#the first one had some anatomical mistakes
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
numy-numnum · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
Purah study again because I wasn't too happy with first one
46 notes · View notes
eden-writes-stuff · 2 months ago
Text
A/N: This is the ONLY TIME I'm going to write x reader content. I just wanted to see it done right once! Thank you and good bye.
tags: 18+, smut, threesome (m/m/f), dom Remus, wolfstar x reader (except wolfstar actually fuck in this), cum kink, loads of praising, edging, oral, anal, p in v, unprotected sex, double penetration. I also won't be held responsible for any anatomical mistakes in this one.
"He loves giving head so much," Remus groaned, happily grabbing onto Sirus' hair.
"Good for us, because he's fucking amazing at it," you grinned back, wraping your legs around Sirius' waist, pulling him deeper into you. Your mutual boyfriend whined around Remus' dick, grinding harder into you.
A moan escaped your lips before you could stop it. Sirius always got desperate. Every time. And every time you and Remus loved it. It was the perfect addition to his soft but dominant nature, and your submissive but cocky ways.
"Moon- Moony," you breathed, looking up to him. "Fuck him into me?" you sugested. Sirius moaned at the thought, letting his eyes fall shut.
"You like that, huh?" Remus smiled teasingly. "Do you want that?" Sirius nodded as much as he could in his position and halted his movements. Remus' own impatience was revealed as he pulled out of your boyfriend's mouth and quickly made his way behind him. 
Sirius kissed you greedily as Remus opened him up with his fingers. Eventually, he broke off to beg Remus for more. "Please, Moons, I'm ready. Please. Or I'll come right fucking now."
"You wouldn't dare," Remus grinned, softly kissing along his neck. "You're too much of a good boy."
"Such a good boy," you agreed, letting your fingers trail through his raven black hair while Remus pushed himself inside, shoving Sirius only deeper into you at the same time. All of you moaned in unison.
Remus didn't leave much time bevore he wrapped his arms around Sirius, grabbing onto yor hips and started fucking into the beautiful man between you. Sirius burried his face between your breasts, moaning and drawling over your skin, while sloppily moving between Remus' dick and your pussy.
You could feel all the focus it took Sirius not to come into you. "Please, Moony. Please, feels so-o good. She- she's so tight. And you're so b-big! Please let me come," he begged quietly before softly biting into your breast to silence a moan. Groaning, you let your fingers slide into his hair, trying to hold onto something.
Remus was the first to come that evening. His voice deepened into something animalistic while his hands dug deeper into your hips. He buried his teeth into Sirius' neck while spilling into him.
You loved them both and you knew they loved you as well but something inside you always grew just a little jealous when either of them got to take the other's cum while you stayed empty.
"Make her come for me," Remus ordered, pulling out of him and taking his place on the armchair next to your bed.
Sirius looked up hopefully "Do I get to-"
"Not yet. You know what you did, and you need to learn your lesson. Now make our beloved come. She deserves it." He gave you a fond look while lazily stroking along his cock.
Sirius whined, but obeyed. He had stolen some of Remus' chocolate a week before the full moon, and so the two of you had tortured him a little.
Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to obey the command if he kept going like this. He would inevitably come inside you. Your warmth always drove him crazy. Eventually, he flipped you both around, gently pulling out and guiding you toward his face.
You loved the feeling of his tongue. Always eager to draw those lovely moans from your throat. Your hips ground against his mouth, your hands gripped his silky black hair desperately. As always, you were careful to leave some air for him, but Sirius pulled you closer and closer onto him until you were sure he was only breathing you in.
Groaning, you let your head fall back, forcing your eyes to stay open and fixed on Remus, who was watching the two of you in utter bliss, hand moving steadily around his own cock.
He loved watching you two, and you loved being watched by him. The way his eyes trailed over every part of your body made you feel like the most desirable person in the entire world.
Remus watched closely as your moans got louder and your legs started shaking at the feeling of Sirius' cunning tongue inside of you. "'m gonna... fuck, gonna come," you muttered, eyes still on Remus, whose gentle strokes had turned into greedy thrusts into his own fist.
"Come for us. I want you to come all over his face," he ordered.
And who were you to disobey? You made a mess, coming into Sirius' mouth, who very gladly took it all.
Breathless, you relaxed, falling back onto Sirius' stomach. You only had to turn your head to see his painfully hard cock. Gently, you kissed along the whole length, making Sirius groan quietly.
"Can we let him come now? He's been such a good boy," you asked, looking up at Remus. Your boyfriend eyed Sirius suspiciously.
"Did you learn your lesson?" he asked calmly. Sirius nodded quickly.
"Promise. I promise I won't do it again," he insisted. Remus hesitated for a second before nodding and turning to you.
"You didn't get filled up yet, did you?"
"No, I didn't," you agreed, trying to look as innocently as possible.
"I'm sorry, baby. We'll make it up to you right now." He gently traced over your bottom lip before placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. A shiver ran down your back at the words. "Think you can take both of us?" he asked softly.
You hesitated but eventually nodded. The thought of it was way better than the fear of the pain. "I can take it," you whispered.
"Our perfect, good girl," Remus answered, pride swelling in his voice. The three of you had trained each other, watched the others grow more confident in their desires, becoming more and more comfortable around each other. Now, you had reached the point where you trusted each other with anything.
Gently, Remus guided you forward into Sirius' arms "We're gonna fill you up now. We're gonna fill you to the brim."
"Thank you, Moony. Thank you-" You were interrupted as Sirius pushed himself inside of you once again, pulling you closer.
Remus only gave you a few seconds to adjust before he fit himself between your legs. All three of you let out loud moans as Remus squeezed himself into you, stretching you almost completely.
Never before had you felt so completely full. It was heavenly.
"Fuck, you feel so fucking good. I love being inside," Remus whispered into your ear, kissing along your neck.
"Please, Moony, just start," Sirius whined beneath you, earning a chuckle from Remus. You were way too overwhelmed to speak.
"I love it when he gets so pathetic," Remus grinned before thrusting into you once, making you scream, tears leaking from your eyes. "Both of you," he added, stroking your back once before taking one of Sirius' hands and kissing it softly. "Keep up with me," he ordered, before starting to move.
It only took a few seconds until you were moaning from the top of your lungs, Remus' rough groans in your ear. Your hands gripped Sirius' shoulders, leaving scratch marks on the soft, light skin. You could feel both of them move in unsteady rhythms inside of you, doing their best not to hurt you while also pleasing you.
It was too much. Both of them at once... It was too much of everything, and you loved every single second of it.
Remus grabbed your hips to keep you steady while him and Sirius shoved their hips against yours; cursing and moaning while you squeezed their dicks some more with every little movement.
At some point, you completely blocked their noises out, only focusing on the feeling and the building orgasm.
Remus praised you soflty, working you through your second high, while Sirius was cursing, thrusts getting more and more sloppy with each of Remus' movements until he was just lying under you, holding you tight while your boyfriend fucked both your brains out.
You didn't need long before your legs started shaking violently from the overstimulation, and you were nothing more than a whimpering mess of tears.
Remus leaned past you to kiss Sirius. "We come together. Gonna fill her up so beautifully, gonna fuck our cum into her," he ordered softly. "She's gonna look so pretty with our cum." Only the thought made Remus moan a little louder and fuck into you a little harder.
You were a moaning, sweating mess when the boys both finally spilled their hot cum into you, making you lose it for the third time today.
Greedily, you took every last drop, sinking your head back against Remus' shoulder. He held you tight as his hips stuttered against you a few times before finally halting.
"You were so good, baby. Taking our cocks like that. You're perfect," he praised you quietly.
Sirius softly stroked over your leg, looking up at you with wonder in his eyes.
227 notes · View notes
berrywantsakiss · 5 months ago
Text
First Ever OCS redesign
★ Zandra Knight and Claudya Asghar ★
// light mentions of cannibalism below the reading break
Tumblr media
Zandra was my first EVER oc, I made her in 2016, when I was nine. She was initially meant to be a vampire, seeing as I had a crazy fixation on them, and I made Claudya in 2020 to go with her (I wasn't aware gay people even existed yet, so they were just besties.... who certainly had smth else going).
here's the full story of their development visually and as characters !!! ↓
here was Zandra's original design.
