#the ones that are just like adult women wearing wigs. and makeup. Like that is not what the book is about. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

donnabroadway · 2 months ago

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Representation Matters

I believe one of the main reasons the mainstream natural hair movement lost momentum was the increased emphasis on inclusion, rather than true representation of all hair types. In my opinion, the 3a, 3b, and 3c natural hair types were heavily represented, but when women with tighter textures—such as 4a, 4b, and 4c—requested styles and techniques that suited their hair, they were met with what I believe was gaslighting. We were told that the same techniques and styles worked for everyone, and that it didn't work for us because we were doing it wrong. To make matters worse, instead of showcasing more women with tightly coiled hair, the focus shifted to featuring white women with type 2 hair. This felt insulting.

All we wanted were cute hairstyles for everyone, but many of the styles shown for type 4 hair felt reminiscent of childhood braids and twists. We wanted to know how to create twist-outs or braid-outs that actually worked for our hair, that made us feel like adults. Styles that we could comfortably wear into adult spaces such as work, social events, and date nights. Speaking from personal experience, I spent years twisting, braiding, LOC’ing, and curling, only to end up looking like a mix of Frederick Douglass and Krusty the Clown. This is likely one reason why many women have chosen to straighten their hair, loc it, or wear wigs instead. We never quite found our footing in the natural hair space. Rather than being accommodated, we were told we were the problem. So, we voted with our eyes and our dollars, choosing haircare methods that didn't involve relaxers.

Before Jackie Aina, there was very little unambiguous representation of Black women. Dark hair, dark eyes, brown skin—clearly the product of two African parents. For too long, our representation was defined by women whose Black heritage was not immediately obvious. Jackie Aina changed that. She didn’t just represent us—she boldly fought for our visibility. I applaud the work that figures like Golloria and makeup brands like Fenty have done to expand the range of available shades, but none of that would have been possible without Jackie Aina.

In the '80s, '90s, and early 2000s, makeup shades for melanated women were limited to maybe three or four options. I remember calling them "Black Girl 1" (a very fair brown), "Black Girl 2" (a tawny color), and the darkest shade, which was a golden brown—just a shade darker than the previous one. Unfortunately, none of these shades looked good on many Black women. Legend has it that NC45 by MAC was considered the "universal" shade for all darker-skinned people, which is likely why so many Black celebrities in the '80s and '90s appeared ashy: they were wearing makeup that didn’t match their complexion.

Jackie Aina was one of the only Black women doing makeup and hair tutorials in the early days of YouTube. There was also Andrea’s Choice, but she was fair-skinned, biracial, with auburn hair. She was a beautiful woman, but her makeup should not be touted as “universal.” What looks good on a fair-skinned woman with light eyes and hair may not look good on a darker-skinned woman with dark eyes and hair. Everything is not for everybody—and that’s okay.

There needs to be a return to thoughtful, discerning makeup choices. Stop trying to make every shade work for everyone. I believe one reason many of our elders, aside from religious beliefs, discouraged us from wearing makeup—particularly red lipstick—was because those shades weren’t made for darker skin tones and often made us look unnatural. There’s nothing worse than seeing a beautiful woman, of any shade or hue, wearing makeup or hair color that harshly contrasts with her natural features.

I remember in college, a very fair-skinned friend of mine dyed her hair jet black, and without prompting, I told her it was too dark for her complexion. I was called mean, but I believe I was right. She was a beautiful woman, but that dark color washed her out. Similarly, when I dyed my hair honey blonde, I immediately disliked it and went back to my natural color. Preferences matter, and there's nothing wrong with that.

One of the things I find frustrating about the newer generation on social media is their lack of appreciation for the pioneers who paved the way. I often see people in TikTok comments calling out Franchesca Ramsey, or Chescaleigh, who was a pioneer not only in the conscious comedy space but also one of the first to represent locs in the early 2010s. Her neatly styled locs challenged the stereotype that locs were dirty or messy. She made more women feel comfortable wearing loc’d hairstyles, to the point where many brides began opting for loc’d and natural styles on their wedding day, instead of the more socially acceptable straight hair styles.

There was also Joulezy, who started by doing hair tutorials for type 4 hair but eventually expanded into the commentary space. It angers and saddens me when I see her called elitist or a “yapper” by the younger generation. Joulezy brought Black girl and HBCU representation to the growing intellectual YouTube space, and her contributions shouldn't be dismissed.

I hate that representation and the opportunity for qualified people—regardless of their race or ethnicity—has become so politicized under the label of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion). One thing I’ve noticed as I move between social classes is that what children believe they can become is largely dictated by their environment and who they see in it. Seeing people who look like them doing things they never thought someone like them could do is incredibly important. Representation makes dreams that once seemed far off feel attainable, helping to turn them into a reality.

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thatcosplayblog · 2 years ago

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Poison Ivy Cosplay tutorial by mod fear stirder. newbie to tumbles.

youtube

POSION IVY COSPLAY TUTORIAL by request of melody swan and Laly Palay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcneI2oiTbI&pp=ygUsYm9keSBzdXRpIHR1dG9yaWFsIGludmlzaWJsZSBza2luIHNwZWNpYWwgZng%3D This is a video on special effects woudsn which can help teach you to use liquid latex which you can use to sew or place or stick the leaves onto you using special fx spirit gum

Tight Bodysuti shapewear haul by youtuber Amouranth

How to color match a bodysuit

Teachingmensfashion the trick here is to get a skin tight body suit in green or sew a leotard or use special fx on plasties and spirit gum to hide your you know BOOBAGE and make it look veluntius. Its important given the science and psychology of it all you know your fashion.

Brands for contacts

Unsiquoe, honeycolor, and pinky paradise.

For small tykes, They can just pretend without all the exaggeration.

(kids) Leotard Mint Green [Leatard Butique] if the little girl is plus size order a few sizes up and tailor it.

Sleeveless Mock Neck Leotard

Kepblom Women's Sleeveless Shiny Metallic Leotard

Sparkly Turtleneck Bodysuit (shiny off color) [amazon]

PLUS SIZE SOLID GREEN LEEATARD [shein so its delicate and you should order atleast 2 more items or you’ll get the last of the batch hence poor quality]

Full Bodysuit Womens Costume Without Hood Spandex Zentai Unitard Body Suit [recomended] [amazon]

PLus size seemels bodysuit

Petiet or curvy plain tiger bodysuit [s-xl so xs-m unless you have curves and are thin]

https://www.thecostumeking.com/skin-suit-green-adult-plus.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjw2qKmBhCfARIsAFy8buKOzNKJ43-kz1FFYIESqN5j7VflaBlvkxUu08r6Zd7hpLL6jdbkNpgaAlCVEALw_wcB 47

LEAVES:

You want to look at arts and crafts stores or small indie brands like etsy that sell loose leaves, real or imagined just make sure its not actually posion ivy and or plastic, and you’ll go great.

Bitterleaf, onugbu, ewuro,shuwaka,ndoleh, Cây M��t Gấu Leaves-Fresh farm vegetable you want to loko up art supplies with this or buy a plant and after 3 months chop it up to preserve the environment.

A Box of Fresh Bitter Leaves - Vernonia Amygdalina, Ewuro, Etidot, Onugbu, Ityuna, Oriwo, Kongo bololo Som eof these are real so look for plastic alternatives. This is like for an artsy photo shoot.but you can preserves them with light wax. Look up how to do that or you’re screwed.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1383698931/faux-magnolia-leaves-pack-of-24?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=loose+leaf+pack+craft+supplies&ref=sc_gallery-1-15&plkey=27736d64758893ff44045fe21e195cc22877fc61%3A1383698931’ leaves!

these are more of a prop but acrylic leavse [amazon]

You may have to repaint these but these [amazon]

Cat suits are great for some versions of posion ivy you just have to paint your skin green. Which needs white undertones or it looks shiny. The idea is to paint your skin green, to match the body suti with some kind of neck wear.

This search bar WIGS

A good wig is going to cost you at minum 40-50$ a really good one 60-90$ wigs have a life span of 3 months with bad care to 3 years with good hair to 30 years if sprayed and tanaegntted. Most people dont know drag that well though. Curly wigs are naturally tangented. They just have to be reastyleed from time to time to preserve them during that 30years. Wigsisfashion is my favorite brand and the most high end i have.

Quality review but not showcased.

Wig styling example [cc]

Wig examples of variety of quality as well.

Recomended wig [wig wavy lacefront ginger]

Maroon red wig [for alts of posion ivy] Red head with umph [wigsisfashion[

SKIN

Airbrush skin tutorials [recomended]

Makeup tutorial marcline it takes a few tries but do it with white and grey

Green makeup tutorial just add white powder as setting to make it less shiny or add white undertones when contouring

Recomned [posion ivy makeup tutorial] youtube madeywork

Poison ivy makeup tutorial also glue leaves to a bral and thread it like its a rope stick the rope with special effects across your body and add arm socks and your godo to go

Poison ivy makeup tutorial [for teh leaves]

Poison ivy makeup tutorial [best!]

MISC

Diy poison ivy costume AMber sholi

Shapewear tutorial

Shape wear

youtube

#cosplay #dc comics #tutorial #poison ivy #melody swan #actress #fear strider #female #presenting #red #white #albino #hispanic #blac #Youtube

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3liza · 4 years ago

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talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way.

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were ��normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems.

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character.

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with.

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

#filters #blog #hell world #long post

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anieastonbaker · 2 years ago

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photo by Sela Shiloni

hair, makeup & styling by me

i should tell the story of this haircut at some point. i was in a very abusive relationship and chopped all my hair off in one bout of particularly painful distress because i thought it would make him stop being attracted to me and leave me alone. i drove to a barber shop in long beach to do it, a recommendation from a friend, and just told her to take it all off. the heart-racing idea that this single external change may set me free outweighed my fear of losing the shield of my hair. he demanded conventional beauty; the more unattainable, the more frequent the demand, i was working so hard yet always behind. i wan't out of the race. cutting my hair did make him less attracted to me, he told me directly and often. but it didn't make him leave me alone. he needed me around for a sinister purpose and nothing i tried, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing released his grip on me. there was no where i could run to that he wouldn't find me and use his abundantly packed tool belt to wear me down and further down and further down until i was weak enough for him to drag me back to his cave.

after a month or so, i started to love my hair. i loved it on other girls before me and i thought it was chic as hell, actually. "i told him i loved the short hair and i "i wish you could recognize how cute it is" having reached the part of the abuse cycle where i am desperate to be back in his favor. "Sorry, I just can't. I like long hair."

he started buying me wigs. expensive wigs, like nothing i'd ever been around. the novelty of it stopped me from understanding what was happening to me. "What a cool adventure I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford! How fun!" is how i explained it to myself. once it was clear to me that there was no leaving, i tapped into the skills i learned as a child. "this isn't bad and i'm not scared. this is good, even. there's so much more i can try that i haven't tried yet. i can make this work. i have to."

i was taught no practical skills as a child, but i did develop quite a few in order to survive. like finding the lesson in everything, finding the flaw in yourself which explains why somebody is hurting you. if it's in you then you can fix it. if it's in you, you can make things better. it's what a child does when leaving isn't an option. it's what an adult does who has learned this as a child.

he bought me so many wigs i considered buying styrofoam heads to display them all. they'd get tangled in the back and forth between my place and his. i wore wigs on our vacations, to his parties, to his dinners. mere weeks prior i cut my hair off, trying to be a women he could never desire and so quickly i was back lamenting the fact that i couldn't be all of them. back to being sure i was the problem and trying to fix myself. i didn't know who i was, or who i had just been, or who i would have to be the next day. what i did know was that i was determined, to make it good. yes i cried to everyone who would listen, but ~love is pain~. yes the pain was unfathomable, but i had been trained my whole life to endure it.

#fashion photography #fashion #photography #photo set #photoshoot #los angeles

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ask-2p-hetaliaaa · 4 years ago

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What would the 2ps do as youtubers?

2ps as youtubers:

Allen: Would be one of those fake ghost hunters that makes it onto Nuke's Top 5s.

"GUYS, GUYS, OHHH MYYY GODDD GUYYSSS,..... I THINK THAT WAS THE GHOOOSSTTT?? *pans to matt in a white sheet*"

Matt: Would upload funny out-of-context 5 second clips of his friends every 7 months. Gained popularity as a "top ironic humor figure"

Francois: His whole gimmick is staring into the camera for minutes on end without talking. People use him in reaction memes.

Oliver: Makes cooking videos, but in the style of Ted Nivision and twomad thanks to Allen's help with editing. Sometimes he swears in his videos, and when he does, his loyal following goes INSANE in the comments

Viktor: Makes audiobooks that peoples use as asmr to sleep. People who like Russian accents often flock to his videos as well

Xiao: Makes weed and vape reviews and 'hot boxes'; he collabs with matty smokes.

