#the only thing they have to do is google the FUCKING PERSON
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The thing about Episode 7, Jayvik and Timebomb
We like to joke about the whiplash from constantly shifting between Ekko's visit in paradise and Jayce's suffering, but....
I actually have to put the shipping googles back on for this one.
When Ekko and Jayce meet, Timebomb and Jayvik have basically been torpedoed. Ekko almost killed Jinx last season, and only hesitated at the last moment. He spent so much time telling himself Powder is dead and Jinx killed her, but now he is no longer so sure. Jayce meanwhile kept drifting away from Viktor and every time he thought he would bring them back together, he would fumble, last time they meet he was yelling, unable to understand why Viktor given up on him, as if Jayce haven't broken every promise he made to him by not destorying the hexcore and by weaponizing hextech. Ships aren't completely sunk, but they're gaining water fast.
And then the Wild Rune sent Jayce and Ekko to different worlds. Ekko gets the world that could have been, Jayce gets one that may be.
Ekko's life in a near-utopian version of Zaun quickly focuses on him falling in love with Powder that could have been. And why wouldn't he fall in love with her? Shems a genius, she's funny, she's creative...but I think with time he realizes that all these things can still be found in Jinx. He realizes Jinx didn't kill Powder, Jinx is Powder lashing out in pain.
And yet, this Powder is not free of pain either. It's different pain, that he actually stupidly pokes early on. Pain caused by different trauma, which she got to deal with, while having a better support network, but sitll present (I have seen somewhere a good argument she shows signs of depression, but forgot where). It's not that she deals with her pain better than Jinx, it's just different. And I see with time Ekko realizes that and realizes how wrong it would be to give up on Jinx, that the same person he loves is in her world, but she has no one to be for her what this Powder has in her Ekko, Mylo, Claggor, Vander and Silco (that last one is an assumption on my part, it's unclear how close he is with Powder in this world, but considering he apparently co-runs the bar with Vander, he has to be present in her life in some way). When Ekko decides to come back, he isn't doing it only because it would be unfair to Ekko of this timeline and to Powder and everyone who loves that Ekko. He also does it because he realzied what an asshole he'd be to give up on Jinx.
And remember, he has no fucking idea about the seven hells of bullshit that went down in his world when he was absent. He doesn't know about martial law, about Warwick, about Viktor, about Noxus. He's coming back expecting to deal with his tree being sick and Chem-Barons war.
Now let's look what Jayce goes through. He gets sent to hell where his dream goes horribly wrong, yes. But what quickly happens to him? He breaks his leg falling down the chasm. He ends at the very bottom of where Piltover used to be. Correction, where Zaun used to be. The enviroment is slowly poisoning him. He is forced to fight every second to survive. Poisoned by enviroment, limping, forced to use leg splint and a staff as a crutch. Sounds familiar? Moreover, he is then forced to climb his way from the bottom all the way to the highest tower of Piltover. I'm surprised more people aren't talking about this, the metaphor is laid down pretty thick. Jayce gets crash course version of Viktor's life, he is literally forced to walk miles after miles in his shoes. They even made his leg splint look like one League of Legends' Viktor had until 2024.
he never really could understand where Viktor is coming from, even at his lowest he still was a minor noble house, he still lived in good part of the town. And sure, he and Viktor became close, but then Jayce got seduced by the fame, by glamour, by being man of progress, by being savior of the future, by cushy council seat. Power makes it hard to see evil, and privledge makes you blind to human the suffering. This experience was eye-opening to Jayce. I wonder how many times he must have stopped himself and realize this is what Viktor goes through on daily basis. And, as we learned later, after Jayce climbed this way to the top of hell, he saw how much HE means to Viktor, how HE is the only person who can give Viktor hope and save him from his own internalized ableism. He goes back to save the world, but he also goes back to save Viktor.
These stories weren't paired jsut to fuck with us, they're pararells. Jayce and Ekko both were blinded, one by glamour, the other by hardship, they could no longer see real Viktor and Jinx, too wrapped up in the people the world forced them to become. Each one was forcefully stripped from his ideantity, and therefore his biases, and forced to actually SEE the person they love, not the false image they built, but real them. And then each one went back and each one reached to their respective love and save them. And jsut like Ekko went back in time over and over to make Jinx see he's there for her even if she hates herself, Jayce was willing to sacrifice it all to show Viktor he doesn't need to be perfect to be loved, because for Jayce he always was beautiful.