Tumblr media
she was such a Mary Sue ohhhhh myyyy goddddddd. I was hung up on "sexy goth vampire" subconsciously.
she (at the time) had the powers to manipulate plant growth — specifically roses, and was smth called a "Rose Vampire." her "heart" was a ruby in her chest, and the only way to kill her was by shattering it or ripping it out.
oh, bonus, Roses ate humans. not just drank their blood, ATE THEM.
here was her first full-blown redesign from 2020 ↓
Tumblr media
MUCH BETTERRRRRR
i mean it's a weird ass leather jumpsuit thing, but the VISIONNNNN IS THEREEEEEE.
this redesign came about after I watched Teen Titans Go! To the Movies and I liked how one of the Ravens looked anatomically. Plus, I was over her old design, I was getting older and her design was getting old. I remember staying up after my bedtime to draw this because I just couldn't sleep for thinking of it.
the following morning, Claudya's first visual design was born ↓
Tumblr media
Claudya existed in my storywriting prior to 2020, but I never drew her. She was often described (in my 9-10 year old words 😭) as having "white hair, blue eyes, and skin the color of peanut butter."
Claudya was what I called a "Cloud Vampire."
these were "vampires" who were vegetarian (dawg I knew nth of vampires) and loved living among humans. they all had white hair and weather powers that idr the extent of. they were sworn enemies of the Roses simply by birth and blood.
several other characters and species were born, but I never bothered to elaborate on them later.
Tumblr media
I also had a fixation on Pokemon at the time, so I made LOTS AND LOTS OF CARDS, much like this one of Zandra (obv this is a redesign, I'm too tired to get up and take a pic of the originals) ↓
Tumblr media
in 2021, I redesigned Zan to try and make her clothes make more sense, and I also drew Clauds, but I kept her design ↓
Tumblr media Tumblr media
ermmmm I don't remember much about them at this point actually lmaoooo
here was the concepts for the current redesigns ↓
Tumblr media
about 2 weeks after this drawing, I went INSANE over them. like could not sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think of anything else but revamping their stories and improving their characters.
smth I didn't mention before was that Claud and Zan came together when Zan tried to kill Claud, mistaking her for a human that she was going to eat. eventually Claud got over it (idek how... I never really cleared that up lmao), and they bonded over fighting these things called "Heartlesses." woo girl.
I kept the concept of these "Heartless" creatures, but instead combined then with some other species called "Invisiblites."
the whole "vampire" thing was scrapped, Claudya became an ordinary human, and Zandra ended up being some kind of other species called the Rose with some kind of supernatural powers (I haven't worked out the kinks yet). She hasn't gotten her powers yet because her father is human, not Rose She and her sister Kyrie are a part of a league called Thorn (SEE WHAT I DID THERE !!!!) dedicated to the protection of humans against these Invisiblites. The Rose were a human manifestation, created based on the longing for protection against the age-old apparitions of Invisiblites.
Invisiblites themselves take on the appearance of a beautiful woman, and must feed on young girls to survive. They can make themselves invisible — hence "invisiblite” — and often are just simple thieves outside of their grotesque ways of feeding. They are typically only active at night, when the nocturnal Rose rise and will set out to kill them.
The Rose must hide that they are of a supernatural species so as to protect themselves from the humans... from exactly what, idk. Think of Santa Claus I guess 😭😭
recently, there has been a parasite.. one that lives symbiotically with the Invisiblites, and they are often unaware of its presence. this parasite is what many of the Thorn have dubbed "the Heartless parasite."
Tumblr media
to kill an Invisiblite, you must stab it through the heart, but with the parasite, they transmutate to a grotesque pale white skinned hollowed out body, with long tentacle-like arms. to kill these is random, but in thing is consistent — they lack a heart.
Tumblr media
Heartless will attack anything that moves, dissolving and destroying whatever is in their path. This is how Zan met Claud; she was being attacked by a Heartless.
later on, Claudya insists on joining the Thorn, despite being human. Zan's Aunt Rae makes spiritual magic stuff (her power) and makes Claud a wand or smth, idk. this is all I have so far.
I love them a lot, but there are just so many ideas that I can't properly draw them without stimming out or having a heart attack, so I have practically zero art.
here's a lil bit of Zan though ↓
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
21 notes · View notes
helpfandom · 1 year ago
Note
Can I request BTAS Riddler with a platonic darling who’s an artist? They can’t leave anywhere without their sketchpad and sometimes draws anatomical art. Perhaps Riddler saw them make a sketch of him and took interest in them
Tumblr media
@yanderefangirl
Ah yes, an artist.
He notices you first as you have yet to move from your spot even in the midst of all the chaos of his newest scheme to rid Gotham of this winged 'savior', and yet he pays no mind to you. [He's lying, he's actually looking at you the whole time Batman beats his new scheme, for he can't help but wonder what you may be drawing.]
And once you put the sketchbook away, he catches a glimpse of what you had been drawing, and it was... HIM?
Of course, once you have a moment and step away from your sketchbook for just once whilst leaving it open, well, I simply must critique them, I don't want anyone getting anything incorrect now would we I?
So when you proceed to look at your sketchbook again, it has tiny notes in it in Riddler's handwriting [not like you know what that may look like], with notes of how to make it more anatomically correct, although some of the tips may not be legal. Glossing over it, the only thing left on the next page where the next sketch ideas had been placed was a simple green question mark.
As the days pass by, Riddler finds himself magnetically attached to you, managing to find you in the security cameras around Gotham and staring, watching you work. As he watches you sketch the drawings, he cannot help but wish to correct you, but he does take pride and notice in the fact that you changed what he had written down as a mistake, improving yourself. Better than most of the citizens in Gotham, he must say.
Slowly he begins to stalk you, and starts adding puzzles nearby you, and where you frequent. Usually, it has to do with anatomy, but sometimes it is simply questions such as how many bones are in the human body? [He was surprised that you had multiple answers and that you had gotten it right, for there are 4 possible correct answers.]
Once he realizes this, then he makes those puzzles deliberate, making questions that only you would know the answer to, which stumps that insufferable Bat, but only for a while as Batman connects the dots to the same person who frequently draws anatomically correct.
So Riddler finds himself coming to the conclusion that the only way to properly teach the one person in Gotham who can learn from him properly when the Batman keeps interrupting the learning process, is to kidnap you!
Perhaps you shouldn't have fueled his ego.
108 notes · View notes
moongothic · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Wanted to use up my final scrap yarns and practise colorwork knitting so I made some legwarmers yeehaw
So to start; to make these I bastardized the shit out of the Lunar-socks by Heinikki Design. The backside of the sock has this pretty star pattern, so I took that part and used it alone for these legwarmers. Did have to figure out how to do the seam/transition between rows, which was a lil tricky, but, eh, I think I did a decent enough job. The seam is visible (you can see it in the first photo, on the left one) but it's about as subtle as I could get it with my stitch count/pattern repeat
But yes. I had these leftover yarns from the vertical stripe cardigan I made last fall. And I thought making legwarmers with them could be fun; I wasn't entirely sure what I'd be able to make with the scraps because I wasn't sure what the yardage was (colorwork eats up yarn differently than basic knit). So I figured with legwarmers I could just make them as long as I wanted/was able to with the yarn I had, and I could just stop whenever I was about to run out/felt they were long enough. Also, with socks I get a bit sad/worried it might be a waste of time because socks will wear down and will end up with holes (holes can be fixed but that also takes time and effort). Also I have no idea how to knit socks and I went into this wanting to practise colorwork, not shaping/sock knitting. But with legwarmers, I just need to knit a tube, and because they're worn on your legs, they won't/shouldn't wear down too fast. (Also I have plenty of other small clothing items that I just don't need more of, but I don't have any legwarmers)
As mentioned though, the key thing for me going into this project was that I wanted to practise colorwork. My only previous experience with colorwork is the anatomical heart sweater that I made last year, but that one was an intarsia project. I hadn't done an all-over colorwork project like this before, and I really wanted to try that, but also a whole ass sweater is a big undertaking and quite scary. I wanted to try something smaller so it'd be easier to practise, but also because if the project was turning out like shit, I wouldn't feel as bad if I had to frog it etc.
So yeah, I started by just doing the ribbing and figuring out how big I needed/wanted these to be so they'd fit on my legs (something I do hand-in-hand because god knows I always have to redo the cast-on/first few rows a few times before I get the size right). After that I did the pattern bastardization and just. Got to work. I did not check how long it took me to make these but it did take its sweet ass time. I do feel like it took me a while just to learn how to hold my yarns and get used to having to move my stitches along and "reset" the yarns around my fingers to get the tension right every few seconds.
