#the movie is so good because it allows itself to be so honest and vulnerable

[bloodyentrails]

the inspection was so beautiful to me. it's very much a movie that makes the homoeroticism in the military, or similar spaces, text and it was so refreshing to see.

it is also a movie very much in communication with movies about the military (and the USMC) that you might have seen before, full metal jacket, jarhead is mentioned explicitly, but it seeks to show us a different side to them.

(there is in fact a scene of the protagonist sitting on the toilet that is very reminiscent of full metal jacket, but what he's about the swallow is not his gun XD )

there is a poetry to the images and i loved the emotional pitch of each scene, i'm so in awe of how precisely you feel them but also in how subtle they are. it's a huge achievement.

i don't think the movie subverts the genre as such but it queers it and gives you small bits of insight into this life from the perspective of someone who experienced it. there was a post about past lives the other day, about how pragmatic it is, and i think the inspection is similarly pragmatic and not tempted by melodrama. it's a very refreshing mood to witness.

it's a hugely impressive film to me and i'm really glad i caught it. top notch acting, top notch cinematography and just a beautifully conveyed story.

[annaizscribbling]

hi it is me sending an ask i would like to know ur thoughts and feelings about calypso rn (i dont have anything specific in mind i just wanna hear about her)

(I start with Cal and eventually go off the rails whoops)

I’m thinkin about just how far she’s come. How hard she’s fought and is fighting to just be a person.

her relationship with the Daniel and her odd friendship with the Girls is what makes it so evident. She’s allowed to care about people for the first time, she’s allowed to be cared for.

She has very little clue as to how to express and receive affection, connect with people, and be around other human beings without being on guard. She doesn’t know to be vulnerable, or how to not know where every entry and exit is in every room. But she’s trying really hard.

Ellie was her first real friend, and even then, it originated in complete lies, but even years later, Ellie was the first. From there she slowly befriended the other girls, and it was so strange for both them and her, but taught her a lot.

With Daniel, she made the express decision to be as honest as possible, even though the idea scared her.

Their relationship just hsdhshdbhdygkwhad makes me feel so many things ahhh.

He’s so so gentle and sweet and supportive and kind and really good at reading her. He’s super patient and trusting, she’s very open about her past with him, and he’s always willing to listen.

They love small things with a lot of thought behind them. He plans picnics, she hand embroiders a honey comb pattern into a baseball cap to match his dog Honey’s leash, he always keeps Calypso’s favorite tea in his pantry even tho he doesn’t like it, she secretly drops off his favorite homemade lunch on his desk at work, Daniel learns how to knit from his mom so he can knit Cal a scarf, Calypso brings him new plants for his windowsill, and so many other little things that mean the world.

Daniel loves taking her places she would’ve missed out on. They go to amusement parks, zoos, movie theaters, waterparks, arcades, and whatever else she never got the chance to do as a child with her family. 

She reveals pieces of her childhood, her crimes, her fears, and the heinous details of what her parents were like. It’s so horribly hard, but she’s able to tell him, and he’s always there to listen. He tells her about the tragic loss of his dad when he was 14, and she’s there to sit with him quietly on the tough days. They support each other.

They just <333333333

All of the relationships, both romantic and platonic, are so very special to me. But since I’ve been talking about Daniel and Calypso, I just wanna brain rot about how I view the romantic relationships I write.

I wanted to make sure that the relationships aren’t what fixes the girls, (or the guys, but I focus on the gals) because romantic (or platonic for that matter) relationships don’t fix people, but they can motivate, I think. 

Daniel isn’t fixing Cal, but he’s a genuinely good person, who cares about her, and that in itself pushes Calypso to be better. A good man with a good heart can’t give Calypso herself a good heart, but it can motivate her into trying to find her own. A safe patient person who loves her gives her an example of how to express the love she always had within her. He’s willing to forgive her when she messes up and that alone flips her worldview upside down. He inspires her to get in touch with her own humanity. She can express herself around him and the girls, she can care for people, she can relax, she can enjoy things, she can be vulnerable. Daniel didn’t give that to her, but his own warmth managed to thaw her just be being in the vicinity.

Athena and her soon to be husband, Seven are a different couple that I love greatly. Both are functional, content people on their own, but as a couple, they manage to offer support in the areas that the other struggles with. Athena is able to shed some of her stress, loosen up, and take life less seriously with Seven, who effortlessly manages to help her let her own guard down. Athena helps Seven find structures and motivation where he struggles to find it, her own driven outlook on life inspires Seven to pursue what he loves. He supports her when her anxiety is overwhelming her, and she’s patient when he finds himself going through a depressive or low energy phase. Their relationship involves a ton of mutual support and encouragement. They’re super playful and witty, spending so much time engaging in banter and trying to make the other break out laughing. (also,,, the two met in highschool, hated each other, and ended up meeting as adults, then fake dating for half a year before falling in love and I love it for them)

Jonathan and Luna are lovely but I don’t have a ton of stuff for them yet. I really only write like one new character a year, so I don’t have a ton of content for them yet ngl.

Idk if Bree or Ellie will end up in romantic relationships at some point. If they do, it won’t be for quite a few years. ‘Current’ timeline, they aren’t dating anyone in particular. I do kinda want to imply that most of them date here and there, but aren’t long term characters worth mentioning because they don’t last. At any point, Ellie or Bree could be seeing someone, but they aren’t really named. 

Calypso is actually the first to enter her lasting relationship, then Athena a few years later, then Luna meets Jonathan.

I’m not completely sure, but I love the idea of Ellie not really being too interested dating for a decade or so. I think she’ll start a craft store, and slowly end up doing pretty well. In her late thirties, she starts fostering kids. She lives above the craft store, and has staff and is financially stable enough to commit to fostering some kids, being an emergency home for kids in between families. So she dedicates her life to that. Maybe she meets someone in her late fifties, falls in love, and gets to continue her dream with a husband by her side, but maybe not. Who knows? It’s not a necessity for her, she’s very content with her life, but it might be cute so idk.

I have no idea for Bree yet. Her future is very undecided atm. But I’m working on it lmao

[thatscarletflycatcher]

I can’t figure out how to include links! Searching “Jane Eyre on Page and Screen” will work. For fairness’ sake, the analysis is limited to film versions, but I’d like one with miniseries, too. You mention 1997 having a demonstrative Rochester; I concede that this is the case. Linnet is obliged to point out that this is an anomaly amongst the more composed Rochesters of other films, although she also notes that 1997 strips away his poetic and fanciful self-expression. A product of 90s cynicism?

Found it! I do remember reading part of this series before, and I liked it, and it is good time for a revisit.

For anyone interested, this is the first post:

I think miniseries are important because for better or worse they are known by the people adapting for movies, and I think there's definitely cross pollination between them (besides the line being thin between a tv movie and a tv miniseries), but I do understand what she means by the runtime affecting things.

Reading the series of posts, I think, you get more of an idea of the variety rather than the similarities. Pick for example, again, Little Women, and pick any given segment, and I think you'll find much less variety in the way movies represent scenes.

I think an equivalent in Jane Eyre would be music doll scene from 1943 happening more or less the same way in most of the adaptations, despite it never happening in the book (1997 having a throwaway reference to it doesn't really count). Helen's hair being cut is less adaptation copies adaptation and more economy of characters (give a plot that happened to a one-off character in the book to a more prominent character).

Re: 1997 Rochester, I think her view of these movie adaptations, while it is an honest attempt at being impartial, still heavily favors 1997. I definitely gained a better appreciation for that adaptation while reading it (really, truly, I think now it has some big merits of its own), but...

For example, she says that 1997 is the only movie that de-heroizes Rochester, as it allows the audience to see him as ridiculous several times; Rochester is made to be very emotional and expressive in this one. Sure, those last two things are true, but don't prove the first one to me. Because as I see it, the extra anger of Rochester (which she cannot really explain) IS the way in which the movie counterbalances and "protects" Rochester's masculinity. Besides that, she fails to connect that Rochester actually touching Bertha, assuring her the people that came with him intend her no harm, holding her, kissing her head, his explaining that he exhausted all possible means before this one, is an even bigger attempt at absolving him from his secrecy and heroizing him than 2011 with Grace Poole's lines about how the windows are barred so that Bertha won't commit suicide and that she takes her out for exercise every day.

She also makes great emphasis on the necessity of seeing Rochester's repentance in the end (something with which I agree), and will go the length of focusing on his crying in 1997 -while glossing over the whole bravado and "I DON'T NEED A COMPANION" thing that precedes it- to then more or less say that 1996 and 2011 do not show vulnerability and change from Rochester in the ending scene, or at the very least not as much as 1997... which I don't think is really fair.

So there's that.

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

Honestly how do you think the sexually active characters like Angel Dust, Verosika, Valentino, Stolas would react to their lover not really caring about the sex they have but rather their relationship as lovers (Also I love your work and im not saying that to be nice your work speaks for itself, good job you earned those thousand followers)

Their reaction to an S/O that cares more about romance then Sex

Angel Dust

He was... kind of unnerved.

The idea of you wanting to be with him just for him, was kinda terrifying.

What If you got past all the glitz and glamour, All the manicured furr and fluff, and sex appeal and found... someone you didn't love.

And took a long, long time to get through that insecurity. Angel taking a lot of comforting and assurance that you, in fact, loved him for him. Not just for what he could do in the bedroom.

Honestly, when he realised as much. That you truly loved him for him and not his sexual prowess. He'd Probably break down crying.

I imagine the spider clinging to you, just bawling his eyes out. The spider clinging to you, desperately not wanting you to leave him.

He would become very protective of you, the spider finally finding someone who genuinely loved him, and was determined to keep you.

So if another bitch so much as looked at you, hed be in there face. Making sure everyone in a three block radius knows you belong to him.

Angel would tell he could be honest with you. The spider exposing his more sensitive side, allowing himself to be vulnerable with you.

The spider confided in you, able to trust you with his secrets and traumas, and there were many.

And while your relationship was not based around sex, something that made Angel smile every time he thought about it. Angel still very much enjoyed Sex.

He was a very physical person, and knowing that you didn't just love his physicality, well, that only made him more physical, specifically with you.

And every time you asked if he really wanted to do it, or if he was enjoying it, it only made him live you more, the spider feeling safe when with you.

Verosika

Verosika was, well, she is, A sex demon.

The woman was a Succubus. The most lustful, lewd and perverted beings in hell, only rivalled by Incubus and Asmodeus, obviously.

So being in a relationship with someone who wasn't really interested in sex, it was strange.

Alien really. At least for her.

She'd never met anyone who wasn't interested in her for her body. I mean, sure she'd met a lot of gay dudes and straight women, although women were a lot like spaghetti around her.

Straight until wet.

She loved that joke, and initially, when you'd asked her out, taking her to a fairly nice restaurant, she was expecting more of the same.

But out on the date and well, you spoke.

Not chit-chat, or make small talk, you actually spoke to one and other.

You told stories, spoke about your week and had a genuine conversation. It was odd for her, as the most sophisticated conversation she'd usually have was with her entourage, either about her latest escapade, or her next performance.

But she found herself actually speaking to you, telling you about things shed never really told anyone about, mostly because no one had ever asked.

Youd have a lovely meal, still chatting, before you'd walk her home. And well, you just give her a kiss, promising to do it again some time.

That had left a weird feeling in her gut, as on one hand she had really wanted to sleep with you. But on the other, she really loved that you didn't just fuck on the first date.

And you would go on another date, the two of you seeing a movie.

It was a simple rom-com, the theatre practically empty, the two of you quickly getting bored, and when Verosika asked if maybe, you'd like to "have a little fun" *Wink Wink*

Youd just politely refused, instead asking about her week. The girl once again, was taken off guard, but happily ranted about her week, the two of you having another lovely conversation.

Youd again walked her home, but this time she'd invite you in for coffee.

She had intended on seducing you, but ended up just spending your time talking again, it getting so late, she offered for you to stay over.

And while she had slunk into bed, intent on doing dirty things, she would end up dozing off curled into your side.

Youd continue on a very romantic relationship, the woman pleasantly surprised by your rather seamless relationship, the woman feeling like what you had was real.

It wasn't just a sex filled fling. It was a tender, loving and intimate romance something she admittedly took some time to get used to, but it wasn't long until she loved you as much as she knew you loved her, the woman surprisingly happy not having to have sex to keep your relationship alive.

Thats not to say you didn't have sex, because you absolutely did.

Valentino

Youd meet in a club, the two of you striking up a conversation.

He was honestly caught up by your rather charming conversational skills. You were quite the conversationalist, the Overlord quite intrigued by you, finding himself wanting to speak to you further.

Eventually he'd invite you up to his place, you happily joining him.

Youd go up to his penthouse, the Overlord proudly giving you a tour of his fancy penthouse.

You'd end up in the kitchen, the Overlord genuinely stumped at how he ended up with a cup of coffee in his hand, the two of you talking at his table.

He was surprised at how comfortable he was with you. The Overlord telling you about his day to day, ranting about all the shit he has to deal with on a daily bases with surprising ease, the man finding himself very comfortable with you.

He'd eventually ask you out, you happily accepting.

He'd take you out to a fine meal at only the finest of restaurants, the two of you having a wonderful night out.

You would talk, eat delicious food and drink even finer spirits. Afterwards you would go back to his place, and well, you'd make sweet, sweet love.

You continue seeing each other for the next few months, going out on several more dates, your relationship getting closer and closer, the man amazed at how little sex you had.

It wasn't so much the absence of sex, hed dated flinty of fridget bitched, but his reaction. He didn't mind it. Not one bit.

The man found himself loving your relationship, even though he usually despised serious relationship, instead preferring it loose and fast, bit with you, he loved your relationship.

The man felt as though your relationship actually meant something, you never all to Interested in his glamorous lifestyle.