"WE'RE ABOUT TO HIT A FUCKIN OVER 9000 UHHHH DECIMIBITEABLES PUFF *coughing and gagging in mandarin*"

Luciano: Makes reviews of movies and games that have mafias and gangs. Is absolutely brutal in these critiques.

Flavio: Does makeup tutorials, fashion showcases, shopping vlogs, etc. Would basically be like the Lunch Club if it were full of drag queens

Lutz: Makes really obnoxious yet entertaining vlogs doing stupid shit around his country. Says offensive shit in a joking way that everyone is fine with. Has probably held illegal meetups in a mcdonalds

Kuro: "extreme japanese apoligizing" - makes videos along the lines of that, basically clowning on his own culture. occasionally makes anime reviews.

Gillen: Makes gaming videos out of his twitch streams. Sometimes Roland will just be walking in the background and go "Hi!!" and the chat will not shut up about him for next 2 minutes

Roland: He's like Sam O Nella Academy but Austrian- He'll mainly make parody videos of ww1 and ww2 because we all know the funny ww1 and 2 austria jokes. Since he can play guitar, he adds bits inspired by bill wurtz that are just jingles, ends up being used in memes

Andres: Uploads pirated, obscure Spanish music with blank descriptions and no other context

Egil: twomad videos, basically. everything he posts feels like adhd personified, at random points the video will go 200x speed and back to normal its chaotic

Loki: Is a prank channel, but actually funny because his pranks are "lets set shit on fire until the police get involved"

Denmark: His gimmick is making fun of Francois and trying to beat him in subscribers, but Francois doesn't even know he has a channel. People meme in a bad way like "look at this dumbass"

Bernard: Makes commentary videos like Memeulous and James Marriott, has an ongoing joke of making fun of the 1ps (in a friendly way). at random points a picture of Berwald will pop up with the vine boom sound effect

Thurston: Screams into his camera about things that make him mad, a bunch of teenage girls stan him because they think he's hot and relatable. He then made a video screaming about how much he hates his fanbase, which didn't help at all. It only attracted Bernard's fans who clowned on him

Hermes: Makes videos explaining the lore of Greek Mythology, in a girl-talk sort of way. He tried making true crime videos but kept putting his opinions in which nearly got him canceled.

Caligula: Too old to use youtube. Only has an account to like Luciano's videos.

Germania: Also too old to use youtube. But he does comment on the germanic countries videos with things like "LETS FUCKING GOOO"; has become the Justin Y. of 2p comment sections

Leonas and Franciszek: Have a couples channel that people HATE because they act so fake that it's dreadfully annoying. Has had videos made about them by Bernard, Lutz and Flavio

Anastasia: Makes videos about self-care for both men and women, similar to channels like Sexplanations. Also makes videos teaching young adults to cook simple meals, how to do unique hairstyles using wigs of different lengths and textures, how to have a clean house (making beds, doing laundry, organizing cabinets and fridges), etc. Has a large following of people who genuinely appreciate her work and motivation

Katya: Uploads vertical phone videos of her at casinos drinking champagne, playing darts, winning slot machines, etc

Egor: Similar to SomeOrdinaryGamers. Browses the deep web on his AmogOS system he made.

Raimonds: Viktor doesn't allow him to have a youtube channel

Paul: Takes videos of him rolling down hills and making fun of people at his school. Luckily doesn't gain much traction because people would definitely cyber bully him. Most of the adult 2ps have an agreement to not mention him in their videos lest their followers go after him

Wy: Takes behind the scenes videos of Oliver's videos; Her following is basically just Oliver's following who think she's his daughter (she's not) (This rumor caused a huge scandal within the Ollie simping twitter community)

Romeo: Doesn't have youtube, has TikTok and makes shitty e-boy thirst traps and POVs. Bernard wears his merch as satire in his videos.

#2ptalia #2p hetalia #ask 2p hetalia #asks #all of them #textposts #headcanons

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incorrectsnkships · 4 years ago

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OKAY OKAY OKAY! I CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION LAST FUCKING NIGHT! CONNIE THE MOTHERFUCKING SPRINGER IS GAY!

So at first I just thought he was a really confident and comfortable heterosexual, y'know? BUT NOW! NOW!? oh no, no, no!

Reason numbrero uno! He has feminine hips. Straight boys don't strut like that, straight boys don't fucking be flexible like that.

Reason numbrero duex! He says bitch waaay to much. So if you don't know the history of the word bitch, bitch was also used a a gay slur for y'know twinks. You don't see Jean or Levi OR EVEN EREN going around going bitch, bitch, bitch, fucking crazy bitches. Sure maybe once in awhile, but Connie use it like a sister y'know?

Reason numbrero drei! Look at who the fucking hell he's hanging 'round with! Ymir; the fucking bitch lesbian. Christa/Historia; the lesbian or bi girl dude. He's the fucking second lesbian protector (next to Eren). You see that gay ass gay homie grab in like what season 3? Or was it 2? He's friends with Sasha, who does she hang out with most of the time!? Ymir and Historia! Sometimes Jean and Mikasa. Speaking of Jean, he ain't sleek either! Connie hanging 'round with a fucking bi-saster a bi disaster! Not to mention Reiner and Armin! We see him worry about Reiner and Bertholdt when they “missing” asking someone to check on them to see if there alive! Man looking out for his gay homies! Also in one of the games he asks Armin why he spends so much time with Eren, to which Armin shoots back with one of the most gay awakening responses, “Hm well what about Ymir and Historia, or Reiner and Bertholdt?” Like yo.

Reason numbrero shi! He mom picks out gay ass fucking names! Sunny, Martin, Connie. Fucking gay dude. (everyone seems to think Sunny is a girl but judging by there titans I actually think Sunny was a boy dude. That’s just a hunch tho~)

Reason numbrero five! He seems like the kinda guy who would wear jewelry. Not really necessarily gay BUt~ I think earrings would so be he thing, and if he we’re to come out he’d probably start wearing one earring!

Reason numbrero six! Look at the kind of shit this man does! He fucking carried Armin princess style, put him down like a prince, bruh he fucking CHOSE to he CHOSE to. He knew what he was doing. And that one official art where he’s wearing that blonde lopsided wig with makeup on. That dress with the fake boobs in it!

Reason numbrero 7! My mama always say, that if a boy is best friends with a girl he will almost always usually fall for her. Connie is close as HELL with Sasha. And while I LOVE springles. This know discovery is D A W N I N G on me! Connie don’t really seem to show that much interest in women. But not necessarily to men either. And that factor being. I think bby Connie is shy!

Overall I think he’s a great fucking character! I love Connie, but this just made me open a whole new chapter for him. I’m currently rewatching AOT with my mom ‘cause she done wanted to watch it and I couldn’t let her watch that cringey dub so yee. I’ll be paying attention for other Easter eggs and clues. I never researched Connie to much but now that I have I’m made some pretty interesting discoveries! In conclusion Connie Springer is probably fucking gay. SO in other words you were RIGHT! ATTACK ON TITAN IS FUCKING GAY! 😍

( j u s t l i k e m e l o l )

srry for the late reply, but you’ve actually convinced me

mans comes across heterosexual but he definitely had a crush on every single male member of the 104th. literally every one. and like many others, one of the older scouts was his gay awakening. and im not saying that connie had a crush on them or anything, and this is definitely not a ship post between connie and any adult in the show, but im just saying that he admired them. a lot. too much. and had to look away when they got changed in front of him.

“connie why do you offer to go kill titans with captain levi whenever we have a mission?”

“i admire his skills!”

“connie, you do realise that erwin doesn’t have time to have tea with you right?”

“no i know i just wanted to talk about stuff with him. professional stuff. as a soldier.”

“connie, you know that moblit doesn’t need an assistant right? he is the assistant”

“WELL SUE ME FOR WANTING TO BE HELPFUL JEAN-“

he’d simp for armin so hard. every week he has a crush on someone new, and then it goes in a loop. and he’d “practice” kissing too. like he’d occasionally bring the topic up in conversation and then go from there based off of the persons reply. “hey uh, jean, so like- have you had your first kiss yet?” and then jean would tell him no and connie would go full internal gay panic. “o- oh yeah, thas- thas cool, um, well, i havent- had mine either so like- would you wanna practice? it doesn’t count-“

connie would have his first everything with jean and it would be so funny because it just happens all at once. like hed get asked if hes ever kissed someone and hed just glare at jean and be so flustered

connie finds it so difficult to tell romantic and platonic feelings apart and thats why hes fallen for all of his friends

armin: oh, connie, thanks for doing that favour for me! i dont know what id do without you!

eren: wait! hurry, where do they keep the extra blades?!

connie: in the cellar!

eren: great- connie, i love you!

marco: see connie? if you just fold the paper a little more, youll get there :) youre a pleasure to teach and i love spending time with you :)

also why do i feel like connie and marco dated for a little while? not even dated then, had a thing going on for a bit. like besides from jean because he doesnt count, but connies first romantic encounter was with marco, fight me

and i definitely feel like connie went to hange for some advice about his sexuality. he was so confused and liking everyone at the same time, so who else better to go to than the person who tried to convince erwin to start an lgbtq+ youth club right?

but when eren and armin announced that they were officially dating, that was an eye opener for connie and it made him realise that its okay to be yourself

and it took him a while to actually realise that he was gay. hence the fact that hed physically gag whenever someone suggested for him to date sasha, and all those times in the boys changing room that hed have to turn around or leave completely

so yes, i can see where youre coming from, and i agree with you. but if we were to list the people connie has simped for from most-least?

marco

armin

jean

eren

levi (not really simping, more fanboying/celebrity crush)

reiner

moblit (same as levi)

bertholdt

#incorrectsnkships #aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #connie springer #connie springer x jean kirstein #jean x connie #armin arlert #eren yeager #marco bott #levi ackerman #moblit berner #connie is a gay man #my friend says so

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imamotherfuckingstar-lord · 4 years ago

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Zombie Girl

Steve Rogers x Reader, Halloween AU

Warning: cursing

A/N: This is an art swap for @gaphra

Summary: Steve goes to a Halloween party & meets a zombie girl.

The streets were lined with trick or treaters; kids with their parents, teenagers with friends and young adults half-assed dressed up in costumes, no doubt on their way to a party. He felt a little judgmental considering he was in fact doing the same- including the half-assed costume. His friends Natasha and Bucky were throwing a Halloween party at their new place and insisted that he come dressed up. Not one to really dress up, he usually spent Halloween on the couch watching episodes of the Twilight zone. He went to all the specialty stores around the city. With no luck, he searched in his closet and came up with the perfect costume - Mr. Rogers. It was easy, some nice pair of khakis and an oversized comfy green sweater. Admittedly, he looked like a father of two but at least he had a costume on.

When he got to the correct street, it didn’t take long to find out which house belonged to his pals; music was blaring from an open window and the front door was slightly ajar. Walking up the stoop, he let himself in and noticed right away how crowded the place was. He didn’t even realize Bucky and Nat knew this many people but he saw a few familiar places from the office. Immediately, Steve ventured over to say hello, greeting a few friends before finally running into Bucky. His best friend was dressed like Westley from Princess Bride, all smiles as he hugged Steve, asking him where his costume was.

“I’m wearing it, I’m Mr. Rogers,” he explained much to his friend’s dismay.

“At least you tried.”

Steve laughed at Bucky’s blatant disapproval and asked if he could get a beer. The two men made their way to the back of the kitchen, Steve immediately noticed the blond at the kitchen island refilling a bowl of chips. It seemed the his friends had opted for a couple’s costume because Natasha was dressed as Buttercup - long wing and all. She smiled at first but once she was able to get a good look at Steve, her face fell.

“It’s a costume party, Steven.”

“He’s Mr. Rogers,” Bucky rolled his eyes and made his way to his girlfriend, kissing her on the head before taking over chip duty. “Where’s Y/N? I wanna introduce Steve to her.”

Steve inhaled deeply and tried to manage a smile - yet another woman Bucky wanted him to meet, he knew it was coming from a place of love but he was getting tired of it. None of the women he met so far clicked with him; they were all lovely but there wasn’t a spark. Call him old fashioned but there was something about having a connection that attracted him the most.

“Last time I saw her, she was scaring children in the back alley with Clint,” she grinned, pointing to a bowl of candy near the chips. “I think they need a refill, been out there most of the night.”

This made Steve laugh, feeling a little intrigued he followed Bucky through the house out to the backyard. The backyard had a back fence that led to the alley, where a handful of trick or treaters were passing by. Steve walked with the bowl of candy next to Bucky, the fence was open and Clint leaned up against it.

“Barton, yo guys done scaring kids?”

Clint, who Steve knew through Nat, looked up and grinned. “I’m not doing any of the scaring.”

Steve and Clint, who was dressed up as Han Solo, greeted each other with pats on the shoulder. “Nat said you might need more candy.”

