#the only people from her past that can tell her all have ulterior motives and reasons to lie. are they lying? who knows

[blood-choke]

Oh my God wait I have more to say on that. If you need the full scene I'm quoting: https://youtu.be/63708PykTcg?si=Bws3wyRs_TkyxPaH prepare for a lot of yapping

Hear me out. It's the "I don't like to share." Val has made it v clear she doesn't like the thought of sharing mc with Hana and clear bc of her own fears and anxiety surrounding her relationship with mc who remembers nothing about their life together.

and the "what about antionette?" "It's different I don't have feelings for her." Hana feels like the antionette to val bc, and these are just my thoughts from reading, we can see that val does care for Hana to some degree but never to the degree that she does with mc. Or maybe she does and just hides it to keep from getting attached like she was with mc and keeping Hana safe from being another one of the councils victims 🤔

And lastly the "that's bc you TOOK my life" is really getting my brain going. Especially since we see mc begin to question whether or not she wanted this life. Like, the potential behind it is putting me through the wall rn

Anyways you don't have to respond to any of this I just wanted to yap and share these thoughts bc BOY does blood choke get me thinking

hehehe yes i do think Valentina can be quite similar to Lestat in some aspects, particularly with her relationship with mc.

and you're right, she does care about Hana... in her own fucked up way. she keeps her more at a distance than she ever did mc because of that loss, which she is still mourning (even now with the mc back. she's not the mc she remembers) and she just was never able to open herself up completely to Hana. Valentina has treated both Hana and the mc terribly in the past (and the mc, at least, treated her just as bad, too, while Hana more or less just took it silently). she does care about Hana, but with the mc-shaped hole in her chest, she isn't sure how to express it, and now that the mc is back, she feels conflicted about her feelings & wants to show her devotion solely to the mc. and obviously she will get jealous of Hana (or Clear) because unless the mc brings it up, she won't share. exactly because of her anxieties (the loss of memories and how that may lead to mc choosing someone else completely) and she's actually fearful that the mc may judge her or be angry herself about Valentina's relationship with Hana (the mc was a jealous person in her past life). obviously their relationship was never Perfect, but Valentina is definitely being crueler to Hana than she ever has been before, almost like she's "showing off" for the mc, and even trying to drive Hana away. (you can potentially call her out on this in the next chapter)

and because of this Hana is realizing that even though she took the abuse and was always there for Valentina, it doesn't matter; mc is back and that's all Valentina cares about. (even if it's not necessarily 100% true-- to Hana, all she feels is that she's being discarded). that's what prompts her confrontation/conversation with the mc in ch3.

going forward there's a chance for this to change, depending on how the mc approaches the two. even if you're not romancing Hana in the poly there are still opportunities to include her (or exclude her, if you want. you can explore that route, too) and with the mc back, Valentina can potentially open herself up more to Hana than she was able to before, platonically or romantically, with mc's urging.

honestly i feel that Hana was more directly inspired by aspects of Claudia's character than Valentina with Lestat (they just happen to be similarly obsessed with mc/Louis respectively). and while i don't necessarily like to say one choice is "bad" i will say being cruel to Hana does have consequences. but i'm still writing it because i want that to be an option to explore specifically with Hana's character, and i don't necessarily want it to feel like a punishment to the player, but this game isn't exactly a feel-good game, and i do plan to make it hurt. lol

and as for your last point... yes it IS interesting. we'll probably never know if the mc was really consenting at that time (can any human really consent when eternal life is beyond their scope of understanding?) and it just adds another fuzzy layer to the messy onion that is her relationship with Valentina.

[whateversawesome]

Chapter 93: Stellas, Tonitrus and Another Desmond

First of all, congratulations to our girl for getting another stella (her first academic achievement stella too!) Good for you, Anya!!

Anya also got a tonitrus bolt, but who cares about that 😆 Oh yeah, I know who does...

Congratulations also to Twilight for not losing it. Good for you, Twilight...you're learning how to be a good dad. Hey, did you notice he didn't even try to look at the results before time?

Look at that baby's face 💕 Positive reinforcement and encouragement work wonders! Still, I hope one day, Anya realizes her papa loves her no matter what.

It was one hell of a chapter, don't you think?

Let me get this out of the way: the more I know the people around Donovan Desmond, the less I like him. Even though we know very little about this man, it looks like his relationship with his family has destabilized his wife and son's mental health and general wellbeing.

So, here are my thoughts:

Demetrius

He looks like a kid who was pushed too hard to study and was taught nothing else. Yeah, he may be a stella-earning machine, but he lacks a balance, like the ability to communicate and understand other people. If anything, he seemed overwhelmed by a simple interaction with a some kids.

I'm guessing his classmates see him like an unapproachable person and he is probably a loner. He doesn't seem close to his brother either and I'm going to guess he's not close to Melinda. I suspect his dad "took him under his wing" since he was very young and made him that way.

Why couldn't Anya read his thoughts?

At the moment, I don't think he was experimented on. In my opinion, this boy's only thoughts are about studying, earning stellas, and not being able to understand people. All courtesy of...

Donovan Desmond

It looks like Donovan did spend a lot of time with Demetrius when he was young. The purpose is still not very clear to me, but this looks fishy. Either he sincerely wanted his son to do well in school or there was a reason Donovan Desmond wanted to be inside those imperial scholar social gatherings.

My gut tells me it's the second option. Why?...

I believe Donovan was Prime Minister or close to being Prime Minister back then. Why would a busy politician like him spend his time making sure his son did well in school? Something doesn't add up.

In the present, Donovan is basically a recluse and the only events he attends are those imperial scholar gatherings. If Desmond was a good dad, it would be understandable for him to support his son, even if he didn't participate in politics anymore. But that's the thing; Donovan Desmond is not a good, supportive dad. Demetrius said it himself: his dad is not in contact with him. Meaning, there must be an ulterior motive for him to attend to those social gatherings.

My guess is that he used his son. And since he already has access to those meetings, he doesn't need to communicate with his eldest son anymore or to have a relationship with his youngest either.

Talking about the youngest Desmond...

Damian

Damian and Anya had a rocky start, but as the story advances, it's obvious Damian is a sweet boy, who seems so...abandoned.

Damian is the kind of kid who thinks he has to earn his parents' love (especially his dad's). That's horrible. That love should be unconditional.

However, after meeting Melinda and now Demetrius, I can confidently say he's better off at school. Because of this, I'm thinking that it was Melinda the one who insisted on Damian staying at Eden.

Damian probably thought that in order for his dad to spend time with him, he needed to be like his brother, meaning a stella-earning machine. That's why those stellas are so important to him. And let me say that it's remarkable that Damian is earning stellas without any help from his parents or anyone else (like Demetrius in the past and Anya in the present.)

Now I see that part of his character arc could be for him to realize he doesn't have to be like his brother and he doesn't need his father's approval either.

Can you see the difference his friends make in Damian's life? His friends, including Anya, are helping become a different person than his brother. They're helping him realize he doesn't have to behave "like a Desmond" only, that it's okay to behave like a kid too.

Maybe that's why his mom wants him to be friends with Anya. She's a good influence on him.

It will be interesting to see if Damian's relationship with Demetrius changes over time. I would like to see that because Damian craves a relationship with his family. In my opinion, Melinda does love his youngest son (we don't know how she feels about Demetrius), but there's a reason why she won't go near him. At some point, we'll find out that reason.

Twilight and Anya

Just like Desmond, Twilight needs to get into those imperial scholar gatherings. That's why Anya needs to get those stellas. We could argue he's also using Anya like Donovan used Demetrius, but there are a few key differences:

1.Anya knows and is helping him willingly, because she knows her papa's purpose: to keep peace (and make a world where children don't have to cry).

2.The way Twilight encourages Anya earn those stellas. Yes, he makes her study (helps her too), like any parent would, but he also lets Anya be herself! Twilight wants Anya to have a balanced life, to have friends, to have fun, to play, to watch TV, to go on outings and even travel as a family.

He's not forcing her to study 24/7 so she turns into a stella-earning machine, because he knows there's more to life than stellas and good grades and because he wants the best for his child, over his mission (even when he's not ready to admit that).

3.This whole thing is transforming him. Unlike Desmond, Twilight is becoming more human. He no longer serves his own purpose (even if that purpose is for peace). Now, he's a father and has to put his daughter's wellbeing first.

Do you need proof?

Here, Twilight asked the question we've all been dying to ask.

As a spy, he would have pushed his daughter to remember her past so she would answer the question. But instead...

He realized those memories could be painful and didn't want his daughter to think about that, so he just tells her to forget about it...Why? Because Anya's past doesn't matter. Even when it could be advantageous for his mission, he chooses to let it go for his daughter's sake and because she already has a family with Yor, Bond, and him.

Donovan and Damian

I wonder if at some point Donovan Desmond will try to use Damian for his own purpose. If that happens, I'm sure Damian won't turn his dad down, he'll be happy his father finally acknowledges him and will be happy to spend time with him.

My gut has been screaming that Damian and Donovan are a foil of [Redacted] and his dad. And not only that...Remember when that awful man made Anya cry during the Eden Interview and Twilight lost it? I suspect the relationship between Damian and Donovan Desmond could be a big trigger for Mr. Spy.

Since most of the characters in SxF are morally gray, I suspect Donovan Desmond will be the same. Maybe he'll turn out to be a good leader who wants the best for his country and wants to prevent the war, but at the same time is an abusive husband and father.

Would Twilight be okay with that now that he is a father and a husband himself?

At some point, Twilight will probably have to choose between his family and his mission and Donovan Desmond is his mission...🤔

[lenaariewrld]

C.27 — lovesick puppy(w)

ON THE AIR — childe x reader smau

| SYNOPSIS;; Teyvat University’s popular radio personality, Y/n L/n, has only one gripe with her life. Her classmate, neighbour, and all-around nuisance in her life, Tartaglia. Their rivalry extends just past academics and, to her horror, into her work. He becomes the music director and co-host for her radio show, working alongside her most nights and forcing himself even deeper into her life. But is he really trying to just be friends, or is there an ulterior motive to his actions?

| WC: 2.4k

previous! ~ masterlist ! ~ next!

The morning you end up spending with your friends is relaxing. It’s a once-in-a-blue moon event, where all three of you are completely free for a majority of the day. Once you all wake up and get yourselves properly caffeinated, you laze around. You end up telling Cyno and Ganyu about the entire timeline with you and Childe, and all your internal thoughts.

You feel significantly lighter, like a great burden lifted off your shoulders. It’s funny how you never realised just how much keeping all of those tiny details away from your dearest friends had affected you. And then you told them and it was fine. Better than better.

Cyno leaves later in the afternoon for work, and you and Ganyu chill before splitting off for your own activities for the day. You all agree to meet up later at the other woman’s apartment to get ready for the party.

The hours pass by in a breeze, by the time you’re all dolled up you completely forgot any anxieties that had built up in the past few weeks. Worries about your friends and their care for you, worries about childe ajax, worries about your social and academic life. All of it seemed to be much easier to handle when Ganyu waltzed around her living room with you or when Cyno twirled your hair into pigtails while you applied your finishing touches of makeup.

When you finish up, the three of you head out, opting to use an uber rather than having a designated driver. It wasn’t like you were planning on getting too drunk, but better to be safe than sorry in your opinion.

You make it to the party after plugging the address Childe had texted you into your phone. And after a rather slow and awkward conversation with your uber driver.

You three step inside the party, arriving with little introduction. You look around immediately, searching for the familiar head of ginger curls. However, instead of spotting Childe, you notice a couple of his friends through the crowd, mostly able to make out the figures of Ayato and Kaeya. You wave at them. Before you can divert or anything, though, your white-haired friend grabs your hand and pulls you towards the kitchen for some drinks.

“Welcome, we have beer, tequila, or our own special recipe; Santa’s punch!” One of the hockey players you don’t know the name of greets the two of you as you shuffle into the kitchen. He motions to different parts of the counter decorated with cups and buckets of ice. How they set up that much liquor you will never know, but you don’t care to ask.

“Set me up with that punch,” You agree readily, you and Cyno sharing a mischievous look as you take your red plastic cups and clink them together.

Santa’s punch, as it turns out, is one motherfucker of a drink. Be advised to never accept a random named concoction from a frat boy or athlete at a holiday house party. Never.

As you sip from your second refill of the mysterious drink, which was settling a nice warmth and buzz in your chest, you make a couple laps around the party. You knew quite a few people here. Or, at least, quite a few people knew you and came up to strike a conversation with you. You entertained most of them, happy to catch up with classmates or people who listened to your show. A couple more laps in, you get pulled into random games of pong or shot contests.

You dance with Ganyu a couple times, or check on Cyno who happily chats with his roommate and his friends outside, or chat with Childe’s friends whenever you run into them. Eventually, you depart briefly from the party after getting a glass of water from the kitchen, crashing on a nearby couch.

The substances in your system were still a light buzz, but it was starting to reach your head, creeping up the corners of your rational thinking.

You feel the couch dip and hum when you notice Thoma took a seat beside you. “How are you liking the party?” He asks, holding out his glass to clink with yours. You oblige and take a large gulp of your water.

“It’s fun,” You giggle, adjusting yourself to sit up straighter on the couch. “I’m surprised there aren’t more… festivities,” You joke, laughing when Thoma pulls a face. He rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah, it was gonna be way worse originally. I talked ‘em out of hanging snowman string lights and putting up inflatable reindeer, though,” He informs you, the both of you sharing a laugh. The both of you continue to chat casually while you relax. He sips from his cup, occasionally. Halfway through some anecdote you’re saying, he perks up when he notices something across the way. You glance in the direction he’s looking in just as he’s stood up, your words forgotten.

“Oh, what the fuck is he doing now…”

Your brows furrow as Thoma whispers under his breath, standing up as well. You notice Kaeya standing by the bigger speakers, where the largest congregation of people are, a microphone in his hand. He clears his throat and the music turns down a little. A couple people boo.

“Sorry, sorry, everyone! I just wanted to make an announcement tonight, because it’s a very special time here,” The man apologises, his words not only catching your interest but seemingly the interest of everyone else in this part of the house. Thoma slips away but you stay put where you are, staring over the crowd at the dark-haired man addressing everyone.

Somehow, it seems like he’s just looking at you as he speaks.

He adjusts his hold on the microphone. “So, you see, I have an exciting update about one of my friends. You all might have heard of him. Mr Tartaglia, aka “Childe”?” Kaeya pauses as quite a few people cheer or respond similarly to his rhetorical question. “Well, recently, I’ve started noticing my friend acting odd. He seems so lighthearted now, way more than he ever was around me or any of us, his friends! And I was thinking, how could he be that way? Then I realized who finally got him out of his shell!”

This time you know Kaeya is looking at you as he speaks, finishing his words by pointing directly at where you’re standing by the couch. Your eyes widen as quite a few people turn their heads, more and more party-goers becoming piqued by the public scene happening right in front of them. “This woman right here!” Kaeya laughs, and though it’s light and charming like usual, it sends chills down your spine.

Why do you feel dread? Why does this feel like an omen?

He tilts his head as he looks over the crowd. “Okay, I can tell a couple of you are confused so let me clue you in on what’s going on,” He dramatically clears his throat and straightens his posture. Now everyone is positively enthralled by his words, his voice calm despite the slight slur and unbalance that he seems to be holding himself up with.

“Childe made a bet with us!” He laughs again, and all of a sudden you feel your chest grow tight. The buzz you had disappears as your blood runs cold, your body feeling a million tons heavier. “He bet us that if he could get Ms Y/n L/n to fall in love with us, he’d get complete control of our band! Despite the fact that he only writes the songs for us, that didn’t stop him! But you know what might?” Kaeya is giggling like a little kid sharing the funniest joke they’ve ever heard as he continues. His words buzz in your ears.

“What might stop him is the fact he’s just a lovesick puppy… Ironic really, given how Y/n over there was supposed to be head over heels for him while he hated her guts.. Or maybe he’s just a really good actor!” Kaeya stumbles a step to the side, but he never looks away from you. He smiles cruelly, his gaze cold as he stares you down. “And if you doubt me, ask how Diluc knew to ask for his help as your co-host–Hey–!” The man’s nonchalant shrug is interrupted as Thoma and Scaramouche rush forward to snatch the microphone away from him, insistently clawing it out of his fingers.

“Sorry everyone! Please ignore him, he’s had too many drinks!” Thoma pleads with an awkward chuckle.

But the damage has been done. Your heart is being squeezed in your chest, growing heavy and cracked as his words sink into your brain and poke their way through the alcohol fog. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, the pieces clicking into place a little too neatly.

Childe’s convenient placement as your co-host, his insistence on talking to you, on seeing you, of ‘being on even footing’. Everything seems clear as day now for his true intentions, and suddenly everything becomes a guessing game, requiring a thorough second pass to decipher if you were being fooled all along or if there was any genuine intentions in the man’s actions.

It doesn’t matter, anyway. He still did it. And he, more importantly, didn’t tell you himself.

You feel suffocated in the atmosphere of the party, the eyes of people staring at you becoming too much. Your lungs can’t seem to work properly and your vision is getting fuzzy. Abruptly, you turn to leave, not sparing a glance at anyone or even wasting your time looking for your friends. You simply text them to meet you outside.

You can’t believe it. You shouldn’t.

And yet, it makes too much sense.

You trudge out of the house with your head swimming. The thoughts, snacks, and alcohol swirl around your stomach in a dangerous mix. You can feel the bile crawling up your throat. Thankfully, you stumble towards the lawn just in time to regurgitate your stomach’s contents onto the manicured grass, your breathing heavy. Harsh blinks keep you from completely doubling over, and a hand on each of your knees gives you a moment to catch your breath.

“Y/n? You alright?” Childe’s voice pulls you from the nauseating dizziness of your world and you round on your heels to face him. His face is contorted in concern, worry pinching his lips and brows together.

He was a damn good actor.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” You sneer venom as he reaches out to you, taking a large step back to maintain some distance. He pauses at this, his eyes widening as the crack in your voice, thick with too many emotions getting caught in your throat.

“What’s wrong?” He tries again, holding his hands up as if to show he means no harm. He can tell you’re on edge by the way your arms wrap around yourself, tears starting to roll down your cheeks. And he so desperately wishes you would tell him what was wrong, would let him pull you into his arms and wipe the tears off your pretty face until you feel better.

That doesn’t happen.

“What’s wrong is you’re a piece of shit, Tartaglia.” You seethe, noticing how Childe flinches at the way you say his name. Noticeably not Ajax or Taru, which you’d taken to calling him recently. You’re trying desperately not to sob, your emotions running high enough as is. His presence isn’t making it any better. “Your stupid bullshit, all this playing around with other people, better fucking be worth it. Because you’re going to end up alone carrying on like this,” You scoff, “Not that you care, right? As long as you win a bet,”

You see the color drain from his face, and you almost feel a sick satisfaction from seeing his concern for you morph into some horrified expression. “What did you hear–?”

“Enough,” You cut him off, holding up your hand to keep him from talking. He stands there dumbly, staring at you as you move past him, making your way towards the street.

“Wait, Y/n, let’s talk about this,” He calls after a second, seeming to snap out of his head. He attempts to follow you, but only gets a few steps before the front door slams open. Cyno and Ganyu rush forward into the cold night air.

Cyno stares between the two of you, seeing you taking deep breaths, hiccuping every now and then as your cheeks shimmer with tears. “What the fuck happened?” His voice is cold, and he turns to finally look at Childe, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What did you say?” In a split second, he’s stepped between you and the ginger man, shoving him back when he tries to skirt around Cyno.

“Cy, just leave him alone,” You murmur, leaning into Ganyu’s hold as she wraps her arms around your shoulders. The two men stare each other down, not wanting to move from their spot. “Cyno. Drop it.” You snap this time, calling his attention. He sneers at the ginger before he turns to you, taking you all in. His eyes soften, taking notice of the flush in your cheeks, your eyes red and already starting to get puffy.

“Y/n..” Childe attempts one more time. You glare in his direction. You already felt like shit, your heart dragging by your feet as you mustered the courage to keep walking. You didn’t need him trying to make amends to this shitty situation. You just needed him to leave you alone.

“Don’t ever talk to me,” You declare. Grabbing Cyno and Ganyu’s hands, you march away. The other girl keeps her arms around you, smoothing her hand over your hair while you let your tears fall freely. The three of you walk in silence to the end of the street before calling an uber, the fun atmosphere and lighthearted banter from before disappearing. 

You knew, logically, there was a chance Kaeya was just spouting bullshit just to get a reaction and to make a boring night more exciting. But you doubted it. It made too much sense. And besides, how’d he know Diluc was the one who found Childe to be the new co-host if he wasn’t telling the truth? Your chest felt hollow as your thoughts kept circling around this…

Maybe you should’ve kept hating Childe..

