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svnthxsense · 5 years ago

Text

Genre/Rating: Fluff/smut ; M

Warnings: Fem reader, cursing, light choking, slight corruption (?), slight praise, oral, tiny bit of slow burn

Word Count: 9.8k i’m sorry

Author’s Note: I got very carried away... Anyways, Happy Mark Day! This oneshot is a standalone in my Neo Tech High School series and is loosely based off of the first verse & chorus of Shot Clock by Ella Mai. Please send in any feedback! Also, my apologies if the Keep Reading function doesn’t work on mobile but I can’t do much about it T-T

It was mid-March when news broke in your school that a tier-1 athlete had transferred in. Everyone was swarming with curiosity all for a certain Mark Lee. Most of the gossip came from the guys, who bantered about his stats as a starting point-guard and argued about whether or not he’d make a good addition to the school’s beloved team. The girls, of course, were looking forward to a fresh face on campus. You couldn’t help but be curious, too.

After a week of anticipation, people were stunned to see the actual image of the mysterious basketball player. He was attractive at the absolute least. Then there was something that neither you nor your peers expected: he was the shyest, most awkward boy you had met in a while. How was it that the star basketball player who was always in the spotlight happened to be socially awkward?

You were surprised to discover that you two had a lot of classes together, and you’d be lying if you said you never stared. It didn’t help that he always came into math class with basketball shorts and a tank top on, his skin lightly glistening with sweat even after his brief post-gym shower. His hair was tousled, yet he managed to make it work like no other. It was a sight that made your mouth water and your mind fill with less-than decent thoughts.

It was only halfway through his first week of school when Mark had gotten called into the principal's office in the middle of third period. And then you were called in- not even five minutes after.

“Good morning, Principal Yoon,” You greeted her politely, taking the only other seat left in the room right next to Mark. You felt his eyes on you but decided against looking back at the nerve-wracked boy. Every time you saw him, you seemed to have a new fantasy about things you’d love to do to him. Was it wrong to fantasize about what his hands could do other than dribble a basketball?

“Good morning, Y/N.” She sat down in her leather office chair, scooting along until she found a comfortable position. Her tone was firm yet extremely polite. Most principals were intimidating and loathed by students, while Principal Yoon was approachable and kind. The students of Neo Tech adored her and her methods of running the school.

“Good morning, Mark. I’m sure you’re both wondering why I called you in, and I can assure you that it’s nothing of concern.” She held a manila colored folder in one hand before opening it and examining the paper in front of her. The both of you sat a bit uneasily, wondering what could’ve possibly landed you in this predicament.

“Mr. Lee, your basketball skills are outstanding.” Immediately, Mark began rambling about his appreciation for her comment until her voice interrupted him. “Yes, well, the reason I called you both in has to do with that actually… You see, Mark, your last school was a bit behind in comparison to our curriculum here, and without the proper grades you won’t be able to be an active team member.”

Mark could’ve sworn he heard his heart drop. The whole reason he transferred to your school was that his tier-1 team was becoming mediocre at best. In order to stay on track with his plan of obtaining an athletic scholarship, he needed to choose the best of the best. And that’s what led him to your school, which currently holds the number one spot in the nation amongst all the tier-1 teams.

“That’s why I’ve brought Y/N in as well. It was brought to my attention that you two share more than half your classes together, and I’m well aware of how advanced she is in all subjects. So, to put it frankly, I’m going to suggest that you two become acquaintances. Of course, the final decision would be up to Y/N, but I’m hoping that both of you might benefit from this opportunity.”

Mark couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed about how Principal Yoon pressed the issue. It was bad enough that his old school had a less advanced curriculum; and to make matters worse, his tutor just had to be the prettiest girl he’s seen. The way you dressed, especially, drove him crazy. Your sheer black tights underneath your plaid skirt, with your skin-tight, off-the-shoulder top that exposed your collarbones. He gulped at the very thought of what was underneath those clothes. How was he supposed to focus when he wanted to study his tutor more than the material?

“I would be happy to help,” You answered, mindlessly sneaking a glance at the boy next to you. His gaze seemed to be set on the ground, looking at anything but you. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to add ‘tutor’ to my resume.”

Principal Yoon smiled in response, setting the folder down on her desk before gently lifting her glasses off her face. She was pretty young to be a principal, couldn’t be a day over thirty. It was one of the things that made her so approachable, she seemed to sympathize with the lives of students because she was in their place not too long ago.

“Well, then it’s settled.”

You strained yourself trying to hide the smirk forming on your face, finally allowing yourself to steal a look at the golden boy once again. He seemed flustered, as per usual, and still didn’t dare to look you in the eye. He seemed so innocent, yet so ready to be corrupted. The excitement bubbled deep within your stomach at the thought of how much time you’d really need to spend with him in order to get him caught up. And boy did you hope you had extra time for other activities.

Without a word, you rose from your seat to offer a ‘goodbye’ to your principal and sauntered out of her office. Mark fumbled to get up, hurriedly saying goodbye to Principal Yoon before he rushed after you. At the sound of his footsteps, you couldn’t help but grin to yourself. This will be fun.

“Hey, Y/N?”

You hummed in response, then turned on your heel to face him. He was breathing a little raggedly, but you knew it was from nerves because there was no way someone as athletic as him would be out-of-breath from a short jog.

“I- I was wondering when you’d be available…” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, trying his hardest to sound anything but stupid. You waited for him to go on as he stared back at you but quickly caught himself. “Y’know, for the tutoring.”

Your smile almost made his breath hitch but he ignored the pounding on his chest and found the courage to keep eye contact with you. He regretted it as soon as it happened because he damn-near whimpered at the beauty in front of him. Your lips, a faint rose color, were glossy and plump. He imagined how they’d feel pressed against his, and against other body parts alike.

“How about we do an evaluation of sorts at the library this afternoon? This way I can see how behind you are and how much time I’d need to get you in shape. I wouldn’t want you missing the opening game.” You winked, and Mark found himself gulping down nothing in another attempt to calm himself.

“Y-Yeah, that sounds good,” He replied and waited for you two walk away first because he couldn’t quite will his feet to move.

The end of the day seemed to have come much too quickly for Mark’s liking. Of course, he was itching at the chance to get to know you, but even he knew his nervous habits. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass himself in the midst of his first impression.

Mark made his way to the library like you had told him to, and he easily found you at one of the tables towards the back of the room. You had books laid out in front of you, with worksheets accompanying them.

“Hey, so I was thinking we could start by evaluating your trig skills and then get into some science. Does that sound good?” It felt like an eternity before you finally looked up to find him sitting directly across from you at the table. He nodded softly as you pushed over the first worksheet. While he diligently started scribbling across the paper, you had nothing to do other than watch him. You picked up on a few things in a short amount of time: math seemed to frustrate him. When faced with a particularly difficult problem, he would huff in annoyance. Nonetheless, he would complete it before moving onto the next one with a scrunched-up nose. It was incredibly cute and you couldn’t help the smile that found its way to your lips.

“Okay, I think I’m done.” He pushed the paper back to you before bringing his hands down into his lap, nervously toying with his fingers. He then brought his bottom lip in between his teeth, chewing delicately. You tried not to react, instead turning your attention to analyze his answers. Did he know what he was doing to you? After looking through all the questions, you tsked.

“Your trig teacher must’ve sucked.” You adjusted your sitting position so that the paper would be visible to the both of you. “For number four, you need to use the quadratic formula- which is X equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4 times A times C. Then you divide the whole thing by 2 times A.”

Mark tried to keep up with you as you explained, but his mind was way too focused on how good you looked while concentrating. On top of that, math was never his strong suit. He had always struggled since the moment variables were introduced into his lessons. Memorizing the quadratic formula was all too difficult when the explanation was coming from that pretty mouth of yours, he thought.

“B…? Wait where is the X comin-”

“Mark.” You interrupted, trying to the best of your ability to keep the smile creeping up on you at bay. The way his name rolled off your tongue so naturally enticed him. “I can already tell that you’re about two months behind with the trig curriculum. That alone will take me at least two weeks to catch you up on, and that’s if we meet practically every day.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Mark answers weakly, his eyes retreating down to the desk below him. Immediately, your demeanor softens at his vulnerability. “I know this probably isn’t how you’d like to spend your free time. I’ll find another way to catch up, I’m sure-”

“Hey. I said it would be a lot of work, I didn’t say I don’t want to tutor you. Luckily for you, I’m pretty much free this semester anyway. Now, the issue is if you are willing to put in the work.”

Oh, was he willing.

[two days later]

“So, after school at the cafe?” You ask, grabbing your books from your locker and securing them in one arm. The tutoring sessions would have to be extremely consistent to make any noticeable progress before the school’s opening games. They were a big deal within Neo Tech’s school community, and the pressure was on to see how the new point guard would compare to all the hype.

“Yeah, if that’s fine with you,” He murmurs before eyeing the small stack of books and papers cradled in your arm. Naturally, he feels the need to take that burden off your hands. After all, you would be the reason he even gets to play this season. Without you, it’s unlikely he would’ve caught up in time to make a good impression on Neo Tech and other schools alike. “Let me carry your books for you.”

“You don’t have to,” You insist, moving slightly so the books are a bit more out of reach. Mark pouts in response, leaning forward again in another attempt to grab the materials. He succeeds this time, his hand slipping around the stack and drawing them away from you. “Persistent, huh?”

“Guess you could say that.” He chuckles, wrapping the books in his arm just as you had done. This is the only plan he thought of to spend time with you outside of a studying environment, but he hopes you don’t notice these intentions. “We have class together anyway.”

“And where are your books?” You raise on eyebrow questioningly, beginning to walk with him beside you. History was never your favorite class, but you stayed on top of the work anyway. It was easier, you realized very early on, to get the work out of the way so you’d have more time for studying and other extracurricular activities.

“I leave them in my desk.” He shrugs, looking over to see you smiling widely. The baby pink color that takes over the apples of his cheeks is extremely obvious, but you don’t comment on it. Seeing Mark flustered is cute, you determined as soon as you had met him.

As the two of you walk through the large doorway of your history classroom, bubbly conversation fills the air. Your teacher, Miss Han, sits perched on her desk patiently. She was a nice lady, but it didn’t change the universal distaste for history among your class.

“Well, uh- I guess I’ll see you at the cafe.” Mark sets your books down on your usual desk quickly, scurrying to find his seat among some of the other basketball players that had this period with him. You recognize one of them as Hendery, a friendly acquaintance due to all the classes you two shared last year.

“I see you, Mark.” Hendery’s eyebrows raise in a teasing matter, shoulder bumping the boy next to him. Mark stares back at him, confused as to what he meant. “You carrying Y/N’s books.”

The explanation causes Mark’s blush to reappear, the heat becoming warmer and warmer upon his flesh. Hendery is one of the only guys on the team that he’s fairly close with, yet he still didn’t feel ready to tell him about his little crush.

“It was nothing, really. She’s tutoring me and I thought- why not?” He tries desperately to make his response seem nonchalant, but the act he puts on is no match for his flushed cheeks. Hendery, with one brow raised, eyes Mark’s cheeks. “Okay, maybe I think she’s kinda cute.”

“Bullshit! You like her!” He accuses in a whisper-shout type of voice. Mark groans in response, softly hitting his shoulder with a closed fist. A cackle leaves Hendery’s lips, his hand coming up to muffle the sound. “Dude, just ask her out! You’d be a very lucky guy.”

“I can’t just ask her out!” It comes out as a high-pitched shriek. “It’s not that simple. I mean, it is that simple. But what if she says no? Then I’ll have to deal with rejection and seeing her every day for our study sessions and-”

“Mark, you’re way too worried. Do you want me to talk to her? Find out some dirt? We had a few classes together last year-”

“N-No! That’s too obvious!” His voice sounds so exasperated by now, Hendery is afraid he’ll pass out. Talking with his hands is a nervous habit that happens when he’s rambling, and right now is no exception. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, dude.”

“Better hurry before someone else beats you to it.” At this, Mark’s head snaps in Hendery’s direction. Before he can even formulate a proper response, Miss Han clears her throat and silence falls upon the whole classroom. Throughout the lesson, though, Hendery’s words echo in Mark’s head. What did he mean by that?

“One iced americano and one green tea please.” Mark pulls out his wallet before you have time to protest, and by the time your mouth opens to say something, his receipt is already printed. You didn’t expect him to order for you when he asked what you liked from this shop. Oblivious, he turns to you and stops in his tracks when he sees your surprised expression. “Huh?”

“You didn’t have to pay for me.” Your voice is firm but you’re grinning over at him, ignoring the way your whole body feels warm because of his display of generosity. Buying drinks shouldn’t be such a big deal, you remind yourself. “I owe you a lot now- carrying my books and now coffee.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He shrugs, before examining the shop to find the best seats. He decides on the small table in the corner, shuffling towards the spot silently. Your brows furrow at his response, hoping for something a bit more engaging in terms of conversation but realizing that Mark wasn’t quite good at conversing in general. At least, around you, he didn’t seem to be.

The cafe became a regular stop before your tutoring sessions, the two of you eventually decide that the library was a better spot for studying. So, almost every day after school, you two would rush over there to pick up your usual orders before racing back to the library. Most of the private rooms filled up after dismissal, so you two always made it a point to manage your time efficiently. Coffee runs and then studying- that was your routine.

You had hoped to test the waters with some flirting, but your efforts seemed to go unnoticed. And when they didn’t, Mark would be a nervous wreck in response. You wondered if you should try your luck outside of your study sessions, but you didn’t have many opportunities since he sat nowhere near you during your shared classes. Study sessions and coffee runs seemed to be your only options.

On numerous occasion, Mark would slip his wallet out and pay for your coffee without a second thought. These events would result in a whole lot of whining on your part, always arguing that you should treat him once in a while too. He liked the idea of spoiling you, he wanted to say, though the invisible filter that was stuck in his throat never allowed him such a luxury.

Plus, the look on your face was equally as cute as your whines. Although you tried to be angry, the lopsided grin that always appeared made Mark’s stomach do flips. How was it possible to be that effortlessly pretty? It would take the nation’s top philosopher, Mark thought, to figure that one out.

“Mark!” You call, jogging over to his locker where he stands, putting his books away. He focuses on not being a clumsy mess then looks over at you, spending extra time admiring your all-black outfit: leggings and a v-neck. He forces his eyes not to travel south of your face, instead putting on a small smile. “I was wondering where you think we should study? The library is gonna be closed for a staff meeting today.”

Without thinking anything through, Mark immediately answers with, “Actually, my parents are out of town this week. We can study at mine if you want.”

Fuck. His eyes widen at his own words as soon as they come out. You can’t help but be surprised too, but your shock quickly turns into something much less decent. At this point, you’re dying to get your hands on him. You know that if you two have your study-session today, you’ll jump his bones the minute his hand so much as grazes yours.

“Oh, okay. Cool. So I’ll meet you after 8th,” You conclude with your voice sounding like pure honey to Mark. As you turn and walk away, Mark is unsurprisingly staring at your figure in those damn leggings. He wonders how much thought you put into your outfit, if you’re wearing it on purpose to torture him. He shakes the thoughts out of his head when he feels excitement course through his veins and towards the southern region of his body. No way is he going to get a boner now. Demanding his attention elsewhere, he rips his eyes away from you and tries to think of anything but how good your ass looks.

P.E. was always Mark’s favorite class. For most of his life, his Phys. Ed teachers had consistently been carefree and maybe a bit lazy. Their go-to lesson plan comprised of a few laps around the gym and then free-choice sports. Most of the girls opted for volleyball and badminton while almost every single boy could be found on the basketball court in the midst of a friendly scrimmage. Today is no different from the rest of those times.

Mark enjoys the friendly competition but easily leads his team to a win. He has gym with some of the other guys on Neo Tech’s basketball team, and it was easy to see how well he’d fit in with the pace of the other guys. At his old school, it always felt like he was being held back. He had to slow down his plays and examine the court thoroughly before he was able to make a proper judgment of his next move. With the Neo boys, everything seemed to come naturally.

