#the middle is shart

[sn0rl0]

SORRY FOR PARTY ROCKIN!!!!

[lazylittledragon]

expanding the baldur's skate cinematic universe again

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

Memory vs Reference

[moghedien]

It’s so funny because I knew Shadowhearts hair was gonna change colors after she turned away from Shar, but I assumed it was like for some divine magic reason maybe when she like accepted Selune or something. Or maybe it was originally lighter and she was going back to how she was before Shar had a hold over her.

But no, and while, ok girl I can respect your need for some physical change after leaving your cult and all but she really just looked at the only two Selunites she knew, saw they had lighter hair, and then just bleached her hair in the middle of the night in the middle after talking to them in a nice tone once. Girl I love you but please the fact that you were raised in a cult is showing so hard

[pozerrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Shart wip. crits are greatly appreciated, i’m not sure how i wanna render it yet

[tiresiasbuttlicker72]

guys is ao3 down or is the servers just running dookiefart or is my wifi just ass

[bardic-inspo]

Doin some writing this morning.

Naomi and Astarion waking up Shadowheart like "Mom, we threw up again."

[sharkrillettes]

i’m into khr now

[rollypoliesonarock]

My parents are discussing having another kid, and one name they are discussing is Asher

Asher was my second choice in naming myself

I kinda want to walk in and tell them this just to see their reaction

[a03heralding]

Bg3 blunt rotation headcanons:

Karlach: does not stop fucking laughing. She’s def wheezing at a joke she overheard in a lesbian bar three and a half years ago while in the middle of a sentence. The type who starts a story and ends up laughing so hard she can’t finish it.

Halsin: mellow as hell, is always encouraging the group to go for a nice walk somewhere while stoned to shit. Will he pass out or will he be caressing the flowers in his backyard? No one knows.

Shadowheart: Sis is asleep after a joint or a few hits from the bong. Is likely sleeping on Lae’zel’s shoulder with a blanket around her. We love her for that tho bc she looks so cute.

Jaheira: she is forreal trying to tell you that we’re all living in someone’s sims save or how aliens made the pyramids. Also always pulls up to the session at the most random times.

Lae’zel: when she does smoke she usually ends up tripping the fuck out and is staring at the wall like a dog that’s accidentally eaten an edible. Doesn’t partake anymore but will come and chill and act as Shart’s personal resting post.

Astarion: the one who is chatting the most shit, probably has the joint in a cigarette holder like curella de’vil. The main source of Karlach’s laughter. Is also constantly asking for Nicki Minaj songs to be added to the Spotify queue.

Wyll: straight up vibes, is probably hogging the snacks to himself tho but he’s busting jokes and laughing with Karlach about stupid shit

Gale: the person in charge of the playlist and the only one who can actually roll. He is very particular about the music bc he believes it sets the mood for the high. Is constantly denying Astarion’s request to play Chun li but puts on random shit like khazakstani jazz

Minthara: enabling Astarion’s shit talking and spilling the piping hot tea. The least faded out of all of them (except lae). Has a screenshot folder that she shows astarion so they can be shady.

Aylin: she’s productive when she’s stoned, is likely cooking something or has gone for a jog/ doing a task while wearing her socks/ Birkenstock combo

Isobel: the mom friend who is making sure everyone is drinking water and is getting fresh air while fried.

Withers: the za dealer. You have to go to his house and he only sells a min of 6gs at a time. Usually chilling and trying to hide his weed plants from the cops bc his neighbours are snitches ngl

Minsc and boo (sry I be forgetting): Brings his hamster to the function bc he doesn't want him to be lonely and believes that his best bud deserves a toke as well. Boo is a literal fucking menace and bites those who object to giving him any. There is literally always an argument bc of this but Minsc is ready to fight for his child.

[phattiepheeder]

Hey, love your posts, your descriptiveness is incredible! I just wanted to ask if you'd every thought about being stuffed while on the toilet. You could stay there for days, fully stuffed so that every inch of your stomach and intestines were packed full, letting all your gas and waste go without a care. How do you feel about that scenario?

Oh I have been. When I was with my ex, he loved how gainer shakes were affecting my body—the rapid weight gain, the clothes busting at the seams, the groaning, gurgling belly. I’m lactose intolerant and he’d purposely mix the gainer powder with heavy cream so that he could watch my asshole painfully and desperately explode afterwards.

After those gainer shakes, my belly would get so runny that I wasn’t able to really be far from a toilet. I had had one too many sloppy farts sputter out greasy brown filth and ruin my panties to feel safe going out. Gainer shake days became those of thick groaning belly aches and desperate runs to the porcelain. Often times I’d get to the toilet with an underwear full and an aching tummy that would the empty more and more, squirt after squirt, shart after explosive shart.

