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alfascorpiionux · 3 months ago

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Things to focus on/develop ~ astro observations ✨

Moon in 8th house - emotional self-sufficiency; being your biggest emotional support; letting go of old resentments, attachments and learning to move on; learning to channel your emotions through art/journaling/cooking etc.

Gemini Sun - being constant, reliable, true to your word;being honest and not lying/twisting facts; being there physically and emotionally for people you love; less over-explaining and quarreling;

Libra Moon - learning to make decisions by and for themselves; so many times I see these people always asking for advice on what to do or struggling to make decisions even when it comes to important things in their life; also learning to speak your mind instead of letting emotions build up inside you and acting all passive-aggressive; it’s okay not to agree just let us know;

Leo ascendant - and always wanting to appear polished, put-together, perfect. Lots of emphasis on being clean, well-dressed and having nice hair. Sometimes it’s okay to tone it down a notch. Many imperfections about yourself are only in your mind, very few if anybody at all notices them; also you know what diplomacy is, I guess? Sometimes it’s better to reach an agreement/compromise than to relentlessly pursue your point of view. It’ll attract enmity on the long term and people finding subtle ways to put you down behind your back, just saying.

Virgo Mercury - learning to talk about how you feel and don’t always fret the small print; being vulnerable is not a weakness;

Stellium in 11th house (especially in air signs) - accept yourself first and foremost and stop trying to fit in with crowds; some people will always judge you and not like you. You’re good at being a social butterfly and it likely brings you benefits but don’t lose yourself in always gaining other people’s approval. It’s better to walk alone than constantly clinging to people who bring you down or are just not right for you.

Ascendant square Mercury/Mercury retrograde/3rd house Mercury(possibly) - take time to improve communication skills, it’ll serve you big time in the future. Don’t hurry when you talk and think it through before you say something. Don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind; it might come out messy. Don’t butt into conversations or try to dominate them. People won’t be more interested in what you are going to say, it’ll just reflect poorly on you.

Lilith-Venus aspects(especially the square)/Lilith-Moon hard aspects - don’t blindly trust women; this aspect is said to attract both admiration and jealousy from women. It adds extra charm to your appearance but can also spark enmity/bad intentions in others. Beware.

Moon-Jupiter aspects (especially square) - take care of your weight!! Make sure to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. There could be a tendency to put on weight. You’re a connoisseur of life and very curious person by nature so it makes sense you would like to try out new delicious food/beverages, but don’t give in to excess.

Sun opposite Moon - this aspect suggests a conflict between the Ego(Identity) and the emotional life of the native. Sometimes these people have zero clue what they are feeling and if you ask them they might just shrug. Or they might suppress their emotions in favor of their intelect/rational side. This can lead to big internal turmoil, crisis and even depression later on. My advice: don’t ignore what you feel. Speak about it or write it down. It’s important to at least be conscious of what is going on with your emotional life. Is it sadness/annoyance/boredom maybe a sense of relief? Whatever it is, write it down. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.

Sun in 5th house - you cannot make up your mind about who to be with, am I right? Many people attract you and make your heart flutter for different reasons. Your interest may be short-lived. You definitely love a nice figure, beautiful clothes and an “expensive-looking” appearance. Personality-wise you like a good sense of humor, a beautiful smile, solid social skills and if the said person is desired by many others, it might awaken your interest even more! My advice to you: make up your mind. Who is the person you truly want to be with? What is their personality like, their values, interests, life-goals? Will they align with yours? How will you be supporting each other along the way? Solve the conflicts that would arise? Don’t get too picky or cocky though. Just as your chosen person will try to be the best they can be, you shouldn’t succumb to laziness, complacency either. Nobody is perfect. We got to do the best we can with what we have.

Virgo Moon - you’re way better and more than you ever give yourself credit for. Be proud of your accomplishments and all those times where you persevered when everything seemed to be going wrong and you couldn’t see the light. You’re a hard-working, very resilient and pragmatic person. You likely always help those in need especially your family/friends/acquaintances. They’ve always got somebody they can rely on to give them a car ride for example or cook them delicious food. Life is not always black and white and you’re certainly not the loser you might sometimes think you are. If only you could see the beauty I and other people can see in you!

Chart ruler in 12th house - oh boy, this one is quite annoying at times. People might just simply ignore your presence and not willingly. It’s like you somehow manage to blend into the background. Not one time have I heard people going “You’re here? I really haven’t noticed.” And it is not said with bad intentions. Your presence is calm, a little mellow and blends in easily with any crowd. Maybe you could be a spy? Just saying XD

The point with this placement (especially if you have many aspects to your Mercury, particularly the square) is to be patient! Do not raise your voice or butt into conversations you are not welcomed in. Wait to be invited, stay silent or better yet: leave. If it’s done repeatedly by the same group of people it’s not longer unintentional.

Also - protect your energy and make sure you sleep 8-10 hours. It might be that you tire easily, are susceptible to other’s energy, feel it when somebody is ill or suffering. You’re sensitive and probably empathetic to boot (regardless of other positions in your chart). Make sure you don’t overexert yourself or let others take advantage of your sensitive side.

Chiron conjunct Midhaven - it might actually be healthy and recommended for you to work! Especially if it’s the kind of job that suits you and that you find satisfaction in. With this aspect it’s possible that not having a goal/career will make you feel aimless/confused/irritated. This aspect suggests an ambitious, driven and hard-working individual that might find much more in their career than satisfaction, purpose and money. They might also find healing. These people are likely to work in healthcare and dealing with other people’s ailments and emotional wounds. But instead of bringing them down, it is where they actually find their place. Especially in the sign of Capricorn, these people don’t wish to lead easy/privileged lives, but meaningful ones where they leave a legacy behind.

People typically trust them because they sense they are trustworthy and share their problems with them.

Venus in Aries - this is not talked about nearly enough. These folks are courageous and very devoted to their loved ones, to the point where they would do almost anything for them! Venus is not just about your love life but also about your feminine side, your values and self-worth, your sense of aesthetics, creative expression, wealth&comfort and social harmony. It’d be silly to narrow it down simply to one domain: your romantic life. Sure, it plays a significant role when it comes to the way you express and accept love, what appeals to you most but it not all that it is!

A Venus in Aries person makes a dynamic and gutsy friend somebody that would go on almost any adventure with you. They could be blunt but you can be sure they will always tell the truth. They will speak up for you when needed and they could be plenty generous.

The point with this placement is to not get carried away or be too pushy. Many people are simply not ready to be as bold and honest and unapologetic as you are. They might just be unsure, more skeptical, or have a different way of expressing their attention/affection. Don’t always put demands on them or assume dishonesty at the slightest disturbance.

Edit-completion to Venus in Aries.

Hope you guys enjoyed reading my post!! Please tell me what you think and let’s have a discussion 🤗🌟

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astrolook · 3 months ago

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⏳The ‘Unluckiest’ Aspects: Why Some People Always Struggle (And How to Break the Cycle) ⏳

Note: These are my personal observations over the years. The patterns I’ve seen show up again and again in real life, not just in textbooks. If it resonates, cool. If not, toss it to the stars.

Saturn in 1st - Born serious. Life said “smile later.” Grew up faster than everyone else and now wonders why joy feels like a scam. Inner child needs a hug. Might have been bullied as a kid.

Moon in 12th - You may have grown up suppressing feelings to survive. Emotional isolation follows you, even in crowds. No one knows how you're feeling because you don’t either. Emotional GPS is foggy. Cries alone and doesn’t know why. Dreams are emotional landfills.

Mars square Neptune - You swing between chasing visions and total burnout. Also, your anger either leaks out or vanishes when you need it. You’re passionate but disoriented, craving purpose without a map. Motivation disappears like socks in the dryer.

Saturn in 5th - Creativity feels like pressure instead of pleasure. You might fear being seen as silly, vulnerable, or untalented. Tough dating life or non-existent.

Chiron in 2nd - You link value to productivity, money, or external approval. Financial instability = emotional instability. Feels personally attacked by every bill. Buys love or denies pleasure. Abundance feels suspicious.

Moon square Saturn - Emotional constipation. You learned early to suppress emotional needs for safety. You love was likely earned, rationed, or absent. You judge yourself for feeling “too much” or “too little.”

Pluto in 4th - Your family may have had secrets, trauma, or control issues or felt like a pressure cooker. You are on survival mode. You might fear vulnerability because you equate it with danger.

