#the ones that are just like adult women wearing wigs. and makeup. Like that is not what the book is about.

[noisytenant]

going onto used book sites looking for a copy of lolita that isnt the vintage books usa 50th anniversary edition with the zoomed in lips photo cover (i don't like it) and discovering the broad, not-unexpected spectrum of terrible covers this book could have

[dwreader]

What movies would you recommend for good examples of period costumes?

Ok since I could talk for literally hours about this I’m going to stick to periods that are show adjacent or relevant otherwise I’ll be here all day.

18th century (Lestat’s time):

Barry Lyndon (1975) - takes place in the 1760s throughout Europe so a little before Lestat’s time but honestly fashion changed very slowly back then so it’s pretty much the vibe we’re gonna see in s3 I believe. I think this is essential to understanding the period’s masculinity as it features mostly men and is also not about romance. You also get to see class differences in men’s dress as the character starts off in a very different social position from where he ends up. I also think Sam in his Lestat get up from set leaks looks sooo much like Ryan O’Neal in this movie I think it will be a major inspiration.

Dangerous Liaisons (1988) - this is pretty much smack dab in the middle of Lestat’s human life (pre-revolutionary) and it’s one of the few romantic dramas that actually allows its leading men to look period accurate cause somehow Hollywood decided calves and stockings were too gay for their leading men who usually show up to dinner parties in riding gear which would NEVER happen. Anyways I also think the character of Valmont is probably another big Lestat influence.

I also think movies like Amadeus (1984) and The Favourite (2018) are helpful in establishing to viewers that men did look ridiculous back then with big ass wigs and face caked full of makeup and it was not considered gay or unmanly!!

Gilded Age / Edwardian and beyond (Louis’s time):

The Age of Innocence (1993) - takes place in the 1870s so again a bit before Louis but I think now it’s important to establish that fashion trends are moving a bit faster as you’ll see a few decades later the big ass bustle look is no longer on trend but this is just a beautiful film to look at if you want a good intro to film costuming.

The trio of Merchant-Ivory’s EM Forster adaptations: A Room with a View, Maurice and Howard’s End are nice examples of early 20th century wear and again you finally get to see more class differences in dress. Also great references for men’s wear.

Daughters of the Dust (1991) - this takes place in Georgia around 1902 so getting quite close to the start of the show and it has absolutely gorgeous design like it’s the women’s silhouette so spot on. Good reference for the costumes on black women in the show. Also I think this is one case where the flowy down do’s hair in a period film isn’t anachronistic cause of the specific story they’re telling otherwise I’m usually like why are you an adult woman walking around outside with your hair down.

Passing (2021) - takes place in 1920s New York and features really lovely b&w cinematography and costuming wise it’s a really beautiful representation of upper middle class black families of the time and also has very interesting contrasts with the white upper class. Amazing book too, I highly recommend both.

For periods beyond 1930 I actually recommend just watching films from that era cause they give a more accurate representation of what was fashionable then not filtered through today’s beauty standards. For example the thin penciled eyebrow is almost never seen in modern period films cause no actress wants to shave off their eyebrows 💀 and their hair is almost always too long cause they don’t wanna chop off their hair.

Here are some good fashion recs of 30s-40s:

Trouble in Paradise (1932), It Happened One Night (1934), The Awful Truth (1937), Imitation of Life (1934), Notorious (1946), Mildred Pierce (1945), Gilda (1946), Orphee (1949), and a bunch others you can ask me for recs based on more specific criteria and I’d be happy to provide!

Also a film that’s a bit past the show’s timeline is Paris Blues (1961) starring Sidney Poitier and Paul Newman that’s also about American expats in Paris and it’s very good, everyone watch it.

[radsplain]

it’s driving me insane how, as a society, we used to understand that there were men, who knew they were men, who liked to dress up as women on the DL. we called them cross-dressers, and we understood that most of them, especially the older heterosexual men, were fetishists. we all knew and understood that these were heterosexual, autogynephilic men who fetishized “dressing up” as women. and the public shamed them for doing so. but in the past decade it’s as if this group of men has suddenly and completely vanished. where did they go? the answer is: absolutely fucking nowhere. we’ve just decided to start calling them something completely different now: trans women.

now you may be thinking, “well that doesn’t make any sense. cross dressers are not trans women! cross dressers know they’re men and identify as men and only dress up as women sometimes! they know that doesn’t make them trans women.” but that’s where you’re wrong. like stated previously, we used to know what to call these men. we had a word for them. and that word rightfully kept men who fetishized women away from women and our spaces. we knew as a collective that this type of man, who fetishized this fake version of womanhood, must be kept away from women and our spaces at all costs. calling them cross dressers created an invisible boundary between them and women. it was a boundary that shamed them (rightfully so, in my opinion) for fetishizing their surface perception of women. but in the last decade we’ve seen a new phenomenon pop up that’s ideologically captured society and mass gaslit women into believing that men who liked wearing dresses and wigs and makeup were actually women, instead of, you know, men who liked wearing dresses and wigs and makeup.

we used to see them as what they are: men with a fetish who are playing out a sexual fantasy (mostly) in private. but today, these very same men have been emboldened by the recent advent of gender ideology to take their fetish even further: instead of just “dressing up” as women in private, they’re now being encouraged to identify as women in public. their fetish for dressing up as women has now been given protection by the trans umbrella, and on those grounds they are being allowed to enter into women’s bathrooms, changing rooms, prisons, and sports simply because they “identify” as women. they are being encouraged and even cheered on by other women to play out their sexual fantasy in public. they’ve been given free license to take their fetish further, and many of them have.

now, you may be thinking: “yes there are men with fetishes, but do you really think men who aren’t ‘actually’ trans would go through all of the steps of transition just to be seen as a woman?” yes. yes, I do. men have fetishized every single aspect of womanhood. there’s a porn category for every facet of our being. men have become doctors just to play out their fetish on unsuspecting women. so yes, I do believe that some of them would take it that far, especially when they get social validation and sexual gratification from people seeing them as women and referring to them as such. their fetish has consumed them to the point where they have to become it. this is not new to men who develop paraphilias like this. it’s just that only recently this particular paraphilia has been given license to be expressed freely, in public, with no pushback or repercussions. doing so could outcast you from your friends, fire you from your job, or just plain socially ostracize you.

and before anyone tries to bring this point up: no, it isn’t all trans women. but it’s certainly easy to pick out the ones this phenomenon likely applies to. they almost always “transition” much older than your typical young adult transitioner. they have debilitating porn addictions (which they’ll never admit), and they tend to call themselves “trans lesbians” (ie. heterosexual men). these are the men who gender ideologists are telling women we have to accept into our spaces with open arms. the men who, just a few decades ago, we would’ve rightfully clocked as the fetishists they are.

I need y’all to expeditiously wake up. these men are not women. they are autogynephiles who are now being protected by other women and the trans community at large for practicing their fetish in public. and I’m fucking sick of people telling women we’re just being “paranoid” about the prospect of sharing our spaces with them.

[anieastonbaker]

photo by Sela Shiloni

hair, makeup & styling by me

i should tell the story of this haircut at some point. i was in a very abusive relationship and chopped all my hair off in one bout of particularly painful distress because i thought it would make him stop being attracted to me and leave me alone. i drove to a barber shop in long beach to do it, a recommendation from a friend, and just told her to take it all off. the heart-racing idea that this single external change may set me free outweighed my fear of losing the shield of my hair. he demanded conventional beauty; the more unattainable, the more frequent the demand, i was working so hard yet always behind. i wan't out of the race. cutting my hair did make him less attracted to me, he told me directly and often. but it didn't make him leave me alone. he needed me around for a sinister purpose and nothing i tried, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing released his grip on me. there was no where i could run to that he wouldn't find me and use his abundantly packed tool belt to wear me down and further down and further down until i was weak enough for him to drag me back to his cave.

after a month or so, i started to love my hair. i loved it on other girls before me and i thought it was chic as hell, actually. "i told him i loved the short hair and i "i wish you could recognize how cute it is" having reached the part of the abuse cycle where i am desperate to be back in his favor. "Sorry, I just can't. I like long hair."

he started buying me wigs. expensive wigs, like nothing i'd ever been around. the novelty of it stopped me from understanding what was happening to me. "What a cool adventure I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford! How fun!" is how i explained it to myself. once it was clear to me that there was no leaving, i tapped into the skills i learned as a child. "this isn't bad and i'm not scared. this is good, even. there's so much more i can try that i haven't tried yet. i can make this work. i have to."

i was taught no practical skills as a child, but i did develop quite a few in order to survive. like finding the lesson in everything, finding the flaw in yourself which explains why somebody is hurting you. if it's in you then you can fix it. if it's in you, you can make things better. it's what a child does when leaving isn't an option. it's what an adult does who has learned this as a child.

he bought me so many wigs i considered buying styrofoam heads to display them all. they'd get tangled in the back and forth between my place and his. i wore wigs on our vacations, to his parties, to his dinners. mere weeks prior i cut my hair off, trying to be a women he could never desire and so quickly i was back lamenting the fact that i couldn't be all of them. back to being sure i was the problem and trying to fix myself. i didn't know who i was, or who i had just been, or who i would have to be the next day. what i did know was that i was determined, to make it good. yes i cried to everyone who would listen, but ~love is pain~. yes the pain was unfathomable, but i had been trained my whole life to endure it.

