#the placement only makes sense to me i think so i put numbers. next to the words. cheers

[nelsaqift]

its been over a year i need them out of my cranium. pronto

[twst-hottest-takes]

Tweel Anatomy discussion!

Part 1.

(Ask and ye shall recieve! This will be split up into a couple of parts because this could get long and it's easy enough to break up into pieces. [I definitely wasn't putting this off until the cards officially released.])

For starters I have to say again that I just love the twins and their merforms are so cool. I just want an excuse to gush about them. A lot of this discussiom will involve headcanons and hypotheticals and estimations, so there is your warning to not take anything in this post as law. This post, like pretty much all the others is very opinionated. Some of the fun bits about contemplating the anatomy of a fantasy creature involves drawing the imaginary lines between where the fish parts end and the human parts begin, and where the two become a blur and turn into something completely new. I like to think I strike a balance with my hypotheses, but perhaps others might not feel the same way. This is a post meant to start a discussion, not a fight. So let's see how far down the rabbit hole we can go . . .

Starting with a classic: How big are these guys?

Let's answer Ace's question. (While laughing like middle-schoolers about how that question was phrased.)

Now there is no canon answer to my knowledge so I can only give my best estimation. (Corrections welcome!) I firmly believe that they do not change "size" between their land and sea forms. For all intents and purposes, the twins are being treated as though their heads, arms, torsoes, and pelvic regions are the same size between human and merforms.

BECAUSE EVEN WITHOUT CHANGING SIZE THESE GUYS ARE ABSOLUTE MONSTERS IN THEIR MERFORMS.

I have no real proof of my theory. I simply compared the sprites and scaled the chibis until they had the same head size. Forgive me for not having a better method of measurement. I am not going to try and unravel the live 2D mermodels and I think trying to measure their shadows from their intro scene would be even less reliable. The length of the tail is approximately 75% the length of the rest of the body after where his feet theoretically end.

I didn't do the same with Floyd because I feel that it's safe to assume that he's probably a few cm longer (3-5 cm max) due to his 1 cm height difference when they are in human form. I hazard a guess that only the two of them actually care about that difference in length.

332 cm. (Or around 11 ft for those of us stateside.)

We know they're huge, but tying a number to the length REALLY puts things into perspective. Like it's actually a little scary.

Next: Gill placement.

I am a big fan of the gill slits being around the ribs! Not only do they look cool, but I like that it can be read as a combination of human and eel anatomy in their merforms.

Since they have a humanoid chest cavity, it makes sense that even though they don't have lungs, they may have a muscular structure similar to a diaphragm. By having a muscular system that works passively/sympathetically they could have a "breathing" motion similar to humans; but, instead of taking air in, it simply keeps water moving across the gills to maintain gas exchange.

Benefits of this system include: Being able to sleep (as I would assume merfolk do), and being able to stay in one place (most fish need to be moving constantly to keep their gills working). The ability to be stationary isn't necessary for fish, but for merfolk who have social conventions, even being able to sit still to have a conversation is a boon (unless the world of mermen is built around the idea that no one ever sits still, but I feel like the photograph from Book 3 proves otherwise).

Furthermore, having the gills on the ribs as opposed to somewhere farther up--for example, on the neck--the twins can reasonably stick their heads out of the water without fear of limiting their breathing ability. Though these new card illustrations show that they don't seem to have any problem with having their gills exposed to the air (at least as far as being photogenic is concerned), I can see it being convenient for merfolk to be able to poke their head and shoulders above the water and still be able to breath regularly (which definitely doesn't have anything to do with luring unwary travelers to their deaths. . .nope. . .not at all).

I have seen people say they don't like the choice and that the gills should be on their necks. If that's coming from a place of personal preference and is purely aesthetic I guess I can see it. But if anyone tries to tell me that it's not "eel-like" enough and they need to have the gills closer to the mouth, I will fight you. From a design and functionality standpoint the rib gills are fantastic!

For the last bit of this entry, let's talk about the elephant in the room: THE EEL ABS!

I'd say "don't get me started on this one" but I'm already here and we're already too deep in, so here we go.

Things are about to get spicy!

~They're fine.

Like, as a choice, the inclusion of these muscles is likely just for fanservice points, but it's not an anatomically strange thing.

Come here and I will explain to you a thing:

MERFOLK DO NOT SWIM WITH THE SAME MUSCLE GROUPS AS HUMANS DO!

Once upon a time, (this is going somewhere, just stick with me!) people complained that Ariel, the Little Mermaid herself, was too skinny and not built like a swimmer. People insisted that she not have such a tiny waist and her arms should be bigger. Now I, here and now, should not have to tell the reader why this is so ridiculous to say, but I'm going to anyway~ ARIEL DOES NOT USE HER ARMS TO SWIM! Those who have watched the movie may have observed that she swims like an aquatic mammal. All of her momentum comes from the verticle motion of her tail, and to some extent her abdomen, not her arms. When she turns human, Ariel does not even know how she can use her arms to help her swim upwards and out of the ocean. She struggled without her tail so much Sebastian and Flounder basically carried her to the surface.

In this way, merfolk do not need to have the same type of body as a human swimmer because they are functionally different and some people seem to get stuck on that.

Now returning to Jade and Floyd, again, their arms are not "built like a swimmer's." Once again THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE. There is nothing in all of Twisted Wonderland that suggests they swim with their arms at all. These boys have 5 foot long tails that are probably primarily muscle to propel themselves through the water. The arms are not for propulsion. The tails do the grand majority of the work, but this conversation was started about abdominal muscles so we'll circle back to that now. Unlike other merfolk (as exemplified by Ariel) who swim with verticle motions of their tails, eel-based mermen would swim by making horizontal motions, also primarily with their tails. I do say primarily because the idea occurs to me that there may be situations where the limits of their ability to move might be tested. If a merman built like this wanted to go significantly faster than whatever is "normal" for them, muscle groups higher in the body would get used. Essentially, given Jade and Floyd as characters, I don't find it hard to believe that, at the speeds they swim, they would be using their very human-shaped abdomens to increase their speed. That's a workout, especially for the obliques.

So, in conclusion, I don't think the abs are weird. Gratuitous? Absolutely. But they aren't the anatomical monstrosity some people seem to think they are.

Let me say once more, if you simply don't like how it looks, or the fish abs squick you out and you like to headcanon they don't exist--that's fine. But don't argue with me on the basis that it's not realistic. Mermaids are, after all, fictional creatures and depictions of them tend to be fanciful. The tough conversation comes about when we choose to draw the lines with how realistic we actually want them to be, HENCE THIS ENTIRE POST!

(Laughs like a maniac before signing off.)

Thank you for coming to the first part of my rambling. What should I talk about in the next part?

Other than the throat teeth. We've got a miniature essay about the throat teeth just about ready to go.

Also, apologies if there aren't enough visual guides. I really wanted to get this posted, so if anyone wants me to I can doodle up some more stuff to help with things like the image of the breathing aparatus and swimming motions. I have just not had much time this week.

(Going to fall asleep thinking about how sparkly these boys are.)

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Park Jimin's Perspective Reading

Disclaimer: Just putting this first, just a Tarot reader. I do not know him personally, just saying this, because this was a bit intense and dark. Now that we have that out the way. On to the reading.

Okay, since it is still Libra season. I thought I do another Libra idol on my radar. That will be BTS Park Jimin. The song that came to mind was Exceptional by Jojo with the lyric, 'Your exceptional they way you are don't need to change for nobody, anyone can see that, when will you believe that.' I just felt that fit him, because sometimes he can be insecure about himself and unsure. He may not always see the true beauty in himself. I can see that with a lot of people though. Adored by so many but misunderstood. Not sure why they came up, but maybe once I dive into the cards that will. Looking at his chart he has lots of air and water placements in his strongest placements, so it may be hard for him to stay grounded in reality. Let's dive into the cards. I am being pulled towards the shadow decks first, so here we go. I hope this isn't as intense as I think it will be.

It seems like there were a lot of sacrifices he had to make to make his dreams come true. There is a sense from these cards that he isn't really grounded in reality, which as I mentioned his chart makes that clear. But he kind of gets lost in his own reality. It seems he may have had to sacrifice himself. I am getting he falls for lies, not sure where that is coming from. There is a pattern here with him. He may use escapism to remove himself from his reality at times. He may enjoy when he goes to sleep, because then is when he may feel free. I am kind of getting he is chained and restricted. Man, I knew this would be dark and intense. There is shame he does have, maybe for things he has done, could be for fame, or just past mistakes, or the addictive patterns he may have. He just understands there are sacrifices to be made in the game. There are also defenses he has, like he is protected of what he has or has earned. I see him trying to do things to forget himself, or he loses himself to the game or to others, like he gets lost in the shuffle, or it is hard for him to be himself. So far, all Libra idols have giving me this energy, so not surprised with this one. When I see the card Forgetting himself in this deck, it is like he does not put himself first or even second, like what he wants is not important really.

There is like a sense of him being split, like these two cards which are the only two cards in the deck, are split. He may dissociate to relieve his anxiety. Not sure what he uses to dissociate. I am literally reading the cards here, I see it as to relieve anxiety, he needs to reverse dissociation. Like it may make things worse for him to do so. This is hard to understand this. I keep seeing the number 10 in the cards, well 2 and 8, which gives me there is an end of cycle he has the key to that can close this cycle, but like one part of him has the key, the other the lock to open it, this is weird, but that is what I see in the cards. I knew this would be complex. There is a sense he could be fragmented as well, surprised that card did not pop up in the Dark Mirror reading. His energy is weird to, because although these cards are intense for me, his energy is numb, like I feel nothing. Interesting, but weird. I will move on from this, because it is weird. Next deck.

Okay, another card talking about shame, not sure where the shame is here with him, but it is there. It could do with addictive patterns he may have allegedly. Maybe he feels shame more easily than others. Or he feels guilty about things he has done in general. It is like he picks at himself for every little thing he does. There is a sense he is a bit stagnant and does not work towards his future and can get stuck in the past a lot. He is giving me Pisces energy here of this inability to let go, forgive his mistakes and move forward to become a better version of himself. That mistakes don't just break him but can also make him. It is not all end all. There is some strong guidance for him to meditate, take a deep breaths and work towards healing himself. It will need for him to be more mindful and ground himself a bit more and learn to be one with himself and feel comfortable with himself. I feel that could be a struggle for him, but necessary for him to heal.

For him to find complete happiness and his happily ever after. He needs to find self-love and compassion for himself. I am not sure if he wants a family some day or to find that happy unit. There is a gateway or maybe someone in his life he can find love with, but I am not sure he allows it, but it may all stem from his lack of love for himself. He should come from a place of love. Yeah, getting some strong indications here that he needs to bring more love into his heart and life for himself first and that can bleed into others. He is going to need to work on grounding himself and taking care of his fundamental needs first. He may need to start putting his needs first.

It is like he reflects back what you project onto him. There could be a distorted view of himself. There is a sweet, tenderness to Jimin, a softness, kind of princess like vibe. There is a youthfulness and vivaciousness to him. There is an eloquence to his nature and feminine nature to him. I am also getting he can be pretty vulnerable, that could be to manipulation. I think I got in the beginning that he can deluded into a fantasy that doesn't exist. I don't know where I am going there, but that is what I am getting. There is a void he does have, an emptiness that he isn't sure how to fill. I just feel like he doesn't know himself. He may need others to fill him, but not sure what to do or who he is on his own. He likes his community of people and depends on others a lot and prefers to do so. There is a fear of him being out on his own. It is the unknown is very scary to him. He may not know how to stand on his own, because he may lack self-awareness and love. It is like who is he without the influence of others.

So, looking at these cards, had no clue why I was pulled to this deck, but now I see why. As I mentioned he is kind of split. One card is the Sun and the other card is the moon, sunrise and sunset. He has a light and dark side, two sides to himself. The one card has the keyword shapeshifter. It is like he is different around different people. I mean we kind of all are to be honest, like why is this mentioned, is his extreme in some case? I am getting he projects what people think he is, so if someone sees him a certain way. He will be that certain way. Like why express these two sides and split sides? There are things he is aware of, but some he is not. I am just getting he may not know who he is, which makes sense. I feel a lot of these idols don't know who they are, but in his case, it may be a big deal. I am also getting he is impressionable and easy to mold. These cards are giving me he is forever changing, which can be good, but there is a sense of maybe a lack of identity with him, a solid foundation, a core. I just get there is no solid sense of self for him. When I see these two cards with the keywords flowing river and shapeshifter, I get easy to penetrate and manipulate. I kind of don't like this for him. I hope this boy isn't getting manipulated, but this sure kind of how feels like it.

Closing out with some my Tarot cards. Interesting to see pentacles pop up for his ready. I am not sure why he got the 9 of Pentacles. These gives me someone just chilling and indulging, enjoying their money that they earned, but he is in the Military, so this is weird. I am not sure this describes his personality. He doesn't come off as an independent, money loving person, who prefers his solitude. He may be coming into this energy lately possibly, maybe the Military has taught him to be this way, okay now with the 7 of Swords, with the keywords hiding myself, manipulation, and not able to be oneself, maybe this is in image he projects to make himself appear confident. Because 9 of Pentacles is all about appearance and appearing a certain way. He is someone who does thrive on working with others. It is where he performs best. This could also indicate his energy right now in the Military where collaborative effort is important or he feels it is important for them to work as a team.

Okay, those last card were quite different from the whole spread. This was a quite intense in the beginning. Glad it ended in a less intense way. I do still find it weird that the cards are intense, but I felt nothing energetically. I don't mind it, since I hate getting the sensations, like with Soobin's, but worries me a bit, it is like there may be some sort of disconnection there. Not sure how I can explain that further.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

One Day Closer to You

Sequel to One is the Loneliest Number, One on One, One Little Thing, Only One I See, One Thing Leads To Another, One Message Waiting

Warnings: none, Professor Steve (that’s a warning in itself)

Dunno if I’ll be doing an exhaustive drabble series but there’s at least this. Let me know if you’re enjoying it or not and any thoughts you have. Love you!

“Do you mind sticking around?” Steve stops you before you can leave. Inez is conveniently absent as the submission deadline looms for the essay. You have no excuse left to avoid him.

Since that night with the mistaken messages, you still haven’t figured out how to face him. Of course, it’s easy to sit among the rows of students and blend in. You know it’s inevitable, that sooner or later, you’ll have to bear through the embarrassment. He probably won’t mention it and you’ll try not to think of it.

