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thepeacetea · 5 years ago

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Mine (marijon)

Hi guy! So I was painting today and the song Mine by Taylor Swift came on and I thought it would make a cute marijon story.(Because I love this pair and there is not enough of them) Now I have never written a song fic before, but I tried my best. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! Peace!

Marinette had finally done it. After four, long years, she had finally graduated high school. For, four years, Lila had continued her reign over the school. She had made good on her threat. No one dared to befriend Marinette, not if they valued their own social lives. Her ‘friends’ from middle school had turned into snakes or just plain abandoned her. She hadn’t hesitated packing her belongings. She didn’t cry when she left Paris a week later. She ignored the fact that her parents hadn’t even said goodbye. Pretending she didn’t see the pitying gazes from the miracle box. She was going to America to study. She didn’t need her family. She didn’t need her ‘friends’.

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables Left a small town, never looked back I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin' Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

Meeting Jon had been an accident. A real, hundred percent accident that wasn’t Marinette’s fault, this time. It was still a month until classes started and Marinette had a rare day off from her part-time job as a florist. She had been exploring the old shopping district of the city when it had started to rain. She found this little café, tucked away between a book and an antique store, to duck into to wait out the storm.

The chattering of the patrons seemed to enhance the establish charm the café possessed. The rain beating against the windows, the warm smell of coffee and food, and the gentle hum of conversation, brought a sense of calm Marinette hadn’t felt in a while. She had pulled out her sketch book and just drew. Her designs became warm. Full of soft lines and simple, yet elegant personalities.

The scrapping of chairs brought Marinette out of her sketching. She glance up just in time to see one of the costumers, who hadn’t bothered to look around, abruptly get up and turn into one of the waiters. Marinette had just enough time to shove her sketch book to safety as the tray that was being delivered landed on her. The first thing she notice was that it was soup. Hot soup!

“Oh my gosh! Miss, are yo . .” someone, a guy from the sound of the voice started to asked, but the rest of his question halted as Marinette torn off her shirt in a burst of inhuman speed in an attempt to prevent herself from received worse burns.

It was only after she had thrown her shirt across the café did Marinette did her mind catch up with what she had done. She was standing in the middle of a small, crowded café, with every eye trained on her, shirtless! Petrified, she looked up to meet the bright red face of the waiter as he stared right back at her, trying to avoid looking too far down. The guy was an easy 6’, and in comparison to Marinette’s 5’ 2’ frame, it was impossible. It took five, long seconds for Marinette’s brain to reboot. Snatching her sketch book, she clutched it to her chest in a futile attempt to preserve her modesty. The movement seemed to snap the waiter out of his shock. Jerking his bright blue eyes away from her, he undid his waist apron, giving it to her while he guided Mainette into the back.

“I am so sorry! I didn’t see the guy get up but I should have been paying more attention or I should’ve at least made the tray fall another way and your not hurt are you please tell me you didn’t get burned too badly, I can call an ambulance if you want. I’m such an idiot. I’m so fired. I’m so so so sorry.” He ramble in a panic as he rummaged through a pack, presumably looking for something for her to wear.

“Hey. Hey! It’s ok. It was an accident. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s the guy that bumped into you. You know, I’m just gonna blame it on him. And I’m fine. I got the shirt off before the it could do any damage. The only thing that’s hurting is my pride.” She assured the boy, giving him an encouraging smile as he handed her a shirt. Slipping it on with a word of thanks, she found it, unsurprising, large on her.

“I’m sorry it’s big. It’s all I have.” Blue eye’s said sheepishly, as if he should’ve had a shirt to fit her in his bag. Marinette couldn’t help the giggle that came. This boy reminded her so much of her younger self.

“Hey, it ok. And don’t feel bad. Losing a shirt in public is not the worse or most embarrassing to happen to me.”

The boy still didn’t look convinced or any less guilty. If anything, his face grew even more red at the reminder of the accident.

“Listen, if you really feel that bad, you can make it up to me by showing me around Metropolis. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“Yeah. I . . . I can do that.” He said, eyes lighting up at the prospect. “I’m Jon by the way.” He said as one of the brightest smiles light up his face.

“Marinette.”

I say, "Can you believe it?" As we're lyin' on the couch The moment, I can see it Yes, yes, I can see it now

“Hey Jon?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you hang out with me?”

It had been two months since the two of them had met, and Marinette had felt more safe and . . . loved then she had in the last four years. Jon was with her more often then not. For the first few weeks, Marinette had been a little on edge. She hadn’t had much human contact for years, and what she did was all different forms of bullying. But as time wore on, she began to anticipate when she would meet up with him. Most of their free time was spent wandering the city, with Jon showing Marinette all his favorite spots to visit and they surprising found some places he had never been. Other times, he would drop by her work to talk and buy some flowers for his mother. Marinette had eventually talked him into buying a plant for his apartment after she found out how empty it was. According to Jon, it was still thriving. Other times, she would bug him at the café, were she had quick become known by name. They had become close, and that scared her.

“What kinda question is that?”

“It’s a good question. I mean, your amazing and fun to be around and so open that I can only imagine that you would have a ton of friends. I mean, why spend so much time with me?”

Jon didn’t answer right away. He kept his gaze fixed on the night sky above them, seemingly so absorbed in the stars that managed to peak through the city skyline that it appeared he didn’t hear her. But Marinette knew him well enough to know when he was thinking. Pulling the blanket closer, she snuggled deeper into the burrow they had made on her roof for star gazing. It was a close to ten minutes before he answered

“Your different. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and other friends, but when I’m with them, they expect me to be a certain way. I have a lot, and I mean a lot to live up to. Both my parents have done so much and I constantly feel this presser to live up to them. And I know I want to. I want to make a difference like they have. I want to help people like they did, and still do.” Jon said, never taking his eyes off the night sky, but Mairnette couldn’t help turning her head to look at her friend. As he spoke, Marinette could understand, she had been in a similar situation not long ago.

“But when I’m with you, it’s as if none of that matters. You’re not expecting me to be like my mom or my dad. I can make mistakes with you and you’re not gonna judge. You’re not gonna think less of me. Honestly, I feel safe with you.” He said, turning to look at her.

Marinette’s heart skipped a beat. She had always known Jon was handsome, but somehow the half-lighting they had made it clear just how much he was. The lighting accented his jawline, causing his babyish face to take on a more mature tone. His blue eyes, which were always behind glasses, where for once free and bare to the world. While they had always been so bright, they had adapted a darker, more alluring blue.

“Well,” Marinette said, clearing her throat slightly. “you have seen me shirtless, so . . .”

“Can you not bring that up, please.” He groaned, throwing his back as he groaned.

“Oh, come on, it’s funny!” Marinette exclaimed, laughter bubbling over in a joyous peel at the sight of his embarrassment.

“No, it’s not! My co-workers still tease me about it.”

“Think about this way, Jon. If that never happened, we never would have met.”

“Well when you put it that way.” Jon sassed, causing Marinette’s laughter to grow as his chuckles joined in.

“Jon,” Marinette said when she regained her breath, “. . . I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“So am I.”

Do you remember, we were sittin', there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

If Marinette had to tell someone when things started to change between her and Jon, she would always say it was that night on the roof. But it wasn’t until early November that officially changed. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and the two of them where by Metropolis Bay enjoying one of the last few nice days before winter came. Marinette was going on about one of the customers at the flower shop.

“They wanted an original Thanksgiving center piece. And I was trying to tell her the owner was out and any special orders have to go through her. But she just kept insisting that I could do it. And I was trying to explain to her that one: I cannot do special order, if it’s in the catalogue, I can to it. But if not, I can’t. The owner wants make sure make sure of the quality. And second: Even if I was allowed, I couldn’t because I know next to nothing about Thanksgiving because we don’t celebrate it in France.”

She hadn’t noticed how quiet Jon was, usually he was just as talkative as she was if not more. But today he was very distracted.

“And then . . .”

“Marinettedoyouwanttocometomygrandparentsfarmforthanksgiving!”

“ . . .What?”

“Marinette, do you want to come to my grandparent’s farm for Thanksgiving?” Jon asked again. “Thing is, um, Grandma made a rule that we have to bring any potential girlfriends back for a holiday and . . .”

“. . . girlfriend?”

“Yeah, um, Marinette. Do, no. This isn’t how I planned it.” Jon stuttered, his face almost a red as when they first met. “Ok. I like you, Marinette. Like, a lot. I honestly have never met anyone like you. Your funny, sarcastic but you don’t over do it, kind , creative, and I, I thought someone like you couldn’t exist And what I’m trying to say is, will you go out with me?”

Marinette had never seen Jon this distraught. His hands seemed to have a mind of their own, constantly running through his hair until it looked he had been flying. He kept shifting his weight that it almost looked like he was bouncing. For her part, Marinette’s mind decided to take a vacation. Jon, her first friend in over four years, like her. Liked her to the point where he was inviting her to join him on a family holiday. He was inviting her to meet his family. As a potential girlfriend.

“Jon, I . . .”

“It’s fine it you don’t feel the same way. I . . .” he interrupted her, giving her a way out.

“Jon. Jon, it’s not that. I. . . I just. . . have never . . . been in a relationship. And I don’t know how they work and I don’t know if I’ll be good at it.” She said, cutting him off. She couldn’t look at him. Not now. She hadn’t told a boy that she liked him since the disaster with Adrien.

“. . . Is that a yes?”

“Ye. . .” Marinette started to say, but was never able to finish as Jon pulled her into one of the most bone crushing and heartfelt hugs that she ever had. For a moment, she was too stunned to respond. It didn’t help that her brain had completely gone to mush. Once what had happened became clear, she returned Jon’s hug with just as much strength. And for the first time in a long time, Marinette felt like everything was going to be ok.

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together And there's a drawer of my things at your place You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

And we got bills to pay We got nothin' figured out When it was hard to take Yes, yes This is what I thought about

Marinette had always meant to tell Jon what happened with her life in Paris, why she had to leave. But she never thought it would happen like this. Never because of a nightmare.

Laughter. Hate filled messages. Adults yelling at her in anger. Pain. The feeling of skin burning in an inferno. Buildings crushing her. The feeling and sounds of bone shattering. Acid green eyes snaring as claws tore through her stomach. Someone, someone was grabbing her, shaking her. Her earrings, she couldn’t let them get her earrings. She couldn’t use her arms! He had her arms! Lashing out, she tried kicking him off her, screaming at him. She couldn’t, she couldn’t let him take the earrings.

“. . .te.”

She had to get way.

“. . .ette.”

She couldn’t breath!

“ZHAO!”

That name woke her up. Only one person called her that. Snapped her out of her nightmare. No, her memories. Gasping for air, her eyes darted around the dark room. She knew this room. It was their room. Her and Jon’s. She was safe. She was safe. Why couldn’t she breath?

“Zhao, Zhao. Hey, hey , hey. It’s ok. It’s ok. Your safe. It was just a nightmare. You’re alright, Zhao. You’re alright. I’m here.” Jon’s voice drew her attention back to the person hold her, cradling her face as he gently brushed a hand through her hair. “That’s it. That’s it. Zhao, I need you to breath with me. Can you do that? Breath in. Hold it. And out. That’s good. You’re doing good. It was just a nightmare. Just a dream.”

Marinette knew he was trying to calm her. She knew that. That’s just who he was. But it wasn’t a dream. It was really. She couldn’t keep it locked up anymore. With a strangled cry, she flung herself at her boyfriend, clinging to him. Everything she had been bottling up for the past seven years just burst. She told him everything she had gone through in Paris, starting from when she became Ladybug until she left. All the pain, the doubt, the fear, the frustration came out. Marinette didn’t notice the kwami’s coming out of their box. She didn’t register their attempts to comfort her. The only thing she knew was that Jon was still holding her, rocking her slowly as he pet her hair, listening to her. Marinette didn’t know how Jon’s eyes started to glow in anger, how he curled around her protectively when she finally fell asleep. She didn’t hear his whispered promise to make those who hurt her pay. All she knew was that she was safe.

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water? You put your arm around me, for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water? You saw me start to believe, for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

It had was their third anniversary, and they were walking along shoreline. The sun had set hours ago. It was actually close to midnight. The air was crisp, taking on more a winter chill then a fall one. Metropolis Bay was quiet, the lights from the city created a picturesque scene, causing the waters sparkle like diamonds.

Neither were talking. They just walked, hand in hand, simply enjoy the night. Neither had projects, patrols, or meeting to worry about. Today was just for them.

Marinette was happy. She really, truly was. She remembered the morning following her breakdown, she had been so scared that Jon would leave her. That he would think she was too damaged. He had truly surprised her when he had asked to meet the kwamis. How he made sure to have their favorite foods always stocked. Though he had put a limit on Plagga’s cheese intake. The god of destruction learned very fast that if he ate his supplies before the end of the month, he would have to wait until the next month to get more camembert. The kwamis respected him, and for that, Marinette couldn’t be happier. She loved him, and she was thankful her family did as well.

A tug on her hand brought Marinette back to the present. Turning, she found Jon on one knee. Pulling a box from his coat pocket. He wasn’t. There was no way he was . . .

“Marinette, ever since I met you, I knew you were different. Any other person would have never spoken to me again after what I did. But you did. You put up with me. You let me be myself around you. You, you helped me find who I was. You let me into your life, after so many others had left you. You threw my world of kilter. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. You give me a reason to fight, a reason to show others mercy. You’re the sun in my life, and without you I am half the man I’m suppose to be. I love you. So Marinette Dupain-Cheng, will you give me the honour of allowing me to walk by your side? Will you marry me?”

Through his whole speech, Marinette had tears pouring down her face. The more he said the harder her tears fell. By the time he reached the end, there was no way she could speak. All she could manage was a squeak as she nodded her consent. The sheer joy she felt when he slipped the ring on her left hand was almost too much. But her heart truly sung when he kissed her, slow and deep. Brimming with love. She was home.

And I remember that fight, two-thirty a.m. 'Cause everything was slipping right out of our hands I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye, 'Cause that's all I've ever known Then, you took me by surprise You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

She ran through the streets, tears threatening to fall, blurring her vision. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t cry. He was going to hate her now. She had ruined everything.

‘That’s right viewer. According to a reliable and trustworthy source, the one and only amateur ‘designer’, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, who is known as the head designer for Jagged Stone, only got her position by sleeping with the artist. According to the source, this arrangement has been going on since the ‘designer’ was 13. She was the one to offer her ‘services’ as long as she was allowed to ‘design’ for the rock star. The real credit for the designs worn by the legendary rock star goes to one Lila Rossi. When asked why she hadn’t come forward sooner, this was her answer.

“Honestly I was scared to. I mean, Marinette had her claws into Jagged so deep that if I spoke up, no one would believe me. After all, who would believe a 14 year old girl over a music legend. But I just couldn’t keep quiet any longer. As a designer, I couldn’t let my work be stolen.”

Well, there you have it viewers. Looks like the ‘clean cut designer’ is really a dirty worker.’

The argument that followed was painful. Jon hadn’t said anything for the first five minutes after reading the article that popular blogger, Alya Cesaire, had published a little over an hour ago. The sheer amounts of reads was sickening. Marinette hadn’t even bothered to look at the comments, she couldn’t stand to think what was written. Marinette had panicked and was trying to convince Jon that what was written wasn’t true. The only relationship between her and Jagged was familiar at most. The longer Jon was silent, the more panicked and scared Marinette become.

“Why are you like this?”

The question hit Marinette like a truck. He . . . he thought she was lying? No. He couldn’t. She had told him about Lila. He knew she was a liar. Right?

“She’s lying, Jon. You have to believe me.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I’m trying to . . .” Marinette started to say, trying to defend herself, but Jon’s voice cut her off.

“Why are you always defending yourself?” He yelled, and Marinette swore she saw his eyes flash red. He . . . he didn’t believe her. He believed the liar.

His words had set something off in her and Marinette did the one thing that gut told her. She ran. Bolted from the house. She couldn’t stay only to have Jon spout accusations at her. She couldn’t see the one person she felt safe with leave her. She didn’t know it was raining, she hadn’t even put on shoes. She just ran. She had no idea where she was going as her bare feet pounded on the pavement. Her foot caught on something, a sharp pain jerking on the top of her foot as her legs gave way. Bracing herself for the fall, she felt arms wrap around her. Arms she knew all too well. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t handle it if he left her too.

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water. And every time I look at you, it's like the first time. I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter. She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

“I am never leaving you, Zhao. Do you hear me? I am never leaving you! You never needed to tell me that trash wasn’t true. Anyone with eyes could see that. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I am so sorry. I know it set you off and I promised myself I would never cause that. And I did and I’m sorry. I know I scared you. I was just so angry. I’m so sorry. I love you, and nothing. Nothing is gonna change that.” Jon declared, crushing his fiancée to him. He wasn’t going to let even the tiniest doubt tell his zhao that he didn’t mean it.

He felt her stiffen only for a second before she become completely undone. The heart wrenching sobs cut the young, half kryptonian in ways that him see red. Death was too good for the scum that did this to his zhao. No. He was going to make sure there was no way for any of them to recover, specifically that Italian and ‘journalist.’ He would show her what a real journalist could do. But right now, he had his fiancée to care for. Jon was determined to make sure Marinette felt more loved then she had before. He would tear her ex-friends apart later. He also need to call his parents.

The next morning saw the release of three different articles tearing apart both so called ‘article’ about Marinette and all those who where in it. Which was, interestingly, all of her old classmates. All three articles were brutal. One Kent was deadly enough, making recovery nearly impossible. Two Kent’s? Recovery would be impossible in their lifetime. With all three, there would be no hope for their family lines. The world learned one thing that day: Never make Jonathan Kent angry.

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

Do you believe it? We're gonna make it now And I can see it

While in France, the old class was receiving the backlash of media, with two of them receiving lawsuits like candy, Clark was trying to prevent most of the JL from ‘talking’ to the ex-class themselves. After all, he had dibs as future father-in-law.

And in an apartment in the old district of Metropolis, a couple slept in peace. The boy curled protectively around his small fiancée, shielding her from the world. After all, she was his.

#Marijon #Maribat

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bunnylouisegrimes · 4 years ago

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Unusual Thanksgiving (NOS4A2 Longish-Drabble Fic)

(A/N: As of writing this, it’s the weekend. I’ve noticed at least every weekend for a few weeks now I post some short little Drabble to help let out my emotions. Here’s another one that’s a little bit longer. With Thanksgiving coming up and my ass having little time to think of something and cook it up (pun intended), I thought I’d take the approach of having whatever come to my mind and writing it out. It’s a unique one, as you don’t usually associate horror and angst alongside the family fluffiness of Thanksgiving, but... here we are! I remember a while back I wrote how Rose’s parents would react to her having a relationship with Charlie, and that was one of my inspirations, alongside how rough things are this year. I’d like to wish you all Happy Thanksgiving ahead of time. Stay safe and enjoy a good ass feast. It’s been tough, and it’s had some highlights, but now’s the time we can all put aside our differences and whatever else bullshit and be thankful about what we do have this year; whether it be supplies or each other, we’ll get through this. 🧡🍂🍁🦃)

(Apologize for no Read More, posting this from mobile, and I found the image randomly, so if you want credit, let me know).

November is a beautiful and calming time of the year, but under certain circumstances, it can be oddly scary. This is most likely due to how dead the world is. There’s usually no snow, and what leaves remain are brown, have decayed from the trees, and collapsed to the ground to crumble and rot. I noticed this when I was younger, and part of me thought November was spookier than Halloween in some cases.

Of course, to me, any time of the year could be scary. Horror doesn’t stop and end at one point; it is an infinite occurrence that follows humanity wherever we go.

From the time I was a little kid, I would find horror in the most obscure of places. Scary movies never bothered me, and in fact, I was always excited when I watched them. What should’ve terrified me brought me nothing but adrenaline and fascination. Instead, odd things scared me, things most people would poke fun at if they saw my reaction to them, things most would shrug off. Call me Freudian, but perhaps my fears, just as yours are, are based in our differing subconscious minds, so there is no true definition of “stupid” horror.

The one thing that I know for certain that’s frightened me since I was younger are bees, wasps, yellow jackets, and hornets. Why these little yellow and black bugs terrify me, I will never truly know the answer as to why. Is it because they’re so small, yet they can hurt you so badly? Is it because of their appearance? I don’t want bees to die out, as I know of their importance, and bumbles don’t bother me because they usually leave you alone (and they’re oddly cute), but any other bee or wasp can stay away from me. I’ve never even been stung by one, yet one buzz or sight of one near me makes my body react instantaneously. I get away as much as I can and even scream sometimes. Not wise to scream or move a lot when you’re in their presence, I know. But when your body reacts the way it does, what are you to do?

When I was a little bit older, I would say roughly 8 or 9 years old, a new type of fear spawned its way into my mind: the fear of shadow people.

I don’t know what it is about those things either that scare me so much. When I first discovered I had this fear, I believe I was watching an episode of Ghost Adventures, and I saw them capture a really clear shadow figure on camera. It chilled me to the bone, and from then on, just the thought of one creeped me out. One particular episode where the crew went to an old, abandoned and haunted Tuberculosis sanitarium got to me because shadow figures were prominent there, and they actually captured two on camera going down a long hallway.