[donnabroadway]

Representation Matters

I believe one of the main reasons the mainstream natural hair movement lost momentum was the increased emphasis on inclusion, rather than true representation of all hair types. In my opinion, the 3a, 3b, and 3c natural hair types were heavily represented, but when women with tighter textures—such as 4a, 4b, and 4c—requested styles and techniques that suited their hair, they were met with what I believe was gaslighting. We were told that the same techniques and styles worked for everyone, and that it didn't work for us because we were doing it wrong. To make matters worse, instead of showcasing more women with tightly coiled hair, the focus shifted to featuring white women with type 2 hair. This felt insulting.

All we wanted were cute hairstyles for everyone, but many of the styles shown for type 4 hair felt reminiscent of childhood braids and twists. We wanted to know how to create twist-outs or braid-outs that actually worked for our hair, that made us feel like adults. Styles that we could comfortably wear into adult spaces such as work, social events, and date nights. Speaking from personal experience, I spent years twisting, braiding, LOC’ing, and curling, only to end up looking like a mix of Frederick Douglass and Krusty the Clown. This is likely one reason why many women have chosen to straighten their hair, loc it, or wear wigs instead. We never quite found our footing in the natural hair space. Rather than being accommodated, we were told we were the problem. So, we voted with our eyes and our dollars, choosing haircare methods that didn't involve relaxers.

Before Jackie Aina, there was very little unambiguous representation of Black women. Dark hair, dark eyes, brown skin—clearly the product of two African parents. For too long, our representation was defined by women whose Black heritage was not immediately obvious. Jackie Aina changed that. She didn’t just represent us—she boldly fought for our visibility. I applaud the work that figures like Golloria and makeup brands like Fenty have done to expand the range of available shades, but none of that would have been possible without Jackie Aina.

In the '80s, '90s, and early 2000s, makeup shades for melanated women were limited to maybe three or four options. I remember calling them "Black Girl 1" (a very fair brown), "Black Girl 2" (a tawny color), and the darkest shade, which was a golden brown—just a shade darker than the previous one. Unfortunately, none of these shades looked good on many Black women. Legend has it that NC45 by MAC was considered the "universal" shade for all darker-skinned people, which is likely why so many Black celebrities in the '80s and '90s appeared ashy: they were wearing makeup that didn’t match their complexion.

Jackie Aina was one of the only Black women doing makeup and hair tutorials in the early days of YouTube. There was also Andrea’s Choice, but she was fair-skinned, biracial, with auburn hair. She was a beautiful woman, but her makeup should not be touted as “universal.” What looks good on a fair-skinned woman with light eyes and hair may not look good on a darker-skinned woman with dark eyes and hair. Everything is not for everybody—and that’s okay.

There needs to be a return to thoughtful, discerning makeup choices. Stop trying to make every shade work for everyone. I believe one reason many of our elders, aside from religious beliefs, discouraged us from wearing makeup—particularly red lipstick—was because those shades weren’t made for darker skin tones and often made us look unnatural. There’s nothing worse than seeing a beautiful woman, of any shade or hue, wearing makeup or hair color that harshly contrasts with her natural features.

I remember in college, a very fair-skinned friend of mine dyed her hair jet black, and without prompting, I told her it was too dark for her complexion. I was called mean, but I believe I was right. She was a beautiful woman, but that dark color washed her out. Similarly, when I dyed my hair honey blonde, I immediately disliked it and went back to my natural color. Preferences matter, and there's nothing wrong with that.

One of the things I find frustrating about the newer generation on social media is their lack of appreciation for the pioneers who paved the way. I often see people in TikTok comments calling out Franchesca Ramsey, or Chescaleigh, who was a pioneer not only in the conscious comedy space but also one of the first to represent locs in the early 2010s. Her neatly styled locs challenged the stereotype that locs were dirty or messy. She made more women feel comfortable wearing loc’d hairstyles, to the point where many brides began opting for loc’d and natural styles on their wedding day, instead of the more socially acceptable straight hair styles.

There was also Joulezy, who started by doing hair tutorials for type 4 hair but eventually expanded into the commentary space. It angers and saddens me when I see her called elitist or a “yapper” by the younger generation. Joulezy brought Black girl and HBCU representation to the growing intellectual YouTube space, and her contributions shouldn't be dismissed.

I hate that representation and the opportunity for qualified people—regardless of their race or ethnicity—has become so politicized under the label of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion). One thing I’ve noticed as I move between social classes is that what children believe they can become is largely dictated by their environment and who they see in it. Seeing people who look like them doing things they never thought someone like them could do is incredibly important. Representation makes dreams that once seemed far off feel attainable, helping to turn them into a reality.

[thatcosplayblog]

Poison Ivy Cosplay tutorial by mod fear stirder. newbie to tumbles.

POSION IVY COSPLAY TUTORIAL by request of melody swan and Laly Palay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcneI2oiTbI&pp=ygUsYm9keSBzdXRpIHR1dG9yaWFsIGludmlzaWJsZSBza2luIHNwZWNpYWwgZng%3D This is a video on special effects woudsn which can help teach you to use liquid latex which you can use to sew or place or stick the leaves onto you using special fx spirit gum

Tight Bodysuti shapewear haul by youtuber Amouranth

How to color match a bodysuit

Teachingmensfashion the trick here is to get a skin tight body suit in green or sew a leotard or use special fx on plasties and spirit gum to hide your you know BOOBAGE and make it look veluntius. Its important given the science and psychology of it all you know your fashion.

Brands for contacts

Unsiquoe, honeycolor, and pinky paradise.

For small tykes, They can just pretend without all the exaggeration.

(kids) Leotard Mint Green [Leatard Butique] if the little girl is plus size order a few sizes up and tailor it.

Sleeveless Mock Neck Leotard

Kepblom Women's Sleeveless Shiny Metallic Leotard

Sparkly Turtleneck Bodysuit (shiny off color) [amazon]

PLUS SIZE SOLID GREEN LEEATARD [shein so its delicate and you should order atleast 2 more items or you’ll get the last of the batch hence poor quality]

Full Bodysuit Womens Costume Without Hood Spandex Zentai Unitard Body Suit [recomended] [amazon]

PLus size seemels bodysuit

Petiet or curvy plain tiger bodysuit [s-xl so xs-m unless you have curves and are thin]

https://www.thecostumeking.com/skin-suit-green-adult-plus.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjw2qKmBhCfARIsAFy8buKOzNKJ43-kz1FFYIESqN5j7VflaBlvkxUu08r6Zd7hpLL6jdbkNpgaAlCVEALw_wcB 47

LEAVES:

You want to look at arts and crafts stores or small indie brands like etsy that sell loose leaves, real or imagined just make sure its not actually posion ivy and or plastic, and you’ll go great.

Bitterleaf, onugbu, ewuro,shuwaka,ndoleh, Cây Mật Gấu Leaves-Fresh farm vegetable you want to loko up art supplies with this or buy a plant and after 3 months chop it up to preserve the environment.

A Box of Fresh Bitter Leaves - Vernonia Amygdalina, Ewuro, Etidot, Onugbu, Ityuna, Oriwo, Kongo bololo Som eof these are real so look for plastic alternatives. This is like for an artsy photo shoot.but you can preserves them with light wax. Look up how to do that or you’re screwed.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1383698931/faux-magnolia-leaves-pack-of-24?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=loose+leaf+pack+craft+supplies&ref=sc_gallery-1-15&plkey=27736d64758893ff44045fe21e195cc22877fc61%3A1383698931’ leaves!

these are more of a prop but acrylic leavse [amazon]

You may have to repaint these but these [amazon]

Cat suits are great for some versions of posion ivy you just have to paint your skin green. Which needs white undertones or it looks shiny. The idea is to paint your skin green, to match the body suti with some kind of neck wear.

This search bar WIGS

A good wig is going to cost you at minum 40-50$ a really good one 60-90$ wigs have a life span of 3 months with bad care to 3 years with good hair to 30 years if sprayed and tanaegntted. Most people dont know drag that well though. Curly wigs are naturally tangented. They just have to be reastyleed from time to time to preserve them during that 30years. Wigsisfashion is my favorite brand and the most high end i have.

Quality review but not showcased.

Wig styling example [cc]

Wig examples of variety of quality as well.

Recomended wig [wig wavy lacefront ginger]

Maroon red wig [for alts of posion ivy] Red head with umph [wigsisfashion[

SKIN

Airbrush skin tutorials [recomended]

Makeup tutorial marcline it takes a few tries but do it with white and grey

Green makeup tutorial just add white powder as setting to make it less shiny or add white undertones when contouring

Recomned [posion ivy makeup tutorial] youtube madeywork

Poison ivy makeup tutorial also glue leaves to a bral and thread it like its a rope stick the rope with special effects across your body and add arm socks and your godo to go

Poison ivy makeup tutorial [for teh leaves]

Poison ivy makeup tutorial [best!]

MISC

Diy poison ivy costume AMber sholi

Shapewear tutorial

Shape wear

[3liza]

talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way. 

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were “normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems. 

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character. 

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with. 

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

[morgana-ren]

Pale Imitation

The front page of any porn site is always a marriage of humorous and disturbing, but he can honestly say he wasn’t expecting to see his name at the top of any list that had a direct connection to satiating someone’s libido, yet there it was, plain as day on the top ten.

He didn’t think of himself as particularly narcissistic, but this he had to see.

