#I tried a new writing style with this one let me know what u think

[rodolfoparras]

Pillow talk

Pairing: FTM! Peter B. Parker x Top Male Reader

Synopsis: In which Peter, a married man, gets off to the thought of being with someone other than his spouse

Content tags: 18+, MINORS DNI, emotional infidelity, cheating kink, pillow humping, masturbation, oral sex, Peter has a size kink, Peter being a bit of a pervert

A/n: as always pls excuse any mistakes I tried a new writing style here, also if you want you can listen to More Than Friends by Isabel LaRosa while reading this since it’s heavily inspired by it!

A tired sigh escapes Peter’s lips as his bones bleed into the sheets. The window’s cracked ajar, allowing cold autumn air to mingle with the smell of MJ’s perfume that’s lingering around in the room.

He’s stripped down to nothing but his tattered pink robe, searing skin exposed to the chilly sensation emitting from his wedding ring as it trails along the length of his body.

For the first time in a while Peter’s gotten some time alone.

MJ has taken Mayday for the day and left so that Peter could have the house to himself, claiming he’d been pent up for a while and supposedly needed a break.

Peter hadn’t argued against it but had instead taken the offer with grace since it’s true that he has been feeling pent up but not for the reason MJ thinks. Peter’s sure that if she knew the reason behind his recent behaviors she wouldn’t be so willing to help him.

For the last couple of weeks Peter’s been plagued with the realization that he didn’t hate his neighbor, not his next door neighbor because that man is a menace and Peter’s pretty sure the hate’s mutual.

Instead he’s come to the realization that he didn’t hate his neighbor on the floor below him, that neighbor being you.

At first he was sure that he hated you since you made his spider senses tingle, well at least that’s what he thought it was.

He’d first met you at a neighborhood block party. You had recently moved in or so he had heard and were more than eager to get acquainted with the neighbors for whatever reason.

You were lounging around in a lawn chair when he had first arrived with MJ and Mayday.

The poor thing threatened to give out under your weight but you paid it no mind as you entertained a conversation with a neighbor and nourished a beer in your hand.

When you rose to greet him, Peter noticed that you were a whole head taller than him so it was no wonder that you made his spider senses tingle.

He tried his best to ignore you but even when he couldn’t see you, he could smell you since you wore this stupid cologne that smelled stronger than anything MJ’s ever worn before and because of that he could always tell when you were lingering around.

If he thought that smelling and seeing you was bad then touching you was something else.

He’d purposely opted out of a handshake when you first greeted each other but that didn’t save his spider sense from going into overdrive after having your knees knock together while you were sat at the same table or having your elbows brush against each other while scooping up leftovers.

However even though you made his spider sense go off, Peter had quickly realized that you weren’t a threat, at least not a dangerous one.

You were friendly and always made sure to spark up a conversation with him, even when you'd be in a rush to something.

You’d go out your way to bring him any of his mail or packages that happened to be misplaced.

Hell you'd even baby sat Mayday a handful of times so it was safe to say you weren’t a threat. But for whatever reason Peter couldn’t seem to get you out of his head.

Especially after hearing your ever so polite voice protruding through his thin bedroom walls, your dirty words squeezing between his and Mj’s hushed conversations. Or seeing the way you basically engulfed whoever was in your arms but unlike the lawn chair they seemed to thrive from being in your embrace. And escaping the smell of your cologne turned out to be a hard feat since every other day someone would be prancing around in one of your shirts dozed in the smell of it.

He doesn’t even remember when he started making sure that he’d be the one to pick Mayday up from your house, just to see whatever lounge wear you’d be prancing around in that day and the bit of skin that always seemed to show through it.

He doesn’t remember when he started hoping that the mailman would misplace yet another letter or package just so that he could feel your calloused fingertips brushing against his as you handed him something.

He doesn’t even remember when he started biting his tongue just so he wouldn’t ask you who he had seen standing outside your door the previous night.

He shouldn’t be feeling like this. He has MJ and he has Mayday and as far as he knows he’s happy. He’s just pent up, like MJ had said.

It’s not like Peter and MJ don’t have sex. It’s just that she doesn’t do it for him, at least not anymore.

Every time they get intimate he’d have to fake an orgasm or jerk off after she’d gone to bed. Lately he’s even had to pretend to be asleep every time she tried to initiate something because he simply wasn’t up for it.

So he’d find other ways to entertain himself and one of the ways being with inappropriate thoughts of his neighbor.

And things kind of escalate from there not in the literal sense since you’re so fucking polite, wont even look at him twice, keeping a respectful distance to a man who has a kid and a wife.

But God Peter wishes that you did, so much so he imagines you pinning him to the bed, hip to hip, chest to chest, those strong arms and thighs caging him into the mattress

The tattered robe wrapped around his frame doesn’t compare to the way your body would feel on top of his. But he keeps it on anyway, closes his eyes and pretends that the hand leisurely dragging across his limbs is your body pushing down onto his.

He imagines the way your lips would slot together, hot breath washing over his cheek as you whisper dirty words to him.

A thumb finds his lips, teasingly tugging and taunting at the bottom lip. It feels nothing like your calloused fingertips but his tongue peaks past his lips, tasting the salty skin before sinking down on it.

He imagines how you’d tease and taunt him in that polite voice of yours that managed to whisper such dirty words, how you’d mock him for wanting to be fucked like a bitch in heat despite the wedding band digging into his skin, maybe you’d force him to say it just so that he hears it from his own lips or so that the whole neighborhood can hear how desperate he is.

He imagines you straddling his waist grinding into him while wearing nothing but your boxers, teasing him to point where he’s soaking through his own pair of underwear.

A hand slides down his chest, blunt nails dragging down his happy trail, only to stop at the fringe of curls atop of his cunt, tugging and taunting til he’s all worked up.

He imagines your long fingers thrusting into him , or making him finger himself while wearing his wedding band, prepping himself to be fucked by someone other than his spouse.

And God he’s already so wet, fingers easily coating in his arousal as he trails them up his cunt, and in that very moment he can't help but think how MJ never gets him like this.

But his fingers are not enough- this little fantasy of his is not enough but you’re too good to do anything about it so he rolls onto his stomach before propping the pillow between his legs, pretending it’s your face.

He imagines the bed creaking under your shared weight, and the way the smell of your cologne would engulf his senses. He imagines the way your calloused fingertips would sink into the supple skin of his thighs and the way your ever so polite voice would sound as you command him to properly sit down.

He starts moving slowly, rolling his hips cautiously, imagining the way your tongue would experimentally delve through his folds.

The pillow slides in between his folds, coarse fabric creating a steady pressure onto his engorged numb, not enough to overwhelm his senses but enough to send jolts of pleasure coursing through his body every time he moves his hips.

He imagines you wanting to take your time with him wanting to taste him, tongue licking a strip along his cunt up to his puffy clit where you’d continue to tease him until he’s begging and urging you to hurry before someone can find the two of you like this.

But you wouldn’t listen to him, wouldn’t care if anyone were to find you like this, hand slapping his ass in warning before you continued to do as you pleased.

His hand cups the globe of his cheek, much like the way you’d do it if you were with him, except his fingers feel nothing like yours. But the cold sensation from his ring as it slaps his searing skin sends sparks of pleasure coursing through his entire body and for one second it almost feels like you’re actually there with him.

The coarse fabric of the pillow case reminds him so much of your stubble and it’s so wrong but feels so right - the thought of being fucked by someone other than his wife as huffs and pants escape his lips, hips moving faster as he wanders back to his fantasy.

He imagines you having him so worked up to the point where Peter’s long forgotten about the fact that someone can just walk in on you two because the bed’s creaking and he’s loudly begging and pleading for you to stop teasing.

Eventually you'd take pity on him, showing him mercy by properly latching onto his puffy clit, eagerly suckling on it before tonguing his hole.

He adjusts his hips, and the angle in which the pillow hits his clit changes slightly, and intensifies the sensation along with it.

“Oh- oh fuck!” He squeals out, toes curling as he throws his head back.

He imagines the way you’d easily have him teetering on the edge of his release with Peter begging and pleading for you to let him finish.

He can almost taste it, can hear the Squelching sounds mingling with the sound of needy noises escaping his lips. He can even smell his arousal: strong and heady, knowing he’s probably stained the pillow under him and will need to wash it before MJ comes back but for now he can’t find it in himself to care.

He’s so close, needs just a bit more -and that’s when he picks up on the sound of your footsteps walking up the stairs, smells the scent of your cologne bleeding into the air.

You must be on your way to his apartment to bring yet another misplaced package.

And Peter knows it’s wrong but it feels so right, feels himself tip over the edge as you read what’s written on the parcel, out loud

“To Peter B. Parker, please handle with care”

[flemingsfreckles]

Newlyweds

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Preview: You and Jessie finally get married, when you get home, your original plans get derailed by your sleepy wife

Warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex (fingering), getting walked in on, no detailed smut, non sexual nudity, showering together,

WC: 1.6k

A/N: this ended up soft and fluffy, I thought about taking it the smut route but I didn’t, sorry I know yall love some smut, I also finished writing this just now and I’m just gonna post it, it’ll edit it if I find errors but it’s very possible they’re in there.

Jessie was practically cackling as she ran down the hallway of your home toward your bedroom with you cradled in her arms.

“If you fall you’re going to get us both hurt Jessie.” You tried to protest when she went to pick you up outside the front door.

“It’ll be fine! Plus it’s a tradition thing.”

“I think the tradition is the groom carries the bride through the door, last time I checked we’re both the bride.”

“Shhh just let me do it.” You had, reluctantly let her pick you up, bridal style, walking you through the door of your house. It only took 3 steps for Jessie to in fact trip over the rug that sat at the entrance.

Thankfully neither of you were hurt, she had managed to catch both herself and you before either of you hit the floor.

“Jessie!”

That’s what set her off laughing. And she couldn’t stop, she was hysterically laughing as she kept moving, using your body to push open the bedroom door. By the time she placed you on the bed you were laughing too. You couldn’t help it, your wife’s laugh was contagious.

“I cannot believe you almost fell.” You shake your head looking up at where she stood next to the bed. Going limp she flops down onto the bed next to you. She’s laying on her stomach, looking at you as you lay on your back, turned to the side to look at your wife.

“Hi wifey.” She whispers to you, the biggest toothy grin across her face.

“Hi wife.” You lean in and kiss her gently.

You both lay, just staring at each other, soaking in the fact that just a few hours ago you had officially gotten married.

The two of you had joked for so long that you practically were married, being together since you were 17 and 18, you had stayed together falling in love with each other more and more as the time went on. Now being 25 and 26 you finally had done it, in front of all your friends and family, you were married.

As you stare at her you notice her eyes starting to flutter closed, then she’d open them with a couple hard blinks, before they’d start to droop again. The sight is adorable, Jessie’s sleepy face gently placed on the bed.

“Let’s go to sleep Jess”

“No, we’re supposed to, ya know, consummate the marriage.” She cracks her eyes enough to look at you and wiggles her eyebrows.

“Babe, I think that tradition is more for people who didn’t sleep together before marriage, we’ve been having sex for like 8 years.”

“But still, we’ve never had sex as wives.”

“What do you call the fingering in the reception bathroom then?” You counter.

You weren’t too proud of it, but something about seeing Jessie in her tuxedo declaring how much she loved you in front of everyone you both cared about, turned you on. You couldn’t help yourself but to whisper some filthy words into Jessie’s ear as both of you sat having dinner. The two of you had snuck off to a bathroom during your reception to have a moment to yourselves, one thing turned into another and before you knew it Jessie had you sitting on the sink, her fingers under your dress and inside of you.

Jessie’s face turned red at the memory.

“That doesn’t count as consummation, no one finished.” She argues with you.

“That’s not my fault, you can thank your sister for that.”