Shadow people, from what I’ve seen online, are very mysterious. They could come from another dimension, they could be demonic; some are harmless, others are harmful, and it’s all dependent on what experience you have with them. Zak Bagans and his crew have come across quite a few demonic ones, and their guests have usually described them as tall, thin, 6-7 foot tall entities that are dark both in physicality and energy. They look like an individual spray painted with pitch black aerosol, and darker than a room if it were void of all light. Sometimes they have red or white eyes, and sometimes they can have differing appearances that are just as terrifying as the blank appearances they often have. They can stand there and look over you while you’re sleeping at night, they can stand in a corner and stare at you, maybe rocking a bit, they could dart down a hallway, hiding from you, they can crawl on the floor, they can crawl on the ceiling... whatever it is they do, it’s all bone chilling to me, and I hate it all with a burning passion. I don’t care even if they were harmless: If I were to ever see one in real life, I would have a heart attack.

That is why I am thankful I’ve only seen them either when I’m paranoid for whatever reason before I go to sleep (but they’re not really there, my mind’s just playing tricks on me), or if I have a nightmare and they’re present. This story will focus on the latter.

*************************************************

Halloween, Charlie’s birthday on November 1st, the Election... it all came and left sooner than expected, and we needed to plan what we were doing about Thanksgiving. I know, a vampire who’s all about Christmas celebrating other holidays. It seems unreal, but I assure you, he has respect for other holidays as well. Christmas just happens to be his favorite and one that brings him and the kids lots of comfort and joy. They say Christmas is a state of mind and is never truly over, so... I suppose Charlie is just a living embodiment of that saying.

With COVID still in full swing, and cases breaking records everyday, people were stocking up on supplies yet again alongside their Turkey Day feasts. We knew we had to hurry up and order stuff the week before Thanksgiving at most.

Living in Gunbarrel, Colorado, away from everyone except for each other and the kids when we spent quite a few days in Christmasland each week, it was relieving to know we weren’t around tons of people. The virus wouldn’t affect Charlie or the kids, but me being the only human, and one with asthma, it would, so it was calming to not have to worry as much as many other folks about exposure. Not to mention, the town was small, and everybody knew everybody. Whenever we did enter town, which took 10 minutes to get to, we would see everyone keeping their distance and respecting each other. It was nice to see our small and (just about) off-the-grid community helping each other during these times.

The only two local stores were an Acme that everyone went to, and the Gunbarrel General Store, owned by a kindly old man who looked like Santa Clause named Sam. Before everyone rushed to Acme, we decided on doing a curbside pickup order, and picking up anything else that was not available at Sam’s, as he was sure to provide lots of Thanksgiving food.

It was going to certainly be an interesting Thanksgiving without my usual family, and not being back home, but I was going to call them on that fateful Thursday and talk to them for a few hours. Charlie and I would have a small dinner together, and we would spend most of the day in Christmasland with our children, dining on delicious food and laughing together. The thought warmed my heart and made me feel better about this Thanksgiving. We would be okay, and everything would be fine, despite my horrible dreams...

For whatever reason, over these past few weeks, my dreams were plagued with shadow people haunting me. No explanation was given, and no explanation would need to be given for it to still occur and damn near break me. Maybe it was some sort of unresolved issue going through the back of my mind, maybe it was fueled by my stresses of being busy lately, but regardless of whatever the issue was, I was haunted by them. The day after Charlie’s birthday, we watched the original Nosferatu together, and I fell asleep near the end, experiencing the first of these dreams.

I was walking down a dark and cold hallway. I was 8 years old again. I don’t know how I knew this, but it was one of those instances where you know a random piece of information in a dream. I was holding two small plastic My Little Pony figurines I got from Happy Meals at that time, a small Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. I hadn’t seen those toys in years, yet there they were in my hands. When I looked up, a shadow person was standing near the end of the pathway. It stood tall and authoritative, looming over me as if it wanted to grab me and drag me down the corridor straight into Hell, or wherever it came from.

I took off running, and it crawled on all fours after me. I screamed and kept running until I came across a goofy, tall, and lanky figure: Count Orlock, or the actual Nosferatu himself, was standing there. I hid behind him and begged him to protect me. He smiled his stupid smile and looked down at the shadowy behemoth. It seemed to back down a bit once he snarled at it. It backed up behind a corner, peaking at us once before vanishing.

My relief was short lived for only a few moments because Orlock wandered off into the darkness.

“Where are you going? Come back here!” I tried to call after him, but I was cut off by the shadow figure crawling on the ceiling and grabbing me. I gave a scream and found myself awake on the couch, springing to life and hearing the opening music to Downton Abbey greeting me. Charlie had tuned in after the movie. He looked at me with a confused and concerned look. I explained everything to him and he comforted me, laughing at the thought of the original Nosferatu visiting me.

The dreams afterward were more terrifying than the first. One dream featured a shadow person staring over me as I slept, another featured one standing in the corner of the room twisting and contorting its head violently. The third had a shadow figure hunched over near a window within an abandoned building. I was walking through the woods in another nightmare when a whole group of them were peaking at me through the trees. I ran down another hallway and one was behind me. I was in an unknown house and down the hall near the steps, one was charging towards me. Each time, I would wake up and feel unsettled. Charlie would comfort me, but it was always hard to fall back asleep, for I feared I’d be terrorized by the evil onyx creatures wanting nothing more than to consume me in their shadowy force and make my soul rot.

Despite all of my terror and the tiredness that accompanied my days, the focus for today would have to be Thanksgiving dinner.

“My mom mailed me the recipe to her sweet potatoes last week, and let me tell you, they are actually sweet and delicious,” I told Charlie. “So you can put down all the ingredients for that. We already got turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes written down... Oh! Green bean casserole, put that down... and we need apple and pumpkin pie. We already have whip cream and gravy in the fridge, and cider is in the cabinet. I think that’s everything.”

Charlie nodded and wrote these things down. Once he was done, he looked over the list and showed me.

“Yup, that’s everything! Alright, let’s look up to see what Acme has.”

As I pulled up the site on my phone, he spoke up.

“Rosie, are you bothered by not seeing your family? If so, we can visit them on Thanksgiving Day or I could go the extra mile and bring them here if you’d like.”

I sighed and rubbed my temple. “I’m alright, baby. I know they’ll be alright too. Things seem to be... okay between us, even if we did get into arguments since last we spoke in person.”

He looked down and felt guilty.

“Hey, don’t you feel guilty,” I reassured him. “It’s their fault, not yours. They see you in whatever light they want to, but I know who you really are, and I love you. I don’t care what they say or think about you, hence why I’m sticking by you and left with you to come here.”

He nodded and pulled me close to him, resting his chin on my head. “I admit, my darling, I am constantly bothered by this thought that I have destroyed the relationship you have with your family.”

“Like I said, they’re the ones that can’t accept that you and I truly love each other. I’ve been patient and offered them every chance to accept you. I’ve explained and talked to them, but they don’t want to listen to my reasoning. I don’t know what else to do.”

He kissed me on the cheek and said, “I’m glad that you at least still talk to each other.”

“Me too. At least we have that... but let’s not worry about that. We got food to focus on.”

We ordered everything that we could (the only things not available until the week of Thanksgiving were the two pies, but we knew Sam would have them). When the time came, we loaded into the Wraith and the trunk was packed with our dinner. We stopped by the General Store and Sam happily gave “Father Christmas” (as Charlie was known as) the pies. Since it was still light out, we decided to go for a drive to enjoy the autumn weather. As I mentioned before, November is usually dead and brown, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t peaceful and calm. We observed the soothing and cold weather as Fleetwood Mac and The Doors sang along on the old radio.

While gazing at the brown leaves and bare trees rocking their branches above us, I drifted off to sleep without even thinking about it. Stevie Nicks and Jim Morrison’s voices melted into oblivion as I found myself walking through a tranquil forest of dead trees. Cold, I wrapped my arms around myself until I felt a bit warmer, and I saw a grove of orange trees. It was as if I teleported back in time to October, and the trees were still alive with vibrant color.

I ran over to them, taken aback by their beauty. The leaves that were on the ground were still orange, and I tossed them up into the air with childish carelessness. At last! For once, I was having a good dream!

However, that enjoyment would be cut short when I looked into the distance in between the trees. The world and my joy winded down like a dying record player.

From somewhere beyond the misty horizon, a pair of white eyes were watching me.

Dread hit me and I ran away. The trees began to rot again, and the orange faded into brown. The sunlight morphed into fog, and the warmth dissipated from my body. I fell to the ground, tripping over my own clumsy feet.

Now I was somewhere entirely different. I was in a dark, unfamiliar bedroom. I couldn’t move except for my eyes, like I was suffering from sleep paralysis. I looked up to see the shadow figure that was hiding behind the trees. Its white eyes were dimmer than before, and its solid black body cast lighter shadows behind it. I tried to scream, but I could only choke out vocalizations as it covered my mouth.

It lifted its ice cold hand from my mouth and pointed to the left. My eyes glanced in that direction and a scream broke from my throat.

A pointy eared demon with beady eyes, a close together face, and a sickening smile was on top of my chest. Its body was too dark to make out any notable features, but it was lighter than the shadow next to me. The pressure on top of me crushed the life from my lungs. It continued to smile, as if nothing in the world bothered it at all.

Before my scream ran out of air, it wrapped its cold hands around my neck and tightened to the point it was strangling me. The rest of my scream died out, my eye sight was fading until it was only a pinhole...

Air rushed into my lungs as I jolted into a conscience state once again. My eyes darted rapidly and my body clung to the leather seat of the Wraith. We were no longer driving, and instead parked in the garage. A wave of nausea flooded my head and stomach, and I pressed my hand to my eyes. My mind finally registered Charlie’s soft voice.

“Rose! My sweet Rose! Whatever is the matter?”

“I... Jesus Christ... I... had another nightmare... this was... Good God, how else could I describe it?!”

While we gathered the groceries into the house, I detailed my horrifying dream to him. He was immensely disturbed and decided enough was enough.

“I know you believe in ghosts and demons and the sort,” said he, “and I know such things exist, since I’ve seen spirits and souls before. Because of this, you and I can pray before you go to sleep tonight. Unlike other vampires, holy things do not bother me, unless I were to drink or touch holy salt or holy water, in which case I would feel some discomfort thanks to the darker side of my being. I have an old angel doll that my daughters used to play with and hold whenever they felt uncomfortable or scared. That could help you too. I will hypnotize you and make you have sweet dreams. If any dark entity is going to mess with you, I will protect you. I don’t think you have an attachment, but these dreams are certainly unusual.”

I agreed to all of this. That night, we said a prayer together, I snuggled with the angel doll, and he hypnotized me to sleep. I had a dream I couldn’t remember, but it was certainly the most peaceful I had in a while, and it was even better then the beginning of that nightmare I had that evening.

A sense of purity filled my heart, and I knew nothing dark would ever hurt me or anyone I loved, as whatever God that may be out there as my witness.

*************************************************

Thanksgiving arrived at an unbelievably fast rate. No other bad dreams tormented me, and I couldn’t have felt more happy. Charlie and I worked together to prep dinner. When I finished making sure the turkey was good and putting it in the oven, Charlie presented me with a package.

“It’s from your home,” he observed.

I opened it up at the dining room table and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

It was the Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash figurines from my childhood. Underneath them, was a heartfelt letter from my family, detailing how they had recently found these toys and thought of me. They missed me, and they even apologized for all of their harsh words against me and Charlie. They gave it some thought, and they came to the conclusion that as long as I was happy and in love, and as long as Charlie truly loved me and treated me well, then all was perfectly fine. They wished us a very happy Thanksgiving from 2 hours ahead and many miles away.

Tears fell from my cheeks. I was crying of joy for more than the obvious reason being that my family and I were rekindling together.

I realized now why I had such horrible dreams. It was either my worries and fears of my family not being together haunting me, or maybe even some dark force, but Twily and Dashie here weren’t random parts of that first dream at all; they served as symbolism. They represented hope and familial innocence long lost, now brought back to light. Maybe they sent a message out in the universe to my family that Charlie was a good man. That could also be why Orlock was protecting me in that same dream, but him leaving symbolized my family keeping Charlie away from me, therefore causing bad things to happen to me. And perhaps when Charlie helped me and cleansed all darkness (regardless of it being real or not), those ponies knew ahead of time he was going to do that, and reassured my family he was always going to protect me. It sounded bizarre, but it was the best reasoning I could come up with to explain these odd coincidences.

I immediately called my family afterwards and told them everything. They were chilled themselves because my mother had a dream the night before about Charlie bringing forth bouts of light to protect me from a wave of darkness, and she thought it was her brain processing her acceptance of him, but now that my story was told, it made things even clearer.

We concluded talking by coming up with a date to have dinner together and to see each other again back home. We exchanged I love yous and Happy Thanksgivings, and I hung up feeling thankful. As Charlie and I ate a bit of dinner, as we went to Christmasland, and as we ate lots of food with our children, warmth and light abundant, I was grateful that I had the family I did, the boyfriend and children that I did, and the light that still shined in the universe, even on the most darkest of days. This year has been hard, but gratitude for all the good, hope, and love, even when we’re distant figuratively, literally, or both, makes this holiday season a brighter one.

#nos4a2 charlie #nos4a2 fanfic #nos4a2 fanfiction #nos4a2 #charlie manx #charles manx

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flirting-with-psychology · 4 years ago

Text

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

#survey

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qveensbury · 6 years ago

Text

just for the holidays

to @zanykingmentality for @zutaraexchange also on AO3

modern/college AU, friends to lovers, fake dating, one sided pining

summary: “If your family liked me, my family is going to love you. And, they’re gonna murder me when they find out we broke up.” What started as a pretend relationship to give Katara some breathing room starts to gain a life of its own. Zuko hoped his feelings for his best friend would lose some steam in the motions. But, he’s starting to grow uncomfortable with the illusion and desiring the real thing.

“I mean you could always come home with me.”

Zuko snorted and tried to will away the heat in his chest before it crawled into his neck. “You often bring home strays for Thanksgiving? I wouldn’t want to impose. Besides, I should see my mom’s new family more often.”

Katara steepled her fingers. “Well, it wouldn’t be entirely selfless—“

“Lady Katara has ulterior motives?” He smirked.

“Let me finish.” She shoved his shoulder. “My new granddad has been bugging me about not having a boyfriend. I’m only top of my class and Vice President of student government but where is that boyfriend.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m kinda tired of hearing him go on about that. Soooo, you would really being coming home as my pretend boyfriend for Thanksgiving.“

Zuko held his breath. The blush had conquered his neck and cheeks now. “Oh.”

“We would fake breakup before Christmas,” Katara began gesturing with her hands. “It would involve lying. But, I think it would be believable. I talk about you enough.”

“Talk about me? About what?”

“That we had lunch or were studying in the library. If I conveniently forgot to mention we were dating…” She gestured to say “oops.” She took a moment to take in his body posture. “You can say no. I would understand. We’re not in a movie or anything.”

Zuko swallowed. “No, I would like to meet your family. And, if you think they’ll buy it, we can pretend to date. It’s just Thanksgiving.”

“Are you sure?” Katara scanned him, finding assurance in his relaxed posture.

“Positive. I trust you.”

“This is Zuko, my boyfriend.”

Zuko’s heart flipped. Pretend boyfriend. Pretend.

Hakoda turned to Katara, mouth gaping and still holding onto Zuko’s hand. “You never mentioned that in your calls,” he said softly.

Zuko froze. Anger and disapproval were emotions he could navigate. He’d mastered dodging and deflecting them. But, this shade of surprise was disconcerting. It almost sound hurt. They’re not like your father.

“It happened really recently, Daddy.” Katara took Hakoda’s arm, squeezing it. “You said dating your best friend was the best decision you ever made.”

Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.

“It caught me off guard,” Hakoda mumbled, letting go of Zuko’s hand. “So, Zuko where are you staying this weekend?”

“Uh, I was planning on going back to the dorms. Uncle is visiting my cousin and his wife’s new baby on the West Coast.”

“You should stay with us we have an extra room.” Hakoda took Katara’s duffle.

Zuko glanced at Katara who blinked. “Thank you sir but I—“

“You shouldn’t be alone during the holidays. Don’t be shy.” Hakoda climbed the stairs to the second floor. “Katara can show you. It’s on the ground floor.”

Zuko looked to Katara again. She shrugged before beckoning him to follow her.

Katara turned the light on. “This is it.”

Zuko walked in and looked around.

“What do you think?”

“Do boyfriends usually sleepover on their first Thanksgiving?”

Katara hummed, raising on shoulder. “Dad would understand if you don’t.”

“I’d have to go get my stuff from the dorm.” He put a hand on the back of his neck.

“If it’s too much, don’t—”

Zuko glanced away. “We might as well follow through right?”

Katara drew her lips into a line. “We don’t want to do too much though.”

“This doesn’t seem like too much,” he shook his head. “It’s not like we’re sharing a bed,” he chuckled. “Chill out.”

Katara paused before nodding. “Okay. If you’re comfortable.”

He gave her a crooked smile. “Besides, your dad was right. No one wants to be alone during the holidays.”

What were you thinking, Ryuku?

Zuko packed a bag in his dorm.

Really? Sleeping over? That wasn’t the plan.

He got back in his car and drove back to the Kuruk’s.

The plan was play pretend boyfriend and squash this stupid crush. The plan was to avoid seeing your mom’s new family and nothing more. Look at the mess you’ve made!

He pulled up to their street and noticed another car in the driveway.

<Katara: Pakku is here. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.>

<Zuko: What should I expect?>

<Katara: A grilling>

He sighed getting out of his car. This much I’m prepared for.

Zuko adjusted his overnight bag into a more comfortable position. He rang the doorbell.

An older man opened the door and glared at him.

“Hello, you must be Katara’s grandfather. I’m Zuko, her boyfriend.” He extended his hand for a handshake.

Katara was at the door before Pakku could respond. “Oh Pakku, this is the guy I was telling you about!” She smiled and Zuko could feel how much pleasure she got from this. He’d seen her act before but this was a different level. She wrapped her hands around his elbow and leaned her face against his shoulder. “This is Zuko.”

Zuko smiled at her, following her cues.

“Pakku, let them in.” An older woman tugged on Pakku before pulling Zuko and Katara into the house and closing the door. “Hello, dear. I’m Kanna, I’m Katara’s grandmother and this is my husband, Pakku. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, ma’am. Katara talks a lot about how much you inspire her. It’s an honor finally meeting you.”

Kanna smiled. “You found yourself a charmer, Katara. Hold on to him.”

Pakku was still glaring. He twisted his mouth into a pout and hmpfed. He turned around. “I’m going to watch the game.”

Kanna looked at her husband walk away and shook her head. “He doesn’t know what he wants. Old badger.”

Katara laughed. “I could have told you that.”

“Can you believe he used to be worse?” Kanna guffawed.

Katara snorted. Zuko looked over at her, furrowing his brow.

“Pakku is Gran-Gran’s second husband,” Katara explained. “She didn’t give him the time of day until they were a lot older and Pakku mellowed out. I guess I’m kind of to blame for their relationship. I went to his martial arts school to learn tai chi. He insisted,” she shook her head. “I wasn’t old enough to start the beginner classes. I swear I heard someone say it was because I was a girl and I threw a fit.”

“Of course you did,” Zuko smirked, knowing.

She pulled away from him and play slapped his arm. “Shut up! Long story short, he found out I was Gran-Gran’s granddaughter after I started lessons and he reconnected with her. And here we are.”

“I guess that’s kind of like us, huh?”

“Hmm?” Kanna raised an eyebrow.

Katara grimaced. “Yea, you know you’re right.”

“We weren’t exactly the friendliest when we met,” Zuko explained

“That’s an understatement,” Katara laughed.

“But now, look at you,” Kanna said.

Zuko smiled at Katara. Best friends.

“How did this happen? I was surprised when Hakoda said you were dating.”

“It felt right,” Zuko said, really without thinking. Oh boy, way to go, Ryuku. Foot in mouth.

Katara smiled back, bigger. Zuko could see the shock in her eyes.

“Those are always the best relationships,” Kanna’s eyes grew warm. “I’ll let you get settled in Zuko. Katara, help me set the table.”

“I’ll be right there.” Katara watched her grandmother walk away. “What was that?” She drew out her question in a whisper.

Zuko blushed. “Just following through.”

“If you make them love you, I won’t be able to let you go.” Katara snorted.

He nodded. Yea, Ryuku, slow down.

“Lemme go help. I have my phone on me if you need me.”

“Got it.”

Zuko unpacked, familiarizing himself with the guest room and bathroom. He called his uncle and checked in to hear how his flight was.

“I’m having Thanksgiving with Katara’s family.”

“That sounds nice. I know this arrangement wasn’t ideal.”

“It’s been okay so far.”

“Good. I’m glad. Take care, Nephew.”

“Goodbye Uncle. Greet Lu Ten and the family for me.”

“Will do. Love you Nephew.”

“Love you Uncle.”

Zuko put his phone in his pocket and wandered around looking for Katara.

“Zuko!” Hakoda called, smiling.

Zuko tensed up. “Sir.”

“Can you lend me a hand? We’ll eat as soon as Sokka comes.”

“Sure.” Zuko felt thoughts bouncing around in his head.