But eventually, I got the hang of it. And I'm glad to report I was able to make these legwarmers the perfect lenght. I had divided my yarns in half before starting (I feel like it helps ensuring both items have enough yarn/I know when to stop knitting lest I run out) and went back-and-forth with both warmers for a while until I got to the bottom ribbing. Then I ran out of black yarn on one of warmers, and so I had to attach the other end of the other black yarn ball to finish both. By the time I was done (like 3 rows shorter than the top ribbing, sad but it's fine) and had cast off both legwarmers, I had like 30 centimeters worth of black yarn left in total between the two, holding them together. Like holy shit I had JUST enough to make these. (I do still have a smidge of yellow yarn left but nothing much)
And, yeah. I think they turned out pretty good!
Now, key complaints; I shouldn't have done stretchy bindoff on the ankle, it flairs out so much when I would've preferred the cuff tighter there. My mistake. I also didn't do any decreases on these, mainly because I didn't want to spend time figuring out how to do shaping on legwarmers, so they are a bit loose above the ankle (would be fine if the ribbing was tighter). And I did do some mistakes with the colorwork here and there. But. I came here to practise doing colorwork. The keeping of tension etc had intimidated me for such a long time I had been scared to try colorwork. With that in mind, I think these turned out pretty good! Like, quite decent! And I feel like I've finally overcome The Mountain of Colorwork, like I feel like I could take on a sweater now or something (probably not but a guy can dream lol)
15 notes · View notes
slamminslamminmcgill · 1 year ago
Note
joel getting off of a carpenter job all sweaty and smelling like lumber and probably a little beer and uhhhhhhhhh stealing his sweaty shirts and huffing them when he goes to shower. what who said that 🧍‍♂️
rl quick shoutout to my dilf friend who hosts the orgy he smells rly good and i huffed his pits last night so this one’s your fault babes mwah
anatomical terms: cunt, dick
Tumblr media
Is this how drug dogs feel?
When some idiot’s trying to sneak weed through customs, is this how excited they get when they catch a whiff?
Well, probably not this excited, and either way, it’s not the smell that hypes them up, but the promise of a treat afterwards.
You, on the other hand, were attracted to the smell itself, or at least the idea of it. Specifically, Joel’s scent as soon as he walked into the apartment, face flushed, brow dotted with sweat, wet patches pooling under his armpits, sawdust sprinkling him from head to toe, ripped jeans with paint splatters on them. He looked gorgeous, so masculine and powerful. Jesus was a carpenter too, wasn’t he? Yeah, that tracks. No wonder he had twelve dudes following him all the time. Joel’s smell was as conspicuous as lighting a blunt in the airport, something that’d surely attract the dogs.
He wiped his Timberland boots on the mat, then knelt down to untie them. You watched, entranced, as he kicked them off and unbuckled his tool belt. You wanted nothing more than to rush him and face-plant into his armpits, but you figured you should show at least some restraint.
“I’m’onna take a shower,” Joel said matter-of-factly, dropping his tool belt on the counter. “Scream if ya need me.”
Shit, if that’s all it took, you’d scream for him to suffocate you in his pits and let you huff that glorious Man Smell™️ until you pass out, but that wasn’t what he meant. He meant “Unless you’re being murdered, don’t bother me for the next 20 minutes”.
No matter. You could easily keep yourself busy in that time.
Once the shower was on, you cloaked your footsteps under the sound of running water. Slowly, ever so slowly, you tiptoed to the bathroom and cracked the door open. Joel wouldn’t have been able to see you through the shower curtain, anyway, but you didn’t want him catching on. You slid your arm through the gap and blindly felt around for the first piece of clothing you could grab. At the first touch of cotton, you hooked your fingers into it, yanked it through the door, and inspected your prize: his t-shirt. Jackpot.
Having snagged your precious treasure, you shut the bathroom door and practically skipped off to your room. You flopped onto your bed, held the balled-up shirt to your face, and took a big whiff. Sweat, lumber, testosterone, and what you guessed to be either Modelo or Corona. Whatever it was, it was just one ingredient, one splash in this hedonistic cocktail that made it all the more intoxicating. Your cunt was already crying for attention, so you slipped your fingers in your underwear to soothe it. Rubbing along your own slit, spreading the wetness around, pinching your dick and stroking it, you tended to your needs as best you could, the musky shirt muffling your moans. You’d gotten so invested, so focused on your task, that you forgot to listen for the shower turning off. You only realized your mistake when it came barging through your bedroom door.
“Hey, have you seen my-?” Joel started, and then stopped mid-question when you answered it for him. Yes. Yes, you had seen his shirt. And now he had seen it, balled up in your desperate fist, while your other hand rubbed your even more desperate cunt.
No fucking shot of explaining your way out of this one. He knew immediately.
Joel snorted at the pathetic sight before him, “Oh my god, that’s… What is wrong with you, kid?”
You laid frozen on the bed as he approached, surely taking his sweet time to let your embarrassment fester. Once he was within range, he snatched the shirt out of your hand, and said,
“Don’t go stealin’ my shit, boy. Next time you want somethin’ from me, use your words and just fuckin’ ask.”
105 notes · View notes
eruditetyro · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
sweetmetals.//art, artist, process//created, creator, creation.
RAINER MARIA RILKE/MAGGIE STIEFVATER/BREAD & PUPPET/STIEFVATER/JOHN SINGER SARGENT/STIEFVATER/B&P/STIEFVATER/B&P/STIEFVATER/EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY/STIEFVATER/RILKE. further description under the cut.
text reads:
"we cannot know his legendary head/with eyes like ripening fruit. And yet his torso/is still suffused with brilliance from inside,/like a lamp, in which his gaze, now turned to low,/gleams in all its power. Otherwise/the curved breast could not dazzle you so, nor could-" - Archaic Torso of Apollo, Rainer Maria Rilke trans. Stephen Mitchell
"-them. If one didn't know any better, one might mistake this for an eccentric art sale for discerning buyers.
But the pieces themselves soon corrected that impression. Jordan could feel their collective power radiating toward her. Her body felt awake, alert, ready for action. It was like caffeine. Speed.
No, it was like being real." - Mister Impossible, Maggie Stiefvater
[letterpress print] "art soothes pain! Art wakes up sleepers! Art fights against war & stupidity!" - Cheap Art Manifesto, Bread & Puppet Press
"-White only drove this home. They weren't great because they were technically perfect. There was something else. Something more. Whether that something could be named--sweetmetal?--she wasn't sure. What she was sure of was that pieces like that all had a way of seeing the world that no one else had noticed before." - Mister Impossible, Maggie Stiefvater
[picture of El Jaleo by John Singer Sargent]
"-would last his entire life. Was this what it had in common with Madame X? Was it it that the painting changed his life, or was it that he knew that it was going to change his life? What was soul? Declan didn't know, but he liked trying to find out." - Mister Impossible, Maggie Stiefvater
"Art sings halleluja! Art is for kitchens! Art is like good bread! Art is like green trees! Art is like white clouds in blue sky!" Cheap Art Manifesto, Bread & Puppet Press
"As her eyes burned, Hennessy swiped a thin, bleeding splash of red on one of the index cards, and then, with the marker, suggested the lines needed to show that it was an anatomical heart, bleeding paint. Beneath it, she just had time to jot angrily: OF FUCKING COURSE.
Her heart was broken, that was why she was really upset, her heart was broken, broken, broken because Hennessy wanted so badly to be as good at living as Jordan was and she never even got close. She flicked the index card across the table at Farooq-Lane.
The mouse woke up." Greywaren, Maggie Stievater
"ART IS FOOD. You cant EAT it BUT it FEEDS you. ART has to be CHEAP & available to EVERYBODY. It needs to be EVERYWHERE because it is the INSIDE of the WORLD." Cheap Art Manifesto, Bread & Puppet Press
"Jordan was beginning to understand how it might be possible for ley energy to be tangled into the art-marking process, too." Mister Impossible, Maggie Stiefvater
"And she could see in her mind's vision plain/The magic World, where cities stood on end.../Remote from where she lay--and yet-- between" - Collected Sonnets, Edna St. Vincent Millay
"-when they make the art. I thought when I first saw one that it was because the art was special to the world in some way. A real original, you know? But it was explained to me later and this makes more sense. They are special to the artist in some way. They are an original for the artist, something new for them, something personal for them. The subject matter, sometimes, how they felt when they were painting it, others. That is what seems to make some of them into sweetmetals. I do not thing it is the artist who does it. It is, like, the spirit of the time. There is a French term-" Mister Impossible, Maggie Stiefvater
"Otherwise this stone would seem defaced/beneath the translucent cascade of the shoulders/and would not glisten like a wild beast's fur:/would not, from all the borders of itself,/burst like a star: for here there is no place/that does not see you. You must change your life." Archaic Torso of Apollo, Rainer Maria Rilke trans. Stephen Mitchell
51 notes · View notes
muchinternalscreaming · 6 months ago
Text
A Not Particularly Comprehensive Recount of my experience painting me first digital art piece
Created an ao3 account to gift writers fanart, Created a tumblr account to gift writers fanart,
Turns out this trend ✨️has yet to end✨️
Delved into the world of digital art to - once again - make fanart and gift it to writers.