Jessie’s little, but thankfully adult, sister had come looking for both of you. The photographer needed you both for photos with your brand new wedding bands. You thought you had locked the door when you walked in, turns out Jessie had already made an attempt to lock it, meaning you unlocked it. She had looked everywhere, before she opened the bathroom door, seeing her older sister between your thighs, your dress hiked up around your waist and Jessie’s hand between your legs.

“Oh, you two are disgusting.” She clasped her hand over her eyes. “Wash your hands and both of you get out here, the photographer needs you!” Jessie had been mortified, being caught by her sister of all people, she would’ve preferred a teammate. You had laughed it off and dragged your red faced wife out of the bathroom.

The party continued on for a few hours after and while you were still very turned on by your wife, the exhaustion of the day started to sink in not exactly leaving either of you in the mood for what you knew would be multiple rounds of sex.

You watched as Jessie’s eyes continued to flutter shut each time they shut they stay closed for longer and longer until you’re pretty convinced she wasn’t going to open them again.

“Hey,” you gently nudge her shoulder and her eyes crack open. “Let’s go shower and get changed.”

“But I’m so comfortable here.”

“Come on babe, we can have our first shower together as wives.” Saying the word wife and it not being a joke anymore made you smile.

“So cozy in the bed.” She mumbled as her eyes closed again.

“Alright, hang on.” You stand up, moving over to the side of the bed closest to her, you scoop your arms under her shoulders and the other under her knees. She doesn’t protest as you lift her and carry her into the bathroom.

You gently place her on the floor and give her a kiss. “Let’s get you undressed.”

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Jessie smirks at you.

“No, you were just falling asleep on the bed.”

She pouts at you, arms crossed. You gently take her wrists, undoing the cufflinks of her dress shirt and then sliding off her tuxedo coat. Your fingers move to the buttons on her vest, undoing those and helping her remove it. Lastly is her dress shirt, she works from the top down as you work to undo the bottom of her shirt. Your hands meet in the middle and she pulls the shirt off and quickly follows it with her sports bra.

“My beautiful wife.” You lean down placing kisses across her exposed skin. While your mouth stays kissing her chest, your fingers move to her belt, undoing it and sliding it out from her pants. She undoes the button on her slacks and lets them fall to the floor. You hands find the elastic of her boxers and you slowly pull them down. Moving your head from her chest you place kisses along both of her thighs as you remove her underwear.

“You’re turn.” She says, you turn away from her to allow her access to the zipper and ties on your dress.

Jessie’s hands find the top tie and begin undoing the knot. “Have I told you enough how beautiful you look?” She says as her fingers move to the next tie. “Absolutely stunning, you took my breath away.” Her hands then move to the zipper, undoing the rest of the dress. She brings her hands up to where the top of the dress sat. She begins pulling it off of your body, similarly to your actions she brings her lips, placing them on every inch of skin on your back she exposes pulling down your dress.

Jessie extends a hand to you to help you step out and over the dress. “Wow.” She takes the time to look you up and down. You had bought a new set of lingerie for the wedding. It was a lacy white set, one you knew would make your wife crazy. “Where did you get this?” Her fingers work into the straps of the bra.

“Oh you know, just something I had lying around.” You joke with her. Her eyes are locked on your chest. “Quit staring, I’ll put it on again tomorrow for you to fully enjoy.” The comment had Jessie biting her lip, likely thinking of what she’d get to do to you after a good night's sleep.

You move your own hands to your bra, unclasping the back while Jessie’s thumbs hook into your matching panties and pull them down your legs. She comes back up to meet your lips with hers.

You both stay for a second, grinning at each other, both overwhelmed with happiness. You pull away to start the shower, while you wait for it to run warm you pull Jessie into your arms, hugging from behind. You turn the two of you toward the mirror above the vanity.

“Look at my wife.” You point in the mirror at Jessie’s figure in front of you.

“Ehh she’s alright but look at my wife!” She teases you back, pointing at you in the mirror.

“I love you, wife.”

“I love you, wife”

Your arms release her, giving her a quick squeeze with your hand on her shoulders. “Let’s hurry up and shower so we can sleep and then tomorrow we can do all the consummating you want.” You give her a wink and she quickly follows you into the shower, the two of you having a moment of peace and relaxation after the day’s festivities. As you looked at her in the shower, you couldn’t help but think how it was just the two of you, and that was all you would ever need. You and her.

[yayll]

Hiii i hope you're feeling better soon :(( I was wondering if I could request a Dazai x reader fic where the reader has PTSD? Specifically, the beginning of autumn kind of triggers her (sorry if it's a confusing i dunno how to word it lol) Could it be fluff/comfort? Btw I love your writing style so badly so pls tweak the idea if you think it would work better! And no worries if you'd rather pass :33

hii angel i genuinely am sorry that this took me a while! (work and life happened a little more than usual, GOT SICK and barely had time to sit down and write.) it was so ivover but i am fine now thank u so much bub!

i REALLY hope you like this and that it's what u wanted, i've never written someone w PTSD before and i was just rlly hoping i didn't mess this characterization up for ur request ahhh. i had such a nice time writing it and i rlly wanted to explore the impact it could have around reader and dazai and him going out of his way even if it could be a little goofy and sappy to make u feel at least a little better even if u can't talk abt it.

i love uuuu thank u again! <3

~ a little something about Dazai noticing harmful patterns and loving you through them ~

He's been watching you sit by the window for the past half hour as you stare at what seems like the beginning of the new season outside. You were quieter than usual, more withdrawn and jumpy, which could only mean that you weren't sharing something with him- or rather having trouble processing something to the point where you didn't realize he could tell something inside you was on high alert.

Dazai would rather die than see you in such a state, especially during what's supposed to be such an exciting time of the year that's full of the things you usually love to do. Whatever is impeding you from enjoying the leaves falling has to be dealt with the most delicate of methods, but especially with love. If you taught him anything about the past haunting you to the point of mental distress, something he suffered bouts of every now and then when memories made days grow dark, it's that all you need is one person to truly witness you. Just like how you've seen the ugliest parts of him time and time again yet you still look at him with all the stars in the sky, stars he consumes like a black hole waiting to be filled.

Luckily for you, he has an arsenal of things he can try to soothe you with, because he wouldn't be a good detective AND boyfriend if he didn't keep all those context clues in his pocket for a bad day. Mainly though, he was just completely attuned to your every need. You are his happiness, and your wellness isn't up for debate: It's mandatory. He stands up from the loveseat with a deep exhale as he walks over to you, his lips curled in a lazy smile as he tests the waters to see what you could need from him without asking.

"You know, if you stay any more still I could probably paint you like one of those fancy paintings. What do you say, be my model?"

You look over at him from the window, and he can visibly tell you haven't been at ease lately. He suddenly realizes he's just fallen even more in love with you. That there is nothing in this world that could ever let him see you as anything but his heart.

You murmur, a faint smile decorating your serene face.

"Mm, I'm not sure. I don't think I could pose for that long, you know? It would probably be hard to catch my likeness, heh."

He clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes with a playful smirk. Oh how he wants to lean in and worship your likeness with his loving touch, but he decides to take it easy on the physical affection for now, not until he knows you're feeling up for it. He can be a good boy, something he usually isn't.

"Well, I wouldn't mind being the brave young knight who tries~ Shall we take this outside for better lighting?"

You instantly don't give him a good reaction to that. You shrug, seeming conflicted and unsure of yourself, but unable to really bring yourself to explain with words, something uncharacteristic of you.

No problem! Dazai thinks to himself. If you don't want to go outside, he can bring outside to you in the comfort of home. He'll enhance your safe space, and tailor it to just what you need. He hums, tapping his temple in an exaggerated manner as if he were thinking really hard and when he sees that it gets a small giggle out of you, he knows he's on the right track.

"Hm, I know what we should do instead. Wait here, angel.~"

He disappears into the hallway and you sit there as the sound of cabinets opening and rummaging around fills the air. You smile to yourself, and shake your head at the mental image of Dazai becoming a tornado to find whatever he's looking for right now, hoping he doesn't make too much of a mess. You fidget with your hair, twirling it in between your fingers as you take a deep grounding breath while you wait.

A moment later, he comes back with what seems like art supplies and a ton of mini candlesticks.

He knows you're intrigued when you tilt your head in confusion, but then again that's probably just the confusion... Dazai sets down two canvases along with the candles, flashing you a mischievous grin. If you couldn't process your feelings through words, art was always there! You look over the activities he's laid out for you both, awaiting his silver tongued explanation.

"You know when I want to be the little spoon but I don't say anything?"

You laugh softly, and nod.

"Mhm, you get all moody and weird."

He nods back, a half smile on his face as he rests his hands on his hips. He wants to tell you that the only reason he even knew such intimate luxuries is because you showed him that he's worthy of it, of being loved, but he doesn't say anything. He lets the sweet memories between you swim through his mind as fuel for the day he's trying to create for you. His voice sounds more like he's talking out loud now, lost in a thought..

"You make me moody and weird. You also make me want to grab your soft little face and just..."

He then snaps back to the moment, and his tone picks up.

"... But alas, there is no time to waste! Come, sit, I'll get the other things ready.~"

He zooms off to the kitchen, and your heart softens at how much he fusses over you, though you also hope you aren't being too much. You know he'd hate to hear that, so you simply sit down and look over the supplies you had honestly forgotten you had.

Dazai makes tea, because he knows it helps with your fidgeting and you like how the mug feels in your hands, he also begins to set the candle sticks all over the living room, lighting them one by one. You flash him a look of faint concern.

"Feels like Dracula's castle. You sure this is safe, Osamu?"

He simply grins impishly.

"It's called 'mood lighting', cutie. There is an atmosphere to be created!"

"Yeah, and possibly a wildfire."

"Boo, you're no fun. Besides, that sounds like a problem for future us. We live in the moment."

Dazai would never risk your safety and you know that, which is why you don't push the topic any further.

You two settle in, the candles illuminating you both with a warm flame that feels more comforting than you'd like to admit, you feel yourself becoming more immersed in the random little doodles and brush strokes you create as you both talk for hours about literally nothing while sipping on your tea. Nothing feels nice, for once and Dazai can see it in the way you slowly become less and less tense. So mindful, so beautiful.

After you fill your canvas, you set it down, and peer over at Dazai's.

"What'd you paint?"

He smiles sheepishly, and hides his.

"Not finished yet. No peeking!"

He stands up and in one swift motion, runs outside, while leaving you bewildered at the spontaneity of the situation. A few moments later, he runs back inside, huffing with his arms behind his back. He sits back down on the floor with you, criss crossed. He grabs his canvas, and puts something on it as he slowly unveils his work to you.

It's a single crisp leaf he must have plucked from the grass when it fell, the orange and reddish hue placed on the canvas that shows a cartoonishly painted tree as well. He murmurs, eyes trained lovingly on you but with that familiar playful tone.

"I wanted you to get a little air. It's good for one's mood, you know."

You slowly take the leaf, and twiddle it in your thumb as you begin to smile to yourself. You mutter back.

"The weather changes, moods change, it's so overwhelming sometimes..."

He slowly leans in a little closer and places a hand on the small of your back, inching you closer to him too. He wants to distract you from those thoughts affecting you, but it's getting harder when all he can think about is how much you affect him. He whispers.

"My mood never changes, you're the most precious thing I have ever seen all year round."

You look up at him, your eyes communicating what you feel, and he picks up on it with a silent confirmation. You hold each other's gaze for a long quiet moment and when you feel ready you lean into his chest, nuzzling into him. He envelops you in a hug that feels like the remedy you've been searching for this whole time, and it almost brings you to tears. You don't know it also does the same to him. He gives you a soft squeeze and leans down to your ear, his warm breath feeling like the way life is supposed to feel. You mumble, your voice slightly muffled against him.

"Thank you, Osamu. Love you."

