#the fucking parallels made me cry i'm ngl

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Judas in the Window (18+)

pairing: priest(apprentice)!chan x fem!collegestudent!reader

genre: ANGST ANGST and smut (mdni), childhood best friends to..?

description: you return home from college, after not seeing your old town for three years. your childhood best friend has been waiting for you.

warnings: no. genuinely so sad. religious guilt, blasphemy ig, slutshaming, degradation (f. receiving), praise (f. receiving), desperation, fingering (f. receiving), humiliation, unprotected sex (do not do this shit), brief breeding kink, mentions of past unhappiness, reader has beef with her old self fr, alcohol consumption, pet names (darling, baby, some more i dont recall), LOTS of biblical references, i warned you this is incredibly sad and wether it's a good ending is certainly debatable, reader has both her parents (if u dont, same, just imagine the dad as adam sandler and the mom as gwendoline christie), the dad is the best character x

quotes from my proofreader: "i have a new pair of panties at the ready", "im horny and angry, some say hangry", "AAAAAA"

wordcount: 8.3k

a/n: it is 2:30 am. my proofreader is asleep and i might go crazy if i dont post this now, so if there are any mistakes in the last part i am sorry, ill fix it later lmao

Your room hasn’t changed a bit.

You’re not sure why the sight knocks the wind out of you. You suppose you’d thought your parents might do something with it - maybe give your dad a “man cave” or whatever other pained, heteronormative solution to hating each other. But it’s the same exact thing. Your bed, horrible orange wood, pink princess sheets, and your desk right beside you where you stand in the doorway, all cluttered with glitter pens and marker sets and a small mirror. 

“Isn’t this great, honey?” your mom squeals, old hands squeezing your shoulders. It takes you a second to reply. You’re not even sure you want to step inside the room. “Yeah, yeah, it’s great, mom.” 

“I’m getting dinner ready, you just settle yourself in!” she says, practically vibrating at your presence. She’s so happy, it jabs at your stomach with guilt, that you can’t even bring yourself to enter. You watch her disappear down the stairs, making a funny face when she catches your eye. You half-smile tiredly. Then you’re looking at it again.

It’s like a totally closed off time capsule. Your fingers play with the doorframe, looking at the stains in the carpet, that you vividly remember creating as a clumsy child. You see the stickers on your closet-door, and the faint outline of the stickers you’d taken down. You see toys, whose names you remember, you see terrible drawings over your bed, hung with glitter tape, and you see yourself. The you that you were certain you’d stuck in the dirt and buried. The one you’d worked over-over-overtime to never see again. She was somehow alive and well in this room. A part of you roamed with a horde of anxiety, birthed by the thought that once you entered, you and her would fuse together, and all the flaws you’d had would be reignited, and you would be miserable again.

“You not going in, champ?” you jump at your father’s voice behind you. You turn to see him exiting your parents’ bedroom, taking heavy, loggy steps towards the staircase. You shake your head: “No, I am, it’s just..” you pause and turn back to the room, letting out a heavy sigh. “It’s weird.” 

Your father pauses. He has his reading glasses pushed all the way down to the tip of his nose, so he leans his head back and squints to study you. “Well- well- well, why don’t you just try out for a bit, champ, and if you don’t like it, Uh, well, we’ll situate you on the couch. How’s- how’s that sound?” 

You smile softly. “Sure.” 

“Alright, champ,” he pats your back and finally starts his descent down the stairs. 

You nod to yourself and exhale deeply, face now turned back to the super menacing not-at-all-menacing room before you. Your fears are deeply irrational. You wouldn’t just revert back to your old self. Once you’re half believing it, you finally break the barrier, and take a step inside. 

It’s not so bad after all. Everything is very still. Dust kicked up from your presence slows down around you. You’re standing under the overhead lamp, and it’s not that bad. Not so bad. You drop your duffel bag and sit down on your bed. 

You feel a lot bigger, sitting with bent knees in the plush duvet. You recognize that you can’t be that much bigger than when you last sat here, 18 years old, heading off to college in the big city. And this was the kind of town where neighbors a dozen houses over came to see you off, waving at you with big smiles on their faces, an american flag hoisted up to the blue sky. You remember the grins stretched on their faces, and how you’d been panicked to start the ignition on the car. They’d looked like they were made of wax.

Movement flashes in your peripheral. You turn your head, brushing hair out of the way. The movement is coming from the crack in the curtains. Like Moses parting the red sea, your fingers delicately brush the flimsy fabrics away. You know exactly what - who - you’re about to see. Your heart presses, red and wet, into your throat. 

Chan.

He’s there in the window directly across from yours. You almost don’t recognize him at first. He’s shirtless, pacing around and picking things off the floor, and, God, he’d gotten so big. His arms are so shapely and firm and his stomach is toned and when he turns his back to you, you see how it ripples with muscle, and your mouth is drooping open in shock. 

This is Chan, you try to remember (memories flit of him in his dad’s baseball caps, him on the playground, or on the sandy paths that fade out from the roads on the outskirts of town), but grounding yourself in the memories of him as a kid only serves to hurt you. No, you decide, eyeing his naked torso through the glass, better remember him like this. Like an adult who has faults and wrongs, not an innocent child that you abandon in your haste to grow up. 

He’s looking at you. Suddenly, he’s fucking looking at you. For a moment it seems like he’s confused, maybe fighting with the danger of recognizing you as a real, actual person in the window. Then his eyes are softened and he’s hunched over the paneled window, face split in half as he stares back at you. He used to fit so easily in the frame of that window - now you watch his shoulders press against the framework, unable to squeeze in. 

Your cheeks are burning when you squeeze your eyes shut and smile apologetically. Your childhood best friend who you hadn’t seen in three years had just caught you staring at his fucking abs through his window. You fear he’ll take offense, especially considering how you’d left things off with him, but when you open your eyes, he’s grinning softly and shaking his head. 

He walks away from the small window, and you take this as your cue to leave as well. You fall back on the bed and groan pathetically, body jittery with embarrassment. 

“Y/n, sweetheart! Dinner now!” your mom caws from the floor beneath you and you feel 16 again. This was what you didn’t want. All the power you had accumulated was slipping through your fingers by the minute. 

It’s just five days, you remind yourself. Just five, measly days.

“Coming, mom!”  _____________________________

The fucking bell tower is going. Over and over again and it shouldn’t be this loud, you’re not that close to the church, but it is. 

You lie flat on your back in the smoldering dark, completely still. It’s so loud it feels like it’s coming from inside your head. Like the curved, rusted sides of it are bashing against your skull. You don’t understand how anyone could sleep through this. You don’t understand how Chan could stay here all these years. Maybe that’s just because you couldn’t see yourself here.

You don’t want to think about Chan anymore, but for whatever reason - you can’t decide if it was seeing him (so manly) so suddenly, or if it’s the ever-ringing bell in the distance, like a marker of the apocalypse - he won’t leave your mind tonight. Part of you understood that what had happened with you and Chan was natural, and not particularly anyone’s fault. So why did you still carry the heavy burden of guilt? Guilt that pinched at your nerve endings like the delicate tunes in a children’s music box.

You and Chan had met as children in church. It didn’t take long for you to be best friends. You’d sit next to each other on the neatly lined benches during sermon, then you’d tumble in the grass outside, and then you’d go to his house and play until dinner, after which you’d see each other again, talking from window to window. You spent very nearly every moment with him.

Then you grew apart.

It was a slow death. Seeing each other became a sort of horrific reminder that it was ending, no longer bound by church or friendship, but a mutual understanding. There’d be a sort of solemn silence whenever you locked eyes. Is this the last time? You’d wonder, and the longer it went on, the more you started to wish that it was.

And then it was. 

It was your fault. You were 13 and suddenly you were wearing makeup and your dresses were getting shorter, and you wished you were much older than you were. You started forgetting the principles they’d taught you in church. Or maybe you’d never really learnt it, only tolerated it for Chan. But years passed and by the time you were sixteen, you were being kissed and groped at parties and you were having sex in cars and smearing your lipstick on the rims of shot glasses. 

And Chan was.. Well, Chan. Chan was a skinny, virgin christian. And you liked him, but suddenly there wasn’t much to talk about. From one day to the next, all discussable topics evaporated in your hand, and talking to Chan became a stumbling, bumbling mess. 

After that you were just…. Gone. 18 years old disappearing down the dirt roads in the 2009 Toyota Tacoma, that you’d gotten for your sweet sixteen. Chan was standing on the roadside that day, but he wasn’t sure you saw him. Your wheels kicked up dust and that was all you left behind. A cloud of sand for him to grab at, looking lost in between your tire tracks. At that moment it felt like those last years were two seconds. You just slipped right out of his hands. 

Lying in bed and your heart is so heavy. Maybe it isn’t Chan, you conclude. Maybe it’s what he represented. The face of the church; the face of goodness, of purity; the face of the life you deselected. 

The cry of the bell tower becomes a song in the night. You fall asleep in the devil’s hour. _____________________________

The following day you’re reexploring. The air is dry and the sun beating down on your shoulders. You’re walking through the suburbs and then later the small town square made up of mostly parking lots. You feel peregrine, but trudging through on the pavement, it becomes clear you’re the only one who feels this way. 

Every citizen, every single one of them - in polos, in flower-print dresses, in sandals, in sunglasses - stops you to welcome you back home. They’re shaking your shoulders and they recognize you and can tell you your name and your age, and they say that it’s good you found your way back. Every interaction leaves you more depressed than the last. You’re ducking your head, crumpled up like an unsent love letter. 

Your steps are heavy, your own sandals dragging into the uneven tiles of the square. Then you’re lifting your head from the ground, and your feet have betrayed you. 

You’re standing in the opening to another street of storefronts, and 5 rows of neatly planted trees down, the church sprouts from the earth like a stake. 

It’s not just any small town church. A few steps lead up to a plateau, supported by large, white beams. They may not be Roman, but they’re there, and they’re made of smooth concrete. The building itself is made of red brick, although the color varies and looks dappled. Each side of the church has two stained glass windows, which you remember from your childhood. The door, huge and oaken, ends in a point right beneath a round window, and the bell tower shoots up, a mighty cross at its peak. 

You’re left a little breathless at it. You don’t remember it being so menacing. But there’s also something beautiful about it. How it looks at you like it’ll kill you. And how blunt it is about it. You’re blinking at it and wondering how you got here. It’s as if something’s possessed you, because despite knowing better, you begin to take calm steps towards it, eyes transfixed and soulless. 

You’re walking into the courtyard, gravel underfoot, and then you’re traversing up the steps, fingers barely brushing over the railing. Idling forward, you’re opening the door. 

“And when Mary birthed the-” 

Crrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaak!

Every head snaps towards you, as you’re cracking the door open, and the trance lifts from you. Oh, shit. Your gaze grazes over the stacked benches, smiling apologetically and bopping your head.

You clear your throat. “I’m-” 

You lock eyes with the priest, whose service you just interrupted, where he’s standing before the crowd, bible in hand.

It’s Chan. 

“I’m sorry,” you squeak, voice now much meeker, and you don’t even know what to do, so you just step inside and sit down on the nearest bench. Slowly (and with low scoffs) the sea of heads turn around. One pair of eyes don’t leave you though. Chan studies you for several seconds longer, searching for something in your eyes, but you’re looking away. You just want him to continue. He does.

This is crazy, you think, and you can hardly believe you’re hearing his voice say those words, and it’s him in the clerical shirt. You supposed it made sense. You supposed you understood. But actually you didn’t, not at all. Not when he was supposed to live and change and evolve and here he is years later, dedicating his life to the one and only thing he knows! 

You’re tuning out the rest of his talk, vaguely aware of how his eyes flit over to you a little too frequently. Soon enough you’re absently clasping your hands together in a prayer and then people are lining up to thank Chan for his stellar service. 

You watch them from your seat, debating whether or not to leave without talking to him. Leaving wasn’t a bad idea. You were only gonna be in town for a week more, surely, you could avoid him until then. 

But you know you won’t do that. You want to talk to Chan. You want to feel his hand in your own. Partially you felt like maybe you could save him from just being a decoration to this hellscape for the rest of his life. You’re not sure you could go on living your life, when you know he’s just back here - still here. 

So there you are, planted in the line and hoping to save him from some dull future, and he’s shaking hands and smiling, but you can see how he eyes you, coming up on the line. 

“Thank you, Chan,” you smile warmly, and his hand is grabbing yours and it’s so soft and so big. He’s smiling too. Then you’re coughing and correcting yourself: “Uh- Father. Chan.” 

He laughs at your sputtering, clapping your hand between his two: “Oh, thank you, sister.” Emphasizing with pursed lips and wide eyes. You laugh along a little, but it’s strained. 

His smile fades slowly, and his face relaxes. He wants to say more. His fingers are still pulling your hand to his, and you just keep shaking it, because if you stop, it’ll be weird. Officially. 

“Oh, do you two know each other?” A bobbed woman from behind you in line is purring, unfamiliar hand on your back, and she doesn’t wait for you to answer before she’s talking again: “So, how do you know each other?” 

“Childhood. Friends,” Chan stammers, almost looking at you for confirmation, and you’re nodding along when the woman “ah’s” and “ooh’s”. “Oh, that’s wonderful, you guys!” And then you’re listening to her talk about some trailer down in Cassandra, and how her brother is fixing it up with his old friend, but there’s water damage in the lining of the room, and it’ll mold if they’re not careful, and it’s such useless information, you’re wondering how you’ll ever forget it. 

“Mrs. Lark, uh, I think my,” he looks at you, lips pursed, “my friend here needs to go, so..” 

Mrs. Lark gasps, embarrassed: “Oh, I’m sorry, you’re right, I’m babbling,” and usually Chan would reassure her that she wasn’t, but he has more urgent matters on his hands. “Good day, Mrs. Lark!” he says and sends her off with a bright smile. There’s a few more people in line and Chan sighs a little. 

