#the gates of paranoia
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Absolute Heaven
The Cross
The sin is not a matter of if, but when Blood will return to my shackled hands, The stains of decrying the wicked in power - But who will listen to the whispers of a phantom? I am in absolute heaven when I forget that I live. Oh, father of angels, if I'll be your bringer of death, Will the people stop burning my sisters?
The Sword
The trigger is not a matter of minutes, But an accumulation of evils, A number of fissures that spark eruptions I fear the noise, but not the destruction - The hilt is my body, the blade my intention I may wander with both the saint and demon, But I am terrified of the malcontent human
The Shield
I pray not to be forced from my altar, My modest, post-apocalypse cathedral, Yet disconnecting may not save me... I am in heaven, for I got what I wanted But I am in hell because I'll never escape it - Where is there to turn in war, my angel dear? Tell me, would you take me to the kingdom?
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[Poem from upcoming collection The Gates of Paranoia] Copyright © 2016-2023 S.M. | Samael’s Tuesday
#the gates of paranoia#dark poetry#poets on tumblr#poetry#cw dark content#free verse#indie books#original poem#horror poetry#occult horror
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The desire to draw these two again but without the motivation to make something more than one of these little charts (oops)
Thank you Valc0 for making the sheet!
#I still need to play the epilogue#and draw things from the epilogue#and anSWER SOME OF THE QUESTIONS IN MY INBOX BAREEE IF YOU'RE READING THIS I'LL GET TO IT I PROMISE#IF YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU ASKED THE SHORT ANSWER IS YES THE LONG ANSWER IS IT'S COMPLICATED haha#& then also make fanart of other tavs I've got a backlog of inspiration but commissions and the elden ring DLC are just RIGHT in front of m#What else can I ramble about in here#The way I had to look up all the stupid woods around Baldur's Gate#once again my paranoia that I'll Get Lore Wrong bc I'm invested but not THAT invested lol#They lived in Baldur's Gate for a few years then moved back out to the Cloak Wood that's my headcanon for that#I think these two also have a lot of common interests but they were all too abstract or wordy to put here#like falling asleep on the balcony#or listening to the sounds of the sea#I saw a lot of other people list Gale as lawful pre-game and I'm.....skeptical haha#ok sorry I'm done have a lovely day!#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 tav#bg3 otp#valc0#bg3 croissant#gale#gale dekarios#breadweave
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While we are on the topic of Minthara kisses, there is something that I really need to remind everyone of: she is the only one of the romance companions who hugs you in her kisses.
On the surface, Minthara does kinda seem like the last person who would ever engage in a hug. I don't remember where I came across it, but I remember watching a TV show in which a character expresses dislike for hugs as it is a sign that someone is hiding their true intentions and emotions from you. I feel, to a degree, Minthara would feel the same way. And hugs are the perfect opportunity for a backstabbing as you cannot see the persons hands once they are behind you. So, Minthara would naturally shy away from a hug.
Minthara is also someone who really has a hard time just telling you how she feels, thanks to the centuries of cultural burden in regards to being emotionally expressive. There was once a point in her life in which she had to keep her more vulnerable emotions to herself (especially things like love) as it may be used against her. Instead, Minthara shows you how she feels. The fact that Minthara initiates the hug and embraces you is her telling you that she trusts you with her life. Not only does she trust that you would not backstab her or betray her, but she is actively combating a centuries long fear that her open affections for you won't be used against her. She knows that she cannot say she loves you, but she wants you and needs you to know that she does.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#i may be biased when i say that minthara has the best kisses#but minthara has the best kisses#the only contender is the one with karlach where you kiss her all over the face (and she deserves all those face kissies)#minthara also has a constant paranoia of the other companions and she still chooses to kiss you and be affectionate in front of them#because you make her feel safe enough to do so#there is so much fear and vulnerability that she is actively combating just to show you she loves you
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Here’s the part 2 to this question: https://www.tumblr.com/giveamadeuschohisownmovie/735554272955105280/this-is-sort-of-a-part-two-to-my-previous
#tumblr polls#tokyo ghoul#steins;gate#death parade#psycho pass#attack on titan#neon genesis evangelion#chainsaw man#the promised neverland#made in abyss#paranoia agent#elfen lied#future diary#anime#anime series#anime question#dark anime#anime thoughts#manga#anime fandom
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zeke’s reputation as a detective went completely down the drain as of bg3 btw. even several years before that. not because he was shit at his job, he was an ace detective and solved every case without fail, but a mix of gortash’s influence/manipulation and zeke’s obsession taking over everything changed his very positive reputation for the worse. zeke also regularly started attacking clients he suspected of secretly working for gortash in paranoid breakdowns, which is of course also absolutely intended by gortash.
#to be fair to zeke gortash did actually send people to him to pose as clients his paranoia definitely isn’t that unfounded lol#enver gortash#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#gortash#gortash & zeke
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I don't know what's scarier. That I'm 99% sure that this is Orin or that she's bugging out and checking my money?
#Okay I know I'm being paranoid but is it really paranoia if they're really after you#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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Me and my goth girlfriend getting ready to beat the shit out of the cults that made us who we are
#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#Durge!Astarion is SOOOOO he is SOOOOO I've altered his lore SO MUCH today#I mean not THAT much I merely made him begin spiralling into madness at the very start of act 3 instead of a ways in#because with how my game is going literally EVERYTHING is happening right in sequence of each other per long rest#if he had trouble keeping up the foppish mask in act 2 it got completely obliterated in act 3 and now he's just a prey animal#in terms of aggressive paranoia at least#now it's Shart's turn to be there to help him and gently shoo him away from violent cult power#god I wanna ramble all about this AU SO BAD but these tags are spoilery enough even without saying much of anything
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I was watching the silhouettes of trees in the dark outside my window and without my glasses on I started questioning if their movement was my eyes or the wind. for a moment there it kind of felt like I was 5 again just watching outside to make sure the sounds I was hearing were just animals.
#though i think the height of my standard childhood paranoia was when something kept slamming into my window in the middle of the night#also maybe whatever the fuck was making a crying noise while fucking with the gate to my yard#idk man im just a guy who is tired as shit#genuinely just throw me into a void at this point#going through my backlog of drafts again lmao
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Gunpowder Phantom
I only love you when it triggers a massacre, A regular parade through the inner mantle Our guns will set our old phantoms aflame, For I am sick of these ghosts bleeding on me Noises, noises that rupture my ears Until my heart is no more than infernal - You must be aware that I'm not interested In what you want but where you'll take me - To the future where we conquer the android!
