#the name picker is so fun it's full of such good names i Had to screenshot them all

[nexus-nebulae]

oh my god i just found this adorable little game called Sunshine Valley and it's so charming i fucking love it

[amberdaproto]

All that We hope to Be - Chapter 1

This is nice. She thought, a nice content thought as Mable picked strawberries for her mother Bell. This is what she did. It's what most mousefolk did in Den Hollow. Mable, daughter of Bell, was a berry picker. Well, actually, she was a farm hand for the local foxfolk, but she only picked berries as she wasn't strong enough to use the actual farm tools that her brothers and sisters used. Someone needs to pick them, so it's her, and she's glad she can do it. Her mother did it before her, but she is getting too old to help, and while she’s heard horrors from others about foxfolk who are far crueler, her foxfolk are nice and aren't going to make a meal of her.The boy fox is named Lieutenant Greenthorn of Den Hollow and his sister is Willow Greenthorn of Den Hollow. Though she likes the title Willow Goldleaf of Den Hollow as she handles the financial side of the farm. She’s more reclusive than her brother, but they're both quite social when they want to be.

She runs up the row of berries with a full basket. It takes a couple minutes to reach the store house. She stops at its door, breathing heavily. Her sisters and brothers never made fun of her, but she could tell they don't think highly of her. How can a mousefolk not even do work properly? She steps onto the little staircase and opens the door. They had to rebuild the place after a flood, and she couldn't do much to help. She never liked being here, all she did was suggest to elevate the place but . . . it still feels like she's unwelcome. She swallows her anxiety and heads to the back, a few barrels are located there. 2 are open and accepting more, and she obliges by pouring the contents of her basket into it carefully. She turns to leave the storehouse. She’s almost done, if she can finish it before she cooks for her owners then that’ll be a new record. Maybe then Mabel may be able to accept she’s . . . at least adequate. A few hours later she's in the kitchen of Lieutenant Greenthorn of Den Hollow's place of living. It's a few miles away from where her family lives. It makes sense as they need access to the city, and the mousefolk need access to the farms.

“Mable Daughter of Bell.” A voice calls from behind her, she turns to look at Willow. She bows deeply “Willow Goldleaf of Den Hollow, deepest apologies that you had to make the first statement.” “Such manners.” She says. Willow's red fur is very well kept, elegant and smooth. Unlike Mable’s drabby white fur. She tries but their beauty is so effortless, and she could never match. “Please, while your cooking our food use our first names,” she looks down at mable, with a small smile “S-sorry Miss Willow.” She says. Willow internally sighs, Mable was strange, that constant formality she always had, her voice was soft and fragile, unlike her sisters and brothers, there stronger then she is, but she can't help but admire this one. She does what she says she will, according to their Crow she finished harvesting the berries. They weren't even worried about that until next week.

“It’s alright Mable.” Lieutenant said she could cook tonight as a reward. She’d never say it, but Mabel loves to cook. Willow agrees with her brother, giving the mousefolk the wins they deserve should come with the job of owning them. They can be a pawful, a cute pawful, but a pawful nonetheless. “What are you making Mable?” She asks, sitting at the table. “Y-you said to make soup Miss Willow, so that's what i'm making.” Her tail curls around her. “That's good, may I ask what you’ve put in it?” “B-bones, rosemary, potatoes, carrots, small amounts of lettuce.” She says. No salt? Oh, of course, she doesn't want to use the expensive things. “You may add salt, and coriander.” “Yes miss Willow.” She says, doing as requested. A good amount of salt, and a few coriander seeds. Willow likes having her around, a pseudo apprentice in her mothers maiden craft, she watches the mouse work, it's surprisingly elegant. She's decisive with her movements, unlike her words, the nervous tension slowly leaves her muscles. She doesn't know how to tell them the news, but she’ll keep it to herself tonight. They’ll eat dinner, give mable compensation for staying up to cook and for cooking, and then tomorrows a new day. She’ll tell them then, before they start work, grim news is for the mornings after all.

Mable walked home a bit scared. She never liked it when the ukor left. Its illuminating light far in the sky, gone. Where does it go? Why does it decide to leave so often? Is it taking a break? She continues walking, so many questions go through her head about Ukor. She could ask for a leave, visit the All Moon to commune with ukor but . . . she doesn't want to bother it. It must be busy, right? Ukor doesn't need to use its time to answer a blathering little mouse. She can hope, and she rarely lets herself do so. After about a half an hour later, she reaches their homes. Small and cozy, she remembered when they had to put a new floor in, her and her mother helped plan it. Mostly her mother. She opens the door softly and steps inside. Its not cold like the outdoors, chilly but not cold. It's cozy in a way, the soft snoring she can hear, but she is disappointed at the lack of one sound. Her brother’s snoring was missing. Did he get hurt again? He’s always getting into bramble bushes while he works, or tripping and ripping up his fur. She loves him to death but he is a rowdy fellow. She sighs internally, and goes to her bed. Its clean, and neat. She lays in it, taking off her outdoor clothes, leaving the white cloth she wears under them. She has a restful sleep.

Mable is in water. That's . . . strange. She doesn't like the water. The water shimmered silver with Ukor’s light. He was there. Watching her, in his infinite knowledge, his wisdom. Why was he watching her? Did he want to know more about less interesting people? Or was he simply curious why a mouse was in the . . . where ever here is. She awoke early that day. Not as early as her mother, almost never as early as her mother. She gets out of her bed and dawns her outdoors clothes and leaves their little hut at the edge of the farm. Her mother was on the bench built into the wall. “Hello Mother Bell of Den Hollow.” “Hello mable.” She says, she takes a deep breath. ‘Your brother, Kernel, is . . . he’s very injured. H-he was working and . . . a-and he tripped th-then the pl-plow . . .” She starts crying, mable tears up as well as she hugs her mother. She starts crying shortly after “I-im not sure wh-what he can do anymore.” Mable cant give an answer. Her mother’s voice is soothing, but her words cut her deep. If he can't work, then he might be fired or . . . or worse. 

“M-may I ask where he is?” “H-he’s with May.” She says softly “s-she said he ha-hasn't woken up from the care.” Their neighbors. They work the farm as well. Mable gets up shakily, “i-im going to check on him.” “Be careful.” Her mother says, as Mable turns and heads away. Her steps are slow and unfiltered. Half way between the houses her nerves catch her, she almost falls over. She steels them as much as she can and starts running. A red shape takes up her vision as she runs into it, hitting it and falling back.

Lieutenant looks down at her, Mable. She’s panicked, so she knows. “Hello, Mable daughter of Bell, sorry for running into you. You heard the news right?” “K-kernel . . .” She squeaks out. “Yes, kernel.” He lowers down, “Are you heading there?” “I-i am.” “Please follow me, Mable.” He says, standing up, and slowly walking to May's residence. He looks behind him to check if Mable is there. She is, he knew she would be. He starts picking up the pace, making sure she doesn't fall or trip again. He gets to the house, and sits outside. He’s a bit too big for mousefolk homes. May exits, she auburn brown instead of the white Bells family has 

“Lieutenant, th-thank you for coming.” May says, walking out. Kernel is behind her, using crutches. Mable makes a small noise of despair. “I . . . I don't think there's anything we can do. H-his leg is gone, we are gonna have to amputate it.” She says, Lieutenant can tell she’s barely keeping it together. Mable walks up to kernel, hugging him. He knows what he has to do, and he hates that he has to do it. His father would skin him if he didn’t. Will they ever look at him like they look at him now? They don't fear him, but they will. He knows it. “Kernel, I am sorry to inform you, but my father has requested that . . .” Deep breath ‘He has requested your removal, perpetually.” They know what he means. He knows what he means, and their faces kill him. Not sadness, or outrage. Not even deeper guilt. Just . . . they expected it. They know his father controls the place. They know he has no choice but to make a meal of kernel. He may have to listen to his father, and do what's told of him. But he doesn't have to be his father, he doesn't have to be cruel. “You may . . . you may say goodbye, when your ready Ill be at the shed.” The shed, the middle of the farm. Halfway between the mousefolks homes and the foxfolks. He starts to leave, and turns to them “Im sorry.” The next day, Mable and her family are waiting at the shed. Ukor is out tonight. A sliver. Just barely there. Does he not care? Or does he simply wish to not watch? He knows what has already happened. He knows what is about to happen. He averts his gaze. He cannot stomach his own cruelty. Or . . . or is he winking? Is he telling her that it’ll be alright? She can hope that. She can hope she doesn't meet the fate of being made a meal. No. She hopes she's never eaten. If being made a meal was as hurtful to them as to us, she can see why Ukor lets them do it. Weighed down by guilt, what retribution is worse?

Lieutenant walks up to them, his fur is clean but disturbed. ‘I have come to apologize again.” He’s tense all moon. The guilt is there after all. Then he does something she’s never seen or heard. Not in all her 18 moons. 

He bows. He actually bows.

Mable tears up watching him, the mud get into his fur “Im sorry this has happened. You may get three days to grieve, more if you wish. I will allow you to handle everything that you wish, the location and time of the funeral.”

Funeral? Mousefolk dont get funerals . . . do they? “I hope this hasn't soured our relations, it will be a joyous day when my father leaves this place to us and us alone. Until then, I will do everything in my power to uphold equality. As much as Im allowed to.” He gets up, and turns to leave. She swore she could see tears in his eyes.

She opened her eyes. Ukor looked down at her. So did Kiln. His estranged sister. More tan red then silver white. She wasn't in water but . . . mud. The mud stained her, it was the red mud near the pond. Ukor started to leave, like an eye blinking. And Kiln stayed. To judge her. For what she was uncertain but that's what Kiln did. There was no All Moon for Kiln, there was no communicating with her using words. She spoke through action and action alone. She was the knife Ukor used. She was on her own now though. Without wisdom or thought, what might a knife do without its holder?

[kimnjss]

just hanging out | jjk

⤑  series: cherry pickers

⤑ pairing: gamer(fuckboi)!jungkook x video vixen(virgin)!reader

⤑ genre: fluff!... some angst at the end if you squint.

⤑ rating: pg13

⤑ word count: 3.9K // unedited.

⤑ warnings: lmao second hand embarrassment probably.

⤑ A/N: hey :( love you all who have been enjoying this story nd sending your thoughts in - they really make my day. so thank youu! let me know what you think x 

FEBRUARY 22ND, 2020 | 16:49

Casual. You're constantly reminding yourself the entire time you're getting ready. This was supposed to be casual. This was not a date. So there was no reason for you to go through the process of getting ready for a date. You didn't shave, just took a regular shower with the regular soaps. 

Spent very little time in the mirror when getting dressed, there was no need for frilly shirts or form-fitting pants. Instead, you settled for a pair of ripped jeans and a hoodie that Taehyung had lost a little while back. Minimum makeup, hair up, and out of your face.

Needed to cement it in your mind that this was not a date. Steal away any reason for you to act like it was one. No matter how much you knew you'd enjoy the whole shebang, candlelit dinner, romantic walk admiring the night sky, kiss on the doorstep – you had to ignore that.

Bottle it up and stuff it down because there were many things you didn't know about Jungkook and the bits you did know weren't great. His shitty friends being at the top of the list. So, until you were sure he wasn't like the lot of them... not dates were what you'd settle for. Because at the end of the day, you wanted to see him.

It's a thirty-minute drive from your house to Jungkook's and you spend the entire car ride agonizing on how this 'not date' was going to turn out. And then immediately scolding yourself for freaking out over something that shouldn't matter as much as you were making it out to be.

For all you knew, he probably was just waking up... barely remembering that he had plans with you. Most likely hopping in the shower just minutes before you were said to arrive. Mmh, Jungkook in the shower. Droplets of water rolling over his tone skin, following the dips and ridges until...

It's hard to shake the image of Jungkook showering out of your head once you've got it there. Even with his insistent need to wear baggy clothes, it didn't take a detective to see that the kid was ripped. No doubt spent hours in the gym working on his arms, his abs, his thighs...

Nope. Not going there. No reason to go there when you were on your way to hang out, innocently hang out with a guy that you were just barely friends with. That's all it was. Two people getting to know each other after clicking the first time they talked. God, the way you clicked with Jungkook was unbelievable. 

He made you laugh. And it was weird because you don't remember ever feeling this comfortable around someone this quickly. Jungkook was different. At least you hoped he was. Instantly, you're shushing your thoughts. Refusing to mentally put so much pressure on something that more than likely become nothing.

Getting your hopes up too early was the reason why people got hurt in the first place. So this wasn't a date. And you weren't going to expect him to treat it as such. Just hanging out to get to know each other. That was it.

That was it. Your new mantra as you shove your car into park, heading up the walkway to his front door. Knocking while repeating those four words to yourself. Casual. That was it.

You're not even waiting a full minute before the front door is being pulled open, revealing a fresh-looking Jungkook. Dark hair falling in pretty waves, on either side of his pretty face. He seems to be glowing and you feel it throughout your entire body when he smiles.

A baggy pink sweatshirt swallows his figure, paired with equally loose gray sweatpants. His house is spotless when he lets you in, obvious that he spent the duration of the morning cleaning. The smell of Lysol still lingered in the air. Even the white socks on his feet seemed oddly clean.

You can't help but smile at the effort, allowing yourself to believe that all the trouble was for you.

Once he's setting your shoes in his extremely organized coat closet, he's leading you through the house. Smiling big as he gives you a mini-tour of the first floor and you swear you're paying attention. You're trying your best at least, but it's hard to concentrate on anything that wasn't how cute he looked.

“And this is the arcade,” He's showing off both rows of teeth with his broad gesture into the room located at the end of the hall. Obviously proud of this part of the tour.

As he should be. When the kid said arcade, that's exactly what he meant. Old school game machines lined the walls, ones that you'd actually find in an arcade. Some games that you've never heard of before. All with the high score name: 'Koo'. A dramatic two-person car racing game tucked in the corner.

There's a curved 90 inch TV mounted on the wall, in front of it on a stand is every game console ever made. He has his laptop set up in the room, with two monitors and two gaming chairs in front of it. In the middle of the room is the most comfortable L shaped couch.

All you can say is, “Whoa.” And he's laughing at your reaction.

“It's my favorite room in the house. Well... aside from,” His eyes shift up, obviously gesturing to upstairs where his bedroom is.

The insinuation has a blush darkening your cheeks, but you choose to ignore it, stepping further into the room with a tiny gasp. “You have Skee-ball!?” He's right behind you as you rush across to the room to where the game is set up. A manicured nail pressing against the start button, grinning wide up at him as the balls roll down.

Bright red numbers flash on the screen, the high score followed by his name: 310...Koo. A smirk instantly settling onto your features as you reach for one of the bright-colored balls. “I'm gonna beat that,” Lifting a finger to point at the numbers on the screen.

Jungkook is letting a loud laugh leave his lips, a pretty smile settling on his features as the sound dies down. “That took me two weeks... good luck,” Drawing your hand back, you release the ball on the swing. Watching as it travels upward toward the slots, dropping right into the gutter.

It takes four throws before you're getting it right, the ball traveling up the slope and directly into the 40 point slot. You're letting out a loud whoop, arms lifting in slight victory.

Eyes wide, you're turning your head to face him. “You saw that!?” You're shocked that he's already looking at you. With this soft lovey look that you were the one to hang the stars in the sky. And it makes you wish that this was a date because if it were you'd be able to let yourself enjoy the feeling that comes with the way that he's looking at you.

But it's not a date. So you don't. Shove the fuzzy feeling away with a shake of your head, reaching for another ball from the rack and thrusting it forward. 

FEBRUARY 22ND, 2020 | 18:08

Jungkook is scary good at games. Like scary good. If he wasn't matching your score, he was doubling it. Didn't even graze his high score in Skee-ball and every game after that was his domain. And he was having fun beating you, the smile growing on his face each time you were crossing your arms with a pout – claiming the game had to be rigged.

Foosball to Car Racing to Dance Dance Revolution (he had way more rhythm than you'd expect). You've settled down quite a bit since you first showed up at his house, finding it easy to relax around him. He was cute when he got competitive, not like you were much of a competition in these games... but it was nice to see him like this.

The scrunch of his nose as he focused on the screen. The cute dimples that popped out whenever he won. And how he mindlessly sat close to you, engulfing you in his sweet scent. There was just something about being with Jungkook that made you feel at ease, could someone who made you that comfortable really be as bad as his trash friends?

His shoulder brushes against yours as he settles further into the comfort of his couch, his thumbs moving over the controller quickly. Implementing combo after to defeat your character. In the fourth round of Mortal Kombat and you've only one once.

“Hey! You said you'd let me win,” He's laughing, not even letting your character get up before the large K.O. letters appear on the screen and his person is giving their little victory remark. A dramatic huff leaves your lips, the controller being tossed to the side to cross your arms over your chest.

All he wants to do is lean in and kiss that pout off your lips. Has wanted to kiss you since he beat you in table tennis. You're so pretty and he can't hold back from moving closer to you, guiding your movements just so he can have an excuse to touch you. And he doesn't miss the way you blush. The cute giggles that you let out when he flirts with you. Making him want to flirt with you more just so he can hear the sound.

“I tried,” He speaks through a laugh, taking in the skeptical look on your face. “I did! You're just so bad,” His eyes watch your fingers move around the controller, switching the screen to the character choice.

Gasping when his words sink in, landing dainty punches onto his shoulder. “You're mean! Rematch. I'm not bad,” Jungkook's pressing start on the game as soon as you both have picked your characters, leaning back against the couch as he instantly starts trying out combos on you.

Your whines and protests are cute. It's all he can focus on when he's supposed to be paying attention to the game. And the shout of triumph you let out when you're managing to knock his character down squeezes at his heart, he can't help but turn to look at the smile on your face.

“Look at you losing!” He's sure his health bar is at the end by now, but he can't tear his eyes away from you. In awe, because how could someone actually look like that? So effortlessly... beautiful? 

The tip of your tongue poked out the corner of your lips, brows furrowed as you work hard to take him down. So wrapped in the game, you don't even realize that he had stopped playing. It's his luck too, no telling how embarrassed he'd be if he was caught staring. Yet, he can't bring himself to look away.

Not until you're jumping up excited, clapping for yourself and your win. “Did you see that?” Your body is whipping around, forcing a surprised look on his face. Worried that you might've caught the way he had been looking at you. “I just fucking destroyed you! You can't even say that was beginners luck, either.”

You're lifting your hand for a high five, which he's happily giving to you. His smile matching yours as you flop down on the couch beside him, thighs grazing over each other and he feels it in his chest. “Do you want a chance to redeem yourself?”

Not even a minute is spared for him to answer because you're already starting up a new round. He's got his game face on now, shaking himself out of the daze. “Can you believe I just kicked your butt?” There's this taunting look on your face and all he wants to do is lean over and kiss you.

He takes for teasing you instead. Noticing your ridge posture that he had commented on in your picture. “I don't know how,” A large hand reaches over to touch your back, your body automatically leaning into his touch. “Your form is all off, it had to be luck.” Just a bit of pressure is applying to your back and you're slouching forward.

With a laugh, you're rolling your eyes – reaching a hand back to swat his away. “Watch me beat you like this too. I'll even let you pick my character,” You've been using the same girl since you started playing while he's surfed through the entire catalog. He's taking you up on the offer, picking one of the bulkier characters that don't do all the jump moves you seem to love so much.

And you still beat him.

This time distracted by the frustrated rants from you whenever your guy doesn't do what you tell him to. Time runs out and he ends up having less on his health bar and you're taking that as a proper win, lifting your hand for another high five.

Jungkook congratulates you quietly, more so trying to figure out just what was going on inside his chest. He's had girls over before. In much more intimate settings than this... but never has he felt like his heart was about to burst through his chest. This unbearable feeling to be close to you and it's quickly becoming all he can think about.

You're just so pretty. And you look oddly sexy in your sweats. But it's not just that. There's something else that he can't really place that's pulling him to you. Making it hard for him to stop thinking about stupid things like holding your hand or kissing your cheek. Imagining if days like today were the norm and after he'd grow tired of playing games, you'd let him stretch out his head in your lap – playing with his hair.

And it has to be crazy because this was only the first time the two of you were alone. The late-night texts being all he had to back up knowing you, but at the same time, he felt like he knew you. Like he's known you well. He can't describe it either, but he's almost positive that you feel the same.

“Are you hungry? Should we order a pizza?” You've already whipped your phone out, reluctantly putting a bit of space between the two of you as you scroll through your phone. Jungkook is quick to agree, fingers moving over the buttons on the controller to switch the TV.

No idea why he all of a sudden feels so nervous. “Sure,” He's managing to mumble out, but you're not listening. Already putting together a pizza for both of you. “Do you, uhm... do you wanna watch a movie? Something on Netflix?” Your thumb is stilling on the screen at the mention of Netflix.

Yoongi's playful warning ringing loudly in your mind. 'Playing video games was just Netflix and Chill with more steps,'. But there was the chance that he was actually tired of playing games and wanted to watch a movie with you. It didn't have to be that serious, you had been going at it for hours.

“Yeah, go ahead. Pick something.” His body slouches back on the cushions, scanning through the movies halfheartedly before choosing a random one with a really long title. After tapping his fingers against the screen, the neon orange lights in the room are dimming. A comfortable warmth settling around you.

Jungkook watches as you take your time putting the order together. The beginning credits playing on the screen and he's not even paying attention, too busy with his eyes glued to you. “I got meat lovers, you like that, right?” Setting your phone aside, you allow yourself to sink into the comfort of the cushions. 

“Mmh, my favorite.” Not a lie. It really was. And the fact that you had chose it without knowing just added to everything about you that made him want to kiss you. A small smile spreads across your lips as you nod, turning your attention to the screen in front of you.

The two of you sit side by side, watching the characters on the screen, but you're not listening. It's hard to hear over the pounding in your chest. The nervous bounce of his leg as if he was waiting for something. And you have no idea what because the pizza is no where near being on its way.

A pretty girl is in an argument with her male lead, something about debt and you're trying your hardest to follow the storyline. Although, you have no idea what this movie is and why he picked it. 

It's the thick yawn from beside you that catches your attention, Jungkook's arms lifting over his head in a stretch. You don't think much of it, other than the fact that he's being a little dramatic with his stretch. Until the arm closest to you is dropping down, not at his side like it had been before but around your shoulders – gently tugging your body into his side.

“Did you just do the yawn move on me?” You can't help but laugh. Even through the darkness, you can see the pink tint on his cheeks. “Shh, this is my favorite part.” You're actually positive that he's never seen this movie before, but don't put up a fight. Instead, you let yourself lean into his chest.

He's warm. And smells like flowers. His eyes don't move from the screen as he's reaching down, soft hands reaching for the outside of your knee. Slowly, he's lifting your legs onto his lap, only glancing in your direction briefly to gauge your reaction. Leaning back when there's no sign of you wanting to move.

“Your feet are so small,” Toes curling at the random attention, you're leaning over to reach for his face attempting to pull his focus. “Don't make fun of them! What the heck?” He's laughing loudly at you, allowing you to move his head. Shifting his focus from your feet to his face.

Your fingers are cold against his warm skin, but he can't keep himself from leaning into your touch. “They're cute.” Big eyes scan over your face, smiling softly when they're landing on yours. “You're cute.”

Almost instantly, the atmosphere in the room seems to shift. And you're not sure how he did it, but the way he was looking at you, the soft whisper in his voice... you can't but melt in his strong arms. Basically sat in his lap and it's nice. Jungkook takes his time with inching forward, entering your space which has your hand falling from his face.

He's quick to replace your hand with his one your cheek, tilting your head up toward his. You're sure he's going to kiss you. It's obvious with the slight pucker of his lips, the droop of his eyes, he's tapping a rhythmic beat against your knee ten times faster than the rush of your heart. He was going to kiss you.

Jungkook was going to kiss you and it felt like you couldn't breathe. Nerves on a ten because this wasn't even supposed to be a date. And now you were in this situation and you weren't the least bit unhappy about it. You wanted him to kiss you and it's a new feeling that you don't fully understand. It freaks you out.

Just inches from your lips and your face is twisting up, head jerking back before he can reach you. “What are you doing?” Instantly hating yourself for the embarrassed look on his features that slowly morphs into a puppy dog pout.

“I was going to kiss you...” Jungkook mumbles out sheepishly, dropping his arm from your body to push his hair back. Making an effort to put some space between the two of you, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong.

Because in his mind he had done everything right. Had been making you laugh all night, set some type of mood, told you that you were cute. And you seemed to be enjoying yourself... so what was he missing?

“Why would you do that? This isn't a date, Jungkook.” The mantra that you thought you had worked into your head seemed to be slipping. Not sure when you had forgotten what this was supposed to be, but now it was all rushing back to you.

The reasons you had rejected going on an actual date with him in the first place. And the realization of how stupid you were to think that this was a proper substitute for it. No matter what you decided to call it, it didn't erase the fact that this... tonight, with him... felt like a date.

And it wasn't supposed to.

“Do you kiss all the people you just hang out with?” It's wrong to put the blame on him and only him, but you can't help it. You're a mess in your head for a plethora of reasons, because it had been obvious. How he was looking at you, his arm around you, your legs in his lap... everything that you decided to ignore.

But in the same breath, he told you this wasn't a date... so why bother with all sweet shit. Turning movies on for one reason. Maybe you were reading too deep into all of this? Maybe you were overreacting. Jungkook didn't act like his friends when he was with you, maybe he was really different.

“Oh, come on, Yn... are you being serious?” He doesn't look all too embarrassed anymore, just a little bit sad from the rejection. It's fine, though. He'll live. “Dead serious, Jungkook. You got me here saying this wasn't a date. You need to stick to that,” You felt strongly on that part.

You had told him you didn't want to go on a date with him and even though this 'not date' was literally the same thing, he shouldn't act as if you had said yes to a date. Right? He should keep his word, that way things wouldn't get messy. Like right now.

Jungkook seems to put it together in his head, nodding his head in agreement – yet, the pout doesn't leave his lips. “Alright, alright. Fine. My bad,” He's tugging at the rolls of fabric on his sweats, avoiding eye contact with you. Dark hair covering his eyes, all you can really see is the pink of his lower lip.

And you feel bad, even though you know you shouldn't. It's not like you would've hated kissing him. It was just too nerve-racking to think of doing right now. You didn't quite understand it yourself, so there was no way you could go and explain it to him.

Instead, you're extending a finger. Poking the tip of your nail into his knee. “Don't pout. Come on, you'll miss the best part.” Referring to the movie that you're both watching for the first time, but it has a smile pushing onto his lips. His head lifting and gaze shifting onto the TV screen.

“Sorry,” He mumbles out after a moment, but you're not sure if he's apologizing for the almost-kiss or something else. Either way, you're flashing a genuine smile in his direction, lifting a hand to playfully shove at his shoulder. “Don't worry about it. It's fine,”

It really was.

— known for your body and surrounded by rumors about your sex life… rumors that he doesn’t think to doubt. until he’s meeting you… forced to realize there’s much more to you then the thonged shorts and lacy costumes.

⤪ masterlist ⤨

⇝ taglist: @randomkoalablog @smoljams @jaiuneamesolitaiire @hehehehahahohohuhu @houseofarmanto @preciouschimine @chocobetterknot @kookiesjoonies @ashleyjoyx @thia-aep @jinhitwhore @silentlyimpractical @acc3ssdenied @triviasjms @joonies-babyy @bangtansonyeondayyyum @bangtan-noona @mipetronella @lilacdreams-00 @strawberryforever25 @tae165 @jikooksgirl19 @dee-ehn @butterflylion @alterlovess @joontopia @my-odd-mix @yeontanie21 @sw33tnight​ @kookiesdoe @daydreambrliever​ @elliemeetsevil​ @hellotherehoneybee​ @bangtansbun​ @taefect94​ @tricethecharm​ @pjmcth​ @0xmysticx0​ @samros95​ @codeinebelle​ @vmin-soulmate​ @bluewhale52​ @thecityrain​ @rageyoudamnednerd​ @kookoo-kachoo​ @diminieshoe​ @kelitt​ @soulstaes​ @ayyyocee​ @betysotelo18​

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⇝ taglist: @heyitsbreeeeee​ @munkey888​ @bbyjoonies​ @prdshobi​ @myworldisgone11​ @kthvol6​ @soloikeadates​ @illwritetomorrow​  @jiminbabyluv​ @parkjammys​ @mypurplelamp​ @namjinsbbyj​ @hansolsrightnut​ @vanillabrightlightning​ @huhuehuey​ @jiminshibaby​ @rjsmochii​ @certifiedcrazycatlady​ @jayyayyy17​ @my-current-mood-is​ @bangpink123​ @btsbed​ @definitely-not-tina​ @jeonsbae01​ @metaethically​ @kb-bangtanenthusiast​ @ardenlovesyou​ @simplymemyself​ @jin-from-the-block​ @janieooo​ @xxstrangegirlxxx​ @pastelbleuet​ @pxjiminsi​ @ruinsofangels​ @ladyarmanto​ @bloopkook​ @hopiebabie​ @bigimpression​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @hisunshiine​ @uxwi​ @yayo-kittty​ @taejinminsu​ @miss-jupiter​ @btsbangtanbois​ @sugalou​ @pjminmin​ @lukeofmine​ @94ser0da​ @kim-jias-den​

⇝ taglist: @imezz @itookallthejamsbruh @kimsouthjoon @ephyra1230​ @telepathylftv @awhnamjoon @jkismyasmr @eyereen @gldnrecs​ @jiminddaeng​ @morndas​

⇝ taglist: @squirrelandcrafts @sweetnight @kooafraid @trynavibewhileicry @eatjeanjin @nightapple4jk @localjisung @aureumjeon @kooknova @ardoren @diamonddia-mond @dammit-jjk @jwlmnbt @jiminsreads @poisoneveyyy @girlontheblock @bunny-on-crack @sweetestdreamssuga @tommasauras @cecedrake2217 @bangtan-ology @hobiismyhopeu @subtlepjiminie @bangtangrl @kooks3uphoria @vampgguk @alpaca1612 @gukkiecuddles @hazefilter @nochujjk97 @smol1 @mama-m0chi @blue1928 @babelleerr @awhnamjoon @rlynotme @jaywalksalloverme @bansheehunteremissary @kai1697jeon @giadalin @ladyartemesia @xxunmeixsenpaixx @ot7always-main @msunnsstuff @tew-atx @lierr007 @bishuthot @jaebeomsblackgf @taexmichi @lovingele @patpus @anothershorthuman @izzyexe @clouds-of-my-breathe @okaysoplshelpme​ @chogiyeol-utopia​​ @iforgotthemelody​​ @kookiepout​​ @sunshine-ybba​​ @lovelyseomin​​ @super-btstrash-posts​ @calikoocat​  @richkookie​ @yoong-i​ 

A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

[musings-of-a-rose]

Christmas Writing Challenge 2021

Pairing: Pero Tovar x f!reader (Pero uses the term hermosa at the end which is the reason it’s female. Otherwise, no gender is described.)

Word Count: 883

Warnings: food, Pero breaking his grumpiness

Prompt: Hot Chocolate// “You Make It Feel Like Christmas”

Notes: This is the first time I’ve ever written for Pero, despite having a wip sitting on my list. I love this grumpy man!

I’ve never done a writing challenge before, being so new to writing in general, so I thought this would be fun! Thanks to @marvelousmermaid for sharing the list with me and @toomanystoriessolittletime for creating the list!

I used a random name picker with character names I put in, otherwise I know I would write every single one for Frankie.

My personal challenge for this is to write for people other than Frankie AND to keep it short!

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

Steph's Christmas Writing Challenge 2021 Masterlist

Working at the local tavern wasn’t glamorous but it wasn’t always bad. You got to meet many interesting people as they stopped in for a meal and a stay on their way to wherever they were going. You’ve heard so many stories, some fantastical and others mundane. You hate to admit it, but you loved working here. Most days.

The days had grown cold and a fresh blanket of snow coated the ground outside. Visitors tended to be more scarce at this time of year, preferring to stay put wherever they were for the winter, not wanting to risk traveling into a blizzard. You busied yourself with cleaning and served some stew to the handful of people that did come in.

The door opens and you feel a draft of cold air and see a man walk in, clad in dark armor. A scar runs over his left eye and he walks with confidence and hidden exhaustion. He sits down at a bench near the hearth and you walk over to him.

“Good evening, sir - “

“Stew and ale. I am no knight. No need to call me sir.” His voice held an accent, Spanish perhaps? It had been a long time since you’d heard it. It was a husky voice, but also carried the same exhaustion as his body. Like he’d seen things.

You nodded at him and went to grab him a bowl of stew and some ale. You stole glances at his face as you ladeled the stew, thinking of how handsome he was. You shook your head, warning yourself not to get attached.

You head back over to him and place the stew and ale down in front of him, along with a roll and a bit of butter. The man looks at the bread and butter and turns his hard eyes to you.

“I did no ask for this.” He gestures towards the bread.

You muster up your courage and meet his gaze. “I know. But you looked...hungry.”

The man stares at you for a moment. “I can no pay you for the bread and butter.”

“It’s on me.” You give him a wink before you return to cleaning, feeling his eyes on you. The rest of the patrons leave as they finish their meal, bundling themselves up before heading out the door. You head behind the bar and start washing out the mugs, stealing more glances at the hungry Spaniard as often as you dare. You notice he’s running low on ale so you head over with another mug and set it on the table in front of him, saying “Thought you could use another.”

The man looks at the mug and turns his dark eyes to you. You notice his glare has softened a bit since the last time he looked at you.

“I can no pay for this either. Or is this on you too?”

You feel heat rising to your cheeks as you nod. “If you want to pay for it, pay in stories.”

“What?”

“I’m sure you have many stories to tell. Share one.”

The man stares at you, scanning your face for something, chewing on a bit of the bread you had brought. He nods and gestures for you to sit across from him and launches into a story about some fantastical dogs with many teeth and a wall full of warriors, even women, who stopped them using magical black sand that explodes when lit with fire. You’re not sure if he’s playing with you, but his face looked...honest.

“...and so now I am here, eating and telling you this story.”

You smile at him warmly. “Wow. That’s quite the tale!”

