#the hold this game has on my psyche rn

[droppedpears]

uncrisps your captain

[baurbiediv]

Hiii i saw you’re taking requests rn :)

Reade is in the family suit watching the game and suddenly doesnt feel good and coughs blood and then passes out. The other gf and wives (they love reader) trying to help. Maybe she has a cerebral hemorrhage and is rushed to the hospital. They cant get a hold of joey at first amd reader is scared and only sees him after surgery

sweet nothing

PAIRING ➔ joe burrow x gf!reader

WARNINGS ➔ mentions of blood, passing out, fainting & hospitalization (do not read if topic is sensitive to you! i am not forcing you to read this story!)

SYNOPSIS ➔ everything seems to not be going to well with y/n, what happens when joe can’t reach her?

A/N ➔ i had to change some stuff around (sorry anon!!!!) + if this is a triggering topic, please do not read for your own well-being! i also tried to do as much research as i could for this one, so please if there are any mistakes, do not hesitate to let me know!

-

usually you’d been excited for game days, except this time, it felt different.

you’d woke up that morning feeling incredibly groggy and exhausted, but you kept it pushing since you didn’t want make joe nervous.

it was the biggest game of the season, the AFC championship. joe had been pushing himself for this game and you were undoubtedly behind him for every single step.

you observed how hard he worked, even in the times he was so sore he could barely move, he wanted to be out there with his team and make them proud.

the clock read 8:45 am, just barely missing the alarm, you sat up and rubbed the slumber from your eyes and stretched.

looking back, joe, who was comfortably sleeping on his back and you watched the lazy sun just narrowly peeking through the blinds, hit his skin. getting up to get ready, you figured joe could use a little extra sleep so you let him sleep and left him to go to the bathroom.

usually when you got up in the morning, you weren’t sensitive to the lights at all really as they never affected you, but in that moment, you were oddly sensitive to them today.

carrying it with a grain of salt, you left the bathroom, the clock now reading 8:55 am, you approached the bed and ran a hand up and down joe’s back.

you laughed quietly seeing his face smushed into the pillow, before kissing his cheek, “wake up sleepyhead!” you whispered said as his eyes slowly opened.

a smile slowly etched onto his face, regularly he was a heavy sleeper, this time all it took was a kiss from you to wake him up, “good morning” he said, the rasp in voice very prominent.

you both smiled as you leaned back down and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

you’d never admit it but you loved his morning voice, although you were almost sure joe knew that.

-

normally you two had never been this late leaving the house, but your body was against you today. you couldn’t pin point what was going on, but you hoped that it would stop soon. nothing like this had ever happened before, so why now?

once you arrived at the stadium, you turned and looked at joe, “now, i know i say this before every game day, but you know i love you. don’t get into your head too much, joey. you’ll do great, i know you will.” you told him as he smiled above you.

“thank you my love, i’ll try not to psych myself out”, he said which made you furrow your eyebrows and look at him, “okay, okay, i was joking! but i got it. i love you.” he said before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead, you smiled and waved goodbye as he left to go practice.

you headed up to the family suite and were immediately met with the other wives and girlfriends of the other players, the first to approach you, was meggi.

you two had known each other for quite some time now and were excited to find out that your boyfriends would be playing on the same team.

you all sat down and caught up with each other, as if you didn’t do that any other day with them. time had passed by and eventually the game had begun and was already in its 2nd quarter.

but that wasn’t before you were hit with the most severe headache you’ve ever before felt something thick, trickling down your nose, blood.

kayla, who wasn’t standing too far from you, noticed you and she made her way towards you, “y/n, what’s going on?” she said, before grabbing a few napkins and helping you hold them towards your nose.

you shook your head as felt like you could barely speak, “i don’t know, one minute i’m perfectly fine, next thing i know my head is killing me and my nose is bleeding.”

you said before putting a hand on the back of your head, trying to relieve the pressure of the headache somehow. you thought you could physically feel your heart beating faster and directly out of your chest right now.

chassidy was helping you stand and at this point everyone was nervous, meggi & iris making calls down to medical assistance and even the team assistant in hopes for them to reach joe, but nothing was working and nobody was answering back.

-

the dimmed lights and cold air felt very foreign to you, somewhat uncomfortable, and making you unreasonably anxious.

the only thing that was even capable were the faint beeping of the monitors around you and the faint voices heard out in the hallway.

you did your best to make out the voices, but there was no luck. heading the door open, you slowly looked over seeing joe’s figure, you smiled, yet, his eyes were nearly bloodshot red and puffy.

you’d never been so confused as to why he was crying.

joe quickly hugged you, yet, he was careful. he wasn’t sure what was going on with the love of his life, he didn’t want to hurt her more than she already was.

“hi my love.” he said as you quickly hugged him back, that feeling of love coming back to you.

“hi joey, did you win the game?” you said, clearly oblivious to the major traumatic event that occurred.

joe softly pulled away from you allowing you to rest, he laughed tenderly as he wiped the few tears from his eyes that seemingly escaped without him noticing, “yes y/n we won.” he said, which made you slightly cheer.

“so what happened?” you asked him, he sighed before he looked down, “you had a cerebral hemorrhage y/n,” you started to remember everything from that entire morning. from the groggy feeling and the sensitivity, to the splitting headache, and finally the nose bleed.

“the doctors don’t know how it happened, they checked family history, they found nothing.” he said, you softly grabbed his hand, “i’m okay now though joey.” you smiled, he nodded in agreement.

“but i’m watching you with my every move y/n, you got that?” he said pointing to you, making a ridiculous face,

“yes sir burrow!” you said laughing.

-

sorry ab the shit ending 🙍🏽‍♀️

[teopatra]

💙 Happy Blue Moon🌕 💙

💙🌕💙🌕💙💙💙🌕🌕🌕🌕💙💙💙🌕💙🌕💙

Posts like these you don’t sea 👁️ often .. maybe once every blue moon 🧿👄🧿

🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️🪩♓️

Todays pick a pile messages are songs since Pisces energy and full moons are likened to mermaids whom are know for being sirens 🚨 🧜🏽‍♀️ 🧜‍♂️

Message 1:

During the full moon transit you’ll feel like there is a stillness in their air. Kind of like when the ocean gets eerily calm before a storm. A peaceful terror. You could feel the urge to be by yourself more or hermit in your own energy; it will befit you to turn off your devices and just listen to the sounds around you and your mind. The best thing you can utilize your phone for right now is noting your synchronicities and your feelings. If you notice people being distant don’t take it personally, but pay attention to how that makes you feel and the conversations people have with you especially your tone. Others you know are facing introspection and are delving into the deepest parts of their psyche. The intensity of repressed emotions may be too much for most to handle. I noticed my social media page engagements are lower than normal today, it reminds me of a ghost town with nothing but tumble weeds lol that’s the energy of this Pisces full moon. Work with quartz crystals, protect your immune system and indulge in a warm bath, shower, or foot soak since Pisces rules the feet.

Message 2:

At this time you will experience MORE lucid dreams. Pay attention to the people in your dreams and what these particular people may say to you in your dreams. It’s one thing to be lucid in the dream state but it’s another to wake up with dream amnesia. Why is that? Bc something in your waking life is not aligned with your higher self meaning you could indulging in bad habits like not getting enough rest and over saturating your third eye with too much media. You’re prob a creative person or a water sign so you should be clearing your mind. Create something that is visually stimulating for you to aid in your create process and ease/unload the mind; mercury rx is cashing a lot of mental tension rn. A salt bath, a foot soak with pink Himalayan salt or you may need to gargle with salt water to unblock throat chakra blockages. Try sleeping next to grounding crystals and dream enhancing crystals like blue apatite. Also don’t sleep directly next to your phone, turn TV’s, mirrors, phones, tablets, and other types of black mirrors away from your bed if you can. If not try covering them with a towel or something light. Work on protecting your aura and strengthening your auric field

Message 3:

Worrying about an ex at this time is unhealthy for you. As much as you may think this person will change it’s not up to you to focus on them, pour into yourself wholeheartedly and you’ll see where your shadow work needs to be done and why you feel the need to give to someone who probably doesn’t have your best interest at this time. I see a lot of people from your past being nostalgic over you, but that is none of your concern anymore. Turn from the past and be open to all possibilities ( this is the mantra for piscerian energy). Your destiny is waiting for you, but you are holding on to your karmic energy. The moon has met up with Saturn as he’s been transiting Pisces since the beginning of the year, so challenge yourself to let go of the things that aren’t serving you and you know what they are. Also everyone seems to be on edge so it’s best to just be quiet stay out the way and mind your business until mercury retrograde blows over. If you’ve been overindulging in tarot stop, OR you may notice that tarot isn’t resonating with you lately like it used to. Try intuitive games to improve your own cartomancy or tarot skills if you’re into that

Message 4:

I see you have done a lot of shadow work over the years and it has caused you to feel a bit isolated at times and that’s because others have not done ENOUGH self development therefore you are not resonating with most people. You are supposed to soar and it may feel lonely at the top but know that you are an example of Christ consciousness to those around you. you are a beacon of light that illuminates a path behind you. You are not a flash light searching for dark spots. Reward yourself for how far you’ve come and don’t stop because this is how you will romanize your life turning fantasies into reality. The full moon wants you to relax and to plan ahead so you can have a more fulfilled day. Pisces is a mutable sign meaning ever changing , therefore this energy can be a bit sporadic. Which isn’t always bad, BUT I see time can easily evade you if your daily intentions aren’t set properly. You’ll see what I mean if you haven’t already. I see you thinking back on this post weeks later like ohhhh now I get it. 🤭 also eat some more vegetables, try making more home cooked meals bc it’ll be therapeutic .

Message 5:

Please be mindful that with most people in their late 20’s experiencing their Saturn returns with the moon currently in the same sign as Saturn may force you to observe people change for the better or for worse. It all depends on one’s karma and the work they’ve chosen to do or lack thereof. With the sun being n Virgo and Virgo being the sign of the hermit, the change of season will cause you and others to recluse and maybe even become lethargic. For example during this time of year most people go back to school, and as the older generation phases out and retires, the old “students” are the new teachers. I see a lot of millennials changing the dynamics of school systems compared to how we experienced it growing up. You are the future, help your inner child and inner teenager even if you’re an adult by connecting with those younger than you. If YOU are a teenager pay attention to those in their mid to late twenties. A lot of times we think our lives are going to go certain ways and end up something completely diff. Just know that if you’re aspiring to do something that may not need a traditional education don’t waste your money going to school for something you don’t even really wanna do or you’re doing it for just the money or to satisfy family. Find the moon tonight and do some moon gazing , stare at her and let your mind wonder off; your higher self will handle the rest.

Message 6:

People want to know what you’re up to 👀 I see you have a magnetic energy like the moon. People stare at you like they do the moon, for some reason I see you’re a walking personification of a mirrored portal. You are a conduit of the higher dimensions, you see a person but they see you as a hypnotic metronome. Just like the effect the full moon has on mythological creatures like mermaids and werewolves, I’m seeing you know you had some time of power of psychic gift but you’ll begin to resonate with being other worldly as your gifts play out in front of you. Pisces energy is about illusions and for some reason you create an optical illusion that doesn’t play tricks on peoples eyes but their minds 😵‍💫 THIS message will only resonate with a small few but please comment if you experience any weird nuisances. With great power comes great responsibilities, be careful not to put people in trances at the wrong time, don’t stare at people back if they stare at you but if it’s a lover stare and you’ll both take an astral trip. Please move in silence at this time and work on grounding. Going into hermit mode will benefit you and please don’t get distracted by lust bc I see that being the side effect of this heightened power rn like a hungry vampire. Also stop trying to be captain sage a h*e and realize how earthly you’ve been, lighten your aura in weight.

🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌝🌖🌗🌘🌜

🩻This is your time to illuminate the truth deep within you bc you already hold the answers you seek.. there’s no research to be done at this time because you have spent the time and effort. Now you are reaping the rewards

[windupaidoneus]

cuz my options for emet coming back right. lets walk through them.

hildegarde brings him back of his own volition via some enhanced form of the necromancy he learnt back when he was trying to bring haurche back. ill be real i dont like this one. i want hilde to have some moral ambiguity even now of course but going back to necromancy just isnt something i want for him, or if he does it it has to be under stronger circumstances than just "i want the love of my soul's life back". it just wouldnt feel worth the trouble to him anymore, its something hes put behind him even if there's a romantic aspect to going against your principles for love

emet comes back willingly out of love. this one is pretty nice & also pretty romantic. i love romantic! but um. i dont know that he would. while i personally out of game disagree with the writers killing off all the ascians presumably in part with the mindset of death as salvation, as atonement, as absolution because the ascians will not stop until they die (i get it they're tempered but like. idk i just think it's too easy to each time put them in circumstances where death is the only way out for them. as much as all those scenes hit really good emotionally (well ok not laha & igeyorhm's. or nabriales'. but that's another problem) & that makes them good tragedies, killing off all your big bad evil antagonists is just... not that interesting.. to me... sorry.) i believe this is something that would be in emet's line of thinking especially with his whole shtick of knowingly acting as the main antagonist in the wol's story. the villain dies at the end. he says this stuff about how history is written by the victors but if you know my thoughts on emet then you know i believe he was planning his own death all along whether consciously or not, thus placing himself as the villain within the 'play' they're all taking a part in. i believe he bears unspoken guilt for his actions (maybe not all of them but. i cannot get into the psyche of this man too deep rn i woke up an hour ago & this paragraph is already entirely too long) but it was all in service of a cause he did genuinely believe in thus the guilt is not worth examining in life - that & guilt would not change anything, no matter how bad he could possibly feel about it it won't undo anything so it's better to just bury it & not acknowledge it. all this to say death would work as atonement for him, in his mind, & so i find it unlikely he would willingly, properly come back to living

emet's soul latches onto one of the remaining solus clones when hilde goes in babil in post edw. i do not remember when it is said but there is mention of souls lingering even after death if they have something to hold onto, which is how you get ghosts (& logically how you'd be able to like. summon hyth & emet in ultima thule, among other things). in the context of hildemet of course emet has something to hold onto, it's that fuckass homo with the horns. not necessarily conscious & his soul latching would absolutley not be a conscious decision, it would just... happen. because of the proximity so yeah the most likely scenario is definitely the last one. taking into account who they are as people. yeah. that was my post hope u liked it

[applejuiz]

I'm here to say hold me like water, hold me like a knife is severely underrated and genuinely one of my fav fics rn!!!!!!!

the most recent chapter and some other tidbits made me have a small thought, does the small animal flight response in her make it so when startled, she doesn't breath? to not make any noise, so nothing can hear her and gives her the silence to hear what's around her? in those jumpy moment and freshly awakened from nightmares does she ever forget to breath? does she need to be reminded?