“Can you-” he’s a little sheepish, suddenly self conscious about the clergy shirt that grips his neck, “Can you wait? Here? Just until I’m done-” 

“Yeah,” you say. He smiles gratefully. 

Chatter continues behind you with a slight echo in the large room. You wait by one of the stained glass windows, arms around yourself as you stare up at it. Each and every window was a different biblical figure, made up of small shards of colored glass. You always found it strange, looking back, how your small town church had this grand artwork. The eyes of the window peer down at you.

“Judas,” Chan comments, planting himself beside you. His voice echoes slightly in the now empty church. The whole place is both too big and too small for the both of you. “It’s an interesting choice.” 

“What?” 

“Why you chose this window over any other,” Chan breathes, eyes darting down to you, and he’s looking at you very intensely. Then, it dissipates: “I’m also drawn to this one.” 

A pause.

“I wonder why they’d make this,” you quip, feeling small beside him. “I think whoever made this wanted all sides of Jesus’ story illustrated,” Chan says. You shrug. “If it were me, I wouldn’t.” 

Chan tilts his head to the side and looks at you again. Your cheeks burn, so you smile a little cheekily. “Was that not the right thing to say?” 

Chan’s smile is gentle and bemused - almost adoring. “There’s nothing you can say in here that is wrong.” 

“I don’t think that’s true,” you laugh and Chan follows along. “Oh, you don’t?” You’re both laughing together, glee filling the crevices of the holy place, while Judas eyes you from the window. Your laughter dies down again, and when the silence returns, your heart clenches nervously. There’s a beat. 

“You keep busy?” you ask and the two of you are now facing each other. He sighs and nods, looking around. “Yeah, yeah, I got a.. Like a church get-together thing in, like, two days. I’ll be.. Preaching."

“Preaching,” you repeat, smile a little too tight. You wish you could say he didn’t notice. “Big Mr. Priest..” 

He laughs: “Technically I’m a priest apprentice,” he says, arms crossing over his chest. You roll your eyes. “So humble.” 

“What about you? Keep busy?” 

“Yeah, college,” you sigh. “You done?” he asks and you shake your head. “I wish.” 

His expression softens until he’s frowning. You want to squirm under his gaze, only because he looks so sincere and worried and you haven’t seen each other in three years. “You look tired.” 

“That’s not-” you begin, covering the slight ache in your heart with a laugh, “I just- Couldn’t sleep last night.”

“I thought living in the big city had you sleeping like a rock when you got to our quiet town,” he teases with a half-smile.

You shake your head, looking upwards at the ceiling. “It was that bell tower, just ringing, all night.” You shrug. Chan’s brows furrow and he looks up as well, as if he’d be able to see it through the tile roof. 

“The…” he trails off, sounding lost, “The bell tower doesn’t ring at nig-” 

Beep! Beep!

“Shit- sorry!” you curse, when your phone goes off loudly. Chan stands still studying you, while you squint at your phone. “I think- I think I gotta go.” 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he coughs, index finger rubbing over his taut knuckles. You’re pushing your phone into your back pocket again, when he reaches an arm out to you. “Uh-” he pulls back self-consciously, “Would you want to-.. Maybe, come to dinner at my place? Tomorrow?” 

You’re a little taken aback, looking at him with a softly open mouth for a moment. “Uh,” you fight back a wide smile, “Yeah, sure. I’d- I’d like that.” 

“Great,” Chan smiles too and nods. “Just- just at the house right next door, or?-”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s that one. Still,” Chan blushes breathlessly. You chuckle awkwardly. “Okay.” 

“Okay. See you then.”  _____________________________

You’re not sure why the prospect of having dinner with Chan has you so nervous. And it is just a dinner, you remind yourself, as you’re picking out your dress, just two friends catching up. After some 45 minute debate you pick out a pretty sundress.

You’d like to think there’s more to it than just the fact that Chan is suddenly very pretty and muscular. Maybe it’s the chance to make a wrong right. Maybe it’s to find out who this boy is, that was a key part of your life for so many years. Maybe you think you can change him.

Either way you’re just waiting for it all day, ignoring your dad trying to lure you out with trick shots from your garage. “HIYA!” he screams, throwing ping pong balls at your window all afternoon.

At 6:30 PM you’re standing at his door and hoping you don’t look too dolled up. His house also looks mostly identical to your memory of it. There’s something off about it though, and you study it momentarily, only to realize the front garden has overgrown. The grass comes up jagged and sharp, and the bushes bulge over the fence gate, brushing you when you waddle inside. You click the doorbell, wait a few seconds, and then begin to suspect that it didn’t work. Then you knock and you hear him fumbling around inside: “Coming!” 

He opens the door (with some struggle), and then you’re standing before each other. He’s so domestic, in a striped, brown sweater and dark blue jeans, and curly hair is framing his face like a crown. 

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He gives you a once over, smiling shyly: “You look great.” 

“Thank you,” you bow a little, “you too.” 

Then he’s letting you inside and you’re kicking off your shoes haphazardly, while he fusses back to the kitchen. “I made bolognese, if you don’t mind!” he calls and when you enter into the living space, he’s stirring a pan vigorously. You giggle a little, smile falling at the sight of a cross on the wall behind you. “Uh, yeah, of course.” 

Slurping tomato-sauced pasta and drinking a half-expensive wine that Chan had bought, you two laugh together. You mostly talk about when you were kids, then he’s talking about joining the church and you’re talking about college. 

“Is it hard? Out there?” Chan slurs a little, both of you tipsy and warm from the wine, having moved to the couch after eating. Now, full and face burning hot, you’re looking at each other differently. Chan’s got one arm on the couch rest, the other swirling the wine in his glass. He’s smirking a little and you hate how hot he is.

“It’s.. Exciting,” you counter, a little confused at his tone. He's close enough to radiate warmth onto you, when his eyes dip down to your lips for a second. “Yeah. You like exciting,” he drinks down the rest of his wine and sets the glass on the couch table. The moon, that’s been slowly traversing the star-speckled sky, gives the glass a faint halo. Chan basks in the moonlight, half lit and half shadowed. 

“I do. I do like exciting,” you giggle dumbly, still unsure where he’s steering the conversation. Chan smiles adoringly, because there you are sitting all blushing and warm in a sundress on his couch. The warmth disappears from his eyes then. 

“Was it exciting to watch me undress?” 

Oh.

Shit. 

You almost spit out a half-drunken sip of wine, gulping it down painfully and shaking your head. You set the glass down. “Chan! I’m-” you’re scrambling, “I’m really, really sorry. I- I was just- It wasn’t about your body, I was thinking about-” 

“Shut up.” 

Your mouth falls agape at his tone, offended and caught off guard. He’s still beside you, eyes much sharper than you remember, much colder. “Stop treating me like I’m still a kid.” 

“Well, you haven’t changed much, Chan,” you scoff. 

“Yeah, that’s why you were looking at me through your fucking window,” he scoffs as well, “because I haven’t changed.” 

You sit in quiet disbelief, trying to stay mad when his face is so pretty and so close to yours, and his jaw is clenched and his cheeks are flushed from the wine. You’re deciding whether to spit back or diffuse the situation. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry.” 

The hand that was previously holding his glass lands on your knee. He leans in even further and you smell the sour air of wine on his breath. You shudder under his touch when he whispers: “I want you to be honest with me.” 

You’re looking up at him with wide eyes, heart beating in your chest like nails being knocked into wood. “Tell me what you want from Father Chan,” he muses, smirking slightly, while his thumb brushes back and forth on your knee. 

You’re completely out of breath and squeezing your thighs together, as slick begins to build up in your panties. “Come on,” he encourages, “Let it out. Tell Channie what you want.” 

“I want,” you’re shaking in humiliation, gaze cast onto the floor, “I want you to touch me.” 

“Come again?” he teases, grinning.

“Please touch me, Chan.” 

“There you go,” he mutters and finally gives in, hand brushing the skirt of your dress up your thighs, until your white, cotton panties are visible to him. The sight of you is so pornographic, he groans and dips his head into your neck. “Spread your legs for me, baby.” 

And you do, one of them drooping over his legs, while the other bends on the couch beside you. You’re already so worked up, because Chan is so beautiful and you never, ever thought you’d experience him like this. “Shh, shh, calm down, pretty girl,” he kisses your temple, as his fingers brush over your clothed core.

“Baby,” he tuts disapprovingly, “you’ve soaked through your panties.” 

You can only whine as his fingertips ghost along your dripping slit, and he’s nosing into your cheek like a big puppy. “‘M sorry,” you hiccup, and he grins and kisses your lips tenderly. “So polite for me.” 

He finally dips his hand into your panties, fingers rubbing circles into your pussy. You’re mewling and thrashing into his chest, basking in the sound of his strangled moan, when you thrash the leg in his lap and brush over his hard cock. 

His fingers move lower to dance along your slit and you grab his wrist strenuously. He hums a little. “Gonna put my fingers in your pussy and my tongue in your mouth now,” he’s mumbling and you can’t tell if he’s telling you or himself, but either way he does as promised, two fingers plunging into your sopping wet heat, while he dips his tongue in your hot mouth.

You're moaning into his lips. He’s kissing you so sloppily, spit spilling down both of your chins, and noses rubbing together, breathing scorching air into each other. His fingers are pumping in and out of you, then curling into that sweet spongy spot inside you. 

“Fuck!” you cry when he pulls away breathlessly, “so, so, so good. Chan- Chan, fuck!”

Your orgasm is building up in your stomach, with a pleasure that is simultaneously torturous. He’s looking at you so intensely, you feel like you might unravel under his gaze. “Fuck, Channie.”

“Yeah? You feel good?” he pauses his words, still curling his fingers in and out of you. His next words are somewhat uneasy: “Is this better than those other guys?” 

“Huh?” you mumble, chest arching and his mouth is watering at how inviting it is. “Back then,” he says, and it finally clicks what he’s talking about. 

“Pussy so good no wonder they all wanted a piece of you, hm? Such a slut,” he’s rambling now, fingers plunging in and out of you impossibly fast, while his other hand splays over your stomach, thumb tapping your clit. You cry out in ecstasy, unable to form coherent words to respond with.

“But you’re my slut, right?” His voice is raspy and right next to your ear. The thumb tapping your clit begins to rub circles into it. “Y/n,” he’s suddenly very serious, “say you’re my slut.” 

“I’m-” your voice crack in humiliation, cheeks fiery and eyes squeezed shut, “I’m your slut!” 

“That’s right,” he pants, trying to stop his hips from bucking into your calf. “And my slut is gonna cum on my fucking fingers right now.” 

Your orgasm feels otherworldly - maybe godly - and your whole body shakes in his hold, chest bouncing in his face and moans melodic in his living room. Chan works you through it, finally pulling his fingers out when your hands weakly push at his own.

You’re sighing heavily with hair messy and teased, slumped back on his couch. “Holy shit,” you say, grinning from ear to ear, completely dazed. Chan is watching you with a proud smirk and a tent the size of Texas in his pants. 

A thought strikes you then, and your grin is fading and your brows are furrowing. “Wait- Wait, Chan? Where are your parents?” you ask suddenly, sitting up and straight and pulling your dress down hastily. You snap your head around self-consciously. 

“Relax! Relax!” he laughs, “They don’t live here anymore, I bought the house from them, like, six months ago.” 

Your jaw drops. You wait just a second, hoping to catch a cheeky glint in his eyes, that might tell you he’s joking. You find nothing but blackness.

“You bought the house?” 

Chan looks at you quizzically, shrugging. “Yeah, I mean, they wanted to move, you know, see new things and I.. I just. Didn’t.” 

You can hardly fucking believe your ears.

“Chan!” you cry, frustration blooming in your chest and pounding in your head. “Why did you buy the fucking house? You’re gonna spend the rest of your life paying off the fucking mortgage, and you’re never gonna get out of here!” you shout, flailing your arms at his absurdity.

Chan narrows his eyes at you. “Sorry, city girl, we don’t all wanna pack up and live in a closet space for three years-” 

“Wha- Chan, this is not about me! How can you just.. Surrender to this place?” you shout and suddenly he’s raising his voice too. “Surrender?” he repeats, spitting it back at you.

“Yeah! Jesus, even your fucking parents wanted to leave, Chan. But you’re just- You’re gonna live out the rest of your life in this shithole and be some sort of- of priest?!” 

“I can’t believe you right now,” he stands up from the couch, and you follow suit. “In what world do you have the morality to come in here and tell me what I’m doing wrong?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you scoff, crossing your arms. 

Your voices are echoing in the empty house, wine glasses and sauced plates standing idly on the tables nearby. Your silhouettes are confined to the large living room window, standing on either side of the moon. 

“You know what that means, Y/n,” he laughs bitterly. “No, please, tell me,” you invite him challengingly, wondering (or perhaps fearing) whether or not he’d actually go there. He prods at his cheek with his tongue, and hesitates.

“You were a fucking slut, Y/n.” His voice is quieter, maybe ashamed. Tears sting at your eyes, when you look at him incredulously. How could you think you knew this man? How could you think there was anything left to salvage? 

“Fuck you, Chan,” you spit, spinning around before the tears can fall. He says nothing, just stands alone in his living room while you dash out his door, hands wrapping around himself. 

Exiting his house into the cool, summer air, you realize one thing. The bell tower had been the call of the apocalypse.  _____________________________

You were the walls of Jericho that night, crying and tumbling in your childhood sheets, muffling your cries in the fear that he’d hear through his creaked open window. What was this pain, you couldn’t decide. Was it how he stayed steadfast or how you metamorphosed, dying only to return once again? 

In the morning, you’re dull and gray. You’re drinking coffee out of your dad’s old tourist shop mug from a visit to Niagara Falls, sitting at the dining table with puffy eyes. Your mom eyes you worriedly from the counter, leaning into your dad to whisper not-so-discreetly. 