Neptune in 6th - You could get exploited in your work place or it drained you to the core. Your body responds more to emotions than logic. Reality glitches. Could romanticize suffering as devotion to duty, in some cases.

Mars in 12th - You are your own enemy. Anger goes underground. Blows up once a year, spectacularly. You sabotage your own drive before others can judge it. Your anger turns inward, manifesting in anxiety or illness.

Sun opposite Pluto - You’re constantly torn between control and surrender. Power struggles follow you in both relationships and identity. Transformation comes after a meltdown.

Mercury square Saturn - You words buffer in real life. Your thoughts feel like they need a permission slip. You might struggle to communicate because of early invalidation. You second-guess even your clearest ideas.

Mercury rx in 3rd - You overthink your overthinking, then rewrite it three times. Early school years felt like decoding a foreign language. Words often fail you mid-sentence, especially when they matter.

Mars rx in 1st - You feel guilty for wanting things, even basic ones. Anger simmers silently or explodes after repression. You don’t fight until your identity feels erased. Initiative feels hard when self-worth is in question.

Jupiter rx in 5th/9th - Your beliefs come from within, not institutions. You’ve always questioned the rules, even spiritual ones. Teachers disappointed you, so you became your own. Faith is personal, earned, and ever-shifting.

Uranus rx in 5th/11th - You want to fit in just not like them. Seriously, friendships feel like freedom tests or social experiments. You fear conformity but crave belonging.

Mercury rx square Neptune - Communication feels like trying to text through fog. You say one thing, feel another, and mean a third. Imagination is wild but so is your confusion. People misunderstand you and you misunderstand yourself.

🌌✨Wanna know how your own retrogrades or unlucky placements play out in your chart? Or decode why certain patterns keep showing up in your life like cosmic reruns?

DM me for a complete astrology reading and check out my pinned post for pricing 🌌✨

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moonastro · 1 month ago

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ASTROLOGY notes pt.4 (summer edition)

✨little TW✨

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ pisces venus in vedic astrology, may have a weird or addictive obsession with cleaning and hot water used to clean, such as mopping, towels-omg especially the texture or smell of towels, cleaning cloths etc. -little weird observation. Honestly just anything to do with water this placement is just connected with it.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ what i have noticed with the planets that you have in your 1st house can often reflect on what facial expressions you may make. so >for example, if you have mars in 1st house, you may make faces that look like you are judging or looking disgusted and even angry. if jupiter in 1st house, you may look as if you are thinking of something all the time, you may look like you are analysing things 24/7, if neptune is in 1st house, you may look as if you are day dreaming a lot, or as if you are making things up in your head.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ neptune in 5th house often indicates you missing out on developing something your good at due to illusions of thinking your not good at it or that you dont have to do it etc.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ another observation for neptune in 5th house can often suggest attaining an addictive habit and depending on the sign its in or planets near it can suggest what to. so for example, if making an aspect to moon- can indicate drinking addiction, if aspecting mars- smoking habit often having a raising voice habit also.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ having 7th house ruler in scorpio can indicate having a partner that is self absorbed and simply may not help with anything. they simply have a mindset of your not gonna do it so am not as well.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ having north node in 6th house can often indicate being friends or close to the people who have hurt you intentionally. you may attract these type of people also. you can also tend to go back to these people.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ if you have leo dominant placements such as ascendant, sun, moon, mc even venus and mars, I've noticed that leo placements tend to never stay in their house, like they are always going out somewhere and it doesn't have to mean going out out like this could be going outside, going to a friends house, going to another family members house and so forward.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ moon in scorpio individuals (in vedic) most likely didn't have comfort when growing up and may have (TW) problems with eating and food. this can be that when you were younger being criticked with your appearance or how much/little you ate etc. may have an unstable relationship with food, and having the fear of not having enough food.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ having north node in your 6th house can suggest having weird eating habits, like you may not eat around others, have weird food combos etc.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ okay so focusing a bit on Vedic astrology, if in a Jupiter antardasha period, you may come across themes related to travel, spirituality. And by travel I don’t mean actual full on cruise or plane travel, this can simply be as simple as a car journey, taking more public transport etc. Of course depending on what house Jupiter is in it can manifest a bit differently to everyone. Also important note, you may also feel like things are going your way, like the universe is truly on your side no matter what.

✨for example- my Jupiter is in my 2nd house- I experiences themes related to better connections with my family members, harmonised work ethics, out of the blue travel opportunities, focused self care routine.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ Venus in 11th house, may have an older sibling that is either idolised by you or by everyone else in your eyes. The older you get the more the relationship between your older sibling may increase ( especially if you have an older sister). You may also feel like you don’t get the attention that you crave from others.

Another thing for this placement is that it is easy to influence these individuals, may not have to look hard for inspiration and may just have things handed to them ( not literally but more so metaphorically)

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ the sun in the 10th house may not be as glamorous as people turn it out to be. Since the sun tends to outshine other planets or in other world “burn” the influence of other planets if placed or conjunct with any planet this can cause some difficulties within one’s career or public image.

✨for example- if sun is conjunct Uranus in 10th house- may totally blindside the individual ability to take risks and start something spontaneous- these individuals may hardly or rarely start something new just because of simple laziness or unmotivated mindset from the lack of thinking or processing an idea to actually stick with it.

✨another example can be when sun is conjunct Mars in 10th house- this can totally burn out the person, may feel like they aren’t worthy or enough at whatever it is they are doing and quick frankly may make the person lose the dedication needed for their career. In terms of public image- this can just totally make the person appear to be arrogant and self inclined, more so may be viewed as bringing other people down around them.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ Chiron conjunct Neptune is the infamous victim mindset. Im sorry, but these people constantly just have this view that they are the only people with problems, that they are the only ones who struggle etc etc. of course this is a broad interpretation however, these people can also struggle with telling things apart of what’s real and not. They don’t think before they let their actions be led by what they are feeling at that moment. Alsolll they can soo easily make other people feel sorry for them it’s insane.

✨a little tip for these people can be to think things thoroughly, get out of your comfort zone and try to use your head.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ Saturn in 4th house indicates may have grown up to be viewed as being close with their father but growing up and detesting them then. Like there could have been some close bond between you and your father growing up but then as you get older you may just drift apart.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ the placement that doesn’t get talked enough is moon in 2nd house… these people hateee when we their routine is disturbed by other people or external factors. They may also enjoy a good hearty home cooked meal ( not to be stereotypical here). Another honourable mention is that these people simply believe that things will work out for them even if they are not doing ANYTHING to get there they still may believe that it’s going to happen.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ if you have Uranus near you descendant you most likely switch up on your relationship with others, you may experience people being unexpectedly hatred towards you. Your spontaneous approach to people can often leave others to find it hard to bond deeply with you.

Thank you sooooo much for reading- I really hope you enjoyed this post. Have a lovely rest of your day 🫶🏼

#astro community #astrology observations #astro placements #astrology #astro observations #astrology community #vedic astro observations #astro notes #vedic astro notes #vedic astrology #astro

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c0rc0ntritum · 2 months ago

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Introduction

The name's Cor and use she/her

I also speak German & Russian but this blog will be mainly in English

I'm an art student so there will be long periods of inactivity

Contents of my blog

So the main thing of this blog will be sharing my self insert art, fanarts & original art and maybe my writing (AO3)

I intend to keep this blog mostly sfw but anything NSFW will be marked!

Some of my interests:

Twisted Wonderland, Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail, Mononoke, Hellsing, Golden Kamuy, JJBA, JJK, Undertale, AND MANY MORE

My Tags

#cor☁️request

#cor☁️rambling

#cor☁️selfinserts

#divine✨judgement (duo tag with @coffeemakesmeparanoid)

#the judge⚖️ (utmv selfinsert)

#the executioner🚬 (belongs to @coffeemakesmeparanoid)

#ut☁️cor

#twst☁️cor

#hsr☁️cor

#mononoke☁️cor

#poke☁️cor

to be extended...