And I could probably write a whole separate essay about how this theme of tearing through your own bullshit and actually SEEING the other person is present in this season. How Jinx and Vi are forced to go through microcosm of each other's experience to rebuild their love. How Caitlyn is saved from her own descent into villainy by being forced to see how much pain she caused Vi, see a human in Warwick, see a wounded child in woman who killed her mother. How Vi stops her self-destruction by trusting Jinx and seeing Vander in Warwick. How Mel literally has to fight Illusionary Sorceres, a.k.a. LeBlac THE DECEIVER and defeats her with words "I see you". How Ambessa is the only person who doesn't go through this identity destruction this season, even i nthe opening proudly wearing red of Noxus, and that's why she fails. How Maddie being a spy is telegraphed from her first appearance, where she's blocking the sun, effectively obscuring Vi's vision and making herself harder to be seen. How Jinx and Sevika are forced to see people in one another now that Silco's gone. How even during sesbian lex Vi doesn't let Cait get bogged down in guilt because she sees the woman she loves and that's all that matters. How Ekko defeats Viktor by showing him he's wrong to think only he can achieve power of Wild Rune, but also by literally tearing off the mask of god from his eyes, so that Viktor can SEE Jayce again.
But it's 4 in the morning as I type this and I'm no longer being coherent. Episode 7 is literally the microcosm of the whole season and Ekko and Jayce go through the same character arc in it.
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#timebomb#jayvik#how the fuck is this show so fucking good?!#they fucking cooked so fucking well#I wanna scream#This post was supposed to be a quick observation#and it all cascades and connects with everything else#pray for me or I'm going to have to start making video essays to put all my thoughts together#I'll have to get a mic and camera ffs
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Dictatorship (Rhysand's version)
I made a post of Rhysand and Feyre being Donald and Melania Trump in another universe and have called him and the inner circle the definition of Fascism, nobody better not get butthurt over this. If you do, I don't give a fuck.
IF YOU LIKE RHYSAND AND/OR THE INNER CIRCLE, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU! LEAVE NOW, I WILL BE SHITTING ON THEM!
Let's start with a definition. What is dictatorship? A dictatorship is a government or a social situation where one person makes all the rules and decisions without input from anyone else. What is a dictator? A dictator is a political person who rules a country with total authority and often in a cruel or brutal way.
Notorious dictators and dictatorships in history are: Vladimir Lenin and Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union, Benito Mussolini of Fascist Italy, Adolf Hitler of Nazi Germany, Hirohito of Imperial Japan, Pol Pot of the Khmer Rouge, and Mao Zedong of People's Republic of China.
Rhysand is the High Lord of the Night Court and has earned himself a reputation of being a cruel and evil man to the other Courts of Prythian. To others, the Night Court is seen as the Court of Nightmares; a land of cruelty but it's only a cover up to hide Velaris, the city of starlight and where Rhysand truly lives. The existence of Velaris is unknown with the expectation of a few people.
What makes someone a dictator? Google did not give me a clear answer so I had to go on Chat GPT and it gave me this (apologies if you don't like ai): Concentration of power, control over military and security forces, propaganda and censorship, repression and human rights abuse, and economic control. There are three more examples but I picked the ones that relate to Rhysand the most.
Concentration of power: As High Lord, Rhysand is the most powerful person in the Night Court. What he says, goes. His word is law. You can't go against him without facing punishment for it. If you are from Velaris, it doesn't matter because to you, Rhysand is a nice guy and a good ruler. To those in Illyria and Hewn City, he pays no attention to you. He doesn't give a damn about you.
Control over military and security forces: Whenever battle or war is coming, Rhysand goes to the Illyrian warriors and their warbands to aid him. He also has the darkbringers, elite warriors from the Court of Nightmares and are under the leadership of Keir come to his aid when Hybern attacks. Velaris was attacked in ACOMAF and Rhys and the inner circle went to defend their home and people but have they done the same for the Illyrians? Hewn City citizens? To them, the safety of Velaris will always be more important than the other two regions. That's just sad.
