#the intrusive thought was there and this actually works

[cloudcountry]

I've discussed this with a mutual but I really need to read it: I'd like to request a confession scenario with Jamil where he goes through the 5 stages of grief.

Basically Jamil is fell head over heels into the Mariana trench but forgot that De Nile is a river in Egypt and pulled a page out of Kalim's book by being purposely oblivious about his own feelings.

The poor reader is also very much in love and has pining for WEEKS. One day, they decide to just tip the band-aid off. The pair are in the kitchen hanging out as usual when the reader turns to him and goes "I'm in love with you. You don't have to say anything and you can pretend this never happened. I just want you to know"

They're expecting a rejection but Jamil just stares a freezes for a good three minutes. While the reader is panicking trying to get him to snap out of it, Jamil is going through the 5 stages of grief.

Ultimately, Jamil's thought process ends with "If we don't kiss in the next 5 seconds I'm overblotting again" and the intrusive thoughts win.

SUMMARY: you confess to jamil. he doesn't know how to respond until he throws his inhibition out the window.

COMMENTS: I LOVE THIS REQUEST??? i decided to play off of the actual stages of grief for this even though its an expression hehe

“Jamil, I like you.”

What.

“Actually, no, I’m...I’m in love with you. And it’s okay if you don’t, it's okay if you don’t say it back, I just wanted you to know.”

What!?

Jamil stares at the fridge in front of him, mind blank except for your words. They repeat over and over and every emotion ever swells up in his chest because what!?

Since when? Why? What did you see in him? What did you see in your future with him? DId you even see one? Did he mishear you? Did you mean to say that to someone else?

No, there’s no way you did. You two were the only ones in the kitchen at the moment. Grim was outside in the living room, talking to the ghosts about something or other and why would you even say something like that to Grim anyway?

Denial.

You didn’t mean it. There’s no way you meant it. even after he overblotted and threw you to the other end of his dorm? Even after he showed you all the ugliest parts of himself, the parts of himself that nobody ever should have seen because he wasn’t supposed to be a person, only an aid?

And he certainly didn’t like you back. It’s not like he wanted to do things for you to make you happy, it’s not like he got the slightest bit jealous when he saw you hanging out with Kalim, it’s not like he wanted to monopolize all of your time so nobody else could have it.

Okay, so he was lying to himself. Great. He can deal with this for sure.

Anger.

It’s so unfair. It’s so unfair. If it wasn’t for Kalim and his parents and this suffocating life he’s sure he’d be able to accept your confession in a heartbeat. He’s sure he’d be able to comprehend his own emotions and bring you into his arms. He’s sure he’d be able to process his own emotions and be the partner you deserved, without all the jumbled mess that is his rage and jealousy and resentment.

He didn’t want to be someone else, he just wanted a different life. He just wanted to be free, to be able to exercise his own pure talent, to be able to rise above everyone else.

Bargaining.

He wished there was some way to make that reality for you two. He didn’t want you to go be with anyone else, the very thought of it made his stomach turn and his heart brim with anger. He was a selfish, jealous person, but you loved him. How could he make this work? How could he keep you in love with him, keep you by his side, keep you controlled? Did you have to be controlled? You started liking him of your own free will, maybe he didn’t have to do anything.

But falling for him was one matter, staying by his side was another.

Depression.

There was no way this was going to work.

He had to find a way.

He couldn’t find a way.

There had to be a way.

His mind is moving too fast for him to keep up and he’s still staring at the fridge, and your voice is calling his name and you look so worried, your visage in the corner of his eyes swirling. It’s like he’s not even rooted in reality anymore. How can he make this work? It almost feels hopeless...but Jamil is anything but a quitter. He’s never given up before, and he’s not going to start now.

Acceptance.

“Jamil?” you say for what feels like the hundredth time, your hand resting gently on his shoulder.

He’s still not responding. Oh fuck, you didn’t think confessing was going to mess him up this much. If you’d known that, you wouldn’t have said anything and just kept it to yourself forever.

He murmurs your name and finally, finally turns to look at you. His hands grab your shoulders and he meets your gaze, pupils dilated and eyes wide.

“Be mine.” he says, and your heart flutters at how serious he sounds.

“J...Jamil?” you squeak, pliant in his arms and he pulls you close, clinging to you like he never wants to let you go.

“Be mine.” he repeats, words muffled in your shoulder, “I will...always do my best for you. Always. I don’t want you going to anyone else.”

“I don’t want to be with anyone else.” you murmur softly, placing a hand on the back of his head as he crushes you against him.

