#the people who wrote that ending also wrote the rest of the fucking game

[woobifykamukura]

ok listen like i get thinking v3 is a bad game, because no matter how fun it is or how much potential the characters have, it is on a technical level not done nearly as well as its predecesors.

i do not understand people who think v3 is a bad game but that the ending was the only good part. like hello.

[madlori]

Facebook Official

whoops my hand slipped and I banged out 1800 words of fix-it fic in like an hour. btw i think the Abby connection is dumb but I'm making it work.

Three years after reconciling with Buck, newly engaged to him, Tommy gets a phone call from a certain former dispatcher...who's just seen some interesting news via a Facebook Relationship Status post.

*****

(also on AO3)

To say that the phone call blindsided him would have been the understatement of the century.

He was just sitting at home watching the game, having a beer, minding his own business. Evan was on shift — must be a busy one, he’d only gotten two text messages all evening, one bitching about not having had time to eat dinner and the other about idiots who texted while driving.

His phone rang. Unknown number. Normally he wouldn’t have picked up, but with all the wedding preparations, a lot of vendors were calling. It was a little late to be making business calls, just after 8 pm, but he’d quickly learned that business norms meant little in the wedding planning business. “Hello?”

“Tommy?”

“Yes?” A woman’s voice. Familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

Pause “You’re marrying Buck??” A slightly hysterical note of disbelief entered the woman’s voice as she said the name.

And all at once, he knew who it was. Shit fuck motherfucker why didn’t we get ahead of this one.

“Abby. Um…”

“Evan Buckley? My ex-fiancé and my ex-boyfriend are marrying each other?”

“Small world, huh?” he said, going for levity.

“Buck’s not even gay!”

“No, he’s not. He’s bisexual.”

“I’m…okay. I’m sorry, it’s just…this is a lot of information to get all at once.”

“How did you even find out? Don’t you live in Phoenix?”

“Buck posted one of those relationship status things on Facebook.”

“Oh. I barely use Facebook.”

“Me either, but Buck does, and I hadn’t been on there in awhile, but I logged on and that was like the third post I saw!”

Tommy remembered the day Buck had made the post. They hadn’t really put their relationship on social media much - Buck posted photos of them on Instagram sometimes - and he hadn’t done one of those stupid relationship status things for them until they got engaged. They’d trawled their phones for the right pic, eventually settling on one taken at a 118 barbecue of them together, smiling, arms slung around waists. He hadn’t said so, but he’d gotten a little emotional over what Evan wrote on the post:

Evan Buckley is engaged to Tommy Kinard.

“It’s been a long road, but we made it. Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this man. He’s the best person I’ve ever known. I love you!”

“Well…I’m sorry that was an unpleasant surprise for you,” Tommy said, carefully.

She sighed. “I don’t know that it was…unpleasant. But a surprise, for sure. How do you even know Buck? How did you meet?”

“We’re both firefighters, it’s not that surprising that we could have met, is it?”

“No, I guess not.”

“And he was at my old firehouse. The one you refused to ever come to. But I guess you went when you were with him, didn’t you?”

“You never wanted me to meet your friends. I guess I found out why when you broke off our engagement.”

“I’m sorry, Abby. I know I said it then, but I’ll say it again now. I lied to myself, I lied to a lot of people. It took me almost trapping you in my lie, when you did not deserve that, to break me out of it.”

“I forgave you ages ago. We don’t have to go over all that again.”

“I met Evan…I guess it’s four years ago? We started dating not long after. I, um…was the first man he dated. I guess I made him realize some things about himself.”

“Just transforming lives everywhere you go, huh?” she said, a teasing note entering her voice. Tommy was happy to hear it.

“Yeah, well, I almost screwed it up. I broke up with him six months later. He was diving in headfirst, too fast, just all in and wanting to move in with me.”

“That sounds just like Buck.”

“I panicked and ended it before I could get in any deeper with him.”

“It was too late, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. I was already in love with him.”

“He’s easy to love. Too easy,” she said, quietly. “But you got back together, obviously.”

“Took a little while. Almost a year. I dated a few guys, he dated a few people, but nothing stuck for either of us - I know now it’s because we were still hung up on each other. We have a friend in common and we’d hear about each other through him…but I didn’t really see him until we ended up on a major incident call together. I sustained a minor injury - just a scrape, really - and Hen from his house patched me up. I was sitting there on the ambulance deck, more or less left to myself, and he came waltzing up with that eyebrow raised like he knew all my secrets.” Abby chuckled, like she knew the exact expression he was describing. “He just said, are you done being fucking stupid yet?”

“And you were.”

“Yep. I was. He took me home that night and we’ve barely been apart since. Got engaged a year later.”

“You sound happy.”

“I am. I’m ecstatic. I can’t believe I got a second chance with him. I kicked myself for ending it like that, I don’t know what came over me.”

“I do. You thought you weren’t enough for him to want to keep you.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“That’s dumb.”

“That’s what he says.”

They sat there not speaking for what felt like a long time.

“Well…” Abby said. “I feel like I just unloaded on you out of the blue.”

“You kinda did,” he said, smiling.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have called.”

“I’m glad you did. You know…Evan and I didn’t realize we had you in common until our six month anniversary dinner. In fact, it was that revelation that sort of started us on the way to breaking up for awhile. But that’s been so long now and it hasn’t come up in a few years. I almost forgot about it.”

“Gee, thanks,” she said, her grin audible. “I’m glad you’re both happy. I have a lot of regret over Buck, how I left things with him. I assume he’s told you.”

“He has. If it helps, he doesn’t have any bad feelings towards you.”

“It does help. Thank you for that.” She sighed. “I’ll let you go. I just saw that Facebook post and spiralled a little bit.”

“Understandable.”

“Please tell Buck I say hello. And I wish you both so much happiness, Tommy.”

“Thank you. And I will.”

She hung up. Tommy stared at the phone for a moment, then opened his text message thread with Evan.

You’re not gonna believe what just happened.

*****

When Evan got home at 7 am, they had their usual two hours to share breakfast and maybe a quick fuck before Tommy had to be on shift himself. They tried to sync their schedules so their off days coincided, but it didn’t always work.

“Holy shit, why didn’t we get ahead of that one?” Evan said as he burst in the door, not even bothering with “hello.” His shoes and duffel went flying and he bustled into the kitchen where Tommy was mixing the pancake batter.

“Yeah, I had the same thought,” he said, leaning over to kiss him hello.

Evan went to the coffee pot. “I didn’t even think about it, that she might see.”

“Neither did I.”

“How’d she sound?”

“Really surprised at first. Incredulous, even? Like in the what-are-the-odds way.”

“Kinda like when I found out we’d both dated her.”

“Yeah, but you’re my himbo now,” Tommy said, smirking. “No, she was just shocked. I gave her the quick rundown, and she ended up congratulating us.”

“Did you tell her it’s her fault we broke up for a year?” Evan said, popping a strawberry into his mouth.

“I think the proper person to bear the fault is me.”

“And also me. Who asks someone to move in after six months? Before even saying ‘I love you?’ And when you had a house!”

“I say we blame Josh. He got you all juiced up with that damn Glee speech.” After they’d reconciled, Evan had given him chapter and verse on his mind-boggling thought processes on that last fateful day.

“He got me feeling guilty, is what he did. That I judged you for lying to Abby. Overcorrecting is one of my special gifts.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well, while I’m overcorrecting…why don’t we invite her?”

Tommy looked up. “To our wedding?”

“Sure, why not? She can flip a coin whose side she sits on,” Evan said, grinning like the mischievous imp that he was.

“Evan, darling, love of my life, we are not inviting our ex to our wedding.”

He scrunched up his face. “Ew. ‘Our’ ex? Makes it sound like we were in a throuple.”

“Ew, indeed.”

He cocked his head. “I dunno, though. The thought’s kinda sexy.”

“Not to me! No vaginas anywhere near my bedroom. Kinsey 6, remember?”

“Of course, my apologies.”

Tommy looked at his innocent wide-eyed face for a few beats. “You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“Can I help it if the thought of two people I have found intensely attractive doing sexy things is appealing?”

“Can I help it if the thought of Chris Hemsworth going down on you has gotten me through some lonely nights?”

“Okay, I get the point. Shutting up now.” 

Tommy put a plate of pancakes in front of him. “Your shift okay?”

“Fine. Busy. I’m a bit wired. Do we have time for me to bounce on your dick for a bit before you have to head out?”

“For that, I’ll make time.” He sat down at the table at Evan’s side with his own pancakes. Evan slid a hand over and squeezed his thigh.

“Missed you, though,” he said, chewing.

“I always miss you when you’re on shift,” Tommy said.

Evan looked up at that, meeting his eyes. “Tommy, sometimes I miss you when you get up to get a beer.”

The simplicity, the sincerity of it made his chest tighten a little. He leaned forward, put his fingers under Evan’s chin and pulled him into a soft kiss, just like the first time. “I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you, too.”

“And we are not inviting my ex-fiancee who is also your ex-girlfriend to our wedding.”

Evan grinned. “Deal.”

[aayakashii]

I wrote this in like 2 hours so I apologize if it's bad but!!! I was struck with inspiration and had to write it + I am a sucker for fics abt dancing because I'm a dancer so ✋️ ANYWAYS

Pairing: Romeo Lucci x MC

Tags: PINING; romeo doesnt accept his feelings; gender neutral MC; the song that is mentioned in this fic is this one

the house never loses

The casino had closed for the night.

Fragments of life were scattered on the floor – pieces of glass, candy wrappers, dirtied pills, crushed beer cans.

Romeo curled his lips in disgust.

Everyone was distasteful. Brute, graceless little things that only served to be his source of income. Couldn't even clean up after themselves, the mindless sheep, blinded by the possibility of being rich quickly.

He wasnt really one to judge, but at least he was smart.

He knew he had to win. He had to be the dealer, the house, no matter the situation. He would never be the customer.

That was how things fall apart.

You lose control, someone else pull the strings of your life and then you trip – and fall. And lose, lose, lose. One bet after the other, golden coins falling through the cracks of the floor underneath you, forever out of reach.

No, he couldn't be anything else besides the dealer, he wouldn't allow otherwise. He had his family as a bitter example of steps he should not follow.

Still, under this position of power, he saw all the grimy beings that walked on this godforsaken place – traitors and hypocrites that tried to hide their greed behind a mask – and he hated them all.

"Dirty pricks that can't even pick up after themselves", he thought, kicking another empty beer can.

He wouldn't clean it, however. Obviously. He had his pawns to do that for him and today, specifically, he had the worthless honor student do that job for him.

He sighed, massaging his forehead to ease the wrinkle between his brows.

"Honor, my ass", he mumbled, remembering how they messed up yet another prototype order earlier that day, which landed them the merciless job of cleaning the casino after it was closed.

Romeo clicked his tongue, remembering the faces of the rest of the staff once they realized they would have a night off at the expense of someone else.

In the end, it was a dog eat dog situation. He wouldn't be surprised if people started sabotaging them just to get more days off. He put this sudden conclusion at the back of his mind, patting himself on the back for being so smart and way ahead of everyone around him. Then, he stepped on a cigarette butt and stained the burgundy carpet with its ashes.

"Where the fuck is that basic bitch?" he groaned, kicking the cigarette butt under one of the poker tables, maneuvering faster between all the stools, readying himself to give them the scolding of a lifetime.

He expects excellency from himself – it's only natural he expects the same from everyone around him, although this habit always seems to leave him disappointed.

Romeo's ears perked up as he stomped his way towards the back of the casino.

It housed the bar area, with a small stage for (now rare) jazz performances – after Sinostra was banned from leaving the campus, it also meant people from outside were also banned from coming in. Believe it or not, there aren't many jazz musicians among university students.

The bar stood behind matte glass doors that kept the sound muffled for those that wanted to drown their sorrows away after losing one too many games.

Romeo made his way to the entrance of the bar, as his ears picked up a few stray music notes coming from the inside of the place. He readied himself to scold whatever student was inside after closing hours – after all, if they wanted to use the space, then they should pay for it. It's only obvious.

He opened the door quietly, in order to catch them by surprise, squinting as he tried to assess who was inside despite the permanent mist of cigarette smoke that hung in the air.

The song came from a phone that stood on the bar counter, the words too jumbled and distorted by the busted speakers, but with a melancholy that touched him still.

He opened his mouth to call out whoever was inside, yet the words stuck on his tongue like cheap candy.

The first thing he saw were the arms.

