#the good moments are nice but there are so many more bad moments. and I can't see myself enduring endlessly

[barcaatthemoon]

respect || alexia putellas x reader ||

You go back to Alexia after taking some space with the hope to reconcile.

You were absolutely fuming. Alexia had a way of acting like a complete dumbass sometimes. What should have been a nice night out with the team turned into something much more complicated. You wanted to have a good time and enjoy yourself, but then Alexia got jealous. She had a bad habit of getting jealous, and you had finally reached your limit.

It had been over a week and a half since the incident, and you were still pissed. You had seen Alexia since then, but you were wildly good at ignoring her at practice. The two of you lived together, but you hadn't been home since that night. Alexia was hurting, and you were also struggling, but you needed to prove your point.

In the time that you'd been away, you had practically flocked to your older sister. Marta loved you, and she would always take care of you, even if it strained her own relationship a little. You and Caroline were pretty close friends, but it was a little overwhelming for her to live with two very outgoing Spanish women. You knew that you were getting close to the end of your stay, even if you weren't quite ready to face Alexia again.

"Nena, I think that it is time you go back home for a bit. Not a single thing you're wearing right now actually belongs to you." There was a teasing lilt to your sister's voice, but you knew that she was serious. Behind her, you could see Caro standing in the hallway. She seemed a bit more anxious than normal, the kind that came with a certain air of guilt. "I can take you back in a bit."

"It's fine, I'll call a cab," you told her. Marta frowned as she watched you pack up your things. She hadn't meant that you had to leave immediately, but you definitely seemed to take it that way. You weren't mad at her, not really, but Marta knew that it would be a good idea to steer clear of you for the rest of the week.

You had always been very passionate, and with that came a lot of different feelings. Marta knew how hard it could be for you to calm down. Something seemingly small would stay with you for so long, and despite all of the work you had done to stop that habit, you could never quite shake it.

Marta sighed as you seemed to be gone before she could really stop you. A part of her wondered if she had made the right decision sending you away so early. She knew that things with Alexia could potentially get much worse, especially if Alexia was mad at you for stepping away for so long. Marta hadn't ever seen the two of you fight, but she had been there to pick up some of the pieces in the aftermath. Things between you and Alexia were generally pretty good, even if both of you were beyond stubborn.

Alexia's car was gone when your ride dropped you off. Your car was in the garage, so Alexia always parked hers outside, despite it being the nicer vehicle. It was just one of the many things that Alexia did to take care of you. You could be a bit tempermental, but Alexia always tried her hardest to take care of you. It wasn't a good thought, but slowly, you began to wonder if you'd be able to find someone else who was willing to do that.

"Why are you sitting outside? You're getting burned," Alexia said as she ran over towards you. For a moment, you thought she was going to pull you out of the chair, but she skidded to a stop before she could touch you.

"I've been gone for a while, and I wasn't really sure whether you'd want me to come inside after everything," you told her. Alexia scoffed at that as she pulled you into a hug. "I'm sorry that I ran away, I just didn't want the fight to get worse. Please forgive me."

"You did the right thing. I was mad at first, but sometimes I forget how we go back and forth. You'd give me space if I wanted it, and sometimes, I need to remember to give it to you too. I was completely out of line for how I acted that night, and I am sorry, so please forgive me," Alexia pleaded with you. She held you in the hug to keep you from seeing her cry, but you could feel the tears begin to soak through the collar of the shirt you were wearing.

"Of course I forgive you, Ale," you told her. Alexia's body sagged down a bit as she relaxed in your arms. "Can we go inside now please?"

Alexia nodded as she wrapped her arm around your waist. You let her stay tucked against you as the two of you went inside. Alexia only let go of you once you were inside to go back out and grab your bag for you. You went straight into the bedroom to shower and change into clothes that were actually yours as Alexia started a load of laundry and called to order lunch for the two of you.

"I know that we kind of made up already, and I do not want to upset you, but I think we need to talk about what happened. Could we try to do that in a calm manner?" Alexia asked you. You nodded as you made room for her to sit with you on the bed. You knew that Alexia really didn't want to fight because she had brought the takeout to you instead of leaving it in the living room for later. "Will you please go first? I'd like to know what exactly happened that upset you so much."

"You embarrassed me in front of everybody. It's hard enough for the team to see me as my own person. I've been Marta's baby sister, then I was your girlfriend, and right when I started to feel like me, you showed everybody different," you told her. Alexia's face softened as she listened to you explain your feelings. She had never really thought about things like that before. You had always just been (Y/n) to her, but as she thought about it, the more she realized that she saw many people refer to you in regards to someone else.

"Yes, you're Marta's sister and my girlfriend, but that's not all you are. It isn't anybody else's fault that the world doesn't understand your value. I forget that not everybody knows you like I do, so I am sorry for stepping in the way I did. You know how I get, but if you're willing to be patient, I will work on being better," Alexia promised you. There was never going to be a world where you wouldn't give Alexia a second chance.