“Oh, good. I’ve been giving too much away,” Clint admitted, nodding over to his left. Steve peeked out passed the gate and saw a shadowy figure hunched behind Bucky’s car in the back driveway. “She’s really enjoying the whole scaring bit, I’m surprised you haven’t heard the screams from the house.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, trying to get a look at the figure but a group of trick or treaters came marching down the alley and Clint straightened up and laughed. “Watch this shit.”

Bucky leaned forward to get a look as the group came closer to the car, the three men attempted to look nonchalant as the group approached the house. All three of them waited in anticipation, closer and closer the group got and when they were right in front of the car, the figure stepped out and shouted. The kids screamed and raced forward as their parents laughed, shouting for them to slow down. Steve immediately stepped forward and beckoned them over to get candy; the children were breathless but most were laughing as they thanked him for the treat.

He wished them a goodnight, nodding to their parents as the notorious tricker showed their face. You rushed over to the three men, Steve could see why the kids were scared. You were dressed in a pink pj set with a dirty robe and white bunny slippers; you were carrying a stuffed bear, a blond wig on top of your head and the most detailed and terrifying zombie makeup around your mouth. Under the moonlight, it looked like your skin was ripped from your mouth area and the smile on your face made it more unsettling.

“I think I need a beer,” you declared, plucking a candy from the bowl Steve was holding.

“So you’re done terrorizing the children for the night?”

You glanced over at Bucky as you popped the bite size candy in your mouth and shrugged. “For now, my vocal chords need a break.”

“For what it’s worth, you do look pretty scary,” Steve insisted. Turning your attention to him, you eyed his costume and frowned a little. Sensing your confusion, he scratched the back of his head and explained who he was. “Well, I guess I’d be the other Mr., Rogers.”

Your brows furrowed and Bucky laughed. “Sorry, Steve this is Y/N, Y/N’s known Nat since childhood.”

Steve held out his hand and you took it, giving it a rough shake. “Steve Rogers? I guess I can understand the costume now.”

He smiled. “And you’re a zombie.”

“I’m the zombie child from Walking Dead, first episode.”

“That's oddly specific,” he teased and you grinned, watching as Bucky whistled for Clint to follow him back to the house. Steve glanced as the pair started to walk away but turned back to you.

“Well, it would make sense if I had someone dressed as Rick Grimes with me but we can’t always get what we want,” you shrugged, snatching another candy from the bowl. “It’s still better than coming to a Halloween party dressed like the nicest guy to ever exist. No offense, of course.”

Steve blushed, eyes trying their best to not look away. It was odd because even underneath the zombie make up and bloodied clothes, he could see your smile and the relaxation in your eyes. He held out the bowl and offered you more candy, but when you reached for it, he quickly snatched it away. “You know what you have to say.”

Your eyes narrowed but your mouth turned up a wide smile, rolling your eyes in false annoyance you shouted, “Trick or treat!”

Voice booming loud, Steve couldn’t help but laugh and offer up the entire bowl. “I think you deserve it.”

Grabbing it, you started to walk off towards the house, grinning to yourself when you heard Steve shuffling behind to catch up. He quickly caught up to you and asked if you wanted a beer. “I hardly know anyone in there…”

“You know me now.”

Walking up the steps back to the house, Steve opened the door for you but you stopped and gave him a once over. His blue eyes stared back, anticipating what you were going to say next; feeling his heart beating a little faster than usual. Huh, he thought to himself as you smiled at him, I never thought I’d have chemistry with a zombie girl.

“You know, you’d make a great Rick Grimes,” you said as you walked past him back into the house. “Just saying…”

Unable to control the muscles on his face, Steve looked down to the floor and smiled before looking back up to where you stood, waiting for him. He had to admit, you looked terrifyingly cute in your costume and while he was curious to see how you looked without the makeup, the connection he felt with you was enough. Even if it was merely a ten minute interaction, he felt a spark - something he hadn’t felt with another person in a long time, and he was not going to miss out. “You think so?”

Nodding, you asked him about the beer. “We can drink in the corner and judge everyone’s costume, someone has to have a lamer costume than you.”

Laughing, Steve gave you a smile that had your zombie heart beating again. “Sounds great.”

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #steve x reader #marvel au #captain america #marvel #ivonnes imagine

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junkyard-gifs · 4 years ago

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Just a bunch of half-naked swing cats hanging out in the vocal booth, nothing to see here...

Generally speaking in UK tours, the swing costumes are a more generic version of the kinds of roles a person covers. Babygriz and chorus Deut are used as swing costumes, and the other swings are usually just mix-and-matching wigs and unitards from different characters, with less distinctive makeup. (Victor, Electra, and/or George are sometimes swings too, with their own unique designs.)

In this photo they’ve conveniently arranged themselves from ‘kitten/dance-heavy/acrobatic’ in the middle, moving outward through ‘adult/principal’ roles, to ‘older/most vocal’ at the back.

This is from the 2008 UK tour, hence the rare appearance of Daymon Montaigne-Jones (the Most Naked one) as a swing instead of Tumblebrutus/Bill Bailey, which was a role he played for most of his Cats career. He’s wearing a Bill Bailey unitard and a Carbuckety wig, and his makeup doesn’t have the eye patch of either boy.

Similarly, Pepe Munoz behind him is wearing a costume that’s a blend of Alonzo, Munkustrap/Victor, and Admetus: Alonzo wig, Admetus unitard, symmetrical unremarkable makeup on a grey base instead of Alonzo’s stark black and white. (And, for some reason, an arm warmer. While topless. Pepe why.) He covered Admetus, Alonzo, and Tugger.

Behind him is, presumably, Barry Haywood, who covered Deut and Gus/Bustopher: he’s wearing Deuteronomy’s chorus outfit.

Emily Anderson is the woman in the front beside Daymon, wearing a Tantomile unitard and Jemima wig and makeup.

The two women must be Louise Perez (the other Jemima costume, covering principals like Deme, Bomba, and Teazer) and Laura Darkins (Babygriz costume, covering Jenny, Jelly, and Griz).

#2008 uk tour #backstage #c: swings #pepe munoz #laura darkins #louise perez #emily anderson #barry haywood #daymon montaigne-jones #bare skin

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radsplain · 2 years ago

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All you radfems constantly shitting on trans people like you have nothing better to do in your life. Like. Have you ever even taken a minute to try to realize what it feels like to feel like your own body is wrong and awful and disgusting and you can’t stand another minute trapped in it? To starve yourself until you’re underweight just because that way you look less curvy and your breasts are smaller and you’re less feminine? To feel like you want to take a knife and cut off the parts of your body that you can’t stand to look at? Using drugs to cope with dysphoria and make your brain finally shut up? Feeling so completely isolated because no one in your life understand what it’s like to feel this way? Not being sure about any of the decisions because despite any surgery and hormone therapy in the world, you will still never be a *real* person of the other sex? As if the waiting lists aren’t months to years long anyway. You all talk like you can bring a child to a clinic and they’ll get hormones the next day. When in reality even for adults the process consists of visiting multiple mental health professionals, multiple doctors, it can all take years before you even get to start taking them? And also how it feels like having to hide your feelings from everybody because even your own family would be disgusted by you? You all act like trans people are just straight white males whose entire transition process consists of makeup and dresses and wigs and out of a desire to harass women. And yeah, those people exist. But not everyone is like that. The majority, who actually has a life outside of Twitter, isn’t like that. Not everyone is quite literally willingly letting their bodies be mutilated just to achieve what, flashing your genitals to a kid in a public bathroom? Real life is not like that at all. You’re so uneducated and naive on this topic yet talk like you’ know everything. Trans women are evil predators and trans men are poor victims of the manipulation and propaganda. Literally just read one actual trans person’s description of their life. And honestly fuck those tiktok kids inventing new genders because they want attention because you know that’s not what I’m talking about so don’t even try to use it as a talking point. There’s a fucking difference between dying your hair blue and wearing horrible “alt” clothes and going by she/they just because all your friends are doing so, and someone who has spent their entire life wishing they were born as a different sex and already showing it as a child but no one bothered to ever pay attention because kids are just quirky and weird like that. And never paying any attention to it in the rest of childhood and adolescence either, because why deal with a problem when you can easily ignore it? And yet I’ll most likely still never get to actually go through the medical or social process of transition due to societal pressure and the shitty place I live in. And I’m just one of the people with this experience that you keep mocking either due to your willful ignorance or complete lack of empathy, and I honestly don’t know which one is worse.

I mean this in the most genuine possible way, but please seek out therapy. It probably felt good to get all that out, but spilling out all of your anxieties onto random people is not going to help you with everything you listed here. This entire message literally proves my point about the gender cult and why people, especially TIFs, decide to transition. You're not "trans" (no one is, but that's a whole other post). Y'all literally just need therapy. REAL therapy, not that "gender-affirming" bs. So much of this message, especially the parts about feeling wrong and disgusting in your body and wanting to starve yourself until you're underweight to look "less feminine" is such a red flag. I'm not a doctor or psychologist, but babe you're not struggling with "gender dysphoria." You have massive body image and mental health issues that haven't been addressed and are being wrapped up in this ideology of being "trans."

I'm not going to respond to every single point you made here, but this massive tangent feels like it was more for you to let out your frustrations than for me. And that's fine, but just know nothing you said here has swayed my opinion. If anything, it's strengthened it. I do have empathy for what you're going through and I truly do wish you healing and happiness, but venting to random strangers on the internet like this really isn't going to help you.

#anon

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eloisevisualculture · 4 years ago

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the hypersexualisation of young girls in the media

The abuse and use of children for an adult’s personal gain is an issue that has always existed, regardless of the existence of the internet and the media. But the propagation of this platform (social media, entertainment or fashion magazines) has lead to a whole new sets of problems like the hyper-sexualisation of children, particularly young girls. The dictionary Larousse defines “hyper-sexualisation as “in society, the fact of giving an increasingly important place to sexuality, by multiplying references to it in the public space (media, advertising)”. In some cases this has been so normalised that criticism of these portrayals can be described as purist and excessive. What is the consequence of hyper-sexualisation of children in social media? The purpose of this essay will be to discuss the way the different ways children are sexualised in media and advertising and the effects it can have on their lives. It is not uncommon to hear the phrase “they grow up to fast nowadays” when referring to the youngest generations, as a result of their exposure to the media. Of course if the only thing young girls had to fear from acting like ‘grownups” was wearing makeup earlier in life, then there would be less cause for concern. Unfortunately, the dangers always revolves back to struggle of the ill- intentioned praying on the weak and easily influenced, and the continued danger of a patriarchal mentality passed down through generations. In the highly publicised fashion industry for instance, that holds a great influence on our society, there have been many instances of very young girls chosen as models, and put into adult life contexts. A notorious example is the 2011 edition of Vogue Paris, who published photographs of Thylane Lourby-blondeau, a 10 year old model who was pictures, in revealing clothes, makeup and jewellery, lying on a bed and looking at the camera with a sultry air.

It sparked a controversy and brought up the issue of the hyper-sexualisation children. Many people and parents stated that it was inappropriate and dangerous to picture a young child in an undeniably sensual light, and that directing a shoot to appeal to post-pubescent men, while the child was too young to understand the implications. Thylane Loubry-Blondeau, on the cover of Vogue Paris, 2011, January edition Others defended it simply as ‘art’, the portrayal of a girl playing dress up, which ultimately does little to justify morals. Art was also the excuse Irina UNESCO gave after photographing and publishing albums of her daughter in sexual, pornographic scene, also nude, from the age of 4 to 11. In an interview with the purple magazine, Ionesco reflects on how her mother used her for years for her own personal gain and career, her works being widely known because they were so scandalous; “She would put make-up on me when I was a child. I slept very little, didn’t go to school. She took erotic photographs of me and made me act in erotic films, of which I was the subject. It wasn’t just about the photos — her entire approach was abusive. Sometimes she would send me to other photographers. She’d say: “You’re going to see such and such a photographer. It’s not great, but you’re going anyway.” It was becoming very dangerous.”(Ionesco). One of the disturbing things about the work Irina published about her daughter is that it is still available to purchase today, and even praised for it’s artistic value.

Eva Ionesco in her adult years has described in detail the “loss of childhood” and the life long effects she had to deal with from being sexualised and abused from such a young age “You were thrown into a world of adults, of nightlife, sex, and art very young — from the age of 12 or 13. And in one of the most liberal periods we’ve seen so far in terms of morals.” She went on to write a film inspired by her childhood and relationship with her mother. As with everything, it is important to avoid blind censure, and condemn anything without a deeper understanding. It is very easy to doggedly pursue a cause and become set in our opinions, and not allow freedom of expression to well meaning individuals, if their children are understanding and willing participants. The artist Sally Man was criticised for publishing nude pictures of her children. They were done as a celebration and a chronicle of her children’s evolution, childhood and slow progression to adulthood, and were done with the children’s understanding and consent, as was made clear in an article in the New York Times “The collaboration of the children in their mother’s work is apparent to anyone who spends time in their company. They are impish, argumentative participants, not robots. (When a photographer asked them what kind of portrait of their mother should accompany this article, they shouted, “Shoot her naked, shoot her naked.” She did.)”(2015).