———

A/Ns: tada, the reveal!! as always, likes/reblogs/comments are greatly appreciated, lmk ur thoughts or wtv and don't forget to drink some liquid <33

TAGLIST: @popiizpops @scaradooche @yourfavoritefreakyhan @neversore @monocerosei @dontmindtheevie @kittywagun @yumidepain @kazumiku @hanilessa @nrviine @wren-art @state-of-grac3

[wonwoosthetic]

Finding something to fight for update coming back anytime soon…? Love this story 💜

a/n: i looooove writing for this series so so so much, thank you for enjoying it so far!! Here I have part 2 of how the reader and Joel met! Yes, there’s not much romance going on (just yet! the next part will be about their first few dates) but a lot have asked for a part 2 and since Joel is a single father who was left by his wife, I can imagine love for a random woman wouldn’t come easy to him ˙ᵕ˙ I still hope you and everyone reading this will enjoy and stay tuned for future chapters! Thank you for reading and thank you for sticking around to see more of their story unfold!🫶🏼

Btw: I changed the name of the series, I hope people won’t be too confused! <3

You’re Lonely. I Can Fix That. Pt. 2

pairing – Joel Miller x female!reader; Tommy Miller x female!reader (platonic!)

word count – 16.2k (don’t even get me started, this is starting to feel like a slow-burn😭)

warnings – fighting, tiniest bit of cursing, bad writing of southern accents (somebody pls teach me)

synopsis – part 2 of this request; slowly but we’re getting there ˙ᵕ˙ the reader and Joel are getting closer🤭

series masterlist

1999

You did, in fact, not find a way to contact him. At least none that wouldn't require you to jump over your shadow and contact Tommy Miller first.

Every afternoon you had to spend in your parents' restaurant mostly consisted of you standing by the counter, and your head shooting up at the sound of the door opening. None of those times had it been either one of the Miller brothers - but each time you had hoped it would be. Praying and pleading that the universe had some last specks of luck left for you. But it seemed like destiny was not on your side at that time. Or maybe it was. How could you possibly know if he was as good as he pretended to be? Maybe the kindness Joel had shown you was just his way of holding up a normal conversation with no ulterior motives after all. Asking you about your future plans and dreams, telling you about his daughter, and driving you home seemed to be just the naturally kind gestures of a Southern gentleman... Or maybe it was just an act and in reality, whoever was up there was saving you from a big mistake before it could even happen. 

'I think that if he was a real gentleman and if the looks he gave you were real, he'll find a way to contact you.'

Maria's words were once again haunting you. Even with your hopes already slowly vanishing in ever seeing the oldest Miller again. He was a gentleman, no doubt. He had to be... right? There was almost no possible way he had put on a mask before entering that bar. But...

You shook your head. Your best friend might be a good people reader, but she's also well-known for her delusions. It was fun and made life much more exciting, that you had to agree with. Having a campus crush and calling him 'your man' when all he did was thank you and call the essay you wrote a 'great piece of work', was how you kept life interesting. It was easy entertainment. Normally, it was all fun and games, something you could tease each other with, but this was different. Because with Joel, you noticed it too. You may not have noticed the 'looks he gave you', but what man would just 'like to make sure you got home safe'? Or maybe you were potentially just looking too much into it. Maybe Maria had already infected you with her delusions.

'It's a small town, it can't be that hard.'

Well... it seemed to be very hard because it had already been close to a month. And neither of you had found a way or were interested enough to look for one. At some point, you had to get the fantasy of Joel Miller you had made up in your mind out of your head. There was no way a man could possibly occupy such a big part of your brain and control how you'd act at work.

There was only one man in the past who had the same kind of grip on you as Joel Miller now had. And that guy broke your heart when he admitted to cheating on you and getting Chlamydia from the college girl he fucked. Fun times...

Other than that, the topic of boyfriends hadn't ever been more than just plain and simple entertainment for you. You didn't use them. And you never would, because, after all, you were a lover girl at heart. But they just didn't make you nervous. Usually.

You could vividly recall each and every time you managed to make a man bring you to his house and let you spend the night, just as much as the number of times you barked at them to leave you alone in a club. Yes, they were big and scary men, but you were a woman raised by an older sister who inherited the generational trauma from your mother and anger issues from your father. If you didn't want them near you, you wouldn't let them.

Crushes came and went, and the ones that stayed, you were usually able to turn into something as serious as a few fun nights or even take it a little further and turn them into the two relationships you have had in the past. But that was it. 'Chlamydia boy', as Maria had baptized him, was the last one you had let occupy your mind as much as he did. 

That was until Joel goddamn Miller, in his 6ft, wide shoulders, itty bitty waist, rough hands, curly hair, shaggy beard, and grungy voice glory, just had to walk into that bar. Now you were daydreaming about a 30-year-old construction worker and single father all while he was probably just enjoying the evenings off-duty he got to spend with his daughter, looking forward to the next parent-teacher conference where the other mothers would be gawking at him and drooling while following him around like lost puppies.

That's how you found yourself. A birthday and a whole month later, in your family's restaurant just like almost every afternoon. You had finished another small exam and were finally able to enjoy the first rays of sunshine that were peeking through the clouds during the colder winter months on the way to work. But even the big windows couldn't even to some extent let you feel the freedom and fresh air from the outside. Sometimes you wondered if you should at some point regret coming back to Texas to help your family. 

Back then, you had been ecstatic about the mere thought of moving away, seeing more than what that small town you grew up in had to offer. That's why you decided to study out of state. You started building your life out there. A new life. But one call from your mother, asking you to come back was all it took. You couldn't tell her simply 'no'. Not when she was explaining that your father, due to his age, was advised not to work normal shifts on his legs anymore as they were slowly giving up on him. So, you listened to her. You packed your bags and came back. You found a place of your own and a roommate to share it with. You were accepted into the college you so desperately tried to avoid during the application process back in high school and continued your studies only 30 minutes away from the house you grew up in and the garden you used to play in.

You weren't allowed to regret your decision. Not if it meant helping your parents keep the restaurant alive they had worked their entire life for.

"Where's my daughter?" The frantic voice of your mother made you sigh out loud as you made sure to fix the name tag on the right side of your shirt. "Is she here already?" Her quick footsteps echoed through the kitchen until they stopped in the doorway of the small staffroom.

"I'm here, Mom," you answered her with the slightest hint of annoyance. The simple sound of her stressed-out sound and heavy breathing could get your blood pumping in an instant. She has always been a stressed person - making situations much more hectic than needed.

A heavy huff fell from her lips. "Y'are late," she simply stated.

With a roll of your eyes, you passed her, putting your hair up in a ponytail just like you usually would. "I'm not late, I had an exam. I told you that."

"I guess, I forgot... 'bout that...," she thought out loud. "Anyways," she was quick to change the subject, hot on your tracks, following you up to the counter overlooking the somewhat empty tables. You only could sigh again. "I'll have to leave earlier today. I need to go to the pharmacy before it closes. The doctor gave ya dad a new prescription," she explained. Another new one... was there ever going to not be another medication this man would be put on? The medical bills were already piling up - you remembered the stack of letters addressed to your father you had seen just the day before when you came over for the usual Sunday family dinner.

"Y'are okay with closing? Jimmy might stay with ya if I ask him." Jimmy, the head chef of the kitchen behind you and a long-family friend. He was in his fifties and had a wife and three kids waiting at home for him each night.

You shook your head, "No, it's fine. I... I think I can clean up by myself, but thanks," sending her a tight smile that got a big grin out of her.

"Great!" She grabbed your shoulders, giving them a quick squeeze. "I'll leave in a bit, alrigh'?" You nodded as an answer, your eyes already on the notes for the day your mother had put on the counter, out of eyesight from customers. And with that, you got to work.

Mondays weren't all that busy, usually. The construction workers from around the area would come in and order their usual big servings that had been keeping the family business going. Some teenagers spent their lunch break by the tables, working on their homework and having a quick meal. Just like every other day.

With a sigh, you pushed through the swinging door, separating the kitchen from the counter area of the restaurant. Three plates filled with the extra portions some of the construction workers asked for balances on your hands and left arm. In moments like this, you were thankful for the low number of customers. You rushed over to bring them their food in a respectful time, getting a round of charming 'thank you's in return, to which you nodded politely.

Just as you were about to get back behind the counter, hoping to find the next thing to focus on until new customers would come in, your eyes found a familiar face, sitting in a booth all by themselves. You smiled to yourself, watching the little kid's head buried in the book in front of them as they frantically continued to write something down with their right hand. 

It was the Parker's son, Miles. A young, very bright boy, who was way too mature for his age of only 10. The first time you had seen him in your parent's restaurant, you thought somebody had forgotten him. But no, he just enjoyed the background noises of the diner in the background while doing his schoolwork. He usually showed up a few times a week, would take a seat quietly and not ask for anything unless a waiter or waitress came over to him first. 

As you began working part-time, you took on the responsibility of being that exact person. You'd approach him and ask him for his order, adding a free hot chocolate or lemonade to whatever he desired - you paid for it out of your own pocket by the end of the day.

"Well hello, young man," you walked up to the boy with a soft smile on your face. The sound of your voice made him look up, pushing his glasses back up higher on the bridge of his nose.

"Hi, Y/N," he grinned at you shyly. It was only then you realised how much you had missed his rosy cheeks.

"I haven't seen you in so long. I got worried already," you admitted. It was the truth. You hadn't seen him in a good three weeks, which was very much out of the ordinary. In a small town, you would've expected to hear rumours and chatter about every family, but the Parkers seemed like a mystery to most apparently.

Miles shrugged, his eyes back down to his book. "I'm okay."

The tone of his voice told you otherwise. He wasn't a very expressive kid, to begin with, so the change in his tone stood out.

"Are you sure?" You quietly sat down on the opposite side of the booth. You were in no position to interrogate him, and neither were you the best with children - at least that's what you thought. But you were a good advice giver and could read a room usually pretty well.

It took a few seconds of silence before he spoke up again. "Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce."

Oh.

The instability of his family was no secret - your mother had caught you up with everything going on behind their closed doors as she and Miles' grandmother were part of the Saturdays' flea market in town. And that woman had no filter when it came to the 'monster of a husband her daughter had married'.

"I see," you nodded gently. "And... you're okay with that?" It was a stupid question, yes, but how else were you supposed to not just let him sit in misery, the thoughts of his parent's divorce occupying way too much of this little kid's mind.

"I think so, yes." Miles looked at the side of the table, his pencil gliding over a crack in the wood, "Grammy said it's good. And Mommy has been crying less. So... I think I'm happy."

Your heart shattered just hearing his words. No child should ever have to go through something like that.

"Daddy said I'm not allowed to come here anymore." You glanced at him with a slight scrunch in your eyebrows. "But now I live with Mommy and Grammy, and they don't really care where I am after school, so I came back," he sent you an innocent bright smile. His bright face almost sent tears to your eyes.

"They do care where you are Miles," you tried to explain to him, not even knowing if it was the truth, but why should a child even dare to think that the authority figures in his life didn't 'care' about him. "They just... they probably know how happy you are whenever you're here. That's why they let you come over."

You noticed as he tried to avoid your eyes, glancing out the window as he spoke, "But I'm only happy when you're here too," he admitted.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you took a deep breath, about to give him an answer back, wanting to let him know how much brighter your day got whenever you got to see him, but he beat you to it.

"That's Sarah Miller," his finger was pressed up against the glass. "With her dad." Unfazed, he turned his attention back to his notes. "His name's Joel."

"What?" You accidentally muttered out, your head snapping to the window. The black pick-up truck came right into view. The one he brought you home in. Your eyes followed his every move as he opened one of the back doors, helping his daughter out of the car. He held out a hand for her to take, but she ignored it and jumped with a big smile. A whole goddamn month it took for you to finally see his face again. 30 days, if not more. Just as you had been on the verge of forgetting about your encounter with the oldest Miller brother, he suddenly decided to show up. At your family's restaurant out of all places. 

Frozen in place, you couldn't help but stare, forgetting about the fact that a window worked both ways. You got lucky as he seemed to not have seen you, passing by and walking over to the front door while Sarah was skipping around the parking space in excitement. The pounding heart in your chest made you gulp.

"How do you know them?" You suddenly asked.

Miles continued to write in his notebook. "Sarah's in my class. She's nice."

"And-"

"I told her about this restaurant. Told her I like you and the food. And the free drink you always bring me," he sent you a quick grin, making you chuckle. The smile vanished quickly though as the sound of the bell above the entrance door rang through the room. To everyone else, it was just another customer coming in, but to you, it was the desperate crush on a 30-year-old man, who had no business occupying your mind as much as he did. There was no time to continue your daydream of finally seeing him again as he and his little one walked further into the restaurant, looking around to see which empty table they'd claim. Joel proposed the one in the corner right next to the door, which Sarah seemed to be okay with after taking another quick glance around the open space. They'd be waiting for someone to come and take their order. And that someone should be you. It had to be you. There was no other waiter on shift for this afternoon.

"I'll be right back," you quickly excused yourself, making Miles glimpse at you in slight confusion at your rushed tone, but the notebook in front of him was much more interesting anyway.

With a few deep breaths, you strutted across the floor, brushing over the apron covering the front of your thighs. You passed the register area to snatch the small notepad you used during your shift before finally making your way over to the duo.

Just before you were close enough to their table to stop, you heard the girl's faint voice mumble, "He said he'd be here." Her head turned upwards to grin at you as soon as you came to a halt, pen and paper in your grip.

"Hey, what can I get for you, guys?" You clicked the back of the bullet point pen.

Joel snapped his head up, his brown eyes staring at you as soon as your voice registered in his head. His lips parted, stopping for a second before he spoke up.

"O-Oh- hey," he sat up straighter.

"Hi," you smiled at him, slapping yourself internally at greeting him a second time when you literally just did that.

"Hey," he nodded, his lips curling up just a bit. "Y/N... right?"

While the name Joel Miller had branded itself onto your brain, he seemed to not even be sure about your first.

You nodded with a tight smile that was close to disappearing, but you had to keep a professional face on, "Yeah- yeah, Y/N," and pointed to yourself like an idiot. His eyes didn't leave your face, almost dragging you in, but you were quick to snap back, the sound of someone clearing the throat to your left catching you off-guard.

"Introduce me, Dad," Sarah tried to whisper, holding her hand to the wrong side of her mouth, where you could still clearly see her lips moving.

"Hm?" Joel's head turned towards her, "Oh- that's... that's Sarah. My daughter."

With a wide grin, the girl reached her hand out to you, which you gladly accepted, shaking it with a similar facial expression.

"Nice to meet you, Sarah."

"It's very nice to meet you too, Y/N." Once she dropped your hand again, her gaze quickly flicked over to her dad, who politely coughed into his elbow. "Do you know my, Dad?" She suddenly wondered.

"I- ehm...," you were quick to open your mouth before you could even come up with a full reply, wanting to kick yourself in the shin.

Thankfully, Joel decided to answer her, "She's a friend of Uncle Tommy."

Sarah gasped, her eyes widening, "You know Uncle Tommy too?" She gazed up at you in amazement, making you chuckle. Calling you a 'friend' was much easier than explaining your relationship with him to a 9-year-old, so you accepted it.

You nodded, "I do. I met him a long time ago." Not a lie.

"Cool," she said out loud, looking down at her intertwined fingers on top of the table. "What do you-"

"Babygirl, you wanted to eat, didn't you?"

The voice of her dad made her lift her head to grin at him, "Can I get pancakes?"

Joel put the menu he was holding down with a soft sigh, but a kind curl to his lips, "You can ask Y/N if you want to."

Quickly, she whipped her head towards you, "Can I have pancakes, please?"

You couldn't hold back a subtle chuckle. "Of course." The fact that pancakes were on your breakfast menu was unimportant. If the girl wanted pancakes, you'd get her her pancakes, even if it was close to 5pm. "And for you?" You turned to the man on your right.

"Can I get a simple turkey sandwich? And a black coffee?"

You nodded, writing down just quick abbreviations to remember their order. "Coffee's free here," you added.

"Oh, great," he commented, putting his hands down on the table, "That's all then."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

"Thank you," Joel gave you a nod and a grin, his attention back to his little girl as soon as you turned around and heard her whisper.

"Why do you know so many people?" Making you chuckle.

In the kitchen, you handed over their orders to Jimmy, who glanced at you with a frown, re-reading your handwriting on the piece of paper.

"Pancakes? At 5?"

"Can you do that? It's for a little girl, she's really sweet."

With a wink, he moved over to the stove, "'Course I can, no worries."

You grinned, "Thanks, Jimmy."

Getting a, "No worries, kid," in return.

Just as you were about to leave, you made a stop at the fridge, opening it to get the glass jug of homemade lemonade. Along with three clean glasses from the cabinets right above your head. You filled them up equally before putting the lemonade back and heading out to the counter again, balancing all three on a tray. You didn't expect the man standing right across from you, making you stop in your tracks.

"Hey," Joel smiled at.

"Hi," you copied him. Again, feeling the need to slap yourself. How many times have you now said these two words in exchange to each other? 

"I...," he started, looking around the empty bar area. His hands glided into the back pockets of his jeans before he locked eyes with you again. "I'm sorry, I... Sarah- she forgot to order a drink. Is it okay if I- can I do that here?"

"Yeah," you nodded your head frantically, putting down the tray, as your eyes landed on the filled-up glasses. "I- I was actually just about to bring two of these over to you guys." Taking them into your grip and lifting them to his eyesight.

"Oh- did she-"

"They're like a... signature thing here. I thought you'd... might want something to drink." You placed them down on the bar top, "On the house."

"Oh no, I can't let-" he started, but you were already shaking your head.

"No worries. A little welcome gift," you brushed him off, your fingers slowly digging into the wood below you.

Slightly hesitant, Joel reached out for the two lemonades.

"Gotta keep the customers coming back somehow," you added with a soft chuckle, getting a humourous laugh from him in return.

"Yeah... well..." he turned back to take a quick glance at his daughter before looking back at you, "we might be coming back more often anyways. Sarah got a recommendation from a classmate... and she's been really beggin' me to take her here. And we were in the area, so..."

"Miles, yeah... he- he told me," you nodded along with his storytelling, fidgeting with the dainty bracelet on your wrist - an older Christmas gift from your sister.

Joel raised his eyebrows in interest, "You know him?"

"Yeah," you nudged your head over to the left side of the diner, with the boy in the only occupied booth, "He's sitting over there."

"Aah...," he took a deep breath in, "Gotta make sure to tell Sarah," he mumbled slightly more to himself, but you were still able to catch it.

"Are they friends?"

Joel slightly shrugged his shoulder, "I guess so, yeah... they're both in an advanced Math course for middle schoolers, so... yeah."

"Advanced Math?" You wondered in astonishment. He hadn't told you all too much about her back in the car a few weeks ago, so this was news to you. You knew Miles was in that course, Christ, he had proven it to you many times before whenever you asked if he needed help with his homework, but you didn't know Joel's daughter went the same path. "A little genius."

"Yeah," the older Miller brother chuckled, looking down at his feet, "Kinda like you," he met your eyes. "I mean- not like you... really... because, you know, not... College level, but... she- she's interested in it too. But I- I guess... I don't know if she's really interested in it, but she seems to enjoy it so far, so..."

If your eyes and ears weren't playing with you, you could almost hear a slight added raspiness to his voice as he tried to avoid your gaze, talking on and on about his daughter. The grin making its way onto your lips was only an indication of your amusement at his rambling.

"I understand," you laughed. "Smart girl."

He nodded gently to himself, "That she is... she sure is..."

Your awkward chuckle was followed by a second of silence. Maybe a few seconds, actually. Joel could've excused himself to go back to the booth they chose, but he didn't even move an inch. Not even made an indication that he wanted to leave. Your eyes travelled around the counter, trying to look for something to busy yourself with, but there were no notes left, every other customer (there weren't a lot) seemed to be happy, so there was nowhere to go for you. You were stuck to stand still across from him, forced to bring the conversation to a halt as neither one of you knew what to possibly say next. Not until you went through each line that had spilled from his lips, remembering-

"You said you were in the area? Do you live here... or...?" What a smart move. Ask the stranger if he lived close to where you're working, fucking creep.

Joel cleared his throat, politely holding up a fist to his lips. "No no, she- Sarah... she has soccer practice every Monday 'round here."

"Oh," your eyes lit up, "At the old Ramson's field?" The corners of the man's lips curled up at the mention of the area that was once a strawberry farm. It was sold years ago by an elderly couple, the Ramsoms, to give the kids a place to run around freely. Somebody took the chance and turned it into a local soccer team's training ground.

