#the nervous laughter!!!

[shanefilan]

Some of Jason Sudeikis' panicked responses to the question "Speaking of Ted Lasso, apparently you have some breaking news about the show?"

[christronomy]

channie was soooo surprised when he heard you talking dirty for the first time. he's usually the talkative one in bed, always the one who showers you with compliments, telling you how good you feel while he pounds into you. he can really get so into it, and he goes into detail, describing how tight you feel, sometimes he'll tell you how it looks when he fucks you by the mirror in your shared bathroom. "you're clamping down on me so fucking tight, baby... take it so well."

but he's so impressed when you start picking up on it, because he's never heard you say anything so filthy. if anything, you always got extremely flustered when he talked like that, and you had to cover your face with your hands cause of how red you got. you really caught him off gaurd one day in particular—he had you bent over the edge of the mattress, hands gripping your hips hard enough to leave a mark. he'd stuffed your underwear in your mouth to muffle your moans cause the boys were over, but you couldn't help the way your hands instinctively shot up to pull it away when he grabbed a fistful of your hair, gently tugging on it and pulling your head back enough to watch your fucked out expression. "fuck... you're so deep inside me, channie... so big..."

it caught him so off guard that he couldn't help but cum, a soft chuckle and a "fuck, baby..." leaving his lips as his palm covers your mouth to make you shut up, cause you definitely said that a little too loud, but it's not like he wasn't extra loud when he came anyways.

[ruubesz-draws]

I'm going to post something tomorrow that might get everyone looking at me like:

[your-turn-to-role]

actually while i'm posting stuff from bard's lament just have the entire tary intro it's fucking great

for context: sam has just spent approximately the past hour and a bit tearing everyone's hearts out with scanlan's breakdown, angry tirade at and subsequent leaving of vox machina, it's the first time they've had a player character actually properly leave the table, and several of them weren't sure if that meant sam was actually quitting the show

emotionally dead the morning after, vox machina decide they might as well start wrapping up loose ends with some quests they took during the dragon arc, because what else can they do

but on their way to that, matt starts describing this very opulent looking human with a giant robot next to him, as he would any other npc

and then this happens

[rodolfoparras]

Pillow talk

Pairing: FTM! Peter B. Parker x Top Male Reader

Synopsis: In which Peter, a married man, gets off to the thought of being with someone other than his spouse

Content tags: 18+, MINORS DNI, emotional infidelity, cheating kink, pillow humping, masturbation, oral sex, Peter has a size kink, Peter being a bit of a pervert

A/n: as always pls excuse any mistakes I tried a new writing style here, also if you want you can listen to More Than Friends by Isabel LaRosa while reading this since it’s heavily inspired by it!

A tired sigh escapes Peter’s lips as his bones bleed into the sheets. The window’s cracked ajar, allowing cold autumn air to mingle with the smell of MJ’s perfume that’s lingering around in the room.

He’s stripped down to nothing but his tattered pink robe, searing skin exposed to the chilly sensation emitting from his wedding ring as it trails along the length of his body.

For the first time in a while Peter’s gotten some time alone.

MJ has taken Mayday for the day and left so that Peter could have the house to himself, claiming he’d been pent up for a while and supposedly needed a break.

Peter hadn’t argued against it but had instead taken the offer with grace since it’s true that he has been feeling pent up but not for the reason MJ thinks. Peter’s sure that if she knew the reason behind his recent behaviors she wouldn’t be so willing to help him.

For the last couple of weeks Peter’s been plagued with the realization that he didn’t hate his neighbor, not his next door neighbor because that man is a menace and Peter’s pretty sure the hate’s mutual.

Instead he’s come to the realization that he didn’t hate his neighbor on the floor below him, that neighbor being you.

At first he was sure that he hated you since you made his spider senses tingle, well at least that’s what he thought it was.

He’d first met you at a neighborhood block party. You had recently moved in or so he had heard and were more than eager to get acquainted with the neighbors for whatever reason.