He smiles at that. To be something so soothing to you, to be of use for once in his life, it's a feeling that he could never describe. He'll have to find the words when he covers you in kisses from head to toe later, when he makes sure you feel the full extent of his devotion to you through thick and thin. He exhales deeply.

"Change of season, change of mind... It doesn't matter to me. It's still you. It will always be you."

[wileys-russo]

Hope u are having a fun time on your holiday so far xx

absolutely obsessed with Pollito, one of my favourite characters you have written and every fic you write about her makes me so happy.

here's some headcannons i have been thinking about!

Place Pollito with anyone during media and they will get nothing done, especially the young players. Vicky and Pollito got banned from doing media together because they couldn't get anything done and kept on messing around the whole time. No matter how many times the team tries to media train her, it never works cause she just says the most out of pocket things. So the only person she can do media with is Alexia cause she knows how to keep Pollito at bay.

School is not the easiest for Pollito, and she absolutely hates doing any school work when she would rather be kicking around a football. But of course mother Alexia forces poor Pollito to finish her assignments, sitting her alone in a corner during a training day and telling people not to engage with Pollito otherwise they would have to do laps. Poor Pollito is depressed and Vicky can't help but laugh at her and take photos at Pollito and send it to Pollito's girlfriend, because unlike Pollito, Vicky actually gets her work done when she is supposed to.

i feel like she has every ear piercing possible, like seven on both ears. Pollito has never been scared of needles so if she was able to get away with piercing her nose again she would, but Alexia would never let that happen again.

With Pollito being afraid of vomit i feel like the exact same thing would happen, like in one of your before the void stories when Fresa and Alexia would gag to make Alba sick. But it would happen to Pollito, with her brothers finding out about her stomach issues and using it to their advantage that whenever Pollito annoyed them as kids, they would gag and Pollito would run as fast as she could away from them.

Even though Pollito doesn't like learning in the classroom she loves learning new things about football. Pollito is always ready to learn new plays and get tips from her older more experienced teammates who love to show her ways to improve her style of play. Pollito wants to be the best in the world, and she knows that in order for her wish to come true, she needs to learn from her teammates who are the best.

Jenni and Pollito would be such a powerful duo, they would always be trying to annoy Alexia and get under her skin, but unlike Pollito who eventually has to stop annoying Alexia in fear of what she would do, Jenni non stops annoys Alexia and, Ale does not like how Jenni is corrupting Pollito to not be scared of her anymore. Jenni always steals the phone from Ale when Pollito is on the phone, and Alexia always has to force it off her as Jenni is trying to convince Pollito to come to Mexico and play with her.

absolutely love Pollito as a character and i hope these fit with how you view her xx

i love hearing when you guys send me headcannons about fics and universes it’s so cute to hear how other people see/interpret characters i write!

Pollito is the social media teams best friend and worst nightmare. shes always up for a challenge and engages whenever they put a camera on her but you never ever know what’s going to come out of her mouth. alexia and ingrid are the only two who Pollito is ever allowed to do media with because despite how much she goofs off, she respects her captain and ingrid always has pollitos back when the others pick on her so she’d do anything that norwegian wants

pollitos yapping and distractions and refusal to do her school work has meant not only does she get banished away from absolutely everyone when she needs to do it after training - but if there’s an away game or a trip while pollito has assignments to do then alexia makes her a sign she needs to wear around her neck that says “please don’t talk to me i am easily distracted and i have work to do” until she finishes her assignments. but 100% she is so passionate and committed and patient when she’s learning something from football or questioning her experienced team mates and she picks things up fast

pollito held a grudge about being forced to take her nose piercing out for several weeks however that was mainly because alexia ratted her in to her mami who gave her a mouthful and banned it from being done again

pollito gets picked as a reserve for the olympics alongside Vicky and is confused why alexia seems upset about it. until pollito realises she now has several weeks to spend with jenni who is the cool older sister to alexia’s overly strict protective one. pollito was still in the b team and the academy when jenni was at barça but trained a lot with the senior team and playing the same position as jenni, jenni taught her a lot and took her under her wing. and jenni encourages all of pollitos evil tendencies, then uses her as leverage to get what she wants like an extra muffin from someone at breakfast like her own little weapon. jenni also replies to every single story that pollito posts on instagram trying to bait her to leave spain “mexico has better food” “mexico has better weather” “tigres uniforms are cooler” “id be so much more fun to live with than alexia”

[femme4ngel]

If your requests are open could you write Erling Haaland x hairstylist reader

Reader making a video of washing his hair (in the salon) and he tries moving his head so she pulls him by the hair back. Maybe in the background of the video you hear her voice "just a reminder i.do.not do this to my clients I'm kinda dating him and he did annoy me a lot this weekend"

-🍷

i kinda took it to a different direction im sorry 😭hope u still like it tho mwah

~ erling haaland x hairdresser reader

it was media day, everyone running around the place, photographers, makeup artists and the players of course. you yawned as you sat down for a second, you just did half of the teams hair, you felt exhausted. it took you a good two hours, styling everyone, working together with the cameramen, the makeup artists, it was a mess. ( plus jack kept complaining about the amount of gel you used.. in the end you let him drench his hair in it just so he would leave your chair) you yawn in the chair, rubbing your eyes, trying to get some strength into yourself when out of nowhere you feel hands on your shoulders. you know its him without looking around, you can smell his cologne and the way his finger’s slowly massage your back is way too familiar.

“ are you tired baby?”- he asks, leaning close, his chest pressing against your back, his lips dangerously close to your neck. you get goosebumps from his presence, how tall and huge he is, how he stands behind you.

“mhm..”- you stand up from your chair, facing him with a blush and a smile on your face.

“ is it your turn to get your hair done or are you just trying to distract me erling?”

“its my turn promise!” - he looks at you shocked, his brows furrowed, why would you assume he’s there to mess around with you?.. distracting you? oh he never would do such thing..

you hum as a response and push him down into the chair. his hair is beautiful but its getting so weak from him tying it up all the time.. you brush it out, running your fingers through it.

“ erling. i have a crazy idea.”- you look at him in the mirror, with a huge grin.

“ oh oh. and what’s your idea”?- he looks at you in the mirror, his eyes sparkling from the curiosity.

“ will you let me braid your hair? you know like i did on friday, but i would put some hair oil in it now.. and and it will look so good trust me! i think it will go with the new jersey so much more than a bun..! you look so good in that jersey….”

you can see it on his face that you already convinced him, he loves wearing his hair in braids, and he trusts you with it totally. ( plus that comment of him looking good in the new jersey gave him such an ego boost, he wouldn’t let you do anything else with his hair) he nods enthusiastically, staring at you and your eyes, he’s mesmerized.

“mhm okay braids it is” - you say, leaning closer to him, acting like your brushing through his locks, and quickly pressing a kiss on his cheek. he lights up, his face turning bright red. you smile coyly to yourself, you love the effect you have on him. you get back to his hair, brushing it again, then grabbing some hair ties as you get to braiding. you decide on two strands of dutch styled braids and everything is going smoothly and well until erling starts hissing.

“ouch ouch, y/n your hurting mee, you keep pulling on my scalp” - he complains, sulking in the chair.

“ i’m not pulling! just tilt your head back more!”- to these demands ( the himbo he is) he manages to tilt his head forwards, getting completely out of your hands.

“ oh god”- u sigh, taking his head into your hands and directing him towards the angle you need him in.

“ oh damn, i think my hair is actually fine as it is”- you hear as kevin enters the room, his snarky comment making you blush and the camera crew bust out laughing.

your embarrassed, you almost forgot how many people and cameras are around you.

“ i didn’t.. its okay, trust me he’s the only one getting rough treatment, cuz he doesn’t know the difference between forward and backwards!”- your explanation gets erling to spin around in the chair, looking at you with his mouth open.

“ no i know! i was just escaping you and your hair pulling! i swear i know the difference! - he looks around upset, hoping that he convinced the crew of his knowledge of positions.

“mhm okay okay sure.. whatever please lay back now i have to do your hair”- you roll your eyes, softly pushing him back into the chair, ignoring the giggling around the room.

(…)

his hair of course ends up gorgeous, and it holds together so nicely (thanks to your talent) that he wears his hair in the braids at tomorrow’s training.

[starstruckodysseys]

20 questions for 20 writers !!

thank u to @localdisasterisk for tagging me in this! i honestly do not know how many writers i follow so um. ill tag my pibe fic besties @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @angelwiththeblue-box @fatestitcherr @incorrect-play-it-by-ear and the rest of u can fight amongst yourselves

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

48. i don’t know if its more concerning that almost half of them are from the past five months or that almost half are play it by ear. its the same almost half but still

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

143,389. woof

3. what fandoms do you write for?

obviously play it by ear. everyone knows that. also d20 occasionally and project sekai. unfortunately

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

toya and mizuki’s step by step guide to romancing a shinonome — i will be so real with you guys i specifically crafted this one to be popular. and then i fell in love with it along the way. but it did start as a science experiment

let me take you with me (just like this) — WHY. this is my second pjsekai fic and my fourth fic ever posted. it’s not at all reflective of my current style. help

kiss it better — yeah. same issue as the other one. this one’s better though lmao

say you miss me (say you want to kiss me) — honestly? just impressed a honakana fic made it up this high. love my girlies

the moon is crumbling (but that’s okay) — yeah everyone pretend to be surprised the ruikasa fic got this high up. it was a new concept for me, though, so i’m pretty proud of that

5. do you respond to comments?

i used to, but not really anymore unfortunately. to be fair, i will point you all to the fact that most of my recent fics are pibe, and then to the discord where we all scream about them together

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t usually. write sad endings. bc i don’t like them. okay that’s not true i just usually don’t. i guess the moon is crumbling?? if i had to choose?? it’s more bittersweet than anything, but people did say they cried, so…

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99.9% of my fics are getting together fics. it’s just the same ending a million different ways. you tell me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not publicly!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i would simply be too powerful if i could. this is for your safety actually

10. do you write crossovers?

in the sense of characters across universes/media interacting? no. in the sense of “i am going to put my blorbos in every single other setting i slightly enjoy”? absolutely. putting them under a microscope. researching and recording how they react to their surroundings

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i simply do not think there is a demand for my fics in other languages. not in like a depressing way, it’s just that i’m writing for like five people including myself, so. yknow

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but if someone wanted to… 👀

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ve never written for them (yet, at least), but by sheer volume and span of time i have to say souyo persona4. my silly boys. i’ve never scoured the entire tag for a ship multiple times on ao3 like i have for them. i have so many thoughts about them that have never seen the light of day but they exist!!