“Figured, we might go over stuff for your placement. I have a draft of the syllabus for you and–”

“Sure,” you answer as he begins to ramble. Inez’s jokes echo in your head. Is he eager to be with you or just impatient to get through the work? “I can hang out.”

You put your bag down on the long table next to the podium as he reaches for his briefcase. He flips up the flap and searches around, pulling out a bright pink folder. He smiles over the top of it as he returns to you.

“I put together a few things. The standard TA introductory package. Things to get you ready.” He puts it down between you, “you should start your first class by going over your expectations and rules for the class. You’ll be teaching, really.”

“Oh, yeah,” you flip open the folder, “makes sense.”

“Please, have a set,” he waves to the chair not far from you, “I can forward you the slides I typically use,” he bends a leg over the table as he sits atop it. His hand rests on his thigh as his other tugs at his collar. Nerves or impatience. “You don’t have to use them but they should be a good guide for you. I’ll have to approve your lesson beforehand, of course.”

“Uh, okay, yeah,” you shuffle through the papers.

As you read through the list of classroom tips, you feel him watching you. You get to the syllabus and thumb through it as you flick the top corner back and forth, bending it. You peek up, sweltering in the silence.

“This is very helpful,” you say, “thank you so much.”

“Ah, well, I mean, all I did was hit print,” he rubs his neck as he adjusts his perch on the table, “so, uh, I… I’m sorry about the other night. I got confused between numbers and I didn’t realise it was you until… after.”

“Oh, ha,” you force an awkward laugh, “no, please don’t– you don’t have to– I get it. I hope everything went okay. But uh, it happens.”

“Mm, yeah,” he drops his hand and huffs, “it… was a long night.”

You nod and give a weak smile, trying to be sympathetic. You look back at the folder and skim through the schedule. He shifts and clears his throat.

“Sat there a whole hour and she didn’t turn up,” he says, “but I had a nice meal. Alone.”

You hide your discomfort, wondering why he was sharing all this. He could’ve left it. It was done. Over. You hadn’t asked any questions. You really didn’t want, or need, to know.

“That’s too bad,” you say without looking up.

“It really is. I’ve been trying this Tinder thing, you must get it, you’re young,” he chuckles thinly, fingers tapping on his slacks, “it’s been a disaster.”

“Dating’s tough,” you say as you hide a cringe and gather a semblance of composure. You don’t know what to say, “so, uh, which week would I–”

“It really is. Tough. Are you… dating? Got any helpful tips?”

You sit up and look at him, speechless. What can you say? You’ve never been on a date. You’re focusing on school. You don’t get boys and they really don’t get you.

“Sorry, I don’t know, professor,” you exhale, “how about your friend, Professor Barnes? I think he said something about a girl. You could try… a double date.”

Your tone quavers in the air at your uncertainty. You’re no good at advice and you really don’t want to overstep. You really just want to quash the subject.

“Huh,” he scratches his chin, “that’s a good idea. I’ll have to ask, thanks. How was your night?”

“Just studied,” you say evasively, “uh, reminds me, I still gotta do my final edit for Friday’s paper.”

You stand up and close the folder. He doesn’t move as he watches you, crossing his arms over his chest. The fabric of his shirt draws taut around his arms as the buttons strain up his torso.

“You already submitted,” he says.

You pause, once more struck silent. How would he know? He must get a notification each time someone does. That lines up but you wouldn’t think he would check each one.

“Another class, history,” you lie through your teeth. “Professor, I really appreciate all the help. I’ll look at the slides and get back to you.”

“We should schedule something, a meet-up. Oh, maybe we can get tea again and go over ideas,” he suggests.

You smile tensely, your cheek twitching. He just seems so sweet, harmless. Inez can’t be right. Maybe he’s a bit awkward but he only means well. He’s only trying to help. And he’s giving his time to make sure you do well and you could use all the help you can get.

“Um, well, okay,” you sputter, “yeah, um, I’ll check my schedule and get back to you. I have some study groups coming up for finals and er, nobody can make up their minds.”

“Sounds good. Great,” he stands and drops his arms, framing his hips with his large hands, “you can text me.”

“I’ll send an email,” you offer evenly, “anyways, I really should head out. I’m sure you have lots to do.”

“Dinner for one. Again,” he says glumly.

“Instant ramen for me,” you chime as you put the folder in your bag and zip it up, “have a good night, professor.”

“Steve,” he corrects, “you can call me Steve. We’ll be working together for a while.”

“Uh, Steve,” you repeat, “sorry, I’m just not used to it.”

“It’s fine,” he assures you as his right hand balls at his side, clenching the fabric of his pocket, “I’ll see ya later. Oh, and good luck on your history paper.”

“Thanks,” you swoop your backpack over your shoulder and spin on your heel, “have a good one.”

[the-moon-devi]

Boda PC Moodboard: Venus

Hi! I would like to participate in your Ask Game! I have completed all the steps required to enter. The answer can be private or public, I leave to your judgment.

My Venus is in Taurus in the 7th house at 5 degrees, with the following aspects: venus conjunct saturn, venus square neptune, venus biquintile pluto

My initials: GMCC

Number: 7 images, and numbers 1,5,7,3,9,27,28

My favorite post of your blog is the Boda PC post

Because it is not very common to be able to find information in general about asteroids, much less about person charts with such exact and descriptive information.

Not to mention that the aesthetic part of your blog caught my attention, which if you allow me I would like to congratulate you on that.

Something that I also think was rescued from that publication is the extension because you don't normally find the type of detail and, above all, the effort you put into it is noticeable by posting sample images and describing not only the houses but also the grades.

Well, I have nothing left but to thank you for the opportunity to participate in this game and again congratulate you for the number of followers and the quality of your content.

Hi!!! So I got your second ask that you sent in with your correction!

I want to start off by thanking you for your kind compliments! I really appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoy my blog love!

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Channeled Messages:

You Deserve

Classic/ Retro

Different

So to start off you got 4 of pentacles, and from this card I got the energy that your wedding aesthetic will be simple & conservative? Maybe you don't go overboard with your wedding and that makes sense, because your venus is conjunct your Saturn. I also think this placement plays into the classic/ retro energy! Next card is the hanged man it came out in rx. This indicates that you will take time with your wedding and constantly look at different povs so You can see if it will be perfect for you! You may be very imganitive when it comes to planning your big day. I think this is something that you will really take your time with. Another thing I was picking up on is your partner. I think they will be focused on making sure everything is perfect as well. Your partner may be very money conscious. The next card was the 6 of pentacles. Your wedding will be very stable and balanced it could definiteley be a little conservative. I feel like with this venus sqaure neptune, your wedding will be very beautiful and dreamy. Almost too beautiful to be real! It will have a dreamy touch to it. There will also be alot of work that goes into your wedding. Venus in taurus will make your wedding comforting! Venus at 5° shows that you and your partner will have insane chemistry, NOW CRAZILY ENOUGH.... I pulled an oracle card that said "PASSION" !!!!!! Your guests will also have alot of fun at your wedding. You may also have amazing food at your wedding! I did have a channeled song for you below and I feel like this will be similar to the dynamic between you and your partner!

[aggressive-almond-cookie]

Lately I've sort of gotten my second wind in wanting to get better at anarchy. I thought that setting myself an ambitious rank goal might push me into working harder for it, but it actually just made me over-focus on winning which made it hard for me to want to take risks, experiment, and learn, and ultimately stressed me out and made me too nervous to play much. I ended up avoiding it, and then feeling bad for avoiding it, and then feeling worse when I did play because I was so out of practice due to avoiding it. So... lesson learned, I need to not do that. I still need to set goals, but stick to personal learning goals.

To some extent, it's mentally easiest to just trust that rank will naturally put me wherever I belong eventually. I don't need to focus on getting rank to put me in a certain place as much as I need to focus on 1) cultivating enough skill to belong there, and 2) then play enough games for the randomness factors to even out well enough that my placement is accurate. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it sort of lets me relax and not get too stressed out about results of individual games. I trust that I'll get to the next rank when I'm ready, and I don't know what 'ready' means-- that's up to the games to decide. All I can do is keep learning.

The last several times I have played anarchy have been pretty demoralizing. Some of that is because now I have friends that are willing to do open with me, but they are far better than me and it's a difficult environment to learn in. We get matched against teams way above my skill level and everyone is just sooo efficient and aware and precise; it's hard to get practice in when I take two steps into mid and die immediately. Additionally it's hard feeling like the weakest link on the team. I am making the majority of the mistakes that cost us games and when the knowledge of that starts to weigh on me I start inwardly tilting pretty quickly. My friends are patient and kind with me but I'm not sure they know how to help me, and I think the only way I can realistically start helping myself is in solo queue.

So I was dusting off and tuning up my old system of tables and spreadsheets that I was using to track my learning progress last season, getting ready to put them to use again. And once thing I did find very heartening, I realized, as I was going through my list of things I wanted to improve on, that I actually had improved on quite a few of them. I retagged more items to the 'improved' list than I expected to, and it gave me some faith that.... I am still improving, ultimately. even if it doesn't feel like it compared to others. I guess since others are also improving at a similar rate as me, it's a lot harder to notice my own progress. Even though I am improving compared to my past self, I have been perceiving my progress based on how much I am closing the skill gap between myself and others, and that's not really an accurate metric.

So I've added to and reformatted a bunch of stuff in my learning systems specifically to help me better track my own personal improvements more objectively. I am hoping having the numbers in front of me will keep my morale from tanking too badly next time I'm on a 5+ loss streak. Plus tables and spreadsheets and data just make my brain happy. I just need to be careful to avoid the trap of spending more time fine-tuning my learning systems than..... actually using them to learn things, lol. I know I'm prone to that, especially when I'm nervous about practicing.

Meanwhile, well, I'm still stuck in B+ where I was when the season began, and with my win/loss ratio I haven't moved the needle very much. So.... maybe this weekend I can put these systems back into action and see where I end up by Fresh Season.

[bartonsmock]

the current record ( just ( pain

Pain notes March 2023 through beginning June 2023

 I love meaninglessness. I don't think I'll ever forgive this life for steering my writing away from emptiness.

 I didn't think my identity was so fragile. Three months of not being myself at home, at work, in self. I mean, moments, sure. And I've done the work of years that gives me an hour here and there, but jeesh. I would say humbling, but pain and dependence are unearned lessons. It's just, subtracting. From house to hotel to the day-by-day avoidance of no vacancy. So glad to have those around me who check-in like they own property

 Pain is exhausting. I can sense my sleep sleeping without me. It's an odd placement of spirit, for sure. And it feels deserved. Like, my body has agreed to something because it knows something I don't. About me.

 Pain replaces time. I travel only the world that an hour leaves unmapped. I count backward from a number I forget to choose. My body doesn't work. These are some fucked-up sheep.

 Pain as supply in a dollhouse too big. I have to settle for what my hand lands on and for what lands on my hand. Sleep is a hellscape. Comfort has no maker. I was yesterday an urgent child drawing a spacecraft and on the spacecraft I placed a machine that was meant to put blood in a mountain. I couldn’t make it work.      

 I've always had trouble sleeping, but damn...pain is a new kind of awake. It's like you're trying to sleep for two people who hate each other, but who've bonded on their dislike of you. I feel like the third wheel given to a god trying to reinvent the first.

 Hell not existing is an especially cold fact when pain puts you in it. Ah, well. Touch is touch recording what it hears.Sleep can wait. But not like a mirror waits.

 One day you don't have any forever thing wrong with your body, and the next, you do.Nnot true of course. The soul and the ghost can only distract each other for so long before they threeway your non-existence. But I used to look at photos as if they could look back. Maybe we can't sleep because sleep covers for death. I don't need an alibi. I need to know who I was with.

 Late pain makes one childlike. You feel you've done something, in a place you didn't belong. And now belonging has come for its name. And you utter what you know, and are shown the nothing you thought was more deeply buried. And you start your own belief, right at the moment you tire from trying to make others believe. There are no before-and-after photos of god.

[arcaneprism]

Nursing the Sick One - Julie & Kayla

Number 9!! What better time to write about sick people than when you’re sick yourself?

Anyways I’ve been thinking about Kayla

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Kayla being ill wasn’t a regular occurrence. Generally, she was one of the last of them to fall sick, if at all. That, coupled with her studying to get into nursing, usually made her the unintentional caretaker in their household for when all of them fell sick. Julie wondered how she coped. Because Julie was in her role right now and she wanted to die.

She loved her housemates, truly she did but good lord they were really making her think that they should be giving Kayla presents every time someone fell sick. She kind of wished that Kayla wasn’t one of the sick ones right now so that she could have some help but hearing Kayla’s croaky ‘come in’ when she knocked on her door had her changing her mind quickly. She more than deserved the break she was getting.

Not that being ill was a break but given how stretched thin she had been with assignments and placement and Dirty Candi practises, it was probably as close as she was going to get.

“How are you feeling?”

All Julie got from the pile of blankets was a pained groan.

“I have soup.”

Another groan. Julie frowned behind her mask, putting the soup aside to poke and prod at the pile of blankets until Kayla finally emerged from her blanket nest.

“Come on, up we go.” Julie urged, fussing around Kayla’s complaints until she managed to force herself to sit up. She looked groggy, eyes drooping as if she was about to fall asleep again, and her usual smile replaced by the angriest scowl Julie had ever seen on her.

“I’m not hungry,” she grumbled, looking somewhat like a disgruntled cat and Julie had to hold back a laugh.

She didn’t take no for an answer though, having learned from Alex who had nearly bitten her head off when she tried to get him to eat and then almost ended up crying because he was hungry a little later on. Unlike Alex who acted like a toddler when Julie tried to feed him, Kayla was compliant, swallowing down the soup whenever Julie spooned it into her mouth.

She managed to make Kayla eat half the bowl before Kayla finally had enough, pushing away the soup when Julie tried to get her to eat another spoonful.

“Are you going back to sleep now?” Julie asked when Kayla had finished up as much water as she could tolerate.

Kayla shook her head, settling back down into her pillows in a still upright position, “Have to wait 30 minutes.”

Oh. 

Right. That was a thing. Maybe Julie shouldn’t have let Luke flop back into bed right after he had eaten. No matter. She’ll check on him later to make sure he didn’t die in his sleep or something.

“Do you want company till then?”