You were lounging around in a lawn chair when he had first arrived with MJ and Mayday.

The poor thing threatened to give out under your weight but you paid it no mind as you entertained a conversation with a neighbor and nourished a beer in your hand.

When you rose to greet him, Peter noticed that you were a whole head taller than him so it was no wonder that you made his spider senses tingle.

He tried his best to ignore you but even when he couldn’t see you, he could smell you since you wore this stupid cologne that smelled stronger than anything MJ’s ever worn before and because of that he could always tell when you were lingering around.

If he thought that smelling and seeing you was bad then touching you was something else.

He’d purposely opted out of a handshake when you first greeted each other but that didn’t save his spider sense from going into overdrive after having your knees knock together while you were sat at the same table or having your elbows brush against each other while scooping up leftovers.

However even though you made his spider sense go off, Peter had quickly realized that you weren’t a threat, at least not a dangerous one.

You were friendly and always made sure to spark up a conversation with him, even when you'd be in a rush to something.

You’d go out your way to bring him any of his mail or packages that happened to be misplaced.

Hell you'd even baby sat Mayday a handful of times so it was safe to say you weren’t a threat. But for whatever reason Peter couldn’t seem to get you out of his head.

Especially after hearing your ever so polite voice protruding through his thin bedroom walls, your dirty words squeezing between his and Mj’s hushed conversations. Or seeing the way you basically engulfed whoever was in your arms but unlike the lawn chair they seemed to thrive from being in your embrace. And escaping the smell of your cologne turned out to be a hard feat since every other day someone would be prancing around in one of your shirts dozed in the smell of it.

He doesn’t even remember when he started making sure that he’d be the one to pick Mayday up from your house, just to see whatever lounge wear you’d be prancing around in that day and the bit of skin that always seemed to show through it.

He doesn’t remember when he started hoping that the mailman would misplace yet another letter or package just so that he could feel your calloused fingertips brushing against his as you handed him something.

He doesn’t even remember when he started biting his tongue just so he wouldn’t ask you who he had seen standing outside your door the previous night.

He shouldn’t be feeling like this. He has MJ and he has Mayday and as far as he knows he’s happy. He’s just pent up, like MJ had said.

It’s not like Peter and MJ don’t have sex. It’s just that she doesn’t do it for him, at least not anymore.

Every time they get intimate he’d have to fake an orgasm or jerk off after she’d gone to bed. Lately he’s even had to pretend to be asleep every time she tried to initiate something because he simply wasn’t up for it.

So he’d find other ways to entertain himself and one of the ways being with inappropriate thoughts of his neighbor.

And things kind of escalate from there not in the literal sense since you’re so fucking polite, wont even look at him twice, keeping a respectful distance to a man who has a kid and a wife.

But God Peter wishes that you did, so much so he imagines you pinning him to the bed, hip to hip, chest to chest, those strong arms and thighs caging him into the mattress

The tattered robe wrapped around his frame doesn’t compare to the way your body would feel on top of his. But he keeps it on anyway, closes his eyes and pretends that the hand leisurely dragging across his limbs is your body pushing down onto his.

He imagines the way your lips would slot together, hot breath washing over his cheek as you whisper dirty words to him.

A thumb finds his lips, teasingly tugging and taunting at the bottom lip. It feels nothing like your calloused fingertips but his tongue peaks past his lips, tasting the salty skin before sinking down on it.

He imagines how you’d tease and taunt him in that polite voice of yours that managed to whisper such dirty words, how you’d mock him for wanting to be fucked like a bitch in heat despite the wedding band digging into his skin, maybe you’d force him to say it just so that he hears it from his own lips or so that the whole neighborhood can hear how desperate he is.

He imagines you straddling his waist grinding into him while wearing nothing but your boxers, teasing him to point where he’s soaking through his own pair of underwear.

A hand slides down his chest, blunt nails dragging down his happy trail, only to stop at the fringe of curls atop of his cunt, tugging and taunting til he’s all worked up.