He was able to gauge each player’s strengths and weaknesses fairly quickly too. For example, Hendery was a great shooter under pressure. When he gets boxed in by other defenders, that’s when his shooting is the most precise. So with that in mind, Mark always looks for Hendery when he notices that the opposing team’s defense is particularly aggressive that day. His judgments haven’t failed him thus far, with today’s scrimmage resulting in another win that should go down in the books.

Basketball was something that came easily to Mark his whole life. Talking to girls though? Not as much. He excelled on the court, took the lead and kept a risky attitude with unexpected plays and passes. He fits in well with Neo Tech’s strategy and game style. Plus, the guys on the Neo Tech basketball team were quick to befriend him and make him feel right at home. That is, of course, until he overhears one of his teammates, Lucas, talking to another teammate in the locker room as he begins to pack up his stuff after their particularly long scrimmage.

“Bro, are you really gonna shoot your shot with Y/N?” The other one- Xiaojun, he thinks- asks the taller boy. Lucas shrugs a little, folding his gym clothes neatly before placing the pile back in his locker. He’s not wearing a shirt, and Mark can’t hide the feeling of insecurity that seeps into his veins. Mark’s never been as built as that, but he never thought much of it until now.

“I mean, probably. She usually comes to our games, right?” He looks back at Xiaojun, eyebrows raised. The boy nods back slowly, a look of uncertainty on his face. “She’s so hot, especially in that one skirt she always wears.”

Mark’s jaw tenses and his whole body becomes rigid before he can calm himself down. He knows, in his mind, that he doesn’t technically have a right to feel possessive. He hasn’t made a move, so who was he to stop Lucas’s plans? This thought doesn’t stop him, however, from feeling the sudden urge to punch Lucas in his pretty face. It annoys him that all Lucas has to say about you is ‘She’s hot.’ To Mark, you were so much more.

He loves the way you insist on helping him and accept nothing less than 100% effort on work. He loves how you smile proudly at him when he finishes his worksheets with no errors, how you blush every time he pays for your coffee before a study session, how you always find a way to get something done if you commit to it, how you genuinely care about how his day went when no one else seems to ask. You’re more to him than a nice body in a short skirt. Much, much more.

Hendery notices his tense shoulders and pensive facial expression, quickly grabbing the shirt that was draped over his shoulder and sending a soft wack to Mark’s back. This seems to do the trick, his face softening when he realizes it was Hendery who hit him.

“Ignore them,” Hendery orders, folding the shirt in his hands and placing it back in his locker. He’s friends with both Lucas and Mark, but he can tell how much Mark likes you. Lucas’s crush would pass with time, it was a never-ending cycle with that one. “Lucas isn’t her type, trust me. And if you’re so worried, make your move.”

This time, Mark realizes that Hendery is all too right. He needs to do something-anything, before it’s too late.

Yet again, the end of the day comes too quickly for Mark to process. He blankly shuffles out of the lab room and is taken by surprise when he sees you leaning against the wall opposite the doorway. You push yourself off the wall when you spot him, and take into account how good he looks when he’s out of it. It makes you wonder how he’ll look when he’s all fucked out and-

“Ready?” Mark interrupts your thoughts. Instead of saying anything, because you don’t trust your voice at this point, you simply nod and begin pacing your walk so you’ll be shoulder-to-shoulder. Your shoulder brushes against his occasionally, but neither of you shows any sign of being bothered by it.

The car ride is full of thick tension and utter silence aside from the soft hum of the radio. Mark’s grip on the wheel is tighter than he’s used to but he can’t help it. He can feel your eyes on him, his skin beginning to warm underneath his usual basketball shorts and a loose tee. You study him shamelessly: the veins of his arms that bulge occasionally when he shifts the wheel one way and the other, his habit of biting his lower lip when the car in front of him drives too slow, and the simple things like the contour of his jawline.

He pulls into a driveway and you aren’t surprised by how lavish his house is. His mother and father are both high-ups in some big company, as Mark had put it. They take business trips often but still find time for their beloved son, while his older brother is away at the number one university in the country. One might ask why Mark needs an athletic scholarship if his parents have so much money. He thinks of it more as a pride thing. His father, before becoming a businessman, was also on an athletic scholarship for soccer. His older brother has one for baseball while he studies Marketing and International Finance. Sports scholarships were almost like a family heirloom for the Lee’s, along with a business degree.

He jumps out of his seat, closing the door behind him before rushing to the passenger side to open the door for you. Under normal circumstances, you might’ve blushed. But with Mark, you know you have to be the confident one between the both of you. No matter how flustered his smiles make you and how weak in the knees his deep voice makes you, you force yourself to put on a bold front.

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Mark snorts as he leads you through the foyer to the carpet-clad staircase. Humble was one way to put it. The whole interior has a simple, all-white color scheme. Upholstered leather loveseats were positioned neatly down the halls, with minimalistic tables to match. You let yourself take in your surroundings as both of you walk through the maze of his house towards what you presume will be his bedroom. Your guess is right; he stops in front of a white-painted wooden door and opens it just a bit to peek inside and make sure nothing was out of place. He breathes a sigh of relief that he decided to move anything remotely embarrassing to his walk-in closet as soon as he started his new school. Opening the door wider so that you could enter, you step in hesitantly and watch a little too intently at Mark closing the door firmly behind him.

His room is somehow exactly how you pictured it; a light blue color paints the walls. His full-sized bed leans against one wall, with posters of his favorite movies hovering above the headboard.

“Shit, I just realized that my desk-” You glance behind you, seeing his computer which took up most of the space that the desk had to offer and the somewhat large gaming chair that was tucked comfortably underneath said desk. Almost thanking fate for throwing this curveball in your favor, you just smile reassuringly at him.

“It’s fine, Mark. We can study on your bed.” Mark’s eyes widen suddenly and you realize that you probably gave him too much to process at once. “Or the floor, that’s fine too.”

“N-No! I mean- whatever’s more comfortable,” He manages to stutter out. Mentally, Mark would have said something spicy just to see you blush. However, in reality, Mark just couldn’t muster up the courage to openly flirt like that. His lack of confidence had posed many obstacles for him over the years. It seemed the one place he was truly confident was on the court.

“Well, it’s your room so I’ll sit wherever you sit.”

He nods once before setting his backpack at the foot of the bed and jumping back onto the soft mattress. Scooting up towards the headboard, he waits for you to do the same. You ignore the excitement that bubbles knowing his eyes are on you, and take a seat next to him with your bag still in hand.

“So uh- what are we gonna start with today?” Mark tries so hard not to seem phased by having a girl like you in his bed, but his patience is wearing thin and he can only blame himself. Maybe if he just made a move…

“We always start with trig.” You furrow your brows in confusion because it’s become a set routine already. Trig was always first because that was the subject he was most behind in. English was obviously not a problem for him and in terms of science, he was just behind with lab work that he could complete in school. “Then, we brush up on some science. I don’t really think you need it, though. You’re almost caught up with your lab work.”

“Oh, yeah. Right, of course.” He has to physically focus on not rambling or he’d be a mess all over. Of course, you know this by now. And while his shy and awkward demeanor is definitely adorable, it also makes you hesitate to try anything with him. After all, what are the chances of the shy boy in front of you gripping you up only to have his way with you?

Mark begins working on the sheets you give him almost as soon as you hand them over, eager to complete the work and somehow finesse his way into spending more time with you. He was being dumb, Hendery would continuously tell him. He should just go for it, because with a tutor ‘as hot as Y/N,’ why wouldn’t he? His lack of confidence makes him want to pull his hair from the roots, but he resists the urge and silently completes the worksheets. He double-checks all of his work carefully so that no time will be wasted in going over stupid mistakes. With a sigh of relief, Mark hands the papers over to you and looks up at you nervously. You always look so stoic when analyzing his answers, it intimidates him yet also lights a spark of excitement at the same time.

“Well done. There were no errors, just make sure you remember to show your work because the question requires-”

“Y/N?” Your name slips out of his mouth before he realizes it. You fall silent, eyes lifting to meet his dark brown ones. “Um… Can we maybe t-take the day off? I think I’d rather be doing almost anything other than trig right now.”

You don’t expect this question, because he’s never asked for a break. It was always about him being up to date with the curriculum so he’d be able to be part of the starting five. What you also don’t expect is for his eyes to flicker, very briefly, to the exposed skin of your upper body. There’s only a bit of cleavage showing, and a peek of your collarbones visible from certain angles. Suddenly, you realize that the time for making a move is now. And you can’t pass up the opportunity.

“What did you have in mind?” Your voice dripping like honey in the air. Slowly, you push the papers and books away from you and they hit the carpeted floor with a light thud. Mark gulps, finding his mouth dry when his mind goes blank with what to say next. Come on, Mark. Keep it together.

Instead of saying anything that might ruin the moment, he simply mimics you and pushes the books off his lap and onto the floor. When he turns back to face you, he’s met with your challenging gaze and he can’t help himself as he leans towards you without any doubt in his mind.

Your noses brush against each other, his face so close that you could feel every minty breath he lets out. You know what’s about to happen, and you no longer have the patience to delay it any further. Mark’s hesitant ways, while sweet and gentlemanly, drive you to the brink of insanity. And so, with a deep breath, your hand lifts to pull his face to yours. Your lips softly press to his, letting him process the fact that you’re actually kissing him before you grow impatient. Feverishly, you move your mouth against his. Mark swears he’s in heaven when he slowly opens his mouth a bit wider and your tongue automatically swipes against his. He’s been waiting for this moment- to feel your lips against his, to taste you in more ways than one. He needs it all, right now.

“Y/N,” He separates from you to breathe out your name. You practically bite back a moan, humming in response while his hands grab your waist. You expect him to say something, but he just kisses you again with more confidence than before. As he slowly leans back against the headboard, you follow him absentmindedly, simply chasing the heat of his lips against yours. You’re straddling him now, his hands moving to grip your ass cheeks with greed. The force makes you roll your hips in response, grinding down onto him unintentionally which makes Mark’s breath hitch.

You experiment, repeating the movement and pulling away from him only to see his reaction. His eyes are focused on the movements of your hips above his, concentration straining his face. After flipping your hair to one side, you continue your slow torture and lean down to kiss the spot below his ear. With his hands firmly clasping around your hips, you suck at his supple skin and lick over the spot when you’re done. By now, his breathing is a little heavy and uneven as his erection pressed against your clothed core. You feel him against you, his basketball shorts doing little to conceal his excitement.

“You’re driving me crazy,” He whispers as he drops his head to the crook of your neck, his breath tickling you slightly. You relish in knowing that the feeling is mutual. With every huffed-out breath, every soft kiss on your skin, you only become more reassured that you want this- and it makes it all the more worth it knowing that he wants this too.

You break the kiss to rid yourself of your t-shirt, the material on your warm body frustrating you a bit more than you’d like to admit. As you meet his eyes again- they’re filled with a hunger that causes your stomach to clench and arousal to pool within the confines of your panties- you can’t help the absolute urgency you feel to make him putty in your hands. So instead of kissing him again, you play with the hem of his loose tee, letting your hands graze over the skin of his abdomen. He hesitates, remembering the locker room fiasco with Lucas and suddenly he feels that insecurity itching at his skin again. He isn’t extremely built, his athletic body on the more slender side, but you don’t mind at all.

From his demeanor, you can already deduce what’s bothering him. You press a sweet kiss to his lips, almost silently telling him that you liked him just as he is. A kilowatt smile lights up his face, and your cool hands against his heated skin make him grab at the material to discard it himself. He stares up at you, waiting for your next move because quite frankly, he likes you in control.

“These too,” You order, pointing at his basketball shorts. Mark is quick to shimmy them off of his body, leaving only his boxers to conceal the length of his cock from your eyesight, though the bulge is very much prominent. You debate whether or not to fuck him then and there, but decide that having him writhing from your mouth alone would satisfy you more.

With a quick motion, you bring your lips down to the skin above the waistband of his boxers. He twitches slightly at the contact, and then feels your nails gently rake against his sides. He’s much too sensitive to your touch, and it almost scares him. How could you have so much power over him? Maybe it’s the way your plump lips push against his skin so confidently, how your eyes find his without a second thought. He envies your confidence, but he also finds it unbelievably addicting to have such control taken away from him.

Mark isn’t a virgin. But he also isn’t very experienced. His past sexual encounters were vanilla, with him hesitantly taking control because his girlfriends always expected such. His first time was awkward at best, his hips didn’t quite know how to fluidly move nor did his tongue know how to expertly flick against hers. He did get a bit better as time went on, or so he likes to think. But he feels so foreign to sex with you.

It might be because you seem so opposite of him- in terms of how easily everything comes to you. However, he doesn’t find it in him to assume anything about your sex life, because he doesn’t particularly care. He ignores any thoughts of how many guys you’ve been with or if they’d be better than him, because as your hands slowly pull his boxers down, he’s content with knowing all you’re thinking about is him, at this moment.

You hum pleasantly at the sight of his length free from its confines, a small bead of precum ready to drip from the head. Much to your surprise, your mouth salivates on its own at the sight. You stroke him twice in your small hand, before your spit comes down on the side of his dick. He watches you in awe as you slide him into your mouth without hesitation, your tongue running along the underside of his length. A guttural groan emits from the awestruck boy before he can stop himself, much to his dismay. It would make you grin if your mouth wasn’t preoccupied.

You begin to slowly, tentatively bob your head up and down on him as your hand twists up to meet your mouth. You look at him expectantly for his response, and it doesn’t disappoint. His hands fly to your head, fingertips smoothing over your scalp while he sucks in a harsh breath. His mouth drops open soon after, the warm and slick tunnel of your mouth proving to be quite the pleaser.

He feels nervous under your stare once again, but he certainly can’t look away from the sight before him. With your plump, infamously glossy lips wrapped around the tip of his dick and your tongue sliding obscenely over the slit. He wants to memorize every detail of the picture painted for him, so he stares at you and forces himself not to look away. He sees everything: the way you blink slowly as you take him further into your mouth, the way you search his face for reassurance that you’re making him feel good, the way you twist your wrist in an almost tortuous way that feels so, so good.

“Fuck, I need to feel you.” He gently, regretfully pulls your head away from his crotch. Your mouth detaches from his cock with a quiet popping sound, a string of spit connecting his dick to your bottom lip. Your mouth is tinted red and a little swollen, a bit of spit still left on the side of your mouth. Even so, Mark still thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.

He decides that, eventually, he’ll ask you out. The turn of events today is unexpected and definitely not what he had in mind, but he’s in too deep to put a stop to it now. He wonders if he fucked up his chances by going along with this, if you’d reject him because of the irony of him asking you out after he’s had his way with you. He swallows the nervous feeling that is rooted deep in his chest and stems out to the entirety of his body, pushes it aside to deal with later.

You undress quicker than Mark can process his thoughts, and for the first time since you’ve met him, your confidence wavers. Confidence was always something that came and went for you- the brave front you had put on didn’t quite prepare you for feeling Mark’s hungry eyes all over every inch of your body.

“Y/N- you’re so beautiful.” He motions you to get on top of him again, and you comply shyly. He kisses your lips once, then your cheek, then your neck, then your shoulder. All until you’re smiling so wide that you feel a pinch of pain in your cheeks. Mark Lee definitely owns your heart, no point in denial any more.

“W-Would you want to uh- ride me?” He stutters out clumsily, his hands finding purchase at his sides. This is why he likes that you take control. For one, it’s sexy as hell. For another, it gives him less room to be the nervous mess that he usually is.

At his question, your demeanor changes from a slightly nervous girl feeling so bare underneath his gaze to something even you didn’t know you had in you. You can feel your arousal as you slowly move closer to him, your thighs on either side of his. His boxers are still hanging just below his knees and he hurriedly kicks them off all the way.

“Condom?” You ask, eyes searching around his bedside but to no avail. Mark fumbles a bit, keeping one hand around your waist securely while the other rummages through the bottom drawer of his nightstand. After finally locating the box of condoms his mom insisted on giving him during freshman year, he pulls the foil packaging into sight. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly his hands make work to slide it securely over his length, but his desire is clouding his judgment more than he expected.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” His voice is a bit breathless as he carefully tucks some of your hair behind your ear. The action makes your face warm and quite possibly your heart. But you don’t admit that. Instead, you nod curtly before pressing a reassuring kiss to his lips. Without skipping a beat, you take hold of his cock and align it at your entrance. You run the head back and forth between your folds, but realize you’re only putting yourself through further cruelty with every second that passes with no relief to the throbbing of your core.

