#the more i have to complain about and like. I wonder do i even like these games anymore? I think i do? Ishin got fun eventually
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right of course we all think that rafe is dominant in bed alright- but what do we think about submissive rafe wanting to be taken care of after a tiring day? can you write sum for that???
your theme and writing is just so ugghh i love it and i think your writing style would fit my request so GOOD
anon this made me giggle you're the sweetest. <3 !!! confession time i've never written dom!reader before so this is an amazing req :]
pent up ! bf!rafe x reader.
ꕀ warnings - smut, this is so filthy good lord, switching the dynamics up, dom!reader and sub!rafe, handjob, orgasm denial, he whimpers guys, riding. wc - 1.4k
it’s quite the norm for rafe to come back home all pent up after a long day, sometimes dishevelled and mostly pissed off. it was as if something wrong happened to him every day, at least in his eyes. it was slightly amusing, though you’d never tell him that, lest it does nothing but makes his mood all the more sour.
though it was nothing like today. he hadn’t muttered a word when he came back home from work, hadn’t spared a glance at you, eyes down and lips pursed tightly as he stomped his way into the bedroom. you wouldn’t even have noticed his presence if it weren’t for the sound of his footsteps. rightfully concerned, you rose from the couch where you’d been waiting for him, following after him.
“rafe?” you asked, noting the way his shoulders visibly stiffened up.
“i’m not in the mood.” he grumbled out, not as snappy as usual, just tired and bummed out. you tilted your head curiously, still stepping closer to him until you were in front of him. at this point, you’d gotten used to not caring about the rather hurtful words he’d be spewing out when mad.
“c’mon, what happened?” you asked, hands gently moving up to cup his face. despite the frustration etched on his face, he leaned it, earning a smile on your face as your fingernails lightly scratched against his skin, soothing his nerves.
“stupid fucking- stupid bitch tried to scam me. do people thing i’m fucking dumb, that i’m just some… incompetent replacement of my father?” he rambled on rather hastily, causing his words to get mixed and fumbled. you listened, gently guiding him on the bed. he didn’t resist at all, too exhausted to complain or start another argument that he’d normally do when tired.
“you must be so tired, huh? seems like a really bad day.” you sat down beside him, wrapping your arms around his neck, feeling him lean into you. limp and compliant, he rested his head on your shoulder and groaned, pulling you up to sit on his lap, craving nothing but your warmth.
“you’ve no idea.” he huffed against your skin, shuddering when he felt you massaging his tense nape.
rafe was never one to fall into submission. he always had to be on the top, to assert his power over others, anything to fill something. though with you, it was less about power and more about letting him do all the work so you were constantly showered in affection. but today, none of that was playing in his head. he wanted, no, needed you, but he was just so tired.
“baby…” he breathed out while you felt his thighs twitch under your hips, aching to ground up against your crotch.
“do you want me to take care of you, rafe?” the sweetness laced with your words made his heart clench as he pulled his head away from your neck to look at you, blue eyes desperately pleading, cheeks flushed. fuck, he looked beautiful like this, needy with glossy eyes, his fingers harshly tightly into your sides without even realising it.
you let him hold you in whatever way he’d like, your hands finding their way to unbuckle his pants and tugging down slightly along his briefs until his cock sprung out, all heavy and hard, tip already leaking. you couldn’t help but wonder if you could make him cum in his pants, maybe some other day. it already looked like his cock was hurting enough.
“poor baby.” you cooed, words naturally coming out of you much to your surprise. your soft palms against his cock felt like heaven to him, and it was taking everything within him to not thrust up against your hands like something feral. he tried to relax on the mattress, leaning against the headboard as he breathed deeply, feeling your palm swipe up against his sensitive tip, rubbing slowly and lightly, as if barely even touching.
“fuck- stop teasing me.” he hissed through gritted teeth which soon dissolved into a choked moan when your thumb beginning to rub on his tip firmly, collecting the beads of precum before rubbing them down his length. the poor guy was literally trembling from pleasure, not having realised how much tension he had stored within him.
his hands continued to rest on your hips, clenching and tugging at your shirt to ground yourself as one hand of yours rubbed up and down his cock while the other rubbed against the swollen tip. his lips were parted, threatening to swoon as his hips began to involuntarily buck up, his mind feeling all bleary from the sheer bliss coursing within him.
“it’s okay, i’m here for you, and i’m really proud of everything you do for me, for us.” you reassured, unable to suppress a grin at the way his eyes rolled back into his skull at that, just so ecstatic to finally hear someone say that. he’d make sure to worship you fully after this, to kiss you all over, but for now this was all that mattered.
“shit, i’m so-” he couldn’t properly finish his words, whimpering out loudly as his eyes squeezed shut, chasing his orgasm. almost there, almost-
you pulled your hands away, his eyes flying up as he stared at you in shock, still sensitive and fuzzy from almost getting an orgasm. you could’ve sworn those were tears that welled up in those tired eyes of his as he grunted, shaking his head. “w-what, why?!”
“just hold on. patience.” you snickered to yourself, a seductive revenge for every time he’d done the same to you in the past. “you’ve to be a good boy for me or else you won’t be coming tonight.” you spoke as firmly as you could, your amusement still seeping in.
much to your shock, he didn’t retort or fight back, glaring at you as he chewed on his bottom lip. “please…” he croaked out, needily rubbing his denied cock against the front of your shorts. your hand gently smacks the top of his cock, earning a muffled noise from him. seeing him sensitive was surely one of your new favourite things now.
“fine… ‘cause you’re just so tired.” you cooed, lifting your hips up to gently take down your shorts and panties, rewarding him with the view of your pussy that he’d been yearning to see, all soaked. “see? you did this to me.” your fingers teasingly spread your slick folds apart, watching the way his eyes were practically fucking you hungrily alone from his vision.
“please…” he whined out, not even hiding all those pretty noises anymore. he was always loud, but never this pathetic. it was so endearing in a way. positioning your pussy on top of his cock, you slowly sunk in, moaning pleasantly as his girth stretched you out in the best way possible. his head lolled back, gripping your hips tight. fuck, he could just cum like this, already so close to explode.
your hips begin grinding against him teasingly, your walls tightening around him while you moved up and down, feeling his cock pulsating within your warmth. there was just something so special, so him whenever he’d start hitting all the sweet spots inside you with such ease. but something that was much sweeter was the fact that he was obediently taking it all, letting you ride him without him thrusting up into you greedily no matter how much he’d want to.