Sally Mann put the safety and wellbeing of her children above personal gain, choosing to publish her photo album ‘Immediate Family”, when the children would fully be aware of their choice. “I thought the book could wait 10 years, when the kids won’t be living in the same bodies. They’ll have matured and they’ll understand the implications of the pictures. I unilaterally decided.” (2015). One of the effects of the explosion of social media, and their ease of access, is that young children know have the ability to not only watch content that might not be suitable for age but to create content themselves. On Tiktok for instance, there is a lot of content based on visual, and sensual appeal, like women doing suggestive dances in revealing clothing. Women who are old enough have the experience and sense to be fully aware, and take distance themselves from the comments, they are doing it for their own enjoyment. Young girls watch these videos and see the adulation and attention these influencers get, and want to try it out for themselves. Dr Elaine Kasket explains this system on TikTok is artificially amplifying a natural phenomenon. Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up.

"Teenagers are naturally interested in taking risks and they’re naturally interested in finding out about sex and The sexualisation of young girls is an issue which can be confused, but is also linked to their natural desire to imitate their mother, or older siblings. Every single child has tried at some point to act like their parents. But with the rise and ease of access of social media (instagram, TikTok), children have access to whole new world, and many try to imitate what they see on these platforms. discovering themselves as sexual beings and exploring that. "They are open to flattery, they are open to seduction, they are open to the verification they get from the hearts they get and the likes they get”. (2020, The Sun)Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up. Through their imitation of sexualised adult women on the media, young girls inherit patriarchal and misogynistic ideals that superficial beauty determines their worth.The child beauty pageants are intensely popular in America, and raise a lot of money for charity. They parade toddler and young children in false nails, high heels, heavy makeup and heavy wigs, and are trained like performing animals to smile, pose and wave at the camera.

Naturally, many people argue that the simple fact of wearing makeup does not affect the girls in the slightest, and while that is true on the surface levels, there is much more than meets the eye. By dressing them up in all these gowns, and covering them in makeup and accessories to make them look “prettier”, the young girls are being taught that their natural appearance is not enough, and moreover that they need all these additional to get praise and win in life.

These little girls might enjoy looking “ like a princess”, but they are also adopting restrictive and superficial beauty ideals, and learning the all importance of appearance. Naturally, it is important to avoid completely vilifying pageants, they are not always the traumatic experience described by anti pageants or even shown behind the scenes pageants show. In her article for The Cut Goode collects the testimonies of other pageant stars and they are a mixed bag. Some describe that they have fond memories of competing, as ' bonding experience with their mother. An other used the platform to raise awareness about suicide, after her mother took her own life when she was 10 years old.But most often pageant are for the parents gain, and while women and mothers are often the ones organising them, they are, unknowingly or not transmitting the pressures of performative femininity to their daughters. Perpetuating a patriarchal and misogynist mindset in which Women must prioritise their appearance above all else, as the only thing giving them value.

And this cult of appearance and the emphasis on changing your appearance too fit the standards is the reason why eating disorders are so common in young girls and women. It could be argued that this is not the same as sexualisation of young girls, but beauty ideals and sexualisation are often intrinsically linked, especially if children are trying to abide to rules set by adults. While this essay has been essentially focussed on young girls, because they are the most targeted and at risk, the sexualisation and perpetuation of beauty ideals gives a toxic example to a future generation of men. Young boys are taught from a young age that pretty girls must look a certain way.

Conclusion:The sexualisation of children is a topic that is heavily discussed, by those against it and those who deny it’s existence or effects. The fact remains that sexualisation along ever occurs for an adult’s personal gain, or benefit.Little girls want to be pretty and attractive, but it is rarely for themselves.Admiring and wanting to be an adult is the most natural thing in the world, it is just tragic that they incorporate toxic ideals of femininity and beauty at the same time.

Bibliography

COTTAIS, C. LOUVET, M. (2021). The dangers of the hypersexualisation of young girls: a stolen childhood. growthinktank.org. [online] Jan. 2021. at https://www.growthinktank.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/The-dangers-of-the-hypersexualisation-of-young-girls_-a-stolen-childhood.pdf(Accessed 8 apr 2021)

Woodward, R. B. (2015) ‘The disturbing photography of Sally Mann’. The New York Times. At:https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/magazine/the-disturbing-photography-of-sally-mann.html(Accessed 5 apr 2021)

Cuties (2020) Directed by M. Doucouré. Available at: Netflix (accessed 20 April 2018)

Ionesco, E.(unknown date) ‘Eva ionesco’. Interview with Eva Ionesco. Interviewed by O. Sham for The Purple Magazine, Paris issue num 32At: https://purple.fr/magazine/paris-issue-31/eva-ionesco/ (Accessed 9 Apr 2021)

Good, L. (2012) ‘I was a child pageant star: Six Adult Women Look Back’. The Cut. (November). At: https://www.thecut.com/2012/11/child-pageant-star.html (accessed 18 April 2021)

Hall. D. ‘How ‘supercharged catnip” Tiktok is fuelling the sexualisation of young girls an exploitation of teens.’ The Sun online. At: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10941512/tiktok-catnip-sexualisation-teens/ (Accessed 18 April 2021).

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carrotcakesweetie · 4 years ago

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Please, Sit and Stay for a Awhile...

We have all been a victim of it, but yet we all swear we haven't. We wake up everyday thinking we need some kind of morning routine to be more proactive, we watch makeup tutorials and product reviews, we read over endless forums on skincare and hair care and what are the best products and what celebrity uses them. We go shopping for the latest trends and the serotonin from that new outfit you've gotten lasts only about a day or two. We see pictures of girls in wigs, and we bring them to our hairdressers with unrealistic expectations. We sit in the long drive-thru lines to pay for an expensive cup of coffee, that we could have made in the comfort of our homes.

* I find myself on the floor of the shower one day, unable to bring myself to stand and allowing the hot water to fully submerge my face. A few moments pass, and finally, I take a gasp of air. My mind riddled with these thoughts, almost constantly. I am a prisoner in my own mind. I have been a prisoner here since I was merely 11 years old. The very first year I knew what it felt like to compare myself to other women. It gets a little stale in this prison I must admit, there are so many women here that it's hard to make my way around. Sometimes I bump into women that change their outfit 7 times a day, and I don't think I've ever seen that one red-headed girl without false eyelashes on a day since she's been here, oh yeah! there is that new girl with beautiful brown eyes that I see pretty often but she doesn't eat much of anything. It's kind of impossible trying to make conversation here, sometimes I can't tell if someone is being friendly, or if they are holding a sharp dagger behind their back. Anyways... as I've stated I have been here for many and many years. The strange thing about this prison is that no matter how much time has gone past it's still the same. Different styles and colors every now and then...but the people remain the same. *

- As I stand wobbly like in the bathroom, I hunch forward over my bathroom vanity and give myself a deep look in the mirror and I ask myself why I am allowing myself to remain imprisoned in these thoughts-

*So Pause*

In order to take control of my life again, I needed to state some ground rules

As someone who has always been guilty of maybe bending the rules just a smidge, I knew this would be quiet the challenge. However, it's frankly now or never and no in-between. I have already wasted so much delicate time and for that, it is already difficult to forgive myself. Yet I must set sail.

Rule #1

Stop Being So Judgemental: Now whether we consider ourselves to be good people or not, we are all guilty of being judgemental in some way or some form. Being judgemental to me looks like this:

Having a preconceived notion about someone or something that you don't understand or don't know right to be true. However your opinion is upmost absolutely certain, and nothing can change your mind. (Point Blank. The END. PERIOD)

Getting past this is not only crucial for your own mental well being, but it also helps you to forge better relationships with people. You are on your way to becoming a much more compassionate human being. My relationship will be thankful for it. My future relationships will be grateful.

Rule #2

Not Overreacting or Taking Things Personally: This was/is a HUGE DEAL for me. I am guilty of being a tad bit overdramatic you could say, and I had a difficult time not letting things get to me.

Not taking things as personally has helped me to understand that everyone's situation is different and that just because I might think someone has shown me disrespectful behavior, that shouldn't warrant any emotional response. Let's face it, emotional reactions are not that pleasant. It makes things uncomfortable and sometimes awkward. Overreacting at the moment can lead to regret in the future. Though I may be freaking out on the inside, I have found it much more functional to remain calm and unbothered. Though sometimes, this can lead me to seem a little dissociative, I have found it to bring a lot more zen into my life.

Rule #3

NO MORE BEAUTY GUROS: This rule is very special and unique to me. This was the most difficult thing for me to swallow. I have made it a personal goal this year, to completely feel comfortable without makeup and in my own skin. Makeup has been nothing but a crutch for me since I was a teenager. My relationship with it is very toxic. This is not unique to me, but like many women, I have never considered myself to be beautiful without it. Whenevenever I started my minimalist journey, the hardest thing for me to part with, was my makeup. Now I am glad to say I am down to one small makeup bag and I'm looking to keep knocking it down.

Remember this: I am not talking down about the artistry of makeup. I understand many women use it as an art form. I have just been riddled with acne for almost all of my teen and adult life and turned to cosmetics for confidence.

I feel like letting this go will be my biggest challenge to overcome in life (which is rather sad to admit), but even downsizing and progressing to a more natural look, has honestly done wonders for me. I save SO SO much money, by not frequenting cosmetic stores and I feel SO much better about myself when I'm not burying myself in makeup and skincare tutorials before bed every night, searching for answers I'd never find. It's scary how much I was consumed with always wanting to look a certain way. The truth is, no amount of makeup would ever make me feel complete.

& ALSO MY HAIR- After graduating beauty school, I thought for sure that I'd like to "FIXUP" my hair all of the time. I used to be very insecure about my hair texture and I often wore it short for that reason.

Now You'd be lucky to see my hair brushed, and Honestly, I love it.

A little chaos never hurt anybody, but only a little ;)

Rule #4

GOODBYE FAST FASHION, HELLOW SLOW FASHION: Good quality items Ladies!

Whenever I shop, I like to make sure I know exactly what I'm looking for. I want to make sure my clothes last, they fit well, and they are good for my skin and the environment! I used to ALWAYS look for a bargain deal. The truth is, you're spending less money now to have to replace it with more money in the near future. I like to make sure whatever it is that I buy will be timeless. This means it will never not be in style and I will always have clothes to wear for many, many years to come.

The truth is, that your clothes, your body, and your hair are the least most interesting things about you. Unless fashion is YOUR LIFE don't let it have yours.

Rule #5

QUALITY LIFE AND QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS: We all know the famous quote "life is short"

We are always making inspiration boards, Saying "I WISH" way too often, and sometimes even "MAYBE ANOTHER TIME".

Will there be another time? One of the most common things people tend to say on their deathbeds is that they wish they would have spent more time with someone they loved. I don't want to be that person.

I think that sometimes we are so focused on the number of people in our lives, versus the quality of the relationships you already have. How many people in your phone can you call and talk to and trust them to have your best interest in mind? Ok, now how many people do you have stored in your phone?

YES, I DECLUTTER MY LIFE IN PEOPLE TOO.

Not everyone is going to add value to your life, and not everyone has your best interest in mind. Whenever you have fewer things bothering you and surrounding you...you start wanting more out of life and turn to the people you are closest to.

These are some of the biggest rules that have helped me with my growth and truthfully finding myself as a woman. I feel like having a simpler approach to life, is the very key to happiness. We as humans like to over complicate things, but who needs the added pressure. If you always imagined yourself frolicking in a field of daisies on a stormy day, and coming home to a candlelit home in the middle of nowhere. Wearing long and comfortable dresses, and making homemade bread all day. Then you do it! (Maybe that's just me, but I embrace my childlike dreams) Only you are in control of the world you live in. Don't feel pressured to live everyone else's. <3

To whomever is reading this, I hope you at least can take this on with you. Learn to love the way you look (and I mean really look), learn to love both the child and the woman within you, learn to love other women and encourage them to find their true selves, and learn to not pass judgment and hopefully you will inspire someone else to do the same...we are all in search of a quality life.

Let us escape this prison together,

Carrot Cake Sweetie

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zintranslations · 4 years ago

Text

Kaleidoscope of Death, Ch. 54

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu Link to Chinese / Link to ongoing Taida Translations

Chapter 54: The Sixth Door

A few months later, Lin Qiushi was to face his own sixth door.

He thought that like last time, Ruan Nanzhu would have him pass it with Cheng Qianli, who was on door six himself. However, Ruan Nanzhu intentionally separated them this time.