“It is true. I know it is fantastical, but all true.”

“Well then, you deserve a special treat for saving the world.”

The man watches you get up and head over behind the bar. You busy yourself with a cauldron that had been sitting over a small fire. You pour the contents into a mug and set it back over the flame. Heading back over, you place the mug in front of the Spainard.

“Oh!” you jump a little and run back behind the bar, grabbing a stick of cinnamon and heading back over. “In case you want this. Not everyone adds this but some do.”

The man slowly takes the stick from you while looking in the mug quizzically.

“What is this?” He takes a sniff and looks intrigued.

“Hot chocolate.”

His eyes light up and his entire face shifts to wonder. “Hot chocolate? Are you sure?”

“Yes of course,” you laugh. “I made it myself.”

He sniffs it again before taking a tentative sip. He lets the hot chocolate swirl around in his mouth before he swallows it.

“I’m sure you’ve had better in your trav-”

“I have never had hot chocolate before.”

“What? Never?” You are genuinely shocked.

“No money growing up and no time when I grew up.”

You smile and place your hand on his arm. “Well you can have as much as you like. So long as you keep telling me your stories.”

The Spaniard looks down at your hand on his arm and places his over it, turning his face up to meet your eyes.

“Hermosa, I have many stories.”

“I’m all yours.”

-------

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @astoryisaloveaffair @softpedropascal

@marvelousmermaid @icanbeyourjedi @livingmydreams13

@theewokingdead @f0rever15elf @mesmorales

@sarahmilesbendrix @swol-bear @mrsudontknowme

@lovesbiggerthanpride @gallowsjoker @booksarekindaneat

@charlispersonallyhell @sunnshineeexoxo @sara-alonso

[whittakerjodie]

The Mask (13th Doctor X Reader X 8th Doctor)

Requested: by me because I’m in love with these dorks 

Summary: It’s your turn to choose the adventure and, without another idea, you choose a masquerade ball. When you find yourself separated from the Doctor, you run into a mysterious and charismatic man who goes by the same name as your traveling partner...

A/N: I am so so sorry that I haven’t written in forever! I am in my first semester at college doing 16 credit hours and for great chunk of the semester I’ve also been working full time. I’m not, now, so I have a little bit more time, but I’m trying to finish this semester out strong. I hope that you enjoy this fic!

Words: 2.5k 

Warnings: None that I can think of, it’s a ‘jealousy’ type fic if that is something you want to avoid! 

“Good?” You whispered. The Doctor nodded, letting her hands fall from the sides of your face. The mask, which you had picked out from the TARDIS’ infinite dressing room, now rested neatly against your face, adding a bit of flair to the rest of your elaborate outfit. It was your turn to pick out where and when you went in the space-time machine. Having run out of ideas, your mind flashed back to the most recent movie you’d seen and in the end you proposed attending a masquerade ball. Purely for the aesthetics, you told yourself, although there was certainly some unconscious desires at play-

“How’s mine?” Your favorite time lord asked, having finished slipping on her mask. You gasped; clearly she’d had it for a long time. This was made evident by the gold intricately placed in complex circles against a black frame, the texture of which was dulled and beginning to fray from use and age. It fit nicely with her old fashioned suit, which was fashioned out of the same dark material, fitting her body awkwardly. Clearly she’d borrowed it from a past self. Her eyes, visible under the mask, seemed to have aged centuries from the second the mask had come into contact with her face to match it.

“It looks great” You said, certifying the outfits status. The Doctor grinned and held out a hand for you. You accepted it, enjoying the way her fingers curled around yours, transferring her warmth through your body. Her excitement, too, must’ve passed through your skin-level bond, because you could feel your heart racing as she led you out the doors towards the ball.

Within an instant, you were transported from the TARDIS’ interior dimension into a world filled with glitter and gold. It came in second place compared to the air of the room itself, which was occupied by the vibrations of the most glorious music you’d ever heard. People were everywhere, occupying every inch of the dance floor and beyond, blurring into a sea of movement. The Doctor squeezed your hand, and you threw yourself into the waves.

After about a half hour, you were about done with the dancing mess. At least for a time. Your clothes were beginning to stick to your body, your body's natural cooling function turning into a frustrating adhesive. Not to mention your feet were starting to ache, begging you to take it easy for a time. The Doctor, being an immortal ball of energy, was still enthusiastically throwing herself around the dance floor, forgoing any rhythm that she might’ve been recommended to meet. You flashed her a smile before turning to the snack table, fancying a drink. Reaching for the punch bowl, your movements were interrupted by the startling cough that started next to you.

You took a step back, concerned building for the man who was leaned against the wall, doubled over.

“Are you alright?” you asked, trying to remember everything you knew about preventing choking. Just as your hands moved towards the man, however, he straightened up with ease, all tension gone from his face. The only sign that anything was amiss were his eyebrows, which started to furrow.

“There was alcohol in my drink.” He said, as if offended. You chuckled. “Laying off, Hm?” Still, you avoided the punch bowl that he was glancing warily at and stepped in front of the next one.

“Don’t drink from that one either,” He recommended.

“... Why not?” You asked, confused and slightly irritated. “Not enough sugar. No fun.” You laughed. “Not enough sugar? What kind of a picker eater- drinker, I should say, are you?”

“I’m not picky,” The man whined. His eyes drifted from yours to the accessory surrounding them. “Where did you get that mask?”

From the softness of his words you instinctively raised your hand, fingertips brushing against the piece. “A… friend got it for me. Do you like it?”

“It looks familiar” He said, with a curious gaze.

“Does that mean you like it?” You whispered again. With his face so close, inspecting your mask, you needn’t speak too loudly. Face heating up, you cleared your throat. “Where’s yours?”

“My what?”

“Your mask. It is a masquerade ball” He paused and blinked, as if just remembering where he was. Then his face lit up, his body jumping quickly as his hands flew to his pockets. The mask he produced from them seemed to be of a standard shape and size; it was the design that caught you off guard. Golden circles covered the black frame, which was neither dulled or frayed but a healthy, vibrant shade. It was the same mask that the Doctor wore in the next room.

“Do you like it?” He asked coyly. Before he could cover up his features with the mask, you put a hand on his wrist, eyes scanning over his face. There wasn’t a lot of similarity, but you knew that regeneration was a lottery. Having met up with the Doctor’s 10th incarnation far too many times to count, you were well acquainted with the Doctor and their species’ habit for changing their face. He glanced over to your hand on his wrist and swiftly removed your iron grip. In an even quicker moment, he pulled your mask from where it rested and replaced it with his own.

Before you could process the change, your stolen mask was on his face.

“There! Since you liked mine so much. Now it’s yours.”

You tried to speak, but could only manage a sputter for several seconds until the shock released its hand from your vocal cords and you gasped: “Doctor?”

That threw him off guard. He slipped the mask upwards so it rested against his  curls, eyes narrowing. “How do you know that name?” He murmured.

“So you are the Doctor.” You said incredulously. “I’ve no idea which one but-”

“How do you know that I’m the Doctor?” He replied, tone turning sour with seriousness. Then he backed off a little. “Have we met before? You must understand, I have a habit of, well, forgetting myself. And everything else.”

“I travel with you!” You clarified, starting to get excited at the prospect of meeting a new (or, to put it chronologically, old, depending on where he was in the Doctor's life) incarnation of the Doctor. Realizing that your words might’ve been a mistake, you covered your mouth with a small squeak. From behind your hand, you worriedly asked: “Was I not supposed to tell you that?”

The new Doctor laughed. “I’m sure it’s no trouble. Luckily for you, I also happen to have the habit of running into my past and future selves, friends included!” The joy lacing his words put you at ease and you lowered your hand from it’s muzzle position only to have it captured by him immediately.

“Come,” He said, tugging you along as more people began to arrive at the snack table. “I want to meet you, properly!”

When the new Doctor mentioned that he wanted to meet you properly, you had no idea that dancing was his intention. But, soon enough, you found yourself ensconced in the commotion once again. Completely oblivious to the organized dance that was sweeping through the room, The new Doctor raised your entwined hands in the formation of a waltz, his other hand resting in a respectful position on the middle of your back. It’s warmth, so similar to your own Doctors, seeped through the fabric and created goosebumps along your arms.

“So, which one are you?” You asked, voice rising above the violins and cellos.

“Incarnations, you mean? I’m currently in my 8th body. I assume you travel with my 9th?”

“13th, actually,”

The 8th Doctor paused, looking confused for a moment. His lapse in movement caused him to bump into another partygoer, which jostled him back into the dance. “Ah, wearing a bit thin, then…”

“How do you mean?” You asked, concerned at his comment.

“Not to worry,” He said with an enormous smile. “How about you? Where are you from?”

“Earth”

“When?”

“2020”

The 8th Doctor cringed. “I really must come up with better questions”

“I’ve got one,” Said a new but familiar voice. The Doctor, your Doctor, stood only a fraction of an inch away, hands on her hips. ‘8′ gave her a once over, then looked at you and acknowledged the recognition in your eyes.

“Ah, you must be my future self!” He said excitedly. “Wonderful”

“Yes, it is,” your Doctor said hurriedly. “We really should get going, shouldn’t we Y/N?”

“But we’re dancing,” you protested.

“Yes, they want to dance,” the other Doctor reinforced. “Surely there’s no… problem?” You frowned at the inclination in his voice, and so did your Doctor.

“Then they can dance. With me?” your Doctor asked. It sounded authoritative, but the lift of her tone at the end left a hint of worry behind.

“Well, sure-” Before you could finish your sentence, your hand left the 8th Doctors and landed on the shoulder of your Doctor, who began to spin you around the room and away from her past self.

“Where’d your mask go?” She asked, hands gripping your waist tightly.

“He swapped ours,” You replied, trying to keep your voice steady as your Doctor dipped you. The world stopped in that moment, the Doctor’s eyes moving over the gold design. You imagined it would be necessary to breathe soon, but you didn’t want to disrupt the air between the two of you. To keep you steady, the Doctor's hands moved to your upper back, making you shudder.

“Well, jokes on him,” She whispered, as if proving herself in some momentous feat. “Now we match”

When you were raised back into a standing position you found yourself wobbling a bit, still dizzy from the seconds you’d spent near horizontal, only able to focus on your Doctor's voice and presence. Thankfully, there was another presence there to keep you steady.

“You don’t mind if I borrow them for a moment, surely?” the Doctors 8th incarnation asked, arm slipping around your waist.

“I don’t mind,” You squeaked. As you were turned away, you got the feeling that your Doctor did mind. The song ended and another one began, sweeping you off your feet. Or perhaps that was the 8th Doctor himself, who was moving the two of you throughout the room; an impressive feat given your close proximity to the other occupants- and each other.

“I do mind, actually,” your Doctor said grumpily a few moments later, easily and swifting transitioning you from his arms back to hers. Her old incarnation looked stunned for a moment before you lost sight of him. Everything was beginning to blur together, and soon it was hard to tell whose arms you were actually in at any given moment.

“Getting a little bit territorial in your old age, are you?” The 8th Doctor snipped over your shoulder. You resisted the urge to add fuel to the fire growing between them, trying to keep your mind on the music and the dance. However, your mind was distracted and your feet refused to move as they should.

“Old age? You mean more mature, wise-”

“No, I mean territorial” Your Doctor shook her head, trying to guide the two of you away from her past self, only to find that the way was blocked by too many people.

“Or maybe I just remember your plate being a little full” She challenged. “How’s Grace? Charley? Fi-”

“Okay, enough!” You yelped, not exactly anxious to hear all the names involved in the Doctor’s romantic history. Slightly out of breath, and incredibly dizzy, you glanced around for an uninhabited corner of the room that you could take advantage of. You didn’t find one, but you did see, out of the corner of your eye, a man dumping something into the punch bowl that you had been standing at previously.

“See?” You heaved, trying to catch your breath and end their ego contest. “Weird, suspicious stuff. Adventure, right? Go fetch!”

Both of them looked at you with wide eyes. Luckily, you didn’t have to suppress laughter, as your lack of air intake was doing that for you well enough. They looked at each other next.

“This isn’t over,” your Doctor grumbled, as she started moving towards the suspicious activity. As the back of her and the other doctors' suits entered your vision, you thanked the Universe for a break. It wasn’t too welcoming, and you found that each Doctor took one of your hands into theirs and began to lead you along.

__________________________________

It was another 3 hours of challenging quips and hand holding before you finally managed to get the break you so desperately craved, leaning against the TARDIS’ exterior as the two Doctors spoke of the past, the future and the present. It was nice to see them finally getting along. The adventure had brought the two of them together quite nicely, reminding them that they were one and the same despite the bodies and years separating them. Their conversation wrapped up smoothly, with smiles. Then, it was your turn to say goodbye.

“I can’t hang on to the mask, I don’t think” You said sadly, slipping his mask from your face. “I think that if I did, it wouldn’t be in the wardrobe for my Doctor to find. It could conjure up another one, though… maybe?”

“Your Doctor,” The 8th Doctor murmured with a smile. “I like that sentiment.”

Your cheeks grew warmer as you placed the mask into his palm, gently closing his fingers around it. He had taken your mask off of his face, but didn’t hand it over.

“You don’t mind if I keep this one, do you? I’ll put in a good word with the TARDIS to bring it back to you.”

Not entirely grasping the time travel and not bothering to, you nodded, knowing that somehow it would all work out. You glanced over his shoulder to see your Doctor, watching the two of you not with a look of apprehension, but with comforted observation. The 8th Doctor matched your gaze, chuckling to himself. “I suppose I best return to my own travels and time. But, Y/N, make no mistake. I’m very much looking forward to our future.” At the end of his sentence, with his words still echoing through the air, he raised your entwined hands and pressed a delicate kiss to the back of yours, with a squeeze as a promise for another time- One that was steps away.

Clutching your hand to your chest, you watched him disappear into his TARDIS, which began to dematerialize moments later. There was a small ache, but it was soon remedied by your Doctor approaching, with a distant look in her eyes. Clearly, the memories and experiences of another lifetime were beginning to resurface.

“Do I get one from you, too?” You asked to cheer her up. She raised a brow and you held out your other hand, the one untouched. Your Doctor slowly bowed her head to place her lips against it, humming softly. After she was done, she turned it over to place another kiss on the inside of your wrist, against the place where your heart beat in a rapid succession.

“Still trying to one-up him?” You whispered, voice slightly wavering. Your Doctor smiled, unlocking the TARDIS.

“Something tells me I don’t need to. Our future, remember?” Your future, together. Seeing the universe, together. You followed her into the time machine, heart full and eager for more.

[lonelyreputation]

Different (part three)

A/N: Sorry it’s a little bit later than usual!! But here’s part three ahh!! I’m so grateful for all the support you all have shown this series it really makes me 🥺 as I cry into my tea you all are THE BEST 💖✨🥂

Anyway…Enjoy part three!! Let me know your thoughts! 💞 💗 There WILL be a part four 😉

Part ONE | Part TWO | Let’s Chat!! | MASTERLIST

Warnings: Few swear words

WC: 3.1K

It had been six months since you successfully scrapped your life clean of your best friend.  Even with all the time that passed, it wasn’t enough for your heart not to ache whenever you heard him on the radio.  So you stopped listening to the radio.

You had taken down all of the pictures where he made an appearance on your Instagram and switched it to private; you blocked him, anyone from his team, and distanced yourself from his friends that had woven their way into your life.  You eventually deleted your twitter account after Shawn tried contacting you from the AG Artist official account.

It had been a painful process, removing your best friend and the person you loved out of your life, but it was necessary for you to reclaim your sanity.  And something else that helped you stop staining your pillows with tears at night was a daily walk in the park.

There was a park ten minutes from your apartment.  And it had become your safe haven whenever you felt the phantom pain of Shawn twisting the knife in your heart six months ago.   Early on, when your roommate noticed something was different when Shawn wasn’t over, or you weren’t at his place constantly, the park was your escape.  And it continued to serve that purpose up until now.

As usual, you were lost up in your head, trying not to replay the scenario of Shawn destroying you in every way possible, when a voice you hadn’t heard in six months call out your name.

“Y/n?”

You froze in the middle of the pathway, taking a deep breath, and holding it in.  Maybe, you thought to yourself, if you stay as still as possible and don’t turn around he won’t know it’s you.

But he called your name again, letting out a small, but awkward laugh.  You shakily released the breath that you held captive in your lungs, as you slowly turned on your heels to face the red head you hadn’t seen since you begged him to keep Shawn from coming after you.

“Brian,” You offered him a wave, still standing in your spot that was a good few feet away from him, “Hi.”

His eyes tried to shine bright, but you recognized the gloominess in them, because you stared into gloomy eyes every time you looked in the mirror.

With his hands stuffed into the pockets of his winter coat, he took a few steps forward, “It’s been––Wow, it’s been too long.  How’ve you been––” he cut himself and offered you a regretful smile, already knowing the answer to his question, “What’ve you been up to.”

“This and that,” you lamely offered him with a shrug of your shoulders.  Your friendship with Brian had suffered greatly when you cut Shawn out of your life.  He was one of his friends that you blocked from all your social media.

“Do you walk here often?”

A cold breeze made you shiver as you gave him another vague answer, “Every now and then.”

You were almost as close to Brian as you were with Shawn, and he could see right through your poor excuse of answers, “Let’s go get a coffee.”

You shook your head, “I have to––”

“I’ll only take twenty minutes of your time,” his shoulders dropped as he looked at you with pleading eyes, “I’ll even pay.”

Knowing how much Brian hated spending money, it took you aback that he was offering to pay.  Never once in your friendship with him had he paid for anything other than what he absolutely needed.

Warily, you nodded your head in response, and a smile lit up his face, “There’s a place not too far, c’mon.”

The walk to the coffee shop was absolutely silent.  Not that you minded it, but you knew that Brian was holding back whatever thoughts were whirling around in his head for the conversation at the coffee shop.

Soon enough, Brain was holding open the door for you to walk through and you were hit with an immediate warmth.  He asked you if you still had the same coffee order, you nodded your head, and he told you to go sit at a table while he ordered the drinks.

You plucked your gloves from your hands, finger by finger, but kept your jacket on.  Your leg bounced under the table and you chewed on your bottom lip.  Twenty minutes, you said to yourself, you’ll give him twenty minutes and then you’re off.

When Brian placed your coffee on the table, you jumped and hit your knee under the wood table, so lost in your head that you didn’t see him appear.  He didn’t say anything about the shake of the table that caused some of your drink to spill over.

“So…” Brain circled his hands around his coffee and tapped his fingers on the white disposable cup, “You’re really done with Shawn?”

Your eyes bulged out of your head as you placed a hand over your mouth, trying not to spurt coffee out of your mouth, at his direct conversation starter.

You patted your chest a few times to clear your throat, “Are we really going to talk about this?”

Brian looked at you with sympathetic eyes, “He really didn’t tell you anything?”

“Told me I destroyed our friendship,” you said bitterly as you took a sip of your coffee, your mind flashing back to the day where your best friend obliterated your confidence, “Asked me what he did so wrong that made me fall in love with him.”

You took a shaky deep breath in and shut your eyes tight.  You had done well in blocking out the memories of that day, but the soul-crushing feeling in your chest that made it difficult to breathe had taken up residence since that day.

“He doesn’t mean that,” Brian said softly, “Trust me––”

“You weren’t there, Brian,” you snapped at him, “He meant every single word.”

It was silent as the two of you drank your coffee.  In the past, you and Brian were always laughing, poking fun at one another, but today could not be further from how you used to interact with one of your closet friends.

After another moment of silence, Brian let out a deep sigh, and he looked at you like he knew he was going to regret the words about to come out of his mouth, “You really hurt him.”

You let out a laugh, “I really hurt him?”  You waited for him to say something else, anything, but he remained silent as he looked into his black coffee, “You have to be kidding.”

Brian shook his head, “He had to go back on tour a week after your falling out,” he rubbed rubbed his eye, “Did you see any videos of his performances?”

“Of course not,” you scoffed out, “Why would I want to see my ex-best friend who shattered my heart?”

Brian rolled his eyes at your childish remark, but didn’t say anything, “He was messing up chords, singing off key…He couldn’t even finish singing When You’re Ready.”

“Why would he have trouble finishing that song?”

Brain took a deep breath and looked like he was about to say something, but he shook his head as he backtracked, “He really didn’t say anything to you?”  You shook your head no, and he let out a deep sigh, “Was it really necessary to just drop him like that?”

“I needed time for myself to stay sane,” you placed both hands flat on the table and leaned forward, “Has someone you’ve ever loved tell you to your face that what you’re feeling for them is wrong and then they get mad at you?”

Brian stayed silent and you nodded your head.  If Biran witnessed the full blow out that dismantled your friendship, you knew you wouldn’t be having this conversation.  He would probably not even be speaking to you since he was Shawn’s friend first.

Your eyes were drawn to him tapping his fingers on the table, “But that––That doesn’t make sense,” you looked up at him to see his eyebrows scrunched together as he looked off somewhere in the distance behind you, “You guys are so––so different––”

Different; everyone kept using that word to describe your relationship with Shawn.  

Your friends didn’t even blink an eye when either you or Shawn would randomly start laughing together at something when you were across the room from each other.  Or, when walking down the street; your friends would always joke about how Shawn always held your hand, and whenever you tried to pull your hand away in embarrassment, he would squeeze tight and look down at you with a smile.  

He would bake casseroles with your grandmother.  You had a key to his childhood house in Pickering despite not growing up with him.  He picked up groceries for your parents, because the one time he was over at their house with you, he noticed they were out of cereal.  You showed up to Aaliyah’s science fair to see her win a third place ribbon.

Even after everything…Everything that clearly showed your relationship with him was different than a regular friendship, you weren’t enough for him.

You abruptly pushed back your chair, causing a loud screech on the floorboards, as you begged yourself not to cry when you felt your throat tighten up, “Thanks for the coffee,” you didn’t even bother to slip your gloves back on as you pushed the chair back under the table, rushing toward the door, “But I have to go.”

“It was nice seeing you, Y/n.” His voice was somber, mournful of the friendship lost between the two of you, “See you around?”

“Bye, Brian.”

//////

Christmas Eve was two days away, and while the 24th of December was just another day, you would usually be out helping Shawn buy Christmas presents for his family around this time.  The pang of pain you felt in your chest didn’t subside as you stressed cleaned your apartment, so you decided to transfer your energy into your other coping mechanism; a walk in the park.

The brisk winter air of Canada caused your throat to feel scratchy and dry, so you stopped at the coffee shop Brian had brought you to a week and a half ago, and ordered yourself a hot tea.  The barista was nice enough to double cup the boiling water, but it was still a bit too hot, and you cursed yourself for leaving your mittens on the countertop of your apartment.

You left the shop and crossed a few streets until you were in the familiar park.  Unlike when you first started your walks; the trees held no colorful leaves, children running around with smiles were scarce, and the sharp air nipped at your skin like the tip of a knife was vastly different from the warmth of the sun.

“Y/n?”

It was a voice you hadn’t heard in six months.  A voice that you so desperately wanted to never hear again, but at the same time, the smoothness of his calming voice was ingrained into your mind and you missed the sound of it.

With the surprise of his voice, it caused your hand to shake, and hot tea scorched your exposed skin.

“Fuck,” you swore under your breath, back still turned to him.

“Shit––Sorry,” you saw the familiar black chelsea boots––the ones he would always kick off and leave on your floor before he lounged on your couch––come around to where his toes were pointed toward you, “Here––There’s a uh––There’s a coffee shop not too far from here, I can get you napkins––”

With your head still angled downward, refusing to make eye contact with him, you shook the tingling feeling of boiling water on your skin away, the frigid air helping only just a bit to cool it down, “What are you doing here, Shawn?”

In those six months, you hadn’t uttered his name to a single soul, but it was the only name that replayed over and over again in your mind.

“What am I––I’m helping you clean up?” His voice was nonchalant, as if he hadn’t knowingly broken your heart six months ago, and it made you angry.

“What are you here,” you picked your head up from your shoes to look at him for the first time in six months.

If a stranger were to look upon him, or even if a fan were to dissect a photo of him, he would look completely normal.  But you knew him better than that, you knew him a little too well.  

His jawline had a few pimples scattered across, where he usually broke out when he was under an immense amount of stress.  While it was noticeable he hit the gym on tour, he was skinnier than the last time you saw him.  His hangnails and cuticles were picked at, with his fingernails bitten down, the curl that always hung in front of his forehead was pushed back in place, and eyes lacked their usual bright gleam.

To the world he looked like a twenty-one year old who just finished a massively successful world tour, but to you, he looked different.

He was silent as you took in his appearance, but he soon got uncomfortable under your hard stare, and coughed, “Brian––He uh––He told me––” You could see that he was trying so hard to maintain eye contact, but his eyes nervously darted around the barren park, “––He said you came and walked here every now and then.”

You silently cursed Brian.  Of course he would tell Shawn the best place to find you that wasn’t your apartment.  You were glad that he had the decency to actually grant you the space you pleaded for and not show up at your doorstep.

Not knowing what to say to him, you just stood blankly in front of him, your hand gripping your cup of tea, that should still be piping hot, but you were numb to the pain as Shawn stood in front of you.  

The blistering pain of the hot water was no match for the pain you felt looking at him.

“I…” his words trailed off as his eyes focused on a pebble he lightly kicked with the tip of his boot, but when his eyes looked into yours, all you saw was his eyes mirroring the pain you felt, “I miss you, Y/n.”

You felt your throat tighten up, but manage to squeak out a sentence, “Are you serious?”

“Please,” his voice was begging to rebuild your friendship, “Don’t be like this.”

“You…You told me,” your voice was tight, as his eyes quickly looked down at the cup your hand that was shaking out of rage, “You said that what I felt was wrong and how––how I can’t and shouldn’t feel that way about you––”

“Are we really doing this now?” He let out an aggravated sigh, eyes closed, as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You’re the one who came to find me,” you said matter of factly, voice laced with malice, “I said I needed space––”

“It’s been six months!” Shawn ran a hand through his curls, “Six god damn months.”  You noticed his muscles straining in his neck, trying not to yell at full capacity, “You’re telling me you want to go longer without being friends?”

You let out a soft sigh, and with a defeated voice you said, “How can we go back to being friends?”

Shawn shook his head, “Don’t––We just have to talk about what happened that day.”

That day.  The day that unequivocally changed the course of your four year friendship with him.  The day that played over in your head like a film on repeat, with you strapped in a chair, reliving the worst day of your life; it’s what your own personal hell looked like.

“We did,” your voice shook as you replayed the worst part of the film in your head; his words.

The way he held resentment in his voice as he said, “That––Can’t––You don’t love me––Not––Not like…That.”  The way he cried because he didn’t want to let you go when you were obviously hurting, “You’re my best friend.  I don’t want space from you.”

But most of all…The most selfish act of the day––that’s still too painful for your mind to drift to––was when he admitted to seeing you outside of the bathroom door, and how he was knowingly entirely confident in diminishing your self-worth, “I thought if you heard I didn’t love you, instead of me saying it to you, we could go back to being normal.”

There was not a chance you could go back to being normal after that.

“And it obviously screwed both of us over,” you sniffled as you brought the back of your hand up to wipe away a tear that had fallen from your eye, “But we talked and there’s nothing more to it.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” his cheeks were looking more red with every sentence you said, and they weren’t red because of the cold.

“Okay then,” you paused and sucked in a deep breath, “Do you love me now or do you still see me as a friend?”

“You’re my best friend––”

“Do you still see me as a friend?”  

It was the loudest silence you had ever heard and you had your answer loud and clear.

“See?” You clenched your teeth together, in hopes to keep the familiar scratchiness of your throat that always preceded your tears, at bay, “Nothing’s changed so there’s nothing to talk about.”

When you felt another tear betray you and fall down the side of your face, you knew you had to leave his presence.  You quickly spun on your heel, but before you could even make it two steps away, a hand took hold of your elbow.

“Y/n, please––”

You tugged your elbow out of his grasp, but this time when the boiling water of the tea fell on your hand, you didn’t feel it, “I told you I needed space,” you peered over your shoulder to see his eyebrows slanted, eyes glistening with tears, and lip quivering, “If you love me as a friend,” you choked the words out, “Then you’ll give that to me.”

You didn’t wait to hear his response, knowing that whatever it would be, would be determined if he either chased after you or let you walk away.

He let you walk home alone.

Tag List:  @fallinallincurls @alina--jpeg @adelaidestreets @5-seconds-of-mendes @particularnarry @now-that-i-saw-u @turtoix​ @shawnsmutal @vinylmendes @mendesficsxbombay @lights-on-mendes @illuminatepotter @shawnmendez

[msmkcreates]

“so it’s a date?” “nope. not a date” for Slim/Reader? not from any specific fic, i dont think, though what ive read has been *chefs kiss*

I went with Mutt, since I'm not exactly sure what you meant by Slim? And also, this is absolutely not what you had in mind, most likely, so very sorry about that. On the bright side, it sets up for something else and I kinda like that.

Tags/Warnings: Eating Disorders, insults, not much fluff here, fat-phobia (?), reader has body issues and Mutt is an asshole, seriously an asshole

"Re-Hate-tionship" (SF!Papyrus/reader, platonic SF!Sans&Reader)

Was it bad, how much you hated Mutt? Was it wrong of you, as Black's best friend, to so completely despise his shit-talking older brother?

It can't be wrong, you reason, because he hates you just as much. He makes snide remarks at you, about your clothes, your hair, your anything really as long as it's something to pick at. He mocks you when you're trying to be serious, he pulls faces at the back of your head when he thinks you aren't looking, and you're pretty sure you could draw his middle finger from memory.

So, a mutual hate. A re-hate-tionship, if you will. You said that once, and he laughed, and then he looked so upset with himself for at least three days. Black has begged you both to get along, but honestly he's given up at this point--as long as nobody is throwing anything he lets you dance your dance of disapproval.

You'd asked him once, what you ever did to him, and he replied that you were a human of unknown intentions hanging around his brother...and you assumed that your retaliation had lit the flames to you being a bitch, which fed the hate. It isn't like you didn't try to be civil (okay it was rare but sometimes you tried) but it's hard to stay nice when three seconds after entering the house you're being insulted.

Today was no different, of course, you weren't sure what you'd expected when you'd come over for dinner. He hurled his usual insults at you, but this time he somehow hit a sensitive spot.

"why the fuck're we feeding you, too, again? honestly you could probably fit t'skip a meal, flesh-bag."

You stiffened immediately, and Black noticed. His face was full of fury, ready to tell Mutt off, but he didn't say anything when you sharply shook your head.

But it was too late, he'd noticed your lack of response. He didn't make another stab at your weight, at least not right away, but he smirked like he'd won something as you stabbed at your salad, perforating it over and over but ultimately pushing it away.

You weren't very hungry anymore.

It was halfway through the night, the movie still barely ramping up through the action, when he broke from his usual game of begrudging silence to take another crack at you.

"yer movie picker is shit," he said simply.

"It's a classic, everybody likes this movie," you huffed. "At least, anyone who isn't a complete degenerate. Guess I can't expect you to have any sort of taste, not like me and Black."

That earned a snicker from Black, almost a stamp of approval, and Mutt scowled. You only smiled back sweetly.

"i dunno if you can talk 'bout taste, do y'even taste the snacks you shove in yer face? or are y'just hooverin' them down?"

You pressed your lips into a thin line of displeasure, your free hand not holding the popcorn moving to Black's knee, squeezing as you felt him tense beside you. You don't respond, glaring at the TV in front of you, but you do put the popcorn aside, instead crossing your arms and wholly ignoring his presence.

It's fine. It wasn't as if you hadn't been horrible to him on other nights. You insulted him just as much for things he might be sensitive about--his scars, his golden tooth, other appearance based insults you'd be ashamed to repeat to your mother. Maybe if he didn't get a reaction, he'd poke at something else and leave your eating habits alone.

At the very least his little victory kept him in smug silence until the credits rolled.

"PERHAPS WE SHOULD SEND THE LEFTOVERS HOME WITH YOU, MY DEAR," Black said, bundling the last of it into a Tupperware. "DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE YOUR LACK OF APPETITE TONIGHT."

"M'fine," you said, waving away his thinly veiled concern. "You guys keep it."

"a shocking twist of generosity," Mutt added in a bored tone from the living room.

"I'm sorry, did I ask you? Or in some way imply that I was talking to you at all?" You huffed, glaring at him as Black rolled his eyelights, packing the Tupperware into your bag. "You know, you'd be a lot more fun to be around if you didn't spend every waking moment being an asshole."

"i don't spend every moment being an asshole," he chuckled, leaning over the half-wall that separated the kitchen and the living room. "it's somethin' i can turn off, so if that's my worst trait at least m'pretty."

"Gag me," you spat.

"now there's an image."

"Ew!" You scoffed, turning away from him to look at Black with exasperation.

"it's a date, then?" He laughed.

You looked back at him, horrified. "No, no, not a date, definitely not a fucking date. If you think you're coming anywhere close to my mouth with any filthy fucking part of your body--"

"what, i thought you liked a little sausage?" He practically purred. "y'certainly eat like ya'd suck a mean dick."

"MUTT! THAT IS ENOUGH!" Black said swiftly, but the damage was done.

It seemed he had found his new Favorite Thing to poke at about you. The unbothered look on his face as Black raised his voice at him was enough to make that blindingly clear, and you set your jaw, fists clenching as you glared at him.

"I eat like everybody else!" You said finally, hands shaking in your rage. "I'm not fat!"

"OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY--" Black tried, and you shook his hand off your arm.

"He did mean it that way!" You flipped Mutt off, with gusto. "Fuck you, and that isn't an invitation."

With that, you took off, storming out and onto the terrace. You would have left completely but your stuff wasn't all together yet and you didn't fancy coming back for it in twenty minutes. You slammed the sliding glass door as good as you could and dragged a deck chair to the edge of the balcony, plopping down and leaning on your crossed arms, staring down into the trees and foliage behind the building.

You could hear Black blowing up on Mutt inside, though the soundproofing was good enough that you couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, only the tone of it. He knows all about your history with your eating disorder, you'd broken down and cried to him after he'd asked you one too many times if you'd gotten enough to eat.