On a different note because I would love to hear the thoughts of the lovely author, is there any signs of ptsd in keyleth that you haven't had a chance to sneak into the fic yet but have been wanting to? (ofc do not have to answer if this spoilery<3)

Oh man, thank you so much!!!! 💖💕💖💕💖 I’m really so proud and excited of how this fic is coming along. It was one of those big ideas I had in the back of my head for so long and never thought I’d write and now it’s going in so many fun directions I didn’t expect. I’m really really glad people are enjoying it.

In terms of the flight response, I can totally picture Keyleth going completely silent and holding her breath in a stressful situation, turning to pure threat assessment before someone else notices and pulls her back, at least some of the time she feels scared. Something that’s been really interesting for me to think about Keyleth’s wild shape. It can turn her into a predator like Minxie but also turn her into a prey animal, so I feel like, as strong as she is, there’s a part of both in her at all times. I see her fear response being on the thinnest hairpin trigger where she has to decide in an instant if she’s going to be predator or prey (and I’m really excited to explore how emotional things also trigger that survival response in her even more in upcoming chapters).

And as far as Keyleth’s ptsd, I think something that’s going to be coming up soon is how little she’s allowing anyone else to help her. One of the biggest differences about being in the Shadowfell was that she was totally alone for weeks so I think she likely forgets that the others can help her, both with her emotional struggles and anything else. I haven’t written much about fights since I have no clue how I would translate game mechanics to prose, but I imagine that Keyleth definitely wild shapes more and doesn’t use her support spells as much as she used to because she sometimes genuinely forgets the rest of the party is there. She definitely gets thrown off anytime someone sends a healing spell her way.

(Also a much smaller physical thing that hasn’t really come up but that I think about a lot: Keyleth’s hair is probably still not doing great, very dried out and brittle after being tangled for so long. It’s so low on the priority list for her it barely registers, but Vax has been slowly working on improving the situation with various soaps and oils and his careful attention when they get the chance.)

Thank you for the ask! And honestly feel free to ask me anything about this fic or anything else ever, I had to fight not to respond with a ten page dissertation on Keyleth’s psyche both in this fic and in canon

[surely-galena]

Hey Galena!

Much much much much thoughts on your status quo post so imma drop this all in an ask and not discord because.... well, no reason.

//cn spoilers

You are so right something is shifting right now bc in current main story the nxx is drifting apart and the boys are pushing Rosa away and frankly, all around sussiness (i haven't read it, i've only read my friend freaking out about it)

For main 5 traitor route, disregarding Vyn's status as sussy, I actually see Marius and Artem as traitor more because they have more at stake here. It's just 1) so interesting to see them!! Traitors!! and 2) I want to see what would happen that Marius can't manipulate out of a situation and turn traitor for some reason or even better, what would happen to cause Artem to become a traitor.

What's more interesting than Kiki though: If Darius has some important information we don't know about.

YES. JEROME. 5TH LI ROUTE. JEROMEEEEEEE (thank you for the shoutout). Jerome 5th LI makes so much sense, man's got a whole illustration dedicated to him, a whole new outfit, lore, hotness, and he's the black hair LI we need in ToT and the only reason Marius enemies to lovers route isn't real is because they had to save it for Jerome (coping)

If Zangr was right all along though, it could be interesting for Hoyo to put a bit of horror into it. What if this point gets explored in the "mls figured out Rosa was being controlled by some unknown entity... ". For instance... Us. The player. The manipulator. The puppeteer dragging Rosa around on the string.

I once had an idea with Rosa time looping except she was consciously aware of it and sets out to change her fate. (Context: she died episode 6 with the air tank thing) I never completed it :'D but the idea is she finds herself time looping over and over again whenever she dies and slowly unites NXX and tries to prevent repeating prior mistakes

OH MY I DIDN'T READ YOUR POINT 6 WHEN I WROTE POINT 1 BUT YES YES YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT

Alternatively, what if we're not hearing all of her thoughts? We think we know Rosa pretty well because of what we read about her, but what if that's just a small peek into her psyche, enough for us to think we know her, when in reality we know nothing about her?

I love outsider POV stories. It's always so interesting to see something major - for instance, a time travel story - but everyone else's POV is shown except the time traveler's. Also I think Baldr is a joke because well, Rosa POV and we always beat her. But it'd be so interesting to see everything from a Baldr POV and show that they aren't the losers we see them as. Maybe we get a Baldr POV story and we find out they have deep ties with Heirson, NXX, and holds a lot more power than we thought. Then we head back to NXX POV and we're freaked out about what we've learned... that the team doesn't know. (I am playing a game rn where we go through the story from our team's POV, then after the chapter is completed, we unlock a shorter Hidden Story for that chapter, where we get backstory & depyh on the events of the chapter we just played, all from an outsider POV. Devs have used this to break my heart with antagonist lore several times hfjksahjkfs - did we literally just beat up the antagonist only to get smacked in the face with her backstory and find out that the place we fought her at is her home and she's never going to be able to return again? Yes. - and while I love Anomaly THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING. For instance, we get a look into Pedro's psyche and guilt as he sabotages Grandpa Vern, someone he once thought of - and possibly still thinks of! - as a grandparent or his acceptance of his fate after, with a "I deserve this" mindset.)

I don't know if the story will have a happy ending - it really depends on if the prologue is also the actual ending with Luke, Artem, and Marius gone and Vyn being the only one remaining. Which would make me cry so hard but at the same time... what happened?

Oh gosh Rose I'm sorry answering this took so long!

1. Is that so about the main story? That's an interesting turn because they were never that close in the first place, it was only because of MC + Nosta + other team events that they started to grow closer. So for them to grow apart again might be an interesting development. It is, however, mildly funny for them to push MC away because although it's most likely for her safety, it also sounds like they want her out of the picture because she does the team building, she brings them together -- and they don't have to function as a cooperative group if she's not around!!

2. I agree that Artem would be an interesting option because of how connected his character is to the law. To have him resort to perhaps more underhanded tactics, perhaps for Neil, would be an interesting twist.

3. Yeah, that's fair about Darius! The NXX would barely be able to make the important arrests without him, so to have Darius not entirely on their side would definitely change things up.

4. Jerome has a lot of potential for an enemies-to-lovers route, so if canon doesn't do it, I'm sure fanon will eventually come up with something XD

5. Ahh, referencing / talking to the player! That one is fun, too, although the developers would have to be careful because you don't want to attack the player or make it so abrupt that you rip the player from their immersion.

8. Exactly! It would be such a twist if we weren't hearing all of MC's thoughts. It would be the unreliable narrator all over again and it would dramatically change the way we saw MC.

9. That's a really great concept, actually. I like the Anomaly levels, too, but having Outsider POV or side stories would really flesh out the world of Stellis so that it feels more like an actual place where people live and struggle and work. I think it's great that the NPCs aren't entirely discarded (e.g. MC running into them in certain events), but it would also be very cool to hear from their perspective.

10. I like to think there would at least be a hopeful ending, because that seems to be a recurring theme in the game. I hear hyv does have a pattern for tragic stories, however, so while everything might not be completely okay in the end, I think the main cast will have to be in a relatively stable place. This sort of links back to the otome aspect -- because there aren't multiple endings, that means there's only one true ending per love interest, and as such, they would all need to be okay so they can live happily with MC in their respective routes. The prologue being the ending would be very interesting for the circular effect, though!

Thanks for discussing this with me! Again, I apologize that this took me so long to get to!

[hiraganasakura]

I'm playing a Pokémon Platinum Nuzlocke and I just reached Victory Road. And I have a lot of thoughts

When I first beat Pokémon Platinum, when I was probably like 12 or smth, I remember that I stayed up late to play knowing I was so close to reaching Victory Road. "Just a minute longer," I had told myself as I fought sleep, "I just need to get to Victory Road." And when I got there, and I heard Pokémon League (Night), I just couldn't help but just... freeze. And listen

It was the first time I had ever appreciated a song from a game so deeply. It moved me, calmed me, in a way no video game soundtrack ever had until that point

So tonight I recreated that. After getting thru the route leading up to Victory Road, I made sure to set my DS aside until I could lie in bed tonight and climb up the waterfall. And now I'm here listening to that lovely song again. But after all I've been thru on this Nuzlocke, it... hits different. In a good way

This is my first Nuzlocke. Well, not my *first* first, but the first I've ever truly intended on seeing through to the end. I've dabbled in Nuzlockes before, but I would always get either too bored or too stressed, or some weird contradictory mix of both

This one almost met the same fate, quite a few months ago. I lost two Pokémon to my first battle against Jupiter, and another shortly before, due to preventable mistakes I made out of panic. And leading up to Fantina, I was terrified. I knew she and her Mismagius had the potential to be total run-killers, and I was afraid. It took a couple months just to psyche myself up for the fight

But I prepared, and I did it anyway — and I won. Completely deathless!

And that was my moment where I realized I could do this, that this wasn't so bad, that it should be fun instead of scary. And realizing that was very freeing. Suddenly I was having more fun with this playthrough than I had with Pokémon in general in quite a long time. I've made my way thru the rest of the game and eventually ended up here

And it's so awesome! After all the tough losses, the great triumphs, the Pokémon I've caught and befriended along the way, the ups and downs and in-betweens, it feels almost surreal to know I'm this close to the end. And honestly? Idk if I want it to end yet. Not when I'm having this much fun

Not to mention how much I love the team I have rn, how I've found sm joy and excitement in using Pokémon I wouldn't think to before, and all my memories in this journey with them

Heatstroke, the Infernape, my starter who's been with me all this time. I never liked the Chimchar line before; no reason, just never felt drawn to it. But I picked Heatstroke for a utilitarian reason, knowing he'd be my best bet on getting me thru this, and I don't have a single regret in doing so. I still chuckle to myself remembering how my strategy for Candice was to give Heatstroke Choice Specs and let him go haywire with Flamethrower (with some additional help from the late Morninstar the Scizor)

Hurricane, the Gyarados, the powerhouse sea serpent whose sheer force has brought down anyone in his path. I keep fearing he'll fall to the Water-Type Curse (I have three dead Water types) but he's surprised me with how well he's holding on. He's the Pokémon who's carried me across the seas upon his back and I feel grateful I got to have such a strong Water-type on my side

Summer, the Roserade, who's a random Shiny I found just outside of Floraroma. I used the Shiny clause to catch her and use her on my team, and she's been quite a valuable asset. Her Stun Spore helps me capture my newest encounters, and her Toxic Spikes are great for setup. She's not often one to carry fights in her own, but she supports the rest of her team, and I can't think of a Grass-type 'Mon I'd prefer

Diamant, the Rampardos, the newest addition to the team, but nonetheless a valuable one with his heavy hitting physical attacks and his physical bulk. While he's yet to get much of an individual time to shine, due to having been added to the team right before my ascent to Spear Pillar, I'm excited to see how he may fare against the tough battles to come

Matrix, the Rotom, who's consistently surprised me with their bulk and power all throughout my adventures with them. I found out the Secret Key could only be accessed thru a limited time event and it bothered me. Why lock a gimmick Pokémon gimmick, its whole reason for existing, behind a time limit? So full disclosure, I kinda cheated it in out of pure spite. I didn't think it'd be a big deal, seeing as it didn't change Rotom's type or stats until later gens. But Matrix ended up carrying me thru two gyms and helped greatly during a third. Uh, oops?

And Venom, the Gliscor, whose surprising inability to learn Fly has been outweighed by her sheer strength, speed, and tenacity. She just got me thru Volkner's gym with ease, and has been a mainstay on the team for quite some time, even helping out against Maylene, so I'm glad she's got some time in the spotlight. I went from feeling pretty neutral towards Gliscor but liking its design, to now feeling that it's among my favorite Pokémon. Venom is absolutely awesome!

All of these Pokémon have carried me thru this journey, and that's not even mentioning the Pokémon who have retired to the Box, or died valiantly in battle. And now, suddenly, I'm here at the end. And as bittersweet as it is, I'm determined to see this thru. I will complete this challenge!

I'm gonna mop the floor with Sinnoh's Elite Four. Then I have some more casual playthrough's I'd like to complete. But after that?