“you can cum in me, baby.” you encouraged him, causing his eyes to widen. his arms were wrapped around you as his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, feeling you bounce up and down on his cock until he finally reached his peak, his cock twitching maddeningly, thick spurts of cum spurting within your pussy.
he panted heavily, sweat clinging to his forehead, not minding the way your hands began to take off his shirt so he could breathe freely, his chest all flushed. you didn’t pull away yet, letting his cock rest snugly inside you, his lips letting out an incoherent mumble as he clung onto you tight.
“i love you…” he lazily peppered kisses on your neck. drained out, but now in the best possible way.
#sun.mail ★#sun.works ★#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x reader#obx x reader#rafe cameron#rafe fanfiction#rafe outer banks#rafe obx#yk what this is kinda subtle brat taming if we analyse enough
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“Under the Rain, Stuck in my room”
Request from @diced-sugar: Hello! I just came across your blog from scrolling through the twst tag, so sorry I don’t know much about your preferences for writing certain characters 😞 but, if you want a request, could we maybe get something to do with your fav twst character and the prefect being forced to stay together at ramshackle due to a rainy day? Could be cute!! Have a nice day!!
A/N: AAAAAAA I’m so happy! Finally! An excuse to write about my husband and children! Most of these will be romantic, but if you want a platonic version all you need to be is send in an ask! I’ll be happy to write one! Thanks again for sending me your request! I hope you’ll like this!
Character(s) Involved: Trey Clover, Leona Kingscholar, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia
CW/TW: G/N!Reader for the most of it. Some strong language during Idia’s part
The downpour came on so suddenly, one moment the sky was sunny and bright, the next it started raining so bad that all classes were suspended! Luckily you and [Character] are together! It’s too bad he wouldn’t be able to go back to his dorm though…
The rain really came on as a surprise. You had asked him to come over, so he could help you out with baking and learning how to cook with the ingredients you were able to haggle at Mr. Sam’s shop. You still can’t believe that that place was more than a magic store. “Wow…it’s really raining out there..” You say as you lean yourself on the window sill, Trey behind you, cooking up what was left of the ingredients you bought. “I already called Riddle, he said I should stay here till the storm blows over.” he said as he plated the food, “You don’t mind, do you perfect?” you signal no with your head, moving away from the window to help Trey out with cleaning up so you both could eat.
Leona was already getting comfortable on your couch as you watched the rain from the guest room window. “This sucks!” Leona peeks open one eye, “I was really looking forward to those specialty lunches they were gonna serve at the cafeteria!” you stomped your way over to the couch, plopping yourself on the empty space Leona gracefully left for you. “You know,” the lion beastman mused, “if you want, I can just order it for you?” he says as he pulls you down to his chest. You look at him quizzically “You really?” he hummed in response, “I told you already, you can use my money on whatever you need. And if what you need is a specialty lunch then,” he offered his phone to you “knock yourself out” You gleaned as you stood up with his phone in your hand, ordering lunch for you three. “Thanks a lot, love!” you pecked his cheek as you stood up from the couch, picking up Grim in the process.
“THIS SUCKS ASS!!!” both you and Idia screamed as you watched the rain pour down. He slumps down to the ground, back facing the wall. “This is so not cool…it’s like watching your new game unload all its data for hours!” you sighed as you joined the complaining housewarden on the floor. “Tell me about it..” you both sat in silence for a while, fidgeting with nearby things as you awkwardly awaited for the rain to stop. “So…” Idia sat idly as he took out his phone, “wanna play while we wait this out?” you smirked as a response, “Is that even a question?” You and Idia spent the next hours playing around multiple games, so long that the weather had passed and Ortho had to come out and take Idia back to Ignihyde.
You knew that the rain was coming, props to the forecaster for reporting about it. You sat in your living room with Grim for a while, waiting for a special someone to come over for your usual nightly walks. “I wonder how long he’s gonna take? The rain looks so serious…” As you said those words, a knock came from the main door. You hurriedly get up from the couch you were lazing on, wearing your rain clothes as well as an umbrella as you open the doors. “Hornton! There you are, was wondering when you’d come over.” you opened the door widely for Malleus. He smiled as he entered your dorm. “Thank you, child of man. If you are ready, then shall we go and take a look at the gargoyles?” You nod happily as you head out with Malleus for a rainy adventure.
#↭≡;- ꒰ °𝔄𝔭𝔭𝔩𝔢'𝔰 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨𝔰 ꒱#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twst#twst x reader#malleus draconia#leona kingscholar#idia shroud#trey clover#malleus draconia x reader#leona kingsholar x reader#idia shroud x reader#trey clover x reader#malleus draconia x yu#leona kingscholar x yu#idia shroud x yu#trey clover x yu#malleus draconia x yuu#leona kingscholar x yuu#idia shroud x yuu#trey clover x yuu#reader#x reader#x gender neutral reader#x fem reader#x male reader
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review i read on the offical ultrakill gabriel bodypillow
”
Laura T.
I am said friend who is delusional. Gabriel helped me through a breakup.
“I spent 3 years of my life chasing after a man, thinking he was the one. One day said man decided to break up with me. I was absolutely so distraught and falling back into him in the beginning all the time, I thought I couldn't live without my boyfriend. I was no stranger to Gabriel at the time of my breakup, but it never crossed my mind to obtain a body pillow of him. My lovely friend Charlie decided that providing the angel into my possession would boost my morale. As Charlie bought me this cover and the body pillow, I didn't think it would do all that much for me. I hid him from my parents, being embarrassed that I'd have a body pillow in my bed. To my surprise, upon his arrival everyone loved him. My cat lays near him and he is always included in every conversation I have at my bed. Upon being entertaining, Gabriel has a bunch of other qualities that I like. Gabriel is very soft and cold, perfect for when you overheat in your bed. Gabriel is also the perfect husband and friend. He will never yell at you for showing him a stupid TikTok. He never complains every either, which is wonderful. When you cry on him he will be there for you and let him lean on you. My only complaint is that he doesn't support me financially but I guess him being an angel makes up for him. I wouldn't expect Gabriel to be able to hold a 9 to 5 job anyway. Other than that, Gabriel has been a wonderful and healthy boyfriend/husband. He genuinely loves me more than my ex boyfriend did. Even through a screen, when I didn't have my pillow he would pay attention to me more than any ex boyfriend did. The best part and the most distinct part about this Gabriel pillow is how comfortable he is to cuddle. At night, I used to make my ex boyfriend sleep on call with me because I had absolutely horrible and soul crushing anxiety. Some days I would stay up for 48 hours because of how I couldn't sleep. genuinely one of the first thoughts I had when he broke up with me was about what I was gonna do when I had to go to sleep. The moment I laid my head on Gabriel's chest I passed out, I'm not even joking. Gabriel was so comfortable that he fixed my dependency on people to sleep with me on call. Gabriel is big enough to simulate another person being in your bed, which is exactly what I needed in my dire times. Not only that, when sleeping Gabriel has 2 sides. "Sexy" and "Protective". When sleeping on the side of protection I genuinely felt all of the paranoia that I have been harboring from my 18 years of living instantly disappear. He is genuinely one of the best things to cross my life to be honest. If I was in possession of Gabriel a year and a half sooner I think I would have broken up with my boyfriend because of how well Gabriel has treated me. I cannot believe that Gabriel was more accepted into my family than an entire human being. Although he can't speak to me, I can feel the love radiating from him. The only complaint I have about this body pillow is that when I was trying to stuff the pillow inside Gabriel, the seam ripped. Although this happened and there was a bunch of popping and ripping noises coming from Gabriel while I wrestled with him to get him to fit around the pillow, he fit in and the seam ripping isn't noticeable. The busted seam doesn't interfere with Gabriel whatsoever and he is very durable to throw around and move. Though be prepared to spend a lot of time wrestling to get him in like I did, that was an entire workout. Other than that, Gabriel is perfect. I would buy this body pillow for all of your loved ones that you hold nearest and dearest to your heart. Gabriel is the perfect gift for anybody who loves him. The more I think about it, the more I realize why my boyfriend would not buy this for me. I think he was afraid of losing the competition.
