#2) THERE ARE ADULTS WHO ARE VERY SHORT. DID YOU KNOW THAT. WERE YOU AWARE

[spitblaze]

I guess Chilchuck has brought us right back to 'adults who are short are child-coded and if you like them you're a pedophile' discourse huh

[birchleavesdawn]

Bitter Taste

Fromis_9 Saerom x Jo Yuri x m!Reader 4.2k words Warning: Watersports, Food play Authors notes: Fulfilling a couple of pretty old requests. The first one is a bit of a vague request and I don't really know what someone would be looking for for that so I hope this story is different enough. This will have at least a part 2 as I like the characters and already have the next part completely mapped out. Will see about anything beyond that. There is also a few easter eggs related to the title of the fic (song) in there, if you know the song maybe you'll catch them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another night on your phone. Eyes exhausted from having the same empty conversations over and over, just for the tiny chance of spending a boring night with someone you'd never see again. Your finger tapped on the same apps you did every time, hoping it would be different, but knowing it would be the same.

Enough of this.

*Ring*... *Ring*...

"Hello?"

"Hey Captain. You busy tonight?"

"Why? Did daddy's luck run out on his dating apps? I knew it wouldn't be long before I was hearing from you again." You could hear her grin through the phone.

"I'm tired of those girls. I just keep swiping, I need something new."

"Well, I'm working right now but I get off in an hour. Why don't you pretty yourself up and come meet me here. I know how we can have a little fun."

*Click*

Saerom was a bit of a wild card. She had gotten you to try many things you would never have even thought possible on your nights together. You couldn't begin to guess what she had in mind, but you were looking forward to something, anything different.

She texted you the address, it was one you recognized and It wasn't very far. After a quick shower, you put on something nice and headed down. A short walk and a couple minutes on the subway and you were there.

Sweet Indulgence Adult Ice Cream 19+

So she was working at an ice cream place now? You wondered what the 19+ meant. Maybe they sold alcohol? The bell chimed as you entered the shop. Saerom was leaning behind the counter on her phone.

"Oh! Hey there handsome. I'll be with you in a minute." She smiled and walked into the back room.

You took a seat near the front, deciding to wait there for her return, taking a chance to size the place up. It was small but not too small. There were three tables in the middle of the floor and two booths on the left wall. A glass counter ran through the middle of the room, filled with various flavors of ice cream. Basically it looked like any standard ice cream shop, with the only difference being the big "19+" written next to the milkshakes on the menu.

Yea must be alcohol. You thought.

That's when you noticed Saerom's coworker pop up from below the cash register. A short girl with shimmering blonde hair tucked neatly into her hairnet. Large, expressive eyes and a smile that was warm and inviting. She looked cute. Like a puppy. "Yuri" was written on her name tag. You watched her, hard at work, unsure if she was even aware of your presence.

Saerom reemerged a few moments later, walking to the door, pulling the blinds shut and flipping the open sign to closed. She whispered something to the other girl who then promptly disappeared into the back where Saerom had just come from. Saerom then made her way over to you. You stood up from your chair to meet her. Without saying a word she grabbed your face and licked firmly up the side of your cheek before growling quietly in your ear. She lifted up her white tank top and flashed you her breasts, before pushing them into your chest. You could feel her erect nipples poking you through your shirt. They probably spent a lot of time like that in such a cold place like this.

"Wow I guess we're getting right into it?"

"You have no idea how badly I want you right now." She grabbed your crotch and gave it a firm squeeze.

"But..."

She let go of your crotch and pulled her shirt back down. Leaving you confused.

"I thought we could play with Yuri tonight. She's pretty cute right?" Saerom said

You turned to look towards the back, the young blonde girl was now standing there, a bright smile on her face, wearing a frilly white apron with nothing on underneath. Her perky breasts were on display, along with a clean shaven slit that peeked out from below the bottom. Her legs were slender and shapely. You turned back to Saerom, who had a big grin on her face.

"So, what do you say?"

"Well she seems pretty excited and you know I'm not one to disappoint a lady. Especially one that looks like that."

"Great, then pick a flavor and Yuri is going to begin preparing our milkshakes."

"Chocolate cookies looks good."

Saerom nodded to Yuri.

Yuri spun around, revealing her perfectly plump backside. You caught Saerom staring out the corner of your eye, her mouth open, a lustful gaze. You really couldn't blame her, Yuri's body was incredible.

Yuri bent over the freezer, sticking her ass out as far as she could, and pulled out the tub of chocolate cookies ice cream, before carrying it into the back.

Saerom approached you once again, now fixated on the tightness on display in the front of your trousers. She breathed hot air into your ear while playfully biting your lobe. Her hands going for your belt.

"I'll make this quick. But don't worry, this is just a taste of what's to come." She winked.

Saerom wasted no time. She dropped to her knees, pulling down your pants and underwear, exposing your stiff and twitching member to the cool air. She took your head between her lips. She bobbed her head, quickly and forcefully, sucking hard while swirling her tongue. Your hands reached down to hold her, feeling her silky black hair slide through your fingers. You moaned softly, watching her move her head, sliding her glistening lips up and down your cock. The sloppy sounds of her movements were only outdone by the soft moans she was making as she worked. She knew exactly what you liked.

"READY!"

You heard Yuri shouting from the back. And once again Saerom let go of you, your shaft slick with her saliva, now feeling exceptionally exposed to the frigid air. She rose and straightened herself out.

"We'll finish later. For now let's enjoy our shakes."

"You're really just going to leave me like this?"

"Of course!"

Saerom motioned to the back.

You walked in after her, following her lead. The back of the store also looked like any ordinary ice cream parlor. Stacks of boxes labeled cups, spoons, bowls. The freezers and mixers sat along the far wall, a large refrigerator filled with various types of milk on your right, and a large steel door that clearly led to the walk-in freezer beside it. What caught your attention though was the floor to ceiling curtain that was hiding another part of the room. On one side of it, there was a steel chute that came from behind it and then led to the countertop where several milkshake glasses stood. Each one was filled to the brim with a thick, creamy shake.

"Grab your shake and give it a taste!" Saerom said excitedly.

"It should be that darker one there at the end."

You grabbed the shake she pointed to, and gave it a taste. The rich chocolate flavor was sweet and delicious. You hadn't expected ice cream to taste this good.

"Mmmm." You hummed, taking another sip.

"I like it."

"Like it?"

"Love it!"

Saerom laughed, pleased by your reaction.

"That's so good." You said, wiping a bit of it from your lip.

"I've never tasted anything quite like it. That bitter taste. Is that the alcohol?"

She looked confused. "What do you mean? There's no alcohol in this."

"Wait, really?"

"Of course not, silly. I wouldn't do that to you." She was now grinning ear to ear.

"So then, why did she call this the '19+' menu?"

"That's because of our secret ingredient."

Saerom motioned to the curtain.

"Would you like to see?"

Your curiosity piqued, you nodded.

She took hold of the curtain and drew it back, revealing the real reason for the 19+ on the menu. Yuri was knelt down on top of a small wooden platform with a thin mattress atop, her legs spread wide, her hands resting on her thighs. The steel chute that you had seen from the other side of the curtain, now entirely visible, was attached to the platform between Yuri's legs.

"I think you've figured out what's going on here, but why don't you let me show you anyway. Yuri, are you ready?"

"YES MISS SAEROM" Yuri shouted, her voice dripping with excitement.

"Now the girls who work here will often do this part on their own, but for the sake of the demonstration, I'm going to help her."

You watched as Saerom stepped forward and took Yuri's chin in her hand, leaning in and planting a passionate kiss on her soft lips.

"I'm going to make you feel really good." She whispered in her ear, before taking a step back and slapping her ass.

Yuri yelped. "Thank you Miss Saerom."

Saerom then climbed up onto the platform and moved behind Yuri, squatting down. She pulled Yuri's ass up to meet her face, spreading her cheeks and sticking her tongue inside.

"Mmmmm." Yuri moaned, closing her eyes.

Saerom's tongue danced around inside Yuri's asshole. Spreading her spit and getting her ready. After a few moments, she stopped and stood up.

"I can still taste the chocolate cookies ice cream you asked for. Good choice!"

Saerom reached forward and grabbed a spoon and a small white tub off the shelf in front of her, opening it and placing it on the platform next to Yuri's leg.

"We're going with classic vanilla for this one."

She then scooped out a spoonful of the ice cream and smeared it on her finger, pressing it against Yuri's rear, and then pushing her finger inside with the ice cream.

"Hnnng" Yuri groaned.

Saerom continued, working her finger deeper and deeper inside Yuri's asshole until she had the whole thing buried. She then slid it out slowly, letting her anus tighten around it.

"How does that feel?" She asked.

"Mmmmmm" Yuri responded, unable to manufacture any words.

"Yuri is really sensitive. It's how she's able to produce so many drinks over the course of a day."

Saerom scooped another glob of ice cream, pressing it into Yuri's asshole. Once again pushing her finger inside.

She repeated the process a couple more times before deciding that that would be enough. Yuri was starting to tremble now, her body beginning to shake as the effects of the ice cream began to take hold.

"How are you doing, baby girl?"

"I'm doing good, Miss Saerom." Yuri whimpered.

The ice cream had already begun to melt from Yuri's asshole, coating her pussy and running down the back of her thighs before being collected by the chute below her. Saerom dipped her finger in the melted liquid, bringing it to her mouth and giving it a taste.

"Mmm. Just right." She said.

She then turned her attention to Yuri's cunt, rubbing her fingers over her folds.

"And what's going on down here. Is it time yet?"

"Yes... Miss Saerom, I think so."

She gave her lips another pass over before sliding her fingers inside, eliciting a low moan from Yuri. She then removed her fingers and brought them up to her own mouth, savoring another taste of her favorite girl.

"You taste delicious, Yuri. Like a little angel. So sweet and pure."

"Thank you Miss Saerom."

Saerom then turned her attention to you.

"Why don't you come up and get yourself a taste straight from the source?"

She motioned for you to approach. You eagerly climbed up onto the platform and crawled behind Yuri, her beautiful ass and pussy now just inches from your face. Her sweet smell was intoxicating.

"Come on, take a bite." Saerom encouraged.

You reached out, taking hold of Yuri's ass cheeks, squeezing them together and spreading them apart, the melted ice cream having left them looking glossy and inviting. You stuck out your tongue and licked along her crack. You could feel her body twitch slightly at your touch. You followed the trail of vanilla down the curve of her ass, the smooth skin sliding under your tongue. She tasted amazing. You pressed your tongue to her cunt, licking the melted ice cream from her lips before finally sliding your tongue inside. Her pussy was warm and offset the cold of the ice cream. The taste was even better than her asshole.

"That's it. Get nice and deep." Saerom cooed. One of her hands had found its way into the front of her pants, she was visibly getting off to the sight of you tongue fucking her baby girl.

You pushed your tongue deeper into Yuri's pussy, feeling her clench and squirm. You danced your tongue around inside her, her moans growing louder.

"Ahhh. Ahhhh. Ahhhhhhh." Yuri had become a whimpering mess.

Saerom reached her free hand down and rubbed Yuri’s clit. Yuri's hips began to rock and sway as she fucked your face.

"I'm gonna cum, Miss Saerom."

Yuri's breathing was labored, her moans desperate. You felt her pussy clamp down on your tongue. Her legs were shaking, losing their ability to hold her weight. Before you knew it a stream of her nectar was pouring out of her, filling your mouth, splashing all over your cheeks and running down your chin then collecting in the chute between her legs.

"Good job, baby girl. That was wonderful." Saerom praised her. "Look how much we got!"

She ran her hand through Yuri's hair and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"You were a perfect little angel for our guest."

"Thank you Miss Saerom."

Saerom turned to you, seeing the mess Yuri had made on your face, a look of pride washing over her.

"Here, let me help you clean that up."

Saerom pulled you close and licked your face clean. Taking her time to lap up every last drop.

"Mmmm." She moaned. "God it tastes so good."

You could feel her hot breath on your face. She kissed your cheek, while her hand returned to your crotch, massaging your cock through the fabric.

"Alright I've waited long enough. It's my turn now."

She didn't wait for a response, instead she threw you down onto the mattress next to Yuri, who was still recovering from her orgasm.

"Clothes off. Now." She commanded.

You hastily pulled off your shirt, throwing it to the floor. Your pants and underwear following.

"That's it. You're always so good."

"Now get over here on your knees. I want you to look into my eyes the whole time... or so help me..."

She pulled down her skirt and kicked off her panties. Her pussy looked so inviting, juices had already begun leaking down her thighs. You wasted no time, crawling over and stopping before her feet.

"Wait. No touching yet. I've been holding this in all night."

You sat there obediently, your cock painfully hard. Saerom took a step towards you and lowered her folds to your face, an intoxicating scent of lilac and yearning emanating. Grabbing your hair with both hands, she tilted your head back, forcing your mouth open and giving herself full access.

Suddenly a warm stream hit your tongue, catching you by surprise. You made sure to keep your gaze locked with hers just as she directed, disobeying her when she was like this would only spell bad news for you.

Her golden liquid flooded your mouth. You swallowed as fast as you could but the stream was relentless. The pressure causing it to spill out over your chin, down your chest and falling onto your twitching member. You could feel her fluids warming you on the inside and out.

It tasted like heaven, sweet and bitter and everything in between. She looked down at you, satisfied. 

"Drink up, baby." She said between hitched breaths, her grip on your hair tightening.

She finally ran out and lifted herself from your face, leaving your mouth and nose drenched. She licked the sweat from her lips, taking a moment to admire her work.

"Fuck!" She exhaled.

She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back out of her face.

"Look at the mess we've made. Tsk Tsk. You know I can't have you inside me all filthy like that."

Saerom stepped over and sat next to Yuri, who had managed to sit herself up and had been enjoying the show.

"Yuri, darling, could you do me a favor and clean our friend's cock for me? But do not let him cum."

