#the last time i touched one was in the 7th grade | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lesservillain · 9 months ago

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inmate!eddie munson x teacher!reader

cw: drinking, explicit fantasies

September 16th,1994

The idea to you was asinine from the moment Principal Williams brought you into her office to explain the program details to you. How no one else thought that the idea of thirteen-year-olds becoming “pen pals” with prisoners wasn’t insane baffled you. It was dangerous at worst and inappropriate at best, but, despite your best efforts to reason with her, your opinion as a “newer” teacher was dismissed.

Now here you are listening to the speech of the prison rep, Mr. Bridges, as he explained the program to your 7th grade class. Not like you had a lesson planned for them today.

Mr. Bridges stands a whole 5 feet and 6 inches with a short stack military fade and the most unsettling sunny disposition. He reads as incredibly fake, like a snake oil salesman, and his shiny, white, slightly too big for his mouth veneers not doing him any favors. It doesn’t surprise you that your newly divorced principal was able to be persuaded by this guy's charms, but thankfully you’re used to his kind of tactics from your own previous relationship.

Before leaving, Mr.Bridges approaches you at your desk. “I’m sorry to bother you,” he starts, leaning too far into your space. One of his thick fingers points at a paper he had given you before he started his speech, “but is a student absent today? We have an unassigned inmate—”

“We had a student move,” you say shortly, keeping your voice monotone and not bothering to glance at his paper, “so I’m short one student in this class.”

Bridges nodded, clearly deep in thought. His brows furrowed for a moment before perking up.

“Maybe you’d like to take on a pen pal?’” He proposes, his chipper disposition coxing on the migraine that wants to break through behind your eye.

The look on your face must have said it all as he tried to convince you further. “The inmates that signed up are all trying to better themselves before being re-released into society, ya’know?” His eye’s shift, landing on the floor with a solemn look. “We thought talking to kids that grew up while they were incarcerated would help them get in touch with the times, be able to cope with time they’ve lost. Give them something to look forward to when they get out.”

The pads of your fingers dig into your temples, eyes rolling to the back of your head before finally giving him the eye contact he so desperately craved from you.

“Fine, I’ll take whoever you have left, I guess. What’s his name?”

“Perfect!” Bridges hands clap together next to your ear, “The leftover inmate wants to go by The Banished One and he—”

“Banished what?” You ask, confused.

“Oh, The Banished One! It’s his nickname for the project. We have all the inmates disguise their names just in case the kids may be related to one of them.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, resting your head in your hand, “Okay, fine, sure I guess that makes sense.”

Bridges continued to assure you that all the letters are anonymous and would be vetted both ways, adding that only ‘good behavior’ inmates were allowed to take part in the program as a last push for your participation, you reluctantly agreed. Mostly just to get him to leave your classroom before your head explodes, but not without the stipulation that if you thought it was too much for your kids that you would pull them out. That seemed to be enough to satisfy him.

October 7th, 1994

The first writing session took place on a Friday, the soft sound of music from your mixtape playing for the kids to help them relax. It had been a long week of testing and you felt like an easy day was in order for both you and the kids, most of your other classes would just be doing free work.

You grabbed the stack of letters from your desk, Pictures of You by The Cure filling the air as you hand each student their respective letter.

“Don’t forget to keep personal information like names and where you live out of your letters. Once you’re done, bring them to my desk.”

Once the kids were settled, you returned to your desk and grabbed your own letter. The envelope before you had “Teach” written across the front, the pen name you chose to go by. The handwriting was like chicken scratch. Not much different from the 13 year old boys whose papers you grade, though, so you were confident in your ability to decipher the rest of the letter. But still had a roughness, an edge to it.

As you opened your letter, unfolding the paper to it’s full state, the first thing to catch your attention was the graffiti like drawings along the margins of the paper. It reminded you of a flash sheet at the tattoo shop your friends took you to for your 21st birthday, a permanent reminder of that day on your inner ankle in the form of a small butterfly that was already starting to fade. There was nothing too offensive; a rose, a sailor ship, a dove with an olive branch, all impressively done for just being pen on paper.

Once you got past the artwork, you began to take in the letter's contents. The single page was filled from front to back, barely any room for the signature at the bottom.

“Hey there, “Teach”... if that is your real name…” the letter starts. The lame opener makes you crack a small smile that you quickly cover with your hand. You read on, taking in each sentence, and you start to get the idea that your pen pal doesn’t take this pen pal assignment too seriously.

The letter is casual, a few puns here and there, with some Tolkien references that would have been missed if one wasn’t familiar with his work. It’s clear that this person is young, or at least young at heart, which saddens you to think about, but you try not to dwell on it.

Getting into the meat of the letter, your pal explains that went to prison in 1989 for drug related charges, but is set to get out in about a year if he keeps up his good behavior.

“I’m ready to get out of this place and get back to my hometown in Hawkins.”

A shiver goes down your spine for a moment when you read that he’s from Hawkins. Bridges assured you that the inmates wouldn’t know what school the kids would be from, but you weren’t expecting to be talking to someone from this small town. You wonder if Bridges knows more than he’s letting on with his comment about the kids being related to the inmates.

Once the creepy feeling dissipates you continue to read on. The details your pal gives about himself tell you that he’s very different from the people you usually hang out with. His favorite genre of music is metal and he used to play guitar and do vocals for a band every week before he started working as a mechanic full time. They’d have a crowd of 20 or so some nights, but it was usually just the regulars at the place they would play at.

The final paragraph of the letter consists of a seemingly scripted warning about the dangers of drugs and that no one should make the same mistake he did. You wondered if this was obligatory for the project. At the bottom of the page your pal signs with his chosen moniker “The Banished One.” When thinking about it, you find that it’s very fitting for an inmate.

After taking a moment to check in on your class, Morrissey’s somber voice serenading them as “I Know It’s Over” plays from the small radio’s speakers, you pull out your own pen and paper to start your response.

As you ponder on where to start, a thought that crosses your mind; does your pen pal even know they’re talking to an adult? The pen name you chose might be on the nose but you didn’t want to assume. Granted, your handwriting itself may be a dead giveaway if you were to compare it to a teens.

It took you a couple of tries to start your letter. Instinctively, you wanted to be formal, but the longer you thought about it the more you didn’t want to come off as a boring writing companion. You tried and failed to come up with something witty to match the vibe of your pal, but comedy wasn’t your strong point, though you’d argue that it wasn’t his either. Instead, you approached it as if you were writing to a friend.

“Hello! Nice to meet you “Banished One." Though, it sounds like you won't be banished much longer.”

Erring on the side of caution you chose to only respond directly to things he wrote, slipping in that you also enjoyed the works of Tolkien with your own reference. You mention that you listen to metal from time to time, more into radio rock at the moment, but you’d really listen to anything.

It took you a minute to calculate how to respond to the reveal of his dealings in drugs, ultimately deciding to lightly say that you hoped he learned his lesson unless he saw himself returning to prison in the future. You shared that you were familiar with Hawkins, noting that you loved the milkshakes from the old diner in town, but left it at that. As you closed the letter you complimented his artwork, informing him that the rose was your favorite and that you looked forward to seeing his artwork on future letters.

You’d manage to write enough to cover the majority of the back of your lined paper, signing your pen name a few lines away from the bottom. Going over your letter again, you can't help feeling like it’s a bit dull. Safe, but that’s what it's supposed to be.

October 24th,1994

It only took two weeks for Mr. Bridges to return with new letters for your class. Truthfully, you had almost forgotten about the letters entirely while trying to keep your students on track as the holiday season approaches. The emotional whiplash of seeing your ex out with his new, younger girlfriend while you were out looking for Halloween decor for your apartment wasn't helping either. It felt like no matter what you did, how much your friends tried to help, you just couldn’t catch a break. At least the manager of the local liquor store was nice to you.

When your students seemed too preoccupied with the stack of letters on your desk to pay attention to your lecture, you decided to call it a day and give all of you a break. You click on your small stereo and let the tune of Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah take over the room while you pass out letters.

Once the letters were distributed, you settled at your desk where your eyes met with the same chicken scratch handwriting as before. It was tempting to reach for it… until you glanced at the pile of ungraded papers that sat next to it, taunting you. You desperately needed to go over them, the deadline to turn in grades fast approaching.

You deliberated on what to do. You had to admit you were curious about the letter. Part of you wondered if you’d even get one back. You didn’t want to give any personal information away, so you couldn’t blame the random man in prison for not responding if he thought he was talking to an old lady teacher.

But the stack of papers is practically glaring at you.

A thought; you could always finish your papers later at home. But you did tell yourself you would be better at bringing so much work home with you this year…Your friends had an influence on that decision, making sure you took at least every other weekend to go out and do something — anything to keep you from shutting yourself in again.

With a sigh, you tuck the letter into your work bag, grabbing your pen to start grading.

“Damn it, why can’t I find one stupid pen!”

Slamming drawers and stomping around, the red liquid of your cup sloshing around in your glass as you grew more and more frustrated in your search for a pen to write out the checks for the coming month’s bills.

After searching the kitchen, you make your way to the living room and spot your school bag on the coffee table. In your rage, you slam the glass on the table and begin haphazardly pulling the contents out of the bag, praying you still had a pen that hadn’t been “borrowed” to never be returned by one of your students.

The feeling of plastic on the tips of your finger almost brought you to tears of joy. Pulling out a purple ink pen you decided that it would have to be good enough if your landlord wanted your rent on time.

After finishing with the checks, you return to your bag to put the envelopes inside to drop off tomorrow at the post office. As you lift the bag, your eyes meet with chicken scratch again away. A burst of buzzed excitement runs through you at the sight, even if for just a moment before you shook it off. It was just an envelope from some random man sitting in a jail cell, why are you getting so excited? Is it because you’re at home and not feeling the pressure to be uptight and rigid?

Or maybe it’s because you can’t remember the last time you received a letter that wasn’t a bill. It sort of gave you a feeling of nostalgia, taking you back to a time when you wrote letters to your mom when you were at camp, or when you would write to your grandparents around the holidays. It even reminded you a bit of writing in your diary, if your diary could write back that is. It’s not like he would have room to judge you from his jail cell, right?

You snatch the letter from the bag and walk back into the kitchen, grabbing the dark bottle of wine to refill your glass and plopping down at the table. Ripping open the envelope, you pull out the letter and immediately notice that it is covered in artwork just as the last one was.

This time you notice a 20-sided dice with a banner that read “critical hit”, a very detailed dragon head, and a stylized version of the skeleton guy that you’ve seen on the cover of Iron Maiden albums. The biggest piece was of another rose, but in the fully bloomed center was an eye. It was…interesting. Well done, but not what you were expecting. Not that you were expecting anything anyway.

Getting the artwork out of the way, you take a large sip of your drink and begin reading.

“Hello again, Teach,” the letter starts, “I think we need to discuss the elephant in the room before I can write anything else.” Your brow quirks up, a slight nervousness begins to creep in your mind.

“I was already suspicious when I was told the person I was writing to wanted to go by Teach. And no seventh grader I’ve ever known can write as nicely as you. Not that I know a lot of seventh graders...Anyway, can I ask how I ended up being pen pals with the class teacher? I know I could ask Bridges, but I think it would be more fun to hear it from you.”

Your lips tug into a smile, but this time you don’t feel the need to cover it. Why did it feel like a game he won or a riddle he solved? It wasn’t exactly like you were hiding it. But something about him figuring out something about you was…exciting.

As you get into the meat of the letter itself he goes on to ask you what subject you teach and how long you have been teaching. He asks if you like working with kids and if they ever made you want to pull your hair out. The phrasing of his words make you giggle.

“I was never good in school,” he states. “It took me three tries of my senior year to graduate. I used to blame my teachers saying that they didn’t like the way I dressed or my taste in music. I guess now I have to admit that it was probably because I didn’t bother to show up to class or do any of my homework…”

A full laugh shook you in your chair. Was he actually funnier in this letter? And why did it come off feeling so personal? The air about it was different, like you were talking to a long-distance friend rather than a felon, your cheeks starting to ache from smiling as you continue read his sketchy handwriting.

He went on to ask more about you, like what your favorite band was since you “liked rock so much more than metal,” with a little frowny face to punctuate his disagreement. He says the prison lets them watch MTV sometimes, which has been his main exposure to new music. Sometimes he gets a hold of new music every once and a while, but usually just listens to his old cassettes on his Walkman that his uncle gave him when he first entered the system.

“Some people have tried to steal it from me, but they learned pretty quickly that I have my ways to get things back, and that I'm not one to be messed with.”

That left you curious. A small glimpse into the inner workings of prison. You never really thought about what a person in prison could or couldn’t have. It was nice that he could have at least a small luxury, an item of value if it was under constant threat of being taken. You also couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by not being messed with.

Before you know it you’ve hit the end of the letter. You can’t help but feel a little disappointed. It felt like there could have been so much more to say, but his pen name barely fit at the bottom of the paper as it is. You take a piece of paper out of your notebook, pulling the frayed pieces off the edge and replacing the one in front of you with it. Hopefully your pal won't mind the purple pen or the probable lack of coherence compared to your first letter as you feel the wine really start to kick in.

Referring back to the paper like a student answering a question in class, you make sure to answer all of his questions to the best of your ability.

“Hello again, Mr. Banished. I see you have uncovered my secret that I am, in fact, a grown woman and not a 13-year-old. I hope that doesn’t bother you. I have been teaching English since I graduated college, coincidentally in 1989. It's like we traded places; I got to leave the prison of being a student in college and you went to prison for whatever drug related charges you acquired.” You laughed at your own joke as you continued.

“As for why you are stuck with writing a late 20’s school teacher rather than one of my students, that would be because of the aforementioned Mr.Bridges. We had a student move a few weeks into the school year and Bridges practically got on his knees and begged me to take on a pen pal.” You left out the detail of not being totally comfortable with the program. Not that you weren’t still hesitant, but the last thing you wanted to do was offend him by insinuating anything about the type of person he was for being in jail. The wine had rationalized with you that sometimes good people do bad things when they’re in dark places.

Continuing on, you wrote that he was probably right in both his opinions on why his teachers failed him. The older teachers at your school were stuck in their ways and judged students before really trying to help them. You did your best not to be the same way, hoping to be a teacher that your students could trust and come to if they needed help. It was a passion of yours since you were small, wanting to help people learn and grow, so what better way to do that than to teach?

“I am interested in what you wore that would call for such harsh judgment. I try to be as unbiased as I can with all my kids. If you asked them, they would say that I’m stuffy or rigid most of the time, but it’s mostly because I care about their education. And partly because being a new teacher is…really freaking tough if I’m being honest. These older teachers don’t take half of the things I say seriously because their own kids are older than me. It’s kind of bullshit, actually, but I just deal with it until I can get more experience under my belt.”

A sigh slips through your lips, pen tapping against the kitchen table as you feel the frustration bubbling. It’s not fair to dump these feelings on him, but the anonymity made it so easy to just put everything out there. He doesn’t know anything about you, and if you were to weird him out by getting a little real, then he could just not write back, right?

After taking a moment to collect yourself, you decided to just move on to a different topic.

“Sorry, that was a lot of feelings on my part. Is it too personal to ask what you do in prison? You mentioned getting to listen to music, but what else do you do? I’ve seen in movies that inmates work out a lot and play basketball outside. Is that real or made up for the audience? If it is real, does that mean you are super buff from working out all the time? Do you beat people up if they try and take your Walkman, or do you stab them? I’ve seen people do that in movies, too. I hope you don’t stab them, that would be scary.”

You can feel yourself getting a bit rambley in your tired state, so you decide it’s time to call it a night. You wrap up the letter by telling him that you’re going to go to sleep and that you were looking forward to his next letter. You sign your name and draw a small doodle of a flower next to it.

November 18th,1994

It was 3 am when you woke up the first time. A nightmare had you shooting up from your pillow, cold sweat drenched the collar of your sleep shirt, chest heaving as you caught your breath.

He had been knocking at your door, your pen pal. You never saw his face, but heard the anger in his voice as he yelled for you to let him in. You remember sitting in front of the door begging for him to leave you alone, telling him it was too soon. That you weren’t ready.

The nightmare became reoccurring, waking you at least 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes it’s your ex, but most of the time it’s your pen pal. Even though you have no inkling of what he looks like, you just know it’s him on the other side.

The disturbance in your sleep was starting to affect your daily life, one of your coworkers asking if you were okay after over pouring a cup of coffee in the teacher’s lounge.

“Are you okay?” Mr.Clarke asks, helping you mop up the spilled coffee with some paper towels.

“Yes, I’m sorry, yeah,” you say, trying and failing to reassure him.

“Hey, I know that midterms can be rough with the holidays coming up. But, try not to stress out about it too much. I’ve heard good things about you from the kids in my classes that have you this year. You’re doing a good job, so don't kill yourself, okay?”

It was damn near impossible not to burst into tears at your coworkers words, but you held it together until you could hide in the faculty restroom.

The dreams didn’t stop though. Even Mr.Bridges felt the need to comment.

“Holidays stressing you out?” he asked with an energy that seemed inhuman to you, his sunny disposition could make the snow outside melt.

“No.” You stated shortly as you looked through your lesson plan for the day.

“Well, that’s good to hear,” he said with a nod, “This is the most wonderful time of the year after all. We try to stay busy at the prison, keep the morale high and what not.”

He placed the stack of letters on your desk, along with a small box that read “Greeting Cards” with a wintery scene displayed on the front.

“These are for the students to give to the inmates.” You look at him with “no shit” written on your face. He cleared his throat, “But, uh, I’m sure you could figure that out. I know this time of year can be hectic for everyone, but we all deserve some holiday cheer, right?” Your expression remains unchanged as he continues on.

“Right, well, I’ll be giving the inmates their own cards to send to the kids with their letters. It might be a bit difficult for me to come back before Christmas, family affairs to attend to and all that. So, I went ahead and wrote the address and stamped the envelopes for the cards. If I don’t come back by, oh, let's say the 15th? Just go ahead and stick those in the mail and I’ll make sure the inmates get them!”

Before you could protest having to go out of your way to do his job, Mr.Bridges quickly made his exit as the warning bell rang, wishing you a happy holiday as he disappeared.

With the lack of free class time as you all crammed for test week, you decided to let the kids take their letters and cards home for the weekend to work on. As you passed them out, keeping the addressed envelopes in the box, you told the kids to write something nice in their cards.

“This may be the only card some of these men get, so think about that when you’re writing them this weekend.”

Getting to the last letter, you feel your stomach twist as you read your actual government first name in the familiar chicken scratch handwriting instead of your pen name. You hadn’t even realized that you had stopped dead in your tracks until the sound of the bell brought you back to your body.

“U-uh, ge--get your letters done by the end of class Tuesday!” You yell over your class as they begin migrating out of the room.

Quickly, you return to your desk and rip open the letter. Unsurprisingly, it’s once again covered in artwork. The pumpkins and bats and other Halloween inspired art felt out of place, putting in perspective how long it had been since your last letter. But before you could look much further into the writing your next class began to file in, forcing you to set the letter aside for later.

You’d felt nauseous the rest of your morning classes, You wracked your brain about how the hell your pen pal could have figured out your actual name. You may have been...a little tipsy when you wrote that letter a month ago, but you’re sure you didn’t say anything personal enough that he would know who you were. Could he have asked someone on the outside to look into you? No, Mr.Bridges assured you that the inmates don’t know what school they are writing to. Maybe Bridges said your name to someone at the jail and the inmate overheard?

As soon as the bell rang for your lunch period, you practically rushed your students out the door and closed it. Throwing yourself into your chair, you grab the letter and begin reading.

“Well, well, I wasn’t expecting to be getting more lore in your newest letter! You have a very cute name by the way…Sorry I hope that wasn’t weird. Anyway! I guess I can tell you my name, too. Call me Eddie.”

Eddie.

So you had included your own name in your letter somewhere. You sigh with relief, though it still makes you a little uncomfortable that this stranger knows something personal about you. Sure he’s been nice, but he was still a felon. Though knowing his name made you feel a little better. Made him feel a tad more human to not use silly nicknames.

“Can I start by saying I loved reading your last letter?” Your eyebrows raised in surprise.“The purple pen was a nice touch. Something about a teacher complaining about other teachers is really funny to me, too. Nice to know the torment of some teachers isn’t just limited to students! And I doubt your kids think you’re stiff or whatever. You seem pretty cool to me. Even if I’ve only gotten to talk to you through a couple letters, you talk to me a lot nicer than I probably deserve.”

The smile that had made its home on your lips from his sentiments dropped into a frown. You felt yourself wanting to get defensive, wanting to tell him that he shouldn’t think that way about himself. That even if he was a felon, he still deserves respect.

“Being a younger teacher must be hard. You did all the college stuff to be a teacher so that should be enough to get their respect in my opinion. I don’t think I had a teacher who wasn’t at least in their 50s so they probably can’t see anyone under 30 as anything other than a kid I guess.”

“Hit the nail on the head,” you say to yourself with an airy chuckle.

As you keep reading, he changes the subject to something you don’t remember asking in your previous letter.

“So you wanna know what I look like, huh? Well back before I was in here I would wear my band shirts, Metallica and Judas Priest and all the bands that make the old ladies cringe. My jeans had holes in them, too. And I have this battle vest that I’ve put together with some patches of my favorite bands on it. My uncle Wayne says he’s keeping it safe for me at home. It’s not much, but I learned how to stitch patches on by myself, so it means something to me. Gives me something to look forward to when I get out.”

Your mind paints an image of a gangely teen trying to look cool to impress his friends or scare off the old ladies at the mall. Sounds like the kind of guy you had crushes on in high school. There may have been a picture or 2 of Kirk Hammit or Vince Neil or Eddie Van Halen tapped to the inside of your locker door in high school, but you’d never admit that now.

“I also had long hair when I was younger. Can’t call yourself a metal head without having long hair ya know. But I’ve had to cut it since I’ve been in here. I’ve got pretty curly hair and it was getting hard to keep up with it. It’s short enough to keep out of my face most of the time. I’m actually due for a haircut, so thanks for reminding me! Hair cuts are free in prison so I get it done way more than I ever did on the outside. You gotta tip your barber though or else they might “accidentally” shave all your hair off next time. Learned that one the hard way.”

He goes on to answer some of your questions about the inner workings of the jail. They do get to work out a lot, but says he’s not a “big meat head” like some of the other inmates. He doesn’t like basketball for “personal reasons” so he prefers to run laps. “When you’re trying to get out of a big fight it’s better to be faster than stronger.”

“I am also proud to admit that I have never stabbed someone. Almost been stabbed myself, but I used to get my shit rocked in high school so I’ve learned to dodge over the years.” Your hand comes to your face, almost forgetting that you asked such a stupid question. Of course he hasn’t stabbed anyone. You could excuse it if it was out of self defense maybe. But then you recall him saying before that he doesn’t get “messed with”, so what is he doing that people aren’t bothering him if not stabbing them? Your head spins with possibilities as you think about it more.

As you are about to read on, you are interrupted by a knock on your door, the sound causing you to jump in your seat. Quickly closing the letter and shoving it into your bag, you rush to the door to find a student from your 3rd period class, a shy one at that, needing clarification on the newest assignment. You let her in, forgetting the letter for the rest of the period.