Rating: E

Warnings: Porn, Masturbation, Yandere, Stalker Shigaraki, Shigaraki is a total creep, Rough sex, Noncon Fantasy/Roleplay

Preemptive Note: Before you continue I just want to note: I'm not a sex worker but I have nothing but the highest regard and respect for them. What ensues in this story is pure kink and fantasy and is not meant to reinforce any harmful/mean stereotypes what so ever. My personal fantasy is degradation and I can't really seem to get off without it so it's a majority of what I write, but I swear to you it was not written with the intent to insult or hurt anyone in the profession! I realize the hardships endured by the men/women/NB/GN in the adult sex work profession and this is just intended to be a pure sexual fantasy and is by no means attempting to reinforce or normalize toxic behaviors in the workplace.

Bad wig? Check .

Poor voice imitation? Check .

Shoddy, unsealed makeup that sloughs off onto the unfortunate scene partner’s skin? Check .

All the tell-tale signs of a bad porno but with one distinct peculiarity that drew his interest.

You know, this certainly wasn’t what he was expecting to see when he settled in for his first nightly wank. The front page of any porn site is always a marriage of humorous and disturbing, but he can honestly say he wasn’t expecting to see his name at the top of any list that had a direct connection to satiating someone’s libido, yet there it was, plain as day on the top ten.

He’s no stranger to the villain kink page. Tons of civilians indulged in their darker fantasies through their nighttime excursions below their pantyline, and being a villain himself, naturally he was curious. Most of it is about what he’d expect. Villains, ancient and new, participating in copulation of all sorts. Some of it is that extremely out of character slow and romantic pornography. Other times, strangely enough, it’s the villains themselves getting taken advantage of. Sometimes by heroes, other times by random people, objects, or even tentacles. It’s interesting, to say the least.

Him though? He’d never seen himself in one, let alone being featured on the front page.

Up until recently, the media and all it’s sinful offshoots had opted to ignore him. However, his recent exploits must’ve caught the attention of the general public, and alongside it, the licentious denizens that dwell within. There had been a few forum posts, a little fan art (most of it flattering), and even a few oddly obsessive fangirls he’d come across. But this? Oh, now this was a whole new caliber.

He didn’t think of himself as particularly narcissistic, but this he had to see.

The guy they’d hired to play him was naturally a flat disappointment; Too bulky, and way too short. He could tell there was a classically handsome man underneath all that poorly done makeup that was meant to make him look pallid and dry. A sad, pathetic, and pale imitation of the real thing, missing some of his scars and moles entirely. The ashy gray wig they used to try to mimic his shaggy, unkempt hair had an awkward cowlick and kept flopping down too far on the actor’s forehead and looked far more dead than even his own unwashed mop. The voice he was using to mimic him was strained and scratchy, far too forced to be comfortable or even remotely realistic. If he had to place it, it sounded like the guy already had a terribly sore throat and had continued yelling for several hours to achieve the ‘desired’ effect.

He hadn’t expected much, but it was still disappointing. Though to be fair, they nailed the clothing, minus the brand of shoes he wears and the exact coat he’d chosen as his signature.

A part of him was ready to shut it off. Whatever lies ahead could only be utterly insulting, right? This grotesque pastiche lifelessly parroting his mannerisms was already curbing his sexual appetite toward something more violent, and not in the way he liked. Yet, out of sheer curiosity, he kept watching. What exactly did the average screenwriting porn cinematographer think he was into anyway?

It was a little ambiguous at first. At least until the shaky camera followed the Walmart brand Shigaraki knock-off down a generic hallway and into a borderline barren room, bringing into frame a quaking young woman tied up on a filthy mattress. After that, it became very quickly apparent just what type of smut he’d stumbled onto.

The camera zooms in on her face, tears leaking from her eyes and leaving trails of thick black makeup and mascara trailing down her cheeks, her begging and pleading muffled by a rag hastily stuffed in her mouth and secured with what appeared to be a bandana tied around her head. She’s clad in nothing but a flimsy tank top with the straps yanked down over her shoulders and a small pair of lace panties, covered in what appears to be made up lacerations and fake bruising. A nice touch, he notes.

He’ll admit, he’s intrigued now. It looks like they got one thing about him right, perhaps two now that he inspects the adult actress hired to play his unfortunate victim. She’s flattering, far more flattering than he expected given the low budget circumstances. Her watery eyes and quaking body coupled with the slight rope burn embedding into her chafing skin is enough to get his legs stirring and his pants tightening. She looks so pretty, so vulnerable behind all the waterworks and thick stage makeup. He thinks, just maybe, he might be able to get into this if he hyper focuses on her.

As his imposter approaches, she pushes her bound legs out, squishing herself back against the wall and as far away as she can manage from the threat encroaching on her personal space.

“Heroes can’t save you now.”

The shallow mockery of his voice grates at his ears, but he’ll admit the comment is on brand. The actor harshly yanks the bandana out of the woman’s mouth, her pouty lips trembling as she begins to grovel, blinking more tears down her swollen cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry! Please just let me go! I won’t tell anyone anything!”

All things considered, she’s convincing enough to get his blood pumping. Tomura readjusts himself in his chair, reaching his hands beneath the band of his sweatpants. If he can ignore her counterpart, he thinks watching her squirm and squeal will get him off. After all, it’s supposed to be ‘him’ violating this cute girl. Maybe if he defocuses his eyes enough, he can pretend it really is.

“I’m going to show you how much of a villain I really am!”

Ugh . Whoever wrote this dialogue clearly had never met him, or probably any real villain for that matter. It’s enough to make him want to retch, but the feel of his own hand on his cock and the soft whimpering of the actress  as the villain stand-in strips off his coat brings him back and makes him throb. The camera moves in to offer her a close up, face dropping and eyes widening in horror as she comes to the “realization” of what he means.

“No! Please! Anything but that!”

She kicks at him, trying to fend him off with bound limbs as he crawls over her onto the bed. A harsh slap to the side of her cheek is enough to quiet her down and allow the assailant to cage her to the bed with one hand, the other clumsily fumbling with the buttons of his jeans. After he shimmies his ill fitting skinny jeans down his thighs, she looks at him with eyes widened in horror, shaking her head erratically.

“No! Please Mister Shigaraki, it’s too big! It won’t fit!”

A hand far too burly to be his wraps around her neck, pointer finger plucked awkwardly upward. “Quiet! You’re my prisoner and you’ll do as I say!”

Just ignore it.

The free hand goes to grab at her tank top, a brief but noticeable pause in the filming leaves her topless with stage prop ash sprinkled along her torso, the ropes around her wiggling legs conveniently gone now. While the cinematic effect was laughably bad, Tomura can’t bring himself to care. Not when her tits are now on display for him to ogle.

Chest bare and heaving, perfect nipples perked to attention just for him. Smooth, creamy skin goose pimpled and tender, so tempting that he's aching to feel her. A quick swipe of his thumb over his sensitive, spongy tip elicits a rumbled groan from deep in his chest. It’s easier now to ignore the shitty portrayal of himself, especially when he can lose himself to the throes of lust and pretend that it actually is his hands wrapped around her little throat, other fingers drifting lower and lower down her trembling belly.

A quick hook around the seam of her panties and they’re ripped clean from her hips, legs splayed and leaving her pussy center frame, already wet and glistening. He swallows hard, the sight enough to make him salivate. She fumbles around beneath him, desperate to buck him off, but it’s to no avail. Fingers, his fingers, tease the entrance to her tight little hole, slipping one finger, and then two inside, oscillating in and out preparing her to take all of him. Just like she said, he’s so big. He doesn’t want to hurt her, not like that.

After that, it’s all too easy for him to slip into his fantasy. He strokes his cock in tandem with the pumping of the fingers, pausing only briefly as the girl mewls as the fingers slip out and the tip of his cock is aligned with her little entrance. He pistons his own hips as it slams inside, head reeling back on the edge of his chair.

The high pitched whine that escapes her throat as the fake buries himself deep inside has him biting his lip, slowing his hand by force on his shaft. Fuck, even her moans are hot. Her bouncing tits and staggered breathing as his imposter rails into her has him enraptured. The subtle way she leans into the hand on her throat, back arched off the filthy mattress, face expressing clear distress but body betraying her clever act.

It matters little that she’s being paid to partake in the scene with ‘him’. The fact she was open to it says more than he could have hoped to know, and clearly she’s enjoying the treatment. His hazy eyes focus in on her face, working his hand harder with every little nuance she gifts him. The twitch of arms as her nails imbed themselves into her palms, the parting of her moist lips. He’d be willing to bet her tongue could work magic, taking him all the way to the back of her throat. God, she’d look so cute like that. Hands tied behind her back, a sloppy, drooling mess around his dick.

“S-Shigaraki! You’re too rough!”

The hand clamped around her throat tightens, her final word more of a croak.

“You like it, you little slut!”

At least there’s one thing him and this mediocre porn actor can agree on; she certainly does like it. Rolling her hips against him and wailing in a way that has him wonderfully immersed in his fantasy. Hearing his name on those sighs only strengthen his hold, he can practically feel the warmth of her skin, indulge himself in the wet, clenching tightness of her cunt.

It’s fucking insulting that this trash gets to wear his skin, steal his countenance to fuck her. It should be him. If this whelp could get her all hot and bothered, just imagining what the real thing could do sends the remaining blood reserves rushing between his thighs, prick pulsing even harder in his palm. Yeah, he could get this little bitch squealing. She’d fucking like it too, judging by the look on her face as she gets plowed by a man wearing his visage.

Oh, he’d make her scream. Leave real bruising in place of that cheap costume makeup they’d so lazily applied to her naked form. Truth be told, the video itself was rather boring. He’d only kept watching because of how enraptured he was with the little witch being stuffed full of cock by his imitation. He’d never really been taken with an adult actress before but this one? Oh yes, he could really get into her.

