#the next time she gets on stream it’s like a whole new experience

[super-ion]

The Engineer

Part 5

(Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4)

I sure wish I could get some hardware interface testing, today's tech tells me with a disgusting smirk. His eyes make a shameless sweep of my skinsuit.

Normally, I wouldn't stare him down. Normally, I would hunch my shoulders and pretend that the joke slid right off me.

I haven't felt normal since my encounter with the Pilot in that dimly lit observation room two nights ago.

I stare until his smirk slides from his face and he begins to squirm.

I turn away, putting him out of my mind.

Morrigan and I have a date. That is to say, we do, in fact, have hardware interface testing on the schedule today. Her primary neural interface has been upgraded and I need to run it through its diagnostics, a task I am uniquely qualified for with the engineer's rig and my intimate knowledge of Her systems.

I'm… giddy. Nervous, even.

This will be the first time I plug into Her since my encounter with Her Pilot - the first time since she touched my face, since she roughly pressed her lips to my neck while I surrendered to her, with Morrigan watching the whole time.

I shudder at the memory and linger in the vestibule. I place a hand on Morrigan's bulkhead as I always do. I feel that distant thrum of Her, the dull rumble of Her heart.

“Hey beautiful,” I say to Her as I always do.

I think of the Pilot. I think of piercing blue eyes and I think of neural bleed.

I think of teeth scraping against tender flesh at the base of my neck. I think of those slender fingers winding themselves through my hair.

A noise behind me. The tech clears his throat.

My face heats and I flinch my hand away.

I climb into the cockpit to find that the cradle is already reconfigured for me. Every one of Morrigan's cockpit cameras are focused on me with a new, special kind of eagerness.

She did watch us. I'm certain of it. Even if she hadn't, the Pilot has been here and already shared everything with her.

I let out a nervous breath and clamber into the embrace of her cradle. I let Her slip into me, physically and mentally. I let Her fill the space where my loneliness is a tangible aching thing.

Telemetry streams fill my consciousness. The ping comes almost immediately after connection is established.

- STATUS?

What is my status? Before two nights ago, I had enough trouble answering that question. Now everything is more confused than ever.

“I met the Pilot,” I reply. “Your Pilot. She kissed me. I let her…”

I drag my hands over my face. Why does this feel like I'm admitting to cheating on her?

- DID YOU ENJOY IT?

I nod.

Her delight (at least as much as a machine like her can experience delight) is palpable over the neural interface. Something like relief flows through me.

Of course it doesn't bother her, why would it?

I sigh and kick off the first of a long series of diagnostic tests. As firmware validation check results start popping up in my hud, I let my mind wander.

Wander is a generous term. My mind immediately returns to the singular subject that has occupied my thoughts.

The Pilot presses herself against me. Her lips press against the space where my neck meets my shoulder, her teeth nipping gently. Her hand trails down my side, finds the hem of my shirt and lifts slightly, skin touching skin...

The memory brings with it the ghost of sensation.

All around me, Morrigan hums. All the little noises in the cockpit, all the clicks and whirs and beeps, seem to take on a new meaning as she witnesses the memory play back in my mind.

“You think a lot about neural bleed.”

I'm thinking about neural bleed now. I'm thinking about how the next time the Pilot jacks in, she will find the ghost of my thoughts in Morrigan's system. She will know how it made my breath come fast, how the memory made me stiffen. How my hands wandered unbidden along my skinsuit…

I'm not alone.

My eyes snap open in a panic and…

There she is, hovering at the threshold to the vestibule.

I don't know how long the Pilot has been watching me. Her eyes shine with the same intensity as ever, but… hungry, wanting.

It's too much. Her knowing about Morrigan and me, Morrigan knowing about us, those are one thing. Her being here now, me here with the two of them together, it's too much.

My face heats and I mumble some unintelligible apology. I send a command to Morrigan to disengage. I attempt to sit up and-

She presses a hand to my chest and shoves me back into the cradle.

“You're not going anywhere,” she purrs.

Morrigan has not disengaged.

My breath catches in my throat.

The Pilot climbs the rest of the way into the cockpit and cycles the bulkhead closed.

The space is barely big enough for the two of us and the intimacy of it sends my heart racing anew.

“Wh-what?” I gasp. “Somebody will catch us.”

“I don't fucking care,” she says as she straddles me and produces an auxiliary neural interface cable from an overhead receptacle. “Me or Morrigan could get dead in the next engagement. I don't have the time or patience to pussyfoot around.”

“They could reassign me,” I protest, “or worse.”

“Oh, I doubt that,” she says with a hint of a sly grin. “You'll find that pilots usually get what we want around here.”

I can't tell if she means getting what she wants from me or from our superiors.

She hesitates, interface cable dangling in her hand. It's that same hesitation from two nights earlier, only this time it's a question for me.

Morrigan herself seems to pause with her own bated metaphorical breath. A sort of gentle hopefulness trickles over the link.

I should say no. I should excuse myself. That would be the smart rational thing to do.

I'm too close. I'm too close to both of them now.

I give the Pilot a nod.

I watch as she contorts herself, stretching her lithe arms to reach the jack in her own rig. I watch as she slides the the plug of the interface into herself. I watch as she shudders and sighs, dropping her arms and closing her eyes. I watch as her body relaxes, and for the first time since I've known her, she becomes still.

New status messages flash in my field of vision. A second user has logged in.

She opens her eyes and looks around the cramped cockpit.

“This is how you experience it?” she says.

“What?”

“The link,” she says. “There's no haptics. No biochem. It's so... shallow.”

My heart falls.

She blinks in surprise, her eyes distant.

“Fuck. I'm sorry,” she says softly. “I didn't mean it like that. I...”

My face must have given me away, or my body language. She leans towards me and brushes her lips tenderly against mine.

Then I understand. It wasn't anything on my face.

I can feel her. I feel her against me, but I also feel me against her.

It isn't sensorium. I can't feel what she physically feels. But emotion is information and information flows freely over the link.

I don't feel her so much as I feel her emotional reaction to the touch.

Neural bleed.

I open my mouth and drink her in. I wrap my arms around her to pull her close. One of us moans, I can't tell who at this point.

She pulls away.

“Holy shit,” I gasp.

“Yeah?” she replies and…

Holy shit.

Morrigan begins playing back the moments just before the Pilot Interrupted us - the memory, my need, my wandering hands.

The Pilot makes a small self-satisfied grin. I can feel her satisfaction over the link. I can feel her own reactive wanting.

Fuck. I can even feel Morrigan's need.

"The three of us, we're just this fucking tangle, aren't we?"

“You liked that, huh?” she says, leaning towards me. "Our little tryst?"

I nod.

“Can't stop thinking about it?”

I nod again.

She leans in real close and I dare not move as she brushes her lips against my ear.

“There's just one problem,” she whispers. “I think that Babygirl feels a bit left out.”

I gasp as something closes over my wrists, my ankles.

I crane my neck to look over to where safety restraints in the cradle have closed over me.

"Can't let Her get jealous, can we?" she whispers with a nip at my ear.

The Pilot straightens and spreads her arms. The space in the cockpit is so close that her fingers touch both sides easily. She draws her arms overhead, fingers drifting over the panels. She stretches languidly, the hard lines of her body on full display under her own skinsuit.

Desire and need pulse over the link - the Pilot's and Morrigan's and my own reflected back at me.

