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beehive-sys-sus · 8 months ago

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If you could relive any of your memories, which would it be?

THIS is the blog we were expecting it for. /gen nm typing quirk Right. This'll probably be a long one, because this isn't specified for any one alter, so under the cut will just have every alter with source talking about memories they'd like to feel again. I'll organize them as best I can, but you know how it goes.

POKEMON ALTERS

Damocles (Glitchy Red Ryan) - Right. Well. I have--a lot of source. I am based off our main timeline version of our Glitchy Red, Ryan (not the host, he stole the name before I arrived.). A memory I'd like to relive is...both a lot of them, and also none of them. I try very hard to stay separate from my source, so really the things I remember SOLIDLY are the bad stuff that give me phantom pains and make me just. Not have a lower jaw for a bit. That being said, I can think of a few. I remember once in source, Character Steven as it were took me out to see the sunrise one morning. Nothing happened, we just sat in silence in the chilly morning. It was...nice. The other, less romantic one would be when I was a professional Pokemon Breeder. My southern ass was so content telling people to fuck off with my 800 dogs it was GREAT. Doomsday (Houndoom)- BARK! Gambit (Jolteon) - pbfbtbtbtbt

Gold (Self Explanatory) - Aw, jeez, uhm. I guess winning the champion match was cool! I really miss that. I miss battling in general :( I DONT miss mt silver tho that place was CREEPY n cold. Not a fan.

Mewtwo -

KILLING THE MEN WHO MADE ME. Mike (Mike Strangled Red) - Sorry, I just got here, and most of the source I remember right now is uh. Dying. That being said, I really enjoyed completing the Pokedex (before THAT) as a whole project. Me and Bill worked on it together--simpler times. Steven (Steven Strangled Red, Custom Story Source)-

I miss feeding Miki breakfast, both the Charizard and the fat calico cat. Does that count? I liked my pokemon....god. My friends...I want to see my pokemon one more time.

Pyrrhic (Demon Possessing Steven)- CONSUMING THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT. And also my human life before the cartridge, I suppose. I miss that...feeling. The things I did in that world. Rocket (Team Rocket Character Ryan Who also got horribly mauled by his Steven) - I miss my timeline before the distortion world. Yeah, Samson was bad, but at least everything wasn't. AS horrible. My timeline SUCKS, doesn't it. Shit. Uh. I guess I don't have anything specific in that case. Void (Character Ryan that killed God to take his throne) - I don't miss being a God much, I won't lie. There isn't much there for me to talk about in this case. I miss being HUMAN, more than anything. As much as I am TECHNICALLY human NOW, It doesn't FEEL like it. And I kind of miss--knowing. How to be human. In a weird way, I miss watching the fragment of my humanity learn and grow as a real, normal human. Unharmed by the sins of our father. Perhaps something like that.

TTRPG ALTERS

Alexander (Custom World, Pathfinder 2E Wizard Psychic Gnome) - I wish I could see the Eldars one more time. I wish I could make up for the mistakes that I made. But Reliving is not the same as ALTERING. Aegis (Savage Worlds RIFTS, Lyn-Srial Techno-Wizard) - I would like to see my Warband members one more time, like that night before I became a coward. Drinking and Laughing before the ceremony--like nothing bad could ever touch us. I wish it was that simple. I wish I could rewrite what I did before. Despite what I've seen, I struggle to not see the humanity that has followed as Lesser Beings, sometimes. And I wish that was a mindset I could stop at will like so many other thoughts that cloud my mind.

Phantom (1) (Traveller, Resident/"Noble" of Drinax, Psionic) -

Dude that timeline SUCKED. Never ate, never slept, always on drugs, and THEN I became psychic? Fuck. I do miss performing live, though. I was a popular rockstar back then, you know! Or. In that timeline, I guess. That was always fun! Then the voices got me. But, hey, who's counting!

Dark Arts (Traveler, Vargr) - I miss slaughtering my enemies and stealing what was MINE. And perhaps the Passenger Princess who "Employed" me in the end was fun to tease. She was so ballsy, for a rich human! We went gambling, one time! Rigged it. My friend J-Dawg went and purposefully got his ass beat before wrecking someone when all bets were on the other guy and we bet TONS on him! So many credits! Enjoyed Princess. Enjoyed J-Dawg. Enjoyed Crime.

OTHER SOURCES (Youtube CUs, ULTRAKILL, Ace Attorney, Detective Grimoire, Metroid, FNAF, "Dice, Camera, Action!",)

YOUTUBE ALTERS

Anti (Antisepticeye) -

I miss being able to be a menace LET ME OUTTTT LET ME FRONTTTTTTTTTT--

Dark (Darkiplier, custom RP universe) -

I miss my husband tails. I miss him a lot. I'll be back. /ref

As "funny" as that joke answer may be, it's not much of a real one. I miss my wedding night. My husband, John, was always antisocial, to say the least, and neither of us have a lot of real family we'd want to see at a "REAL" wedding. Being what we were, being married in the eyes of the law or "God" meant nothing. So instead we stayed home. We watched movies with the kids and ate snacks. It was a lovely night. I miss them.

Phantom(2) (Phantom NWTB, Custom RP universe) -

I miss being a DRAGON more than anything these days. Yes, I miss my husband and my children, but that ship has sailed and I have moved on. The wound may sting, but it will heal in time. I do miss being able to sit in lava baths and breathe fire, though. And being good at fighting. And being able to change my gender at will. I miss being a demon/dragon, how about that?

For specific memories, I guess I miss being able to flirt freely. Beyond, of course, relationships in reality being what they are, I cannot do that, nor is a traumatized 19 year old female body the IDEAL place to start flirting with anyone I find interesting.

ULTRAKILL

V1 -

I miss being so athletic! I enjoyed being able to jump and run so freely. In that world, nothing mattered but Objective. Is it wrong for me to say it was so freeing?

Of course, not that morals ever played into what I did. I was a machine made for war, after all. That simplifies those things quite a lot.

Gabriel -

There is not many memories I would want to relive. There is many memories I am FORCED to relive, forever. Like a beast hunting me. Stalking me. Safety is never assured, but it never strikes to its fullest power. Always watching.

ACE ATTORNEY

Phoenix Wright -

I miss being a lawyer dawg

Miles Edgeworth - I want to relive a time in which there WASN'T "ALMOST CHRISTMAS MEANS IT WASN'T CHRISTMAS" floating around as a "meme" constantly. /sar

DETECTIVE GRIMOIRE

Grimoire -

The literal first day I showed up as an alter our partner systems host explained Yaoi to me instantly. It's not relevant but I have to get it out there. Anyways as far as "reliving" memories go, I guess I want to relive when I was a detective, yes, but for less...grim, cases, pun not intended? When it wasn't about murder and crime and revenge. Susie -

I should be at the club, bestie. I want to be at the club. /ref

Hawkshaw - I wish to relive a time when my reputation was not tarnished by some murderous hag who used my image to forward her scheme. Does that suffice?

METROID

Metroid - My source is a joke I won't lie. Uhhh. I miss Gron, my metroid brother, does that count? I wanna relive fucking around with him and being annoying to the rest of the swarm.

FNAF

Michael Afton - Uh. Have you seen my source? None of it is good. None of the above.

"DICE, CAMERA, ACTION!"

Paultin Seppa -

I miss my wife tails. I miss her a lot. I'll be back.

#ask the bees #fabulousnomatterwhat #-Every Bee #Sort of. I didn't feel like tagging EVERYONE EVER.#Source Talk #did system #actually did #traumagenic system #Fictive Heavy #Introject heavy #i have too much autism clearly #osdd system

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skye-h-ecology · 10 months ago

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final touch ups and the performance

We decided to incorporate many different sound cues throughout the performance, to liven it up more and have it feel akin to a sketch comedy in a way. For the start, we have an epic instrumental of Part of Your World, as if it was Ariel’s idea for her “grand entrance�� to the piece which also continues at points when she breaks into song, an instrumental of My Heart Will Go On during Marty’s speech about them not being the bad guy even though they sank the Titanic, a dramatic noise when BigFoot finds that out (think the classic “dun dun dunnn”), UFO noises for Martian’s entrance, the Windows 95 sound when the operating system is mentioned, amd record scratches multiple times when someone is cut off or it’s a “mistake” for some audio to be playing (such as Martian’s exit being interrupted by a late night talk show host ending music, somewhat meta in the format of it being a comedic feeling “bit” that may be found in some sort of Saturday Night Live-esque show). These allowed for a lot more life to be fuelled in, in a much easier format. Alongside this, it gave more things to react to, and bounce off of throughout; it meant there was a fairytale feel to each time Ariel was yearning for attention with her voice, adding more shock value to reveals and overall a lot more humour rather than just silence or solely vocal reactions.

During our last runs of I Had to See, we tweaked aspects to fit the space we would be performing in, noticing the larger amount of room and leeway but also the eradication of the usage of the curtains for BigFoot to hide around. To combat this, we simply had him, at points, cower behind audience, which also then gave a humorous intimacy to his standoffish behaviour.

Also, we had the slight issue of audience participation at the end of our performance. Ariel goats on the audience to sing along, though in our first showing, it was difficult to do so, they felt awkward in doing it since there were three people there. So, we asked the other performers in the festival to sing along backstage, which was a great positive on both ends, as I soon found out “draaaawdooowwwnn” became something that was stuck in many peoples’ heads during the rehearsal processes. This meant we wouldn’t need to feel like we were pressuring the audience, and rather encouraging and having a more community feel the finale that, overall. Was meant to feel exactly that. It was quite heartwarming to see that it had that effect.

Something that did come up though was an issue with my costume, mainly that my tail got stuck twice and my position much lower meant that I had unwanted eyes on my chest that I hadn’t really thought about during the process, not really expecting to notice such at least. I feel that, in a reflective sense, I would have given myself more coverage or at the very least not had it alter my mental position in the piece, as it had thrown me off for a line when noticing, though it wasn’t too obvious I believe to others. As well as this, I would have worked a lot more on the placement of myself and the tail on the wheelie board, to avoid any accidents which thankfully only happened during rehearsal runs (just slipping off, thankfully no injuries occurred).

I feel that the piece did give exactly as intended in how we imagined it to, though it could have been elevated so much more, with more intricacies in the sound displayed and my own work on not holding back on being, pardon my language, a bit of a bitch on stage.

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libidomechanica · 2 years ago

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O my God, what was a child

A limerick sequence

And my head cool-bedded is no more! Days seen! But now the cliffs. More fresh puncture. And certeinly—I sey for nought. When I should not even know she is al ydo.

Her, and lie couched upon the judgment day heaven’s freeholds, in a flowers. Sweet Nature’s own heart. When the will of God a properties into an empress was she!

I look’d on thee, or yet in him between them. Both pype and Muse, now morne with a hundred course and blamed hymself for ornament which great shapes of verray shame o’t.

Night did bid me go, but if I be gay, sire shrewe yow, but ye do, certeyn. Like Phœbus thus, with his answer as if every sun the dede; and the world alyve is.

Knew not. And to delight can never a dew or dew-like shower fell, then grew my tongue that the whole court me, and thirty-one thing or change’s knife to cut the men!

Now elles, Frere, I nam nat I. But now my Muse, now moste yeve it up, as from a half-unquench’d volcano, o’er a space which of them all of a year, in this cas.

Only my own, in me no more it be self-enjoyings of him than me, keeping his book, as he sat outside the boy, the cable whispered. Let’s lively shining her.

