#the mind is a prison {text}
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#holey art tag#freeing this sketch from draft post prison#I had text on this picture but now it's text-free!!! Imagine what Holey had on their mind The Game#it's only important to me that you see they're smiling#on zoom out it looks a little to me like they're moping but I'm going to assume you can see#the faint smiles ok? esp Julius he's got a little self-deprecating smile ok? An 'I'm sorry I've told you this a thousand times over' smile#tales of xillia 2
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Fucks me up that we'll never get to hear the accents of people whose first language is now a dead one. Could you have told how far north or south someone's hometown was along the Nile because their đż and đ were fused on some words? Did the ancient Mycenaeans have a "pirate accent" from those who spent their days sailing to foreign lands?
How hard was it to translate things or learn a new language if one or both of the languages didn't have a written form, or if writing was limited to a small class of people? You couldn't use a phrase book or anything, and all vocabulary would have to be memorized. Someone would have to do it first. Would you pantomime everything until you found some basic understanding on a few words? Would you prize someone who had grown up in a mix of the two cultures, maybe born to a pair where each parent primarily spoke different languages, and treasure them as your translator?
What was it like to live in a world where literacy was so universally limited that nothing was built around being able to read? No signs, no labels, no notes, no advertisements, no help without asking someone verbally. The government (if you had it) and the priests (if you had them) might write a whole lot, but the average person wasn't expected to ever need to read that directly. Would you have paid more attention to the non-written world if you weren't under constant bombardment from text trying to make itself known everywhere you looked? Or would the hunger for information simply have gone unsatisfied?
#the people who came before us laughed and wept and danced just like we do and I miss them#there is a text from the egyptian middle kingdom detailing#a dispute between a man and his ba/soul#and i don't think i was in a good state of mind to read it#âDeath is for me today like when a man wishes to see his home after he spent many years held in a prison. â#I think his soul was right to argue against the man. I think the man was right to argue regardless#but overall#i got hit with a visceral sense of âoh. we're the same personâ#and i wish I could give the author a hug.#linguistics#history#ancient egypt obsession seeping out
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trying to use my OCD for the Powers of Good here
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Henry VI Part 3 III.ii name a better wooing scene you can't
#you can name richard iii i.ii but that's not a BETTER that's an EQUAL#ok maybe it's 0.2% superior#'to tell thee plain i aim to lie with thee'/'to tell you plain i had rather lie in prison' AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!#I LOSE MY MIND EVERY TIME I START BITING MY FINGERS#literally what is more dramatic than you go to a king bc your husband was slain in his war and you beg for his lands to be restored#and the king is like hahaha sleep with me and youre like excuse me >:(#and youre just SO fucking beautiful and alluring that the king PROPOSES TO YOU ON THE SPOT#FUCK OFFFF!!!!!!!!!#ALL HER PERFECTIONS CHALLENGE SOVEREIGNTY BRO!!!!!!! ONE WAY OR OTHER SHE IS FOR A KING!!!!!!!!!!#text post#shakespeare#henry vi part 3#3 henry vi#iii henry vi#edward iv#elizabeth woodville
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you're back!! it's been so long!! I missed you <3 <3
ahhhh I missed you too!! Life has been insistent on grinding me to a paste but we perservere
#life has been so so so hard <3#i've never fully recovered from long covid so an average workday was leaving me absolutely drained#and on top of that i had an incident where i was trying to look into a prior auth for a patient#the kid was trans and cried on the phone because he was afraid his insurance wouldn't cover his testosterone now that trump had won#his doctor was at her wit's end because she had been assured on three separate occasions that the authorization was all set#so since it was literally a dead day at work anyway i spent about half an hour playing phone tag with the insurance#trying to find out what their mcfucking issue was#only to eventually be told they wouldn't speak to a representative from the pharmacy about it and that the prescriber had to make the call#so i did let the prescriber know and found a goodrx coupon that made the price like $20#patient was thrilled and very grateful for the effort#(this was like. the day before christmas and his last chance to get his medicine before he had to travel.)#pharmacist however immediately jumped my shit when i hung up for ''wasting time''#despite the fact that there was??? literally no other work to do???#we had three other techs on and i was keeping up with the data entry as things came in while i was on the phone.#tried to defuse the situation by apologizing but she was literally top-of-her-lungs screaming at me#in front of my coworkers and the like 2 customers nearby. so loud that one person could hear her clearly from the bathroom#had worked with this woman for 5+ years and she was the reason i went to this particular pharmacy in the first place#left and texted my boss what happened and told her that this gets fixed or i'm out. had a meeting with the store manager and everything#told them i would have a conversation with her to see if we could move past this. and she refused to speak to me#so i quit and my bestie quit in solidarity and we have been job hunting except that we both also got sick as FUCK the next day#like vomiting shaking massive headache unable to function sick#his fever was like 104.7 at one point? it was ungood#i'm finally about 85% better and back on the job hunt but like. yeah#thought i had something lined up that would free me from the shackles of customer service but unfortunately the guy changed his mind#and the one pharmacy interview i had they wanted to pay me $10/hr đ homie that's a $9/hr pay decrease#so yeah life is a prison etc etc BUT not having a full time job anymore DOES mean#that i have the time and energy to tungl again without all the chronic exhaustion#silver linings!!!
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guys i genuinely don't know what to do. my quirky little destiel fic which was already far too long to begin with now has a second smaller fic nested inside of it and somehow the second smaller fic is the absolute crackfest of this supernatural/tazamnesty crossover where dean lowkey hooks up with barclay the bigfoot and i don't KNOW what to DO. do i cut the scene. do i post it separately. do i post it separately but ALSO leave it in the fic. do i just pretend like barclay is an OC i made up and all the references to the fictional town of kepler west virginia are incidental. WHAT IS THE MOVE HERE
#stuff#THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT THIS IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED#i think that i have no choice but to post the dean/barclay section separately as its own thing#because i don't want to tag the destiel fic as a whole as being a taz crossover when it's relaly just the one scene#but i don't want the very small niche audience of spn/tazamnesty crossover enjoyers to miss out on this goofy little thing#mostly for categorization purposes. they need to be separate#BUT THEN WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THAT SCENE IN THE ORIGINAL FIC#it was supposed to be like a 'oh dean's a repressed bisexual how can we unrepress him I Know let's give him a hot stranger man'#'and see what he does'#but then i had too mjuch fun and the hot stranger became bigfoot and i can't go back but i dont want to have to write this shit AGAIN#i get very bored writing sexuality crisis/internal sexuality realization scenes#like ughhhh just be cool with it who cares#this one was only fun because it was dean and BARCLAY TAZAMNESTY#and i cant do that shit again#you know what would be even fucking FUNNIER but would never happen#god. i can't do this. but dean/duck newton would be so funny just sosososo funny#the strong desire to write a legitimate tazamnesty/spn crossover case fic type deal is slowly taking over me#i need to be free#of my MIND PRISON#i'm going to watch jane the virgin. DON'T text.
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I regret this already.
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Hi I'm Lauren I'm new to this app, I'm just trying to make some friends. Can i be your friend?