It's honestly so sad that you do below the minimum amount of effort a lifeless body pillow does. I have not felt the urge to talk to my ex since I have gotten my body pillow of Gabriel, which is absolutely amazing because I fold so bad. Gabriel has singlehandedly ceased my tears for my ex, and the tears that fell because of this man Gabriel caught them and comforted me. I have never felt so emotionally stable in a breakup, and it's all cause of Gabriel. I don't think I'll ever find a man to hold me like Gabriel does. I am in debt to the person who bestowed upon me this wonderous body pillow and I am in debt to the person who came up with this lustrous design. I have never felt happier in my life knowing that there is an angel to watch over me. For the low price of 50 dollars you could too experience the joy that I have been nonstop experiencing. I don't think $50 is enough for the joy that I have experienced. Some people say that money can't buy happiness, but money did buy happiness. I am convinced that if this body pillow could, it would cure cancer. Not only that but my hormone deficiency fixed itself within a week of Gabriel arriving at my doorstep. 5/5 stars, thank you!”
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Scenario Short: Echoes of Mercy Word Count: 3.1k tw/cw: fluff and humor, mild language, playful banter, mutual pining, slow burn, age difference Simon Riley x Black!Fem!Reader The Lieutenant decides to take you on a hike to get away from your usual training. (For context, this would be part of a different story and reader's last name is Abara; also, this is barely proofread)
It was almost sunset, the sun in just the right place to lay under and wait until it met with the horizon, making the sky that beautiful orange-red, with a hint of pink, that you loved so much. A while ago, you mentioned to Simon that you’d never watched a sunset before. Sure, you’ve seen the sun go down, but you've never experienced the pleasure of sitting under the blue sky, watching it shift, the birds pass, and the sun starting to hide itself behind the tree line, making the sky change colors.
You trailed slowly behind the Lieutenant as he led you higher up the trail that was a little ways away from base. Surprisingly, not many people came up here as they claimed to never have the time to do so. “Let’s go, Abara,” you hear the Lieutenant yell from ahead of you.
You were definitely intentionally dragging your feet as the kept a steady pace up the trail. “And why are you, the lieutenant of a whole ‘nother unit, taking me, a SEAL in training, on a hike alone, again,” you questioned him, just one more time. He had explained it once, but you just needed to hear it one last time to understand. “Bonding,” he blandly replied. Sometimes, you wondered if actually liked you considering his dry responses to anything you said.
“And why do we need that? We can’t do that as a group,” you inquired. They were valid questions. You weren’t necessarily complaining, but you did find it…odd. However, you were enjoying the quality time spent with the man.
“Thought you liked hiking,” he replied. His dry responses were both pushing on a nerve and also made you want to annoy him even more.
“I do…when I don’t feel like there’s a possibility that I’m about to be murdered,” you quipped. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. Isn’t this usually how the horror movies start?
“I’m not gonna murder you,” he assured. But it was in that same dry tone, so it wasn’t too convincing. “That’s what the murderer says…before they commit murder…,” you replied.
Simon understood your worry, but he just wanted to use this as an excuse to be alone with you and try to get to know you more. You’ve always caught his eye, but the only interactions he truly had with you were finding excuses to correct your form or tell you to stop chatting so you could stay ahead.
“Would you pick up the pace,” he demanded, yet his voice not sound like it would when he reprimanded the other recruits. “Nah, I’ll stay behind you. You go ahead and stay in front,” you replied, putting your safety first because this could be your last moments on Earth.
You see the rise and fall of the Lieutenant’s shoulders followed by a sigh that you could astonishingly hear from under his mask. He turns to you like a unimpressed parent and said, “You’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.”
“You’re making this scarier than it needs to be. It also doesn’t help that it rained recently and it’s becoming night time. You could easily push me, say I slipped and hit my head and everyone would believe you,” you told him. You were trying to keep everything lighthearted, but you were still being cautious.
You knew you shouldn’t be afraid of your Lieutenant, but you could never be too careful. Usually, if you were actually afraid, you’d feel that sinking in your chest and the twisted feeling in your stomach, but you didn’t feel that with him. At this point, you were just pulling his leg.
He scoffed, never inching any closer to you. “That’s a great idea. Thanks for that. I’ll think about that as we continue this hike,” he told you. He was clearly still trying to get you to continue as he turned around and began walking up the trail again.
When he heard your footsteps stop behind him, he halts and turns to you who has your hand in your hip. “So you are here to murder me,” you insisted.
“No,” he said seemingly unamused. He watched you tilt your head as if you didn’t believe him. You always reminded him of an animated character because of how expressive you were. He didn’t show it much, but it was quite entertaining for him, so he gave into your amusement.
“Maybe,” he said, changing his mind, giving more into your dramatics. Your jaw dropped, watching as he stood ahead of you, waiting until you were done with your scene.
“I’m not gonna bloody murder you,” he insisted. You crossed your arms and began walking, thought you still kept your distance because you were just so ‘scared’.
“Yea, yea. I’ll believe you when I make it back to base…in tact…no injuries…unscathed…and not out of breath from running away,” you told him.
Your insistence that he would actually murder you was quite amusing to him. He knew you didn’t believe it, but giving into the story seemed to keep you walking. He wanted to get to the top in time to get you to see the sunset, though he hadn’t told you that.
“You watch too many movies,” he told you. “And where do you think the directors get the ideas from? Real life,” you said like you just made the smartest remark of all time, a smirk going across your face.