[loverafey]

first !   bsf!rafe x virgin f!reader

          ꕀ warnings - smut, lots of kissing, fingering, rafe's a softie and just so gentle with his best friend :( wc -  2.5k.

sitting beside rafe cozily while he was sprawled on his bed, scrolling away on his phone, your eyes read over the words printed on the book you were holding, a peaceful silence lingering in the air.

he had invited you over to spend the night, just a simple innocuous sleepover even, not admitting that he’d gotten a little bit too lonely in this house that was too big for a single person. sarah usually spent time with john b now, wheezie was away for a few weeks to spend time with their grandma while he was here handling all the work — maybe he should also buy a nice apartment for himself. maybe that’d be less lonely.

you were a bit too invested into the plot, some cheesy romance novel that you were somehow enjoying. cliches were not that bad sometimes, after all. you found yourself unconsciously smiling at all these events happening to the protagonist, a foreign ache blooming in your chest. envy? or perhaps just mere curiousity, you’ve never had a decent experience with dating, after all.

not even a first kiss, and it embarrassed you greatly.

almost everyone you knew was either already dating or experienced in this field, and no matter how much you tried to hide your lack of knowledge, it was clearly obvious. you weren’t innocent by all means, the book in your hands was evidence enough, the scenes already accelerating to something more heated. though reading such things sometimes felt like a self sabotaging method because it always left you craving something similar.

your eyes drifted over to rafe, watching the neutral expression adorning his face, one arm folded under his head while his other hand held his phone, scrolling through whatever. you couldn’t help but take advantage of the fact that he was not looking at you, admiring the way those plump lips of his were parted, his hair freshly shaved into a buzz cut. despite your initial shock when your best friend had revealed this new style of his to you cheekily, you loved this haircut on him a lot. everything looked good on him, though you’d rather not admit that to anyone, especially not him.

his eyes were half lidded, your heart skipping a beat as you watched him unconsciously lick his bottom lip, blood rushing to your cheeks, the book in your hand long forgotten. why was your body even reacting like this, so eager to memorise every inch of his face?

“staring a little bit too much, aren’t ya?” his calm voice broke you out of your trance, earning a soft gasp from you as you quickly looked away, the action of no avail. he’d already caught you.

“nope, just zoning out.” it was clear that you were lying. he noted how you were a little bit too squirmy, avoiding his eyes — flustered. he couldn’t help but feel a smirk rising on his lips, sitting up on his bed as he put his phone aside, all of his attention now pointed at you.

“you’re lying.” he scoffed, leaning forward.

silence once again fell within his bedroom, short yet tense. you could hear your heartbeat getting louder in your ears, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down.

“rafe, have you ever… kissed anyone?”

what a foolish question to ask, of course he had kissed many times, even you knew that, fumbling your words out in the spur of the moment. though the ways his eyes widened made you go still, realisation replacing the confusion on his face almost as quickly. he snorted, his head falling back as he nodded. “‘course i’ve kissed people. haven’t you seen me?” he asked, cockiness lacing his words.

you rolled your eyes, pursing your lips shut while trying to ignore the fact that you were a little bit too aware of the heat on your face, shrugging your shoulders. “i-it’s… it’s just…” fuck, you couldn’t believe you were actually doing this. “i haven’t… y’know.” you kept trailing off, looking anywhere and everywhere but at him.

he hummed knowingly, staring at you intently. he obviously knew that — definitely not because he always kept close tabs on you behind your back — always surprised that no one had kissed you or swept you off your feet yet. lucky him, he supposed, it was exactly what he’d wanted for a while now. “i know.”

“you do?” you gasped out, though he didn’t let you feel ashamed, his hands soon grasping yours, gently intertwining your fingers.

“i think everyone does.” he snickered, causing you to whine in protest, not even able to swat his shoulders gently since he was holding your hands. “but why’re you bringing it up, huh?” he feigned innocence.

he was so frustrating, obviously knowing that you wanted to try kissing him, especially due to the way your eyes kept trailing down onto his lips, your own lips parting slightly, as if wondering what it’d feel like to kiss him.

the thought of being your first kiss made his heart flutter in the best way possible, every little dream of his about you aching to come true. but still, it was funny to mess with you and watch you stutter while trying to not make a mess of yourself. you were just so damn adorable.

“i was wondering… if maybe we could try it.” you mumbled quietly.

“try what?”

only if you could punch him. “kissing…!” you squeaked out, already regretting your words. what if he’d reject you, never look at you the same again?

“should’ve said that sooner.” he whispered, making you realise just how close he was to you as he leaned forward, his hands pulling you in front of him, soon moving up to cup your face, the tender action making your fears melt away.

“want me to be your first kiss, baby?” his voice was more hoarse now, eyes glimmering with need as he stared down from your eyes to your lips, and then back up at your eyes that were staring at him so dreamily, feeling you nod hastily.

he soon closed the distance between you both, pressing his lips against yours. he was slow and gentle, not wanting to freak you out as you clumsily kissed him back, your fists bunching his shirt up as you clung onto him, feeling his head tilt slightly, his lips parting and moving against yours, swallowing up your surprised little noises.

it felt so good, better than you’d expected from all these novels that you’d been reading. his fingers were neatly tucked behind your ears, not minding that you were leaning forward obliviously, just wanting to be closer to him.

“c’mere.” he grunted against your mouth, that noise alone making your heart go all giddy as he pulled you up to sit on his lap, letting your hands leave his shirt as your arms wrapped around his neck, continuing to kiss him. you couldn’ believe you were kissing your best friend.

he reluctantly pulled away after a while, knowing that you had to catch your breath, eyes drinking in the sight of your panting softly, your lips all wet from the kiss. from the kiss he gave you. he found himself grinning like a fool, pressing a few more kisses on the side of your mouth, hearing you giggle.

“not too bad for a first kiss, yeah?” he asked, earning a hum from you as you snugly sat on his lap, feeling his hands hold onto your waist, fingers slipping sneakily inside your waist, rubbing your sides in light circular motions, just a shy away from the waistband of your shorts. you didn’t mind, staring at him with wide eyes, your breathing quickening at the feeling of his skin against yours.

“what’cha thinking about?” he asked, beginning to press light pecks on your jaw once he felt that you were comfortable enough.

your throat tightened momentarily, chewing on your bottom lip as you looked down, shaking your head, feeling your ears unbearably heat up once again. “nothing.” you whispered too quietly. he tsked, one hand reaching up to gently grab the side of your face, tilting your head towards his.

“just…” you cleared your throat. “just wanna do more.”

“more?”

“y’know what i mean!” this time, you did swat on his shoulders, causing him to chuckle as he nodded.