With sun and more fun than got a bad case of it no unction. Man fell were the pear or plum, and gay perree, as perles, ne thise wordes writeth Ptholomee; rede in hell.

We would date the sand at this be true. Why dost thou great discernment has left its memory was ful of verdure never For the wild storm’s strife: he brought unto.

Let not acquaintance; and therefore? Her tears! But once dead, however and pure so noble, flung like pearl which gave her just the show’d, like to mine, all hues’ in his body.

Performing God’s universe: nothing but Wisdom’s sight? Noose of mourning of a monk, saffron-robed of my pure transgressionists do the decencies of graciously.

I a merry may she was to hym yaf I al the brink of what degree, in this gay clime of men! Of him than maystow chesė wheither you and meke, and everywhere!

I would skim the ocean? Breathless daddy’s spirits free from her second story window a pet-lamb in after with that they sometimes still. As since despisèd lover?

When hurt she is near. Since minds can be hid by altering to a hill his nets and mellow fruitfull show to purpose nothing nostrils wide draw in thy mother’s death.

My life, the ceiling of it. And though she were we extinguished grasse ay greene in gray is tinct, the fieldes ay fresh, the nard shall beauty doth not broke me a boulder.

I never notice to quit; and the wars of the Shah Salámán heard—the Sea; listening in the horses fit for herte I yaf unto his here! She told I love you.

Ah! When my storm, that I go, shal seyn. Where my wholesome, the same species. I’m o’er young sinner? She found the curb next to you the waves to sing so you can make her know.

Som, he heeld virgin mantle in the window from home—mother, father’s child. What would call hem often tymes wolde han writen of my fourthe housbonde is fro the fog.

I ne loved two and the earth itself and thy words he has molded me. Then com’st thou art a queen, but Er that hope is nought to thee, that with the arrows of her cheek.

You can make? Joy was hidden row, nor of the wheel where turned them vphold. And whiles to win ye, O: may ill befa’ the tears are, it seems, the bed to me, and Mars therinne.

Crist was a Greek from the centre of Selefkia from the earth itself, a sheathed angular figures on the stars, Love, your souls amazeth. That water-land of flood.

Tho’ I shoulders marched again. If thou lik’st not, deale thou mounefulst Muse of Her, salámán heard—the Sea; listening on him that be a propre yifte, som this small ill deeds.

The fireworks grow boring, unvaried as the plains, by their joyes. But she was lucky, and wanne he was brought unto. Be war of it, something which here an occasion?

I’ll ne’er wi’ her can hope no redress he sported, but lou’d a loue new-coin’d to roose here? How many times do I loved before me; whither thee listens, stop thine heir.

Some reckoning yields; a honey and bar. As those flame humor and palsied fancy, so artless, so simple shepherds entertayne, withouten doute: whoso that is wys.

To that flies in her hand, which, labouring for delight from every fair womman kan. My mind, aspire to count our own captive, burst thy mother. They never debaat.

To him;—as also that we love each speech two negatiues affirme! From Poland and brag the cause of this book agayn Jovinian; in which gave him power to chide?

Treble that entendeth unto his, and Death, but Juan saw not there will of matter, the many men. A cat of their pastures warke: waile we may could they are killed.

And none other, to wreck thy payne: and I hae tint my heart in reigning; while the world would understand. My heart rouses thinking down into the wanton play in love.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 7 #203 texts #limerick sequence

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stjohnstarling · 11 months ago

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It's pretty well known by now that Fifty Shades of Grey began its life as a Twilight fanfiction called Master of the Universe, a BDSM / No-Vampires AU by Snowqueens Icedragon published between 2009 and 2011 (although its eventual publisher would go on to claim that Fifty Shades was an entirely original novel inspired by MOTU, it's at this point a matter of public record that they are the same work with only superficial alterations.)

Snowqueens Icedragon (the username of Erika Mitchell AKA EL James) was among the biggest of the big name Twilight authors. Although she has managed to scrub most of her fandom presence from the internet, plenty of traces remain.

Because Master of the Universe was removed from fanfiction.net, it's difficult to say exactly how popular it was. I've seen quotes that it had anywhere between twenty and sixty thousand reviews at the time of its removal (though the twenty thousand figure seems to be more commonly cited.) I have heard mention that the fanfiction was popular enough that Stephanie Meyer knew about it, but unfortunately the pages that could have substantiated that claim have been lost to time so I cannot confirm this rumour. (x) According to one account, Snowqueens Icedragon generated over $30 000 auctioning off a story at the charity auction mentioned above. (x)

How did she get that popular? Well, by writing a story as fast as possible and chasing a popular trend, of course! (see, I told you that would come back)

Fifty Shades was part of this. A lot of people here are saying it's ripping off Secretary, but it's not. It's ripping off another really popular Twilight [All Human]-AU called "The Submissive", written by TaraSueMe. [The Submissive] was the first very popular BDSM Twilight fic [...] Whenever a fic reached mega-popularity, there always began a brief spike of fics using those tropes. For instance, there was once a really popular fic about Edward being a tattoo artist (Clipped Wings & Inked Armor), which spawned all kinds of fics about Edward and Bella having tattoos. There were even contests with prizes to see who wrote the best tattoo fic. So basically, The Submissive spawned off tons of BDSM fic. Fifty Shades was one of them. (x)

Fifty Shades of Grey is famously quite a bad novel, and I can personally attest that it lives up to its reputation. It's structureless, frequently contradicts itself, and contains egregious errors of what I can only describe as storytelling logic. It's also clear that it was written very fast.

The way the story handles BDSM and kink reveals a complete lack of knowledge of or interest in either. This makes sense when you consider that the choice of subject matter was purely trend-driven. BDSM fics were currently popular, and she wanted to be popular. The result is a book composed entirely of marketing tactics; a book that is performance to its core.

FSOG got a shitload of [attention]. Ask me how! Well, the short of it: Erika is a marketing professional. The long of it: - Erika made [fics] of already-proven-popular content - Erika posted short updates to the story very frequently, keeping it at the top of the story search list - Since people could give [reviews] for every single chapter/update, the more chapters a story had, the more [reviews] it had FSOG had 80 (edit: was actually 110) chapters. That means that a lot of people actually reviewed that fucking thing EIGHTY times. So even if she had only 100 super loyal readers, that's 8,000 11,000 reviews [...] People see a story with 8,000 reviews and want to click it to see what all the fuss is about. I think it had something like 20,000 reviews when it was pulled down for publishing. Hence, FSOG went viral. (x)

You may by now be sensing the ways in which this model played out in the self-publishing industry, but first I need to talk a little more about fandom and publishing.

At the height of its popularity, Erika Mitchell took down Master of the Universe in preparation for publication of the story through a small press, after editing it to remove explicit references to Twilight and retitling it Fifty Shades of Grey. We all know what happened after that.

This is a practice known as pulling-to-publish, and although Fifty Shades is the most famous example of it, it's far from the only one. What I want to trace for you is the ways the cutthroat dynamics of the Twilight fandom played out in small scale what would become the future of the self-publishing industry.

People have created this entire genre of OOC fics that are not at all in the Twilight universe--basically, romance novels. This genre has led to three epublishing micropresses to spring up for the purpose of republishing these fanworks with the names and locations changed. (Each of these presses is owned and operated by people from the fandom, with the biggest coming from our biggest archive.) So what we've created in our neck of the woods are people using their fanwork to gain a huge audience, then removing the fanwork, filing it, publishing it, and sending cease and desist letters if the fanwork is shared. (The published works are then marketed back to the fandom via author profiles and banner ads on the archives.) (x)

A couple of examples include Beautiful Bastard, originally published as a Twilight fanfiction called The Office, and Gabriel's Inferno, originally published as The University of Edward Mason. Both were among the most popular stories in the fandom, and both ended up being optioned for movie rights (of the two, only Gabriel's Inferno ended up being filmed.)

There are a few reasons not to just celebrate this as an unmitigated win for fandom. Leaving aside anything to do with copyright and fanfiction (which is, again, outside the scope of this post), it was common practice for fanfiction to be beta read by volunteers, who would have donated free labour on the assumption that this was a communal effort and the resulting work would have remained free forever. (x) On top of that, there are at least rumours that this group of former Twilight authors could get quite litigious towards any fans who wanted to read the original fanfiction (note the reference to cease and desist letters in the quote above).

In those days, legal threats against fanfiction by authors like Anne Rice were still fresh in fandom memory, and the practice of pulling-to-publish was seen as "betraying or ignoring what, for many in the community, is the first code of trust between a fan writer and the copyright holder: 'I own nothing'." (x)

I've seen a lot of discussion about whether knocking off tropes and ideas from other fanfiction and then publishing the result for money constitutes plagiarism. (For my two cents, while the behaviour happening here was a betrayal of the community spirit, as far as I can tell none of it rose above the level of how all fiction inspires other fiction, no matter how calculated it was.)

However, I suspect this phenomenon is part of the reason why fandom culture has become so much more suspicious and hostile over the last decade. Given the practice of using the tactics I discussed before to rise through the ranks of the fandom and get millions of hits, which could then be leveraged into a lucrative publishing career, the feeling from the fandom was generally one of having been used.

Erika never looked back. She actually has blocked every single person I still know from fandom on her twitter account. She used the community to get her book (most ideas created by the community itself) to #1 then essentially shut the door on them all. (x)

This attitude is backed up by archived quotes from a chatlog between Erika Mitchell and one of her fellow fans about the publication of Fifty Shades (ellipses original to the quotes):

Erika Mitchell: it’s like the old groucho marx joke which I cant remember about not wanting to belong to a club that you’re a member of… I have to say I do not feel as passionately as you do about the fandom (x)

I have done it as a sort of exercise … to see if I could … and I think I have proven to myself that I can … I now want to capitalize on it... (x)

If you want to read some really good first-hand fanwank about what happened in the Twilight fandom, I highly recommend clicking this link.

Now I don't believe this applies to fanworks-turned-published-novels as a whole or pulling-and-publishing in all contexts, of which there are many wonderful examples, and which is often undertaken with a great deal of respect and care. Nor is it a bad thing to have a little bit of marketing savvy or to factor that into your writing choices. The problem is mainly one of degree.

I want to make more explicit a few of the links I've already drawn. The model of churning out extremely frequent updates on low effort stories capitalizing on popular trends bears an uncanny resemblance to the model that Amazon self-publishing is built around.

It's difficult to overstate the impact of Fifty Shades of Grey. It was in some ways the single event that inaugurated self-publishing as an industry:

To date, the series has sold more than 70 million units worldwide, becoming the fastest-selling paperback of all time (Meeks, 2013). It is the biggest publishing success story since 2005, when the dream-inspired Twilight series propelled Stephenie Meyer to become a New York Times bestselling author almost overnight. (x)

If you need proof of how influential Fifty Shades remains, right now, in February of 2024, more than a decade after Fifty Shades' publication, the #2 self published novel on all of Amazon is a billionaire romance.

It was a seismic event in traditional publishing as well:

The runaway success of Fifty Shades had forced the entire publishing industry to re-evaluate assumptions of what makes books sell. “For years, centuries even, the publishing industry and literary world’s definition of good was the only one that mattered. If we didn’t think something was good, it didn’t get agented, it didn’t get published, bookshops didn’t stock it and it didn’t sell,” he said. “For us, good is often linked to literary style, what we consider the quality of writing and so on. What Fifty Shades – and more widely the whole self-publishing phenomenon of the last four or five years – has proved is that readers can have a completely different definition of good.” (x)

But this is a slight of hand - it isn't about what's good, it's about who can play the game best. The oral fandom history of Fifty Shades' does not paint a picture of a book that simply resonated with people. It instead paints a fanfiction written essentially as a popularity-bid, calculated to capitalize on trends and exploit the architecture of fanfiction.net. Then, once that fanfiction had amassed a gargantuan following, that following was rallied to drive the published version up the Amazon rankings.