The arms moved slowly, as if they were swimming in honey. Fingers grasped the thick air that surrounded them and seemed to mold it into a silk veil that surrounded their body.

Then, he saw the legs.

Softly, silently, they carried their body through slow twirls. They lifted one of them up, bare foot en pointe, landing it graciously to once again turn around themselves.

And finally, he saw their face.

Eyes half lidded in pure concentration, they saw nothing but the world they created for themselves as they danced.

The words died inside Romeo's mouth as he saw his worthless honor student dance to the song.

He gulped harshily as he watched them grab their own chest, suffering silently for some estranged lover they were probably seeing in their mind's eye as they danced.

Romeo felt his own heart race, his purple eyes going red and teary as he tried not to blink, so he wouldn't miss any moment. His stomach twisted inside out – or, at least, it was how he felt it – as he wondered if they were thinking of anyone specific while they looked so desperately in love.

His breath hitched at the thought and he discarded it in a pile of things he would rather not think about, on the corners of his mind.

They threw their arms out slowly, as if they wanted to hug the entire world – or fly away from it, only to lose it all while they bring their hands to their face, in theatrical despair.

Romeo wondered how it would feel to be the one in between their arms and loved so desperately, and the thought was too big, to persistent to be put aside.

His hands twitched as he tried to take a step inside and ask who was it that they thought of as they ran their hands on their lips and body, but as he heard the song grow into its highest peak, Romeo instinctively closed the door, before he could see whether or not that secret performance would have a happy ending or a sad one.

He rested his head against the glass, feeling the coolness of it spread on his flushed face.

Romeo put his hand against his heart, feeling the fast beats in contrast with the muffled and slow ending of the song inside, and breathed deeply, realizing he had been holding his breath like a predator does with a prey on the wild.

"Romeo?" their voice sounded shaky and scared, as if they had just been caught committing a crime. As if they were his prey.

Romeo cleared his throat and opened the door once again, this time fierce and quickly.

"Ah, there you are, you BB." they winced as he yelled the insulting abbreviation "I was looking for you. Didn't you see how dirty the casino is? You are supposed to clean everything, not just this place."

Romeo saw as they pursed their lips, looking down, an expression of annoyance and sadness making itself clear on their face.

"I- I know. I was just finishing here." They lied, dejected.

"Well. I expect this place to be spotless by tomorrow. I don't care if you need to spend all night here. Just do your job!"

"Yes, Romeo." they sighed loudly, picking up a broom, and then walked briskly past him, frustratingly avoiding him as much as possible.

Deep inside, however, he knew he couldn't possibly blame them. Not with the venom he spits on their face at every single encounter.

Romeo kept looking inside of the room, staring at the phone they left on the bar counter, consciously refusing to observe them as they walked somewhere else inside the casino.

He refused to look at them as they moved graciously between the tables; refused to think about the faint scent of vanilla mixed with cigarette and sweat on their body; refused to acknowledge his racing heart; and refused to look them in their eyes for too long.

Romeo refused to lose control of his own strings.

After all, he was the dealer, he was the house.

He wasn't supposed to lose.

[cleolinda]

Okay, I have heard the short version of the MRI results.

It’s not a pinched nerve. It’s another herniated disc bulge.

“Disappointed” doesn’t quite cover my feelings at this moment, but “devastated” might be overselling it, I don’t know. I very likely have some kind of CPSTD from the original surgery ordeal, so that’s a sore spot that’s being pressed. Triggered, if you will.

Again, I wrote up a longer post (free/public) at my Patreon walking through what I’ll do next. Short version, I’ve got a lot of supportive people around me, a good lead on a spinal pain clinic, and health insurance. I personally think I’ll end up with a combination of physical therapy and rest rather than surgery, since this feels nowhere near as bad as the disc I had to get removed. We have a game plan.

My GP (who is also my mother’s GP; I recommended her) told my mom yesterday, “Your daughter is tough.” Oddly, my dentist said this same thing—“You’re really tough”—earlier this year while I was getting crowns. I was a huge crybaby for the first half of my life (undiagnosed autistic meltdowns didn’t help), so I am really surprised that people think this. But then, having intense sciatic pain for six weeks really rewires your capacity to deal with things, I guess. You have a real different scale for what you can and can’t handle after something like that.

Anyway, shit is mildly fucked and I’m intensely disappointed about it. We persevere.

Also, I’m looking into absentee voting for November NOW.

[orshii]

Guilty Pleasure - Follow You (Part 2)

✟ Pairing: Choi San x female reader ✟ Word count: 6k ✟ Warnings: cursing, suggestive, mentions of death, blood

✟ Summary: You go back to your hometown for the summer vacation, not expecting the small town's priest to be a total eye candy. But he seems to be hiding dark secrets underneath his holy façade.

Will you find out the truth?

✟-First Part-✟

✟ A/N: Heeyy, so here is the long-awaited part 2 of this story. When I first wrote it I would've never thought it was going to head this way, but it happened and we finally know all the dark secrets of Priest San and why is he acting like this. Also, Yunho and Mingi appear in this story as well, and they are from @bvidzsoo's Who Am I fanfiction, it's happening in the same world but the mention of it is just slight. I find it funny and exciting to write in the same world lol, as in the future that is going to happen more often if she is in hehe. Anyways, read part 1 before reading this to understand everything. Tyy, byee! (Also I'm obsessed with this song again, and it matches the vibes of the story so I recommend listening to it)

         I was sitting on the church’s brown bench again as I watched the familiar face who was standing in front of the altar with the Bible in hand and a rosary strolling around his veiny hands the familiar cross hanging on his chest, as he was preaching for the people who came to the church on a bright Sunday morning.

People need to hear some reassuring thoughts about their God so they are going to feel less burdened about the sins they have committed. As if going to church will liberate them from the bad things they all did. Including me, that had the biggest sin anyone had in this church.

And that was—sleeping with the priest who was standing in the middle of the church, trying to motivate the people who came and prayed for their freedom. His sharp but innocent-looking eyes never met mine. Maybe he felt guilty about the sins we committed or he was pretending like I did not exist.

Two weeks went by since that night. And I barely saw Choi San, the priest of the town I grew up in, well he wasn’t a priest, he just pretended to be one, because he had some dark secrets that he did not share with me. After we slept together—some not-so-innocent images popped up in my mind, as he looked down at me, hovering over me, whispering some dirty thoughts into my ears that made me commit any sins that existed. The way his hands ran through my thighs up and down as he made me feel good with a burning desire in his eyes. That night I just cut all my sanity and gave in my guilty pleasure, and so did San—But after that night we did not speak. We had met a few times at the store or at the servings he held, but he pretended like nothing happened and it made me feel uneasy.

Why did he pretend like nothing happened? Was I just a one-night stand to satisfy his needs as it was rare for him to find someone who is in for a fuck with a priest? But in reality, he wasn't even a priest and I still did not know what he was doing here, and why he pretended to be one.

And as I watched him standing in front of the altar, the hall as quiet as the church's mouse, in his long black vestment his eyes observing the people sitting in front of him, I had enough of this game and I needed to talk with him.

When the mass ended, I waited until the church emptied, pretending to pray a little longer. I needed this moment, especially since my thoughts during the service had been less than innocent. Once everyone had left, I stood up and made my way to the vestry room where San always prepared for the mass.

As I entered the room, I saw San speaking with an old man. He was smiling, his dimples showing—a rare sight since he was always so serious with me. His hands rested on the old man's shoulders as he reassured him, promising to pray for the man's sick wife. It was kind of him, revealing a caring and warm side to his personality. But I knew it was all an act. He fooled these people with promises he couldn't keep because he wasn't the person they thought he was.

When the man finally turned, I smiled at him and bowed a little when he passed by me, leaving the two of us in the room. San just glared at me with his sharp eyes, his dimples disappearing the moment the old man left the room.

"Hi," I said as I walked further inside leaning against a table that was full of crosses and Bibles, on the walls there were a few glorious paintings and a closet in the corner of the room where the priest's vestments were hanging. I looked at San with crossed arms in front of my chest.

"Hey," he said, not even meeting my eyes as he turned his back to me. He began taking off the black vestment he was wearing, revealing an ironed white shirt and black pants underneath. 

"Why are you avoiding me?" I said as I stared at his wide shoulders where my nails drew blood a few weeks ago.

He folded his black vestment and put it into the closet. Then he turned around to face me as he leaned against the closet mirroring my position. His eyes scanned me up and down. "I'm being watched. I have to pretend everything is normal and fulfill my priest duties," he said in a low voice, his expression unreadable. 

I scoffed. "So, I do not deserve at least an explanation?" I lifted my hands questioning him. "You can't keep fooling these people, they really trust you San. Some people would give their life into your hands."

He pushed himself off the closet and slowly approached me with predator's eyes. "I know, I hate to do this, but I have to. I can explain everything. Let's meet at the cemetery tonight." He said as he stood in front of me, he hovered above me, making me feel small. His eyes, burning with intensity, stared into mine, lighting up even in the dimly lit room.

"A cemetery? Really?" My brows furrowed in disbelief.

"Yes, I want to show you something." He stepped closer to me, even though we barely had space between us, his hands squeezing my waist tightly.

"First you kidnap me to an abandoned mansion, and now you want to take me to a cemetery? Are you planning to hide my body in a used coffin?" I folded my arms in the narrow space between us.

He hummed, leaning close to my face, his lips brushing against mine. "I want to do other things with your body, and they're far from innocent," he whispered as his thin lips moved to my bare neck, leaving slight kisses along the way. My lips parted, my body growing hotter, and my heart pounded with uncontrollable desire. I gripped the table behind me, trying to pull away, but he held me in place, not letting me escape. 

His hands on my waist pulled me flush against his body, one of his hands traveling up to my jaw as he held it and pulled me closer to his parted lips. "You are my guilty pleasure." He whispered the words onto my lips as his thumb traced over the bottom of my lip. I couldn't control my body or my thoughts, so I just gave control to him. His familiar candy-like scent drove me crazy, making me lose my mind.

Then I felt his lips crush onto my lips, which immediately parted letting his tongue in as it discovered my mouth. This feeling was too familiar yet too strange. I felt like all of this was wrong, I didn't know anything about him, yet I was here kissing him like he was the love of my life.

His lips moved against mine, meanwhile, his hands discovered my body that was flushed against his, I wrapped my hands around his neck like it was in a script of a movie, all of this felt so natural but inhuman at the same time. While he was kissing me, his hands traveled down to the back of my tights just to lift me to the table, swiping the things off from the top so I could sit. He was standing in between my legs that I wrapped around his small waist. His hands brushed against the top of my thighs up to my back where his hands ended up in my hair as he ran his fingers through my dark strings.

The desire that lit my heart in that moment was endless, I felt like it could never burn out, but I couldn't let this go further. After all, we were still in a church… I slowly pulled away from him a string of saliva still connecting our lips from our passionate kiss as San captured my lips in a deep possessive kiss again, pulling me into a more rushed kiss, sucking my lower lip between his teeth, as my hands were on his pumped-up chest trying to push him away carefully.

He leaned his forehead against mine as we both breathed heavily. "I want you," He whispered in between quick breaths.

"We are in a church," I whispered back as my eyes met his, our eyes mirroring the same desire we felt for each other.

He nodded with a slight smile, as his lips met mine again, leaving a long peck on my warm lips. "I have to go, meet you at the cemetery at 8 p.m. darling." He left a kiss on the corner of my mouth and with that he left me there sitting on the table, the crosses and Bibles on the floor scattered, making me want to run away as quickly as possible from there, and I face-palmed myself mentally for being this high over heels for a man, who made me forget humans had sinned and that needed forgiveness.

I parked my car in the cemetery’s parking lot, the sun was slowly settling down, to hide behind the hills that hugged the town around. The weather was quite chilly, as it was already the end of summer, early autumn knocking on the door to let them in. This change of season meant I would soon have to return to where I lived and resume teaching the children who counted on me. I didn't want to let them down.  

When I stepped inside the cemetery goosebumps ran through my body. The sun was barely shining, leaving me in a quiet and dark cemetery that was swimming in mist. I heard some weird noises that I couldn't comprehend. Perhaps it was a bird nesting in the branches or a squirrel scurrying up and down the tree trunks. I stood frozen at the entrance, hesitant to venture deeper into the eerie yet noisy cemetery. There were a lot of gravestones and some flowers that were long withered.

Then I gathered all my courage and stepped deeper into the cemetery not knowing where should I wait for San. The cemetery slowly swallowed me as I went deeper, the graves forming a labyrinth around me.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps, but I couldn't tell which direction they came from. My heart was beating wildly, and I was frozen in place, my legs refusing to move. Then, I felt hands on my waist from behind, squeezing me. I jumped and let out a small scream.