The rest of the period then turns into the rest of the day. It goes by like a blur as everyone seems to be getting last minute things turned in for the week. Grades for the upcoming report cards would be due by the end of next Tuesday, so you told your classes to get any missing work in by today and you would give them partial credit. It was setting yourself up for a busy weekend, but anything to keep your mind off the upcoming holiday was welcomed.

It would be your first Thanksgiving single in almost 10 years, and your 4th since your mom passed. Your soon to be ex-husband, Henry, had convinced you to move to his hometown of Hawkins after your mother died to be closer to his family and to help his dad’s business as his accountant. It wasn’t your first choice of places to live, and after looking back on the situation, you realized that he had used your vulnerability to get a lot of what he wanted.

Things seemed fine at first. His parents bought your house and he had a good paying job. All you had to do was cling to his arm and keep quiet. You were kept well manicured, your appearance catered to his liking as he paraded you around at office parties.

The not so hushed whispers from the women in his office always talking about how lucky you were to bag an older man reached your ears. But you kept your tongue against your cheek. They could be jealous all they want, because if they knew what happened behind closed doors they wouldn’t be singing the same tune.

Waking up early in the morning, way before he ever did, just to put on your face. God forbid you weren’t presentable to him always. Afterwards you’d iron his white button ups and khaki slacks, make him a huge breakfast, present his clothes to him, and be waiting by the door on your knees for him to use your mouth before he walked out the door.

At the time, you felt like you had a purpose. That being a housewife was what you were meant to be. But the degree you had worked so hard on stared at you as you cleaned the house everyday. Your passion was just in reach, boring you every day.

That is, until fate, and the well timed retirement of your predecessor, gave you the opportunity to start teaching that year. When you got the call, you were over the moon. Henry even said he was proud of you.

Until you forgot to iron his clothes. It was just a stern talking to the first time, an anger in his eyes like you’d never seen before had you on edge the entire first day of class. You made it up to him by waking up extra early, using your mouth to start his day since you couldn’t be at the door for him anymore.

But, then you started falling behind on chores during the week as grading papers took up most of your free time when you weren’t tending to his needs. It’s not that you didn’t clean, it just wasn't the only thing you had to do every day anymore. Passive comments about becoming lazy were brushed to the side until they collectively spilled over into your first big argument. You told him he could help, too. He smacked you across the face.

Too busy juggling work and cleaning the house full time caused you to miss the signs that things were declining. It started when Henry had to start staying late for work, claiming that they had a “big project” that was going to require him to stay over longer. He made it seem like a temporary arrangement that ended up becoming a pattern for months. But, he assured you that a raise could come from his hard work. So you continued to sit at home, a cold, untouched plate sitting across from you as you finished another bottle of wine. At least he wasn’t there to put his hands on you.

Then it was the pair of panties that you didn’t recognize when you did his laundry. When you confronted him, he told you that it must be a pair you owned back in high school that was mixed in with his clothes somehow when you moved. When you pressed on, he gave you a black eye.

Then it was the perfume you didn’t recognize on your pillow case when you came home from a weekend trip to see your new nephew. He told you it smelled like your perfume, you just hadn’t been home all weekend to smell it. You didn’t argue this time.

Then it was his father’s secretary, Missy, calling your home and telling you that she was sleeping with your husband. She had been nice at last year's Christmas party when you first met her. Nineteen, dumb as a box of rocks.

“Are you and Henry still married?” she had asked with her valley girl accent, “Because when I stayed over I saw that he still had pictures of you two at his house.”

Now you’re stuck in this tiny town, your closest relative being your brother who has his own family out in Chicago. Thankfully, you had made friends with the ever charming Steve Harrington, who’s father also worked with Henry. He came as a package deal with his roommate Robin Buckley, and the two of them quickly became your best friends. They were as blindsided as you about Henry’s affair and helped you move into your new apartment. Steve offered to let you live with him and Robin, but you didn’t want to live in the same house as your ex’s coworker, even if he was never there.

“We should make a grocery list for next week.” Robin called from the kitchen to where you and Steve were sat in the living room. “Do we want to bother making a turkey or should we do something easier?”

“Do you know how to make a turkey?” you asked looking over the top of your wine glass as she taps a pen to paper scowling.

“She can barely make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, d’ya really think she can make a turkey?” You watch as a roll of paper towels is launched from the kitchen into the side of Steve’s head and your laugh erupts.

“Well, then were fucked,” you say between giggles, “because I can’t make a turkey, and I know Steve “grabs a pan without a mitt” Harrington also can’t cook one.”

“Oh, that was ONE TIME!”

Steve goes to throw the paper towel roll at you, but you dodge, “One time is enough to never let you live it down, Steven. Maybe we should get some chicken instead.”

“Oh, I can make us some potato salad!”

After some back and forth about what to make for your “Friendsgiving” as Robin had been calling it, claiming inspiration from a new episode of Friends, Steve was begging to talk about anything else.

“School seems to be better this year,” he looks at you carefully, “You haven’t been talking about it as much lately. Not negatively at least.”

“Yeah the only thing you’ve complained about is that prison thing your class was supposed to be doing.” She looked at you with a look of curiosity, “How’s that going?”

You blink and suddenly remember the letter that you had gotten earlier. It was sitting in your bag back home where you had left it on your coffee table again. You were so busy getting ready to go to Steve’s that you had forgotten to finish it.

“It’s going okay. Hey, did you guys go to high school here?”

They both look at each other, then back to you. “Yep, graduated a year after dingus, though. Class of ‘86.”

Steve gave Robin an annoyed look at the nickname before returning his attention to you, “Why do you ask?”

You pondered for a moment if it would be okay to tell them about Eddie. The program was supposed to be anonymous, but that was just to protect the kids. If he wasn’t allowed to give you his name they would have confiscated the letter, right? Bridges said the letters were vetted both ways, so if it was a problem he would have told you. But this seemed like a breach of privacy. You only had a first name to go off of and a vague description. He never said his age, so could be older than even you, or younger than Robin.

“Um, do you guys know anyone that goes by Eddie?”

They both perked up at the name, giving each other a look that you couldn’t read. You swore they could communicate telepathically.

Steve was the first to speak after a moment of silence. “Yeah, we know an Eddie. Why?” His tone was curious as he side eyed you.

“Oh, well my pen pal from the, uh, the prison thing. See his name is Eddie, and he told me that he’s from Hawkins. I don’t know much about him, but I think he may be close to my age and maybe he was in school with you guys-”

Robins laugh caught you off guard. “If it’s the same Eddie we know, then yes he was in school with us. Way longer than he was supposed to be, and we didn’t really get close until the end of my senior year.”

The look on your face prompted Steve to elaborate, “Eddie was -- is, a friend of ours that we got to know better through a mutual friend. He did go to prison a few years ago, but it was because he was scapegoated by a guy he bought weed from. We thought he was gonna go to jail for, like, the rest of his life or something. I had to convince my dad to get our lawyer that he keeps on retainer to represent him in court. The guy owed my dad a favor and he did it, Eddie only got five years.”

“There’s no way,” you said incredulously. Your jaw had to be on the floor. You knew this town was small, but was it really this small? Robin and Steve would be the type to forget to mention they had a friend in prison, too.

“What’s his last name?”

“Munson. Eddie Munson. We still talk to him on the phone every once in a while. Usually his uncle gets a hold of us, tells us that he’s going to call at a certain time so we can stay by the phone. Oh!” Steve stands up from his spot on the couch, clapping his hands, “I have my senior year book up stairs. He should be in it as long as he showed up to picture day.”

As Steve walks away, you turn to Robin, who has an amused look on her face.

“What?” You laugh, still in disbelief at the information that has been given to you. She shrugs, lips turned in a downward smile, “Nothing. So what do you and Eddie talk about?”

“What do we talk about? Not much really. We’ve only sent maybe two letters to each other. He always covers the letters in artwork though. They look like little tattoos.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely our Eddie,” She shakes her head, “His notebooks that he would carry around with him are covered in art. He told us he’s given himself some tattoos while he’s been there. We keep telling him he’s going to look like a felon when he comes out.”

“Isn’t he a felon, though?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t have to look like it!”

“Found it!” Steve yells as he comes back into the living room, blowing the dust off the book. He plops down on the couch between you and Robin and starts to look through the pages. “See, the funny thing about Eddie, he was supposed to graduate in ‘84, but he kept fucking around and ended up repeating his senior year -- three times.”

“Holy shit,” you were in absolute disbelief, “he told me that in one of his letters. He said he was because the teachers didn’t like him, too.”

“Yeah, that sounds like something he would say,” Robin chuckles.

“Ah-ha, He did show up! Here he is right here!”

Your eyes snapped to where Steve’s fingers pointed to the tiny black and white square. Eddie wasn’t kidding when he said his hair was super curly. The close up of his face makes his hair almost completely take the background out of the picture. You can barely see it but it looks like he’s wearing a Judas Priest shirt under a leather jacket and what you suspect to be the leather jacket he seems to treasure so much. When you finally let yourself focus on his face you’re met with a bright smile and dimples on either side. Dark eyes scrunched up from how high his cheeks were. You definitely would have had a crush on him if you had gone to the same school.

“Soooo…what do you think?” Robin sing-songs with an expectant look on her face.

You can feel yourself smiling and try to reign it in, “Well, he’s not a 40 year old biker looking guy with a beard so that makes me feel better. He looks nice, actually.”

“He’s a good guy,” Steve starts flipping through the pages of the book, “but everyone gave him shit because…of…this.” Stopping on another page in the book, you see a picture of a group of students leaning up against a wall, all of them wearing matching shirts.

“Hellfire Club?” You look between Steve and Robin.

“He hasn’t mentioned Hellfire Club?” Robin was baffled. “That’s like, his whole thing!”

You shake your head, brows furrowed,“What is it?”

“His D&D club? He’s seriously never brought it up?”

“No, not yet at least.” Taking the book from Steve, you get a better look at the picture. “Like I said, we've only sent a few letters back and forth. I wouldn’t say we’ve exhausted all of our topics for discussion yet.”

“You’ll never run out of things to talk about with Eddie,” Steve states sarcastically, “You’d think prison would have had an effect on his social skills, but that guy could talk for an hour about a crack he saw in the sidewalk.”

Hearing that made you wonder if he ever held back when writing to you. His letters were usually front and back all the way to the bottom of the pages. You wonder if they only allow him one page or if has to pay for the paper. Hopefully he wasn’t wasting his money to talk to you.

“When was the last time you guys talked to him?”

“Uh-“ Robin starts.

“It was still hot outside I think,” Steve interjects, “Like early September?”

“Yeah,” Robin nods, eyes wide, “September sounds about right.”

“Hmm, that’s around when we started writing to each other. I guess he wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t know about me yet.”

“If it’s been that long we’re definitely due for a call from him.” Robin looks to Steve, you miss the mischief in her eyes, nor do you see the look he gives her back. “Maybe you could talk to him next time he calls us?”

Your head snaps up, eyes wide meeting Robin’s gaze. You saw the look now and immediately started shaking your head in protest.

“No, no, Robin I don’t think that’s a good idea.” You stand up from your spot on the couch, handing the yearbook back to Steve. Taking a few steps back to look at them, you bite one of your nails, thinking about the situation you’ve gotten yourself into. “Actually, if he does call, I’d also appreciate it if you didn’t tell him you knew me either. I’m sure he’s a nice guy but…”

“Hey,” Steve stood up and placed a hand on your arm, “It’s cool. You didn’t know Eddie before, and you barely know him now. I think Robin just meant that you could get to know him more since he is our friend. He’s gonna get out of prison eventually and we promised him that we’d just continue on like how things were before.”

“But,” you look at Steve with worry in your expression, “being in prison that long can change a person.”

“Eddie is too stubborn to let anything break him of being himself. He didn’t repeat his senior year twice because he’s dumb. He did it because he was too busy with what he wanted to do to bother with his schoolwork.”

“Actually,” Robin says, “he said prison is easier because he gets three meals a day and doesn’t have to do math, so…”

“But,” Steve gets your attention again, “My point is that you don’t have to go out of your comfort zone to be his friend for our sake if you don’t want to. Just keep talking to him on your own and see how you feel.”

You swear these two really were the only good people in Hawkins.

“Yeah, okay,” you nodded,” I’ll keep writing him, but I won’t mention that I know you two. Not yet at least.”

November 27th, 1994

Ever since your talk with Robin and Steve, your nightmares have changed. Now that you have a face to the name they’re not really nightmares anymore. Instead of a nameless, faceless voice at your door, you can see him through the peephole. He’s not knocking on your door with rage, but out of desperation. Still begging to be let in, but the lock is on his side. You hold the key in your hand, you just have to slide it under the door…

A sharp, grating ring wakes you from your sleep, eyes shooting open and taking in the room around you. The sun peaks from behind your bedroom curtains, the light just bright enough to pester the hangover migraine that’s already in full effect. You have to strain to get your eyes to focus on the numbers on your alarm clock that read just past noon.

The continuous ringing of the phone finally throttles you out of bed and into your kitchen. When you pick up the phone you hear Steve on the other end.

“Oh, good, you lived,” he exclaims, “Robin, she’s still alive!”

A muffled, “oh thank god” comes from the background in the receiver. You hadn’t anticipated being so emotional the night before, thinking you were past feeling sorry for yourself that you were alone on a holiday while your bastard ex had someone keeping your side of the bed warm every night.

All the emotions came up at Steve’s during dinner. It was just the three of you there, all with broken families. They had other friends who were home for the holidays, but they were doing their own thing this weekend. Robin and Steve insisted that you join in on the festivities but you declined, using not knowing them as an excuse.

Really you just wanted some alone time. Time to yourself, to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel without having to mask in front of strangers, brush off any awkwardness if the topic of your failed marriage were to arise.

You think Robin and Steve could tell that you were in your own head. They suggested taking you out to the only dive bar in town still open on the holiday, and assuming the place would be pretty dead, you said fuck it and all piled into Steve’s car. Sharing drinks and playing pool while metal music that made you think of your pen pal. You wondered what he was doing as you stepped outside to smoke a cigarette you bummed off an older, balding guy sitting at the bar.

After drinking so much that Robin had to drive your car home for you, their phone call really didn’t come as a surprise to you.

“Yes, god, I’m alive. Don’t yell into the phone, please.” You pinch the bridge of your nose to try and relieve some of the tension. The phone call is brief, Steve just wanting to check in on you and confirm that you didn’t want to participate in their outing.

“We’re going ice skating! And if you can’t skate, our friend Max would enjoy having someone sit on the sidelines with her.”

“Sorry, Steve,” you press your forehead against the cool wood of the door frame, “I’m sure everyone is very nice, but I’m just not feeling up to it.”

After a few cups of coffee and a long shower, you settle on your couch, flipping through the channels on the tv for something to watch and settling on a Beverly Hills: 90210 rerun marathon. It didn’t take you long to lose interest and you began fidgeting for something else to keep your mind from wandering into dangerous territory.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see your work bag on the floor at the end of your couch. The memory of tripping and knocking the bag over last night comes back to you, making you internally cringe at yourself. You grab the bag and see that the contents were an unorganized mess compared to how you normally keep it. The longer you looked the crazier it made you feel, so you carefully took the papers and folders out, laying them in front of you.

When you picked up your first period folder, the familiar envelope that you had forgotten a week ago fell out, landing in your lap. You quickly pick it up and open it, remembering that you hadn't even had the chance to properly finish reading it.

Something about seeing the letter again made you feel good. As you look at the artwork, you see the picture of the shirts his club members wore and smile as you realize he made the shirts himself.

You reread the description of himself and can laugh because he must have worn the same thing every day, recalling the holes in his jeans and his battle vest from his pictures. It was hard to imagine the wild mane of hair he had being cut short. Do they get conditioner in prison? Because his hair must be a mess without it.

Finally, you get to the part of the letter you hadn’t read. You felt your heart beating in your chest, an anxiousness building that you couldn’t explain.

“I’m running low on space to write and I don’t know when I’ll hear from you again, but I just wanted to ask-“

You’re thrown off when you see two lines of the letter have been blacked out with a black marker or sharpie. There’s no way to make out what was written, and the last line is just him wishing you a “happy whatever holiday you celebrate,” his real signature greeting you at the very bottom of the page. “What the hell?” You asked the empty apartment. The first assumption that comes to mind is that Eddie must have messed up what he was going to write and decided to black it out since he wrote in pen. Or maybe he wanted to write more, but realized he was running out of space? That would go with your theory that they are limited in the paper they can get.

There’s also the possibility he said something inappropriate and whoever checks the letters made him redact it. That was probably the least likely, but it makes you laugh to think about. Robin and Steve brought him up a few times while you were drinking and gave him the highest praises. But, you never know what someone would be willing to say or do when they’ve been touch starved for almost 5 years.

Butterflies invade your stomach when you think about it more. He’s probably had to take care of himself quite a bit while he’s been locked up. Where does one even do that in prison without prying eyes?

Your thighs clench together at the image you’ve conjured in your head. Steve had shown you some pictures of Eddie that he found from not too long before he went to prison. Sure, he resembled his yearbook picture, thin and lanky he once was. But the picture of him and Steve at a lake, both of them shirtless and clearly soaking wet, displayed muscles that he had likely gained from the mechanic job Robin mentioned he had. The tattoos that he had on his body were taking over, almost covering one of his arms completely.

The image of soaked curly hairs clinging to his face as he’s leaning into a shower wall comes to the forefront of your mind. Toned arms flexing as he holds himself against the wall with one hand, stroking himself with the other. You imagined his hands were rough and calloused from playing guitar and working on cars. He was long and hard as he pumped himself, water dripping off the tip with each down stroke. God, you can only imagine his face as he cums, a loud groan falling from his lips as he spills onto the shower floor, calling your name…

You throw yourself into the couch cushion next to you and physically cringe. Where the hell did that come from? Was this the result of your dry spell since you left Henry? A guy that you’ve never even met before gives you a little attention and your brain automatically goes into the gutter. Sitting up, you rub your face in your hands in an attempt to keep the scenario from replaying in your mind. At least you had successfully distracted yourself from the self pity you were wallowing in.

You roll onto your back, holding up the letter in your hand. You admire the artwork, the sloppy handwriting. A person wrote this letter. Someone who did something illegal and paid the price for it. Someone who is very loved and has an uncle waiting for him somewhere in this town, and friends who would do anything for him. And now, he’s writing you letters, and you wonder if he is feeling the same way that you are starting to feel…what are you feeling, exactly?

Sitting up from the couch, you grab a pen and paper from your bag.

“Hello Eddie” no.

“Hey, stranger” no.

“What’s up!” definitely not.

Another balled up paper tossed to the ground.

“Dear Eddie,” sure why not, “I hope you are having a wonderful holiday season yourself. Hopefully your uncle can come and see you for whatever you celebrate. If not, at least a phone call would be nice. Does the prison give you anything special for the holidays? Like a turkey for Thanksgiving, ham for Christmas, the traditional stuff. I spent the holiday with-”

Steve and Robin. You know them! I know who you are, too. Totally not weird, right?

“-my friends. They called it “Friendsgiving,” I think it had something to do with a TV show. None of us like to cook, so we ended up just picking up stuff at the store and then going out to a local bar. I’m writing this letter the next day, a little hungover I have to admit. But, writing this letter has helped distract me from the migraine I’m trying to stave off. It’s been very busy at school lately with projects, exams, a choir…thing? All that means for me is that I have mountains of paperwork to grade, and I spent the last month trying to get kids to turn in anything missing. It’s like trying to get squirrels to stay in a basket.

Winter break is just around the corner, though. Which means two weeks of getting to sleep in late, watching terrible TV reruns, and using the cold weather as an excuse to stay inside. Although, I think my friends will manage to get me out of my apartment one way or another. I feel like a cat who was adopted by two dogs who share the same brain cell. But, they have helped me a lot over the last couple of months so I owe it to them to be their voice of reason sometimes.”

You pause and have a laugh to yourself. You think about all the ridiculous adventures the two of them have taken you on in the last few months, doing things that you would never have done before Henry. They’ve taken the hard metal bones out of your binding and started loosening the strings. You wonder if you would have even said yes to doing this letter thing if you hadn’t already had your boundaries pushed a little.

“I hope this isn’t too much to ask, but do you have any big plans for when you get out? Places you want to go? Food you want to try? People you want to see?”

You smile when you dot the last question mark. It feels sneaky to ask when you know that your meeting is inevitable, and there is a small voice in your ear telling you that he wouldn’t want to meet you. You’re boring. Simple. Dull. Only shades of grey fill your wardrobe, your heart, where there was once colour. Broken.

The new bottle of wine you got at the gas station stares at you from the kitchen.

Anyway.

“Hopefully you’re able to get out in time for the summer. Wouldn’t it be nice to walk outside as a free man and get to feel the sun on your skin? I think Hawkins is having a Rose festival again next year. There could be some inspiration there for you for your art, and if not, the funnel cakes are worth the admission price. Everything else is overpriced, but what isn’t nowadays?”

Filling the last bit of the back of the page, you felt it only fair to give a few details about yourself. Just a general description, nothing too revealing. Not that there was much to give away since becoming a professional educator has taken any creative freedom from your sense of style. You did tell him that on the weekends you treated yourself by wearing comfy clothes all day. You didn’t tell him that you only felt okay to do that recently, since your ex husband always expected you to look your best.

As you reached the bottom, you remembered the redacted section of his last letter. Do should you ask about it? Would he even be able to tell you? You went ahead and brought it up.

“Before I close this letter, I am curious to know why the last bit of your letter had been marked out. I can only imagine what you could have asked that it had to be taken out. I hope it wasn’t inappropriate, Mr.Banished.” You added a little “ha ha” in parentheses so he knew you were just joking, careful once again not to offend.

“Looking forward to your next letter,”

You signed your name, fighting the urge to draw a heart next to it like the girls in your class writing notes to their crush. There was no way that feeling like this for someone that you’ve only had correspondence through letters and the bit of hype from your mutual friends can be healthy. Grabbing the box of greeting cards that you had sat on the coffee table, you wrote some well wishes and folded your letter to fit within the confines of the red envelope. You took a look at it for the first time since Bridges had handed them over and your heart dropped.

In one of the ethics classes you took in college a classmate did a presentation on Pendleton Prison. It had just come out the year before that there had been an abuse of power and prisoners were basically being tortured. It was hard to observe but informative. You couldn’t even imagine something like that happening to Eddie. You wondered if the reason they were participating in this program to begin with was to help with their reputation. We’ll let them talk to some kids and it will seem like we’re not abusing our inmates.

You look at the wine bottle again.

It’s fine. If Eddie was going through something like that, surely he would have told Steve and Robin, his uncle. But you wanted to be sure. You walk into your kitchen.

December 25th, 1994

“…You can say hello when you see me. You don't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay?”

Your eyes flutter open, and you quickly close them when the harsh light of your tv playing Home Alone was too bright. Another dream about Eddie had taken over your mind in your sleep. You sit back to the door, the key in your hand. He doesn’t push you anymore, says to only give the key if you want to. That he enjoys your company no matter what.

Sigh.

As you sit up from the couch where you had dozed off the night before, you decide to make a cup of coffee and ring your brother.

