#the photos are great

[marlynnofmany]

Double Duty

It’s a rare day when I have to squint at the sight of a house, but this one was shiny. A giant ball woven out of the brightest metal wires I’d seen in a while, all gold and copper in complex patterns. It made my head hurt to look at. Probably imitation metals, because surely that would be impractical and expensive to use actual gold. But what did I know? Not my species.

I squinted as I walked up with the package, wondering if that was rude of me. My little human eyes probably always looked like I was squinting though, compared to the big bug eyes of the Mesmer who lived there.

And the one walking beside me. Zhee was nodding quietly to himself while he took in the sight, with his vibrant purple praying-mantis exoskeleton looking right at home. If I hadn’t known that one of his people lived here, somehow I feel like I would have guessed. It was flashy in the extreme.

And so was the walkway, a glittering stripe of vivid red that curved through a garden full of alien flowers that probably didn’t bite. I didn’t like the looks of the local butterfly analogues, though; they had stingers I could see from here. I was glad they were keeping their distance.

Zhee reached the door first — a solid slab of bronze with an inlaid galaxy of gemstones, naturally — and he found the doorbell while I ducked under another butterfly. The chime was a brief melody from an instrument I couldn’t identify. It sounded like a violin invented by people whose earliest music was made by rubbing their legs together.

The door pulled inward and slid to the side, showcasing the homeowner who must have been waiting right there for us. Up close, the side of the house had window space visible between the weave, ideal for peeking out but not being seen until you were ready for your close-up.

“Good greetings!” announced the Mesmer woman who towered over both of us, a spectacle of metallic rose-gold coloring. Surely that couldn’t be natural. I’d never seen a Mesmer yet with metal tones; this had to be like full-body nail polish. But I sure as heck wasn’t about to say a peep about it now. I’d ask Zhee later.

“Greetings,” Zhee returned, urging me forward. “Your package.”

I handed it over, wondering if I’d get to see how the thing opened. It was one of the plastic puzzle box dealies that had been a popular way to ship valuables lately. There was one button on top and no visible seams.

Even with that thought, I was surprised when she grabbed it with her pincher arms, kicked a side table into view with one leg, then set it down and tapped out a rhythm on the button. The box split open to dramatically reveal the custom stained-glass lamp that we’d delivered in perfect condition, thankyouverymuch.

“Exquisite,” she said, holding it up to let the light shine through all the aquas and teals. “Just what the blue room needs.” She looked at us. “I have one of each color, you know.”

Zhee nodded like that was normal and admirable. “Excellent.” He held out the electronic payment pad without being so gauche as to mention it out loud, and the customer chattered away about her house as she set down the lamp and paid.

“…The yellow room was the biggest hassle, of course, but I’m most pleased with the rainbow room. I have art, rare plants and a few select exotic animals in there. Those have been a different type of challenge, especially the new one.”

That caught my attention. As I was wondering how best to ask what kind of animals she kept, Zhee beat me to it.

“Animals, you say?” He gestured theatrically toward me. “Robin is an expert in animal care, if you need a consult.”

I turned my head to stare at him with my best what-did-you-just-volunteer-me-for expression, which he could certainly see, given those eyes’ range of vision. He didn’t react.

“I would appreciate a look, now that you mention it,” the large alien said. “My prize oil-slick tentacle has stopped eating, and has begun shaking in a strange way when I get near.”

Zhee immediately haggled for a consultation fee while I wracked my brain for any knowledge of this alien whatsit. I was going to have words with Zhee afterward.

But apparently I was going to look at this thing first. The customer agreed to the price, payable afterward, and led us both into the house. It was just as multicolored as expected. Like each room had been given to a different child to design, with the instructions to use as many expensive jewel tones as possible.

The rainbow room was actually a relief, surprisingly enough. There were darker accents to make the furniture and murals stand out. And the various terrariums were clear glass. I looked between feathers and shells and flowers for anything that could be described as a tentacle.

“It’s over here,” she said, leading me toward a glass case under a spotlight. “I haven’t had it very long, but it was eating before, and I just don’t know why. The medi-scanner says it’s not ill. Perhaps I need a new scanner. What do you think?”

Feeling like the spotlight was aimed directly at me, I stepped up for a look at the thing curled up in the corner. It was, as expected, iridescent like an oil slick. But those scales were familiar.

I moved around it to get a look at the head, then smiled and stood up straight. “That’s a sunbeam snake! My favorite kind!”

“Okay, but what’s wrong with it?” the alien woman asked. “When I give it food, it hisses at me and shudders!” She waggled a pincher arm in imitation.