"Of course Miss Saerom."

She got to work immediately. Her eyes grew wide at the thought of tasting Saerom's juices on you. She wrapped her small, soft hand around the base of your cock and gave it a firm squeeze.

"It's so big! And the smell..." She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "It's so good!"

She licked her lips, before leaning in and taking the tip of your shaft into her mouth. She swirled her tongue around, coating your head with her saliva. You let out a quiet groan. After the blue balls you'd been getting all night, the mere contact from her mouth was almost enough to push you over the edge already.

Saerom was clearly enjoying the show, a satisfied smile on her face. She leaned in and whispered something in Yuri's ear. Yuri's eyes lit up again. She nodded and went back to her task, wrapping her lips tightly around your shaft.

"Now that's a good girl."

The way she looked down at Yuri with such adoration, such pride, it was enough to make your heart melt. You could tell she cared for her deeply.

Yuri continued, bobbing her head up and down your shaft, her tongue working furiously to clean you. She was making quite a mess with her spit leaking down her chin. She didn't seem to care one bit.

Saerom leaned in and kissed Yuri on the forehead.

"That's enough, my sweet."

Yuri released your cock with a wet pop. Your shaft now absolutely coated in her drool.

Saerom turned her attention to you. "I think you've earned a reward, don't you?"

You nodded, the ache in your loins was getting completely unbearable.

"Go on then. Come and take it."

Saerom lay back and spread her legs, showing off her glistening pink slit. You crawled between her legs, and pressed your tip against her opening.

"That's it. Don't hold back."

That was all you needed to hear. Those words producing a feral response deep inside you. You thrust your hips forward, burying your cock inside her, causing a gasp to escape her lips. You were on top of her, your body moving entirely on instinct. Hands grabbing at her thighs, pulling her close, trying to get deeper. You could feel her nails digging into your back, her teeth on your neck. The sounds of her moans were enough to drive you crazy.

"Ah.. f.." She bit down on your shoulder, her moans muffled, unable to get any words out.

Your thrusts were growing more erratic and less controlled. You were both losing yourselves. The tension inside her was building. She clung to you, her arms wrapped around you tightly and her breath hot on your neck. Her walls were pulsating, clenching around your shaft . You could feel her orgasm approaching.

"Aaaah." She cried out, her eyes rolling back. "I'm going to ..."

"Fucking do it then." You growled. The feeling of her pussy spasming around you. You kept the pace steady and guided Saerom through her orgasm. Her body shaking and trembling beneath you.

"God damn you're beautiful." You whispered. "But I’m not done. Ready to go again?"

She summoned the last remnants of her strength to offer you a delicate nod.

You rolled her over flat on her stomach and pulled her thighs together, placing your knees on either side. You admired the sight of her glistening backside for a moment, the sweat beading down from her ass and her shoulders before coming to a rest in the small of her back. You took a fistful of each of her cheeks to support yourself, before slowly tracing one long line up the length of her back with your tongue. The saltiness of her sweat paired well with the bitterness of her piss that still lingered in your mouth.

"Ah..." She gasped, shivering as a reaction to the surprise sensation.

You pressed the tip of your cock against her asshole, feeling her muscles clench. You plunged forward, the pressure giving way and the head of your shaft slipping inside. She let out a loud gasp as you slid deeper, continuing until your hips met hers.

You began to thrust, her ass was clenching around you. The wet slap of your skin on hers filling the air. She was gripping the mattress with everything she had left, causing her knuckles to turn white. You picked up the pace, feeling her insides stretch around you. You reached under and took hold of her breast, squeezing and pulling at her nipple. She let out a low moan as you continued to pound her.

"Fuck me harder." She panted, her voice strained.

You did as you were told. Thrusting faster and harder, slamming her into the mattress. She was a writhing, whimpering mess beneath you. Her voice growing louder, the sounds escaping her becoming increasingly animalistic. She was reaching her limits.

"Fuck. That's it. Make sure you cum inside me."

Her body was tensing up, the pressure inside her growing. You could feel her muscles contracting around your shaft, gripping you like a vice. You could tell she was going to burst at any second. You picked up the pace. Thrusting even harder. You wanted her to explode.

Saerom's whole body began to shake. You could see the strain on her face. You continued to fuck her. You couldn't stop. She was cumming. Her whole body convulsed, her screams echoing off the walls. You continued to pound her, driving her body into the mattress, not letting up. She was lost in the throes of pleasure. The orgasm had completely consumed her.

Her voice was hoarse. You couldn't tell if she was even making any sounds anymore. She had stopped moving, her eyes rolled back and her body limp. You continued to pound her ass, until your own release finally came. You let out a loud growl and thrust forward one final time, burying yourself as deep inside her as you possibly could. You could feel the warmth of your seed flooding her insides, the excess spilling out onto her aching pussy.

Saerom lay there motionless, but breathing heavily. You could feel the aftershocks of her orgasm still rippling through her body. You gently pulled out, releasing your hold on her and letting her fall back down flat on her stomach.

You collapsed beside her, panting, both of you completely spent. The next thing you knew, Yuri was standing above you, smiling. She handed you each a glass of water, which you happily accepted and chugged it down.

"Thank you Yuri. You've been wonderful."

She simply smiled and bowed.

"Well, I suppose we should clean up and be on our way." Saerom said, having partially come back to her senses. “As much as we’d all like to sit here for a while, it’s getting late.”

"Yes. It's quite late and we have a busy day tomorrow." Yuri chimed in.

"By the way, I promised Yuri that you would take her home tonight. I'll tidy up here, why don't you two get going. I don't want to keep Yuri up any longer than necessary."

"Ahh.. what?"

"Don't worry, you've already made her cum so she shouldn't be any trouble. Plus she can make herself useful. Now shoo. Get dressed and get out of here."

Saerom and Yuri dressed while you did the same. Once everyone was presentable, you took Yuri and headed for the door. As you walked out, Yuri handed you a new shake in a to-go cup.

"This is the one we just made together!"

"I can't wait to taste it." You replied, smiling.

You held her hand and walked her home. You enjoyed the silence, not saying much on the way, but enjoying each other's company.

When you finally arrived back at your place, you unlocked the door and motioned Yuri in, following close behind. You both kicked off your shoes and made your way into the kitchen, where you put the milkshake down on the counter.

"I only have one bed, but it's pretty big. I'm assuming that after tonight you won't mind sharing one anyway. You go on in, 2nd door on the right, I need to find a spot in the freezer for this milkshake."

You watched Yuri walk away, admiring the way her hips swayed, before heading over to the freezer. You placed the shake in empty corner and shut the door. You then made your way to the bedroom. Despite only being about 30 seconds behind her, she was already fast asleep on your bed. You made sure she had enough blankets before crawling into bed next to her. A moment later, you were also fast asleep.

[buckingham-ashtray]

SHERLOCK DID CHOOSE THE RIGHT PILL. STEVEN SAID SO

After rewatching ASIP again today, I think I might have finally discovered the truth about if Sherlock has chosen the correct pill.

The answer is YES.

I will save you time and tell you right here right now that the truth lies simply in how certain shots were particularly framed. However, if you do wish to discover the Why, then here is the other end of the handcuffs, be my most welcomed guest.

Let me start with a notice that I am as well aware as I can be that A LOT of people have already analyzed this mystery countless times from every possible angle. And while I remain confident in “The Princess Bride Theory” and am sure it's still the most possible solution (given the impossible odds), it might not be the case in Sherlock's situation. Here are two possibilities:

According to Mr Cabbie (Jefferson Hope), Sherlock's "fan" / his sponsor (later revealed to be Moriarty) has warned him about Sherlock in advance:

SHERLOCK: How did you find me?

JEFF: Oh, I recognised yer, soon as I saw you chasing my cab. Sherlock ’olmes! I was warned about you. I’ve been on your website, too. Brilliant stuff! Loved it!

SHERLOCK: Who warned you about me?

JEFF: Just someone out there who’s noticed you.

Now, Mr Cabbie’s kids get money every time their dad murders someone, yes, but since Moriarty has particularly warned Hope about Sherlock instead of warning him OFF Sherlock, it could be possible that the pay would be higher if Hope succeeds in murdering Sherlock. (But also given that Moriarty was much more interested in making Sherlock dance rather than killing him, this assumption is very likely wrong)

The second possibility is that could it be for both types of pills to be harmless to Hope (with his aneurysm), and only one of them deadly to the victims? (This hypothesis is also very unlikely, due to the fact that Hope did not have a real gun and was unlikely capable of strangling full-grown adults to death with his hands if they’ve actually chosen the harmless pill)

Thus, in this meta we are temporarily abandoning The Princess Bride Theory, assuming that there actually were a good pill and a bad pill for Hope as well, and focus entirely on the framing.

[I watched Ben’s new TV series ERIC a month ago and was astonished to realize that I was able to pick up on hidden messages so rapidly during the show. (Really recommend it! And if you’re into interpreting intricate movies as well, definitely watch The Power of the Dog too! I like it so much I am currently reading the novel.) A huge thanks to all you clever clever TJLCers, for that if it wasn’t for you and TJLC I would never have developed this ability at all to write this short meta.]

The key idea is to constantly ask yourself “Why?”. Why is this shot framed that way? Why did that light go out first? Why is this seemingly unimportant detail included here? Why did this dialogue happen?

Why did Steven Moffat write in the script that Hope chose the building on the right?

If there’s one thing I know for certain, it is that NOTHING in BBC Sherlock is there without a reason. So, why was the right building the “right” one, instead of the left? Does it parallel how the two bottles of pills were placed on the table? If we make the assumption that Right is correct and Left is wrong, is there any other evidence to support it?

YES.

1. The pills

WHY is it that EVERY TIME the two pill bottles were given close up shots side by side, it was ALWAYS the one on Hope’s right in focus?

2. The doors

WHY is it that Sherlock and Hope entered through the right side of the door in the right building, and John ran through the left side of the door in the left/wrong building?

WHY is it that John burst through the right side of the door AFTER Sherlock has chosen the pill on the right?

3. The positions

WHY is it that Sherlock was ALWAYS on the left side of the frame and Hope the right without ANY exceptions?

WHY is it that they switched positions AT ONCE, the moment Sherlock chose the pill on the right? (Also note that Sherlock held his pill in his right hand and Hope his left)

Why Why Why?

If it’s just once or twice, we could still dismiss them as “coincidences”. (What did we say about coincidence?) But this many? Implicated in such platent ways? I was an absolute idiot for not seeing this sooner.

If every single shot implies that right is Right and left is Wrong, Hope slid the pill on the left to Sherlock, and Sherlock chose the one originally on the right, is there any possibility that he chose the wrong one?

NOT. A. CHANCE.

All screencaps taken from here.

(I really wanted to tag someone but sadly I don’t know any of you wonderful people and it feels terribly intrusive and impolite to tag someone you don’t know :( Please definitely let me know if you wish to be tagged and thank you so much for coming to my ted talk.)

[writingreadinglurkingandsmirking]

The Greatest of Luxuries - Sarah Cameron x Reader

Dear Reader Duology: Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Your relationship with Sarah isn't new. Far from it. You love your girlfriend more than anything, just as you know that she loves you. But this new trend of her being almost...embarrassed to be around you? That is new. For fuck's sake...she dropped your fucking hand.

Word Count: 3.7k+

TWs/CWs: She/her pronouns used, adult/profane language, descriptions of relationship issues/relationship deterioration, mentions of a sick family member (not super specific or drawn out)

Note: I had to just throw this out there and be done working on it so sorry if it's bad lolz. Part 1 of the Sarah Cameron installment of the Dear Reader duology series I have going on here on Tumblr. I was inspired to pick this back up because I saw Ms Swift last weekend and was reminded how much I love Dear Reader. Plus, it's pride. So go lesbians, go. Part 2 of Sarah's should come up very, very shortly. And if I'm lucky I'll get Kie's out before pride month is over.

Your relationship was not new. You’d been dating Sarah Cameron for over two years now. You knew that your girlfriend cared about you immensely. She’d never been hesitant to show it before. In fact, she’d always been touchy and doting, going well out of her way to make you feel special. The first time that Sarah had kissed you in the middle of the conversation, you felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Truly. And the way that she smiled at you afterward and told you that she thought you’d never be interested? She had you. Hook, line, and sinker. So, in truth, the past two years had been nothing short of bliss. Even when there were rocky times, even when you were fighting, you two were strong together. And you loved her. You really did. More than anything.

So no, the relationship was not new. But this? This…this was.

Over the past few weeks—nearly a month now, actually, when you thought about it—Sarah had been acting…strangely. She was far less touchy, a fair bit more distant, less attentive, harder to get a hold of. In essence, she was displaying the whole arsenal of warning signs that something was going horribly wrong in your relationship. Except you couldn’t place what it was. Couldn’t think even slightly of what could’ve caused it. The first week you convinced yourself that you were crazy…just imagining things. The second week she canceled plans on you twice, citing an emergency with Kiara…who then called you half an hour later asking if you wanted to hang out with her because JJ was sick and she was bored. So, at that point, you knew you definitely weren’t crazy and that she was hiding things from you. It made you physically ill to think about so you pushed it away. You hadn’t confronted Sarah for the lies she’d told the week prior. You hadn’t said anything about you hanging out with Kie the week before when she was supposedly doing the same. You hadn’t even made a comment about how weird she’d been acting. You’d been giving her space like you knew she needed. You’d been letting her breathe, not suffocating her like she so obviously hated in her prior relationships.

But, that all brought you to the third week of this incessant hell. To this week. And you felt like you were going crazy and you couldn’t even say anything about it. The churning anxiety in your gut seemed unending. You were a strong, adult woman. By legal and literal standards you should be able to get through this. Or, at least talk to your friends to get help getting through this. But you were keenly aware that this wasn’t something you wanted to broach. It wasn’t something that you wanted to talk about. That’d make it more real. The last thing you needed was to make this worse on yourself. But, it didn’t matter what you wanted. Because this was starting to take a real, substantial toll on you. You were losing sleep at this point which just felt stupid and you felt like there was no one you could turn to. Your appetite was tanking, your focus was shit. And while normally you’d turn to your girlfriend in times of woe, this time, she was the one causing the upset.