"Holy shit San, don't do this again." I felt relieved as I turned around and saw his face where the curves of his lips were up his dimples on the sight.

"Sorry," He chuckled as he saw my terrified face. "You seemed lost in here, darling." His hands were still on my waist as he pulled me closer to him.

"Of course, it's not me who comes to the cemetery daily to bury random people." I squinted my eyes looking up at him and I noticed he was in casual clothes that was a black T-shirt, glued to his chest and broad shoulders, the familiar cross hanging on his pumped-up chest, the T-shirt paired with black sweatpants. He looked so comforting in normal clothes I wanted to hug him so badly.

He giggled, seeming genuinely happy—a rare sight to see him smile in a way that wasn't fake. His hands reached for mine, interlacing our fingers. "Come, I want to show you something," he said.

He began pulling me along by our interlaced hands, guiding me through the maze of graves and random sculptures of fallen angels that I didn’t quite understand. I realized there were many things about this small town that I didn't know, despite having grown up here.

Suddenly, San stopped, and I bumped into his broad back, feeling as if I had collided with an unbreakable wall. As I looked around, I saw we were standing in front of a grave that was unique—nothing like the others. It was crafted with care, adorned with fresh flowers in two vases on the ground, and featured graceful curves with winged decorations. I had never seen anything like it before. I turned to look at San, who stood next to me, gazing down at the grave with a look of deep grief.

"This is my grandmother's grave." He said with a low voice still holding my hand as I stood next to him. I nodded and caressed his shoulders signaling I was here next to him. "She raised me with my grandpa. My parents passed me to them when I was little. We have not heard about them since then." He sighed and sat down in front of his grandma's grave pulling up his legs to his chest and resting his elbows on his knees. I followed him and sat close to him and ran my hand up his back my fingers slowly combing through his raven-black hair. I wanted to be there with him, I wanted him to know I was by his side no matter what.

He was staring at his hands in front of him as he continued. "So, I was growing up here until I was eighteen, that was the time I left the town so I could study more."

"How come I don't remember you? I was growing up here, yet I never seen you." I asked with a frown.

His lips curved a little. "Well, I changed a lot. I was a weak and not-so-social little boy, maybe that is why." He tilted his head towards my direction to look at me with a slight smile. As I pouted trying to remember the boy he was describing. "If it helps you more, my grandfather was the priest before me." He smiled at me looking at my face, my eyes going wide at the realization.

"No way, you are the mysterious grandchild of Father John? Oh my God." I looked at him as I couldn't believe it. "Look at you, now being strong and independent." I squeezed his biceps as he chuckled. But then his expression turned serious.

"So, the thing is, I don't know where is my grandfather." His gaze went back to the grave in front of us.

"What? Isn't he retired?" I asked him a little confused.

"No, he had this year to complete, and he wanted to retire next year. I came to visit him, but he was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere, but there was no trace. Then, one day, these guys came after me and mentioned a 200-year-old golden relic that my grandpa owned, worth millions. " He glanced at me briefly as he spoke. 

"Those were the guys who chased us?" I asked him, trying to stay calm, it was a lot of information to process, as I remembered the night someone was chasing us with a black car, that night led us to San’s mansion.

"Yes, it's a mafia gang. They call themselves The Boyz and their leader is Sunwoo. One day they cornered me and told me they captured my grandpa and they were going to kill him if I don't tell them, where is the cup." His voice was full of rage as I watched his sharp side profile as he gritted his teeth. "When you saw me negotiate with some guys the other day, it was another gang called Ateez, their leader is Kim Hongjoong and I turned to them to ask for help. But the only way they agreed was that I give them the cup to keep it safe because they were famous for collecting different kinds of relics, and I agreed because I couldn't save my grandpa alone… I gave them money to help me but they only told me they were going to come when needed. And since that, I never saw them. So, it was a waste of time and I don't know if my grandpa is still alive." He sighed weakly in frustration, the burning rage slowly fading out of his eyes.

I ran my finger through my hair trying to calm down and think straight. "Do you know where is the cup?"

"Yes," He looked at me his eyes full of sadness alongside revenge. "We are sitting on it."

I frowned at that, looking around in confusion. "Where?"

"It's in my grandma's coffin."

My jaw hung open as I looked at the grave in front of us. "So, what will you do?"

"I don't know, Y/N…" He ran his fingers through his hair stressed. "I don't know what to do, what is the right choice I'm all by myself—"

"Hey," I said, reaching out to gently pull his hands away from his hair. I moved in front of him so I could look directly into his eyes. "I'm here. You're not alone, San." Kneeling between his spread legs, I cupped his face in my hands. "We'll figure this out together, okay?" I gazed into his eyes as I rested my forehead against his. 

He nodded and enveloped me in his strong arms and legs while I remained kneeling, almost making me disappear in his embrace. "Thank you so much, Y/N." He whispered into my ears his voice going weak. The familiar scent of candy hugged me tight, giving me a comfort that I didn't even know I needed.

Then San pulled away as his hands cupped my face. "I want you to be by my side…I want to be with you, but I'm scared you might get hurt in the process. I have a difficult life, Y/N…especially now…I don't know if I can keep you safe." He whispered as his gaze never left mine, his eyes welling up with tears.

I traced my thump on his cheek, where a teardrop escaped his eyes and wiped it away. "I'm going to be okay, it's easier to fight together than alone, right?" My lips curved up a little, giving him comfort.

He smiled at me emotionally, as his finger reached towards my hair, brushing a string behind my ear. "You are so beautiful and perfect, my darling. I don't deserve you." His eyes beamed caring and unlimited love, which made my heart twist painfully, but that pain was good, it whispered good things for the future.

"You do deserve someone by your side. And I want to be that person." I whispered back, leaning close to his face. When his lips met mine, it felt like he was kissing me for the hundredth time, yet each kiss still felt like the very first. It wasn't rushed, it was careful and warm, we sealed our lips together as a promise to protect the other no matter what. Something in my heart started to grow and it felt right for the first time in my life. But then a voice interrupted our promise to each other. 

“Well, well—the love birds are hiding in the cemetery. How romantic,” a voice said from behind us. I glanced over San’s shoulder and saw five men standing there, their eyes fixed on us with a predatory gaze.

San immediately got up and hid me behind his broad shoulder, his arms out in a protective manner. He looked like he was the mountain that hid people from danger. "Sunwoo…what do you want?" Sunwoo—then he was the leader of The Boyz… they were after the cup and we were standing right above it.

"Wasn't I clear enough on that?" I peeked out from the safety of San's back and saw the man who was speaking, he had foxlike eyes and black hair, and all of them were wearing leather jackets with ripped jeans, making them disappear into the darkness of the cemetery. I could barely count how many of them were still hiding in the dark.

Suddenly I heard hustling from behind and I had no time to react, all I felt was a hand around my neck and that pulled me away from San, a sharp, cold thing replacing the strange hand. San turned towards me, looking at the man behind me with sharp, glaring eyes. "Let her go, she has nothing to do with this!" He shouted as he tried to attack the man who held a knife to my neck. From the sudden movement, the knife went deeper into my skin, as blood streamed down my neck like tears. But San had no chance as the leader caught him in no time and held a gun to the back of his head. "Don't try to act like a hero, or she'll die," Sunwoo mumbled into San's ear.

I couldn't process what was happening, my heart was pumping loudly in my ear, and I barely heard what was happening. My vision was on San the whole time, whose eyes were staring at me, trying to give me some strength that I needed at that moment. I breathed heavily, trying to calm myself down, but as I lifted my chest to breathe the sharp knife dug deeper into my skin, making me panic at the sudden pain.

"If you tell us, where the fuck is that cup, I'm going to tell you where is your old man and we won't kill this sweetheart." The leader nodded towards me with a perverted smile. I wanted to throw up from the pain and the faces they all made while looking at me.

I met San’s gaze again; he was signaling that he was about to make a move. In a sudden burst of action, he spun around, grabbed the gun that was pressed against his head and punched the man in front of him who fell to the ground. At the sudden movements, the man behind me lost the grip of the knife and I immediately kicked him in the balls and he hunched over immediately from the sudden pain. San ran towards me and held me by both sides of my shoulders. "You have to run, Y/N! Drive to the mansion and wait for me there, please!" He said hurriedly, as the other men were running towards us. Fuck, I had no chance there, but I did not want to leave him alone.

He saw my face as I hesitated a little, "I promise I'm going to find you, darling. Just go!" He begged me as the man behind him gripped his shoulder trying to hit him. I wanted to scream and shout at the men who attacked him, but I needed to run and get some help for him. San was fighting with the two men, punching them and trying to dodge their movements.

Then I got an idea, San had no chance against a bunch of people we were surrounded by, it was impossible, so I needed to distract a few of them. The ones behind my back were walking towards me because they knew I had no chance, but I quickly jumped over a grave and started to run so they were going to get far away from San. I needed to reach my car, but navigating through the graves was difficult in the dark; I could only make out vague shapes.

 I jumped over several gravestones and tried to be as quick as I could and try to distract them, hoping one of them was going to get lost in the dark mist, trying to move quickly and create enough confusion that maybe one of them would get lost in the darkness. Then I heard gunshots—lots of them. The sound made me stumble, and I fell to the ground, feeling a surge of fear and wanting to cry. "San," I whispered, still on the ground as the men behind me closed in. I couldn't let them catch me, for San, I needed to gather my strength and get help for him. So, I stood up with determination and started to run towards the exit. 

When I finally arrived at a trail that led me to the exit, I felt relieved as the adrenaline gave me a burst of power, making me run faster as I looked behind me. Three men were running after me, the fourth probably gave up on chasing me, or he did get lost in the labyrinth of the cemetery.

I ran through the exit and quickly sat in my car. I fired the engine, the lamps lit up and the three men were standing in front of my car, their faces like the devil's, smiling in success as they trapped me. But I was in a car, and I had the advantage of simply using it as a weapon. The engine of the car roared up as I hit the gas pedal and the car speeded towards them. Two of the men managed to jump out of the way, but the third wasn't as fortunate.

He leaped onto the hood of my car, trying to avoid the impact. He looked at me with killer eyes through the windshield as I was still speeding, but then I hit the break and he stumbled forward, hitting the ground with a loud thump. I hoped he wasn’t seriously injured—or worse.

I was frozen for a moment as I tried to think what to do, my breathing was loud and heavy, and blood pumped in my ears. Then I looked to my right and saw a baseball bat lying on the floor. I had kept it in the car for situations just like this. Why not use it? I couldn't just leave here San; I promised him we were going to fight together.

So, I grabbed the bat and opened the car door. The man I had hit was groaning on the ground, clearly in pain but still alive. The other two men were running towards me as I held up the baseball bat preparing to defend myself as they approached.

But then, I heard a loud engine sound and all I saw was a big, black jeep, hitting the two men that were running towards me. It all happened so quickly. The jeep stood in quiet for a moment, the front a little broken from the impact and smoke coming up from the engine.

Then someone opened the passenger door and a tall man got out of it, whom I barely saw in the dim lights of the parking lot. The other door opened as well, and another tall figure stepped out, both of them heading in my direction. I held up the baseball bat again because I did not know if I could trust these men.

"We are here to help." The one with the soft features raised his hands in the air.

"Who are you?" I asked them, gathering all the strength I had left.

"I'm Jeong Yunho, Kim Hongjoong sent me to help San." He is Song Mingi, we came to help." The tall boy came closer to me and reached his hands to shake hands, his features full of kindness.

"We don't have time for this, San is in the cemetery and we got attacked, he needs help." I started to panic as I did not hear anything after the gunshots.

"Mingi stay with her, she is injured, I'm going to find San! " Yunho said with a serious expression on his face as he was speaking to the other guy, whose expression was bored as he leaned against my car folding his arms. Then Yunho ran towards the entrance of the cemetery as the dark swallowed him.

I leaned against my car, waiting impatiently for Yunho and San to come, I tried to go after them a few times but Mingi stopped me all the time, saying 'Let them do their job'.

After half an hour that I spent worrying about San, their dark figure finally appeared from the cemetery as Yunho was holding San by the waist and San's hands were clinging around Yunho's neck. I hurried in front of them quickly, San seemed injured.

"San-ah, are you okay?" I cupped his face, which was a little beaten up, with a few cuts on his lips, and on his cheekbones.