Honestly, I think I'm gonna start another Nuzlocke

[hiemaldesirae]

okay no you know what. the csm brainrot is getting to me so im gonna detail out the character parallels of makima and vox (<- probably misused those words but i dont fucking care im going insane). warning this will make sense to like a total of one person (myself) so. yeah

warning there are spoilers for csm arc1 so if u wanna read that..... tread carefully. theyre at the very end tho

makimas character arc through the entirety of csm is about control. yes shes based off of mommy issues the concept yes she is basically acting as denjis mother but this isnt the core of her identity. her identity is the fact that she is something inhuman that had never learnt to be human and thus channels this outwardly through exerting control to maintain the "familial" relationships she keeps

voxs character is basically the opposite of this. hes a sinner demon, a human become inhuman (and him more than most, even, because not only has he had his humanity stripped from him but hes also a Machine.) stripped of humanity, stripped of flesh, he should, if he were normal, hypothetically view this and his new situation as a monstrosity and a way that control had been taken away from him. and maybe he did at first, but he learns to take over this loss of control in his life. unlike makima who takes the hand she is dealt and follows through with it, vox has had his hand swapped and in the end, not only manages to win the game but double his earnings

i think a lot about the manipulation that goes on in csm. its not supposed to be psychological horror but a lot of what happens in part one honestly reads as psychological horror to me, even before the worst of the worst happens. vox and makimas own brands of sociopathy mirror each other as male & female psyches mirror each other: (only through what we have been shown so far) vox manipulates through force and intimidation, makima manipulates through the veneer of kindness and motherly companionship. the difference between them is what separates voxs character as being more comedic despite being equally competent: because with vox its something we dont think we'd fall for as easily while with makima, many of us would easily bend to her whims given half a chance

(unrelated but this is why i like to change voxs gender around so much. both keeping her brand of manipulation as being more aggressive AND exploring a version where she would be softer and kinder and thus even more effective with her manipulation is just. such a good concept to me. especially if shes also struggling with gender identity (get that tv some estrogen RN) also i like seeing my wife in dresses so)

i do also think the way they interact with others is interesting. makima holds everyone at arms length- even and perhaps especially her fellow horsemen. on the other hand vox, an overlord in hell of all places, who should definitely not be the way he is, keeps close relationships and even old flames close to his heart: we see this w the vees and even his obsession with alastor

i just think the way makima got cannibalized by her idol (well. no, thats not right but its really too complicated to properly explain) was a close parallel to vox and al. i fully believe he'd let himself get cannibalized by alastor and that he'd also go the elaborate ass makima style manipulation plot on al if he could. unfortunately alastor is NOT denji and he is very much significantly worse of a person than vox is so. er

also. cult leaders. this i dont think i have to really explain

i want to see vox in makimas black dress with a gut halo above his head is this so much to ask for

AND THE SCENE WHERE SHE EXECUTES QUANXI. or the one where she kills power. i need to see makivox pleasepleadepleasepleas

all of this is sponsored by me thinking makima and voxs eyes look similar

train ride

[heathneycanon]

reasons why phobia factor fucking slaps

ok this lowkey just turned into me rambling abt phobia factor while i rewatched it. putting it under a read more bc it’s super long lmao

like, the entire first five minutes are the campers being friendly to each other?? and vulnerable, to a degree??? you know i love that shit

courtney and trent?? talk to each other?? like. okay they’re never in the same frame together unfortunately, but they do have like, two whole back and forth conversations.

also in that campfire scene at the beginning, cody and trent are sitting next to each other and there are some. good screencaps

“exSQUEEZE me?!” like cody. ur such a dork omfg

duncan vulnerability hours

lindsay asks what a standee is and trent explains it and doesn’t mock her/isn’t annoyed with her at all, in contrast to a lot of the other campers interacting with lindsay. i love them as friends SO much u all have no idea

harold’s little scene with the ninjas. i love him sm. why does he have nunchucks with him when he goes to the bathroom??

leshawna is afraid of spiders and she runs away screaming from. chef wearing a spider suit??? like i don’t love spiders but if a man i knew wearing a spider costume was calmly walking toward me i wouldn’t react the same way as i would to a real spider. anyway i think this is hilarious.

season one heather vulnerability hours.....

i mean, i really wish they’d actually shown her talking abt her fear at the campfire, rather than just having it told by gwen in the confessional, but i get why they did that. regardless that one scene right before the sumo wrestler charges at her where she’s literally shaking.... i want to give her a hug

side note i hope the sumo wrestler is okay he hit his head quite a few times

ok so. trent accidentally leaving gwen buried underground because he’s getting chased by a mime isn’t like. a sweet gwent moment. but it is one of their interactions that i remember most vividly from tdi lmfao

what is a cute gwent moment is trent like. kneeling next to her while chris is burying her. and the face he makes at chris when he jokes abt not digging her up..... i love them sm

also gwen sounds so fucking dramatic when they close the box she’s in like. “goodbye cruel world” gwen ur being buried for 5 minutes ur not dying sdfjlafskj i love her

duncan hyping dj up before he picks up the snake is so cute?? like he’s clapping for him and he’s got what i call “adorable duncan face” which is where his eyes are full circles and he’s smiling. i can remember him making this face at courtney, dj, and alejandro throughout the series and it’s just. ugh loving soft duncan hours

“ah! it blinked” “it means she likes you” sadie where are u getting this information

okay so i googled if this was true and the result i got was “snakes can’t blink” so first of all i have no clue where sadie pulled that fact from and i have even less of an idea of where chris got that fucking. blinking snake from. is that even a snake??

when dj picks up the snake and they all hype him up?????? i love the killer bass so much it’s unreal

more cute gwent moments... gwen and trent talking on the walkie talkies.. they’re so cute

when the mime pops up behind trent and he does that little scream.... it’s loving trent hours u guys

trent is so bothered by a mime literally just. being a mime. me too trent. me too.

duncan and the celine dion music store standee.... everything abt that scene

"DUDE SHE’S MADE OF CARDBOARD” tyler i love you

courtney genuinely saying that it’s okay if he can’t do it (when she was being harsh to dj about the snake earlier..... duncney is so good in tdi u guys)

and then theY HOLD HANDS GUYSSSS IM SOFT FOR THEM

and THAT is what gives duncan the encouragement he needs to go for it?? they’re so good.

his “okay, okay” right before going for it... duncan’s voice acting is so good in this episode omfg

THE MUSIC THAT PLAYS WHEN HE HUGS THE STANDEE AND THEN EVERYONE CHEERING ITS SUCH A GOOD SCENE

THE DUNCNEY HUG

“duncan, you’re awesome!” and the look of shock on his face at both the fact that he did it and that courtney’s hugging him...... have i mentioned i love duncney yet?? bc i do

i can’t believe i used to dislike duncney omfg

then when courtney realizes that she’s hugging him and steps back jafksdfjlsa she’s so cute

and then the rest of the bass come over and hype duncan up more like. i love how supportive they all are in this episode!!

trent is so excited when he finally gets the mime to leave him alone fakjldjfl like he didn’t have to ROAST the dude. but he did.

chris somehow owns a remote control hail cloud?

lindsay getting excited about the “baby cloud” and calling it over?? she’s so cute omfg

trent fucking. hates geoff. gwent has geoffphobia in tdi ig

when they dig up gwen and she throws the walkie talkie at his head but he doesn’t stop smiling..... your honor i love them

owen and izzy getting out of the plane and kissing the ground together..... adorable.

cody with a fucking. watermelon on his head and covered in trash scares bridgette out of the woods. that will never not be funny to me

THAT ONE FUCKING SCENE. WHERE SADIE AND LINDSAY HYPE EACH OTHER UP. THAT MAY BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES IN THE ENTIRE SERIES. I LOVE THEM SM

the only bad thing abt this ep- tyler should have gotten the fucking point. he completed the challenge. i love courtney, but realistically, she should have gone home this ep and tyler should have stayed.

bridgette hyping tyler up...... im soft they should be friends

“quit being such a girl” courtney im sorry but the only reason you’re still in the game rn is because ezekiel made sexist comments in episode one. what are u saying lmfao

tyler and heather’s reactions to their fears rly make me think. bc like. most of the other campers have a more outward, loud reaction, maybe scream and run away. a couple are just a little wigged out. gwen gets a little snippy and is clearly super freaked out as well. but tyler and heather just. completely shut down. like, curled up in a ball, nonverbal, and shaking. makes u think.

why did cody need a calculator to figure out that the score was 7/3....... cody is canon lgbt+ bc he can’t do basic math without a calculator confirmed

also regardless of how little sense that made. at least that screencap gave us commie cody

when gwen starts trying to psych courtney out and heather like. gasps and looks shocked..... i like to think that heather feels a little bad for courtney here. heathney real.

duncan and bridgette hyping courtney up..... i love the killer bass so much omfg

courtney looks so sad when she walks away from the jelly.......

and then in the confessional right after?? she’s like. crying a little bit :( and she’s beating herself up abt it like..... :( courtney no

LITERALLY she’s like “how could i be so weak” “i deserve to go home” “you’re pathetic” (to herself) and then tells herself to show some confidence and then. she just starts crying again. and then slaps herself?? GOD I FUCKING LOVE COURTNEY SHE’S SO HARD ON HERSELF

owen just. hangin out in the tub of jelly. i love u, u wild dude. fuckin sit in that green jelly. loving owen hours

the little look that courtney and tyler give each other when they’re the last two without marshmallows..... half solidarity half “i don’t want to be the one going home”. i love them sm :(

i KNOW i said this earlier but. tyler should NOT have gone home this episode!!!!!! only bad thing abt this ep

all the fuckin chicken puns are a little bit funny tho

“he won’t be flying high tonight” bridgette chickens can’t fly

when courtney goes “okay, that’s enough” like. tyler’s not even there at this point but she’s defending him. maybe it’s because she still feels she should have gone home instead? maybe it’s because of that little bit of solidarity she felt for him when they were the final two without a marshmallow? maybe i’m reading too much into this? but idk. i think it’s sweet

okay no i have another complaint. what the fuck was the whole boat ride for tyler?? like when sadie gets eliminated the surprise she gets is that katie is on the boat. when tyler is on the boat, CRYING, after literally none of his teammates came to see him off, after he LITERALLY COMPLETED THE CHALLENGE BUT DIDN’T GET CREDIT FOR IT. the fucking. CHICKENS POP OUT?????? tyler deserved better

also some of the challenges were a lot easier, or at the very least, harder to fail than others this ep. i love it but come on. lindsay and sadie vs like. gwen vs owen and izzy vs dj. there were very different time limits, actual fright level, ability to back out once they were doing the challenge.... not a fair challenge

also uhm. if we’re being technical tyler and heather had the exact same reaction to their fears, so why did heather get a point and tyler didn’t? if the chicken had run at him, would he have won? smh

i do love this episode so much but. i had a couple complaints

okay finally lindsay’s little confessional to tyler where she blows him a kiss.... they’re so adorable lyler rights!!

[swordmaid]

Super unpopular opinion in the gen fandom but Brienne as forever the Starks’ sidekick is so unappetizing. I don’t mind her official knighthood as long as it goes into how she reforms the system or the Starks respect her as an older sister/advisor. Whenever I read fics where Jaime dies & leaves her loveless so she guards the Starks is depressing to me? Like ‘oh, you loved the wrong man so you have to make it up to dedicating your whole life to the right family’ or ‘she’s loyal (ie dumb) muscle.

Yes, she is Duncan’s heir parallel but it is not a 1:1 comparison. She is his foil too. The characters’ genders, ages, and social statuses play a huge role in their arcs, personalities, and experiences. To have them end in the same place is just ??? Besides, Tarth’s place as an invasion means she will probably be thrust into a leadership role. Honestly, the only other worse ending is if she ends up with Hyle like a bad romcom written by a Nice Guy Incel whose inspiration came from a wet dream.

Also the Baratheon’s are dying, no one is officially in charge of it, the siege of Storm’s End is ongoing, Aegon’s forces are sweeping the area, Greyscale. Besides Davos, Brienne is the most significant POV from the Stormlands most likely to survive. Yes, she’ll probably find kinship & respect in the North. However, I’ve a hard time believing a woman who fears not being a good heir & is dutiful & compassionate even to people who were cruel to her would just abandon the place she grew up.

The Stormlands, like the Riverlands, are going to need strong and moral leadership when all of this is done, especially if Edric Storm is named Lord Paramount since he is just a kid and a bastard at that. Brienne, who has first hand experience with suffering and commits acts of small and large compassion, would be needed.

Same anon who ranted about Brienne, glad you liked my take! Wanted to add that if Brienne becomes a knight, I want her to lead reforms to take away knighthood from people who exploit it and focus it more on community engagement, knights other women, etc. while the show’s knighting scene is excellently acted, I feel :/ for it as a capstone for her arc because I feel like there are many plots that can come from and they just go oops, she’s Kingsguard now. Let’s not explain why she wants to!

Let’s not explore what it means to be a woman in a corrupt and toxically masculine field in such a visible job title! Let’s not explore the challenges of holding others accountable and how to stay ethical and not jaded/numb in a difficult job field. Let’s not explore how it will impact other women to see a female knight! Let’s make a knight and move on, people! We got CGI dragons and world’s most dull conclusion to film.

my reply is under the cut because this is already so long, but YASSSSSSS GO OFF!!!

I always and will forever express it--- i hate brienne as a sworn sword to the Starks. Gonna even go FURTHER to say that she’s not even MEANT to be a sworn sword. The fact that the two people she has sworn under died--and even if it’s out of her control--i think that’s going to have a play in her stance about this whole thing. I’ve said it before again, I don’t care about her getting knighting all too much as well because acquiring the title of the knight/ser isn’t what’s important--it’s her being recognized as one. we know, from the various of knights in the series, that having the title of ‘ser’ doesn’t mean shit when none of them uphold the values. we also know that hedge knights has a reputation of them being beggars with swords, and they’re usually frowned at. brienne achieving that recognition that she is a true knight without actually having the title of ‘ser’ herself would be important to her character imo because her character has been heavily and constantly judged by crowd perception throughout the series. even if she has the title of ‘ser’ who would believe it? if say, hyle knights her or jaime knights her, would other characters in the series believe that she actually has that title or would they think she’s just fucking around? achieving that crowd recognition--having that perception from the small folk etc. would mean so much more since it actually shows that you don’t need to be a ‘knight’ to be seen as a true knight, since all it boils down to is if you uphold the values or not (which she already does). though it would be nice to have, brienne doesn’t really need the title of a knight since she’s already one. she just needs to be recognised as one because so far, jaime, pod (maybe hyle?) is the only one who recognises her as one. (i would argue the lil kids in the orphan inn too)

I love the idea of her mentoring Edric Storm actually. Personally, I love entertaining the idea that Brienne doesn’t serve under anyone anymore, rather, she serves the small folk. her ‘political power’ comes from the influence that she garners from the people in the realm. and as you know with ice and fire, the opinions of the smallfolk & bannerman ACTUALLY matters like it’s not just a game between the great houses, and i think brienne will bring some relevancy to that. But in a scenario where she becomes an advisor for Edric Storm as some sort, I can definitely see her wanting to focus on the safety of their people first and foremost.

My mind is going off on a tangent rn but I don’t see her ruling over a land as well actually. I think a lot of factors will definitely come to play + it would depend on how this would end, but I don’t think Brienne would rule in some way. This is just mostly because I see so much ‘hero’ and ‘legend’ motifs peppered in her POV that if the series ends and she lives, the ending that I see her having is EITHER she’s gonna settle down with jaime somewhere OR she’s gonna go off with pod and continue to help and protect people ala dunk and egg. I’ve never seen her as a character who would rule; I don’t think she has any political agenda, but obviously that can be changed and I can be convinced otherwise but currently that’s where my mind is rn. 