In fact, you spent almost all time together... he dare say, being traditionally romantic and shit.

Youd go on simple, but romantic dates, and you spent great lengths just speaking, the man shocked to find how much he just needed to say shit, venting about his day.

And of course, he'd spoil you, treating you to every luxury at his disposal.

But he didn't need to. And that's what he loved about you. You enjoyed your time together just... by being together.

Stolas

Stolas was the apology of a lovable owl.

Your first meeting was very fumbly. You'd be at a royal gathering, you managing to stumble your way in, ending up at a table enjoying the free wine.

That's when you'd see the owl, the man just sitting there, staring at his drink.

Seeing him like that, you'd strike up a conversation. And while initially taken aback, the man would quickly engage in conversation, the man happily chatting with you, especially when you seemed to genuinely engage with him.

Youd talk, laugh, exchange stories and just generally enjoyed the conversation. The owl finding himself genuinely caught up in your conversation, greatly enjoying your company.

But, as they tend to do, all good things come to an end. The two of you prepared to go your separate ways as the party began to disperse.

But on an impulse decision, Stolas would ask if he could see you again. You, a little caught off guard, agreed, telling him a time and place, the owl eagerly agreeing.

It'd be a few days later when you had your first 'date', the two of you meeting up at a coffee shop, the two of you finding a booth and before chatting.

Youd had a very genuine back and forth, you asking about life as an Goetia. And of course he put up a brave face, you could tell he was putting up a brave face, it not taking a lot of pushing before he broke down a little, telling you how difficult and stressful his life was.

All the petty BS he went through every day before lunch. It could get so bad, he felt like tearing his hair out.

Hearing this, and wanting to help the poor man, you'd decide he needed to unwind.

And you would unwind by taking him out clubbing. Now your first step was a change of clothes, you getting a mismatch of what he so humbly called "peasant garb", the owl almost unrecognisable in a mismatch outfit.

Youd go to a club. You'd drink, you'd dance, Stolas being absolutely free to be himself. And he would go ape.

By the end of the night, the Owl would be totally exhausted, and loved it. The owl grabbing you and giving you a big kiss, the man thanking you.

Youd welcome the man, before kissing him back, the two of you spending the night together.

That would mark the beginning of your relationship. And a romantic relationship it was.

Your relationship was very much based on romance, you and your owl absolutely loving each other.

Youd meet up a few times a week, usually at a bar or Cafe, the two of you spending hours upon hours just speaking.

Youd listen as he ranted about his day, or lamented on an aspect of his life. You happy to listen or give advice, explaining it from your perspective.

And while these conversations were all good, your bonding time really came when you went out.

Now granted, you had to be subtle about it, but you'd often go out together, usually with Stolas in more "peasant garb". Not wanting to get attention in his royal garb.

You went to parks, to movies, Stolas especially like bargain shopping. Going through used and obviously stolen goods, you'd often have contests on who could find the weirdest things, Stolas somehow winning most of the time. The man usually keeping the strange item as a memento.

You had such a romantic relationship, the two of you opening up on a very intimate level.

The man found a confidant in you, the man venting, opening up to you about his deepest darkest secrets.

The man confiding in you about his forced marriage, or his abysmal relationship with his father, big shocker from a noble I know. Or how Octavia was the only truly good thing in his life.

If Stolas prayed to anyone, you'd be the answer to those prays.

Youd be exactly what the man needed, allowing him some much needed intimacy, the man absolutely adoring his time with you.

And of course, you'd have sex. But your sex was always tender, loving and deeply intimate.

Youd truly, make love.

[anxiouspotatorants]

Honestly with the exception of like, the last 2.5 episodes of season 3 (and I say 2.5 because Jess was ready and willing to go to the prom with Rory in ep 19), I don't consider Jess and Rory's relationship to be as horrible as many people who hate him do. Yes, he wasn't completely honest in certain moments (like with the swan attack) and there were other moments where their lack of communication proved to be a problem for Rory, but I feel like they found an equal footing of sorts in their relationship by the time episode 18 comes around. Like you hear about Jess spending time with her every weekend, doing movie nights and organizing meetups with each other. And that's when shit hits the fan by the time the end of the season comes around. And when it does, it is AWFUL, but before that, it really did feel like Jess was also learning the wheels behind what Rory wanted as well and was not only willing to hear her out but also respected her perspective. Like I can even say that in certain moments like with Dean, Jess was kind of even better than Logan because sure, he was insecure and jealous, but he didn't ever take it out on Rory for that. He just wanted her to let him know when she'd hang out with Dean, he didn't forbid her from it or taunt her once she did.

Oh I have so many thoughts about this (some I've probably shared before, but it's been a while and I want to rant literati) that I simply have to apologize because this is going to be a long one:

So first off, not only do I think Jess is a flawed boyfriend, but I'm glad that he is. A lot of shows featuring teen romance have a tendency to write them either really soapy or like the perfect coupling between two teens with the emotional maturity and experience of somebody in their 30s. I really appreciate that ASP and the writers' room kept Rory's first three big relationships flawed in a way that made sense. Yes, her and Jess are incredibly smart and right for each other, but they're also allowed to be childish and mess up as they figure out what they want to be to each other.

Second, I think that he was both a flawed boyfriend and a good one. Like you said, Jess did learn and improve whenever the opportunity presented itself. Once he was with Rory he actually revealed how mature he could be: he changed when she opened up about her wants but also set boundaries for himself, he didn't isolate her from others, he made an effort with her family and befriended her friends, he made compromises on activities and was calm and patient around romantic rivals. What made their relationship doomed to fail is something you find in a lot of couples anyway: crap self-esteem and an inability to share and display vulnerability. At first that inability could be overlooked, because it was about swans and rowdy exes, but when bigger issues occured (like getting behind on school and his dad appearing) that inability blew a massive hole in their relationship. This doesn't make him a horrible person, just somebody who needed to work on himself in order to make relationships work. (Also I don't read that scene as badly as some do, but the bedroom scene at Lane's gig can be really hard to swallow. The writers could easily have written this to go a lot darker than they did, and I don't shame anyone who are unable to root for Jess after it.)

Now I can't speak for all of Logan's run as a boyfriend (I remember so little about seasons 6 and 7 and it's taken me basically two years to reach them now), but from a seasons 1-5 perspective Jess is the obvious best boyfriend in my mind. Both because of how suitable he was with Rory on several levels (interests, intellect, understanding) but also because of how differently each of them reacted to the same issues. Whenever Dean caught wind of potential romantic rivals he would get loud and angry and often blame Rory simply for existing and being kind and unprejudiced. When Jess was made fully aware of how Dean planned to 'steal' Rory back, he remained calm and asked only to be in the know of Rory's friendship with Dean. When Dean got egged on by Jess he grabbed every bait and then some. When Logan fished for fights with Jess, he consciously kept himself on a leash and left when he realized he couldn't anymore. When Jess was confronted by Rory about her feelings for him and then for her wish to be spoiled, he listened and did what he could to set things in order. When Rory calmly told Logan that she wanted a relationship and respected his lack of desire for one, he lashed out and accused her of forcing him into something he didn't want before doing a 180 and begging to be her boyfriend. When Jess was made aware that his pranks were actually hurting people, he toned it down. When Rory begged Logan not to steal from her grandparents for a secret society ritual, he did it anyway and kept his mouth shut as the maid risked her job until Lorelai forced his hand.

None of these boys are perfect. And in some things the other two did better than Jess (Jess did have a tendency to make things harder for himself with the townies, where Dean caused no trouble and participated enough to be accepted as a townie, for example) but overall Jess has the best track records so far. And it says a lot that he has that when he was still incredibly flawed and seasons away from his massive character glow-up.

[buoyant-breeze]

modern au dates [ pt. 1 ]

characters ⊱  zhongli, xiao, kazuha, childe

warnings ⊱ completely safe! please enjoy!

rating ⊱ sfw

zhongli

this man is so rooted in traditions in a beautiful and romantic way; he definitely plans every single date, based on not just his own preferences, but yours as well

they’re very cliche, stereotypical, and conventional dates—but that makes them no less meaningful, especially from someone as sincere and honest as zhongli

he definitely takes you on your standard, beautiful, candlelit dinners in one of the more higher-end restaurants that you’ve never heard before

but just when you think that’s all you’re going to get out of him, he surprises you by taking you to hole-in-the-walls that are incredibly obscure and unconventional, and absolutely delightful to eat at

you want to try a new hobby? you both do it together as a date, whether it be trying your hand at pottery or learning how to sew

personally, he’d love to try some waltz or ballroom dance lessons for couples

domestic shopping together; just taking you around to small businesses to support the local community, and he treats you to whatever you want while you’re there

cooking dinner together at home and enjoying each other’s company is a date in of itself, and it is so simple, yet so treasured as an experience

xiao

he doesn’t really like being around people, and he generally prefers intimate locations where it can feel like just the two of you. he’s simply more comfortable that way and the privacy allows him to be more vulnerable with you

he enjoys going out to restaurants or teahouses with you, so long as your dining area isn’t in the public eye, and is moreso tucked away and partially invisible

but honestly? the best date with him would be a very cozy date in his living room, where the lights are dimmed out and you two are watching a comfort movie while eating your preferred snacks or ordering take-out

that said, movie theater dates aren’t too bad, actually, because it’s dark enough where he feels more inclined to allow himself to tentatively reach for your hand as the projector rolls

boba tea dates except he’s very shy about admitting his enjoyment of the drink and that said, he’ll never really specifically call it a date, but it’s definitely a date

he would honestly really like playing co-op video games together

it’s a bit silly, but just picking you up in his car and taking you somewhere, even if it’s just giving you a ride to your school or job, feels like a date to him, because it is intimate and memorable and it’s with you

just lying in bed together and talking softly as you relax into each other’s sides is more than enough for him

honestly would do anything you wanted, as long as it fits with his personal desire for privacy and intimacy

late night drives together with good music playing softly on the radio

kazuha

art, music, or film festivals

would definitely take you to very scenic places, like the beach during a particularly vivid and colorful thunderstorm, or through the park while the cherry blossom trees are in full bloom

that said, just scenic walks in general; even if you don’t go anywhere that is a mind-blowing wonder upon the earth, he’d still find something to appreciate about it anyway, even if it’s just your company

even if you’re not the most talented artist, he would absolutely love to try painting or writing together. but if you weren’t comfortable or interested, he’d appreciate having someone he can share his work with, and he strongly encourages that you share whatever you’re passionate about, as well

stargazing together

coffeeshop dates, except its not coffee at all—it is, in fact, tea

wandering through the town together, hand in hand

traveling together, except it is a very relaxed experience instead of a fast-paced, tourist-standard holiday; you likely go to places not as prone to seeing visitors, like small farming villages brimming with an expansive culture of art and music

he’d be curious about visiting museums or art exhibits with you, but has never actually gone to one himself

definitely buys you sentimental trinkets as souvenirs to remind you of each date, like a keychain with a cherry blossom on it to represent that one time you went to the spring festival together, or a flower plucked from one of your nature walks that he dried and pressed into a journal for you to keep forever

childe

the type of guy that shows up at your front door late in the evening with a bunch of flowers and a winning smile, asking if you’d like to go on a date with him

they dates are always this exact amount of spontaneous and impulsive

sometimes he will randomly just call you and ask if you could go with him just to do this one, little thing, that he definitely can do by himself, but of course, he’s not going to do it alone, because he’d much rather do it with you, and frankly, any excuse to be with you is excuse enough for him

he makes very normal things suddenly amazing, heartwarming dates

something as mundane as just having to get his phone screen fixed because it cracked, again, he takes you with him and it’s a day filled with fun, adventure, and mischief as you go on a wild drive to different locations in town, all because he happened to remember, ‘oh, yeah, i wanted to show you this one shop, it sells the coolest halloween decorations...’ and next thing you know, seven hours have been spent hanging out with childe

definitely all about fairs or carnivals; he’d buy a whole bunch of sugary treats for you to try with him, and he’ll happily share as much as you’d like

also would try and win the biggest plushie for you at the carnival games, and he will be unnecessarily (and playfully) competitive about it.

but he always gets extra prizes to give to some random kids who look like they deserve something to cheer them up

radiates the energy of the boyfriend who drives with you at 3 am just to buy some very specific fast food menu item that either of you are craving, and that is a date, no matter what you say

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

[moon-lixie]

"Were you this touch deprived?" The amusement could be easily missed in between the calm of your voice that threatened to melt under his fingertips.

"Yes," he answered immediately, no time for thinking needed, "when it comes to you I'm always touch deprived, I can never get enough of you."

word count: 1.970k

genre: fluff, Hyunjin x gn reader.

song: Wrong About Forever - Jeff Bernat

Every great waltz has its spins that make you feel like you're flying as the music pushes you further, Hyunjin wasn't a stranger to this concept, nor was he ignorant to the part in which the two people dancing move apart, stretching their arms as far apart as physically possible while their hands stay clasped together.

He, more than anybody, knew what it was to dance, to give yourself to music and get lost quicker than he could even realise.

What he wasn't familiar with were the matters of the heart, at that he had always been clumsy and hesitant, comparing love to a dance.

That's exactly why he could never understand when you walked away; his mind couldn't wrap itself around the concept of you leaving for good, in his heart there was always hope for a last dance.

Your face was carved into his memory, he could draw your every feature down on paper as easily as he could dance with his eyes closed.

Loving you wasn't a rational decision, it was an impulse, something he had grown to adore despite the difficulties it brought along.

The music filling the room suddenly faded, leaving behind the thrumming of his heart reverberating in his eardrums.

He had to admit there was always a bitter taste when that moment arrived, his body not being able to push any further and the music coming to an end.

If it was his decision then he would spend every second of his life doing the things that he loved, without the need of a break, without knowing what an ending meant.