"Yeah, exactly that. You know it?"

You nodded excitedly, "My sister used to go there. She was really active. Always the sporty one in the family, you know..."

For a second, Joel pursed his lips, smiling to himself before he answered. "So... sister's the sporty one and you're the smart one? Your parents got lucky."

"Well...," you talked down his compliment with a soft chuckle, "I don't know if I'd say I'm the smart one...," thinking about your next words for not longer than a second, "I did get in the car of a basically stranger who took me home while I was definitely intoxicated, so... don't know how smart that really is." Smirking at the mention of the evening.

The older Miller's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Why would you do- Oh." Stopping himself before he could continue. He shook his head with a laugh, "Right... yeah..." Just for a second, he had forgotten how truly unfortunate, or maybe not so unfortunate, your first meeting actually had been. "But," he took a deep breath in, "You got home safe. So it was a smart move, I guess."

"I got home very safe, yes," you agreed, a dreamy smile playing on your lips, as you pulled your hands back to yourself, feeling the chipped wood digging into your fingertips. "Thank you, again... really."

"All good," he gave you an assuring nod, "Rather getting in the car of a stranger than hangin' out with Tommy's group of... whatever they are."

You couldn't hold back the laughter coming from your lungs at his clear dislike of his younger brother's group of friends. Already back in the bar, it was clear to tell Joel was not a fan of them or the comments they made or truly anything about them all together, and he seemed to like making that very clear. He joined in your laughter with a slightly softer one, only to be interrupted as a voice from behind you suddenly shouted out.

"Pancakes and a ham sandwich!" Jimmy came through the swinging doors, the two plates in each of his hands as he stood next to you.

You turned to the side, giving him a quick smile.

"Oh- you were quick, thanks."

"I can take 'em," Joel was about to reach out, wanting to take his order, when you stopped him.

"No, no, it's fine. I'll bring them over," you assured him. "In a second."

"You sure?" He asked you cautiously.

You nodded, your lips pressed together tightly. "A girl's gotta work," you shrugged with a smile.

Joel gave you a quick nod before taking the two glasses of lemonade and going back to his table, the eyes of the little girl waiting for him getting big as she saw what he had brought along. You grinned at the sight.

"Y'sure you wanted to make the girl happy or the dad?" The old man's voice rang through your ear. Your head snapped towards him, taking a step in defence back.

"'Xcuse me?"

Jimmy shook his head in amusement, putting down the two plates of food. "I was in there tryin' to avoid interruptin' you two, but Lord..."

"What?" You wondered, a slight edge to your tone as you were interested in hearing what he was about to say.

He glanced at you with a soft smirk. "It was painful listenin' to that poor attempt of a flirt."

"A flirt? By who?" 

"Y'know damn well by who," he pointed a strict finger at you, the smile still evident on his face as you tried to hide your own.

You arrogantly lifted your head, making sure to stick your nose up extra high as you crossed your arms. "I have no idea what you're talkin' abou'," purposely copying his very Southern accent badly. "That wasn't flirtin'."

"Damn right, it wasn't."

"Oh, I'm sorry that I don't have forty years of flirting experience," you bit back jokingly, about to snatch the two plates off the counter.

Jimmy scoffed with a shake of his head, "I wasn't talkin' 'bout you, darlin'." And with those words, he left through the doors again, going back into the kitchen.

You stopped in your tracks, hurriedly following him. 

"Wait-," you called out, "You think he was flirting with me?"

"A poor attempt of a flirt," he corrected you, his back already turned to you as he started cleaning the counters. Before you could say anything more, he stopped you with a raise of his hand, "Go back to work, sweet pea. We'll talk about this later," giving you a last wink.

-

Joel and Sarah got their meals, and you brought Miles his free lemonade as well. It was already past 7pm, almost closing time as you usually locked the doors at 8pm. Most customers had left, besides a few teenagers you decided to hang around for a bit, enjoying the cheap prices of the food. The father-daughter duo in the corner had split up, leaving the oldest Miller brother to sit alone at the table, his finger furiously trying to type out a message on his phone, only to give up with an annoyed sigh and switch to calling the person. His little girl had joined Miles at his table after her dad had told her that he was there.

It was a rare sight. You had never seen the young boy interact with people his age. Or really with anyone but you or your mom. Other adults had tried to make a few conversations work, only to be met with silence from him. He didn't enjoy talking to strangers much, understandably so. The sound of the two giggling brought warmth to your heart and a smile to your face. He hardly ever grinned as much with you as he did right at that moment with her. You had no idea he even had people around him that could make him this happy. He didn't even smile at his mother when you once saw her pick him up. It was a one-time-only experience, he usually took the bus home alone. Sometimes you accompanied him, just out of fear and worry as to who would even think to let their own child travel by public transport in the dark. But maybe that was your big-city brainwashed mind talking and small-town parents saw the world completely differently than you did.

"We got any new ones?" Jimmy's smoker voice brought you back to the present and made your eyes leave the two kids to look at him.

You shook your head, "No, I think that was it for tonight, you can start closing up." You rarely ever got any new customers past 7:30, so you gave him the o.k. to clean up in the back while you started at the front.

Rounding the counter, you passed the tables, now empty, to get the last few plates and glasses that were left by people who had left merely a few minutes ago. Some others noticed you cleaning, handing you over everything they didn't need any more along the way. With full hands, you came back to the bar area, placing each dirty plate, glass, and mug on the window sill, between the front area with the kitchen. Jimmy gave you a grateful smile as he got a hold of them.

As you turned around, you were once again faced with the dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty of Joel Miller standing in front of you. He had stacked their two plates together, with the cutlery right on top, and the now empty lemonade glasses right next to them.

"Oh-," you chuckled, "Thank you," taking them off the counter to turn around and put them on the sill as well.

"It was really good, so, thank you," he commented with a tight smile.

"I'll let the chef know."

"The chef knows!" The older man shouted out from the kitchen, letting his head peak out the window with a big grin. His facial expression made both of you chuckle.

You turned back to face the oldest Miller, glancing up at him slightly shyly, not even trying to hide it. "You're leaving?"

Joel nodded, putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "Yeah... Tommy needs to get picked up. And Sarah's got school tomorrow. Gotta check if the homework's all done." You nodded along to every single word dripping from his lips, even daring to take a few quick glances down to see each movement and curve of them. "I mean- she always does them, I don't... I don't think she'd ever not do her homework, she'll even do them in short breaks or... in the car or something. But..."

"Just to make sure," you grinned at him, blocking his further rambling.

Joel nodded, a heavy breath falling from his lips, "Exactly... yeah..." He opened his mouth just a bit one more time, but wouldn't dare to speak, making you wait in silence, begging he would continue whatever his mind had come up with next.

He cleared his throat, looking over at his little girl, before switching back to you. "I- I should get her."

You gave him a hasty nod, "Yeah, yeah, of course."

Just as he passed the counter to walk over to the two kids who still seemed to be as giggly as they were 30 minutes ago, Joel turned back around.

He called out your name, making you whip your head around with hope.

"Yeah?"

"D'you know if his parents are gonna come pick him up?"

Not the question you were desperately waiting to come out of his mouth, but at least something.

You shook your head, "No, he usually takes the bus. I'll go with him after closing."

Hesitantly, but still, he nodded, mumbling a quick, "Alright," before continuing to make his way over to the other corner of the diner.

In the meantime, you got back to wiping down the front counter, before moving onto each table in the room. Even the ones that hadn't been used that day, you made sure to clean. In the position you were in, you could see Joel and Sarah heading for the front door, only to stop and wave at you.

"I'll see ya," the oldest Miller smiled, "Have a good night." You waved back, chuckling as Sarah excitedly waved as well.

"Bye, it was nice to meet you, Y/N!"

"You too, Sarah. Good night."

Your eyes didn't leave their forms until they were back in the car after Joel opened one of the doors on the passenger side in the back, waiting for his daughter to jump in. You couldn't help but grin at the sight. Other customers who passed you, said their goodbyes, making you walk over to their tables to collect the money they left for the food they had eaten. Arrived at the table the father-daughter had occupied merely minutes ago, you glanced at the money, counting the bills with your fingers only to realise the generous tip Joel had left for you. Damn it, there you were smiling again.

-

Miles was entertaining himself outside, still in the same booth while you joined Jimmy in the kitchen. Every table had been swiped over, the counter cleaned to perfection, the cashier counted and the money stored safely in the safe. You had found a comfortable place on top of one of the counters in the kitchen, a mug of the last bit of coffee that was in the pot now in your hand. Just as you were about to take a sip, a groan fell from your lips as the memory hit you.

"Huh? What?" The older man looked up from the floor he was sweeping over.

"I forgot to give him his coffee...," you mumbled out loud.

Jimmy's thick brows furrowed, "Who?"

"Joel..." He had ordered a black coffee. You had even told him it was free, and he never got to taste it... but then again, he didn't ask you a second time...

He seemed to think for a second before the corners of his lips curled up, "Aaah, Sir Handsome."

Your head shot up in confusion, "What? Sir Handsome? Really?"

Jimmy just shrugged, "That's what I'm gonna call him."

"His name's Joel. Joel Miller."

"Miller?!" He stopped in his tracks, coming to a halt with the chore, almost dropping the broom to sit against the counter. "From 'round here?"

You nodded.

"Miller, like Thomas Miller?!"

You glanced at him in confusion. "You mean Tommy Miller?"

The man rolled his eyes, "Whatever that punk's name was," and went back to cleaning up. His reaction got a chuckle out of you.

The name Tommy Miller, or like Jimmy sacred to call him, Thomas Miller, had embranded itself onto the entire staff of the Diner. Even past employees knew about him. Hell, even the food inspectors that used to come around once a year knew about him - he had the fantastic idea of following the lady around the diner like a lost puppy, flirting with her the entire time. The fact that she was well over 30 and he just a good 18 years old was so not important to him at the time.

He and his entourage were well-known around the area for multiple reasons. Their bad reputation had followed them all throughout their teenage and young adulthood, leaving a memory of their presence with each and every one who had ever come in touch with them.

"Yeah... they're... brothers."

With a clearly unamused facial expression, Jimmy glared at you, making you sit up straighter in an instant.

"Joel's the older one. And he's nothing like Tommy," you assured him. "I promise."

"And how d'you know that, young lady?" He popped his hip out to the right side, leaving the broom to lean against the counter as he took in his stance.

Jimmy might not be your father, but he's someone's. And you can tell. Your dad had been sick for longer than you'd like to remember, leaving Jimmy to take on the role of the next best thing of a male parental figure with a slight touch of a close friend.

"He- We...," you sighed, looking at the booth behind you to take a quick peek at Miles, colouring some pictures you had given him as entertainment. "I was at a bar-"

"When?" He nagged.

"Not too long ago."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago," you answered him with a sigh, trying to continue the story, when he interfered again. He shook his head, sighing your name out loud as he ran a hand over his face.

"Jimmy-"

"I won't tell your Mom, don't worry," he raised his hands in defence. "Just wantin' to know you were safe."

"I was," you told him, "partially thanks to Joel." Making him frown. "So. As I said. I was at a bar and Tommy, Joel's brother, was there with his group of friends-"

"Oh, Lord, help me...," Jimmy mumbled.

"Not his teenage friend group!" You called out, "I don't think so at least... I don't know," you brushed off the thought, "Anyways, I was there and Tommy invited me to sit with them. And at first, I wasn't really sure, but then Joel came too and I was like... why not, you know?" The older man gave you a knowing smirk. "But that quickly turned into a mistake because his friends, high school friends or not, were jerks, so I wanted to go home, but I had a few drinks, so Joel drove me home."

"You gave a random man your address?!"

"This is a small town!" You defended yourself, "If he was bad news, everyone would know!"

"That's not the point-"

"The point is!" You interrupted him, "I only got into his car because he was genuinely nice and the only one of them all that listened to me and actually seemed like he wanted to talk to me at that table." The part of your best friend technically forcefully reserving you a seat in the passenger side of his car was left out.

"Yeah...," Jimmy shook his head with a sigh, "You know who else was this charismatic?"

"Who?"

"Ted Bundy."

"Jimmy!" You threw your head back with a big laughter erupting from your lungs.

The audacity to even compare these two men.

"Dark hair, dark eyes, nice smile. Sounds like Ted to me." Like he knew the guy...

"You can't say that," you scolded him, wiping away the tear that had fallen from your eye in the middle of the fit of laughter. He joined you with a wholehearted chuckle, coming closer, to stand right across from you.

"So, what about him?" He suddenly turned serious, crossing his arms in front of his small beer belly.

You shrugged. "I like him," thinking for a second before continuing. "I only met him once- well, twice now, and I think he's really handsome. But... I don't know. I don't think he looks at me like that. This crush might be one-sided."

"Why not? Y'are a pretty lady!" He called out with another frown. It would let people believe he was mad when only compliments kept falling from his lips. "Ya smart, good with kids, polite. Why wouldn't he like ya?"

"He didn't even remember my name from the last time we met!"

Jimmy couldn't hide his smirk of amusement, "Sweetheart..."

"What? This isn't funny! I'm in a crisis."

"Y'are wearin' a name tag."

Your right hand immediately flew up to your chest and onto the plaque you always wore on the right side of your shirt. Glancing down, you saw the piece of plastic staring right back at you. How could you even forget that you were wearing that thing?

"But why..."

"I told ya," the old man shrugged his shoulder with a chuckle, "A poor attempt of a flirt."

You scoffed with a roll of your eyes, hopping down from the corner to take off the apron and mentioned tag. "That's really what you call flirting?"

"I think, he's a man probably somewhere around his thirties with a little girl by his side. How much female attention ya think he's been gettin'?"

"Have you seen him?" You stared at him with wide eyes. "I think quite a lot."

"Okay, how much female attention ya think he's lettin' get to him? This man probably hasn't even spent a night with another woman in YEARS. Where's the mom anyways?"

You shrugged, "Izzy said she got pregnant in college and everyone just thought he left her. But he has a daughter now and I hardly believe he would let his high school sweetheart alone with a baby while keeping one from another woman."

"Ya really thought a lot 'bout that, huh?"

With a smirk, you looked up at the ceiling before glancing to the side, trying to avoid his eyes as you mumbled, "Maybe a little..."

"If ya asked ya sister 'bout it, I doubt it was a little," he chuckled, noticing how riled up you were getting about the subject as you threw your apron on the counter.

"Alright! I thought about it a lot, okay?! I don't want to come off too strong when he has a whole family waiting for him at home. But so far... I don't think he has... but... I don't know." You crossed your arms in front of your chest. "I have to get my information somehow."

"Could also just ask him, ya know?" Jimmy tapped your head as he snatched your apron off the counter after taking off his own and heading towards the employees' closet.

"I feel like that's rude. Imagine just talking to someone, kinda 'cause you're forced to do it and suddenly she's all up your business, asking you about romantic partners and whatnot." You came to a halt in the doorway, leaning against it as you watched him pull out his jacket and hand you your own.

"I don't think he'd be flirtin' so poorly with a girl if he had someone at home. "He sent you a stern look, "And if he has and still does that, he's a piece of shit." Making you chuckle as you put on the piece of outerwear.

"Can you stop saying poor flirting? He was talking. Maybe he's trying. He was telling me about his daughter."

"Jesus, sweet pea, he told ya her entire life story. Ya could write her autobiography with all the ramblin' he did today," Jimmy joked, shaking his head in disbelief.

You laughed along with him as you grabbed your bag and headed back to the kitchen. "You're overreacting."

"Am not!" He told you. "The last time I sounded like that was when I tried to get to sweet talk my beautiful Betty." Your lips formed into a smile at the mention of his wife. This man could talk about her for HOURS. He's a true role model for the upcoming generation, and you were hopeful for his children getting to watch a couple truly in love right in front of their eyes.

"Plus," he added, "I have a cousin. Jeff. Single dad for three years. He's been tryin' to get himself out there again, and good God... Jesus help him. This man knows nothin'. Nothin'. That Joel kid reminds me of him a little," he stopped for a second to look at your blushed cheeks that had started to heat up. "Like I said, I didn't want to interrupt ya, but it was painful. Just like with Jeff."

You shook your head in defeat. There you had your confirmation. If what Maria had told you wasn't already enough, you better trust the wise words of a fifty-year-old man, married to the love of his life for a good thirty years.

"So," you cleared your throat, taking a deep breath in, "You think I have a chance?"

Jimmy sighed. He shook his head. After a step forward, he stopped right in front of you, placing both of his hands on your shoulders, only to cup your cheeks right after.

"My dear," he made sure you were looking him straight in the eyes. "I think ya could make a man build a castle with his bare hands for ya. And I think ya know that too."

You smirked, retrieving a small memory from that night in his truck. "Well... he is a constructor."

Jimmy gave you a laugh with his whole heart, pulling your face in to place a warm peck on the top of your head. He let you free again, giving you a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"Just give that man some time. Y'are a beautiful lady. He's nervous." With a final nod, he left through the back door of the diner, leaving you alone in the kitchen. He knew you'd be taking the bus to make sure Miles got home.

Speaking of, the last sounds echoing through the empty area were your beating heart and the scraping of the coloured pencils getting dragged over the paper by Miles. Your head turned to the side, and with a smile, you watched the young boy.

Just give him some time.

-

A week later, on Tuesday, you saw him again.

Monday had passed and there had been no sign of Sarah or him. Miles had been at the diner, entertaining you with some casually fun stories from school, including the young Miller girl in a few of them, but never anything else. And you weren't going to pester him about why she hadn't visited the diner after her practice on Monday.

But there he was, strolling into the room on Thursday, 6:30 in the evening. You were writing down the order of a group of teenagers when you heard the bell above the door. Right after you lifted your head, just wanting to call out a quick, "Welcome!", your breath got caught in your throat, making you cough out loud awkwardly. With a hand in front of your lips, you tried to cover it up, going back to writing down the order before disappearing into the kitchen.

"He's here!" You shout-whispered at the cook, who whipped his head around.

"Who?" He wondered, answering you quickly, but as soon as he saw your wide-eyed stare, he got the message. Jimmy smirked as he placed two finished plates on top of the counter. His eyes drifted from your form over the open window out into the restaurant, his smile dropping in an instant.

"Fucking Miller," he cursed out loud. You turned around to follow his gaze, finding not only Joel but also Tommy taking a seat in a booth right across from you. The older Miller's head seemed to notice your stare, glancing up, only for you to quickly turn around again.

"What do I do?" You continued to whisper, now even more careful about the others possibly hearing you as they were only a few feet away and an open window wasn't much of a sound barrier.

The cook rolled his eyes and turned back to the stove. "Get that punk out of the restaurant."

"Wh- Not Tommy! I don't mean him," you explained. "Joel."

Jimmy looked back at you, "Just be yourself, Jesus," grumbling something to himself that you couldn't quite understand.

Defeated, you took a deep breath in, reminding yourself of who you actually were and trying to get your act back together. If Maria could see you, she'd be filming you for a future Comedy sitcom - she'd have a field day with the state you were in. Nervous because of a man...

Just as you turned around, ready to face the outside world again, Jimmy's call out of your name made you stop.

"Huh?"

"Give me that," he nudged his head towards your hands.

"What?" With a frown you glanced down, seeing the order you had just written down, already long forgotten again. "Oh- right," you ripped the piece of paper off the block and put it on top of the counter before trying to walk away again. But there he was, the older man stopping you one more time.

"What?" You asked him, clearly on edge now, slightly amusing him.

"I swear to God, I'll spit in his food. Don't matter what he'll order." You knew exactly, who he was talking about, making you roll your eyes with a chuckle.

You pushed the swinging doors, taking a quick look around the space, trying to see if anyone needed something for you, but it was, just like the last few times, barely packed. Going past the counter, you crossed the floor to the other side of the restaurant, already noticing one side of the handsome face you had been so desperate to see again.

"Hey, guys," you approached them with a smile, stopping right by their table, now also finally getting a peek at the younger Miller. Both men were still in some type of work attire and you noticed the slight shine and curl to their hair. Tommy's was longer and darker, but you prefered Joel's.

"Hey, girly," the youngest grinned at you before slapping his older brother's arm that was perched up on the table. "See, I told you, she'd be here," he turned back to you, "How have you been?"

You nodded, "Good, busy. The usual, you know. You?"

"Good, good," he continued, "Getting back into the American lifestyle, chasing the American Dream." You didn't notice the roll of the eyes from Joel.

You couldn't help but chuckle, "You're chasing the American Dream?"

"Sure am," he answered you proudly. "Might not be as smart as you are, but a man's gotta try."