“It’s trying to scare you away,” I said. “They shake their tails like rattlesnakes do, though they don’t have rattles or venom.”

“Well, I don’t know about all that,” she said with a huff. “Why is it doing that? I’ve been more than kind to it!”

“I’m afraid you’ve given it nowhere to hide,” I explained gently, spreading my hands at the tank with a black floor and only a small water dish in the center. Little blobs of meat littered the area. Images of plants had been painted into the corners, but that did less than nothing to help a burrowing animal. “This type of snake needs several inches of plant life or loose soil to dig into. For one this size, I’d say at least this deep.” I held my hands six inches apart.

“It digs?” the customer asked. “They didn’t tell me that!”

“It spends most of its time hidden,” I said. “Or at least, it’s meant to. This one is extremely stressed by being out in the open like this.”

I was a little worried how she’d take the news, given that this was her prize specimen with all the lights aimed to showcase its rainbow scales. But to her credit, she listened while I suggested framing a good photo of the snake outside the tank, then only watching it during mealtime. Any visiting friends could be told how exotic and special the animal was, and how lucky they would be to even catch a glimpse of it.

“Yes,” she said, clearly thinking. “Yes, I can work with that. I’ll arrange for the adjustments to the enclosure. You said this much ground cover?” She held her pincher arms apart.

“Right, at least that much,” I agreed. “Ideally you’ll also want to bury a few things for enrichment, like rocks and bark and sections of tubing, and have a couple of those on the surface for it to hide under when it comes up for food.”

We ended up going into a different room where she could take notes, which did more to put me at ease about the snake’s future care. I waved at it as I left, wishing it well. I’d always liked sunbeams. Good thing I remembered the specifics of their care needs.

“You’ll also want a bigger water dish, so it can slither through it,” I said. “And the tank should be both warm and very humid…”

The customer took lots of notes while Zhee alternated between standing there looking smug and casting an appraising eye at the room’s gaudy features. This was the purple room, and he blended right in.

Finally we’d covered all the important points. Zhee tactfully brought out the payment pad again, then we strolled back to the front door.

“I will recommend your service to all of my friends,” the customer said as she closed up the lamp case. “Quality parcel delivery, with bonus animal care! That is hard to beat.”

“My pleasure,” I said honestly.

Zhee thanked her as well, and we exited into the garden. Zhee was still looking smug as the door closed behind us. “I am very glad I spoke up.”

I shook my head with a rueful smile. “I’m glad it was an animal I’m actually familiar with, not some independently crawling tentacle.”

“Those do exist, you know.”

I let out a deep sigh. “Of course they do. Guess I’d better do some research in case she does tell all her friends.”

Zhee strode forward with pride. “It will be good business! Captain Sunlight will be pleased.”

“It’ll be interesting, that’s for sure.” I thought of the crewmates who had tentacles of their own. “Mur will probably think it’s funny.”

“Oh, he’ll think it’s terrifying. The mobile tentacles are from his planet; they’re a venomous parasite.”

“Of course they are. Remind me to bring gloves on our next delivery, just in case.”

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come!

[cheesecakeai1]

[narwhalsarefalling]

my (cis) brother is using my old license to buy wine and it has the gender marker F on there. so whenever he gets asked he just says “oh i’m trans”. its literally worked every single time.

[eroticlamb]

kate bush featured on top pop (tv), march 1978 ꩜

[secretofeva]

Hey❤️

SOURCE: 🔴 secretofeva.com🔞

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

Went to rummage sale and found Big Pot. Also found a working 1970s food processor for $4!

[cheesecakeai1]

[sabertoothwalrus]

Neither of them know they are mutually pining they are soooo stupid . can anyone hear me. I have to break something

[weaselmcdiesel]

Do You Love The Color Of The 413?

[samantha-taylor]

Slim and Skinny

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price celebrates his 75th birthday with a special guest...RATIGAN!

[hamsternamedmarinette]

Hello everyone, here is a comic. I drew this the way I draw all of my comics: with one person (me) and with a punchline planned from the start. Any other way to draw a comic would be very silly and would require me to tag people like @buggachat and @ladybeug if they were somehow in any way involved in the comic making process. Which they weren't. I drew this solo and by myself.

[batbabydamian]

wondered when exactly Damian started casually chatting with his hallucinations of Alfred in Robin (2021)

figured isolating himself in a dark tower carrying pictures of Alfred and the weight of his death would do the trick! (Detective Comics (2016) #1032)

[aphrodidadotcom]

Follow @aphrodidadotcom for more nice tits, join our email list at aphrodida.com To keep up to date with our original content

[cheesecakeai1]

[ingabs-world]

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