You understand that underground, resources were scarce, and that's why he always makes sure you've eaten enough. He's been good about his wording since then, carefully asking if you have everything you need, with heavy implications that he means food. It's worked thus far, and sending leftovers home was kind of his way of saying he loved you.

You assume, then, as you calmed down a bit, that Mutt really meant no offense when he said you eat well. It was probably a compliment, even, as veiled as it was. And it wasn't like you'd ever opened up to him about your strained relationship with food and your weight. He probably thought it was funny that a small compliment made you clam up in a way his insults never had.

The door slid open behind you and you sighed, closing your eyes. "It's fine, Black, I'll get over it."

"good, here i thought i'd hafta apologize."

You huffed and turned a glare on Mutt as he closed the door behind him. That was not your best friend as you had expected. "What, did he make you come out here to say sorry? Well, you can save it, I don't take insincere apologies."

"actually, he told me he's fed up with how i treat you and that he didn't want to see me within a mile of ya again." Mutt pulled up the second terrace chair and took a seat. "but i don't think i can do that."

"What, come to make fun of me, then?" You hissed, leaning back and glaring over at him. "Maybe call me names? Make pig noises?"

"i wouldn't do that," he said, seriously. "i pick my words pretty carefully, you know, if i'd'a known you had a thing about food i woulda picked 'em even more carefully."

"Since when do you give a shit about my feelings?"

"always," he said, and you snorted, disbelieving. "we may not get along, but yer important t'sans, that makes you important t'me. an' you ain't nothin' but beautiful, so i guess i didn't think that you'd take it as me callin' you fat."

"First you insult me, and now you lie to me." You stood up, and he looked right up at you as you loomed over him the best you could. "Anything else? Maybe poke fun at my dead mom, or fake-ask-me-out?"

"why would anyone fake asking someone out?" He asked, genuinely surprised. "i'm a mean bitch at heart, so is sans, but we'd never do that."

You huffed. "Well then congrats, you're better than the kids I went to school with. Barely."

He hummed thoughtful and you were about to turn and leave him behind--

"wanna fuck?"

Slowly, you turned around, looking at him in disbelief. "I'm sorry?"

"i said," he stood, crowding you against the balcony fencing, his hands on either side of you. "wanna fuck? you an' i might not get along, but you're fine as fuck, i'm not so bad, and i gotta bed we can work out our aggressions on. so, wanna fuck?"

You inhaled, hands on his chest and ready to push him away...but you're due for some stress relief and if anything you can trust him not to get attached, and despite being the opposite of friends you trust he'd never do anything to hurt you, if only for his brother's sake.

"You know what?" You breathed, straightening your posture. Your hands went from pushing to gripping his shirt. "Yeah. Let's fuck. You've had worse ideas."

[kerwritesthings]

Take The Wheel & Steer

Summary: Sometimes you just need to be loud with your love

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: this is so soft, sweet and fluffy I feel like it belongs on a cloud

Author Notes: I legit busted out half of this in the moments after I posted Here Comes The Sun. I completely blame the gifset that @rainbowshawn​ posted a couple days ago. Masterlist for the soon to be named verse/all my other SM fics can be found here. 

“So, I may have done something,” he explains with a cheeky grin from the doorway. “And I need you to not be mad. Promise me now you won’t be mad.”

You’ve ensconced yourself in the window seat with a book and a glass of wine while he finished up in the studio. It was early afternoon, so they must have wrapped earlier than expected if he’s back up to you already. Your eyebrows knit down, looking at your boyfriend curiously. “What did you do, Shawn?”

“You gotta promise me first,” he replies, sliding down to sit next to you, stealing a sip from your glass. “Ooh this is good. Let’s get some for home. And honestly, it’s nothing too bad. Well, I don’t think so, maybe, well kind of.”

Sighing, you steal your glass back from him. “Shawn…”

“I need you to pack early, well, or at least pack a bag for a couple nights and maybe be kind of packed up for your flight home,” he starts, his fingers coming to play with the loose ends of hair hanging from your ponytail.

“Again, I say, Shawn…” you prod carefully.

“I may have booked us a bungalow up in Santa Barbara for the weekend,” he mutters, a flush spreading across his cheekbones. “Well tonight through Sunday. We’ll head back in time for your flight that night. I know this is already a break for you, but the studio is right downstairs. I’ve been good, but I’ve still been working. We’ve been alone, but not really and truly alone other than the couple hours at the beach. And after last weekend, I just wanted to do something special to celebrate just with my girl away from everything. No distractions.”

“And where Shawn?” you ask, just waiting.

He flushes darker, smile creeping a little bigger before ducking into your neck. “Maybe the Four Seasons. Maybe the bungalow with the pool in the courtyard you’ve always talk about wanting to stay at…”

“Sweetheart,” you begin, but he cuts you off at the quick with a kiss.

“I know what you’re going go into and what you’re going to say but shhhh,” he quips out as he drops kisses all over your face. “At least I didn’t buy that beach house we walked past the other day that you seemed to like. I can see that being something that’s like more reasonable for you to be mad at. And I think I’d have a house full of family back in Pickering mad at me for that one too.”

You can’t help but laugh, slapping his arm. “Especially your Mom. But thank you, Shawn. You didn’t need to do that. And you’re terrible, you know that?”

“Nope,” he says with wide smile. “Just love you is all.”

He rents the most ridiculous car for drive, because he’s taking this whole spoiling long weekend to a whole other level. It’s a sleek two-seater convertible, midnight blue. Your hands itch to get behind the wheel and he’s going to let you take the drive up. You can’t believe how excited you are for it. 

“How did he talk you into helping on this?” you ask Cez as gets out of the driver seat and flips you the keys.

“Payback for me keeping you coming out early a secret,” Cez replies, shaking his head as he pushed at Shawn’s shoulder.

“It was more like a pointed favor, man,” he teased. “Thanks though. This is a sweet ride. You came through big time.”

“More for her than you, you know,” he barks out, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “I still don’t know how you put up with him most of the time.”

“Hey,” Shawn whines out, exaggeratedly pouting.

“Some reason I love him, a lot,” you gush, shifting out from under Cez’s arm to wrap your boyfriend in a hug.

He nuzzles his nose against your hair, “Love you too, baby.”

Once bags are sorted, you slide into the driver’s seat and exhale. The leather is super soft, and it already feels like a dream without even starting up the car yet.

“It’s like a solid hour fifteen drive with no traffic and looks like we can take the PCH straight up,” he says poking at Google Maps on his phone. “If you’re driving, I get to control the music. It’s only fair.”

The music is a hysterical symphony of extremes. He keeps it more singer songwriter and poppy Top 40 as you get out of Malibu and onto the PCH. He starts singing along as you hit Zuma Beach. Loudly. First to the latest from the Jonas Brothers which segue ways into a Coldplay track back to back with an older Maroon 5 deep cut you both love. When you shift from trailing along the coast into Oxnard, he hits an R&B/Rap block and you cannot help but laugh when he tries to match Drake lyric for lyric before the track flips to Chance and then the latest from The Weeknd. Once you’re back trailing against the coastline, the music changes again.

“Wait wait wait,” you call out, very familiar opening chords ringing in the background. “Someone stole my 80’s cheese playlist I do believe. The same person who makes fun of this very playlist when I’m bouncing around the condo to it.”

“Perhaps,” he says coyly. “And maybe I just happen to have it to listen to when I’m on the road and missing you.”

He starts belting along with a-Ha right away without letting you get a word out as soon as the vocals kick in, head bopping and curls wildly flying about. 

“Talking away, I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway. Today is another day to find you, Shying away.  I'll be coming for your love. OK?” he sings.

He sounds fantastic, because of course he does, even if its playful car sing alongs. You may just need to try to get him to do more 80’s covers on the next tour. Or record some for you to have for when you’re apart. You join in on the next verse with him.

“Oh, things that you say. Yeah. Is it life or just to play my worries away? You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying away. I'll be coming for you anyway,” you both shout out together. 

You are both in hysterics at the end, your sides hurting from how much you’ve been first singing, then screaming along and laughing. He reaches over and snags your right hand in his left, bringing it up to kiss the back of it.

“There’s no one else I’d want to sing along to that with. Shit, that was fun,” he exclaims, pausing the music completely for a moment.

“How I wish I had video of that,” you joke. “Such epic Instagram content that would have been. Man, I wonder how many likes I could have gotten from that. I wonder if E! would have picked it up if I posted it, I could drive up my followers!”

He scoffs rolling his eyes and barking out a laugh, releasing your hand and poking your side. “Drive, woman. Enough out of you. We’re almost there. And you’re in for it when we are.” 

TAG LIST: @whenidance​​​, @justinndavis​​​, @sinplisticshawn​​​, @hollandraul​​​, @fallinallincurls​​​, @itrocksmysocks​​​, @rainbowshawn​​​, @lasingphomustra​​​, @illumecherry​​

[shawnsassymendes]

Best Friend’s Brother

a/n: sorry man i just love this trope also aaliyah and reader are in college in this thing but shawns the same age. so the difference between shawn and aaliyah would be like idk 2-3 years?

synopsis: your best friend bails on your movie night, so you end up going with her brother.

wc: 3.2k

{Masterlist in Bio}

____________________

You walked up to the front door of your best friend’s childhood home. It was winter break so everyone was back home, leaving a few students at the dorms of the University of Toronto. One of them being you. 

Your best friend of almost 10 years now lived in the suburbs that neighboured Toronto. Only a half hour drive from the dorms. You drove up to Pickering every Wednesday and Saturday during break to have your bi weekly movie night with Aaliyah.

You never minded the drive, of course. She was your best friend and you couldn’t bear staying at your dorm with nothing to do all winter break long. You couldn’t really afford a trip back home right now.

“Liyah, I’m here!” You called out as you unlocked the door. You were given a spare key to the Mendes household as soon as you could drive.

“I’m in my room!” Aaliyah yelled out.

You walked up the stairs and entered Aaliyah’s room. She was slipping on a black silk top over her dark wash high waisted skinny jeans. “A bit much for movie night?” You remarked, plopping down on her bed.

“Movie night?” Aaliyah’s knitted brows slowly rose to her hairline. “Oh my god, movie night! I’m so sorry y/n, I thought it was Friday!” 

You groaned and tipped your head back. “Liyah, what the hell? Please don’t tell me Jordan’s coming.”

Aaliyah’s face became riddled with guilt. “Jordan’s already outside.” She smiled sheepishly, pointing at her boyfriend’s car through the window.

“I fucking hate you. What the fuck am I gonna do with the tickets?” You pulled out the tickets from your purse and waved them in her face.

“You can go alone? You always said you wanted to try that?” Aaliyah said as he adjusted her bra to show more cleavage.

“Not today I don’t! I’m going with your mom, she’s much better company anyways.” You huffed, getting up to go find Karen. 

“Mom’s not here. She’s out with friends.”

“Then who’s home?” You were hoping she would say Manny because movies with him were always entertaining. The answer you really didn’t want her to say was exactly what she did say.

“Just Shawn.” She shrugged before her eyes went wide and a grin spread over her face. 

“Don’t even think about it. I’m not going. I’ll stay here until you come back and we can watch whatever’s on Netflix until sunrise. I’m not gonna go with him.” You crossed yours arms over your chest and sat on her desk chair.

“But you know you wanna.” Aaliyah smirked, pulling you up from the chair. “This crush has been going on for too long. Come on, if you go with him tonight I’ll take you to the fancy French place for dinner. You know the one, Aubergine du Pompadour.” She said the name of the restaurant with the worst French accent you could imagine, replacing every word with whatever sounded like it fit in.

“Auberge du Pommier.” You rolled your eyes, correcting her. “That place is hella expensive, Liyah. We can’t go. You know I can hardly afford gas.”

“Who said I’d let you pay?” She scoffed. “Shawnie boy gave me his card for Christmas. Told me to go crazy. Consider this part of your Christmas present.” Aaliyah grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at you.

You sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Were you really considering this? Yes, definitely. You’ve had a crush on Shawn since forever. He was always nice to you, helping you out whenever he could. But you were sure he just saw you as a little sister.

“Okay.” You whispered, head still tilted back.

“Oh my god, really?” Aaliyah squealed.

“Yeah, but only as friends. I’m not gonna try to do anything. We’re just friends. Just my best friend’s brother.” You confirmed, looking Aaliyah in the eye.

“My best friend’s brother, my best friend’s brother. BFB, BFB, my best friend’s brother is the one for me.” Aaliyah sang in a low voice, not wanting her brother to hear.

“Shut it!” You hissed, struggling not to smile.

“Liyah baby, you ready?” Jordan asked as he walked into the room. “Hey y/n!” He shot you a smile.

“Jordan, you are dead to me.” You replied, picking up a pillow from the bed and throwing it at him.

Jordan caught it with ease. “The fuck did I do?”

“Why are you taking her on a date today? It’s movie night!” You whined, incredibly close to jumping up and down like a toddler having a tantrum.

“Oh shit, sorry y/n. Thought it was Friday.” Jordan winced, placing the pillow back on the bed.

You rolled your eyes and shot him a glare. “What the fuck have you guys been smoking, it’s Wednesday.”

Jordan came up behind Aaliyah and pulled her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her torso. “I was telling her, she should go with Shawn.” Aaliyah told her boyfriend, looking up at him.

“Oh, that’s a good idea!” Jordan smiled, looking back at you. “Finally gonna make a move?”

“Not in a million years.” 

“Still thinks he sees her as a little sister.” Aaliyah grumbled.

Jordan chuckled. “Mhm, sure. Let’s pretend you two didn’t make out at that-”

“It was one time!” You cut him off, eyes wide. “Besides, he was drunk. Doesn’t even remember it.”

Jordan raised his brows at you, as if to ask if you were serious. “He told you that?”

“Uh, no. He didn’t say anything after, just assumed he forgot.” Your voice trailed off.

“Pfft, alright whatever. We have a reservation we’re gonna be late for.” Aaliyah piped up, looking pointedly at Jordan.

“Yeah, we do. You want me to drop you off at your dorm or are you going to the movie?” Jordan asked, taking his keys out of his pocket.

“No, I’m gonna see if Shawn wants to go. If he doesn’t, I’ll just go home. Have fun you two. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” You smiled as you handed Aaliyah her coat.

“How about you stay over, eh? We can have a sleepover when we get back.” Aaliyah asked, putting her hands on your shoulders.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” She gave you a kiss on the cheek before she left the room, leaving you to your own devices.

You spread yourself out on the bed, listening to Aaliyah and Jordan drive off while you thought of what to do next. 

You could always just throw the tickets away. Never ask Shawn and stay the night. Tell Aaliyah he said no and that you went alone. But she would definitely ask Shawn why he said no. And he would be as clueless as ever. She would get pissed that you lied. Ugh too much trouble.

You hopped off the bed and headed to Shawn’s room before you changed your mind. You knocked the door three times and stepped back. 

“Coming!” Shawn’s voice could be heard through the door. He opened it and his eyes landed on you, causing a smile to spread across his face. “Hey, y/n. How are you?” He hoped his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

“I’m good. How about you? When did you come home?” Small talk wasn’t your favorite, but any words exchanged with Shawn were precious.

“Just a couple days ago. Staying here until Christmas, but then I’m going back to my place. You coming here for Christmas this year?” You were probably just high off of being around him, but it was almost like Shawn sounded hopeful.

“Uh, yeah I am.” You replied, looking down at the carpeted floors. You knew if you explained why, Shawn wouldn’t hesitate to offer you a ticket home and you were in no way going to accept that. So you changed the subject “Listen, I booked two tickets for a movie, but Liyah bailed on me. I was hop-thinking, maybe you would wanna... come with?”

“Of course! I mean uh, yeah sure. When does it start?” Shawn asked, retreating into his room to change out of his sweatpants you assumed. 

“We’ve still got plenty of time. Starts in two hours. Liyah and I usually take the long way to listen to more songs. That’s why I’m here so early.” You explained, wiping your palms against your jean clad thighs.

“No worries.” Shawn smiled, looking you over. He perked up when he saw what you were wearing. “Nice hoodie.” He smirked.

You looked down and saw that you were wearing the Pine Ridge hoodie Shawn had given you ages ago. You hadn’t attended Pine Ridge, so Shawn knew it was his. “Don’t get cocky, now.” You rolled your eyes with a smile.

“Who said anything about cocky?” 

“That look on your face says cocky. I’ll be waiting downstairs.” 

Your conversation with Aaliyah and Jordan echoed in your mind as you walked down the stairs. It was like they knew something you didn’t. It was like they knew for certain that Shawn liked you back. But that was impossible. Maybe they were bluffing to get you to act on your feelings. But Jordan... how did Jordan know about the kiss?

Shawn kissed you at his birthday party during the summer. It was so abrupt and sudden and he was pulled away immediately afterwards, leaving you all alone. After Shawn made no attempt to contact you the day after, you kept it a secret for so long. You told Aaliyah a full two months after it happened. She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone, and Aaliyah never breaks her promises. So who the hell told Jordan?

“Your car or mine?” Shawn’s words broke your train of thought, shaking you out of your trance to look at him pulling on his shoes on the staircase.

“Yours, I’m all outta gas.” You chuckled.

“You gonna be okay to go home?” You couldn’t help but feel a few butterflies batting their wings in your stomach at the slight protectiveness you were getting from him.

“I’m staying over, but I’ll figure something out tomorrow. Come on, I have a playlist in mind.” You skipped your way out of the house, scrolling through your phone to find the playlist.

You walked to the passenger side of Shawn’s Jeep, waiting to hear him unlock the car. When you heard the beep, you pulled the car door open only for it to still be locked. You looked up to find Shawn standing near the Tesla and not the Jeep.

“I thought we could take this one for tonight. We always use the Jeep.” Shawn shrugged.

“That’s because I love the Jeep. Come on Shawn, you know I’m not one for fancy shit.” You looked at him and nodded towards the Jeep one more time.

“Whatever you want, honey.” There they were again, those pesky butterflies. 

You climbed into the car and connected your phone to the car bluetooth. You hit shuffle on the playlist you had ready as Shawn buckled up.

“I love this song.” Shawn smiled, head bopping to the melody. Shawn looked at the screen that he had installed where the radio used to be. “Is the playlist called Shawn?”

“Yup.” 

“Why do you have a playlist called Shawn?”

“I have a playlist ready for anyone I might be in a car with. There’s Liyah, there’s Jordan, there’s Liyah and Jordan. I have their song on there ‘cause the look on their faces when it comes on is so adorable. And one for my mom and your mom and you know, a lot of people.” You scrolled through your playlists, naming them and explaining little things about each one.

“That’s cute.” Shawn pointed out. “The thing about Aaliyah and Jordan. That you know their song. I don’t even know their song.”

“Mm, perks of being the best friend.” 

You and Shawn easily slipped into conversation, stopping every once in a while to sing along loudly to any particular song. You noticed half an hour into the drive that the 15 minute ride to the movie theater was taking much longer than usual. Shawn was taking the long way... 

When you arrived, there was about 10 minutes left before the movie would start. Shawn missed a lot of turns apparently. You walked in and got your snacks and beverages and went to your screen.

You had no clue why you had booked this movie because it was the cheesiest rom-com you had ever seen. It came to the point where it was a full on comedy for you. You were glad Aaliyah hadn’t come with you to see it because she would have hated it. Shawn however, found it absolutely hilarious.

You snickers kept getting you glares and loud hushes to be quiet from the movie goers around you. 

"Hey, you wanna get out of here? The park’s like two minutes away.” Shawn whispered into your ear about halfway through the movie.

“I thought you’d never ask.” You snickered. You let Shawn take your hand and lead you out of the cinema.

You walked in a comfortable silence towards the park nearby, hands still intertwined. But you weren’t the one keeping track.

“We used to come to this park all the time in high school, remember?” Shawn reminisced, holding out a swing for you. You slipped on and nodded for Shawn to get on the one next to you.

“I remember. I miss those nights. We were such kids.” You chuckled, digging your boot covered feet in the snow beneath you.

“Tell me about it.” Shawn scrunched his nose. “I had my first kiss here. I think it was 8th grade.”

“No way, me too!” You smiled, turning to Shawn. “Who was yours?”

“Betty Stevens. You?”

“Jordan.” You grimaced.

“What? No way!” Shawn laughed. “Does Aaliyah know?”

“Of course she does! I would never do that to her. It was spin the bottle back in 9th grade. He was super sweet about it, though.” You smiled, remembering him asking if you were okay with it.

Shawn scoffed. “Why the hell were a bunch of freshmen playing spin the bottle at a public park?”

“I honestly don’t remember.” You laughed. “Remember that bonfire we had at the beach one time. It was a bunch of your friends and Liyah and I tagged along. The one where Brian stripped and jumped into the freezing water. That’s one of my favorite memories, you know?”

“I remember that night. Me too, but the Brian part isn’t what makes it one of my favorite.” Shawn smiled, inching his swing closer to yours.

“Ugh, shut up. You know what I mean.” You rolled your eyes in response, hitting his boot with your own. “That night, when everyone left and it was just you, me, and Liyah. And we just talked all night long. Didn’t come home till the sun was up. I love that memory.”

“My mom got so mad at me that night. For keeping you guys out all night long to watch the sunrise.” Shawn chuckled, his hand now holding one chain from his swing and one from yours.

“You never told me that.”

"It didn’t matter because it was so worth it.” 

“Why is that?”

“Because you love watching the sunrise.”

You and Shawn walked back to the car, hand in hand. The drive home just as long as the drive to the theater, and just as full of butterflies. 

When you got home, you slowly unlocked the front door as to not wake anyone up. Tip toeing up the steps until you reached Aaliyah’s room.

“y/n?” Shawn whispered, taking both of your hands into his. “Do you wanna go on a date?”

“Like a date date?” You whispered back, eyes blown wide.

“Mhm, at the Auberge du Pommier. I know you’ve been wanting to go.” Shawn nodded.

“I have.” You replied.

“Friday at 8. Is that okay with you?” He asked.

“It’s perfect, Shawn. Thank you for coming with me tonight. I had a wonderful time.” You whispered, smile evident in your voice as it was concealed in the darkness.

“Me too.” Shawn leaned down and kissed you lightly on your lips. “Friday at 8. I’ll pick you up.”

And with that he walked down the hall and into his room. You slowly brought your hand up and traced your cupid’s bow. It was like your lips were on fire.

You slowly opened the door to Aaliyah’s room and sat down in her desk chair. You couldn’t believe it. This had to be a dream.

Your phone pinged and you numbingly took it out of your pocket. You had to read the screen a few times before your brain processed what was in front of you.

jordan: how did it go tonight?

you: it was good

jordan: good?

you: fine it was great

you: listen i need to ask you something

jordan: shoot

you: how did you know about the kiss?

jordan: well

jordan: he told me

You put your phone on the charger and began rummaging through Aaliyah’s closet to find something to sleep in.

Shawn told him. That means Shawn never forgot.

You climbed into bed next to Aaliyah, who was fast asleep until you did so. “Hey, you’re back. How did it go?”

“It was good. How about you?” You pulled the blanket Aaliyah was hogging and brought it up to your chin.

“It was really nice. We went to the cutest restaurant and they started playing our song as soon we got in. Felt like it was a sign from the universe.” Aaliyah smiled, eyes closing as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Listen, if you still wanna go to the Pompadour restaurant, tell me so I can call in advance. You know how busy those types of restaurants get around Christmas.”

“Actually, I’m gonna go with Shawn next Friday.” 

It was like you flipped a switch because Aaliyah’s eyes flew wide open. “What?!”

“Shh, go to sleep. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.”

“You can’t just say that and expect me to fall asleep.” She groaned.

“Goodnight, Liyah.” You grinned.

You tossed and turned all night. Well not literally, otherwise Aaliyah would have murdered you. But you stayed up all night thinking about the kiss Shawn gave you before he went to his room. There was no way you could mistake it any longer. Shawn was definitely into you. You couldn’t believe it. 

You had managed to fall asleep for about an hour before the sun came up. The sunlight filtering in through the window woke you up, making you regret not closing the blinds the night before.

You grabbed your things and trudged downstairs. You grabbed a muffin from the breakfast table where Karen was already sitting. You gave her a hug and a wave goodbye and headed to your car.

As you sat down, you remembered you were almost fully out of gas. No way was the little bit left in the tank from last night going to be able to get you home.

You looked down at the gas gauge only to see your tank was completely full. You looked up and saw a sticky note on the rearview mirror.

figured something out for you -s

____________________

part 2

thankyou for reading my lovelies. i thought of this like a day ago or something idk but i also had bfb by victoria justice stuck in my head for a while so this is what came of it. pls dont forget to leave feedback! @shawncxlvins here it is love!

[touchingoldmagic]

Day 24 - Jillian Holtzmann Being Weird

Day 24 of the 30 Day Ghostbusters Challenge!

Author’s Notes: Takes place after the Crossing Over storyline of the comics. Warnings for Ron's use of language, as usual. Mentions Ron x Bryan.

"What are you doing here!?" Bryan Welsh blurted out, then immediately looked contrite. "Er, I'm sorry! I didn't mean--"

Jillian didn't seem to take offense. "Hello, Windy City!" she said by way of introduction. Bryan was standing behind the front desk at the Chicago Ghostbusters HQ. She reached across the desk and shook his hand. "Jillian Holtzmann. I think we met briefly while keeping the multiverse from collapsing. Please, don't trouble yourself remembering who put that little ball in motion. Ha."

Bryan still looked a little dazed and turned to their administrative manager, Kim, for help. She was seated at the desk, studiously typing up a report on their last case and staying out of the entire conversation.

Bryan hated when he had to awkwardly look for words. "Yes, ah, Dr. Holtzmann, I remember you. I--we didn't expect--aren't you from another dimension?"

Kim raised her eyebrows almost to her hairline but did not look up from her keyboard.

"I'm here for a visit. It's scientific. Perfectly legal. Mostly. Besides, I have a chaperone." The blond physicist hooked an arm around the smaller woman who had entered the building with her.

"I'm not a chaperone," Kylie grumbled. "I was coming here anyway and she tagged along. There's an estate sale this afternoon downtown, some guy who was a big name in occult studies. I'm here to see if I can pick up some books for the boss."

"Oh, the Pickering Estate?" Bryan asked. "I think Dani was going to go, too. Maybe you two could go together."

Kylie looked surprised. "I didn't know Dani was interested in the research aspect of the biz."

Bryan shrugged. "Well she said we didn't have anyone to do it and we should, and she seems to be taking it pretty seriously so far. Our spare room has two bookshelves full now."

"Oh yeah? Anything good?" To say books were one of Kylie's interests was a bit of an understatement.

Bryan shrugged, looking embarrassed. "Oh, I guess? I dunno, really, but she'll be back from lunch soon and you could ask her."

While the two were talking, Jillian took one careful step backward, then another. Then, seeing as no one had any reaction, she turned and hurried down the hall that led past the front reception area and deeper into the building.

The short hall had three other doors and a stairwell. "Women's intuition is telling meeeeee... this one." Jillian pointed at the first door on the left and pushed it open without knocking.

Inside the small office space was a desktop covered in broken pencils, paperwork, schematics, tools, loose screws, and bits of oily spare parts leaving stains on the desk blotter. Behind the desk was Ron Alexander, feet propped up on a desk drawer that jutted open and hat pulled down low over his face to cover his eyes.

"Boo-yah," Jillian said with satisfaction.

Ron looked up. "Oh fuck, you," he sighed in recognition.

"I decline," Jillian returned immediately, making Ron look confused for a moment, but she continued before he could get a word in. "Thought I'd stop by and say hi. Nice city. So how're you doing, Ronny?"

"Call me that again and I'll kick your ass."

"Great. Listen, Ronny," Jillian plowed on without pausing for breath. "You remember anything about the thing in New York? I mean, obviously you do. We both do. But the details? The notes we scribbled all over the walls of your friend's place during the planning stages? Remember any of that? Anything specific?"

Ron put his feet down and sat up, as it seemed getting the talkative blond out of his office wasn't going to be as easy as just ignoring her. "Nope."

"Me either." Jillian tipped her head and narrowed her eyes at the wall over Ron's head. He didn't have anything hanging there, so he assumed she was thinking about something. Though with her it was hard to tell. "It's possible rapid and multiple crossing of dimensions might impair localization of long-term memory or something," she admitted.

"Or something," Ron muttered, a lot more suspicious than the physicist, and therefore a lot quicker to jump to conclusions. "I have a feeling those losers in New York had something to do with it."

"Those are my friends," Jillian pointed out in a careful tone (which was interesting to hear, as she hardly ever sounded careful in her life).

"I was talking about the ones with dicks," Ron said.

Jillian considered that for a moment. "Those ones are also my friends," she decided.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Look, I don't remember shit and the notes are gone, so that's it. I don't even care, it was more trouble than it's worth. I'm not jumping through hoops again the next time the universes decide to collapse. Or spending another week in the hospital." His hand reflexively went to his chest and then he quickly put his hand down at his side again. "So if that's it feel free to leave, and don't let the door smack you on the ass on your way out."

"Wasn't here for that," Jillian insisted. "Just curious. My plane's not leaving 'til tonight. We've got time. We could get lunch." Jillian warmed up to this idea and her speech sped up. "In fact, we should all go. That lady at the front desk looked like she could use a breadstick. Possibly two."

The idea of spending several more hours with Jillian Holtzmann, when she wasn't distracted by complex equations and jury-rigged machinery, was a terrifying one. "And why would we do that?"

The physicist looked honestly perplexed. Her team ate lunch together all the time, she honestly couldn't picture it any other way. "Uh? Team building? Group bonding? Sharing unlimited soup and salads at Olive Garden? We could make it a lunch date. You're dating the jittery one out front with the little upturned nose, right?"

Ron sucked in a breath so quick it triggered a coughing fit. "WHAT?" he gasped out as he fought for air.

"He's cute, I mean, I assume." Jillian shrugged. "What, is workplace fun not allowed? No worries, your secret's safe with me. Unless you have something I want, then I'm going to blackmail you. Ha."

Ron stood up and pointed a finger at her. "Listen here you little b--"

"Anyway! This is for you." Jillian all but bounced forward, leaned across his desk, and dropped something onto Ron's outstretched index finger, still pointing in her direction. Ron froze and stared at it. Gingerly, he lifted it off his finger and turned it around.

It was a baseball cap. Dark blue in color, and on the front, embroidered in white, was the letter U with a nail going through it.

Ron looked at the hat, then raised his eyes to look at the pendant hanging from Jillian's neck, then lifted them up to her face. "What," he said succinctly, "the fuck?"

Jillian leaned against the front of Ron's desk with one hip, folding her arms across her chest. "Remember when you said we were friends and I declined?"

Following conversations with Jillian Holtzmann was like programming code. It gave him a headache. "No. I think I said we hit it off and you said 'eh.'"

"Right, look, Ronny, I've been thinking." She ignored his growl. "What I said before, about how I didn't really click with anyone until Abby and Erin and Patty and Kevin? I've been thinking that searching through an infinite number of dimensions for people who think like me was a bad idea. Not that it's not cool to meet alternate me's. Especially hot secret agent alternate me's." Ron's lip curled in disgust. "Anyway," she continued, "I think maybe instead of being so focused on finding people like me, I'm gonna work harder to be friends with people who are different. And we did make a pretty good team."

Ron snorted. "Dunno about that," he said, but he leaned over and placed the cap in the desk drawer that he'd been using to prop up his feet before she came in, and slid the drawer closed.

Then he straightened and leveled her with a look. "We're not going to the damn Olive Garden. I have standards. And I'm not paying for your lunch."

Jillian gave a hiss of triumph and launched herself toward the door, eager to start in on convincing the cute secretary to come to lunch with them. "Wouldn't dream of it, Ronny. I can't wait to inflict chaos on your economic structure by slipping some alternate dimension currency into the system. Mwa ha ha. You have President Downey Jr. on your twenty dollar bills, right? Kidding! Or am I?"

"Holtzmann," Ron said.

She stopped short of the door, leaned back on her heels and pivoted around to face him. "Hmm?"

"How did you know? About...?" He tilted his head toward the door, indicating the front of the building.

Jillian smirked. "Didn't. Guessed. Your freak out was telling. Also you have a little doodle of a ghost on the corner of your desk and you don't seem like the doodling type."

Ron looked down at his desk and cursed and Jillian slipped out into the hall to wrangle up the Chicago Ghostbusters for lunch.

[zankivich]

Comfort: Werewolf! Shawn x Black OC Witch! AU

a/n: idk why I titled this comfort other than the fact that this just felt so warm to me. In fact I think I use just the word warm like a 100 times in this fic. It just felt right. This is my first OC and I love her with all of my heart so please be kind to her. She’s a little angsty, but she means well I promise. This was so fucking fun to write. I hope you like it. Thank you. k bye. 

WARNINGS: Slur usage (n word), sloooooow burn, she’s girth at 19k words, 

If you want to buy me a ko-fi you can do so here:  I also apparently have a permanent tag list now so let me know if you want that. 

There are some perks to being the alpha in town. The general respect from everyone he came in contact with. The support of his pack, and the whole getting to live with his best friends thing. Even the responsibility of protecting the town filled him with pride, even if it was a lot of work. Besides the perks though there were the caveats. There was the whole, random things popping out of the woods every other week to try and kill him. And then the being responsible for a pack of ten other werewolves in their early twenties who were for the most part, especially the guys of the pack, dumb as all hell. Lastly there were the witches.

Pickering’s history was rooted in something straight out of folklore. Centuries ago, the land used to belong to Shawn’s ancestors, but the witches had arrived and put a hex on the land. They would only remove the hex if they were allowed to stay. There had been whole wars between his kind and the witches until his great-great-great-grandfather had come into power. It was he who struck a treaty with the witches in order to prevent any more death. It didn’t mean that prejudice didn’t continue, and most of the town was extremely segregated. You were either a witch or a wolf, or a human and that determined just about everything for you.

Shawn had grown up with that history, so needless to say witches weren’t exactly his best friends in town. However, he also grew up knowing that his destiny was to one day lead the town. His dad raised him on compassion and leadership with the understanding that their town was a town for all, not just one. Even if it was difficult. Especially if it was difficult. His duty as the leader of the town, as the leader of the pack, was to keep the peace. This was certainly easier said than done, but he didn’t exactly have a choice.