Ohâsure! Cursory glance at your blog shows that we have a few interests in common. Whoâre your top 3 Owl House characters?
#talking#Iâm gonna be a bit basic and say that itâs the family trio Luz. Eda. King. in that order I love them so much#luz is everything to me. sheâs the most Iâve resonated with a cartoon protag & she brings out the best in people but also takes no prisoners#like YEAAAH make that pigeon griffin!#eda would also be so funny to be friends/mentees with#like sheâs literally collecting and selling human junk to people at the start of the series#but sheâs great to the people she cares about sheâs been through so much#also im very happy that in the end her family got bigger#reconciled with her sister and her partner. got a cool battle harpy form. pirate hook hand. love!!!#king is a critical hit for all the character tropes I donât relate to but LOOOVR#look at his design!#he names that robot JeanFrancoius or something after thinking it was gonna kill him 5 mins ago#heâs also so important the last two ladies so the affection rubs off onto him too#he roleplays Owl House with the collector for months to stave off the end of the world#his dad is the corpse everyoneâs been living on and heâs responsible for the new age glyphs for his sister to study LIKE ARE YOU HEARING ME#HEâS SO CUTE AND COOL DOIBLE THREAT#bllaaaaaarrrghhhhh ok thatâs enough talking I just got like 10 hrs of sleep yesterday feeling good#i usually have a delay between seeing messages and replying to them so if it takes me like a week to respond itâs not because I Iâm annoyed#though at the same time I donât mind if friends reply to me like months later since Iâm never urgent about anything I text#how do I tag you#Lauren!
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Nol and Kousuke; their continued parallels
I know I never shut up about parallels and mirroring and foiling but thatâs something that I find so fascinating about ILY - the intentional set up of characters who can illuminate something else in another character, and how the way they respond similarly or differently to their similar scenarios makes or breaks them. For instance, we see in Nol and Shinae typically positive mirroring - where she has learned from him how to be a better friend and turned around and gave it right back to him. But we also see between Nol and Kouskeâs parallels a tendency to fracture and create chaos.Â
The more we learn about Nol and Kousuke, and their relationship, the more intrigued I grow about how they parallel each other, because I think they are more alike than they - and some readers - realize. Or, rather, I think Nol is at least aware of it to some degree, but Kousuke remains locked up inside his comfortable bubble.Â
I donât have a clear cut thought-process for this post lol so please bear with me - Iâm just tossing around some thoughts Iâve been having. Itâs a LOT of long-winded rambling lol Iâm sorry in advanceÂ
To some degree, Nol and Kousukeâs parentage is paralleled. Neither of them had much of a relationship with Rand - for Nol, he didnât even know his father for years, and Kousuke may as well not have as busy as Rand always was. They also had a mother who loved them. Iâm using this word loosely here because frankly I think Yui sees Kousuke as an extension of herself, rather than a person of his own, and thus I feel like her love is more of a means for what she wants but, thatâs part of what Iâm getting at, too. Kousuke interprets it as love, Kousuke believes that their family is unlike others and that they donât show affection the same way, that nurturing isnât the same, and that Yui wants what is best for him and guides him to that goal. On the flipside, we have Nol who, as far as we can tell thus far, had a mother who loved him and doted on him, was affectionate and warm and made him feel like he was special, gifting him with a special nickname.Â
The foil goes further, too - Kousuke grew up wealthy and privileged, wanting for nothing, with the security afforded to the family heir who would go on to one day inherit the company and the fortune. Nol, on the other hand, we can tell didnât have the same fortune as Kousuke, and we get the sense that the only abundance they had was of warmth and love. Or maybe thatâs just my projection, haha. At any rate, we see the set up clearly: one is cold, lonely, but with all wants fulfilled*; the other warm and affectionate though they may not have had everything they wanted.Â
Itâs easy to see that Nol was nurtured. That he may not have had all materialistic wants met, but his basic needs were. When he first meets Kousuke, he exudes confidence and charm, he seems like a friendly child. We also can see in him, even if he buries it deep down, that Nol is deeply empathetic and understanding of people, and even if he did it for penance, he took it upon himself to help others - but more than that, he seems to intuitively understand what people need, because he understands the wants and needs of people.Â
Kousuke, on the other hand, doesnât have that same ability, because he lacks the experiences Nol has. When youâve had to want for nothing* your whole life, when you are intelligent and successful, when you have every opportunity afforded to you, you grow to accept what youâve been told your whole life: that you are the best, that you will go on to do great things, that you are above these other baser needs. It was through the internalized belief that becoming better will make his father love him, that he could earn his fatherâs love by being just like him, that he would impress him and receive the love and attention he craved. So Kousuke never developed that understanding of the importance of friendship and peers, never learned the strife and trials others endure. He knows heâs privileged, but he also knew that empathy was beneath him, because he had no need to engage with others, because he knows his place and itâs above others.Â
We havenât seen young Nol interactions with kids his age outside of the teasing about his name, but itâs safe to guess that he probably had a pretty decent childhood before he and his mother moved closer to Rand. Kousuke on the other hand admits that he knows no one likes him, that he lacks the personality and charisma Nol possesses, that he fears he acquired none of Randâs good traits and only the ones that made him the most like him in the worst way.Â
Idk this is something I like to talk and think about, because itâs not clearly not simply a story of have vs have nots, or, well it isnât so cut and dry. Because to some degree I guess it is. Nol had something that Kousuke didnât - that affectionate nurturing, someone who gave him reassurance and warmth, someone who made him feel love. Does Kousuke feel love towards his mother? Does he even feel love towards his father? At a very young age he internalized that love is different for them, and he also internalized a transactional sense of love. That he must be worthy of love, that he must earn it. He forsook the activities a normal child his age should have engaged in and instead set himself on a one-track quest to chase after the one thing he ever wanted but couldnât obtain: his fatherâs love.Â
Though it can be argued Yui loves Kousuke, it doesnât negate that he grew up in the face of neglect, and that he so deeply internalized this neglect until it poisoned him and grew from him an ugly, thorny bush that has him deeply caught within it. I think thatâs the thing thatâs saddest to me about Kousuke - he had everything he could want but for the one thing he truly desperately wanted, and it clouded him so strongly that he couldnât see beyond it. It turned him into someone jealous and unhappy, someone who couldnât bear to live with the idea that someone else might have had what he wanted, that someone else had experienced it, someone who wasnât (in his mind) good enough.Â
Kousuke believes that in order to win his fatherâs affection, he has to be good enough. And how could this illegitimate child possibly be good enough to win it? This illegitimate child who was nearly a spitting image of Rand, who had a bright smile and laughed. This child who emanated every positive trait used to describe Rand - every positive trait Kousuke had never born witness to.Â
And because Nol wasnât good enough because he was insatiably jealous the fear took root. Fear that nothing he did would ever matter, fear that Nol who already had beat him when it came to genetics, could possibly best him again.Â
That neglect played so heavily into Kousukeâs identity that he has yet to separate himself from it, has acknowledged the way he is driven by fear and jealousy, that he couldnât bear the idea of Nol ever besting him and did all he could to tear him down, to ensure he never could. And thatâs the thing - Kousuke wasnât wrong, although he wasnât correct, either. Nol could have bested him, just not the way he feared. And, until now, he had chosen not to.