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[Poem from upcoming collection The Gates of Paranoia] Copyright © 2016-2023 S.M. | Samael’s Tuesday
#the gates of paranoia#dark poetry#poetry#indie books#free verse#horror#horror poetry#original poem#poets on tumblr
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All things considered we're doin pretty ok, money things are in order, we're goin to therapy, we've got the workshop two times a week, we're actually workin on gettin better
So why do I feel like we shoulda just let him lock us up so I'd have no chance to fuck everything up
#mafia honey#like come on there's literally no reason to think that#at least i'd never actually let it happen cause i know it'd break runaway n he's been through enough shit already#plus i mean he probably wouldn't do it anyway cause he doesn't wanna lose doll#i......do kinda wanna know if the place actually looks the way we imagine it or why we have such a clear picture in our mind#it's fucked up cause it looks so.....normal. could be just a regular one room flat someone lives in#aside from the cameras n the double door/gate n the lack of windows anyway#always w/ the fucking cameras#buuut idk where it is so i'd havta ask him to take me there n on the off chance he actually agreed#he'd 100% take it as an opportunity for some fucked up roleplay shit n i'm not tryin to do any of that nope tyvm#already have enough paranoia & intrusive thoughts without the extra fuel#all we can think about sometimes but i kinda feel actually seein the place wouldn't help w/ the obsession#knowing this brain it'd just make it worse#spdrvent
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I KEEP HEARING WEIRD NOISES IN OUR HOUSE AND NEIGHBORHOOD AT NIGHT FOR THE PAST MONTHS IM GETTING WAY TOO PARANOID STOOOOPPPP
#if you're in the city noise is normal#but we're rural and noises are not that normal okay#these are noises like. idk like#like something fell and made too much noise but you go looking around and all is fine and every one is asleep#like something blew up 3 houses over#doesn't help the paranoia that we've had someone force the gate open and enter our property a few months ago#we have dogs but we're used to the barking. so we only found out bc a neighbor saw the dude and called someone to call us and tell us#the dude was literally outside our kitchen petting the dogs#we dont know him he's not even from here#anyway i hope this is just me being paranoid bc jfc#this is getting out of control. for me. way too paranoid about any noise at night#go cab
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youtube
Note: Turn on closed captions for English or Russian translations
Warning: Mature themes (suicide), depictions of bullying, violence
Title: Posthumous Reports of a Rotten Boy
Editor: Hikikomori
Song: I Want to Break Free
Artist: Queen
Anime: Toradora!, Steins;Gate, Paranoia Agent, Cowboy Bebop: The Movie
Other Media: Original Animation
Category: Drama
Award: AMVCon 2017 - 1st Place
#anime#amv#queen#toradora#drama#video#music#song#youtube#editing#anime mix#posthumous reports of a rotten boy#hikikomori#I want to break free#toradora!#steins;gate#paranoia agent;cowboy bebop#cowboy bebop: the movie#original animation#amvcon 2017#1st place#amvcon 2017 - 1st place#award winning#Youtube
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i wrote a whole post right now about my very suddenly very shitty mental state and then I remembered it's almost a week until the 20 year anniversary of my dads death so that explains a lot about what may be triggering my symptoms rn so that's a relief
#hooray i discovered how to do a read more break finally!!#vent post#bipolar disorder#intrusive thoughts#paranoia#hello to my partners who will see this post i promise i am okay and safe you do not need to read this have fun playing baldurs gate!!
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This was a cult with an open gate and an unusually low level of paranoia.
"Zealot: A Book About Cults" - Jo Thornely
#book quote#zealot#jo thornely#nonfiction#heaven's gate#marshall applewhite#bonnie nettles#cult#paranoia#open gate
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Come Back, Be Here
Sirius Black x fem!reader - First Wizarding War Order of the Phoenix - 8k words
p1 // p2 // p3 // p4 // p5 // p6 // p7 // p8
CW: mentions of past abuse/torture, amnesia, healing/blood and injury (no one is injured during this story), mention of Bellatrix's cursed knife (same injury Hermione received, sorry), angst, hurt/comfort, use of Y/N
Synopsis: After sacrificing yourself to save your friend and Order partner James months before, you're found on the brink of death. How will Sirius react when he finally gets his love back, but you don't seem to recognize any of them? (concept inspired by Recognition by aeaean__bliss on ao3)
James hated this – he hated the paranoia, he hated worrying, he hated the idea that taking one step outside of the threshold may be the last time he ever sees his wife and son. He had taken ‘one last look’ at too many people in his life, and he was exhausted.
But he was also trained for this.
Pads had been growing more and more paranoid as the war waged on – with all the loss, the targeted attacks of Order members and the growing speculation of a spy amongst them; he begged Lily and James to change Peter to the secret keeper. “I’ll be the Death Eaters first thought, Prongs - he’s the less obvious choice.” It had been months since James had seen Sirius so desperate and passionate, so he agreed. Peter’s schedule with the Ministry had been taking up a lot of his time, but he said that the next Order meeting they would do the trade.
Until then, Sirius made sure Lily and James had a contingency plan.
“If anything fuckey happens, you have to promise me you’ll leave, no questions asked. Okay?” Sirius begged. “Have a go-bag packed for you both and Harry at the ready. If you feel any weakening of the wards – you leave.”
So, something fuckey happened. Lily got herself and Harry dressed for the rain, their bags by the back door ready to make a run for it, and James stood at the front door with his invisibility cloak pulled over him and wand at the ready.
The wards had chimed – signifying someone was here – but they were still standing; this meant Sirius was fine. Wards wobbled all the time – sometimes muggles wandered too closely to them without realizing – but the concerning part was the snap of apparition they heard before the wards had alerted them.
“It could be Moony, or Wormtail.” Lily said, mostly trying to convince herself that everything was fine.
James smiled at his wife like this might be the last time he ever did so. “Very true. I’ll be back in a mo’, okay? If anything happens, you guys go. I’ll find you.” He said.
Lily gave him a watery smile.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
James stepped out into the torrential downpour. Britain wasn’t always known for its reliable weather, but even James was baffled by the sudden late-October thunderstorm. As tempted as he was to cast a weather repelling charm around him, he didn’t want to give away his location by having water bouncing away from his invisible figure, so he allowed himself to get increasingly soaked as he squinted into the night, looking for any signs of who alerted their wards.
He made it to the front gate – where he could see the end of the wards and cast a quick revelio.
Nothing.
“Moony?” He whispered, knowing the lycanthrope would hear him over the heavy rain.
“Pete?” He asked a little louder after receiving no answer.
He waited for a few more moments, cast one more revelio, and moved to the back of the house when he picked up nothing.
Godric’s Hollow is a wizarding community as well, he reminded himself, maybe someone just unknowingly apparated too close to the property.
He cast another revelio in the backyard and his heart leapt into his throat when he saw movement in the woods. “Buggering fuck!” He whisper-shouted, but embarrassingly realized he was watching the figure of a cat running away into the forest.
“Well, that’s not what I heard apparating here, now is it?” He muttered under his breath. He was beginning to suspect they heard some ignorant witch or wizard who miscalculated their apparation as he finished surveying the backyard.
Suddenly, he spotted a figure; it appeared unmoving, and was in a heap on the ground directly outside the ward line. James looked around, casting another revelio – nothing. The only thing he’s found is the slumped figure at the ward line.