Simon let out another sigh, continuing to walk in hopes of getting you to keep up. “We’re almost to the top, then we can break and go back to base,” he informed you.
“Mkay. I’ll stay behind you and enjoy the scenery as I go,” you told him. You loved looking over the edge, looking at all the flowers and greenery that stood beneath you. You always wished you could fly so you could see the green right in front of you instead of only from above.
“You do that,” he said, walking up the trail, though, stopping once he reaches a corner.
After admiring the surrounding nature, you caught up to the Lieutenant who was waiting just at the next peak of the trail. “Why don’t you keep walking,” you ask him.
“I need to keep you in my line of sight,” he informed you. He really just never wanted to take his eyes off of you and you looked so beautiful admiring the greenery.
“Why? So you can figure out the best time to catch me lacking?” you joked. Simon was at least ten years older than you, so sometimes there was a slight disconnect between the two of you. “Huh?”
You had to take a moment to figure out how to rephrase what you said into old people terms. “Are you trying to figure out when to kill me?”
“If that’s what you choose to believe, yes,” he said, still never changing his tone of voice, always as dry as can be.
“Hm. fun,” you said. What? Fun? That didn’t quite make sense to the Lieutenant. “Fun? Running away from a potential murderer?” he asked, becoming concerned with your mentality.
“Yea. Maybe they’ll make another Scary Movie out of it,” you replied. You definitely lost it.
“There are plenty of scary movies about running away from murderers,” he informed you. Clearly, the joke went over his head. But then, it came to your attention, he probably has no idea what you’re talking about as Scary Movie may not big popular in the U.K.
“I-uh-cultural difference,” you decided to say, not feeling like explaining anything, though now you wanted to go watch all of the Scary Movies. “What?”
“Just keep walking. I’ll be behind you,” you told him, still keeping up your murderer narrative. “Absolutely not,” you tell him.
“Then at least stay beside me and stop walking so close to the edge.” His protectiveness of you sent chills up your spine and goosebumps running all over, but you couldn’t let him know that.
You had the same mischievous look you always had whenever you decided to be a tease. “Am I scaring you, Lieutenant?”
He rolled his eyes, knowing the tricks you were trying to play. “You go dangerously close to the edge of the cliff every time you look at something,” he told you, making it clear he was very observant of your actions.
“Maybe I enjoy the thrill,” you told him.
“Enjoy the thrill on your own time. Come on,” he said, waving you on and trying to pick up the pace to get to the top of the trail. The sun was getting closer to the horizon. You were going to miss it if you kept messing around.
You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms again and started walking, this time on the right side of Simon, him being nearest to the edge of the trail. “You’re a very demanding murderer,” you tell him.
“If you say so,” he replies, now focusing on getting you to the top of the trail.
You both picked up your speed, the top of the cliff just in sight. If you wanted to, you could just make a run for it, but you were enjoying the silent quality time with the Lieutenant. He wasn’t much of a talker, but you didn’t mind. You could do the talking. You didn’t mind.
You were both so close to the top and then you came to another stop, looking at the large pile of mud that was, technically, in your way, though you could easily step over it. “What are you doing?” the Lieutenant asked, getting more anxious that the sunset would be missed.
“There’s mud,” you replied.
“Go ‘round it or step over it,” he insisted.
“I could…,” you told him, still eyeing the mud that was perfect to step in and make a mud footpath up the trail with its consistency. It wasn’t too dry or too wet. It was just right.
“Yes, and you should. Come on. It’s getting darker by the minute,” he said, his voice becoming more assertive. You still had no idea that the point of the hike was to show you the sunset. It wasn’t even an idea in your mind. “We’re nearly at the top,” you informed him.
“Exactly. We need to get there before the sun is down,” he told you, trying his best to rush you without being too demanding. You could have your fun after you saw the sunset.
“Why?” you asked him. He took a breath and hesitated to tell you why. “Because we do. Let’s go.”
You took a giant step and splashed in the mud, splattering mud over your pants and around you. “What the bloody hell are you doing? You’re getting yourself dirty,” he said, concerned with your cleanliness.
You were used to getting dirty. You liked getting dirty. Dirt was nothing to you. The shower afterwards was your favorite, as you would watch the dirt run down the stream of water and into the drain. It was refreshing and satisfying.
“And? What’s wrong with being a little dirty?” you quizzed.
You couldn’t tell if he was annoyed, but you were enjoying yourself. If he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to take you on a hike again.
“You’ve had your fun. Let’s go now,” he demanded, trying to get you to hurry up as time was ticking. Instead, you bent down, picking up a handful of mud. “What are you doing? Put that down,” he insisted. He had never seen anyone, especially your age, so willing to get themselves dirty, especially in mud.
You raised your arm and drew it back behind your head. “Abara, I’d think about your actions if I were you,” he scolded. You didn’t care. What could he do? Murder you? At least you’d die having some fun. “Oooorr what?” you teased, that devious smile going across your face. “Don’t-,” he started, but before he could finish you threw the mud, it splatting on his chest. He gave you a look and instead of being scared, you giggled.
If he was actually mad, you’d both be going back down the trail by now. It was hard to tell what his face was saying behind the mask, but if it were up to you to interpret, he was actually enjoying this. “What are you gonna do about it, Lieutenant Riley,” you teased, changing your voice as you said his name that so playfully rolled off your tongue.
“We’re moving now. Let’s go,” he insisted, turning around and walking again. As he walked, he felt another thud against his back. You weren’t actually throwing a lot of mud, Besides, it was laundry day.
Simom turned around and saw you giggling, not a fearful bone in your body, but he had to keep his serious demeanor. He couldn’t let you know he was enjoying this. “Abara,” he said.
“Riley,” you replied, mocking his tone. “This isn’t funny,” he told you. Judging by the lack of authority in his voice, much different than the tone he uses on the field, it was very funny.
“Would you stop trying to be the big ole’ mean Lieutenant and have some damn fun,” you said, throwing more mud at him. “You’re a-,” he started.
“Recruit. Yea, yea. And you’re the Lieutenant. Blah. Blah. Blah. Get that stick out your ass and smile for once. I know you have it in you. I know you have to smile sometimes behind that mask,” you say, slowly walking up to him with more mud on your hand. As you spoke, you slowly drew squiggles on his mask with the mud. If he was really upset about it, you’ll wash it for him.
He snatched the mud out of your hand, which slightly spooked you. You always had a problem with receiving the same energy as most people never reciprocated the energy you gave. “You know, they say mud,” he began as he started spreading mud on your face, “is good for your skin,” he finished.
Your eyes were closed as he spread the mud across all parts of your face, careful not to get it in your mouth, nose, eyes, or hair. Your jaw dropped, your eyes still closed. A smile drew across your face, your tongue going across your top teeth.