Things I will not accept on my blog: rascim, transphobia, homophobia, zoophilia, pedophilia, pro-shipping etc

#cor☁️request #the judge⚖️#twst☁️cor #cor☁️selfinserts #cor☁️rambling #hsr☁️cor #mononoke☁️cor #poke☁️cor #ut☁️cor #intro post #introduction #blog intro #how does tumblr work #self shipping #self insert #the executioner🚬#divine✨judgement

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coffeemakesmeparanoid · 17 days ago

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this was one of the first sketches for Divine Judgement

At that time I, for some reason, kept forgetting that Judge doesn't actually have bangs so don't mind that

also don't mind my other alias under Executioner, I originally didn't exactly intended on really posting that much Divine Judgement but since me and @c0rc0ntritum build so much around these two and made so much art of them, I wanted to share it

so thanks to Cor for giving me the balls to post self insert art

Judge belongs to @c0rc0ntritum

#divine✨judgement #the judge⚖️#the executioner🚬#self insert #utmv #art #sketch #undertale self insert #duo art

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steinbit · 4 months ago

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update after being a sou'wester kinda guy for a coupla months now; i Absolutely Love it and can fully recommend it if u live somewhere where it rains a lot!! 🐟💙

yall heard it here first ; 2025 is the year im turning into the kinda guy who wears a sou'wester when it rains 🌧️

#it's been raining SO MUCH lately like we even got a flood warning!!#and yet my head AND face stays completely dry 🥰 i don't even need to dry my glasses when i take it off tihi 💙✨#the only downsides i've discovered so far is that i can't use my headphones while wearing it...#and like while i do have some wired earbuds i could use #my ears are Fucked Up so i should avoid or at least limit using any kind of in-ear earbuds #but that's more of a me problem u know #it can also get really warm especially on my forehead 😭😔#oh! another downside which is really petty and not Really a problem is that i can't do my usual hair style.. .#but that's such a not-problem i usually just go sighh..🙄 oh well 😒#i'm also still working on being less self concious while wearing it cause it brings me a Ton of joy #and like if people judge me for wearing it i don't wanna associate with them anyways so no loss for me #but... . . it's hard... . u know how it is orz #at least i haven't let it stop me yet Despite the anxiety 💪😤#does fish make noise??

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aesthetictarlos · 2 months ago

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congrats on 500 followers!! ❤️❤️❤️

8 ⧽. giving them unabashed heart eyes when they do something cute and getting caught (before they tell everyone they're back together)

Thank you so much, Janai ❤️

I hope you like it, I did my best to give your prompt justice ✨

Tommy's always had a lot of self-control but it's so hard not to cross the Buckley-Han living room in three long strides and pull his boyfriend into his arms to press a kiss on his birthmark.

The welcome home party for Robert Nash Han started three hours ago and Tommy's having fun but he's also losing his goddamn mind because Evan is always adorable but Evan holding a baby is the epitome of cuteness and adorableness.

How is he supposed to be normal and composed about it? He's been staring at Evan holding his nephew for the past half hour but no one knows they’re back together yet so there's nothing he can do except looking at him from a distance, daydreaming about a future in which they're the ones throwing a party for their kid.

“Earth to Tommy,” Hen says, waving a hand in front of his face. “You still with us?”

“Yeah, sorry, I zoned out for a moment. I'm a bit tired, my last shift was exhausting.” It's not exactly a lie because his last shift was actually gruelling but it's not the sheer truth either. He can't tell her he's trying not to do something stupid like getting down on one knee and proposing, can he?

“That makes two of us,” she comments, bumping their shoulders together. “I'm glad you joined us, Chim was worried you were going to say no.”

Tommy thinks he's getting away with it but of course Evan chooses that exact moment to blow a raspberry on Robert’s tummy to make him laugh and Tommy's absolutely gone.

“Oh my God,” she whispers, quirking an eyebrow and giving him an unimpressed look. “I don't know how I missed this, your heart eyes could be spotted from the moon, Kinard.”

He clears his throat, scratching at the back of his neck. “Uh– I don't have heart eyes.”

“I’m not judging,” Hen says soothingly, squeezing his forearm. “You should go talk to him, you know?”

Tommy nods nonchalantly, biting his tongue so he doesn't blurt out their secret. It's not that they don't want to tell people, they just want to keep things between them for a bit longer. “Maybe you're right.”

Evan turns towards them, looking absolutely delighted, and Tommy’s drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“Hey,” he murmurs, smiling softly. He strokes Robert's cheek with his finger, then meets Evan's eyes and all but melts at the fond gaze.

“Wanna hold him?”

Tommy nods and gets ready to take him, his skin tingling where Evan's hands brush against his arms. “Robert, do you know you're the cutest little boy?” he whispers, staring in awe at his chubby cheeks and little nose.

He's so focused on the baby that it takes him a few seconds to notice the warm, steady weight of Evan's arm around his waist.

“I love you,” Evan says, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Just like that, their secret is not a secret anymore.

#bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #allie writes #my fic #my writing #tevan #kinley

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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 5 months ago

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Chapter 3: But I Don't Want to Carry On Like Everything Is Fine

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!Reader, Reader POV

Summary: With a birthday printed on your wrist that happened over a hundred years ago, you always thought that you were cursed to never meet your soulmate. But when you finally meet the man that's supposed to be the other half of your soul, you wonder if the stars were wrong, and wonder how this man was meant for you. Reader is Hughie's sister, is not a supe, and is a Literature Professor that gets dragged into the middle of things. This fic takes place in an AU set loosely after Season 3 and does deviate from the plot of The Boys

Tropes: Soulmate AU, Little bit of Grumpy and Sunshine, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Protective Ben/ Soldier Boy, Jealous Ben/Soldier Boy

Warnings: I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy and we all know he's a warning. Homophobic comments towards Hughie (It's Soldier Boy y'all), Self deprecating thoughts, ANGST, SADNESS, HEART RIPPING OUT OF CHEST (figuratively because it's what it felt like to write this), Fear? Mentions of past graphic death, Mentions of torture (SB in Russia), Cursing, Mentions of past abuse (verbal abuse and it's SB doing it to someone because… we ALL know), Mentions of drinking, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Death, Loneliness, Longing, Basically the reader just wants to be loved, Reader wears glasses?, Soldier Boy might be a little OOC.

Word Count: 6.9K

Song Inspiration For Chapter: Love In The Dark By Adele (Title for chapter taken from this song)

Playlist For Series!✨

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

A/N: I know this chapter is a long time coming, but thank you so much to everyone who has loved this series so far, and for encouraging me to come back to it. I hope y'all are strapped in for a ride, because this is when all the angst starts to unfold… But also… I might have changed up the Soulmate AU even more in a crazy more heartbreaking direction so, there's that too

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Guide:

Reader's thoughts are in italics and in first person.

Ben's thoughts in italics, bold, and blue!

Previously:

"I've been looking everywhere for you sweetheart." The man rumbles, the words vibrating against your fingertips where they rest against his muscular chest. He smiles at you and somewhere deep down you feel something break open that you thought was locked away long ago.

And as you stand there looking up at the man you thought you'd never see again, you feel a flicker of something that could grow into a blaze.

You stand there in the silence that follows the words of your soulmate, the rough vibration of his voice still trembling through your fingertips where they lay against his chest, as you stare up into his hypnotic green eyes. The sunlight that streams in from the windows at you back traces the hardened edges of his handsome face turning his dark hair a honeyed brown. A smile pulls at the end of his lips, crinkling his eyes, and bringing a softness to the rugged features that make your heart beat quicken.

He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen and yet nothing what you’d expected. You briefly wonder if you were what he expected, but judging from the women you'd seen him with in his memories you weren't, given that you looked nothing like them.

The air around the both of you warms as electricity pops and crackles along your skin skittering against the flesh and bringing goosebumps in its wake. A wave of heat travels from where Ben's hand is gently cupping your chin in his calloused fingertips, that makes you feel like you're melting from the inside out.

Nothing else exists in the world except the two of you. There's no need to breathe, no need to see, and no need to speak, because all you know is your soulmate. You can feel the beating of his heart in your own chest, feel the thrum of electricity in his body along your nerve endings, and each breath he takes you can feel vibrate in your lungs.

You'd spent years feeling like a freak, lost, and out of place, but standing here with Ben so close that you can feel his breath on your face, makes you feel whole for the first time in your life.

He's still too far away.

A voice whispers in your ear and you long to close the distance between the two of you, to hold him tight and never let him go.

The date on your wrist sears hotter than it did the first day you met him burning through the foundation once again that you'd smeared across it to hide it and the golden cord that wove through the air securing his heart to yours seconds ago grows so hot that it turns a blinding white. And just as you think you'll have to shut your eyes from the brilliant light, the cord squeezes your chest to tight it takes your breath away.