He wasn’t sure what it was about her. So pretty to him, so deliciously pliable, so completely worked up about a villain using her as a toy, pumping in and out of her warm little pussy until he fills her with his hot cum and she’s overflowing with every fluid thrust. Sweet, sensitive neck exposed just for him to bite and abuse. Face stained with tears, puffy cheeks just aching to be squeezed and smacked. Probably tastes like rapture, eager to swallow whatever he decides to spill into her mouth.

And she could take it. He just knows it. Bent over for him, any hole he pleases free for him to use, hand-shaped welts raising on the swell of her ass. Fingers fisting her hair and arching that cute face back to look directly at him as he spits between her open and waiting lips. She’d swallow it like a good girl, just like a good girl, he knows she would.

He works himself faster, his own breathy whines joining the cacophony of licentiousness that echoes in his eardrums. His imagination shifts into overdrive, clumsy, irregular strokes of his hand tenting and deflating the crotch of his sweats. Soft, pillowy tits bulging through his fingertips as he kneads them, sucking on those tender nipples until they harden just for him. Fucking her mouth until her lips are swollen and red, face covered in a mixture of drool and cum with lipstick smeared around her cheeks. Legs locked around his narrow waist as he slams into her repeatedly, chanting his name and begging him incoherently not to stop, never to stop.

“P-please don’t cum inside me! Please- I-“

Oh, he’d cum deep inside. He’ll cum anywhere he wants on his little whore until it’s slick and dripping. He’ll tie her up, smudging it across her broken expression and let it dry nice and thick. Slip his cum covered thumb into her mouth and then ignore her until her thighs are grinding together and she’s begging for his thick cock again, any way he wants her.

Fuck- fuck she’d love it too. Ride him until each slap of her ass on his bony hips made his cock punch hard against her cervix, crying in pleasure and pain but never stopping until he allowed her. Dig his nails into her back, his teeth into her flesh and mark her up real good, let everyone who sees her know just what she’s been up to with him-

“Shigaraki! Fuck! Shi-Shigaraki!”

His name spills from her lips in a needy sob, voice cracking and so utterly genuine that it sends him over the edge. His cock throbs and stutters in his hand, shooting jets of sticky white seed all over the inside of his black sweat pants and staining his fingers. His entire body shudders, legs stiffening and balls tightening and clenching as his cum spills in fat ropes across the fabric. Try as he might to focus on her face as she cums for him, he simply can’t, eyes slamming shut and mouth left agape as a strangled cry erupts from his throat.

He gives a few subconscious pumps into his hand as searing pleasure crackles through his body, toes curling in his shoes as his lower body lifts off the chair to chase his high. Millions of images flash across his mind, the foremost of which is her, greedy eyes hungry for pleasure only he can give her, silky cunt milking him eagerly. A jagged tooth bites a little too hard into his blistered lip, enough to crack it open but he’s too submerged in bliss to notice. The only thing he can feel is her.

His thighs tremble as his body falls back down into the worn computer chair, orgasm leaving his entire body feeling weak and drained.  His breath comes in heaves, gulping down air as he tries his best to shake off the residual searing pleasure so hot it almost hurts. Overstimulation looms on the horizon and his heavy eyes drift open, feeling so drowsy now he can hardly keep them apart. The orange bar at the bottom of the video is all the way to the right, the video having concluded itself.

He’s never cum so hard in his life.

Her name. He needed to know her name. He needed to know everything .

He doesn’t bother reaching for the tissues. He simply withdraws his hand from his waistband, wiping his mess onto the knee of his pant leg before grabbing his mouse and scouring the page for any crumb of information he can find. The comments, while amusing, are hardly helpful.

So hot xx thanks

Who’s the guy even supposed to be?

This babe is so hot, luv her stuff everytime

Yall r gunna get rekt when he sees this shit lol

any sexy girls wanna reenact this with me? Hmu

I’m a girl and I love this!

Wish he’d do that to me <.<

He’d dwell on all of that later. For now, he settles for a quick search through the uploader’s account. It’s a small studio, only a few films out to date, most of which revolve around taboo relationships between villains and society. Following a hyperlink to their main website leads him to bio, complete with her stage name and picture, and even another link leading to an interview with a small time adult magazine, an article called “Cum to the Dark Side” that he bookmarks for later reading.

Even post-cum, she’s just as beautiful. Enchanting, sultry smile and cheeky little expression in her picture. Maybe it’s fate that he stumbled upon her. Maybe she really was just that good at acting and she didn’t have a thing for him at all. Either way, he wants some time with the talent. For research, of course.

Her personal details, as expected, are hidden. They go the lengths to protect their employees it seems. What isn’t hidden, however, is the studio’s number.

He thinks he can work with that.

[ask-2p-hetaliaaa]

What would the 2ps do as youtubers?

2ps as youtubers:

Allen: Would be one of those fake ghost hunters that makes it onto Nuke's Top 5s.

"GUYS, GUYS, OHHH MYYY GODDD GUYYSSS,..... I THINK THAT WAS THE GHOOOSSTTT?? *pans to matt in a white sheet*"

Matt: Would upload funny out-of-context 5 second clips of his friends every 7 months. Gained popularity as a "top ironic humor figure"

Francois: His whole gimmick is staring into the camera for minutes on end without talking. People use him in reaction memes.

Oliver: Makes cooking videos, but in the style of Ted Nivision and twomad thanks to Allen's help with editing. Sometimes he swears in his videos, and when he does, his loyal following goes INSANE in the comments

Viktor: Makes audiobooks that peoples use as asmr to sleep. People who like Russian accents often flock to his videos as well

Xiao: Makes weed and vape reviews and 'hot boxes'; he collabs with matty smokes.

"WE'RE ABOUT TO HIT A FUCKIN OVER 9000 UHHHH DECIMIBITEABLES PUFF *coughing and gagging in mandarin*"

Luciano: Makes reviews of movies and games that have mafias and gangs. Is absolutely brutal in these critiques.

Flavio: Does makeup tutorials, fashion showcases, shopping vlogs, etc. Would basically be like the Lunch Club if it were full of drag queens

Lutz: Makes really obnoxious yet entertaining vlogs doing stupid shit around his country. Says offensive shit in a joking way that everyone is fine with. Has probably held illegal meetups in a mcdonalds

Kuro: "extreme japanese apoligizing" - makes videos along the lines of that, basically clowning on his own culture. occasionally makes anime reviews.

Gillen: Makes gaming videos out of his twitch streams. Sometimes Roland will just be walking in the background and go "Hi!!" and the chat will not shut up about him for next 2 minutes

Roland: He's like Sam O Nella Academy but Austrian- He'll mainly make parody videos of ww1 and ww2 because we all know the funny ww1 and 2 austria jokes. Since he can play guitar, he adds bits inspired by bill wurtz that are just jingles, ends up being used in memes

Andres: Uploads pirated, obscure Spanish music with blank descriptions and no other context

Egil: twomad videos, basically. everything he posts feels like adhd personified, at random points the video will go 200x speed and back to normal its chaotic

Loki: Is a prank channel, but actually funny because his pranks are "lets set shit on fire until the police get involved"

Denmark: His gimmick is making fun of Francois and trying to beat him in subscribers, but Francois doesn't even know he has a channel. People meme in a bad way like "look at this dumbass"

Bernard: Makes commentary videos like Memeulous and James Marriott, has an ongoing joke of making fun of the 1ps (in a friendly way). at random points a picture of Berwald will pop up with the vine boom sound effect

Thurston: Screams into his camera about things that make him mad, a bunch of teenage girls stan him because they think he's hot and relatable. He then made a video screaming about how much he hates his fanbase, which didn't help at all. It only attracted Bernard's fans who clowned on him

Hermes: Makes videos explaining the lore of Greek Mythology, in a girl-talk sort of way. He tried making true crime videos but kept putting his opinions in which nearly got him canceled.

Caligula: Too old to use youtube. Only has an account to like Luciano's videos.

Germania: Also too old to use youtube. But he does comment on the germanic countries videos with things like "LETS FUCKING GOOO"; has become the Justin Y. of 2p comment sections

Leonas and Franciszek: Have a couples channel that people HATE because they act so fake that it's dreadfully annoying. Has had videos made about them by Bernard, Lutz and Flavio

Anastasia: Makes videos about self-care for both men and women, similar to channels like Sexplanations. Also makes videos teaching young adults to cook simple meals, how to do unique hairstyles using wigs of different lengths and textures, how to have a clean house (making beds, doing laundry, organizing cabinets and fridges), etc. Has a large following of people who genuinely appreciate her work and motivation

Katya: Uploads vertical phone videos of her at casinos drinking champagne, playing darts, winning slot machines, etc

Egor: Similar to SomeOrdinaryGamers. Browses the deep web on his AmogOS system he made.

Raimonds: Viktor doesn't allow him to have a youtube channel

Paul: Takes videos of him rolling down hills and making fun of people at his school. Luckily doesn't gain much traction because people would definitely cyber bully him. Most of the adult 2ps have an agreement to not mention him in their videos lest their followers go after him

Wy: Takes behind the scenes videos of Oliver's videos; Her following is basically just Oliver's following who think she's his daughter (she's not) (This rumor caused a huge scandal within the Ollie simping twitter community)

Romeo: Doesn't have youtube, has TikTok and makes shitty e-boy thirst traps and POVs. Bernard wears his merch as satire in his videos.

