#the fact we have so many stories that we would literally cringe at together

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

theorizing

It's still early in the event, but I'm already trying to think about what Hot Topic Issue this year's Halloween event might tackle (assuming it follows the precedent set by GloMasq and Playful Land). Here's the theory I present to you: the conflict will be about escapism and where to draw that divide between fantasy and reality. Why do I think that? Because there are lots of parallels between our shiny new guy on the block, Skully, and us, Twst fans.

Book 7 presents a similar idea when Lilia and Malleus discuss the life cycle of Gao-Gao Drago-kun, how short it is, and how convenient it would be if the virtual pet could live forever in a fantasy world. In the same book, Yuu has finally found a potential route home... meaning an end to their story and their time in their current world. Read another way, it can be said that we, the Twst fans/players, are like Malleus, not wanting anything about our lives in Twisted Wonderland to change. We want to stay here among these characters we have come to love and grow close to, not return to our boring mundane lives in our original worlds... in reality. Likewise, similar points of comparison can be drawn between these themes and Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas, even as early as part 1.

Now in this allegory, Skully represents us, the average Twst fans. Here's the parallels I noted:

Skully is notably a first year, which matches up with the grade level that Yuu (the player self-insert/POV character) is assigned to

Skully attends a school where his peers don’t understand him or his interests. This mimics the experience of some Twst fans, who may be misunderstood even within the anime fandom. How many times have people joked “Oh, you like the Disney dating sim?”/assumed that Twst is cringe? Can you talk to fans of traditional Disney about Twst? Twst may be somewhat niche in your immediate area. Chances are, you have to retreat to online avenues to find like-minded fans. In this way, Twst fans may feel isolated or not understood.

He does not like to talk about school because he doesn't have many people who understand him, perhaps due to his eccentricities. Again, this may not directly translate to all Twst fans, but rather it can be very relatable to those who lack social connections and seek to fulfill that through fandom or escaping into a fantasy world.

Skully is an otaku for Halloween. And what are we, as Twst fans, if not also otaku?

He looks mysterious but has excitable reactions. The behavior reminds me of someone who can be very sociable online or in special circumstances but might come off completely differently in real life or initially due to how their face looks and how they dress.

The strongest parallel, however, is the fact that he, like Yuu (again, the player self-insert character) ALSO gets isekai'd... into the world of The Nightmare Before Christmas. And what happens in this world that Skully gets isekai'd to? He... 1) meets lots of new people--people that don't know him in the "real" world, so he is free to act however he wants around them, maybe even befriend them, 2) gets to meet his Halloween idol, Jack-sama, 3) gets to be praised by his idol, and 4) (presumably) helps out his idol with putting together this year's Halloween. THESE LINE UP ALMOST EXACTLY WITH WHAT YUU DOES WHEN THEY'RE ISEKAI'D INTO TWISTED WONDERLAND... Yuu, who represents you, THE TWST FAN. You, as a Twst fan, 1) meet and potentially befriend these new characters (and maybe even explicitly made an OC to act however you like in your place as the one meeting these characters), 2) hone in on your favorite(s), 3/4) hyperfixate on the intimate voice lines and the moments you have with your favorite(s). It's total wish fulfillment for both Skully and the average Twst fan. In other words, Skully will get lost in living the fantasy that is literally being transported into the world of his Favorite Thing Ever, just like we, the Twst fans, escape to Twisted Wonderland. In the book/Twst, you can be yourself or whoever you want to be. But what happens when that peace and comfort is about to be taken away? Perhaps that's when Skully will snap 🤔 refusing to return to his old life, where he was awkward and misunderstood... wanting to stay in this endless Halloween night forever and ever. Maybe he even tries to prevent the NRC students from leaving too, since he has now formed a friendship (?) with them? Like, he's trying to keep them trapped in this fantasy of his (very Malleus-core of him, honestly). Then it would be up to us to try and knock some sense into Skully, reminding him that there are things in the "real" world to look forward to as well.

Looking back at previous Halloweens, the conflicts presented usually tie back to something relating to the Disney counterpart's own identities. For example, Frollo (in the stage version) lost his younger brother to sin and pinned the blame on an entire group of people. Rollo lost his younger brother to sin and now seeks to eliminate that sin (magic) from the world. Honest John and Gideon worked for a shady guy and lured away children, even though they themselves were terrified of what would become of those kids. Fellow and Gidel are similarly forced to do this dirty work because they are so impoverished they need the job, even if their boss disrespects them. I think my theory about what Skully's whole conflict will be could work from this angle too. The character he is twisted from, Jack Skellington, is known to be somewhat naive and an idealist. Jack pursues Christmas with all of his undead heart, sure that it will return the "spark" that Halloween has since lost. This could be reflected in Skully, our twisted!Jack, in his desire to pursue Halloween--or, more specifically, this novel world where his passion is reinforced and he has a place in it. He would be naive to the world he snubbed in favor of this new one, deeming this new world superior (like how Jack thought the "new" Christmas would enhance the "old" Halloween).

as3gro8yvq ;ngqemf; KJLBFIsIFSLFS ANYWAY, that's my game theory 🙂 Not sure if it'll actually be this, but figured I'd throw my guess out there since my previous "lmao Skully will kidnap Crowley" crack theory ended up being shot down...

[correctthroam]

I read THROAM for the first time in ~5 years. Here's what I have to say.

Volume I: There was so many characters I forgot about when going into the fic. Pete, Jac, Spencers family. I cant believe I forgot them. Pete will always be a fave because everyone hates him and it makes me laugh. The first volume was always my 2nd favorite, I think it still is. overall, the storyline isn't complicated and I like that. Ryan is such an asshole so I dont feel bad for him one bit in any of the fic. Also, I used to say that the bus crash was Brendons fault (I was 13, okay?) But Ryan was just an unstable motherfucker who truly should not be trusted to drive a vehicle of any kind.

Volume II: holy shit. I hate volume two. Not saying the writing is bad but Jesus Christ, Ryan is an asshole. bro literally stalked Brendon after he ran into him at that party like what? I had messaged a friend after finishing volume 2, saying "I'm a really nice person I never wanna make people feel sad, let alone make a whole fictional story about someone being severely depressed and unstable whilst chasing a boy then fucking his bf at the end???" and I think that perfectly sums up how I feel (and always felt) about volume two. other than the fact that I used to say that it was Brendons fault. (I was 13. THIRTEEN) it wasn't his fault. Some parts were, yeah, but it's hard to pinpoint everything that happened on one person. at the end of the day, its a good story I just Hate it (does that make sense) I love it but I hate it? it remains my least favorite purely for the pain it put me through.

Volume III: I love this volume. I always have. Sisky is amazing, we all love Sisky. I will say the iconic song/album references/jokes made me cringe a bit, though. Im not exactly sure what about this fic I always liked so much, I guess you can really see Ryans character growth and finally not be as much as a miserable fuck (he's still unstable dw) Since Ryan is less insufferable, it makes the volume more enjoyable. I like that Spencer and Ryan became friends again, I think it makes the book more enjoyable and tbh I think Spencer rly tied vol 3 together, if he wasn't part of it it would lowk suck. overall, best volume cant wait to host the throam tour where we go to hotel Chelsea then machias.

final thoughts: if I thought throam was 100% good when I was 13, Id say now that I think throam is about 85% good now. (does that make sense pt 2) this fic has sent me back into being 13 and I have been blasting some pretty. odd. (im listening to it rn as im typing this) and listening to this album just makes my life feel more simple. still a solid fic, I think it would be an amazing published book. and I think we can all agree that it would be amazing to see THROAM movies (in our dreams)

Thanks for reading lol

[aether-bun]

Hi there I was wondering if you could write some headcanons of the S/V Trio+carmin and kieran (and maybe the BB league if not then just the first two) meeting a gn or male reader who is poke-human hybrid(half incineroar) who was part of an experiment and was saved by their adopted mother

HEADCANON TIME

Anomaly (noun):

"Something different, abnormal, peculiar, or not easily classified; something anomalous."

