#the flesh homies in the flesh

[lordboo]

Quartz going through the 5 stages of grief rn

ft Gamaliel- @onlineviolence

[abyssalbloom]

Fellas

[ratwithhands]

shitposting with friends earlier, this is clipped from a larger comic about Sapioflore Emmet and honey.

For context, honey (despite being a relatively common product) is not something most Sapioflores are comfortable eating since most of them make nectar on their own. Even if the honey comes from non-sapient plants, most Sapioflores are weirded out by eating it since it reminds them of their own bodily fluid.

One of many exceptions is Emmet. He often (over)exerts himself, and to keep himself from getting too weak or hungry, he usually keeps a range of foods on hand as snacks to eat through the day. He likes honey since it's basically condensed sugar, plus he just like the flavour/texture. He buys jars in bulk and works through his supply over a few weeks/months, much to Ingo's dismay. Emmet has offered him honey on multiple occasions, but Ingo is generally uninterested so he doesn't bother. More for him after all :)

Other clips from that comic:

I don't think I will share the rest 👍have a good day

[cupophrogs]

Some little guys for a class project yes I just used characters I already had I started it on the day it was due(today)

[diggingsickness]

[tittysuckersworld]

vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-

[jrwiyuri]

Corpse pile!!

[grimtoucher]

[sehtoast]

He Likes You Like This (Homelander x Reader Smut)

18+ | Soft homie smut, riding. Gender Neutral Reader | Fic Directory

He likes you like this.

Straddling his lap. Smiling down at him as your thumbs stroke his cheekbones, fingers scritching just at the nape of his neck.

He sighs deeply, head lolling back, neck exposed. If he were a creature of prey, he’d be dead. If you were a predator, fangs sharp and serrated, he would be fully at your mercy. Perhaps that’s why he likes this so much.

Knowing you would never, ever hurt him. Your touch is love. It is kindness, warmth, and acceptance in droves– and, god… it’s everything to him.

You are everything to him.

You are the beauty in every sunrise. In his eyes, you glow more beautifully than the moon. You are a fresh summer breeze gracing him, blowing softly through his hair and kissing at his cheeks. You are the vibrancy of springtime flowers. The soothing sight of snow cascading past streetlights.

Once upon a time, Copernicus theorized that the sun was the center of the entire universe. He was wrong, of course, but Homelander would wager that it is actually you who holds it all together.

He’d bet his life on it.

His eyes flutter shut when not fangs, but soft lips press to his neck. Those soothing strokes of your thumbs trail up to his temples and he feels weightless under you.

He feels no shame in letting a smile creep onto his face. Does nothing to hide the breathy little giggle that slips from between his lips. He knows you love it.

There’s only so much of this tenderness he can take before he’s hardening. He feels your smirk against his skin, and he knows you know.

His hands travel down your back to your hips, rocking you against his need.

You kiss him to muffle your moan. Your hands snake down to undo his belt, tossing it to the side. Hips press up against you, and it’s not long before you’ve got his cock free and yourself stripped enough to take him.

He slides in like it’s his home. Like your heat was made for him, and he for you. He gazes up at you with hazy eyes and a lazy grin, faltering only when you start to move.

You ride him slowly for a time, preferring instead to watch each little twitch of his face, hear every little breath. His hands are under your shirt, palms pressed against your flesh.

He wants to feel every bit of you that he possibly can. Each time you sink down on his cock, he tries to bury his face in your neck until you finally get the hint and let him. He breathes deep, letting the scent of you overtake his senses until all there is, all there ever will be is you.

His breaths are hot and heavy, whimpers barely muffed against your skin. His tongue darts out to lave over you, tasting you down to the most base chemical level. He whines, tells you he’s close just as his hand snakes down to finish you off.

When you come on his cock, he swears he sees stars.

The air leaves his body, his muscles lock, and he howls your name against your neck. He kisses and laps at where he’s nibbled marks, promising more. Homelander holds you through the quakes of your orgasm, thrusting up into your pulsing heat as he paints your walls with proof of his love.

Oh, how you glow above him. You are more than all the stars could ever hope to be.

He holds you there. Stays inside you, runs his hands up and down your back. Whispers in your ear how perfect you are, how much he loves you, how grateful he is to have you.

In times like these especially, he’s not afraid to tell you what’s in his heart.

You nuzzle his nose with yours once you finally come down, leaning back just a smidge to gaze at him. His eyes are so soft, twinkling with adoration and appreciation. It stirs the feeling of butterflies inside, and you shine brilliantly as you smile once more.

He likes knowing he’s the reason for it.

“I love you,” you tell him.

He likes having you so close.

He likes knowing you’ll be the last thing he sees before he sleeps, and the first thing when he wakes.

“I love you…”

He likes that you love him just as much as he loves you.

[peggyao3]

Here comes the Sun [1/2]

PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Unnamed Ambiguous FMC

SUMMARY: Feyd-Rautha is the center of attention for an entire planet, but it counts for nothing because his favorite concubine isn't paying attention during the fight. How dare she ruin his birthday?

TAGS: 18+, smut, she/her AFAB FMC, mixed POVs, mutual pining, gore, cannibalism ❗ (just a lil), Baron being a homie, Feyd has that bratty vibe, God Complex Feyd, jealousy ❗, other concubines begone, arguments, insults, hate love relationship, enemies and lovers, porn with plot, marriage proposal, vaginal sex, knife kink, pain kink ❗, smut in chapter 2, semi-public sex ❗, angst with happy ending

WORD COUNT: 2.4k

Reposted from my Ao3 💕| Masterlist under construction ⚠️

Divider by @saradika-graphics

Next Chapter →

Feyd-Rautha’s cock is always half-hard when he fights. Adrenaline and Testosterone have an almost equal effect on his body. Sheathing your blade in a foe’s flesh is not so different from sheathing your cock in a woman’s cunt.

Today, he is almost fully hard. Here in the center of the arena, on his birthday, he is the center of the world, of the known universe maybe.

The curved, polished steel in his hand was forged under the merciless sun of Giedi Prime, just like the Gladiator who wields it. The blade slides into the prisoner’s thorax, finding the entry point between two ribs with effortless grace. Feyd holds him close, so he can hear the man’s last dying breath as a whisper in his ear. The sword glides out of the man’s limp fist and he is dead before it hits the ground. A mouth full of tar is the last image etched into his retina.

The arena roars with one voice, its echo booming all the way up to the stratosphere. Feyd raises his blade to the black sun. Paul Artreides may have been a messiah but Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen is a God, worshiped by hundreds of thousands who rage, stomp and chant. Feyd-Rautha.

His gaze lifts to the box where the royal family sits, his uncle, Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, Feyd’s brother Glossu Rabban and Feyd’s concubines. Searchingly, his eyes trail to the very left and the fiery warmth of triumph in him implodes, leaving him with an icy void in his guts.