[incorrectsnkships]

OKAY OKAY OKAY! I CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION LAST FUCKING NIGHT! CONNIE THE MOTHERFUCKING SPRINGER IS GAY!

So at first I just thought he was a really confident and comfortable heterosexual, y'know? BUT NOW! NOW!? oh no, no, no!

Reason numbrero uno! He has feminine hips. Straight boys don't strut like that, straight boys don't fucking be flexible like that.

Reason numbrero duex! He says bitch waaay to much. So if you don't know the history of the word bitch, bitch was also used a a gay slur for y'know twinks. You don't see Jean or Levi OR EVEN EREN going around going bitch, bitch, bitch, fucking crazy bitches. Sure maybe once in awhile, but Connie use it like a sister y'know?

Reason numbrero drei! Look at who the fucking hell he's hanging 'round with! Ymir; the fucking bitch lesbian. Christa/Historia; the lesbian or bi girl dude. He's the fucking second lesbian protector (next to Eren). You see that gay ass gay homie grab in like what season 3? Or was it 2? He's friends with Sasha, who does she hang out with most of the time!? Ymir and Historia! Sometimes Jean and Mikasa. Speaking of Jean, he ain't sleek either! Connie hanging 'round with a fucking bi-saster a bi disaster! Not to mention Reiner and Armin! We see him worry about Reiner and Bertholdt when they “missing” asking someone to check on them to see if there alive! Man looking out for his gay homies! Also in one of the games he asks Armin why he spends so much time with Eren, to which Armin shoots back with one of the most gay awakening responses, “Hm well what about Ymir and Historia, or Reiner and Bertholdt?” Like yo.

Reason numbrero shi! He mom picks out gay ass fucking names! Sunny, Martin, Connie. Fucking gay dude. (everyone seems to think Sunny is a girl but judging by there titans I actually think Sunny was a boy dude. That’s just a hunch tho~)

Reason numbrero five! He seems like the kinda guy who would wear jewelry. Not really necessarily gay BUt~ I think earrings would so be he thing, and if he we’re to come out he’d probably start wearing one earring!

Reason numbrero six! Look at the kind of shit this man does! He fucking carried Armin princess style, put him down like a prince, bruh he fucking CHOSE to he CHOSE to. He knew what he was doing. And that one official art where he’s wearing that blonde lopsided wig with makeup on. That dress with the fake boobs in it!

Reason numbrero 7! My mama always say, that if a boy is best friends with a girl he will almost always usually fall for her. Connie is close as HELL with Sasha. And while I LOVE springles. This know discovery is D A W N I N G on me! Connie don’t really seem to show that much interest in women. But not necessarily to men either. And that factor being. I think bby Connie is shy!

Overall I think he’s a great fucking character! I love Connie, but this just made me open a whole new chapter for him. I’m currently rewatching AOT with my mom ‘cause she done wanted to watch it and I couldn’t let her watch that cringey dub so yee. I’ll be paying attention for other Easter eggs and clues. I never researched Connie to much but now that I have I’m made some pretty interesting discoveries! In conclusion Connie Springer is probably fucking gay. SO in other words you were RIGHT! ATTACK ON TITAN IS FUCKING GAY! 😍

( j u s t l i k e m e l o l )

srry for the late reply, but you’ve actually convinced me

mans comes across heterosexual but he definitely had a crush on every single male member of the 104th. literally every one. and like many others, one of the older scouts was his gay awakening. and im not saying that connie had a crush on them or anything, and this is definitely not a ship post between connie and any adult in the show, but im just saying that he admired them. a lot. too much. and had to look away when they got changed in front of him.

“connie why do you offer to go kill titans with captain levi whenever we have a mission?”

“i admire his skills!”

“connie, you do realise that erwin doesn’t have time to have tea with you right?”

“no i know i just wanted to talk about stuff with him. professional stuff. as a soldier.”

“connie, you know that moblit doesn’t need an assistant right? he is the assistant”

“WELL SUE ME FOR WANTING TO BE HELPFUL JEAN-“

he’d simp for armin so hard. every week he has a crush on someone new, and then it goes in a loop. and he’d “practice” kissing too. like he’d occasionally bring the topic up in conversation and then go from there based off of the persons reply. “hey uh, jean, so like- have you had your first kiss yet?” and then jean would tell him no and connie would go full internal gay panic. “o- oh yeah, thas- thas cool, um, well, i havent- had mine either so like- would you wanna practice? it doesn’t count-“

connie would have his first everything with jean and it would be so funny because it just happens all at once. like hed get asked if hes ever kissed someone and hed just glare at jean and be so flustered

connie finds it so difficult to tell romantic and platonic feelings apart and thats why hes fallen for all of his friends

armin: oh, connie, thanks for doing that favour for me! i dont know what id do without you!

eren: wait! hurry, where do they keep the extra blades?!

connie: in the cellar!

eren: great- connie, i love you!

marco: see connie? if you just fold the paper a little more, youll get there :) youre a pleasure to teach and i love spending time with you :)

also why do i feel like connie and marco dated for a little while? not even dated then, had a thing going on for a bit. like besides from jean because he doesnt count, but connies first romantic encounter was with marco, fight me

and i definitely feel like connie went to hange for some advice about his sexuality. he was so confused and liking everyone at the same time, so who else better to go to than the person who tried to convince erwin to start an lgbtq+ youth club right?

but when eren and armin announced that they were officially dating, that was an eye opener for connie and it made him realise that its okay to be yourself

and it took him a while to actually realise that he was gay. hence the fact that hed physically gag whenever someone suggested for him to date sasha, and all those times in the boys changing room that hed have to turn around or leave completely

so yes, i can see where youre coming from, and i agree with you. but if we were to list the people connie has simped for from most-least?

marco

armin

jean

eren

levi (not really simping, more fanboying/celebrity crush)

reiner

moblit (same as levi)

bertholdt

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Zombie Girl

Steve Rogers x Reader, Halloween AU

Warning: cursing

A/N: This is an art swap for @gaphra​

Summary: Steve goes to a Halloween party & meets a zombie girl.

The streets were lined with trick or treaters; kids with their parents, teenagers with friends and young adults half-assed dressed up in costumes, no doubt on their way to a party. He felt a little judgmental considering he was in fact doing the same- including the half-assed costume. His friends Natasha and Bucky were throwing a Halloween party at their new place and insisted that he come dressed up. Not one to really dress up, he usually spent Halloween on the couch watching episodes of the Twilight zone. He went to all the specialty stores around the city. With no luck, he searched in his closet and came up with the perfect costume - Mr. Rogers. It was easy, some nice pair of khakis and an oversized comfy green sweater. Admittedly, he looked like a father of two but at least he had a costume on. 

When he got to the correct street, it didn’t take long to find out which house belonged to his pals; music was blaring from an open window and the front door was slightly ajar. Walking up the stoop, he let himself in and noticed right away how crowded the place was. He didn’t even realize Bucky and Nat knew this many people but he saw a few familiar places from the office. Immediately, Steve ventured over to say hello, greeting a few friends before finally running into Bucky. His best friend was dressed like Westley from Princess Bride, all smiles as he hugged Steve, asking him where his costume was.

“I’m wearing it, I’m Mr. Rogers,” he explained much to his friend’s dismay. 

“At least you tried.”

Steve laughed at Bucky’s blatant disapproval and asked if he could get a beer. The two men made their way to the back of the kitchen, Steve immediately noticed the blond at the kitchen island refilling a bowl of chips. It seemed the his friends had opted for a couple’s costume because Natasha was dressed as Buttercup - long wing and all. She smiled at first but once she was able to get a good look at Steve, her face fell. 

“It’s a costume party, Steven.”

“He’s Mr. Rogers,” Bucky rolled his eyes and made his way to his girlfriend, kissing her on the head before taking over chip duty. “Where’s Y/N? I wanna introduce Steve to her.”

Steve inhaled deeply and tried to manage a smile - yet another woman Bucky wanted him to meet, he knew it was coming from a place of love but he was getting tired of it. None of the women he met so far clicked with him; they were all lovely but there wasn’t a spark. Call him old fashioned but there was something about having a connection that attracted him the most. 

“Last time I saw her, she was scaring children in the back alley with Clint,” she grinned, pointing to a bowl of candy near the chips. “I think they need a refill, been out there most of the night.”

This made Steve laugh, feeling a little intrigued he followed Bucky through the house out to the backyard. The backyard had a back fence that led to the alley, where a handful of trick or treaters were passing by. Steve walked with the bowl of candy next to Bucky, the fence was open and Clint leaned up against it. 

“Barton, yo guys done scaring kids?”

Clint, who Steve knew through Nat, looked up and grinned. “I’m not doing any of the scaring.”

Steve and Clint, who was dressed up as Han Solo, greeted each other with pats on the shoulder. “Nat said you might need more candy.”

“Oh, good. I’ve been giving too much away,” Clint admitted, nodding over to his left. Steve peeked out passed the gate and saw a shadowy figure hunched behind Bucky’s car in the back driveway. “She’s really enjoying the whole scaring bit, I’m surprised you haven’t heard the screams from the house.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, trying to get a look at the figure but a group of trick or treaters came marching down the alley and Clint straightened up and laughed. “Watch this shit.”

Bucky leaned forward to get a look as the group came closer to the car, the three men attempted to look nonchalant as the group approached the house. All three of them  waited in anticipation, closer and closer the group got and when they were right in front of the car, the figure stepped out and shouted. The kids screamed and raced forward as their parents laughed, shouting for them to slow down. Steve immediately stepped forward and beckoned them over to get candy; the children were breathless but most were laughing as they thanked him for the treat. 