Though he didn’t know why, Lin Qiushi didn’t ask further, trusting that Ruan Nanzhu had his own logic.

With about ten days left, Cheng Qianli received his own clue. Typically, everybody helped to research the clue, but this time was an exception. Cheng Qianli’s clue was kept secret from everybody in the mansion, known only to himself and his brother.

Cheng Qianli became rather cheery after he got his clue. When Lin Qiushi asked what he was so giddy about, Cheng Qianli replied, “hehehe, my brother told me not to tell.”

Lin Qiushi, “...” Even though Cheng Qianli was foolish sometimes, he still listened to his brother about important matters.

Once Cheng Qianli was done giggling, he said to Lin Qiushi, “After I come out, I’ll tell you in private. Have you gotten your clue?”

Lin Qiushi shook his head, “not yet.” Ruan Nanzhu had yet to give him anything, and seemed to be contemplating something.

Cheng Qianli, “you got Ruan-ge with you, so don’t worry, nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Mh.” Lin Qiushi nodded. “Good luck to us both then.”

“Good luck.” Cheng Qianli just kept grinning in shameless glee.

A few more days passed before Lin Qiushi finally got the clue to his own door. This time the clue was simple: the slender shadow.

“What’s this?” Lin Qiushi asked upon first receiving the clue, confused, “some kind of legend?”

“It’s a foreign urban legend,” Ruan Nanzhu replied. “People also call it Slenderman, have you heard of it?”

Lin Qiushi thought a bit before nodding, “vaguely.” He thought he’d seen a movie of the sort.

Ruan Nanzhu tossed him a file.

“Take a look first. There's not a lot, but it’s better than nothing.”

Lin Qiushi began looking through the file.

The file recorded in detail this slender ghostly shadow. It was a Western urban legend about a kind of humanoid monster with long thin limbs and no face. With spindly arms and legs, this monster looked somewhat like a human spider. It appeared in rural spaces or small towns and preyed primarily on children left on their own. Of course, it attacked adults as well. The children it targeted simply disappeared, but the adults would start manifesting odd symptoms, like nosebleeds, nightmares, and even seeing their own worst fears.

The file continued to describe Slenderman's distinct methods of killing, such as spearing people on tree branches and bleeding them to death. They also liked removing people's organs and putting them in plastic bags… Regardless, urban legends like these were terrifying enough in real life, for more faint-hearted people, not to mention inside the world of the doors.

Lin Qiushi quickly finished reading and thought that was all the prepwork needed. To his surprise, Ruan Nanzhu suddenly said they were going shopping for clothes.

Lin Qiushi, bewildered, “for clothes? What clothes?”

Ruan Nanzhu smiled, “clothes for you to wear inside.”

Under the pitying gazes of everybody else in the mansion, a still-befuddled Lin Qiushi left for the mall with Ruan Nanzhu. The first few items were still normal men's clothes, but then they came to the women’s section…

Ruan Nanzhu, who was obviously used to this, announced he was buying clothes for his girlfriend. His gaze, however, surveyed Lin Qiushi.

Lin Qiushi didn’t understand at first, and asked like a fool, “Nanzhu, you have a girlfriend?”

Ruan Nanzhu, "no."

Lin Qiushi, “then why are you buying women’s clothes?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “I’m not buying, you are.”

Lin Qiushi, “but I don’t have a girlfriend either…”

Ruan Nanzhu, walking up front with a few bags, turned.

“It’s for you to wear. What girlfriend.”

Lin Qiushi’s brain bluescreened for three whole seconds. When he finally comprehended what was going on, shock and fear entered his eyes.

“Me? Wear?"

Ruan Nanzhu, "yes, you."

Lin Qiushi, “But— Can I wear them when I look like this—”

Ruan Nanzhu’s expression went strange, “what do you think you look like?”

Lin Qiushi, “just a regular guy."

Sinking into silence, Ruan Nanzhu’s gaze on Lin Qiushi went stranger and stranger. Goosebumps rising from that gaze, Lin Qiushi forewent further questions and obediently followed him back to the mansion.

Three days later, Ruan Nanzhu plucked Lin Qiushi out of hiding from his room and made him change his clothes.

Lin Qiushi, who had been an office worker for some time, couldn’t be said to be particularly fit. He had an average male physique, with features that were nonaggressive and clean: double-lidded eyes that weren’t too big with a pretty smile. Ruan Nanzhu sat Lin Qiushi down and began taking out makeup tools.

Lin Qiushi’s eyes went wide with trepidation. “Nanzhu… Can we talk?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “talk about what?”

Lin Qiushi asked faintly, “can we not do this?”

Ruan Nanzhu was expressionless. “Didn’t you ask if I really liked crossdressing so much? Rather me explain, why don’t you just experience it yourself?” His eyes narrowed with a fake-looking smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you once we’re inside.”

Lin Qiushi nearly cried.

He knew none of the makeup items before him, and felt only Ruan Nanzhu rubbing and patting all these things on his face. So much time passed that he was nearly asleep when Ruan Nanzhu finally straightened and patted off his hands. "Done."

Lin Qiushi, "....."

Ruan Nanzhu handed a mirror to Lin Qiushi.

“Take a look, then pick a hairstyle you like.”

Lin Qiushi took the mirror, and was a bit dazed by what he saw: a woman’s face. “She” wasn’t astonishingly beautiful, but was certainly attractive enough to draw the eye. This face was gentle and the expression ill-treated, inspiring pity and sympathy.

Lin Qiushi couldn’t help himself, and declared, fuck.

“Dirty mouth on a lady,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “Do you like long or short hair?”

Lin Qiushi, “long…” He meant he liked long-haired girls, but Ruan Nanzhu just picked up a wig and began putting it on him.

Lin Qiushi, "....."

Once that was done, Ruan Nanzhu began finishing up the last details. He probably planned for Lin Qiushi to wear a dress at first, but upon seeing Lin Qiushi’s expression of utter terror—he looked on the verge of fainting—relented on this kind of shock for Lin Qiushi’s first time. The end outfit was fairly unisex.

Once it was forced onto him, Lin Qiushi only wanted to turn and run—he’d learned his lesson about running his mouth.

Everything was finally ready, and Ruan Nanzhu examined the person before him with a satisfied expression. Lin Qiushi wasn't the chiseled sort of handsome, but rather a mellow and personable sort, which meant makeup could easily smooth out the more discordant details. Paired with Lin Qiushi's gentle nature, it actually all came together quite finely.

"I have to wear this?" Faced with the big man himself, Lin Qiushi couldn't exactly express a temper. He could only attempt to pitifully plead, "Nanzhu, I know I was wrong. Can't we..."

Ruan Nanzhu lifted a brow.

"No."

Lin Qiushi, "....."

Lin Qiushi, "but I don't know how to speak in a fake voice." Ruan Nanzhu's voice inside the doors was slightly unisex, but definitely did not ping as boy.

Ruan Nanzhu, "so practice."

Lin Qiushi, "I only have ten days or so..."

Ruan Nanzhu's insincere smile: "Take your time, there's no rush. We have plenty more opportunities in the future. This time though, if you can't talk, you can always pretend to be mute."

Lin Qiushi, "....."

Ruan Nanzhu tapped his finger against the table. "A frail and fragile mute girl, isn't that an interesting character?"

Lin Qiushi, "....." Tan Zaozao, come get the man for your entertainment circle, and the next Oscar was sure to go to China.

After saying what he did, Ruan Nanzhu still provided Lin Qiushi a "generous" second option: if you don't want to play a mute girl, you can always play a man with a passion for crossdressing.

In the end, Lin Qiushi, not wanting to field odd looks, still opted to play mute.

Because of the outfit, Lin Qiushi had to bear the ridicule of others in the mansion.

"Hahahaha Lin Qiushi, so you've come to this too." Cheng Qianli was the most impertinent. "But you actually look good like this, much better than Chen Fei."

Lin Qiushi, "hah?"

Chen Fei glowered from the side. "Fuck if you're one to talk, Cheng Qianli. Looked in a mirror recently?"

Cheng Qianli, "hmph, I'd be drop dead gorgeous as a girl."

Ruan Nanzhu, "oh yeah?"

Cheng Qianli, upon hearing Ruan Nanzhu's voice, did a full-body shudder. "No no no, Ruan-ge, I'm only kidding."

Ruan Nanzhu peered once at him, then sat down at the table. "How are preparations with your brother then?"

Cheng Qianli, "good, actually." He took a bite. "This next world seems pretty easy."

Ruan Nanzhu only hummed in response, and didn't ask any follow-up questions. He seemed confident enough in Cheng Yixie—Lin Qiushi just didn't know what the argument he overheard on the rooftop the other day was about.

Considering his personality, no matter what, Cheng Yixie didn't seem the type to easily get into arguments with people.

But in the end, Lin Qiushi didn't figure any of this out, because the time to enter the door quickly arrived.

Ten odd days later on a random afternoon, Lin Qiushi had been snacking in the living room with Cheng Qianli, but after eating and eating, he turned around and suddenly found Cheng Qianli gone without a trace.

His first thought was to wonder if Cheng Qianli had gone to the bathroom. After a while without Cheng Qianli returning however, he realized Cheng Qianli had probably gone into the doors.

About half an hour later, Cheng Qianli suddenly reappeared on the sofa.

His face was awfully pale and he clutched at his chest, sucking in deep breaths. Seeing him like this, Lin Qiushi quickly asked, "are you alright? Qianli?"

Glancing once at Lin Qiushi in panic, Cheng Qianli bolted for the stairs without a word.

Seeing him so distressed, Lin Qiushi hastily followed.

Cheng Qianli went straight for Cheng Yixie's bedroom door, twisting the knob without bothering to knock.

The door opened to reveal Cheng Yixie, having just returned as well, sitting on the bed. He was still mostly expressionless, looking up at the agitated Cheng Qianli.

"What?"

"Ge—" Cheng Qianli threw himself onto Cheng Yixie, clutching on for dear life. "I thought you didn't make it, I thought you didn't make it—"

Cheng Yixie didn't reply, only patted at Cheng Qianli's back with a gentle hand to calm his brother.

Cheng Qianli seemed to have been well and truly terrified; his face was still colorless, and looked much worse off than Cheng Yixie.

The brothers stayed in the embrace for a little while, until emotions have settled. Slightly embarrassed, Cheng Qianli wriggled himself out of his brother's lap and scratched his nose. "I'm hungry. Gonna go eat something."

Cheng Yixie didn't stop him, and watched him go.

Once everything seemed fine, Lin Qiushi made to leave as well, but Cheng Yixie's voice suddenly came behind him: "Lin Qiushi, if anything happens to me, will you help Cheng Qianli?"

Lin Qiushi startled.

"Never mind," Cheng Yixie said. "Go on."

With that he closed the door, not giving Lin Qiushi an opportunity to respond.

Honestly, the usual Cheng Yixie didn't seem anything like a sixteen year old. He tended to be cool and calm, a lot like Ruan Nanzhu. Perhaps this sixth door really had been a close call, to have provoked him to say something like that.

Lin Qiushi felt an inexplicable ache in his chest.

Back in the living room, Cheng Qianli had started on the snacks again, but he didn't seem to be enjoying them at all. He looked thoroughly exhausted.

Lin Qiushi asked after him for a bit, and found out the world they'd gone into this time was a medieval post-war battlefield. There really had been some close calls.

Fortunately, they'd managed to escape in the end.

"My brother and I both have a genetic disorder," Cheng Qianli spoke as he snacked. This was news to Lin Qiushi. "We can't do sports, and when it's really serious, we can barely walk. The doctor says neither of us will live past eighteen."

Lin Qiushi listened.

"Then my brother entered the doors first," Cheng Qianli said. "His illness got better… Then I went in too." Scratching his head, he laughed, "sometimes I think, that the doors aren't really scary at all. Without them, we wouldn't have been able to lead normal lives, or live at all. We've already got more than our fair share."

Lin Qiushi said, "don't think like that. There are more days ahead of you."

"Yeah, more ahead." Cheng Qianli's gaze suddenly seemed lost. "And I don't know at all how I'll end my life."

This was hard to listen to. It was in this moment that Lin Qiushi fully realized that everybody in the mansion was dying. Some were emotionally prepared, some weren't, but there was no exception—they'd all caught on their breaths the scent of death.

"Good luck on your next door." Cheng Qianli stood. "I'm going to rest for a bit, I'm exhausted…"

And when he yawned, Lin Qiushi nodded and watched him go.

Probably because he had nothing in particular to cling to, Lin Qiushi could enter the doors with relative calm; he would take death, but he'd also happily welcome each rebirth.

Lin Qiushi's door and Cheng Qianli's weren't that far apart; the midnight after Cheng Qianli returned, Lin Qiushi started awake in his bed, left his room, and walked out into the hallway with those twelve metal doors once more.