But wishful thinking only ended up hurting his heart, bruising it carelessly as if he wasn't the type to hope on behalf of the entire world.

With a loud exhale he allowed himself to relax, shoulders loosening and eyes opening slowly, as if rushing through the process would be a mistake.

The first thing he saw was his reflection, the rolled sleeves of his shirt, hair clamped together on the front of his face because of his effort, lips parted and chasing an extra breath.

His surroundings were one of those places that gave comfort due to the long time it had been the background of his happiness, his passion for what he did had been sprawled all across the room.

Dragging his feet across the wooden floor, he scrambled to gather his things, barely remembering to grab his phone that had been discarded on the couch when he arrived if it hadn't been for the light buzzing sound coming from it.

The device loomed like a threat over his heart, having the ability to mend everything or put an end to one of those things he loved with an inimaginable fervor.

An unseen message had been sent in blue, waiting impatiently despite not being the first one sent between the both of you.

You had contacted him first; after two weeks of radio silence you had sent four words his way, typical of you.

'Can I call you?' It was unknown to him how long he had spent staring at the dark screen, forcing his eyes to trace the eleven characters that shaped your unorthodox way of asking for forgiveness.

Forgiveness for what? That he no longer knew, perhaps this time you had gotten scared of how ever so well you two worked together and that's why you had decided to walk away, or maybe there was a chance you had just gotten tired of him, again.

The game the both of you played didn't feel like the typical love he saw portrayed in movies but he couldn't find it in him to care, after all, dancing around you had never bothered him in the slightest.

With trembling fingers he had typed an answer, one word, three letters, a simple affirmation.

He tried to be quick, direct and concise; searching the deepest corners of his mind for the answer that could please you the most and immediately regretting the dry response.

But what had been done already wasn't something that should trouble his mind, even if it came to you, the person he craved to have by his side the most.

So, he had abandoned the mobile as soon as he stepped foot in the dance studio, leaving it screen against the couch in hopes that would soothe his anxious heart if only for long enough to enjoy his dancing.

Now that it buzzed with the call that could be the one he couldn't help but walk cautiously forward and take deep breaths before picking up.

"You're done with dance practice, right?" If he had ever wanted to get high on something, it was your voice, along with every single detail about you.

His lips curled into a satisfied smile. "Oh, so you do remember my number?"

A dry chuckle resonated on the line, forcing his mind to picture the scowl twisting the features of your beautiful face, portraying the guilt you never owned up to in front of him.

"Are you free?" Of course you would dodge his comment, but yet again, he couldn't bring himself to care, simply humming in affirmation.

"Okay, then see you in a bit."

Dumbfounded, an amused laugh found its way out of his lips. "Should I know what you mean by that?"

The harmless exasperation painted itself across your every word as you answered. "Do I really need to spell it out for you, Hwang?"

He was inexperienced when it came to love, very much so, but he was an expert when it came to you, always knowing what you meant, what you wanted, the things you needed.

Walking in the direction to your apartment he answered, "I'm afraid yes, I can't know what you mean if you don't explain it, now can I?"

You laughed annoyed, staying in silence for a moment; he couldn't have pushed things far enough yet, he could never, because you happened to love him just as much as he loved you.

"I miss you, okay? Happy now?"

"Very," he said, lips curling in a lovesick grin that shielded him even from the way you abruptly ended the call.

No matter how much you tried to walk away from him, suddenly cutting yourself from his life, you always came back, always stayed in the tiniest of details around him.

Perhaps that had been his mistake, to accept you even with that quirk of getting cold feet, because if only he had stopped it at once then it wouldn't have become a habit, a necessary routine.

But to love is to get tangled so awfully that you can't find your way out, only further falling into the mess of affection and longing.

The two of you just had your special way of working and tackling things, for instance, you hadn't talked to him for half a month and still your spare key remained under the pot of his favourite flower of yours.

Victory grin plastered on, he reached for the metal piece, opening the door of your apartment as if it were his very own home.

Alerted by his steps at the entrance you came to greet him, arms crossed over your chest as if to keep a final barrier between you and the man that owned your heart.

"I missed you too." Was the very first thing he said once he found your eyes staring right at his; it made you smile and he felt accomplished.

"Of course you did." His words melted you in an instant, making you move closer to him and take his hand in yours. "You always do."

And how could he not? How could he bring himself not to miss someone like you? Someone whose mere presence was intoxicating, seeping inside his muscles and veins, putting his being at ease.

Gently, he allowed the pads of his fingers to trace the outline of your nose, your lips, your chin, before leaning in towards you.

A firm hand against his chest stopped him on his track, causing a question to paint his face with confusion.

"You're all sweaty and you stink." You scrunched your nose adorably, as if actually bothered by his smell. "Go take a shower."

"But I want to kiss you first." A pout made his lips stand out, well aware that it sometimes worked wonders with convincing you.

"Nope, no kisses while you're all smelly." And just like that the both of you were back to normal, not caring to drag things for longer than they should with explanations or apologies that fell into deaf ears.

Against your petition he moved forward and embraced you in his arms, suddenly set on stone in making you squeal in complaint.

Moments later dragging you towards the bathroom despite the verbal refusal that didn't match with your eager steps trailing behind him.

Leaving his things forgotten on the entrance along with whatever fear he had harbored in his heart about this time being the time you would leave his side for good, he closed the bathroom door and kissed you.

Your lips felt unfairly soft against his, warm as a blanket that shielded people from every possible unfavorable outcome life could have prepared for them.

Sure hands moving to clasp on the hem of your shirt, slowly moving it upwards the further he got lost into the kiss.

Piece by piece he undressed the both of you until you were down to heart and soul, truths lying bare for eyes to pry and discover the biggest vulnerability in them.

Knowing the place as well enough as his own home, he turned around to set the water into the perfect temperature for the both of you, never cold.

Then he led you like you needed to be held, careful and attentive, eyes never leaving yours in a new attempt to learn every detail embedded in your pupils.

He turned you around, pressing your back against his chest and hugging you close until there was no space in between, his lips finding the way to your shoulder, pressing soft kisses meant to fix any remnants of doubt.

"Were you this touch deprived?" The amusement could be easily missed in between the calm of your voice that threatened to melt under his fingertips.

"Yes," he answered immediately, no time for thinking needed, "when it comes to you I'm always touch deprived, I can never get enough of you."

He couldn't be more honest even if he was asked to testify in court and make a pledge that allowed him to say nothing but the absolute truth, because he loved you with an intensity that sometimes could be mistaken as meek due to it's soft and innocent nature.

Hyunjin loved you the way someone loves something unobtainable, innocent and patiently, willing to wait entire lifetimes for stars to align and give him the pleasure of being in your presence.

Your hands moved to rest atop his where they were clasped together against your bare torso, thumbs escaping to rub soothing circles into your skin.

Trailing kisses up your neck he allowed himself to hope that every one of his touches reverberated with warmth all the way to your heart in the same fashion that yours did to him.

For you he would learn how to love properly, he would even understand to let go if that was what you truly wanted at some point in the future.

"I love you." The words felt like dripping honey as they slipped in between his lips for the very first time.

"I love you too," you answered, not even leaving time for him to panic at the sudden frankness with which his deepest sentiment had been revealed.

For a love like yours, he would always wait, always fight to make things better.

[ohheyitsokay]

just us

Pairing: Jack Daniels (Agent Whiskey) x (f) reader

Wordcount: 1.9k

Warnings: discussion of not wanting children, brief mention of trauma (the accident), brief mentions of sex, generally sweet and cozy

Summary: Jack and you both grow into what you want (and don’t want?) for the future

Notes: Okay so this WILL NOT be everyone’s cup of tea - that’s fine. There’s enough breeding kink in this fandom for everyone else, I just wanted to explore... not wanting kids, definitively, and one way that journey could look. Obviously, this is an incredibly personal topic, and there’s no way this one snapshot could possibly be perfect, so please just keep that in mind!

>>

Years ago, you met Jack volunteering with low-income students after school. Your friend, who was running the program, roped you in, and you were glad to have other helpers.

He was surprisingly good with the kids. They loved his accent and his hat and the silly expressions he made. Still, in-between his ridiculous stories, he always pushed them to do their best and was persistent in pursuing their success. Unlike some of the other volunteers, he didn’t seem to have any agenda and his selflessness was contagious, and you told him so. The bus had just left, and you finally had the chance to talk to him- you couldn’t help but be honest.

He shrugged his broad shoulders, watching the kids wave through the windows, even down the road.

“I just want them to get their chance to succeed, ya know?”

You did. Gently, you reached up and squeezed his shoulder, and his brown eyes met yours for the first time.

“Thank you,” you said before leaving to go clean up. You hoped he could hear the sincerity in your voice.

The next time you volunteered at the same time, he stayed back to help you clean. He was silent at first, but then he began to talk to you, asking real questions and giving you real answers.

The friendship grew fast, one of the ones where you could feel in your bones how close you’d be. You moved from laughing with the kids as you gave him the tiniest portion of snack, to him driving you home sometimes.

And for the first few years, the two of you really were the best of friends. Lemonade and long drives together became game nights and movies with groups. You’d help him text when he got too flustered, he reminded you that all men were giant boys sometimes. He told you about his past, about the accident and wanting to heal from that, and what he was working on. You shared the skeletons in your closet, you fears and hopes and dreams. You became each other’s constant, as you grew, always cheering the other one on and sharing just the right words at the right time.

Then, after a long, terrible day, he drove over to your house with pure, kind-hearted intentions and ended up kissing you.

-

“The rest, as they say, is history,” you finished.

Jack’s boss was grinning, along with his wife.

“How adorable!” she cooed, squeezing her husband’s hand.

You and Jack had been together for years now, and recently moved to a small town so he could be closer to his mama. This branch of the statesman was a lot more casual, so you were over at their house with some other couples, barbequing in the backyard. In many ways, you loved the little southern community but it was times like these that you felt like you were pulling teeth.

Jack was so high-profile, and bless his heart, he loved to show you off. It was sweet that his boss let him off early sometimes and the local florist knew your date night, but honestly, people in this town were so invested in your relationship it gave you anxiety. Everyone wanted to hear your story, to be in the know, worst of all: ask about it. So it was unpleasant, but not a surprise when the lady continued, asking, “So how many kids are the two of you going to have?”

Her eyes glimmered with expectation, completely unaware at how you were fighting not to grimace at her intrusion.

Jack looked at you, his hand instinctively finding yours. His thumb rubbed your skin softly, as if he was trying to press his support into you. It worked, in it’s own way, and you collected yourself, smiling because you knew she meant well, and because you had practiced.

When you were younger, if and when it came up, you hadn’t been attracted to the idea of children like some others were. You had thought, or maybe trained yourself to say, maybe someday, but not right now. Because for most people, that was enough. You knew logically, that some did change their minds or grow into it. Sometimes you had hoped that would be you.

Now, you didn’t even offer that, just making a joke and guiding the conversation in a different direction. You played your part well, continuing to chat as you ate, being as delightful and adorable as you always were.

Jack knew, of course he did. After that very first night, when he had kissed you, you had been honest with him. motherhood was not your purpose, passion, or dream. He loved you then, and he loved you now, you reminded yourself. He had loved you through the time you’d talked about it again, when he told you that you were his soulmate. Still, before, you had always left it on the table. Maybe someday, in the future.

He watched you closely, watched your eyes when you laughed at the questions, felt you hand in his when you were in the spotlight.

Jack adored you with every fiber of his being. He loved waking up with you in his arms, and falling asleep to the rhythm of your heart. He liked the way your eyes met his and spoke volumes, and how you knew what he was going to say and let him say it anyway. Sometimes he thought he would stop time itself if it would keep you from being hurt.

So now, he shifted closer and closer to you, invading your space until he could share his warmth with you. Your hands left each others so he could wrap his arm around you, and he tried his best to use himself to make a little safe haven for you. He would do anything to create a bubble so you could breathe.

Your eyes found his, and you leaned into his warmth. No words were offered but he knew he had done a good job when he could feel some tension slide off your shoulders.

Still, over the next few days, the conversation haunted you. It felt like a pin, pricking your mind and heart in quiet moments. You ignored it, what else could you do? It was a familiar feeling, and you knew sooner or later, it would go away. After all this time, hadn’t you made your peace with it?

It was almost completely gone, one night, as you lay with Jack, skin to skin under the sheets. He’d be silent for awhile, in what you could only assume was one of his rare, post-sex dazes. He murmured again and again how much he loved you before it faded off and he had settled for holding you close.

“Sweetheart?” he said suddenly, pulling your attention back to him.

“Yeah, Jack?”

“One of our friends from home is pregnant, I forgot to tell you she called yesterday.”

You felt liked the world was spinning. Why was be bring this up right now?

Somewhere far away, you heard yourself make a happy noise and say that was exciting for them.

Your lover’s warm arm pulled you closer, back onto his chest.

“That’s gonna be one helluva cute baby,” he added. You agreed, but had no idea what to do or say.

Was he trying to tell you he was thinking about kids? About babies?! You were full on panicking now.

Had this, plus the questions from before finally pushed him to reconsider? 

“I’ve… darlin’, I’ve been thinking a lot about kids lately,” he whispered into your hair. There was something about his tone you didn’t recognize. You were tense, unable to move away, respond, be normal at all. Of course, he noticed.

Jack half sat up, moving you so he could face you, his arms still holding onto you with purpose.

“Wait- shoot, dang it, I should’ve said that differently,” his eyes were boring into yours. The whole time you’d known him, you hadn’t been able to look away from him when he was baring his heart for you like this. This was Jack. He has never, would never hurt you. You trusted him with your whole life.

Several deep breathes and a quick kiss allowed your heart to calm, and you eyes told him it was okay for him to go on.