Also I am making this post to procastinate on WIPs and coursework.
This piece of fanart was inspired by a throw away line (the one about Sam in a suit, Danny in dress) in the lovely fic :
Also available on tumblr @jaewritesfic , though the ao3 link is the one that updates
I: The Beginning, A Sketch.
Tumblr media
Ignore the figure on the left, the half-done (quarter-done?) Figure on the right is the subject of interest.
II: Lineart
Tumblr media
Hell yeah, you can correct any anatomical mistakes on a totally anatomically correct body (eraser, my beloved).
III: Colouring (My Beloathed)
Tumblr media
Ew.
Had to take a few hours away from this puece to recover from the psychic damage, watched approximately 2.5 colouring tutorials, absorbed 0% of the information shared, then proceeded under the modus operandi ✨️fuck around, find out✨️. Anddddddd
Tumblr media
It paid off :D!!
But value-wise, the it was v boring. (fixed it l8ter)
IV: Details are the Devils
Tumblr media
Pain. Also involved way too many layers (is what I thought at this stage, only to exceed that amount by over 50% 15 mins later) (gave up labelling and my memory is somewhat akin to swiss cheese so for the duration of this journey I worshipped the visibility button)
Tumblr media
Anyway, time to fix the boring range of values, simply by mighting the light lighter and the shadows more shadow-y (very technical, such jargon, i know. Plz don't use this as a guide for digital art, I only knew about 0.37% of what I was doing at any time)
Tumblr media
not enough shadow, kind of boring. Also need to clean up the areas where the paint overlapped the lineart but that is a problem for future me.
Tumblr media
Better!! (At least to me) Also, would probably have to redo the hair b/c it is def stylistically different from the rest of the piece (I did not do that for one very good reason; 'M lazy :) )
Tumblr media
If I decide to go w/ this version, I'll probably have to put some shadow on his teeth.
V: Conclusion
What did I learn? Colouring takes way too long (even excluding the time spent procastinating on it), I am sticking to simple colouring for the nxt few pieces. (The full art piece will b posted with those)
8 notes · View notes
moonshine-nightlight · 4 months ago
Note
Wow that ask meme has so many options! Okay please ignore any you don't feel like answering but: 20, 24, 31, 63, 64, 74
@sarahserinde
20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
Specific wording i don't notice as much, until an editor or beta mentions it and then i block out the memory lol ("in response" was called out in the last chapter of DSM if i remember correctly). I do like comeuppance (Don't Shoot the Messenger, Finally Woken), mutual pining (love me a "they both think the other doesn't like them 'like that' and they dont want to jeopardize the friendship"), heats (FW, Snapped, Voluntary Sacrifice) and a main character taking the reins of their own life (DSM, NWWD, FW).
24. already answered here
31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?
Depends on the story to be honest. Nothing's Wrong with Dale started with a writing prompt so plot (you're bf has been replaced with an eldritch being pretending but you like them better). Snapped started with the my alien boy Mech and the idea of sudden heat together. Selfish was definitely both characters first. I tend to have a lot of stray pieces of ideas that roll around in my brain, waiting for the right ones to stick together, so often i don't have a story idea until the plot and characters knock into each other. Don't Shoot the messenger I had the dynamic between the characters (personally and of lord and messenger) before i had anything else--pirates were not involved for a while. Sacrifice, i'd see a post for a while about "why in movies, whenever you translate the temple writing it always rhymes in english", and i had the idea for a hermit forest god with antlers, and then some ritual stuff, but it wasn't until I connected them all that there was a Story.
63. Something you hate to see in smut.
All personal taste, but like everyone i think, i've got certain words/terminology I find more cringe-y/squick-y than others so than can make me stop reading (too slang-y, too anatomical, etc). Otherwise, anytime it feels forced where I'm like, do the characters even want to be here/does it make sense that they are here in context and if not, why am i here? Like the writer forgot to make the characters care and they seem indifferent to what's happening. Why do i care then? Doesn't compel me.
64. Something you love to see in smut.
Characters who are here for the smut, even if they are nervous or worried they're making a mistake or whatever, but who just need to have sex now, who want each other so much. (AKA opposite of above) Pulls me right in with them and makes me enjoy the ride.
74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?
No idea to be honest lol. I feel like you'd have to ask someone else. I'm too in my own head to really call something like that out. If someone ever manages to connect any of my AO3 accounts to each other based soley on the writing vibes, I'll ask ^^
these were fun questions, thanks for sending them in! ask list
4 notes · View notes
buzzdixonwriter · 7 months ago
Text
Duty Now For The Future [AI edition]
First the eyes gave it away, then they figured out how to make them the same size and facing the same direction.
Fingers and limbs proved to be next the next tells, but now limbs usually look anatomically correct and fingers --  while problematic -- are getting better.
Rooms and vehicles and anything that needs to interact with human beings typically show some detail that's wrong, revealing the image as AI generated.
But again, mistakes are fewer and fewer, smaller and smaller, and more and more pushed to the periphery of the image, thus avoiding glaring error.
Letters and numbers -- especially when called to spell out a word -- provide an easy tell, typically rendered as arcane symbols or complete gibberish, but now AI can spell out short words correctly on images and it's only a matter of time before that merges with generative text AI to provide seamless readable signs and paragraphs.
All this in just a few years.  We can practically see AI evolving right before our eyes.
Numerous problems still must be dealt with, but based on the progress already displayed, we are in the ballpark. All of this is a preamble to a look at where AI is heading and what we'll find when we get there. I haven't even touched on AI generated music or text yet, but I will include them going forward.
. . .
The single biggest challenge facing image generating AI is that it still doesn't grasp the concept of on model.
For those not familiar with this animation term, it refers to the old hand drawn model sheets showing cartoon characters in a variety of poses and expressions.  Animators relied on model sheets to keep their characters consistent from cartoon to cartoon, scene to scene, even frame to frame in the animation.  Violate that reference -- go “off model” as it were -- and the effect could look quite jarring.*
AI still struggles to show the same thing the same way twice.  Currently it can come close, but as the saying goes, “Close don't count except in horseshoes, hand grenades, and hydrogen warfare.”
There are some workarounds to this problem, some clever (i.e., isolate the approved character and copy then paste them into other scenes), some requiring brute force (i.e., make thousands of images based on the same prompt then select the ones that look closest to one another).  
When done carefully enough, AI can produce short narrative videos narrative in the sense they can use narration to appear to be thematically linked.
Usually, however, they're just an endless flow of images that we, the human audience, link together in our mind.  This gives the final product, at least from a human POV, a surreal, dreamlike quality.
In and of themselves, these can be interesting, but they convey no meaning or intent; rather, it's the meaning we the audience subscribed to them.
Years ago when I had my first job in show biz (lot attendant at a drive-in theater), a farmer with property adjoining us raised peacocks as a hobby.  The first few times I heard them was an unnerving experience:  They sounded like a woman screaming help me.
But once I learned the sounds came from peacocks, I stopped hearing cries for help and only heard birds calling out in a way that sounded similar to a woman in distress.
Currently AI does that with video.  This will change with blinding speed once AI learns to stay on model.  The dreamlike / nightmarish / hallucinogenic visions we see now will be replaced with video that shows the same characters shot to shot, making it possible to actually tell stories.
How to achieve this?
Well, we already use standard digital modeling for animated films and video games.  Contemporary video games show characters not only looking consistent but moving in a realistic manner.  Tell the AI to draw only those digital models, and it can generate uniformity.  Already in video game design a market exists for plug-in models of humans, animals, mythical beasts, robots, vehicles, spacecraft, buildings, and assorted props. There are further programs to provide skins and textures to these, plus programs to create a wide variety of visual effects and renderings.