“Be careful, the pan’s hot.” Hakoda handed him potholders.

“Thank you.” Zuko began plating the roasted vegetables.

“So, your cousin just had a baby?”

“Yea, Uncle is really excited to have a grandson. Lu Ten and Kimiko’s first child came early. We were planning on visiting them together around Christmas. But, it made more sense to get a refund from our December tickets and use the credit to buy a ticket for Uncle to go see them now.”

“That must be exciting.”

“Yea. I’ll still see them at Christmas.”

“I forgot to ask if you had any food allergies or dietary restrictions.” Hakoda pulled the turkey out of the oven.

Zuko realized he hadn’t answered and cleared his throat, “Uh.” Zuko focused on scooping out a stubborn beet. “No I don’t have any dietary restrictions. Thank you for asking.”

“Of course.”

Zuko wasn’t sure how to handle Hakdoa. He wasn’t quite like Uncle and he wasn’t like Father. Zuko watched him out of the corner of his eye. The older man surveyed the food prepared. Hakoda gave him another task. And after seeing him struggle, Hakoda gently instructed him on how to get stuffing off the spoon in one motion. Maybe it’s not for show.

“I think, that’s everything.” Hakoda glanced at his phone. “Sokka says he’s in the driveway. Let’s start putting everything on the table. Thank you for the help.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t want to be a freeloader.”

“Nonsense, you’re a guest!”

“There you are.” Katara stood when they entered the dining room. “Sokka’s washing his hands now. Here, lemme help you.”

“Relax Katara. You didn’t bring home a freeloader.” Hakoda winked at Zuko.

Zuko sent back a small smile.

“Dad! Don’t call him that! Zuko is very hardworking.”

Hakoda’s eyebrows shot up. “I was teasing, sweetie.”

“I mentioned that I didn’t want to be a freeloader and I didn’t mind helping out,” Zuko said. He placed his dish on the table trying to ignore the relief and joy wanting to explode inside of him.

Katara sighed. “Pakku is being hostile. I could really use you as an ally, Dad.”

“Who’s this?”

Zuko faced the speaker. When he saw, who he assumed to be Sokka, looking at him with curiosity and not a glare, he released the tension in his jaw and uncurled fists

Katara had echoes of Hakoda in her mannerisms and eyes. Her brother was his spitting image.

“This is Zuko, my boyfriend.”

Sokka narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. “Boy, do you know how to pick them,” he said.

“Sokka!” Hakoda chided.

“Hey!” Katara slammed a hand on the table.

Here it is. Zuko felt his muscles coil, the tension reclaiming its place.

“What! I’m just saying this guy looks like bad news. After Jet, I thought you’d—“

“Shut up! Zuko’s nothing like Jet. And just because you c—“

“Enough.” Hakoda motioned for them to stop, miming a line. “Cut it out both of you. Sokka, that was incredibly rude. You owe your sister and our guest an apology.”

Sokka grumbled sorry’s as he pulled out his chair to sit down.

Zuko remembered one of Katara’s rants about her older brother. He’s a genius but sometimes I swear he’s six.

“Are you okay?” Katara leaned over to ask once the rest of the family sat down at the table.

“Peachy,” Zuko responded through grit teeth.

“He’s not normally like this.”

Zuko glanced at her and saw the worry in her face. He forced a smile, “Clearly, not with you.”

She bumped shoulders with him.

He glanced over again as she accepted a plate of turkey. He caught her smiling to herself and his heart fluttered.

I really want to hold her hand right now.

“I’ll wash the dishes.” Katara offered standing up once everyone had finished their dessert.

She might as well have opened a window or turned on a light.

Dinner had been a mix of awkward silences and pointed questions.

“I can help,” Zuko stacked her plate on top of his. He shot her a look to say, ‘We need to debrief.’

“No, Katara you’re probably tired. Why don’t I do the dishes?” Sokka didn’t take his eyes off of Zuko.

“Sokka, I’m fine. If anything, you should switch with Zuko not me.”

“He’s a strapping young man. I’m sure he can handle it.”

Hakoda glanced at Zuko who shrugged and stood to collect more plates.

“Fine by me.” Zuko walked into the kitchen.

The two of them washed dishes in silence. Zuko scrapped food into tupperware or the garbage. Sokka washed them and set them to dry.

“So what’s your deal?” Zuko asked, after several minutes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Why are you giving me such a hard time?”

“‘Cus I know how sleazebags look at my sister and what they think they can get out of her and there’s no way I’m stepping out of the way to let that happen.”

“And, I’m a sleazebag? You just met me. How can you be so sure?”

“You look like the poster child of bad boys. I just need to get you a leather jacket and some piercings.”

“Really what gave it away? The scar?” Zuko pointed to the burn scar around his left eye.

Sokka glared at him, sensing the sarcasm. “Yea, you look like you make reckless decisions and I don’t want my baby sister around someone like that.”

“Newsflash Sherlock,” Zuko took measured breaths to keep his tone even, “my dad gave me this scar when I was thirteen. Katara has known me for two years and we’ve been best friends for a year and a half. Maybe you should stop looking at her like your baby sister and consider maybe she’s learned from her relationship with Jet.” Zuko returned to scrapping food into tupperware.

“Zuko, I––“

“How are you two doing in here?” Hakoda popped his head in the kitchen. “Need an extra hand.”

“Peachy, sir.”

“We’re good, Dad.”

Hakoda nodded, before leaving them. His footsteps became faint.

“Zuko, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Zuko shrugged.

“I––“

“Oh, that reminds me.” Hakoda opened the kitchen door. “Sokka why don’t you bring Zuko with you to the mall?”

Zuko looked at Sokka and watched his mouth gape open.

“Uh, actually––“

“I’m okay with that. Katara won’t be shopping. I don’t have any assignments due when I get back from break either.”

“Great! Glad to see you come around Sokka.” Hakoda tapped the doorframe.

Sokka waited for his father to leave. “You didn’t have to do that. I was sucha jerk to you.”

“You were. But, you’re still Katara’s brother.”

“Are you okay?” Katara leaned over the armrest of her chair towards Zuko.

“Yes, Katara,” Zuko laughed, “for the hundredth time.”

“It’s just been hostile I didn’t expect this big of a reaction.”

“You’re the princess. I think families are always like this with their only daughters.”

“Your sister’s partner would get this kind of red carpet treatment?” Katara snorted.

“No, but Azula’s not like you. She’s not as close with the family. For what it’s worth, I don’t regret coming.”

“Really?”

Zuko nodded his head. Spending time with you like this—

Katara smirked. “Look who’s getting soft.”

A blush blossomed across his cheeks and down his neck. He scoffed, crossing his arms. “Never mind.”

“No, no, no! I’m glad you don’t regret it. I owe you big time.”

Zuko’s eyes jumped to her lips and he turned his face away from her. Cut it out Ryuku. You’re breaking up soon anyway.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Katara tugged on his arm.

“Uh, hanging out with your brother.”

“Really? How did that happen?”

“Well, your dad suggested it and I think I felt bad for him.”

“Zuko,” she gently chided. “You don’t have to do things you don’t want to.”

“No no, it’s fine. He’ll be more reasonable tomorrow.”

“Why’s that?”

“I kinda blew up about my scar.”

Katara swore, “He asked about that?”

“He didn’t ask as much as assume I was a delinquent or something.”

She shot up, “That jerk!”

Zuko grabbed her arm. “Hey! It’s okay. We talked about it. He’s a lot more rational now.”

“But––“

“Katara, it’s okay I promise.”

She sighed. “Okay, fine.” She flopped on the couch next to him, abandoning her previous seat. “Do you want to see a movie tomorrow?” She held onto his arm. “We haven’t spent any time together so far.”

The blue of her eyes flooded his thoughts. “Sure.” He turned away.

“Does it matter what?”

“You pick.”

“Great! We should at least pack in a fake date right?”

Zuko nodded, ignoring the ache in his chest.

“How was shopping?” Katara looped an arm around Zuko’s neck, leaning her head against his. Sokka and Zuko had been waiting for her in the food court.

“Good. Zuko is actually a better shopping partner than you are Katara.”

She snorted. “If that gets me off the hook of spending two hours with you as you agonize over one belt, so be it. Can I have my boyfriend back? Our movie starts soon and I want to see if the popcorn line is worth it.”

“Yea yea sure. You kids have fun.”

Katara stood back to let Zuko stand up. She lobbed car keys to Sokka.

“You ready?” She looked up at him.

“Lead the way.” He took her hand.

Katara decided the line was too long and they found their seats.

“How was shopping?”

Zuko chuckled. “Sokka and Uncle both have the same shopping habits. It’s really uncanny.”

“And, he wasn’t a jerk?”

“No. He was fine. We ran into Suki. They’re gonna plan a date.”

“Wait! Suki Suki? How did that happen?”

“To start, we kept running into her all day and he’s not really subtle.”

“As subtle as a jackhammer.” Katara nodded

“Suki walked by our table before you showed up and I just was gonna go crazy if I heard him talk about her for another thirty minutes. So I kinda flagged her down and introduced myself. I mentioned that I had to go make a call but that Sokka had something to ask her and walked away.”

Katara grabbed his arm. “Then, what happened?”

“I came back like ten-ish minutes later and he had Suki’s number.”

“You got my brother a date with Suki?!”

“That’s one interpretation.”

“Why do you have to be so perfect?” She put her hands on her forehead. “My brother blew his chances with Suki the minute he met her. I think it took him five minutes to his foot in his mouth. He’s had the biggest crush on her for years.”

“I know. He told me.”

“Zuko,” she laughed. “My family is never gonna let me live breaking up with you down.”

Zuko chose to ignore that comment. “I’m actually surprised they like me. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Really? I talked you up. Plus, Zuko, you’re like a catch. You know that right.”

He shot her a skeptical look.

“It’s facts! Besides, I kinda went through an anti-love phase after Jet. I think they’re just happy I’m brought someone normal home. But enough about them. I’m glad we’re gonna watch a movie together.”

“Really?” Zuko teased.

She laughed. “Seriously. I feel like everyone has got to spend time with you except for me. We can’t have that.”

“Yea, perish the thought.”

She snorted. “And like it has been crazy at school, too.”

“Right, I’m lucky to get any time with you, Madame Vice President.”

“So, it’s nice.”

Zuko hummed in agreement.

Katara wrapped her hands around Zuko’s forearm, resting her hands there. She rested her head against his shoulder. “I’m glad you didn’t spend Thanksgiving alone.”

He rested his head against hers. “Me too.”

“So…”

“So?” Katara sat down. “Your text was a little bit of an SOS. What happened?”

Zuko groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. “Somehow, we never realized that Pakku and my Uncle play paisho together.”

“Get out.” Katara set her phone down on the table.

“Yea, and Pakku told Uncle that we’re dating.”

Katara swore.

“Uncle was pretty devastated that I hadn’t told him we were dating.”

Katara’s face fell. “Oh no. What did you say to him exactly?”

“Essentially what you told your dad. That it was really sudden and that I kinda didn’t think it was gonna last long.” Zuko swallowed past the lump in his throat. “But since we’re together, he wants to invite you over for Christmas.” He ran his hands through his hair. “But like, a big Christmas, with Lu Ten’s and my mom’s family.”

Katara chewed her fingernail. “Well,” she looked at the table, “you did Thanksgiving with my folks. It’s only fair I do a holiday with yours.”

“Katara,” Zuko shook his head. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” My heart can’t take this.

“Well, what’s our alternative?”

“We could just let them know that it didn’t work out and we were better off as friends.”

“You don’t want to do this?”

“No, it’s just,” he sighed. I want to and that’s the problem because I don’t think you want this to be permanent. “I don’t want this to get complicated.”

“You’re not twisting my arm. If that’s what you’re afraid of.”

Zuko sighed again. This was not the plan.

“As long as we break up before Valentine’s Day. I think they’ll understand. We can just do it in the middle of the semester and they can’t badger us about it cus we won’t be back home until Spring Break.”

“February is two months away. You’re okay with ‘dating’ until then?” He searched her face.

“I told you, you were a catch, Ryuku.” Katara smiled.

Zuko gave her a weak smile in return. Pretend.

“Who knew the dork would bring home such a beautiful girlfriend?” Lu Ten put Zuko in a headlock.

“Babe,” Kimiko chuckled, “Cut it out. Nice to meet you.” She smiled at Katara.

“Likewise,” Katara smiled.

“Where’s baby Kibou?” Zuko asked, finally wrestling free of his cousin.

“With Dad.”

Zuko glanced at Katara. “Do you want to go meet him?”

“Sure!”

“Let’s go.” Lu Ten grinned, watching them.

“Uh, just a heads-up that Uncle is almost the exact opposite of Pakku,” Zuko whispered to Katara.

“If I could handle Pakku, your warning is in vain.” Katara winked at him.

Uncle Iroh stood rocking the baby. He turned towards them as they entered the living room. “Hello!” His smile grew as his eyes shrank. Where Pakku was a steely facade, Iroh exuded energy and comfort. “Kimi, I think Kibou is getting hungry. He’s a little fussy.”

“Oh, Kibou, let your mommy have a break.” Kimiko accepted her son from Iroh. “I’ll be right back.”

“You must be Katara.”

Katara smiled, “I am.”

Zuko pressed a hand at the small of her back. “Katara, Uncle. Uncle Iroh, Katara, my girlfriend.”

“I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

She whipped her head to look at Zuko. “Really? I’ve heard about you too, Uncle Iroh. Clearly not to level of detail you’ve heard about me.”

Zuko’s face took on more color. “Uncle,” he protested.

“Zuko’s been a lot happier since you two have become friends. I think you two will make a fine couple.”

“Uncle!”

“What?” Uncle moved forward and extended his hands for Katara. She placed her hands in his and he squeezed them. “It really is a pleasure to meet you. I know you two were taking your time to tell everyone but I felt it would be nice to see everyone for the holidays.”

“I sprang Thanksgiving on Zuko. It’s only fair.”

He squeezed her hands again, chuckling.

The doorbell rang.

“That must be Aunt Ursa. Dad, do you want to open for them. I’ll check on Kimi.”

Zuko drew his lips in a line.

“Yea, I’ll get it.” Iroh let go of Katara’s hands and headed to the door.

Katara waited until it was the two of them before turning around to face Zuko, his hand withdrawing from her. “How are you feeling?”

Zuko shrugged. “Just have to face it head on, right?”

Her eyes bounced back and forth between his, searching. “I’m here for you, okay?”

He felt his heartbeat settling. He nodded. He felt his head lean towards her but stopped short of touching her. Her eyes are so blue.

“Zuko.”

They turned.

Ursa stood in the doorway. “Hi, how are you baby?”

Zuko felt tears prick his eyes. “I-I’m ok.”

Katara took his hand. He grasped her hand, feeling how his trembled.

For Pete’s sake, Ryuku.

She squeezed back.

“Ikem and Kiyi are taking their coats off now. I’m so excited for them to see you again. And you’re well?” Her forehead wrinkled.

Zuko ducked his head, nodding again.

“Good.”

He could hear the hesitance in her voice, as if she wasn’t sure.

“Kiyi.” A man ushered a little girl into the room behind Ursa. The little girl glanced up at Katara and Zuko and walked backwards until she bumped into the man. She scurried behind him holding on to Ursa’s pants.

Ursa looked down at her. “You remember Kiyi.” She placed a hand behind Kiyi’s head and tried to coax her back where Zuko and Katara could see her, but she refused. Ursa sighed, chuckling softly before putting her hand on the man’s shoulder. “And, you remember Ikem, my husband.”

Ikem took a step forward and extended his hand. “Nice to see you, Zuko.”

Katara squeezed his hand again before letting go and nudging him forward.

“Nice to see you, too.” He glanced back at Katara, who was already by his side. “This is Katara, my girlfriend. Katara, my mother, Kiyi, and Ikem.”

“It’s so nice to meet you all.” Katara shook Ursa and Ikem’s hands.

“Kiyi, don’t you want to meet Zuzu’s girlfriend?”

Kiyi shook her head. She moved behind her mother after her father exposed her.

Ursa shrugged her shoulders, apologetically. “She’ll warm up once we get settled.”

“No rush.” Katara slid a hand across Zuko’s back to loop an arm around his waist.

He let out a breath, realizing how tense he’d become. He focused on her warmth and let his shoulders relax. He looked up at his mom. Her forehead was still furrowed and Zuko felt a pang in his chest.

“It’s really good to see you mom. I know it’s been a long time––“

“No! I could have made a better effort, too. It’s so good to see you, baby.”

He smiled, leaning into Katara. She squeezed him.

Ursa surveyed them before smiling in return.

Ursa cocked her head slightly. “Sorry, we had already planned on sending Kiyi’s crosspoint to Zuko. I ‘helped her’ with this one for you, Katara.”

“It was last minute. I understand.” Katara smiled at Ursa, smoothing out the embroidered bookmark.

“Dad, has to be special and require handmade gifts.” Lu Ten teased

“But, Katara was able to make candles in time for all of us. It’s not too unreasonable,” Iroh responded.

“You weren’t the one answering hundreds of questions about which scents you all would prefer or stayed up on the phone with her as she made those candles.” Zuko crossed his arms.

“Yea, but that sounds like boyfriend duties, Zuko.” Lu Ten smirked.

“Yea,” Katara turned to face him. “Tough luck.”

Zuko couldn’t help the small smile on his face. If this is tough luck.

“I do have cookies, since I figured Kiyi might not be too ecstatic about candles.”

“You nailed it with the mermaid candle.” Ikem glanced at his daughter, playing in the corner. She’d every now and again uncap her candle and smell it before setting back down.

“Kiyi, do you want to do tea time with Ms. Katara?” Ursa leaned towards her daughter. “It would be a nice ‘thank you’ for the candle.”

Kiyi glanced at Katara.

Katara smiled, nodding in agreement.

Kiyi looked her mother again, nodding slightly.

“Lets go make some tea.” Ursa took her daughter’s hand and led her out of the living room. She beckoned Katara to follow her.

Katara squeezed Zuko’s hand before getting off the couch they shared to follow his mother into the kitchen.

“Oh, I do have a new pot Kiyi can use. Let me go get it.” Uncle Iroh stood up to find it for his niece.

Kimiko stood. “Tea actually sounds lovely. Be right back, babe.”

“So, Katara.” Lu Ten steepled his fingers, raising an eyebrow and smirking. “What’s the story?”

Zuko scratched the back of his neck.

“No need to get shy. You’re gonna have to tell this story a million more times.”

“It’s just. I, I don’t think we’re gonna last that long.”

“What do you mean?” Lu Ten frowned. “You guys look happy together. Are you just preparing for the worst?”

“It’s in the tea leaves, as Uncle says.” Zuko put his face in his hands.

“If you don’t want that to happen, what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t think Katara wants a long-term relationship with me.”

“Have you asked her?”

“It’s kind of obvious. She doesn’t have to tell me. It’s been a casual relationship.” Zuko felt his chest constrict at that reality. Their movie date had been an anomaly.

“But it could be serious and long-term if you said what you wanted. Is just letting your relationship fall apart a better option?”

Zuko shrugged.

“You want to stay with her, don’t you?”

“Yea of course.”

“So, act like it. Katara saw something in you to agree to be your girlfriend. She came here and met your crazy family, and I know you tried to dissuade her. You guys haven’t been dating for six months. That’s a lot of commitment from someone who’s in a casual relationship.”

“You don’t understand. There’s more to the story.”

“Yea, you’re right.” Lu Ten stood up. “I don’t know the full story. And neither do you. Either you save your relationship or watch it go up in flames. C’mon, let’s see what the girls are up to.”

Zuko reluctantly stood up.

“Knock knock!” Lu Ten opened the door to the bedroom Iroh had prepared for Kiyi. “Can two boys come in? Or is it a girls only party?”

“You can come in Uncle Lu Ten!”

Lu Ten smiled back at his cousin.

Zuko rolled his eyes. Like father, like son.

“We were gonna join you. But, it looks like there’s only room for one more. Zuko, why don’t you stay and I see how Kimi and Kibou are doing.” He clapped a hand on Zuko’s shoulder.

“Yea have a seat, Zuzu.” Katara smiled.

Where are your allies when you need them. Zuko sat down.

“Perfect timing. I should go put the cookies in the oven. I’ll be right back.” Katara winked at Zuko.

Kiyi’s mouth dropped as she watched Katara walk out. She glanced at her brother before staring at her teacup and furrowing her brows.

How the tables turn. Not my plan either, kid.

“…Would you like more tea?” Zuko lifted the teapot.

Kiyi shook her head.

Zuko poured himself a cup. “Uncle makes a good pot of tea.”

Kiyi nodded.

“Do you know what kind of cookies Katara made?”

Kiyi shook her head.

“Did you have a good tea time?”

She nodded. “Ms. Katara is nice.”

“Yea, she is.”

“Are you gonna marry her?”

Zuko choked, sputtering tea into his hand. “What?”

Kiyi had on a serious expression. “She’s really nice and she likes you. If you like her back, you should marry her.”

“Kiyi, it’s more complicated than that.” He wiped his hand in a napkin.

Kiyi pouted and Zuko swore he saw a six-year-old Azula in her expression. “How? Ms. Katara said she’s happy she came. She really wanted to make you happy.”

“Yea, that’s cus we’re friends.”