That’s how he found himself on their side of town on a friday night, when he could have been at the bar with his friends, or at the gym, or literally doing anything else in the world. It was his responsibility to check in with their elder, a beautiful old black woman who hadn’t aged a day since Shawn had met her as a child except for her hair that turned a stark shade of silver white. She was the most powerful witch that he’d ever come across, and one of the only ones who he had gotten the chance to truly and genuinely know and respect.

He knocked politely on the door, shoes already in hand, because she had a thing about her floors. The door opened and instead of the very tiny woman with a cane he’d been expecting, a much younger woman stood in her place. She had brilliantly dark skin with even darker eyes to match. Her hair was nearly waist length locs with a part down the side that kept a few of them covering the side of her face. He had an innate yearning to move them out of the way so that he could see her better. Her cheekbones were high and prominent on her face and she wore makeup that made her skin almost shimmer in the setting sun. She was maybe the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“You are...not Edna.” He mumbled looking her up and down.

She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes so quickly it nearly gave him whiplash. His heart squeezed softly in his chest. Wow.

“That the kind of impeccable wit that the town leader is carting around?”

“And who might I ask are you?”

“Girl, stop playing and let that boy in the house!” Edna called from somewhere inside.

He grinned slightly at her stepping into the house and passing slowly around her as she refused to move from the doorway.

Edna was sat in her same chair she always sat in when he came over. It was in her room with all of the glass windows that allowed you to see her garden in the backyard. She sat there a lot, as she was now a little too old to go out every day and tend to it the way that she used to. When he was a kid simply attending his father’s meetings, she used to do something special where she would have him pick a flower that was nowhere near bloom. With a touch of her finger she could make the flower come to life in his tiny hand. He had thought it was the coolest thing ever at the time. She still had him pick flowers every now and again.

“Ms. Edna.” He smiled quickly joining her in the chair across from hers.

“Shawn.” She nodded handing lifting gently to point to the beautiful woman who opened the door for him. “Don’t mind her none. That’s my granddaughter, Athena.”

“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” He murmured.

“You haven’t. Her mother moved far away from here when she was younger than you are now. Couldn’t handle the way this town treated her. Stopped using magic, ignored her natural born talent.” Edna sighed much to the discomfort of Athena. “Athena here is my successor. That is why I’ve had you come over tonight.”

“Successor?”

“Why yes. Boy, I am old and tired. I can’t keep helping you every time something goes bump in the night. It’s time for me to let go. Athena will have all of my powers and more. She is meant to be the strongest witch this world has ever seen.”

He peered over at her in curiosity. She was leaning her shoulder against the wall, arms still crossed. She wore tattered up jeans and an old band tee. There was this incredibly adorable rose gold hoop ring in her nose. She was gorgeous for sure. But the most powerful witch? He just wasn’t seeing it.

“What can she even do though?”

Athena poked one of her fingers out from underneath her arm and flicked it toward the bookshelf just in time to send one flying towards his head. He rubbed soothingly at his own head where there was sure to be a bump and plopped the book down on the table.

“Wonderful, the next time the town is under attack I’ll be sure to call you so you can book them to death.” He snorted.

Edna and Athena shared a look, Edna shaking her head slowly at her. It wasn’t long before Athena was rolling her eyes and leaving the room with a huff. Shawn mentally added mind reading to her list of capabilities. Oh god, I hope she didn’t hear me call her beautiful.

“I’m sure you two will get along just wonderful.” Edna snorted.

He ran his fingers through his curls and tugged in frustration.

“I don’t think she’s gonna like me much. Are you sure she’s the one?”

“Oh boy, you have no idea.”

He left the meeting with a headache, a little annoyance, and an unfortunate visual of the way the sunset had hit her skin in his mind. Ugh.

***

A few weeks go by before he sees Athena again. It’s a Saturday night and most of the pack is littered around the bar, everyone nursing drinks and having a good time. He was in a really intense game of pool with Brian when the door to the bar opened and everyone sort of froze. It’s hard to describe what a witch smells like. There’s an earthiness to it with a hint of something metallic and something that was just off. Perhaps that's why he didn’t have nearly the reaction of everyone else in the bar, because Athena didn’t smell like that to him. She didn’t smell wrong.

The bar they were at was sort of known as the wolf bar. Some of the humans from town frequented as well, but certainly there had never been a witch in the bar before. Shawn had shared that Edna was training her successor to take over, but no one had met her yet. She was so new to town, and didn’t seem to get out much. She picked a hell of a night to start.

Athena was wearing a jumpsuit that night. It was multi-colored stripes of navy blue, white, and pink, a sharp departure from her ripped jeans. She’d traded her locs for beautiful, tight curls that fell all the way down to her chin. She seemed to get a little prettier every time he saw her. Especially when she was walking up to a bar full of werewolves completely unphased. The bartender that night was Eddy, who happened to have run the bar since his dad’s days. He was more traditional than Shawn liked, and might just be the type to give her trouble.

“Shawn where are you--”

“Hold on a second.” He huffed towards Brian as he headed for the bar.

“Excuse me, I’d like a whiskey on the rocks please?” Athena asked for what must have been at least the second time.

Eddy sneered. “We don’t serve your kind here ma’am.”

“What the entire fuck do you mean, ‘my kind’?!”

“Eddy!” Shawn called alpha mode completely taking over. “Make her a fucking drink, man. Now.”

Athena turned to look at him, her eyes practically sparkling and he almost forgot his own name. She looked absolutely dazzling when she was pissed, and boy was she fucking pissed. Eddy went to make the drink leaving them to just sort of stare at each other. He wasn’t really sure what the right thing was to say here. Yea, we usually don’t serve witches here, but stick with me and I’ll get you in! That sounded fucking terrible even to him.

He placed the drink in front of her and she turned a glare on him so fierce it looked like it should’ve turned him to dust where he stood.

“So, Eddy, is it just witches that aren’t allowed here, or do you frown upon us niggers to?”

Eddy’s face turned bright red at her words. As if to make matters worse she spit into the drink while making eye contact with him and then proceeded to knock it over onto the counter before standing up to leave.

“I’d be careful if I was you Eddy. Wouldn’t want me to get my gang o’ witches to make a soup out of you now would you?”

And then she was gone. And before the door had even closed he was stumbling after her. It wasn’t even conscious. He just needed to.

“Hey! Hey, I’m sorry okay? It’s not even like that. A witch has never even tried to enter that bar since its inception.”

“It’s not like that aye? Whether it’s because I’m black, or because I’m a witch, all you white boys are the same.”

He reaches for her arm and pulls her to a stop. There’s something about her anger towards him that hurts a little bit, makes him uncomfortable. He needs it to stop.

“I do not hate you because you’re a witch. And I don’t hate you because you’re black. I don’t hate you at all, okay? You’re just a little hard to get through to. You have to know that. I’m pretty sure you’re doing it on purpose.”

She tugs out of his grip and puts more distance between the two of them.

He sighed and tried again. “Can I give you a bit of advice? Maybe don’t go terrifying the locals, if you’re gonna take Edna’s place. They need to trust you.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about the locals of this place. I hate it here, and if I had any say at all I wouldn’t even be here.” She snorted. “Any other dazzling advice?”

“Why are you so incredibly angry, huh?”

She just snorted and turned her back on him, quickly heading the way that she came. It didn’t matter how beautiful she looked, or how fucking great her cheek bones were. Shawn had come to a new startling conclusion. Athen was absolutely gorgeous. And he couldn’t fucking stand her.

***

It’s Sunday dinner. Every week his mum made him come back to the house for her famous roast, and to catch up with the family. It had been her caveat to him moving in with the pack at eighteen. They’d kept the tradition up ever since. His dad had never been prouder than when Shawn became an alpha, and had loved nothing more than handing over the next generation of pack lineage to him. He had helped him through his own transition phase, had been there for him every step of the way. A part of him had been scared that his dad might resent him for presenting as alpha so early. When the next alpha presents themself, the current one loses some of their speciality. They begin to age again, lose the abudantant strength while still maintaining the average alpha strength. Eventually his father would stop shifting, and he would just get to live out his life his mum. Shawn would continue on as alpha, at the peak of his youth until he has kids, or until a new alpha arose.

“Smells great mum.” He greeted kissing the side of her cheek as he entered the kitchen. “Got anything for me to test?”

She snorted. “No. It’s hard enough feeding you two as it is. Go help dad set the table.”

She makes enough roast for a family double their size and it just might be enough to feed them. There are potatoes and green beans and rolls. The entire house smells just like it used to when he was a kid. Sometimes he misses it. Especially times like this when he’s frustrated with the pack.

“Edna brought over her granddaughter for tea last week.” His mum notes. “What a lovely young woman.”

He snorted into his potatoes. “That’s certainly one way to describe her.”

“Oh, you don’t like the town’s latest addition?” His dad asked.

“Maybe I would if she wasn’t the biggest asshole I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Language Shawn Peter.”

He rolled his eyes. “She hates the town with a burning passion. I tried to be nice to her even, but it’s pointless. She hates werewolves. She hates me. And I’m supposed to work with her just because Edna says so? That’s ridiculous.”

“Well it’s nice to know you don’t feel strongly at all.” His dad joked.

“Seriously dad. She’s the worst. And she’s only going to cause problems. I’ve worked my ass off to keep the peace in this town, and she walked straight into Eddy’s pub, spit into a drink, and threw it all over the bar. She’s only going to mess things up.”

His dad did a hum that he used to do when Shawn was a child. That hum always meant he was in for some sort of lesson. And never one that he was particularly interested in learning.

“I’m surprised Eddy served her a drink at all. Guy’s a real traditionalist prick.”

“Language at the table guys!” His mum reminded them forcefully.

“Sorry.” They said in unison.

Shawn sighed softly and picked at his potatoes.

“He didn’t. He refused to serve her, and I had to make him do it.” He admitted. “She didn’t know if he was being racist or...witchist?”

“Ahhh, so you can imagine how someone in her position might not be too trusting of us wolves then?”

And here comes the lesson.

“I understand that. But, I stuck up for her didn’t I? I even followed her out to make sure she was alright and she practically spit in my face. If she doesn’t like my town she can get the hell out of it.”

His dad only smiled. “I get how protective you are over this town and its people. It’s was makes you such a great alpha. But I raised you to not see this town as just a place for werewolves. We haven’t been that way in a very long time. The harder you try to fight the witches, the harder time you’re going to have. We share the land now, and if she’s not feeling included here as far as I’m concerned, it's your duty to figure out why and fix it.”

“You want me to fix the rift between the werewolves and the witches? A war that has gone on for centuries?”

“What I’m saying is, you might try to be a little more empathetic. I knew her mother well, and I have a feeling her understanding of this town might be rooted in a lot of pain and a lot of hurt. We owe it to her to try and mend some of that.”

Shawn has absolutely no idea what he means by that. And he knows his dad, so he knows he’s not going to get anything else out of him. He’s on his own on this one.

***

Shawn’s in the middle of doing pull ups in the middle of the doorway to his bedroom when Jasmine and Lily come inside. They were twins, two olive toned gymnasts with bigger leg muscles than him and jet black hair they both always kept braided up. They had been on patrol last, so he figured they were just there to catch him up.

“All good?” He asked.

Jasmine poked playfully at his stomach trying to make him falter in his pull ups.

“Well, we caught wind of a witch actually. But it was about twenty miles out into the woods, and it didn’t seem threatening. Do you want us to go back out?”

He shook his head. “I could use a run anyway. I’ll check it out. Let Brian and Zeubin know just in case though.”

He hops down from his bar and tugs off his shoes, wanting as little clothes to have to worry about as possible. He heads for the garage to fully disrobe, ties his sweats to an ankle with the cord he always carried around with him, and shifts before darting out into the woods. The scent isn’t hard to pick up. He catches it about five minutes into his run. Running is definitely his favorite part of the whole wolf thing. He’s faster than his human form could ever imagine. The wind pulls through his fur, and his sight can catch just about anything that might come his way. It’s the most free he ever feels is when he’s just running through the woods. Just as soon as he picks up the scent is just as soon as he realizes that this isn’t just any witch at all.

He’d yet to figure out why Athena didn’t smell off to him. Why she smelt exactly the opposite. Her scent wasn’t sickening, in fact it reeked of warmth and sun, and something a little sweet. He slows down his running as he comes to clearing in the trees. She’s sitting on the ground, her eyes closed. At first he thought she was just meditating or something. And then the wind began to swirl around her. He felt his fur stand up straight on his back and all of a sudden the trees began to shake around the clearing. Her face grew tight with tension and concentration. The ground shook and her body lifted clear off the ground still in the crossed leg position. He watched as the dirt and leaves began to swirl along the ground as if she was creating a tornado with her mind. It reminded him aimlessly of Edna with the flowers but far, far more intense. Who the hell was this girl?

Suddenly her eyes opened and they were piercingly white, almost like lightning. It made sense because just a moment later the sky opened up to a piercing beam of lightning and a loud crack of thunder that hurt his ears. She let out a blood curdling scream before falling to the ground. The earth all around her became still as her body lie limp on the ground. He was shifting and pulling on his pants before he could even think to do anything else.

She doesn’t come to when he picks her up, and there’s a trickle of blood running down her nose. She must have over done it a bit if the scorched earth from her thunderbolt was anything to go off of.

He carries her back to the pack house in a smooth jog, making sure not to startle her too much. She still doesn’t wake up. When he begins to exit the woods, most of the pack is waiting by the sliding glass doors, easily having picked up her scent. No one else seems to think she smells good. It must just be him. Brian and Zeubin being his Betas quickly step to him as he carries her toward the house.

“What the hell is this?” Brian asked in confusion. “ What’s going on?”

“She passed out in the woods. Go find me a blanket or something. Have Lily make some of that freaky herbal tea of hers.”

“But--But she’s a witch?”

His eyes blaze red and he pauses to let Brian cower beneath the intensity of his gaze.

“And we protect all people on our fucking land, so go get the blanket Brian. That’s an order.”

He carries her into the house and skips the couch entirely to head for his bedroom. He gets her into bed and goes to wet a wash cloth while Brian gets another blanket, and Lily makes the tea. The blood under her nose had begun to dry, so he wiped softly at it to make sure she was done bleeding. Her heart rate sounded fine. Her breathing was normal. But she was completely unconscious.

When it was clear she was going to be out for a while he closed the door to his bedroom and immediately pulled all of the pack into the living room for a meeting.

“What’s going on boss, she okay?” Conner, one of the youngest of the pack asked.

Shawn nodded. “I think she’ll be fine. She was practicing some of her magic in the woods when I found her. She just over did it. We’ll let her sleep it off here and then I’ll get her back to Edna’s. In the meantime it seems we need to have a conversation about what our jobs are in this town.”

He peers over at Brian who thumbs guilty at his nose, eyes downcast.

“If I ever hear a word about one of you denying help to anyone because they’re a witch, you’ll answer to me. Got it?” He snapped.

Everyone nods and agrees quickly not wanting to anger him more than he already has been. Shawn hated being the angry alpha; it felt incredibly cliche to him. But sometimes it was the only way to get them to know he meant business.

“I know that we’ve always kept the peace by letting them do their thing over there while we do ours over here, but we’re the protectors of the town dammit. And that means everyone who occupies it. Tell me you all know that? Tell me I can trust each of you to do that.”

They all stare back at him with open and honest eyes nodding. He trusts them with his life just as they trust him with theirs. It’s the only way the pack will work. It’s the only way they can all stay safe.

He dismisses them all after going over patrol orders for the night, and grabs Lily’s tea before heading back to his room.

Athena was lying on the bed still out cold. He set the tea on the bedside table and took the cloth again to press gently to her forehead. This time when he touched her, she came to although not exactly the way that he would have liked. Her eyes burst open and she lurched forward, her hands coming out to defend herself. One second he was pressing the washcloth to her forehead and the next he was flying back into the wall and landing flat on his ass.

“Shit! Oh my god, are you okay?!”

He grunted lowly, ego taking much more of a hit than his actual body did, and got back up. It’s a good thing he healed super quickly. He had a feeling this one was going to get him into nothing but trouble.

“I’m fine. Although if this is how you thank those that help you, I might have left you in the woods.” He snorted.

Her eyes turned to slits, and just like that her resting bitch face was back.

“What do you mean? How the hell did I end up here?”

“My pack found your scent, and I came to check it out. You were doing some weird shit in the sky and then you collapsed out of nowhere. I brought you back here to let you rest.”

“Oh how kind of you.” She sneered already pulling the blanket off of her body.

“I thought it was extremely kind of me actually! Especially considering how big of an asshole you are to me on a daily basis.”

“Perhaps it wouldn’t be on a daily basis if you stopped showing up everywhere I am all the time!”

“And just what do you suppose would have happened to you if I left you there?!” He yelled back at her.

She rolled her eyes. “I would have been fine! I can protect myself and I don’t need your fucking pity, alright?!”

The alpha in him didn’t do particularly well with being challenged. Even the human part of him was pissed. She seemed to have a particular talent for making his fucking blood boil. So he could feel that part of him lurch towards the surface and his eyes turn red as she managed to make him madder than any other person he’d ever met. In that moment he hated her. Let his father’s lesson be damned.

“You are the most stuck up, evil,  self-centered witch I have ever met in my life! I should have left you there to electrocute yourself . You think you’re so fucking strong, but you’re just dense! No one can do it alone. Not even you! Has Edna taught you nothing?!”

“You shouldn’t even let her name come out of your filthy mouth! What I learn and what I do has nothing to do with you!”

She makes him angrier than he can even stand. He was a seasoned alpha at that point, had far learned to master his emotions and to reign it in when necessary. But she just kept pushing, kept digging, kept hitting at him. He had never experienced anything like it before. It’s not until he’s growling at her and he feels the familiar stretch in his bones that he realizes he’s on the cusp of shifting. He hadn’t shifted out of sheer anger since he first turned. She drove him absolutely mad.

“Get out! Get the fuck out!”

The lights flicker and her jaw is set on edge. They absolutely despise each other and nothing is ever going to change that. When he yells at her her hands come up in front of her as if she wants to choke him. Instead she wreaks havoc on his room instead. His lamp flies and smashes into the wall in a similar fashion to the way his body had earlier. All of the books on his book shelf fly off and the glass to his sliding door that leads to balcony shatters as she let’s the room have all of her frustrations. She opens the door with her mind and practically glides out of the room.

Zeubin and Brian are there waiting, peering into the room where all of his shit is destroyed. After the speech he’d given about protecting witches, reasonably they’re a bit confused as to how to proceed.

“What do we do?!” Zeubin asked peering anxiously from the hallways and back to Shawn.

“Nothing. Just--Just leave it. I’m going for a run.”

He brushes past his friends not even hesitating to shift the moment he’s outside, sweatpants bedamned. He needed to get her out of his system, to get her smell off of him. She made his blood boil. He was filled with anger and disgust and hurt. And he just had to get away.

***

*Athena’s pov*

She stormed into the house with a fury. Her heart hasn't stopped racing since she left his room. She was absolutely livid. The door slammed so hard it rattled on its hinges. And her grandmother was not having it.

“Girl! Whose door is you slamming?!” Edna called. “Come in here!”

She sighed, feet dragging as she slumped into her room. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to go back to before she had even decided to come to this stupid ass town.

Her grandmother takes one look at her and all of the anger melted from her face. She was an empath, among all her other great powers, and it meant she had an innate ability to feel and understand what she was feeling.

“Child come sit. What is going on with you?”

She crawled into her bed in defeat, head immediately falling into her lap.

“I just can’t do it mama.” She sighed. “I can’t be what you are. I can’t find any love for this place. Not after everything they did to my mom.”

There are tears of pure frustration in her eyes, and Edna reaches to tug up at her chin.

“Now wait just a second. What happened? Start at the beginning.”

“I was in the woods practicing just like you said! And I guess I...I might have over done it. I passed out. And that damn man found me.”

At this, Edna chuckles.

“Mama, it’s not funny!”

“Shawn? Shawn found you?” She asked. “Child, this whole you against the world attitude causes you nothing but strife. Please do explain to me how that man helping you caused you to slam my damn door?”

Athena rolled her eyes. “He called me evil. Self-centered. Dense. I’ve never hated someone so much in my life.”

“Girl… you are fighting the inevitable here. This is your destiny. I know it is scary, and I know it is overwhelming, but that is not going to stop it from happening. Now I want you to cry when you need to, want you to scream with all your might when you need to, but it will not change what you are to become. You are the strongest witch this land has ever seen. You will rise to power, and with that power will only come the responsibility of protecting this town and the people in it. And I am sorry to burst your bubble, but you will have to work with him to do that. It is his destiny just as it is yours. You are meant to be.”

Athena tucked her head softly into her grandmother’s arms as few tears ran down her cheeks.

“They were so awful to her, mama. She used to tell me all these stories of the way they treated her and daddy.How ugly they all were. Why should I take care of any of them. They think the same of me. It’s all the same kind of hate.”

Edna settled her fingers into her hair and detangle the strands mindlessly to soothe her.

“So much can change in a lifetime baby. I know even better than your momma how hateful these folk can be. Nothing they said to her they didn’t say to me. She just got it worse because of your daddy. But, something changed with the Mendes lineage a few centuries ago. They stopped caring about power and cared more about peace. And the result has been that with every generation they preach less and less of that hate you’re talking about. Shawn, bless him, is the kindest one I’ve ever known. Takes after his daddy. When he was a little boy, he used to keep his fangs hidden because he was afraid of scaring people. He was more interested in sitting out in my garden than rough housing. He ain’t got a hateful bone in his body. He just loves this town and he wants to take care of it.”

Athena hates when her grandmother is right. And her grandmother is always right.

“I can’t read him.” She mumbled glumly. “I can feel his emotions, but I can’t tell what they’re stemming from. I can’t tell anything. It’s so frustrating.”

“Hmmm, you could always ask him.”

She snorted. “Sure, mama. After I just went all Carrie on his room, i’m sure he’d love to sit around and braid each other’s hair and talk about boys.”

“Well, I’m sure an apology would go a long way. You’ll figure it out.”

She wasn’t so sure she would.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s at the shop when he gets the call. Couple hiking in the woods mauled by a bear. Brian and Zeubin meet him out there. The police have the crime scene taped off, but he’s let under immediately. It takes one whiff to know it’s not a bear. It’s a wolf but he doesn’t recognize the scent, which means everyone is immediately on high alert. The fact that one of them survived is good because it means they can question him. But, it only takes one look at his face when he realizes his wife is gone to know that there’s nothing good about any of this.

His name was Cole Patterson. He and his wife ran one of the general stores in town. They were good people. He grabs tightly at the man’s hand as they wheel his gurney towards the ambulance.

“We’ll find who did it Mr. Patterson. I swear to you. I’ll make it right.”

But his face is so swollen that in conjunction with the tears, he doesn’t get much of an answer. It hurts his heart. And with the sadness comes the innateness to protect, to defend. He just hated seeing others in pain. And it was his job to fix it.

“What do you want us to do?” Zeubin asked.

He took a deep breath to steady himself. “Run along to the house. Fill the others in. I want round the clock patrols starting now and want the perimeter expanded fifty miles. We’ll meet first thing in the morning and figure out our plan of attack. You see anything in the woods and you don’t attack. Go the hell home. I don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”

His betas nod before running off to follow his orders. He sticks around to gather more information from the police in the hopes that it might help the pack. He knows it’s his duty to alert the elders to the situation, so his first stop is to Edna’s, and he’s hoping and praying that the stuck up wicked witch of the west had hopped on her broomstick for the night.

It’s raining, so by the time he gets there and shifts back he’s soaked to the bone. He only has enough time to share what he knows with Edna. He needs to get back to the pack, needs to protect his people. She’s sitting on her porch in her rocking chair waiting for him, so he assumes it will be an easy meeting. How fucking stupid of him.

“So, we’ll be running patrols twenty-four seven. Do you think you could make a protection charm for the part of the woods where the attack happened. If it’s a wolf it’s probably going to return to the same place.”

For a moment she just rocks softly in her chair and peers up at him with those eyes of hers he used to be completely mesmerized by as a kid.

“I won’t be helping you this time, Shawn.” She finally murmured.

“What? What do you mean?”

“This is Athena’s time. That’s why this is happening now. It is her test to see if she can handle her powers.”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

“You have got to be kidding me! Edna, I do not have time for your granddaughter to ‘test her powers’ when my people are dying.”

She smiled at him. “They are her people too. She will help you.”

Edna wasn’t one to get angry at. Mostly because she could kick your ass with a wave of her hand. But also just the respect that she had garnered over years and years left him slightly whiny and beggy.

“Listen. She hates me. And that’s fine because now I sort of hate her too. There is no way in hell I can work with her. She hates my kind, and she hates this town. I can’t trust her to protect it. I need you, Edna.”

He’s a little desperate. The town wasn’t just full of wolves. In fact the vast majority of the town was made up of humans with a strong united pack to make sure that everyone was safe when shit went bump in the night. Especially the supernatural bumps in the night. The thing that made a good alpha was recognizing that one needed the help of his fellow pack members, and even other supernatural folks, to be at his best. He’d learned that lesson the hard way when he was younger and more cocky and stupid. But the truth of the matter was magic had kept the entire town safe for centuries now. And he wasn’t about to switch things up when lives were at stake.

He’s about to fall to his knees and just beg Edna to do the fucking charm when the door opens and out she walks. This time her hair is tied up with a scarf, dozens and dozens of tight little curls spilling out from a ponytail high up on her head. She’s in jeans again and a leather jacket and boy does he fucking wish it didn’t do anything for him. He can’t help but notice the skip of a beat in his heart that surely isn’t rage or hatred. And that’s the worst part about all of this.

“I’ll do it.” She said. “I can do it. Just show me where it’s at.”

He raised a pointed eyebrow and settled his hands on his hips.

“And I’m supposed to believe that because? Last time I saw you you told you hated this town and everything in it.”

She rolled her eyes as if he was the over dramatic one and twirled an umbrella in her fingers.

“Look I don’t have time to argue with you. Either I can make the charm and help your ass or not. It’s up to you.”

He stared at her in disbelief. And then at Edna who only smirked at him. This family was going to drive him fucking insane. No doubt about it. But he needed the damn charm.

“ Fine. But that umbrella is going to do you no good. I’m going to have to carry you.”

“Excuse me? I’ll drive.”

He felt his muscles tense and perhaps the first headache he’d had in months descend upon him too.

“It’s in the middle of the woods on a hiking trail. A car is not going to get you there. And a car can’t move as fast as me. You’re just going to have to get a little wet.”

It’s Athena’s turn to stare at her grandmother in disbelief. Her smile never shifts.

“Well you’ll just have to wait while I go cover my hair then.” she snorted.

“Excuse me?! Did you miss the part where someone died!”

“Calm down white boy. Damn. So dramatic.”

Fucking. Insane.

***

The rain makes a real mess of things. It’s muddy and dark and if he didn’t have incredible vision they’d probably be fucked. She’s surprisingly quiet throughout the entire walk and doesn’t even complain when he has to pick her up. It’d different than the last time he saw her. The energy surrounding her isn’t nearly as hostile and aggressive. In fact it kind of seems more like she’s thinking than anything else. The usual look of disgust isn’t even present on her face. Not that he’s looking at her face or anything. Because he isn’t.

So they walk and he holds her and it’s just the world of trees and greenery and rain around them. It’s ten times better than her fucking up his room and yelling at him.

“What are you thinking about?” He chanced readjusting his grip on her as he steps over a fallen tree.

She’s got a bright ass raincoat on and he’d go to the grave willingly before telling anyone that she looked cute in it. Because she doesn’t. She absolutely doesn’t.

“I can’t read you.” She mumbled from beneath her hood. “And I find it very annoying.”

“So you can read minds?”

She shook her head. “Nah boy, what am I Edward Cullen? I’m an empath. I can feel the emotions of those around me. I can usually get a really good sense of what those emotions are stemming from though. Like when mama is angry I can sense what her anger is in reference to. I slammed the door a couple of weeks back and I knew that that was what her anger stemmed from before she said anything. It gives me a really good understanding of people which is really all empaths are. When my power expand I’ll be able to infiltrate people’s feelings, make them feel what I want them too. With you though….I can sense the emotions but I never have any idea what they mean.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know. I have a sense that mama knows why but she’s not telling me for some reason.”

Edna had a history of knowing all and purposely letting you figure it out all on your own no matter how frustrating it might be. Shawn could imagine.

“Well, what am I feeling right now?”

“You feel...calm. But when you showed up at the house you were scared. You were in pain. You felt sad. Why are you calm now?”

He peered down at her as he walked. Her eyebrows were furrowed. She looked at him with genuine concern. It compelled a certain level of honesty that he never thought he would share with her.

“I feel most myself in the woods. Well besides from when I’m in wolf form anyway. I can’t really explain it. The earth and the trees and everything? It’s just always felt like home. I used to spend all my time out here even as a kid.” He explained. “It kind of helps that you’re not throwing books at my head this time around.”

Her fingers tighten slightly in his damp t-shirt.

“Yea… I uh I am sorry about how I reacted. You were just trying to help me and I was just really scared when I woke up. I--I had no idea where I was. And I was very frustrated that I wasn’t able to defend myself. Doesn’t matter. Still sorry.”

He feels incredibly tongue tied. Never in a million years would he have guessed that she would apologize let alone seem so sincere when she did it. It was like talking to a completely different person. A person he might actually be able to stand.

“I can understand that,” He spoke slowly. “I can’t imagine waking up with no idea where I am, and then my big dumb face is staring back at you. Might scare anyone.”

She laughs. And it...it nearly stops his heart. He can’t even explain the way that it makes him feel, so he hopes she can’t tell either. Whatever it is, it’s like a light. Like they’re moving through the big dark forest, but the second that she laughs the sun might as well appear. It’s like warmth and light and something pure. He’s left completely dumbfounded.

“Big, yes. Dumb, no.” She snorted. “I’ll be sure to get you a new lamp though. My bad.”

He keeps his mouth shut just in case he says anything stupid. Before he knows it, they're at the clearing to the trail where the attack took place. He lets her down off his arms and she moves to take in the scene before her. She pulls a jar out of her raincoat and walks slowly and methodically around the space sprinkling something along the ground as she whispers s beneath her breath. When she comes back to the space that she started a bright light emits from the ground and forms a circle around the space. It disappears soon after and then she puts the jar away and skips back over to him like nothing even happened.

“That’s it? It’s just safe now?”

She nods. “No evil energy will be able to penetrate it. Scouts honor.”

The thing about magic, and about witchcraft, was it wasn’t his area of expertise. All he could really do most of the time was trust that Edna was telling him the truth. And when it came to Athena, when it came to all of the things she’s said to him and yelled at him? Still all he was left with was a choice. Either he could trust her, or he could not.

“Okay.”

That was the night he decided to trust her.

He led her back down out of the woods. Instead of carrying her, they walked. In spite of how much slower it was, in spite of him having places to be, and commands to give. He walked alongside her in the woods. And he couldn’t explain what was compelling him to be alright with these circumstances. All he knew was that when she said she’d rather walk, he simply followed alongside her. And that was it.

“Can I ask you something?” She murmured arms in her big puffy raincoat and eyes completely on the ground trying to make sure she didn’t fall.

He nodded. “Sure.”

“The pain that you felt earlier? That fear? Where did it stem from?”

He lets his fingers graze her elbow to lead her over a rock so that she doesn’t trip.

“A woman died tonight.”

“Did you know her?”

“No. Not really. I mean knew of her the way that I know everyone in this town. But she was mine to protect nonetheless. I failed her tonight. And I failed her husband. And I failed all of her loved ones. The least I can do is mourn her death, don’t you think?”

She peers up at him from beneath her hood. Even in the dark he can read her eyes. Confused. Curious. It was like she was looking for something within him she couldn’t find. And he wasn’t sure what it was, or why she couldn’t find it.

“My mama...she says you don’t have a hateful bone in your body. She thinks you love this town more than anyone. Is that true?”

He chuckled softly. “I don’t know about that. I can get very angry sometimes. It’s the alpha in me. I try my best not to be hateful though. This town it...it’s all that I have. It’s all that I am. My genes, my lineage, it was all created so that I could protect all who occupy this land. I love it here. I know it’s got its problems, and I know it hasn’t always been the greatest to your family or to other witches. But I’m trying to change that. I’m trying to take care of everyone here, Athena. Not just werewolves.”

She nods softly and goes back to staring at the ground. They don’t talk for the rest of the walk, but it’s okay. They’re sort of okay.

***

“We found the scent about thirty miles west and followed it. It cuts off through the Ottawa river, and we lose it there. We tried moving to the other side, but we got nothing.” Conner explained.

“Okay. We’ll make a visit to the next pack over city limits. I’ll take Jasmine and Zeubin with me. If we find out it’s not one of theirs then we regroup and we prepare as if we’re under attack. In the meantime, we continue with round the clock patrol. I’ll meet with Edna and Athena to make them aware and ask if they can help us at all.”

Everyone nods and breaks off to their respective tasks. The town hadn’t see any trouble in quite a long time. A lot of people thought that was a testament to Shawn's leadership. He wasn’t that naive. He thought he’d just managed to get a little lucky. After All the best way to manage the way an alpha led his back was in times of difficulty not peace.  

It’s a two day trip to get there and back. He doesn’t want the neighboring pack to get scared by their presence so he only takes two of them with him. He also needs Brian back at home to watch over everyone and everything. And nothing against the kid, but he wouldn’t want to leave anyone in charge of his pack for more than two days. This was his main reason for stopping by Edna’s again. It’s definitely his only reason too.

Athena opens the door. She’s got her hair in that pineapple shaped ponytail again. The real difference this time is that she’s in a sweatshirt and leggings with no makeup on. She looks soft and warm. He completely forgets everything that he came there for. And it’s even worse because Jazmine and Zeubin were right behind him, and she’s staring at him a little bit like he’s crazy. Maybe he is.

“You were feeling fine a second ago. Determined. Now you feel overwhelmed. What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I….Uh--Sorry! I just um. I forgot what I was gonna say for a second.” He chuckled. “Can I talk to you and Edna?”