So without warning, you sink down on him at a painfully slow pace. Your slick folds welcome the stretch of his girth, the very feeling of him making you shiver with sensitivity. Mark looks down to where his dick is being swallowed by your core, finding it harder and harder to hold on to his sanity as you sink further down on him. You let out a soft, delicate moan when you feel him fill you up completely, and Mark swears he could cum just from hearing those angelic sounds. He then decides, if you two do this again, he’ll fuck you into his mattress until you’re crumbling at the seams because of him.

“Shit,” He mutters under his breath when you start bouncing on top of him. The sound of skin slapping against skin proves to be quite the soundtrack as you desperately grip his shoulders. You bite your lip in an attempt to muffle the screams of pleasure just aching to come out. Your moans come out in whimpers when Mark uses his thumb to draw figure 8’s on your clit. He’s biting his bottom lip, his facial muscles strained between a fucked-out state and a concentrated one.

“Such a good boy,” You muse lightly without even thinking. Your voice mumbling such praise causes Mark to gulp, and he’s strangely even more turned on. Then again, you’d been awakening emotions and sensations that Mark hasn’t quite felt before, didn’t even know were possible. On your side, you’ve never tried much dirty talk during sex, but for Mark, you were willing to try. You can tell he likes it by the way his grip on your hips tightens and his breathing becomes heavier. And so, as he pants and groans softly next to your ear, your pace turns merciless. You bounce on him with an unrelenting pace and he knows you won’t stop until he cums, hard.

“Oh fuck. Oh shit.” Profanities spill from his mouth, his eyes screwing shut intently at how good the friction between your folds was. He forces himself to continue rubbing circles into your clit, albeit a bit sloppy, but circles nonetheless. You’re only more motivated by his lewd sounds, feeling your walls clench even tighter around his throbbing cock. The sensation causes an idea to form in your head, and you decide that his reaction will be the most satisfying part.

“Feels so good. Are you close?” Innocence laces your voice as you grab his hand and guide it to one of your breasts. Watching as he instinctively grabs it greedily in his palm, you notice how hot his fingers look wrapped around your flesh which only fuels your idea. Mark nods eagerly at your question, his breathy pants coming out shorter, more frequent, and sinful enough to make your head spin.

Abruptly, you begin rolling your hips against him rather than bouncing, causing him to look up at you. Then, you grab his hand again and bring it to your throat, making him wrap his fingers around the width of your neck slowly. Mark’s mouth drops open a second time this afternoon, feeling his hand tenderly squeeze around your neck. Your breathing becomes a bit restricted, but not enough to cause any discomfort. The force only makes your eyes roll back, while Mark turns to putty underneath you. After a few seconds, he releases his hold and brings his hand down to knead your ass, whispering something about how good you feel. Despite his seeming increase of confidence, all that Mark is thinking about is the power trip he got from choking you. Holy fuck, did that really happen?

“Gonna cum now, baby?” You force the question out when you feel him begin to pulse inside of you, leaning down to suck on the skin where his shoulder and neck meet and then licking your way up to just below his ear. Gently and carefully, you take his earlobe between your teeth and pull away slowly. Mark, by now, is a writhing mess underneath you. He can no longer contain his sounds nor his desperation to climax, bucking his hips up to meet yours. The combination of his thumb running over your clit repeatedly and his dick hitting just the right spot has a white-hot pleasure burning through your entire body. “Mmph- Mark!”

“Fuck! I’m g- gonna cum,” He yelps when he hears you moan his name, his thumb’s movement over your clit becoming rougher, sloppier by the second. He gives up on trying to thrust up into you, instead letting you ride him with an almost animalistic nature. His face scrunches up, a choked groan falling from his open mouth as he feels his climax course through his entire body. His seed fills up the condom, the sensation of release so utterly euphoric that Mark isn’t sure if he’s ever felt this good. Your pace on his dick slows before coming to a complete stop, breathing heavily and feeling so out of it even without an orgasm.

“Lay down, beautiful,” He rasps out, moving from his position and running his hand along your thigh delicately. His half-lidded eyes meet yours before you obey his command, positioning yourself in the middle of the bed with your head resting comfortably on one of the pillows. Mark hovers over you, pressing affectionate kisses all over your upper body before traveling lower.

“I’ve never done this before,” Mark admits shyly, sucking on the skin of your inner thigh before repeating the action to the other one. As he licks a stripe up from your dripping core to your clit, you feel a shiver run all the way up your body. Noticing your reaction, he sucks your clit into his mouth and rolls his tongue over the sensitive bud. Your drawn out moan tells him he’s doing something right, so he continues to flick his tongue over the bundle of nerves while he looks up to see your face.

“Shit! More, p- please.” Your pleads leave his ears red and his mouth watering, his tongue moving to slide between your folds with a soft moan. The vibration combined with his tongue darting in and out of you languidly makes you see stars at this point. “Oh my god- are you sure you haven’t done this before?”

He chuckles lightly, seeing your brows furrow in concentration as he forces his tongue to fuck your core faster and faster. One of his hands comes down to rub over your clit, your juices creating a squelching noise every time his tongue moved inside of you. Mark swears he’s never felt more proud when your hand comes down to grip at his hair, pushing his face further into you just as your thighs clench around his head.

“You’re so wet,” Mark praises before going back to thrusting his tongue between your folds. The taste makes him hum, vibration spreading through your lower region and making you whimper in satisfaction. Mark’s a quick learner, you see, when he continues to hum and groan into your pussy as his finger circles your clit consistently. “Cum, baby.”

You give in to his command, letting yourself fall apart at the seams underneath his mouth. Your pussy throbs around his tongue as you ride out your orgasm, a moan caught in your throat as your mouth hangs open in an ‘O.’ Mark happily laps up your juices, diligently downing every last drop before collapsing on the mattress next to you.

“Wow,” He remarks in awe, peering at you through the corner of his eyes. You’re still trying to catch your breath, but you laugh lightheartedly anyway as you turn your body to face him. A few pieces of hair cling to your forehead, and he delicately pushes them away from your face before caressing the curve of your jaw.

“The game’s coming up,” You comment, your hand toying with the one that wasn’t touching your face. The game was so important to him, you couldn’t think of anything else you’d rather talk about in this moment. “Aren’t you excited?”

“Well, yeah of course. A little anxious, but I think that’s normal before a big game.” Basketball might be the one thing he could talk about without a nervous bone in his body. No stuttering, no confusion, just speaking his mind. “Do you like basketball?”

You nod in response, giggling at the face he makes that’s somewhere between surprised and overjoyed. Basketball was something you enjoyed watching and analyzing, especially since it was such a big thing for the students of Neo Tech. Most schools prided themselves on their football team, but not Neo. Basketball had always been like gold.

“What do you think of our starting five? Maybe you can tell me something I haven’t picked up on.”

“Hmm,” You start, fully prepared for the rant that’s about to happen. “Xiaojun is a pretty amazing shooting guard, he almost always knocks down shots whether he’s open or not. Ten can’t be matched when it comes to being a small forward. He’s quick as hell, and I see him use that to his advantage a lot when he’s trying to get open. Hendery- where do I even start? He’s so versatile when it comes to shooting, perimeter shots and jump shots- it doesn’t matter, he can make them all. And his defense skills are crazy, he’s fearless even up against bigger guys. I mean, I guess that’s normal among power forwards but-”

Mark zones out a bit as he prepares for you to talk about Lucas. What were you going to say? Would your eyes light up when talking about him? Would you gush about how good he was? He hopes not, especially not after what just happened.

“Lucas is a good choice for center. He’s tall, so it makes sense that he’s the best at rebounds. His shooting ability is fairly decent, but he needs work on his passing in my opinion.” He’s surprised to see that you keep your comments completely analytical, not even blinking an eye as you continue your commentary. If Mark liked you a lot before, hearing you talk about basketball has him on the verge of calling out for cupid.

“And you-” Mark’s ears twitch, his attention completely and utterly focused on you. Had you seen videos of him playing at his old school? He dreads the thought, knowing that he wasn’t playing to his full potential back then. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to see this Friday.”

“Is it too early to say ‘marry me?’“ He jokes, and both of you laugh. Secretly, though, you wish he had been more direct from the beginning. Seeing him with his newfound confidence is even more attractive than seeing him flustered. You wonder what today will bring of your relationship, but decide to wait and bring it up after his big game. He needs a clear head, and so do you if you want to see him perform to the best of his abilities on game night.

[game night]

You aren’t disappointed in the least bit, savoring every minute of the game and concentrating on how good Mark is. His position was always point guard, and now you understand why. He has a certain talent, it’s not technical. Sure, he’s a great shooter and he’s ruthless with defense. But more importantly, he facilitates the team in a way that makes all of the players better. He plays using their strengths, knowing exactly who to look for in any given situation rather than making himself the star.

He leads the team flawlessly, and you’re sure everyone feels it too. The momentum the five boys build up in the first half is too strong for the other team to compete with. By the time half-time is up, it’s clear that Neo Tech will come out on top. There’s a certain feeling lingering in the air as the coach switches out Ten and Hendery for Yangyang and Jungwoo. No matter what the coach does, who switches out, the outcome is secured.

Despite how certain victory is, it doesn’t stop everyone holding their breath as the shot clock winds down to its final seconds and Mark steps back to launch the ball into the air. Everyone is still as the ball seems to move in slow motion, a loud swoosh sound echoing throughout the gym seconds before the final buzzer blares, indicating the end of the game. The crowd is immediately on their feet and cheering, high-fiving and fist-bumping all around.

You’re sitting in the first few rows, so it’s easy to run out onto the court. The school’s sports reporters, Chenle and Jisung, are already holding the microphone towards Mark to record a post-game interview for tomorrow’s newsreel. They only get to ask a few questions, though, before Mark’s eyes are on you.

A bright, proud smile graces your face and Mark is sure he wants to see that same smile every day of his life. You’re standing a few feet away, facing him and the rest of the boys on the team. This reminds him of Lucas’s conversation in the locker room, and he knows that now is no time to be shy.

So, he answers one final question before brushing off the two boys and turning towards you. His walk is confident now, as if he’s done this millions of times before. Now, he stands with you toe-to-toe and he lets his arms wrap around your waist slowly.

If it’s even humanly possible, you push your body closer to his and drape your forearm over his shoulder. His eyes stare directly into yours, the shy boy long gone and replaced with the same courageous Mark that was on the court tonight.

“How’d I do?” He whispers as he leans his forehead against yours, his breath tickling your nose. Everyone on the team is watching, but it doesn’t bother either of you. Instead of answering, you grasp his jaw and press your lips against his. It doesn’t take long for him to respond, his mouth moving against yours slowly and affectionately. You pull away after a few moments, still beaming up at him.

“I guess you finally got together, huh?” Hendery smirks from his spot on the bench beside the two of you, and Mark laughs quietly. Though, Hendery’s statement reminds him that he never did ask you out. His brow quirks upwards when he meets your eyes, the silent question spelled out right in front of you.

“Yeah, we did.” Your answer is what he’s been dying to hear since the moment you walked into Principal Yoon’s office, and it feels even better knowing that he isn’t daydreaming this time. This is real, you returning his feelings- it’s all real. And Mark couldn’t be happier.

“I told you she liked Mark!” Xiaojun throws a victorious, high pitched scream at Lucas as they walk towards the locker room.

#nct #mark lee #nct scenarios #nct reactions #mark scenarios #mark imagines #nct imagines #nct smut #mark smut #nct fluff #mark fluff #neo tech high school series #happymarkday #nct 127 #nct dream

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system76 · 4 years ago

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Behind the Scenes of System76: Customer Happiness Team

In this installment of our Behind the Scenes series, we spoke with head happiness guru Emma Marshall, an enthusiastic Linux, pink, and T-Swift enthusiast who helms the Support Team. Read on for an inside look at the methods—and the madness—of System76’s tech support crew.

First off, let’s talk a little bit about the Customer Happiness Team’s role at System76.

We handle the customer experience after the sale. We want our customers to know that we care about them, and we make sure that they’re feeling like they’re getting the attention they deserve when they do have a problem. We also make sure that they’re happy at the end of their solution.

If a customer has a specific complaint, or if we see something that hasn’t been communicated correctly that gave them a wrong impression, then I communicate with the other departments in a productive and positive way so we can get to a better solution as a company. So I report things to QA, we get bugs filed and handled, and we ask questions to engineering when we don’t know how to fix something. We try to collaborate as efficiently as possible.

As the head of all things Happiness, what is your approach to the process of providing support?

We have this little acronym, it’s the H.A.P.P.Y. approach to tech support. The H stands for Human. Instead of using scripts and sending out links every time, we’ll put the actual solution in the ticket and we’ll greet them with empathy and their name. We don’t have any automated things happening in there. Nothing is robotic in tech support. Everything is handled by a human.

The A is for Active, meaning we keep the tickets active until they’re resolved. So if a customer has gone quiet, or if a repair tech has gone quiet, we make sure to ping them constantly until the problem is 100% taken care of.

The first P is for Positivity, which helps keep our customers and our team happy, and the second P is for Productive - we want to keep our queue moving as quickly as possible. We don’t want to ask questions that aren’t relevant to the case. We want to keep customers on the track of being productive as well, so if they’re focused on voicing negativity, we try to steer the conversation in a more productive direction to keep everyone focused on reaching a solution.

And then the Y is for You. We encourage everyone on the team to be their nerdy selves, so if a customer mentions something they love, they can chime in and nerd out with the customer for a few minutes and have that little touch of their personality to the call or to the ticket. So that’s our H.A.P.P.Y. approach to tech support.

This year was the System76 Care Team’s “happiest” year on record. What do you think made it so successful?

It’s a combination of the work of everyone in the company. I think we have a mix of really good products, incredible engineering, a QA team that caught potential issues before shipping products, and a sales team that provided the right information so the customer purchased the best product for them. And then a support team that made sure things were solved quickly and happily at the end. That’s what we strive for every year! I also have an epic team right now.

How would you describe you and your team’s backgrounds in Linux?

They’re all Linux fans. Two of them are customers, and one of those customers is a SuperFan! I used to have another Superfan on the team, so that seems to be a trend for us. Two guys on our team did tech support for colleges, so they have server and sysadmin backgrounds, and then we have two team members with customer service backgrounds as well.

I actually met Thomas at a Linux conference when he was still a customer service rep for an office supply company. He was clearly like all of us: a complete nerd. He just naturally fit. We all have our nerdy quirks and come from very different backgrounds, but combining our knowledge and collaborating helps us solve the tickets with the same quality. The individuality on the team is what makes it so fun!

I went to school for journalism and worked for a couple newspapers. Then, I had a customer service job for a couple of years. After that I came to System76. Actually I just reached 9 years of working at System76 today! I’ve done every single role at System76 basically, besides being an engineer. My last positions were a combination of customer service and communication. Communication is by far the hardest part of my job, so that experience has really helped me gain better communication with everyone across the company.

How do you ensure your team stays close amid the chaos?

We all do game nights together. We have a really tight bond as a team, which I think really contributes to our success.

Are there any new “features” planned for the Care Team in the near future?

A major focus for this year is one-and-done tickets, as well as cutting down on response times. We want to get everything we can in the initial message to the customer to hopefully get a solution accomplished within one message. The team has been doing a contest the past couple months, and it is amazing how many tickets they can get one-and-done. So I know we can do that sort of motivation work a lot more often to get tickets solved quicker, and have less in the queue for longer periods of time. It’ll be awesome.

Any advice for people looking to start their tech career in a support role?

I think it’s important to have a customer service background. And I mean any customer service, even working at a retail store. Being a human and putting yourself in other people’s shoes is such an integral part of being a tech support technician. Anything where you have to communicate with other people for a year. At least get some of that under your belt.