He wished them a goodnight, nodding to their parents as the notorious tricker showed their face. You rushed over to the three men, Steve could see why the kids were scared. You were dressed in a pink pj set with a dirty robe and white bunny slippers; you were carrying a stuffed bear, a blond wig on top of your head and the most detailed and terrifying zombie makeup around your mouth. Under the moonlight, it looked like your skin was ripped from your mouth area and the smile on your face made it more unsettling.

“I think I need a beer,” you declared, plucking a candy from the bowl Steve was holding. 

“So you’re done terrorizing the children for the night?”

You glanced over at Bucky as you popped the bite size candy in your mouth and shrugged. “For now, my vocal chords need a break.”

“For what it’s worth, you do look pretty scary,” Steve insisted. Turning your attention to him, you eyed his costume and frowned a little. Sensing your confusion, he scratched the back of his head and explained who he was. “Well, I guess I’d be the other Mr., Rogers.”

Your brows furrowed and Bucky laughed. “Sorry, Steve this is Y/N, Y/N’s known Nat since childhood.”

Steve held out his hand and you took it, giving it a rough shake. “Steve Rogers? I guess I can understand the costume now.”

He smiled. “And you’re a zombie.”

“I’m the zombie child from Walking Dead, first episode.”

“That's oddly specific,” he teased and you grinned, watching as Bucky whistled for Clint to follow him back to the house. Steve glanced as the pair started to walk away but turned back to you.

“Well, it would make sense if I had someone dressed as Rick Grimes with me but we can’t always get what we want,” you shrugged, snatching another candy from the bowl. “It’s still better than coming to a Halloween party dressed like the nicest guy to ever exist. No offense, of course.”

Steve blushed, eyes trying their best to not look away. It was odd because even underneath the zombie make up and bloodied clothes, he could see your smile and the relaxation in your eyes. He held out the bowl and offered you more candy, but when you reached for it, he quickly snatched it away. “You know what you have to say.”

Your eyes narrowed but your mouth turned up a wide smile, rolling your eyes in false annoyance you shouted, “Trick or treat!”

Voice booming loud, Steve couldn’t help but laugh and offer up the entire bowl. “I think you deserve it.”

Grabbing it, you started to walk off towards the house, grinning to yourself when you heard Steve shuffling behind to catch up. He quickly caught up to you and asked if you wanted a beer. “I hardly know anyone in there…”

“You know me now.”

Walking up the steps back to the house, Steve opened the door for you but you stopped and gave him a once over. His blue eyes stared back, anticipating what you were going to say next; feeling his heart beating a little faster than usual. Huh, he thought to himself as you smiled at him, I never thought I’d have chemistry with a zombie girl. 

“You know, you’d make a great Rick Grimes,” you said as you walked past him back into the house. “Just saying…”

Unable to control the muscles on his face, Steve looked down to the floor and smiled before looking back up to where you stood, waiting for him. He had to admit, you looked terrifyingly cute in your costume and while he was curious to see how you looked without the makeup, the connection he felt with you was enough. Even if it was merely a ten minute interaction, he felt a spark - something he hadn’t felt with another person in a long time, and he was not going to miss out. “You think so?” 

Nodding, you asked him about the beer. “We can drink in the corner and judge everyone’s costume, someone has to have a lamer costume than you.”

Laughing, Steve gave you a smile that had your zombie heart beating again. “Sounds great.”

[junkyard-gifs]

Just a bunch of half-naked swing cats hanging out in the vocal booth, nothing to see here...

Generally speaking in UK tours, the swing costumes are a more generic version of the kinds of roles a person covers. Babygriz and chorus Deut are used as swing costumes, and the other swings are usually just mix-and-matching wigs and unitards from different characters, with less distinctive makeup. (Victor, Electra, and/or George are sometimes swings too, with their own unique designs.)

In this photo they’ve conveniently arranged themselves from ‘kitten/dance-heavy/acrobatic’ in the middle, moving outward through ‘adult/principal’ roles, to ‘older/most vocal’ at the back.

This is from the 2008 UK tour, hence the rare appearance of Daymon Montaigne-Jones (the Most Naked one) as a swing instead of Tumblebrutus/Bill Bailey, which was a role he played for most of his Cats career. He’s wearing a Bill Bailey unitard and a Carbuckety wig, and his makeup doesn’t have the eye patch of either boy.

Similarly, Pepe Munoz behind him is wearing a costume that’s a blend of Alonzo, Munkustrap/Victor, and Admetus: Alonzo wig, Admetus unitard, symmetrical unremarkable makeup on a grey base instead of Alonzo’s stark black and white. (And, for some reason, an arm warmer. While topless. Pepe why.) He covered Admetus, Alonzo, and Tugger.

Behind him is, presumably, Barry Haywood, who covered Deut and Gus/Bustopher: he’s wearing Deuteronomy’s chorus outfit.

Emily Anderson is the woman in the front beside Daymon, wearing a Tantomile unitard and Jemima wig and makeup.

The two women must be Louise Perez (the other Jemima costume, covering principals like Deme, Bomba, and Teazer) and Laura Darkins (Babygriz costume, covering Jenny, Jelly, and Griz).

[radsplain]

All you radfems constantly shitting on trans people like you have nothing better to do in your life. Like. Have you ever even taken a minute to try to realize what it feels like to feel like your own body is wrong and awful and disgusting and you can’t stand another minute trapped in it? To starve yourself until you’re underweight just because that way you look less curvy and your breasts are smaller and you’re less feminine? To feel like you want to take a knife and cut off the parts of your body that you can’t stand to look at? Using drugs to cope with dysphoria and make your brain finally shut up? Feeling so completely isolated because no one in your life understand what it’s like to feel this way? Not being sure about any of the decisions because despite any surgery and hormone therapy in the world, you will still never be a *real* person of the other sex? As if the waiting lists aren’t months to years long anyway. You all talk like you can bring a child to a clinic and they’ll get hormones the next day. When in reality even for adults the process consists of visiting multiple mental health professionals, multiple doctors, it can all take years before you even get to start taking them? And also how it feels like having to hide your feelings from everybody because even your own family would be disgusted by you? You all act like trans people are just straight white males whose entire transition process consists of makeup and dresses and wigs and out of a desire to harass women. And yeah, those people exist. But not everyone is like that. The majority, who actually has a life outside of Twitter, isn’t like that. Not everyone is quite literally willingly letting their bodies be mutilated just to achieve what, flashing your genitals to a kid in a public bathroom? Real life is not like that at all. You’re so uneducated and naive on this topic yet talk like you’ know everything. Trans women are evil predators and trans men are poor victims of the manipulation and propaganda. Literally just read one actual trans person’s description of their life. And honestly fuck those tiktok kids inventing new genders because they want attention because you know that’s not what I’m talking about so don’t even try to use it as a talking point. There’s a fucking difference between dying your hair blue and wearing horrible “alt” clothes and going by she/they just because all your friends are doing so, and someone who has spent their entire life wishing they were born as a different sex and already showing it as a child but no one bothered to ever pay attention because kids are just quirky and weird like that. And never paying any attention to it in the rest of childhood and adolescence either, because why deal with a problem when you can easily ignore it? And yet I’ll most likely still never get to actually go through the medical or social process of transition due to societal pressure and the shitty place I live in. And I’m just one of the people with this experience that you keep mocking either due to your willful ignorance or complete lack of empathy, and I honestly don’t know which one is worse.

I mean this in the most genuine possible way, but please seek out therapy. It probably felt good to get all that out, but spilling out all of your anxieties onto random people is not going to help you with everything you listed here. This entire message literally proves my point about the gender cult and why people, especially TIFs, decide to transition. You're not "trans" (no one is, but that's a whole other post). Y'all literally just need therapy. REAL therapy, not that "gender-affirming" bs. So much of this message, especially the parts about feeling wrong and disgusting in your body and wanting to starve yourself until you're underweight to look "less feminine" is such a red flag. I'm not a doctor or psychologist, but babe you're not struggling with "gender dysphoria." You have massive body image and mental health issues that haven't been addressed and are being wrapped up in this ideology of being "trans."

I'm not going to respond to every single point you made here, but this massive tangent feels like it was more for you to let out your frustrations than for me. And that's fine, but just know nothing you said here has swayed my opinion. If anything, it's strengthened it. I do have empathy for what you're going through and I truly do wish you healing and happiness, but venting to random strangers on the internet like this really isn't going to help you.

[eloisevisualculture]

the hypersexualisation of young girls in the media

The abuse and use of children for an adult’s personal gain is an issue that has always existed, regardless of the existence of the internet and the media. But the propagation of this platform (social media, entertainment or fashion magazines) has lead to a whole new sets of problems like the hyper-sexualisation of children, particularly young girls. The dictionary Larousse defines “hyper-sexualisation as “in society, the fact of giving an increasingly important place to sexuality, by multiplying references to it in the public space (media, advertising)”. In some cases this has been so normalised that criticism of these portrayals can be described as purist and excessive. What is the consequence of hyper-sexualisation of children in social media? The purpose of this essay will be to discuss the way the different ways children are sexualised in media and advertising and the effects it can have on their lives. It is not uncommon to hear the phrase “they grow up to fast nowadays” when referring to the youngest generations, as a result of their exposure to the media. Of course if the only thing young girls had to fear from acting like ‘grownups” was wearing makeup earlier in life, then there would be less cause for concern. Unfortunately, the dangers always revolves back to struggle of the ill- intentioned praying on the weak and easily influenced, and the continued danger of a patriarchal mentality passed down through generations. In the highly publicised fashion industry for instance, that holds a great influence on our society, there have been many instances of very young girls chosen as models, and put into adult life contexts. A notorious example is the 2011 edition of Vogue Paris, who published photographs of Thylane Lourby-blondeau, a 10 year old model who was pictures, in revealing clothes, makeup and jewellery, lying on a bed and looking at the camera with a sultry air.