And, on those days I tried to eat less hoping I’d have less to empty. It was just no fun. So we decided I’d be fed while on the toilet. It was so convenient. I’d be more comfortable stuffing myself. And I’d be able to mindlessly eat without worrying about overflowing my panties with too much digested food.

I’d part my cheeks as wide as they could so my hole wasn’t shrouded by my fat cellulite ridden cheeks and then get fed until I was full. A few times I’d be in the middle of emptying myself when it was my next scheduled feeding time. Even though I told him I wouldn’t be able to clench long enough to get a full stuffing, that my desperate asshole couldn’t fight the pressure of such an upset stomach and I couldn’t stop shitting, he said it didn’t matter. My ex was pretty strict with that so he stuffed me regardless.

It felt so good. I love getting g filled and doing it while relieving an aching gut of my last stuffing was even better. The toilet really got overused those days lol

[2-dsimp]

What if Yujin found out his darling was a singer and did a cover song of 'Unhealthy Obsession' with some random guy?

Yandere Hacker: “Oooh lookey what we have here~ Awe my bae is so obsessed with me hehe! Couldn’t resist this charm and made a muse outta of me—Wait a damn minute”

[The Lynx hybrid now registering another voice in tandem with yours. His furry ears twitching as he blinked at the other singer. Taking the song into context and putting two and two together. Before He flexed his fingers, guzzling down his horrid mix of hot sauce chocolate. Looking like he was about to ruin somebody’s career.]

Kitten Darling: “Wow I didn’t expect this to blow up so fast… Um dude sorry in advance”

[Kitten Darling who saw an anonymous video posted by Havkdeeznuts exposing the poor music collaborator by sharing embarrassing photos/footage in 4K of them sharting themselves in middle school]

Collaborator: “huh? What do you mean by that? Isn’t the video blowing up a good thing?”

Kitten Darling: [Sighing and patting his shoulder] “You might wanna lay low for awhile champ. Just take a break from the internet and uh go on a camping trip”

[sanasanakun]

If you’re romancing Shadowheart as Dark Urge, our girl is straight up insane for bringing them to that lake in her big romance scene. Like not even three nights ago they were thrashing around on the ground desperate to tear her limb from limb and she’s taking them to a body of water. Alone. And she can’t swim. Like yeah love conquers all you can defeat the darkness in you blah blah blah but a LAKE? ALONE? Swimming skill level 0???? Like I get that I’ve never had a down bad situationship with a serial killer before, but we need some self-preservation here, Ms. Shart. Why not try a picnic first? In the middle of camp? Just keep the others like within a reasonable distance lmao anything to avoid the potential for spontaneous drowning😭

[strawberriianime]

Hear me out… or use this as inspo anything I love ur writing xx

Stoner!Choso x femreader tw: weed, oral sex m receiving, cum slurping and dirty talking?

Reader and Choso are smoking and she’s getting hottttt watching him roll the blunt and lick the paper and his painted nailssss oooofffffff. Super sexual tension and flirty remarks until she ends up sucking choso’s HOT cock dry and occasionally he’s pulling her hair up to blow smoke in her mouth and calling her sweet names (bc at the end of the day Cho’ is sub LMFAO)

♡ ahhhhhh so crayz you mentioned stoner Choso bc I had that idea before but never wrote ittt. I love this like Choso's already so sexy and watching him roll a blunt is like a dream of mine.

♡ cw: 18+ content, use of weed and descriptions of weed, high oral sex, stoner choso and stoner reader, oral sex (m receiving), dirty talk, deepthroating, swallowing, oral sexxxxxx!

It wasn't unusual for Choso to come and chill at your place, you two would split a zip, buy a pizza, listen to music, and catch up on each other's life. However, this time something was....different. Maybe it was the neon pink LED lights illuminating the living room or the sweet strawberry candle you had lit earlier.