James was torn – does he check what it is? What if it’s a person? Should he see if they are okay? Should he go inside and tell Lily that it’s fine before he checks on the figure? Would they still be waiting outside when he came back out? Is this a trap?
His musings were interrupted as the figure started choking.
“Merlin, I’m going to die of a bleeding heart.” James muttered as he made his way to the figure. He cast one more revelio on his way to confirm no one else was around waiting to ambush him.
Against his better judgment - knowing Sirius would have him by the bollocks for this later - he stepped outside of the wards, grabbed the figure and hauled the body back over the ward line. At least now I only have to be worried about dying at the hands of this individual half dead wix.
The body was small – James would assume it was a student from Hogwarts if it weren’t for the fact that they clearly apparated here and all students would be in school. Their cloak appeared far too large for their body and was completely soaked through due to the rain.
The figure began coughing again, and James heard gurgling sounds.
He ripped the hood off the figure and gasped.
Pale – so sickly pale – bruised black and blue and currently coughing up blood was you. Vixen! The witch, friend, fellow animagus and therefore honorary Marauder and his personal mission partner whom James last saw dying in the rubble of your last stake-out location.
“Oh Merlin, OH MERLIN.” James shouted as he whipped off the invisibility cloak and threw it over his shoulder.
He turned his attention back to you as you continued to sputter. He carefully turned you onto your side so you could spit the blood out of your mouth, which caused you to throw up.
“Okay, alright, come on Vix. Let’s get you inside. You’re okay, come on.” James muttered, mostly as a mantra to himself. He felt the adrenaline rushing through his body and tried to ignore the ringing in his ears.
He lifted you up into his arms; one arm supporting your knees whilst the other supported your shoulders. You hung from his grasp like a corpse.
“Stay with me, Vix. Stay with me. You’re going to be okay.” He continued as he got to the door.
He kicked the back door with his foot before cursing and remembering their code. He paused; three quick kicks, one kick, two quick kicks. “Lily! It’s clear, open up!”
Lily set Harry in his playpen and was quick to unlock the door. “Thank Merlin, I - oh!” She quickly moved out of way to avoid being barreled over by her husband with a body in his arms. “What did you find?”
“Not what, Lil’s. Who.”
He ran to the guest bedroom on the first floor, gently laying you onto the bed.
“No...” Lily whispered from the door, her face falling so pale that her freckles stood out in stark contrast.
“Help me. Help her. She’s hurt, she’s-” he started, but he could hardly breathe.
James’ stuttering seemed to snap Lily out of it, and she began barking orders.
“Go get towels, as many as we can. Put a few throw blankets into the dryer for about twenty minutes to warm them up.” She said as she moved to the bed. James didn’t need to be told twice.
Lily set the soaking cloak that James had unceremoniously plopped onto the bed onto the chesterfield. She vanished the black turtleneck and black trousers from your body hoping you wouldn’t miss them terribly. Her breath was taken away, but she couldn’t stare in horror for long as you began coughing up more blood.
She noticed bleeding from your left side – you had what looked like a stab wound in your ribs, which had punctured your lung. Okay Lily, you know this.
Lily sometimes hated magic - it had caused so much pain in her life. She had been called slurs and faced prejudice, she was left without a relationship with her sister, she lost friends and many she considered family to this magical war, and her husband and family were currently facing death by the hands of an evil wizard. Right at this very moment, however, Lily thanked all the deities possible for her use of magic.
She quickly syphoned the fluids and blood flooding your lung before casting a quick sawdering charm to it. Lily heard the telltale snap of your ribs back into place before she closed the wound. It wasn’t as pretty as what could have been done by a real Healer or even Madam Pomfrey, but it would do.
Lily cleared your mouth and throat of blood and conjured a glass of water, forcing some into your mouth before encouraging you to spit it back out.
Once you were no longer at risk of immediately dying, Lily took in the rest of your body.
Your collarbone appeared to protrude from its rightful place, and you had severe bruising around your neck. Lily corrected your collar bone with a flick of her wand which elicited a painful grunt from your lips. You seemed quite a bit thinner than the last time she had seen you, and wondered when your last good meal was. She levitated you gently off the bed and noted that the majority of the bruising appeared around your torso and back. You had a large, healed scar on your right thigh and a small puncture shaped scar on your lower left abdomen. But none of this made Lily feel nearly as sick as when she noticed the word mudblood carved into the skin of your left arm; the wound appeared brand new, as if it had just happened, but it was dry and not bleeding.
The bedroom door slammed open as James threw a pile of at least twenty towels onto the other side of the bed as your form. “I’ve got blankets in the drying machine thingy.” He muttered out of breath as he straightened his glasses.
“Merlin’s tits. What-” he started before Lily cut him off.
“Out, out. Give us some privacy, I’m going to run her a warm bath. Can you bring me some clothes for her?”
James jumped and took off out of the room again.
You had been coming in and out of consciousness as Lily gently washed your body. Every time your eyes met Lily’s green ones, Lily felt her breath leave her body. It’s like looking at a ghost. She wanted to throw up, she wanted to cry, she wanted to sing and dance, my friend, who we had a funeral for, was back from the dead. But she had a job to do, dammit she had a job to do. She’s not your friend right now Lily, she’s your patient. Help her. She needs a healer. You’re as good as one. Help your patient.
Neither of you spoke – Lily didn’t want to overwhelm you, and she also had no idea what to say. There’s so much I’ve wanted to tell you since you’ve been gone; now I have no words.
Lily helped you dry off and supported your weight as she walked you back into the bedroom. James had brought down a tracksuit of Lily’s, which was too big for you, but it was dry and warm, and it would have to do.
After you were dressed, Lily had you sit on the edge of the bed as she brushed and braided your hair.
“There you go, Y/N.” Lily said as she gently tapped your shoulder, cautious of any pain you may be feeling from your collarbone injury.
“You know my name.” you asked quietly, but it wasn’t a question.
Lily paled. Know your name? Try: know your entire life story up until about a year ago.
“I do.” Lily answered cautiously, moving to stand in front of her friend. “Do you know mine?”
Lily watched as your eyes scanned her face. “No,” you admitted. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” Lily said dumbly. “Well, that’s okay. Nothing to be sorry for. I’m Lily. We were friends, before.”
Tears welled up in your eyes, and Lily instantly regretted saying anything. “Here, why don’t we get you into bed, hm?” She offered as a distraction to the both of you.
You grimaced as you shuffled to the head of the bed where Lily pulled the warm blankets James had left for you to climb under.
“I’ll go make a pot of tea and get you some pain potion, okay?”
You seemed to consider Lily for some time before finally nodding your head at her.
“I’ll be right back.”
Lily closed the door behind her and rushed to the kitchen. “James” She sobbed.
Her husband immediately stood from the kitchen table and enveloped her in his arms.