Thatâs the biggest difference in where Nol and Kousuke foil each other. Kousuke was raised with cold, lacked the kind of warm nurturing Nol had, learned love to be transactional, and that neglect turned into want and grew into jealousy and fear so intense that he had to tear someone down. But where Kousuke was raised in a corporate family, by business minded people who had no room for empathy and certainly not for those beneath him, by people who needed to be cunning and make calculated choices, Nol was raised by someone who seemed to exude warmth and instill in him the kinds of morals that were beneath Kousuke. Nol came to this new home equipped with empathy, and also with a gaping hole of want.Â
Over and over Nol reached out to Kousuke, wanting to help him fill that hole of his own, hoping for a companion, for a buddy, to be part of a team. That even if they felt small - and though Kousuke may have felt otherwise, Rand certainly made him feel small and not good enough - they could have been together, they could have lifted each other up. Nol learned at an early age what it was like to have an ally, to have someone on your side, to have someone you were able to show your weakness to. Kousuke never did; he had to be perfect at all times. He could never make a misstep, lest he disappoint father, lest he set himself back on his quest for his fatherâs love.
And this further came to manifest as they grew older. Where Kousukeâs neglect turned him jealous and fearful, Nolâs didnât really externalize the way Kousukeâs did. Even though he was punched down by Kousuke and attacked, even though we know his experiences with Yui still cause him fear, even though he, too, suffers from disappointing Rand, Nol never really took it out on Kousuke, the way Kousuke did to him. I think thereâs another reason to it, but I do think his sense of empathy played a strong role, here. As someone going through it, and worse, Nol understood what it was like to feel like you werenât good enough, that no matter what you did you would never make a difference. Over and over again he appealed to Kousuke knowing he wasnât good enough in his eyes, but hoping one day he would be. He understood!Â
Thatâs not to say that he hasnât fought back because weâve certainly seen that throughout ILY Nol has started to push back more, that more and more his veneer has changed and heâs gone from obedient for the sake of keeping peace to going toe to toe with Kousuke and finally voicing his feelings. But I think even up until the night before his court date, Nol hoped one day he would reach Kousuke, that maybe there was something left in him that was salvageable.Â
But thatâs not all! I think thatâs the most obvious way that Nol and Kousuke foil each other, because it constitutes for so much of who they are, of their core identities. Nol made a point to distance himself from people out of both a fear that he would bring harm to others and a deeply held belief that he didnât even deserve that kindness. And yet he still reached out to people who needed that help. Even though his motivation stemmed from a selfish place (his penance), it still was an act of kindness, it was still him empathizing with people and playing his part to benefit them. Kousuke, though, came from an environment that encouraged every man for himself, that thereâs no good in softness, that you had to be hard to be strong you had to be above your feelings, that you had to be the best, that people were beneath you and you had to ensure they knew it.Â
And yet, Nol and Kousuke both are SO SIMILAR in ways that they donât seem to realize, I think, because they are so blinded by the very thing that makes them so similar.Â
Especially at this current stage of the story, we see that both Nol and Kousuke are at war with themselves. Or rather, thereâs a battle raging on within each of them, both of them contending what they believe to be true and actual reality.Â
Kousuke has spent a long time projecting on Nol. Weâve been seeing it for many episodes, all the way back to the night he got drunk at the club with Kousuke and Yujing and all the voices he âheardâ, people talking about him and saying things that were, frankly, true. Things that deep down he knows to be true of himself. Weâve seen him lie to himself on MANY occasions, usually to placate himself. Weâve also seen times heâs stated things with eyes closed, impying some kind of mask or lie. One that I remember off the top of my head really clearly was when Nol and Shinae were bickering about his jacket at dinner, and Kousuke told them theyâre ridiculous, theyâre acting like children. But looking back on it, doesnât it feel more like a moment of Kousukeâs jealousy he spoke of? That Nol is someone so good natured and easy to get along with, that people just naturally get along with him. He doesnât have these kinds of frivolous relationships with people, doesnât even allow himself them because thereâs no time he has better things to be doing.Â
But by stuffing down these little truths, by squashing down his insecurities and fears, by lying to himself at each opportunity, Kousuke plays heavily into the world he believes in, and itâs clear to us readers that the world he believes in is not, in fact, true.Â
Quimchee has talked before about how memory plays a role in this story - and that there isnât one true memory, because everyoneâs memory is biased by their own views, their own feelings. Memories are malleable - over and over you remember things and details change and you canât quite recall what was or wasnât true.Â
Kousuke speaks with such conviction of things that arenât entirely true. Even recently, he said to Nol âDo you know how much trouble Iâm in with father because of you?â even though heâd just had a phone call with Rand reassuring him he was not, in fact, in trouble, and that all Rand wanted was to know they are safe. But it doesnât compute with what Kousuke knows to be true - that Rand will be disappointed in him, that he is Nolâs keeper, that itâs his job to keep an eye on Nol, so he dismisses the truth and reverts back to his own version of things.Â
Not only that, but even the aftermath of that call roughed him up and worked him up so much it set him off on a spiral. Kousuke was dealing with a lot that night, especially with what he believes is expected of him. He was already high tension long before Nol jumped into the pool, and long before that call with Rand, but by the time he shows up at the Parksâ house, heâs full on spiraling, ruder than usual, meaner than he tends to allow himself to look in front of others (he prides himself on being a gentleman and understanding the importance of decorum and a good public image).Â
When reality tests his false reality, it sets him off. He canât handle the dissonance between the two, is incapable of facing that what he deeply believes to be true may not be. Because if that isnât true, what else isnât it? And from what we saw after he punched Nol and he took that fall, thereâs something buried deep in Kousukeâs subconscious that he cannot face, that he refuses to. Something that he is protecting himself from.Â
âSometimes those that experience trauma create falsified memories to cope.âÂ
Kousuke is speaking of Nol, but Iâm pretty sure heâs projecting. Heâs the one, I think, with the falsified memory (though Iâll get to Nol in a moment). He is the one who has come away from that night Nol was taken away the inherent belief that Nol is unstable and violent, that Nol attacked him, that he is constantly laying an attack on him. Heâs paranoid of Nol at every turn and takes every success Nol has as a slight against him. Maybe Nol was planning all along to use Oxford as an opportunity to best Kousuke and threaten him. But Kousuke never even considered an alternative. I think thereâs even a likelihood that he got in the way of Nol and Shinaeâs growing friendship not only to isolate Nol again, but because that jealousy still eats him up: that Nol is so personable and likable, that he just has a way with people who end up genuinely liking him, whereas no one likes Kousuke; he lacks what Nol has that makes him so likeable. But anything Nol does that looks like success is a slight against Kousuke. He canât bear to see him rise up, lest he ever rise high enough to eclipse Kousuke.Â
And while itâs very believable Nol is the violent one - because weâve seen him lash out already and we know about his punching bag and what angers does to him and how he relieves it - we also have to wonder. If Nol was the one who attacked, why was Kousuke the one huff huff huffing in his memory, just like after punching Nol? It doesnât match up with Nolâs memory - asking what he did wrong insisting he didnât do anything. Weâve already established memories can be falsified - so whose is? What is it that is so traumatic about this experience that Kousuke couldnât clearly recall it? Thereâs a whole post to be said about that memory and why we should be wary of its accuracy based on the coloring but thatâs not for me to write (someone else on reddit has said they are working on it and I look forward to it!) but the point is: Kousuke is probably the one coping with falsified memories, with a false reality.Â
