, “I don't see the difference…?” 

You yelped and jumped back and scrambled up on Toothless behind him as the glob landed right by your feet. 

Looked like your refreshing day out at sea was over. You could always go fishing another day.

You tossed the fisherman back his coin, holding it between your fingers and flipping it to him with your thumb before he could say anything, shooting off a quick, “I’m sorry!”

He jumped down and grabbed for it, though the brown haired fisherman caught it with some minor exhaustion.

You turned away and lightly nudged Hiccup’s arm, hurting before the old fisherman could do something more crass. Like his bare bottom over the railing. Sure, you may have had to know the sight once, but it was still irritating. And gross.

Hiccup kicked Toothless quickly off and up into the sky. You could feel the wind bursting past your face, much more biting now that you were once again without your coat.

You rotated your shoulder slightly after you slipped into the saddle behind Hiccup, arms sore from all the rowing you did earlier, which was difficult considered your arms were clenched around his waist.

“Fireworm island?” You asked, “Which ones are Fireworms, again?”

“They’re the small orange glowy ones,” Hiccup spoke past the rushing wind, though it didn’t seem like he was particularly rushed, bumping your shoulder with his as he glanced back.

“I don’t think I’ve seen those yet,” You said as you locked your arms around his waist, Toothless moving at rocketing speeds.

“We’re heading back towards Berk?” You asked. 

“Yeah. We were just- Well-” Hiccup struggled, “Recouping. Navigating. Splitting ground.”

“Splitting? What’s your-? You know.”

“I’m not- I left too early,” Hiccup said, embarrassedly at nearly a shout, “I was hoping you might know- Ah– But the- I know some of the fishermen used to use Fireworms as bait.”

He cut off then, but you got the gist of it.

“Why don’t we try a different island?” You asked, fighting against the wind as Hiccup and Toothless reoriented them all, nearly flipping over.

You imagined what Fishlegs would say; ‘There’s an island for that!’

It seemed like there was an island for everything. Was there one for Fireworms?

You wondered what Berk was the island for.

You didn’t need to be close friends to know for sure. 

It was bare. 

You pushed through another set of ferns, following quickly behind Hiccup as the two of you trudged through a thick set of trees.

You really hoped you hadn’t messed up and someone ended up dead, or something.

People would riot. Chase you off for sure.

You heard people talking about moving more into the forests where there were more resources and privacy, the only thing having kept them in the village being the dragons.

You’d have to take refuge.

Another dock would be nice, you thought.

You wondered if the volcano on Dragon island was still active. That would make for a good second island, if the dragons didn’t mind a few human visitors. Roommates. Exile-ees.

You figured they’d probably rather they be left alone, though.

“Would using Gel from another Nightmare work? Or is it like blood transfusions?” You asked as you ducked under another low-hanging branch. 

You stepped over the gnarled roots of this tree quickly afterwards, the soles of your boots making an odd wet noise as it hit the damp undergrowth. 

The two of you had just hit a pretty soggy spot in the undergrowth and you knew Hiccup was worried it might turn into peat. 

You were close to suggesting that you head back and try another direction in the forest.

Said Hiccup looked at you oddly, brows cinched and raised as he tried to repeat your foreign modern words, “Blood transfusions?”

You puzzled over it for a moment, “Blood… exchange? Blood giving?”

“That…” Hiccup cringed, but he had the shadows of his idea face ghosting the corners of his expression. He was, also, probably wondering if it was just as unsanitary as it seemed, as a normally adjusted person should.

“It’s not as gross as it sounds, I promise.”

“Really?”

“I mean, everyone has different blood types, and you- Shouldn’t try it. Please don’t try it,” You said a bit quickly.

He didn’t have the medical equipment, at least not for blood.

It probably wasn’t safe anyways.

You hadn’t talked since before his Dad started asking you questions you didn’t want to think about. You refused to let it get awkward. Still, you hoped to find some Fireworms soon.

Toothless had run off earlier, chasing the likeness of a work into the trees. Hope was nearly lost.

Catching the worms was sort of difficult and the Fireworms had been sparse. You’d been out for what, thirty minutes? An hour?

You winced.

It was like trying to catch frogs with tweezers. How you imagined it, anyways.

You wondered if there were frogs here and if that was something Vikings did. You thought you saw a kid with a frog once. You wondered if Hiccup wanted to go catch frogs, and if he was the type of kid to have tried to do that. 

Maybe with friends? You weren’t sure.

He seemed a little solitary before the Red Death, though not by choice or any sort of personality quirk, at least nothing you would clock from the modern day.

You were afraid, though, that his only friend was Gobber which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, in and of itself.

“Toothless!” Hiccup tried then, calling again, cupping his hands around his mouth. 

You glanced down at his leg, which you noticed just then had sunk a bit deep into the mud. It was going to get caked later.

“No dice?” You asked, pulling yourself up a step.

“No dice,” Hiccup shook his head. He tried to hide it, but he was looking kind of glum. Which was understandable.

You squinted ahead as the way forward got lighter, blinking placidly into the treeline. 

Maybe you wouldn't have to turn back after all. 

You kept moving forwards. 

Hiccup had a sort of stormy, contemplative expression on his face a for a while, and so you’d given him the space to think.

You weren’t particularly pressed to speak yourself, in a mood that made you just as happy with silence as exercising your vocal cords.

“Spitelout… Snotlout hadn’t said anything but I’m sure he wants him to- …” Hiccup spoke, after a while.

“Kill Hookfang?” You asked.

You likened it -the idea- to euthanasia for older animals or animals that were too sick to function anymore. But you had the inkling that that’s not exactly the type of person Spitelout was. 

It was still unreasonable, though. You hadn’t exhausted half your resources yet, you thought. If there was still a chance you’d be able to save Snotlout’s dragon…

You felt sort of bad for Hiccup.

Dragons were his thing, after all. “I should have told the others where I was going,” Hiccup sighed, gesturing with his hands as he stopped suddenly, then letting them fall until they slapped soundlessly against his legs, “I can’t believe I messed up this bad.”

You moved up beside him to see his face, lips pursed into a thin line as he looked exhaustively up into the thin pin-ey canopy above, “It’s not that bad.”

He looked at you guiltily then, though you had the feeling he wasn’t looking at you with guilt any more than you being the cause of it. Did he regret stopping by to pick you up? Coming to another island?

“It’s fine,” You tried, before adding hopefully, comforting yourself a little bit, “We don’t know if it’s a mistake, yet. These things happen, and you never know.”

“My Dad is going to kick me out and I’m going to have to spend every night from now on until I die eating alone.” Hiccup spoke dryly.

“I’ll be here,” You suggested helpfully, “And if you get kicked off I promise I’ll visit with things. So you don’t drop. Like fresh water and probably beads, maybe.”

“Well, thanks, I bet they’ll taste great mixed up with a plate of loneliness and self-loathing,” Hiccup said sarcastically, waving his hands at his sides, before pausing, as if remembering who he was talking to. 

You snorted, a little bit surprised.

He’d not spent so much time being any more sarcastic than awkward whenever you were together. 

You thought it was a little bit funny and a little bit worrying. If things went wrong it was probably your fault, anyways. For messing with the plot. 

Had you really, though? The thought came unbidden. What had you done besides just existing? That was a guiltless action. 

Had that been all you had been doing?

You internally shook, brushing thoughts of those things away.

You didn’t want to do any pondering.

“You’d be fine, minus the indigestion, probably. You have a lot of things going for you,” You nodded.

“My sharp intellect and dashing charm,” Hiccup said, keeping his elbows close to his sides and gesturing to himself emphatically in a way that was incredibly sarcastic and slightly gawky.

“Yes,” You said firmly as you nodded besides, your side brushing fully past another fern as you went, “I mean, you’re a good inventor. I can’t name another one on the island- really, I’m sure I heard your Dad talking about it the other day-  ‘I could leave that boy alone for a week and he’d have me a city built on a whole other island by the time I got back.’”

You didn’t talk to many people so you mostly kept that bit to yourself.

“Wow, that’s…”

“A bit crazy?” You hummed, lifting your boot and jumping back slightly as you stepped into a particularly wet, boggy patch of grass.

“A lot of pressure,” Hiccup gestured aimlessly with his hands again, the glass beads threaded into the twine around his wrists twinkling slightly as he rotated them.

He seemed kind of crushed, suddenly. 

“I’m really not that good at… Prioritizing, I guess. Anything. All of this.” 

They were yellow today. Yellow and light green. You hadn’t noticed, too focused on staying atop Toothless in the sky earlier and on the fauna after you’d landed.

You looked down as you stepped up onto a short dry patch, kicking aside a few pebbles with your muddied boot toes and grabbing a hold of a thin branch, sticking up out of a log as you pulled yourself over.

“I hope he didn’t mean it literally,” You said, shrugging. But then you immediately felt guilty for it, glancing up from your feet back to Hiccup, “It’s- I mean, things happen-And- You don’t have to be good at it. I mean, you’re doing it. Who else is going to?”

You stopped for a moment and took that time to let out a large exhale.

You felt like you fumbled the conversation before you even moved your mouth again. 

“Right,” Hiccup looked at you unsurely before peering around the underbrush, “I guess. But everyone expects me to. I shouldn’t be saying this, but I don’t- …know how.”

Hiccup grimaced, looking like he had a heavy set of weights on his shoulders. Which, he might’ve.

You hadn’t had any in a while besides the need for food and board.

It made you wonder. Did you expect anything from Hiccup?

“Can you…? Gods, do you even know what I’m talking about?” Hiccup continued, burying his face in his hands, throwing his head up exaggeratedly as he rubbed his face, one hand lingering longer than the other.

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye as he did, “I didn’t mean-...”

He sighed heavily, defeated.

You looked at him for a moment, halted.

You ignored how your feet were sore and your back was starting to hurt from spending the whole day on your feet. This was no place to sit and rest, however, not even for a minute. You wouldn’t stop for more than a minute. 

Unless you wanted to be wet, that was. And froggy.

Way back on Berk, you were expected to take on responsibility a lot earlier than you were expected to in modern times so you guessed, in a way, you got it. And you wanted to tell him so.

You felt kind of odd about it all. 

Any direction you had you’d surely misplaced. Any path you knew was probably derailed- even this conversation you were sure wasn’t supposed to have happened. 

“I kind of know?” You said, “I get it, I mean. I haven’t been here for everything, but, you know, I’ve seen a lot. I don’t really have any good advice for you, though.”

You watched Hiccup slump slightly, grimacing as you spoke, feeling as if you’d failed some sort of test.

Who were you to ask for anything, really?

There was one thing you could give him, though. But similar to your own sleeves and patchy boots, which you liked a lot, you weren’t sure if it would count for much. 