It was him. This time he had come over wearing a baggy pair of grey sweatpants with a hoodie which he discarded earlier leaving him in a black tee highlighting his toned abs. You always thought he was attractive, but something is making him hit differently now. Your eyes followed his as he broke down the weed his freshly manicured black nails reflecting under the pink light. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out a pack of raw papers, got two out of the pack, and lined it onto the rolling tray. Taking the broken-down weed, he sprinkled it into the papers, folding it slightly, and brought it up to his pale pink lips. His lips swiped along his bottom lip, licking a slow long stripe along the paper. "I wish you'd lick me like you lick those papers" you spoke pulling him out of his concentration. He chuckled, going back to rolling the blunt licking slowly at the paper once more. It was as if he was teasing you, any other time he rolled he'd be done in mere seconds so why is he going so slow this time? "Or I could lick you....? You wouldn't last one minute if I did" Teasing Choso was fun, he wouldn't say much but you know deep down he was burning up inside. You heard a lighter flick as you turned and watched him hit the blunt, a thin cloud of smoke leaving his area as he reached out to pass the blunt to you. Grabbing it, you brushed your hand swiftly over his own before bringing the blunt to your own lips and inhaling slowly. "Mmh, I bet you're really skilled with your hands." You passed the blunt back to him. "They're really soft, and I bet they feel really good." His ears were flush red, you knew you were getting to him if that wasn't a sign the twitching in his sweatpants definitely was. "Seem's like you have a little problem, mind If I help you with it hmm?" Your hands grazed over the bulge in his pants, feeling his dick twitch from the light touch.

Your black nails found their way to the top of his sweatpants, pulling at the material as Choso was quick to shimmy down his pants allowing his stiffened dick to make contact with the cool air of the living room. His tip was red, beaded with precum that began running down his shaft stopping just at the middle. Taking your right hand, you grabbed his shart, thumb rolling circles on the tip spreading the precum along feeling him twitch in your warm hands. You moved in closer, salivating your mouth to the fullest before dropping a glob of spit onto his tip using it as a lubricant to stroke his dick up and down. You started off with teasing slow kitten licks, tongue circling only the tip sucking on it slowly as you moved your right hand up and down. You felt a slight tug on your hair, lips creating a thin trail of saliva as your own were met with Choso's. He brought the blunt to his lips, inhaling slowly before bringing his lips to your own. You felt the smoke filling your mouth before he pulled back, leaning back onto the chair, pushing lowering your head back to his dick.

Without hesitation, you lowered your hand as your warm mouth sank down onto his dick, causing him to twitch once more. He let out a low groan as you began to move your head up and down his shaft, making sure whatever area your mouth couldn't reach, your hand made up for. Slightly tightening your jaws, you moaned softly as you bobbed up and down, tasting just about every inch. You began tracing every vein that throbbed, begging to be caressed by your warm tongue, your hand moving to cuff his balls using the saliva that trailed as lubricant once again. "A-aah fuck, you're so good at this pretty." you heard him groan, causing you to moan on his dick, feeling the throbbing between your own legs and panties getting soaked by the second. You felt a slight tug on your hair once more pulling off his dick once again, lips glistening under the pink lights. "You look beautiful like this." He took another hit of the blunt and brought your lips to his, smoke filling your mouth once more. His eyes were low, watching you with complete adoration and lust as he placed a small kiss on your temple.

Dropping down once more, you flexed your right hand, now adding your left hand to the mix, and you swallowed his dick, sucking on it as if it was a watermelon blow pop. Your head bobbed as your wrist worked in areas you could reach. "Baby, you're gonna suck me dry." Choso moaned, throwing his head back on the sofa, one fist tightly gripping at your hair, the other taking another hit of the blunt. You removed one of your hands as you shoved his dick deeper down your throat, the sending hand following shortly as well once you were comfortable. "Shit. I've never been this deep before. You're doing so good beautiful.... you feel amazing. You suck me up so well." You could tell he was close based on the babbling he always does when he's about to cum. "I-Im about to cum. Baby, can I cum down your throat." You bobbed your head faster, sucking slightly harder as you felt that familiar twitch once more before your mouth was flooded with bittersweet, sticky webs of cum. He let out a loud moan, balls emptying shooting his warm load into your mouth. You eagerly swallowed up what you could but, this has to be a record of how much cum he was able to produce. Your tongue was quick to lick up whatever was left over that you weren't able to suck down cleaning him up with your delicate tongue. You felt a set of strong hands bring you up to his toned chest as his chest heaved catching his breath from such a powerful orgasm. "I gotta pay you back."

[lotus-n-l0ve]

Random but like imagine you having a sweet dream of your favorite food so you took a bite, and in reality you actually bit your s/o 😭 may I request headcanons with Samuel, Gun, and Jake?

I know it's been sooo looooong. I'm so sorry for that but I just couldn't think of anything. Here is the fic. Hope you like it 💕

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐈𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩

— Samuel, Gun, Jake x Reader

☯ SYNOPSIS : When you bite them in your sleep thinking they are food.