"I'm okay, darling, I'm okay," he whispered as he released Yunho and pulled me into a protective embrace. When he gently pulled me away, his eyes roamed over me from head to toe, checking for any injuries. His gaze finally landed on my neck.

"Fuck, Y/N!" He traced the cut on my neck with great care, where the blood had already dried—I had already forgotten about my wound. "Does it hurt?" he asked softly. Leaning down, he placed a tender kiss on the wound, sending shivers through my body. 

I shook my head as a no. "It's not that deep."

He tilted his head up looking into my eyes with anger. "I'm glad I killed those motherfuckers." My heart started to race at that, it was a new side of him, that I did not see until now. It did scare me, but at the same time, I knew he had no other choice than to kill them. It was a choice between him and them, and clearly, the better option was for San to survive. 

"Okay you love each other we get it," Yunho clasped his hands together, making me remember they were also there. "But we should hurry if you want to save your old man, San."

"Where is he?" San asked turning towards the two tall men, both leaning against the car. San's eyes were full of determination.

"Right now, as our people told us, he is in a building that is going to explode in like…" Yunho looked at his watch on his wrist. "…10 minutes." He said casually.

"Then why are we even here, let's go!" San said, already forgetting he was injured, as we sat into the black jeep, the guys already gone that they hit.

As we made our way to the building, I cuddled up to San’s side. He caressed my back and ran his fingers through my hair, whispering how proud he was of me for standing up to the bad guys and staying by his side. Even if I had the choice, I wouldn't have it any other way. I knew I was meant to be with San, and I never wanted to leave him.

When we arrived at the building, which was about to explode, I stayed in the car despite my urge to join them. I figured it would be easier for them if I stayed behind. Nervously biting my nails, I watched the clock ticking down to the explosion—just 2 minutes remaining—and they were still nowhere to be seen.

I couldn’t stay still. I stepped out of the car and paced back and forth in front of it, my anxiety making it impossible to remain in one place. 

1 minute - nothing

30 seconds - nothing

I was on the verge of running into the building just before it was about to explode when I saw four figures run through the entrance the moment the building exploded. The moment the building erupted, a burst of orange filled the dark air pieces of the building everywhere in the air, which landed in a rain-like form on the ground with a loud thump as the explosion shook the ground.

I lost sight of the figures running as I held my arm out forming a shield. Bits of concrete and debris struck me, and some landed on the car. When the building caught on fire I looked around to search for them.

But I saw no one in between the burning pieces. I walked closer, as I spotted them between two big concrete pieces that fell from the building. As I ran to them, I saw that San held his grandfather on his lap, crying as Yunho and Mingi were kneeling beside them, Yunho's hands on San's shoulder trying to calm him down.

I speeded next to San my hands on his back, as I looked down at his grandfather. His abdomen was full of blood, his T-shirt long soaked with red, his chest unmoving, and his eyes were glassy, a single teardrop falling towards his temple as he was staring up at the sky full of stars, with no reaction in his eyes. He left us.

"I couldn't save him," San's voice came out and stumbled as he was sobbing, holding his grandfather's dead body. His grandfather raised him and made his grandchild the most caring and passionate human on earth. He fulfilled his job and it was time for him to leave us behind.

I hugged San as he was sobbing into my neck, still careful not to hurt the wound on my neck. I whispered to him some reassuring thoughts that slowly calmed him down. Yunho and Mingi waited for us patiently to calm down so we could talk about the cup that was the cause of this turmoil that ended with the death of San's grandfather.

 It is interesting to think about how humans are capable of anything just because of a two-hundred-year-old relic that was worth millions—even billions. They do not realize the value of a human's soul; it is higher than the paper that is worth—perhaps millions.

A human's soul is worth the universe which has more value than a piece of paper. But people are greedy and they do not care if someone gets lost along the way. They only see the gold and money, that keeps them going, not caring about burning the world along the way.

This is why San decided to entrust the cup to Yunho, whom he trusted deeply. San knew Yunho was a man of his word, reliable, and always present when help was needed. As we handed the cup over to them just before they left, Yunho's final words were:

"Welcome to Ateez."

With that, they drove away with the cup, leaving behind a trail of trouble but also opening the door to a mysterious future with the gang Ateez. 

-1 month later-

"That's all," San said as he closed the rear door of the car, clasping his hands together as we were in front of his mansion, I needed to go back because the summer vacation ended.

"Are you sure you want to come with me?" I asked still unsure of why would he come with me back to where I was living.

He stepped closer to me as he grabbed my waist, one of his right hands cupping my cheek as his thumb traced it with care. "I have nothing left here." He whispered resting his forehead against mine. "I'm going to follow you, wherever you go."

"Promise me you'll never leave my side," I whispered, overwhelmed by the surge of emotions that suddenly hit me.

"I promise, darling." He whispered looking into my eyes. "I love you," He cupped my face, his eyes full of sincerity and passion that burned with flaming desire.

I held his wrist that held my face as I left a feather-like kiss on his wrist. "I love you too, San" I smiled at him with all the warmth in my heart, gazing at him as if he was my entire world—and it wasn’t a lie. He truly was my world, and I was committed to following him wherever he went. From the moment I saw him, I knew we were destined for each other. 

Then he kissed me carefully his lips moving against mine in a possessive way, like he wanted to ensure I was his forever, his hands pulling me closer to him, locking me in, as if I wanted to run away from him, but that was the last thing I wanted to do. I kissed him back reassuring him I was never going to leave him.

Our story had only just begun, and I was eager to discover what destiny had in store for us. The red strings bound us together to connect us so we could fight the obstacles that life would throw our way. It was easier to fight against the bad things when you had someone by your side.

Choi San had me, and I had Choi San—together, we were ready for whatever came next. 

[abbysdruidess]

˜”°•.˜”°• headcanons about you and abby's wedding - modern au •°”˜.•°”˜

wc: 1.1k

warnings: wedding w modern au(obvs), crying, tooth rotting fluff, allusions to sex, no use of y/n

a/n: lmk what you guys think of this one and whether you'd like more of reader and Abby in this universe! don't hesitate to send any requests<33

this is sort of on theme with a previous fic where abby proposes to you, this one can be read as a standalone though:))

❦ after the proposal, you guys hurrying too much to get the wedding off the road and on the rails- you're still extremely proud and giddy to call each other your fianceé, and you've sent about 100 pictures of your wedding ring to everyone.

❦ it isn't until one night where you're having dinner over at jerry's that he brings up the wedding preparations and you're like oh shit, you two kinda need to haul ass and start sending invites.

❦ you decided on a small affair, only your immediate families and close friends over. I imagine that in the insistence of your future brother in law Lev you sent out RSVP invitations that were ocean themed with cute little sharkies on the front that say in a vast ocean of people we found each other(💀). A lot of people found them pretty funny though, and Lev was pretty excited about them.

❦ on par with the beach theme of your engagement, you decided to have the wedding on a beautiful beach resort in the beginning of June-not too hot, not too cold;)-with the ceremony and the reception on the shore.

❦ of course, you couldn't leave out the bachelorette party! You and Abby travel to Vegas with your respective friend groups for a weekend of clubbing and partying in general. And lets be fr, someone from either of two groups ends up getting lost and you have to recover him Hangover style. Thank God you didn't arrange for it the day before the wedding.

❦ the days before the upcoming event are mostly a blur, both of you making last minute arrangements about the food, the flowers, the music. Your gown with the final adjustments is delivered and you have to hide it in a fridge box in the basement so Abby won't take a peek.

❦ "But baaabe, I just wanna see what it looks like! You know this stuff about bad luck isn't actually legit." "I know, but it will be more exciting to see the final look at the wedding. I promise you."

❦ finally the big day is here! And let me just say, as a very emotionally constipated person, you'd probably be a little teary eyed all day long. When you put on your gown and look at yourself in the mirror and realise that holy shit, I'm about to marry the love of my life, my Abigail, she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. And this just hits you all at once and a few tears run down your chin.

❦ if you have any wedding traditions from your culture that you'd like to honour, Abby would be 100% down for it. It makes her feel closer to you, and part of the new family she's going to be in. She also really likes listening to its origins and what it's supposed to represent. In my country, we do this thing where the wedding squad writes all their names down in the couples' shoes and by the end of the night whoever's name is the most smudged is the one who's going to get married first. Let's be real, if they did this, it'd probably Manny whose name had almost disappeared and he'd freak the fuck out.

❦ once you're ready to walk down the aisle, and you glance at Abby you let out a small ᵍᵃˢᵖ at the sight, with Abby dressed to the nines and a glowing expression on her beautiful face. Her mouth also formed a little O at the sight of you, ready to become her wife, looking so so happy and a slightly teary eyed.

❦ during the actual ceremony, you two keep stealing glances at each other, smiling kinda goofily like :]. You two are goobers fr.

❦ for the vows, I think the game establishes that Abby is a big bookworm, so she chooses something perhaps from Emily Bronte or Jane Austen. Of course this isn't the entirety of what she wrote, she just finds it more accurate to express her love for you through someone's else perfectly adept words.

❦ once the reception kicks in, you're carefully wiping tears from your eyes so you don't smudge your makeup, and take some photos with the wedding party on the beach. You're accepting everyone's congratulations for your newlywed status, and settling down to prepare for your first dance.

❦ you had decided on dancing to Por Una Gabeza, and had actually rehearsed the slow tango a couple times so your movements are synchronised. By the end of the dance, you're in each other's arms, cheek to cheek simply enjoying the moment.

❦ by the time you've finished you meal, the party is in full swing, and you join in for a few dances until you decide on a cake break and allow Yara to be Abby's dancing partner. By the way, your wedding cake? Exquisite, chocolate ice cream with strawberry.

❦ I also imagine you guys doing the whole tossing the bouquet thing and -surprise surprise!-it ends up on Manny's lap on accident. He almost leaves.

❦ by the night, you're both clinging to each other, ready to resume your lives as Mrs and Mrs, and also ready to break into the bridal bed. Seriously, you can feel Abby's fingers feeling up your thigh and she's been whispering the things she wants to do to you all night. By 2 in the morning you're home, very much exhausted by the preparations and the emotional high, but also very ready to let Abby peak what's under your bridal gown.

❦ for wedding gifts to each other? She hands you two tickets for some exotic island you guys always talked about going, and make it your honeymoon. You get her an antique vinyl record player, because she had always been going about getting something to listen music to while cooking. Needless to say you both love each other's gifts:D

❦ a week or so after the ceremony you receive the photographs, and Abby makes it her duty to hand them on every corner of the house. Seriously, at some point, you could see a photo of you two in your field of vision pretty much about everywhere.

❦ her favourite one remains in her desk, one where you two are about to leave, sweaty and drunk, the camera capturing your musky faces as you sit on her lap clinging for dear life. It's so sweet and endearing, and it reminds her why she married you in the first place.

[rabbit-surfboard]

Fictional podcast recs

One of my friends got into audio drama and I just sent them a whole list of recommendations to go through, I thought someone who follows these tags might also appreciate it and perhaps have some more to throw in. I resisted the urge to throw in the little blurb about audio dramas as a weird little medium and their tropes that I wrote up. It was something to the effect of nodding at how the medium has rapidly been improving since Welcome to Nightvale started, also how a lot of the tropes that tie the medium together are products of the indie podcast scene being accessible and primarily based in audio. Also at how well horror works in the format. Those paragraphs went unsaved but writing first about the medium in general helped me to reflect on a lot of the things that make audiodramas appealing or repulsive to me for discussing each show in brief beyond just explaining what they're about.

All recommendations are tagged for the tldr.

Fiction podcast recommendations in no particular order:

The Magnus Archives

Horror

The biggest criticism I ever had of this podcast’s voice acting from episode 1 turned out to be a relevant plot point. This thing is probably the best of the best, but I would never recommend it to someone unfamiliar with podcasts because the listener only notices a plot hook somewhere between episodes 20-40 and that’s daunting in the face of a 200 episode show. Getting sucked in rewards you with 200 episodes of thoughtful content and a great explanation for most of the weird things this show chooses to incorporate.

Old Gods of Appalachia

Horror

Fantastic production quality on this ongoing show. Many seasons with interconnected lore and a hell of a narrator. It’s not my personal favorite but it’s quite excellent.

Red Valley

Found footage mystery

One of the newer shows I’ve gotten into, Red Valley is well-crafted. It becomes compelling very quickly with a rapid pace that slows down to land in a neat spot for a while so you can savor the cool parts. The production quality is excellent and the two main voice actors have excellent chemistry. The third and final season is currently being produced.

