#the only reason why i still remember it is cause

[moonpiies]

jealous. clingy. katsuki.

reader comforts him. FLUFF!

yo i haven’t written here in a hot minute. i’m lowkey considering writing a fic for bkg on wp but im not sure yet😭 also, im planning on changing my theme too cause ive had this pink one for far too long now

also my requests are open, so PLEASE request😭🙏🏾

“did you hear what i said?” you asked as you sat next to katsuki in the living room of the common area. you both were completing a graded assignment due tomorrow.

“yeah, i did.” he nodded.

“so you’re coming?”

“who’s going?”

“just izuku and i.” you spoke and he pursed his lips together before grunting. for a moment, you thought you saw a vein pop in his neck as he flipped his page almost aggressively.

“no, i’m not going.” he grunted as he shifted on the wooden chair a bit to get more comfortable.

“are you sure?” you asked with a raised eyebrow, “because the last time you said no, you—”

“i remember what happened.” he insisted with a scoff, “i’m not going.” he reiterated, barely glancing at you while he wrote on the assignment sheet.

nodding, you went back to your work so you could finish it up in time for your hangout with izuku later.

you returned back to the dorms around 9 pm. katsuki was probably asleep by then but nonetheless, you decided to check up on him.

knocking on his door, you patiently waited for him to open it. when you got no response, you spun around on your heels, ready to leave before he suddenly opened the door and tugged you inside his room.

“did you just get back?” he gruffly asked, crossing his arms as he stood in front do you.

“i—yes, i didn’t expect us to be out that late.” you said and he clicked his tongue.

“i don’t know why you keep hanging out with that loser. he’s not worth your time, honestly,—”

apart from the fact that your boyfriend was on another rant about many of the reasons as to why you shouldn’t hang out with izuku, you realized something else:

jealously.

bakugo katsuki was many things, but jealous was not one of them. he prided himself to not be envious of others so this was shocking yet a bit comedic.

“are you jealous?” you asked, interrupting his rant. a grin formed on your face as you watched his features grow distasteful.

“no.” he sternly said as his cheeks flushed with pink, “i don’t have any reason to be jealous of that nerd—”

“aw, you are!” you giggled softly, “kats, you don’t have to be jealous.” you added as you rested a hand on his cheek, “i like you, and only you.” you continued and he left of a strangled huff, reluctantly leaning into your touch.

you felt as he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips as he calmed down a bit. it was still a bit funny but you refrained from laughing even more.

because who knew the great explosion murder god dynamite would be jealous over a simple hang out?

[oldmenrus]

Hideaway

Summary: Joel's sole purpose for being in the woods was to track down a deer for food. Imagine his surprise when he finds you, perfectly tucked away in a quaint cottage all alone.

Warnings: Afab!reader x Joel Miller, alternate tlou timeline/ten years after outbreak, switching pov, no use of y/n, piv sex, porn w/ plot, size kink, praise kink, humiliation kink, hand necklace, this is basically my own little fairytale okay me and Joel when

A/N: so a fun fact is that I’ve probably been sitting on this for about a year and for some reason just never posted it?? Enjoy lol

Joel was watching you.

Not that you had noticed, your body crouched down and facing away from him, rooting through the garden dirt as you plucked a cauliflower head from the ground. He watched as you smiled at the vegetable, gently placing it in the wicker basket already overflowing with vegetables he assumed you’d grown.

Were you out here on your own? He wondered.

Joel had been tracking a particularly elusive deer when he unintentionally stumbled upon you. The midst of the dense forest gave way to a clearing where a cottage rested, greenery climbing up its sides. A ways from the cottage laid a waterfall opening up into a pond with crystal clear water. In between the two—where you sat—was a large garden. The entire scene looked like something out of a movie rather than a stronghold still standing ten years into the apocalypse.

How the hell could this place even exist?

Joel let his disbelief spring to the surface, only half aware of of the words leaving his lips, “What the hell?”

Despite his quiet tone, the deep timbre reached your ears and you turned around immediately.

With you now facing him, Joel let himself take a good look at you. God you were beautiful. You stood maybe five meters away from him, donning a mid-calf length orange sun dress, the small, flimsy sleeves falling down your arms as you stood. Little spirals of hair were framing your face, following your movements as you recoiled at the sight of him. Joel couldn’t fault you. An unknown man that was essentially twice your size was bound to pose a threat to anyone, most of all, you. You were a small thing that hadn’t even heard him approaching you until he made his presence known.

You cursed yourself for finding yourself attracted to him as your eyes locked. His peppered beard and wrinkles on his forehead told you he was older than you, and you could only imagine what he had been through.

He could’ve killed you ten times over already and you hadn’t even noticed.

The thought registered somewhere in your brain and you immediately reached for the basket, quickly pulling it in front of you as if it could protect you from any harm the man could cause. Before you could move any further, he placed a hand in front of himself, palm facing towards you as he silently instructed you to stay put.

You weren’t sure why you didn’t run, although even if you did, you knew you had nowhere to go. He found you. And you had no idea what he was capable of.

“Please don’t kill me.” You intended your voice to come out strong, unlike the soft, pleading tone that left your lips.

The silence was deafening.

“Not the plan. Do you live with others?” His voice was gruff. It sounded like he hadn’t spoke in months, and in reality he probably hadn’t. He was on his own. He had no reason to use his voice. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d made a conscious decision to say anything.

Your big eyes opened, blinking up at him. He could see you calculating your answer, debating whether or not it was worth it to lie. You decided to sidestep the question instead.

“Do you want my food?”

Joel blinked. Confusion undoubtedly evident in the way he furrowed his brow.

“I don’t have much but I can give you some of what I have. Do you like carrots? Potatoes? Cauliflower? I’ve got cucumbers too if you like those-”

“I-”

“Maybe we can work out a deal.” Your eyes were full of unease, word vomiting in hopes of saying something that may appease the man.

“Once a week—no—twice a week,” you corrected when you mistakenly interpreted his confusion for dissatisfaction, “I’ll have fresh food ready for you. In exchange, you don’t give away my location. Or hurt me. Please.”

Joel was at a standstill. He hadn’t wanted anything from you, only to determine if you were a threat. You weren't, but he wasn't making a great first impression either. He didn’t necessarily want to take your food. But seeing your small frame in front of him offer him foods he hadn’t tasted in years, he was certainly tempted.

It wasn’t that Joel hadn’t tried to grow his own food, but with the combination of his severe lack of green thumb and his unwillingness to remain in one place for too long, he’d been surviving on meat and canned food for as long as he could recall. He was never one to rely on passive survival skills.

But you? Looking at your large, very colorful garden? You prided yourself on this. You were good at this.

He nodded his head. “Alright.”

You held out the basket to him. Unbeknownst to you, Joel noticed the way you flinched as you did so. Despite the large garden you had, this was a lot of food to be giving away. He knew that.

He shook his head, hardly believing himself. “Half. Half a basket every week.”

You looked taken aback, but you were appreciative, nodding as he gestured to the basket. “Keep what you want.”

Afraid that he would take the offer back, you brought the basket next to a cloth on the ground, sorting some of the vegetables back. Joel shoved his hands in his pockets while he watched you work. You were examining the vegetables, keeping the least dirty and biggest vegetables in the basket and laying the smaller ones on the cloth, presumably for you to keep.

You were giving him the best of what you had.

Even if it was out of fear, he felt something stir in his chest at the action that he decided not to acknowledge.

When you held the basket back out to him you gave him a small smile. Although you didn't know the man, you truly hoped he meant you no harm.

A smile couldn't hurt, you figured.

“You’ll be back in a week?” You meant the question to come out more like a statement, but you couldn’t help but hear the hope that twinged the words. You hoped he didn’t notice. God how long had you been alone?

Joel nodded. Of course he would come back. You were an angel in a safe haven promising him food and smiles. Had he died and—somehow—made it to heaven?

He nodded, his southern manners unintentionally slipping through, “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

You replied with your name and smiled again when he gave you his, looking into his dark brown eyes. A part of you was very much looking forward to seeing him again, and you suppressed the butterflies that were set free in your stomach as you watched him turn and leave through the forest.

-

He saw you first. Again.

One week later and Joel was standing at the forest’s edge, unable to look away from you, fully knowing he should. He wondered how long it would take you to become aware of his presence. Much like last time, you were faced away from him, but this time, under very different circumstances.

You were standing naked in the pond, your breasts resting just above the water. Your hands were running through your hair as the water from the waterfall cascaded over your head, your eyes closed and mouth slightly parted. His hand tightened on the handle of the wicker basket you gave him. He was transfixed by your movements. He was transfixed by you.

Joel lost track of time as he looked at you, only realizing what he'd been doing when you fully sank underneath the water. His mind raced, debating whether or not he should come back. He'd found you in a compromising position and didn't want you to perceive him as even more of a threat, but he wasn’t doing much thinking with his brain.

Just as Joel decided to leave, you emerged, breasts and stomach on full display, your eyes immediately meeting his.

Fuck.

Your eyes widened, body quickly dipping back into the pond until only your head and tips of your shoulders peaked out of the water. Joel turned to the side, his eyes now burning holes into the ground. He wasn't standing far from you and you thought you could see a tinge of pink on his cheeks that no doubt reflected your own.