“How about we give you something else you can't stop thinking about?”

~~~~~

(Next)

@digitalsymbiote @g1ngan1nja @thriron @ephemeral-arcanist @mias-domain @justasleepykitten @powder-of-infinity @valkayrieactual @chaosmagetwin @assigned-stupid-at-birth @avalanchenouveau

If anyone else wants to get tagged (or if I missed you), let me know! Two more updates planned (fair warning, they're not going to be as happy as this one)

[nox140497]

You're Gonna Be Okay

Masterlist

Prompt List

Prompt: No

Request: No

Summery: Colby finds out he has testicular cancer. His girlfriend Y/N and his bet friend Sam are there to make sure he knows he's not alone and that he's going to be ok.

Pairings: Colby Brock Female reader.

Colby had always been a healthy and active young man. He went for regular hikes, ate well, and took care of his body for the most part. So when he noticed pain in his palvic area, he wasn't too worried. But after a few weeks of it being on and off and not really going away, he finally decided to go see a doctor.

After a few tests and scans, Colby received the devastating news that he had testicular cancer. He couldn't believe it. It felt like his whole world came crashing down at that moment. How could this be happening to him? He was only 26 years old.

Tears streamed down his face as he called his girlfriend Y/N to tell her the news. She rushed over to his house and held him as he sobbed in her arms. She promised to be there for him every step of the way. Y/N was Colby's rock, his safe haven, and he knew he couldn't get through this without her.

The next day, Colby's best friend Sam came home after being at his girlfriend's house. They had been friends since they were kids, and Sam was like a brother to him. When Colby tells Sam about his diagnosis, Sam's eyes are filled with tears, but he quickly composes himself and puts on a brave face for his friend.

'We're going to get through this, man,' Sam said, placing a reassuring hand on Colby's shoulder.

Colby was scheduled to start chemotherapy in a few days. Y/N and Sam were there with him every step of the way, from going to doctor's appointments to holding his hand during treatments. Sam even learned a very complicated skill to help Colby keep his hair.

There were days when Colby didn't want to get out of bed when the side effects of chemo were too much to handle. But Y/N and Sam were always there to lift his spirits and remind him that he was not alone in this battle.

'You are so strong, Colby,' Y/N would say, kissing his forehead. 'You can beat this.'

Sam would often crack jokes or show him funny videos to make him laugh. They were determined to keep his spirits high and make sure he never felt alone.

As the months went by, Colby's health improved. The cancer was in remission, and he was slowly getting back to his old self. Y/N and Sam continued to be there for him through the ups and downs of recovery.

One day, Colby sat with Y/N and Sam in his backyard, enjoying the warm sunshine and the company of his loved ones. He looked at his friends and felt overwhelmed with gratitude. They had been his rock through the hardest time of his life and he couldn't have asked for better people to have by his side.

'Thank you,' he said, tears welling up in his eyes. 'Thank you for everything. I couldn't have done it without you guys.'

Y/N and Sam smiled at him, their eyes shining with love and pride. They had gone through such a trying experience together and had come out stronger than ever.

'You're not alone, Colby,' Y/N said, intertwining her hand with his. 'And you never will be.'

From that moment on, Colby knew that no matter what life threw at him, he had two amazing people by his side who would support him through anything. And that gave him a sense of strength and courage he never knew he had.

[angstywaifu]

Garrick Tavis Pregnant Reader HC's

Prompt from @garricks4thwingqueen - I just feel like Gare would be so prefect when his girl is pregnant. Maybe just some fluff or maybe a little worry because reader is having a difficult time with the pregnancy. A/N: Couldn't resist doing this as head cannon's, and you just know he would be the best during a pregnancy. Keep an eye out next week for Father Garrick Tavis HC's! Masterlist

Garrick is over the moon when you tell him. That man never cries, but you best believe tears are streaming down his face as he pulls you into a tight hug. Though he instantly panics about hurting the baby which has you rolling your eyes at him.

He is so excited and wants to tell everyone immediately. You try to stop him, but he’s already running off to find Xaden and Bodhi. There was no stopping him from telling them. Nothing at all.

While out on a mission Chradh informs him you are not well via the bond he has with your dragon. As he reaches for your presence he can tell its closed off, but there’s something there that you can’t quite hide. Something he can pick up on easily due to his signet. Sickness or Pain. It sends him into a panic instantly, going home without a second thought.

He rushes inside to see you sitting on the ground, leaning up against the counter next to the toilet. His panic eases slightly, just morning sickness. But he can tell instantly that you are no good, and it’s not going easy on you. He scoops you into his arms, taking you back to bed. He gathers a bucket, cold water, a wet face cloth and some plain biscuits. He slides in next to you, pulling you against him.

The morning sickness lasts months. Almost till the very end. But the healers assure you both baby is fine, and everyone handles pregnancy differently. You immediately tell Garrick no more sex if this is what she has to go through.

The whole way through he gets you anything you need. Ice cream? He’s already noted the flavours you have craved and has them stored. In fact any craving or preference you have or keep going back to, he has on hand already. So much it could probably last you another pregnancy. But that man is well prepared for any craving after they started appearing and catching him out of nowhere. He didn’t want to face your wrath ever again. It takes a lot to scare him. You scared him.

Every night that man is running you a bath. No showers for you while you’re pregnant. Though you do sneak a few when he’s out on patrol. Nothing beats washing your hair in the shower. He goes all out on the baths. Bath salts, candles, anything he can find to make it more relaxing for you.

That man is also reading up on anything and everything to help you and the baby out. He has covered all bases from things to make the birth easier for you, to things to help the baby once they arrive. He wants to make this experience as good as he can for you despite the morning sickness.

As the baby gets closer Garrick is in full dad mode. He’s building all the new furniture, he’s baby proofing everything, and he’s packing your bags ready to take to the healers should the baby decide to come suddenly.

And that baby does come suddenly. Almost two weeks early. He’s out on a patrol with Xaden and Bodhi when Chradh alerts him through the bond. The way he stops mid flight, those two know what's happening before the smile breaks out on his face. In seconds the three of them are racing back so Garrick can be there for you. And he make’s it just in time to meet his child.

[inknopewetrust]

𝐖𝐞𝐛𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐎𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲

summary: what if Miguel didn’t learn the first time around? What if he keeps jumping to new realities to experience the life he deserved but never got?

pairing: miguel o'hara x fem!reader [wc: 2.15k]

warnings: 18+, minors dni, this does get a tad bit little spicy and then... emotive, domestic miguel & family. well... here we are folks... miguel is on a struggle bus.

Every universe tells a story.

And before worlds start to crumble, they are built by those within it hoping for a better life.

Miguel could hear the music from the kitchen before he even walked through the door.

The rhythms of drums he had long forgotten weaved its way through the air as the smells of a dinner being cooked wafted out from the apartment. He could hear the laughter he missed greatly; a sorrowful joyous sound Miguel could never grasp.

"No, no, no!" Happy shrieks left your lips as soon as he opened the door, bag in hand like he recalled from his years of work at Alchemax.

Small hands pushed at his legs to send him back out the door and he tried to ignore the way his eyes caught birthday streamers and a cake on the table. It was his birthday. A fragment of his life before - it felt so familiar but only a fantasy all the same.

"Go! It's not," Gabriella grunted as she attempted to push Miguel away, "it's not ready! You're too early." Too early, always too late.

"GO! Go!"

"Alright! Alright!" Miguel chuckled, smiling at his daughter as she succeeded and he found himself paired with the outside of the door once more. The lock clicked, giving him no other choice.

Behind it, the sounds of shuffling feet and plates being placed onto the table balanced out the music. The music stopped without warning the moment the light that streamed out of the small gap at the bottom of the door went away.

A pair of feet pattered their way back to the door to unlock it. Miguel opened it again and at the end of the wide hall, the kitchen table was laid with what he had seen before.

A cake lit by candles that didn't truly reflect his age.

A dinner that was a warm favorite he'd never admit to.

And a family whole and smiling to the nines. Gabriella's pearly whites nearly shined in the glow of the candles, the sights of the city filling the rest of the room behind you both. Miguel looked at his little girl with a tense heart, and he looked at you with a loose one.

You were here. You both were. Happy and healthy and waiting for him to come home.

To break the static, an out-of-tune, good intentioned rendition of 'happy birthday' filled the air. He put the suitcase down to approach the table where his hands rested on the back of a wooden chair and Gabriella's excitement overflowed as she raced to him and gladly was swept off her feet.

You would never tire of the sight of a man like Miguel so gentle with her. Broad shouldered with a harsh face, he softened beside her. Adoring the way she would wrap her arms around his neck and snuggle into the crook of it. It was soft, pure in the simplest of ways.

And he would only be like this here - when she was present and the world wasn't watching. Helping her color inside the lines or pick out a matching pair of socks so she wouldn't be made fun of when she went to school. Miguel was a dad when anyone could be a father.

When the song was over, Gabriella turned her head and whispered in his ear.

"Daddy," her voice high-pitched, "you need to make a wish."

You moved from around the table to join the two as he held onto her tightly.

"Remember," you reminded Miguel as he pondered, "just enough to last the year. There will always be more next year."

Miguel nodded absentmindedly, moving on auto-pilot to lean down and look at the flames meeting his face. One wish was all he wanted. One wish for this life to last a bit longer than the last and this universe to be the one to heal whatever pieces of him he had lost in the others.

"Ok, go ahead! One, two..." Gabriella pushed and he blew them out as he held onto his little girl and your hand rested on his arm.

Miguel couldn't remember birthdays like this.

He had begun to tune them out after years of forgetting but he sat at the end of the bed with the exhaustion he had felt every day he worked long hours that were less than rewarding.

Gabriella went to bed; he read her a story like he always did and ended up trapped in his own mind when there was little else to do but sleep.

The sink in the bathroom attached to the bedroom stopped running. You exited the bathroom in those pajamas he said made you look like an old lady but wouldn't trade for the world. However, in the reality he knew all too well, he wished he had never said that. Miguel would trade the world to feel, to hold the body that wore them again.

"What's the look for?" You asked him, eyebrow quirked.

"What look?"

"You know," shrugging, you mimicked his face the best you could but in his eyes, it was nothing more than a strange look.

"No," he scoffed with a smirk, "I don't know what you mean."

"Ok grumpy... it's your birthday," you stopped in front of him, hands on his shoulder before taking one hand and squeezing his chin lightly, "cheer up."

"I'm happy," he defended and you narrowed your eyes.

"I don't know... you don't look happy. What can I do to turn that frown," you poked into his cheek, "upside down," and pulled it upwards to get him to smile.

Miguel grabbed your poking hand and held onto it tightly. Sitting down on the bed, his eyes met yours directly. For once, he was not this towering figure that would have been menacing had he not been holding a fawning child or a bag of toys.

His eyes always told a story. One of pain, one of hope, one of lust. They were something you could see lifetimes in and only wish that when you were old, those same eyes would look at you the way they did now. Hungry and waiting for a present he had been looking forward to as he ate his food and traced unknown shapes onto your thigh as Gabriella went on and on about some kid at school.

"What can you do?" He asked you. You nodded in reply. Miguel's eyes darted to your lips, tongue wetting them before you raked your teeth over your bottom lip.

The hand that held yours fell into his lap. It itched to move further.

"I can think of a million things for you to do," Miguel's voice was guttural, husky. "But the floor is cold. It needs to be warmed."

Your heart always manages to stop in his presence.

"Get on your knees."

You weren't a woman to bow to a man. You imagined that is why Miguel had taken onto you so fast but when you were with him, the world washed away. Miguel became another piece of you that had been missing for so long. He had stamped himself inside your heart and through that, you crafted letters of love that transcended the universe.

And in the silent days when he is gone or you're alone, there's a fear of holding one's breath until it's too late. Suffocating without a lung to sustain you.

You knelt onto the cold floor as told. Miguel's eyes watching you look up at him as though you were innocent and this was the first time you were doing this. Being commanded like that, giving into his needs before your own because it was a special day.

Miguel let go of your hand, extending it high with your arm as he helped pull off your nightgown.

Nude underneath, your nipples pert with the chill of the floor, the warmth of his gaze.

You squeezed your thighs together as your toes curled under you. Miguel's ghost of a smile lingered as he leaned back on his elbows.

"You know what to do."

And you did.

Running your hands from his ankles up to his own thighs, your hands were smooth against the fabric of his pants. Fingers spread wide against the large width of them and pressing into the tenderness of his muscle. You fanned over the center of his pants knowing what lies beneath, waiting and aching to be had.

You fiddled with the belt as the silence of the room had grown into a thick air. It surrounded the two of you in a bubble.

"Miguel," you said his name sweetly. He hummed as you let your palm press down onto him and your fingers grasp at the belt. "Do you love me?"

It was not hard to admit that he loved you. He had proclaimed it in every universe he existed in, but it still made his own heart skip a beat. Weak, he imagined himself, to feel that way but here he was, knowingly in another universe where the world was seemingly perfect and it would end in disaster.

He moved your hand and replaced it with his own. He undid the belt and sat up, gripping your face with both of his large hands.

"Yes," he nodded his head at you, "I love you very much"

He loved you in a million lifetimes.

And he kissed you. Hard... because you could slip from his fingertips at any moment. You could simply disappear like dust and he would have to deal with the knowledge that he destroyed you in this world too and he needed to forget that.

His hands cradled your head with a gentle purpose. Thumbs tracing the way your cheeks formed from the smile that lit up your face and threatened to tear his lips from yours. You lifted yourself off of the ground, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

Miguel didn't need to think of a million things for you to do to make him happy. His hands traced your naked sides and he felt the skin he had been aching to feel. He gripped the parts of you that he missed as much as the smile on your face and the heart that lied inside your chest.

He trailed kisses along the column of your neck and realized that he would destroy every universe if it meant he could have this for one small fragment in time.

"I missed you, sweetheart," Miguel breathed out as you worked on the buttons of his dress shirt. Each button a second he was losing in this world.

You laughed, pulling away slightly from his so his lips disconnected from your shoulder but your fingers didn't stop working.

"I've been here all day," you popped a button off, "just sitting and waiting for you to come home."

"I know," he heaved in a big breath as if the admission of sitting around and waiting for him to come home was sad, or worse, pathetic. "I just missed you, that's all."

You just smiled in return and worked on the last button before pushing the shirt off his shoulders and feeling down his ample chest. Miguel pulled you against him, skin against skin, and rested his forehead on yours.

You didn't question the way he had a few moments ago wanted to be worshiped on his birthday and now only wants to hold you. Every trip around the sun brought forth the recognition that time had an expiration date. That date, unknown and daunting, lingered over the heads of everyone in Nuevo York because the future didn't let people live longer in harmony.

Your fingernails raked the back of his neck, grazing the start of his hair and his grip tightened.

"Baby..." you wanted to pull away to look him in the eye but couldn't. So, you just lowered your head to where your lips were beside his ear. "It's alright, Miguel..."

His hand sprawl out onto your back, the other holding your hip to him.

"I'm not goin' anywhere," you told him, "I'll always be waiting for you to come home."

But you wouldn't.

And he knew that because he made the choice to come here. He came to this universe where tragedy had already struck and wove a web into the home he wanted to build just to have one moment of peace.

That web was opaque.

The opacity of it muddling the lives he had lived and the ones he hadn't. Miguel could imagine fragments of time from the memories he had collected but they stuck together in that web. And every time a solution was thought to have been conceived–where he'd go back to a life worth living with two beautiful souls waiting for him–they imploded.

Even so he held you.

And the pain in his heart wasn't enough to stop him from trying to find that truthful reality of tranquility.

A/n: as a an english speaker, I felt it would be better if I didn't attempt to include spanish in the fic. I know miguel speaks it, I imagine him with a partner who also speaks spanish, but I'd rather leave that to the native speakers of the language instead of someone like me (their fics are also probably better than this one, so go check out those fics!)

[malikselfindulgence]

RED SON X READER BLURB ☆ 1K WORDS

Description: How Red Son tends to show his love to his partner :3

Content: RED SON REFERRED TO WITH HE/SHE/THEY PRONOUNS! I personally see her as genderfluid but any hc is cool. Reader is gender neutral

Fic under the cut!

Red Son doesn't really ever say "I love you" 

He might have whispered it once, but you were half-asleep in his lap and the warmth from his hands threading through your hair turned your brain to mush, so you could've been imagining it. Besides that, he's never said the dreaded L-word.

You're not sure why- perhaps an aversion to such disgustingly vulnerable words in general, or his parents hammering lesson after lesson of how displaying emotions so openly is weak. Or maybe it's a lot simpler than that, and the thought had simply never crossed his mind.

Red Son does love you, though. You know this, and they know it too. They tell you they "tolerate your company" and that you're "just adequate enough to be in their presence"- both code words for I like being with you. 

Red Son's love is his driving force- it builds up in his chest and overflows out of him, despite his insistence that his heart is black and cold.

For her family, it's countless nights spent in her lab, working on their next plan to overtake the world, it's trying to live up to her father's legacy, not allowing a single smidge of dishonour to smight her family's name, it's continuing to live in the demon bull fortress, despite the fact that she's over 400 years old now and old enough to live in her own house. 

For his friends, it's reminding them of their self worth when needed- however brash and blunt he may be, it's watching Mei's streams as he works, leaving small comments to show her he's listening, it's helping MK fix up his dreadful noodle-cart while begging him to put it out of its misery and purchase a new one already.

For you, however, it's a bit of a mix of these.

For the first few months of your relationship, it was a lot of trial and error. There was a cultural gap between you and Red Son, demon courting being completely foreign [and frankly concerning] to you. And even if there wasn't, Red Son had no relationship experience. They were still reeling from having friends now, never mind a romantic partner.

Red Son would try to read up on mortal's courting customs [or "dating", as he's come to learn], he'd sit through those crappy rom-com movies and shudder each time they did something over the top, he'd even thought about asking Mei for help, which was just wholly embarrassing, and he totally didn't try to subtly do so only for her to call him out on it and laugh immediately.

It started out with a lot of choppy romantic gestures that just weren't….Red Son, despite how hard he tried to enjoy them, and after a long conversation [or two, or three-], you two eventually found your rhythm, one you both enjoyed and found comfort in.

Red Son built you things- trinkets and machines and the like. If you mention off-handedly that you'd been wanting this thing for ages but just never had the money or time, you best believe they'll be showing up on your doorstep the following morning with a box hidden behind their back. They also fixed things for you- your fridge, your washing machine, your kettle. They grumble the whole time about how out-dated and rusty and repulsive your tech is, but they've never once turned down your requests. They've even offered to upgrade your TV a few times, but you're just too attached to the old thing.

