#the holiday season sucks

[fellthemarvelous]

I hate the holidays so much. My depression is already bad, but the holiday season just amplifies it.

Thanksgiving 2020, my mom and I prepared a meal for me and her and my dad. We were still in the middle of COVID, she had been receiving chemo treatments since summer of that year, but she had stage 4 cancer so there was no cure. We laughed our way through preparations though because neither of us had actually ever cooked a turkey before.

I remember giving her a hug. We were talking about what we would do differently for Thanksgiving 2021 (like getting a Honey Baked Ham instead of a turkey), and then she told me she didn't think she would be around anymore by the time Thanksgiving rolled around again. I told her not to think like that. It was impossible for me to imagine a world without my mom in it.

A month later I had to take her to the ER because she was having trouble walking. She went into the hospital the day before Christmas Eve, and a month later I had to say goodbye to her. She never came home again.

My brother and sister flew out when she was admitted into the hospital, but it was still in the midst of COVID and we couldn't spend time with her. She was in triage for three days before they finally found a room for her in the ICU.

The cancer was in her lungs (she never smoked a day in her life), in her spine, and it was spreading like wildfire throughout her brain. There were two weeks where she was in the hospital and we didn't get to see her once because of how rampant COVID was (and the people who fucking refused to take the pandemic seriously).

They had to intubate her because she stopped breathing on her own, and then finally we learned that there was nothing else they could do for her, so she ended up in hospice.

Christmas and New Years was spent worrying about my mom and being upset because we couldn't sit with her in the hospital. My mom spent about two weeks in hospice after that, and I stayed with her as much as I possibly could.

She passed away on a night I was unable to stay, in the final days of January 2021. Exactly one month before my sister's birthday and just a little over a month before my 40th birthday. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't get to live long enough to see me reach 40.

My sister's kids didn't get to fly out to visit my mom because my sister, a single mom, wasn't able to afford plane tickets for all three of them. She couldn't even get the time off work to stay out here with us for a full 24 hours.

And now my sister's former mother-in-law has stage 4 cancer, so the kids are about to lose their only other grandmother to an aggressive form of cancer as well. It hasn't even been a week since we learned this information.

It was 19 degrees outside the day we had my mom's funeral, but this same woman stood next to me while we watched them lower my mom's casket into the ground, with her arms wrapped around me, to give me some small amount of comfort on one of the worst days of my life.

And she's been cursed with a fate just as cruel as my mom's.

I feel so small. I'm broke and jobless and feel like an entirely worthless human being because my depression and anxiety are so bad right now that I can't even function like a person is supposed to.

I'm months away from turning 43 and all I can think about is how much I really want my mom right now.

[bittersweet-mojo]

very much not a youtuber fanart person but the end of hermitcraft season 9 really got to me so here's ya boy grain.

[manasurge]

Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)

[reginamillls]

not feeling very good, cookies not turning out, I'm tired and idk maybe I shouldn't have taken off and gone to work today

[slothquisitor]

Oh look! A Manfred! My friends know me well.

Merry Christmas from this sloth ❤️

[somebluemelodies]

merry christmas, feliz natal, feliz navidad, joyeux noël, happy holidays, or just an overall good day to you if you're not for the celebration! the qsmp live gave me the kick of inspiration i needed, so here's a gift from me to you :> sending all the love to each and every one of you <3 missing all the sillies, whether we got the chance to meet them or not :'D also this is a smidge long sorry not sorry

He doesn't even realize he'd fallen asleep until he's suddenly once again aware of the warmth enveloping him from either side, a quiet rumble reverberating from the weight laying against his chest.

Cellbit's eyes open, but he doesn't bother to lift his head yet, only lifting a hand to start to try and wipe the sudden onslaught of sleep away as he takes in his surroundings.

The castle is dim as always, especially at night, but the shadows are less defined than usual with the tall fir tree several feet away in front of the couch, decorated with twinkling white string lights and a myriad of baubles, icicles, and garland.