The Silt Verses

Horror

Often compared to American Gods, this newer podcast made by an experienced team is doing a lot of creative and fresh things at once. The magnificently fucked up religious system of The Silt Verses is both a neat plot vehicle and cleanly works as a criticism of late stage capitalism, where many podcasts like to jab at capitalism this one is much more pointed in its commentary. Episodes are long and very well produced. All the credits in the third season have been mostly diegetic and add flavor to the world.

Archive 81

Found footage horror

Slow to start but by season 2 the production quality and plot are among the best in the game. Unfortunately, on an extended hiatus.

Ars Paradoxica

Science fiction, historical

Very well produced considering its age, this is a highly regarded show among people who follow the medium. Excellent time travel mechanics here. The plot drags a bit by the end because time travel stories must violently contort themselves into a conclusion, but the first season or two are fantastic and it’s always nice to have an ending instead of interminable hiatus.

Caravan

Gay demons n stuff

Showed up, did magic and gay shit, disappeared and went on hiatus probably with some kinda unsatisfying cliffhanger seeing as I don’t remember the plot. Could I recommend it in good faith? Not until they at least cough up season 2. I don’t remember it being bad and that alone is notable for the medium.

Mabel

Gothic horror

This is the deepest cut on the list except for maybe Caravan. Lesbians pine at each other for increasingly complicated reasons, eventually devolving into them doing datura and then spewing cryptic poetry together for the rest of their days. The production quality is fair. The slow windup and creepy house are American-gothic af. This show has had a few hiatuses, but each time it comes back significantly more intriguing.

Welcome to Nightvale

Goofy spooky news broadcast

Old and iconic, not very consistent. Sometimes explores emotional, tense, spooky, or funny scenes well, but the show is really focused on being local news for an ooky spooky desert town because Cecil is damn good at his job. Don’t come here looking for plot, it’s a fun vibe and I don’t know that anybody’s ripped it off and notably improved on this classic. Above average production quality for its time which improved through the years.

Alice isn’t Dead

USA road trip, horror

Made by at least one of the Nightvale writers, totally different show with a lesbian trucker making wry observations of some magnificently twisted shit seen around the United States. The producers know how to run a show, so the production is pretty good.

Tanis

Found footage horror

Tanis is not good. However, it was the first fiction podcast to make me ask “Is this real?” and hesitantly believe it for a frankly embarrassing number of episodes. The stories in the first season were interesting and the lore is just some big-tent conspiracy style of cramming a bunch of fun Wikipedia research into what turns out to be an increasingly nonsensical plot. Every season after the second, I return to hate-listen and am gaslit into thinking the show might low-key rock a few episodes before the finale, which is routinely frustrating and makes sure to throw out any good plot points Terry Miles comes up with. The acting is routinely terrible, and the frame narrative allows lazy and frequent retcons, ruining what I think is a good premise. Also it’s incomplete.

The Black Tapes

Horror

Terry Miles started this show before Tanis began releasing about 5 months later. I think of it as one of his earlier works because it behaves like Tanis with an added layer of cringe from a time waster of an awkward romance(?) between the two main characters. I couldn’t finish this show. You won’t see this recommended as often as it used to be online because there’s many better shows now, but this used to be a big deal. There’s a bunch of memes making fun of the annoying cadence of the characters’ speech and iconic sponsorship reads in both this and Tanis. If you’re interested in some cringe atop your creepypasta podcast, the two are interchangeable.  

Rabbits

ARG investigation

Not as horror focused as Terry Miles’ other shows, the cringe is dialed down and the show is better for it. Tanis and The Black Tapes are more well known, I think the only reason more people don’t think about this one is because the first two don’t inspire trust in the production or narrative quality of this show, but I remember it being fine for a season. I have not gone back to catch up now that more is out.

Malevolent

Horror

Inspired by The King in Yellow, one man performs two voices and verbally abuses himself with aplomb. Having a blind main character with an extra voice in his head is a frame story I haven’t heard yet (unless it came up in the magnus archives and I don’t remember), the concept works out great for the frame of a podcast to deploy the environmental imagery that foley cannot communicate. It also prevents the podcast trope of lengthy exposition about visual surroundings from sounding awkward or potentially impacting someone’s character development to show setting.

Wolf 359

Comedy, science fiction

A crew of whacky characters is stuck in deep space, hanging out and researching a star. Since that’s not actually very interesting they crack jokes and fuck around for a slow burn until interesting stuff happens. Good but not great, this one is long and satisfying and a bit less heavy than all the horror this medium often focuses on. Decent production quality.

The White Vault

Found footage horror

I lost patience with this podcast even though the overarching story seemed very cool – it progresses very slowly yet appears to grow bigger and more confusing instead of deigning to answer basic questions for a frustratingly long drag through the first four seasons. I worry that this frustration may be the point and the Patreon gated stories are the drivers for this tendency towards the confusing patchwork of ideas this show communicates. The production quality is good though.

The Left Right Game

Found footage horror

Genuinely great reddit creepypasta got turned into an overproduced podcast – I say “over” in comparison to the voice acting quality because it’s kind of impossible to sell some of the lines, which makes sense considering the source. Brief, complete, punchy, interesting, and just a little odd to hear such a clean production but a creepypasta this fun deserves the effort.

Wooden Overcoats

Comedy

Surprisingly good production quality for its age, and also a refresher from the usual tropes of the medium. Just a chill sitcom about a funeral parlor in a small town. I haven’t finished this 4 season show yet but its good.

The Black List Table Reads

Movie script readings

Some movie scripts just short of making the cut to be turned into a full Hollywood production were well liked enough by a group of film nerds that sat down to act them out as a podcast. Half of the episodes are interviews with screenwriters, and the other half see a script read all the way through by actors. They’re all rejected for different reasons so there’s a pretty broad spread of genres. My favorites were Blood From a Stone and Balls Out.

[lacystar]

some of my favorite and least favorite details from royal:

when you go with sumire to the shrine and bump into the rest of the thieves, they basically say they all agreed to go together. this is backed up by futaba saying she's going in the morning. this means they specifically went out of their way to not invite you. either theyre shady as fuck towards joker or they knew you were gonna be on a date and didn't want to bother you, but I think its funnier to go with the first one

most of the people in Tokyo's dreams coming true bc of the actualization are met with some doubt or confusion from family members, as seen in passing conversations and the loading screens. this is to show the cracks in the plan and how the actualization hasn't been . well. fully actualized yet. however, the phantom thieves told maruki what they want directly and therefore have their realities so tailor made to them that you have to go out of your way to break them out of it. this includes Morgana. but the only ppl who can hear Morgana are people with personas. this means that some time between Christmas and new years, maruki heard Morgana saying he wanted to be a human and decided to go "fuck it, sure, the cat that the weird kid owns but that ive never met can have his wish too". this tracks because maruki has a persona and is not shocked or confused when he sees Morgana in the metaverse.

Yusuke did not wish for his dead mom to be alive again. just for her painting to hit the trending tab 😭

even if you are dating sumire, like I was, she will not say goodbye to you or give you a parting gift. this creates the awkward situation of her saying goodbye to you at the station with an unusual coldness and disassociation from you, even if you and her are boyfriend and girlfriend. I actually hate this. why the fuck isn't my girlfriend saying goodbye to me.

the winter outfits are the best designed outfits in the game. ann and makoto are in ugly 2010's H&M shit for 90% of the game and then get a fresh wardrobe for the new years.

in contrast, maruki's villain outfit is so fucking ugly. he looks like a golden toenail. the final villain in your game and you have him looking like that? come on man.

not royal exclusive, but Morgana has a talking sprite of himself in his cat form. for some reason, they refused to use this until the end of the game when he "loses" his metaverse form. this makes absolutely no sense, as the talking sprites of every other character changes on their clothes/appearence. why doesn't Morgana's change to his cat version in the real world and why doesn't he just have his "true" form in the metaverse. for some reason, this frustrates me to no end.

when you date sumire, she will not shut the fuck up about her dead sister. also, 90% of your relationship with her is based around her false identity she assumed of her dead sister. you are basically dating this girl's dead sister.

^^^ this is not helped by the fact that her "sumire" sprite looks ugly as fuck and she only looks cute when she's cosplaying as her dead sister. the devs even knew this and changed her back to her Kasumi sprite as soon as they justifiably could 😭

speaking of, royal REALLY REALLY makes it obvious that they see joker x sumire as the canon romance. in the base game I think they saw it as makoto or Haru, but in royal its uncanny how much they push you into dating her. however, she's objectively the worst girl to date because you can only date her at the very end of the game, and therefore only get to experience valentines and white day with her, whereas with most of the other girls you get Hawaii, Christmas, the school fair, etc.

^^^ however, this makes sense, as the realization that you were never dating sumire and instead were instead dating her dead sister would probably come as an uncomfortable surprise to the player. atlus had no choice but to wait until the truth came out to let you date her. they wrote themselves into a corner and then were unable to show off the character who has the biggest model on the poster 😭

when you go around and get goodbye gifts, you cannot say goodbye to certain phantom thieves members if you haven't maxed them out. this resulted in a weird situation where I hadn't maxed out makoto, Haru, and ann, and therefore joker, despite that in universe having helped them through trauma and loss and difficult times, did not say goodbye to some of of his closest friends and teammates . I understand not getting a goodbye gift from them, but its SUPREMELY weird that you dont get a one-on-one goodbye if you dont max their confidants 😭

not royal exclusive, but shinya Oda's voice acting (English) is so fucking terrible its actually laughable. in a game with outstanding voice acting, the fact that this 12 year old sounds like a 50 year old woman really sticks out. this is unfortunate, because Oda is one of my fav confidants and makes him hard to take seriously, but also fortunate because its fucking hilarious.

Akechi's evil Loki costume is ugly as fuck, but is saved singlehandedly because he's wearing thigh-high boots. if you dont believe me, look closely at his thighs. you'll see it.

maruki looks like wilbur soot and it really unsettles me.

[dawnbreakerluna]

i was inspired by many creators talking about this but here are some of my formal criticisms of l&ds because no matter how much i love this game and find it near-perfect, there are still flaws!

zayne's english voice lines. while it didn't bother me on the level that it did most in the past, i do think infold could do a great service of rerecording the interaction lines. they finally found the right footing for his tone and how to capture his character with the later affinity content and the recent events / main story chapter. please! i beg! (i'm already aware the localization isn't top tier but i feel this is a somewhat doable fix, though tedious.)

the timing of banners. in this economy? insane. also i'm gonna be real, i'm unemployed right now (it was an unfortunate circumstance) and my means of finding a proper job is honestly difficult with my full load of classes. it's hard being a f2p player especially when the rewards for grinding isn't as hefty as i'd like it to be. i think it's decent for what it is right now, but it could be better. also... they need to space this shit out. LMAO. i've played my fair share of gacha and otome games, yes, but with how fast-paced the updates for this game is, infold could at least offer some more in-game benefits or rewards. (ex. giving out free 10 pulls... if you're going to do a quad banner, i wouldn't mind 40 free pulls as i could just grind the rest during the duration of that event.)

increasing rewards for daily tasks/challenges/etc. because what am i gonna do with 30-50 gens per card upgrade, and so on and so forth. i also would like a new update to the abyssal chaos deductions. maybe upgrade the rewards cap since so many of us (i assume) have already maxed it out. unfortunately as a girlie who fucking loves hack and slash games, abyssal chaos is my favorite game mode and it doesn't stress me out. (a bitch is STRUGGLING with her protocore levels right now.)

infold's stance on lgbtq+ fan content. i already wrote a post here somewhat related to this. while i'm talking fans specifically, infold's stance is what i feel significantly influences the homophobic behavior. yes, we know it's an otome game. yes, we know what otome means. but i just call it what it is and i think the love interests are not confined to strict heterosexuality and the norms of it.

the characterization and treatment of the LIs. i'll be honest one of the huge turn offs for me for rafayel is the way the mc's responses are programmed towards him. while i don't mind banter in the way that it's done for zayne/sylus, i don't like how snarky it is on the player's end for rafayel. also, i know i'm a pervert on the main but i do think infold could chill a bit on the hypersexualization in certain instances (sylus). because there's no way you're gonna give me 50% and then not fulfill the rest. this is the worst kind of foreplay.

i've seen a few instances of people from cn explaining that there's setbacks due to cultural norms, etc. that would prevent something like a card with fully explicit sex being made. that's why there's only sexually implicit content. (if anyone could provide context on this or confirm, do add!) ((yes, i've seen the car sex card from mqlc... need that with zayne actually.))

every day i'm thankful for the misty invasions event, but i still have hope for more. i guess what i'm trying to say is that infold is already on a good run with making this game as to appeal to a more mature audience, yet... THERE COULD BE MORE. idk.

