#the funniest thing about it is that he's like

[ethereacals]

so american <3

synopsis: Remus grows attached to an American transfer student from Ilvermorny pairings: remus lupin x gryffindor!american!reader

content: stupid gilderoy makes fun of ur accent >:(, remus and r share a cute lil moment, r discovers butterbeer, remus comfort

warnings: profanity (:

wc; 1.6k

series masterlist

EVERYONE WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT the new american girl

What was American food like?" "Have you ever been to New York?" "Disney World?" "Disneyland?" "Have you gone to Florida?" "How much does it rain?" "Did it snow at Ilvermorny?"

Every single one of those questions were asked by James and Peter.

You really didn't mind the curiosity, and in your head it made it less embarrassing for you to ask questions about their culture and life since they equally didn't know anything about yours.

Your questions were justified.

Everyone was extremely kind and forgiving as you made your way around the colossal school that was Hogwarts.

For the most part.

There were a few people who didn't really appreciate your presence.

Mulciber and Avery thought of you very little, not even relating to your blood-status.

And one boy in particular thought your accent was the funniest thing since The Prewitts had unleashed the giant squid in the third-floor corridor.

He was then stuck there for 1 month.

They haven't run out of ink for the quills since, on the bright side.

But you weren't sure how you felt about someone poking fun at your accent.

It simply wasn't something you could control, sure you could fake a british accent. But what good would that do?

Everyone already knew you were from America.

And you weren't making fun of their accents.

"She calls pop- So-da, what even is So-da?" The ever-famous wizarding world Quidditch gear model- Gilderoy Lockhart mocked, and his posse of surrounding fifth year girls giggled in agreement.

Remus was fuming, all the way across the Great Hall from the Ravenclaw table.

He could tell you were upset by this, but you didn't want to draw anymore unwanted attention onto yourself.

So you tucked your head in your arms, and merely pretended to be studying your Herbology book.

"For a Ravenclaw, He's not very smart, y'know?" Remus snapped bitterly, James looking up from his Potions essay.

"He's like that guy from that movie my mum loves." James equated, looking over to Sirius for his agreement.

"Which one?" Asked Sirius, his head cocked to the right slightly.

"Grease." Sirius stared blankly.

"Danny Zuko?" James sighed defeatedly, knowing of his boyfriends' infatuation with Danny Zuko.

"Oh, I forget the movie isn't called 'Greased Lightning'." Sirius sighed dreamily in the reminder of Danny Zuko from Grease.

The two boys' conversation faded into the background, as you heard Remus mumbling to himself softly.

"Shut up, Lockhart." His fists clenched, his knuckles going white.

Something had been up with Remus for the last few days, and you had not a clue why.

He'd almost been more attached to you than usual, always by your side, always protecting you.

And what made matters weirder was that James and Sirius kept alluding to "The Big Night".

Whenever they mentioned it, Remus would either shy away or shush them coldly.

Gilderoy's deep, egotistical voice echoed in your head as he poked fun at something you couldn't control.

And you feared Remus could sense your discomfort.

The patience level Remus' head snapped, and he pushed himself up to his feet and marched over to the Ravenclaw table.

"Didn't your mum ever teach you how to not be a dick, Lockhart?" Remus snarled, as you turned around- absolutely mortified.

"Excuse me, Lupin?" Gilderoy clutched his pearls (which weren't imaginary), as he gawked at Remus' tone

"You're excused." He deadpanned, the girls surrounding the boy quickly saw themselves out of the conversation.

"You need to shut your damn mouth about Y/N." Remus spat, towering over Gilderoy.

"And what if I don't? Why? Is she your little girlfriend?" Gilderoy bit back, seemingly proud of himself for his little quip.

"W-What? No! I just know how to be a good friend and I know that you are hurting her feelings." Remus was quick to defend his actions.

"You're just jealous that I have a pond of girls surrounding me, and you don't! Right ladies?" He turned around to see that none of them had stuck around.

"Looks like you bored them, Lockhart." Remus smirked, as Gilderoy stood up- fuming.

"Didn't your parents ever teach you how to respect your superiors?" "I surely don't hope you mean yourself."

"I do! As a matter of fact. And I don't think your parents did, because why else would your father have married a filthy muggle-"

*CRACK*

Gilderoy clutched his perfect nose in agony, as Sirius cheered complimentary.

Remus had just broken a boy's nose for you.

Your heart really shouldn't have fluttered like it did.

"I'M SORRY I GOT YOU DETENTION."You apologized, feeling rather badly that he punched someone because they were being rude to you.

"It's alright, It was worth it to shut Lockhart up." Remus shrugged, his knuckles wrapped in bandages.

"Still, you didn't have to do it for me. Thank you." You expressed, a small smile spreading on his lips.

"Your welcome, Y/N."

It was a lovely evening at the Astronomy tower.

The sky was crystal clear, and the stars were illuminated by the beautiful waxing moon.

It was nearly full.

"I... apologize if I've been off this week." Remus hesitated, glancing over at you quickly.

"It's alright, Remus. Everyone has bad weeks." You accepted, a hand coming to his shoulder consolingly.

"I'm glad you understand." The tension in his shoulders released steadily.

"I'll always try to." You smiled comfortingly.

HOGSMEADE WEEK WAS UPON all third-year students and above.

Hogsmeade Week was the first week that Hogsmeade would be open for students to come and go as they please.

Shops that were owned by alumni hosted parties and celebrations.

And Remus had planned to take you to your first ever party at Hogwarts.

Lily had invited you to get ready with her and the girls.

"So, Y/N. Did Ilvermorny have any sort of Hogsmeade place?" Mary asked, while meticulously placing small butterfly clips in her hair.

"No, not really. We usually just went on school trips every so often."