“Sweetheart, you wanna go with us to church today? They’re having this whole event, the kids’ choir will be there!” she suggests gently and you just want to shrug off all her affection. 

“No,” you deadpan. Your mom gives your father a look. He sighs. 

“Alright, champ, that’s- that’s your choice,” he nods, mustache scrunching up when he pouts. You sigh, feeling like an asshole. “Sorry, I just-” 

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart, you just rest!” your mom shushes you, scrambling around the kitchen, ever in the hunt for some lost appliance. “All that college must wear you out, you should rest while you can, hm?” 

They’re gone by noon. You sit in the shadowed corner of your bed, avoiding the strip of light that dances across your room from the crack in the curtain. 

You’re bored, scrolling on your phone, cheek puffed up against your pillow, when it slips out of your hands and hits the floor with a loud bump. You groan, feeling like the whole world is against you today, and throw your arm off the bed to grab at it on the floor. 

It’s halfway under the bed, and when your fingers finally remark the smooth surface, they brush against something else. It’s hard and it feels dirty. You lift your head to look and tug it out.

It’s your diary. 

Phone long forgotten, you lift it carefully, like an old relic, and push open the faded pink cover. You feel like you’re about to snap in half, when your eyes survey the graphite-smudged pages of your horrible, horrible handwriting. The pages emanate a mysterious air that has you leaning back in your seat.

You’re skimming through angst entries, that has you cringing and wanting to put it down, before you freeze suddenly, inhaling sharply at the scribbled out words before you.

‘3. august 2016

God, I miss Chan.’

The words come with the promise of stinging tears in your eyes.

“Fuck you,” you whisper angrily at the page, because you’re crying again, and you close the book and hold onto yourself so tightly that it hurts. “Fuck that. Fuck this.” 

It’s perhaps the worst feeling you’ve ever felt. It’s anger, it’s sadness, it’s humiliation, it’s confusion. How did it end like this, you think. It would be so much easier if you were kids again. If he was that dorky kid from your church, who wore his father’s baseball caps and had chubby little hands when he prayed. You can do it better, you think miserably, if you get another chance. But you don’t. 

For about fifteen minutes, you curl into yourself and wait for the feeling to go away. It doesn’t. The heavy weight of realization pools in your stomach when you realize you might carry this with you for the rest of your life if you don’t do something. It doesn’t have to end like this.

Suddenly you’re light as a feather, grabbing your jacket and your keys and sprinting out the door and down the street. The cross atop the spire watches you run to it, awaiting you ominously.  _____________________________

You’re disheveled and pulled apart when you arrive at the gathering, and for once the townspeople look at you like you’re out of place. You’re late, you know, because people are taking their leave, scattering and dissolving towards the town square, and the entertainment (the kids’ choir), all robed in white, are marching away together. 

You’re panting, stumbling further into the church garden, jumping at the sound of grills being closed and rolled away onto the pavement. 

“Y/n?” Chan can hardly believe his eyes, when he sees you standing between a bed of lilies. You turn around and see him, melting a little at how tired and sad he looks. “I can’t believe you came,” he whispers, a little sparkle of hope in his gaze. You smile fondly, “Me neither.” 

Chan moves to embrace you, but freezes when he suddenly remembers where you are. “Uh, I can’t, I have to-” he stammers, scrambling for a solution, for something better than turning you away, when you’re here, close enough for him to hold. He looks around, gaze following the churchgoers as they pass through the gates, before he’s bopping his head down to whisper to you again: “Go into the church. I’ll be with you in a second.” 

You walk through that heavy, wooden door, and when it closes behind you the scrambling of metal and people and footsteps and crying children is gone. With the door, you’re sealed in here, with whatever fate follows.

All the light in the church is filtering through the stained glass windows, and once again you find yourself drawn to him. Judas. 

Part of you would expect such an artwork to depict Judas as greedy and grim, as glutinous and gloomy; that he would be hunched over with a pouch of shillings, giggling at his evildoing. But the Judas in the window is so.. Sad. 

He’s blue and gray and his eyebrows are upturned and for the life of you, you can’t figure out how the unknown artist must have managed to portray such despair in glass. You stand in the middle of his reflection on the floor, all blue and gray yourself, and you’re not sure it’s really because of the light.

That’s all the church inhabits at that moment. You and Judas, and your shallow breaths, and the stirring of dust in the air. There’s nothing holy in there with you. Just you and him.

You hear the door open to your right. You know it’s Chan, somehow you can just feel it. He must sense something in the air, because he says nothing, just walks up to stand beside you, and only then do you speak again.

“I always felt a bit like Judas,” you muster a breath.

Chan pauses and you can feel him looking at you. “Me too.” 

You furrow your brows, and finally look up at him, and there he is in his clerical shirt and his matching pants, his right cheek glowing bright blue. The whole room is so heavy, you lean against the bench behind you. 

“That’s not.. That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”

Chan doesn’t ask you to elaborate. He understands. “God made it that way,” he’s nodding with a pained expression on his face, almost as if he’s trying to convince himself. You laugh a little and hate how much love you feel, when Chan half-smiles at the sound.

“God.. Yeah,” you half-gesture to the sky and Chan giggles. Then you’re both quieting down again. “I can’t tell if it was you or God I turned my back on,” you say and you’re looking at Judas again, and how one, jagged hand holds onto his chest.

“Maybe it was both,” Chan says and there’s this unreadable expression on his face. You’re laughing again, cheeks apple-round. “I’m pretty sure it’s blasphemous to compare yourself to God.” 

“Yeah?” he laughs, “I think so too.” You’re looking at him again when he’s gulping hard and the joy drains from his face. A small frown curve his lips. “I’m sorry about yesterday, you know.” You look away.

“Me too,” you say. Chan can’t help the way his heart leaps when, without sparing him a glance, you grab his hand in yours and squeeze it. He squeezes back.

He gasps painfully and when you turn to him again, he’s choking back tears, face turning red. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I just wish… Fuck, I mean, we’re too different, aren’t we?” 

You nod. “We are.” 

“When are you leaving?” 

You smile disingenuously, hoping it’ll cheer him up. It doesn’t.

“Tomorrow.” 

Chan is crying, there’s no denying it now, no chalking it up to sniffles. Tears, turning yellow from the sun behind Judas’ back, trail down his cheeks and he wipes them aggressively, but they just keep coming. Deep, despaired moans bounce off the ceiling and walls of the church.

“Can I-?” Chan begins, unable to form words between his heart-rattling sobs. “I just- I need to-” 

“Yes,” you say, and there’s not a single doubt in your mind, that this is what you both want, as you take a step forward and pull his lips into yours. 

Chan’s lips taste like every color of Judas, of blue, of yellow, of gray, of green. Salt hits your tongue when his tears trail down to where you’re connected, and he’s still crying into the kiss, hands finding your waist and clutching so, so hard. 

“Please don’t cry,” you whisper in between kisses, “you’re gonna make me cry.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says, but he doesn’t stop. He’s too caught up in memorizing the way your body feels under his hands, the way you’re moving against him, the way you’re pulling him by the collar of his clerical shirt, and how your nose feels shoved into his. 

His warm hands slide your shirt upwards, burning against your newly exposed skin. You pull away only to tug it over your head. Chan whimpers when he sees your chest, cupped by your bra and he pulls you into his chest to unhook the back, head looming over your shoulder. Ear pressed to his neck, you can feel the way it contracts, when he hiccups. 

As soon as he’s done, straps sliding gently down your arms, you’re pouncing on each other again, lips meeting rhythmically in the blued sunlight. Blindly, you’re unbuttoning his clerical shirt, fingers shaking against his chest. His hands clasp over yours soothingly, urging you to slow down. 

The whole ordeal is strangely silent, even Chan has stopped crying now, and the only sounds filling the church are the brush of fabric and your muffled moans into each other’s mouths. You’re whining though, when his shirt finally pushes off his shoulders and his torso is right in front of you and under your hands. 

You whimper at the sight alone, running your hands over his arms and over his chest down to his abs. Chan smirks at you. “I knew you liked it,” he mumbles to himself, almost childishly. 

This comment slows you down, as you’re pulling back to laugh, and you’re both shirtless in front of each other, hearts huge and glowing. Chan smiles at you adoringly while you laugh, face scrunched up and eyes crescents. 

“You can’t say that when I’m trying to fuck you,” you say finally, hair a mess on your head and lips pursed to keep yourself from laughing again. Chan loves your dumb face. He takes your hands in his and rubs the palms with his thumbs. “I know.” 

“Can I-?”

“Yes,” you whisper, agreeing before he can even get it out. Chan nods and holds you, gently guiding you onto the floor, where your entire body is marbled by the light hitting the glass. Chan stands over you for a moment. 

“You’re just gonna stare at me?” you joke, but your arms are sneaking their way up your torso. “Yeah,” Chan responds, but he’s already kneeling down in front of you, moving your arms away. 

“You are so beautiful,” he says it as if it almost pains him, but he’s straddling you and fumbling with your jean-buttons, beginning the tedious task of peeling them off your legs. You want to say something snarky, but he has you breathless and blushing, all you can muster is a meek: “Thank you.” 

He looks up from his work on your jeans at that, smiling at you fondly. 

You kick your jeans off your legs, while he begins to undo the buckle of his own pants, shoving them down his legs at the first opportunity. You’re both almost naked, you in your panties and him in his boxers, and you’re wondering why he’s showing no signs of moving them off you, dick hard and scorching fucking hot against your clothed core. Then he plants his arms on either side of your head, and rolls his hips into yours.

The moan you let out is coming from deep in your fucking soul. Only something godly could pull that out, you decide, sopping fucking wet from the star-like heat it has against you. “You sound so pretty,” he whimpers and does it again. Then again and again and again, and you’re arching your back and the both of you are moaning and groaning, filling the church with humidity. 

“Chan,” you muster, sounding on the verge of tears. His head is lowered onto your breasts, panting hard into the impossibly soft skin. “I-Inside. Now.” 

Chan wants to say something sexy, but he’s so desperate for you, that all he can manage is: “I agree.” 

He’s scrambling wildly to tear his boxers off and you do the same, lifting your hips to remove your drenched panties from your core. When you’re left bare, he lets out a choked moan, because immediately your hole clenching and gushing slick onto the tiled floor. The church floor, no less. 

“So fucking beautiful, and mine. Belongs to me,” he babbles, eyes wounded, but fingers spreading your folds open, as he lowers his head to remark on them. You mewl, fingers clawing at his shoulders. “Miss you,” you squall and he looks up at your face again. “Okay,” he responds, body moving back up to your face. Then he mutters against your lips: “Miss you too.” 

He’s kissing you again, so warm and wet in your mouth and humming into you. You claw at his back and whine wildly, when his hand steers his dick through your folds, lubricating itself in your plentiful wetness. 

He pulls away and you chase after him with sorrowful eyes. “I need to see your face when I push in,” he explains very sincerely, and you somehow understand that, yes, he needs to see it. You nod.

Then he’s pushing into you. He bursts through your gates, all thick and veiny and totally raw against the walls of your pussy. He’s slow, studying your face tenderly for any signs of discomfort, even when he grimaces from the euphoric feeling. And God, your face is so perfect, all scrunched up and twisted in pleasure, mouth agape and eyes squeezed shut. He will remember it forever.

He’s rocking in and out of you, and it’s slow, and it’s love, and it’s mature, and you’re moaning simultaneously, foreheads pressed together, as he fucks you into the floor. 

“Are you close, darling?” he pants against your cheek and you nod, because you are. Because it feels like your body has been working its way up to this final point, and every other milestone has just been a hillpeak on the way to a mountain. “Yes, yes, yes, I am.” 

“Good, so good for me,” he’s speeding up just a little bit, working the two of you closer and gaining leverage from his bruising grip on your hips. Your hand slides up his neck, from where he’s nuzzled into the side of your nose, and you whisper breathlessly in his ear: “Please cum inside, please, please.” 

And Chan’s head spins at that, thrusting so hard you’re entire body jerks. You, all filled with his kids, all soft and big stomached. The thought has his thrusts - now quite swift - becoming sloppy and has him spurting cum. You come at the feeling of him spurting inside you, spluttering you full of white seed, so much that it’s spilling out at the base of his cock. 

You’re both stilling, bodies expanding eagerly for air, and he’s still so close to you, still inside you, still buried in your hair, nose huffing breaths into your ear. The church is so painfully quiet, you begin to hear your own heartbeat. This was it. This was the narrow end. There was no other way. 

Lying your head on the tile and tilting it, so your eyes dance over the floor beneath you, you realize that Judas is no longer the artwork, no longer the masterpiece: It’s you and Chan on the floor, arching into each other and bathed in his light. To an unknowing outsider, the expressions you carry would also seem misplaced, just like Judas had to you. But you both know, still clinging onto each other like angels that flutter from the sky and into hell, that it was because of the end you had ensured for each other.

“I love you.” 

Chan whispers the words into your neck, voice thick. You realize he’s crying again, because you feel burning hot tears dribble down your neck, and his shoulders are shaking. You curl your arms around him.

“I know. I’m sorry. I love you too.” 

[gracefulserpent1207]

SONIC 3 MAJOR SPOILERS!!!

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM

My Sonic 3 Review:

Opening the film with Shadow waking up to memories of Maria I am SICK

Maria... was playing... Live and Learn... on guitar... omg... my heart...

OZZY'S "You stole my hoomans!" LMAOOOOOO

The fact that when Sonic says to Tom "I don't know what I'd do without you, I'd probably be a completely different hedgehog", they cut to Shadow - that is PEAK cinematography!

SHADOW ON HIS MOTORBIKE!!!

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY AGENT STONE ON A MOTORBIKE HELLO???