“I have been, sweetheart, but not like… that, I – well, I,” he seemed to be struggling, the tiny lines between his eyebrows deepening. You waited, hands finding his skin and mimicking the comforting movements he always did on you. All the while you were reminding yourself that listening to him would always be better than interrupting or assuming.

“I just wanted to tell you, the longer we’re together, how much I like it,” he said, finally, words rushing out of him, “How the more I think about it, how much I sort of want it to just stay like that.”

Your heart was racing now for a whole new reason.

“When I think about other people’s kids, they’re cute but… I don’t need one,” he said, and you noticed the more he talked, the more he relaxed, too. “You could be a fantastic mother, I know you could, if you ever want that,” he added, and you smiled, shaking your head just slightly.

“I guess I’m just selfish, love,” he finally seemed to conclude, having pushed and been fully vulnerable with you. He sank down next to you again, saying, “I want you all to myself. I want to take you on adventures and change the world with you and just have you be all mine, all the time.”

You still couldn’t speak. The world wasn’t spinning anymore but it might as well have been upside down. All your fears - that he was hoping you’d just change your mind, that you were holding him back – were wrong. On his own terms, in his own way, and in his own heart Jack Daniels had flipped to the same page as you.

Never in your life had you expected this, even considered this a possible outcome. It was almost too good to be true.

You had to ask, just one more thing.

“Jack, what about…” you swallowed, clinging to him. “What about… before?” You didn’t need to explain. What about her, and his son? Before the accident? What about the time you’d met, and he was pouring into the futures of children?

Jack was still for one heartbeat, two, and three. Then his hand moved from your waist to touch your cheek, his large palm enveloping it. You hadn’t realized there was a tear until he brushed it away with his thumb. There was tenderness in his eyes as he held you.

“Just us,” he whispered, before kissing you, “that’s all I need.” His eyes were honest, and for the first time in your life, you felt fully seen. 

“Just us,” you said back, as vulnerable as he was.

The two of you held each other then, basking in the moment of pure, raw love. You allowed yourself to sink fully into the mattress, pressing together like you were just falling for each other for the first time. In some ways, you were. Everyone has a different story, and you two had just written another chapter in yours. Jack laughed then, a beautiful, free, almost giddy sound.

Relief had sunk into your bones, the two of you finding something in each other that you’d never had before. The feeling you’d had when you first met - the one that sunk into your bones - promising you two would be close, came into your mind. You considered it, realizing it was more than right, knowing you both before you even knew yourselves.

Jack kissed your hairline, still letting out small burst of quiet laughter. His voice was filled with joy as he asked, “Can we get a dog, though?” and you laughed too.

“Yeah,” you said, and he was kissing you, smile almost too big.

<<

taglist: 

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @0celestialbitch0

[james-joyces-right-eyeball]

Absolute Favorite Books I’d Recommend to Anyone

This is a list of my top-tier favorite books that I would recommend/talk about endlessly to pretty much anyone (in no particular order). I know people probably don’t care but I just like talking about books I love so here we are.

Beloved - Toni Morrison

~ Based off the real story of Margaret Garner, a slave woman who escaped slavery and when captured killed her child in order to prevent them from ever being enslaved again, Beloved tells the story of a mother named Sethe, born in slavery who eventually escaped and is haunted by the figurative demons of her trauma and the literal (arguably) ghost of her dead daughter, who she herself killed. It is an excellent exploration of the horrors of slavery and of the haunting legacy of the institution for those who were subjected to it.

Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

~ If you’ve been on Tumblr for a while, you probably know what Lolita is. The story of the predatory Humbert Humbert who lusts after, rapes, and kidnaps the “nymphet” Dolores Haze. An excellent construction of how predators, unreliable narrators in their own right, hide behind fabrications, almost-believable excuses, and pretty words to make their actions seem maybe not so bad. In the words of the book itself, “You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.”

Ulysses - James Joyce

~ Notoriously one of the most difficult books in the English language, Ulysses lifts its structure from Homer’s Odyssey to tell the story of a common man, Leopold Bloom, as he goes about his day. Yes, this book takes place over the course of only one day. We follow Bloom as well as Joyce’s literary counterpart Stephen Daedalus through their thoughts and actions, gathering details of their lives previous throughout. It’s a book that, in my own words, “is life”. It is sad, funny, strange, vulgar, disgusting, beautiful, revelatory, sensual, and nonsensical all at once. Joyce aimed to create a reflection of life through his stream-of-consciousness style which some people might find confusing, but I personally find absolutely beautiful and honest and realistic. The prose is also gorgeous, but that could be applied to everything Joyce wrote. 

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

~ The classic gothic book that tells the tale of Heathcliff and his ultimately destructive love of Catherine Earnshaw, whose eventual marriage to someone else and the general mistreatment of him by her family drives Heathcliff insane and he spends the rest of his life trying to take revenge by abusing and torturing the next Earnshaw and Linton (the family into which Catherine marries) generations. If I’m being honest, I like this book mostly because of how wild and dark it is, but the writing is also genius and beautiful. I think the book also carries an interesting view of the destructive nature of revenge, overzealous love, and othering.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith

~ A coming-of-age story at the turn of the century that tells the story of Francie Nolan, a young bookish girl growing up in a lower class family in New York City. It tells about her father’s struggles with alcoholism as well as her mother’s struggles to deal with that and at the same time raise Francie and her brother. Francie is confronted with a strange, uncertain world as a young girl, but tries to face it with bravery throughout childhood

Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

~ Another coming-of-age story, this time about four young sisters: Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy March. You are probably familiar with this book already; it’s had more movie adaptations then I can possibly remember off the top of my head. It’s the story of four sisters as they try to navigate growing up, love, and loss during the mid to late 1800s.

The Color Purple - Alice Walker

~ A novel that tells the story of Celie, a young black woman who is raped and then married young to a man who will go on to use and abuse her, through her letters to God. Throughout the novel she meets Shug Avery, a woman with whom she eventually falls in love and begins a relationship with. Through this and her eventual freedom from her abusive husband, she is able to gain at last her own sense of self and take back control over her life, a life no longer ruled by the abusive men around her.

The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison

~ The tragic story of young black girl Pecola Breedlove, who wants nothing more than to have blonde hair and blue eyes just like the women she sees in the movies. Both a deconstruction of the whiteness of beauty standards as well as how these standards can utterly destroy vulnerable young girls, it is also an exploration of the people who allow these sorts of things to happen, including Pecola’s mother and father. The Bluest Eye, I think, showcases one of the aspects of Toni Morrison that I like the most, that I aspire to the most: her ability to enter the minds of all people, even people who you might despise at first. Her characters, especially Cholly in The Bluest Eye, are ones you might not entirely sympathize with, but they will always be ones you understand.

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

~ Based off of the author’s own experiences as a young college student, The Bell Jar tells the story of Esther Greenwood, whose depression over her place as a woman in a patriarchal society as well as her inability to choose a life path for herself leads to a suicide attempt and a subsequent stay in a mental hospital. A very nuanced portrayal of mental illness, especially anxiety and depression, The Bell Jar is an extremely moving and relatable story for me and clearly is as well for others. It is a classic for a reason.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

~ A memoir of Angelou’s childhood, this book tells the story of her experiences living as a black girl in the south with her grandmother and brother as well as her later years living with her mother. It also tells of how she was raped by her mother’s boyfriend when she was around eight or nine, and how she struggled to live with that and find her voice, both literally and figuratively. A wonderful book about overcoming struggles and the power of words and literature in such times.

Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison

~ Ellison’s novel tells the story of a young black man, never getting a name in the text, and his feelings of invisibility and his struggles to find a place in society to belong. His struggles only lead him further into despair, until he decides to “become invisible” as people seem not to see him as a person anyway. Invisible Man is an exploration of American mid-century racism and the isolation it causes to those subjected to it. Not only that, but it is surprisingly relevant to our times now, especially on the subject of police violence. (Personal anecdote: When I first read this book, when I got to the aforementioned police violence part it was right in the middle of the BLM resurgence last summer and I cried for a good twenty minutes while reading that chapter over how nothing had changed and it still hurts me to think about it. Embarrassingly, my dad walked in on me while I was crying, and I had to quickly explain it away.)

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - James Joyce

~ The title basically says it all lol. This book tells of the coming-of-age of Stephen Daedalus (the same one from the later-written Ulysses). His sensitive childhood, his awkward and lustful adolescence, his feelings of Irish nationality and Catholic guilt, and his struggles to fully realize himself, both as an artist and a human being. It is a very hopeful story, and one that I love mostly because I relate so much to Stephen Daedalus as an artist and as a person.

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

~ A magical-realist intergenerational family drama, Marquez’s book traces the various lives and loves of the Buendia family over the course of (you guessed it!) one hundred years. A beautifully written, at times extremely emotionally moving and chilling masterpiece, Marquez in a way retells the history of Colombia, of its colonization and exploitation.  

Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

~ A classic Russian novel of society and love, Tolstoy tells the story of Anna Karenina, married, wealthy woman with a child she adores. However, she falls in love with another man, Count Vronsky, and comes to a tragic end for her love. The parallel story of the novel is that of Konstantin Levin, a wealthy landowner who also struggles to find fulfillment in his life and understand his place in society.

The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner

~ A novel that features an entire family of unreliable narrators, The Sound and the Fury details the fall of a once-prominent southern Compson family and always-present place of the past. There are four different narratives: Benjy Compson, a mentally disabled man who is unsure of his surroundings and of time and only knows that he misses his older sister Caddy; Quintin Compson, the eldest son and a Harvard man both obsessed with his sister retaining her “purity” and the fact that she failed to do so and had a baby out of wedlock, going as far to claim it is his baby in an attempt to preserve something of the family reputation; Jason Compson, who is the caretaker of Caddy’s daughter and believes her to be going down her mother’s “sinful” path; and Dilsey, the black maid of the Compson’s who unlike the people she cares for is not weighed down by their history. The narratives take place in different time periods and is in a stream-of-consciousness style. It’s a deeply dark and disturbing novel about the haunting nature of the past, a common theme in Faulkner’s work (see Absalom, Absalom! for more of this).

Song of Solomon - Toni Morrison

~ It is the story of Milkman Dead, a young black man growing up in the south and his relationship with his very complicated family. To say anymore would be to spoil the novel, but I will say that it is an excellent book about family, self-fulfillment in a world that tries to deny you that, and, like The Bluest Eye, exhibits Morrison’s excellent character work.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - Tennessee Williams

~ A play which takes place on the patriarch of a family’s birthday in the oppressive heat of the midsummer south, Williams’ play explores lies, secrets, and how repression only results in anger, frustration, and sadness. It’s a tragic but brilliant play that I think was very ahead of its time. If you’ve read it (or do read it) then you know what I mean.

Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin

~ This book tells the story of a young man and his love of another man named Giovanni while he is in Paris. It is a book about love, queer guilt, and has what I would call an ambiguous ending. There is uncertainty at the end, but there does seem to be some kind of acceptance. It is a bit of a coming-out story, but more than that it is a story of personal acceptance and at the same time a sad, tragic love story.

HERmione - H.D.

~ An underrated modernist masterpiece, HERmione is a somewhat fictionalized account of the author, Hilda Doolittle’s, experience as a young aspiring poet dating another poet (in real life Ezra Pound in this book named George Lowndes) who is a threat to her both physically and emotionally. It explores her own mental state, as she considers herself a failure and falls in love with a woman for the first time (Fayne Rabb in the book, Frances Gregg in real life). 

To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf

~ People think about going to a lighthouse. They do not. A couple years and a war passes then they do. That may seem like a boring plot, and you may be right. However, To the Lighthouse is not much about plot. It is more about the inner lives of its characters, a family and their friends, on two different occasions of their lives: one before WWI and one after WWI. Woolf explores in this novel the trauma that results from such a massive loss of life and security. Not only that, she also explores the nature of art (especially in female artists) in the character of Lily Briscoe and her struggles to complete a painting. It’s a short novel, but it contains so much about life, love, and loss within these few pages.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Carson McCullers

~ A southern gothic novel about isolation and loneliness in a small town. Every character has something to separate them from wider society, and often find solace and companionship in a deaf man, John Singer, who himself experiences a loneliness that they cannot understand. There are various forms of social isolation explored in this novel: by race, disability, age, gender, etc. A wonderful, heart-wrenching book about loneliness and the depths it can potentially drag people to.

The Waste Land - T.S. Eliot

~ A modernist masterpiece of a poem, Eliot describes feeling emptiness and isolation. The brilliance of it can only be shown by an excerpt:

“Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither Living nor dead, and I knew nothing, Looking into the heart of light, the silence.”

“The river’s tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed. Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song. The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers, Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed. And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors; Departed, have left no addresses. By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept . . . Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song, Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long. But at my back in a cold blast I hear The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear. “

(My personal favorite line from this poem is, “I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”)

The Trial - Franz Kafka

~ The protagonist of the novel, Josef K., wakes up one morning to find that he has been placed under arrest for reasons that are kept from him. Kafka creates throughout the novel a scathing satire of bureaucracy, as K. tries to find out more about his case, more about his trial, but only becomes more confused as he digs deeper. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the world he lives in, and the more tries to explain it the further the more that proves to be the case. An excellently constructed novel and a great one to read if you would like to be depressed about the state of the world because, though Kafka’s work is a satire, like a lot of his other work, it manages to strike a strangely real note.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

~ An absurdist play that is a retelling of Shakespeare’s Hamlet from the perspective of minor characters, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, who in the broad overview of the original play, do not matter. Throughout the play, they question their existence and the purpose of it and through that Stoppard dissects not only the absurdity of life, but how fiction and theater reflect that absurdity inadvertently.