You spoke with slight unease, unsure of how long he'd been watching you, "Um...hi."

"Sorry," Joel said, still not looking at you, "I was about to leave."

You shook your head, "It's okay. Just let me get clothes on and I'll get your food."

Joel nodded, although you couldn't see it as you reached for your towel that was splayed across rocks at the ponds edge. With one quick look at Joel, making sure he was still looking away, you walked out of the pond and wrapped the towel around you. You cursed yourself for not noticing him sooner.

"Hey," Joel finally looked at you and you gave him a soft smile, "I'm gonna go inside and change. You can come in if you want, I was just about to make some tea if you'd like some?"

Joel didn’t like tea. If he was presented with any other option he would choose the latter every time, so he wasn't entirely sure why he was following you into your house. Some part of him supposed it had to do with the fact that a very beautiful, wet, and nearly naked woman was the one making the offer.

He stepped through the door and was immediately greeted with the smell of something sweet. He recognized it as some sort of pastry, but he couldn't exactly place it until he saw a pie sitting on the kitchen table.

God—had time really made him forget the smell of pie?

He heard a giggle and turned to you.

“Would you like a slice?”

Although he didn’t like tea, Joel always loved pie.

“Oh…sure.”

You smiled at him. “Feel free to grab some, plates are in the top left cabinet. I’m gonna go change.”

You disappeared further into the house, leaving Joel on his own to explore. The contractor in him admired the structural integrity of the building, strong wooden planks across the ceiling somehow showing no sign of wear. The man in him noticed traces of you everywhere in the home. It was a comfy house, perfectly decorated and furnished with small plants in windowsills. He couldn’t quite explain it, but it seemed like you. It smelled like you. He felt like a teenager trying desperately not to get a hard on at the naked image of you that refused to leave his head.

He shook his head, willing the visions of you to leave as he grabbed a slice of pie, his eyes falling shut when he took a bite. It was perfect. He was learning everything about you was, whether you believed it to be or not.

After you’d slipped into a loose fitting dress and dried your hair out with the towel as best as you could, you returned to your kitchen to find Joel. His head was slightly hunched down and his eyes shot up to you when he heard you approaching. Although you figured it was probably unintentional, Joel’s eyes were so dark and wide as they looked up at you that they reminded you of a puppy. You made a conscious effort not to coo at him.

“Is it good?” You asked, reaching for the teapot and teabags, lighting the gas stove.

He made a noise of agreement, “Where’d you get the eggs?”

“I-uh, I trade with someone.” And you did. Miles away sat a farm run by an older family that had by some miracle survived. They took care of animals and traded their products, more than happy to accept fruits and vegetables from you. But Joel didn’t need to know that, so you didn’t say it.

He raised his eyebrows at your answer.

You shifted topics from trading, hoping that Joel would leave it, “Were the vegetables good from last week?”

He cleared his throat, “Yeah. Really good. Thanks.”

And it was. But, in all truth, it had also been eons since Joel had eaten a vegetable and he had half forgotten how to prepare them. He would’ve killed a man for some ranch. He’d certainly killed for less.

You remained silent, your attention on the teapot until Joel spoke, “How did you find this place?”

You smiled, “I honestly don’t even know. I was stumbling through the woods and I just got really lucky. I haven’t seen any infected in years. You’re the first person I’ve seen in years, too.”

“Damn. This place really is a piece of heaven, huh?” Joel set his empty plate aside in the sink.

You giggled, “I suppose so.”

You’re a piece of heaven, he wanted to say.

"So what's your favorite kind of tea?"

"I...well." Joel hesitated, a hand reaching up to scratch the back of his head, "Tea's not my favorite if I'm bein' honest."

You nodded in understanding, still deciding to tease him, "Well, you haven't had my tea. It'll change your life. Promise."

Joel very much doubted it, but he said nothing, only watching you as you poured two cups of tea and handed one to him. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you watched a grimace form on his immediately after he took a sip. Joel shook his head slightly, setting down his cup, uttering a simple "no" that left you really laughing for the first time in years.

Against his better judgement, Joel could feel his walls falling around you despite not knowing you for hardly any length of time. Maybe it had just been far too long since he'd been with a woman, or maybe it had been your kindness towards him, but he knew that wasn't the reason entirely. There was something about you that was different. Maybe that's why he found himself smiling.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile.”

The admiring way you were looking at him alerted something in his brain, knowing that this was dangerous. Knowing that he should be doing anything other than leaning into it, but with the dark look beginning to grow in your eyes, he might just do anything you asked of him.

You leaned closer to Joel, setting down your own cup, “You look really handsome when you smile.” You took a step closer to him, “But I think you're probably always handsome.”

Joel cleared his throat, trying to avert his eyes. Once upon a time he was more smooth in these circumstances, but since the world went to shit he hadn’t quite had the chance to hone his skills. Unfortunately for him, he found you devastatingly beautiful and you were doing a fantastic job of rendering him speechless.

"I saw you staring at me earlier, when I was bathing.” You pressed your hands to his broad chest, letting them wander as you leaned ever closer to the man, whispering into his ear, “Hope I gave you a good show.”

Joel let out a low growl, his eyes hooded and tinted with lust, “Sweetheart, you don’t know what you’re sayin'.”

Feeling bold, you let your dominant hand trail down to the bulge in his jeans, grasping him and hovering your lips directly over his.

“I’m yours if you want me.”

Like a switch flipped in him, Joel grabbed your shoulders and turned you around, pressing you against the cabinets behind you. In one swift motion he grabbed both your wrists and pinned them above your head with a single hand. A whimper fell from your lips and he felt his cock twitch in his jeans.

Since the moment he laid eyes on you, he felt the need to pin you down and make you see stars. To claim you over and over and over. To make you forget about the end of the world. To help himself forget. He'd grown fucking tired of just getting by. He wanted to live.

He wanted you.

Joel's eyes were dark, breath heavy as he leaned into you, his large frame pressing against you, “You want this, darlin’? You want me?”

You nodded dumbly, somehow already feeling overwhelmed.

“Oh come on now, doll. You’re gonna use your words when you’re with me, you understand?”

“Yes, okay,” your voice came out in hot breaths, "I want you."

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. The hand not holding your arms in place reached underneath your dress and dipped beneath your panties, teasing his fingers at your entrance and collecting your wetness as you gasped.

"Poor thing. This all for me?"

You let out a strangled moan, feeling unbearably hot at his touch. The burning in your abdomen, his words—all of it was borderline unbearable. But you wanted more.

Joel let out a humorless chuckle. "You're a depraved little thing, aren't you? We've only met twice. I'm a stranger to you. You should be terrified of me. But here you are, soakin' your panties over the first man that finds you. You must be so desperate for it, huh?"

He didn't give you the opportunity to respond before he slowly pushed two fingers into you, releasing his own groan as he felt your warm, tight cunt grip him. His back and forth movements were steady as he reached a spongy spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. Your eyes instinctively shut and your head fell back against the cabinets, the dull thud it made being drown out by your soft sounds.

Releasing your arms, he whispered a gruff, "Stay" before he puled the dress over your head, finding your bare breasts.

"Oh sugar...you're killin' me here."

Joel was back on you in an instant—mouth and tongue delicately playing with your nipples, sucking on them and sending sparks of electricity through every inch of you. His hands trailed back to your pussy again, swirling your clit as his fingers resumed their place in you.

Loud moans fell from your mouth as your orgasm was rapidly approaching. You half had it in you to be embarrassed about it, but it had been so long for you and he felt so good that it was hard for you to care.

"I-I'm...Joel please." You whined, hopelessly clenching around his thick fingers.

You felt his lips twist into a smile around your nipple, tongue flicking across it once before pulling back to speak, "You can cum, baby. Let me have it. Thaaat's it, my good girl."

Your whole body shuddered, feeling exhausted but still wanting more. Needing more.

"Need your cock. P-please."

Joel chuckled, helping to remove the remainder of clothes between the two of you and tossing them across the house.

"Turn around, baby girl."

You felt his large hands dig into your hips as you did so, letting out a gasp when he bent you over the kitchen counter. The surface was cool against your bare skin and a chill ran through your spine. Your hands grabbed at nothing, body on edge as you waited for Joel to do something.

You felt one hand leave your hip, while the other gripped you tighter, undoubtedly leaving bruises. His body leaned over yours, the heat from his body setting you on fire. Before you could crumble again, plead for him to use you, you felt the head of his cock run along your entrance. You let out a strangled moan, your brain unable to think of anything other than JoelJoelJoel.

"You sound so beautiful. Scream for me, darlin'."

Joel entered you in a single thrust, splitting you open in the most delicious way. Your eyes squeezed shut as he filled you up, leaving you breathless. You couldn't remember the last time you had sex. You couldn't remember the last time it felt this good.

Incoherent noises fell from your lips as his thick cock split you apart, your eyes rolling back.

"Oh, look at you now, huh? All drunk on my cock already? Such a pretty slut.”

His hand snaked around your neck, thumb and middle finger pressing into your pulse points. He was making you delirious with pleasure. And you fucking loved it.

His voice was gruff, "My fucking slut, you hear me?"

"Yes—yes I'm all yours Joel."

Joel pulled you up against him, spreading your legs further and reaching even deeper inside you. Within minutes he had you sobbing from the pleasure, completely unable to do anything but beg and moan.