His cock immediately goes flaccid when he realizes that she isn’t watching.

Sullenly, she stares down the gargantuan, triangular colossus of black walls and bald Harkonnen heads. Compared to them, she and the other women seated to her left are canaries, strapped in opulent gowns and jewelry, though Giedi Prime's sun strips them of color all the same.

Half showman, half gladiator and fully deranged, Feyd-Rautha tears through his opponents like a birthday boy through gift wrapping. Every year he takes on more enemies in the ring. On his 18th birthday it had been three. Today he faces eleven and has just cut down the fourth. She has been counting.

When the audience roars, she looks down at her tense hands in her lap. She doesn’t want to see his black, grinning mouth, not the mad elation with which he looks up at the box, gasping for approval like a dog.

Next to her, the gathered concubines burst into exaggerated applause. It is hard to tell who is genuine, who is about to throw up, who secretly shits their lingerie under the dress and who fantasizes about being the next one to be gutted by Feyd’s blade. They are daughters of almost every esteemed Major House. The Harkonnen’s pretty little hostage collection. Unofficially, of course.

There he has it. Plenty of approval.

Feyd’s hunger for violence must have rubbed off on her, because she pictures her hands around some of the throats next to her. She doesn’t know how many of them Feyd actually beds, but seeing them all together conjures mental images that are far more nauseating to her than the festive bloodshed in the ring.

Her hatred is like ice. Her jealousy a cluster of thorns in her guts.

She jumps slightly when suddenly the Baron’s gravelly breath rolls over her shoulder.

“Are you feeling unwell?” A pasty, ringed hand waves for the servant who lingers in the back. The black sun’s radiation can cause migraines for individuals not raised on Giedi Prime, hence why Feyd’s concubines, all of them foreigners, are advised to spend most of their time indoors. The servant offers a small, black pill.

The Baron knows his nephew will be displeased with his favorite concubine’s inattentiveness.

“I’m quite alright,” she dismissively waves a hand and lies, though physically she is fine, she supposes, if one doesn’t count the nausea of jealousy. The servant retreats and Baron Harkonnen hums, leaning back into his chair with the aid of the anti-gravitational device implanted in his spine.

Her fellow concubine and seat neighbor from House Metulli cringes away from her with thinly veiled horror. She is not one of them. She doesn’t socialize with them, if it can be avoided. She doesn’t go to her fellow concubines to cry about how cruel a monster Feyd-Rautha is. She talks to Baron Vladimir Harkonnen as if he couldn’t publicly flay her at any given moment for taking a wrong tone.

The Baron regards the back of the woman’s lowered head and the hostile tension in her shoulders.

At the very least, his nephew’s temper tantrums will be amusing. Baron Harkonnen lifts his binoculars and sees Feyd spraying spittle over the next opponent as he stabs the kukri down the man’s throat and splits it in half.

The Harkonnen palace is the evil product of elegance and brutalism. Concrete, marble, metal and obsidian twist into almost frigid hallways and atriums. Colorless sunlight occasionally spills through the intersected ceilings, futilely attempting to heat up the palace to match the blazing summer outside. Every now and again, an open window lets a gust of warm wind inside and the velvety black banners that proclaim na-Baron Feyd-Rautha’s birthday sway in the breeze.

The footsteps of her heeled boots resound from the walls, announcing the arrival of an angry canary to visitors and palace staff. Only the visitors look up with alarm.

She is on her way to her chambers where she intends to sulk away the hours until the birthday banquet starts, which she is forced to attend, unlike the rest of the festivities which overtake the capital. For many Harkonnen, this is the only holiday of the year.

About halfway to her chambers, she hears Feyd-Rautha's raging footsteps. He had used up his grace in the arena, now he is only a fuming man with a sore in his heart.

The runaway concubine is as angry as she is relieved to hear the raging bull approaching. Her footsteps quicken. At least he is chasing her. It makes her heart soar.

With lifted skirts she breaks into a jog, chin held high. A smile of satisfaction would like to seize her mouth, but the nasty claws of jealousy still bereave her of such signs of mirth.

The windows in the concubines’ corridor are darkened by black cloths to shield them from the radiation of the alien sun. Artificial light spills from pointy wall lamps and color bleeds back into her skin, dress and hair. Color might not be the only thing that bleeds once Feyd-Rautha catches up with her.

She makes it into her chambers before he does. The door is no obstacle to him, but at least he will be in her little domain during the confrontation.

The tail of her colorful dress taunts him as she slips into her chambers and slams the door like a child.

She could have fucking joined him during the ritual washing after the fight, where war paint, sweat and blood are traditionally washed off the na-Baron’s victorious body. The black concoction of water, blood, salts and oils stimulates healing and muscle relaxation.

Instead, he is chasing his own concubine through the palace, sweat and war paint gluing his shirt to his torso. Only the light polymer chest piece of armor lies discarded in the bath chamber.

Like a boy he had hoped she might be playing an elaborate little game with him, that her behavior during the fight only served the purpose of egging him on, so he would put on a more gruesome show and she could reward him in the bath chambers after. He had waited for five minutes, then killed the slave girl who had asked him if they shall begin the washing.

Insidious eyes like little coals in his sclera glisten wildly when he slams his palm against the panel that opens her door. In he goes and finds her waiting for him, chin held high, a haughty look in her eyes and a tremor to her lip.

“You’ve ruined my birthday!”

“Oh, have I? Well my day wasn't exactly pleasing either.” She pretends not to care as his spit sprinkles her face and hands stained from murder clutch her upper arms and walk her back against the wall..

Feyd-Rautha's musk smells of sweat, blood and dust and his eyes are darkened with thunder.

“Care to explain what was so interesting while I was fighting in the area?! Did my performance bore you?”

“Even your uncle was more caring than you. He assumed I might have a migraine.”

“But you didn’t.” Feyd knows the black sun doesn’t affect her all that much anymore.

“You had the attention of hundreds of thousands of men and women. Today is all about Feyd-Rautha.” She scornfully mimics the booming battle-chanting that still haunts her bones. “Surely you can go without the undivided attention of one of your numerous concubines.” Her head jerks to the side, facing the half-hung window through which white sunlight filters inside.

Feyd snarls and his mouth suddenly twitches with humor. “Does their presence intimidate you?” She decides not to reply to that and his thumb brushes over her chin as he leans down. “How so? Obviously I need them all to sate my appetite. Someone didn't even manage to attend my washing.”

“I despise you, Feyd-Rautha!” She slams her palms against his chest. “Go bathe. You stink like a mutt who's rolled in piss.”

“At least look at me now!” Feyd roars, smugness consumed by the rage that kindles so darkly in his chest. “Look me in the eyes when you tell me you hate me!”