And if you’re a hobbyist, just keep learning. Learn everything you can all the time. You can’t know enough as a tech support rep, and you have to always be curious. Be curious about the problem and be curious about the solution. You have to have a desire to always want to find answers and find new ways to fix things.

You’re one of System76’s longest-running staff members. What’s it been like to watch the company grow?

It’s been unreal. Amazing. It actually makes me tear up a little because I couldn’t be more proud of a project that I’ve been a part of, you know? It’s been very cool watching Carl as an owner and as an innovator. To have someone that inspires you so much, and to be able to be part of their project as well makes me not want to go away. I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen next. That’s the best part.

Do you have a favorite moment?

I have two. Wait… I have a lot. But I’ll try to keep it to two. The Pop!_OS release in 2017, when we released the operating system and were flashing USBs, like hundreds of USBs in this side room. We were in an office building, but we were actually starting to try to manufacture things with a laser in this side room that had black curtains so no one could see what we were doing in there. So all of us bunched into this really small room and we popped champagne bottles and they were flashing the USBs. They were all over the table. It was so cool. I think we all got a little tipsy that day. Maybe a lot tipsy, actually.

Then we had our first million dollar month. That was when our office was downtown. It was a day of celebration for everyone. It was the realization of how big we’d become. There was so much laughing and excitement, and we were a small, tight-knit team at the time. I remember that day feeling like, wow, we’re really doing well. That was a really cool feeling.

Do you miss being at the office?

Oh yeah. I think it gets to me some days. I miss everyone, and I just want to be around people. I want to go bug Bjorn, or make people smoothies, or flip some hamburgers or bring lunches. I want to do all that fun stuff that I used to, but now I’m having to try to manage that remotely. But the video calls, those help.

The game nights help as well. We used to do those in person, but we can’t really do them in person right now so I’m having to settle with remote things. It’s been rough, but it’s something we’ve got to deal with, just like everything else. So deal with it with a smile and we’ll get through it.

What’s your favorite cat gif?

I have a lot. Fixing time clocks is an annoying little task. Sometimes the time clock we use just poops and doesn’t work right, so my rule is any time I have to fix the time clock for a team member, they have to send me cat gifs. That’s their payment. So I get quite a few cat gifs every week. In our team chat, any time I’m upset about something, the cat gifs come in a waterfall.

The one that really sticks with me is the cat with the pink wig on, and a headset, typing on a computer. I saved that one myself.

I can’t help but notice I’m in a couple of these photos.

You’re one of us, Alex. Just accept it.

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kauladoeswriting · 4 years ago

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Life Will Change, Prologue

What you see here is possibly my weirdest passion project, and frankly I’m a little terrified to share it. But what the hell, I might as well get it over with. If I keep tweaking it it’ll never get posted. No beta we die like men. Yell at me if there’s any weird continuity errors.

While knowledge of neither series is necessarily needed, it will probably make it more enjoyable. Fandom: Rockman.EXE/Persona 5 Fusion Wordcount: 1764

AO3

Next Chapter

November 18th, 2016

After School...

"After him!"

The night sky glittered through the windows as Joker ran by, moving along the sills of the window with grace born in practice and time.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were intentionally leading them on," Nurse commented in his ear.

"Psh, nah. You know how no nonsense he is! He wouldn't do that!" Ribbon responded. Despite her words, her tone revealed she was as joking as Nurse.

"He's going to get caught if he doesn't stop," Rock scolded. "There's an air vent to your left, Joker. Take it."

"Lighten up, Rock!" crooned Light. "You and Nurse worry way too much!"

"Worry? You misunderstand me, Light. Joker's just an idiot." They could almost imagine Nurse tapping her foot without even seeing it.

"I think none of you are taking this with appropriate seriousness." Soldier jumped in. "The only ones even trying seem to be myself, Rock, and Popup." No one could see Soldier, as he was off by himself, but they could hear his frown loudly over the comms.

"Because we should act like a dog?" Light asked, immediately followed by a yelp as someone smacked him. If Joker had to guess, it was Ribbon or Popup.

"How about you're all a distraction and really need to be quiet?" Joker asked, grinning all the same. He had taken Rock's advice, pulling himself up into the vents and let himself out into maintenance hallways, avoiding the guards chasing him for now.

With a quick look around to make sure he really alone, he crept down the hallway, leaping from shadow to shadow. He ducked behind a plush chair as a pair of guards ran by, hoping to catch any one of the nine thieves currently running about the building. They ran by the leader, but of course, they didn’t notice him.

They never did.

Climbing through the building had led Joker to the upper floors. Okay, going up made things a little tougher, but he had accepted that escaping from down below was hopeless on foot. “HALT!”

Oh, wonderful. He was found again. How were they tracking him so fast, exactly?

“There’s no way around! Joker, you’ll have to fight your way through!” Rock’s voice echoed in his ear, the navigator trying his hardest to manage all of the escapes at once. (He really didn’t envy the navigator’s job.)

Drawing his sword from his sheath, he took a wide slash, striking both of the blob like security guards and causing them to dissolve. In a moment, they were more solid demons, something he could actually fight. Have to finish this quickly! Joker grabbed his mask, summing a figure with long flowing hair next to him. “Let’s do this in one shot.” The figure readied it’s blade, wreathed in dark energy.

“EIGAON!” The swordsman next to him drew his sword back, and then in one fluid movement, tore straight through the opposing shadow. Not waiting a moment longer, Joker drove his sword straight through the chest of the shadow’s friend, drawing his pistol quickly and shooting it for good measure.

“And that’s that.” He said, pleased, tucking his weapons back into their respective holsters. “Good one Joker! Now get going!” Rock encouraged.

“Watching him fight is fun, can we look for more things to- OW! Will you stop that?” Light complained, more shuffling as he evidently swung back this time. “Are you trying to get us in trouble?” Ribbon asked.

Shaking his head, Joker took off down the hall way, continuing his hunt for a safe way out. Whatever map he was using, apparently Rock was unable to give him more useful directions.

He was at the top of the building now, looking for a way out when the guards found him a second time. He could fight his way out, or he could do the fun thing…. How much did he feel like channeling Light?

With guards on both sides, and a 5 on 1 match seeming unlikely, even with his skill and variety, Joker decided that channeling Light was in fact the best option here. Pivoting on his heel, Joker faced the huge window directly to his left, and with a few steps back, launched himself straight into it, guarding his face with his arms. For the briefest of seconds, Joker let himself fly through the air, before shifting to head down and land on his feet. For a precious few seconds, Joker thought he might have actually made it outside safely, and that he’d escape from the building unharmed.

And then all at once, the world in front of him lit up with the spotlights of SWAT officers. Oh. Oh hell. Pivoting on his heel, Joker jumped up to grab the fire escape ladder, encouraged by the chanting of his teammates in his ears. He climbed as quickly as he could.

In the back of his mind, he could feel everyone yelling at him, warning of incoming danger. Not just his teammates either. Officers greeted him at the top of the ladder. Even though he knew they were coming, Joker couldn’t help looking surprised. Even more so, when they stomped on his hands, forcing him to let go and sending him spiraling back to the ground.

This time, Joker wasn’t able to control his plummet.

The following was a flurry of motion and noise, as his comm link was torn away and he lost contact with his teammates, amid their worried commentary. “So young, huh?” Commented one officer, grabbing Joker’s face and roughly examining it, as if to get an idea who he was behind his mask. “To think that an actual kid has been committing this string of crimes…” Joker hoped the glare came across the way he wanted it to. With his arms pinned with an adult’s full bodyweight to his back, there’s not much else he can do. “You were sold out, you know.” Another officer, this one far more arrogant sounding, knelt down next to Joker. “You can thank your teammates for this.”

And then Joker’s world went dark.

========

When Joker came to, it was not to the same beautiful building he had fallen asleep in. Rather, it was in a concrete room he had never seen before, with two officers staring him down. He blinked slowly, trying to process the world around him.

His face was bare. His mask was missing. And looking down revealed that he wasn’t wearing a a tuxedo of any kind, or any kind of weapons; just his day clothes.

“Assault, Murder, Grand Larceny, Obstruction of Justice, Property Damage, and more.” The officer was reading his charges. “Quite an impressive rap list for someone who is like, 17 years old?” He asks. Joker glared, not willing to respond to them. If they expect him to cooperate with them, they had another thing coming.

Apparently, the officer with the clipboard had the same idea. “Now, kid. You can make this easy, or you can make it hard. We have a confession prepped for you. All you have to do is sign.” Still not willing to open his mouth, Joker shook his head no, trying as much to shake the worry of his teammate’s safety as he is trying to push away the orders of the officer. He needed to hold his ground. They knew the plan, he had to trust they carried it out.

The officer didn’t agree with Joker’s vow of silence, shoved the chair over, throwing the teen to the ground. “Think you can be a real smart guy, eh? We’ll get your name, one way or another, kid.”

Blue eyes wandered to the camera in the back corner, behind the officer. The officer turned to see what Joker was looking at, and then laughed. “Are you hoping for the camera to save you kid? That someone will see this and come to your rescue? Let me burst your bubble; They don’t come to save criminals like you.” The clipboard is roughly shoved in Joker’s face again, as someone realized they should probably release his hands if they expected him to write. “Don’t even think about lying kid. You’ll just be caught immediately.” He chuckled, as if it were funny. “Not that you could anyways.” Deciding to cooperate to avoid another harsh hit like that, even though he was confused by the statement, Joker raised his hand to write his name on the clip board.

Ijuuin Enzan

The officers looked at the name for a moment. “Isn’t it that kid of that CEO…?” Asked one.

“The one who got in trouble over assaulting a politician?” The other officer confirmed it with a nod.

“You’re going away for a long time kid.” The one that had shoved the clipboard in his face kicked him again, almost completely for ‘good measure’ at this point.

And then he was alone.

=======

Enzan finally climbs to his feet and at least rights hs chair. He was stuck in this room for the foreseeable future. He was waiting for a certain someone, but that person had to actually show up… and a part of him couldn’t help but worry that all their planning was for naught.

Those worries were assuaged when a woman with her hair in a ponytail, wearing a clean pink suit with a blue tie. If anyone could make that look professional… “Ijuuin-kun. I apologize, but we’ll need to make this as quick as you can manage.” She got right to work, setting the folder in her arms down and spreading them across the table. “I have had some time bought for me by my superior, but unfortunately they seem insistent you don’t get a fair shot.” Enzan couldn’t say he was surprised. With a rap sheet like his, he can’t imagine anyone wanted to see him walk free. If only they knew….

“We have been told...things about how you committed your crimes.” Manabe began slowly. “However, the explanations are… spotty at best.”

Enzan nodded. They sounded unbelievable to him even know, and he had been at this for the better part of a year.

“They say you steal hearts, and fittingly, all those your target have make a complete 180 in their behavior. Ijuuin-kun, I need you to tell me everything so I can make an effective defense. I know their… methods, may make talking a little hard, but I need you to try.” Her nose crinkled a little bit at the comment. “You have to try.” “From the beginning?” Enzan spoke finally.

“From the beginning.” Manabe agreed.

“Well. It started in early April ...”

#megaman battle network #rockman.exe #mmbn #persona 5 #fanfic #life will change

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thelastbertinelli-a · 4 years ago

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Resentment || Discord

Events: Helena tracks down the hide out of a gang she’s been surveilling for a while, Dinah interrupts her and Helena is not happy Date: a while ago Involved: Huntress and Black Canary @heartheblackdamncanary Mentioned: brief mention of Supergirl Trigger warnings: N/A Word count: 1,627

HUNTRESS: She'd been tracking this gang for a while now, ever since they appeared in the city really, trying to find out where they were hiding and most importantly how they had managed to grow so fast, where did they get their money from? She had her suspicions, which was the main reason she'd taken such an interest in this. Helena was about to find out if her suspicions were right or not, she'd finally managed to follow some of the members back to what appeared to be their main hideout. She'd simply been watching for a while, she didn't know how many were inside, she'd seen at least ten different people in the time she'd been watching and there were probably a lot more. She knew going inside was risky as she didn't know exactly what she was walking into, she had to be careful. Her usual method of bursting through a door or window to attack wasn't going to work this time, she had to sneak in, make sure no one spotted her, get the information she was looking for and get out. She'd fight if it came down to it but this was one time she hoped to avoid it.

BLACK CANARY: Huntress had been avoiding her; it wasn't too hard to figure that much out. Helena was no Babs, but the woman had a way of knowing things just the same, and Dinah knew that her return to Gotham hadn't quite remainded under the radar. So, that left one explanation. Helena was avoiding her, and that meant the vigilante was probably pissed at her too. Dinah remembered how they'd left things and the feelings that they'd shared. Neither of them were big on emotions -- Dinah cracking jokes to brush things off and Helena remaining deadpan as always -- but they'd had a moment. A moment that made Dinah realize just how hard it was going to be to leave, and still... Dinah left. She'd tracked Helena down and waited it out a bit before deciding that enough was enough and that it was about time they talked. Of course, Dinah never did claim to have good timing since Huntress was clearly on a solo mission that was likely not going to end well.

"So, are you planning on going in all Rambo and putting an arrow in all of those guys? Or are you thinking something a little more Mission Impossible - Tom Cruise kind of vibe?" Dinah interrupted when she landed softly behind Huntress.

HUNTRESS: Helena had heard that Dinah might be back, she hadn't made any effort to confirm it though, so it wasn't that she was avoiding Dinah per say, just that she didn't know she was back, at least that's what she was going to tell her. She hadn't expected Dinah to show up when Helena was on a mission, Dinah really needed to work on her timing, this was the last thing she needed right now. She had to focus on the mission not on whatever she felt about Dinah leaving and not hearing anything from her for a year, that wasn't important right now.

"I haven't seen either of those movies" Huntress replied, she didn't look at Black Canary though, keeping most of her attention on the building she planned to break into, hopefully without anyone noticing. "You really need to leave, you're not needed or wanted here."

BLACK CANARY: Dinah wasn't expecting a hug or open arms, so Helena's greeting was not surprising -- more of a grunted response than anything. Her eyes surveyed the building in front of them. Shit looked serious; it was too serious for Huntress to be flying solo, but Helena didn't seem to care about that fact. "Since when has anyone's opinion mattered to me?" Dinah shot back. "So, shut up and give me the 4-1-1."

HUNTRESS: Dinah was someone Helena had once considered her best friend, at times her only friend, and she was her teammate, now Helena just wanted her to leave. She'd been hurt and mad when Dinah left and if Dinah thought Helena would just pretend like it didn't happened when she came back she was very wrong. "I don't need your help" she'd been tracking this gang for a while, she had a plan, which didn't involve Dinah. "I have a plan for infiltration, for a quick exit and I have plan if it goes wrong, none of it involves a second person, so why don't you just leave? You're great at that."

BLACK CANARY: "Don't need it or don't want it?" Dinah quipped back, knowing the answer was both. Helena rarely needed help, and even if she did she would never admit it. Team sports were never Helena's thing, but she was a hell of an asset to the Birds in the day and... Dinah trusted her. "Someone has to watch your 6, even if you think it's covered."

HUNTRESS: "You know when I needed you? December when I- doesn't matter" Dinah had left, she'd been gone for a year, she didn't get to come back now and just decide that Helena didn't know what she was doing, like she hadn't been working on this for months. "You left, you made your choice" they weren't friends, they weren't teammates anymore, there was no reason for Dinah to be here. "If I needed back up I'd call Nightwing or Supergirl, someone I trust."

BLACK CANARY: The words were a slap in the face, but now wasn't the time to hit back. A fight now would just blow whatever cover Helena thought she had. The decision to leave hadn't been easy, and leaving Helena and the rest of the Birds of Prey had been the hardest part. December? There was a red flag going off in her head that this detail was important, but just as soon Helena brushed on to add another layer of insults. "Right. Let's talk about how you're best buds with those two after we get what you came here for, alright?"

HUNTRESS: Helena clenched her fists as she resisted the urge to punch Dinah, she didn't have time for this, and Dinah was really pissing her off right now. "There's no we" she exclaimed, still trying to keep herself calm but Dinah was making that very difficult. "You don't get to come back here and decide you know best, I've been working on this since before you came back, this is really important and I'm not going to risk you messing it up just because you have zero faith in me."