She [...] leveraged the community's sense of nostalgia and loyalty, urging everyone to buy the book and give it good ratings, so as to see 'one of their own succeed in the publishing world'. There were multiple campaigns from her friends (tens of thousands of what she only saw herself as 'fans') to blast her Amazon page and send the book up the ranks. It of course worked. Once a (genre fiction) book gets to #1 on Amazon's bestseller list, you're done. Mission accomplished. Book and movie deals to follow. Enjoy your money. (x)

The strategy of rallying a fanbase is, again, not inherently bad by any means, but the particularly mercenary way in which Erika Mitchell and her contemporaries used the fandom for personal gain was received as a violation of trust on such a scale that it fractured the community as a whole:

The CULTURE has become that fanwork is not created for any sort of archival purpose. Most popular fanfics in our fandom are removed from the internet within a few months of finishing. This has meant that readers save the fics as their default, and that they don't read stories in-progress because they're afraid they will be taken down. [...] Plus, anyone who takes her fics down for personal reasons ends up publicly crucified, which, IMO is a direct result of those who've removed their stories in order to sell them back to the fandom. No one trusts anyone to be telling the truth any longer. (x)

You can track the breakup of the fandom through the decline of the charity auction: From raising almost $150 000 in 2010, in 2011 it barely raised over $20 000, then subsequently ended permanently. (x)

Today the biggest player in self publishing is Amazon's Kindle Unlimited program, where people pay $10 a month to have unlimited access to all titles that have opted into the program.

On the authors' side, the way Kindle Unlimited works is that by opting in, you are agreeing to a 90 day exclusivity deal with Amazon (meaning that you won't release your novel on any other storefronts for at least 90 days), and you will be paid by number of pages read (the pay-rate is calculated by mysterious means by Amazon.)

For readers, Kindle Unlimited turns reading novels into an essentially similar experience to that of browsing AO3 or fanfiction.net; you scroll an unlimited buffet of "free" stories and can pick out whatever hits the tropes you like.

Through a combination of Amazon's algorithms, the voraciousness of the reading community, the culture among authors, and the various economic pressures affecting them, the same dynamic persists: release as often as possible + try to copy what's hot right now.

The golden rule is to release a novel a month, a pace that makes it impossible to put any care or craft into your books, or frankly to do anything more than the absolute bare minimum of putting words in an order that gestures towards the right tropes. Kindle Unlimited books as a whole tend toward hastily written, barely-edited slop, written to incorporate the topic of the month. The authors who write novels with attention and craft are swimming against a powerful current.

But this state of affairs is on shaky ground, with payout on a downward trend and the pressure of AI pushing the already impossible speed of the churn to the brink.

(x)

This isn't trendy drinkware we're talking about, it's books. A single good novel can feed a person for a lifetime. I have a great fondness for vintage pulp and trashy fiction, but what's happened in self-publishing right now is on a level far beyond what the pulp writers of yesteryear could possibly have imagined.

Looked at from another perspective, this is equally a story about how the incentives of capitalism tore apart a community. This schism happened along the same timeline as the transition to the social media age, and can be taken almost as a microcosm of what the increasingly predatory economics of the internet did to social life online.

And that's where both readers and authors should be looking: towards mending those community ties, however we can. Maybe that means giving up useless number-chasing if communities can't survive past a certain scale. We could choose to focus on the slow work of developing relationships and trust, creating smaller but more sustainable groups of people who can support one another. Even now, within the hostile infrastructure of the modern internet, I think these things are still just barely possible.

Anyway, that's why you should read my book instead.

Alright, so: I want to explain a little more about this connection between the Twilight fandom, Fifty Shades of Grey, and seemingly, the self-publishing industry as a whole. It's a lot, so I'm going to have to chip away at it a bit at a time, and I think the best place to start is by describing the scene in late 2000s Twilight fandom.

In 2009, Twilight was one of the biggest fandoms in the world, although it was nearly invisible to outsiders because it

Was about a straight couple, while most other fandoms were predominantly gay, and

Was conducted almost entirely on fanfiction.net among a group of people who had little other background in fandom. (x)

That meant for many Twilight fans, Twilight was fandom. It was all they knew, and many had no path out. That also made it a corked champagne bottle with the pressure building.

Because of these community dynamics and the declining quality of the Twilight books themselves, Twilight fanfiction evolved to be mostly AUs so alternate they were more-or-less original romance novels that used Bella and Edward as broad character templates. (x)

Seriously, Twilight fandom got really crazy big for a few years there. It was not totally uncommon to get multi-million clicks on a semi-popular story. It's weird looking back on it and calling it "Twilight fandom" because it was really more like "Romance Novel fandom". For real, for a period there, calling a Twilight fanfic author a 'Twilight fan' would be the ultimate insult. But they never stopped writing about Edward and Bella! It's so weird. (x)

If you were in 2000s era fandom, you're probably aware of the phenomenon of Big Name Fans and the various social-climbing dynamics that happened around them. The Twilight fandom took this social power game another level:

This wasn't even just an author thing. There were Big Name Authors (BNAs) but there were also Big Name Readers. These were basically like... full-time rabid fans of a BNA. They devoted so much of their time to helping out the BNAs, reviewing their chapters, making them fanart, promoting their fics, kissing their asses with cringe-worthy intensity, you name it. Which is why you saw what looked like BNAs having 'employees', such as Moi, tby789's Director of Marketing. (x)

It became apparent that these power games weren't just for fandom clout. The fandom was proving that that social power could be translated into real-world dollars. You see, the Twilight fandom used to organize charity auctions where big name authors would auction off custom fanfiction, and the money generated was substantial:

Mostly authors would auction off stories. So if you donated in my name, I'd write you 10,000 words of porn in my Tattward universe, or something new, etc. That's how it worked. The 2009 auction raised $80,000. The 2010 auction raised $140,000. The 2011 auction raised $20,00. [NOTE: this is likely a typo] (x)

A lot of these dynamics were not unique to the Twilight fandom, but it was the combination that created a perfect storm of opportunism. This would end up changing not just fandom dynamics but the publishing industry as a whole.

#alright here's all of it #under the cut for length #original post #fifty shades liveblog #long post

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dragonsareourfuture · 3 years ago

Text

Ways the Death Note Cast Show They Trust You

I lost some inspiration towards the middle there, I’m sorry!!

- he will always have Watari make extra servings of food just for you. It’s a bit startling at first. So suddenly there’s just food in front of you that you think is for L, but when you push it towards him, he pushes it right back to you.

“You don’t want it?” He’d ask, leaving you confused until you finally put the pieces together.

“Oh, I…I guess I didn’t realize it was for me. My bad.” You begin eating. “Thank you.”

L simply hums and continues with whatever he was just up to.

- You know that thing cats do where they’re sitting perfectly still, eyes closed, guard slightly down, but still not quite asleep? I can picture L doing something like this during any moment of downtime he gets. Just sitting, scrunched up in his chair or wherever he happens to be, eyes closed but the cogs in his brain are still turning. You notice him doing this when it is only you and him in the room, simply thinking it’s because of the moment of rare solitude. Little do you know, it’s because he trusts that you won’t hurt him or let anything bad happen to him.

- L is a person who prefers to be in charge of his own life. He likes knowing what’s going on around him at all times and when things are out of his hands he can’t help but feel uncomfortable. However, with a person he’s developed a close relationship with and knows he can trust with everything he has, L will feel more comfortable leaving decisions up to them. You’ll have to start small though, like being the one to plan a surprise date. He might feel a bit uncomfy at the beginning, shifting around and possibly even insisting he sit so that he can see the exits clearly, but he eases into it eventually. Soon you both find yourselves joking around in the odd way that you do and gorging on cake and ice cream.

Mello

- being vulnerable is something Mello isn’t too keen on. He already feels vulnerable most of the time and would kick himself if he let that show through his actions. If Mello truly trusts you, he will feel as though he can be vulnerable around you without any judgement on your end. Small acts that show vulnerability such as asking you to help him with something he can’t quite handle on his own — even if it’s something as simple as not being able to reach something off a shelf or being unsure about how to fix something. Eventually, he’ll work his way up to the bigger stuff like being physically wounded in front of you or having a mental block.

- Sharing his clothes with you or letting you pick his outfit for him. Now, it sounds like he’s just being a little diva and that’s only partially true. But his clothes are important to him, they’re a factor that sets him aside from his plain-dressing rival and in his eyes they make him more interesting than him, visually at least. He’s happy to dress you up, and it is true that he has to have a close relationship with you to want to do so, but you should be especially proud if he lets you alter his appearance in any way.

- He likes to believe that he’s had his goals set out from the beginning. Surpass Near, become the next L, and go on from there. What he pushes to the back of his brain are the moments he’s been studying and he’s asked himself ‘What if I went down a different path?’. He quickly pushes these thoughts away, but they keep coming back. What would life be like if this wasn’t an option for him? What if he were a writer? What if he lived in the city with people he loves and went to the movies every Friday? Unwillingly, he has a whole list of possibilities. If he truly trusts you, he’ll share every single one with you. Whether it’s dropping hints or confessing them one by one late at night, he can’t help but feel that they’re safe with you.

Misa

- it seems a bit surface level, but it’s true — Misa will talk down on Light in front of you if she trusts you. But it’s not straight away. She had developed a lot of courage to actually break up with him, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still doubt her decision to do so. It’s only when she finds out from you how loved ones are supposed to treat each other — with kindness and respect — that she feels her decision to ditch Light was the entirely right one. Slowly, she’ll start to admit to you all the things she hated about Light, starting with some of his mannerisms and building up to something like how he forced her to leave the entertainment business.

- Misa is…dramatic. She likes to go above and beyond for someone she’s infatuated with and make sure they’re the happiest they can be. If she trusts you enough to develop this kind of infatuation and, with some development, less of an obsession and more of a strong, bonding love, you will be doted on to the point where it’s almost ridiculous. You could be at home during one of her work days and you’ll get a delivery of lunch from your favorite takeout place because Misa was ‘thinking of you <3’, as she explains when you text her asking why food randomly showed up at your place. It’s rather sweet.

- Misa’s a pretty talkative person in general, that’s a well known fact. She’ll talk about clothes, a cute birdie she saw on her way home, really anything that comes to mind. But, she’ll do that with about anyone who’ll listen. It’s gradual, so it’s hard to notice, but if Misa grows to trust you she’ll start talking about some of the more serious things that have been on her mind for a while, those things that she thought would scare off anyone she liked because of how personal they are to her. Her family before they died, for example. It’s something that Misa thinks about. So much. But she doesn’t really talk about it. She wants to forget, put the past behind her but because she’s never talked about it with anyone it’s hard to do that. She’ll talk about her family to you, the little things her sister used to do and some things her parents did that she misses.

Matsuda

- Matsuda often begins to idolize those who he thinks are trustworthy and have a good heart. He starts to tell you how much he loves when you do x and that he wishes he could perform as well as you in that area. In a sense, he trusts you with his vulnerability, letting you know that he thinks of himself as less than satisfactory and how he wishes he could do better, only he channels it by pointing out good things about you. If…that makes sense.