You inhale sharply as a flood of emotions comes washing over you that aren't your own, memories that you'd only seen in your dreams flash through your mind as if you lived them, and Ben's eyes widen as he feels the same thing. His heart beats in tandem with yours, the space between you growing to almost nothing as the cord yanks you so close that you can feel his breath on your lips and his hands fall to your hips to steady you against him, sending goosebumps prickling over your body with his touch.

You'd read about what it was like to meet your soulmate before and people had tried to tell you, but for everyone it was different and no one ever described as anything like this. Especially not happening a second time after they'd crossed paths.

This shouldn't be happening, we've already met.

But you know you're not imagining this, you know that your soul is singing to Ben's, calling out to his and both of them are twisting between the two of you, weaving you together, binding you as one.

The spark in the pit of your stomach you felt the moment Ben's eyes locked with yours has begun to flare again until it burns into a wild-fire, but it's not love you feel, not compassion, not relief, or love, it's fear.

It sobers you.

Its cold finger drags down your spine and seizes in your chest, wiping away whatever else you're feeling for the handsome man standing only millimeters from you.

The Ben's memories you re-lived in your dreams come roaring back like a lion over a kill, each one more horrific than the last.

You see your soulmate standing triumphantly over bodies burned beyond recognition, see him beating someone into submission his fists splattered with red, watch as he laughs at the torment of his younger teammates and then opens his mouth to say something so repulsive it makes your skin crawl, and you see the proud smirk when he knows he's won, when he knows that he can't be beaten and no one can stop him.

He had no remorse in any of those moments, no compassion, no regret, there was only the pride and arrogance that comes with his belief that he had bested whomever attempted to challenge him.

Nothing about him is gentle, caring, or kind and nothing about him is anything like you.

You who'd never been in a fight your entire life, you who tried your hardest to make sure that no one ever felt what it was like to be alone as you had for so many years, you who always put others first, and you who tried to always find something kind to say about someone else.

Everything about your soulmate and who he is terrifies you, chills you to your core and wipes away the sensations that skittered along your skin and buried themselves in your heart moments ago.

He can't be mine. Not someone like him. Please no, anyone but him.

Your soulmate's head tilts to the side and his eyebrows furrow with confusion, mouth twitching into a frown, and you realize that he can feel your fear, maybe even hear it in the quick pulse of your heart or maybe he could smell it.

You weren't sure how his powers worked, all you knew was that you'd seen what he'd done with them, you’d seen the kind of person he was, and you wanted no part of that even if it meant being alone.

You'd spent your entire life waiting for this moment and now you wish it never came.

The cord between you snaps, the sound like breaking glass, but the man's emotions still remain in your head. You feel his confusion, his apprehension, and underneath it all you feel something else, something vulnerable that flicks away in an instant.

You step back from him, allowing his hands fall from your waist, prepared to run, needing to put as much distance between the two of you, but his fingers closes hard on your wrist just over his birthdate, hard enough to bruise.

I have to get of here.

"Where are you going?" He asks, his voice gruff, the sound of water over rocks, smoothing the sharp edges, answering your thought with a question.

"Please let me go." You say, unable to catch your breath and tugging at where his hand tightens around your wrist.

The feeling of his skin pressed to yours is overwhelming, begging you to curve into him, to sink into the warmth of your soulmate and never resurface for air.

But you can't. The fear is there, rising in the back of your throat, clamping down hard and stopping the rush of oxygen to your brain.

You weren't like Butcher, you didn’t hate supes, but you also weren't unrealistic or clueless about them. You didn't believe that all of them were bad, because with the bad came the good.

Your brother's soulmate Annie was proof of that, a supe that wasn't evil or callous or on a power trip to make others submit to her will. She cared for other people, used her powers to help others, but not all supes were like her.

Your brother had told you to stay away from supes like your soulmate, warned you about Homelander before he vanished, and warned you that not all supes were as they appeared. Although, Hughie had tried hard to keep his life separate from yours, Butcher believed you had a right to know that the supes who promised safety and freedom would be the first to take it away from you.

The stories Butcher had told you about Homelander kept you awake at night fearing for your brother and Annie’s safety, and your own. You knew that the new leader of the Seven, Stormfront, was just as bad, if not worse.

As much as you believed in the strength of your brother's soulmate, there was another part of you that knew she might not be a match for Stormfront, at least not on her own.

You yank your hand again trying to break his grip, but it doesn't move from Ben's grasp.

Why is she trying to leave?

Ben's voice in your head makes you hesitate, eyes widening as you look up into his face. You knew that Ben didn't say that out loud and yet you'd heard it.

Holy shit, how can I hear his thoughts? Can he hear mine?

You weren't a supe and you didn't understand why you could hear his thoughts and feel his emotions, or why you hadn't been able to feel or hear them in the year since the two of you met.

What the fuck is going on? Ben's voice says louder in your head and you don't understand what the hell was going on. No one in history had ever been able to hear their soulmate's thoughts or their emotions, you knew that for a fact.

"Let me go!" You say louder.

All other sounds of whispered conversations and tinkling glasses have stopped as everyone in the room turns to stare at the two of you.

Your emotions were overwhelming, the part of you screaming to run away fighting with the urge to get closer to Ben.

His confusion floods into you as well as a slew of other emotions from him that you can’t put a name to. He doesn't understand why you're trying to get away from him and why he can feel your emotions either.

"But-" Ben begins to say.

You're my soulmate. His thought finishes in your head.

"Let her go." Hughie says appearing on your left.

The confused look in Ben's eyes shifts to annoyance, the green hardening within a second. "Fuck off. This isn't your problem." He snarls gaze flicking to your brother who looks closer to anger than you'd seen him in years.

Ben's anger and annoyance comes in a wave of heat, scorching up your arms and into your chest, clawing against your ribcage.

What the hell is happening?

"Oi let her go mate." Butcher's voice joins Hughie's and you can feel the presence of the other man hovering just over your shoulder.

Truthfully you liked Butcher. You thought he was funny and that he cared more about other people more than he was willing to let on. Not to mention after he lost his Soulmate, Becca, Butcher didn't have much to do, so you’d invite him over for movie nights with Annie and Hughie so you didn't feel like the awkward fourth wheel. Butcher was as much your friend as he was Hughie's.

I didn't fucking ask to butt in you British cunt. Ben's thought burns through your body with a wave of his anger and you can feel the heat of his skin raise.

Another shiver of fear courses down your spine at the thought of Ben losing control and burning you alive just as he had done to his teammates.

Ben's eyes drop back to yours when you whimper in pain, trying to free your wrist from his grasp, and this time Ben releases you.

The warmth you felt from touching his skin is gone, leaving only a dull throb in your wrist as you clutch it to your chest, eyes wide with fear and horror.

Ben's eyes drag down your body to your wrist and you can feel a flicker of something that might be guilt, but you're not sure if he can feel things like that. All you know is that you have to get away from him.

Why is she afraid of me?

Ben's thoughts are back, vibrating through your skull and bringing a wave of emotion with it that's not yours. You back away from him, but Ben takes a step forward to fill the space you left behind reaching for you again.

"Don't touch me." You whisper, throat thick. You couldn't tell what were his emotions and what were yours colliding in your head, all you knew was that you didn't want him anywhere near you.

Stay away from me! You think taking another step back. Ben tilts his head to the side in confusion.

He takes another step towards you still not comprehending what is happening, frustration and confusion burning through the air between the two of you.

You'd seen the short temper your soulmate had, saw what happened to people on the wrong side of it, and you cringe away from him in fear. You didn't want to be on the receiving end of his fist or whatever the hell he had locked away in his chest.

Please don’t hurt me.

The thought comes before you can stop it and you watch something flash in Ben’s eyes that looks surprisingly like hurt.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben says, eyebrows furrowing together. “I’m your soulmate, I’d never hurt you.”

It confirms what you already know, that Ben can hear your thoughts just as you can hear his.

You back up into Butcher's chest and he drops his hands down on your shoulders to make you feel better.

Get your fucking hands off of her. She's mine!

Ben's voice roars in your head. The wave of jealousy and rage that you feel rip through your body at the feeling of Butcher's touch scorches against your insides.

"You should go." Hughie says calmly, but you can hear an edge to his voice.