Propaganda and censorship: When it comes to making decisions, Rhysand either makes them himself or with the help of the inner circle. They may agree but as the high lord, his authority can never be challenged by them. As it is known to many, Rhysand has a track of using manipulation for his own gain or his court. Because of this, it forged the "the night court is evil" belief and the daemati powers don't make things better. He manipulates Feyre in the first book and makes her his pawn, doing it without her consent. Rhysand keeps many secrets hidden from the other courts which is somewhat normal but there are secrets that are crucial for other courts to know of. The cauldron for example or the book stolen from the summer court. He'll justify it as a way of protection when it's really not. (The pregnancy thing in acosf, cough.) He uses fear and intimidation when he feels it necessary and/or to keep control and it works all the time. An example would be how he acts when he visits Hewn City or the Spring Court.
To the night court, Rhysand is this great hero who sacrificed so much and will do anything for them. Which is true but it only goes for Velaris. To the other courts and Hewn City, Rhysand is as I said before, cruel and evil. The way the inner circle speaks of Rhysand (straight up dick riding), you would think he's one of the best things since sliced bread.
Repression and human rights abuse: What is repression? It's the act of using force to control a group of people and limit their freedom. What group in acotar has limited freedom and/or are controled? You guessed it, Hewn City citizens and Illyrians! What is human rights abuse? Anything that harms a person's rights but in this case, let's go with abuse of rights (since Illyrians aren't human).
The women of Illyria and Hewn city suffer under the system of men. In both regions, it rules under a patriarchal system. The Illyrian women have their wings clipped so that they can be used for breeding purposes and the Hewn women are sold off into marriages, even bidding their virginities. All these women face abuse (either physical, mental, or sexual) and their high lord has done nothing to stop it.
Rhysand knows the pain of sexual abuse and yet, this still happens to the women. "But the library!" HOW THE FUCK ARE HEWN WOMEN GOING TO MAKE IT THERE? HE DOESN'T LET THEM LEAVE, THINKS THEY'RE ALL EVIL, AND THEY DON'T KNOW IT EXISTS?
A woman with Illyrian wings is never mentioned; yes, we don't know if there is one or not but you think that a lady with big bat wings, someone would point it out. You're telling me that I'm getting abused by all the men in my life and there's a haven for women like me but I can't get access to it because I was born in the court of nightmares?
Ah! ça ira, ça ira, ça ira, Les aristocrates à la lanterne! Ah! ça ira, ça ira, ça ira, Les aristocrates on les pendra!
You may say that Rhysand has to let the Illyrians do their own thing so that they cooperate with him but here's the thing, Rhysand is a daemati. Daemati is the ability to control and infiltrate a person's mind. He could easily go into the minds of the Illyrian men and tell them to stop with the wing clipping and boom, problem solved but he doesn't. The same thing with Hewn men, go into their mind and tell them to stop these arranged marriages and biddings.
But as long as Rhysand needs soldiers and as long as Velaris is at peace, Illyria and Hewn city will suffer for it. The sins of the father if you want to call it. Always an angel (Illyria and Hewn city), never a god (Velaris).
Economic control: What is economic control? It can be seen as a form of abuse as it prevents someone from gaining financial independence. Measures of which governments use to manage and/or their economy.
The Illyrians have it rough. Like rough, rough. They don't live in houses like Velaris or Hewn City citizens. They live in war camps. WAR CAMPS. Their situation is so bad that Cassian handed out blankets. I'm taking a guess and going with the idea that the Illyrians use their money on weapons and training, etc. "Who needs proper housing when we can fight!" I know they make their own money through trade or selling/making clothes but y'all can't afford to make a house?
A lot of the riches in the night court is stored in Velaris but where the hell do they get it from? Their mountains? It will eventually run dry. Trading? Why must the Illyrians live like this and not experience a similar life to Velaris? They don't have to change the entire thing but at least, build them houses or cottages.
Do you know what a war camp looks like in real life?
But this is a fantasy book so it looks like this:
This is not a post to be taken seriously, it's just for fun, I enjoy writing analysis (analyses?) on things I like or hate, no in between.