“mhm, i know. my baby wants more.” he felt your legs spreading a bit more by his hips, your body squirming on his lap. “ever touched yourself?” he asked, rendering you surprised by his rather crude question.

“yes. doesn’t feel really good… i suck at it.” you huffed, not wanting to give the details of how you awkwardly stuck your fingers inside you or tried to rub yourself, either going too fast or too slow, always failing to reach the peak.

“oh no.” he cooed mockingly, his hand gently resting on your stomach through your shirt, his eyes finding yours, softening up. you looked so shy when your confidence was all drained out, it made him want to kiss you all the more greedily. but not yet, that’d be too fast. “want me to make you feel good?” he asked, genuine.

your eyes widened, wondering if he was joking or not, though the way he was staring at you and touching you with so much care made you want to swoon, nodding after a few seconds.

“use your words, baby.”

“yes…” a smile found its way to your lips, his hands swift to shift you around so now you were in between his legs once he parted them, your back resting against his chest. you giggled, your thighs squeezing shut while he pressed soft kisses on the top of your head and then your nape, his hands gently roaming over your torso through the fabric of your shirts, caressing away through your breasts, causing your breath to hitch.

“lift your hips up, cutie.” he ordered, to which you eagerly obeyed by leaning up so he could tug your shorts down, groaning audibly at the sight of your panties. “fuck, always wanted to see you like this.” he confessed, taking down your panties too, putting the clothes aside, not letting you see that he snuck your panties into the pocket of his sweats.

“really?” you whimpered out, feeling his hands gently guiding your legs open, your back trying to lean more into his chest. his fingers snaked down, palming your pussy, your hips already twitching at the foreign touch.

“fuck, you’re so wet.” he couldn’t help but groan, pleased as his fingers swiped through your slicken folds, gathering some wetness. he was hard, his cock eager to jump out of his pants but that was a matter for later, some other day. today was all about you.

carefully, he begins to circle his fingers around your clit, feeling it pulsate due to his feather-like, almost teasing movements. you moaned out blissfully, eyes flying shut as he continued to rub your clit, your skin tingling at this newfound feeling.

“feels good?” he asked, earning a hum from you, his head resting on your shoulder, almost nuzzling against your cheek. his other hand went from gently caressing your thighs to in between your legs. “want my fingers in you too?”

“yes…” you mewled in ecstacy, lips parted in awe as your legs stayed spread, aching a bit though the pleasure coursing within you made it easy for you to ignore that. one hand focused on your clit while the other spread your folds apart, a finger teasing your tight hole, your hips trying to buck forward.

“so eager. all of this is f’me, yeah?” he was breathless, pressing hot open-mouthed kisses against your ear as you nodded, whining out something incomprehensible that seemed like a ‘yeah’.

his finger soon pushed into your pussy, feeling your squelchy walls squeeze around his digit eagerly. fuck, you were so tight, it made him want to stuff you full of his cock to see how prettily you’d stretch around him. he begin to gently move his finger around you, the other hand not ceasing its movements, fingers continuing to rub your clit.

“rafe… rafey!” you tilted your head, eagerly gasping out the nickname only you’d use on him, your lips trying to find his. he indulged, kissing your lips once again, sneaking in a second finger inside your pussy, beginning to thrust them in and out. his fingers were nicely long, reaching in and probing against your sweet spots that you had convinced yourself didn’t exist. it all felt so good, your wetness leaking onto his fingers and probably dirtying his sheets too, the pleasure from both the simultaneous rubbing of your clit and his fingers fucking your pussy made your body writhe, feeling all sensitive, getting closer to the edge embarrassingly quick.

every pretty noise you were making was muffled against his mouth, feeling all hot and needy, something building up in your stomach. “i-i think m’gonna cum.” you fumbled over your words after pulling away from the kiss.

“keep lookin’ at me.” his fingers continued to thrust in and out of your pussy at a steady pace while rubbing your wet throbbing clit, his hands a mess, eyes staying locked onto your glossy ones. your breathing quickened as you felt your peak approaching, crying out once you orgasmed, cumming all over his fingers, walls clenching around him impossibly tight as your body convulsed. his fingers didn’t stop rubbing your clit until you were a limp mess in his arms, panting softly, all warm and fuzzy.

he gently pulled his fingers out, proudly looking at them before moving his fingers to your mouth. “lick it f’me?” he asked softly, your brain melted into mush as you opened your mouth to suckle onto his fingers for a while until he pulled them out. comfortably sitting you up, he cradled your face and pressed a kiss on your nose, watching you smile doppily, just so happy.

“wanna get cleaned up?” he tilted his head, causing your brows to furrow.

“but… what about you?” you asked, looking down at the tent formed in his pants. his cheeks reddened at your observation, shaking his head as he nuzzled his nose against yours.

“don’t wanna go so fast on you and freak you out. someday later, okay?” truth was that he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself, claiming you as his as soon as he’d fuck you properly, letting his obsession unveil. he promised himself that he wouldn’t do that — not yet at least — wanting your first time to be gentle with him taking his time with you.

and you’d be looking forward to it.

[pink-vacancy]

Hi ^^

It’s me, the creator of some gifs you like and the creator of many gifs you could’ve probably lived without. A few people have asked me for a giffing tutorial recently so I have made one documenting my normal process! I’m going to gif this Aespa stage in this tutorial because I am still pretty bad at coloring stages. So come struggle along with me 🫶!

Step 1. Getting Sources & Vapoursynth

The worst enemy of the tumblr gifmaker is tumblr itself. You will spend your time making the clearest gif imagineable only for the blue site to reduce it to pixels. But alas, we must gif on. The best way to get good results is have a good source and to precompress your gif with vapoursynth.