Tails wanted to go the chao garden he is so adorable I love him so much 😭 and the look on his face when they start performing he's just a little guy 🥺

THE WAY THE CHAO WERE RUNNING ABOUT WHEN THE CHAO GARDEN WAS ATTACKED WAS SO FUNNY

Eggman watching telenovelas is so accurate actually

Agent Stone is just so in love isn't he? In fact the Stobotnik scenes in this film were some of my favourite scenes - Lee Majdoub you're amazing

Keanu Reeves was AMAZING as Shadow

Shadow looked so scared when he was put in the tank and it was filling with water poor baby 🥺

One thing that was NOT on my Sonic 3 bingo chart was COMMANDER WALTERS FUCKING DYING??? THEY KILLED THE OLIVE GARDEN GUY???

Maria drawing a bunny face over Shadow in the tank she is so precious I love them both so much 😭

The little montage of Shadow and Maria hanging out made me SICK (in a good way) especially that scene when he's running through the halls pulling her behind him on her rollerskates LOL

NOOOOO SHADOW YOU'RE NOT AN ALIEN FREAK DON'T LISTEN TO THAT STUPID MOVIE

"There's still light, even when the star's not there anymore" okay so I'm just gonna cry into my popcorn now thx

Stone calling Tails adorable he is so real for that

Eggman saying that he's "undesirable to all possible genders" 🤨🏳️‍🌈 'whoa he's bisexual I didn't know that!'

Speed reference!

"It's like we're in a movie and we're both being played by the same actor! *Slowly stare into camera*" That fourth wall break was BRILLIANT

I can't decide whether Tom's puppet of himself is absolutely hilarious or absolutely terrifying

The montage of Eggman and Gerald lol! (but poor Stone was left out ☹️)

The entire London break-in scene was great! Especially when Knuckles finally got to break the glass!

REVENGE GUAC

Can we take a minute to appreciate the complete contrast between Gerald saying "a WOMAN in the MILITARY 😒" and Shadow saying that the girl in the telenovela should kill both the guys fighting over her because she's "not a prize to be won"?

Also Shadow watching a telenovela and telling the girl to kill both guys is so accurate LMAO he really said 'YOU LEAVE THAT LATINA ALONE!'

Ngl for a hot second I GENUINELY thought Tom was dead that was SCARY

Are we gonna talk about the fact that Gerald and Shadow were ready to kill themselves if it meant getting revenge?

The way Shadow's face changes and he flashbacks to Maria when he sees Sonic knelt next to Tom begging him to wake up... The parallels between Sonic and Shadow in this film... Oh my goodness...

Sonic getting mad enough to steal the Master Emerald from Knuckles was also NOT on my Sonic 3 bingo chart - I thought we were gonna see them fight each other for a sec which was CRAZY

I'm not the biggest Wade fan but Sonic effortlessly taking the Master Emerald from him and him replying "well I tried" was comedy GOLD - all that training in the Knuckles series for nothing huh 😂

Sonic turning super for vengeance purposes oh my goodness...

Maria's death scene really gave me goosebumps - the way Commander Walters shouts "don't shoot they're children!" - the way Shadow's face changes when he sees Maria dead - the way Gerald was crying...

I think it really says a lot about G.U.N that in this version, they didn't even shoot Maria but they were still actively responsible for her death - that officer DID shoot and he DID try and aim at Maria and that explosion WAS caused by him

Obviously I hate G.U.N but I actually feel kinda bad for Walters now like he really did try to save her didn't he 🫤

Both Gerald and Walters refer to Maria AND Shadow as children which I appreciate cuz it shows how young Shadow really was when everything went to hell for him - he's just a baby your honour he didn't MEAN to blow up earth 🥺

Sonic attacking Shadow in super form was just... WOW! He was REALLY angry wasnt he?

SUPER SONIC VS SUPER SHADOW??? HOLY SHIT!!! THAT BATTLE WAS EPIC!!! 🤯

Sonic almost killing Shadow over him almost killing Tom was a really great way to relate Sonic and Shadow's stories - Sonic coming around when Shadow points to his heart, thinking about what Tom said at the start of the film parallelling Shadow then coming around after remembering what Maria said to him... This is one hell of a film!

Sonic and Shadow watching the sun come up together as Shadow repeats what Maria says about light and stars 😭

"Don't tell me you've got a catchphrase..." "Yep, and everyone loves it!" Another fourth wall break that did NOT disappoint.

LIVE AND LEARRRRRN!!! HANGING ON THE EDGE OF TOMMOROW— 🎶

THEY DID THE SA2 POSE!!! I REPEAT, THEY DID THE SA2 POSE!!! AND IN SUPER FORM TOO!!!

Did they just... fucking... incinerate Gerald... wtf.... RIP I guess...

Shadow attacked those robots with SUPER CHOAS SPEARS in one scene!!! Which is AWESOME!!!

Eggman switching sides cuz even he knows blowing up the world is a bad idea 👍

I could go on and on and on about the Super Sonic and Super Shadow scene IT WAS SO GOOD!!!

Sonic falling to earth gave me a heart attack. Tails then falling to earth whilst trying to save Sonic also gave me a heart attack. Knuckles going to save them both making me think he was also gonna fall to earth gave me a third heart attack.

The way I physically leaned forward in my seat when Shadow took off his inhibitor rings—

They pissed on the moon.

We've seen Shadow smile so much in this film and it is SO refreshing to see! That smile right before he and Sonic team up to attack those robots Gerald sends after them is my favourite smile we've ever seen on him.

Eggman dedicated his last speech before dying to Stone 😭😩🥹 AND STONE SAYING "I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN" THEY BETTER KISS IN THE NEXT FILM I SWEAR—

Team Sonic hug 🥹

Ending on the race was perfect (bonus points for Ozzy barking with subtitles again because that was HILARIOUS)

WE GON RUN IT RUN IT RUN IT TILL WE RUNNING OUTTA ROAD 💃💃💃

OMG AMY! AMY AMY AMY OH MY GOODNESS AMY! HELLO AMY! I'VE MISSED YOU SWEET AMY! AMY AMY AMY AMY AMY AMY!!! I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THAT HAMMER! AMY ROSE! HI!!! YOU LOOK SO GOOD!!! AMY AMY AMY!!!

Oh yeah and Metal Sonic.

AMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

So great to see that Shadow's NOT dead (although tbf I did kinda expect that - it would've been unlikely that they genuinely kill him off when he's such a popular character)

Honestly I think the END end credits scene was a perfect set up for a Shadow spinoff, like they HAVE to make one now

I also think the two end credits scenes together show that Eggman isn't really dead either - again it would be unlikely for them to kill him off PLUS if Shadow managed to chaos control himself out of there he could've easily gone back for Eggman too (and I mean who else is gonna be responsible for creating Metal Sonic?)

AMY, PEOPLE, AMY!!!

Overall, I think it's pretty clear that I LOVED this film! It was amazing and I'm already excited for the next one lol! ❤️

[beanghostprincess]

that pudding card is GORGEOUS i love her so much she doesn't deserve to be a part of op discourse leave my girl alone she just needs love

Pudding is such a complex character! I love her so so much! She really means the world to me. Honestly, her whole story is completely relatable and the fact that it's basically used to parallel Sanji's doesn't help. It just makes everything hurt more. I could talk about her for hours and how misinterpreted her character is due to fandom discourse and the recent wave of "puritanism" within the internet.

I'm not gonna get too into fandom discourse because I hate it and I already have horrible experiences about it in this fandom (with Lawlu, specifically), but... I find it stupid. Her character has so many layers. She's just as complex and traumatized as Sanji. That's... That's quite the whole point? She made mistakes and has mixed feelings and different types of personalities due to her past and trauma responses. She made mistakes. Sanji made mistakes too. The only damn reason why people don't forgive her is because "she hurt our little meow meow <//3 She's so evil!!! Evil woman!!!" as if they wouldn't forgive her character right away if she were a MAN. Like. Misogyny who??

Anyway, I think it's pretty obvious people don't like Pudding because of obvious misogyny and overprotection of Sanji. Which is understandable because I'm also very intense when it comes to him, but damn... He would not like it if he knew y'all hate her for her mistakes.

Also, people only talk about her to say "she's a great character but her age gap with Sanj-" why does it always have to be about Sanji? Let the girl be her own character. Have you hear of the Bechdel test? No? Perhaps you could try it? Her character is obviously created for Sanji, but she's so much more! Let her escape!!! From the hands of patriarchy and men!! That being said, the whole discourse about their age gap is... Just... So fucking stupid.

Don't go cancelling me right away. I'm just saying that when it comes to stuff like age Oda doesn't seem to be very... Consistent? He's made mistakes before. And the Charlottes are a very huge family. I'm sure not even Oda knows the order of these children, lmfao. I think he would only say shit like "Katakuri is one of the oldest and Pudding is one of the youngest idk. Just made her one of the youngest to match Sanji's backstory of being one of the youngest". But leaving that aside-- Maturity never equals age in a show that's... About pirates... Where everyone has different experiences with different social surroundings... It's just like the Lawlu discourse, damn. You have to know the characters before saying crazy stuff like "Law would groom Luffy" because HOW??? HOW WOULD HE DO THAT??? That's basically impossible. And you need to think about the characters before assuming things. And Sanji and Pudding? Leaving aside the age difference, Pudding has more power over Sanji and that's noticeable. Does that even matter tho? They understand each other on the same level after all in the end. Tbh I couldn't tell about the age difference. I thought they were the same age ngl. Only found out bc I saw the discourse going on and my first reaction was "This is fucking dumb". Tbh their relationship is one of the healthiest I've ever seen for Sanji. We see him being himself for once without being extremely creepy. The whole arc about him losing himself is about a girl loving him for who he truly is. And the whole arc about a girl being judged for being different is about a boy loving her for who she truly is. It's so beautiful!!!

Anyway. Not the point. The thing is that people hate Pudding for... Absolutely nothing? Not knowing how to read complex characters? I still don't get it. Perhaps it's just that my mommy issues are too harsh and I can see through her but damn.

Ana also the whole thing about erasing Sanji's memories? People hate her for that and calling her... Selfish??? Did you not... Watch the scene... Of her crying because she lost the only person she has ever truly loved. But whatever. Call her selfish.

[starofhisheart]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR OFMD S2 EP6-7 under the cut

Ok, that was A LOT. I have so many feelings but no coherence so i'm gonna do this bullet point form but def not in order, just in order of me remembering wtf happened lol

-IZZY AND WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!!! Wee John looked STUNNING with that Divine-esque appearance and Izzy had that transmasc drag king kind of thing going on (iykyk) that made me love him even more

-Izzy singing LA VI EN ROSE took me tf out!!! i'm glad he got to finish it after the *ahem* distractions bc Con's voice is so beautiful I could listen to it forever. We better get it in the album!!! Also someone posted the lyrics translated and i cannot get over the lyrics:

"It's him for me,/And me for him, for life/He told me, he swore to me, for life"

-But not only was he singing the second half had fucking gentlebeard doing the dirty in the next room asdfghjkl which.....was hot, ngl. The passion was electrifying. I'm sorta glad we didnt rlly see it with everything that happened after bc it all kinda left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also Stede Bonnet canonically gets turned on by violence confirmed

Or trauma. Whatever.

-What else happened in ep 6 cause all i can think of is drag and singing and sex-

-oh yeah there was that shortlived sexually-charged torturer who i distinctly recall him being in another scene in the promo so unless that got the cut perhaps he's not dead...?

-Lupete missing all the action cause they were doing the nasty all night lmao so real

-Jim best wingman (gender neutral)

-Stede...Stedey boy, can I call u that? Now i'm gonna say this nicely, but WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? Stede in his white guy w undue confidence era fr. Zheng Yi Sao was so right for what she did truly

-But in all seriousness i feel like this whole thing in ep 7 was such a parallel to s1 but also a very necessary bit of conflict in their journey together that was bound to happen. THey want different things and neither is wrong or right for that. Stede did react poorly tho but like he just had sex w the love of his life, his first man, and Ed the very next day is like "aight i'm out". I'd be pissed too. After killing someone which we know is a big trigger for him historically.

But Ed also had a valid reaction. He's wanted to retire for a while and stede knows this but it hasn't seemed to have sunk in quite yet. He fears that Stede only sees Blackbeard and...its fair of him to have that impression tbh. These are two messy, traumatized dudes who have never had a real relationship and there's gonna be bumps. I hope we get s3 so we can better explore that like Djenks wants.

-Ok back to the fun stuff:

-Izzy barging in on GB and the docking joke. love his cringefail ass.

-IZZY IS HAPPY FOR ED EVEN IF ITS NOT WITH HIM

#growth

-the edizzy apology which was so typical of them. i expected it but bc i'd been building it up in my head all week w twitter pals it felt a bit anticlimactic but thats not the shows fault. it was very much in character and if they're satisfied so am i. i always have fic for more

-stizzy commiserating over losing ed pls thats all i've ever wanted!!!!!

izzy: "when i told him i loved him he-"

stede, like he's heard this story before: "shot u yes"

and the look they gave each other after!!!!! stizzy nation how we feelin?!

-izzy being like "stede no" when he was on his macho bullshit w zheng yi sao (also motivated by trauma bc he just lost ed, he cant lose MORE family!!!). i just like how protective iz seems of stede now.

-izzy''s "you're good for him" CRYING THROWING UP ETCETERA

-ed catching 1 fish and deciding thats his life now. adhd realness fr

-the swede whew is it hot in here or is that just jackie's effect on her husbands?

