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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 12 days ago

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The 20 Best Films of 2024 (And the 10 Worst)

I fucking love movies.

Most people following me know that on some level, but I haven’t really showcased that love in a long while. Over the past couple of years I felt really drained and unmotivated, and my review series I did all petered out. And it made me sad. I WANT to share my opinions, I WANT to talk about things I’m passionate about! So I decided about halfway through 2024 I was going to do something big to bring my blog back: Watch as many new releases from 2024 as possible so that I could make an end of year ranking of my favorite movies!

Since I decided to do this halfway through the year, it made watching the films I actually wanted to see fairly easy since everything was able to be pira—er, watched completely legally on various streaming platforms. Max and Prime were big helps, as was Netflix towards the end of the year when my wife got it for her yearly month-long binge of Christmas films. My only rule was that the film needed to have a wide release in 2024—a few films had festival screenings in previous years, but I counted them for the purposes of my list. This also, sadly, meant Better Man and Wallace & Gromit were ineligible (but they’ll likely be ion my 2025 list near the top).

I gave myself a little leeway and extended my deadline to mid January just so I could make sure I didn’t miss anything I really wanted to see, as well as so I could watch movies from other years. I managed to watch 77 newly released films, and while I didn’t get to see everything I wanted to I was incredibly happy with what I did see.

This was a really good year for queer films and horror. For the former, I watched four different movies with queer themes with three of them focusing on trans folks, and of those four three were extremely good! In fact, two of them made this list, and one that didn’t—The People’s Joker—is still a fantastic work that puts a fresh spin on well-worn characters while telling a coming-of-age story! With the latter, we just got some truly fun and inventive films that showcased what the genre can do in the hands of skilled filmmakers; even more flawed horror films like Late Night with the Devil and Alien: Romulus were still really good and fun, albeit held back by some glaring and often frustrating issues (CGI necromancy for the latter, AI generated image use and a shitty finale for the former).

Surprisingly, this was also a decent year for superhero cinematic universes, mainly because they all slowed the fuck down. Marvel released a single film—Deadpool & Wolverine—which managed to be a fun crowd-pleaser as well as releasing the wonderfully witchy Agatha All Along to Disney+. DC put out two shows this year, The Penguin for the Reeves elseworlds and Creature Commandos as the animated debut of the new main DC film universe’s continuity; the former is a fantastic crime drama full of excellent performances that gives one of the best portrayals of Batman’s most versatile villain yet seen, while the latter is a decent-but-nothing-too-special ultra violent animated series. Both studios are looking to have interesting futures, and at any rate they’re both doing way better than Sony, who not only gave us now news on Spider-Verse but also shat out the three worst films in their already abysmal cinematic universe. Honestly, I think creating a six film run in a cinematic universe where none of the movies are good is an incredible feat!

But most of all, this was a great year for women. Most of my favorite performances of the year came from immensely talented actresses giving it their all: Mikey Madison, Margaret Qualley, Kathryn Hahn, Aubrey Plaza, Anya Taylor-Joy, Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Lauren LaVera, Alisha Weir, Liza Soberano, Kathryn Newton, Naomi Scott, Willa Fitzgerald, Lupita Nyong’o, Kristen Stewart, Cristin Milioti… The Ladies were killing it this year. Three stand above all the others for me, however. The first is Zendaya who, between Dune and Challengers cemented herself as one of my favorite actresses; the second is Lily Rose-Depp, who with Nosferatu gave a performance so good it completely erased Yoga Hosers from my mind; and finally there is Demi Moore in The Substance, who gave the best performance of the whole year, hands down.

Before we get into the top 20, let me just give a brief rundown of my ten honorable mentions. If there wasn’t a 30 image limit, I probably would’ve covered these, but oh well. Lisa Frankenstein is a shockingly charming and macabre directorial debut from Zelda Williams and a welcome return to form for Diablo Cody; Blink Twice is a gripping psychological horror thriller dealing with themes like gaslighting, sexism, and wealthy tech bros abusing women (a very topical subject) and features perhaps the best performance of Channing Tatum’s career; Smile 2 is a wonderfully crushing downer of a horror film, with a fantastic lead performance from Naomi Scott; Trap is M. Night going full goofy with a black comedy about a serial killer who keeps rolling nat 20s on his persuasion checks; Rite Here Rite Now is a kickass concert film for the band Ghost with story bits interwoven, and features a Scooby-Doo homage music video for “Mary on a Cross,” finally embracing their role as goofy Scooby-Doo chase music; Juror #2 is a fantastic late-career film from Clint Eastwood that features a fantastic performance from Nicolas Hoult, though it unfortunately released in a year where the guy had even better performances; Strange Darling is a dark thriller told out of older that is incredibly stylish but maybe a bit too full of itself; Road House is an awesomely stupid remake that fully embraces the goofy spirit of the Swayze original while telling its own story, complete with cartoonish logic and fights; The Wild Robot is a great (but a bit overhyped) found family story; and Love Lies Bleeding is basically Drive for lesbians with macrophilia, fulfilling the sort of niche none of us knew existed but we should be thankful is around. I’d also like to shout out two contenders that would have been higher if not for glaring issues—Late Night with the Devil and Alien: Romulus. The former has numerous moments that break the immersion of its setup and an absolutely terrible finale, while the latter employs CGI to bring a dead actor back to life and leans far too heavily on nostalgia for much of the middle portion of the movie. Both are still really good, but their glaring issues hold them back.

Now, onto the main event! Keep in mind, this is all just my opinion and not the objective list of what's best and worst, and you're free to agree or disagree as you see fit:

20. The Fall Guy

I really loved Bullet Train and Deadpool 2 is a really solid superhero sequel that might actually be funnier than the original, so it’s safe to say David Leitch is a director I enjoy. Now, how about throwing in Ryan “Literally Me” Gosling instead of Brad “Wife Beater” Pitt as the lead and also throwing in Emily Blunt, Winston Duke, and giving Aaron Taylor-Johnson a chance to actually act? You’ve got yourself a fun, funny little stunt extravaganza. It doesn’t quite reach the highs of Bullet Train but it gets pretty close, and if nothing else it managed to convince me Kiss didn’t suck for the duration of its runtime (they play “I Was Made for Lovin’ You” about every five minutes, and it honestly rules every time).

19. I Saw the TV Glow

I sometimes worry I’m not going to be able to pick up on metaphors or allegories, no matter how obvious. I watch a lot of horror and superhero movies, y’know? Simple stuff. I worry it makes me too stupid. But I was able to fully grasp the trans allegory of this movie, and absolutely loved it and thought it enhanced the narrative. Justice Smith absolutely kills it here; the dude is great at playing mumbly autistic people uncomfortable in their own skin, and this is the peak of those roles. He absolutely sells the final, soul-crushing party scene at the end of the movie in a way few other actors could. Also Fred Durst is here, and while this seems a funny tidbit, he actually delivers a line that is so unbelievably brutal that it instantly made me hyper aware of the themes of the film. I actually passed out the first time I tried watching this film, and thought that it sucked because of it; as you can see, I’m glad I gave it a second chance.

18. Conclave

I was worried a stuffy drama about holy men vying to become the Pope would be boring, but boy am I glad to be proven wrong! This is a film that is mostly old men talking to each other, but they’re also scheming, plotting, and acting like bitchy mean girls as they try and become the next head of the Vatican. Ralph Fiennes puts in a fantastic performance here, and the film’s views on faith and religion are actually pretty relevant to me (someone who has a complicated view of religion). Throw in a jaw-dropping final twist and I can see why this film is so heavily hyped as an awards darling—though I don’t necessarily think it should win.

17. Abigail

I’m sure you all are aware of my love of vampires, especially vampires with a singular defining theme. I have created vampire OCs with gimmicks ranging from a lost cosmonaut vampire to a traumatized WWII veteran clown vampire to a former Cosa Nostra boss vampire to a vampire who’s the king of Atlantis… But let me tell you, the fact I somehow didn’t think of “Vampire ballerina” is something that will haunt me forever, especially when it was done so perfectly here. The titular vampire’s profession of choice is utilized amazingly in how she moves and kills, and it makes her one of the most unique and fun horror antagonists in recent memory. The fact the rest of the film is funny and engaging is icing on the cake, really.

16. A Different Man

I love movies that are character studies about people who are literally the fucking worst, and Sebastian Stan’s character here is a very interesting take on this. He’s a man who feels his deformity is what causes people to not like him, so he gets a procedure to make him ‘normal’… And then along comes a guy with the same issue as him (played by Adam Pearson) who is the fucking Rizz Master and who everyone loves. It turns out the whole time he just fucking sucked! Stan is absolutely great and proved to me he’s the real deal after multiple MCU projects where he bored me to tears, but Pearson is the one who steals the show here. He’s just an unbelievably charismatic figure, a real fun guy, and without him the film just absolutely wouldn’t work. How he keeps getting overlooked for awards is beyond me.

15. Megalopolis

Every single opinion you will hear about this film is correct. It’s great, it’s awful, it’s genius, it’s moronic… It has to be seen to be believed. I saw this for my birthday, expecting it to be a glorious trainwreck lovingly crafted by an aging auteur who saw this as their ultimate passion project… and that’s exactly what I got! I think every decade needs its own take on The Room, and this is that film if it had an even more insanely huge budget and a director who actually has genuine talent and some semblance of knowledge about how a film is supposed to be.