And I don’t want to think about the show’s knighting and Brienne being in the Kingsguard honestly dfkgdjg I refuse to have the show occupying my psyche like, no thanks!!! All I’m going to say that if brienne’s path leads to that in the books I’m gonna hunt down germ’s cabin in the woods 

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 4964

Summary: Simon is on a blind date, but there’s this guy who keeps catching his attention. Based on “I’m going to save you from this bad date” request from @krisrix and “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” by Arctic Monkeys.

Read on AO3

AN: Hello, I am back after a reluctant prolonged absence. My health has been in the shitter. Bad headaches, little sleep, and low energy all suck. This is M rated to be safe but there isn’t really anything explicit, just implied sex and a lot of horniness lol. Hopefully you all like it :D (Edit for Tumblr: something fucked up and deleted the read more break. I'm on my phone rn but I'll fix it when I get home. Sorry!)

———————————————

Simon

“This is a terrible idea,” I say again.

“It is not,” Penny replies, plucking lint off my shirt. “My friend says she’s really sweet and you two might get along.”

“And that matters because…?”

“Because you can’t stay cooped up at home. Time for you to go out and meet the world.” I blow air between my lips. “Don’t do your horse impression in front of her.”

I narrow my eyes. “Is setting me up on a blind date a way to vicariously fix your romantic life by fixing mine?”

“No, Mr. I Took One Psych Course.” I keep glaring at her. Penny’s shoulders fall slightly. “Okay, maybe. But I also think you two might be a good fit. So at least give it a shot, alright?”

I sigh heavily, shoving my hands in my pockets. “One drink.”

She grins brightly. “Awesome. I’ll be waiting back at the flat. Don’t stay too late.”

“I won’t. Bye, Pen.” 

“Bye, Si.” She presses a kiss to my cheek then walks off smiling. 

The second she’s out of sight, I slump forward with a groan. I don’t think she heard the resignation in my voice. Honestly, I really don’t want to do this. But I’m doing this for Penny, because she’s sad and I love her.

Ever since Micah broke up with her (arsehole), Penny has put the excess energy she used to waste on him into other things, including me. Guess if she can’t have a partner, she wants me to have one. Sure, I wouldn’t mind being with someone, it just hasn’t been a priority between uni and my mental health. Both are still not really great. I should be studying or something, but Pen says one night away won’t kill my GPA. She’s rarely ever wrong, hope she isn’t now. Hope this isn’t a total disaster…

I walk up to the nightclub door. It’s neon purple with a burly man at the entrance. I gulp down the lump in my throat. God, why am I so nervous? It’s just a date. This won’t kill me. I can do this. I won’t burst into flames no matter how much it feels like I will any fucking moment.

The burly man looks at me, the weirdo just standing six feet away from the door. “You going in or what, kid?”

I nod furiously. “Yeah, yeah, I am.”

He holds out his hand. “Fifteen pounds, please.”

My eyes bug out. I expect him to start laughing, but he stays stone faced. “Fifteen bloody quid?! Are you kidding me?!”

“Nope. Pay up or leave.”

I growl and pull out my wallet. I slap the bills in his hand. “Fucking rip off.”

“I don’t make the rules, mate.” He puts the money in his back pocket and lifts the black velvet rope. “Welcome to Club Violet.”

“Thanks,” I grumble. Fifteen fucking quid. What am I, the Queen?

Club Violet absolutely lives up to its name. The whole place is different shades of glowing purple. It’s like if Queen Victoria opened a royal dance club. People shake and jump in a huge sweaty clump on the main dance floor while techno pop blares around us. It’s actually a pretty good song. Wish it wasn’t so loud though. There’s metal stairs with a chrome railing leading to the upper level. I check my texts again. Okay, so she’ll be at the upper bar, wearing a shiny pink dress. Cool, cool, I can find her.

I push through some giggling dancers and a couple snogging against the wall to get to the stairs. The top level is less crowded, mostly just people talking with their heads very close together. They’re smiling, giggling, kissing. They look happy. My heart aches a bit. Huh, I actually miss that, more than I thought than I did. This might not be such a bad idea.

The bar is nestled at the back of the floor. Bartenders in posh black shirts and vests shake those silver shakers I’ve seen in Bond movies. And at the front of the bar, stirring a margarita is a blonde woman in a bright pink, sparkly dress. Okay, deep breath, you can do this.

I walk towards her, head held high. I stand next to her. She has a pretty face and golden brown eyes. Let’s hope this goes well.

“Uh, hi,” I say with only a little nervous hitch. “Agatha, right?”

She turns her head. Her mouth pulls up slightly. Not a smile, but almost, I guess. “Yeah. And you’re Simon?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

We stand in awkward silence for awhile. My body and mouth feel utterly paralyzed with unsureness. She seems just as confused. Guess it’s been a very long time for both of us. I stumble forward onto a cushy violet stool.

“You wanna drink?” I ask.

Agatha holds up her barely empty margarita. “I think I’ll finish this one first, thank you.”

My cheeks heat up. I hope they’re not visible under the lowlight. “Uh, y-yeah, makes sense. I guess I’ll get one just for me then…” 

I wave at the bartender. They walk over with an extremely fake customer service smile. “How may I help you?”

“Can I get a…um…” I look at the drinks menu. It’s filled with weird punny names with liquors I don’t know. It makes my head hurt. I slap the menu down on the counter. “Pint of Guinness, please?”

“Sure, coming up,” they say and walk off. 

I turn to Agatha with a sheepish smile. “I like to keep things simple.”

“I can see that.” She takes a sip of her margarita. Her lipstick is a nice shade of soft pink. She has good taste in makeup at least.

“So, um, Pen mentioned you were in third year at University of London. What program are you doing?”

“Veterinary medicine at the royal college.”

“Oh wow, that’s cool. You wanna be a vet?”

She nods, swirling the drink in her hand. A small smile plays on her mouth for the first time. “Yeah. I hope to take care of horses.”

A small shiver runs down my spine. “Wow, um…sounds interesting.”

Her head tilts to the side in confusion. “Something wrong?”

“No, no. It sounds amazing. I just don’t have a good history with horses.” Her eyebrows pull together. “A police horse nearly trampled me when I was seven. Been a bit jittery around them ever since.”

Agatha nods thoughtfully. “Hm, I see. You probably did something to provoke the horse though, they don’t hurt people for no reason.”

My cheeks heat up, but from embarrassment unfortunately. “Oh…you’d know better than me I guess…”

Agatha takes a long sip of her drink in lieu of words. My pint of Guinness arrives on time. I take two big gulps, reveling in the distracting burn. I try to look literally anywhere else. There’s a neon purple flower on the wall. I see three people dancing together, smiling and laughing. I’m not usually a fan of dancing but they look like they’re having fun. I spot on a presumed couple sipping on the same fancy cocktail together. My eyes flick to Agatha. She’s staring straight ahead, totally uninterested in me. So y gaze keeps drifting, until it meets someone else’s. And I nearly choke on my beer.

Holy fucking shit, he’s staring at me. A gorgeous guy with reddish-gold skin, wavy black hair, and piercing grey eyes is looking right at me with a devilish smirk on his lips. He’s wearing  very fitting black skinny jeans and a short sleeved dark shirt. Well, technically he’s wearing a shirt, but it’s unbuttoned all the way to his navel so I don’t know if it counts. His beautiful eyes wander over me again and again, smirk slowly growing. Why is he staring at me? What the hell makes me so interesting? Is it getting hotter in here?

“Simon?”

I snapped back to reality from the deep sea grey induced daze. “What?”

Agatha’s brow is all pulled together. I can’t tell if it’s out of confusion or concern. “Are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, I-I’m fine.” I take another drink of my beer. “So, what else do you like?”

Agatha shrugs and goes back to looking at her drink. “I play lacrosse.”

“Yeah? Is that fun?”

“It is, until someone shoves you to the ground.”

I let out a small laugh. Agatha does the same, but quickly goes back to stirring her drink with a neutral expression. “What do you do? For fun, that is.”

“Um, some stuff…” I scratch my chin. This is harder than I thought. “I like gaming, fencing, baking, watching Dr. Who. That’s pretty much it.”

“Baking sounds fun.”

“Yeah it is!” I turn towards her with the brightest grin. “I’m learning this new technique for making scones. It makes a much lighter pastry, but it’s hard to get the same flavour, y’know? I’m trying to figure out how to compensate for that. I’ve been trying fresh ingredients, pure oils, lots of stuff. But really-”

I stop when I realise Agatha is looking at me with utter confusion. Right, not everyone understands baking science, or wants to know. I turn away from her and drink down the rest of my beer. It won’t help though. First year uni gave me quite a tolerance. I stare at the empty glass, swishing around the last bits of foam.

“So, how’s school going?” That’s a safe question, right?

“Oh it’s going fine.” Agatha replies. “There’s actually this one class I’m taking.”

She starts talking about her animal biology class. I try to listen, I really do, but my attention span is notoriously short. My eyes drift, and soon fall on raven hair.

The man isn’t staring at me anymore. He’s looking off to the side. I tilt my head slightly to the side. He’s talking to someone, a red haired man with a sly smile. They’re giggling and whispering together. My stomach feels weird. Must’ve had something bad for lunch. My eyes drag over him more carefully this time. He’s quite thin. Wait, no, not thin, lean. There’s strong muscles in his calves and upper arms, and his stomach looks very tight. I wonder how he got those. Football maybe? I could see that. Him running across the field at lightspeed, stealing the ball easily with his strong legs, flying across the field with ruthless grace. Part of me just really wants to see how he moves.

My eyes move back, only to meet Gorgeous Guy’s. Oh fuck, he’s looking right at me again. I can feel myself blush as I go rigid. His mouth pulls into that smirk again. It fits too perfectly on his sharp face, like he was designed to look so cocky and beautiful at the same time. My face feels so fucking hot right now. Damn clubs, no air conditioning.

“And that’s why you have to be very careful when treating young horses.” I refocus back on Agatha’s voice. She’s looking at me, gesturing with one and stirring the margarita with the other. I nod thoughtfully like I’m not an arsehole and I’ve been paying attention this whole time.

“That’s really cool, yeah,” I say. “You’re really into this stuff.”

“Of course, it’s my future career.”

My cheeks go redder. Between Agatha and Gorgeous Guy, I’m pretty much a tomato by now. “R-Right, course.”

We stare at each other. The awkwardness is so thick you could slice it in half. God, why am I so much worse at this than normal? My normal is pretty shit so that’s a real feat. There’s no flow or spark. I don’t think this is working at all. But I don’t know how to leave without being a total dickhead. What could I even say?  “Sorry but I don’t find you interesting enough to keep talking to you, I have to go.” ’ Instead I’m silent as a statue and more awkward than a fourteen year old at a school dance.

Agatha is drinking down the last of her margherita. I look pointedly away from her. And my eyes happen drift back to the guy. He’s still with the ginger bloke. It’s hard to tell if they’re talking or dancing. Maybe it’s both. Gorgeous Guy’s thin lips are moving slowly. His hips are swaying slightly, the curves of his body showing well through the tight jeans. I’m  fixated by the way he moves. It’s seamless and graceful yet so strong. He looks good dancing, even just a little. I wonder how he’d look if he was truly moving to the beat, swaying his lean body with purpose. He’s not looking at me this time. I kinda wish he would, honestly.

“I’m going to the toilet,” Agatha announces. She’s out of her seat and walking away before I can get a word out. Alright then.

I look at my glass, rolling the remaining foam back and forth. My mind is being way too chaotic for me to think straight, so I’m trying not to think at all. I just watch the white bubbles, back and forth, back and forth, just like that guy’s hips. I wonder-

“Hello,” a smooth voice says to my right. “How are you?”

I turn my head and nearly choke on my own tongue. It’s him. Gorgeous Guy. He’s standing right there, leaning against the bar with his hip cocked out, looking at me with that smirk and dazzling eyes. And I’m completely frozen.

“H-Hi,” I finally get out. “I’m, uh, fine. H-How are you?”

“I’m alright. May I ask you something?”

“Um, sure.”

“Are you on a date with the woman who just left?”

I scratch at my wrist, looking to the side in the vain hope he doesn’t see my blush. “Uh, sort of, I guess.”

The guy raises an eyebrow without moving any other part of his face. It’s very impressive. “Usually that’s a yes or no question.”

“Yeah, I know,” I chuckle awkwardly. “We’re supposed to be on a blind date, but I don’t think it’s going well.”

“Hm, yes, I assumed that when you kept staring at me over her shoulder.”

As if I wasn’t a tomato face before. I think my flush has reached the bottom of my neck. My mouth opens and closes like a stranded fish. His smirk only becomes more smug, and I find it so annoyingly attractive.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I’m sorry, that was rude a-and objectifying and I-”

“Did I say I disliked it? Remember, I made eyes at you first.” All the blood in my body rushes straight to my face. Gorgeous Guy leans closer. His long fingertips are nearly touching mine. “My name is Baz. What’s yours?”

“Simon.”

“Simon,” he echoes in his much,  much  sexier voice. “That’s a very pretty name.”

“T-Thanks. Your name is nice too.”

“Thank you.” Baz’s head tilts further to the side, showing off his long, graceful neck. “So, if your date is not going well, would you mind if I wanted to whisk you away from here?”

My eyes go wide and my heart starts beating double time. I’m not sure if it’s from the fear or the thrill of the idea. Do I really want that? When I look at Baz, all of him, I do. But could I do that to Agatha? Just because I’m not attracted to her doesn’t mean I should ditch her.

“Um, I-I do,” I say, “but I gotta go do something first. Wait here, please? I promise I’ll be back in a minute.”

Baz blinks rapidly. He looks like a very confused deer in the headlights.“Alright…”

With only a little fear, I reach forward and put my hand over his. He inhales sharply, and I swear, even in the lowlight, I see a blush on his face. “I just need to tell her I’m cutting the date short. I don’t wanna be a total arsehole. One minute and I’m all yours, I promise.”

That smirk comes back, but there’s something softer in his eyes. Less dagger like, more a pretty cloud on an overcast day. “Alright. One minute, I’ll hold you to that.”

I grin brightly. “Awesome.”

I squeeze his hand, and surprisingly, he squeezes back. I take one last look at him before dashing off like a madman.