"I'm not going fucking anywhere you overgrown glory hole!" Ben snaps, eyes flashing in the light of the sun behind you, the soft green long gone, but falling on you once more.

Why is she acting like she's not my soulmate? Like she doesn't want me?

Ben's voice asks in your head, the words snagging in something deep down that you thought you locked away years ago, the empty place inside that you longed for someone to fill, the empty place you knew that this man was supposed to belong.

No. No. No. Why is this happening to me?

"Hey, you don’t get to fucking speak to him like that in our house!" Annie shouts back at Ben, her eyes narrowed at the man who was at least two heads taller than she was.

It was all too much. You couldn't be here, not with all these people watching you. You move out of Butcher's grip and around Ben as close as you dare, trying to get to the front door and away from him. You could feel everyone's eyes on you and hear their silent judgement.

It reminded you too much of your childhood, the one you spent wishing that the whispers and odd looks would stop, the one when people would cross to the other side of the road like you had something contagious, the one where you felt so alone that you couldn't standing it and when you wished that someone, anyone, would fill the hole you felt inside for far too long. The same hole that you couldn't feel when Ben was touching you.

"Wait-" Ben begins to say, voice gruff, while trying again to grab you, but you dodge his hand and run full speed at the front door of the apartment.

Come back.

There's something behind those words that grates against your heart, but you don't turn around.

Hughie and Annie shout your name, but you're already gone. You can’t be here, not now, not with him standing there, not when he's everything you'd thought you'd never have and yet, everything that you fear.

Your footsteps pound against the cracked pavement, the world around you a soundless blur with every pump of your arms. Rain swats against your skin as you run, each slap of your bare feet against cracked pavement mirroring the thunder that shakes the buildings around you.

You'd lost your shoes the minute you broke into a run outside Hughie and Annie's apartment, and you were too afraid to go back for them.

Water trickles down your spine, bringing the chill of the rain with it, but you can’t feel it, the only thing you feel is the flood of emotions you'd had since the moment you ran into your soulmate again, the one who left you on the street one year ago like you meant nothing to him.

Funny, when that happened you thought that was the worst of it, but it wasn't.

What did I do to deserve this?

Flashes of your soulmate's memory echo the lightning above, the horrors you witnessed in the sweet abyss of sleep that haunted your mind. Bloody fists, blackened bodies, harsh laughter, and clips of dialogue play through your mind on a sickening loop.

You ran as if you thought you could leave it all behind, as if you could leave him behind, but he was everywhere. He was in the faces of the people in the crowds, in the sound of the thunder, in the thrum of your blood through your veins, in each beat of your heart, and in each breath you took.

The look he had on his face when you fled was there, bringing a wave of guilt for leaving him behind the way that he left you one year ago.

But he left me before he knew me. I know him. I've seen what he's done. I-

The thought brings the memory of the hurt that flashed through Ben's eyes at the apartment back into your head.

In all the memories you'd seen of him, you'd never seen him look hurt, but it was there somewhere, slipping through whatever warped telepathy the two of you had, the telepathy you didn't understand.

How could someone you waited for your whole life fill you with such dread? How could the man who was the other half of your soul, be anything like the man you met?

In the past you'd tried to imagine who it would be, what your soulmate would look like, how he'd treat you, and what kind of man he'd be. You'd seen a faceless man holding sunflowers out to you, a man holding you while you cried, a man sitting with you curled on the couch while you read through one of your favorite books with your head leaning on his shoulder, a man taking you to bed while your fingers clasped his above your head and the soft sound of his voice telling you how much he loved you, a man who touched you reverently, as if you were something to be worshipped, a man who made you feel safe and who would listen when you talked to him, a man who remembered the little things, a man who took care of you, and a man who sat with you while you graded papers and sighed to yourself at the end of a day that seemed endless.

Now it all seemed like a big lie, because your soulmate could never be that man. You'd seen exactly who and what he was.

The idea that you were cursed seemed to fit now, because there had to be something or someone above laughing at your expense, making you suffer all the years you were alone dreaming of a man who could be those things for you only to give you the one man who could be none of them.

Annie and Hughie were perfect in every way. All the little things that made each of them unique molded together to create something beautiful. They loved each other in a way that made your chest hurt to look at them.

You'd wanted that so badly for so long.

And now the stars laughed at you because they'd given you him.

You didn't think it would be possible for you to ever love someone like him. Someone who took from others and gave none in return, someone who found joy in the submission of others, and someone who hurt and killed with no remorse.

Monsters did that, men who thought the world owed them something or rather that the world should submit to them, men who took and took and never once cared what it did to the people around them, and men who never saw anyone else as an equal.

In the past you'd thought that your soulmate of all people would see you as something more than just a possession, but rather something that strengthened him, made him stronger with your love and care, made him a better man, and a man who saw you as someone, not something.

People clear out of your way, parting to watch what they must believe is a woman driven mad, running shoeless, down the streets of NYC in the middle of a torrential downpour.

And maybe you were crazy to run from someone who looked like your soulmate did.

There was no denying that he was gorgeous. He looked like he stepped right out of a book, the dashing dark-hared brooding hero with sharp features and green eyes you wished to lose yourself in. Your soulmate looked like every lead male character you'd imagined and fallen in love with in every book you ever read. The novels you read when everything in the real world was disappointing and bleak, the ones that opened their pages and welcomed you home, promised an escape from the mediocre and enveloped you in the extraordinary.

He looked like everything you ever wanted. Something taken from your unconscious and made real.

Why me?

The fear was back, the cold trickle that became a roar blocking out the little voice inside your head that scolded you and told you to turn around and go back to him, that you needed him, the little voice that told you he was yours, that he was made for you, just as you were made for him. The voice that promised after years of being alone and filled with a cold, empty feeling, all you had to do was turn around and run back to the sun.

But you can't go back, because you're not sure if your soulmate is even human anymore.

In the past your bathtub had been a place of solace where you could have a nice glass of wine and lose yourself in a good book, but today the warm water did little to sooth the anxiety prickling on the back of your neck.

There was a Rosemary Mint candle lit on the small counter next to the sink sending a flickering yellow light over the worn subway tiles in your bathroom. One of two candles Annie had gifted you for Christmas in a handmade basket full of things to pamper yourself and a candle that was supposedly good for "stress relief" but you were prepared to call bullshit on that given the state of your nerves.

The plush white bathrobe hanging on the back of your bathroom door, the jar of soothing lavender bath salts nestled into the elbow of your tub, and the face masks scattered on the bathroom counter also came from the same basket.

All of which served as another reminder of how perfect she was for your thoughtful and caring brother.

The thought brings a wave of sadness over you and you lean your head into your knees.

None of this was helping.

You couldn't remember coming home, didn't remember running up the creaky stairs to your floor, didn’t remember passing by Mrs. Charleson's apartment with the happily painted yellow door, didn't remember unlocking the five locks on your apartment door, and certainly didn't remember slipping into the warm bath you found yourself in.

The only thing you could remember was meeting your soulmate, feeling the warmth of his caress over your skin, hearing the smooth rumble of his voice like distant thunder, and seeing how the memories you'd seen did not do justice to the handsome and rugged features he had.

A shiver of fear follows and your tighten your arms around your knees.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be different.

You think to yourself as your eyes drift to the hand print on your wrist, the one that had already begun to turn an ugly blue and ironically was curved over the birthdate that glowed gold in the flickering light.

Why him?

A wave of guilt comes swiftly when you think of the way he looked at you when you thought that in front of him.

How could he hear my thoughts? How could I hear his thoughts and feel his emotions?

There were so many things about the soulmate bond the two of you had that made no sense. You knew for a fact that no one else could see their soulmates memories when they slept, but the ability to hear your soulmate's thoughts and feel his emotions? It was impossible. And unless someone had spiked your drink with compound V at the party, you still weren't a supe and had no idea what the hell was going on!

But you were thankful that you couldn't hear Ben's thoughts and emotions right now. You didn't know why that was and hoped it meant that it only happened when you were around him or hoped it meant that it would never happen again.

The memory of how you met Ben again sends a warm feeling from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Another mystery… why it was like that to meet Ben the second time.

None of your friends ever told you that it was like that to run into your soulmate a second time.

Then again what other soulmate leaves you standing in the street alone?