“That’s not what she tol–“ Kiyi covered her mouth.

Zuko stared at his younger sister. “What did she tell you Kiyi?”

“It was a secret. I can’t tell you.”

He leaned back. “That’s fair.”

They each took a sip of their tea.

“Can you poor me some more, Zuzu? My tea is cold.”

Zuko lifted the pot. “There isn’t much left. We should go get some more.”

They walked to the kitchen together in silence. Kiyi opened the door.

“Hey, the cookies will be cool in a couple minutes.” Katara greeted them.

“Did you just take them out?” Zuko asked he turned on the fire under the tea on the stove.

“Mhm. But as soon as they’re the right temperature, you should try one, Kiyi. They taste good cool but amazing almost out of the oven.”

Kiyi struggled to sit on the stool.

Katara and Zuko both moved to help her. Katara laughed, waving Zuko on to go ahead.

“Thank you.” Kiyi leaned forward on her forearms.

“Did you guys have a good chat?”

“Yes,” Zuko answered, watching the tea.

��We ran out of tea.”

“I see that.” Katara smiled.

“Kiyi, darling, your aunt is on the phone and she’d like to talk to you. We can come back and get cookies later, okay?” Ikem wrapped his arm around his daughter and set her on the ground before taking her hand. “Ms. Katara will want to hang out with Zuko.”

“Oh, the cookies just cooled; so she can have one now.” Katara handed her one in a napkin. “Zuko and I can come visit you soon and have a proper tea party.”

“Really?”

“I mean if Zuko wants to.”

Kiyi looked at Zuko and raised both her eyebrows, another classic Azula face. Get with the program, dummy.

Zuko turned off the stove before facing Katara and crossing his arms. “Kiyi is gonna be devastated when we break up.”

Katara’s eyes became round. She took a bite of her cookie and looked away. “About that. I wanted to talk––.“

“I don’t want to break up.”

Katara’s eyes flashed to his.

“I know we said this was all pretend but I don’t, I never wanted it to be.”

Her mouth fell open. She set her cookie down.

Zuko swallowed. Heat radiated throughout his body. “I want to be your boyfriend Katara, for real.”

Katara closed her mouth and nodded. “I don’t want to break up either.”

Zuko’s breath stuttered. “Seriously?” He took a moment to process what she said. Calm realization rooting out anxious nerves.

“Yea,” she laughed. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. Like I said you’re a serious catch and––“

Zuko stepped around the island and cradled Katara’s face in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed her. She slowly took hold of his shirt. He moved closer as she tugged on him. Katara gasped a little and Zuko pressed closer still, deepening the kiss. He let out a soft moan.

When they pulled back, Zuko knew his favorite color in the world was the shade of Katara’s eyes after making out. The blue was deep and stormy.

He brushed his thumb along her jaw. “I cut you off as you were complimenting me. And?” He smiled laying his forehead on hers.

Katara snorted, wrapping her arms around Zuko’s neck. “I don’t know. I forgot.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “You had something more urgent than listening to me compliment you so let’s just pick up from there.”

Zuko settled a hand on her waist and brushed his lips against hers. “Your wish is my command.”

#zutara exchange 2019 #zutara AU #zutara fanfiction

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duckbeater · 6 years ago

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Duck Beater at Ten; or, The Orphans

[Editor’s Note: I started this blog a decade ago—occasion enough, I thought, for me to reflect on what it’s meant to contribute (in my extraordinarily untimely and narrow way) to a log that has tried (and more often failed) at recording where I’m at and how I’m doing and what I’m thinking and where I’m going. Having this space has not unreasonably kept me in it—I mean, its persistence has kept me reflecting more or less on the period of its inception. I think a lot about who I was at 23, which is idiotic and costly. I read more books back then. I had no money. My best friend was my brother. I thought I would write a novel.]

Years ago, my brother’s friend offended him when she asked me why I didn’t prefer one brand of paint over another. I was probably in my apartment's kitchen, working on a canvas, and they were probably behind me, eating my boyfriend's food.

I painted then because I was very poor. One way of thinking through your poverty—if you haven't drugs or sex or a brain injury—is to create pointless tasks for yourself, which is what art-making very often is. It's like Vicodin. It's very lovely, costly, addicting, transporting and makes your stomach hurt if you're not full-up already on something else (say, mashed potatoes). I was painting a truly hideous “family portrait”—globs of white and green paint shaped like cast-off “Sesame Street” creatures—and I was painting, besides, for myself. To hold the brush and to fold the colors and to smell the Turpenoid. A.J. had the money for food (our dying grandfather had cosigned on a student loan) and yet there he was with Victoria, in my apartment, peeling back the silvery foil of a Pop-Tart, making crinkling sounds.

I shouldn't say “my apartment” because it was really Cole’s: I had decamped there when we fell hard in love. This was on the corner of Union and Greenwich, across from an intramural field, and beyond that the law school. It was low-income housing: most has been destroyed; and now that I'm on Google I find the places I walked by, the porch I painted bright blue, the rooms I cherished (orange, annoyingly), they've all disappeared. There's odd grassy lots where there were once old, three-apartment houses, their interiors mangled to accommodate the crying fits of off-campus seniors. In the decade since their vanishment, even the indentations of walkways, of their foundations are invisible, and the lawns are as serene and flat and verdant as well-maintained graves. I recall coming off work one night that October, and finding Cole in the stairwell to the second-floor flat. He was crumpled in a ball, on the phone, arguing with his father: I should visit for Thanksgiving; I should be considered family. He was so angry he was bawling, and he hated me to touch him, and I left him in a daze which is also how I finally left him—in a daze, hating me to touch him. (But on better terms with his father.) Well, that stairwell is gone.

A.J. and Victoria, and in fact many of A.J.’s other law school friends, they regularly came into this apartment. (I have written about them before and realized only in editing this piece that the following brief description is a paraphrase of that missive.) They played Mario Kart on the GameCube, recited Moot Court speeches and ate take-out on the sofas. They gossiped incessantly because a small law school is a high school (it even had lockers), and the attendees are as reckless and dispirited and status-hungry as freshmen in a high school. He was a first year then and I was a fifth year finishing my undergrad, and so I saw all of A.J.'s new friends more than I ever saw my old ones because my old friends had moved on. (They went to Austin, Texas. They stayed at most three years and then relocated to either Los Angeles or the Pacific Northwest.)

I want to try to remember Victoria without resorting to her Instagram account. Back then, she took great pains to distinguish herself as a sophisticated New Englander. I see: high socks, long “piecey” hair, a face white-powdered to pore-less perfection. Perhaps because she was changing her life at twenty-eight and not at twenty-three, as other law students were, her look inclined toward the transformative, toward the gothic and the chic-severe. (Why am I describing her as a later-day Wednesday Addams? She was not a Wednesday Addams. She wore colors. She drank Pimm’s with grape fruit slices and soda water. We took day trips to places like Gary, Indiana, listening to Sam Amidon on the Camry’s stereo.) What I think is, she was alarmed and depressed to be at a “fourth-tier law school in the middle of an ugly corner in uglier Indiana,” and so rebelled against the smallness of her new life by having outsized opinions on luxury goods and fine foods and exotic locales. The worst was that no one knew what she was talking about. She felt this and compensated by hosting foreign film nights. She preferred “the scene,” knew of a scene (there was a music one close by, apparently, in Chicago), and she called herself, sometimes guffawing, a “scenester,” but also wanted us to know she was down with whatever. Just, whatever. She nettled everyone but mostly everyone pitied her, so on balance, her gloom and her snobbery were tolerated.

Victoria made mysterious, indelible gestures. Their performances were somehow less memorable than their obscure resonances, and those resonances affected us obscurely, too. An example. She once loaned A.J. a copy of A Wild Sheep Chase, wanting to hook him on Murakami. When he gave it back unread at the end of term, she insisted it was a replacement copy, that he had lost her original. “If I lost your book,” he told her flatly (and not at all to his credit), “I would not have bothered replacing it.” She said, “No, no—you would. And this is proof.” She told exasperated classmates that A.J. had lost her beloved Murakami paperback and tried to replace it with an exact copy, a conviction seemingly borrowed from the phantasmagorical worlds of Murakami. She used this as a wedge issue about trust, about fidelity. “You’re a coward who couldn’t tell me the truth,” she said, slipping comfortably into a Whit Stillman role. “You’re a deceiver.” To this day, A.J. accepts loaned books graciously while maintaining (not, I think, aloud), “If I lose this, I won’t replace it.” He has never replaced a book I loaned and then he re-loaned again, and there have been more than a dozen. Victoria gave him that.

Another example. When A.J. proposed to his wife, Victoria emailed soon after, advising against the marriage. Incredibly, she sent an email to A.J.’s fiancée too, her reasons for either party diametrically proposed. She was not certain A.J. harbored a strong enough attachment to commit to what she thought would be a lifelong and life-destroying folly. And to Tayler, she said that the two did not know each other enough; that, although they met and dated in high school, and all through college, had not found themselves as adults and might try living longer, in other relationships, before settling down. The emails were cruel, stupid, and strange. Their audience did the generous thing: blamed them on the performer's romantic illusions and then dismissed them as curiosities. Yet sometimes A.J. wishes he had kept his “receipts”—that he’d printed out Victoria’s appeals to him and Tayler, to have at hand such shining examples of sincerity. I’ve heard him rueful about it. “I’m not trying to be an asshole,” he’s said, “but I wish I had these things to point to and say, ‘Here is someone who believes she is doing the right thing.’” But all those emails are gone. The law school closed last year—rather spectacularly, given the coverage in the Times. He doesn’t even have an alumni vanity mailing address.

Victoria adopted this business about oil paints from someone else, her “friend who shows in Chelsea,” a factor that compounded A.J.'s ire. “He uses exclusively, I think, Windsor and Newton,” she said. “Mixing from other labels creates inconsistencies, sometimes chemical clashes?” She opened the fridge and A.J., after scrubbing it with a towel, sat atop the counter. Bluish light came in through bay windows. The law students appeared not only chronically under-slept (they were) but also ethereal, and perhaps very ill. Victoria helped herself to milk. The cords in A.J.'s neck strained as he gazed at the ceiling, lips pursed, white-knuckling the countertop. Some of this was histrionics and some of this was my brother holding onto his sanity.

I said I didn’t I have a preference—or rather, I just didn’t think about it. I had inherited some desiccated oils from my grandma, raided other buttery leftovers from the art building, had bought cheap, thin student sets in the last full years of school—and I got by on what I had. I got by beautifully, actually, elbow-deep in half-tubes and tubes splayed open at the ends, and tubes coaxed open with needle-nose pliers. The mineral reek and vegetal reek from these paints necessitated full days of airing out the apartment. The solvents and extenders smelled of clove cigarettes smoked indoors. I left canvases to dry outside, where they collected tree fluff and tiny, delicate dead bugs. My images were neither hurt nor helped by these environmental additions. I said I was paying down student loan debt, and would practice brand loyalty when I was solvent again. Victoria said, “Oh, but you really should.” I thought to myself, perhaps for the first time, Why did my brother befriend this orphan?

“I really should,” I say to myself, most days on my drive. Wasn't there a performance art piece—a woman, saying 1,000 things she should do, into a tape-recorder? “I really should recycle. I really should call my mother. I really should pay my parking tickets.” I really should honor ritual and superstition, and my gut instincts. I really should read what I buy or at least attend more assiduously to reviews, so as to refrain from buying disappointments. I really should do my part to cut back on carbon emissions, clean the seas, and vote. Everything is in reach. The way Victoria said it—breezy, condescending, hopeful—is the way I hear most advice, particularly the advice I give myself: spoken in the tones of unconvincing conviction. I drank much less then (somehow), still I had a bottle of Bombay Sapphire at hand (somehow), and peered at Victoria and A.J. through its blue glass, tripling their blue-hued bodies.

Much later I wrote a play where a character unhappy in love does the same thing. In the stage directions, the young man “goes to the wine cooler, pulls out a beautiful champagne magnum, studies it, puts it back and takes out another. Every bottle dazzles his countenance with jewel-like light—emerald and sapphire; amethyst and ruby; garnet and topaz lights, they sparkle across his bare chest and face as he inspects the bottles. He decides on a blue bottle of Prosecco, lavishly foiled, and brings it to his eyes like binoculars and for a moment considers his open hand, his surroundings, even his audience through the dark blue glass, and the stage glows beautifully blue, too. With great delicacy he unwraps and unwires the Prosecco, and uncorks it in a kitchen towel, and pours himself a glass. He drinks alone, picking at his phone, while the stage goes dark.” It was well past midnight in the second act. The kitchen was empty.

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purplesurveys · 6 years ago

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382

-What was the last song that you sang out loud? I played a Destiny’s Child playlist when we were out for a bit earlier so I was most likely rapping along to Bug A Boo before we got home. -If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? I don’t think I can. I’d rather just not have my face directly on them when talking. -With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? Angela. She knows e v e r y t h i n g. -Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? My...phone? Haha. If I get anxious I need to watch videos to distract me. My phone has YouTube. Also bracelets that Gabie has given me over the years. -When are you likely to hide your emotions? When I’m with people that don’t really know about my anxiety. People I’m not close to, in general.

-Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? I think both are equally terrifying??? Both put the body in immense pain and it goes through a slow, agonizing shutdown and I don’t even want to think about experiencing other lol. -Who was the last person to take your breath away? MY GIRLFRIEND -When you turn on the TV, what channel do you flip to? Probably a movie channel but I legit have not watched television in yearssss. I watch everything on Netflix now. -Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? No. -What was the last comment someone made on your music taste? I don’t have much of a music taste so it’s not really something people tend to make comments on. -Where do you go/what do you do when you need to calm down? My room. Or to my best friends. -What was the last mess you cleaned up? I had a stack of readings and stationery scattered all over the dining table last night when I was studying, so I cleaned everything up before going to bed. -Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? Yes I had to talk to Toby because he made a series of disturbing tweets a couple of weeks ago. We aren’t close per se, but he’s an orgmate and therefore a friend, so I messaged him immediately. I’m happy it worked, cos he showed up to school the next day and gave me a bear hug. -When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? Work. -Who, in your opinion, has an amazing voice? Hannah sings a lot, and I really like it when she does because she sounds great. -Would you ever camp out on a beach, under the stars? Of course.

-What is the last thing you complained about? I need a printer to print out my readings (I absolutely cannot study from an e-book) but ours has been broken for years and there’s no Internet/printing shop nearby. UGH I’m serious about complaining over not being able to study haha. -What was the last curse-word you said? Fuck. -When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? I would never fake sick to my Asian mom. -How did you recover from your last bout of tears? I slept. As is always the most effective way to stop crying. -Do you still talk to your very first best friend? Yes. I talked to her last night. -When was the last time something went terribly wrong? Well a couple of weeks ago Gab and I had a huge, really serious fight that had just been unfixable–it was the kind of fight that you just had to wait. And the wait was torture. I was really scared then and I stayed in bed for what was probably 48 hours and ate like two times in that period. -How do you console someone when he or she is upset? I stay with them and listen to them if they have to let things out. -Have you ever seen either one of your parents cry? Just my mom. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw my dad cry. -Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? OUTER SPACE. I’d do anything to have a glimpse into my astronaut dream. -How often do you feel overwhelmed? 7 days a week. -How do you deal with everyday life? Get by. Aren’t we all forced to? -Do you have any secret obsessions or guilty pleasures? I don’t think so. I’m never guilty of whatever it is I’m obsessing at the moment haha. I am into serial killers, like reading and watching docus about them; and obviously I never announce it the world unless it comes up in conversation. -Aside from on this survey, what was the last thing you wrote about? I was writing down notes on my readings from my Southeast Asian history class. -Who in your family do you act like the most? I’m a mix of my mom and dad. I seriously can’t tell you who I act more like. There are certain phrases my mom says that I say, and certain intonations and mannerisms I got from my dad. -What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? I’m into intimate, more between-the-two-of-you kind of stuff, so I always appreciate it when Gab volunteers to drive my car if I ever drink a little bit too much for the night. She helps me get to bed and gets me some clothes to wear too, which is always sweet.

-When you go out to the mall, do people stare? Not me, but my girlfriend and I obviously will get stares from time to time for holding hands. -Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? No. -What just tears at your heartstrings? Videos of dogs reuniting with their owners, abused dogs getting saved and all groomed up, or dogs getting adopted. -Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? GAME OF THRONES -What was the last topic that you ranted about? The lack of a printer that I delved on several survey questions ago. -Is there someone that makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells? Jane lol. She’s the president of our org and will easily get pissed the fuck off sometimes, and it never does my anxiety any good. -Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? Yes. We had this monster of a PE teacher in 2nd grade who would literally kick down doors if she gets angry and would yell at 8 year olds. How she ever got employed in the first place still baffles me. -Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? That’s a huuuuuge no-no in our school, so no. Plus I came from an all-girls’ Catholic school; it just wasn’t in anyone’s nature to pick a fight. -Have you written anything in a bathroom stall? What, if anything? No, I feel so iffy about vandalizing in public. -Is your school like the drama capital of the country? HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You can say that, damn. -A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? I give them a little more and a snack if I had any. -When was the last time you visited a thrift store? I don’t remember. I don’t think I have? -Was there ever a time when you wished you'd never been born? Always. I didn’t even choose to be born lol. -Can you handle constructive criticism? Uhhhhhh only if it’s from someone I truly respect. Otherwise I can honestly be a big baby about criticism. -Who is the most sensitive person that you know? ME. Also one of my friends, Mils. -Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? Nope. -You can have one famous person's wardrobe; who do you choose, and why? Kate’s!!! She dresses so well and looks pretty in all of her outfits. -When was the last time you wrote someone a note? I think December? Aya was down in the dumps pretty bad so I dropped her a short message on Facebook to let her know that I’m always around for her. -Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? I ask permission. Duh. I’m Asian. -What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? Agatha’s birthday party. She’s a good friend, but I’m not friends with any of her friends and I just can’t relate with the college block we both belong to. I scheduled a date with Gabie’s dad on the same night because I didn’t want to go to the party. -On average, how many surveys do you fill out in one day? If I had a lot of time, I could fill out three. Nowadays it’s like once a day/a couple of times a week. -How many hours a day do you spend on Bzoink? I don’t stay on Bzoink; I just go on there to look for surveys. -Which season do you dread the most? I hate Philippine summers. -Do you ever brag about your achievements? Oh god never. I hate putting any attention on me. -If someone makes fun of you, are you able to laugh it off? Tbh no, I’m pretty sensitive and serious in that aspect. I mean I’d smile to be polite but will most likely be whispering something evil about them in my head hahahaha. -When was the last time that you watched the sun come up? Three years ago, in Sagada. -What did you do last Halloween? I think I went out with Gab that day, but it wasn’t to celebrate Halloween. -Last Thanksgiving? -Last Christmas - if you celebrate? I like how Christmas has the *if you celebrate* disclaimer but the North American-centric Thanksgiving doesn’t. Anyway, we had several family dinners and we ate and drank and caught up with one another. -How did you celebrate the arrival of the new year? Also saw some relatives and ate and drank and bonded with my cousins. -Is there a foreign culture you'd like to learn more about? I’d like to know more about all of them if I had the time and the chance. -Have you ever (purposely or accidentally) played with someone's heart? I possibly might’ve with Mike but I don’t want to be an ass and assume. -Has anyone ever played with yours? Sure, you can say that. -Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought "I could have done that?” Not famous, but expensive ones. The ones that are paint splatters hah. -Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real ... just once? LOL YES. I’m terrible for thinking that but yes. Mostly because everyone was such kids about it and never took the drills seriously. I secretly wanted a real one to happen just to see those people regret not being any more serious.

-What is the scariest thing about attending your school? Nothing’s scary about UP. If you’re scared to be in UP you can’t survive in it. -Are you a good judge of other people's intentions? Meh. I can tell sometimes. What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? I’m not so sure, it’s been a while. -Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? Girlfriend. -What is one insecurity you have about your body? Teeth. -What is one part of your body that you are proud of? My overall figure. -When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? Ages ago. I’m getting old myself and don’t want my music too loud lmfao. -When you don't know how to spell a word, do you look it up? Yes, of course. -Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? Nope. I hate making people wait. -Have you seen the movie Super Size Me? No. -Do you still eat at McDonald's, regardless of that film? I’d probably continue eating at any fast food establishment even if I watch a billion documentaries exposing them, being completely honest. -Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a different race? Sometimes. -Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? Of course. Except for one snowflake race out there, lol. -When was the last time you doubted your abilities? Now? -At your favorite restaurant, what do you order? I don’t pick favorite restaurants. -What was the last thing you wished for? A DAMN PRINTER. -How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? Too many. I’m perpetually impatient.

#survey #surveys

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suicidalfeeling · 3 years ago

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Year in Review

Writing this mostly for me to look back on one day. Feel free to leave commentary.

This year has been a rollercoaster ride for me. I finally walked away from a 2+ year toxic relationship. That was honestly the best thing I could’ve done for myself and I regret not leaving sooner. I hung on to that relationship for so long deluding myself with the thought that things would eventually get better. I just remember thinking to myself that I would never be able to leave because that mere though of leaving felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest until one day the thought didn’t tear me up. That’s when I knew it was time to go and this time I didn’t look back. It’s been five months and I’m proud of myself for not going back to him.