There was no way to win.

Despite this, you did your best to remain as normal as possible when you were around anyone else. From Sarah herself, to your friends, to your parents and co-workers, you made painstaking efforts to appear like nothing was wrong. You knew it wasn’t exactly the healthiest of coping mechanisms to completely ignore the problem. But, it was all you could bring yourself to do right now. The only solace you found was in the back room at your workplace. Your parents were the premier florists in the Outer Banks. Their flower shop was a family business that stretched back three generations now on the island as insane as that felt. Standing in the back, tending to the blooms, and making bouquets were the only times that you felt like you could completely shut down the madness of your brain. Even so, a shift could only last so long. Especially without making other people suspicious of why you were working so much.

After the ten-hour shift you’d been on closing your parents’ shop, you could only be grateful that it was summer, so the sun was still shining pretty damn brightly when you headed out at 8 that evening. You made your way to the apartment that you shared with Sarah, a strange sort of dread pooling in your stomach that you did everything to ignore, and felt exhaustion coil around your very being as if trying to choke the life out of you. You trudged up the stairs, trying to paint on the most composed look you could, and unlocked the door, stepping in.

“Hey,” you heard from behind you as you closed the door. You nearly jumped, startled at the presence, and turned your head.

“Hey, Sar,” you greeted with a half-smile as you skirted around her to place your bag and keys down. You took your shoes off and made to go into the kitchen when you noticed her staring at you. You stopped dead and looked at her. “What?”

Sarah’s face contorted in a grimace for a moment. “Did you forget?” she asked, sounding almost hesitant.

The words felt like a punch to the gut. You took a long, measured breath in and looked at her. “Forget what?” I asked cautiously.

She sighed, looking down. “Never mind,” she murmured.

“No, angel, no. What’s up?” I asked. The words felt forced, exhausted. I felt like I could crawl into a hole and sleep for a year or thirty five and would still wake up tired.

“John B’s party is tonight in less than an hour. We’re supposed to be going together,” she said, staring at her hands as she played with her fingers, avoiding eye contact. “Don’t worry about it. You had a long day. I can go alone.”

That stung even more. “No,” you said immediately, an ugly combination of angry jealousy burning in your stomach at the thought. She’d been spending more than enough time with John B lately, as bitter as it was to think so. The last thing you wanted was a night of her hanging out with all your friends—including her ex—at a party while you sulked at home just because you were tired. “I’ll go with you, Sar. Of course I will. Sorry that I forgot it was tonight. Just been busy.” You ran your hand through your hair. “It’s at the beach right?”

Sarah gave you a bright smile that, for a moment, convinced you things were normal. “Yeah,” she said, nodding. She moved forward and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, body pressed flush against yours. Habitually, your arms wrapped around her kissing her back and hugging her. The pair of you remained in the embrace for a few moments even after you broke the kiss. You could hear the smile on her voice as she spoke again. “Thanks for coming. Feel like we haven’t been able to do anything in forever.”

“Yeah,” you said, struggling to keep your voice from cracking. “I know.” You inhaled shortly. “Of course. I’ll go wherever you want me to. Okay?”

“I love you,” she said, reaching a hand up to trace your cheekbone delicately. She looked into your eyes and you, again, remembered why it was so easy to love Sarah so goddamn much. You gave her a half smile and broke away, knowing that the longer she looked at you the more likely it’d be that she’d see just how upset you were. “Hey…you okay, peach? Something wrong?” The nickname made you nauseous. And if you had less control over yourself, you were sure you’d have already devolved into tears.

“No, I’m okay,” you denied, shaking your head. “Just gotta get changed.”

Sarah frowned. “You sure? You’ve been quiet this week,” she said.

You nodded again, resisting the urge to laugh at the hypocrisy of that statement. She’d have to have been around more to know if you’d been quiet that week. “I’m sure, Sarah,” you assured her, tone falling just a touch flat. “Just been busy, that’s all. And I don’t wanna make us late. So just give me like twenty minutes to clean myself up.”

To her credit, at this moment, Sarah was being her normal self. Her attentive, doting self. The self that had been gone all month. “As long as you’re sure,” she said, sounding unsure herself.

Instead of replying, you nodded and fled to the bathroom. And in the bathroom, you spent a few minutes pulling yourself together emotionally before getting your shit together physically so you could leave. And 20 minutes later, after changing into more casual-party-on-the-beach appropriate attire and throwing some stuff in your bag, you were ready to leave.

“Wait, did you eat anything for dinner yet? Do we need to stop?” Sarah asked, pausing as you were gathering your bags.

“I’m set. Why? Are you hungry?” you asked, not glancing back at her as you finished fiddling with your bag.

Sarah paused. “No. I’m okay,” she said eventually.

You looked up again. “You sure, baby?” you asked, reaching out your hand to rub up and down her arm.

At that, Sarah smiled. She melted into your touch a little and nodded. “I’m sure, yeah. John B will probably have something there if we need it. If not we can head out early and grab something,” she said. She gave you a cheesy grin and an exaggerated wink and you couldn’t help but laugh a little. Your heart lightened a bit as you laughed and Sarah practically beamed at the sound that she hadn’t been hearing much of the past few weeks.

You offered her your hand. “Ready to go, love?” you asked her.

She took it. “With you? Absolutely,” she said, squeezing your joint hands.

“Who is actually going, again?” you asked as you got into your car ready to drive over to John B’s where you would park before going to the beach.

“Uhh, the usual. Kie and JJ. Pope and Cleo. John B. I think maybe some other people. Didn’t really ask this time,” Sarah replied, shrugging as she pulled down the visor in the car to adjust her lip gloss. She looked over at you and smiled. “Why? Do you want something bigger? Smaller?”

“Nah, nah, I’m good,” you replied, laughing slightly as you backed out of your spot, starting towards John B’s on the road. “Just curious. Haven’t been able to hang with everyone in a while. Hoping it was gonna be the whole group, is all.”

Absent-mindedly, Sarah reached out and grabbed your hand, nodding at your words. Then, as you began your drive, she began to talk about her day, catching you up on some of the stuff she’d done and dealt with. You listened attentively, feeling some of the stress melt away as you finally got to spend a tiny sliver of alone time with the woman that you loved. It was, for the time being, peaceful. Relaxing. You felt like a calmer, fixed sort of future might be truly possible. The way that she rubbed her thumb along your hand as you held lovingly onto each other. The way that she looked over at you with a soft, adoring expression. The way that she leaned over and casually fixed a piece of hair that had gone rogue from how you’d styled it earlier. All of it was the Sarah that you knew and loved.

Even as you parked the car, you felt like you could’ve been floating on Cloud 9. When you parked and got out of the car, Sarah came quickly around the car, all but pressing you against the door to kiss you breathless. She then dutifully smiled, fixing the lip gloss that she’d transferred over to your lips, then hers again. After that, with a cheeky grin on her face, she linked hands with you again and started pulling you towards the beach. You walked in amiable silence from John B’s property line all the way to the edge of the beach. As you breached the tree line you could see your friends all sat around a bonfire that would, doubtlessly, steadily grow throughout the night.

Kie was the first to spot the pair of you, crying out a loud cheer. That prompted all attention over towards you two as you approached. As everyone’s attention turned, Sarah dropped your hand. Not casually. Not unnoticeably. But, she practically threw your hand away from hers and stepped a few inches away. You audibly heard your breath catch in your throat and felt your face fall. The only reason that Sarah didn’t was that she called back an equally boisterous, loud hello. Sarah practically started running towards your friends and you were left to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart and pride that had been scattered together along the sand of the beach from a tiny, stupid fucking action. Largely, the group didn’t seem to notice the way that you faltered. Not at all. But, you could tell that Kie and JJ were looking at you real funny for a moment there.

When you walked over to them, Sarah was already talking to everyone as if she’d been there all night. And she practically threw herself into hugging everyone. JJ and Kie. Then Pope and Cleo. Then John B. It wasn’t hard to guess which one would last the longest. And you hated the way that your brain lingered on the hug between Sarah and her ex. You knew she didn’t have feelings for John B. At least…not anymore. At least you thought she didn’t. Refusing to linger, you pasted a smile on again and greeted your friends too in turn giving short hugs that you excused away by being tired.

As JJ brought you into a hug, one of the last two you were giving one to, he held you for a moment longer. “You good?” he murmured seriously, low so no one else could hear.

“Yeah, J. I’m good,” you replied, tired. You shrugged when you pulled back, not meeting his eye. You knew full well that he’d call you out for lying, regardless of who it was in front of. You pretended to stretch your back for a moment to cover the obvious avoidance and then gave him a lazy grin. “You good, man?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” JJ said, voice flat and unimpressed. Even without seeing your face, he knew damn well something was really off.

“Hey,” Kie greeted, interrupting before JJ could say something else. She brought you into a tight, warm, lingering hug, refusing to let you pull away. “Haven’t seen you in forever. Where the hell have you been?”

“Flower shop has been busy,” you said, shrugging. “Not gonna leave my parents hanging. You get it.”

“You and those damn flowers,” Kie laughed, hugging you tightly still. You found yourself relaxing into her arms and hugging her tightly back, some of your tension decreasing again.

“I just care about the dahlias,” you joked.

Kie groaned, bumping your hip with hers, loosening her grip just a little while she grinned. “Trust me we know you love your dahlias,” she said.

“Hey,” Sarah said, practically materializing by your side.

You jumped slightly and turned, Kie’s arms falling. Sarah looked unhappy, brow puckered as if she just tasted something particularly gross. You reached out to take her hand and she pulled it back, making it look natural even though everything about the movement was anything but. And you knew it from the way her shoulder jerked, even if her arm didn’t betray it.

“What’s wrong, babe?” you asked her, struggling to keep the hurt from your voice, but miraculously managing.

“Can you and JJ go get some wood for the fire while we start to get it growing,” Sarah requested, a sweet but strained smile on her face.

You raised a brow looking over at the fire. It was blazing strong and high, burning brightly. And there was a small pile of wood next to it too, ready to be thrown in when needed. You felt your heart stutter. You pursed your lips even as you nodded, patting JJ’s shoulder so he didn’t make a snarky comment.

“Yeah, sure,” you said shortly. You craned your head towards JJ. “Let’s go man.”

“I’ll come with you,” Kie said, suddenly, looping arms with both JJ and you before pulling you in the direction of the woods you’d practically just emerged from. You frowned but let yourself get pulled along, a fake smile slipping off your face with each step, leaving nothing behind. When you were a few paces behind Kie looked over at you, and you refused to look back. “What the hell was that about?”

“Nah, what the hell was any of that?” JJ added. “Why is Sarah acting so weird right now? Fuck’s that about?”

“Not a clue,” you replied, shrugging, pulling away from the pair of them to move a few paces ahead. You ran a hand frustrated on the back of your neck then shook your head. “This is so…whatever.” Again, you shook your head and cleared your throat. “Don’t even worry about it. Just some weird shit, guys.”

You saw them exchange a glance out of the corner of your eye, but you steadfastly ignored it, refusing to let yourself even acknowledge it. Deny, deny, deny. That was the ongoing chorus in the back of your head as you kept walking. Kiara said your name in a tone that you were all too familiar with. In a tone that dictated she would get an answer out of you whether you liked it or not. You slowed your steps, hands balled into fists at your side. You turned your head over your shoulder.

“Kiara,” you said, voice cool.

“Talk to us,” she said.

The beeping of your phone from your pocket saved you from having to answer immediately. You shook your head, frustrated, and tore your phone from your pocket, starting to unlock it. “Nothing to say,” you mumbled. Your mother had texted you. Repeatedly. Within minutes. Your eyes narrowed and you then widened as you read the words. “Oh my…” You blinked rapidly at the news.

“What’s up?” JJ asked, sounding deeply concerned at the sudden change in my affect. You didn’t answer, just re-reading the texts over and over and over again, trying to force them to sink into your brain. JJ said your name twice and still you didn’t answer. You felt Kie and JJ both at your shoulder, reading the texts over them.

“Shit,” Kie muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“I gotta go,” you replied, shoving the phone in your pocket and shaking your head.

“Hey, hey, wait,” JJ said, catching your arm. “You good to even drive? Do you want me to run and get Sarah?”

“No,” you said, extracting your arm immediately from his grip. “Don’t ruin her night. I don’t fucking care. I’m good. I gotta go.”

“Do you want us to tell her?” Kiara called as you started to rush towards your car.

“Don’t care,” you called back immediately, body feeling cool.

You got into your car, calling your mom as you peeled off of John B’s property as you started racing towards not your apartment but the ferry. When your mom answered, you heard not a greeting first but her chattering rapidly on the other end of the line sounding exhausted.

“Mom?” you called.

“Honey, you got ten minutes to get on the last ferry of the night,” she replied.

“What happened?” you asked.

“Your aunt collapsed. It’s not looking good,” she said quietly.

You cursed. “I’ll be at the dock in five,” you said. “Are you guys with her? At the hospital?”

“Yeah,” your mom replied. “We’ll see you soon, honey. Is Sarah with you?”

“No, Sar’s not. She’s in the middle of something. I haven’t told her. I gotta go. I love you, Mom,” you said shakily.

“Love you too. Drive safe,” she said firmly. You could tell there would be more questions in the realm of Sarah later, but you knew that your aunt would take precedence. You shook your head and started driving, hands shaking even as you held the wheel in a death grip. Your phone started to ring again. And on your car’s dash, you saw Sarah’s name and contact picture show up. You shook your head and declined the call, immediately putting your phone on airplane mode for the moment.