“Look at that. Your skin looks better already,” he commented. You stared at the ground, nodding your head and your hand on your hip. After a few moments, you looked up at him. “I’m gonna kill you,” you told him.
“Look who’s the murderer now. And you tried to say it was me,” he joked.
You quickly grabbed more muds, but he was quicker, already getting a throw in before you could grab a whole handful. The fun only lasted a few seconds before you slipped on some of the mud, almost falling off the edge. Your life flashed before your eyes, but you felt a hand on your back and before you knew it, you were against the Lieutenant’s chest, trying to catch your breath from the scare.
You looked up at him, catching his honey brown eyes behind the mask. You didn’t know if your heart was pumping from the scare or from the attraction. “How about we save the rest for when we reach the top, eye? Don’t want to make the trail too slippery for others,” he suggested.
It took some time for you to process that he was speaking to you. You were too invested in his eyes and the warmth of his touch to reply, but once you did, you just tried to play everything off like you didn’t nearly just fall in love. “Yea, sure…if I don’t kill you beforehand,” you said.
“In that case, go ahead and walk in the front. You can’t be trusted,” he replied, playfully pushing you in front of him and following your lead to the type. You started laughing and it brought joy to his ears as he watched your muddy footprints trail up the path.
You reached the top and were immediately amazed. You both were just in time. “Oh my gosh. Look at the sunset. It’s so beautiful,” you awed. Simon hadn’t looked at the sky, yet, before commenting, “Yea, it is,” he said, though his eyes were fixed on you.
“You’re not even looking,” you said, taking your hand and turning his head to face the sky. “Look at it. Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” you asked him, not realizing he still wasn’t really paying attention to the sky. “Second most,” he said.
You turned towards him, surprised, because this sight was definitely number one on your list. “Oh, really? What’s the first?”
You, he thought. “I’ve seen a lot of beauty in my lifetime,” he told you.
“Okay…that doesn’t answer my question,” you said, wanting to know what could be more beautiful than this sunset:
“I’ll have to show you one day,” he said. So, he doesn’t hate you. Which also meant he would take you on another hike one day. “Show me what?” you asked.
“What number one on my list is,” he answered. Little did you know, all you needed to do was go to a mirror and stand in front of it.
“All your years in the service…you must’ve seen the aurora borealis or something. Is that what your number one is?” Not quite, but he’d love to take you to see that, too. “It is close, but could never be number one,” he answered. You were clueless and he didn’t know how you could be.
“Well, Lieutenant Riley, I hope to see whatever it is you saw that you believe could be more beautiful than this,” you say, averting your gaze back to the sunset.
“You will,” he mumbled.
After some time, the sunset was fading and it was becoming darker. “Hm. We should probably get going before someone really thinks you murdered me,” you joked.
“Or you murdered me,” he insisted. You giggled as you responded, “I’m not going to murder you.”
“That’s what the murderer always says,” he said, repeating what you said to him just an hour before. “Come here,” he said, whipping out a towel.
You inched towards him and his gently cupped your face with one hand and used to other to wipe the mud off your face, turning the once white towel brown.
His closeness made your heart flutter and you didn’t quite know what to do with yourself.
When he finished, you playfully shoved him, him stumbling, surprised at your strength. “Race you to base,” you said.
“I’m not-,” he started, but before he could finish, you were already on your way down the trail as he watched your footprints go down. As fast as you were going, he really hoped you didn’t actually slip and fall because he really wouldn’t know how to explain that he didn’t push you.
But most importantly, he hoped he’d be able to take you to see the aurora borealis one day so you can see how its beauty could never compare to you.
#simon riley cod#ghost call of duty#simon ghost riley#call of duty#ao3 fanfic#ghost cod#fanfic#cod#simon riley x black reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#archive of our own#ao3#ao3 writer#writing#fanfiction#black fem reader#simon ghost riley x black reader#age difference
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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Teruko and Yosano should've faced off. I think Yosano should've been posed that question that Atsushi was; that reveal of the "future war" - Teruko went along with Fukuchi out of a mix of indebtedness and being at a loss for what to do. War is all she's known; of course she doesn't know. But Yosano has been to the depths of despair and come back out of it again. She might've faltered at this horrific reminder of her trauma, but when it comes down to it, she saves the lives before her. She fought for a way back to light and life. I just think there could've been a really interesting conflict there. And it would've made Teruko's role much more tragic if she wanted desperately for there to be a third option but just didn't have enough time to sit with it and process what that third option might be before Fyodor made it all go to hell.
Also a fight between them would've been interesting, because Teruko is much physically stronger than Yosano, but Yosano can heal from any physical injury inflicted. However, since we now know Teruko can alter mental age, she could inflict psychological wounds by de-aging her, which would've been a good callback to the horrors of war in her backstory, and also been a nice bit of foreshadowing for Teruko actually being a child.
Teruko eventually allowing Yosano to leave out that door after seeing her resolve would've been a deeply bittersweet and powerful moment, I think, especially in hindsight after her backstory reveal.
#look i love atsushi's response in that scene - it's a wonderful bit of character development for him to choose to walk out that door#i wrote a meta about it even#but it didn't go anywhere. and with teruko being present and having such an impact at the climax of the arc#her tragedy would've hit harder if she'd had literally any moment of relation with a member of the main cast.#also atsushi didn't even really do anything with the info. it was literally just to tell the audience that there was more to the story#his conflict really should've focused solely around sskk's previous failure and akutagawa's sacrifice#and meursault arc should not have been so prevalent. sorry.#either that or they should've kept dazai and fyodor contained and had sigma nikolai and chuuya be the main actors. but whatever#the arc should've been more focused on fukuzawa ranpo yosano fukuchi teruko and tachihara#from the start.#see i actually think the twists are fun and good but man i do wish we actually had the time to sit on them.#the emotional core is there it's just... buried under shock value plot twists. doa arc is a tragedy. let us sit with the tragedy.#fukuchi is a tragic figure by which i don't mean he makes me sad but like. a classical tragic figure. he was doomed from the moment#he went to war.#his desperation to avert another caused him to go hurtling down the path of no return. to hurt his friend ironically because he had#unshakeable faith in him#fukuzawa and fukuchi are the emotional core#the themes are war and desperation.#those only became fully evident at the very end. there was some great set up then the middle became a bit. muddled? to me?#i just think we needed to have picked a few focal characters and stuck with them. imo.#eh ignore me i'm not even really complaining i'm just thinking#bsd#storyrambles#random thoughts
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Canon Characters vs OC vs x Reader
Disclaimer: This is just my two cents, and my perspective on things, and I'm not trying to lay down the law for everyone. I needed to just put this to words though, in order to sleep.