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares awkwardly at feed your anger like fire… i’ve tried!! but it turns out that sometimes you get stuck on clothing designs and stop writing and then lose passion for the project and then stop updating for three years because you were too ambitious and also you hate your old writing style. not that i would know anything about that

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m really good at dialogue, or at least banter. unfortunately this makes me very judgmental but that’s not important. also i can create a vibe well i’ve been told

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

in general? i SUCK at character description, or at least knowing where and when to place it. i also always worry about characterization and if my characters sound too similar

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i used to read so many fics that centered around using another language (shoutout bmc fandom when i was. in that. a dark period of my life, but alas) and honestly if it’s done well i think it’s cool!! i’m not going to get into the intricacies of bilingualism on account of being an english only speaker but it is rad to me

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wrote for? probably warriors. yes the cats. i had a whole fanfic for my oc. shoutout to… honestly i don’t remember her name but she was a real one! wrote for and posted is another story, by which i mean i don’t remember At All. probably bandori tbh, bc i don’t remember if i posted fanfic on my wattpad

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

either the venn diagram of curses and crushes (which is still my favorite fic title ever) or soaking in the glory. one of them is a 3k word expedition into the play it by ear canon space and the other is a 7k word fever dream i went into a fugue state to write in two days. honorable mention to the like the sweetest cup of chai series which i hold so close to my heart. silliest besties of all time

[ventismacchiato]

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. KAI. NEW CHAPTER GOES CRAZY???? it is PACKED and thank you for the content warning becuase i was TRIGGERED. omg i can go on and on abt this but idk if i can cram it all into one ask 😭 BUT LET ME TRY

- okok, for one, that "oh" thing?? ik what u ARE 🫵🫵🫵 u did in fact eat w that 😋

- number two, the way it was written!! the way i could imagine the scenes in my head?? the way you described stuff was so good, i was tweaking out 😭im seriously super in love with the way u write kai, it's the way u describe that u get me to understand feelings ive never felt personally (or maybe im just an empath idk) and i want u to know, i actually like to use ur writing as a reference to improve my own alongside some other peeps like rick riordan for example, so just know that u inspire my own works a ton and i love ya for that 🫶

- numero tres, while reading through all that my jaw was DROPPED for half the chapter and it hurts now (im expecting the payment for the medical bills sent to me soon /j). i was on the EDGE of my seat, like, my ass cheeks were getting toned af

- four, idk what ur planning on cooking up but ik that if chapter 17 got me a little riled up, the eventual angst chapters will certainly will 🥲🥲 all i have to say for that is have mercy on us pleek 🙏🙏

THINK THATS ALL FROM ME!! now i know i have a lot more too say but i think i've spent too much time awake and the stuff i had planned to type out in my head is now WOOSH, gone. so uhm uhm YEAH, awesome chapter, awesome work again, happy new year, and remember to take care of urself always. can't wait to see what's next! xxx

(also i am gripping childe's hand like WE ARE SO CLOSE GUYS PATIENCE IS KEY 🙏 🙏)

AHH UR SO CHTE THANK U IM GLAD U ENJOYED!!

1) hehe i’m glad u think so

2) omg this is such a great compliment tysm 😭 i’m so glad u like my writing style i’ve definitely tried to improve throughout writing these aus,, and omg rlly? i’m so honored ME AND RICK RIORDAN? that’s crazy ahh i’m glad good luck with ur writing!

3) haha i’ll pay for it i gotchu xx but i’m so flattered hehe twirling my hair

4) AHH JUST U WAIT 🌚

omg thank u for the thoughtful ask!! stop by again if u end up rmbring what u wanted to say!! and thank you, take care as well!

(LMFAO EVERYONE HOLD HANDS!)

[up-in-space-reading]

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 1: Let's Make a Bet

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 2472

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: So I attempted writing a text fic for another fandom i used to write for buuut abandonded it when i left the fandom. But i wanted to give it another go!! I think it helps me be a bit more creative, and I had some content that I hated going unused. I've tried to make everyones nicknames and stuff in group chats obvious so you don't get too confused who is who but I do have a "key" written out in my notes I can include if you need, just comment and lmk!!

Jimmy Jabbers

[9:05am, Monday]

Four Eyes: Jake has fallen asleep in class, bets on how long until he wakes up?

Queen G: The whole class

Mr Grapes: 30 minutes

RoRo: Professor?

Four Eyes: Wunch

RoRo: She’s gonna wake him up in 12 mins

Four Eyes: Will keep you updated

-

[9:17am, Monday]

Four Eyes: Rosa you terrify me

RoRo: I know RoRo: what do I get for winning?

Four Eyes: I’ll make Jake give you $10

Vic Kovac: not happening

RoRo: you say that now RoRo: but you will give me my money

Vic Kovac: is anyone else feeling threatened

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:37pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: hey santiago Ferris: i have a super important question Ferris: how did fountains work way back in time Ferris: or did they not have fountains and fountains r a recent thing Ferris: has media ruined my perception of fountains

Cameron: You do know that google exists?

Ferris: i wanted to ask u first bc ur smart

Cameron: Jake, I’m working on our essay that’s due in two weeks, google it yourself please

Ferris: ur so boring

-

[11:59pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: it was gravity Ferris: gravity made the fountains Ferris: fountains are like SUPER old

Cameron: Yeah that makes sense Cameron: Now please let me go to sleep

Ferris: goodnight!!!!!!!!!

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[8:43pm, Thursday]

Queen G: okay losers gather around Queen G: we are partying this weekend, no arguments Queen G: its happening and EVERYONE will be participating

Vic Kovac: YES G LETS GO Vic Kovac: whats the plan?

Queen G: one of terrys housemates was thinking of having a party and terry said he can persuade him to have one

Mr Grapes: oohh a party! I’ve been wanting to take my new slacks for a test run

RoRo: @vic kovac how bad are the slacks?

Vic Kovac: so awful

Mr Grapes: you guys hate my style! Its not fair :(

Queen G: because Charles the clothes you wear make you look like a background extra of a movie set in an office but not a new york office more like a used car salesman office in ohio

Mr Grapes: message received loud and clear :(

Four Eyes: Count me in for the party!

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[8:47pm, Thursday]

Ferris: YOU are gonna go to the party?

Cameron: You’re acting like I never go to parties

Ferris: just surprised is all

Cameron: You’re weird

-

Dance Squad

[9:02pm, Thursday]

G-Hive: okay we need to start a bet NOW

Charlese: what are we betting about??

G-Hive: it’s the beginning of the school year, the two of them seem different this year G-Hive: i think this might be the year! G-Hive: rosa, u in?

Scary: of course I am, dumb bets are my specialty

Charlese: I’m in!!!

G-Hive: ok, start date is today, place ur bets now and u can change them until the clock strikes midnight tonight G-Hive: after that they are locked in

-

Bi Besties

[9:06pm, Thursday]

Dagger: what r ur feelings towards amy?

El Baboso: she’s my friend El Baboso: why r u asking??

Dagger: dont worry about it

-

Dance Squad

[9:07pm, Thursday]

Scary: three and a half weeks after we get back from winter break

G-Hive: weirdly specific i like it

Charlese: in three months

G-Hive: awful guess but sure G-Hive: im gonna go with a month before the school year ends

Scary: fair enough

G-Hive: okay im writing all the dates down in my notes G-Hive: remember u have until midnight to change G-Hive: how much is everyone putting in the pool?

Charlese: $50 – feeling confident

Scary: you shouldn’t beScary: I can match that

G-Hive: same G-Hive: its gonna be an interesting school year babes

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[4:36pm, Friday]

Queen G: party at terry’s tomorrow is ON! Queen G: he said “BYO booze, I’m not made of money” Queen G: hes my fave

Vic Kovac: as ur childhood best friend i resent that statement

Queen G: i said what i said

Vic Kovac: ill find a new bestie

Queen G: you do that pineapples

Four Eyes: HA pineapples

RoRo: pineapples lol

*Jake Peralta has left the group chat*

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[4:38pm, Friday]

Ferris: amy add me back pls

Cameron: I’ll think about it

Ferris: pllllleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeeee

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[4:39pm, Friday]

*Four Eyes added Jake Peralta to the group chat*

*Four Eyes changed Jake Peralta’s nickname to Pineapples*

Pineapples: im gonna find better friends

-

Queens, Legends, Icons

[3:13pm, Saturday]

Ginaa: babe what r u wearing tonite????

Rosie: what i usually wear

Ginaa: so real of u

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[9:27pm, Saturday]

Pineapples: charles and i on our way!!!!!

Four Eyes: Rosa, Gina, and I will be leaving as soon as Gina is satisfied with her hair

-

[10:46pm, Saturday]

Four Eyes: LOUNG ROM NOOW Four Eyes: JAKE ON TABLE

-

[11:22pm, Saturday]

Queen G: i can’t find rosie Queen G: has anyone seen rosa

RoRo: in the bathroom RoRo: DONT COME FIND ME

-

[12:34am, Sunday]

Pineapples: me and charle takin amyyy home

Four Eyes: one more daaance

RoRo: freaks

Pineapples: NOT LIKE THAT ROSA

-

[10:04am, Sunday]

Four Eyes: I want to die

Mr Grapes: seconded

Pineapples: thirded

RoRo: gina and i are getting brunch in 20

Pineapples: count me in

Four Eyes: Me too

Mr Grapes: me three

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[3:15pm, Sunday]

Ferris: ik ur embarrassed but drunk amy was kinda fun ngl

Cameron: As bad as I feel today I will admit that I did have fun

Ferris: in a few weeks when u forget how bad u felt we shall do it again!

Cameron: Whatever you say haha

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[1:37pm, Wednesday]

Queen G: this class is KILLING me Queen G: someone entertain me pls

Pineapples: ok so if human skin is like pig skin would u be able to make pork crackling but like with human

RoRo: probably if u prepared it properly

Four Eyes: You most probably could. Part of me would want to say that human skin would react to being in an oven differently, but I think if you just used a part of the body most similar to a pork roast it would be fine. Pat dry, oil and salt, all good to cook. The only issue would be knowing how long to cook it for and what temperature so that it does crackle

Pineapples: jesus christ amy…

Queen G: amy i think i just gained a bit of respect for u

RoRo: me too

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[2:55pm, Thursday]

Ferris: im SO bored rn

Cameron: Focusing on the class is usually a good way to cure boredom

Ferris: i tried Ferris: its not happening

Cameron: You’re distracting me

Ferris: come ooonnn we both know u already know the lesson plan

Cameron: That’s not the point

Ferris: stop replying to me then

Cameron: If I don’t reply you’ll just continue to bug me

Ferris: i believe that is what they call a rock and a hard place Ferris: check mate to me Ferris: always get what i want Ferris: do u think holt will get mad if he sees me texting Ferris: probs will Ferris: worth it tbh Ferris: im hungrryyy

Cameron: I’m going to kill you

Ferris: amy pls, get in line behind rosa

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[7:23pm, Saturday]

Four Eyes: Need movie suggestions, please

Pineapples: mamma mia

Queen G: the mummy Queen G: Brendan Frasier is way too fine to pass up

RoRo: Somethings Gotta Give

Mr Grapes: Dirty Dancing

Four Eyes: Hm okay Four Eyes: No documentaries?

Queen G: NO

Pineapples: n o

RoRo: no

Mr Grapes: Blackfish?

Four Eyes: That’s a bummer Charles…

Mr Grapes: YOU WANTED A DOCUMENTARY!!

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[7:30pm, Saturday]

Cameron: I decided on Mamma Mia, thought you’d like to know

Ferris: i knew u were smart

-

Bi Besties

[6:45pm, Tuesday]

El Baboso: do u have the notes from yesterdays lecture?

Dagger: yeah, why?

El Baboso: can i borrow them? El Baboso: i lost mine

Dagger: no, u never returned the last notes i let u “borrow”

El Baboso: :(

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[6:47pm, Tuesday]

Ferris: amy Ferris: ameesss Ferris: ur my bestie right

Cameron: What do you want, Jake?

Ferris: can i borrow ur notes from holts class yesterday Ferris: PLEASE

Cameron: Yes you can

Ferris: THANK U SM AMY I’LL GIVE THEM BACK ASAP

Cameron: Don’t worry about it, I made an extra copy of mine after class when I noticed you hadn’t taken any notes

Ferris: this is why we r friends

Cameron: So you can steal my notes?

Ferris: uuhhhh

-

Sleuth Sisters

[6:50pm, Tuesday]

Rosa: cant believe u gave jake ur notes

Amy: I keep hoping that if he has all the material then he might try and study more

Rosa: optimistic

Amy: I know..

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[9:32pm, Wednesday]

Queen G: a girl in my class just text me that theres a party happening this Friday at her friends place Queen G: which one of u bitches is in

Pineapples: obviously im in!

RoRo: feel like even if i said no i’d be forced to go

Mr Grapes: who’s gonna be there?

Queen G: definitely NOT the professor you have a weird crush on Queen G: just say yes

Mr Grapes: i don’t have a crush on her…

Four Eyes: I can’t do Friday, sorry. Have fun though!