"The legend of the hybrids is a story that has lived in Paldea longer than most. In an age long past, there was once a fearsome group of monstrous creatures; monsters that bore the forms of Incineroar, that spoke the dialect of humankind. They terrorised villages and destroyed homes, and were hunted down to what was thought to be their extinction. Some say they can still hear the horrifying screams of these abominations in caves and cliff edges to this day, but none who explore these rumours have ever come back..."

Characters (in order): Nemona, Arven, Kieran

The reader is referred to with he/him pronouns, but is otherwise kept ambiguous in terms of everything but the fact that he is VERY tall. This is purely platonic!!

[author's note at the end!]

NEMONA is the first to meet you.

I think she would meet you in the beach area we find Korai/Miraidon

It was by complete accident, she was walking around and exploring when she suddenly heard what sounded like human voices echoing from off the ledge, so she investigated, worried that someone was hurt.

What she didn't expect was to see a group of people, with arms that faded into red paws, legs that did the same, tails that swished around, a fiery belt around their waists and two red and black ears coming out of short, thick red hair!

You locked eyes, and both of you were very nervous immediately. She had so many questions! But by the time she could get her brain back together to formulate any sort of a sentence, you and your pride took off into the caves.

She doesn't see you again for a few months - she almost thinks she dreamt the whole day up - until she's exploring those exact caves in search of some houndour to catch.

She's overencumbered, of course, because suddenly their houndoom appears and they're all surrounding her and her pokemon, and she knows she's definitely screwed up

Suddenly, there's a loud, earth-shaking roar, as you emerge with your pack at the cave's only other exit. The pack of hounds flinch at your intimidating forms and flee, and you make sure they stay gone before cautiously helping this human off of the ground.

She's stunned. The rambler can't form a thought. You tower over her, and your form fills her head with so many questions that she's afraid her head will explode, but again, you're gone before she can even get them out.

So, she starts staying around the cave when she knows it's safe. She finally has the courage and the power to stop her brain from frying when she sees you, so she wants to get to know you. You see her, of course, from afar, but you don't go near her. The humans can't know.

Until she finds you anyway, and she tries to introduce herself.

You're cautious. This woman is half your height, you could literally crush her, but she's holding out her hand to you and telling you her name, as if that idea isn't looming above her like a vice. It is. She's very scared.

"....[Y/N]." You caution, shaking her hand as she beams. "So you can talk!?" She asks, making you cringe from her volume. "Yes?" You say.

From there, you grow to be unlikely friends. She swears she won't tell anyone who you are! She swears she won't let anyone know she's seen you - it'll be your little secret!

Yeah. Guess how long that lasted. Now take that guess and halve it. It took three days for her to crack and spill to Arven. Penny overheard by pure accident, too, and Nemona made them swear to not tell anyone.

"Didn't you also swear that?!" Arven had demanded. Nemona immediately changed the subject.

Finding two more humans in your den was irritating, but Nemona made you feel like you couldn't stay mad at her. This, in turn, made you even more frustrated.

Nemona likes to feel your fur and insists you're so soft that she feels like she can go to sleep on you. You deny her that leisure as soon as you can.

She likes learning about how you and your pack live, coexisting with other pokemon. You tell her it's an oddly isolating life; stuck between pokemon and human with no way of ever fitting into either category. It's why you live in this cave. It's safer here.

"Isn't it...lonely?"

"...yes. it is. but it's necessary for our survival as a pack."

Nemona feels very sorry for you, but makes up for it by always sneaking off to hang with you as much as she can.

You find you like the insight these new humans have, so you don't mind their stay.

ARVEN is very intimidated when he meets you.

For a researcher, you would've thought Nemona's story about Pokehumans would be completely blasphemous to him.

You would be wrong.

He believed her instantly, without so much as a photo of proof. It was Penny who managed to get him to realise how off that sounded.

The three of them took to researching anything about these supposed hybrids that they could. Arven was the one to find the old folkstory. It scared him.

"Nemona, you can't go back there. Look at this! These things are obviously just trying to kill you!"

Nemona is VERY quick to jump to your defense. "Arven! He saved me from those houndour and houndoom I was trying to fight! He saw that I could've been hurt and he stepped in and saved me!"

Penny remarked the unusual behaviour.

Arven wasn't buying your charity act.

"Until I see proof that these things exist, let alone are docile, I'm not believing a word." He crossed his arms.

"Great, come meet them then!"

"What?!"

And thus, Nemona and Arven set off while Penny did more research into the beings.

When your new human friend arrives to your spot in the cave, you see she's dragging along with her a blond haired man. This sets you on edge, and unfortunately, you and your pack immediately rising to defend your home gives off a bad first impression.

Arven tries to pull Nemona away, to escape, to fight back, to hide, to do anything but stand there and try to reason with them Nemona please for the love of Arceus let's GO

Nemona apologises to you for accidentally spilling your secret and it takes quite a while for you to tell your pack to stand down. You come to face them, and Arven stares at you with unhidden horror. You huff. He flinches with a whimper.

"[Y/N], this is Arven. Arven, this is [Y/N]. He leads the pack." Nemona's voice is steady but it's easy to see she's nervous. You can basically smell the fear on them.

It takes an even longer while for Arven to calm down enough to look at you properly. Multiple visits, where you aren't alone together, and then he eventually realises you don't pose a threat unless he does, which, to be fair, in your eyes he never did.

(you're pretty sure you could blink and he'd disintegrate. you don't say this, for fear that the idea will have the same effect.)

Eventually, you warm up to him and his Mabostiff companion, and he warms up to you enough to be alone with you and the pack.

He sews up some of your clothes, noticing the wear and tear of them. Like most of your interactions, it takes a while for you to let him, but once you do, he acknowledges the trust you have in him and is very careful.

Before long, he becomes your medic too. He teaches you about these wonderful things called sandwiches that you have in these events deemed picnics, and in turn he notes your behaviours and temperaments.

It's a mutually beneficial relationship. You trust him and he trusts you. He becomes your second "friend".

[For this next segment, I am going to say that the preface is that Carmine and Kieran are looking into urban legends around Paldea and they come across the one about your pack. This next section is assuming Nemona, Arven and Penny either never found you, or found you later. Consider this the other path in the road if you will! :)]

KIERAN meets you in the plateaued mountains of Paldea, on a mission to prove you're real.

In hindsight, the circumstances could've been better.

He'd been injured on the mountains by a rogue Zigzagoon, and he was currently trying to call for help.

No, as in, he was yelling 'Help'. He's a kid without a phone, man.

You hear his cries and, against your better judgement, you command the pack to hide and look for the voice yourself.

Lo and behold, you find a small boy, no older than a kit, and he's bleeding around his leg. A Dipplin and a Grigar are looking on in concern for their trainer, and, though weakened, they jump to defend when they see you approach.

Alerted by the sounds of his pokemon amping to attack, he looks and he sees you, the terrifying hybrid creature he'd read about in tales of old.

In those tales, this was the part where he became a fatality.

He was paralysed with fear, the pain of his leg long forgotten as he stared up at you.

Death never came. Instead, you kneeled and spoke to the offensive Pokemon. Just like the stories, you spoke perfectly human. Your voice was gravelly and rough, but completely comprehensible.