It sparked a controversy and brought up the issue of the hyper-sexualisation children. Many people and parents stated that it was inappropriate and dangerous to picture a young child in an undeniably sensual light, and that directing a shoot to appeal to post-pubescent men, while the child was too young to understand the implications.  Thylane Loubry-Blondeau, on the cover of Vogue Paris, 2011, January edition Others defended it simply as ‘art’, the portrayal of a girl playing dress up, which ultimately does little to justify morals. Art was also the excuse Irina UNESCO gave after photographing and publishing albums of her daughter in sexual, pornographic scene, also nude, from the age of 4 to 11. In an interview with the purple magazine, Ionesco reflects on how her mother used her for years for her own personal gain and career, her works being widely known because they were so scandalous; “She would put make-up on me when I was a child. I slept very little, didn’t go to school. She took erotic photographs of me and made me act in erotic films, of which I was the subject. It wasn’t just about the photos — her entire approach was abusive. Sometimes she would send me to other photographers. She’d say: “You’re going to see such and such a photographer. It’s not great, but you’re going anyway.” It was becoming very dangerous.”(Ionesco). One of the disturbing things about the work Irina published about her daughter is that it is still available to purchase today, and even praised for it’s artistic value.

Eva Ionesco in her adult years has described in detail the “loss of childhood” and the life long effects she had to deal with from being sexualised and abused from such a young age “You were thrown into a world of adults, of nightlife, sex, and art very young — from the age of 12 or 13. And in one of the most liberal periods we’ve seen so far in terms of morals.” She went on to write a film inspired by her childhood and relationship with her mother. As with everything, it is important to avoid blind censure, and condemn anything without a deeper understanding. It is very easy to doggedly pursue a cause and become set in our opinions, and not allow freedom of expression to well meaning individuals, if their children are understanding and willing participants. The artist Sally Man was criticised for publishing nude pictures of her children. They were done as a celebration and a chronicle of her children’s evolution, childhood and slow progression to adulthood, and were done with the children’s understanding and consent, as was made clear in an article in the New York Times “The collaboration of the children in their mother’s work is apparent to anyone who spends time in their company. They are impish, argumentative participants, not robots. (When a photographer asked them what kind of portrait of their mother should accompany this article, they shouted, “Shoot her naked, shoot her naked.” She did.)”(2015).

Sally Mann put the safety and wellbeing of her children above personal gain, choosing to publish her photo album ‘Immediate Family”, when the children would fully be aware of their choice. “I thought the book could wait 10 years, when the kids won’t be living in the same bodies. They’ll have matured and they’ll understand the implications of the pictures. I unilaterally decided.” (2015). One of the effects of the explosion of social media, and their ease of access, is that young children know have the ability to not only watch content that might not be suitable for age but to create content themselves. On Tiktok for instance, there is a lot of content based on visual, and sensual appeal, like women doing suggestive dances in revealing clothing. Women who are old enough have the experience and sense to be fully aware, and take distance themselves from the comments, they are doing it for their own enjoyment. Young girls watch these videos and see the adulation and attention these influencers get, and want to try it out for themselves. Dr Elaine Kasket explains this system on TikTok is artificially amplifying a natural phenomenon. Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up.

"Teenagers are naturally interested in taking risks and they’re naturally interested in finding out about sex and The sexualisation of young girls is an issue which can be confused, but is also linked to their natural desire to imitate their mother, or older siblings. Every single child has tried at some point to act like their parents. But with the rise and ease of access of social media (instagram, TikTok), children have access to whole new world, and many try to imitate what they see on these platforms. discovering themselves as sexual beings and exploring that. "They are open to flattery, they are open to seduction, they are open to the verification they get from the hearts they get and the likes they get”. (2020, The Sun)Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up. Through their imitation of sexualised adult women on the media, young girls inherit patriarchal and misogynistic ideals that superficial beauty determines their worth.The child beauty pageants are intensely popular in America, and raise a lot of money for charity. They parade toddler and young children in false nails, high heels, heavy makeup and heavy wigs, and are trained like performing animals to smile, pose and wave at the camera. 

Naturally, many people argue that the simple fact of wearing makeup does not affect the girls in the slightest, and while that is true on the surface levels, there is much more than meets the eye. By dressing them up in all these gowns, and covering them in makeup and accessories to make them look “prettier”, the young girls are being taught that their natural appearance is not enough, and  moreover that they need all these additional to get praise and win in life. 

These little girls might enjoy looking “ like a princess”, but they are also adopting restrictive and superficial beauty ideals, and learning the all importance of appearance. Naturally, it is important to avoid completely vilifying pageants, they are not always the traumatic experience described by anti pageants or even shown behind the scenes pageants show. In her article for The Cut Goode collects the testimonies of other pageant stars and they are a mixed bag. Some describe that they have fond memories of competing, as ' bonding experience with their mother. An other used the platform to raise awareness about suicide, after her mother took her own life when she was 10 years old.But most often pageant are for the parents gain, and while women and mothers are often the ones organising them, they are, unknowingly or not transmitting the pressures of performative femininity to their daughters. Perpetuating a patriarchal and misogynist mindset in which Women must prioritise their appearance above all else, as the only thing giving them value. 

And this cult of appearance and the emphasis on changing your appearance too fit the standards is the reason why eating disorders are so common in young girls and women. It could be argued that this is not the same as sexualisation of young girls, but beauty ideals and sexualisation are often intrinsically linked, especially if children are trying to abide to rules set by adults.  While this essay has been essentially focussed on young girls, because they are the most targeted and at risk, the sexualisation and perpetuation of beauty ideals gives a toxic example to a future generation of men. Young boys are taught from a young age that pretty girls must look a certain way.

Conclusion:The sexualisation of children is a topic that is heavily discussed, by those against it and those who deny it’s existence or effects. The fact remains that sexualisation along ever occurs for an adult’s personal gain, or benefit.Little girls want to be pretty and attractive, but it is rarely for themselves.Admiring and wanting to be an adult is the most natural thing in the world, it is just tragic that they incorporate toxic ideals of femininity and beauty at the same time.

Bibliography

COTTAIS, C. LOUVET, M. (2021). The dangers of the hypersexualisation of young girls: a stolen childhood​. ​growthinktank.org.​ ​[online]​ Jan. 2021​. at https://www.growthinktank.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/The-dangers-of-the-hypersexualisation-of-young-girls_-a-stolen-childhood.pdf(Accessed 8 apr 2021)

Woodward, R. B. (2015) ‘The disturbing photography of Sally Mann’. The New York Times. At:https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/magazine/the-disturbing-photography-of-sally-mann.html(Accessed 5 apr 2021)

Cuties (2020) Directed by M. Doucouré. Available at: Netflix (accessed 20 April 2018)

Ionesco, E.(unknown date) ‘Eva ionesco’. Interview with Eva Ionesco. Interviewed by O. Sham for The Purple Magazine, Paris issue num 32At: https://purple.fr/magazine/paris-issue-31/eva-ionesco/ (Accessed 9 Apr 2021)

Good, L. (2012) ‘I was a child pageant star: Six Adult Women Look Back’. The Cut. (November). At: https://www.thecut.com/2012/11/child-pageant-star.html (accessed 18 April 2021)

Hall. D. ‘How ��supercharged catnip” Tiktok is fuelling the sexualisation of young girls an exploitation of teens.’ The Sun online. At: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10941512/tiktok-catnip-sexualisation-teens/ (Accessed 18 April 2021). 

[mysteryofkokoro]

as a lesbian myself i don’t agree with what you’re saying when you use that example. literally barely any lesbian is told they have to try ‘girldick’, and outside of the world of tumblr it’s literally not a problem. i’m not sure what you think the ‘modern trans movement’ is about, and i just do not understand where this hatred has come from. also i read your tags and i don’t agree that women in their natural state are gnc, because surely that absolutely contradicts what gnc actually means ? i just think you’re hiding your transphobia behind this belief that gay men and lesbians and women are all being attacked by the trans movement when this is just absolutely not correct. sorry i just do not understand, i feel like outside of the internet and especially this websites a lot of the issues you worry about just actually don’t exist

>> as a lesbian myself

Greetings! I am bisexual. No, I don’t plan on basing my argument on my sexuality, because nobody cares.

>>i don’t agree with what you’re saying when you use that example. literally barely any lesbian is told they have to try ‘girldick’, and outside of the world of tumblr it’s literally not a problem.

Other radfems are better at documenting and classifying TRA behaviour. Here is a master-post: https://tra-receipts.tumblr.com/post/625394511762374656/our-posts-links-are-to-the-most-recently-updated

Though what I mentioned is “just an example” (as stated in my original post), every single one of these users is a real person. These are not trolls. Natural language processing AI applications are not advanced enough for researchers to just conjure up these extremists.

>> i’m not sure what you think the ‘modern trans movement’ is about, and i just do not understand where this hatred has come from.