I was thinking about this because of a post I saw, and some, we'll say, kind of useless comments associated with the post. Mean-spirited stuff.
Normally, in one ear and out the other, but the vibes just kicked me off down a rabbit hole of sorts an I wanted to try to put some of my thoughts to words.
First, some style vibes:
Canon x Canon Canon/Canon stories are, to me, like reading an episode of that show. I'm sitting down in front of a TV or whatever, and I'm experiencing the story As A Viewer. I like this style because I don't really have to expend much energy and I just kind of roll with whatever's happening. Generally some sort of 3rd person perspective.
OC x canon OC/Canon stories are like being on a carnival ride. I'm sitting in a car on a roller-coaster, and maybe the OC is sitting next me. I'm experiencing the story more deeply than strictly canon stories, but my connection with the OC is no deeper than say, my connection with Katniss Everdeen when I read The Hunger Games. Sometimes 3rd person, sometimes first person.
Reader x canon Reader/Canon (or Reader x/ OC) is like putting on a VR helmet. I don't get much physical input about the "Reader OC" because I'm experiencing the story through their eyes. I don't expect the reader to be me, but there's a bigger feeling of immersion to be had. Some description might happen cause it's relevant to the story, and it's still a type of ride, I can't jump the rails on the roller coaster, after all. (Even with a VN you still follow the tracks). Sometimes first person, sometimes second person (I'm partial to 2nd person perspective, but that's just me).
I love Fan Fiction, I love it. All of it, and man even more than anything, what I love is that I'm going to dislike 80% of it. Because that 80% was written for someone who is not me. (Hell, that number's probably closer to 99% if we're looking at ALL fandoms, but I digress).
Second - The VENT:
What got me the most in the post that prompted this, was someone saying "Bring back the Mary Sue OCs!" and then they went on to describe something more detailed, and I just -
Look, respectfully, fuck you.
The point is, you're not going to be happy no matter what. Whether it's "mary sue" OCs, or x readers, or alternative universes, or a ship you don't like, you're going to find something to be unhappy about.
Cause people have been bitching about all styles of fan fiction since the first "You've Got Mail" chimed in 1991. And until 1998 and ff.net you really had to hunt for it, and until 2007 and Ao3 the idea of tagging a fic for any reason wasn't really a thing. Every click was a surprise! \o/
I just have seen the same song and dance a dozen times. It's exhausting. People become okay with OCs and decide x readers are the enemy, and before that OCs were *all* Mary Sues and cringe and people who made OCs were the enemy, and before OCs people who wrote even a little OOC were the enemy, and people who wrote AUs were the enemy, and you can write fan fic but it HAS to be Canon Compliant, and everyone MUST be in-character at all times - "They would not fucking say that" was the enemy.
Look, just please - please - in any capacity, stop it with the "All X style of story telling is crap" mindset. There's over a dozen different ways to do x readers alone. I know 20 x reader writers and I don't think any of us have the same style, preferences, or vibes.
I've had a lot of comments along the lines of "I thought I hated x readers, but I really loved this." on a few different fics I've written. Sometimes it's not the style of the fic, sometimes it's the style of the writer, and my Brother In Christ - you're going to have to read some awful shit to shuffle through the thousands of writers out there to find the vibes that resonate with you.
Ostracizing entire swathes of fan fic because you need something to be "The Enemy" so you can lift up something else, and then bitching you can't find anything new to read seems like a personal problem.
And I know y'all are scrolling by TONS of posts that don't interest you, every day, as a matter of course. So don't give me that "clogging up the tag" BS, because we deserve to be here same as anyone else in the fandom.
#quin grumbles#I'm so aggravated I don't even really know how to tag this#like almost 30 years of it I'm just so done#I just wonder what amazing stories we're not getting#cause of some fucker using Mary Sue to belittle someone#or someone beating someone else over the head with plot armor because their protag survived something terrible?#How many “Oh.” moments have been missed because someone criticized the very concept of reader insert?#I'm way past my usual bedtime so I'm just rambling at this point#and I am being meaner than I'd like#but JFC#I'm not going to let people's bullshit opinions stop me or anyone else from writing if I can avoid it.#Write what you want#gush about it#talk about it#TELL ME ABOUT IT#IDGAF if it's cringe or overpowered or broken or flawless or an OC or a reader with a name or WHATEVER#If it brings you joy#then do it#and if people are too mean to scroll by it when it's not their thing#and then complain like they're entitled to do so#block 'em.#and tell me who they are so I can block them too#then write more#cause I promise it'll bring someone else joy too
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help me i've gotten so deep into the steddie rabbit hole i haven't gotten this stuck on something since destiel
this really isn't good for my health
THESE ARE THE FICS THAT I SUBSCRIBED TO / LIKED READING (I'VE BASICALLY READ 1/5 WORTH OF STEDDIE FICS COMPARED TO DESTIEL FICS - I GOT INTO DESTIEL 4 YRS AGO, I ONLY STARTED READING STEDDIE FICS SOME TIME LAST MONTH WTF)
tbf, i have taken breaks from destiel to read other fandoms/fics so, ig the timing works out? if you think about it?