“What happened? Is she okay?” He asked into her hair.
“She doesn’t know who I am.” She muttered miserably.
James froze and pulled his wife away from him to look into her eyes. “She what?”
“She doesn’t recognize me, James. She asked how I knew her name.”
“Oh, Godric.” James muttered, falling back into the chair. “Do you think she’ll recognize me? Or anyone else?”
Lily sighed as she made her way into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. “I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s shock, or amnesia, or a brain injury, or if it’s just me. There are too many variables. I think we should probably wait before we tell the other’s she’s here – I don’t know how they’ll handle not being recognized.”
“Fuck” James whispered.
“Potter.” Lily deadpanned. “Please tell me you didn’t.”
The only response she got was a guilty look from James before the front door flew open.
“Where is she?” Sirius demanded, staring at his friends as if they had personally victimized him, Remus following closely behind, face white as if he’d seen a ghost.
“Would you quiet down.” Lily seethed as she threw up a hasty mufliato.
“I am not fucking around, Red. Where. Is. She.” He repeated angrily, shaking off James’ hand that had been placed on his shoulder.
“If you think I’m letting you anywhere near her when you’re like this, you are out of your sodding mind.” Lily seethed, walking over, and shoving her face into Sirius’.
“Mate, please. Sit down, let us fill you in. The second we do; you can go see her.” James said, trying to appease his friend. Sirius’ chest heaved as his burning eyes met Remus’ glassy ones which were already on him; a silent question of “Are we going to comply or are we going to cause a scene?” passed between them. Sirius moved his eyes back to Lily; he knew Lily wasn’t messing around - she was the mother of the group; she always had been. And she had always been the absolute best of friends with you and Remus, which made her all the more protective over you two in particular. He knew he should trust her when it came to you, but after the last mission - the mission you never fucking returned from - he doubted he would ever trust anyone with you ever again.
Lily watched his face as he seemed to come to some sort of decision.
“You have exactly five minutes starting the second my arse hits that seat, and then I will see her. Got it?” He stated bluntly, before shoving past her and James and sitting at the kitchen table.
Lily and James shared a look before they joined him at the table, Remus sitting down last.
James and Lily just stared at each other; each silently begging the other to start. Sirius grew more and more agitated the longer no one said anything, his knee bouncing under the table. 4 minutes and 17 seconds before I break every door down in this fucking house to find her.
“So,” James started, “She’s here.”
Lily grimaced. “We heard the snap of apparition and then there was a wobble in the wards.” Sirius’ eyes widened.
“We were ready to run,” Lily input at Sirius’ face, “but since the wards were still up and unaffected, James went to investigate.”
“She was soaked to the bone and just lying there. Honestly, I...I thought there was just a dead body until she started to choke.” James admitted. “I got her inside and brought her to the room where Lily healed her.”
“And?” Remus asked quietly.
“And it’s not good.” Lily admitted.
“She’s alive.” James amended, giving Lily a pointed look as if saying do you know who you’re talking to right now?
“Right, erm,” Lily started, “She had a stab wound in her ribs which had punctured her lung – that’s what was causing her to choke. I emptied the lung of blood and fluids and closed it up, re-set the broken ribs and closed the wound – her collar bone was also dislocated. She’s badly bruised and beaten. She has a few healed scars...” she trailed off awkwardly.
“Merlin’s tits.” Sirius muttered into his hands which were covering his face. “Is that all?” He asked sarcastically.
“No, there are two more things, but I need you to stay quiet and calm and listen to me. Do not speak until I say so, okay?”
She gave Sirius a pointed look and the man begrudgingly nodded.
“It appears that someone carved the word mudblood into her left arm – the wound looked brand new, but it wasn’t bleeding or red, so I’m not sure why it looks the way it does. I’ll need an actual healer to look it over.” She sighed greatly before continuing. “And she doesn’t know who I am.”
The room fell painfully silent, all eyes on her.
“Someone carved...?” Remus finally began whispering before he was cut off by Sirius.
“What do you mean she doesn’t know who you are?” Sirius asked.
“I mean I’m a stranger to her Sirius.” She muttered miserably. “She asked me how I knew her name, and when I told her we were friends, she looked like she was going to cry.”
Sirius’ already alabaster skin appeared to grow a sickly paler shade as he looked incredulously at Lily.
He watched as James rubbed Lily’s shoulder. Beaten. Stabbed. Bruised. Tortured. Someone hurt her. Someone touched her – violated her. My girl.
But she’s here. He reminded himself.
“Okay.” He whispered.
The table grew quiet again, everyone turning their attention to the dark-haired man.
“Okay?” Lily asked between sniffles.
“Okay.” He repeated before making eye contact with her again. “She’s likely been through hell, I hardly expect much of her right now. Fuck, I hardly ever expected to get her back at all so, let’s just...” He stopped, looking down at the woodgrain on the table. “We’ll make sure she’s okay to start and then, maybe eventually, we can help her get her memories back or something.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
Lily gave him a sad smile as more tears fell.
“Okay Pads.” She said, reaching to take his hand. “Let’s go see our girl.”
“Y/N? It’s me,” Lily started as she leaned into the bedroom door. “Erm, Lily.” She clarified awkwardly. “I’ve got your tea and something to eat, may I come in?”
She waited for a few beats before she poked her head in. “You okay?” She asked gently. She spotted her friend sitting exactly where she had left you; propped up in the bed on a tower of pillows and wrapped in the numerous blankets that James had warmed up for you. Lily plastered on what she hoped was her most calming smile.
“When was the last time you’ve eaten?” She asked gently, moving into the room.
“I’m not sure.” You admitted in a whisper, warily eying the grapes, cheese, and crackers Lily had prepared that sat beside the tea and vial of pain potion which Lily placed on the bed before you.
“I can get you something else if you’d like, but I figured it might be good to have a little something in your stomach on account of the pain potion.” She grimaced as she motioned toward the offending vial.
The sound of a throat clearing interrupted the women and brought your attention to the door where James and Sirius both stood, waiting for... well, Lily wasn’t sure.
You just stared blankly at the men. Your eyes seemed to dart between James and Sirius, questions flying behind your eyes.
“Mind if we join you?” James asked quietly, holding his hands open as if a universal way to say, see? Friendly. We mean you no harm.
You turned your gaze back to Lily who was silently encouraging you. Lily wore a soft smile, and her eyes were full of compassion and understanding.
“Sure.” You finally said, your voice thick. The boys let out a breath and moved into the room slowly. Lily stared at them both, hoping they got her silent plea: you are great big giant oafs; please be as un-intimidating as possible.
It wasn’t easy; Sirius with his thick, rock-star style black hair and covered in various tattoos which stood out in stark contrast against his alabaster skin. His combat boots which were never tied properly were not the stealthiest footwear, and his various pieces of silver jewelry littering his body added to the intimidating aura that was Sirius Black.