Pineapples: amy pls just forget your study schedule for ONE night

Four Eyes: I’ll think about it, but no promises

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[10:03pm, Friday]

Ferris: i knew u would come

Cameron: Shut up and bring me a drink, if I’m going to miss studying then I at least want to make it worth it

Ferris: 3 drink amy coming right up!

-

[10:42pm, Friday]

Cameron: rosa just gave me SHOTS

Ferris: GET IT GIRL

Cameron: you’re weird lol

-

[11:14pm, Friday]

Cameron: JAKE COME DANCE WITH US

Ferris: COMING

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[01:11am, Saturday]

RoRo: anyone seen amy?

Mr Grapes: ive lost jake too

-

[01:20am, Saturday]

Pineapples: amy threw up in the garden Pineapples: taking her back home in an uber

RoRo: k

-

[11:24am, Saturday]

Four Eyes: Can’t begin to explain how terrible I feel right now..

Pineapples: im not surprised based on how u were when i took u home

RoRo: drink some coffee and you’ll be fine

Four Eyes: Don’t even talk to me about food or drinks unless its water or plain toast

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:27am, Saturday]

Ferris: sorry u feel crap today

Cameron: I knew what I was signing up for when Rosa handed me the tequila shots

Ferris: if its any consolation i just remembered i have an essay due on monday that i havent done yet

Cameron: If you need help let me know

Ferris: dont make promises u will regret santiago

-

DDC

[01:07pm, Saturday]

G: what was with u taking amy home last night???

Jacob: nothing was with it Jacob: shes my friend and i helped her Jacob: id do the same for u or charles or rosa

G: hmm okay G: ill accept that G: for now

Jacob: despite being friends with everyone im friends with ur still at the top of the weird list

G: thank you sm <3

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[08:27pm, Wednesday]

Pineapples: guys im so booorreeddd Pineapples: someone talk to meeee

Queen G: we could play a game?

Pineapples: like what???

Queen G: ive been saving this screenshot for a rainy day Queen G: what movie is this, wrong answers only Queen G: 1 image attachment – screenshot of movie review which says “These two fuck like they’re gremlins in a rainstorm”

Pineapples: Home Alone surely

Four Eyes: Point Break

Mr Grapes: Dumb and Dumber

Queen G: @four eyes point break isn’t a documentary, you know that right?

Four Eyes: I don’t just watch documentaries, Gina

RoRo: Saw

Pineapples: do i wanna know who in saw ur talking about

RoRo: no you don’t

-

[10:07pm, Wednesday]

Pineapples: how long has the concept of whiteness been around

Four Eyes: For the love of God…

Mr Grapes: this feels like a conversation I should stay out of

RoRo: take a guess or google dumbass

Pineapples: b* idk like 12 AD

RoRo: don’t hide it under your little asterisks Peralta, call me a bitch like a man so I can slap you like a woman

Pineapples: if my dead body is found tomorrow use this gc as evidence

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[05:03pm, Friday]

Ferris: dark academia has been done to death

Cameron: Yeah?

Ferris: its time for stripper academia

Cameron: Is this you trying to tell me you want to open up a strip club cross with a library?

Ferris: amy ur a genius!!!

Cameron: Oh god no…

-

Bi Besties

[02:42pm, Tuesday]

El Baboso: would u rather meet a ghost or a vampire??

Dagger: why??

El Baboso: im curious El Baboso: also ur a deeply unreasonable and angry person so i wanna know ur answer

Dagger: that checks out Dagger: now go away

-

DDC

[02:45pm, Tuesday]

Jacob: would u rather meet a ghost or a vampire?

G: vampire obvs

Jacob: good answer

G: i know

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[02:46pm, Tuesday]

Ferris: would u rather meet a ghost or a vampire?

Cameron: I’m not sure, I’ve never thought about it

Ferris: well nows the time

Cameron: Maybe a ghost, they couldn’t really do anything to hurt me unlike a vampire

Ferris: what if the vampire is very sexy

Cameron: That does change things

-

The Night Boys

[02:50pm, Tuesday]

Deathblade: charles Deathblade: would u rather meet a ghost or a vampire??

Sidewinder: ghost

Deathblade: what if the vampire was sexy?

Sidewinder: if I get bitten by a vampire then I can’t eat food ever again, only blood Sidewinder: no vampire is sexy enough to make me give up food

Deathblade: fair enough buddy

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[02:53pm, Tuesday]

Four Eyes: Who else has been asked about ghosts and vampires by Jake today?

RoRo: me

Queen G: me

Mr Grapes: me

Pineapples: you weren’t supposed to talk to each other about it!! Pineapples: you have ruined my important data collection

Four Eyes: What data??

Pineapples: … Pineapples: which of you could be swayed by a vampire

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[11:12pm, Saturday]

Pineapples: just thinking about if the hudson flooded

RoRo: what would you do about it?

Pineapples: get a big straw

Queen G: girl what

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:14pm, Saturday]

Cameron: You alright, Jake?

Ferris: yeah Ferris: why?

Cameron: You’ve just seemed a little all over the place this week

Ferris: ah right Ferris: yeah idk just been a bad brain week i guess

Cameron: Fair enough. If you need anything I’m here :)

Ferris: thanks amy

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: Thanks for reading, i love u <3

[vanderwoodlings]

I really am fucking obsessed with 2.07 tho. Like

S: When it's just the three of us, it's fine, but anytime she gets a new guy, she stepfords out and lets him make all the decisions.

E: I don't think that's what's happening.

S: Remember when we had to move to Chamonix because German Klaus wanted to ski all year round?

E: That wasn't so bad.

S: But what about Paolo—the raw food diet? Family colonics? Or Sameer? I know I enjoyed our—

E: I see what you mean.

See that. That would’ve been enough—Serena didn’t spend her entire childhood in the Upper East Side. That tiny fragment alone is fascinating! But the overall point that Lily repeatedly changes herself for men and that affects her parenting style, meaning that Serena and Eric’s home life was even more unstable than previously thought? That’s something to chew on. But wait—there’s more:

B: Oh, your mother. Remember how she always used to just jet off to Mustique or Ibiza without warning while you and Eric were still in school?

S: Eleanor always knew when we showed up with our overnight bags. Lily had a new boyfriend. We tried alternating between you and the archibalds so you guys never knew how bad it really was.

B: We knew.

Like, this is in-text neglect. This is “Lily was in no way ready or able to be a parent” level stuff. (And then you think about the Scott of it all and you have to wonder if Serena was in any way planned or if Lily just couldn’t do that again. You have to wonder.)

And there’s the idea of Blair and Nate and the first time that they ever really added how much time Eric and Serena had been spending at their houses, and the idea of these tiny kids doing their best to make it okay as much as possible, and Serena is trying really hard to parent Eric and make it seem as okay as possible, but Eric is entirely aware even if he can’t say anything because that would make Serena’s life hard, and so everyone’s lying to everyone else and they’re all trying very hard not to talk about how not okay it is.

Someone write the fic.

Still, we continue:

S: I remember this one time, um, when I was eleven. Eric and I wanted a white christmas. Luckily, mom's husband was a raging cokehead, so he left blow everywhere.

L: Oh my god.

E: It wasn't everywhere—just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.

S: Was that, um, German Klaus with a "k," or was it Danish Claus with a "c"? I can't ever remember which ones she actually married or which she just decided were more important than her children.

Like, wow. And you wonder why your kids have issues.

(And I focus a lot on how Lily is bringing unsafe people into her kids’ lives, but she’s also bringing them into her life. Just makes me wanna grab the gossip girl writers by the lapels and shake them until all the explorations of trauma fall out.)

L: Eric, my darling, you are always honest with me. It isn't true, is it?

E: I know Serena’s timing sucked, but she did pretty much raise me all those years. You just weren't here, you know?

L: I wasn't that bad.

E: Our ringtone for you was "Since U Been Gone.” Vanya the doorman used to sign our permission slips from school.

When I put that last bit into i won’t cross these streets, I got several comments re: ow. Because it is, in fact, painful.

But it’s also canon, and it’s one of the multitude of anecdotes that Eric and Serena give us about the pre-series era in this episode—like, the “Since U Been Gone” thing? That’s a whole dark joke coping mechanism shared between them, which means that Eric and Serena chose it together. Maybe it was as simple as Eric getting his first phone and being excited to give reverting custom ringtones, or maybe one of them straight up had a breakdown and the joke was part of a way to calm down. It’s not just saying Lily wasn’t there, it’s giving us all the little parts of what that meant—in anecdotes, in Serena’s stress response focusing so much on Protect Eric, in Eric talking Serena down at the start of the episode and coolly backing her up when she finally loses it

It’s a fucking gift that just keeps giving

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #04 & #03.

04. BELGIUM Gustaph - "Because of you" 7th place

Decade Ranking: 11/116 [Above Måneskin, below Monika Liu]

HOED BEZIG DADDY!1!!1!1!!

Another wonderful example of 2023 gaslighting doing its work - I decided around April last year that Gustaph could get a top 10 and because of the, um, reception he got online, I gaslit myself into thinking 10th was his absolute ceiling. Maybe, maybe on the cusp of left side?, I thought.

In reality:

Remember when they tried to break him? Well look at him now :-)

I love a good underdog arc and the best arcs are served with casual Surprise (not rly) Top Tens, defeating the underwhelming fanfave beasts along the way. There WERE murmurs by certain fans about how PUZZLING it was Gustaph got a SEVENTH PLACE (often lumping him in with Alika, Vesna and Voyager) over TeyaLena and Blanca and (mild cringe) LaZarra and (megacringe) Iru. WHY IS IT A TOP TEN SONG? Here's a question babe. Why was it not a top six song? This is what finished ahead of Gustaph:

Let's see: A boring default winner, Käärijä, evil nepobaby with the worst song ever, italian himbot with a some song, pulpy tiktok nonsense, miserable ukrainian song about the war. What A Wonderful Top Six, how could anyone like Belgium enough for top ten.

Fortunately as the months ticked by, the sensibles concluded that yes, "Because of you"' slaps and is iconique. Which is ofc, the conclusion I reached before the liveshows😘 Yeah okay that's supercilious of me, but I'm living the moment, let me have it, okay! Seeing the light took less time for me because granted, I am Belgian (and worse, Flemish) so I always have to convince myself our entries work if I like them (lmao tough luck Mustii!!), and when they work, they work, you know. "Because of you" IS Eurovision to its very core:

A CHARISMATIC LEAD WITH A GREAT VOICE AND A MEMORABLE STYLE

AN UPBEAT BOUNCY TUNE CELEBRATING A POSITIVE NURTURING TOPIC

A GREATLY STAGED, VISIONARY ACT (which is mandatory nowadays)

ADD SOME ░P░ U░S░S░ Y░I░ N░B░I░O ░ 

(and the not unimportant accolade of being the new jingle for misja eurovision...x)

It came together better than Imagined. The live was a meteor shower of slays and serves. Daddy slayed, his hubby that made the graphics served, the girls slayed, PussyServeCunt slayed AND the jury rightfully served up three twelves (including the Greek one lmaooo - pwnt Andrew!!) to commemorate this beautiful triumph over prejudice, pettiness and internalised homophobicuntitude. His hecklers can touch grass by faceplanting into it.

This was the best Belgian entry in a long time. Easily the best one since the terminally underrated Blanche (who is still the best winner we've never had) and that is good grief, already six years ago? Seven after the current contest? We were overdue for a good result.

Anyway, this was an erratic write-up, but honestly, I don't feel like I need to explain much anyway. Gustaph rose from an act most people pretended to dislike from an entrant that is universally well-regarded and beloved by both the fandom and critics. If that is not a satisfying growth arc, then I don't know what is. SERVE, HAT KING, SERVE.

in sum, see you in Antwerp for ESC2026 after we win it with a GUSTAPH x MEROL collab...x:

-------------------------------------------------

03. SLOVENIA Joker Out - "Carpe Diem" 20th place

Decade ranking: 7/116 [Above Barbara, below Daði]

:GASP: Only third?! Boris how could you - shush shush bish calm ur teats, my opinion on Joker Out has remained completely unchanged. Maybe that's the point? "Carpe Diem" is still probably my favourite 2023 track. On-curved indie rock with on-trend styling, what is this? Almost too good for the contest, that's what.