“-And I’m sorry,” You said, before shrugging, not giving Hiccup a moment to think before you spoke again, “But I don’t expect anything you don’t want to give. Maybe, it would be hypocritical of me to ask for anything more than you are- I mean, I’m a delivery girl. I guess you know all that already, though, right? That you’re nice all on your own?”

You ended in a question, watching Hiccup as he watched you, searching for any more reaction. His reaction. Had you missed the mark? Was there even a mark to miss?

You hoped not. 

“Am I?” Hiccup asked, looking at you incredulously.

He gave you a wide-eyed look, some emotion you couldn’t name plastered all across his face.

You weren’t exactly an authority on the subject. You had been here, in the Archipelago, for a long while, but there were still many, many things you weren’t privy to.

“I think you are?” You took the lead by a few feet, urging Hiccup to subconsciously follow you forwards, hurrying the both of you up, “I don’t know what-I mean… Are you? I can’t really say. I’m not- the judge of- I think, honestly, the only one who can say what you are is- well. You? And you’d know better than me what you can handle. I don’t mind it, whatever it is you can or can’t do, I guess.”

You gestured back towards him as you glanced and turned away without actually looking, face heating up with an extra amount of embarrassment. 

You didn’t want to consider the idea that maybe you’d messed up, so you opted to ignore all of it. The idea that the whole conversation had happened in the first place.

Really, he was the main character. Why wouldn’t he know?

“I- ah, ph-what? I mean… Yeah?” Hiccup sputtered, following you as you through the forest around you, trying not to flinch as the water seeped through the bottom of your boots.

You shrug-nodded awkwardly, still staring ahead.

Thankfully, the damp earth began to grow firmer and the ferns grew thicker as you spoke until just by what you assumed to be the end of the treeline, where the sun shone brightest.

You pointed ahead, “I think there’s an opening up there.”

As you got closer, hurriedly trudging along though not too fast for Hiccup to keep up, you felt the beginnings and wisps of sea in the air.

You felt the beginnings of a rumble in your stomach as your anticipation grew.

So you had a little bit of an ulterior motive too, for rushing the two of you along. You were a little bit hungry, and you also had had no breakfast at all. A break would do Hiccup well too, you were sure.

You kept moving, the two of you in silence, until, finally, stepping past a particularly large front, framed by light that was almost glaring, considerably brighter than the kind you’d been subjected to in the smoggy underbrush-

The two of you had just broken out of the forest into a clear cliffside.

It was probably not too far away from where you’d initially landed. Geometric rock columns lined the cliffs’ edge, making the ground look almost like tiles, though some bits were slightly elevated over others. 

You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it.

“Look, how about we take a break? I have to… I have to figure out how we’re going to get back,” Hiccup looked back, in a way you imagined was exhaustive, into the trees, most likely thinking of Toothless. Yeah, that was a problem.

You were glad he said it first. 

[warrenwitches3]

Yuu inspired by odette from swan lake.

Sypnosis: where yuu was cursed in her old world to be a swan by day and a girl by night all for rejecting an angry old wizard, upon entering twisted wonderland she still has her curse but no other swan companions with her. She must try and brake the curse whilst struggling to attend a magic school (she’s kinda scared of everyone as they all are male wizards, and we know what happens with her last encounter with one)

Prologue

The sun was setting and dusk was making its short return before its sister night took over, out on a lake as clear as a gem on the royal crown, was a flock of swans all settling throughout the lake, sat in the middle surrounded by the others ever so still was one swan bigger and more beautiful then the rest, with feathers of pure white snow and a circlet with a singular gem sitting in the middle.

The swan lifted her gaze up to the setting sun making way for his sister the rising moon, her everlasting beauty shines upon the singular swan and the animal seemed to soak up her beautiful rays of light before the water that she sat on raised up surrounding her in a swirl of beautiful water magic before it dropped to reveal an ethereal girl standing on the waters surface taking in her own appearance. At the sight of her face and the touch of her hair a smile graced her face before she walked to the waters edge placing her feet on the wet sand of the shore.

The sound of horses and a carriage approaching caught the swan queen’s attention. Her head turned and saw a dark carriage descending upon her with horses that held a face she had never seen before on such animal. The carriage stopped in front of her and opened its door revealing a coffin, that was the last sight her newly human eyes saw before her back hit the shallow water and she entered the void.

NOTE: I just wanted to see how a swan attending NRC would be and now I have this, I wanna try and make yuu’s appearance as vague as possible so people can kinda imagine a self insert but I might make a few mistakes.

Somethings that yuu will be described to have is hair long enough to be styled in any way, be a white swan, sort of elegance to her, wearing a dress and circlet.

This will be following the plot of only having someone swear themself to her out of pure love be able to break the curse but thankfully no Odile and throwing ourself into lakes.

Im thinking of having Malleus or Leona maybe even Vil as the final love interest but I’ll need help for that decision so tell me who you think.

[suddencolds]

Foreign Home | [1/1]

hello!! I am back after 8 months of not-really-writing with an 8k word fic (which I cut down from 9k words). this is another OC fic w/ Vincent and Yves, who were introduced here!

anyways, this is very character-centric and establishes some things I wanted to establish about them / their world... I hope the little detour into character-development territory is okay.

Summary: Yves has told all of his friends that he's dating Vincent, so it's going to look increasingly suspicious if Vincent never shows up. Good thing Vincent is compellingly good at lying. Anyways, what could go wrong at a housewarming party? (ft. banter, fake dating, cat allergies)

—

Yves spends three weeks turning down invitations.

It’s lucky, he thinks, that he’s been able to stay in contact with so many friends from university—that so many of them have settled here, in New York. It’s less lucky considering his current circumstances:

Out of the people who made it to Margot’s New Year’s party, almost all of them remember Vincent. And—even more inconveniently—many of them seem set on inviting Yves and Vincent places.

Yves thinks up a dozen excuses. No, Vincent can’t join on our coffee outing—he’s got an important, un-reschedulable meeting with a client that Saturday. Sunday? His Sunday’s booked through until 5pm. I know, busy season is the worst to plan around. Or, I think Vincent’s going to be out for a business conference that weekend. The 22nd? I can check with him, but he’s taking a redeye flight the night before—I think he’ll be jet lagged.

The number of excuses he is capable of coming up with is unfortunately finite. Perhaps sorry, I think Vincent has an optometrist’s appointment that afternoon isn’t Yves’s best work, but he has to say something.

Really, it’s just more work to invite Vincent elsewhere—to explain that they’ve played their role as a couple a little too convincingly. That his friends all want to meet Vincent, now.

Back during his days of rowing crew, Yves has given out his fair share of relationship advice to the underclassmen, which has unfortunately—according to Margot—“cultivated an air of mystery about his personal love life.” It was always him and Erika, until it wasn’t. (Ex-matchmaker Yves and his mysterious, highly coveted new boyfriend, Leon says, when Yves complains, which is how Yves decides he will no longer be consulting Leon on the matter.)

“My friends really like you,” Yves says to Vincent, offhandedly, when he runs into him on the way back from lunch.

Vincent blinks at him. 

“You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing.”

“They really like you,” Yves says. “They want to meet you. They think we’re an interesting couple, and they keep pestering me for double dates and inviting you out to a whole bunch of events. I’m running out of excuses as to why you can’t come.”

“Oh,” Vincent says, deadpan, but there’s a slight twitch to his lips, as if he’s trying not to laugh.

“I’m dead serious,” Yves says. “I told Nora that you couldn’t make it to dinner because of an eye appointment. Now if I want to keep this up I’ll need to photoshop you with new glasses.”

“I am a little overdue for new glasses,” Vincent says.

“Not the point. Regardless, I need to keep this up until we stage a breakup.”

“A breakup?”

“A fake breakup. To our fake relationship.”

“Is there someone else you’re interested in?”

“No,” Yves says. “But I’m preemptively saving you the stress.”

“The stress of playing your boyfriend?” Vincent says. “Last time, that just entailed going to a well-organized New Year’s party. I wouldn’t consider that exceptionally stressful.”

“That’s just the beginning. Don’t tell me you want to be dragged along to every dinner party and every downtown outing and every birthday I go to in the foreseeable future,” Yves says. “On top of working 60 hours a week, you’ll have to say goodbye to your weekends.”

“So that’s why you’re plotting our breakup.”

“Yes,” Yves says. “I’d need to explain to everyone how I dropped the ball.”

“I’m sure those new glasses must’ve been the dealbreaker.”

Yves laughs. Truthfully, Vincent could wear the most terrible, unflattering glasses in the world and still manage to look like someone whom Yves wouldn’t bat an eye at upon spotting at a photoshoot. The fact that his current glasses actually complement him very well, and the fact that he knows how to dress himself is just salt to the wound. “Yes, that’s the entire reason why I dated you in the first place. The glasses.”

“If you wanted to keep our false relationship up for a couple months,” Vincent says, “I wouldn’t mind.”

Yves—who, until now, has been walking in the opposite direction of the floor on which he works—stops walking. “Pardon?”

“I like your friends,” Vincent says. “And more importantly, I don’t think it proves a point to Erika if you’ve just gotten into a relationship you couldn’t keep. So if you wanted to keep this arrangement for a little longer, I would be fine with it.”

Yves considers this.

He’s asked more than enough of Vincent already. But Vincent is right. He’s sure Erika must have her fair share of doubts about all of this—about Vincent, about their fake relationship, about its longevity. She seemed skeptical, when he’d last seen her, that Yves could’ve moved on so quickly. The worst thing about it is that he can’t blame her for that doubt. The worst thing about it is that he’d spent so much time accounting for his future with Erika that he hadn’t seen her start to slip away, hadn’t noticed the first sign of inadequacy, the first time her gaze lingered on someone else, the first time he ceased to be all that she wanted. He hadn’t steeled himself for a future without her, and now, half the time, it feels like he’s still playing catch-up.

If he wants to commit to this fake relationship, he’ll need more than one outing to show for it.

And, despite all odds, Vincent is offering just that.

“Okay,” Yves says, before he can think about how bad of an idea this is. It is really, really inadvisable. He’s sure if he weighs his options for more than a few seconds, he will come to the conclusion that he should be shutting his mouth. “If you’re sure—and only if you’re actually sure—what are your plans after work next Tuesday evening?”

“Nothing as of now,” Vincent says. 

“Great. If you can make it, there’s a potluck. Joel’s hosting. He recently finished moving into a new apartment, so I think it’s something of a housewarming party. He lives a little North, past the stadium, so I think I’ll head there right after work—I can drive you.” 

“That works,” Vincent says. “What kind of food does he like?”

“I’m not actually too sure,” Yves says. “I think he’s a fan of spicy food. But honestly, I think he’ll be grateful if you bring anything at all—which you don’t have to, by the way. You’re the esteemed guest, here.”

“I’m sure Joel’s new apartment is technically the esteemed guest,” Vincent says. “But I’ll be there.”