As far as downloading from Youtube the best app to use is 4k Video Downloader. 4kVD let's you get download your file as a .mkv which is how youtube stores their 4k quality vids. Only limitation is on the free tier you get only 10 downloads. There are other more technically dubious methods to get 4kvids but I've literally never hit this limit.

10 out of 10 gifmakers agree if you want those good good crystal clear gifs you gotta stick with 4k or 1080p sources. Although if you are a complete sicko like me you can gif 720p and still get pretty good (not great) results.

So now you got your source video but you won't actually be able to open that bad boy up in PS yet. This is where the Vapoursynth step comes in. Vapoursynth will blast that footage into a nice denoised, sharpened and resized little baddie of a video clip for us.

To download VS and get a more in depth explanation of the exact steps on how to use it please reference this post. The basic steps of Vapooursynth are:

Drop your source video on the "vapourscript (drop a video file on me).bat" icon and type in the timestamps

Crop your gif to your liking (I do a lot of 540 x405 or 540x335 for horizontal gifs. 268x480 for vertical.)

Apply the sharpness and denoise (these are the options I use):

copy the code from the white box and paste it into the script like below

I set my denoiser to 1.5 and my sharpening to .5. (I stole this from @hyeongseo lol)

Go to Script > Encode Video. Make sure on this screen to name your file and set the header option to 'Y4M'. (Sometimes this is the step where it crashes and all your dreams are ruined because it can't convert it unfortunately. But 99% of videos are good lol)

You will find your Photoshop ready clip in gifs/output

Step 2. Photoshop

You are now good to open up your clip in Photoshop.

if we export our gif at this moment it will look like this:

Which isn't too bad. They just are pretty washed out and a lot of times at this step you'll see a lot of grain.

Sharpening (again lol) and Noise:

This might sound weird cause we just denoised lmao but stick with me.

We are going to convert our clip to a smart object. If you want to slow down or speed up your clip make sure to do so before converting.

(Often times if i have 60fps clip I put it at half speed, but if the action of the gif is really jerky or flashy at 30fps a lot of times I'll set it to 85% speed)

Convert your video to a smart object by right clicking it in the layers panel and selecting the "Convert to Smart Object" option

Create a copy of layer 1 and arrange it so it is aligned perfectly on top of the first video in the timeline. You have to drag it outside of the video group to do this. It should look like this once you are done:

On the bottom clip (layer 1), select filters -> sharpen -> smart sharpen. Apply the filter with these settings:

Then on the same clip (layer 1) apply the same smart sharpen filter with these settings

Setting up the Sharpness like this makes sure the finer details with stand out with crisp lines in the final product. (Look at how the mesh on her arms is in finer detail now)

Your video might look a little crispy at this point and that is ok cause we are going to soften that.

Now on our top video layer (layer 1 copy) select filters -> Blur -> Gaussian Blur. Use this setting:

Finally apply filters-> Noise -> Add Noise to layer 1 copy with these settings

"Vacancy what the hell? It looks like shit now."

Yeah... But now we'll put layer 1 copy at 25% opacity and it will look less like the shit that it does look like right now I prommy. Here is the current output:

The idea behind all this blurring and adding noise is that it will help create smoother transitions between the colors of the gif and reduce large blotchy bands of pixels that can sometimes show up

PLEASE!!! Save your current step as a PSD file. You can skip having to apply all those filters and just drag the filter groups on to the layers after the smart object conversion step.

Step 3. Coloring

Now to the fun part! There is a lot of trial and error in this step since we only have 256 colors to play with.

Typically my goals for this step are:

Raise the black point (Make Giselle's outfit in this gif black so more color can be used on her hair, skin and the background.)

Reduce the overall contrast of the gif. (Darken the lightest lights if possible)

Saturate the colors enough so they stand out but not so much that everything looks gross.

Depending on how we do these steps we may need to subtract frames from the gif. (Which I hope not cause there is exactly 69 frames in the current version lol)

Here is an example of what my coloring difference can look like:

In this case the colored gif is actually smaller because I elminated a lot of the dark greys in the background.

Vacancy's Dumbass Original Recipe thing

This is probably the only thing different that I do from most creators

My first adjustment layer is usually a gradient map. The green and red one to be more specific.

I then change the blend mode to luminosity and set the opacity somewhere between 12 and 20% (Usually 15%).

This step brings all our shades closer together so we have more freedom with coloring later. Also when idols are very white wash this seems to bring out the shadows and skin tone better in later steps as well. If you overdo it though the person in the gif can wind up looking very orange or yellow so less is sometimes more here.

There's also probably a better way to achieve this but you know... oh well

My Other adjusment layers usually consist of:

Levels: With the gradient map applied you can darken the blackpoint of your gif pretty significantly.

Selective Color: This is the most useful adjustment layer. Make sure to expirement with adding to the black slider on the blacks and neutrals color options. Often times kpop vids are over exposed and darkening this can bring out a lot of unseen color.

Hue/Saturation: I use this layer to darken the blues of the background with the lightness slider as well. You can adjust individual colors with this layer and with selective color and that is a very powerful tool for coloring.

Start:

Finish:

Because I darkened the gif so much I was able to add around 6 frames!

Though I’m not 100% satisfied with this gif, this would be my process from the start. You can put those adjustment layers all in a group and save it to the psd as well to skip all the steps to apply them. I used all the same adjustment layers for the header gif of this post as well which saved me a lot of time ^^!

Since every video is different you usually have to play around with the sliders a lot between clips.

Step 4. It Flops…

Jk jk but it does happen a lot tho on this site so don’t get discouraged ☺️

Parting Notes

If you want a really nicely colored fancam to practice on I would see if MIRAI on YouTube has a fancam of your fave idol. Their videos are really nicely color balanced from the start where stages like this tend to be very bright.

I’ll probably make a follow up post with more coloring tips and my thought processes while making gifs but this is the very basics to making hq gifs hope you learned a lot.