I am only a woke libtard who doesn't turn off their brain to enjoy a book but instead, will read and analyze/give my critics😔. If only I could act like you booktok girlies who don't bat (get it?) an eye at the weird choices and decisions in the series and who will eat up the very questionable actions of my favorite morally grey man because tattoos, dark hair, shadow daddy, grooming underage girls, committing acts of sexual assault, being abusive and justifying that abuse because tragic backstory, yada yada.
I hold some of my favorite characters accountable for their actions but I don't justify it, it's very easy to do. Yes, they have trauma but it's not an excuse to do what they did.
I am only a teenage girl who loves to hate and act like a hypocritical bitch because what's more fun in life than making grown adults mad because of my unpopular/controversial opinions?
Why are you mad that I'm insulting your "book husband"? It's not my fault your book husband is a POS and that your own husband that you married can't satisfy you so you have to turn to fairy porn and hardcore smut to get rid of your blue balls.
I would like to give thanks to @sonics-atelier for giving me some help and thanks to booktok for unironically making me hate men.
Edit: "You're taking this too seriously!" Number one, I don't care. Number two, I'm a history nerd who once spiraled down a path of learning about dictators. Number three, I'm an American. I know what a dictator looks and acts like, we're going to have one in office for the next four years.
(This has been sitting in my drafts for months and whenever I felt like it, I worked on it.)
#rhysand critical#acotar critical#anti rhysand#sjm critical#acotar analysis#acotar rant#anti inner circle#anti ic#inner circle critical#ic critical#illyria acotar#hewn city#court of nightmares#anti velaris#anti booktok#booktok critical#i love being a hater#anti night court
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enpen / eyepen devoured 💀 enhypen who
like who is enhypen ? i only know
#out of all the kpop group names#this is one of the easiest to pronounce 😭#it is spelled. like how you pronounce it istg#HELP AND “your english is better than my korean”#GIRLYPOP WTF 😭#RESPECTFULLY YOU CANT EVEN SAY THEIR GROUP NAME GTFO#it’s giving “btw your english is phenomenal”#american interviewers<<<<<#the only thing they have to do is google the FUCKING PERSON#or the FUCKING GROUP NAME#HOW DO YOU SCREW UP THAT BADLY 😭#also if you’re confused just look up “enhypen gma interview”#or maybe you should look up enpen’s gma interview 🤠#☆゚elena’s rambles
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I guess Chilchuck has brought us right back to 'adults who are short are child-coded and if you like them you're a pedophile' discourse huh
#spitblaze says things#anyway.#1) please google 'halfling'#2) THERE ARE ADULTS WHO ARE VERY SHORT. DID YOU KNOW THAT. WERE YOU AWARE#3) THERE ARE ALSO ADULTS WHO HAVE CHILDLIKE FACES. DID YOU KNOW *THAT*#4) IF YOU THINK THE ONLY REASON A MAN COULD LOOK LIKE THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE TRANS MEN IM GOING TO KILL YOU#5) jesus christ will you just read/watch dungeon meshi and understand that the entire conceit of his character and of half-foots in general#is that its fucked up to treat people as children or subhuman because they do not 'look' like what you expect a cisgender adult to look lik#anyway if i see one more person call Chilchuck 'has gray streaks and an ex wife and three adult daughters' Tims a sh*ta#im gonna start smashing things#doin numbers
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Marvel writer: Then Wade get involved with monsters! And–
Me:
#Who tf thought this was a good idea#by fuck sake ANY Deadpool fan liked that? I can't believe it#reveal yourself there's no way absolutely no way#“Wade joining monsters because of his face or whatever” I am going to steal your computer#I am going to call google docs and prevent you from using I am going personally install Microsoft of any eletronic you might have#Deadpool#why was this a thing#'sure let's put this torturer and cancer survivor along with monsters because he looked *like that* huh?#the only person that *might* had taken something valuable out of this was Wong and even so I have to admit it was like seeing someone#take the wrecks and try to fix it with the little time they had#and I might confess#it was good? But still it wasn't good *enough*#I do trust Alyssa work better than any recent writer by the simple fact that they like him. Like ALOT it is clear how much they like him as#a character and respect him. But I am not so sure they were interested in making a important arc of him and set space for a new and better#direction or just pretty much self indulge and fanservice their way out of it. Which I am going to be honest by the level of writing Wade#received I can respect *at least that* and their OC was compelling instead of *gesture vaguely of hot woman self insert of the week that#looks wearily similar to Syrin.#like– Just use Syrin it's the same arc ITS THE SAME ARC#Wade Wilson