One pale hand cups her jaws, thumb and middle finger digging into her soft cheeks on either side, pushing between the rows of teeth, so her lips pucker and her mouth opens. Feyd-Rautha leans down and his plush mouth ungently connects to hers, taking a fragment of what he thinks he deserves on his Birthday. Her mouth tastes bitter and his tastes like blood.

Huffing, she endures, eyes raised to Feyd's while he assaults her mouth. Her breath is quick, her heartbeat quicker and the heat in her abdomen wetly coats her walls that are conditioned to react to Feyd-Rautha's violent love. Her cheeks hurt but her tongue meets his willingly, even when he punishes her with cruel, black teeth.

Her fingers twist into his sweat-damp shirt, tearing on the fabric as if she means to rip it to shreds and stuff her pillow with it. Painted fingernails dig into the only injury she knows he had sustained during the fight, a small cut on his abdomen, hidden by the shirt.

“So you did watch…” Feyd's raspy breath caresses her mouth and the thread of saliva that connects them trembles in the draft of his breath.

“Occasionally.” She wills her voice to be calm and lets her fingers slip under the shirt and trail over the taut, damp flesh until she finds the tender cut. Mercilessly, she digs inside, collecting gore under her nail.

“A-Ah~” Feyd's posture briefly falters, knees trembling as he leans into the cathartic pain.

“You sustained that one when you were getting reckless near the end. You kept staring up at us, like an idiot.”

“I was looking at you, cunt!” He spits and the sliver of weakness is gone. The loveless nickname leaves her unfazed but his evil mouth doesn't as he kisses her roughly. His death-stained hands don't either as they roam around her body, searching for a gap in her dress so he can access her flesh and taint her with his rot.

The hard outline of his cock presses against her stomach and she is almost tempted to give in, free him from his trousers, sink on her knees in submission and take him down her throat, then later into her cunt. It's his birthday after all and she craves his violent hands.

“Get on the bed,” Feyd rasps.

“Go fuck yourself.”

Rage clouds his eyes and she knows he’s going to try and slap her across the cheek. The gust of air hits her skin, but his hand does not. She had dodged him just in time - A feat she wouldn’t have been remotely capable of when she first met him.

Feyd stares perplexed and then he laughs, that boyish note that makes her hair stand on end. He withdraws and rubs one hand over his scalp, pacing around her chamber. She knows he's thinking of all the ways he can pluck her limbs and pop her eyeballs.

He becomes violent when he’s helpless. Really, she doesn’t mind it. She’d rather have him take it out on her than anyone else, and that desire is wholly and completely selfish.

“I should take my reward from one of the others then.”

She stiffens and her chest is so tight, she can taste the bile in her throat. Feyd knows many forms of violence but chose the one that would cut the most lethally into her flesh.

Grinning widely, he stalks closer. “Say what you have in mind. You want a gift on my birthday, isn't that right?”

For most others, Feyd-Rautha's sole attention, being his only one, couldn't be further from a gift, but yes, it's exactly what she wants. But she isn't going to beg for it like a starving dog for scraps.

“That's what it would be to you? A gift from you to me?” She thinks she has never been so insulted. “That gift is a pittance then.”

“So, you don't want it?” His breath tickles her cheek and a ray of sunlight washes over his skull, making it black and white.

Feyd knows he could force her on her knees and reap his pleasure and hers, or pain which is essentially the same, but breaking her body and spirit won’t give him what he desires, at least not anymore. 

“I want respect,” she coldly hisses. For what we have.

“Then respect me. Attend the banquet. Dance with me.” His nose brushes against the side of her cheek, then his tongue slides out and curls around the edge of her jaws.

“Of course, na-Baron,” she snaps and Feyd withdraws, wearing a smug midnight-smile. His lithe figure retreats and slips out into the corridor, probably to finally go bathe and wash the stink off his skin.

Only if Feyd-Rautha willingly drops on his knees for her will she ever dance with him.

A/N: Chapter 2 following sooooon!

TAG LIST:

@nostalgichoya, @forgedfromthestars, @sweetiee-o, @missbingu, @charmingballoon,

@sebastianswallows, @minedofmoria, @flower-frog, @welliah, @coastalcowgirl35,

@aoi-targaryen

(If any of you only wanted to be tagged for Relic and not for Feyd works in general, please let me know, and I'm sorry to bother!!! 🫶)

[hijinxed]

Jacob Wysocki appreciation incoming

I absolutely love how he plays Dang as Greg Stocks. He feels like the most real, fleshed out character this season for me. Which is crazy because he makes some of the most INSANE moves this season, but they also make sense in this intense, ridiculous world where everything is an extreme. There’s no shades of grey in this world. Just black, white, and red. Farting to make everyone fall asleep. Taking his jet to space. Calling all the LA punks to raid an FBI building. The call to arms and for revolution when addressing said punks being “No survivors but the homies” is AMAZING. And all of those things coming from the same person who has been weaving this narrative about executive dysfunction, terrible self esteem, and the power of just doing things one step at a time. Fantastic. Amazing. He started this season as a newcomer to d20 and he’s immediately become such a presence. It’s absolutely fantastic to watch.

Jacob Wysocki the man that you are!!!!

[theres-a-body-here]

Got No Human Grace

Mohg x Male!reader

A/N: My beautiful, scrumptious, pookie bear beat the mohglester allegations. Me and my homies all hate MIquella the Tiquella.

As Mohg clung to you, his large frame shook, bearing numerous wounds and smeared in blood. His once regal garments were now tattered rags, and two of his horns laid broken beside him.

Despite this, there was a calm silence around you both, interrupted only by Mohg's muffled sobs and heavy breaths.

"I… I feared you wouldn't come…" His muffled voice shook, lips quivering as he pressed into your chest, clutching onto you fiercely.

His mind is his own again.

"Shh, it's alright now." You murmured, wrapping your arms protectively around him. Your fingers gently caressed his back in a calming rhythm. "You're safe now."

As you spoke, you could feel Mohg's breathing slowly return to normal against your chest. However, upon hearing the crunch of debris nearby, you lifted your head to look at the person who had helped make this reunion possible.

A heavily armored Tarnished stood before you, her weapon sheathed and her armor battle worn. She gazed down upon the scene indifferently, seemingly unfazed by the display of affection between you and Mohg.

"Thank you, truly… It won't be forgotten." You assured her sincerely, eyes glancing warmly towards her before returning to look down upon Mohg's fragile form cradled within your arms.

However, it seemed that perhaps requesting privacy might be too much to ask for.

The armor-clad Tarnished remained standing before you, staring at the two of you

It can be helped, it seems.

With a gentle motion, you pulled away from holding Mohg close momentarily and reached into your pocket. After rummaging through it for a few seconds, you produced a small flesh trinket in the jagged, vague image of femininity.

You held it delicately between your thumb and index finger, presenting it openly toward the Tarnished.

"Here, consider this a token of gratitude for your assistance today," you offered politely.