You explained casually. 

 “Where did you hang out, then?” Marlene quirked her brow, lounging next to Dorcas. 

“No where, really. We just hung out in our common rooms and on the grounds.” You tried to gaze over to her, but Lily scolded you for moving your head as she was busy curling your hair.

"That's interesting. I couldn't imagine not having somewhere to get food that wasn't served by the house-elves." Alice mused, puckering her lips to apply gloss.

"Alright, I think it's done." Lily marveled at her masterpiece that was your hair.

"Wow.. Lily, it's amazing." You smiled, standing up to hug her generously.

"Oh, It's nothing." Lily reasoned humbly.

"Ready to go?" Mary handed Lily her purse.

"Absolutely." Lily grabbed your hand excitedly, and pulled you out of the dorm room.

"SHE LOOKS PERFECT." Remus stared at you in utter awe.

You were stunning.

Remus knew you always had been, even since the day he met you.

But today was certainly no exception, as you looked exceptionally beautiful.

"Remus!" You shouted excitedly over the booming music, as you ran to him through the thick crowd.

He relished how your gorgeous eyes lit up just at the mere sight of him.

He caught you as you jumped forward to hug him, spinning you around.

"Hi, dove." Remus smiled, plopping you back down on your feet.

"You look great!" You praised enthusiastically.

"Thank you, and you look lovely." He brushed a hand through your hair.

The party was in full swing.

Unbeknownst to you both, Sirius and James had been plotting something.

They saw how Remus' eyes could pick you out from a huge crowd. How even if there were dozens of free tables in the library, you would choose to sit at Remus'. How he shared his chocolate with you (he never once had given James a piece of chocolate). How you read every single book he suggested to you.

Now- sure, you could just be really good friends.

But James and Sirius weren't stupid.

Their boy was in love.

So, they devised a plan to somehow lock you and Remus in a supply closet in The Three Broomsticks (the party venue) for a few minutes, and see what happens.

Was it a great idea? No, but would it get some clueless people to think for a moment? Absolutely.

Just as they were figuring out the logistics to the plan, Marlene suggested to play "The Closet Game".

Which her and Mary made up last time, and It was a bit it.

Basically, everyone would decide on one person to go into the closet and wait. Then, everyone would then close their eyes and someone else would have to decide themselves to go in after the person. Once that person was in the closet, they would shut the door. Everyone outside of the closet had a few minutes to guess who was in the closet.

After a few rounds, and some right and wrong guesses.

Lily voted on you to go in the closet first. Then Marlene. Then Mary. Then Dorcas. Then Alice. Then Sirius. Then everyone.

Well, everyone except for Remus.

He didn't seem very enthused, clearly only playing because you were.

There weren't that many playing, but he did know of some of the blokes playing and he didn't want you anywhere near them.

So then, it was time to close their eyes.

Remus' eyes shut, and he panicked.

The wait inside the closet felt antagonizingly long, until- you heard the door click shut.

Someone had walked in.

Tune in next time on; so american <3

so american taglist

@hisparentsgallerryy @lydpop @amatoanima @po3tbbygirl @thequeen0fhearts @yourlittlefries @jsprien213 @liviessun @wandasbitch22 @michtellch @hellokitty-girl666

[essektheylyss]

while we're airing grievances for fun and profit, it remains fucking wild to me that "read theory challenge" was used as a bizarre gotcha for so much of the campaign by people who almost certainly could not have won that challenge if they'd been called on it.

like yeah, you're suuuuch a superior intellectual decolonialist scholar. tell me more about how your only reading suggestions are a vague "foucault", the communist manifesto, and ursula le guin's wikiquote page.

[neoraso]

bf things with boynextdoor

03z + 04z

sungho

cooks for you without a second thought. wants his baby fed and even before you started dating he always made extra when he knew you were coming around

sticks up for you always. if he sees ANYONE mistreating or teasing you too much he makes sure to end it there.

thinks you're THE funniest person alive. laughs harder and smiles more when you're around

lots of dates (shopping, cafe, eating, museums,etc.) but also loves to just stay in, cook and watch movies with you, talking and cuddling, he serenades you sometimes playfully >_<

loves to play with your hair and hold your hands- so simple but its so endearing and special to him to feel the back of your hand or your fingers curled in his own.

riwoo

was literally so shy around you before you started dating, now you are the person he feels most at home with. he doesn’t say it all the time but it shows when he’s around other people

carries your bags for you, holds your drink, etc. with no hesitance- even if someone points it out

is quite observant about your moods, habits, likes and dislikes. prides himself on knowing things about you no one else seems to care about-especially when he pulls out the most thoughtful gifts that leave you floored

feels a sense of responsibility for your care and overall wellbeing, but also feels incredibly comforted and safe with you

loves to share food and treats with you, all the time but especially when you look like you need a pick me up

jaehyun

he tries to not hang off of you like a backpack but fails within an hour and especially at night

everyone he introduces you to, coworkers, family members, friends, etc., all act like they know you from how much he talks about you. he thinks the world of you and loves to brag

every time he sees you it's like you've been gone for 6 years, even if it's only been a day; hugs so tight and gives 1 billion kisses, coos at you

an obvious mention: cute aggression that occurs so often it might be like a chronic affliction... srsly... kisses your face and head with a surprising amount of force and ur literally js sitting there, minding ur business

he elevates you. he's a great guy who you know deserves the world and it makes you want to live up to that. he feels the same about you and you guys encourage each other to be your best selves.