Kayla tilted her head, taking a moment to think through the fuzz in her brain before she finally nodded. Julie smiled and took a perch at the end of her bed.

“How’s playing nurse going?”

Julie wasn’t sure what kind of face she made, but it managed to pull a laugh out of Kayla and she was more than happy to take that as a win.

“That bad?”

Julie thought of Reggie who was so quiet and resigned to his sickness that if he died in his sleep, Julie probably wouldn’t realise till the next meal time, then of Nick who had become so whiny Julie had nearly strangled him, and then to Bobby and Flynn who both of them somehow wanted to be productive and needed to be sat on until they actually took a rest. (God, she was grateful that Carrie was travelling right now, she’d rather die than have to take care of a sick Carrie as well).

“At least we have Willie.” Julie finally said as a response. Willie had been an angel. The best patient in the house. Even if he was so delirious that half of what he was saying didn’t make sense. But hey, he at least listened and didn’t whine too much.

“Remind me to take you out to dinner when you’re well again. You deserve it for having to deal with us being like this so often.” Julie added.

Kayla only laughed.

[creatorofchaos]

Last Life Theory:

Season 2 actually happens before Season 1, all of which happen before Season 6 of Hermitcraft, but after the events of Evo.

⚠️ warning: moving ahead are spoilers for Last Life, Third Life, Hermitcraft, and Evo.

Implications:

I think that the implications here are pretty horrifying in themselves. For one, similar to if the season progressed in normal numerical order, every participant would have to experience the terrifying reality of permadying once again.

However, the second reason is much more scarring. There are players in season 2 who did not appear in season one, namely, Mumbo, Lizzie, and Pearl.

We can see the effects of season 2 play out in the dynamics that reappear in season 1.

Game Mechanics:

Starting out is the change in game mechanics. There is no BoogieMan in season 1. Instead, everyone started at 3 lives and then progressively died or were killed. But the paranoia remained so much so, that Grian inadvertently kills Scar with a creeper. Fan theory proposition was that it was to test whether they finally escaped the world’s mechanics, only for everyone to be sorely disappointed that they had not.

People:

Mumbo:

Next are the people. The obvious one being Mumbo. His relationship with Grian doesn’t start in earnest like you would expect two close friends to be. Instead, they pull together as the Southlanders unite. Lore-wise, an argument could be made that this is where the Grian/Mumbo friendship begins moving towards Hermitcraft. Adding fuel to this flame, Grian in Season 1 mentions to Scar in seemingly out of context form, “Do you think Mumbo would be proud?” If season 1 truly took place before season 2, this extremely dramatic line makes no sense. After all, who is Mumbo? He had not appeared in season 1 so there is no point to pushing this line unless Mumbo and Grian had some kind of relationship (friendship, we will use) before the events of season 1.

Lizzie:

Next is Lizzie (LDShadowLady). She is one of the older Minecraft players who never dabbled with the Hermits much before the events of Last Life and had her most active following during the times of DanTDM, CaptainSparklez, SkyDoesMinecraft, and Stampy. However, there is also one other old Minecraft player on the server - Martyn, aka InTheLittleWood. Martyn was a member of the Yogscast and made cameos in the music parodies “Screw the Nether” and “How Do I Craft This Again?”

Now what do these two older MCYTers have in common? They have in common a single individual - Rendog. In season 2, Ren is Lizzie’s knight, or at least the fandom put them in these roles. However, upon entering Season 1, Lizzie is nowhere to be found. Who better to take the new mantle of royalty than the knight appointed by the queen herself before? Thereby, Dogwarts is born. But for Ren to thrive, he too needs a knight of his own. Sniffing out the only other old soul on the server, he comes to Martyn, who is left without the allies he had in Season 2. After all, in a boogie-filled rage, he stabs Grian in the back, attempting to kill him, only for his kill to be stolen by Joel. Martyn is more than happy to join Ren - a new ally and friend - in his quest to win. This alliance is only further solidified with Grian’s constant antagonization of Dogwarts.

Pearl:

Lastly, we have Pearl. To be honest, I haven’t had the time to watch Pearl’s Last Life perspective, but I vaguely remember her being in Evo with Grian when I used to watch that series. This leads in to the timeline placement outside of the last life series.

Series Placement:

Evo:

Lining this up with the Hermitcraft series, especially before season 6, allows for a number of interesting implications surrounding the connection of the two series. For one, Evo, from Grian’s perspective, ended with the ender dragon fight, in which the Watchers had him join them after everyone fought in the End themselves instead of together (not 100% sure on this ending, so correct me if I’m wrong). However, there are a number of people besides Grian from Evo that appear in Last Life, including Pearl, Martyn, Jimmy (Solidarity), and Bigb.

If we take the presumption that Last Life Season 1 is the season before Hermitcraft season 6 and Last life season 2 is before Season 1, we see that, when Evo ended these 5 players entered Last Life with a number of the Hermits, alongside a couple non-Hermits.

In season 2, Grian allies himself with two of his former Evo members, Jimmy and Martyn. Both of these people come to betray him at some point in the series, in which neither were red names. This is an important distinction to Mumbo - whom Grian holds in high regard during the events of season 1, and then reconnects with once on the Hermitcraft server. Comparatively, Grian, in last life season 1, is antagonistic to his former allies in season 2. Grian has had mixed relations with Joel and has yet to interact with Pear in Last Life for any long length of time. All in all, of the Evo members, Grian is the only survivor who makes it to Hermitcraft season 6.

Going into season 1, Grian only allies himself with Scar. Compared to season 2 where Grian has more allies than he knows what to do with, only targeting Scar, Etho, and Scott for much of the season. Season 2 tears apart Grian’s ability to trust his friends. From Boogie kills to red life backstabbings, he goes from a solid alliance to putting together a fragmented and outnumbered red-name team. Ironically, the only individuals in Session 7 of season 2 who does not in some way hinder his plans are Scar and Pearl, both of whom were absent for at least a large chunk of the session. Pearl does not appear in Season 1 and Grian is eventually pigeonholed into another contract aligning himself with Scar.

Connection to Hermitcraft:

Etho, BDubs, and the nHo:

The Hermits in season 5 that are in Last Life are Scar, Etho, Ren, Tango, Impulse, BDubs, Cleo, and Mumbo. Two of these individuals - Bdubs and Etho - are notorious for having been part of the nHo in season 5, of which disbanded due to external conflicts that lead to Etho, Beef, and BDubs retreating from Hermitcraft for a short time (until the events of season 7). Etho returned to playing only single player Minecraft, BDubs took a hiatus for family matters, eventually also return to YouTube largely outside of Minecraft, before turning to single player as well, and Beef, who drifted away from Vanilla Minecraft and at times, the game altogether. All three individuals returned by Season 7 but didn’t do anywhere near the level of collaboration that was present in season 5.

The events of session 7 last life season 2 can begin to shed light though on this fan-made timeline. Bdubs once again dies and becomes a red life, staying loyal to Etho before being finished off by Grian (the eventual three of four way split to appear in last life season 1). Even after the Last Life events end and Hermitcraft begins again, BDubs and Etho are nowhere near as close as they were in last life season 2 or Hermitcraft season 5. This can be obviously explained away by breaking the fourth wall to avoid stale interactions, but for the sake of our timeline, is important.

The Grian Paradox:

Now, why is it that Grian, in this fan-made timeline, gets to survive and live on in Hermitcraft, but his fellow Evo members do not? Well, the simple answer is that Grian wins Last life season 1.

If we assume that the individuals from season 2 return in season 1, less a few members, we can make an even more interesting proposition: Grian is the only individual to remember external events, and by extension, the events of Last Life. For purposes of continuity, let’s say it is because Grian was chosen by the Watchers and this became another world of his he gets the misfortune of watching played out like a puppet show.

Grian is the only individual in last life season 1 to mention someone outside of the game that eventually enters, Scar not even giving Grian’s concern much thought. He ends up winning in the end of last life season 1, allowing him to enter Hermitcraft.

Placement Before Hermitcraft Season 6:

But why put last life before season 6 of Hermitcraft? Why not season 8, when Pearl joins? I place it here because it is the last season break we have in which this last life event could occur, where Grian then joins the Hermits (or rejoins if a later season), but is still before the events of Demise in Season 6.

Demise shares many of the traits of the Last Life Universe, but instead of three lives, a player had one life. Upon dying, the player then had to kill as many of the still alive players as possible. The one hindrance, direct pvp kills we’re not allowed; only traps and natural deaths were allowed.

In our fanmade timeline, Grian had to test the waters one final time, just to make sure his friends in Hermitcraft wouldn’t befell the same fate the rest all forgot from their experiences in Last life.

Please add what else you can think of for this theory below, or correct me if I’m wrong!

Note: if I happened to use anyone’s art in the pictures above, let me know so that I can give them proper credit.

Further note: I do not give permission to MatPat, The Game Theorists, or any channel related to the prior two mentioned individuals permission to use the forgoing information for any content they wish to produce without my explicit permission, of which I have not rendered.

[sakkuratarot]

Astro Notes #2 (ノ°∀°)ノ⌒･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*☆

it’s been a month or two since i’ve done my first post for this. so here’s a number 2 !

Gemini Mercury people are HIGHLYYYY talented writers but they sometimes find it hard to understand instructions because they usually need to know the “why” hahaha they just really hate non sense instructions

People with overloaded personal houses (1st house to 3rd house) focuses so much on how to serve others to the extent of losing themselves. they always think about other people... 

but there are other cases as well who only focuses on themselves at the expense of others... i guess this is where we can know if a person is good or bad person.

moon in 7th house people either date people around a lot or be in a long standing relationship but had extreme ups and downs (by extreme ups and downs i mean breaking up for some petty thing but make up over something that reaches bare minimum lol)

north node in 10th house can indicate a strong fame... doesn’t need to be worldwide fame though,,, probably even just everyone in your community knowing your name.

however, people with south node in the 10th house could mean that their job must be something they put off from their past life and they would like to experience it or finish it in this life... i think this is stronger when south node is tightly conjunct to MC; for example, Thomas Edison himself said that if his project ever fails, he will continue it in his next life and finish it. he’s amazing.

i noticed that people with debilitated placements and/or with hard aspects are usually the people we deem as “successful people.” most famous people have those placements, which (i think) proves that fame isn’t actually a good thing...

chiron in 8th house people either finds it hard to understand spirituality or is sooo into spirituality and the occult stuff... i think it depends on their rising sign if they would be into something like those or not

there were people who ask why taurus risings are not as pretty as libra risings despite being both venusians and i think this is because taurus rules over Venus’ possesiveness and abundance while libra rules the beauty part. 

but don’t feel bad about yourself, taurus rising, because this just mean that you are inevitably rich or will be inevitably rich... you can easily manifest abundance and that’s on that !!! ( i still think yall are pretty as fuck though)

mercurial risings are so cool because mercury treats them very well !!! mercury really blesses these bitches with pretty face and a fruitful mind:

mercury blessed gemini risings with a fairy-looking face WITH great communication skills;

mercury blessed virgo risings with magical feminine elf-like face (no matter the gender e.g. Timothee Chalamet) WITH good work ethic and a sustainable routine . i love mercury <3

anywaaay with all these talks about the rising signs, i’m thinking of putting up a youtube channel just so that i could publish my first video series to be about each rising signs whole vibe and fashion looks and aesthetics... what do you guys think about that? i’m thinking of “dressing up as your rising sign” but i don’t think i have enough clothes to do them... so im thinking of collaborations? hahaha please tell me if you would like to do collab with me uwu

i hope you guys enjoy these !!  ╰( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ

[uvobreakmylegs]

Pretense

got inspired by @ramwrites​‘s Inked piece. in the same story setting but it’s Hisoka’s s/o

Warnings: blood, mentions of death, very slight yandere behavior

The inside of the tattoo parlor was a lot cleaner than the outside, you decided. That's at least one thing it has in it's favor. Although that doesn't change the fact that you really don't want to be here. Especially since the woman in charge of the shop is not only willing to work for the Phantom Troupe, but also goes ahead in branding the significant others of the troupe.

'Branding' had been the way Hisoka described it, and it sounded pretty accurate. When you asked him why Chrollo would go so far to mark the partners of the troupe, Hisoka had answered with “boss just likes to make sure the most prized possessions of the troupe are marked as such. Cements it further for the more.... Resistant ones.”

Hisoka was currently wandering about the room, inspecting the tools next to the chair before looking to the artwork on the walls, softly humming to himself whenever he spotted a design that he liked. You were sitting in the chair at the center of the room, your legs dangling off the side as you waited for the tattoo artist to come back in. Your hands were folded in your lap as you tried to keep your mind from going crazy with scenarios of how this could go wrong. When it came to the Phantom Troupe, you wanted to have as little contact as possible. Being around them scared you, even more than Hisoka could whenever he got into that state where he was particularly unhinged. And while the woman doing the tattoo wasn't a member herself, just the fact that she was in close contact with Chrollo made you more than a little nervous.

On the other hand, Hisoka was relaxed, and almost seemed a bit excited as he came up behind you to rub your shoulders encouragingly. You turned your head to glare at him, but as usual, he smiled back at you, not taking the look you were giving him seriously.

“Alright, where did you want this thing?”

You turned at the sound of the woman's voice as she reentered the room. She sounded tired, and based off the way she grimaced at the sight of Hisoka, she was probably getting flashbacks to when she needed to tattoo the spider onto his back.

Hisoka tapped on a spot just below your shoulder blades.

“She wants it in the same spot as mine so we can match,” he said cheerfully, “isn't that cute?”

Stupid bastard.

“Sure,” she answered dryly before looking at you, “if you could take off your shirt and lay on the chair; I'll get the stencil out and we can see how the placement looks.”

You wordlessly obeyed, pulling your shirt over your head and folding it in your lap. When Hisoka took it to place it elsewhere, you laid on your front, holding on to the top of the chair to try and ground yourself.

You barely felt it when she placed the stencil on top of your bare skin, and Hisoka quickly agreed to the placement.

“All right, easy enough,” the woman said, more to herself than either of you. But she looked back to Hisoka, motioning with her head as she told him “you go back out to the lobby. I'll let you know when we're finished here.”

Hisoka shrugged.

“Alright then.”

A wave of panic hit you, and you struggled to find your voice for a moment.

“W-wait.”

They both looked at you.

“Could... Could he actually stay with me?” you asked.

Hisoka looked amused. The woman looked annoyed.

“Why?” she asked.