"He needs assistance."

The Pokemon spoke back to you. You seemed to dislike their answer.

"I do not wish to hurt him. If you want that wound to get worse, then I'll leave. But if you want that kit to keep that leg of his, I can help."

Kieran's Pokemon looked back at his trembling form, before resigning to a nod. You turned your gaze to focus on the boy, who seemed to be on the verge of a heart attack.

"I can help you, young one."

He shook his head.

"Your leg. It is bleeding."

Hating the way his words failed him, he slowly nodded.

"If you do not let me help you, that will hurt more and it will get worse. You cannot get to a Pokemon Centre from here by yourself. Allow me to help you."

Grigar and Dipplin had returned to his side and offered their concerned support once again. Soothed very slightly by his Pokemon, Kieran swallowed the lump in his throat and slowly, he nodded.

You were careful with the kit. You took him first to your pack and used some natural resources to bandage the wound and stop the bleeding. You crafted a stilt to keep his leg from moving with some wooden crutches, and then you left him near the edge of the woods, near a centre, where his Pokemon could then aid him in getting him the rest of the way.

In that time, he'd asked you some questions.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Centuries."

"And...you don't ever get seen?"

"We do. Most of your kind is violent first without thinking. That lack of trust almost made me not help you. But to go as low as those who cross that line would be to prove them right."

"So...you helped me to prove them wrong?"

"No, young one. I helped you because it's the right thing to do, and you are only small."

He was tended to quickly when he was seen by his own kind. Questions were thrown at him without even so much as the minute it took to sit him down. "Who bandaged this? Where did you learn to make these crutches? How did you get back down here without encountering any more trouble?"

He looked back at where he could faintly see your outline. You were watching him to make sure he was safe.

"...I just did." He said, refusing to elaborate.

With a nod, you disappeared into the woods, and the boy never saw you again. He didn't need to. He had all the proof he needed, and it'd stay with him for the rest of his life.

He could feel you watching him sometimes, when he was exploring the plateau with his sister. But he never really saw more than a flickering trail of embers or a rogue tail swishing as you undoubtedly left for your pack.

Your protection made him smile.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Okay so first and foremost, where are Penny and Carmine??

To be completely honest, I didn't know how to write either of them in this situation! I felt that Penny would be much like a diluted version of Arven, and that Carmine would be almost identical to Nemona, and maybe it's just my brain but I couldn't figure how to articulate that. So my sincerest apologies for that.

Otherwise, I hope that this was a nice little read! I liked the idea of trying to figure out how to hybrid an incineroar with a human, and I found a lot more trouble in it than I initially thought I would!

Thank you so much for this request, it was a real mind boggler to be honest, but incredibly fun nonetheless.

Send me your requests in my inbox! Otherwise, ciao for now ♡

[vote-gaara]

What are some of the cringiest things he's said

Y'know, I love Gaara so much. If he were real, I'd take a bullet for him - go to war for him, even. For him I have literally delved into the darkest depths of hyper-fixation and character worship that is definitely not normal, nor healthy.

And y'know what I discovered?

To truly appreciate a character to their very core is to look at them as a complex individual with both horrible flaws and outstanding feats.

And so I ask that you join me in absolutely lampooning Gaara for the benefit of character analysis, because although we love him dearly, he has said and done some truly cringe things that I, for one, love him for. So let's gooooo...

Cringiest things Gaara has ever said:

So before I really get into this, I gotta say that all of these things (except for one) have come from chunin Gaara. Now don't get me wrong, when I first read this series, I didn't think Gaara was cringe at all; in fact, I thought that his character "went hard" as the kids say these days (if they do say that), but as I've matured, and Gaara's character developed, I can look back at those early days and be like "oh...yikes....that was definitely a little cringe-worthy!" EVEN THOUGH when I was a teenager, I was thinking the exact opposite.

"It annoys me you'd lose control in a quarrel with children" and "You're a disgrace to our village" - Chapter 35 Okay, so this isn't really that cringe on the surface level, and it isn't cringy when Gaara is first introduced. In fact, Gaara seems kinda noble (though scary) here because he is stopping Kankuro from wailing on some kids he just met...But...In the context of who Gaara is, this is really cringy because it's so hypocritical of him, which almost makes it kinda depressing, too. It's clear that Gaara is labelling Kankuro a "disgrace to our village" even though it's Gaara who is carrying that burden because of how Suna sees him...Definitively a bit of sad projection on Gaara's part. Which, speaking about "losing control in a quarrel with children" Gaara literally becomes unhinged and blows an entire operation by "losing to a quarrel" soooooo... Also....Gaara...you're 12, and referring to children as if they aren't only like 5 years younger than you is a little funny (but kinda sweet too).

Any instance of "shut up or I'll kill you" directed at Kankuro Cringy because if you have siblings, you get it. You can say some mean things to your brothers and sisters while growing up together, especially over really dumb stuff, and then when you all mature and get older, you turn around and (hopefully) laugh about it later. Again this isn't really cringy in the moment, but definitely a little cringe when you know how the story plays out and the two brothers become BFFs. Also Gaara never acted on these threats, he was just doing it to bully Kankuro, which made a weird dynamic where Kankuro was both terrified of Gaara but also willing to still do and say stuff that always made Gaara threaten him. They're just both a bunch of squabblers, honestly.

"Bitter crimson tears flow from life-less eyes..." -Chapter 58/59 Not the whole quote, but man when I was a teenager, I though this was soo deep and cool. However, now I read that and it's just like: "awww....he wrote a...poem, I guess."

All of chapter 97 Where he's explaining to Shikamaru and Naruto a bit of his backstory while he's attempting to kill Lee at the hospital. This really isn't cringe in the generic "second hand embarrassment" way but more cringe as in wincing at something that makes you so empathetic that you have to shake it off. You can really tell in this chapter how hurt Gaara is, and how much self-hatred he holds for himself. I mean, even reading the chapter now you can tell how much in bothered him that he "took the like of a woman he would have called mother." He references it so many times and it just breaks my heart how much he loved and cared about Karura, even when he was lost. Then him talking about "needing a reason to live or he may as well be dead" just shows that he thinks of himself as a failure because he wasn't able to be the perfect military weapon for his terrible father. Just ugh...UGH! Kills me.

"To verify my existence" - Chapter 99 He says this to Baki when Baki asks him where he thinks he's going, and the statement just gives off hilarious "moody teenager" vibes.

When Gaara is spying on Sasuke during the Chunin exams (I forget what chapter) Essentially Gaara and Sasuke are having this really intense conversation about having a fight to the death over who can be the saddest person, when Kakashi is just like "wait, you're talking about some type of fight to the death???" I don't know... but Kakashi's line always cracks me up because one minute he's training Sasuke, and the next minute he's spectating two 12 year old boys swearing their life long rivalry and how much they want to kill each other, and I can just imagine Kakashi is thinking "why are all the children I know like this???".

Also, when Gaara is fighting Sasuke in the arena and he's being manipulated by Shukaku, he says some pretty cringy things, but he gets a pass cause it wasn't his fault.

Oh, and I don't think this is cringy, but Temari thought it was pretty bone-headed when Gaara asked "what are your hobbies?" to the woman he was supposed to marry in Gaara Hiden.

I didn't find that cringe, though. Just adorable.

Thanks for the question! I'm actually glad Gaara started off saying some pretty wild things, because it really show cases just how far he's come, and his growth and resilience is honestly what makes me love him so much.

[itslenagain]

How did I figure out I was a lesbian at 27?