taesan

loves to have matching items with you (will spend hours customizing shoes or hats for you both)

loves days in where u just listen to whatever records you picked up the last time he brought you to the shop and lay there or slow dance around

lovessss meaningful gifts and gestures. will buy or make you snacks when you’re stressed or just bc would steal the moon for you if you asked

thinks everything you do is so cute and perfect and wonderful. literally so biased he will choose you to win over anyone

likes to pick you up from work or school even if its just to walk to the bus stop together and ride home (greatest protector award goes to…!!!)

leehan

your rock. soothes all your worries no matter how silly they seem. says really profound things like they're simple and- you guess they are when he’s around.

treats you oh so softly; tucks your hair behind your ears, pulls you into a hug like you're glass

nothing is embarrassing to him, he will wash your hair, shave your legs, brush your teeth for you. just ask and he’s there

likes when you sit with him while he watches his fishies,, you dont even have to be watching too but he feels so content with both of his favorite things to be around

the type where if you fall asleep on the couch instead of moving you, he'll just slip next to you to sleep too <<33

[ds9promenade]

Transcript because everyone deserves to enjoy this

(some ums, cut-off phrases etc. are edited out)

Siddig:

Stories about Andy Robinson. Ahh, god! *crowd laughs* Everyone thought Andy Robinson — the Garak character — and Julian Bashir for years were possibly a homosexual couple. *crowd laughs* And he actively encouraged that! That was actually all right! That was all right. Except it didn't leave much room for Bashir to do any stuff, you know?

But I don't really have many stories about Andy —

Nana Visitor:

You know, you just made me think, "I've gotta bring this bit" —

Siddig:

You got a good story about Andy?

Visitor:

No, I got a clip, an outtake that they sent me from one of the last shows we filmed of me not being able to keep a straight face —

Siddig:

Ohhhh, Andy's speech!

Visitor:

And Andy saying some waaay over-the-top line, saying it in typical Andy fashion. And it was too much for me. We were in the Cardassian hell(?) chamber and you know all of that, and I laughed.

I laughed take after take after take and he kept saying "Come on! Pull it together! Pull it together!"

And it was something like "We'll cut off the worm's head!" and it was like, it was really like —

Siddig (being completely wrong lol):

Ohh yes, I remember this scene! It was the scene where he was explaining how to eat worm!

Visitor:

No no no

Siddig:

Ah *crowd laughs*

Visitor:

About a time in the Cardassian thing, and —

Crowd member:

"Cut off the snake's head and the body will die."

Visitor:

*gleeful* "Cut off the snake's head and the body will die." Thank you very much, that's exactly the saying. In typical Andy, you know, really big — and he was committed to that line, both feet in, and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my life. *crowd laughs*

Siddig:

To add one thing: people had to be really careful working with Andy, you always had to keep him in a good mood. Not because he was naturally an angry man, never! You meet him generally and he's like the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He's like a teddy bear, you push it over.

But once he's in that stuff — he's in literally a wetsuit glued to his body...he gets hotter and hotter. Andy has no heat retention capability whatsoever. *crowd laughs* Two minutes in that suit, he's like, *impressively good Andy impression* Okay, I'm gonna blow......Let's get this over with... *jerking his head back and forth in rage* Cut! Cut! *enraged sounds* *crowd laughs*

Every day, he's like a little powder keg, you gotta be a little careful with Andy; you can ask him about that. I think Wednesday I'm doing something with Andy and I don't know if you're gonna be there but if you are, ask him that. *clenched teeth* "Andy's gonna blow...Andy's gonna blow everybody" — and he did, often.

Visitor:

Oh yeah.

Siddig:

*pretending to be Andy "blowing" again*

Visitor:

And when he blows, he blows big-time — but a lot of people did, in the makeup — it gets to you after a while. When I was a Cardassian for twenty hours, I was in this makeup, I started to say to the director — I do not do this, I am professional — I started to pull at it and say "That was it, that was your last take"

This is a clip from a YouTube upload by Mary Knasinski of Sid and Nana in Missouri in 2000. They are asked about working with Andy and Nana recounts an outtake of being unable to stop laughing to get a scene done with Andy that then irritates him because (as Sid says) for Garak he was “in a wetsuit glued to his body” and he can’t stand the heat, thus he wants to get his scenes done as soon as possible so he can get out of costume. Sid then goes on to give THE best impersonation of an angry and irritated Andy that only a best friend can do so wonderfully.

[two-entire-bits]

Once Marcia & Two-Bit start dating and Marcia learns enough sign she'll see the gang cursing out Socs when she's hanging out with her Soc friends and snicker to herself and they'll beg her to tell them what they're saying but she NEVER snitches. Half the time when the Socs get their panties in a twist over it the gang aren't even taunting them, they're just talking to each other in the vicinity of a Soc.

When Marcia figures this out she starts REALLY playing into it. Like, she'll see some of the guys she's hanging out with glaring over at the gang and she'll snicker or slap a hand over her mouth, just fake any type of reaction, and they’ll interrogate her to try and get her to tell them what they said and every time she's just like "oh no I can't repeat it, it's like, morally reprehensible, I would never say that out loud" "oh no, no, it's nothing, it's nothing!" "I'm not comfortable with repeating it, it's like, really really bad" etc etc etc and the boys will LOSE their shit. And it turns out it was just Pony enthusiastically telling Soda, Two, and Johnny about something that happened in the book he's reading.

Two thinks it's the funniest thing ever and gets the gang in on it, so then whenever they notice some Socs glaring daggers at them they'll play up their normal conversations to make it seem like they're saying the most vulgar shit ever. And it's just Soda talking about a stray cat that showed up at the DX the other day.