The first five metal doors were sealed off, and the seventh onward all could not be opened. Only the sixth door allowed Lin Qiushi to pull it open with ease.

After the familiar spinning, Lin Qiushi found himself on a paved pathway. It was empty all around the path, with only a black sign pointing forward, on which was written the blurry text: Throughwaters Village

It was chilly, and Lin Qiushi wrapped his clothes tight around himself before starting forward. The path was wide and swathed in thick fog. After about six to seven minutes, a human silhouette finally came into view. The figure was familiar. Lin Qiushi's eyes lit up the moment he saw it, and called out, "Mengmeng—"

The person turned. The face was a stranger's but the disposition was not. He asked, "candy?"

Lin Qiushi, "love it, can't get enough. I like mint and strawberry flavored ones."

He replied, "I don't like them, because I've got an ache in my fourth tooth."

With the secret signal and each other's identities confirmed, Lin Qiushi could finally sigh in relief. He said, "I didn't think we'd find each other so early… Hang on, why are you dressed as a guy?" His eyes went wide.

Ruan Nanzhu replied, "did I say I was going to dress up with you?"

Lin Qiushi, "....."

Ruan Nanzhu put a finger to his lips and smiled. "A mute person can't speak so much."

Lin Qiushi didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Can't I…"

“No." Ruan Nanzhu already knew what he was going to ask and heartlessly refused. "Be a good girl now."

Lin Qiushi, "....." Giving his hair a tug, he discovered that the wig did in fact become real hair, and for some reason, his height inside the door this time was shorter than usual.

"Come on, let's go find the others first." Ruan Nanzhu scanned their surroundings. "This fog's all kinds of irritating."

So the two headed onward.

Walking behind Ruan Nanzhu, Lin Qiushi discretely snuck a glance inside his pants. He exhaled in relief when the important bits were all still there.

Thankfully, it was only the hair that changed and nothing else, or he’d have found himself gone catatonic about it.

They kept going ahead, until finally different scenery grew visible: a ragged little town emerged from the fog before them. This town had clear Western influences, but most of the signs were still in Chinese.

Suddenly curious, Lin Qiushi asked, "have you ever ended up somewhere foreign?"

Ruan Nanzhu, "sure, aren't we in one now?"

Lin Qiushi said, "but the signs are Chinese."

Ruan Nanzhu, "they probably factored in people's standard cultural knowledge and figured sticking with Chinese was best." He glanced at Lin Qiushi. "After all, some people can't even read that."

Lin Qiushi knew Ruan Nanzhu was teasing him for pretending to be illiterate in the last door, and could only mutter awkwardly, "those were extenuating circumstances though…"

They walked into the town and found a group of people gathered in the small village square.

With a single sweeping glance, Ruan Nanzhu was able to count, "eight."

Lin Qiushi was already getting into character, and didn't reply.

Emerging from the fog, the two drew some attention. Some eyes fell on the stunning Ruan Nanzhu, but some even fell on Lin Qiushi.

The current Lin Qiushi had long hair and, due to being shorter, an apparently frail frame underneath the clothes. He was also pale and seemed a bit frightened, looking up at Ruan Nanzhu with dark eyes wide with helplessness—or at least that's what it looked like to outsiders. The reality was…

Lin Qiushi: fuck, fuck me, they're all staring at me.

Ruan Nanzhu: let them stare, what's the harm.

Lin Qiushi: what if they discover I'm a guy?

Ruan Nanzhu: whip the big guy out and scare them all to death.

Lin Qiushi: .....

And after the above transpired through nothing but meaningful eye contact, Lin Qiushi knew there was nothing more he could say.

Somebody was approaching. Probably because Ruan Nanzhu seemed harder to get along with, the person's attention completely targeted the poor, weak, and helpless-looking Lin Qiushi.

Before Lin Qiushi even had time to react, Ruan Nanzhu extended a hand to halt the person in his tracks. "Yeah?”

"Nothing." He was a handsome young man in his twenties, clad in a stylish outfit, and he seemed very interested in Lin Qiushi. "I just wanted to ask if you two needed some help."

"I don't think she can talk." Staring the guy down, Ruan Nanzhu blockaded himself in front of Lin Qiushi.

"Can't talk?" That person seemed even more interested now, and said, "Hi, I'm Wang Tianxin."

Ruan Nanzhu, "Lu Meng."

Seeing Ruan Nanzhu's protectiveness, Wang Tianxin smiled.

"Do you two know each other then?"

Ruan Nanzhu said, "no, but meeting the moment we entered feels a bit fated, doesn't it."

Lin Qiushi fished out his phone and typed: I'm Yu Qiuqiu, it's a pleasure to meet you both.

They both read the text on Lin Qiushi's phone screen, and Wang Tianxin said, "oh, so you're called Yu Qiuqiu. That's a cute name." He was a bit shorter than Ruan Nanzhu, and bent forward now with a friendly expression. "I'm Wang Tianxin, and if you'd like, I think we can try to be friends."

Lin Qiushi pretended to be a bit frightened, and ducked slightly behind Ruan Nanzhu. To be so solicitous without cause, the man was sure to peddle treachery or crime; Wang Tianxin's eager friendliness toward complete strangers obviously had ulterior motives. And though Lin Qiushi wasn't scared, he also wasn't stupid enough to step right into some kind of plot.

Ruan Nanzhu also didn't bother to be cordial: "she seems scared of you. Why don't you stay away from her."

Wang Tianxi looked at Ruan Nanzhu, but then actually turned and walk away.

Lin Qiushi didn't anticipate him giving up so easily, but Ruan Nanzhu let out a cold laugh—he seemed to have guessed Wang Tianxin's intentions.

The team of people for this round gradually gathered.

There were two newcomers again, both male this time. One appeared steady enough, but the other had completely broken down, crying and wailing the whole way here.

Fortunately, aside from all the crying, the new guy didn't do anything too extreme.

After giving up on Lin Qiushi, that Wang Tianxin quickly found himself another girl. In just a short amount of time, that girl and Wang Tianxin seemed to have grown very close, chatting and laughing with good cheer.

Lin Qiushi peered at Ruan Nanzhu.

Ruan Nanzhu knew what he wanted to ask, and replied under his breath, "there's always that kind of people inside the doors. They like finding teammates. Of course, the teammates aren't just good for teamwork, and can be good for something else as well."

Lin Qiushi: such as?

Ruan Nanzhu just watched him. His smile was meaningful, but he said nothing further.

Lin Qiushi was shocked into understanding by that smile.

Wang Tianxin was clearly an expert of this way, and found his targets with precision. Upon gathering, he approached delicate-looking women with care and concern, easily winning their trust.

And Lin Qiushi, a woman with a disability, was even more clearly his type. It was only because Ruan Nanzhu got in his way that he had to change targets.

Ruan Nanzhu said, "you better follow me closely, and don't get hoodwinked by others."

Lin Qiushi shot him a glare, and thought so what if he was hoodwinked, he'd only have to whip off the skirt and compare sizes a bit...

Author's Note

Ruan Nanzhu: there's no way we're not getting a show, if I don't act someone else has to.

Lin Qiushi: .....

[Ch. 53] | [Ch. 55]

#kaleidoscope of death #cnovel #xi zixu #chinese translation #i'm doing these for practice it's so fucking funny #it's also fascinating to see translations side by side for comparison

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clowntramp · 5 years ago

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“Curiosity”

Part one of three

Arthur Fleck x Reader

Warning: adult themes, mention of dissociation

It was your first day at Ha Has Amusements. Party clown wasn’t your first career of choice, but it seemed like easy money, and you got hired on the spot. You saw a flyer on a street corner and took a chance, knowing that wearing a wig and clown makeup was better than offering five dollar blow jobs just to get by.

The office smelt like stale cigarettes and booze, and Hoyt, the boss, was already shaping up to be quite the ass, and a perv. You entered the dressing room, which was littered with portraits of clowns and nude women, and put your bags down by the lockers. You took your mirror and makeup bag out, carefully laying out the paints and brushes on the bench beside you. You could feel them staring at you, their eyes became fixed when you walked in. Men who dressed up as clowns for a living never thought they would share their space with a woman, let alone such a young and attractive one. You expected this, most of your previous jobs had all been staffed by men, with you as the only acception. Even outside of work boys would always keep you around, just for the eye candy.

You started to apply your makeup, trying to ignore their incessant staring. It only took a few moments of concentration before you were finished with the look. Blue triangles above and below your eyes, red circles on your cheeks, red nose and a red painted smile. It didn’t look good, but you looked like a clown, and that’s all that mattered.

—————————————————————

You spent the first half of your shift at a kids birthday party, the second half was spent spinning a sign outside of a pizza parlor. It may not sound like hard work but you were tired once you arrived back at the office, it was dark, rainy, and cold, you just wanted to get home.

The dressing room was empty, all of the men had packed up and left by the time you got back. You opened your locker, then took a seat to take off your clown shoes. Relief settled in as you slowly started to peel off the many layers of your costume. You remained in your undergarments, finding a freeing comfort in the empty space.

It was silent as you sat there relaxing, taking deep breaths, letting your eyes close. The paint on your face had grown tight, you raised your eyebrows and watched the white paint flake into you lap. It was a satisfying feeling to watch your mask crumble off.

You reached an arm up to your neck, forcing your fingers in deep, massaging off the tension of the day. Clowning around was hard work. Suddenly, you heard a door open in the distance. The sound startled you, and you got to your feet. Your eyes moved around the room in search of a towel or robe, something to cover up your barren body incase anyone walked in. It was futile, there was nothing. You rummaged through your locker in search of the clothes you had worn to work. You heard the rhythmic pattern of steps approaching as you finally fished out your large tee shirt. You quickly pulled it over your head as he walked in. His gaze was fixed to his hands, unaware that there was another body in the room.

You pulled down your shirt uncomfortably in attempt to cover your lower half, but the slight motion caused him to look up, startled. He stopped in his tracks and looked to you with wide eyes, letting out a gasp before turning around swiftly.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry!” he blurted out in a strained voice, “I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

You quickly found your pants and pulled them on, “it’s ok,” you said softly, aware of the clear distress in his voice, “I’m all dressed now it’s ok.”

He turned around, brows furrowed, he let out a pained nassely chuckle before a cough ripped through his chest, causing him to reach up and grab his throat. You cringed at his apparent discomfort and felt the urge to go over and rub his back. He looked meek and gentle, mostly tired. His clown makeup was smudged terribly with traces of what looked like blood. He stood tall but his posture was defeated. He looked different than other man that you had seen in the dressing room, more delicate.

He ran a shaky hand through his rather greasy hair, you could see his embarrassed cheeks through the faded white on his face, “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in on you, I’ll let you be, I’m sorry.” You could hear the shame in his voice, and he turned around to leave,

“Wait,” you said desperately, “I’m just finishing up, you don’t have to leave, I’m new here, I should have locked the door, it’s my fault.”

He turned around, gave you a weak smile and walked over to the vanity, placing a plaid duffel bag down. He audibly winced as he sat down before flicking on the incandescent light bulbs that framed the mirror. As you gathered up your things that were spewed about you noticed the extent of his facial injuries in the light. His upper lip was caked in blood from his nose and he had a deep gash above his painted eyebrow. You watched him flinch in pain as he held up a dirty rag to the cut.

“My goodness,” you said faintly, “what happened to you?” You walked over to him slowly, standing beside him now, he looked up at you timidly. “Here,” you said, taking the rag from his hand cautiously, “I can do it if you like, I know how painful it is to clean a gash like that.”

He closed his eyes and nodded, “please, thank you, that’s very kind,” he said with a cracking voice.

You took a half empty water bottle off the vanity and poured a little on the rag, he tipped his head back and you leaned in close, “Ok, this is going to sting a little bit, just bear with me.” You placed the rag onto the cut gently and he let out a groan, clutching the arms of the chair. “I’m sorry, I know it hurts, we’re almost done,” you said in your most soothing voice. You cleared the wound and the surrounding area of any face paint then patted it dry lightly. You took a couple of fresh tissues and folded them, placing them directly on the cut. You held it there with slight pressure until it clotted with blood. You continued in silence and tenderly patted away the blood under his nose. You were close to his face and the stench of cigarettes and sweat overwhelmed you. It wasn’t utterly repulsive, you probably smelled similar, but there was a distinctive undertone of musky pine, probably from his aftershave or deodorant. The mixture was actually quite pleasant and strangely familiar.

He stared at himself in the mirror as you finished cleaning up his face. The act of wiping away his makeup felt very intimate. Heat rushed to your cheeks at the intrusive thought of this. “Ok I think that’s the last of it,” you said rubbing away the last bit of dried blood.

He looked up at you gratefully, “thank you.”

You smiled, “don’t worry about it.”