BLACK CANARY: "This isn't about faith," Dinah hissed back with a roll of her eyes. "This is about me trying to have your back because that's what we used to do. I don't see why that has to change now." Except that everything had changed between them when Dinah had packed her bags and left her world behind.

HUNTRESS: Dinah was her best friend, the one she shared things with she'd never told anyone else, she never thought she'd ever feel so much anger towards her, maybe Colleen was right and she did have rage issues, but she had a lot to be angry about. "You don't-" every word out of Dinah's mouth seemed to just make Helena angrier, Dinah was acting like her leaving wasn't a big deal, that nothing had to change between them and it made Helena want to punch her, did she really not realize how much her leaving had affected Helena, or did she just not care? "It has to change because I don't trust you anymore, because I would rather go in there alone than have you as my backup" she said in a harsh whisper, she couldn't yell like she wanted to because then they might be discovered. "You made your choice when you left, you're not welcome in my life anymore."

BLACK CANARY: She should have expected it. The anger. Helena had always had her fair share of anger. It was an anger that Dinah understood on a certain level. Their anger came from different places, but they both wanted to see justice done in the world. It had taken time, years even, but Dinah had managed to find a way past Helena's anger to really know the other woman. Now, she'd managed to fuck it up in some attempt to becoming someone else. "Okay," she said with a nod. "I'll leave you to it." She left Helena there, but she lingered around long enough to watch Huntress slip in and out of the building safely.

HUNTRESS: Growing up the way she did she'd never really had friends, she'd hang out with the kids of the other Mafia families when they came over for meetings but she didn't consider them friends. She didn't have any friends as she got older either, more focused on her training and later her mission to care about making friends, then she'd met Dinah. Dinah had been her first friend, her only friend for a long time, the first person Helena had allowed to get to know her underneath all the anger, then Dinah had left. Dinah had left and Helena didn't want to let her back into her life, she wouldn't give Dinah the power to hurt her like that again.

Dinah finally accepted that Helena didn't want her help and she could finally get on with her mission. Getting inside undetected was easy, finding the location of the information she needed without anyone noticing her was harder and getting out without being spotted was the hardest part of all. She was determined though, if she was spotted it would prove that Dinah was right and that was the last thing she wanted. Ultimately she was in and out in ten minutes, now with the information in her possession, all without the help of Dinah.

#c: dinah #discord: resentment

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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In Retrograde : Chapter Two (branjie) - ephemerals

Author’s Note: Thank you for all the support on the first chapter!! I’m glad you are enjoying reading because I have enjoyed writing this. You can find me at @missvanjies.

Synopsis: After spending months uninspired, Vanessa, a local reporter, becomes infatuated with writing a story surrounding the downfall of a police officer discharged after killing an innocent man.

When Brooke Lynn returns to her hometown after her life begins to fall apart, she doesn’t expect to find solace in the charismatic brunette who seems just a little too invested in uncovering all the secrets of her past.

In the days that followed the night at the bar, Vanessa’s mind had become plagued with inspiration. She had pitched her idea to Michelle, the editor. A think piece, the details will come later. All she knew was that the star of the show would be Brooke Lynn Hytes and her fall from grace. Surprising, Michelle enjoyed her ambition. Probably excited to read something with some substance. She just needs to see a draft on the table by the end of the week.

However, it becomes clear to Vanessa that she’s overlooked a lot of details and maybe she was a little too ambitious. Her grand plans are thwarted by crippling writers block, and when it hits the night before the deadline, she’s got absolutely nothing on her page. She needs to do some research, and quick. So, Vanessa reverts to the most effective method of gathering research; Facebook stalking.

Brooke Lynn Hytes. Seventy-four mutual friends. Vanessa enlarges her profile picture. She’s smiling, looking down from the camera towards her cocktail. It’s obviously taken by someone else on vacation, probably somewhere Mediterranean. Her blonde hair is back pulled in a tight bun, skin bronzed and absolutely glowing. If Vanessa didn’t know she was doing research on a criminal, she would have assumed this woman was an Instagram influencer or something along those lines.

Vanessa aimlessly clicks through several public photos, all of them seeming meticulously chosen. There was not a single bad photo among the bunch. In every single photo that loaded, Brooke looked the exact same. Tall, blonde surrounded by other beautiful women, handsome men. And that’s when she notices something. Not a single one of these photos were uploaded by Brooke, nor were they uploaded recently. Vanessa keeps scrolling through the pictures, all dated two, three years in the past.

And there’s this man. He’s in almost every single photo. Just slightly taller than her, dark hair, designer suits. Gorgeous and absolutely terrifying. Intrigued, Vanessa opens his tag. Luke Connelly. Luckily for her, his profile was completely public. Investment banker. Toronto. Got engaged to Brooke Lynn Hytes in August, 2015. Broke up with Brooke Lynn Hytes March, 2018. Well, this is just an assumption. There’s a surplus of brand new photos featuring a much younger, much smaller blonde girl. Her names Ariel and she’s a makeup artist. Vanessa also assumes Luke has known her longer than March.

After spending the better part of an hour scouring through the network of profiles, Vanessa concludes that she isn’t going to reach the deadline. That’s always when she decides that maybe she needs a drink.

…

Brooke’s been bored shitless for days. She’s really trying to stick to the promise she made with Nina. To behave herself, stay out of trouble. It’s been easier that she thought to do so. In the week she had been home, she had left the house only once and the entire time strangers gawked at her like they had seen a ghost. She spent her hours dwindling down her parents collection of mature wines and watching whatever Netflix recommended to her. It was just enough to distract her from thinking about her life, but not enough to entertain her.

As the supplies began to run dry, Brooke had begun to look for some new ways to keep her occupied without leaving the house. Late one afternoon, she found herself curiously rummaging through her father’s collection of vinyl records. Most of them she remembered fondly, her father playing them softly through the house whenever he was home. Brooke chose one at random, examining the cover for a moment before turning to the track list. Born In The USA. Gently, she removes the cover and places it on the turntable. As the needle hits the vinyl, the first notes of a familiar song begin playing.

Brooke takes a seat on her father’s armchair, resting her chin in her hand. This was the album she used to dance around the house to as a kid with her dad. He’d swing her around in circles until her mother would stop them in frustration. Her father was the first one to suggest that Brooke should take dance lessons, and with extreme perseverance, her mother finally agreed. Sometimes, Brooke wished that she followed that path instead. There was always this voice in her head that told her to be realistic, get a real job, get married, have a normal life. It was so much easier to surrender. So she moved to Toronto, trained with the police and got engaged to the first man who showed interest in her. And now this fantasy world she had built for herself was crumbling.

That was the worst part of it all. This wasn’t even what Brooke wanted. All of this was a masquerade. Brooke had lured all these people into this lie. That’s what she felt the most guilty about. Nina, Luke, her parents. People who are going to be hurt in the fallout. Tears begin welling up in her eyes. Her chest is heavy and it isn’t long before Brooke is choking back sobs. She falls back into the armchair, weeping to the soft hum of her father’s music.

…

Brooke awakens, weary-eyed and hazy, instantly drawn to the sounds of movement in the room. She rubs the sleep from her eyes, slowly opening them towards her father tidying up in the corner of the room. The album had come to a halt, needle caught spinning in the deadwax.

“Springsteen huh?” He holds up the cover to Brooke, grinning. Brooke sits herself up, limbs still tired.

“I just picked whatever.”

“You know,” her father slides the album between hundreds of others on the shelf, “We used to dance to this when you were little. Your mother hated it.”

“Yeah,” Brooke’s reply is soft, “I remember.”

Outside, the world has become dark. The sun had set and the stars were high above. Her father goes back to what he was previously doing, solemn with nostalgia. Of all the people she has hurt over the years, her father had taken it the hardest. In his eyes, Brooke would always be his little girl. And yet he knows everything Brooke has done.

“Your mother-,” there’s a beat, he turns towards his daughter, “and I, we think it’s best if you see someone again. I know you won’t like the idea-“

“I’m fine, Dad,” she hoists herself up, begins to walk towards him, “I don’t need a stranger to pry inside my mind.”

There was always this uncertainty around how Brooke would react. Every since she was young, Brooke had always lashed out in unexpected ways. It was her way of controlling things, taking everything out on herself. Entirely impossible to predict. By now, her father knew to approach things with caution or else prepare for the worst. If Brooke was heading on the path of self-destruction, nothing could stop her.

“Brooke,” he rests the palms of his hands on her shoulders, “You keep drinking the day away. I hear you awake at all hours of the night. I don’t think you have eaten a single meal since you’ve been home. What if you relapse? What if it’s worse? We’re just worried.”

“I’m not going to waste my time pouring my heart out to someone, just to tell me how much of a bad person I am. I already know that I’m a terrible person.”

“Just,” he presses a kiss on her forehead in between his words, “Think about it for me. Promise me?”

“Okay, I will.”

Looming over her, Brooke has all these promises she’s destined to break. Going to therapy, bringing her problems to light, sounded like the worst scenario. For now, Brooke carries this weight with her. There’s a million things demanding her attention that she will continue to keep repressed for as long as she possibly can. She needs something to stop the noise, even if it’s just for a minute. She just needs something.

…

When Brooke first enters the doors of the bar, it was as if she never left. In the two years since she had been home, the place had not changed in the slightest way. The jukebox booms over all the other noise in the room. Eerily empty, the sparse customers all focused on the hockey game playing silently on the TV. Brooke saunters up to the bar, leaning over towards the bartender.

“A whiskey on the rocks please,” She asks politely, the bartender raising his eyebrow at the request. Brooke slides the money towards him.

“That’s not the kind of drink a pretty girl like you should be orderin’,” An older man calls from across the bar. The gathering of people around him snicker at the comment. Brooke rolls her eyes and knocks back her drink in a single gulp. She doesn’t flinch as it burns her throat.

“I’ll take another one please,” She smirks, the men on the other side of the room stop instantly. She could out-drink each and every one of them. Brooke perches herself on a stool, downing her second drink at a much slower pace. That’s something she didn’t miss about being single, the attention she would receive from men. Having a ring on her finger was enough protection. Men respected other men. They respected the concept of her husband more than they cared about the woman before her. Now she was exposed and vulnerable. A pretty unclaimed woman. The thought of it all made Brooke feel ill.

Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?  Did he go away and leave you all alone?  I got a bad desire.

Oh, oh, oh  I’m on fire.

The melody of a familiar song begins playing in the background among the blur of chatter and clamouring of glass. Brooke empties her glass and orders a replacement. She looks back behind her briefly, caught off guard by a piercing glare in her direction. A woman sitting alone in a booth with caramel hair and dark eyes. Hauntingly beautiful. The eye contact causes Brooke to recoil, turning her head back to face the bar immediately. Brooke’s almost certain she’s still staring, burning her way through her skull. A part of her wants to turn back, take a good once over of this woman.

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you?  And can he do to you the things that I do?  Oh no, I can take you higher.

Oh, oh, oh  I’m on fire.

A cacophony of drunken men erupt in song. It’s rowdy and loud, arms being thrown around shoulders in camaraderie. An average night in a small town bar. It distracts Brooke for long enough to forget about the mysterious woman behind her. Enamoured by the chaos. They sing and slosh their drinks around, whiskey and rum flooding the floor.

Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull , And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull . At night, I wake up with the sheets soakin’ wet , And a freight train runnin’ through the middle of my head.

Tapping her foot against the stool, Brooke can’t help to hum along. She envisions her father joyfully spinning her around their living room, lifting her up high towards the ceiling. They slide around on the floorboards in their socks, jump around on the sofa while her mother is away. Her eyes are closed but Brooke is beaming, immersed in the song.

 Only you can cool my desire.

Oh, oh, oh  I’m on fire.

And as the song draws to a close, Brooke is brought slowly back to reality. She’s alone and slightly tipsy in public. The outro rings through her ears. The spontaneous karaoke is replaced by conversation. The room is back how it once was. Brooke curiously glances behind her.

The booth was completely empty. The woman was no longer there.

…

After a while, she slips out the front for a cigarette. The night air caresses her exposed skin. She’s dressed quite casually, ripped jeans and a baggy shirt that slouched down her shoulder. Brooke didn’t have the commitment to dress like she used to. It cost money and her precious time to look that way. She covers her cigarette to light it, inhaling sharply, exhaling the smoke into the night.

It was a bad habit, but not her worst by any means. While the thought didn’t necessarily thrill her parents or Nina, they gathered it was much better she smoked then binged on drugs or hurt herself again. Brooke liked the routine of it all. It was a meditative experience, taking time out of her day just for herself. Nina had argued that it was making time to slowly kill yourself, but the argument was lost on Brooke. She was always going to do what she wanted, regardless of what anyone had to say. On a good day, they were enough to keep her calm. On a bad day, well, they just came in handy.

Today, Brooke wasn’t entirely sure where she was at. The hours passed painfully slow. Maybe it was just the alcohol clouding her brain, but everything had felt almost like a dream. Dampening her brain with masses of alcohol had just saturated that feeling. Brooke couldn’t stop thinking about that woman. She was utterly surreal. It could have all been part of her imagination, a hallucination. But the fierce stare had penetrated straight into Brooke’s soul. The interaction had been so abrupt, had it been literally anyone else, it would have already slipped her mind.

But it lingers, and it burns.

If Brooke was smart, she would go home and sleep it off. Wake up in the morning, perhaps a little hungover, but at least with a clear mind. Her mind is foggy, just enough for her to keep pushing. She takes the final drags of her cigarette, stubbs the remainder into the wall and she steps towards the building’s door. Except as the door swings open, Brooke’s stopped in the tracks by a sudden force. She loses her balance temporarily as the other person curses in a raspy voice.

“Hey! Watch where you’re goin’.”

“I’m so sor-“ Brooke starts, as she looks up. Caramel hair. Dark eyes. Oh fuck.

Startled, both women step back. The other woman’s mouth agape, eyes wide. Deer in the headlights. Once she regains composure, Brooke restarts her apology.

“I’m so sorry, I should watch where I’m going.”

“Uh,” the woman stammers, “Don’t worry about it. I was just leavin’.”

Hurried, she pushes past her trying to escape. Brooke reaches out, in a rare moment of intoxicated bravery, and grabs her wrist gently. Her fingertips ignite at the feathery touch.

“Wait!” Brooke’s words come out shaky in confusion, hoping, praying that somehow she can get this woman to stay. Brooke was definitely intrigued, “Let me buy you a drink to apologise.”

“I-“ The woman pulls away, stuttering through her words, “I have to go.”

Swiftly, the woman disappears into the night. Left silent and astounded, Brooke is still. Illuminated in the neon light, wind hissing in her ear.

Brooke is on fire.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #angst #lesbian au #slow burn #in retrograde #ephemerals #submission #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo

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krugerevengeinej · 6 years ago

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When the Water Begins to Recede Ch. 4 - Feathers

Synopsis | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took me so long to get up I’ve been a bi preoccupied with school. It is another Kaz chapter but I’m not really going to be alternating any specific way, though you can expect the next chapter to be from Inej’s pov. Anyways I hope you like it ad let me know what you think as always!

Desc: Kaz has underestimated the difficulty of navigating the troubled waters of Ketterdam since Pekka’s departure and things are just now beginning to pick up. Inej is stuck in the city for a while while she works to track down the ship that wrecked her crew and she and Kaz finally get a few quiet moments together.

Song inspo: Me and My friends Are Lonely - Matt Maeson, Drop The Game - Flume & Chet Faker

————————————————————

Kaz was frustrated. He might have been a million other things considering the gruesome state Roeder had been returned in, even worse was that the boy was still alive. A pulse beat at his throat, and his chest still rose and fell with every weak breath. The Dime Lions—that was clearly who it had been, hence the dimes in the eyes, leaving him alive, even clinging to death’s door in this state had been a shock.

It wasn’t like Kaz hadn’t seem similar things before. Members of gangs had been kidnapped and tortured and thrown back to their masters with tongues and other limbs removed, likely to keep them from telling what had happened. They rarely survived long enough to put a pen to paper if they kept their hands either. Yet the only thing Roeder had been missing was his eyes, his dignity, and a few teeth from a brutal beating he’d received.