“I don't like needles,” you mumbled.

There was a certain level of disgust that she leveled at you in her gaze, and when Hisoka grabbed a chair and pulled it up so he could sit near the spot where your head lay, she asked “seriously?”

“How could I possibly leave her when she needs me?” was Hisoka's response.

“..... Fine. But you,” she said, jabbing a finger at Hisoka, “need to keep your damn mouth shut.”

Hisoka smiled at her.

She huffed as she got her tools ready.

And you lay still, letting out a small sigh of relief.

When you felt her hand press down on your back and heard the buzzing of the tattoo gun, you reached out for his hand, to which he obliged, taking your hand in his and gently rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

It stayed relatively quiet for some time, the only noises you could hear in the parlor being the soft music that played in the background and the constant buzzing of the tattoo gun. The tattoo was slowly taking form on that space on your back, the giant spiderweb with the number 4 in the middle.

She brushed over the areas where the needle had gone in every few seconds, wiping up the blood that came up after.

“This one bleeds a lot,” she grumbled.

“Oh? You aren't feeling nauseous at the sight of a little blood, are you?” Hisoka asked.

She glared at him, probably for breaking his agreement of keeping quiet.

“It can affect the end product if someone bleeds too much and I can't see the stencil because of it.”

“Aren't you a professional?” Hisoka shot back.

“I'm not saying I can't do it,” she snapped back, “it's just annoying.”

“Of course,” he answered, chuckling a little.

The woman chose to ignore him, turning her attention back to you and the design she was etching onto your back. Nothing more was said after that, and you found yourself focusing on the feeling of Hisoka's hand on yours. The callouses on his fingers, the edges of his slightly too-sharp nails that could cut through your skin if he really wanted to, and how his thumb continued to brush over your knuckles. Just that was enough to keep you calm in this situation.

“You need a break?” the woman asked you after a while.

“I'm fine,” you answered.

“Okay. Well, I need one, so let's take five,” she said, putting down the gun, “if you need the restroom, it's out the door and to the right.”

She left the room without so much as a word to Hisoka, who let go of your hand as he stood up and stretched his legs.

“There's a snack machine outside; should I get you something?” he asked you.

“I really don't want to eat anything from this place,” you said.

“Not even something sweet? Might be good for you, lift up your spirits a bit,” he said, rubbing the top of your head.

“I think you deserve a treat.”

You batted his arm away.

“I'm not a goddamn dog,” you grumbled.

He didn't react to the way you pushed his hand off of you other than to laugh a bit. He then turned away and left the room while you laid your head back down. It had been at least a couple of hours, and you hoped there wouldn't be too much left to finish with the tattoo. Too bad it was on your back and you couldn't get a good look at it to determine how far it was from being finished.

The woman came back in just as Hisoka did, the latter of which was holding a small bag of hard candies. They both sat back down, the woman looking over you and seeing that you hadn't moved at all.

“You sure you don't need a break?” she asked.

“I just want this stupid thing over with,” you answered.

You couldn't see it, but you sensed the way her eyebrows raised at your tone and how she looked over to Hisoka. The clown didn't say anything, instead ripping open the candy packaging with one of those sharp nails and popping a few of the sweets into his mouth.

After a few seconds of nothing happening, she seemed to shrug her shoulders and picked the gun back up to continue with her work.

“Didn't think you were so lenient, Hisoka,” she said after a moment, “the previous number four wouldn't have let his partner speak like that.”

Hisoka actually scoffed at that.

“Like I care.”

The woman didn't say anything to that and continued with the inking process. But now your curiosity was piqued, and you tentatively asked her “the other number four had this done, too?”

“Yeah. Can't quite remember what they looked like now, but he was one of the first to get his partner tattooed.”

“What happened to them after he died?” you asked.

“You mean after he-” she glanced to Hisoka- “killed him? Nobody checked up on them and they starved to death.”

You felt your blood chill at that. There were lots of painful ways to die, but starving to death would be such a long, drawn-out process; to just slowly wither away as you grew weaker and weaker as your stomach caved into itself and you lost so much strength you would no longer be able to move. Whatever fate had in store for you for when you died, you hoped it wouldn't be something like that.

Whoever that poor bastard had been, you hoped they didn't suffer for too long.

“Guess I'm not surprised you couldn't be bothered to let them out after you started with the troupe,” she said to Hisoka.

He shrugged.

“I didn't even know they existed until after they were dead. No one told me about this arrangement. Blame the other members who actually knew about the situation before you blame me.”

“You were the one to kill him,” she pointed out.

“If he wanted to keep his place he should have been stronger,” he said, placing another piece of candy into his mouth, “if it mattered that much to you then why didn't you let them out?”

“I'm not paid for that.”

“Ah, of course.”

There was silence after that, and another hour passed. Hisoka decided to entertain himself by slipping pieces of the hard candies past your lips one at a time, his sharp fingernails scratching your lips. You ended up slapping his hand away after a certain point, much to the mild astonishment of the tattoo artist.

“Still can't believe you of all people would allow that,” she said, “other members of the troupe would have been raging.”

“I don't like things that are broken,” Hisoka answered, running a hand through your hair.

“Pets are much more fun when they have a bit of bite.”

She couldn't see the way you glared at him for that comment.

The completion of the tattoo couldn't come fast enough, and it was of great relief to you when she finally pulled back and announced that she was done. She was saying something to Hisoka about how to take care of it to avoid infection, but you didn't pay it much mind, instead grabbing your shirt that Hisoka held out to you and pulling it over your head.

You paused ever so briefly during that, as you felt the sensation of something dripping down your back. You were quick to pull the shirt down the rest of the way, glancing back and finding some relief that she wasn't looking at you.

After receiving payment from Hisoka, you were both practically shooed out of the parlor. Despite her overall calm demeanor, she seemed to have little tolerance for handling Hisoka in large doses and wanted the clown out as soon as possible. It wouldn't have surprised you if he had decided to try and linger a little longer just to see if he could goad more reactions out of her, but he seemed to be just as eager as you were to leave.

The walk back to the hotel you were staying at was done in silence. That uncomfortable sensation was still there, running down your back and making you cringe as you felt like something was collecting above your waist.

The second the door of your hotel room was locked shut, you pulled your shirt off and exposed your back to Hisoka.

“Take it off,” you said.

“Don't you want to see how it looks first?”

“Hisoka, the blood packet is leaking. I can feel it pooling up at the bottom,” you hastily explained, “I want this stupid thing off of me.”

“If you insist,” Hisoka answered.

He reached forward, his nails catching on a particular spot just below your neck, and like peeling off a band-aid, Hisoka peeled off the sheet of texture surprise that he had placed over your back, the thin packet of fake blood he had hidden beneath the fake skin falling to the floor as he did so.

Just as you had said, there had been liquid pooling up at the bottom of the sheet, and when it was pulled away, some of the blood fell both onto the floor and your pants.

“Shit-!”

You immediately went to the bathroom, throwing your shirt to the side as you grabbed a towel off the rack and held it under the faucet. There was a coating of red covering your back, as expected, and you went about trying to clean the liquid off. Unfortunately, it seemed like your pants were permanently ruined. But you preferred that over that woman potentially discovering your ruse.

You managed to wipe the blood off, but you definitely needed a shower. Before doing that, however, you stuck your head out of the bathroom door to see Hisoka sitting on the bed, shuffling through cards as usual.

“I'm going to take a shower,” you told him.

“Just a moment,” he said, setting the cards aside and motioning for you to come closer.

With a sigh, you went to him, climbing onto the bed and allowing him to pull you onto his lap. You glanced at the side table, noting the sheet of nen that had been on your back for the past few hours sitting there. It didn't look like your skin anymore and was back in its normal form of a white sheet, though the ink that had been used was now embedded into it. The tattoo was larger than you had anticipated, and you were grateful you didn't actually need to have that thing permanently inked into your back.

“You'll be able to recreate that whenever you need to?” you asked.

“I do it all the time with mine, don't I?”

“Mm. Although I really have to question if that's going to be necessary. Are you expecting members of the troupe to just randomly lift up my shirt to make sure it's actually there?”

“You wouldn't want to risk a situation where it would be discovered that it wasn't there, now would you,” Hisoka replied.

“Fair enough,” you said with a shrug, “I guess I should just be grateful we went to all this trouble and you didn't just let them put that on me.”

“And allow the troupe to make a permanent mark on what belongs to me? Hardly. If I went so far as to mark you, I'd want my own brand,” he said.

“I don't know if I want that; you'd probably pick something stupid.”

He pouted at you.

“You're always so mean to me whenever we're alone; makes me feel like you don't actually like me.”

“I seem to recall something about pets with bite?”

Hisoka smirked, conceding as he nodded at you. Then, in a move that was somewhat atypical of him, he pulled you in closer until you were resting against his chest. You didn't question it or protest; there was that stupid part of you that genuinely liked the clown, after all.

The oddly quiet moment allowed your mind to wander, and your thoughts went back to what that woman had said about the original number four and his partner and the absolutely miserable way in which that partner had died. You didn't need to fear that same exact death; you were free to go where you liked, so being locked up with no food wouldn't be an issue if Hisoka unexpectedly died. At most you'd get kicked out of that room he had in Heaven's Arena, but that wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen.

The worst thing would be if Hisoka messed up and the troupe came after you because of it.

“You get so quiet whenever you're around the troupe. I think most of them would be shocked if they knew how you usually are,” Hisoka whispered.

It was true. You virtually clung to Hisoka whenever you were forced to meet up with the troupe. He always seemed to enjoy it, and not many of them bothered coming up to you. It was that part of you that worried you would somehow ruin his plans. Somehow, you would manage to let slip something you shouldn't and the truth would be revealed. Better to keep your mouth shut to avoid that scenario entirely and try to blend in with the rest of the significant others with their miserable expressions and occasional broken bones.

“When do you think you'll be able to fight Chrollo?” you asked.

“It's impossible to say. His movements are a mystery to everyone, so I need to wait for an opportunity to present itself.”

He ran those fingernails through your hair.

“So lets keep playing nice until then,” he told you.

“Mm.”

Play along until Hisoka got what he wanted, wait a few months after, and then he'd move on to a new obsession, a new opponent he wanted to fight. It was honestly a pretty miserable situation to be in, and yet you willingly stayed. Although if you did try to leave, you weren't so sure he would let you go so easily.

Hisoka wasn't a good person. And there was definitely something wrong with you for you to stay with him, even as he dragged you into dangerous situations that you'd never be able to survive without his help.

But one Hisoka running amok was better than the other twelve being allowed to continue as they were. At least there would be less people dying.

And still that question simmered in your mind: what would the troupe do to you if they found out Hisoka's true intentions?

You pulled away and he looked back down at you.

“Can I get my shower already?”

[vicious-vixxxen]

Could I request older, pro-hero Deku with a chubby male s/o who gets ridiculed because people don't think someone of his size is good enough for the Number One hero

((Ah I may have gotten a little too deep with this one, so apologies nonnie in advance for the angst. Topics like this relate a lot to me personally. So here ya go.))