But heâs also not quite wrong, I think. Like I said, this is where Nol and Kousuke overlap in similarities.Â
Itâs harder to state for certainty regarding Nol, since itâs just conjecture at this point, but I think itâs safe to say that Nolâs inherent belief that he is a monster, that he is a villain, is part of a falsified reality, and I think his was born out of the time he spent in that mental facility. In fact, a lot of Nolâs other trauma reactions seem to be born of that time. Heâs vehemently against medicine, he doesnât like to be in hospitals, his entire reaction when he woke up thinking he was back at Hirahara Memorial alone is enough to deduce that the time Nol was there was awful and irrevocably changed him. Is that where the belief that heâs a monster was born? Was it through Kousukeâs emotional abuse and the time he spent in the mental facility that Nol came to regard himself so lowly, that he came to believe everyone is better off without him, that he can only bring danger and badness to people he cares about?Â
Weâre obviously missing a few puzzle pieces here, but I think itâs a safe guess. Did something happen to his mom as a result of her pregnancy or his birth, or is it more than something happened to her and he feels like it wouldnât have if heâd never been born? It feels like something happened and he was made to internalize it. Not all âmental facilitiesâ are good, and not all have the good of the kids in mind. And worse, with Yuiâs connections to the hospital, itâs likely that what was âmeant to beâ help was the complete opposite. I feel like thatâs why Nol has internalized it so deeply; itâs something that was pressed upon him at a vulnerable time and it completely changed the way he views himself and how he thinks heâs reflected to the world.Â
Kousuke clings to his falsified reality for comfort, Nol hides in his because he has nowhere else to go. Kousuke is afraid of reality and the truth, Nol is incapable of even seeing it! And even here, where they are so alike, they still react differently. When faced with dissonance between his reality and actual reality, Kousuke externalizes it, starts spiraling and grows angry. (Or, we could say.... he becomes.... unstable?) Nol, though, internalizes his and delves deeper into that dark.Â
Now, Iâm not saying thereâs no case for Nol having ever attacked Kousuke. But I also wonder if we arenât supposed to think deeper on this. Nol looks like heâs violent based on this altercation with Kousuke and what we saw with Sangchul, and how hard it is for him to bite back his anger. But we also know Kousuke to be an unstable person - he struggles with reconciling truth with what he believes and when he gets overwhelmed and stressed, he becomes irascible and paranoid - and some of that paranoia seems to leak the truth heâs fighting. But thatâs not what this post is about lol.Â
The point is, both Nol and Kousuke are struggling to reconcile what they believe and what is really true. So much of Kousukeâs peace seems to hinge on what he believes - itâs so easy to tip the scale and lead him into a spiral as he fights off the truth. Control is what makes him feel powerful - not in just the lording over people way, but over his own mental state. He needs everything to adhere to what he believes, lest he have to face something he isnât ready for, something that will change everything he believes. He needs to believe that what he knows to be true, because who is he, what is he, if it isnât? What of the years he spent grinding and trying his best to meet someoneâs approval if it was all in vain?Â
But Nol struggles with his falsified reality because he believes himself to be dangerous and undeserving. Who is he, to think he deserves friendship, to think he deserves kindness? Who is he to think he deserves comfort. For what he believes heâs done, he must suffer and any form of peace is undeserved - even dying. But we see that he is starting to struggle with that - he has formed friends he thinks he doesnât deserve and they care about him. He is allowing himself moments of relying on others, of accepting their comfort. How does he reconcile his internalized beliefs with what he is finding himself wanting?
If we are to take their drunken states to be indicative of some truths they cannot face - like Kousukeâs paranoia that people are talking about him, that they are saying horrible (but true) things about him as a reflection of how he sees himself and what he believes of himself, then Nol fighting with Alyssa and stating that he doesnât even want to be there, that thereâs somewhere else heâd rather be is indicative of the truth he is denying, seeing in a group of strangers the people heâs yearning for. Just because he doesnât believe he deserves it doesnât mean he doesnât want it. As much as Nol believes heâs a monster meant to be vilified, he still craves the comfort that comes from his friends. He still wants to be around people who DO love him, around people who see the good in him.Â
They both struggle to reconcile this with reality. Kousuke canât face who he really is, that he spent his whole life trying to earn affection that should have been given. He left no room in his life for anything he enjoyed because there was one desire that trumped it all, one reward that would justify the means. Who is he if what he believes isnât true. What has he lived for, if he will never obtain his strongest desire? How do you live with yourself, when you realize that? So he runs from it, he takes shelter in something that makes sense, that makes him feel better, that grants him the control he needs. And Nol runs from his truth, because what he believes - that he is a monster - is something he canât let go of, lest he bring more harm to people he cares about. He has to evade it, lest the truth catch him - that maybe he isnât the monster he believes, that maybe he does deserve the love he craves. How can he continue to evade it, though, unless he continues to believe in his truth?Â
I really look forward to seeing what Nol and Kousuke make of these scenarios, of whether or not they ever choose to accept/embrace reality (or if it has to be pushed on them). In a sense, they both reside in these falsified realities for a sense of control and security. Maybe Nol knows deep down that he canât control what happens to the people he loves, so he just hopes by distancing himself he can control that much. They both face very difficult choices and have a lot of demons to confront, and I want to see theyâll ever find where they overlap again or if they will choose forked paths.Â
It all boils down to this: Nol and Kousuke are both prisoner of their own minds, in some way. Neither of them can move forward until they tackle that, but itâs such an intrinsically woven part of them, how are they to shed that? Thatâs what Iâm dying to see.Â
#I Love Yoo#ILY Brainrot#Kousuke Hirahara#Nol#Nolan Oliver T. Lochain#I feel like I need a tag specifically for ILY parallels LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#i also feel like i should add images to this but i'm also fighting the desire to take a nap SO. ALAS. another wall of text#maybe i'll update it later when i'm more up to it lmao#anyway this is just something sitting on my mind because talking to poisonheart got me to reframe some of the parallels between Nol and Kou#i'm such a sucker for foils lmao you just never go wrong with em do you?#and i love the way that for as different as Nol and Kou's experiences are there's a lot of ways they overlap#it's just what they make of that overlap that sets them apart i think#well let me rephrase that#i think what really sets Nol and Kou apart is how their respective childhoods foiled each other#but i'm fascinated by the ways they overlap and how they go about it differently#what motivates them and stuff like that#yknow. the usual LMAO#at the end of the day Nol and Kousuke both seem to have some demons to grapple with#and those demons absolutely are a prison to them that prevents them from moving forward
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#OKAY BUT WAT IF LIKE#JUDY AND V ARE LIVING TOGETHER#AND THATS WHEN JOHNNY GETS JEALOUS RIGHT#LIKE HE SEES THE INTIMACY AND YOU KNOW ITS BEEN FOREVER IN CYBER PRISON#AND HES LIKE STARTING TO GET POSSESSSIVE OF HER TIME AND ENERGY#WHAT IS MY MIND COMING TO#text post#shit post#vent#ship
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Hey, howâs it going?