[nopointic]

my adventures with being asexual and getting my tubes removed as a 33 year old virgin in a red state in 2025

my gynecologist is so funny and sweet because i'm asexual and he remembers that, but he always brings up birth control and safe sex by habit and i dutifully nod along. and he's like awww yeah you're ASEXUAL now but in the future???? you might wanna??? and i'm like hmmmm maybe???? but better safe than sorry!!! and we smile and laugh but there is an understanding of something bigger. we're not naive. we live in a red state. women's rights and health care are being stripped every fucking day. i am young. i am not married. i am asking for something that doctors usually just turn down immediately.

and then we go on to continue to plan for my surgery for getting my tubes removed and it's so fucking funny to me.

he's like, ok so no babies. no babies!!!!! but maybe one day you might want sex! i dunno. but no babies for sure! and i'm like yep!!!!! he gets me! this was easier coming out the closet to him than my parents. my parents still do not comprehend that i am asexual. to them it's me saying odd phrases and a just a phase. i am 33 and have never dated or even kissed someone. i openly gag dramatically when someone brings up sex on a tv show. i'm like YUCK 🤢. could NOT be me. we all laugh but they still think it's me bullshitting i guess. asexual? what does that even MEAN? they just say ok and move along.

meanwhile the nurses and medical assistants are SO confused on me not being on ANY birth control. because they always ask and i say, nah, i'm not taking any. AND THEY LOOK AT ME IN HORROR. and then i say, i'm ABSTINENT. and one lady was like?????? i said I DO NOT HAVE SEX MA'AM. and she was honest to god still confused????

but my gyno is like, yes, she is ASEXUAL duh, she doesn't have sex. and he smiles and moves along.

the funniest shit!!!!!

but i am forever grateful he's so normal about me being asexual. because even my therapist was like, um it's because of your parents bad marriage and you were abused and you don't know for sure it could be a hormonal problem blah blah blah and i told my gyno and he bless his heart went, ok. that's what YOU choose right? you're FINE with that? and i said yeah. and he said cool. that's YOUR decision and you don't have to do anything you don't want. and we then went on to discuss my medical problems. (i have a shit ton)

but yeah. some people think being asexual is something that needs to be fixed immediately and i'm glad my gyno, this one in a million white guy who reminds me of steve rogers aka captain america, just went ok, cool.

sexuality is fluid. he never says oh you'll change your mind in a condescending way. he doesn't ask me why i don't want sex. he just wants me to be ok with my choices and make sure i don't have a baby if i do not want a baby. because shit happens. sadly that is the plain truth. bad things happen like rape and he's like, you don't want kids ever? i'm gonna make sure that stays true. he is so real for that.

even though i am asexual and i don't have sex.

i lucked up in finding a gyno in a red state that cares so deeply about my body and my decisions. i wish everyone had that.

anyways shout out to my gyno going you're asexual?! and then always smiling and saying, yes, you're asexual but NO KIDS RIGHT! 😂😂😂😂😂😂 nah, no kids. team no kids for life. thank you!

oh and virginity is a social construct ya know.

not wanting sex is not the end of the world.

and i can only imagine what my fellow lesbians go through at the gyno. like. the nurse nearly had a fit when i said i don't use any contraceptives. she really hit me with the SO HOW ARE YOU NOT GETTING PREGNANT HUH?

i don't have sex babes.

oh and yes i've gotten the "but you're pretty" lines too. not sure what the fuck being pretty and rocking cute clothes got to do with me being asexual but go off!

[himbopunk]

For hakim: i think the concept terrifies him cuz hes scared of commitment so itd take a little bit post-game to feel comfortable with the idea but eventually the idea that he wants to spend his life with lucanis nests in his brain and the second lucanis proposes he Will say yes. (Not sure how this is working with the neve throuple situation. i feel like shed be similarly a bit touchy on it and i feel like hakim just barrels into the subject one day like. Hey neve you wanna get married and shes like what the hell rook). i feel like the wedding would be in antiva, though rook would kind of prefer to do it back in rivain, i think theres a certain amount of appeasing caterina that has to be done. he is wearing as much as his rivaini gold and such as possible though. oh god i want to design wedding outfits now.

i think esp w the throuple sitch that the actual ceremony is done first fairly privately, so its like caterina, illario (lol), teia, viago, the veilguard so davrin, bellara, emmrich, taash, i'm undecided if they ever manage to track down hakim's dad but if not theyd leave a seat open for him and harding despite knowing they wont be there & isabela is there cuz shes the closest thing hakim has to family at this point. i dont. Know if neve has living family i never remember seeing her talk about it??? shrug. maybe rana and tarquin show up. uhhh strife, antoine and evka. thats it. the reception though? oh buddy the reception is a party, tons of crows, lords, raiders and even some shadow dragons in one place means someone is getting poisoned (alcohol or otherwise) and something is getting blown up by the end of the night.

traditions wise i feel like its mostly a traditional antivan wedding that teia and caterina did most the planning for with rook occasionally throwing in some must haves for rivaini like. theyd all be tiny superstition things you do at weddings like to appease spirits n such. which is funny bc i dont think hakim generally comes off as superstitious but hes a sailor at heart i guess. i think seer rowan officiates also for this reason. i think neve has some little things she brings to it as well but i cant. Think of anything specific other than like food and attire

for iktom... he heard that dialogue w harding and emmrich where emmrich says hed hoped hed get married someday and is immediately hearing wedding bells. he struggles to wait until the endgame to ask about it and i think emmrich and him had both mentally prepped a whole thing on how to approach the subject but in reality what happens is theyre doing a small mission in arlathan or something helping out in the postgame and when they defeat whatever it is iktom blurts out DO YOU WANNA GET MARRIED and kills emmrich on the spot DHFKSKGKS trying to figure out who the funniest third person to be here would be. i can picture bellara there like omg... i dont think iktom cares Where the wedding is, though i dont think he wants a huge to do about it. i think it happens in nevarra and its a fairly closed event... more than Just Family probably but nothing spectacular.