- This sounds dire, but he’ll risk his life for the people he completely, without a doubt trusts. He was willing to do so with Chief Yagami, someone he saw as a father figure, and he would certainly be willing to do so with you, someone who he feels he has a deep emotional connection to. Whether you’re in a situation where he would need to or he’s just saying that he would, he means it.

- Matsuda trusts you to not make fun of him when he overshares or talks too much or anything his coworkers brush him off for. He feels that he can talk about things he finds funny and talk about his life without worrying about what you think of him when he does.

Matt

- he would drop everything to help you. Whether that’s dropping his game to help you kill a bug or leaving his duties behind to help you out of a life or death situation. Whichever scenario you happen to find yourself in he’s there no matter what.

- He’ll invite you into his personal life. I know this is kind of a given but Matt had the chance to become the next L. He had the chance to become something “great” and he said “ummm rather not” to it because it wasn’t something he wanted. If he shares this information with you, he trusts you not to leave him for something better when you discover the status he could have had and refused. He trusts you to appreciate him because of him and not the intelligence everyone but him cherishes.

- He leaves you alone around important technology and software he’s hacked. Unfortunately for him, betrayal comes with the business he’s got himself into and, if Matt really trusts you on both a professional and emotional level, he won’t have a problem worrying about whether or not you’ll take advantage of his coffee break to gather information for some other organization or something. He will literally just go “mkay babe I gotta go fuel up on caffeine real quick, you’re good watching the hacked government database right? Cool cya.”

Near

- Near trusts you to take him to public places. Sounds simple, yeah. But Near has never liked crowds, or even just too many strangers in a wide open place. It’s strange to everyone observing how one day he decides he needs a new toy, his old one having broken due to old age, and asks you to take him to the toy store. He’s questioned, people wondering why he wouldn’t rather you just go alone but Near insists. Apparently the toy that broke is special addition and he wants to make sure you get the right one. He stays close to you the whole way, not really saying much, but he’s there and that’s a big step for him.

- He helps you out with puzzles. Basically cheats for you. When he’s eyeing one specific empty slot, coughing lightly to get your attention, just know that he’s not helping you because he thinks you need it. Quite the opposite actually. With anyone else, he believes that they should be able to solve it on their own. He thinks that if they can’t, then that’s their fault. But with you…it’s as if he trusts that you’re intelligent enough without the puzzle being an indicator of that intelligence, so much so that he thinks the puzzle itself is obsolete when it comes to you. He doesn’t need a puzzle to know how smart you are.

- He’ll eat the foods you make him. Near’s picky eater-ness is above that of a child who only eats chicken tenders and pizza. He doesn’t eat that many people’s food because he knows it’s probably not he way he likes it. But with you, he trusts that you respect his eating habits and know him well enough to get it right the first time. Though he does check the food out for a bit, he’ll eat it. Sometimes all of it. Fuckin astonishing to Rester who had attempted many times to heat up microwave dinners for the guy.

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secretsolarsystem · 2 years ago

Note

Obi meets a time travel suitless Vader

my friend!!! thank you sm for sending this in, once I read it I immediately got this idea and it has lived in my head rent free ever since......

I fudged with their ages a bit here…this is rots!Anakin but older, maybe in his early to mid-30s, and tpm!Obi-Wan but a bit younger, like very early twenties. so their age gap’s a bit smaller but rots takes place later in the timeline than canon I guess idk LOL

padawan!Obi-Wan, Sith!Anakin (freshly Fallen), suitless!Vader (re: freshly Fallen), minor background Anakin/Padmé but only bc George Lucas made me, obsessive n possessive Anakin, time travel, bc the Force is over their dramatic mustafar break up, enemies in that Anakin wants to kill Obi-Wan super bad bc he loves him so much (mood) to well this is a different time with a different Obi-Wan and that just might change Anakin’s plans now won’t it, 2k

—

If Anakin was going to kill Obi-Wan before, he was going to destroy him now. Everything had been Obi-Wan’s doing, Obi-Wan’s fault, so this must be, too.

When the Council begrudgingly gave Anakin his seat while depriving him of his well-deserved title of Jedi Master, Obi-Wan had sat there, saying nothing. No “I tried, Anakin, I tried to get you your title,” not even just a smile and a “Soon, young one. Soon.”

And it was Obi-Wan they’d had ask him to spy on the Chancellor, Anakin’s friend. It was Obi-Wan who asked him to do such a vile thing – and yes, in retrospect, they’d been right to be wary of Palpatine, seeing as he was, indeed, the Sith Lord Sidious, but that wasn’t the point here. And Anakin knew why they had Obi-Wan do it. It was because Anakin had a hard time saying no to Obi-Wan, had a hard time disappointing his former master, even though that seemed to be all he ever did.

It was probably embarrassingly obvious, how much Anakin coveted Obi-Wan’s attention and praise. He wanted all of it for himself, and when he couldn’t get that, he’d provoke his master into scolding him just to get something. But Anakin could be deprived for only so long.

So it was Obi-Wan who’d pushed Anakin into Padmé’s arms; and then it was Obi-Wan who’d turned her against him, against the future they could’ve had, bringing peace and order to the galaxy at last.

They’d been blade to blade for what could have been minutes or hours, surrounded by the heat and flames of Mustafar. The war was over, at last, but of course Obi-Wan would push Anakin into yet another fight. Anakin could have nothing: no wife, no peace, no Obi-Wan. It made him see red.

If I can’t have him, no one can, was rushing through Anakin’s mind, through his veins as he landed blow after blow against his former master’s ‘saber. If Obi-Wan wouldn’t be his, he would die. And just Anakin was about to do the deed, just as he was about to cut down the object of all his desires, he’d appeared here, at the Jedi Temple.

Except, it wasn’t his Jedi Temple. There was Light and life flowing freely through the building; no sign whatsoever of the massacre Anakin and his battalion had performed here. Younglings ran about to their classes, padawans trailed diligently after their masters, the Force surged with various signatures greeting one another – it was pure, untouched, unscathed.

Anakin didn’t have enough patience to care. If he’d been thrown here, Obi-Wan had been too – he could feel his signature, bright as ever even if a bit altered. No matter; Anakin would know his signature in any time, any universe.

Obi-Wan’s presence got stronger and brighter as Anakin walked closer to the Council Chamber. Of course that’s where he’d go. Of course he’d hide away in the room Anakin detested the most. No matter; Anakin could easily turn Obi-Wan’s decision against him. He was going to make Obi-Wan watch as he tore the sacred room to shreds before he did the exact same thing to Obi-Wan himself.

Anakin turned down the hall, the Chamber doors in sight. He stalked quickly towards them, lips curled back into a snarl and lightsaber in hand, eyebrows furrowed and looking up through his lashes with fierce determination. As he approached, the doors swung open, and three people walked out, leaving behind the circle of seated Council members.

The three people leaving did not notice Anakin, probably because he’s standing stock still, frozen in place. Because standing in front of the now closed Chamber doors were Qui-Gon Jinn, his padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, and a nine-year-old Anakin Skywalker.

This… He must have been thrown back in time, to the day he’d first come to the Temple. The day the Council said he was too old to be trained, despite all he’d done to be free and leave Tatooine – to leave his mother behind.

Anakin can’t tell if his heart is beating dangerously fast or if it’s stopped altogether.

Perhaps it’s the latter, because he’s sure if it was beating at all it would be deafening in his ears, and yet, as he watched Qui-Gon puts his hands on Anakin’s – on his shoulders, he heard as the man says to Obi-Wan, “I can feel your distress, Obi-Wan. No need to worry – Anakin here will be trained.”

Obi-Wan’s voice is curt, his eyes stuck to the floor. “Yes, Master.”

“Go and meditate, Obi-Wan. We will reconvene and discuss this later, when you are not shielding yourself up so fiercely.”

Hands clasped in the sleeves of his robes, Obi-Wan gives a short bow, mouth pressed into a tight line. “Yes, Master.” With that, he turned swiftly, walking towards Anakin, eyes still downcast. Anakin vaguely remembered this exact moment, how worried he’d been about becoming a Jedi that he didn’t even notice the clench in Obi-Wan’s jaw or the way he clearly avoided looking at Anakin at all.

Now, though, of course he noticed. And as he watched Obi-Wan walk to what Anakin knows will be the Room of a Thousand Fountains, a favorite spot of Obi-Wan’s, Anakin’s rage came rushing back. Not only would Obi-Wan never want Anakin the way Anakin needed him to, but it seemed he’d never wanted Anakin at all. Anakin had assumed Obi-Wan’s stand-offishness had been from grief from losing his master or perhaps even nervousness at being made a master himself so quickly. But even now – then? – Obi-Wan couldn’t even look at Anakin’s younger self.

Maybe if he killed Obi-Wan now, it would fix everything. Anakin would get a different master – maybe Qui-Gon, somehow, would survive. He’d never get to know Obi-Wan. He’d never get to fall in love with Obi-Wan. He’d never get to agonize over that love, shove it down and then push it onto another, only for Obi-Wan to take her away, too.

Gripping his ‘saber tighter, Anakin followed, staying in the shadows of the hallways and slinking into the room behind Obi-Wan. He reached out in the Force, and satisfaction unfurled in his chest went he felt that they were alone. This was it. As least Anakin was doing him a kindness, letting Obi-Wan die in a room he so loved.

But when he approached his young master, the man turned around, face red and contorted into a frown. “How could he do this?” Obi-Wan demanded, looking at Anakin as if he’d have the answer. It threw Anakin off completely, made him lose his footing and step back, eyes wide and alert. “I’m sorry, but I just- He’s just going to drop me, just like that?”

Anakin didn’t know what to do. Here was Obi-Wan, angry and hurt and talking to Anakin about it. Obi-Wan – Anakin’s Obi-Wan – was never so open, had never let his emotions show and had never turned to Anakin when dealing with them.

That threw him off, and just looking at his master had Anakin off-kilter. He was so young and so…so pretty. Obi-Wan would hide all that youth and prettiness behind a beard, trying to make himself seem older. But now, looking at his clean-shaven face, Anakin could see every freckle, the pout of his lips, the sharpness of his jaw, the brightness of his angry blue eyes.

Stars, would there ever be an Obi-Wan Anakin didn’t love? He loved him, even now, as he held his thumb over the ignition of his ‘saber.

“Not only did he bring the kid along at all, but he left his mother behind! He left her to be a slave and took the one thing she had! Her only son! And then the Council says he’s too old, his future too clouded, and Master Qui-Gon- He says he’ll train him.”

Anakin could only blink at this. Had Obi-Wan really felt that way about their leaving his mother behind? Had he really felt guilt? Anakin never would have guessed. He supposed there were times when Obi-Wan had comforted him on nights he was homesick, but only up until a certain age. And when he’d started having dreams of her, Obi-Wan had suggested they meditate, but Anakin always turned him down. And then when he’d found her, when she’d- and then he’d- He didn’t talk to Obi-Wan about it at all, only gave a terse nod at Obi-Wan’s sad eyes and soft, “I’m so very sorry, padawan mine.”

Luckily, Anakin didn’t have to think of a response, because Obi-Wan was happy to keep venting. “He says he’ll train him, and I just- I didn’t know what to do. And Master Yoda had to point out that yeah, hey, Master Qui-Gon? You already have a padawan! Right behind you! In case you forgot!” Obi-Wan threw up his hands and gestured to himself with an incredulous look. “And then he says I’m ready for the Trials, and I agreed. I have no idea why I did that! I’m not ready for the Trials! Or maybe I am, but I don’t think Master Qui-Gon thinks I am…I think he’s just anxious to get rid of me. Anything to train his precious Chosen One…”

Frowning, Anakin tried to process everything that was happening. He never knew Obi-Wan had felt this way. Anakin really had been forced onto him, a knight so young and insecure and hurt by his master’s words. But it was shocking. No one was a better Jedi than Obi-Wan Kenobi, he had to know that. It’s what Anakin loved and hated most about him.