It had still been useless to try and ask him anything because within a few minutes his weak pulse had begun to fade. Someone might have shouted for a medik, but there were none nearby good enough to keep him breathing. Zenik would have been particularly useful in this kind of situation and wished he could call upon the heartrender, but she wasn’t even in Kerch anymore.

Kaz wasn’t even sure who would mourn for the boy besides a few fellow Dregs. If even that. He hadn’t been the most sociable type, after all that would have been a poor quality for a spy. People who liked to talk were always more inclined to spill secrets no matter how hard they tried to resist the temptation.

Kaz cared in his own strange way. Roeder had just been starting out as his spider and while he couldn’t compare to the Wraith, he was doing well at it. Kaz was glad he hadn’t been working long enough to get any vital information, now that anything he gathered was surely turned over to the remnants of the Dime Lions.

Kaz had been considering sending him to spy around Vellgeluk and see what he could pick up about the brothel owners that frequented the island and its auctions. Examining the boy’s body as it had begun to grow cold, Kaz silently thanked any gods that might be listening he hadn’t sent Roeder on that job.

A few boys had carried the body away, all with solemn faces, more for the foreboding of message they’d been sent than the death itself. Death was common in the barrel, people were shot, stabbed, mugged, raped and beaten to death on the daily. Those who had been here the longest grew accustomed to the most gruesome things that life had to offer, driven by lust, greed, anger and just general cruelty, humans did horrendous things.

But this, symbolic, garish and brutal, was the real beginning of a gang war. It was something that had been inevitable since the second Kaz gotten Pekka Rollins down on his knees, begging for his son’s safety. And he knew that but anticipating something was so vastly different than being prepared for it. Months, it had been, and he still felt stuck in the middle of something, out of his depth and often found himself lacking something he couldn’t identify.

He’d been in this city long enough to have survived gang wars, and there was always ugly aftermath for everyone, from common street rats to the biggest bosses, even merchers who made deals with the wrong men. But even those were small-scale. This was full-blown regicide, people were fighting for the crown of an heirless King, and he was one of them.

Survival itself would have been difficult for him in this situation not long ago, but now it wasn’t enough for him to just survive. He had to thrive, he had to triumph because this was his legacy. He’d promised Jordie revenge by ruining Pekka Rollins and now he needed the satisfaction of taking the throne he’d left behind, of getting control of his city. That had been his goal for so long, and he was agonizingly close yet oceans away.

But the city itself wasn’t the hardest part. A new promise was, interfering with the one he’d made to his brothe. It was the one he’d made to Inej. His gang needed him but so did she, and as much as he hated it, he needed her too. Having his spider would be a great assistance for him right now, but she had her own promises. He didn’t know exactly what they were or who they were to, but she had every right to honor them.

She was in the city again for now, and maybe she could help him. He knew she worried for the gang, it hadn’t been long ago when she worked alongside them, and a few had even been her friends. But she’d still be busy working against Tante Heleen and trying to find leads on the slave ship that had decimated her crew. He would be assisting her of course, and despite the extra work, he was still grateful for it. The stressed, tired and frustrated part of him seemed to lighten at the sight of her, as if some invisible weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She was here, she would be here if he needed her. Even if it was only temporary.

But that was just it, it was temporary, and the thought frustrated him a bit more. She may be back for the time being, but she would leave again. She will leave again, he reminded himself. He didn’t want to think about it, but he couldn’t forget. It would be too easy to slip into a rhythm of routine, start to grow dependent on her, and find himself lost when she left.

He still wanted to at least try and show her he cared before she did.

It was nearly ten bells when they’d finished planning for tomorrow’s excursion. Inej would be spying near the White Rose to see what she could learn about slaver ships coming into Vellgeluk, and any other boats headed that way she could hitch a ride on because taking her own ship might not be the most inconspicuous method of travel. Random ships didn’t simply come and go from the island. If you went there, you went with purpose and somebody knew who you were.

Kaz would be providing her with backup in case something went wrong. Of course, covering up the real purpose of the job, insisting it had something to do with exclusive new investment opportunities. But he would be staying behind in the city and trying to figure out how the hell to find a new spider. Not that he would be telling Inej. He needed someone to figure out where the Dime Lion’s den was because none of their old businesses were still running and it wasn’t any other property he was aware they owned.

But it was time to take a break from work.

Now, Inej followed him up the Slat’s rickety steps to the attic. Neither of them had any real reason to be up there, in fact it had been emptied of everything apart from Kaz’s sparse belongings and his bed. Even the makeshift desk had been disassembled, its pieces moved elsewhere. But it was strangely comforting to be up there with her again, and an excellent opportunity for some alone time. It seemed like such a long time since they’d had any where they didn’t have to fear sudden interruptions from his gang.

They were exhausted and fatigued, but at least here it was secluded and mostly quiet, though the rustle of the barrel never ceased. The largest portion of the attic was completely empty, and the door to his small bedroom was left open.

“It’s odd,” Inej mused, offering no explanation.

“What is?” Kaz asked. The two of them hung their coats up and stood in the center of the room. It had always seemed so small when it was cluttered but compared to most rooms at the slat it was fairly large.

“It’s so early, and somehow we’ve got free time,” she explained. It was true, usually they’d still be out on some job or assignment. It made Kaz feel a bit old. He’d been doing so much more mundane office work lately he was actually looking forward to something exciting. But at least right now he was with Inej.

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked.

“Just odd,” she said, walking closer to the window and dragging a finger through the dust that had settled on the windowsill. “Have you fed the crows for me?”

“I don’t make friends with crows, Wraith,” he said mockingly. She narrowed he eyes at the use of that nickname, but a slight smile lit up her face.

“If I didn’t make friends with crows, I wouldn’t be friends with you.” She offered, wiping away the remaining dust and settling herself beside the window. It was wonderful to be having such light hearted, nonchalant conversations with her again.

“Maybe more than friends?” he asked casually. Then added, “and are you insinuating I’m a bird? Last time I checked I didn’t have feathers, and I certainly don’t lay eggs.”

“You steal my fried potatoes and hold a grudge like no one I’ve ever met,” she opened the window, pulled a crumbled biscuit from her pocket and began tossing pieces to the crows. “And yes, more than friends,” she conceded.

Kaz laughed softly and found himself staring dumbly at her for a moment. But a raised brow from her was enough to get him back to his senses, and he set about removing his vest and shirt. He slipped into his tiny bedroom and dipped a cloth in the washbasin by his bed.

He was half facing her as he ran the wet cloth over his skin, shivering a bit at the frigid temperature of the water. Inej’s focus was on him and he knew. She always tried to be subtle, watching from the corner of her eye but he could tell. She’d always done it and it had been tempting to call her out on it on it if only to see her furrow her brows in frustration, blushing despite herself.

A bit of recklessness overcame him, and he asked, “if you’re going to look you may as well check me for feathers.” And there it was, the slightest bit of scarlet tinged her cheeks.

“If I invited you into my chambers and began to undress with my door open, I’m sure you wouldn’t watch,” she said.

“Is that a proposition?” he asked, “and you’re absolutely right. I’m a gentleman.”

“I think I do see a feather, you must sprout them when you lie,” she accused, hopping off the window sill.

With a slight smirk he pulled on a clean shirt and a gray waistcoat. He moved to the door, but Inej walked into his room before he could. He considered saying something else snarky but decided against it, sitting on the edge of the bed. The door clicked shut behind her and she strode to the bed, setting herself down beside him, not quite close enough to touch.

So simple it was just to sit there, in the quiet and dim little room. But he new it wasn’t good enough. Cautiously, his hand slipped into hers and he clung to that little bit of contact, trying to prepare himself for more, assuring himself he was ready. Though, maybe he wasn’t, but he was certainly ready to make an attempt.

Tag List: @whydoineedtowriteanamehere @celestial-melodyy @literary-nerd @otherworldsivelivedin @hysteriaas @august-cabin7 @wylansflute @ashleyking03 @thequeenofeveything @the-regal-warrior @sassydefendorflower @jxsperfahey @the-jennster @lonep55 @lupineteddy @gutsgaskarth @city-of-fae @thewoofster @peach-sm

Thanks for reading! :)

#six of crows #kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #soc #fanfic #certified by the dork

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oberlinexecutivefunctioning-blog · 6 years ago

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What is Downshifting?

TLDR; You are allowed not to work at 100% capacity all the time. Make sure to figure out what recovery and emergency states mean for you and your executive functioning. (Reach out to an EF tutor if you need help!)

The basic premise of downshifting follows pretty closely to its name. When you want to go faster, you shift your car into a higher gear; when you want to go slower or especially if you fear slipping on ice or snow, you shift into a lower gear. Organizing your life can work in a similar way. When you feel confident and stable, you can live your life in high gear, but when you feel yourself wobbling, it’s time to shift into a lower gear for your own safety.

Downshifting different for everyone, but usually the concepts centers around understanding your limits. If I didn’t have depression and anxiety and gender dysphoria at my heels, I would always be a morning person who reads lots of books and goes out with my friends on a Saturday night. So, when I have my depression, anxiety, and gender dysphoria pretty under control with the help of chemicals, therapists, and an amazing support system I have grown over the years, I live like that guy. I wake up at 7am every morning and meditate for 30 minutes before having a large breakfast of yogurt, granola, and fresh berries. And I love it.

But I’m not always going to be able to be that guy. I’ve struggled with this a lot as I think anyone with a chronic illness has. I used to beat myself up about ruining my own happiness and how I “always do this.” The various commitments I had made before my inevitable spiral – birthday parties, work hours, meetings – became reasons that I was a terrible friend, employee, person. I had no way to handle the always-unexpected dissolution of my perfect, stable happiness.

Now-a-days if I notice I am feeling low or if I recognize a trigger or if an upsetting family matter suddenly becomes my whole brain-space, I simply downshift.

Level 3 (Ideal): Wake up at 7am. Meditate for 30 minutes every morning. Wholesome breakfast. Read the paper. Attend every class. Gym 4 times a week. Ask someone to go to lunch with you at least once a week. Have all readings and assignments completed before the class they’re due. Go to bed at 10:30pm. You are killing it.

Level 2 (Recovery): Wake up at 9am. Meditate at least every other day, probably before bed. Chunk homework and assignments into small tasks. Ask a friend to sit with you while you work. Explain to someone that you’re having a rough time. Gym at least 2 times a week. Attend what classes you can. Email the professors of the classes you miss. Get someone’s notes for those classes. Call your mom. Get to sleep before 1am. You are making progress.

Level 1 (Emergency): Wake up when you can. Email your professors that you are sick and will likely miss class this week. Reach out to someone on your support system to explain what’s going on. Ask a friend to sit with you while you watch TV. Go to walk-in hours at the Counseling Center. Call your sister. Make a list of the tasks that are due/coming up and circle anything that you think you can do this week. Be honest. Ask for an extension on the rest. Let go of non-essential readings. Shower at least 4 times a week. Clean your space. Get to sleep when you can. You will get through this.

What I gain by defining the different levels I can live in is a sense of control in the chaos. This system means that even in my darkest hours, I still have a structure that makes me feel grounded. And suddenly, my rules don’t suddenly disappear but simply adjust for what I need at that moment. I see my limits, and I move with them. It isn’t a matter of failure; it’s a matter of resilience. Bad stuff happens and good weeks get ruined, but you can get through it because you have a plan that prioritizes what you need.

There are two key parts of implementing downshifting for yourself. It’s not the system for everyone but I have found it to be very helpful for myself and recommend it to anyone dealing with a chronic illness especially.

The first thing you need to do is figure out what these levels look like to you. No one has the same goals and no one has the same inclinations. My sister, for example, would never choose to get up early in the morning no matter what her emotional state was. I have a friend who goes to the gym more when he needs recovery, not less, because he finds it soothing and energizing. The most important part of implementing any structure to your life is to understand what you need. This is the longest, hardest, most crucial aspect of wellness and self-organization.

Don’t worry if you don’t know right now what exactly works for you, either. You can start by estimating roughly what might help you, what you might need, based on reflections on past experiences. Then, gradually, you can start ruling out what doesn’t work for your and trying new ways to be. The important part is to get started because you will never know what will help you until you first try to help yourself. You are in progress and that is okay. So is everyone else! Even if you have been a long-time wellness junkie like me, you will still learn new things about yourself along the way and your rules and your structures will change. That is totally normal and good.

The second thing you need to do to learn how to downshift is almost as slippery as the first, but again, it gets easier with practice. You need to learn how to gauge your emotional state. Some people are already great at this. Myself, I tried a lot of different techniques to get this one right. One way to determine how you are feeling that many people swear by is the simple method of rating yourself on a mood chart. Angry, sad, meh, content, happy, etc. Lots of people love to track their moods on paper or in an app by assigning each emotion a color and giving a color to each day, which is really great! Unfortunately, this does not work for me. My emotions are so messy all the time that choosing just one for each day always feels wrong, and anyway I am just not good at daily tracking tasks. Instead, I use my internal map of Oberlin as my check-in (I know it’s kinda weird, but it works okay?) I have identified several places across campus that I know I am likely to pass at least one of in a day and I have made those check-in spots. Passing by the Rat, walking up the ramp to Mudd. These are triggers for my brain to ask me about my emotional state. Here’s how it usually goes:

Evan. You’re walking up to Mudd. Probably here to study, huh? How do you feel about that? Are you scared you won’t finish your work on time? Have you made yourself small enough tasks? Remember to go to the bathroom before you sit down somewhere and get all your stuff out because you know how annoying it is to pack everything up just to bring with you into the bathroom because you are nervous about thieves. Fill your water bottle, too. Do you have a snack?

Evan. You’re walking past the Rat. Are you on the way to Decafe? Have you eaten today? When have you last eaten? Was it enough? There’s a good water fountain coming up so make sure to refill your water bottle if it’s low. Do you feel dizzy? Tired? Think about whether you need a break soon because you don’t want to burn out. Have you called your mom?

These moments along with my meditation practice, therapy, and speaking to friends and family are how I know whether it’s time to upshift or downshift. I always make sure that I have different and varied methods of evaluating my status because none of these are rules. I have a hard time making “How are you doing?” into a task. Asking myself how I’m doing is a habit, and it’s a good one. Any wellness system should have built-in reflection strategies because looking at your progress and your current well-being is a huge part of keeping yourself well.

By now, you might be thinking that downshifting seems like a lot of work. The reason for this is that downshifting is sort of Life Organizing 301. Before downshifting comes 1. Prioritization, 2. Goal-making, 3. Reflection and Evaluation, 4. Daily and Weekly Scheduling, and 5. Self-Care. There are each big skills in their own right and worth investigating on their own. If you feel like you might need to do some work on any of these topics before you even think about downshifting, that’s okay! You can still come away with the key ideas of downshifting which are

1. Sometimes you have to take a break from your rules, but you don’t have to throw them away entirely. If you find yourself needing a break, you have not failed.

2. Recovery is a state of being that all of us fall into sometimes and is totally normal. You are allowed to be in recovery or in emergency for any reason. You are valid. You can get through it.

3. Even if you don’t live the way you want to every day, you can still live the way you want to some days or half the days or even most of the days. Nothing in your life has to be absolute.

If you do think you might want to try downshifting, that’s great! Make sure to grab a trusted friend or family member to help keep you accountable, especially as you adjust to a new system. Let that person know what the rules are for each of your levels and contact them when you feel like you should downshift or upshift. Having this anchor will help you stay aware of your progress and committed to letting yourself be wherever you need to be. You can do it!