I’m very lucky that in a dark club like this, the toilet signs have to be very bright to see. The woman’s toilet is on the far left of the upper deck. Not too far, but there’s a crowd of people between me and my destination. I push through the other night club goers, some wobbling, most swearing at me. Unfortunately I can’t explain to them that I need to tell my blind date that our date has to end so I can go hang out with an incredibly handsome man who for some reason is attracted to me. I’m not sure I could explain this to anyone and sound sane. I don’t care. Baz is waiting for me back at the bar. I’ll push through every one of these people to get back to him.

When I reach the toilet, I immediately spot a pink dress near the wall. Agatha is bent over her phone, blue light illuminating her pensive face. She’s typing really fast. I speed walk like a bloody madman.

“Agatha!” I call out. Her head snaps up.

“Oh, Simon,” she says, sounding far more shocked than I thought she would be.

“Hey, hey, sorry for barging up. Just, uh, we need to talk.”

“Okay…”

I scratch the back of my neck like some awkward teenager. “Um, look, I’m sorry I’m being an arsehole. You’re nice and very pretty, but I don’t think this date is working out. We’re just not…clicking, I guess. Which sucks but it’s alright. I-I just hope we can still be friends…”

Agatha blinks a few times at me. I wait for her to storm off or yell or something. Instead, she just smiles softly and nods. “Alright, yeah. I agree. I don’t think we’re a good fit as a couple.”

All of the tension drains from my body. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I think you’re nice too, but it’s not going to work out. Maybe friends could better.”

“Yeah, yeah definitely. Wanna get coffee sometime? As friends?”

“I’d like that.” Her phone buzzes. She looks down and sighs. “I have to go. My friend Minty is here to pick me up.”

“Oh, okay.” The gears start turning in my head, and my eyebrows pull together. “Wait, were you just going to leave?”

Agatha looks down, probably to hide the embarrassed expression on her face. “Honestly, yeah. I didn’t want to make things awkward. I’m not good at saying goodbye to people…”

I’ll admit, it hurts a bit. But I also get it. I hated saying anything as a kid, especially something awkward. And I don’t think it’s my place to berate her right now. I nod slowly. “Alright. Well, hope you have a good rest of your night.”

“You too.” She goes towards the stairs. One step down though, she looks over her shoulder with a little smile on her lips. “Have fun with that bloke. He looks cute.”

Before I can answer, she’s off down the staircase. My face is going to get stuck blushing this much. After only a moment of shock though, I dash back in the direction of the bar. I’ve never been more nervous than I have been speed walking back there. But when I see Baz, with his hips against the bar, fiddling with his phone, I sigh in utter relief.

I take a deep breath, trying to hide just how out of breath and eager I am. Be cool, Simon, be cool. I walk towards with what I hope is a badass swaggering walk. Bloody hell, I hope I don’t look stupid. I really hope I don’t fuck this up.

“Hey,” I say, “I’m back.”

Baz’s head snaps up. I like the way his hair falls in a lazy wave, like a waterfall made from raven wings. (That poetry book Penny got me for Christmas has really expanded my metaphors, wow.) That softer, nicer smirk comes back. I love it more than the arrogant one, actually.

“One minute and thirty eight seconds,” he replies in a playful tone. “You’re late.”

I chuckle and rub my neck. “Sorry. There’s a lot of people here.”

“I’m aware. I’ve been looking through them all night.” His fingertips touch mine, sending jolts up my entire arm. “Until you caught my eye like no else did.”

“Really?” My heart rate is going nuts. It’s not arrogant, well, not totally. Everyone’s a little vain, after all.

“Mhm.” His hand moves slowly up my arm, stopping just above my wrist. “Blue eyes, bronze curls, tawny skin with constellations of freckles and moles. You were like the sun in this dark nightclub. How could I not be entranced?”

“O-oh.” All words have fled my tongue. Baz’s sweet voice and words have melted my brain into pure mush.

Baz’s hand moves further. His thumb traces tiny, wonderful circles on my upper forearm. He’s got these slight calluses that I can’t get enough of. “You have no idea how much I wanted to come up and talk to you right away.”

I pout slightly. “Why didn’t you?”

He chuckles and shakes his head. I like the way his hair moves. “Because you were  with someone, Simon. I didn’t notice her until after you started talking to her again. I wasn’t going to be that arse who stole someone’s date.”

“And yet you offered to whisk me away a few minutes ago.”

“Well,” he sighs, tracing patterns lazily on the inside of my elbow, “I tried to ignore you, I really did, but my eyes kept drifting to you. I didn’t think your date was going well but I still wasn’t going to intrude. I distracted myself instead.”

I frown deeply. “That redhead bloke.”

“Yes, Lamb. He approached me but I welcomed him.” His face becomes sly and devilish. The expression is eerily, like his face was made for scheming. “Were you jealous?”

I gulp down a large lump in my throat, unintentionally biting down on my bottom lip. From the way Baz watches my mouth I think he likes it quite a bit. “Maybe a little…”

“Mm, good to know.” Baz tilts his head, showing off that damn neck again. Is he doing that on purpose? “I’ll admit I was jealous. I desperately wished to be in your date’s place. When I glanced over a few times, I saw things may not have been going well. So when she left…”

“You jumped at the chance?”

“Precisely.”

I grin ear to ear. It’s strange to think I’d be so wanted by someone that they’d wait to talk to me, but I don’t  dislike it. Especially when they’re as pretty as Baz. I move forward this time, touching his forearm. His hands may be rough, but the rest of his skin is impossibly soft.

“I’m glad you did,” I say quietly. “I’m glad I got to meet you.”

Baz smiles too. It’s not arrogant, but genuinely happy and bright. “Me too. I thought you were gorgeous, but now I also know that you’re the kind of guy to make sure he says goodbye to his blind date, even when it didn’t work out. Who knew the gorgeous man would turn out to be kind too?”

Once  again, I am lost for words. I mean, what do you say to that? Glad you noticed? Arrogant. You too? Weird. Thank you? I guess, still feels awkward. It seems me gaping mouth is good enough for Baz, because he’s still smiling. He brings up his other hand and traces his rough thumb on my chin, just under my bottom lip. Dear Lord, I really want him to move it a little bit up.

“So I’m wondering,” he drawls, “if you would be so kind as to do something for me.”

“What?” I almost say  “anything,” but that’s just a little too desperate.

“Would you please follow me downstairs? Because ever since I saw you, I’ve thought about how lovely you would look on the dance floor.”

Is my brain dribbling out my ears? Because it bloody well feels like it. Baz’s skin may be cold but he’s burning me to a crisp. And I really don’t mind. 

“I-I can’t dance,” I whisper. I want him to know what a mess he’s getting into when he’s with me.

“No matter.” His thumb actually touches my lip. A harsh, beautiful shudder moves through my spine. “I bet you’ll still look gorgeous.” He tugs on my wrist with his other hand. “Shall we?”

All I can do is nod. Baz grins devilishly. He slowly weaves our fingers together one by one. Every touch threatens to make me burst into flames. “Then let’s go.”

Baz pulls me forward, and I happily trail behind him. We zig zag through all the sweaty people and soar down the spiral stairs. There’s some sort of techno remix of an eighties song. The singer keeps singing about a girl named Rio. (Weird name, but I don’t think I can talk much considering my last name is Snow.) Baz pulls us deep into the throng of dancing people. He finds us a small space in the middle of all of it. At first I think it’s too small, but when Baz presses almost his entire body against me, I quickly get the point. He puts his arms around my waist. I’m completely frozen.

“I still don’t know how to dance,” I shout in his ear.

Baz leans forward. His hot breath caresses my skin. “Put your arms on my shoulders, then follow me. It’s really easy. You just have to sway.”

I gulp and nod. I place my hands on his shoulders. They’re a bit boney but very nice. Baz slowly starts moving side to side. His hips move absolutely beautifully. He has perfect rhythm. He slowly sways to the thumping bass of the song while holding onto me tight, pressing us together so close. I can feel every part of him against every part of me. My eyes are glued to my hands on his shoulders. I’m pretty sure my entire fucking body is blushing now.

“You can move too,” Baz says. “Just follow me.”

I nod, even though I’m still unsure. I look down at his hips (holy fuck he’s hot) and try to copy him. Slowly, I move side to side, following him as best I can. I’m not as smooth and graceful as him of course. Baz helps, silently guiding me with his hands. We start moving in near perfect sync. And it feels absolutely amazing. Holy shit, is this grinding? I’ve never done it before, so if this is it, it’s bloody great.

My chest feels tight and breath is short, but in a good way. The fear and nerves are fading bit by bit. Slowly, I finally look away from my hand. I look at Baz’s face, and god, why haven’t I been looking at him the whole time? He looks even more gorgeous. The strobe lights perfectly illuminate the deep angles of his face. His hair falls in his face in a beautiful lazy wave. His eyes are absolutely dazzling, and they’re completely focused on me. He looks so good, somehow even better than before. My gaze flicks down to Baz’s lips. They’re hanging slightly open. The violet lights catch on them again and again. I can’t stop looking, and I don’t really want to.

I look up again, meeting Baz’s beautiful eyes. He’s looking down as well at  my mouth. God, I want him to be thinking the same thing I am. My arms quickly wrap around his neck, fingers pressing into his soft skin. Baz inhales sharply. For a second I worry he’s going to shove me away. But instead, I feel him pull my waist even closer, fingers digging into my back through my t-shirt. Our faces are inches apart, moving closer without us even realising it. My nose touches his, just barely. We’re breathing the same air. Maybe, just maybe…. Oh, fuck it.

I lean forward and press my mouth to Baz’s.

It takes less than a second for Baz to kiss me back. There’s zero pretense or nervousness. We move our lips fervently, mutual desire completely obvious. Baz sticks his tongue down my throat at the same time I tug harshly on his hair. Thank god the music is too loud for anyone to hear our groans. He bites down on my bottom lip and I feel like I’m fucking melting and exploding and dying. I kiss him like it’s a fight, and he doesn’t give an inch. We match so well. It’s perfect.  He’s perfect. God, I’m drowning in him, but I don’t want to come up for air.

Baz eventually, sadly, pulls away. He keeps his face close to mine. I study all the different colours in his eyes. I could do that forever.

“Want to get out of here?” he says. “I think I’d like to see you somewhere other than the dance floor now.”

I nod immediately. “Yeah, definitely, let’s go.”

Baz grins. It’s a mix between devilish charm and genuine giddy excitement. He grabs my hand, then we push through the throngs of people even faster than before. I can’t stop grinning for even a second.

We hop in a cab heading towards Canary Wharf. Baz takes me up to his flat, pins me down on his king sized bed, and proves once again that he is incredible with his hips. 

All in all, a fantastic night.

———————————————

AN: Needless to say, a spring in Baz’s mattress breaks. Hope you liked it! Simon was a bit of an ass, yeah, but imo so is Agatha. In my mind they meet up later and talk properly without pressure to date awkwardness and they become really good friends. In the end they’re both happy. I liked writing this because I love the prompt and I love the song. Arctic Monkeys fucking rule. Hopefully my next fic will be out soon. Have a good day!

[evaunit-00]

ok so turns out big brother is on at 9 tonight and not 5 minutes after i wrote this

adding this in the beginning after i wrote all of this but im just prefacing this with jacob isnt home rn and my phone been dry af lately as they say so im just saying words

anyways. im stuck in a place rn where i feel like i have no time to do anything i enjoy , but when i do have the like physical time to spend doing things i like . i sit on my fucking goddamn phone and think “man i should be doing something else rn this is making my brain feel bad” and then just dont 😭 and its like this has been going on since long before this job and this living situation but its just like amplified now and it causes me so much distress but like bro!!! just put the phone down and do ANYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will say since deleting every social media except tumblr its been so so much better and tumblr doomscrolling i feel like is something my brain does need daily, like my job is so so mentally and physically draining like i cant turn off unless im in the bathroom or kids are sleeping. which. once again. i do love! it makes work not drag on and on and on like the days just keep moving along

ok i hit the pen and now im just rambling and rambling but i dont journal anymore so this is feeling awesome

so. i really love my job for the like daily routine of it (except its not even that routine bc im in different rooms all the time i never truly know what my day will hold but i like that aspect too? audhd everybody), and i love feeling like im doing something thats not only helping me become a better person but also helping these kids become better people!!!!! but boy it is hard stuff and i dont think im built for it longterm like i kind of need to quit 😭

oh my connection to my job and scrolling tumblr is that i do value time to just turn my brain off everyday and with tumblr i am really good about managing how long that time is!

anyways back to rambling abojt my jobbb!!

i told myself im staying for a year so im freaking sticking to that at the very least! i dont even remember what i was talking about weed is so awesome !!!!! that brings me to another point actually

I need to get my ass to a fucking psych dude …….ive been saying this to myself for *checks watch* 8 years. Like i got a random spurt of confidence in scheduling appointments in 2021 and got diagnosed with adhd officially and then that was it for like . Ever 😭 i have a long long list of disorders that i know i have and the literal only thing ive ever briefly spoken to my dr about is adhd and anxiety 😭 idk how to segue this im not a writer man

this paragraph is the start of my point. i just need to talk about this i like literally have PMDD and its so ridiculous because . every month on the fucking dot. i get randomly so fucking depressed like so horribly depressed . for a few days. and i KNOW its only for a few days once i realize im in it and it always is only just a few days but oh my god is it the worst thing !!!!!!!! until i smoke weed about it 😎 then im just hving fun !!!!!!! i do self medicate with weed and usually its awesome but of course sometimes it backfires but thats just the game i play baby

if u actually read this thats hilarious to me i think me even posting this is the funniest bit ever except its not a bit except it is because im awesome

dumb rant

having this problem where I genuinely love my job and actually find purpose in what i do like peace and love i am literally shaping the future and lives of children like its fucking awesome and swagged out but also holy fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!! i am dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it also doesnt help that i live 40 minutes away from my work (and fucking everything else in the world its actually making me rot from the inside but thats a problem for another post) but i spend every night after work sitting and staring at my phone or loterally a fucking wall or HOOY SHIT BIG BROTHER IS ON TONIGHT I FORGOT OHHHH MY GOD NEVERMIND EVERYTHING IS FINE LIFE HAS MEANING ILL COME BACK TO THIS WHEN I DONT HAVE A STUPID THING TO LOOK FORWARD TOO AND AM EXISTENTIALLY SAD AGAIN !!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #261

“i hate you for every time you ever bled for me.”