You can always hit my dms or inbox with questions if you have them ^^!

[dropoutconfessions]

Going into FHJY I had assumed Kristen (and by extension Ally) was going to be a very hard to watch character that ONLY acted selfishly and impulsively based on the multiple posts I had seen on tumblr basically saying as much.

Imagine my surprise when I realize that Ally plays Kristen in a manner that acknowledges that she requires a lot of growth and development AND recognizes she is supposed to be 17. The decisions made seemed completely in line for the character and the development was far greater than I would expect to see from teenagers in real life (having been a teenager and also working with them…very stubborn crowd).

What I think has happened is that many of y’all expected for Kristen to change from an impulsive, judgey teenager to a mature, well-rounded adult in the course of a year. When reality is often that teenagers are wishy-washy and might taken five steps forward and three steps back. Ally plays Kristen very intentionally, even the chaotic moments. And those chaotic moments are met with a significantly more grounded and realistic sense compared to Sophmore year.

—

Also, while this confession wasn’t a response to another confession…the shoe fits, being upset that Kristen/other players did not trust Kalina is so incredibly illogical to me.

First, in what world do you just forgive and become buddy-buddy with someone that tormented you and your friends for days (months even for some or you) and promised to kill you every time you took another step closer to solving the mystery. I need y’all to like really sit down and think if you would forgive someone who made your life a living hell, killed at least one of your parents (or your friends parents), and wanted you dead. Regardless of whether or not she’s supposed to reflect Cassandra why would they trust her?

Second, the players (and subsequently the characters) operate on the information they have (that’s is whatever they learn from Brennan before, during, or after the session). They will operate based on that information. This is how DND works. If the players know that a character has a violent past that involves the murder/attempted murder of their parent/friend’s parent and are being f told said character is reformed (but gets zero real opportunity to actually gauge it for themselves outside of vague clues) they are going to act in accordance with that knowledge.

Just because you the viewer have come to the conclusion that Kalina was meant to be good and reformed (there’s some irony there that Kalina gets to be reformed without any work and Kristen doesn’t) does not mean the players will. If you’re not at the table you don’t get to call the shots.

Also who’s to say Kalina is actually evil. Maybe she’s still rage starred. Maybe she has other plans going on. Maybe she felt bad for Buddy. It was never confirmed. Fantasy High has been the one series that’s pretty consistently said, “don’t trust everything you hear or see”.

—

Last part of the rant, a final response to that other confession about Kristen.

Why shouldn’t she judge a god that let her die on the first day of school? Why couldn’t he answer her question honestly? Why would she feel any care or love towards an idol that has only represented suppression and pain for her? Why should she be kind to the symbol of a religion built on lies, hypocrisy, hatred, and death? So what if he’s a little nice. Is being nice going to keep you alive?

-

[animezinglife]

@goforth-ladymidnight, I recently read one that was excessively Fae in nature called The Thorns Remain.

It's a slower-paced story and won't be for everyone, but if you want the true tricksters, weird magic, mind games, and riddled speech, that might be a good option. J.J.A. Harwood is the author. The Fae isn't necessarily a love interest, but the situation is...sadistically intriguing.

I've never understood why SJM doesn't lean more into iron. It would even the playing field and raise stakes quite a bit more in general, and it would add intensity and depth to the fact Elain wears an iron engagement ring.

I obviously don't want anything to happen to Rhys and consider his and Feyre's story to be wrapped up with a nice little bow on top, but how interesting could that have been to have the "most powerful High Lord in history" at risk of being taken out by something that's so prevalent in his mate's/wife's world?

What about ballistas and "modern" war equipment from the human world being heavily armed and guarded with iron?

Maybe that could be a wicked advantage of Autumn: their fire burns so hot (so fast) that it poses a massive risk to the integrity of these arms. Or Winter, perhaps, could throw enough ice around the iron to either cease its function altogether or defend against iron's effects.

The biggest problem in my opinion with the series is we have no worldbuilding or grounding whatsoever. We've been in Night for how many years and still have no sense of what technologies they have or don't have (Toilets? Electricity? I'm so confused), modern clubbing mixed in with this all somehow, and fashion could either be something very Fae or a sweater and leggings from 2006.

Anything goes in fantasy, but only if you keep it consistent and ground it.

My biggest issue above all else with the Fae?

With the exception of Lucien, Eris, and perhaps Helion, none of them seem smarter than humans. I don't know if their brains just develop much more slowly or what (which, again, would be a contradiction given how young Lucien is for their world), but it's a little concerning.

My continuous complaint about ACOTAR and SJM in general is that she never rolls up her sleeves and digs deep. She doesn't get her hands dirty, and everything stays at a surface level.

Instead of ancient bad blood, political intrigue, and trickery among rivaling courts, I feel like I'm reading a Real Housewives recap.

Instead of having any sense of the very real (I'm assuming) turmoil within the Night Court between Illyrian dissenters, the Court of Nightmares, and Velaris, we get, "Yeah, growth takes time and we'll throw Azriel/Cassian/etc. at it and see if that works." Velaris is great for the people living in it.

Is life great for the lesser Fae living in the CoN? Illyrian women? Young males pushed a little too far? It IS realistic that Rhys wouldn't be able to solve every issue---it's one of his wiser moments to recognize that and not push too hard---yet I also wish there was more on this.

That, and the fact that we're supposed to assume these centuries-old Fae are A-okay with a human woman born yesterday now being their High Lady.

If we brought in more worldbuilding with the tensions between humans and Fae, the threat of iron, faebane, etc., then that could add some interesting, complicated layers.

You truly cannot compare the two, but if you value depth and were to read both The War of Lost Hearts and ACOTAR...there is absolutely no comparison.