14. Terrifier 3

The Little Slasher Film That Could! A truly inspiring film, one that managed to make a massive profit despite being a grisly, gruesome splatter film the likes of which haven’t been seen since… well, since Terrifier 2 really. The plot is a bit weaker than its predecessor, but what it lacks in story strength it makes up for in buckets of blood and pitch-black comedy. David Howard Thornton gives his best turn yet as Art, cementing the demonic clown as a modern horror icon with an impressive physical performance.

13. In a Violent Nature

One of the year’s most polarizing films due to its concept: It is a slasher film that follows the killer as our POV, and that means lots of slow, methodical walks through the woods as he seeks his victims. There’s lots of lingering shots and slow pacing, feeling like a real-time hiking simulator… but there’s something so fresh and engaging about it, and when we finally get to the kills they are easily some of the best the slasher genre has seen in years. Does the ending car ride drag on maybe a bit longer than it should? Sure, but I still enjoyed it for fleshing out the film’s world a bit more while hammering home the themes. I think this might be one of the only slasher movies I could reasonably call a genuine work of art.

12. Deadpool & Wolverine

I’ll be the first to admit this is not a great movie; the story is basically nonexistent and everything that happens seems to be contrivances that exist so that Reynolds and Jackman can bounce off each other. But this isn’t a bad thing! Jackman wisely brings his A-game when he could have easily half-assed this role at this point, and Reynolds manages to squeeze out a few solid emotional moments from Wade Wilson. And while the film is a terrible sequel to the first two Deadpool movies, it is a wonderful Deadpool themed meta-commentary and tribute to the Fox Marvel films of the 2000s, movies that tended to suck ass and that most would find unworthy of respect. Not this film; it brings back characters like Johnny Storm and Elektra and uses them in fresh and funny ways that will make you feel at least a little something for that era of superhero cinema. This is a fun fanservice fest—and the perfect demonstration of why we don’t need any more after it, because they could never be as good as this.

11. Wicked

Yes, the lighting is bad and the direction isn’t exactly anything special. Let’s not give Jon M. Chu any credit for why this film is so high up. No, it is the absolutely stellar cast that carries this film, with Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande knocking it out of the park in their roles as Elphaba and Glinda. Their developing friendship feels sweet and genuine, and their songs all hit as hard as they should, with the “Defying Gravity” sequence easily being one of the year’s highlights despite the sun’s best efforts at ruining the moment. It’s just nice to see a fun, colorful, campy fantasy musical get this big. We need more like this.

10. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

It’s nice to see the world of Mad Max expanded and it’s even better to see how Furiosa became the woman she was in Fury Road, but the real star of the show here is Chris Hemsworth as Dementus. It is mind-boggling how good an actor he is when he gets to let loose, and this might genuinely be the best performance of his career. Just a damn good film, but what else can you expect from Miller? Its biggest flaw is it just isn’t as good as Fury Road—but what movie even is?

9. Transformers One

The trailers for this movie didn’t look particularly good, and the Transformers franchise had long lost any goodwill in my eyes, so this was a movie I fully expected to fly under my radar. But then along came a Twitter user who did nothing but hype this film up to the high heavens, and so I had to give it a shot… and boy am I glad I did, because this is easily the best animated movie I saw last year (I did not get a chance to see Flow or Memoirs of a Snail, which I’m sure are better movies). For the second time in the year Chris Hemsworth pulled off a shockingly great performance, but this was truly Brian Tyree Henry’s film; his performance as D-16 AKA Megatron is genuinely fucking amazing. He truly manages to sell the future Decepticon's fall from grace and make it believable while also managing to sell the friendship between him and Optimus before it all goes to shit. Easily the best film in the entire franchise so far.

8. Sonic the Hedgehog 3

Family films really didn’t get better than this one this year, a feat that is monumentally impressive when you remember this is the second sequel to a movie based off of a video game and that easily clears both of its predecessors. It is paced like its title character and isn’t quite as funny as the last two, but it’s much more tightly plotted, the action is incredible, and best of all the emotional story beats it pullls off with Shadow and his tragic backstory hit just as hard as they should. As perfect as Shadow is, the movie wouldn’t be half as good without Eggman and his interactions with Gerald Robotnik; Jim Carrey, the man who once refused to do sequels, managed to give two of the best performances of his career in one film, delivering a fantastic character arc with Ivo and his toxic yaoi with Agent Stone as well as the zaniness-masking-depravity of Gerald. An utter joy of a film, a joy only compounded when a certain song kicked in at the finale and my daughter turned to me with a big, excited grin. You can’t buy an experience like that.

7. Anora

You know all those movies about hookers with a heart of gold like Pretty Women, these live-action fairy tales where a sex worker is swept off their feet and saved from their situation by a rich guy who loves them? Well, this is the antithesis to those, a dark and realistic take on those very stories that still manages to be very funny thanks to strong performances across the board and excessive amounts of profanity. If Demi Moore wasn’t in the running, I would be throwing my full support to Mikey Madison for Best Actress, because she rules in this.

6. Heretic

I really, really love Hugh Grant. I love how he’s taken his charming leading man image and used it to play sleazy, conniving villains, weaponizing his established charisma to play the nastiest guys imaginable. And let me tell you, his performance here had me sympathizing with fucking Mormons. I think maybe the movie goes on a bit too long for its own good—there’s a point where I was thinking “Ok, I get it, can we please just wrap it up?”--but the fact this is so high on my list should tell you that I don’t think that really holds it back much.

5. Challengers

Tennis is not anything I give a shit about, but for the duration of this movie it was the actual coolest thing in the world. This is the tale of the world’s three most toxic people, and the ultimate tennis match that will decide their destiny all with the backstory of what led to that match woven in. Zendaya cemented herself as one of my favorite actors with this film, the cinematography is genuinely insane (there is a fucking tennis ball POV sequence!!!!), and Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross deliver one of their best scores yet… Why isn’t this film drowning in Oscars? How did it get snubbed this badly?

4. Nosferatu

Robert Eggers might be the greatest modern horror director. He has an impeccable sense of style, an attention to detail when it comes to historical accuracy that is genuinely insane, and the ability to always get the best cast imaginable for his films. Bill Skarsgård is unrecognizable as Orlok, a role that manages to surpass Pennywise in sheer vile wickedness, but it is in fact Lily Rose-Depp who gives the greatest performance of the film. She is truly the heart and soul of this movie, and showcases the sort of acting talent her father wishes he still possessed. This might be the first horror remake since the 80s that manages to surpass the original, though with that said there aren’t many surprises here. It knows how good the original story is, and doesn’t change too much. What it does add is crucial to the plot, though, especially showing us Orlok’s penis.

3. Dune: Part Two

I wasn’t the biggest fan of the first Dune. I liked it well enough, but it felt like a whole lot of setting up and not enough delivering. Well, guess what? This film delivered. Oh fucking boy did it deliver. Austin Butler debuts as Feyd-Rautha, one of the most badass and bloodthirsty villains ever put to film, and despite not getting the winged panties Sting had manages to steal the show and leave a lasting impression despite his brief screentime. But even better than that—but only by a little—is Timothee Chalamet’s Paul’s journey from a desperate hero trying to survive into a full-blown dark messiah who buys into his own hype and whips his followers into a frenzy. It is genuinely chilling seeing what he becomes, and it has me excited where the third and final film will take him. Also Christopher Walken is here. And worms. I really love big worms and Walken.

2. The Substance

People have tried so hard to apply deep meaning to this film and say it has complex moral themes. And sure, it does have strong morals and themes, but let’s not kid ourselves here: This is an R-rated Goosebumps episode. And that’s why it’s fucking amazing. It’s gross, it’s gory, it’s nasty, it’s ridiculous, it’s cartoonish, and it features Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley going all out with their performances. This film has one of the best third acts of the year, because while it does drag on quite a bit it continually gets crazier and crazier. This would easily take my top spot, but there’s one film that’s even better...

1. Hundreds of Beavers

I did not know what to expect when watching this. After hearing so many online reviewers like Schafrillas and YMS rave about it, I definitely was uncertain that I’d find this to be quite as good as the hype would lead me to believe. But let me tell you, to say this film surpassed my expectations is an understatement. This is the funniest film I have ever seen in my life. This is a black and white (mostly) silent film comedy that showcases such a joy and appreciation for the art of film, a movie that oozes charm from every pore. It genuinely needs to be seen to be believed. It has one of the best protagonist journeys from nobody to badass I've ever seen, and it features some of the funniest gags I've ever witnessed. My daughter walked over when she heard me laughing, started watching, and laughed her ass off at the movie too. Genuinely a masterpiece.

Go. Go watch it. It’s free on Prime Video, it’s free on Tubi, stop fucking reading this, go and watch Hundreds of Beavers, and then come back here. It’s fine, I’ll wait.

Alright, now that you’ve seen peak cinema, it’s time to talk about the dogshit.