And big, bumbling James; built like the Quidditch chaser he is. He stood slightly taller than Sirius, and between his ADHD and constant need for movement, he was in perfect shape for a soldier. He could appear intimidating when he needed to be, and when he was actually angry: watch out. But those who knew him would laugh and laugh to know you ever feared him if you hadn’t a reason. He smiled warmly at you and sat on the floor near the fireplace.
Sirius sat behind Lily in a wingback chair that he turned to face the bed you were sat on. He monitored your face looking for any signs of recognition as you surveyed the newcomers. He tried not to feel disappointed when he didn’t see any. He failed anyways.
“Our friend’s showed up while the tea was on, we never could keep them away for long.” Lily offered when you still hadn’t said anything.
“Rem will be back later; he ran out to grab some things.” Sirius explained.
James, never being one for sublties asked “do you recognize either of us?” as if the question had been lodged behind his teeth since he first found you.
Lily and Sirius sucked in a breath as they turned to analyze you. Your gaze moved over the two men before looking down at your hands in your lap and shook your head.
“Well, that’s alright; we always liked making new friends.” James offered. “I’m James – I found you outside. And this here is Sirius.” He said, motioning to his friend.
Sirius heard you let out a shakey breath at the end of James' sentence, and Lily noticed tears springing into her friend’s eyes.
“What’s the matter, love?” Sirius asked her gently.
You shook your head miserably and looked between the two men again. Sirius thought he would throw up while Lily’s eyes widened in horror.
“No, no. Y/N, it’s alright, you’re safe, no one’s going to hurt you.” she clarified.
“We’re your friends,” James offered quietly, “we only wanted to know you were okay.”
You didn’t seem able to make eye contact with any of them anymore and stared at the tea tray set out in front of you.
“It’s chamomile,” Lily offered, “it was one of your favourites.”
Sirius and James exchanged a glance before the former slowly stood and made his way over to you; you didn’t look up at Sirius, but he noticed your body tense. Keeping his distance, he picked up the cup of tea and gave it a sniff before taking a sip, making a show of swishing it in his mouth before swallowing.
“Hm, yep. Chamomile, two sugars and a splash of milk.” He said before he cast a quick revelio over the cup and pot. “And nothing else added.”
He placed the cup back onto the tray. “You can never be too careful these days, hm?” He offered you with a smile before returning to his seat.
You looked at Lily before you carefully picked up the tea with shaking hands. The warmth of the cup brought tears to your eyes as you held it tightly in your hands, enjoying the aroma before taking your own cautious sip.
Seemingly satisfied you weren’t being poisoned, you grimaced at the smell of the pain poition before downing it with nothing more than a cough. Sirius thought you were a much better sport about it than he was.
“Why don’t we light the fire, hm?” Lily asked, beginning to stand.
“I’ve got it.” Sirius mumbled, standing, and placing a few logs into the hearth before casting an incendio.
Sirius could feel your eyes following him; he knew because they burned into his skin like they always had before. He always had a sixth sense when it came to you. He missed this familiar feeling, even though it was currently painful; he never thought he’d feel the burn of your stare again.
“Thank you.” He heard whispered, and looked to see you looking at him from under your lashes as you brought the tea to your lips again.
“You’re very welcome.” He smiled at you.
“Do you know me?” You suddenly whispered. If it wasn’t for the fact that the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire, the rest of the room’s occupants would have missed it completely.
“Yes.” James said with a soft smile.
“Were we...” you started, before clearing your throat and returning your gaze to your hands. “Were we friends? Before?” You finished, not returning your gaze.
“The best of.” James replied.
You seemed to think on this for a while before you looked up and met Sirius’ eyes.
“And you?” You queried.
Sirius was sure he just heard his heart break. He wondered how much he should tell you. She doesn’t remember me. She doesn’t remember the nights shared, or the fights had, or the days spent. How much does he tell you?
He recognized that everyone is looking at him now; you inquisitively, James appeared distraught, and Lily was looking at him with the saddest smile he’d ever seen. He had very little time to answer this question.
“You couldn’t shake me off, love. I followed you around everywhere.” He settled for, trying to smile at you but it felt more like a grimace.
You sighed and returned to fiddling with your teacup.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered. The two present marauders and Lily exchanged glances before turning back towards their friend.
“What for?” Lily asked gently, moving to place a hand on your shoulder. Nobody in the room missed the full body flinch that took place when you spotted a hand coming towards you, which caused Lily’s hand to retreat to her lap.
You sighed heavily again before continuing. “For not recognizing you all.”
“None of that now, gorgeous.” Sirius stated. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ll be just fine.”
“Where have you been all this time?” James asked, which was met with a low rumble from Sirius’ throat; a warning that no one in the room missed.
“Prongs, she’s been through hell. Leave her be for now.”
Your eyes flicked between the two men who seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyes. You looked back to Lily who gave you a crooked smile and a shrug of her shoulders.
“Was your hair shorter when I knew you?” You asked. Sirius tore his eyes away from his best mate and looked into your warm gaze. You looked so inquisitive, and he instantly thought back to the nights that the two of you spent on the astronomy tower where he would point out every constellation and star you could see with your naked eye and tell you their stories; you’d always ask follow-up questions, which he loved because none of your other friends found astronomy to be at all interesting, and he could show off his wealth of knowledge on the topic.
Sirius subconsciously brought his hand up and ran his fingers through his hair. No, he thought, in fact, I’ve cut it quite a bit shorter since the last time I saw you. His hair had always been quite long, especially since he and you became friends back in 4th year. After you passed away - or, disappeared, Sirius supposed – he found it harder and harder to deal with especially when in battle, between needing it to be up elsewise it was in his face, or being easy to grab by enemies. He kept some length, but now the longest pieces came just below his chin.
“I don’t think so, darlin’. Must be thinking of someone else.” He tried to tease, but it came out pained.
Your eyes stayed on Sirius as you analysed him. “My mistake.” You whispered.
It grew incredibly awkward from there. No one knew what to say; you wouldn’t eat or make eye contact with anyone anymore and continued fiddling with your teacup.
“Well, why don’t we leave you to eat up, and you can rest some, hm?” Lily offered, looking around the room at the others. James immediately nodded his head in agreement, whilst you looked indifferent, and Sirius looked anything but pleased at the prospect of leaving the room you were currently situated in.
“Pads, why don’t you help me make something to eat for the rest of us, and we can come check back on Y/N a little later.” She offered.
Sirius kept his gaze on you; you seemed concerned, though he didn’t know what about – were you worried they’d stay? That they’d leave? Were you worried that they wouldn’t come back?
“Alright,” He offered Lily, “I’ll be back shortly, okay?” He added for your benefit. You looked up at that, appearing to analyze him as he moved to the door whilst keeping eye contact.
“Okay.” You whispered, and everyone shuffled out of the room.
“Fuck.” He breathed as the door clicked shut behind him.