You couldn't see how Joel was losing his composure behind you, morphing into a creature that could only think of tying you down and using you again and again, of biting you and leaving marks everywhere on you, of ways to claim you deep down to your soul.

"Your cunt squeezes me so fuckin' good, think I'm gonna keep you around."

Joel reached around you, playing with your clit in a way that had electricity spreading through all of your limbs, a white hot pleasure bubbling beneath the surface. Your clenched around him so tight he thought he was going to stop breathing.

"Yeah? Wanna be mine? Want me to claim this pussy and fill you up?"

You were so close to an orgasm you couldn't fully understand what he was saying but desperate enough that you'd agree to anything he asked. Your head was nodding on its own, tears still streaming down your face as your high washed over you and made your entire body shake. A few more thrusts and Joel was filling you with a ragged groan.

He stayed inside you for a minute, coming back down to earth before pulling out of you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and gently turned you around. He gave you a soft smile and began to clean you with a damp cloth he stole from your countertop.

You were still too out of it for form a response, he could tell, but from the look in your eyes? You weren’t going anywhere.

Neither was he.

[undying-love]

Hi! I've been reading your posts lately and I've been wondering what's you take on what really happened between John and Paul and the breakup of their relationship. I've heard many theories but I don't know what to think

Hello! I usually avoid saying my own opinions and instead let the quotes speak by themselves, but yes, I do have a theory about what went down. I had been analysing this for quite some time and thought about all the possible scenarios based on things said by John, Paul and other insiders. Right now, this is what I think:

I know it’s a popular theory that John had long repressed feelings for Paul and that he, for some reason, waited until 1968 in India to make a move, and Paul, being an "immovable heterosexual” didn’t reciprocate his feelings and rejected him in some way. I don’t buy this at all, and I have said it before. I don't think that John would have waited that long to make a move. I do believe that they had something going, even if it was not consummated, but they were definitely more than friends and I believe they were both in love with each other. The feelings weren't one-sided. But I think that after homosexuality was decriminalized in the UK in 1967, John wanted to have a more serious or open relationship with Paul. Paul, on the other hand, as much as he loved John, wanted a “complete family life” (like John once said).

I remember Maggie McGivern saying that she could see that Paul wanted to have kids. So he probably thought that he could get married and settle down and still have and continue whatever he always had with John, even back when he was dating Jane and John was married to Cynthia. But John wanted something more exclusive and open, so he was obviously hurt by this. That's why, when asked about the main differences between him and Paul, he talks about Paul wanting a "complete family life": “Paul always wanted the home life, you see. He liked it with daddy and the brother… and obviously missed his mother. [...] It was always the family thing, you see. If Jane was to have a career, then that’s not going to be a cozy family, is it? All the other girls were just groupies mainly. And with Linda not only did he have a ready-made family, but she knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him. The complete family life.”

If what they had was a normal friendship, this shouldn't be a problem at all. People get married all the time and continue having their old friends. All of them were married, except Paul, and had kids, and they were still friends and still in the band. So why would Paul wanting to have a "normal" family life damage his relationship with John? So what John did was to get serious with Yoko, and one of the reasons for this was to cause a reaction in Paul. Magic Alex said this, “Knowing John, I believe the reason he picked Yoko was that he wanted a negative reaction. He knew he could have any girl. And the girls, who were nice-looking, couldn't stand them. [...] He needed as well very, very much a friend. A male friend. And with Yoko, he managed to combine both. He replaced a male in his life plus a female.”  And Peter Brown said, “Why this odd little Japanese lady? The reason, many people believed, was that more than a trophy wife, a model or an actress, John needed a chum. His love affair with Paul McCartney was ending." Yoko said that John told her he liked her because she “looked like a man in drag”, that she “was like a mate”. And John also said “It’s a plus that your best friend can hold you without….I mean I'm not a homosexual or we could have had a homsexual relationship and that would have satisfied it, working with other male artists.” What I think he was trying to say is that “your best friend can hold you without being judged by society”, or something like that.

John clearly wanted to have a public and serious relationship with his “best friend”.  So when we see Philip Norman, after talking to Yoko, saying that John wanted to have an affair with Paul, but was "deterred" by Paul's "immovable heterosexuality” (which btw, was a term that came from him, not Yoko or John. Someone reached out to him to ask him about that phrase and he said that he was the one who came up with it), I instead take this to mean that John wanted a serious and more public relationship with Paul, but that didn't happen because Paul wanted to have a family and live an openly heterosexual life. That's probably what hurt John deeply. Paul probably thought he would eventually marry Jane and start a family, but still became jealous when John and Yoko were together. Francie said that when John visited them, “all he could talk about was how much he loved Yoko”, and that this “disturbed Paul”. Paul himself has said that he was jealous but felt he had to make way for Yoko. He said “if [John] was to start a new relationship, he had to put this other one away."

Paul was in a very bad state in 1968, and was "desperate to settle down” (I don't remember if it was Maggie or Francie who said this) until, luckily, he finally did with Linda. Although he loved her, I don't think he was 100% certain about marrying her at first. Remember what Paul said about them having a huge fight the night before the wedding and almost called it off. Paul had spent the day before the wedding in the studio. When the session ended late that night, he did not return to Cavendish but went to Maggie’s house. Maggie said, “there was no car, no cab, so he must have walked. He was scruffy, unshaven and in a terrible state–he couldn’t even talk, just held on to me. I was trying to ask what was wrong but not to make a noise because my teenage brother was staying with me and was asleep in the same room. After about an hour, he just left.” That’s not how someone who is sure of his decision to get married would act.

And I don’t think that he was crying because he wanted to be with Maggie instead of Linda. My theory is that getting married meant that whatever he had with John before was over. Paul himself said, “I think we spurred each other into marriage. I mean, you know...They were very strong together, which left me out of the picture. So I got together with Linda and then we got our own kind of thing.” And even though he wasn't 100% sure, he went through with the wedding.

John, as soon as he heard the news, decided to respond to that and get married immediately as well, as if saying, “So you moved on? Fine, I will too.” Peter Brown explained this very well, "One week and one day after Paul married Linda, I received a phone call from John. He and Yoko were at the Hôtel Plaza Athénée in Paris and wanted to get married immediately. People believe that John's desire to get married so soon after Paul's marriage was a knee-jerk reaction. Perhaps it was psychologically about breaking up with Paul.”  So I think, in summary, that Paul's feelings about this pretty much were “I loved him and he loved me. But I wanted a family and he couldn't give me that. And he wanted more than I could give. I thought we could keep our love quiet, behind the curtain. But he wanted to live out loud. So he found someone who said yes.”

[mentalpolaroids]

A restricted zone (part I)

Steve Harrington x female!Reader

Summary: Steve likes to flirt with her, but so does Keith. A little lie to protect her catapults into restricted feelings being spilled.

Warnings: none (I think)

a/n: no use of y/n (for the very first time in my life please applaud me); no specific physical descriptions of reader (besides her being female)

..................................................................................

Shelves were stocked, tapes were rewinded, every corner of the store had been cleaned at least twice. There were no tasks left to do, no positions left to stand or sit down that would make that shift less tedious. It was a Tuesday, Family Video was dead and so was Steve’s list of topics of conversation. There was literally nothing left to do.

“Ugh, where’s Robin?” his coworker threw her head back, groaning in fake agony. Steve rolled his eyes at her dramatics but smiled in amusement.

“Uh, you sent her home early because there was no point in her being here, remember?”

“Right. I should’ve sent you home instead.”

Steve scoffed.

“Woah, calm down, no need to be so excited to be working with me.”

“Well, no offense but I’m kind of tired of looking at your face ‘cause it’s the only face besides Robin’s that I’ve seen all day and it’s actually driving me insane.”, she replied while grabbing a stapler from the counter. She started playing with it, tearing it apart as if to understand how it was made and how it worked.

“I wish I could say the same thing.”

She looked up from the stapler, suspiciously eyeing him.

“Are you flirting with me, Harrington?”

“Why are you so surprised? I flirt with you all the time.” Steve replied nonchalantly, as if that statement wasn’t news to anyone. In fact, it really wasn’t, but for some reason she never realized it, or if she did, she didn’t take it seriously or simply chose to ignore it.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do, ask Robin. Ask anyone, really.”

The girl rolled her eyes. Robin was always insisting about Steve’s supposed feelings for their best friend. She never understood where that was coming from, why Robin was constantly picking on her about it and, worst of all, why Steve never denied anything. She has always witnessed the boy flirting with anyone attractive enough to catch his eye, especially customers. Hell sometimes she wished she was on the other side of the counter also being flirted with. But, contrary to him, she would never admit to being attracted to her best friend. She also couldn’t notice, let alone admit, that Steve hadn’t attempted to use his charm on anyone else for a long while, except for her. She had been his target long enough for Robin and the kids to notice and for them to make a big deal out of it, loud, in broad daylight, with her being present. She still didn’t get it.

“Gosh. Why is this day taking so long to end?” the girl leaned on the counter in front of her, her elbows supporting her weight and she let her head fall in her hands. Steve sighed and nodded his head in agreement.

“I might actually die of boredom.”

“Can it get any worse?”