The golden cord glows behind your eyelids, the cord that bound Ben's heart to yours for a few precious seconds, a moment that lasted forever. You'd never heard anyone talk about a golden cord before either. Annie said that when she met Hughie it felt like fireworks, but she never talked about feeling like she was bound to your brother or told you that it was anything like what you’d experienced with Ben.

What the hell is going on?

When you'd told Mrs. Charleson that you were dreaming Ben's memories she'd said that she'd heard a myth about it, that it meant the two of you were "meant to share more than one lifetime together," (whatever that meant), but she'd never mentioned anything about a cord that wove soulmates together. You would have gone to talk to her after the train wreck that happened at the party, but you knew that she was still at work.

Despite the fact that she had more than enough money to retire, your neighbor argued that people "who slowed down got old." She'd been running a successful apartment and house cleaning business for years, but about a year ago a man had hired her to clean his apartment and cook for him full time. He'd offered her so much money that your neighbor no longer needed to clean anyone else's home and was employed as his housekeeper.

You didn't know anything about him, didn't even know his name, but your neighbor said he was a kind young man who often reminded her of her son and was richer than a piece of french silk pie. You supposed he was a wall-street guy or the founder of some tech company, but you couldn’t believe the descriptions of his apartment she told you or the pictures you'd shown you.

It sounded and looked like a palace so far in the air it might as well be a castle in the sky, but you wanted to see it in person.

You did like your apartment, but it was too small even just for you. The thought of having a place where you could have a real desk, sunlight, consistent water pressure, a breathtaking view, and no super who only responded to twenty dollar bills and asked you for pictures of your feet daily sounded heavenly.

Not to mention it would be nice not to live somewhere with walls so thin you could hear your neighbors having obnoxiously loud sex at all hours of the night like bats. You had no idea how they ever got anything done with so little sleep.

And yeah, maybe Mrs. Charleson and you had made fun of the guy's decorating choices, but you figured that maybe he just needed someone to help him pick out furniture that was a little more comfortable to make his apartment seem less like a museum and more like a home. Mrs. Charleson had said he was single anyway, which meant that guy probably hadn't met his soulmate and when he did, they would help him out.

The front door of your apartment opens and fear momentarily spikes at the thought of it being your soulmate, that he'd somehow figured out where you lived, and he'd find you naked and vulnerable in the bathtub.

But then you hear your brother shout your name from your living room and a wave of relief crashes over you.

"I'm in the tub." You yell back.

Honestly, you didn't feel like talking to anyone, not after the day you had. You wanted to forget it happened, to go to bed and go to work tomorrow as if everything were normal and not as if your life was falling apart. It always felt like it was falling apart, but today was exceptionally heart breaking.

"Can you come out?" Hughie asks. You can hear him lean his head against the door of your small bathroom and you imagine his frown.

"I don't feel like talking right now." You reply pushing your face further into your knees.

"I brought tacos."

You hesitate for a second. Your brother and you had always been close. Sure there were those awkward sibling moments and a little bit of sibling rivalry and times when Hughie annoyed you to no end, but he was your best friend. It was him who encouraged you to become an English teacher despite the constant disapproval from your parents, him who loaned you enough money to get out from under their roof and start your own life, and him who always knew just the way to cheer you up… hence the tacos.

"And a blind date from Inky's Inspirations." He continues.

Damnit.

Inky's Inspirations was your favorite used book store. You had spent many a weekend curled up in one of the holey reading chairs with a worn paperback in your hand, letting the rest of the world fall away while you were lost in a book that whisked you away on ink and paper with gentle prose. The store had started doing "blind dates," wrapping up books in brown paper with descriptors like "Will melt your panties" or "Made me realize I have a bondage kink" or "Supernatural creature hunter vibes" or "In case you're curious about what the inside of the Loch Ness monster looked like."

That last one had been a supernatural romance that you still weren't sure if you liked it or not. It had been interesting...

But you were under the impression that no one could have too many books. The books scattered all over your apartment and stacked up so high they hit the ceiling were proof of that.

You sigh to yourself cursing your thoughtful brother. "Give me a second."

When you come out of your bathroom wearing your favorite soft t-shirt and sweatpants, your brother envelops you in a warm hug, and unfortunately undoes the little relaxation you felt when you took a bath and makes you begin to cry.

Worse was that a little part of you wished that it wasn't your brother but your soulmate who was here holding you, or rather the version of the soulmate you'd invented in your head, not the man you’d seen earlier.

It made all of this worse, that you were still so alone and sometimes you couldn’t understand how you could feel so alone with so many people in your life who cared about you. But you wanted him, wanted the other half of your soul to hold you close against him, to feel the warmth of his body curving around yours as he told you that everything was going to be okay.

It hurt more than you knew it would, especially now that you knew he existed.

Sobs shake through your body as you cling to your brother and rub your nose into the front of his shirt as everything from today washes over you all over again. Meeting your soulmate again after a year, having all those feeling and emotions roll through you, seeing flashes of his memories again, and running away from him as fast as you could.

You felt lost and yet there was a voice whispering in your ear that told you that the only place that you could be found was back with the man who held the other half of your soul.

"Shh. It's alright." Hughie soothes, rubbing his hand up and down your back. "It's okay."

It was the same thing that he used to tell you when you were younger and nothing made sense, when it felt like you were a freak because of the date printed on your wrist. The same days when you'd ask yourself the ultimate question: would it be okay?

But now you knew the truth… it wouldn't be.

Because you'd hoped and prayed to meet your soulmate every day of your life, and now that you had, you wished that it never happened, because the man who grabbed you so hard it bruised your skin couldn't be the man you imagined falling in love with when you were a little girl.

"Are you okay?" Hughie asks you.

"No." You murmur pulling back to clean your tear smudged glasses.

Hughie was still wearing the light blue button down shirt from the party, and you feel a wave of guilt crash over you thinking that you ruined his and Annie's housewarming party.

Your brother presses his lips together. "I'm sorry-" He begins to say, but you interrupt.

"I'm the one who should be saying that."

"What? Why?"

"Well I ruined your party and-"

"Are you kidding? No you didn't! That asshole did-" Hughie frowns. "I don't know what he was thinking grabbing you like that."

You swallow the lump in the back of your throat remembering the grip Ben had on your arm.

"Did he hurt you?" Hughie picks up your hand to examine your wrist, frowning at the handprint. "What a dick!"

Your brother didn’t usually get angry, he was more of a suffer in silence kind of person who kept all their emotions a little more close to their chest, but he looks livid. "I swear the next time I see him I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. He shouldn’t have fucking grabbed you like that-"

The thought of your gentle brother yelling at Ben makes a lump of worry catch in the back of your throat. You didn't want Ben to hurt your brother, he was only person in your entire family that made you feel like you belonged.

"Hughie calm down, it's okay."

It wasn't and you both knew it.

"No it's not. He could have broken your arm!" He snaps.

"He didn't." You murmur.

But he could have.

Those words are like taking a bullet to the chest. You’d seen exactly what your soulmate was capable of and exactly how he acted when he didn’t get his way.

What did I do to deserve this?

"That doesn't matter! He didn't have a right to treat you like that. Like you're-"

"His." The word comes out before you can stop it. "But I kind of am." You shudder at the confession.

Even if you didn't want Ben in your life, it didn't change anything. He was still your soulmate. Every part of him was molded and shaped for you just as every part of yourself was molded and shaped for him.

Ben was yours, but you didn't want to be his.

Hughie shakes his head. "He might be your soulmate but you don't belong to him. You're not his property-"

"I know that but-" Your voice breaks under the weight of everything crashing back down over you. "How can he be my soulmate?"

Hughie whispers your name, but you keep talking. It was coming out of you, everything that you had pushed down, all the emotions you'd had as a child, because you didn't want to keep going like everything was fine, it wasn't.

It never had been.

"Why is he my soulmate? How are we anything alike? He's-" A memory of Ben ripping someone in half comes across your mind and it makes you feel nauseous.

"I mean I-" The tears were coming fast again now, hot against your cheeks. "I waited all these years, thought that he'd never exist, thought that I was going fucking crazy staring at this damn date on my wrist and after years of feeling like a freak I find out that the man I've been waiting for is him? How is any of this fair?"

"It's going to be-"

"Stop saying that!" You shout, hands clenched at your sides. "It's not Hughie! It's not going to be okay and I'm so sick of hearing you say it. Not everyone can be happy all the time and have a perfect soulmate. Some of us are fucking stuck with a barbarian who doesn't give a shit about anyone else and kills people for sport!"