"'Course, why not," you shrugged, a smile still on your lips, hoping your answer would be enough.

"So," he huffed out a big breath, taking the menu into his grip, pretending to read over it. "I heard your turkey sandwich and pancakes are still as good as I remember."

You had to admit, the thought of Joel and Sarah telling him about their dinner at the diner warmed your heart a bit.

"I mean," you smirked, "I might be a bit biased, but I'd say so, yeah. Jimmy's still making them as good as always."

"Jimmy's still here?" Tommy wondered, making you nod a take a step to the side, letting him take a quick peek into the kitchen. "Ey, Jimmy!" The old man turned around, meeting the young Miller's eyes with a glare. Tommy lifted his hand for a wave, but the cook's attention was already back on the food he was making.

"Still doesn't like me, I see," he mumbled, shaking his head slightly as you laughed.

"Wouldn't be surprised if he spat in your foot." Joel suddenly spoke up. You looked over to him, giggling at the comment, making his lips curl up in return.

"He offered," you let him know, getting a chuckle out of him,

"Well," he shot his brother an annoying smirk, "Aren't you a treat for this town."

Tommy looked up at you, a hasty response dropping from his lips, "Tell him I decline. Gladly." Before scowling at his older brother.

Suddenly, you felt like you were interrupting something between the two. With a deep breath, the younger Miller brother was back to his old self, fixing the fit of his jacket. "Well, then... I'll take the turkey sandwich and see if it's still holdin' up to the good ol' times."

Your lips curled up into a teasing grin, deciding to just throw out the comment tickling your tongue. "You're doubting Jimmy's talent?"

"I would never," he quickly told you, making you chuckle and gently shake your head before you diverted your attention to the older brother, seeing him already looking up at you. The menu was barely in his grip as his fingers played with the laminated corners of the paper.

"I'll take the same," waiting for you to be done writing it down asking Tommy to pass him his menu and handing both over to you.

Before you turned around to get the orders over to Jimmy, you asked, "Coffee?"

Joel nodded, "Sure, thank you," intertwining his hands on top of the table as he looked at you. He didn't comment on the fact you forgot about that the last time he was there. You sure wouldn't forget it this time.

"Make that two, please," Tommy quickly added with a thankful nod after you assured them to be right back.

-

Trying to keep your eyes off the man was harder than you had hoped it would be. While you were able to busy yourself with taking orders and repeatedly cleaning the counter - you swear, it had never been cleaner than that day - you couldn't help but let your eyes wander over to the seat right by the window.

Joel and Tommy were sipping the coffee you had brought them, munching on their sandwiches, hopefully, oblivious to the internal fight you had going on with yourself. Miles was almost finished with his free lemonade and you were actually close to getting him another one, just so you had something to do. You couldn't just lurk around the counter like you usually would, otherwise, you'd find yourself staring at one of the brothers for too long.

During your little cleaning frenzy, you were able to let not only Jimmy's words but also Maria's re-run in your mind again. The evening, right after Joel and Sarah had spent their evening time in the diner, your best friend got every single detail from you, the moment she stepped into the apartment at 4am. Yes, you had stayed up to tell her. The session ended at around 6, the sun lighting up the living room being the indication to finally go to bed, where you found yourself awake for another good 40 minutes, just begging for a good dream to finally find you.

You had recalled the entire few hours he was in the same room as you. The moment he and his daughter stepped into the diner, the brief conversation you guys had, the coffee you had forgotten, up until the moment he had to basically verbally drag Sarah away from Miles' booth to get her home. Maria's screeching and excited jumps on the couch made you smile to yourself as you remembered the evening. It came close to a miracle that you got away without a single purple mark on your arm, considering she was repeatedly hitting you, smacking the naked skin of your upper arm each time his name fell from your lips.

She had put extra emphasis on the "I'll see ya," Joel had left the diner with. To which you sadly had to explain to her the casual meaning of those few words. It was a somewhat polite way to say goodbye to someone you know, not necessarily meaning that you'll see each other again. Maybe indicating it, but definitely not meaning it word for word - but Maria stood her ground.

You had also told her about your gossiping session with Jimmy afterwards. She had only met him a handful of times, her own working hours not leaving her much time to come and visit you at the restaurant, so told tales would have to do it. But even without really knowing the man, she agreed to each and everything he had said. 

"You know, there's not a lot that I would believe coming from a man or even listen to. But if anyone knows about a man's poor flirting techniques, it would be another man."

You had hidden your face in one of the pillows on your couch, the heat shooting into your cheeks being almost too much to bear, resulting in another few slaps to your arm from her. Jesus, could could start giggling and kicking your feet right now too, just at the mere thought of there being some sort of truth to their words and Joel's actions. But there was a barrier of reality still right in front of you. Not only had Jimmy mentioned his 'poor attempt of a flirt' but also the fact that your not-so-silly little crush was a 30-year-old father, with possibly very limited dating experience in the past few years. It wasn't something you had even tried to consider before Jimmy mentioned it. Add the unnecessary comment from one of Tommy's friends back at the bar, and it suddenly made sense.

"This poor man probably has no idea that you're even interested in him," Maria had whined out loud, "He's trying his best, but God..." You chuckled at her voice in the back of your head.

You ditched your daydream the moment the coffee pot was fully filled up again, the coffee machine making its usual sound to let you know it was done. With that, you began your usual round within the diner, passing each person who was holding onto a cup, asking them for a refill. Most happily accepted your offer, leaving you with a half-empty pot once you reached the two brothers.

"Another cup for you two?"

Tommy smiled up at the sound of your voice, "Sure, thanks, Y/N." You made sure his mug was properly filled up before turning towards Joel, who politely declined.

"Not for me, but thank you," nodding his head at you.

"Still trying to cut down?" His younger brother wondered, speaking over the brim of the mug he had brought up to his lips.

Joel took a deep breath, "If you had a 9-year-old lecturing you about the effects of caffeine each morning, you'd start thinkin' about it too." The explanation got a chuckle out of Tommy and made your lips curl up into a smile. Before you even thought about turning around to walk back behind the corner, you decided to continue the conversation. Taking every shot you could, just like Maria had told you.

"How is she?" You asked, "Sarah."

The older Miller brother lifted his head with a somewhat surprised expression on his face, but you just continued to smile at him. Tommy continued to hold his cup up against his mouth, hiding the smirk forming on his lips.

"Good," Joel let you know, "Very good. She... She had a test today. Lot to study yesterday... so we couldn't come over."

"I see," you humed, "I was wondering where you guys were."

A brief moment of silence followed your comment, almost making you regret admitting to the longing. Thankfully, the younger Miller got up from his seat with a clearing of his throat, making Joel perk up.

"Where are you goin'?"

"Gonna take a piss. You wanna control that too?" Sending his older brother an unreadable facial expression, almost glare, before he disappeared to head towards the toilet.

You frowned when a sigh escaped Joel's lips. "Everything okay?" You asked him, eyeing the older man carefully as he ran a hand over his face.

"Yeah," he mumbled, "Just... Tommy being Tommy."

A chuckle fell from you, making you cover your lips with your fingers. "Sorry," you excused yourself as he lifted his head, "Just... if I had a dollar for every time I heard those words from someone with that expression... I wouldn't be working here anymore."

Joel laughed. You managed to get the scowl off his face to replace it with a genuine laugh. He looked down at the table, shaking his head, but you could see his shoulders shaking and the unmistakable sound of joy coming from him. You tried to hide your amusement, the moment he locked eyes with you again.

"I thought you worked here because you were a good daughter," he commented. He remembered the conversation in his truck. On the way to your place, you had briefly mentioned the reason you had come back to Texas. And he remembered.

You grinned, "Oh, I'm a great daughter." Joel chuckled. "But I wouldn't mind the extra cash." Your own words let a thought flash into your mind. "Speaking of," you started again, "Thank you for the tip... last week. It really- you... you didn't have to do that."

"All good," he sent you a quick smile, "Good service needs a good reward."

"Even though I forgot your coffee," you sheepishly admitted, just getting another chuckle out of him.

"We got good food and free drinks, so you won't find me complaining," he simply told you, making you smile and look down at the pot of coffee you were still holding onto.

"Well," you had started to tap around with your fingers, trying to look for the next words to say, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"'Course," he nodded at you before you turned around to get behind the counter again.

-

Only a few minutes later, the two brothers decided to call it a day and stand up to leave. You were just coming back out from the kitchen when you found them standing at the register, both smiling when you came to a halt.

"Just wanted to say goodbye," Tommy grinned at you, gently smacking his hand on top of the counter.

You chuckled, "Bye, have a good evening." 'Night' would've probably been more suitable as it was pitch black outside. A quick look towards the clock would also tell you it was already 7:51pm - almost closing time.

The younger one turned towards the exit door while Joel stood still, waiting for your eyes to lock again.

"I'll see you next week. Goodnight," he simply said with a smile, turning around without another word. His soft voice lingered in your head even after he was already through the doors and on his way to his beloved pick-up truck.

You quickly pulled yourself back into the presence. With a swift turn around, you rushed back into the kitchen. Even before the door was fully closed again, you were jumping around the space, getting a shocked facial expression from Jimmy in return.

"He said 'See you next week!!" You squealed in exactly, your arms moving around in the air as you got closer to the chef.

With a tight grip on his arm, you shook him, "He said 'SEE YOU NEXT WEEK'!"

The older man just grinned at you, shaking his head as he watched you dance around the kitchen.

"How much joy just a few words can bring to ya, kid," he softly spoke, throwing the dishcloth over his shoulder to cross his arms and lean against the counter.

"Just a few words?!" You stared at him, stopping your movements, "He just promised me that he'll come back next week! He WANTS to come back!" Reality hit you for a split second. "I sound really delusional, but I. Don't Care." Before starting your little happy dance around the space again. Jimmy's deep chuckles bounced off the walls.

"Can't remember the last time I've seen ya so happy." He admired the pure happiness spilling from you, filling the room with nothing but joy. With a sigh, your spinning around came to an end.

"I'm happy because I get to see a good-looking hunk of a man again! Can you blame me?"

"Hunk of a man?" Jimmy laughed out loud, his entire upper body shaking as he walked around the corner to push you towards the door. "Get to locking up and then ya can tell me all about Sir Handsome again."

"Okay!" You squealed again, pushing out the door, the echo of his laughter still in the background. Suddenly, getting through the rest of the week seemed to be much more enjoyable than before.

-

On Friday, one of the only days, you had gotten off of work at the diner, you decided to join Maria in the bar. While she was working, you were enjoying your time sitting at the counter once again. You were sipping on your second drink of the night, drinking slowly as you weren't looking for something wild tonight, but rather just enjoying a nice calm evening. It was around 11pm and even though you had been sitting there for a good 2 hours, there was not a massive amount of alcohol rushing through your body as you had asked your best friend to keep the drink mild. But some people had other plans that night.

"Well, hello there," a deep voice slurred next to you. With slight confusion you turned to the right, eyeing the man that had tumbled up to the bar counter.

You sighed, "Hey." Nothing against drunk people, hell, you were one of them from time to time, but God... sometimes you can just tell, you know?

He blinked at you, "A pretty little girl so alone in the middle of a bar in the middle of the night?" His dirty blonde hair was roughed up and the plaid button-up hung loosely around his frame. It seemed to be a size too big.

"Yeah," you nodded, "And I'd prefer to keep it that way, to be honest." For tonight, there were no plans. You were waiting for a beautiful man on Monday, that was plan enough.

The guy chuckled, holding onto the counter as he stumbled back, "I'm Cody and I'm sure I could change ya mind. I could show ya good time, I promise."

"You're trying to sell yourself here? I'm not interested, thank you," you simply told him, internally begging for Maria to come back to the front, but she was being kept busy in the back apparently. Nobody else seemed to be interested in what was going on between you and the drunk fuck next to you.

With slight confusion written across his face, he continued to stumble over his words. "Who says anythin' about sellin'? I ain't sellin' myself. Ya can get this here for free," pointing towards himself.

"As I said," you repeated yourself, making sure annoyance laced your voice, "Not interested." Just as you tried to get up and move, hoping to get behind the bar and into the backroom, you felt a tight grip on your arm.

"Listen," the man stopped you, "You don't know what ya missin' out on here, sweetcheeks."

"And you don't know what you're getting yourself into if you continue to talk like that to me. Let go of me," you hissed at him. You were taught how to use your words, not your hands though, so you didn't really know what exactly you were threatening him with.

A disgusting sarcastic chuckle came from him while his grip just tightened. You glared into his eyes with a hint of fear as he let his face get closer to you, "Look, I don't wanna do this another-"

"Hey, what's goin' here?" Never would you have ever thought to be thankful to hear that voice. Whipping your head to the left, you found a wondering Tommy Miller, glancing between you and the drunk guy. A sigh of relief tumbled from your lips. "You two are lookin' awfully close."

"Get back to ya own business, cowboy," the guy spat at the younger Miller brother, his eyes raking over his frame when he found the boots Tommy was wearing. "I'm just talkin' to the pretty lady 'ere."

"Well, but I know that pretty lady, so it kinda is my business, you know?" He simply answered him, daring to take a step closer. Tommy glanced at you, "You know him, Y/N?" He asked.

You shook your head with a gulp, to which he just nodded, but before he could even say something, the drunk, still holding onto you, beat him to it.

"She's lyin'! I just introduced myself!"

"You know, I believe her," Tommy stopped him, raising his hand to place it on top of his that was gripping your arm, "So how about you take your-"

"Get your fucking hands off me!" The other guy snapped at him, pulling his hand off you, reacting to Tommy's touch like it was fire.

The younger Miller could just laugh at the reaction. "What?" He chuckled, "So you can put your hands on a random woman but as soon as I do it it's uncomfortable? A bit ironic, don't you think?"

"What are ya tryin' to do here?" With a few steps, the guy was head to head with Tommy, making you take a quick jump back. "Ya think ya gotta prove you've got some big balls here?"

"Me?" Tommy pointed to himself with a chuckle, "Nah, I just wanted to know if I gotta play translator." His comment got a look of confusion from the man in return. "I didn't you understood the English language because I'm pretty sure she said she wasn't interested, but you just... ignored that?"

"Ya makin' fun of me?"

"Am I?" Tommy continued to nag at the guy, making you take a step forward, trying to reach for him.

"Tommy, don't-" only to get pushed back by the dirty-blonde man.

"Get the fuck away!" He shoved you, making you stumble backwards, hitting the back of another guy, to whom you quickly excused yourself.

The younger brother looked at you in concern, but as soon as he saw you safe on your feet, his attention was back on the drunk in front of him.

He sighed, "Look," he motioned towards you. "Now I have to hit you. Because you just hit her."

"I didn't hit her," the guy scoffed, "I barely even pushed her."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure you did that," with a strong force, Tommy pushed into the guy's chest. "Maybe even a little harder, like this," and repeated it with some added strength.

In clear annoyance, the drunk man shoved Tommy's hands off of him, only giving it another second before he let his fist swing. The Miller brother was quick to react, moving out of the way before landing the first official punch to the guy's side. The blonde groaned at the impact, only letting it affect him for a split moment before pushing Tommy further away. It gave him the time and space to land his own first hit to Tommy's face, making you gasp out loud. 

The entire's bar attention was now on the two fighting men, creating some space for them as they stumbled across the floor. You could only hear a few mumbles around you as your eyes were fixed on the fight in front of you. You tried to look for Maria but a crowd had formed right in front of a bar with mostly men, taller than you, hiding the counter area.

One punch made Tommy land on his ass as the other guy whipped his hand over his lips, you guessed there was some blood. You took the opportunity, to get down on the floor, your hands on the Miller's arm.

"Come on, stop this, don't waste-"

But before you could finish it, somebody shoved your body away from Tommy, making your back hit the wooden pole right behind you. You groaned out loud, closing your eyes for a second.

"Y/N!" You heard Maria's voice as she suddenly appeared, standing in front of the crowd with a glass bottle in her hand. In the next moment, she held the bottle up, swinging it to let it hit the back of the drunk guy's head before he could land another punch to Tommy's face as he straddled him. The man fell to the side, right by your feed, making you flinch away.

"Are you okay?!" Maria was right by your side, crouching down as she helped you up.

You nodded, "Yeah, yeah," you had only hit your back, which would definitely leave a mark, but not much else. Your worry lay on the guy who hadn't gotten up yet. No, not the clearly drunk one.

"Tommy," you rushed over, watching him as he groaned, blood rushing down from his nose. You couldn't even tell if there was blood coming from his mouth as well.

He huffed out, "Ah, fuck," trying to steady himself with his hands on the floor as he pushed himself up.

"Jesus Christ," Maria whispered out loud. The hushed voices around you got louder, making her raise her voice, "Everybody either get back to their table or out of here! There's nothing to see here!" After the first guy went after her demand, the rest followed.

"Tommy," you sighed, "I think we should get you to a hospital."

"Are you okay?" He suddenly asked you. You nodded quickly,

"I am. But you don't look good."

"N-No... no hospital," he told you trying to stand up more, making you stumble up as well as you tried to hold onto him even though he was putting half of his weight on you already.

"You have to, Tommy. Your nose is probably broken."

"If only the nose," Maria commented, suddenly having an ice pack and some paper tissues in her hold. "You wanna take my car? Get him to the hospital... I'll see what I can do about... this one," she nodded towards the guy on the floor that was slowly coming back to consciousness. "Probably have to call the police."

"Did that already!" Out of nowhere, Steven suddenly shouted out from behind the bar, making your best friend roll her eyes.

"Where the fuck were you before?!"

"I can't let... I...," Tommy groaned, not finishing his sentence as his mouth seemed to hurt.

"Take my car," Maria quickly told you, handing you the ice pack, tissues and the keys from her bag pocket, "And call me once you're there. I'll handle this here." She also got your bag for you.

You smiled at her, "Thank you," to which she nodded, giving you a soft touch on the back before you tried to move Tommy towards. He seemed to be okay walking, but his face was clearly in pain as he held his head down. The walk towards Maria's car was quiet, only his groans and moans filled the air between the two of you.

In the car, you put on the radio, trying to let the silence not become awkward.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked you again.

You nodded, "You asked me that already. I'm okay. Only hit my back."

"Fucking idiot...," he mumbled, mostly to himself probably, but you shook your head.

"You too," you told him, "Why would you start a fight like that? I thought those days were over."

"I ain't lettin' a man talk like that to a woman, no matter what. And I know you, so I'm definitely not walkin' past that," he defended himself, almost raising his voice, but the situation told him not to.

The rest of the ride, the two of you listened to whatever was coming from the radio.

-

At the hospital, the two of you were told to wait in the waiting room as his injuries were not severe enough for him to be put in the emergency room. If it wasn't as late as it was, you would've started something with the personnel, but you already had enough of that for one night. They did offer you a new ice pack though and some more tissues.

You took a seat in one of the uncomfortable chairs next to Tommy, trying to find a bearable position. "Should I call Joel?" You asked him, knowing how close the two seemed to be.

Tommy groaned, throwing his head back and closing his eyes, "Fuck..." He thought for a second before continuing, "No... let's not do that. Unless you really wanna see him." One quick glance to the side, you found him smirking at you, giving you a quick wink. Even with all the blood on his face, this man was still able to joke around...

"You...," you shook your head in disbelief, "You're in the hospital. This is about you. I think he should know about his little brother being in the hospital," you snapped at him, but he only continued to smile.

"But you want to see him again, right?"

"Tommy-"

"I heard you in the diner." 

Your head snapped to glance at him. The annoying grin was still plastered on his face.

"What?"

He chuckled. "I left my hat in the booth. When I came back to get it I saw you dancing around the kitchen singing that he'll see you next week."

With a pout on your lips, you crossed your arms in front of your chest and turned your head to look away. You knew there was no blame on him for this situation and all the blame was to be put on you, but you couldn't help but feel sulky towards him.

You scoffed, "It's not nice to listen to other people's conversations."

"But now I can help you," he nudged your side, hissing softly as he moved. You stared at him, trying to figure out if he was in serious pain and if you needed to get a nurse. He seemed fine as the smirk returned.

"Get your nose fixed first, then we'll talk."

With another groan, he sat forward, suddenly reaching into the back pocket of his jeans before falling back into the seat with a groan. He handed you his phone.

"Call him."

"Tommy, you didn't want him here. I'm not-"

"He'll be pissed at me, yes. But y'all can talk while I'm in there," you glanced at you, "Get to know each other a little better," wiggling with his eyebrows. You couldn't help but roll your eyes, your lips curling up against your will. He nudged the Nokia closer to you, giving you no other possibility but to take it.

"I'll be right back," you mumbled, getting a giggle out of him.