If you have a job, how long is your shift? I'm unemployed. Do you ever wear your hair in a pony tail? It's too short for that. What language did you take up in high school? Latin for one semester, then I took four of German. Do you like sunflowers? It's illegal to live in the South and not lmao. Have you ever held hands with someone in a car? Yeah. Would you rather be called honey or baby? Hunny. What is your favorite card game? Even though I never learned it super well, I used to enjoy Magic: The Gathering and have actually been like dying to play it for months lmao. How many emails were you sent today? None. What was your favorite Christmas gift you got last year? Well I mostly got money life chose I didn't get to use, lol. I honestly don't really remember anything else prominently... sounds bad, but yeah, so is my memory lmao. What have you thought up yet for this year’s list? Well it's only April, but a treadmill or something like that is at the top right now. Do you have any embarrassing usernames? Ha ha, none that I still use. Do you have a backpack in a shape of an animal? No, but I almost got a meerkat one. But it was too small. :'( Have you ever waxed your legs? OW no. My hair is too long and thick. Have you ever taught a little kid to flick people off? lol wow no. Have you ever itched yourself until your skin was raw? I do that remarkably easy, especially on my legs. I literally have long scars from it. Do you always clear your history after using the computer? No. Have you ever had your food stolen by a bird? Ha ha nah. Are you responsible for stuffing someone's stocking? No. Do you make your own smoothies or juices? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? I absolutely hate raisins. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? It greatly depends on a lot of things: the person's health, financial position, etc. Have you ever watched Bob's Burgers? A couple times. It was pretty funny if I remember correctly. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? UUUUGGGGGHHHHH leather. I've wanted one since middle school. ;_; Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No. I honestly didn't pass notes, but I find it mean as FUCK when teachers do this. Privacy is a goddamn thing that should be respected. I do not support passing notes in class, like you're there to learn, but having it shared in front of all your peers is not the fucking answer. I get heated about this shit. What's your favorite perfume that you own? I only own one that's called "Blush" from rue 21. It smells really nice, though. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? No. I'd rather clean something that isn't already. Do you have an older brother? Yes. What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? Lol I'd probably say "mood," but it depends on our relationship of course. Like there're times to be humorous and light-hearted about it and other times when you don't make it about you. If they're clearly more sad and especially if I don't know them well, I'd say something like "I understand," because I can almost guarantee I do about this. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Have you ever been to jail? No, I'm a good noodle. :) Are your collarbones prominent? No. ;_; You can see them, yeah, but they're not like very obvious. It's one of my biggest motivators to lose weight though because I am dyinnnnggg for dermals there, but I think it would look weird without that contrast. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? When I was a kiddo. Ugly things. Do you own anything tribal print? No. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? I'm not even very interested in beauty, yet I love Jeffree Star??? Nikkie is cool too. I've found I watch more for personalities than content, in all genres of vids. Do you like Skittles? More like LOVE. Do you have a PillowPet? No. If you do, what kind of PillowPet do you have? N/A Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank the fuck to god no. That shit sounds absolutely terrifying. Is there anyone at home right now you wish wasn't? No. Do you like Placebo? Tbh I can't think of one song by them rn. I know I've heard them, Mom's even got a CD I'm sure I've tried out long ago when I got into her music, but obviously nothing stood out well enough, at least back then. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? As a kid, yeah, usually my dad. Could you happily date someone prettier than you? Yes???? Do you know anyone with cancer? Both my mom and grandmother right now. Are you easily offended? No. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? HI we've always been poor so no. Not just that, but they knew better than to spoil us. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have. Do you watch My Strange Addiction? No. How attracted are you to the last person that kissed you? A bit above moderately ig. Have you ever known a white supremacist? HUNNY I live in the South. In regards to who do you think "what if?" Jason as a fucking whole is my absolute "what if." Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yes, even though I enjoy like almost no food at most of them. Doesn't stop it from smelling good. Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? I can't even imagine someone calling me that, no. I'm the polar opposite. How much money do you spend in a month on clothes or accessories? None in the average month. What was the last clothing item you wore that doesn't belong to you? A pair of Mom's pants. I didn't have any clean pairs. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Got no interest in sporting anything relating to a boring-ass, bigoted, racist state. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? WOW A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah, I do. I mean yeah, they're fake, but what horror movie isn't even though it claims it is, honestly. How do you like your oatmeal? Apples & cinnamon with a bit of sugar. Does it make you feel better when an ex starts dating someone unattractive? No. Appearance doesn't mean shit when it comes to what the heart wants. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a sandwich w/ grape jam. Do you fall in infatuation easily? Infatuation, I'm not sure. Who has initiated most of your first kisses? Considering almost all previous relationships, usually me as they all knew I needed to go slow. I'd only do it if I was aware they'd wanted to kiss already, though. Do you like bows? Omg yes, cute shit. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yes. Jason first went to college to be a chef. Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? Probably words when you consider I'm slow with physically doing that, but I'm honestly really affectionate either way when I'm comfortable with you. Do you like Cheez-Its? VERY MUCH SO omg keep them away from me. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. How do you feel about instrumental music? I have to be in the mood for it. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? I still don't know to this day what it was, but I THINK it was a star exploding. Scared me, man. Seeing the big lunar eclipse last year was also wicked cool. Do you know how to use chopsticks? HA, I never could. Not with my tremors. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine's Day when it goes on sale? No, I don't need chocolate. Do you think bunnies are cute? I would fight God to give a lop-eared bunny one (1) pet. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I've had a friend get something published in a magazine before, and during one stay at the psych hospital, I met a published poet. His stuff was really good. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Otw home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Yeah? I'd assume everyone would at least know one... If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? The thought "I'm bored" every five minutes. What's a song that makes you feel happy? "Jump" by Van Halen came to mind first. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube. Do you need money to be happy? To a degree, yes. Money can buy happiness - but again, to a degree. Saying it doesn't is bullshit. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably just OC ideas, lmao. I've thought of some decently cool stuff recently. what is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls uggggghhhhhh How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three if I'm seriously hungry. If you could switch places with someone for a day, who would it be? Is "Mark's girlfriend" even remotely surprising lmao but no seriously she's an amazing and productive person like I WISH. What's the last song you listened to? "Roots" by In This Moment is on rn. Do you like the movie Zootopia? Ye! Do you ever go on Pinterest? Yeah. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A Reese's. Tell me a line from the song you're listening to: "I'm stronger than I ever knew - I'm strong because of you." Have you ever participated in a march/protest? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah, for dance classes and school stuff. What did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn. I may have gotten sour gummies, too? Idr. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Do you listen to music every day? There are rare days where I don't. I'll be watching too many actual videos. Do you have a hard time making decisions? A STUPID hard time. I'm extremely dependent, including when faced with decisions. I second-guess myself with everything. Do you start the shower water before or after you get in? Before. How many times have you been to a museum? A good number of times. We live pretty close to an art + science one. Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? Most likely not. Would you rather be a Panda or Grizzly bear? A panda so it wouldn't be legal to shoot me lmao. Do the stairs in your house have carpet? We only have one floor. Can you do a twirl like a ballerina? Oh wow, no. Even when I was a dancer, I SUCKED at that. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Is your family dysfunctional? To a degree. How old were you the first time you travelled alone? 22? What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? I don't know. Not long. We only ever really stayed at one when we had to go to Myrtle Beach for annual dance competitions, and those were only like, a weekend. What architectural style was your childhood home? Uhhh idk. Very normal. Tell me a bit about your last relationship. What was it like dating them? It was great, but also stressful because of distance. What's the largest animal you've seen in the wild? Maybe like a large buck or something. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not that I'm aware of. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. What political issues are the most important to you personally? Gay rights and the pro-choice stance. Does your neighborhood have a community garden? I've never even heard of such a thing. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Acting secretive or cryptic about who they are as a person. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? Visually that I've seen a good number of pictures of, Utah. Are there any obscure foods you've eaten that most people have never tried? I very much doubt that. What's the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I'm unsure. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? Yeah, I did one of those diet things before... but the name is evading me, even though it's super common. Nutrisystem, maybe? Do you have any pets? If so, how old are they? Venus is around five, and Roman is two. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? My psychiatrist and former therapist predict my discomfort around men, particularly when they're behind me, and extreme fear of rape is rooted in two kids from pre-k that used to chase, randomly hug the hell out of, and try to kiss me. I'd actually entirely forgotten about it until we really started to dig deep, so I guess it's a repressed memory. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? WOW no, son. What's your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? I don't watch DIY stuff. What was your high school's mascot? Firebird. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Megan, Maria, Girt, and Dennis were The Crew. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Aaron was my brief puppy-dog love, but Jason was my first real boyfriend. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. If I slept on the top, but bottom is getting crushed lmao. As a little kid though when Nicole and I shared a room, I had to have the top bunk until I got a bit older. What insects are you afraid of? BEETLES, CICADAS, AND LARVA GET THE FUCK OUT. Honestly most insects scare me to a degree. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I think the aforementioned Aaron did in middle school at least once before we dated. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Swimming in the pool, if they had one. What's one way in which you're still a child? I'm dependent as shit on my mom. What's one way in which you're old? I now say "back in the day" sometimes lmfao. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? Both at different times. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Only once at a certain age. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just kinda swim around and think, or watch nature. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I know I have, but they're evading me, gaaaah. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I only ever wear black. What’s your favourite brand of peanut butter? Uhhh never really paid much attention to brands. Do you put all your stuff for class in one binder or several? When I was in school, I had one binder with dividers, but I also had specific folders too. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos. How many languages can you recite the alphabet in? Two. What’s your favourite flavour of sunflower seeds? I hate those. What’s your favourite flavor of muffin? Chocolate oof. Have you ever had carpal tunnel? I do. I haven't had problems in a couple months, though. Are you one of those people who is really smart but has no common sense? OW FUCK OFF. How old were you when you met your first love? I was just shy of 16. Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? We occasionally did as a kid, but they definitely don't have that where we live now. Has the last person you kissed met your family? She met my mom, dad, and younger sister. What was the last strong emotion you experienced? Who was responsible for it? Remorse. Myself. Have you ever had to cancel a bank account? Yes. Was the last conversation you had an argument? No. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I am not in the financial or mental position to get married right now. Where was the last place you got completely wasted? I've never been "wasted." If you could have anyone as your roommate, who would you choose? Sara. Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? Wow no. Well, MAYBE when I actually worked in stores and I was supposed to, but I don't remember doing that. Do you go for walks often? I never do because of having no area to (my house is along a dangerous curve), and I need to be very careful because of muscle atrophy in my legs. I need to have easy access to a place to sit and recover or else I get very close to collapsing. As mentioned, I desperately want a treadmill. Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? No, I'm 24 years old. My mom would never in her life do that at any age anyway. How strange do people say you are? Idk?? That's not something I really try to find out because my AvPD would possibly make me cry asldkfjwe. Have you opened food at a grocery store & ate it without or before paying? I would never do that without, but I have before in cases of being very dizzy and knowing I desperately needed food. How artistic are you? I think I'm pretty artistic, but more in concept than actuality... Like I have so so so SOOOOOO many ideas, particularly with drawing, I just don't. Do it. Can you legally drive? Not currently, because my permit has been expired since last year. Did anything dramatic go down yesterday? No. Do you find smoking unattractive? Very. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? No, thankfully. Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore? No. Are you comfortable sharing drinks with your friends? No; I don't even share drinks with family. Honestly, have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? No, I hate that shit. When you were a kid did you ever look up “sex” in the dictionary? Actually no. I literally didn't learn anything about it 'til family life in the 5th grade. Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing right now? No. Are you shorter or taller than most of your friends? I'm a normal height, really. Honestly, do you double dip? If I'm sharing, no. All you have to do is break the chip. What was the last junk food you ate? I had a little bit of popcorn yesterday.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Cyberverse watch! Episodes 1-10

EPISODE 1

Bee you are ADORABLE

The cartoons always seem to start off in the middle of a desert huh

Lmao this is mean but imagine if bee missed the ju-- OH NO I WAS JUST KIDDING BEE

BUMBLEBEE IM SO SORRY I WAS JUST KIDDING, I SHOULDN”T HAVE MADE THAT JOKE

Gosh I’m so glad Windblade seems like one of the main three, like, she’s one of the main people in the intro and everything

Oh man we’re getting right into the bakstory huh

THERE”S TINY PERCY

“We couldn’t be sure if it’d actually work” Windblade says as she jumps through it without any concern or sense of self-preservation

AW SHE HUGGED BEE Windblade is so cute

IS THAT...SKYWARP

It’s so hard to tell the seekers apart

AW MAN I LOVE WINDBLADE’S SWORD And I love that her wings are retractable that’s so cool

STINGER that’s a new ability for ol’ Bee

OH THAT”S THUNDERCRACKER alrighty, sorry bud, I always think you should be green for some reason

JEEZ LOUISE WINDBLADE THAT CORTICAL PSYCHIC PATCH

I wonder if Windblade is still a Cityspeaker in this show :O

oh ANNNND THAT”S THE END OF THAT EPISODE man I forgot they were only 11 minutes. Alright, what the heck, let’s do some more

EPISODE 2

Alright I’m pretty sure that pretty purple seeker isn’t Skywarp but  idk what her name is yet

Aw grumpy Bee is cute

HER FANS JUST FLEW OFF???? WE’RE JUST PLAYING FAST AND LOOSE WITH THESE DESIGNS HUH I gotta say I’m a fan

“I’m going to create a distraction while you--” *camera zooms out to show Bee’s wandered off* I LOVE THEM

Yeah Windblade may not be a Cityspeaker in this series but she’s definitely a babysitter lmao, poor gal

OH SHE IS A CITYSPEAKER THAT”S AWESOME I wasn’t sure if they’d keep that part of her backstory :’) I’m so glad

Awww they hugged again :’)))) Windblade and Bee’s friendship is so cute!!

AAWW AND AGAIN!!! GOSH I LOVE THEM “We were friends once” “We still are” WEEPS!!!!