As you handed the trinket over to the warrior, Mohg's grip on you tightened slightly but made no attempt to move or react otherwise.

Septic Womb

"My Dearest, I'll find a way to grant you your wish. The Mohgwyn Dynasty shall have its heir"

An idol used in fertility rites of the Formless Mother.

Restores HP when blood loss occurs in the vicinity.

The Tarnished woman took the fleshy charm without a word of thanks, examining it briefly before slipping it away inside her armor.

She continued observing you silently for a while before casting her gaze over to where he lay dormant within his cocoon.

"Listen closely," You cautioned with urgency in your voice, grasping tightly onto Mohg as if to shield him from the very mention of Miquella's name. 

"I seek no vengeance, nor do I wish to pursue further conflict. I beg of you...leave Miquella untouched!" There was desperation lacing each word as they rolled off your tongue, pleading.

Your warning fell on deaf ears as the warrior paid no attention to your pleas, remaining silent and fixated on the distant figure sealed within the fuzzy cocoon.

An exasperated sigh left your lips as realization settled in; her intentions were never about granting aid or salvation. They were merely self-serving, exploiting opportunities to become Elden Lord.

She was a Tarnished, after all.

You watched as the warrior began to approach the distant cocoon containing the Demigod which seemed to draw her here like a moth to light.

If she wanted to play games involving divinity, that was her choice, however misguided. Right now, though, you had more pressing matters to deal with.

Mohg hadn't moved an inch since nestling against your chest, soft sobs still escaping him periodically.

"Hush now," you whispered gently, cradling his massive head between your hands as you tilted it upward towards yours. Your thumbs brushed at the damp fur from underneath his eyes while your palms rested on each side of his face.

Leaning forward, you kissed his forehead gently, then proceeded to pepper sweet kisses all over his face, even pressing a particularly long peck to the horn in his left eye.

A soft whimper escaped him, hungry for more contact as he nuzzled deeper into your embrace.

With his large hands, he kneaded at your body, leaving no doubt about what he wanted. What he missed.

He released a throaty groan as soon as your lips met his in a kiss, his mouth opening slightly as his hot breath mingled with yours.

His large hands drifted beneath your robe, blazing trails of hot fire across your skin as they traveled upwards, heat blooming throughout your entire body.

As he pulled away from your lips, Mohg looked up at you, a wicked smile spreading across his face as he tugged you closer until your bodies melded together.

He rocked his hips into yours, grinding firmly against you to let you know that he was hard as steel.

"We have much to catch up on…" He practically purred at you, squeezing your waist possessively, prompting a lustful groan to escape your mouth involuntarily.

Your brain short-circuited from the sensation, causing you to let out a meek response.

"W-we do…"

[eightdoctor]

my eda recs :) for anyone interested in getting into this series

i am prefacing this post with the note that i am an avid completionist and generally dislike telling people to skip certain books unless it's a john peel novel or placebo effect. however i understand telling people to read 74 novels is not at all accessible and i need you all to read. these books. please. please

this post is going to be long as shit i know it so i'm putting it ↓ here. books that can be skipped because theyre a bit shit will be colored red, ones that you Can Skip but are good/have some important character or plot bits in will be orange, and ones that are sooo good and necessary and the best books ever will be green. unfortunately i think a lot of the ones colored orange should be colored green but i know restraint. i can stay my hand. kind of

also i should say that i primarily read these for the characters - the plots themselves come second. so lots of my opinions come from the standpoint of which books have good characterizations. basically some of the ones that i color green would probably be skippable if any normal person were reading them but i'm insane!! and this is my list so fuck you!!!

The Eight Doctors by Terrance Dicks: ah my color trichotomy has bitten me in the ass on the first book. because truth be told i still haven't finished this one (nor have i really felt the need to yet), yet it introduces the first companion in the series, sam jones, and contains some other entertaining parts like the doctor getting caught with cocaine. as far as introductory books go it's meh

Vampire Science by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: this book. i truly can't sing my praises any louder than i already have. orman & blum took the character of the eighth doctor as portrayed by paul mcgann in a few measly minutes of screen time into a fully fleshed out, compelling and complex character. if you're a fan of the eighth doctor but aren't interested in reading all of the EDAs you have to read this one at the Very Least. it begins, as all good stories do, in a gay bar. it features vampire squirrels, the doctor with kittens, and the doctor infodumping on the beauty of science in a speech? conversation? that still touches me to this day, four years after i first read it.

The Bodysnatchers by Mark Morris: this book is Gross, and i mean that positively. mark morris held nothing back when describing how disgusting and putrid london was in the 1800s (he's primarily a horror writer, and that comes through rather clearly in this book). i genuinely enjoyed this novel a lot, but i know it's not for everyone because again, it's quite gory and disgusting

Genocide by Paul Leonard: don't you just want to see the doctor in a sun hat? being tortured for weeks on end? don't you want to examine his morality in termsof what species he thinks needs to be saved or doomed? jo grant is there

War of the Daleks by John Peel: fuck john peel all my homies hate john peel. for some reason all his books in this range contain daleks and it’s like…why. get some creativity. everyone else did. bitch

Alien Bodies by Lawrence Miles: this novel is So Good. it introduces faction paradox, the war in heaven plotline, humanoid tardises, and a couple of the most interesting & fun side characters in the whole range (homunculette and marieeee <3 cousin justineeee… aaaaaaahh). I shan’t spoil the entire conceit of the story but just know it’s. insane and fucked up and so so funny

Kursaal by Peter Anghelides: this is just a solid doctor who story, really. i wouldn’t call it imperative to the overarching plot of the novels (as tenuous as it is early on), but it’s an enjoyable enough read. it’s about an ancient race of alien werewolves underneath a theme park. what more can i say

Option Lock by Justin Richards: i recall enjoying the doctor and sam’s characterization in this one, and the story is like doctor strangelove meets, well, doctor who. it’s skippable, but i had fun reading it, and that’s really all you can ask for

Longest Day by Michael Collier: this is the start of the arc where sam gets separated from the doctor. actually the most tense and stressed i’ve been reading the edas was reading this and the next three books. it’s so dire, but it’s so so good, with incredible character moments from sam and the doctor. plus you have anstaar, nashaad with his metal legs, and some really fucked up body horror involving Time messing with people’s existences and driving ppl mad and stuff. people tend to either love this one or hate it from what i’ve seen, and i’m solidly in the former category. would definitely recommend 

Legacy of the Daleks by John Peel: ughhhhhhhh… ughhhhjhhhhhh i guess you have to read this one. i guess you have to. it’s definitely an improvement on his last book but still. daleks again john? really? whateverrrrr.. some important stuff happens to susan is in this one though. and the master as well. so if you care about either of those characters you should read this i suppose