"Start the call with 'hey babe'!" He shouted after you, putting on a fake high-pitched voice to mock you. A harsh 'ssh' from one of the nurses made him sink back into the chair and you turned around and threw him a quick middle finger before disappearing further into the corridor.

You pressed the buttons to get to his contact list, not finding anyone under J that wasn't a girl's name, so you decided to just look through the entire thing, starting with A, until you finally reached B.

Barbara, Beatrice, Billy, Boobs-

He had a contact for 'Boobs'? You shook your head.

Brother Old.

This could either be someone else, an old number of Joel or, as you had hoped, Joel's current number. You pressed to call it, putting the phone up to your ear. After four rings, somebody on the other side picked up.

"What?" An annoyed groan erupted through the speaker. The familiar roughness to his voice was unlike any other's.

"Hey Joel, it's Y/N," you answered him. Some shuffling around seemed to happen in the background before his voice rang through your ear again.

"Y/N? What's going on? What happened?" He hastily wondered.

You took a second of silence to form a good sentence, just thinking about what he was currently doing or even just looking like. It was in the middle of the night, and just taken from his voice, you'd say you had interrupted his sleep. Did he sleep in a pyjama set? No, he was a dad. A true dad wouldn't sleep in much else but some shirt and boxers. Or maybe he's not wearing anything at all to sleep. You were drifting off.

"Ehm... So... Sorry for calling so late-"

"It's okay, don't worry," he quickly assured you with a heavy breath.

Out of habit, you bit down on your lip before continuing. "I'm calling from the hospital. Tommy got into a fight."

"God damnit..." Joel cursed under his breath. There were more incoherent sounds in the background as he spoke. "Which hospital?"

"St. David's."

"Alright, I'm on my way," he told you.

You nodded even though he wouldn't be able to see it, "Okay, we're in the waiting room right at the reception."

"Good, thank you."

"You're welcome, bye."

With a sigh, he put the phone down, ending the call and making your way back into the waiting room.

Tommy lifted his head at the sound of your footsteps getting closer to him.

He grinned at you. "And?"

You shook your head, handing him his phone back. "He wasn't thrilled."

"Ah," he brushed off your answer, "I bet your face will make him happy."

"Joel- Tommy, I mean-"

"I'm already getting confused with him? Wow, I'm honoured," he nudged you as soon as you sat down, the smirk still evident on his face.

"Shut up," you rolled your eyes, not even trying to hide your amusement. "It's late."

"But you do like him."

"I barely know him," you defended yourself.

"But you find him attractive," he continued to nag further.

You nodded. There was no reason to hide it from him if he had already caught your burst of excitement back at the diner. "But I think half the female population of Austin would too."

"But half of the female population of Austin isn't you."

His comment made you turn your head in interest.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" You squinted your eyes at him.

Tommy smiled. "I think I know my brother well enough to notice when he finds someone attractive."

You laughed at his answer. "Wow, you're just gonna out him like that?"

"Somebody's gotta do it," he shrugged, "What else he got a younger brother for." You shook your head in amusement.

You may not be the closest to Tommy, but this was the most time you had ever spent with just him. Plus, he had just admitted to noticing his brother's attraction towards you. That brought a thought to your head.

"Can I ask you something?" It probably wasn't the ideal situation, but oh well, if you already had him sitting right next to you, confined to a chair, why not. Shooting your shots.

"Sure."

"Is there... you know... I mean... with Sarah, I was thinking about like... her mom?"

He shook his head, "Don't worry 'bout that," he let you know, turning to meet your eyes. "It's not my story to tell, but... she's not in the picture."

You almost felt stupid. You had only seen this man a total of three times, yet he had managed to enarmour you and let you think that you suddenly had the right to know everything about his personal life.

"Why?" He asked with the smirk back plastered on his face, "You wanna ask him on a date?" The question took you by surprise, making you open your mouth, ready to defend yourself, but nothing came out. Your lips quivered as you tried to come up with an answer, but Tommy just laughed at your surprised reaction. The rose blush to your cheeks gave you away.

"You should," he told you, "It's been like... God, I don't even know, like... two or three years. Christ, maybe even four."

"Since his last relationship?" You wanted to be careful with your questions, but there was no way when Tommy played open book to you.

He shook his head, glancing at you. "Since his last date."

"Oh..."

So Jimmy was right.

"Yeah," Tommy nodded to himself, "You'd be surprised how many women get scarred off by the whole dad thing." Your lack of answer made him look over again. "But not you."

"Hm?"

"You ask about Sarah. He likes that."

"Well... she's his daughter, so... kinda obvious to ask about her," you were taken aback by the disinterest of the other women he had mentioned.

He shrugged, "Yeah, but like I said... not many care 'bout that."

A few moments of silence followed. Neither one of you seemed to have any will to continue your conversation. You didn't want to keep nagging further and you were pretty sure Tommy had started to doze off in his seat. It gave you some time to think, but a sudden jolt from the man next to you brought you back. He was about to sit up straighter when his eyes caught something behind you making you flinch and duck into the chair again, groaning at the impact.

"What?" You wondered, turning around to only find two police officers in the hallway, talking to a nurse. With a frown, you turned back to the Miller brother. "What?"

"They can't see me like this."

His reaction alarmed you immediately. "Why not?"

He seemed to think about his next answer before spilling out, "I know those guys. And they don't like me. If they see me like this, I'm fucked."

"What?"

"I just got a new job, I can't get another mark in my record."

Your eyes widened, "Your criminal record?" To which he just nodded. "Tommy!" You shouted-whispered at him, making him shush you. "How many fights did you get in."

"A few, okay? Just," he put his finger up to his lips, signing for you to keep quiet. You dropped back against the backrest of the chair with a sigh, shaking your head as you ran both hands over your face, mumbling to yourself.

From the side, you tried to watch the two officers as they passed you, hearing a relieved chunk of air leaving Tommy as he sat up again. You couldn't believe it. You knew he wasn't an angel and you remembered his troubled time as a teenager. What you didn't know was how that time had continued to chase him into adulthood.

Noticing his still slightly on edge stance, you decided to change the subject, hoping to give him some kind of distraction. And it just so happened that you had an actual topic of interest for you personally.

"You think I should ask him out?" A gulp followed your question, unsure if dropping that would reveal itself to be a mistake or not.

"On a date?" Tommy's voice was steady again as he looked at you, his lips curled into a soft smile. You nodded, making him chuckle. "Give him some time and he'll ask you himself."

"You think?"

He nodded but continued. "I mean, you can ask him. I... I don't know how he'd react, to be honest, but he wouldn't leave you hangin'. He's just... he's a traditional southern-"

"Gentleman," you said in union, chuckling together.

"I mean," Tommy started, "You know, if a woman offered herself to me, I would never decline-" You stopped him with a soft shove to his arm, making sure not to be too harsh since you didn't know how severe his injuries were. "But," he pushed your hand away from him, "Joel's a bit more old-fashioned in that way."

"I see," you nodded understandingly. Hearing this in connection to any other man would've probably made a chill run down your spine and the sick feeling of pure disgust bubble in your stomach, but for some reason, it didn't when it came to Joel. Tommy spoke so softly about him being s traditional gentleman, he made it sound good and proper. Not conservative and old. 

A nurse's voice, calling out for Tommy made you look up as he tried to get out of his chair. You offered to help him, but he brushed it off, telling you to 'wait here for Joel' with a wink before following the nurse down the hall.

-

Only a few minutes later, heavy footsteps stomped through the corridor, coming to a stop at the reception. Before the older Miller brother could even ask for information on Tommy, his eyes found you. Curled up on a chair, your eyes closed and your shoulders lifting and dropping in an even beat. With the time now being well over midnight, you had given into your body's pleas for sleep and found some form of comfort in the waiting room chair.

He tried to be as smooth as possible, getting into the chair right next to you, previously occupied by his brother, but even at the slightest sound, you jerked up, lifting your head to find him.

"Hey, sorry for wakin' you," Joel excused himself, brushing his hands over the top of his jeans. He had thrown them on even though they should probably already be in the wash and the shirt was wrinkled as he had fallen asleep in it. His unruly hair, messy and curly, showed the sleep you had woken him up from. But even in this state, which most would describe as dishevelled, he still managed to look good. He looked comfortable. Warm.

You shook your head with a tired smile, covering your mouth as a yawn escaped you. "It's okay."

"How long have been you here?"

"Ehm...," you tried to look around for the clock on the wall. 12:05. "Not too long, like 40 minutes or something."

He nodded, letting a sigh fall from his lips. "What happened?"

You rubbed your eyes, forgetting about the makeup you had put on a few hours before, but it probably was already smudged either way. Unsure if the story Tommy would tell would hold any truth or if he'd make up something, you decided to tell it in whole.

"There was a guy," you started, continuing to explain the entire situation to Joel, meeting his eyes a few times during the story, watching him go from annoyed, to concerned, to slightly irritated. He let you finish before asking further questions.

"Are you okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah. Just hit my back."

Joel frowned, "How?"

"I tried to get to Tommy after he got pushed to the floor, but that idiot threw me against a pole," you let him know, the scowl on his face only deepening. His wrinkles weren't just a sign of age. This man had been frowning too much in his life. Yet, it somehow suited him.

"You don't wanna get that checked? You sure you're okay?" He asked you further, but you just continued to nod.

"I drove here. I'm fine," you shrugged it off. Joel just sighed again, looking around the room before he continued.

"Anyone called the cops?"

"Probably," you answered him honestly. You didn't know for sure, but there was a high chance that you just got out quick enough. His deep breath in and out made you remember the reaction the two officers brought out of Tommy. "But I don't know. Maria said she'd handle it. My friend at the bar," you quickly added.

Joel glanced at you, his elbows digging into his thighs. "That's nice of her. Thank you." But you just nodded again.

Carefully, you decided to get closer. "Tommy mentioned something about a new job..."

"Yeah," the older brother sat himself up straight, letting himself fall back into the chair, "I got him a job at the company I work at. Just carpenter stuff, but... if they find out he was involved in a bar fight," he shook his head, "I don't know. My boss already took him in just because I practically begged him to."

"I see," you answered him, just letting him know you had been listening.

"Thank you for staying here with him. And for bringing him. And thanks to your friend for handling the whole police-" Joel began to ramble, but you were quick to stop him, subconsciously just putting your hand on his upper arm.

"It's okay," you smiled up at him, getting a thankful nod and soft smile in return.

It was only then it hit you.

Not only did this man have the responsibility of raising a nine-year-old girl, but he also was taking care of a man in his mid-to-late twenties. Letting him live with him, making sure he had a job, and picking him up from a hospital after a bar fight. You could see the tiredness on his face, and it didn't only have to do with the fact that he had to get up in the middle of the night. It was years old tiredness. You know it from your father. Carrying the world on his shoulders, dragging him, not letting him live to his full potential. The constant instinct to care and worry following his every step.

On one side, you couldn't help but find it attractive, his primal instict of protection, but on the other, you felt deeply sorry for him, you realised. If he hadn't been a met-three-times 'stranger' you would've offered him a hug. He looked like he could need one.

joel taglist: @corvusmorte @aniia-x3 @skysmiller @lizlil

pedro taglist: @leslieelainetrask @sidelnes

[seangelfish]

Can I request jealous headcanons for cozmez? let's say his f! s/o is very kind and naive with the people around her

JEALOUSY HEADCANONS (w/ cozmez)

Featured characters: Kanata Yatonokami, Nayuta Yatonokami ♡ Tags: Headcanons, established relationships, she/her pronouns ♡ Word count: 742 ♡ Summary: Headcanons of how jealous the Yatonokami twins get when it comes to their s/o.

KANATA YATONOKAMI

Kanata knows how kind you are to people, that's how you managed to steal his heart. He doesn't really mind it because that's just the way you are. You're the complete opposite of him after all – kind and friendly, outgoing and energetic. However, he does have his limits to this attitude of yours.

He won't admit it, but he hates how too friendly you are to people – especially towards other guys. Seeing you smile so radiantly like that to other people other than himself will often have him heated.

And what's worse is that you're so naive.

Because of his past, he's able to recognise people's true intentions. It is no different when it comes to you. Your kindness is easily taken advantage of and this frustrates Kanata immensely. He either has to tell the other person to fuck off or drag you away from the conversation.

But the real reason he's doing this is because he's jealous. He's jealous that other people are able to experience your kindness – that he isn't the only one who gets to be treated that way.

He won't upset you and confess any of that. He vows to take those feelings to the grave.

But Kanata is extremely transparent when it comes to you, so you can immediately tell that he's jealous. His eyebrows are crossed and he has such a sour expression on his face. His voice deepens a bit and he becomes too clingy that it can be deemed insufferable to others, but cute to you ♡.

So when he does get jealous, he would hold your hand more often. Sure, he holds your hand occasionally, but Kanata seems to be the type that dislikes PDA. However, when someone else steals your attention away from him, his dislike for PDA is thrown out the window.

He makes the other person know that you belong to him by pulling you close and touching you up, glaring at them like a feisty cat. Though, he won't go too far to kiss you in front of them... not when it's not needed, of course.

Ultimately, he's just outward with his jealousy that it can be seen as possessive. He isn't afraid to cuss people out or to tell them that they're taking too much time with his girlfriend.

NAYUTA YATONOKAMI

Nayuta, as spoiled as he is, expects you to only act like that around him. No one else deserves your kindness. He wants you all to himself.

He makes sure that these feelings of his are obvious to you whether it be directly communicating it to you or being a little bit more touchy.

He will always sulk about the way you speak to others, but he isn't too hurt by it unlike his brother.

He's more chill about your kind personality even when you're so oblivious to people's ulterior motives. So, he'll indirectly help you out when that happens. Usually, he'll butt into the conversation and say no on your behalf or he'll question you whether you really want to do xyz.

He won't cuss out the other person, but his word choice is still considerably harsh. They immediately back away after his confrontation.

But when things go too far for his liking, he'll resort to excessive PDA. Compared to Kanata, he loves PDA – it's second nature to him, so he isn't afraid to wrap his arms around your waist and give you a few kisses here and there to get the message across. When the two of you leave the situation, he would look back at the person and stick his tongue out.

However, Nayuta is more mature when it comes to his jealousy. He's not one to make a scene, but he's witty with it. Sometimes, you can't even spot when he's jealous because he either finds the situation cringey or 'not worth the hassle.' He knows that you'll always be his and nothing can change that.

But that doesn't mean you should completely ignore him for someone else. He's one to get upset and possibly give you silent treatment. You would have to apologise and reassure him when he's lying in bed, his back turned from you.

Thankfully, he doesn't get aggressive when he's jealous though. He never takes it out on you, but he just can't help but fall quiet. So, he'll always appreciate it when you stay by his side and draw patterns on his skin. It comforts him in a way and shows that you didn't mean to neglect him like that.

Intro page | Paradox Live masterlist | Request rules

[thisnameisnotspokenfor]

The Breaking point Analysis

Warning: do not read this post if you have not read chapter 36! You have been WARNED

Also I wrote this when I was sleepy at 2 am so sorry if it doesn’t make any sense.

Now I usually try to avoid making posts where I openly discuss stuff in my story- but after all the issues this chapter gave me- I wanted to do this.

The breaking point is a weird chapter for me it’s both one of my favorite and least favorite chapters- but it’s a contradictory chapter within itself. It’s one that is both a payoff and build up in a sort of way…

Think about it in Chapter 33 Tomas writes this in his journal:

‘To die and leave behind so many unfinished things was my worst fear. A fear that may very well become a reality given my current situation. “You expect me to still be alive by then?”

What was Tomas’s worst fear became Asha’s breaking point, and it’s all so tragic when you realize the similarities between the two. Both were fairly young when they got to meet the stars and ended up running into trouble with the crimson court or a seperate entity armed with similiar powers. Both being novices had to rely on a yellow/blue star to keep them safe while said star worked with an ulterior motive.

It’s strange right?

We don’t know how Tomas’s adventure or experience with Sirius ended. All we know for now is that he did not want his daughter to get involved in his past/legacy. Which ofc in and of itself can and does bring up a lot of questions but the worst part is that Tomas is gone and now he’ll never get a chance to fairly explain himself to his daughter. Their relationship and perhaps even her perception of him will change because of this which is something I think we could all say wouldn’t have been something Tomas would have ever wanted.

For all the work Tomas put in to build and help others he couldn’t stop his worst fear from coming true- and that’s what makes it all even worse.

But the tragedy or rather my favorite part of the breaking point isn’t just there- it’s in everything Asha doesn’t say, or rather what she inadvertently confronts herself with.

When Asha’s justification for the past 5 years of her life unravels who do we see appear before her? Everyone higher on the social ladder, with even the apprentices making sneer remarks on how Asha was never one of them, how she’s unwanted or mocking her for Cepheus. It’s a sharp contrast to how she dismisses their mistreatment of her, but deep down she does care and it really does bother her

So many things she’s told Ceph that she’s seemingly gotten over comes back to haunt her in this conversation- not having powers, not having a noble title or not being able to win Ignacio’s heart, not being able to believe in wishes after the power failed to save her father and grandmother but it’s not just her realizing it, but it’s her hating herself for it.

She hates herself so much that she believes all the mistreatment she receives is justified because of it. She hates herself for purposelessly existing in a world with so many fantastical beings and people. But most of all she blames herself for not being able to save her father and grandmother.

Remember this line from Chapter 33? It’s the question Sabino confronts her with:

“Do you think your father would’ve valued this kingdom over the wellbeing of his only daughter?”

And Asha cannot answer. She in fact just changes the subject!

But it’s worth mentioning the things she thinks in that moment:

The answer seemed so obvious, but their unfinished star maps and broken dreams had made her wonder.

Shes doubting the love her father had for her (which has aged like cheese lol) because remember she could plan to make star maps in advance with him but all magnifico had to do was show up one night and her father would promptly cancel with her. We see this in one of her dreams:

Chapter 12: the dream

“Papa?” she whispered.

“Tomorrow,” he said softly, in a tone that made her heart sink.

That was what he’d always tell her on nights when he was too busy to take her stargazing. When his friend would come to whisk him away for weeks, maybe even months at a time.

Her heart began to ache as she cast the beautifully clear sky a glance, knowing that tonight would not be the night she’d spend perfecting her star map with her father.

It’s an arguably selfish realization to reach, but I suppose in the mind of someone with deep insecurity and terrible self loathing it’s just a hint of the cracks about to form in their relationship. given what we know now it’s one that I think has aged with a terrible vengeance as Asha’s mind seems to think that the reason why her father wouldn’t let her know about his legacy is because she’s a disappointment.

You can even see it here in how she contemplates the question.

Why wouldn’t he? Between her and the kingdom, at least the kingdom had offered a sense of refuge and hope for its people. What had she done? Other than crying, failing, and running around aimlessly, not much. Everything she’d achieved and promised had only been because of the star, not herself.

What is said in chapter 36:

“Are you?” the king asked, watching as she hesitated . “Because the last time I checked, you and your lack of powers weren’t the reason that it got fixed.

“Or the reason that the market got decorated,” Lady Allard sobbed, as she gingerly held her bandaged arm.

Chapter 33:

There’s a reason why her father’s projects and dreams had never gotten off the ground. How could they when he had an unspectacular daughter like her at the helm of each project? Her poor father, if only he’d known just how doomed his projects had been when he’d promised her that they could build them together.

What Velius tells her in Chapter 36:

“You accomplish nothing yet you still manage to cause more trouble than you are worth. Then you wonder why people struggle to believe in the projects and ideas you helm.”

What Asha thinks in chapter 33:

Maybe he should’ve wished for a better daughter…

Whats said in chapter 36 by the king:

Maybe your grandmother and father still would’ve been here as they’d not only have the child they deserved but one that could have ultimately saved them…”

((I don’t think it’s a coincidence))

But it’s very funny to see it when you realize that last chapter (chapter 35) she tells Ceph this:

“But that resilience wasn’t enough to save her from a broken heart…our wishes weren’t enough…nothing we did was enough!..” she nearly yelled as her eyes narrowed. Disgust and anger filled her as she spat, “After that…I just couldn’t bring myself to believe in them again…how could I? All I’d ever wanted was for my Dad to be healthy again, and for my family to be whole once more…Was that so wrong to wish for?

But now we see that it’s Not just the wishes that isn’t enough, but herself. And maybe that’s why she can’t wish for anything because deep down she feels like it just won’t come true because she isn’t deserving of it.

That’s why she doesn’t bother challenging magnifico about his wish granting despite knowing that he’ll definitely pass over some urgent wishes. It’s not because she inherently agrees with it but it’s because she doesn’t think she has the place to say otherwise especially to someone like magnifico who is the opposite of her.