Even with watching so many movies this year, I surprisingly enjoyed most of them. Sequels I expected to despise like Moana 2 and MaXXXine ended up being decent but heavily flawed, cartoon slop I thought would be irredeemable crap like Thelma the Unicorn and The Garfield Movie ended up being surprisingly decent and surprisingly mid respectively, and Madame Web was perhaps the funniest piece of shit Sony ever churned out. Kung Fu Panda 4 and Venom: The Last Dance are really the closest to genuine “dishonorable mentions” I have, but neither of them are that bad. Like, they definitely suck, but they have enough good points to them where I don’t want to put them on this list. The same goes for hilarious streaming garbage like Nanoshark and Cinderella’s Revenge. Sure, the former feels three hours long (it’s barely over sixty minutes) and the latter ends up squandering its fun premise and dickriding Elon Musk (I’m not kidding), but it’s hard for me to muster up anger at schlock meant to be put on as background noise.

But I still saw some fucking awful movies this year that I hate with a passion. Here are all ten of them:

10. Poolman

Poolman is the directorial debut of everyone’s favorite Chris, Chris Pine… and it is a perfect demonstration of why he needs to stick to acting. Imagine, if you will, Chinatown crossed with The Big Lebowski. Now imagine The Dude is the most annoying, insufferable moron imaginable. That’s essentially what this film is. There is some mild entertainment in some of the bizarre, rambling conversations the characters have but it never truly feels like a worthwhile experience.

9. Emelia Pérez

Is this the absolute worst film of the year? No, absolutely not; if anything nice can be said about this film, it’s that it is competently made and all the technical aspects are sound. But it is probably the most offensive film of the year, delivering some of the most problematic depictions of Mexico and the trans experience you can imagine. This is basically a Mexican minstrel show desperately trying to be some grand, operatic tale of a cartel boss who tries to right their wrongs and live as their true self. It comes off as incredibly tone deaf and cringeworthy, with the transition feeling more like a way for the title character to escape her sins than anything else, which tarnishes a story that genuinely sounds fascinating on paper. Throw in a bunch of nonsensical musical numbers that are uniformly awful and a cast that has a poor grasp on the Spanish language, and you have a movie that’s offensive to everyone from man to woman, from woman to man, from penis to vagina.

8. Nosferatu

Yeah, that’s right, two Nosferatus released in 2024! And the difference in quality couldn’t be more night and day; while the Eggers film is a stylish remake that tells the familiar story with enough of the director’s own ideas to make it a unique and engaging experience, this film is a shot-for-shot remake that looks like it has the budget of a Channel Awesome movie (with the acting talent to match). The one saving grace is that the inimitable Doug Jones portrays Orlok, but even he isn’t enough to redeem this pointless slop. There are three better versions of this story you could be watching, the original and two remakes that justify their existence. Don’t waste your time with this glorified fan film.

7. The Crow

I’m not usually one to say a role died with an actor or that some stories are just not able to be remade, but The Crow is definitely one of the exceptions. Brandon Lee owned the role of Eric Draven, and the original film is perfect 90s gothic action; it’s a story that doesn’t really need a retelling. They could have easily just done a spin-off sequel like they’d done before, but no, they decided to randomly slap the names of Eric and Shelly on two characters who end up being in name only and tossing them into a sloppy supernatural murder thriller with forgettable villains and piss-poor characterization. Bill Skarsgård is probably thanking God every night he had the role of a lifetime in Count Orlok to fall back on, because a performance as bad as his Eric is would be more than enough to tank an actor’s career in any other year. Yet, even as bad as this is, it somehow isn’t the worst comic book adaptation of the year.

6. Hellboy: The Crooked Man

With The Crow, I can see why it was remade. Sure, the end result is a pile of shit, but I at least can admit there is some level of artistic integrity there; they wanted to try and put a unique spin on a familiar story, that they failed catastrophically is another thing entirely. This movie, though? This is one of the most cynical adaptations ever created. It is so blatantly an ashcan copy—a cheap production churned out as quickly as possible to cling to the rights—that it’s genuinely painful to watch. It has the look and feel of a fan film, and not a very good one; this is the Spider-Man: Lotus of Hellboy films. Frankly, this one makes me appreciate the Harbour-led film even more. Sure, that movie was a sloppy trainwreck of a dozen plotlines, but at least it had cool gore and Ian McShane! This movie has next to nothing of value.

5. Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie

You’d think that giving SpongeBob’s coolest friend her own feature-length adventure where she gets to save the day would be a good thing, especially since she’s often sidelined in the theatrical releases. Well, you’d be wrong! This is easily some of the most insufferable SpongeBob content ever shat out by Nickeleodeon, with bogus and uncomfortable grossout humor, a padded plot filled with random action sequences that do nothing to advance the plot, and a bunch of poorly-acted villains with annoying gimmicks. Wanda Sykes’ Sue Nahmee in particular is just an absolute eyesore once her true nature is revealed. I absolutely love Sandy, she’s one of my favorite characters and has been since I was a kid, so when I tell you it stung to see her time in the limelight be such a dumpster fire you’d better believe it.

4. Harold and the Purple Crayon

I honestly don’t know why this film exists. I don’t even know what to say about it. The fact that no one looked at this, a film where Zachary Levi plays a manchild who represents a grown-up version of a beloved cartoon character who enters the real world to go on a stupid journey, and thought “Hey this actually fucking sucks and maybe we shouldn’t release this into theaters” is absolutely astounding. This is a film destined to pad the bottom of the bargain bin at Wal-Mart, with the copies going unsold for years and years. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if they released the Blu-Ray straight to the bargain bin. This is the kind of crap I’d expect to see on Netflix.

3. Kraven the Hunter

Sony really had a fucking abysmal year. Madame Web was the insane, stupid comedy gold we’ve come to expect from their Spider-Man minus Spider-Man cinematic universe, but it also showed that the novelty of a series comprised of nothing but bad movies was wearing thin. Then came Venom: The Last Dance, a meandering and mediocre finale to the beloved campy Venom trilogy that ditched the fun and queer undertones for an almost incoherent sequence of random events occasionally interjected by Knull sitting on his ass and yelling at people like he’s Steven Seagal on set of his latest movie. And then as their final gift to us, they managed to put their stupid franchise out of its misery with this brutal death blow of a film. Kraven is bad in the worst possible way: It is incredibly fucking boring. This is astounding because not only is this rated R and able to take full advantage of Kraven hunting, it also has the perfect character to delver a badass anti-villainous role. But they don’t do that; instead, they make Kraven into a pretty boy anti-hero with Aaron Taylor-Johnson giving a performance so dull it convinced me he was a bad actor until I saw The Fall Guy. It’s truly pathetic that after six films they couldn’t manage to get even one thing right. It’s the miserable end to a historically awful franchise. I truly hope Disney gets the full Spider-Man rights back soon, because I trust Sony with these characters about as much as I trust a toddler with a live grenade.

2. Borderlands

I have never played a Borderlands game in my life, but if they are even remotely like this movie I don’t think I ever want to. This movie is what everyone who hates the MCU says every Marvel movie is like; flat characters, bad action, stupid quippy “he’s right behind me isn’t he”-ass dialogue, baffling casting choices, and the world’s most annoying comic relief character all congeal together into this disastrously bad sci-fi adventure. I guess we’ve been pretty spoiled with good video game adaptations lately, so they had to release a bad one to even things out. At any rate, this is the sort of black mark a Zionist dog like Eli Roth deserves on his career. With any luck, it will keep him out of the director’s chair for a very long time.

1. Joker: Foile à Deux

As many of you may know, Tom Green’s Freddy Got Fingered is one of my all-time favorite films. It is a troll film, a film where Green is deliberately pushing the limits of gross out comedy and sanity at the expense of the studio; it’s a film that is deliberately off-putting. I’m also a fan of the John Leguizamo vehicle The Pest, a movie where the main character is made to be as deliberately annoying as possible, a film designed to be as horribly offensive to everyone as possible in the hopes it crosses the line enough times you’ll laugh. These are films I admire for their edgy, stupid, confrontational style; they will not appeal to everyone, and that’s fine, because while they are certainly laughing at your expense they’re laughing at everyone else’s expense as well.

This film is very similar, except that it’s only laughing at you. You, the viewer, are the punchline of this movie and it spends its plodding runtime hammering that in and telling you over and over how much of a stupid fucking idiot you are. The film is half the most banal courtroom drama you’ve ever seen, one where they do nothing but recap the first film, and half a terrible jukebox musical where the songs are just there to be there and are poorly sung. All of it is built around picking apart the first film and repeatedly hammering in that you’re stupid for liking Joker, the original film and the character. Now this isn’t an idea wholly devoid of merit, especially because of the wild misaimed fandom of the character, but Todd Phillips lacks the intelligence and maturity to tackle something as profound as that. He is truly a shallow filmmaker, unable to grasp these deeper ideas and so settling into surface-level style to distract you from how awful the screenplay is.

Genuinely, the worst part of all this is the incredibly tasteless moment where Joker is implied to be raped by prison guards, something that crushes his spirit and removes all his desire to be Joker (something he spent this whole film up to this point getting back to, despite the whole first film covering the same plot beats). There is so much wrong with this, so much that needs to be unpacked. Did he not realize the sort of messages this sends? Did Phillips really not think through the implications of Joker being cured of his Jokerness by being sexually assaulted? Considering his numerous crimes and the fact that he’s the fucking Joker, is this not implying in a way that perhaps the ends justified the means here? Honestly, I’m putting more thought into this than Phillips put into the whole movie. He just wanted to say “screw the audience” without finding ways to make it fun, engaging, or entertaining.