In March, I was hospitalized for almost two weeks. I came in because of a bug bite that became infected and I came out with a diabetes diagnosis. I was in critical care for the first week. It was scary. Covid restrictions made it so that I could only have one visitor a day and for the majority of my stay, no one really visited me besides my family. (Even my boyfriend at the time didn’t bother to come and visit even though he had off days) Diabetes is something I never thought I would ever get and it has really changed my life drastically. I used to enjoy eating but it gives me anxiety to eat sometimes. The thought that something I eat could skyrocket my blood sugar kinda scares me. It’s still something I’m learning how to manage. Somedays I’m successful, other days it feels really out of my control.

End of June was when I officially broke it off with my ex and I didn’t come running back this time. I can’t remember what the last straw was but I remember thinking “if I stay, this is what my life will be like forever” and that thought scared me more than the pain of heartbreak.

Started talking to someone in July and we’re still just talking. I’m not really sure where this relationship is going. I’m not even sure if I’m done processing from my last relationship. But I do enjoy his company.

In August, I went to Disneyland with my close friends. I never thought I would ever go there. I didn’t have to worry about constantly sending texts to my boyfriend to prove I was where I said I would be. I didn’t have to worry about him being insecure and in turn making me feel bad. It was such a fun trip. I ate whatever I wanted. I rode all the rides. It was a great time.

In September, I finally started a new job. I finally left the other job that made me feel so miserable. I genuinely enjoy having coworkers. I’m still trying to settle in but so far its been fun.

In November, it was my birthday month and all of my friends made me feel so celebrated and loved. It was literally a month full of celebrations. I also went to New York for the first time with my close friends and it was an adventure. The food was great. Met up with a childhood friend while in the city and got all caught up. For Thanksgiving, I got to spend the week with my best friend from college. I drove 9 hours after work to come and visit her. The trip had its ups and downs but I was so happy to get to see her in person after COVID messed up a lot of our travel plans.

Here we are in December. Just looking at my year and all of the things I’ve experienced. Here’s to an even more adventurous 2022!

#year in review #2021 #toxic relationship #toxic love #depressed #sad #things are looking up #relationships #relationship problems #i'm ok i promise

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so-caffeinated · 7 years ago

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Okay, SO... I think this is probably the best way to reply to my spoilery asks. Responses are below the cut. There are spoilers for all currently posted chapters including the unscheduled one posted today.

There will also be some minor spoilers in answers for future chapters.

Sound good? Here we go!

###TEMPEST SPOILERS BELOW###

(1) Hi!! Long time lurker, first time commenter and I just have to say how much I love your stories!! Two guesses on the Jules/husband spoiler. 1) You mentioned the fact that Jules' husband is good at dancing, and an anon asked if she and her husband met through dancing. You replied no, which makes me lean towards Alex being her husband since Jules and Jackson's first meeting is when he's photographing her while she's dancing

(2) Also in the same ask, you talked about Jules dancing by herself at a BBQ to get her husband's attention, which is something I can picture happening at a Will's house with the other firemen. 2) You said in response to a different ask that Jules is a better cook than the other kids because she bonds with her mother-in-law over it. You also characterized their relationship as having the "potential to be very rocky."

(3) Because Alex's dad died in the Undertaking, I feel like Jules' status as a Queen could potentially make for an awkward conversation at Thanksgiving. :) Hope these make sense!! Thank you for sharing your work and characters with us!!!

FFS, Anon. You should have seen my eyes bug out when I read these. Wow. You’re awfully close to spot-on here. The ‘Jules dancing by herself at a BBQ to get her husband’s attention which is something I can picture happening at Will’s house with the other firemen’ is ABSURD. It’s Alex’s house, not Will’s, but otherwise... basically, yeah. Chapter after next, Anon. Chapter after next... and WHEW, it’s a scene.

She will - though not during Tempest - bond with her mother-in-law largely over cooking. When Jules is committed, she gives her whole self and her whole heart. By the time she falls in love with Alex, she loves all of him. That means his heritage and culture, too. So she learns Spanish and she tries more Mexican foods and she learns to cook some of it, amongst other things. That said... winning over Mama Castillo is not gonna be easy. She liked Alex’s on-again/off-again ex-girlfriend. And... Jules is ten years younger than Alex, she’s not Catholic, she’s not Mexican-American, and she’s a Queen. Alex is her only child and Jules is far from the woman she’d pictured for her little boy.

So I think I know who Jules husband might be. I previous asks you said that if her husband hadn't met Jules, in the other timeline, he would probably have had a daughter with his on again off again girlfriend and I think you said before that Alex(?) had an on again off again girlfriend ( or it was in a chapter)? So I think her husband is Alex.

This is one of those types of spoilers that I forget that I’ve said, but yes. In the other universe he’d have had a daughter with Marisol, his on-again/off-again ex-girlfriend. Having a baby fixes nothing in a relationship, though, and they would have ultimately ended things for good. But Alex never finds something in that universe like what he has with Jules here. There’s nothing even close. Excellent catch, Anon.

I know you can’t respond to this yet but OMG JACKSON NOO POOR JULES IM CRYING IT WAS SO GOOOOOD

ANON! Thank you. Also? I wrote that scene on my birthday. It’d been in my head forever, so it was good to finally get it out, but oh lord... it wasn’t easy. I love Jackson. I really, really do. Killing him was rough.

I am at work reading Tempest and OH MY GOD! This is AMAZING. Your writing is just incredible. I mean, it always has been but this is just beyond. That death. I wasn't expecting it and I had no idea I was so attached to that character! I'm sobbing! And I was already invested in Jules but now I feel 10x more invested in her and her story. I'm so excited to see where all this goes. THANK YOU! This is truly a gift.

Thank you, Anon! That death scene is one of the few things I’ve written that felt like they came out exactly as I pictured. And it’s been in my head a long time. I’m so, so glad you’re invested in this story because it’s entirely hijacked my life. It well and truly has. And being able to share it with people who appreciate it genuinely means the world.

Omg I love tempest. I was majorly shocked with Jacksons death though ...you definitely made me tear up being the amazing writer you are. Can you confirm that it's Alex now as her husband ? I don't know how I will survive waiting till next week!!!!!

Clearly, I couldn’t wait til next week either. THANK YOU! And yes, yes I can confirm now that Alex is her eventual husband. Julex rises, my friend!

Ok did Jackson fake his own death to protect her please say yes is he Sentinel and they will find each other again cause I’m just really heartbroken I know it’s for a reason but I really loved Jackson like a lot and now I’m so sad but thanks for the story I kind of wanted the whole thing out so I could read it all I know that’s a bit selfish but when I read I can’t put it down .

Oh, Anon... He did not. I’m sorry. I love Jackson a lot, too, and killing him was hard, but it was absolutely necessary. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story! I can understand wanting to read it all at once. You can, eventually? If that’s an consolation? But I’m glad you’re loving it even weekly (or slightly more than weekly when I get impulsive).

I just read the prologue and the first chapter and if you want me I’ll be sitting in the corner crying my heart out. literal tears are pouring out of my eyes. This is gonna be so painful. and when he calls her Julie I feel my heart breaking into pieces WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME JANIS? I DIDNOT ASK FOR THESE EMOTIONS!!!

I am mean and horrible and honestly how do you not know that by now? Sorry. I’m kidding. Maybe I shouldn’t be. SO... is it painful? Yes. But more than that it’s hopeful. At it’s core, this is a story about learning to live with loss instead of just surviving it. I think there’s a lot of joy and optimism in it, too. And I’m pretty sure you’ll agree with me there in time. There are ups and downs, progression and regression... Coping with something like this, getting to a place where you’re more than just okay, isn’t the kind of thing that happens in a straight line. But how Jules learns and copes and changes her viewpoint is really the heart of the story. And there are a lot of emotions ahead. Buy wine, chocolate and tissues.

OH MY GOD JANIS!!! You're killing me today! First with your amazing new story and then I went to your pinterest page and... Sylvia Castillo??? I'm dead now!!!

You were the first one to catch this, Anon! The Pinterest page has undergone more changes since you sent me this, too. But... YES... Sylvia Castillo. Genuinely one of the sweetest children to ever exist fictionally or otherwise.

Yay!!! I knew hubby was Alex!!!!! So happy to be right! Love this story so much. Jules is my fave

Thank you, Anon! I’m happy you’re right, too, because Julex is my ship. (Okay I have lots of ships, but Julex is... whew). Glad you’re enjoying it, Anon. Thank you!

Alex marries Jules omg I knew it I had a sliver of hope for my bud Jackson but then you know he’s dead and all break my heart a little bit but at least Alex’s is cool are we at the point where you can confirm this lol cause Pinterest just gave stuff away so you know just wondering please say yes;)

LOL, yes, anon, I will confirm. And thank you! I do adore Jackson (and hey there are infinite universes so he’s out there... somewhere... right?), but it’s Julex for me. Alex is an awesome guy and I can’t wait for you guys to see more of him. I love him like crazy. And you guys are way more active on my Pinterest page than I’d realized!

I love Tempest so far and I'm excited to read more about Jules' journey ! Your writing makes me look forward to Monday mornings and starting the week ( even though some chapters are more heart breaking than others lol) Poor Jackson and Jules, I thought that they might break up because of Jules keeping team Arrow a secret but I didn't want to believe that Jackson would die because he was so sweet and made Jules happy. I'm excited to read more about Jules, thank you for writing ! <3

Thank you, Anon! Jackson was sweet and he did make Jules happy. He would never have left her... not for anything, really. He loved her so much. You will get to see some of that still, even though he’s gone. Both through Jules and other sources. But her journey is mostly about learning to live with having lost him and how to cope with that in a better way. There is a lot of heartbreak in this story, but I also think there’s a lot of love and joy, too. For sure, we are not done with the tears. But we’ve barely scratched the surface on the good stuff. Promise. ;-)

After Jackson's death (soonish after and later on) does Jules have any sort of relationship with Jackson's family( mom, dad, sister) since you said they liked Jules ? Or would it have been too painful for all of them ? Would they have visited Jackson's dog ?

This is a great question. I actually had originally planned a scene between Jules and Jackson’s mom but never wound up writing it. They were both going to be visiting his grave. Jules does still keep in touch with them. They don’t live locally or anything, but she and Bokeh are a connection to Jackson still. I think more than anything else, she and Jackson’s mom and sister e-mail each other. She probably sends them invitations to the occasional art exhibit or whatnot. They aren’t fantastically close, but there’s still affection and a link between them.

You probably can't answer this (yet?) because it's too spoilery but with Jules eventual husband ... does their relationship start the traditional way (asked out on dates, she tells family/friends etc) or is it more of a secret/affair that they try to hide for a while? (I ask this because my theory is Alex is her husband and as one of Will's friends/coworkers, and Jules currently only looking for sex and not emotions, things start more hidden, if that makes sense)

You’re close, Anon. I’m gonna say you’re half right. Watch for the fifth full chapter (after the prologue so AO3 will call it chapter 6). You’ll get this fully answered there.

OMG!!!! IT'S ALEX!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!! I have been firm in this suspicion ever since the ameliam babysitting sylvia chapter! I completely missed the name hint and I speak Spanish and Castillo is the last name of some of my extended family lol. Anyways this is awesome!!! Now I'm curious about Will's reaction to his friend dating his little sister.

Thank you!!! Will’s reaction... is something that probably depends on what exactly he knows and how he knows it, don’t you think? You’ll get to see that... though it’s a bit further down the line.

sooo, is working with two of his siblings-in-law ever weird for Will, or... ? --- (I know you can't talk about that, I just can't wait until you finally can!!!)

You’re assuming some things about Ellie and Sara here, Anon! But with Will and Alex, once Jules and Alex are really firmly together and later married, I think it takes a lot of adjusting. For one thing, they can’t have quite the same conversations they did before, can they? Alex is not discussing his love life with Will anymore, you know? But they trust and love each other as family as it is. They’ve had each other’s backs for a very long time. And that’s not something that’s going to change.

OH MY WORD. OH MY WORD. WE'RE ONLY TWO CHAPTERS IN & WORDS CANNOT ACCURATELY EXPRESS MY LOVE OF THIS STORY. ALSO I AM BEYOND UPSET THAT I DIDNT NOTICE THAT CONNECTION. A Castle for a Queen....I'M SOBBING. I've had a theory for a long time that Jackson would die, Will would be severely injured in a fire, & Jules would meet Alex as Will is being loaded into the ambulance/taken into surgery. You said a while back that when Jules & Alex meet something else is demanding her attention so... ;).

NO ONE caught that I was giving a Queen a Castle. NO ONE. Not even people who knew who she wound up with. I pat myself on the back a lot. I felt very JKR-like for that. You got awfully close with your theory there, Anon! Very, very close. Great guess!

Hi so I'd planned on my next message being far more eloquent but NOPE SORRY I HAVE ZERO CHILL IM SHRIEKING OH MY WORD. THIS CHAPTER WAS INCREDIBLE. ALL THE HEART EYES 😍😍😍😍😍😍😉😍😍AND AMELIAM. OMW AMELIA. AND THE PREGNANCY SCARE. AND ELARA. ALSO ITS HAPPENING. CHAPTER FOUR. THE BBQ. JULES DANCING. ALEX COMBUSTING. I HAVE LESS THAN ZERO CHILL. AND HIS "JULIANNA." I LOVE THAT HES THE ONLY ONE THAT CALLS HER THAT. I SHIP IT LIKE FREAKING FED-EX. 🏰♥️👸🏻

I love this so much? LOL. Ameliam... Yeah... my ‘damn it Amelia’ tag is earned. You’ll find out more about that later. Also about the pregnancy scare. Chapter four is actually more plotty than anything else, but chapter five is the BBQ and chapter six is... you’ll like chapter six. Alex always calls her Julianna. Never Jules or Julie or anything else except some nicknames.... which you’ll get to in a bit. He has a few. I AM SO GLAD YOU SHIP IT! I love Julex so much! Thank you!

Oh man I know Tempest is going to be soooo good! Today's chapter has to be one of my favorites with everything going on! Finally Jules and Alex are in the open and I adore them so much and am so excited to see more from them. Also ever since I first found out about them I have been wanting to see Will's reaction to it and if it is anything like with Javi it is going to be very interesting and really entertaining to see. Also wow, Amelia did get married and Will thought he was going to be a dad😱

Thank you! I loved this chapter. And Julex... oh Julex... they have so much more to see. I am beyond excited to share more! You’ll get Will’s reaction, too, but that’s a bit further on in the story. Amelia... did get married. She did. Not the best choice she ever made, let’s leave it at that for now. Will - very briefly - did think he might be going to be a dad. I think his own reaction to that surprised him, especially given the circumstances, and I reeeeeeeeeeeally wanna write that. Like right now. It’s a Big Moment with some major parallels.

OH. MY. GOD! THANK YOU for posting Chapter 3 early. I'm SO obsessed with this story! Questions because of course ... How old is Alex? At this point in the story, does Sara know how Ellie feels about her? Without getting too spoilery, does Sara know how she feels about Ellie at this point (platonic or otherwise)? Also ... Amelia got married????!!!!

Alex is 34 and Jules is 24 in this story. She’s not-quite-ten-years younger than him. Sara does know how Ellie feels about her and Sara also knows how she feels about Ellie. It’s not exactly as simple as that, though. Which you’ll get to later. And Amelia did get married and I AM SORRY but she did. She did. It wasn’t her best choice ever, but there we go. There will be more on that later, but not in Tempest. Thank you!!

FiCoN just keeps getting better and better and I'm really looking forward to everything that is left! P.S. I think it really is a testament to your writing ability how even though I already knew Alex was Jules husband and was really excited for that relationship and we only met Jackson a few times, I felt gutted by his death. I know there is so much more story to tell with everyone's lives and I absolutely can't wait to read everything you have to share!

Thank you! Getting better is absolutely the ultimate goal. I always want to be better than my last story and Tempest feels like a big step forward to me. I’m glad it still impacted you even knowing about both Alex and Jackson. That means a ton! And there is so much story left to tell. If I stepped back and looked at it all at once, it might be daunting. lol

THANK YOU FOR THE EARLY CHAPTER!!! OMG Jules and Alex are HOT!!! They are even better than I imagined!!! Honestly I probably looked like a crazy person while reading with all the smiling and squealing i was doing. And that Amelia reveal!! I always feared that would happen. Poor Will but I'm excited to eventually see what happens there. Also super curious about the QI girl. Anyways Julex is amazing I am officially in love w/ them!!!

Thank you! Jules and Alex are... possibly the steamiest stuff I’ve written yet. They smolder. Their sex scenes are insane. And when @dust2dust34 edits them they’re a million times better. She’s gotten through two so far and it’s absolutely bonkers how hot they are oh my god. With Amelia... yeah... so there’ll be more on that later. Also about Will because I’m dying to write about him and ‘the girl from QI’ so much oh my god. It’s gonna be a great scene. SHIP JULEX! Definitely ship Julex. Julex is OTP. <3

#FiCoN #Tempest Spoiler #ask away #anon response #Tempest #jules queen #DAMN IT AMELIA #will queen #jackson salvati #ellie queen #sara diggle #Elara #ameliam #amelia prescott #Alex Castillo #julex #julson

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never-not-ever · 7 years ago

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2017/1 year anniversary with my girlfriend

How We Met

So I actually met my girlfriend on OkCupid when I was down here at my Aunts house last January. I love visiting my Aunt and we do hang out and go places but there’s also a lot of down time. So last year when I was down here I was bored and made an online dating account. At first it was just guys but I got pretty bored of that and started thinking how a lot of the guys weren’t my type and then I was questioning what my type even was and what gender too! So I decided to switch my “looking for” to women and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I started talking to Andrea and I remember it all so clear and it’s so crazy to be back in this bedroom where it all began. Laying on this very bed where I stayed up late talking to this amazing woman. It sounds cliche and I don’t know how but I stumbled across Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko and that was literally my anthem for that month. I mean come on the song was perfect for me. It was like my own little cheerleader in the background telling me that what I was doing was okay except I didn’t need anyone to tell me it was okay because I knew in my heart that it was perfectly okay and perfectly normal. We started talking on January 13th. I left WV and took the Amtrak train home to Boston on January 16th and that day I heard her voice for the first time. I remember it like it was yesterday! I was on the train and getting closer and closer to Boston. We were so giddy and nervous to talk on the phone but looking back it was the cutest thing. That night we talked on the phone for 2 hours. I met her the next day on January 17th and almost a week later we made it official. January 23rd, 2017.

2017

January

So the rest of the month is a blur. Lots of dates and hanging out. Meeting her family etc. Her meeting my gm. This month should have been filled with pure joy but there was also heartache. This also happened to be the month I had a fall out with my two ex-best friends. Not going to go into specifics, just that it was very painful and very toxic.

February

Our first Valentine’s Day! I bought her flowers and she stuck post it notes around her room with little reasons why she loved me or little fun facts about us. I think it was after Valentine’s Day where I started working more and more in the Florist. I’ve been at my job for almost 8 years now and I’d always help out in the florist around the holidays but this year I moved to that department permanently. February is also the month her parents go away so I basically stayed at her house all the time! They have a 16 year old dog and Andrea works a lot and couldn't take her out all the time so her sister moved home for the month and since I was always there I grew closer to her sister during this month.

March

Nothing too grand and exciting.

April

We went on our first vacation to Virginia Beach and it was so much fun. Our hotel room was amazing and right on the beach! The weather was perfect and we did so much. I’d love to go back again because it was just a great time filled with lots of memories! I started talking to one of my ex-friends around this time too.

May

Birthday month! My first birthday in years were I didn’t wish to be dead when I blew out the candles. Sounds dramatic but I’m not joking. We spent the day together and I saved a baby squirrel from a rest stop parking lot. Ruined my “Normal People Scare Me” hoodie by wrapping the little guy up in it who was covered in fleas and bugs. I also started talking to the other ex-friend again but it just wasn’t the same. I think by this month I was officially a florist clerk! Besides meeting Andrea, switching departments at my job made my year. I became so much more happier and cheerful at work. I also went to my first wedding (since I was a kid which I don’t even remember!). It was a waterfront wedding and amazing. I’ll always remember that night! I wore a dress for the first time since prom!

June

I went to London!! It wasn’t as long as I would have liked but it was amazing!! I could honestly see myself living there. I went with my cousin and my uncle who was on a business trip. It was the highlight of my Summer. Went to another wedding. It wasn’t as nice as the first one but it was still a great time! It was out in western Mass and we slept overnight at a nearby hotel. The next morning me and Andrea decided to take a drive down to NYC. It was spontaneous and I loved it even though we got there around suppertime and didn’t get to do much. It was still a good time!

July

Andrea’s family has a huge 4th of July BBQ and that was a pretty great day! I wore another dress lol! My old friends came and we all hung out and played games and then watched the fireworks on a dock in the water. It was so nice to have everyone together but that was the first and last time it ever happened. A strange and mysterious thing happened this month. A baby kitten was found in my front entrance. You see, to get in my house you have to go up a flight of stairs and open not only a storm door but a regular door as well. That brings you to a little square hallway where we keep the mail and theres two more doors-one leads to the second floor where I live with my gm and the other is for the first floor where my uncle lives. We keep the mail on a little set of shelves in that hallways and one morning my gm was taking my dog out and there was a kitten sitting on the bottom shelf! We named her Delilah and kept her and she’s been a part of the family ever since.