“Sure. Yea, come in.”

He catches them up on everything that he knows. Even he doesn’t notice but he spends the majority of his time talking to Athena. And she spends all of her time making eye contact with him. It’s clear to everyone in the room that something has shifted. There’s no longer a hatred in the room. It’s something different entirely. By the time they’re caught up, and it’s time to leave, he pulls her to side for a second just to check in separately.

“What’s up?” She asked softly.

“I need you to do something for me, if you wouldn’t mind?”

“What is it?”

“I just...I need you to keep an eye out while I’m gone, please? Just make sure nothing happens?”

Her eyes widened. “Me? Why not mama?”

“Because you’re supposed to be my point of contact now right?” He asked reaching for her arms. “ Don’t worry. I trust you.”

“You do?”

“I do...I haven’t quite figured out why yet. But, I do. You can feel that though can’t you?”

She scrunched her face up slightly as she peered at him in bafflement. He wondered if he could read her emotions if that would be all she ever felt towards him.

“I can. Okay I--I’ll keep an eye out.” She agreed.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He smiled at her.

“Thank you.”

*Athena’s point of view*

“You’re pacing.”

Athena rolled her eyes. “I’m not pacing I’m just thinking.”

“Well then you’re pacing and you’re thinking. Girl, what is the matter with you?”

Athena paused in her nonstop path of circles that she’d walked around her bedroom to peer at her friend. Taylor was the only friend she’d made thus far in the tiny town. And it was a hundred percent because she was black and a witch too. They had to stick together in this crazy ass town. Taylor was also born and raised in Pickering and was kind enough to give Athena background when she needed it. Although she had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to help this time around.

Taylor lied in the middle of her bed, locs long and neatly spread out across her bed, as she stared at her like she was crazy.

Athena rolled her eyes. “I’m just...I’m trying to figure out what the hell to do.”

“About?”

“Shawn asked me to look over things while he was gone. I promised. And now I have no idea how to actually do that seeing as how I have zero contact with the pack.”

“Wait wait wait...Since when did you make promises to Shawn Mendes of all people? I thought you hated his guts?”

Athena paused. “I did. I--I do! I...I don’t know!”

“I can’t believe you’ve let me sit here for over an hour watching you walk around like a crazy woman when you had tea to spill. Sit down.” Taylor exclaimed.

She doesn’t really know how to explain, or what to explain. She didn’t quite get it herself. After her talk with Edna, she had decided to head her advice if only to save herself a little frustration. She had zero intentions of trusting Shawn, or anything beyond being cordial enough to get her job done. And then she had talked to him. And he just wasn’t that fucking bad. She kept looking for signs of the rhetoric her mom used to tell her about,  a sign of anger or hate or rage in his eyes. It wasn’t there. His eyes were unbelievably kind. And everytime she read his emotions she couldn’t find any ill intent once so ever. Add on top of that his willingness to share and be open with her, when she’d been nothing but awful to him, she had found herself in a bit of a conundrum.

“I don’t know what it is Tay, I just...something in my gut is telling me he’s not bad. And mama trusts him with her whole heart. I can feel that. And he trusts me. Like really fucking trusts me. Something is telling me to trust him back.”

Her best friend squinted at her and let her legs flop aimlessly around the bed as she thought.

“And this has nothing to do with him being the hottest man this town has ever seen right?”

“W--What?!”

Taylor chortled. “I’m just saying. If that man carried my ass through the woods and made small talk, I’d trust his fine ass too!”

“I hate you. I am never talking to you about anything again.” Athena grumbled.

“Oh don’t get your panties in a bunch. I was just kidding. So, we going over there or what?”

“Tay what in the hell are you talking about?”

Athena watched as Taylor slid off the bed and walked to stand in front of her friend.

“He told you to keep an eye out on things right? You have no contact with his pack. So wouldn’t it make sense for you to go to their house and get some more information?”

“You want me to walk directly into the lion’s den after I smashed their alpha’s shit to pieces and ask them for what? The hot gossip? Girl is you out your damn mind?” Athena snorted.

“It’s the only what you’re going to get any info! And if Shawn trusts you, they don’t have a choice anyway. That shit’s like sacred. What the alpha says, goes. Kinda hot, tbh.”

Athena let her face fall into her hands. “Oh lord.”

Taylor simply laughed. “C’mon. You don’t wanna let your mans down now do you?”

“He is not my mans!”

“No of course not! I absolutely believe you.”

Athena made a mental note to get some new friends.

***

“You are going to get us killed!” Athena hissed as Taylor knocked loudly on the door.

Taylor snorted. “Girl you are the strongest witch in all the land. Let these wolves know.”

Jesus.

The person who answers the door is actually a woman with olive toned skinned and long black hair that hung loosely in a braid. She was like seven feet tall and absolutely gorgeous. Both women found themselves a little baffled at her very presence. Truly a magical specimen she was.

“Can I help you?” She asked at their dumbfounded expressions.

Athena tried to smile. “Hi. I’m Athena.”

“Yea, I know who you are. You threw my tea with your mind and broke my favorite cup.”

Great start.

“Ahh...Well I am so very sorry about that. I would happily get you a new one.” She assured her. “I’m here actually because Shawn sort of asked me to keep an eye on things while he was gone. But I don’t really know how to do that without talking to you all. And I know I’m probably not super well liked here, so I thought I might come and try and set things off on a better foot.”

The beautiful woman tilted her head and stared down at her with hazel eyes that were just the right side of threatening. They were so different from Shawn’s eyes it was almost unrecognizable to her.

“You want to help us?” She asked. “Why?”

Athen huffed a little. “Because it’s kind of my destiny. Or so I’m learning.”

Somehow, someway, she lets them in. And it’s not like a dungeon or anything. It’s just a house. The woman, Lily, was sitting on the couch watching Stranger Things and eating cereal. One of the younger ones, Connor was his name, was swiping through tinder matches and pretending to watch the show with her. There’s no attack, no name calling, no anything. And it’s so incredibly disorienting. It feels completely different than everything she ever knew. Athena wasn’t sure whether to feel elated or disappointed. She didn’t really know how to feel about it at all.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

Jasmine and Zeubin crash into the house like zombies, completely ready to fall into their beds and sleep after the long journey. Shawn on the other hand knows he has to stay on his feet just a little longer. He heads for Brian’s room first once he’s sure that the house itself is still intact. His beta and subsequent best friend was still asleep, but jolted awake as Shawn plopped down on his mattress.

“Shit, dude, I hate when you do that.” He groaned.

Shawn snorted. “Nice to see you too, bud. We’re back if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Mazel tov. Can I go back to sleep?”

“No, jackass; get up. We visited the pack. They had no clue what we were talking about. None of their wolves have gone rogue, and they have no signs of any attacks on their land. We need to be on our best defense. Now what the hell happened while I was gone?”

“Absolutely nothing. We did the round the clock patrols just like you said. Never found the scent again, or any other scent for that matter. Plus your witch friends were here, so even if they were out there they probably got scared off.” Brian snorted.

“Witch friends? What witch friends?”

He rolled his eyes and settled back into his bed. “That Athena chick brought one of her friends over here. Said you told her to keep an eye out on the place. Like you didn’t trust me or something.”

“She came here? To the house, in front of you all?”

“I thought it was pretty ballsy of her too. Lily seemed to get a kick out of her though. You could ask her.”

“Hmm...I’m going to take a nap and then I want everyone’s ass in the living room to plan at noon got it?”

“Yes dude. Please. Sleep.”

Fucking Brian.

***

*Athena’s point of view*

She’s in the woods again trying to channel her powers the way that Edna had taught her. Some days it’s easy and some days it isn’t. Today in particular had been incredibly frustrating. Athena had never worked much with her active powers. Her mother had been purposeful that way. When they moved out of Pickering, she wanted to pretend to be normal. So except for the summers when her mama came to visit, she never really got to use them. It was easy to be an empath, that happened no matter what. But, Edna had assured her that she would have powers that she couldn’t believe. She just had to practice.

And that’s where he finds her. Sitting in the middle of the forest like an idiot. She hears the  break in the leaves and immediately turns with her hands up in case she needed to defend herself.

“Hey, I come in peace!” Shawn called.

She sighed and let her hands drop.

“What are you doing here? You scared me.”

His long legs take him to her in far greater strides then he had any right to be able to do. Before she knew it he was standing in front of her.

“I’m sorry. I went to your house but Edna said I could find you here.” He smiled at her. “Long time no see.”

“It’s been two days.” She snorted. “How did things go with the other pack?”

He frowned. “Not great. It wasn’t them. The pack is making plans of defense as we speak. I just want us to be prepared. It might be nothing, but it might be something.”

“Is there anything we can do?”

He eyed her for a second, a smile still plane on his face.

“You’ve been doing a lot lately. I heard you braved the big, bad wolves while I was away.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “You all are not that tough. It was fine. No biggie.”

“You went to a place that I know you don’t like just to check in on my pack. I take that very seriously. That means a lot to me.” He told her reaching for her hands. “Thank you, Athena. I mean it.”

She peers down at his hands and then up into his eyes. She can feel the excitement in his veins, and she can feel a little confusion, and something softer...softer like endearment. It’s cloudy because he doesn’t know what it is he’s feeling, which means she can’t see it either.

“You’re welcome.” She murmured. “If i’m being honest it was a lot for me. I didn’t think they’d even open the door after the last time.”

“You’re fine. They know it’s not that simple, they understand the history. You’re allowed in that house whenever you want. Anyone ever gives you trouble they can answer to me.”

It’s a little aggressive, a little… braggadocious. Suddenly Athena gets a random flashback to Taylor’s obnoxious laughter about Shawn’s attractiveness. She bites her lip a little bit.

“Okay. I’ll make note of that.”

“So, what are you doing out here in the middle of the woods again?”

Her shoulders slumped. “Being the worst witch of all time, really.”

“I highly doubt that. You’ve kicked my ass enough times. What’s the matter?”

She groaned in frustration. “My active powers aren’t fucking activating. Mama says I just need to practice more but I’ve been practicing for hours and nothing is happening.”

“You’re probably just overthinking it. Obviously it’s different but when I was trying to shift for the first few months it was hell. I got so worked up about it and didn’t allow my instincts to just take over. You should get away from it for a while.”

“But this is all I have to do.” She whined. “It’s not like I have a job here, or any commitments. I’m just supposed to be training.”

He smiles at her again. It frustrates her. She can never understand when he gets these random bursts of happiness for no reason. It doesn’t make sense. And she can’t read him enough to determine what it is.

“C’mon.” He said reaching for her hand to tug her along.

She raised an eyebrow. “Boy, where are you taking me?”

“To fucking relax. You’re gonna give yourself a stroke before you turn thirty at this rate.”

“And what makes you think I want to relax with you?”

He turned back around to her, hands still pulling her with him as he walked backwards with the cockiest grin on his face. There’s no reason it should’ve made her heart react the way it did. No reason at all.

“You haven’t sent me flying yet, that’s why.”

He took her to a diner that she’d never been to before. Apparently he was a regular though because the entire place greets him when they walk in. He’s even got his own booth. It’s ridiculous. She went to take her jacket off and he was suddenly right behind her tugging at the shoulders of the jacket to help her out of it. From anyone else it would’ve caused indifference at best, and annoyance at worst. So, why in the world does she smile? And why in the hell is he being so nice to her in the first place? Why does she have zero interest in hating him anymore?

“This place has the best mac and cheese in the whole damn country. I’m sure of it. You must try it.” He said pointing the dish out on the menu.

She rolled her eyes. “What do you know about some mac and cheese, white boy?”

“I’m a white boy with the stomach of a wolf. You’ll love it. Trust me.”

And that’s the most ridiculous part of all of this. She does trust him. Almost endlessly so. Maybe not in his ability to determine what some good ass mac tasted like, but with just about everything else. She doesn’t realize until he’s telling her a story of him confronting his childhood bully after he presented as an alpha, that she’s completely forgotten about her powers. Hell she’d forgotten about being a witch entirely. And if the wolf part hadn’t been central to his story, she wasn’t so sure she would’ve thought about that either. For the first time since she’d entered that town it wasn’t about magic, it wasn’t about the greater good, or her “destiny”. He was just treating her like a person. Like a friend even.

“So you just straight up attacked his ass, aye?” She snorted.

He laughed. “I wouldn’t say attack. I would say...spook. I spooked him a little bit. Hey, I went from this lanky unpopular kid who hung out in gardens and shit to complete lean muscle in a summer. Jackass had it coming for how often he used to make fun of me.”

“Poor baby.”

“Yea, well I’m doing just fine nowadays, if you hadn’t noticed.” He pointed out waving a hand over his general physique.

Her eyes widened. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Oh come on! Yes you have.”

She reached for her glass to take a slow, deliberate sip of her drink.

“Was there something to notice?” She asked.

“Ouch, Athena. That hurt.” He pouted.

She giggled quietly to herself and he smiled another smile at her.

The food arrives and Shawn has three plates to her one. Something about needing to stay strong and full just so she could not notice. The mac and cheese is shockingly good. Athena peers towards the back to see if there’s a black person back there cooking. The diner is cosy and warm as it starts to rain outside and he keeps making her laugh with a startlingly ease. It feels nice. So nice.

“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” He said as you both worked on finishing your meals.

Athena shrugged. “Shoot.”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want. I was just curious...what exactly happened that made you hate it here so much? I’ll believe you no matter what it is, I just thought I’d ask.”

It stuns her for a moment. She hadn’t even told Taylor about her past with the town. She just assumed Athena hated wolves just because she was a witch. No one but her and her mama really knew what happened. What this town had been like. And even then she had only heard the stories, had never actually been there for it. It’s a story she never quite felt like sharing. But, she can feel his earnestness, can feel the sincerity and the willingness to listen in him. He’s feeling confident, and more than that he’s feeling vulnerable. It’s hard to not let his emotions bleed into her own.

“My momma grew up here.” She whispered peering down at her plate. “She lived here her whole life. And i guess the feud between the witches and the wolves was supposedly a lot better at that point. It would’ve been when your dad was alpha. My dad… he was a beta.”

“Wait...You’re part wolf?”

She nodded. “I guess technically. It never presented in me that way though. But my dad, he fell in love with my mom. They were mates.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yea. It was just about as unheard of as it is now. But they couldn’t help it. They were in love with each other. And when the town found out that a wolf was with a witch? All of that peace treaty shit went straight out the window. She--She couldn’t even leave the house. They would scream the most awful things at her. She wasn’t allowed on his side of town or the locals would throw things at her. I guess my dad would come visit her, but the witches weren’t fond of his kind either. It was awful. She can’t even talk about it to this day without crying. When she got pregnant with me, that was the final straw. She left town and she’s never come back. She’s never forgiven this town for what it took from her.”

Her knee bounces sporadically beneath the table. She doesn’t notice until Shawn covers it with his palm to get her to stop.

“Your dad. What happened to your dad?” He asked.

“He...He stayed here at first. You can’t just leave the pack without there being grave consequences.But the pain of being away from your mate is insufferable. They were literally designed for each other. Apparently he ended up leaving the pack anyway, but the damage had already been done. No one’s heard from him since.”

“Shit. Shit. Athena that--that’s so horrible. Honey, I can’t even...I’m so sorry.”

Sometimes she liked to focus on the emotions of others because it meant she didn’t have to think about herself. It’s made easier when he places his hand on her knee. It’s like his emotions are screaming at her. There’s a sadness. An empathy that feels like it’s wrapping itself around her in a thick smoke. And then there’s a guilt, which throws her completely for a loop.

“You feel guilty. Why?”

He frowned. “Are you kidding me,I was such a dick to you. It never even occurred to me to get your side, to ask you what you've been through. Even when my dad told me to. I should have listened. I should have asked you sooner. I--I’m so sorry. No one deserves to experience that. No wonder you hate it here.”

The sincerity to it all baffles her further. She never could have expected that Shawn would show her this kindness. She didn’t even know wolves were capable of showing someone like her that kindness. His hand is still on her thigh and it’s so warm. This town had felt cold to her for so long, had represented nothing but it. And yet he was here, right in front of her, continuously destroying her expectations.

“Well it...it hasn’t been so bad lately.” She mumbled. “But I uh I’m still trying to learn how to feel like I belong here. And maybe now you can see why that’s been a little more difficult to me. It doesn’t excuse my anger towards you, and I’m still truly sorry about it. I just hope you’ll see that I’m trying.”

“Of course. Hey, of course I do. I’m just glad we’ve gotten to start off on a better foot. You do belong here, Athena. We’re just lucky to have you. I hope you can see that.” he murmured.

His eyes are as warm as his hand, so when he removes his grip from her knee, it doesn’t feel as devastating. She bites her lip to ground herself in the moment, to not be so in her own head, to just say how she really feels.

“I never thought I could feel safe here.” She admitted. “You gave me that. So, thank you.”

“You are always safe here with me, Athena. Always.”

She trusts him then too.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He still meets with his dad to discuss pack issues. He liked knowing that there was a wealth of knowledge that he didn’t necessarily have, but could always tap into. His dad had never led him astray before. So when another hiker goes missing, and they can’t even find the body, he goes to him immediately. Something has to be done. And it has to be the right something because his town’s safety is at stake.

“I don’t know what it is, dad. This whole thing just feels off. It’s too calculated to be a random incident.” He huffed for the umpeenth time.

“What do you mean, what is it?”

“It’s like...it’s like they’re fucking with the line. First we happen to be able to track their scent all the way to the county line, and it just happens to cut off at the river where our territory ends? And then this time they get someone on the trail that is just outside our reach and the scent cuts off again. What are the fuckin’ chances?”

His dad nods. “It’s definitely weird for sure. I want you to trust your gut. All you can do is prepare and be defensive though. If you think a curfew is necessary to keep people out of the woods, then I’m sure sargent Farah would listen to you.”

“But it is weird right? Did anything like this ever happen when you were running the pack?”

“Not exactly. We had a lot more problems with our own fighting each other than others looking to attack.” He sighed.

It reminds him of his lunch with Athena. He could still feel the sadness in his eyes when she told him the story. He could also still see the way he made her laugh when they got ice cream afterwards and he immediately dropped his on the ground. He could feel the flutter it caused in his stomach. And he had no fucking clue what to do about it.

“Yea I uh...Athena finally told me what happened with her mom and dad here. Were you close to the situation?”

Manny shook his head softly. “It was a terrible situation. The worst I ever felt as pack leader. I couldn’t control anything that was happening. Not the humans, not the wolves, not the witches. Everyone was just livid over it. I was close enough to try to convince her father to leave. Being without one’s mate can cause you to go feral. Then again so can leaving your pack. When he left us, I wasn’t sure what to do. I can only hope that he’s okay.”

He plays with one of the rings on his finger to keep him busy as he hedges his next question.

“Were they really mates? Can a wolf and a witch mate?”

“Yea. It’s rare. Very rare. But, it can happen.”

He nodded softly. “Do they always end like that?”

“No, of course not. A wolf and a witch mating is just like any other mates. It’s intense of course, but it’s ultimately lovely.”

When he looks up his dad is giving him that look that says he sees right through him. It was always like his dad to know him better than he knew himself.

“You wanna ask something.” Manny guessed. “Just go ahead and ask it.”

He shrugged. “I guess I was curious what it felt like with you and mom. How did you know you two were mates and not just...attracted to each other or something.”

“I’ll be honest. I didn’t actually know at first. You hear those stories about first meeting and it being instantaneous, but it isn’t really. It’s a lot like falling in love for the first time. I saw her and I was tongue tied. I thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I didn’t find out we were mates until her mother passed.”

“How come?”

“When you’re a mated pair eventually your emotions become linked in a way. Specifically pain. Physical. Mental. There’s a catalyst that sparks it. That’s when you’ll know. It’ll probably be the most painful thing you’ll ever go through. The good news is it’ll come with a lot of beauty afterwards.”

He looked back down and shook his head.

“I was just asking. Not like I’m gonna be mated anytime soon. Got the pack to think about.” He mumbled.

“Sure thing kiddo, sure thing.”

***

Traveling with non-wolves is always a pain in the ass. They can’t move as fast, and even if he shifted to be able to carry them, there was no way to communicate. He usually hated it, hated anything that limited his ability to move and be free. Somehow he doesn’t hate this, and that just confuses him the way that everything has lately.

Part of the defense plan for the town was to visit all of the cut off parts of their territory and set up some charms and general hocus pocus shit to hopefully help figure out what the hell was trying to invade his town. Obviously Edna wasn’t quite up for day long journeys anymore. So, it was just him and Athena. It hadn’t even occurred to him to invite anyone else from the pack along, he just told them he needed everyone at home in case something happened. But a part of him, and that part was growing every time she tripped over everything she came across and immediately refuse to let him carry her, knew why he didn’t want anyone else around.

They were friends now. Like actual, genuine, friends. And he kind of loved it. She was so fucking funny and wicked smart. She never took any of his shit and spent most of her time making fun of him. Her sense of humor was inappropriate as hell. He loved every bit of it. That within itself wasn’t a problem. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with their friendship. The problem came when she would laugh and his heart would skip a beat. The problem was every time she complained about the outdoors and it didn’t irritate him at all, it only made him feel softer. The problem was that he had deep, genuine feelings for her and there seemed to be no getting around them.

They camped out in the woods right off of one of the hiking trails because Athena couldn’t do the walking for twenty-four hours straight that he could. She had made a fire with nothing but her hands, her ability to manipulate the elements coming very much in handy. She sat there next to the fire in an oversized sweatshirt pulled over her knees, and it just hurt to stare at her. He kept trying to keep his thoughts under control around her only for her to stare up at him with those soft lips, those beautiful eyes. And he was just meant to not notice at all?

“I wanna ask you something.” She hummed at him after they’d finished their dinner of fire roasted pizza.

His whole body locked up.

“Y--yea? What’s that?”

“Do you think you’ve ever been in love before?”

Shit.

His cheeks heated immediately and it had nothing to do with the fire. He couldn’t make eye contact and he knew his heart was racing in his chest. Even he could read the nerves coming off of him in waves. It must’ve been easy for her to read.

“Love? I--I’m not sure. I’ve had really great, really important relationships before. I’ve told a few women that I loved them. But, I usually reserve the concept of being in love with, what my parents have and I’ve definitely never had that before.”

She smiled at him. His heart rate increased.

“I met them when mama introduced us. They are very complex beings emotions wise. I could read them so easily. They felt so many things at once: comfort, sincerness, kindness, all of that. But no matter what they were saying, there was always an undercurrent of love. They felt it for each other endlessly and relentlessly. I thought it was really beautiful.”

He nodded softly, happy that he could at least be open and honest with this, could let his emotions run wild with what he’d grown up around.

“It is. They’ve known each other since they were twenty. My dad went on a trip to London because he was twenty and dumb and thought that a werewolf in london was too good an irony to pass up. He met her the first day,and they spent his whole trip there together. When it was time for him to leave, he begged her to come to Pickering with him. She told him was crazy. He told her he’d convinced her. Again, she told him he was crazy. I was born a year later.” He smirked.

It has the intended effect that that story always gave. She cooes and aww’s and smiles, and he just wants to kiss her already.

“Well that’s sweet as shit. You’ve got some big shoes to fill, Mendes.”

He scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Haha. Funny. Why do you ask anyway?”

This time it’s her turn to give the deer caught in the headlights look. Her habits are a bit different than his, but he’s been spending so much time with her lately that they all sort of click for him. Her knee bounces at an abnormal rate. She hides her hands away, this time in the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She peers down at the ground and then back up at him from beneath these eyelashes that cause him nothing but trouble.

“No reason. I was just curious.”

“Okay. Have you ever been in love before?” He asked.

She shook her head softly. “I thought I was before. I’ve loved a lot people who didn’t really love me back. But, that soft shit your parents have? I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.”

“Well, why not?” He pushed, almost stubbornly. “Everyone’s worthy of love, Athena.”

“I know. I know that, but that stuff you only read about, that’s a one in a million chance type stuff, Shawn. I’m not losing sleep over it. I don’t need some earth defying romance. I’ll be okay.” She snorted.

“Yea, alright. Sure. I’m gonna...go get more firewood.”

He hopped up from his seat moving to put distance between the two of them. She gave him a strange look but he didn’t stay long enough for her to ask questions.

*No one’s point of view*

Shawn flicks off to the forest to pull at branches and thinking stubbornly about his emotions. Meanwhile Athena sets up their sleeping bags in the tent and struggles to get comfortable. She spends a long while thinking about the look on Shawn’s face. He had felt frustrated, fed up. Hurt even. And she didn’t know why. She never knew why, and it was driving her slowly insane. She liked him. Why the hell did she like him so much? And why wasn’t he like everyone else, why couldn’t she read whether he liked her back?

She kept catching glimpses of things that made her think it might be possible. A rush of warmth in his belly. Utter elation and happiness when they were together. But it always felt circumstantial. They’d be doing something he loved, or just having fun in general. And to be honest Shawn was such a happy go lucky guy in general, he seemed to be the type to say I love you to a really good burger. It never felt like enough. And it wasn’t like she ever caught him feeling love. He was so stupid. This is so stupid.

God she was so stupid, Shawn thought. Women. Oh how he missed the days where girls had cooties and he could just play on the monkey bars. Back when things made sense! Here he was, heart on his sleeve, pining after this woman and she didn’t even want him. And how fucking dumb was he to think that they could possibly, in some universe, actually be mates? Of course they weren’t. Just because she didn’t hate his guts all of a sudden didn’t mean she was gonna fall in love with him.

The wind starts to pick up and he feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up like a storm might be on the horizon. So, he heads back to the campsite in case Athena gets cold as the temperature begins to drop. He’s still a wounded.

Neither of them speak as Shawn crawls into the tent. He tugs off his shirt and tosses it besides his sleeping back as he crawls inside. Athena rolls her eyes at the ceiling. What reason was there possibly to take off one’s shirt in this cold ass weather. It was like he was teasing her at this point. Shawn laid on his back, arm tucked behind his head as he peered over at the girl who hadn’t left his heart alone since he’d met her.

“Are you okay? It gets cold up here at night.” He whispered.

She bit awkwardly at the inside of her cheek. “No. I’m freezing.”

He sighed. “That’s my bad. I should’ve warned you about that. Here, come here.”

She peered over at the boy who hadn’t left her heart alone since she’d met him.

“Excuse me?”

I’m like a hundred and two degrees on a slow day. I’ll keep you warm. You won’t even need the sleeping bag.”

It was a total recipe for disaster. Snuggle up with the guy she most definitely had feelings for? But it was cold. And Athena didn’t do cold. She thrived in straight tropical temperatures, and had somehow ended up in canada. It was a travesty really.

“Are you sure?” She mumbled, fingers peeking out hesitantly from her blanket.

“Of course, I am. I wouldn’t leave you to freeze. C’mere.”

It’s the closest they’ve been since he found her unconscious in the woods. She settles herself on top of him, or at least she tries. There’s an awkwardness as neither of them quite know how to move their bodies with each other. She doesn’t want to smother him, and he can’t quite tell her that he’d happily die that way if given the option, so all he can do is tug at her hips until she falls gracelessly against him.

She groans softly. “Christ, you’re warm.”

“Told you.” He mumbled tucking one of her curls out of her face.

She peered up at him from his chest and they’d never had their faces that close together before. She smelled like campfire and sandalwood and something sweet. He smelled like campfire and musk and something warm.

“You are so odd, Shawn Mendes.”

He chuckled fingers diving in to play with another curl.

“Why is that?”

“You storm off into the woods like some moody teeanger because I don’t see any showstopping romance coming my way? And then you just crawl in here with your dumb doe eyes and your dumb six pack and start playing with my hair? Why? Why are you this way?” She ranted.

“I’m a moody teenager? You’re absolutely oblivious! Oblivious, do you know that? Your cheek bones are dumb.” He huffed taking her face in his hand and caressing her bottom  lip with his thumb. “And your full lips are dumb. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

It provides a clarity that rocks her to her very toes. It’s like he had been purposely keeping just enough puzzle pieces to himself so that she couldn’t see the picture. Suddenly she could see it with startling clear eyes. The warmth in his stomach. The adoration and all of the nerves. They were all for her. All of it.

She feels his determination before she feels his kiss. But oh does she love his kiss. His lips are warm against her cold ones, soft but firm. She can feel her jaw tense against the palm of his hand as he curves it against her cheek. His other hand smoothed down to her back and beneath her sweatshirt, tangling in the fabric until she felt his touch on the small of her back searing and hot. Suddenly it feels like she’s breathing for the first time. Like simultaneously he’s breathing life right into her lungs while it also feels like he’s taking it all away. She’d happily give it all away.

Kissing her feels like sunshine. It feels like warmth and softness and cocoa butter. It feels like something to get lost in, something that has no use in fighting because it could so easily overpower him. Her lips completely capture his own, and he doesn’t feel like he’s in charge even though he’s the one who kissed her. He feels like his heart is exploding and beating a new all at once. He knows it then. Without the need for any pain, or folklore, or history book. She’s completely and utterly his everything right there. It’s instantaneous. It’s immediate. It’s all consuming. And he’s not fighting it once so ever.

“Why the hell did you make me wait that long?” He growled nipping his way down to her throat.

She moaned and it made his hips buck beneath her.

“I--I couldn’t read how you felt. And it scared me. F--Fuck your teeth are sharp.”

He immediately retracts his mouth peering down at her with nervous eyes, all of his confidence vanishing. It reminded her of the story her mama had told her of not wanting to scare people with his fangs as a child.

“No, good sharp Shawn. Very good sharp.” She assured him and tugged him in again.

“Are you sure? Are you sure you want this?” He mumbled rubbing his nose against hers.

“I’m sure. Come here. Please.”

She doesn’t go to bed cold that night.

***

*Athena’s point of view*

The next morning is full of loaded glances and awkward smiles. He turns his back respectively as she pulls on a new shirt for the hike back down. He catches her staring when he goes to do the same. She pretends that her cheeks don’t warm when he catches her, and thanks god for the melanin. They pack up their camp and prepare to leave. The first time, for what are sure to be many, she trips over a rock he finds the guts to hold her hand. His fingers are warm intertwined with hers, and it feels so fucking high school and so overhwelming and perfect all at once.

“Why don’t you just...let me lead you down this time, aye? Don’t want you getting hurt.”

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay, big guy. I’ll let you protect me, if it makes you feel better.”

“The sooner you recognize that all those powers of yours will do you know good the second you hit yourself in the head with a rock and bludgeon yourself, the better. There are somethings I can do better than you ya know?” He taunted.

“I’m a little clumsy, so what? I’m supposed to have you carry me down the mountain in your big strong arms?”

He grinned. “If you want, honey. Just say the word.”

Dumb. So dumb.

They scale down the rest of the path together in search of her car with their fingers intertwined. Her mind is still a little blown. She ran her fingers over neck where his five o’clock shadow had rubbed her. She could still feel where his teeth had nipped at her jaw, and the way her thighs tightened. More than anything she could feel the way her stomach had felt like it was floating. How he had made her feel light and open and happy. God.

At the car, they stuff her trunk full, and when he closes it he wastes zero time pressing her gently into the side. She didn’t know she could miss the feel of his hips against hers until she had it again.

“Could I uh drive home with you? I’ll shift and run home from there.” He whispered.

She smiled softly. “How come you wanna come home with me?”

He rolled his eyes and rolled his neck playfully before hiding a chuckle into her neck. It feels so good to be with him in this way.

“I don’t wanna say goodbye yet, okay? I’m just not ready.” He admitted. “Is that okay?”

“Me neither.” She tells him quietly. “Please come with me.”

“Yea? Can I kiss you again first?”

“I think I’d be insulted if you didn’t.”

God they were so dumb.

The drive home is spent listening to the radio and holding hands on the center console. It’s easy. So incredibly easy after all the time they spent fighting and disliking each other. She doesn’t have to be afraid anymore. It’s like a huge weight off her chest, and all that she’s left with is this thing that is new and exciting and comforting. He sings in her ear and it makes her heart feel warm. He just is there and it’s so intoxicating. She doesn’t know how to contain herself. She doesn’t want to let it go.

“I think you should let me take you out.” He murmured.

She peered over at him from the road with a playful grin on her face.

“Yea? Where are you gonna take me? The diner?”

“Noooo. Girl, I’ve got moves you haven’t even seen yet. Things you can’t even imagine!”

Athena found this to be particularly funny. Shawn did not.

“Moves! You’ve got moves, aye?!”

“Keep on laughing at me and you will get none of this loving, do you hear me? None of it.”

She keeps laughing, peering from the road to the face of this adorable ass idiot. One second it’s just them and the road and everything is fine. The next, she peers back from his face to the road and there’s something there.

“Shit!”

She slammed on the break, jerking the wheel to the left to avoid the blur of brown moving into the road. Shawn’s arm is suddenly there across her stomach like a shield as they spin out against the road. Her heart slams just as aggressively against her sternum, and she gasps as her fingers lock against the steering wheel. The car jerks again until stopping in the middle of the road.

“What the hell was that?!” She screamed, dazed and confused.

“That was a wolf. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He asked reaching across the console to touch her face.

She nodded hesitantly. “I’m okay. I’m alright.”

“Okay. Just wait here. I’ll be right back!”

“Shawn, wait--”

He threw himself for the car peering over at the space where the animal had been. He was only out there for a few moments before he began tugging his shirt off in the middle of the road and running back to your car.

“It’s the scent! It’s the fucking wolf that’s been terrorizing the town. I’m gonna go after it. Drive back to my place. Tell whoever is there. I’m gonna follow it.”

“W--Wait. Shawn, you don’t even know who that is. Maybe we should just drive back together!”

He shook his head. “Sweetheart, we can’t risk it. I’m gonna be fine. Listen to me, okay? I’ll be fine. Just go.”

“But...But Shawn!”

“Go!”

Her nerves are absolutely frazzled the rest of the drive back. She can’t stop thinking about what the hell Shawn could possibly be doing. And sure, he was an alpha; he was the alpha, but that didn’t mean he had any clue what he was up against. Whoever or whatever was out there had been masterly avoiding them for weeks. Now, all of a sudden they just plop straight in the middle of the road in front of them? What the hell were the chances of that?