People are going to look back on this film in a few years and try and convince you it’s good. Don’t listen to them. It isn’t. This is a fucking disaster of a movie, and you are genuinely better off just watching the first film again; if you’re dead set on watching this, hit yourself on the head with a hammer while watching the first one and you’ll get just about the same basic effect. Any film that wastes Lady Gaga this badly is a crime against nature.

#2024 #movies #list #end of year list #opinion

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foxes-that-run · 7 months ago

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Where do Broken Hearts Go?

WDBHG and four overall has a 80s sound. WDBHG sounds like a Belinda Carlisle's Heaven is a Place on Earth, both are anthemic 80's songs. In this video is the Spotify visual, TV Special, Four Hangout and when Harry changed the lyric to "Will you ever F*** me again" in Sydney 8 February 2015. It refers to I Love You which Harry wrote under a pseudonym and included lyrics from Taylor's Red.

When was it written & who with

Harry wrote WDBHG with Ruth-Ann Cunningham, (who later wrote No Control and on Niall's solo album) Teresa Geiger (Little black dress), Ali Tamposi and Julian Bunetta. It’s likely it was written over a period of time (December 2013 - May 2014) with these collaborators rather than all in one day with all these people.

7 December 2013, London, seems to be the day shown in the Spotify visual, based on clothes.

12 March 12 to March 25 2014 Teresa Geiger, posted pics on him being in a studio in LA and Harry was in LA and has lunch a 21 minute drive from the LA studio it was recorded at (Dojo Studio). (it was also recorded at Wendyhouse London) This also close to when JALBOH and Stockholm were written.

On 8 May 2014 One Direction record Change your ticket in Fasano Hotel, Rio De Janeiro which is credited in the booklet. The TV Special shows Harry recording WDBHG there (2:25) but the hotel is not credited so that version is not the final vocals, or they used an earlier one.

It was announced 10 November 2014 and Niall says it is his favorite in the Four Hangout and Harry says thank you.

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Niall, All] Counted all my mistakes and there's only one Standin' out from the list of the things I've done All the rest of my crimes don't come close To the look on your face when I let you go

The theme of crimes (stealing, kidnapping)

So, I built you a house from a broken home Then I wrote you a song with the words you spoke Yeah, it took me some time, but I figured out How to fix up a heart that I let down

Home theme, Harry refers to home often. Here the is broken between him and the muse and the muses home. At this time Taylor parted with her publicist who cited her parents fighting as an issue.

The song with the words you is “I love you” performed by Alex and Sierra:

[Chorus: Zayn, All] Now, I'm searchin' every lonely place Every corner, callin' out your name Tryna find you, but I just don't know Where do broken hearts go? Where do broken hearts go?

Lonely is a theme of Harry’s work. Harry is searching everywhere for this person, drawing imagery of how far Harry was travelling, as if always in search of this person.

[Verse 2: Liam, Harry, All] Yeah, the taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue Is at the top of the list of the things I want

Harry was seen wearing the outfit in the Spotify visual on 7 December 2013, this first line (taste of your lips is top of the list) reminds me of Christmas, when what do you want from Christmas was a common 1D interview question.

Mind is runnin' in circles of you and me Anyone in-between is the enemy

Circles refers to the theme of round again, a cyclical relationship. The only other circular lyric of Harry’s is ‘same mistakes’ which also refers to mistakes. Here like in Same Mistakes Harry is singing to a muse with an on/off relationship that keeps coming back. And in A.M ‘swimming round in our glasses’. Taylor has also posted about cycles and the winding wheel.

Anyone in between is the enemy refers to people others coming between them.

Shadows come with the pain that you're runnin' from Love was something you never heard enough Yeah, it took me some time, but I figured out How to fix up a heart that I let down

'Shadows come from the pain you're running from, love is not something you’ve heard enough.' Brings to mind “who’s this shadow holding me” in Stockholm Syndrome. Here the shadows are haunting the muse, earlier Harry referred to a broken home and here they have not heard love again and he feels sad for having added to their feeling of wanting for love. Harry has figured out how to not let them down and needs to find them to fix it.

[Chorus: Zayn, All] Now, I'm searchin' every lonely place Every corner, callin' out your name Tryna find you, but I just don't know Where do broken hearts go? Are you sleeping baby by yourself Or are you giving it to someone else? Tryna find you, but I just don't know Where do broken hearts go? Where do broken hearts go?

Harry is not with the muse when the song was written, he’s wondering if they are with someone else.

[Bridge: Harry, All] Tell me now, tell me now Tell me where you go when you feel afraid (Where do broken hearts go?) Tell me now, tell me now Tell me, will you ever love me again, love me again?

In the bridge Harry asks where the muse goes when they are afraid, presumably of love. In Sydney on 8 February Harry changed the first “will you ever love me again” to “will you ever f*** me again?” On the same day Taylor watched Ariana perform JALBOH at the Grammy's, Harry and Taylor had broken up but she was not yet dating Calvin.

The bridge further confirms Harry is singing to someone he shared love with before and was not with.

[Outro: Louis, Harry, Zayn & All] Tell me where you're hidin' out Where do broken hearts go? Come on, baby, 'cause I need you now Where do broken hearts go? Tell me, 'cause I'm ten feet down Where do broken hearts go? Come on, baby, come and get me out x2 Come on, baby, 'cause I need you now Where do broken hearts go?x4

In the outro Harry writes that he needs to find the muse, asking them to tell him because he is “ten feet down” as in dead and buried. This is a theme of love that is alive at the cemetery referred to again in HYGTG, Two Ghosts, OOTW/LAWYMMD transition, down bad and loml.

Harry goes on to write “Get me out” of the grave, as in come back and bring him back to life. He has no life without this person. Earlier in the song Harry says he let the muse down, now he’s asking them to pull him up out of the grave he’s found himself in for breaking her heart. He’s asking for forgiveness

#Where do broken hearts go #one direction #Harry Styles #Haylor #WDBGH #song analysis #Lyric analysis

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evidence-based-activism · 24 days ago

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Hi lovely!

I love your blog and how well versed you are bc there’s been such an uptick in men spreading misinformation and just being statistically illiterate to push the idea that women are just as bad or worse than men.

I know you’ve countered the notion that women are just as abusive/initiate abuse most of the time and that women commit child abuse more. Can you give some insight on black women specifically because I’ve seen so many black woman hating black men claim that black women are just as abusive as black men (mind you black women face the highest rates of ipv in the U.S. overwhelmingly at the hands of black men). And I’ve seen them claim that black women disproportionately commit child abuse.

They constantly throw this in black women’s face to say that we can’t call out black men’s violence towards black women (and women in general) because we’re worse so I’d really appreciate it <3

Hi!! Thank you!!

For this question, I've gathered what I can find, but unfortunately not much work disaggregates by both sex and race, particularly for intimate partner and/or child abuse.

That being said, I do want to be clear that much of the data I've already posted is inclusive of Black women. For example, this post refutes the idea that women abuse children more than men, and is based off data that includes both White and Black men and women.

Homicide

You didn't mention this specifically, but we do have very clear data that Black women commit substantially fewer homicides than both White and Black men. (And a clarifying post on this topic.)

Since these posts compare Black women to White men, here is some additional information comparing Black women to Black men.

One analysis [1] found Black women were the offender in 3.86% of all homicides whereas Black men were the offender in 51.52% of all homicides.

Another analysis [2] found the Black male homicide offending rate is around* 20 times higher than the Black female homicide offending rate. *Slightly different for each age group.

Black men also had substantially higher rates of violent crime than Black women for violent crime in general [3-5].

To preempt any misinterpretations at this point, please see this post about "racial" differences in crime rates. In summary, while the gap between male and female crime rates is consistent, research suggests that the racial gap (i.e., within a particular sex) is best attributed to other factors.

---

Intimate Partner Violence

Here, the data I've talked about in the past, particularly the issues with conflict tactics scale, apply to Black women as well as White women.

When women defend themselves against their male partner's abuse (and evidence suggests most defensive violence is by women), they are often criminalized as the aggressor. I highlight this in my recent post about the logical issues with the "equality of violence" approach. Some work [6] suggests this is particularly true for Black women.

For example, this Canadian study [7] describes the criminalization of some Black women who were victims of intimate partner violence. Further, Black women are more likely to face intimate partner violence than White women [7, 8], and may face additional barriers to getting help [9, 10]. All of this suggests that Black women are being incorrectly labeled as the perpetrator when they engage in self-defense against their abusive partners.

Unfortunately, I cannot find any specific evidence that directly confirms this. However, we do have research indicating Black women are more likely to engage in physical self-defense [11], and while the past work on how women's defensive violence is mislabeled as offensive was not race-specific, current work suggests it does apply (possibly even especially) to Black women.

---

Child Abuse

Most of the information I have on sex differences in child abuse is in the above-linked post. Unfortunately, there isn't great data on the prevalence/incidence of child abuse offending at all, much less data disaggregated by both race and gender.