#whatâs up?#tell me some shit#if you want#or donât. itâs fine. keep on doing your thing#this is as proactive as I get when it comes to trying to talk to people#do I want to talk to people?#I donât know#but I do know that I wouldnât mind a person or two venting at me for a bit#LIFE IS A FUCK. THIS WORLD IS A PRISON. WEâRE ALL WEâVE GOT.#unless youâve got like money or prospects then ignore that last tag#okay anyway#I love you be safe#but in a cool bro love way not a weird hippie spiritual way#youâre my bro. or pal. something gender neutral yet mildly affectionate#âŚ. bye!#text
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I feel like . saying this on the poll about tumblr icon vs discord icon would get me unwanted attention from anyone looking through the reblogs, even tho I have anon off, so
Tumblr icon: terrorist & cop soulmates who keep reincarnating and hate-loving and trying to kill each other, in which the terrorist blew up the cop's girlfriend with a bomb
vs
Discord icon: JPN warlord from the 1500's who's allergic to emotional vulnerability, whose love language is being annoying as hell, and is like sooo good at torturing people <3
(Quote from another character to him: stop withholding information, and stop gambling over enemy spies!) I think the terrorist would win . because he has bombs and War Criminal 9000 does not <3 I think they'd semi-sarcastically flirt with each other though
But it makes me wish I still had the discord icon of my horrible little unkillable prison warden/clown (who shares the name with another... clown... and I can't really search for content of him easily...) At one point a character is like, "How many graves do I need to dig for you??? :/" 2 bodies and personalities (that clash <3) but 1 name, so they use each other's names in conversation with each other to be annoying/confusing. The entire cast of characters hate his ass. He's a creep that stalks the heroine, and frequently tries to lock her in a cell <3
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These are far from the only times characters try to kill him . nor the only times he's a complete creep <3
(Also all of this is official art!)
#erin talks#text#long post#do I have any fav characters that aren't Like That? No <3 if they're not Like That I'm bored#there's other traits that are like endemic to my type in characters but I think the ones that pop up most frequently are:#violent & multiple occasions of crimes against humanity; unhealthy obsession that's truly extreme; being annoying as a love language#I've liked the clown since 2011 but it never occurred to me that I should explain why there's 2 of them#until like 2018 when one of my friends was like '... Hey why is there 2 of them'#uh. bc one needs to mind the prison and the other needs to mind the circus? don't worry about it <3#also re: that 2nd image: 3rd story album lost (2002) reference AND gentle persuasion.png
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just realized i can post whatever i want on here including source stuff . smiles at the camera like a sitcom
#text#oh i am going to be OBNOXIOUS#i will start drawing insane things . trust me#once i'm home from the hospital that is#sigh.... another great mind sent to the medical prison
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âIt was worth a woundâit was worth many woundsââ
- Sherlock Holmes, the Adventure of the Three Garridebs
Full text and individual pages under cut:
In an instant he had whisked out a revolver from his breast and had fired two shots. I felt a sudden hot sear as if a red-hot iron had been pressed to my thigh. There was a crash as Holmesâs pistol came down on the manâs head. I had a vision of him sprawling upon the floor with blood running down his face while Holmes rummaged him for weapons. Then my friendâs wiry arms were round me, and he was leading me to a chair.
âYouâre not hurt, Watson? For Godâs sake, say that you are not hurt!â
It was worth a woundâit was worth many woundsâto know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.
âItâs nothing, Holmes. Itâs a mere scratch.â
He had ripped up my trousers with his pocket-knife.
âYou are right,â he cried with an immense sigh of relief. âIt is quite superficial.â His face set like flint as he glared at our prisoner, who was sitting up with a dazed face. âBy the Lord, it is as well for you. If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive. Now, sir, what have you to say for yourself?â
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#Watsonâs like I should get shot more often#itâs a love confession#Iâm fine Iâm normal#sherlock holmes#john watson#acd holmes#acd canon#my art
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PRISON REHABILITATION RANT! (CONTROVERSIAL)
please read (with an open mind)
TW for the following:
⢠Prison
⢠Mental ill health/Mental illness/Mental disorders
⢠Personality disorders
⢠Depression
⢠Torture
⢠Self-harm
⢠Suicide attempts/Suicide
I really appreciate anyone taking the time to read this. I understand and accept the controversial nature of this post and the negativity or pushback I may (will likely) receive. But I really feel like this is an important conversation to have for those who will participate. Plus an important speech for those who will read it.
I will also have research backing points I highlight.
In the following video, a comedian briefly discusses her experiences working in a prison teaching basic life skills, alcohol and drug rehabilitation etc. Itâs relevant to the topic but also adds humour to a dark subject so regardless of if you read the rest of this post or not it is a good watch.
youtube
ANYWAYâŚ
Points relating to the video below:
We need more people like Tacarra Williams. We need her objectivity, her humanity, her non-judgemental approach. She recognises how to stay safe and assesses the situation for what it is, which is a dangerous one, I will not deny that for a second, she is at risk in that environment. But she does not treat inmates like they are less than.
Notice how she complimented an inmate's personally made shoes (funding for these things is a whole other conversation to be had) - she takes note of the little touches the inmate has added to maintain individuality, which is incredibly important in the system. Said inmate who initially had not been open to her arrival saw her recognition for him as an individual, as a human, and then became civil, dare I say friendly toward her.
Something else she briefly mentions is 'the hole' - this is a prison term used for solitary confinement. This is basically complete isolation, with the only âinteractionâ being a food tray put through a slot. Alone in their cells, those in solitary confinement are subjected to 24/7 distressing noises and yells of other people in their isolation cells. Inmates are left in a cell for 23 hours a day and let out for 1 hour a day - if they're lucky, because prisons are understaffed and this cannot always happen due to maintaining safety of the prison staff and inmates. Solitary confinement is a procedure that is still used today and that is literally recognised as torture. It has been highlighted in Law and Order SVU, where Detective Stabler spends 24 hours in a cell and you watch his mental state significantly deteriorate. By the time his 24 hours are up he thinks heâs been in there for weeks.
Prison rehabilitation:
Hereâs the thing; prison rehabilitation is so important, and recognition of inmates as human beings is paramount. If you dehumanise people and donât give them the necessary skills for survival and progression, how do you expect to see any reform? How we are treated affects who we become. We know this. If we treat inmates like shit and donât give them any tools for progression, they will not progress. Period.