“Okay,” Yves says. “It’s a date. I’ll make it up to you in any way you want, by the way—if there’s ever an instance where you need me to lie for you, I’ll do it.”

“Duly noted,” Vincent says. For what Vincent would ever have to lie about, Yves can’t guess.

More importantly, he has a date for next Tuesday. Something about it is more exciting, even in its dishonesty, than it has any right to be.

—

It’s only a few moments after Yves presses the doorbell that Vincent emerges, holding a couple plates covered meticulously with aluminum foil.

“I haven’t cooked for anyone in awhile,” he says, a little sheepishly. “I hope this doesn’t make a bad impression on your friends.” “Are you kidding? It smells really good,” Yves says, and it does—from the doorway, he can make out the scent of sesame oil, roasted garlic, ginger. “They’ll definitely like it.”

Vincent looks off to the side. “We’ll see.” It takes a moment for Yves to properly parse his expression for what it is.

It never occurred to Yves that Vincent might actually be nervous. At work, it’s rare to see Vincent even remotely out of his element—he always volunteers to take on their more difficult clients, and even on the rare occasion that something falls out of his expertise, he picks things up quickly. Yves has seen him give presentations at conferences without a sweat, articulate as ever. 

If Vincent had been nervous, those times—over prestigious conferences, over negotiations with major clients, over other difficult points of contention—it hadn’t shown. Either he wasn’t nervous at all, or he was just good at hiding it. But he’s nervous now, Yves realizes, which means— 

Vincent wants to make a good impression on his friends. It won’t be his first time meeting Joel, but it’ll be his first time talking to Cherie, Joel’s fiancé, or Giselle, one of Cherie’s friends from work. Mikhail and Nora will be there too. All in all, it’s a decently sized group, but Vincent has talked to larger groups of people before without so much as a shaky voice.

Something about it—about the seriousness with which Vincent regards this whole arrangement—is strangely endearing.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Yves says, and means it in more ways than one.

—

Joel’s new apartment, as it turns out, is already decently furnished, even though Joel had sent out the invitation with the disclaimer that everything is a mess, please bear with us.

“When you said everything would be a mess,” Yves says, leaving his shoes in a line at the door, “I thought your apartment would actually be something other than spotlessly clean and well arranged.”

“It’s easy to make things look neat if you move all of the clutter into the closets,” Joel says.

“It’s just a few boxes,” Cherie says. “But it was tricky to figure out how to place things. It’s a lot more spacious than the apartment we had in college.”

“No kidding,” Yves says. “It’s a seriously nice place.” Back in their last two years of university, Joel and Cherie had gotten an apartment just a few buildings down from the apartment which Yves picked out with Mikhail—they had similar floor plans. Yves distinctly remembers the space: creaky floorboards, space heaters lined up against the walls to last them the winter; decent natural lighting, and never enough kitchen space.

Back then, he and Mikhail had had separate rooms, so their apartment became a spot in which Erika became a frequent visitor, and then, at one point, stopped visiting at all. 

But that’s not the point. The point is, the apartment Joel and Cherie have picked out is much nicer than the one they’d had in college—for one, it’s more spacious, and the entire building has nice facilities and looks newer—and Cherie’s eye for interior design has only helped their cause.

“I’m glad you were able to come!” Cherie says, turning to Vincent. “Yves is always telling me about how busy you are with work.”

“He’s the one putting out all the fires,” Yves says. 

Vincent smiles, extending a hand for her to shake. “Cherie, right? It’s nice to meet you. And you’re—” He turns to Joel, with a slight sniffle. “Joel. I think we met last time.”

Cherie squeezes his hand. Joel laughs and says, “I’m surprised you remember my name.”

“He’s good with names,” Yves says. An acquired skill from all the hours of networking, probably.

“That’s a useful skill to have, especially if you’re dating Yves,” Joel says. “I swear he knows everyone.” He goes on to tell a story about how, back in university, Yves almost accidentally got elected as vice president for a business club he’d only shown up to once.

At some point into the conversation, Yves ducks into the kitchen to help with setup. He sets out the dish he’s brought—salmon sliders with mango salsa—and the beef skewers that Vincent made earlier (he’s not sure why Vincent was worried in the first place, because the skewers look very competently made). After that, he busies himself with finding a way to keep everything temporarily covered until they eat.

Something soft and fuzzy winds around his ankles.

He looks down, and the soft and fuzzy thing looks back at him with pointy triangular ears. This is news to Yves.

“You guys have a cat?!” He shouts from the kitchen, vaguely in the direction where Joel and Cherie should still be standing. “Since when?”

“Since a month ago,” Joel shouts back.

“Her name is Gingersnap,” Cherie adds. “Gin for short.”

“Oh,” Yves says, kneeling down to scratch her behind the ears. His hands are a little calloused from all the snow he’s been shoveling lately, but Gingersnap purrs anyways, evidently unbothered. “What the hell, guys, now I’m never going to be able to leave your apartment. Consider me a permanent resident.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Cherie says.

At some point, Gingersnap gets up, mewing, and heads out of the kitchen, and Yves resumes life as an active contributor to the potluck’s success. When he finishes reheating everything up, setting the table, arranging the dishes, and filling up two pitchers with iced water, he wanders back out into the living room. Vincent is there, alone, except he’s not really alone, because…

Oh.

God.

He’s kneeling down, unmoving, speaking to Gingersnap in a soft, low voice, holding out a hand for her.

She approaches him, a little tentatively, and then nuzzles her orange head into the crook of his hand. Vincent smiles—a soft, private smile. “Hi, Gin,” he says.

There’s the low, lawnmower hum of a purr as Gingersnap rolls onto the ground to let Vincent continue petting her. It’s a heartwarming sight—Vincent, from the office, crouched down to pet a cat that’s smaller than his hand. Yves thinks he might cry.

Then Vincent withdraws his hand, reaches up with an arm to swipe at his eyes. Something jolts through his shoulders, a tremor so slight that Yves wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t already been watching—

“—nGkt-!”

Gingersnap mews at him, perplexed but undeterred. “Sorry,” Vincent says to her, quietly, “I’m not trying— to—” It’s all he can get out before he’s veering away again, this time with both hands tightly steepled over his nose for—

“hhIH’—GKKtt-!”

He sniffles softly, though the sniffle is immediately followed by a small, quiet cough. He reaches up with one hand to rub his nose. Yves watches his expression draw uneven, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“hhIH…”

Whatever sneeze he’s fighting seems terribly indecisive—but terribly irritating—for the way he rubs his nose again, his eyes squeezing shut in ticklish anticipation.

“HhIH… hh… HH-hhH-hHIHh—”

 He cups a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound, and not a moment too early—

“—hIHh’iiIKKTSHh-!”His shoulders jolt forwards with the force of it, though it gives him barely a moment’s reprieve before his breath hitches again, sharply, urgently. “IiI’DSZCHuuhh-!”

“Bless you,” Yves says.

Vincent turns to blink at him. His eyes are a little red-rimmed and watering. There’s a thin flush over the bridge of his nose.

“You didn’t tell me you were allergic to cats,” Yves says, rounding the corner to close the distance between them.

“Slightly allergic,” Vincent admits, turning aside with a liquid sniffle. “It’s ndot - hhIHH-! - a big deal.”

“I didn’t know Joel and Cherie had a cat,” Yves says. “I’m sorry. I would’ve told you if they did.”

“It’s fine,” Vincent says, with a laugh. “I like her.”

“You might like her, but your body doesn’t seem to be a fan.”

“It’s a good thing that I have a consciousness, so I can codtinue petting her.” Vincent sniffles again, lifting one hand to rub his nose with his index finger. Yves does not know how to even begin to tell him what an inadvisable idea that is, but either way, he doesn’t have a chance to before Vincent’s eyes graze shut, and he turns to face away from Gingersnap before he jerks forward, catching a muffled - “Hh’GKK-t!” - into a clenched fist.

“Bless you,” Yves says. “You know, you’re really not going to make the situation any better if you keep on—”

“nNGKT-!!”

“—bless you!”

“hh—hHhih’iiKKsHHhUH!” The last sneeze is noticeably harsher than the others—it sounds loud enough to scrape against his throat, which seems to be further evidenced by the small cough that succeeds it.

“I’ll ask Joel if he has any antihistamines,” Yves says. 

“It’s fide,” Vincent says. 

“If you insist on spending time with Gingersnap, wouldn’t it be better to spend it without having to sneeze?”

“I would still have to sdeeze,” Vincent says, as if he’s already experienced in the matter—briefly, Yves wonders how many cats he inadvisably plays with on a frequent basis. “Just less.”

“That would be an improvement.”

Vincent looks away. “Antihistamines mbake me tired,” he says, after a little hesitation. 

“It’s a good time to be tired,” Yves says. “It’s not like you have any pressing work to get done.”

“I want to make a good ibpression on your friends,” Vincent says, wiping at his eyes with the edge of his sleeve. “That’s ndot going to happen if I fall asleep halfway through dinner.”

“If you did, I’m sure no one would fault you for it.”

“I’ll take something after we finish eating,” Vincent says. “If things haved’t improved by then. ”

“Okay,” Yves relents, and—since it doesn’t seem like Vincent is leaving anytime soon—takes a seat next to him on the rug. It’s a compromise he can accept.

—

Nora gets there next, followed by Mikhail and then Giselle. It’s Yves’s first time formally meeting Giselle, who turns out to be very tall and a little intimidating—she’s come straight from work, so she’s dressed accordingly, and she talks with the sort of quiet authority that Yves knows is usually indicative of years of experience. Right before they sit down for dinner, Vincent ducks out into the bathroom—‘I need to look at least marginally presentable,’ he’d said, seeming like he was in a rush—so Yves saves him a seat at the table. 

“Yves,” Giselle says, taking another salmon slider. “You made these entirely from scratch? This is delicious.” 

“Thanks,” Yves says. “To be honest, it was a bit of a gamble. I wasn’t sure if the sauce was going to pair well with it.”

“Yves is really good at cooking,” Mikhail says. “That’s half the reason why I roomed with him in college.”

“So what’s the other half?” Cherie says. 

“The other half is that he lets me eat his food,” Mikhail says.

Yves laughs. “For a second, I thought you’d have something nice to say about my personality.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Mikhail says. 

“Yves is very good at cooking,” Vincent says, emerging from the hallway. Yves blinks at him. Whatever he’d done in the bathroom has done wonders—he looks remarkably put together. Not a strand of his hair is out of place. His eyes are dry, not red, not teary, not irritated, his collar crisply upright, his voice devoid of congestion. The only telltale sign about his ailment is the slight bit of redness to his nose, but it’s winter—that could easily be chalked up to the cold.

He slips easily into the seat next to Yves, his posture impeccable. Yves does everything in his power not to stare. 