Izuku Midoriya x Chubby!Male!Reader

“That’s...such /bullshit/,” You huffed, fist clenched into the folds of the magazine, before flicking it across the kitchen with a huff- tears already stinging at the corner of your eyes as it landed split open- your face plastered over the centerfold article. ‘Is #1 Pro Hero Deku’s Husband /TOO/ big?’ The article practically shouted up at you- big, bold red letters smeared over your face, hiding the smile you’d had that night. You’d managed to secure a spot at one of Izuku’s favorite restaurants- mostly by promising the owner you’d be in and out of there within half an hour- he wasn’t the type to fawn too heavily over Pro Hero work, so ‘Deku’ being your husband didn’t hold much weight with him. But you’d been excellent patrons of his since they’d opened, in your second year of high school together. So you managed with what seniority you held. And seeing as how Izuku had only been able to snag thirty minutes between patrols, it was the perfect opportunity to scarf down a quick bite, and chat in- what you thought had been- the privacy of one of the uppermost floors of the establishment. But of course, sleazy as they were, the paparazzi had found a way to catch the both of you eating. A little too fast, a little too messily, just to be able to enjoy the atmosphere together, and have ample room to chat with one another before Izuku had to get back to his patrols. Which was fine, for Pro Hero Deku- six foot seven inches tall, two hundred and ten pounds of pure, lean machine muscle. The epitome of health and wellness, and what it meant to be strong. Able. And then there was you. A little too soft around the sides, cheeks /too/ plump/. Stomach /too/ pudgy. Thighs /too/ thick. God, you looked like a pig, food smeared on your chin, a bowl between you and your husband. ‘I guess we know where his priorities really lie’ the magazine quoted, from some random asshole on the street no doubt. Jesus Christ. “Bunch of fucking assholes.” You were angry. Of course you were angry. Fists held over your eyes to keep the tears at bay. But you were sad too. So, so fucking sad that this shit kept happening. Izuku’s management tried and failed countless times to keep shit like this from spreading. But people loved a good slam piece, as much as they adored seeing Deku’s latest accomplishments splashed across every newspaper, and TV report. Sick fucks. Whatever. Water under the bridge, you told yourself. Throat feeling tight, eyes burning with unshed tears, as you took a few deep breaths, and headed back towards your bedroom. Turning out lights in the house as you went, before stripping and crawling into bed. Thoughts running a mile a minute, as you stared up at the ceiling in silence. The only real noise the quiet sound of a car or two passing the house every now and again. You couldn’t help the way your open palms slid against your chest. Pressing, and kneading at the soft, pillowy flesh of your sides, and stomach. Grimacing at yourself, you recalled how fit you used to be during your high school days. What a dynamic you and Izuku had. Fresh on the scene after high school, no one could compare to the two of you. Kiri and Katsuki came close, but never quite managed the spark you and Izuku had. Professionally speaking. But Izuku just kept climbing higher, and higher- your quirk was good, but limited in its capabilities, which meant a halt in your hero placement a year or two after graduation. But you did what you could. You helped people because you wanted to help people, ratings be damned. But the harder Izuku worked, the more help he needed managing the world that came with climbing to number one. So you patrolled less and less, in favor of working with his design team on costume upgrades. Merchandise. Izuku trusting you and Inko to work directly with his management team, as he knew you all shared a hive mind of sorts when it came to design, and marketing. Pro Hero life for Deku was saving people. Kissing babies, and countless interviews. It was grueling, and tiresome, and he needed a team behind him to take care of everything else. So that’s what you did. Long hours spent at home alone, working through the night on various Deku projects. Meant less patrols, less gym time. You had no need for those things when you were kept busy with Izuku’s team, and you did good work! Fuck, you did great work, and Izuku praised you nonstop. Sure you’d gained a little weight at first, but it looked good on you. At least you thought so. And so did Izuku, if the way he drooled all over the expanse of your thighs the first time you’d gotten a night alone in nearly a month was any indication.   But as time progressed, you cared a little less about your appearance each day. You took care of yourself, and you were far from unhealthy. But there was no denying you had filled out substantially. You didn’t care, and Izuku didn’t seem to care either...but the media sure did. Closing your eyes suddenly, you took a deep breath. Holding it in for several seconds, before letting it out shakily. Tears finally falling as you did so, and you rolled over to snuggle into Izuku’s side of the bed- face smushed into the other man’s pillow, to breath in the soft scent of his cologne. His musk. Drifting off to sleep sniffling, dreaming of the glory days the two of you held together. Izuku hadn’t planned on coming home tonight at all, it wasn’t in his schedule to. But when he’d taken five to break for a snack, he’d ran into Kirishima at the agency. Chatting quickly, recalling rather suddenly that it had been several days since he’d seen Y/N. Scratching at the nape of his neck awkwardly, hunched over slightly muttering excuses to himself. He may have been big, and strong, but to his friends, Midoriya still held fast to those traits that made him who he was. Even back at UA. One call to Bakugou from Kirishima later, and the two of them were taking Deku’s shift, sending him hurrying home- a smile as bright as the sun on his face as he charged up, and bolted from the agency as fast as he could. Fingers crossed that you weren’t asleep yet. His dreams were dashed, but not unpleasantly so, when he landed outside however, and found all the lights in the house were off. It was late, and he appreciated you getting your rest. Knowing all too well how often you’d stay awake working on things for him. Izuku’s heart overflowed with love for you when he recalled all you did for him. For the both of you. He couldn’t imagine being as cemented in the top spot, as capable of doing what he did, without you there. You and his mother were his whole world, keeping him afloat at even the hardest of times. He...he was nothing, without you. So knowing you were in bed, getting your rest, made him smile. A smile that was soon replaced with a recoiled snarl as he entered the house- beelining to the kitchen for a glass of water, wherein he found the magazine spread out, as though left for him on the kitchen floor. Another one. Another article attacking you. Shaming you. Making fun of you. The kitchen was alight with green sparks as Izuku picked up the magazine, sneering at it when it came clearly into focus, before promptly stomping over and throwing it into the trash. Chest heaving as he sat with the knowledge that you’d probably been worrying over this again all evening. While he was out. Combing the city for villains, while you were here, dealing with...god. Hero suit boots already at the front door, Deku removed his socks as he made his way back to your bedroom quietly- leaving them in the hall- a nasty habit of his he’d never been able to break. Letting himself into your room, his heart breaking at the site before him. He wasn’t sure how long you’d been crying, but it was long enough to leave the salty, humid scent of tears in the air as he entered. And there you were, huddled up with his pillows, breathing softly- face smeared with tears, their tracks glinting back at Izuku as he rounded the bed, and just stood there. Feeling so powerless. Too big. Normally he’d clean up first, but being sure he couldn’t wait one more second, let alone the twenty minutes it would take to shower, Midoriya acted quickly. Removing his Hero suit silently, left in nothing but a pair of fitted boxer briefs- before sliding into bed next to you. Pulling his pillow gently from your grasp, to settle behind his own head, before gathering you up and into his arms. Shifting you almost entirely onto his front, before you stirred. Izuku’s stopped breathing when your eyes fluttered open, and your nose wrinkled- wanting to smile as you noticed the heat beneath you, the strong scent of Izuku’s skin filling your senses. Glancing up at him, your sleep idled mind offered only one clear thought. ‘He’s home’. Try as you might, however, the pressure from earlier in the evening boiled over again- mixing with the overwhelming sense of love you felt at being able to see him. Feel him. Smell him. Just /be/ with him. Everything was still, and quiet, a pin drop could be heard. Until you hiccupped, once, twice, before choking on a sob as you pressed your face flush against Izuku’s chest, and cried. You cried, and cried, and cried. Trying to recall the last time you’d seen him, your sleep clouded mind coming up blank. All you could see was that stupid fucking picture in the magazine. Izuku held firm to you as you cried, eyes shut tight, tears threatening to spill right alongside yours. Old habits die hard, he thought idly. He didn’t shush you, or try and quiet you down. Offer words of encouragement, nor did he berate the magazines, or spew on about how much hell he was going to put them through for this. He simply held you, stroked your back, and kissed the top of your head over and over, as you covered his chest in tears. Finally settling down after a few minutes, and simply breathing together. Your ears pressed against Deku’s wet chest, listening to your husband's heartbeat. Allowing it to calm you. Arms finding their way under Izuku’s body, holding each other now. Tight, almost too much. But neither of you complained. “I love you,” Izuku finally whispered, though it was so full of sentiment- of meaning, almost harshly so, it caught you off guard. “I love you more than the world will ever know, or understand, and I’d drop off the face of the planet tomorrow, and leave them to fend for themselves, if it meant proving to you how wonderfully, beautifully, exquisitely perfect you are to me.” Fucking…”I wanted to /stop/ crying, you fucking jerk,” You laughed wetly, fresh tears spilling down your cheeks as you lifted a hand to swat at the side of Deku’s head- both of you snickering wetly now, as you began to card your fingers through his hair with the same hand. Snuggling impossibly deeper into the man’s chest, as his words rang in your ears. He meant it too, the voice in your head whispered. Your chest tight as you imagined him giving up all he’d ever worked for, just so you’d understand. You never held any doubt that he loved you. As you were, as you had been- however you’d be tomorrow, or the day after. But you struggled a lot, internally. You always had. It would be a struggle you’d live with till the day you died, you were sure of it. But even so, you reasoned, then and there, that if even then, you knew how deeply, and unequivocally Izuku cared for you- loved you. That thing’s would always be okay. No matter what. “I love you too,” you sighed back finally, clearing your throat, and closing your eyes as you felt yourself quickly drifting again. “So so much, ‘zuku.” Peppering Deku’s chest with kisses till you fell asleep, Izuku was sure if his heart swelled any more, it would burst. Waiting till you had fallen back asleep fully, he rolled the two of you over. Caging you into the mattress beneath him, and falling asleep that way. Guarding you even as the two of you slept. Keeping you safe from everyone, and everything.  Midoriya’s only other thought, besides you, before he slipped into unconsciousness, was to call into the agency the next day, because he wasn’t going to going in for a while. ((Really enjoyed writing this one, got me in my feels, and made me feel all warm, imagining Deku holding me at the end of a  long day, when I could care less about feeling good about myself. Thanks for the opportunity nonnie, hope you enjoy.))

[drkcnry67]

This...

Title: this...

Pairing: Jensen x reader

A.f.g.d: "love you? Don't make me laugh!"

A.f.g.f: free space (soulmates)

A.f.g.b: enemies to lovers

Spn fluff: enemies to lovers

Spn kink: hand cuffs

H&H: "it's time you got know how it feels to be betrayed"

Rating: 18+ just to be safe

Tags: possibly some sexual mentions, enemies to lovers, rival families, undercover meet ups, secret exchanges, soulmate countdown on your wrist... think that's all for now...

Summery: nope not telling

"on this the 14th of September 2012, a set of numbers appeared on my wrist, 95 days, 19hours, 17 minutes, 25seconds. today i guess i am gonna have to start preparing myself to meet my soulmate, the person im meant to be with for the rest of my life. i will do this the only way i can, by allowing myself to undertake as much responsibility as possible. today will be good, i promise. signed, YN."

that was your morning journal entry, what you wrote you couldnt believe it yourself. the numbers on your wrist, you needed to hide it for as long as possible.

Your line of work was dangerous, being a crime scene investigator certainly made your job interesting.

But a few months ago you found out that a family of vamps resided in your territory. You were walking home one evening and were jumped by one such vamp little did you know that you both would become romanticly involved.

Jensen: how would you like to be eaten?

You turned over and kneed him in the stomach sending him backward...

Yn: I wouldn't, you wouldn't find my blood very appealing...

You flashed him your eyes... he backed up immediately.

Jensen: your a wolf but how...

Yn: I was born into it... but you, are you apart of that vampire family in the outskirts of the city?

Jensen: yes, but I was wondering, a ell I mean I kinda noticed when I had your arms pinned but that countdown on your arm, it matches mine as well...

You put yours next to his and that was the start of your long nights of secrets...

Yn: well what do we do? I'm sure neither of our families will accept this...

Jensen: we will meet in secret every evening up on the cliff over looking this end of town... meet me there tomorrow night...

That was the start of the months now of sneaking around but now we go to your day job...

You arrived at the crime scene, you put on your gloves and began looking around the crime scene.

Jerry: find anything yet?

Yn: not so far... but I'm not leaving here till I do... please tell me he isn't...

Jerry: oh you mean the transfer from upstate, ya he's here... so get this he claims this was done by and i quote, "one of those super powered freaks." He is coming this way do you want me to stay?

Yn: no I got this, thanks Jerry.

Jerry walks away and your new rival shows up... you groan as your senses kick high and mighty as he speaks up from behind you...

Jay: yn, slacking off again?

Yn: Jay still trying to steal my job?

you were not sure if this guy was trying to mess with you Or if he was Just dumb...

Jay: you know what I was taught in the academy?

You continued to collect evidence, ignoring him... on the other hand your watch had been buzzing constantly for almost 15 minutes...

You knew there was trouble elsewhere in the city. You knew you had to transform but you couldn't... not in the middle of a case...

you collected and sorted all your samples, labeling it by the areas you found them in... you also took photos of the location spots and of the placement numbers. you bid adieu to your captain and you walked toward the furthest bus stop...

once you were away from the crime scene and out of eye shot of your fellow officers. you felt the power surge within you... you walked down the dark path, through the woods.

you threw your bag hard enough and far enough that it would or should land close to your ancestral home. where you then turned to the sky and howled...

letting your guardian know you were home... you were a werewolf... one of great power, one of nobility, the next in line for the throne of your ancestral home in Deshaan...

yn: ugh, time to do my work...

Killian: and what about your lessons milady...

YN: ill do them when i feel like it, look my parents sent me here to Sunshinevil to lead a normal life. to have a chance at happiness... they sent you here to look after me even though im a grown ass woman.

killian just laughed as he threw your mail at you..

killian: someone sent you a letter with no return address again...

you threw him a dirty look as you ran your fingers over the letters spelling out your name on the envelope. you took all your mail and your bag heading into your room you shut and locked the door.

you opened that no return address envelope first. you could almost hear his voice as you read the letter.

Jensen: hey beautiful, im excited for our nightly jog... i hope that you are ready to once more escape into our own world, live the parts of our lives that should have been ours already... we have talked many times about this, are you still willing to run away with me like we have been talking about for months now? Meet me at the usual spot tonight all my love Jensen

You laid back on your bed and felt your heart beat blissfully in your chest. you now went to start your work but you now were being interuppted by many bright flashing lights outside and screaming yelling and familiar footsteps and voices..

you continued to do your work as your door was pulled off... you were not paying much attention till a loud booming voice spoke up from behind you...

Henry: YN my dearest daughter, i have some good news... your mother is back home finishing up all the details but she said i would be better suited to come here and tell you the news in person!

you didnt like the tone his voice jumped too... you were not sure where this was going so you put down the test tube you were holding and stepped away from the table...

now facing your father you felt your anger rising slowly as you waited for him to continue...

yn: tell me what...

henry: your going to marry the son of a rich family from Wrothgar... they want this alliance between our countries as much as your mom and i do...

you started to shift but mid shift you felt yourself stiffle a bit as your father reached out his arms around you stopping the shift entirely...

yn: why would you guys do that to me...

you scream the tears spilling quick from your eyes.

henry: because we are trying to secure the benefit of the kingdom! and for your future and the future of the bloodline.

Helen: now Henry be reasonable, she is a woman she can make her own decisions.

you could feel the shift beginning again, you couldnt help it... till your father snapped his fingers and used his alpha tone to force you to stop all together. the reverse shift was painful but it worked... you wrapped up in a sheet and dismissed your father to leave the room.

Your mother stayed with you to help console you about your father's actions and tone while you got ready to go out.

you put on the dress for your excursions that night and your shoes and redid your hair. Once all good you finished setting up your equipment to scan the evidence you collected at the crime scene.

You then grabbed your bag and headed out the door of your room. Your father and guardian both staring at your appearance and making judgmental faces.

Kilian: off to party again milady?

Yn: always... Kilian keep my father on his leash I don't want him here when I get back... my mother can stay but my father either can sleep in the shed or I guess with my mother but keep him in check.

Kilian: yes milady.

You leave out the front door, your dress changing into a jumpsuit... once a bit away from home you break into a run through the Forrest line.

Yn: hold on my love im coming.

Your voice carried on the wind, Jensen who was waiting at the top of the clif on the moonlit hill all the way out of town far away from your pack and his clan...

Oh ya by the way Jensen whose supposed to be your enemy, is also your vampire lover. Think Romeo and juliet except way way way worse.

Your father's would absolutely declare war if they found out. But you arrived and saw him sitting staring at the moon.

Jensen: you gonna just stand there or you gonna come out and sit with me.

Yn: I am coming im just trying stay under control...

Jensen: what's got you so flustered my love.

Yn: my father and mother showed up... out of the blue and unannounced, he used his alphas touch to stop me mid shift... to force me back to normal. My mother sat with me for a bit till I got up and came here...

Jensen: come here my love you won't hurt me I know you won't.

You took a few more deep breathes and let all the stress flow away as you cleared out of the tree line.

You stood for a few seconds in the moonlight... you walked over to sit on Jensens lap. As you both watched over the town...

Jensen: what did your father say or do to make you start to shift.

You felt the tears sting your eyes again.

Yn: he basically told me that I am all but engaged to this other wolf prince bastard thing and that it's necessary to continue the bloodlines yack yack yack...

You were shaking, but jensens arms were around you holding your hands with his own.

Jensen: I could kill him if you want...

Yn: I wish but he would sooner force me to rip you to shreds... I just wish he would leave me alone. I just wish he like my mother understood about my lack of interest to this arranged marriage custom.