EPISODE 3

Windblade: BUMBLEBEE STOP DRIVING SO BADLY IM TRYING TO MONOLOGUE

Windblade: I’m going to plug into your brain with this cortical psychic patch and access your memories Bumblebee: I don’t believe this woman’s ever gone to medical school

Lmao way to sum things up Bee

TRIFORCE CUBE ALLSPARK

I wonder if the Allspark swallowed up / locked away his memories AH and as soon as I started typing that some weird glowing stuff started happening lmao

Ah and there’s Starscream, the dork

Man had Saling not warned me about Peter Cullen not voicing Optimus I would’ve been totally caught off-guard by that. Man, I hope Mr. Cullen is doing ok

I DON”T KNOW WHY BUT MEGATRON SAYING “AHAHA OPTIMUS PRIME” MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD

STARSCREAM TOOK OFF HIS WINGS AND THREW THEM WTF

LMAO SHE JUST TRIPPED HIM OFF A LEDGE #Get rekt Starscream

SCARY LADY WHO THE HECK IS THAT

SOUNDWAVE

MY BOY!!! IT”S HIM THERE HE IS!!! I JUST GASPED

SOUNDWAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU”RE DOING SO GOOD

OH MAN AND HE CAN TALK???? SOUNDWAVE BABY BOY!!!!!

OUCH poor Optimus

Optimus: Good thing I was a pitcher in my middle school’s football league *chucks Allspark through the space bridge*

EPISODE 4

That Allspark looks so much like a dice....I wonder what would happen if they rolled a nat 20 on it lmao

GRIMLOCK??????

WHEELJACK?????

lmao wheeljack looks like such a dork I love him

OH MY GOSH IS THAT CHROMIA??? SCREW THESE GUYS, THERE”S MY GIRL!!!!

Lmao I love that Windblade’s essentially “Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories”-ing Bee’s memories

Optimus: Meet back here in 20 astrocycles Grimlock: Sure thing! *whispers to bee* What the heck is an astrocycle Bee: *Shrugs*

Bee: I don’t know, but this place is the pits I LOVE HIM?????

It’s so weird hearing “intellectual” Grimlock lmaooo

Bee: *grumbles* Optimus would’ve thought that was a funny joke YOU ARE PRECIOUS

Optimus: Bee, watch your footing, the ground is starting to shake Bee: Thank you for that wonderful observation, Captain Obvious

Those bugs are making such cute sounds as they attack them that’s so cute

Aw Optimus, you’re such a good guy, what a sweetheart

Dang, they have a lot of autobots on that ship

UH THEY SHOULD LEAVE AT LEAST ONE PERSON AWAKE

EPISODE 5

Aw man the snow and mountain background in this episode look so pretty

WHY IS BEE HOLDING A GOAT SO CUTE

Bee: They were very kind. They took me in as one of their own WHY! ARE! YOU! SO! PRECIOUS!!!!!

Windblade: You want a what? What is a food processor? THEY”RE SO CUTE!!! GOSH I LOVE THEM 

oh man the backgrounds on this show are absolutely beautiful

Man, you know what it’s so frickin cool that Windblade’s essentially the main character of the show (plus Bee, but mostly her) :’)

“I thought they left all the useless bots on Cybertron” “Clearly not, if you’re here” OH SNAP

Bee’s just sitting on the ship watching bad human TV while Windblade’s off risking her life lmao, I love him

Slipstream is such a moron, why would you throw a flier off a CLIFF

SHE”S A FLIER

I love how Windblade says “Ugh, I was attacked” as if it’s just an inconvenience and not a huge deal

EPISODE 6

OHHH IS THIS GLADIATOR MEGATRON

YEAHHHH IT IS

AHHHHHH BEE HIGH-FIVED SHOCKWAVE, THAT”S SO CUTE I was wondering what the context was behind that

OH MAN THERE’S ARCEE AND RATCHET

AHHH AND THERE”S SOUNDWAVE They’re all standing beside him!

MEGATRON JUST SAID “TIL ALL ARE ONE” IM CRACKING UP

Optimus: I do not intend to start a fight Bee: What if he doesn’t listen? Optimus: He will listen to me 8′((((( and so it begins </3

Lmao also:  Optimus: I don’t intend to start a fight Optimus two seconds later: *chucks a bot*

OH MAN SHOCKWAVE LOOKS SO INTIMIDATING I LOVE THAT

“The file clerk is here to air his grievances” OHH it’s interesting to see what sort of backstory they’re giving Optimus in this universe

Megatron: You are wasting your time Optimus: It is never a waste of time to speak to an old friend I AM CLUTCHING MY CHEST,  YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME RN

GOSH THIS IS THE MOST DRAMATIC BREAKUP EVER THIS IS KILLING ME IM SO SAD

That one lady Decepticon: *grabs onto Bee and flips him over her head* Me: *CONFLICTED HEART EYE EMOJI????*

SOUNDWAVE!!! IM LOVE YOU!!!! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!

GOSH I AM RENDERED INCAPABLE OF COHERENT THOUGHT OR SPEECH WHEN HE COMES ONSCREEN

Bee: Megatron may have torn out my voicebox, but he can’t keep me from talking. I love to talk! Talk talk talk talk.... Windblade: *laughs* Shut up! *weeps into my hands* This friendship is so wholesome

EPISODE 7

AW Decepticon ships have pong on their ships that’s adorable

What is the deal with this cube...is it a person....

AW IS THIS THEIR FIRST MEETING, THAT”S SO ADORABLE, gosh, what a dorky way for Windblade and Bee to meet

IT”S A SPORT OH MY GOSHHHH that’s amazing, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any sort of Cybertronian sports, that’s so cool! I always wondered what kind of sports / games they’d be into

lmao Starscream is so unimpressed with Windblade for liking the game

Ahh Windblade’s taller than him! That’s so cool!

LMAO Bee: You seem different. You’re not like other jets

GOSH THIS EPISODE IS LITERALLY MEAN GIRLS BUT WITH GIANT ROBOTS THIS IS HILARIOUS

Lmao yeah Starsream, because no one’s going to notice the cube is suddenly red instead of blue

AW NEITHER OF THEM REMEMBER HOW TO PLAY CUBE that’s adorable

EPISODE 8

Ugh, there really aren’t any good places to watch episode 8 so I’m watching it all broken up

YO VELOCITRON EXISTS IN THIS UNIVERSE NICEEEE It’s so cool seeing the colony planets!!

YO VELOCITRON LOOKS SO C

OH MY GOSH THERE’S HOT ROD!!!! I LOVE HIM OH MY GOSH BLURR IS HERE TOO!!!!

HOT ROD!!!! RODDY!!! YOU SOUND SO CUTE I LOVE YOU!!!!

Wait wtf is that evil wheeljack??? WHO IS THAT oh wait Plague of Rust??? that doesn’t sound great

“HOT DOG”

I really like Bee’s voice ahhhh he got such a great voice actor

Hot Rod and Blurr’s banter is so fun, that’s really great, and Bee’s like an excitable little kid!!! I love him!!!!

Blurr you stupid twunk, you gotta get out of there THAT RUST IS SPREADING SO FAST

OH NO HIS WHEEL GOT SOME RUST ON IT

OH SHOOT THEY’RE REALLY GONNA KILL BLURR HUH

DANG DUDE WELL OK THEN

EPISODE 9

Nicccce good friends sparring

WHO IS THIS CREEPY MULTIPLE EYED GIRL oh her name is Shadow Striker

*MEANINGFUL SILENCE AT THE WAY THEY STRUNG OPTIMUS UP*

“Ugh, I don’t even like being alone in the room with him” “I don’t like being left alone with you!” LMAO

Bee is so cute, he’s trying to psych himself up

LMAO THE GUARDS ARE TALKING ABOUT THEIR PREFERENCES AND THEIR BOSS that’s so cute what losers

AW MAN I thought Bumblebee was gonna hug Optimus that would’ve been cute

There’s so many seekers in this series!

Man I wasn’t sure what I’d think of Cyberverse but I’m really enjoying myself! It’s such a cute heartwarming show!

...I say, right as Shadow Striker attempts to do a murder / suicide thing with Bumblebee

“What’s your problem with me?!” I MEAN YOU DID BLOW HER UP BUMBLEBEE, CAN YOU BLAME HER FOR BEING MAD

EPISODE 10

Epic space battle! 

BEE YOU DON”T HAVE A SPACE-FARING ALT MODE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

MACCADAMS

THAT”S...DEFINITELY NOT HOW I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRONOUNCED

RIP buff Rung theory, you will be sorely missed

RATCHET!!! GOSH HE DOES SOUND LIKE A WEIRD NEW YORKER that’s an interesting take on his voice! I wonder how they decided on that

SOUNDWAVE!!! SOUNDWAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD DIE FOR YOU!!! AND HE EVEN HAS BACKUP DANCERS!!! Of course the crowd is going wild for him

AW MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS *whispers* datenight

WHEELJACK AND SHOCKWAVE AW THAT”S SO CUTE They’re both dorky science nerds / proud papas to the shocklets and OH MY GOSH DID SHOCKWAVE JUST LAUGH THAT”S SO CUTE

Gosh I love seeing the bots talking about sports that’s adorable

MACCADAM IS TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE goshhh. I still see buff Rung but actually getting to meet Maccadam is pretty neat

DEADLOCK AHHH aw he’s so timid!! I love him :’) 

CHROMIA!!! I LOVE HER!!! And aww she’s making the same argument she does in the comic

OH NO DEADLOCK POOR GUY what a sweetheart, he’s just out here doing his best 

YOOOO MACCADAM THAT”S SICK AS HELL, IM SCREAMING

THIS DUDE DEFINITELY TAKES AFTER HIS PAPA RUNG

I need to draw Mac and Rung together, I NEED to see them hanging out

“To friendship” AW THAT”S SO PRECIOUS GOSHHHH

I CAN”T WAIT TO SEE MORE OF THIS SHOW I LOVE IT

[shortkingactivism]

prompt: shane finding out that ryan is a seer who can see ghosts, but shane doesn't believe him at first but he eventually does? you can change it up if you like if this is too much! love your writing

Thank you for your kind words I hope you like this! I’m on mobile rn so sorry if anything is a lil wonky I’ll try to fix it when I get off vacation!

——

It starts out small.

Having worked with Ryan as long as Shane had, he’s pretty confident in his arsenal of Useless Ryan Trivia. He knows Ryan likes to work out when he’s stressed, knows his favorite brand of popcorn is the fancy one that had to be made on a stove instead of in the microwave and knows that he has the tendency to talk to himself. Like a lot. So when he wakes up in the middle of the night to Ryan softly mumbling he thinks nothing of it at first.

They’d just gotten back from a location, a small house out in the middle of West Bumblefuck, Missouri where a man had snapped one day and killed his wife and children as they slept. A sad case but not Satanic as Ryan had been so quick to claim.

The investigation had been relatively uneventful aside from the usual nonsense EVPs they had captured on the Screeching Hell Box but Ryan had still returned to their shared hotel room keyed up and twitchy.

He kept casting furtive glances to dark corners of their room and looking over his shoulder, probably thinking himself inconspicuous but which Shane picked up on right away. He tried not to tease Ryan too much, knowing how affected he could get after their investigations, yet the pull was too strong to resist entirely.

“You okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Shane said, giving him what could only be described as a shiteating grin.

“Fuck off, squatch. That place just gave me some bad vibes, y’know?”

“Again with the vibes? What are you, psychic now or something?”

Shane scoffed and Ryan laughed along mechanically.

“Oh come on, Ryan. We’re fine. If the ghouls were really that upset they would’ve squared up to me ages ago. Given me the ol’ one two.” He nudged Ryan slightly and smiled when he seemed to loosen up a bit.

“You’re right, who could pass up the chance to knock your limp noodle body around. I can barely suppress the urge.”

“Aw, Ryan. I’m touched. If you wanted to get your hands on me you could’ve just asked.”

Ryan snorted.

“You wish.”

Mood lightened, Ryan seemed fine to go to sleep. Seemed being the keyword as Ryan was once again awake and probably telling his camera all about the spooky sound of footsteps in a well inhabited place. Ooooo.

Shane listened closely, too exhausted to get up just yet if Ryan was at a manageable level of fear and would be able to calm himself down without Shanes’ help.

“You’ll be okay. Everything’s alright.”

There. Ryan was talking himself down and didn’t actually sound at all upset. Shane let himself relax and almost immediately felt himself falling back asleep.

“Hey, no buddy. Please don’t cry. You’re alright. Go back home, your mom’s probably looking for you right now.”

What? Shanes brows furrowed and he was fully awake once more.

“It’s okay. He won’t be there. He’s gone, I promise. Please, buddy? For me? You don’t want your mom to be sad do you?”

Ryan paused as if waiting for a response and Shane strained his ears, too. Maybe he was on the phone? Or talking in his sleep? But there was no light piercing through the dark of their room and for as long as Shane had known him Ryan had never once talked in his sleep. So what was going on?

Across the room from him, Ryan laughed, light and airy.

“That’s what I thought. Now go on. You’ll be alright. Goodbye, little guy!”

Shane laid quietly in his bed, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Ryan to yell “sike!” and spin his camera around for his reaction. All he heard, however, was Ryan heaving a deep sigh before shifting around to get more comfortable.

When nothing more happened, Shane finally allowed his confusion to succumb to his exhaustion and drifted off, promising himself to confront Ryan about it in the morning.

——“Hey, little guy how’d you sleep last night. You look, quite frankly, like shit.”

“Damn, Madej. You really know how to sweet talk a guy. Should I strip now or later?” Ryan deadpanned.

“Any excuse to lose the shirt, huh? But really, you look tired. Are you alright?” Shane asked, subtly trying to get closure for last night’s events.

“It was alright. Had a little trouble sleeping, though. Kept thinking about the case. You really have to be a shitty person to do that to your family, huh?”

“Oh for sure. You gotta hop right onto the train to Sucksville for that. No transfers, nothin’. Just straight on to Sucksville, population: That Guy.”

“‘Population: That Guy’ Jesus. You really don’t even remember his name? We just talked about it yesterday!”

“Ryan, if I could remember the name of every shitty murderer to ever exist then I wouldn’t working be at Buzzfeed.”

“Oh yeah? Then where would you be?”

“Killin’ it on some super niche game show about killers from the middle of nowhere, obviously Ryan. Keep up!”

Ryan laughs, bright and loud and Shane feels his own face morph into a smile of its own.