“I think he’s responsible for some of the best hot chocolate I’ve had,” Vincent continues. That remark is surprising, too—repurposed from a memory as it is, it seems almost like something that could be genuine.

But Yves remembers how easily Vincent had lied, back on New Year’s—how easily he’d drawn the fictitious threads between them, almost thoughtlessly, as if they had always existed. 

I could make better hot chocolate, Yves thinks, before he can stop himself. I could really make the best hot chocolate you’ve ever tasted, if I just had time. It’s an absurd thought, and one that he doesn’t have much grounds for. He had been pressed for time, back then—he hadn’t known when Vincent’s ride was going to be arriving—but even if he’d really, properly tried, even if he’d succeeded in making the best hot chocolate he’s capable of making, there’s no guarantee that Vincent would’ve liked it.

He’s surprised by the pang in his chest, now, the desire to make true something that he knows to be false, to be worthy of the compliments that Vincent’s so easily spoken about.

“That’s definitely an exaggeration,” Yves says. “Technically, Mikhail didn’t even know that I knew how to cook when we signed the lease. The real reason why we roomed together is much more interesting.”

It’s a story he’s told before, though Cherie and Giselle haven’t heard it before. It’s easy to fall into it again: Mikhail and Yves met in their first year, over a group project in an intro to finance class. The two other members of their team had been dead weight, and at the time, Yves had thought—incorrectly—that Mikhail was just as bad as the rest of them.

It’s practically a comedy of errors—a series of miscommunications had led them to each finish the project independently. Yves remembers the all-nighters he’d pulled for that, nervous and over-caffeinated, until the day before the presentation, where he found that Mikhail had not—unlike the other members of their group—spent the last few weeks slacking off. 

Beside him, Vincent goes still.

When Yves chances a quick look at him, he sees: a slight, almost imperceptible ripple to his expression, before it smooths out again.

He nearly backtracks—his first thought is that perhaps something he’s said is the source of Vincent’s irritation—but then Vincent turns his face away. There’s the slightest disturbance to the line of his shoulders, and then—

“—gkT-!”

The sneeze is barely audible, stifled as it is into a half-closed palm, though the gesture is subtle, too—easily mistaken as Vincent simply looking away, resting his chin on his hand.

“I can’t believe you guys are still friends after all of that,” Nora says.

“Right,” Yves says. “I was so ready to never talk to him again. But obviously, we still had to give the presentation.”

He talks about how, in a half-asleep effort to salvage the project work, he and Mikhail had found some way to relate their findings to each other, to loosely bind the disparate subjects into a coherent thesis. Mikhail talks, too, about how they’d manipulated their presentation to get their combined work to seem sufficiently on topic.

Mikhail is halfway through his story when Yves sees Vincent jolt forward beside him.

He looks up just in time to catch the tail end of a sneeze—expertly stifled, just like the others—into a clenched fist. This one’s a little more forceful, even in its quietness—it leaves Vincent hunched over for just a moment, his shoulders slightly slumped, before he straightens again, covertly lowering his hand.

There’s a slightly hazy, distant look to his features, as if whatever’s been bothering him hasn’t begun to let up yet.

Yves nudges him with his arm. Vincent doesn’t exactly jump at the contact, but he does freeze, his shoulders stiffening.

“Hey,” Yves says, quietly enough that he doesn’t think anyone else should be able to hear. “You okay?”

Vincent nods.

“You sure you don’t want to take anything?”

Another nod. 

“I can’t tell you how little either of us proofread that paper,” Mikhail is saying.

“I reread it three months later,” Yves admits. “And he’s right. We really didn’t proofread it.” 

But it was a winning proposal, even though they’d both been too tired to realize it then. And still, Mikhail had still managed to hold a grudge against him for two long months. And then Mikhail had run into last-minute problems with his upcoming lease arrangement, and Yves had happened to find a decently priced two-bedroom apartment with no roommate, and he’d reached out half as a joke.

“You know those friends who say they can never room together?” Mikhail is saying. “Like, they hang out all the time, or they’ve been friends for years, or they trust each other with their lives, or whatever. But the second you put their living habits in close proximity, everything goes to shit? I think we were the opposite.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t just because you two never had a good enough relationship to ruin in the first place?” Nora says jokingly.

She has a point. Yves is starting to think that all of the formative relationships in his life have all happened by accident.

—

Vincent and Giselle get along very well, Yves notes, listening to the two of them talk. Halfway through dinner, they get into a heated discussion about the more outward-facing expectations at work, as Joel and Cherie exchange knowing glances. Giselle talks about feeling accountable for the team she manages—for knowing that if they don’t perform, she’ll take the fall for them; for being careful not to disperse the stress from higher ups unevenly, for constantly feeling her way through how much work is reasonable to expect of them. Vincent talks about the stress of apportioning work to others—the knowledge in his own competence and the knowledge gap when it comes to how others will handle things, the desire to take on more work alone to make sure everything is accounted for.

Nora, who’d had an internship at a different firm after each year in college, weighs in too on the management styles she’d been under, to what extent the expectations from leadership affected the dynamic between her coworkers.

It’s interesting, Yves thinks, that they all have their own subset of worries, even when they come across as people who are so certain of themselves.

As the others speak, Vincent stops periodically to rub his nose with the knuckle of his index finger—an action that always seems to keep the irritation at bay, but never seems to mitigate it entirely. For a moment, his expression goes hazy, his eyes watering ever so slightly, but it always lasts only a moment.

When Mikhail cracks a joke that has the entire table laughing, Vincent takes the opportunity to cough quietly into an upheld fist. When Cherie talks about her and Joel’s extremely mathematical efforts to fit everything into the car before moving, Vincent turns aside, raising a napkin to his face with a quiet, well-contained sniffle.

It’s difficult to tell, at first. But his attempts to keep quiet, to succumb to his symptoms as inconspicuously as possible, take their toll on him. Every time he jerks forward with a near-silent stifle, Yves can tell, by Vincent’s expression when he emerges, that it’s just short of relieving.  Every sniffle seems to only add on to the mounting congestion, in the long run. It’s a slow, almost imperceptible unraveling.

And yet, when Yves asks about it—when he offers to ask the others for antihistamines, or when he offers to make the drive to a convenience store himself; when he suggests that they go out to get some fresh air—he’s always faced with the same nonanswer, the same dismissive, I’ll be fine. The same persistent, Don’t worry about it.

So Yves doesn’t worry about it, for now—at least, not outwardly.

—

At some point after dinner, they disperse. Yves talks to Joel and Cherie about the apartment, about the pains of moving in, about the other places they’d considered and about why this one had been at the top of the list. Then about the cat— “we had been talking about getting one,” Cherie says. “And then one day Joel was wandering around downtown, and one of the pet shops there was holding an adoption event, and then when I got home there was a cat in the living room.”

“He didn’t call you to come pick out a cat with him?”

“Have you ever heard of ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission?’” Joel says. 

“He texted me before he brought her home,” Cherie says, and scrolls through her phone until she finds a text that says: Would you kill me if I brought home a cat. Just asking for a friend. And hypothetically if we extended this thought experiment it would be an orange cat that’s 2 months old.

“That sounds like a text from someone who’s absolutely decided already,” Yves says. “Ask for forgiveness, huh? So how’s the forgiveness going?”

“I let her name her,” Joel says.

“He’s on litter box duty for the next six months,” Cherie says.

On the other side of the room, Mikhail and Vincent are having a conversation—it could be because Vincent is the person in the room that Mikhail has talked to least, to date, but Yves has a feeling that it’s so that Mikhail can gain embarrassing intel on what Yves has been doing for the past few months.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Vincent turn away, his eyebrows drawing together, raising both his hands to his face to catch a sneeze into steepled hands. Then, not a moment later, his shoulders shudder forward with another.

“Totally off topic,” Yves says, to Joel and Cherie. “Do you guys have any antihistamines?”

“I think we have some Benadryl,” Cherie says. “It should be in the bathroom cabinet, behind the mirror.”

He does find it there, eventually—next to a box of band-aids and a small cylindrical container of cotton swabs. Perhaps he’ll hand it to Vincent, discreetly, when he’s done talking to Mikhail. Vincent had said antihistamines made him tired, but now that dinner is over, it shouldn’t be an issue—Yves suspects people will start heading out soon, and he’ll be the one driving, anyways.

When he steps out into the hallway, Mikhail and Vincent are in the middle of a conversation. It’s a conversation Yves has every intention of interrupting, and no intention of eavesdropping on, until he overhears—

“So,” Mikhail says, “When you first started dating Yves, what was it that you saw in him?”

Yves winces. That’s certainly not an easy question to answer—he and Vincent don’t know each other all that well, and any planning they have done on the basis of their fake relationship has been almost entirely centered around logistics—events, important dates, flagship moments in the relationship, trivia-worthy personal details. Not… this.

But Vincent just laughs, seemingly unfazed. “Honestly, if I told you everything I liked about Yves, you’d want to date him too.”

“That’s a tall claim,” Mikhail says. Yves is positively certain that no permutation of words in the universe could make Mikhail want to date him. “You can’t just say that and not give any examples.”

“I guess Yves is a very considerate person,” Vincent says, with a sniffle. “It actually confused me, at first. When I was growing up, after I moved here from Korea, I was brought up in the sort of environment where there was always an expectation for self-sufficiency. It didn’t matter how young I was, I guess—there were certain things I was expected to know, and certain things I was expected to teach myself.”

Something about his expression looks wistful, if not a little sad. But perhaps this is a trick of the light; perhaps his eyes are just watering from earlier. “My parents trusted me with a lot of things, but it was the kind of trust where they weren’t planning on filling in the gaps for me if I fell short.” 

“I know what you mean,” Mikhail says. “That must’ve been difficult.”

“It wasn’t easy,” Vincent says. “But I’m not telling you this because it was a burden to me, or anything. Back then, it was all that I had ever known. It was normal to me, then, because it was inevitable.”

“Yves is a very different person than I am,” Vincent says. “At times, when I was growing up, it felt like kindness was always something that had to be calculated.”

He pauses, sniffling again, before he raises his arm to his face with a forceful—

“hIhh’GKT-! Hh… hh-HHih’NGKktshH!”

“Bless you,” Mikhail says reflexively.

“Thadk you,” Vincent says, sniffling. He lowers his arm. “I was always taught that if you lend a hand to someone else, you have to make sure their success is not the thing that robs you of your spot—that sort of thing. But Yves is kind even without thinking about it. He’s kind even when there’s nothing in it for him.”

“So that was what made you develop feelings for him?” Mikhail asks.

“Eventually, yes,” Vincent says. “At first, I thought that we were irreconcilably different.”

“What changed?”