And just as soon as those words left her mouth, the bell over the door announced a new presence in the store, but it was just Keith. Steve sighed again, this time in annoyance, and replied to her rhetorical question.

“I guess it can.”

She looked up abruptly and swore under her breath. If there was someone even more obnoxiously and straight forward with their flirting than Steve, it was Keith. The only difference being she noticed when her boss did it because not only was he really bad at it, she definitely, very clearly didn’t like him and the way he talked and looked at her made her skin crawl. It was way too easy to get that job, for obvious reasons, and the only justification as to why she still worked at Family Video was because her two best friends were there to make up for the hell that working for and with Keith was. And honestly, if she got to work alongside Steve, and spend even more time with him, then dealing with her boss’s disturbing approaches was a small price she was willing to pay.

Keith greeted her first, and even attempted a wink that, if she wasn’t so disturbed by it because it was directed at her, she would’ve laughed at it.

“Hi.” she greeted him back, with an awkward smile and her eyes fixed on the stapler again.

“And hi, loser.”

“Keith.” if looks could kill.

He made his way around the counter to join the pair and, as if by instinct, the girl took a tiny step closer to Steve. She always did that, even with Robin. Having someone extra close to her was like having an armour to protect her from Keith’s attention.

“So,” she started, still not lifting her gaze from the stapler, “what brings you here on your day off?” the boy smiled pathetically, delighted that she was directly and intentionally talking to him.

“Well, it’s oddly quiet today, so I thought there’s no point in keeping the store open for the rest of the day.”

“Couldn’t you have called?” Steve asked, “We could’ve closed it ourselves.”

“I’m not talking to you, Harrington.”

Again, if looks could kill. The girl rolled her eyes at the petty disdain over her best friend.

“He’s right, though. You didn’t have to bother coming all the way here.”

“I understand.” Keith’s tone transformed once he turned to her again, “But I also wanted to ask you something.”

“Oh boy.” she mumbled.

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in going out with me? We could even, maybe, rent out something from the romance section, although, I’ll have to say, not my first choice, but I’m determined to put our differences aside.”

She cringed at his words. Surprisingly, it took him too long to ask her out, considering the effort he put into wooing her. Not that it ever worked. She saw Steve through her peripheral, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth, trying not to laugh.

“What gives you the impression romance is my first choice?” she crossed her arms, the action intimidated Keith enough to drop his confident smile.

“Uh, well,” he cleared his throat, “I just assumed since you’re a girl, and all girls like romance,” her eyebrows shot up in amusement at the assumption. The lack of experience with women was so evident and equally entertaining for both her and Steve, who was growing red from holding back his laughter. “And, you know, you’re such a sweet, nice girl, I uh, I just assumed you’d be into that kind of stuff.”

“Tough, man. Very tough.” Steve mumbled behind his hand, and the girl not so lightly smacked him in the stomach.

“Right.” was all she could come up with. Now, she just needed an excuse to let him down gently. “Well, I’m flattered, Keith, truly.”, not, “But, uh, I already have a date today.”

“Oh?” Keith chuckled nervously, “And who’s the lucky gentleman?”

“Steve.”

She said her best friend’s name way too quickly, and it felt almost as embarrassing as Keith’s attempt at asking her out. Almost.

It was now Steve’s turn to raise his eyebrows in amusement and, truthfully, surprise. He surely didn’t expect to be used like that, but he would be lying if he said he was offended. Any opportunity to humble Keith? He would take it, and now he had a new favorite thing to throw at his face.

“Steve?” Keith asked, confusion and also a hint of disgust dripping from his tone.

“Yes. Steve.” her voice was gentle.

“This Steve?”

“Hmhmm.”

“Him?”

“Yes, Keith.” she was now getting annoyed, “This Steve. Harrington. Douchebag Steve Harrington.”

“Ouch.”

“Sorry.” the girl whispered and patted his shoulder.

“Uh, okay. I had no idea you two were going out.”

Steve joined the lying train.

“That’s because we keep it professional when we’re working together. But outside,” his arm was thrown over the girl’s shoulders to pull her closer, her fingers crossing with his where his hand hovered her chest, “we are so in love.” she pinched his side, a sign for him to stop talking and hop off the train.

“Anyway, uh, sorry about that.” she intervened, referring to the rejection.

“It’s okay. But between you and me,” Keith leaned a bit forward and held his hand up, palm facing out and hiding his mouth from Steve’s sight, “you can do so much better.”

“I can hear you.”

“Once again, not talking to you, Harrington.”

After a few tense and awkward seconds of silence, Keith eventually told the pair that they could go home, or, “go on their date” and he made sure to use as much venom as possible in his wishes. Once outside, they both got in Steve’s car and sat there in silence for a fat moment, unsure what came next. They didn’t exactly think it through. They could go home, Steve could drop her off at her place and he would follow to his own. Or, since they were leaving work earlier, they could hang out. Or:

“What if- What if we went on an actual date?”

It took her a moment to digest his question.

“Uh, babes, you know we were just joking in there, right?” she looked at him, searching for any hint of humor in his genuinely hopeful expression.

“I know, I know, it’s just-” he sighed, “What if it doesn't have to be a joke?”

“Steve-”

“No, seriously, why not?” when she didn’t answer, he continued, “Look I know I have a long history when it comes to dating and this stupid reputation or whatever and you guys make fun of me for it, rightfully so I’ll admit, but,” he adjusted himself in the driver's seat to have his attention fully on her, “it was never a joke with you.”

That last sentence made something tighten in her stomach.

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know.” he took another deep breath, “Look I totally understand why you wouldn’t believe me but there’s no way you haven’t noticed. I haven’t been on a date in months, I don’t find anyone else interesting, I don’t even remember most of my pickup lines.”

“That’s okay, they were shit anyway.”

They both laughed, the tension building up in the car regressing a little bit.

“They were.” he chuckled again and returned his attention to her, again, hopeful.

It was her turn to take a deep breath. She always pictured how this conversation would go down, in a very hypothetical way. And now that it was actually happening she felt at a loss for words and control of her nerves. Her best friend was stepping into a restricted zone, or at least she thought they couldn’t and wouldn’t ever trespass. But there he was, spilling his feelings in the front seat, right between them, and nearly begging for a chance. She always assumed she would be the one in that position because, like he said, he had a history, and she never fit in it, so sue her for taking a while to accept her feelings were reciprocated.

“So,” she finally built up the courage, “say we would go on a date,” she raised a challenging eyebrow, “where would you take me?”

“I would pick you up from your place, we would get food from your favorite fast food restaurant’s drive-thru, go watch a movie at an outdoor cinema, then I would drive you back home and walk you to your front porch.”

Her smile grew bigger and bigger as he described what was basically her ideal first date. He was attentive and thoughtful, that certainly gave him bonus points.

“And then?”

“Then?”

Her smile became suggestive. Since they were putting all the cards on the table, they might as well play.

“How would you say goodbye?”

“How would you like me to say goodbye?”

“If you stop answering my questions with another question,” she too turned in her seat to face him completely, “I would like for you to kiss me.”

And that was his cue. He even took a look out the window to make sure that was real life, that he wasn’t dreaming, daydreaming or in an upside down reality. He placed his hand on her cheek, just to make sure she was actually there. He felt stupid.

Steve had wished for so long for her to look at him that way. Exactly like that. Like he was worth something, deserving, desired, truly looked at. So he decided he would accept it, try it out, see how it felt.

The boy leaned a bit more, he was now close enough to admire her irises in close detail, to feel her shaky, nervous breathing match his, to touch her lips with his own… except she turned her head slightly and his lips met her cheek instead.

“Take me on that date first?”

Steve felt like he had just been slapped awake from a dream. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed, but he also knew they had just marked territory in that (no longer) restricted zone. They needed time to settle and build.

“Right. Sorry. Of course.” he looked away, shaking his head with a nervous chuckle. So she held his face the same way he did to her a few seconds before and quickly pecked his lips. A tiny little taste. A promise.

“What are you waiting for Harrington? Start driving.”

..................................................................................

Part 2 soon

[leonidas1754]

What's been driving me absolutely bonkers lately is that it's so fucking clear that both Eito and Takumi independently have some massive issues that need genuine help (though Eito's are directly touched upon in the game while Takumi's aren't as much), and they could help each other... If they hadn't been put in a situation where doing so is borderline impossible.

Spoilers, you know the drill, mainly Route 0, 2nd Scenario, SF, Coming of Age.

Look, just. Outright, plainly, Takumi has depression. It's not even subtle and it's been driving me absolutely nuts because I haven't seen anyone else talk about it yet (though tbf I haven't gone looking too hard since I haven't played all the routes).

He has no hobbies. His main interest is sleeping. He has no friends aside from the single one, and it's unclear whether he even cares about his family all that much, as far as I can remember any worry about them barely if ever comes up, it's always Karua. The literal FIRST THING WE SEE ABOUT HIM is that he sleeps in the same clothes he wears daily. He's self-sacrificing and he has absolutely zero confidence in himself or his decisions. He has absolutely nothing but his care for his friends and allies, and for the most part, he's not allowed to have anything more than that. He's so focused on others to the point of it being selfish in its own way, and he can and will destroy himself over and over again if he believes it's needed to help those he cares about.