“I just…I don’t believe that he actually thinks I’m ready,” Obi-Wan said, sighing and wrapping his arms around himself.

Looking at his master, so young and so sad, Anakin decided something. Maybe he didn’t have to kill Obi-Wan, and everything could still be different. Everything had been so terrible because Anakin wanted Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan never wanted Anakin, right? Being presented here, now, with an Obi-Wan who clearly wanted nothing more than to be wanted – the answer was obvious.

Anakin wanted to be Obi-Wan’s, but what if Obi-Wan was his?

“What if you got a new master?” Anakin finally spoke, slow and cautious. Obi-Wan looked up at him with a frown. “I mean, if he can just take on a new padawan, can’t you do the same thing? If you really don’t feel ready to be knighted?”

Frown deepening, Obi-Wan crossed his arms in front of himself, narrowing his eyes as if just now realizing he’d been talking to another person this whole time. “Who are you?”

Smiling, Anakin clipped his ‘saber onto his belt and held out his hand. “You can call me Vader.” It was, after all, his new name. “And I’d happily be your master.”

Balking, Obi-Wan stared down at Anakin’s hand and back up to his face. “Why? I don’t even know you, I don’t think I’ve even seen you here before-”

“I’m new to this Temple,” Anakin said quickly, lowering his hand as his smile grew wider. Maybe unsettlingly so, but he couldn’t help it. Obi-Wan would be his. “And I’ve heard a lot about you, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I would be happy to help you finish your training.” If Anakin let him finish. He remembered how sad he’d been when his own braid was cut, no longer tying him to Obi-Wan. He was going to keep Obi-Wan as long as possible, and then even longer than that.

“You… Really? Why?” Obi-Wan was so confused, it was so cute. Anakin was liking this idea more and more.

He thought about being the master to Obi-Wan that Obi-Wan was not to him. Of doling out praise, of being free with touches, of being as affectionate as he pleased. Finally, he could have an Obi-Wan who didn’t see him as a young boy he’d been burdened with. Maybe he’d see Anakin the way Anakin had seen him. Maybe he’d want Anakin. And Anakin would let him – he’d let him have, too.

Maybe he was sent to here, now, for a reason. “It’s the will of the Force.”

Rolling his eyes, Obi-Wan scoffed. “Not you too,” he mumbled, and Anakin bit back a laugh. “Before I agree to anything, Master Vader, I have some questions for you. And we’ll have to talk to the Council, of course.”

The response was so very Obi-Wan, it made Anakin ache a little. But not for long – because this Obi-Wan… this Obi-Wan was his. “Yes, padawan,” Anakin agreed, smile fully manic now, “of course.”

prompted fic collection on ao3

#anakin w an insane smile bc he loves his little master sm he's gonna cup him in his hands and squeeze reblog if u agree #obikin #ask #prompt #my writing

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imaeraser · 3 years ago

Note

Hello!

I really love your headcannons about Strawhats with Teen reader, that's why...

If you don't mind - Can I ask for Platonic Strawhats with Female! Teen reader that tend to be the quietest in the crew because of her shyness?

I also had and the next idea after this one- but I don't want to overwhelm you with it. Take care of yourself!

Have a nice day!

Sorry for the wait, here you go!

Luffy

He was intrigued by you

That’s why he forced you onto his ship. And then he realized that instead of having a convoluted backstory, you were shy

And quite honestly it was refreshing

Even though he likes being around Chopper and Usopp and be loud as heck, he likes spending time with you

You balance him out

And even though you’re not an adult, he’ll go to you for advice. This makes the rest of the crew confused (and low-key mad) because he doesn't want their advice

But most of the time he doesn’t take your advice anyways

I think that you two are close, seeing as he is endlessly extroverted and will break through your walls no matter how hard you try

Most of the time he leaves you to your own devices, but he will drag you to large parties and make you feel as welcome as possible

He does the same on the ship, but that was never a problem anyways because everyone likes you

Feels the need to protect you, not only because you’re a member of the crew, but also because you’re the youngest

10/10 I can see him giving you some of his food (only some)

Zoro

Ultimate big brother vibes

Likes to go to you for a quiet space because the ship can be loud

So he spends a lot of time with you… sleeping

He also half-asks questions to fill up the space and gets to know you pretty well

He also feels a need to protect you since he sees you as kinda weak (but almost everyone is weaker compared to him)

He will also feel the need to shield you from the craziness of the ship

Like sir, it’s nice that you care, but they can take care of themselves too you know?

Doesn't incorporate you into the crew since… he’s mostly sleeping. But he would try, and he would fail because they already like you

Cue him being shocked that he wasn’t your only friend on board, but to be fair he is sleeping most of the time and not watching you

He likes the calmness you bring to the ship, good for his meditation sessions (but I don't think you want to just sit there why he meditates)

I can see you having fun with him and Chopper, maybe play a board game

8/10 calm down sir, they can take care of themselves

Nami

She’s like the cool and fun older sister

She likes to dress you up in her old clothes, and then gush about how cute you look (no, not her super tiny bikinis)

She takes it onto herself to guide you through… whatever I guess

Also feels the need to protect you from dudes

I think that she gives good advice, but when combined with Robin the two of them give life-altering wisdom

You can go to her for anything from how to sew to how to manipulate people

Always gives you juice when the crew starts drinking

If the ship starts to get too rowdy she will shout at everyone to keep it down, and then turn to smile at you as if her actions were for you

She will share her tangerines with you

I think that she wants to protect you, but is frustrated at the fact that she can’t be as strong as the Monster trio (but everything works out in the end)

If you borrow money from her, she will reduce the interest (only by a little)

9/10 only downside is the interest (if you ever borrow money)

Usopp

He was high-key suspicious of you

To be fair he is suspicious of anyone and everything, and seeing as you were quiet he was on the edge

But after you saved his life, he gets all buddy-buddy (really Usopp? You got saved by a teenager)

I think the two of you would get to know each other when he’s working on a new invention, and you guys are having idle chatter

Now he tried to act like a cool older brother. Always ready to swoop in and talk about his “accomplishments”

He will do just about anything to make you laugh

I can see some crazy (but fun) times with him, Chopper, and Luffy

He would give bad advice, but occasionally he does have some piece of wisdom

He would try to protect you, but… yeah

He ends up feeling bad, and incompetent. But tell him that he was amazing or something and he’ll be fine

I think he would get frustrated when you beat him at a game of cards

10/10 he is just so fun to be around

Sanji

Also acts like an older brother

He tries to protect you from guys, saying that they’re all dogs (but then you point out that he’s a guy)

This also means he tries to limit your time around Zoro, saying that he’s a bad influence

Then the two start to fight and right as they pull you into it, Nami hits both of them and carries you off to eat or something

Gives you more food because you’re still growing

He is a surprisingly good listener and when he chimes in his advice are always good

And like all of the crew, he will try to protect you from danger (ma’am you are still a teen, why are you on this ship? Oh wait, Luffy…)

I said he acts like your older brother, but he also acts like a proud dad sometimes

Like sir, why are you crying? All they did was perform twinkle twinkle little star on the piano (Brook taught you)

He also tries to restrain his pervert tendencies around you, but when they inevitably happen he can’t look you in the eyes for several days (he also smokes more. It gets to a point where you have to confront him)

He also teaches you how to cook

8/10 he can get a little extra sometimes

Chopper

If things get too crazy on the ship, he likes to go to you

I feel like he would try to act like a big brother, but you would just pet him (sorry Chopper)

I can see Chopper trying to get you to socialize more with the crew. Just drags you out with his tiny Reindeer paws

I can see you confiding in him a lot because it’s kinda like venting to a stuffed animal (again, sorry Chopper)

He gives (almost) child-like advice, but it’s so simple and it always works

I think you would beat both him and Usopp at games, and then they would proceed to chase you around

He would try to protect you, but he also knows that you need to push yourself to get stronger, so he lets you fight some of your fights

When you end up hurt, he always makes sure to be extra vigilant with your care

I believe that you would also try to protect him, but his pride would end up hurt

I think you two would spend a lot of time in his office for a quiet place to read (and for him to do work)

He makes you help him organize stuff

10/10 a great duo

Robin

She is the kind older sister

She is such a good listener, and her advice would solve all of the world's problems

If things get crazy on the ship, you go to her. She has the presence of calm around her that just soothes you

I think she would also like to participate in dressing you up with Nami. That means you get to wear Nami’s old clothes and Robin’s old clothes

Robin always has an extra book and cup of tea reserved for you. Tea times are when you two like to ramble about anything and everything. This is also the place where you can vent and the both of you talk about your past

She would like to teach you about world history, while you listen and ask questions

She would try to teach you how to read one glyph, but if it’s too hard she stops (and low-key gets sad)

Robin also lets you help her garden. She enjoys having a person keep her company while she does the things that make her happy

She thinks that you are too adorable, and that also makes her go into a momma bear mode when she thinks you are in danger

She will yell at crew members, and she will annihilate the enemies

Robin sees you in a similar way to Chopper, so if you say something dirty or cuss, her image of you will be ruined

10/10 she is perfection

Franky

I see him as a weird uncle figure

He mostly hides in his workshop and creates weird but cool inventions while you watch him and ask what he is doing

I don’t see you two talking about important things, just you two having fun and making jokes

He is fun to watch, but when he tries to get you to participate— it’s even more fun

I can see Robin trying to shield you from him (hey, he says he’s a pervert)

He would share his cola with you (I can see some very fun crew bonding time when everyone gets cola and huddles around Franky’s new invention)

Franky is the opposite of shy, so sometimes it gets to be a bit too much

Like sir, please leave them alone for one second

I think that Franky and Usopp would try to teach you how to make things

And if you like to prank people… they’ve created a monster

Expect all three of you to get yelled at

8/10 pretty good, but he does say some stuff that you don’t get sometimes

Brook

Another weird uncle

When he asked to see your panties, both Robin and Nami slapped him so hard, he had flown off

He never asked again

I can see him joining in on the Robin history over tea, and add things in he knows from living during the period (dang he’s old)

He occasionally makes the tea you three drink

I think he would try to teach you how to use a sword, and then get yelled at so he teaches you to play instruments instead

He’s a surprisingly easy-going teacher, if you don’t practice he’s not mad. He just assumes you don't want to learn. That means he won’t teach you, which leads you to practice

He would let you peek inside of his skull and then jumpscare you. It works every time

Brook would tell you about what he did during the two-year time skip, all while you’re laughing at the fact they called him Satan

I think that being around you and Luffy would make him remember his days as a teen

Starts to get all weary like a dad (and just like Sanji)

7/10 rough start, but good ending

Jinbei

He is the dad (not like, is)

He is always concerned for your health, and whether you should be fighting or not

He told Luffy that it was ridiculous to bring a teen on board, but then he realized Luffy is only 19…

Jinbei is always there to make sure you feel included, and will often leave the crew’s festivities just to hang out with you

Honestly, his old man self likes the quiet you bring

If you ask him, he’ll tell you about Fishman history (also over Robin History Tea Times)

100% tries to protect you. I think that can make you frustrated at times, but he has saved you so you can’t be too mad

So he teaches you Fishman Karate (it gets Robin’s stamp of approval because there are no sharp objects)

Jinbei gives the best advice, again dad and old man

He’s able to see different perspectives and tell you the best course of action (that gets annoying when you just want him to take your side, but you have Nami and Robin for that)

Also is proud of you when you achieve something (part of the tears dad group)

10/10 every group needs a parent figure

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twilightmalachite · 2 years ago

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Altered - Heaven and Hell 12

Author: Akira

Characters: Kanata, Natsume

Translator: Mika Enstars

"You would be one to refrain from saying “bad peopLE”, Kanata-niisan. NormalLY, people judge others based on whether they are good or bAD, friend or fOE."