As I Lay Dying - William Faulkner

~ The novel details the journey the Bundren family makes after the death of the family matriarch, Addie, to bury her. Each chapter offers a different narrative from the family members and those who surround them, revealing some ulterior motives to them “going to town” to bury Addie. The patriarch Anse desires a pair of false teeth, and the daughter Dewey Dell is pregnant and needs an abortion, as there is no way for her or her family to support it. It’s about the powerlessness of people in the impoverished south. The Bundrens are constantly subject to forces beyond their control, struggles which would be easily solved if they had the money to spare for it. There is more to the book, but that is my favorite reading of it, that of class. Faulkner’s ability to create distinct voices for every one of his characters shines through here.

And, last but not least:

The Collected Poems - Sylvia Plath

~ All the poems Plath wrote during her tragically short lifetime. The best way to demonstrate or summarize the book’s brilliance is just to show you. This is her poem “Edge”, which appears in the book:

“The woman is perfected.   Her dead Body wears the smile of accomplishment,   The illusion of a Greek necessity Flows in the scrolls of her toga,   Her bare Feet seem to be saying: We have come so far, it is over. Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,   One at each little Pitcher of milk, now empty.   She has folded Them back into her body as petals   Of a rose close when the garden Stiffens and odors bleed From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower. The moon has nothing to be sad about,   Staring from her hood of bone. She is used to this sort of thing. Her blacks crackle and drag.”

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! HAPPY READING TO ALL!

[mrsgaryrennell]

attic for dicky and gary?? 👀👀

First of all, I'm sorry for the late af response as always 💀I know I'm terrible but 👀👀let's dive into our Chatham boys shall we?

Attic:

What is the character afraid of?

Gary: I feel like he is afraid of rejection and abandonment. I'm going real deep into this real quick lol Because of his daddy issues at such a young age, Gary knew that he had to better himself to remain as the man of the house (example: his devotion to his nan and mother). As he began to physically become more appealing and stronger, he started noticing that people were giving him a lot of attention, majorly from girls. And with this, he's extremely consumed by the attention he never got from his father. That's why he loves to be the initiator/alpha in the Villa because he's the center of the spotlight and that helps him subconsciously cope. Gary is fearful of rejection which can shift to the fear of abandonment from his family/friends or his love life.

Dicky: Our mechanic boy is actually fearful of failing to protect his loved ones. Jason is known of not being the friendliest guy but when it comes to the people he really cares about, he grows very obsessed on the idea of being loyal to them. He'll make sure that he does all he can to be there for them when needed. He's not skillful with his words but making them company and allowing them to vent is his way to show that he cares deeply for them. If he notices that they need more than just his company, Dicky pushes himself out of his comfort zone to provide advice and affirmations. However, if Jason notices that something's gotten out of control and has no way of doing something about it, this is what he fears. He would feel like he neglected his protectiveness and drowns himself in self-blame for not being there more often.

How do they deal with bad memories?

Gary: He's not one to really open up about his bad memories and because he's too caught up on being the entertainer, the optimist of his friend group, he prefers excusing himself and releasing all of the stress in the gym or inviting his friends for drinks. Distraction is key in this situation ☹️ He's extremely good at hiding how he feels so people wouldn't even know that he's just trying to deal with negative emotions when he just shrugs things off . I know Gary does open up to MC at the end of the game but again, it's all the way towards the end. By that time, Gary develops trust in her completely with his vulnerability and becomes more comfortable talking about triggering things, such as his bad memories 💛

Dicky: So Jason is kinda the same as Gary. He doesn't show his discomfort towards bad memories at all (especially when he's got an impressive poker face lol) but instead, he becomes extremely quiet and even crankier/moodier. He'll just sit there for a moment while he remembers and he'll isolate himself elsewhere for alone time. He'll use the excuse of taking a smoke break and just be lost in thought. Gary is probably the only one that knows when Dicky is going through some bad memories but gives him space since it's a tick he's had since he was younger. Usually after he finishes his cigarette, Dicky feels better. Smoking is a terrible tool for comfort and even he knows it but it's the only thing that helps Jason 😭

What is this character’s role in a horror movie?

Gary: lmao yah this guy would be that aloof but extremely hot jock. Later on, everyone will realize that he's actually really handy and pretty resourceful. He's probably one of the main love interests until he ends up as one of the first victims and gets murdered 💀

Dicky: Now this guy would be the extremely hot bad boy of the group. Everyone hates him because he's brutal and mean but he keeps saving everyone's asses from the brink of death lol He's either one of the last ones to get killed or survives 😌

How do they hide their secrets?

Gary: I feel like he doesn't necessarily hide secrets and makes sure he never brings anything up that could potentially reveal a secret of his. And let's say he's under the situation in which he's confronted about a secret, Gary would provide very brief/general details that won't expose much. Now if he's in a position where a secret is completely revealed *ahem Lottie's kiss* this dude does not like confrontation and will either shrug it off until people give up on insisting or literally walks away

Dicky: I'll be honest, I seriously doubt this guy hides anything lol He's too straightforward with people and with himself. If he ever finds the need to hide a secret, he'd actually lie about something to make sure it's never revealed. He knows that lying is terrible and it's in fact a pet peeve of his but if Dicky needs to keep a crucial secret, he will not hesitate to lie. What's scarier is that Dicky can seem very credible and make anyone believe whatever he says 😶

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins does the character relate to most?

Gary: I'd say Gary would relate the most with pride. According to a website called inspirationfeed.com, "pride is defined as an excessive love for oneself, belief in one’s abilities, the desire to excel everyone else. Pride is such a vile sin that it has often been considered as the root cause of the other six of the seven deadly sins."

I've always mentioned that Gary always comes off as a cocky and overly-confident man, especially when he wants to establish dominance when theres's new guys around the Villa. When he does this, he can seem rather pompous about himself and when he notices that someone else, for example - Graham, comes to challenge him, the feeling is threatening and will do anything in his power to "win", even if he doesn't realize that he could potentially hurt someone's feelings. I've actually done a short analysis about Gary's pride on this post. You guys are more than welcome to read it because I definitely think this is one of Gary's negative traits and it really shows in the game lol

Dicky: Now with Jason, he'd definitely relate the most with wrath. According to Wikipedia,"Wrath (Latin: ira) can be defined as uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, and even hatred. Wrath often reveals itself in the wish to seek vengeance."

There's no denying that Dicky is the kind of man that is impatient and can get his buttons pushed easily. It's always a plus that he has self-control or at least tries to if it's someone trying to poke at him however; if anyone dares to mess his family or close friends, this is when he carries no control of his anger. It can become rather freighting when there's no stopping him. He's certainly not one with short-temper/anger issues whatsoever. Dicky is actually a pretty calm/chill guy but know the exact things that will trigger him and you will wish to have never seen his ugly side.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this because I totally did writing it and thank you sm much sis for asking about the boys 🥺🙈💛I got pretty soft for them lol

Send me a character name + a room, and I'll tell you my headcanons

[americankimchi]

ok and I GET the concept of attachments leading to vulnerability and therefore weakness but to impose that on a CHILD who so desperately needs a family, someone he could bond with, its honestly tragic. and since qui gon isnt there to do it anymore it falls on obi wan, whos basically a kid himself, whos dealt with rejection his whole life, and how can you expect him to provide anything, much less mentor a padawan?? idk i just have so many FEELINGS abt this and can’t put it into proper words lol

okay you know what i think that’s on qui gon because why!!! would you make the decision to rip a child away from his home like that so quickly!!! i get that they were making a movie and thus needed to speed things along for pacing reasons but COME ONNNNN

i feel like if it wasn’t restricted for movie reasons it would have gone down very differently. difference being: hey, maybe we don’t rip anakin away from his mom and leave not only his mom still in slavery but also punt a tiny child directly into a warzone.

hear me out

so assuming qui gon decides not to take anakin with him (at that moment in time because anakin is still going to be heading to the order just in a more meticulous fashion) right after meeting the skywalkers on tattooine, he still needs to get off planet. so he does the whole race thing yadda yadda he gets the engine and they take off

so here’s where it diverges: anakin stays on tattooine and never goes to naboo.

(bro this got so long i had to put it under a cut omfg)

but cindy!! you might say, leaving anakin on tattoine??? stuck in slavery??? how could you!!!

YES, but this is a temporary thing, just stay with me for a second

padme disagrees but relents because qui gon says he’ll come back for the boy when he’s not, you know, neck deep in the middle of tense wartime negotiations that could trigger a full scale onslaught at any moment. that’s no place to bring a small child into no matter how powerful in the force he is.

qui gon heads back to the council, gives his report, and then mentions anakin. mentions his fuckin. midichlorian count. which is still so ridiculous to me oh my god the midichlorian is the powerhouse of the force i GUESS

anyways

the council still disapproves, but qui gon makes the case that even if they don’t believe him about the chosen one thing it’s still dangerous to leave such a powerful force user out there untrained and vulnerable to the stresses and traumas of slavery. what if he turns to the dark side??? he’ll have ample reasons to if he’s stuck there, and the amount of destruction he could unleash by being untrained and powerful is unspeakable!! qui gon, being the master diplomat he is, even if he is constantly butting heads with the council, could probably convince them of the importance of at least meeting the child. hell, it’s not as if they haven’t broken people free from slavery before it’s honestly jedi basic training at this point

so the council agrees on the condition that qui gon is not allowed to personally mentor the boy because as it stands now he’s too close to the situation, too eager which honestly??? might have been a good chunk of the reason why the council was so against it in the first place. qui gon pushed for it too hard and for no real solid reason. and for fuck’s sake qui gon your padawan is right there

obi wan, awkwardly shuffling on his feet like..... yeah i’m here too master

SPEAKING OF OBI WAN

imagine how gutting it must be to hear that your master wants to get rid of you for the newer, younger model. like at this point obi wan is so used to this shit. abandonment? by qui gon??? it’s more likely than you think,

and obi wan’s ALLL ready to be like “yeah okay. i’ll just. go over here then i guess. fuck me for thinking that you respected me as a person or anything lmao right”

and qui gon’s just “ah fuck. i can’t believe i’ve done this”

anyways hand waves qui gon explaining his reasoning to obi wan and saying that he just wants to ensure that the boy gets the training he needs and obi wan understanding but asking if he really thinks he’s ready to be a knight genuinely or if he’s just saying that to get him out of the way and wow that thought actually hurt a bit lol!!! no problem though qui gon whatever you want haha i’ll just... be in pain. over here. ((:

and qui gon being like, “honestly obi wan the only reason you’re not actually knighted is because i cherish your companionship and i don’t want to let you go” because ANAKIN ISN’T THE ONLY ONE WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES CASE IN POINT: MY MANS JINN

let’s be honest obi wan could’ve been knighted ages ago. the only reason he hasn’t been is because the master dictates when that step should be taken and qui gon wasn’t ready to let his surrogate son go.

anyways RECONCILIATION WHOO kicks that insecurity off of obi wan’s already weary shoulders because that gnarly bit of tension could’ve been avoided so easily with just a simple conversation!! wow!!! communication can do wondrous things who! would! have! known!!!!!

anyways

they get to naboo. how do they beat the trade federation without anakin? the force works in mysterious ways alright it happens they win boom.

now, onto qui gon. in this au qui gon lives because of that healthy bit of communication up there that went down. see that conversation? where they affirm how important they (qui gon and obi wan) are to each other? and how that bond was repaired and confirmed between their leaving coruscant and fighting maul on naboo and thus their harmonious fighting wasn’t impaired by that underlying resentment and betrayal and tension??? TELLING YOUR KIDS THAT YOU LOVE AND RESPECT THEM CAN DO AMAZING THINGS WITH YOUR ABILITY TO COORDINATE WITH THEM IN THE FIELD IMAGINE THAT

coughs

so they fight maul and maul gets turned into maul 1 and maul 2 and qui gon almost gets got but is saved just in time by his padawan who is!! right there with him!!! because qui gon WAITS 5 SECONDS FOR HIM TO CATCH UP so they can F I G H T  T O G E T H E R. qui gon has a permanent limp and an ache in his spine that never really goes away but he’s ALIVE TO SEE THE NEXT SUNRISE BABEY

celebrations happen. and the most important bit of all here: palpatine never meets anakin on naboo.

why would he? anakin’s not fuckin there mate!!! maul wouldn’t even know anything about anakin because qui gon never bothered to take him with them to coruscant and maul was chasing the delegation from naboo, not going hunting for babies in the tatooinian sands

/kicks the palpatine was anakin’s experimental force daddy theory to the curb because. i don’t like it that’s why. suck it dickpatine.

ANAKIN NEVER MEETS PALPATINE!! ripples in the fucking pond babey

qui gon and obi wan ask a boon of padme, that boon being “hey can you give us truly disgusting amounts of money so we can go free those delightful people we had to leave behind on tatooine due to the fact that we were on a time crunch and also ripping people away from a familiar environment without a stable plan of action to provide them a better quality of life is actually called, as the professionals say, a dick move.”

and padme’s like “um fuck yeah here’s some cash let me know how this goes and give anakin and shmi my love”

SO OFF THEY GO TO TATOOINE TO FREE THE SKYWALKERS. shmi tags along to the temple because why wouldn’t she. she wants to see where her son is going to be going. she also pesters qui gon and obi wan constantly about the order and its philosophies and etc. etc. and subsequently gets a crash course in jedi doctrine that anakin also gets to sit in on and you know, educate himself on.