Hi I'm high on cold medicine & I've had people ask me before how I figured out that I am a lesbian vs bi/pan sooo here is a long post on my journey & how I figured out I'm not actually into men!

I started out by establishing these very basic facts:

While I have had serious relationships with men, there was always an underlying feeling of discomfort surrounding those relationships that I struggled to identify

While (at that time) I had not had a serious relationship with a woman, I found that I did not feel that discomfort during past romantic and sexual encounters with women

I have always felt romantic and sexual attraction towards women (though I am definitely ace-spec, which I will discuss further below), but don't really experience those attractions towards men

I have significant relationship trauma related to previous relationships with men, and also significant childhood trauma. TRAUMA/MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CAUSE OF QUEERNESS! But, it was important for me to address this in my specific situation (will discuss in more detail below)

Once I had established the facts, I started to analyze a little further. One thing that was helpful for me to learn about comphet and to understand the role it played in how I viewed romantic relationships. If you've found this post because you are questioning and you're unsure about what comphet is or what it means, this article explains how comphet is taught throughout childhood and the potential consequences it may have on queer teens and adults.

Which leads us to,

Part 1: Understanding my Tragic Backstory™️

I, unfortunately like many other queer people, was raised in a very cisheteronormative home where my parents were openly transphobic and, while slightly quieter about it, homophobic. When my parents talked to me about my future, their idea of my future absolutely included me finding a man and having his children. It was almost unthinkable for them to imagine I could have any other goal in life. That was how they were raised, and in turn, that's how they raised me. I often felt like I was fighting for their approval.

I knew from my early teens that I liked girls.

(It would take me until my mid-20's to figure out that I am non-binary but that's a story for another post)

For my 13th birthday party, my friends and I rode a limo to go to see the Twilight movie in theaters, since we all were obsessed with the books. My friends were arguing over whether Edward or Jacob would be the better kisser (don't act like you weren't cringe at 13) and the whole time I could not imagine myself kissing literally any of the men in that movie. Now, Rosalie? Oh my GOD I wanted her to step on me. Alice? Please, climb on top of me and do my eyeliner. I shipped Bella and Alice, but also Bella and Bree, because of course I did. 🐀✨️

At that time in my life, I also would regularly attend Catholic mass every Sunday with my neighbor. She was like a grandmother to me, she was one of my safe spaces away from my parents. I looked up to her. We would drink coffee at her kitchen table and chat about school and about life. She taught me how to crochet. We both loved to sing and would sit in the front row together so we could be close to the piano at church. I didn't know she had any kids of her own until she told me about her daughter. She would talk about her in a way that you could tell it pained her. She told me how her daughter made a decision that disappointed her, how she prayed every Sunday that she would see the light and come back to the church.

The decision her daughter made? Marrying a woman.

So despite knowing and recognizing that I was attracted to women, knowing that not only my parents, but also this person who at the time I seriously looked up to, would likely not be accepting of me dating women, I felt like I had to hide. It also made me believe that maybe I *was* attracted to men, I just hadn't met the right one yet. Yes, I even told everyone I was Team Edward.

When I was 14, I ended up in a 3 month relationship with someone who at the time identified as a girl (has since figured out he's a trans guy) and felt ready to talk to my parents. I planned to come out to them as bisexual. They were NOT okay with this. Mom said that bisexual doesn't exist (booo) and that I wasn't allowed to be a lesbian because women could never possibly have happy relationships with each other (she does not have any long-term female friendships) and she didn't want me to have a "miserable life" (I feel sad for anyone who is miserable around women tbh).

Cue the part where I decided to try dating a man to see what it was like and ended up in a sexually and emotionally abusive relationship! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue parents telling me that I can't base my sexuality on one bad experience! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue my neighbor telling me God was preparing a man for me and I just had to be patient and trust in the Lord to find him! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue therapists who told me I probably felt uncomfortable around men because I was traumatized and I'd eventually get over it! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue friends, family, and random strangers telling me it's okay and it's "not all men" and one day I'd find the perfect man who would "fix my broken heart!" ✨️🎉��

So you can see how I became confused by all of this! Part of me wanted to believe that I *could* still be attracted to men, that I *could* have a healthy relationship with one, and anytime I had doubts, I'd basically end up gaslighting myself and blaming my trauma.

Which brings us to,

Part 2: Maybe I *did* just need to meet the right man?

I did not have any positive male role models growing up. My parents' marriage was, to put it mildly, not great. It's a common thing in media to see men and women in relationships that don't even really seem to like each other! Comedians make a killing off of the "old ball & chain" type jokes. Straight people often speak of their spouses as if they're an annoyance.

So when you consider all of that, how the hell was I supposed to know what I am supposed to feel towards men?

I could talk for hours about all the negative experiences I've had with men, but when analyzing my feelings, I decided to zoom in on what was probably the healthiest relationship I've ever had with a man. I felt like that was the less biased lens to view my feelings towards men through, despite it ending in a not-so-great way.

Junior year of high school, I met a man through a mutual friend who thought we'd make a cute couple. He made me feel... less uncomfortable than most other men did. So romantic, I know. I was not attracted to him, but he was someone who I would say was definitely conventionally attractive. I wanted to give it a shot, so we started spending more time together, at first just talking in the hallway or during lunch, to eventually seeing each other outside of school.

As he and I began to open up to each other more, we discovered that we both had sexual trauma. I felt that he understood me on a level that a lot of people did not understand me at that point in my life. He said he felt that way about me, too. We formed a connection over it, and for a while, he became my safe space. We were together for almost 2 years. I honestly believe that the attention and care that he treated me with when it came to sex, when it came to our relationship, and my history, that all helped me heal parts of my trauma. I don't think I could be comfortable with sex in the way I am today without having had that safe environment he created for me. I think I would not be as comfortable in relationships as I am if it were not for him.

I still wanted to believe I was capable of being attracted to men, so I hoped that maybe with time, with him, it would happen.

It did not.

Even though I was comfortable spending time with him, and comfortable having sex with him, it still all felt a little off to me, and I couldn't understand why. It felt like there was something missing. Things were really good with us for probably the first year and a half, but got ugly towards the end. I was struggling with things inside myself and took it out on him. He cheated on me. It hurt a lot at the time, but I made my peace with it. I forgive him. I hope he forgives me.

But, the point here is, that even with a man who was seemingly "the right man," I still did not experience romantic or sexual attraction, just an emotional connection.

So then I thought,

Part 3: Well, maybe I'm just ace?

I've always had fewer crushes than my friends. They would just call me picky. I don't think being picky is a bad thing! But when I started thinking about this in terms of my romantic and sexual orientation, I started to wonder if maybe it was because I did not fall on the same end of the spectrum as they did.

Asexuality is a wide spectrum that encompasses people who don't experience sexual attraction in the way allosexual people do. There are Ace people who are completely repulsed by the idea of sex, there are Ace people who feel indifferent about it, there are Ace people who feel other types of attractions but maybe not sexual attraction, there's demisexual and graysexual and all the orientations that fall under that umbrella.

I am someone who loves sex. It's fun, it's creative. It can be casual, or it can be a way you connect yourself to another person on another level. On the other hand, I also don't think sex is 100% necessary in order to have a healthy long-term romantic relationship, and my sex drive in general is on the low side.

Through exploration, I've discovered that it's almost impossible for me to feel sexually attracted to a person that I don't have some sort of existing connection with. This probably puts me somewhere on the demisexual spectrum. However, because I have been able to form celebrity crushes (though very rare) I tend to identify myself as graysexual. The things that make me sexually attracted to someone are inconsistent. I don't really have a "type."