Jensen: so you wish you could lets say marry me for example.

Yn: exactly. And I would marry you in a heart beat... perhaps one day that will be possible but if our families weren't sworn enemies, We would have already been married.

Meanwhile, as you and Jensen were snuggling on the hillside, neither of you were aware that someone or something was watching you.

Over the hills on the outskirts of 2 towns over, King John and Queen Mary were watching you and Jensen through the eyes of one of their spies.

Mary: who is that girl...

John analyzes the photo but then takes out his phone and take a close up shot of your signat ring.

John: guards, follow this girl in the shadows over the next few weeks... but be careful not to be seen. Just watch her and learn about this new love interest of our sons. For it would seem he has been lying to us this entire time.

Mary: whose ring is that John?

John: the family ring from Deshaan she's a werewolf.

Meanwhile, Henry your father was scolding Kilian as he escorted him to the nicest hotel close to the forest.

Henry: what is my daughter hiding?

Kilian: nothing my king she just isn't in the mood for anything from you.

Henry: well just tell me this do you know where she goes every time she walks out that door...

Kilian: no I don't, I'm not one to pry, I also learned very early not to get on her bad side.

Henry: she has a temper?

Kilian: yep but she does receive letters with only her name on the envelope. She receives one almost every single day.

Henry: see if she will tell you or if you can find out who it is... my daughter is getting mysterious mail and partying and sounds like she doesn't care about the throne. Follow her next time she goes out I want to know where she goes.

Kilian: I will try sir! Good night sir.

Henry is left in the nicest hotel suite that side of town. Puzzled as to what exactly his daughter does with her time.

Meanwhile, you and Jensen had started making out but a sound startles you both... this made you both get up and scan the tree line.

Yn: what do we do...

Jensen: jump? It can't hurt... and if we are found it will be much worse than a moonlight swim in the harbor.

Yn: ugh I guess its gonna be a new phone for both of us...

Jensen: there are worse fates... 3...

Yn: 2...

Jensen takes your hand as you both step to face the ledge.

Jensen: 1... jump...

You and jensen while holding eachothers hands take a running leap off the ledge. not turning back to see who or what may have been skulking towards you. (*more about this later*)

anyway you both made it to the beach, the sand sticking to your now very wet bodies. you looked around and felt a strange sense like you both were still being watched.

Jensen: well yn i think tonight has been eventful enough, but i dont want my princess to catch a cold. lets give it some time before we meet again. at least while your dad is in town...

Jensen kisses you again, before he gets pulled back and you get thrown to the ground.

Jensen: fredrick stop... thats enough....

fredrick: forgive me my prince i was simply doing my job in protecting you...

jensen: go my love, ill send word when i can...

you take off into a run breaking the speed barrier before you can hit the treeline. you slunk in through the front door. and you are met with the glare of Kilian

kilian: milady why are you all wet...

yn: i had to escape some vampires that followed me out from the club i was at tonight... so i made it to the beach i threw down some come and get me taunt knowing that those yawhoos wouldnt follow that close to sunrise, so i walked into the water, held my breathe and swam from one side of the island to the other, so i could get away.

kilian: shall i make you some hot chocolate or...

yn: no thanks i think im just gonna go take a nice hot bath and warm up, then finish my work and hit the hay...

kilian bows slightly handing you a fuzzy throw blanket and a large towel.

kilian: then ill lock up for the night milady... good night milady.

You go into your bedroom and shut the door, locking it and your window for the night. You stripped out of your wet garments and ran a nice hot bath... bringing your bath tray, and laptop into the bathroom with you.

Yn(to self): I wonder what today will bring. Ugh I hope Jay isn't gonna be there. That self spoiled pretentious pig...

You Crawled into the bath and out your laptop on the tray and checked your lab results. Finishing your report for work and your other duties as well. Then calling it a night.

Meanwhile Jensen walked through his front door and was instantly met with the disapproval of his parents.

John: JENSEN, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE YOU ARE IN YOUNG MAN...

Jensen: shouldn't you be in bed father.

john: okay listen here you little ingraite... your mother and i have worked for years to train you and to set you up with a very very eligible marriage, so what i would like to know is who that snout faced twit was that you were with tonight?

jensen was now enraged his worst fears now realized... and thats when his father and mother noticed the countdown on his arm.

mary: john settle down... our son is merely checking out the world and experimenting... im sure he didnt know that she was a wolf... did you my son?

jensen knew he had to lie, he didnt like it but he had to do it.

Jensen: mother is right, i didnt know that she was a wolf. if i had i would have torn her to shreds.

john sighed slightly, Mary just glanced over her sons wet appearance and blew him a kiss.

Mary: Jensen my son, retire to your room for the night. you have work tomorrow. living normal is still on the table for you... as long as you never forget who you truly are.

jensen: then that i shall take my leave, mother father...

jensen walked very calmly to his room, his expression changing instantly upon locking the door. breathing in a sigh of relief, as his mind slipped out of real world and into his dreams where he would find you hopefully...

Both of you slept alone in mind and body that night, but one day maybe that would change... you woke up the next morning, got up dressed and packed for work, upon exiting your rooom you run into your dad in the kitchen sitting at the table like a normal person. Your mom was standing washing the counter.

yn: before any of you say anything, just know im late for work and i have nothing else to say to you father... on a different note, good morning mother!

Helen: good morning my sweet girl! I trust that after your bath you slept well!

Yn: of course, it was pleasant!

You grabbed a piece of toast, and started toward the door.

henry: well i was simply gonna say that whatever you are hiding from me, i have my way of learning the truth... most of them unpleasent...

yn: and exactly what are you implying...

you roared dropping your bag...

henry: kilian tells me you have been recieving secret love letters... i want to know who they are from, and when this little shenanigan started and i want to be there when you kill him and complete your link to the alpha's throne.

yn: i have mentioned this numerous times, ill do things in my own time and it is none of your god damn business who i choose to be with... so cancel this arrangement cause i will not keep to it, i will not go through with it, and i have no desire at this time to spend another moment in this cottage today. ill spend the night at the station, at least there i can count on civil conversation and no one lurking over my future plans. so good bye ill see you guys when i see you... on a more pleasant note bye mom I'll see you later!

you picked up your bag and walked out the door slamming it as you went. kilian and your dad didnt say much after that...

You arrived at the station still in a huff, you walked in and breathed in the smell of coffee and donuts...

Jerry: what's got you all in a huff this morning?

Yn: my father's in town, the jerk wad I told you about... the one who tried to sell me off to some rich pompous dick so he could keep his power.

Jerry: oh shit... I gather you will be pulling an all nighter here...

Yn: yep, would you like to have the briefing now or later and can we do it in the lab I need to work on whatever there is...

Jerry follows you to the lab, that's when a call comes through the wire...

Jerry: saddle up YN we got another weird one...

Yn: weird how?

Jerry looks around to make sure no one else is in ear shot...

Jerry: one of the bodies was torn to shreds almost as though like a wild dog or something larger tore through him like a sack of dirty laundry, while the other body, completely devoid of blood, puncture wounds to the neck, Jay stumbled upon them this morning... that's who called it in...

You were pretty sure you had steam coming out your ears, you were so mad you didn't want to loose out on this case to Jay...

Yn: what are we sitting around for? Let's go...

Jerry: look I know you can do an excellent job at this but you need to calm down before you can leave the office your eyes are red...

You pulled out your mirror and took a look for yourself...

Yn: first of all its blood orange, cross between red and gold and second your right I know your right...

Jerry watched as you brought out your claws and slashed your forearm, he watched you shriek as the pain caused you to shift back to normal...

Yn: damn can you hand me the gauze that I keep over on the desk... your the one whose gonna wrap this and then help me put my sweater back on so we can go...

Jerry carefully grabbed the gauze and the tape and put some antiseptic on your arm before he wrapped it...

Jerry: why would you harm yourself?

Yn: it was the only way to get myself under control quickly. I wish there had been an easier way but I'll be fine in a few days... werewolf healing takes longer when it's self inflicted.

Jerry: makes sense. Alright let's get you up and let's get to this crime scene. I've told the officers to not let the csi on scene till I get there with you so you can have an equal opportunity to collect your samples and do your thing.

You winced trying to use your arm to get off the table but you were not completely ready for that yet...

Yn: Jerry get me off this table we cannot give that weasel any satisfaction... not a word of my injury.

You felt jerry take your good arm and help you off the table. Jerry carried your bag and walked with you out the back entrance to the cruiser lot.

Jerry drove and allowed you to relax as you both arrived on scene. It was like foggy, and unusual unsettling feeling as you and Jerry got out of the car.

Yn: i don't like this...

Jerry: I'll follow your lead but we should have run into someone by now...

Yn: shit Jerry get back to the car now... go..

Jerry goes back wards watching your back as you go further into the fog and thats when you got jumped.

You threw the vamp off of you and you recognized him it was one of the ones from the night before.

Justin: oh goodie look what I found, the wolf bitch whose been seducing our prince perfect you are coming with me either consciously or not. My king and queen would like several words with you... and to use you to well teach their son a lesson.

Yn: in your dreams pal, im not going anywhere with you.

Justin: oh yes you are...

Justin lunged at you, his full weight now holding you in a choke hold. You Sunk your teeth into his arm and in return he knocked you out.

When the fog cleared the knocked out officers were on the ground but you were gone. Jerry went to help the officers off the ground but was sure you could handle yourself.

Meanwhile you began to stir waking up next too a growing patch of very very potent wolfsbane. You tried to move away from it but your body still felt funky from being knocked out.

Yn: ugh what happened to me...

Justin peaks into the cell which holds you and yells...

Justin: guards drag this bitch to the dinning hall, throw her down before the king and queen and the young prince. We don't want her to miss the show.

You were dragged out of the cell, cross the stone cold floor and down a set of stairs to a giant set of doors. The next words you hear are ones that shock you.

Guard: your majesties the entertainment has arrived.

John: nobles of the court a transgression shall be righted here tonight for just outside the door is a beast, one that howls by the light of a full moon, one who has seduced our son. Bring her in, leave the handcuffs on her, I don't want her to break free...

You were dragged into the room and thrown down on the ground the gasps across the room were as loud as the sound of your name falling from the lips of Jensen who was more shocked to see you in chains on the floor.

Jensen: father what is the meaning of this...

John: your punishment is to beat this girl and break the seduction she has put upon you my son.

Jensen: what the fuck? Have you lost your fucking marbles father? That is absurd she did nothing of the sort... it was my idea, I was baiting her to find out what she knows about the wolf royals...

You snarled at Jensen watching his expression turn sour and angry... you were pissed..

Yn: you traitor why would you play with my heart like that after I poured my heart out to you, after I gave you all of me, we were gonna run away together, i thought you loved me...

Jensen: love you, ha don't make me laugh? Get it through your head bitch it was all an act to gain your trust... now I'm gonna torture you and prove my worth to the court.

Jensen grabbed a bat that has been wrapped in wolfsbane... Jensen then proceeds to swing at you. Each hit making you scream in discomfort.

After 30 strikes your blood splattered across the floor, Jensen turns to the court as you struggle to get up...

Jensen: well now it's just getting fun, guards open the moon roof, lets watch this bitch break further as I strike her down.

Your struggle to get out of the way is useless as the roof is opened and your body starts reacting to the moonlight...

Yn: please Jensen let me go, please I won't survive the change if this continues...

Jensen: no, not this time little bitch...

You scream again indicatingthe change beginning, first your spine begins shifting breaking and cracking, your screams slowly turn to growls and roars.

Your voice comes out as a howl in the next moment as your bones continue to break.

Jensen: look at her, she is gonna be dead soon lets see if we can shake up the fun, boys the spears...

In seconds you are flanked and spears dipped in wolfsbane are pierced into your sides. Multiple times.

Jensen and the court just laugh, you stop mid shift. It's got you fuming but you manage to push through the pain, your claws scraped against the floor leaving marks...

You managed to get to one knee feeling the wolfsbane burning inside you but you fought the pain.

You heard the sound of the boots that Jensen wore approaching you as he lifted up the bat and was bringing it down on you you reached up and caught the bat pushing it away from you as you stood up fully.

John: impossible...

Yn: no not impossible especially when my family has just arrived.

John and the courts attention is drawn to the doorway which is now hosting your father and Killian standing there staring at the room.

Henry: John, I can't believe you... sending a boy to torture an innocent girl, my daughter of all things... have you forgotten the treaty...

John: I have not Henry... I was merely teaching a lesson... though it seems there was no need for my son could never ever have true feelings towards a beast..

Helen and Mary both exchange long glances not listening to anything other than the sounds of their own words.

Helen: it seems like our husband's are at it again.

Mary: it would seem so but our children seem to have quite the attraction to eachother as well...

Helen: im sure all will be revealed in a few short minutes

Mary and Helen realized that their children's marks showed the same time... while you were still being beaten...

You were trying to block out the stings of the wolfsbane, as then jensens voice came into your head loud and clear as a bell..

Jensen: lets show them what we have... let's show them our ways... plus the time on our arms is about to expire... we need to stall for 5 more minutes.

All you could do was smirk... as you run up behind your father and hold your claws at his throat...

Yn: listen and listen good all of you... we arranged this... for you see our bond is deeper than anything a mere treaty could do...

Jensen: my love for yn is greater than my love for my species... we have a way to become hybrids this way we don't have to be at war... and we can procreate. The bloodlines will continue just not by anyone you guys choose.

You lean in to whisper at your father's ear...

Yn: listen to what we have to say father do not use your temper to solve these issues... listen to us please. If you ever loved me at all you will listen.

You walk towards Jensen as the countdown expires and a binding chain wraps around you and Jensen.

The entire room is awestruck. They didn't know what kind of sorcery this was...

Henry: holy shit...

Killian: oh my God...

John: sorcery...

Mary: yay, I get a daughter...

Helen: yay, I get a son!

John and Henry were now fuming and pissed off... in seconds guards were surrounding you and Jensen...

Yn: Jensen let's show them what love really means...

Jensen: Do you have it?

You pull out 2 viles from your boob crevice... you hand 1 to jensen... both of you popping off the lids and downing them in seconds you both hold hands and feel the liquid coursing through your veins.

You both fall to the ground, minutes pass as John and Henry are now preparing to engage in combat. But fate had another idea.

For your body began to convulse and you sat straight shot up. Jensens body began to break every bone he began to shift... well it would be a partial shift it was still a shift.