Take a look at the Mermaids or the Stonewall website for more information on what modern trans-right activists really want. You can also take a look at the master-post I have linked. Either way, get off my blog if you want a comprehensive understanding of trans-activism and GC feminism.

>> also i read your tags and i don’t agree that women in their natural state are gnc, because surely that absolutely contradicts what gnc actually means ?

GNC means gender non-conforming, as in a person who refuses to stick to the roles assigned to them based on their sex by society. For women, we are expected to be submissive, quiet, kind, well-groomed (meaning we are expected to wear makeup, do skincare, shave, etc), and so forth. A woman in her natural state does not wear makeup or alter her body using shaving, waxing, cosmetic surgery, etc. Clearly, the two contradict each other, and a woman in her natural state IS gender non-conforming. In fact, women have to DO extra things to their appearance to be considered gender-conforming.

>> i just think you’re hiding your transphobia behind this belief that gay men and lesbians and women are all being attacked by the trans movement when this is just absolutely not correct.

Let me get one thing clear: I’m not hiding anything (apart from my name and private data).

If refusing to:

disregard science to cater to men’s feelings and desires

deny that women are adult human females

deny that women are discriminated against on the basis that they are FEMALE (not because of feelings or because we are wearing makeup)

deny that lesbians and gay men are SAME-SEX ATTRACTED women and men respectively

makes me a transphobe, then that is what I am.

Denying a trans-identified male a date or sex because despite all their makeup and wigs and claiming that they are indeed a woman BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL MALE goes against the idea of validation, that so many of them wish to seek. Since you say that you are a lesbian, I sincerely hope that you don’t get in this situation where you have to deny a TIM a date for your sanity and safety. That is, if you aren’t actually lying and you would actually date a man who calls himself a woman - which in that case, you are actually bisexual.

>> sorry i just do not understand

That much is clear.

>> i feel like outside of the internet and especially this websites a lot of the issues you worry about just actually don’t exist

Ahh yes, the classical “lady, you are crazy. You have no idea what you are talking about. The things you speak up about don’t actually exist. And if they do, you are just cherry-picking. #notallmen”.

It’s not like feminists have been respected among the masses, anyway. You are no different to them.

You know what? At this point, I’ve lost all respect for you. I don’t know who you are. You could have just Google’d Ovarit or look through the countless receipts TRAs have given you, but you decided to go on MY blog and decided to gaslight me. I don’t throw “gaslight” around lightly. I refuse to waste any more time on you.

After all, I am destined for so much more.

[carrotcakesweetie]

Please, Sit and Stay for a Awhile...

We have all been a victim of it, but yet we all swear we haven't. We wake up everyday thinking we need some kind of morning routine to be more proactive, we watch makeup tutorials and product reviews, we read over endless forums on skincare and hair care and what are the best products and what celebrity uses them. We go shopping for the latest trends and the serotonin from that new outfit you've gotten lasts only about a day or two. We see pictures of girls in wigs, and we bring them to our hairdressers with unrealistic expectations. We sit in the long drive-thru lines to pay for an expensive cup of coffee, that we could have made in the comfort of our homes.

                * I find myself on the floor of the shower one day, unable to bring myself to stand and allowing the hot water to fully submerge my face. A few moments pass, and finally, I take a gasp of air. My mind riddled with these thoughts, almost constantly. I am a prisoner in my own mind. I have been a prisoner here since I was merely 11 years old. The very first year I knew what it felt like to compare myself to other women. It gets a little stale in this prison I must admit, there are so many women here that it's hard to make my way around. Sometimes I bump into women that change their outfit 7 times a day, and I don't think I've ever seen that one red-headed girl without false eyelashes on a day since she's been here, oh yeah! there is that new girl with beautiful brown eyes that I see pretty often but she doesn't eat much of anything. It's kind of impossible trying to make conversation here, sometimes I can't tell if someone is being friendly, or if they are holding a sharp dagger behind their back. Anyways... as I've stated I have been here for many and many years. The strange thing about this prison is that no matter how much time has gone past it's still the same. Different styles and colors every now and then...but the people remain the same. *

- As I stand wobbly like in the bathroom, I hunch forward over my bathroom vanity and give myself a deep look in the mirror and I ask myself why I am allowing myself to remain imprisoned in these thoughts-

                                                   *So Pause*

                In order to take control of my life again, I needed to state some ground rules

As someone who has always been guilty of maybe bending the rules just a smidge, I knew this would be quiet the challenge. However, it's frankly now or never and no in-between. I have already wasted so much delicate time and for that, it is already difficult to forgive myself. Yet I must set sail.

                                                      Rule #1

      Stop Being So Judgemental: Now whether we consider ourselves to be good people or not, we are all guilty of being judgemental in some way or some form. Being judgemental to me looks like this:

Having a preconceived notion about someone or something that you don't understand or don't know right to be true. However your opinion is upmost absolutely certain, and nothing can change your mind. (Point Blank. The END. PERIOD)

Getting past this is not only crucial for your own mental well being, but it also helps you to forge better relationships with people. You are on your way to becoming a much more compassionate human being. My relationship will be thankful for it. My future relationships will be grateful.

                                                         Rule #2

Not Overreacting or Taking Things Personally: This was/is a HUGE DEAL for me. I am guilty of being a tad bit overdramatic you could say, and I had a difficult time not letting things get to me.

Not taking things as personally has helped me to understand that everyone's situation is different and that just because I might think someone has shown me disrespectful behavior, that shouldn't warrant any emotional response. Let's face it, emotional reactions are not that pleasant. It makes things uncomfortable and sometimes awkward. Overreacting at the moment can lead to regret in the future. Though I may be freaking out on the inside, I have found it much more functional to remain calm and unbothered. Though sometimes, this can lead me to seem a little dissociative, I have found it to bring a lot more zen into my life.

                                                          Rule #3

  NO MORE BEAUTY GUROS: This rule is very special and unique to me. This was the most difficult thing for me to swallow. I have made it a personal goal this year, to completely feel comfortable without makeup and in my own skin. Makeup has been nothing but a crutch for me since I was a teenager. My relationship with it is very toxic. This is not unique to me, but like many women, I have never considered myself to be beautiful without it. Whenevenever I started my minimalist journey, the hardest thing for me to part with, was my makeup. Now I am glad to say I am down to one small makeup bag and I'm looking to keep knocking it down.

     Remember this: I am not talking down about the artistry of makeup. I understand many women use it as an art form. I have just been riddled with acne for almost all of my teen and adult life and turned to cosmetics for confidence.

I feel like letting this go will be my biggest challenge to overcome in life (which is rather sad to admit), but even downsizing and progressing to a more natural look,  has honestly done wonders for me. I save SO SO much money, by not frequenting cosmetic stores and I feel SO much better about myself when I'm not burying myself in makeup and skincare tutorials before bed every night, searching for answers I'd never find. It's scary how much I was consumed with always wanting to look a certain way. The truth is, no amount of makeup would ever make me feel complete.

& ALSO MY HAIR-  After graduating beauty school, I thought for sure that I'd like to "FIXUP" my hair all of the time. I used to be very insecure about my hair texture and I often wore it short for that reason.

                 Now You'd be lucky to see my hair brushed, and Honestly, I love it.

                          A little chaos never hurt anybody, but only a little ;)

                                                          Rule #4

GOODBYE FAST FASHION, HELLOW SLOW FASHION: Good quality items Ladies!

Whenever I shop, I like to make sure I know exactly what I'm looking for. I want to make sure my clothes last, they fit well, and they are good for my skin and the environment! I used to ALWAYS look for a bargain deal. The truth is, you're spending less money now to have to replace it with more money in the near future. I like to make sure whatever it is that I buy will be timeless. This means it will never not be in style and I will always have clothes to wear for many, many years to come.

The truth is, that your clothes, your body, and your hair are the least most interesting things about you. Unless fashion is YOUR LIFE don't let it have yours.

                                                    Rule #5

  QUALITY LIFE AND QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS: We all know the famous quote "life is short"

We are always making inspiration boards, Saying "I WISH" way too often, and sometimes even "MAYBE ANOTHER TIME".

Will there be another time? One of the most common things people tend to say on their deathbeds is that they wish they would have spent more time with someone they loved. I don't want to be that person.

I think that sometimes we are so focused on the number of people in our lives, versus the quality of the relationships you already have. How many people in your phone can you call and talk to and trust them to have your best interest in mind? Ok, now how many people do you have stored in your phone?

                             YES, I DECLUTTER MY LIFE IN PEOPLE TOO.

Not everyone is going to add value to your life, and not everyone has your best interest in mind. Whenever you have fewer things bothering you and surrounding you...you start wanting more out of life and turn to the people you are closest to.

These are some of the biggest rules that have helped me with my growth and truthfully finding myself as a woman. I feel like having a simpler approach to life, is the very key to happiness. We as humans like to over complicate things, but who needs the added pressure.  If you always imagined yourself frolicking in a field of daisies on a stormy day, and coming home to a candlelit home in the middle of nowhere. Wearing long and comfortable dresses, and making homemade bread all day. Then you do it! (Maybe that's just me, but I embrace my childlike dreams) Only you are in control of the world you live in. Don't feel pressured to live everyone else's. <3

To whomever is reading this, I hope you at least can take this on with you. Learn to love the way you look (and I mean really look), learn to love both the child and the woman within you, learn to love other women and encourage them to find their true selves, and learn to not pass judgment and hopefully you will inspire someone else to do the same...we are all in search of a quality life.

                                                                     Let us escape this prison together,

                                                                                        Carrot Cake Sweetie