He imagines your long fingers thrusting into him , or making him finger himself while wearing his wedding band, prepping himself to be fucked by someone other than his spouse.

And God he’s already so wet, fingers easily coating in his arousal as he trails them up his cunt, and in that very moment he can't help but think how MJ never gets him like this.

But his fingers are not enough- this little fantasy of his is not enough but you’re too good to do anything about it so he rolls onto his stomach before propping the pillow between his legs, pretending it’s your face.

He imagines the bed creaking under your shared weight, and the way the smell of your cologne would engulf his senses. He imagines the way your calloused fingertips would sink into the supple skin of his thighs and the way your ever so polite voice would sound as you command him to properly sit down.

He starts moving slowly, rolling his hips cautiously, imagining the way your tongue would experimentally delve through his folds.

The pillow slides in between his folds, coarse fabric creating a steady pressure onto his engorged numb, not enough to overwhelm his senses but enough to send jolts of pleasure coursing through his body every time he moves his hips.

He imagines you wanting to take your time with him wanting to taste him, tongue licking a strip along his cunt up to his puffy clit where you’d continue to tease him until he’s begging and urging you to hurry before someone can find the two of you like this.

But you wouldn’t listen to him, wouldn’t care if anyone were to find you like this, hand slapping his ass in warning before you continued to do as you pleased.

His hand cups the globe of his cheek, much like the way you’d do it if you were with him, except his fingers feel nothing like yours. But the cold sensation from his ring as it slaps his searing skin sends sparks of pleasure coursing through his entire body and for one second it almost feels like you’re actually there with him.

The coarse fabric of the pillow case reminds him so much of your stubble and it’s so wrong but feels so right - the thought of being fucked by someone other than his wife as huffs and pants escape his lips, hips moving faster as he wanders back to his fantasy.

He imagines you having him so worked up to the point where Peter’s long forgotten about the fact that someone can just walk in on you two because the bed’s creaking and he’s loudly begging and pleading for you to stop teasing.

Eventually you'd take pity on him, showing him mercy by properly latching onto his puffy clit, eagerly suckling on it before tonguing his hole.

He adjusts his hips, and the angle in which the pillow hits his clit changes slightly, and intensifies the sensation along with it.

“Oh- oh fuck!” He squeals out, toes curling as he throws his head back.

He imagines the way you’d easily have him teetering on the edge of his release with Peter begging and pleading for you to let him finish.

He can almost taste it, can hear the Squelching sounds mingling with the sound of needy noises escaping his lips. He can even smell his arousal: strong and heady, knowing he’s probably stained the pillow under him and will need to wash it before MJ comes back but for now he can’t find it in himself to care.

He’s so close, needs just a bit more -and that’s when he picks up on the sound of your footsteps walking up the stairs, smells the scent of your cologne bleeding into the air.

You must be on your way to his apartment to bring yet another misplaced package.

And Peter knows it’s wrong but it feels so right, feels himself tip over the edge as you read what’s written on the parcel, out loud

“To Peter B. Parker, please handle with care”

[2aceofspades]

Lil' sneak peek..

(song: "Goodbye Mr A" by the Hoosiers)

[needy-bunnny]

[draw-the-squad-like-this]

Draw your squad like this

[lewmagoo]

“i’m all about the hips.”

[slaygentford]

haha it would be so crazy if ancient rome was real right guys. guys

[dilfs4lifexo]

ARGHH 😻

[afrowrites]

Princess and the Farm-Boy (Special Chapter 😏

DISCLAMER: ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP

Author's note: Y'all it was been one hell of a year. I mean I have never been so overworked and with other stuff in my life it has been impossible to write anything, but I had this one in the works for awhile and I thought you guys deserved a treat. So here is my first *Ahem* "Spicy fic". I really hope y'all enjoy it :).

Clark Kent !Smallville! x Black reader

Warnings: Smut, Oral (f! receiving), Unprotected P in V sex (Please be careful irl)

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61783975

There you are stuck in the rain, the mud creeping up your loafers and on your nice white stockings. Once again your plans to escape Smallville have proven futile. Your eyes start to tear up in frustration, which makes no sense. After all you're not a child, so why should you start crying like one. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a familiar and annoying truck pulling up.