emmrich does a lot of the planning, iktom only has a small handful of anderfel traditions to add to the mix (i think his first wedding was mostly dwarven in tradition so they may be things he didnt get to do then and kinds regretted not doing) (i think theres like One qunari thing also he talks to taash about cuz the qunari dont exactly. Have marriages under the qun so?? but maybe theres other ideas of partnership n such or a symbolic gesture that still works & emmrich is very excited to incorporate). I know emmrich is going to serve absolute cunt in the outfit he picks god. iktom is going to pass out. i feel like one of them cries. iktoms outfit is fairly plain in comparison but maybe has a little flair cuz lucanis helped with it. get him a nice little like shoulder cloak situation idk.

i think antoine and/or evka officiate the wedding, mamfreds the ringbearer For Sure. a bunch of mourn watchers and a handful of spirits that emmrich is friendly with are there, including hezenkoss' skull fsr. handful of wardens, iktoms father if hes still alive by this point. his ex wife, and staalgard (who is buddies w his ex wife And harding atp so.) i think illario viago and teia show up with lucanis and neve. (at one point illario starts flirting with iktoms ex wife and lucanis warns him hes playing with fire) (if bouquets are tossed taash reaches over everyone to grab it and harding is very flustered about it)

Hey, hope you all had a good weekend! Unfortunately, it’s Monday =/ Fortunately, it’s time for Rook Intro Hour! 🍀🌺🌼🌸

How it works: I ask you a question about your Rook(s) and you answer it with as much brevity or verbosity as you desire. You can do this whenever you want, and I’ll reblog it + add some comments! There’s no time limit— if you want to do the older ones, they are collected here! (The post is updated on Fridays!)

Today’s Question(s): Does your Rook want to get married to their LI(s)? Do they care about where? Is there a specific tradition/traditions they want to follow, when they do? Who would they invite? What would they wear?

Have fun & thanks for sharing!

[cottoncandylesbo]

I fully believe Musk has at minimum three different teams of yes men who follow him everywhere, laugh at his shitty non-jokes, and always open the conversation for him to “yes and-” because if he doesn’t get the attention he craves he’ll actually kill himself straight up and pull some John McAfee shit like tweeting ‘the radical left are after me! 😂😂😂 good luck libbies!’ before he does it

Like there’s being an attention whore and then there’s whatever’s going on in that miserable sack of shit’s life, and I honestly wouldn’t wish the latter on my worst enemy because that honestly seems worse than just being dead straight up

elon is that one super racist kid in your middle school algebra class, who then got his hands on several billion dollars. he's stuck in that prepubescent insecurity that insists that he has to be the smartest, funniest, most popular boy in the whole wide room. he'll never really be happy, even if this government changes to his exact specifications (spoilers: it won't, because he's not the one in charge.) but it doesn't really matter because it's obvious that's not why he's wormed his way into the white house.

the rube goldberg machine of inheriting an apartheid emerald mine, growing up in a family that casually profits from and continues it, losing his partners and children (for reasons that are most assuredly his fault), and recently the failures that are "X" and the cybertruck, among other countless moments of embarrassment and cruelty... these things cascading onto each other in his brain have poisoned him, continually, since he was born. he's fundamentally a pathetic, sad, insecure little man. i envy nothing about him.

[dragqueenstarscream]

How do you feel about TFA Starop? I honestly adore their comical height difference and the idea of tiny Optimus being the funniest big spoon to his massive birb bf

criminally underrated imo. it's not often we have starscream as the tall one in the relationship, and he deserves to take that win.

i also love the idea of these two hardheads getting into arguments constantly. like, even if starscream joined the autobots, or at least left the decepticons and did his own thing, he'd be the world's biggest pain in the ass. once he has some cockamamie idea in his head, he will act on it, primus be damned. optimus is the only one who can even try to get him to see reason, but sometimes neither of them wanna back down, unstoppable force meet immovable object and all of that. this leads to angry interface, after which the two of them finally calm down... at least until the argument starts back up again, and the cycle repeats.

i also love the idea of some bot trying to go after optimus, only for starscream to scruff him like a cat and say something like, "this is MY autobot! go find your own!"

[scuderlia]

tldr; got bored and accidentally initiated an under-negotiated bdsm relationship with my coworker

Lando rolls his eyes again—it’s the third time since they sat down, not like Oscar’s been counting. An intern just suggested a mildly obnoxious PR move—something about McLaren’s socials needing a rebrand now that they’re “getting serious” about things. Oscar kind of finds it funny, this whole thing, because it’s always been serious, for him at least. But he bites his tongue. 

“Reckon they’ll make us sing again?” Lando’s gone and pushed his chair closer, leaning into Oscar’s personal space.

“Probably.” Oscar says, ignoring the way Lando’s lip quirks up at the reply.

Lando’s smile is growing, like Oscar’s just said the funniest thing in the world. “Right, yeah, probably.” 

The rest of the meeting blurs together, punctuated by the steady bounce of Lando’s leg next to his.

It’s been odd, watching things ramp up—given how horrific they were last year. His most direct comparison is Lando, who’s devolved into a bundle of kinetic energy that seems to pull at Oscar’s skin like static. Even when Zak dismisses them with a bad joke about being late for golf, Oscar stays put, like he’s tethered to his teammate. A teammate who, at some point over the course of the past hour, gave up on trying to hide his feelings. 

Lando makes a quiet noise as everyone starts to stand, “It’s like they think we need instructions.” He huffs, crossing his arms over himself. “Like—like we need to be led around or something.” 

Later, Oscar's going to think about it, how he almost missed it—how Lando’s voice trailed off at the end, like it does when he realizes mid-sentence that he’s gone and said something incriminating. 