You put the rag back down then continued to gather your things in silence. You glanced over to him and he remained staring at his reflection. His eyes were vacant and his face still. You recognized this look, he was dissociating. Having been familiar with this state yourself, you decided to break the silence, to snap him out of his trance. You had always been grateful for those who had done this for you.

“So do you know of any good places to grab a drink?” You said while you zipped up your bag and flung it onto your shoulder.

He turned to you slowly, “what?” He questioned softly, as if you had spoken to someone else. You repeated the question with a slight smile. “Oh right,” he said with a strained voice, “Um I don’t really go get drinks, so I’m not sure.” His gaze fell on his lap and he started to bounce his leg idly.

This wasn’t the answer you were looking for. You hoped he would have mentioned a place, then you would have said something along the lines of ‘maybe I’ll go there, would you like to join?’ Then you would’ve gone out and hopefully learned more about this mysteriously bruised co worker. You thought that he was intriguing, simply because he didn’t act or look like any of the other men who worked at Ha Ha’s. And more specifically he didn’t look at you like you were a piece of meat, which was refreshing.

“That’s ok, I shouldn’t waste my money anyway.” You tried to sound nonchalant, “I’ll see ya around I guess, hope your night gets better.” He gave you a weak smile in response then turned back to the mirror.

As you walked down the hall, you thought you heard sobbing or laughter, or both, you weren’t sure. But as you left the building a sudden pang of guilt hit you. You felt bad for the guy, he looked pretty beaten up and you don’t get those kinds of injuries from taking a fall, someone did that to him on purpose. You turned around and walked back towards the building, your body moving without thought.

You took a deep breath before entering the dressing room again, attempting to muster up the courage for what you were going to do next. You entered and he was still at the vanity, he looked up to you in the mirror, running a hand through his hair.

“Do you wanna maybe hang out sometime? I mean I’m new here, in the city, and I don’t have many friends, and you’re the first person who hasn’t been a complete asshole. I mean only if you want, I understand if you’re like busy or something.” You bit your tongue hard as he looked at you tilting his head a bit as if he was confused. You counted as three painful seconds past. You took his silence as a no, “It’s totally fine if you don’t, I understand, I’ll see you around.”

You turned around and started to walk out, “Wait” he said, his voice cracking slightly. You turned and faced him, the corners of his mouth were twitching up into a soft smile. “I'd like that,” he said sweetly, “when?”

“When are you free,” you said trying to hide your excitement, you didn’t think he would say yes.

He looked around the room, “right now?” He asked.

“Yeah! Do you wanna come over? I live a few blocks away, I can let you finish up here and you could meet me there, or whatever.” You said, trying your best to sound casual.

“Ok,” he said quietly with a gentle smile, “I can do that.”

“Great! Let me write down my address for you.” You walk over to the table and tore off a bit of newspaper. You scribbled down the address and handed it to him. “Alright so I’ll see you in a few.”

“Yeah,” he smiled.

As you walked home you couldn’t help but question why you took a liking to this man. Something about him drew you in, something unexplainable. It was a strange feeling, almost familiar. You always questioned everything, but decided to that you wouldn’t question this. There was freedom in letting things happen, and you would come to this realization very soon.

#is this good?#idk #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck #joker #arthur fleck joker #jaoquin phoenix #jaoquin phoenix joker #joker 2019 #clowntramp #arthur fleck fic #joker fic #clowntramp fic #knocknockfics

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glamrockmonarch · 6 years ago

Text

The Flu: Ben Hardy Miniseries

Part 1. Bless You.

Mini Series Masterlist | Part 2 | Part 3

Summary: You are an actress and worked with the boys in BoRhap, after the premiere and press tour you wind up working on another project with one of them; Ben. As your roles are tied together you find yourselves spending more and more time in each other’s company, becoming closer than ever and developing feelings. Ben cannot bring himself to ruin what you have with another one of your friends by acting on these new found love until you get sick out of the blue right in the middle of the production and this sparks something between the two.

Words: 7220.

A/N: So this is the first one! I have to warn you, although there will only be three parts, they will be long. Also, I mention a fictional movie (a story inside the story I made up as well, I know how meta, right?) and it’s based on Sarah Lark’s books that I’ve read and loved. There are some adult topics being mentioned and of course, someone gets ill in this. I still have great hopes you’ll enjoy this!

You sniffed and texted Joe to stop texting while driving, which you were aware defeated the whole purpose of telling him that via text while he was driving.

Your room was dark, the curtains pulled closed and your body already covered by the bedsheets of the small house your manager had rented for you while you were shooting in England.

Knowing Joe you did not want him to get hurt and he could get distracted on the phone with ease. This both concerned and amused you.

The day went by in a flash. It had been the first free day you had had in about two months and you decided on spending it with Ben. Ben was a friend of yours from a previous project. You worked together when you played a minor role in Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen’s epic biopic. You had been good friends before and stayed in touch after production wrapped and you were doing other projects, but once you realised you would be working together once again, you two became almost inseparable.

Gwilym was the first to predict it, seeing as Ben was already there at what would be your home for the following two months on the east side of London when he arrived to help you settle in.

“You’ve already had her for all of three months, let me give her a proper welcome now!” Gwil had said as he pushed Ben away from the doorway and extended his long arms towards you.

In fact, by the time production started in England you had already filmed all you needed in the beautiful southern island. You had a ton of pictures of Ben killing or taking out huge spiders and weird bugs that managed to crawl into your hotel room.

“Oh, that’s the thing!” You smiled with your face buried on his chest, covered by a fluffy sweater you nuzzled into.

Although Gwilym was tall and lean, he gave the best of hugs, wrapping his arms around you in a soothing manner that was all too Gwilym.

Now that you are a good four months in, your relationship with Ben had flourished. You considered him your confidant and trusted talking to him about anything. Ben was comfortable allowing himself to be candid with you too, both of you sometimes finding yourselves deep in conversations about failed relationships, lactose intolerance, fear of where your careers were heading, and whatnot.

In truth, it would be weird if you did not find each other’s company adequate - at least. Your director threw you two right into the water, shooting the most difficult scenes right away and giving you a bad case of “we filmed live aid on day one”.

The story was quite complex, being set in the latter half of the 19th century, you were portraying a girl from a middle-class family whose father had recently fallen ill. Your character is then forced into a marriage with a strange man, Ben Hardy’s character, a man who comes from a wealthy family, who would inherit what little your father had once he passed. It is not romantic, Ben’s character is portrayed as some kind of insensitive monster for the first few pages on the script. Your character loathes him for what he represents and sees little in him but a man who has never worked a day in his life and expects women to give him whatever he wants. Of course, Ben would not take a role with such little depth, in fact, his character grows out of the initial repulsion to become a Mister Darcy of sorts. His character grows through the story and the relationship between him and his wife gets better and even friendly once the pair are shipped to New Zealand so he can take care of his father’s mine in a small town called Christchurch. That was where the real story developed, surrounded by the beauties of the island and the local Maoris, the story serves to speak of the differences between the two people who now live there. The hard work and sacrifices the first colonizers had to go through to bring prosperity to the country.

You like this transition and you get to experience it with your character as you too start learning more and more about Ben.

So after spending a good hour in hair and makeup on your first day, fooling around while you had your hair curled and messed with, you were greeted on set by the whole crew expecting you to to get into a bed and pretend to have sex. Of course, it was awkward for a few minutes, your character was supposed to have had a fight with Ben’s character before this, and the whole night was supposed to be horrible for her. It was not the first time you filmed a scene like this, but it was the first time your character was not into it. Ben’s character was supposed to be drunk and get violent, it did not sound like your friend at all. It was also your characters’ first night in the foreign country, their first evening together alone at last. Neither one of them wanted to be there, but they were, so these characters had to fulfill their duties and get on with life.

Once the camera started rolling you two went at it like professionals. You stood still in an embarrassingly transparent white gown while Ben circled you with a glass of whiskey in his hand. The scene started slow and it took you and the director a couple of takes before you got the rhythm right. Pacing yourselves, you and Ben worked it out in front of the camera.

You yelled at him. He pushed you back on the bed. You slapped him. He pulled your hair, and when his character was supposed to be forcing himself on yours, you cried and pulled your hands away from him, turning to look away as the script dictated your character to do. Crying and whining, you shut your eyes with a camera angled only inches away from your face.

Ben had a hard time after this, he apologized to you about a thousand times.

Although you were going to use a wig for most of the scenes, the ones where you were supposed to go to bed were the only ones for which you wore your blonde hair down. Ben thought he had been too aggressive, he did not think of it while you were filming, he just let his character take over and when the director called for cut-scene after only a couple of takes, he looked at your face and saw the mess of tears that it had become. You had to recover your breath from the fake sobbing, you worked yourself up for the scene but since the director liked what he had already there was no need for you to keep the intensity.

“It’s okay, Ben,” you patted his shoulder as you sat up in the bed on set while the crew came around to do their magic. “You did great! Didn’t think you had it in ya...”

Ben frowned, there were tears streaming down your face yet you smiled.

“I didn’t know you could actually cry on command.” He admitted, sitting next to you. He touched his cheek. “You ever thought of boxing?”

You laughed and leant on his shoulder, smiling as the makeup girls came to examine the damage done to their work.

“Oi, why do I get to wear a ridiculous piece of tape down here,” You pointed down at your lap as you saw the wardrobe woman come in, “and Ben gets real size pants?”

Ben chuckled and put his hand on your knee, squeezing it as he thought of what you said.

“Hey, I paid my dues on Eastenders!” Ben looked you dead in the eyes, “I was a piece of meat for the producers.”

You stared at him and lifted your head from his shoulder.

“Are you joking?” You put your hand on his and smiled. “That how I feel right now. They gave me a piece of yellow tape to cover up my vagina.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed and he looked away for a second.

“Why not just a thong? Wouldn’t that be easier to hide?”

“I told them that but they brought me flip flops!” You explained, interrupted now by the makeup artist retouching your makeup.

“Oh, that will get red in a few hours.” Beth, the makeup artist said as she stared at Ben’s cheek, giving you a chastising look.

“Sorry.” You mumbled.

After this first experience on set, everything else was like a walk in the park. The director had put you through the toughest parts early onto production to get you two to work up your chemistry from there.

It turned out to work so well that you were at the moment getting a facetime call from Ben. Considering if you should reject it and go to bed you turned on your side in the comfort of your warm bed and rested your cheek on the plush pillow. In the end, you slid your finger and watched your screen darken when his face came up in the middle of a dark square - he was in bed too.

“What’re you doing Miss Everleigh?” He asked in a low voice.

You snorted at him using your character’s name. You had a usual joke with it, everyone on set called you the Everleighs and it was easy to see why. You two were always hanging out together between takes, and if you were not you would still know exactly where to find the other. You would bring cookies to set, Ben would walk in with coffee for everyone. You two were ridiculously connected, though the crew knew better than to tease you for it.

“I am about to go to bed.” You explained to him, “I have to be on Beth’s chair by 4.” You ran your hand through your face.

“Sucks. Me too.” Ben sighed for a long moment. “Want me to pick you up?”

“Is it a bother?” You scrunched up your nose.

Ben laughed and stuck his tongue out at you. “Never, Y/N.”

You smiled at him on your screen and noticed him yawning.

“Thanks, we should get some sleep now.”

“Yup.” He agreed, “see you in a few!”

“Bye!” You waved and finished the conversation.

It was still funny to you that after all the time you spent together that morning, Ben still managed to forget to ask if you wanted a ride for the next day. During the last couple of weeks, you were going to be shooting scenes with different units. You were going to Wales next month to shoot some of the initial scenes on the script and Ben would stay in London with the first unit. So, for the time being, you enjoyed the couple of times a week when you and Ben could ride together to work.

As you set your phone down, you felt if buzz and turned it around again to see a notification on your screen. A text message followed by a second and a third one. All from the same person. Joe.

You smiled and put your finger on the white circle of your phone, the only button available, to unlock it. Reading the messages in silence.

“I’m not reckless, you know? And I am at a coffee shop fyi.”

“I just checked and it is getting late there, are you going to sleep soon?”

“Goodnight y/n. Call me when you’re free. Love you.”

Joe was a sweetheart. And he also hated to be missing out on your and Ben’s adventures while working on this project. From his whining via voice notes on the group chat when Ben sent a picture of you learning how to ride a horse like a lady, to the time when he actually exited the group after you sent a video of Ben and yourself doing his BAB dance in full costume featuring your hairstylist in the middle of a farm in NZ.

“About to doze off. We have an early morning tomorrow. Love you too, silly!”

You turned your phone off and put it on the nightstand to leave it to charge while you rolled on your back and pulled the covers up to your nose.

Spending the day laying on Ben’s couch playing Fifa and watching films really was a good way of spending your free day; topped only by you two venturing outside in sweatpants to get to Ben’s favourite sushi place for dinner.