(Of course, the kids had chosen one of the tallest trees they could find. Puppy eyes had been used to try and persuade acquisition of the tallest tree they'd found, but even the castle only had so much room in it.)

(The two parents won't admit how close they came to caving nevertheless. Especially Roier.)

The castle still smells like a festive concoction of chocolate, cinnamon, and other spices from their baking session that evening. A bit of a strange combination, but it makes the atmosphere warmer. Homey. Everything feels a little lighter.

Underneath the tree lies quite the assortment of presents; he can't help but be a little surprised that they managed to get them in place without disturbing the trio of hatchlings sleeping a few feet from them, practically sprawled on top of each other.

Wrangling them all - well, wrangling half of them, really - to sleep had been a bit of a hassle with all the excitement coursing through their veins at the prospect of tomorrow, but if there was something that Cellbit and Roier had become somewhat of experts in throughout their time on the island, it was wearing out wild hatchlings.

Because when those kids crashed, they crashed. And sure enough, as soon as they'd managed to settle them down, they were out like lights. Roier had had to drape a couple of blankets over them, because they insisted in staying on the floor.

(They'd been convinced they'd be able to stay awake! Ha!)

(They might've been handfuls sometimes, but they were cute ones.)

The only hatchling who wasn't in on the pile, Cellbit redirects his attention to, sprawled out against his chest, eyes hidden from sight by her mop of white hair.

Cellbit smiles to himself, carefully brushing some of her hair out of her face and fighting a chuckle as the rumbling purr grows louder. She'd been in the pile earlier, but ever the clingy one of her siblings...

(Ah, well, she's been Cellbit's shadow from the get-go; who is he to deny her of that?)

(And then he's purring. Goddamnit.)

"No mames, wey, I have two cats on top of me, eh?" Roier's voice, playful despite the fact he's clearly still half-asleep, reaches his ears. "Increíble."

Cellbit rolls his eyes, and without looking back, makes a half-hearted attempt to reach back and smack his husband. "Who invited you?"

Roier laughs, moving one arm wrapped around Cellbit to grab his hand with ease. "Es broma, es broma. Brincadeira."

The investigator finally cranes his neck to look at the spider-hybrid, carefully shifting to see him better without jostling the hatchling still atop his chest. When their eyes meet, Roier's smile grows, a mischievous glint to his dark eyes the dim light only enhances. "Kind of."

Cellbit shoots him a look, and he only laughs again. This time, though, the sound of his husband's laugh ever so contagious, watching the way his eyes crinkle fondly at the corners, he starts to smile, shaking his head amusedly. "Idiota."

Roier gasps. "Ay, you want to kiss me with that filthy mouth, gatinho? No fucking shot, man. Unbelievable."

Cellbit finally laughs, pulling his hand from Roier's to poke his cheek. "I don't see you complaining, guapito, no?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." The spider-hybrid moves his hand to Cellbit's face, tipping it up just enough more for him to tilt his own head down and connect their lips.

The cat-hybrid hums, both of them starting to smile into the kiss as their eyes close.

(If he tries hard enough, he can ignore the fact the purring has grown in volume yet again.)

(Damn his stupidly handsome husband and his idiotic charisma.)

When they finally pull apart moments later, Roier presses another quicker kiss to his lips before doing what Cellbit had done before, surveying the sleeping hatchling on top of them as well as the rest of the room. "I guess none of us could stay up."

Cellbit huffs amusedly, taking the opportunity to rest readjust his head against Roier's chest. "No Papai Noel for you, eh? And here I thought you were so excited to see him."

It's Roier's turn to smack him lightly and Cellbit's turn to laugh. "Ya, mi amor," the former chastises, but the fondness is practically dripping in his tone. His hand moves from Cellbit's face to nestle in his hair, scratching gently at the base of his right ear, and any response Cellbit has dissipates right on his tongue.

(Oh, motherfucker.)

(Roier clearly isn't ignoring it. Of course he isn't. Smug bastard.)