Dreamstone Moon by Paul Leonard: a general rule of the edas is paul leonard always writes excellent books (in my opinion, anyway), and this is not the exception. sam and the doctor are still separated, but they’re in the same place and keep missing each other and its like UGGHHHH!!! UGHHH!!! but you have interesting commentary on capitalism’s exploitation and effective revolutionary action and all that stuff. also aloisse is an incredible character and i love her

Seeing I by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LIRD!!!!!!!!!!! kate and jon do it again, those crazy bastards. you know how every author loves torturing the shit out of eight? these guys take that and run with it in the opposite direction, asking the question what if the worst thing the doctor could go through isn’t agonizing torture, but rather just a lack of enrichment in his enclosure? what if he had to stay locked up in one building for three years and couldn’t escape for the life of him? meanwhile sam, now a refugee with no social support (as she technically shouldn’t exist in this time and location), has to deal with homelessness, and has to decide whether it’s better to have a stable, yet soulless corporate job - or do something that’s meaningful and benefits society. she’s at her best in this book for sure

Placebo Effect by Gary Russell: throws up. don’t read this because it is actually rhe worst book in the whole range and i’m not joking. sorry gary you’re a nice guy but i thought the arguments against evolution that went on for like 3 pages were extremely egregious and also plain wrong. you may look at this book and think “oh cool! Stacy and ssard from the comics are in this one!” well they’re there for like a paragraph and don’t do shit. so

Vanderdeken's Children by Christopher Bulis: really fun novel that’s pretty much the epitome of the classic doctor who question “wouldn’t that be really fucked up and crazy?” it also established the fact that the doctor told sam his real name which is really fun and awesome

The Scarlet Empress by Paul Magrs: much like paul leonard, paul magrs Never disappoints. this book is just so fucking fun. in essence, it’s a road trip story. they drive across a planet listening to abba and visiting lots of kooky places and picking up lots of wacky characters. it also deconstructs gender and self-identity and what it means to be an individual. a cyborg and a giant spider get lesbian married. aewsome 👍

The Janus Conjunction by Trevor Baxendale: i really debated on making this one skippable, i did. because while it doesn’t continue any of the established plots or themes or whatever, it does show the doctor breaking the laws of time to save his companion’s life, and that’s really cool we love that. there’s a lot of fun body horror too if you go for that sort of thing. and more giant spiders but these ones are different 

Beltempest by Jim Mortimore: ok honestly? i didn’t vibe with this one. i know some people really liked it but i felt as if the characterization was Off. some wacky wild stuff happens to sam though

The Face-Eater by Simon Messingham: <-doesn’t remember much of this one cuz i was high while reading it. i think it was a solid story though? 

The Taint by Michael Collier: yayyyyyyyy fitz is hereeeee my babyboy… lots of people don’t vibe with this one but i do. because i love fitz and everything he’s in and him and the doctor are such bastards to each other in the beginning it’s great. their repartee is genuinely so entertaining and really elevates the book for me, even if the plot itself is a bit mediocre. either way even if you don’t like it you have to read it because it introduces fitz. so there

Demontage by Justin Richards: telling you to skip this one would be a disservice. because technically it Is skippable, but it has some absolutely hilarious moments that really drive home the fact that fitz is Cringe. they’re on a space casino called vega in the far future and fitz dresses in a (from everyone else's perspective) old-fashioned tuxedo. he smokes indoors and everyone gives him nasty looks because he’s in the future and no one smokes inside. he asks for his cocktails shaken not stirred and the bartender fucking hates him. and he also accidentally gets involved in an assassination plot. but i suppose if you must skip it then go ahead… 

Revolution Man by Paul Leonard: mr leonard does it again. this is an excellent novel for both companions that begins with sam and the doctor engaging in leftist discourse with an anarchist and ends with the world almost ending. it happens.

Dominion by Nick Walters: you have to read this one just for the doctor’s first gay kiss. sorry i don’t make the rules. also it  just features a neat concept imo and has a great moment where the doctor punches a pillow in frustration and then sadly apologizes to it

Unnatural History by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: this book is one that i think every doctor who fan who’s ever gotten mad about canon not making sense should be forced at gunpoint to read. it’s a novel that’s essentially one big metacommentary on doctor who canon & why it Doesn’t Matter At All, Actually; the doctor was birthed and he was loomed and both are equally true and untrue. also features the iconic paragraph calling the doctor a (verbatim) “backrub slut”, as well as wrapping up the ongoing arc with sam jones hinted at in alien bodies and a few other books in a way that’ll have you side eyeing moffat very suspiciously

Autumn Mist by David A. McIntee: this one’s pretty good and has a couple great moments (fitz calling himself james bond, for one), but is, i think, ultimately skippable unless youre a world war 2 buff

Interference Books 1 & 2 by Lawrence Miles: nothing i can say will adequately put into words what these two novels made me feel, you hear me? absolutely nothing. good fucking god. jesus christ. holy fuck.. if i sat here listsing all the important and iconic moments in these books we’d be here all shitting day and this post is already obscenely long. read these 2 books. then read them again. 

The Blue Angel by Paul Magrs: ok i know i just said this but HOOOOOO..WHOA NELLY! the blue angel is easily in my top 5 edas. it literally heavily features a canon domestic au wherein the doctor is a “middle-aged gay man”. fitz says he wants to get laid by the doctor. the doctor’s mother is a mermaid. there’s off-brand spirk. someone turns into a giant squid. literally this book is so good they wrote a screenplay adaptation of it and a spinoff short story that you should also read

The Taking of Planet 5 by Simon Bucher-Jones and Mark Clapham: you’re going to be hearing this a lot from me but we Are entering the part of the series where it really takes off and gets sooo fucking good. anyway this novel is sooo fucking good and quite important to the plot and establishes stuff about the war in heaven and gallifrey so. read it. also there's ELDRITCH BEASTS!

Frontier Worlds by Peter Anghelides: i can’t tell you to skip this one because it’s so good. fitz goes by the alias frank sinatra & also talks like him for a solid portion of the book. we get excellent compassion moments. great doctor moments (including that Hot and Sexy dream he has about the tardis!) and all in all it’s a wonderful story

Parallel 59 by Stephen Cole and Natalie Dallaire: lots of stuff happens in this one, especially to fitz. by that i mean it gets referenced quite a bit later so i would recommend if you want to catch all the references. also a woman worked on this one so you already know eight is going to be written phenomenally and very sensually. 

The Shadows of Avalon by Paul Cornell: rather important development happens to compassion in this book (understatement). but it’s also a really good story in general with lots of memorable bits - paul cornell wrote one EDA and did a great job and then vanished from the range. it also has the BRIGADIER and his ROMANCE with MAB the BIG BOSOMED CELTIC QUEEN so like.. read it?? 