-jackie and ed actin like old friends. swede highkey shading ed adfghjkl

-anyway im sure there's more but i need to rewatch. there r things i wont go into bc its possible spoilers for the finale (tho its mostly just speculation some is based on bts not everyone may have seen). i am looking forward to and terrified for the show to end next week thats all i'll say

[gerrydelano]

DANNY GOING 💥 ANON HERE. HEWWO. I AM SO GLAD THIS ISN'T CANON

this is perhaps??? the 8th time im rewriting this??????????? but i keep coming back to it. you're one of my favourite authors period so i HAD to just fuckging. absorb all of this so i could process it correctly.

okay okay so

1. widower tim breaks my fucking heart. like really there is no way to properly convey this to you over the screen. like. his whole thing is love, right? it's why he's the witness in literally every iteration of the gtcu. so for him to have to actually Witness gerry's death and be the most broken i have seen him across three aus where the world ends in every one of them breaks me. beyond belief. you and ren made him my favourite (next to danny) and then some. waugh

1b. 'a spire in the fog' A LIGHTHOUSE WITHOUT A LIGHT, YOU COULD SAY?

1c. i don't remember the ronologue it was exactly but it said that marriage wasn't a serious consideration but wife is a nickname that gerry loves?

2. pink is jon's honesty colour. he is wearing a pink kurta. i am going to sob.

2b. the description of the sunny day that gerry died on makes me wail.

3. MELANIE'S EVERYTHING. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE IDEA OF HER MAKING A MEMORIAL VIDEO FOR GERRY FEATURING ALL THE STATEMENT GIVERS WHO WE HELPED. TIMOTHY HODGE. CAROLINE. CALLUM.

4. divishah and the cocoa. god. actually rewinding a little to say that i made it to 'no more estrogen' before crying. sasha did lose a sister!!!! HER BROTHER DIED AND SO DID HER SISTER. FUCK

4b. okay back to the cocoa. that was really kind of her to come all the way down to the archives just to bring them all a treat i love her so much.

4c. SASHA LIKE. REVERSE WITNESSING TIM? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT GOD. GOD GOD GOD /pos

4c(i) sasha and tim's sections ending the same then danny's ending as the inverse of that. they are the siblings 4ever.

5. DANNY. DANNY!

5b. okay i am really fucking pleased because i think i figured out a through line here. I will put it in a second ask because i need to back (9th time now!) to make sure i am correct so i will leave my miscellaneous observations here

danny only names himself in his dialogue once he recalls coming back when gerry can't

he calls himself the bull and Martin the tamer like how the contortionist did

tim standing in the doorway and blocking him out reminds me of hlm when danny comes to tims house the first time and tim refers the black out curtains he had to get bc of jon's stalking? that's like. the loosest connection ever lmao but it's a parallel and it hurts. (warm and solid vs cold and intangible...)

seconding this by the description of tim's eyes being the same way as the 'nothing. and nothing hurt' that keeps popping up in rtd.

also thanking you for letting danny cry? that sounds weird but it's nice to see a moc that just. is allowed to let it out. i am rotating him (all of them really) in my head

BOOM ANOOOON i'm so glad to see you! you really did just Infiltrate My Brain with that ask and i got completely overtaken and it feels like it's been more than 5 days ngl. thank you So much for the inspiration, i did have a lot of fun with this exercise, it was a challenge to kill my favorite LOL.

cracks knuckles here we go

1. widower tim breaks MY heart! "his whole thing is love, right?" you GET IT! his whole thing IS love! i can't see him as anything other than the witness at this point, even if pbr!witness is extremely different and Much Wetter than the original rtd!witness. him witnessing gerry's death in here is actually just fucking awful because he'd subsist on it in a very specific way; the arrangement renders it a suicide just as much as a murder. writing him this broken was so painful but so satisfying djhfkjdf tim is a worthy favorite to have! he's always been my favorite of the original archives crew, if it wasn't Blatantly Obvious by how much we center him LMAO.

1b. a lighthouse without a light.... you're krilling me, boom anon. shrimply krilling me.

1c. i believe it was the one about gerry being a transfem gay man!

2. pink! is the jon honesty color! yes!!!! he's been quite forthright this whole time i think, they're all really just. wondering what the point would be in anything else.

2b. i neeeeded that anachronism there so badly, just. it's a bright summer day! it's never actually raining or dreary when things like this happen (unless you recall that it was raining in venice when tim was drowned. that time it rained.) but generally, the world goes on. i think... i also just wanted that sunny day to be a little reminder of the kind of person gerry was at his core. symbolism etc etc.

3. i was SOOOO STUMPED ON MELANIE for a WHILE before i remembered she was a youtuber and then i exploded on the spot. her video is titled "the long overdue absolution of gerard keay" and she works for six months to make it perfect and it gets a lot of bad attention and skeptics but mostly condolences and maybe even a few people who had their own experiences but didn't recognize who he was until they saw a picture of him smiling. she'd include selfies they'd taken together as proof of her knowing him. i'm crying a little.

4. sasha losing a sister is a phrase i had a hard time with because there are so many ways to read it, like. that was her best friend's wife, and so kind of her sister that way, but also just. a sister. no more estrogen. no more joy.

4b. divshah is a sweet and thoughtful little bee girl and i am so sorry to her forever because people definitely make fun of her but GERRY NEVER DID! GERRY NEVER DID!

4c. sasha reverse witnessing tim GUHHHH yep! yep! her whole corruption thing is about grief, too, it crosses lines! they all have to do with loss in one way or another!

4c(i). YES YOU NOTICED THE INVERSE YESSSS my work here is complete

5. DANNY INDEED! FUCK!

5b. 9 times jhbfkjnfkjn wildman! i'm crying again!

observations:

YES I AM SO GLAD YOU NOTICED THAT TOO i didn't want him to name himself much in his pov section but i needed to use it there and GUH. you are the most observant and you made my night jdfhbdk

always comes back to the bullfighter and the bleeding man dunnit

that's a fun connection to make tbh!!!! i was saying to ren today "you know what'd Suck the most? if tim didn't even let him in the house and they just talked in the doorway" and they were like "then you have to do it. if it sucks the most that's what you have to do." and YEP! it sucks the most to me!!!! for precisely that reason!

tim's eyes also hurt me like hi mr. spooky man maybe work on that a little bit please g-d you're gonna scare a small child like that. very good connection to rtd though you are NAILING IT and i am over the MOON.

danny crying is extremely important to me for that reason too yes g-d. like. all the other men cried in this, too (especially tim YIKES, MAN) but something about letting danny just weep openly and in such a human way felt like. g-d he's needed this for such a long time. so much longer than anybody is able to count. he needed to let that out and be held through it and he needed to accept that comfort and it's not the first time, really! i try not to be too restrained with letting characters cry because there are a thousand reasons that somebody might like, feel good about seeing it just play out naturally and without shame.

thank you so much for your observations and your enthusiasm and just, everything, jfhbkjnfkjn gosh WOW thank you!

[laughing-drawing-aces]

Like my issue isn't that they killed Eddie. It's that they killed him badly. Like the second Eddie cut the rope we knew he was going to die. It would have been more shocking if he had survived. There isn't any surprise from an outside standpoint because we know that they are going to kill a character and Eddie just made a decision that leads to his survival chances plummeting. Like a death the show did well was Bob Newby. Because they killed him at the last possible second. And they put plenty of jump scares (Not really, but not sure of the word and I'm tired and being lazy) that Bob survived. Like it is devastating because he was so close. And the show was never like we're killing characters for that season. Like doing that almost takes people out of the show because you're looking at it with, I know that they are going to kill characters, is this one going to die? Like it takes you out of the show in my opinion.

The acting carries the show. I'm purely criticizing everything from a writing and narrative perspective but the acting is phenomenal. If I wasn't a very picky why isn't this making sense person, then I would probably never really criticized aspects of the show. But yeah, the acting is amazing and I love it.

I think the show disbenefits from having so many storylines and at least one needed to be cut at least a little bit. Because there is so much they want to do and not enough time and so they had to sacrifice in Hawkins but Hawkins needed that extra time so it doesn't fall apart and ahhhhhhhhh.

Also the fic! The list of fics that have made me cry is so little (I don't cry easily while consuming media) that I save them, so it was very easy to find. The list is currently 3 works in length. Anyways, here it is! https://archiveofourown.org/works/42832416

YES SAME!!! they killed eddie so badly and also while the parallel was nice whenever they cut to eddie’s death in between max’s i wanted to scream cuz i just wanted to get back to the max moments to see how that would end. like i do appreciate this paralleling scene especially cuz gaten does an amazing job! but also i just wanted to get to max! ngl i feel like even before that moment we knew he was going to die cuz of the duffers track record but the moment he cut the rope we knew his death fate was sealed. i think bob’s death was done so amazingly! like i was devasted that he does but at the same time i felt the emotional death way more than any of the other deaths. with bob we got to know him for the whole season being with the byers family and spending time with them. we can see the growth he did and the happiness that he brought the byers while also establishing bob as his own character! which is sooo great and like you said we can feel how he could have gotten out so it’s even more devastating. idk i just think that because the audience actually got to know him they were more upset that he died because he was a good character instead of just being upset at the death/injustice of it all (for example the whole barb thing where most people didn’t know her character because she died in the second ep but they wanted justice because she died). with bob’s death it felt more emotional because we got to know him.

ohhh the acting is absolutely phenomenal! like god theyre soooo fucking good! i’m so glad that the actors/actresses seem to be getting more jobs and etc within the career because they are incredible and amazing! yes the writers have soooo many plot lines that it just ends up bringing the writing down which i think showed more this season than the rest as they are in different states or in different countries. like in hawkins the different plot lines were able to connect more as they’re in a small area so it as more places to cross over and for them to interact even if they are doing other things. but with the different states none of them can interact besides the people who are in the same area as them so none of the characters cross over! they’ve been able to do the many plot lines justice in some aspects (maybe they don’t finish those plot lines sometimes but it’s easier to have many plot lines) i think in the past the many plot lines did also bring them down but because they were close together - it made it easier with run time and etc

ohhhh yay! thanks for putting the fic! totally going to read it!

[paint-music-with-me]

(part two)

"Mu-Te-Luv" - an anthology series of seven different stories where someone has been affected by some kind of superstition or fate or magic. this is super cute - i'm not the biggest fan of anthology series but i may watch "love lock", "QUEEN OF QUEENS", "not your father" and "9 temples". i am glad that the variety is def bussin' and i think the genre for each story will be different (most likely be a cautionary tale, maybe)

"Cat for Cash" - a debt collecting cat lover inherits the ability to hear cats talk from a debtor and is roped into helping the debtor's son keep the cat cafe business thriving. BITCH! i'll always be sat for a firstkhao series but a CAT CAFE?? WITH A COMLICATED FAMILY STORYLINE??? also the parallel shots of khao and a cat oh my gods i'll be crying best believe! stfu im here - it reminds me of "meow the secret boy" or "a good day to be a dog" ...tbh there's no notes let's get this story going! im waiting!

"Girls Rule" - we follow a group of girls in the modeling/advertising industry (?) where feelings get way complicated and hearts are gonna get broken. sorry for that trashy synopsis but it's essentially "only friends" but make it GL which honestly? valid! someone in that company heard our prayers. again, i am sat like there's so much potential here to be very dynamic in the relationships and characters idk what else to say except let's GOOOOOOO

"Boys in Love" - another high school BL with an opposites attract story (a smarty pants and a rowdy boy), a simple courtship with the new kid, and two teachers falling in love. it's giving "heartstopper" and some "my school president" tbh and it genuinely looks fun - i think the location is the same as the one from "my love mix-up th" which is nice! the simplicity and innocence is charming and chill, so low stakes here methinks. also can we talk about PODD AND PAPANG!? OMG YES! I AM SAT THANK YOUUUU

"My Magic Prophecy" - a tarot reader must help protect his friend's older brother from death (people who wanna kill him???) but along the way they fall in love with each other. girl this summary is shit bc the story aint it im sorry i love jimmysea and i will always be sat for them but . . . this story needs to go back to the drawing board. i like the "doctor is more logical vs tarot reader is more clairvoyant" vibe but the doc being targeted for some reason . . . does not land. i could make a separate post abt it but there's some alternatives to be made outside of this specific idea if they really wanna keep the tarot reading. omg it reminds me of a bad version of "the raven cycle" oh my fucking gods

"A Dog and A Plane" - when a petty EMT owes an uppity flight attendant money after their luggages get switched, a scheme is cooked to find out if the flight attendant's boyfriend is cheating on him. But it gets complicated when the EMT realizes that he may be falling for the attendant. jfc i think my summaries are getting worse im sorry. ANYWAY IM SAT FOR THIS ONE - ngl i was eh but now rewatching the trailer, i think this'll be v fun. i think this is the first flight attendant BL since . . . "what the duck" (2018) right??? ohmygods i love that its still not in college but im intrigued about how they'll portray their professions bc tbh even if they did get together, their jobs are demanding and i hope they address it

"Me and Thee" - we follow a photographer way out of his depths when a soap opera obsessed mafia head asks for romantic advice from him to pursue a model. ok this is giving HEAVY "kinnporsche" vibes omg even down to the lighting and locations (BITCH I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THE POOL!) i am hesitant to really sit on this one bc while it feels fun and kind of cute, i want more from the story if the backdrop is mafia/shady business bc the rich boy asking a non-rich guy for help feels reminiscent of college BL yk? idk i want stakes! action! drama! so i'll def keep an ear out for this one but im not gonna be holding my breath (p.s. i don't like the title kahw;afiwe)

"Wu" - an athlete down on his luck gets hired as an assistant to a fortune teller and soon finds out their meeting is not just a coincidence. somehow i am sat for this cuz 1) idk the specifics of the plot 2) it's the guys from that one non-bl but it's so bl show "high school frenemy" and 3) there might be some action and mystery. i like that the actors' chemistry and a basic idea of the story is enough to lure me in which is surprising considering its Nani and Sky's 2nd project together. also what is up with these themes of fate/magic/tarot/etc like bruh