It took me a looong time to work out the difference between "I want sex and this person is available" and "this person specifically is who I am interested in having sex with." They sound similar! It was easy for me to confuse the two! The more that I evaluated these feelings and worked through them, I was able to fully recognize the difference; all of my sexual encounters with men fell into that first category, most of my sexual encounters with women fell into the second.

I am a person who enjoys sex, and I *can* have sex with men, but it's not really because I *want* to have sex with men. This was a very awkward discovery to make at 26 when I had been married to a man for several years. However, it helped me understand some of the dynamics of that relationship (as well as past ones) and was the gateway to me wanting to further my understanding of my sexuality.

Which got me thinking,

Part 4: What makes me want to date a person, anyways?

By the time I was thinking about this part of the question, I was about to turn 27, married to a man, we had 2 kids, I had just come out as non-binary. My husband was an okay man. We had plenty of ups and downs, just like anyone. Realizing that I wasn't sexually attracted to him was definitely rough, but I still believed that the more I thought it out and worked on myself, I'd realize that everything was okay afterall and we'd survive my minor identity crisis.

(We did not. The divorce was finalized last month.)

When I met my ex-husband, I was 19 years old and wanting desperately to get away from my family. It was an incredibly turbulent time in my life. He was 26 (I know, I'm grossed out by it now, too) and finishing up college. We worked together. The flirting started almost immediately. I liked the attention. We started dating, and 6 months in, he proposed. We got married on our 1 year dating anniversary. I still had that weird feeling that something was off, but I blamed myself and just assumed it would get better. Just for a little backstory there. I am the literal definition of "don't date a man when you're 19"

I started really thinking about the things that made me interested in dating someone. I'd never really thought much about it before. I sat down and made a chart of all of my past relationships (and even some crushes) and wrote down the things that made me want to date that person. I literally cried reading it. Full-on existential crisis. There was such a stark contrast between the things that made me want to date women vs the things that made me want to date men.

Some of the common themes when it came to my crushes/relationships with women:

Being around her makes me happy

I spend all day and all night thinking about her

She's thoughtful, I love her mind, etc

We have some common interests

She's beautiful, I could stare at her all day, I'm attracted to her, etc

She makes me want to do (insert romantic thing here)

I can imagine a future for us & it makes me want to be alive so we can have it

Sounds pretty cute, right? Like, that's what a crush should feel like! When I think about dating women, it just makes me feel so warm and I want to give her the world.

Some common themes when it came to relationships with men:

I was tired of being lonely

There was something he could provide for me that I needed (ie emotional support, attention, money etc)

Other people thought it was a good idea so I wanted to try it

He asked me out

He seems nice

Umm. Wow. Yeah. You get my point here? Note that when I tried to think of any men I had a crush on, I couldn't think of any other than Gordon Ramsey (listen I like food and I feel like that man could eat pussy like a pro)

The more I analyzed my relationships with men, the more I realized that there were a lot of.... transactional elements? Like. Yes, I can do romance with this man, as long as he pays the bills... yes, I can do sex with this man, as long as I am completely in charge of everything... whereas with women, it's not conditional. It's not "I can make myself do this for her," it's "I want to do this for her."

For a long time, I believed this was normal. But in the past few years, I've seen couples who are actually happy with each other, people in nice, stable relationships, people who love each other unconditionally, and I just thought, oh my God, *that's* what is missing for me. That's why my relationships feel off. I just kept putting myself into relationships I was not happy with or did not want.

Now I'm 29, I'm divorced, I'm out to everyone (including my family - mom has calmed down a bit, dad is still weird about it) and I am very happy with my girlfriend! I still have a long way to go in terms of healing and really fully understanding myself, but I feel like I've made so many big steps forward on that front.

Part 5: But what if you're wrong?

That's the thing - it's possible I'm wrong. Maybe I am indeed bisexual. Maybe I actually do like men, I'm just not as healed from my trauma as I think I am. Yeah, it's possible, I guess.

There's one thing I know for sure that I'm definitely not wrong about - I am gay as fuck for girls. I love women. Being around women makes me want to be alive. Being around women makes my heart feel whole. I honestly cannot for the life of me imagine myself ever dating a man again.

We all have that voice in our head that makes us doubt, that makes us feel like an imposter, that makes us think we aren't worthy. For a long time, that voice has been telling me that I am not good enough to be loved and I don't deserve to be happy. It's still there, it still tells me that sometimes. You know what though? I'm kicking its ass right now. I look at how far I've come in the past few years and I say "I have spent too long hating myself. I have spent too long trying to shove myself into boxes I don't belong in."

I am finally in a place in my life where I feel like happiness is within reach, and I'm going to keep reaching for it.

I am a lesbian. I am proud of that.

Part 6: Conclusions

I am gay as fuck for women

I love my girlfriend

You can evaluate your life at any time. It's never too late to figure out who you are.

Don't try to put yourself into a box you don't belong in to please other people

It took me 14 years to figure out what I actually wanted even though I already kinda knew. Be kind to yourself if it takes a while for you to figure it out. There's no rush

If you're here because you're questioning, I love you, you've got a friend in me, you are worthy of happiness and love, please don't settle for less

This post is brought to you by Mucinex & Sudafed brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[ramennoodlezzzao3]

nobody asked me to answer, but I’m gonna anyways 😝

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats 

Idk how to do that lol

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I couldn’t find any fics that I wanted bc I’m too specific, so I started writing. It was purely for fun and I wasn’t fully thinking about the fact that people might actually read it AND enjoy it lol

  🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

me and some of my moots from TikTok created this playlist lol (it’s, like, 14 hours long)

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? Idk what that means but ima go off of what I’m thinking and that is just editing while proof reading and I enjoy it! 10/10

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🙏👉😁🔥💀 (no, it’s not abt the burning church 💀🙏)

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

I’m new here, I have no EXTREMELY close moots so idk. But @paul-ster seems pretty chill so probably them (

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

I HAVE SO MANY I LOVE! But if I had to choose rn Soracha for the author and “Ron Weasley and His First Year at Hogwarts” by snoopy_owl. Two of my favs!

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now? 

none, believe it or not. I constantly check it for ao3 updates. But I also have three separate yt accounts so I get regular emails abt comments and updates and I normally check them everyday. The only exception is one email I use for spam sites like grammarly, that email has 408 unread emails.

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@fictionalcharactergraveyard

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

ooo, neither tbh. Unless its a one-shot or a mini fic where I add a S/O or like my unpublished Uber fic where I had to add several OG characters, I don’t like adding new ones bc I think it disrupts the story a lot and I normally don’t read fics when people do that. And personally, unless it’s the ones that are supposed to be halrious and satire, I think self-inserts are kinda cringey bc most people who write them over-sexulize the characters and add weird stuff in that makes me cringe (key word: MOST not ALL) but also I just cant imagine myself dating someone let alone my comfort characters.