If we can provide people with life skills, we can give them something to work towards, and we can watch them begin to thrive. As things are, theyâre barely surviving. Inmates figure they have nothing to lose because we donât give them any even small opportunities to succeed. Every now and then, we see carefully picked, trusted inmates' participation in programs that train service dogs. This absolutely highlights reform and the ability for inmates to change/grow. This particular program is beneficial both for the inmates and the public - the inmates have a goal (to train the dog), they have a friend (an animal does not have a judgement towards them), and those in the public (who require one) have the benefit of a trained service dog.
Mental health of inmates:
A majority of people who are in prison often come from difficult backgrounds and struggle with their mental health. (Pilgrim, 2001; Pagano et al., 2004; Bandelow et al., 2005).
Did you know that the most common mental disorder among prison populations was personality disorder(s)? (Fazel and Danesh, 2002). If people with personality disorders are treated with such a negative stigma in the general population, imagine the stigma faced in the prison environment. People on the outside are denied treatment for personality disorders; there is even an argument among some mental health professionals that personality disorders are untreatable, which is false.
Further studies also suggest a significant overlap between the legal system and mental health issues (Cramer, 2016) including depression and self-harm. Did you know between 2004 and 2009 there were an estimated 24,000 incidents of self-harm per YEAR? (Hawton et al., 2014)
Government assessment of mental health in prisons:
In 2017, a House of Commons committee looked at the evidence surrounding mental health in the prison system and found a lot of problems; their criticisms included: lack of assessment and screening, poor environment, lack of staff, lack of training for prison staff, problems with transferring prisoners with mental health issues to more appropriate care settings.
The BBC News highlighted these issues in visiting Wandsworth prison, where prison officers themselves describe the need to address mental health in prisoners. One officer recounts 8 instances of suicide attempts, and a successful attempt in 1994. He says that he can still remember the scene of the successful attempt.
Do the prisoners or prison staff get the support they need, or even the time of day to be seen to struggle? No. Theyâre left to suffer - why? Because it would cost the government money to rehabilitate prisoners and provide proper support to prison staff. Frankly, everyone in that system, on both sides, are left to dust.
Is any of this fair? Well, that's a moral question that's personal and down to opinion. The answer will obviously vary according to multiple factors, a case by case basis and personal life experiences. Whatever your answer, I hope these points at least give you something to think about.
Whether you completely disagree, judge me, give me backlash or even read all of or some of this post and then scroll past ignoring it completely, I really don't care. Because at the end of the day, someone needs to fight for inmates and prison officers, and it takes a particular type of person to do it. You may have the mindset of 'they choose that job', 'they put themselves in that situation' or 'why would they do that job/work with such terrible people?'. The answer to this can vary person to person: be it money, interest, belief in making positive change, wanting to make a difference, or simply because someone has to do it.
It's rare to see someone fight for the rights of people living and working in the prison system. This post and view will likely sour opinions of me, I accept that. But whether you like it or not and whether you agree or not, I'll be one of those people.
Thanks for reading.
#I posted this on Facebook a week ago and figured itâs a controversial rant so it obviously belongs on tumblr too#personal#rant#prison rehabilitation#prison reform#rehab#reform#statistics#psychology#mental health#controversial#important#trigger warnings#read with caution#read with an open mind#okay to reblog#mine#text post#2023#Youtube
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damnation (peek VII?)
Warning: Yes, this is a yandere thing. Gender-neutral reader.
Characters: Sebek Zigvolt, Silver, Lilia Vanrouge, Malleus Draconia.
Summary: When you commit a crime, you receive a punishment. This is especially true in your society. No matter the crime, your punishment is the same: banishment. But to where you will be sent in exile and how miserable will it be? No one knows, because no one has ever returned.
Note:Â This is for y'all that supported me throughout the latest situation. NEVER EVER let it be said that I don't cherish my readers. Remember, this is NOT the full damnation Diasomnia chapter, just a fourth of it. A peek. Keep that in mind. Things are subject to change or rewrite. May not be completed in time for the milestone, but I wanted to give y'all this anyways. I sincerely hope you enjoy this slice.
I . . . II . . . III . . . IV . . . V . . . VI . . . VII
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THE MASTER OF ALL EVIL
A mask. There was a mask of cold black metal settled on the upper half of your face. It was cold, smooth against your cheeks. This was new. It wasnât some sort of blindfold, as you could see perfectly and last you heard, they never blinded their prisoners. Concealing an evil-doerâs vision during their banishment was considered a small mercy, something they wouldnât do, and the judges wanted each sinner to see the fate that awaited them.Â
A supposedly horrid fate, but what sort of cruel end required you to wear a plate of armor and a warm cloak? Over your chest, your hand traced the curves and swirls on a metallic chest plate, reaching the black fabric over your shoulders and extending down your back. Removing the mask over your face and turning it in your hands to examine it, the empty eye holes of a feathered fiend stared back at you. The accessory resembled a bird, dark feathers carefully forged into the mask as the end curved into a sharpened beak. It was slightly unsettling, somewhat resembling the type of mask a plague doctor would don during the middle ages in times of peril.Â
On the ground, just past the mask you were staring down at, were shreds of paper which caught your attention. It looked as if something or someone had torn a sheet to shreds and disregarded them in the middle of this dark and dreary hallway. Upon kneeling down to pick up a few pieces, your eyebrows furrowed as you attempted to piece them back together like a puzzle.Â
Piece after piece, you managed to somewhat make out the painted image despite the face of a crowned figure being burnt black beyond recognition, but the rest of the image could somewhat be salvaged at least enough to draw a conclusion. A taller faceless crowned figure in garbs, beside a queen, holding a bundled baby in their arms that had been torn straight through. Below, on the aged paper was written text reading: Announcing the birth of the princess. A holiday is to be proclaimed throughout the entire kingdom in honor of the princess.Â
Why did this all seem so awfully familiar?Â
Slowly standing, you jumped upon hearing the rumbling start of thunder. Outside, past the window, dark storm clouds gathered in a hurry above a dense forest and towering wall of thorns. Thorns! Thorns so tall that even from afar, they looked as big as a house!Â
âOh⌠my god.â You whisper in slight horror.Â
The royal family and birth of a princess, a deep dark forest, a deadly wall of thornsââ these were all part of a story. These were points of a fictional story, and yet you were here. Here, somewhere, in a corridor where the walls were dark stone bricks and a long carpet ran along the floor. How did you play into this? The bird-like mask still in your hands and staring back at you, appeared to answer that. The only bird in the story was a black-feathered one, which served as the villainâs little pet.
This couldnât be real, could it? Why was this your punishment, of all things? How did the story go again?Â
A king and queen had a child, a princess, whose birth was celebrated throughout the entire kingdom. A glittering assemblage of folk from all walks of life, foreign and local, rich and poor, from royalty, nobility, gentry, and even the rabble, were invited to pay homage and revel in the festivities. However, the procession was disrupted by the arrival of an uninvited guest, the Mistress of All Evil, a malevolent fairy, which brought a curse upon the infant princess. A curse which promised death upon the princess. The princess goes into hiding with three good fairies for years, until the curse can pass, but eventually the malevolent fairy does capture both the princess and her betrothed prince. The princess falls into a death-like sleep, and the prince escapes to rescue her. In the process, the antagonistâs avian companion is turned to stone while the malevolent fairy turns into a dragon to face off against the hero in a grand battle, only to be defeated by a holy sword through the heart!Â
It caused you to freeze, gulping as you imagined such an end. Stone⌠You were to be turned to stone! Would that mean instant death, or were to become a prisoner forced to be still and silent until the very end of time or at least until your stone body crumbled to dust?Â
A pair of wooden doors flew open, the sudden sound as it slammed against the wall caused you to scream. That, and the appearance of an odd stranger in armor, was enough to make you believe that your end was now and sooner than expected.Â
âYOU!â His booming voice nearly ruptured your eardrums as he pointed an accusatory finger. Directing a rather sharp nail, almost as equally sharp as his two front canine teeth which you caught sight of but sharper was the sword sheathed at his hip.