“I could have come to get you. And brought you back. You know I don’t mind-“

“No, no, it’s okay, really. You have your own family now, I don’t want to dampen the mood,” you say as if you mean it. Coffee swishes around in your mug as you talk. It was true that your brother had a family of his own and was living the American dream. You liked that he invited you to be part of that, but you just couldn’t get past the notion that everyone would just look at you with pity. You’d rather be alone

Steve and Robin also invited you to Colorado with them. Steve’s parents had a house in Aspen where they were hosting Christmas this year. Steve insisted his parents wouldn’t care if you tagged along since they started to become fond of Robin. As much as seeing the beautiful snow covered mountains of Colorado sounds like a great reprieve for your mind, you still lied and told them you were going to your brothers. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

The sound of Kevin McCallister’s hijinks in New York got your attention. The movie distracted you for a while, until it didn’t. You watched the tv -- well, rather you looked at it for until you stood up, deciding to get out of the house, even if just to drive around.

The movie-esque scenery of small town Hawkins covered in snow was quiet and still, say for the few cars that you passed likely on the way to see family, traveling between houses. Something you and Henry did to make things fair for both of you. Your mom’s house first, then his parents.

Cars sat outside the Hideout, piquing your interest as you watched a man get out of a pick up truck and walk inside. It was close enough to five o'clock that you decided to pull into the lot, pulling into a spot by the door. Inside you were surprised to see it fairly occupied, mostly by men who looked like they worked at the factory in town or drove the big rig that was parked on the side of the building. The patrons seemed to talk amongst themselves, some semblance of holiday cheer keeping their spirits alive as their glasses clanked and boisterous laughs filled the air.

Sliding into an empty bar stool, you grabbed your purse to get your ID and some cash.

“Ain’t ya little young to be sittin’ alone at a bar on Christmas?”

You looked up from your purse at the man sitting next to you at the bar. He sipped from his glass, cigarette smoke seeping from his lips, attention set on nothing in particular. He was an older man, bald on top and plenty of aging on his face, but you had the feeling he was younger than he looked. Some of his features felt familiar to you but you weren’t sure why.

“Um, well, I guess so,” you stutter as you set your purse down between your feet. “But, uh, I really didn’t want to spend Christmas alone.”

A hum and a nod, “I guess loneliness knows no age.” He huffed a laugh before getting the bartender's attention. “What are you drinking?”

“Oh, no, please, you don’t-” you begin to protest, but he puts his hand up and waves you off.

“Trust me,” he takes a long drag from his cigarette, “I would be buying it for someone else if they could be here.”

Ah. You tell the bartender your order and the man tells him to put it on his tab.

“Thank you,” you give him a genuine smile, turning towards him to speak as the bar patrons become louder. You paused for a beat before speaking again, “I’m sorry you’re alone today.”

“Makes no difference to me really, just another day to me,” he takes a sip of his beer. You almost miss it, but you see the flash of a smile on his face.

“Just another day, huh,” you say smugly, dipping your head into his line of vision. He must have realized he was smiling because he covered his hand with his mouth shyly, the motion a contradiction to his hard exterior. Clearing his throat, he sat up in his seat, opening from his hunched position to talk with you properly.

“It’s just another day, always been to me, but,” He looks at you for a moment, then back down into his beer, “I used to celebrate, for my boy. Haven’t gotten to do that properly in a while. I’m hopin’ this year will be the last, that next year will be different.”

His endearment made your eyes misty. “That’s so sweet,” you coo, putting a hand on coat covered arm, “I’m sure things will work out.” You pull back when your drink is dropped off, quickly taking a few sips.

The man watches you, his head shaking in your peripherals. “So, what’s really got ya out here celebrating with Hawkins finest? Besides the, uh,” he gestures vaguely, “cheerful atmosphere.”

You stay quiet for a moment, eyes focused on the straw floating in your drink. Deep breath in, and out. “Do you want the half truth or the full truth?”

His body bounces from a chuckle, “I got a little time.”

Pouring your heart out to a stranger over drinks felt therapeutic, and not in the same way as talking to Robin and Steve. He just listened, nodded his head, grunted in what you assume to be agreement. This man, who looks like he hasn’t taken a day off in his life, made you feel more valid with no words at all than anyone else has in your entire life besides your own mother.

“And now I’m, like, kinda into this guy, but he doesn’t know I exist,” your words are a little slurred as you take down another drink. “Sorry, no, he knows I exist, but he knows nothing about me. Like, he knows some things, but he doesn’t really know me, ya know?”

His head bobs up and down, takes another drag of his cigarette.

“I feel weird feeling this way, because I would never have even considered a guy like him before. Henry, I told you about Henry, he was super uppity, snotty. A real tight ass. But, this guy is funny. Genuine, and his friends talk him up. Who wouldn’t fall for a guy like that? Even if he is rough around the edges.”

“Well, if it doesn’t work out with you and this guy, I outta introduce you to my nephew. He was always picked on in school for being different, but he’s a good kid. Just got into the wrong stuff,” the mans face sunk a bit, “My fault really.”

You tilt your head in confusion, “How so?”

“Heart attack. Had one while at work. Stayed in the hospital for a few, got the bill and almost had another one,” he chuckles at that. “I wasn’t even gonna tell ‘em, but he came over to visit and I forgot about it. Saw it sittin’ on the counter. Next thing I know he’s callin’ me sayin’ he’s booked on ‘possession with intent to distribute’. Buncha bull for some grass.” He put his cigarette out with a harsh stab. “But, he’ll be good soon. My deadbeat brother’s been keepin’ an eye on him in there and he’s been keeping his good behavior streak.”

“He sounds like a good kid,” you rest your cheek against the cool counter as you smile up at him.

“Yeah, he is.” His smile reaches his eyes, and so does yours.

“Well, gotta go, darlin’,” he slaps a couple bills on the counter and nods to the bartender, “Excpectin’ a call here soon. Get you some pretzels or somethin’ before ya take off.”

“Thank you,” your brows come together, “sorry, I don’t think I ever caught your name?”

“Names Wayne.”

“Nice to meet you, Wayne.”

thanks for reading.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x teacher!reader #eddie munson x yn #inmate!eddie munson #inmate!eddie munson x reader #inmate!eddie munson x teacher!reader #oto!eddie #eddie munson series #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson st

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thecapricunt1616 · 4 months ago

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Thinking about College Lip again, genuinely ever since @mouseymilkovich came on the scene I’ve been once again shameless obsessed (Thank you mouse🐁 we say in unison)

TLDR: Once again I haven’t been able to watch shameless in a moment - this is all from my memory & tik tok clips & edits I’ve been obsessively watching that I think lip acts. If it’s not perfectly canon, I’m sorry! Feedback is always greatly appreciated but try to keep it kindly constructive as I’m just a girl in the world already having a hard time and writing is my outlet so - I love feedback and constructive criticism but don’t just say something like “wow that part made me cringe” without adding how I should make it better or something. Sorry for rambling & thank you for listening if you did.

But I’m thinking how pissed he would be if you were good friends/fuck buddies, and he found out that a professor was being creepy with you

(Warnings for BTC: Creepy teachers (power imbalance), Mentions of sexual harassment, Angry!Lip, Drunk Lip )

Okay so I imagine you’re sitting in his dorm one day, talking about the weirdest things that have happened in college. Lip had told you he had fucked one of his professors but called it off, and you laughed -

“No fucking way!!! Professor Simmons literally held me back after class one day and told me if I wanted a better grade on my last essay I could suck his dick!” Shaking your head at the stupid memory and taking a swig of lukewarm beer he had given you hours ago.

“Wait- huh?” He asked, tone now much more serious. You just shrugged, smile fading a bit. Suddenly you felt almost…judged? By the way his lips curled into a bit of a frown when you said that, his brows knitting together in that classic Lip way, ever angry. You’d teased him that he reminded you of the ‘Anger Emotion’ from inside out that you’d taken him to see with Liam over spring break.

“I- I didn’t do it - like- ew!” You laughed nervously, eyes flicking to your lap, cheeks feeling suddenly hot, and your mouth feeling dry. “Hes…so gross- you thought I would like- do that?!” You asked defensively.

“No- what the fuck? Why the fuck would I be questioning you?! That motherfucker is- is married, Tink! And old as fuckin’ dirt!” His voice raises slightly to drive his point home. The use of that nickname, Tink, short for Tinkerbell. He had started calling you it after you wore a dark green mini skirt and brown turtleneck to class one day, the name was quite perfect for you considering your small stature and affinity for short skirts like the cartoon fairy.

You shrugged, picking at your nails and nibbling on the inside of your lip. “I didn’t let ‘em touch me- only you do that. “ you muttered, feeling embarrassed and small now that you felt as if you’d made him worry after you, like he didn’t think you could take care of yourself. He grabbed your chin, making you look at him - his glazed over eyes told you he’d already finished his 7th beer without even having to look at the nightstand.

“Good- cause if he did?” He said softly “I’d fuckin kill em” he assured you, brushing his thumb over your cheek, before pulling you to his chest and wrapping his arms around you, kissing the top of your head.

You sighed softly, nuzzling your face in his neck and inhaling the scent of his spicy cologne, and the stale smell of Marlboro cigarettes that stuck to his skin and clothes permanently. “M’sorry- didn’t mean to make you upset” you said gently, wrapping your leg around his frame and gently kissing his tanned skin, even though he was staunchly Irish - summer did the gallaghers well, maybe not Ian, or Debbie- or, Frannie… but the rest of them, sure.

“What did I say about the sorrys, kid?” He squeezes your ass firmly, before giving you a light spank that caused you to giggle a bit.

“Ok! Ok I’m not sorry, s-“ you stop yourself and he looks down at you with a smirk to which you scrunch your nose and smile big “soooooo not sorry “ you correct yourself and he chuckled, shaking his head and grabbing his beer, finishing it off.

The next time you heard from Lip was the following night, at 4 am. On an unknown number. You woke up in your dorm to your phone ringing and didn’t even bother looking at the name before sliding it to answer, knowing no one in their right mind that didn’t know you would call you so late. “Yeah?” You said groggily into the phone.

“Heyyyyy, Tinker” Lip said into the phone and that woke you up fully.

“Lip- what’s wrong?” You said concerned, knowing he would never be calling you so late unless he was in some kind of trouble.

“I uhhh” he slurred, obviously drunk. “I think I got myself expelled? Dunno…can you pick me up? Just go to my house- tell Fiona I’m locked up. I need 800- she’s gonna give it to you. Make sure you take Ian with you I don’t want you gettin robbed- tell er’ T’take it from the squirrel fund- been stockin’ it f’this shit just in case. ” he explained, of course breaking to hiccup drunkenly.

You quickly stood, pulling sweatpants over your spandex shorts and pulling a hoodie on. “What did you do?! Lip! What the hell how will I survive Trig without you!” You said worriedly, putting on your messenger bag quickly and holding tour pepper spray in one hand ready to pull as you rushed out the door.

“I dunno!! I’ll tutor you, Tink! Just come get me. M’stuck with this guy that smells like a fuckin sewer.” He groaned.

“Of course I’m coming! I’ll see you soon - don’t get yourself shanked!” You hung up, frustratedly beginning your walk to the L

You were shivering by the time you were pounding on the Gallaghers door, finally Fiona opens the door “WHAT?! WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!” She screamed on her way down the stairs, and when she opened the door to see you shivering there in a hoodie and sweatpants in the 30 degree fall weather her expression softened.

“What’s wrong with Lip?” She asked, pulling you inside and grabbing a blanket “Jesus- Tink! Your lips are nearly fuckin blue!” She wrapped you up, taking your trembling hands and pulling them to her lips, warming your icy fingers with her warm breath.

“He- he’s in jail? I think? He said s-something about a fund, squirrel fund? Bail is 800 and he said to- to take Ian so I don’t get robbed for it.” You stuttered due to your teeth chattering, and being catcalled and followed for 2 blocks on your walk to their house.

“Okay- yeah. Fuck. What did he say he did?” She tugs you to the kitchen, pulling an old Twinkie box from under the sink and pulling out a huge wad of cash, beginning to count out $800. Your eyes widened, shrugging and mouth dropping as she shoves it into an old IRS ‘OPEN IMMEDIATELY’ envelope before folding it in half and shoving it in her bra and screaming

“IANNNNNNNNN! IAN! GET UP!! YOUR BROTHER IS IN JAIL!”

You flinched a bit at her sudden outburst, and there is pounding footsteps down the stairs “what did he do?” The redhead asks and Fiona shrugs

“What the fuck did he do, Tink?!” Fiona asks again and you shrugged quickly, shaking your head confused

“He- he said he was gonna be expelled?! I don’t know- I- he just- he called and said to come here and that Ian could protect me- and- and he gets really angry I don’t want him to be angry if you come with us-“

She cuts you off and holds her hand up

“He’s not gonna take it out on you he fuckin knows me. Ian go tell Debbie to watch Liam. I need to find fucking pants” she muttered heading over to the large laundry pile on the kitchen floor and digging through it as Ian raced back upstairs to do what he had been instructed.

Fiona thankfully drove you 3 to the police station, thankful for a warm car instead of taking the late night train. When you got inside the station, she thankfully took over.

“Gallagher? Phillip- Lip- Lip Gallagher- here-“ she drops the envelope in the little box that went behind the window. The woman looks at the three of us, then the envelope, then the computer.

“Phillip?” She repeated, unenthused and Fiona nodded quickly. “That’ll be 800, I’m assuming -“ she picked up the crinkled, (slightly sweat damp envelope) that Fiona had tossed into the box “this-“ she holds it up by her bright red acrylic nails like it was diseased

“S’all there!” Fiona nods and smiles kindly, likely hoping her kind demeanor would cause the woman to take pity on us.

“Let me just- count this” the woman opened her drawer, pulling out a pair of black latex gloves and snapping them over her hands before pulling the envelope open and counting out the cash, popping it in the drawer and printing a ticket. “RON!!!” She screeched.

An overweight, brunette man is startled awake behind her sitting in a rolling chair and jumping slightly when he was called. “Huh?! I’m awake!” He barked defensively. Ian and I look at eachother, with a ‘are they fucking kidding?!’ Look

“Gallagher! Paid bail. Cut ‘em” she said and went back to scrolling on Facebook.

You followed the large man when he beckoned you all, back to a cell where Lip was curled up to himself on the bench, arms crossed over his tummy and head to his knees protectively while he dozed.

“GALLAGHER!” The man barks, causing Lip to jump with a startled snore. When he saw you his expression softened, jumping up and rushing to the bars, reaching for you. You gave him a hug as the oaf got the cell unlocked.

“Quit scarin’ me like this, Lip” you mumbled into his greasy cigarette stale curls.

You got Lip back to the Gallagher house, helping him up the stairs to his room and setting him on the bed. He was utterly exhausted, nearly so drunk he was passed out. So you went down to the kitchen, and made him a double pack of beef ramen and came back upstairs, giving it to him to eat and distract him while you tended to his wounds.

He nearly burnt a hole in his throat wolfing it down, hissing and trying to swat your hands away when you cleaned the beer bottle glass from the gash In his forehead. Through mumbles and coaxing kisses you’d found that he hunted down the same Professor Simmons that beckoned you for a blowie in turn for a better grade - and nearly beat him to death.

After he’d told his wife what he did- she begged him that if they didn’t press charges- she wouldn’t go to the police for the assault and Lip agreed. As awful as it was to have your somewhat situationship bleeding in front of you - it made your clit throb slightly that he went out of his way and nearly ruined his life in your honor. Like some kind of fucking knight in shining Armour.

The next morning, lip woke up to yet another throbbing headache, atop of a dislocated nose, and a nearly bitten through tongue that made him wince when he barely even swallowed. “Open” you beckon gently, already having been awake for hours, changing his bandages and ever-so carefully tending to his wounds.

He doesn’t even try to open his bruised black eye, not even caring to know what happened to him and weakly opens his mouth.

“You gotta learn when to call it quits, Gallagher” you said gently as you placed 3 extra strength Tylenol on his tongue and gave him a mouthful of water to swallow it down.

A/N P2: I know this isn’t my usual MO? I am sorry haha. I wanted to try writing something sweet and angsty. Sorry I just wanted to try something new! LMK if you liked it, xoxo- Capri ❤️

#lip gallagher x you #lip gallagher fanfic #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher smut #lip gallagher #Phillip Gallagher #lip gallagher angst #lip gallagher fluff

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brotrustmeicanwrite · 4 months ago

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I fucking hate AI but heavens would it be useful if it wasn't such an unethical shit show

First, just to be clear, I'm talking about actually using AI as a tool to support your writing process, not to generate soulless texts made from stolen data instead of writing yourself.

Back when ChatGPT first became available it was still pretty useless so I had a lot of time to learn about how it's made, how it works and the ethics of it before ever touching the technology. I decided pretty quickly to never use it to generate text (or images) for actual writing and art but I still wanted to experiment with what else it could do (because I'm a nosy bitch that needs to know and poke everything).

And HEAVENS was it a blessing for writing with adhd

The last time I wrote more than 200 words in a day (outside of school work obviously) was 7th grade. I wrote over 8k just in notes the day Google's "Gemini" (formerly "Bard") became available to the public.

In order to not jeopardize my existing work I decided to make a completely new story with Bard's help that wasn't linked in any way to anything I had made before. So I started with a prompt along the lines of "I need help writing a story". At first, it immediately started generating a completely random story about a green tiger but after some trial and error, I got it to instead start asking questions.

What do you want the theme of your story to be?

What genre do you want to write in?

What time period do you want your story to take place in?

Is there magic?

Are there other sentient creatures besides humans?

And so on and so forth. Until the questions became extremely specific after covering all the bases. I could tell that all I was doing was essentially talking to an amalgamation of every "how to write" blog and website you've ever seen and telling it which part I wanted to work on next but it still felt great because the AI didn't actually contribute anything besides a few suggestions of common tropes and themes here and some synonyms and related words there; I was doing all the work.

And that's the point.

Nothing in that exchange was something I couldn't easily do on my own. But what happened was that I had turned what is usually a chaotic mess of a railway network of thoughts into a clear and most importantly recorded conversation. I can sit down and answer all those questions on my own but what usually happens when I do, is that every thought I have branches out into 4-7 new ones which I then attempt to record all at once (which obviously doesn't work, yay adhd) only to end up lost in thought with maybe 20 lines of notes in total after 6 hours at the table. Alternatively, either because I get bored or just because, I get distracted by something or my own thoughts about a different unrelated topic and end up with even less.

Working within the boundaries of a conversation forces you to focus on one specific question at a time and answer it to progress. And the engagement from the back and forth is just enough entertainment to not get bored. The six hours I mentioned before is the time I spent chatting with what is essentially a glorified chatbot that day, way less time than what I spent on any other project, and yet I have more notes and a clearer image of the story than I do about any of my real work. I have a recorded train of thought.

In theory, this would also work with a real human in a real conversation but realistically only very few people have someone who would be willing to do that; I certainly don't have a someone like that. Not to mention that someone doesn't always have time. Besides that, a real human conversation involves two minds with their own ideas, both of which are trying to contribute their own thoughts and opinions equally. The type of AI chat that I experimented with, on the other hand, is essentially just the conversation you have with yourself when answering those questions, only with part of it outsourced to a computer and no one else butting into your train of thought.

On that note, I also tried to get it to critique my writing but besides fixing grammatical errors all that thing did was sing praises as if I was God. That's where you'll 100000% need humans.

tl;dr writing with AI as an assistant has basically the same effect as body doubling but it’s an unethical shit show so I’m not doing it again. Also I forgot to mention I did repeat the experiment for accuracy with different amount of spoons and it makes me extra bitter that is was very consistent

#expect follow up additions bc I never manage to get all of my thoughts down on a topic in one post even when I write it over several days #do not use AI if I wasn’t clear enough #do #not #use #AI #writing #writers on tumblr #creative writing #writeblr #authors of tumblr #tumblr writers #writer on tumblr #writers #writer problems #oc

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0v3rachi3v3r · 1 year ago

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yesterday was open house at the school (11 hour day but we don’t talk abt that). kids get their schedules n see the classrooms n shit.

I saw a few of my kids from last year, and I joked w them “you’re not in 7th grade again this year, right?” and they’d laugh, “no I just wanted to come say hi”

I had a few of those but there was one in particular that really hit me hard after I got home.

S was one of my “good kids” in my “bad class” - in reality, they just put 25 of the biggest personalities in the same room, and unfortunately they didn’t mesh well.

Anyways - this kid is really hard working, honest, all the good qualities you wanna see in a student. At the same time, he’s got a good group of friends and socially doing well too.

Half way through the year he hit a little block and got like a C+ or maybe a B-, which was a red flag to mom bc he’s always been an AB student and that was lower than his expected.

She and I conversed via email, and we came up with a plan to get him back on track, get him caught up. Frequent reminders to double check work (to minimise silly mistakes), asking for help, things of that nature.

He ended the year strong with a B+ or maybe A- average, and because of his initiative, I even recommended him for the summer math program to skip into algebra for the next year.

When he came in “just to say hi,” he told me about the summer program and how excited he is for algebra this year. Mom reiterated how much I positively impacted him and how much they appreciate me etc.

At the time I was in work mode and none of it registered, but once I got home and started telling my bf about it, I realised that already, at not even my 3rd full year of teaching, I met my goal:

To make a difference in a kid’s life.

I know the “you touch all students’ lives!” thing but… hearing it directly really solidifies it and cements it in, yknow?

I bawled like a baby before falling asleep.

I really did it.

I made a difference in a kid’s life.

#pointless blogging #education #education system #IRL teacher

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juztscrollingthrough · 10 months ago

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Seven by Taylor Swift

I always interpreted this song as someone looking back at their childhood nostalgic memories and remembering that one troubled friend who left a deep mark in their psyche but for whatever circumstances they lost touch with one another. This edit kind of depicts the time during the “between years" where they thought of one another but never reached out. This one’s especially from Ian’s POV and all those flashback of memories that compelled him to finally reach out and arrange the meet up with Anthony after a nudge from Dianne. Ian wonders if Anthony still thinks of him, if he still reminisces about their past as fondly as Ian does.

Below are the lyrics with explanation/interpretation in Ian and Anthony's context:

[POV IAN] :

Please picture me In the trees I hit my peak at seven feet In the swing Over the creek I was too scared to jump in

Ian wants his friend to remember him by the fun escapades they shared together. He reminisces about their first 6th grade science project, all their sleepovers, the trips, their first experience with alcohol near the riverside in Sacramento. In their big group of friends how these two became closer due to the fact that he didn’t know how to drive and Anthony was the one who drove him home after school, how after graduation when everyone left for college, these two remained in the suburbs, unsure about their future.

But I, I was high in the sky With Pennsylvania under me Are there still beautiful things?

Ian once said "I'm not exactly the poster child for following your dreams, because I never had any”. He never had exact dreams about career or whatever the future had in store for him. Smosh became a place where Ian and Anthony expressed themselves, an outlet to make each other laugh and with smosh blowing up he finally found his dream: to keep making fun stuff with his best friend which for some reason random strangers over the internet connected with. They were riding the high that came with smosh’s success unaware of the fact that this newfound business relationship would tower over their years of close friendship.

Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Your braids like a pattern Love you to the moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long

Their genuine love and adoration for one another, how they shared every secret with each other, how Ian lied to Anthony about his first kiss in hopes to impress his new friend in 7th grade and in later years opening up about the lie as he finally got his actual first kiss…. in his friend’s bedroom. Slowly these tender moments fizzled out as they grew up, as their channel grew, and so did their stress and workload. Though, they aren't the people they once were, but their mutual love and respect for each other remained deeply ingrained in their hearts.

And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet And just like a folk song Our love will be passed on

Ian knew that Anthony came from a broken home, and how he lost an authoritative figure, his step dad, who abandoned Anthony’s mother and his step-brothers when he was merely a 12 year old, and due to his tumultuous situation at home, Anthony got this heavy responsibility on his shoulders of his family. Anthony feared that his mothers agoraphobia would somehow find a way towards him too and he would stay stuck in this haunted situation which he desperately wanted to break away from. When Anthony fell sick due to his autoimmune disease, Ian’s mom urged his son to visit his friend. The get well soon card he got signed by everyone in their class and gave to Anthony. After their graduation Ian’s parents invited Anthony for a trip to Hawaii and that was the first time when Anthony got to experience something away from his haunted house back in Sacramento. He got to experience what a complete family felt like vicariously through Ian.

Passed down like folk songs Our love lasts so long

No matter how many obstacles there were, the power of friendship conquered it all. They not only got their company back but also rekindled their friendship. They said everything had to happen the way it happened for them to eventually reunite. They might be complete opposites but there is this red string of fate that lingers between them. Their creative partnership is too strong and in the end they proved that “Friendship always wins”.

#smosh #ian hecox #anthony padilla #ianthony #besties #platonic soulmates??#I got too emo while making this lol #sorry for the bad quality T-T #☀️🔍#a friendship like THIS #taylor swift #seven

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parkerflix · 2 years ago

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—angel

chad meeks-martin x gn!reader (mentions of ethan landry x reader but don’t be fooled)

genre: angst angst angst w a little fluff

warnings: mentions of ghostface from scream 5, no scream 6 spoilers, mentions of alcohol

wc: 3.5k (i’m so sorry in advance)

synopsis: you were chad’s angel forever. but what if forever wasn’t as long as you both thought?

a/n: here’s this fic ): it was a monster to write i normally don’t write this much but ahhh yeah </3 not proofread

you had known chad all your life. having mothers that were best friends came with your own built in friends in the twins. mindy was always the one who seemed to be hot & cold with you (you assumed it had to do with the incident in 7th grade— it wasn’t your fault). chad on the other hand, took to you very quickly and ended up always being around you. in the blink of an eye you were attached at the hip, where one went, the other would follow.

it stayed this way all throughout high school, his on & off relationship with liv never affecting your friendship. you know that liv had thought it was a little strange that you were so close, but once wes had shown interest in you, she quickly seemed to accept it.

after the incident last year in woodsboro, chad had decided to stay by your side even more. you had both lost your partners, and had barely survived what amber & richie put everyone through. the first few months were the hardest, nightmares of wes’ death haunting you, knowing you were too late to save him or his mom. your parents were reluctant to have you move so far away for college, only feeling a small sense of relief knowing everyone was going to the same place.

time went by, and you and chad seemingly had your normal friendship. but everyone around you couldn’t help but notice there was a shift, in both of your demeanors. you both seemed to be more intimate, soft touches & lingering glances noticed by everyone. you hadn’t given it much thought, it was chad, the same guy you had seen accidentally swallow a fly while camping when you were 10. he was your best friend, the person who probably knew you best (although mindy would argue she knew you better-) and that knew your deepest secrets and fears.

mindy had brought it up one night, before the big halloween party at the frat house.

“so what are you and my lovely brother going as?”

you looked back at her, two costumes in your hands.

“we aren’t going as anything specific, i don’t even know what he’s wearing.”

mindy rolled her eyes, perching herself on your bed.

“there’s no way you guys aren’t doing a couples costume.”

“we aren’t! i just can’t decide if i want to go as a grim or as maybe a cowboy?”

“who the fuck is grim-“

you held up the robe that you had tailored ( used fabric tape) to make it where you went tripping on the robe all night.

“from the grim adventures of billy and mandy? the cartoon?”

mindy gave a displeased look and you put one of the costumes back.

“okay i think i’m going with this.”

ii.

you had been at the party for less than 30 minutes and had already downed a few drinks, completely forgetting that you promised chad to pace yourself tonight.

mindy and annika were sitting next to you, talking about something that you didn’t really bother to pay attention to. you saw tara stumbling her way to the kitchen, talking to some girls that you had seen in your psych class. sipping the drink in your cup (what were you drinking?), you gazed

around the room, feeling bored and alone. suddenly a hand landed on your shoulder, making you jump slightly.

mindy and annika looked at you, both rolling their eyes at the culprit. you turned your head to see chad there, in his costume.

his cowboy hat was poorly positioned on his head, and it was hard to not notice his lack of a shirt. he smirked seeing you take his outfit all in. moving from behind the couch to infront of you, he did a quick twirl for you, making you giggle at his curtesy.

“you like what you see?”

you shook your head, the hood from your robe falling off your head.

“definitely not.”

“you wound me angel.”

you scoffed, and got off the couch, weaving your arm in his. chad kissed your hand before leading you to the kitchen, ready to grab another drink.

“where were you?”

“i was busy dragging ethan out of the dorm, he decided to make his costume and he was struggling with it last minute.”

you inwardly cringed at the mention of ethan.

ethan landry was chad’s roommate & friend who had a not so secret attraction to you. you thought he was sweet, and you assumed he took a liking to you because unlike everyone else in your friend group you showed him more kindness. you didn’t see him like that, although he never seemed to make a move so you didn’t worry about him too much.

“is that so?”

chad hummed, pouring two drinks, and topping yours off.

“you know, he looks really good tonight. i bet he’d like to hear you compliment him.”

“chad…”

“listen, i just want my two friends happy with each other! you both look so cute and would have the cutest babies.”

“ew chad, gross!”

“i’m just saying!”

you shook your head, groaning when he took your hand and started dragging you away to a quieter part of the house. you tried to ignore the butterflies that you had in your stomach, also ignoring the way your hands fit together perfectly.

ethan had been standing in the corner, eyes wide and looking extremely uncomfortable in his outfit. he was dressed as a knight, and made out of cardboard.

chad had pushed you towards him, making you stumble over your feet. ethan’s eyes widen and he stuck an arm out for you to grab, which you did.

“whoops sorry angel.”

you could hear chad’s shit eating grin in his voice and deciding to ignore him. you quickly took your hands off ethan’s arm, thanking him for the stability.

“nice outfit, who are you dressed as?”

“well i had a few outfits in mind including one that would’ve matched with chad-“

you let out a soft laugh, feeling chad’s arm come around your shoulders.

“but i ended up going with grim from the grim adventures billy and mandy.”

ethan hummed, seemingly deep in thought for a moment.

“that’s that one cartoon network show right?”

“oh my god yes!” your eyes lit up passing your cup to chad’s empty hand.

ethan laughed, seeing how excited you got over someone knowing the show.

“it used to be my favorite growing up.”

“no way! i watched it all the time as a kid, i was devastated when they stopped running honestly i don’t know why they stopped!”

the rest of the night had gone by in a flash, chad still by your side while you and ethan had talked about the shows you watched as a kid and your favorite episodes. you felt like you knew ethan better, and you were somewhat glad that chad had brought you over.

chad on the other hand, seemed quieter than usual, his arm always either being over your shoulder or around your waist. he sipped his drink slowly, just taking in the party environment and enjoying the warmth of your body next to his.

ethan had started to talk about another topic, when you let a yawn out, and caught chad’s attention.

“are you ready to go angel?”

you shook your head, obviously fighting (and losing) to your exhaustion. chad removed himself from you, saying he was letting mindy know that he was taking you back to your place.

you said your goodbyes to ethan, and waited in the front yard, waiting for chad to make his way back to take you home.

a few minutes had gone by, and there was no sign of him. there were a few stray people here & there, but they all seemed to be in their own worlds.

you pulled out your phone from your shorts, shooting him a text. a couple of minutes went by again, and right as you were about to go inside the house again, you saw ethan making his way towards you.

“i’m taking you home. uhm, chad got a bit occupied.”

your heart deflated a bit, but u nodded, not wanting it to be so obvious.

“yeah okay, sounds good. let’s go landry.”

the walk with ethan was peaceful, a simple conversation flowing between the two of you. you were tempted to ask about chad, but bit your tongue on the topic. soon, the two of you were outside your door both unsure of what to do.

“so…”

“yeah…”

ethan’s ears were slowly reddening, his gaze averted and looking anywhere but your face.

you let out a small laugh and shook your head.

“thanks for walking me back ethan. it means a lot.”

“oh it’s not a problem, i know you were supposed to walk with chad, but i’m just glad you made it home safe.”

“well either way, thank you. i’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” you quickly opened your door, taking a step inside your place before turning back and pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“goodnight ethan.”

you scurried into your apartment, closing the door on the stunned boy on your doorstep.

iii.

you didn’t see chad until a few days later, in the library between classes. you were hoping to check out a book for your film class, not hearing him creep up behind you due to your headphones.

reaching up to grab one of the books, you felt 2 fingers poke at each of your sides, causing you to let out a gasp and jump.

you held onto the shelf, turning around and glaring at the culprit.

chad stood there, in a tank sweatshirt with some sweats. he smiled at you, waving his hand,seemingly ignoring the glare you sent his way.

you pulled your headphones down and around your neck, lowering the music playing.

“hi.”

“that’s all i get? i haven’t seen you in days.”

you rolled your eyes at him and lightly jabbed his chest.

“and who’s fault is that? you basically disappeared on me and then had ethan take me home!”

he winced, as if you had actually hurt him and jutted out his bottom lip.

“i’m sorry angel, i am but tara was dealing with this guy who was very obviously trying to take advantage of her and you know i didn’t wanna leave her alone like that-“

you put your hand out, stopping him from the long tangent about to come out of his mouth.

“it’s fine. anyways it made have someone i can talk to about things about things other than tara nice for a change.”

the name rolled off your tongue so sweetly, but you knew there was hidden poison with it, jealousy taking you over.

in all your time being friends with the twins, you always seemed to come second to tara. it’s not like she did it on purpose, she just attracted people towards her. even wes liked her before he had a crush on you, and it always made your heart ache a little.

she was lovely, and one of your closest friends, but you knew and saw the way that chad stared at her so lovingly. it was painfully obvious to you and everyone but them that they were into each other. and who where you to stand in the way of that?

“i promise i’ll make it up to you, how about movie night tonight? my place, we can watch those barbie movies you love so much.” chad wiggled his eyebrows, and you let out a giggle before sighing.

“that sounds great, except…”

“no no, no except you have to. cancel your plans and come hang out with me.” chad grabbed your hand, bringing it to his chest.

“i cant, i promised ethan that i would help his with his homework, a little bit of a trade off, he’s helping me with my psych project.” you said, keeping your voice and eyes down, not wanting chad to see the blush on your face.

you had missed the way a few emotions had flashed through his eyes, his hand releasing yours.

“oh. maybe next time then?”

you looked up at him, seeing him with a soft smile and nodded.

“next time.”

vi.

next time had seemed to be put off by months, both of you drifting farther and farther from the other . most days you spent with mindy & annika or with ethan.

you were grateful for the three of them, them trying to keep chad’s name out of conversation when you were around.

you had tried to make time to hang out with him, but he always seemed busy with sports or school or tara.

you weren’t sure what happened that night of the party, but the two of them were much cozier, everyone immediately noticing at one of the groups’ game nights. they played it off, but everyone could tell by their bright red ears they were lying.

you were happy for him, but it didn’t help the aching in your heart. you had always been told by everyone that you and chad were eventually going to end up together, and that not happening knocked your whole world down.

at this point, you were more concerned about your friendship with him than anything, not even knowing if he still considered you his best friend.

your relationship with ethan had grown since the night of the party, and you were happy he was willingly to take it slow with you.

he had confessed one night during your study session, and took your apology well. he knew you had eyes for chad, and he was willing to help you with it, and just be a friend. he had put your feelings above his, and something just pulled at your heart strings. you both had agreed to take it slow, warning him that you weren’t quite ready but were willing if he helped.

and he was helpful. ethan came to every event you had, studied with you and slowly, traditions you had with chad were replaced with new traditions you had with ethan.

you two were joined at the hip, but also enjoyed your personal space and he understood you. you were grateful for him being so patient with you, and just enjoyed his company.

tonight was a movie night that you and ethan had planned, he had let you know that chad would be out of the room all night. you brought over your mini projector & some snacks, and ethan had ordered your favorite takeout.

a few movies in, you started to get sleepy, and got up to change. you pulled open one of ethan’s drawers, grabbing a shirt and a pair of shorts you had stolen from him for these nights. you quickly got changed, and snuggled back in bed with ethan, laying your head on his chest, his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you flush to his side. you absentmindedly drew shapes on his arm, making looking up at him, the movie being drowned out.

his brown curls were messy, some of them getting close to his eye. you reached up to brush his hair from his face, not even noticing that he had paused the movie and was watching you. you brushed his hair, and let your hand linger, the air between the two of you becoming tense. ethan leaned down and kissed you, your heart swooning when he did. his arm around your waist seems to draw you closer to him, his lips leaving yours for a second before he kisses you again, and you can tell he’s trying to say something to you.

before you can even process what that could be, his front door opens and chad walks in, shocked and a little annoyed it seems.

you both pull away from each other sheepishly, not realizing that chad was coming home tonight.

“oh sorry.” he says, awkwardly tossing his keys onto their counter.

“hey dude, we didn’t think you were gonna be home tonight.” ethan said, his grip on your waist slightly tightening. you stayed quietly watching the two boys interact with each other.

“yeah well, tara and i had an argument so i decided to come home. but i’ll be going now.” he quickly grabbed his keys and opened the door, slamming it when he exited.

you blinked, pressing a chaste kiss to ethan’s lips before sliding your shoes on.

“i’ll be right back.”

you opened the door and peered into the hallway to see chad’s figure turning to corner to the staircase. quickly closing their door, you dashed to catch him on the stairs.

he had made it decently far down the steps, and you ran down the stairs, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket to catch his attention.

he stopped and turned around, shocked to see you standing there, catching your breath.

you held up a finger to him, trying to catch your breath before you started talking. chad took in your appearance, your hair all over the place, and a shirt and shorts that he knew he had seen ethan wear more than once around their room. his heart clenched at the thought of the two of you, not knowing what might have happened if he hadn’t walked in.

you finally caught your breath, standing up and giving chad a look over. he had dark circles, and his knuckles seemed to be turning white from how hard he was squeezing his hands. the two of you stood there, not knowing what to say to each other. you weren’t sure how you had ended up so far away from each other, and it admittedly made you more sad than normal.

“so you and ethan huh?”

you crossed your arms,clearly unimpressed.

“yeah and?”

chad shook his head.

“nothing, i just didn’t think he was your type.”

you scoffed at that, not believing him.

“you know it’s shocking to hear you say that, considering you were the one who pushed us together.”

“i never did that.”

“oh come on chad. you always mentioned it before and you always said you were his wingman.”

“yeah that’s because i didn’t think you were going to actually go out with him. he’s not right for you.”

you narrowed your eyes at him, trying to figure out what he meant by that.

“and what do you mean by that?”

“what i just said. he’s not right for you.”

“oh yeah? then who is?”

“me.”

you laughed when he said that, so loudly that it reverberated off the staircase walls.

“since when?”

chad ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“since forever. angel— i’ve always loved you.”

you stared at him stunned, not knowing what to say. months ago, you would have swooned at the mere thought of him saying something like that. but now, you felt anxiety and melancholy, wrapped together.

“don’t say things like that.”

“it’s the truth.”

“you’re lying.”

“i’m not angel—“

“don’t call me that.”

“but angel—“

“i said don’t call me. that.”

a beat passed, both of you quiet before your brain completely processed it and you started talking.

“ i cant even believe you right now, how could you just tell me this just now? you’re with tara, you have been, she’s been the person you love.”

chad sighed, taking a seat on the step.

“she broke up with me.”

“oh.”

“she said that she could tell i wasn’t as into her as she was into me and she was cool about it. i think she knew i have a thing for you.”

you sat down next to chad, your knees touching each other.

“why would you tell me this now?”

“i just always assumed, that we would always have a chance. i mean how many times have you gotten a partner and it doesn’t work out for one reason or another? and then i’m the only one there. each time.”

“but chad— you knew that ethan liked me, you told me to pursue him, you were the one with the heart eyes at tara.”

he shook his head.

“it was always you. it still is.”

you sighed and lifted his chin, keeping him eye level with you.

“if you had told me this months ago…”

“i would’ve had a chance right?”

“you would’ve been my only one.”

“am i too late? i’ll apologize to ethan, tell him that i was the idiot, that you said yes, you were just confused.”

you took his hand in yours, bringing it to your forehead.

“chad i-“

“don’t.” his voice quivered, and you looked to see his eyes filled with tears.

“i’m so sorry angel.”

he leaned against your arm, his tears soaking the sleeve of your shirt.

“i’m so sorry chad.”

he sniffled, eyes bloodshot meeting yours.

“in another life time do you think we would’ve made it?”

you kissed his hand, letting your stray tears fall as well.

“i think so.”

you both sat in the hall, hearts broken by the choices made and the lingering of what if around you both.

#chad meeks martin x you #chad meeks x reader #chad meeks martin #chad meeks martin x reader #chad meeks martin angst #scream fanfic #scream 6 #scream #scream imagine #scream headcanons #ethan landry x reader #jack champion x reader #mason gooding #jack champion fanfic #mason gooding fanfic #chad meeks angst #paris writes

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david-goldrock · 3 months ago

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I am thinking about them again, so let me tell you the story of Ayala

Ayala is not their name, obviously, none of them names in the story are true.

We met in the 4th grade. I just moved towns and went to this new school, but she wasn't in it. She was at the gifted kid institute. Once every week, they'd pull us out of the school system to let us into a world of happiness, challenge, and understanding. My best of days were from there, I have yet to have told you of the time I got high off of sugar there, but that's a story from another time, for another time.

It's the 4th grade, and I just meet the fellas, many of which I still keep in touch with.

She had glasses. she always wore the same blue hoodie, summer and all. She was always a bit cold. She had this weird bowl cut hair that never crossed her shoulders, as if she cut it the shortest she could without being an outcast. she was funny, she was brilliant, smarter than I am for sure. She beat me at math, and at riddles. She solved a Rubik's Cube while I was fiddling with the upper face. She could speak a bit of Chinese by the end of that year, I couldn't remember anything but my name, which was the same word

She was my best friend at the time. I didn't have a smartphone, so we couldn't text, only call. So we did, often. once a week, twice a week, thrice a week.

When we met, I'd hug everyone. we were still young enough so it wouldn't be weird. We were still young enough I couldn't control my strength, and would often chock my friends out. She was the only one who matched my strength. Some people appreciated the hug but wanted out, not her, her hugs lasted minutes, filling my inside.

The years went on and we grew closer. We made a religion, with goals, rituals and all. we made a plan to kill every adult in the world so only we will remain. We would make jokes, we would make games, we would recite plays, we would write poems.

6th grade. I got my smartphone.

We texted, every day, for hours. We didn't know what memes were back then, nor did we have some, but we would create jokes and tell each other. We'd challenge each other with riddles and philosophical thought experiments. We would plan actual experiments. I told her her experiments would almost certainly be illegal to perform, but she just brushed it off.

7th grade, the hottest class at the institute? gender studies. of course, it is, one day I'd perform the experiment we once designed: track the gifted kid population through a 10-year period and check how many are LGBT. in our institute it's only been 4 years, and we are already over 50%. I am one of the few cishet boys in the class, as to be expected. I challenge and ask questions, often. the class almost never advanced after the first slide, we would get caught up in discussions. the discussions didn't end at class, the WhatsApp group was fuming, always running, 19\7. The discussions didn't end at the group, She and I would chat to the late hours of the night, after the teacher couldn't handle it anymore.

She convinced me god does not exist, and that it is okay, because we had each other. It took her 30 minutes to turn me from a questioner to an atheist.

She was so smart, and so funny, and so... beautiful. She was stunning. No makeup, no fancy clothes, she didn't look like a traditional model, and my parents openly called her ugly to my face.

They could never understand, She was beautiful.

I fell in love. I didn't know it at the time, I didn't recognize the feeling, I didn't know it, but now I do. I fell in love, I fell hard.

Then 8th grade. Covid hits. my grandma dies. I don't know what happened at her side, but shit hit the bottom as well. We fell into a deep depression, both of us. There were weeks at a time I would feel nothing. We would message a lot over that time, I was really sad, she was suicidal.

At 9th grade shit hit the fan, she called me, she didn't call me often by that point, only texted, so I was ecstatic.

"hey david"

"HEY WHAT'S UP? HOW ARE YOU?"

"david can I ask you something?"

"Sure..... what is it?"

"if i'm gone, will you be okay with it?"

"WTF?! NO! WTF? WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT? NO! NOT EVEN AS A JOKE!"

"please"

"NO! AYALA! YOU ARE NOT DYING ON ME"

*hangs up*

I call her mother. It took me 15 minutes to call her, I didn't have her number, Ayala didn't give it to me, and none of my friends had it. I found it 15 minutes later in a "details" card I kept from a year before.

15 dreadful minutes

She responds, she tells me she's safe, she's with her, everything's fine, she knows she is suicidal, they are working on it, thanks for calling

A month later they tell me they are non-binary, and that their name is now Ash. I am shocked. I ask them if I could still refer to them in the female. They say that in hebrew, yes, but to use "they" in english.

Their messages get less frequent

2 months later I get a call from her mom. They tell me she tried to suicide. she took an overdose of pills, and then called the hospital on herself. She is fine, but she is put in the mental hospital for the time being. No phone contact

3 months later, I get a text. "Hi, sorry for being distant, I got my phone back, for a while. I wanted to tell you that the reason I called the ambulance is that I didn't want you to be hurt, or for my cat to be hurt"

They don't respond to any of my texts. I send them memes, and drawings, and get-well-soons. I pray for them every night. I get the occasional text, once a month roughly. "ha ha", "nice one", "use the masculine next time or this will be the last time I text". I didn't even know it bothered them

I finally changed their handle on my phone. I changed it to "Ash (male) GoodHuman". I knew their family name, of course, but it didn't matter, what mattered is that I miss the GoodHuman.

Then... a year passes, and a few months more, they haven't written a text in what seemed like forever.

"Hey david, sorry for ghosting you, It was too difficult responding, I love your texts, and I will try to text you more often"

so we continue to text. turns out, they cut their hair short. they switched to cargo pants and leather, no more blue hoodie. They wore a fedora now, and had new glasses

They had a new boyfriend.

I do not remember their name, I am afraid to go look if I'm honest. I don't like the guy, he seems way too controlling, and way too sure of himself, and way too... too dumb for them. But they were happy, and after the last couple of years, it's been good enough knowing that they were happy

They texted from his phone sometimes. he switched and talked to me sometimes.

I meant to sent her something by mail. I knew the city, but not the address, so I asked.