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

I don’t think I have any

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

I just can’t get into the writing mood. But when I start it’s really hard to stop

  🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

PURLY! I love to think Curly calls pony “Mi Amor” or like calls him pet names in Spanish. I think it’s really cute

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

literally don’t be fake as hell. Don’t be all shy and sweet like, if you are comeback or Yapping king/queen then tell me bc we can yap together. Like, If I can call you Pookie within the first four interactions, we are besties, considered us married at that point

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

I’m redecorating my room, I got a new puppy, and- wait, bitch, who gives a fuck, let’s be honest 💀🙏

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

can’t say bc it’s an unpublished chapter of a on going fic 😝

  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Harry Potter is kinda an ass

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I don’t write anything too bizarre so I can’t think of anything

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

strive to accomplish what you set as a goal, not what society set as a standard or a must

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

My comfort character gets ignored hard core, makes new friends, get into shenanigans, and then a lot of angst ensues. Who would write it best? Mmm…Fictionalcharacter graveyard or Soracha

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

if you have a scene you want to write for a fic, start writing it but ONLY WRITE THE DIALOGUE. You can add who said it but I do it all the time and it gives me new ideas and gradually helps me continue a fic. It’s also easier to add detail in between when you are focused on that instead of getting to the next dialogue scene.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

Nick Sturniolos iconic “Then he will taste the rainbow while he goes out”

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

“I LOVE THIS, I CAN’T WAIT FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER!” Then they go on an entire yap session about how they think the fic will turn out or parts they’re excited for. It always makes me happy to see someone enjoy my hobby as much as I do even though we have different perspectives 🤭

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

Alr, ik im gonna get backlash but i cant stand Cherry Valence. 1. I will give it to her, she’s a downright badass.

2. her hair is really pretty

3. She was nice to pony at the drive in, I’ll give her some points (still don’t like her too much tho)

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

Not much. Okay, this is gonna sound so fricking clique but that last lie I told was “Yeah, I’m fine, just tired” even though I know damn well I’m probably depressed asf

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I have only older siblings and every time one moves out, I stop talking to them so I don’t become the annoying youngest sister, so I’m afraid their gonna forget about me, and they probably will. I only have two siblings that still live with me so that’s only two more people left to forget me before I’m totally alone lol. (Depressed, see?)

  🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

book writers that can describe really well.

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing

I think I’m too impatient and give myself an unrealistic deadline for stuff

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

I like them a lot!

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

I’ll add that later lol

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

it was a name my family wouldn’t be able to find. I’m embarrassed to write bc my family LOVES to pick out your insecurities and hobbies and never let you live them down.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

again, I’m new here, so nobody here is my “supporter” but @shae-pine has liked all of my posts so ig them? I got to say, that “The Youngest (The Favorite)” fic I really liked! Ur also just the sweetest person ever! 😭🫶🏻

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

I have 7 (I had 8 but my cat passed away yesterday, RIP in the comments for Sophie 🩵)

I won’t post pics because that’s a large file 😭🙏

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

I DONT HAVE THE LINK BUT I LOVE THIS

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

self insert, too much OOC scenes, pairings I don’t like, oc’s/characters unless it’s the character I’m reading abt, pure smut or p*rn, over sexulization or romanticizing R*pe, over detailed non-con, specific characters are dead, and the fic doesn’t focus on a character that I wanna read about.

[galaxae]

if youre still doing the ocverse ask game, 3 and 19? 🥺

ougghhh i so totally still am. i'm mainly fixated on my stupid ass video game idea (working title is gods don't bleed but i want to change it bc it doesn't fit as well anymore)

forgive me if this is incoherent, my boyfriend dislocated his knee so i have to care for him, and work has been terrible and burned me out, so i'm definitely leaving some stuff out of my answers :(, but whatever!!

3.) any recurring images/elements?

absolutely yes. lots of imagery of plants and animals, for one. fire vs. ice too, yes i know it's a very commonly used trope but i like playing around with those two things, especially when i get to kinda subvert expectations with them. similarly with light vs. dark. and also colors vs black and white, both in terms of morality and in terms of actual visuals

19.) describe the sillies you think about but that dont go in the story.

in my mind, charity and fabian (the first two playable characters, and close friends) are exes. it's probably not going to be canonized, but it's also not going to be explicitly denied, so...

their first date was incredibly awkward, by the way. fabian was an ignorant rich kid who loved to pry and stick his nose in others' business and not let up until he knew everything about a situation, while charity was freshly in the "my mom and i were homeless, got taken in by a man, and then that man turned out to be very very bad so we had to flee the state and come to this small piece of shit town where no one realizes how privileged they are, and this all sucks, and i don't want to talk about it" mindset. they were also both 14-15 which is the worst age to be. they broke up so fast after this but now they've got a really solid friendship going a few years later, and charity has a different (cooler) partner

also, so many silly bits of dialogue that... i'm not sure they'll go into the game at all, or if they do, whether they'll just be optional bits. but some favorites include (formatted sorta like they would be in my script document):

KIMBERLY: Oh, hey, Fabián, you're in French 2 with me next semester. JAMAL: Wh... what? People actually take French? I thought that was a myth. FABIÁN: Well, I already know Spanish since everyone on my mom's side and, like, half of my dad's side speaks it. So I thought taking Spanish would be way too easy. CHARITY: You stupid son of a bitch. That's exactly why you should take Spanish.

ACE: Holy shit, I just got stung by a bee! FABIÁN: Are you ok??? Ace pulls the stinger out of their face ACE: LOOK! It's still pumping venom! That's so cool! CHARITY: What the fuck is wrong with you? ACE: What's wrong with you? Lookit!

JAMAL: Hey. Kimbie. KIMBERLY: Don't call me that, please. What is it? JAMAL: Spell ICUP. KIMBERLY: "ICUP?" JAMAL: Spell it. KIMBERLY: That's not a real word. Fake words don't have spellings. JAMAL: Can you at least try? KIMBERLY: Oh. Wait. I see. I-K-U-P. JAMAL: ... KIMBERLY: Does that suffice? Jamal looks as though he's about to cry. [Later that same day] JAMAL: Hey, uh, hey Kimbi-- Kimberly. Is it just me, or is your outfit kind of, uh, "updog?" KIMBERLY: What? JAMAL: Your outfit's kind of "updog." KIMBERLY: What does "updog" mean? JAMAL: ........Can you........... rephrase that, please? KIMBERLY: ? No. JAMAL: :/

also, there's a period of time when kimberly is in 9th grade where she gets really intensely into astrology. specifically so that she can Know A Lot About A Thing that other people don't know as much about. she'll see someone doing something, walk up to them and be like "what are you, an aries venus?" and when they don't understand the reference she'll be like "never mind :)" and feel smart. she no longer does this in the game because she realizes that's so cringe. and she has OTHER science to do, dammit!! (like proving the Weird Kid at school is a literal alien)

another fun fact: kimberly (resident genius) and jamal (who does not give a shit about academics) play chess together one time and jamal wins because kimberly is so perplexed by his newbie moves that she doesn't know how to respond to them.

oh... i didnt realize i had this many sillies... cool :)

yall are encouraged to send more asks if you want i love these blorbos

[mememanufactorum]

Things I've said to my friends out of context (July 2023 edition)

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED.

Stop tiptoeing your fucking death.

I see someone else has played Project Wingman.

Get your Taco Bell orchestrion roll.

I already know the smart thing to do in this situation, but when you're both enforcing it on me like this, it makes me want to buy it out of spite.

It'll just make my bank angrier, that's all.

Don't you flimflam me here, fucker.

HOW MANY LAYERS OF NEGATIVES ARE YOU GONNA BE ON?

HEY YOU WANNA SHOOT SOME OUTER GODS?

Have we just been Mandela Effecting ourselves this entire time into thinking that [name] was ever smart?

But there's a lot of little factors that probably wouldn't end up killing things that are already basically dead.

Dogs don't tend to like fireworks.

He wanted the magic fire stick.

I have TWO legs.

Where's the part where God sends down legally distinct Godzilla?

God wants to pick a fight with the human race? We're going to shoot God.

We don't quite have the power of God and anime on our side, but we do have the power of anime and a ridiculous defense budget.

One guy manages to survive and put out his own fire by RAPIDLY SPINNING on the ground.

Sure hope he found out he can punch his own shotgun blasts.