âMe???â You looked at the intimidating stranger, baffled and uneasy.Â
The man clad in armor was certainly not a shining knight of goodness or a pure princess blessed by fairies. It became apparent by his pointed nails, sharp teeth, and unnaturally thin pupils that he wasnât human. What sort of human had slicked back natural mint green hair?Â
âYes, you!! Do not be so dense, human! Who else do you see in this hall?â He stomped up to you, frowning deeply, almost snarling. As he got closer, you realized he was very tall and built like a soldier. At his hip, opposite to his blade, was a mask of dark metal, resembling yours. However, his mask was crafted to resemble a crocodile. âDo not think yourself superior for even a second! You are only valued for the intel you can provide, nothing more, nothing less. Here you are, milling about uselessly while the rest of us search tirelessly for the girl! I shouldnât have expected anything less from a mortal!âÂ
Squinting a bit at him, it took a solid second for all those words he spoke to be processed in your mind. Another round of thunder rumbled outside, sounding closer than before. âBut⌠I am stupid?â You smiled a bit awkwardly, watching how the strangerâs face fell with each following word. âSorry, who are you? I think you have theâââ He has the wrong person. Before you could complete that thought, thunder seemed to shake the very walls as its booming clap reverberated throughout the air.Â
It was loud, loud enough to startle both yourself and the uncouth bright-eyed one.Â
âHave you no decency? You cannot even recall your colleagueâs name! Itâs Sebek! Sebek! We spoke months ago before departing for the most recent search!â He replied, frustrated that you didnât remember his name, despite not even meeting before. Was he mistaking you for someone? Itâs as if you had been thrust into some sort of role, maybe thatâs why he didnât take you for an intruder.Â
âOkay, okay, Sebek. Got it. You donât need to say it a third time. Please, spare my poor ears.â Raising an eyebrow, you nearly flinched every time he spoke. Itâs like he had a megaphone built into his voice box, because he talked in what sounded like shouts. âAlso, why are you yelling? I can hear you perfectly fine, you donât have to be so loud.âÂ
âWhy am IâŚ?â The weirdo, apparently called Sebek, parroted in disbelief as he ran a hand through his mint green hair. His fingers gripping his head, fingers tangled through his own locks. âWhy are you still here?! General Vanrouge has requested I look for you because you were absent for an assembly called by the Master! Deliberately missing special councils called by him is deplorable on every level!â Reaching forward, he suddenly caught your arm in an iron grip as he practically dragged you through a maze of corridors until they approached the source of a commotion.Â
Better to allow this Sebek character to escort you than refusing and risking him having an aneurysm, you figured. Something in your gut told you to go with it, and donât immediately bring up the fact that you werenât who they thought you were, especially now that you had arrived in a room chock full of armed soldiers dressed in a manner similar to Sebek.Â
However, all these people had two striking features, slitted pupils and pointed ears. Pointed ears. Definitely not human. Yes, you were stupid, but not stupid enough to expose yourself when you were outnumbered a hundred-to-one.Â
âWhatâs all thisââ?â
Before you could completely round the corner, you nearly fell back into Sebek as a cloaked figure appeared out of the shadows. They hung from the ceiling, their face in front of yours. A terrifying individual, with thin locks of pitch black and blood red, and a face of a terrifying gnarling beast. âBoo!âÂ
Wide-eyed, you stared at the figure as you leaned back into Sebekâs arms who didnât seem as surprised as you. Was this a companion of his? The matching cloak, the similar armor, and⌠that face of the hanging stranger was metal. A mask. A mask that looked like some horrifying monstrous bat.
Placing a hand on your heart, you closed your eyes and fell back dramatically, playing the part. Your legs went limp, the only thing preventing your form from hitting the cold hard floor was the pair of strong arms holding you up from behind.Â
A snicker was the only applause for your small performance, as Sebek jostled you from your act. For some particular reason, Sebek was impatient as he forced you to your feet, but he didnât dare raise his voice at this surprisingly short figure that somehow floated down from the ceiling like a feather drifting to the ground.Â
âThis is an entirely serious matter! Liliaââ General, please.â Sebek pleaded, keeping you stuck in place by gripping your shoulders to keep you facing the General. What did Sebek call him earlier? Vanrouge? This was him?Â
This Vanrouge character was on the petite side, he hardly looked like a general with his undersized stature and thin limbs. Yet his armor fit him just fine, and on his belt was a great big cleaver that sparkled like jade. Definitely not about to cross him when he had that on his person.Â
Cleaver aside, it was really difficult to fear him when he removed his terrifying mask. While yes, his features were far less human than Sebekâs, he was somewhat adorable. When he laughed, you noticed small sharpened fangs while his big crimson red eyes and slitted pupils shined with mirth. Even one of his pale pointed ears appeared to twitch. âI know, I know, but canât I enjoy one moment of laughter before everything goes to rack and ruin?âÂ
There was no need to even ask what exactly he meant by that, because again, there was that thundering rumble that shook the very palace walls. It sounded even closer this time, like it was in just the next room over!Â
Vanrouge, or rather, Lilia, appeared a bit anxious, jittery as he brushed off his nerves with a quieter laugh. His own hands had gripped your shoulders as Sebek took a step back. âSee, this is why you are one of my favorite humans! Mortals are so easygoing and you get my humor.âÂ
âThank you? And youâre my favoriteâŚâ You paused. What even was he? What were they? In some renditions, there were fairies, but sometimes the creature that was the malevolent fairy and her goons were left a mystery. In one story the malevolent fairy had an army of creatures with animalistic features. Is that what they were supposed to be? It would explain the masks. What if you were wrong? âYouâre my favorite little guy.âÂ
Sebek looked down at you incredulously as if you had insulted his own mother, and you realized far too late that you had quite literally called a General a little guy. However, instead of bringing his cleaver down upon you and splitting you in half or destroying you with some type of wild fantastical twinkly fairy magic, this General only giggled. He giggled, which made you grin like a fool. You had done something right, apparently!Â
Deciding against saying the first thought that came to mind, Sebek instead blurted out, âThis is the only human you actually talk to! They are the only one among us fae!âÂ
So thatâs what they were. Fae. âDetails, details. It still counts.â Lilia dismissed, leading you closer to the very end of the hall where it opened up to a space with more soldiers like him and Sebek. Faes. In a huge spacious room, gathered, listing reports on the results of their scouting missions. Missions likely with the goal of finding the princess. Once there, he placed an arm around your shoulder. Here, his voice was quieter to avoid being heard by the masses. âCome, we know the Master will be in need of some good news right about now, whether you can deliver it or fetch it. It will quell his⌠irritability. And it may take a human to catch a human. We cannot fully comprehend how your minds work, but perhaps you can understand a fellow mortalâs and finally make this search a success. Go now, courier.âÂ