The three friends moved back to the kitchen where Sirius did indeed help Lily make more sandwiches while James began to pace the kitchen behind them.
“Spit it out Prongs, we’ve not got all day.” He muttered, tired of his friend’s nervous ticks.
“Listen, mate,” James started awkwardly, “I just want you to be careful.”
Sirius looked at him incredulously. “Excuse me?”
“I mean, with Y/N.” He clarified, which for Sirius clarified absolutely nothing.
“What are you on about?”
“Okay.” James breathed. “Listen, I’m just worried - about all of us, okay? Vix included. I mean, she was as on deaths door the last I saw her and-”
“Yeah, and you fucking left her there.” Sirius spat quietly. James’s face pained considerably, the guilt and memories clear on his face. It wasn’t fair of Sirius, he knew that. You made that choice for the both of them; he saw James’ memory of that moment with his own eyes - hell, he was there when a distraught James dropped into the safe house via portkey without you.
“I know, I...” James started but was interrupted this time by Lily.
“Sirius, we both know how stubborn our girl is. Nothing would have changed that outcome.” She offered him quietly.
“I shouldn’t have interrupted James.” Sirius bit out, knowing he was out of line but not willing to apologize for his words.
“We believed her to be dead for months, and then all of a sudden, she quite literally drops out of the fucking sky and remembers nothing. I’m not saying she’s chosen a side or anything, but I cannot help but be worried. This feels like a trap.”
James’ words hung in the air, Sirius never breaking eye contact with him. Sirius’ stares could be intense which was extremely intimidating. While James was undoubtedly uncomfortable, he needed Sirius to understand his concerns. You were a potential threat whether you were aware of it or not, and you were currently living in his house alongside his family.
“So, what? You think she’s been turned a spy? That she’s been sent to destroy us from the inside out? After all this time?” Sirius asked incredulously.
“I don’t know what to think, Pads. All I’m saying is that I’m scared and for all our sakes, I need you to be careful.”
“You want her out.” Sirius spat.
“No.” Lily and James chorused.
“Sirius no, I want my best friend here, with me where I can help her.." Lily started. "That’s not what this is about. Maybe I’m being naïve, but I don’t think she’s a danger to us. I want her here, Sirius. I need her here.”
James looked at his wife, disagreement written all over his face, but it was joined with acceptance and understanding. You were his friend too; he spent summers and full moons and missions with you, and he wouldn’t trade any of it. Well, he’d leave the missions happily behind but hoped one day that you could spend the first two together again. But he had a war to win and a family to protect, and right now, that had to come first.
The three friends were interrupted by a silvery whisp of a phoenix travelling into the room. The Phoenix whistled three times, waited four seconds and let out one long whistle before adding five short whistles and then disappeared.
“Dumbledore wants a meeting.” James translated.
“I bet it’s all about how your ex-partner is a big fat spy, Prongs.” Sirius muttered.
“Enough.” Lily remarked. “None of this right now, let’s just get her through tonight.”
Lily sat a few sandwiches onto the table.
“I just wish we could get her to a healer; see what could be causing the amnesia.” She murmured miserably.
“What do you think it could be?” James prodded.
“I’m not sure. Many things can cause amnesia - malevolence or injury, perhaps. If it’s due to a malevolent curse or she’s been obliviated or imperio’d or something, maybe we can reverse it. If it’s an injury... well I’m not sure. Brains are tricky but maybe it can be healed, or I don’t know...” She trailed off frustrated. In her mind, it was either that her friend had been being cursed, or she sustained a brain injury that may not be able to be fixed.
“Maybe it’s something else, Red. We’ll find a way to fix this.” Sirius offered quietly, reaching for her hand across the table which she met. She smiled at him for a few moments.
“She really is the better part of you, isn’t she?” James interrupted.
“How do you mean?” He asked, moving his eyes and soft smile to James who he regarded a little cooler.
“Being all reasonable and optimistic. You’re giving Haz a run for his money being the most optimistic in the family, and he’s ignorant to anything that doesn’t fit in his mouth.” James clarified.
“Classy Prongs,” Sirius muttered. “Jokes at the expense of your own sprog when he’s not even awake to defend himself.”
The three friends chuckled, allowing some of the tension to dissipate from the room. Sirius would let it go for now, but he was less than pleased with his friend’s accusation. But James just wanted to protect his family, and that included Sirius and you, whether Sirius understood that or not.
Sirius rapped at the door gently. “It’s just me, erm, Sirius.” The door opened a crack, and he poked his head in. “Mind if I join you?”
You shook your head which he took as an invitation. He closed the door gently behind himself before he returned to the wingback chair he had settled in earlier. He had his own cup of tea and half a sandwich on a plate.
“Lily’s going to bring us some more tea later, maybe with some sleeping draught. Do you think you’ll need help sleeping tonight?” He said.
“You’re asking my permission?” You asked, which caused Sirius to nearly choke on his tea.
He looked at you incredulously for a moment. “Of course, I am. It’s your choice”
You seemed to think about that for a moment. “Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea, to have an aid.” You admitted finally.
He considered this. “Very well, we’ll get that brewed for you.”
Sirius continued to watch you. You fiddled with the hem of the sweatshirt you were wearing, which he recognized to be one of Lily’s. Lily, the beautiful Amazonian woman she was, meant the outfit was far too big for your smaller frame, especially with how much you had seemed to hollow out since Sirius last saw you. That’s okay, he reminded himself, we’ll get her all fixed up. He made a mental note to try to find what clothes of yours he still had at his and Moony’s flat. He suddenly felt simultaneously embarrassed and grateful he kept most of your old things, only donating what you hadn’t used in the past year and a half before you went missing. Remus had suggested placing some of his and Sirus’ favourites of yours in what muggles called Ziploc baggies which basically cast a stasis charm on it to keep it fresh. It may sound weird, but for Padfoot and Moony, both of them understood how comforting someone’s scent could be, and he was willing to look ‘weird’ for the sake of keeping what little of you that he could. He’d go shopping as well, to replace what he had given away. Maybe even get you a whole new wardrobe - when you were feeling better, you could come with him, pick out your own things.
Thinking about you feeling better, he looked up at you and noticed how not better you were. Your eyebrows were furrowed as if you were in pain, your knee was bouncing underneath you, and you kept looking at the doors.
“What is it, love? What’s wrong?” He asked, pushing his plate and cup aside and rising to kneel in front of you.
You looked at him, startled at first, before tears welled up in your eyes.
He remembered your flinch at Lily’s hand, so once he was on his knees, he slowly raised his hands and motioned for yours all while maintaining eye contact. You looked between his hands and his eyes for a moment before you lifted your hands into his. He wondered if you could hear his heartbeat as it bounced around in his chest. Your skin still felt cold – though he remembered that you always seemed to run colder than he did.
“What’s wrong love?” He asked again.
You began to cry in earnest. “I...” you choked out.
“You can tell me, it’s alright.” He offered.