We see him lean on Eito in Route 0, but honestly, I don't believe it's to the degree everyone else seems to think. To me, it always felt like Takumi and Eito were propping each other up, doing the best they could in the insane and terrible situation they were thrown into. It was a little more give on Eito's side and a little more take on Takumi's, but sometimes relationships are like that, some people have more/bigger needs than others, and that doesn't mean the relationship is inherently bad or unhealthy. It's only amplified as the others start to look to Takumi more and more as a leader figure.

Obviously, it's clear in hindsight that Eito was manipulating Takumi to a degree, but much of Eito's actions are done basically entirely on his own, without manipulating Takumi other than in the sense of having his trust. Destroying Sirei, killing Hiruko, letting Eva escape then killing her, destroying their food supply, even convincing everyone but Takumi (and Nozomi) to give in to V'exhness' false surrender offer (that he wasn't aware was a farce), they were all done by Eito alone.

I think part of the reason people interpret it that way is because of what happens AFTER Route 0. Because the problem ultimately is that Takumi still highly values Eito's friendship, he hasn't magically processed that betrayal in the 5 days between when it happens and when he turns back time, in no small part because he has a lot of other shit to work through as well. And once he turns back time, he gets basically no opportunity to do so. He's immediately forced to choose to either kill or spare Eito, and then Sirei names him leader of the SDU. Takumi's entire focus is on keeping everyone alive. Both the time travel and Sirei effectively isolate him. Of course Eito is still on his mind a lot, of course he mentally references what he thinks Eito would say or do, and of course he misses that friend he'd counted on throughout such a stressful and confusing situation.

Something that also drives me crazy is the way the subject of Eito wanting a cure comes up in the SF route. It just really comes out of almost nowhere, with another timeline's Eito admitting to it because ???????? genuinely why? It would have been incredible to have a route that focused on Takumi doing his best to get close to Eito and truly understand him, gaining his trust and having Eito eventually admit that way that his cognitive distortion has caused him a lot of isolation and pain, and that he wants that human connection more than anything.

Because that's the biggest issue, really, on both sides of it; neither truly get the opportunity to try and understand one another. Takumi doesn't get a chance to process that betrayal and grief, to actually be able to approach Eito with a clearer picture.

To Takumi, everything he knew about Eito was false, and Eito is purely a man of spite and malice due to his cognitive distortion.

He doesn't get the chance to wonder if maybe, just maybe, not all of it was a lie, and that Eito is ultimately just another person with wants and needs and pain, someone who doesn't need to be saved, but to be helped.

And Eito, god, it's more obvious, but I really wanna touch on the fact that despite what he says on day 95, it's pretty clear that he was at least somewhat genuine in Route 0. Yes, he hid his disgust and hatred of humanity, but that doesn't mean he didn't form some level of actual connection with the others, especially Takumi. He just can't admit it because it's dissonant with everything he believes he wants, along with his cognitive distortion making it impossible for him to truly connect in the ways he might want to and the ways he knows would be wanted from him, all tied up with a nice bow of fear of how Takumi might react to learning about said cognitive distortion.

Eito's behavior in the Defense Room on Day 95 reeks of someone putting on an act to convince both themselves and others of something. In Eito's case, if Takumi completely hates him and believes Eito truly never felt any friendship or positive things for Takumi or anyone else, then Eito can shove out any and all doubts from his own mind, all the reasons he might cave to a Takumi that instead tries to plead with him and insist that Eito isn't alone.

Of course, after Route 0, Eito doesn't have that connection with Takumi, there's nothing to pretend isn't there because for him, it's not. His fascination with Takumi is born from Takumi's time travel and that he stopped Eito from destroying Sirei, and likely also how Takumi acts towards him, clearly still feeling the pain of that betrayal.

[[ To preface this next bit, I feel the need to be clear that I think the SF Route sucks as a 'true end', but that's an entire long post all on its own. That said, this next bit is going to be written with the approach of addressing the route as the story is rather than blowing Takumi's behavior off as the hasty and inconsistent writing it feels like ]]

Even in the Coming of Age and SF routes, Takumi isn't allowed to actually connect with Eito in any meaningful way.

In Coming of Age, he suggests the DCRT because he sees it as an opportunity to help Eito. There may be some delusion that he could have his false friend for real this time, but more than anything, it read to me as a genuine desire to rid Eito of the clear problem he has, being that his cognitive distortion prevents him from connecting with others and being happy.

Takumi has no context for how terrible the brainwashing machine is in this timeline, only getting the barest hint of it with Eva, so it never really read to me as "being willing to put Eito through something horrible to get route 0 Eito back" (though that's not something that's necessarily off the table for him, at least in some routes) and more as genuine intent, especially when Eito comes back "cured" and Takumi is clearly weirded out, but accepts it. This Eito isn't the one he had back in Route 0, but it's an Eito who seems to truly be happier, even if he's kind of weird about it.

And in SF, we don't even get that much. They find a potential cure again, but Takumi literally doesn't even get the opportunity to try and get to know Eito as he is because Hiruko uses the brainwashing machine on him. And yes, again, Takumi doesn't really have context for how terrible the machine is, not to mention he's hyper-focused on the lead they have for breaking out of the time loop, so he's willing to simply accept it at face value again.

What both of them need, more than anything, is a genuine, mutually supportive connection. And I truly believe it's something they could find in one another, if circumstances allowed for it.

Takumi needs someone who will help him, yes, but also someone who can get him to push back as well, someone who won't put up with him destroying himself for their sake. Because Takumi will, we see him do it several times over in various routes, and it's in no small part because he is being placed in that position of responsibility without proper support, along with that lack of any motivation outside the lives of his friends and the absence of self-worth.

Eito could support him quite well, if given the room to breathe, if he can let go of the idea of using Takumi as a tool to further his own goals. But he's trapped in a cage, given no compassion by Sirei, and no opportunity to pull himself out of the mental trap he's in: viewing his distorted sight as a gift as the only coping mechanism he has for the isolation it caused and continues to cause him.

Eito needs someone who truly wants to help him, but not diminish him as he so often was in his false childhood memories. Someone who wants to cure his condition because of how it affects him rather than it (mainly) being about them, though it's impossible for there to be no self-interest in such a thing, let alone have Eito believe there isn't.

Takumi may have difficulties dealing with the other members of the SDU at times, but he accepts them as they are, and there's no reason to think he couldn't do the same with Eito given the time to actually process his grief over Eito's betrayal, to find that balance between wanting to help others and respecting both himself and others' strengths and struggles.

They just don't have the opportunity, or rather, Takumi doesn't have the opportunity. They're both open wounds; Takumi is reopened over and over and over again, given no time to heal, while Eito is left to fester without care.

God I just want them to get the help they fucking need.

[kryptonusprime]

This may be the most obvious statement ever and one that dozens of people have made previously, but I still want to say it: James Gunn is so fucking good at needle drops. He has a special talent for picking songs that are a bit less listened to by casual music listeners such as myself, and then presenting them in such a way that a first-time listener cannot divorce from the association Gunn makes with his films' characters and themes.

So anyway here's an analysis of the lyrics of "Punkrocker," a song I only heard for the first time a few days ago when I watched Gunn's Superman. Thusly, I am only capable of listening to this song through the lens of it being about Clark Kent.

So, y'know. Spoilers for Superman (2025). Lyrics by Teddybears. Song sung by Teddybears and Iggy Pop.

Verse 1:

"See me drivin down the street / I'm bored with looking good."

Superman constantly draws attention to himself simply by existing. And frankly, part of him doesn't want that. That's why he needs to be "mild-mannered newspaper reporter, Clark Kent" sometimes. Or even most times.

"I got both hands off the wheel / The cops are coming."

Consider the calm tone with which Iggy Pop sings this lyric, as well as the rest of the song. It's a tone of quiet, confident self-acceptance, juxtaposed with a lyric about seeming, nay, being dangerous and being condemned by society for it. It applies to Clark because Superman will do reckless things for the right reasons, no matter who comes after him for it. And he is ready to accept that.

"I'm listening to the music with no fear / You can hear it too if you’re sincere."

Clark has accepted the beauty and potential of humanity, and he knows that if other people would simply drop their cynicism and see the world as he sees it for just a moment, they could understand why he does what he does. And honestly, they, we could do it too.

Verse 2:

"I see you stagger in the street / And you can't stay on your feet."

Clark sees humanity struggling with itself, hurting itself in ways they wouldn't if they just accepted each other and themselves.

"And you're faking in your sleep / You wish that you were deep."

Clark sees the lying to oneself that some people do, the bitterness that acts as if cynicism is just accepting life's truth.

"You can't hear me laughing to myself / If you could you would be someone else."

Again, Superman knows that if humanity simply accepted each other and themselves, they wouldn't have to be the fakers the rest of the verse presents.

Verse 3:

"See me die on Bleecker Street / I'm bored with being God."

"See me sneering in my car / I'm driving to my star."

This verse honestly kinda threw me at first. It very much has an "arrogant rockstar" vibe, which goes against the character of Superman, as well as the way this song and its presentation subvert the usual pop culture image of "punk rock" . I wondered why Gunn would pick this song even after that verse. And then I realized that it ends with the same pre-chorus as the first verse:

"I'm listening to the music with no fear / You can hear it too if you’re sincere."

The point is not to say "I'm better than you," the point is to say "you can choose to be better. The only thing stopping you from coming up here where I am is yourself."