[animentality]

Tavtash leaves such a sour taste in my mouth. Like they could have had durgetash but they were too set on playing a manic pixie dream girl who is super sweet and lovely except that oh yeah she's fucking a mass murderer and a slaver

You know what's really funny to me?

I wrote a 5000 word rant about disliking Tavtash, and I think Tavs in general ruined the story of Baldur's Gate, but then I deleted it. Because people here just want me to fuel their Durgetash/Gortash thirst by making the funnies and the angsties.

They don't care to read things that challenge their viewpoints, offer a strong negative opinion, or encourage them to think critically.

And I know people wouldn't agree with it. Ultimately, that's why I delete a lot of rants. I come here so people can stroke my ego. I don't generally come here to start fights, because that simply bores me.

So it's just comedic to me that I get this anon, right as I deleted that post.

Because I'm glad someone understands.

Like oh, I'm sorry, you're too "nice" to pick the Dark Urge?

But you have no problem blowing a slaver?

You're like the stereotypical 90s love interests who are "nice girls" but also inexplicably dating a dude who knocks a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs. How the fuck can you be "nice" and compassionate, while the dude you're fucking is a sociopathic felon?

Durgetash works for TWO reasons.

Reason 1: They are both fucking awful, and we all know it. Them torturing and ruining each other is a tragic romance with broken teeth, and we enjoy the low moan of a dying animal, tearing itself apart in distress. They start evil, they end evil. Evil horny bastard sex. Tavtash could never be so demented.

Don't jump into bed with Enver Gortash if you intend to keep your hands clean either.

Reason 2: The Dark Urge was given a second chance, even though they didn't deserve it, and took it. They were given the opportunity to fix their mistakes in game. Gortash doesn't get that. The romance is in the tragedy of, he could never be saved. And you cannot save him, even as you save the rest of the world. You grow, and he stays behind.

The romance is in the longing and the yearning for something that is no longer there. The camaraderie of two lonely people...who were separated, and never ever came back together again. It's also about how you were born evil, but chose redemption, while he was born innocent, but chose damnation. Durgetash operates well on this level because it's always equality of opposites. It is character development, mirrored. And it's fascinating to consider.

And what does Tavtash have going on?

It's someone Gortash just met who has something he wants, who may or may not want to kill him but he's desperate enough to throw his eggs in that particular basket. And on Tav's side, it's weird because it's like omg.

I just met him, and he ruined my life, he put a fucking tadpole in my head, and I'm close to becoming a mindless monster without any free will, something he DIRECTLY did to me and my loved ones -

But I still think he's hot.

Hm. ok. that might be amusing if there wasn't a better precursor for a relationship sitting right there beneath you. rotting in Orin's dungeon.

I won't deny, Durgetash might be absolutely nuts - but it will never be as nuts as Tavtash.

But anyway. You didn't hear that from me.

If anyone asks, I looooove Tavtash. I loooooove Tavs. Especially YOUR Tav.

[transmascutena]

Akio’s narrative and what it means to be “special”

Here's a bit of a rambly analysis I wrote about the concept of being "special" or "chosen" and what it means within the narrative of Revolutionary Girl Utena, as well as the biased framing of the narrative itself. It also became kind of a character analysis of Akio on accident.

General trigger warning for mentions of grooming, incest and victim blaming. Contains spoilers for the whole show.

In the world of Ohtori Academy, being “special” is synonymous with being a victim of Akio.

In episode 20, when Utena goes to Akio for advice regarding the situation with Wakaba, he reveals his philosophy about there being two kinds of people in the world: those who are special, and those who are not. He tells Utena that she is special, while implying that Wakaba is not. This is a textbook grooming tactic, making a kid feel special/important/mature/whatever in the eyes of an adult to gain their trust and emotionally distance them from their peers, but what I find interesting about this scene in hindsight is that the reason Utena is “special” in the first place is because of Akio. He’s the one who gave her the ring that made her part of the dueling game (part of the narrative), he and by extension Anthy are the ones who presumably manipulate the duels to give Utena the power of Dios that lets her win, and he’s the one who inspired her to become a prince, which is what makes her classmates view her as special too. In a way, Utena is a chosen one protagonist, but we come to realize that it’s only true in the sense that the villain has chosen her as his victim. Akio is not interested in Utena because she’s special, as he would like her to believe, but rather she becomes “special” because Akio has an interest in her — and had it since she was a vulnerable and impressionable child. (I believe that it was Akio who found her in the coffin, not Dios. Although I will also get to the idea that Dios might never have existed in a bit.)

What about the rest of the cast? Aside from Utena and Anthy, our main characters, the people who are designated as special by the narrative are the student council. The duelists who received their rings from End of the World. Again we have Akio deciding who gets to special within the world itself and within the story, and he is deliberately choosing people who are vulnerable, people who all have this fucked up idea about what love looks like. There is nothing special about them, really, apart from them being the exact kinds of people most vulnerable to being taken advantage of by Akio.

Of course this idea he has of people is a false one, but it does have a real impact on the social hierarchy of the school, how people perceive each other, and especially how people perceive themselves. The main example of this is Wakaba, whose duel is all about the frustration of being a side character, but really it extends to all of the Black Rose Duelists. They get their time in the spotlight, their focus episode. They get to be special, but like Akio says in episode 20, it’s only for a short time. It’s only as long as they’re useful to him. It makes sense why Wakaba is angry, and feels looked down on, but with this interpretation of what being special actually means for the characters in Utena, it is perhaps a good thing that she isn’t.

This viewpoint Akio has of the special and the non-special, and how much it frames the narrative of Utena, leads me to believe that the show, or at least a lot of it, can interpreted as being framed by him. The most direct example of this is episode 33, where many of the scenes are literally framed from his point of view, but I do think it extends to a lot of the narrative as a whole. It explains why Utena is the main character, since she’s the duelist whose abilities Akio is focused on cultivating throughout the plot. We find out in episode 13 that he has been watching her duel, and that he thinks there’s a chance she’ll make it to the final one. This implies that, at least symbolically, the first 12 episodes are him watching her to try to figure out her potential. He is not literally “behind the camera” as he is in episode 33, instead he has more of a director role. We know that he has some kind of semi-omniscient perspective of the school and what goes on in it, and I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say that that is what we are seeing when we watch the show, at least to an extent. It also explains why he is rarely obviously framed as the villain. We know he is because of the horrible things we see him do, and the show knows it too, but a lot of the time as he’s doing them, there’s a weird sort of cognitive dissonance between the between the framing/presentation of the scene and the horrifying contents of it, which makes it really unsettling. In particular I’m thinking of the weirdly upbeat and romantic music in episode 30. Akio’s grooming of Utena is often presented as this fairy tale-esque romance, because that’s how he wants her (and us?) to see it. Despite the sinister things going on in that episode, the only thing ever framed as such is Anthy. So let’s talk about her now.

The idea that the story of Utena is framed, directed and narrated by Akio really calls into question whether or not we can take his and Anthy’s backstory as presented at face value, and even aside from the symbolic and metaphorical nature of it, I really don’t think we can. I think Akio intentionally paints himself as a victim in it, someone who was once good but isn’t anymore because someone else (Anthy) made him that way. He has constructed this narrative where he is not at fault for anything he does, because his power to be good is literally locked away somewhere, when really, he could just stop being so fucking horrible.

I’m honestly inclined to take him at his word when he says “there never was a prince in this world to begin with” in episode 38. Dios never really existed, both in that the idea of The Prince (as well as The Princess and The Witch) is a constructed role and a metaphor, but also in that Akio was never a different person. He might have been kind once, but that wasn’t taken from him by anybody, he just grew up and he decided to hurt people. Did something tragic happen to him and Anthy to shape the cynical way he views the world? Absolutely. But it’s not an excuse he can use to justify everything like he tries to do. Several times throughout the show we see Akio pushing blame away from himself; he tells Anthy that it’s the world that’s hurting her, not him, in episode 37. In episode 38 he says she “enjoys being a witch.” And he’s not the only one to use Anthy as a scapegoat and blame her for things that aren’t her fault—this is something most characters do just as much as they project their desires onto her—but if he is framing the narrative this way, and that is what impacts the viewpoints of everyone else, then it does all circle back to him in the end.

I think part of him genuinely believes it too, that his own biased reframing of the story is the truth, and that this is how he copes with the guilt he feels for what he does. But of course the guilt is never stronger than his selfishness, which is why he never changes. And I think Anthy has internalized his version of these events as well, which is part of why she’s so trapped. She believes all of it is her fault, that he is the way he is because of her. This is not to say that Anthy is a blameless or innocent person, because she isn’t and she does hurt other people, but the idea that the abuse is somehow mutual between her and Akio or that they’re in any way on a level playing field in their relationship is simply not true. When he says his “Must you still torture me?” line in episode 34, that’s not some revealing insight into her having the upper hand the whole time, actually, it’s just him projecting his guilt and blaming her for his actions again. All she does in this scene to make him react like that is say “Good night, brother,” and to me it has always read as him being upset at being reminded of his role in all of this as the abuser. He cannot stand the fact that he is the one in the wrong here, and he has to make himself believe that Anthy is the one making him do it. Classic victim blaming in action here. It’s worth noting that she does look sinister when she smiles at him in this scene (and I imagine she does feel satisfaction at getting back at him in whatever tiny ways she can,) but again, if he frames the narrative, he is the one framing her that way in the first place. Anthy is not a witch. Not literally and certainly not within the symbolism and metaphor of the show. That’s a role Akio has cast her in. It’s a role she chooses to play as well, to an extent, but it’s questionable how much choice in the matter she really has.

All of this is why it’s so significant that the show ends when Anthy leaves Ohtori. When she leaves Akio. The narrative is Akio’s, and because Ohtori is Akio’s world, leaving it necessarily means leaving the narrative as well. Which is why we never see Utena and Anthy finding each other, or what is really outside the Academy — Akio’s perspective is just too limited for that, and it isn’t for him to see either.

I also just find it nice that their reunion and relationship doesn’t have to be a Story. They don’t have to be characters anymore, there doesn’t need to be any grand conflict beyond what is expected of being real people in the real world in a real relationship. They aren’t “special” anymore, and they’re not being watched. Not even by us.

(Here’s a fun little bonus about Nanami: I don’t believe every part of the show is framed and directed by Akio, and he certainly has no reason to care about all of Nanami’s silly side-plot shenanigans. So I like to think that all of the more comedic episodes are Anthy’s work. It’s already heavily implied that she’s the one pulling all these pranks on Nanami, and as insult to injury this is Anthy framing her in the most ridiculous way possible on purpose.)

[keruimi]

The Person behind My Passion

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Warning: Angst and Comfort

Note: I wrote this while I was watching an amv about him. Titled: [AMV] Tsukishima Kei - Pride. It inspired me to write this for a better imagination. I suggest you watch it. My first Haikyuu oneshot so enjoy!!!

_____________________________

"I'm quitting"

Those were the words I let out in front of the volleyball team in my second year of high school.

For the reason...

Of not being happy at this place anymore.

"Tsukki! Are you crazy?!" I heard Yamaguchi the moment I stepped out of the gymnasium with my belongings as I didn't bother looking back anymore.

"Tsukki!" I kept hearing him calling for my name until I felt my ears block any sounds from my surroundings.

Until I finally felt the strange throb in my chest.

Right...

I don't love volleyball. Because it's one of the reasons for my  trust issues. The reason why someone lied to me.

But right now... I'm asking why I gave it another chance.

A second chance to dedicate myself to it again.

Volleyball was my hobby before, until it became my passion the moment I proved myself worthy to be a player in the court.

All of it started, because of one lady that caught my interest.

"I want to see you in court. In the volleyball court"

That was her first request from me. The request that made her close to me.

The sport that helped me build my relationship with her.

The game that made me see the happiest moment of her life. The plays that made her my proudest fan.

I felt a tear slide from my cheek.

The game that made her love me deeper, but was never enough to make her stay at all.

Fuck...

I feel like I'm losing myself

~•°•~

"I don't believe that Tsukki would quit like that so easily!" I shouted in frustration towards my fellow members as I held back my tears.

I will make sure he stays.

After all, I believe he started to love volleyball again.