 “Hey, are you ok?” Clark asks, he sounds genuine. 

“Yeah, I'm uh just fine.” You answer, he looks at you quizzically. He knows how much you hate mud and all things dirty.

“Doesn't look like it.” “Well what would you know anyway?!” You spat, your pride may be bruised but it's not broken.

He grumbles in frustration, he knows you're not going anywhere without a fight. So he goes for the next best thing, you see him get out the truck his tall frame makes his way to you and then he grins a little devilish grin.

“C'mon I know you don't wanna be here out in this rain, your hair’s too important.” 

“I don't see how that's any of you- Oh my God what are you doing!!!” You squeal as you are suddenly hoisted in the air and on his shoulder.

“Well princess, I'm taking you home.” He smiles.

You don't know how to feel about his nickname for you. 

Usually you hate it but right now it makes your cheeks heat up in a way you have never felt before.

He drives you both in silence, he realizes that he kinda kidnapped you, and you are feeling an acute sense of butterflies. Something you could never feel for Clark Kent. 

You shake the thought right out of your head, he looks over to you sort of reading your mind,

“Hey so uh- what is the deal you, I mean ever since we met you act like you hate me.”

You turn your head towards him, looking at his defined jaw, it's making you melt right in your chair.

“I don't hate you Clark,” you sigh “I just needed something to be upset at. It just felt weird to be taken from my penthouse in metropolis and come to Smallville, y’know.”

He does understand where you're coming from. 

“Look, I might not be super rich and super smart like you, But I know what it feels like to be taken from my home.” He comforts you, hesitantly placing a warm hand on yours. 

Before your able to pry further, you make it home. “I guess this is your stop,” He chuckles.

“You know the staff aren’t home, It’s pouring out there,” You sheepishly continue “I-I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” You can’t even believe the words that are coming out of your mouth, yet they feel so natural. 

He does his usual goofy shrug and mumbles an “Okay”. 

You say your name into the intercom and your let in to your expansive house, It’s a far difference from his warm and inviting home. You both walk across polished wooden floors with high ceilings, old paintings and weapons from a time before. He felt it was all a bit macabre. 

You take his hand leading him to your room. It’s hilarious when you get to your room. It's pink and filled to the brim with hello kitty and poster’s of Beyonce on your wall, it’s much more girly than the cold academic you are.

“Don’t gawk, I’m still a girl y’know.” You tell him, your words bringing him out of his trance. You take your sweater off infront of him as you're preparing to take a nice warm shower. He peaks over and sees you in your rain soaked white button down. He begins to blush as he sees your bra pink and full of ruffles just like your room. He almost gets an anime nosebleed from seeing you. 

“Here I’m gonna take a shower,” You throw him the remote. “Pick anything you want, I pretty much have all the good movies.” You wink uncharacteristically and slink into the bathroom. 

He turns on the tv and flips through the channels until he finds something. He hears a knock on the door, and while no one is on the other side he finds a fresh T-shirt and some comfy pants in his size in a warmed box. 

“Hey um, I thought you said no one was here.” He asked you through the wall.

“Oh there isn’t, I had my robot send it over.” He rolls his eyes. Of course you have a robot, He thinks to himself. 

He slips into the warm clothes, He doesn’t know however that you're peeping through the crack in your bathroom door, You notice his strong arms and wide back, He has such a soft chest. He’s jacked but not ripped and you don’t mind it one bit. 

You walk out into your bed room still in your robe, He’s sitting in your bed comfortably hand on his stomach. You look out the window seeing the worsening storm. 

“Hey do you wanna just stay the night?” You ask him. And while he could go through the storm no problem he needs to keep up the facade of being powerless so he just nods. You hand him your phone and tell him to call his parents. 