Red Son spends a lot of time with you, even if you two aren't actively engaging in conversation. You'd sit across from each other, or in each other's laps, doing your own separate thing, just in each other's company. Every once in a while you pipe up with a random thought or question, and he shares his own as well before you two fall back into comfortable silence. You like watching him work with his hands, and he likes seeing how passionate you get over your hobbies. He shares parts of his life with you and you do so as well in turn.

Red Son's also shockingly touchy with you. She's not one for grand acts of physical affection- picking you up in public and hand-feeding you syrupy fruits and whatnot, but she will loop her pinky finger around yours when you walk, she'll kiss your forehead just before you head to bed, hug you from behind when she's freshly awake and still sleepily dazed, and once she gathers up the courage to do so, kiss you when her feelings rush through her body and send her hurtling towards you. She always has to be touching you in some way or another.

Most importantly, Red Son tries for you, and for themselves. They still mess up sometimes, they still get scared and terrified and defensive, they're still figuring themselves out, but they try for you. Red Son'll try out a new food just because it's your favorite, or will dabble in new music genres for your sake. Even more than that- Red Son tries to be more open, they try to talk about things they've never spoken aloud before, they try to listen to you- they start taking breaks more often, and eating better, and their self confidence rings a little truer and a little less fake each day. It's more than you could ever ask for. 

So, no, Red Son doesn't really say "I love you", but you don't mind. You hear it in the shared space between the both of you, in the mugs of your favorite drink freshly brewed and handed to you when you're stressed, in the angry notes scolding you for not resting properly, in the brush of his hand against yours. You hear it loud and clear, and you whisper your response into his hair every morning, every evening, every night,

 "I love you, too." 

[blue-slxt]

Our Song Cord: Nobody Gets Out of Love Alive

(Chapter 4)

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

A/N: Time to finally get to the plot point that inspired this whole fic for me lol. This idea just came smack outta nowhere and it wouldn't leave my brain until I got it down so I hope you guys enjoy it. Every chapter title is a song reference, so if you know the song, you get a cookie. I really really appreciate feedback so comments and reblogs are heavily encouraged. All characters are aged up.

Series Masterlist

Previous Part | Next Part

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Warnings: Reader Making Poor Life Decisions, Kiri Being the Best, Mentions of Smut, Cheating? (If you squint), Friends to Lovers, Angst, Misunderstandings, Mentions of Pregnancy

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Consequences and misunderstandings.

There’s a distinct shift in you and Neteyam’s relationship over the next week or so. In public, you both give the appearance of best friends. Partners in crime that do everything together just like everyone had always known you to. But in private, you more often than not spent your time as a sweaty, heaving pile of intertwined limbs. Even after the end of your heat, the two of you still couldn’t seem to keep your hands off of each other.

Neteyam, in particular, was getting bolder with his affection. It would be a small brush of his tail against yours, his hand lingering on the small of your back during actual training sessions, or even a quick sneaky kiss he’d press against your cheek when no one was looking. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t absolutely adore all the attention he showered you with. Your heart called out for him in a way that was unfamiliar to you, but it hit you with a force strong enough to make the blood all rush to your head. Your body craved him deeply as if he was the very air you needed to fill your lungs. But the revelation of all these feelings did complicate things.

The reality was, Neteyam didn’t belong to you. And soon, he was going to belong to someone else. You felt ashamed every time you would see Layao shoot him a smile or let her hands trail over his arms and you would feel your gut twist with nausea.

You knew that this arrangement you had with Neteyam was going to be coming to an end soon as his ceremony was coming in just a couple days. But it was the fact that your time was running out that made you want him that much more. To steal these small moments with him more often. Build more memories to hold on to like a security blanket. She would have him for the rest of their lives, you should be allowed these last few days.

And what an eventful few days it was. The two of you would see each other every single night. You would spend hours experimenting with new positions and possible kinks. You’ve both discovered a lot about each other and yourselves. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve had him spit in your mouth. The thought of such a thing before would have disgusted you, but when you hold your head back and mouth open still holding some of his cum on your tongue and you watch that steady stream roll from his tongue to yours, you swear you’ve never tasted anything more delicious in your life. And Neteyam loves having you on top. He loves being able to watch your head fall back and release so many sweet, dirty sounds while your tits bounce with your every move.

And as much as you loved fucking him, you equally loved the tender way he’d hold you afterwards. You’d lay your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat and he’d kiss the top of your head while cooing sweet words to you. On several nights, the two of you would lose track of time and have to scramble to make it back home before everyone else woke up. It was a risky arrangement, but that just added to the thrill of it all.

But now, Neteyam’s ceremony is in 2 days and you can’t help the deep sense of dread you feel lurking just under the surface. It causes your vision to go unsteady and your stomach churn when you wake up in the morning. Suddenly, you’re rushing out of your home and to a nearby bush coughing up your stomach contents. It burns your throat and leaves a disgusting taste in your mouth. Your body feels weak trying to walk back to your home. You quickly rinse your mouth out with some water you have and decide it’s probably smart to go to the healing tent and be checked just to be totally sure that you’re not coming down with a cold. Hopefully, they have something that will settle your stomach.

When you walk into the healing tent you look around for any familiar face. “Kiri? Tsahik?” Footsteps shuffle over to you and it’s Layao. “Oh, sorry, I was just looking for Kiri or Mo’at.”

“Oh, they’re out gathering herbs. Are you alright? Is it something I can help you with?” Her voice is sweet and her expression is gentle. Another churn of your stomach plagues you as you fight to swallow back down the bile building in your throat.

“W-well, I woke up not feeling very well. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t getting sick.”

“I can definitely help you. Mo’at has been training me more in these kinds of things. Come, sit.” She gently holds your wrist and leads you to sit on a mat nearby. You try to take deep breaths to help ease the erratic beating of your heart. Your eyes study her as she pulls out a small, sharp bone similar to the one that Mo’at keeps with her. Her voice is still gentle when she approaches you.

“It’s just going to be a little prick.” She pokes just barely through your skin and brings the tip of the bone up to her lips and lets her eyes close while she listens for Eywa.

After only a few seconds, her eyes shoot open and she smiles brightly at you. “You are with child. You have been blessed.”

A ringing in your ears starts. “I’m sorry, that must be a mistake. A child?” “It is no mistake. I have done this several times now. Eywa is going to bless you and your mate with a precious baby.” She clasps her hands together showing her genuine excitement for you.

Your chest tightens with a mix of emotions.

“I did not know that you had a mate already. I’m sure he will be overjoyed to know!” she places a hand on your shoulder and you do your best to not recoil from her touch.

“This is big news. I should go so I can rest. Uh, thank you.” You say starting to stand up.

“Oh, wait.” She turns to fidget with a myriad of different bowls and herbs and things behind her. “Here. These should help with the nausea and weakness.” She says as she places a small sack of herbs in your hands.

“Thank you. I should get going.”

The walk back to your home feels like it passes by in a blur. Your mind can’t process anything properly right now. A baby…you were going to have a baby. Neteyam’s baby.

‘Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ is your initial reaction. You flop down on your sleep mat and stare blankly ahead. What are you supposed to do?

You look down at your stomach and, all of a sudden, you’re hit with a wave of overwhelming affection. You hold a hand lightly just under your navel and let it sink in that there’s a little manifestation of your love growing inside of you.

But how are you supposed to tell Neteyam? This would completely derail his arrangement with Layao. You don’t want to cause any trouble or embarrassment for anyone.

While you’re lost in thought, there’s a knock on the post outside the entrance to your home. You jump at the sound, but relax a little when you see that it’s only Kiri. “Hey, Kiri.”

“Hey, Layao told us you came by the tent.”

“Oh, yeah. I wasn’t feeling good when I woke up so I just came to get checked.” The apprehension is written all over your face and Kiri can sense it.

“She told us about…” she doesn’t finish her sentence but gestures to your stomach.

“Ah, I see.”

Kiri comes closer to you and crouches next to you. “Don’t look so excited.” She jokes. You know she’s trying to cheer you up, but there’s too much anxiety storming in your mind right now.

“So, who is the lucky guy? Is it Aykxo? I saw you talking with him a while ago. He’s quite the catch.”

You try to quickly compose yourself when you turn your head away from her, but the quiver in your lip shakes your voice as it comes out. “No. It is not Aykxo. But I can’t say.”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. “If it’s not Aykxo, then who else would it be? The only other person I ever see you with is Net—“, she cuts her own sentence short when the circuits connect. When she goes silent, all you can do is look at her. Her expression shifts from shock to pity. “Oh no.”

“You can’t tell him, Kiri.”

“You’re joking. Please tell me you’re not serious. How did this happen? When? Is that why you’ve been out so late together every night? And all the marks on you? Oh, Eywa, I think I’m going to be sick!” You can barely register Kiri’s rambling when your head falls into your hands and the tears start to well in your eyes.

She pauses and takes a breath when she notices your small sniffles. She places an arm around your shoulders. “What are you planning to do?”

“I can’t tell him. It would ruin everything for him. I can’t do that to him.”

“But this is his baby. He’ll want to be there for you. He has to know. Besides, what are you going to tell him when your belly starts growing?”

She’s right. And you know she is. Of course, Neteyam deserves to know and you know that he would want to be there, but the fear of what this could do to your relationship is too great in your heart. It’s one thing for him to reject you, but to turn away you and your baby would utterly crush you.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I can’t tell him, Kiri. I can’t. And you can’t either. Nobody can know.”

“Fine. I won’t say anything. But he should know. This baby is as much his as it is yours.”

You huff out a breath trying to decide on the best course of action.

“Do you need anything?” she asks still holding onto you.

“Just time.” You say plainly.

“Alright. Consider it done.” She responds in a very matter-of-fact tone.

You watch her in confusion as she stands and makes her way out of your home before you even have the chance to ask her what she means. Instead, you fall on to your back on your sleep mat and stare up at the sky musing to yourself about your situation.

…

This might be a mistake. When Neteyam asked you earlier if the two of you were still meeting tonight, every logical part of you screamed at you to make up some kind of excuse to say no. But seeing his hopeful eyes and that damned smile that defied all logic, you couldn’t find it in you to turn him down.

So, here you stood near the shack waiting. You beat him here tonight since your anxiety was running too high for you to just sit at home.

When you hear a rustling in the nearby bushes, your body tenses feeling him get closer. When Neteyam finally emerges, he’s clearly surprised to see you here first, but happy all the same.

“You’re already here. That excited to see me?” he jokes walking straight to you and wrapping his arms around your middle. He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck and presses feather light kisses to your shoulder.

By Eywa, how are you not supposed to just soften under his gentle hold? “Teyam?”

“Hm?” he hums in response without moving his face away from your neck.

“Can we just sit together for a while? It’s been kind of a rough day and I just really need you.” Your voice is hesitant and small. But when he pulls back, there’s not even a hint of disappointment there.

“Of course, sevin.”

He’s gotten much more comfortable with things like that too lately. Every now and then, Neteyam will drop in a pet name for you. It makes your heart pound every time, even if you feel like it shouldn’t.

He sits on the ground cross legged and opens his arms out for you in waiting. You smile to yourself before slotting yourself right into his lap facing him and crossing your legs behind his back. You rest your head on his shoulder and he mimics you while rubbing his hand up and down the expanse of your back.

“What is bothering you, syulang?”

If there was ever a time to tell him the truth, this would be it. It should be. And yet, your mouth just opens and closes repeatedly searching for the right string of words.

“I just woke up not feeling really good…” not technically a lie. “And I just keep thinking about this. Soon, you are going to have your mating ceremony and we’ll have to stop this.” It sounds needier to your ears than you’d like for it to. “I mean, you won’t need my help anymore, you know?”

Your attempt at a recovery is unconvincing at best and you just pray that Neteyam won’t pick up on the underlying context. He’d never tell you whether he did or didn’t, though. Neteyam is a smart man. But still, it doesn’t take much more than half a brain and a pair of working eyes to figure out that you had it bad for him. He found it nothing short of adorable how your face would flush when he’d kiss your cheek or how you would stutter and stumble over your words when you’d ask for him to touch you.

“Well, if that is worrying you, then you’ll be happy to know that the ceremony has been postponed.” He says still just mindlessly rubbing his fingertips in shapes on your back.

Instead of happiness, your first emotion is surprise. You pull your face back to be able to look at him to make sure he was being serious. “What? Why?”

He just shrugs his shoulders, “I’m not sure. Apparently, grandmother had a change of opinion and suggested to my parents that we put the whole thing on hold.” “For how long?” “They didn’t say. Just until she is sure again, I guess.”

Your brain tries to figure out what reason Mo’at could possibly have for changing her mind. That was something she rarely ever did. Once she had an idea set in her mind, there was usually no talking her out of it. And, for some reason, your mind keeps flashing back to your conversation with Kiri from earlier.

“Do you need anything?”

“Just time.”

“Alright. Consider it done.”

There’s no way. You thought her demeanor was a little odd, but there’s no way that she managed to pull this off. You try to suppress the small smile that makes its way onto your face. You mentally file away a note to make her the best bracelet your amateur fingers could manage.

Neteyam notices the lift in your expression and it clearly pleases him to see you happy.

“I will always need you. We’ve spent our whole lives together. How could I ever not need you?” The hint of love in his voice and eyes is disarming. How are you supposed to not be completely in love with this man? You place your hands on either side of his face and brush your nose against his with a small giggle. “You are too sweet to me, Teyam.”

For the rest of the night, you both pass your time with just casual conversation. Neteyam tells you what kind of trouble Lo’ak has gotten himself mixed up in lately and you fill him in on the latest gossip among the people. Neteyam isn’t really one for gossip, but he loves seeing how enthusiastic you are with your vivid retellings. Neither of you can keep your hands to yourselves the whole time. You always have to be touching in some kind of way. Sometimes Neteyam has you sit in his lap, sometimes your back is pressed against his chest while you sit between his legs, hand holding, playing with each other’s braids, stolen kisses, longing looks, it’s more intimate than some mated couples.

It’s enough to make you temporarily forget about the tiny truth hiding in your womb behind your still flat stomach.

Once daylight starts threatening to creep in, you both decide to call it a night and sneak back home. Since it’s still so early, you actually accept Neteyam’s offer to walk you home this time. It’s far too early for even the earliest risers to be stirring around so there should be no real harm in it. All the while, your mind is trying to work out the best way to break the news to him. And then comes the fear. You don’t want to lose this. It’s so comfortable and pure and you don’t want to ruin that. But you won’t be able to keep this under wraps for long.

“Thank you for walking me, Teyam. You really didn’t have to.” You say turning to him once you reach your home.

“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I want to make sure you’re safe. Besides, it gives me an excuse to spend an extra few minutes with you.” His slanted grin exposes one of his fangs and you want to roll your eyes at him, but your smile gives you away. You go to turn and walk in, but you stop when he grabs your hand and turns you back to him. His eyes roam up and down your body and his voice is low. “Will I see you later?”

Fuck, he can’t look at you like that and talk like that. You literally can’t say no to him when he looks at you like that. You have to bite your lip just to keep from screaming. “Sure, Nete.” You say his name in a singsong voice teasing him.

He may laugh, but you know that he not-so-secretly loves it. He steps forward to peck your lips one quick time before finally letting go of your hand and watching you walk inside.

Neteyam knows that he’s in a tricky spot. On the one hand, he feels a deep sense of duty to his family, to his people, and to Layao. But on the other hand, he’d be lying if said he was upset about the arrangement being postponed because that means that he gets to hold on to this fantasy a little longer. He gets to fulfill his duty to his own heart. But which one should take precedent? It’s true he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents or his intended mate, but he can’t picture his future without you. Loving you, mating with you, having you bare his children. Not to mention how you not-so-secretly loved him back. It should be just as simple as that, shouldn’t it? He decided that he needs to have a talk with his father.

…

Rays of light beaming through the spaces of your kelku wake you late in the morning. Your stomach flips and threatens to make you spill, but you choke it back down just barely. This nausea feels like it will be the death of you. But you have daily chores to attend to. With a couple of deep breaths and a couple swigs of water, you settle your stomach enough to make it out of bed and out into the village. Today would be the perfect day to help weave some baskets. You can sit still and you can practice your weaving skills. You take a seat near the other women working on their baskets and use your fingers to slowly form the right intertwining pattern.

It’s tricky for you to say the least. Weaving has never really been your strong suit. Trying to understand the way the patterns and lines all come together to form one cohesive object was beyond you, but you give it your best effort regardless.

You get a little distracted by the feeling of eyes on you. When you look up, you can notice some of the other girls looking at you and whispering amongst themselves. That’s a little odd, but you figure it’s nothing worth worrying about.

“What ya working on?” a familiar voice appears right behind you and makes you jump. When you look, a smiling Kiri is crouched behind you.

“Kiri, you nearly made my heart stop!”

She hides her laugh behind her hand, “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. You were just focusing so hard.” She moves around so that she’s sitting next to you now. “So, how did things go?”

You swallow hard trying to find the right words yet again.

“It went fine. We talked…a lot…about a lot of…stuff” you couldn’t sound more unconvincing if you tried.

“You didn’t tell him yet, did you?” you flinch a bit at her deadpan expression and tone.

“It just wasn’t the right time.” “Well, I’ve made sure that you have plenty of that.”

“So it was you!” your voice gets a little louder before you can really catch it.

“Shhhh, keep your voice down! You said you needed time so I bought you some time. But you only have so long before you’re not going to be able to hide it anymore. Plus, I have no clue how long before my grandmother actually makes up her mind. So, whatever you do, you better do it quickly.”

She’s not wrong. And you’re grateful for her help, but what are you supposed to do? How do you break news like this?

“But what am I supposed to say to him, Kiri? ‘Hey Neteyam, I know you’re supposed to be with Layao but, I’m pregnant with your baby’? How well do you really think that will go?” you ask with all the sarcasm you can muster.

“Very well, actually! Even the blind can see how much my brother loves you. And I mean love loves you. Don’t act like you haven’t noticed.”

Your cheeks get hot and you can only look away from her. “The timing just still feels off. I’ll tell him. I will. I just need to find the right time.”