By some sort of miracle, you got to the dock in time and got yourself a ticket before the boat left for the mainland. On the boat, you turned off airplane mode, switching it to Do Not Disturb, making it so that none of your friends could contact you. So that Sarah couldn’t contact you. As you did so, you got rid of the notifications that remained. The last was a double text from Sarah.

My love, you’re scaring me. I hate to think that you’re out there overwhelmed like this and that you’re alone.

Please talk to me, peach.

You loved her. You did. You loved her more than anything. But the past month had been too much. And if you weren’t enough for her anymore like her actions had been suggesting? Well, then this was a good excuse to get the fuck out of the Outer Banks and get your head back on straight. To figure out what you want if things aren’t going to work out with her.

All you could do was take out your phone and fire off a single text of your own. To Kie, not to Sarah.

Tell her not to come.

You put your phone away.

You’d waited all month for Sarah to talk to you. It was her turn to wait now. Your family would come first. And if that meant that your relationship would end? If that meant that you’d be the one in the wrong? Then whatever.

Deny, deny fucking, deny.

[deadpool15]

Our life

"HI, my name is S-Sunny. Sorry, I'm a bit camera shy, unlike this one right here." I point in the direction of my husband sitting next to me. It always feels a bit crazy referring to him as my husband. I'm like, I'm married now. "And I'm Byeon woo seok, this is Mrs. Byeon." I stare at that big Ole lopsided smile on his beautiful plump lips. "Baby, I introduced myself already," "Yea, and you didn't say it right, honey, so I got you." To think I'm married to this cringe worthy guy is a wild thought.

Question 1. How did you two meet?

Adjusting myself in the seat, I hadn't noticed I'd moved slightly away from Woo seok until he pulled me right back under him. "Can you even remember this, I know I can right down to the smallest detail, but she has a very bad memory in general." I snicker at that comment. Of course, he wants to tell the public that. "I'll start, we met at a cafe. She was studying or technically finishing up some homework when I had just gotten my order and decided that instead of taking it to go, I would stay and have a seat. I saw her, sitting in the very corner of the café working away on her laptop while wearing a turtleneck with a big baby blue trench coart sitting on the side of her and her blue jeans She looked like something out of a Disney movie, I had never seen something so beautiful." I blushed hearing him recall the story. He always tells it as if he is falling in love all over again. "She didn't even notice when I asked if I could sit with her, so into her on little world." I fixed a hair on his forehead before grabbing his hand. "I did notice, though I thought it was weird. I mean, I grew up in a black neighborhood, though I went to schools in all white neighborhoods. So, no one ever took time to get to know me or wanted to even be next to me. I got used to my own company to the point where I became so introverted that when someone spoke to me, I would mumble and walk away or pretend to be mute. No one in that cafe sat next to me now I don't know if it was a racist thing or a simply just a rule of don't act next to someone when there are a lot of seats. I literally proceeded to look behind me, thinking he was speaking to someone else, but my seat was against the wall." We both sit there laughing at that memory.

Question 2. Who took interest first?

"I know for a fact it was me. She was the sweetest thing I had ever encountered in my life. She was an all shy, but once you got to know her, she was this amazing bubbly soul." I simply looked at the camera feeling aware of the people in the room until Woo seok squeezed my hand to let me know I wasn't alone. "When I first met, i was trying to figure out why this beautiful human wanted to be next to me. I was a college student at the time, like first year I'm on my last year now. I came to Korea to get a degree and a change of scenery. I grew up in Tennessee, U.S. I feel like it's obviously once I start speaking English. Though, all my life, the only thing I knew was farmland. Taking care of the animals and my papa."

Question 3. Is your height an issue?

I stared at the entire camera staff when I heard the question, with a poker face. "Really guys? We are adults here who wrote that in the first place, huh?" I stand up, causing the crew to laugh even harder than before. "I'm not answering the question, forget all of you. I thought we were friends." I sat there trying not to pout, knowing it would only make them embarrass me further. "Baby, your height is fine. You're just short, and that's ok." I blink my eyes up at him. Sadly, I still have to look up even though he is sitting down. "I'm not short. you're just really tall." I lie through my teeth. Well, it's not exactly a lie he is really tall, but I'm really short. Standing at 4'11, cursing my ancestors for not marrying any tall men down the line to help a girl out. When I met him, the first thing I noticed was his height, I mean, he was standing. While I was sitting, when I stood up, he simply laughed and told me I looked like something from a movie.

Question 4. Celebrity look-alike?

"I didn't really have one until I saw Bridgerton. There is a girl on there. She plays Lady Whistletown. I believe her name is Nicola Coughlan. While I was doing a shoot in LA, someone pointed out the fact that we looked so much alike, and I didn't believe them until I saw her. She is slightly taller than me and way older as well. Though it's nice to be compared to her." I stated while smiling, I remember when someone showed me her, and I was like, that's a white woman, until I started to see the similarities. Crazy right? "I don't believe I have one in general, Sunny claims I look like Niki from Enhypen. I don't really see that." I stare at the crew watching many people shake their heads in unison. "See, I told you, it's really the lips and the eyes that make them look similar. They both have pump Bratz doll lips." He chuckles when he hears the comparison, remembering on one of our first dates I had said he reminded me of a Bratz doll while he sat there confused I laughed. "You claim I remind you of that fairy, and we look nothing alike, so we are even, sir." He stops laughing to pull our phone, showing the crew what I'm talking about. "It's not necessarily their looks because besides the small stature and button nose, they don't look alike at all, but they sound so much alike. That's what I noticed when he spoke English, I told her she reminded me of a fairy. I just couldn't remember the movie. Turns out it was an American children's film, I had watched two nights before meeting her."

Question 5. Was marrying a sudden decision?

"In a way, it kinda was, I had never planned on getting married, not just in Korea, though, in general. The idea of marriage was so stupid to me like imagine someone saying I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you never leave me and if you try to it will be a lot of paperwork and pain you have to go through." Woo seok laughed as he heard my explanation of marriage it was always a funny idea to him. He wanted marriage, so we were different in that way. "I met here when I was 31 at the time, so my mother, as well as the elders kn my life kept nagging me to marry someone, but my acting career was doing good and I didn't see myself settling foen until I met her. Though she told me one night she didn't have any intentions to marry me." I placed my head over his mouth and shushed him. "When you say it like that, it sounds bad. Be quiet. It's not like I didn't have intentions to marry him, I just didn't think about marriage in general with anyone. We had been dating for 6 months, and I was afraid to sleep in the bed with him, to be honest. No matter what, I've never been one to plan out my future, I simply live in the moment. Because the future scares me. I laughed, recalling the memory.

Flashback

We had just finished our fate at the amusement park. It was fun, though I was hungry and couldn't wait to get home and eat. Woo seok was driving when I noticed the sky had become blurry and soon rain started to pour, after a while of driving it was coming down hard and he suggested he pull over to his unit. I was completely ok with that until I realized that meant I would have to come inside his home. "It's too dangerous to be driving out in the rain, Sun, we can go up to my apartment and just spend the night." I timidly agreed, I had never spent the night over to a guy's house or anyone for that matter. We walked inside the building, greeting the front receptionist. Then, we made our way to the elevator. Knowing what was to come, I simply stared at the numbers on the elevator, hoping they would go slower.

The sound of the loud ding let me know my wishes remained in vain. We stepped inside the elevator, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend had taken notice of how distance I had become. It wasn't necessarily his fault, I mean, it was he made me nervous as shit. Omg I just swore it was in my head, so it doesn't really count. The elevator came to a stop, breaking me from my thoughts, I watched the tall man fish through his pocket while grabbing my hand with his other to unlock the door for us. He eventually found the key, letting us both inside his flat. While I took my shoes off, he let me know he would get me a change of clothes. I was so tired I didn't feel like showering, and I was glad I didn't wear any makeup today. "Here, baby, I got you some shorts and a shirt. Hopefully, you can fit into this." He stated while he motioned me towards the bathroom to change, letting me know he would be in the kitchen. I quickly took off my clothes and changed into the pair I was given. I walked out of the bathroom to notice he had changed as well, walking around in a pair of pajama pants and a rob on his shoulders, no shirt was seen. This man is trying to kill me, Lord.

I stared at her as she came out of the bathroom, and God, what did I do to deserve such a woman. She was walking around here, looking like sex. She was a beauty. Nothing could make me think differently. I thought those shorts wouldn't fit her, but I guess I forgot how thick she was. Her ass was looking so good in them. I wanted to take a bite fuck, I never knew I was an ass man until I met her. But I had to control myself for her she was my shy baby, after all. "Did you want something to eat, baby?" She nodded her head, and I went to fixing her favorite Ramen. I pulled her closer until I sat her on the counter. She was startled pushing my chest back while looking in the opposite direction for my modesty. How adorable. "Baby, we've been together for a while now. You can look at me without a shirt. I promise I won't get angry." She was thinking too hard anyone could see that, so I grabbed her by the chin, turning her in my direction and pulling her closer again. "I'm all yours."

Present

Question 6- What's sunny stand for?

I turned to her, letting myself get captured by all her beauty. Rubbing her back, I just liked being by her at all times. I had never been a clingy guy until I met Sunny. She brought out a completely different side kd me I didn't know existed. "It stands for like half of my name. It's Sunnybelle. Funny enough, my dad had a thing for fairy-tales as a kid and growing up as well. He made us read them to him, trying to make sure we could read. He claimed that when I was born, the sun was shining so bright like it was never of my birth. And everything fell into place in his life after, with no worries. Extremely exaggerated story thanks to my father, but that's my real government name. I say that because a lot of people think I'm lying when I tell them that." I blushed, realizing Woo seok was still staring at me.

Question 7- Are you excited for everyone to see your show?

We both were thinking about that one. I feel like Woo seok expected this question because he was used to the interviews, though I was working in the fashion industry. No one ever really was interested in questioning me unless it was about my race. "We are super happy that you all will get to see a little of our lives. I say a little because we won't be adding every detail on here. I mean, we must keep certain things private, you know." I nodded to his words agreeing. Certain fans took these types of shows as an invitation to stalk people or just crazy stuff in general. I myself am a very private person, to be honest, so this was a whole new process for me. Though I was ok with it as long as they didn't follow me into the bathrooms or something. I chuckle thinking about how stupid that would be before looking around the room, hoping no one saw me do that. I can literally hear the crazy talking to yourself comments. "He is correct. It will be a fun new experience for all of us. And I hope you all enjoy seeing us live together on this path." I hit Woo seok's arm since he was trying to tickle me on the slide with no one looking.

*Stay tuned for the next chapter*

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[sunshineshobi18]

You Don't Look At Me (part 2)

words: 4.8k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Tommy & Maria are also in there cw: strong languge (but honestly when does that not happen), angst ^^, vague mentions of the events in episode 9 summary: When they finally get back to Jackson, Maria is quickly able to sense the tension between Joel and Lori. Joel tries to defend himself and how he feels about Lori, but things quickly go south when Lori tells him how she actually feels.

note: it feels like an eternity since I put out the last update, but here we go with the next part. Thank you so much for your patience

(prologue) (part 1)

---

The events of the past day felt like a blur to Joel. Or maybe he did remember many things very clearly. The pain, the anger, the surprise and doubt, he remembered all these aspects so vividly. It was only Lori’s presence that felt like clouds in his mind and he felt horrible because of it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly as he looked at the rear view mirror to find Ellie still unconscious on the back seat.

-

Earlier that day he remembered how silent Ellie had been. She often didn’t even hear him talk, but even if she did her answers were short. He had scavenged a few things through the rubble and broken cars and containers that he presented Ellie with a smile. The only reason Lori was so vivid in that memory was because he had come across something for her. Something that had piqued Ellie’s interests.

“Here,” Joel said as he handed Lori the book. Lori accepted it with a weak grip, almost dropping the book. Ellie, who had been sitting in front of Lori, looked at the girl with curious eyes.

“What’s that?” she asked and Joel couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he saw how Ellie had become a bit more lifely. He was worried she had completely changed with everything she had been through, but that same childlike curiosity was still there. Joel had hoped she’d return to her normal self.

Lori shrugged lightly, holding the book up a bit better so Ellie could see the cover. “Sudokus,” Lori told her.

“Why’d you give them to her?” Ellie turned to Joel as she asked him this.

“Used to like them,” Joel said with a nonchalant tone, “Lori, I mean. If we found them during runs, we’d give them to Lori. Kept her busy.”

Ellie chuckled softly at this, finding it an amusing thought, but Joel hadn’t thought it was that funny. “That’s cool. I didn’t know you liked stuff like that,” Ellie told Lori with a brighter smile on her face. It was a smile that broke Lori’s stoic expression and she cracked the slightest of smiles back at Ellie. “I was never able to figure out how they worked. Maybe you could teach me one day.”

Lori’s response came in the form of one slight but firm nod. “Sure.”

-

Joel pushed his head back further in the backseat as he sighed. His eyes were back on the road. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, but there was no answer.

Deciding to stop being so petty and finally start acting like the adult he should be, Joel turned his head to the right. He made a quick mental note of the girl in the passenger's seat before focusing on the view in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened inside the hospital. I never would’ve pointed that gun at you if—” Lori shifted in her seat, her head now facing the window on her right and Joel sighed. “I fucked up, but I’ll make it up to you.”

Silence filled the car once again and this time Joel decided to stay quiet. He didn’t know what to say, afraid that he’d say something wrong. However, Joel was sure he already did. He had pushed Lori’s boundaries over their limits miles earlier in their journey. Though not able to exactly pinpoint when and where that happened, Joel knew that the damage he had done to Lori and his relationship with her was irreversible.

-

By the time Joel and the two girls had reached Wyoming, Joel had explained—lied about—what happened in the hospital, they had stopped to find Ellie some clothes and Lori had not spoken a word.