"Memoir of Rati" - we follow Rati, a teacher and translator, as he recounts the days back in 1915 when he taught French to bureaucrats and fell in love with one of them at the house he was staying at. girl i am SAT! STFU! first, i love inngreat like "wandee goodday" was such a pleasant surprise of 2024 and 2nd, i'll always be sat for a thai historical drama thank youuuu and 3rd, that second love story?? aouboom are everything (despite not having seen them as an actual love team oops)

"Ticket to Heaven" - set in 1996, we follow a young altar boy struggling with his faith and his sexuality when he's tasked with caring for a new student at his school. AND IT'S BEING DIRECTED BY P'AOF?? GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME PLEASE! obvi i am sat for this! give me my religious trauma bl drama as if my own hasn't been enough - there's so much to work with here and the way the trailer was done felt so . . . open? like it's not just this open-closed book about faith and sexuality but a genuine exploration to understanding oneself like holy shit that concept of wanting to go to heaven bc you want to see your parents again?? uhm excuse me midnight mass, we've got another father pruitt on the rise aah! but yes i am down and ready for this so bad don't touch me

those are my half-baked thoughts/feelings for the gmmtv 2025 trailers - please come and talk to me about them bc im genuinely excited for some of them to come out (makes me wanna actually catch up on the ones that came out this year teehee)

GMMTV trailer thoughts (part one)

ok, i have time (not really) to talk about each GMMTV trailer for 2025 because apparently i haven't done this since . . . the 2022 line-up oh my gods - anyway, enjoy my half-formed thoughts/feelings

"Dare You to Death" - we follow two detectives (so opposites attract it seems) who are trying to capture a serial killer after this group of college students after one young girl is killed during a game of truth or dare. i like the concept, it's giving "manner of death". i hope that the layers are clean and well-paced, maintaining the tone because there's the love story btwn the detectives, then the mystery with the different, suspicious college students (unless the number shrinks by production time), but that just means there's much to work with

"Head to Head" - we follow Jinn and Jay (neighbors, classmates, rivals) in the fashion department in college and when their beef gets Jay injured (and seeing the future where Jinn dies??), they live together and realize their feelings for each other. personally, the beginning felt very "bad buddy" and then the seeing-into-the-future caught me off guard because why? (to be different, yes, but why?) the story isn't giving 12-episode run-time, but maybe it might surprise me like "be my favorite" did. for now, though it is def low priority watch

"Burnout Syndrome" - guided by the advice/warning (?) of a second male lead, a young man (possibly an escort going through burnout) meets Mr. K, a mysterious and possibly dangerous businessman. idk if i did that synopsis right but that's what it feels like. also i already got that trailer song in my playlist the moment i heard it omgg so good. so can we talk about how we got another offgun series AND it's a LOVE TRIANGLE with DEW AND IT'S BEING DIRECTED BY P'NUCHY?! i'm sat, i'm ready, i am in waiting. i really hope we lean into the symbolism/imagery of burning, fire, passion, kindle, embers, flames, ashes, pain, warmth, danger, etc. because there is so much to work here with this kind of dynamic! we must not waste it! (p.s. i hope we get that scene where dew is walking out and gun just watches him with tears in his eyes while off wraps his arms around him possessively, omg the toxic, the pain, the drama!) (p.p.s. also im a sucker for underwater kisses!)

"I Love (A Lot of) You" - we follow a young man who is tasked with getting a girl with multiple personalities to fall in love with him (all five of her personalities, specifically). the tone . . . is confusing for me? in the beginning it felt like a thriller/horror but then it gets all rom-com then gets all thriller again (i think its the music choice and lighting). im not fully on board with the story - i need more groundwork because there's nuance to be had since she does have a mental health condition, there is typically some trauma associated with it. there is usually a reason as to why each personality emerges, so i really do hope that if it's truly a love story, there is a sensitivity to the subject (tbh look a little bit at "moon knight" as an example).

"Whale Store xoxo" - we follow Wan, a young woman who suddenly finds herself an owner of her father's shop and struggling to make ends meet, until she meets Maewnam, a local handywoman, and they work together to make the shop thrive and fall in love along the way. listen, im a sucker for milklove and will always be ready for them. im glad there's a secondary w/w couple too (who seem to have a rocky relationship - im intrigued). it feels slice-of-life with wholesome dynamics and maybe the occasional pulling of heart strings like those comfort kdramas (i'm thinking of "hometown cha cha" or "crash course romance"). im sat and waiting patiently, ty

"ONLY FRIENDS: DREAM ON" - a second season of messy relationships now in a drama theater setting (fitting) with Boston making it his personal playground . . . again. BITCH! WHEN I SAW THIS, I SCREAMED! NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A FUNCTIONAL TRAILER! we are given the specific dynamics of each relationship and how they'll interact with each other and how MESSY IT WILL GET OH MY GODS YES! what a blueprint (it's giving degrassi circus trailer bitch)! also i love that mix came back like omg and being in a drama theater? fucking perfection! like now there's intentional layers, like the story has a chance to be tighter and focused yk? and the willingness to break branded pairs? oh i better fucking see it! BREAK THEM UP BITCH LET'S GO! i literally scoffed off the idea of a season two but here i am boo boo the clown sat and ready to get toxic all over again. (p.s. the audacity of giving another gawinjoss story when im still sat for "my golden blood" bitch where aRE THEY!?)

"That Summer" - after getting sent to work for his uncle for a summer, Lava stumbles upon a washed-up amnesiac prince whom he later falls in love with. there's also a mystery as to who is trying to harm the prince and if their relationship can survive outside of one summer on an island. ok...first off i'm happy for Winny and Satang, can't wait to see how it'll go! the story reminds me a lot of "overboard" which leads me to thinking that maybe this story is more set for a movie instead of a 12-episode series, even with the second love story? again it could lean into slice-of-life chill pace territory but the story alone does not butter my biscuit so it may be a low priority watch for now

"My Romance Scammer" - we follow two cousins who find themselves in marriages with scammers, but things get complicated when the scammers' feelings may be more genuine than previously planned. BITCH! i'm sat for this one - like the cousins having different views on love/marriage, the scammers trying not to fall in love with their targets, the cousins trying to get back at the scammers, the repercussions of this scam! gods i freaking love junior and mark like holy shit they are just *chef's kiss* the only thing i think im worried about is how everything is established to us and where we go from there since there's two relationships going long enough for there to be a marriage THEN the scam reveal THEN consequences THEN the re-falling in love yk? but im always ready for messy mess, let's goooo! (also like im filipino so two people in the same family getting married at the same time gave me goosebumps like GIRLL SUKOB)

"Melody of Secrets" - when he stumbles upon a crime scene with no recollection of who he was there for, a young journalist will go to great lengths to find the connection between him, the mysterious detective who claims to be his boyfriend, and a series of murder cases. first off, I WAS FUCKING RIGHT - THEY FINALLY GAVE FORCEBOOK A MYSTERY COP THILLER FUCK YESS (i didn't really post abt it but i spoke it into existence!) I AM FINALLY BEING FED IN 2025!! LIKE FORCE'S BLURRED FACE ON TOP OF BOOK AND THAT FINAL SCENE??? BITCH! 2nd, the story is intriguing but goddamnit there better be some groundwork for this mystery like im already not feeling for the amnesia (sorry) and is tankhun really a twin? ugh. i might make a separate post about it but some alternative ideas are connection btwn memory and music (hello, melody?); no amnesia but faded memories because they were separated and got reunited; family memories or legacy/ancestry??? regardless, i AM FUCKING SAT AND IMPATIENTLY WAITING!

"Love You Teacher" - when his boyfriend gets into an accident where his mind regresses to a seven-year-old, a kindergarten teacher (who happens to not like kids) tries to navigate this new landscape in his relationship. listen, i love santaperth and sammy, but . . . this story just does not . . . do it for me? i do believe there's a way to make it work but there needs to be an emphasis on nuance and recovery because . . . how do i put this lightly . . . there's so much that can go wrong. i'm not saying it's inherently bad, just that there should be sensitivity instead of just being another silly cutesy story. also it's giving movie than 12-episode series so idk . . . im not holding my breath for this one

[lannisterdaddyissues]

top 5 favorite anime?

ANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS ASK IS EVERYTHING THANK YOU!!!! i am going to take this so seriously you will come to regret asking this. i can fit so much infodumping into this ask

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Ok. This anime literally invented women. I cannot emphasize enough how superior the female characters in FMA:B are to any other female character ever. The worldbuilding is so cool (science magic is so dope ngl) and I love the parallels with real-world history! The character development is on another level and the buildup to the climax in the last arc of the series is so ingenious. I'd say it's the Game of Thrones of anime, but it puts Game of Thrones to shame any day of the week. It's one of the first anime I ever watched and I've been obsessed with it for 8 years straight. Absolutely changed my life.

2. Mob Psycho 100

This show looks so fucking weird. It took me ages to watch it because every time I saw it trending on social media, I thought to myself, "what the fuck? Why does it look like that?" But it's good because of that. Literally everything about this anime is "why does it look like this?" Why doesn't Reigen have any powers when he’s the main character’s sage, wise life coach? Why does Mob want to be normal when he has psychic powers? Why isn't it like other anime? That's exactly the point and it's GREAT. There are so many important themes and messages in this series and it teaches a lot of life lessons. It's also one of those shows where everyone is your blorbo and you will be fed for years by the fandom. God bless.

3. Major

Guys. Guys, guys, guys. This is, in my humble opinion, the greatest anime ever made. It would be #1 on my list if not for the fact that it's obscure as fuck and also a sports anime. Now I am not a sports anime fan by any stretch of the imagination (Haikyuu who? Kuroko no Basuke what?) but it is so much more than a simple sports anime, I just want to emphasize that right now. It's about baseball, yes, and all the characters do in fact play baseball, but there is so much drama and character development in this show it puts Your Lie in April to shame. You see, there's something very special about this show, and that is that it spans through the entire main character's childhood and adolescence from kindergarten age to adulthood. Progressing through each season was like watching my children grow up. The writing is superb, and I should add that the first five episodes are the best of the entire series and will guarantee that you binge all six seasons in record time. It sounds so corny, but I don't lie when I say that every single episode made me laugh and cry and scream and cheer. Additionally, I have never watched a single baseball game in my life--I picked this series up purely by chance because I saw the cover art of the sequel and decided to give it a try--but I have so many regrets about not playing softball in school now. Every episode is so exciting and thrilling and I'm on the edge of my seat the entire time with anticipation of the end result. Lastly, this is another one of those shows where every single character is my blorbo and I simply do not have a favorite because I love them all more than I can ever express. The sheer depth of emotional attachment I have to this series is truly unhealthy, 10/10 would recommend. Anyway, thank you for listening to my TED Talk and please watch Major. Your skin will be clear and your crops will flourish.

4. Death Note

I don't even know where to begin here. This show is something else entirely. It's earned a reputation as that show that everyone and their mom is watching, and true enough, it is that show. The suspense in every episode was almost enough to kill me. The psychological warfare is real. It's so refreshing that, for once, I can watch a show where the main character is undeniably, irredeemably corrupt and evil. Give him a book of death and he says "fuck it," goes off-the-walls unhinged, and immediately throws his morals away to begin a career in serial killing and ascend to godhood. Don't even TRY to excuse what he does because it ruins the experience. Even better is the fact that the guy who's trying to enact justice on him is Even Worse. There's also a good helping of gay subtext thrown in if you're into that.

5. Shadows House

Like Major, this anime is criminally underrated but it's relatively new, so I hope it will get more traction in the future. It has one of the most fresh and intriguing premises I've seen for a long time, with some really unique worldbuilding and lore that blew my mind. I'm not really a slice-of-life person, though I do enjoy mysteries, but this one drew me in from the very first episode and exceeded all my expectations for another average series. I love the character development and writing in this show, the character designs and animation are top-notch, and, again, there is a healthy dose of queer subtext for ALL of the characters (not even just the main characters). Another must-watch for anyone who wants to find that special media that they will become obsessed with on a toxic level and never recover from.

[hanjo-love]

Now I became selfish and I hope the shard is showing Hanji being saved by Kiyomi or something. She go the worst treatment and if Isayama was afraid of the backslash like you said why make it even worse with those parallels with eremika? Is he preparing the Fandom for another levihan moment? I'm tired of EVERYONE surviving but her, Kiyomi's kindness really??? And Onyankopon, while I don't hate him, he survived a plane crash and he doesn't add much yet he is there for being the editor's favorite, Yelena is there after all she did and she adds even less, and the people titanized will revert to human (or at the very least Isayama's favorites will).

Oh anonie, you and me both my friend, you and me both 😔 Beware, a long rant-ish meta is ahead of you lol

I have absolutely no fucking idea why Yams decided to treat Hanjo like shit. You know, after a long time of denying her death, I was starting to accept it, because she was finally free, free of the burden and pain and finally reunited with the people she missed and longed for the most. But then Yams decided to slap us all in the faces saying there's no happy & peaceful afterlife in snk and Hanjo was probs only hallucinating because of her 4 years long depression? Well then, fuck you Yams! What was that even for? Isayama never backed off of showing us the horrors of death in snk, no matter how important the characters and how brutal their deaths really were. Still, he never showed us Hanji's actual death or dead body. He kept it misterious and his vague answers only made it worse. So it's only natural for us to expect a plot twist, right? That's the reason all of us gathered various hints in the manga, anime and his interviews. And lemme tell you, these theories are far more logical, better explained and have less plot holes than the entire final arc smh (yes I'm salty, fight me lol)

I hate to admit it, my inner self is still in denial and fighting, but Hanjo ain't coming back folks. We won't get any background story and the misterious shard will never be explained to us either. Yams had more than enough time to bring Hanjo back, if he truly wanted to. But he didn't. And now with only one chapter and so many unanswered questions left, there's no time for Hange's return. Why would he even do that anyways? Hanjo isn't important to him or to the story anymore. To us she is, always was and always will be ❤️ You know, I'm so fucking desperate to see her again, I'll even take one last panel of Levi remembering her, just like in ch136. Yams just let us see Hanjo one more fucking time 🙏🏻 I need to say my proper goodbyes to my one&only comfort character, who's influenced my life like no one else ever did ❤️

Back to Levihan (I don't think I can answer an ask without my biased and trashy shipper ass butting in lmfao): the question why Yams confirmed Levihan as canon if he didn't intend to bring Hange back and reunite her with Levi to make us him happy again? Well, isn't it obvious? This man is the devil incarnate. THIS MAN HAS NO FUCKING CHILLS lmfao JK y'all before someone declares war on me and my blog haha Well anonie, I feel like Yams really wanted to confirm his initially planned ships as canon, before the manga ends. And he chose the safest way possible. Easy as that. Also he said he is going for a bittersweet ending and what's more tragic (in this literal hell) than separating lovers, ergo Eremika and Levihan.