In the end they get too distracted thinking up disturbing names for Shane’s imaginary game show for him to bring up Ryan’s night once more.

——Eventually, Shane pushes that night to the back of his mind, rationalizing it as sleep talking and leaving it at that. There’s not much else to explain it away with and Shane’s pretty content with his answer.

Shane, however, doesn’t completely forget about the incident. He finds himself paying closer attention to Ryan than before, something he previously thought impossible.

He drags his eyes over him at every possible opportunity, strains his ears to scan for his voice and spends way to much time thinking over their interactions.

If Shane didn’t know any better he’d say he’d developed a crush on Ryan. But that was dumb because he was a grown man and that was his best friend. He was simply… researching, compiling notes like he would for an episode of Ruining History. Delving in deep to get all the right facts and throw out the bullshit would take an attentive eye, of course.

And through his observations Shane had made several slightly worrying discoveries.

Ryan was talking to himself more, forome. Normally, Shane could blame it on the stress from the pressure of planning out a new season but Ryan’s research was going off without a hitch. Plus, it was almost never at work or at his desk.

Sometimes, Shane and Ryan would be scouting out a location and the second Ryan believed Shane was out of earshot he would start muttering under his breath, gesturing and looking over his shoulder as if afraid to get caught.

Ryan, he noticed, also refused to stare at one place for too long. He would either focus all his attention on Shane or his eyes would dart around whatever room they were in, never settling, as if avoiding eye contact. At first Shane had written it off as a result of Ryan’s nervous energy and inability to hold still and then after coming to terms with his feelings for Ryan he had hoped it meant that maybe Ryan felt the same way. But Shane decided that, no, something about it felt off.

Maybe it was the way Ryan would almost seem fearful about taking his eyes away from someone else’s face. Or maybe it was the times that his gaze would catch on something, eyes sparking with something akin to recognition and sadness before they would quickly scurry to the next spot. Shane wasn’t quite sure but it worried him.

The final straw was after yet another shoot at a haunted location. This time a young girl, Ciara Fisher, had died in a house fire and was said to haunt the place, crying at night and clawing at the doors in an attempt to escape the fire she still experienced each night.

Shane had woken in the middle of the night to use the bathroom only to experience fear gripping his chest as he saw Ryan’s empty sleeping bag beside him.

He got up in a hurry, switching on his flashlight and creeping across the house quietly in search for his partner.

“Ryan?” He called out in a hushed, panicked voice. “Where are you?” No response.

Worried, Shane continued his search. Faintly, he thought he heard whispering coming from down the hall, the site where Ryan had said the little girl had been trapped. When he turned the corner he saw her bedroom door wide open with a faint light emitting from it.

Quietly, Shane approached the room, keeping his footsteps light in case it wasn’t Ryan and instead some intruder who wanted to hurt them.

As he got closer, however, Shane was able to easily make out Ryan’s voice in the silent room.

“Wow, you tied that bow all by yourself? I’m impressed!” A pause. “Of course I’ll miss you, sweetie, but don’t you think your parents miss you more?”

Shane peeked in and saw Ryan seated on the ground, body turned slightly to face a corner of the room. He could just barely make out Ryan’s soft smile in the dim moonlight streaming through the grimy window.

“I won’t forget you, I promise. How could I ever forget meeting a real life princess! Oh, a fairy princess? My bad, your majesty! Oh, no no come on sweetie. No more crying. No need to be sad, I’ll see you again one day. That’s more like it. Goodbye Princess Ciara.”—-

Oh. Oh shit. Ryan thought. That he was talking. To ghosts. Oh shit.

That was not good. At all. On no planet was this okay. He had to talk to him, had to get him some help. He couldn’t- wouldn’t - let some show on Youtube irreversibly fuck with his best friends’ psyche like that.

Shane backed out of the room and all but ran for his sleeping bag. When they got back from this trip they were gonna have a nice, loooong talk.

—-“Ryan, we need to talk.”

“Uh oh, are you breaking up with me, Shane?” Shane remained straight faced even as his stomach fluttered stupidly at the implication that he and Ryan were dating.

“I’m serious Ryan. I- I think you need to stop doing Unsolved.”

“Very funny, Shane. Let me just grow another 2 feet in my sleep while I’m at it.” Ryan rolled his eyes, before turning back to the tv, popcorn in hand.

Shane grabbed the remote and muted the movie, determined to have this talk despite Ryan’s complaints.

“Ryan, I really think you need to take a break from Unsolved. I know its your baby but seriously, mental health comes first.”

“Mental health- what does that even mean? Sure, I get scared sometimes but so what? It’s not like I’m about to suffer from a psychic break or something…” Ryan trailed off, eyes narrowing, “holy shit do you think I’ve finally, like, snapped or something? What the fuck, man!”

“Ryan, it’s just that…”

“No, fuck you, man. I don’t think, like, the Devil’s been whispering in my ear, telling me to clickbait articles to get extra ad revenue or whatever. I’m fi-“

“I heard you talking to the little girl, Ryan! And the boy in Missouri. And you’ve been acting weird and skittish and I just- I just want you to get better. I need you to be okay.”

Shane’s voice was breaking now, trailing off as the thought of Ryan not getting the help he needed hit him full force. Ryan lost the anger he initially felt, softening at the sight of Shane wilting in front of him.

“Shane I’m not- I can’t,” He took a deep breath before composing himself, wincing at the thought of what he was about to say, “I appreciate your concern but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What?” Shane’s head shot up in surprise, “what do you mean?”

“I mean, I have no clue what you’re talking about Shane. You know I would never talk to a ghost or some shit like that. Maybe… maybe you’re the one who needs help right now. Or maybe you dreamt it?”

“Really? Are you really doing this to me, Ryan?”

“Doing what, Shane. I’m just saying you don’t seem to have been sleeping well either-“

“That’s because I’ve been up all night worrying about you! Because you’re talking to people who aren’t there! And I’m worried about you but if you’re gonna stand there and- and fucken gaslight me then fine! I’ll quit Unsolved and you won’t have to worry about lying to me anymore.”

Shane turned to leave, anger and disbelief clouding his judgement. He was halfway to the door of Ryan’s apartment when he felt a strong hand on his forearm.

“Wait, please don’t go. I’m sorry that I lied to you like that. I’m just…scared. I don’t know how to talk about this.”

“Ryan. I’m your best friend. You should never be ashamed to talk about your mental health.”

“That’s just the problem, Shane,” he whispered, “it has nothing to do with my mental health. I’m a Seer. I can see ghosts.”

Shane’s heart broke.

“No, stop it, Shane. Stop making that face. I’m not, I don’t know, schizophrenic or something. Trust me I’ve been to my fair share of doctors to make sure I’m not making this up to know.”

“Ryan, you can’t- I mean. That’s not- ghosts aren’t real. You have to understand that. Maybe it’s something you didn’t have checked, like-“

“I knew it. You don’t believe me. God, I’m so stupid.” He started cleaning the room, sweeping stray popcorn into the bowls and shutting off the tv.

“I think it’s best if you go home.”

“Ryan, that’s not fair. I’m just trying to help you.”

“Well, if your idea of help is trying to get me committed then I don’t want it!”

“How do you think I feel? The person I’m in love with is losing his goddamn mind and he won’t even consider getting help.”

Pause.

“You’re in love with me?”

“That’s not- I didn’t. Fuck.”

Ryan smiled softly, heart soaring.

“You’re in love with me!” Ryan was beaming before he took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

“Okay, let me try something. Let me prove it to you.”

“What? How? How could you possibly prove it to me? It’s not real.”

“You’re grandma loves you a lot, y’know?” Ryan started, apropos of nothing, “She thinks you’re real funny, Lord knows why.”

“Don’t.”

“She’s really sweet. She likes to hang around the set and watch you do your thing sometimes. Says she’s waiting for you to get your head out your ass. Never knew what she meant by that but I think I can guess now.”

“Ryan, this isn’t funny. This is fucked up, man.”

“Shane, please. I’m not trying to hurt you,” he was more solemn now, less light hearted and more serious, handling it with the respect he felt they both deserved.

“She always wanted me to tell you she’s so sorry for missing your school concerts but she loved when you would come to her hospital room and show her videos of you playing and tell her funny stories. I kept telling her I couldn’t, that you wouldn’t believe me, but she wanted you to know so badly how much she loves you.”

Shane’s crying now, shoulders shaking in silent sobs and Ryan wants to move closer, to comfort him, but he isn’t sure he’s allowed.

“She loves you so much, Shane. Her mała gwiazda.”

Shane launches himself into Ryan’s arms and then they’re both crying, intertwining themselves so closely they’re almost one being.

“What the fuck, Ryan? I mean, what the fuck?”

“I know, it’s a lot to take in. I’m sorry.”

Eventually, they calm down, exhausted from the crying and the revelations. They move to lie more comfortably on the couch, Ryan lying on his side and Shane wrapped around him like a particularly clingy octopus.

“Mała gwiazda,” Shane says, breaking the silence, “it means little star in Polish. She used to call me that during the visits. It’s the only Polish I really remember now.”

Ryan just smiles at him softly, burrowing closer to his chest.

“So,” Shane says, “any other earth shattering secrets you wanna come clean with. You got abducted by a UFO recently? Getting frisky with our boy, the Mothman?”

Ryan laughs but gets quiet, turning to face Shane head on.

“Actually, yeah. Just one more.”

“Oh?” Shane hums, lifting a brow. “Hit me, baby!”

Ryan rolls his eyes fondly but keeps looking Shane in the eyes as he wraps his arms around him, resting his hands behind his neck to play with the short strands of hair there. Shane’s heart stutters and nothing, he thinks, could ever top this moment.

“I’m in love with you, too.”

Shane smiles widely, eyes crinkling with it. As he swoops down to capture Ryan’s lips with his own he thinks he could stand to be wrong more often if the outcomes were always this breathtaking.

Who needed to be skeptic when he had all he needed to believe in right here, anyways?

[asakamasanobu]

// nonsense ahead im incoherent

life update — my life is in flames! okay actually it’s not i’m just being dramatic but So Much has been happening including 1) me relying on ricchan and asaka to have the courage to have a silly little dream again 2) my dream getting crushed like a week later LOLOL 3) me rereading bits of otrfk for therapy and then getting Insane asaka insights that i really want to type out and probably will one day when i have time bc i cry to myself thinking about how similar we are but also how much i want to be like him 4) me downloading dick and balls game to # get over being crushed and unfortunately enjoying it more than i thought i would and now playing it nonstop oh no (for the record olivine is my beloved he is so ughehwhwhfh i want to SCREAM about him somewhere but i try to keep my accounts sfw so ..... also yes it’s bc he’s repressed as fuck and whenever i see a gay repressed mf like ricchan asaka and now olivine i Grab them and this tangent has gone on for so long fack) and finally ..... 5) me feeling like i can’t face ritsu rn bc i feel so bad about not being able to pursue things as 真っ直ぐ as he does (does not know how to translate in the most apt way but that’s him) head in hands

IT’S SO SILLY THO i realise i always do this same song and dance when i need him most but hate myself and feel like i shouldn’t rely on him in a state like this .... but it’s just that i am a ~ pussy ~ and could only psych myself up for something i wanted badly but was terrified of by relying on him and now that i fell through ...... i feel so guilty and about the fact that i failed even when relying on him. yeah it’s for the silliest reasons like i want to go kyoto prefecture bc of him specifically and also redacted bc of him and if i said it to my friends they would’ve just made fun of me bc they don’t understand the emotional gravity of his existence on me (or maybe they do but will still find my motivations dumb anyway which i kind of don’t want to deal with LOL) and how much he pushes me on when i’m scared and uncertain so now i feel like i can’t live up to his legacy and do the things that he inspired me to T___T i guess it’s not even my fault that i couldn’t go run after my dreams at full force and i braced myself for it so it didn’t hurt that much ...... i think instead of blaming myself for choosing something unrealistic i should be proud of myself for daring to step out of my comfort zone for once ........ for wanting to follow in his and asaka’s footsteps and wanting to become a better person ........ and even if it didn’t materialise, taking that step was something that i could only do bc of him and i shouldn’t hold failure against myself ....... hghwhehw oh god somehow typing that out really helped me process my feelings about that even though it’s been more than a week ;__; maybe i will go poke poke my volume 16 again bc i’ve been so focused on the fact that i couldn’t live up to the strength of my number one emotional support man that i didn’t realise that in a sense i did too ...... weh (also it feels so bad to admit that i’m holding myself back from him bc it sounds insane but it’s precisely bc i love him so much and hold him to such a high standing that i don’t want to burden him at my weakest . ok that sounds even more insane but LISTEN 

ok i was not expecting to finally have processed my emotions and overcome my guilt and regrets on this bus ride UMMMM I HAD SOMETHING ELSE I WANTED TO SAY OH YES i was thinking how ironic it is that this happened in the same time frame as my emotional breakdown last sem like literally i got the bad news on like the same day or maybe one day before i got emotionally fucked over and realising i managed to get through week 8 this sem without suffering was like wah ..... bitch you’ve grown !!!!! i think growth isn’t very visible most of the time which is why i don’t think i’ve grown that much since then especially since this time i was prepared for rejection unlike last time but when i made it through tuesday — where one semester ago i was just throwing up and crying the whole day # real # embarrassing # sorry for oversharing — without doing that and being completely normal i was really just ..... at peace. like i’m glad i got the closure i got from meeting asaka and knowing that no matter what life throws me i probably won’t go through such intense misery again and even if i do, i can pick myself up .... it’s great! it’s also funny that around that same time i was skirting around relying on ricchan until i did and he made me feel a lot better about my pathetic little self so maybe i haven’t grown that much in how i am a little (2&3?2&2 about relying on him but needing to at the same time u__u

in conclusion i think even if i can’t fly far, i’ll still continue on working on becoming a better person — someone who is strong enough to live up to ritsu and asaka and their legacies. maybe it’s silly to live your life wanting to be as strong and kind as some fictional mfs, but they’ve really pushed me to do things i would never have dared to do, even if they don’t come true. and i wish i had the time and energy to record down this past week in depth but alas uni is kicking my ass and kicking it hard! i knew i wouldn’t be able to keep up with my intense essays on my favourite gay media on here once break ended but well . not like i’m not on my gay shit at all (olivine shoutout at the end yet again i love that man)