The older man was aware he wasn’t the best at communicating, but during that hike he realised how bad he was at choosing his time and place to talk about certain things. He hadn’t meant to start talking about Sarah. He hadn’t meant to start comparing Ellie with Sarah, but he was just so overjoyed with the fact that Ellie was there with him. Safe and by his side. It was just that when he turned around to seek confirmation from Ellie, that his eyes darted past the girl and landed on Lori. Her head was turned down, her eyes focused on her feet and if Joel’s eyes were better he’d be able to confirm whether the shine on her cheeks and the drop hanging from her nose were tears or sweat. He hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was the former.

Joel stumbled a bit as he lost his footing, his attention completely on Lori. Ellie gasped at the sudden erratic movement when she almost walked into Joel. Joel caught her by the shoulders before leaning in closer. “Ellie, you go on and walk ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” Ellie was about to question him, but when she looked up she noticed he was looking at something behind her. She followed his gaze and saw Lori saunter behind them, her stare mostly fixed into the floor. Ellie nodded and with a pat on her shoulder, Joel sent her to walk in front of them.

“Hey, kid.” Joel’s tone was cautious as he approached Lori. She didn’t look up at him. “I uhm… I want to say I’m sorry.” Lori didn’t answer. “Again,” he added with a sigh. “I know I’ve been unfair towards you, but I promise I’m not doing this on purpose. I—”

“Let’s just get to Jackson.”

Joel’s breath hitched at the girl’s cold and short words. “We will, but I just want to apologise first and—”

Lori looked up at Joel. It was the first time in a while that they had made direct eye contact and it was jarring to say the least. Lori’s eyes were red, the skin around them wet and irritated. “Once we get to Jackson, I’ll stay out of your business.”

“Lori, that’s not what I want,” Joel said. He sounded lost and the guilt must’ve been so audible in how he spoke.

“Let’s just continue.” 

And that’s what they did.

-

By night time the three had arrived back in Jackson. Maria and Tommy had invited them in for dinner. The public dining hall was done serving food for the night and Maria didn’t want to send Joel and the two girls to bed starving.

They all wish she had.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Maria and Tommy had asked the group how their journey had been and so they told what happened, although with many holes in their story. It was also fairly clear to the couple that something was wrong with Lori. She hadn’t really said anything, but hummed and offered short answers in response to whatever had been asked.

“Hey!” Tommy chuckled awkwardly after silence filled his kitchen. “At least you’ve seemed to have grown closer.”

Joel pressed his eyes closed and with a sigh he rested his head in one of his hands. Ellie cringed, grimacing as soon as those words left Tommy’s mouth and Lori dropped her fork—she was only really using it to pick at her food.

Maria was quick to pick up on everything. The plot holes quickly being filled by the context she’d been given in front of her. She made eye contact with Ellie, who seemed to understand what she was conveying and shared a quick nod with her. “Hey Ellie, maybe you should head back already. I had Tommy drop off some stuff and heat the house while I was finishing dinner.” Ellie didn’t need to be asked twice as she ran out the house to the house across.

Maria waited till the echo of the front door being slammed shut stopped ringing through the room before speaking up again. “So let’s talk this out. Hmm?”

Joel looked up with wide eyes, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Lori remained looking at her plate of barely touched food. “I don’t know—”

“Oh, come on Joel. I might not know what’s going on, but I’m not blind or stupid.” Maria turned to Lori. “She hasn’t said anything the whole night and you haven’t even looked at her. I’d be upset too if the man I’d known for years doesn’t ask me if I’m okay while laughing and talking with the girl he’s known for barely a year. It’s like you don’t care.”

Maria’s words seemed to spark something in Lori as she looked up at her with big, shining eyes. Lori chuckled softly before she spoke, “wow, I guess it’s not only me who noticed.” The young girl faked a smile, but her face clearly showed how hurt she felt. Maria looked at Lori with a soft yet sad smile.

“I do care!” Joel shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.

“Really felt like it when you pointed that gun at me.” The young girl’s voice was laced with sarcasm. Joel had barely the time to respond when Tommy and Maria looked at him in horror.

“You did what?” Tommy yelled.

Joel shook his head rapidly and made an attempt to explain the situation. “I was trying to get to Ellie and Lori just ended up being there.”

“There you go, bringing up Ellie again.” Lori rolled her eyes before she looked at Joel. “Joel, I told you… You don’t have to act like you care about me. It’s clear that you don’t.”

“But I do,” Joel insisted as he walked to the other side of the table and sat in the chair next to her. He turned her chair facing it towards him and grabbed her by her forearms. “I really fucking do.”

“Then you should’ve shown me,” Lori whispered. “And I don’t mean by giving me a book with already filled-in sudokus because you faintly remember Tess looking out for those for me.”

Joel sighed once again and lowered his head. “Tell me how to show you and I will. I’ll do everything—”

“It’s too late,” Lori said. Her walls were breaking as she could only show Joel a watery smile before trying to escape his grasp. “All you had to do was look at me. You had to think of me. You had to not be so willing to think I was dead when we were in situations that rationally would’ve had me dead.” Joel hesitantly let go of Lori’s left arm as she used her already freed right hand to pry his fingers away from her. “All you had to do was a fraction of what you’re doing for Ellie and I would be fine.” Tears filled Lori’s eyes as she stood up. She looked at Joel and he looked at her. It was the first time he had looked at her with genuine emotion, although it was more likely he felt guilt than actual care for her.

“When you and Tess found me back then… I thought I had a second chance for a family and for a while I really felt like I had. When Tess died, I thought I’d still have you, but I realised that Tess was the only family I had left,” Lori explained with her voice trembling. “A father—” Lori’s breath hitched and she placed a hand on her chest as if she was in pain. “And I know I’m not your daughter, but a father is allowed to fuck up. He’s allowed to make mistakes if only at the end of the day he takes responsibility, he shows he cares and he makes an effort. And I’ve been really fucking patient with you to start making an effort, but it’s too late now.”

Joel’s vision started to blur as he heard the pain laced in every word that left Lori’s mouth. “I know I don’t deserve it, but give me one last chance.”

Lori shook her head from side to side, denying his plea. “It’s okay if you don’t care. Just, please let yourself come to terms with it. Stop making yourself believe that you care because you feel obligated to care. I rather—” Lori cut her words short as she felt a sob rising in her throat. She turned to Maria and without any words exchanged, the older woman placed a hand on the small of Lori’s back and ushered her upstairs, inviting her to stay at her house.

Joel and Tommy watched the two figures retreat before looking at each other. It was clear in Tommy’s disapproving look, that the younger of the two brothers had a lot to say. Joel braced himself for the scolding he deserved, but it never came.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

Tommy scoffed, turning towards the stove in the kitchen. He grabbed a kettle, filled it with water and prepared two mugs. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course it isn’t,” Joel groaned in an almost annoyed tone and joined Tommy’s side. “Of course I don’t want you to yell at me, but I can see there’s so much you want to say.”

Tommy turned stiffly to face his older brother and asked, “you know who else had a lot to say?” He answered his own question by looking towards the stairs where Lori had appeared earlier. “Lori is a smart girl. She knows what the problem is. She knows how you can fix it and she can guide you every step of the way, but she doesn’t. You know why?” Joel shook his head ‘no’. “Because it would hurt. It would hurt both of you and she’d do anything, but hurt you.”

“How’d you know?” Joel asked weary.

“Because I look at her! I listen to her! And I can fucking see how much she cares about you. How much she needs you—”

“She doesn’t need me!” Joel yelled back at his brother. The older of the two was heaving as he was reminded of a painful memory of a loved one he lost. “Tess, told me so. Lori and Tess never needed me.”

“Maybe! Maybe in the past she didn’t, but now she does. Everyone needs someone and all she has is you! Poor girl needed someone and her only option was this fucking asshole!” Tommy yelled as he shoved his brother back a little. “This fucking jerk, while there are so many people out there that would’ve loved to take care of her.”

Joel scowled, hiding his guilt behind an unstable wall of his anger. “Then you fucking take her—”

“Oh wouldn’t that be easy,” Tommy chuckled. “Break her, put her through all your bullshit and then drop her onto someone else.”

“What do you want me to do?” Joel’s bassy voice echoed through the whole house. Tommy shook his head in disbelief and turned to fill the two mugs with tea. “What do you want me to fucking do?” Joel repeated more aggressively.

“Get out,” Tommy ordered lowly before turning to Joel. “Leave this house and leave Lori alone. Go be a father for Ellie, because that’s what you want so badly. And never bat a fucking eye at Lori again. I swear to God—”

“Guys!” Maria stood at the bottom of the stairs, a disapproving look on her face. “We can hear you from upstairs,” Maria sighed as she joined the two men in the kitchen with an annoyed frown on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Joel apologised coldly, pressing his lips shut to contain all the things he wanted to yell at his brother.

Maria took her place next to Tommy and wrapped her arms around his bicep. “Tommy’s right, Joel. I think it’s best for you to stay away from Lori—”

“What? Don’t you realise I’m trying to set things right.”

Maria and Tommy shared defeated gazes. “Let’s just say you tried enough and it’s not working.” Though Maria’s gaze was soft, her tone was firm and final. “You should leave now. It’s late.”

Ignoring the man’s lost expression, Maria grabbed one of the now tea-filled mugs on the kitchen counter while Tommy grabbed the other one to bring it up to Lori. Tommy turned off the small light above the kitchen counter before he followed Maria up the stairs, leaving Joel in the now dark room downstairs.

-

It had been a week since that night. The night Joel, Ellie and Lori arrived in Jackson. Most of the week Joel and Lori wouldn’t see each other, outside of the occasional glances when they saw each other in the dining hall or somewhere outside.

That whole week Maria and Tommy had been taking care of Lori, although she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. They just provided her with some meals, a warm place to sleep and running water. In exchange Lori would help clean around the house and cook dinner when Maria was tired and Tommy was out on patrol. Still, she didn’t talk much to the adults, clearly not as attached to them as she was to Joel at some point.

“Just one lunch okay?” Maria asked, leading Lori down the dining hall. The young girl looked at her with a look that was anything but willing to go through with Maria’s plan. “I promise you that if you don’t like it, you can just leave. I’ll be at the bar in case anything happens.”

With a groan, Lori gave in. She settled down at an empty table and grabbed a book of sudokus to keep her busy as she waited. Maria left her with a thumbs up and a bright smile, heading towards the bar a few metres away from her.

“You like those?” Lori looked up to find a man—probably in his forties or fifties—pointing at her book. He had a kind face, although he looked tired. His glasses enlarged his green-grey eyes making him look anything but threatening. Lori nodded wordlessly in response. “I— I’m Robert. Maria told you about me, right?” Lori nodded again. “Can I sit down?” She nodded.

At first the tension between the two was palpable. They sat in awkward silence, with Lori buried into her book of number puzzles and Robert examining her carefully. Each time Lori made a movement Robert’s eyes darted away for a moment, in case she would notice him staring.

A minute later, Robert couldn’t take the silence anymore. The growing noise that filled the dining hall made him anxious, as if it was urging him to make conversation with the girl. “I—” He started, gaining Lori’s attention, however, he didn’t know what to say. “Are you hungry?” Lori looked around, noticing that the people at tables around her were already eating. She nodded with a shrug. “Stay here, I’ll get you food.” Before Lori could answer, Robert stood up to get the both of them food.

Lori’s eyes followed the man and landed on Maria. The older woman gave her a look which told her that she was a bit disappointed in the lack of Lori’s input in the conversation. Lori pressed her lips together and sighed before nodding at Maria. “I’ll try,” she mouthed at Maria which Maria responded to with a thank you.

Robert returned with two plates full of food. Lori couldn’t help but notice that the plate he put in front of her had more food on it. She didn’t question it however and just thanked Robert in a quiet whisper. Robert gasped with wide eyes causing Lori to look at him in surprise. Quickly his face turned red before he shook his head dismissively. “It’s just that this is the first time you spoke to me. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Lori quickly told him and Robert’s anxious front quickly melted. He smiled at her softly and it was something in his eyes that made it so that Lori couldn’t look away. She felt comforted just by the way he looked at her with so much care. Suddenly the warm feeling became so overwhelming, Lori quickly looked down at her food.

Lunch continued in silence for a while with Robert finishing his food first. He waited until Lori was on her last few bites when he placed his hand on the book Lori had carried with her. “You’re pretty good at these,” he told her as he picked up the book and looked at the cover. “Easy seems too easy for you. I have some advanced puzzles at home that you can have.”

Lori looked at him with big eyes causing Robert to chuckle. “You seem interested,” he laughed and Lori couldn’t help but chuckle as well.

“Do you also like them?” Lori asked softly.

“Sure. I was a maths professor before all this, but it was really my son who loved puzzles like these.” Robert’s smile faded once he clocked Lori’s expression. “Oh yeah, I had a son about your age. I didn’t mean to bring it up and make you uncomfortable—”

“It’s fine!” Lori suddenly yelled, causing Robert to jump a bit in his seat. “I mean… I’m sorry for your loss. I just didn’t know that— I hope you don’t feel obligated because of Maria—”

“Hey,” Robert said to interrupt Lori who had started talking more quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Maria told me she was looking for a family that could take you in. My wife and I have two free rooms, we know how to handle kids, although Kevin really was a handful sometimes,” he chuckled at that. “We’re just trying to see if you feel comfortable around me and if not that’s fine.”

“You don’t think I’m trying to replace him? Your son,” Lori asked with her brows furrowing in something akin to shame.

Robert quickly denied her claim, confusion filling his tone as he responded with, “why would you think that? My wife and I love Kevin, he can never be replaced, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of another kid. I mean, you can basically take care of yourself. All we want to do is offer you a place you feel comfortable.”

Lori’s cheeks had reddened completely at that point. The two of them were only supposed to get to know each other and see how things went, but Lori felt like she had accelerated the conversation to a point beyond where they should’ve been. Maria and Tommy would have a baby at some point and with Lori taking up the only free room in the house, there wouldn’t be enough space for all four of them. Besides, Lori didn’t feel like she really belonged with Maria and Tommy. The children's home—for kids who had arrived in Jackson alone or just didn’t have any adult relatives—wasn’t a great fit either. Lori didn’t get along with many of the kids her age because she had a “reputation”. She didn’t know what the kids said about her, but it was clear in the way they eyed her that it wasn’t pleasant.