Add to this literally thousands of preexistent model sheets and there's no reason AI can't be tweaked to render the same character or setting again and again.
As mentioned, current AI images and video show a dreamlike quality.  Much as our minds attempt to weave a myriad of self-generated stimulations into some coherent narrative form when we sleep, resulting in dreams, current AI shows some rather haunting visual images when it hits on something that shares symbolic significance in many minds.
This is why the most effective AI videos touch on the strange and uncanny in some form.  Morphing faces and blurring limbs appear far more acceptable in video fantastique than attempts to recreate reality.  Like a Rorschach blot, the meaning is supplied by the viewer, not the creator.  
This, of course, lends to the philosophical rabbit hole re quantum mechanics and whether objects really exist independent of an observer, but that's an even deeper dive for a different day.
 © Buzz Dixon
 *  (There are times animators deliberately go off model for a given effect, of course, but most of the time they strive for visual continuity.)
6 notes · View notes
inklore · 2 years ago
Note
hi my love! do you have any writing tips? and words of encouragement when fics flop :(
hi darling <3 i feel like i always suck at giving writing tips but i'll try my very best for you ok. i hope some of these help! also very honored you'd even ask me 🤎
first and foremost: don't compare your writing to anyone else. everyone writes different, everyone has a certain style, a niche. if you're worried you don't have a 'style' don't, because you do. everyone does. it's not something you can make yourself have or take from others, it comes naturally with how your brain works and how it curates words and prose and scenes. that's why no book, no writing, is ever the same even if it's the same source material. it's a beautiful thing so don't stress about trying to make your writing sound or 'read' like other writers. it'll only ruin the enjoyment of how you write!
if you want to write more detailed just remember that not everything in a scene needs to be put down. the more you give the reader room to fill in the blanks and set the scene themselves the better experience for them (at least that's the case for my brain, others may feel different, but doing it this way makes me feel like i'm not adding too much detail or being repetitive). but visualizing, setting the scene for yourself through music or daydreaming is another great tip to write more detailed.
when it comes to smut i am a huge stan of you don't have to say the anatomically correct part they're using (like the p words or c word), and describing what it feels like to have that part touched, grazed, etc is really great. i struggle with fear of repeating myself so i try to find creative ways to describe body parts without actually calling them like flowery/nouns/different synonyms. i hope that made sense lmao.
don't worry about edits or making everything flow completely well in the first take. i highly rec everyone editing their own work and reading it back to themselves, yes it's tiring but it helps you find flow mistakes, add more detail, take something out that you thought fit in the moment but doesn't really. that's why i get everything out the first get go in a kind of fever dream manner and then when i go back to edit it then i buff out everything, add more, take away something, add more details that will make a scene pop off more.
now for the encouragement when it comes to flops: it's going to happen. there's no secret to making something do amazing or something failing. there really isn't and someone who says there is has just had a few lucky posts. because having a big following means nothing, writing a long fic, a short one, only using small font, being super aesthetic, really means nothing. i've seen writers with the most amazing aesthetic and beautiful prose with 100 followers write something and get 2k notes and then get 90 notes on their next post. same with someone who doesn't have a big aesthetic but a big following and writes short fics get 100 notes on their last ten posts but then that eleventh post randomly gets 1k. like it's really just up in the air on here if something is going to do good or not, unfortunately. so that's why i don't let it get to me when something i post gets 100 notes or 1k because i'm happy with both, less, or more. i don't expect anything anymore because that only leads to disappointment and i'm here to write and to have fun.
that's not to say i don't rec curating your own little community on here. make friends, block ppl with bad vibes, join discords of supportive friends. talk to writers who encourage and understand your feelings and discourse and who keep you going, give you inspo, etc etc. if only my friends ever rbed and read my stuff and there was only 10 of them? i'd say hell yeah and that'd encourage me to write more. having a good space of friends and community is amazing and can do a lot to fight off the writer scaries and the feelings of obsessing over numbers and success.
now this is just something i do but it always works for me; i post something and then force myself not to look at it for a day or two. i post it and move on to the next thing i want to work on. i do not dwell on how it's doing. i may q up some rbs for it but i don't even look at the notes when i do that. i deliberately never look at it because yes while it matters in the sense that we love encouragement, we love seeing people love something we spent hours on, we wrote this for ourselves but hello we want that validation too and that's okay, but like i said above and i'm going to say again notes mean nothing in regards to talent. these notes are not simon cowell judging you on your performance. so when i finally do go back to rb comments and reply to things, or if i just want to look at how it did, and the number is low i'm just like ok shrug at least those 20 people enjoyed it and that's better than 0. and if no one commented or rbed yeah that sucks and is disheartening but i can either dwell and be sad on it or i can continue to do what i love and write more. why let the annoying little brats on here who refuse to show their love on a work they read get you down? because there's a dozen of them out there and they're not going away. and you may have made someone's day for this little fic even if they didn't say something about it. it does suck that content creators on here don't get the rbs and comments and credit they deserve, and unfortunately if you want to keep doing what you love you gotta work around it and remind yourself why you're creating, continue to feel that joy. it's hard, believe me. but don't let your creativity be repressed because of it, because you'd be doing a disservice to yourself!
i'll say it again though: a high note count / following doesn't mean the fic is good or bad, neither does low notes / no following. no one's talent is ever in question here. we are here to write, have fun, fill the void of the rl scaries.
20 notes · View notes
corvuscorona · 1 year ago
Text
SHADOW MONSTER - an Astos playlist
...for when you need to spend about an hour rotating that guy in your mind at top speed, or at least a little faster than chillout speed.
(YouTube playlist here) • (tracklist etc. below the cut)
Needed a playlist I could Think About Astos To while doing chores or whatever & it turned out I had the ammunition I needed to be kinda picky, so I'm sharing it here with all my comrades-in-Astos-scholarship, too! You know, in case you also need some music to Think About Astos To. Which seems possible-to-likely, I think.
I have only included tracks that are reasonably well balanced for Normal Listening (just please forgive me for the PS2 synth horns in "finish the promise" if you can find it in your heart). Also, if you use the YT playlist, Man Human is shorter than it should be, so listen to it twice if you want.
ACT I: IMPETUS
Creep City • Jake Shears I said I'd hang on for the ride / now I'm hanging on for dear life / …is that a real knife? バケモノ信者 (Bakemono Shinja / Monster Believer) • MAIKI-P 人の顔した バケモノさ / 気づけば僕も バケモノさ • hito no kao shita bakemono sa / kizukeba boku mo bakemono sa it's a monster with a human face / and now that I think about it, I'm a monster, too 心臓 (Shinzō / Heart[1]) • TOOBOE 蘇ってしまうよ 貴方の為なら幾らでも / 間違いも愛せるよ 馬鹿なもんでさ / 生き返ってしまうよ 貴方がくれた命だから • yomigaette shimau yo anata no tame nara ikura demo / machigai mo aiseru yo baka na monde sa / ikikaette shimau yo anata ga kureta inochidakara for you, I'd revive again and again / loving even the mistakes, fool that I am / I'll come back to life because it's the life you gave me
ACT II: THE PROCESS
Bleed it Out • Linkin Park half the words don't mean a thing / and I know that I won't be satisfied Man Human • Denki Groove for Devilman Crybaby Just One Yesterday • Fall Out Boy I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way / still, I'd trade all my tomorrows…
ACT III: MADNESS
Décolleté • Kenshi Yonezu 兎角疲れました / 数えるから直ぐに消えて • tokaku tsukaremashita / kazoeru kara sugu ni kiete at any rate, I'm exhausted / I'll count, so hurry up and disappear [2] うみなおし (Uminaoshi / Rebirth[3]) • Maretu 君は何も悪くないぜ / (多分) • kimi wa nani mo warukunai ze / (tabun) you've done nothing wrong / (probably) 空想メソロギヰ (Kuusou Mesorogiwi / Fantastical Mesology) • Yousei Teikoku for Future Diary (See [4] below.)
ACT IV: FOR WHAT
A Good Song Never Dies • Saint Motel it just reminds you of where you were / the first time it made you cry / the first time you felt alive… SHADOW MONSTER • Toki Asako 探しものは踊らなきゃ見つからない • sagashimono wa odoranakya mitsukaranai if we don't dance, we won't find what we're looking for.