You closed your eyes and saw black, tired, you were pulled from the world in an instant.

You sighed, waking up suddenly to the sound of your doorbell ringing. Pushing the covers away, you noticed a light layer of sweat covering your body. Forgetting about it you put on your robe and walked through the long hall, passing by the bathroom, kitchen and living room. When you opened the door, you knew who to expect.

“Morning!” Ben smiled from behind a pair of squared sunglasses.

You grunted your response, leaning on your door for support as you stepped to the side to let him in.

Ben stepped inside, kissing your cheek and waiting for you to close the door. He watched you go back to your bedroom and followed.

“I feel sick.” You admitted, walking past the bed to go find an outfit for the little time it would take to go to set and back home.

There was a light pounding on your head, you thought it might go away after you had coffee, so you did not complain too much about it.

“Anyone awake at this hour has to feel sick, Y/N.” Ben sat on the edge of your bed and saw you throw some clothes to the side on a chair.

You huffed and threw yourself back on your bed.

“I don’t want to leave you!” You cried out, the sound muffled from the thick bed covers.

While you savoured the last seconds in your bed, Ben took his chance and snapped a picture of you, which he would proceed to post later on his Instagram to further tease your fan base. Everyone went nuts when the news that you were working on the same project broke, the fans had been loving the content you two created on your social media accounts, with the interventions of your friends it was even better.

Ben knew the routine already, he patted your back and then saw you get up and make your bed with a pout. He helped by tossing some pillows at you, and straightened the duvet on one of the sides before you announced you would get chanced in the bathroom.

Your friend liked this natural feeling of domestic life. Picking you up was the part of his day when he felt like any other person working a job in the world. He would help make your bed and if there was any time he would brew some coffee. You would come out of your room wearing some jeans, a shirt, and hoodie, and you would tell him where the cookies were. It was like this all the time, he thought he would miss it once the production wrapped shooting. But he was thankful he got a stronger friendship from it.

“Hey, Ben?” You walked into the kitchen this morning with a tired expression.

It was odd, by this moment you should have gotten to terms with the lack of sleep. You should be more upbeat, but even your face seemed to refuse to show colour.

“Are you alright?” The blonde wondered, placing his hands on the kitchen counter behind him. “You look...”

“Sick?” You cut him off, rolling your eyes, “I feel sick, I think I’ll catch a cold or something.”

Ben offered you a thermos filled with coffee. You took it with a nod and thanked him. Grabbing your hoodie and jacket you walk outside to Ben’s car.

“You can nap while we get there,” Ben said to you once you were both sat inside his vehicle.

“I’ll do that. Thanks.”

You put on your seatbelt and curl into a ball on the passenger’s seat, falling asleep in a matter of seconds.

Ben had to admit that this was a little odd, but this late into the shooting it might just be that you were experiencing some degree of exhaustion. He tries not to worry as he woke you up once the car was parked.

“We’re her,.” Ben announced.

You sniffed and blinked. Wiping away the sleep from your eyes as Ben got out of the car and came to open the door for you.

You felt dizzy and your head was starting to feel more like a drum than a head. Not wanting to delay production or cause concern to anyone, you smiled at the crew members you ran into on the way to the makeup trailer and sat on your usual chair.

Everything else went as normal, you reviewed your lines while Beth worked her magic on you and heard Ben joke around. You replied a few times but watched him leave before you did.

“I’ll see you at lunch!” He called back when he exited the trailer.

Today you were shooting some scenes with other actors, in fact, almost all your scenes together were done; so next, you would be going to film the basis of your characters. This morning you would be filming your character explaining herself to the boy she loved, she had to give up on him to make her mother at ease and marry Ben’s character. It was a conflicting scene where you would have to show love, remorse and grieve, but your character being so righteous proved to hide these emotions well, making it difficult for you to convey them in a believable manner.

Your next scene was one at a dinner party, then you would play the piano and meet other characters important to the plot later on.

Had it not been for the tight corset you might have had a chance at pulling through the day of shooting.

Followed by an assistant you were directed into a barn, inside the lights were set, mics too. You saw the rest of the actors standing back behind the monitors as you approached Craig.

“‘Sup Craig!” You greeted him, kissing his cheek.

You had met before, having filmed already a few scenes together.

“Not much, how you doing?” He looked you up and down and pointed at the waist on your dress. “That looks surreal!”

“Well, breathing in it is surreal!” Your eyes widened but you both laughed.

The scene was set and everyone stood on their marks when the director asked them to. Once the camera started rolling, you remembered the words on the script.

“I am so sorry,” you said, holding Craig’s hands as he stared with a confused expression on his face. “I tried to talk to my mother, but... Father has already expressed his desires. I am to be married to Mister Everleigh.”

Craig’s face showed confusion and he squeezed your hands, showing how his character reacted with desperation as he first heard the news from his beloved’s lips.

“But...a marriage without love?” Craig shook his head, “you said you would never...how can you agree to it? Will you not fight it?”

“Father has fallen ill.” You rushed to explain. “He has been clear he wants things this way. I cannot go against his will.”

“I-I-I...” Craig looked down at your hands as the camera came closer to the two. “I will ask for your hand!”

You close your eyes, a sting of pain shot through your stomach at this moment and you struggle to think of the lines.

“No,” you began, placing a hand on your abdomen over the thick fabric of your tight costume, “No... Percy...” You used Craig’s character’s name. “It will be no use. Mister Everleigh has already set the date, mother has fitted me into the dress...”

You opened your eyes and took a deep breathe, watching him cut you off, as the script dictated.

“I do not care!” He pulled you closer, cupping the back of your head and pressing his nose against yours. “I love you. I will speak to your father, there must be something-”

You pushed Craig away, both confused and scared for what you were feeling at the moment. Your head spun around as if the earth was shaking beneath your feet. Sighing you shook your head and slapped Craig’s hands as he tried to hold you again.

“It has been decided. Percy, I will not defy him on his dying bed.” You cried out, before storming off out of the barn followed by another one of the cameras.

“CUT!” The director called.

You stopped and brought a hand to your head, trying to regain composure. You and Craig repeated the scene a couple of times, by the time you were moving on to a different scene your head about to blow, you could barely stand it and asked your assistant on set to bring you some paracetamol to try and help out.

For about half the morning it sort of did, but then it all got far worse. You were in the middle of shooting another scene involving Craig, this time you were supposed to get off one of the horses with his help while Ben’s character watched from a distance. The meeting with him had been already filmed, but this was somewhat important to the storytelling or at least to the director’s creative vision of the film. Having learnt months ago how to ride a horse you encountered no problems getting on the saddle and riding around in a circle with the horse while the crew set up for the scene.

Once you were rolling you figured your stomach would be fine, since you had been experiencing little discomfort since popping the small white pill into your mouth. Of course, things went wrong quick after you stopped the horse at what was supposed to be the Jones, your character’s family, small home. You jumped off the saddle with your hands on Craig’s shoulders and as soon as your feet touched the ground, you watched the world revolving around you come down along with you.

Everything looked blurry and judging from the director’s call on cutting the shot, it was evident. A second later you found yourself staring at Craig’s face as if he was staring from above, the sky grey as usual on the background of this image of his dark hair and protuberant nose.

“Y/N? Y/N?” A voice echoed in your ears and struggled to make out the voice, “Y/N? Are you okay?”

It was your assist. Next, you thought to hear her saying she had brought you some painkillers for your head, the director agreed and someone else got on the phone, you were pulled up and sat. Only now did you realise you had been laid across the entrance of the state.

“What is it?” You closed your eyes but felt the now familiar touch of Ben’s hands on your face.

Your friend pushed the fake hair from your wig away from your face and watched intently. You looked paler than usual, a fake blush had been put on your cheeks to make you appear okay, but the lack of spark in your eyes gave it away fast. You were starting to sweat and as he ran his fingers along your face he noticed the reason: you were burning up.

“I think...” you managed, feeling a strange sandiness in your mouth, your tongue moved in an odd way and your chest squeezed into itself. “I’m gonna be sick.”

Just the moment you pushed past Ben and stumbled onto the corner your stomach flipped and you fell on your knees as you threw up. Crying out, at last, you were surrounded by crew members and actors. Craig and Ben helped pull your hair away and one of the cameramen held your hand as you got back to your feet.

“I feel like shit,” you admitted to Ben once your assistant wiped your face to get rid of some vomit staining the corners of your mouth.

Ben frowned, concerned about what could be wrong with you.

“You should rest.” He said and turned around to see the director coming up to talk to you.

He stepped away to let you have a word with the director of the film.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” The old man asked, fixing his glasses on his nose.

“I feel sick, sir.” You replied in all honesty. “But I can go on!”

To prove your point you tried to stand up, only to shake in your feet for a few seconds and have Craig hold you back up, Ben rushing to your aid as well. The director held your hands and pursed his lips in a tight frustrated smile.

“Call the medics,” the director instructed his assistant and put his eyes back on you. “I do not mind figuring out what to do without you for a few days, go get treated. You can finish up later.”

Like a child, you nodded and the man kissed your cheek to let you know it was fine.

Ben wrapped his arms around you as the director called the crew in for a quick meeting, they would have to rethink the day of shooting and figure out what to do while you got better.

You leant on Ben’s chest and let your head sink on the crook of his chest while the paramedics arrived and put you on a stretcher to take you to the hospital. You were ushered back to your trailer and Beth helped you take the wig and costume off before heading to the closest hospital.

“Do you have your phone?” Ben asked, walking along with the paramedics as you were rolled through the parking lot.

“Yeah, I’ll text you when I know what’s wrong.” You promised. “Call me when you have time!”

“I’ll come to see you when we’re done!” Ben stopped walking once you were carried inside the ambulance.

You waved at him before the paramedics closed the doors of the ambulance. You had never been on an ambulance before and it felt like you were in deep trouble. The paramedics started asking you questions about your symptoms, checking your vitals and feeling your stomach, finding a spot where it hurt.

“Stop!” You pushed the hand away, feeling a strong pain shoot right up your abdomen. “That hurts.”

After a short ride to the hospital and some tests, you were informed by the doctor that you were dealing with food poisoning. Since being in the hospital you had not stopped throwing up, unable to be medicated without a diagnosis by the time the information from the laboratory was delivered to you, you had already been given an IV. The doctor thought you might as well make the best out of it, and gave you the medicines through it.

You fell asleep a few seconds after you were medicated, but you were glad you would not need surgery or any other more invasive treatment.

•••

Ben didn’t get a text from you but he made sure to send you flowers at the hospital and went straight to see you after the shooting was done for the day.

You texted Joe while you waited for Ben to come back. He wanted to know how you were doing since he heard you were sick. After telling him you were alright he asked if there was someone home to take care of you while you recovered.

“That seems a little bit extreme, Joe. I’m just fine!” You texted him.

Changing the subject you sent him a picture of Ben’s hair and laughed at his reply.

“Don’t make me laugh! My tummy hurts!” You write back at him, and he texts an answer quickly enough.

“Sorry! Damn it, kinda wish I could be there!”

You glance over at the door and watch Ben come in with a coffee from the machine and pudding from the cafeteria. He shakes it a bit and extends it towards you.

“For me?” You wonder, brightening up to the small gesture. “Aw, Benny!”

You bring a hand to your chest, and text Joe back.

“I wish so too! At least I could punch you every time you made me laugh!” You added some emojis to soften the message, although you knew Joe would know you were playing.

“Who are you talking to?” Ben wondered once he put the pudding on your side table and sat on a chair next to your bed.

“Mozzarella sticks, Ben.” You joked.

The blonde snorted and threw his head back, rolling his eyes at your lame joke.

Ben knew it was wrong and not normal, the way he could not help but stare at you while you laughed and giggled at whatever Joe was telling you.

“Okay.” you put your phone down and looked up at your friend with tired eyes. “How was it without me on set?”

As Ben thought of the way to answer, he realised something. And he looked away from you for a moment.

“Absolutely boring.” He smiled up at you, placing his hand on yours.

You turned your hand and squeezed his, now Ben couldn’t help but wonder what your feelings were about this. About how close you had become. What would you say when he told you that his heart skipped a beat when he saw you faint? What would you do if he admitted his skin tingled now as you rubbed the back of his hand with your thumb?

Expose YN and Joe’s closeness. YN gets sick progressively worsening until she faints during a scene. Ben gets concerned, they spent a lot of time together before and now she is sick he wants to be with her, noticing how much he misses her. He realised he likes her more than just as a friend.

Ben stays with her one night to take care of her. As he is about to admit his feelings for her his phone rings and answering it turns out Joe wants his help to ask YN out on a date when they go to a fashion show in Paris the next week.

Taglist: @shanetoo @artemisiaarm @sarai-ibn-la-ahad

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben x ynofficial #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy angst #joe mazzello #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello x reader #bohemian rhapsody cast #bohemian rapsody cast #the flu

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