Talking about moving into Robert’s house so early in their relationship wasn’t ideal, but Lori couldn’t help it. She didn’t realise she craved parental care as much as she did. She had always thought it was only Joel she wanted, but she realised that anyone would do as long as they cared. Robert seemed to care. And maybe it was because Lori reminded him of his deceased son Kevin, but she didn’t care. She felt connected to Robert and her inner child just wanted to cling on to the hope that she found someone who cared about her.

“Lori?” Lori’s eyes snapped up when she realised Robert had been calling for her for a while. “Maria is signalling you’re about to leave. Let’s talk again tomorrow, hmm? I’ll see if Julia can come along. I’m sure she’d love you and I hope you’ll like her as well. I’ll also bring some sudokus if you want?” Lori felt overwhelmed, still, but she nodded. “Hey.” Robert’s tone was softer now. “Don’t think about moving or anything like that yet. I don’t want you to feel pressured. We’re just getting to know each other and if at any moment you don’t like it—”

“I like it,” Lori squeed and Robert couldn’t hide the fatherly smile on his face. “I mean that I like this so far. It feels…” Robert nodded knowing exactly what Lori wanted to say and it surprised her. She had always had to explain herself to Joel, especially in the later years, but Robert just got her.

They parted ways that afternoon and Tommy couldn’t believe his eyes as Lori and Maria came back home, the younger girl beaming and smiling like he had never seen before.

-

“Joel?” Ellie’s voice sounded loudly through the house the second Joel started to put on his boots at the front door. “Can you pick up some soap and maybe a new towel at the trading post today? We’re kinda running out.”

“And you’ve been scrubbing your body too hard with that towel that you need a new one?” There was a slight raise in octave as Joel spoke, his joking and playful side not letting the chance to tease Ellie go past him. Hearing the annoyed groan coming from upstairs made Joel chuckle, knowing he was successful in getting on the girl’s nerves again. He’d call it payback for all the times she’d annoyed him. “I’ll see if I can find some stuff!”

With that he was out the door and heading towards the trading post.

It was a lot more packed that day since a group of patrollers had seemingly hit the jackpot with the place they had basically raided the night before. The people of Jackson were haggling to get the best value out of their trades and Joel just watched from a bit further away as he waited for his best “toiletries trader” to finish his trades with the five women before him in line.

Joel was posted up against a thick support beam, he trusted to hold his weight. His eyes continued to scan the multiple trading stalls set out to see if anything else caught his attention. Something— no, someone certainly did.

“Look at the smile on that kid.” The cheery voice next to Joel’s voice startled the man, causing him to jump back a little. Just beside him stood Tommy with a dumb smile. “I bet it’s been years since you’ve seen her like that. Couldn’t be because of you, hmm?”

Joel examined his brother’s face before scoffing. “Is this entertaining to you?”

Tommy chuckled, turned his head to give his brother a nod and then turned his head back to watch Lori who was excitingly skimming through different hair accessories.

“Whatever,” Joel sighed and joined where Tommy’s gaze fell. “Lori has never shown interest in stupid things like that. How was I supposed to know that was what she—”

“It’s not for her.” Joel could practically hear the sadistic joy in Tommy’s voice as he spoke. Tommy cared for his brother—there was no doubt about it—but he felt like Joel deserved to feel every ounce of guilt and pain after everything Lori put up with because of him.

Joel’s face fell further, if that was even possible, when he saw a man walk up to Lori. His ears weren’t the best, but he could hear everything when that man told her “Julia would love this.”

And Lori’s response sounded even clearer as she replied with, “that’s good. I wish I could gift her something better for taking me into your guys’ house.”

“You’re already a gift, Lori.”

Joel’s heart sank as Lori smiled up at the man with the brightest smile. The same smile she had always given Tess. The same smile he had been on the receiving end for only a handful of times, but he, at that moment, realised he had always taken it for granted.

“Robert and Julia are taking Lori in so I guess you’re welcome back into our home,” Tommy said so nonchalantly. “I mean, it doesn’t seem like Lori is coming back to me. She’s been enjoying their company. They’re good people.”

Although Tommy wanted to rub it in that Lori had moved on from Joel, Tommy also wanted Joel to know that the people that were taking care of her were to be trusted and would never hurt her. Tommy wanted Joel to know that if there was even a tiny piece in Joel that wanted to make things right with Lori and possibly bring her back to him—though, he highly doubted that—Joel had lost his chance and there was no reason for him to even try.

Joel didn’t realise Tommy had left as his eyes were focused on the way Lori’s cheeks and ears became red. “I—” she stuttered as she looked up at the man, who Joel newly found out was called Robert.

Robert reached over her shoulder and grabbed a second hair clip, one that matched the one they had picked out for Julia. “Here,” he said as he clipped the accessory into Lori’s hair. “As a ‘thank you’ for trusting us and letting us take care of you. And that’s what we’ll do until you get sick of us.” Robert and Lori both laughed at his words. “We’ll take care of you.”

---

taglist: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @midgetpottermills

note: I don't do permanent taglists atm (I actually don't do taglists in general, but I thought why not since I was asked) so if you want to be tagged in a future part of this you'll have to just message me or comment and I'll keep note of that.

[tokillamockingbird427]

I finally remembered to Mich post at a convenient time. (Get it? Mich post? Sounds like shit post?)

Mich is an OC I created with @callofdooty and he is a massive meme! Half of the shit we gave to him character-wise was done with the thought "This would be funny." and we were 1) Right 2) Also somehow added depth+feels to it.

Mich, pronounced like Mitch, is actually named Michael. Full name, Michael Rorke. And he is Gabriel Rorke's older brother. Oh no, there's two of them! *Screaming* (Credit to Doot for naming him, the genius.)

Read more insert/cut off due to length

Mich and Gabe grew up in a classically patriotic household, and were pretty close siblings, even with the latter having a temper for everyone. (Mich has a scar on his chin/side of his mouth because Gabe whipped a rock at him once.) Unfortunately, Mich was a bit of a black sheep and felt he didn't really fit in with his family, for various reasons. So once he could leave, he did, and just never really looked back. Which left Gabe feeling abandoned. (Mich's reasons range from not vibing with his parents authoritarian structure to being queer+trans and them not really being the best people to support that.)

After he was out of the house Mich went on to live his best life. He is best described as an anarchist weed-head woods-hermit survivalist. Quite the description! My favorite idea for him was that he'd live in "No Man's Land" post ODIN because the only government presence is the military, who doesn't really bother with random people in the woods.

Here's where the depth comes in: We decided the reason Gabe is the way he is, Americas ugliest lap-dog, is because he was upset with Mich for leaving and more or less rebelling against him for it. (I have a quote to sum it up "Rebellion for Mich was running away from their parents. Rebellion for Gabe was running away from Mich.") Mich didn't really intend to abandon Gabe, it's more or less something that happened and only tried to correct once they were both adults. (Which didn't really work out well. Gabe is very iffy with him.)

Now there's not a lot more to his "canon" because he just gets tossed into various scenarios and then reacts, but I do have a list of what are more-or-less "fun facts" about him.

Mich fun facts: -Isn't bald, unlike Gabe, but does keep his hair on the shorter side. -Regularly dyes his hair random colors and patterns, the latter of which he free hands. (Has never in his life set foot in a salon. Somehow hair hair isn't crunchy.) -Likes to use "Pal" and "Little buddy" whereas Gabe is always using "Jr" and "Kid" -Wrinklier and smilier version of his brother. They look hella alike, to the point that he wigs Hesh out when they first meet. -100% can and will adopt Hesh. That's his lil guy. Logan is not exempt from this either. -Has zero problem with Gabe joining the Federation. Is more upset about the whole "Murdering his homoerotic "best friend" and traumatizing both his sons" thing. -Fluent in Spanish+Portuguese. -Has no formal military training but finds no problem wielding firearms or finding himself in combat. (I mean, he lives in NML. That place always got some kinda battle. You gotta know some fighting skills.) -Bandannas and cowboy hats are his favorite headgear. -Keeps photos of him and Gabe on his person. -Constantly jokes that his full name is actually "Michigan" and that's what "Mich" is short for. -Performed his own top surgery. /J -Very laid back personality, though he's smart enough to know when/if he needs to be more serious/strict. -Incredibly annoyed that Rorke kinda stole their last name like it's his first name. -Very aware of whatever Elias and Gabe have/had going on. Very amused by it. -"Protect trans kids" flag in his front room. -Has multiple spouses. Romantically or just legally has yet to be decided. Not that he'd tell anyone. -Has kids. Mini Mich's causing chaos. (Just don't ask where the kids came from, mf made them from clay for all we know.) -Mich and Merrick are besties. (At the very least, Mich is the person Merrick tolerates the most. Outside Hesh.) -For all the quirks he really is just some fucking guy. -Daniel and The Cooler Daniel meme.

[tblsomedoodles]

I dont know if anyone has asked yet in regards to your adopted donnie au, but how was donnie sent back to his dimension and how did donnie take it when he was told he HAD to go?

I know that donnie was aware that he came from a different dimension since he was 7, but did it ever occur to him that reuniting with his brothers wasn't going to be like shared parenting? That he was expected to stay in that dimension?

I may have said this before, but it's probably been a while and i will not be able to find that ask even if i wanted to lol.

but quick answer, Uncle Don created a Return Portal of sorts, that's only purpose was to return things to their original dimensions. That's what was used to send him home.

They were always pretty open with Dee on the fact that he would be going back to his own dimension (even before dimensions was explained to him.) so that wasn't much of a surprise. And i think the original plan was to make a 2 way portal so they could visit every once in a while. But Uncle Don had so much trouble just getting the return portal to work, he didn't think he'd have a 2 way one done in time.

i think Uncle Don had that portal done six months to a year before Dee actually went through it, simply b/c Dee refused to. He wanted to see his siblings again, but not at the cost of his 03 family. So he made a compromise with his Uncle, saying he'd help him build a portal that worked both ways, but if it wasn't done by the time he was fifteen, he'd go through the Return Portal.

But a little after Dee turned fourteen, there was an attack on the lair. A big one, who's main goal was killing the adults and capturing Dee (bishop and hob worked together for this.) The only thing Raphie and the others could think of to keep Dee safe was to yeet him through the Return Portal before he could be hurt. and that's how Dee, very upsetingly, ended up back in Rise.

Long story short, had they had the time, they'd probably have been able to make a 2 way portal, but the situation forced their hands and Dee had to be sent back alone. Which is something Dee does not handle well.

Thank you!

[zhongrin]

Zhongli asking you to marry him

You, thinking he tripped and is kneeing cuz of that rn

🤸 we both are quite oblivious lmao

Ajfodhjdodbeiei so cute, you fell first and he fell harder, I'm gonna cry why is this selfship so cute coshbsjsjsjbridj I would just go to yo teahouse to watch you and Zhongli <33 💞💞

HELP THE MORAX CONFESSION, oh, but what happened to these rocks and pebbles then? Did ya lose them? </3

And awhh glaze lilies are so beautiful, he surely said something like

"These glaze lilies are for you. They are beautiful, aren't they? But you, my sweetheart, are far more beautiful. You are beautiful than any gem I have ever seen in my lifetime, I already know this since the first time I met you.. hundreds of years ago. Just as these glaze lilies - you will shine like them in my memories.. you will forever. No matter what."

LMAO KAVEH 🤸🤸 BYEEEEE

And Alhaithams wording 😭 I CANT

And both confessions sound good! But yes I can understand why ya can't decide 🧘

So who fell first and who fell harder in Meitham then? 💞

Andjfkdbsjiebdjs you don't have to ship it if ya don't want to!! No pressure, but you're most welcome to do so!! 💞

Baizhu and me be like: 🧑‍🦯 love? Where?

Although another reason why Baizhu didn't want to confess at first was his illness. He knew that he can't offer me a long future with him together and he didn't want to hurt me 🤸

To the confession; I like to imagine that Baizhu and I have quite a special spot - it's on the mountains near Liyue Harbor. We often sit down there and watch the stars, and also the lights of Liyue Harbor. But we both know that the best view there is the other one who is sitting right besides us <3 (in other words, for me - Baizhu is the best view; and for him - I am the best view)

Yes

On confession day, it was also quite similiar to that - but with the difference that many flowers were blooming there and I was like "?? Baizhu what's happening?"

Yes, then he tucked a selfmade Violetgrass in my hair and confessed kfbdjejebejeisjsn

Like something like

"As these flowers around us are blooming - so is my love and adoration for you. I am quite conscious about the short time I have left, but I would be more than glad to get to spend it with you, as my lovely girlfriend."