“we want you to know that being a jedi is a choice. being a jedi is a religion unto itself.” they say

“but it’s a set of philosophies that are meant to at its core help others live happy and free lives?” anakin (and shmi) ask

“that’s a very very very large generalization but i guess for the purposes of this conversation that could be seen as true. from a certain point of view,” they respond. qui gon then lets obi wan loose on his musings about the code because the code is simple, and complex in its simplicity, and how the beliefs of the jedi should be taken very seriously because it reflects their connection to the force and by extension the world around them etc. etc.

anakin makes it to the temple. anakin knows (at least a little) what it means to be a jedi. it’s not all light sabers and noble battles and fighting the good fight. it’s about sacrifice and humility and nobility and above all kindness and empathy and loving all things, great and small, and not letting your personal hatreds cloud your judgement even if it takes all your strength to do so

and most importantly to anakin: no attachments.

and that’s what anakin struggles with the most. that never changes. but this time shmi is there to explain it to him, and coming from shmi, the most important person in the world, makes it stick

“it doesn’t mean you love me less,” shmi explains. “it just means you don’t love everyone else less because you love me. it means not loving me to the exclusion of all else. it means love, but for everyone. for everything.”

and then the two jedi reaffirm that it’s a choice. it’s always about choice. you can’t be a jedi without choosing to be one, it’s not something that can be forced. either you believe in the lifestyle, or you don’t. simple as that.

“can i leave if i want to” anakin asks.

“yes. of course you can, any time.” qui gon responds.

“not sure why you would want to though, being a jedi is kind of super cool” obi wan adds, with a wink.

but anakin isn’t a jedi yet. he’s not even an initiate. he doesn’t want to leave his mom, not until he knows she’s safe. he wants to be a jedi he burns with the need to be a jedi, but he’s not sure if he can be a jedi. not the way that was explained to him anyways. but that’s okay because he has the time to decide!!! there are no sith lords breathing down his neck!!! he has two (2) in the flesh examples of what jedi can do, what jedi are, what they can accomplish in the world!!! most of all he has his mother there, supporting him either way!!!

maybe he does go into the order. maybe he does ultimately choose that life for himself. maybe he does manage to untangle himself from the snarls of attachment and apply himself wholeheartedly to the ways of the jedi. he might even succeed this time since palpatine has no fucking CLUE anakin’s even there!!! he’s not nine years old and freshly braided and attached at the hip to a mourning brand new knight, he’s nine years old and trying to figure out how the fuck you levitate off the ground with your legs crossed under you while his crechemates balance things onto his nose!!!

and you know what!! maybe he chooses to leave the order because it’s not for him, but this time he’s got enough stability in his life, in the way that he manages and examines his feelings, that he’s not a threat to himself and those he loves. maybe he becomes a mechanic and lives a nice, simple life with his aging mother and becomes penpals with a pretty girl from naboo. WHO KNOWWWSSS

and that’s important for anakin: knowing that it’s always a choice always his choice and that he never has to have anyone tell him who he can and cannot be because he is his own master now he has full autonomy and the jedi cannot and will not take that away from him

this got so long oh my god i just have so many THOUGHTS

qui gon taking anakin like that in tpm was such a rushed decision my man can you CHILL AND THINK

anyways,,,,, that’s all thank u for coming with me on this journey,,,,,,,

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

Headcanons for Michael, please?

hMMMM- Gonna be honest, I haven’t given neaaar enough consideration to Michael ASHODAOISHD, I will do my best with this-

By the way, a lot of these headcanons were made in collaboration with friends so like, these are by no means Bovine Originals TM-  I’m gonna tag som people but if someone gets tagged who did not wa n t to be tagged I will take it out and I am sowwy if this happens

What I think realistically:

  In between episodes, missions still go on (this has been confirmed by canon at least once I think?), but the missions are a whole lot more casual.  A lot of times, it’s more like a glorified road trip than an actual mission, and this is where Peak Bonding Time with Michael and Kitt happens.  As long as Michael’s not spending the whole time playing Atari, anyway... They wind up playing a lot of games that Kitt rigs with Hax (c’mon now that can’t not be how he swept the floor with Michael at blackjack of all things) which Michael somehow doesn’t catch on to, and they end up at a looot of drive-thrus, much to Kitt’s chagrin. 

What I think is hilarious:

  Pretty much all of these were made with @trust-doesnt-oxidize, we stan they-

  Michael really, really loves his burgers okay?  Like, so much.  Like SO much that if he doesn’t think he’ll be able to go to a drive-thru for a while, he’ll just.  Store one in the glove compartment.  Kitt hates this SO BADLY-  Michael will willingly eat week old food from his glove compartment and it reaches a point where Kitt has to stop him for sanitary reasons.  Perhaps Bonnie occasionally finds one of these highly expired treasures during repairs and loses her mind.

  But also our mans is a human garbage disposal, so he’ll eat anything you put in front of him.  He is very not picky, but if he has an option he will choose That Option.

  Also Michael continually forgetting that Kitt has access to his own programming and betting him to beat his high score on Atari games,,,

  Michael continually losing said bets.

What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends:

  Honestly I don’t think I can ever beat the novelization’s tragic backstory, seriously I refuse to believe that what the heck-

  I was talking with @solarcitymelodies and they mentioned Michael being emotionally repressed as a product of the time (and likely his history in the military), which is why he has a very difficult time being emotionally vulnerable.  He plays off everything as a joke, and what he can’t do that for, he likes to project (think “Trust Doesn’t Rust,” where he repeatedly just Told Kitt yOu FeEl NeRvOuS tOo RoIt?! and Kitt’s like ???no??? and Michael’s like uwu I totally get you buddy it’s okay to be scared and Kitt’s like Literally What-).  That one def hurts, and I think it’s real accurate.  Our mans doesn’t think he can be emotionally vulnerable because he’s gotta be Strong Tough Boi and like Michael stop nobody takes you seriously anyway <3

  Another one that I love to toy around with is just,,, Michael seems very confused about what the heck Kitt i s.  Like, sometimes he treats Kitt like a robot who just happens to talk, sometimes he treats him like a friend, sometimes he acknowledges Kitt’s feelings, sometimes he doesn’t-- It’s likely a product of inconsistent writing from different teams since Michael’s character was actually progressing quite naturally throughout Season 2 until Season 3 decided to destroy our hopes and dreams. Sniffles.  But like, I feel like he wants Kitt to be a person and a friend, but until he can get himself to really believe it, he can’t really,,, act on it I guess?  It seems like he’s catching on by Season 2, but, once again, Season 3 is evil and hates me.  I like to think that, once the series ended, at sooome point, he’d come to a more confident realization about Kitt, and it’s then that he’d realize Kitt’s own insecurities as a result of being confused about what he himself is based on how others treated him.  And he’d feel at least somewhat responsible for that, so yeah.

What would never work with canon but canon is Stinky Poopoo so I believe it anyway:

  Michael realizes that smacking the dashboard as hard as humanly possible is actually abuse, and he stops doing that.

Haha jk that’s too crazy even for this.

  This one’s the hardest for me because Michael is such a spazz that nothing feels too OOC for him, so this is more going to be an explanation for why something I love to think, and I think most of the fandom loves to think,,, can’t be canon.  I’m sorry.

  Whether it’s after the events of Knight Rider or Knight Rider 2000 *gAGS*, Michael eventually has to permanently retire from FLAG because, y’know.  Aging exists.  And I would love to think that Michael is able to take Kitt with him to live this very calm and “normal” stretch of life, where their friendship can grow and they can be buds.

The issue is idk if this can ha pp e n .

  And no, I don’t mean because Shawn happened in KR2000, I literally give zero hoots about what that movie wanted us to think.  The only thing I take from that movie is Kitt’s temporary deactivation for finance reasons, but anyway...

  I just feel like FLAG couldn’t afford to DO that.  I mean, it was actually pretty clever that the events of KR2000 were kicked off by FLAG running out of funds because, really, that was going to happen eventually.  In the original series, it seems like Wilton left behind an infinite supply of money based on what Michael is able to do and whatnot, but unless Wilton was the richest man in existence ever, that’s not the case.  Devon still has to host fundraisers for charity reasons, and it’s still highly discouraged that Michael causes as much property damage as he does on a regular basis, because that all comes out of the Foundation’s wallet.  Eventually, that’s going to run out if donations don’t match what Wilton had.  And while repairing a building costs a lot of money, something costs a lot more money than that, and that is the vehicle itself.  I can’t tell whether more money went into the microchips or the cars themselves, all I know is that they cost a LOT of money, like I want to say Kitt was 16 million?  Karr was even more expensive at 20-something million I- I don’t know my lore well enough okAyyyyy- It was a bad enough blow to lose Karr, but FLAG viewed that as a necessary loss which it wasn’t imo but AnYwaY.  Kitt is currently programmed to Michael, but I feel like that would be easy enough to change.  It wouldn’t erase his emotional bond to Michael since I think most of that was Kitt’s own feelings over his programming, but it would allow FLAG to utilize their investment for even longer.

  I could see the show taking the happy ending where they’re able to continue to exist together, and any stories of mine will definitely take the happy ending, but it’s not actually very realistic with canon.  Maybe, if Kitt’s programming became outdated or the Knight 2000 was too expensive to keep in good repair, then it could happen?  Idk, lemme know what you think about this one!

[stars-shine-above]

Wendy, Darling

When I was a kid one of my absolute favorite movies was the live action Peter Pan, the one where Peter wasn't just funny and playful but a little sad. In that version of the story, Peter lived on his island paradise because he was afraid of the vulnerability that comes with loving someone and being tied to them. I must've watched that movie 1000 times and still find myself thinking about it occasionally and whispering "I do believe in fairies, I do, I do". However, this retelling is very different. In A.C Wise's version of the beloved tale, Pan isn't just a little sad, he's broken, inexplicably sinister and damaged. Neverland isn't just another world, it's his world, one where the only rules that mean anything are the ones that Peter sets regardless of their logic, reason, or barbarity.

Summary: In this dark and twisty take we see Wendy as an adult with a child of her own. She made her way back from neverland but the trip left scars. It's unclear whether Wendy suffered more from her trials in Neverland itself or from the ones waiting for her back home. When she returns, John and Michael inexplicably forget their adventure but Wendy clings tight. She does so even after she is reduced to nothing more than a crazy person, institutionalized for her tall tales and abused for good measure. Wendy holds fast to neverland as the one beautiful thing in her life that gave her purpose but when she looks back on the memories of her time there the puzzle pieces don't fit seamlessly: something is missing.

Wendy has almost given up hope on neverland entirely until the unthinkable happens: Peter comes back. However, he's not here for her, he's here to take her daughter Jane away from her. Wendy must now go back to the place that she once loved to save her daughter and in doing so, she finds that neverland is not what it seems and that Peter's world looks quite different through adult eyes. There is a darkness at the heart of the island and it has nothing to do with Hook.

Review: This book was pure magic. Wendy isn't just a girl anymore, she's a woman who has been through hell and still remains fierce. She's been debased and brought lower than anyone could imagine and yet she remains true to herself and sure in her abilities. I loved the care that was put into the description of the relationships between Wendy and the people in her life. Wendy and Ned appear trapped in a marriage of necessity but they make way for friendship.  Wendy and Mary appear to be on the cusp of something between friendship and more until Wendy explains that she loves Mary in the way that she loves Ned but does not feel that she is fit for relationships of the romantic kind. A.C Wise seemingly portrays a world in which Wendy is stripped of her power, however it is clear that Wendy reclaims her power by choosing the people she surrounds herself with and being very clear about the role she wants them to play in her life. She's not a passive observer in a life made for her by her brothers and her father in law, despite what these men seem to think about the matter. On the contrary, she has chosen a life and she will do anything to defend it.

This is not the childhood story we all know and love, it is so much more. Peter isn't just a boy who won't grow up. Everyone in neverland is free from responsibilities but the cost of that freedom isn't immediately clear. No one ever dies in Neverland because Peter won't allow it but there are many ways someone can die to the world; they can lose themselves or they can simply be forgotten.

The story toes the line between childhood and adulthood in such emotional and interesting ways and I loved every second of it. Thank you so much to A.C Wise for writing this and to Titan books for giving me this arc in exchange for my honest review!

[natural-logg]

pride and prejudice part three: that's right it's proposal time babyyy

(just as before, darcy's proposal/letter is as far as I'm analyzing, no further)

to preface, my ap lit teacher showed us the kiera knightley movie version of the proposal scene, and they made it weird, like darcy's in the rain to make it more romantic, but he doesn't begin with his abrupt proposal of love like he does in the book? and they both get much angrier about everything to heighten the drama I guess... but what annoyed me most was that darcy has this weird vibe of refusing to accept her rejection, and this is absolutely not what we see in the book

so let's break this down! (with no quotes bc I already have to do quotes for class and I hate them lol)

1. Darcy comes in, remembers his civilities, allows Elizabeth to respond to them, and takes a few minutes to collect himself before speaking

2. he then speaks with candor about his feelings, making himself incredibly vulnerable, particularly in front of a woman he knows is a razor-sharp critic of character

3. though he doesn't end up waiting enough for her to respond, he does pause, and she actively chooses not to speak, which he takes as a sign to continue

4. this is the part that irritates Elizabeth: he speaks warmly of both his feelings and his conisderations of her nad her family's financial state as well as their general impropriety, and while it's definitely rude, Darcy isn't known to be warm--he's honest to a fault, and he's often incredibly cold as he speaks, leading him to sound blunt and inconsiderate--so while he's still saying something unpleasant, it's true to his character, and he does so with all of his good intentions

5. apparently he doesn't look nervous enough for Elizabeth, and she gets even more angry because she thinks he's completely sure of receiving a yes--which, all things considered, is fairly reasonable (again, socialized classism, gender roes, and misogyny seeped into everyone's behaviors, not just darcy's)

6. but let's be charitable to Elizabeth and say he is sure... it makes his reaction to her rejection all the more interesing! why? in the book, he immediately accepts her rejection. he only remains in the room to ask her why, but he doesn't pressure her to answer or reconsider, and he seems much more angry that she thinks ill of him for something his enemy told her and she believed wholeheartedly (I mean, if the girl you liked made friends with someone you hated nad they talked shit about you to her and she decided not to like you because of it? ouch)

7. then he says some more rude (but true) stuff about her relations. again, he's not excused for his rudeness, but Elizabeth is, by this point, overtly mean with intent to wound... in fact, he even acknowledges that he spoke with less civility than he out to have and doesn't so much as insult her (character) once outside of wealth and fortune

8. and when she gets to be her meanest, he stops the conversation! he understands her feelings, apologizes, wishes her the best, and leaves! is he angry? yes, but who wouldn't be at being so insulted? (not at the rejection, at the literal insults)

9. aside from when he gives her the letter, his resolve is to never bother her again by his presence! he doesn't intend to propose again or humiliate her in a group setting, nothing like that! even the letter itself is like "don't worry, this is just to clear up the bs you heard from a person who could potentially scam you into marrying him and giving up all of your money"

10. finally, throughout all of this, he takes accountability for his actions! yes, he also seeks to justify them, but he never minimizes them or waves them away or diverts responsibility. he even acknowledges the one time that he lied by omission, which elizabeth didn't even care about, but he says it anyway because he's a person of conviction and principle!

now, why do I bring all this up in the first place? for that, we'll look at mr. collins' proposal to elizabeth much earlier on.... at some other time bc this post is way too long lol

[baekchelor]

𝕕𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕡𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟

pairings: George Mackay x reader genre: romantic comedy rating: pg13 synopsis: on the set of his new film, golden boy George Mackay learns a basic human truth: that the heart is deceitful above all things.