You know the funny thing? I wasn't about to yell at [name].

Man goes "Who the hell is Story of the Year?" I felt personally attacked.

I learned to claw and I liked it.

Just don't stare at the mirror, that way you don't have to worry about the mirror demons.

Whatever you do, don't look up Tallgeese Flugel.

Everything exists so [name] and [name] can slam and jam.

So I have finally found something that made me experience cringe overload for the first time in years.

I feel like I got gut-punched.

How the fuck did you make it through 90% of this game without ever using items?

You know how my ass has consistently played Pokemon since I was a kid? Pick my starter, literally use nothing but my starter, Unga Bunga my way through 100% of the game. Wing bang boom done.

Thank God we don't actually live in Armored Core timeline shenanigans, because something like this would probably result in war crimes between corporate mercenaries using mechs.

Missile launcher: Not actually a missile launcher. Just fires non-explosive, pointy, metal rods.

I also have food, you're not so special.

It wasn't just that I walked into a web, it's that fucking spooders kept shooting webs at me.

That's super fucking rude of you.

Fuck it. Take me, YHVH.

I'll blare Ace of Spades by Motorhead the whole time while we're on the freeway and the whole trip will take less than 2 hours.

Drop the bomb on me, [name]. I'm ready.

But if the dog comes to me and refuses to leave me, I have no choice but to give the affection.

I want to go back to the times where I could shitpost openly again.

Bad cosplay. He still has two arms.

So [name] is about to get BAJA BLASTED for once.

I am not sure what to say other than the fact that this sounds like an intricately layered shitcake.

Surely you would not mix and match M&M's and Skittles together, right?

You're both fucking creatures.

You fucking nondescript entity, beyond a creature at this point.

So I reserve the right to sit back and heckle from my heckler box.

I bet you ate it like a squirrel.

[musicallisto]

hello fellow academically-minded-(at-what-cost?)-bestie <3

i'll have you know i have been thinking about you all week (and have been haunted by the fact that i haven't updated our dawnfair au in what feels like an age - i have an explanation i will quickly detail here: i quite literally DELETED THE FILE THAT HAD A COMPLETE 5K HEADCANON SET ABOUT YOU AND BENEDICT'S HAPPY ENDING AND I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SALVAGE IT BUT I JUST THINK IT'S GONE, GIRLIE, AND SO I'M SCRAMBLING TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER THE ICONIC ENDING BUT IT'S HARD FOR LITERALLY ZERO (0) REASON LIKE????). anyway, heh, amid the chaos i was struck with a Thought™ that is simply brainrot worthy. lindsay knows what i'm talking about, and so will you,,,,, in approximately 14-21 business days.

in the meantime, to fully indulge the itch at the back of my mind that is threatening to evolve into a deafening scream, i have some very specfic questions to ask you (and a few others, but if you see their answers, i'd suggest ignoring them for maximum lols on another day).

what is your favorite food?

favorite color?

favorite song(s)?

favorite tv show/movie?

favorite book genre?

favorite hobby?

do you have any random habits?

what is your love language (when it comes to giving and receiving)?

what is one thing that you think you’re just incredibly amazing at? (the more random the better, asdfghjklkjhgfd)

what is one thing we should never entrust you to do/complete?

what languages do you speak/understand? are you currently learning any?

what is your ideal type when it comes to a romantic partner?

if you were getting a small tattoo (and I mean babie size) where would you get it?

is there anything simply iconic about you that you think the public ought to know?

bestie beloved babe!!!!! seeing you around here is like seeing the sun after an eternal downpour. like a brief lull in the proverbial Flood, if you will. thank you for distracting me from the throes of academic hell and boy trouble (rest assured i will tell you all about it once I've safely reached the other side <3)

but asjbqsjbqbjfej, the dawnfair au!!!!!! not a day goes by where I do not think about the unprecedented bliss this funky little story brings me. I'll be awaiting your next installment with bated breath, but don't overwork yourself!!! I can wait & I know that whatever you write will be amazing and kill me regardless. also,,, I feel you, olive. I’ve accidentally deleted WAY too many stories and stared in anguish at my computer screen willing the document to just magically reappear. i’m with you through these trying times </3

as for your secret project!! i am very intrigued, to say the least, so I will play along and answer but I'm keeping an attentive eye on tumblr to see what you are up to 👀

hachis parmentier!! it's a french dish very close to the british's shepherd's pie. it's the best thing in the world <3 but i love mediterranean cuisine in general <3

purple!

she will be loved by maroon 5 - yes i still stand by that, even in the year of our lord 2022,,,,, this song means too much for me to let it go because adam levine is Cringe Personified, okay

the haunting of hill house! and i don't really have a favorite movie? but dunkirk, coco, and jurassic park are among my favorites <3

historical fiction!

writing, playing the piano, playing videogames

only saying this because I did this in front of someone for the first time and they were SO weirded out, but I gobble the little packets of sugar that come with coffee/dessert in one gulp, like straight up pour them into my open mouth ... i call them "sugar shots" and they're like a pick-me-up to me? did that the other day and after they were done hysterically laughing they said "please don't ever do that again" so there's that

both giving & receiving are the same I think: words of affirmation and gifts! (in that order) I'm not big on physical touch, but I need that shit to be vocalized all the time. apparently zendaya is like this too? icons only &lt;3

just dance!!!!!!!!! i'm a Very Mediocre dancer (just flexible and rhythmically-inclined enough to not be too dreadful on the dancefloor), but somehow I can five-star my way through ANY just dance song like it's my job. I consider myself virtually unbeatable actually

cooking any meal that requires more than like, a 10-minute attention span. i hate cooking i will quite literally only make pasta and if you're not happy with that you can just starve i guess?

french, spanish (both native) and english! i tried (emphasized) to learn german in 2020 and have been in an on and off relationship with it ever since. but someday i will vanquish that language <3

uninterested in me

in middle school I used to draw a tiny eighth note with a marker on the back of my hand, right between the index finger and the thumb, EVERY SINGLE DAY. i don't know why i did that since i've literally never even wanted a tattoo?? but i did. so yeah, that crook between the thumb and index.

oh my god, you're putting me on the spot like this,,,, i think the world ought to know i believe in self-care days in college. like right now, when I am 397387 assignments behind yet choosing to spend my evening watching too hot to handle on netflix. it's about priorities.

[stillachildatheart]

Thirty and Thriving

An update for the blog.

Hey there. It's been literally years since I came back to this blog again. My life has grown and veered off in so many different directions, it somehow made reading through all my previous posts feel like I was a vapid, air-headed teenager that didn't know enough about life. Haha.. I guess at some point, we all look back at our teen years and cringe. I am thirty this year. Can you believe it? I can't! I have so many white hairs on my head now, I've almost given up trying to color it back. My joints ache on and off. I'm taking supplements to help maintain some vitality (or at least give me the placebo effect that I'm doing something about my vitality). 18 year old me would have been horrified to see how she had grown up. =P

But you know what? I am proud of where I am. I struggled through depression and plenty of mental abuse from my parents to be where I am today. They still do abuse me every now and then but somehow, being 30 gave me the freedom to ignore it and move on with my life. Not to say that the things they say doesn't bug me, but I think I've gained the capacity to move past it and not let it bother me for too long. That fuck it attitude may rub others the wrong way... but fuck it. I worked too hard to gain it, if you don't like it then it's not my problem. As always, paiya was and has been a constant rock and an inspiration for me. Yes, we're still together. We've been married for over a year now, in fact. LDR success story, huh? <3 Over 12 years of being in a relationship (and a long-distance one at that) and just over 6 months of living with each other.. even I cannot fathom where all that time went. After reading through some of my earliest posts about him yesterday, I told him one thing when we were in bed last night. After all these years, I'm living the way I dreamed of. Taking care of our home together, cooking and eating together, exploring the world together.. these were things that the 17 year old me would have been wildly hoping for but would have not believed would eventually happen.