You began to see things differently, you pulled down one of the nearby guards and fed from his neck draining him of blood.

You felt so much better. Jensen sat up and looked at his new form, then looked at you in your new form.

Jensen: my love, how do you feel?

Yn: how do I feel, I feel fantastic, how do you feel?

Jensen: fantastic. Shall we stop our fathers from fighting...

Yn: hmm I dunno I think they both need lessons on what the new order is to the food chain. Who the most dangerous predators actually are.

You and jensen take your father's by the throats and lift them in the air.

Yn: look we don't want to kill you, but how does it feel...

Jensen: to know that your children who you both claim to love so much are soulmates and now more powerful than even you.

John: you both have betrayed us...

At that point you both drop your father's on the ground to allow them to breathe and speak.

Henry and John exchange glances and neither you not Jensen have noticed for neither of you are paying attention.

Mary: John stand down!

Helen: Henry that's enough!

You and jensen turned your attentions to your mom's as they stand side by side facing you, your father's and the court.

Mary: our children are soulmates

Helen: they're bound together and as such now are our 2 houses. If you both continue to resist this

Mary: we will have no choice but to lock you both up for the rest of your days, or at least till the executioners get here...

Helen: or do we betray them like they are ready to betray us...

Yn: wait mother...

You look at Jensen who nods and you proceed to explain yourself.

Yn: mom, queen Mary if I may... we actually have a confession to make. We had done this months ago, but we were scared if you guys found out we would have been exiled or worse. So we hid the truth with cloaking serum.

Jensen: the vile we drank tonight de cloaked us and made us who we have become. We knew that if something good was gonna happen we were gonna end up together one way or another.

Mary and Helen looked at you guys and ordered the guards to bring your father's to kneel before the both of you...

Mary: John, Henry look at your children, tell me and Helen that you guys don't still see them as the strong minded and willed children you both helped to raise. Tell us that these 2 children standing before you are not those children and we will have you both exiled. If you guys say these are still your children we will let them decide your fates...

Helen: the choice is yours gentlemen, but we would hurry if we were you, are you guys ready with your choices?

John: this is an outrage! Mary, Jensen you both have betrayed me, us, our family, our clan! It is now only fit that I exile you both from this kingdom!

Mary: if that's how you feel John then fine! I have already made plans for a case such as this anyway...

Jensen: fine, you don't have to pretend any further that we are family cause we are now not family, we are far from it.

John struggled against the grip of the guards, as Henry now spoke as harsh and as vile as John did...

Henry: alright I have a few things to say, #1 Helen my love you have been by my side through everything but you have fallen behind in the times. You are blinded by our daughters misdeeds... by this insubordination that our child has committed, she betrayed the pack, the kingdom and our teachings. Which brings me to point #2 yn my child you are my only heir, you had chosen your own path when you left the kingdom to pursue a normal life. I'm not as vain as John is right now but I don't want to cause any more of a ruckus as it is now. I Henry renounce my crown to my daughter I name her queen and leader of the pack, she is an alpha in her own right, she was born an alpha and now wears the crown. Now I Henry also request to live in this new kingdom if you will allow this...

Your mother and you looked shocked as your eyes flashed to blood shot red and you let out an uncontrolled alphas roar. Once you got your voice back you spoke.

Yn: dearest father for renouncing your title and basically apologizing you can live in this new kingdom but under 1 condition... you never ever do something so foolish again.

Henry: of course my alpha. Helen my darling wife I apologize wholly for how stubborn and pig headed I became about yn's love life how vain I got, how angry I was a few moments ago and I promise you that for the rest of eternity I'll spend it making it up to you. If you'll have me.

You move to allow your mother to approach your father. You watch your mother and your father share a moment of passion.

But everything and everyone are interrupted by a loud roar from John.

John: this is ridiculous! You are all fools! Our children are abominations and you guys are all choosing to accept them!

Mary: John stand down or we will make you.

Mary, Helen and Henry now between you, Jensen and John!

John: Mary you would dare to stand against me... why Mary why would you side with those who dare to change the natural order.

Mary: cause I've seen the light I've seen what kind of man you truly are I know what kind of man you are... now I let my son speak cause you are no longer my husband no longer my king.

John's rage shon through, John now shifted full vampire.

John: Mary you defy me, you deny me, you reject me. Fine I don't need you I don't need any of you. In fact I'm gonna kill you, your son his half wit brat and her half wit parentals as well.

Yn: Jensen deal with him in such a way that justice will reign Supreme, actually guards put him on the rack!

The guards rolled in a rack usually used to torture prisoners, but in this case it would adhere to a different purpose.

Jensen: ah good thinking babe, attention everyone, what you are about to see is our new kind of justice, those that oppose us will be strapped to a rack and then made into a hybrid like us and forced to stay that way as they desicat in a cell from which they have no means of escape for all eternity.

John: why you insolent brats, I don't accept this, I'm the king, you cannot do this to me!

Jensen roars and steps to stand beside his father.

John: I don't know what changed in your being to think that anything like this would have been okay in the first place. But you stopped being my son a long time ago.

Jensen: I was never your son, I was just some bargaining chip to use whenever you wanted.

Jensen received the extra vile of change formula from you and became as content as rain when he saw the glint of fear in John's eyes.

The guards forced John's mouth to stay open as the viles contents were poured in.

Jensen: now it's time you know how it feels to be betrayed, father... as your body starts to accept the formula you will start to loose consciousness and then your bones will break and then you may or may not black out as well. Either way guards put him on a one way boat trip to the prison in the southern isles and make sure he is secure wouldn't want him escaping.

The guards do just that, and after a few moments of John leaving the room his screams of pain echo through the entire castle.

Jensen: yn, you are the love of my life, the fire in my soul and I wouldn't be who I am without you. I look forward to uniting our 2 kingdoms merging them so that we all may live in peace and harmony!

The crowd cheered, it was the dawn of a new Era in which werewolves and vampires would never again be at war with one another.

While you and Jensen lived happily ever after well for now at least.

~ that's all for now folks~

[paper-cuts-and-fresh-bruises]

So I held off posting anything because I really needed to compile my thoughts first and what I’ve concluded is um......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH LOOK AT IT, LOOK AT THEM, IT’S HAPPENING, MY HEART, I SQUEALED WHEN I FIRST SAW IT, I’M SO GIDDY

This was literally me when I saw it:

Okay but for real, we love this. And with the twist at the end of 2x17, everything has been written immaculately and honestly I’m just so impressed with this show that they went that deep, they’ve really taken due care with the creation of the show in each and every detail. Just when I thought it couldn’t get better it did, and I’ll be honest I was getting worried when in regards to the Nace content slowing down but now I realise that not only was it deliberate but they were saving up for this (at least that’s how I see it).

Now one of the biggest questions on our minds as Nace shippers has obviously been as to whether or not this moment is going to be, as I’ll say, “real” but I’m gonna say that we shouldn’t worry either way as to whether this will be in Nancy’s mind or a real moment between her and Ace. Now, putting aside all complications for now in relation to Amanda and the as ever annoying Gil, as far as I see it it’s real either way; if this happens in Nancy’s mind then it means she’s finally all in on how she feels and it will be a real moment for herself, accepting what it is she feels for Ace, and if this is for real outside of her mind (which btw I would absolutely die of joy) then they’re both finally on the same page and they both take on the responsibility of navigating what they’ve been dancing around and what they feel goddammit. 

I’ve got so many theories of what might lead up to this scene that we’re gonna get, because make no mistake they will kiss and it will be epic, but that’s for me to obsess over, besides words can’t do it justice right now. As far as what I’d like to see for them when they enter a proper relationship together, and yes I say when because there are no if’s at this point, and not to mention they’re definitely endgame; like how they’ve been slow burn, I want things to be subtle, little moments, very gradual, maintaining they’re investigative duo thing, maybe even not really telling anybody they’re together, having little nods with them holding hands and other stuff like that, and if you thought personal space was a thing of the past before then you won’t even remember it when they’re a thing. Oh Oh and maybe even having reminiscing moments where they remember times from past sleuthing’s to investigate or something, looking at each other with an affectionate gaze in their eyes even just for a split second, maybe even a “that’s when I knew I liked you” moment, or Nancy actually cuts her hand this time and Ace fixes her up, little touches that linger. Oh dear, see just like that I’m spiralling but anyways, yeah you get the gist, the list goes on. Small ones before big ones, and maybe the the odd big moment between the little ones at times of importance, yada yada.

Also, don’t think for one moment that in 2x18 it’s going to be without scenes of Ace being in fear of Nancy’s life, as this image below shows:

And if we look closer:

See me with them hands, because there’s no way he’s holding her like that if he’s not a) scared as hell for her or b) got feelings for her. That’s not just a supportive set of hand placements, that’s a “don’t you dare take her” and “I can’t lose her” kind of set of hands placements, specifically full on affectionate hand holding and hand on arm placement. You could say I’m reaching but I’m really not, this pic could easily have had everyone holding her or close in some way, but they chose just to have Ace doing this? that’s PLANNED. Which means that whilst Nancy’s coming to terms with what Ace means to her, Ace is definitely doing the same. Ace will definitely have his moments, looking at Nancy and most likely coming to some serious terms about what he feels. Even though they’re not necessarily, and most likely not, going to be boyfriend and girlfriend at the start of season 3, it’s end up like that at least, I’m sure.

Also on a quick note I was looking at this promo pic:

Nancy’s wrist is straight up cut wide open, and from the lack of blood the Wraith must really be doing a number on her at this point if it weren’t already apparent from the otherwise zombie-fied appearance she’s got going on.

Also this:

I bet they’re looking at Nancy, and from what I can tell the room matches up with the one in the previous pic, I’m guessing whatever contraption that box with the vials and stuff on it is has something to do with it or something.

Anyways, to say I’m excited would be an understatement. As much as I don’t want the season to be over yet, we’re definitely getting a feast, and with season 3 being a given I think we can handle it. Aside from the rising of Nace, Nancy Drew has and continues to be the one to raise the bar with every aspect, certainly I will remain intrigued with how they’ll progress everything going forward with everyone. Also, it’s most likely that season 3 will come sooner rather than later, at the earliest from what I’ve read it’ll likely be towards the latter end of this year that it’ll premier and at the latest is early next year. I mean any wait is torturous, but under the circumstances I think we’ll manage. Also, Nancy Drew is being moved to Fridays for next season so put that in your diaries, we are not letting this show go.

That’s my 2 cents anyways, anything any of you guys wanna add please do. What I’ll say for now is I am LIVING for this show, can’t wait to see what’s next. Keep up the good work! (oh and to all the haters of Nace in particular, keep it coming because in case you hadn’t noticed we’re winning and it just makes sense, I don’t need to explain to you why they’re perfect together, anything I say that’s for me and the rest of us to enjoy, I’m not doing it for you)

[jemej3m]

Aaron takes the mental health course part of pre med (is that a thing?) and starts recognizing Andrew grounding himself, having an episode, etc

bruhhhhh 

bruuhhh

*

Aaron winced as his son sprinted for the door, yelling the whole way. The twins knew that their uncle was coming to visit and were absolutely ecstatic about it. A well-known fact amongst the old Foxes and their children was that Andrew was very, very good with kids. 

Well, Aaron conceded. Andrew wasn’t good with them. He just didn’t even have to try: they loved him right off the bat. And barring the slight furrow in his brows whenever one of Aaron’s twins or Kevin’s spawn whined ‘please!’, he didn’t seem to mind being around them, either. 

His son was jumping for the doorhandle excitedly, so Aaron put his hand atop of his head and stilled him before swinging the door open. 

Andrew was much the same. They were aging the same way, albeit the slight muscular composition difference. Andrew’s teeth were a little more yellow, though he’d given up smoking a few years ago, and Aaron had reading glasses tucked into the collar of his shirt. Other than that, they were just as similar as they always had been. 

“Hey,” Aaron said, but his son was already yelling and jumping and tugging on Andrew’s hand. Andrew’s lips nearly twitched into a smile. Nearly. 

Once his bags were deposited and shoes tucked into a corner, Katelyn handed him a mug of cocoa and they all sat on the couch as the kids regaled their uncle with stories of preschool and their neighbour’s new dog and how Dad had found them in the bathroom with craft scissors, which was why Aaron’s son had such a short haircut now. 

Katelyn got them settled for bed soon after: Andrew had arrived relatively late in the evening, just in time for ‘adult dinner’. 

“How was the flight?” Aaron asked, taking a dish of potatoes out of the oven. 

Andrew hummed into his glass of wine. “Miserable.” 

Aaron had known for quite a while Andrew’s deliberating fear of heights, ever since the Foxes had taken a reunion trip to Hawaii a few years ago. When his wife hustled back into the kitchen, Andrew nodded at her and she smiled back. Aaron felt something odd in his chest. Andrew had been very tolerant of Katelyn lately. He assumed it was the kids’ doing. 

They ate dinner quietly. Katelyn chattered about the kids, and their medical placements. Andrew asked about their specialties. 

Aaron stared at the plate. Katelyn nudged his shoulder. 

“Right.” He glanced up. “I’m not sure. What I want to choose, that is. It’s between surgery or psychiatry.” 

Andrew hummed. “Psychiatry.” 

Aaron shrugged. He’d done a lot of mental health work throughout his postgraduate degree. It just seemed to make sense that he’d go into that field. It takes one to know one, and all that. “What do you think?”

Andrew just arched an eyebrow. “Does it matter?”

“Well, yes,” Aaron said, tone a little frigid. Drake’s trial had been a public debacle, but it was Dr Richmond Proust that Aaron couldn’t get out of his head. It was during their fourth year when the news had come on about a psychiatrist at Easthaven being exposed for forceful sexual conduct with patients. Andrew hadn’t spoken to anyone but Neil for a week, and then disappeared for another two when Waterhouse asked him to stand witness to Proust’s trial. 

“Psychiatry is glorified drug dealing,” Andrew decided, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his fork. He paused, then shrugged. “Could probably do with a bit of Minyard fuckery, though.”

Aaron was finally able to read Andrew’s subtext though: that was the biggest compliment he’d ever get. Unable to bite down a smile, he said “I thought so, too.” 

His brother simply hummed. 

The rest of dinner passed quietly. Andrew had three of Katelyn’s triple fudge brownies and sent a photo of them to Kevin, just to piss him off. The evening slowed down with a nightcap in front of the news, Katelyn heading to bed early. She’d agreed to take the kids to their daycare in Aaron’s stead so that he could have breakfast with his brother alone.