#executive functioning #evan post #resources

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tootigerengineer · 3 years ago

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Reflection-Selena & Saejin

Selena Zhang

I like this project where we change the partner from our usual partner. I love how we use each other strengths to create this project and learn from each other. From different partners, there will be different working styles and it is interesting that we need to understand each other. Sejin’s main role is designing because she is excellent at it and I do the main research. I would say that this second semester of 2021, is my first time working entirely at home and having online in class. This feels kinda weird and wild at the same time. Having to work at home can save my travel time, however, you can also lose the interaction at home. If next there is a lockdown, I think I would plan productively rather than staying in my house the whole time. This project is interesting as there are so many different types of researches, in Kei’s class we use action design and other methodologies (I chose participatory design). On the other hand, in G’s class, we use the Double Diamond framework and we chose Human- center design. In the end, I would say that all of them are similar, however, I like the Double Diamond diagram. I like the style of the visual diagram, I understood it quickly- the progress, illustration and how different it is from other diagrams. One of the questions, when I wonder, is how did research generate? I would say that research is a crazy concept where I think it would take years to experience and write about research. I mean I would have to thank the people who invented the researches, otherwise, it wouldn’t be that easy for us if we don’t have steps to follow. I like the Non-profit Organization we chose, Barnardos, it is a privilege to make a better interaction experience with them. Taking a new perspective from parents is something I have always wondered about and never would have thought I would be doing this in this project: how they take care of babies/children, what help they can have if they are having trouble. Now learning from Barnardos, I know for sure that there are so many responsibilities for being a parent and it is not their fault if they can’t handle it sometimes. So taking this perspective into the design, you need to design something that is affection, something that is organized so that the parent knows where to click and would understand something immediately when they see the specific category. Basically, they find something they want and need fast. It sounds simple however it is a complex process: hmw, color schemes, prototype, research, ideation, design iteration and find insight. The key difficult thing is getting the insight of parents since it is lockdown, so we find a way to interview our own parents and also watch YouTube of parents’ advice, perspective, or people who are interested in having a child. Even though this is a different method from interaction, I would use these resources in the future of my research of watching a video that is related to my project. In the video, there are a lot of people from different countries, cultures which will take me to the various points and those the people who are willing to share their sight. So I would definitely use video as my resource for my search. I know I can do better next time, however, I still have to say that I am proud of myself, my teammate, teacher to make it through this semester of lockdown. To do better next time, I would say that I want to manage my time management more, for example, I would make the PowerPoint ready.

Saejin Park

This project was quite challenging to me because this was new learning about what real designers do. We learnt the Diamond diagram, User-centred design, and Grid system.

The hardest part was the grid system. We were not used to considering the grids and layouts for each device, but those studies we researched were helpful to guide us to the right track. Especially, sizing the desktop to mobile and mobile to desktop was not easy. We had to keep editing and making another plan for the correct size for each device. But we know that it is necessary to do it on a piece of design work, and our design looked so much better after using those systems. It took so long time for us to design, but it was worth it, and we enjoyed the process.

Another challenging part was organising the contents of the original website. This also took so long time to manage. Because the website we chose had over 100 contents, it was tough to sum up, and reorder the categories. But since we had to keep looking at the original website to develop and find problems, we got sued and remembered what they had and where. This process made me learn deep understanding and observation. One of my weaknesses in design is observation. But from this activity, I feel confident to try the next new one because now I know how to manage it fast and more effortlessly.

One of the best things about this project is working as a team with my partner. I used to think that I was not good at teamwork, and I felt that I might not manage the project as a team, but I was wrong. I can work better than myself with my partner, and I have become more confident to engage with the project with other members. We shared our strengths and weakness before we started working on the project, it was helpful for both of us to handle this paper, and we could help each other's work and keep sharing where we are about at.

This paper taught me important things to know to be a good designer. I am pretty sure that this would be the first experience before we design an actual product, and this was a constructive and essential step to becoming a UX/UI designer in the future.

My team, we both are satisfied and confident about what we have done and our designs. It was pretty challenging, but it was that worth as much as hard it was to me. We are both happy about the process and the final results. We tried our best and hope this experience will be helpful to go to the next stage.

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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April Study Plan Updates

noticing myself falling into that rabbit hole of ‘studying too many languages, gonna neglect progress in all!’

or the similar ‘using too many resources, gonna neglect making progress in any!’

ToT

suddenly felt like refreshing my french (which future me, that study plan would be: french comprhensible input youtube videos and shadowing, reading Le Francais Par Le Method Nature and finishing it, then optionally finishing some french books). but realistically i do NOT have time right now. improving that would be a “do i need it” and then do all that for a few months straight.

---

Chinese is mostly on track but I’m really whittling down what I’m doing because it’s become sort of chaotic:

Chinese study plan:

1. Read anything (priority is ONLY hanshe on Pleco app, or Guardian print novel - I do not have time for anything else. My goal right now is to be at hanshe chapter 80 by the end of the month, and to get to the end of the Sundial arc in guardian because that’s how much I’ve read of the english translation so far) 2. Listen to Chinese Spoonfed Audio, shadowing when I can (I am over 1/3 through I CAN finish it, I’m putting Listening Reading off until later because that is so time intensive I need to finish at LEAST one thing I’m reading before I can carve out time. This is ultimately lower priority, but I do NOT want to see myself start from scratch again on this, and do not want to L-R method or listen to other audio until I’ve went through this).

Anything else is OPTIONAL rn I do not have time. The 2 optional activities I’m prioritizing:

a. Watching Two Souls in One, shadowing when desired (although any show would be fine but it would be nice to Not abandon a show lol) b. go through my hanzi characters book, SPECIFICALLY practice writing and make mnemonics to remember the TONES. saying the hanzi pronunciation out loud when i write. (While this is optional I would like to do it for several hundred freaking common hanzi because like... firstly, I’m studying japanese again and Definitively knowing the hanzi pronunciation and tone and comparing it would allow me to review/test that better as i see the japanese readings - and help me keep them firmly separate as HANZI WITH SOLIDLY AUDIBLE TONE versus japanese readings. Because right now a LOT of hanzi i ‘partly’ know i know the initial-final-meaning of and can recognize in reading and tend to just sub-vocalize when i read with no-tone or a tentative guess, and all those ‘partly known’ i really do not want to get mixed up with japanese. Thankfully it is pretty hard to confuse shou3 and te 手, or zu2 and ashi 足, because the japanese words sound pretty firmly japanese pronunciations and those hanzi are pretty hard imprinted in my head with their pronunciation in chinese already. But that may not always be the case! And my writing in chinese is like 0% skills and I think writing would help them them stick in my head when it comes to a lot of the ‘partly’ learned once I have more vague recognition of. Also again just... I know mnemonics have worked for me to remember tones but then I just stopped doing it when I went reading heavy. And knowing hanzi but not their tone is a huge weak spot, so sitting down and forcing myself to write it out will help it stick. I imagine this will be a longer term project of a few months, but it only takes like 5-10 free minutes in a day to do several so I should try when I feel like it.

---

Japanese goals:

1. continue through nukemarine’s memrise courses. No excuses mejo if you feel you need to ‘prepare’ then just continue the vocab courses instead of the grammar. 2. continue reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide (when you can focus - I would ideally like to see myself finish the first 2 sections since I’m almost done with section 1).

Optional:

a. listen to some lets plays (I just looked up a bunch of persona lps -3-)/

*I really do not need to do optional anything rn. I want to read - I need more freaking vocabulary! (Parasite Eve, the Galaxy Train, those are down the road when reading is something less intensive). I already KNOW at the end of the month when Nier Replicant comes my ass will be playing that game in english and japanese. I already know right after that my psp’s coming and my ass will be playing crisis core. I will get some ‘immersion’/practice in soon. But I’d really like to just... grind through the nukemarine courses as MUCH as possible while I still have the very rare ability to do flashcards fast. (I go through periods where I can do 100-300 flashcards a day, and then suddenly it takes me 1 hour to do 5-10 cards and i give up again). Last time I studied japanese (for 2.5 years ;-;) I did NOT make it this far through the nukemarine courses. Poor past mejo really dove in fucking blind into japanese games with like 500 words maybe from genki and maybe 200 from nukemarine’s courses and just TRIED. Wild. I’m not doing anything that hard again lol. Present mejo would like to get at MINIMUM 1000 words in before I try that again this time around. I’m about 300 through the 1000 first words (and 300 through the grammar deck which has some extra words, and through 500 kanji but tbh kanji meanings are much less horrific now that i know some chinese to help me remember and associate). So I’ve got like... until the end of April to study 700 more! If I keep doing 40-200 a day that should be doable.

I just know myself and the instant this ability to flashcard focus leaves I will not go back to it for months, and also the instant I get back into playing video games a Lot in japanese I will abandon any other structured study... at least for a while. Last time I did it for like 4 months, it was pretty hard, and then I just kinda just stopped studying. Phenomenal. I’m hoping if i know a BIT more words I’ll be less likely to just abandon things. We’ll see.

LATER (end of month?)

b. play some games ovo)/

**Longer term, I’ve been desperately getting the urge to read through my Japanese Sentence Patterns book, my Japanese in 30 Hours book. Also to go through the Japanese Audio Lessons. HOWEVER. I think a few things need to happen first. First, I need to finish at least maybe 7-8 of nukemarine’s courses - I do not want to be doing them AND a textbook/another course, I would like to do them one at a time. Second, I need to finish reading Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide - that is why I want to get done all the nukemarine courses that coincide with it, and read through it that far, at least. I cannot read 2 textbooks at once, I WILL abandon one and probably finish neither. Third, I need to finish Chinese Spoonfed Audio - I know myself and I absolutely can’t focus on multiple audio prioritized activities in a study plan. I can’t listen to the DeFrancis audio and get Through it, I can’t do the Japanese Audio Lessons. In fact Japanese Audio Lessons I might ‘only’ do because it would slip in as a nice replacement activity when I finish Chinese Spoonfed Audio. An audio I can listen to while walking/working out/chilling.

---

KEY overall goals:

Chinese: I want to finish a novel (Guardian hi baby), which has been the goal since day 1.

After that: I want to work on audio comprehension (so Listening-Reading), shadowing (can do it in l-r or with any audio), and SOLIDLY knowing the hanzi I partially know (so probably continue through my hanzi books - I should consider using my Alan Hoenig book again tbh).

Japanese: I want to finish 7-8 nukemarine courses, and try playing video games again.

After that: playing video games, looking up words, having fun! (And MUCH later, when there’s time - read the textbooks I have. Then even Later... try diving into reading whenever I feel ready to do that...or whenever the mood randomly strikes).

**The bolded goals I plan to actually do this April-May (guardian I may only finish section 1 but hey its a solid portion). “After that” goals are my next concrete things I want to do.

just personal goal notes below

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Personal goals:

1. Workout everyday (actually 5-6 days a week cause I think breaks can be good, but I’m aiming for every so when I inevitably skip one that’s the break day lol). 50 crunches, 70 pushups, at least 15 minutes cardio. I’ve been sticking to it pretty well! Hardest part is just... I hate being sweaty a lot -.- Also I’m fairly sure eventually I am going to need to add more specific time for bodyweight workouts (probably 20 minutes minimum) if I want to get any results similar at all to back when I went to the gym (which was like 12 minutes HIIT then 8 minutes cool down cardio like walking, 10 minutes warm up with pushups/crunches and stretches, 30ish minutes just weight machines, some cooldown stretches and/or walking). I want to do a few specific muscle workouts but like god baby steps, i need to consistently just work out at the MINIMUM before i add stuff because i will absolutely quit if it gets complicated or time consuming. ‘any cardio’ is very flexible so i will actually do it. (also hopefully that means when i switch To a specific thing like ‘do this for a week or 2′ because i’m consistent with working out so i can move into consistent in ONE specific workout, i will be able to stick to it).

2. Eat low carb, low sodium (apparently -.- ). Try to get my bloating to stop getting so bad constantly, try to make my stomach stop hurting for a consistent amount of time. I would like to get it feeling good for a week or 2 straight before I eat something that hurts it again (and next time I hurt it I have got to do a one-off thing then be nice to it again :c ). I got too cocky last time. I know I hate how boring it all tastes i know but i need to just do it long enough for it to help.

#april #april progress #april study plan #study plan #basically while i WANT to use a lot of my resources. i really need to limit myself and keep to a strict plan #as usual i need to PROGRESS THROUGH AND FINISH A MATERIAL #BEFORE GOING TO THE NEXT #i can only jump around with shows/reading!#and tbh even my reading i specifically want to FINISH the books so no more skipping around ;-;#and even tho my french got !!! again #realistically i have no reason to work on it rn #a friend informed me... my ass should apply for CERN and UN when covid is over #and god it reminded me how ive DREAMED of that for years and YES i sure would need french for that #but even IF thats true im not gonna need to fix the issues w my french until like fall/winter #until at LEAST july.

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larathia · 7 years ago

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Lotor’s Plotting

Before we begin, just look at the title again please. This post covers only what we can observe as having been said or done up through Season Five. Lotor plays his cards fairly close to his chest, so on the whole I'm going to be focusing on what he does, and where his words back up/reinforce his actions.

That is to say - I absolutely think Lotor is a lying liar that lies. But I also know that the best lies, the hardest lies to unravel, have elements of truth to them. So I give Lotor's words weight where his actions back them up, regardless of how he himself presents those words.

We do not know the whole of Lotor's plan, as of S5. We do not know why he's doing what he's doing, or whether he is in any way correct in his beliefs regarding the outcome of his actions.

But we can, with I feel reasonable levels of certainty, say that:

His goals are not as he has presented them to the Voltron Paladins, and

The Paladins are honestly not too likely to be thrilled about it when they find that out.

P.S. If you ship Lotor/Allura, you should probably stop right now, and go read something else, because my views on what Lotor's doing with Allura are neither romantic nor flattering.

Unraveling Lotor's Plotting: Stage One (Method and Means)

Lotor's opening scene in S3 is, I feel, a case of Lotor presenting the truth in a way that he knows damn well few people will believe until much, much later.

In the gladiatorial arena scene, we see several of Zarkon's generals cheering on the fights, and generally plotting. We learn that Lotor's not highly regarded, and that among the highest ranking Galra, bloodlines are hugely important. To be a 'half breed' is a bad thing, disqualifying in and of itself, an indication of unfitness for any kind of rank or command. We see the generals forming factions and plotting for control, and we see this being treated as, if not normal, then at least expected.

And into this comes Lotor, disguised as a gladiator. He humiliates a general before the crowd, and declares that the real path forward is by discarding this apparently long-held racist philosophy and by encouraging the loyalty of those lower in the heirarchy, rather than commanding it or forcing it.

Later, Lotor will discount these words before his generals. And while he has little reason to lie to them, I think he is in fact lying. This was Lotor at his most truthful and honest, and from what we see of him, the only way he can defend himself is by making sure nobody really pays attention when the truth is spoken. The reality is, this is very much the core of Lotor's approach - not just to the worlds of the Empire but to other people he deals with. Lotor is much more interested in making his allies loyal to him than he is in forcing their cooperation.

On the face of it, especially if you're used to/expecting Zarkon, Lotor's methods may seem like a breath of fresh air. I feel the reality is simply that Lotor has internalized Imperial race issues but flipped them on their head; he's as ruthless as any galra, but employing altean means to achieve his ends. (Start thinking about what would have happened if Lotor had met the alt-universe Alteans. Would he have seen anything wrong with their means or methods, or would he have proposed an alliance?)

Now, in S3, what we mainly know is that Lotor knows going in that this bout on the throne is going to be temporary, and that his father will very probably boot him back to the hinterlands once he's feeling better. So what we see in S3 is Lotor avoiding using the power of the throne, but rather continuing a plan he's apparently had for a long, long time and mainly using his new status to make sure he can get the trickier parts done without getting caught. He's very clear that he doesn't want Haggar or Zarkon aware of what he's doing. That means no record, no official orders.

What we should take away from this is that any time something comes up later that was clearly Not Usual - some ship that's not where it should be, some cargo that doesn't seem properly documented - Lotor should at least be considered a viable suspect in the "who's behind it" box. Haggar's stuff tends to just be classified. Zarkon's will be bureaucratically documented to official hell and back. Lotor's stuff will be off the books, and possibly a little out of the ordinary.

Stage Two: Testing the Waters, Gathering Materials

What Lotor does with his power in S3 is test the waters, and see if he can get some of his trickier materials without setting off any alarms. To this end, his first big thing is 'test the Paladins'. A lot of fans will be focusing on the shakeup the Paladins have suffered at this point in time; this is where Keith is backed into the Black Lion, Lance is getting the hang of Red, and Allura is learning lions from scratch in Blue. That isn't where Lotor wants the Paladins to be, and he even says so. (I count this as true as it's backed up by his actions, as you'll see.) He uses his generals to draw the lions out, making sure firstly that there are still five in action, and then goading them to form Voltron. Voltron is what Lotor wants.