Superman exists above much of humanity, a state he achieves not by his incredible physical power, but by his choice to embrace the best parts of humanity itself. And anyone can choose to do that. That's what Superman wants for us.

Chorus:

"'Cause I'm a punk rocker, yes I am / Well I'm a punk rocker, yes I am."

This is the thesis of Gunn's Superman, expressed by the statement of "I'm punk rock" sung to the softest, poppiest music imaginable: "In a world of apathy, cruelty, and cynicism, being publicly and unashamedly kind is what it means to be 'punk rock.'"

Conclusion:

James Gunn is a master at selecting unique, lesser-known or remembered songs and placing them in contexts that simultaneously fit and redefine characters, and sometimes even the songs themselves in ways no one else could previously have seen.

Since Gunn presents this song (and the scene of Superman recovering from his injuries while reliving memories of the people he loves) as the movie's closing statement, I will forever hear "Punkrocker" as a song about looking down at other people who weigh themselves down through cynicism and apathy, and inviting them to come up with you where it's more dangerous, but also happier.

That's what this song means to me now, no matter if that's the original intent of the artist or not. That's how good James Gunn is at needle drops.

[gpanada]

The whole niigo and their vocaloids are so hard to write and are so complex in so many levels that it feels like everytime i try to write them, it feels so ooc, it doesn't feel very them, which i understand that i truly wont get to write them perfectly but gosh they are so complex, especially with their interactions with eachother are so hard to capture (I have mad respect for the writers, especially the polyniigo writers)

Kanade might seem like a very simple and according to some, a boring character, she's just a depressed girl who has a savior complex who's trying to save Mafuyu, which is technically right but–

Kanade is not just that, she's more than that, that is being subtly shown in canon, Kanade is a girl who seems cold yet kind hearted, someone who is selfless for a 'selfish' reason, she is kind yet stands her ground when she believe something or someone is wrong, she is not easily persuade if she believe that she is doing the right thing, she's the leader, not only because she was the founder of the group but also because she is the reason why the others has yet to disappear, Kanade is someone who wants to hear her fathers songs again even if she doesn't show it or just pushes it away, Kanade is someone who just wants a family

Kanade has so much of an impact on the other niigo members yet she only sees the 'bad' effects she has caused to them and the others which i wanna talk abt

K's effects on Mafuyu's is pretty obvious since Mafuyu is the whole main focus of niigo, but i still wanna talk abt it

The way Kanade stood her ground against Mafumom and refused to listen to her demands and them having different beliefs on what is best for Mafuyu

Which made Mafumom act out a bit and controlled every single thing abt how Mafuyu act which makes Mafuyu realize how much N25 really means to her and caused her to have the courage to fight back and with the helped of Mizuki's words, had the courage to run away

Their friendship is so adorable to read as well

The way both of them help eachother one way or another and even if Mafuyu still doesn't understand that she cares for her(not only her but the others as well which I'll put more in detail later) she still does and do it

Ena's.. hmm i just cant stop thinking abt n25 wl2, Kanade was the one who founded and recognized Ena for her art, but as time passed on, she recognized Ena not only for her art but as a person, Ena has a soft spot for Kanade, Kanade was the one that found her and saved her when she was at her lowest, Kanade was the one that always found her whenever she was feeling down and in return treats her more kindly than the others, (KanaEna suppremacy/j) i just love them

And Mizuki... oh i have a lot to say, I love their interactions in Kana1, Mizuki was the one that helped Kanade and despite only talking in person for only a few months(?) I dont really remember, it was already obvious that they cared for her and eachother, also Mizuki was the first one to know other than Honami about her family, out of everyone in n25, Mizuki probably understands Kanade the most, she could predict and prevent on how Kanade would react and stuff, Afterall Mizuki is a smart character, i just wished we have more interactions between them, I've been living on KanaMizu crumbs ever since Kana1 released

Also Kanade saying "Mizuki is still Mizuki" was so cute i swear, Kanade understands that Mizuki was just showing who Mizuki is the whole time with just a secret abt their gender that they were afraid to tell and her appreaciating and saying thank you for being so brave and trusting them for sharing a big part of themsevles ahhh I cant

Im begging for more KanaMizu content

Whoever said Kanade only cares about Mafuyu should re-read the whole nightcord story istg

Next is probably the hardest person to write in pjsk for me is Mafuyu

Mafuyu is someone who is kind and gentle, one who wants to share the warmth she felt when her mother took care of her

For some she is the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the reliable honour student

To some she is a friend they wanna help, a friend who they wanna see happy and a friend who they admire

To niigo, she is a friend who is blunt, honest, one who is kind and is struggling to find their to self, a friend who they wanna help and want to be happy, someone who they will fight for just to ensure that she'll get better

She understands why her mother's way of love keeps hurting her as well because Mafuyu is a person that's whole nature is to please people ever since she was a child, and Mafumom's tendency to be in control, Mafu6 shows this well and shows as to why Mafumom and Mafuyu just won't work out in this current time and they'll just fall into old habits again

Mafuyu is blunt yet she cares, she shows this through her actions and not her words, (ironic for someone who writes the lyrics) well sometimes at least, she's honest and kind, she takes what her friends says to her by heart and does them even if she doesm't realize it, she cherishes the moments she has with niigo and feels lonely without it

She is a smart person, yet she is someone who knows what emotions you're feeling yet wont understand as to why your feeling that way

Mafuyu's frienship with Ena is always interesting to watch since those to are complete opposite yet similar

Ena is in simple terms, someone who feels too much and Mafuyu who feels too little, the're a perfect balance, Ena was the one that told Mafuyu to not let others push her around and to fight for what she truly wants, which encourage Mafuyu to well fight back and try to gain control over her own life

Also Ena finds Mafuyu as someone who can be honest with her and takes her critisism not as an insult but as a feedback to better improve her art, Ena cares for Mafuyu, making her stay at her house and even using that man's name in order for Mafuyu not to go home because she noticed how Mafuyu doesn't want to

They have helped eachother in so many ways even if they dont recognize it

Mizuki's friendship with Mafuyu is another one of those where those two understand eachother

Mizuki understands the pressure and having to pretend to be someone else and understands that it can becomes to much too handle, and Mizuki encourages Mafuyu to run away for anyonelse but to save herself from becoming broken completly

Mizuki told Mafuyu that its okay to run when things becomes too much, its better to run than to continue even when you know you cant handle it, Mafuyu learned to back down from something when she knows she cant handle it, she learned from Mizuki not too push herself to the point of collapsing and to just run away

Every single Niigo member helped her to grow and learn even when things become too much, they'll always be with eachother and rely to them

Ena's writing is so good, Ena is probably the character i relate the most

Her feeling like jealousy over the people who have talent and almost quiting art, the difference between me and her is that i let the feeling of no talent get over me and quit art to pursue music..

But this is not about me. I love the way she comes to accept that the path for the future is an unsteady and will come with many pain yet she still continues anyways

I love that even when she seemed to be always angry since she shows her pains through anger, she still cares and she shows it through her actions

They way she ran in the rain to look for Mafuyu, the way she always make sure Kanade's health is good, the way she makes sure Mizuki is comfortable

All those little things that makes Ena.. well Ena, Ena who's passionate over the things she loves, one where she would defend those she cares about in a split second, someone who keeps her promises, someone who is unpaitent yet will be if she needs to be

Ena who is kind and value her friends and family over anything else

I also love her sibling bond with Akito (the best representation of siblings in media) the way both of them seemed to hate eachother yet continues to have actions of care that makes the idea of them hating eachother so stupid

They execute it so well, it doesn't seem forced and just so natural, it reminds me of my siblings, im the youngest of my family

I just love the shinonome siblings that i could make a whole separete rant abt them

I also love her friendship with Mizuki

The way she doesn't get angry at her teasing and just plays along, the way she didn't spare a single second to make Mizuki come back

The way she just looks at them(niigo) with nothing but love i love Ena

And lastly Mizuki

Mizuki is smart, someone who notice even a smallest details and remembers it, she's someome who cares for her friends and value it more than anything else

She's someone who tends to hide her pain through humour and comedy, she's also emotionally smart, someone who notices and comforts her friends when they need it

She has trouble trusting someone yet when they do, they are loyal to them and cares for them

For Me, Mizuki is probably the easiest to write out of all the n25 members but that doesn't mean she's not easy to write, there's still many things i need to learn about her

There's probably still a lot of details i missed, afterall this is all just my understanding of the characters, also i haven't even talked about the cards and how they are connected, and also the songs and all the little details in the lyrics and instrumentals, there is so much more in Niigo that i have yet to understand

Which is why i love them, they are so hard to write

There is so much more i wanna say but this has been too long so maybe next time

Whoever is crazy enough to read all of it is probably.. well thats just wow im surprised well hello there

(also i have yet to read the Ena Bloomfest, BABY ENA WHOO but i will after i sleep)

[mikeypubes]

Drop the Baji headcanon 🙏🥰 (with rizz btw)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ baji keisuke relationship headcanons *ੈ✩‧₊˚

[ Note: I was very rizzed up. ]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

he's kind of similar to Draken but a shit ton worse.

he's really wild and crazy, so if you don't match his freak (😜😈) then you better have something else going on for you cuz he ain't not glancing at you twice.

even if he likes you, he'll ignore it and pretend he feels nothing for you, and at times, might even hurt you to cast the shade off himself 😭

when he finally gets over himself and confesses (with the help of chifuyu, who's spying behind the bushes as we speak), the awkwardness in the relationship settles in. and it doesn't leave for a good while 😃

you guys were way too shy to initiate anything for the first couple of weeks.

he's sooo tsundere (eurgh 💀) so don't expect him to get cheesy and flirty right away.

he's loyal to a fault, though. he does NOT play. He will treat other girls like shit.

he's lowkey the type to only open the door for his girl and slam it shut if there's another girl behind him just to make a point that he's taken. and if a girl texts him he'll make fun of her and show you so you both can laugh.

boy is POSSESSIVE. if a guy says remotely anything flirty to you, boom his car is on fire (not before getting an ass whooping). who did that???

overreacts... he's kind of toxic in that manner where he'll make a big deal out of everything.