“Yves is an easy person to like, romantically or otherwise,” Vincent says. “It’s a little disarming to be on the receiving end of his type of kindness. And I think that’s ultimately what made me start liking him. He’s just the sort of selfless person you can’t help but admire, if that makes sense. It’s like—when someone does so much for you out of sheer selflessness, at some point, you start wanting to be a part of their happiness too.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Yves sees a small orange blur—mostly fluff, on four short white legs, with two pointy ears—bound from the kitchen into the living room.

“I get it,” Mikhail says. “That’s an interesting answer. It makes me hopeful that Yves might’ve stumbled into a relationship that will be very good for him.”

That’s a statement he’ll have to revise, Yves thinks wryly, in a few months, whenever it stops being practical for Vincent to keep up this act.

“Oh,” Vincent says, blinking. “What makes you say that?”

“When he and Erika broke up, he was—” Mikhail pauses, briefly, and Yves is thinking about the many embarrassing—but completely, verifiably true—ways he could finish off that sentence. “—he was pretty upset,” Mikhail says, instead, which Yves decides is suitably merciful.

“Look, what’s between them is between them—I’m not going to claim I know all the ins and outs of their relationship. But given that Yves was living with me for much of the time that he and Erika were dating, I’ve seen them interact more times than I can count.”

“I don’t think Erika is a bad person,” he continues. “She’s very ambitious, which I think was good for Yves back when they first started dating. But I don’t think she recognized those things about him—how much he cares for others, how much he gives people the benefit of the doubt, how much he… well, frankly, how much bullshit he’s willing to endure on his end. I think she took his kindness for granted, a little bit, and she certainly didn’t go out of her way to reciprocate.”

“What I’m saying is, I’m glad he met you,” Mikhail says. Beside him, something small and orange hops onto the couch they’re standing next to. “I can tell that what you said was sincere.” 

If even Mikhail thought he was being sincere, perhaps Vincent is a little too good of an actor.

“Obviously, it’s early for me to be saying this, so you can take it with a grain of salt,” Mikhail continues. “But I think you could be kind to him in the way he deserves.”

The sentence feels like a punch to the stomach.

And—well.

I’m glad he met you. I think you could be kind to him in the way he deserves.

Yves has really dug himself into this hole, hasn’t he?

Mikhail thinks that Vincent is good for him—Mikhail, one of Yves’s closest friends, someone who is by no means quick to express his approval over whoever Yves is seeing—which means that when they inevitably stage their breakup, Yves is never going to hear the end of it.

Is it cruel to be taking Vincent to all of these events, to be introducing him to all of his friends, when—after the impending breakup—Vincent might never see any of them again? Is it cruel that Mikhail likes Vincent enough to be hopeful that this is going to last?

Yves doesn’t have time to contemplate it more when three things happen.

One—Gingersnap, who is still perched at the very top of the couch, nudges her face against Vincent’s arm and mews softly at him.

Two—Vincent stops what he’s doing to reach out slowly, cautiously, to scratch gently at the fur under her chin. Gingersnap purrs, leaning her head into his hand.

Three—Vincent withdraws his hand, suddenly, as if he’s been burned, twisting away reflexively. He lifts his hand—the same hand he’s been petting Gingersnap with (probably inadvisably) to his face, to cover a resounding—

“hh—hiHH-hHihh’iIZSChHH-uhh! snf-!”

The sneeze sounds ticklish and barely relieving, as if he’s been holding it in all afternoon. 

It’s only a few moments later that Vincent’s jerking forward with another ticklish, wrenching, “hh… hhiHH… NgKT-!—hh’hiiIIIK’TSCHhuhH! snf-! hiIh… hIIIH-IITSCHh’yyue!”

“Oh,” Mikhail says, finally comprehending. “You’re allergic to cats?”

“Just slightly— hIh… hH- Hiih—hhH’nNGkT-!” Vincent sniffles wetly, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. “Sorry to - hh-! - cut our codversatiod short - hH… I… hhiHh’IiKSHhuh! Excuse mbe… hH… Hhh-! I’mb going to rund to the bathroom… hh… hhiIh… hh-HIih’iiIK’SHhUHhh!”

Yves ducks out into the kitchen before Vincent has a chance to head his way. He busies himself with removing a glass from the cabinet and filling it with water, Somewhere behind him, he hears the bathroom door click shut, hears the slightly muffled sound of a sneeze, then another.

He shuts his eyes.

Vincent had said that it was fine. Should Yves have insisted? It’s Yves’s fault, again, that Vincent is in this situation, but then again, he couldn’t have known—both that Joel and Cherie would have a cat, and that Vincent would like her so much. Either way, Yves can’t help but feel partially responsible.

But would it be strange, now, to offer Vincent something to take for it, to openly acknowledge his affliction? Should he have done something earlier? Or should he wait to acknowledge it after they leave?

Against all doubt, he finds himself outside of the bathroom door.

Yves knocks.

There’s the sound of water running, inside, and then the sound of the faucet being turned to shut. Then there’s a brief pause. Yves is contemplating knocking again when the door opens just a crack.

There, Vincent stands, his eyes a little watery still, his nose just slightly redder than usual, his hair slightly out of place—he’s just washed his face, then.

“Yves,” Vincent says.

“Um,” Yves says, holding out the glass of water and, next to it, the bottle of Benadryl. “Thought you could use these.”

Vincent takes the cup, a little hesitantly, and sets it on the bathroom counter. Then he takes the bottle of allergy medicine, unscrews the cap, and removes two small pink pills.

“Thank you,” he says. Yves thinks he’s about to take a sip when he twists to the side suddenly, his eyes squeezing shut, snapping forward with a loud—

“hIIH’IIKKSHh’hUh!”

The hand he’s holding the cup with trembles a bit with the action, but the water inside doesn’t spill. 

“Bless you,” Yves says, taking the cup from him, before—

“hIHH… hh-Hhih’iISCHhh’Uhh!”

“Bless you!”

The only acknowledgment Vincent gives him is to take the cup back from him, sniffling, and down the pills in one quick, decisive sip.

“They’ll take some time to take effect,” Yves says, though he’s sure that Vincent knows that already, for the way he knew to take two, even without reading the label on the bottle. “Are you okay?”

“It’s been awhile since my last edcounter with a cat,” Vincent says, sniffling. 

“You forgot how bad it was?”

“It gets better with exposure,” he says. And worse without.

Yves says, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know they’d have a cat.”

“Even if you’d known, I ndever told you I was allergic,” Vincent says. “It’s fine.”

“I should’ve thought to check. Seriously, a housewarming party—”

“I told you, snf, I like cats,” Vincent says, clearing his throat. “So it’s fine.”

Yves looks around—at the bathroom, which looks just as pristine as he’d left it earlier, except that the tissue box on the bathroom counter is a little askew. At the slight tiredness to Vincent’s posture, even as he looks off to the side, tilting his glasses up to his forehead to swipe at his eyes with his sleeve.

“Do you want to get out of here?“ Yves says.

“I cad stay,” Vincent says, as if he really is willing to, despite the side effects. “Do you want to stay longer?”

I want you to be comfortable, Yves wants to say. 

Instead, he says, “I think I’ve just about caught up with everyone. Besides, we have work tomorrow, and I think Cherie and Joel do too, so I don’t want to stay too late, you know?”

“Okay,” Vincent says. 

“I’m happy you came,” Yves says, stepping past Vincent to put the bottle of Benadryl back into its original spot, where he found it. He snags the glass from the counter on his way out.

“Your friends are a fun crowd,” Vincent says, following him out.

Yves laughs. “I think just between you and me, Mikhail has been dying to interrogate you about this relationship.”

“He did idterrogate me,” Vincent says. “How much of it did you overhear?”

“What?”

“When you were standing out in the hallway.”

Oh. Well, perhaps he hadn’t been as discreet about eavesdropping as he’d thought. Yves says, “Okay, you got me. I heard a good amount.”

“I don’t think Mikhail noticed you there, if you’re worried,” Vincent says. “In any case, it doesd’t matter if you overheard. It was just the same story.”

They step out into the hallway. Giselle has left, already, to be home in time for a cross-timezone call with a team that works somewhere halfway across the world. Yves bids everyone else a goodbye (Cherie and Joel thank him for coming, and Cherie hugs him and Vincent both on the way out; Nora asks Vincent to send her a recipe to his beef skewers, to which Vincent admits sheepishly that he stole from a cookbook, to which Nora says “making it successfully is half the work;” Mikhail says, “If you and Vincent get a place too, I want to be invited to your housewarming party.”)

On the way out, Yves grabs both of their coats off from where they’re hanging in a closet next to the front door, and hands Vincent’s coat to him. There’s never much street parking by the apartment, so the car is parked a couple blocks down, and it’s cold enough to be worth bundling up.

“You’re very good at lying,” Yves says, when he’s sure that the door is shut behind them.

Outside, it’s snowing just a little. Snow falls from the sky in thick white flakes. Vincent pulls his hood over his shoulders, sniffling a little—though whether that’s from the cold or from the allergies, Yves can’t be sure. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

“Definitely a compliment. I just mean, you play the part really well.”

“So instead of being a good boyfriend, I’m a good fake boyfriend,” Vincent says, lifting his sleeve to his face to muffle a cough into it. “Somehow, that seems much less impressive.”

“It’s arguably more impressive,” Yves says. “It definitely requires a different subset of skills.”

Vincent is quiet for a moment. When Yves looks over, he sees Vincent raise both hands to his face, steepling them over his nose, his eyes fluttering shut.

“hHh… hHh’iiiIKKSshh’uhh!”

“Bless you,” Yves says. 

“Ndot— hh… hHh… done — hH-hhIh’nGKKTsHuuh! hHh-hH’IIZSCHHhhuh!”

“Bless you! Cats, huh?”

Vincent hums. It’s snowed all through dinner—the snow under their feet coats the sidewalk, powdery and untouched. Their shoes sink into it while they walk.

“I didn’t know you used to live in Korea,” Yves says.

“It’s not a secret, snf-!,” Vincent says. “But I ndever found an occasion to bring it up.” 

Yves can think of a hundred things to say—how it’s strange only learning this information secondhand; it’s strange to play the part of someone who knows Vincent and knows him intimately, and to know so little about him, at the core of it. Isn’t it like that, with coworkers? The only window he has to Vincent’s life is made up of the things Vincent has chosen to share with him—over small talk in the break room, or conversationally over their outings, or during longer drives.

He knows an assortment of trivia, like Vincent’s favorite color (green) or Vincent’s birthday (March 15th) or the number of siblings Vincent has (one), or when he had his first kiss (during his first year in university) or his least favorite chore (vacuuming) or how he spends his weekends (generally at the library downtown, catching up on work or working on his personal projects). But even that was only for the sake of having something to say if his friends asked him—of having a basic understanding of his supposed partner that Vincent could later corroborate.

“Was it very different there?”

“I moved here when I was pretty young,” Vincent says. “But it was very different.”