And later, when Oscar’s got his hand shoved down the front of his pants in a company bathroom stall, he’ll blame the noise, and the light, and the runny eggs he had for breakfast for why he says: “You like it though.”

An arm’s length away, Lando’s chewing the inside of his cheek, his face contorting in response. “Like what?” 

Oscar wants to laugh, because it’s obvious, what the what is. It almost feels silly to answer. “Being—I dunno,” he moves to sit up, “told what to do.” 

That gets a reaction. 

Lando chokes, then opens and closes his mouth a few times, then blinks in a way that looks like it hurts. When he gets like this—so embarrassed that it’s like his body is glitching—Oscar’s learned to just sit and wait for it to play out. Still, it doesn’t get any easier. 

“I don’t—what are you even—” Lando sputters, shaking his head. “I’m not—mate—you’re—”

“Christ,” Oscar mutters, heaving himself up to leave. “I’m not accusing you, alright. I just thought, y’know—” he stretches his arms over his head, watches as Lando’s eyes dart to where he can feel the cold of the aircon making his skin twinge, “thought you might like it if I did that.”

[mzannthropy]

Remember what they said about Haydee in the new The Count of Monte Cristo series: "not a frightened slave but a brave and empowered woman". I know I've mentioned it more times than I care to remember, and now I've seen the show, the funniest thing is that ***some mild spoilers here but nothing that gives away the ending*** she IS frightened when she first appears. (As a change from the book, she has not been with the count all this time but arrives to his house in Paris in E5.) And like it's the most natural thing that she is frightened, why the hell would she not be frightened, she doesn't know the man who bought her and she doesn't know at that stage that he freed her, but also, isn't the point of bravery being scared but doing it anyway? (Is that not what Ned Stark was always on about. Not that it helped him. But you know what I mean.) Also like, Jacopo is a bastard, don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but he is a bastard, so Haydee is right in being cautious about him. And she doesn't stay frightened for long, after the count explains the situation, she is not frightened anymore. But another thing that I just thought of: I'm not sure who exactly said that line, but if it was Carlo Degli Esposti, well, if he said it in Italian, maybe it didn't translate well into English, or if he said it in English, maybe he phrased it wrong, bc speaking another language is not just translating word by word.

All in all, I think they handled that storyline well, but as always, YMMV. (I am nothing if not heretical *shrug*.)

[diekleinesuesse]

Being best friends with Changbin:

Being best friends with Changbin would be an absolute rollercoaster of fun, chaos, and deep emotional support. From the outside, people might assume that he’s just the tough, confident rapper with a powerful stage presence, but as his best friend, you’d know the real Seo Changbin the softhearted, hilarious, and endlessly caring person behind the music

Endless Roasting Sessions & Playful Banter

One of the biggest parts of being best friends with Changbin would be the constant banter. He’s known for his quick wit and playful teasing, so expect to be roasted on a daily basis. But don’t worry it’s all out of love. Whether it’s making fun of your outfit, calling you “short” (even if you’re taller than him), or mocking your pronunciation of certain words, he’d always find a way to keep things entertaining.

Of course, you’d have to give it right back. Changbin loves when people match his energy, so if you clap back with an equally sassy remark, he’d just laugh and high-five you. The banter never crosses the line into anything mean he’d never want to hurt your feelings. Instead, it would be a constant game of who can come up with the funniest insult or the most dramatic reaction.

Gym buddies for live

Changbin is known for being one of the most dedicated gym-goers in Stray Kids. If you were his best friend, he would absolutely try to drag you to the gym with him. Even if you weren’t into working out, he’d encourage you to at least try it “Just come with me once! I promise you’ll feel amazing afterward!” (Spoiler: you might be sore for days.)

If you actually enjoyed the gym, you’d be his ultimate workout partner. He’d hype you up constantly “LET’S GO! YOU GOT THIS! LOOK AT THOSE GAINS!” and probably challenge you to random competitions like “Who can hold a plank the longest?” (He’d win, but you’d pretend you let him win.)

If you weren’t a fan of the gym at all, he wouldn’t force you, but he’d still send you random gym selfies with captions like “Guess who’s getting stronger while you’re still in bed?” just to mess with you.

Late-Night Deep Talks

Despite his energetic personality, Changbin is actually very sentimental and introspective. As his best friend, you’d get to see that side of him a lot. He’d be the kind of person who randomly texts you at 2 AM like, “Hey, do you ever wonder what life would be like if we made different choices?”

Whenever one of you was feeling down, he’d be the first to check in. He’d insist on meeting up whether it was going for a drive, grabbing late-night food, or just sitting on a park bench talking about life. He’s the type to listen carefully and give thoughtful advice, but he’s also really good at making you laugh even in your worst moments.

Likewise, he’d trust you enough to open up about his struggles too. He might joke around all the time, but he carries a lot of responsibility and pressure. As his best friend, you’d be one of the few people he could truly be vulnerable with.

Studio Hangouts & Exclusive Song Previews

Being best friends with Changbin means spending a LOT of time in the studio. He’s constantly working on new music, and he’d definitely invite you to hang out while he writes, produces, and records. He’d play you unreleased tracks and ask for your opinion “Be honest. Does this verse sound good, or should I change it?”

If you had any musical skills (singing, rapping, writing lyrics, etc.), he’d absolutely hype you up and encourage you to join in. Even if you didn’t, he’d still make you feel involved, maybe by letting you mess around with the soundboard or teaching you how to mix a track.

And of course, there would be plenty of silly moments too freestyle rap battles, making weird beats just for fun, and singing the most random things dramatically just to make each other laugh.

Food Adventures & Late-Night Snacks

Changbin LOVES food, so a big part of your friendship would revolve around eating. Whether it’s trying new restaurants, ordering way too much takeout, or late-night convenience store runs, he’d always be down for a food adventure.