Then there’s the part about her feelings for Ceph. Hearing that he was entertained and pursued by princesses has to be absolutely crushing when you realize Asha’s financial situation and the girls she notices he happily entertains.

But that’s not even the worst part- notice how she calls out her grandfather for this:

“Mean?!” her grandfather stammered. “He’s the one leading you on and making your life harder, yet you call me the mean one?!”

She responds with this:

“Cepheus isn’t leading me on! Saba why can’t you just understand that he’s only trying to help me because he’s my friend?!”

And later confessed that Cepheus is one of the few bright spots in her life:

“He’s the only reason you got out of that forest unharmed!” Asha cried as she pointed at her grandfather. “The only reason why I got to stay home…and the only reason why the tree got healed! If he hadn’t been there then…then…” her voice trailed off as she took in the shocked expression on her grandfather’s face. But it had been the disappointment in both the eyes of her mother and grandfather that had hurt her far more than the assassins had as she lowered her head, whispering, “I…I can’t take it anymore! Everything has been so terrible for me lately, everything except for this, for him!

But ironically we see later on that her argument is used against her.

The guilt over the Clariveaus, the queen, Julian and lady Allard also eat away at her as well, reminding her that no matter just how much she comes to care and Cepheus, that deep down she’s just as responsible as he is for the suffering he’s caused.

She even hears the figures say that Cepheus is incapable of ever loving her back or is only using her for what he wants. She likens it to her experience with Ignacio, which if you think about it does sorta share some similarities.

Then there’s the helplessness she feels despite giving him credit. Even before Asha spirals you can see it usually eating away at her as she starts to think that maybe Magnifico’s advisors had a point. And it’s not just a point she hates conceding too but rather one that haunts her so badly that she fears that if she moves elsewhere her experience will repeat itself.

“I don’t think you can. You could move away, but the results would still be the same. I don’t need you, nor does the world for that matter. Our power far exceeds anything your little science could compensate you with…

On a side note I honestly feel as if jealousy is an unspoken facet of Asha’s character because it’s so deeply hidden behind the insecurities that it’s hard to tell. But I think the jealousy is born not so much out of a yearning to have but moreso a yearning to belong. She wants so badly to be trusted, to be understood and maybe even loved, but after so many failures I think she’s come to realize that it’s not worth the risk. She’s terrified of failure and the burn that comes with it.

She compared herself to Icarus at one point- reaching for stars that would consistently burn her. But isn’t there something ironic about someone who is so deeply insecure, so self-loathing who doesn’t even think she deserves the most simplest of things to compare themselves to a cautionary tale of overconfidence, and ambition?

But there’s one more thing I would like to bring up:

Why would Asha want to burn her storybook? It’s full of fairy tales isn’t it? Something similiar to the world she lives in and wants to be apart of. But the reasoning that the ‘king’ gives to her is that ‘she doesn’t deserve it.’

I personally believe that this sorta extends beyond the physical sense- so it’s not the king saying she doesn’t deserve to physically have the book but moreso she doesn’t deserve to entertain herself with fairy tale like dreams when none of hers ever came true. It’s her self loathing in full display because that book used to be everything she ever represented, and she was going to burn the symbol of who she once was, who she once dreamed to be in a perfect world along with the book of her dreams for how she turned out in the real world. Completely and utterly destroying her future and aspirations because she no longer knows who she is.

It’s not until she sees herself in a mirror looking completely worn down and broken just like how the rest of the world sees her, and maybe like how the audience sees her, does she stop. Because now she realizes that she no longer knows what she’s doing.

And for someone like Asha who never usually confronted a problem without some semblance of a plan, who always bore things with a smile because she believed in an ultimate purpose, perphaps that’s the saddest part of it all.

[lightwise]

Okay, okay. I have thoughts (and feelings) on this latest episode of The Acolyte. (And no, this is not another post on Manny Jacinto’s arms…even though 👀😮‍💨🥵).

This is the first episode since the first one that I can unequivocally (except for one aspect) say that I really liked. Where has this level of dialogue and character insight been the entire show!?

Manny continues to take the starring role in the show as The Stranger. I’m seriously in awe of how compelling his performance is, how effortless he’s making it feel between all the switches of his personality—hungover, drifting bum, to terrifying dark side user with chilling morals, to a calm, quiet, perfectly in control man who knows who he is and what he wants, what he’s capable of, and what the emotions of those around him are.

He and Sol have switched places this episode just as much as Osha and Mae have. Sol is unsettled, anxious, lost in tortuous thoughts of the past. So much so that he doesn’t recognize that Mae has boarded the ship with him instead of Osha for (an agonizingly) long time. He starts to feel more like a villain when he finally figures out that Mae has tricked him, binds her, and then hovers over her menacingly after she wakes up. He’s becoming unhinged and going rogue, even making sure that they leave the planet and that Vernestra cannot track him because he wants to go retrieve Osha alone. Why? What is he hiding??

I’ll go ahead and do my quick gripe with the episode here. I like Amandla’s performance as Osha. I really can’t get into her performance for Mae. Osha feels transparent in her mental state and desires and motivations throughout the show. Mae is very difficult to get a read on, and I don’t mean that that is a bad thing when it comes to storytelling. I mean that it’s not working here. She’s gone back and forth like ten times in the last two episodes alone, wanting to compete her mission, then wanting to abandon it and turn herself into the Jedi so she can be with Osha, then fighting Jecki, then running from Qimir, then seemingly picking up the mission again so she can kill Sol, then not, then reprogramming her sister’s droid in a very callous manner, then somehow knowing enough about ships that she can work with the power systems (which is her sister’s area of expertise, not hers)….it just doesn’t work for me.

I also think that Sol took too long to recognize her. I’ll give him the getting onto the ship and trying to get a message out bc his emotions are a wreck. But he should have noticed after that. I also think Basil is completely unnecessary as a character. Sorry.

Anyway, back to Osha and Qimir. It’s a classic dark side seduction unfolding (I cracked up at the “if you’re not going to join me”), but Manny is oh so convincing about it. We know as the audience that everything he tells Osha is a half truth. It’s interesting to see how both the Jedi and the Sith in this show are kind of dealing with a half truth in how they are using the Force and teaching others. But it’s still very convincing, because he’s really not fueling it with overly grand promises or even his own ulterior motives, though he does have them. He’s simply telling Osha what his version of the truth is. What his experiences have been. And how he thinks they overlap with hers.

The dialogue is wonderful. A great example of how monologuing to give us info we don’t already have can actually work sometimes (looking at you, Ahsoka show). The line “why do you love people who can only go so far” was a standout for me. Again, not the accurate truth, but definitely a “from a certain point of view”. Sol also reiterates that Osha’s main characteristic has been love. So what is going to make her turn away from that? Anger? Feeling abandoned? Feeling guilty? Pinning an objectively hot Sith to a wall with his own lightsaber? SORRY. Sorry. 🤣🤣🤣. Really loved the “when you lose everything, that’s when you’re finally free” too, as well as “it’s just you and the Force. And what you bring with you.”

The fact that Qimir was a Jedi and might be much older than we expect is very interesting. I know very little about the Sith timeline from Legends, other than seeing names float about (Revan, Tenebrous, Plageous, etc). I’m interested to see which named Sith they might slot Qimir in with, or if they’re going to keep him completely separate from the main Sith line. He definitely does want to be a part of it though, given his “power of two” comment. A discarded apprentice who seeks his own apprentice to gain power, not unlike one fandom favorite Maul, perhaps?

I also liked Vernestra in this episode. I got a little better read on her character in a short time and loved seeing her speed in the Force using her light whip. It’s fascinating seeing her padawan be just as uptight and questioning as Jecki and Yord were…almost like this whole generation of padawans will grow up to be the masters who train the masters we see in TPM. What I would still like to understand better is why there seems to be such a split between the generations here. What outside or internal factors are influencing this? All they’ve shown is still is wanting to keep the senate and the council on good terms, but we don’t know why.

(Side note: Her Universe or someone definitely needs to make the open shoulder sweatshirt Osha was wearing.)

If the whole show had been like this I would appreciate it a lot. As is I think I’ll enjoy where they’re taking us but not necessarily how we got there. Hopefully the last two episodes will keep up the momentum.

[authorhjk1]

December Special!

Round Two!!

Hi everyone! This will be our last and final round throughout the coming week. The links in this post will direct you to the four polls for the four chapters. Keep in mind that I will decide on the order randomly as I write along.

I put all the options into this post, beacuse I do not have the nerve to type all of this four times. Tumblr doesn't let me copy text and paste it into a post.

Have fun!

Chapter

Chapter

Chapter

Chapter

1.

You knew this might happen. You read the script of your knew role in the upcoming kdrama. And yet, you are surprised when your co-star pulls you aside after filming that day. Seo Yeaji's face can switch in a heartbeat. From a cold and emotionless mask, to an adorable , cute smile. While she asks you, if the two of you could practice the next scene, her face shows a new expression. Lust. It's quite a spicy scene after all.

2.

Idols are always stressed, overworked and tired. On top of that, they can't even relax properly. They have to be careful about their food, words and actions. And one thing, that some people might neglect, is sexual satisfaction. That becomes a problem for Karina, Jihyo and Eunbi. Having bigger breasts only adds to their problems. Due to stress, their milk production starts to rise. When the three of them invite you to join their pre-Christmas party, they obviously have ulterior motives.

3.

IU's and Kang Seulgi's competition started, when they caught each other, having sex backstage during an award show, a couple of months ago. At first, it picked up slowly. Random challenges, send via text on kakaoTalk app, answered by pictures as proof of the accomplished mission. Now, the two of them are tied, desperate to come up with something new. Luckily, IU and Seulgi have a lot of fans, who are more than happy to help them out.

4.

You and Irene are coworkers with a special history. The two of you tried out more kinks and positions and places than even married couples. But some things are still missing. Luckily, Irene has a friend who got hired a couple of weeks ago. You were planning on welcoming her properly anyways.

5.

After just being hired by Dreamcatcher Company, you are already tasked with shooting Jiu's and SuA's special clip. Jiu knows that you are an Insomnia and that SuA is your bias. Maybe you will get to shoot another type of special clip with the two of them, thanks to Jiu.

6.

You meet your exgirlfriend IU at a high school friend's wedding. After the memories of your school times come back, the two of you sneak off.

7.

You have worked with a couple of idols already. They are often models and embassadors for brands after all. Now you are tasked with filming a small video to promote Jimmy Choo's newly designed dress. The woman who appears in your studio is no other than Cho Miyeon.

8.

Yuna has always been quite kinky. But her Christmas present for you this year is on another level. It's Ryujin. She is kneeling on her bed, wrapped in red lingerie and a bow like a gift. Her hands are tied behind her back, while her eyes are covered with a red blindfold.

9.

You have already tried everything. Drinking warm milk with honey, listening to music, reading a book. Nothing. Working out, spending more time on your job. Nothing. Even after bringing that girl home last night, Yunjin, you vaguely remember her name, didn't help at all. You still can't fall asleep. It's late at night and you are lying in bed once more. Sleepless. Then, your doorbell rings. That must be your neighbor. Chaewon. After telling her about your insomnia, she said she might know aomething.

10.

Going to college is already hard enough, considering your background. Bad grades, devorced father, stepmother and stepsister and so on. The only reason you got in was because of your scholarship. You are not a good student. But a talented football player. And now everything becomes even more difficult. While trying to learn for your upcoming test, someone knocks on your door. Tzuyu, your stepsister. Her and her mom, Jihyo, seemed to have gotten into a huge fight once again. Can you cheer her up?

11.

The one thing you love most about your job is the fact that you see beautiful women pretty much every day. Being a photographer enables you to make them take any kind of pose in any kind of outfit. Of course, when you started your career, you never thought about it like this. Until you meet Im Yoona.

[loveandleases]

Wishing you a late happy birthday! Hope it was a good one. I am a bit embarrassed to say how much of my day this IF occupies my thoughts... and how did you make all the ROs so amazing?!

One thing I've being thinking about is the emotional connection Mc could make with the ROs here. I mean, I doubt Mc even thought about the possibilty that Chris could cheat. So having experienced that, and then falling for the RO, they could have a newfound sense of trust and security, like knowing the RO would never hurt them. Something they wouldn't have had with Chris. I can also see Mc being able to appreciate Cam's friendship so much more since he'll be there for Mc right at the start of it all, through not just the good, but the really bad too.

So if you want, how would the ROs feel knowing Mc has this absolute trust in and feels completely safe with them.

Aw, thank you anon! I'm glad to know it occupies your mind, it occupies mine far too much! Our RO's would love to know how amazing they are! I'm glad people enjoy them despite they all have their own issues to work through.

❤️ Cam - He is more appreciative to MC than I think he will ever truly be able to say. MC was there for him through everything, fights with his parents/siblings, when he was left to basically fend for himself, not to mention the challenges of the teen years. Cam would tear up a little bit ngl. He has always wanted MC to see him as this safe haven, there is no judgment, no ulterior motive. To know the most important person in his life, trust in him so much, and feels safe with him. Only one thing would make him happier than that.

💙 G - They would be so pleased. There was a lot for the two to get over from the past, a lot of growth happens. G would be thankful, not only to be so important to someone they care so much about, but also to know that they could get over the past. That they could rebuild what was broken between them. They would do everything possible to keep that trust and make sure MC feels safe and secure.

💚 Kara - It would frighten her at first. Kara isn't used to people placing a lot of faith in her or thinking of her as more than just her parent's child. She really is one for communication, so to know MC feels that way about her, she would want to ask MC what she could do, to ensure that the feelings stay that way. She would ensure that whatever she has going on with Chris doesn't leak into the relationship.

💛 M - They would feel the same with MC. As shy and as awkward as they are, they would love to know that someone can see them as a comfort. M would talk to MC, and be more honest and open with them, which is hard for M. But it would be worth it, it would be worth being able to know one another so intimately.

💜 Isaac - Will freak out slightly. Not because they don't want to be that for MC. But because Isaac has never had someone truly trust them, rely on them. To know they make someone feel good, safe even. Isaac would have a hard time accepting that. MC would have to really tell Isaac that is how they feel. (this one is lack in detail due to spoilers!)

🖤 Ardent - God, to trust him, feel safe with him? Of all the people in the world!? He doesn't know whose more fucked up, him or you. He secretly enjoys it. Secretly, he's happy. To think after everything, out of everyone you know you chose the biggest asshole in the whole place. He wouldn't know what he did to make you feel that way, but damn is he thankful for it. Because for once, he feels safe too. For once, Ardent feels like he has an actual person he can think of to trust.

[davekat-sucks]

Do you believe it was a boon or a detriment (to Homestuck) that none of the kids ever got to reconcile with their parents/guardians?

Across all of them, none of them really got to understand their parents as living, breathing people- at least that's how I see it. To all of these characters, their guardians were faceless, eccentric, incomprehensible elder beings that may or may not have cared about them; guardians forever locked in the past- mere memories left only to fade. Like sure, the beta kids sort-of got peace of mind with the alpha kids (and vice versa), but it's obvious that the alpha kids have little to do with the beta kid's actual parents (and vice versa), so to watch them "talk it out" is like pondering the beliefs of Elvis Presley with an impersonator.

I believe that this leaves Homestuck thematically as a one-trick pony; if you're looking for a story about losing a parent at a young age, you've come to the right place, but if you wanted to see any other parent-child relationships, go look elsewhere. It leaves me wanting more, wondering what could have been- and I recognize that this feeling is probably what Andrew Hussie intended- but a reader can dream, can they not?

One of the highlights of (me) growing up was learning more about my parents and watching them become more human-like and understandable- learning that even parents can grow and change, discovering their passions and dreams and seeing them consider their flaws and failures, changing what it means to grow old- it's great to see this amount depth and self-reflection coming from someone who loves and raised you, but it also makes me wonder if most parents are just asshole morons and I just got lucky.

On the "upside", I guess if the parents were around none of that spicy teenage romance could happen, am I right? You can't have your dirkjakes or rosemarys if their parents are still there telling them to focus on setting a career path or getting a driver's license, LMAO. Shut up old-timers, these teenagers can't get laid with all of your parental advice killings the vibes! Joking of course, I'm not THAT bitter about what never was. I'm only slightly bitter.

It definitely is a detriment that the Beta Kids never really got full closure on the Guardians that had raised them. In Rose's case, she finally realized and understood that her Mom genuinely loved her and everything she did was real. There was no ulterior motive. Her drunk arc was Rose's way of punishing herself, believing she was a bad daughter. That she blamed herself for not accepting all the love Mom Lalonde had to give before the game started. Sure Mom Lalonde was not any better as she too was drinking during the raise, but the woman still put time and effort to let Rose have her hobbies, interests, and tries to enjoy them with her while trying to hide her worries and sorrows that Sburb will happen. She couldn't explain to Rose about what Sburb was or what was going to happen. Rose wouldn't believe her Mom and she knows this. It's not really the same for Roxy entering it. It feels like a copout or worse, a REPLACEMENT, of Mom Lalonde. Sure they share similar traits, but she isn't exactly the person who raised her. The same can apply to Roxy's view on Rose as her own mom. She isn't exactly the same either. The only person who still got to keep her guardian safe was none other than Jane Crocker for her Dad Crocker. John hugging him is confusing since he isn't exactly like Dad Egbert. It baffles me people had accepted this or believe Dad Crocker and Dad Egbert were one in the same person, when they aren't.

The reason I believe it would have been better for the kids to meet with their guardians one last time, is to fully symbolize the growth of the kids as well as passing the baton onto the new generation. Growing up, maturing, and being a better person. That's what was suppose to be the theme of Homestuck and for heroes like the Beta Kids to reach by the end of the story. Without it, all the characters remained the same status quo and never fully changed.

[its-pip-art]

The Unbearable Weight of Tenderness

Pairing: Astarion x Female Dark Urge

Rating: Explicit/18+Warnings (will be added as the series progresses): Elves. Blood drinking. Biting. Sexual tension. Mentions of past abuse. Manipulation. Explicit smut (eventually). Slow burn. Like...really slow. Mutual pining. A nickname that is hated at first but then so so loved.

Chapter 1: Suspicious

Chapter Two: Friends

Antillia stared at Astarion’s tent. It was early, the earliest she had been up since she could remember (only weeks, but still, the earliness of it felt monumental) and she was completely and irrevocably focused on the minute movements she could hear within said tent. The moment she had seen Astarion sneak off she knew she had to confront him, and when she saw him return to his tent covered in blood she knew it had to be that morning. The other members of camp and not yet stirred, but Astarion had been awake for some time. Antillia watched his pale hand emerge from the din and she stood straight and braced herself with clenched fists. 

Astarion ducked out of his tent and was immediately apprehended by Antillia. “Ah, you’re up early.” 

“Are you a vampire?” Antillia asked directly.

Astarion stepped back, eyes wide, “What on earth makes you think that? Of course I’m not.” 

“You’re the palest person to walk Faerun, you sneak off at night, there was that dead boar the other day that you were super weird about-…” Antillia’s eyes drifted past him and she caught a rare glimpse inside his tent, “there’s a jar of red liquid right there.” She pointed in accusation. “And I have never seen you eat.”

Astarion’s jaw hung, “I - I’m into necromancy.” He tried to knock Antillia off the scent. There was a heaviness to his limbs.

Antillia’s invasive gaze narrowed. “I thought you were a magistrate?” 

“And people can be pale, Antillia.” 

Antillia continued to glare at him. “They can be, but rarely are people as pale as the moon.” She yelped when Astarion grabbed her by the arm and yanked her inside his tent. Her eyes darted around the tent to search for any further evidence before she was unceremoniously slaughtered - if Gale found her corpse he would at least cast Speak with Dead on her and she could spill all of the beans on their traitorous vampire comrade. 

“Please don’t tell the others,” Astarion said quietly as he released her arm. He tutted at her face wrought with obnoxious glory.

Antillia’s victorious smile softened to comfort him, “I wasn’t planning on it, I just wanted to know for my own sake.” The darkness around them felt safer now that she knew, she closed the space between them and her eyes devoured him. “How are you able to walk in the sun?” 

Astarion could hear the rhythmic thrum of her heart and from that calmness in her chest he believed that she had no ulterior motive. “It has to be the tadpole, I…I couldn’t do this before. I couldn’t do anything before.” His muscles began to coil under her scrutiny and he stepped back, “Look, I don’t know why this happened, I don’t know why I can walk in the sun again, or why I can cross running water - I don’t know why I’m still starving or why I can’t see this face…” He quieted for a moment and his gaze met hers, he wondered how her black eyes seemed to glitter in the darkness they were shrouded in… ‘the magic of wizards, perhaps.’ He thought. “But I know that I am better off here, sleeping in the dirt with strangers.” 