She gets back to his house somehow without crashing and is barely out of the car before people are greeting her outside. It’s Brian, Jasmine, Connor, Zeubin, and Lily all having heard her tires screeching on the asphalt.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Shawn?” Brian asks.

She points out into the woods where she’s fucking hoping they can hear them and tries to explains without passing out. But, her heart is hammering in her chest, and something is telling her that this isn’t right. It doesn’t feel right.

“Okay. Jasmine, Zeubin, and Lily with me. Connor you stay here with Athena. We’ll go make sure everything is okay.” Brian ordered.

“Excuse me? Fuck that. I’m going too!” Athena challenged.

Brian’s eyes flashed gold, a sign of his betaness and general assholerly.

“You will stay here. All you’ll do is get in the way.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m more powerful than you. That is a fact. And I’m not sitting here like a fucking limp rag while you go out and defeat the bad guys. It’s my town to protect too. Now stop fucking arguing with me and let’s go!”

Everyone peers between the two of them, no doubt trying to figure out who has the higher rank, Shawn’s right hand man in the pack, or the most powerful witch in the town. She’s not interested in the time it’s going to take them to figure it out though, so she stalks off into the woods until everyone else follows.

“You can’t just go walking there! You’ll slow us down. You can climb on my back when I shift and I’ll take you.” Connor offers.

She smiles at him. And they say maturity comes with age. Not always.

The rest of them must decide for themselves that she’s not taking no for an answer, because they all spring into action. She watches them shift and it’s a little more unsettling than she cared to admit. Suddenly she’s surrounded on all sides by wolves that are taller than her head on all fours. Except for Connor who quickly barks and kneels down in front of her. The kid standing before her just minutes ago could have never taken all of her weight on his back. Now, she feels tiny climbing to nestle herself in his fur. Her fingers dig into his fur for something to grab onto. He barks at her and at first she thinks she hold on too tight, but as soon as he begins to move she realizes he’s asking her to grab tighter.

As a group they all tear into the woods. She keeps her face hidden in Connor’s fur to ignore the blur of trees that was sure to give her whiplash. Athena can only imagine that everyone is running based off of smell, of Shawn’s scent. She on the other hand is going strictly off fee. Something had changed the moment he kissed her. She could send him even now, even while they were apart. At her prime that wasn’t something that she could do with other people. Maybe a few feet away, but nothing this great of a distance. She could feel every emotion going on inside of him and they were miles apart. It didn’t make any sense.

Just fucking wait for me, she thought to herself. She can feel his confidence, tilting a little over the edge of cockiness. There’s this straight edge focus that comes with being the alpha, along with this crippling need to protect. The wildest thing about it all is that underneath all of those emotions, she can feel love. She knows that it’s love because it’s almost like a color in her mind. A brightness that shines through all of the other emotions running through him like a current. Only now, his emotions are no longer hidden from her. She can see what’s behind them. And it’s her. He’s thinking of her even now, even in the middle of a fight. And he’s thinking of her with love.

And that’s when it happens. One second she feels elated, overcome with emotion. And the next she’s in pain. Like heart stopping, blood curdling pain. Hers fingers lock down on Connor’s fur and she lets loose a scream that rips through her chest and out into the world. It’s the most painful thing she’s ever felt in her life. It feels like a hole is being punched through her chest, like someone is trying to rip her heart out. Tears pour hot and fresh from her eyes and she nearly loses herself on Connor’s back. She only knows that it’s not her because she feels that she’s linked to him, tethered so tightly that the bond between them feels taunt enough to snap. It’s him. He’s in pain.

“SHAWN! SHAWN IS IN TROUBLE!” You sobbed.

There’s a chorus of whimpers amidst the whooshing of the air against the trees. And then suddenly they’re all moving faster. The closer she gets to him the more his pain resonates within her And the more it does the more she begins to feel hot. The pain is searing and it’s bone deep, with a heat that begins to boil in her gut alongside it.

They make it through the woods and into the clearing and she practically tumbles off of Connor and onto the grass.

He’s there. She can tell it’s Shawn because of the shade of his fur, a chestnut brown close to his own hair color. The pain now is rippling hot in her. There’s another wolf on top of him that seems to take a bite out of his shoulder. Shawn lets out a wild bark that leaves her crying into the dirt. The other wolves run to intervene, but the wolf on top of Shawn is massive. And it looks nothing like everyone else. It’s hair is dark and matted. And its eyes are a sickly yellow color. When it bares its fangs, its teeth are sharp and yellow and huge, and Athena realizes where she had seen an image like it before. In one of the books her grandmother had shared with her for her training. That wolf was feral.

The wolf sinks its teeth into Shawn again before, Brian and Lily run head first to pull him off. As the others engage in battle, Shawn is left whimpering with these sad little mewels. It’s bad, she knows enough to know that it’s bad, can feel enough to know it’s bad. Her fingers dig into the dirt as she pressed her forehead into the earth and took a deep breath. There was a need for her to make it all better somehow. She felt a raw energy that was trying to climb it’s way out of her. One second she was just feeling all of Shawn’s pain and the next she just made a decision to end it.She works to visualize it in her mind, an outline that surrounds him on all sides in bright red. It’s just as unwavering as she could imagine, and it took so much out of her to even reach out and took it. She gritted her teeth and tug deep into the ground as she flexed a power that she’d never used before. Shawn’s whimpers died down almost immediately, and instead it was her who was left panting on the ground from the exertion.

When she came to, Connor was kneeled before Shawn nuzzling his head against the much larger wolf in an attempt to keep him company. But the other wolves were in the thick of a fight and it didn’t look like it was going well. The feral wolf was bigger than all of them, just smaller than Shawn, but more aggressive and less calculated. It was all brute force. Everytime one would launch themselves at it, the wolf would just slam them back. It didn’t look like it was three on one at all. Her connection to Shawn is now two fold. She can feel the anxiety and the fear for his pack, which translate into her own fierce need to protect. When the feral wolf throws Brian so hard into a tree that it snaps and falls over, Shawn howls and struggles to his feet. He can’t put any weight on his legs though and quickly falls over. All that he can do is bark and howl, and the frustration of this is enough to leave her feeling like she must do something.

She loses herself in it so quickly. Consciousness slips and all that she can feel is the power radiating from her fingertips. The air around them stills. The trees go silent. Her body ascends from the ground as the earth begins to shake from beneath her wrath. The wind that was nonexistent before comes roaring back, and her chest gets this odd sense of calmness before she lets lose another shocking scream as she directs all of her energy, all of her magic, all of everything that she is directly at the wolf. And then it all goes black.

***

Her head hurt like a bitch. That was the first thing she remembered. Her eyes fluttered open and the light in the room was so bright that she decided to just close them again. It felt like a long time before she opened her eyes again. This time when she did it was her mama standing over her with a washcloth pressed to her head. It was the washcloth that made her think of Shawn, and she immediately went to sit up only to get a whoosh of vertigo that sent her right back down to the bed.

“Lay back, girl. You’re exhausted.” She murmured pressing the cloth to her forehead again.

“Shawn, mama. W--Where is he?” Athena whimpered.

Edna rolled her eyes. “He is taking up all the space on my perfectly good couch. Something about not being able to be away from you. I take it you two finally figured out your mates then?”

“Mates?!”

“Woops.” She chuckled. “You’re mates, alright? All that frustration you were feeling, all that anger? Probably had more to do with the fact that you were fighting some very inevitable feelings than anything else. I meant it when I said it was your destiny.”

“But...But, if you knew we were mates why didn’t you just say something?”

“Because where’s the fun in that?” She snorted. “I can’t tell you nothing Athena. You have to learn your own way, and from what I hear about your little stunt in the woods, it worked.”

“What happened? I can’t remember any of it.”

“You got your active powers that’s what happened. You were able to manipulate the elements to basically create a giant tornado that knocked enough space between all of them. You saved their lives, child.”

“Me? I did?”

“Mhm. My baby.” She grinned playing with the blankets that were tucked around her. “There’s something I need to tell you though.”

“Okay, what is it?”

Edna sighed. “That wolf that attacked you all, the wolf that was responsible for the killings? That wolf was your daddy.”

“W--What? But you said...you said he ran away after my mom left town.”

“And he did. But remember when I taught you about feral wolves? The consequences for leaving one’s pack, for going without one’s mate, can lead to it. H--He wasn’t even himself anymore, baby. He hadn’t been in his human form for years and years. He probably didn’t even know what he was doing; he just felt pulled to this place because of everything that happened here.” She explained.

Athena picked anxiously at her blanket, eyes welling up against her will.

“Did I . . . Was it me?” She whispered.

Edna quickly leaned over and gathered her granddaughter up in her arms as the sobs began to rock her body jerkily.

“Shhhh. It wasn’t you, sweetheart. I swear.”

It felt weird to get emotional over a man she had never met. Her mother had only spoken good things about him when she was growing up, even though he hadn’t been able to come with her. She had only even seen him in pictures. Even as a child she’d been able to feel the love her mother had for him. As an empath it was her first glimpse at what that kind of love could feel like. And somehow she couldn’t help but feel like she’d played some sort of hand in taking it away.

There’s a knock on the door a few minutes into her crying spell. And it is amazing how instantly she can feel him there, on the other side of the door. In her heart she knows he’s there for her, just as the need back in the woods had consumed her to be there for him.

“You want me to let him in?”

She sniffled and nodded allowing her grandmother to kiss her forehead before she got out of the bed.

The door opens and the second she hears his voice, her heart calms.

“H--hey I’m sorry, I just couldn’t--”

He peers over Edna’s head and makes eye contact with Athena. He sees her tears and has to stop himself from moving around Edna. She can feel that

“Hi. Can I please come in?”

It’s a request for him just as much as it is for her. He needs her to feel better, because it’s the only way either of them are gonna feel better.

Edna left the two of them alone and he immediately crawled into bed beside her. When he took her into his arms it was immediate relief. Her face took refuge in his neck as the tears burned her eyes but he was there. There was so much to talk about, so much to learn. But, for now, this is all that they have and it’s all that they need. Just the comfort of each other. Nothing else.

***

Six months later

*Shawn’s point of view*

“We are going to be late.” She giggled.

“Mmm...just a few more minutes, baby please?”

His lips traced lines along her neck and trailed up and down her cleavage. This was his happy place. His oasis. His heaven even. Why on earth would he ever leave?

“You know I hate making your mother wait.” Athena whined while still arching her back to push her chest closer to his mouth.

“Mhm. Of course.”

“You know I can feel when you’re lying right?”

“Stop using my emotions against me! It’s not fair.” He grunted teeth finding a new patch of skin to latch onto.

They were thirty minutes late to Sunday dinner. It wouldn’t have been a problem if his shirt hadn’t been buttoned wrong, and his dad hadn’t caught them on the porch not wanting to go in if they could kiss some more instead. You win some, you lose some.

Sunday dinners had become much more enjoyable with her in attendance, and not just because she let him kiss her in his childhood bedroom while his parent’s cleaned the dishes. In the time that it had taken them to come to terms with being mates they had adjusted with incredible ease. The strongest witch in town and the alpha. It was kind of a duo. An incredible duo at that. And it certainly helped that they loved each other more than anything in the world, in a way that was so vast and consuming that it could sometimes feel overwhelming. The good news was he had this amazing person to lean on, and who actually understood him better than anyone ever could. She made his heart soar.

He cornered her in the kitchen after dinner, arms wrapped tightly around her waist so he could hide his face in her braids. He was just as obsessed with her now as he’d been the second he figured out they were mates. Perhaps even before. Definitely before.

“You have no idea how happy it makes me when you come to dinner with me.” He breathed.

She hummed softly. “I think I do actually. Just a little bit.”

“Funny. You know...it might be a lot easier to get us to these dinners if I didn’t have to go to Edna’s to pick you up every time.”

Her fingers inched underneath his shirt to draw shapes that made his knees weak somehow.

“Just what do you suppose I do? We’d get here a lot quicker if you weren’t so handsy.”

He peered down at her and rested his forehead against hers.

“Maybe if you moved in with me, I could learn a little time management.” He grinned. “What didn’t feel that one coming did you?”

She head buts him playfully, her full lips forming quite the gasp. The things that she did to him. He was so gone.

“You want me to move in with you and a bunch of messy wolves, aye?” She smiled.

He shook his head. “Want you to move in with just one messy wolf. There’s a guest house on the property. It’d be just you and me.”

Her eyes got all wide and her lips made this small little “o” that honest to god was the cutest shit he’d ever seen. Surprising her was his greatest accomplishment.

She bit her lip. “Just us?”

“Just us. What do you say?”

“Yes! Of course, yes! Are you kidding me? Yes.”

She hops up into his arms crashing their lips together passionately. It felt like a really important step to building their life together, to creating something sustainable for the two of them. She had caused all of his goals and his needs to change so drastically in such a small amount of time. He only wanted her happiness, her safety, her pleasure. It was all that mattered to him. And he could always rest easy knowing that she would feel the exact same way about him. They were all that mattered now.

The End.

A ko-fi would really be lovely as I’m poor tbh lol. 

taglist: @simpledomain @liliane106 

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Antonio and Pablo Agama headcanons

Leoncio Renato Braganza-Olmos was a dashing cavalry officer, just recently promoted when he met Altagracia Luna Quelempan-Agama,a healer working in the army camp. It was during an army dance, this being the years before Shuriki, and the camp was celebrating its recent victory. Like a classic fairytale, their eyes met across the room. He introduced himself and bowed, they danced, and fell head over heels for each other. Their backgrounds were quite different with Leoncio coming from a long line of esteemed army men much like the Villalobos of Avalor City. In fact, the Villalobos family was one of their greatest rivals for the Olmos family wanted to move out of serving the borders of far away villages and achieve glory in war on foreign land or against dangerous malvagos that seemed to attack the city.

Altagracia was a mestiza, a mixed race girl of indeginous tribes that prided themselves from descending from the great Maruvians and of the more pure blood Spanish descent. Altargracia was very much inspired by her indigenous side, working hard with others to keep their culture and knowledge of medicines and textiles alive. Though, there was not much discrimination for her mixed blood, as many actually wanted to learn the secrets of ancient Maru, people still sometimes taunted them for their superstitions and outdated ideas. Both their families cautioned them from getting married, fearing that their backgrounds would be too different.

However, the couple did not care. Their backgrounds meant little compared to their love for one another. She wanted to support him in his army battles and patch him up in the privacy of their own home and Leoncio adored his at turns intelligent and fierce wife who may not be able to hold a spear but could verbally spar with the best of his fellow soldiers.

Though the life of following army camp after army camp was tiring, they leaned on each other and were thanful to have the other by their side. Eventually came the day when Leoncio got a sword through his thigh. It broke stright through the bone and sidelined him for nearly a year. He eventually healed despite fears that he’d have to be amputed, but he would live with a permenant limp and had to retire from his life of sword. It happened to be excellent timing for Altagracia was pregnant with their first child.

They settled into Altagracia’s home village where Leoncio was aimlessly lost at first, unsure that he had any skills for citizen work but with Altagracia’s guidence and help, he found his way to work as a part-time picker on pepper plantations while Altagracia continued to work and sell her weaving wares and herbal medicines.

Their first son, Antonio Lautaro Agama-Olmos was born at dawn, a loud and robust baby. A direct contrast to their second son, Pablo Sergio Agama-Olmos who was born at midnight, similarly loud but skinnier.

The family was small but happy. Leoncio being a particularly proud father, trying to teach his sons fighting tricks and boast of his great victories. However, one day, Leoncio left without a trace. Perhaps he left because life in a small village bored him, maybe he had found another woman, or maybe he wished to start over fresh in Avalor City without the burden of caring for a family or the hauntings of his former officer glory. It could have been any one of these reasons but no one would ever know for he left no note.

Altagracia received no sympathy from her family who had warned her that a wealthy man like he might get bored with her, warnings she blithely ignored. She had more help from the Olmos’ who pitied her and felt similarly abandoned for Leoncio sent no word either to them. Besides it went against their honor to abandon someone who was part of their family. They sent Altagracia an “allowance” of sorts monthly and Leoncio’s younger brother, Fernando even offered to marry her to make up for his brother’s grievous actions and give the boys a father. Altagracia politely refused, her pain was too strong and she  wished never to see any of her husband’s kin ever again.

Altagracia reluctantly accepted the money as she needed it for her sons, and packed up, took up her old name, and moved to the village over the plateau. (I imagine it to be very similar to Curicó in Chile. You know, mountains on either side, a central fertile valley for agriculture, humid and wet). She couldn’t stand the humiliation of everyone knowing her husband left her and wanted to start fresh even though the rumors and pitying stares still plagued her when she moved to the new village near Mesa Roja. Words traveled fast.

Despite the money sent to her, she couldn’t buy a house with enough space for all her weaving so she couldn’t open her own weaving shop. But Altagracia was determined to make do and used the stables that adjoined her home to house her looms and set to work by herself to create the most elaborate, quality ponchos, clothes and other items till she became the known as “la mujer de la telar.” The money the Olmos did sent them was set aside for special nonessential things like archery sets or a professional portrait since Altagracia decided any essential items like food or clothing, she would pay with her own work. Those luxeries Pablo proudly boasted about since it set them apart from their little less-off farming neighbors, and he’d often sell these goods for a price. That is until Altagracia found out and threatened to stop buying him things if he wasn’t going to use it himself.  

Antonio had been 7 at the time, Pablo only 6, and if that one devastating event wasn’t enough. That was the same year that Shuriki came to power. Music and the old festivals were banned. Altagracia was one of the few people who was happy with this new arrangement since she’d much rather not be reminded of dances or anything happy like that. The boys however, were sorely disappointed by the thought of no more spring harvesting festivals with the children’s races or the games and such. And the addition of Shuriki’s guards patrolling the perimeters to quell any underground rebellions was an unnerving new normal to add to their lives.

Though the boys were too young to truly understand the full context of what was going on, they came today follow their mother’s mantra of “make do with what they have” and made their own fun without the festivals like marbles or pretending their were great trapeze artists like the traveling circus they saw or exploring their new home and the surrounding wild. Antonio’s particularly favorite game was pretending to find lost treasure which influenced his later career.

By the time Antonio was a teenager, he came to think of himself as the new man of the house. He saw how Leoncio’s departure affected their mother. She threw herself into her work, and doted on them more than ever. But she was so distrustful of others especially the rich who she now thought saw people like her as playthings or beneath them. He heard the rumors and taunts of other kids that “they” were the reason their dad ran away. And he vowed that he’d bring fortune to the Agamas name. They’d be known for something else than their disappeared dad.

The one obstacle to his big plan was his own brother. It seemed Pablo had inherited their father’s propensity for wanting glory and their mother’s sly tongue. He fancied himself as a poor man’s merchant (more accurately a con man) and had been cheating people out of their money with goods that he overhyped or stole from people for them to buy it back at exorbitant prices. Antonio often chewed him out for these things especially since it could reflect badly on their whole family but Pablo defended that they wouldn’t want their dear Mama to worry more than she had to, beside he was doing his part as a dutiful son to give her money any way he can. Even though he made plenty of enemies that way. Their neighbors, the Palomas, especially. 

Their mother did notice the tension between both boys and often had to drop subtle reminders and wise proverbs like “Family isn't an important thing. It's everything,” or “The important thing in a family is not being together but being united.”

But they both possessed the same stubborness and their differences grew anyway. Antonio was a studious student, paying attention in class while Pablo often skipped because he felt there was no point. Most people didn’t use the lessons on geometry or English in their daily lives, they learned their family trade and that was that. He much preferred to wager and make bets with the boys and flirt. Antonio had also entertained thoughts of marrying girls he had crushes on but he knew that would doom his dream. Once he got married, he’d have to stay settled down and he didn’t want that so he staye dcelibate though many women, allured by his muscular build, did try to tempt him much to Pablo’s disgust (Poor Pablo, he wanted to be tempted. That's all he wanted!). But Antonio was different. Their teacher, Professora Risquez thought Antonio had potential, he had a passion for history and the stories of treasure hunters so she told him about the field of archeology. It sounded like a dream to him! Being able to find lost civilizations that told them of where they came from and what they did just like the ancient Maruvians.

He couldn’t get the kind of education at home. Not there where the highest level was 12th grade. Professora Risquez offered to sponsor him to go to the University of Avalor. He would live with her parents in their house in the city and he could pursue a degree in archaeological studies. It was a perfect plan and Altagracia was thrilled for her son, and Antonio was similarly thrilled. He was getting one step closer to his dream of bringing fame to the Agama name.

The only one who was less enthusiastic was Pablo who thought Antonio was acting stuck up and superior to him which he kind of was. This led to their first major fight, leading them to never speak to each other for the next twenty eight years.

Antonio hunkered down on his studies, but it had been quite a shock when he first arrived in the city. They had so many more modern convencies like carriages instead of carts and shops for everything and the port brought all sorts of peoples and stories of distant lands that he could never imagine. He even saw a professional circus that put the traveling circus he saw in his childhood to shame.

 Then there was the actual university, the small school with its few teachers and lackluster substance had not prepared him for rigerous testing and academic tone of the unversity. But Professora Risquez’s parents had been former professors themselves and helped him with his study habits and time management. As for the kids, some were nice, some were snobs, a regular crowd of all kinds of people. Though sometimes those classist snobs sniffed at his “village peasant” accent and how fast he talked (Chilean spanish accents is known for being the fastest-spoken) so he learned to modify his fast to his slower, guttural sound. 

It got stressful at times but the one thing that kept him going was the passion for archeology itself. Each book he read, he yearned to know more, to learn more, to go out and explore and find the routes himself which he did every summer, even managing to secure his first glimpse of fame when he found the Heiroglyphic Staircase of Maru.

Pablo stayed at home, helping his mom with selling her wares and occasionally take odd jobs about town. Eventually, he got bored with the poor provincial village and decided to set out for his own. Altagracia gave her blessings since she had enough money to get by on her own with her work and the allowance from the Olmos. Besides she felt that maybe it would encourage Pablo to grow up a little especially now that he was out of Antonio’s shadow. He offered his services as a salesman to various small businesses but often quit when he felt ready to wander again or because he wanted a larger cut than his employers were willing to give him. He also decided to do his own version of treasure hunting and find items from the trash or wild or sometimes laying around someone’s backyard and sell them, often adding they belonged to some famous royal or legend or had magic properties. Then splitting town before his angry customors found out they were tricked.

Meanwhile, as Pablo scraped by, Antonio was sending money and letters to their mother with each new discovery he found. He had gotten his biggest dream as a result with the fame and universities begging him to come vist and give lectures. He did so especially if Professora Risquez asked, but he found the fame wasn’t as appealing as he thought it would be. Lectures, especially preparing them, were boring and he didn’t sell his items rather he gave them to museums to study. He much preferred the thrill of the adventuring and the excitment of finding treasure than anything else.

Then came the day he ventured to Obsidian Island. He had been so sure of himself, having sort of bought into his own hype, and that this would be his greatest find yet. But he had not anticipated for the gecko curse to be real! He freaked out when he was first transformed finding his brain sharing the instincts of a gecko’s and he’d often be distracted by his gecko instincts. Which he had stayed in that form for years.

Meanwhile, Pablo had come home from his itenerite wanderings after his mother wrote to him to come back. He had been 5 years since she had last heard from Antonio. Pablo had no information to give her on that front, but it didn’t matter because she needed him now that her arthritis was acting up and it was harder for her to move. Eventually, she had stopped moving completely and needed to move around in a wheelchair. Pablo cared for her during her final days and then Antonio came back.

He finished his adventure at Obsidian Island, and no longer a gecko, he had to apologize and explain to everyone he had known what had happened. His first trip was to his dear mama who had wept with joy seeing Antonio alive and well and that he had not abandoned her as she had thought. Pablo was put-off. Finally, he had time with their mama but once again Antonio, the golden boy outshone him and “saved” the day.

The next day, Altagracia died, seemingly ready to move on after seeing her son again. Pablo and Antonio tersely arranged the funeral together, maintaing some politeness to each other. But that all exploded after the funeral. Pablo made some comment of how nice it was for the famed and renowned Antonio Agama to find time to visit and how he had done all the work when Altagracia was ill and Antonio made her think he had left them just like Leoncio. Antonio shot back that he didn’t mean to not contact them. He was a freaking gecko! Those were exnuating circumstances, and it wasn’t like Pablo was so concerned about his welfare since he hadn’t written him so much a letter since Antonio left for college. This left them in fury and they refused to talk to each other again.

Until the will came and both were given parts of that treasure map aka The Family Treasure. After the events of that episode and Elena’s song getting stuck in their head thus reminding them, they decided to patch up their relationship and spend more time with one another with Antonio even inviting Pablo to his next archeological adventure so they’d have plenty of time to talk or find more things to fight about, but they’ve come to sort of like it that way.

[lonelyreputation]

Sixth Step

A/N:  Hiiii! For all you angst lovers out there––Here’s some angst! We love the angst! all of it!!! This was a request sent in and I had a lot of fun crafting a story around the sound of a staircase! 

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Thanks a million to everyone who has read my stories! I appreciate and love you all to bits!!💗

PROMPT: The squeak of an old wooden staircase

Chat Chat Chat | MASTERLIST

Warnings: Angst (!!!), underage drinking, and a swear word or three

Word Count: 8.4K

                                                   |  2004  |

You didn’t know what moving to a different neighborhood meant at six years old.  You didn’t have any bearings that the town you were moving to was three hours away from where you previously lived.  So it was rather confusing when your parents informed you that you wouldn’t be able to play superheroes with your neighborhood friends the following weekend.

You liked having the boxes piled up on top of each other throughout the house; it made for good hiding places when playing hide-and-seek.  But then the boxes began to disappear, so did the window curtains, and so did the furniture.  You now had nowhere to hide when playing.

With your tiny arms crossed over your chest, and a permeant pout on your face staring out the window, you felt sad about leaving your friends.  You didn’t want to find new people to play superheroes with.  What if your new friends didn’t want to play superheroes with you?  You had stopped your fussing an hour into the drive when your dad promised you ice-cream if you behaved the rest of the way.

You hadn’t said a word to them since.

You saw the skyline of a city you weren’t familiar with––Toronto, is what your parents had said––and soon the highway began to morph into more residential streets.  Trees lined the streets and kids played in their yards, all running to the side of the road when your car passed.  You don’t know how much longer you were in the car for until you saw a Welcome to Pickering sign.

A few more turns down a few more unfamiliar streets; you stopped outside of a house that had a nice sold sign out on the front lawn.  Your father parked the car, got out, and tried to unbuckle you with your arms still bitterly crossed over your chest.  Your father didn’t say anything, and instead let out a sigh of relief, when he got you out of the carseat constraints.  He said something to you, but you ignored him as you grabbed your teddy bear, walked over to the front lawn, and sat up against the pretty white sold sign.

A new house, you thought to yourself, your old house was better.

You sat on the lawn as you watched your parents take the brown boxes you hid behind during hide-and-seek and carry them in, one by one into the house.  The pout on your face deepened until a soccer ball came rolling toward you.

But the soccer ball wasn’t the only thing coming toward you.  A boy with scraggly brown hair ran at you full speed.  You clutched your teddy bear tighter to your chest as the soccer ball stopped right in front of you.  And the boy quickly stopped running before he barreled into you.

Out of breath, he was bent over and leaned his hands on his scrawny knees, “Hi, I’m Shawn,” You rolled the ball toward him and didn’t say anything.  He picked up the ball, “My mom told me there would be new people where the Phillips used to live.  What’s your name?”

“Y/n,” you loosened your grip around your teddy bear.

Shawn smiled, “Do you play soccer?”

You shook your head and offered him a counter question, “Do you play superheroes?”

Shawn’s eyes widened as his jaw dropped, “I love to play superheroes!” He said with excitement, “Oh, gosh, Brian’s gonna be so happy that we’ll have a new friend––“

“Y/n!” Your mother called you from the front door, “Come pick out your room!”

You nodded at her and stood up, holding your teddy bear by its arm, “Wanna come pick out my room with me?”

Shawn eagerly nodded his head and was running past you to your front door, “I know the best room in the house!  Peter had the best room.”

You giggled behind him as you kept up with his pace.  Your mother smiled down as you ran in the house.  You let out a short and hurried, mom this is my new friend Shawn, before the two of you were racing up the steps.

The staircase was wooden and tall.  You almost were out of breath until Shawn abruptly stopped in the middle and pointed down at a specific step, “This one creaks a lot.  Mrs. Phillips didn’t like the sound of it.”  Shawn softly stepped on the stair, his legs not long enough to extend up to the next step, and the staircase let out a high pitched creak.

You covered both of your ears with your hands, the sound reminiscent to nails scratching on a chalkboard.  Carefully, you tried copying Shawn’s movements of stepping on the particular stair with ease, but to no avail, the step creaked again that sent shivers down your spine.

“C’mon, you need to get the best room in the house,” Shawn tugged on your wrist.

You forgot about the cruel sound of the wooden step and chased after Shawn with a smile on your face.

                                                     |  2013  |

“Be quiet,” you leaned out of your window to whisper yell at Shawn, “my parents are asleep.”

It was dark so you weren’t able to see Shawn’s facial expression, “Just hurry up.”

Instead of a verbal reply, you picked your phone off your nightstand and sent him a text message: give me five minutes to change.  He responded with something about telling you not to take long.  Not thinking that his message was worth responding to, you shut your window softly and quietly turned the locks shut with a soft click.  You changed out of your sweatpants and into shorts as you decided to keep your long-sleeved shirt on.

You grabbed your phone and house key as you tip-toed across your room to the door.  You opened it as cautiously as you closed it behind you, not wanting to wake your parents up at quarter to midnight. 

With your shoes in your hands, you slid your sock clad feet across the wooden floorboards until you got to the old staircase.  You had never dreaded them more until this very moment.  Ever since you moved into this house, your parents always talked about getting it fixed, but they never stayed true to their word.  Oh, how you wished they had.

You slowly stepped down on the top step and it was silent.  One, you mentally counted in your head.  You slowly brought your second foot down so you were standing on the top step.  You can do this, you prepared yourself for the next step, two.  Two steps down, four to go.  As you continued to mentally count the stairs, you paused when you got to stair number five.  You can do this, you repeated to yourself mentally, it’s just a stair.  

With a hand on the banister, you used it as an anchoring point to hold on tight until you skipped over the sixth step and had your foot firmly placed on the seventh step.  You let out a deep breath as you kept yourself steady as you moved your second foot down on the seventh step.  No creak.  You smiled and patted yourself on the back as you continued to quietly walk down your staircase and sneak out the back door.

You picked your bike up that was leaning against the side of your house and walked it over to Shawn, who had his own bike.  His phone screen illuminated his face as he looked up, “Finally.”

“Hey,” you scolded him as you rolled your bike onto the street, Shawn following you, “You know how hard it is to sneak out with that staircase.”

Shawn rolled his eyes as he swung a leg over his bike and started to peddle.  You followed his actions and the two of you were biking down your street.  The ride was filled with mindless conversation as the humid summer air hit your skin.  The party that you were both invited to was being held at someone’s house whose parents were away for the weekend.  And that schoolmate just so happened to have an older sibling of legal drinking age and was able to provide alcohol.

Once you arrived at the house, both of you leaned your bikes against the side of the house, not wanting to draw attention to your bikes from the other residential houses, and entered through the back gate––the text said to come through the back and knock four times, pause, and then once more, Shawn said–––and as soon as the secret knock was completed, you were in the basement with a red solo cup of something in your hands.

You and Shawn had stayed pretty much joined at the hip since arriving.  Every refill of a drink, you got together; every conversation, you had together.

There was only one time you and Shawn were separated and it was when you were dragged to the bathroom by your friend Alex.  You stood outside while they did their business.  There were a few times you had to turn away stumbling drunk teenagers, and it was fairly comical, because you weren’t too far behind your drunk classmates.

After a few more minutes, you heard the toilet flush and the faucet turn on promptly.  Alex exited the bathroom and hooked their arm around yours, “Have you seen the eyes Shawn’s been giving you all night?!”

You stopped walking, blocking the narrow hallway to the bathroom, “What?” You leaned back and stared at Alex with raised eyebrows, “He has not been giving me eyes all night.” 

“I bet you that he’s staring at you right now.”

You peered over Alex’s shoulders and searched the room for Shawn.  It only took you a few moments, he always stood out in a crowd to you, and while he wasn’t staring at you, you could see his eyebrows scrunched together.  His head scanning the room.  

“That doesn’t mean anything.” You unhooked your arm from theirs and crossed your arms stubbornly over your chest, “He doesn’t like like me.  Not in the way I like him.”

Alex rolled their eyes, “You’re best friends!  It’s destiny!  You came to a party together!  You’re supposed to fall in love!”

“Keep your voice down,” you hushed your friend as you looked over their shoulder.  And just when you peered over, Shawn’s eyes connected with yours and you felt the all too familiar butterflies erupt in your stomach.  God, you really like like him.

Shawn smiled and waved at you to come back over.  Alex noticed your attention not on them anymore and turned around.  Once they got a look at Shawn waving you down, their head slowly turned back toward you, eyebrows raised and a smirk delicately placed on their lips.

“Not a word,” you glared at Alex as you walked away from them and over to Shawn.

Alex laughed as they trailed behind you, picking up drinks for the both of you in the kitchenette area.  You stayed at the party for a few more hours until you and Shawn both decided to call it quits.  While both of you weren’t drunk, you two weren’t sober either.  Still giggly with flushed red cheeks, you got your bikes from the side of the house and biked back to your street.

“That was really fun,” you smiled and looked over at Shawn.  The street lights casted a dim light on him, “we should do that again sometime.”

“Thanks for not leaving my side,” Shawn confessed, “I was really nervous.”

Luckily, you showed up at your house right as Shawn let his first ounce of nervousness shine through.  You hopped off your bike and put your kickstand up when you reached the top of your driveway, “What do you mean?  They’re your friends too.”

Shawn got off his bike seat, but his legs were still planted on either side by the peddles, ready to hop back on the seat and ride away to his house, “Yeah I know…It’s just,” his hands gripped his handlebars, knuckles turning a slight shade of white, “Since I started posting those singing videos they haven’t been super…nice.”