When Yves looks over, there’s something complicated to Vincent’s expression that gives him pause. “Back then, I was young enough that everything was new to me. So the cultural shift wasn’t as pronounced for me as it was for the rest of the family. I think that’s why they moved back, eventually.”

“Did that happen recently?”

“They moved back just six years after we came here,” he says. “I was in high school at the time, so I stayed with my aunt to continue my education here.”

“Was it difficult living here on your own?”

“Is this useful to you?”

Yves blinks, taken aback. “Sorry?”

“Is this information useful to you?” Vincent says, looking over at him. His glasses have fogged up a little in the cold.  “Do you think your friends are going to ask about it?”

“It’s—not exactly useful in that sense,” Yves says, backtracking. “I just wanted to know. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

That’s right, he reminds himself—he and Vincent are only doing this for appearances’ sake. 

“I got used to it,” Vincent says, finally, which isn’t exactly an answer. “It’s hard to say if—hold on, I— hh-!”

Yves sees him duck off to the side, raising his arm to his face.

“Bless you—!”

“hh-Hhiih’IIZSCHh’uhH!”

The sneeze is muffled slightly into his sleeve. Vincent sniffles, keeping his arm clamped to his face for a moment, in trepidation, before dropping it to his side.

“Apologies, snf-!,” he says, as if he has anything to apologize for. “It’s hard to say if things would’ve been better if I’d gone back with them to Korea. I just know things would’ve been different.”

Yves doesn’t know what to say to that. It feels like something that Vincent has thought about for years, something that Yves couldn’t even begin to comprehend—growing up here, alone. Away from his family, in a country foreign to him, with his family all the way on the other side of the Pacific ocean; staying with a stranger. To say that it had to have been difficult would be a vast understatement. 

Had he doubted himself, then? Had it been his idea to stay here, in the States? Had his parents told him it was for the best? Had he argued with them on the subject? Had they listened?

“Do you think you’re happy enough now to justify that decision?” Yves asks.

Vincent is quiet for a bit. Around them, the snow continues to fall, silent and slow, listing upwards on every updrift. “Sometimes,” he says.

—

When they get back to the car, Vincent is quiet. The car is frigid, the window panes cold enough to fog up when Yves puts his hand on them—he puts the heaters on to the highest setting. If anything, being out of the cold seems to make Vincent’s nose run even more—a fact which he carefully obscures, resting his face on the palm of his hand with a few muffled sniffles.

“Thanks again for coming,” Yves says. “I know I—and everyone else—already said that to you like a hundred times. But I mean it.”

“It’s ndo problem, snf,” Vincent says. “I’ll be sure to avoid putting you into contact with cats in the future,” Yves says.

“There’s ndo need for that.”

“While we’re at it, is there anything else you’re allergic to?”

“Not much,” Vincent says. “Unless you pland on getting rid of the entire season of spring.”

“That’s secretly why you chose an office job,” Yves says. “So you could avoid all the pollen by staying inside all day.”

“Busy season was - snf-! - idvented solely for that purpose,” Vincent says.

It’s barely a couple minutes into the drive when Vincent stifles a yawn into his fist.

“Are you tired?” Yves asks. “I mean, you did say that thing about antihistamines making you tired.”

“Wide awake,” Vincent says, before—moments later—hiding another yawn behind a cupped hand.

“Evidently,” Yves says, which earns him a quiet laugh.

“Tell me if you ndeed me,” Vincent says, leaning his head lightly on the passenger seat window. As if this is work, or something. As if Yves could have any conceivable reason to need him during the drive home.

“Not at all,” Yves says. “As a matter of fact, it’d probably be a good thing if you close your eyes. You wouldn’t have to look at all this traffic.” It’s a little past rush hour, but traffic is only just starting to clear up, and driving in the city at any hour has never been a particularly pleasant experience.

Vincent opens his eyes. “Do you wadt me to help navigate?”

“I want you to sleep,” Yves says. “I’m an expert at handling traffic.”

It’s as if all this time, Vincent was merely waiting for permission. Yves isn’t certain if he’s asleep, but he certainly looks to be—when Yves sneaks a glance at him, his eyes are shut, his shoulders slack, and his breathing has evened out. It’s an image Yves wants to thoroughly take in—the slow rise of his chest, his eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks. 

Instead, he drives. Instead, he stares hard at the rows and rows of cars before him, at every traffic light, and tries not to think about—

Vincent, at the housewarming party, kneeling down to pet a cat smaller than his hand, despite being well aware of the consequences.

Vincent, calling Yves kind even without thinking about it, talking about him—about his best qualities—with near-artful dishonesty.

Vincent, walking beside him in the snow, talking candidly about growing up here; the unspoken understanding between them about how much he must’ve given up.

That Vincent, the same Vincent from work, asleep in Yves’s passenger seat, while Yves drives him home.

Yves can’t help but think that if he caught feelings for someone like Vincent, Erika would be the least of his problems.

[solitaszn]

curtains ch. ii | ted lasso ✧˚ · .

Pairing: Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader Summary: You just invited Ted back to your flat and things start getting interesting after a drink... Warnings: SMUT, 18+ under the cut (minors dni), porn without plot?, oral (f receiving), protected sex (wrap it before you tap it), Ted aims to please Word count: 1.6k

chapter 1

"Do you want to come in?" "We can have that drink if you want," he said, already making you forget how tired you were.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, we can."

"Great, come on." You grabbed his hand and opened the door. A flush of light pink sprawled across his cheeks.

Once inside, he could tell he had stepped into what he could only call the inside of your brain. Framed movie posters lined the entrance, along with a random open neon sign. It was a very random flat that he thought no one else could live in but you. None of the overhead lighting was on, only ambient lamps and signs were turned on to create a warm mixture of colors. He sat on your couch, bouncing on it.

"I’m just going to change real quick, and I’ll be right back."

"Take your time!" Ted looked around and picked up a small wooden bird, playing with it, his hands making it smaller than it seemed.

You walked back out with a pair of gray gym shorts, a huge graphic tee, and your fuzzy socks. “What are you doing?” you did in a deep loud voice. He jumped and dropped the miniature bird with a soft thud. “Jeez!” he choked out. You laughed as you walked over to your liquor counter, poured some whiskey, and cracked open a can of soda. "You want some in yours, Ted?"

"Oh no, thanks; I’ll just have it straight."

"Suit yourself," you said, handing the drink to the mustached man.

"Thank you, well, this flat is certainly you, I didn’t know you were such a fan of movies."

"Well, you never asked Ted," you said, taking a sip of your whiskey and coke.

An hour or so had passed, and you and Ted passed those hours laughing till your sides hurt and telling stories.

"So then there I was in the middle of the student store trying to buy a hoodie, and my phone started playing Anaconda at full blast," you say, laughing.

Ted chuckles and smiles at you, his eyes lingering on your lips a little longer than they should’ve.

"Oh god,” you check your phone, “It's so late, Ted, and I’m so sorry for keeping you here for this long," you apologize. This time your eyes linger over Ted’s lips, then his eyes that are almost glossy from the strong drink.

"No, it’s alright... I was actually going to…” He turns to you, you catch his head with both hands and pull him into a kiss. You don’t want him to leave; he’s surprised at first but then cradles your head. You pull away, your eyes wide from embarrassment. 

"Oh my god, Ted, I am so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking."

He pulls you into another kiss with a finger on your chin, deepening it. You moaned into him, tasting the whiskey he had just finished, which left a bittersweet taste as it mixed with your soda from earlier.

"I knew you were staring at me in the office," You said, pulling away and touching your forehead on his. His hands around your waist, guiding you to his lap.

"I know I’m sorry sweetheart, you’re just so beautiful."

His hands started traveling up your shirt while you kissed his neck.

"You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to kiss you in your office, ever since we met," he said, his voice trembling under your touch. He lifted you up from the couch and you began to unzip his puffer jacket. Soon enough there were clothes trailing from your couch to your room, your lips still attached to his and the two of you in your underwear.

“Please Ted…” you sighed as his lips traveled down your neck. You laid yourself on the edge of the bed as he explored every inch of your body, taking it in as delayed gratification. And god did you deserve it too. His hands stayed attached to your hip bones and traced the light green lace of your panties, taking every gentlemanly action of his to not hook his fingers through them and throw them off of you. 

“Baby I really wanna mmh” he said as he made his way down your side. You sat up unclipping your bra followed by your underwear, you kissed him and laid back down. “Can I?” he said looking down. You never had a man go down on you before, but the whiskey gave you that boost of confidence.

“Yes- yeah- please.” you eagerly said. Ted got down and kneeled in front of the bed. Opening your legs by your knees and removing your hands. He started kissing from one knee until he got down to your soft inner thigh, his side of his face rough from not shaving in a few days followed by a tickle from his mustache. “Don’t hide from me baby, your body is perfect,” his voice got huskier than his normal peppy accent with the almost cartoony drawl that you adored.

You barely heard what he said as he followed it with licking up your folds, his nose burrowing itself into you, the newfound pleasure making you arch and your breath hitch. Ted held your legs down by putting them over his shoulders and wrapping his arms around your thighs. His hums filled the room followed by your soft pants that started growing louder. 

“You can be louder than that honey, my neighbors are gone.” he said, you looked down taking a first glimpse of Ted’s once honey brown eyes now hungry dark brown and his lips and chin wet from you. You whimpered at the sight of him, you couldn’t tell if you got lightheaded from the alcohol or the way he groaned into you when you weaved your fingers into his hair tugging his brown locks. You pulled once more when you came close.

“Teddy I’m so close…so fuck-,” you said. He could feel you getting wetter, when he detached himself from you, moaning at the loss of contact.

He got up from his knees and you saw the tent forming in his gray boxer briefs, he was a lot bigger than you expected. “Do you um? Have anything- I mean..a condom?” he said. You opened a box that included a few foil packages and your tiny bullet vibrator. You grabbed the gold foil and passed one to him followed by a kiss. 

“Don’t you worry darlin’, I’m gonna make you feel good.” he pulled down his underwear and rolled the condom down his cock. Watching him made you wriggle on the bed, deep down Ted loved the way he had you right now. He wanted to take a photo of you and save it for days he couldn’t be near you.

He knelt on the bed this time, pulling you toward him and lining himself into you. It took a second for you to get used to his size, Ted was stuck in a daze with how wet and warm you were around him. He hadn’t even bottomed out in you when you moaned his name, he swore he could’ve came from how pornographic you sounded to him. It was only when he was fully in you when you started to grind on him, begging him for more.

“Please T-Ted, oh god baby please fuck me,” you said as he began to rock his hips in and out. “Sweetheart, you’re so tight, f-fuck.” A string of profanities fell from his lips as fast as his hips snapped in and out of you. You ran your nails down his back making his grip that much tighter. “Just like that, ah- fuck Ted right there!” He watched you with your eyebrows knit together, eyes shut and mouth open with bliss, he brought his hand in between the two of you and circled your clit. A moan getting caught in your throat. 