The Fall of Yquatine by Nick Walters: a pretty important thing happens to compassion in this one too (another understatement). also withnail & i references galore, fitz has a bad time (has he had a Good time for the past few books? questionable!), and the doctor spends time with a gay baker/contraband parts dealer

Coldheart by Trevor Baxendale: you could skip this one but why would you even want to? it’s literally one of compassion’s best stories and has plenty of excellent doctor and companion moments. it’s just fun and engaging and an outstanding doctor who story. and, as always, fitz is effortlessly cringe as ever <3

The Space Age by Steve Lyons: this one’s just boring and kinda stupid. nothing big or important happens and you can tell steve lyons didn’t care for writing compassion at all. skip it

The Banquo Legacy by Andy Lane and Justin Richards: Big Plot Developments in this one - mostly in the beginning and end. also the only (?) mention of irving braxiatel in the whole run! it’s written from the POV of two Normal people not on the tardis so it’s interesting to see how they perceive the doctor and fitz, and how this contradicts the way they define themselves in other books where we’re privy to their internal monologue 

The Ancestor Cell by Peter Anghelides and Stephen Cole: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAGHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU HFHOA8U8OIA AOUIY4P98 YT39 7UGHYIB3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this one drives me insane and there are parts of it i reread nearly every day. because i’m CRAZY. it’s a controversial novel in the doctor who fandom because of how it handles gallifrey and faction paradox lore but WHO FUCKING CARES? FATHER KREINER IS BACK BABY

The Burning by Justin Richards: this is the start of the Earth Arc, so it’s the first portrayal of the doctor stuck on earth without any of his memories. it’s a bit slow at the beginning, and as a normal doctor who story i would consider it subpar, but the characterization of the doctor really carries it i think. you see how losing his memory impacted his restraint with things such as hypnosis and Other Stuff I Shan’t Spoil

Casualties of War by Steve Emmerson: this has the first appearance of the Note, so it’s especially important for that reason. but it’s also just a neat story that has way more elements of a fantasy than a sci fi and again, seeing how the doctor acts now, stuck on earth without his memories, and juxtaposing that with how he acted before, super fun and neat

The Turing Test by Paul Leonard: if i could graft this book onto my DNA i would. i already KNEW the circumstances surrounding alan turing’s death and yet i still cried about it while reading this!! paul leonard’s portrayal of turing as both a gay and autistic man (though the latter is never explicitly stated) is INCREDIBLE and i really can’t recommend it enough just based on that. but the story itself is amazing and really delves into the doctor’s Differences and his desperation to leave earth after being stuck there for decades. 

Endgame by Terrance Dicks: people really like this one and i guess i had fun with it but i just can’t really get into terrence dicks’ writing style. that being said it features the doctor listless and just so sad and depressed so you kind of have to read it. if that’s not reason enough there’s a fat gay alcoholic spy who absolutely rocks

Father Time by Lance Parkin: i hate that this is green. i hate it. i hate this fucking book. i hate lance parkin also. but this is where miranda (the doctor’s adopted daughter) is introduced so alas, you must read it and imagine a version of this book thats infinitely better in your head. sorry! 

Escape Velocity by Colin Brake: this one’s mid but it’s the end of the earth arc and fitz and the doctor reunite and ANJI KAPOOR IS HERE!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!! so if you read this and get a lil bored just know it’s about to get so fucking good you guys

EarthWorld by Jacqueline Rayner: genuinely can’t say enough good things about this one. it’s funny. it’s angsty. it’s all in all just a really fun book. and it’s the shortest one i think so like you have no excuse to not read it

Fear Itself by Nick Wallace: this is technically a PDA because it was written after nine was announced, thereby making 8 technically a “past doctor”, but who give a shit. read this one are yoyu kidding me. read it read it read it read it READ IT. there’s a twist in it that rendered me absolutely catatonic for about a week 

Vanishing Point by Stephen Cole: don’t skip this one even though it’s orange. are you listening to me? don’t fucking skip it ok!!! steve cole is the #1 fitz/eight shipper and this really shines through here. also maybe i’m just easily entertained by reasonably accurate science in my doctor who books but i liked all the genetics references

Eater of Wasps by Trevor Baxendale: trevor you sly dog you did it again. you mad bastard. not only is the storyline in this one soo gripping and also Quite horrifying but the characterization?? hoooooo boy. this is the book where “you really love him, don’t you?” “well, i like to think we’re just good friends.” comes from and so even if it was dogshit you’d have to read it just for that like cmon

The Year of Intelligent Tigers by Kate Orman: holy. fucking. shit. good grief. the doctor has a boyfriend and they go on picnics and drink chocolate martinis together. the doctor becomes a catboy for a few months. this story takes place on a colony world whose culture is predominantly centered around music, so you have the doctor playing his violin (hot). you have scientifically accurate zoology/xenobiology. you have a Mysterious lost civilization. most importantly you have fitz’s song he wrote for the doctor

The Slow Empire by Dave Stone: this one’s just FUNNY okay. dave stone has such a characteristic way of writing prose it’s just kind of a joy to read. if you get the hard copy all of the bits from a side character’s pov is written in comic sans. while some of the characterization is a bit meh and anji didn’t Really live up to her full potential in a couple scenes i’d still recommend it. there’s footnotes

Dark Progeny by Steve Emmerson: this is another one i colored orange even though i whole-heartedly recommend it.. it’s a commentary on corporate apathy and greed and how it destroys entire planets and just a really engaging story besides. not to mention we get a “fitz fitz fitz fitz fitz!” bit from 8 <3

The City of the Dead by Lloyd Rose: i can’t even talk about this oine lest i lose my mind… not joking when i say lloyd rose writes some of the best and juiciest angst in the whole series like some of the scenes in there made me feel like i was being helplessly entrapped in flowing grain for a month

Grimm Reality by Simon Bucher-Jones and Kelly Hale: i really do sound like a broken record at this point but this is another one of those books i could never say enough positive things about. there are two novels in this series that genre-hop and this is one of them. the tardis lands on a world where everything runs on logic straight out of the brother’s grimm (hence the title). there’s magic cloaks and evil stepsisters and giants, and the doctor, fitz, and anji all have their own separate adventures so it’s super interesting to see how each character deals with being in a fairytale. not only that but there are parts of the book written in the style of those old fairytales and i really do get a good kick out of  gimmicky stuff like that 

The Adventuress of Henrietta Street by Lawrence Miles: buckle the fuck up everyone and get out your highlighters and sticky notes because this one is so fucking dense you’ll have no choice but to annotate and take notes, sorry! it’s written in the style of a historical nonfiction which occasionally falls flat (where’s the fucking works cited, lawrence???), but the story is fucking crazy. you got arcane rituals, prostitutes doing sex magic that summon great apes, sabbath is here, the doctor is weak and sickly (always awesome), sabbath is here, the doctor gets married so he can save the earth, sabbath is here,

Mad Dogs and Englishmen by Paul Leonard: this is the petplay book featuring multicolored poodles that have human hands. need i say more? 