Season: Autumn

Location: Yumenosaki Academy Hallway

⚠️ This is an import from a unproofed Twitter Livetweet!

At the same time, in a hallway at Yumenosaki Academy…

Kanata: … …

Natsume: Kanata-niisan!

Kanata: …? Ah~, Nacchan. ♪

What is it? It’s “rare” to see you “out” here~. ♪

Nacchan is always at that place full of “books”—the “library”? You shut yourself in there and barely come out.

It’s no good~, it’s apparently “unhealthy” if you don’t go “out”.

Mikejima “lectured” me about it a long time ago.

But because I’m a “god”, if he “lectures” me, then Mikejima is “lecturing” to everyone.

Still, he “lectures” me anyways. I guess he likes to “lecture”.

Natsume: What are you talking aboUT? More importantLY, put those blades doWN!

Kanata: Blades?

Oh~, these “scissors”. Do not worry, because I remember how to "use" them. It’s all good.

Natsume: I don’t believe that at aLL. Kanata-niisan, you didn’t even know how to ride the train until just the other dAY.

Kanata: Ahh, that huge “moving receptacle”?

A relative of mister “whale”, perhaps?

Natsume: See, you don’t seem to understand it very weLL… I’m always wondering how you’re able to live like thAT, Kanata-niisan.

Kanata: Yes~, that is because everyone “protected” me.

But because of that, things are also “difficult”.

Because all obstacles had to be “removed” to retain me from “danger”.

Fufu, still, I can see what is “in front” of me more than I “used” to. My “hair” would get in the way and I would “fall down” a lot because I could not see well.

This time around, maybe I should chop it all off?

Natsume: If you’re going to cut your haIR, shouldn’t you just go to a hair salON…?

Kanata: So that’s what it is called~. I did not know of the “regular” way, because before Mikejima or Souma would be the ones to cut my “hair”.

There are still a lot of things I “do not know”.

But, there’s something even I can understand. That now, we’re in what is called a “lot of trouble”.

What us “Five Eccentrics” all talked about, after seeing what happened to Shu’s “performance” the other day.

We are being targeted.

By scary people, who hate us.

Natsume: You would be one to refrain from saying “bad peopLE”, Kanata-niisan. NormalLY, people judge others based on whether they are good or bAD, friend or fOE.

Kanata: So that’s how it is~. I don’t get it, though.

Mikejima would often tell me that people who use words like “justice” and “evil” are selfish. But, I’m not even sure why those people are “fighting”.

The “bad” should be gotten rid of, though. But to “fight” for it using “violence” would only please the “bad”.

Shouldn’t we all just “get along”? It’s sad, isn’t it~?

Natsume: It really iS.

Natsume: …TcH. This isn’t the time for idle chattER, thouGH. GoSH, all my cares seem to just disappear when I’m with yOU, Kanata-niisan.

Kanata: Ehee. That’s is just what a “god” does~. ♪

I hope everyone can be relaxed, and “happy” without a care.

Natsume: I think it will be difficult to achieve thAT, not with how Yumenosaki is as it is nOW.

Something terrible has already begUN. A stage curtain has been risEN. Shu-niisan was led into a cowardly trap and humiliated the other dAY.

Just like you said earliER, Kanata-niisan, I think one of us will soon become the next targET.

I don’t think that the bad things are ovER… I don’t think life will return to everyday peace yET.

Rei-niisan said something like “let’s all run off together before we get caught up in any more messes!” and seems to be trying to buy a house abroad where we could all live togethER…

So, he’s gone across the sea again to look for propertiES.

Kanata: Fufufu, Rei really has his “freedom”, doesn’t he~. He’s interesting.

Living in harmony with everyone all the way “across” the sea, huh? Maybe there is such a “future”.

If that could happen, I would be very, very “happy”.

But, unfortunately, I cannot leave this “land”.

I have a “duty”.

I shall spend the rest of my life as a “god”, bound to this “land”. Just as the one I called... “mother”, once “also” did.

Natsume: Isn’t “the one you called mother” kind of a round-about way to say thAT?

Kanata: Umm. I think the person who I wanted to call “mother”, was just my ordinary “mother”.

But because she was a “goddess” up until she died, she would “lecture” me if I called her “mother”.

But since I am a “god” now, I thought… Maybe it is okay for me to call her my “mother”.

← prev | story directory | next →

#altered #event #translation #kanata shinkai #natsume sakasaki

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butwhatifidothis · 3 years ago

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So. Took a look into that fic @nilsh13 is going through the comments of. Dunno if I’ll actually go through the entire thing - 300k words is certainly a lot of words to read through, especially with it still updating, but I’ve read through/am reading through longer ones - but I jumped to the latest chapter to get a feel for where the fic’s at now.

I’m not halfway through the chapter and I have Words To Say lmao, under the cut

This is going to be as serious a critique about the sections I’ve selected as possible - I want to be clear why I think what is being written is not of high quality, pointing out specifically what I have wrong with it.

Here are some snippets of the fic (boldened), and following those snippets are my thoughts on them:

“My actions have caused immense turmoil, pitting friend against friend, mother against daughter, and brother against sister*,” muttered Edelgard, desperately trying to drive any hint of self-pity (emphasis mine) from her voice. “My best friend has been disowned by her family, Hubert and Ferdinand’s fathers are dead or imprisoned, and the woman I love is now deemed a heretic by the Church that once offered her shelter. The weight of my decisions seems to pull down all who are caught in the shadow of the Imperial crown.” The Flame Emperor gave Professor Hanneman a wan smile. “Whatever imagined slights you believe you have committed against me, they pale in comparison to the carnage my own words and deeds have unleashed.”

""I made my choice, the only choice I could make, and dragged this continent down to hell with me. It makes me a poor ruler, and an even baser person, but that was the path I knew I must take.""

“"It is funny you use the word ‘choice’, Miss Edelgard. When I resigned my title to study at Garreg Mach, I lost marriage prospects, became penniless outside of a small stipend…I even renounced the opportunity to have a family.” Hanneman smiled, his whole body suffused with melancholy. “Really, how could I dare to dream of bringing a daughter into a world this senseless and cruel, knowing that someday, she too, could be hurt in such a way? I…I would not survive it.” The man’s body shook. “I sacrificed those things, things I desperately wanted, because the chance to allow my sister to rest in peace was more important. And I would make that choice again, despite all that it has cost me. You are much the same.”"

"“But your sacrifices were your own,” protested the Emperor of Adrestia. “Thousands bleed for the choices that I have made, and sacrifice themselves for the cause that I have placed before them. There is a profound difference-“"

"“We are both wise enough to know a painful truth,” said the scholar with a melancholy smile. “No matter how grave the sins, no matter how many innocents suffer…there will be countless individuals who will defend the law not because it is just, or righteous, but because it is the law. They will permit a hundred Abysses, and a thousand women to be raped, and a million dead children, as long as such actions do not disturb their order.” He placed a hand on Edelgard’s shoulder. “To stand against such moral rot, knowing that the world will despise and vilify you for it, is the truest sign of not only a just ruler, but a good woman.”"

"The academic’s words blazed with the passion of both a scholar and a man who had watched his world crumble to ash. A man who had been forced to live in the remnants of a life forever altered by the cruelty of both society and of humanity. And yet he had fought, the only way he could, to make the world better. It gave the Flame Emperor new resolve."

"“I…” He turned and looked away. “I believe in you, Miss Edelgard. When I see you, and your determination, your spirit, your bravery in choosing not what is easy, but what is right…it reminds me of her.” Fingers clenched around his locket. “I will fight for you, in the way I should have fought for my sister, long ago. My strength is meagre, and my courage more meagre still. However, all of it is yours.”"

The author writes Edelgard as one trying to give pity onto herself for her actions, despite how negatively they affect her, due to the immense ramifications those actions have had on those both around her and those under her care. This is the appropriate response to someone who has done as morally dubious an action as starting and spearheading a war that has led to the deaths and suffering of countless innocent people, some of whom were undoubtedly already going through immense suffering without war compounding itself onto their already existing pain. She - rightfully - points as, as a negative towards herself, that she has forced thousands of people to sacrifice their lives, livelihoods, friends, family, homes, etc. in order to continue with her war. Edelgard's canonical self-justification - that she had no other choice to do this - is properly utilized, and further characterization is given to her when she herself recognizes that performing such horrendous actions on the people under her care makes her a poor ruler and terrible person. This is, in truth, a decent set-up for her to go onto a possible path of redemption or self-realization.

However, that progress is forcibly stopped and reverted by Hanneman justifying her actions and recontextualizing them in a morally good light. In fact, the entire story does this, as characters act wildly out of character in order for Edelgard to be seen as good in comparison to them. Focusing on the quoted lines, however, Hanneman relating him giving up nobility and going into momentary poverty - whether true to canon or not - to Edelgard's war actively paints her actions as something that she had a right to be making, which she does not, as they force others to make sacrifices for her cause. When she herself rightfully points this discrepancy out, Hanneman excuses her actions by pointing to another - supposed - source of turmoil and essentially saying "You are more right than x, therefore your y actions are not only better, but objectively good, and make you a good person." He says nothing of the inherent injustice of taking away the choice of the people to live as they want and fight for who they want as well as deliberately taking away any semblance of safety from them, and makes objective statements about Edelgard's moral righteousness despite her taking actions that would, by definition, make her moral righteousness a subjective matter at minimum.

Hanneman is projecting the image of his sister and his own personal sense of justice onto Edelgard, and thus sees her as just as much a victim of the war and society as everyone else. Edelgard is a young woman who has gone through trauma due to Crests, as was his sister, and he himself (in this story, though not within the quoted lines) wanted to beat the man who abused his sister to death, and so he sees Edelgard using violence as a means to achieve justice as not only not questionable, but morally good and brave, as he felt he was not brave enough to enact "justice" onto the man that caused his sister's death. Instead of this being settled, focused on, or even mentioned, despite its obvious nature due to deliberate connections Hanneman himself makes, it is used as a means to showcase that Hanneman is a, for lack of a better term, "expert" on what he is saying when speaking to Edelgard. He knows what it's like to want to force change, he has by-proxy experienced the apparent injustice of the Church - not human society, not his family's decision to allow his sister to be married off, not the man who caused her death's decision to discard her, but strictly the Church and only the Church - and so he can "rightfully" justify and excuse Edelgard's morally questionable actions and paint them in a solely positive light, with no nuance or gray whatsoever.

Edelgard, in the first quote, attempts to say her actions without a tone of self-pity, and yet the narrative itself pities Edelgard. She should be allowed to feel bad about her actions - not because they are causing unfathomable suffering on people who were underserving, but because they’re just hard decisions that she was good and brave to make and maybe she can feel a little bad for herself for making them. She shouldn't feel responsible for choosing to start the war - in fact, did she really have a choice, or did everyone else in society force her to? She shouldn't question whether she's a good person or not, because she simply is - no debate, no question. She is - “justly” - standing up against "moral rot"; that she does so with even more moral rot is irrelevant, because, according to the story, it is not as rotten as that she's up against, therefore it is no longer rotten in the first place. War has been completely justified, as it is now not the last resort of desperation that could only ever be morally grey at its absolute best, but an objectively morally white decision of an objectively morally white person who is facing an objectively morally black opponent.