So yeah sorry but in my headcanons he's not a pure innocent green flag who has no faults. SORRY he's a teenage boy in a gang who sets random people's cars on fire and punches them in the face for no reason

he'd get angry if you walked side by side with some boy 😬

he's super loud, so if you're a heavy introvert... deal with it tf he's hot enough 😍🫦

he’s the type to say “I don’t care” and then proceed to care harder than anyone has ever cared in the history of time.

he’d rather smoke bird shit than tell you he loves you or misses you but he'll threaten anybody for giving you attitude.

his love language: public disturbance ❤️

he says he doesn't like clingy people but he still enjoys it when you're all up in his space.

he's surprisingly innocent... like he'll get so flustered over a small kiss or anything remotely suggestive but then he'll go and read a porno mag about bondage with a straight ass face.

i'm sorry he remembers NOTHING. no anniversaries, birthdays, nothing at all. it caused many fights.

if he does remember, it's either 1) you told him beforehand or 2) someone else told him last minute so he went and got you the most stereotypical girl gift he could ever find (necklace or plushie 😐)

but he will remember the exact date you first insulted him

lots of study (you trying to scream the info into his head bc he can't keep it in) dates.

the most affectionate gesture of his is a head pat or a forehead kiss and one of his rare close-eye smiles.

he hates when you cry but has no idea what to do about it so he just gets really mad at the tears like “WHO did this to you???” and punches them

hes so bad at texting. his reply will be “k” and then three days later “btw i saw a cat that reminded me of you.” it was a sphynx cat. and why was it three days later??

shamelessly sings badly with the car window rolled all the way down. and drags you into it. everyone stares at you two and it's so embarrassing but he's so cute and cheery that it's lowkey so fun.

he loves arguing with you just for fun. even if he agrees with you like you’ll say “pizza’s good” and he’ll go “actually it’s mid” just to see you lose it. 😭

he really hates losing arguments and will do WHATEVER it takes to win or have the last word. doesn't matter if it's petty or childish. and yes sometimes he will say terrible things on the spur of the moment and feel bad about it later. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

[ Note: sorry for not adding an nsfw section because I could NOT imagine anything else for him ]

[p.s. so sorry for this coming out like 9883 months after it was first requested but I hope you enjoy it <3 ]

[silentmanifester]

Why Affirmations Don’t Work If You’re Still Lacking

Most people don’t realize that affirmations aren’t magic spells—they’re simply mirrors. You are not using affirmations to get something. You’re using them because it’s already true of who you are. That’s the only way they work. When you’re trying to become the version who has something through repetition, you’ve already missed the mark. Because the real you doesn’t need convincing. The moment you're trying to believe it, you're saying you don’t. The moment you’re repeating it to make it real, you’re declaring it isn’t.

Imagine someone named Meera. She wants to manifest a relationship. She begins affirming: “I am in a loving, committed relationship.” She writes it down. She says it aloud in the mirror. She visualizes holding someone’s hand. But underneath all of it, what she really feels is loneliness. Her body still carries the posture of someone who waits, who hopes. She walks through the day checking her phone for signs, replaying the absence. Even though the words say “I am,” everything else is broadcasting “I’m not.” This is what most people don’t see—affirming from lack is not neutral. It reinforces the lack. It's like trying to erase a sentence by writing over it with the same ink.

Now imagine if Meera didn’t repeat anything. She didn’t visualize or script or try to feel anything. She just knew. One morning she woke up, and it wasn’t even a decision. There was no effort. Just a quiet certainty that she is the version of herself who already has that relationship. She carries herself differently. She smiles for no reason. She doesn't need signs, she doesn't look for evidence, and most importantly—she doesn’t wait. She is. That identity, without any effort at all, causes everything to rearrange. Not because of the affirmations—but because there’s no longer a version present that needs to affirm.

This is where most people get stuck: they use affirmations as a tool to cross the gap. But the gap only exists because of who you think you are. It’s not the thought that’s the issue—it’s the one thinking it. If you’re affirming from the character who wants, then the affirmation serves the desire, not the fulfillment. It becomes a performance, a spiritual ritual to compensate for not actually believing. And no matter how often you say the words, if the one saying them doesn’t match the identity of someone who has, the world will keep reflecting lack.

Let’s take another example. Someone named Ravi wants to manifest wealth. He starts using the affirmation, “Money flows to me easily.” He says it twenty times a day, writes it in his journal, and even sets it as his phone wallpaper. But each time he affirms it, there’s a subtle tension in his chest. His environment still feels like lack. He still second-guesses purchases. He still feels fear when looking at his bank account. The body tells the truth. The energy behind the words is anxiety. So the world doesn’t reflect the affirmation—it reflects the being. And the being still screams, “I’m broke.”

Now, imagine Ravi does nothing. He doesn’t affirm, doesn’t visualize. He just stops playing the character of the struggler. He stops identifying with the one who needs more. He gets tired of the effort, the pushing, the desperate “techniques.” He lets go, not because he gave up, but because he remembered. He doesn’t try to feel wealthy—he is wealth. Not the emotion. Not the bank account. The state. The world bends around that instantly. Suddenly money shows up. Refunds arrive. Clients appear. Opportunities drop out of nowhere. But it wasn’t a reward—it was a reflection. The old mirror shattered the moment he stopped identifying with the one who lacked.

The truth is, the more you try to affirm something that doesn’t feel real, the more you confirm that it isn’t. The gap doesn’t close through repetition—it collapses through identity. And the moment you are the version who already has, the need for affirmation disappears. The very act of needing to say it fades. That’s when it appears—because you no longer need it to.

Affirmations don’t work from lack. They are not meant to be your way of convincing reality. They are declarations of what’s already real to the Self. If they’re not landing, not reflecting, not showing up in form—it’s not because the words are wrong. It’s because you’re still being the version who thinks she has to speak it into existence, instead of just being the one who already lives it.

You don’t need to affirm something into reality. You need to stop being the one who isn’t.

♡♡♡

[fatedroses]

A different kind of nightmare.

[nabaath-areng]

i saw that one of my dream doll sculpts since like a decade is STILL around and the new stock photos of her make her even MORE immaculate. im already pausing my process of rebuilding my lolita wardrobe why cant i just stick to one thing. time and again i am this meme

[redgearsmovin]

[ID start: Various digital sketches of Imagination Movers characters: Nina, Dave, Scott, Smitty and Rich. End ID.]

[likorys-shimenawa]

So fun comic things - those are not the same rules.

Like 'Endless shall take no mortal lovers' is just something they make up? We actualy learn one of the reasons is Kilala of the Glow - Dream's ex that cheated on him but may or may not have been lured to love him by Desire to begin with and may or may not have been lured to cheat on him as well... Desire is ComplicatedTM trust me - and I always assumed the rule is put in place agter Nada cause it would make sense.

And Dream keeps to rules, doesn't he? Calliope is not a mortal after all, if she? And yet it still ends in a disaster, doesn't it?

The blood-spilling is different rule - it's mythological one for the Furies aspect of the Kindly Ones. This isn't rules Dream can actually break - the blood spilling is much more intrinsic how-universe-works, and it involves Furies as they're responsible for the mythological concept of falicide.

And those rules involve Dream, because he marries a muse and has a child with her.

[From what I remember, Dream thretens harm to Desire on multiple occasions and nothing similar comes up - it's spilling family blood specifically, just like it was with Vortex. This is solely Furies responsibility as punishers of filicide and their grudge against Orpheus and Dream. Also, they Furies might've had a grudge against Dream before Orhpeu's entire story which adds whole other layer of why Dream wouldn't wanna get involved.]

Also: by narrative, in Nada story, it's not actual like, divine judgement. For all intents and purposes we're told 'for mortal cannot love an Endless' cause it's moral story - but in the actual narrative the sun sees them together and just kinda nukes Nada's city? Sun explicitly chunks a meteor at her city - and the start of the story we hear expcitly how Nada is most beaufitul sun ever saw'. Something something, mortal can be loved by Higher Things, but only as long as those mortal don't try to get those Higher Things like Nada tried to get Dream, I guess?

And we also know every celestial being is aware of itself and the one time we see Sol [presumably our Earth's sun] it's a little kid that drops a tray of glasses and we're told how he's so very young and how 'he makes [its solar system] laugh and means well'.