Now to something else, that's been bothering me for a while now and I'll use your ask anonie to share my thoughts with the world even though nobody asked lmao tbh I'm a bit disappointed with Armin. I love him, I really do. He's my precious cinnamon roll and my fave 104th kiddo. But honestly, I was expecting a bit more of the alleged "hero who will safe humanity". In fact, I'm sure Hanjo only died for Armin to become the new commander. That's it. That was the reason she had to die. Yams glossed over her to make Armin shine. But in fact, Levi's the one who's giving orders ever since Hange has left them. I might me salty, but I really hope the talk with Zeke (and probs Ymir as well, we still might have a chance to see the dialog that made Ymir change her mind) and his titan nuke weren't the only things he did as "humanity's hero" in this final arc. For some people this might me enough, for me it isn't. It wasn't worth Hange's sacrifice. Also what made me really sad was Armin himself glossing over Hanjo when he remembered Erwin Danchou, but not her. Like she didn't just pass away an hour ago to save their pathetic asses. Ugh this is making me hella mad, ngl. Hanjo didn't deserve this treatment! She gave her all for this! To save the alliance, to "pay the price" for her "sins" as the SC commander and to save humanity. I can't deal with how all of them and the fandom apparently forgot about that.

Now on to "Kiyomi's kindness" lol I wasn't really mad at Gabi for saying this as most of the fandom was. I won't go into detail why she isn't really a rationally thinking character (yo guys, you do remember she's a 12 year old kid, right?), but it's a fact that she didn't care for Hange enough to mention her. I mean, why would she? She barely even knew her. Also we don't really know what's gonna happen with Yelena, Kiyomi and her delegation. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but I feel like Kiyomi accepted her death with saying "that's not enough atonement for what I did anyway". I mean they don't know if the alliance will win (they probably think they won't) and they're in the middle of literally nowhere. So I feel like Gabi said that because Kiyomi sacrificed herself (and the others on that ship) willingly, for Gabi, Falco and Annie getting a little chance of surviving and helping the alliance. But I get the rage of the fandom. Especially because no one, except for Levi, remembered Hange after her noble sacrifice.

As for Yelena and Onyankopon, there obviously has to be someone from outside of Paradis to survive the rumbling, otherwise it wouldn't make a lot of sense, I guess. I like Onyankopon a hecking lot ❤️ precious boi was literally crying for Hanjo 😭 Yelena on the other hand deserves what she got. Death would be too easy and kind for her tbh. She has to live with the consequences, just like Kiyomi, so I'm actually glad they survived. So my guess is, it's not really about who's Yams' favorite and what these people are contributing to the story, but it's rather about a logical ending and a good conclusion of the story.

I agree with you about the ones who have been titanized. They'll for sure revert back to humans. It's not really Yams' style to kill of an important character like Gabi, whose character development he's been forcing on us for quite a while now lol. I'm pretty positive about an ending with the titan curse being broken and bringing the titanized people back to human beings (probs also the millions of colossal titans?). It's only natural for Yams to end the story with the titan curse being lifted. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense to end his story at this point. But let's not forget what a big ass troll Yams is lmao you never really know what he's up to, so let's prepare for the unimaginable lmfao

I'll probably never forgive Isayama for what he did to Hange, his best written character, how he completely ruined her and threw her away as disposable, just to make other characters "shine". HER DEATH WAS POINTLESS AND IT DID NOT FUCKING CHANGE ANYTHING! That's the harsh truth y'all. Yams betrayed Hanjo and us AND FOR WHAT?

Thanks for the ask anonie and sorry I turned this into my personal rant lmao hope you still enjoy reading my thoughts on this ❤️

[blueprint-han]

Dawn, what a masterpiece you have crafted with Silver Rose. I wish you could have seen me reading it live and just the amount of times my face scrunched up and I felt like bawling and sobbing like a baby, because this hurt me so much and I'm going to need some time to emotionally recover from the rollercoaster of a ride this was.

I don't have my laptop rn and can't rb smh, so I'm just going to tell you my thoughts here and then do that some time later okay. be warned. uh.... long, very long rant ahead, because I took this fic personally and would like to thank you but also spew out some profanity because holy SHIT THIS WAS TERRIBLY PAINFUL

wait uhh a SPOILER FOR SILVER ROSE AHEAD!!

where do I even start? from the beginning even, you established this very heavy, very dark atmosphere that like, made me feel like wherever this story was going, it wouldn't end up good and like, yeah that was the dread speaking I think oh gods uhh my thoughts will probably not make sense but bare with me

I can't even come close to imagine the pain jeongin must have been feeling all throughout this and you just described his emotions so fucking well and wow it, just reading it made me so emotional and teary and so reading him just beating himself up over and over and over inside just broke me oh man

and his guilt for "not loving" reader is just, that line in the beginning broke me because IT WASNT TRUE!! YOU DID LOVE HER, JEONGIN!! but it wasn't the same way as reader and he realised it and allowed himself to love her in that way much too late- what I'm trying to say is, he loved her so so so much, but it wasn't romantically, but that doesn't lessen the value any less because cmon man, he cares for reader so much????

"Could Jeongin ever forgive himself?"

NO MAN WTF ALL THE WAY INTO THE ENDING IT JUST PAINED ME BECAUSE EVEN AFTER YEARS AND YEARS HE STILL COULDNT oh dear i-

the reason reader was suffering was all technically because of him, it all led back to him and just imagining the sheer amount of guilt he was facing and it killed me inside when you wrote how even he was shrinking down and sick with worry and everything but the when jeongin finally confessed in that garden, the days after that, he started to get better while reader started to worsen???

the first moment I actually felt so emotionally stricken by was when he told reader to not leave him and that was when I finally cried and it ACHED

and something about the reader saying "One last time" and the fact that she couldn't even get to finish the sentence and struggled… the way jeongin knew that and felt like dropping to his knees and just sobbing his heart out, yet again, right then and there… it hurt

and the contrast between ↓

the parallels are so amazing and heartbreaking

the moment in the garden scene where reader tell jeongin "I love you" directly, it just hurt my heart to read about Jeongin's dams just bursting and him breaking down in tears just from those three words, because reader was dying for that exact same reason, because she loved him is just… my heart reached out for him even though this was just a fictional story

and jeongin begging reader to not hold him back and to let him just…. to just love you

the way reader notices the year streaks on his face after cleaning the bloodied bowl, the time when reader says that she would rather die, knowing that jeongin loved you, instead of just living in that numbness, AND THEN YOU HAD TO HIT US EITH "but he knows he hasn't faced the worst part yet." like, HOW MUCH MORE WRONG COULD THIS GO????

much worse apparently.

him dragging out some time to stay with reader longer before she died because he was still so so so scared of letting reader go?? my heart?? does not properly function anymore??? pain??

there was this thought that I had while reading the silver rose part.

the rose signified a pain, a beautiful pain, right? I just found it so sad, that the meaning was so different to a silver lining. silver linings represent something good amidst the dark and dreary clouds, yet this silver rose just brought so much pain and… fuck you, rose. I won't look at flowers the same way again.

the second time I had to put down my phone and just weep for a moment was near the end, when jeongin finay visits her grave and tells her that he would make her proud, that he would not let her be forgotten. it brought me a feeling of closure, and I felt so fucking bittersweet. THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME, DAWN. WTH.

MY POINT IS, I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE A LEGEND FOR WRITING THIS ROLLERCOASTER OF A JOURNEY

okay I actually hate Tumblr because I answered this ask and Tumblr just crashed so I have to write it out again zmzhzj

🥺😭❣️ oh my gosh, this is going to make me cry. Your words have definitely made me feel very happy, and your excitement and analysis of the story is making me feel KAKDJLDNSKIS on the inside thank u so much vera :((((

NOOOO I DIDN'T WANNA RUIN ROSES FOR U 😭😂 but your analogy of the silver linings and roses is an interesting thought! I hadn't thought of it that way but now that you've told me it makes sense! It's such a good way to think of the symbolism and 😭🥺😭🥺 you've just made my whole day and your words carry a special place in my heart.

ALSO SKSJSKJS THE PARALLELS THING WERE ONE OF MY FAV LINES FROM THE WHOLE THING!!

Also I had to give these two butterflies closure or my heart wouldn't have let me live in peace ;-; it is very bittersweet and ngl it made me cry when I wrote it smxbxkxn

KSMSKJSKSJ I am no where near a legend dear but just because it's you I will accept that title 🥺😭❣️ and thank YOU for writing me this ask ;-;

ps if u wanna rb the fic via mobile, u can go to my blog and you'll see some self Reblogs of the fic below the pinned post, and u can rb them! Tumblr won't crash when u do that that's how I've been self reblogging them via mobile zjzjzmjzh </3

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 3x19 Choices

aka everyone’s just dying to give each other a piece of their mind

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And I’ve been waiting forever for today’s episode to finally discuss some quality Willow and Faith feelings... And it turns out that it was just a 2-minute-scene all along? Still, we’ll be making the best out of those 2 minutes, folks.

There’s actually a lot going on in Choices, but I want to get the main rant out first, before I get lost in all the small details of it.

So... Willow and Faith.

Fun fact, did you know that that is actually the 5th most popular BtVS F/F pairing tag on Ao3? Right after the popular canon, the popular “it’s basically canon and you can fucking sue me” ship, the pairing of the two main female characters (shout out to the Wuffys, I got you) and the less popular canon ship.

Which... wasn’t really what I was expecting? I mean, I also wasn’t expecting #6 being Faith/Dawn (having a 2 fic-lead on the ultimate OTP because you’re all heathens), so I guess I know nothing.

Some of those switch though if you filter for the F/F category, look, I have charts:

(Meanwhile Buffy/Kendra has like 12 fics, you really are all heathens.)

Anywho, thanks for coming to my Ted talk about the math of Buffy femslash. Now, back to Willow and Faith specifically.

Once I thought about it, it did make sense that this is actually a popular fandom pairing I guess? On one hand, it’s a common denominator situation, as in note which characters pop up consistently on that chart... On the other hand, in this episode alone Willow taunts Faith to which she responds by punching her and threatening her with a knife... And that’s pretty much how foreplay works as far as Faith’s concerned.

Faith just likes it rough, okay? Remember the screencap I used for Consequences after Buffy punches her?

I rest my case.

But I’m already way off topic here. Because what I was actually planning on talking about initially was how Willow felt about Faith, and the source of those feelings.

I already pointed this out, but I feel it’s worth repeating - Willow’s dislike of Faith goes back to two episodes in particular: Bad Girls and Consequences. As far as I was able to discern this time during my rewatch, there were no previous signs of animosity between the two preceding that two-parter.

In Bad Girls, Buffy blows Willow off for their study session to go out with Faith, and starts rambling about how Willow and Xander wouldn’t understand anyway what she and Faith do.

Willow is deeply hurt and jealous... She actually blows Buffy off too in return when she tries talking to her at school in the next episode, and only listens once Buffy shows up crying at her doorstep not knowing what to do about the whole Faith killed a guy situation.

In the same episode, Xander lets it slip that he and Faith had sex... And Willow is once again obviously hurt and jealous. She even has a good cry about it in the bathroom.

And I guess that that seems like a stronger emotional response than how she reacts to Faith stealing away Buffy from her, but it’s still coming from the same place. Note her line in that episode when she acknowledges her biases:

I'm not the most objective, I know. I kind of have an issue with Faith sharing my people.

“Sharing my people” - she’s pointedly talking about both Xander and Buffy here.

And there is a specific kind of betrayal that she feels from Xander, and that’s going to translate to pretty much all of Xander’s relationship... But at this point, it’s not really about her wanting that relationship with Xander. She had the option and she rejected it.

Still, if Xander has that with someone else, that makes their shared experiences feel less special. It makes her feel like less special in his life. (Which unfortunately tracks with a lot of Xander’s behavior about how he’s always chasing the new, shiny and unattainable thing in his life.)

Meanwhile with Buffy, Willow is mostly supportive of her relationships... up until to the point that she feels like they’re taking up the space that she occupies in Buffy’s life. And that very much happens with Faith in those moments, as Buffy suddenly feels like she can’t share with Willow what she and Faith has. (I swear, I’m not even trying, these sentences just turn out this way.)

So... yeah. Willow is super pissed at Faith for having the audacity to try and take away her people from her, and then hurting the both of them.

And I guess we can see some of that same kind of jealousy with Faith (I can and I will read parallels into Willow and Faith’s characters, just you wait) and her whole thing with Buffy and Angel in Choices... Except it’s weirdly misdirected? Like is the Mayor and the show seriously trying to tell us that Faith is jealous about Angel not wanting to make out with her, when that whole thing was all about Buffy in the first place?

Really, Mayor Wilkins? Really?

Well, I guess he is evil.