Hope by Mark Clapham: not the best book but it’s got some pretty crucial anji moments in, and we all love love love anji so much so we’ll read mediocre novels just for her!! (but we also see the doctor struggle with only having one heart so that’s fun too)

Anachrophobia by Jonathan Morris: literally my top 3 book in the series EASY. it takes place on a planet ravaged by a time war (as in a war that fights with weapons that fuck with time. not like That time war), yet despite that particular futuristic conceit the entire atmosphere of the book feels like something out of the 40s or 50s  - almost like the aesthetics of fallout, but instead of nuclear radiation it’s Time. most of the story takes place in this sealed off bunker that’s doing experiments to try and develop time travel, and while they’re successful in going back in time the guinea pigs who volunteered for the trial develop an illness that fucks up their personal timelines so bad they literally turn into clock zombies. and it’s contagious. but no one can leave because theres fucked up time outside uh oh!!! if you liked the themes of war profiteering from boom in the new season you’ll LOVE this book

Trading Futures by Lance Parkin: fuck you lance parkin i can’t stand your ass! you can’t fucking write for shit!!! i’d recommend this book if you want to see anji referred to as ‘the asian woman’ more than her actual name :) and a southeast asian character with a name that might as well have been taken right out of a book written by  jk rowling. really the only good part of this book is when anji almost calls the doctor an otter-fucker

The Book of the Still by Paul Ebbs: this book is a WILD fucking ride. this book is fucking insane in the most positive of ways. paul ebbs writes an absolutely top tier eight that manages to encapsulate all the development he went through in the series as well as evoking the characterization from the 1996 movie

The Crooked World by Steve Lyons: this is the second book that does a genre-swap, but instead of fairytales this time the tardis lands on a planet dominated by saturday morning cartoon physics and logic. but the doctor & co being there begins to introduce Real Life concepts such as death and sex and swearing, so all these wacky cartoon characters who’ve spent their whole lives doing wacky cartoon things like blowing each other up with sticks of dynamite or hitting each other with big hammers suddenly find that these actions actually have very very serious consequences, which really kicks off when this story’s equivalent of tom rips off this story’s equivalent of jerry’s head, killing him instantly. idk i just watched a lot of saturday morning cartoons as a kid so seeing the parodies of wacky races and scooby doo was very enjoyable. to me

History 101 by Mags L Halliday: to put it simply this book is about leftist infighting. to put it more complexly this book is about the spanish civil war and how differing opinions and principles can alter one’s perception of history - and what happens when history actually starts being changed in accordance to these differing principles. there’s also the subplot featuring fitz’s homoerotic, yet very traumatizing, travels with a guy named sasha as they journey to guernica so they can watch it be bombed

Camera Obscura by Lloyd Rose: this is where sabbath and the doctor’s relationship really reaches it’s peak. this is The Esteemed Toxic Old Man Yaoi Novel. but also remember when i said lloyd rose writes the best angst? this holds especially true here. i won’t spoil it for you but Something Crazy Happens to the Doctor! haha. haha

Time Zero by Justine Richards: this is just quantum physics: the novel. while fitz goes on his doomed siberia expedition with the geologist boytoy george in the 19th century, the doctor investigates some strange readings in siberia like a hundred years later, and some crazy confusing hijinks ensue! the events in this book kick off the arc that’ll continue for the next few books until sometime never where the multiverse is collapsing and the doctor has to fix it. even though he doesn’t know how. ALSO TRIX INTRODUCTIONNNNNN!!!!!!!!

The Infinity Race by Simon Messingham: this one’s whatever. the sabbath characterization is wack but there are a few good moments. you think it’s going to be mostly about a cool boat race but sadly that comes secondary -_-

The Domino Effect by David Bishop: this book is ASS, both plot-wise and characterization-wise. it also just seems like the author was trying to be needlessly edgy when he developed the setting, and there are just some baffling moments where characters say and do things i frankly think they would never say 

Reckless Engineering by Nick Walters: the events in this one center around a tragedy that is fucking batshit insane. the universe this takes place in features a post-apocalyptic earth. i shan’t say what this apocalypse was because finding out what happened is all apart of the fun guys. i can’t spoil everything for you

The Last Resort by Paul Leonard: what if a corporation discovered TIME TRAVEL and set up RESORTS all across human history? what if there was a mcdonalds in ancient egypt and advertisements for microsoft in the original version of the bible? also what if something just soooo fucked up happens so many times <3

Timeless by Stephen Cole: anji’s last book. sobs.

Emotional Chemistry by Simon A. Forward: idk what it was but i just didn’t really vibe with this one. it’s not awful by any means and there’s a bit of plot carried in from the last novel that continues into the next but the actions that surround it don’t really matter i think. honestly i’d just read a summary of this one and continue on 

Sometime Never... by Justin Richards: the culmination of the multiverse stuff. i liked it - miranda makes a reappearance, and the fact she’s written by someone other than lance parkin is already a plus. my only qualm is i don’t really like how it handled sabbath but that’s sort of how i felt about all the books post camera obscura… sigh

Halflife by Mark Michalowski: ANOTHER EASY TOP 3. i’m simply obsessed with all of the concepts and tropes in this book, not to mention it’s where fitz’s infamous Ass Dream can be found. there’s commentary on racism, colonialism, and religion, and it also features cannibalism as a metaphor for love :D

The Tomorrow Windows by Jonathan Morris: another case of me coloring a book orange even though i think you should read it anyway. it’s positively saturated with so many interesting alien planets and creatures and societies you’d be missing out if you didn’t read this one tbh. it’s also the first novel ever to feature the ninth doctor!

The Sleep of Reason by Martin Day: this one ok. it’s another book written from the pov of an outsider and her insights into the doctor, fitz, and trix are interesting (and their characterization when they show up is outstanding!) but it feels like they’re rarely in it & this close to the end of the series i just want to see more of my guys you know...

The Deadstone Memorial by Trevor Baxendale: i loved the atmosphere in this one. it’s more of a ghost story with sci fi elements, and the stakes involved aren’t Bigger Than Ever like they tend to be nowadays, but instead surround the wellbeing of a family of a single mom and her two kids which i appreciate - the doctor isn’t saving the Whole Universe and World; just a family from a small town; it’s effective in getting the point across that the doctor thinks everyone’s important and worth saving 

To the Slaughter by Stephen Cole: this one’s fun and goofy and steve cole wrote it solely so he could fix an error from a fourth doctor serial in which the doctor got the number of jupiter’s moons wrong. that being said the reason it’s not colored orange is because the last book of the series is written by lance parkin and i want to help you procrastinate reading his godawful prose for as long as possible. your welcome

The Gallifrey Chronicles by Lance Parkin: fuck you lance parkin

[crushedsweets]

OHHH MY GOD

Some NinaKate for Valentines Day! 💋🖤✨💀 (as requested by @3amclothesmonster , and mostly a love letter to @crushedsweets )

Taking requests in my asks! Drop your favorite Creepypasta pairings in the comments or my ask box and I might just draw them for you! ;) Happy Valentines Day!