Why does he want it? Because he wants something that's at least like it. He knows where there's a rift, with a trans-reality comet, and that he can't get it himself. It's Lotor that sets the fake Altean distress beacon that draws the Paladins to the rift where they meet Sven and the alt-Alteans. (He does admit as much in S5.) Lotor wants that comet, and as far as he knows only Voltron can get it for him. Which, ultimately, is exactly what happens, and Lotor makes off with it.

***** The Paladins weren't meant to know he was also after the teludav. He'd set that plan up almost the moment he took the throne, making sure he could steal the thing and that no credible report would exist blaming him for its loss. I'm going to admit that I don't know why he wanted the teludav, but given his attitude to All Things Altean in S5, I'm going to guess he wanted to study it, and see if he could figure out how to use it or make something like it, since the castleship's wormholing ability is a huge tactical asset and only Allura can make wormholes with a teludav.

What's worth noting in Stage Two is that we see he's serious about his approach as stated in the gladiatorial arena. Lotor isn't always out to make friends, but he takes steps to avoid making enemies he doesn't have to make. He does taunt and harry the paladins, but he never takes it farther than he needs to for the goal at hand. He doesn't gloat, he doesn't build himself up by knocking others down. And what's most clear as of S3 is that he is not your typical Galran general.

Stage Three: Get What You Can, While You Can

In S4 ...let's face it, we're all probably busy or at least distracted with Keith leaving the paladins and Shiro being strange and Pidge going off to find her brother. But Lotor's not twiddling his thumbs here, and S4 starts what S5 continues - Lotor is up to something and so far Keith's the only one to have seen even parts of it.

In S4, right out of the gate, we see the Blades discover a new, ultra-powerful form of quintessence. It's not at some shiny new well-developed facility, either, but somewhere well off the beaten track. The Blades manage to map out part of the supply route, but not all of it, and we find out pretty damn quick that whoever's running this show is watching and is paranoid, setting out a decoy ship full of explosives just to discourage further investigation.

S4E1, the Blades still think Lotor's somewhere behind this, and Keith tries to tell Shiro as much, but we aren't told why they think that - just that they do.

S5E5, we find out that one of those ships, probably fairly early on, entered Warlord Ranveig's territory, was intercepted, and Ranveig used the ultra-powerful quintessence to conduct experiments. So...it may well have been intel sent by Krolia that put the Blades on the trail of this new quintessence. What we learned in S5 is that this stuff isn't just rocket fuel; it has powerful and unpredictable effects on living beings. This shit ain't biodiesel. It's dangerous. And whoever's running the supply lines for it noticed a shipment going missing; Ranveig only ever got the one vessel. The supply line was rerouted afterward.

What we see Lotor doing in S4 is building his Sincline ships, and dealing with Haggar's attempts to spy on him. He doesn't get his full set of three, but only two of three. And Haggar, and Zarkon, being the paranoid people they are, immediately see "trans reality comet ships" and think "threat to the empire". It's possible they're right to think so, but it's also entirely possible that Lotor's plans for the Sincline ships are only a small part of his overall scheme.

We do, however, get confirmation that it is Lotor behind the ultra powerful quintessence - because he's the ONLY person we see who not only knows the shit exists, but making use of it. It's loaded into the Sincline ships, and used to infuse those ships for travel between realities.

Sadly for him, he just goes from Point A to Point Z. There's no 'layer of pure unlimited quintessence' for him to harvest. (I'd love to know why he thought there would be, I think it would reveal a lot.) And his generals betray him, which puts him on the run for the rest of the season, until he can intervene at a dramatic moment to save the Paladins, and thus buy enough goodwill for a chat.

Stage Four: Quintessential Quintessence

Season Five is...not about Lotor having a redemption arc. It really isn't. Lotor is absolutely continuing his plans, that he's had from the getgo, but using the Paladins instead of his own generals. Part of that is necessity (since his generals betrayed him) and part of it is simply new information. He's actually traveled between realities now, he's tested his Sincline ships. His initial plan for 'unlimited quintessence' is a bust.

He very clearly hasn't given up on the idea though, because he sells that exact idea to the paladins as his path to universal peace. Give the Galra unlimited quintessence, and there's no more reason (he says) for them to go rampaging and conquering and draining planets of life. And the paladins are, at least for now, mostly buying that theory.

I would like to point out at this stage that we see a LOT of Galra generals in S4 and S5. Not fricking one of them even mentions quintessence, or harvesting quintessence. Not. One. They're in this for power. Not just 'fuel' type power, but power-over-others, power to enslave, power to conquer. There is, based on what we've seen of the Galra High Command, no path that does not at some point involve taking out at least 90 percent of the current Imperial leadership. They're corrupt, power-mad, and frankly sadistic even among themselves. Lotor. Is. Lying. It's a lie the paladins would very much like to believe (and no wonder!) but it is a lie. Whatever Lotor wants that quintessence for, it is _not_about bringing peace.

Lotor is clearly capable of creating ultra-pure quintessence. We see his supply lines, and his use of it, in S4. But his stores of it are provably hugely limited. And for whatever reason, he is flat out driven to acquire a lot more of it.

Season Five is Lotor trying to maneuver Allura into getting him that quintessence, getting him access. It's fairly clear he never considered he himself (as a half breed) might also be a Mystic Altean; he's stunned as hell when the Mark of the Chosen appears on his cheeks. It's Allura he focuses on from the getgo, and specifically Allura as Alfor's daughter, Allura as Mystic Altean.

This is where I'm flat out shooting down any Lotor/Allura romance ideas. Lotor has zero interest in Allura as a person. He doesn't talk to her about her feelings, or who she is as a person, or what she likes or dislikes. He is very invested in having her like him, however, and every conversation they have comes back around to either getting her to like him, or sympathize with him, or a discussion of how wonderful it must be to be Altean and have magic and oh yes, quintessence. He's interested in learning Altean magic from her, and he's entirely fine if he has to first make sure she knows about Altean magic herself. Everything he does with Allura in season Five is about getting into her good graces, setting himself up as a benefactor and potential ally - and yes, at one point he does even offhandedly suggest a political marriage. (One cannot help but draw parallels between Zarkon/Honerva and Lotor's designs on Allura here; he'd clearly LOVE to have a magic witch of his very own.)

It's not about her. It's never been about her. It's about that storehouse of quintessence he badly, badly wants, and that (now that he realizes his initial plan of using the Sincline ships won't work) he thinks she can get for him. That ultra-powerful quintessence that creates monsters that eat seasoned Galra generals and their entourages in seconds. _That_stuff.

He's willing to let the other Paladins run roughshod over his home base, making messes, freaking guards out, launching robeast coffins, oh by the way Shiro here's where all our troops are, all of it, because what he wants hasn't changed and none of what the other Paladins are doing impacts that. It's only Allura, her magic, her powers, that interest him. The others? His only interest is that they not be against him.

What Isn't Yet Known

This is the frustrating bit. We don't know what Lotor's after. I mean yes, clearly he very much wants unlimited stores of his ultra powerful quintessence, but we don't know why. Army of monsters? Fuel for some new kind of ship? Rip holes in all the realities? It's anyone's guess why he wants this stuff, but it's pretty clear that it is what he's after at this stage.

We don't know for sure why he was after the teludav either. Since it's gone, there's no way to know if he just wanted to study it, or if he needed it for something (and therefore might have a lab make a new one?) or what.

Mostly, the paladins don't know this stuff. I mean yes, they were told by the Blades that Lotor was probably behind the new quintessence supply lines, but a lot's happened since then. The Paladins definitely don't know about Ranveig's beast, or that the ultra powerful quintessence is used in Sincline ships, or that Lotor has traversed realities. (Allura, and only she, might know of that last one. But only her.) They don't have the pieces of this particular puzzle. But they're there, and I think clues as to what Lotor might want all this quintessence for should be watched for when S6 comes out.

#voltron legendary defender #vld

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ferrellcody · 4 years ago

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Ex Boyfriend Didnt Text Back

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Getting Ex Back After 8 Months

#Get Ex Wife Back After Divorce Fabulous Unique Ideas #How Can I Win My Ex Girlfriend Back If She Has

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unit8rosiefryer · 5 years ago

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Evaluation

For my final major project, I created an animated music video which could better be described as a motion graphic. It’s visually narrative, as it follows along with the lyrics of my song of choice, and is therefore both informative as well as aesthetically pleasing. When designing this piece I imagined it joining many other music videos on YouTube, which meant that the audience would likely be younger people (25 or under) as they are the current primary demographic for this site. However, due to it’s storytelling nature, I also believe that those old older generations will enjoy watching it and learning about the story within the song. In fact, when I showed it to my family, the majority of positive feedback came from people aged over 35.

I went into this project with a very basic understanding of the software that I chose (Adobe Illustrator and Adobe After Effects). This was actually quite motivating to me as it meant that if I wanted to produce something that I could be proud of, I would have to research, practice, and learn to expand my skills. For the most part I think that I completed my plan well, as the end result was fairly accurate to the image I had in my head. Having said that, if I could go back in time and chose what I was going to create again, I think I might have chosen differently. This isn’t because I didn’t enjoy the challenge - I actually found the progress very rewarding - but because I discovered that the reason I enjoyed this was because it involved visual story telling, and not because of the animation aspect of it. Following this, I believe I would chose to do a form of info-graphics next time, perhaps a series of advertising posters with an underlying satirical/sarcastic tone. I think that this would play to my strengths more, as I enjoy the cryptic aspect of designing something that has to be thought about to be understood, but could also be interpreted differently by various people.

When it came to researching for this project, I was reluctant because I didn’t know where to start. I knew that I had seen motion graphics used in advertising before, but I couldn’t remember where or when. However, luckily for me advertising is everywhere, and it didn’t take long before I saw an example that portrayed exactly what I enjoy about the style. From here I searched digital art websites and found many more portrayals of what I wanted to create: a simple, visually pleasing motion graphic, which had smooth transitions and told a story. Finding inspiration for my elements was even easier, as I had a solid image in my head of what I wanted them to look like, I just needed a guide to make sure some pieces were recognisable for what they were. Both of these instances refer to secondary research. I found primary research harder to acquire, as there is very little around me which I could have gathered to use as inspiration for my design, as it is set on a hillside and I live in a city. However there is one scene containing a skyline of city buildings, and I could have explored my home further to find inspiration for this instead, of just using the internet; which is what I did. I was able to obtain one source of primary research however, and this was in the form of a survey. I asked people around me of varying ages and occupations how they felt about animated music videos. I believe that this sample was fairly representative as some of the people have knowledge of this area, whereas others have none; and both of these groups were a mix of ages. I used my findings to approach my project in a way that would please as many people as possible, as that is one of its primary functions - to be viewed and enjoyed.

As stated earlier, during my time collecting secondary research, I mostly used the internet, as it contains anything and everything I could want. For one occasion, I saw some inspiration on an advert when I was in the cinema, and then found the link to it later on YouTube. I didn’t use books at any time, but I feel that this is justified because of the digital field that my project is set in. I was sure to reference all my research in my bibliography, although I think I might have lacked mentioning it during my reflective journals, and expressing when and where it had inspired me. For another project I would be sure to gather more primary research, because I think it can give a project a more personal impression, as it contains elements of my life, not just ideas from already existing sources.

During my time creating this animation I ran into quite a few problems. I decided to alter my plan in the first week of animating, by removing a character that I had originally wanted to be in there. This meant that I had to redesign some of the frames on my storyboard to be as expressive without using a face to portray emotions. I suppose this was less of a problem and more a consequential decision, but even so it put me a little off-track. Further issues arose at various points, for example, the format of the software I was using was accidentally altered once, and I didn’t know how to access my work, but a classmate helped me to fix that. The biggest issues came about in regards to my memory stick. This was a large project storage-wise, and when it came towards the end I had to get a new one to save my rendered version on to. There were also complications when I (foolishly) moved some files around, and made them inaccessible to the original piece of work; which meant that none of my elements were visually available, but again this was fixed within the hour.

Due to the removal of the character in the beginning of the project, my end result is a bit different to my original sketches and storyboard. However I don’t think that this is a bad thing; in fact, I think that it ended up better than I had planned, as without the characters face to express emotions on, I had to think of creative and subjective ways to do this, which can be interpreted by each viewer differently. I truly don’t believe that I could have dealt with any issues in a more effective way. They didn’t set me back too much and ultimately, allowed my project to become what it is and I’m happy with that. I learned a lot from fixing them, for example I should never alter the placement of files during such a big project, without being sure that I had multiple copies saved first in case anything went wrong. I also feel that I have become more confident when asking for help, as it just allows me to progress faster and doesn’t (often) effect anyone else.

To produce this project I planned a reasonable amount. I created sketches and storyboards for each scene of my animation, as well as annotating to show how one would morph into the next. My schedule was broken down into weeks which were spent creating the elements, and then creating the animation. In reality these two activities overlapped a little due to some changes to the plan, but I still managed to finish with comfortable time in-hand. In this sense, I feel like I was efficient, because if I hadn't been then I would have either struggled to finish, or the quality of my end product would be affected more than it has been. If I had to complete this exact project again knowing what I know now, I don’t imagine that there is much I would change. The digital quality of my animation could be clearer, so if I were to repeat this I may do some more research into how to make this happen, but i don’t feel that the lack of research in this area has been particularly detrimental to my project.

For the whole of this project I used software that I had used before, and knew vaguely, as the original time pressure to get everything finished felt like enough of a challenge, that didn’t need adding to by using unknown software. If I had wanted a challenge, there are many pieces of software in which to create animations that I could have researched and used; but as After Effects was the only one I knew (even though I was only introduced to it in the last 6 months) I decided to stick with this, and to challenge myself by learning new skills and techniques. I did this by following YouTube tutorials, one of which for example taught me how to create the simple motion graphics of the expanding circles and stars that I used to imitate the beat in the intro and chorus. Now that I know how long this process takes, and that I was able to finish a 3.5 minute animation in 6 weeks, next time I might venture into new territory software-wise, as I feel that this could be interesting, but may also allow me to complete this to a higher standard than After Effects did.

I used my blog as a journal throughout this process, by writing up how each week had gone. In these entries I included how far along I was, any problems that had occurred, how I solved these as well as how I was feeling about the whole process. My evaluations were an honest reflection of my performance that week - if I hadn’t been overly motivated then I would mention it because I wanted to admit when I wasn’t trying my hardest, and use this as motivation to do better next week. For a future assignment, I may use a rating system to show how each aspect of my project is coming along, for example I would use headers such as ‘progress’, ‘problem solving’, ‘timekeeping’, and ‘personal feelings’ under which I could describe the week, and then give a rating out of 10 for each section. Doing this would give me both qualitative and quantitative data, from which I could produce a form of chart at the end, so I could see how consistent I was in each area week by week. I could then use this to improve my work methods for anything else that I complete.

I chose to use this layout for my blog as opposed to a grid layout, as I think that having my posts in a chronological timeline paints a better picture of the process I went through, and the progress that I made along the way. I added a profile picture which is the same as the one on my YouTube channel, and my Behance page, as I feel that some consistency across these sites will look more professional. I made sure to use headers for each blog post to explain what they were showing, and used images where I felt they were appropriate. My only issue with this method of tracking progress, was that if I wanted to add in something which was more relevant 2 weeks ago, it had to be at the top of the timeline so everything isn’t as in order as I would like. I considered starting a new blog so that once everything was written, I could put every post in the order that I wanted it to be in, but decided that this wasn’t fully representative of what I had been doing. Instead I just explained in some posts that the content was created a while ago and I just hadn’t had to opportunity to upload it until now. I have learned that tracking my progress is a very good way of motivating me, as I can look back and see how far I’ve come, and remember problems that seemed so dire, as menial and unimportant now. The chronology of my blog allows it to tell the story of how I made each decision, and whether or not that worked for me, and I now find this almost as rewarding to look at as I do my final piece.

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