Kiri sighs deeply next to you, “Fine, but just don’t let it get away from you.”

“Alright.”

…

When Neteyam arrives back at his family’s kelku, only his mother and Tuk are there. Neytiri was prepping meat for their dinner and Tuk was working on weaving a small basket for herself. Neytiri smiles at Neteyam when he walks in. “Welcome home ma’itan. Food will be ready soon.” She says barely taking her eyes off her working hands.

“Where is dad? I need to speak with him about something important.”

“Your father is in a strategy meeting.” She says and finally looks at Neteyam to see the apprehension written all over him. “What is it that’s troubling you?” She finally sets down the meat and her knife while she watches him shift his weight from one foot to the other.

Neteyam considers brushing it off as nothing and coming up with some kind of excuse so he could avoid this conversation with his mother. But then he thinks about it a little deeper. Maybe his mom was the right person to start with after all. While she was always strong and firm, she was also incredibly empathetic when it came to her family. She was often the more level-headed one and more willing to hear them out. He relents with a sigh and walks over to help her with prepping the food for dinner while he talks.

“It is about the arrangement with Layao…I am having some doubts about the whole thing. I understand that she is who you and dad and grandmother have chosen and she is a nice girl, but—”

“But you hold someone else in your heart.” She finishes the thought for him. She was always good at that kind of thing.

He finds himself unable to speak and opts to simply nod his head instead while he continues to work on his slicing. Neytiri places a hand on Neteyam’s face and makes him look at her.

“Layao is a good girl and the two of you together is good for the clan.” Neteyam’s stomach drops hearing this. “But, at the end of the day, you need to do what is good for yourself and if it is this other girl, then Eywa will find a way to make it so.” A small glimmer of hope reappears in Neteyam’s eyes.

“It would not be the first time something like this has happened. It’s how I ended up with your father.” She casually drops in.

Neteyam laughs a little to himself remembering all the times his parents would recall their love story to him and his siblings when they were little. It gave him hope that if things could work out for them this well, then maybe Eywa could make something work out for him too.

Neytiri takes the knife and food from Neteyam, “Go, find your father. It sounds like you need to speak to him.” A ghost of a smile sits on her face and Neteyam perks up a bit feeling a new wave of surety. He offers his mother a kiss on the cheek before jumping up from his spot and heading out to search for Jake.

The clan is alive with the hustle and bustle of everyone going about their day and getting their duties done. In the midst of his search for his father, Neteyam hears a call through the crowd of people.

“Neteyam! There you are!”

When he turns around, Layao is already making her way over to him. He sighs a bit because he doesn’t have time for this right now, but he doesn’t want to be rude to the poor girl. It was already bad enough that he was on his way to call off their arrangement. No need to twist the knife by ignoring her too.

“Layao. Were you looking for me?” he asks putting on his best, most casual smile he can right now.

“Yes, I wanted to give you this. I heard that you like yovo fruit and I figured you could use a snack while you’re going about your day. I’m sure you’re very busy.” Her hand rubs at the back of her neck trying to calm her nerves. Neteyam’s heart breaks for her. She’s truly a sweet girl and she is a catch in her own right, but she just isn’t the one that his heart calls for.

“Thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

“It’s nothing. Have you heard the good news?”

“What news?”

“About your friend. She and her mate are being blessed with a child.” Her excitement is evident, but Neteyam feels like his brain just short-circuited.

“She and her mate? A child?” he reiterates to ensure he heard her correctly.

“Yes! She came to me the other day because she was feeling ill and I received the message from Eywa. Isn’t it exciting? But I didn’t know she was mated already. I wonder if it’s Aykxo. Remember when we saw them talking that one day? And then they disappeared off into the forest together after eclipse. It has to be, right? That’s what everyone else is saying.” her smile grows wider while she theorizes about the origin of your unborn baby and the secret of your lover.

Now, Neteyam is the one who’s feeling ill. This couldn’t possibly be true, could it? You would have told him…wouldn’t you?

…

Nerves consume you as you lean against the tree near the shack. Neteyam is late. He usually would be here by now and Neteyam is never one for being late. Maybe he got caught by someone trying to sneak off and he needs more time to get away. Your foot is involuntarily tapping the ground trying to release some of the tension in your body. Suddenly, you hear rustling through the bushes and can faintly make out dramatically swaying braids in the dark.

“Teyam! I was starting to worry that you weren’t coming tonight.” You greet him with a smile and walk towards him as he breaks through the foliage. When you approach him, he takes a step back from you. Your face falls. Neteyam has never avoided your touch before. Especially not recently. Usually, his hands are drawn to you like moths to a flame the second he lays eyes on you.

“What’s wrong?”

His jaw clenches and he’s avoiding looking you in the eye. This isn’t like him at all.

“Neteyam!” your voice gets a little louder urging him to finally look at you and say something. When he does look at you, the sight makes your heart break. His eyes are red and filling with tears and there’s a deep sadness tainting his otherwise flawless face.

“Teyam?” your voice is just above a whisper stepping towards him. Your hand is about to rise to touch his face, but his hand gently stops yours by your wrist.

“Is it true?”

You almost can’t even hear the question with how low his voice is.

“Is what true?” “Are you pregnant?”

Silence. Your entire body stills. It feels like even your lungs have frozen in place and stopped your breath all together. His eyes study your face waiting for some kind of sign or an answer. But, in truth, your silence says it all.

“Is it Aykxo’s?” his voice wavers ever so slightly when he speaks.

“Who did you hear that from?”

“That’s what everyone is saying. And I know you went off with him that night you went into heat.” The hurt in his voice is evident. You want nothing more than to deny it; to tell him the truth. But when your mouth falls open to speak, you can’t seem to find words.

“What’s worse is that you didn’t even tell me. I had to hear it from someone else.”

“Who did you hear it from?” “What does that matter? The point is that it should have come from you.” His voice is more firm with the hurt giving way to agitation.

“Teyam, I wanted to tell you, but it’s complicated…” tears start to well in your eyes ready to spill at a moment’s notice.

“No kidding. And to think, I thought you might actually…” a small sob breaks his sentence and he has to pause to take a breath and recompose himself. “Never mind. I don’t know what I expected. This whole thing was always supposed to be just temporary anyways so why don’t we just cut it here? We’ve got all we needed out of each other so no need to continue anymore.”

“Tey, please don’t do this. Just let me explain—”

“Congratulations on your child.” He turns and walks back through the dense bushes and branches and disappears right before your eyes.

The shock finally subsides and the despair flows through you. Your knees give out and you fall to the ground with tears cascading down your face. Sobs rack your body as you hold your stomach. It’s your worst nightmare come true. The man you love has renounced you and your baby. The baby that you didn’t have the courage to tell him belonged to him. That you belonged to him. Looking down at your belly, you quietly promise your baby that the two of you will make it through this…somehow.

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[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, ZombieCleo, 6/09/24

((Since the first few of these I did seem to be going over well so far, I'm doing some more and we'll see how it goes. I am going to call them Recaps from now on though, because in almost every case I'm working off the VOD, pausing, going back to figure out who said and did what, etc. This Recap is from Cleo's Twitch VOD for Sunday, 6/09. I watched the stream live but parts of it were moving much too fast to note down accurately!))

0:00 Cleo goes live. She is on the Hermitcraft server, in the front yard of her base. She says hello to everyone, especially the weirdos in chat. She realizes the chat has been left in emote-only mode and turns them back on. She tells Chat she has just gone through her mail and there is a lot of it. She got two horn-of-the-month club deliveries at once, and she needs to meet with Joel about armor stand work. She has a sand and gravel coupon and a Mission Possible mission, so much to do!

1:40 Cleo goes into the house, warning Chat as she goes that she has “lored” in here. There are eight books she has written just for this room, all for the lore. She goes back outside and spots Cakebot on the roof, then laughs about how she always sees the bot and, thanks to the long distance and long nametag, thinks it’s Scar sneaking up on her.

2:40 Time to get started! Cleo shows off the Tower, which needs to be dug out into a tower base. They say they are actually working today which doesn’t happen often, especially this past week or two. Cleo has been too sick to reasonably work and so has been taking a sensible rest. A chatter asks if Cleo is going to die today. Cleo says they are feeling better, somewhat, and not going to die. The cats are fighting in the background.

4:20 A chatter asks why their message was deleted. Cleo tells them to read the rules. She greets Cam the mod.

5:30 A chatter engages Cleowo mode. Cleowo interacts with the chat and thanks subs. Today is the first day Cleo has been feeling well enough to go outside in awhile. She quotes The Little Mermaid as a prose poem. The Little Mermaid was the first movie Cleo got to watch in the cinema, and that’s how old she is. A chatter plays a spicy jelly bean. Cleo says they also moved into the new office, which is mostly clean and painted and pretty.

7:45 Cleo leaves to get tissues and wishes everyone a happy Pride. She needs birch wood for the build and goes to find it in the basement. Cleowo mode ends. She thanks subs and donos as she navigates through her base.

9:20 Back at the tower build, Cleo needs to figure out something to do with the roof. They contemplate maybe blocking it off entirely. Chat is trying to remember their first Disney movies. Cleo assures them that this is not a quiz and they don’t need to remember or share that information. ((For the record: the animated The Little Mermaid released in the UK in October 1990. This probably makes Cleo slightly younger than the livestreamer, whose first Disney theater experience was Who Framed Roger Rabbit.))

10:30 A chatter asks if this will be on the test next week. Cleo adopts an extremely ominous voice to reply that nothing will be on the test next week because “NEXT WEEK DOESN’T EXIST!… because it’s an abstract concept.” A chatter plays a cheerful musical sting that makes the whole thing sound like the last punchline in a sitcom.

10:40 A chatter says they will not disclose their first movie because they are too old. Cleo says they are not going to force anyone to disclose anything in chat, movie telling is not mandatory. Everyone is cool here, no narcs allowed in the chat. The mod reminds Chat not to get specific about ages. Cleo agrees and promises that one of these days she will remember to support the mods on that issue, but possibly not soon. Cleo lines up a zinger on herself, delivers it, says that was mean and blames chat for it.

12:00 Back to design talk. Chat continues talking about movies and theatrical productions. Cleo removes most of the mangrove from inside the tower in order to replace it with sandstone. She agrees that the Lion King musical is great and reminds Chat that she is very tired. Being sarcastic all the time can be a problem for her because people don’t always understand it and can become offended very quickly. Chat likes that Cleo is sarcastic. Cleo points out that the people who do get offended tend to leave and then badmouth her on the internet. Her first inclination is to ask them to come back, but then she realizes they would not do well in her chat anyway and so she doesn’t care very much.

15:00 Cleo tells a story of someone who didn’t understand their sarcasm, who got very offended when they said Cleo was wonderful and she replied “I know.” Chat is definitely on Cleo’s side for this one. A chatter says content creators don’t owe the attention of sub thanks to their audience, but Cleo believes that it is important to thank donos and subs, though sometimes she does miss things. She says she is known for being a screwup, even as she misjudges the blocks she is placing for her new wall. She sighs.

17:00 A chatter asks if Cleo is doing anything for Pride. They answer that they do not like in-person events because they are not good with large groups of people, but does participate in Pride things online. Being a member of the community, they feel, gives them a pass on having to do too much stuff. Cleo did enjoy MCC Pride. The tower area is clean now, but needs shaping and a couple of floors.

19:00 Cleo organizes her inventory for building. She has a lot of stuff she doesn’t want or need. She finds sixteen anvils and wonders sarcastically where those could have come from. She needs spruce but doesn’t think she has any. A chatter asks why she doesn’t use background music. Cleo explains that she has an Epidemic Music license for her main channel but not one for the VODs channel where this will be uploaded, and YouTube Music has neither sufficient music nor a good player. Other solutions for royalty-free music has gotten streams muted in the past because of YouTube’s overenthusiastic AI. They tell chat that if Chat has any good suggestions, they are listening. A chatter suggests using the Hotdogs on Your Face song exclusively, but Cleo jokingly claims not to have enough cards for that. Cleo has forgotten what they are doing.

23:50 Cleo thanks the subs. She remembers that she was putting in floors. A chatter plays the Hotdogs On Your Face song. Cleo is now hyperaware of the lack of background music. She says that she is not going to upload this VOD, so she will see about doing some Epidemic music. She asks chat for what genre they want. Suggestions include “Silence,” “Lofi,” “Elevator Muzak,” and “Jazzercise.” She chooses “beach destination chill.” A chatter plays “Hug a Creeper.” Cleo says they’ll get there. A chatter asks Cleo to give some building techniques. Cleo suggests making a build more interesting by starting with a basic structure and then adding purpose-based additions. That is the easiest advice they can give, they are all tapped out for building advice. The chatter admits they were hoping to get some building skill through osmosis. Cleo sadly informs them that she has tried the same thing many times by sitting next to other hermits, but it does not work.

26:30 Cleo goes back to assembling supplies. Pixlriffs raids into the stream. Cleo welcomes the raiders and tells them that in this stream they are being obnoxious and facetious and other ous words. A chatter comments “So a normal Cleo stream?” and they respond “No, this one’s got music in.” They try to build a staircase in the tower and decide a ladder is a much better choice for the space involved. Pix’s chat tell Cleo that Pix was playing Elden Ring, a game Cleo knows nothing about. She hopes they had a fun time.

28:00 Etho is mentioned in chat (due to the “Ladders” nickname and his love of ladders). Cleo tells the chat she didn’t know about the ladders thing for a long time after meeting Etho. She didn’t know Etho before Hermitcraft and thus is much less in awe of him than folks who literally grew up watching his videos. She is aggressively _not_ an Etho fangirl. A chatter says they heard he was washed up. Cleo laughs and jokes that he washes up for supper sometimes. Chat is very enthusiastic about Etho, trying to counter Cleo’s amused dismissiveness with a list of Etho accomplishments. This is difficult because Cleo is not an Etho viewer and does not do redstone and is thus unimpressed by the Etho Hopper Clock.

30:00 Cleo decides to create a secret room to avoid having to deal with the unusually-shaped space at the edge of her base, while simultaneously trying to convince Chat that Etho is Just Some Dude. Chat is having none of it. Chat is also very in favor of Etho and Cleo as a Life Series comedic duo. A chatter mentions that Impulse also has a common redstone device named after him, the sorting system. Cleo declares this fact “cool” and reiterates that the things they know about the Hermits could fill a very small book, or maybe a pamphlet.

32:00 Cleo thanks the donos and subs, and makes a few more Etho jokes. They work on coming up with a design for the entrance to the secret room. Chat is still in Etho-mode and suggests maybe Cleo is secretly obssessed with Etho. Cleo points out that they didn’t even bring Etho up, only responded to Chat bringing him up in the first place. She assures Chat her days of not taking Chat seriously are coming to a middle. She blames Chat fully for this.

35:00 Cleo mentions new TCG cards are coming. Two of Cleo’s cards are already done and they are very good! A chatter activates Hydration time and everyone has a drink. Another chatter asks why Etho fans are here and not on Etho’s stream. Cleo laughs and asks why Etho fans are so obsessed with her. A chatter activates Posture Check Time. Cleo’s TCG cards are always good because they choose amazing artists, but they will not say too much so as not to give anything away.

37:30 A chatter asks how Cleo is feeling after Doc’s pigicide. Cleo answers “Litigious.” The tower elevator is coming together and needs signage. A chatter asks what her favorite minigame is, besides Decked Out. Cleo points out that they do not play very many minigames so don’t really have a favorite. They put signs in the elevator shaft to hold back the water.

40:00 A chatter asks what kinds of builds and genres Cleo would like to try in the future. Cleo says she mostly just builds what she is feeling at the time and doesn’t care too much about overarching themes or what other people think about it. She begins filling the elevator with water source blocks. A chatter says the build reminds them of the Owl House. Cleo does not know what the Owl House is.

42:00 Xisuma joins the server, says hello via in-game chat, and asks what Cleo is up to. Cleo tells Xisuma she is finishing her builds before Thursday, then explains to Chat that Things are happening on Thursday. Xisuma asks Cleo if Thursday is a secret. Cleo is not sure but says the details are probably a secret. Chat suspects that it is either a court case or base tours. Xisuma asks if Cleo needs anything, but they reply they are nearly ready and just have to finish building.

44:20 A chatter say that it is not difficult to guess what is happening, Cleo invites them to actually guess, if it is so easy. She says no special guests and no court case is happening, just Hermits doing Hermit stuff. A chatter says Joe mentioned base tours after the Hermitcraft meeting. Another chatter guesses update day, but Cleo explains that only Xisuma cares about update day. Xisuma messages again to offer wood and Cleo asks for spruce for the floors.

46:30 Cleo finishes the elevator and jumps down for more supplies. A chatter plays the Feral Ghoul sound from Fallout and startles her. Cub logs onto the server and exchanges greetings.

47:30 Cleo says there are a lot of things that need to be figured out right now, like whether a particle effect from ender chests goes through slabs. They currently have a floor that seems to consist of dark gray wool, carpets, and ender chests. Cleo takes up some of the wool and carpet and begins placing slabs over the chests. The answer appears to be “kind of.” A few particles are making their way through the wood slabs. A chatter who is the maker of the Armor Poser mod proudly announces that the mod is ready for 1.21 and hopes Cleo is excited. Cleo congratulates them and endorses the mod to Chat but says she has no input on when the Hermitcraft server will actually update. Chat notices that Cleo has not confirmed or denied base tours as a possibility. Cleo says they can see why chat might think that and continues not to confirm or deny. Xisuma drops off some spruce and flies away like the Lumber Fairy. Cleo declares that X is the best and has forgotten again what she is doing. A chatter plays Sour Jellybean.

50:40 Cleo remembers it is time to Hug a Creeper. They set spawn and fly into the air, falling from a high place. They collect up their bits while gloating about being able to legally claim sour jellybeans as a business expense. Pearl signs on to the server

51:50 Cleo responds to a chat suggestion that trapdoors might let in more particles than slabs do. They make a bunch of spruce trapdoors from some of Xisuma’s logs and place some of them down, but it’s hard to see the particles in the current testing area. Cleo begins picking up the floor to move elsewhere and mentions receiving a troubling message from Pearl in the mail. She flies down to her mailbox and shows the large quantity of mail parcels she talked about at the beginning of the stream, including one that contains a single block of purpur and requests that Hermits buy more purpur from Pearl. Cleo confesses that she doesn’t like purpur at all but feels like she should maybe buy some from Pearl anyway as she clearly seems to be suffering. Chat somerwhat incoherently tries to inform Cleo that the parcel is from Joel, who lost a bet with Pearl and was forced to advertise the Purr-Purr shop and raise sales for Pearl. Cleo eventually parses what Chat is trying to say and is no longer concerned about Pearl’s message.

55:00 Cleo goes back to picking up the trial floor from the wizard tower. Pearl writes in the in-game chat that Chat has been losing her sales since 2024. Cleo tells her that purpur is gross, but because it is Pearl selling it, they will buy some. Cleo likes the look of spruce trapdoors over ender chests and decides to buy purpur in celebration. Chat asks what time it is for Pearl. Cleo believes it’s around 6am, Pearl-time. Pearl says she has a minigame to build. Cleo tries to convince her she does not have to build minigames at 6am.

