#the pain was terrible
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Well, I managed to make it through the night. Even with all the physical pain, anxiety, catastrophizing, obsessive thoughts, panicking, sobbing, etc. I still fell asleep eventually (and without having to take more of my sleep aid than what I've been taking for the past 2 weeks). Pain is actually a little bit better today but not completely gone.
I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for June 13 but still have to make an appointment with the gastroenterologist and with the lab to test me for stomach bacteria again. I'm trying my best but this is so exhausting and there's no guarantee I'll even have any answers by the end of all this. I just wish this was all a nightmare I could wake up from and finally be okay.
#IBS#gastrointestinal issues#painsomnia#panic attack#I had a full-on breakdown last night feeling like that was it for me#the pain was terrible#and my meds were not working#next month is the 10 year anniversary of when I had to undergo an emergency surgery#so maybe I have that in the back of my mind... idk#I'm always thinking that I'm never going to be okay and that whatever health issue I have going on with me is just going to kill me#it could also be the fact I've always been surrounded by death especially in the past couple years#and I've never been able to resolve my Health Concern OCD even though that was one of the first conditions I was diagnosed with#I'm just so tired of all this#I was crying last night while thinking 'How much longer do I have to deal with this?'#I'm so full of regrets#I should have taken better care of my stomach and overall health#not to mention my mental health too#I'm just so overwhelmed always trying to balance things all on my own without any help#I guess that's part of being an adult but still...#I just can't handle anything it seems
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Please don't take him away
#doodley#final fantasy vii#final fantasy 7#sephiroth#ff7#lucrecia crescent#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#i love drawing sephy and his mom#this is loosely inspired by ivan the terrible & his son painting lmao#anyways! i love pain!!#i still have more sad ff7 art so uh.... yeah!!!
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🐚🦦
#genshin impact#genshinedit#genshinimpactedit#genshinet#genshin otter#leisurely otter#otter#mine.gif#theyre soooooo cute#getting the footage for this was so painful tho...#trying to find good angles#the fact that my ping is terrible and makes my game stutter if my graphics are anything higher than low LMFAO#but i did it for them... my sweetums...
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[PART 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
A young Xolotl and the strange build he’s spotted across the water from his starter builds! I wonder what it could be… how mysterious!
#dbhc#dbhc art#dbhc xisuma#dbhc s8#xisuma#xisumavoid#xisuma hermitcraft 8#hermitcraft 8#hermitcraft#hermitcraft dbh au#tw unreality#sort of? if that’s not the correct tag to use lmk#tw eye strain#tw distortion#tw glitch#tw dread#the feeling that something is terribly terribly wrong#Like watching a car that you know is about to crash#Painful knowing the end but can’t quite look away#xolotl#hermitcraft au#art escapades#finally. some answers.
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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(guy with chronic fatigue voice) why do i get so tired by the middle of the day every single day :/
#i scheduled a grocery order for midday bc i forgot abt NAPTIME ‼️ terrible mistake im so sleepy but i have to do stuff#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#disabled#disability#0
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At least docm’s inevitable merciless rampage will serve as excellent Scarland promotional material 😌
#docm fanart#docm77#hermitblr#hermitcraft#the incident#hermitcraft s9#myart#fanart#hewwo I’ve been terribly busy and largely unable to draw for pleasure lately due to wrist pain oTL#but rest assured that I am fully caught up on limited life and hermitcraft s9 and losing my MIND#anyways can’t believe Catboi DocM is what finally convinced me to pick up a pen and make some fanart
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I just wanted to let you know that you and your art are the reason that Murphy's Law by Honey Revenge is my #1 song on my Spotify wrapped this year, due to that absolutely gorgeous, heart wrenching piece you made of Stan. I went and looked up the song after I saw that art and couldn't stop listening to it, it made me cry several times while listening to it, looking at your art, and thinking too hard about Stanley Pines. 💙😌
YESS YESS!!!! THE STANGST OF IT ALL!!! Oh my god thats amazing! And tysmm!! I'm so glad it resonated 😭💙
I love Honey Revenge, they were my top artist this year! Imo their songs "Are You Impressed?" and "Distracted" work well for Stan too! But Murphy's Law, man. It's just such a perfect song for him. So angstyyy
Also I need you to know that after reading this, I had to literally pace around my room a bunch to calm down. Then I opened the animatic wip I had for the song (and had kind of abandoned) and drew a whooole bunch more for it! It's very much a work in progress, but I hope it vibes? :>
#So happy to hear Murphy's Law got into your head too!!!!! in pain together!!!!!! Thinking about Stan!!! Gonna go chew concrete!!!!#I actually started listening to Honey Revenge because their song Rerun is like. the most Stanley Parable coded thing ever#so most of their songs are Parable coloured to me. but with Murphy's law it was like AH HA YES this is Stanley PINES' song now <3#& Distracted is about terrible boyfriends BUT BUT if you believe you can make it about siblings with an increasingly strained relationship#stangst !!!!!#Honey Revenge - Murphy's Law#Gravity Falls#Fan art#Stanley Pines#Animatic#animation#fanart#Stan Pines#young stanley pines#mullet stan#GF Fanart#Artists on tumblr#my art#video#ask#tysm for letting me know i'm kicking my feet <3333
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I love how Izzy's arc last season was "What is this romcom bullshit I want to get back to gritty pirate stories" and his arc this season seems to be "I changed my mind, the gritty pirate story sucks."