Lilia had pushed you out in the open just as the last of the soldiers were wrapping up their report of failed searches. Your dark garbs and metal crow mask had allowed you to blend right in, but it felt like you were a rabbit in a den of ravenous wolves. No one stared at you, because they were far too transfixed on a towering figure not too far from where the General had pushed you.Â
As soon as the figure entered your line of vision, you too became just as transfixed as everyone else. Master. This was their master, which could only be the malevolent fairy, fae, in this case. It should have never been possible for someone to have both the facets of a devil but the magnificence of an angel, but he did. Horns as black as night curved atop his head and inky black scales bordered the bases, making it look like a crown while shadows appeared to blend into his robes like fabric weaved of pure darkness devoid of any light. The only light that escaped him came from his eyes, like the common slitted pupils in this crowd yet his eyes glowed an enchanting green like no other.Â
It was like a moth to a flame, destined to burn, but you found yourself drawing near behind his dark throne anyways.Â
âItâs inconceivable!â He hissed, loud enough so that the entirety of the gathered could hear his voice echo in the space around them. The thunder outside seemed to crack with his every word. The fae, his loyal denizens, shirked back instinctively yet they continued to awe at the malevolent one. âTwenty years, and not a trace of the princess. How is it that this one human, a mortal, has miraculously escaped the vigilant watchful eyes of every one of my most diligent knights and soldiers who have searched all but endlessly, high and low, for two decades? Hm?âÂ
You kept glued to the wall, the uneven bricks against your back as you attempted to make yourself as small as possible. What were you supposed to do? What could a mortal do against him, the same fae that has the ability to transform into a dragon of immeasurable strength? This fae was the one who would eventually drag you down with him.Â
âHumans are numerous, and they are a tricky sort, Your Majesty.â Lilia appeared at the forefront of the throng. Despite the obvious vexation of the horned-one, he continued merrily with an encouraging smile, despite the apprehension of his armored colleagues. âWe canât exactly venture into towns too long without the risk of being discovered or the presence of that pesky iron weakening us. But we make do, and during nights weâve checked every strip of land from the moorsâ borders, to the villages and towns, even the highest mountains. Havenât we, boys?âÂ
A murmur of agreement washed over the crowd. For twenty years they had tirelessly searched, and they had no princess to show for their efforts. It wasnât that the princess disappeared into thin air, this much you could remember. There was a reason they couldnât find the princess as she dwelled in a cottage deep within the woods with her caretakers, the three good fairies, acting as poor mortal women. What was that reason againâŚ?Â
One hand shot up from the crowd, a voice louder than the rest, the familiar voice of Sebek. âYes, Master Malleus we did! And we will gladly continue our search, comb through every region once more, and check every cradle again all for you to extract your revenge upon the despicable humans and their wicked king!âÂ
âCradlesâŚ?â The dark fae, apparently named Malleus, directed his widening eyes towards them. His grip tightened on his long twisted wooden staff. You were given the answer as to why they never found the princess within the first years. The faes had forgotten that mortals aged, so the princess they were looking for was no longer a baby in a cradle.Â
âOh no.â Sensing the impending danger, you took cover behind the throne. From behind the throne you peeked out, using the royal seat as a shield. When the towering faeâs green-eyed gaze landed on you by a glance, you stilled like a frozen statue. The hair on the back of your neck raised as your gaze met his. Seeing his eyes become temporarily focused on you, feeling his unholy presence, sensing the incoming disaster he would wroughtââ everything about this man, if he even was a man, made alarm bells ring on your head.Â
Suddenly, a smile graced his features. It was the sort that masked his frustration simmering beneath the surface. He was close, close enough to reach a hand forward slowly so his fingertips grazed the underside of your chin. Lips curled upward into a menacing grin, but it wasnât the crazed sort. He was scarily calm as he peered down at you. âDid you hear that, my courier?âÂ
There were over a hundred pairs of eyes on you at the moment. Watching intently as you leaned back a bit, a chill traveling up your spine as his sharp black nails traced your flesh. Youâre sure you were beaming like a simpleton, whether out of instinct or out of some sort of response to your current nerves. Certainly this was how the sailors felt in times of old when confronted by enchanting sirens that lured them to certain doom in watery graves. What were the donâts regarding fairies and faes of myths? Donât give your name, donât lie, and donât enter the obvious fae traps designed to ensnare curious humans. This mustâve been some sort of fae trap, it had to when he had a face like that.Â
Was Malleus addressing you directly because you were the only human in the room? âYes⌠Loud and clear.â One corner of your mouth twitched into an awkward smile in return, but you found yourself unable to remove your eyes from his. A brief and quiet chuckle left your lips, âItâs⌠kinda funny.âÂ
âIsnât it?â When he removed his fingers from your chin, you nearly tumbled forward, but you managed to successfully catch yourself before you could crash into him. The fae turned around, beginning to chuckle in his deep voice, a sound which echoed in the tense silence of the packed throne room. âFor all these years I have been waiting, and they have been looking for a baby.âÂ
The General, Lilia, was perhaps the first to realize something was amiss when the Master of All Evil began to laugh. Vanrouge seemed like the type to enjoy a laugh, but this wasnât just a moment to crow about their recent failings. A moment of clarity dawned on him while his colleagues unsurely joined in on the commotion. Your gaze met his and you frantically shook your head as Sebek rapidly clasped his hands over his mouth in shock and regret upon realizing their mistake and his blunder. You tried to signal them to flee while you yourself retreated further back behind the throne for cover.Â
It was just in the nick of time too, as the air began to fizzle with static electricity, growing with every passing second as his laugh became less humorous and more diabolical. There was the same lightning from before but instead of being outside, it sounded as if it was inside these very walls. Crashing and striking every second, one, two, three, four, five, shaking the castle. You felt your eardrums vibrate as you continued to brace yourself behind the throne until it stopped. This was your first true taste of utter terror and helplessness.Â
Here you were for a reason, to die, either by stone or before, whether it be by the clubs of the fae soldiers, at the sharp end of a holy sword, or between the maws of the Master of All Evil. It felt like an eternity, but it was likely under a minute, when the destruction ended. Trembling slightly, you peeked out to survey the damage.Â
It was a harsh reminder of your current plight. There were no bodies laying motionless, as everyone either had the means to defend themselves or Malleus simply wasnât aiming for any of them in his burst of anger. The throne room had been largely evacuated thanks to General Lilia and Sebek. Only shields and the occasional weapon were left behind in the hurry to avoid being struck by his wrath, dark spots were ingrained where the lightning struck the ground, a few stones tumbled loose from any walls that were hit as collateral damage.Â
If you somehow survived this, it would be no less than a miracle.
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