They told me "Oh didn't I tell you? My parents got divorced. My mom couldn't handle me being trans, my dad could. I live with him now"

They give me the address

It's so close. So absurdly close. Not in my city, but my city borders a field, and the field connects to another city. I lived on the entrance to the field, they lived on the other. Half an hour by bike.

So they invite me over, and I bike. I bike like mad, I didn't know the path, it didn't matter, I rolled through the thorns, they couldn't hurt me, we are about to meet again.

And we met, and we talked, and we watched a musical, and we played, and recited plays, and sand songs, and we riddled each other riddles, and we played philosophy, and it was suddenly like the old times came back.

I asked how was it going with the boyfriend. They told me they actually were polyamorous, and if I wanted, we could have sex right there and then, her father wasn't home.

I suddenly realized... the years have changed me. I say no.

It was getting late, so I went to take my bike and... the thorns punctured them. I didn't even think to look. I waited for their father to return to bring me home, and promised: next time in my house. They gave me an origami frog. I still have it

Their father came later. he drove me back, but by the time we got home, my mother asked where I've been.

I lied. My mother hated Ash, and still called them Ayala. I don't remember my lie, I am pretty sure she knew exactly what happened, but we never talked about that.

Stuff went well for a while, then...

We went into a gender studies discussion. It went as usual, then they said "yeah, but all men are rapists".

"I'm a man"

no comment

"Ash, I ask you to back down, this hurts me a lot"

They doubled down. I don't remember what they said. I remember I shed a tear for the first time since my grandma died and say "If you want to talk with me again, back down, if not, I will not engage again"

I assumed they'd back down in a day. In 2 tops. Every day I'd check the chat, still empty.

5 months later: "I am not backing down, but it shouldn't affect our relationship-"

I stop reading

I write some "professional speech" bs about me being able to accept an apology whenever they'd like, but I cannot continue like this, and wish them the best

This is the last message in our chat

Often I ask myself if I was too dramatic, If this was too much, If I should have accepted it for our friendship. I don't know the answer

This was a year ago. more, actually. They never came for the "next time in my house". The friends who keep in touch with both of us say they are still with the same boyfriend. they colored their hair. they are trying to pass school, but having a hard time with math.

I pray they are still okay

#david original #ayala #ash #personal

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pettyrevenge-base · 4 months ago

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I got revenge on a long time bully one the very last day of high school.

Hey yall. I (23F) had a high school bully that was quite frankly relentless since we were in 7th grade. Now I know that it was very immature what I did but it gave me a laugh knowing I'd never see her ever again. My elder sister came to visit and brought stinkbombs, not the kind that needed to be lit, or the sprays. This stink bomb was in a thick glass almost bullet shaped casing. All you do, is step on it or sit on it and the liquid inside practically inbeds itself into whatever object it touches before it dries. With the help of a friend, we were able to sneak it into the top small pocket of her bookbag. This is important to the story because she would always sit on her backpack since she didn't like the way the chairs/benches felt on her ads. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure. But on graduation day that's when we executed our plan and all we had to do was wait. They had us all in the gym to inspect our attire before the ceremony began. We'll little miss priss decided to sit on her bag while she was waiting and CRACK,BOOM ! The stinkbomb broke and seeped through the bag and onto her gown. She had to do the ceremony smelling like straight sewage. Unfortunately the poor people beside her were gagging and almost throwing up during the whole thing. She never found out it was me but seeing her embarrassment was satisfaction enough for me.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

#pettyrevenge #lol #omg

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arlana-likes-to-write · 2 years ago

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All I Want For Christmas is You

Summary: Kate Bishop does not want to be here. She hates going to her mother's Christmas Party. But she is surprised to see you, her best friend, ex-girlfriend. and someone she hasn't seen in 2 years. She wasn't expecting to learn the truth of her breakup with you. Like she said, she hated going to her mother's Christmas parties.

Warning: Past Sexual assault/rape, implied date rape/roofing, angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 2.6k

Kate sighed as she handed the coat checker her winter coat. The archer knew she had no right to complain, she had everything she wanted and needed in life. However, Kate hated going to her mother’s Christmas party. It was not her idea of a good time. She hated dressing up and having awkward conversations with someone that wasn’t her age. But as heir to Bishop Security she had to show her face or she would not hear the end of it from her mother. Kate immediately walked over to the bar. She was going to need at least 3 drinks to make it through tonight. “Kate,” her mother said, appearing next to her. “It’s nice for you to finally join us.” The archer had to suppress a sigh. The party started 45 minutes ago. “You look nice.” She was wearing a simple black suit with her red bow tie being the only pop of color.

“So do you,” The CEO was wearing a simple green dress. The bartender set down Kate’s drink in front of her. Eleanor gave her daughter a look. “What? Alcohol is the only thing that’s going to get me through some of these conversations.” Eleanor sighed, waving down the bartender.

“You are not wrong.” Kate smirked. “Guess who sent in their RSVP rather last minute.” Kate had no clue. “The L/n’s.” Eleanor waited for Kate to take a sip before telling. The archer choked on her drink, causing a small coughing fit. The CEO rubbed her back to help her.

“Are you serious?” She asked once she calmed down. Eleanor nodded. “Shit.” The L/ns were a revival security and technology company. Behind the success of the company was you, the eldest daughter of the L/ns. You had an IQ that could be compared to Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. You also happened to be Kate’s ex-girlfriend. The archer hasn’t spoken to you in 2 years. “Why did you invite them?”

“You know the saying,” her mother said. “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” Eleanor turned around to face the party. “And here they are.” Kate turned around and her jaw dropped. You were wearing a red long sleeved dress that went down to the floor. The dress had a deep V-line and a thigh split. “You're starring, sweetheart.” Eleanor said, walking over to you and your parents. You smiled at the CEO, you were ever the professional when it came to events like this. Eleanor began to talk with your parents and you looked around the room finding Kate right away. You seemed just as surprised to see her as well. You said something to your mother and walked over to the bar. Kate sighed and turned around.

“I’m surprised that you are here.” You said, leaning against the bar as you waited to order your drink. “You were never a fan of these types of parties.”

“I could be saying the same thing to you.” You smiled. Kate hated herself that your smile still made her heart flip.

“You look good, Kate.” The bartender placed a Moscow mule in front of you. You took a sip of your drink.

“So do you.” You picked up your drink and touched Kate’s shoulder.

“I’ll see you around.” You left before Kate could respond.

“Yeah see ya.” The archer sighed and took a big sip of her drink. You and Kate were childhood friends both going to the same elementary and middle school. Until your parents pulled you out to homeschool you in 7th grade. It wasn’t until 9th grade that Kate realized that her feelings for you were more than just platonic. You dated for 4 years then a picture was sent to Kate of you at a party while she was away at an archery competition of you cheating on her. That was 2 years ago. She downed the rest of her drink and ordered another one. It was going to be a long night.

You were not paying attention to the conversation that was happening around you. You knew you should be as you were sitting with possible business partners, investors, and competitors. But your mind was on the heir of Bishop Securities. She was standing with Eleanor, as her mother was doing a majority of the speaking. You sighed and picked up a piece of cheese to eat. You missed her. You don’t even remember what happened between you and the archer. She stopped returning your calls and texts, you gave up. “I’m going to get some air.” You said to the table and stood up, walking outside to the balcony. The crisp air of the city caused goosebumps to form on your skin. You leaned up against the railing and looked over the city. You did not want to be here but you had an image to uphold.

“You are going to get sick.” You heard Kate say behind you. You didn’t respond as she moved to stand next to you.

“I can’t imagine why you care.”

“I’ve never stopped caring about you,” You laughed bitterly.

“Then why did you ghost me?” You asked, looking at your ex. “You just stopped talking to me. She glanced at you briefly but looked away.

“You made it pretty clear that you wanted nothing to do with me?”

“What-what are you talking about?” You questioned. She shook her head.

“You know what it’s not important.” She mumbled. “I hope you have a great Christmas.” Kate turned to walk back into the party but you grabbed her arm, stopping her.

“Katie, please.” She let out a shaky breath.

“Thomas Signorelli’s party. I was in California for archery,” You dropped her arm. You remembered the party, you were invited but you didn’t want to go because you wanted to watch Kate’s competition. The plan was for you to join her in California but your parents told you couldn’t go because you had to prepare for an upcoming investor meeting. The archer turned to face you. “I got a text from you saying you were going to go with Allison,” you nodded, licking your dry lips. Right, it was coming back to you.

“Kate, what happened at Thomas’ party?” You asked. Her eyes widened.

“Do you not remember?” You shook your head.

“I remember getting a text from Allison.” You started. “I took a cab to her hotel room to get ready and her driver drove us to the party.” Your heart began to pound as Kate took a tentative step towards you. “I had a drink, maybe two and we left.” You weren’t sure about that last part. “I woke up in Allison’s hotel room.” Kate said your name but it was muffled as if you were drowning underwater. Why couldn’t you remember? You were sitting on Thomas’ couch watching Kate on your phone. He and his friend, David, sat next to you to watch Kate’s match.

“Y/n,” Kate’s voice pierced through the fog. “Sweetheart, you have to breathe for me.” You didn’t realize you were hyperventilating. She touched your arms but you flinched away.

“I-I have to go,” you pushed past the archer and walked back into the party. You heard Kate call after you pushed past the party goers and walked to the bathroom closing the door behind you. You were thankful that no one was in there. You sat in a chair and covered your face with your hands. “What did they do to me?” You mumbled. You heard the door open and lock. “I don’t know what happened, Kate.” You said, looking up. Kate frowned as she knelt down in front of you. “But I think it was bad.” She nodded. “Do you know?” She nodded again.

“They sent me a picture and videos.” She whispered. “I didn’t know you didn’t consent to it.” You felt the color drain from your face. The little food in your stomach mixed with the alcohol started to flip. You were going to be sick. You pushed Kate out of the way and emptied your stomach in the toilet. Kate moved next to you instantly, pushing the loose hair out of your face. You fell back, tears were running down your face and your mouth tasted terribly. Kate wet a paper towel and whipped your face.

“I would never cheat on you. I’d-”

“Sh,” Kate said, nodding her head. Part of you was a little upset she believed it, but the evidence was complaining. “I’m sorry. Right now, I’m going to talk to your parents and my mom and we are going to get out of here.” You nodded. The archer stood up but you grabbed her arm.

“You’ll come back, right?” You asked. Kate smiled, kissing the top of your head.

“I’ll be back.”

Kate came back as she promised and she guided you out of the party through a side door and into a car. You weren’t sure where Kate was taking you but you trusted her. You were drained, your head fell onto Kate’s shoulder and you closed your eyes.

“Sweetheart,” Kate gently woke you up. “We’re here.” You opened your eyes and saw Kate’s apartment. You nodded and got out of the car, holding onto Kate’s hand. She led you up the stairs and into her apartment. “We’ll get some clothes for you to change into.” Being in the archer’s room after so many years not being in it was strange. You sat on her bed as she went to her closet. She pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, a combo you always steal from her. “Do you need help changing?” She asked, handing you the clothes. It wouldn’t be the first time she saw you naked but the idea made your skin crawl. You shook your head.

“Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course.” You walked to her bathroom and closed the door behind you. You got the dress off as quickly as you could and put on the clothes Kate gave you. It smelt like her and gave you a sense of peace. You washed the makeup off your face and washed your mouth with mouthwash. You stared at your reflection in the mirror and hated what you saw. You were the smart one, with an IQ that rivaled the likes of Tony Stark. You created a multimillionaire dollar company by the time you were 15. This wasn’t supposed to happen to you. You sighed and left the bathroom. Kate was sitting on her couch scrolling through her phone.

“Hey,” she said, putting her phone away. She changed out of her suit into a love sleeve and shorts. “How are you feeling?” You shrugged.

“Better, I guess.”

“What can I do?” She asked.

‘Go back in time to stop this from happening.’

‘Don’t leave me.’

‘Convince my parents to let me go with you to California’

You weren’t sure. “Can I have a hug?” You asked instead. She opened her arms and you walked over to her, crawling onto her lap. Her arms wrapped around you tight. You choked back a sob, biting down on your lip. Kate ran her fingers through your hair and down your back.

“It’s okay,” Kate whispered. “I got you. I’m not going anywhere. Never again.” The dam broke and you cried against her shirt. And cried. And cried.

Kate was a lot of things. Some called her the world’s greatest archer but right now as you cried against her she felt like a jackass. She had half the mind to go find Henry and kick his ass but right now she let you cry and cry. She’d hold you as long as you needed. Soon your breathing even out and soft snores left your stuffy nose. Kate smiled and gently lifted you up and carried you to her room. She laid you down and tucked the blanket around you. The archer wanted to climb in next to you and cuddle up against you. But she wasn’t sure if you wanted that. Two years have passed and Kate never stopped loving you. She went on dates after dates and slept around but nothing stopped the ache in her heart. Kate sighed, going to leave her room. “Katie,” your soft voice stopped her in your tracks. “Stay please.” The archer smiled and climbed in next to you. You rested your head on her chest.

“Sleep, tomorrow will be better.”

You were surprised to wake up to an empty bed since Kate was never a morning person. You sat up and stretched your arms above your head, hearing your shoulders pop. You glanced at the nightstand and saw a water bottle and a bottle of aspirin. Gods, you were still in love with Kate Bishop. You took the aspirin to quiet the pounding in your head. You went to go find the archer. She was sitting at her dining room table hunched over her computer with breakfast and the radio was playing Christmas music. It was a sight you were so used to seeing when you were together. “Did you finally learn how to use the kitchen?” You asked. The archer jumped not expecting to hear your voice. You rolled your eyes at your ability to sneak up on her.

“No, I ordered food.” You sat down next to her.

“Good, so I know it wont give us food poisoning.” You joked. It was easy to fall back into this joking habit with her. She playfully pushed you on the shoulder and placed a food container in front of you. You opened it, smiling at your go to order after a long night; chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. “I missed this.” You confessed, pouring syrup over your pancakes. K ate was quiet as she typed away on her laptop.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said, closing the computer. “I’m sorry I believed them and cut you out of my life.” You cut into the pancake and watched the chocolate melt.

“I thought you knew me better than that.” You looked at her. “What did they say to you to make you believe I consented to it?”

“I lost in California,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “The first thing I did was call you but you didn’t answer. I guess news traveled fast of my loss and they sent me that picture and video saying that you were with a real winner and that you wanted nothing to do with me.” Kate sighed. “I got an earful from my mom and it all came crashing down.” You say tears forming in her blue eyes. “I never stopped loving you.” The radio began to play Maria Carey’s All I want for Christmas and you couldn’t help and think how cliche this was. “It was just hard to see your name and hear your voice to not think about that day.” You grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight.

“Don’t run away from me again.” You said, letting go of her hand.

“Again.” She said slowly.

“I never stopped loving you.” You kissed her on the cheek. “Don’t mess it up.” You watched the heat rise to her cheeks but she smiled.

“I won't.” she kissed the side of your head. “Because all I want for Christmas is you, baby.” She sang horrible with Mariah. You rolled your eyes.

“Stop. Don’t make me regret it.” The archer laughed. Breakfast was eaten as you both caught up that the other missed in the past 2 years. You had a long way to go but you were glad to have your best friend by your side again.

#Kate Bishop x you #kate bishop x y/n #kate bishop x reader #hawkeye imagine #hawkeye one shot #hawkeye fanfiction #Kate Bishop #kate bishop imagine #marvel #Marvel AU #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine

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bassproblues · 6 months ago

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Butch: The Good, The Meh, and The Ugly

A recent girlfriend of mine asked me about what it was like being butch. I flat out told her that, while I wouldn't have it any other way, it comes with so many problems the positives are nearly negated. I spent some more time thinking about it and feel just a tad differently. I think I spoke from a place of clouded judgement and wasn't really taking in the sum of my life. Below is my experience with butchness. And I fully own I am unique or unusual in some ways.

The Good:

* No line ever in the men's restroom.

* My body finally feels like home.

* I connect with men very well over things downstream from masculinity; hobbies, interests, traumas, and more.

* I pass as a man. People ignore me and leave me alone.

* I love it when a girl calls me handsome :)

* I am stone. My stone melts when I'm with a woman I can trust to not feminize me in the bedroom. It's a truly wonderful thing.

* I love the masculine preening that comes with butchness.

* I love being chivalrous -- spending a night on a girls couch to protect her from her ex who trashed the place, giving a woman my last $200 to pay for groceries for her and her kid.

* I love making women feel safe. I'm the one that walks them to their cars, tell their boyfriends to bug off when they get aggro, stay up late with them cause they're worried about an ex.

* I've maxed out my masculine personality (things like assertiveness, stoicism) in such a way that it perfectly contrasts my feminine traits (things like joy, gentleness). I feel like very complete and whole person.

The Meh:

* I don’t mind being called sir or ma’am, nor he or she. Neither one is offensive to me because I know that people are limited in their understanding of me unless they know me intimately.

* Gay men often hit on me. It's a very bizarre experience.

* I walk into queer spaces and feel like a goddamn space alien.

* Women expect me to be the pursuer in relationships.

* Women often regard me as some kind of exotic full-time crossdresser (see: The Ugly). As a result, they think I've got more sexual experience and am way more sexually active than I actually am.

* As a very masculine butch, I spend a lot of time defending that masculinity. It is a source of contention among LGBT and straight people alike.

* I am stone. Women often regard me in the bedroom as something they can "fix.

* AFAB Non-binary people often regard me as a gender therapist that has endless patience. I am not-- I am annoyed and want to be left alone.

* Forms and IDs with gender markers are the bane of my existence. I'm often the ridicule of police/security/ bouncers/bartenders/government pencil pushers when they realize my appearance does not resemble my sex unless I'm stripped down.

The Ugly:

* Women will 100% scream and call security and start crying when I use the women's bathroom. I have not used the women's restroom in 6 years.

* Many (ignorant) lesbians reject me outright because of my masculinity and question why they would not just date a man if they were going to date a butch.

* Lesbians and bisexuals sometimes treat me like a rare, exotic, crossdressing sex object. They can be quite predatory sometimes.

* Women and men often write me off as an inherently aggressive entity.

* Pop-feminism thinks I need to be enlightened and I don't know what's good for me. It often feels like modern day feminists admonish butches for not being more feminine in the streets and in the bedroom.

* Women sometimes think I'm butch because someone touched me as a kid and I'd grow up to hurt their kids. I was in 7th grade when a woman first expressed this fear to me.

* Men sometimes see me as a challenge to be overcome or as a threat to their identity. I can count on being jumped a few times a year.

* I pass as a man. People don't like feeling deceived.

* Women sometimes dip into 'masculinity is a lack of expression’ and forget that butches have feelings.

* Lesbians sometimes often write me off as an oppressor or a chauvinist. It often feels like I have no voice in those spaces.

#butch #text #butch lesbian

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made-this-cause-why-not · 11 months ago

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Quick rant about ATYD because, the slander just does not make sense to me. It's not a perfect fic and people are allowed to not like it but some of the reasons for people not liking it are just so weird to me. Like- people don't like it because Sirius is sexist.... Sirius is a teenage boy. Do the people that say that hang out with teenage boys IRL? They are sexist and sometimes racists, pieces of shit- especially around their guy friends or girl they think 'are cool with it'. Also, it was the 70's. Like, do people not realize that a white, rich (like fully out of touch with reality, Billionaire with money dating back to the 15th century Rich), SEVERLY TRAUMATIZED cis guy from the 70's would be a piece of shit as a child. Like, as Sirius got older he would grow to regret all the fucked up stuff he said an take the time to actually apologize and stuff but we never saw that because he was 21 when he was imprisoned. He never even left his frat boy era. And then I have seen others be mad because they made Dorcas white. This is a complaint I have only seen from white people and as a Black mauraders fan, it literally does not matter. Like- Dorcas meadows is a character mentioned less than five times in the entire series, with her race being nothing more than a token black person that J.K shoved in The Order to prove it wasn't all white and that the HP world has diversity. Her being made white changes nothing in the plot. People also say that wolfstar is toxic in it, like this isn't a fic about two deeply traumatized boys with no role models or healthy relationships or base their own off of, other than Effie and Fleamont which they don't meet until they are like 13. Like, of course they are going to be toxic and fucked up- their entire lives have been fucked up. The only valid critique I have seen is the fact that the G word is used to describe the wolf packs. Granted, I didn't know that was a slur until 2021 or so, it's still a fucked up term to use. But yeah, I feel like people often say it's a bad work, which is fine if you just don't vibe with it, but the reasoning for not liking it makes me pause a little because 'what?'.

Edit: Forgot to say this but people also hate the characterization of Mary because she is oversexualized, to which I say: so is Sirius. Like, they are both sooooo fucking slutty and sleep around a bunch, the fact that people only talk about Mary in this light can be attributed to one of two things. Either A: grasping at straws, or B: Putting the weight on Remus's narration. Him being inexperienced for alot of his time as hogwarts would allow for any kiss or hookup seem like the end of the world for in his eyes and by reading with the grain I can understand that- but even then don't slut shame the black women and not the Black. "but mary lost her virginity at 14"- people get their sexual urges right as they hit puberty. Teens are horny. In the 7th grade my middleschool took an all day trip that used to be over night until two students got caught fucking in a cabin. 13 year old 7th graders. I am not saying it is right to loose your virginity at such a young age but it isn't unheard of.

Edit 2: Last edit I swear, but I just saw some one's post saying they didn't like how remus having a learning disability was for shits and gigs or that he did drugs and joined a gang. Firstly, remus having a learning disability is a beautiful metaphor for his lycanthropy and class. He is studying along side his friends, completely confused and just playing along to not give anything away. It doubles onto how isolated Remus must have felt and his whole problem with opening up to others. Also, the fact that Remus had to push himself so hard academically just to get the same grades as his rich friends who coast by on their name and the fact that they have been learning latin and french from tutors since they could walk- I mean, it's just chef's kiss. And, do people not realize that people in the real world do drugs? That a lot of people struggle with addiction and are more prone to said struggle when they grow up in a shitty environment with out learning proper ways to cope with the traumatic events? Remus was in a gang because he was surrounded by people who were in a gang- people who understood him more than James or Sirius did.

Like, I know that I can't really say this because I am a legal adult ranting on tumblr, but all of the slander just makes me want to tell people to go outside. Make friends irl- not mutuals. Touch grass, hand out with people you age. Like yes atyd isn't perfect but it was very much accurate to how real people would have been in the 70's and I personally prefer that to the babygirl-ification of every male character in Harry Potter to the points where they are almost caricatures of themselves

#atyd #mauraders era #had to get this off my chest #wolfstar #rant post #this is very long #sorry #I am just very heated when people have bad media literacy #is it obvious that I'm an english major?

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deadwar-arch · 8 months ago

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J.M. HEADCANON .