That being said, we do have evidence [12] that "Black children were disproportionately identified as potential victims of abuse ... despite milder injuries" which indicates that either Black children are being misidentified as abuse victims or White child abuse victims are being overlooked. Either of these would distort the little quantitative data we have.

Furthermore, similar to the post clarifying the racial gap in crime, higher rates of abuse among Black families are more likely the result of other factors (e.g., poverty) that happen to correlate with race, rather than race itself. This is particularly relevant in cases of neglect (which, as discussed in the linked post, may not be "true" neglect but a marker of poverty) which are what women (including Black women) are usually accused of.

Unfortunately, I don't have any better data on this topic right now, but I will keep an eye out for it!

I hope this helps you!

References under the cut:

Fridel, E. E., & Fox, J. A. (2019). Gender differences in patterns and trends in u. S. Homicide, 1976–2017. Violence and Gender, 6(1), 27–36. https://doi.org/10.1089/vio.2019.0005

Alexia Cooper & Erica L. Smith. (2011). Homicide trends in the united states, 1980-2008 (236018; BJS Special Reports). Bureau of Justice Statistics. https://www.ojp.gov/library/publications/homicide-trends-united-states-1980-2008

Hindelang, M. J. (1981). Variations in sex-race-age-specific incidence rates of offending. American Sociological Review, 46(4), 461. https://doi.org/10.2307/2095265

Alexandra Thompson & Susannah N. Tapp. (2023). Criminal victimization, 2022 (307089; Criminal Victimization). Bureau of Justice Statistics. https://bjs.ojp.gov/library/publications/criminal-victimization-2022

Charles Puzzanchera, Sarah Hockenberry, & Melissa Sickmund. (2022). Youth and the juvenile justice system: 2022 national report (305721). Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/library/publications/youth-and-juvenile-justice-system-2022-national-report

Serran, G., & Firestone, P. (2004). Intimate partner homicide: a review of the male proprietariness and the self-defense theories. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 9(1), 1–15. doi:10.1016/s1359-1789(02)00107-6

Duhaney, P. (2022). Criminalized Black women’s experiences of intimate partner violence in Canada. Violence against women, 28(11), 2765-2787.

Catalano, S., Smith, E., Snyder, H., & Rand, M. (2009). Female victims of violence. Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Morrison, K. E., Luchok, K. J., Richter, D. L., & Parra-Medina, D. (2006). Factors influencing help-seeking from informal networks among African American victims of intimate partner violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 21(11), 1493-1511.

Gillum, T. L. (2008). Community response and needs of African American female survivors of domestic violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 23(1), 39-57.

Powers, R. A., & Bleeker, K. (2023). Self-defense and police reporting of intimate partner violent victimization: A comparison of White, Black, and Hispanic women victims. Journal of interpersonal violence, 38(3-4), 4189-4214.

Diyaolu, M., Ye, C., Huang, Z., Han, R., Wild, H., Tennakoon, L., ... & Chao, S. D. (2023). Disparities in detection of suspected child abuse. Journal of pediatric surgery, 58(2), 337-343.

#feminism #male violence

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ateez-himari · 6 months ago

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Hii!!! How are you doing?? i recently found your blog and I'm obsessed with your writing and also with hima💗

And I was wondering did hima and mingi ever had an intense argument when they began dating, cause couples tend to fight all the time yk?? And if so how did they solve it? Thank youuu💕💕

Hii I'm doing good and thank you so much!! 💕 At first because of the huge fight pre-hiatus it was mostly lovey dovey, making up for what happened back then but the middle of their relationship definitely saw some fights.

Most of it dealt with the closeness Himari has to other male artists in the industry (one of them being Mingyu - if you want to look at the relationship post wink wink) because as we know he tends to get quite jealous. Lots of them would start off with him being closed off after an event until she asked him about it, and after some relatively heated back and forth about it, Himari would assure him that at the end of the day despite the differences they had had, despite the risks to their career, despite everything, she had chosen him. Living apart from each other - in the 3 person dorms - definitely helped with that as well since they were more used to being apart from each other (especially after 5 years constantly together).

We can probably guess that there are some issues with fanservice in any couple in the industry and with Mingi gaining much more confident off-stage he's gotten a lot more flirtatious with Atiny (bbyongming is sleeping outside atm, paying for his dad's crimes). It's not that Hima has gotten less confident (on the contrary) but since she's online more now that the hate has died down a lot, she's seen what people are saying about him and it makes her uncomfortable/jealous. She managed to hold it in for the most part until the fansmeet in Japan - and it's not necessarily that he did anything wrong, it was actually cute how he gave Atiny that rose - but it was kind of the breaking point.

When they went back to the hotel that night, she wouldn't talk to him in fear of blowing up in his face but the second he speculated that she was uncomfortable with some of the fanservice, the dam broke. There were definitely a lot of things said that night that both regret, and tensions that day were relatively high still so she spent the day hanging around the older members, not interacting with him unless she absolutely HAD to. It was after singing one of their back to back verses that they realized they needed to sort this out so they went on a walk and talked things over, setting new boundaries, explaining exactly why they were uncomfortable, and both eventually ended up laughing at how absolutely ridiculous this is. At the end of the day they chose one another (and if one cheated, the other members would probably jump them)...but know that even despite this knowledge they'll probably keep passing that jealousy around like a ping pong ball

Also thank you for this question, I actually had so much fun coming up with an answer!! 💕💕

#ateez au #ateez imagines #ateez 9th member #ateez extra member #ateez female member #himaask

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yanderes-galore · 1 year ago

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Could you do a romantic concept for yandere Peter B Parker from Spiderverse, please?

Sure! Forgive me if this is tame, I can't see him being that bad.

Yandere! Peter B. Parker (Spider-verse) Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Overprotective behavior, Fear of abandonment, Some emotional manipulation, Kidnapping, Delusional behavior, Violence, Forced relationship.

I feel, if anything, Peter falls into the pathetic yandere category at times.

He is a pretty realistic depiction of a Spider-Man in his 40s (based on what he's gone through)

He isn't a teen anymore.

His life hasn't always been easy, he's seen things and made decisions both good and bad.

However, he isn't really incapable of being a yandere.

He would just make you feel bad for him more than most.

Think of it... he isn't really intimidating nowadays, if he even was.

He'd fall into the clingy and overprotective category more than anything intimidating.

If anything Peter acts more like a teddy bear at times.

Towards his darling he tries to appeal to you the best he can.

Peter has some self-esteem issues after his divorce with his wife (ITSV AU).

His biggest fear is losing you in any way.

He feels he should push his past to the side and pursue you.

Peter would take his new feelings for you as a sign to change.

He can forge a new future... he can pull himself out of this slump...

He just feels he needs you to help with that.

He's affected by his past relationship and past in general... but he tries to push past it and change things for you.

Peter is delusional and very dedicated to you.

He's delusional to the point he imagines things that didn't happen between the two of you.

Peter would spend his free time stalking you and thinking of fantasies between the two of you... he's completely lovestruck.

There's times he has entire dreams of the teo of you... only to wake up and see them be fake.

It gets to the point he breaks his own heart when he realizes everything is in his mind.

For the most part he'd be harmless.

As in, he wouldn't kill anyone over you.

He may beat some people up but he restrains such thoughts, even if he's jealous.

For the most part Peter just likes to cling to you.

Before he decides to bite the bullet and act on his feelings, he clings to his fantasy idea of you.

When he finally takes you to his apartment he clings to you physically.

He isn't overly manipulative, but he is emotionally draining.

You'll end up caving into his desires at times because he's so... desperate.

He allows you to roam his apartment but if he has to leave he'll use his webs to keep you still.

He hates forcing you to do anything.

He'll try to be patient with your "relationship" but often occupies himself with thoughts of his fantasies.

Honestly overall Peter is just a pathetic (in the cute way?) man who wants to indulge in sweet fantasies he has with his darling.

He just thinks of cute couple things like dates, gifts, your future together... maybe even kids since Miles has opened him up to that.

However, despite him trying to play his mannerisms off as being a cute boyfriend...

He's still kidnapped you... you don't care if he's a hero or not... everything he's doing is still a crime.

Spider-Man has really let himself go...

In more ways than one.

Regardless of what you think, Peter still tries to tell you he'll make things up to you!

He gives you gifts and attempts to give physical affection.

He tells you stories about his fantasies.

He cleans his apartment up just for you.

Really, Peter is quite docile and would do anything for you...

Just don't leave him! If you did... then he may have to restrain you again with his webs.

#yandere into the spider-verse #yandere itsv #yandere peter b parker #yandere across the spiderverse #yandere atsv #yandere into the spider verse

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queensafire · 1 year ago

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Omniboyfriends Dynamics

Prime-Verse: Partners that make everyone question their relationships

23-Verse: Both are gremlins nothing more nothing else

Mad-Verse: Trust issues

No Watch-Verse: Reverse Role Dynamic (credits to: neonross for the lovely ideas)

Bad-Verse: Partners-in-crime act like Toxinelle and Griffe Noire

Zarro-Verse: Touch them and your dead wetheir from the zombie or the feline

Nega-Verse: Both can tolerate and find the other a good company.