“Ted, I’m so- I’m so, so close!” you cried. “Fuck darlin’, I’m gonna-” he choked. A wave of pleasure went through you as his thrusts got deeper and you felt yourself dripping down your legs and holding Ted’s shoulders to keep yourself from going limp. His orgasm followed as he stilled in you and buried his head into your shoulder groaning, “Fuck fuck fuck, you’re so good, so good for me sweetheart.”

He rolled over next to you as you both caught your breath, the sight of his messy hair sticking to his forehead and his face having that pink tinge you saw earlier. Soon he got up to get a towel, cleaned you up and pulled your sheets over your body, kissing you and thanking you. “That was amazing, you’re really somethin’ else honey.” He said picking up his boxers from the ground and pulling them back up. You got sad for a second watching him pick up his clothes.

“Are you leaving?” you asked. “Oh, I mean I’m sure you don’t want me here-” “No” you cut him off. “Please? Stay?” you said. “You don’t mind?” he questioned. “Of course not Ted, come back to bed.” His gaze softened at you and walked back to the side of the bed, picking up your clothes along with his and placing them on a chair. He picked out his white undershirt and pulled it over his head and then handed you your shirt and underwear, like the gentleman he is. Pulling back the sheets, he settled into bed with you. Gazing at you with hearts in his eyes while you put your clothes back on too. “You’re so beautiful, gosh,” he said. Your face reddened as he pulled you in for a kiss to cap off the night. After that you started to drift off to sleep and could hear the quiet snores coming from the mustached man, after a while his arms snaked around your waist and he pulled you in, his head resting on your chest. You kissed his head and whispered, “Goodnight Teddy.”

Taglist: @snixx2088 @tegan8314 @hart-kinsella @hislittlegirlll @elkitot @crosbyssids @rxllingstones

[riaraa]

Analyzing the Kiara and Rafe Moments in "Outer Banks: Dead Break" by Jay Coles

Over the weekend, I read the book Outer Banks: Dead Break by Jay Coles. I bought this book because I was happy to see that we would be getting a story from Kiara’s POV and I found early excerpts for the book that name-dropped Rafe as one of the competitors in the surf competition that Kiara signs up for. As a riara shipper, I had to read it to see if there would be any interactions between them (and I was not disappointed)! 

Fellow riara fans, enjoy!

This post is GIANT, so everything is below the line!

Summary of the Book from the Dustjacket:

The waves are off the hook, and Pope and the other Pogues are betting big on Kiara blowing the Kook competition out of the water. What could possibly go wrong? It's summer in the OBX, and a big surfing competition is bringing in pro surfers from around the world to Kildare Island, along with plenty of Kooks and tourists. Meanwhile, a storm has delivered massive waves, making for perfect—yet challenging-surfing conditions. But Kiara, who has been training, is up for the challenge. As for Pope, he just started his summer internship at the city morgue—his dream job! When Kiara strikes up a flirtation with one of the pro surfers, Pope, John B, and JJ can't help but get a little jealous at the attention she receives. Meanwhile, the visiting surfers are treating Pope's dad, Heyward, like some kind of hero, but he won't explain why. When one of the professional surfers washes up dead on the beach, everyone assumes he got crushed by a wave. But Pope, Kiara, and the rest of the Pogues aren't so sure…

Quoted Moments and My Thoughts:

“The sound of heavy metal rips through the air. Rafe Cameron drives onto the sand in his expensive Jeep, multiple surfboards hanging out the back. I shake my head as he parks, pulls his t-shirt off, and heads toward the water, board at his side.” (Page 32)

Rafe's first mention is during Kiara's POV when she is at the beach with a professional surfer named Gabriel who came to OBX for the surfing competition. Is it now canon that Rafe is a heavy metal fan? Because I was NOT expecting that, but I totally love it. I like that the author wrote that he drives a Jeep, because that's what I have him drive in my riara fics (I can't remember if it's canon in the show or not). Kiara doesn't say much about Rafe in her thoughts during this moment but she saw him shirtless (which he only is once in the show I think), so a win is a win in my book.

“I’d heard that Rafe was planning to enter the competition, too. Ward has probably bought Rafe lessons with the best surf instructors money could buy from the time he could walk. He’s a decent surfer, but next to Cole [a professional surfer who is in OBX for the surf competition] and Darren [a professional surfer who is in OBX for the surf competition], he looks like a littel kid beside giants. I hope that’s not how I’ll look next to the pros in a few days. Unlike Rafe, I am entirely self-taught.” (Page 32)

I find this moment interesting because despite both being rich and living on Figure 8, Rafe and Kiara live very different lives. A big plot point in this book is how her parents don't support her dreams of becoming a professional surfer and I find it interesting that Ward is supporting Rafe's because that doesn't seem like something he would do in the show. It makes me think Rafe wasn't as bad at this point with his mental illness and drug abuse. I also like that the author used Rafe as a talking point for Kiara to compare herself to, no matter how small (we are hardly scratching the surface here), because I think there is a lot to compare between them as characters.

“I see Ward and Rafe Cameron saunter in [to The Wreck, where Kiara is waitressing] and join Darren and Alan’s [Darren’s manager] table. By the time I bring Alan and Darren their (raw) oysters, Ward is deep into his pitch for Alan to take on Rafe as a client. I try to listen in. I gotta admit, I’m jealous [...] it must be nice to have a parent who supports your dreams.” (Page 43)

This paragraph expands on my above thoughts. I find it super interesting that both Rafe and Kiara have dreams of becoming professional surfers. The rest of the Pogues aren't the same way. JJ even states, "This is why I don't think surfing should be competitive. It's all about the experience, not the medals." (Page 8). Which makes Kiara and Rafe the two competitors of characters we know that have the same dreams with surfing, and Kiara even states that, knowingly. It's also fascinating to me that Kiara would admit to being jealous of Rafe and his relationship with Ward, because once the canon of the show begins, we definitely know that would all go down the drain.

“Not only do I feel like a failure, but I also embarrassed myself in front of everyone: Gabriel, my friends, Sarah, Rafe and people from school. The entire island just saw me royally screw up. They all saw that my parents are right, surfing is a waste of my time. I’m no better than Rafe, another Kook wannabe who’s never going to travel the world surfing professionally.” (Page 86)

This moment takes place after Kiara falls off her surfboard during the competition. I just like that she name dropped Rafe, because you would usually think he is irrelevant to her, but right now, it matters to her that he saw her wipe out. AND THEN, she compares herself to him. Although, this comparison confuses me. She calls Rafe a Kook wannabe, when he is the Kookiest-of-all-Kooks. Does she think on some level he is pretending with his life status, like she is? And then she groups herself in with him, never going anywhere with their shared dream of becoming professional surfers.

And later on, in Pope's POV, JJ texts him saying, "Rafe fell almost as soon as he stood on his board. He drove off so fast he left his fancy surfboard behind." (Page 92). This makes me wonder why the author had Kiara and Rafe parallel each other even further by having them both fall during the competition and then storming off in anger over their failure.

“Rafe is here for questioning. He’s under eighteen, which means the police aren't allowed to ask him anything without a parent present.” (Page 121)

This moment is from Pope's POV, but I thought it was interesting enough to note. He says Rafe is under eighteen years old, but this since this is the summer after Kiara's Kook Year where she was a freshman at the Kook Academy, that means Rafe is either a school year younger in this story compared to show canon, or his birthday is really late in the year for his age. So, I am assuming he is seventeen in the current timeline of this story, while the Pogues are fifteen. Although John B is old enough to drive the Twinkie, so it must be passed July for him to be sixteen. Overall, this make's it a canon timeline where Rafe and Kiara's age difference is two years, instead of three.

“Kie’s the sort of person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, who believes that deep down, no one is beyond redemption.” (Page 128)

This is another moment from Pope's POV that I thought was really sweet. I think it is a great note about Kiara as a character. Pope later then notes that Kiara is looking at Sarah like she did something horrible (the Pogues don't know what happened between them, like in the show) and despite what Sarah did, Kiara forgives her. It makes me wonder how her and Rafe's relationship would pan out if they talked more.

On Page 154, when the Pogues (plus Gabriel, the surfer who Kiara has a crush on) are trying to figure out what happened to Cole (a professional surfer who was found murdered and also Gabriel's best friend), Kiara simultaneously defends and condemns Rafe when they look into going to him for answers since he was at the beach where Cole got murdered the morning before it happened. Rafe had gone to the police with Ward to tell them everything he knew and Pope overheard, but the Pogues think he is hiding something.

Defending: “Unless [Rafe] was lying," I interject. "Think about it: Ward was trying to get Darren’s manager to represent Rafe. Ward would never let Rafe say anything that might turn Alan against him—and implicating Alan’s star client [Darren] in a murder is hardly a way to stay on Alan’s good side.” Condemning: “In fact, maybe that’s why Rafe told the police he’d been surfing at the Evergreen Bayou to begin with—so that he could specifically say that he hadn’t seen Darren there. Maybe Rafe thought that protecting Alan’s star client would get Alan to rep him, despite his mediocre surfing skills.”

The way Kiara phrases how Ward and Rafe went to the police is important and shows she is much more observant than she thinks. She says that Ward would never let Rafe say anything. She has already noted the control Ward has over Rafe. She defends Rafe in this moment saying he might have not been able to say anything that he knows because Ward is more worried about his shot with Alan as a manager.

She then gives Rafe the power in the scenario by saying he might have thought that protecting Darren would give him a shot at having Alan as a manager. I find it interesting that she thought of Rafe in both ways.

Pages 174-185 are a GOLD MINE for riara shippers. During this sequence, Kiara infiltrates a Kook party to find Rafe and lure him outside so that the Pogues (and Gabriel) can interrogate him about the murder of Cole. I have noted my favorite passages:

“Okay, then how’re we going to get Rafe?” “We’re not going to get him,” I correct. “I am.” (Page 174)

The Pogues had pulled up to a party where they know all the Kooks are, but haven't figured out how to get Rafe. When JJ asks how they are going to do it, Kiara volunteers herself. When I tell you I almost passed out when reading this moment because I was so excited! So dramatic!

“The fact that this party is exactly the same as the one I went to months ago means I know exactly where to find Rafe. Rafe doesn’t go for plastic cups and cheap beer. He’ll be upstairs, in Ryan’s dad’s study. Last fall, Ryan called it the ‘inner sanctum’ and invited Sarah and me there.” (Page 176)

Once again, Kiara keeps noting things about Rafe that you would think she wouldn't care to remember. To me, this shows how observant of him she was during her time at the Kook Academy. And I want to know what happened when Kiara and Sarah would party alongside him!