ACT V: RESOLVE
JUMPER • CAPSULE anger stress and secrets they won't break you wake up put aside you(')r(e) feeling nothing freely speed up landing stepping jumping jump Leave The Light On • Overcoats what if I don't make it home / you're not there, and the light's not on
ACT VI: THE END
still feel. • half•alive when it's hopeless, I start to notice / that I still feel alive finish the promise • MOTOO FUJIWARA for Tales of the Abyss White Light • Superfly for Tales of Zestiria 正解なんてない 間違いなんてない / 塗り替えてゆけ 在るべき世界へ • seikai nante nai machigai nante nai / nurikaete yuke arubeki sekai e there's no such thing as right; there's no such thing as wrong / remake this world into what it should have been
( NOTES )
[1] - Specifically the anatomical term. Metaphorical uses of this word do seem to be a thing, but skew more towards meaning something like "courage" (think "guts" or "spine") as opposed to 心 (kokoro) on its own, which is used for something more like "essence", "spirit", "soul". Incidentally, I highly… HIGHLY recommend watching the MV for this one (Check the YT link before the readmore)! [2] - Eternal plug for vgperson, who has been my source for Kenshi Yonezu lyrics since something like 2010, and is the backbone of society. Check out the full translation there (ctrl+F the title!) to get a feel for this song's whole... vibe (which I'd describe as a very specific flavor of "fuck. god damn it. whatever; leave me alone," which of course is why it's here). [3] - There's a footnote on the Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki page for this song that conveys something interesting about the title; it says: "'Uminaoshi' isn’t a word that’s typically used to mean 'rebirth'; rather, it is a compound made up of a word meaning 'to give birth' and a word that carries the sense of doing something over to fix mistakes, because you messed it up the last time," which is fun, I think. [4] - This song's lyrics are poetic in a way that makes them difficult to interpret as-written, let alone translate in a way that makes literally any sense at all. The official MV does have English subtitles that are NOT auto-translated, though. Those are the most coherent piece of information I can give you (check the YT link before the readmore!) re: why the Future Diary OP is even in this playlist, except for this statement: it's about breaking free of a time loop that's being treated like a game in some way by The Entity In Charge Of It. (And also, it sounds like... you know, like the way that it sounds.)
11 notes · View notes
flightlesscupid09 · 2 months ago
Text
101-150
101. What's the thing you like that creeps other people out?
Only creeps some people out and it's zombie shows.
102. If you could write a book, what would it be about?
My life.
103. What's the best date you've ever been on?
Kayla's and my first date to the movies. 🍿
104. Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich. It allows you to achieve more things.
105. What's something you believed earlier in your career but think about differently now?
This one is hard because I've changed professions a few times. I'll try and come back to this one.
106. What mistake do you keep making over and over again?
I don't do this anymore luckily. I eventually realized that the turmoil caused in my life was due to this and wanted a simpler calmer life.
107. Are you a cat or a dog person?
Dog person.
108. If you could instantly be an expert in a subject, what would it be?
Law. I would challenge the test and get my lawyer degree.
109. What's the best job you ever had?
Being a landlord, honestly. I've been able to help some great people get into houses. It's also allowed me the comfortability to be able to lend some folks some money to get into a cheaper place (I got the money back luckily, but I would have been okay without it).
110. Would you rather be slightly late or super early?
I would rather be super early. I always seem to be slightly late though..
111. What's the last thing you completed in your bucket list?
Sky diving.
112. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
Something dangerous in a safe manner. Such as sky diving or bungee jumping. It makes you feel alive, even if you don't enjoy them.
113. Have you been told you look like someone famous?
Tom Cruise and Ryan Gosling.
114. If you could only have five apps on your phone, what would they be?
Phone
Text
Internet
Messenger
Duolingo
115. What's the worst job you've ever had?
The job at B&W Rexall. The owner was an idiot that didn't know how to run a business or treat employees, and then let his hot headed son come in, cheat on his pregnant girlfriend with my waitresses, and try to intimidate me with a gun. Absolute trash of a place.
116. Would you rather give up your smartphone or your computer?
Smartphone. I don't like having a digital leash.
117. What book have you read recently that you would recommend and why?
Rich Dad, Poor Dad is the only one recently and that's my reasoning why. If it doesn't have to be recently Storm Thief by Chris Wooding, it was an interesting and very original book.
118. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?
Honestly getting into office. I believe I really am set on it and looking forward to it.
119. If you have to relive the same day for the rest of your life, which day would you choose?
Kayla's and my first date to the movies. It has all the things I love in it, from Kayla and the movies and such, to the fact that I was living with my grandparents then. Just fantastic.
120. If you could only drink one type of alcohol for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
I don't drink, think it's all nasty. So I could choose anything because it won't get drank. 🤷
121. What's the best advice you've ever received?
Keep moving forward!
122. Would you rather be the funniest or the smartest person in the room?
Funniest. You can always keep learning to get smarter, it's harder to get funnier.
123. When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Funnily enough the president, or a firefighter.
124. What is something you are certain you'll never experience and why?
Pregnancy, because I'm a guy anatomically and mentally.
125. What's the last thing you bought for under $50 that you love and use often?
Cologne. I like smelling good.
126. If you could be famous, what would you want to be famous for?
Making people's lives better/world peace.
127. Describe your worst date ever.
Tie. One is I was dating this girl and the most we did was an arm around her while watching a movie (we were younger) and her friend BIT me. Other date was this girl where her "humor" was calling me stupid and laughing then wondering why I wasn't laughing or finding it funny because it was "just a joke".
128. Would you rather be too hot or too cold?
Too cold. One reason why I moved North.
129. What's your best scar story?
I was in a giant inflatable ball and my wife's boss (also in a giant inflatable ball) said I couldn't knock him over. I like a good challenge. I ran full speed at him and hit him so hard my face hit the inside of my ball hard enough my glasses lens cut my eyebrow open and now scarred across.
130. What thing are you most scared to tell your parents?
Nothing really. I'm an open book. I'm not afraid to tell anyone anything.
131. What's something about you that surprises people when they first hear it?
That I'm pretty well to do now. I don't dress like it and I come from a childhood where we lived in a tent for a week or so because of bad financial decisions.
132. If you could visit any place in the world, where would it be and why?
Sweden 🇸🇪♥️ I love their culture, their people, and their language. Just an absolutely fantastic place.
133. What's the best compliment you've ever received?
That I was the best dad they could have possibly asked for.
134. Would you rather not have arms or legs, and why?
Arms. I wouldn't like not being able to walk where I want when I want. Yes, more things are handi-accessible than ever, but forests aren't. Mountains aren't. I've seen people develop skill with their feet to write or play guitar. I haven't seen people develop walking everywhere on their hands.
135. What show on Netflix did you binge watch embarrassingly fast?
I don't think you could "embarrassingly watch a show fast" that's weird. Now amount of times? Breaking Bad. I think I'm on my 7th time.
136. What was the hardest decision you've ever had to make?
Deciding our family was full at 5 and that no more was the only option.
137. Who would you like to play in a movie?
Some kind of adventure movie like The Goonies or something.
138. If you could live in a sitcom, which one would it be and why?
Either Breaking Bad or The Walking Dead. The excitement of either one would be why. Adrenaline is my reasoning.
139. What's the best thing about the opposite gender?
Uh, that part that makes them different? For obvious reasons and because it allows them to give birth.
140. Would you rather have a rewind or pause button on your life?
Rewind. You could repeatedly rewind till you get it right, versus, you could pause forever to think of the perfect response and still when you un-pause say the wrong thing.
141. What's the best gift you've ever received?
My kids.
142. What is a mistake people often make about you?
I couldn't tell you. I haven't had anyone say they ever thought one thing about me and then found out I was different later. I am outgoing and honest right from the start.
143. What's your most used emoji?
😎
144. If you could meet any historical figure, who would you choose and why?
Winston Churchill. He was a brilliant man who stood firm in the face of danger and death. I would want to know how he thought, and how he came to his conclusions.
145. If you could only eat one meal everyday for the rest of your life what would it be?
Dinner. I think it's a nice way to end the day with the family coming together.
146. Who are three people you want on your team if there was a zombie apocalypse?
Rick Grimes
Michonne
Daryl Dixon
147. What's something you disagree with about the way you were raised?
The fact that she always spent money which put us into really bad situations.
148. Who in your life inspires you to be better?
As silly as this sounds, the future image of myself.
149. Would you rather always have gas or always have bad breath?
The former.
150. What was the worst haircut you've ever had?
Pretty sure I had something like a bowl cut when I was younger and they ridiculed me as bad as you see in shows and movies.