MI BOMO CELO NOC PLESALI LUBILI SE IN SE IGRALI KOT DA NAS JURTI VEC NE BO

And well, let's also be very clear here - Joker Out lived up to exactly what I wanted from them. It's one of those entries that does exactly what it says on the tin (see also: Pasha). The older I get, the more I appreciate the Actual Songs in Eurovision for their reliability and "Carpe Diem" was a really good song. Three minutes of unbridled indierock fun, that quickly turns addictive if you're not careful - it does get better than that, but it's a high bar that not many other entries pass. Besides, the live was you know, living up to my expectations and that's worth a lot in 2023, where most acts let me down. It was a joy to watch. Bojan devoured that live -

but it still felt like a group effort, as and the rest of the gang more than pulled their weight. Jan and Kris as the silly foils to Bojan's seductive self -

and Nace and Jure (who can both so get it 👉👈) as the two who would whip up the crowd making "Carpe Diem" well and truly feel like the concert that it was.

THEY WERE FUN

THEY HAD "RIZZ" (i really hate this word btw - or rather i hate how ESC.tv used this word to appear "cool" 🤢)

AND THEY HAD A TRUE EUROVISION LOVE STORY

(it is still wildly amusing to me that my two preshow favourites entered a bromance so electrified by reciprocal, yet unfulfilled sexual tension it felt like watching a Basement Yard Podcast 😍 Bojan x Käärijä 5ever💚)

So yeah, this was just all sorts of excellent, really. Ofc, 20th place is um... really disgusting and outrageous, specifically for an entry that brings me so much joy, but hey that's democracy for you. Results are being decided way ahead of time so the people with godawful taste that lead happy lives feel like they are relevant, or summat.

However, Joker Out didn't lose Eurovision 2023, they won it. Out of everyone, it was their fanbase that grew the most after the contest ended, so much that they're now considered a welcome staple at ESC preparties, alongside the likes of Daði Freyr, Go_A, Senhit and Anna Bergendahl, which is not a bad line-up to be a part of. They'll be back as Slovene reps in a few years, hopefully with a more immediate song and will do significantly better. 😁

Finally, yes, Slovenia went from first to third on my ranking, but eh. I figured out quasi immediately after the finale that my top 3 would be Czechia, Finland and Slovenia, and figured out just as fast that Slovenia were third in that equation. I hope it's been made clear that my feelings on Joker Out just stayed the same, while Vesna and Käärijä were subject to positive morphs, and the novelty of those arcs is worth a splitscreen ending.

WILL IT BE THE GREEN FIN OR THE PINK SISTERS?

it was actually... a very, very close call. 😲

THE RANKING

[nu11lar]

𝓡ULES + 𝓖UIDELINES made by: embla

here are some quick expectations & some boundaries that i would like for u guys to follow! pls read this before diving deeper into my account, unless you're new here!

. . ¹¹¹ 𝓑EFORE YOU FOLLOW . . . you must be aware that his blog will contain nsfw and slight dark content, which means most of my one shots/drabbles/thirsts include explicit porn. i would suggest that blank, ageless, & minors plsplspls do not interact with these sort of things. they're not for the eyes of children. if you don't respect this you would most likely be blocked, one chance only.

. . ²²² 𝓓O NOT INTERACT W/ ME . . . if you're anyone that fits under the dni criteria. any forms of "-ism", fatphobes, islamophobic, homophobes, pedophiles, loli-cons, discord mods, porn bots, rude people, obnoxious people, spam likers, minors under the age of 16, people who support israel, etc.

. . ³³³ 𝓡EQUEST PROCEDURES . . . honestly, i really don't mind people sending me requests because my inbox is dry af. u guys can talk to me whenever you want, tell me what u have to say (idc if it's tmi, i will not judge you). please be patient with me once u send me a request, it will take some time bc i'm a huge procrastinator and i lack motivation most of the time. i will sincerely apologize if i don't finish it in time, i'm a human too, i have real life things to attend to aswell. do not vent to my inbox, if there are any issues or need someone to talk to, i got you, but please dm me privately and we can talk it out there & have our little therapy sessions privately :)

do not send me a request that includes the things that i don't write, i will most likely delete it or porbably ignore it. unnecessary hate + any mentions of discourse will also be deleted or ignored, this is a safe space for everyone and positivity will always stay in here. no negativity allowed in here bc that's just a waste of time for u and me (it's a mood killer </3). u can spam my inbox if you'd like, my notifs are silenced so i will not be bothered by it (but if u spam with hate then that's a diff story). talk to me abt ur hyperfixiations, let's thirst together babes <3.

++ and also, please do not spam like! i do not want tumblr thinking that i'm a bot bc i'm not! i'm just a girl ><

. . ⁴⁴⁴ 𝓞THER INFORMATION 4 YOU . . . english is not my first language, so there will be grammar errors & spelling mistakes. if you notice any of these pls feel free to tell me, but only say it nicely (i'm a very sensitive person).

for now, minors are only allowed to read my sfw pieces. i might make a sfw masterlist which will include very heartwarming stuff for all of you guys, i don't mind if a person who is 16+ interacts with me in the inbox. just please, don't interact with explicit stuff in my blog (it makes me uncomfortable thinking how kids might've read my nsfw pieces). i know, i know, most people in their young ages have watched porn or might've tried watching porn on youtube but really, i don't want kids getting involved in reading these sort of things (like come back when you actually grown up). i'm not your parent.

the reader in this blog does not have any specific ethnicity or any other facial features, but their body types would most likely include a pudge of tummy & thick thighs (but anyone is free to read!). the reader will go to your imagination becase it's you! the only subtle changes that i will make is probably the clothing style and few accessories (ex. piercings, tattoos, glasses, etc.). the reader will most likely be hyperfeminine and dressed up all pretty & pink! if that isn't ur cup of tea then imagine yourself wearing smth else.

. . ⁵⁵⁵ 𝓨ES IN WRITING . . . bdsm but not too heavy, spanking, choking kink, corruption kink, breeding kink, tummy bulging, throat bulging, hate sex, secret affairs, cheating, a little bit of toxic relationships, creampie, breeding, hairpulling, overstimulation, edging, maybe a bit of dom! reader, female char x fem! reader, cervix fucking, sex toy usage, ice play, degradation, friends w/ benefits, pet play (?), double penetration, sweet and passionate sex, masturbating, hybrid! fem reader, voyeurism, exhibitionism, somnophillia, dacryphilia, pubilc sex, japanese rope bondage (shibari), lactation kink, pregnant sex, brat taming, food play, tounge fucking, agoraphilia, more things will be included in the future . . .

. . ⁶⁶⁶ 𝓝O IN WRITING . . . heavy gore, rape, aging up underage characters, any type of water sports, self harm, foot fetish, piss kinks, misogyny, heavy age gap (reader will be 18 and up !), any other nasty shit, incest/stepcest, scat, vomit, romaticising any types of disorders (ex. eating disorders, anorexia, etc.), any mentions of abuse, sexual assault/harassment, grooming, knife/gun play (shit terrifies me), cherry chasing, period sex, more things will be included in the future . . .

[wildshona]

Being a Sex Addict

Ok so a very nice man from New Zealand was asking what it felt like to be a sex addict and other people have really enjoyed taking advantage of it so here is a bit of a Shona style informational.

How do you become a sex addict?

Well there are some differences between men and women and for some it is about poor coping strategies but really it is about power and a need to overcome past trauma caused by sexual or physical abuse or loneliness caused by emotional neglect. well if u have been following my longer blogs rather than just looking at the pictures u must have picked up that i spent years being sexually abused as did my sister although she has not become a sex addict cos our circumstances were different not least she gort emotional support and i got emotional abuse as well as being fucked all the time.

What are the signs?

obsessive sexual thought - u gotta believe it unless i'm doing something that occupies my mind and activity then i will be thinking about sex, chatting and fantasising on tumblr or whatever.

excessive time spent on sexual activity - yeah i tick this box, excessive masturbation you bet and i dont wear knickers around the flat and even when i go out so that i can get at myself, watching lots of porn - not particularly but sometimes, excessive search for sexual encounters - well uve been reading my blog and u know the electrician is just one of many and ive just finished sucking off my husband before writing this to send him on his way to a meeting happy

feeling shame or depression - yeah well i dont talk about that too much but when you spent years being told ur a worthless whore only good as a cum receptacle it gets to ur mental health just a bit.

cheating on partners - fortunately dont need to cos Chris likes me fucking what he tries to do is keep it safe - not a lot of luck there but he does his best

engaging in increasingly risky and inappropriate behaviours - honestly if u go to a club and then go back to a flat with three strange men a s i did a couple of weeks ago that can turn really bad. it dodnt for me that time i just got all my holes occupied til i was dripping fluid from everywhere but i have been raped enough that i should know better but thats an addiction for you.

committing criminal sex offences - i suppose fucking in club toilets and alleyways covers that and lets not forget i met chris cos i offered him a blow job for a tenner

you can't stop regardless of negative consequences - yeah i can't stop and ive cum three times this morning already.

Can you be cured? Apparently recovery takes two to five years as long as you have consistent therapy. i think im on the five year journey and sometimes im not even sure i want to recover cos i fucking love fucking. but i know it is dangerous and i know i could end up dead in a ditch or selling myself so...

so now u know.

What does it feel like - an overpowering need to be a body that is used. even though it sometimes feeds the worse behaviours of the men and women who use as i experience with a lot of men on here

.

[kimtaegis]

i agree with that anon, ive been reading all ur asks bc i agree with some things and this feels like a safe place to accept it ♥lol, and yeah i always think "i dont have to love everything they do" we know even tho they work so good together as bts we know they have different styles and its their time to do whatever they want, personally i feel more connected with the rap line content, not that i didnt love the astrounaut or jimin's album, i was more nervous with taehyung because even if i think his music is so beautiful and i do like it a lot, its not exactly music i would normally listen to, my favorite is rainy days and i still hate the sound of the notifications in it lmao, but whatever... and just like jk, i liked seven a lot but i know a big part of it is that i loved the music video, it was fUN and at first i was like okay okay this song is so radio type, its viral music, and i enjoy it, lyrically i mean there is not so much depth, not that i need it but i know what it is about so i decide that i dont mind and still everytime its on the radio or comes in my playlist i have fun im dancing and singing and im like yeah bro go off!,

..now with 3d :) ... i normally listen to the new songs like once and i go to sleep, this one i had to listen more, i tRIED lol and i dont hate it at all, i do think its different and i WAS expecting something better, as well with the mv, not bc hes naked im gonna be like "oh great vid" LOL, and ive never heard jack before and... okay hi, but honestly the song just doesnt excite me, i love jk's voice i know how talented he is and he shines basically everywhere and im sure i will be singing and dancing whenever its played but thats because its catchy, i knew jk would do this music bc ive noticed what he likes and he says so himself, i know a lot of people throw shade bc hes working with these artists but i like to think he knows what hes doing - and if for some reason hes not satisfied or whatever he'll learn and theres that, hes smart , they all are, we cant know who makes ALL the decisions and if we could.. again, we dont have to love everything, of course were gonna question some of it if were not

also now that im rambling i did see people comparing with justin timberlake and i hate that i totally see it bc i hate him loool, im happy for nsync in general they are veeeeery talented, i just cant stand justin (admitting he is also very talented i loved seeing him as an actor too hes good) , but man ... u_u i see it, i do

anyway, thank you! u are nice, sometimes one can feel weird, it feels awkward wanting to support someone you care about and all but were doing our best and thats okay, we cant force ourselves to pretend something were not we dont have to ♥

im sorry if i dont make sense, there could be errors as im writing this when my bosses are right here lmaooo, ill go

HAVE A GREAT DAY !♥

hehe I’m glad you let it all out (I hope your bosses didn’t notice or mind!)! 🤍 I think you also once again emphasised one of the main points of last night’s whole conversation – that it’s absolutely fine to not like a new project of an artist you generally adore and that you’re very much allowed to express that. it’s not always black and white, you can still enjoy parts of it but not vibe to another, it’s okay. it’s really still a huge problem that many armies will make you think otherwise.