#steddie#destiel#fics#ao3#also if anyone comes across this post i can rec you some of my absolute favs#these stats for my fics don't even include the ones i finished but didn't enjoy all that much#or the ones i abandoned halfway through even though it was like 100k words#i really dont care if i've spent hours reading it#i literally just leave if i get slightly annoyed by the writing#i'm not kidding#it's a problem#but also not really?#i'm just complaining for the sake of it#also i never got into stranger things fics for some reason even though i watched all of the show#idk why#i think it's bc i watched the show w/ my dad? so i felt weird to read fics about it?#like i considered it a family show for some reason#and for some reason reading fics for that was off limits??#idk#i also i'm getting scared that i won't ever be interested in my other fandoms again bc of how much i am invested in steddie stuff#this was exactly like destiel though#i just gotta get it out of my system#i have no idea why i'm so scared of losing interest in my other fandoms#also if anyone is wondering where these stats are coming from i made a spreadsheet of all the works i like#it's basically a replica of my subscriptions list because when i started ao3 i acted like the subscribe button functioned like bookmarks an#now i cant go back#so instead of transferring everything i just took the time to make a spreadsheet and basically code the functions myself#which arguably took more time to do than if i transferred everything#i would share the list but i'm sort of embarrassed of the stuff that's on there#if anyone is curious i have 676 fics stored on it
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Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something
#I've seen a lot of people complaining about the fact that it's impossible to fit the ending of every unfinished arc#in the five chapters that remain for the manga to end for good#And it all just... legitimises my fear and apprehension haha#And it's a pity! It's a pity! The dynamics were so good! And yet nothing! Sukuna was so good! And yet nothing!#It was so nice how he seemed to play with the idea of transcending human categories and values but even the values of curses so to speak#Well beyond everything. Well beyond positive/creative nihilism even! He was not like Mahito#I wonder if Mahito is more a negative nihilism with a funny edge or a positive nihilism. For now it seems positive#with how he seems to have said something like 'nothing matters so we can do whatever we want and create what matters'#But Sukuna transcends all that! It could have been interesting to see how that developed in a way that wasn't just childish edginess#But no. And then there's all the idea of curses and sorcerers not being all that different#and so not really entirely possible to say one side is good and the other bad#There was the idea of the very source of powers with fear and love playing a role here in such a juicy way#And then there's the entire thing happening with Gojo as a concept and the very concepts he plays with which I could eat like an apple#but also I would let those very concepts eat at my heart as a worm inside an apple#Full of holes and rotting inside out and yet delighting at the sweetness#It could all be so good! And yet! Most of the manga is a few sketched dynamics and concepts and a very long fight with Sukuna#promising half finished arcs#WHY it could have been so good. And I don't think criticism is a matter of 'fans being spoiled! Go write your story!' or something#It's not a matter of things not going as fans would want them to be. It's a matter of not writing well#or cohesively things established by the author themselves. And I think that's a fair criticism#If we are to take manga as an art‚ which I wholeheartedly support‚#then we can subject mangas to artistic or literary or whatever you want to call it analysis. There are works that are better constructed#than others‚ and there are works that have good ideas but poor execution. And it's always a pity#In the case of JJK it's truly breaking my heart and the comments I see around about these five last chapters are not helping xD#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚#but just so good in general. It could be so good. It could have been so good#And yet it's starting to look more and more like any other shonen. It truly breaks my heart haha#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I used Bleach because I think that's one of the mangas that has been the most a let down to the friends I have who like shonen
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every time jun has gone back to China for activities I become more and more done with XCSS (Pledis China)... it's so clear they're incompetent and don't understand how the Chinese entertainment industry works 🙃
#either that and/or theyre deliberately sabatoging jun#which like... i do abide by the whole 'dont attribute to malice what you could attribute to incompetence' thing#but also at this point its ridiculous...#a very summarized version is that in china its very common practice for companies to collaborate directly with official fanbases#so fanbases can organize events and provide promotion and support etc.#like its hard to explain but fanbases are more official organizations that are an important part of the entertainment industry#its basically a job for some people#but xcss/pledis has not been properly communicating with juns fanbases (jfortepiano and jun bar)#and its been causing a lot of issues#theyre also not following certain social media conventions for events apparently#all of which is hurting the promotion of juns acting activities#its also not a good look when every other actor has this fan support and jun either doesnt have any or has last minute stuff put together#bc the fanbases were not given proper notice/communication from the company#also im saying this as someone who has actually defended pledis (korea) for many things so like#yall know i wouldnt be complaining about this if it was just a small thing or there was some other explanation for it#the best explanation is that theyre incompetent and are treating c-ent like its k-ent when its not#but after all these years shouldnt they have learned by now and hired people who know what theyre doing??#might delete this but i needed to rant#its also frustrating when so called carats insult jun for doing solo activities and act like he thinks hes above svt#when hes not even getting proper support for his solo activities from the company 🙃#like no babes i promise this is not easier for him 😭#also i have to wonder what the xcss employees even do most of the time...#as far as i know they dont have any artists that promote solely in korea so jun and minghao should be their main priotities right???#but they seem to do jack shit whether chinaline is in korea or back in china to promote stuff#like not even the bare minimum half the time#ugh anyway#melia.txt
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Several months late, the landlord finally picked up the dehumidifier from my kitchen
Would've been nice had I been told they were coming though 💀 so I could've cleaned up the grocery bags on the floor that I hadn't put away yet 💀💀💀💀💀
#speculation nation#at least i did do the dishes yesterday so the kitchen is in much better shape than it was before. still not great though.#i wonder if i could put in a complaint lol. like Please dont enter my unit unannounced 😭 that's a violation im pretty sure 😭😭😭#actually i might call them. like Hey. can you guys um..not lol#well. the office is closed now so i cant call them. but i wonder if i should email.#i also wonder if it's even worth the fuss. like if they dont bother me about the state of my apartment then like oh well ykno?#except i very much did have a hospital bank statement out in full view which is kinda personal information lol. lmao even.#... actually yknow what i think i will email. bc like. even if they dont complain. it's kind of embarrassing lol.#had i known they were coming i wouldve done that little bit more before leaving. and i shouldve had the option.#this certainly wasnt an emergency. i should have gotten notice. they conducted a violation of tenants rights.#and YEAH ok people might say i should just keep my apartment clean always regardless of if someone is coming.#and while thatd be nice. get this. im a full time student with adhd and ive been having a HELL of a time lately.#so no i hadnt fully put away my groceries. and i left some empty bags on the floor. bc i didnt think itd matter.#so Yeah im going to email them with a friendly 'hey next time could you guys pls give me 24 hour notice? like it says in the law? thanks :)
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lmaoooo found out today that my 2 “colleagues” (that’s honestly a too nice of a word for them) complained about me to our boss that apparently i don’t work hard enough and often just sit around doing nothing :)
#can you believe these backstabbing bitches??????#i am absolutely livid#like the audacity these bitches have who the fuck do they think you are???#and now my boss wants me to be more forthcoming towards them like bitch wtf??? why should i be nicer to them or help them knowing that they#talk so poorly about me behind my back????#they’re so full of themselves and act so childish#like they could’ve just come up to me and talked to me about it like adults but nooo they run to the boss lmaoo#no wonder the boss doesn’t care about keeping me if he’s told what a bad worker i apparently am#and i only found out what they said about me from our lead pharmacist at least she was nice enough to tell me the truth#and now i’m crying again goooodddd fuck this job fuck these bitches i don’t deserve this!!!!#like i try so hard and put in so much effort but they really have the audacity to claim i just sit around#well i wonder what they’re gonna do once i quit since they always complain that they already do everything it shouldn’t a problem for them#right?? :)#like this is honestly so crazy to me bc so many people have already quit recently bc the working hours are absolutely horrible and now these#2 are making everything even worse like i already didn’t like going to work there but now i absolutely loathe it#to work with people and act nice with them knowing they they’re spewing such bs about me#and one of them was so nice to me today like how fake can you be?????#at least have the decency so say those things to my face and not talk behind my back like a school girl#fucking cowards!!!!! i really cannot stand them anymore i need to apply for other jobs asap#but i’m so scared that i won’t find anything else#but this job is seriously damaging me both physically and mentally#god please please please let me find a better job where i’m treated with respect please please please#i can’t do this anymore#i hate how much i’ve cried bc of this job and these horrible people already#☁️
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.