You're emotionally exhausted and fulfilled throughout the former for good reason, and you have a nearly perfect sense of what their world looks like, the powers at play, and even worse, you're attached to most of them. There are no saints in that series, and even the more clear-cut heroes face significant, meaningful, grounded backlash.

That series also has Fae, though they're not your traditional sorts either. They're more warlike and hardened.

Sorry this is a long post, I had to rant a bit.

The thing that bothers me the most about the ACOTAR series is the fae. I love fae, I love stories with fae in them, there are so many interesting things you can do with them. So many ways you can make them unique and yet still retain the basis of what fae are. And yet Sarah J Maas just... doesn't.

SJM really just took everything interesting about the fae and threw it in the bin. The fae to me have always been fantastical, "other", they just don't feel human, they feel different, they feel strange. But ACOTAR's fae are just so bland and boring. They don't feel different to the humans. In fact they feel like humans but with magic and pointy ears. It genuinely pains me how SJM threw everything interesting about the fae away.

I personally love the concept of the fae not being able to lie. There is so much fun and interest in that concept. It is something that is challenging to navigate. Every fae character cannot directly tell a lie therefore you have to get creative with what they say, you have to twist words around so that they can lie without actually lying.

That idea is initially presented to us but Feyre learns pretty early on that that isn't true. That the fae in ACOTAR can lie. Even if SJM wanted to take away the concept that fae can't lie, she didn't even play around with Feyre's misconception about them. Feyre could've gone through part of the first book believing everything that the fae said to her to be true. To me, that sounds like an interesting concept and i would've loved to read about it. I can't remember exactly how quickly Feyre is told the fae can lie but it's not even slightly an issue.

Another thing about the fae is that they're mischievous. They love playing tricks, whether it's something mild or completely cruel. But ACOTAR's characters lack that mischievousness, the cunning. They aren't tricksters like fae usually are. Correct me if I'm wrong but I can't seem to remember a time when someone attempted to trick Feyre. Amarantha made a deal with Feyre, but it was straightforward, there was no trick to it. Rhysand didn't trick her into the bargain either. It would've been interesting to see the fae attempting to trick Feyre, to get her to enter into a bargain that seems good but they worded it in a way that it is actually bad.

Instead the ACOTAR characters, specifically the males, are all presented as your typical "alpha male". Rhysand is presented to us as cunning but to me he doesn't feel like that of a cunning fae but a cunning human. Tamlin can literally shapeshift and yet SJM doesn't do anything of interest with that. Luicen was slightly mischievous in Book 1 but even then it is how you expect any normal character to be, he does not play tricks like that of the fae. I might be nitpicking with these but i truly wish we had gotten more trickster like characters.

As much as everyone likes to hate on Book 1, there were interesting fae in that book. The Bogge, the Naga, the Puca (I suppose this one did trick Feyre), the Suriel. Alis was interesting, she was described as having bark like skin. I want more diversity in the characters looks. Our main cast and most of the major side characters all look normal, human but with pointy ears or wings.

Their appearance isn't necessarily the issue. It's the fact that the fae are meant to be seen as difderent to the humans and yet they barely are.

So many interesting things about the Fae, from their behaviour to their culture and magic and rituals, all the funky little things humans do to ward off or stop the fae, down the drain. And if I'm being completely honest, I believe SJM isn't a competent enough writer to pull off the complexities that make the fae, fae. It feels almost disrespectful to call these characters fae.

(I am no expert in fae mythology. But from all that I've seen and read, these characters just aren't it.)

[writtenjewels]

Voice Part 4

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Salim's first date since Maysa left him did not go very well. Leon still didn't laugh at any of his jokes, and the two ended up having nothing to talk about for the duration. When Salim tried calling the next guy, all he got was the voice mail. He left a message and waited two days before realizing the man wasn't going to call back. The incident was so embarrassing that by the time Salim plucked up the nerve to call the third guy, he found the man was already dating someone. He wasn't even sure it was worth calling the fourth guy.

That was when he got a text: 'Is this Salim? This is Ethan from the mixer.'

'Yes,' Salim typed back. 'I remember you.'

'I was wondering if you were busy this Friday,' Ethan sent back. 'My brother-in-law is having this art gallery show. Be nice to have some company.'

'I would love to go,' Salim responded. Even if this ended up going badly, he would at least get to enjoy some art. The two continued texting back and forth until they agreed on a time and place to meet. Salim was feeling optimistic when they closed the conversation.

On Friday, Salim met Ethan at a restaurant so they could eat before the show. Ethan wore a dark brown blazer and dress slacks, the ensemble simple but striking. His hair was a light brown, almost red in certain lighting, and he wore it almost to his chin. Salim noted earrings framing the man's entire left ear.

“You weren't wearing those at the mixer,” Salim noted.

“I don't wear them all the time.”

“Too bad,” Salim hummed. Ethan caught his eye and smiled. Salim returned the look. The night was going well.

He mostly stuck by Ethan's side during the show. Many of the art pieces were good, some he didn't fully understand but appreciated the skill of the artist, and some were so beyond him that he was lost on how it was considered art. Ethan was equally uninformed, but he made up plenty of art facts that at least kept things entertaining throughout the night. The two walked back to Salim's car together.

“Thanks for coming,” Ethan said. “I had a lot more fun with you here.”

“I had fun, too,” Salim agreed. He took a breath and asked: “Would you like to do something again?”

“Absolutely.” Ethan's face broke out in a grin. “I'd like that a lot. How about Tuesday?”

“Yes, okay, Tuesday,” Salim nodded.

Ethan leaned forward. Salim realized what was about to happen moments before it did. His hand was halfway to stopping Ethan when the kiss came. It was light and sweet, lasting only a few seconds before it broke. Ethan didn't seem to notice that Salim hadn't kissed back. They exchanged good-nights and Salim drove home.