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if i have to sit through one more conversation in which i have to listen to someone chirp about the benefits of AI, i am going to stab someone
#my teacher is gonna make us have an AI unit 😨😨#what the fuck even is an AI unit#this is ethnic studies#and every time i have to sit there and act like the other person has a point when they're all just saying the exact same thing#“oh but it's impressive” yeah that's cause it's copied off the uncredited works of actual writers you dumbass#“yeah but i just use it to write quick emails” that's so fucking embarrassing what do you mean you can't write a fucking email#“i only use it as a tool” a tool for what? generative AI is a sad inefficient excuse of a 'tool' just use google it's not that hard#it's actually quite sickening not even gonna lie#i'll be talking to people who are supposed to be good at their job#and fully grown adults who i expect to be at least moderately competent when it comes to writing and they're out here relying on chatgpt#and i'll see people using chatgpt as a source too#like what happened to citing our sources? what happened to using credible sites? chatgpt is not a source#this is like basic middle school level media literacy#and not only that#but what also disgusts me is that these people don't even seem to care that AI is awful for the planet#it doesn't matter if your ugly fucking art is draining a whole goddamn lake because it's “pretty” and “impressive”#fucking hell#give me a break#fuck generative ai#me and the homies hate ai#anti ai#mxpotatoposts#jesus christ these tags are like 10 times longer than my actual post lmao
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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Slllliiiiiides over here. Hi hello. I don't think I'll do a bad karma run (IM SORRY. IM SORRY!!) cause a) I'm a wimp and b) I need to get off videogames as soon as I'm done cause I've spent too much time playing lately lmao BUT I will be watching playthrougs cause I gotta know how fucked up he gets.... I gotta know...
To clarify i have a pre existing oc from a story that could be very easily flung into a vat of "au juice" because she's already halfway there in her own cannon LMAO we shall see, for now I have a huge list of things I want to draw for this game so I gotta finish 2 before I explode then I can unleash myself on art again. Gotta feed the discord now. I'm cooking for a crowd.
hi i've been dead for 8 days and recuperating for two lol I understand life stuff (and saw some references to it on your timeline, like the warhammer stuff and the tarot card thing??? bro that shit looks so good!!) as someone that literally shared your stuff and then got ripped away for my own life happenings lmfao. But if you get the chance in the future? Seriously, try an evil karma inF2 run. There's something about how they balanced the story that puts its predecessor AND sequel to shame. They're the same story, but different tales. They have the same goal, but different goalposts. SPP gives you a well-thought-out storyline that both is cohesive, but feels like your choices actually matter. It has none of the "I can help this old lady...or kick her fucking dog lol" of inFAMOUS 1, or the "I will fight for the tribe but literally do everything wrong. everywhere. because I'm a Bad Boy™" of inFAMOUS: Second Son. The choices feel real. They feel sound. They feel like the choices a man wronged by the world would make, if he decided to turn to his harbored resentment instead of his morality. And let's be honest, Cole also feels more morally gray in inF2 than 1 anyways, so seeing the path he takes is great because it genuinely feels like he's done with the accumulation of every shitty situation that has happened to him. And I'm sure you know how the story ends now, so...don't you wanna see what happens if he chose the other option? (pls tell me you haven't watched the playthrough yet lmfao)
Anyways yeah no I totally get life shit, it loves to pull you away from stuff, and also as someone only just now trying to do the bad options in Detroit: Become Human despite getting the game at launch because I need 6 years of preparation to be the bad guy, I understand the wimp bit too. It's hard to be mean sometimes. But with Cole's inF2 story, it doesn't feel mean. It feels like a desperate man, trying to fight for a future he's not convinced cares about him.
And yes oh my god please keep creating lmfao we all love your art so goddamn much. Don't leave this fandom you're now a very important asset. And it's always a good thing, throwing old friends into new situations! I love an OC in a wardrobe change. That's usually the best translation. Think a bit harder about forcing that OC into a new role. Shove her ass onto the stage. We'd all love her.