Hughie recoils with your words and you feel guilty.

You didn’t mean to hurt his feelings and you knew that your brother was here to help you, but you were just so frustrated and confused over everything that had happened today. You had no idea what was going on and what any of this meant. It all made you feel helpless and you hated feeling like that.

"He's-" You squeeze your eyes shut as if it'll make the thoughts stop, but it doesn't. "He's nothing like me! He's-" The image of a body laying at Ben's feet comes flashing through your head with him standing triumphantly over it. "He's a monster."

You hadn't said it out loud until right now only thought it. The word seems harsh, but you didn't know what else to call a person who killed and hurt other people with no remorse. In all the memories that you’d relived of your soulmate that was the ingredient missing.

Remorse.

Regret.

Guilt.

Shame.

All were things that would have made you reconsider going back to Ben if he'd felt those things after killing or hurting someone, but you didn't feel a shred of any when you watched him tear people apart with his bare hands.

You wonder if it had something to do with being tortured in the lab all those years, if being put through that changed him, but you’d seen memories of him acting just as terrible years before that happened.

"Someone like him isn't capable of feeling love! You can't do all the things he has with no remorse and still be capable of that." By now you were babbling, your voice barely recognizable from the sobs and shaky breaths you kept taking to stabilize yourself, but the truth was you were on the verge of a panic attack. Your eyes shift to your brother's concerned expression. "I'm sorry Hughie I-"

Hughie hugs you again, holding you so tight against him that it hurts. “You don’t have to be sorry. I know you’re frustrated. And I don't understand why he's your soulmate either. You have no idea what I’ve seen him do.“

“I don't know what to do.” You whisper into his shirt with a sniffle, still trying to calm the rapid breathing and beat of your heart, but nothing was working.

Because what the hell should you do?

You'd lived so long believing that you’d never meet your soulmate and even though the thought of being around him terrified you, there was another part of you that was begging you to go back to him.

The fantasy version of Ben manifests again, the one you'd imagined when you were a little girl dreaming of the day you'd get to meet the man who would complete you. Now those fantasies mocked you, every year you spent celebrating the birthday of your soulmate alone in the darkness of your apartment, every minute you spent trying to shrug off the taunts of the people in your hometown and your own parents when they saw the date on your wrist, and every second you spent hoping that it would happen to you while a little voice in your head told you it wasn't meant to be, that someone above cursed you to be alone forever.

All the hope you'd felt was a lie.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this and now that I’ve seen what he’s done I… I don't think I could ever love someone like him."

"No one is asking you to." Your brother says.

"I know that, but- He's still my soulmate."

I want to love him. A little voice deep inside said, it was the same one that was begging you to give Ben a chance, but you ignored it. You had seen the kind of man he was and you wanted no part of him in your life.

You take in a shaky breath and pull back from Hughie to examine the handprint shaped bruise on your wrist right over the golden birthdate that glows against your skin. "I'd rather be alone than be with him.”

The words hurt to admit to yourself, especially after all the years you’d spent wishing that you wouldn’t be alone and watching everyone else get the happy ending you so desperately wanted.

But none of that mattered now. Soulmate or not, everything about Ben scared you, and it didn't matter that the universe said he was yours, you knew in your heart that he couldn't be and that you'd never be able to love someone like him.

And miles away, on the other side of the bustling city that never sleeps, your soulmate sat on the end of his large bed in his empty apartment and looked down at his own wrist, tracing an ugly blue bruise that looked surprisingly like a handprint over your golden birthdate, and the first bruise he'd had in over eighty years.

A/N: Welp, I told y'all it was sad and oh my stars it broke my heart to do this to Ben. 😭 I'd like to say that the next chapter I have planned is less sad... but oh man I think it's worse 😅

As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, comments, and likes are not required, but are always welcome and appreciated! I really love hearing what y'all think. ❤️ If you'd liked to be added to the taglist for this series please let me know :)

Taglist:

@reidtomewinchester @livya99 @pascal-rascal424 @xaviersgifted @zepskies

@bagpussjocken @bitchykittenconnoisseur @kamisobsessed @goldenmaknaes @ophennie

@infinityonhighhhhh @modiddys-blog @globetrotter28 @roseblue373 @tulipsvanilla

@annoyingrebelsoul @soldiergrimes @megara0224 @zpandaqueen @ladykitana90

@corruptedcruiser @podiumackles @criminalyetminimal

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@amyjam78 @emisworldd @jollyhunter

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dakusan · 4 months ago

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How skz use emojis (with tier rankings)

stray kids ot8 x reader | humor, chaos, soft delulu

🌙 synopsis: some of them are emotionally stable. some of them use emojis like they’re decoding ancient scripts. this is how skz would text you—via emoji abuse, unhinged chains, and the occasional soft heart. ranked. judged. exposed.

💌 a/n: you ever get a message from someone and it’s just 6 emojis in a row and now you’re spiralling? yeah. that’s what this is. from curated ✨ aesthetics to 🧍‍♂️ level nonsense—i studied them like a scientist. they all have different love languages. most of them are unhinged. p.s. if you’ve ever said “he texts just like han” i’m sorry for your loss p.p.s. reblog before you catch feelings over a cat emoji

📍credits: @cafekitsune for the divider

🎶 Now Playing: "Super Shy" — New Jeans

Tier system:

S-Tier: dangerously iconic. elite use of emojis.

A-Tier: knows what they’re doing. emotionally stable… for now.

B-Tier: inconsistent but charming.

C-Tier: concerning choices.

F-Tier: chaos. emotional terrorism.

Bang Chan // 방찬 emoji usage tier: A-Tier he knows what he’s doing. most of the time. go-to emojis: 😭 ☠️ ❤️ 🤷‍♂️ how he uses them:

uses 😭 for literally everything. laughing? crying? annoyed? it’s always 😭

dramatic boy energy with the skull ☠️, usually after you roast him

says something incredibly vulnerable and follows it up with “lol ❤️” to soften the blow

overthinks emoji tone so ends up sending 3 different ones just in case

example messages:

“i swear if you ghost me 😭😭😭” “i wrote a song and accidentally made it about u lol ❤️“ “u make me feel things ☠️ unfollow” ”did u eat?? answer wisely ☠️❤️”

Lee Know // 리노 emoji usage tier: C-Tier only uses emojis when he’s trying to be annoying or dangerously flirty go-to emojis: 🐱 👍 😐 🙃 how he uses them:

thumbs up 👍 is his passive-aggressive specialty. it’s his period at the end of a sentence

randomly sends 🐱 when he’s pretending to be cute (it’s working)

uses 😐 to emotionally terrorise you

thinks emojis are cringe unless he’s being a menace

example messages:

“ok 👍” (you’re in trouble) “i’m ignoring u rn 😐” sends a pic of soonie with 🐱 and no context

Changbin // 창빈 emoji usage tier: B-Tier his emoji game is emotional gym bro meets softie energy go-to emojis: 💪 😭 🖤 🐷 how he uses them:

💪 = “i’m tough” but also “i’ll carry you to bed if needed”

😭 every time he gets flustered or fake-upset when you don’t answer

uses 🖤 when trying to sound cool but he’s actually a mushball

has sent 🐷 once in a self-roast and you never let him live it down

example messages:

“did u eat?? u better 😭” “thinking about u at the gym 💪” “stop being so cute omg 😭🖤”

Hyunjin // 현진 emoji usage tier: S-Tier curated like a Pinterest board. devastatingly effective. go-to emojis: ✨ 🤍 🥺 😭 how he uses them:

sends ✨ in between words like poetry

🤍 when he’s being soft and vulnerable (aka always)

🥺 because he knows you can’t handle it

occasionally drops a 😭 when he’s being dramatic (every day)

example messages:

“you looked like a dream today ✨” “i’m gonna paint you someday 🤍” “i miss u. painfully. 😭🥺” sends an aesthetic pic of the sky with no words and just ✨

Han // 한 emoji usage tier: F-Tier you are NOT safe. no pattern. pure chaos. go-to emojis: 🤡 😭 🐸 🙈 🧍‍♂️ how he uses them:

uses 🤡 for self-roasting AND flirting. dual purpose.

sends 😭 100x and means a different thing every time

will drop 🐸 + 🚗 with no context and expect you to understand

sends 7 emojis in a row. still says he’s being “normal”

example messages:

“i accidentally flirted with u. my bad 🧍‍♂️🤡🙈” “love u lol 😭🐸” sends frog emoji + heart + explosion + traffic light “decipher that. it means i miss u”

Felix // 필릭스 emoji usage tier: A-Tier sunshine-coded chaos. go-to emojis: ✨ 🥺 💛 ☀️ 🫶 how he uses them:

overuses ✨ and 🥺 in the most endearing way

💛 = you’re in trouble (but in a soft way)

will send 🫶 with no words and you’ll still melt

sometimes throws in a kiss emoji and immediately follows it with “ignore that”

example messages:

“i saw this cat and thought of u 🥺✨” “don’t skip lunch okay? 💛” “i love you more than brownies 🫶” “wait i sent that kiss emoji by accident pls don’t—”

Seungmin // 승민 emoji usage tier: C-Tier (and proud of it) cold-blooded texter who occasionally slips go-to emojis: 🙄 👍 😐 😎 how he uses them:

sends 👍 like a mic drop

🙄 is his love language (you hate it. you love it.)

pretends emojis are dumb but once sent 🫣 by accident and panicked

sends them sparingly. it hits harder that way.

example messages:

“you’re so dramatic 🙄” “sure. 👍” “not thinking about u or anything 😐” randomly sends 😎 and refuses to explain

I.n // 아이엔 emoji usage tier: B-Tier youngest = chaotic emoji prince go-to emojis: 😩 🧃 🐸 💥 🥹 how he uses them:

will text like he’s casting spells with emoji chains

uses 🥹 when he wants something from you

somehow turned 🧃 into a flirt tactic??

once sent 💥🐸🧍‍♂️ and said “that’s us”

example messages:

“wyd 🧃🐸💥” “you’re kinda my fav person 🥹” “u like me? say yes or i’ll explode 💥😩” “this emoji reminds me of you 🧃 (don’t ask why)”

#stray kids #Stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #lee know x reader #minho x reader #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #han x reader #Jisung x reader #Felix x reader #seungmin x reader #jeongin x reader #i.n x reader #sundaysoftdrops

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jin-likes-to-write · 5 months ago

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❤️‍🔥NSFW ❤️‍🔥Sex Headcanons for Five Hargreeves

Template credit: here

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He's focused on his partner, clean up and hydration is priority.

All giggly, a soft clingy mess as he wraps himself tightly around his partner.

Enjoys all the praises and gives out just as many as he gets. So much love bombing in the best way possible.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

He's fond of his smile and his arms specially when they are wrapped around his partner.

Chest he's always been attracted to breasts in general but his partner's is far superior. He will take naps on them, fondle and care for them. Five loves seeing breasts in a nice tank top, blouse, dress or a sports bra.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

He's very vocal when he cums, like loud and very whiny breathy sounds.

There is always a lot of cum, like thick creamy cum that leaves you feeling full. Perhaps it's the Marigold?

Five adores decorating his paramour in his cum, dripping from holes, off breasts, lips, fingers it looks beautiful.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

First orgasm blinked in the middle, landed in a field, it was a nightmare. Covered in cum, grass and leaves panting heavily, swearing up a storm. It was the most intense moment but also the craziest.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's not terribly experienced, but he's a quick learner. Five gets overstimulated quickly but he’s eager to work through it.

He’s also never one to judge someone’s experience level there are certain things to be snarky on but something as intimate as sex wasn’t the spot. Though that doesn’t mean he won’t tease you a little if you like that.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Any position that has easy access to breasts by mouth or hands.

Any position that he has near to full skin to skin contact, the baby is touched starved and in the throes he’s needy for your skin your scent.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

During he’s rather to the point but not like super serious he’s just focused on pleasing his partner.

Afterwards? Damn he’s a giggly mess all the happy chemicals swimming around making him so hazy he just laughs. It’s so sweet when’s he’s over stimulated from an orgasm, wrapped around his partner like a koala trembling from the orgasm.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

It’s well groomed and maintained.

He has no real preference in the hair of his partner it’s what they are happy with.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

A lot of soft kisses, sharp bites, heated promises that might last the morning.

Lots of praise and worship, there is always a hand touching you just in case you were to uncomfortable or even disappear. He’s got an abandonment issues, ya know?

J = Jack off (Masturbation Headcanon)

He ultimately jerks off before bed to help him sleep. His job is stressful so he needs a good night sleep and that knocks him right out.

He loves to jerk off for his partner and watch his partner as well.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Three of his favorites in no particular order: oral (giving/receiving), bondage more focused on the Shibari method. (Though he could do fantastic with Kinbaku.) and cockwarming.

He’s a big fan of breath play and semi-public sex but only if his partner is, if they are not he’s not going to force them.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom is the top location. ✨ ✨ 10 out of 10 ✨ ✨

Office closest for a quickie, or boldly at his office desk ranks next for sure

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

The intense focus his partner has when they are working, it’s like none other and always gets him riled up.

The way they can hold themselves in an argument with him or in a spar it’s like you were a gift sent from above.

The soft scent of vanilla and English lavender wafting up from the dots of perfume on their neck sent him shivering under their touch as they pepper him with kisses.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

The second his partner seems off he’s stopping no matter what he could be about to cum, he’ll pull right out and check on them.

He’s very much for consent as under Reginald there wasn’t much room for consent in his daily life so he practiced it the second he was at the end of world. And it just stuck because it is just polite manners.

Even if there is something he doesn’t understand why it’s a no he will respect it and will weight it out and ask as to why. He only seeks to know to help next time to make things better for you to avoid any triggers.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves giving! He’s applied his technique for Blinking for oral in a way? Like when he Blinks the time from one spot to another he has no air so he’s perfected holding his breath. So he’s great at burying himself deep in your pussy lapping up the juices and bringing you right to the edges

Five also loves receiving! He’ll get his dick sucked anywhere you want to, he loves it loud and sloppy deep and full of eye contact. The more eye contact the better and both of your hands all over each other at the same time.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s good at setting and keeping a good pace he likes the passionate, desperate and longing lustful kisses towards each other.

But allowing you to pick the pace allows him to enjoy your beautiful image before him and whisper to you in Italian. “amore mia…”

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s all for them, he’s got endurance and can enjoy multiple sessions in a day if needs be.

But on the same side he’s all for edging and holding off of quickies if it means a lot more fun later. Ya know? Though he’s very grouchy the longer he edges.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s experimental to a point as long as all parties (you heard me) are in agreement and no harm will be done he’s good.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Five has a great endurance that sometimes can be a bit more than his partner might be able to handle. He’s very understanding of this fact though and they have worked out a system.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He uses a fleshlight and likes his partner to use it on him as well. Though he won’t admit it but a cock ring is a guilty pleasure toy of his.

He’s fond of using toys to add with the pleasure a dildo in your ass for added pressure a vibrator on your swollen clit for extra sensation and a thrust of his cock in your pussy is simply divine.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Five is a big tease, he’ll flirt and edge you on all day with that smarmy smile on his handsome face.

He also loves to be teased but has a short tolerance for it though as he gets overstimulated easily and can end up in a bad sub-space.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s very vocal with whines and groans that can curl toes in pleasure.

Five has no shame in letting people know what he’s doing. He does enjoy the challenge of “hold the moans” and he’s competitive.

When he’s closing to cumming he’s gets louder, voice higher pitched, panting and the strained whines as he’s nearing his orgasm can send you to yours.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He wants to orgasm at the same time as his partner and Blink somewhere safely. The pocket subspace in between jumps is euphoric mid orgasm the lack of oxygen and the blur of rush of moving so fast and far. It’s a thrilling feeling.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s wiry but that doesn’t means he’s not strong all that running around he’s very toned.

He’s got a good length that has a decent girth a very sensitive vein that runs along the left side.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

With the knowledge he has of the wizened old man he is and the hormones of the teen his body is stuck with he’s got a high sex drive. But he also matches his partners sex drive never wanting to force them to do anything they don’t want to do just because he was horny.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s asleep as soon as his partner has been taken care of cleaned up and warm and close to him. He sleeps the best after a good orgasm with his partner next to him.

#jin writes #my writing #smut #five hargreeves headcanons #tua five #tua smut #five hargreeves smut #five x reader #five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves x you #the umbrella academy #tua #aged up five #tua headcanons

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