August

This month was a blur. Nothing big and exciting happened. Met my new psychiatrist and started preparing to say goodbye to my therapist whom I would be terminating with in the next month.

September

Went on our second vacation together to D.C. My body image was crap and it kind of sorta ruined the trip cause I was always so self conscious being in public and stuff. In the end it was still nice just being able to get away and spend time alone. It was Andrea’s birthday and I made her a collage of our pictures that said “I like me best when I’m with you”. It was cute. When we got back from our trip I started up EMT classes again. I took the course in 2014 and passed all but one test (the state written) and I let too much time go by so I decided to retake the course. At the end of the month I had to say goodbye to my therapist. Someone I worked with since April of 2016 when I was inpatient. It was so hard to say goodbye because for over a year I saw this woman almost every single week and she helped me thru times when I thought I was going to end up back in the hospital. I also stopped going to my DBT group as well. Stopping with therapy wasn’t my choice, stopping with group was. This also was the month I stopped talking to my ex-best friend whom I was friends with for over 10 years. We didn’t have a big fight or anything we just drifted apart. “You didn’t text me” “But you didn’t text me” so typically but it was bound to happen. People change and there’s nothing wrong with that. I feel like for the most of 2017 I kept trying to prove that I didn’t change like it was some bad thing when in reality it’s okay to change, it’s part of life.

October

And to follow along with that last month I also stopped talking to my other ex-friend. I have nothing against them. They were there for me when I was at rock bottom in 2016 and for that I will be forever grateful. In 2017 however things were very rocky. Things felt forced, like I was walking on eggshells afraid to do something wrong. A never-ending rollercoaster that finally came to a stop in the end of October. I’m not going to lie and say that my life has been great ever since. Because it hasn’t. I mean yes it’s been okay and I’ve been happy but I’ve also been so down because of all that’s happened with them, second guessing myself and wondering “what if”. But in the end we all moved on and that’s all that matters because in the end life moves on.

November

This Thanksgiving me, my uncle and my gm went over to Andrea’s and it was so much fun. After my people went home I stayed and played games with her brothers and sister and their significant others. We listened to Christmas music and just had a blast. Me and Andrea started Christmas shopping and listening to Christmas music and it was the start to a wonderful holiday. In the end of the month I took my class written exam and in some surprising turn of events I passed! Like I was so shocked because I didn’t study at all and went into that exam knowing that I could retake it and thinking that thats what was going to happen. But I didn’t have to because I passed!!

December

More Christmas shopping and snuggling under fuzzy blankets with my babe. All up until Christmas the only music I listened to was Christmas music! Ever since my Aunt passed away I always hated the holidays. It was so sad and depressing. But this year was different. I was looking forward to spending Christmas with Andrea and her family and starting new traditions. This month I had two practical exams. One for the class and one for the state and I passed them both!! I went to Andrea’s family’s Christmas party on the 23rd and it was so nice and festive. I slept over that night and on Christmas Eve we all woke up and celebrated Christmas morning a day early cause not everyone could be there for Christmas Day. We went over to a friends house for New Years Eve and ordered Chinese food and played Cards Against Humanity. I can’t remember the last time I kissed someone on New Years. But this time I got to ring in the New Year with my babe.

#personal #2017 #so long #omg sorry #lol

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tamboradventure · 5 years ago

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Meet the Team: The Many Faces of Nomadic Matt

Posted: 4/30/2020

It takes a village to keep this website going. From tech and coding to design to fixing bugs getting readers books when downloads fail to scheduling social media or running the forums, I have a lot of help. I simply couldn’t run the website, write, travel, eat, sleep, or anything in between if I didn’t have the support and help of an amazing group of people.

It’s not just me writing and posting about my travels. I have a big group of full-time staff helping juggle everything.

I realized a lot of you don’t realize that so, today, I wanted to introduce the team to you.

So, without further ado, here’s they are:

Erica

Erica has been working for me for almost six and a half years and is the events director of The Nomadic Network, our travel community. She keeps this community thriving. In her own words:

I grew up in Connecticut and went to school in Virginia. During a quarter-life crisis at age 21, I chose to finish my last year of college on an adventure in Qatar! From that moment on, my life revolved around traveling cheaply with the money I earned from waitressing. That budget got me to teach English in Isaan, Thailand, and South Korea; farm on St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean and Costa Rica; and volunteer in rural Zambia. At age 26, I returned home to Connecticut, determined to get a job in travel. Soon after, I met Nomadic Matt at a travel meet-up in NYC, and the rest is history.

I whole-heartedly believe that traveling makes friends of strangers, and the more friends there are in the world, the more peace there is in the world.

13 Facts about Me

At 15, I helped build a schoolhouse in Nicaragua.

1. I cooked an American Thanksgiving feast for my Thai co-English teachers in Thailand where barely any of the mashed potatoes, carrots and peas were eaten so my host-grandmother fed in to the monks for the following week unbeknownst to me.

I’ve cut off my hair and donated it to Locks of Love, twice!

I once hunted for possums on the island of St. Vincent with a bunch of Rastafarians. We caught four and made soup. I was a vegetarian at the time.

In Costa Rica, I stayed at in a sustainable living community called Rancho Mastatal, where I learned how to farm yuca, make beer out of turmeric, and build a house out of cob.

I spent 11 days on a coconut water only fast at a yoga retreat in Cambodia, twice

I taught English in South Korea for 14 months and was able to easily save enough money for 21 months of non-stop travel. I also taught the students how to use “boo” colloquially.

This music video I made used to be one of the top hits when you searched for St. Vincent and the Grenadines.

In Zambia, my friend and I were given a live chicken as a present. We were vegetarians, so we traded it for a pair of second-hand jeans in the town’s market.

I got 19 people (the students and teachers on a FLYTE trip) into an airport lounge in Ecuador for free. I think that’s a travel hacking record!

My college education was entirely free. How? I got a ton of tiny scholarships (I applied for everyone I could get my hands on) that added up, being a Residential Assistant in the dorms, and studying in Qatar actually saved me money (in the most expensive country in the world).

In Korea, I dated a guy who spoke no English and we basically communicated through drawing pictures and reciting American rap lyrics.

Last summer, I took a trip to Tunisia with some friends. I wish I could have stayed longer – what a cool country!

Chris O.

Chris joined the team as the part-time manager of the forums back in 2015. Since then, he’s transitioned to full-time and has branched out into the Superstar Blogging program and helps me with all of our various admin tasks. In his own words:

I grew up in a small town in Ontario, Canada, and spent my formative years listening to punk rock, reading Star Wars novels, and generally getting up to no good. After ditching my lifelong plan to be a lawyer, I decided to give travel a try. I headed to Costa Rica on a whim and have never looked back! It wasn’t long after that trip that I took a break from university (where I was studying history and theatre) to move to a monastery in Japan in 2007. I’ve more or less been wandering around ever since. Some notable adventures include taking the Trans-Siberian Railway across Russia and Mongolia, walking the Camino de Santiago twice, and going on a 10-day road trip around Iceland with complete strangers.

When I’m not traveling, I live in Sweden and can be found reading, writing, or hanging out with my rescue dog, Grimo.

13 Facts about Me

I spent nine months living in Buddhist monasteries.

I lived in a tent for a year.

I was once stalked by a jaguar and chased by a crocodile — on the same trip.

I haven’t had alcohol in 16 years.

I’ve broken all my fingers and toes, and my nose three times, and I’ve fractured both my wrists.

I worked on an organic farm for 11 years.

I co-owned a restaurant in Canada.

I grew up next door to Avril Lavigne.

I wrote a book (and am working on another one)

I played inter-mural Quidditch in high school and was our team’s Seeker.

I have a Star Wars tattoo.

I’ve been vegan for 15 years.

I have a scar from a fight that broke out over which Norse god was “the best.”

Chris R.

Chris, aka The Aussie Nomad, is a (kinda) former blogger who does all the tech and development work for the website. He keeps it running, fixes any errors you find, and deals with my constantly changing design desires. In his own words:

I’m living the good life in Western Australia by the beach with my amazing family. I got into the world of blogging after quitting my job, backpacking around Europe and, as all Aussies do, undertaking a working holiday in the UK. Like all of us who travel and fall in love with it, nobody wants to go home afterwards.

That adventure got me into creating a travel blog many years ago, which is how I first came to know Matt. I have since repurposed my IT skills from my old life and formed my own business to help out other bloggers with their websites.

13 Facts about Me

I love Belgian beer (and I even married a Belgian).

I’ve worked with Matt the longest out of anyone here. (Take that team!)

I took off to backpack Europe when I was 29.

I’m an advocate for Vegemite and believe all visitors to Australia must try this national treasure.

One of my favorite activities is to take a long road trip, especially with family and friends.

I have no idea how four-way stop signals in the U.S.A. don’t all end up as accidents.

I do not drink Fosters. It’s a terrible beer. No one in Australia actually drinks it.

I like to think of myself as an amateur photographer.

I failed kindergarten as I wouldn’t say goodbye to the teacher.

My first job was working in a supermarket.

I can’t sleep on a plane – no matter how long the flight is.

I can name every Thomas the Tank Engine character thanks to my son.

I don’t drink coffee or get people’s love for it. Tea all the way!

Raimee

Raimee does all of our social media and content marketing. She schedules posts, tweaks my terrible photos so they look good on Instagram, builds out our content calendar, analyzes data, edits video, creates digital marketing campaigns, and designs our social media graphics! In her own words:

When I was just 14 years old, I took my first international trip to Honduras and Belize with my family. Ever since then, I’ve been hooked on experiencing new cultures, connecting with people from all walks of life, and learning about myself and the world through the power of travel! After graduating with a degree in advertising and marketing from Michigan State University and four years as a digital marketing specialist, I realized that corporate life was not for me. My insatiable need to experience the world beyond a desk led me to search for a job-related to travel. I’ve followed this blog for many years, and now I get to work for it remotely while I strategize, manage, and report on the social media accounts — and I love every second of it!

13 Facts about Me

I’m obsessed with Harry Potter. I’ve read each book at least 10 times. If I told you how many times I’ve watched the movies, you probably wouldn’t believe me.

I once hung out with Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter!) at a Red Wings game in Detroit, and actually kept my cool the whole time (side note: He’s a SUPER nice guy!)

Visiting the Harry Potter studio tour in London was one of the best days of my life.

My mom was obsessed with the 80’s horror movie Evil Dead directed by Sam Raimi, so she named me after him.

After having visited about 30 countries, Iceland is still my favorite.

My biggest travel dream is to take a road trip around New Zealand!

I try to read 1-2 book(s) EVERY week!

I used to play the saxophone (and I wish I still did!)

I conquered my fear of heights by jumping off a cliff in Croatia — twice!

I love languages and was close to being fluent in German during college.

I’ve acted in a few independent and short films and as an extra in some network TV shows (I even have an IMDB page!)

In another life, I would have been a film director/producer. Maybe some day!

My favorite number is 13.

Carmela

Carmela is the Executive Director of our non-profit FLYTE that makes travel accessible to underserved youth from across the country. She handles anything and everything from fundraising, working with our partner schools to plan student trips abroad, connecting with our incredible donor community, and managing our volunteer team.

Born and raised in New Jersey, I had the privilege of taking my first international trip when I was 3 to visit my family in the Philippines where I refused to ride the local jeepneys because they didn’t have seatbelts! Since then, my love for travel has evolved. In 2012, my husband, Raymund, and I took a round the world honeymoon that was supposed to scratch the travel itch (lol). We came back home to NYC for a few years before taking the leap to become full-time remote workers, and have lived all over the world ever since.

When I’m not running FLYTE, I love planning trips (even if they’re not my own), practicing yoga, hiking, rock climbing, reading, eating, and eating cookies (which are their own food group, in my opinion).

I LOVE Math! I have a degree in it, taught statistics to college students, and few things make me happier than a well functioning Excel spreadsheet.

I come from a family of educators. My parents were both teachers before they immigrated to the US from the Philippines in the 70’s. Before I left to travel, I worked for the Chancellor of NYC Public Schools, the largest school district in the country, and now running FLYTE is pretty much my dream job because it combines my love for education with travel.

The Notorious BIG and I share the same birthday. Juicy is one of my favorite songs.

I still don’t fully understand how to use Twitter.

I like suspenseful movies & TV shows, but hate the feeling of being in suspense, so I often read what happens before watching so I can relax and enjoy my viewing experience.

My favorite cartoon is Alvin & the Chipmunks. I still have an Alvin doll that I was gifted on my 1st birthday. It bears no resemblance to the actual Alvin Seville anymore.

I attended an all girls high school and a women’s college – that environment there largely shaped who I am today.

My guilty pleasure is watching Terrace House – the Japanese equivalent to the Real World.

My dad has an identical twin brother and they used to play tricks on me and my cousin when we were younger. It’s equally funny and traumatizing.

I hate raisins, especially in cookies.

I’m an only child, but have over 30 first cousins. I love them as if they were my actual siblings.

Raymund and I met in Hawaii. For that, and many other reasons, it’s my most favorite place in the world.

I know every lyric to every song from the Sound of Music.

Nomadic Matt

And, finally, there’s me. You probably know a lot about me after twelve years of blogging (sometimes I forget how long it’s been), but here’s a quick refresh:

Growing up in Boston, I was never a big traveler. I didn’t take my first trip overseas until 2004. That trip changed my life and opened me up to the possibilities the world had to offer. One year later, I went to Thailand, where I met five backpackers who inspired me to quit my job and travel the world. In 2006, I left for a yearlong backpacking trip — and have been “nomadic” ever since.

13 Facts about Me

I love politics as much as I love travel and will debate for the joy for it.

I love to cook.

When I was in high school, I was my state’s champ in “Magic: the Gathering.” I know — super nerdy, right? It got me a free trip NYC with my friend (who came in number two!).

I always worry about the future and often use my time back home to develop skills needed for the Zombie Apocalypse. Shout-out to my prepper friend Vanessa for teaching me about seeds!

I once met Paul Giamatti on the streets of NYC and he was as grumpy as I imagined.

I am an unabashed Taylor Swift fan.

I don’t drink coffee.

I believe aliens exist. It’s mathematically impossible they don’t.

I’m terrified of flying.

I learned to swing dance so I could throw myself a Gatsby-themed birthday party.

Both sides of my family came through Ellis Island and you can see their names on the wall where they list all the immigrants.

I used to be the head of a program by the Massachusetts Sierra Club that promoted energy efficiency.

I went to college to be a high school history teacher.

***

So there you have it! The Nomadic Matt team! It’s weird to think this blog I started to simply be online résumé for freelance jobs now requires eleven people to run. I always thought the more systems, automation, products, and passive income I set up, the easier it would be. I could just sit on a beach. But it seems the more we do, the more we create, the more projects I tell the team we’re taking on, the more help we require. I guess that is the nature of the beast but I would have it no other way. I love what we do here. We help a lot of people realize their dreams.

And a guy couldn’t ask for better co-workers to help make that happen.

P.S. – We’ve launched a new Patreon where you can get stories and tips I don’t share on this blog, a private Facebook group, phone calls with me and the team, live Q&As, postcards from the road, signed copies of my books, and much more! Click here to get access!

Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines, because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is being left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation You can book your hostel with Hostelworld as they have the largest inventory. If you want to stay somewhere other than a hostel, use Booking.com, as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and hotels. I use them all the time.

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it, as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those 70 and over)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all those I use — and they’ll save you time and money too!

The post Meet the Team: The Many Faces of Nomadic Matt appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

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Life Story Part 44

In early November there was a Sanborn family reunion down in Southern Idaho. My uncle Bob arrived, Marty, Uncle Steve his wife Sylvia, some cousins, my half uncle Adam. But mostly, my grandma Betty. Really, other than my uncle Bob, nobody in my dad's family took much interest in keeping in touch, but everyone knew and cared about her. I was a bit shocked, because seeing her made me realize just how old she was getting. She had been old when I knew her as a child – when she had lived upstairs and I would go to visit, reluctantly swallowing down her toxic mixture of canned peaches and cottage cheese (her favorite food), holding her hand and pressing against her thick veins under paper thin skin as we sat on the couch and watched Bob Ross together, but now she was beginning to reach a new level of feebleness and at times seemed confused over very basic facts of life. I guess I had taken her for granted in a way, assuming she would always stay the same. She was just as sweet as she had ever been though, and was very happy to see everyone. She was confused as to why my hair was now black. I had to explain to her that dyeing your hair was a thing. My father dominated much of the living room conversation for those several days. And I honestly felt very bored for a large portion of the week. I mostly remember bits and pieces of the visit, and most of those memories are exclusive to my grandma. That, and my Aunt Gayle made this casserole, which seemed as though it would be tasty, and was, but had more hair in it than any food I had ever put in my mouth. Honestly, eventually Allison, David and I were pulling out hairballs, and we had to secretly scoop it into the garbage.

For Thanksgiving, my mother had a very nice set up for us. It was kind of surprising coming from her after all these years. My mother is actually a masterful homemaker, having been a stay at home mom who sewed and cooked and the like for a decade before she started dating my dad. And she had done very similar things for a few years she had been pregnant in the 90's. So my mom could set up a very good Thanksgiving. I ended up having Thanksgiving at her place, but then came back to Kendrick that night and threw it all up. I have horrible luck with having the stomach flu for holidays, and it almost feels like more than a mere coincidence.

Mostly my life felt horrible and empty though. Things weren't good, but they weren't terrible for me either. But I almost found this new kind of emptiness even worse. Certain things never get better for me. There is always a level of discontent and loss, and even when I find ways to get happy, or even jovial and off the wall excited, there is rarely ever a time when the melancholy has ever left. It's like a fog. There have only been a small number of instances when I could shut down enough or feel truly touched enough to surpass that. I sometimes call it the Adults, like a disease. You can't stop wanting things, but if you ever stop to look into your inner self, it's hard to figure out why. If your like me, you will fret anxiously, even in a state of calm, even if you are content, nothing is ever put right. If you get what you want, you will always just want something else, or get distracted by another want. And the repetition of days, weeks, years is all life turns out to be, and there is a feeling of nausea in being alive. You forget more than you will ever know, and the things you do remember never stay pure. So even though 9th grade was tougher on me than 10th, what with the abuse from my father, Jason, Ava ruining things for me, there was always an objective or even a delusion that there was paradise on the other side. Age 15 gave me this strong impression that there was no other side. If I got to the other side, I would only want to return, and so on and so forth. There was never any real satisfaction.

I would spend a lot of these monotonous times at Sarah's place. We would do anything we could to keep ourselves entertained. I often tried to instigate doing something new or over the top. Sarah usually didn't want to do anything, but if the goal wasn't too absurd – like walking ten miles into the woods at night, something I had suggested – just to get a taste for real danger that I was so dearly lacking, she would go along with it eventually. I made up this game where we couldn't let a single car see us. We would rent movies down at the store before it closed. Generally these movies were very boring and dull. I would often get far more frightened of horror movies than Sarah, even dumb ones like Jeepers Creepers. In fact, Jeepers Creepers made it very hard for me to walk alone at night, and I always had this sense that I would be walking alone at night and I would see that vintage vehicle with the horrific horn coming in my direction, so at times, I would literally run from the main road to not be spotted by any vehicle and it almost became a phobia to be seen by people or vehicles at night. I feel like a combination of being in no position to help myself, and being bored out of my wits, I half drove myself crazy.

Sarah and I also played a fair deal of chess. I was always lost. I always worried that it meant that I might in fact be much stupider than Sarah. Or maybe not stupider, but more impulsive. Not that I really felt that it was a contest, but there has always been a part of me that compared myself to others. It's not that I greatly enjoy feeling better than everyone else. It has more to do with the fact that I have never liked feeling ordinary, when I am in fact, believe it or not quite ordinary at times. And drawing was even worse. I've said it before, but sometimes, when Sarah and I were drawing together, I would feel like a lousy artist. Sarah's pictures were beginning to pop out of the page. Her line work and her shadowing were much better than mine. She could draw realistic. She could draw people from above, below, in midair, and so forth. And honestly, I drew and drew but it was always the same picture somehow. I felt very trapped in this cycle, and I don't know how many times I crinkled the paper as I was drawing, upset that I was getting no better despite how many attempts I made. I felt like I was watching Sarah grow wings, and fly away, leaving me earthbound. She didn't even seem to try. It just seemed like her abilities flowed out of her unconsciously. And the more effort I put into the art, the flatter and less inspired my art became.

Around this time, the movie 'Ray' about Ray Charles came out, and there was a distinct memory I have of sitting around this handmade kiln and fire pit that Sarah's mom built outside behind the house, not far from the cliff area. Sarah and I were roasting shishkabobs with chicken and vegetables on them, and we were eating them up. And after that, we went inside and watched Ray, played chess and I went to sleep. I would almost stay that I was at Sarah's home around 1/3 of the time at this point.