[hauntedhowlett-writes]

Title: No Closer Could I Be To God

Pairing: Post-outbreak!Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary:

The closest he’s been to a god in these last few miserable years has been between your thighs.

Dear Reader:

This one is for the homies with religious trauma. If you enjoy this little fic, please comment or reblog! Title art is "Through Cataclysm" by Andreas Birath (b. 1974).

Warnings:

explicit sexual content (18+ MDNI), infidelity, no use of y/n, no reader description or age, single POV - Joel, post-outbreak Jackson, heavy religious themes and imagery, unprotected p in v, oral sex - f receiving, dirty talk, pet names, begging.

Joel Miller gave up on the notion of a benevolent god around the time the light faded from his daughter’s eyes and he was left to hold her lifeless body. Since then, he’s only seen glimpses of that former goodness in the world — in Tess and the way she fought tooth and nail for their survival and in Ellie, once she quit being such a pain in the ass.

But perhaps the closest he’s been to a god in these last few miserable years has been between your thighs.

“Joel!” You cry out, squirming beneath his tight grip. He’s got you laid out on the work bench, thighs hugging his head as he licks and sucks your clit until you’re singing his praises. The storage shed is hot, sweat gathering at his neck and beading at his temple and making his fingers slip against your damp skin.

“Shhh, baby,” he murmurs, dragging his mouth away from your center and licking his lips to gather every drop of you from his flesh. “You’re fuckin’ loud today.”

“Sorry,” you whisper, voice breathy as your chest heaves with desperate breaths. “It’s been too long.”

“I know,” Joel agrees, standing up and leaning forward to steal a kiss, your hot mouth opening immediately for his tongue to explore. You taste like shitty instant coffee and mint, his favorite flavor as long as you're the source. “‘M sorry.”

Your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, nails scratching against his scalp. He drags his lips across your jaw, down your neck, sinking his teeth briefly against your pulse point to make you shiver.

The modest dress you’re wearing is rucked up around your waist and Joel reaches down to slip his fingers past the elastic of your underwear, sinking two digits inside of you and groaning at how tight you are, how warm and wet you get for him. Your quiet whimper reaches his ears and he wishes he could hear you without restraint, wishes he knew how loud you could be. He’s fairly certain it’s as close to a choir of angels he could ever get.

Especially since he’s destined for hell. But that’s neither here nor there. Right now, he’s in heaven.

He removes his fingers, reaching up to slip them past your lips for a quick clean. Your tongue glides across his fingertips and your eyelids flutter shut as he uses his free hand to work his belt open with clumsy movements. He shoves his jeans and boxers down his hips, just enough to expose the hard length of his cock.

Joel pulls his hand away from your face, using his spit slick fingers to pump himself. With his other hand, he reaches into the chest pocket of his flannel shirt for his knife.

Your eyes go wide as he pops the blade open, slipping the cold steel beneath the elastic of your panties and tugging sharply. The fabric snaps, echoing your gasp, your mouth dropped open in surprise. He doesn’t give you long to recover, sliding his cock through your wet folds and smiling in satisfaction as your expression shifts from incredulity to pleasure.

“You ready?” Joel grunts, his tip catching at your entrance. You nod your head rapidly, but he’s in the mood to hear you beg. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Please, Joel,” you murmur. Your lashes glisten with captured tears and the sight makes his blood run hot. “Please, please, please!”

Joel presses forward, sinking into your body with ease. You have one hand on the workbench behind you to support yourself but the other grips his shoulder tightly, fingernails sure to leave little indents in his skin even through the fabric of his shirt.

“Christ,” he hisses, dropping his head into the crook of your neck. “Always feel so fuckin’ good. How is it always so fuckin’ good?”

“Need you to move,” you reply. “Please, Joel.”

And what is he if not your good and faithful servant?

Joel draws his hips back and thrusts sharply, lifting his head to watch your face as he does. This is his favorite part, staring into the Garden of Eden, enjoying his forbidden fruit. You whimper and moan, teeth digging into your bottom lip to keep quiet.

When he feels that knot of pleasure coiling tight in his belly, he curses and chases it all at once. It’s always over too soon when all he wants is to worship at your altar for eternity.

“Angel,” he murmurs, wrapping an arm around your low back as your own circle his shoulders. “Need you to come for me, baby.”

You whine, high and petulant. “No, no, no,” you chant, “Not yet.”

Joel leans forward to capture your lips with his, the action more of a sharing of breath that lacks any coordination of a proper kiss. He slips his hand between your bodies to circle your clit, the responding moan swallowed by his greedy mouth.

“Good thing you don’t make the rules,” he grunts, hips stuttering as you begin to squeeze around him. He may not inherit the kingdom of god, but he at least got a glimpse of heaven today.

Your legs drop from around his waist and he lifts his head to find your gaze. He always worries what he’ll see — disgust, guilt, and shame have all been reflected back at him before. But today…today you just smile softly, your skin damp with sweat and your lips swollen from his kisses and your teeth.

“Joel,” you murmur, pressing a palm to his cheek. “I have to go.”

Joel nods, knowing you’re right. He’s kept you long enough. Gray light filters through the dirt caked window of the little shed and you should get back to your home to get ready for Sunday service.

“I’ll see you around,” he replies, wrapping a hand behind your neck to pull you forward and give you one last hungry kiss before stepping away to right his pants. He holds a hand out to you to help you down from the work bench and watches as you fix your dress.

You give him one last watery smile before leaving through the flimsy wooden door. It slams back against the frame, the sound sharp to Joel’s ears. He sighs, counting to himself as he catalogs the spiderwebs and rusted tools in the shed.

There’s a flash of white in the corner of his eye. The mangled fabric of your panties sits discarded on the ground, and he leans forward to pick them up, pocketing them. For what, he’s not sure, but he’ll take any piece of you he can get.

Even if it’s just the part you’ve carelessly left behind.

________

Later, your husband stands at the dented podium to deliver his Sunday morning sermon to the good people of Jackson who still turn to religion for comfort and guidance. Joel isn’t one of those people, but he sits on a rough wooden bench across the aisle from you. Your panties are still tucked away in his pocket and he wonders if you’ve cleaned up already, or if you’re still full of him even as you sit there watching your husband.

“…And we see this spoken of in Proverbs 7:25 — ‘Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death’.”

Joel looks towards you as the words settle among the crowd. Your gaze remains steadfastly on your husband, but your hands move restlessly in your lap. When Joel looks up at the podium, he finds your husband’s righteous glare trained on him.

Maybe Joel was wrong. He hasn’t found heaven in you.

He’s just found a deeper hell.

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