#Ben 10 #Mad ben #Bad ben #BenVerse #Nega ben #No watch ben #Benzarro #ben 23 #Omniboyfriends

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gatekeeper-watchman · 3 months ago

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Good Morning World Daily Devotionals for November 20, 2024

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 28:17-18 (KJV): 17 A man that doeth violence to the blood of any person shall flee to the pit; let no man stay him. 18 Whoso walketh uprightly shall be saved: but he that is perverse in his ways shall fall at once. Proverbs 28:17-18 (AMP): 17 If a man willfully sheds the blood of a person (and keeps the guilt of murder upon his conscience), he is fleeing to the pit (the grave) and hastening to his own destruction; let no man stop him! 18 He who walks uprightly shall be safe, but he who willfully goes in double and wrong ways shall fall in one of them.

Thought for the Day

Whoever sheds human blood is on his way to the pit (the grave and hell), for a man will reap what he sows. The Bible tells us that the penalty for murder is death; this verse tells us not to try to stop that process. However, even a murderer can be saved from hell if he accepts what the shed blood of Jesus did for him on the cross and confesses his sin.

Capital punishment is a difficult subject. Some believe that it is just to condemn murderers to death while others think the death penalty is too cruel a punishment for civilized society. Christians are also divided on the issue. Some support the Old Testament law of capital punishment, while others oppose it, basing their stand on the New Testament teaching of forgiveness. Does this mean that the Old Testament and New Testament are in opposition to each other? Since God does not contradict Himself, perhaps a deeper understanding of the Bible as a whole is needed in order to reconcile the truths, since each view contains a measure of truth. Throughout history, various governments have enforced the death penalty for certain crimes such as murder, but it was God Himself who inaugurated capital punishment, before any governments were established. "And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man. Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made the man" (Genesis 9:5-6).

Why did God institute capital punishment? Why would a loving God who is supposed to love all of mankind issue these edicts? To answer this question, we must understand the overall purpose of God. God knew when He created man with a free will that not all people would follow and obey Him. However, He also knew that many would want to love and serve Him. In giving man free will, He also had to establish laws for people to live by. When we look at the Ten Commandments listed in Exodus 20:1-17, we can see that these laws were given for the good of mankind. One of these laws is in verse 13: "Thou shalt not kill." We may wonder if God said "do not kill," why He would then decree that a murderer should be put to death. The reason is that the Hebrew meaning of the word translated as "kill" actually means "murder" or "to slay someone in a violent manner unjustly." So, God is actually saying, "Thou shalt not murder."

God knew before creating all things, that man would sin and that He would need to establish laws to curb that sinful nature. Knowing that most people would not allow His reign in their lives, God instituted civil authorities to maintain order and restrain evil in our societies. Through Israel, God provided us with a set of laws that apply to both our spiritual and natural life. They apply to the spiritual by showing man that the wages of his sin are death and to the natural by providing merciful laws restricting his lust for vengeance. God's justice demands life for life; but because Christ gave His life in our place, the murderer's debt to justice is paid. God's mercy grants him forgiveness if he accepts Christ's sacrifice. God's pardon for sin, however, is not the same as man's pardon. Even if a murderer should truly repent and is forgiven by God, his country may still inflict the death penalty upon him as stated in Romans 13:1-5.

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, the sacrifice of Jesus shedding His blood on the cross so that mankind could be saved is beyond our understanding. It is awesome to think that even a murderer, who comes to You and repents of his sins, can find forgiveness and be made whole. Thank You for forgiving us and fill our hearts with love and forgiveness towards those that have hurt and abused us. May we extend mercy towards others, so that when we need mercy, we will have some in our storehouse. I ask this in the name of our merciful Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

11/19/2024 7:00:01 PM Jacksonville, Florida USA From: Steven P. Miller, @ParkermillerQ, gatekeeperwatchman.org TM, Founder and Administrator of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups. #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO. www.facebook.com/gatekeeperwatchnan www.facebook.com/ Instagram: steven_parker_miller_1956

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rubykgrant · 1 year ago

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Imagine RvB characters with superpowers. But just one each, like in RWBY or My Hero Academia. Could totally see Sarge being an unstoppable force, or Tucker being the center of attention, or Caboose being able to make things not work properly. Church splitting off parts of his psyche as clones. Maine having permanent copies of powers. Wash making a memory fog. Kimball having a speed buff for herself & others. Jax making videos of his memory. Just so many possibilities!

There are a handful of RVB Super Power AUs out there that are all very interesting (the two I'm more familiar with are the "Villain AU" by @smilysstuff , and "We Didn't Even Kiss Until Issue 26" by @cinaed . I've also seen some cool Spider-Man/Spider-Verse concepts from @leonardalphachurch and @donut-entendre ~)

You've got some cool super power ideas for them too! The characters are all so weird, it is easy to take the various talents or certain personality traits and turn them into super abilities, either ones that fit easily with them, or perhaps ones that seem like the "opposite" of what is typical.

If I was going to put them into a Super Hero setting, but maybe try to make it a little different from some of the others I've seen... I might put them in a Batman scenario! Except it doesn't totally follow the same formula... because NONE of these dudes are a billionaire playboy who is also a scientist and expert martial artist. So instead...

"Blood Gulch" is actually the name for a small area of the city (basically, Crime Alley), and through some random (or perhaps connected) events, a lot of people have had an unpleasant experience there... Church woke up with no memory besides his name and a few vague bits of info of his life. Tucker was attacked, and his child was kid-napped. Caboose lost his penny (everybody thinks this is stupid, but you don't understand; it was the GIANT penny!). Donut got nailed with a grenade. Grif got ran-over by a tank (followed by Simmons agreeing to give up some organs to try and save his life at a hospital, but when doctors insisted Grif wouldn't survive the surgery, Simmons followed a very shady tip that somebody from that area could help them both... and so Simmons got a back-alley operation, then woke up a Cyborg. Grif is OK). Sarge got shot in the head. Tex "died" for the first time, and discovered she doesn't STAY dead. A strange villainous voice seems to "haunt" the area, but is only ever heard when Doc is around. Nothing bad happened to Kai, but she got busted for throwing a rave in an old warehouse there once.

Not all of this happened on the same day or anything, but it sure is a COINCIDENCE that all these people hurt somehow in this general area, isn't it!? Anyway, Church meets Tucker after Junior got kidnapped, and despite seeming so unfriendly, he's the only guy that listens to Tucker's weird story (because the group that took Junior didn't seem... human). The cops won't help, and Tucker doesn't want to leave the city unless he has a lead, so... Church takes him to where he's been crashing.

Which turns out to be a HUGE mansion, that has sat abandoned for years. Church may be a hobo, but he's a hobo with standards (also, he seems to know all the combinations for the locks. wonder why). Eventually, they run into Caboose out on the streets, sobbing over his penny. He follows them around all night, and Church finally agrees to let him com back to their mansion. Once inside, Caboose's clumsiness and nonsensical luck allows them to discover SECRET PASSAGEWAYS! There is a whole underground lair below the mansion! With some very interesting (and suspicious) technology. Oh, and it seems to be OCCUPIED as well?

So, while all that was going on, Sarge has been running around Blood Gulch at night, being a weird vigilante about it (he still has his own shotgun, but after it got damaged, the thing doesn't actually fire anymore. instead, he carries it around for the AESTHETIC, and a lot of people in the city start rumors about a guy who has a gun he doesn't shoot for some "metaphorical" reasons, but it really isn't that deep; it broke, he doesn't want to throw it away, he can't afford to get it fixed, and he's too stubborn to just get a new one. on the plus side, various bad guys have gotten the idea that if they don't use guns, the vigilante won't shoot them, so everybody has gotten less lethal in general). Sarge also collects weirdos who have gone through their own odd incidents...

He likes the idea of having a cyborg on his team, and Grif seems to be good at... not dying? That comes in handy. Donut just kinda invited himself and stuck around. Sarge finds an abandoned robot one night, so now they have a robot! His speech functions are stuck on Spanish, but Lopez is very capable at just about any task (he will still complain the whole time). Sarge decides to call their group... The Red Hood Gang! He still wears the red hoodie he had on when he got shot when doing vigilante stuff (plus a mask, and other gear). They move into what they THOUGHT was an old cave system outside the city... and find it has LOTS of interesting tech inside!

When Church's group finds out the Reds are basically living in their basement and hoarding all the cool junk, and the Reds realize these guys have an upstairs with actual bathrooms and a kitchen, they proceed to have a whole war over who gets to keep everything. As they fight and claim certain things for themselves, one of the big computers comes online... and a strange, high-pitched voice who introduces himself as Vic starts giving them info and "advice" on how to find the people that have caused their problems. Begrudgingly, the two groups decide to work together (Church's team calls themselves Blue Birds, since the gear they get is blue, and themed after birds; also, they get a cool vehicle! Sheila is their Batmobile~).