☯ WARNINGS : cursing, Samuel is a babygirl, reader got slapped, Gun's part is short as fuck, pet names, Jake is the epitome of green flag.

☯ NOTE FROM LOTUS : Hey guys, this one was in my ask for so long but I could not think anything. If you like the fics please leave a like comment and reblong. Follow me for more like this.

𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 || 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐌 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔𝐄𝐋 𝐒𝐄𝐎

If you bite his cheeks, even in sleep, get ready for punishment because he is a babygirl and we all know that. Samuel takes special care of his beauty. He spends millions on his skin care and even if it's you, he ain't letting anyone fuck with his skin.

So, that's what happened. One moment you were dreaming about your favourite food and the next moment you are thrown out of the bed with a stinging cheek.

You stare at Samuel, who was breathing heavily while caressing his right cheek, feeling confused as fuck. Then it hit you, your burning cheet like someone had hit you.

"Sammy, What the hell!" You exclaimed loudly as you stared at your boyfriend with betrayal written all over your face, "Why did you slap me?"

"Why did you bite me?" He snapped back, rubbing his skin.

"I was dreaming about my favourite food. How would I know it's your crusty, dusty cheeks."

Samuel gasped, dramatically long, before glaring at you, "You take that back —"

Thus began a bekering that lasted till morning. Samuel and you went to your respective work sleep deprived.

𝐆𝐔𝐍 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊

Gun stirred from sleep when he felt something nibbling his cheeks. He blinked his eyes open and adjusted to the darkness, he saw you, who was wrapped in his arm, nibbling his cheek.

He frowned in confusion. What the fuck! He was sure he fed you more than enough and you didn't have any flesh eating kink, did you?

Gun slapped your face slightly, "Oi dumbass, The fuck are you doing?"

Instead of waking up you mumbled some nonchalant nonsense and went back to sleep. Gun decided that it was not worth giving up his precious sleep so, he too went back to sleep. He would deal with you in the morning.

𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐌

It was middle of the night when Jake's slumber broke when he felt a sharp pain in his fingers. His eyes snapped open, looking for danger. He sighed in relief when he saw everything was clear. Then what was the reason, he woke up?

Just then another shart pain came. Jake followed the source and saw you biting his fingers.

Jake shook your shoulder gently, "Bub? Wake up, baby."

You moaned in your sleep, not wanting to wake up but Jake was persistent and you had to wake up at last.

"Jake? What happened?" You mumbled in your sleep as you turned to lie on your back.

"Did you have your dinner tonight, bub?"

Jake gave you a pointing look when you stayed silent. You definitely skipped dinner. When he came back home you were already dead asleep so he assumed that you already had dinner.

"What is this baby? I told you that you should always have your meals at right time."

Your heart sank at the disappointing look on his face.

You quickly sat up on the bed, "Jake, I'm so sorry. I just wasn't hungry at that time."

"Well, are you hungry now?"

You nodded your head sheepishly. Jake chuckled at you and picked you up in his arms. You quickly wrapped your legs around his waist to support yourself.

He asked, walking to the kitchen, "Then let's go and get my baby fed. You want some ramen? Or tteokbokki?"

© 𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐔𝐒-𝐍-𝐋𝟎𝐕𝐄 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑, 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 — all content rights belongs to LOTUS-N-L0VE. do not plagiarize any works and do not repost or translate onto any other sites.

All the rights and credits of the characters, gifs, songs and pictures used here belongs to their rightful owners.

[downforthegas]

So...I ate some dried fruits in the afternoon, and at night I was really gassy. Like I mean loud, bubbly gas that just didn't stop. I only held in my farts for a minute and my belly already began bloating up from the gas, and soon enough it began to hurt and make loud upset gurgles. In fact, soon enough the gas just came out uncontrollably. One of the times I had to fart, I pushed. Yeah, so when I pushed the fart came out wet. Yeah...I sharted my panties in the middle of the night while trying to let out the painful gas in my lower belly. That was when I decided to sit on the toilet. I farted once and then a huge string of loud gas rumbled out of me, with a little bit of shit. It was amazing.

Oh my god, these all sound lovely, especially the TOILET SHARTS AHHHH!!!! Toilet farts/sharts are my favorite, they're so underrated. I would love to have a night like this. I want to eat dried fruit to get this effect, but I don't like the texture of dried fruit, like raisins. If there's anything else that gives this kind of effect, I'd love to know it. But still these are so good. I bet it smelled great afterwards. And the fact that the gas came out uncontrollably? And you were bloated within a MINUTE of holding it in? And the fact that one of the farts was a shart? I'm screaming like a kettle on a stove over here!!!