So Dream would explicitly understand both rule-breaking as well as random being getting involed cause they get hissy. [Also somehow every story about Dream's lover is a narrative of 'you dared to love En Endless and will suffer for it' which is just. A lot.]

So here's that meta piece I wrote on 2x05 and 2x06. Under the cut because this is a long one.

So I've already written out some thoughts on Morpheus' question of "Do you think I am incapable of love?" And that can be found [here]. But as I was writing that, I couldn't help but remember what I'd seen in 2x05, "The Song of Orpheus" and in 2x06, "Family Blood" that demonstrated that Morpheus is indeed, despite what he may think, capable of it. On further reflection, I made certain connections that gave me no small degree of heartache, just considering Morpheus' love for his son, and also in 2x06.

Up next, after this, I'll be putting together a piece on Morpheus and Lucienne in 2x06, because that's a consequence of his actions in 2x05.

Now, to the Orpheus storyline.

I'm going to be sincere and say that I didn't care so much for Orpheus' attitude in this episode, from just how he pleaded with his father for help to his reaction to receiving refusal from Morpheus. It seemed foolish, and well, to me, it seemed like he was a little blinded by his love for Eurydice or as Destruction so wisely said....He is "more in love with the idea of love than her". I was giving thought to this, and it struck me that Orpheus being ready to give his life in exchange for Eurydice didn't seem so heroic because is he grieving the loss of her? Or the fact that it was unjust for her to die so young? Either way, it seems silly to me because:

If he sacrifices his life in exchange for hers, he will still be without her and she without him. So when he proclaims to Morpheus, "I will gladly give my life in exchange for hers", sir, what happened to "I don't want to live without her"? If you follow that route, you WILL be without her for eternity.

If he wants to die so that she can live, she will be sad without him, of course, so neither of them end up truly happy. Okay, Orpheus might be happy in the sense that he's sacrificed for her and this shows his love for etc, but he'll miss her still. So neither of them end up happy, and definitely not with each other. What's the point?

When Orpheus approaches his father to ask for help, he refuses, and he states pretty clearly that he's not doing that because he will not trade away his son's life. I could be wrong here, and if I am severely misreading something, please enlighten me, folks, but it seems to me that Morpheus' motivation for the refusal is because he loves his son too much to consent to sacrifice him, to give him up. It's like, when Orpheus asks, Morpheus' reply is "And when they demand your life in exchange for hers?" To me, it seemed that he was already expecting a one-for-one sort of thing. As folks on the Sadman server pointed out, perhaps Orpheus thought that because Morpheus is an Endless, maybe Hades would simply do him a favor, but Morpheus thinks otherwise.

In an attempt to be fair and consider the end of the argument, could Morpheus have sacrificed himself in Orpheus' stead, and as a result, ciao the Dreaming, dreams, everything that he does. Ciao. That's gone. Could he have done that? I don't know if, according to his character, he could. He makes himself out to be rigid, sticking to order, rules, etc. (Which in other moments of the series, that's been a good thing, and I like that he's upright in that sense) But. I've been wondering if really, could Morpheus have considered giving all of that up for the sake of his son? From that angle, I can understand Calliope's resentment because she believed he should have done that.

But someone on the server had mentioned to me that Dream's life is not worth Eurydice's. I struggle to find a good reason for Dream to do that. Okay, Destruction did say that love is the only good reason to do anything, but to me it seems a bit exaggerated for Dream to cast ALL of that away just to bring back his son's wife. It seems a little bit ridiculous to me to ask that of him.

Note that his first "no" is gentle. It's the no of a parent denying something to their child that they know is not for the best interests of their child. Morpheus supposes Hades will not simply grant him a benevolent favor, and he loves Orpheus far too much to give him up. It was also pointed out in this discussion that (and Orpheus, I am so sorry, but) Morpheus' life is NOT worth Eurydice's. It's inconceivable to me (purely my opinion, folks are free to disagree) that he could just throw everything he is, everything he does and carries out, all of that, throw it away to bring back his son's wife.

Now onto Orpheus and a particular thing that he said...."If you will not do this for me, I am no longer your son."

In my honest opinion, that was a terrible thing to say to Morpheus. Here Orpheus is rejecting him as his father for the mere fact that Morpheus has refused to grant him what he's asking. Morpheus refused, as I've said, out of his love for his son. And Orpheus is basically, spitting in his face at that. Maybe we can cut him some slack because pick your poison, he's grieving his new wife, his passions are blinding his judgement etc. But I think that was a cruel thing. This decision that Orpheus made, its consequence we see weigh on Morpheus' heart years later (we'll see later what he says in 2x06) .

Morpheus, nonetheless, does not change his mind. Why? Because of pride? I think not. He accepts the rejection of his son because he prefers a world with his son alive, than one without. Morpheus basically says this in 2x06 (not the accepting the rejection, that's me, but the other second part). So he sticks to his decision to refuse him. He doesn't say anything else after Orpheus has rejected him, doesn't call out 'Wait, no, I'll help you' 'Wait, no, I'm sorry'. None of that, nope.

Another point to bring up here. This was pointed out in a conversation yesterday, and I completely agree with it. Folks, you know I love Morpheus, but I will acknowledge flaws even in my most beloved characters, and I think we're seeing some hypocrisy in him. Because on one hand, with Nada, he knows the rule imposed on him forbidding Endless having relationships with mortals. In 2x01, when Nada says as much, he literally acknowledges that with a quiet, "I know." But then he waves it away. "I couldn't stop myself then, just as I can't stop myself now." Sir! Get a hold of yourself. Now, he pursues her, and we know how that ends.

But yet with Orpheus, he says he can't kill him because the Endless are forbidden to shed family blood. My question is, with this second rule, the consequence for the one who breaks it is, we all know, end of existence. The Fates will demand his life. Was there consequence for him for breaking the first one with Nada? Nada lost her people, they were annihilated, that was HER consequences, but he didn't get one. And nonetheless, he does break the rule because he promises his son he will.

Really, I've said it over and over again. I love Morpheus in the show. I do love him. But he's so very, very complicated.

Now, we come to the last bit which is more for 2x06 and a particular scene that caught my attention.

"Because I was terrified of living in a world without you in it."

When Morpheus approaches his son and they talk, and Orpheus repeats to him the words he'd said when he left the latter on the shore.

Morpheus asks him--and only moments before, god, Tom Sturridge, your acting is just superbly amazing--only moments before when Orpheus repeats those words back, Morpheus is sitting nearby, and he bows his head. His brows wrinkle slightly, and to me, I saw his pain there. I dunno, that's just me. Anyway, then he says the above quote.

Upon reflection, it hit me that there, he's saying that he accepted losing his son's love--losing his son--as a result of his (Morpheus') decision to refuse him and thus protect him, the best way he could--ignoring the fact that Orpheus decided against this and threw himself into the arms of death....Morpheus preferred a world where his son still lived and breathed, even if that son rejected him as his father--to a world where, had the father agreed to help his son and lost his son in the process, he would have had to live without that son he loves so dearly. And we hear so very clearly that Morpheus says the contrary.

"I was terrified to live in a world without you in it."

Without. You. In. It. He did not want this. He would not have willingly agreed to that. He says as much when he tells him earlier, "I will not trade away my son's life". Please just take a moment and consider that.

Morpheus loves his son so much that he's accepting the fact that that same son rejects him, disowns him, pushes him away for the very self-same reason that Morpheus is trying to protect him, out of a father's love for his son.

When in the end Morpheus said, "I am not worthy of you, my son", I was like "??? You are not worthy of him?" Does he believe he failed his son in refusing him? It was love that made him make that decision, so is he questioning, doubting his own love for his son? Maybe thinking that if he had truly loved his son, he'd never go through with what he's about to do?

And then, just as a final point, someone on the Sadman server, I think pointed out that a possible reason why Morpheus doesn't say 'I love you' to Orpheus when they reunite....is because maybe, just maybe in Morpheus' heart, he still considers that he isn't capable of love. That he doesn't to love or to be loved.

Oh and this too! Morpheus never, ever, at any point in 2x05 or 2x06 ever stopped considering/calling Orpheus his son. He calls him "my child" when he's with Destiny, and it's like the way he forms the words...you can hear the anguish, the sorrow in his voice. Like somebody give Tom a fucking Emmy because boy deserves it.

Okay, that's it. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

I do recognize that my thoughts on all of these things come purely from watching the show adaptation which is different from the comics and I don't have the more comprehensive view that one would get if they'd read the comics or maybe even life experience and being able to look at things from a wider perspective. I'm just expressing thoughts and reactions that are particular. Just wanted to write something because seeing this moved me, affected me enough to do so. And I guess that's a good sign, that the emotions, the motivations driving the characters felt real, tangible enough that it connected in me to a certain degree.

Which is something I've enjoyed immensely about this first volume of the Sandman. As painful as some episodes have been, as reluctant as I am for what's to come. It's been a very interesting experience.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Next, thoughts on that library scene in 2x06.

[smile-files]

i continue to find ii3 baffling. why did they make it (this isn't to hate on the season, i'm genuinely curious)

[steph-anie723]

“ennis and jack only wanted each other for sex—” TELL ME YOU DIDNT WATCH BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU DIDNT WATCH BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

[seonghwasblr-moved]

Sometimes I get sad and annoyed about things that literally don't matter at all lol