57:10 Cleo arrives at the purr-purr bus and admires the new dumpster, saying it’s a good addition. She doesn’t really understand how Iskall can hate diorite so much when purpur exists and is a much better target. They shake their head over the prices in the shop but buy a bunch of chorus fruit to make end rods, plus some end stone. According to Cleo, buying purpur-adjacent things definitely counts as supporting the shop. Pearl is grateful. Cleo says that Pearl is undercharging and pays extra for all the chorus fruit. As Cleo flies away she notes that between herself and Cub, they have most of the server’s money right now.

59:30 A chatter asks what the bottom half of the vTuber looks like. Cleo adjusts their stream position to make the entire vTuber figure visible. Chat is impressed that Cleo has legs. FalseSymmetry, in stream chat, comments “omg legs (in caps)” to circumvent the stream rule against all-caps. Cleo shows off the limited set of movements available to the full-body figure, then puts the figure back in the usual place.

1:01:00 A chatter mentions that the vtuber figure can walk and can be used to replace the default character in certain games such as Valheim. Cleo confirms that it can be used for some games, like Valorant, and she could stomp around in there as Cleo if she wanted to. She cannot use the model on VR games because it is above the poly count. It’s primarily intended for vtubing. Using it for VR would be pretty rough on game performance.

1:02:15 Someone plays the Poe Poe Siren (Skizz singing the Poe Poe song) outside Cleo’s base. It is definitely Scar, who just signed onto the server. Cleo fetches their own horns and plays Skizz’s “Dang it, Scar!” horn, then yells for Scar to come back with a warrant. They go back inside just in time for Scar to play Xisuma’s “This is Illegal!” horn.

1:03:00 Cleo realizes that this is a war. She plays Etho’s “There was some kidnapping involved” horn.

Scar retaliates with his own “Trader Scar’s not going to eat you” horn.

Cleo plays Grian’s “I’m eating a curly-whirly right now” horn.

Scar plays Impulse’s “Say it and we’ll bleep it out” horn.

Cleo plays her own “Oh no-woh, not Joe-wo” horn.

Scar plays Ren’s “I’d like to see your butt, please” horn.

1:04:10 Cleo yells to Scar that she has run out of horns and demands to know where he is. Scar flies overhead and repeats the Ren horn, followed immediately by the Michael Scott “I declare Bankruptcy” horn. Cleo giggles and declares she needs to buy more horns, then remembers she has an ace in the hole. She heads for her mailbox, finds and plays the “I see you” horn from the Horn of the Month Club.

1:05:15 False logs into the server just long enough to play her own “OMG hiiiiii” horn, then logs out. Cleo play’s Gem’s “That’s Amazing!” horn. Th3Pooka raids into the stream.

1:05:45 Cleo thanks the raiders and welcomes subs. They have once again forgotten what they are doing. Chat reminds them that they are working on flooring.

1:07:00 Someone plays a horn from The Office outside. Cleo plays the “I see you” horn, explaining that even if she doesn’t see him, she has to play the horn. She returns to working on her floors. A chatter asks what program the vTuber model was made in. Cleo does not know but points the chatter to the link for the designer, MotherLyra. Zedaph suffocates in a wall.

1:08:20 Someone plays the MGM Lion horn, startling Cleo. They follow it up with a horn (maybe Etho or xB?) saying “I chop, I dig, your mom is really big.” Cleo plays the “Dang it, Scar” horn again. Someone plays Scar’s “Take a look at how big my booty is” horn. Cleo plays Tango’s “I see you” horn again and yells to Scar that she only has limited horns . Scar, who is stream-sniping, disclaims responsibility in in-game chat, even as someone plays Iskall’s “What are you doing?” horn. Cleo guesses it must be Cub. Cleo decides it’s either Scar or Cub, or both, or Pearl, or Tango, or Xisuma. Scar asks Cub in chat where the alien horn is.

1:09:50 Cleo attempts to go back to work, while admitting that they are not trying very hard to work. A chatter asks why Cleo has so many ender chests. Cleo says it is for the particle effects, then jokes it is because they have an addiction but most people don’t comment on it. In game chat, Cub tells Scar that the alien horn should be at the shop unless someone already bought it. Cleo wants to know more about the alien horn. Outside the window, Pearl plays Scar’s booty horn again and flies away. Cleo plays the “I see you” horn again. Zedaph suffocates in a wall again.

1:11:10 Cleo bemoans her own lack of horns, while Scar suggests that the alien horn has probably been sold. A chatter plays a scary noise, but Cleo is currently immune thanks to all the horn shenanigans. They go back to work, declaring loudly that they are feeling bullied, and it is because the hermits are bullying them. It’s not just one of those feelings, it is definitely bullying. Pearl assures Cleo in chat that it is only love. Cleo replies that one can bully with love, and invites Chat to “Ask me how I know.”

1:12:10 Cleo asks Cub if he’s done the Xisuma legs horn yet. Cub says not yet, but maybe for next batch. Cleo is pleased about that possibility. They want to hear the legs horn, because it is weird. False rejoins the server. Xisuma, who has been silent for a long while, asks what about his legs in game chat.

Cleo tells him they’re very pretty. Cub explains that Xisuma made a remark that tickled Cleo. X says thanks and that he never skips leg day. Cleo chuckles and mutters “nerd”

1:13:30 Cleo confesses proudly in game chat that they always skip leg day. Scar thinks someone got the alien horn from the shop and appears uncertain about what to do. A chatter plays Xisuma’s “Legs Legs Legs LEGS!” sound, which Cleo had forgotten was an available bits-reward sound on their channel. Scar plays the “Darth Vader Breathing” horn but Cleo is distracted. A chatter asks where the Legs soundbyte is from, and Cleo tells them it’s from MCC Pride where they were on a team together. Scar plays the Michael Scott “Inside Joke” horn. Cleo greets Scar and/or Pearl, possibly both or neither, whoever is out to get her, specifically.

1:15:15 Cleo talks about MCC Pride and hopes no one was expecting them to win. Scott has not officially told Cleo that they are being added to teams as a nerf, but that it’s just generally known. Cleo’s role in MCC is “ballast.” Scar asks Pearl if she bought the Alien horn, Pearl does not know what he is talking about. Someone plays the “Hello there!” horn. Cleo runs outside yelling “Oh my god, hiiii!” but no one is there. Cleo is disappointed, and asks that whoever is blowing horns at least say who they are. Chat believes it’s definitely Scar. Cleo plays the “Dang it Scar!” horn again.

1:16:45 Zedaph falls out of the world. Xisuma describes this as Zed doing Zed things. Cleo agrees and says that’s pretty much his job. A chatter asks Cleo what is their favorite “Cleo thing” to do. They say sleeping, mostly. A chatter asks if Cleo has any information on books or info about lgbtq+ issues. Cleo says not really, they don’t read up on it much, just experience it from their own perspective. They refer the chatter back to the chat for recommendations.

1:19:00 A chatter asks why the floor only has a certain number of ender chests under it. Cleo explains that it’s going to be a summoning circle, and the ender chests are in a circle under the floor to provide particles in that exact spot. A chatter asks about using a spore blossom for more effect, but Cleo explains the range is too wide. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Another chatter plays a door noise. Cleo turns the music back on. A chatter notes that Cleo now has a convenient crawlspace under the floor. Cleo agrees, but says they did not plan it that way, because planning is for losers. She parenthetically adds that she is a loser. Zedaph blames Tango for his untimely death in in-game chat. Cleo agrees that most things are Tango’s fault.

1:21:30 A chatter asks how people are playing noises and jellybeans, Cleo explains the Streamloots program. Another chatter admits that they have read a great deal of fiction and anecdotes about the lgbtq+ experience, but not much nonfiction and nothing to really recommend. Cleo agrees that this seems pretty common, and talks about how if mainstream sources won’t provide gayness, the community will make it for themselves. A chatter plays Favorite Things, and Cleo says mostly intangible things, like the way you feel in the morning when the sun is rising and you know people you hate are suffering. She says she doesn’t understand why people think she’s so sinister all the time. She also likes petrichor.

1:23:45 Cleo begins texturing the new floor with slightly lower trapdoors in places. They talk with Chat about queerness in history and how it is difficult to know exactly what it was like in the past because so many things were different. They reorganize their inventory again and go into the mines to find a box of crystals for decoration. Cleo is too tired for in-depth discussion on these serious topics and just needs to get some crystals. A chatter puts the chat into emote-only mode, Cleo refers to that as the “Cleo says stop” button.

1:28:00 Cleo finds the geode and begins harvesting crystals. They love amethyst noises, and wants to put amethyst under carpet someplace in the build. There are not as many crystals as Cleo was hoping for, and they take some time to free up more faces on the crystal-producing blocks. “Crystals are going to become important!” she teases. She agrees with chat that amethyst needs more block variations, since it is a far nicer color than purpur. The crystal noises are very soothing.

1:31:20 Cleo says that the most annoying thing you can call a geologist is a “crystal girlie.” Chat does not understand the term. A chatter says their geologist friend doesn’t like being called a rock-licker. Cleo says rock-licker is fine and if they don’t want to be called a rock-licker they should stop licking rocks. Cleo explains that a crystal girlie is someone who believes in crystals for healing and energy alignment, rather than studying them scientifically. Chat has a discussion about eating rocks. Cleo advises that many rocks are inert and can be licked, but that one should not lick rocks instead of taking medicine. Some rocks should not be licked at all. Cleo specially advises Chat not to eat uranium and suggests (then immediately unsuggests) that they look up radium girls. ((A sad story from history of some workers who became the reason for later regulations.))

1:36:00 Cleo transforms her crystals into “charged crystals” by renaming them on an anvil, then puts them in a similarly-transformed “Lead-lined Storage Crate.” The box goes into the new tower room for decoration. A chatter plays Teeny-tiny Zombie Cleo, Cleo sings the song. Cleo looks for one of the lore books in the library room that has information about crystals. They do not find it, but find a note about crystals in a cupboard. Pearl asks in chat for verdant froglights. Joe has been buying all Etho’s stock, but Cleo has some in storage. She invites Pearl over to get some. A chatter plays spicy jellybean.

1:41:10 Pearl arrives and yells hello. Cleo provides her with several stacks of verdant froglights, even though Pearl only truly needed four. Pearl is happy for the extra froglights because she likes the green tinged light. Cleo says green-tinge is the best tinge. Pearl says that pearlescent froglights are also pretty great. Cleo says they’re not her favorite. Pearl says she’ll let that slide because Cleo has been so generous and flies away. Cleo blesses Pearl’s little cotton socks and calls her adorable.

1:42:30 A chatter says that Pearl was their first introduction to Hermitcraft. Cleo says that is valid but also unusual, Pearl is not one of the more common vectors into Hermitcraft. A chatter plays Giant. The first chatter explains that they started watching in S8 with Pearl and Gem and their friends. Cleo is happy about how the community has grown. They also can’t wait for the new paintings. Cleo creates a painting to cover the secret door, but does not particularly like the only design that covers the space.

1:45:00 Cleo declares it’s time to clean up the roof, because it looks like arse. Pretty arse, but arse. They are not worried about structural integrity because magic, but some crossbeams would look nice. Cleo says that sometimes it is hard to explain their thought process while building because sometimes there is no thought, just building. They begin adding crossbeams to the interior roof and talking about building process or the lack thereof.

1:49:40 A chatter asks if Cleo has a favorite fan song. Cleo says no, they have not heard many and generally try to keep their research in a bubble. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Cleo says she will watch most Hermit stuff, but the fan stuff can be biting. She wants to keep just a little sliver of joy in her life. She goes on to clarify that “I’ve got two diamonds” and other songs written just for her are exceptions, but fan stuff can be mean in general and she avoids it. A chatter mentions that Doc talks about fanfiction on stream all the time. Cleo says Doc is insane. They don’t need to worry about what Doc is doing, because it is always THE WRONG THING. Chat is not happy about the idea of anyone being mean to Cleo. Cleo clarifies that in fan spaces, fans tend to assume she will not be there, and they tend to speak their minds bluntly. When they’re talking about the character, it’s just opinion, but when they talk about her as a person, it’s hard to deal with. Cleo does not fault the fans, it is a difference of perception between Cleo as the person and Cleo as the character. What they are doing is not harmful in itself, but Cleo seeing it is harmful because it makes her feel bad and she has learned to avoid it. At the same time, 99.9% of the fandom is lovely.

1:55:20 A chatter says their partner is trying to watch every hermit, but doing so during Decked out in S9 got pretty tiring. Cleo does not recommend trying to watch every Hermit because that is too much and too difficult. They realize that many people like other hermits more than they like them, and they’re okay with that. They will never be everyone’s favorite and that is fine. Pearl, in in-game chat, agrees that Hermitcraft is fantastic because of its wide variety of creator styles. Cleo has a hard time finding her saplings and wonders if they might be in the orphan-crushing machine. Chat is confused about the orphan-crushing machine, which appears to be a bonemeal farm. A chatter plays Hydration Time.

1:58:00 Cleo reiterates that they avoid fan spaces and explains that fans sometimes just say rude things on the internet. She can know that a take is bad (“Cleo doesn’t deserve to be on Hermitcraft’) but that doesn’t mean it won’t sting. Pearl chimes in with a story about a Tiktok she saw where all the comments were kind except the ones about her. Cleo is instantly sympathetic and assures Pearl she is wonderful while threatening the lives of the haters. Tango alerts the server to potential lag incoming. Cleo says she doesn’t mind living and letting live with people who are mean to her, but nobody can say bad things about Pearl. Pearl says that most of the community is wonderful and she’s just getting used to living with the bad part. Cleo asks for advice about how to do that, because she has been on Hermitcraft for nine seasons and it is still hard. Cleo talks about the fine line between not feeding the trolls and not clapping back when it would be better to do so. A chatter plays Favorite Things. Cleo says it’s the mail system, because they had nine messages today and it was cool.

2:03:00 Pearl messages that when she starts feeling bad about fan negativity, she reminds herself that she shouldn’t care about the opinion of anybody she wouldn’t be willing to take advice from. It is silly to let the words of the haters have any impact. Cleo agrees that this is valid. They would not listen to those people’s advice, and would also probably say something very nasty to them. A chatter plays gross jellybean, much to Cleo’s chagrin. A chatter plays Giant Zombie. The jellybean is bubblegum, but Cleo would’ve actually preferred the mouthwash alternative. Bubble gum is a bad flavor.

2:05:50 Cleo wonders sometimes if she goes a bit too far, and mentions she might have been a bit too enthusiastic in verbal sparring with Doc. They reiterate the information about their TCG cards and the new expansion. The crossbeams are almost finished, and Cleo adds some above the windows. A chatter says they would not want to make Cleo mad, and Cleo confesses their bark is much worse than their bite. She also does fake anger a lot, because it is funny. When Doc killed the pig, she did get a bit too into the bit, but it was okay in the end. Doc shouldn’t have killed the pig! It’s okay, Cleo says, because he’ll suffer. A chatter asks what an HHH stream is. Cleo explains it is Hermits Helping Hermits and they haven’t done one for awhile because they and Joe are both busy. Cleo thinks she may have frightened Doc just a little bit and laughs about it.

2:10:10 A chatter plays Cleowo. Cleo says she doesn’t think Doc’s scared of her, more that he felt sort of guilty when the pig thing turned out bigger than he intended it to be. A chatter suggests that Doc didn’t realize Cleo was serious when they said they were attached to the pig. Cleo agrees that’s exactly what happened. Cleo has finished one building and has another one started, but they need to decide what is going to go inside on each floor. She takes a tour through the building. A chat plays emote only mode.

2:13:20 Cleo says it’s about time to call it a stream. They switch to big Vtuber mode and thank the chat for subs and donos. They insist that nobody sends them anymore firstborn children because they already have too many of them. Cleo raids into a non-hermit friend and ends the stream.

[purecantarella]

Behind the Scenes

short jihyo fic because her solo made me feral in the best wayyyy AHAHAHAH i hope yall will enjoy this one and do stream the zyolo 💓 park jihyo x reader disclaimer/s : none, this is purely floof and i needed this floof in my life rn

"...by tomorrow we'll be having consultation for the outfits in the videos and once alterations have been made to suit you, we'll proceed to filming." Jihyo's manager finished briefing her for the preparation of her first solo. The vocalist was rather excited for the whole ordeal but at the same time it was still nerve wracking.

Her manager, seeing how distraught the singer was, smiled warmly before placing their phone down. "You're going to be amazing, you're going to look amazing. It's going to be a breathtaking debut." Pausing to stand up from the table they sat at, "Don't stress too much about it."

Try as she had, there was no getting the thoughts out of her head. All her thoughts, all the negative ideas in her head vanished in an instant when you ran into the room. Panting for air, mussed hair, and a stack of unorderly papers clutched in your arm.

You'd been running yourself ragged trying to keep your boss happy, working as an assistant to one of the clothing directors in the building. It was good work experience if you ever wanted to work in a field like hers. A shocked expression finds its way to your face when you see Jihyo staring at you, suppressing a giggle.

You smile sheepishly before bowing lowly. Hopeful, you look around the room, silently praying that another staff member was around to ask for directions around the massive building. The singer notices the look on your face, wanting to put you out of your misery she asks, "Anything in particular you're looking for?"

A nervous laugh claws its way out of your throat before you shift the papers to one arm, scratching the back of your neck. "I seem to have lost my boss and I think she might kill me if she finds out I'm asking you of all people about it."

In spite of the fact you were clearly on edge to talk to one of the influential idols in the company, Jihyo was charmed by you. She smiles before placing the mug back down on the table in front of her. "Depends what department your boss is from...Could be from anywhere."

You hear the teasing nature in her voice which makes you chuckle softly. "I'm working with wardrobe for a few artists, if I do well they might consider hiring me full time." You explain, straightening your posture.

The singer nods, eyes never straying from you. The intensity in her gaze leaving you absolutely speechless and in awe. "I'm pretty sure you'll find everyone on the third floor. That's where we usually have fittings before promotions anyway."

You nod quickly and are out the door in a flash, making Jihyo burst out laughing. In a second you were back, "Thank you so much...uh...yeah that's all. I hope to see you around!" You add before leaving again, the remainder of the singer's smile grows.

"I hope so too, little ball of sunshine." She whispers to herself before taking another sip of her drink. The thoughts of her solo drifting far away, in its place the thought of the easily-frazzled, new hire.

The next day, Jihyo was far too tired to even listen to the things her members were trying to pep her up with. She appreciated them nonetheless but none of it was sinking into her. She was nothing but a ticking time bomb waiting to explode then and there.

Upon walking into the fitting room though, she found herself staring at you as you plucked each outfit from the rack.

She couldn't help the smile that bloomed on her face when she saw your focused look. You were much more composed than when she first saw you. "Didn't think I'd see you again so soon." Jihyo says while walking up to you. It made her heart soar when she saw the composed expression just melt away into one of shock. After a giggle, she continues, "Would have caught your name if I'd known."

You smile and bow before her stylist, your boss, walks in with a dumbfounded look on her face when she sees you talking to Jihyo. You flinch before looking down at the sketches of other designs for other shoots. "I'll just have these sent to the execs assistants for approval-"

Before you could jolt out of the room, much like you did the day before, Jihyo took you boldly by the wrist. "No, I'd like it if you stayed." You and the other stylists were rather taken aback. Artists could ask for these types of things, but ordinarily they wouldn't ask interns to stay.

You look to the stylist for approval and when she nods off, you place the papers back down. Silently, listening and watching intently as the group discussed the outfits for the video and then the ones for the stage performances. Taking in every ounce of it. It was good experience on your end to just be sitting in the same room as them. However, it was rather difficult for you to focus with Park Jihyo sitting mere feet away from you.