You sit at your vanity and start to moisturize your brown skin. He looks over to your glowing beautiful skin. He's so hungry it’s almost like he’s eating you with his eyes,he almost trips over his words when telling his parents he wouldn’t be home for dinner. 

There you are in your silk pajamas and a cute boy in your room, You have no idea what in the world to do. So you just get under the covers next to him. You hesitantly put your hand on his chest, and before you can pull away he takes your hand in his. The warmth he gives you makes you melt. 

“You know farmville, Sometimes I think I like you.” The confession falls out of your mouth like your Niagra falls. You sit up wide eyed staring into his sky blue eyes.

He just gives you a toothy grin like no other and plants a soft kiss to your lips, after a second he pulls away. “ I was wondering when you were gonna come to your senses.” 

You roll your eyes and kiss him, this time it gets deeper. You rake your hands through his messy brown hair as he places you on top of him. You straddle his lap and his strong arms cradle your back. He melts into your mouth like vanilla ice cream on a hot summer’s day, And he smells like fresh cut wood and apple pie. He tastes like a dream you’ve been desperately reaching out for but you could never hold. 

He pulls away to catch his breath, with blown out pupils like he’s in love, (Well he is now lol). 

“Gosh, you’re just perfect.” He breathes into your neck slowly kissing down your collarbone to your plump and supple chest. 

You take a deep breath everytime he kisses your radiant brown skin. “Clark,” You break him out of his trance. “Yes, Princess?” The nickname sounds fresh and new but familiar and quiet all at the same time. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You ask him timidly. “Girl, I don’t think your brother himself could keep me away from you.” He chuckles into you as he slips off the strap of your top. Exposing your  glowing bare breasts.

His mouth salivates at the sight of them, And in one swift motion he pulls you further into him.

He places his warm mouth on one of your soft peaks while caressing the other.

“Oh Clark,” You say his name with a sharp gasp “That feels s-so good.” You enjoy his movements as he kisses lower and lower till he reaches your soft entrance. 

His eyes roam the sight, his pupils blown and his breath hazy. Your scent light and sweet envelops his nose. 

He starts licking your clit with long swipes of his tongue, you sharply moan. Tangling your fingers in his soft brown hair. 

He’s eating you out like he is a man on death row, and you're his final meal. And then when you didn’t think it could get any better he places his thick fingers in your sloppy wet pussy.

“Oh-Oh my god Clark,” you moan out. You're loving every single bit of attention he gives you. And he’s doing so much it’s like he can hold his breath forever he hasn’t even come up for air. 

You're so focused on the pleasure he gives you, you don’t even realize how your belly feels warmer. How your toes start to curl, how your body starts to writhe and squirm. But he knows, he knows that even between the broken sentences and near pornographic moans your body is close to climax.

“C’mon princess, think you can give me me a-” and before the man can continue there you are creaming this poor farmboy’s fingers. Your back arches as you cry out in pleasure. 

“GOD, FUCK.”  Your words spurn him on as he didn’t realize himself that he was grinding into your bed. His dick so hard and with precum leaking at the tip. He’s afraid to hurt you with his size. He won’t even bring up the subject of his sore cock to you opting to handle his business in the bathroom. 

“Oh my god Clark that was amazing.”, “Oh well I thought-”  you interrupt his words with a deep and passionate kiss as your hands glide down to his member. You can almost feel the heat coming off of it. 

“ I think I know how to help you with that.” You giggle. You can see his cheeks heating up as he blushed furiously. 

You pull his pants down to reveal a huge throbbing cock. “How the hell am I supposed to fit this in my-” 

He hears you mumble under your breath, “Y’know you don’t have to do this.” “Clark, Baby if I didn’t want to do this you would know. Now open my side drawer, there’s a bottle of lube in there.”

So he grabs the lubricant for you, for some reason he is surprised at your usage of the bottle mostly because it’s halfway gone. 

“Oh relax, it's for my dildo’s, ya goof.” You giggle at him once more. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of that noise. 