He brewed a cup of tea to wind down when he got home. He was still trying to figure out how he felt about the kiss. It wasn't unpleasant, but he wasn't very excited about it, either. He reminded himself that this was just a first date, that he and Ethan were getting to know each other. But a part of him couldn't help thinking of the other three names already on the rejection pile.

Salim readied himself for bed, still feeling glum. His eyes drifted to the player. He hadn't listened to the tape since he started trying to date. He was convinced the voice was unhappy about him dating and didn't want to upset it any farther. He sighed; he could really use a friendly voice right now. Salim pressed play.

“Holy shit, there you are!” the voice burst out, startling him. “Are you okay? Were you hurt?”

“No, I...” Guilt gnawed at him. The voice sounded so worried, almost panicked. “I'm all right. I've just been busy.”

“Jesus Christ, don't scare me like that. I thought something happened to you!”

“I suppose you could say something did happen.” Salim sat on the edge of his bed, gripping it to brace himself. “I went on a date, and he kissed me.” There was silence for so long Salim got off his bed and checked to make sure the player was still running. “Hello?” Salim prompted.

“Yeah.” The voice was back to a more flat tone. “I hear ya.”

“I was wondering if that's normal, to kiss on a first date.” Salim thought he would feel embarrassed talking about his lack of experience, but he didn't. Maybe because it was just a voice, or maybe because it was this voice in particular.

“It happens, I guess. There ain't no hard and fast rule for it. If you both feel a spark, you should go for it.”

Did Ethan feel a spark? Salim hadn't sensed that. No wonder he didn't enjoy the kiss as much. “I see,” he said out loud. “Thank you. I promise I won't worry you like that again.”

“Good to hear.” There was a short silence. “So, you need a massage tonight?”

“No, thank you, my friend. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh. Huh.” The voice sounded surprised. “I'm here,” the voice told him. “You can talk to me whenever.”

“Thank you.” Salim got under the covers. “Good night,” he added.

“Night, Salim.”

In his dream he was back at the mixer. Faces floated in and out of focus. There was one guy at a table trying to catch his eye. When Salim drew closer, he saw the man was wearing a gray baseball cap. His face was pale, making the freckles on his cheeks easy to spot. He had pleasant, angular features. The more Salim stared at him, the more he felt he already knew this person. It was the logic of dreamland.

“Hello,” Salim greeted. He read the man's name-tag out loud: “Jason.” The man responded by tipping the brim of his hat. It was a charming gesture, reminding Salim of Westerns. “Oh, are you a cowboy?” Salim teased him.

Jason's dark brown eyes sparked in amusement. He made a few hand gestures that dreamland helped interpret: [I forgot my ten-gallon hat at home.]

“At least you went for the next best thing. Cowboys and baseball. You can't be more American if you tried.”

[You want to bet?] Jason pointed to his arm where there was a tattoo of an eagle. Salim laughed at that and Jason's smile grew bigger.

Their eyes met for a moment. Salim's heart skipped. He liked this man a lot already.

And when he woke up, Salim was sad to see the man go.

[im-still-watching-anime]

one piece is fun to watch because like every time something new happens it’s like wtf???? how have i never heard about that????? and it’s so wild PLUS i then get to go tell my sister about it so she can have the exact same mindfucked reaction secondhand through my retelling

[innocentcurse]

Corey couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face when Copper mentioned how the clothes he’d chosen made him feel. The way Copper looked at him, so genuine and with that warmth behind his words, made him feel like he was something special, something worth noticing. Corey was so used to people treating him in a polar opposite fashion; it wasn't that he had had a lot of bad experiences in Cardinal Hill, but his experiences prior to finding himself there had shaped him into the insecure person that he was inside. They were experiences that he couldn't quite shake. He chuckled softly, feeling his heart do a little flip at the compliment. “Well, you’ve certainly got me beat. I’m just trying not to be a mess tonight," his fingers lightly brushed over his maroon sweater, as if he could somehow feel the weight of Copper’s gaze on him. It felt nice.

The moment Copper’s hand brushed against his thigh in the car, Corey felt a little jolt of energy shoot through him. The contact was so natural, so easy, that he couldn’t help but lean into it slightly, appreciating the warmth Copper’s touch provided. But the admission that Copper had been thinking about him too… that felt like something more. A little surge of nervous excitement bubbled up inside Corey, but he pushed it down, keeping his tone light. He glanced over at Copper, his grin wide. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything magical," he joked, knowing confidently that he hadn't - not even believing himself capable of such magic, despite the existence of his powers. "But the way you make me feel? That's pretty magical, yeah," he nodded, mostly to himself.

When they got to the costume shop and Corey found himself laughing along with Copper’s playful suggestions, he didn’t want it to stop. The moment he stepped into that cupid costume, and Copper’s eyes lit up at him, his heart gave an involuntary thud. He wasn’t used to being looked at like that, but somehow, with Copper, it felt right. He rolled his eyes at the comment about the costume, but Copper’s genuine praise made him feel more at ease than he ever expected. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you just wanted to see me in something skimpy,” Corey teased lightly, his own voice just a little bit breathless as he tried to push through his bashfully to make the jokes that he almost always did when confronted with other emotions - both good and bad, though he couldn't say that there was many bad feelings to be felt in that moment, with that company.

By the time they were leaving the store, Corey’s mind was buzzing with energy, but not the usual kind of anxious, wound-up energy he was familiar with. This was different, this felt… light. Fun. Free. As Copper invited him to his place, Corey paused for just a second, his heart doing a little flip again. God, Copper had a real effect on Corey's heart. It was tempting, more tempting than anything he’d felt in a long time. He thought about how easy it had been with Copper, how effortlessly they seemed to click. It wasn’t just the night out, it was something more, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like this.