Then Jihyo took you by surprise again.

"What do you think?" She asks looking in your direction. Your snapped out of the hazy thoughts. The lead stylist tries to distract her from asking you anything. She had nothing against you, but she was well aware you were new. As respectfully as she could, Jihyo pipes up, "I truly appreciate the effort, unnie, but I just want a fresh perspective on everything."

All eyes are on you again as she stares at you with a gentle smile, "If you were watching the music video, which outfit would be the most eye catching." You think for a moment, standing to get a better look at the photos of the designs.

Jihyo watches as your brows crease together, trying to figure out which one was the best. There's an adoration that blooms in her chest when you sort through every piece and as you stand upright with a photo of a top in hand. It's a photo of a black tube top with a denim accent, and you walk to the racks, sifting through the options on display.

She sees you smile as you pull out a pair of baggy denim jeans. "I think that this..." You lift the photo, then the pair of pants, "And this would be perfect...it's trendy right now and it would accentuate your..." You pause, clearing your throat, "...assets while still being comfortable enough to perform whatever choreography you have lined up."

You pause again, Jihyo smiles wider as you continue. "And for your hair it would be nice if you did something similar to what you did during the Alcohol Free performances, half up-half down with gold accessories to break up the primarily denim and blue colors." You finish with a proud smile.

You realize that you'd taken over the meeting and blush embarrassed. Again, you clear your throat, placing the pants back on the rack and the photo back on the table. "But that's just what I think anyway..." You say as your shoulders tense up. Finding your seat an entire table away from Jihyo again.

You're fully prepared to melt into the ground there and then when suddenly, "I love it." You look up and see Jihyo's wide, proud smile. A jolt in your chest made a small smile grow on your lips. "She has a point...with everything."

There's a swell of pride in your chest as the discussion of the rest of her outfits continues. You catch her sneaking glances your way and it leaves you flustered and blushing every time.

By the end of the meeting, the lead stylist smiled and whispered that you did a good job before leaving to meet with another group for their comeback wardrobe. You stayed a little longer to organize the files left on the table. All the while you were grinning thinking that Park Jihyo loved your ideas. That you were given the opportunity to play a bigger role than what you'd originally thought.

You'd always admired Jihyo, even before you met her personally. You weren't much of a fan of TWICE but you'd seen videos of how she was a competent and loving leader, an amazing vocalist, and one of the kindest people in the industry. The idea of her being exactly as her public image had your heart melting.

Not a lot of idols you'd met were anything close to the personas they projected.

You were pretty much done with fixing the rest of the files and photos when there was a light knock at the door. You lift your head to see the wide, bright eyes you couldn't get out of your head since yesterday. The smile on your face doubles in size and it clearly pleases Jihyo.

"Don't go running out just yet, please?" She teased, you blush and press your hands flat down on the papers in front of you. "It seems like you're in a rush every time I see you."

You chuckle softly before Jihyo walks up to you. "I just wanted to get your name before things get too crazy."

A brow immediately shoots up and a burst of confidence surges through you. "Just my name...?" You see the shock on Jihyo's expression and you're ready to take it all back in a heartbeat. But it morphs into one of amusement and a certain boldness to it.

"You're an interesting one aren't you?" Her laugh echoes through the empty room. "It might sound stupid, but I calm down when you're around. Everything doesn't seem as daunting..." The singer trails off, her gaze trailing from you.

There's a silence. It isn't uncomfortable. But it lingers, it's soft and the atmosphere is warm. The confidence still surging through you, you walk up to her, one of the stray papers in your hand. Quickly yet neatly, you jot your number down on the sheet with your name. You place it in front of her.

The singer looks at you, eyes warm but there was a lingering fear that had always been there. Before you know it, you're beside her with your hand on her shoulder. You take a deep breath, "Should everything become too much or overwhelming. I'm always willing to be behind the scenes helping you through it."

You smile, return to where you once stood preparing yourself to lug the other files to executives and to other designers and stylists. The smile returns to her face as you pick up the papers.

"I'll see you around, Jihyo." You say as you wave swiftly before disappearing out the door once again. The singer smiles warmly watching you run down the halls.

She presses her hand to her chest, as she reads the note you left. A serenity washing over her as she whispers, "I'll see you around, Y/n..."

okay this came out so much messier and so much later than i had intended ???? im working on getting back into the mindset of writing and back into the minds and personas of idols AHAHAHAHAH i hope yall enjoyed this regardless tho :"") i can't promise when i'll come back but i have a lotta drafts i wanna get out soon but until then, i hope you lovelies are keeping safe and healthy!! i love you all vv much and i will see you soon 💓 - r

[sinfulslytherin]

Show me.

First time?

Summary: Your best friend drags you to a Slytherin party for the first time in your life. You are usually not that outgoing and haven't had any experiences with partoes,alcohol or boys yet. But you meet Draco Malfoy at the part...

Amelia and I both make our way to the common room, which is already filled up with all the Slytherins.

Loud music streams through my body and the smell of liquor hits my nose.

"Do you want a drink?" Amelia asks.

"Sure, as long as they have something sweet." I answer.

She smiles as she takes my hand and leads me to a huge table with many drinking options. Amelia starts to mix me a red-ish drink.

"Here- is that sweet enough?" Seh asks as she hands me the drink.

I take a sip and my eyes widen at the good taste. You barely taste the alcohol.

I eagerly nod at her as I take another sip.

Amelia and I stay at the table for a bit as we drink 2-3 drinks and talk a bit and laugh at the jokes we make.

"Do you wanna dance?" She suddenly asks.

"No, I'm not drunk enough for that." I joke "-But you should go, I'll stay here." I smile at her.

I know thaz she wants to look for Blaise  in the crowd.

"I'll be back."

She gives me one more smile before she takes her drink and leaves.

I look around as I realize that I am actually alone. I try to ignore the insecure feeling creeping up on me as I keep on drinking.

The last drop of liquor hits my tpunge as I realize that my drink is empty.

I mentally curse at myself.

"Shit..what did she mix me.." I talk to myself as I look at the huge option of sodas and liquors standing on the table.

"Need some help?" Suddenly someone asks.

My head turns to the left as I see Draco Malfoy standing next to me.

"N-no...thanks" I ditch him as my gaze falls back to the table.

I grab a bottle in order to look at it.It's hard to read anything that's written on it due to the dim light and my tipsy state. I shrug with my shoulders as I'm about to fill it in my cup.

Suddenly a hand snatches the bottle away.

"Hey,hey,hey-That's Stroh-This stuff has 80%-Are you trying to get an alcohol poisoning?" Draco says in a stern voice as he places the bottle as far as he can away from me.

I look at him confused.

"I had no idea what that is.."  I admit as I look at him.

"Is this your first time drinking?" He asks while raising one eyebrow.

"It's my first time at a party." I admit as I turn back to the table and look for another drinking option.

I hear a sigh next to me as I suddenly feel Dracos shoulder brush against mine.

I look next to me only to find him grabbing a few bottles and snatching my cup from my hand.

"Do you prefer sweet drinks or-" He tries to ask but I interrupt him.

"Sweet!" I eagerly say.

He lightly chuckles as he starts to mix something. I watch him as I wait for my drink.

His drink looks different it has a dark blue-ish color. He hands me my cup.

"Try that." He says.

I take a sip from the drink.

My eyes widen. This drink is stronger but tastes even better tham Amelias drink.

"Don't take drinks from strangers, though." He suddenly says.

I look up at him and chuckle.

"Aren't you a stranger to me?"

He looks at me, smirks and extends his hand.

"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."

I grab his hand in order to shake it.

"Xenia. Xenia Brown." I answer.

____________________________________

So this is my new story!-I hope yall are going to like it <3

(Yes, I'll still continue 'Guillotine' :3)

You can read the whole chapter down below~

I am grateful for any kind of feedback!

[folkwhore1998]

I just don't understand...

how you don't miss me in the black dog

I had no idea what to expect with this album. Taylor's brand is "never let them know your next move"

So, was it going to be more of a folklore/evermore/red vibe? Or was it going to be pop in the way midnights was? I did not think it was going to be straight up pop, but you just never know. I don't have cable so it can be really hard for me to watch award shows in real time, so I pulled a few strings so I could stream the grammys and thank god I did. I could not believe the album announcement and I was honestly gagged about the whole thing.

Now... This is a devastatingly beautiful album and is so vulnerable and raw.

The Prophecy... she literally said "I will go bankrupt. I will give up everything because I am hurting so much I need someone to tell me things are going to be okay and I don't care what I have to do to get this confirmation/assurance. I just want someone to love me the way I love them and I don't care about the superficial things." and she was so real for that.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived... the first time I listened to it was like 12:30 AM on album release night/day, and I was yaknow, chilling, listening. and then we hit the bridge... my jaw hit the floor. I literally shot up in bed and was like "holy fuck." when i thought the song was wrapping up, it just kept going. Obviously I had to listen to it again right after it ended. (and I am NOT mad about it. I feel this song in my bones) ((My fiance was also dead asleep during all of this and I made him listen to it at like 10 AM the following day))

(peace: i'll die for you in secret ➜ TSMWEL: i would have died for your sins) ((actually screaming crying vomiting idk))

My favorite part of when she sings this on the eras tour is when she says "hey.. give this message to the smallest man who ever lived" and then turns to the audience and starts singing the bridge. She's like "Yup- heres this message, and another thing- fuck you!" literally incredible. i have an emotional attachment to this song. I could write an essay and honestly, maybe I will.

It's so funny to me because every time Taylor puts out a new album, there are some songs that I hear where i'm like "WOW. This is it. This is the song. She summed up my entire experience in a way I never could. I don't know how much more accurate she could get." And then she comes out with some insane song that keeps the cycle going.

(it's the cycle that keeps on giving and the cycle that keeps me alive! no, seriously. when i was in the hospital at one point in my life, i was asked everyday "and what is something you want to live for?" my answer: my cat and taylor swift's music")

All of this to say... I am so happy I was/am medicated when this album came out.

Here is my ranking of the Tortured Poets Department! (This was incredibly difficult because all of the songs are just so good. Noting that I don't think that any song is a bad song.)

The Black Dog

The Smallest Man

The Prophecy

How Did It End?

Guilty As Sin

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

loml (but sometimes it changes places- just depends on the day, but it never goes lower)

Fresh Out The Slammer

But, Daddy I Love Him

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

So Long, London

Down Bad

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

So High School

I Hate It Here

TTPD

Fortnight

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Peter

Cassandra

Flordia!!!

The Alchemy

The Bolter

thanK you aIMee (thank You aimEe)

Clara Bow

The Albatross

The Manuscript

imgonnagetyouback

I Look In People's Windows

Robin

I Can Fix Him (no really I can)

Honorable mentions:

CHILLS

I was so shocked (I watched on a grainy livestream)

When I say I sobbed, I'm not joking. I texted my sister and said "You need to get on this livestream RIGHT NOW.

Check out these small businesses:

Here is the link to a down bad t-shirt: So good for the gym and its a comfort colors t-shirt!

Direct link to the storefront: They have so many cool items!

Check out the link: It's a TTPD vinyl/cd holder and it is actually the coolest thing I've ever seen (I will be purchasing)

Direct link to the storefront: There are a few different options! Check them out!

@taylorswift @taylornation @taylorswift @taylornation

[simslegacy5083]

Today's (10/30/2024) Episode: An Evening of Contests

After a morning spent gaming and learning indoors, Luigi’s family and their foundation friends were ready to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine.

He’d prepared a fun and wholesome event to cap off the foundation livestream, gathering everyone on a nearby beach. Isra, who still worked at the Observe to Conserve foundation took point, explaining a bit of the conservation work they did, and also specifically how trash left on the beach by careless Sims could harm not just the beauty of the environment, but also the health of the native plants and animals living there.

Then she and Luigi showed off a collection of prizes. They divided the attendees into small groups and promised first choice of prizes to whichever group collected the most trash over the next hour or so.

The kids of various ages were excited to roam up and down the beach, picking up anything that didn’t belong and collecting inventories full of trash they hoped to exchange for priority access to one prize or another they had liked.

Some of them, especially the younger ones, were perhaps a bit more distracted exploring the pretty beach than cleaning it, but Isra had experience with this. As they got closer to the designated time she made regular announcements, and by the last 5 minutes everyone was clustered around the last few uncleaned feet of beach hunting for last minute “treasures”.

Yoshi collected great footage of it all, including Isra’s little awards ceremony and her final pitch for the kids to keep Sulani Beautiful as they left.

After the kids dispersed with their winnings, Luigi headed back to the gaming center where he had arranged to meetup with Professor Silva.

He wasn’t the only one looking forward to seeing his old faculty mentor.  A number of his old Foxbury E-Sports teammates came too, engaging in an impromptu mini-tourney. Much to the chagrin of the professional e-sports players there, Luigi’s college fling Jade won the day.

Yoshi was taking a charging break, but Skye captured several pictures of his father’s defeat, not that Lawbourne senior was too broken up about his loss. “Some of my fondest memories are playing games with you guys at the University commons, and this was a great walk down memory lane!”

“If you’re up for more reminiscing, the E-Sports team has their big game coming up in just a few hours” Professor Silva mentioned. “I’d love for you all to head back to campus with me and cheer on my current crew; maybe pick out your favorites for the Rainy Day internship program?”

Noemi and several others were only too happy to spin into their winter wear and teleport to the stadium at their old Alma Mater.

“Your mom and I made so many great memories here” Luigi told his son as they walked through campus. “When you’re old enough we should take the college tour so you can see everything Foxbury has to offer.” Skye nodded shyly, not wanting to disappoint his parents, but in truth the big, cold lot intimidated him. He wasn’t so sure about this whole “university” thing.

The game was well worth the price of admission. The two teams were neck and neck all evening, but in the end, for the first time in a long time, Foxbury won the day. “You did it – congrats man!” Luigi enthused to his old mentor as they were leaving the stadium.

 “Thank you for supporting the team,” Coach Silva replied, “I’ve got to get back to my champions, but your advice and help made a big difference.”

By the time the game ended it was quite late, but no one wanted to go to bed without ringing in the new year. To that end they made their way back to the gaming center to end the evening in style. 

“Shushubie… shushubie… Fleeba Zoob!” the large group of Luigi’s favorite sims cried as the New Year’s countdown ticked over to midnight.

A recharged Yoshi was cruising the crowd with the other streaming cameras, capturing the celebration as everyone thanked their viewers for contributing to the big fundraiser earlier in the day. With hugs all around, and a strange question from Skye about how long teeth took to digest (where, Luigi wondered, did kids get these ideas!?) the large happy family started the new year off right: with a dance party of course.

Luigi didn’t know how things would look a year from now, but it seemed unlikely he’d be able to top that day’s accomplishments.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[sophieinwonderland]

So I've been having a dilemma recently. My 'headmate', who I thought was at least somewhat sentient, might just be me quite literally talking to myself. Why do I believe this? Well, I was having a conversation with myself the other day, and then I gave the 'second train of thought' a name. That 'second train of thought', which I know is still me, is more fluent than my existing headmate, with little to no effort. I think this is because trains of thought don't have a consistent personality.

I've started thinking that, since this 'new headmate' that is literally just a personification of a part of me is already more fluent than what I have been assuming was a real headmate, then maybe I've just been getting better at pretending my headmate is real and she'd been "developing" accordingly. I'm starting to feel like I've just been getting a better handle on "roleplaying" her personality, and she's become more fluent just because I'm better at getting her "in character".

My original headmate is "capable" of fronting, by which I mean only partially (I'm always still present, I just have to pull myself as far out of the way as I can so she has room to breathe), but it just feels like roleplaying anyway since we're so goddamn monoconscious, so I'm starting to think it might be. She can't talk unless I'm addressing her, can't think if I'm not paying attention to her, and struggles to think in anything other than words and pictures anyway. She can't front without me initiating it, nor can she interrupt what I'm doing to express that she wants to front. So she's very underdeveloped, especially for her age. The 'train of thought' can't front. I tried pretending to be it to see if it would turn into fronting, and nothing of the sort occurred. But ever since I created that 'train of thought' character, my original headmate has struggled to get into front.

Is there any explanation for what I did with the train of thought that isn't just "lol you made a new headmate" (because I know it's not a real headmate) or "you've been faking the whole time"?

What you're describing with your headmate seems pretty normal for under-developed headmates. Actually, aside from myself and my host, I find that a lot of our other headmates rarely will talk unless we reach out or otherwise think about them.

It's not that they never do, but it's not super common.

I'm special since I've fronted a lot and am co-con most of the time. 😜

I think it's possible that when you started talking to that "train of thought" and named it, it might have become at least a proto-headmate. And I don't find it too surprising you got the result you did. If you imagine your stream of consciousness as, well, a stream... what you did was divert part of that stream. And you, being well-established in your brain, are a fierce flowing river. When you divert part of that to have a conversation with it, that's still going to be flowing pretty fast.

But a new headmate? You aren't so much diverting water as you are trying to make a river from nothing. So yeah, it's not too weird that the new headmate will feel less complete than what is, ultimately, you talking to yourself. Their river is going to be slower and weaker in the beginning, and needs time to build up. That's natural.

If you think your switching feels like roleplaying, one thing I might recommend trying is to actually roleplay as a fictional character and write down how that feels afterwards. Then switch with your headmate (the next time you're able to) and let your headmate write down how it feels to be in front. Then compare and contrast the experiences.

[amica-aenigmata-naboo]

Aeterna Amantes

Astarion x Y/N - Chapter 5 - 1.4K WC

chapter 1

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5 (you are here!)

Masterlist

Warnings: mention of thinking of sex, implied blood drinking, Astarion and reader slowly falling in love, sappy af, TENSION LIKE A MF, like talk about slow and painful, yikes, pray for me y'all because its gonna get filthy next time , slightly steamy here in a victorian love kinda way

-----------------------------

They had never left you alone at camp for this long. You started the campfire by yourself, played with the Owlbear and Scratch until you grew tired. The sun had been down for so long and you couldn’t help but worry. You had no way to know where they had gone, Moonrise Towers was the objective for days but the new environment of The Shadow Cursed Lands was difficult to map out. You paced around camp, trying to find things to do. Practicing your writing and reading the dictionary had proven mind numbing enough that you didn’t hear the metal clinking as your companions rushed back to camp. You only realized they were back when you heard them yelling and shuffling into Shadowheart’s tent. You could see Gale and her attempting spells but fizzling out as they were so exhausted they couldn’t muster the magic. That’s when you saw it. His white curls, spattered with blood. His eyes rolled back, he was unmoving. You sprinted to Astarion, tripping over yourself in the process. Your knees were bleeding but you didn’t care, you just needed to get to him.