I enjoyed reading all your thoughts (had to giggle at the justin timberlake part 😭), thank you for coming here and talk! I hope you have a great day too, lovely 🤍

[therehavebeenstranger]

Okay! @stankhead just tagged me in their brand new tag game about our top artistic influences. I really really love this and am honestly very grateful to grem for giving me a little opportunity to be reflective about this right now; for context, i am about two weeks out from graduating with an MFA in creative writing (fiction track) from [redacted prominent midwestern university w decently-renowned 40 yr old mfa which has been attacked in recent years by humanities-hating admin, there you go, now everybody who follows the chronicle of higher ed can probably dox my ass] and so it’s nice, at this transition moment, to take a step back and think about the influences that have shaped my writing on a global level. I think it’s super useful and i’m typing this in a word doc so i can hang onto it for later. Okay enough chit chat. I’m gunna try to limit this to no more than like 4 or 5

Carmen Maria Machado—CMM is one of my biggest, most direct, and most obvious influences. She came to my college campus to lead a workshop and give a reading in the months leading up to the publication of her body and other parties. I was a sophomore (or maybe this was late freshman year?????) and encountering her work totally and completely shifted what i write and how i write. Complete reframe on what speculative fiction was and what it could do. HBaOP went on to have a big impact on me (esp. formally weird stories like Especially Heinous) but at the moment i was obsessed with her stories the husband stitch and my body, herself

Peak Cracked Dot Com—but especially everything DOB touched when he was there! I was a regular cracked reader from the age of 11 to the exact day that all those layoffs happened, and by regular i mean that every day i had access to the internet i read/watched/listened every piece of new content they published, whether or not i gave a shit about the subject matter. Cracked’s influence on me is less easy to tangibly track than CMM, but i literally boiled my forming brain in that site and i think the style permeates me work. Cracked had this strand of pedantry that necessitated dwelling with strange research and subject matter and letting things sort of spiral and cook and letting the obsession change the voice. (also, subject matter—this article inspired an obsession w Dorothy Arnold which became a story that will be published later this year.) It had a huge impact on my sense of humor and the way i approach dialogue, even when i’m not conscious of that. For dialogue i am especially thinking of video content like after hours and agents of cracked (the way the “swaim proving that that guy fu-u-u-cks goats” monologue hits in this ep *changed me forever). In general, i think my approach to narrative voice was really impacted by the fact that i spend my adolescence reading DOB’s old “my brief time as (blank)” articles and shit like “yer gramma was built like a brick shit-house in her day”

*if you click that link fair warning that the video is from like 2010 and def has some stuff that makes me uncomfortable in hindsight, including at least one use of the r word

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy—man. This is one of the great novels of all time, isn’t it???? i was assigned it in ib english senior year of high school and i’ve tried to read it at least once a year since. Pieces of the language regularly float back to me—“a viable, dieable age” “a sariflapping” “the time was ten to two” “the history woman in the history house.” Roy does things with language that i didn’t know you could do—makes paragraphs which are so thick and lush that they feel humid and green. Sticks words together to make new and better ones. Talks frankly about the story being told by the story. Like, that’s one of the things that’s so brilliant, right? From go, you know that sophie mol and velutha will die. The question is not what will happen in the story but how the story will be told and how it will mean to us. The language bears that out. It has totally suffused in my brain, it’s a lens through which i read everything. Also i think it’s about time for my annual reread of this book, ha.

What the moon brought by Sadie rose weilerstein—see, this is why i love this tag. I would not have pegged this book as an influence before being tasked w this reflexive task, but it looms large in my mind!!! My copy of this book—a collection of stories about sisters Ruth and Debbie as they go through their jewish year in the american suburbs, living their lives and observing jewish holy days—was ancient, falling apart; it had been purchased for my mother and her siblings in the early 60s. i was obsessed with it. it was the first book i read which treated Judaism as a fact of american life, if that made sense? Or the first book where i was conscious of Judaism as a force shaping story, time, etc. i mean it’s literally about what the moon brought; a recognition of the lunar jewish calendar. A different kind of time keeping. It told me that jewish stories were and are interesting, singular, rich, and worth pursuing. including a picture of the cover bc i love the cover :)

The fourth state of matter by jo ann beard—this essay is amazing, not that i am the first to say so. It’s worth reading, though i’ll warn that its content (it’s about a shooting that happened on a college campus) can obviously be tough to deal with. This has a very direct impact in my mind. My first creative writing prof ever used this essay to teach us about psychic distance, and learning about psychic distance was like—not like getting a new tool in my little writer’s toolkit, but like having the key that unlocked the kit in the first place.

There’s more, of course there’s more, but this is a thousand words so i’ll call it here. again, thank u gremlin for coming up with this tag it’s lovely and so useful. i'll tag @pintobordeaux and @januariat but i really genuinely encourage anybody who sees this post to do this kind of accounting. it's really useful and illuminating :)

[iluxurycruisedthatship]

none of the Chinese characters (feng and wulong and lee) in the TK7 gala have anything on their suits referencing their Chinese roots u know that right? I mean at best wulong has that alcohol filled gourd of his but idk if it’s Chinese and Feng has that food he’s munching on but again idk if it’s Chinese either

also xiaoyu’s dress fits her just fine IF u know her character. (which u don’t by the way) it’s a cute and simple orange dress that’s probably the same size as her TK4 sundress. it fits her personality and overall character perfectly. it’s light it’s cute it’s orange. that’s xiao right there

also most of the other female characters are older women who show much more cleavage (some of them aren’t even that old too) AND who don’t show any references to their roots. Kazumi’s dress doesn’t look like a “traditional” Japanese dress but she stills wears it so idk why ur complaining tbh

and Jin looks fine in that suit too so don’t fix something that isn’t broken

What?? I told you its for Gala! Did you really read what I write? It seems you just see what you wanted to see. I even said she has her style, she knows how to wear cutely. Her core was "youth and innocence". That's what I write.

Besides, everyone who were familiar with Xiao ofc realised it's a reference to her T4 sundress 🤦 Everyone knows that dress, it's even making comeback at T8 DLC. But it's Gala dudee we all hoping for something different. You go all out at Gala 😭 And she undoubtedly can look cute with other type of dress, why should she stuck with one type of dress 🤦🤦. And please don't compare Xiao's dress with old men suit.. Men and women has different section altogether if we're talking about fashion 😭

I mean just look at the other, they tried their best, looking stunning in new dress with different silhouette just like Kazumi you mentioned (that's why Kazumi didn't need to add any cultural ref on her dress, the dress is already stood out without it). Well, if you want to make an exception, you can mentioned miss Anna. Her usual attire is amazing from the get go, so don't fix something that isn't broken, just like what you're said. But IMHO that isn't the case for Xiao. I simply think her dress it too plain for a Gala dinner. I just want to see something different with Xiao, like everyone else in the party.

Also, I mentioned other things other than cultural reference, tho? Did you miss it? I even said it's fine with A-line dress silhouette, but please don't just leave it plain it looks so bland 😭😭 even her T4 sundress has flower patterns on it 😭😭 adding some cultural reference is just one of many ways to make the dress stand out.

So PLEASE please please read carefully without being too emotional. I want the best for her. maybe to you it's fine for her to wear plain dress but to me using a simpler ver of her old dress for an event like Gala dinner is simply a pity. She can look even prettier in a cuter dress. I want her to go all out and impress everyone, moreover Jin. BTW for Jin I merely suggesting if you have any ideas for good suit you can throw it at me, I'm not saying it's wrong or bad. Jeez why are you interpreting things so negative?

ALSO don't make baseless assumption about me not knowing Xiao. If you don't even give any effort to read my post, then don't easily say something about me. And don't hide behind the anonymous ask. Let's have a talk from heart to heart cuz we know we want the best for Xiao.

[velvetstreets]

Can I request that the reader is an actress and she jokingly said she had a crush on Jack in an interview then he slides in her dms bc he saw that she was filming in a location close to one of his shows in the UK and the reader is akdhdlslslsjsk and goes and she goes backstage and then after his show she invites him out to a late dinner or something and he eats more than dinner 🤭🤭🤭

miss Blanca it’s an honor to write for u again my bby 🙇🏽‍♀️🫶

also I forgot they were in the UK for a moment and have Jack driving in this, which we all know that man would probably die driving on the other side of the road - but for this, we pretend! :)

None of the people in my writings portray the actual people I write about! It’s all a work of fiction, I have no idea how they are/act irl.

Warnings: basically fluff!! w a side of smut :), just some good ol’ making out, and oral sex (f!receiving)

—————————————— 

“So who’ve you got your eye on then, hmm?” Amelia questioned you as you sat across from her a chicken shop in London.

“Wha- I don’t have an eye on any-“ you started to laugh, feeling the camera pan in on you.

“Don’t lie, you’ve got to! You’re the breakout star of the year with your new film, and have caught the eyes of everyone, let’s be real!” She said smiling.

“Harry Styles?”

“He’s a sweetheart, but no.”

“C’mon, Drake?”

“No!” You laughed loudly. “He’s my older brother. Nothing going on there.”

“How about Jack Harlow?” She pressed you in a loving fashion.

“Yeah, Jack Harlow.” You tried to keep your composure, playing it off as a joke even though you did think he was cute.

“I’ve got an in with him you know? He took me out on a date once, different chicken shop though. Nothing further though, my eyes are more focused on Idris Elba.” She jokes.

The interview finishes filming after while later after some more banter and questions; and Amelia approaches you after.

“You know I can set you two up if you want? I have his number.” She offered, whipping out her phone and giving you an encouraged look.

“No, no that’s really okay.” You motioned at her, heat slightly running to your cheeks. “I’d rather get at him myself; or him at me. Not anyone in between.” You told her.

“Oh he’ll absolutely slide into your DM’s after seeing that. He won’t be able to resist you.” She laughed, giving you a wink before going to talk to her producers.

Nah, he’ll ignore it. It’s whatever! You thought to yourself, trying to release the nerves of Jack possibly reaching out.

—

The episode aired a few weeks later, and as you were getting ready for bed, you got a certain notification.

jackharlow wants to message you.

“Oh shit.” You said, eyes widening and sitting up in your bed. Immediately you called your best friend.

“Hey boo-boo, what’s up?” She answered the FaceTime snacking on a cookie.

“Yeah, so fuckin’ Jack Harlow just DMed me?”

“Bitch!-” She lept up out of her seat, pushing her face closer to the camera/ “What did he say?!” She yelled excitedly.

“I don’t know! I haven’t opened it yet.” You stared at your DMs, fidgeting with your nails.

“Bitch I swear if you don’t open it right the fuck now-“ she urged you.

“Wait, lemme just wait a few minutes, I don’t want him to see me see his message yet-“ you compromised with her as she rolled her eyes, but let you be. You finally decided to open it and see what he said.

He had sent the instagram post from Chicken Shop Date with a message.

jackharlow: 🙇‍♂️ it’s an honor to be crushed on by thee Y/N. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been crushin’ on you for awhileee now tho.

“Oh god.” You mumbled in shock.

“What? What did he say?” Your best friend pressed you excitedly. You repeated his message out as she let out a squeal.

“AHHH I told you he’s into you too!! I see you girl, shiiiit lemme start with them manifestations you’re always doin’, I’m tryna get me some dick too.” She smirked at you.