“But at least tonight, I'm turning the power dynamic around, using the fact that [the Kook guys at the party] see me as an object, as pleasing to the eye as wall sconces and chandeliers against them. I’m using it to get what I want. And what I want is for Rafe to leave with me. Just the thought—I want Rafe to leave with me—is enough to make me gag…” (Page 179)

And what I want is for Rafe to leave with me. I AM SCREAMING, WHAT IN THE FANFIC. I love how disgusted over it Kiara is. She is a girl on a mission.

“I see Rafe and walk over to him. I can already smell the alcohol on him, like a strong odor, which tells me he’s been drinking for a while. It’s not unusual for Rafe; I’ve known him long enough to know that this is how he forgets he is Ward’s son.” (Page 179)

This paragraph made my jaw DROP. First off, it's sad to see how drunk Rafe is and then KIARA SAYS WHY HE DRINKS LIKE HE DOES. It's because of Ward and he wants to forget. She knows this information about him and I want to know how and why! It shows even further how observant she is of him. She has noted things that others fail to see. And this is why I think their relationship dynamic is important and interesting.

“Hi, Rafe,’ I say. “Hi . . . Kie,’ Rafe says (well, slurs).” (Page 179)

HE CALLS HER KIE! But, what was that pause? Did Rafe need a moment to remember who she was? Or was it surprise at seeing her? I NEED TO KNOW. I am interpreting it as surprise at seeing her and this part also emphasizes even more how drunk Rafe is; if he is slurring a simple "hi" and name.

"I sit on the shiny leather couch beside Rafe and ask if I can have a sip of his drink. He hands me a crystal tumbler etched with diamond shapes. I take a sip of the brown liquid, recognizing the flavor of good Kentucky bourbon, but I act like I’ve never had something so strong before. Rafe laughs as I pretend to have trouble swallowing. "We can get you something more your speed, little girl," he promises.” (Pages 179-180)

Rafe is WHIPPED. Immediately handing over his drink when she asks? Also, how cute, they have the same taste in alcohol lol.

AND THEN HE CALLS HER LITTLE GIRL? LIKE SIR WHAT? I seriously need to know what was going through the authors mind when he chose that pet name. In this story, Rafe is at most 2 years older than Kiara so it's not like he is way older than her or something.

“Then he literally snaps at a girl sitting on the other side of the coffee table to pass me her drink.” (Page 180)

Like, damn Rafe show your favoritism some more, please? LOL. So demanding when Kiara is in need (and this is demonstrated in show canon, too, with the entire trapped in Singh's mansion plot-line).

“I sip my sticky drink and lean into Rafe, sneaking a peek at his hand. He has two pair. ‘Fold,” I whisper. “Why?” I nod at Ryan across the table. “Ryan’s got something big.” “How can you tell?” “See the way he’s tapping his thigh?” Rafe nods. “He did it in algebra last semester when he cheated on his test. He knew he was going to get an A no matter what.” Rafe looks at me like he’s seeing me for the first time. I can feel his gaze taking in my tank top and short shorts.” (Page 180)

This is like the longest and most normal conversation Rafe and Kiara have and it literally melts my heart. They are just playing poker together and THEN we get the trope of character A looking at character B and seeing them for the first time after a pivotal moment in their relationship?? Thank you Jay Coles (author)! Also, Rafe is turned on by a smart woman, confirmed!

“Whatever the lady says,” he promises, placing his cards facedown on the table. When Ryan reveals a full house, Rafe gives me a high five.” (Page 181)

Can you see Rafe initiating a hive five with anyone? This is so heartwarming to me that he wanted to high five her out of genuine excitement. I would love to see Drew Starkey and Madison Bailey act of this entire scene, it would be so entertaining.

“Looks like I found my lucky charm,” he says. “Kiara Carrera, the half-Kook wonder.” I pretend being called a half Kook doesn’t offend me. That’s how Rafe and his friends thought of me for the year I went to school with them: not entirely a Pogue or a Kook.” (Page 181)

First off, it's so cute that he calls her his lucky charm. BUT THEN I like the deep dive into Kiara's character here. I'm surprised she is offended by something Rafe said, but it goes to show how the half-life she is living really effects her. She is adamant she is a Pogue, yet still feels in-between. And it's interesting that she notes that Rafe had previous thoughts about her. Did he explicitly tell her this, or was this something she concluded based on his actions? I wish she expanded more on her thoughts to give concrete evidence. Because that means that she and Rafe must have communicated at least a little bit during her Kook Year and I want to know it all!

“I advise Rafe for a couple more hands. But on the fourth hand, when he has three of a kind, I tell Rafe, “Go all in.” He grins at me. “Whatever my lucky charm says.” I have to keep myself from shuddering when he refers to me as his anything. Rafe pushes all his chips into the center of the table. Ryan calls. Rafe doesn't notice that Ryan's tapping his thigh again.” (Page 181)

Rafe is so oblivious to Kiara's actually feelings and I think it's so funny. He is just having a good time. Also, I love that it's canon in the show and this book that he grins at Kiara. I also think it's interesting how Kiara makes note that Rafe isn't noticing the clues she pointed out earlier. Is it because he is drunk?

"Crap!" Rafe shouts, throwing his cards down. He turns to me angrily. "Why'd you tell me to go all in?" I swallow the urge to point out that he has no right to be angry at me. I was just giving him advice; I'm not actually a magic lucky charm. But instead I say, "Look on the bright side." "What bright side?" Rafe pouts. “Now we can get out of here.” Rafe’s scowl twists into a smile as he catches my meaning. He grabs my hand and pulls me up to stand, like I’m a prize instead of an actual person.” (Pages 181-182)

I honestly wish Kiara could have called him out, because I would love to know his reaction, but I understand she had to keep playing along to accomplish her goal. BUT! We have a full confirmation that Rafe has the hots for Kiara!!!

“No way,” I shake my head. “I’m not hooking up where anyone could walk in. Your sister’s around. You know what she’ll say if she sees us together?” I make a face like I’m horrified. “I don’t care what she says.” (Page 182)

I think it's an interesting note that Rafe doesn't care about Sarah's thoughts on him and Kiara.

“I lead Rafe down the stairs and out the front door, rolling my eyes as soon as my back is turned. Boys like him are so easy.” (Page 182)

In this entire book, I do not remember a time where Rafe's love life is brought up. The Pogues joke about Topper and how he messed around with every Kook girl before getting with Sarah, but Rafe is a mystery. And, there is no mention of any girls sitting near him when Kiara found him in the study. It makes me wonder how much of this is that Rafe is easy, or that if he actually just really like Kiara.

“Where are we going, gorgeous?” Rafe asks. He holds my hand, his fingers playing on my inner wrist in a way I’m sure he thinks is sexy and suggestive. “You’ll see,” I promise and Rafe grins, his teeth white in the moonlight.” (Pages 182-183)

RIARA HOLDING HANDS!

JJ stuffs a rag in Rafe’s mouth to keep him from shouting. “Where’d you find that?” I ask. “The floor of the Twinkie,” JJ answers, which is almost enough to make me feel sorry for Rafe. I don’t think John B has ever actually cleaned the van.” (Page 183)

Kiara expresses no regret or guilt over kidnapping Rafe except that he might have a dirty ass rag in his mouth lol.

“And also? Don’t be so stupid as to leave a party with a girl who’s inexplicably interested in you after never having given you the time of day.” Rafe’s eyes go wide as it dawns on him that my flirting was all an act.” (Page 184)

Rafe has literally been gagged and thrown into the Twinkie. Is being held by Pope and JJ and JUST NOW REALIZED THAT THE FLIRTING WAS ALL FAKE? Oh yeah, he is down bad for Kiara.

"Rafe continues, his breathing slowing. “He said there wasn’t enough money in the world for him to represent me. I didn’t want my dad to know that I couldn’t close the deal with Alan.” (Page 191)

This is from Pope's POV as they interrogate Rafe, but I thought it was interesting to note that we can see bits and pieces of how much Rafe looks up to Ward and doesn't want to disappoint him, which will eventually lead to their turbulent relationship in the show.

They like to complain that I left them for Kook Academy last year (as if my parents gave me any choice in the matter), but the truth is, when they saw that I was actually making friends with some of my classmates, the guys pulled away from me, not the other way around.” (Page 194)

THIS MOMENT. This is probably the most important one in this entire book because it completely contradicts the show canon. In the show, we are meant to believe that Kiara left the Pogues in favor of her Kook friends and that is what caused a rift between them and explains why she is so loyal to them, to make up for leaving them. But, NO they left HER. This will change how I look at all of John B, JJ, and Pope's interactions with Kiara when I watch the show. She had wanted to kill herself over being at the Kook Academy, and now I wonder if she felt this way after the Pogues cut her off? My heart breaks for Kiara. Her best friends she grew up with turned their backs on her when she was forced into going to another school and happened to be friends with some of her classmates. Nobody wants to be alone at a new school. And it's probably why her relationship with Sarah hurt so much, too. Because Sarah had been her one true friend at the time, and Sarah left her, too. It changes how I view all the show dynamics, now. I wish we could dive more into Kiara's Kook year because it's such a pivotal part of her character but we only get glimpses (in the show and the book).

“[Pope] wasn’t holding Rafe tightly on purpose. He didn’t want to hurt him. Realizing that makes me love Pope more than I already do.” (Page 195)

This moment is definitely meant to focus on how Kiara admires how good of a person Pope is, but I think it can also be viewed that she didn't want Rafe to be hurt, either. And it's interesting because JJ loved hurting Rafe in this scene stating "I can do this all night and all day." as he laughs (Page 190), which probably explains why Rafe has it out for JJ n the show which leads to them fighting.

“Thanks to Rafe...” (Page 196)

This moment is so small and means nothing, but I just thought it was funny that Kiara would ever be "thanking" Rafe.

"And I'm not here to debate the finer points of toxic masculinity--" “That’s a first,” I interject, yawning. She’d somehow managed to fit in Rafe’s kidnapping.” (Page 201).

This is from Pope's POV after Kiara as snuck through his bedroom window. I just think it's funny that Kiara did use Rafe's kidnapping to give the Pogues (and by proxy, Rafe) a lesson on toxic masculinity lol.

“Tonight, I was barely home long enough to take a shower and change my clothes—my tank top and cutoffs need to be de-Rafed in the washing machine, ew…” (Pages 209-210).

AND this is the last mention of Rafe in the book and it's the funniest.

Conclusion

This book was a MAJOR win for Rafe and Kiara lovers because it confirms Rafe's liking for her further. It also gives us background on their relationship. Rafe still likes her after she lied and kidnapped him? This man is in love with her. This book further proves that the creators/writers/showrunners of OBX just love having Rafe and Kiara interact! They must see the potential if they keep teasing it! We can only hope for more moments in s4!

Let me know your thoughts! ❤️