( warning for toxic relationships / controlling behaviors )

soap has been in only one (1) long term relationship in his lifetime and it wasn't good at all. he had a few flings before that never lasted and he's had several in present time that are usually just a hook up and gone the next day.

in 7th grade, john met jeremy barclay ; football (soccer) captain and popular. john was a punk teenager who was always getting into a bit of trouble, but was a straight a student nonetheless. jeremy wanted to get back at his parents for being such strict people and decided to start going out with john. not only did a gay relationship rock his parents to their cores, but john's choice in clothing styles doubled down on it. crop tops, the mohawk, the piercings, the makeup. john mactavish was a very sweet boy through and through, but they just couldn't get past that, and jeremy couldn't be happier about it.

please note that john was also in the process of transitioning at the time, and this did add-on to jeremy's parents' disapproval.

they're together from 7th grade and until john enlists in the military. the time in between seemed very sweet and good on the outside. jeremy seemed protective, and john was so much very in love with him. however, jeremy's "protectiveness" was a lot more than just that. he was jealous, possessive (not in the good way), and controlling. that being said, this is also all john ever really knew.

john couldn't go out with friends without him being there as well. he was always asking questions about every man john spoke with or was friends with. at some point, it caused a rift in some of john's friendships and they were broken off within a few months. john saw jeremy's actions as said, protective and looking out for him. john's mother saw right through it, but no matter what she said, john wouldn't hear it. he was in love and that was the end of it.

jeremy did get physical once ; grabbing john's arm a bit too harshly when he was talking to another man. he apologized, stating he was only worried and it got the better of him, and john accepted it.

for years, this continued and john saw it as normal behavior because he had gotten used to it. jeremy constantly asking where he is or where he's been, and when john happens to forget to tell him he's going out with friends, jeremy is giving him the silent treatment for several days after. john thinks it's his fault because he should've told him and he should've let him know just in case something happened.

their relationship ended on "good" terms when john enlisted and around that time, jeremy's parents decided they were all going to move away. jeremy didn't seem too broken up about it as john did, but they were over without a fight or argument, so john sees that as good terms.

---

this affects the way john is in relationships in both romantic and platonic settings.

that relationship kickstarted a great deal of anxiety. he is nothing but a people pleaser and is always trying to correct what he thinks he may have done wrong, even if he did nothing at all. in some ways, this also relates to his fear of abandonment.

when john is in a relationship, he's expecting the exact same as before. he's expecting the many questions, the i need to come with you in case something happens. it doesn't matter if he's physically able to take care of himself now. it's still there.

when it doesn't happen, he gets confused and the anxiety builds. he thinks it's a trick and most of the time, he just won't go. he'll cancel his plans because what if he's mad and doesn't want to tell me?

note that john is a possessive person himself, but not in a controlling way. he's more of the don't touch what isn't yours type.

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 1 year ago

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Wonderful World - Part 15^

FINALLY!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: some angst between our favorite couple 🥲

WC: 15.4K

Celeste was bummed out, she went straight to her room when she got home and got ready for bed before just looking over her phone and wondering if it was stupid to reach out to Ben. She wasn’t worried about not seeing him, she knew she’d see him at band camp in a few weeks, but whether she wanted to see him or not was the real question. She decided to text Geri to see if she was still up and willing to hear her out. Once she confirmed she called her and the line rang once before she answered.

“Hey.” Geri’s hushed voice sounded over the speaker, “What did you want to talk about?”

“It’s a Ben thing.” She said and Geri gasped.

“Oh, good did you get in touch with him? He asked me where you had gone off to because he saw you with Dr. Styles so he went to greet his cousins who had shown up and-” Celeste’s groan interrupted Geri’s speaking, “What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m an idiot.” Celeste said and Geri sighed.

“No, don’t say that.”

“It’s just that I saw Ben hugging a girl for like a long while and ummm…I thought it was another girl he was talking to so I just…bailed on him.” She explained and Geri winced.

“Ooh…OK that’s bad.” She said and Celeste whined.

“Don’t tell me that.”

“He seemed pretty bummed out. Have you tried talking to him?”

“No, I left him on read…I was upset, for no reason obviously…” she mumbled.

“Well maybe it’s not too late?” Geri consoled.

“He’s gonna think I’m so immature…” she groaned lowly and Geri sighed.

“Well this is kind of the first person who you’ve had a really serious crush on, you know? Tyler from 7th grade doesn’t count!” She said and Celeste laughed, “If he doesn’t want to try to go out with you after this well then you at least learned something right?” Geri asked her and Celeste huffed.

“Yeah, I guess so…”

“Just apologize for the mix up. Ben’s nice, I’m sure he’ll understand.” Geri assured her.

“Yeah…ugh, I’ll try at school tomorrow. Best thing to do during the last day I guess.”

“Our last day as freshmen…” Geri reminded and Celeste grinned.

“That’s true! Are we still going to get ice cream after?”

“Of course! It’s tradition, my mom said she’ll pick us up around 3:15 so we have time to say goodbye to our friends.”

“Cool. Well thanks for hearing me out, Geri. And for your advice.” Celeste said with gratitude.

“Of course, what are best friends for?” She asked and Celeste smiled.

*********

After she’d gotten home from that dinner with Celeste and Harry Diana’d started to reserve the spots for her and Harry’s vineyard date on Saturday evening. She was excited to spend time with him one on one and to sing and dance along to the swanky jazz music that just itched the right spot when it came to her live music preferences. She knew he was eclectic in his tastes and was sure that he would at least appreciate the musicianship of it if he didn’t really like the genre. She was excited that he had agreed to this because she really wanted to show him her intent to move forward. They’d kind of jumped the gun and confessed their actual feelings for each other, but this was her reassuring him that she wanted to have more with him.

Diana also wanted to talk to someone about how this affected Celeste. Was it even a good idea to talk to her about it yet? Would she ever stop feeling guilty for forcing a change in the dynamic for Harry? Would Celeste be so hurt that she’d resent her forever? There was a lot up in the air and she needed to make sure that she wasn’t risking so much for just a man. But Harry wasn’t just a man, he was a man. Mature, responsible, kind, intelligent, patient, funny, open minded, hot as fuck. So unbelievably hot that she was surprised her saw wasn’t literally on the floor when she first met him. He made her feel things she hadn’t felt in ages. She felt like herself around him. She felt happy around him. He made her feel so abundantly happy. She knew she deserved it, she had been patiently waiting her turn. And truly, in the depth of her soul, she had a feeling that he was everything she had been waiting for. She didn’t want to miss him.

*********

The next morning at school most students were just cleaning out their lockers for the end of the year. They didn’t really do much in terms of class, they had the chance to meet with the guidance counselors and advisors if needed and mostly just had activities that they could get through the day and well, the seniors did their final rehearsal for graduation, so there were plenty of people roaming the halls in their high heels to get accustomed to the feeling. Celeste hadn’t seen Ben yet, so after lunch she decided to go to the band room to see if maybe he was in there and thankfully he was. He was taking apart the drum kit and storing it away for the summer.

“Hey.” She said with a wary smile as she approached him and he looked a bit confused.

“Hi, ummm…I tried calling you yesterday? Did something happen?” He asked and she sighed and looked away from his eyes out of sheer embarrassment.

“Yeah ummm, first off I’m really sorry for bailing on you and leaving you hanging that wasn’t cool of me.” She said, “But ummm, when I went to look for you I saw you hugging a girl and I thought that maybe you were with her or whatever and I got upset-”

“That was probably my cousin, she’s visiting from Costa Rica.” He explained and she nodded.

“I know. Geri mentioned something about that to me and I just…jumped to conclusions and I’m really sorry about not saying anything to you. It was…immature.”

“just a bit.” He said with a small smile and she felt her face go red as she shook her head, “It’s alright, we’ve all been there before, Celeste.” He assured her and she glanced back up into his eyes and he was already looking at her. “And like, it’s good you bailed because I was actually not expecting my cousins to visit and so I ended up spending time with them and will probably be busy the next few weeks.”

“Are you still going to camp?” She asked.

“Yeah, they leave the day after we leave so it works out.” He said and Celeste smiled.

“That’s good that you get to spend time with them.” She smiled and he nodded.

“Yeah. What about you? Any family visits or vacations before band camp?” He asked and she shook her head.

“No, ummmm…it’s just my mom and I. My uncle doesn’t have kids yet so ummm, no cousins for me.”

“Oh? And…y-your dad’s side of the family?” He asked cautiously and she shook her head.

“I don’t actually know them. He died before I was born so there’s never really been any relationships with them.” She explained and he frowned a bit.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” He apologized and she shook her head.

“It’s OK.” She assured with a small smile, “I like…miss him sometimes but it’s not I’m sad about it because I never knew him, you know?” She said as she came a bit closer.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” He responded.

“Do you want some help?” She asked and he smiled at her.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not, just tell me what to do because I’ve only ever done this one time at that was in middle school.” She reminded and he chuckled.

“Yeah, here.” He said coming a bit closer to demonstrate, “Oh ummm, we’re good right?” He asked her before he showed her how to take apart the drum kit, “Like, you still…like me and I still…like you?” He asked and she blushed but nodded.

“Yeah.” She responded timidly and he smiled.

“OK, sick.” He responded softly and she laughed softly, “Ummm, OK, so this is what you’re gonna do…” he started explaining how to take apart the cymbals and place them in the cases.

Celeste was so glad that she had cleared things up with Ben and that he wasn’t upset at her. They talked a bit more about what he’d be doing with his cousins and he assured her that they could definitely hang out at camp since it wouldn’t really be possible the next two weeks as his cousins were visiting from so far away. But she was OK with that, it would give her time to not get too in her head about this. She’d be going to Catalina for the weekend with Geri’s family and they could talk about this all they wanted without her mom hearing things before she was meant to. She wouldn’t have a therapy session until the week before camp and she was still debating on whether or not to talk to Dr. Styles about Ben, she knew that he now knew that she at least liked him, but not the extent of it. And well…she could just tell her mom. She hadn’t been too alarmed when she brought up the question about dating, but she also didn’t want to ask her mom about kissing and boyfriends in depth. Not yet at least. She’d just…figure it out along the way and hope she made a friend at camp who hopefully had a bit more experience thank her.

*********

The rest of the week completely flew by and Harry had spent a large part of those next few days mulling over Dr. Hsu’s offer, he was very interested in that faculty position but he had just started his practice and it had been going pretty well for him. The more he thought about it, the more he came to terms with the fact that he wasn’t ready to let it go. Not yet at least. He was definitely interested in teaching more classes for the university, but his gut told him to not sign on as a faculty member just yet. He just wanted to give it another day or two to sit with the feeling of his current decision. When his alarm rang he stretched before he got up from his chaise. He’d been taking in a bit of sun before getting ready for his date at the vineyard with Diana.

He couldn’t help the smile on his face as he cleaned his body and washed his hair. After drying off he headed straight for the mirror and washed his face and then considered shaving off all of the scruff along his jaw and over his lips. But he was liking it right now, he liked the look so he decided against shaving and just got to his skin care. He was particular as he dried and styled his hair. And then as he rubbed a bit of his cologne scented hair/beard oil into his hands and then into hair, taking care to work the excess into his scruff and down his neck. He smirked as he just smeared the last bit into his bit of chest hair. And then he was off to get dressed. The weather was warm, but he knew it’d get cool up in the mountains. As he sifted through his outfit options he ended choosing an olive green suit paired with a thin black, graphic-tee, and some black dress shoes. He considered something a bit more tame, but he he wanted a pop of color because he recalled that she enjoyed seeing him in colors. His colors were usually bright and this suit, with it’s deep tone made it feel more like an evening look. He got into it and hurried to his mirror to look over the outfit and smiled to himself. He felt good, he liked the look and decided to stick with it. When his phone dinged he knew that Diana would be on her way. So he got on his cologne and brushed his teeth again before hurrying to get his shoes on.

He felt all fluttery inside because this was in fact their first real date, she had asked him because she wanted to go out with him. Harry perked up when his door bell rang and he hurried to the kitchen to grab the bouquet of white anemones he had purchased for her. He hurried to open it up and smiled wide when he saw her beaming with her own arrangement in hand. They both laughed and he moved aside to let her in.

“That’s a nice one.” He said and she giggled.

“Thanks, I was hoping you’d like it. And those flowers are beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like them.” He smiled, “Ummm, let’s put these down and head out, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” She agreed and she followed him to his kitchen where he set down his arrangement and then stooped down to one of the cabinets to get a vase out for her flowers. He turned around to get some water in it and she leaned onto the counter and just looked him over with a distant and lustful gaze. The slim fit of the suit showed the tapered shape of his figure, his back was so broad. She even blushed as she looked him over and just glanced down at the rings on her fingers instead. She then felt his own gaze devouring her and she flickered her eyes up and smirked as he set the vase down, eyes focused on hers with his bottom lip bitten between his teeth.

“Fuck, look at you.” He laughed softly in total awe and she looked away with burning cheeks. “Show me.” He insisted and she pushed herself off of the counter and he grabbed her hand as she straightened out her black dress. He smiled as he took her in and then smiled up at her, “Perfect.”

“You look really good too. Like this color on you.” She complimented and he smiled.

“Thanks. I remember you said you liked some of my more colorful stuff so I…uh chose it.” He said and she smiled.

“I know that we haven’t even made it to our first date, but can I kiss you?” She asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah.” He hummed, “You can kiss me.” He smirked and she gripped the back of his neck with her right hand and pulled him down as she arched up into him as their lips met in a gentle kiss. It was just a few seconds long and then she pulled away.

“Thank you.” She whispered as their noses nudged, “We should go.” She said and he hummed in agreement.

Moments later they were on the road and heading up towards the vineyard up in the mountains near the beach.

“What’s Celeste up to this weekend?” Harry asked.

“She’s spending the next three days with Geri and her family, they went to Catalina Island.” She informed and Harry hummed.

“Sounds like fun.”

“Oh yeah, I went with them last year and it was a lot of fun.”

“Why didn’t you go this year?” He asked her and she smiled.

“I’m teaching a summer class come Monday and I just need to get everything ready over the weekend.” She explained, “Also, I made plans with you before they told me about their plans so ummm…yeah.” She smiled at him before turning back to the road.

“Well I know spending time with Celeste is important to you, I would’ve understood.”

“I know, but ummm…I also want to show you that this is important to me too.” She said and then bit her lip before turning to him quickly as they braked behind a line of cars along the 101, “You’re important to me.” She said more plainly and he smiled.

“Well thank you. I ummm…you’re important to me as well.” He said bashfully and she smiled before turning back to the road.

“I wanted to ask you something…” she said after a few minutes and he hummed, urging her to continue, “So I definitely need a little bit of help figuring out how to talk to Celeste about my feelings about my love life and how to address her concerns when I get to have that conversation with her and ummm…I want to talk to my therapist about it, but like…what would be the point if I lied about it?” She said and he chuckled.

“Right.”

“Right!” She smiled, “Like…I also don’t want to get you in trouble so I wanted to ensure that like I can talk to my therapist about us without there being any repercussions towards you. So do you think it’ll be an issue?” She asked nervously.

“I mean…yeah. Well it’s really not allowed…like I could…I could get into serious trouble and potentially lose both of my licenses to practice for dating a client’s family member because it’s never justifiable to potentially harm a client by putting my own wants or needs first.” He explained and she sighed.

“Oh…like I just knew it was not a good idea and unprofessional at the very least, I hadn’t really looked up the…actual ruling of it.”

“Yeah, I mean ACA recommends a 5 year gap between romantic relationships with a therapist who’s treated your family member, whereas other associations might say it’s less time, but ummm, most of us go by what ACA says, so yeah. It ummm…it wouldn’t be good for me at all and well, I don’t think your therapist could withhold from reporting that to the board because it’s more likely that something like this causes harm to the patient than not, you know? If she’s a good therapist she would say something.” He told her and she frowned, “And it’s not like I didn’t know that, but like I can’t help what I feel and I just really hate to think about it so I pushed it aside and I should’ve been more honest with you from the start.” He said and she nodded.

“Yeah, I get that.” She responded softly, “I’m sorry too if anything I ever did pushed you to break those rules or persuaded you to-”

“I did it all on my own, love. I’m pretty sure I’ve been the one pursuing you this whole time.” He said and she shook her head.

“I could’ve at least pretended to have some resolve so ummm…it’s on both of us. I mean…do you think anything about us has caused harm to Celeste?” She asked with concern, her eyes focused on the road.

“Mostly when we weren’t on speaking terms or something.” He said, “She perceived it more as like a lack of interest in her on your end when in reality it was just that we didn’t want to see each other.” He said and she bit her lip as her heart sank.

“Right…ummm, maybe lets not talk about this now.” She said as she turned to him briefly and he nodded.

“Yeah, another time.” He assured and she nodded and they went quiet as they both just started to think about what the hell they were even doing.

Harry felt bad now, he could see just how much this worried Diana. They could pretend all they wanted and they could choose to believe that there would be a good way to do this, but in reality all that they knew right now was that Celeste wasn’t ready for Diana to date and she wasn’t interested in finding another therapist. He had a duty to Celeste until she decided that he wasn’t the clinician for her. And well, Diana couldn’t be selfish with this, she’d said it many times before. It was unfair the way that life dangled someone so perfect in front of their faces and then placed only the biggest obstacle known to the universe between them. And this was an obstacle of gargantuan scale. Harry could very well lose both of his licenses if someone were to find out about this. If that happened he wouldn’t even have anything to fall back on because he for sure wouldn’t be able to work at the university with something like that on his record.

The silence between them seemed to confirm the thing they both feared the most, but the one thing that they knew was for the best. What a depressing first date, he thought to himself, to know that everything was over before it even started. Neither of them had to say it, the tense silence between them was deafening and just like that, the exciting promise of what the evening had in store for them had dissolved into nothing. When they arrived Diana parked her car and turned to him with welled up eyes and he frowned.

“Hey, don’t cry.” He said softly and she bit her lip and shook her head.

“Why are we even here? It’s so pointless!” She vented as she reached into the console and dabbed under her eyes with a napkin and he smiled sadly.

“Because we wanted to try.” He said to her and she exhaled shakily.

“If I had known that you could literally lose your livelihood I never would have even tried to befriend you!” She said with some panic and he shook his head.

“That’s not your fault. I want you. Me. I decided.” He said and she shook her head.

“You’re really stupid for that, you know?” She sniffled as she looked at him and he smiled at her and shrugged.

“I know. I’ve just never felt like this before and I can’t help but give into this feeling that I have when I think about how good everything could be.” He said and she nodded.

“I know…I just…won’t be the reason you have to give up the work you love so much.” She said resolutely and he nodded.

“Right, I also think about Celeste often and how this would go with her…I know how she feels about this and like…it would hurt her so much if she found out I’m the person who’s seeing you behind her back.” She nodded as she listened to him with so much sadness in her heart.

“This fucking sucks.” She whispered with pain and he nodded.

“I know, baby.” He responded softly, “Let’s just ummm…let’s just break the rules one last time, OK? I know you’re very excited about this and you took the time to plan it and we’re gonna have a good time, OK?” He said and she nodded to get herself to believe that she was fine and that her heart didn’t feel like it’d just been dropped into a vat of acid.

“OK.” She responded and just exhaled harshly before unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car.

Harry followed suit and soon he was offering his hand to her and she was intertwining their fingers together as they followed some other couples to the main building. After checking in they were led to a gorgeous table outside, they were seated right by the dance floor and had an excellent view of the stage. The lights outside and the decor of the place was gorgeous and romantic. Their table even had a little notecard with their names embossed in gold into the thick paper. He turned to her and offered her a smile and as much as she tried to return the gesture he could see the sadness swimming in her eyes. She’d put herself out there, he knew it was hard for her to even do that and despite her best efforts she was not even close to getting what she wanted and that hurt and it was disappointing, he knew it was. It hurt him too.

“Hey.” He appealed to her softly and she turned to him.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know the repercussions could be that serious.” She said to him, “And now I kind of feel like…what’s the point, I guess?” She said and he frowned a bit. He wanted to tell her that the point of it all was that they loved each other and that somehow, some way they’d make it work, but he couldn’t guarantee that.

“Yeah, that’s fair. I should’ve been more straightforward about that before.” He said and she sighed, “I’m really sorry.” He apologized again and she shook her head.

“You don’t need to apologize. And I’m not upset at you, I’m upset at myself for being so…naive and like…careless I guess with this.” She said sadly and after a beat of silence she turned to him with a slight smile, “Well now that our evening is ruined.” She said with a slightly joking tone and he chuckled.

“It doesn’t have to be. We can just…pretend it’s not.” He suggested and she glanced down at her hands in her lap.

“I think that would hurt more tomorrow.” She glanced up at him with glossy eyes again and he nodded.

“Yeah. You’re right.” He said softly. And when the band came out on stage moments later everyone started clapping and cheering, but for them it just felt like a personal attack to their situation. Like the point of all of this was just for them to get hurt.

Diana really wanted to make the most of it like Harry had said before they got out of the car, but seeing the other couples swaying to the romantic jazz music playing, having soft conversations over their wine, looking at each other with adoration, sharing their meals…it just felt so unfair. She wasn’t upset at Harry for just wanting to be loved as well, especially after he’d been cheated on, but clearly, this wasn’t as meant to be as she thought it was. That was the only way she could rationalize the obstacles. Why couldn’t things just be easy for once? Why did there have to be layers of complications over everything in her life? Why was she burdened with so much love and feeling and have no one to share it with? She abruptly stood from the table and grabbed her cloth napkin and walked off into the garden, she just needed a bit of alone time to get it together.

“Di?” She heard Harry’s voice after a minute and she let out a shaky breath.

“J-just a minute.” She responded as she dabbed under her eyes to prevent the tears from streaking her makeup. She heard him coming closer and she furrowed her eyebrows, “I just need a minute!” She called back again as she started to cry a bit more and then she felt his warm hand over her shoulder before he draped his jacket over her shoulders and that seemed to do her in because she just curled in on herself and started sobbing.

“I hate this. I hate my life so much, Harry.” She whimpered and he frowned and sat beside her. “Why am I always stuck?!” She asked rhetorically, “Why am I always last? Why am I on the back burner of the universe’s fucking list of priorities? Why can’t I just have something that I want? Just once?” She asked and he shook his head as his own tears fell silently.

“Baby, I don’t know.” He responded softly as he reached for her hand and she let him take it and intertwine their fingers.

“You know that I can’t do this because I love you, right?” She asked and more of his tears fell as he heard the words he knew were coming.

“Yeah.” He responded softly and sniffled. “And ummm, I really love you, but I also really love Celeste…” he said softly and she turned to him upon him saying that, that’s all she had ever wanted, for someone to love her and her daughter, “I could never forgive myself if I hurt her because I was being selfish.” He said softly, “You guys mean the world to me, Di. You have to know that. Like…I felt so…empty before. And you two came along and filled a void that I had given up on trying to fill. I also can’t risk driving a wedge between you two or to cultivate any mistrust or resentment.” He explained, “And like…I don’t see how we can have us without at least one of these things being impacted.” He said sadly.

“I know.” She sighed in defeat. They sat there for a bit, listening to the music from afar, holding hands and just basking in the beautiful potential before the vision completely disappeared. “I ummm…I think I just want to go home.” She said softly after the song playing ended and they heard the applause from the diners on the other side of the hedge. They stood from the bench they were on and just then they started playing a Chet Baker song, “It’s Always You” and Harry stopped.

“Let’s have a dance? I love Chet Baker.” He asked softly and she smiled up at him despite her tearful eyes and she nodded.