“I have to pee!” You whispered through a sob. “I’m sorry.” You added. Sirius scrunched his eyebrows at you. Had this been anyone else, he would have started to laugh. But you seemed thoroughly distraught right now; your knee was still bouncing, and you looked so pained.
“Okay, that’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He offered. You made a disgruntled sound.
“Have you been waiting this whole time?” He asked. You cried some more and nodded.
“Oh love, okay. Come on.” He began to stand and used your hands that were still in his to pull you up. You stumbled a bit, but he steadied you.
You made your way to the bathroom, and he sat you on the toilet. “Do you, erm, are you okay to do...what you need to do, by yourself?” He asked awkwardly. You nodded quickly.
“Okay.” He smiled at you. “I’ll be just outside this door, okay?” He said as he backed out of the washroom. He closed the door, and he could hear you shuffling as you pulled down your trousers.
Merlin. She was nearly in a fit over asking to use the loo. Why would she wait to ask to go?
Sirius aggressively wiped his face, feeling tears burn his eyes. He heard the click of a door and moved his hands, expecting to see you but was surprised as Lily entered the bedroom.
“Hey. How’s she doing?” She asks as she peered around the room trying to spot her friend.
Sirius sighed. “She almost let her bladder burst waiting to be told she could use the loo.” He stated plainly.
“Oh Vix...” Lily tutted as she leaned against the back of the couch which faced the bathroom door. Sirius moved to join her.
“She’s open to a sleeping draught for tonight.” He offered. Lily just hummed.
“What are we doing to do, Pads?” She asked after some time.
“Be patient as hell, I guess.” He answered.
Lily chuckled and nudged Sirius with her shoulder. “Patience. A Sirius Black special.”
Lily watched as Sirius smirked and looked back at the bathroom door. Lily was right, of course; he was never very patient. He wasn’t the kind one of the group, he wasn’t always very understanding, and he surely wasn’t the patient one. He was loud, he was angry, he was crass, and he never slowed down, not for anyone. Except for her she remembered.
(Five summers ago)
The group of them had been getting ready to head to the Potter’s for a few weeks in the summer between 6th and 7th year; you had asked to be picked up last so that you didn’t hold everyone up. Sirius and James picked Lily up first, ever the timely one. They stopped at Remus’ next, who was mostly ready, but ran back inside four times as the others listed off things he may have forgotten. “Toothbrush?” Lily asked. “Fuck.” Remus muttered as he ran back inside the Lupin cottage. He emerged victorious with his toothbrush in hand.
“First thing we’re doing when we get to the manor is jumping in the lake. It’s too bloody hot today.” James muttered, which caused Remus to groan as he went back inside.
“Moooooonnyyyyyyy.” Sirius whined as his friend disappeared.
This happened two more times for his sandals a a pair of sunglasses which was met with a lot of whining from Sirius before they were ready to go.
Next stop was Peter’s house; they were met by Peter’s mother who showed them to his room which was nothing short of a disaster.
“Peter Pettigrew!” She shrilled at him from the door. “You are not to leave this room like this, do you hear me young man?!” She demanded as she started down the hallway.
“Great, now we have to wait for him to finish packing and clean his bloody room.” Sirius muttered as he kicked Peter’s school bag aside to sit on his desk chair.
“Wormy, you knew we were coming and what time. In fact, we’re late. How are you not ready?” Remus asked incredulously, trying to help Peter fold his clothes and put it in his bag as the kid continued running around his room throwing things on his bed which was deemed to be the ‘pack’ pile.
“’Cause he’s a wanker, that’s why.” Sirius muttered none-too-quietly from his moping spot in the desk chair which earned him a flick in the head from James.
“Now, now, Pads. We’ll make it home eventually.” He chuckled.
“Listen, I’m sweaty, I’ve been travelling around all of the UK picking up you knob heads and we still have one stop. I wanna gooooooooo.” He whined petulantly.
“Okay well you can whine all you want to Vixen since she’s our last stop then. Maybe she’ll feel bad for you.” Lily offered, zipping up Peter’s first of three bags he ended up leaving with.
Entirely too long later, they travelled to a spot close to your house and began the trek, the sun still high in the sky and accosting Sirius.
“Too bloody hot for this.” He muttered to himself as he knocked a little impolitely on your door. A few moments later, a frazzled looking you swung the door open and looked at your five friends.
“Oh God, here we go.” Lily muttered as she was sure Sirius’ whining was going to continue at the lack of a packed bag in your hand. She was completely astounded however when he rushed inside and shut the door behind him, leaving his four other friends outside. The said friends shared a bemused look before leaning their ears against the door.
“What’s the matter?” Sirius asked you gently. They heard a small sniffle.
“I’m sorry Siri. I’m not ready. I slept through my alarms and then I had to do laundry and the washing machine is giving me problems and my dad is away for work so I had to make sure everything was set up because the cats will be alone for the rest of the week and I’m not ready and I’m sorry.” You finished taking a long breath which sounded like it was close to becoming a sob.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Not a problem at all love, come on. Let’s get you packed up. We’ve got time.” Sirius could be heard saying before your sets of footsteps moved further into the house.
“‘We’ve got time’ he says.” Peter muttered, mimicking his friend as he kicked a pebble.
“There’s always time for Vix, Wormy. You know this.” James said as he winked at Peter and slung his arm over Lily.
(Present)
Lily and Sirius heard water running and knew you were finished. They waited for a few moments but when you never exited the bathroom, they shared a quick glance.
Sirius moved up to the door and gently knocked. “You okay?” As he waited for a response, he made eye contact with Lily.
“Yeah.” You answered through the door.
“Are you done?”
You were silent for a moment before you answered, “yes.”
Lily and Sirius looked at each other again for a moment. “I’m gonna open the door then, alright?” He didn’t receive an answer, so opened the door slowly.
You were leaning your weight against the bathroom sink and had your arms wrapped around yourself protectively.
“Feel better?” Sirius asked gently, offering you his hand.
You looked from his hand to his eyes. “Yes. Thank you.” You said as gently took his hand. He placed your arm in his and helped you towards the bed on the other side of the room.
“No need to thank me, love.” He offered as he helped you up onto the bed. It seemed to be a little too high for you, and Sirius made a note to put a step stool here for you tomorrow.
“Y/N, the bathroom is there for you whenever. No one else will use it. If you ever need help, you can let me know, okay?” Lily offered.
“Anything,” Sirius added solemnly, lifting the duvet for you to climb in under. “You can ask for anything, okay?”
You fiddled with the duvet and quilt after it was set on top of your lap.
“Is there anything you can think of now that you want or need?” He asked, ducking his head to try to look into your eyes.
You searched his eyes, the silver gaze so familiar against his black hair.
Sirius was about to give up and look to Lily when you finally answered. “I don’t think so.”
He smiled gently at you. “That’s alright. I’ll think of lots of things for you.”
“I’m sure Pads already has a list compiled.” Lily snorted from the end of the bed.