Well that is the end of Best Self's ICEBREAKER set. 🙂
0 notes
pheonix561 · 9 months ago
Note
Look, I'm a psych nurse for a living, and this person's conception of psychiatry is just straight wrong.
The biggest mistake people make about psychiatry is assuming that a diagnosis is an invalidation. That if you've been diagnosed with depression, it means a doctor looked at you and said "The problem isn't with everything else, the problem is with you." That's not true. This field is way less "What's wrong with you," and way more "What's happened to you?"
A diagnosis works in a lot of different ways. For example, this other comment about depression and biology,
However, when we say that depression (for example) is not a disease we mean that there is no biological entity---no infectious pathogen, no 'chemical imbalance', no organic lesion, no anatomical defect or physiological malfunction---that is identifiable as a single cause or correlate of depressed states, nor will there ever be.
Is just completely false! Ever seen someone get smacked in the head hard enough that their personality changes forever, and they're just way easier to make angry or miserable for the rest of their life, even after accounting for and treating any resulting PTSD? Ever seen someone develop depression as a result of a brain tumor they never knew they had, in the total absence of other cancer symptoms, and then have the tumor excised, and miraculously their depression is gone? Even after accounting for any kind of cancer-based existential crisis that may have resolved? Physical pathologies occur in or to the brain that cause depression to develop in people, just like they can cause mania, or other symptoms. It happens! And this is to say nothing of the way someone who's survived trauma's brain chemistry becomes altered.
I won't go into further detail on that, because I'm not a physician. I would rather let any of the psychiatrists who prowl tumblr give any more specific examples. But, I still work closely with doctors, and am expected to know that a diagnosis is often also a rule-out; Saying someone has one diagnosis is frequently the same as saying they don't have a different one. That's what doctors are talking about when they talk about "differential diagnosis." Someone will present with symptoms of depression of some kind, and doctors will set about trying to determine the cause. Off the top of my head, in psychiatric diagnoses, common differential diagnoses would be between bipolar-1 and bipolar-2, along with psychosis from substance abuse, schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder, severe depression with psychotic symptoms... All presentations I see pretty regularly at work, and all of which suffer from psychosis as some part of their disease course. I know we're talking about depression here but I"m just busting this answer out.
But hey, that whole answer I just gave is about responding to the notion of a "single cause," or a "physical cause" being impossible, and that there's plenty of pretty great reasons why somebody might be depressed. That's also completely true, and something anyone working in the field is expected to know! In fact, its so simple to understand that I busted out my old digital psych nursing textbook that talks about it in the first damn chapter.
Tumblr media
The first thing anyone learns about psychiatry in nursing school is the nature of stress; that that's the key thing, the basic reason why anxiety disorders, psychotic disorders, substance abuse disorders, etc, are all pathological; they cause stress. This being the first chapter of this book, it goes into detail explaining different theories of exactly how to define and explain stress, which sounds easy until you try it.
And god, I'd love to explain this whole chapter because I love talking about stress theory and psychiatric nursing theory, but if I do that I'll never finish writing anything. Long story short, the "Stress as a transaction between the individual and the environment" chapter goes
precipitating event.
Let's say a person loses their job.
2. individual's perception of the event.
Did they like the job? They might be depressed. Did they hate the job? They might be happy about it. Did they need the job? They might be scared for their life. After all, was the job their only key to rent? Health insurance? Do they have other job options? What will they do until then?
The first half of that, the "does this event matter to me or not," Half, is the "Primary appraisal." The second half, "What options and coping skills do I have," is the "secondary appraisal." This version of understanding stress is usually the one that I lean on in my practice as a nurse, but I digress.
3. Predisposing factors.
This is actually measuring the response to the event, despite the name "predisposing." Factors here being Genetic influences (say, prone to anger), Past experiences(prior experience with sudden loss, or lack thereof), existing conditions (rent is due when? How much money is in the bank account?)
There's more in this chapter on simple stress management and non pharmacological interventions, which in this example I've been making up, could range from "listen to calming music" to "getting a new, better job." But the point I want to come back to is that, at no point in this, or really at any point in this book, or my experience in this field both as a patient or as a clinician, have I seen psychiatry used to "blame" someone! Which is even weirder because what the fuck is this??
i think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that calling something a disease means that no one can 'blame the patient' for it. in fact i would say it would be difficult to name a disease that doctors, state authorities, and society at large does NOT blame on patients.
This answer is just complete nonsense. People get diseases all the goddamn time out of the fucking blue. Whether they're born with them as a result of a genetic whoopsie, or just spontaneously develop them as they grow, it happens. I simply cannot wrap my head around the notion that I would blame someone for having cystic fibrosis, or cerebral palsy. Any clinician, in any position, who does that, is definitely a weirdo, and an outlier, and doesn't need to be a clinician.
When I first entered this field, I was really worried that maybe there was some kernel of truth to the things people sometimes say about the practice. But since entering this field, I've learned psychiatry is not a field of being one of the state's ways of coldly manipulating disenfranchised people into being governable. It's way more accurate to say it's a field about trying very hard to help sick people, and wanting the state to either give us more resources with which to do it right, or fuck off.
People would still experience depression in a post-capitalist world. They would still develop schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, and dementia. People would still suffer TBI's. People would still develop personality disorders. Medications still might be magic cures for one patient and seemingly useless to another. And, I've treated just enough psychotic patients from africa to comfortably theorize that the notion that schizophrenia is just a "western culture" thing is probably completely bogus. Psychiatry is the practice of trying to help all these people live their lives, not make them conform.
Hey, I've been delving into anti psychiatry readings but one thing always stands out to me: if there is no underlying disease behind a depressive state, for example, how does that new paradigm not end up placing the blame on the patient? I ask in good faith as I still don't have a clear answer on that regard, and would like to have better conversations about this topic that don't end when people tell me of a close relative with depression who has seemingly had a life free of traumas that could otherwise present as depression.
-materialist (marxist) anti psychiatry identifies the root 'cause' or basis of psychological experiences in the economic and material conditions of existence. depression or other forms of distress, just like other affective states, derive fundamentally from the world we live in, our political situation, the material alienation of estranged labour that underlies 'alienation' the psychological state. this doesn't mean that resolving the contradictions of capitalism (that is, workers' revolution) will magically eliminate all sources of distress, depression, or other currently pathologised experiences. however, it would certainly resolve / eliminate some distress for some people; additionally, it is the only way to overcome the capitalist paradigm that values people by their adherence to a normative standard of ability, which is what renders depressed people (for example) economically marginalised 'failed citizens'
-keeping the above in mind, i would question whether there is really such thing as a person who 'has no trauma' ie, has no material basis for alienation, depression, or distress. capitalism is an estranging system, including for the owner class (though of course this occurs in a different way to the labouring class, and i am not suggesting that the bourgeoisie are the 'victims' of capitalism or some such)
-none of the above is mutually exclusive with the role that an individual's neurobiology plays in their subjective or psychological state. like any base/superstructure phenomenon, the relationship is dialectical, with the material base generally dominating, but both acting on and being affected by superstructural phenomena. economic and material conditions lead to subjective experiences such as depressions; these experiences are also instantiated in, reacting to, and reacted upon by the physiological processes in the brain/body. however, when we say that depression (for example) is not a disease we mean that there is no biological entity---no infectious pathogen, no 'chemical imbalance', no organic lesion, no anatomical defect or physiological malfunction---that is identifiable as a single cause or correlate of depressed states, nor will there ever be; the psychiatric label is a heuristic catch-all applied to a constellation of experiences (symptoms) that are varying degrees of disagreeable to individuals (patients) as well as to medical and state authorities
-i think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that calling something a disease means that no one can 'blame the patient' for it. in fact i would say it would be difficult to name a disease that doctors, state authorities, and society at large does NOT blame on patients
-i also think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that there is a dichotomy between neurobiological diseases and things that are individual faults or failings. in fact i would posit that most subjective experiences, including of distress, are neither
442 notes · View notes
rain-fluff · 1 year ago
Text
The crash after loving too much
For as long as I could remember, there were always cats in my home. If there was nobody around in the house, there would at least be a few felines inhabiting our house. They nest and nap in hidden corners or dark spaces, bask underneath the warm sunlight an browning their coats, or they may even break precious souvenirs and furniture while you’re not looking. Although to be fair, they’d harm anything they can get their paws on so long as they get to sharpen their tiny claws whether you see them or not; what do they know about human etiquette? Some may find it stressful to deal with, some may feel bittersweet as they reminisce the previous signs of life. I have felt many emotions through the years and unfortunately, for me, it led my love for these furry creatures into a steady decline over time.