"Yamaguchi"

"Tsukki" I felt myself start as I properly stood up. "He's the type of person to love something the moment he starts to be happy with it"

"I don't dare believe he would leave wholeheartedly"

"Why are you leaving?! I thought you began to love it again?" I managed to catch up to him when he halted from his steps.

I grabbed his uniform and made him turn to look at me but I stopped when I saw how he gazed at me.

It feels so foreign to me.

"What's wrong Tsukki"

"Please tell me"

Silence settled around us as I fisted my hands when those seconds turned minutes.

"Tsukki!"

"I have no reason to stay"

"Because she was the reason I played"

"I will make sure to bring him back"

~•°•~

Why did we end up in this way?

A man who once stood beside her, can just silently linger his gaze on her.

I look away with that thought as I put my headphones on my ears to block the voices of the people around me.

I hate how my heart can't stop aching.

Where did it go wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

I hate when I feel like I am the one who lost everything.

When she was the first one to love me.

"How was it?" She asked me as I lent her my jacket before we started walking back home.

"It was fine" I told her as I heard her hum happily that moved my heart a little.

"I am so happy you got accepted. Rest assured, you would always see me in your games" she declared wholeheartedly as I nod, going along with her words.

Silence surrounds both of us when she notices I kept my mouth shut.

I just stopped walking when I didn't hear her next footsteps. I looked back and saw how she stayed still in her place while looking at the sky above us.

"I love you because you play volleyball..." She whispered before she lowered her head for our eyes to meet each other.

"But I didn't know seeing you play again would be one of the memories I choose to cherish." She chuckled before she went closer until she stopped in front of me.

"You really made me happier, Kei"

The woman who made my heart skip a bit, would be the same person to break me into pieces.

She started everything...

But she was also the same woman who left me with nothing...

I felt someone stood beside me that made me glance at them and saw her.

I didn't bother talking as I stood up to leave.

"I heard you quit"

Those were her first words that made me scoff.

"That's right" I told her as I fix my things as the class reaches its end.

"Why" I didn't fail to notice how her voice turned to whispers that made me scoff.

It is not obvious?

"Why did you leave?"

That I only played volleyball for her.

"Because I chose to"

"Kei" she called out when I answered her as I zipped my bag close.

"You made me hate it" I honestly admit to her as I saw how her eyes widened a little.

"I never wanted to play that sport again until you came into my life. A woman who reminded me how I loved volleyball back then" I looked back at her.

"I hate myself for giving it another chance" I continued as I properly faced her.

"Just because of one woman"

She stayed still facing me as I saw her contemplate whether to say the words she was thinking or stay silent.

"Tell me what you wanted to tell me" I sighed as I let my hands fall to the side.

"Does Kei hate me?"

I looked down on her who chose to not look at me as I felt my chest tightening.

"I hate you so badly"

Because I started to love you truly.

"You love volleyball" I started before I gazed on the window behind her to see how the sun started to set.

"But it was just a club for me" I muttered. "I have no reason to keep going for it"

"I'm sorry"

I heard her but I was so numb that her apology felt so empty.

It felt nothing...

I felt myself leave the room as I let my feet and took me to where it decided to guide me.

And I saw myself staring at the open gym doors of the volleyball court.

Great...

I felt myself getting suffocated when all of the feelings I felt in this gymnasium went back to me.

When can I have peace of mind?

Why is everything blurry in my mind?

These are the times I need to keep my cool.

But I felt my cold barrier broke when Nishinoya was the one who stood in front of me.

He silently stared at me before he sat on the bench near the gymnasium while I stayed still in my spot because I got caught.

I wonder what his next words will be...

"Right now, I'm going to blame your impulsive thoughts when you decide to quit the team" he stated with his arms crossed while I saw him look ahead the moment I turned to face him.

"You get the recognition you wanted. A great player you wanted to be. Why did you quit?" He looked up to me and I felt how serious he is on this entire ordeal I started.

"I can't play like how I used to be" I admitted as I leaned on the wall near me.

"I feel like I can't keep my focus back on the game"

That was the truth. Because volleyball reminded me of her.

Now we broke up, it feels like I will lose my entire focus. Since I dedicated the game to her.

"It will be too much for me"

I don't want to drag the whole team because of my heartbreak.

He kept silent that made me close my eyes to cherish the small sounds of balls hitting the floor and the squeaking of the player's shoes.

The sounds that I got accustomed to.

"Do you love volleyball?"

"I don't know" I answered without a second thought. "But.."

"I did love the moment that everyone cheered for me. It was those moments I thought I would never experience"

"Volleyball..."

Was everything for me, like she was to me.

"I love volleyball because I am good at it. And I found the friends I needed" I heard him that made me open my eyes to gaze at his back.

"If that one reason left, find another reason to stay" he stood up from his seat before looking back at me with a smile.

"After all... You began to love volleyball too"

I let him walk past me as the blank color of my mind finally started to fill with thoughts.

His words made me realize. I found the things I love because of volleyball.

I look at my hands that I used to receive the spike of players.

I somehow need to learn how to play with a heavy heart.

It's been three weeks since I finally decided to approach Takeda-sensei to give back the form he returned to me the moment I declared on leaving.

That moment, it felt like everything went back to their own places.

I was glad that the team welcomed me back without side remarks. The things I would usually do if someone is in my shoes.

But that time, I learned to put my happiness in volleyball.

I went back to my usual routine after getting the hang of the break up.

Everything is going as it should be, until I saw her in the library.

She was laying her head in a table as her close eyes captured my attention.

Somewhere deep within me, I wish everything would go back to the way it was before.

Everything...including our relationship.

I remove my eyes from her as I decide to walk to another aisle until I hear her tiredly call for my name that made me halt from my steps.

I looked back and thought she was just sleep talking but I changed my mind when I saw her sit properly while rubbing her eyes.

"You're finally here"

Her words made my mind blank as I looked at her with no emotions.

Do we still need to talk?

"Can we please talk?"

I felt my heart start to feel heavy again as I frown in annoyance because of these feelings.

I still can't get over her.

"Let me get this straight. I don't want you calling for me anymore. You and I are nothing but strangers"

"I'm sorry" she cut me off that made me prevent myself from frowning harder.

"I know. You already told me that"

"Fear took over me" she muttered as she slowly blinked her tears away. "Because you became someone so great, I feel like I'm not deserving of you"

"I felt like you would get tired of me. I thought I could get used to your dismissive character. But it scared me" she didn't give me a chance to cut her off so I finally chose to stay silent.

"I thought I could careless what you think of me, but I didn't know I cared about your words so deeply" she wiped her tears before looking back at me.

"I was afraid I will become no one the moment you reach something bigger. Our future turned blurry the moment your status to the public changes."

"You change to someone better while I am still the same" she sobbed out.

"Until it felt like I don't belong in your world anymore"

~•°•~

"I hate this"

I suddenly started as I heard Yamaguchi let out a small sigh in confusion as I scoffed.

My mind was jumbled again. Just because I met her.

The world keeps testing my patience.

"She apologized to me. She told me the reasons I decided to not seek anymore" I told him as I decided to be the one to stop walking so I can talk to him properly.

"Right now, is it acceptable to just leave or give another chance that will surely break me"

I saw him lift a small smile to me before shaking his head.

"Y/n..." He called out for his name before sitting down on the sidewalk that was in front of me.

"She was the type of person to be happy at small things. But small things can also hurt her easily"

He looked up to me with a small smile.

"Everyone is deserving of a second chance, Tsukki. It was a chance where you could correct all the wrong things." He stated as he sigh before looking at the moon above us.

"Don't deprive her of it. Since you also didn't give her the assurance she needed." He stated truthfully before standing up to face me.

"You should see the slight changes. Especially when you love a woman whose love language is words of affirmation" he chuckled before patting my shoulder.

"Another chance for both of you"

"For a peaceful life"

Those were the times I was thankful that I have Yamaguchi in my life.

Now, the woman who once broke me, was the one who I also decided to embrace.

The moment feels so right.

That I decided to just forget our past and focus on the new relationship we both have.

The person who proves to me that second chance is not always bad.

Sometimes, it is also given to us to correct the mistakes we both had.

Because of her...

Second chances feel so right...

[flymmsy]

do you think that gort used to like karlach at some point? or was he just always faking it to get what he wants? curious about your interpretation of their relationship

I actually wrote about that here! (TLDR: He very much admired her, but Gortash has a fucked up way of showing admiration.)

Karlach and Gortash’s relationship is fascinating. I feel strongly that it was platonic, with perhaps some wiggle room on Karlach's part only because she is really quick to say "it wasn't like that." But I do think that Karlach became one of only a handful of people that Gortash (thought he) cared about.

Gortash on a very base level would never put his security into the hands of someone he didn't trust. A lot of people really wonder "Why Karlach?" - and that's a great question to ask, what is this ~19 y/o (roughly) going to do for you? But it is because it is a bizarre pick that we should look deeper - on the one hand, she's young and impressionable and he can mold her - thats an obvious motivator. But on the other, I strongly believe Gortash saw himself in young Karlach. I also love Karlach and don't want to diminish anything that Gortash did to her, but I am a little skeptical of her "I didn't recognize evil when I saw it" line. I think that's not entirely true - I do think Karlach knew more about what he was (not a Banite, but an Arms Dealer), but she was young enough that she didn't quite understand the true ramifications of that. I think she knew her boss was bad, but didn't think too deeply into just how bad he was and the consequences of his actions. Plus, he gave her financial security she literally never had. As a person who grew up in poverty, yea I'd be willing to overlook a certain degree of shit too for that security.

[And to those who might be unhappy with that take - you're not giving Karlach enough credit. Someone who did bad things/was around bad people and ended up developing into an insanely incredible person in spite of it (and in opposition to it) is a testament to her character AND way more impressive than someone who was just blind and ignorant. She's so much more than that.]

Even more interesting is how genuinely happy Gortash is to see Karlach if you play her origin. It only comes out in this very quick origin-specific interaction - but he actually laughs and sounds different than the entire rest of the game.

"By the Black Hand, I'd recognize that voice anywhere."

Now, I'm insane and overanalyze voice actor's performances all the time, but his voice is immediately rougher and his cadence is different before it shifts back into the regular Gortash voice immediately in the next sentence - "Karlach - it's been an eternity" - as if he's caught himself slipping into something he shouldn't have. Will the real Enver Gortash please stand up?

I've also written about how I think Gortash is genuinely surprised that Karlach is angry with him/blames him for the Hells. It reveals so much about how he's so delusional about his own trauma.

So - in short - I feel that Gortash would say Karlach was one of the closest people to him ever and fully mean it. It's just that she happened to be close to someone who was a terrible, terrible person.

[chrissv4mp]

hey!! your writing is too fucking good omg. would you be down to write a cute celebration with olivia rodrigo, where the reader is an athlete and makes the winning basket or smth??

my champion 🏆💞

warnings: none!

author's note: HIHI ur so sweet, tysm☹️🫶🏼 also, more olivia fics out soon bc yall seem to really like them!!🙈 this is a little short bc im like really bad at writing fluff! also olivia being a basketball gf... AHHHH very VERY old thing i wrote butttt... i had to keep u guys fed until i get so american out!!

pairing: fem!reader × olivia rodrigo OR basketball player!reader × olivia rodrigo

_____________

"that's a travel, what the fuck?" you scoffed, resisting the urge to stand up off the bench.

coach collins sighed, rubbing her temple as she looked to the ground. the opposing team bad just made a basket and were now ahead of USC.

you bounced your leg out of stress as you looked up at the scoreboard, 2 more minutes until the fourth quarter, and the state championships, ended.

"we need subs," coach collins said, but your teammates didn't move until she looked back at them darkly.

you didn't move either, assuming that you weren't allowed any playing time since you had been in for a majority of the game.

"y/n, you too." a smile formed on your lips as you stood and ran to quickly kneel on the sideline.

the referee blew the whistle and you and the other 4 girls were allowed on the court. you couldn't help but look up into the crowd, trying to spot your girlfriend.

"c'mon, y/n! woo!" olivia cheered, and you could feel your smile and the urge to win grow.

_____________

15 seconds, and the opposing team had the ball.

they were still up by one point, and you kept cursing yourself for missing baskets.

"shoot the god damn ball!" an audience member yelled, and the girl who had the ball obeyed.

it bounced off the rim, falling straight into your hands. you didn't hesitate to sprint down the court, stopping just at the 3-point line.

you had to make this or USC would lose. you would lose.

inhaling deeply, you bent your knees and then jumped, watching as the ball rolled off your fingertips and into the air.

3 seconds, the crowd informed as they counted down. the ball hit the rim, but it didn't bounce back.