Your shoulders fell at his confession.  Shawn had been posting his videos to YouTube and to a new app––Vine––and while you were supportive of it, some of his classmates saw it as a way to tease him.  His confession about his lack of confidence sobered you up.

You left your bike and walked up to him, placing your hands on top of his.  Shawn’s eyes looked down at your touching hands and then back up to your comforting eyes.  

You thought to yourself; Does he feel it too? The electricity?

“It’s easier said than done––but don’t––they don’t know what they’re talking about,” you slightly stumbled over your words, “They’re just shitty people with nothing better to do,” you squeezed his hand, “This––You’re gonna do great things Shawn.  I know great things will come from this.  And I’ll always be there cheering you on.”

Shawn smiled as he let out a soft chuckle, “It’s just for fun, posting the videos.”

You shrugged your shoulders, “Whatever it is or whatever comes from it,” you gave him a pointed look, “I’ll always be there for you.”

Shawn’s smile grew wider and he tilted his head to the side slightly, “You looked really pretty tonight.”

Your heart swelled up so much that it felt as if your oxygen supply had been cut off.  You felt as if you were floating above the pavement.  Shawn called you pretty. Your crush called you pretty.

“Thanks––That’s uh––You looked pretty…too,” you hadn’t had any alcohol to drink in the last hour, but you were drunk on him.

Shawn returned your beaming smile.  It was silent between the two of you, not knowing where to take the conversation from there.  You had been best friends since you moved into the neighborhood ten years ago and not once had the two of you not had anything to say to each other.  But this was uncharted territory.  You didn’t know how to further this conversation.

“I––uh,” Shawn’s smile turned into one of remorse, “I should probably head home, get some sleep.”

You retracted your hand away from his in lightning speed, oh, god, you thought to yourself, I messed this up––I shouldn’t have called him pretty––He probably doesn’t like me back––I’m such an idiot.

Shawn didn’t seem to notice you internally panicking as he sat back up on his bike, reaching the tip of his sneakers on the pavement to keep him somewhat balanced, “We––Are you busy tomorrow night?”

Your panicking came to a cease, but you didn’t let your hopes up too high, “Is there another party?”

Shawn shook his head side-to-side, “I was––There’s a new pizza place in town and I was wondering if you’d like to try it…with me.”  He seemed to struggle as much as you getting your words out.

You felt a small bubble of excitement fester in the pit of your stomach, but you were still weary, “With Brian or––“

“No.”

And just as fast as Shawn cut you off, a smile quickly made its way onto your face.

“Just––I want it to be just us.”

You nodded your head, “That sounds nice.”

Shawn nodded his head slowly, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “It does sound…nice,” he pushed his kickstand up with the heel of his foot, “I’ll text you?”

“Text me,” you smiled as you watched him bike away to his house.

You were smiling as you quietly walked your bike to your back yard and leaned it up against the wall.  You took your shoes off, losing your balance a few times, before you leaned your hand flat against the side wall to support you.  Once they were off, you unlocked the door, and slid your way across the wood floors.

Sure, you were still tipsy from the party, but nothing compared to how drunk you felt a moment ago with Shawn when he asked you out.  It was difficult to concentrate on anything when you were in his presence.  He had this aura around him that instantly made your worries disappear into thin air.  It was the closest thing you felt to believing that magic actually existed.

You made it to the staircase, it seemed steeper than before, but you just chalked that up to being tipsy.  You were able to bike home with Shawn in one piece, you could handle going up the stairs.

One, you counted to yourself…Two.

You couldn’t believe that you were going on a date with Shawn––Three––Never in your wildest dreams did you ever dream that this would happen.  You thought you were just destined to be best friends for the rest of your life––Five––Maybe you should’ve taken Alex’s advice sooner and just asked him out yourself––Six.

Six.

Before you could stop yourself from placing your whole foot down on the stair, your eyes widened as the cursed sixth step screeched out an unbelievably loud creak.  With your whole foot pressed down on the step, it sounded as if a grand piano had fallen down five stories.  

Shit.

You quickly skipped your way up the stairs, praying to God that you didn’t wake your parents.  You thought you were off the hook when you made it to the top of your steps without anyone coming out to check on the noise.  With a hand on your door knob, you had just twisted it down when another creak sounded.

The creak of a door.

“Y/n?”  It was your dad, “What are you––It’s nearly four in the morning.”

“I got––I’m thirsty––Went down for some water.”

Your dad almost bought your excuse.  You felt so close to escaping his gaze and being in the comfort of your bed.  You didn’t know if it was the stumble of your words, they were slightly slurred together, or if it was your wobbling that you tried to stop by holding onto the door knob until your knuckles were white. 

“Are you drunk?”

You shook your head fast, trying to deny him, but that only caused you to become nauseous, “No––“ 

But you couldn’t even finish your sentence before you darted to the hall bathroom, a sound uglier than the creak of the sixth step emitted from the bathroom when you threw open the toilet lid and stuck your head in.  Your dad was behind you, pushing the loose strands of your hair back, “You are so grounded,” he chuckled.

Not being able to argue or defend yourself, you nodded, accepting your punishment.  The only thought swirling around in your head was how you had to tell Shawn you needed to reschedule your date for tomorrow night.  But it wasn’t a big deal, because Shawn had gotten caught by his mother and was grounded as well.

                                                    |  2017  |

You didn’t care that you stepped on the cursed sixth step, or that you placed your suitcase on the stair as well.  You flinched at the sharp creak, but payed no attention to it, as you continued to carry your suitcase down the stairs.  It was only a carry on bag, but you still needed both hands to walk it down the stairs.

Your mother rounded the corner dressed in an apron and a whisk in her hand as she scolded you, “Y/n, please watch out for the stair!”

“Sorry, mom!” You set your luggage down at the bottom of the old staircase and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

She gave you a forgiving smile and walked back into the kitchen, “Remember to text me and your father when you get to the airport, when you’ve boarded the plane, about to take off, landed––“

“––And when I’ve made it past security, when I get in the car Shawn has scheduled, when I make it to the arena––yes mom,” you repeated her list of requests as you stole a cookie that was on the island cooling down, “Chill, I got this.”

She stopped her mixing and let her shoulders drop, “I know…I know,” she let out a sigh, “Are you sure you want to visit him on tour?”

You scrunched your eyebrows together, stealing another cookie and talking with your mouth full, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just that…He…You two haven’t always had the most stable relationship over the years.”

You were about to take another bite of the cookie when you suddenly felt a bit nauseous.  Your mom wasn’t wrong, you and Shawn didn’t have a good track record.  You were dating Shawn for two years when he decided he wanted to call it quits right before he opened up for Taylor Swift.  You were crushed.  You cried into your mother’s shoulder for two weeks; thinking you were never going to find someone like Shawn again.

But after three months of being officially broken up, Shawn called you up saying how stupid he was for breaking up with you, and begged you to take him back.  Blinded by your infatuation for him, you took him back in a heartbeat.  Things were a bit rocky as he finished up tour with Taylor Swift, finding his footing with his new sense of fame, but when he returned home to you, things were wonderful.

Things were wonderful for six months until rumors about him and Camilla Cabello started making their way to headlines of every magazine.  You ignored it at first, knowing that Shawn liked you, but when it got to the point where some pictures were leaked that made it look like Shawn and Camilla were more than friends, you confronted Shawn and told him it made you uncomfortable.  His only excuse was that it put his name in the news and would help his career.  

You broke up with him.

But two months later, after you had stolen a bottle of wine from your parents alcohol cabiet, and sat on the roof with Alex, crying about how much you missed him––you drunk dialed him and apologized for overreacting.  

The two of you were back together for three months until your next break up.  You don’t even remember what that one was about.

But after sitting down, and having an adult conversation about what needed to change on both sides in the relationship, you two were back together.  Above anything else, the two of you agreed that your friendship was the most important thing, and you didn’t want to jeopardize it.  But after deciding that the two of you couldn’t go back to being just friends like the time before you were both fifteen––you decided to give a relationship another chance.  

It had been a little less than a year since that talk and you were happier than ever.  But you could understand the hesitation your mother had.  She had spent more than enough nights holding you tight when you felt like your world was falling apart, whispering encouraging sentiments in your ear.  

“You’re best friends with his mom,” you deflected the question, “Do you think she thinks the same about me?”

Your mother glared at you and wiped her hands on her apron, “Karen doesn’t have anything to do with this,” she took a seat on the stool next to you, “If you’re happy, then I’m happy, I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“I’m fine mom, we’re���” you trailed off looking for the right words, “We’re doing fine.  No break up in sight.”  Your mother raised her eyebrows at you and you swatted the air, “We're doing really well.”  

She left the conversation off there to die and went back to baking her cookies.  Twenty minutes later your dad walked down the stairs, breathing out a tiny shit, when he stepped on the sixth step.  Both you and your mom cringed at the screeching sound.  Jingling his car keys, you hugged your mom bye, took hold of your suitcase and walked out the door with your dad who was dropping you off at the airport.

You were a ball of nervousness as you waited at your gate to Glendale, Arizona.  Your leg rapidly bouncing up and down didn’t hide your anxiety well.  So you texted Shawn.  He responded a few minutes later, saying he was in between some tour stuff, but would continue to text you.  A smile crept onto your face thinking about how even though Shawn was busy, he was still making time for you.

•••

Houston, Texas was blistering hot.

You didn’t know if you were used to different weather back in Canada and overreacting to the heat down south, but a tear was shed every time you saw someone walk around in jeans; and that included Shawn.

“Are you alright up there?” You brought a fist up to Shawn’s head and lightly knocked it, “Need a doctor?”

You were lying down on a couch in Shawn’s dressing room in the Toyota Center, and while the air conditioning was on full blast, you still didn’t understand how Shawn could be wearing jeans.

Shawn pushed your hand away, but not before it got too far.  He tangled his fingers with yours and rested them on his chest.  You smiled as you snuggled further into his hold around you.

“I just don’t think about it,” he shrugged his one shoulder, “It helps that we’re inside.”

You rolled your eyes and stretched your neck back to look at him, “You’re insane.”

“Insane for you, darling”

Darling.  It was one of the only pet names that Shawn called you and it never failed to make your insides erupt in pure bliss.

You rolled your eyes once more and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “You’re nice.”

“I don’t get anything in return?” He playfully scoffed, “I gave you a compliment and I don’t get one back?  What kind of relationship are we in?”

You untangled his arm from around your shoulder and leaned your upper body up to hover over him with a smile, “You are incredibly handsome and I’ve been insane for you since we were fifteen.”

Shawn’s bright eyes disconnected from yours and went to stare at your hands that were still together on his chest.  He rubbed his thumb over the top of your hand, “Don’t know how you’ve put up with me for so long.”

Your heart melted, and not in the typical way it does around Shawn, your heart sunk at the deflated sound of his voice.  It brought you back to the night when you were fifteen and Shawn confided in you that he was nervous to go to a party.

“Hey,” you softly whispered as you gently leaned back down on the couch and cuddled into him.  He instantly wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in tight to him, afraid that if you were to move an inch, you would be gone forever.

You brought your free hand to stroke along side his face until he looked at you.  His eyes were wide and full of sadness, “No one’s relationship is perfect, and yeah we’ve gone through some…tough times,” Shawn flinched as if replaying every single breakup between the two of you, “But we’re here,” you squeezed his hand, “We’re here and better than ever.”

Shawn released your hand at the same time he retracted his hand from around your waist.  Oh no, you thought to yourself, I messed this all up––I said something wrong––He’s pulling away.  But with your negative thoughts quickly entering your mind, they left as you saw Shawn was just adjusting his position.

He shifted from lying on his back to resting on his side; his chin on his propped up arm and his free hand twirling a strand of a loose piece of hair.  He was silent as he twirled the piece of hair between his index finger and thumb, carefully choosing his next words.

“You deserve so much,” he dropped the strand of hair and cupped your face with his hand.  You wanted to lean into his touch, but your stomach plummeted as your mother’s words echoed in your head––you two haven’t always had the most stable relationship over the years.

You screwed your eyes tight and held your breath, preparing for the worst, “Are you breaking up with me?”

Shawn’s thumb stopped rubbing soothing circles on your cheek, “Wha––No, Y/n––That’s not––Shit, it probably sounded like I was, but I’m not––Hey, look at me please.”

After a few seconds of deep breathing to calm yourself down, you opened your eyes to see Shawn’s panicked ones already staring at you.  He tried to soften his eyes, and his smile came out as more of a grimace, but in your mind you knew that you probably looked petrified too.

The two of you took a couple of extra seconds to collect your thoughts.  Shawn was the first to speak, “What I meant to say––You deserve so much and I’ll spend everyday trying to live up to your standards to go above and beyond what you deserve.”

Your heart fluttered at his confession.  While the two of you did have a rocky relationship, you knew Shawn always tried to be the best version of himself.

“I love you,” he whispered those three words at you like the two of you would whisper into your walkie talkies you got when you were twelve, “I think I’ve loved you for years now.”

Your heart skipped a beat.  It was the first time he had said those words to you since you started dating.  There were plenty of times, when the two of you were just friends, and those words were  said before hanging up the phone after talking for a long night––love you––he would say in a lackadaisical voice.   But this was different.  This was the I love you saved for a partner you were serious about.

“Think?”

Shawn let out a soft laugh as he brushed his nose against yours, “I’ve known that I’ve loved you for years now.”

“I love you, too.” You barely got the sentence out before his lips connected with yours in a burning passion.  

It was a sweet kiss, not so much delicate as ones you had previously shared.  Shawn slightly leaned his head to the right and hooked his arm around your neck, pulling you flush up against his chest.  

You had one hand pressed up against Shawn’s chest and your other hand grasping onto his shoulder to keep you upright and balanced from the dizzying kiss.  His lips were soft and warm––it made you your stomach feel like it was doing summersaults.

A different kind of spark ignited within your body.  A different kind of love.  You had loved Shawn as a friend since before you knew what the word really meant.  And right now, as one of Shawn’s hands glided up your shirt and squeezed your breast, you felt like you knew what the word meant in the unconditional sense.

The love you felt for Shawn was unconditional and one you wished to never let go.

                                                     |  2019  |

“Karen told me Shawn hasn’t been eating much of his dinner.”

You looked up briefly from taking notes and shrugged your shoulders, “Maybe he has the flu?”

“You haven’t been eating much of yours either.”

You looked up from your textbook with a sigh and leaned back against the kitchen chair, “Maybe I have the flu?”

“Y/n,” your mom gave you a stern look, “You’re home for fall break––with the intention of seeing Shawn––and you’ve seen him once? Twice?”

“Three times,” you grumbled as you picked your pen back up and went back to jotting down notes.

The first time you saw Shawn when you were home was at his apartment in Toronto. That was a fantastic time alone together.  The second time you saw Shawn was when he took you out to dinner at the pizza place where you had your first date. That was lovely.  And the third time you saw Shawn…The third time you saw him was at a house of a mutual friend who was having a bonfire.  That time was not so pleasant.

Brian had drunkenly brought up how Shawn had been working on a new song with Camilla Cabello.  Not that Shawn had to clue you in to everything that happened in his life, you would’ve appreciated if he told you that.  You weren’t the biggest fan of her––how she was always publicly pining after your boyfriend made you uncomfortable.  But she was a friend of Shawn’s and could relate to him on the level of fame they were at, so you respected their friendship.

But it didn’t sit right with you when Shawn conveniently left out that he had been working with her for months.

Your mom stepped around her next words carefully, “And you two are––“

“We’re fine, mom,” you snapped at her.  You quickly apologized, the stress of university and Camilla weighing down on your shoulders.  Something was not settling right in your stomach.  The more you pushed it further down, the more you felt like you couldn’t stop thinking about it.  And you knew the only way to get the feeling to go away was to talk it out with Shawn.

The thought of that terrified you.

Camilla had already been the cause of one of your many breakups, you didn’t want her to be the reason for another.  Not when everything with Shawn was so good.  Everything was ideal, everything was perfect.  Shawn and you had been together for three years without a break up.  That was your longest streak to date and you were doing everything in your power to keep the fragility of your relationship alive.

“I’ll send him a text,” you offered her a piece of information that would hopefully get her off your back.  She said that calling would probably be best.  But you told her you didn’t have time to talk on the phone and that you would text him asking him to meet up.

You quickly grabbed your phone that was on top of a few notebooks and tapped away a message: Wanna go on a walk later?

The phone vibrated in your hands before you could even set it back down on the table; Please, the message read.  It was like he was waiting by his phone for any sort of communication from you.

Let me finish up this chapter of notes and then we can go? Like 30 minutes?

Your phone vibrated once more, I’ll meet you at your door x

You thumbs-ed up the message, wanting to get a quick response to him and head back to your notes.  This was the last of your coursework you needed to complete before you went back to school in a few days.  You just had to get through the chapter and then you could relax.  But all your mind could think of was the walk you would be going on with Shawn in thirty minutes.

Why were you nervous about seeing your boyfriend?  It wasn’t the butterflies you got in your stomach nerves when you first started dating.  This nervousness was a seed that had been planted long ago that kept growing and growing until it consumed your whole body.  Thirty minutes was too long and not settling well with whatever you were feeling in your stomach.  And it didn’t do your school work any justice if you weren’t paying attention.

You grabbed your phone and pulled up Shawn’s contact; finished the chapter early, you shared a little white lie over text, ready to go now?

Walking to your door now.

You put your pen in your textbook as a bookmark and closed it.  You slid on your sneakers and hurriedly tied the laces together.  You called out to your mom that you were going out on a walk with Shawn and that you would be back later.

You opened your front door to see Shawn with his fist mid-air, preparing to knock.  He seemed just as surprised as you to see him standing on your porch.  And you took the time to really look at him.

His hair was disheveled, curls out of control, and slight bags under his eyes.  His face looked a little more sunken in than the last time you saw him two days ago.  It pained your heart to see him like this.

“Hey––Uh––You ready?”

You nodded your head and stepped out into the brisk autumn air that made Pickering feel like home.  You closed the door behind you and reached up to wrap your arms around his neck in a hug.  Shawn immediately circled his arms around your waist, pulling you close into his chest.  You squeezed your eyes tight and breathed in his familiar scent that brought you comfort on your most troubling days.

You knew the purpose of getting together was to go on a walk, but you didn’t want to leave the embrace, and it seemed as though neither did Shawn.  His white cotton shirt was soft and you swore you could fall asleep right then and there.

Shawn pressed a kissed to the top of your head, “Feeling alright, darling?”

You stiffened in his arms at his simple question that held a heavier answer than the typical answer of I’m fine.  Shawn took notice in your change of posture and took his arms away from around your waist and took one of your hands in his, “Let’s take a walk, yeah?”

A nod was your only response as you let him guide you down your driveway and into the street.  His hand that wasn’t holding yours was anxiously picking at loose skin against his thumb.  When you noticed his actions, you proposed to him the same question he asked you, “Feeling alright?”

Your eyes were trained on his anxious hand, and when he took notice of where you were looking, he stuffed his hand in the pocket of his gray sweatpants, “I’m––Are you?”

“Turning the question back on me?” You let out a soft laugh as you swung your hands back and forth.

Shawn went along and over-dramatically swung your hands, “I asked you the question first.”  You shrugged your shoulders as you continued to swing your hands back and forth.

It was silent between the two of you for five minutes as you turned a corner off your street and walked alongside the grass when you saw an oncoming car.  When the car was gone, you were back to walking in the quiet street.

“I’m sorry,” Shawn blurted out, “I should’ve told you about writing with Camilla.”

You nodded your head, “Thanks…”

“But?”

You let out a deep breath and looked up at him, “Why didn’t you feel like you could tell me?”

“I––“ Shawn looked like he was about to answer truthfully, but then went with something that sounded along the lines of a media trained answer, “I know how you feel about her.”

“I’m fine with your friendship,” you clarified for him, “I just don’t get––she’s your friend––why wouldn’t you tell me that you’re writing a song with a friend?”

He was silent.

His palms began to feel sweaty and you gave him a reassuring squeeze, “Shawn, above anything else––I was your best friend before I was your girlfriend––talk to me.”

He let out a shaky breath, “Andrew wanted me to do something.”

You stopped walking momentarily, causing Shawn to stop walking as well.  He grasped onto your hand tight and looked down at you with pleading eyes for you to understand, “Something?”

“He––He wanted to have some stupid article written about us––Camilla and me––about how writing songs together made us realize––but I said no.” Shawn quickly threw out the rest of his explanation when he saw your eyes widened and hand start to slip away from his hold, “I said I wouldn’t do that to you.”

He was withholding more information.  You didn’t know how you could tell, but you could feel that he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.

“And?”

Shawn let out another deep breath and ran his hand through his already unkempt hair, “He called me yesterday.”

“And?”

“He wants me to go out to lunch or something with her––look like we’re more than friends––to boost the new song.”

You didn’t know if you preferred the media trained answer or the truth.

“You’re––you’re not saying anything else,” you stammered out.  Before, when he mentioned the article he said he rejected the idea.  But he was silent after this explanation, “Why aren’t you saying anything else?” 

“Y/n––“

This time, you were successful in ripping your hand away from Shawn’s hold, “You’re really considering it?  Really considering taking her out on a date just to boost your sales?”

“It’s not a date, she’s just a––“

“Friend,” you seethed out, “Shawn, you know how I feel about her!”

“She hasn’t done anything to you!”

You took a small step away from him.  You couldn’t believe that he was defending her in front of you instead of defending your relationship with him in front of his manager. 

“She drools all over you whenever you’re around!” You tried your best to keep your voice leveled, not wanting to have a full out argument with Shawn in public, “Hell, whenever you’re mentioned, she latches on to it––Oh, Shawn and I are the best of friends––Oh, Shawn is so dreamy––Oh, Shawn––“

“Are you jealous?”

“Of course I’m jealous!” You threw your hands up in exasperation, “You’re my boyfriend.”

Shawn was silent for a moment, he pinched his lip between his thumb and index finger, “It’s just one lunch––We’ve gone out to lunch together before.”

A piece of your heart broke off every time he defended her, “But this is different.  You’ll have to sit next to her instead of across the table from her.  You’ll have to hold her hand,” your voice wavered and you bit your lip to try and keep your emotions hidden, “You’ll have to look like you’re in love with her.”

He was silent.  His eyes softened, looking at you as if all those scenarios hadn’t gone through his head.

“She’s already caused one break up,” You stared down at your scuffed up sneakers as you breathed out, “do you really want her to be the reason for another?”

Shawn straightened his posture, “Who said anything about breaking up?”

You crossed your arms over your chest out of insecurity, you wanted to be guarded from Shawn in every aspect, “You’d be going out on a date with her––“

“It’s not a date.”

“Have you thought of how it would make me look?”  A single tear escaped from your eye.  Shawn made a move forward, a hand stretched out, wanting to wipe it away himself, but you stepped back, “I’d be written off as Shawn Mendes’s stupid lovesick teenage sweetheart who wasn’t good enough for him so he runs to Camilla–––“

“You’re not stupid––“

“I feel like it!”  You raised your voice.  It caught both of you off guard.  A few birds flew away from the tree you were stood under, “I feel stupid because we keep playing these games, Shawn.”

“There aren’t––What games?”

Shawn stepped forward once more, but like a dance, you stepped back.  

You felt another tear fall from the corner of your eye, staining your cheek, “We’re together, we break up, get back together, break up,” you stared into the heartbreak that shined so bright in his fiery eyes and choked out a sob, “Aren’t you getting tired?”

This time when Shawn stepped forward, you let him touch you.  You let him place both hands on your shoulder, softly rubbing them as his hands carefully trailed down your arms and to your hands, where he tangled your fingers together, “But that’s us. We’re complicated and––and sure we break up a lot––but so do lots of other people and we always get back together––I’ll try harder, I’ll be better.”

You shook your head side to side as you felt Shawn’s hands clutch yours.  He wanted you to say something, begging you with every squeeze of you hand, but you continued to shake your head no; you felt your throat constrict and the stinging behind your eyes intensify.

Nostrils flared, Shawn paused to think over his next words carefully, “I love you.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” you whispered as the tears behind your eyes grew too much for you to hold back, surrendering all control to your feelings, you let the tears slip through.  Shawn made no move to wipe them away, and you let them trail down your face as a reinforcement to him as to how he was making you feel, “It feels like you’re picking her over me, your girlfriend––your best friend.”

“It’s one lunch––“

“I can’t believe you,” you were struggling to keep your tone neutral, but failed as you tore your hands away from his and brought the sleeve of your––his––sweatshirt to wipe away the tears that couldn’t stop falling, “After everything––everything we’ve been through?  You’re picking––“

“You know I would never fucking pick my career over you,” Shawn cut you off.  His voice was full of a mix between anger and determination to get you to believe him, but you could also see that he felt hurt, “You’re worth more to me than any of this.”

“Am I?”  

His sweatshirt on your body felt as if it was melting into your skin.  You wanted it off.  Hastily, you took the sweatshirt off and threw it at him.  He made no move to catch it as he let it drop to the pavement.

“Y/n––“

“I can’t––Shawn, we can’t…” you couldn’t bring yourself to say that you didn’t want to be together with him.  Because, God, all you wanted was to be with him.  All you wanted was to feel safe in his embrace again, all you wanted was to hear him annoyingly talk through every movie you saw together, all you wanted was for him to love you unconditionally; like you loved him.

He took a step forward, “Don’t do this,” Shawn pleaded with you.  

You gritted your teeth, jaw rigid as you felt your world collapsing around you,“Don’t go on that date.”

He looked away from you, kicked a pebble to the side of the road, and played nervously with his hands, “I can’t––This song means so much––“

Your heart was hanging on by a weak thread and it had just snapped.

Your choked sob cut Shawn off on his own.  You brought a hand to cover your mouth, to somehow mask the sound of your cries as you looked up at the sky.  There wasn’t anybody up there looking out for you.

“Don’t––Don’t you ever dare call me again.”

In every fairytale, the boy always chased after the girl after a climatic scene; whether it be after a professing of love or a break up, much like the one you just had with Shawn.  The girl always wanted the boy to chase after her, and was always upset when he didn’t.  But this wasn’t a fairytale; this was a game.  Shawn didn’t chase after you and you didn’t want him to. 

The short walk back to your house was silent as you sobbed alone.  You made it to your front door––the last place you hugged Shawn––and a fresh wave a tears surfaced.  Your body trembled as you shakily opened the door.  You tried to keep your sobs to a minimum, not wanting to alert your parents of your state, but you heard it.

You heard the screech of the creaking floorboard.

You pressed your back against the door.  It felt as if you were floating, an out of body experience––This one creaks a lot––you could see a six-year-old Shawn and yourself running through the house, up the stairs, and suddenly stopping on the fifth stair as a little Shawn smiled at you and pointed down toward the sixth step––Mrs. Phillips didn’t like the sound of it.

You slid down the wall as you replayed through every detail of your friendship: sleepovers, prank calls, matching halloween costumes as you trick-or-treated through out the neighborhood.  And then you replayed through every detail of your relationship: stammering words as you two didn’t know how to cross the line from friends to more, delicate touches, the first night you spent alone together at his Toronto apartment, heartbreak.

“Y/n?”

The sound of your mother’s voice only caused you to let out another loud sob.  Your cries were so loud that it covered the sound of your mother taking another step on the sixth stair as she rushed over to you.  

She knelt down on the ground in front of you and tried pulling your hands away from your face, “Y/n––Sweetie––Are you hurt––It sounds like you were in an accident, please, tell me if you need to go to the hospital––“

“We’re done, mom,” you finally gave up and let her pull your hands away from your face.  Her face fell as she took in your appearance; raggedy hair in all directions, flaming red face, and bloodshot eyes with tears still heavily falling down.

She pressed a hand to your forehead, “You’re burning up dear.”

“He––He doesn’t love me.”

Verbalizing your worst nightmare didn’t make it any better.  Verbalizing it only made it more real.  Verbalizing that Shawn didn’t love you shattered your heart.  The shards of your broken heart ripped apart every part of your body that was touched by Shawn.  And there was not an inch of your body left untouched by him.

Everything hurt.

Your mother didn’t say anything.  She only did what any good mother could do to comfort their child during a heartbreak; she wrapped you up in her arms, the only place you felt safe, and rocked you back and forth until you stopped crying.

You cried all through the night and into the next morning.  

The inside of your head pounded with a splitting headache when you awoke the following mid-afternoon.  Everything that happened yesterday seemed like a fever dream––it had to be a dream––but the dead weight in your chest where your heart was supposed to be reminded you of it all.

He wants me to go to lunch with her––You squeezed your eyes shut to hold back the tears–––She hasn’t done anything to you–––You buried your head beneath the pillow, doing everything to block out the echoing words of Shawn belittling your concerns–––I love you–––You never wanted to hear anyone say those three words to you ever again–––Don’t do this–––Your bottom lip trembled as you bit your lip to conceal your cry of heartbreak––This song means so much.

Your muffled your tears into your pillow, no doubt staining the cover.  This break up felt different than the other times.  Every time, you were able to pick up the pieces and repair your heart.  Every time, you found it in yourself to forgive him and fall in love with him all over again.  Every time, you lowered your standards, preparing yourself for another inevitable heartbreak.

But this felt different. Everything felt different.

Your pale ocean blue walls mourned with you.  Your bathroom that Shawn would hide from your parents in when he would sneak over felt tainted.  The high pitch screech of the sixth step…Didn't sound as ear splitting.

You made your way to the kitchen, slumping into one of the bar stools and rested your forehead on the cool counter.  The sound of a ceramic mug sliding against the granite countertop caused you to slightly lift your head.  Your mother stood on the opposite side, a trying smile on her face.

“Hi, darling.”

Darling.

You sucked in a deep breath and held it in as you tried blocking out the memories associated with that word.  That word would forever be intertwined with Shawn and there was no way you could separate the two.

Avoiding her eyes, you slowly nodded your head.  Your eyes darted around the countertop, searching for your phone that you left on it after you returned from the walk with Shawn; your ex-boyfriend.  A pang of pain zipped through your chest as you reached for your phone and flipped it over.

You didn’t know what you were expecting.  You didn’t know if it would be better to have a hundred missed calls and twenty unread text messages or nothing at all. You didn’t know what outcome you wanted.

So when you tapped on the screen to illuminate a picture of you and Shawn; cheeks smushed together as the two of you faced the camera to smile with his arms wrapped around you––Your eyes shut tight in happiness, his eyes open wide with love––you saw nothing.

There were no missed calls, no unread text messages.  Your lock screen was void of any contact from Shawn.

You clenched your teeth together as you flipped your phone upside down and slid it across the counter to your mom, “Change––change my home screen.”

“Y/n, darling––”

There was that word again.

“Change––” you sniffled as you looked down into your dark tea, “––It,” a single tear slowly fell from your eyes, painfully slow down your cheek, as it splashed into your tea creating a ripple.

“Please,” you said in a choked voice barely above a whisper.

You had told him to never call you again––To never have any contact with you ever again.  And at the time yesterday, you meant it with every bone in your body.  But Shawn had always texted you after a break up.  He had always texted you to check in because, first and foremost, he was your best friend. 

Was.

[nakamina]

What is Produce 101 Japan? + Fav members

Hello again! Today, I’m here with another long blog post NOT about Yuzuru Hanyu or anime but............ PRODUCE 101 JAPAN!! Because there are just not enough posts about it on Tumblr. AGH! WHY!? So here we go...

What is Produce 101 Japan?

Produce 101 Japan is a 2019 Japanese reality competition show and a spin-off of the South Korean television series Produce 101 . The show follows 101 trainees with the intention of producing an 11-member boy band. The members, group name, and concepts are selected by viewers, referred to as "national producers." The series was first announced in April 2019 as a co-production between Yoshimoto Kogyo and CJ E&M and premiered on September 25, 2019, with the first and final episodes airing on TBS while the full series will be streamed on GyaO! beginning September 26, 2019. - Totally not copied and pasted from wiki lol 

So yes, if you are familiar with the Korean Produce 101 franchise then you get the gist; if not, it is basically a Japanese idol show where the viewers get to vote and decide who will debut in the end as part of a 11-member boy band. Almost each week the ranking is released to the public online. This ranking resets every 3-4 weeks, so every trainee has the opportunity to redeem themselves as well as drop down in rank. Currently 9 out of 12 episodes have aired. The final episode is set to air on December 11, 2019. 

Who are MY top 11 members? 

So my favourite part of this blog has come! I will now show case my top/favourite 11 members of Produce 101 Japan. So obviously these are the members that I hope will make it into the final 11 to debut as a group. I will first list their age, prefecture, current rank (as of 27th Nov 2019), audition group (as some members entered this show as a group), position/persona (made up by me) and a short blurb about what I like about them. FYI this is not in any particular order......except for maybe no.1 hehe. 

1. Shiroiwa Ruki

Age: 22 Prefecture: Tokyo, Japan Current rank: 4th  Audition group: Hangyaku no Prince  Position/persona: A prince on the outside, a dork on the inside

Ruki is by far my favourite trainee and my 1-pick. He is a total visual, an all rounder and the dark horse of this show. His rank has been steadily improving and just last week he jumped from 13th place to 4th place! So far he has been the centre for all of the group battle performances. He is known for his “Prince” persona, and yes on stage he is indeed like a prince from a Shojo-manga; however, as some other trainees have confessed he is actually quite dorky and down to earth. I mean, in his 60-second PR video he sang while nonchalantly playing a guitar that was clearly out of tune (face palm). Furthermore, he talks to his dorm mates on and on until 4am only because he gets lonely and doesn’t want to be the last one to fall asleep. This young fella just yearns for some company haha. With all jokes aside though, I think he honestly has the potential to challenge the current top three members and be chosen as the final centre. 

2. Komatsu Koshin

Age: 18 Prefecture: Hyogo, Japan Current rank: 28th Audition group: Puchi-men  Position/persona: Small boy with a big heart 

Komatsu-kun is a 18 year old high schooler that has captured the hearts of many with his cute face and personality. Ruki may be my 1-pick, but Komatsu-kun was the first trainee I had my eyes on. He is very underrated IMHO as he just does not get enough screen time. But you can tell from the few scenes that he is featured in that he is so polite, cares a lot about his fellow peers and can always lift up the the entire mood within the team. He also has a stable vocal and solid dance skills. He may be small (165cm), but he has a heart of a giant. 