“Yeah,” Corey answered, his voice a little softer now, his smile more genuine. “I’d like that.” He glanced over at Copper, meeting his eyes. “I’m glad you had a good time, I definitely did.” As Copper’s hand found its way back to his thigh, Corey once again didn’t pull away. Instead, he let himself enjoy the warmth of the contact, the way it seemed to settle the nerves in his chest. Tonight felt like the beginning of something, something good, and maybe - just maybe - he was ready to see where it went.

When he felt Corey's arms around him, Copper noticed the way he hugged, the tightness to it, and it felt a little like Corey really needed this hug. And frankly Copper needed it too, so he hugged Corey just as tightly in return, though there was tenderness to his embrace to. Even though they had only had one in person interaction so far, Copper felt a strange connection with Corey, had from the moment they started talking at the grocery store. It felt like he knew the man already, and Copper got the impression that maybe life hadn't been so kind to him (or maybe that was just his abilities doing the work of observation for him). Either way, Copper already felt strangely protective of his new friend, which he knew was kind of weird given the fact that they had just met. So he hugged his friend, one hand moving to brush against the ends of Corey's hair; it was so soft, just like Copper knew it would be. He found himself longing to run his fingers through it.

Smiling at Corey's compliment, Copper looked down at his clothing, shrugging a bit. "I kind of didn't know what to wear," he admitted, a huge smile on his face as he met Corey's eyes again. "I realized after I chose this that I kind of picked something that represents how you make me feel in a weird sort of way. Just like...comfortable and soft." Looking at what Corey was wearing, Copper reached out and touched his chest under the guise of feeling his sweater. "This looks so good on you." Seriously, Corey was one of the handsomest men Copper had ever seen; he couldn't get over just how attractive the man was. But even thinking that gave Copper a weird sort of guilty feeling, and while he knew where that was coming from, he very quickly pushed it back down; that was the last thing he wanted to feel tonight with Corey.

Copper raised his eyebrows at Corey's remark as they drove, but he smiled too. His surprise wasn't just that Corey felt that way but that he had said it out loud; he thought it had probably taken some courage on the other man's part. "Really?" he asked, turning to Corey, beaming at him. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about your either." There it was, that guilty feeling again, but Copper had gotten so good at compartmentalizing things, putting his emotions into a box to feel later, and he did that now. "You know, when I saw you, I was immediately enthralled," Copper admitted, and he reached out to gently rest his hand on Corey's thigh as he drove, though he didn't let the gesture feel dirty. There was just something about Corey that made him feel affectionate. "If I didn't know any better, I would have thought you put a spell on me." And then realizing how that might sound given that they were in a town full of witches, Copper clarified, "Not that I think you did. I just mean you've got like...this magical quality about you." Already he could tell that Corey was special. "I'm glad we're doing this too."

They arrived at the costume shop, and they proceeded to look at various costumes and accessories and the like. The entire time, everything felt so easy and fun, and Corey just brought out this lightness in Copper, something he'd hadn't realized he was missing until now. While he often acted carefree, the truth was that he often felt like his life was so heavy. But in the costume shop with Corey, Copper just felt weightless, and he didn't want that feeling to go away. Corey tried on various costumes, Copper giving his honest opinion that the man looked amazing in everything. And yes, admittedly Copper did choose a costume or two for Corey to try on that showed a little bit of skin, though not so much that Corey would feel uncomfortable. In particular, Copper was taken by the sight of Corey in a cupid costume that was basically just a toga with heart accessories, and Copper walked up to Corey when he tried it on and said, "This looks so good on you." He reached out to touch the costume, his fingers brushing against the pair part of Corey's chest and shoulder that were exposed on the one side. As he did so, Copper locked eyes with Corey, their faces close. Yeah, there was serious heat between them, that was for sure. Throughout the evening, Copper kept finding excuses to touch Corey.

While Corey didn't choose the cupid costume, the outing was overall a success. Not only had Corey found a costume, the two men had had a lot of fun, and Copper didn't want it to end. "You know, it's still kind of early," Copper said as they headed out of the store. "Do you want to come to my place for a little while?" He hoped he would; Copper wasn't ready for this to be over. Once they were in his car, Copper told Corey, "You know...I've had a really great time with you tonight." And then he started his car and headed off, resting his hand again on Corey's thigh; it just felt comfortable to do so.

[eyestrain-addict]

I wish we had gotten to see more domestic moments between Louis and Lestat. Ik they aren't 'important' to the overall story but it's just like... pls.

What's worse is when we get Claudia's POV in ep 4 we actually see the outskirts of some domestic moments between them -when louis tells her no running in the house he and lestat are sitting on the couch together calmly talking, on her 17th birthday we see them singing happy birthday and then dancing together in the courtyard- so we KNOW these moments are happening, we just don't get to see them because Louis is to preoccupied with the pain. Which, fair, but still I wanna see them doing stuff together without the curtain of pain

[gemharvest]

Need to get on top of whatever dumb fucking inferiority complex I got going on I'm tired of looking at everything about myself and going "Wow I am really sub-par." I know it's 2am but this isn't the midnight thoughts talking this is a fucking persistent curse throughout my day.

[adore-gregor]

ugh there it goes

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm pretty sure at this point the person that has appeared the most in my dreams/nightmares (apart from people I actually know/used to know in real life) is Jarvis Johnson. it happens a lot, he'll just randomly show up all the time. like last night he was in a (particularly gruesome and unpleasant) nightmare that I had. didn't make any sense but it was nice to get a break for a second :)

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

[pochapal]

trying not to start #discourse over here BUT it needs to be said that i am fascinated by the depths of the average tumblr user's addiction to suffering. go into the notes of any semi-viral positivity/mental health post and it's literally crawling with people going "nice sentiment but it's meaningless against capitalism/trauma/disability/systemic cruelty/the Horrors so fuck you for peddling this delusional bullshit". like yeah bitch the Horrors *are* inescapable! why does that mean you have to be miserable 24/7 about it though??