I was always looking for Zack. I seemed to sense his presence when he drove into Kendrick, and one lonely dark Friday night that would typically be spent watching a bad movie or me getting upset, I got the sense that Zack was close by. I begged Sarah to walk with me to find him. I didn't want to seem to desperate, but I just somehow knew he was in this very obscure area at the end of town that neither Sarah or I had any business being at. It was hard to explain the feeling, but it might be what the spider feels when a bug gets caught in it's web. It was a rainy night, and it was beginning to get cold again, the wind blowing. Sarah was not up for the weather, but I convinced her to come with me anyway. And I was right. Just as we were about to turn around and walk back, I saw Zack in the distance, entering into a strange empty garage building. He seemed to be fixing a vehicle, though I don't recall any of the details of what for or who's it was. He was all alone in this building, just working. He ended up seeing us, and enthusiastically waving us in. We hadn't seen him in nearly two months, other than maybe a few times in five minute increments.

It was at this point, where I, full of susceptibility, fell under his conspiracy theories. He spent three or four hours explaining to us that there were freemasons who controlled our entire planet. He made wildly inaccurate claims that I didn't know enough to dispute. He claimed to have done all this research. And honestly, I had no way of saying he hadn't . I had never even thought of doing 'research' on anything before, and I always assumed that the word itself clarified that the findings of that research were accurate. Actually, to be honest, I was closed minded enough and annoyed by school that I didn't think it was even a decent thing for a person to be doing. He talked about how they invented war, and poverty, and schools and prisons. They had levels, and some of them were in the police, some where teachers and others could just be your neighbors. They were all hiding within society, watching for people like us, and doing what they could to systematically prevent us from reaching our full potential. As he talked and talked, a web of power began to form in my mind. It wasn't something I quite understood, and some of my questions of why seemed weak. Basically, though, it really sunk in in big fact-blocks that I failed to question. Freemasons were controlling the entire world. And many of the things that happened in my life could be deconstructed and understood as outside manipulative forces pulling strings.

I feel a little ashamed to explain how invested I became in these conspiracy theories, the websites, the misinformation and the inconsistencies. The precursors to Alex Jones an all of that. Of course many of the conspiracy theorists were left wing as well as right, and I was too young and naive to really know what it meant to sort through it all. I really do understand what it is like to live with that foreboding sense of knowing that the world is out to get you and there are people who are pulling the strings. But at the time, this is the reality I now lived in. I am sure if someone had psychologically broke down my psyche at that stage in my life, they would have revealed that there was a psychological need to cling to these conspiracy theories. And it can also be said that some of the skepticism I started to have towards the world actually did me some good. There are some facts I learned in my exploration for the truth behind the veil. Prescott Bush was a fascist, Martin Luther King was likely assassinated by our own government, the media really is owned by six corporations, research really has been hidden from the public, and there really are there rich families in the world that pull strings to increase their wealth. It was a good attitude to take to the war on terror, the war on drugs later on. I can't entirely say it was all bad. But believing that the government has time machines, or that the government has the cure to every single disease and simply has suppressed it to that level, the moon landing is a hoax, fluoride in the water is turning us all to zombies, The Rothschild family are trillionaires, there are cameras in our microwaves, and the neighbor is watching me – this stuff is embarrassing to admit that I fell into.

When I left that night, I felt really strange. Sort of empty, and helpless, but also very aware, and also kind of hollowed out. I remember one of the last things Zack said to me before leaving that night. He told me that the only thing that the government could never control were artists. Nobody could ever control what I choose to put down on paper, be it writing, or art. This gave me this vague sense of purpose. I was already strongly along the path of resisting school, resisting adults, and authority in general, but now it was almost a moral incentive to disregard the social order as a whole, and to never trust anyone again who wasn't Zack, or Sarah. And sadly this really closed my mind and made me rather mentally unstable.

I started getting really into The Doors. I especially thought Jim Morrison was cool – for obvious reasons, among those, he was a poet and seemed to be edgy and rebellious and at the same time ethereal mystical and he was dead and spelled one of the things we consider when we look at the end of the 60's era. And he was nothing like me in many ways. Where I was clumsy, unmysterious, trapped and cautious, Jim Morrison was not. And he was beautiful. I was never into his looks personally, but he did radiate a certain beauty with a fair amount of effortlessness. I could never achieve balancing on the fine line that he balanced upon. Jim Morrison in his time lived in a different plain of existence than I did. I would often wish that I had lived during the sixties rather than the 21st century, and I think in an attempt to be more like those I admired, I stopped washing my hair to be like Kurt Cobain and my interpretation of many of the counter culture icons I thought seemed legit. I heard from someone that Jim Morrison never changed his pants. I actually don't know if this is actually true or not, but my English teacher told me that her college friend's uncle's friend knew Jim and that he would go several months without cleaning his pants, which gave them this soft slickness that was almost disturbing to the touch.

So I decided to follow suit and never wash my pants. It also didn't help that my few pairs of jeans that I owned had holes all over. They never fit me right, and the bottoms of them dragged on the ground and caused them to split up the leg eventually, and walking eroded the jeans between my legs. I had to wear tights under my jeans to not feel nude, and my father didn't see the need to buy me jeans that actually fit or were of high quality, or even at all really. So in a sense, I might have been trying to embrace my poverty and the perceived dirtiness people felt that I had always embodied. So I had dyed pink hair that was full of grease all the time, dirty torn up pants (not the trendy kind of torn), an angry look on my face with tons of black eyeliner, and a mind abuzz with conspiracies – most of it being childishly distant from anything resembling reality. I think I remember crying nervously one cold night looking at the power outlet on the wall – thinking that maybe, just maybe freemasons were looking at me through that mysterious electrical outlet. These are the kinds of things I am not proud to admit happened, and I am glad they are over.

My father at this time was really invested in his girlfriend Patty down in Boise – maybe more so or just as much as he had been with Jodi, and I think the notion that she was sitting on a million dollars, and seemed classier than he was made him feel ashamed of his life up in North Idaho with his lower middle class wages. He felt like a menial factory cog with no education courting a millionaire. And truth be told, he was tired of being a father altogether. He felt very strongly that we prevented him from moving forward with his life, or at least he propped us up in that way. He hated me for growing up. He felt I looked too much like my mother, and he just seemed to hate me half the time, but couldn't fully express it. His annoyance at having to be a father in general was growing. And he began telling Allison, David and I that he was considering moving to Boise and leaving us behind. His foolish plan was to give my mom the house that he had bought for her all those years anyway, and leave all of us behind. This didn't upset me in the least. First of all, I didn't believe it would actually happen at all. Plus, though I had issues with my mom for sure, with the absence of my father also went the absence of feeling stressed out and the feeling that I should be ashamed of myself. I felt like in many ways, as crazy as my mom was, I would be liberated mentally as well as physically. Plus, my father had already disappointed me. It wasn't a great shock to be abandoned. It was a fact of life really. There was an element of chaos honestly to the idea of him leaving for good that I felt I could thrive in.

This news broke my little brother's heart though. He looked up to my father, and it permanently damaged a sense of confidence he had in our father, but when you are a small child, that sense of abandonment spreads to everything around you. He felt like my father had just emotionally abandoned him and had never really loved him to begin with. Even if it never came to pass, the fact that my father was so invested in the idea of leaving us all behind as to tell us early to buffer the results was the greatest betrayal. I think Allison, having always been overlooked by both me and David felt a cold sort of distance with the situation, but she also felt abandoned.

It was around this time that the Nirvana Box set, 'With the Lights Out' came out. I was incredibly excited about it. And when Sarah and I both got our box sets, we listened to the songs over and over again. Some of my favorites were 'They Hung Him On a Cross', Verse Chorus Verse' and 'Don't Want It All'. One weekend, I came back from my mom's and Sarah told me that she had picked up the guitar and had learned a song from the box set. I was immediately a little shaken with jealousy about this. I still didn't really know any songs. I didn't understand tablature. I kept practicing the things my father told me to on the guitar, but I felt that there was something I wasn't getting, and there was no further way for me to pick it up. My dad told me if I didn't get 'it' on my own, than I never would. I was hoping for something more constructive and encouraging. And Sarah had never played guitar before. Her father had randomly bought her one – probably stole it from someone who he lied to about his identity (a common trick of his). And she learned 'Opinion' by Nirvana. She just, picked up a guitar, learned four chords and was already better than me. She also sang, and it seemed really awesome to me.

Honestly, I had so little to be proud of, and I had been meagerly hoping to get better somehow, and it hadn't happened. I had been working tirelessly to get better, but I was lost. And I couldn't draw that well anymore in comparison to Sarah either. Something inside of me had become emotionally stuck. It was something psychological, and I didn't know how to get over it. It was something instilled in me from Ava and my father and just the school in general. I could put a pen to paper but I couldn't seem to create anything. I could strum a guitar, but music never seemed to be what happened. And Sarah in many ways was naive and childish about the world. She had never had much serious pain in her life aside from a vague empty depression that she mostly was able to ignore. So it was a great insult to me and everything I was trying to hold onto. That the world punishes people and molds them into something finer. Instead, I felt like the misery I had thus far experienced was making me weaker somehow, and I was meant to watch Ava move on to do great things in her life, and Sarah to be admired. And thus I was immediately poisoned by envy that I couldn't shake. Not only was I not confident enough to perform six months after secretly playing, but I could never have done it with confidence in a single weekend like she did. And she not only played the guitar, she sang and well. She played faster than me, and it all happened with a seemingly effortless magic about it. I was crushed and humiliated. I felt sick with myself, but I had no formula to defeat my own failings. I went home and felt this self loathing frustration. I cried and screamed in my pillow. I couldn't exactly hate Sarah, because she had never wronged me, and she was my only friend. But I was beginning to resent myself whenever I was in her presence.

I later realized that part of the reason I might have been struggling as a guitarist was because I am left handed and I was playing right handed guitar. It made strumming, particularly finger picking a little more difficult.

My mother moved out of Jim and Connie's, and she started house watching for this woman named Linda, who was gone for several weeks at a time to watch over a hot springs resort that she partially owned that was five hours away. So I got to stay in her nice house for a bit. It was a mediocre home for the most part actually, but it was very nice by the standards that I was used to. They had cable television and three bedrooms. There were two Labradors that lived there, who were very nice. It was nice and cozy, and there was food to eat. Outside was beginning to be winter. I remember watching all of Forest Gump for the first time since I was young, and realizing that the movie was actually kind of silly. I had just assumed that Forest Gump's life was completely realistic when I was younger. Also, I decided to use their phone and call Sarah. I didn't realize this, but I ended up costing Linda a whole bunch of money, because I stayed on the phone with Sarah for six hours at a time. It was quite common for me in those days to stay on the phone with friends for that long. And strangely enough, I don't think I ever met Linda. I might have, but it was years previous to the house sitting.

I think we had Christmas at Linda's but I cannot be sure. I know we ended up having New Year's there. There was a major fight between my father and mother during that time, and up to that point for the most part the two of them had done well to avoid dealing with one another in any way. Basically, what I remember was – my mom wanted to have my father take us kids for New Year's since her and Danny were going to go out and she didn't want us around. It was her time to have us, and my father felt put out by this, since he felt like he had taken us every time she wanted to drink or anything during the holidays for years, so he told her no. This enraged her and she lost her shit completely. She ended up telling us all she was going to have him thrown in prison for it. I felt this was incredibly flaky. So, as I mentioned clear back in part 1 or part 2 of this story, my older half sister made up that my father had molested her, when in fact he had not. Roxanne later admitted to me that he hadn't, and given that, for all my father's faults he never seemed to have a pedophilia aspect to his personality at all, I tend to feel like this is complete and total confirmation that nothing ever happened.

My mother had selectively decided not to care about the whole ordeal. She might have cared when she first heard about it, but later on, she still would leave us kids with my dad, and at times didn't even seem to hold it against him, that he potentially had raped her daughter. Early on, her and Roxanne had both let him babysit Sagen, Roxanne's daughter. So it always seemed a little fishy to me for that reason as well. Nobody in their right mind would selectively not care about something like this. Of course, Roxanne knew she had lied, so her selective lack of concern made some sense. My mom however, had decided not to accept it when Roxanne told us that she had lied. She still chose to believe the molestation had in fact happened. So when she didn't care about what my father had done, she did so from a very selfish place – if that is, she truly believed in the molestation to begin with.

So, she made some phone calls. I don't know who she called exactly, but I believe it is some kind of hotline to report crimes of this nature. Her plan was to extract revenge on our dad for what she figured he had done years ago. And all of this was based on him not wanting to take us for New Years Eve. She literally wanted to get him thrown in prison for not taking us for a New Years, that is how petty and fucked up she was/is. Even though my father was not a grand person to me a lot of the time, I really believe that people should be charged with the crimes they committed rather ones that they have not committed. And this was her card to play, that she had felt she had had for years if my father didn't do what she wanted.

She explained to us that we might never see our father again, as she believed that as soon as she made this phone call, police were going to find my father and hold him in custody. She called Roxanne and told her that she would give Roxanne a lot of money if Roxanne would testify against my father in court. I am not sure what Roxanne's response to any of this was. This plan my mother was hatching really was all her ego flaring out of control, angry at the mere notion of having been told 'no' and therefore disappointing Danny. The people who my mom spoke to over the phone, only based off what they heard my mother tell them, explained to her that too much time had passed for him to be convicted. If it had happened, it would have been in the 80's. They were extremely apologetic, and for what it's worth, I think that is a very unfortunate law and they were very sorry. I absently listened to her talk to them over the phone as this all happened. My mother was pissed.

Eventually, Noah left school. He had been a senior set to graduate in a matter of one more semester, but he just decided to drop out. I had gone from being very nice to him, and then when I realized that he had started to have a crush on me, I had decided to be overly rude to him. A part of it was actually just girlish immaturity on my own part. I wasn't used to the idea of someone having a crush on me at all, and rather than face that Noah was also a real person who was capable of having thoughts and feelings, I rejected him entirely because it made me uncomfortable. A part of it too was that I was immaturely blaming him personally for making Zack move. Because he was there, Zack didn't feel like the center of attention any longer. And I was sorry I had set it up that way, but I wasn't mature enough to see it for what it was, and was much happier to blame Noah as if he directly had chosen to ruin things for me. It was a strange psychological blame that made absolutely no sense, but made me feel better. So I took that out on him as well. Also, I legitimately didn't understand what I had done to make him have a crush on me. I never felt like I was hitting on him. I suppose it was because I had no feelings for him really that I was able to be more myself around him, assuming that this wouldn't mean much to him. Instead he had started to grow fond of me. And I figured the only way to undo that was to be a jerk.

I don't remember much of what I said or did, but I spent about a month being really mean towards him on purpose in a manner I was not typically used to being towards anyone else. And I feel a bit badly about that now. It wasn't right. I am sure it came as a shock when I was being so nice to him for a few months, making jokes, questioning him and the like and then cutting him off and acting like he was gross for seemingly no reason. He had perhaps hoped we would become really close friends or more, perhaps carrying that light hearted feeling home with him that I could have related to all too well had I opened my mind to the idea. He had no other friends. And I probably ruined many of his days and nights by being ridiculously mean for no reason. I am sorry he got caught in the cogs of my emotional instability. This isn't to say that I should have given him a chance. I really didn't like him like that. Still, it was certainly not something I am very proud of.

There is only one thing I remember about Christmas that year. And that is this was the day when I discovered David Bowie. My brother David liked the Labyrinth soundtrack with all those memorable David Bowie songs from the film, and because of this my father was reminded of his own fondness for early David Bowie. So he decided to buy David 'The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars' for Christmas. After everyone opened their gifts, we put the album on to listen to. I had expected I wouldn't like it. I was hesitant to appreciate a man who looked so feminine. I was so brought up by 90's and early 00's butt rock that the idea that someone could be anything, as it felt like David Bowie could be was a strange thing for me to accept.

Then the album started playing. I had never heard anything so pure and perfect in my entire life. As soon as the vocals came in on Five Years 'Pushing through the market square ..' I felt like I was melting into a better something. I felt a new kind of life in me emerging. This sense that I could grow and change. That no one or no anything is one thing or the other. What I partially took from David Bowie was that rebelling didn't have to be something like 'oh, you took the left side, so I took the right side to anger you and oppose you'. David Bowie represented for me at least, a way of looking at the world that was more about free expression not based on defiance, but by this pure enigma of passion for art itself. Nobody could reach you there to put the shackles on you, and you didn't have to do things to insult your oppressors by doing everything opposite to them. I didn't have to not wash up because people who fit into a society better than I did, did bath. By defining myself as some kind of anti version of them, I was in a way still letting them define me. The real way to liberation was to live in a world of such pure inspiration and passion and to live that life shamelessly. My mind had for that last year, gravitated into black and white. David Bowie sort of made my world into a rainbow.

I listened to that album about twenty times on Christmas day alone. It was David's but he wasn't as fixated by Ziggy Stardust as I was. I wanted to look like David Bowie. It didn't seem overly important to me if he was a man or a woman. Those traits seemed secondary to some greater essence of being that radiated off him. Every song on that album was absolutely perfect. But somehow it was also more than just music. Having this album in my life basically changed things for me. It changed how I looked myself in the mirror, it changed my art, the words that came to me when I thought. It really did transcend what David Bowie probably ever intended. It helped cure my feelings of hopelessness. A sense of calm came over me. It didn't fix me per say, but it was the one thread of something I had found to hold onto for an entire year of empty rebellion and empty spirit.

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PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

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whittlebaggett8 · 5 years ago

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19 people share their ‘coming out’ stories, Defence Online

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Coming out is a personal experience.

source

Elijah Nouvelage/Getty Images

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Coming out is a personal experience.

source

Elijah Nouvelage/Getty Images

Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or gender non-binary is a personal experience.

Not everyone is in a position where they can be certain they will receive support.

INSIDER highlighted different personal accounts from self-identified LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, in transition, intersex, and asexual) Reddit users below.

Every individual story is unique, and there is no right or wrong way or time to come out.

Editor’s note: some of the content in these stories may be triggering for some individuals who have experienced discrimination or violence because of their sexuality or gender identity.

Visit INSIDER’s homepage for more stories.

Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a deeply personal and often life-altering process. Regardless of the individual circumstances, there is no right or wrong way to come out.

Of course, some people who identify as members of the LGBT community may choose to come out in a public way, others will not feel safe to do so, while others never will “officially” come out and simply live their lives. It’s important to remember that an individual’s decision to come out is their own personal choice. Regardless, reading these stories can be comforting and informative for many.

Online spaces such as the Reddit communities r/Comingout and /r/lgbt, can give people a platform to open up about their experiences and connect with others who can relate.

The following coming out stories from these Reddit users illustrate just how unique those experiences can be. Of course, INSIDER cannot independently authenticate these stories, but they perhaps they can serve as a reminder that no matter what a person’s coming out story is, everyone’s journey deserves to be heard.

Just a note, we’ve chosen to leave off names to protect the identities of those who have shared their stories.

‘My fam was playing a game where we had to tell a huge secret about ourselves’

“Well my fam was playing a game where we had to tell a huge secret about ourselves and I was about to make a joke and say, ‘I started my period’ but I only said the ‘I’ part so my mom was like, ‘Are you gay?’ So I was like, ‘Uhh yesssss’ like freakishly loudly. My mom said she already knew probs because she stole my phone and checked my search history a while back because she’s also a helicopter parent.”

‘I didn’t really come out of the closet, my mom opened the door and said, ‘Hey, you in there?”

“I joined my high school’s GSA freshman year. On a car ride to Target, my mom asked as casually as she could muster if there was any reason for that. I said I’m bisexual, she said ‘cool,’ and I assume she told my dad because basically, the whole family knew before I even said anything.

“So I didn’t really come out of the closet, my mom opened the door and said ‘hey, you in there?’”

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An unidentified woman wearing a bisexual pride flag as a cape watches an approaching group during the Pride parade in Sacramento.

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Chris Allan/Shutterstock

‘Came out to my brother, his girlfriend, and my dad by baking cupcakes’

“First came out to my mom as trans and then months later, came out to my brother, his girlfriend, and my dad by baking cupcakes in the colors of the trans pride flag. It was really hard because I had it in my head that I was gonna get kicked out, turns out my dad is the most supportive person in my life.”

‘They didn’t believe I was gay and had normal parent reactions and to this day ignore the subject’

“Looking back at it I knew I was gay for a while. I just never had emotional or sexual attraction towards any guys until I went on an internship and pulled the old classic of falling for my roommate. I thought the feeling was mutual but obviously, I was blinded or didn’t want to believe he was straight. I never told him my feelings for him but it was pretty obvious. I did some things that made it clear such as looking at his text and basically acting like a jealous lover. I suspect he figured it out.

“Anyway … I flipped when he got a girlfriend and I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore so I came out to my social worker. I also got the courage to come out to my friend and brother which went great and they were very supportive.

“When I told my parents after they came to visit it went downhill. They didn’t believe I was gay and had normal parent reactions and just to this day ignore the subject and my sexuality which bothers me a lot because I feel like I can’t move forward ’til they accept me for who I am.”

‘I had to ask my friend to look at the comments the next day since I was too afraid to look’

“I spent most of the night before my 25th birthday writing and rewriting a long drawn out post about how I felt. I planned on posting the status on my birthday, near the time I was born, and I pretty much said that I was born as myself and that my life has a funny way of telling me I’m a little different from who I thought I was. I had to ask my friend to look at the comments the next day since I was too afraid to look, but it turns out everyone who saw it was very accepting and warm so I was very lucky.”