“What’s wrong with him?” you asked, hands shaking as you were afraid touching him would somehow worsen his condition. 

“Drow poison.” Karlach said as she doused his many cuts with antidote.

You moved close to him, holding his head still. You could see his eyelashes flutter every so often but he was growing paler by the second which was concerning given his already undead state. “Wake up.” you said as you shook him slightly. 

Nothing.

“Wake up!” you yelled as you felt tears brim in your eyes. 

Nothing.

The others stopped, completely spent from whatever had gone on that day. They all watched you with sadness growing on their faces, knowing how you had attached yourself to the pale elf. 

“Y/N… there’s nothing we can do… we just need to wait for whenever Withers shows up.” Gale said gently, trying to pull you out of the gloomy tent with the others. 

You snatched your arms back, “No!” you yelled, walking back to Astarion. Your eyes were glowing the color of freshly forged steel, a blazing shade of orange.

Gale shook his head, walking away. This would be your first encounter with death, maybe that was something you needed to experience alone. 

You thumbed over Astarion’s cold face. You wanted him back. No - you needed him back. Your heart felt as if it was vibrating due to the sheer emotion of the situation. Its glow was illuminating the whole tent. 

“Wake up!” you cried softly, “Please?”

To no avail, he remained unmoving. Golden tears streamed down your cheeks as you moved closer to his face. “I’ll find a way to bring you back, I promise.” you swore to him before swiftly crashing your lips onto his. Your lips stung as if a zap of lightning had hit you mid-kiss. You pulled away quickly. Astarion shot up, he sucked in a deep breath before coughing. You backed up, fingers flitting to your lips to smooth over them. 

Astarion looked around in shock, “What happened?” he said curiously.

He was back, really back. Your tears picked up again, glittering as they cascaded down your cheeks. You pulled him into a hug, nestling your face into the crook of his neck. “You died.” you mumbled. 

Astarion’s instincts took over as he hugged you back tightly. He pet your hair to soothe you, shushing you as you gasped out little whines and hiccups. He held your face gently, “Hey… hey… you know I wouldn’t leave you all by your lonesome.” he whispered as his thumbs smoothed your tears away. 

You nodded quickly before noticing his lips were slightly glowing. You reached out, softly swiping at them. The shimmer spread over him like wildfire. The glow was barely perceivable but you noticed it before it dissipated settling in his very bones. 

“What was that?” he asked, looking himself over to see what had just happened. 

“I don’t know.” you whispered.

“How did I come back?” he asked, looking around the tent, trying to find scrolls or potions. 

“I… Everyone left… You… I… I didn’t want to leave you. I told you I’d find a way to bring you back… and then I…” you gulped as the last of the sentence tumbled from your lips.

“Then I…?” Astarion said with a tinge of confusion in his voice. 

“I kissed you… to seal the promise…” you couldn’t look at him as you said any of this, embarrassment flooding into you. 

“Your magic…” he whispered to himself, “Your heart brought me back.” he said with confidence.

You looked down to the glowing infernal contraption. “Arcane magic.” he said as he placed his hand over your heart.

“What does that mean?” you mumbled, feeling your chest grow hot due to his hand resting there. 

“It… ummm… you can, well…” how does one describe arcane magic, he thought to himself. “You can manipulate energies to bend the fabric of reality, giving you whatever you desire.” he said slowly, ensuring his words somewhat made sense. 

Your eyes widened, you had no idea you wielded that kind of power. It scared you honestly. If you can bring people back from the dead what else can you do? You backed away from him, looking down at your hands, watching the golden blood pump through your veins. Your mind felt overwhelmed, every thought trying to shout over the previous one. You looked back to Astarion who was already watching you. You didn’t know what to do with how you felt, you just wanted to be alone. So that's what you did, you walked back to your tent without another word. You heard his soft steps trailing you. You covered your ears as you slumped down onto your bedroll; you just wanted to block the world out. Your eyes clamped shut, embracing the darkness momentarily.

Astarion sat next to you, he nudged your shoulder with his forehead encouraging you to open your eyes. To no avail. “Everything you’re feeling is normal. I know this is a heavy burden to bear. Power is lovely but… it's so easy to taint. To misuse. Gods knows how I’ve used my powers for absolutely sinful things.” 

You dropped your hands to rest on your knees, but your eyes remained closed. “It's too much… This is too much… Make it not true…” you gasped out, anxiety gripping you. Tears brimmed in your eyes, this amount of power was frightening. You barely knew anything of the world having been in the Arcane Tower; you were learning everyday about the world around you and who you are as a person. Having such a small grasp of the reality of total freedom to do all this. And now being told you can change the world around you, the very fabric of reality. It was suffocating, crushing. 

You leaned your head against Astarion’s, exhausted completely. You felt his cold hand caress your cheek. You peeked at him, he smiled seeing just the smallest reaction from you. “You’re going to be just fine darling. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but you will. And I’ll be here to make sure you do. I’ll… I’ll always be here for you.” he said, whispering out the last bit, almost as if he was promising this to you. 

You tilted him up by his chin gently. His gaze was piercing; a beautiful shade of crimson that drew you in. You rested your forehead against his, lips inches away. Your breaths mimicked his after a moment, calming you and yet riling you up in a sensual way that had you buzzing with curiosity. You couldn’t stand it, you attached your lips to his. Something primal in you needing him and only him. He responded immediately, hungry for you. His hand trailed from your cheek to your throat, thumb ghosting over the two little scars on your neck he gifted you with. You moaned at the contact and it took everything in him not to take you then and there. 

“Wait… darling, we shouldn’t.” He said as he begrudgingly pulled away from you. “Not like this, not when you are this vulnerable. This is the last thing you need to be thinking about with everything you're dealing with.” he sighed, feeling guilty. 

“I know what I want.” you said bluntly, emotions might be somewhat new to you but you felt this in your bones. “You.” you said firmly. You pulled Astarion into a feathery light kiss, waiting for him to deepen it if he so desired. He indulged in you; your sweet, soft self. He wanted you in a way that burned him from the inside out.

-------------------

Naboo's Note:

Back from the dead!! Sorry this took so long to post I was in my feels and work was exhausting I worked and 18 hour shift and that absolutely FUCKED ME. But I'm gonna try to get out a few fics even if they're smaller ones. Thank y'all for your patience, your comments encourage tf outta me <3

[password-door-lock]

Four Seasons by Your Side: Northern Lights

Read it on Ao3!

During the winter season, things move rather slowly in Saeran’s garden, and the RFA is presently sandwiched between the recent New Year’s party and next month’s upcoming Valentine’s day party. You don’t have very much coordination work on your plate at the moment, which makes this the perfect time for a short overseas trip.

“This is so exciting,” Saeran gushes, extending his hand for you to hold. Of course, it’s difficult to actually hold hands when both of you are wearing heavy mittens, so you make due with the second-best alternative. You touch your glove to Saeran’s, and he can just about feel the outline of your fingers through the bulky knit material. “Now, we’ll get to see something that we’ve never seen before.” 

“I know, right?” You wrap your arm around Saeran’s, which is almost as difficult as holding hands on account of your puffy winter coats. Saeran was over the moon yesterday to pick out a new one featuring the logo of the lodge where the two of you are staying, and he’s grateful for the jacket at the moment. The cold and the wind are not his friends, after all. “But I just talked to our guide back there, and she said this is the furthest north we can go before it starts to get unsafe. Either way, we should still get to see the lights once we get off the patio if it’s a clear night tonight.”

“Mmm,” Saeran hums, resting his head momentarily on your shoulder. Both of your hoods get in the way of this gesture, which elicits giggles from the pair of you. “And tomorrow, we’ll go out and see the glacier. That’s two new experiences for us.”

Lately, you and Saeran have been focused on healing from the trauma of Magenta and what came after, building and re-building your respective relationships with Saeyoung and the other members of the RFA, and setting up a life together. For a while, everything felt like a new experience, from visiting the dentist to shopping for shower curtains. But now that Saeran has grown accustomed to his beautiful ordinary life, he’s excited to experience even more new things further away from home. “I can’t wait.” you admit, “But we should go out now. Are you ready to meet the Northern Lights?”

“Ready,” Saeran confirms, because he is. He’s seen pictures, of course, but he can’t wait to see what they’re like in person.

The two of you advance down the wooden stairs, which, as promised, are quite slippery. It helps that both of you are wearing sturdy winter boots. As soon as you’re out of the shelter of the closed porch, the Northern Lights become visible overhead. They stream across the sky in phantasmic, iridescent shades of pink, purple, blue and green, obscuring the stars like something out of a fairy tale. 

“Wow,” Saeran breathes. Though he knows that they’re not made of water, the lights still remind him of clouds. He can’t believe he’s lucky enough to get to watch them— he knows that most people live their whole lives without ever witnessing this magnificent light show. But Saeran has been blessed with the freedom and the means to travel, and although his body isn’t the strongest on the planet, he’s still healthy enough to withstand the wind and cold. 

Tomorrow, he’s going to get to see a glacier. All of these new sights are things he never could have imagined just a few years ago, let alone when he was a child forced into hiding. Yes, it’s true: Saeran is a lucky man, indeed. And he’s luckier still to be able to share this beautiful experience— and so many other beautiful experiences, for that matter— with you. It seems that, in spite of his decidedly unlucky childhood, Saeran’s adulthood is turning out to be quite auspicious. 

“Beautiful,” Saeran breathes, watching the colors shimmer overhead. 

“I know you are, but what about the Northern Lights?” You reply casually. Speaking of luck, Saeran is blown away by the fact that an angel like you would say such a thing to him. What a blessing you are, and what a gift this life he’s living is. 

So Saeran really can’t help but kiss you. It’s instinctive, affectionate, slow and peaceful as he turns to face you. Saeran catches your lips gently in a slow and loving kiss. It’s awkward on account of the coats, hats, and mittens, but the pair of you can make it work. It’s far from the first challenge that you and Saeran have faced as a couple, after all. I’m so lucky, Saeran’s mind keeps singing, So very lucky.

After a few moments, you pull away. “This is nice,” you breathe. “But, to be honest, dear, I’m a little bit worried that we might catch a cold in this weather. And my ears are getting cold even through the hat, somehow?”

“That’s okay, my love,” Saeran assures you. Now that you mention it, he feels his ears getting cold, too. Besides, the Northern Lights will still be here every night for the remainder of this trip. He can take his time getting acquainted with them, just as he has taken his time getting acquainted with the world. “Why don’t we spend some time together indoors?”

[starsfic]

DogDay is initially anxious and withdrawn after waking up in his new body and life, but the genuine care and support he gets from the Ranglers and mascots gradually helps him find his old optimistic spark again. Seeing his old friends slowly make a comeback one by one definitely helps. He gradually learns as time goes on that he doesn't have to always be the emotionally supportive one, and (most of) the other Critters are more than happy to return the emotional support he's given them in the past back to him. When CatNap revealed to the other Critters what was happening on August 8, 1995 as it was going down, all the other Critters had their reserves about the whole thing, but DogDay was the one to stand his ground and refuse to go along with it, which inspired the rest to follow suit.

Trying out a number of different hobbies he didn't have as much time for when PlayCo was just using him mainly for manual labor, DogDay has taken a particular interest in video games. In fact, he seems to find an odd comfort in playing horror games, including mascot horror games, either in spite of or because of his past, though he still gets enjoyment out of feel-good games on the side. After the Smiling Critters' inclusion at Indigo Park becomes public knowledge, DogDay starts his own gamer streaming channel and is known for always having positive things to say to his viewers no matter what genre of game he's playing.

Bubba Bubbaphant is the first Critter other than DogDay whose remains are found and used to transfer him to a new body, and DogDay was overjoyed to be shown this to be in the works, as it was the first concrete evidence that his friends may not be dead for good. Working for PlayCo, the Bigger Bodies Experiment based on Bubba would have his intellect and photographic memory (traits that got his former human self selected as a subject in the first place) used for problem solving skills, but he was given little to no freedom for real critical thinking and none at all for having opinions. So it takes him by surprise for a while when he's given full freedom of both by the Rangler staff. Bubba is, in turn, happy to occasionally contribute to the technical upkeep of the park and more than happy to jump in and assist in designing the new bodies of later recovered Critters. Bubba does enjoy gaming as well, albeit not to the extent of DogDay, and has a particular talent for puzzle games. DogDay would occasionally bring him on as a guest on his livestreams, to his initial embarrassment. Bubba's trunk on his Bigger Bodies form was fully functional, and the same is true for the trunk on his new form. Both were/are somewhat notably bigger on his face than what's depicted in his official artwork.

Bobby BearHug was the next one recovered (the news was broken to DogDay and Bubba by showing her recovered emblem as a humorous "late Valentine's Day" present). Bubba recalls the troubled production her Bigger Bodies Experiment form went through with multiple surgeries before she was able to properly move, sense the world, and ultimately even talk. Bubba had managed to discover the concept of ASL to communicate with her in the meantime, and all the Critters still remember how to this day, even CatNap (if this sounds like a PP fic prompt you still have in your ask box, there's a reason for that, lol). Similarly to DogDay, Bobby starts to learn that it's OK to put her own emotional needs first from time to time.

CraftyCorn (or just Crafty most of the time in conversation) came next. Like each newly remade Critter when first coming online, Crafty was a wary at first of the freedom the ones remade previously express in living how they want but grows to embrace that freedom. Funny enough, it's the park's designated "antagonist" Salem that draw's Crafty's attention by identifying as something other than girl or boy, something pretty much everyone around them supports and goes along with. This leads Crafty to explore their own gender identify and ultimately identifying exclusively as they/them, which the other Critters wholly support (albeit with Bobby jokingly "complaining" that she's back to being the only girl back at that point).

Crafty continues to express themself in creative endeavors, given even more creative freedom than PlayCo gave them. At times, this includes artwork with some disturbing imagery inspired by their past experiences, including things she witnessed during the Hour of Joy. The hired on-site therapist encourages this on the basis that it helps them process lingering unresolved feelings. Crafty creates puppet animation assets for themself and the other Critters, based stylistically somewhere between their old cartoon depictions and their current android forms, with eyes inspired more by the art style of Indigo Park's mascot designs. As I previously established, Rambley wasn't even aware until DogDay one day casually slid on screen next to him.

Hoppy Hopscotch came next, so Bobby was once more no longer the only girl in the gradually regrowing group. She was perhaps the most actively curious out of all the Critters getting revived and occasionally needed to be reigned in before the public could take notice until Indigo Park's legal team either influenced/proved their brand's shift to public domain or secured it for themselves (whichever of those two I go with). For a while, Hoppy would occasionally slip up and accidentally address Crafty as a girl before correcting herself. Apparently, she was ultimately caught as the Hour of Joy was still ongoing trying to spring-jump low-level employees caught in the massacre to safety.

KickinChicken (or just Kickin) was perhaps the most initially distrusting of the Rangler staff and park cast, not counting CatNap who had his own reasons. He was certain at first that he and the others were being lulled into a false sense of security and expected another proverbial shoe to drop. But gradually, he grew to realize the freedom and support they were getting now came from a genuine place. Kickin found Crafty identifying as neither boy nor girl and everyone allowing them to do so amusing, which ultimately led to him questioning himself. While being called a girl had some appeal, he still liked being called a boy. That's when he was told by Bubba, who spent time researching the subject to be a good ally, that bigender is a thing. Following this, Kickin would come out to the others by jokingly asking Crafty if he can have their old pronouns if they're not using them anymore. She has also taken to music, particularly singing and a little in songwriting. Heavy metal is a genre Kickin has gravitated towards, and he hopes to use it to process and express his feelings of past trauma.

PickyPiggy (alternatively, Picky Piggy, two words, or just Picky) has an initially awkward time adjusting to no longer having a body with a stomach, relying only on water. She always did enjoy baking and cooking food just as much as she did eating, however. According to her files, the human test subject who became her had apparently been given her own Owen the Oven to use, despite the toy having been pulled off the market due to multiple lawsuits over second- and third-degree burns. Even without taste buds nowadays, Picky has an intricate understanding of how to to combine ingredients well for tasty and filling meals; she's interested in pursuing nutritional science studies.

Nobody at Indigo Park knew CatNap was no longer an accepted member of the Smiling Critters group until they were already partway through designing his rebuild, mainly because the Critters were so cagey about addressing the alleged "former friend turned traitor" that it didn't even occur to them that said former friend was, himself, a Critter. Rambley was quite happy to show DogDay that the eight and final Critter was on his way to a comeback only to be surprised when met by a quiet yet forceful "No." They went through with it anyway, reasoning that CatNap was just a frightened kid forcibly turned into a living plaything like the rest of them and probably just needed proper adult guidance, to which DogDay reluctantly agreed on the grounds that CatNap be kept away from the rest for the time being.

CatNap is constantly kept on surveillance during his rehabilitation period and kept away from anything he could potentially use to harm others or possibly even himself. He is given a private room to himself, where he stays when he isn't being escorted around the Rangler areas, and he at one point calls it "a luxury suite compared to his old cage," but he hates that it's nicknamed "The Cathouse". Despite openly not wanting to be around CatNap, DogDay finds himself occasionally peeking in on him via his Crafty-made puppet-animated form and the screen in The Cathouse. For a while, this would typically lead to arguing matches, as both are unapologetic for their opposing actions back in 1995. Eventually, as time goes on and CatNap slowly and reluctantly alters his worldview, things start to cool down between the two during DogDay's virtual visits, though DogDay still isn't letting him forget he lost his legs to him.

The Critters all have artificially-generated voices modeled after voice clips of their characters, though some creative liberties have been taken for CatNap, since the most anyone could find of him was audio of snoring. They initially have no memories of their past human lives, aside from CatNap having second-hand knowledge from the Prototype. But as they undergo therapy sessions and explore themselves over time, bits and pieces come back to them every so often in their dreams. Interestingly, they rediscover that they all sort of knew each other before the experiments to some degree or another. Even Theo, CatNap's former life who was noted for a lack of friends at PlayCare, has some memories of Neil, DogDay's former life, trying to connect with him, though DogDay seemingly regains those memories first. Perhaps that past attempt to make friends subconsciously made CatNap's betrayal sting all the more.

OOH, this is all so great!

Is the "DogDay plays video games" inspired by that one YouTuber who has started playing as DogDay? I know it would be complex, given the whole copyright issue, but maybe it would be fun for Indigo Park to draw attention via its characters streaming and playing video games!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 2 "paper clip" thoughts