My love for cats sparked when we had our first cat Nini. She was a precious Siamese stray cat that had a patient and affectionate character. Well in all honesty, I don’t think she was our first cat but she was the first I could remember that left a memorable imprint in the recesses of my hippo campus. Her coat was off-white with the tips of her paws and tail dipped in chocolate with eyes so blue you would mistake them for precious jewels. Maybe it’s because I grew up in an Asian home and was used to being surrounded by brown-eyed anatomical features but I was so mesmerized by cats with vibrant coloured eyes; making you feel like you could grasp the sky so closely in your hands.
I spent a good deal of my childhood playing with barbies and polly pockets right in the living room, dressing my dolls whenever there was a commercial break between episodes of my favourite cartoons. I especially remember on Saturdays at ten a.m. where they would play Sagwa the Chinese Siamese Cat on Playhouse Disney, in which case I would always make sure to get Nini to sit with me as I watch fictional story-telling of Chinese royalty living with mischievous and playful Siamese cats. I remember being fairly upset when Nini couldn’t paint or do calligraphy with her tail much like the royal cats in the show but she was beloved by my family and I nonetheless, even getting the chance to create her own kin. Maybe I was too small to recollect the particular following memory but my mother had explained that she had disappeared one day while we were out of town. At least we still had two of her children at the time; Bandit and Smokey. By the time she disappeared, I had already outgrown from watching Sagwa and moved on with other. As children, its kind of sad to see how fleeting your interests can change.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The two cats had relatively long lives, staying apart from my early childhood up until my preteen years. However, their lives couldn’t last too long. Used to having our cats come and go from our home, Bandit one day arrived home swollen, bruised and fatigued. I didn’t think it was even possible to see an animal look so sickly and ill. Sitting in the back with him nestled in the carrier, he died while I was slumbering; my older brother and mother chastising me for my lack of attentiveness after our arrival at the vet. It was the first death I had experienced witnessing but I couldn’t really feel any sense of sadness. I’d imagine I was still too young trying to grasp the concept of death being only somewhere around the age of eleven.
Smokey was a death that was a little bit harder to accept, being run over by my dad as he was driving his way to work one morning. She quickly went away to hide and mask her injury from the rest of everyone else. It was the first death that had somewhat moved my emotions, being one of the few pets to excitedly come your way when beckoned and grazing her whole being against you. I couldn’t help but hold resentment towards my dad when her corpse was discovered just outside our house before I left for school. I had to walk away without seeing her burial, having my thoughts filled with nothing but unproductive negativity throughout the day. This was just a mere scratch on the surface but I didn’t think that it could possibly worsen as days, months or even years would go by.
There was a small period of time when the house felt too empty, the stillness from the lack of small domesticated creatures roaming in the halls created a cold environment despite living in a tropical country. A year or so later, we suddenly accumulated many in a short span of time due to friends needing assistance with rehoming some animals. Shiloh, a stray female tabby, was the first of many that we had adopted after our past losses. Later there would be additions of pairs such as Knightly and Blucie or Bob and Marley. Despite my family welcoming many, I realized too late that I would be the primary caregiver later on as the rest of my family kept very low engagement with these pets; from cleaning their litter boxes to handling their medication anytime should their health weaken or wane. Despite the tiresome tasks, I had a sense of fulfilment nursing them where I was able. However, the difficulty had risen when more kittens, ones much younger than what I was used to handling, started to sprout like buds at the start of spring.
In between taking care of our older cats, kittens as young as ten days to three weeks old would appear in litters or alone and neglected without their mothers to nurture their growth. This proved to be tedious and stressful due to them needing to be fed every few hours around-the-clock. Having to be hours away just to attend art school while maintaining care often times would prove fruitless, leading them to their deaths. I was ridden with guilt whenever such small creatures would be found lifeless when I reach home but it was the unfortunate reality when tending to kittens so young; even professionals we sought after had trouble themselves. It felt unnerving knowing that vets had to force themselves to be accustomed to these tragedies.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Sometimes, even present mothers can’t be of much help either. Despite giving birth to two tuxedo kittens, Mimi was a good mother only to an extent. While she helped to provide nutrients and grooming, her efforts were very little and had led them to their deaths some time after. It felt like she forced them to be independent too early and it could partly be a result of her natural childish nature wanting to focus more on play than to be a parent. On the other hand, Shiloh had been a good mother to her four kits but I can barely remember what happened to them after except for Indigo. Both Indigo and Knightly were gifts I didn’t think that could crush and shatter me to so many pieces. I first experience with heartbreak was when I first had to break up with my ex at fifteen but it doesn’t compare to the soul crushing pain of losing someone who has been present in your life in the smallest yet influential way possible.
Tumblr media
Knightly often spent his life roaming in the outdoors of our suburban neighbourhood but he would always come home to you with open affection, like a child clinging to the comforts of their parents after a long day of school. That comfort was shortened by his internals rupturing his health, rendering him lifeless to even hold despite his consciousness still present. It was a result of his unmonitored excursions; contracting diseases from open wounds that resulted from cat fights and fleas festering and leaching into his organs. He had run away to have a quiet death before we could further tend to injuries with the medication he needed.
Out of everyone, I felt that Indigo had the most traumatizing impact to me. His illness would come back and forth, from catching flus every other month to suddenly having his system shutting down brought from his kidney’s failing support. It took many visits to varying veterinary clinics just to find reasons for his condition but it would never be answered until his near-death. It hurt to see him struggle taking even the slightest step, his body would tremble recklessly even trying to stand up in place. I will never forget the day I saw him drew his last breath, his eyes dulled and snuffed of light in an instant. I don’t think I’ve mourned for a pet as strongly as I did with Indigo. It didn’t help that both him and Knightly we’re the ones who knew to comfort me when I felt alone and in my darkest moments. I couldn’t help but feel desperate; why did you have to leave me alone?
Tumblr media
When Bob had passed just this January, I was already drained. I couldn’t really care for her like I would with other cats in the past even though she was one of the oldest we had. I’ve grown tired after accumulating so much grief over the years, wanting an out if I was able. She didn’t deserve my neglect but there was only so much energy I had left to try. I’ve learnt the hardships of grief and it chips your soul enough that it forces you to collapse the more you try to endure. What could I have done different for all these lives that have whisked away so abruptly? What more can I do for these seemingly endless amounts of strays ensuring that they even had a chance of having a life of comfort? Their lives are left in my hands because many aren’t too keen on keeping for themselves but with the current pace, there’s already so much blood spilt all over.
If given a chance, I wish I could do it all over by making stronger efforts of putting them under better care and finding better forever-homes instead of having to stay with me. I wish I could see the signs and get some of them hospitalized faster instead of letting slip away from my fingers so quickly. Sometimes I wonder if I even maintain human relationships when I barely have the strength to maintain my companionship with these creatures. I can’t help but wonder of what-ifs and think if there ever was such a thing as growth for someone like me. They look at you with so much trust that you can’t help but why. What was so significant about me that made you want to stay and put your trust in me? If there was anything I’ve significantly learned from loving these animals after all these years it’s that I really don’t think I can give a supportive love that would last. I rather keep myself distant before I could fracture anything else I hold dear.
1 note · View note
jujujulia · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
From the thumbnail sketches I made 4 A4 posters from my favourite images!
The image of the lady bathing in blood (right) is based off of a Hungarian countess named Elizabeth Báthory who killed and bathed in the blood of over 600 women, believing bathing the blood of virgins would grant her eternal youth. This case is very morbid but it was good research in helping me generate ideas.
The first image (left) is a lot more light hearted and fun! It was based on the very famous war time propaganda poster of Lord Kitchener, with a more vampiric twist. The initial idea behind this was to communicate a way where vampires could recruit people to give blood by their own will, rather than taking it. I liked the pun and the image so I chose it.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The third poster was my last completed one and I originally chose the design because I liked how I used the paper colour as the second colour in the piece and drew only shadows. I didn’t really like how this one turned out on A4 because there were some more obvious anatomical mistakes.
I used only crimson and black Indian ink to produce these and I really liked working with ink. I chose crimson out of all the shades of red because it more closely resembles blood, however the ink had a slightly purply tint, which I liked but was told in feed back to experiment with different shades of red. It was easy to use and produced very expressive and free moving lines but also was able to produce sharp and block colours. It’s very versatile.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Peer feedback ^
1 note · View note