He melts deeper into Roier, eyes fluttering shut again as sleep once again prepares to consume him. He hears the spider-hybrid chuckle, but he doesn't have the capacity to retort anymore.

(If only he could see the warmth in those dark eyes. The painfully immense, sickly sweet fondness for the man he has the greatest pleasure of calling his husband.)

(God, how lucky are they?)

"Staying here tonight, eh?" Roier asks.

Cellbit hums in acknowledgement, nodding his head slightly. He feels Roier's other arm, which has been settled over both him and their sleeping daughter, shift, subconsciously securing. Roier hums as well, falling silent for another few moments before he speaks again, voice softer. "Cellbo?"

"Sim?" The investigator's eyes open, landing on the cuddle pile of conked-out hatchlings.

"Feliz Navidad, gatinho."

His eyes travel to the clock in the room, displaying past midnight. Perfect timing.

He smiles, feeling Roier's hand settled over his on their hatchling's back lace their fingers together. "Feliz Natal, guapito. Te amo."

There's a kiss pressed into the top of his messy hair. "Eu te amo."

Save for the dual set of gentle purring still rumbling into the room, it falls silent. Unconsciously, they melt deeper into each other, press closer together, but this time, they're both aware of the way they start to drift off.

(Mildly inconvenient spot be damned - God only knows they're probably about to be at least a little stiff in the morning - it made the kids happy, it made them happy, so who are they to complain about it?)

(As long as they're together, after all. That's all they'll ever need.)

[denebuladoesart]

It’s Tumblr but still….

Bro I work at Starbucks so we are busy…idk how much I will be able to draw but I want to post at least sketches to try to curb my perfectionism…and I swear I’ve drawn Ratau at least once!! lol enjoy.

[vamp-a-day]

day 67

@sparkvampweek day 7: Snowy day

ty so much for hosting this event, it was a lot of fun! absolute treat to see everyone else's works, too

[lasersheith]

So I haven't done a "family holiday" with my parents/brothers/their fams since 2017 I think, maybe 2018 and it used to really really bum me out like oh man this is so sad my parents don't accept me my brother's don't stand up for me I'm all alone etc etc sad boy times

But the last few years I've been doing holidays with my husband's (much smaller) family and it's been so peaceful and nice. I keep seeing people freaking out about how much it's going to suck spending all week with people they hate and I'm just over here chilling. I'm gonna hang out with my husband and his cousins and it's gonna be really fun and no one is going to say any slurs near or at me and I don't miss any of them even a little bit.

If anyone is looking for a sign to just not fucking deal with those bitches this year, here it is! You are allowed to lie and say you're sick or broke your leg or won a ski trip on a radio show or just text the group chat a middle finger and block all of them.

[bunnyboy-juice]

im shaky, im nauseous, but it is done

[fly-rye]

going to the mall of america during the holiday season is really not my idea of a good time, but that is where my company's holiday party is being held tomorrow. wish me luck because im going to need it

[aefensteorrra]

Going to Turkey soon and am quite (very) nervous because I have heat intolerance and every day it’s going to be at least 29 degrees with a uv index of 9 (which I have never experienced?? that can’t happen at this latitude). Everything I wear in summer is either linen or cotton so I know I’m okay on that front, I wear spf 50 every day in summer here anyway cause I’m ginger so will be very on top of that, got a hat, just have to buy a tonne of chewable electrolyte tablets… 🫡

[panterasnarl]

"Guess I'll go bother an old man with booze."

[orchidyoonkook]

Merry Christmas Eve to everyone who celebrates!

Happy Hanukah Eve to everyone who celebrates!

Joyous Wenesday Eve to everyone who celebrates!

Or Bah Humbug to all those who need it!

[ri-afan]

Me watching the boss take down the Help Wanted signs while knowing my coworker is going to resign in the morning:

[ashersbraincell]

Does Christmas music make you nostalgic in the sad way/generally bring up sad feelings in general?