They told people, ‘I look a little different’

“I met people in person, with a, ‘I look a little different.’ text sent out shortly before.”

‘My mom read my paper and then sat me down to have a talk about it, I panicked and told her I was a lesbian’

“7th grade we had to describe ourselves in a song and I chose ‘Misery’ by Maroon 5 for some reason. My mom read my paper and then sat me down to have a talk about it, I panicked and told her I was a lesbian. She was just hugging me and telling me that she would love me no matter what my preferences are. Then she told my dad and he was chill about it.”

‘I broke their heart by telling them, but their heart was broken because they realized they had a child who was hurting deeply for all of these years without them knowing or being able to help’

“I had resolved that I would never tell my family how I felt unless I absolutely had to. Eventually, I had some life experiences that were just too rich and wonderful and showed me how beautiful our world is and how my concern of being rejected for how I choose to express my feelings was just of little significance.

“I told my sister who was supportive and un-surprised. Finally, and very recently, I told my very conservative parents. I was only able to justify telling them by acknowledging that I was only telling them how I felt, not what I planned to do, and that they couldn’t really reject my feelings even if they didn’t like my feelings. They could only reject decisions. But ultimately I was met with nothing but love and support.

“I broke their heart by telling them, but their heart was broken because they realized they had a child who was hurting deeply for all of these years without them knowing or being able to help. They want to know how they can best support me, and for the first time in my life, I think that I can be best supported by them and my other loved ones by acknowledging my feelings and my journey on the path to transitioning.”

‘I responded with, ‘I’m gay and hate children’ I’ve never seen a salesman look so ashamed of himself and I also came out to my dad at the same time’

“I was buying a car. My dad was with me and we were at our 4th (and final) dealership of the day. I flat out told the salesman that I wanted to be sold the smallest sedan they had on the lot unless they had a coupe [ … ] First thing out of the salesman’s mouth after that was, ‘You really should get an SUV in case you accidentally get pregnant.’ Me being the jerk I am, I instantly responded with ‘I’m gay and hate children. Any kids I have will be extremely well planned and extremely unwanted.’ I’ve never seen a salesman look so ashamed of himself and I also came out to my dad at the same time. Neither guy spoke unless I asked a question after that.”

‘And I just came dressed as a girl’

“Came out on Black Friday […] And I just came dressed as a girl. And then I stayed like that. And a week passed and I was brought into HR and asked if this was permanent, I said yes. And went back to work.”

‘Showed up at my mother’s house with my boyfriend and told her. She didn’t like it at first until the day she noticed me being happy …’

“Showed up at my mother’s house with my boyfriend and told her. She didn’t like it at first until the day she noticed me being happy and proactive with my life. She started finding room in her heart to be on board with it. Now we visit her house once a month for dinner with the whole family. Today I’m in a happy relationship and am two months into my MTF HRT [male to female hormone replacement therapy], so the thing to remember is to give your friends and family time to adjust and gently show them that this is what makes you happy and fingers crossed they accept you for you. “

‘I said, ‘It’s National Coming Out Day”

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Participants take part in the annual NYC Pride parade.

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REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

“I came out a few months ago, on National Coming Out Day. I said ‘It’s National Coming Out Day’ and my mom said ‘You have something to come out to me about?’ (Jokingly) [I said], ‘Yeah, I am gay.’”

‘Told two other friends through the topic of crushes, giving them a ‘guess my crush’ puzzle and plot twist at the end, it’s a guy!’

“Told my first friend through text after commenting on how a male anime character was kinda hot … Told two other friends through the topic of crushes, giving them a ‘guess my crush’ puzzle and then boom, plot twist at the end, it’s a guy!”

‘My dad unlocks the door and in comes both my grandmothers. They both just hug me and tell me they love me just the way I am’

“One of my friends got the idea to be my ‘date’ to Thanksgiving dinner, so that my family wouldn’t bug me so much about finding a girlfriend. She knew I was gay, and knew I hadn’t told them.

“We go. She’s my ‘date,’ gives me hugs. A little cheek smooch. Sold. Then I see this … look in my grandmother’s face at dinner. It hurt. It hurt to see her beaming over something that was a lie.

“I felt hoooooriiible. Like I just wanted to go crawl into the oven and die next to the turkey. It comes as a surprise to many people, but I practicality NEVER lie to my family.

“For some reason, at the table, my grandpa decided that I should lead grace…

“I don’t know if it was just because my head was stuck, or what … but I just went ‘I’m gay’ and a river of tears and snot came out of my face so I went and locked myself in my room.

“About an hour goes by and the house is dead quiet. My dad unlocks the door and in comes both my grandmothers. They both just hug me and tell me they love me just the way I am.

“I thought I’d died. My friend sheepishly came into the room and handed me a plate of food. She told me my parents said I can take all the time I need to calm myself, and then come back and celebrate.

“They treated it like it was the best thing since sliced bread and I nearly had p—– my pants.”

‘I was crying the whole time, but they weren’t tears of sadness. Coming out was the biggest weight that ever came off my shoulders’

“I got home from church after my conservative pastor gave his most homophobic sermon yet, and I sobbed into my pillow in my bedroom. My mom heard me and asked what I was crying about. The words were too difficult to speak. But she put things together and realized that I was upset about the sermon, and she finally asked, ‘Do you think you’re gay?’ That’s when I said yes. We spent the next hour sitting together on her bed eating In-N-Out french fries while she asked me about all of my high school crushes. I was crying the whole time, but they weren’t tears of sadness. Coming out was the biggest weight that ever came off my shoulders.”

‘It was interesting to see their faces as they processed that Logan was not a girl’s name.’

“I told my family the name of my crush after Christmas Eve dinner when I was 16. It was interesting to see their faces as they processed that Logan was not a girls name.”

‘One of my ‘best friends’ went and told EVERYONE we knew almost immediately’

“I came out to my friends at 15 – only my two closest [friends] as we’re in a fairly rural place and I was worried about it. One of my ‘best friends’ went and told EVERYONE we knew almost immediately, and when I called them out, her response was ‘But no one minds!’ I got a lot of s— about it for years after that. But the total kicker is I dumped her as a friend straight away and her brother messaged me on Facebook apologizing for what she’d done. I’ve now been dating her brother for 2 and a half years and he hates her too.”

‘I came out as a trans guy a few years ago not by choice … I was basically forced to explain’

“I came out as a trans guy a few years ago not by choice (my dad was on my computer and found my personal blog) and I was basically forced to explain. He totally flipped out on me and alternated between laughing in my face and threatening to kick me out.

“A lot of the experience I block out because it’s very traumatic. I’m okay now but I ended up living with my grandparents for a while. Coming out isn’t always, ‘It’s okay, we always knew, we’ll always love you’ and I really envy people with experiences like that.”

‘Told my stepmom […. ] they kicked me out for about a month and I lived with my grandma’

“Told my stepmom, she called me disgusting and [then] told my dad even though I asked her not to. They kicked me out for about a month and I lived with my grandma. When I went back they put me into church school, took away my phone, TV, clothes that looked too ‘Dudeish’ (legit just all my T-shirts) and they told me I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.”

‘I was internally screaming in gay of happiness’

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Others participate in pride parades before “formally” coming out.

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Getty Images

“My friend and I were having a sleepover at her house and we stayed up talking for a long time, both of us telling things that we hadn’t shared with anyone before. At this point, it was 5 a.m.

“I have known that I’m gay for quite some time now. I’ve wanted to come out so badly and until yesterday, I hadn’t told anyone (apart from some internet friends). I had sort of decided that if there came an appropriate moment to tell her during that sleepover, I would.

“That moment came when she told me that she thinks she’s bi. I was internally screaming in gay of happiness. I said that that is SO COOL and then I told her that I’m gay. She was like WHAAAT THAT’S SO COOL. And then we both were like HSJSKDKDJDJ HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?? Honestly, I was kind of panicking, but it was like in a good way.

“We talked about how we knew, for how long we have known, which girls we’ve had crushes on and a lot more. It was amazing. I’m the first person she’s told as well.

“When I woke up this morning, it was the first thing I thought about. That I told someone. That I opened the door to the closet. It feels weird and almost surreal not to be alone about it anymore, but it feels so right.

“I still have a long way to go and a lot of people to come out to and I know it won’t be easy. But now I have started, and it started so epically and felt so good.”

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth. Call 1-866-488-7386 to reach the TrevorLifeline available 24/7 or text TREVOR to 1-202-304-1200 to reach TrevorText available M-F from 3 p.m. – 1 p.m.

The post 19 people share their ‘coming out’ stories, Defence Online appeared first on Defence Online.

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indilwenofmirkwood · 8 years ago

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Just Next Door--Chapter 10

Doubt

Phew, it's been what? A year? I never meant to take a year hiatus, so I apologize to those that followed/are still following this story. I lost all sense of where the plot was going and I suppose that regrouping took longer than expected. Hopefully this chapter will set up the rest of the story for what's to come the way I intended and I can get the ball rolling again.

Can be read below the cut.

On Ao3 here.

And fanfiction.net here.

Before he could blink, the cold had settled over Boston. Snow was falling rapidly, piling up faster than powdered sugar across a French Quarter Beignet; it might have been beautiful if not for the thick layer of ice and mud that lined the sidewalks just outside his bakery door.

Phil winced, bracing himself against the cold blast of air that accompanied every patron that entered Sweetie's, the chill raising goose flesh as it swept the room, but, like him, everyone seemed grateful for the warmth once they'd settled inside.

He waved at the little white haired couple that had visited every day since he'd opened, a piece of apple crumble clutched between her shaky fingers and cheesecake in his. Sometimes, they did nothing but laugh, their heads bent low and their attention only on the other. Other times, they said nothing at all, content to simply bask in each other's presence as the world went on without them—even on those days, their hands were always clasped, always linked tightly together as they paid everyone else no mind.

Phil smiled wistfully.

Thanksgiving had come and gone, marked only by the delicious turkey his mother had made and her insistence that it was time to meet his girlfriend--she'd never been one to beat around the bush, his mother. Even now, Phil couldn't understand why the thought had made him pause, why his hands had grown sweaty, or why he'd stood, rigid and tense by Audrey's side as his mother had embraced her. Pepper had reassured him that Audrey was lovely and that the awkward silence that had permeated the room, was nothing more than Audrey's shyness coupled with his own nervous jitters, but he had his doubts.

After driving Audrey home, he'd returned only to find his family looking at him curiously, his mother's eyes glowing in amusement.

"This came for you why you were out," she'd said, holding a large card out for him to take. It was easy to tell that it had been made by the unskilled, but excited hands of a child and he grinned knowingly. It was a charming piece with its abundance of gold, red, and orange glitter and the hastily scrawled penmanship across the front cover. Phil assumed it was a turkey he was looking at, with its sparkly, off-kilter tail feathers, but the affect was somewhat lost in the crazed look on its face, courtesy of the googly eyes that had been glued there.

A strong rush of affection hit him square in the chest, even before he opened the card to find Skye's scribbled signature alongside Melinda's neat cursive. Phil could just imagine Skye bugging her mother until she'd agreed to sign--there was no match for his little agent when she was on a mission.

Even still, his mother and sister had looked at him strangely, but said nothing. Though it was clear, even to him, that they'd wanted to when he'd stuck the card on his fridge without a word, right next to the drawing Skye had given him ages ago.

'So what if one of his best friends was a six year old?' he thought with a shrug. Skye was honest, her happiness contagious, and he only wished that he could be as carefree as she was. But, most days, there was something nagging at him, gnawing at his gut in a way that left him feeling anxious and even Skye's bright disposition wasn't always enough to make him forget.

“Phil! Look!”

Looking up from his mess of flour and dough, his grin was immediate upon spying Skye with her pigtails dusted in snow and bouncing behind her as she ran around the bakery counter, to thrust something glittery out for him to see as her mother followed behind, a grin already in place.

It was an ornament from what he could tell, in the familiar shape of a pink and white cupcake.

“What's that for?” he questioned, wondering why it was of such importance as he nodded at Melinda in greeting, his distracted mind taking note of the slight tinge of pink to her cheeks as she watched.

But Skye merely giggled adorably. “For the Christmas tree, silly!”

'Of course it's for a tree, Phil. You're an idiot,' he chastised himself before trying again. “But why a cupcake?”

For all of his fumbling around, her answer was quite simple. “Because it reminded me of you obviously," raising one eyebrow in the exact way her mother would have at his stupidity. "Mommy and I pick out new ornaments every year for our tree. She says it's special and that I should always get an ornament that stands for something good that happened this year.”

“Oh--” he breathed, dumbfounded, but thoroughly touched. “And it represents me?"

Happy that he understood, Skye nodded eagerly, her head bobbing up and down rapidly as her mother looked on with a somewhat intense expression.

“I couldn't find a Captain America shield at the store, but I liked this one.”

Without even waiting for his response, she skipped into his arms for a brief hug he barely had time to return before she was switching subjects, completely unaware of the emotions he was struggling with. “What are you making?”

Looking down at his forgotten, half-finished cookies, he cleared his throat.

“Needed a few more cookies to last us the evening, so I decided to make another pan,” he told her, glancing back at Melinda at the register, who was no doubt glaring at Clint for refusing to take her payment, the latter with his hands in the air, but refusing to surrender. Phil rolled his eyes at their antics before turning back to Skye with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Wanna help?”

Immediately, she was back around the counter, begging Melinda in their shared plight. He could hear Melinda's whispered words that she had work to do, but he was desperate for a dose of Skye's happy exuberance to counterbalance his unsettled mood.

“I've got a laptop if you need to finish some work,” he interrupted, flashing Melinda a boyish grin. “And a wifi password if you need it.”

Her glare was now firmly planted on him, with one of her brows arched higher in question as Skye glanced between them both, eyes hopeful.

“Please, mom?” he asked, refusing to laugh even as Melinda's facade cracked and the corners of her mouth quirked up in amusement.

“Fine,” she conceded, “but I want that password for my phone as well and keep the hot chocolate coming. And maybe some of those cookies too when the two of you have had your fun.”

After whoops of joy and a couple high fives all around, that only earned a large eye roll from Melinda, Phil quickly retrieved his laptop from his office after giving Melinda the agreed upon information. He set her up next to a window in the back where they were working, in perfect view of the two of them, but well enough away from the immediate hustle and bustle of his employees.

“Come on Daisy, let's make you a baker.”

It was almost comical when he draped her in one of the bakery aprons, the normally knee-length cloth reaching Skye's sneakers; even tightening the clasp that looped around her neck couldn't keep the fabric from falling forward, but Skye was content with his efforts as she wrapped her braids in a much too large hair net, sticking her tongue out at him when he laughed as it drooped in her eyes.

Grabbing a step stool, she settled in at the counter as she awaited his instructions.

It was a new experience to teach a child, but Skye was an avid learner as she helped to crack the eggs and to measure the sugar out perfectly. Of course, that didn't stop them both from making a mess as Skye's elbows were covered in a mixture of dough and powdered sugar, with a streak of flour across one rosy cheek.

More than once he caught Melinda watching them with a smile on her face, before she'd turn away to focus once more on her work. Idly, he wondered if she was getting any work done, because like him, she seemed to be more interested in the peals of laughter coming from his work station than any true task she may have had to complete.

“Come on, Skye,” he urged the little girl after they'd rolled out their finished dough, pulling out a bin of nearly a hundred possible choices, “pick a cutter.”

“Any of them?” she asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Is it okay if we use two?”

Phil nodded, watching as she dug through the bin to pull out a Christmas tree and a pointed star, the latter his favorite.

Midways through cutting them all out, he changed topics. "Skye, do you and your mommy like Italian food?"

Wrinkling her nose at the odd question, she nodded. "Mommy likes noodles with that white sauce, alfred or somethin'."

"And you?" he asked chuckling, already wiping the powdered sugar off his hands and dialing the number for the bistro down the street, with the idea of a late lunch in mind.

"Spaghetti!"

"Good choice."

They were well on their way to finishing when the food arrived. Phil could feel Melinda's eyes on him from across the room as Clint delivered the food to her table, but he kept his head down as his coworker explained that the cost had already been taken care of. Skye herself seemed content to watch him work between mouthfuls of pasta after her quiet thanks. Taking the cookies from the oven, he set them aside, making sure to set them well away from his little baking assistant before he moved on to another task as they cooled.

"What's that for?" she asked, tilting her head to the side in curiosity.

"Fondant, right?" asked Melinda, as she abandoned her post by the window to take a look.

Phil nodded at Melinda's question. "For an 8 year old's birthday party."

"Why's it so...white?"

He laughed at the poorly hidden disgust in Skye's voice. "Well it won't be when I'm finished. It's going to be two shades of blue, but I haven't added the color yet."

"Oh," she breathed, the relief in her voice evident as she twirled another forkful of spaghetti, nodding as he pulled out a vial of food dye labelled cerulean. "Much better."

"I'm so glad you approve," he laughed, shaking his head. Turning to Melinda, he echoed his question from earlier. "So...you wanna help?"

She seemed confused and then downright horrified at his inquiry. "Oh, no. I have no creative bone in my body."

"Come one, Mel. It's easy and Clint is busy with another cake," he hedged, knowing that Clint would help in a heartbeat but not wanting him to. "I just need you to lift the other side so that I can set it down evenly."

Melinda looked skeptical. "That's all?"

"Cross my heart," he promised, dragging his index finger across his chest with a smirk.

He'd certainly meant for it to be all, but as they covered the first tier, he managed to talk her into doing the next and before long, she was cutting out small fish and circles in shades of green, white, and purple fondant without him having to ask. "What are these for?"

"Scales," he replied. "It's supposed to look like a mermaid."

Again, she looked skeptical. "Not exactly a Christmas cake."

"Not really, but her favorite movie is The Little Mermaid, from what her parents tell me. Here," he began, stepping behind her as he overlapped the dots in the way a fish's scales would be. "The white ones we'll paint silver and gold for a little variation."

Melinda, "hmm'd" in agreement as he explained, but her hands had stopped moving, her body tensing, and it was only then that he realized just how close the two of them were as the scent of apples filled his nose for the second time. Quickly, he stepped back but could neither hide his blush or the small rush of elation that filled him at the sight of her own pink stained cheeks.

He brushed it off, the idea that she might have enjoyed his proximity leaving him even more confused than before they'd stepped into his bakery.

They continued on in silence, but he couldn't help but notice that the air had grown thicker and that with each punched out circle or fish, Melinda grew quieter. Quicker than any of his trained employees, she had finished her task with unmatched precision that would have given even Clint a run for his money, and was gathering their belongings before he could get a word in edgewise.

"It's getting late and Skye's got practice early in the morning, so it's probably best that we go," she began, eyes focused everywhere but him.

He moved to open the door at the same time they reached the threshold and not reacting fast enough, he bumped Melinda's shoulder, causing one of her shopping bags to tumble to the floor and he watched as a shining, brightly colored object rolled across the tile.

Like Skye's, the ornament was newly purchased and while it was certainly to be used for Christmas, the sight of the striped, ginger cat haphazardly wrapped in a string of colorful lights was enough to leave him reeling.

'If Skye's is the cupcake, then the cat must be...'

His thought trailed off as he turned to look at Melinda who was doing her best to look unaffected, but was obviously embarrassed as she took the bauble from his hands.

"Mommy and I pick out new ornaments every year for our tree. She says it's special and that I should always get an ornament that stands for something good that happened this year."

For a minute Melinda lingered as if there was something she wanted to say, but changed her mind, choosing instead to whisper a soft, "Thank you for dinner. It was wonderful."

In the next moment they were gone and as he turned back to his workstation, with the intent to finish his cake, he couldn't help but feel as if his motivation had walked out the door with them.

Returning home that evening, Phil frowned at the dirt trailing a path across his wood floor as Audrey flitted about, her arms full of vibrant gold and red tinsel. The Douglas Fir had been delivered a few hours before and, in her excitement, Audrey had ripped into the boxes immediately, eager to decorate for the season.

Cap had retreated onto one of the bar stools, watching from a distance as if she was a madwoman; even the empty cardboard boxes and shiny garland couldn't entice him down from his safe perch.

Their first Christmas. That's what Audrey had said.

And she was happy.

'Why am I so...not?' he wondered aimlessly, his head beginning to pound with the first signs of a migraine.

Perhaps it was because she'd insisted they start a new tradition, with new baubles, new colors, and a tree that looked nothing like the one he'd grown up with. He'd never seen so much red and gold in his life and his frown only grew deeper with each added inch of glittery adornment.

Or maybe it was because his favorite ornaments, such as his popsicle stick reindeer from third grade with the red felt nose or his hand painted, puzzle piece picture frame that still held his first grade photo within it's green, mock leaf border, lay in a box in the closet, untouched and forgotten as Audrey added more to the tree. His past, his history, mementos of how he grew up—packed away.

Cap looked as equally appalled as he was, Phil noted.

Anyone else would have been excited, he knew. Christmas meant new beginnings, new promises...a glimpse of things to come, but he was confused, suddenly unsure if what he was seeing was the future he needed—or wanted.

#philinda au #philinda #aos fanfiction #phil coulson x melinda may #young!skye #in progress #multi-chapter fic #rated: T #just next door--chapter 10 #baker! phil #philinda bakery au

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