You apply the cold lube to his red throbbing cock, which sends shivers down his spine. His chest heaves in pleasure as you stroke his thick member. 

“Baby do you want me to ride it, or do you wanna be on top?” The two options scream out to him, “Can you ride me p-please?” he asks, almost nervous like he didn’t just eat your pussy like it was a birthday cake. 

You straddle his lap, grinding on him teasing his very soul. You finally give him some relief  when you place his tip at your entrance. He’s so big you have to catch your breath every inch on the way down.

“I’m sorry princess, I know it’s a lot,” “Oh no it’sss.” You hiss in the middle of your sentence. “I can take it.” 

You finally bottom out and it feels like the air has been removed from your lungs. You reassure him that you're fine but he insists you take a breather before you start. 

You slowly pump yourself up and down on his length relishing in the feeling, His hands gripping the sheets trying so hard not to hurt you. The pleasure is almost to good as his beautiful pink lips part in an attempt to breath out a silent prayer of release.

“Princess, I’m so sorry I can’t-” He grabs on to your hips, speeding up the pace on both of your pleasures. 

“W-wait Clark, Oh ff-uck!” You whine as you take your arms and wrap them around his back, glistening with sweat. 

It seems like his strokes would never stop but as his pleasure builds with yours. 

“I’m gonna, s-hit.” He hisses as spurts of his cum flow inside of you as you follow releasing on to him.

You both look at each other with boundless stars in each other's eyes. “That. was… Amazing, I never would have thought goody two shoes Clark Kent could do all of that.” You breathily laugh. 

“Right back atcha, now I think I need a shower. Care to uh join me?” he asks shyly. 

You smirk because the fun has only just begun.

Taglist: @blackynsupremacy

[jojo-schmo]

Here we have two little creatures of unknown origin.

Their appearances are deceptively innocent, but they are not from this world. They seem to not remember everything about themselves, but their past hides some profound secrets. Perhaps even some powers of cosmic proportions....?

Their arrival to the world was sudden and mysterious. Meta Knight would call it suspicious. King Dedede just wants to make sure they're safe because they remind him of his own Waddle Dee subjects.

And so they have been accepted and cared for by the heroes of Dreamland. But these beings will always recognize that they are outsiders and it causes them some internal turmoil.

They share the ability of mimicry. They recall voices and sounds from their past, and communicate this way when words fail them. They specifically focus on sounding like a Waddle Dee, parroting their cries and mutters of "Wanyas."

But what will the future hold for these curious life forms, the land they now call home, and the unknown forces they are connected to......??! >:O

Roleswap Elfilis by me, Starstruck Dee by @starflungwaddledee

More thoughts below:

So for a while now, as Starflung has slowly revealed lore, the coincidental similarities between Roleswap Elfilis and Starstruck Dee have not been lost on me! ;D But I LOVE IT!!

I think it's actually super duper awesome how two characters written by different people and created at different times can have so much in common, but have very different stories and personal developments and obstacles! :D

So during my lunch break today, I thought that if Elfilis and Starstruck met, one of the first things that could happen is their mutual mimicry turning into a face-to-face echo chamber. Each one would point at the other in surprise and confusion, because this being is not a Waddle Dee, yet they sound just like one?! And why does physical contact with her make Elfilis feel strange and dizzy??!

After the initial shock, Elfilis would probably find her intriguing and curious. As he learns more about her, he'd find it comforting to be around someone in a similar situation as his. Plus I think he'd really enjoy exploring the wonder and whimsy of the world with someone like her. :3

Just a little something for fun and to show my admiration and respect for Starflung's art and writing, teehee. Hopefully I didn't get any of your lore too wrong! tell me if I did tho :0

[2aceofspades]

TW: Blood/injury, body horror

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Dazed

The very beginning | Previous | Next

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How are we still here y'all oh my stars...

[sapphosclosefriend]

What if I just share an edit of this performance, like what if I just..........no I won't........................*presses "post"*

[galaxywarp]

if I end up in the ER again for my period I’m gonna be so upset about it lmfao.