Aaron was just about to turn in for the night when Andrew’s phone rang. Andrew squinted at the unknown number, mouth turned down: he could remember everyone’s phone numbers, and this was clearly one he didn’t recognise.  

He rose the phone to his ear. The slight frown disappeared and transformed into a blank stare, something far deadlier. Aaron hadn’t seen him wear it since college. 

“When,” Andrew snapped, gripping the phone so hard Aaron thought it would break. The voice continued. “And you only thought to call me now? I’m his next-of-kin.” Aaron froze. 

Eventually, Andrew hung up, holding the phone midair as his eyes glossed over. 

“Andrew?” 

“Neil got in a head-on collision,” he mumbled. 

“Dead?”

“Unstable.” 

“I’ll book you a flight.”

Andrew wasn’t moving. When Aaron saw a flush rise in his cheeks, he realised Andrew wasn’t breathing, either. Shit. Shit. His brother was having a fucking meltdown. Goddammit, next time Aaron saw Neil he was going to strangle him. 

He got off the couch and crouched down in front of Andrew, careful not to touch him. “Andrew.”

Andrew didn’t move. 

“Hey, Andrew.” Aaron stood up a little more so that they were eye level. “Andrew, you need to breathe. Okay? If you’re going to go make sure Neil’s okay, I need you to breathe.” 

Andrew finally looked at him. He was angry. Terrified. Aaron couldn’t really tell: his gaze was like looking into a void, pupils blown wide. 

Calming someone down was a lot simpler when Aaron didn’t know them. This was like walking a tightrope of barbed wire over an alligator-infested pit. 

“Can I have your phone? I’m going to book you a flight. Okay? Nod if you can hear me.”

Andrew nodded but didn’t relinquish the phone. Aaron grit his teeth. 

“Andrew. It’s going to be okay. He’s unstable, but he’ll make it. He’s always made it. He’s impossible to kill, right?” 

“I hate him,” Andrew mumbled. 

“I know. Can I use your phone?” 

Andrew dropped the phone into Aaron’s hand and dropped his head into his hands, utterly still. His breathing went all ragged and choppy. 

There was a springy voice on the other end of the line. “Hello, this is the service desk for Terminal 1 domestic, how can I -?”

“I need a flight for Denver as soon as you can,” Aaron snapped. “It’s an emergency. When’s the next available one? I’m willing to pay whatever’s necessary.” 

“Oh,” the woman sputtered. “Um, there’s a red-eye leaving in an hour, but there’s only first-class left - ”

“That’s fine. Please book it for Andrew Minyard. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” 

“Sir, I really can’t - wait, Andrew Minyard? Seriously?”

“Dead serious.” 

“Alright,” she allowed. “Okay. If you can make it to this desk in 25 minutes, I’ll have a seat for you, Mr Minyard.”

Aaron hung up. “Andrew, we need to go.” 

Andrew’s breathing sped up, fingers digging into his hair and pulling hard enough to rip it out. Aaron’s chest began to ache, watching as the sleeves of his shirt fell down to reveal the black armbands, still everpresent after all these years. 

“Hey,” he said, keeping his voice gentle. “Are you with me, Andrew?”

Andrew glanced up slightly, glaring at Aaron’s collarbone. 

“All you need to do is breathe. Neil is okay. He’s going to be okay. You’ll see him soon, alright?” 

Aaron tapped his hand gently on his knee, palm down for four counts, then holding his fist closed for eight counts, then palm up for four counts. Andrew slowly began to breathe in time with his hand, chest heaving as he inhaled through his teeth. 

It took a while, but Aaron watched him slowly come back to his senses. His hands slipped over his eyes once his breathing was steady, kneading at his temples. 

“I’ll drive you to the airport,” Aaron said. 

“Okay,” Andrew rasped. 

*

“Babe,” Katelyn whispered. “Your phone is going off.”  

Aaron blinked his eyes open, glaring at the ceiling. Why’d he been up so late? 

Oh. Right. 

He blindly reached out for his phone. 

Most of it was the Foxes going mad, but there in the midst of chaos, was Andrew’s number. 

he’s going to be ok. thank you.

Aaron sighed, oddly relieved. He didn’t like Neil Josten one bit, but it would’ve been a slight hiccup if he’d died. 

good, he said, texting blindly without his glasses. don’t mention it.

trust me, his brother texted back. I won’t.

*

nawww twinyards!

[chalkrevelations]

SO. Back to the beginning, Episode 1 of Word of Honor. This is likely to be a little bit different experience than the prior posts, when I was watching the eps as they aired, compared to now approaching the show as whole and complete. May be rummaging around for things I missed the first time through, stuff that takes on new meaning set in additional context – we’ll see how it goes.

With that in mind, spoilers for not just this ep but possibly for the entire series. Get out of the car now and come back later, if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch it unspoiled.

First thing to strike me, right up front: You know, I think we tend to lose sight in later parts of the show – when we’re getting Laopo!Zhou Zishu pouting so he doesn’t have to cook dinner - how terrifying ZZS is in his own right (and by “we,” I actually mean the show, too). One of the things the first few episodes gets right, I think, is the sense of eerie inevitability and dread created by both the falling lanterns of Tian Chuang and the blowing paper figures of the Ghost Valley, and how similar they are. I think it’s easy to lose that - when the lanterns and the paper figures are gone and our charming and adorable couple are busy being charming and adorable at each other, in between varying rounds of being wracked by guilt and PTSD – easy to lose that this is there too, part of them – both of them - under the skin. I think it’s particularly easy to lose that for ZZS, when he’s already done a lot of work, off-screen, pre-Episode 1, during the 18 months he was putting in those first six Nails, to come to some kind of equilibrium, and meanwhile we watch Wen Kexing’s entire torturous process play out on-screen. Wen Kexing’s story is one of reaching an equilibrium, but Zhou Zishu’s story is one of maintaining it, which I think may be less showy, but is equally valuable, just as I value the Four Seasons Manor arc, especially, for giving us a vibe of two adults comfortable in an already intimate relationship, as opposed to the veritable sea of will-they-won’t-they tug-of-war coming-together-for-the-first-time-as-emotional-AND-plot climax relationships that we’re usually awash in.

Anyway, straight up we’re introduced to an assassin who, we discover, doesn’t like to get blood on himself. It looks like metaphorical blood is fine, just not actual blood, but then we discover, well, maybe he’s not as OK with metaphorical blood as he schools himself to look. Also that conversation with Li Jingan about her dad having to die because he’s a traitor to the country – I now wonder how much of that particular conversation Zhou Zishu mentally brings to the table in later conversations about his own father being executed for the same reason. Also, wait wait wait. Zhou Zishu tells Jingan that he took Jiuxiao’s body back to Four Seasons Manor and buried him next to their shifu, but I don’t remember seeing another grave there, other than Qin Huaizhang’s and his wife’s. Script inconsistency, or are you supposed to be lying, ZZS? I mean, would you be so downcast at the state of Four Seasons Manor when you arrive with your husband and son for your honeymoon, if you’d actually been there only a couple of years before? It didn’t fall to pieces overnight. Also, HAIRPIN FORESHADOWING ALERT. Our first sign of how important the hairpin is, the way ZZS’s impassive face cracks wide open when he sees the hairpin that Jiuxiao made and realizes he must have given it to Jingan. Clearly important!

Mmm. Here’s a point for the “Prince Jin is a f’kn asshole” list – Prince Jin wants ZZS to deal with Bi Changfeng personally when Bi Changfeng requests to leave Tian Chuang. And OK, ZZS is the leader of Tian Chuang. But you’re never going to convince me Prince Jin wants ZZS to deal with it personally because Prince Jin is actually so very furious that Bi Changfeng made a mistake. You will never convince me this isn’t a … it’s not even a test of loyalty, at this point, because Prince Jin has no reason to think yet that ZZS is anything other than the faithful hunting dog on a leash that he’s been, lo, these many years. Putting ZZS in a position where not only is he losing the last of the direct disciples of Four Seasons Manor, but he’s being asked to (as good as) kill him with his own hands - it’s just cruelty for the proof of your power and influence over someone. Also, given Prince Jin’s later diatribe about how everyone leaves him OMG (have you considered it’s your personality?) (But also Beiyuan! I know who you are now, and yeah, I would have let Wu Xi bride-kidnap me away from this jerk, too), I have to wonder if Prince Jin isn’t trying to make ZZS feel exactly as isolated as he, himself, feels, as part of his overall desire to make sure that ZZS has no one other than Prince Jin so that their positions are parallel – only having each other in the whole world. I also have to wonder if he’s not hoping for precisely the reaction ZZS has to Bi Changfeng – you’d rather be dead than be with me? Because that hurts, you can see it on ZZS’s face (thanks already, Zhang Zhehan), and I rather suspect Prince Jin wants it to hurt. I notice we get an echo of this later in the ep, with Prince Jin saying pretty much the same thing when ZZS asks for the final Nail. GOOD. I hope it hurts you just as much. I wonder if ZZS realizes this while he’s kneeling there in the throne room. It’s probably too late for him to get any satisfaction out of it.

OH, HEY. That’s HAN YING already, one of the two people accompanying ZZS to put down Bi Changfeng, looking super-pained like he knows what this is all costing his beloved. Han Ying, I really hope you got to tap that at least a few times before ZZS made his break for it. Is that one of the reasons Prince Jin seems to have such antipathy for you, or is it really just that he can’t stand the idea of someone whose loyalty to ZZS is greater than their loyalty to Prince Jin, himself? (Seriously, y’all, why is there not much much more Han Ying/ZZS fic?) Meanwhile Duan Pengju, omg, this asshole, is already looking smug and punchable. Really, he’s kind of enjoying the Seven Nails placement a little too much. Showing your hand pretty fast on the petty evil thing, show.

So, one thing I didn’t catch the first time around, is that ZZS isn’t just self-injuring to punish himself when he takes the knife to his chest – he re-opens wounds on all the places where the first six Nails have already been placed, so it will look like the placement is fresh. If you can’t tell he hasn’t just put them in, there’s no reason for anyone else (read: Prince Jin) to suspect he’s bought himself some time before he loses his senses. As far as anyone knows, he’s going to fall over with locked-in syndrome any day now. Which just makes the implications of Prince Jin vowing that he’s only letting him go for now EVEN ICKIER. For all Prince Jin knows, what he’s going to get back is a flesh doll that will just lie there, although I guess on the plus side, ZZS would never leave him again. Thanks, show, I need a shower, now.

ZZS says all the right things to argue his case to Prince Jin – he’s only good as a weapon, he has no skills nor utility for building and governing the country – and I think partly this is because he just knows the right things to say. I mean, you don’t become the Number Two guy in the country, with thousands under you and only one above you, if you can’t play imperial politics. But I also wonder if deep down he doesn’t actually believe it – he was successful at building Tian Chuang, but he couldn’t maintain Four Seasons Manor and even drove it to ruin. So, I’ll just be over here, clutching my chest, over my heart. Fortunately, Zhang Zhehan provides quick distraction from this pain, and I … Y’all. I can’t. I just. I CANNOT. When ZZS drops to his knees and starts stripping in the throne room. Just. Mmmmmrgh. THIS VISUAL. Although, you want to know what one of the hottest parts actually is? That pair of leather bracers hitting the floor on top of his belt, and ZZS isn’t even in the shot at that point. OK, fine, I am willing to read some dirtybadwrong fic with this whole scene premise at its heart, even if it does include Prince Jin. Zhang Zhehan, you are KILLING ME. I might have rewound this part. More than once. You can’t prove anything.

Aaaand then we get that gorgeous, painful shot of ZZS riding out into the snow that I know I’ve talked about before (including the way I get an odd echo of Lan Xichen off of it). There are several places in this ep where the cinematography is to die for, and this is one of them, the bleakness of the landscape and Zhang Zhehan (and his FACE) deep in that shadowing cloak against the stark snow as he rides out into freedom and the unknown. Then cut to somewhere green and forested. Interesting that the show starts with snow and ends with snow. That parallel with the imperial cage says some things about immortality that could stand to be unpacked – but later. Because ZZS is putting his face on – literally – and I am once again in pain, only it’s not the good kind of pain. It’s caused by that dreadful fake facial hair. There are some things that could be unpacked here, as well, about the fact that making ZZS supposedly unattractive involves a clearly fake goatee, a single aesthetically placed scar, and darkening his skin. I’m going to try to step carefully here, because this is kind of out of my lane, but it is … a noticeable thing. That probably ought to be noted.

So, ZZS takes just a moment to turn his (fake) face up to the sun and feel the warmth on it … and then with 10 minutes left, we’re on our way to Ghost Valley, where there’s some chaos and then Hanging Ghost gets got by a Mysterious Stranger To Be Revealed Later, who chokes him out (remember this). The Mysterious Master of Ghost Valley appears dramatically on his High Ledge to Make Some Pronouncements while playing with some walnuts omg (rolling two of them in one hand – remember this), and we see his eyes, which are partially obscured by chunky sidebangs, which are farther forward on his forehead than we’re going to see later, not only hiding some of his face but making it look more angular. The troops get berated, shit rolls downhill, and another dude gets choked (remember this) as Ghost Valley Master’s hair continues to artfully hide most of his face and he worries about his manicure post-kill (remember this). War is declared on Hanging Ghost for stealing the Glazed Armor, and more chaos is set into motion.

All of that takes literally two minutes, and then we cut to three months later, and no one realizes it yet, but the fam is getting together. ZZS is tits out in the gutter - only beginning his career of being a minx who flashes his collarbones an awful lot for someone who has Very Secret Scars He’s Hiding On His Chest - happily drinking himself to death in the sun (we really need to talk about this correlation of snow and immortality vs. sun and happiness …). Meanwhile, slo-mo shot of Wen Kexing looking precious and perfect, with delicate pink lips and dove-grey robes, as he checks out the rough trade in the gutter. Oh, the expectations this show is getting ready to smash. We cut from a shot of pristine precious WKX to ZZS holding up his hand, and we get a shot of the sun through ZZS’s fingers looking an awful lot like some shots of characters halo’d in light that we’ll get back to much much later in the show. Chengling appears out of nowhere to be Best Boy. A-Xiang is purple and smol and ready to brawl, and I already love her. I already love them all!  So much! Here are my delicate and precious feelings, show, go ahead and stomp all over them!