#infamous#infamous 2#Cole MacGrath#bro i will scream about this fucking game from the rooftops nonstop it's the best one outta them all.#genuinely the only game i've ever played the bad guy in and went 'yeah okay i'd do that irl too'#versus vomitting when picking the asshole options in other games lmfao. i cannot be mean.#momma ain't raise no bitch but she DID raise an overthinking goody two shoes#seriously tho i love your art and pleASE keep at it. and good luck with the warhammer thing!! 32 minifigs is a LOT i do not envy you#will say you're the ONLY person I know who likes Kuo!! Which is so funny watching you integrate into the fandom talking so well about her#when I have like 3 friends I know that have made up instances in fics/hc just to kill her ass. everyone hates her lmfao#anyways you're aussie and i am an american about to sleep so. todaloo kangaroo.#also i do NOT have the inFAMOUS comics illegally on a google drive. How could you ask that? I know you wanted to read them but my god#I can't believe you'd think I have pirated material that I'd willingly distribute if you shot me a message (👀)
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saw the new alien movie! it was. um. well. there certainly was an alien in it
#my post#im so bad w names idk who anyone was except for andy#but why did the main girl have exactly equal amounts of chemistry with both the brother and sister characters#i mean like good for her. movie was a roller coaster of its so over were so back every time i thought the sister died#anyways the resident evil baby was not pleasant and i did not like him. wheres my babygirl the xenomorph#ALSOOO THE ROBOT FROM THE ORIGINAL WAS THERE. BUT HE WAS CERY MUCH CG AND BAD LOOKING#LIKE THEY DID NOT DO A GOOD JOB. ESP WITH THE MOUTH. WHAT WAS WRONG W HIS TEETH….#one thing i did like was the incredibly literal chekovs gun. someone in the writers room googled that immediately before writing that scene#the gun lasting on 1% ammo longer than the other 99% was so funny#what else is there to say about this movie#oh. oh. andy.#autistic robot trope. ok. alright. forgivable.#…….so like why was the only black person in the movie programmed to serve a white person. like. im not crazy right. that was fucking weird#right. im apparently the only one in my familu who noticed but. thats not. who allowed this. why did no one stop this.#uhhh overall. it was ok. dialogue sucked ass. there were like 7000 xenomorphs for some reason.
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I've lost every single friend I had in the last 2 ish years due to my deteriorating mental illness and i exist in total isolation all day long today i didn't have contact with another human person for 7 hours and I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind and sanity but also if any one asks me to do anything I can't and i certainly can't work so ❓
#and if you're reading this I'm not like in despair about this I'm just deeply deeply lonely and I'm making it worse for the people around me#and I've realized that I'm not a normal individual and i will always be this strange clingy girl and I'm not normal about relationships#platonic or romantic#and my woman's is amazing and i love her but she works and has school and a social life . and i am just so far behind.#and i feel like i will always be so far behind.#and it's funny how things can change in one year or two years. i feel like everyone kept going and i got left behind ??#i think i have clinical depression. I actually think i have a lot of things but everyone only seems to be concerned with this one diagnosis#i have. which objectively is bad and i get their concern.#and i get that i have to start being a contributing member of society but it feels like my brain is incapable of that.#and when i had the REAL problems i wasn't worried about this stuff. which is why i think it's just my bullshit in my brain. and it would#probably be better if i could leave the fucking house and do normal person things.#quick google search how do i learn to be a real person at 20 years old!?!?