So, now the Reds and Blues are all doing vigilante stuff. They still bicker with each other, but no longer enemies. Other people in the city do not know how to deal with these chaotic weirdos. They eventually meet up with Tex, and Grif's sister figures out what her brother is up to. Doc has a brief time being "kid-napped" by the :evil voice" as O'Malley tries to be a full-on villain like the Joker, but eventually he settles down, accepts that he's really part of Doc, and they other accept Doc is part of their group too. Tucker even gets Junior back, and Caboose finds his GIANT PENNY! Things seem to being well... but THEN-

A corrupt police force doesn't like all these vigilantes exposing their own criminal activity, and hire outside help of a special agent; Washington. He initially tries to very seriously solve some of the problems in the city, and when he gets framed for even BIGGER problems, he just has his own villain-moment, taking it out on the Reds and Blues... but they win him over. New vigilante hero! He moves into the mansion with the rest of them, but one night when they return, the place has a new guest; Carolina, who informs them that this is HER FAMILY'S HOME. She's been away, doing all kinds of cool secret martial arts training around the world (that's right, she's the REAL Batman~), and comes back to to find a whole circus moved in while she was gone?

She also explained that the underground caves were where he father once had a whole secret project going on, with people being part of several experiments that claimed to make them "super heroes", but those running the show had ulterior motives (some of them were selling tech to other groups, thus creating lots of criminals with a huge advantage). Wash had been part of this program, but like the Reds, he never knew about the mansion above ground or the connection to Carolina's family. Tex was part of it too, but she kind of forgot some of it. Church... well, it seems that one the plans of Carolina's father was to try and bring her mother back to life, and one attempt involved a sample from a supernatural pool of energy, which he tested on himself first. The result was Church (this is a bit like all the R'as al Ghul/Jason Todd stuff).

More Batman-tastic shenanigans ensue... meanwhile, over in Metropolis, all the Chorus problems are happening! Instead of a surviving child of Krypton coming to Earth, a ship containing the collective history and technology landed on the planet. In secret, a group has been slowly using the advanced tech for personal gain, and some people are also stealing it for themselves. Two sides of a "war" break out, each being manipulated into fighting because once they're all gone, nothing will stop a certain rich business man from taking everything for himself (Hargrove is basically Lex Luthor. Felix and Locus use lots of Krypton tech, and also have access to the temporary Super Serum that gives them small doses of powers).

Sorry, that was a LOT for a basic "Batman/Superman" AU haha

#ask #answer #anon #red vs blue #rvb

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hopeaterart · 9 months ago

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Hold on, hold on. I'm starting to have coherent thoughts abt Teen Shredder 'verse

Mutants/yokais and humans cohabit on the surface for reasons I haven't figured out yet. However, mutants tend to be discriminated against.

Yoshi wasn't mutated into a rat! He and Tang Shen are living happily together and run a dojo. Splinter is Yoshi's normal pet rat.

The turtles are their adopted kids. :} They're all actual brothers, and Yoshi adopted them following the death of their biological parents, who he was friends with. (As a result, they're all the same turtle species too, I just need to pick)

Leo and Mikey are twins and the eldest, with Mikey being older by a few minutes. Raph is the middle child, and Donnie's the youngest. Yoshi and Shen send them to an elite school, which is what most of the plot is about.

The story is much more low-stakes than FHC, mostly abt the Turtles trying to survive high school

Mikey is a chill dude who's seemingly not concerned with anything, although he's got multiple skill and will step in if his brothers need his help. He's already got other mutant friends outside of school.

Leo's the one with anger issues here. He hates being looked down upon for being a mutant, which causes him no amount of grief at school. It's probably why he ends up gravitating toward Shredder, a delinquent that the entire student body fears. (Also they're both trans, but Leo hasn't realized that yet)

Raph is hypercompetitive and really active, so he joins a bajillion afterschool sport team and ends up befriending (and eventually dating) Casey, who's on those same sports team.

Donnie is a shy and smart kid who quickly turns into a teacher's pet and befriends fellow nerd April.

Karai is Shredder's mom and involved in organized crime. She's trying to hide it from him so he can have a better life, but his delinquency proves to be a problem.

I don't know what Renet is doing, but I do know she's the time god equivalent some kind of constantly exhausted intern. She'd mostly appear for threats like alien invasions.

Habiki, Zia, Higa and Naomi are all here too. (My ocs...) Habiki is Yoshi's well-meaning but overbearing mother who occasionally visits, Zia is the turtle's little sister and a human, Higa is a young bird mutant from another school with a crush on Saki, and Naomi is one of the instructors at Yoshi's dojo.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 1987 #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt #tmnt mutant mayhem

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skeith-platinumprincess · 2 years ago

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Today I would like to go over the history of an alternate universe Spider-Man who was created solely to be a gag character but in recent years has been getting actual serious attention. I am of course referring to:

Patrick O'Hara, the Web-Slinger.

The Web-Slinger first debuted in the very original Spider-Verse event but don't go into this expecting to read much of him. Unlike other popular Spider characters like Spider-Gwen and Peni Parker he didn't get his own issue to tell you his origin or anything like that. No, he was instead part of the book's gag team.

Throughout the original Spider-Verse event we would occasionally get to check in on Miles Morales and Drake Bell Ultimate Spider-Man recruiting the goofier spider-people across the multiverse. We even got a full issue of them recruiting the 1967 cartoon Spider-Man! At one point in this requirement spree we check in on them and see that at some point they recruited a cowboy Spider-Man

That's basically it for Web-Slinger's role in the original Spider-Verse. No name, no actual lines other than Yehaaaw, and after this point he's just in a few background panels.

Someone at Marvel must have really liked this idea though as he made more appearances in later Spider-Verse events. Such as in Spider-Geddon where he gets to be alongside Superior Spider-Man, Spiders-Man, and Spider-Punk as a team of Spider-Men who are willing to kill people

Spider-Geddon also gave us Vault of Spiders, a collection of short stories set in the universes of various Spider-People. Here we got a 7 page story showcasing Web-Slinger in his own world fighting against his version of Morbius. This little story also gave confirmation that yes, he shoots webs from his guns. They are literal web shooters

Next up we have what it easily Web-Slinger's biggest apperance: the 2019 Spider-verse event. In this comic Miles Morales has to jump from universe to universe helping various spider-people fight crime. It's a fun little book even if it doesn't serve much purpose. I'd love if they brought the concept back for some sort of Spider-Verse Team Up.

Anyway, the fourth issue of this book has Miles travel to Web-Slinger's universe, now officially numbered as Earth-31913, to help him save a Mexican village being raided by El Escorpion.

Basically everything we know about Web-Slinger comes from this issue since it's the only time he has really gotten to shine. So here are a few details we learn about him here.

His version of Uncle Ben was not his uncle, but rather a war buddy of his. I cannot tell if it was the Civil War or the American-Mexican war though

Yes, his horse, named Widow, WAS bit by a radioactive spider, the same spider bit both of them which gives them a telepathic link to each other. They call it the Rider Sense

His name is Patrick O'Hara, in previous appearances he used the name Parker, but that was in fact a fake name. He only tells Miles this because he trusts him

That wasn't the last we saw of Webslinger though, we actually got to see him and his earth again earlier this year in Extreme Venomverse. Usually the Venomverse stories will either take place in a earth that is only slightly different from Earth-616 or they'll be in their own world with no connection to anything. As far as I can tell the only times a Venomverse story have set themselves in the universe of an already established alternate Spider-Man were Venom Noir from this month and last month with Extreme Venomverse #3

After passing out from wounds in the desert, Web-Slinger finds himself nursed back to health by a woman named Madame Brock. To repay the favor he helps Ms. Brock fight off a pack of goons who are threatening to burn down her place of business.

And that is the Web-Slinger's most recent appearance in the medium of comics. However he has seemingly gotten popular enough to start appearing in other mediums. He got to team up with Drake Bell Ultimate Spider-Man once again when that cartoon did a Spider-Verse storyline AND he got to appear briefly in Across the Spider-Verse, Miles even steals Widow from him here!

#comic books #comics #marvel #spiderman across the spiderverse #spider verse #web slinger #Patrick O'Hara #Skeith Explains Spiders

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chikaras-garden · 1 year ago

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Have you perhaps bounced around the idea of a Catwoman protégé with one of the boys? Playing cat and (winged) mouse with them? Chasing each other around Gotham? The sexual tension?

This is an idea that pops into my brain every once in a while, but I haven’t written anything because I can never decide between Dick or Jason.

Some random thoughts:

Her mocking nickname for him slowly becomes affectionate (“Birdy?”)

She gets caught on purpose because she likes to escape from him :)

Her dad is Falcone or Black Mask or Penguin and yes I ripped this idea off of The Batman; sue me

She is so extremely hellbent on revenge against her dad AND traps a reluctant (Dick? Jason?) into helping her

HIS FEELINGS ARE SO COMPLICATED like of course he wants justice for the poor little girl who never received love but :( she keeps doing crime :( and she’s infuriating :(

Selina and Bruce are exes in this verse

Crying

Heists

Daddy issues on BOTH sides

He calls her kitten exactly one time and she short-circuits

Her mom is dead

Her dad definitely killed her mom

Selina tries to be a good mom/sister figure! Seriously! She’s just bad at it!

Are you all familiar with the scene between Ellie and David at the hunting lodge in The Last of Us?