Antillia bowed her head slightly and offered a smile, “I count you as a friend if that helps.”

Astarion found a short laugh. “It doesn’t, but thank you for trying to comfort me after you rudely imposed such a line of questioning upon me.” He paused and watched her raptly. “Making friends doesn’t come naturally to you, does it?” Not that he had any clue on how to build a friendship, either, but he had certainly read about it enough to know that direct questions about life-altering secrets weren’t on the top of the list. ‘At least she had the good sense to do it whilst the others were asleep.’ He thanked the Gods for small mercies.

Antillia shrugged, “I wouldn’t know, I can’t remember anything before the beach.” 

Astarion’s eyebrows flew up his forehead. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” 

“I lied, sorry, I remember waking up on the ship - but before that there’s nothing.” Antillia rectified her previous statement. “At first I thought it was the tadpole, but I’ve been listening to everyone else talk about the before times and I realised this isn’t an us problem, it’s a me problem.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” Astarion was the one closing the distance between them this time to study her. He had noticed oddities, of course, most people were inherently strange - especially wizards. She seemed to have more than the average weirdo, however. He had noticed the long scar across her neck and how she reflexively opted for physical violence instead of casting spells. But oddest of all was her urge for blood. He found it charming, of course, but the others in camp did not.

Antillia looked down at Astarion’s neck, the former ‘welts’ now ‘bite marks’ peeked at her beneath the collar of his armour. “I overstepped by asking you if you were a vampire, so I should offer something in return, right? Friend to friend?” 

Astarion’s expression shifted from concerned to playful, “darling, we are not friends.” 

Antillia smiled. “Yes, we are.” 

“What makes you think that?” 

“You’re always near me.”

“I am not!” 

“And if you’re not near me you’re always looking at me.” 

“Am I?” 

Antillia nodded, noticing that the gap between them was very small. “You hardly talk to the others, either.”

Astarion flicked his gaze to her lips when her eyes met his again, he needed her to see his ‘want’. “I don’t think you’re describing a burgeoning friendship, dear.” He lowered his tone to that dangerous depth that always worked on his marks. 

Antillia felt her skin prickle with goosebumps and her lips parted, “what am I describing, then?” 

Astarion tilted his head to the left, a small action that added just the right amount of movement to his beautiful curls. “I want you to tell me.” A breathy whisper always worked. He watched her shudder. Delightful. 

“I swear to the Gods if you two are fucking in there I’m going to scream.” Karlach’s voice ripped through the tent.

“If we were, you would know.” Astarion called without breaking eye contact with Antillia, “You feel it, though, don’t you?” His tone softened again. 

Antillia found her backbone. “A lifelong friendship?” She stepped back and gripped the flap of his tent both for stability and to bring light into the space. “I’m glad you feel the same.” She stepped into the light and she bathed in the relief it brought. 

They packed up and hit the road, meandering several miles west of the Grove to the Blighted Village. 

“What were you two doing this morning?” Karlach drew up beside Antillia and nudged her. “Are you two forming a sexy elf alliance?” 

Antillia snorted. “Not exactly.” She adjusted the strap of her pack and sighed - she had thought about it, she had thought about it a couple of times if she was honest. Even in that first encounter they shared on the cliff, the way his dagger pressed against her neck made her stomach knot with arousal. She recalled the way he commanded her to nod only to praise her for doing so. The leather straps of her pack moaned as her grip on them tightened. 

Karlach grinned and glanced over her shoulder at Astarion and then back on the path ahead of her. “I’d ride him to the ends of Faerun if I had the chance.” 

Antillia welcomed her honesty and she relaxed somewhat. “He is stunning.” She admitted. 

“There’s someone up ahead,” Karlach said quietly. 

Antillia stiffened and squinted, recognising quickly who stood at the end of the bridge. “It’s that arsehole from the Grove.” She broadened her shoulders as they drew nearer and stood a few paces short of the bridge’s end. “What are you doing here?” 

“Well look who’s finally using words instead of punching people.” 

Antillia rolled her eyes. “Maybe if you weren’t an idiot I wouldn’t have to smack you into the ground…so are you going to be an idiot again?”

Aradin threw a scroll onto the ground. “I’m not dealing with this - I’m done.” 

Astarion drew up beside Antillia and watched as Aradin and his men stalked off. “I don’t think he’s forgiven you for punching him.” 

Antillia chuckled and reached to pick up the scroll, she glanced over it before pocketing it for later perusal. “Have you forgiven me for head-butting you?” 

Astarion pursed his lips in performative thought, “Not yet, but I could be persuaded.” 

Antillia looked sidelong at Astarion and waited for his smirk to waver, but it never did. She pressed on into the village, easily convincing the Goblins that they were friends before quickly mobilising the core group in strategic areas of the village to kill them. 

A few errant fireballs later the group sat around a large fire, gratefully eating. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to disturb!” 

They all looked up at the bard from the grove and wondered how she made it to them without making a sound.

“Alfira, wasn’t it?” Antillia stood. 

“That’s right - again, I’m sorry to disturb you all…it’s just-…” 

“Are you hungry? We’ve got extra.” Karlach offered a plate to Alfira. 

Lae’zel stared at Alfira as she sat. “Who is this?” 

Alfira sat stiffly, “we met at the grove.” 

Lae’zel shook her head, stood and left the fire. 

Antillia grimaced and sat back down. “Has something happened to the Grove?” 

Alfira shook her head and gratefully ate the hot food. “I want to see the world and I was hoping you would take me with you…” Silence gripped the circle. 

“Absolutely not,” Astarion announced on behalf of the group, but Antillia’s elbow struck his ribs. 

Antillia quickly sought counsel with the group by staring at each of them - their confused expressions didn’t yield any answer, they clearly weren’t at the level of psychic communication…despite the tadpoles… “Alright.” 

“Gods.” Astarion groaned. “No lute.” He pointed viciously.

Antillia rolled her eyes at Astarion, “Don’t listen to him.”

Antillia’s eyes focused on the red haze before her. Gore. Her stomach lurched with pleasure and she dropped to her knees. Through the red, she picked out splashes of soft pink and teal. “Alfira?” She coiled her fingers in Alfira’s blood drenched hair. The tiefling’s intestines sat coiled on top of her stomach. Antillia’s jaw hung and she heaved in air. “Alfira…” Antillia’s black eyes met Alfira’s black eyes - or rather, the cavities where her sunshine eyes had once been. 

[thotclaws]

For the sake of not wanting to ramble too much. I do need to say this and idgaf if I loose followers over this.

The moment that you agree with Lily Orchard on literally anything. From her horrible bad takes and criticism, from her allegations of her abusive behavior and narcissistic tactics towards her followers or her team. Is you agreeing with a predator.

Idc if you feel like you need to justify your reasons. You still saying her opinion is valid.

This is me from my own experience with this kind of abusive behavior being very normalized that people forgot that people from different backgrounds can be shitty people that shouldn’t have a platform.

It’s the same situation with Blaire White who can get away with her horrible behavior towards trans people that aren’t her. The only difference is she’s a right wing grifter who doesn’t care what happens to other trans people who desperately need to have a safety net and a strong support system. With Lily. She’s a wokeschold who is trying to change her narrative on her views that are contradictory to her original points. A lot of what she’s saying is trying to get others to agree with her on so many subjects. From drug abuse and queer rights. She’ll change her mind in the blink of an eye because she can and nobody can call her out because of her gender identity.

The other similarities between these two trans women is their impressionable audience. They see both women as “the good ones” or “reasonable” when clearly they have ulterior motives. Blaire’s content is centered around drama as of recent instead of her usual transphobia. She masks this transphobia with bullying other trans individuals that don’t fit within the cisgender stereotypes. She’s made horrible remarks towards trans athletes too in which the actual athlete had to speak out against Blaire for her misinformation. Lily is all about bad faith media criticism masked with a far left bias and little to no media literacy within her videos. Making it seem as if she’s smart and knows what she’s talking about. Therefore once people see that she calls Rebecca Sugar a nazi. Suddenly everyone else calls Rebecca Sugar a nazi because of the lack of information regarding the discourse. It is once again her power and influence to tell others what people should consume because of the length of her “garbage and here’s why” videos.

These two women have also been called out numerous times in the past few years and there’s only more allegations against them. Some that are brand new that come to light!

Again. Please make your own judgments and find your own conclusions instead of basing them on these two horrible women. They don’t deserve the attention. The moment they “apologize” why they change on a dime. Unfortunately they’ll just go back to their old ways. Not learning shit.

Idk this is me rambling

But anyways, hopefully America doesn’t go further into fascism.

Let’s hopefully it doesn’t.

[lenaariewrld]

C.05 — the concert thing (w)

ON THE AIR — childe x reader smau

| SYNOPSIS;; Teyvat University’s popular radio personality, Y/n L/n, has only one gripe with her life. Her classmate, neighbour, and all-around nuisance in her life, Tartaglia. Their rivalry extends just past academics and, to her horror, into her work. He becomes the music director and co-host for her radio show, working alongside her most nights and forcing himself even deeper into her life. But is he really trying to just be friends, or is there an ulterior motive to his actions?

| WC: 2.6k

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You and Ganyu stand on the sidewalk as Cyno parks his car and pays for the spot –estimating the amount of time the three of you will be there– while the both of you lean against each other casually. You had snatched one of Cyno’s jackets before leaving the house and now used it to cover you and Ganyu, your arms snaked around her shoulders and your chin on her hair. The air outside was slightly chilly with the wind, but still warm from the summer heat. At least it wasn’t balmy and humid anymore. For that, you were grateful. The pleasant moments ends when Cyno joins the two of you, looping one of his arms each with you and leading the way to the bar.

A small line was already forming when the three of you walked closer, full of excited young adults ready to have a memorable night or anxiously waiting to see Childe and his band perform. You recognize a few of the people in the line, waving to classmates or to people who greet you with an excitable call of your name. This bar was pretty popular for university students, so you aren’t surprised that people who also know about your show are here. You’re just surprised about the overlap between yours and Childe’s audience. As Cyno skirts his way to the front, you overhear a couple conversations. You don’t resist the urge to roll your eyes when you hear a couple girls whispering about him and how attractive they find him.

It was annoying, but you knew the man had charm. That you couldn’t necessarily deny.

It just didn’t work on you.

With a flash of Cyno’s student ID and the newspaper’s lanyard he wore, all three of you get accepted into the bar. Immediately, you and Ganyu beeline it to find an empty table far enough away from the stage to avoid anyone from that group recognizing your presence. Cyno goes to get drinks, meanwhile. The first thing you noticed upon setting your bag down and tucking your friend’s jacket over your legs was the atmosphere. The bar was crowded, expected for a Friday night. 

The lights are dimmed enough to add a sense of intimacy between people’s conversations and to provide contrast to the bright stage lights that have been set up on the far end of the bar, directly opposite from the bar where some very worn-looking bartenders dash left and right to make a million drinks. You pity them, hoping they get tipped well enough to deal with this particular chaos.

A couple minutes pass before Cyno returns, three drinks delicately balanced in his hands. A virgin drink for Ganyu, and two colorful (and probably very boozy) cocktails for the two of you. You clink your glass with him. “So, what all do you need for this paper?” You ask, willing to help where you can since you had nothing better to do. Even if you were dragged here.

“A couple pictures of the performance, some comments from the band members, and maybe a video to replay while I’m writing later so I don’t leave out any details.” The white-haired man tells you, counting off on his fingers. You sip from the little bendy straw in your glass, humming thoughtfully. “I was hoping I could catch Thoma afterwards and get something from him since he’s the only one I know–”

“And can tolerate?” You finish with a cheeky grin. Cyno nods, a smile pulling at his lips as well. You chuckle and lean your elbows on the table. “Me and Ganyu can record the set if you want to focus on everything else,” You offer.

Ganyu reaches over and gently takes the strawberry set on the rim of your glass. “We have a pretty good spot to watch, so if we record it, you definitely won’t miss anything,” She adds, matter-of-factly before eating the red fruit. You nod along, sliding the toothpick of fruits from Cyno’s drink her way as well.

“Thanks, guys,” He smiles, appreciative of your combined efforts to make this night go as quickly as possible. He turns his head as the lights on stage brighten. “They’re starting. I’m gonna go find a good vantage spot,” With that, your friend dismisses himself and disappears in the crowd as Childe and his bandmates shuffle onto stage. They’re loud and over the top, but they draw everyone in as they find their spots and introduce themselves. Admittedly, they even draw your attention in.

“Thank you all for coming to see us! And for those who didn’t, but may be interested; we are Vapriize,” Childe says into the mic, his hands adjusting his grip on the bass in his hands. The lead singer, a short little blue-haired guy named Scara, clears his throat and begins speaking next but you stopped paying attention by that point. Soon enough, they start to play and the music fills the bar.

You listen as Ganyu sets up her phone and begins recording, making sure to hold it high enough to see the entire stage of people’s heads. Oddly enough, as you listen, you find yourself enjoying the songs as the set progresses. It’s not the typical kind of grungy “I fuck girls and I know I’m hot” kind of music you expected.

Though it is a pop-rock type of instrumental, the lyrics imply a heavy heartbreak, with the lead singer passionately pleading whoever the song is about to give any crumb of attention, even if its just listening to the song, rather than leaving point blank. It was a raw desperation you knew well, something that resonated in your chest. The next couple songs are similar, lamenting how though the past relationship is over, the lead singer still finds pieces of her in every aspect of his life. Or about how apparent he’s made her effect on him and now without her absence it’s like he’s transparent. It sits uncomfortably in your gut, the way you relate to the songs, making your stomach sink further to your feet.

You down your drink and dismiss yourself to get another one, tapping Ganyu’s shoulder to alert her you’ll be right back. More music plays. You find yourself humming along once you sit down again, your well-manicured nails tapping on your cocktail glass, your chin propped on your hand, and your body swaying slightly to the music. At some point, Ganyu finds your hand and laces your fingers together, keeping the both of you grounded through the haze of the bar. During a quiet moment, she leans over to check on you.

“Are you enjoying this even a little bit?” She asks, raising her brows just slightly, a tiny wrinkle in between them. You smile and reach out to smooth it away.

“Maybe a little bit, but it’s hard not to be with you guys around,” You admit with a shrug. Cyno briefly shows up to your table once the set ends nearly an hour later, dropping off his camera and notepad.

“Gotta piss,” Is his only explanation before he darts off to the bathrooms. You laugh. Reaching over, you slide his possessions closer to you, taking care not to spill anything on the paper of your friend’s notepad. You glance over what he’s written so far, but you’re stumped by the chaos of his notes and the jumbled lines on the paper. It looks like nonsense, but you know Cyno’s process is one that works. You’ve read his completed works in the newspaper everytime a new issue comes out.

You tense as an all-too-familiar voice greets you. “Well, I didn’t expect to see you here… and dressed so pretty.” Childe slides into the third unoccupied seat at the little table, his chin propping onto his hand in a mirror of your position. You frown, crossing your arms instead. “Is it for me?” He continues, cocking his head to the side and raises his brow, his eyes darting over you. You make a gagging noise and dramatically turn away to cover your mouth.

“No it’s not. It’s for myself,” Your voice is cold as you speak to him, your glare biting. You refuse to break eye contact or back down. You were never one to be intimidated, and much less one to be so easily swooned by cheap words and bad pick-up lines. It helped when you also despised the person they came from. And you hate Childe. You hate his stupid smug face, and his perfectly tousled hair with the little blonde streak in the front. You hate the mischievous glint in his deep blue eyes, or the creases at the corners when he smiles. And you hate the way his voice purrs your name, slipping from his tongue like honey while he sidles ever so closer to your body.

“Mm, why are you here, Y/n?” He asks, watching the way you chug your second drink of the night, avoiding any chance to continue the conversation. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with me?” His voice is teasing, irritatingly so, but it’s also… softer. You notice his eyes darting around your face, some look in his eyes that for once isn’t mischief or malice. But one you definitely can’t place. You also notice he’s not looking over the rest of your body anymore, caring less about the revealing cut of your dress than the way your expression morphs.

He noticed you frowned less deeply when you were tipsy, your cheeks flushed all pink and your eyes blinking slowly. You looked more like an angry cat than anything. You looked… cute.

When you clear your throat, you notice Childe seem to break out of whatever trance he was in, his shoulders squaring a little more. “My friend needs to be here for his newspaper and I’m offering moral support.”

“Newspaper? Are they writing something about us?~” He hums.

“It’s not like it’s by choice. Your band is about as interesting to see as a flea circus,” You retort, chuckling into your cocktail as you take another dangerous gulp. The liquor burns your throat but it soothes the urge to gag whenever Tartaglia so much as opens his mouth.

“We’re plenty interesting,” Childe pretends to pout dramatically, tilting his head to the side like a wounded puppy. You’d find it charming how easily he could switch if it weren’t for the fact he used this ability to get on every single one of your nerves. “I saw you enjoying yourself for a few of our songs, even you little boytoy was bopping around,” He casts a glance around the bar.

“He’s not my boytoy,” You scoff, “Just because I have a friend who’s a guy doesn’t mean either of us wants to sleep together. Some of us are capable of viewing women as people, unlike you,” You spit the words as you turn your head away, hoping and praying Cyno finds you again so you can shoo Childe off for good.

“I can see plenty of women as people. Just not demons like you,” He laughs as if sharing a funny joke.

“Shut up, you ass,” You huff, moving to get up. Your cocktail no longer does the trick of helping you forget who you’re talking to or why it was so irritating to be around him. Childe moves to grab your wrist.

“Hey, hey, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings–”

“You have no effect on my feelings, Tartaglia,” You spit, teeth bared. “Let me go. I’m tired of talking to an un-empathetic loser,”

“You don’t have to be a bitch, you were the one who made the first joke,” Childe retorts, but he does as you say and lets go of your wrist, but now you were getting annoyed, your hands on your hips as you scoff yet again. His audacity was really something to behold.

“You’re the asshole who tried to force a conversation with me, don’t act like a saint,”

“I’m being friendly, Y/n,” He defends. You throw your hands up, exasperated at the excuse he doesn’t entirely seem to believe either. He’s stood up just like you are at this point, the both of you sizing each other up despite the fact that he easily clears you in height and strength.

“You’re being a fuckboy,” You seethe through gritted teeth, your eyes narrowed. Ganyu grabs bother bag and Cyno’s stuff from the chairs, urging you to evacuate the situation though you don’t entirely hear her, too focused on the annoying ginger right in front of you.

“Fuck you, Y/n,”

“Fuck you, too,” You declare, snatching your things off the table and taking Ganyu’s hand. “Let’s go,” You tell her and storm off without another word to the man. You’re still fuming as every second passes, carving your way through the crowd of people and towards the exit. You can find Cyno later, or even send him a text about where you are. For now, you just needed to get out of there.

You hated that you were worked up. But even worse, you hated that you felt a pang of disappointment in your chest, the conversation between you and Tartaglia having felt pretty naturally before you both exploded. God, that fact alone only made you more angry.

As soon as the fresh night air hits your face, you slow down and turn to Ganyu. “I’m sorry for… that,” You tell her, guilt evident on your face. She squeezes your hand.

“It’s not your fault, he came out of nowhere,” She assures, the both of you walking down the sidewalk to a less populated spot right outside the bar. You lean against the gritty brick and dig around in your purse for your lighter and pack, handing Ganyu your phone so she can text Cyno about where the two of you are.

After retrieving and lighting your cigarette, you place everything neatly back in your bag, inhaling deeply through the stick of nicotine. You manage to get a few drags in before the door to the bar bursts open, Cyno emerging with a tall, relaxed blonde following behind him. You recognize Thoma from the couple of time you had visited the newspaper staff a couple years ago, back when you had been trying out different things for your major. He looked better now. Well-built, more sure of himself. He waves to you and Ganyu as the two men approach, forming a loose group circle.

“How are you? What happened?” Cyno asked, eyeing the cigarette between your pointer and middle finger. You hold it out for him to take, letting him take a drag while you explained how Childe had come up to you and Ganyu and the conversation that had happened. “Dick,” Cyno mutters around the cig, blowing the smoke away from any of your faces before handing it back to you. “Sorry, I know he’s sorta your friend,” He then apologises to Thoma.

“Oh, I know he can be an ass, though,” Thoma waves his hand dismissively, chuckling as he shoves his hands in his pockets. You chuckle, giving him a nod of respect.