Dkdbdksieibdjdidb

Watch me fainting 🤸

wheezes pls now i'm imagining my friends just coming into the teahouse and being like: *sips tea while looking at zhongli and mei being all lovey dovey with each other* "good tea and free entertainment, don't mind if i yes."

the morax confession will always be my blackmail teasing material heheheh

oh don't worry, zhongli has a treasure hoard where he would keep my belongings after i pass away in every lifetime - the confession items (whichever ones that are still intact) have a special place there 😌

*lies on floor* pLEASE IM SO WEAK TO THE "SHINE IN MY MEMORIES" LINE WHSLDJFLSFHSUE why does this man have such eloquent way of speaking i can't with him sobsob

who fell first, i wonder. hmmmmm.

you know what, i'm gonna say young al haitham, being the little boy who generally just liked his books and nothing else, fell first. it's just a puppy crush at first, ofc, and it kinda mellowed out as we grow up, but it's there. i can see myself being too focused on academics when i was younger, so i'd fall second, but way harder because 1) ✨teenager hormones✨, 2) boy had a growth spurt and a glow up, so much so that teenage!meirin is suddenly very self-aware about how attractive her best friend is hsljdfklsd

but yeah, now that we're adults, it just feels so normal to have the other around, which is why it's also so much harder to admit that we're in love love 😭

NO SHUSH I AM SHIPPING IT BC I SHIP ALL MY FRIENDS WITH THEIR F/OS OK IT'S JUST WHAT I DO AND YOU SHALL NOT STOP ME /lh /silly

sobbb a special spot... and you being the best view of each other *slams hand against floor* LORD REX LAPIS HELP ME THAT IS SO CUTEEEEE ;w; i can see baizhu exerting himself a little whenever he had to climb those mountains but it's all worth it because he gets to be with you, alone, undisturbed... momentarily forgetting about everything else and just basking in your presence <3

HE'S SUCH A ROMANTIC AAAAAAAAA *head in hands* *kicking my feet giggling* that is the most adorable endearing thing i am. i am unwell hsdlfkjshoawjdaugheladnugeanduasgeiald /pos

changsheng upon seeing you two holding hand when you went back to bubu pharmacy: "FINALLY. PRAISE BE REX LAPIS."

i can also see you both just being guardian figures to qiqi... oh my gods... baizhu seeing you sit with qiqi and patiently helping her organize her notebooks and he feels himself fall in love all over again <3 <3 <3

[webbymom]

So, on the way to the bookstore...

Just popping on totally randomly and after many years to say a couple of things sims-related. Well, really to rant a bit, about a couple of things sims-related... ;)

I just spent over $100 CAD on a couple-or-so kits, and the two newest TS4 EP's - High School Years (since I'd passed on that earlier, and, of course, Growing Together). I was very excited for the new worlds, the new gameplay, and getting some more clutter in my game. FINALLY. After a couple of years of not really having much interest left in TS4, I was excited to get the whole, intense, deep, family mojo going - baby, infant, toddler, child, teen with high school, young adult with Uni, young adult with job/marriage/kids, start all over again...

I'm sorry to say that I was disappointed. Not really by the kits, they are what they are, but by the EP's. I played through HS Years while awaiting the arrival of GT, and it was OK, I guess. To be honest, I was hoping to explore more with a new "legacy" type of family once GT came out. But I suffered from MANY crashes once I'd finally downloaded it.

To be fair, I struggled with the game crashing due to mods - but I didn't put them in until they'd been updated. I spent four days starting over and over, testing and testing, with mods that were supposedly updated, but obviously something was wrong... I literally started FOUR FAMILIES in that time, ended up chucking all mods out the window (ooooh, the pain of build/buy without cheats!), and starting again.

It went OK - but I was so DONE by then. Sad, really.

None of THAT was EA's fault. Not at all. But here's the thing I noticed whilst starting over and over and over...

San Sequoia is barren. Empty. Lifeless. Like, you can't even search for frogs or fish there. There are no collectibles that I am aware of in the world AT ALL. (correct me if I'm wrong...)

Apart from collectibles, there also aren't that many people around to befriend/romance/marry - like, they're all adults or older and already paired up, for the most part. I don't know how I'd start a single, YA sim out and find someone to make a life with! I really don't - I tried! I had to move them to Willow Creek!

Literally, I gave up and moved my last sim from my last attempt to Potter's Splay in Willow Creek. Frick San Sequoia, I said. I can always visit the rec center just as easily by a loading screen from Willow Creek as I can from down the frickin' road!

My sim met Zoe Patel - she was serving drinks at the local bar. He romanced her REAL FAST LIKE and they got married within 24 hours and very quickly had a baby. Which then turned into my FOURTH infant in this fiasco. And we are on the way AGAIN to making some milestones.

(Poor little gal still hasn't gotten to the high chair yet, as did 2 of my other infants in this journey... )

Life was better - Zoe could trot around her neighbourhood, even while pregnant, and gather flowers and mushrooms and dug up stuffz to make a bit of side cash while hubby was off at work... And I realized that the RICHNESS of those two original neighbourhoods were never really matched in later EP's - except for Windenburg, they did a pretty good job on that one. Again, still early on.

I've heard that they are all worried about computers and how more worlds means more resources used and how they have to keep all those stats down for those who play on lower-end machines.

Well, folks, here's the thing. I've PAID for a higher-end machine. I know not everyone can, I get that. But I have one. And, for once in the last two years, I was looking forward to a pack that I now feel was hyped up beyond what it would do or give me, which was dumbed down, specs-wise, so that everyone under the sun could play the game. In the end, this long-time simmer feels shorted. I wanted to like the world. I wanted to play in it long-term. But you can't even get a decent-sized lot to build on, let alone one that faces the sun for the right times of day so you can bloody well see what the frick you're building or living in! The life has been sucked right out of it, which is sad, being as all the screenshots were so pretty. But why have an entire wharf when you don't even have a fishing spot on it? Why have parks and "empty areas" when there are no collectibles to find? No secret portals to other places to discover? Oh, and the "secrets" of San Sequoia are just folks telling you about their gender preference or how to be OK with some bad news you got???

Seriously. I can't even.

Know what I did? I opened up The Sims 3. And guess what?

So. Much. Better.

I'll write a new post about that later, since this one is long enough. ;)

[gmanwhore]

So, my silly guy is from the «Отроки Во Вселенной» (lit. “Teens In The Universe”, I don’t think there’s an official English translation of any kind) duology of films which released in Russia (my home country!) waaay back in 1973 (my parents watched it when they were kids, and it was already considered a kinda old film when they did). He is technically only ever referred to as «Исполняющий Особые Обязанности» or И.О.О. for short, the most literal translation as far as I know is ‘person who performs special duties’ but the only English wiki that exists for the films lists him as the ‘Extraordinary Service Executive’ which sounds a lot cleaner so I’ll be calling him ESE from now on!

This is him in the opening moments of the first film, in which he immediately shatters the fourth wall by addressing the audience directly. He tells us that this film is not, in fact, irrelevant to real events and in fact takes place “…летом будущего года. Я не оговорился” (lit. “…in the summer of a future year. I did not stutter/misspeak.”), establishing himself as both a being that transcends time and space and a meta entity aware that he has an audience!

(I drew two versions of him in this scene, one has him with human eyes, the other has his Overseer eyes on full display because, again, in my universe ESE is none other that G’ himself)

The first film basically has him teleporting around (and this is the early 70s, no editing/special effects were used to show his teleportation, it was all clever camera work!) ‘nudging’ things if you will, to set up an expedition of six particularly intelligent teenagers to a planet near a star in the constellation Cassiopeia that humanity suspects houses intelligent life. He possesses this mysterious but also quite approachable demeanor (which is why in my extended universe he is a G’ long after his time in the HL universe who is already familiar with humanity), he sometimes communicates by handing the main characters files marked with ‘Совсем Секретно’ (lit. ‘Completely Secret’, a joke on ‘Совершенно Секретно’, which is the formal way of saying ‘too secret’ in Russian, implying that he has a sense of humor about the situation!). He also helps/lets a seventh kid get into the spaceship, and while this seventh guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, ESE is implied to believe in him because he does have a lot of heart and ends up being important to the team.

The reason the main characters need to be so young is because the planet is really far away and will be adults by the time they reach it, but an accident happens and they accidentally reach the planet still as teenagers, and while it’s unknown wether or not ESE planned this I believe he is implied to have done so, especially with how cheekily he explains it to the adults back on Earth when he teleports in on them celebrating one of the kids’ 40th birthday that is, in fact, his 14th birthday out in space (he changes the number on the cake from 40 to 14 and everything, my silly reality bender being extra, I love him!!/p)

And here’s where I distract you a little by throwing in a little extra scrap of evidence for why I think G’ was inspired by ESE: half-life isn’t the only game with subtle ties to these films. You know how in Portal 2 if an AI hears a paradox they can’t stop thinking about it and break down! Well ‘Teens In The Universe’ gives its robot enemies (the sentient species on the distant planet ends up needing to get saved from the robots they created that went rogue and now want to brainwash everyone) a very similar weakness, but with a popular Russian children’s rhyme/pun (it’s impossible to literally translate without the point being lost so I’m better off not confusing you but my point still stands.) Portal subverts this because the ‘boss’ robots in TITU are immune to this trick because they’re too advanced and understand puns, but Wheatley is immune to paradoxes because he’s too stupid to recognize them as paradoxes!

Anyway, ESE shows genuine concern for how the adults involved are worried sick about their children being possibly lost in space, so he reassures them by showing them a transmission of how the children are both okay and in contact with an alien civilization by holding up an ordinary metal box. He admits his methods are ‘un-scientific for your time’, further implying that he himself is unbound from time and space and bringing up the idea that things perfectly logical and understandable to an advanced enough civilization may seem like magic to the people of today! He apologizes for being unable to do more, but states that he is ‘searching, investigating, hoping’, implying that he does want to help more but is, like someone else we know, bound by ‘certain restrictions’!

Also ESE accidentally ends the transmission by sneezing like an anime girl. This is VERY important.

The next time we see ESE is in the final scene of the film, after the distant planet is saved. The kids get super excited to see him, they naturally ask a ton of questions as to why and how he ended up here but he waves them all off with ‘долг службы’ (which I translate as ‘by duty of service’, implying that he works for someone else… he has Employers!!). He hands them one final envelope marked with ‘Совсем Секретно’, which contains a note supposedly written by himself that contains only the words «Не пора ли на Землю, друзья?», which translate to “Is it not time to go to Earth, my friends?”. The film cuts off shortly thereafter, but I think this means he teleported them back to Earth when they got back on their spaceship. I think after all this, he’d figure another little ‘nudge’ to make sure they see their families again wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Some fans of the films argue ESE’s existence weakens the narrative. I STRONGLY disagree. He’s an interesting character in his own right, a living mystery, a meta device with a soul, the intrigue around him is alive even today, after 50 years. He’s silly. I love him. He’s also the G-Man I don’t take constructive criticism.

OK BUT LIKE THAT IS SO COOL AND AWESOME AND AAAAAA

[trollocs-ooc]

2 13 16

2. Already answered here, sort of

13.Do they enjoy poetry?

No, but that's cus i dont read poetry

16.Do they have or want kids?

Ok so trolls don't traditionally HAVE kids to raise, but apart from 2/11 I'll talk abt it like theyd be thinking about that at some point in life

Second and Eleven have Slashr, obviously. Second likes kids but is bad with them and Eleven doesnt like kids but is good with them. Second was thrilled to have Slashr to raise but Eleven did not want thst at all at first. He got used to it eventually though.

Slashr .... probably has a complicated thought process about it. They would know they wouldn't be a good parent.

Kullie would not want kids and would not be a good parent. She's supposed to be the baby.

TA should not be around kids.

The Dehorner, Twelve, The Man Himself. He is a very evil individual but on a paternal scale i feel like he'd actually be....decent? maybe somewhat good even? Not in instilling moral and good values, but in a caring/loving sense. He'd be good to his kids, and raise them with enough discipline to not be complete pieces of trash. He kind of has this grandpa relationship with Slashr that counts, i think. Slashr is an adult by the time they meet though, so Twelve can't exactly do much raising. He lets them be because they're their own adult that can take care of themselves and helps them out when they ask, and maybe murders some people when Slashr comes to his hive bleeding out a little too much, but that's about it. I DID CONSIDER Twelve having raised a child long before Slashr, but I'm kind of on the fence about it. (If you're curious, he would have acquired it by one of his servants somehow getting an offplanet grub and not wanting to cull it, so hed raise it. I mean violets live long as shit is the idea really that improbable?)

Balkantroll . NOPE they are well aware they cannot raise kids. They do not hate kids but they cannot be around them for too long, he has too short of a temper

Ruzmar. I feel like it would be good with kids but just wouldn't think abt it. If its partner wanted some it'd raise them but wouldn't really be something it'd go out of it's way for.

Whybie. Ok whybies a fucking teenager so let's assume it's the AU where they somehow live to adulthood and become emperor. Whybie would have such a weird ass outlook on reproducing. I cannot overstate how weird. Like i imagine theyd be fucking terrified of anyone finding out theyre not a real fuchsia after they already got everything they wanted, and if were going off the headcanon that...genetic material....has the same color as the blood, then they also wouldn't let anyone...see that. They'd have to have a partner they really actually trust to even like put their genes in a bucket. And even then theyd be terrified of making grubs with their mutated blood color, that would potentially get culled on sight, all because they decided to breed and make more "wrong" trolls. The thought of someone culling a baby with their blood color, that they made makes them physically sick.

But as a parent? An actual parent? Whybie would be fucking terrible. Not to the kids, but at raising them. Those would be the most spoiled fucking brats in the universe and you know for a fact whybie would not be self aware in the slightest. Or , they would be, they just wouldn't care. Yeah my kids are terrible, who cares? They're better than everyone, so why shouldn't they be? Oughhh rich person parenting but a million times worse. They would love the kids if they could actually have them, but they should not be parenting. The only universe in which i can see whybie not being a total awful parent, is the "i can fix them" ending of that fake dating sim where the protagonist, as the name implies, "fixes" them, so they're not a total piece of shit anymore, just really arrogant. Maybe, maybe then they wouldn't completely spoil their hypothetical kids into becoming monsters of people. MAYBE.

[olivieraa]

I need to rant for a minute.

And also, I say this without doing any proper research into Japanese laws, culture, etc. I'll just speak about my experience with it over the years.

So yaoi is controversial, it always has been. There's like... 8 different sides. The homophobes, the fujoshis, the fetishists, those who think yaoi shouldn't exist but for the exact opposite reason the homophobes do, and so on.