He’d probably make fun of your food choices (“Ew, why would you put that on your pizza?”) but still end up stealing bites from your plate. If you ever cooked something for him, he’d dramatically rate it “This is a 10/10 meal. You should open a restaurant.”

And if you both stayed up late (which would happen often), you’d raid the kitchen together and eat snacks while watching random YouTube videos or talking about life.

Protective Big Brother Energy

Even if you were older than him, Changbin would still act like your protective big brother. If anyone upset you, he’d be the first to step up “Who do I need to fight?” (half-joking but also kind of serious).

If you were feeling anxious or insecure, he’d be the first to hype you up “Are you kidding? You’re amazing. They just don’t have good taste.”

And if you ever got lost in a crowded place or had trouble with something, he’d go full Problem Solver Mode, making sure you were okay.

The Ultimate Concert Hype Man

If you ever went to a Stray Kids concert, Changbin would go out of his way to make sure you had the best experience. Even if you were in the audience, he’d find a way to acknowledge youpointing at you, making silly faces, or hyping you up from the stage.

After the show, he’d text you something like, “Did you see how cool I looked? Be honest.”

If you were backstage, he’d be even more dramatic running up to you after the performance like, “DID YOU SEE THAT?! I KILLED IT, RIGHT?” and expecting you to shower him with compliments.

Nonstop Laughter & Unforgettable Memories

At the end of the day, being best friends with Changbin would mean never having a dull moment. He’s funny without even trying, and his energy is contagious. Whether it’s laughing until your stomach hurts, making up weird inside jokes, or having completely ridiculous conversations, he’d always make sure you were having fun.

But more than that, he’d be the kind of friend who sticks with you through everything the good, the bad, and the chaotic. He’d be your biggest supporter, your partner in crime, and your safe place all in one.

Being best friends with Changbin wouldn’t just mean having fun it would mean having someone who genuinely cares, who listens, who hypes you up, and who always, always has your back.

[servndipityz]

namgyu definitely uses those 3 in 1 face hair body gels. that guy CANT take care off his hair at all. also i think when hes working he’s ties his hair into a ponytail.

yeah i just wanted to yap about his hair can you blame me 😔😔

PH MY GAWWWDDD thank you so much anon for this because you’re so right!!!!!

i lowkey think a 3-in-1 is too fancy for him, actually. i fully believe he just washes his hair with regular shower gel—if he remembers to! it wouldn’t be the first time he’s forgotten and just… watered it down like a plant.

i also think his shower gel is some random one he stole from a hotel. yk, those little bottles they leave in the bathroom, so cheap that the hotel doesn’t even care if you take them.

the man could wash himself with hand sanitizer, HE DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!! but don’t get me wrong, i think he’s a pretty clean guy.

like, i feel like he’d get so bothered by body odor or just feeling dirty in general, even if his way of handling it is using a 10473829-in-1 gel and axe deodorant.

he’d invest in a good perfume, though. fully believes it’s the easiest way to smell good without putting in all that effort. definitely thinks he’s cracked the code.

he just doesn’t really care all that much about his hair, i fear. it’s just… there. i don’t think he gives it a second thought, but he does think he looks good with that hair length. doesn’t cut it himself, but some druggie friend who swears he “took lessons” (his ex was a hairdresser) does it for him, and all he asks for in return is a blunt or two.

now the ponytail……… the ponytail………. thank u so much anon for putting that image in my mind.

so. the man has absolute no idea of how to do a ponytail, and would rather die than ask.

probably thinks that if he doesn’t know how to “properly” do it, he can get away with wearing a ponytail bc it's in a nonchalant, manly way. definitely binge-watched a video tutorial on it while high but turned it off the second the woman in the video called him “sweetheart.”

anyway, one way or another, he manages. he mostly only puts it up for work—when he has to move boxes around or clean the venue before a big event. but he can’t tie it all the way, so the front pieces are always falling in front of his face.

the only time he actually makes the effort to tie it properly is when eating pussy.

probably uses a random rubber band he took from a wad of cash instead of an actual hair tie. always has it on his wrist. lost it during one of the games, which is why he’s constantly pushing his hair behind his ears.

ORRRR ALTERNATIVELY…… he lost it because he thought it was the funniest thing to keep throwing it at you—until one time, it flew too far while walking up the stairs. has also accidentally hit other players with it while trying to annoy you.

lastly, i think he once laughed at some dude for wearing a man bun, until his friend pointed out that, technically, while it’s not exactly a man bun, nam-gyu also wears a ponytail. didn’t speak to his friend for the rest of the day.

[puzzledprose]

dates with ronin please im STARVING 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Ask and I shall oblige 💕

I’ve had a few requests for this now so I really need to get around to it.

Dates with Ronin!

I mentioned this in a previous post but Ronin loves watching horror movies with you. Only the most gruesome for you two. He absolutely loves when you get scared. He thinks it’s the funniest thing. By the time you become accustomed to the gore Ronin’s already teasing you about succumbing to his corruption.

He also likes parallel play (killing people together), thinks it’s the most romantic thing ever it is. Would love to teach you how to wield a crowbar. Or any other weapon of your choosing, but the bloodier the better. He gives you a whole master course on murder, weak points of the body, how to swing, how to lure someone there in the first place, the whole thing. Ronin believes there is nothing hotter in this world than having a lover covered it guts and gore, so hopefully you think so too!

On the less illegal side, Ronin likes having you around while he’s working. It’s nice to have company while he does absentminded work.