He shifts, bringing his face close to your neck. You barely have the time to wonder what he’s doing before he kisses the junction between your shoulder and neck, a soft smack of lips roaring in your ears.

“Good.” he replies, the word a hot gust of air against your skin.

[adhd-coyote]

Fro. The WIP ask game, can you elaborate on the "Cult of Fox"?

Because I kinda always imagine him unconciously creating a cult icon of himself within the CG so this immediately got my attentionXDDD

@loverboy-havocboy also asked about this one! This is a WIP that has already been partially posted; you can find it here! It's marked as complete, but @darknight-brightstar and I are still working on it! Here's a sneak peek of a future chapter :3

"Sometimes I get these flashes of emotion, not like a mood swing or an intrusive thought. Just… suddenly there will be 'Happy' or 'Concentration' and i don't think it's mine… and I don't think it's the tookas either." Kenobi hummed. "Can you feel the source at all? Do the emotions feel like they’re coming from outside you or inside?" "A bit of both, I guess. It seems to only happen in the Warren, though." Fox didn't feel like this was a bad thing. Just odd and new. Obi-Wan hummed again. "When you’re in the Warren… or maybe when you’re with your Corries? It sounds like a bond to me." "A bond?" Fox asked, tilting his head like a tooka. Now that Cody knew that Fox's patron was a cat, some of Fox's newer mannerisms - or the old ones that got exaggerated - made so much more sense.

This is a Cult of the Lamb crossover, but you don't need to know anything about the game to understand the fic. Rat herself doesn't actually know anything more than what I've infodumped on her lol.

Basically, Palpatine kills Fox in a ritual, inadvertently sending him into the claws of an ancient death god known as The One Who Waits. Fox makes deal- The One Who Waits will resurrect him in exchange for Fox starting a cult in their name. And from there, the fic is fluffy, cracky fun, with some Hurt/Comfort tossed in for flavor <3

Ask game

[diablescharmants]

❝You’re so hot.❞ // Also cana 2 Frreeeeed 👀

@soulbiinding

     Freed had never been one to abstain lending a hand with things even if it meant DIRTY and possibly exhausting work although it was easy for people who didn't know him to falsely assume otherwise, judging by the proper attitude and choice of garments he displayed most of the time. Perhaps his upbringing played a huge part in this mindset; the fact that he did grow up in a wealthy household (just to be exiled at a later point in time) and practically had nothing he had to take care of himself because of servants simultaneously meant that he had lots of and absolutely no freedom at all. It had never sat right with him, this way of life and the etiquettes around it.

     Thus, there had been no hesitation from him when asked if he could help with the preparations for the upcoming summer festival. There was but a single catch; traditionally the preparations had to be taken care of WITHOUT the use of magic and that meant that many of the tasks became more inconvenient. Well, more inconvenient for the one taking care of them, at least. Because s o m e o n e e l s e seemed to have a very good time watching him right now.

     Strands of his bangs were stuck to his face and Freed wiped beads off sweat off his forehead. The warm whether didn't exactly help with the sweating but he'd endured worse. Hot weather was far from something he was not able to handle. He'd just paused, leaning on the axe that was stuck in the tree stump yet to be cut so it could serve as firewood for the huge summer bonfire tomorrow when Cana's comment reached his ears.

     Immediately the Raijinshuu's captain turned his head towards his girlfriend and briefly noted the water bottles in her hand before he tended to the more important matter in hand. He realized that he would make for a quite cliché scenario right now (with his sleeveless shirt, the axe in grip and sweaty skin) but it was effective and what could he say? He was a fan of EFFICIENCY, so he was more than willing to go with this.

     Leaving the axe where it was stuck, Freed made his way over towards Cana and came to a halt so there were only mere inches left between their bodies. "I must agree, the weather is quite warm," he teased while simultaneously stealing one of the water bottles out of her grasp, gently, fingers touching. "Thank you for bringing these, I do not wish for either of us to o v e r h e a t ." The stereotype of situation would become immaculate if he was completely shirtless and to drink and spill drops of water on his skin. The thought did amuse him for a moment. That was not the route he wanted to take, however.

��    Instead he gave her an all-knowing smirk and a short once-over before locking eyes with her again. He could work with his facial expression and build some TENSION. A lowered vox was appropriate as well.

     "Do you want to lend me a hand or would you prefer to keep watching? Because you seem to enjoy yourself doing so." And he'd be fine with both. If she wanted to help then they would be done quicker and could possibly attend to o t h e r m a t t e r s and if she wanted to watch… W e l l , he was not opposed to playing with the situation and the outfit he was wearing for the activity; most of the time his well-toned arms were hidden beneath a layer of clothing and he knew that Cana loved his pony-tail look. Who was he to deny her any of this?