#💌— letters for the gardener.#💋— anon.#if this sounds more like Dick or Jason to anyone please let me know because I do actually want to write this

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knightfeared · 5 months ago

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` ＊ 𝑹𝑼𝑳𝑬𝑺 ᨒ↟𐂂 Last Updated : SEPT 18 . 2024

` IMPORTANT INFO ( … ) My portrayals will be canon divergent in some aspects. My portrayals are always going to be a mixed interpretation of both game, movie / comic media. A large majority of how they develop will also be based off of the threads I’ve done since picking them up as muses. Please be mindful that in some aspects my takes on certain characters will differ from canon.

↳ This is an Independent Multi-Fandom Multi-Muse writing blog. 18+ is the age for following &&. for normal interactions, but anything delving into darker / more mature territory will only be done with others that are 21+ . I WILL NOT interact with Minors.

↳ ABOUT THE WRITER Bastian / MST / THEY | THEM / 25+

↳ FOLLOWING FIRST I don’t usually follow first. Mostly for personal reasons, unless you’re a mutual I know from elsewhere, I aim to keep my space small &&. curated this time around. However, I will always check over blogs that follow &&. look over rules &&. verse info to see if we can write together. I am slow but usually I’ll get back to following people within a few days.

↳ I am a slow writer &&. I am generally very slow &&. quiet when reaching out in DMs/private. I have limited spoons. For the time being I will be placing this blog on low activity because of irl factors along with fluctuating muses — spoon levels are not guaranteed to always be high. Please respect that I am a slow writer &&. a slow mun when it comes to talking or reaching out. I do prefer to get out replies I am proud of over rushing things, so quality over quantity is generally how I function. I value my writing partners greatly I just am not good with OOC talking as it makes me very anxious at times. Please do not guilt me for being around or consistently active. Doing so will result in completely cut contact if the behaviour displayed starts to affect my mental health too much.

↳ If you are to unfollow or soft block me in the future to break mutuals, I would very much prefer to be hard blocked as it prevents me from reaching out again in the future. I support curating one’s space! I would just like to avoid the awkwardness if I mistake an unfollowing for a Tumblr glitch!

↳ There will be no character bashing here. I want to make this clear in saying I will not tolerate anons asks or dm messages meant to bash on another character. Even if it isn’t meant to be intentionally rude.

↳ THEFT Theft of any sort ( graphics, personalized headcanons, etc. ) are not tolerated here. There is a very clear difference between being heavily inspired or blatantly copying another’s creations. As this is a topic I am sensitive to due to past events, I am very strict with this. If I see it, I will not hesitate to cut contact.

↳ GENERAL DISCLAIMER A majority of the characters I write, along with the series they come from are Horror related &&. as such, they may deal heavily with themes of murder / crime, do a brief but heavy exploration into depression, ptsd / trauma &&. it’s after effects. Themes of self-destruction through violence, death, existentialism, slight delving into fractured mental health issues, along with the occasional graphic depictions of violence &&. injuries. A lot of my muses do not come from happy stories — it will get dark sometimes though I will do my best to keep things as light as I can manage. If you’re uncomfortable with anything mentioned above, I highly advise you not to follow or interact with me. Anything written here is purely fictional. I am not my Muse.

` ＊ 𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑳 ᨒ↟ 𖠰

↳ MAINS [ ; ] GENERAL STANCE I do practice Mains — but I rarely practice Exclusives. A Main is someone whose lore is greatly tied with &&. often heavily influences my own, therefore, they will have their interactions prioritized first. Anyone that’s been a mutual for a long enough, has written with me or talked a fair amount out of character can ASK to be my Main &&. are more then welcome to tie-in or take from my lore for their own muse if we have Verses developed.

↳ WORLDBUILDING I will always try to adhere to another’s world-building in the event it’s preferred over following my own. I do feel there should be some talk beforehand &&. some compromises in case certain portrayal specific lore conflicts, but I will almost always try to nudge my muses into my writing partners verses for their comfort / ease of interaction.

↳ DRAMA I don’t participate in drama. I avoid involving myself unless it’s genuinely serious — such as a writer displaying behaviours that are worryingly dangerous ( obsessive / stalking or harassing others, homophobia / transphobia / racism / pedophilia ). In those cases, if the situation calls for it, I will make an informed decision privately regarding interactions.

↳ SOFT-BLOCKING I usually go on a softblocking spree once a month to clear out archived / inactive blogs &&. blogs I can’t see myself interacting with in the future. It’s nothing personal &&. if there is interest in interacting again in the future, I fully support re-following! It’s normally just to keep my dash uncluttered because I get overwhelmed easily.

↳ HARD-BLOCKING I usually only hardblock when I want to completely cut ties with someone. If there ever is any sort of issue between me &&. another writer, if it’s a situation where I feel comfortable enough — I will try to explain beforehand why I am cutting contact before hardblocking. I fully support curating one’s own space, so I support needing to break Mutuals in any way to ensure your blog space is also a safe place.

↳ REGARDING MULTIMUSE’S / OCS I am Multimuse &&. OC friendly! Though for Original Characters, while I am open to interactions, I am selective — I am always open though, just a reminder to have an about page / post / Google doc available to look over as it helps me tremendously in learning about your muse.

↳ GODMODDING I don’t mind my muse being manhandled / injured / wounded, but please allow me to write my muse’s reactions in turn. If I ever do plan to take a thread in a more violent direction, I will message you beforehand to make sure it’s alright — I expect this in return. If I ever do something in a thread you don’t like, please message me &&. I’ll edit my post.

↳ ARCHIVING THREADS I will often reblog ask replies from partners to archive / save them. There won’t be a guarantee that I’ll always reply — I’m only selective so I don’t overwhelm myself — but if you’d ever like to turn a response of my own or yours into a thread, don’t hesitate to let me know.

↳ BEST WAY TO INTERACT Askmemes! They help me get a good feel of our muses, on whether their dynamic works or they mesh well. Plotting generally happens once there’s more of a solid dynamic built to build off of.

` ＊ 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑮 [ ; ] 𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑪 &&. 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑵𝑰𝑪 ᨒ↟ 𖠰

↳ REGARDING ROMANTIC SHIPPING DYNAMICS My blog is multi-ship, though for this, I will be setting a loose limit for the number of romantic ships held with the same muse to 2. There will be some exceptions from time to time, but for now that’s the number I feel comfortable keeping things at regarding writers of the same muse.

As stated before, I rarely practice Exclusives. Therefore please note that each writer I do ship with will have their own unspoken verse ( unless I’ve made one for us specifically ) &&. unless stated elsewhere, my muses will always be faithful to whomever they’re in a relationship with. I have zero tolerance for possessiveness / jealousy shown ooc regarding ships. It is a huge trigger of mine so please be mindful or you will be hard blocked if any potentially controlling behaviour is displayed.

↳ REGARDING PLATONIC / FAMILIAL / ANTAGONISTIC DYNAMICS I love exploring all sorts of dynamic possibilities — they just need to be within comfort for me &&. we do need to communicate OOC at some point to Plot out where things will go eventually for threads. But I am always open to discuss a dynamics potential.

All I ask is to bluntly communicate with me when it comes to anything relating to dynamics. Please tell me directly what kind of relationship is wanted — only hinting / vagueing / expecting me to catch on that you want to flesh out a dynamic without telling me will fly right over my head otherwise, &&. I won’t immediately assume there’s interest, so I greatly encourage talking to me very bluntly about possible directions you’d like to take our muses in. Platonic, familial, antagonistic, romantic — I adore them all &&. welcome them.

` ＊ 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑺𝑨𝑭𝑬 𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑲 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑻 ᨒ↟ 𖠰

↳ N/SFW There will be mature, N/SFW content explored on this blog. Me &&. my muses are all well over the age of 21, therefore anything falling into N/SFW territory will always be tagged accordingly with the usual “nsfw tw” / “not sfw tw” / “nsft tw” tags. If you do not wish to see such content then please blacklist / block the following tag(s) in particular:

╰┈➤ ┊❛ SUGGESTIVE. ❜┊ ╰┈➤ ┊❛ VEILED IN THE DARK. / NOT SFW. ❜┊

` ＊ 𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑬𝑶𝑼𝑺 ᨒ↟ 𖠰

↳ REPLY LENGTH While I do have a preference for lengthier &&. more detailed responses — it’s not a requirement &&. I never go into an interaction expecting it. So long as you’re giving effort to reply &&. actively showing interest in our threads, I don’t mind shorter ones. Please never feel obligated or pressured to match my length — I’m here to build a story with you, not to judge you on how much you can write.

↳ TAGGED TRIGGERS / ACCOMODATIONS If you are a mutual of mine who needs anything specifically tagged, please let me know through DMs so I am made aware what to tag in the future. If you have certain vision / text requirements please let me know in through my interest tracker so I can make a note of it for future interactions.

↳ REPLY SPEED Please take your time with replies. I do not mind waiting for replies at all &&. I understand that life comes up &&. not everyone can sit to write everyday &&. have muse. I’ll never take it personally or try to pressure you. Please do things at your own pace &&. know there’s never a time limit or deadline on when to reply to our threads. I am also a snail when it comes to them so I completely understand. If ever there is a time you’d like to change our muses dynamic or restart interactions, I am open to it so long as we communicate.

#╰┈➤ ┊❛ RULES. ❜┊#Longpost tw

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