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Why must dieting be absolutely fucking miserable
#ed blogs please dni i am not associated with you#i’ve only been calorie counting for 2.5 days and i’m already SICK OF THIS#why is every food i like to eat like 200 calories per mouthful#i’m planning dinner because i’m SO hungry already and why is a dollop of mayonnaise like the same amount of calories#as a whole can of butter beans. what’s the reason for that#i’m NOT switching to light mayo. at that point i’d rather just cut mayo from my diet altogether#light mayo; reduced fat margarine; light cream cheese & reduced salt marmite all taste horrendous to me#light cheddar as well. i’m not eating it!!!#don’t get me started on having to cut out weed because i will just start crying#being sober turns me into such a hater but the last thing i need is anything that will increase my appetite#i’ll be fine in like a week once my body adapts to eating 2074 calories instead of like fucking… 3000 or whatever it was#most of which were junk. i’m very sad that i can’t eat more than one sweet or piece of chocolate per day but i’m just trying not to think#about it. and while i’m on the subject; since when are fibre one brownies so boring. i feel like they used to taste legitimately good#i’m going to take up running again. because then i will be able to eat more. but also i will be hungrier. i CANNOT win#they really need to invent a low calorie food that actually tastes good to me. every time i google it i’m like eurgh#celery and nuts. fuck off#if i didn’t have arthritis in my knee and a family history of heart problems i wouldn’t be doing this shit but alas! i probably should#i just want to take like 20kg of strain off my knees it should not be this hard. and yet!#personal
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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I think I got possibly the absolute worst outcome for the tribunal you could possibly get and then slept from 12pm to 7pm
#SEVEN FUCKING PEOPLE DEAD#jesus christ#i dont think it couldve gone worse#im googling two seconds#yep jesus christ the only possible death i didnt get was kourtenar and i dont think i wouldve given a shit if he died#what the hell hiw did i fuck it up so unbelievably fucking bad#i failed some checks i really fucking shouldnt have#jesus this is what i get for being bad at murder mysteries#motherfucker#i actually feel genuinely really awful like sick to my stomach#my teeth started chattering during it i was so hopped up and stresssssed#fuck im tempted to cheese it to try get a better outcome but shit man i dont think i personally could#i have no idea how i could have fixed any of it i fucked up before i even walked into it#god what the fuck#im like genuinely embarrassed and kind of ashamed?#someone said you have to let shanky run how do you do that i genuinely do not remember a decision like that#fuckin cheesecloth brain fucking hell#couldnt have gone worse if ibfuckin tried#motherfucking disco elysium#this is so embarrassing admitting this#the power of friendship DID in fact fail me#well now i have to play the game and not fuck up like an idiot#god i feel so terrible how did i screw things uo so much#admittedly maybe i should be nicer to myself considering i'd maybe gotten 3 hours of sleep yesterday and had been awake for nearly 24 hours#(ive been sleeping weird dont worry about it)#but man i dont think i couldve made it go much better but even 6 deaths is better than 7#sprry for the long tags i am just miserable#i also think im sick? maybe a covid test in my future
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Raynes songs always go hard, but the lyrics for Tie Me To The Tracks are something else:
"You showed me what you are but I couldn't believe you. Assumed you were a star, and never really wondered why your eyes were burning red."
"I see the carrion crows, I hear the whistle blow, I know it's coming soon. I'll close my eyes, imagine what the big surprise could be and say goodbye. Wish I didn't have to die, but I'm not gonna see you again."
"You can tie me to the tracks if you wanna. You can stab me in the back, and I'll take a moment to relax cause at least I'm not gonna see you again."
#no screenshots of the lyrics bc they're not on spotify yet and I was too lazy to google trying to find a site that had them.#morrigan.text#lyrics#raynes#tie me to the tracks#funnily enough when this song came out a few months ago I got a tumblr DM from someone who said they were Raynes's publicity person#asking me to go listen to this song. And that's how I found out about it being out. But it took a while to grow on me as all things do.#I deleted the DM and I'm not posting this bc of that just because these lyrics are so fucking wild I need more people to see them.#but it's a weird funny story.#who knows if it was true or not but still.#weird experience to have lmao.#also god I love the bit between the chorus and the bridge where ''tie me to the tracks'' is being sung in the background. Very pretty.#that last line of ''you can stab me in the back and I'll take a moment to relax'' is so insane but SO FUCKING GOOD.#also I was looking at this band's show dates on spotify and they had one in a city with the same name as my hometown and I got SO excited#for all of 5 seconds until I remembered there's a real city with that name and that my hometown is too tiny for concerts. (it has no venues#if only they would come to the nearest city instead... I would go to a concert of theirs.