Back to Willow though, we have this scene where she gets taken hostage, and after she murders her vampire guard with a pencil (amazing), she decides to get comfortable in the Mayor’s office and read through all 5 tomes of the Books of Ascension??? It’s such a delightful nonsense.

Of course, I’m definitely with her on the whole “knowledge is power” notion. Even if they were to prevent the Mayor from having this Box of MacGuffin, there’s no way to tell if that would actually stop the Ascension. But knowing what’s to come and what they could do about it? That’s a definite win.

The issue is that as Faith puts it, being caught red-handed while gaining that knowledge makes Willow some very strong murder material for the bad guys. She could’ve just put the books in a bag, and tried escaping with them, or get the hell out there the moment she discovered those sensitive pages.

But do you know what I think? I think Willow just wanted to have the chance to confront Faith. She was ready to die just to give her a piece of her mind.

Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.

That’s commitment.

Notice also how she highlights Faith having Buffy in her life and not appreciating it enough to keep fighting. I do feel like Willow is deeply offended by that. I talk about her jealousy a lot, but her commitment to the people she loves is usually her more dominant character trait. Feeling like Faith stole her friends from her hurt her; but her anger mostly comes from the fact that Faith hurt Buffy and Xander in unimaginable ways.

I guess this episode did give me a lot of Willow feelings.

Someone else who shared Willow’s need to impart some wisdom in the most inconvenient times was the Mayor. And honestly? I didn’t care a whole lot about it. Angel and Buffy has a million other conflicts that come before him being immortal.

Like, I get that it’s supposed to shake them out of their own little bubble a bit, and face the fact that they don’t really see a future together. I believe the phrasing I previously used was that being together prevents them from becoming the people they want to be.

Their initial exchange at the graveyard is kinda hilarious though. “You never take me to any place new” - I’m still laughing, ngl.

At the same time, Xander and Cordelia still appear to be having their bitter verbal conflicts. Which is weird, especially after Earshot, an episode that I praised for including Cordelia in the group once again. (I guess maybe Earshot was written with a different place in the season in mind for it initially? I know that it didn’t air when it was supposed to too, because of the school shooting aspect...)

Here, the two of them are once again out to get each other. Even Buffy ends up in the crossfires, as Cordelia aims one of her pointedly cruel jabs at her. Yikes.

But we also find out here that Cordelia is working in a dress shop now, so there’s that.

And this episode of course is also about everyone’s futures. Willow decides that despite being accepted into literally every school ever, she’s going to attend UC Sunnydale with Buffy. Not just to be with her, but because she enjoys saving the world and all that jazz.

Oh, Willow, if you only knew...

This of course also presents a welcome contrast for Buffy, who feels like she doesn’t have a choice but to stay in Sunnydale. It’s a really nice moment between them, as Buffy realizes herself that she too very much made that choice herself. Because that’s who Buffy is. Someone who could never turn her back on the people who need her.

Buffy:  I kinda love you.

We all do, Buffy. Just ask Oz, and his decisive ingredient smashing move that annihilated the whole argument about whether or not they should rescue Willow. (”That’s your future wife!” - me @ Alexis Denisof in that scene.)

Also, shout out at that whole Mission Impossible heist premise we got going on in this episode. I always appreciate a weird clash of genres.

[m0th-gh0st]

do not even get me started on seans final monologue in act three omfg one of the only moments in the entire series that actually made me cry

and like??? there’s just so many things i could comment on that by itself but i love how you pointed out the parallels between his first and final appearance, i will never get over how lee initially hesitated to drive the knife into himself, for the obvious reason of not necessarily wanting to die, but what if he had more things he wanted to ask sean??? did he think sean would come back for him after he stabbed himself??? did he want that extra moment to tell sean what he was feeling, how he felt about everyone dying, and how they were friends once but nothing can ever be the same???

i also find it very interesting that sean both times in regards to lee confronting him tries to make them seem similar to one another (i.e sean trying to relate lee to himself via the speaker when interrogated, and while also on the bridge, tells him out to get out of purgatory even when he states that him and lee are no longer friends at that time) because even while sean was being actively manipulated by the speaker, he went out of his way for lee, desperately trying to find parallels between them, since no matter how fucked him up, he confided in lee, he found comfort in him even when he put him in extreme danger because they were friends once, and sean recognizes this until the end of their relationship

anyways that’s my thoughts for the day lmfao i can never shut up about these guys

- seanlee anon (hope you have a good day thanks for reading lolol)

I'm gonna fall down a flight of stairs THIS IS SO GOOD YOU ARE SO RIGHT AND YOUR BRAIN IS HUGE!!!!

honestly part of why pennysylvania trip is one of my favourite episodes, sure its more light hearted but everything in it is so genuine and it does a great job of establishing lee and seans friendship

which really makes you think, how did sean deteriorate so fast in the span of a year? even in the truth he sounds very disorientated when he calls lee ngl.

personally, I've always liked to think that Lee was all sean had left after he lost sacrificed everything to the speaker, so losing that too is kinda what made him "snap" so to speak and just fully give in to the speaker

which is also why its always kind of annoyed me we never see sean get mentioned again until his identity is revealed in hostage

[tangyss]

The art you reblogged made me think.. I know how important shiro is to keith, so i don't want to take away from their familial bond but how cool would it be if during their fight keith got like.. knocked out and lance stepped up to save the day (because shiro DID reach out to him too!) and maybe held fake shiro back for some time before keith came to so he could have the whole Brother Moment and then they finished the fight together...(sorry i'm just desperate for more serious scenes with lance)

this is really late FUCK but here’s the art anon was talking about!!!

ANON I LOVE U SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I WOULD PAY FOR U TO WRITE FOR VOLTRON......  THIS IDEA IS SO GOOD..... like ngl when i was watching the keith v shiro scene i was expecting them to pull a star wars and have a lion appear beneath them just as they started to fall.... but it would have worked so well if it was red and lance because??? hello?? red would 100% zoom through ten galaxies the second he realises keith’s in danger, and lance would be just as eager to get there when he realises what’s up... but also imagine the real shiro contacting lance during the fight.... kind of paralleling whatever the fake shiro says by saying just how much they need to save keith.... it’d cry lmao

[jimilter]

i can't believe it took me so long to finally get around reading this!!! why am i like this? 😭

oh my god, this began with so much agony??? 😩 that flashback, tho – they been soulmates forever, huh? 😔

also joonie noooo🥺🥺🥺 it'll all get resolved, let these talented af writers get around to writing your story, it'll all work out, i promise! 😩

also – you know what, dear writer? i came here to have my heart healed, but so far we've just been hurting!!! this time i really did nOT sign up for this! 😩

ALSO, can i just say this, real quick: i love all the OCs in this au so much!!! beauty being comforting and checking in with swan, and then we have candy who threw the redhead in the pool! 😂

The thing about lovesickness is that it affects the whole of you. Heartbreak may sound like a temporary state that you swim in until you find your ground again, find hope again. And it’s not untrue - because yes, mostly, it is temporary, fleeting.

But for the time it lingers, it consumes your entire body, a force so strong that you can feel it in your guts, chest, throat, head, everywhere. It makes you lose appetite, causes a type of amnesia that has you run on two glasses of water a day, a pain so intense that it settles in your muscles, limbs, your mind; making it nearly impossible to move at all.

this description, my god. so painfully perfect, dear writer. if i wasn't sobbing before, i certainly was after this! 😭

and, oh my gosh, the way tae asked oc whey she wasn't calling him tae????? my heart b r – o k e😭😩💔

If love was a person, it was you.

aajsdkdldlflskajakdlsloajddk do you want me to DIE, rid? is that what you want??? 😭

You’d long placed your heart in his palms. They were large enough to hold it there forever, enough to cherish it and protect it from anything that put your mind in a mist. But then again, they were big enough to crush it, too.

holy shit, this analogy is so darn amazingly penned! how are you writing poetry in the middle of a story??? 😭 i really can't deal with this!!! so much beautiful writing all packed into one huge heartbreak of a story! i wanna appreciate it all, but the plot keeps making me cry and i get distracted! not fair! 😭

ngl, i had to take a break after she confessed to tae about you know what. . .😩 but when i came back aajskslddlsllsdkdk hoLY FUCK INTENSITY????? they literally have such good chemistry!!!

the smut was so good, oh damn! 🥵 you combined their soft feelings with their burning passion so beautifully!!! not that they haven't had those feelings before, but acknowledging them while they're together makes it so much different. 🥺 and when she cried??? oh my god, my heart!!!!!! these babies!!! 😩😩😩

oh dear writer, that rainbow colors parallel was so beautifully written, damn! 😭❤️ and they're getting married!!!

i can finally stop crying. 🥺

asjsjdkdkfllflglgllddkjsahajskdkkkfjsjjs what a giant rollercoaster ride of emotions!!! 😭😭😭 even tho i cried through, like, the 90% of this whole fic (the rest 10 were spent being horny cause girl you cAN WRITE SOME GOOD QUALITY SMUT! ✊😩), i really loved how you brought the arc together. nothing felt unnecessary or even rushed, their emotions and actions were at a good, understandable pace. they ARE idiots, tho, so of course they made some questionable choices that i 10/10 would NOT recommend, but even so. i loved the reconciliation. 🥺❤️

also – yes, taehyung has been fully redeemed from my end, i'm head over heels again and this butt is back in his ownership sjsksldkl 😩

thank you so much for writing this beautiful story, dear writer! even tho i'm dehydrated from all the crying, my heart IS healed at the end of it all. so we're good, we're more than good, we're fantastic~ 😩❤️

songs about you: symphony | kth (m)

Summary: “Because no matter what happened to the universe, no matter how many stars imploded, how often you imploded, he would light you up anew.”

Both of your touches used to fit your little agreement to fulfill your desires whenever you needed it - when had exactly these touches started to become a quiet whisper in the back of your mind that had you yearn for so much more than just careless nights?

pairing: CEO!Taehyung x female reader

rating: 18+

genre: fwb, childhood friends to lovers, somewhat idiots to lovers; fluff, angst, smut

warnings: so many tears :’), tae and joon have a heart to heart, lovesickness and heartbreak, consumption of alcohol, pining; explicit sexual content: soft dom!tae, sucking/marking/biting, breast play, dirty talk, fingering, oral (f. & m.), he f*cks her mouth mmh, some kinda handjob, praising (no one is surprised), some masturbating, slight hair pulling, teasing, soft sex, rough sex, unprotected sex (they are allowed to, you’re not), kissing omg; literally, what’s with me and my universe/stars metaphors help

word count: 13.5k

a/n: honestly, i feel like this part hurt me personally more than the first lol. but no worries, ladies and gents, you won’t hate me after reading (or so i hope). thank you so much again @joheunsaram, Sons of Midas still owns my soul :) and another thank you to @taemaknae who created this second banner for me, i bow to you bb !!

further mentions: again, super grateful to @voiceswithoulips, @hantaev and @illneverrecover for beta’ing thissss; and to @kithtaehyung for giving this another read !! LOVE YOU GUYS

[!] NOTE: this is a twoshot! the first part was posted two weeks ago and is linked below!

MASTERLIST | WIPs

➳ previous

Holding onto all the little pieces of what you were wasn’t the initial plan.

When he had still felt you in his embrace and woken up with your chest against his, he hadn’t known this was one of the little pieces. Your gentle breath fanning his skin and your steady heartbeat thumping against his had started to feel so natural that he’d never even considered that it would be something he would miss one day.

Keep reading

[steviegrogersthat]

Okay this is gonna be very jumpy but let's go.

First of all, the suit. Not even gonna lie I genuinely teared up seeing Sam in that suit. The combination of Steve's TWS horizontal striping on the chest coming from the star in the centre, the red white and blue wings, and the fact that the shield clips right on top of the wings' power pack? Iconic.

The symbolism in just his suit alone is so incredibly layered and it made me want to cry.

The fact that they kept Sam's Falcon goggle look instead of Steve's helmet style, too. Just made me so happy. Because he wasn't just another body behind the shield, he was stepping up into a legacy while preserving his own. Keeping such a signature part of his original uniform implied that he wasn't just going to forget everything before he became Cap (*coughcoughjohnwalker*), he was going to carry the knowledge and experience he gained as the Falcon forward into this new role.

Next up, the parallels in this episode oh my god

The one sided fight between Sam and Karli. Remind yall of anyone? Hm? Maybe a particular one armed supersoldier that a certain prior Captain refused to fight? Hm?

Sam outright refusing to fight Karli, even when she was literally screaming at him to fight back. He still refused. He still had hope that she could be reached. Remind us of anyone?????????

Next up, johnny boy and his arts and crafts shield. Ngl I cackled. I dont even have that much to say about him, except that he *finally* did something half right by helping Sam and Bucky instead of purely focusing on his revenge.

Which brings me to my next point. Sharon. What the actual fuck. Like that's it that's my entire thought process on that reveal. Just what the fuck Sharon.

Next, jumping back around to Sam and Bucky, Sam's speech to those senators and Buckys lil proud smile watching him. Just tear my damn heart out okay. That was The Look. That was the Look Bucky had for Steve,out notably when Steve rescued him and those other POWs from behind enemy lines in TFA, right before Bucky says "Let's hear it for Captain America." It's the Look he gave Steve in that goddamn bar when Steve asked if he'd get back into the fight with him, saying "That kid from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run from a fight, I'm following him."

That is Bucky's "I'm so proud of you, I love you" smile. And no you cannot convince me otherwise.

And then that little shit being like "lol I wasn't even listening" when Sam walked over to him once he was done roasting actual government officials, just. Like. Steve. Would.

God I am so ridiculously fucking fond rn.

Anyway. This show exceeded all of my expectations and I cannot wait to rewatch it.

Yall.... they can't just.... they can't just end it like that

Fuck

I'll reblog this later once I've processed everything but um

Wow