2 seconds, the ball spun around the orange rim, and you could feel your nerves coming back.

1 second, the ball went in.

the crowd erupted in cheerful roars, screams being heard from your team as they ran up to you.

your mouth fell open, shock being visible on your face as one of your teammates came to pat you on the back.

"let's go, y/n!" she yelled, smiling.

_____________

after the small celebration with your team and a quick shower, you began to make your way down the hall towards the exit.

just as you were about to pass a hallway, olivia jumped out at you and pulled you into her embrace.

your eyes widened for a second, but then you wrapped your arms around her lovingly, resting your chin on her shoulder and breathing in her perfume.

"you did great, babe." she muttered, pulling away from the hug before grabbing your face and kissing you.

smiling, you grabbed her waist, bringing your bodies closer together before muttering against her lips, "thank you, liv. i wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

olivia pulled away before showering your face with kisses again, holding you tightly.

"hey, let's get out of here, yeah?" you suggested, grabbing hold of her hand and beginning to walk out of the building.

liv nodded, not being able to take her eyes off of you.

"what're you looking at?" you laughed as you got into the car, buckling your seat belt as you put your keys into the ignition.

"you. you're just so pretty." she mused, reaching over to grab your hand again.

the car ride home wasn't at all silent due to olivia congratulating you ever 5 seconds. she was such a sweet girl, you didn't understand why other people didn't think so.

as the two of you approached your home, olivias smile widened, her grip on your hand just a little tighter, "i knew you guys would win, y'know?"

you smirked, looking over at her as you parked the car in your driveway, "yeah?"

the brunette nodded, "yeah, that's why i did something special. just for you, baby."

"c'mon." she smiled, getting out of the car.

your smirk turned to a smile as you got out of the car, following liv inside of the house and out to the backyard.

your mouth fell agape as you saw the scene outside. there was a small blanket on the grass, on top of it was a picnic basket with pillows laying just beside it.

"liv, oh my god." you mumbled, grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

"surprise, love." she said, kissing your cheek before leading you to the sit beside her on the blanket.

_____________

it wasn't long until the sun had set and the both of you were lying down and looking up at the stars, hands intertwined.

the only sounds that heard were quiet breaths and the gentle gusts of wind every now and then.

you loved whenever it was like this, just you and your girlfriend alone, sitting in comfortable silence.

"i love you." you whispered, turning your head to look over at the beautiful brunette.

liv turned her head just after you, staring at your eyes as she smiled sweetly, "i love you more,"

you rolled your eyes, scoffing as you looked away, "not possible, but okay, liv."

"it is possible?" olivia laughed, squeezing your hand lovingly.

the rest of the night was spent under your guys' shared roof, holding each other tightly and never letting go.

you wondered what you did to deserve liv.

. . .

tags: @strnilolo @heartsforchrisandmatt @iluvmattyb @sturn3g1rl @mstxrniolo @@mattsneezing @ryli3sworld @chrissturnswife @mayhem-72 @mattsbbg @sturn-wrld @stingerayyy2 @freshloveee @films4sturni @h3arts4harry @voidghsts @@lanixsturniolo @thebottledwatersupplier @niicksposts @sluttformatt @junovrsmp4 @freshsturns @333-luvsturns @stvrnslover @twelveozpepsi

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

KATHERINA MINOLA (THE TAMING OF THE SHREW) (CW: Domestic Abuse)

1.) We had to read this for English my senior year. I got so mad at the way she's treated. She's the titular "shrew" of the play. She has to be married off before her younger sister can get married, because that makes sense.

Then the most dogshit man imaginable comes along, and everybody thinks they're perfect. He literally gaslights her and denies her food and water.

Fuck Petruchio and Katherine Minola deserved better!

2.) Literally the whole play is about how she is so awful that the main guy needs to change her entire personality, which he does as a challenge not because he likes her, and then proceeds to her abuse her for the rest of the play. Yet, he is portrayed as the hero, not a villain and she is shown to have "improved" at the end. People will say, oh it's open to interpretation, it can be played different ways, it's satire, but i don't find abuse funny and there is a distinct lack of commentary in the play to count as satire imo. Taming of the Shrew is a tragedy not a comedy, I will die on this hill. Kate deserves better!

3.) The title isn’t joking, ya’ll. She literally gets broken like a rebellious feral animal and it’s treated as a happy ending.

BARBARARA GORDON (DC COMICS) (CW: Ableism)

1.) Famously fridged in 1988, which was so popular with misogynists it became canon. After almost 2 decades of being one of the only disabled characters, was rebooted to a younger, more fun version of herself whose only history is that she was fridged but not disabled by it.

2.) The Killing Joke is one of the biggest comic examples of a female character getting hurt to motivate male characters. Also tbe way different cannons will trade off who her romantic intrest is out of Batfamily is pretty disturbing ranging from Bruce Wayne in Batman the Animated series universe (ew) to Tim Drake in the Arkham games (ew). Not to mention DC now is not letting her grow out of being Batgirl taking away her legacy of other young female heroes taking up her mantle and her getting to mentor them instead forcing her into a Batgirl cycle of purgatory when she was always better as Oracle (Its a little more complicated in the new Batgirl book but its still not solving the issues in a way that feels meaningful enough to make up the damage).

3.) Was shot as angst value for Bruce and her dad, implied to be sexually assaulted in The Killing Joke with absolutely no respect for her long career as Batgirl. When Alan Moore asked if he could, the editor said "cripple the bitch." She became paralyzed from the waist down. THankfully, an actually good writer picked her up from there and then wrote one of the best stories ever written (Oracle Year One: Born from Hope). Was one of the most iconic disabled characters in comic book history, hell, as Oracle, she was definitely up there as one of the most iconic disabled characters ever as well as a fantastic character, period. There were a few moments where people kept trying to make things out of her disability and had her be shitty to other women for no reason but for the most part, she was awesome. During her time In 2011, Dan Didio and some other misogynistic/ableist comic book writers were responsible for "curing" her disability and forcing her back into Batgirl, despite her having shown absolutely no desire to do so, as part of the New 52. They also made it an editorial mandate that she couldn't have glasses, a cool secret base, and her time as Oracle couldn't be referenced. This was because those writers were nostalgic for the 60s Batman show where Babs was played by an actress they all had the hots for and couldn't accept she'd grown up and moved on. That was bad enough, but over time, she's been increasingly deaged and reduced even further to just Dick Grayson's on and off again girlfriend and a generic girlboss. Batgirl of Burnsides burn in hell.

[crescencestudio]

2023: A Year of Connection

Hi everyone!

As I told you last month, this month's "devlog" will be more like an end-of-year recap. For those of you who have known me a while, you'll know that I get ~in my feels~ and Very Nostalgic at the end of the year. And this year is no exception to that.

Looking back on this year, I realize I did much more than I thought I did. The year was filled with so many waves of uncertainty, burnout, and ruts, that I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in the moment. Now that the year has actually wrapped up, I can see that was Once Again my imposter syndrome whispering words of sweet nothings into my ears.

In fact, this year, I find that I did Way More than what I did last year. Crazy, considering how busy I remember 2022 being. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Writing

If there is one thing this bitch did, it's fucking write LFMASODIJ. For all my complaining this year of routes taking too long, getting creative ruts, etc., I still wrote (what I consider) a Very Good amount. While I may not have hit my writing goals that I had set out, I still ended up writing around 255k words in total this year. Most of this being for Alaris, and some of it being for my dissertation (LOL) and other side games, like Intertwine and Jam Games.

This number also doesn't include deleted passages, edited passages, etc., so the amount I've spent writing, reviewing, etc. was Significant this year. Here's to hoping that momentum continues into next year and finishing the rest of Alaris!

Side Games

Something completely unexpected, but that I'll forever be grateful for, was my decision(s) to join game jams this year. It all started with Otojam, a visual novel jam I'd wanted to join for a WHILE.

Intertwine was, without a doubt, one of my most memorable moments from this year. The friends I made/grew closer to during that jam. The people I connected with because of Intertwine. The people I got to work with. Everything about the experience surpassed my expectations, and Van and Summer 2023 will always hold a very special place in my heart because of it. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed that game. It was my first full game I ever released, and I couldn't have been more nervous about it (no literally. I wasn't sleeping and I was nauseous for a week before release).

Knowing there was no "revision" afterwards that I could hide behind or promise that there would be a "better"/"enhanced" version made the release terrifying. But the reception you all gave to it and support from so many friends made me feel so connected and grateful for the community.

The other three side projects were... well, Unexpected. LOL. Before these jams, I'd never wanted to work in team settings, mostly because I have Mad Imposter Syndrome, and I've always imagined I'd be dead weight in any given game dev team. My skills on writing, art, and/or coding alone aren't "exemplary" enough for me to think I, well, deserve to be on a team. But when a couple of short jams were being held by a friend, and teams were being made filled with other friends, I thought maybe I could help, even if it's just to QA/playtest. But I've walked away from each of these experiences learning so much from other talented people and with very dear friends.

Each of these side games truly tested my chops in terms of writing, narrative design, and coding. But I'm glad I challenged myself to take part in each of these experiences because I've walked away with so much more than I would've expected.

Alaris

My Heart. My Soul. And at times, My Worst Enemy.

As much as I may have talked about how I Wasn't making progress on this baby. I, in fact, made A LOT of progress:

Art: 15 CGs, Updated Sprites, Kickstarter Artwork

Commissions: 20 BGs, Complete GUI, Personality/Affection Indicators, Editing, Voice Acted Lines, Complete OST (8 Tracks!)

Writing: Three Finished Routes

Shipped Kickstarter Merchandise

I'm going to be Real with you all. I'm not in the mood to recap everything for Alaris in the way I did with everything else LAFKMSDFOIJWOEI. Main reason being, I do that Every Month, and at this point, I would feel like I'm repeating myself for no reason. But let me tell you, when the Enhanced Demo comes out, you will see what I'm talking about with progress made. And I'm excited for the next year when I start getting to show things off (read: Demo Release and Route Beta Releases) now that assets have really come together ^^

I will say, thank you for sticking with this project for so long. It's easy to get bogged down in development when a project like this is as big as it is. It's just as easy to think that no one will care about this by the time I release, or people will start losing their patience with me as development goes on. So I'm forever grateful for how kind, supportive, and patient you all are, especially this year <3

Connections: The True Theme of 2023

If you've made it this far, I'm extremely impressed with you. And to reward you, I'll give you a moment of honesty and vulnerability which, to be frank, I Don't Do as a person and especially with my dev persona LMFAOO ((Before I do, let it be known, CW: mention of death, grief, alcoholism, chronic illness, suicidal thoughts))

Something I don't talk about much is that for all of 2022 and most of 2023, I was not in a good place mentally. At the beginning of 2022, I lost three very important people in my life back-to-back (I'm not exaggerating when I say back-to-back it was within 2 weeks, three separate deaths lol). That, on its own, was hard to deal with. But on top of that, I soon found myself having to cope/help with a family member's chronic illness and another family member's mental health (read: alcoholism, suicidality).

While this isn't a particularly unique situation, it was one that I found myself struggling with pretty severely on top of a pretty demanding work life. And it was a situation I found myself in until about midway through this year. Things have lightened up. I navigate a new life with some pretty severe triggers, and without the presence of some of my most loved ones. But overall, I at least feel like I can breathe and function, which is a state I didn't feel like I could exist in for over a year (and started to believe I may never exist in again).

Because of this new room in my life, I was able to connect with people again, in a more genuine way. I've grown closer to a lot of dev friends, to the point I consider some of them genuine close friends. And IRL, I've been able to reconnect with some of my dearest loved ones. The main reason I bring all of this up is because this year, I felt unbelievably connected to people, whether that was dev friends in the community, people who support my games, and IRL people.

And sometimes, when you interact with people solely online, it's easy to think they don't care as much about you as you do for them. But this has been disproven to me time and time again this year. And I've found myself in a state of appreciation for so many of the people I've been blessed to meet and befriend <3 I felt this especially so during some of the game jams, with the Secret Santa gift exchange, and with my recent Holiday Tree.

So thank you for everyone who has let me take up some space in their life. You literally Do Not Know how much it means to me and impacts me. This year, while I started it in a state of slightly hopelessness and numbness, I find myself ending it with gratitude and connection.

I hope the rest of this year (the very few couple of days we have left LOL) treats everyone well. I'm excited for how we get to start 2024 and what we'll get to experience together <3 Thank you again for the memories and support, love you all very dearly ^^