❝ i  love  you  without  knowing  how,  or  when,  or  from  where.❞                                                                                                                       —pablo  neruda

THREE | HEARTACHE & FAREWELLS ◄ ᴘʀᴇᴠ

Daisy (against Geo's wishes) flies to Mumbai a little over a month into the shoot. Dharma is extending its filming period to six weeks, just as Alma predicted, so although George's left scenes are few, Daisy still gets to see him in action when —without an invitation, she arrives on set.

"I said I'd meet you at the hotel," he says as he greets her once Greta wrapped George’s last take for the day.

It's him and two other actors for this particular scene, in which Edmund reveals amidst the chaos of the Indian rebellion, he's well aware of James' feelings towards his wife.

Y/N is back at The Taj, probably still asleep. It is her free day, and George has come to learn the girl cherishes snooze above all things good. She'd rather stay in her Pj's and dreamland instead of strolling across Mumbai's beaches.

Daisy pecks George on the cheek, and a few of the staff members milling around them exchange curious glances. As far as George knows, no one but Dean and his sister, know about the friends-with-benefits situation with Daisy. And as far as he's concerned, everyone on the crew (except maybe Dev Patel. George suspects he's got a crush on Y/N too) were rooting and gossiping about Geo and Y/N's potential to become an item. So of course, they all seem taken aback with the unknown blonde wrapping her arms around George’s shoulder blades.  

"I wanted to surprise you," Daisy whispers into his ear, standing on her tiptoes.

She's smiling up at him now, a complexion like peaches and cream, and George can make out signals of uncertainty in her expression. Daisy still looks as lovely as he remembers, yet not as beautiful as his lovely one. It hits him just then, how easily Y/N's smile can melt him down —and how, at this moment, Daisy's smile only makes him feel guilty.

"We're okay, aren't we, Georgie?" There it is again: the minimal furrowing of her brow, the vulnerable pull in her mouth. "You've just been busy, haven't you?"

He smiles back as tenderly as he can to reassure her. It seems to work because her features illuminate.

"Yeah," He puts his arm around her, the protectiveness of it a habit. Might this be how Y/N feels with Henry? "Come on. Let's go to The Taj."

Daisy's booked a separate room, of course. She even checked in at a completely different floor. George knows she's here on a mission, and she's going to try to spend at least one night in the same bed as he; but for some reason, it feels wrong to have a girl in the same mattress Y/N has fallen asleep, read books and talk to him about everything and nothing.

"Let's go out to dinner tonight," Daisy is wearing her hair down today, the way George likes it best. "Tell Y/N/N to come too. With a date, if she likes." Her expression slides into something conspiratorial. "She shouldn't have any trouble finding one by seven, right?"

"I don't see why she would," George manages to say, feeling the weight of it sink into his chest.

Things haven't been strange between him and Y/N. Not at all. Not if George ignores the razor-sharp awareness that prickles over his skin every time Y/N sits a little too close, so their thighs touch, or looks at her for a moment too long, so he catches that question Y/N never asked still lingering in her gaze.

Daisy is waiting expectantly, so against his inner-self will, and in an effort to prove God-knows-what to himself, George takes his phone and types out a message:

Two hours later, Y/N replies, and George realises he didn't clarify the fact that the Daisy in the matter isn't his sister but his friend. He doesn't want to let her know he has a physical relationship with a girl via text, so he opts to break the news before they walk into the restaurant.

George wipes off his lips with the corner of a table napkin. He keys in the name of the establishment, the time of their reservation and puts his phone away. Daisy sips her white wine, lashes thick and eyes reserved for him, and the likeness George would generally feel is overpowered by unease.

Much to George's dismay, Dev Patel —the other man in the crew who's also from London and can be referred to as London Boy (yes, George is still investigating if the nickname is reserved for him and if Y/N likes Taylor Swift)— is whom she brings as a date. He's much taller than her, the height difference more pronounced since Y/N is wearing flat sandals. The dress on Daisy is similar to the cobalt mini-dress loosely falling from Y/N's shoulders. Yet Daisy only manages to look almost —almost— as beautiful in George's eyes.

When Dev and Y/N walk into the restaurant together, her hand tucked around his arm, George experiences the tell-tale clench of disappointment. However, his inner self knows better, disappointment might be one of the many symptoms, but the most prominent is jealousy.

<< So there's a new London Boy. >>

"Y/N Y/L/N!" Daisy trills. "I'm so glad to finally meet you."

"Hello... Daisy?" Y/N replies with a discreet smile. She looks over at George, wondering why this Daisy is not the one she expected to encounter, this Daisy doesn't smile in the exact same way George does, and this Daisy is one Y/N hasn't ever heard about. George wants to apologize, entwine their hands and explain the long thread of misconceptions that took place since that one call in George's suite, but he knows this is not the place nor the right time to do it.

"Dev," London Boy #2 greets, extending his palm to shake Daisy's. George is grateful. "Are you George's girlfriend?

George is not grateful anymore.

Dev's eyes shine, he directs to George, "She's gorgeous, man."

"We're not a couple, actually."

"Oh."

"Yeah, we're complicated," Daisy ripostes.

George smiles at him half-heartedly, his gaze drifting immediately to Y/N's face. The studied neutrality on it, which every movie star learns to uphold in front of a press line —only to drop the facade when they're out with friends—, is what makes every trace of that half-smile disappear completely.

"What is it?" Daisy whispers as George pulls out her seat for her. No matter the situation, he is a gentleman.

George bends, so her lips are at the level of his ear. "What is what?"

Y/N catches the movement, and their eyes meet from across the table.

Daisy puts her little hand on George's bicep. "Why do you look so..." Y/N is staring at him, "...so sad?"

George's answer is stolen when charming Dev pulls out Y/N's chair for her. George has shared enough time with Dev on set, howbeit, he didn't realise how...touchy he is when he expresses his attention. The moment he is seated and Y/N smiles next to him, he brushes his fingers over her cheek and the corner of her mouth, with careful attention. Y/N isn't looking at George anymore.

On cue, George tears his eyes away too. "I don't know what you mean," he tells Daisy breezily, pressing his lips to her temple and sliding into his seat in one smooth movement. It's a dick move, he knows, but he has never felt so jealous in his whole life; thus, he cannot get a proper hold of his emotions.

Daisy is smart, intuitive, George is sure she doesn't buy his excuse when her hand cautiously removes itself from his arm and comes to fidget in her lap.

"Georgie..." she tries again, under her breath. Dev taps Y/N on the chin, and she responds with a tiny smirk.

Fuck it. George swallows harshly. There is a bitter taste in his mouth he can't seem to get rid of, not even after his second sip of scotch. "Everything is fine, Daisy."

But Daisy won't stop eyeing him after that. Long, searching looks from behind her menu and wine glass; quick, puzzled glances she tries to play off when Dev draws her into the conversation. When she reaches for it, George permits her to wrap her little hand around him under the table, but he doesn't squeeze back.

Y/N focuses her attention on Dev, letting her feed things to her off his plate with his fork and placing her hand between his shoulder blades when he murmurs a question into her waiting ear. It might be due to the same reason as George allows Daisy to hold his hand, or it might be because she is as angry as George suspects.

Dinner runs long, even though George can't remember anything that was discussed from the arrival of the breadbasket to the departure of the dessert plates. Only the cut of Y/N's lips, the bump of her chest when she breathes, her entire face in perpetual profile.

After picking at her food and swilling way too much chardonnay for her unlined stomach to handle, Daisy gets drunk. You've got to be kidding me, crosses George's mind before he's practically forced to piggyback Daisy out of the restaurant, into Tha Taj's elevator and to his room. She hooks her chin over his shoulder.

"Have fun tomorrow," Y/N susurrates. Dev has his palm at the small of her back, and George wants to slap it away.

"I'm sorry," George starts to say, but drunk Daisy surprises him by biting down gently on the juncture of his neck and shoulder. If he were not a good boy, a good London Boy, George would have dropped Daisy off his back. He wants her gone, now, yet he understands Daisy is at an awkward position, and he hasn't helped at all. George should be honest with her, how come, though? If he hasn't been honest with himself.

As an answer, Y/N shakes her head, dismissing the matter. She forces a smile, George can tell, it's the same expression he writes on his face when he's tired and annoyed and still has to stop to take photos at an Award Show. "Good night, heartbreak prince," Y/N murmurs.

That strikes a chord. George whips his face around, baffled. First London Boy, now Heartbreak Prince. He can't remember it as clear, but his sister repeatedly plays a particular album when she bakes, it is the same record London Boy belongs too, and a certain song, phrase, quote, lyric, contains those two words Y/N just told him: Heartbreak Prince.

Greta gives George the day off. The rumour has spread that a beautiful and clingy visitor surprised him on set yesterday. George hadn't asked for special treatment, but Gerwig insists.

"Show your girl around," the director says over the phone, in the sage tone of a mother. He can't help but correct her, Daisy is not his girl, merely a friend. Greta laughs, maintaining her position, "I'll film the scenes you aren't in. Marina and Edmund (George frowns at it, he doesn't want Michael Fassbender kissing his girl. But at least it is not Dev Patel), falling in love. I had their scenes programmed in two days, I'm just going to advance it. We'll survive without you for a day, prince."

Prince?

And again, he tortures himself with his endless theories about London Boy and Heartbreak Prince. He tells Daisy he's tired, so they reclude on his suite. To show Daisy around feels like betraying Y/N, he visited every landmark on the city with her, and he doesn't want to corrupt the memories by bringing a girl who's not her.

George pours Daisy a cup of coffee. She slept in his bed last night after he'd gently unzipped her dress and slipped one of his sleeping shirts over her head. George fell asleep in a chair by the bed, watching her breathe and feeling like a terrible person. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go out? You shouldn't miss Mumbai's wonders because of me..." George comes to her side, handing her the cup, which she sets down on the nightstand. Then she holds out her arms, so he knows to crawl back into bed with her.

"I came here to be with you," she says, pulling him down until he's half on top of her. Her fingers thread through his hair on cue, but now the gesture lacks the confidence it used to have behind it. George doesn't know what makes him kiss her on the collarbone, almost like he's asking for forgiveness, but he does it once, twice, before resting his cheek against her chest.

They only have sex towards the end of the day, after George has texted his sister concerning a Taylor Swift song —he thinks is— about a Heartbreak Prince. As the other Daisy dips a teaspoon in each of the tarts and cakes available on the in-room dining menu, his sister sends him a youtube link to a song called Ms Americana & The Heartbreak Prince. George doesn't play it, it would be weird if he pulled out his AirPods with Daisy in the room. Instead, he reads the lyrics.

Scrolling through the words, he comes to terms that the nicknames might be nothing but a coincidence. He is indeed from London, and if anybody saw the way Daisy' stared at him at yesterday's dinner, they would have called him Heartbreak Prince as well. But another part of him, really wants it to be premeditated. He wants to be the London Boy, and he wants to be the boy Y/N thinks of when —if— she listens to Taylor Swift sing: you know I adore you, I’m crazier for you.

At dusk, when Daisy slides her hand up the back of his shirt, scratching lightly down his spine, George knows what she wants. She keeps her eyes open like she wants to memorise the expression on his face as he divests her of her underwear and pulls her body against his. Her mouth tastes like strawberries.

Daisy was never very vocal in bed. Whenever they get together, which is often because who's George kidding, that's basically the purpose of a no-strings-attached relationship, she muffles her moans into his shoulder or trades them for delicate gasps. The look of pure, unadulterated pleasure on her face expresses more than any sound could. Tonight, on the contrary, as he moves over her, she cries out uninhibitedly, like she doesn't care if anybody hears. Like she would just keep going even if someone came knocking on the door demanding her to shut the fuck up.

"Daisy," George forces out in the heat of it all, brows furrowed. "Am I hurting you?" And even as he says it, he hopes, so fervently, that Y/N is still out filming, not alone in her room next door, privy to their noise. It makes him sick to his stomach. The fact that he's thinking about someone else —another girl— when Daisy is wet and naked beneath him. "Tell me if I'm hurting you."

"Not like this," Daisy mumbles.