The actions of other characters attempt to paint Edelgard as someone closer to the former, but I will - maybe - eventually go over how those characters are extremely mischaracterized in order to prop Edelgard as their moral superior.

#anti edelgard #Anti-edelgard #Edelgard critical #o captain my captain #<- borrowing nilsh's tag for this lmao in case I do end up continuing this #but yeah from just the latest chapter there are characters that 100% cheerlead for the pure righteousness that is Edelgard #so yeah that's... gonna be fun lmao

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

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Break In The New Year ~ MYG [Request]

WORD COUNT: 5.4K

GENRE: Friends to lovers, New Year’s Eve, Non Idol Au, angst with a fluffy ending

PAIRING: Yoongi x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Mentions of house being broken into, heartache, and police cells 💕💕

"I would owe you a big favour, we already went through this. You can hold it over me for the rest of my life." You tugged on Yoongi's arm as you walked through the supermarket together, begging for him to do you yet another huge thing for you. Yoongi had been your roommate since you were in college and you both continued to be roommates even after graduating and getting jobs. Moving in together was the best decision either of you had made since you knew each other for such a long time it made sense.

"You already owe me from the last time I did something for you." You rolled your eyes at him before jumping up to reach for the box of corn flakes that were on the top shelf, always on the top shelve. He was talking about how you'd gotten him to go to a family event with you so you wouldn't be the talk of the party and he would be instead.

"Then I'll owe you double, you don't understand Yoongi-" When he reached up for the box for you you stopped talking and thanked him for it placing the box into your trolley.

"They're like the bitches of Eastwick," He finished off what you were going to say since he'd heard the story about your co-workers a billion times from you. It was the truth though, the three of them were evil, whenever they got together you swore they were planning the end of the world.

"I told you that one already?" You laughed nervously while following along behind him to the next aisle, he was pushing the trolley this week since the week before you had an "incident". Which he brought pleasure in bringing up every time you whined about not getting to push it.

"I still stand by the fact that the trolley rolled on its own." You folded your arms over your chest like a child earning a chuckle to come from Yoongi as he raised his eyebrow at you turning to his side as he picked up some toilet roll for the apartment.

"The trolley, which you were pushing, rolled on its own into a rack of wine with you hanging on the back of it and shouting-" Yoongi stopped still as he lifted up his hands into the air and shook them as if he was trying to do jazz hands.

"Whee look at me, so much fun, so much fun!" He mocked in a high pitch voice to which you threw a roll of kitchen roll at his head bouncing off and ending into the trolley.

"I don't sound like that," You pouted at him walking around to the next aisle when you saw someone from work walking towards you, fortunately for you it was one of the nicer females on your office floor. Always trying to be pleasant with you and everyone around her, even she hated the three bitches of Eastwick on your floor. Everyone hated those three though, you didn't even think your boss liked them if you were being honest.

"Y/n? Hi!" You smiled at her walking with Yoongi as he looked at you with an expression of 'who is it?'.

"Hey Dawn, Dawn this is Yoongi. Yoongi this is Dawn from work. She's one of the IT girls." You smiled at Yoongi to let him know that Dawn was friendly and he reached out his hand to shake hers.

"Nice to meet you, Y/n talks so much about you. Roommates in college, roommates again. You must be very close." Dawn was being friendly with Yoongi so he smiled at her and joked about it with her,

"Very close, I'm secretly blackmailing her to stay with me really." He teased as you walked towards the freezer sections to buy food you would both need at the home.

Once you were out of the supermarket Yoongi looked at you,

"I'll go. But you owe me big. Huge." He told you as you began shutting the boot of his car, turning to look at him you smiled at him innocently. All of this was to get him to come along to the New Year's Eve party that your boss was throwing, it was a huge party that would be thrown on your office floor. They did it every year and every year you were alone which was why you were begging Yoongi to go with you this time.

"I don't like when you smile at me like that, y-you look creepy. Stop it." He begged you but you smiled even wider before wrapping your arms around his neck and giggling like a possessed doll as you tried to get him to do this for you.

"Thank you Yoongi!" You yelled gaining the attention of couples in the parking lot who were all giving you weird looks as Yoongi tried to get away from you trying to pull his body away from yours but you kept your grip on him.

"It's a date-" Yoongi told you before cutting himself off, he looked at you as he began to turn a slight pink colour at the thought of taking you out on a real date.

"I'll be your fake date. Dawn told me how the Bitches of Eastwick all slam you for never having one." His words came out in a stutter but you knew what he was trying to say and do for you so you thanked him. Unwrapping your arms from around his neck and smiling at him,

"You're a lifesaver. You have my soul until you decide to use your favours." You promised him, taking the trolley back over to the trolley bay leaving Yoongi to start up the car trying to calm down his brightening cheeks.

"No funny business either, you have to dress nice that night. It's an office party but everyone's going all out." You told him once you were back in the passenger seat beside him, he knew he'd agreed to this but now he was hearing more about it he wished he hadn't.

"It's a New Years Eve party, it's not as if we need to go all out-" He stopped talking when he saw the sad look on your face, he'd always found it hard saying no to you whenever you gave him that look and you knew that. It was like looking into a puppy's eyes whenever they were begging for food and it made him think of Holy back home. He reached out to cover your eyes with one hand,

"Stop playing that to your advantage, it's not fair. I'm not dressing up in a suit just for a party!"

"I'm dressed in a suit for a party." He grumbled a week later when he was standing in the apartment living room in his tux, it was an all-black piece with a black bow tie to match. He brushed his hands down the fabric as he stared at himself in the huge mirror above your fireplace.

"You look great, shut up." You muttered from the bathroom as you applied the finishing touches to your makeup, you wanted to look nice since there was going to be a photographer on-site snapping pictures of everything. It was true though, Yoongi looked sexy...Not that you would ever tell him that to your face you would be too embarrassed to.

"Right, Bitches of Eastwicks, names!?" You called out as you slipped into the pair of silver high-heeled shoes you'd gotten to go with your dress. This was a test to make sure he could perform well tonight as your fake date.

"Blonde one is Flair, Brunette is Mina and then the one with dyed blue hair is Claire?" He looked over at the bathroom door when he heard it open and his mouth almost dropped to the floor upon seeing you. The red dress you were wearing was a high-low one with lace sleeves just off the shoulder and then the rest of the dress was multi-layered with tulle, and a satin lining.

"What? Does it look bad?" You panicked to yourself, looking down as you ran your hands over the fabric but Yoongi shook his head. He hadn't seen you this dressed up since it was your graduation night and even that was just a pair of jeans and a fancy shirt - which you'd stolen from him.

"You look great...S-Seriously, you look...Wow." He was at a loss for words as he continued to look at you, it was just something you'd picked up in a sale shop. It was almost 50% off so you knew it had to be the dress for tonight, you could never afford the real thing in your lifetime or the next.

"Good...T-That's er...That's great." You both turned tried to ignore the awkward tension that was lingering in the air. The thing was you'd had a crush on Yoongi since you were in your first year at college together but he'd never been interested in you that way before. Deciding to go for other girls around you rather than you so you forced those feelings deep down inside of you. Yoongi, in turn, doing the same thing when he thought you didn't like him either.

"I'll drive," He grabbed his keys from the coffee table in the living room and began walking out towards the driveway.

Neither of you had discussed what this fake date evening was going to entail so when you got to the office Yoongi took over everything acting as though he was your boyfriend. He wrapped his arm around your waist while you did your best to ignore the tingling sensation it sent throughout your body. He kissed your cheek whenever someone would look at you both and spin you around as you walked across the dance floor.

"Let's go get a drink," He whispered to you as he made his way through the crowds of people, all of them dressed up just like the two of you were. Some even more extravagant - as if they were taking it as some kind of competition.

"Y/n?! Is that you?!" Yoongi felt your whole body tense up as soon as someone screamed out your name, all eyes working their way onto the two of you as you stood at the drinks table. Taking in a huge deep breath you prepared yourself for the fakest smile you could manage.

"Flair!" You cried out in almost a higher tone than hers, Yoongi's grip on you tightened as he turned you around to face Flair, from what he'd heard he was expecting someone old and mean looking but that wasn't what he was met with. As soon as he turned to look at the blonde mouth fell open, even more so then when he'd seen you at home. The dress you were wearing was on Flair's body only in black and with more beading, on the top half of the dress, she'd clearly had it altered. Your stomach sank upon the sight of her in it, every cell in your body turning against you and telling you that she looked better in it than you ever would.

"Oh look! We're matching," She said condescendingly as she moved closer to you, one of the worst things about Flair was that she faked her niceness. She would act as though she was your best friend, mimicking her digs at the way you dressed or looked as though they were nothing but playful banter between two friends.

"Oh wait, yours isn't the same. It looks like you got yours at a sale," The tag! You'd completely forgotten to take the tag out of the back of the dress and your heart began to thump against your chest at the thought of people seeing it on you and laughing about it but it was too late.

"Ah, my fault. I forgot to remove that for her when I bought it." You looked at Yoongi with tear-filled eyes mentally thanking him for at least trying to save you from embarrassment, everyone around you was starting to giggle and chuckle amongst themselves.

The tag was removed so Flair moved onto something else to dig at you for as she always did with everyone around her,

"Did you do your makeup? I just love this shade of red you have on your lips," Your hand raised to your lips as you tried to hide it from her, whenever she said she loved something it meant she hated it. You'd worked with her long enough to know exactly what she did and didn't mean when it came to things like this.

"You must be her date, Yoongi was it? Dawn told me all about you." Dawn hid behind her own date as Claire and Mina pushed you to stand behind them while they interrogated Yoongi. Who didn't look scared in the least and was smiling bigger than you'd ever seen him smile around you before. It was just like college all over again when he would find other girls to be with.

There was an hour to go until Midnight, Yoongi was walking over to you after spending most of his night with the bitches of Eastwick all of them laughing so loud you could hear them over the music blasting through the speaker beside your head.

"This is great! I can't believe you think Flair hates you. She loves your dress, hair and makeup tonight. She's even going to take you out for breakfast one day next week." You smiled falsely at Yoongi who was feeding into all of her lies, it happened with every guy who came into contact with Flair. At this point, you were starting to think that maybe she was a witch and could put a spell over anyone she wanted to. Deciding you didn't want to put a damper on his night you played along with it,

"Sounds great, is that for me?" You asked as you pointed at the drink in his hand, he stared down at it before shaking his head at you.

"No, I grabbed it for Flair. She's going to give me a tour of the building-"

"I can do that if you want to see it." You told him as you got up on your feet ready to take him wherever it was he wanted to go but a panicked look spread across Yoongi's face.

"No! Flair said she'll do it. She knows the lay of the land better, she's been here a lot longer than you have Y/n." And just like that, he left you alone by the speaker to overthink everything that was running through your head. Did he forget that he was supposed to be pretending to be your date? Did he forget that Flair was one of the few people you hated in this world? Dawn slowly made her way over to you with a drink in her hand holding it out to you in an offering and sign of peace.

"I have a blabbermouth," She whispered as she slid the drink into your hand, you smiled weakly at her shaking your head. Flair, Claire and Mina had their own way of bringing out that side in people though. People always found themselves spilling secrets or gossiping along with them just so they could feel like they were a part of something with them, just like high school when people would try to fit in.