#izzy hands#our flag means death#ofmd s2#ofmd spoilers#like he hasn't completely decided he wants to be a minor romcom villain again yet#but he's definitely realized the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain part
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you know what makes me so queasy? the progression from “i once was poison ivy, but now i’m your daisy” → “pick your poison, babe, i’m poison either way” and “i’m the death you chose, you’re in terrible danger”
#taylor swift#ttpd#the tortured poets department#imgonnagetyouback#the albatross#reputation#don’t blame me#she shifts into a healthier mindset in regards to this theme at the end of the albatross#see: “i’m the life you chose and all this terrible danger”#but knowing that for a period of time she did revert back to feeling like she causes pain and damage to everyone and everything she touches#just makes my stomach turn#it’s so devastating to think about#*
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have been in a qijiu/qiyuan mood lately, and i was thinking about an au where shen yuan, upon transmigrating, actually loses his memories. he wakes up and has no idea who he is, where he is, who the man at his bedside is. not a clue. the only thing he has is his muscle memory, his sharp recognition senses (he's experiencing a lot of déjà-vu), and blurry fractions of memories that he can't quite make out.
thing is, the memories of both shen yuan and shen jiu aren't actually gone, they start to intermingle, to mix up, a little sister in princess pajamas beside an older brother wearing dirty rags, a bright screen that displays mountain peaks and glittering caves. he's kind and generous the way someone who has never had to worry about food or money is, but he gets vicious and defensive when someone gets too close. sometimes he says cruel things and doesn't even understand why himself.
neither identity fits anymore, both names right and wrong at the same time. it's just... shen qingqiu.
and while everyone else might adjust to this just fine, yue qingyuan does not. because that is shen jiu, but it isn't, but it has to be, but not always. he gets flashes of his childhood friend when shen qingqiu gets viciously defensive over nothing, when he scowls and scoffs and rolls his eyes when he thinks people can't see, but then he smiles, and laughs, and tilts his head in a way that is completely foreign. he likes beasts. shen jiu never liked beasts. but he loves tanghulu, like shen jiu. sweet sugary things. the first time xiao jiu cuddles up into his hug, he cries.
the way he sometimes clings to yue qingyuan when he has a bad day can't be him, but then he says "qi-ge" exactly like shen jiu would and damn near snarls at anyone who gets too close, and he's aggressively possessive the way he was when they were kids. but then he pulls away and apologizes, like shen jiu would never do.
and he never demands anything, scrubbed clean from roughness and filth and selfish want, will act perfect and smiling and pleasant, never burdensome. like he's completely forgotten where he came from, what he was. like the pampered nobleman's son who could afford to be kind. the only time his old self comes fully back up is when he feels threatened or scared or angry, like a trauma response that kicks in to protect himself. and then yue qingyuan starts to wonder if maybe it is. maybe the shen jiu he knows was only ever fear and self-preservation, and the one he is now is a shen jiu without the chains and shackles and scars.
yue qingyuan doesn't know if he's happy for him, if it's for better or for worse. he does know that he feels protective and responsible for this new version xiao jiu has become.
meanwhile shen qingqiu, even when he regains enough of his memories to realize he was once a different person, doesn't know who he is anymore. both, maybe. or neither. he feels bad for taking away yue qingyuan's friend, but in his heart he can't help but think qi-ge is his brother, and no one else's. when he manages the peak he feels like he's taking credit for another's accomplishments, but he remembers suffering for it, he remembers what it took to get there.
#more guilt for everyone!#yue qingyuan being so touch starved and desperate that he takes advantage the first chance he has#by cooking and making tea and holding his xiao jiu#shen jiu calls him qi-ge and he KNOWS what that means#but he can't bring himself to say anything when shen jiu is seeking comfort in him#he wants to be shen jiu's place of home and comfort so painfully desperately badly that hell take anything and not let go#and shen qingqiu struggles with the intense need to be close to yue qingyuan. to be held and comforted#because he feels so terribly lonely and rejected and abandoned#even when he knows that part of him has no right to feel that way because it has nothing to do with him#anyway i was in the mood for pain#hope you like it#svsss#scum villain#qijiu#qiyuan#shen jiu#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#amnesia au
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Consider this: Jayce and Viktor are both such workaholics that they forget to take their meds sometimes and, because they’re also hypocrites, they get stressed when the other person forgets despite doing it themselves so at some point they just became in charge of each other’s medication since it’s easier for them to care about their partner’s health rather than their own.
#enough of just viktor being terrible with self care! ik theyre both shit at it!!#this headcanon came out of a conversation that started with jinx having hemorrhoids btw#do with that what you will#anyway viktor is on a few things for his chronic pain#and jayce is on hexapro#because of course he is#arcane#jayce#jayce talis#viktor#jayvik
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Transcript:
We're not done. Daddy isn't done speaking.
You'll come back here. Daddy demands you to come back.
Come back right here or Daddy's gonna be really angry!
*whimper-like exhale*
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you pookie bear, but it's just that sometimes you make Daddy so angry.
Audio source
If anyone is wondering why he's talking like that - Here's the original
#gabriel ultrakill#ultrakill#pain. agony even#terrible things happening on twitch.tv#i think its vital info to know that this was not a request. he just did that.
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#polls#i like it in theory#but irl it's like. uneven weights on top of me#and lumpiness underneath#just an overall back pain inducer#i can tolerate it for a little while though. an hour at most#terrible if I fall asleep
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Shout out to fat people with chronic pain. Use that mobility aid, get yourself a tasty treat, and don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Your body deserves love and care no matter what!
#thefatfemme#Chronic pain#fat positive#fat liberation#Disabled#body positivity#Self love#fat acceptance#fatphobia#mobility aid#No this has nothing to do with my hips and back screaming today why do you ask#Also if anyone who sees this uses a cane while also having wrist pain#Do you have any good ways of mitigating the wrist pain while using the cane?#Cause I have tendonitis and will likely develop carpal tunnel from grooming dogs and some days my wrists are just terrible#Can't grip for shit#And while rn I can manage without a cane for the most part#there are also days where my back and hips act up and a cane would be a major help
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