You chewed at your lip before deciding on how to respond.

y/ninstagram: Oh really? 🤔 Amelia should’ve mentioned that when she tried to give me your number.

jackharlow: did you take it? 👀

y/ninstagram: nah, I like when people ask me out themselves.

jackharlow: good thing I asked her for your number. Can I call you right now?

You swallowed, hard.

“He wants to call me right now.” You told your friend.

“SHUT UP! Oh my god, okay BYE! Go make babies with that fine ass white man- call me after, love you boo.” She squealed before hanging up.

You looked as his message, and grinned to yourself as you hearted his message.

Soon enough, your phone rang, and your heart was beating out of your throat at this point. You took a small breath and exhaled before answering his FaceTime.

He was laid against some pillows, probably in his hotel room, wearing a blue zip up sweatsuit. His curls framed his face perfectly, and his teeth basically sparkled as he smiled at you.

“Hi Y/N, I’m Jack.” He said.

You rolled your eyes and laughed a little.

“I know. Hi Jack, how are you?” You asked.

“I’m good, better now.” He confidently responded. “And you?” He asked.

“I’m good.. a little tired from work, but good nonetheless. This was also a nice surprise.” You flirted back at him.

He smiled widely, and softly laughed. “Well I’m not gonna hold you up too long, beautiful. I just noticed you’re in London, and was wondering if you would like to come see my show on Friday? We could hang out after and have dinner if you’d like?” He asked in a charming tone.

“Yeah okay, that’d be really nice.” You agreed, biting your lip to hold back your excitement.

“Great. I’ll see you soon then mamas, sleep well.” He said before you said your goodbyes and hung up.

“Oh god.. what’d I just get myself into?” You shook your head, smiling to yourself in disbelief.

—

It was now Friday, and Jack was almost done with his show. You had FaceTimed him all week before today, and as well as the two of you had hit it off; the sexual tension was almost unbearable. He had met you at the entrance and introduced you to everyone before the two of you hung out in the green room for a bit. The two of you bonded and flirted; playful comments and touches thrown here and there before it was time for Jack to perform. Something felt different about him; like the way he made you laugh, like genuinely laugh - not the fake laugh you used in interviews and when meeting upper business executives. Jack was caring and respectful, it was like you could see how soft his heart truly was, with every smile and witty comment with a glint in his eye - it was like you could see his heart glowing. He brought you backstage where you got to hang out with his friend Urban and a few others while Jack performed. You danced and sang along with everyone, and every once in a while, Jack would look over and smile brightly as he saw you having a good time. 

“I can see why he likes you.” Urban said as he stood next to you, cheering his best friend on from the sidelines. 

You turned to face him, a smile still on your face as you watched Jack perform from the corner of your eye. 

“Yeah? Hope it stays that way, ‘cause I kinda like him too.” You admitted to the blonde. 

“Oh no doubt. I haven’t heard him talk this much about a girl before; I can’t get him to shut up.” He laughed. “But I see why, now.” He turned to look at you, smiling. You blushed and lightly bit at your lips, looking over at Jack again. 

“Don’t gas me up too much now Urban, I may end up with an ego like your friend.” You joked, laughing with him as he put a friendly arm around you, continuing to sing and rap along with you as Jack put on an energetic show.

He finally finished with First Class, and the crowd was roaring. He thanked the crowd and made his way to the side of the stage where you stood.

“Sooo... what’d ya think? Not too bad I hope, I know I forgot some of the lyrics, but I think it was salvageable, no?” He said coming up to you; his dazzling smile and the dimples that accompanied it making you swoon.

“You were incredible, they loved you! Pretty sure they didn’t wanna let you go so soon.” You told him, eyes still wide at his work ethic and charisma he brought with him on stage. 

“Mmm, so kinda how I feel about you then?” He smoothly commented, blue eyes never leaving yours. 

“You still got me, we have dinner remember?” You countered, giving him a wink. 

“Of course, I could never forget. It’s all I’ve been thinking about this week.” He flashed another smile. “Let me just shower real quick, and then we can get going, yeah?” He said, and you nodded.

“I’ll be quick, I promise!” He yelled to you as he sprinted to his green room like his life depended on it, making you giggle. 

—

When he was ready, Jack told his team he wanted to take a car alone with you, and he guided you outside with him, holding your hand as the two of you talked about any and everything. He opened the door and helped you into the car before jogging over to the driver’s seat. 

“So I realized I never asked you what you wanted to eat- M’sorry about that, but there’s Italian, Chinese, or maybe you want something authentic since we’re in England-” Jack started to nervously babble as he pulled out of the parking lot before he felt you kiss his cheek. 

“No need to apologize Jack, I think it’s very cute that you wanna plan all of this out. But you must be tired no? D’ya wanna just go back to your hotel and order room service?” 

“I’m not that tired, plus I’m tryna treat this amazing girl with what she deserves; the very best.” He said. “Unless you wanna do that? I’m down for whatever you want, really.” He answered honestly. 

You gently kissed his hand that was intertwined with yours. 

“You’re too sweet. But I’ve always been a low-key, take out at home kinda girl. You can save the fancy dates for later on.” You smiled at him. 

“Room service it is then. Whatever my girl wants.” He grinned at you, changing course to his hotel. 

—

Jack basically ordered the entire menu, just so the two of you would have options, even though you told him it wasn’t necessary, he insisted. 

The two of you ate and talked, sharing laughs and playful touches as some Netflix show played in the background; neither of you paying attention to it anymore. You were now sitting next to him, his arm slung around the back of the couch, yearning to feel his touch, but you could tell he was ever the gentleman, not wanting to push any boundaries, but at this point, you were desperate to feel him. 

You turned you head and looked at him, and he did the same, meeting your eyes. You admired the golden, wispy, wiry tufts of facial hair that sculpted his face perfectly, his soft ringlet curls that made you want to lightly pull on them to see them spring back into place, his blue eyes - which were anything but cold, the slope of his nose, the freckled that adorned his cheeks; and finally, his pink lips that looked so soft and supple, you couldn’t hold back anymore.

You leant in and kissed him, with Jack kissing you back passionately. 

“Fuck, I’ve wanted to that all night, all week really.” He breathed out after you pulled away. 

“Me too, Harlow.” You giggled at him before he pulled you back in for another kiss.

What started out as innocent and mellow, the kiss diverged into a heated make-out session. You turned to straddle Jack as he helped you into his lap, his hands roaming your body, before he started to kiss your neck and down to your chest.

“Fuck, Jack-” you moaned out, his every touch electrifying you. 

“S’it feel good, sweetheart?” He asked, like he wasn’t about to combust with you on his lap. 

“So good.. really good,” you whimpered softly, starting to rut your hips into his, the friction from his jeans hitting against your clothed clit deliciously. 

You tugged at his curls, earning a low groan from him, as you pulled his head up from your neck, devouring him in another heated kiss. Jack moaned into your mouth, his tongue finding yours as you continued to rock against him.

“Bed, Jack- bed, please baby.” You whispered to the curly haired boy. 

“You sure? D-Don’t wanna make you feel like you gotta do anything-” He stuttered. 

“Such a gentleman, Jack Harlow.” You smiled at him before lowering your lips to his, pressing a soft kiss to him. 

“But, I want this, and by the strain I can feel through your pants, I’m pretty sure you want the same thing.” You whispered in his ear, making him shiver and groan. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me Y/N, I swear.” Jack said before picking you up in his arms, making you squeal and giggle as he brought the two of you to his bed. He gently tossed you onto the white sheets, and kissed you, slowly grinding against you as he held your head in his hands intimately. After a few more minutes of soft gasps and groans, and groping eachother, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please Jack, fuck me.” You told him. He stopped momentarily, and let out a sigh of defeat. You froze. Maybe he didn’t want this? Had you misconstrued his signals? Was he not into it anymore?

“Get out of that pretty little head of yours. I want to, believe me I want to - god I can’t even believe I’m saying no to you right now-” He started, eyes boring into yours with a genuine warmth. “But I like you too much, I really don’t wanna fuck this up with you by going too fast, too soon.” He explained. 

Your heart melted at his words, how the hell did this sweetheart of a man fall into your lap?

“Yeah, I get it.” You said. “We have plenty of time to get to that later on.” You agreed, despite your pussy scolding you for denying her what you could only imagine as ‘life changing dick’. 

Jack smiled at you, relived you understood where he was coming from. He kissed you again, savoring the taste of you, the feeling of you on him.

“Buuut...” he started, leaving warm hot kisses along your neck. “That doesn’t mean we can’t have a lil’ fun.” Jack said as his hands began to run down your sides.

“Oh yeah?” You feigned obliviousness. “What’d you have in mind?” You asked. 

“Just wanna make you feel good, s’that okay baby?” He asked, continuing to kiss you. 

“Yes, more than okay.” You breathed out, his touch making your head spin.

“Just tell me to stop and I’ll stop, no questions asked.” He told you, squeezing your hand in reassurance. 

Jack kissed down your neck, kissing between the valley of your clothed breasts, down to where the skin of your tummy peeked out - kissing right above your navel, and all over your pooch. His hands slid up the skirt you were wearing and you momentarily thanked god in your head that you decided against pants today. His fingertips reached the lace of your panties, and he pressed his thumb against your clit through your panties. 

“Fuck- just like that, yeah.” You whined.

“So wet, shit-, this all for me?” He inquired

“Yes-, all for you Jack, just you.” You cried out as he continued to rub you through the thin material.

“Fuck Y/N, you have no idea what you do to me..” he groaned out, as he rutted his hips against the mattress, desperate for a little relief.

His fingers tucked into the waistband of your panties, and he looked at you to see if you had a change of heart. You smiled at him.

“Please Jack, make me feel good.” You bit your lip, pleading for him to make a move.”

“Your wish is my command, princess.”

Jack pulled your panties from your pussy, a string of arousal connecting between the two before it broke as he threw the black thong to the side.

Without warning, Jack dipped his head between your legs and began to eat you out.

“Fuck! Oh my god- yesyesyes-“ you cried out as he demolished your sweet pussy. His nose pressed on your clit with the perfect amount of pressure, rubbing against you as he pulled at your hips to nuzzle his face closer against your cunt.

“God you taste phenomenal, of course you fuckin’ do.” He laughed before taking your hands in his intertwining your fingers as he dove back into your pussy, face first.

Jack alternated between licking and tongue fucking you, and sucking and kissing your clit, driving you crazy at how fucking good he was at this.

You felt your core tighten, your release close. “G-gonna cum Jack, fuck don’t stop-“ you moaned, your hands squeezing his as you rutted your hips against his face. Jack let go of your hands and settled them on your hips with a firm grip. He groaned and the vibration from his throat sent you over the edge.

“Oh, shitshitshit, ah!” You cried out, your hands in his hair now, pulling on his curls as you rode your orgasm out. Jack kept sucking on your clit, overstimulating you until you pushed at his head.

You laid back in the sheets, sweat gleaming on your skin as a few strands of hair stuck to your forehead; and Jack was mesmerized at the sight. He couldn’t picture anything else more beautiful than your blissed out face- eyes screwed shut, lips puffy from your precious make-out sesh, and your skin gleaming so beautifully from the orgasm he just caused you to have.

He crawled up next to you as you recovered from your intense orgasm, kissing your lips a few times before planting a kiss on your forehead and bringing you into his arms.

“Fuck, you’re really good at that.” You finally broke the silence. Jack let out a hearty laugh as he pulled you closer to him.

“Thanks. I’ve been meaning to practice some more though be a little more selfless, ya know?” He joked.

“Well, anytime you’re in the spirit of giving again, don’t be afraid to hit my line.” You laughed into his neck.

“Trust me baby, you’ll be the first and only person I call.” He chuckled, bringing you into another sweet kiss.

——————————————————

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