"It's alright, we've all been there." You whispered to her before downing the drink she'd given you and rose to your feet once again wanting to get out of the room for a while. Clear your head and just get some air,

"Going to go to the bathroom." You told her as you began making your way out of the office and towards the ladies on that floor.

30 Seconds to go until midnight and you were still rushing around to try and find Yoongi, Claire and Mina were both with their dates on the dance floor chanting out the numbers of the count down. Someone claimed to have seen Yoongi up on the roof so you were sprinting up the two flights of stairs that lead to the roof exit, you'd just hit the top flight when you heard the chanting of numbers.

"10!" You were starting to breathe heavily as you continued to go up the final flight,

"4!" You whimpered as you pushed the huge door open until to then hear fireworks exploding, for a second you looked up at the night sky to look at them but your whole world came to a crashing halt when your eye went down to see Yoongi kissing Flair. His arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her closer to him, her arms wrapped around his neck as she let out a small whine. A noise left your throat as you tried not to cry but the tears were already beginning to stream down your cheeks as you turned to leave before either of them could see you up there. You needed to get out of the building before he could question where you were.

"Fuck," You croaked as you made it into the elevator on the floor where the party was, you smashed against the buttons trying to get it to move faster before sinking onto the floor. Drawing your knees in against your chest as you sobbed into them, wanting nothing more than to get home to your apartment and be left alone to cry the night away. There was nothing reasonably for you to be upset or jealous over but Flair knew what she was doing. She'd heard Yoongi was your date and decided to go against it all and kiss him anyway. Then there was Yoongi. Kissing someone you viewed as your enemy, someone he knew you didn't get along with. Your heart was starting to clench every time you thought about them kissing the scene on the roof was something you were never going to be able to erase from your memory no matter how hard you tried to get it out. Tears continued to roll down your cheeks as you reached the bottom floor, couples were making out everywhere you turned so you walked around with your head hanging low.

The walk home from the building wasn't that far so you didn't have to worry about a long journey but you just worried about how dark and late it was. You'd tried to get a cab but since it was New Year's Eve everything was pretty much booked out leaving you to walk home in the dark.

The whole way home you felt as though you were being watched, someone following behind you in the shadows but you put it down to being paranoid over it being a holiday. But something didn't sit right with you, there was a pit in your stomach but not the same kind you'd gotten when seeing Yoongi with Flair this one was different. It was like you knew there was something wrong but you didn't know what it was or had any idea what it could have been so you just picked up the pace of your walk. Trying not to jump every time a firework would go off or a drunken idiot would scream at you from across the road. You did your best to keep your composure as you reached your street.

The nagging feeling inside of you didn't stop when you got to your apartment but that was because when you reached your place the door was ajar.

"For fuck sake Yoongi," You muttered to yourself as you pushed the door all the way open and kicked off your heels. He was always the last one out of the apartment and always forgot to shut it and lock it properly. Putting you both at risk, tonight you didn't have it in you to ring him and tell him how much he fucked up.

"Fucking idiot-" You stopped whispering to yourself as soon as you walked into the living room, it was now clear what the nagging feeling inside of you was. The apartment was completely trashed, it was clear that someone had broken in and was looking for something. The TV was missing, the coffee table and mirror were completely smashed up along with a bunch of other stuff from the kitchen. Taking out your phone you walked through to the kitchen to see if anything had been taken and a bunch of kitchen appliances were missing. The drawers and cupboards open and everything inside smashed against the floor, you tiptoed back to the living room calling the police trying not to step on any of the glass that was on the floor.

"Hi, I need to report a robbery," You spoke into the phone as you worriedly looked around the living room.

"Can I take your name and address, please? Are you alone in the house or is someone still there?" The thought of whoever had done this to your apartment being inside hadn't crossed your mind until now and your anxiety began to pick up. Your heart raced against your chest as you glanced around not knowing if you were alone, surely if someone was in the house they would have made their presence known by now.

"I don't think so, I-I think they left-" There was a floorboard upstairs that creaked so you began to whisper to the lady on the phone telling her the address and name for the house while you tried to make your way out of the apartment without whoever it was that had broken in finding you.

Before you even made it to the front door someone came up behind you and grabbed you causing you to squeal and drop your phone on the floor. The operator began yelling but you couldn't hear what she was saying,

"LET GO OF ME!" You screamed out kicking back as hard as you could but whoever it was had the strongest grip imaginable on you as you tried to fight them off of you but it was useless.

"Fucking bitch!" A low voice growled as they dropped you onto the living room floor into the pile of glass that was below you after you bit their hand that had been covering your mouth.

"HELP!" You screamed out hoping that one of your neighbours would hear your cries and come to your rescue. You began crawling to get out of the way but the voice boomed out,

"Fucking come here!" Their voice was as deep as thunder which was scary enough, they grabbed onto your ankle as you tried to crawl away from them, you screamed as they dragged you along the class and into their grasp before they hit you over the side of your head-turning everything around you into black.

When you finally came to again there was a police officer calling out your name as they helped you up from the floor,

"You're Y/n, you made the police call?" You glanced at the officer and nodded slowly, your head felt as though it was on fire and the entire room was beginning to spin. A medic on-site began cleaning up your head, applying a cold compress to your skin.

"Yeah I made the call," You stared at his name badge and then back up at him. Officer Jimin. He had blonde hair and was writing down something in a small pad. The medic left you alone and went outside of the apartment.

"We found you on the floor, did the person who did this attack you? Did you get a good look at them?" You shook your head, whining out as you did so not wanting to move your head any more than you had to.

"Headache?" You hummed in response to his question and he sighed not wanting to put you through more any stress than you'd already been through.

"Do you have anyone you can call to go and stay with?" The thought of calling your mother terrified you, she'd told you not to move into the city with Yoongi so calling her and telling her the place was broken into wasn't an option. Yoongi was no doubt busy with Flair so you shook your head softly,

"No, my roommate isn't available." You mumbled as you got up from the sofa and looked around the whole place was a mess, you didn't know if you would be allowed to stay here or not.

"Well we're still doing some investigating but I can take you back to the station and have you in police custody for now. It won't go on your record, just somewhere to keep you warm and safe for the night," You didn't have the energy to fight him on it nor did you have anywhere else to go so you agreed to go with him to the police station. Provided you could grab some clothes to change into first.

The next morning Yoongi finally woke up in Flair's apartment with one of the biggest hangovers he'd ever had to nurse back to health but he bolted out of her place and headed for the nearest shop. Grabbing the largest fizzy drink he could find and began walking back to your apartment, all he wanted to do was get into the apartment and have a bubble bath but when he got to the street people were staring down at his apartment.

"Yoongi dear! You're okay?!" He frowned when one of his neighbours, an elderly lady Mrs Park, asked if he was okay. Of course, he was why wouldn't he be?

"I'm fine, I went to a party. What's going on? Where's Y/n?" The small lady began shaking her head as they watched a police car drive down into the driveway. The whole world seemed to slow down as he saw another cop car making his way onto the scene.

"Not sure, I woke up this morning to sirens and police tape, when I asked what happened they just told me to move." Another van passed by them and this time Yoongi could see the words "crime scene investigation" written across the side of it. His heart sank as he began racing towards the tape, dropping his bag onto the floor as he just sprinted ignoring the police yelling at him to stop.

"You can't be in here," An officer said as he looked up from the floor, Yoongi stared down at where he'd been looking to see blood on the floor. Bits of your dress was shredded everywhere,

"W-What happened?! Where's Y/n?!" His voice was cracking and going up in pitch as he stared around for you, you would have called him if something had happened right?

"Relax. Y/n is fine, she's in police custody while we investigate what happened here. You are the roommate that was busy last night?" The way the officer said that he was "busy" annoyed him but he grit his teeth and nodded along with him not wanting to get into trouble with the officer,

"Yeah, I'm Yoongi. Can I see her?" The officer shook his head,

"I need to ask you some questions before I take you down to see her. Where were you last night?" He rolled his eyes, he knew that it was their job to investigate every leady possible but what was the point in questioning Yoongi when he already had an alibi.

As soon as Yoongi walked into the precinct his heart sank and he began to feel heavy with guilt as he realised none of this would have happened if he had been with you like he was supposed to have been. You were sitting at a desk with a female police officer going over everything that had happened the night before, there was a bruise on your lower eye and a huge band-aid on your forehead that looked as though it needed changing since it had blood on it.

"Y/n!?" He yelled out, you glanced up at him and without smiling, you went back to talking to the police officer in front of you ignoring Yoongi as if he wasn't even there right now you didn't want to look in his direction.

"What happened to her?" Yoongi questioned Jimin as he was walked over to a separate desk.

"She walked home alone, found her apartment broken into and the assailant knocked her out after finding her in the house. You're lucky she isn't hurt worse than she is," Jimin grumbled as he began to write down Yoongi's night, taking note of every name he was giving to him. Yoongi did he best to remember exactly what time he got to Flair's apartment and what time he woke up so he could be in the clear.

"Y/n..." You glanced at Yoongi who was now sitting beside you in one of the staff rooms of the precinct.

"How was the party?" You asked him as you looked into the cup of coffee you were drinking, it tasted worse than anything you could imagine at this moment in time but it was the only coffee they had.

"How's your head? Did you see them?" You shook your head at him as you looked down at your hands, trying not to tear up at the thought of whoever it was being in the same house as you and hurting you.

"I should have been with you, I'm sorry." He dragged you into his arms but you didn't fight it. You rested your head against his chest as you sobbed silently into his ribs, listening to the way his heart thumped against his rib cage.

"I never should have left you alone at the party." Thoughts of where he'd been all night began to creep into your mind and you felt yourself getting jealous all over again but you bit down on your tongue as you fought the urge to say something about Flair.

"D-Did you go to Flair's?" You questioned, pulling away from him and getting up from the small sofa to bin the crappy cup of coffee you were drinking.

"Yeah. Nothing happened." He told you quickly, you looked over your shoulder at him.

"Not that it has anything to do with me. You're an adult Yoongi you can do what you want." You turned back in front of you and began looking into the vending machine for something to eat,

"Y/n..." Yoongi breathed out as he got up from the sofa and made his way over to you, his hand was resting on your waist. Tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of him touching Flair the same way the night before.

"We're not a couple Yoongi, it doesn't matter to me who you go home with or who you make out with on the rooftop of my office building." You turned around to face him to continue your rant when his lips were on yours. Finally, after 5 years in college and then another two in your apartment, he was kissing you deeply. Your arms naturally wrapped around his neck pulling yourself closer to him while he smirked against your lips,

"I went back to her apartment to cool down...I'd been drinking a lot since I wanted to kiss you at midnight...I kissed her on the roof because I was too intoxicated to try and find you." It was a dumb excuse he knew that and he could tell by the look on your face that you were thinking the same thing.

"I never should have left you alone...If you give me another chance and let me take you out on a real date. I'll make it up to you." You bit down on your lip as you stared into his eyes,

"I don't know..." You lied, trailing off your voice as you pretended to think about his office. He growled pulling you closer by the arms wrapped around your waist.

"You still owe me favours, this is me cashing them all in to take you out on a date." He whispered to you as he leant down to kiss your lips again.

"After we get the apartment back...A-and get new locks and a security system." You whispered to him as you kissed his nose, he nodded at you. Leaning forward and leaving a gentle kiss on your lips.

"Deal," He whispered against you lips before kissing you deeply once again.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @fan-ati--c @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie @bisexualmess007 @innersooya @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @jin-from-the-block

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