The cryptic nicknames are still running through George's mind when he's led to a chair and simultaneously seen to by hair and makeup. Daisy left this morning, much to George's relief. The feeling doesn't last long. He knows he should expect it by now (They shoot ninety per cent of their scenes together, for god's sake) but that doesn't stop him from jerking in surprise at the sweet sound of Y/N's voice. It sends his stomach into knots, and he swears he can feel something fluttering around.

"Hello," is all she says as she climbs into the makeup chair opposite George's. The stylists enveloped her in a white lace ruffle gown. Her dyed black, long hair has been placed into two victory rolls at either side of her head. It makes her look like a fucking angel and there, right there, is that wretched question in her eyes.

George folds his lips to wet them. "Long time no see, Gorgeous." He ventures, because his research told him it is also a Taylor Swift song, and maybe she'll take the sign that he has discovered her little riddle —if it even exists.  

"It's only been a day," Y/N giggles. "But I know what you mean."The tinge of longing behind it does not go unnoticed. 

"I didn't know about you and Dev," George ventures, because he can't help himself. "I guess it really is off this time with Henry."

"It's been over for a while, Geo." Y/N looks over, and the heat of her innocent gaze sets every single bump on George's spine on fire. "And Dev is just–"

"Are you sleeping with him?" George butts in.

Y/N's eyes darken. She’s clearly mad, and with the right to, what the fuck is wrong with him? "No. I'm not sleeping with him and its none of your business." Her voice is sharp and hollow, and George can only think about how even though he just screwed up, he can still get the girl. That, until Y/N continues, "Only one of us has bedded someone since we got to Mumbai, and it isn't me."

George flushes, swift as a sea swell. "You heard us?"

"I didn't have to," Y/N replies dryly.

Then, just like the first day they'd met, at the read-through in London, she seems to sense that she's said too much, and her mouth —that perfect, kissable mouth, stills over the last word. She shifts in her seat.

"I'm sorry," she mutters. "That was inappropriate of me."

"I'm sorry, too," George offers in return. Everything about the apology is melancholic.

"For what?"

"Thinking you were sleeping with him." After a pause, he continues, “And telling you about it. That was really disrespectful.”

But that's a lie. George is sorry for so many other things. He apologizes because he feels like he's just cheated on someone, and worse, on someone who's not even with him. Call him coward, George doesn't want to ruin what they have. What if she isn't over Henry? What if things don't work between them and they can never go back to this?

He doesn't know how long they sit in silence; it could be three minutes, it could be thirty. The hairstylists and makeup artists have long finished their work and proceeded to the craft service table. The crew is having technical difficulties today, something about the street’s uncooperative lighting. From behind them, George can make out an intense discussion on veganism between two of their co-stars (one plays Marina's maid, and the other plays Clint, a soldier who's close friends with James). Tomorrow, the girl and two other actors who portray Marina's parents will fly back to London, having completed their scenes in Mumbai.

George and Y/N, along with the rest of the actors who interpret Marina's love interests and Clint, will stay on for another six days to complete theirs.

"When I was dating Henry," Y/N says out of the blue, her voice stumpy but clear over the din of production. George smiles at the past tense she employs. "Someone else tried to confess his feelings for me."

"Just one person?" George is not in the teasing mood, so his smirk is lukewarm. He wants to thin the heavy sensation in the air around them. "I find that hard to believe."

"So did I," Y/N continues, "because we were really close friends."

That's not what George had meant, nor what he had been expecting. He wanted her to giggle, laugh even, not to feel like she's speaking to him. Maybe she suspects George fancies her, and this is her way to prevent him from going further.

"Oh." It takes a little time for him to formulate a better response. Y/N waits, or at least, that's what it feels like. "How did it happen?"

She picks at her fingernails, "He told me at a dinner party."

“What's a dinner without a little drama," George says, referring to their dinner with Daisy and Dev, just to fill in the static.

"After dinner, the cast was supposed to head to a bar and him, Booboo, said he wanted to drive with me."

"Booboo…” The name is too singular not to recognize. "Booboo Stewart?"

"Yes," she confirms. Y/N's fingers curl in the lacey fabric of her dress. "We walked to the parking lot together. And just like that, he began to tell me."

A chill treads lightly over George's nape. "What did he say?"

"Nothing," Y/N takes a deep, deep breath and releases it, like something in it has pained her. "I shut him down so fast. " Y/N's mouth sets in a grim line. "I asked him if he enjoyed the dinner, and all in a rush changed the subject to Henry and how good our relationship was at the moment...'"

"And what did he say?" George whispers. His heart is pounding out a hazardous beat.

"He didn't say a word," she tells him. "His face just crumpled, right there in front of me, and I felt so terrible." Y/N tugs at the snug, starched silver necklace she’s wearing as if it's part of the problem. "He was pretty much my best friend among the cast, you know? So I just pretended it never happen. I wanted him to know I still considered him a friend."

George can already see where this is going.

"But after that night, things just turned so weird between us," Y/N says. She's not looking at George, it only adds to his unease. "We couldn't rescue our friendship."

"It ruined it..." George murmurs.

The girl exhales, and it's as pained as it had been earlier. Her eyes have mellow considerably, and finally, she stares right into George's blue eyes. They don't exchange words for a while, their gazes seem to hold enough meaning. George is scared, frightened really, but he still manages to ask what intrigues him.

"Why," his throat works. "Why are you telling me this story?"

"I don't know." Y/N's voice falters, and George waits for the worst. Instead, she says something George didn't expect: "I guess because, recently, I feel like I'm Booboo, trying to say something and getting cut off before I can."

"If you're Booboo," George says, with a twinge, "then who is you?"

The look on Y/N's face is bewildered; soft and yielding too, like overheated butter.

There is a fifty per cent chance —George thinks to himself—, that she won't say what he wants her to say; rather, she will name the London Boy whose hair is black and eyes are brown. That leaves a fifty per cent chance —he continues thinking—, that Y/N will say what George wants her to say. And that is his name.

It is you, George.

"All right!" Greta bellows from the centre of the car park. Y/N snaps to attention, and the spell binding them together is broken. "Lighting issue addressed. We're ready for you!"

Inside, George's organs have turned to quicksand, caving into themselves speck by speck.

"That's us," Y/N says, hopping out of her chair. "Thanks for letting me ramble over my ridiculous stories," she laughs, and it rings with nerves.

George gets up too. "I like your stories," he mutters, suddenly thinking about closure and the different definitions it would hold for him, for Daisy, for Y/N and for, now happy (he hopes), Booboo Stewart.

"Excuse me?"

George didn't realize he wanted to tell someone so severely until Dean called and asked him about his time in Mumbai, his scenes for Dharma, and if he had won the bet. "You did. I liked it. Kissing Y/N."

"Are you telling me?”

"I want her." No filter. "I think I'm infatuated with her."

"Wow." Nothing is masking Dean's shock. "Wow. All this time, I was having a blast teasing you about it, because you're not the kind of man that falls for his co-star, but...wow." He chokes out a laugh. "You won't be a bachelor anymore, huh?"

"Won't I?" George says miserably. "Nothing is going to happen, Dean."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"No." He and Y/N only talk in riddles. "It doesn't matter, either way, because I won't ruin our friendship."

"I understand," Dean puts in. For the first time in many months, George can tell his friend is being wholly serious. "But can things really go back to the way they were now that you know?"

"Now that I know...what?" A question for a question. It's always been a bad habit of George.

Dean spells it out for him with impatience. George can imagine him rolling his eyes, sick of him, "That you have these feelings for her." He exhales. "I hate to be the one to break this out for you, but if you don't tell her how you feel and she goes back to Henry or dates someone else, do you know how will that make you feel?" Dean barrels on, not bothering to stop for breath. "Ridiculous! Full of regrets! Like you lost her when you had the opportunity to be with her, right there in front of you. Idiot."

George grips his phone a little tighter. "I won't get hurt. And I have Daisy." He's gritting his teeth, molars digging into each other as he speaks. "She's a good girl, and she loves me, might give her a chance."

The silence is back, but only for a moment. "I understand you, Geo." It feels like their stations have been reversed, and Dean is age, and George is beauty. "Daisy is everything good." It's sad the way Dean says it, pitiful, even. "But you can't stay with people just because they're good. You stay with them because they are everything."

George tries to form a rebuttal to that, the leather case of his phone squeaking in his hand from how tightly he's grasping it. But he comes up empty, and he and Dean huff into the receiver at the same time.

The final scene of Marina and James is ironically, filmed on their last day in Mumbai. It is their reunion, where a wounded James comes back from England, unaware that Clint informed Marina about the injuries he suffered while fighting the rebellion, and that at the same fire in which Colonel Edmund lost his life, James lost his sight. Marina loves him and is finally able to be with him, even if Edmund is ashamed of the way his face, and body looks.

They're filming the whole thing at the Gateway of India. George remembers it well from the time they went to Elephanta and Y/N held onto his arm as if her life depended on it. George will remember it for another reason now: the end of a brief, bewitching chapter.

Greta Gerwig pulls his two leading stars into a meeting before she starts rolling. "I want to work with you two again," she says warmly. "I knew this movie was going to be a success when you both signed on."

They smile in turn, murmuring their thanks.

The director gets down to business, looking pleased as punch. "What I need you to do for me in this last scene is making me feel the longing." She squeezes her fists together with gusto. Then she looks at them with a smile painted on her thin lips. "I want it to feel like you're the only two people left in the world. Forget about the extras, and Aakesh looking at the scene. You don't see anybody else —George quite literally—, or hear anybody else, except the person in front of you, and how much you missed them while you were separated." Greta breathes in. "You think you can do that?"

"I'll try my best, Boss," Daniella says in earnest. George nods along, watching her. He wonders if Greta Gerwig, the screenwriter and the vastness of the universe are all conspiring against him.

George repasses his lines on his head, it's supposed to be a sign to the last time James and Marina saw each other —when they made love. The lines are the same, only said different, and George knows every single sentence James will speak to the woman he loves when he hears Greta Gerwig's "Action!"

George can hear the sound of his own breathing crisp in his ears. If he cuts his eyes, just so, to the right, he can make out the rosy swell of Y/N's lip.

"Can you love me like this?" he murmurs, chest heaving. The force of his real-life emotion slams into him like a concrete wall.

"Always" Y/N —no, it's Marina, Marina— thumbs over the still open scar that cuts from his right eye to his chin. Then, so slowly it aches, she kisses him.

There's a celebration party that evening at an Italian Restaurant. It's on the eighth floor of a midrise commercial building. From the window, George observes the rows and columns of flashy lights that crowd the horizon, blinding and unapologetic.

He and Y/N stick close together, preceding conversation for a silence that teems with unsaid things.

As the night winds down, and the people around them begin to file out in a wine-induced haze, George is emboldened enough to ask, "Can I sleep in your room tonight?" He knows how close he is to reveal himself (if George hasn't done it already), how inappropriate it is to ask that to a girl, and he doesn't give a shit. "For old time's sake."

"Uhm…yeah, no problem," Y/N answers. "Whatever you want." It's so simple, yet so loaded, and it makes George curl his toes inside his sneakers.

They take turns in the shower. George's brought his sleeping clothes and his toothbrush, the way he does when he goes over to Daisy's...but George stops the thought right there because he's decided to be selfish this final night. He's not going to think about her at all, neither about Henry or Dev Patel. Not even about the potential, this night has to ruin their friendship.

In the morning, when he flies back to London, everything will go back to normal anyway.

Y/N is already in bed when George emerges from the in-suite bathroom. She props himself up on her elbows when he shuts the bathroom door. Then she smiles, and she pats the space beside her, just like a friend would. It's the same side George had slept on when they'd taken that nap together.

"Did I wake you?" George asks, feeling warm and wistful.

"I wasn’t asleep" is Y/N's reply. "But I should be. Come on."

George feels the dip of the mattress under his backside. The linens guard fragrance of the detergent, and he senses the stillness of the air between his arm and Y/N's, under the covers, where they do not touch.

The girl turns over on her side. "We had a good time, didn't we?" Her breath fans over George's cheeks, toothpaste-fresh.  

"I had a blast." George stares at one of the switched-off ceiling lights. "I had so much fun working with you. And even when we weren't working," he adds in haste. "Every second of it."

Y/N is heavy-lidded, but not in a way that suggests lethargy. "The feeling," she says, "is mutual."

One, two, three, four, breathe. George tries to resist, tries to keep his head above water, but it's as if his body is on autopilot. He turns over on his side too, so he and Y/N can see each other's faces.

He lets the words breach his lips before he can change his mind. "Did Henry ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

It's enough to disrupt the assembly line of Y/N's slow, steady blinks. George loves the way her eyelids flutter, completely surprised. He files it away for the future when he can no longer see it up close.

Y/N's lips part. "Not recently."

"Take it from another man, then," he says with conviction. "You are beautiful."  

"You’re very handsome yourself," his companion mumbles.

George's heart pulses painfully. All right, George, it seems to chide. That's enough. That should be enough to last you.

It's like Y/N has read his mind: "We should get some sleep." She presses her lips together; they're moist at the centre from where she's darted out her tongue. "Early flight tomorrow."

"You're right," the boy agrees. And at that very moment, he feels impossibly reckless.

There's a surge of something potent behind his ribcage, and then he's leaning over and pecking Y/N's bottom lip —so softly, it could almost pass as innocent.

"Good night, Gorgeous," he whispers, bravado slipping a mile and minute. He doesn't look her in the eye. He only turns his body in the opposite direction and switches off the lamp on his nightstand.

The room falls dark.

When Y/N cautiously hooks an arm over his waist and keeps it there, it liquefies George's bones.

"Sweet dreams, Geo," she whispers into his nape. Her voice is defenceless, and it seems to suggest that Y/N isn't holding him to any promises. "Thank you for Mumbai," she tells him, and it breaks George's heart.

ɴᴇxᴛ ►

A/N: The next chapter is the last one, loves. xx