(racing against time because a thunderstorm is rapidly encroaching but i need to know what happens next)

and for once, a storm did not disrupt my streaming experience! but i almost wish it did. because this episode made me very sad. let's jump in.

we got another “previously on the X files” at the start... is that what is gonna happen every time now?? not sure if i like that or not. but i'm sure it was useful back when you had to wait a week in between episodes, to jog the memory.

noooo not the alien gassing scene again!!! it was featured in our recap. and it was just as evil as the first time.

so now the story begins.

we're back in New Mexico. Albert is talking about the story of the gila monster. it is a great story! i wonder if they had cultural consultants for this season, or hired an Indigenous writer.

Albert announces that a great event took place on the plains!!! a white buffalo was born on the same day mulder was revived…. this is a powerful omen of great changes.

(and the buffalo didn’t look white, but tbh, probs hard to find one for such a scene, so perhaps washed out lighting was the best they could do. i understand the constraints)

does the theme sound slightly off? almost like it starts on a different beat now. OH they cut the whole thing short. well that would explain the difference i felt. why would they do this to me? i was well-accustomed to the rhythm! can't a girl groove a little?

okay, NOW we're back to the gun off between scully and skinner. and it’s tense!

mulder bursts in and I’m CACKLINGGG. please, this had to be the last thing he was going to expect. his boss and his bestie with guns in each other's faces. i’m cryinggg

(also her face. her face when she sees it is him. it's sooo good)

“you okay, scully?”, he asks, adding his gun to the fray “yeah”, she says, as she looks at the man back from the dead... ohhhhhhh... the sense of relief

and OHHHH they BOTH pull guns on skinner to get the tape back!! i'm SOOOOOOO seated. this is juicy.

and i hate to say it, but skinner is lowkey making sense here with his campaign to keep the tape. he says that they don’t want it back in "their" hands. skinner seems deeply confused regarding whatever the hell just happened but they finally agree that he should hold onto it for now.

this next part, when they leave his place. man. i'm just gonna keep it verbatim because it captured a lot of emotions:

"OHHHH LOOK AT HER FACE WHEN THEY GET ALONE TOGETHER OHHH SHE’S SOOOO CUTE OHHH THE LITTLE SMILE OH I’M DEAD"

it was SO sweet. she couldn't believe it. he tried to say something but she cut him off, saying she went to his father's funeral and told his mom she would be okay, because she knew it. she didn't know how, but she knew it.

(they were leaned in so close for so long... for a split second i thought they would kiss and then the elevator closed... ohhh. maybe they did and we just didn't see it)

((maybe this is the part where they kissed in the bloopers i have seen floating around? if so. i get it. i think i would have done the same had i found myself acting in such a scenario))

but the sweetness cannot last, and we are back to the hospital, where poor mrs. scully is dealing with learning her OTHER daughter was shot in the head. the head!!! a terrible place to be shot!!! they put melissa in an induced coma!!!!! melissa did not deserve this and scully doesn’t even KNOW this has happened!!

ohh, i’m sad. but we’re back with the lone gunmen, and things are okay in scully’s mind, because mulder’s back and they have a trail to chase and she doesn’t know yet that her sister was shot in the head. and i’m sad because she doesn’t know such a horrible thing happened, but also i want to be happy because she’s happy. her face when she saw him. i will think about it for decades.

operation paper clip mentioned... ah, yes, i have heard of this. they mention a nazi named “Victor Klemper”... is he real? verdict is in, one search later: victor is NOT real. but he has a very similar name to a real famous german historian!

“what would he be doing in a photo with your father”, asks scully. and why did she say this in a manner that was, to me, seductive? you know what? i think honestly it’s a me problem. shame on me for being distracted from the narrative by such things.

frohike and mulder reunion!!! it is sweet. but only for a moment is it sweet, because he breaks the news on scully's sister, who is horrified.

she runs really fast to try and go see her, but mulder catches up to her in the stairwell when she is almost out the door, and says the people who meant to kill her will be waiting at the hospital. oh, and melissa's earlier words from s2 episode 8, about mulder trying to get even, are prophetic here… “cause the only thing you can do for her right now is to try to crucify them", he says. it is a shame her wishes for peace and acceptance instead of violence couldn't be honored, and that going to visit her wouldn't be safe.

at the UN alien council. they are discussing this "serious mistake", of shooting melissa instead of scully. OH! the man from the funeral is there!!!

(for the sake of this episode, he shall bear the moniker "funeral man". but if he has a real name, please feel free to share. i'm asking you to do so. because i come up with these things on the fly. and i really could read the credits i guess but this is mostly just a one person operation with google only serving to check historical accuracy, not things as risky to spoilers as the NAMES of the CHARACTERS!)

((but i did see cig man/cancer man referred to in my notes once as "csr" which actually made sense. because i had spun one of those "fuck marry kill" wheels on here and gotten "csr x files" and i had no idea who that was referring to. but it turns out i did know him. kill btw))

funeral man is calling out cig man’s “ridiculously ineffectual assassins”, which, honestly, what did we expect from krychek? and oh, he is digging INTO cig man. it's enjoyable to witness. he’s being called out for mulder not really being dead AND the tape not really being in his hands like he claims. cig man LIES (average thing for him to be doing, all things considered), and tells the others on the alien council that “i’ll have it here for you tomorrow” which is an awful big promise. a very very big promise. 

next scene: a greenhouse! it's quite lovely until it isn't, because the old man tending to the flowers is victor, a nazi who got clemency under operation paperclip. so a very very bad fellow. scully is being mean to him, but obviously he deserves much, much, much worse. 

he asks about a formula and scully knows it, then says the photo was from west virginia. those are the only cryptic clues he offers. okay, off to a very mountainous road trip. god bless their poor souls. dealing with motion sickness on top of all the mess at hand.

funeral man is receiving a call from victor. they know each other? he snitched that mulder visited the greenhouse. and victor says funeral man was “venal”. new word learned! meaning susceptible to bribery!! is this the truth...?? i mean i THINK mulder comes from money due to the whole martha's vineyard thing, but does he have enough to buy his way out of this?

also. let's ask the real question. why is victor calling and dropping clues. is it fun for him.

anyway, the rest of the alien subdivision of the UN says that they are calling in “their friends who will handle this matter more satisfactorily” because krychek obviously sucks at his job 

KRYCHEK SPOTTED at the hospital! wait no it was actually just another random well-dressed guy stalking about. BUT YOU KNOW WHO IS HERE: ALBERT!!!!

did he come all the way here from New Mexico or was he is in the region... 😭😭 Albert, you deserve more than this earth will ever give you. so much has been taken from you. and yet you continue to give.

our agents are pulling up to west virginia. it looks like a ghost town, and i’ve heard that is an accurate depiction. they walk into an abandoned place. with bats in the building!! be careful!! they are rabies vectors!!!

(can you imagine if the show just ended here because mulder got rabies and died. pause to imagine this with me. then i will walk you back to the stuff that actually did happen)

ohh, and as they enter this place, the score is going wild!!! i'm rocking with it. i love a good score. the suspense is building. i ALWAYS want there to be violins to indicate suspense.

they find some locked doors with keypads, and they’re putting in 27828. it’s not working so he’s like "are you SURE scully?" and she says “i’m positive, Napier’s constant is the basis of all natural logarithms” and i giggled. and maybe also kicked my feet and twirled my hair. 

(i am learning, through this liveblog, that nothing makes me blush more than pretty people reciting semi-obscure facts. make of that observation what you will, because op will be contemplating it for a while)

they finally get it open!! i never doubted your number skills, scully. but before they go in, she’s worried about how he’ll feel!!!! what if his father was a bad guy :( “I just know how it would affect me” :((((( she is so thoughtful...

(i'm torn between making a genuine observation on the fact that despite she just learned her sister is dying, she still makes time to be certain mulder is okay with proceeding because it could be upsetting to him. and the other thing i'm thinking about is that that one meme that says "pearl is so kind" and i'm just imagining scully there instead of pearl. i suppose there is room for both)

back to skinner’s office. cig man has arrived. skinner is approaching him like an animal its prey, while bill clinton looms over the corner. 

skinner says he MAY have found the cassette and cig man is PISSSSSED at the implication he would “work deals”. well king!! you may have no choice!

(i hope that what skinner REALLY has is an identical cassette that just has syllables that LOOK like Navajo code but actually mean absolutely nothing. that would be evil and entertaining to me)

cig man looks like he is gonna CRY he is so desperate! but he is basically saying he’ll kill skinner if he has to, so watch out. and AGAIN. banger tv score as all this goes down.

our agents are in an old mine. it’s very dark and full of records!

(turns on the lights and sees the rows of cabinets stretch for what seems like eternity) “lots of files” “lots and lots of files” <- so true

mulder kinda sounds like he’s gonna have a breakdown. all the files have tissue in them... gross???? he asks when she was born so they can check that year’s files AND SEE IF SHE IS IN THEM. OH GOSH. 

and they find her file right away!!! it has a tissue sample and everything, and it’s recent, and that means the project must still be ongoing, despite how abandoned this mine is.

THEY FIND HIS SISTER’S FILE!!!! we are getting so close to answers. but there is a sticker over her name, because the file was originally his. so someone swapped his sister for him???

he’s freaking the fuck out at some large noises, and he runs and leaves her in the archives. something is hissing. AN ARMY OF ALIENS SCAMPERS BY???? they are running from something. HUH??? dana scully alien encounter??? did they just run by her or was that a different corridor in this endless mountain maze. did she see them. it was like a stampede. very hard to miss.

it seems that the aliens from the spaceship are coming and mulder is drawn to them. HIDE! HIDE FROM THEM! THEY WILL TAKE YOU!

he sees a GIANT spaceship flying over the compound. like giant and it’s super bright and it just. flies over. well, I guess west virginia isn’t a bad place to hide such things. due to the lack of people there.

this is not a dig at west virginia it's just rather sparsely populated.

scully is down in the archives still, and a whole lot of people are rolling up with guns. NOOO!! they are shooting at him!!!! with a stormtrooper aim. he is escaping their bullets as if this is just a jungle gym for him.

REUNION in the dark archives!!! scully found a back way out, where it seems the aliens left!!!! they're running into the woods together!!! it’s almost romantic!!!

skinner cam. he’s in maryland. at a nice little diner in the middle of nowhere. WITH OUR AGENTS!!!!

mulder says the hit squad looked like CIA, and i assumed there was some CIA-FBI tensions, but i’m unfamiliar with the lore, in terms of both real life and txf universe. it seems it’s severe though. skinner says he’ll negotiate their lives for the tape but mulder is like NO the public deserves the truth. which is lovely. i love ideals and sticking to your morals. and he’ll die for it bitch!!! he did once!!

“in your wildest dreams, what do you possibly hope to find, agent mulder?” “why they killed my father. and what happened to my sister” ohhh mulder sounds so scared and hurt... because he is. all this talk of truth and morals guiding his life but also this whole thing is so intensely personal for him, it seems impossible to separate one cause from the other. ohh i'm emotional. 

“and what they did to agent scully”, he adds OHHHHH oh man. his family. they took his family. and he needs revenge, he needs to know. and she is included in that. MAN.

scully says they should make the deal, he says “what makes you think there’s any such thing as justice?”, it’s heating up. again, i say: replace the cassette with out of context Navajo syllables. hire me for the FBI.

i was concerned about scully advocating for the deal- does not the truth mean something to her? of course we know it does, but she is being realistic. the truth won't mean much if they're on the run forever, and there is no one to corroborate their story. but she clarifies:

"i want exactly what you want. but i need to see my sister” :((( they both look so sad

“it’s up to you, scully” he’s mad and torn but he leaves the choice to her because her opinion is the one he cares the most about :( and really there are no good options, it's an awful situation

she said to make the deal, but not hand over the tape until mulder says to. hmm. will this plan work?

“i’m sorry about your sister, scully”, he finally says, and she replies that “i just need to know she’s going to be okay”. but i’m not sure it’s looking so good for her and that makes me SO SAD. on the ride home, she sits in the back and lets mulder take shotgun. and i realize, this is because she’s probably gonna cry back there and try to hide it. OUGH.

albert back at the hospital! he prayed over missy for two days. have we said thank you to him? and if so we should keep saying it until we all perish.

but he has received news from the north: the white buffalo calf that was such a strong omen is no longer drinking its mother’s milk. and the mom is sad, and then she died. this is not a good sign. “for something to live, another thing must often be sacrificed”, he says, and it becomes clear someone is not making it out of this episode. i hope against all hope it was krychek that was going to bite it.

it was not :(

skinner here at the hospital to see melissa. he tells scully’s mom that dana is okay, but in a very serious situation they hope to reverse :( 

albert points out that some guy has been snooping in on their room (and it wasn’t krychek, whose name corrects to all caps in my phone, because i only speak of him with hate in my heart) but just some other similar looking guy. skinner says albert, you stay here, i’m going off. hopefully for some hospital violence. hospital violence ensues!!! and this time krychek IS there.

but the violence does not go in the direction i hoped for, which was for skinner to kick some ass. it's three on one, they beat him and leave him in the corner and take the tape!!!! noooooooo!! poor skinner, i was coming around to you.

also leaving this next part verbatim because it is funny:

"fucking krychek i hate everything about you and i hate your new slicked back greaser hair and i hope you trip and fall and all of your limbs fall off and the doctors wonder how they can even happen because they have never seen it before WHAT NOW HE’S RUNNING??? the car blew up before he ran away. and the folks he was running from SEE him running away so he literally can’t even do a good job at bailing"

(if you need a translation: krychek's fellow assassins stopped to grab some drinks, so he pocketed the cassette and left before their car blew up)

back at the greenhouse. our agents are looking for victor, who apparently died yesterday. and funeral man is here!!! they openly accuse him of killing victor. he does not deny this claim.

funeral man is going on about roswell, operation paperclip, and mengele. he’s going on about hybrid orchids and mulder realizes that victor must have been trying to create an alien-human hybrid. which would explain the smallpox vaccination scars in the alien bodies found in New Mexico. FUNERAL MAN. WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON??

he's on the side of whoever can solve his little riddles i guess

mulder is MAD his dad was involved with this, but scully says it can’t be true, because DNA wasn’t even a thing people knew of until 1944. i mean, they’re lying about a whole lot. why not lie about the timeline of DNA discovery, too?

funeral man says men like mr. mulder were instructed to gather genetic data on the general populace, and that his dad had objected strongly to its true purpose. allegedly this experiment was for post apocalyptic identification, which doesn't really make sense to be, but okay. hundreds of millions of americans had their info collected from smallpox vaccine data.

scully is saying that it’s all a lie, that he’s saying everything mulder wants to hear, and i'm agreeing with her. funeral man says “why would i lie to you?” um better question: what would you gain by telling the truth??

mulder flat out yells that she was abducted by aliens and this doesn’t go over well as you can probably guess. she is working overtime to NOT think about that. so she walks away from the whole thing.

leaving just the two conspirators. OH, listen to this: funeral man claims they took his sister as insurance because his father threatened to expose the project!! “you also threaten to expose the project. you’ve become your father” <- hmm. that is a bold claim. because mulder has never willingly engaged in the creation of alien-human hybrids. 

chat, do we believe him? i feel that samantha’s abduction being an act of random and horrific tragedy seems more likely. and possibly more poignant. 

krychek is on the phone with cig man. “i’m alive. isn’t that a surprise?” “yes, yes, good good good. where are you?” <- LMAOOOO king of playing it casual

“somewhere where you’ll never find me, you double crossing son of a bitch” hmmm. the double crosser gets double crossed. shocked pikachu face. he threatens to make cig man “famous”, which i wouldn't be opposed to, which is NOT the same as endorsing him or his actions. 

cig man says there is no deal to make regarding the files and the agent’s lives. oh, so he thinks he can just have both, i see how it is

very sudden cut to mulder at his mom’s house at 2 am. asking his mom if she ever had to choose a favorite child. she keeps denying and denying until:

“no. i couldn’t choose. it was your father’s choice. and i hated him for it. even in his grave i hate him still” OHHHH this is adding validity to the theory that funeral man was telling the TRUTH???? poor Samantha :(

wait this is SO sad. and to think of how harsh his dad was to him while he was alive. how he must have expected the absolute best from his son because he knows he chose him over his sister. and how the only consolation for having to make that choice is to expect his son to be Perfect. which could never happen. just leaving him in deep distress. man. that is truly messed up.

man. i feel like we need space for that revelation.

but cig man is at skinner’s office. lighting up. as usual. skinner says he has the tape in exchange for the safety of the agents, but cig man says he knows skinner is bluffing

HOLY FUCK: “you ever wondered what it would be like to, uh, die in a plane crash? of botulism? even a heart attack?” <- HUH???? his melodic cadence makes this even scarier. goodness that escalated quickly.

“i’m not finished yet” (skinner fetches Albert) ALBERT??? I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH FOR HIM TO BE AT THIS SCENE. GET HIM OUT OF HERE. KEEP HIM SAFE. OH: ALBERT CAN RECITE EVERYTHING FROM THE TAPE. 

albert please do not bring this risk upon yourself, i mumble to myself OH! he told 20 other people from the tribe. “so unless you kill every Navajo living in four states… that information is available with a simple phone call. welcome to the wonderful world of high technology” wow. skinner if you had access to the tech i know about i think you would be so pleased. or maybe not. regardless, a good play. just KEEP albert safe i am NOT messing around.

cig man gets scared and leaves. as he should!

mulder at the hospital. scully is sitting alone. NO??? NOT MELISSA??? 

no, it can't be true, but it is: melissa died in surgery.

they both agree they need to get back to work so they have something to keep them from going insane with grief. their whole exchange was very emotional and powerful, but i was too sad to make extensive notes, so i'll have to circle back to that someday.

and she says “i’ve heard the truth. now what i want are the answers”. he holds her while she sits and stares at her sister's empty hospital bed. 

NOOOOO. i am filled with such sadness. scully now has to live with this belief that her sister died for her, and that she didn’t get to say thank you. and i’m very sad because i liked melissa a lot and scully deserves no pain. and her poor mother... oh, there are real tears in my eyes while i type this.

and mulder, forced to know that his father chose him over his sister, that his father was involved in what he sought to destroy, that had his father picked any other line of work, he could have had a normal, happy childhood. what the fuck. this is sooo evil. i’m sad!!! yeah i’m crying about the damn alien show. so what!!! so what!!!

listen, just because an episode is sad, does not mean it wasn’t good. it was a very good episode. i’m just sad. sometimes multiple things can be true.

grief of our main agents and their families aside, my top concern is Albert. is he going to be safe and protected? can he continue to spread the oral tradition? maybe get it written down too, for extra insurance? typed up? saved? backed up? written in notebooks? stored in archives? is he even telling the TRUTH? do other Navajo men actually know to recite the files and how to decode them? that seems like it will take a very long time to learn.

my main takeaway from the episode is to not work for the government because they will ruin your life.

it was a good episode. a great episode, even. but I’m gonna need about 30 beach episodes to make up for it. and also for the og theme to come back because you can’t change that up on me once I’m in a pattern.