                        Ah and again, a proof that not shying away from work

                                  did have its BENEFITS FOR EVERYONE.

[adhdew]

i'm constantly finding new ways to prove to myself that i'm kind! that i'm better than my intrusive thoughts! be patient with yourself while you grow past trauma habits that aren't serving you anymore :)

[amadeusevenstar]

sometimes i forget that i had a unique experience in that i had to have intrusive thoughts explained to me at a very young age bc i had them so severe, so i’ve always known about them and understood how they work, and then i get get surprised by how many people actually have no idea what intrusive thoughts are 😭

[ndcultureis]

Ocd culture is your brain going “you gotta check this thing” we already did that tho. “Check it again” okay. Done. “Ah, no, actually we need to check it again.” No??? “Well then here have these bad feelings. Fuck you”

.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[excaive]

intrusive thoughts

[valoale]

My intrusive thoughts really be getting to me

After almost two years of living alone with my now retired dog without any puppies or youngsters around to board and train my brain is really starting to convince me to get a puppy again

This is very hazardous

[pentacass]

vestra...2!!!!

[villainsidestep]

got sad abt fawn’s little motel room again 😞

[simcardiac-arrested]

the intrusive thoughts and executive dysfunction drawings are interconnected because these symptoms are also interconnected . To me

[elizaeepy]

guys I can't believe it but I just realised that I haven't had consistent intrusive thoughts for like 2 months am I free????

[qwuilty]

God I love ur takes on p1 dude so much!!! Do u have more hcs to share!!! Angsty and not :0?

Yeah i think i can share some, pardon if any of them are a bit of a run on sentence though, math homework has fried my brain a little XD (warning for like, discussion of military related trauma sorry if the warning is bad again my brain is fried <:'') )

As i said before I'm starting to come more around to the idea he enlisted after dropping out of college, if you've been around like. Any US high school or college you've probably seen recruiters perched in the halls like vultures (though it's probably more so nowadays honestly) and i think that feeling of complete failure, mixed with his need to try and 'redeem' himself by doing something 'good with himself' after may have pushed him to do so. And by all means, physically he was capable. He wasn't a star athlete but he was fairly well built and able to make it through training, it was mentally where things went wrong.

I think already he was a pretty high stress person with bad coping mechanisms, but actually having to be there on a field of combat, where slight mistakes could very well mean you never return home, i think that REALLY fucked with him. It's when his insomnia started getting worse, this looming fear of something going wrong, and it all boiled over to the ordeal i headcanon as to why he got kicked out.

After a long bout of insomnia, sleepless nights on edge as he dealt with auditory hallucinations, trying to keep himself up in one piece to not Fuck This One Chance Up as it were, it lead to a pretty bad incident one night. He (thought) he was the only one awake out of everyone else there, having a very bad night of nagging fear that there was going to be an attack on everyone else with "warning signs" (most likely small, unrelated issues blown out of proportion) and another soldier, very unaware of his current state accidentally snuck up on him asking for a light and scared him absolutely shitless.

Needless to say, startling a man very much on the edge thinking he may have to be the only one awake to keep his fellow men from dying that night was a very bad idea, thankfully someone spotted them before he choked them to death, but he was deemed unfit to serve after his 'sudden' outburst.

But even if he hadn't served full time, i think that kind of experience REALLY fucked with him, partially why he tanked so hard mentally on top of the existing college stuff and his sense of being a failure. I mainly think of the events of Postal 1 as kind of a tale of hundreds, millions of little things that lead to one big implosion, but it's one of those things to others that comes "out of nowhere" because he tried very hard to seem like he was ok.

I'm also more partial to him having served just out of logical sense, it makes sense for him to have prior training to explain how he's able to go against the military and SWAT force, why one of his first places to go after finding out about the 'virus' was the air-force, use of terms like 'flyboy', 'solider', 'grunt' and all. So i think on top of his already existing mental illnesses, the time served in the military added on additional PTSD explaining why he had auditory hallucinations of gunshots at night and fell back into his bad mental state.

This was mainly just kind of one big long headcanon explanation, but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!

[ladykyrin]

Today I fantasized about getting hit by a car so I could cancel my current work projects. What does that say about me

[albatris]

I have a full day tattoo tomorrow, maybe 8 hours, I'm going to get so much rental car writing done on my phone! (lying)