My earliest experience with yaoi was during a time when I didn't even know homophobia existed. So to me, yaoi was just "man gets with man", the same way I'd view any romance of man gets with woman. Just... romance. That's it. But I was also well aware that gay romances were rare. So when I watched my first yaoi, it was a 2 part OVA series, and well... I didn't expect it to be so explicit. Now I was very well aware of hentai, which is basically porn. Straight anime porn. So I assumed then that yaoi basically just meant gay anime porn. And so bc it was such a rare thing to see, I looked into it, and watched them all. Basically all in a row. It wasn't hard lol there's not that many and they're short. At max, 4 eps per show, mostly 2 eps on average. They all featured sex scenes. Some more explicit than the others. The plots weren't anything to write home about ofc. It was basically porn.

Through this was the discovery of shounen-ai. More about the romance than the sex. Usually a 12 ep anime series. Again, the stories for most of these were nothing to write home about.

Junjou Romantica became the most famous bc it was a mix of both. It was about the romance, but they did have sex (non-explicit). And this show got 3 seasons. And a spin-off, Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. Very, VERY rare for a gay romance to have that.

Now Junjou itself is controversial (I get why). But outside of that, its kind of the "ideal" romance anime, in a sense. If you imagine you're watching one of the thousands of romance animes with a straight couple, and you're always wondering when they're gonna kiss, and when they do kiss, when will be the next time?? Well Junjou is like, "yeah but they're adults so we're not gonna just build up to a kiss, we'll... give you a little more". I can only think of two "straight" romance animes that had sex scenes outside of ecchi and harem nonsense. It was a finale episode of a non-romance anime called Kiseijuu where they two mains get together and they have sex (its not explicit)

The genres for this anime were:

Its a really good anime. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'll re-watch it someday.

But here's the point I'm getting at.

Romance was not listed as a genre.

When an anime wants you to know its gonna have a gay couple in it, it will use the following terms:

Gay sex is yaoi, gay romance is shounen-ai, lesbian sex is yuri and lesbian romance is shoujo-ai.

When an anime wants you to know its gonna have a straight couple, it will use the following terms:

Straight sex is hentai and straight romance is just romance.

Here's what gets to me.

In Kiseijuu, in this anime where romance isn't listed as a main genre in any way, the couple is still implied the whole time. The show is full of action and plot but these two are hinted at. And then they get together. And they kiss. And they have sex.

Something like Inuyasha, which is a shounen-adventure series, does have romance as a genre

You straight up KNOW the main characters will get together. For Kiseijuu, its not so directly out there like Inuyasha and Kagome, but heavily implied. And then the result is that they do get together, despite it not being a romance anime, or having romance listed as a genre.

My frustration is why can't this happen with gay couples.

ACCA is a great anime, and its genres are these:

But the lead blondie and his blue haired friend are constantly eye-fucking each other.

I, for the most part, never ever truly care for the main implied couple in a show, but I'm always rooting for them. I'm rooting for Inuyasha & Kagome, I'm rooting for Ed & Winry, I'm rooting for Eren & Mikasa.

And if I see an ending kiss, or an ending hand-hold, or literally anything that implies "we're a thing", I feel joy. I swoon a little bit. Cause its so damn cute.

In ACCA, if you replaced either of these two with a female character, you just know what the show is hinting at, despite romance not being a genre. Bc as we know, if a show has the genres "action, adventure, magic" and there's a leading dude and a leading gal..... flirting the whole time....... they're still gonna get together.

Like, I would love to see at the end of this, these two looking at each other in a romantic way (so you, the audience, gets it), and then it ends. Even that. Even something as mild as that.

That an anime doesn't have to have the explicit genres of "yaoi" or "shounen-ai" so you know you're defo going into an anime where the plot is basically about the two main males getting together.

Give me an action anime where it just so happens that the leading guy has insane chemistry with his best friend and so the whole time you're thinking "damn I love the fight scenes in this anime, and the plot is fantastic. ...and also, they totally have to get together" AND THEN THEY DO and its just NORMAL cause its IMPLIED THE WHOEL TIME, its not just random GAYBAITING or FANSERVICE, its just a very obvious pair who you can clearly see fell for each other throughout the course of the action packed show.

GUH. NOT HARD TO ASK

LOOK. HOW. HE. LOOKS. AT. HIM.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

[casspurrjoybell-30]

Cry Me a River - Chapter 64 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Strange Encounter - Luna

"What else is there?" Alastair asked.

His words were cruel.

Too cruel.

And he wasn't even aware of it.

His brows pinched, words flew out quizzically, stabbing at my heart with each vowel, mercilessly.

My words shouted mutedly.

Demanding for more, to matter more.

But there was no way to force it upon him.

He would think of me as he would and there was nothing I could do.

He viewed me as River's wolf and that was that.

He would never view me as anything more.

And it was that reality that I had to come to terms with.

I was not his mate, not in his eyes.

It was true that I was a mate to his wolf but his wolf is he and he is his wolf.

There is no exclusion.

Not in my eyes, there wasn't.

Perhaps it was my connection to his wolf that caused me to grow so quickly emotionally attached to him.

For that, I wouldn't know.

However, what I did know was that I was increasingly growing more attached to him.

To a human.

And he did not feel the same.

'And if he did?' River's voice startled me.

I took a breath, hand pressing against my chest as I slowly relaxed my anxious nerves.

'I don't know. Would you be upset?'

River grew silent.

'I don't know,' he repeated my words.

I took a breath.

What did I expect?

What did I expect from a relationship with him?

A human mating with a wolf.

Was that even possible?

'If it were in my form...' River trailed off.

I shook my head.

'Then it wouldn't be me.'

My eyes fell to the sheets as my mind wandered.

Alastair let out an exasperated sigh, taking back to the blankets and falling back asleep.

Soon my eyes began to droop, mind wandering to insignificant images.

And not before long, all I saw was black.

*

The bed creaked.

My eyes fluttered open and my eyes immediately fell on Alastair's form beside the bed, in just a pair of pants as his hands skimmed through the clothing in his armoire.

The cords in his back pulled and tugged along with his movements, his muscles more prominent against the morning light streaming in through the open window.

'Did he always open the window in the morning time? Is that why it's always so cold?'

He reached in, tugging out a shirt and lifting it over his head.

He turned around, facing me and nearly jumping out of his skin as his eyes laid on mine.

"You're up," he gasped out.

I turned to my side, leaning my chin against my palm.

"You sound very surprised," I observed.

"If so, that's because I am," he let out a short laugh.

"I'm not used to being awake at the same time as..." he cleared his throat, cutting himself short and turning back to his armoire to busy himself.

My brows pinched and I sat up on the bed, placing a pillow in my lap.

He buttoned the last button on his shirt and he peered past the bed to the clock.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he eyed the hands on the clock.

"To a meeting," he briefly responded as he reached for his coat.

"Again?"

'Didn't he to one yesterday as well?'

"Correct," he cleared his throat and pulled the coat over his shoulders.

"I go to one nearly every morning."

"Alone?"

He stopped in his tracks.

His fingers reached up to comb through his hair, a habit I've grown quite aware of.

He did it quite a lot when situations troubled him.

Was I troubling him?

My head tilted to the side.

"Not always," Alastair sighed.

"It all depends on River's mood. He doesn't like to go to morning meetings but he'll occasionally go to evening ones with me. He quite enjoys voicing his opinions on matters of the country."

"That I do," River agreed. "Why if I don't. Who will? The councilmen are nothing but greedy pigs. They care nothing for our country."

Nothing at all?

And that's who Alastair is going to all alone?

Somehow that didn't sit very well with me.

"Can I go with you?"

"You want to come to a council meeting?" he spoke uncertainly as if he may have misheard my words.

I nodded.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair again.

'He's troubled.'

"Not that I necessarily have anything against it," he began.

"However, if anyone were to speak to you... Isaiah especially, he'd be able to immediately pick up that you're not River."

"Oh."

I hugged the pillow to my chest and bit my bottom lip.

"Well," Alastair cleared his throat as he reached for the doorknob.

"I should be back in a few hours."

"Wait," I rushed out as he turned the knob.

He peered quizzically at me.

"Michael isn't going to be watching me?"

"No, I trust you to be alone," Alastair gave a small smile.

My heart jumped in my chest.

My head quickly dropped, hair falling forward to block his view of my heating face.

The door closed with a resounding thump.

By the time I lifted my head, the door was closed and Alastair was gone.

I fell back against the sheets with an exasperated sigh.

'Goddess.'

I rolled to my side, still tightly hugging the pillow to my chest as I peered at the wall, deep in thought.

He didn't seem to hate me anymore.

I couldn't say he actually liked me but it definitely wasn't fury-based anymore.

With that last thought, exhaustion blackened my vision.

*

I awoke again to a light set of knocks.

My body shot up from the bed, peering at the door quizzically.

"Michael?" I called, hopefully.

"It's your servant Hannah, Your Majesty," a feminine voice muffled from behind the door.

'Hannah,' River repeated.

I wasn't sure was to do.

My mind raced, debating on possible actions as my fingers dug into the sheets.

"I've brought breakfast, Your Majesty," the woman's voice muffled once again.

To that, my stomach growled.

My hand reached down to cup my stomach.

Well, I was certainly hungry.

My eyes raked the door before an exasperated breath pulled from my throat.

"Come in," I called.

The door creaked open and a blond maidservant swept into the room.

A bright smile lit her face as she walked towards the bed, silver tray in hand.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," she smiled as she placed the tray on the nightstand beside me and lifted the covering.

The sweet scent of chai and baked goods wafted past my nose and to my stomach which grumbled with excitement.

My hand immediately lifted, grabbing the nearest pastry on the tray and stuffing it into my mouth.

A blissful groan rumbled from my mouth as I swallowed down the sugary good.

As I reached for another, a resounding gasp resounded, stopping me in my tracks.

I peered up, eyes locking with what seemed to be a horrified maid.

Her hand cupped her mouth, eyes widening as my fingers bent around a pastry on the tray.

My eyes immediately followed her gaze to my hand, fearful that my claws may have come out yet there was nothing that seemed out of place.

My hands were normal, human even.

"Your Majesty," she gasped.

My brows pinched.

'Luna, manners,' River chided.

My head tilted, more confused than previously.

'Manners?'

I peered down.

I believed I was sitting quite mannerly.

I even took to wrapping myself in a blanket.

'Royals don't eat with their hands,' River said.

'Just act embarrassed. Say you were tired and forgot your manners.'

I nodded, to which Hannah's brow rose.

"My apologies. I was tired and forgot my manners," I stated.

To this, Hannah's eyes widened.

"That's quite alright," she said slowly, brows knitting together.

She handed me a plate and fork and I took to eating the rest of the pastries with a strange metal stick.

Humans are quite strange.

They're born with hands yet barely use them for their purpose.

Very strange.

When I was done, I placed the plate and fork onto the nightstand and rubbed my stomach.

"Thank you, Hannah," I smiled.

She nodded, yet her face was pulled tight.

"Your Majesty?"

I nodded.

"No chai this morning?" she asked slowly, eyeing me.

"No?" My brows creased.

'Chai'

She nodded and lifted the tray.

"Have a good morning, Your Majesty," she sent me a tight smile before opening the door and leaving.

I sat there quietly for a few moments before falling back onto the bed.

River had grown strangely quiet since the maid had left and I was increasingly growing more confused by the minute.

'Did I do something wrong?'

[wandering-wolf23]

hey, re: dogs and good breeders — do you have any advice/recommendations on:

1) figuring out what breed(s) I want/should get

2) similarly, figuring out what breeds I should not get

3) finding a good breeder for the breed(s) I want

4) potentially (not sure if this is something I want to pursue), the above with the addition of the intention of the dog being trained for service work

none of this would be happening for several years, as I’m currently a student without the space, financial means, or time for a dog, but it’s something I want for the future. my family has always adopted from shelters and rescue programs (and been very lucky with our adoptions’ temperaments, less so with health), but from the research I’ve done thus far, I think I’d want to go to a breeder for my own dog (especially if I want the dog trained for service). I just don’t know where to start…

I'll try to help as best I can. Please keep in mind that I'm from Alabama and what I did might not apply to you.

1). Read everything you can find about dog breeds. The AKC dog breed profiles are generally a good place to start. I ended up on a Presa because I needed a calm dog who was going to be able to help haul my ass up the stairs, because the building I was working in at the time didn't have an elevator. At the time, I was around 130 pounds, which is a lot to ask of a medium sized dog breed. I also happened to know someone who bred Presas and I've dog sat for her multiple times. Alabama also gets really fucking hot, so mountain dog breeds were out. I just didn't think it was fair to ask a cold weather dog to work in a place where it's 85 F+ for at least half the year.

Educate yourself about lines, breeds, and everything in between. Dog Tumblr also has a wealth of information and people who have forgotten more than I know!

2). Be honest with yourself about your needs and activity level. Get a dog for what you have now, not what you want to have. Don't get a dog in the hopes it'll be your personal trainer, for example. Also, call and text breeders to ask about their dogs and what they are like. Personally, I hate brushing and grooming long haired dogs, so all of my dogs have been short haired (yes, short haired Border Collies are a thing!).

3). I basically asked a ton of questions to the breeders and asked to see dogs, health records, and a tour of the place. I breed goats, so I'm very familiar with those things. Don't be afraid to ask a lot of questions! I started with the AKC and UKC breeder "marketplaces" before I ultimately went with the person local to me. I knew her, I knew her dogs, and I had interacted enough with the puppies and adult dogs to know what I was getting.

4). The last one depends on the breeder. Doing service work, depending on the type, asks a lot of the dog. A good breeder will have a very good idea of which dog will be better for service work than others. This is especially true if you're going to be using an "off" breed. My service dog ended up being "off" from the standard, so she was going to be companion only anyways. My breeder focused on show and companion dogs, so they did not have the hotter temper working line Presas did. I'm also aware that my dog was probably a unicorn in regards to what she was willing to do and tolerate from other people.

I hope I've helped some! There are a lot of other Tumblr users to know much more than I do. Doberbutts is another person I'd go to and ask - he either knows the answer or he knows where to look.