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IM PISSED WHAT THE FUCK
#personal#😭😭😭😭😭😭#bro this was 3 bucks from a garage sale like 8 years ago and its such nice stone im crying#rolled right off the counter and shattered 😭😭🥺#im in the middle of making mushroom power wtf am i supposed to do now? i cant afford a new pestle#and i dont even know if i could buy just the pestle#im so sad. today alredy sucks ive been having a chore morning bc i have house inspection tomorrow despite wanting bedrot time#depressi very bad time for chores to be done but they have to and im exhausted already and now my best and only pestle cracks im#im done fuck it the agent can fucking deal with an unmopped floor fuck this entire fucking day#im not a stone expert but i think its granite. can i ise superglue on granite#not that i have superglue either but i usually do with my groceries#google seems to say yes i can use superglue in granite only for the fact it has multple posts about wanting to remove it#ugh for fucks sake man. im as shattered as that thing is 🥺
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imo everyone on earth should be talking about Him (don't want this showing up in the tag even though it's not a diss) but everytime i go to the tag and there's only like 3 new posts i'm like. oh yeah almost no one cares except me and like 5 other ppl on here
i ran out of tags KFHSJENNXN i don't think that's literally ever happened to me before anyways don't read them because it's just me being insane as per usual
#most of his indirects on twitter are from people in diff asian countries as well and ik he's doing an asia tour soon(?)#bruh he's never coming back to the usa is he 😭😭😭 i need him in chicago i miss him so bad#i feel very ugly emotionally rn still bc i was reading all of the rando ass dating rumors of him last night LMAO and it pissed me off#i know i have no right to get mad and i'm being irrational but at the same time like. everyone is just like 'omg he's so in love rn'#bc his music has been very angsty and like. idk... conflicted? but his new song was very happy and sweet and very In Love Sounding#and i already know all his music is about one person bc he always talks about the same shit (he's very predictable i see right thru him)#and he's putting out a new song called 'shining' and he has been talking abt a person being his light/shining on him for the last 7yrs atp#so like. that's how i know it's about one specific person and i don't think he has moved on LMAOOO so unless he was dating the same random#7yrs ago i don't think he's dating any of the people they bring up tbh... i pay attention to these things not to brag or anything but like#being attentive to the people i love and noticing inconsistincies in their behavior and when they act diff is like. the only skill i have#at least irt other people LMAO like honestly i wrote all the lyrics he ever wrote down in a google doc and it shows a clear trajectory#that starts like... innocently and just gets more fucked up and toxic as it goes. and ppl say he's one of the most sane ppl they know#meanwhile he's been writing songs about 1 person for nearly 10 years and they get progressively more desperate and insane#I'M JUST SAYING. i completely forgot what my original point was but i guess it was most likely that. no one pays attention to him like i do#the songs started being about this person at the same time i started liking him and having dreams about meeting him btw#and they got progessively more uh. spiteful and desperate and weird as the years went on. did i mention i cast a spell on him 😐#and he literally says shit like 'it's impossible for me to move on' 'i don't care about anyone else' 'it's like i'm possessed' etc#and after we met at his concert he got really into saying shit like 'that one night wasn't enough' and 'the spotlight between us'#&the ever-famous 'i like the way you look at me' 'my eyes are on you' 'focus on me just look at me' when all i did was look at him all night#if you're reading this right now and thinking 'celeste do you seriously believe a kpop guy has been writing songs about you for 7 years?'#you should remember who i am and how i reacted to ***** having a gf (that i guessed exactly right months before he revealed it)#i'm schizophrenic 🤷♀️ but the guy i'm into was the one who started my fascination with soulmates and destiny and fate and shit like that#you know it's funny i mention that because he also started writing about that!!!!! in his songs!!! crazy#and he talks about the person making it hard for him to sleep and wanting to meet them in his dreams again and whathaveyou#i mean even in his two newest title tracks he says 'i'm frustrated in the studio the only melody that comes out is for you' and#'i want to turn everything about you into a song' in the newest one... hm.#and btw he announced his album right when i admitted i was in love with him again to my family (they know my insanity LMAO)#and he releases a song about being happy and in love and listening for someone's voice from far away to reach him/vice versa?????#right when i get back into him???#it's my fave color & his fave color & he's releasing it in my birth month like. i know billions of coincidences are a thing but it's crazy
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