You, Cyno, and Ganyu all catch up with Thoma as you relax again and finish your little vice. The conversation remains light-hearted and easy, none of you daring to breach any uncomfortable topics while the night was so nice and peaceful. The buzzing of bugs in your ears and the fuzzy feeling of the nicotine and liquor in your system helping to calm you down. By the time you all call it a night, you feel less shitty.

“Goodnight, take care of yourself,” You say as you hug Thoma, squeezing him tight. He hugs you back, echoing a similar sentiment before you both part. The others give their own goodbyes and your two groups split off. Cyno leads you and Ganyu back to his car, taking back his things from the blue-haired woman with a grateful hum before climbing in and driving you all home.

You’re not sure what to make of this night but one thing is certain. You definitely, certainly, without a doubt, hate Childe. And co-hosting with him was going to be hell.

———

A/Ns: we getting into it!! i looooove writing banter (and getting to see the enemies are maybe-not-so-enemy's)!! as always, likes/reblogs/comments are appreciated in any form, and don't forget to get rest and take care of yourself <33

TAGLIST: @popiizpops

[laugtherhyena]

No way carol finally putting lore of these idiots on tumblr, lmao sometimes i forget i talked about them mainly just on instagram.

As i mentioned in a previous post, these girls are two separate entities that got bound together by the powers of the duo gem. Which is essentially a synthetic parasite created by the Chess kingdom during the grand war, the goal was to create an actifact that could fuse two warrioes together, leading to the creation of a new, stronger soldier. But because of the war and the struggles that come with it this level was never achived in the creation of these gemstones, majority of them was destroyed by attacks from the Canopy kingdom and the remaining few were hidden by its creators.

Naturally, there are curious people who would pay a fortune to get their hands on these relics, and that's exactly what Mariana was hired to do; find the duo gemstone and bring it to the buyers.

The thing is, she didn't know about the expreimental, and rather unstable, nature of the gemstone. She just new that it was this big shiny thing she was sent after, so Mari went about it as usual and before she knew it she had been sucked inside the actifact and was now locked in this small red room with sparkling walls.

On the oustide world, the gem attached itself to the back of her jacket and stayed like that for almost a whole year until this jacket was purchased by Dagger after ending up in some street market.

Dagger who at this point in time was fresh out of the Silent stalkers, the criminal organization responsible for training ninja assasins for hire that she had been taken into after becoming an orphan during the Grand war. So she wasn't doing much with her life and was sorta just sulking around without purpose or much will to do anything.

So she brought the jacket and it was when she put it on that the gemstone ripped through it and attached itself to her back (Dagger's spine to be more specific), it was only then that Mariana was able to come out of it, in that trage shadowy form, permanently attached to the other girl's back.

So yeah, not the best conditions.

They're not on good terms at all at the start, with Dagger constantly complaining and being bothered about the situation which angers Mariana a whole lot and they end up arguing most of the time + she's generally very angry/distressed over losing her body and being stuck to Dagger, who at that point she saw as nothing but a good for nothing lazy bitch.

It's after a little while that she finds out about Dagger's past of being a trained assasin and all (Dagger herself told her, she shares information very easily without much thought) and that's when Mariana has an idea of how to get herself out of this mess; She'll manipulate Dagger into going after the skullheart so that she can snatch it and wish to have her body back.

So Mariana gathers her old gear and insists that she does have talent when it comes to fighting and shouldn't give up on it, she fixes Dagger's old uniform, gets her back into training by sparring in their apartment, and then tells her that if they were able to fight and defeat the skullgirls they could bring the skullheart back to the Silent stalker's base which would show them just how strong Dagger is, after all, killing a skullgirl is no easy feat.

Dagger finds the idea awesome and gets totally on board with hunting down the skullgirl. Being unaware of Mariana's ulterior motives, she wholeheartedly trust her and pretty much adores her, she sees her as the first person in years who actually put faith in her and a real friend! It's this love from Dagger's part that leads to them developing a real friendship, with Mariana genuinely carring for someone other than her for once.

Will she be able to go through with her plans involving the skullheart?

[kin-the-muffin]

i currently have a half-baked theory about alastor…

ok so in the finale, he said that he wants freedom, meaning he has been restricted in some way. but as far as we’ve seen and can tell, he is basically free to do as he wishes. and of course there’s the theory with lilith being the one owning his soul, which he might have traded away to gain such insane amounts of power. but what has he ever done that didn’t seem to be in his best interest?

charlie.

yea, yea, i hear you and your sassy clips of him saying he’s helping the hotel simply for boredom’s sake and that he enjoys watching people try to do something meaningful but then fail in the process but! that would imply that he’d done so before, but we have never, not once, ever heard that he even dabbled in such a thing. (and don’t you dare try to tell me that he actually cares about charlie, the man is the most manipulative, sadistic little mf i’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something because i’ve seen miraculous ladybug and hate liela rossi as much as anyone else.) the only things we know about his past is that he appeared in hell very suddenly with lots of power, he toppled countless overlords overnight, and his radio podcast killed tons of demons. nothing of this has to do with other beings in hell trying to make it better (as i highly doubt any of those overlords had good intentions since they were, well, overlords). but he doesn’t seem the type to do things meaninglessly, he always has ulterior motives.

but then if his excuses of entertainment are as flimsy as i’m making them out to be then why would he ever help charlie? well, i think that brings us back to lilith. it’s far from a rarely-noticed detail that the length of alastor and her’s disappearances were for the same amount of time and while we know that lilith spent that time in heaven (if that even is lilith, but idk enough about that theory so i’m just gonna assume that it’s her and that she’s been in heaven the whole time), we don’t have a smack-dab CLUE as to what alastor was up to during his vacay. then he just shows up out of nowhere, at the idealistic princess of hell’s doorstep of all places.

well, i’ve had a sneaking suspicion for a while that lilith’s deal (at least part of it), in exchange for his power, was to help charlie in some way. i’m thinking that’s why he seemed so torn-up about how he almost ‘died for his friends’. he doesn’t care for any of them (except maybe nifty but i think that’s just bonding over shared mania (i think rosie (and maybe zestial) is the only one he truly, honestly cares about, but i get the feeling that even that relationship is pretty business-based)).

we have no idea what lilith is like, we have absolutely zero characterization of her except for what charlie explains about her in episode 1, that she’s passionate and hardworking and stubborn and independent—qualities that charlie mostly has in abundance. so i would say that she’s cared about charlie this whole time but due to whatever is keeping her in heaven, she can’t help her, except that lilith seems a little too malevolent to care about charlie’s hotel. why would she? she fell in love with a dreamer who shared her rebellious heart and for this, she was the first human soul cast into hell. she has never had any kind of reason as to why she would ever want to go to heaven, or anyone else for that matter (as she did work to make hell into the semi-civil place it is now). and we have no idea how close she and charlie were before she left (i suspect we’ll learn more about that in season 2), so we can’t assume that she’ll just support charlie, whatever her aspirations may be. so i honestly have no idea as to why lilith would enlist alastor to help charlie, but i am fairly convinced that this is the case of what’s happened.

thoughts?

[yennefxr]

Why Vilgefortz threw himself off a cliff (ft. Girlboss Yennefer)

TWN based spoiler heavy Vilgefortz ramble about subterfuge, Aretuza's destruction and his ultimate frenemy Yennefer. 

If you ask yourself ‘Why did Vilgefortz do that?’ or ‘How could Yennefer do this?’ This one’s for you. 

Vilgefortz throwing himself off a cliff in season one to the pearl-clutching horror of Witcher fans was actually kind of genius. The greatest sorcerer on the Continent loses a sword fight to Cahir of all people and as a result Vilgefortz is written off as a thoughtless, useless and ineffectual villain. 

It’s too far of a stretch to consider the central antagonist of the saga may have an ulterior motive and that the fight’s victor was total misdirection.

Cahir was always going to walk away unscathed for two reasons:

Cahir doesn’t know it yet but they’re coworkers and it’ll reflect badly on Vilgefortz if he fillets him. 

Cahir is the only person that knows the true identity of Ciri and this is invaluable information to both Emhyr and Vilgefortz for their respective elder blood schemes.

The fight was subterfuge and the outcome never mattered, what did matter was that Yennefer was there to witness it. 

Vilgefortz’s behaviour is overtly theatrical during this scene - he dramatically flies in, he’s throwing swords about the place, he’s doing flips, Christ he even has a gimmick involving an endless supply of swords. He could have severed the mind connection with Yennefer at any point but it was imperative she witnessed this performance. Why? 

In S2 Vilgefortz has essentially fucked his way to the top. He’s not exactly subtle and there are clues to his true motives throughout all of his scenes. For example:

  He tells a Nilfgaardian soldier he can’t save him today because he’s Team Aretuza right now (a cute throwback to him bashing that Northern Kingdom soldier’s head in at the end of S1).

He is openly conversing with Emhyr within Aretuza, most likely about elven baby slaughter.

And finally he is so obviously manipulating Tissaia that it’s almost criminal he didn’t look down the camera and wink. But I digress.

Vilgefortz’s theatrics return during Cahir’s fake execution (because yet again Cahir was never at risk). Our attention is firmly on Yennefer and Cahir’s Bonnie-and-Clyde style escape and not on how every northern royal or high ranking member of Aretuza saw Vilgefortz hand that axe to Yennefer before she went full renegade. This may not seem significant but Cahir has now miraculously survived two near-death experiences and both times Yennefer and Vilgefortz have been at the helm. 

For Vilgefortz to put Cahir’s neck on the line he would need to know exactly what Yennefer intended but so far they’ve interacted for maybe five minutes at most. So how much does he know about Yen? 

During his introduction in S1 he knew exactly how to locate her, her romantic past with Istredd and the strength of her bond with Tissaia. Using the latter he expertly manipulates her back to Aretuza and onto the battlefield with a few clever words. 

They strategised together at Sodden to coordinate the counterattack and in the process he let her take the lead, so he knows exactly how she operates in combat situations. 

By the end of season two he knows Yennefer is with Ciri and Geralt since he has been tracking Ciri from the moment she fled Cintra through Rience. He knows all about her family unit and what that means to her to have that connection. 

Vilgefortz has clearly been studying Yennefer since before he appeared on screen, but if that isn’t a convincing enough argument, he’s also a mind reader. He’s so adept at it in the books that he’s frequently shown as bored waiting for characters like Geralt and Ciri to catch their thoughts up with his conversation. 

Whilst not yet confirmed in the show, an audition transcript posted back in May 2022 on RI alludes to Vilgefortz being far worse than just a mindreader: 

Voice 1: I can tell you that whoever did this has grand plans. It’s a mind-control enchantment. Anyone’s head would be a tangled mess.  Voice 2: Mind control? To what end? Voice 1: I don’t know. But it’s damned powerful. It has elements of sorcery, druidic magic and there’s even some ancient elven in this spell. That’s the other thing. The subject must be part elven. Maybe a couple of generations removed, but still. Voice 1: Who would have the power to do something like this? Voice 2: I don’t know anyone with the knowledge to do something like this. It would take lifetimes to acquire these all these skills, but whoever he is, he has a variety of interests.

This scene is now confirmed to take place during episode 3 of Season 3 with one of these voices being Geralt. 

Vilgefortz knows in S3 through his own studies of elder blood that Yennefer will need help tempering the chaos within Ciri and he knows exactly where she will turn. Straight back to Aretuza and her own maternal figure Tissaia with whom he has conveniently allied himself with both politically and romantically.

We've seen in the trailer that Geralt is less than enthused by this but Yennefer is adamant it's the best thing for Ciri.

Vilgefortz will actively defend and encourage Yennefer’s return to Aretuza despite her reputation across the Continent as a traitor, because Ciri will fall right in his lap. And whilst it seems strange for Vilgefortz to defend Yen he’s actually done it before in this deleted scene with Stregobor.

Stregobor: There’s something unnatural in her Vilgefortz: And there’s something unnatural in how entrenched your protege is with Nilfgaard 

Vilgefortz could have commented on any of Stregobor’s antics but he deliberately chose to rebuke Istredd. Stregobor’s student and one time spy. It’s reminiscent of teachers arguing about their student’s behaviour. It’s small but Vilgefortz has planted that seed of connection between him and Yennefer and he has been doing so continuously. 

Stregobor is truly the boy who cried wolf after the Renfri debacle and as such the audience (and Aretuza) is totally unsympathetic to his protestations of a traitor being amongst them. He’s so adamant in his prejudice towards Yen that he blindly appeals to the real traitor, again emphasising how the lines between Yennefer and Vilgefortz are starting to blur. 

Stregobor is the first to identify the connection but TWN has not been shy in making parallels between Yennefer and Vilgefortz:

In S1:

Yennefer is strapped into a chair and forcibly sterilised. This never happens in the books and it is voyuersticly grisly in the show. Vilgefortz straps women into chairs and forcibly removes their wombs as part of his elder blood experiments in the books.

Yennefer stands at the top of Sodden Hill and scorches the Earth below. In the books Vilgefortz’s last stand at Stygga invokes a similar image. 

In S2:

Yennefer is the hero of Sodden. In the books, Vilgefortz is the hero of Sodden. Though in the show they can't seem to make up their minds.

And the piece de resistance is that Yennefer hunts Ciri across the Continent to sacrifice her for magical powers. In the books, (you already know where this is going)it’s Vilgefortz. 

Yennefer and Vilgefortz themselves even acknowledge their shared calculating natures during a terse discussion of the political fallout after Sodden.  

Possibly their most contentious connection is Tissaia.

Vilgefortz was justifiably criticised for being romantically involved with Tissaia but there’s zero consideration as to his motive entering that relationship. Putting aside Tissaia and Vilgefortz’s shared political aspirations and their similar ideology on what to do with girls who no longer serve their purpose (eelgate), we’re left with Yennefer. 

We know Vilgefortz has been manipulating both women and that he’s been watching them closely. He repeats Tissaia’s own words to Yennefer back to her like a mantra:

But to what end? Vilgefortz has nothing but contempt towards Tissaia and Yennefer’s relationship, and later Yennefer and Ciri’s bond. This is all a projection of his horrific mommy issues (more on that later) but here's an example of his feelings towards motherhood taken from Lady of the Lake: 

“I would have given you a reason for your crippled excuse of a maternal instinct. Although you’re dry and sterile as a stone, you’d not only have a daughter, but a granddaughter too. Or at least an excuse for a granddaughter."

Aretuza is the perfect hunting ground for Vilgefortz to find victims for his elder blood experiments. Students that don’t ascend are callously discarded, and coupled with the fact the girls have only been sent there as they have zero place in society and their families want them gone, they now fit the profile of ‘perfect victim’. Nobody’s that won’t be missed. If S3 follows the books then when Vilgefortz and Tissaia take control over Aretuza Tissaia will be promoted to Arch-Mistress meaning her protection of the girls slips as her her attention shifts elsewhere. Now Vilgefortz can play.

However there was a moment in S1 that makes me think he’s been set up an opposing force to Tissaia’s maternal nature since the beginning:

Vilgefortz has been snatching these girls from just beyond Tissaia’s reach. He is making a mockery of her role as rectoress and the motherly role she has adopted towards her girls. This has now been confirmed as true via RI.

What becomes of Vilgefortz’ victims is something Geralt will discover in S3 when he goes on the hunt for Rience’s master and discovers a grotesque monster consisting of girl body parts fused together by fire. Fun. 

Tissaia and Vilgefortz’s relationship was never simple - consider these motives and exactly why he is so intimately placed within Tissaia and Yen’s relationship. Vilgefortz has dug his claws deeps and intends to weaponise Tissaia’s demise against Yennefer to break her.

Now onto the coup, in a bid for redemption a politically motivated Yennefer will be directly responsible for organising the conclave of mages in S3. Whether she is directed to do so by Tissaia or Vilgefortz or through her own volition remains to be seen. We know there are ulterior motives regardless of who hosts.

 What’s particularly striking about this is that as Thanedd burns it completes Yennefer’s self fulfilling prophecy, as warned about over the seasons by Stregobor.

Stregobor is adamant Yennefer will lead Thanedd to ruin and compares her alleged actions to that of Falka during her rebellion in S2. Anything to reclaim power. He insists history will repeat itself and likely foreshadows his own death at Thanedd:

The question is will Stregobor uncover the true identity of Aretuza’s traitor or will he die clinging to the belief that Yennefer will betray them all?

Moving onto the aftermath of the Thanedd coup the tiny blink and you miss it interactions between Vilgefortz and Yen take form - the fight that never was, the power exchange in front of Kings, her return to Aretuza, and all the jarring similarities between them. Yen was never working with Nilfgaard, she was working with him. At least this is what Vilgefortz wants the Continent to believe and he’s been planting that seed since S1. Stregobor noticed it. The Northern Kings saw it. Geralt will see it. 

Now Yennefer is all alone and her relationships have been systematically destroyed. 

Aretuza is gone and Tissaia is dead. Geralt has only just forgiven Yen for trying to sacrifice Ciri in S2, what will his natural conclusion be when Yennefer takes them to Aretuza and lands them in front of Vilgefortz? The Lodge knows Yennefer is innocent but that doesn’t fit their narrative so her friends run with her being a traitor and are happy to let her die as one.

Yennefer is now on the run and the only path she has is directly back to Vilgefortz.

TWN may not delve as far into her isolation as the books did; there are hints that Geralt and Yennefer will face Vilgefortz together and honestly I would prefer that. Geralt’s acceptance that Yennefer betrayed him in the books never sat well with me so I would welcome that change in the show. 

So why has Vilgefortz done this to Yen? We begin to understand when Vilgefortz tries to recruit Geralt during Time of Contempt; he beguiles him with philosophy, immortality and concerning ideologies regarding women but Geralt simply doesn’t bite, until Vilgefortz hits too close to home.

"And there at the end of the world, I met a woman. A sorceress". "Be careful", whispered the Witcher, and his eyes narrowed. "Be careful that the similarities you are so desperately searching for don’t lead you too far".

Geralt rejects all of Vilgefortz’s attempts to find common ground with him and alluding to Yennefer is a step too far. Vilgefortz denies this connection and goes onto discuss how his preternatural rage stems from his mother’s rejection, the callousness of the Brotherhood and then back to the sorceress once more. 

“I left her. Because she was promiscuous, arrogant, spiteful, unfeeling and cold. Because it was impossible to dominate her, and her domination of me was humiliating…I left her, because she was like my mother. I suddenly understood what I felt for her was not love at all…a perverse need for suffering and atonement. What I felt for that woman was hate.”

Vilgefortz’s reason for becoming a mage was hatred - he has nothing but contempt for women and the magical Chapter. Yennefer is the embodiment of that hatred, from her own cold and spiteful demeanour and later her selfless maternal quest to save Ciri, she is the perfect target for his rage. He wants her to suffer and be humiliated as he was. 

Neither Vilgefortz or Yennefer were ever going to be satisfied sitting courtside at the beck and call of a King, in that respect and in many other ways they are similar. But their major difference is where that quest for power leads them and for Yennefer in TWN that leads her to attempting to sacrifice Ciri to regain what she lost. 

Yennefer gains far more when she meets Ciri - she finds connection, she finds a daughter, she finds everything she has been searching for. Her desire for power pales in significance to the point she would sacrifice her own life to save Ciri’s. She becomes utterly selfless and in doing so distinguishes herself from the Lodge and the antagonist she has been paralleled against from the second he appeared on screen. This is the Yennefer that will be tortured by Vilgefortz for months, but she accepts this as long as she can keep Ciri safe.

 I don’t necessarily agree with Yen’s actions in S2 but they’re not unfounded. The issue is the fandom at large has been drawn to caricatures of these characters that are the very antithesis of who they are. For a fandom that loudly professes their commitment to complicated women Yennefer was relegated to a love interest in S2 remarkably quickly. Fuck her complexity, she’s holding hands with a man now, therefore who cares what she did to Ciri. Let her be a little evil.

 It’s just such a dull reductionist take on Yen. 

Vilgefortz falls victim to this too - there’s zero exploration or even expectation of a motive which is tragic as the antagonist of the saga. It’s unusual how little traction Mahesh Jadu gets as a villain considering tumblr’s obsession with them but I imagine once Vilgefortz interacts with Geralt perception will change as it did with Yennefer after interacting with Jaskier, Istredd after meeting Geralt and I can only imagine the reception Phillipa will receive after interacting with Jaskier too. Is it an unfortunate pattern or is it just a coincidence that these characters only get traction after being blessed with meeting the golden white men of the franchise? I digress.

Vilgefortz and Yennefer are complicated characters who make zero attempt to coddle the audience but what they do do is contextualise each other. They are what the other hates most, and yet they’re mirror images. They deserve more than being reduced to lazy tropes and love interests and hopefully in S3 more people give both Anya and Mahesh the opportunity to show the depth and intrigue their characters can bring to the Witcher.