3. Uehara Jun 

Age: 23 Prefecture: Tokyo, Japan Current rank: 5th Audition group: n/a Position/persona: King of Rap 

Where do I even begin with Uehara Jun!? He was actually in Produce X (4th season of the Produce franchise in Korea) but as he could not make the final cut there, he has now committed to this second opportunity in Japan to make his debut as an idol. Jun has many amazing qualities, one of the obvious ones being his skills as a rapper. Honestly, he is in a league of his own when it comes to rap. I’m no rap pro, but when he raps it just sounds so GOOD! When he first started off I think a lot of viewers were hesitant to vote for him as he had the tendency to succumb to pressure and self-guilt, but as the weeks went by he really redeemed himself and gained a lot more confidence. I mean...the fact that he moved from one season to another without second thought just shows he really wants this, and I genuinely hope he will make it into the final 11. He deserves it and the group will suffer without a top-quality rapper like him. 

4. Kono Junki

Age: 21 Prefecture: Nara, Japan Current rank: 11th  Audition group: Six Packs Position/persona: Kpop ready vocals and visual 

Junki is a very handsome trainee with a beautiful voice. Despite having little to no experience with singing or dancing prior to this show, he has really demonstrated the ability to adapt and deliver. Also his face and voice is so Kpop worthy it’s crazy. If I saw him walking down the street with no prior knowledge of who he is and someone told me he is a Kpop idol I will be convinced. He has also been voted by the other trainees as one of the top visuals. Oh and did I mention he has amazing muscles? I mean he did audition as part of a group called “Six Packs” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). 

5. Yonashiro Sho 

Age: 24 Prefecture: Okinawa, Japan   Current rank: 8th Audition group: Six Packs Position/persona: 50 Shades of Yonashiro 

Ah yes... Yonashiro, the Christian Grey of Produce 101 Japan. I say this because many viewers find his face, body and most of all his VOICE to be very sensual. He is a member of Six Packs, the same group as Kono Junki, so of course he has muscles and is also an amazing vocalist. His deep liquid gold voice has just added so much spice to every group performance that he has been a part of, and is now regarded as one of the  best vocalists of all the trainees. You may think that he is this know-it-all arrogant narcissist because of his looks, but he is actually very kind, considerate of others and has genuine passion for singing. 

6. Kim Heecheon 

Age: 25 Prefecture: South Korean  Current rank: 14th  Audition group: Hello Again  Position/persona: Ready to lead a country 

Heecheon was a former member of the Kpop group Halo. As they disbanded, he decided to join this show alongside two other former members of Halo (Younghoon & Youndong). Due to their experience Halo is really on a league of their own in many ways. Their dance, vocals, performance and professionalism as an idol are just top notch and SO stable. Heecheon particularly has a voice of an angel. He can really hit those high notes and it sounds so tranquil. One of the vocal trainers even praised him for it in one of the first episodes. He has also demonstrated great leadership skills. He has the ability to gain everyone’s trust and respect, while not being afraid to give constructive criticism and call out on those who are not being professional within the team. He is so level-headed, but that is not to say he isn’t fun. He is actually so funny and I am just impressed how well he understands Japanese sense of humour despite being Korean. Heecheon for president anyone?? 

7. Jeong Younghoon

Age: 26 Prefecture: South Korea Current rank: 6th  Audition group: Hello Again  Position/persona: Embodiment of Kindness 

Look up “kindness” in your dictionary and you are sure to find his name. Younghoon, the eldest member of the Halo trio, is such a kind-hearted individual. One of the younger trainees even said that he wants Younghoon in his group during one of the group battles because he is kind (uwu). He has actually been judged quite harshly by the trainers despite being a former Kpop idol, and was even placed in group C (3rd lowest group) at one point. Even with these challenges he never showed the slightest bit of annoyance towards the trainers and accepted to improve on the flaws the he was criticised for. Like Heecheon, he has also gained a lot of trust and admiration from the other trainees.

8. Kim Youndong

Age: 24 Prefecture: South Korea Current rank: 10  Audition group: Hello Again  Position/persona: Little Mr Sunshine 

Youndong, also a former member of Halo, is such a sunshine of the show. He is absolutely a pleasure to watch both on and off stage and is always smiling. He is probably the least fluent in Japanese out of the Halo trio, but that in itself is what makes him so charming. His personality is so likeable I think it is impossible for anyone to hate him. Not to mention his stunning presence while performing. 

9. Kawanishi Takumi 

Age: 20 Prefecture: Hyogo, Japan Current rank: 12th  Audition group: KSIX Position/persona: Princess

I think Takumi is a must needed member for the final 11. He really is a talented individual. He apparently has no experience with dancing or singing but for some reason he manages to always pull off complicated choreos and is also working steadily on his vocals right now. He may be ranked 12th at the moment, but he was previously ranked no.1, so I’m sure his one-pickers will place him back up high in the ranking again soon enough. He is also labelled as the “Princess” of Produce 101 Japan due to his picture perfect looks. Unsurprisingly he was also voted as the no.1 visual by the trainees. I mean just look at him, those eyes just so striking and and full of hope! 

10. Kawashiri Ren 

Age: 22 Prefecture: Fukuoka, Japan Current rank: 2nd Audition group: UN Backers  Position/persona: Mr Perfect 

Now Ren is a special one. He is a very experienced dancer and is one of, if not the best dancer of all the trainees. He has worked as a back dancer for many Kpop and Jpop groups such as FT Island, WannaOne, Pentagon and SMAP. Of course he is not the only experienced dancer in the show, but every move of his is so effortless and clean. He was voted as the very first centre of Produce 101 Japan, and maintained this position throughout the first half of the season. His rank has now dropped down to 2nd, but he still maintains an incredible amount of following. He has so much aura and has garnered a lot of respect from the other trainees. I think it’s safe to say that he will make it into the final 11 and will undoubtedly be one of the top contenders for the final centre position. 

11. Tsurubo Shion 

Age: 18 Prefecture: Shiga, Japan Current rank: 3rd  Audition group: n/a  Position/persona: Bad boy gone sweet

I think Shion is a type that really pulls the ladies’ heart strings. Similar to Uehara Jun, Shion also sees Produce 101 as his second chance to accomplish his dream as an idol, as he has had a history of failing an audition....an audition which he even dropped out of high school for. There was some negativity around his reputation at the start as the trainers addressed his “rude” attitude in the first episode (By rude, he talked over some of the trainers and hosts, and was not using proper formal language). This was only for the first episode and was most likely due to nerves of being on screen as as the weeks went by we saw him break out of his shell and show a very sweet side of him. I mean just look at his pure smile in the GIF below! 

Honourable mentions

Now I am going to cheat a bit and show case three other trainees that could not make it into MY top 11 but deserves a mention. 

Ando Tomoaki 

Age: 22 Prefecture: Fukuoka, Japan Current rank: 7th Audition group: Six Packs Position/persona: Michelangelo’s Ando

The third member of Six Packs. I say he’s “Michelangelo’s” Ando because he has such deep set eyes and western facial features. One trainee said that he’s like one of the statues you’d find in the Louvre lol. Ando may very well be the most talented vocalist in Six Packs. It would be very sad to not see all of the three Six Packs members make it into the final 11, so thats why I have placed him here. 

Honda Kosuke 

Age: 24  Prefecture: Fukushima, Japan Current rank: 15th Audition group: Hangyaku no Prince  Position/persona: Big bro Honda 

Honda is so big bro-material. Even Kawajiri Ren, one of the most respected trainees comes to him for moral support. I actually would be really happy if he makes it into the final 11 with Ruki because they are from the same group and have such a strong bond (cries). So much drama happened around him during one of the group battles, and he is such a great dancer and choreographer. 

Urano Shuta

Age: 22 Prefecture: Kanagawa, Japan Current rank: 34th Audition group: Hangyaku no Prince  Position/persona: Mood maker 

Urano Shuta, also a member of Hangyaku no Prince, is someone that very recently caught my attention. He has a great voice and great sense of humour. Honestly, every scene he is featured in just cracks me up because he is always pulling off jokes. Let’s give him a bonus GIF for his loveable humour. 

In Summary 

Produce 101 Japan is such an entertaining, dramatic and inspiring show. I am usually not into idols at all (Kpop or Jpop), so I am honestly surprised just how invested I have become. I’ve only showcased 14 trainees today, but no joke each one of them has something to offer and you just have to watch it to understand the greatness of this show. Unfortunately you are only able to vote if you live in Japan (as it requires to have a Japanese cell phone number). Since I don’t live in Japan I thought this blog post is the least I could do to help promote the trainees. If you are able to please check this show out! You can use a VPN to watch all the episodes on Gyao. Otherwise, they have an official youtube channel and many fans have uploaded videos of Produce 101 Japan as well online. 

Thanks so much if you made it to the end of this blog! And I’m sorry if this is not the kind of content you expected from me. Do not fret though, plenty of Yuzuru Hanyu content will still be coming from me. 

Adios until my next blog post!! 

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Sweet angel Ryan— personality 7, 10, 14, 16, 20, 23; friends and family 7; past and present 4, 9: love 6

OOF. Sorry it took a year and a day to get to these! Ryan Brenner character asks part two! 

7- What makes him laugh out loud? 

Ryan laughs a lot when he’s with his cousins. They have tons of good memories from growing up together to call upon, and even as they’ve all gotten older the shenanigans haven’t really stopped. They still gang up on one another to tease or joke, they still poke fun at each other for things they say or do. Ryan gets back to Georgia every three years- sometimes more often if there’s a big family event or if he’s nearby anyway, but sometimes he’ll meet up with some of them on the road, too if they’re traveling. He’s met up with Taylor when she was on vacation with her family, for instance, and Zach quite a few times because he travels a lot himself, moving from place to place but always settling back home for a while in between. But Ryan is most comfortable with his family, whether it’s his cousins or his tribe, so all of his expressions are going to be bigger when he’s around them, including laughter.

10- How does he see himself? 

Ryan is comfortable with himself for the most part. He sees himself as an honest, well-intentioned, good-natured person who puts his all into everything he does and who finds enjoyment in the simple things that life has to offer. Occasionally someone gives him a look, turning their nose up or curling their lip at his dirty hands or overgrown hair, his “lived in” jacket or the stains on his jeans. Sometimes he’ll hear comments mumbled under the breath of passersby, the word “bum” or “degenerate” hitting his ear harshly. When this happens, it hurts and sometimes it makes him angry- who are these people to judge him? Why do people feel the need to form opinions on the makeup of a man based on what he wears or how he chooses to live? Why do superficial things matter more to people than the things they’d learn about him if they bothered to? But he’s very well adjusted, and the feelings of inadequacy or anger fade relatively quickly for the most part, because he knows that he’s a good person. He knows that he can sleep at night with no stains on his conscious. He knows that he loves the life he leads, and he knows that he has people who understand him.

14- What is his greatest fear? 

I inadvertently answered this one in another round of asks, but sure, I’ll ramble on it some more.

His greatest fear is dying alone. He’s not scared of much, and he knows that he’s making choices in his life that aren’t always the safest, so it’s not a fear that stops him from doing anything that he wants to do, it’s not something he thinks about all the time, and it’s certainly not something he’s ever acknowledged out loud. But his father, Oz and Cowboy all spent their last moments alone, and while the three of them had lived a little more dangerously than Ryan, he couldn’t help but to draw parallels and recognize that only the smallest of mishaps could lead him down the same road.

  16- When was the last time that he cried? 

(settle in this one’s lengthy.)

  It was a few months before arriving in Denver; October 28th to be exact. He was playing at a small Hometown Festival in a suburb of Cleveland with Georgie and Louie, the three of them occupying stools on a raised wooden stage. It had been a perfect Autumn day. The sun was alone in a cornflower sky, the crisp blue expanse painting the perfect background for the deep burgundy and brilliant gold foliage. Though it was late in the season, it had been warm all day, and Ryan had been able to roll up his jacket and tuck it under the straps of his pack, feeling much lighter as he walked the booth lined street, carefully inspecting each and every stall, watching vendors crafting or cooking, noticing the detail work on displayed items like sun catchers, soaps and silver work, sampling a warm cider or a soft pretzel.

He’d joined up with his friends that morning, after Georgie had called him a week before with news.

“Got us a gig, Ry! A real one with cash an’ all that.” Georgie was always full of excitement even when there was nothing to be excited about, but when there was he downright teemed with it. Some things never change.

“Woah, slow down, Georgie,” Ryan chuckled as he exhaled a puff of the cigarette he held between his thumb and pointer finger, the steel floor of the train car rattling beneath him, somewhere between Des Moines and Cedar Rapids.  “What’dya sayin’ now?”

He’d gone on to explain that he met a musician up in Michigan. He’d been working some odd jobs up there, skirting the shore of the lake before the weather chased him further south, and Cole- the banjo picker he’d met- had tipped him off to a local festival in his home town that he was headed down to play at. Georgie had eagerly looked into it, ravenous as always for opportunities to play and be heard, and once he’d checked the date and location, he’d wasted no time in contacting the event organizer and booked a spot. He’d called Ryan as soon as he’d gotten off the phone with the scheduler, planning to give Louie a ring next.

“A’right,” Ryan took the last drag before stubbing out the butt under his boot. “When do I gotta be there?” Georgie told him the date and Ryan froze, leaning forward, a tight twist in his chest. But that’s… 

When ten seconds went by without a response, Georgie repeated Ryan’s name. “Hey, you still there, Ry?”

Ryan cleared his throat and shook his head. “Yeah’m here, Georgie, just...d’you say October 28th? That’s…”

“Yeah,” Georgie cut him off quietly. “Yeah, I know. Cowboy’s birthday.” He paused and Ryan could feel it through the phone line, the mutual missing of their friend. “But I think…ya know, maybe that’s what he’d want, right? Us all…”

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed. “Yeah, I think that’s what he’d want.” I know it is.

It had been the perfect kind of day, and just the kind of day that Cowboy would have loved. Ryan smiled to himself imagining his friend twirling Virginia unexpectedly before plopping a kiss to her cheek and then reaching behind her to flick Georgie’s ear while the group casually toured the blocked off boulevard. Miss you brother.

When the day had turned to dusk, music started to float through the now chilly air. The lights that had been strung up over the stage blinked to life, their soft orange glow complementing the corn husks and pumpkins that stood at either end of the wood plank platform. Bands and soloists, singers and musicians all took their turns delighting the crowd of locals, Ryan, Georgie and Louie following a pair of sisters who fiddled faster than Ryan had ever seen. They’d played a few favorites, a couple new tunes that Ryan had been toying with, his voice warming the hearts and souls of the red-cheeked faces gathered in front of the stage. Feels right to be doin’ this tonight. He poured his memories and feelings into his performance, paying tribute to his friend in the only way he knew how.

Their set ended, the three of them rising from their stools to cheers and applause, smiles broad and eyes brimming with happiness. As they turned to leave the stage to make room for the next act, a frantic young girl in an event staff sweatshirt came jogging towards them, waving her clipboard.

“Hey hang on a sec, you guys wanna play another set?” She asked the question in a way that told Ryan that she didn’t want to beg but that it wasn’t off the table. Her eye brows wrinkled up and her lips tipped down. “The next guy…apparently he had one… or six too many ciders and, well,” she dramatically winced, drawing a warm chuckle from Ryan and snickers from Georgie and Louie. “He was supposed to close out the show, so…”

“You got yourself a deal, lil lady,” Georgie Extended his hand passed Ryan and the girl eagerly shook it.

“Great, thank you so much. I’ll see that you get paid for both sets of course, and-“

“Hold on, Georgie,” Ryan turned, bemused smirk on his lips. “We just played most’a the songs we know, what’re we gonna…”

“You could take requests, maybe?” The young volunteer suggested hopefully.

“There you go, Ry, we could take requests, maybe.” Georgie grinned.

Ryan blew out a laugh through his nose and shook his head. “A’right, let’s take some requests, maybe.” He gestured towards the stage and the girl visibly let go of at least half the stress she was under, thanking them profusely. The crowd cheered as they settled back in their stools, quieting down as Ryan leaned forward to speak into the mic. “Thank y’all so much,” he said, cheeks red with more than just the chill. Singing was one thing, but talking to a crowd wasn’t something Ryan had much practice with. “We’re gonna stick around if that’s alright with you.” The cheers he was met with made his cheeks nearly swallow his eyes. “So if there’s somethin’ you wanna hear, come on over’n let us know.”

They started off with another old song that they’d played together hundreds of times before the requests started coming in. Most were songs they knew, a few they’d had to turn down because they didn’t fit their style, but all the songs they’d played had kept the crowd happy. When they got down to their last one, though, Ryan knew it would be a struggle to get through, but that he’d give it all he had. He plucked at the strings of his guitar, the first few notes slow and sweet and soothing, a knot already sticking in his throat as he started in with the lyrics.  

There are places I'll rememberAll my life, though some have changedSome forever, not for betterSome have gone, and some remain

Eyes shut the entire time, Ryan let his emotions take the reins, singing with his heart, from deep within it’s center, about the friend he’d been fortunate enough to find at a crossroads in his life; the friend who left too soon but who’d left an indelible mark on his life. As the song slowed and finished, he felt the breeze hit his face and realized that his eyes were damp. Huh. He hadn’t realized that tears had started to gather in the corners of his eyes, too focused on the song and the feeling it was filled with to even be in his skin while he sang it. He quickly swiped the wetness from his eyes with his thumb before smiling as Georgie took the lead in thanking the crowd for a second time.

As soon as everything was settled and the earnings had been split, Ryan wandered off while Georgie and Louie found a bar around the corner. “I’ll catch you guys’n a minute,” he told them. “Gotta just make a call real quick.” Leaning against a stack of hay bales near the entrance of the festival, he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed one of the few numbers he had memorized. It only rang once before the voice on the other end came through.

“Ryan?”

“Hey, Ginny, yeah, it’s me. Just wanted to tell ya that Georgie’n Louie’n me just got done playin’, an…” he paused and heard her exhale, the puff of air hitting the speaker in a way that told Ryan she’d spent most of the day going back and forth between crying and smiling. “An it was… it was really good, Gin. I just… I wanted you to know.” I wanted you to know we played for him, Gin.

 “That’s great, Ryan… that’s…”

 “I miss him, Ginny. But it felt… right, ya know.”

 “I know. It is right. He’d love that.” Virginia had a way of wrapping you up in her voice, cozy like a blanket, even before she became a mother. Ryan knew that the day was a struggle for her, too, in vastly different ways that were just as strong. But they found comfort in one another, in the family that they’d formed. “I can’t wait to see you, Ry. It’s gonna be real good to see you.”

 “Yeah,” he sniffed and straightened back up, startin towards the bar where his friends were. “See you soon, V’ginia.”

  20- What is his sinful little habit? 

Sinful? This angel? Ryan has lots of habits. He has lots of quirks and things that make him unique. But none of them are sinful, especially now. He’s a man of strong morals and good values, and he tries his best to take care of himself- sure, he smokes, and sure, from time to time he drinks, but since he straightened out (his teen years were a little sketchy) he hasn’t formed any habits that could be called “sinful”.

  23- What are his pet peeves? 

  Ryan CANNOT stand when someone thinks they’re better than someone else based on job title, money or status. That’s why he had to intervene in Caribou when that bozo with the big bucks was berating you for spilling a little coffee on his jacket. He doesn’t go looking for confrontation (anymore) but he can’t hold his tongue if he hears someone being unfairly discriminated against because they have stains on their jeans or scuffs on their boots, because they make their living selling their art instead of selling stocks, because they chose a different path than the social norm.

 Friends and Family 

7- Who are his surprising allies? 

It’s not really surprising, but he and Taylor have always had a close bond. They’re close in age, but that’s not why. When Ryan came to live with his cousins and aunts and uncles – they all live in the same town, a few of them in the same neighborhood- he was a little sad and homesick at first. Even though he’d been spending summers with his extended family since he’d been born, the first few weeks after it became permanent, Ryan was quiet, withdrawn and preferred to be by himself rather than playing with his cousins. He felt like an outsider even though this was his family: they all got to stay with their parents while he had to leave his. His (half) brother got to stay, but he didn’t. It wasn’t fair, and it made him feel alone.  

One afternoon while the boys were all out catching frogs or setting off firecrackers or causing some manner of mischief, Ryan was sitting under the tree in his grandparent’s front yard, hiding from the sun and from any of the adults who were trying to get him to “talk about it”, when Taylor wordlessly came over and sat down next to him. At first, Ryan thought about telling her to leave him alone, but when he turned in her direction, he noticed she was crying. Her nose and eyes were red, and her cheeks were damp despite the fact that she was fervently wiping at them with the back of her hand in an effort to banish her tears. She sniffed, the action scrunching up her face, before letting out a melancholy little sigh, too sad for a pig-tailed little girl to make. “It ain’t fair,” she mumbled to Ryan.

Ryan noticed her right knee, scraped and bloodied and smeared with dirt, but he knew that wasn’t why she was crying. Taylor was tough, even if she was little, even if she was a girl. “What ain’t?” he asked her with a sniff of his own, the unruly mop of light brown hair on his head swinging into his eyes as he turned to face his cousin.

Taylor huffed, picking her arms up and letting them fall to her lap. “Bein’ left out,” she said, picking at the frayed white fringes trailing from her cut off denim shorts. “Just ‘cause I’m a girl, Tommy and Fitz and all them said I can’t come climbin’ trees with them.” She looked up at Ryan, a determined set to her eyes. “But I can, Ryan. I’ma good climber an’ I can do it they just don’ want me to and it ain’t fair.”

Ryan couldn’t help himself but laugh, which only made her frown deepen, made her whine ‘hey’. “I know you can climb, Taylor. I know you’rea good climber. They’re jus’ bein’ stupid.”

Her frown relaxed almost instantly, cheeks bouncing back into a near smile as a little giggle replaced the whining. “Yeah,” she giggled again, wiping the last of her tears from her eyes and leaving a smudge of dirt on her face as she did, “they are stupid, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.” Suddenly, Ryan didn’t want to sit and mope anymore. “C’mon,” he said, standing up and motioning for Taylor to do the same. “Let’s go show’m how stupid. Let’s go climb higher’n they can. I bet that’s what they’re really scared of anyway, that you’re gonna make’m look bad.”

Ryan became close with all of his cousins after that, but he and Taylor always remained outsider allies. The only one who grew up without parents, and the only girl in a pack of wild boys.

past and present 

4- What is the most offensive thing he has ever said? 

I hope you don’t take this as a cop out, but Ryan doesn’t really say offensive things. Even when he was young and got himself into trouble, it was always stuff like tagging overpasses or distracting the checkout girl while a buddy stole a bottle of whiskey or getting into a fight in public (one that he wouldn’t have started but also wouldn’t have walked away from) and never from saying anything hurtful. Even when Chloe broke his heart with her decision- he could have been mean. He could have been spiteful. But he wasn’t. He was compassionate and even though he was hurting, he only tried to be supportive and understanding of her. When he was younger he had some rough edges, but Ryan’s a good soul soup to nuts.

9- What advice would he give to his younger self? 

That life is short and its better spent on the good stuff. This is something that’s been constant in his life- losing his father at a young age, having things up-ended on him when he had to move, leaving to go out on his own at 16, losing friends too young… he eventually learned this, the hard way, but the first few years on the road he got up to no good, wasted time getting into fights and finding trouble, trying to express all the pent up anger or negative energy that he didn’t even realize he’d been holding onto. But once he met Cowboy and Georgie and started taking his music seriously, he learned that its better to laugh than fight. It’s better to make people smile than frown. It’s better to leave the world a brighter place than you’d found it. It’s better to make the most of your time instead of wishing things were different. That’s the advice he’d give to anyone in their teens, when you think you’re invincible and that everyone’s entitled to reaching a ripe old age.

love 

6- Has he ever been in love? 

Yes. I talked about this one in another answer, but Ryan was in love with a girl named Chloe, a free spirit like himself. She was a sculpture artist who lived most of the year in Montana, and the rest of the time wherever the wind blew. They were head over heels for each other and both understood the other’s need for travel and adventure, for the unknown and the call of the road. They were together for a little over two years, until she made a choice that derailed their relationship, and she couldn’t accept Ryan’s forgiveness. Now they’ve both moved on, and still keep in touch from time to time. She’s married now, and Ryan couldn’t be happier for her. 

THANK YOU so much for these asks! 

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

POST #24- J’s Year in Review 2019

Jesus Christ it’s 36 degrees and dark at 5:30. The most depressing time of year for me. I owe my friends a few reviews and keep putting them off. I’ll do them tomorrow. Hell, maybe when I have time over the weekend I’ll get that one out I promised a few weeks ago. Here I am, sitting on the couch trying to figure out which record I want to highlight next. It’s a daunting task. A lesson I’ve learned over the past year. I need to get those reviews out but my mind (and ears) get the best of me. What do I do instead? I listen to a couple of records and skip right to the end. What I mean by end is that cliche year in review article that all music journalists put out with their favorite artists, songs, records, and shows of the year. This is all new to me. Shortly after the new year I decided it was time for me to get in the game. I don’t have much to offer but I wanted to put my perspective on paper. My first article was a piece about Tyler Childers raising awareness and getting a large donation of bottled water for the citizens of Martin County, Kentucky. I knew about Martin County. I didn’t know how deep it went. It wasn’t the meet and greet and small solo set that made me want to write about my experience. It was Tyler’s words. It was the raw emotion and the choked up words that inspired me to be a writer. I wanted as many people to know about this event as I could possibly get the word to. Be it 5, 10, 20 or even 30 people that read the article and learned about the plight of the citizens of Martin County have been in for years. That maybe 5, 10, 20 or even 30 people that may learn how to contact their representative and ask questions. I hope it inspires people to learn about their community and lend a helping hand to those in need. That event was last year, but it inspired my path this year.

Let me begin by saying that I have met some of the most amazing people over the past 12 months. I will touch on as many of those people as much as I can. I am going to highlight the music that has moved me over the same amount of time. I’m gonna forget people. I’m sorry in advance. I could put a list of my top 10 albums out but that just wouldn’t be fair. To be honest, there is one album that stands head and shoulders above all others. It’s not even a competition. How do you compete with amazing art? I look at it like its a steady stream of good shit coming out and keeping my playlist full.

Album of the Year (Any Genre)

Sound and Fury - Sturgill Simpson

Why?

It’s f*cking amazing. Earth shattering. Ground breaking. LOUD!

Sturgill Simpson took everything you thought you knew about him and his music, threw it out the window of his muscle car, and backed over it about a hundred times. This man does not give a shit. I screwed up on my first listen. There are two ways this album should be heard. 1) On a turntable with the volume turned as loud as it can possibly go. 2) Watching the accompanying anime movie with the volume turned as loud as it can possibly go. Unfortunately I did neither. Most of my first listen was a track at a time on my phone or in my truck. Dead. Wrong. If I had it to do over again I would most definitely start with the anime.

I get it. Anime is not for everyone. If I could give someone a starting point with anime, it would most definitely be Sound and Fury. This album is The Wall of our generation. After my first listen I posted, “Album of the Year Any Genre”. I fully stand by that assessment.

Favorite Albums of the Year

This is where I will most definitely make someone mad or make myself mad for leaving off someone who deserves to be included.

Home - Billy Strings

Favorite Tracks: Away From The Mire and Watch It Fall

Country Squire - Tyler Childers

Favorite Tracks - Creeker and Peace of Mind

Stranger In The Alps - Buffalo Wabs and the Price Hill Hustle

Favorite Tracks: Buffalo’s Canon and Stewball

Between The Country - Ian Noe

Favorite Tracks: Barbara’s Song and Methhead

Seneca - Charles Wesley Godwin

Favorite Tracks: Hardwood Floors and Seneca Creek

Chris Knight - Almost Daylight

Favorite Tracks: I’m William Callahan and Go On

The Wind - Eric Bolander

Favorite Tracks: Closer to that Flame and Ghost

Josh Nolan - Kind Heart to Follow

Favorite Tracks: Makin’ Eyes and The Honeysuckle

Nicholas Jamerson - Floyd County All Star

Favorite Tracks: Patience and Floyd County All Star

High Expectations - Sean Whiting

Favorite Tracks: Melody and Misery

Songs Only A Mother Could Love - Wayne Graham

Favorite Tracks: By and By and Every Evil Thing

On The Hilltop - Nic Allen and the Troubled Minds

Favorite Tracks: Cheap Pills and Wine and For Heaven’s Sake

Cheap Silver and Solid Country Gold - Mike and the Moonpies

Favorite Tracks: Cheap Silver and Danger

The Gospel - The Local Honeys

Favorite Tracks: Amazing Grace and Let the Church Roll On

Full Moon/Heavy Light - Ona

Favorite Tracks: Young Forever and True Emotion

Trial and Error - Vintage Pistol

Favorite Tracks: Lay It Down and Leave Me Behind

The Pilot Light - Derek Spencer

Favorite Tracks: The Witches of Appalachia and Lit By Moonlight

We Fall, We Break - Walter DeBarr

Favorite Tracks - Wicked Eyes and We Fall, We Break

Alive at Hillbilly Central - Arthur Hancock

Favorite Tracks - Take Me Back To The Country and Kenton’s Outdoor Seating Area

Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

Favorite Tracks: Truth Hurts and Juice

I have to give a shoutout to some amazing visual artists for their work on some of these records. Jimbo Valentine and Colonel Tony Moore did an absolutely amazing job on the Country Squire album art. With Valentine’s futuristic hillbilly aura and Moore’s gritty comic book background, their collaboration is my favorite album artwork in some time. Honorable mention goes to Nashville Tattoo Artist, Squishy Eyes. His work for Billy Strings’ home is colorful and visually stimulating. I definitely want some skin art done by this guy!

Next. Let’s talk festivals. Jon Grace burst onto the scene this year putting on not one but two music festivals. Jon and I go way back. We’ve been to country shows, rock shows, heavy metal shows, nu metal shows, Ozzfest. You name it and we were probably in the vicinity. Laurel Cove Music Festival was Bell County’s first foray into the music festival scene and it started with a flash of lightning, then another, then a shit load of rain. An outdoor music festival being held at a beautiful natural amphitheater turned in to an indoor show in the conference room at Pine Mountain State Park. It was a tough decision to make, but in the end, it was worth every minute. The lineup came together in short order and provided us with two days of blistering sets. Jon then put together the FREE Cumberland Mountain Fall Festival in downtown Middlesboro, KY. Featuring local and regional talent for another two days of fun and music. 2019 set the bar high for live music in Bell County.

Festival of the Red is located in the heart of the Red River Gorge area and put on three days of camping and music. The only downside was that I was only there on Saturday. My buddies Blake and Dave packed in the truck with Dave’s little boy Waylon to make the two hour trip to Slade to catch up with old friends and new.

Master Musician Festival is a yearly mainstay in Somerset, KY. Tiffany Finley and company put together a stellar lineup year after year. My wife and I went for the day on Saturday and returned home with memories that we still laugh about months later. I first want to give a shoutout to the staff of MMF for enduring a brutal storm and having the integrity to cancel the headlining act in the face of severe storms. We were devastated that we missed out on a Jason Isbell set, but we are also blessed that we were not injured in a stupid storm. The party rolled on to Jarfly and into the wee hours of the morning.

This brings me to the granddaddy of them all.

Kickin’ It On The Creek.

The Roberts do it up right on Ross’ Creek. The 5th Annual Kickin’ It On The Creek held on Byron Roberts’ farm is something every music fan should experience once in their life. I went to Irvine in June to attempt to buy tickets in person. I left the house Saturday morning around 4:30. My anxiety hit when I got into town and parked and saw the line stretched nearly a half mile down the road. What do you do though? You hop in line! My friends Jon and Daniel arrived about an hour and a half ahead of me and were about 15 people in front of me. Throughout the morning we made conversation with both veterans and newbies alike. The vibe was jubilant. It was almost like a family reunion atmosphere, and this was just the presale. Long story short, about 3 hours later we get to the front of the line when Byron exits the store to announce the tickets were sold out. My friends who were 15 people in front of me were the last group in. It made me ill to realize I was that close. Never fret, the next step was an online sale that supposedly sells out in seconds. Over the next few weeks, karma would smile on us as we were able to purchase enough tickets so everyone in our group of friends were able to procure tickets. Now the wait.

I’m not a festival virgin by no means. I was fortunate enough to go to three Bonnaroo festivals in the early 00’s. Needless to say, I had an idea of the festival life. However, I can’t begin to explain the giddiness that my wife and I felt driving to the festival that Thursday evening in late September. We made it just in time to set up camp and catch Bedford Band and one of the acts I most looked forward to, Buffalo Wabs and the Price Hill Hustle. The family atmosphere was in full effect. We were home. On Friday we were treated to sets by a variety of artists handpicked by the Roberts family. Favorites included Luna and the Mountain Jets, Crownover, Laid Back Country Picker, Green Genes, Jericho Woods, Vintage Pistol, Magnolia Boulevard, John R Miller and the Engine Lights, Town Mountain, and the ‘Lectric Wooks. Saturday favorites included Abe Partridge, Padre Paul Handleman, Wayne Graham, William Matheny, Senora May, Ona, The Wooks, Arlo McKinley, and festival headliner Tyler Childers. I’m already thinking about KIOTC 2020.

This year was magical. I heard amazing music, saw amazing music, introduced my children to amazing music, and most importantly shared with with my wife. I met lifelong friends and have several shows to look forward to in 2020.

Upcoming shows I’ll be attending are The Wooks, Arlo McKinley, Eric Bolander, Charlie Woods and Deep Hollow, and Dave Shoemaker at the Bell Theater on December 21st. 2020 brings Morgan Wade/Kelsey Waldon, Town Mountain/Buffalo Wabs/Geno Seale, Billy Strings, and Sturgill Simpson/Tyler Childers. The festival circuit is also ramping up with dates set for Laurel Cove 2020.

-Josh Trosper

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).