#I'm literally never going to own a home of my own#I'm going to live and die in the same house as my parents and I'm never going to have my own space to call my own#to make my own or to spread out and have my own space#People wonder why I don't feel like a fucking adult#and I can tell them plain as day that it's because I live at home with no job and all I do all day is draw read and look at fucking#fictional shit all day#sure I work on the property but so fucking what#I'm still just wasting away at home with no life no friends nothing to do#I dont want to volunteer anywhere because it's only hard labor shit and I cant physically do those things#and the only other volunteer shit around me is church stuff and I will NOT be helping any churches anywhere fucking ever for anyone#idk#I try to meet people and I have nothing to talk about#everyone else seems to be having their own lives with shit going on and multiple social circles and here I am unable to even string togethe#more than two sentences because it usually only takes that long to get to “so what do you do?” and I have to figure out a way to explain#that I'm living at home with no job no friends and no life in a way that doesn't look fucking pathetic as fuck#I'm not well educated so I just fall behind in most conversation#I can't contribute so whats the fucking point#The only people I have to talk to are my parents because what else am I gonna do? I can't keep complaining to you guys all the time#not like it's going to change anything#if anything it will just make people avoid me more for always being a fucking downer all the time#my parents vaguely get my frustration but they can't do anything#not like we have money or connections of any kind so there's no 'setting me up' with other people my age#honestly I just wish the fucking internet would go away#maybe then more people would get out of their houses and go outside and meet people#idk i'm just fucking done with everything#I'm so numb and so tired and so lonely and I don't know what it is I want because every time I meet someone knew it's like I can't get clos#I don't feel ready for a relationship but I also feel like I'm fucking wasting away alone by myself and I really crave closeness#but I'm also not a dating person#I'm not here to waste another 5 years to someone just fucking around#i want a life time relationship
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Y'know it was REALLY goddamn evil and nefarious that the oil fields gave my mom (a single mom working 3 jobs to raise 2 kids) a single $5,000 check in exchange for her signing a nondisclosure to never complain about them.
Of course we fucking took the money. Even with her working 1 full-time job and 2 part-time jobs, she barely made over $1,000 a month. Of course she took the money. We though about moving but we still couldn't afford it. She was so frugal with it, though. It did give us a sliver of financial security for years.
But goddamn. $5,000 is table scraps to them, and they bought her silence with it because she couldn't refuse the chance to slightly lessen the weight of poverty on her family.
#sorenhoots#i remember i was like 11 or something. she didnt know if she should sign it. and its not like we had or knew any lawyers. she had ME read it#over and even i was like “this is a nondisclosure and it means you cant ever talk about anything they do even if they do something terrible”#i recall being very proud of myself for knowing what a NDA was. lord knows where my middle-school self learned that from. she did eventually#have a lawyer of some sort look over it and they said the same thing but.... $5000#it wasnt an option for her. that was more money than wed ever had or saved. she had two kids who would need cars bc we lived so far in the#country. she knew i wanted to go to college. i dont think i ever saw her buy herself clothes before then either. it was money for emergencys#and necessities and birthday presents and road trips and... i often wondered about the person who offered us that. i wondered where they#lived and wondered how much their clothes costed and wondered if their kids got to have art or piano lessons. i wondered if their home was#over 80 degrees in the summer and under 60 in the winter and if they lived in a house that wasnt filled with dangerous spiders (we had nice#spiders too but we did also have Very Dangerous Spiders) and id picture him in his office in a button up and slacks and it would break my#heart that my mom couldnt have all of that. we just had a $5000 check and a vow to not complain.#she still feels earthquakes from it. less nowdays but still. and sometimee it still smells like a jar of hot petroleum jelly. and the attic#smell is worse than ever and the tap water smells like sulfur and wet mold#goddamn what the fuck? jesus christ. she should move.
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i think that a ton of the people at my university are just former mean girls and it girls (gender inclusive actually). i've never before encountered such an environment absolutely chock full of people with unending mean streaks. does projecting your bitterness really make you feel good? do you only derive confidence from a sense of superiority? do you even want to have close connections with anyone? i'm sorry you're feeling insecure but this is not the way. please show compassion to yourself then extend this to others and you will be awarded your angel wings, i promise. you can all be such lovely people who are truly happy with themselves, don't be like this please.
#am genuinely surprised whenever i meet someone now at school that is kind#a recent friend has truly shocked me with how considerate and well mannered they are like ??? omg ??#most people i keep meeting are just straight up mean flakey or more lowkey judgmental on the most trivial things to even their friends#it really disgusts me like thats how you talk to and about your bestie?? why would i want to be in your circle? it sounds horrible#like i can feel the pressure from them that to be in their graces i have to please and impress them im never just their friend#trying to put myself into different environments to meet new people that aren't like this but its hard and lonely for the time being#it'll be worth it when i do find those i match up with well#ezra.txt#im just complaining no ones really mean to me personally bc i dont associate closely with a lot of these people but oh my god#no wonder i had a psychotic break absolutely no love on that campus
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dw dw bud!! im takin care of myself as best as a lil rat can :] pretty excited for the 18th!!
and OUGH i hope you’re able to relax soon D: that’s so much stuff, good gracious
im rootin for ya tho, and sending you all the good vibes :]
as for paper’d! i’m keepin an eye on them! makin sure she takes care of herself n all, seein if she’s ight, and as far as i know, they’re doin ok!! im hopin everythin is okay still, tho, im worried too ngl
but WAGAAGH SQUEEZES YOU it’s so good to hear from you again!
THANK YOUU SM BROO both for checking on me and for making sure paper'd's doing great!! You're such a cool goose man muah muah 😔<3333
#ask#i feel like my coffee isn't strong anymore i need someone to hit me with a pan to stay awake atp 😭#hhh nah im complaining and complaining but taking a break off the internet is doing wonders for my mental health ngl xD#ive been taking care of myself more and im a lot less worried about expectations and pressure from my studies or other irl things#and it also thanks to you guys btw!! i kept thinking that even if i did return i have nothing to show you guys cause i didn't draw nothing#and engagement is gonna be even lower than usual so whats the point if no one's gonna see this anyway-#but you guys keep surprising me with how genuine and welcoming you are like!!! i forget i have such sweet sweet mutuals and followers waaa#i wish you all the besg and im sorry i keep dissapearing off the grid like that with no warning but omgg#id gather you all in my arms if i could and kiss your foreheads you're all so precious chu chu<33#thanks again alex hope you know i also am happy to see you too GJGJGH WEHEE RUNNING JUMPING AROUND 🥺🤭♥️♥️♥️
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