“As a matter of fact, my dear Red, I do.” He smirked at her as he began tidying up the room.
“She’ll need some clothes...” Lily started.
“Already on it. And we’re gonna get a stool so she doesn’t have to haul herself up into that tall ass bed. We’ll get her the shampoo she likes; we can’t let those locks suffer.” He added with a wink in your direction.
Lily took the dishes Sirius had collected and brought them to the kitchen where she began the tea just as Remus came back in through the front door with a box in his hands.
“This is about two weeks of dreamless sleep if she needs one every night. I can get more if she needs it.” He said as he placed the box on the kitchen table.
“Thank you, Rem, I’m sure this will be a great help.” She smiled at her friend before kissing his cheek.
“How’s he holding up?” He asked. She knew he was worried about his roommate.
Sirius’ feelings for you have never been quiet nor simple. In fairness to her friend, he had always lived with his heart on his sleeve; his feelings written all over his face. His love for you had always been palpable. They thought they were going to lose him when they lost you, and in some ways, they did. They lost the slightly gentler side of Sirius, the side that would give pause when his friends needed it, who tried to see the good in everybody first.
His better half was back, but not really. Sirius wasn’t usually able to live by halves and they wondered how this would play out while they waited for you to remember something, anything.
“He’s hanging in there. He’s been really strong for her.” She answered gently as the tea pot started to whistle. Remus hummed in acknowledgment.
“She always was the strong one for us, when it mattered most. Seems fitting he returns the favour.” He admitted.
The sleeping draught tea made, Lily re-entered the bedroom with Remus where they found Sirius setting up the couch with a pillow and some blankets.
“Having yourself a slumber party here, Pads?” Remus asked lightly.
“Yeah, I think I’ll stay here for tonight, keep our guest company. Try not to miss me too much, alright Moony?” He offered cajolingly, but Remus and Lily knew; he wouldn’t be leaving your side any time soon, not unless you asked him to.
Continue to part 2 here.
#sirius black#sirius black x you#sirius black x reader#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#marauders era#marauders x reader#first wizarding war#first wizarding war fanfic#reader insert#escapism#self insert#canon divergence#hurt/comfort#sirius black hurt/comfort#sirius black fic#sirius black one shot#sirius black blurb#sirius black ficlet
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Happy Halloween, everyone!
I've got some good news - I've finished tallying up the results of the favourite anime survey and can now, finally, reveal what Tumblr's favourite anime actually are. To start with, I'd like to thank everyone who responded - yes, all 1172 (wow!) of you - and to apologise for he delay in actually getting these results out. For anyone who needs a reminder, these results are based on how many points each anime received - a first place ranking was worth five points, a second or third place ranking was worth four, a fourth or fifth place ranking was worth three, a sixth-tenth place ranking was worth two, and a eleventh-twentieth place ranking was worth one. When multiple anime had the same number of points, the anime with the most first-place votes was placed higher. The results are below the read more right here - I hope you enjoy reading!
100. Yona of the Dawn - 82 points
99. Devilman Crybaby - 83 points
98. Monogatari Series - 83 points
97. Lucky Star - 84 points
96. Toradora - 84 points
95. Dr. Stone - 86 points
94. Princess Jellyfish - 86 points
93. ERASED - 87 points
92. Noragami - 87 points
91. Wolf's Rain - 88 points
90. Azumanga Daioh - 90 points
89. Paranoia Agent - 90 points
88. Odd Taxi - 91 points
87. Banana Fish - 93 points
86. Digimon Adventure - 95 points
85. Akira - 95 points
84. Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni - 95 points
83. Psycho-Pass - 96 points
82. Little Witch Academia - 96 points
81. Monster - 97 points
80. Mononoke - 98 points
79. Free! - 99 points
78. Kekkai Sensen - 99 points
77. Trigun Stampede - 102 points
76. Haibane Renmei - 103 points
75. Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters - 104 points
74. Gintama - 105 points
73. Violet Evergarden - 107 points
72. Dorohedoro - 113 points
71. Made in Abyss - 113 points
70. Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury - 113 points
69. Eizouken ni wa Te o Dasu na! - 115 points
68. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind - 116 points
67. SK8 the Infinity - 117 points
66. Samurai Champloo - 117 points
65. Your Name - 118 points
64. Castle in the Sky - 119 points
63. Perfect Blue - 119 points
62. Promare - 120 points
61. One Punch Man - 122 points
60. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya - 126 points
59. Kiki's Delivery Service - 129 points
58. Kaguya-sama: Love is War - 136 points
57. Inuyasha - 136 points
56. Assassination Classroom - 142 points
55. FLCL - 143 points
54. Pokémon - 144 points
53. Death Parade - 148 points
52. Dragon Ball - 150 points
51. Natsume Yuujinchou - 157 points
50. The Apothecary Diaries - 158 points
49. Revue Starlight - 159 points
48. Durarara!! - 160 points
47. Yu Yu Hakusho - 162 points
46. Naruto - 163 points
45. Black Butler - 165 points
44. Attack on Titan - 167 points
43. Houseki no Kuni - 168 points
42. Steins;Gate - 172 points
41. Cardcaptor Sakura - 186 points
40. Code Geass - 186 points.
39. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun - 187 points
38. The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. - 192 points
37. Kill la Kill - 194 points
36. Bungou Stray Dogs - 194 points
35. Baccano! - 198 points
34. Bocchi the Rock! - 201 points
33. Chainsaw Man - 208 points
32. Demon Slayer - 209 points
31. Serial Experiments Lain - 213 points
30. Jujutsu Kaisen - 227 points
29. Spy x Family - 236 points
28. Howl's Moving Castle - 238 points
27. Princess Mononoke - 240 points
26. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann - 241 points
25. Sailor Moon - 249 points
24. Mushi-shi - 249 points
23. Princess Tutu - 254 points
22. Nichijou - 263 points
21. Trigun - 265 points
20. Spirited Away - 266 points
19. My Hero Academia - 266 points
18. Fruits Basket (2019) - 269 points
17. Soul Eater - 292 points
16. Sousou no Frieren - 300 points
15. Yuri!!! on Ice - 333 points
14. Fullmetal Alchemist - 364 points
13. Ouran High School Host Club - 374 points
12. Death Note - 437 points
11. Cowboy Bebop - 450 points
10. Haikyuu - 457 points
9. Neon Genesis Evangelion - 496 points
8. Jojo's Bizarre Adventure - 496 points
7. Hunter x Hunter (2011) - 516 points
6. Revolutionary Girl Utena - 537 points
5. One Piece - 633 points
4. Puella Magi Madoka Magica - 664 points
3. Mob Psycho 100 - 943 points
2. Dungeon Meshi - 985 points
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood - 1106 points
Congratulations to FMA Brotherhood for winning! For more detailed results, go to this spreadsheet. Once again, thank you all for participating, and waiting so patiently for the results!
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