“I love him too. And I love this song.” She responded as she rested against his chest and they swayed quietly to the beautiful melody being sung so easily. And she smiled when the trumpeter took his solo. Harry held Diana close and chanced a glance up at the emerging moon in the sky as the sky got darker and darker by the minute. He knew the song would be over very soon and the bubble would burst. He pulled back a bit and grabbed her face and as their eyes met she leaned closer and he kissed her softly and slowly, trying to show her everything he felt with that kiss. It got teary quickly and as the song ended and people cheered for the classic, they pulled apart with hesitation. The last bit of light was used to just look into each others eyes for just another moment.

“Ready to go?” He asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go.” She confirmed and they let go of each other and just walked back to their table. She grabbed her bag and then she led them back to the main building.

“Do you want me to drive?” Harry asked her as they made it out and she shook her head.

“I’m alright.” She assured him and he nodded. It did surprise him that she reached for his hand, but he held it tight as they made the drive back. It was nearly an hour drive and there was very minimal conversation, they were just with each other. “Are you hungry at all?” She asked as the neared their exit.

“Ummm, not really. Are you?”

“No.” She confirmed, “So just ummm…straight home?” She asked before she clenched her jaw a bit and he nodded.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He said before letting go of her hand to grab his phone from his pocket since it had started to vibrate. He huffed when he saw it was just a spam caller and he ignored it before setting it back down, but when he glanced over to grab her hand again she had it on the steering wheel now. It hurt so bad, he literally felt a weight in his chest. He hated to see her walls slowly going back up, but he needed to do it too. He just needed to guard himself for a bit because this one hurt so much more than he though it ever could and it had barely been anything and well, that was terrifying.

As they pulled into his street the feeling started getting worse, but there was nothing that he could do to change this. It just wasn’t in the stars and he needed to accept that. As she pulled into his driveway she put the car in park and unbuckled herself to give him back his jacket.

“Here’s this.” She said with a soft smile.

“Yeah, thanks. You really do look so remarkable tonight.” He smiled.

“You too, Harry.” She responded and he sighed.

“We’re doing the right thing.” He said and she nodded in agreement.

“We are.” She said with certainty and with that he stepped out of her car. He really just wanted to plop into bed and sulk for the rest of the weekend. He was just making sure he had everything in his pockets when she rolled the window down.

“Harry?” She called to him and he peeked in, “Thank you for what we did have. I haven’t felt so happy in a long, long time.” She said to him with gratitude.

“Neither have I.” He responded with a smile and with that he backed up and let her back out. He waved one last time before she took off and the rage that he felt building up inside of him was unlike anything he had ever experienced. As soon as Harry got inside he slammed the door loudly and kicked off his shoes haphazardly before groaning in frustration. She was the love of his life he knew it, so why wasn’t it working? His anger became sadness and before he even realized it he was just sliding down the door and heaving through his sobs because this hurt more than he ever thought it could. And in his pain he just thought of her and admired her even more, she had been through so much worse and he couldn’t imagine surviving heartbreak after heartbreak, like her. He wanted to help her, not be another thing that broke her heart. He should’ve stopped himself, he knew better and now look how things had ended up. This was all his fault.

********

Diana distracted herself with setting up the modules for her Spanish class all weekend. Summer was hectic as their courses only lasted a month and in reality being this busy was a blessing in disguise because it would allow her to just fret over her online lectures and Celeste getting ready for band camp. Celeste was excited and even loved helping Diana sharpie her initials into all of her clothing item tags that she wanted to take with her. She did have an eventful week all on her own, but also with Celeste’s things.

Celeste had the bake sale in a few hours to help raise a bit more money for the camp fee for the students who needed a sponsorship. Diana had just finished her lecture so she made it out of her home office and drank some water before calling after Celeste to hurry down so they could head over to the Sprinkles store and buy the 3 dozen cupcakes she would be donating for the bake sale. As soon as they settled into the car they took off and Celeste started searching up music to play for the ride.

“You know who should open a bakery? Dr. Styles!” Celeste said with a big smile to Diana who felt her heart shrivel up at the mention of his name, but nonetheless smiled wide when Celeste brought him up.

“Oh yeah? It was that good?” She asked.

“It was amazing! Best cupcake I’ve ever eaten.” She recalled, “Hopefully he does that for all of my birthdays.” She said with a small smile and the thought of that made Diana’s stomach twist.

“God, how many birthdays are you planning to be in therapy?” She giggled and Celeste shrugged.

“I mean, you’ve been working with the same therapist since college right?” She asked her mom and Diana nodded.

“That’s true…” she confirmed and swallowed the lump that seemed to constantly work it’s way up in her throat at this point. It was a possibility for Celeste to want to continue working with him for a long time.

“I’m sure it won’t be every single year, but I’d go to him for as long as possible, it just feels like he really cares about me.” She said and Diana nodded as she listened, it was the truth. He cared about Celeste, loved her even, is what he had admitted to her. “I feel like it might be awkward to get to try and get to that stage with a new person. And I guess he never felt like a stranger, it just felt easy.” She explained.

“Well that’s great. It can definitely be awkward to get to that point of trust with a therapist, it typically takes a lot of time.” She explained.

“I bet.” She smiled, “So yeah, I mean, I’m thinking I’ll have a lifetime supply of delicious cupcakes.” She shrugged and Diana forced a smile again. “I’ll be sure to share it with you next year so you can see for yourself.” She smiled.

“Wow, thanks. So generous.” She giggled but the thought alone made her want to throw up.

“I know. Oh, I forgot to tell Dr. Styles about being gone for band camp for a month last time! I’ll tell him next week, please remind me.” Celeste said and Diana nodded.

“Yeah, of course sweetheart.” She agreed, completely forgetting that she still had to see him, but at least she wouldn’t have to after that for a whole month.

The bake sale had been going well, they had a great turn out and made enough to be able to help an 10 kids to get to the band camp, which was great! Diana was friendly with a few of the other moms that were there and they definitely provided a good distraction. Thankfully, she’d never had a bad experience with anyone for being younger or single so it was a great time chatting with them all and getting to see Celeste socializing with her friends. Soon enough she was helping clean things up a bit before they all took off.

Diana and Celeste had a good time eating dinner while they watched a show that Celeste really wanted to watch with her. So they got a few episodes in before they cleaned up and then they got ready for bed and Celeste joined Diana in her room as they waited for their face masks to dry as they continued watching the show. Diana just knew that as soon as Celeste was gone she’d get depressed.

**********

It was finally Thursday and Diana had just wrapped up her zoom lecture, reminding the students that their first exam would be the next week. She hung around in case anyone had questions, but after the last student logged out she closed the app and pulled up her portal to start to grade assignments. She was a couple in when her phone started ringing.

She glanced over and smiled when she saw Grace’s name.

“Hello?” She sang.

“Hey girl, how’s the week been?” She asked and Y/N sighed.

“It’s been…interesting. How about yours?”

“Pretty good. Ummm…I was calling you about plans for the weekend? As you know, it’s escape room day, but I really want to do something different. Maybe a paint room? Or a wreck room?”

“Oh ummm…would it be us?”

“Yeah, us and Henry, and Harry.” She cooed playfully. And while Diana’s lips twitched up at the mention of his name, her eyes grew dim and the joy she felt withered into sadness.

“Oh. Ummm, then maybe not.” She responded with a huff.

“Oh no…what happened?” Grace asked and Diana sighed.

“It’s…a lot.” She sighed.

“So?” Grace questioned and Diana sniggered.

“I just don’t want Celeste to overhear something.” She said softly.

“Gotcha. Well, lucky for you I’m down the street and come bearing some delicious Persian food…literally went downtown at this hour to pick up some Dream Kabob House because she knows it’s your absolute favorite…” she said and Diana chuckled.

“Celeste called you?” She asked.

“Yeah, she said you were acting weird? I don’t know what she meant by that, but she wanted us to have dinner and play games until she got picked up by her friend’s mom or something.”

“Yeah, they’re going to that Super Mario’s World thing or something tomorrow.” She explained.

“OK, well then good thing I have my bag packed! I was planning on spending the night with Henry…but I can postpone.” Grace said, “I mean, I will wear my cute lingerie to sleep because I’m not letting the outfit go to waste and you’re more than welcome to get dolled up with me…for bed of course.” She said and Diana chuckled.

“I think after spending the evening with me you’ll be asking me to borrow some yoga pants and a t-shirt.”

“That bad, huh?” Grace asked and Diana sighed.

“Yeah.” She hummed sadly.

“Well I hope you’re hungry for some comfort food.”

“I definitely am.” Diana chuckled.

“Is Dream Kabob House really your favorite or did Celeste play me? Because she neglected to tell me it was cash only and I had to pay nearly a $5 fee just to get you this food…” Grace added and Diana laughed.

“Yeah ummmm, it’s definitely a favorite.” She assured.

“Good. I’m turning into your street now.”

“OK. See you in a sec.”

“Yep!” Grace hummed before she hung up. Diana slipped into her slippers and headed out of her bedroom and knocked on Celeste’s door.

“Come in!” Diana heard her muffled voice and she opened up the door.

“All packed for tomororw?” She asked and Celeste nodded, “Perfect, auntie Grace is about to get here with the food.” Diana informed as she wandered into Celeste’s room. She had been practicing her guitar, as it was in her arms and her headphones were on, this set up was a gift from Damian about 2 Christmases ago so that Celeste could practice all she wanted and not be plugged into a loud ass amp.

“Oh OK, cool.” She smiled. Diana saw her close up a little journal and smiled.

“Are you trying to write songs?” She asked her and Celeste looked up with nervous eyes.

“Oh ummm…not really? I don’t know…”

“Well if you are I think that’s really cool and ummm, just practice a lot. Writing I mean, it’ll help you get better.” She smiled and Celeste looked a little shy about this but nodded. “Alright mamita, we’ll see you down there.” She said as she started to retreat.

“Ummm mom?”

“Yeah?” Diana asked as she turned back around.

“Are you OK?” Celeste asked and Diana frowned.

“What makes you think I’m not?” She asked her as she came closer.

“I don’t know…something just feels…different about you? Like you’re kind of…in your head a lot? I don’t know how to explain it…” she said and Diana sighed.

“Oh, I’m just stressed out. I’ve never had to teach a whole Spanish Language class in a month.” She said with furrowed eyebrows, she wasn’t lying because that had been very stressful, “I just ummm…I don’t know how well prepared students will be if they decide to CLEP it after they take this class. Like how much of a language can you actually learn in just a month?” She wondered.

“Well I only learned: Je m'appelle Céleste. J'ai quinze ans et j'aime jouer de la guitare et aller au cinéma avec mes amis - in the entire semester so…I would say not too much.” She said and Diana laughed loudly which made Celeste smile.

“I love you, kiddo.” Diana beamed and Celeste got her guitar off and hurried over to Diana and hugged her tight.

“I love you too, mom.” She hummed as she cuddled up to her.

And in this moment Diana didn’t feel as much hurt. She loved her daughter more than her own life, there wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to do to keep her happy and safe. Including staving off her own wants and needs at times, just for a little longer. It was a sad reality of motherhood, it’s not like you lost parts of yourself or neglected yourself, it’s just that until your kids were old enough to have their own lives your life revolved around preparing them for that and giving them good lessons and tools and experiences to help them start becoming their own person. It was a beautiful thing, to pour so much love and attention into someone and watch them start to take ownership of that and to make their own thing out of everything you’d given them. She would never regret her ability to be a mother. It was the best thing that had ever happened to her. They were in the middle of their embrace when they heard Grace open up the front door, she had her own key to their house.

“Food’s here!” She called loudly and Celeste giggled.

“Auntie Grace is kind of crazy.” She said and Diana cackled.

“Kind of? You can say it, we all know she’s completely bonkers.” She assured her and Celeste laughed as they made their way downstairs.

Their girl time had been really nice. It had helped lift Diana’s spirits, especially after her nice little moment with Celeste. She felt better about her decision, but she knew that as soon as Celeste was gone to camp the hurt would take over. It had to, she hadn’t allowed herself to really feel it all: the shattered sense of hope, the feeling like all of it had just been some delusional & out of reach thing that she never should have put any of her energy or heart into, her anger towards timing, and more importantly, how walking away from Harry felt so wrong to do. It felt like a mistake and that’s what made it so hard. She needed to grieve everything that they could’ve been, because if fate had been kinder to them she was sure that they would be the best family. However, for now she had to remind herself that they did the right thing. This was the right thing to do.

Celeste got picked up around 8pm and that left Grace and Diana alone to talk about what had actually happened. Grace made them some mixed vodka drinks with whatever she could find in Diana’s fridge and soon they were sitting out on her balcony as Diana just sobbed her eyes out about Harry and how their first official date had been completely wrecked by reality.

“-like I have no idea what I thought would happen? Maybe I was just subconsciously convincing myself to never look into it so that I wouldn’t feel bad about what could happen to him if someone found out! I don’t know…like…he could lose everything and Celeste would be so hurt…she would feel so betrayed, Grace!” Diana sobbed as Grace nodded and listened, “I just…I know that for right now this is the right thing to do, but it feels really wrong.” She sniffled, “Like…he’s everything I never knew I needed.” She said with a sad smile, “Literally the fucking best and I just…I’m in love with him.” She confessed quietly and Grace pouted as she heard this and then Diana started sobbing again.

Grace set her drink down and pulled Diana into her chest and just held her. Diana had already been through so much, it felt unfair for her to be subject to anymore inconveniences or pains like this. It broke Grace’s heart to see her best friend in this situation.

“I ummm, I need you to do me a favor please?” Diana sniffled.

“Yeah, anything.” She assured.

“On Monday can you take Celeste to therapy?” She asked and Grace frowned, “It’s still too fresh, I just…I can’t see him and keep it together and I also don’t want him to get upset and then it’s weird in session with Celeste, like…I just think it’d be best.” Diana said and she nodded.

“Of course I’ll take her.”

“Thank you. And just a forwarning, I’m like…holding it all in until she’s gone for camp. So ummm, if the next few weeks are just weird and I’m MIA just know I’m just going through it. I just really need to be sad about this before she’s back.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Grace assured, “I’ll check in a bit, OK?”

“Thank you.” Diana hummed.

“Course. What’re friends for?”

************

Harry was in a state. He showed up to the escape room via uber because he was already stoned. He assured them it was a sativa blend so he was ready for the escape room and sure enough, they completed the room in nearly 39 minutes.

Harry warded off a lot of his unwanted feelings via his intellect. He felt really good and smart and that helped numb a lot of things for him. He needed the stimulation to be distracted and unfortunately for him, his work week was slow. So he’d been writing a lot of stuff, poems and songs, he’d been reading and started writing articles and research papers for potential publishing. He just needed to be distracted and all of that had been going really well until they were at their usual bar and he found himself standing at the exact same spot of the bar where he had talked to Diana at the first time they had hung out together. He remembers her bashfulness and coyness, how her perfume just wafted around her and made him feel like he was floating on a cloud of her all evening; he had a girlfriend then. He remembers the urge to just touch and be closer to her. He remembers feeling invincible from the amount of self-control he had that night because he definitely didn’t want to do anything that was unbecoming while he was taken, but the temptation was far too great. She was everything he never knew he needed. If soulmates were real, she had to be his.

During the night, Grace’s watchful eye on him indicated to him that she’d had a conversation with Diana already about what had happened. Henry also knew something was off with him, but he kept assuring him he was fine. However, Harry didn’t ever drink carelessly like he was tonight; The more drinks he got into him the more the vision of her called to him. He loved her so fucking much and he missed her. He couldn’t believe that this was all there was to their story. Star-crossed lovers…so typical. He regretted not being honest about the repercussions from the start…maybe it would’ve prevented them from getting closer. He had tried his best though, tried to stay away, to stave off his feelings, to ignore the inevitable pull he felt towards her, like a magnet or a moth to a flame. He got down from the stool he was on and both Grace and Henry looked at him, concerned for what he was going to do in this state.

“Relax, just gonna go - for a wee.” He hiccuped and trudged off to the bathroom. He finished and washed his hands and splashed a bit of cool water on his face which actually did nothing to help whatsoever in his state. So he made his way out and then he stopped in his tracks as he remembered Diana asking him if she really wanted them to just keep things cordial for the sake of their dual-relationship and he told her something about fearing that if they got friendly it wouldn’t be enough at some point. God, he’d been so right, he hated it - maybe he had set something in motion just because he voiced that to her then. In a moment of longing madness, sadness, and regret he made it out of the bar and leaned against the wall as he pulled his phone out and called her.

********

“Mom, Mario World was so cool!” Celeste raved as she came back down stairs from her shower. Diana was just packing away the left overs from the dinner she’d made herself.

“Yeah?” She asked with a smile.

“Yes! Can we go again soon?” She asked and Diana smiled as she snapped the glass container shut.

“Sure, mamita. We can plan something for when you come back, yeah?”

“Perfect!” Celeste beamed. Diana could hear her phone ringing in her purse at the end of the counter and she was a bit confused at who would be calling her after 10pm, so she decided to ignore it. “Can we watch a movie?” Celeste asked.

“You’re not tired after the day you’ve had?” Diana chuckled and sighed as her phone started ringing again.

“I’m on a adrenaline high right now.” She smirked, “Also a sugar high…I know you told me not to but I had at least 4 churros today and a voodoo donut on the way out.” She smiled at her mother with a coy look in her eyes and Diana smirked as she shook her head.

“You’re so stinking cute I can’t even be upset at you…” Diana admitted and Celeste smiled. “Fine, let’s watch a movie… go get something on.” She said and Celeste rushed out of the kitchen, “And you’re drinking some cinnamon tea because it’s good for your glucose levels!” She called and heard Celeste groan from the TV room, “You did this to yourself!” She shouted back and then heard her phone ring again and that did put a slight concern in her, maybe it was Grace or Damian? And with the recent event with Harry, a late night phone call seemed extremely daunting. She fished her phone out of her purse and frowned when she saw 3 missed calls from Harry, and then it started ringing again and before the temptation to answer became too great she locked her phone, automatically ignoring the call. A lump formed in her throat and she decided to just text Grace to check on him because she was worried…4 calls? Something had to be wrong. So she opened up her texts to message grace.

As soon as her message was sent her phone chimed notifying her of a voice mail and she sighed and went over to that screen. She saw that it had been him and it just put this pit in her stomach. She knew it would make her cry so she decided to just get to it later. She set the kettle for the tea and then moved on to her next task.

“Mamita, I’m going to go up and wash my face and get into my PJ’s! I’ll be there in a minute!” She called to Celeste.

“OK!” She shouted and so Diana grabbed her purse and headed up stairs.

Diana changed her clothes first and she glanced to her purse, sitting there at the bench at the end of her bed. She stopped at her bathroom door and just looked at it for a moment; her curiosity was getting the best of her. She just walked over and fished her phone out before heading into her bathroom. She saw another text from Grace from a minute or so ago and opened up the phone and just saw that Harry was fine, just got a bit in his feelings and that he was very sorry for calling her, she just ‘hearted’ the message and before swiping out to her home screen. Then another text came in from Harry and she just clicked on the notification banner and then frowned as she read over his text.

She continued to do as he asked and blocked him, the tears built up in her eyes and then she proceeded to delete their texting thread. She then opened up her calls app and pressed on his voice mail and her finger hovered over the little garbage bin icon with so much hesitation, she then quickly clicked over to the play button and brought her phone up to her ear and she sighed through a laugh at the sound of his breath coming through the speaker.

“Hey Di. I ummm…I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you from the start. I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t because I knew from the start that we would be in trouble and I just…wasn’t ready to accept that I guess. I’ve been trying so hard not to think about you, but nothing is fucking working…” he chuckled, “I’m just so sad. It sucks. I’ve gotta say that I hope it’s been…sucking for you too.” He admitted and she smiled because she knew he was smiling as well, she could just hear it in his voice, “I just needed to tell you that I love you so fucking much. And ummm, I don’t know if we’ll figure this out or ummm…if I’ll just have to keep loving you from afar for the rest of my life, but I guess it doesn’t matter ‘cause either way I still love you.” He said softly, “Ummm, that’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. Love you, bye.”

She glanced up to the ceiling as her hot tears streamed down her face before she exhaled sharply through her nose and set her phone down. Her lips were pressed together to avoid a sob from breaking through. She reached for her makeup balm and got to work on getting her face cleaned instead. After she’d finished washing everything off and getting her other products in she looked at herself in the mirror and ensured that the frown was off her face before she joined Celeste. She tossed her phone onto her bed and got into her slippers before hurrying down to serve their teas and then went into the TV room.

“Took you long enough!” Celeste said and Diana rolled her eyes as she set their teas down.

“What are we watching?” She asked as she got onto the couch.

“LaLa Land!” Celeste said with a big grin and then searched it up and pressed play. Diana swore that the universe had her in for it…and sure enough, she had never cried harder at this film.

“You always cry…” Celeste laughed lowly and Diana sniffled.

“Of course! It’s beautiful…they can’t…be together for the sake of the big picture and for the sake of their dreams, but they were both still able to be happy and they…still love each other.” She said as her stomach sank, “Even if it’s just from…afar.” She sighed before she dabbed at her eyes again.

“That’s not beautiful, that sucks!” Celeste said with a scowl, “What’s the point of soul mates if you can’t even be together?” Celeste asked and Diana sighed.

“I don’t know…”

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Ummm…was dad your soul mate?” She asked looking to her, eagerly awaiting a response. And of the first time in her life, Diana wasn’t sure. She always thought he might be until she’d gotten to know Harry deeper. The way she loved Harry was different. Maybe it was just because she was older now? But he was definitely the person she’d consider to be her soulmate.

“Honestly mamita, I don’t know… I don’t think we had enough time together to really know. But what does it matter? I still have you, don’t I?” Diana said with smile and Celeste grinned.

“True!” She hummed happily and with that they both went to bed.

Diana tried her best not to think about it too much. After all, entertaining any fantasies about what she could have with anyone in her future only brought her back to Harry. To Harry who was so sad without her. Just as sad as she felt without him.

*********

Harry woke up the next morning with the worst headache. He’d definitely outdone himself and made a right fool of himself. He sat up slowly only to realize he was still in his clothes from the night before and was just plopped down on his bed. He sighed and dragged himself to the bathroom and had a quick shower before making his way to the kitchen.

“Oh good, you’re up!” Henry said with a smile.

“Yeah, hardly.” Harry chuckled breathily, “Did you stay?”

“Yeah. Had to drag you in here, get you to at least brush your teeth after we got some food in you.” He chuckled and Harry nodded.

“I wasn’t too bad, was I?”

“No, just…cried a bit on the way back from Monty’s.” He informed. There was no teasing to his tone.

“Yeah… I’m not doing too good.” He said and Henry frowned.

“Do you want to tell me about what’s going on? I’ll fix you some eggs?” He offered.

“Yeah…umm it’s about…Diana.” He said and Henry nodded as he served Harry an espresso and handed the cup over, “Thanks.” He nodded and let Harry continue, “She had asked me on a date and so we went out last week. We went up to the mountains near the beach, it’s a vineyard with jazz and dancing…” he said with a soft smile. “She decided to give me a chance, to take a leap. But she starting talking about how she wants to talk to Celeste about her love life before she properly gets into anything and she asked me if she could…talk to her own therapist about what’s going on and just get some help with how to have that conversation and I…told her no. I told her the rules and what would be at stake if another professional would find out about us. And I also told her that I felt guilty about… Celeste and that I was afraid of hurting her with this because I know firsthand how she feels about Diana dating.” Harry explained, “And well, after that honest conversation…on the way to the date, by the way… it just kind of ruined everything. We tried to sit through it but I think we both just… think too much and so we left early and ummm…agreed that that was it.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry man.”