I can’t imagine Ronin liking very expensive dates, he’s certainly not broke but he just doesn’t seem like the kind to have that type of money. Even if he did he doesn’t strike me as a fancy restaurant guy. He’s a sucker for cheap gas station food that gets eaten in a parking lot. Or somewhere I short drive away with a nice view. It’s more intimate to him.

This felt kinda brief lowkey but if I get anymore ideas I’ll either update the post or write smth new 🤷‍♀️

But I just wanted to say thanks for all the asks I’ve been getting ♥️ it’s nice to know that people like my writing and I’m excited to say I’ve got something fire in the drafts rn so keep an eye out for that 😈

[tennessoui]

hey so I just got all my wisdom teeth removed (bleh) and I was thinking about Vowbreaker again

during their relationship, if anakin ever got his wisdom teeth removed, I wonder what he'd be like waking up from anesthesia. if hed spill one of his secrets to mobi-wan or say smth embarrasing

(I personally did say some hella embarrassing shit when I woke up from anesthesia omg😭😭)

oh no you are so brave for getting your wisdom teeth out i dislike anything to do with dentists near my teeth (when i had to get mine out i think i scarred the dentist with my freak out almost as much as he scarred me with the general operation tbh)

BUT in regards to pbatmb verse i think the funniest thing would actually be like...obi-wan leaves coruscant for a very important meeting on the other side of the country (with suppliers, no one that needs immediate threatening, so of course he leaves his guard dog behind)

(his guard dog also has midterms around then)

and anakin develops tooth pain that cody is just so sure is just anakin being a little bitch about separation from his handler slash husband but finally anakin complains so loudly that cody takes him to the dentist and the dentist is like oh it's an infection on this wisdom tooth. but hey, we should probably just take them all out now.

and cody, who has been given anakin rights, is like sure--wait, how long would he be asleep for after that.

and the dentist is like oh, a few hours and then he'll be heavily affected by painkillers for a bit. very sleepy.

and cody, who prefers anakin unconscious generally, is like amazing. perform the surgery.

and the dentist is like i think we need to get the patient's consent first....

and cody is like. oh. damn :( but anakin does consent and then has the surgery and then he does say silly goofy things upon waking up from anesthesia and cody does not think to video tape them and obi-wan is incensed that secrets or at least this new and different side of his anakin was revealed while he was away.

(obi-wan, surprisingly, is a very good caretaker of anakin post surgery though. reminds him half the time to clean out the pockets where the teeth were. but also tries to contact the dentist to ask him if he could maybe keep the teeth. is shot down for biomedical hazard reasons. dentist is shot. for insane person reasons.)

[pedricos]

fluffy alphabet with marc bernal !!!

Marc Bernal – A to Z, Fluff alphabet .ᐟ

a.n: im deeply sorry for the delay! hope u like it <33

warnings: tooth rotting fluff!!

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

he loves everything about you, nothing more or nothing less. but he loves your confidence the most!

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

he loveeees to grab your waist! he's passing by? hands on your waist. you're cooking? he's hugging your waist. you two are literally joined by the hip!

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

he doesn't mind being the little spoon, but he prefers when you are! he loves to snuggle in your neck and feel your perfume.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

he's not a fan of fancy restaurants, so just a picnic in the park, with a lots of snacks and laughs sound just like heaven to him!

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

he's very open about his feelings! if he's inscure, he'll tell you, if he's sad for some reason, he'll let it out to out. this man is a open book!

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

he thinks you two are too young to start a family now, but in the future, he seem himself being a girl's dad! and he hopes they come out looking just like you.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

its his love language! he doesn't let you spend a coin on him tho.. but he likes when you make him little handmade gifts and tries to make them too now and then

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

his hands are pretty sweaty by nature, he prefers when you two walk around with you holding his arm rather than holding hands.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

he takes care of you the most. if its a flu, he'll ask his mother to bring you soup, if it's an physical injury he's not letting you move a finger to do anything!

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

in your opinion, he's the funniest alive! he always have some joke to make about everything! the only pranks he'll pull on you are tiktok trends.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

loves, and i mean, loves to take it slow! he's a romantic kisser! he doesn't like to take it too fast, but sure enjoy the moment a lot.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

gift giving! he saw a cute bunny with a bow? he bought it! he saw a cat phone case? you already have five, all different colors!

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

the first time you slept together. it didn't happened anything, just two teenagers watching movies all night and eating take outs.. but the moment he saw you sleeping so soundly on his chest, he realized it.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

you leaving him for another player. he knows that there are lots of good players around there, that have more play time, that have better salaries.. he just can't bear the thought of it!

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

he's always coming up with a new nickname and never, ever, repeats the same one! and it's always the silliest things!

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

every pet name! cariña, guapa, gatita..

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

he'll spend time with you by teaching how to play video games! you always win, even if you just learned, but he proclaims he let's you win.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

kali uchis' songs were made for him and he also dedicates them to you.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

alongside with gossiping his friend's secrets, he's very open hearted about his own. you have all his trust in all subjects possible.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

you new eachother for a loong period of time, being childhood best friend's it was hard to tell if was just a strong bond or a crush, but after realizing it, maybe a year.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

he's sooo pouty! arms crossed, pouty lips and let the drama starts.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

he cannot shut up about you! his teammates know every step you take just by being 5 minutes with him.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you?)

he's not the strongest boy, so he would adventure throwing punches, but he's very protective over you.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

he always know. he knows everything! he realizes when you're sad, the exact time you got hungry.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

it was your birthday, you both sat with your feet in the warm pool by the sunset. the day was great, all of your friends were there and he was too. you two were being casual by now, but he was the one to take a step further that day.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

when you caresses his hair! he's on cloud nine when your fingers run throughout his locks.

im always scared of writing to him and it be too out of character.. but i hope im picturing right!

requests are openn again!! bye bye, hope u like it 💋