“I love her. I told her a few weeks ago…she loves me too. And I love Celeste, she’s such a cool kid.” He said with a small smile, “And well, she told me she loved me too much to risk me losing everything I’ve worked hard for. And well of course, she loves Celeste and doesn’t want to hurt her.”

“Yeah, I think she’s great for that.”

“I just…can’t help but feel like letting her go isn’t the right thing. You told me once that when you met Grace you felt awake for the first time... that’s how Diana makes me feel. I feel alive ever since she came into my life. She helped me see everything that I was missing and how badly I’ve neglected the simple pleasures I’ve always wanted for myself. You told me I’d have to be an idiot to ignore signs like that.” Harry said with a soft smile.

“Well yeah, but fuck.” Henry said, “I want this for you, H. I do, but I have to side with Diana on this one. You can’t give up your livelihood for this. I mean, what’s the problem with just waiting a few years?”

“I would wait however long it took, but I can’t ask her to wait for me. I couldn’t. And who knows how long I’ll actually be Celeste’s therapist…the five years I’m supposed to wait could very well begin 5 years from now…I’ll be 40-something but then! Half my life would’ve been spent working and I’ll have the bare minimum to show for it. I don’t want to waste any more time when everything I’ve ever wanted is right in front of me.” He stated, “But I know she won’t let me. As much as I‘d want to.”

“I’m really sorry.” Henry said and Harry shrugged.

“Time to move on I guess.” He said with a sigh.

Yes, he was gutted but he needed to move past this in order to be able to be alright. He had to. When he saw Diana for Celeste’s appointment that would be it, his last chance to just take her in. He wondered if she was as nervous to see him as he was her. He would certainly put a bit more effort into his look and hopefully she did the same, wanting to impress him, but if only she knew that her mere existence was impressive to him, she didn’t need to try anything else to have him be in awe of her. He wanted to apologize to her in person for his behavior the night before and just…leave it off like that.

So the next morning he did get a bit more dressed up and even the idea of getting to be in her presence had significantly lifted his mood and he was looking forward to seeing her and Celeste all day.

“Alright Jerry, prescription’s in at your pharmacy and we’re all set for a month from now, alright? Same day and same time. Remember to eat with those meds!” Harry confirmed.

“Thanks, Dr. Styles. See you then.” The man said with a smile and they shook hands before he exited through the other door in his office that led to the hallway. He locked that and then hurried into his bathroom to just look himself over before he retrieved Celeste. He was nervous to see Diana, but he was happy and excited for it as well because he missed her. This is why he was already smiling as he headed to his office door and then swung it open cheerfully.

“Good afternoon, ladies- Grace?” His greeting was cut-off and his face morphed into an expression of utter confusion upon seeing Grace sitting beside Celeste, not Diana. “Where’s Diana?” He asked right away, out of pure instinct really and Grace’s eyes went wide and she shook her head slightly as Celeste stood from her seat.

“She had tutoring hours to help her class prep for their first Spanish test.” Celeste cut in with a smile and he looked over to her and smiled.

“Oh right, summer school!” He chuckled, playing off his disappointment, “How was your bake sale?” He asked and she smiled wider.

“Really good! Mom got us sprinkles cupcakes and people were really going for those.” She shared enthusiastically. “Though your cupcake was better.” She said to him and he chuckled.

“Oh really?”

“Yes, 100% honest!” Celeste said and he chuckled.

“Well I’m glad you enjoyed it. Let’s head on in, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Celeste hummed and made her way inside.

“S’good to see you again, Grace.” Harry said and she smirked.

“You don’t have to lie, I know you’re disappointed.” She said quietly with a small smile and he chuckled.

“Just let me at least pretend, Grace.” He said with a slight chuckle and he shrugged.

“Sorry. She really was busy though.” She said to him and well, he wasn’t going to tell her that he knew she was lying. “Also, here.” She said standing up and handing over some cash for Celeste’s visit, “She said Celeste often forgets.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled, “Thanks.” He said and then turned to head into his office. He was definitely in a shitty mood now. He knew it would be hard to see Diana, but he’d rather be sad after seeing her than be sad because he did not get to see her at all.

**********

Celeste was greeting Misty on her little tower as she saw from the corner of her eye that Dr. Styles settled into his seat and just reached for his notebook. He was usually a lot chattier and happy to see her and so she wondered if maybe she’d done something wrong. She was a bit insecure because she never wanted to make him upset at her and even thinking that he was upset at her about something gave her the same feeling she got in her chest and stomach when her mom was upset at her for something. She felt anxious now and she was scared to ask, so she just kept petting Misty as she asked.

“Are you upset at me or something?” She asked and Dr. Styles was frowning a bit when she finally looked over at him.

“No, I’m not upset at you. I’m sorry. It’s just been a stressful day for me and my weekend wasn’t too good so ummm yeah…sorry.” He apologized and with that she made her way over to the couch. Harry wasn’t surprised that Misty hopped off of her tower and followed Celeste to the couch. She smiled as soon as she heard the little bell on her collar jingle to indicate she was on the move behind her.

“It’s OK, bad days happen.” She said with a soft smile, “I forgot to mention last time that I’m going to band camp at the end of the week, I’ll be gone for a month.”

“Oh, that’s cool! Are you excited for that?” He asked and she nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, it’s my first time going and a few of my friends from band get to go so it should be fun. I hope…” she said nervously. She was nervous about Ben and how things would play out…was this a chance for summer romance? Would he ask her to be his girlfriend at the end of camp? Or would she maybe get to have her first kiss?

“What’re you smirking about there?” He asked with a chuckle and she immediately stopped smiling.

“Nothing…just thinking about camp.” She lied and he hummed knowingly.

“Sure thing.” Dr. Styles smirked and she went all pink in the cheeks, “I’m not gonna push on that if you don’t want to talk about it. But we can talk about whatever it is.” He assured her and she nodded and got the courage to look back into his eyes and as she did she wussed out.

“Yeah, no I don’t think I can talk about this with you.” She said after a few moments and he chuckled.

“Alright, that’s fair.” He said and she smiled bashfully. “So ummm…if we’re not going to talk about band camp what are we going to work on today?” He asked her and she shrugged.

“I don’t know, you’re the grown up.” She said with a smile and he chuckled.

“Right…” he said and before he could ask her something she spoke up.

“Can we talk about why you’re having a bad day?” She asked and he smiled.

“That’s thoughtful of you, but this is about you.” He said and she sighed.

“Well… I guess we can talk about band camp.” She said and he chuckled again, “I’m a bit nervous as this will be my first time away from home for that long. I’m worried I’ll get home sick.” She explained and he hummed, “Mom and I usually take a vacation over the summer with Grace, which I mean that’s not happening anymore since she used the money to pay for my camp so I do feel kinda bad for that. I know she looks forward to going away for a bit and we won’t be, she’s gonna be stuck at home teaching all month long. Kinda feel bad for ruining her plans.” He said and Harry nodded in understanding.

“I mean, do you think your mom regrets allowing you to go to camp?”

“Probably not…she seemed excited about it at first, but as we get closer she seems a bit sad now. I think it’s hitting her that she’s gonna be all alone for a bit.” She explained and well, that made Harry sad. Diana would definitely feel bummed and well, he knew from Henry that he and Grace were planning to go to Seattle for a week, so Diana would be all alone then as well.

“Is there anything you can do to make her not feel lonely?”

“Yeah…I think just check in with her every day before I go to bed or something?”

“Yeah, that’s a good option.” He agreed with a smile, it was forced for sure but he couldn’t help but wonder if Diana was happy about Celeste going to band camp because it meant they could have more time together and now they couldn’t have anything.

Celeste watched as Dr. Styles’ smile fell just a bit and she felt bad. She knew something was wrong because he was not at all himself today. He seemed distracted and disappointed, she was glad it had nothing to do with her, but it still made her sad to see him so low and in the dumps.

“Are you feeling OK after what happened with that boy?” He brought up to her and she glanced up at him quickly and nodded.

“It’s fine. We talked about it the next day at school. It was just a misunderstanding.” She said and he hummed.

“Do you…like him?” He asked her and she felt her face heating up again.

“A bit? He’s just a friend though so he can do whatever he wants.” She assured him as best as she could and he hummed.

“Does he like you back?”

“Maybe…” she said cooly as she reached over to pet Misty who was sitting like a little loaf under the coffee table.

“Does he know you like him?” He asked and she sighed.

“Yes, he knows. Well “like” is…a bit much. He’s just cool. It’s not like I want to like…be his girlfriend or something like that.” She said with a shrug and he smiled at her because the blush staining her cheeks said otherwise.

“Oh OK. You just seemed really bummed out by that the other week. Thought maybe you were going out or something, it seemed serious.” He said and she glanced up to him.

“Did it?” She asked and Dr. Styles nodded in confirmation.

“Had this whole thing about relationships ready for you just in case.” He said and she smiled bashfully.

“Well you can still tell me if you want because well, you never know!” She said and he chuckled.

“Sure. So ummm…I think the first thing to know is that when you’re at this age most people don’t really…take your love life seriously. They play it down because you’re young or whatever other BS reason they have. However, I want you to know that no matter what age you are, your feelings are real and they’re valid and I want you to know that I will never be the kind of person to burst your bubble. And I know for a fact your mum feels the same way because well, your dad was her first boyfriend and well, here you are, that’s as real as love gets!” He said and she laughed softly.

“I mean…I was an accident.” She said with a small shrug and he chuckled.

“A happy accident then because if she didn’t want to have a forever reminder about her love for your dad, Wes, well then you wouldn’t be here, you know?” He said and she hummed pensively, “Especially after all the hurt that him being gone caused her. I mean, she loved him for real, you know? It didn’t matter that she was a teenager.” He said and she smiled.

“That’s true.” She agreed.

“So yeah, all love is real and valid. Second thing is what I told you after we had dinner after your concert and I’ll say it again because I think this is the piece we all have a hard time getting through our heads. You’re worth so much more than to have anything less than someone’s full effort, Celeste. Every person deserves to be loved well and wholeheartedly, so if you ever feel like someone is not doing their part or they’re not reciprocating or respecting you or the relationship, or if you get betrayed by someone, as hard as it can be, letting go is the best thing for you. Sometime love requires sacrifice and compromise, but it’s only sometimes and you shouldn’t be the only one experiencing that in a relationship.” He said and she nodded.

“Last thing is just that heartbreak feels like the end of the world. It always does, no matter how many times you experience it, it never gets easier.” He said to her, “But I promise you, it’s not the end of the world. You will be OK again and you will find the strength to pull yourself back together and to feel joy and you will likely fall in love multiple times in your life. But when you’re going through that it just feels like you’re…lost for a while, I guess? Sometimes it does feel…hopeless,” He said as he just faced the reality of his own feelings, “and that’s OK. Losing a love or even the hope of a love sometimes, it can be demoralizing and it can feel so lonely. But all that matters is that you know that there will always be people who love you and that one day you’ll wake up and feel like yourself again and that’s something you can look forward to.” He said with a small smile and she smiled back at him.

“Good tips.” She said and he smiled.

“Well, I try.” He said as he glanced down at his lap with a chuckle.

“Dr. Styles, do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend or anything?” She asked and he glanced back up to her and shook his head.

“Not at the moment.” He responded.

“Do you feel sad about that?” She asked and he shrugged.

“Sometimes I do, other times I’m quite glad I don’t have anyone.” He said and she looked at him weird.

“Why are you glad?”

“Because sometimes relationships are complicated. And sometimes people hurt you and in my line of work I see that a lot, I see a lot of emotionally hurt people and I just feel relieved that there’s no chance that could happen to me being single.”

“You don’t want kids?”

“I mean…I could adopt or foster. Don’t need a partner for that.” He smiled.

“That’s right!” She said with a big smile at his response, “That makes me happy for you because I think you’d be a really great father if you ever wanted to be.” She said and he smiled upon hearing that.

“Wow, thank you. That’s kind of you to say, Celeste.” He said softly and she nodded.

Celeste was pleased that that seemed to help cheer him up a bit more.

**********

After that little heart to heart Celeste shared with Harry how she had confronted a difficult conversation with a “friend”. He knew she was referring to this unnamed boy she liked, but he was happy to break down what she did to make amends. He was so proud of her for being open and honest about her own shortcomings to this person and took ownership of any hurt she might have caused. He loved knowing that he was helping her and guiding her through her life along with Diana. He wished he could be there more. He could just see how beautifully a family with the three of them would work. And so as he walked her back out to reception he wished her luck at camp and she hugged him tight and thanked him for his help. He needed that hug so bad, so he was grateful for it. Then finally, Grace was waving goodbye with a sympathetic smile as she left his office.

Harry’s day had ended on a positive note. He finished transcribing his notes and closed out for the day and packed up Misty before heading home. He fed her and changed into something a little more causal, he felt kind of dumb for dressing up, and then headed to one of his favorite pizza spot, he was in need of some comfort food. He plopped down at the little bar and waited for a waitress to come by. He was just minding his business, trying to decide what he wanted when he felt a tap on his shoulder and he glanced back to see none other than Rebecca smiling at him.

“This seat taken?” She asked and he laughed happily upon seeing her.

“Hey!” He greeted her and scooted out of his chair and they hugged tight, “You alright?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, been pretty good. Are you waiting on anyone?” She asked and he shook his head.

“No, s’just me if you want to join me?” He offered and she nodded and settled into the spot beside his. They talked about the menu first and decided to share a pizza before they placed their orders and soon were slightly angled towards each other to be able to look at each other properly. “So what’s new with you?” He asked and she sighed and bit her lip before glancing up at his eyes.

“I’m at the DA’s office now, I’m with the specialized prosecutions unit, I’m working cases involving major narcotics at the moment.” She shared and he nodded and smiled.

“That’s amazing! Congratulations, I love that for you.” He said with so much genuine pride for her, she worked really hard.

“Thank you. I ummm… am also two months pregnant.” She said and his eyes went wide.

“Oh my god! Seriously?” He asked with a bright smile and she nodded, “With Eddie? That was his name right?” He asked and Rebecca nodded.

“Yeah, that was his name. And yeah, with him…I mean, it was the last thing I ever expected to be honest.” She giggled and he nodded as he listened, “But…it just felt…right. Like when I found out I wasn’t freaking out or anything, I was happy about it. And well Eddie is still at the other firm, after I left they bumped him up to my job, but he’s about to be hired on as a lawyer there. He’s really good and he’s young so they can keep him around for longer. He was really happy about the pregnancy news as well so ummm, we’re just planning on moving in together in the next month or so.” She finished and he chuckled.

“That’s all really amazing. I’m really happy things are going so well for you.” He said and she smiled.

“Thanks, Harry.” She hummed.

“And where’s Eddie now?”

“Late night. There’s a huge manslaughter case and ummm, they’re all quite occupied with that. Opening statements are in two days so it’s all hands on deck time. I just came from there actually. Was dropping off some dinner but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat chicken shawarma, it made me so nauseous just having to transport it.” She said and he chuckled.

“You and smells have always had a complicated relationship.” He recalled.

“Even more so now!” She said with a giggle, “And what about you? How’ve you been?” She asked and he smiled lightly.

“Good.” He said curtly and she looked at him incredulously.

“You can be honest with me, you know?” She said softly and he sighed.

“I’ve been better.” He said with a more neutral expression, “The last week or so has been…rough.” He admitted and she pouted.

“Why, H? What’s going on?” She asked and he sighed.

“Just…shit with someone else. Nothing too bad.” He assured her as he reached for his beer and took a swig of it.

“So you’re dating someone?” She asked and he shook his head.

“No, it didn’t really work out actually.”

“Oh, why not?” She frowned and he bit his lip before just saying it.

“It’s my client’s mom. The girl I had started seeing at the beginning of the year, Celeste.” He said and her eyebrows arched up a bit.

“Oh.” She said and he nodded. “Diana?”

“Yeah, that’s her.” He smiled sadly, “Obviously, it can’t happen. I just…hadn’t been completely honest about the repercussions were something to go wrong and I mean, additionally I would need to cut Celeste from my client roster and I can’t do that to her. As much as I love Diana, I love the kid too and I could never just abandon-”

“You love the kid?” She interrupted and he sighed.

“Yeah…I fucked up. I know I did.” He sighed. “I got too invested and too close to them. And like…fuck, I fell for Diana so fast. It was one of those things where I was in too deep before I even realized it.” He explained and she nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, that can happen. Have you guys like…you know?” She asked and he shook his head.

“It’s been close…we’ve been together for other things…” he said and she snorted at how awkward he was being, “And like…yeah, but not everything. And ummm, we had our first date last week. This whole conversation came up on the drive over and upon arriving we concluded that we were being selfish and stupid for even attempting and like…we just ended up going home because the night was ruined and that was it.” He shared with a frown on his face now.

“I’m so sorry, Harry.” She said reaching for his hand and he sighed.

“She’s the one, Becs.” He said to her and she frowned even more, “Saying no to that has been so hard.” He said softly, “I’v never felt anything like this before. We would be so great together…” He said with a soft smile.

“Does she feel the same?” Rebecca asked and Harry nodded.

“Yeah.” He confirmed and Rebecca sighed.

“Then don’t give up, Harry!”

“I don’t want to, but I can’t pursue this! I could lose my licenses to practice if someone else found out about it. I would have to ask Celeste to find a new therapist which she has no intention of doing and she already dreads the idea of her mom dating.” He said, “My responsibility is to my client’s first. And having that more complex feeling towards Celeste makes it even harder to be selfish. She would not take it well and we would both completely break her trust…” he shook his head, “We just…we can’t.” He said simply.

“I see. Well, I’m really sorry, I hope things can get a bit more uncomplicated down the line.”

“I hope so too.” He said softly and just then their food came out and he thanked the waitress as he devoured the large Margherita pizza before them with his eyes. “No more sad talk, let’s just fuck this up.”

“Deal.” Rebecca agreed and they got to eating and made more light conversation. They stayed for about an hour more and even split some spumoni before they were heading out for the night. “Well thank you for allowing me to join you. I’m really glad we ran into each other. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, so it was fateful.” She said and he smiled.

“Yeah, it was really great to see you too.” He said as he opened his arms and hugged her for a moment.

“You deserve everything you want, H. You’re the best person I’ve ever known I swear it.” She said as she pulled back, “It’s all going to work out exactly as it should.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.” She smiled, “And if you ever need anything, including a friend to put away another pizza with, give me call.” She said and he chuckled.

“Thanks, Becs. And again, congratulations to you and Eddie for everything you’ve got going on. It’s really great to see you thriving.”

“Thanks, H. I’ll see you around.” She said and he smiled and waited for her to drive off before walking back to his car. He really needed that today and he walked away from that feeling better about everything. If Rebecca was thriving surely his time was coming as well. He couldn’t accept that this is just how things were supposed to be, that it wouldn’t work out with Diana. It had to. It just had to.

************

“Are you sure you have everything?” Diana asked Celeste one last time as they pulled into the school parking lot and she nodded.

“Yep, I checked every box on my list.” She assured and Diana nodded.

They got out of the car and Diana unloaded Celeste’s suitcase while Celeste got on her backpack and then grabbed her guitar from the trunk. They started heading around to where the buses parked and as soon as they made it through the gate Ozzy and Geri were waving at her like maniacs and Celeste chuckled as she waved to them. Celeste turned to her mom as she heard her sniffle and then giggled.

“Mom, it’s just a month!”

“A month is a long time! We’ve never been away from each other for that long.” She excused her tears.

“I know but please don’t cry its embarrassing.” She said more softly as they got closer and closer to her friends.

“Ughhh…you should be grateful I care enough to cry for you, my mom never cried for me.” She said with a sniffle and Celeste sighed.

“I am grateful for your love and support, but just…be cool, mom.” She said lowly as they were just 30 feet away or so now.

“Fine.” Her mom sighed through a slight chuckle.

“And you can just drop me off here.” Celeste said and Diana scoffed, but stopped walking as Celeste turned to her with a small smile. “I love you. Thank you for letting me do this.”

“You’re gonna have a blast, cariño.” She assured her with teary eyes and Celeste just smiled.

“I hope so. I’ll text you every night when I’m in bed-”

“Yeah, until you get acclimated and forget about me next week. I know you.” Her mom joked and Celeste giggled bashfully with a shrug.

“I will try my best to text you every night before bed.”

“I can accept that.” She said and Celeste just sighed as she hugged her mom tight. “Be good and follow the rules to the best of your abilities, yeah?”

“I will.” Celeste assured.

“Look at me, for a sec.” Her mom said and Celeste glanced into her eyes, “And please for the love of god, have so much fucking fun.” She said and Celeste’s smiled widened and her mom’s smile mirrored her own, “You’ve had such a rough year and you pulled through, you deserve this, mamita. I’m really proud of you and I love you with my whole heart.” She sniffled once more and Celeste couldn’t help but get a bit teary-eyed as well before hugging her mom tight once again.

“Thanks, mom. I love you.” She whispered before pulling away and grabbing her suitcase from her mom and rushing off to meet Geri and Ozzy who called out their goodbyes to her mom as well.

Celeste got her things down into the storage area and soon the three of them climbed up into the bus. There were already a few people in there and as Celeste looked around her eyes got caught on a pair of brown eyes near the back of the bus. She smiled at Ben and he smiled back at her. Geri and Ozzy slid into a row and Celeste slid into the one behind theirs and they started chatting until the bus was loaded with everyone that was signed up to go. The band teacher announced for them to find their seats so that she could take roll and Celeste was just buckling herself in when someone plopped down beside her and she turned, expecting to see a random person, but it was Ben.

“Are you saving this seat for anyone?” He asked softly as the teacher announced she was about to take attendance.

“Yeah, you.” She said with a flirty smile and he chuckled timidly.

“Celeste Beltran!” She heard her name.

“Here!” She raised her hand and then turned back to him waiting for them to call his name in a few seconds.

“Tyler Brooks…Benjamin Caldera!”

“Here!” Ben called and the teacher moved on as he turned back to her, “I missed you.” He said and she blushed.

“Ummm…me too. Missed you, not missed me because, that’s stupid.” She chuckled and he sniggered.

“Yeah, I get what you mean.” He assured her.

“How were things with your cousins?”

“Really fun. How’s you break been so far?”

“Good too, more relaxed than anything.”

“First camp is always the one where you overdo it since it’s like your first time, so it’s good you got some rest.” He said with a smile. They continued catching up a bit, but as soon as the bus started rolling away he glanced down at her hands on her legs and he just reached for it. Her eyes darted into his right away with anxiety. Sure she wasn’t bullied anymore, but people still thought she was a freak after everything.

“Are you sure that it’s OK if people see you-”

“I don’t care what other people think.” He said confidently and she smiled.

“OK then.” She said as she let her fingers slot themselves in between his. Already, things were off to a better start than she expected.

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