I am happy. For someone who went through clinical depression ever since I set foot into medical school, this statement is like feeling the sun on your face for the first time after a long and hard winter. I am genuinely happy. Of course we have our issues and disagreements. We end up hurting each other at times and also irritating each other. But the love is always there, and we always work our way back to it together. The love we have feels like it has grown and matured into something beautiful and solid. It fills my heart with so much of strength and courage to face the world, as long as he is by my side. It's awesome.. that feeling.

If only my relationship with my parents was that easy. Being in a healthy relationship with my husband made me realize how toxic my own family was to me. I knew they were the main reason I ended up depressed, but I'm still identifying all the trauma responses in me due to the way I was treated when I was young. Trying to unlearn my defense mechanisms and relearn healthier ones has been a major challenge for me since I started living together with paiya. Because my defense mechanisms protect my emotions but are in turn toxic and hurtful to him. I ended up unintentionally straining our relationship a few times all because I didn't know how to regulate my emotions safely. And yes, I blame my upbringing for that. Don't get me wrong. They did their responsibility as parents well. They go above and beyond, in fact. But that comes with a massive pile of expectations that is masked as love and wanting the best for me. If I choose not to conform to those expectations, I am a disappointment and failed them as their daughter. For a long time, the emotional burden of trying to fulfil their expectations drained the life and soul out of me. I worked hard to shed that, but I'm still a work in progress.

To them, the fact that I decided not to specialize is the biggest disappointment. They feel that I'm squandering my education and I'm being very complacent in my position. They hate the fact that I'm not working in a hospital anymore, because apparently doctor's working in a Klinik Kesihatan are not doctors. -_- I survived through housemanship, I survived working as an MO in medical for a year and ETD for almost 2 years. I've never felt at home as much as working in a KK has felt. Not only am I using my medical knowledge more, there is the unbeatable fact that I am working office hours now. I have weekends... after 5 years of working, I am finally experiencing weekends like everyone else. So they can say all they want, but I've come to a point where my sole focus is to keep myself happy.

If I'm not happy, there's no way I can keep anyone else around me happy. So that is my main priority. I struggled to do a degree I didn't like for their sakes. I'm not about to repeat the same thing again for a master's degree, just because they want to see me become a specialist. If I choose to do it, it will be because I genuinely want to put in the effort for it. Not because they want it.

So yeah... as you can guess, a lot has happened in the last 10 years. At the end of the day, I am content with where I am right now and I guess that's all that matters. :)

[talkingtothetallman]

20 Seconds of Courage

"When we had come to Jerusalem, the brothers received us gladly. On the following day Paul went in with us to James, and all the elders were present. After greeting them, he related one by one the things that God had done among the Gentiles through his ministry. And when they heard it, they glorified God." - Acts 21:17-20a

I read these verses this verses before work this morning. All my life I've been told how important it is to always be in the Word, because it is through it that we learn how God wants us to live. Not only that, but it is a beautiful showcase of how the Lord has proven His faithfulness to His people.

I think one of the most sanctifying things the Lord Jesus does through His Word is conviction. You know the feeling. The prick of guilt that wells up in your heart. A sense of filthiness covers your heart and your realize... "man, Lord I'm sorry. Forgive me, I need to change."

That's the case with the above verses. And to clarify, these verses are just the foundation of my conviction; they don't tell the entire story.

The thing that caught my eye was how fluidly and almost casually Paul, James, and the elders, glorified the Lord together and counted the ways God had worked in the ministry. I read that and thought, "Huh, you know I only kinda struggle to be open about God's blessings to believers I'm good friends with, but dang doing it with people I barely know? Man that shows how strong their faith was."

True, Christians have the common bond of Christ. Heck, it's even in the name Christian. But something about being completely open with a stranger about your faith is borderline daunting. I know I'm not the only one who feel this way. But as I was pondering this on my route, the thought crossed my mind: "If I saw a guy in a 22 hat who was clearly a Joey Logano fan, I'd be all about talking to him about all things Logano... but would I be like that about Jesus to a person who clearly was a Christian?"

The situation: a stranger, one with a bright yellow and red 22 hat, and the other with a t-shirt that says, "Jesus. Died, risen, returning" with a cross on the background. Who would I talk to? I'm ashamed of what my answer might be. Why is that? I thought of a few reasons:

1: I don't believe in Jesus.

2: The Lord's power hasn't been made manifest in my life.

3: I don't care.

4: I'm scared. Utterly filled with the fear of man.

I know for a fact that it's not the first two. And yet the second two, they seem to be a good blend of how I feel. For one, the senseless fear of man that Satan so dearly loves fills me with dread, one that says maybe I'll look dumb, or maybe I'll offend that person somehow, or even maybe disagree with them on some theological issues and things will get weird. But the third one is really where the conviction happens. I don't always feel like I care enough about how the Lord has changed my life to proclaim the name of Jesus. But why is that?

I guess my heart is just that hard. And good golly I hate that. I hate that I minimize my sin to the point that I forget how much it really cost to pay for it. Shame on me! How badly I want to be a soul on fire, not caring for one moment what a customer on route thinks of me, what a coworker might say, or what a fellow Christian might think. Sure, there are things to say for specific times, but why am I not shouting from the roof-tops, "Jesus saved me, and He can save you too! He's done so many wonderful things in my life and He can in yours!" Even now as I type this, I almost cringe thinking about how filled with fear I am.

But my heart is filled with a hardness that can only be dissolved by prayer and stepping out in trust. I think that's the big thing; trusting in the Lord's guidance. You know, there's movie quote that just popped into my mind that seems applicable:

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” 

That's it. Is it Christian? No. But it true? I would say so. Isn't 20 seconds enough time to proclaim Jesus? It's convicting, isn't it? Do you do that? I sure don't, and I wish I did. Now does that mean that you need to fill every 20 second gap with the Gospel? No, of course not. But are you ready to share the Gospel with someone? Are you ready to give God the glory in all situations? Lord, I'm trying! Thank you for your grace when I fail!

"Heavenly Father, help us, especially me, to be faithful to You as You have been to your people. Grant us softened hearts that fully desire and intend to share Your love, mercy, and salvation with a world who needs it. Open our eyes that we may see how You are working in our lives, and bless us with boldness to proclaim that with the world. Amen."

[vcdette]

moonlxghtbby replied to your post: moonlxghtbby replied to your post: moonlxghtbby...

jksaffejkrsvsjfdk i lOVE YOU SO MUCH SRSLY UR THE GREATEST <3 and ahhh i can’t believe it’s been so damn long?? wtf

AKSJDAKSD THANK YOU BB, YOU’RE SO GREAT YOURSELF AND I LOVE YOU TO THE GALAXY AND BACK!!! and honestly, it feels like we were just taking shit about people being shitty people and catfishing us on twitter. aren’t u happy u didn’t delete ur twitter when u followed me? lmao xD

[demigoddreamer]

LGBTQ+ Themes in Greek Mythology

I'm no Greek Mythology expert i don't have any professional qualifications whatsoever(tho when i go to college imma minor in classics with a bio major but you don't care sorry :'(

i'm just a nerd who spends way too much time researching/reading a million books(calling all PJO fans/riordanverse in general i'm a fan too)on greek mythology(btw any of you read song of achilles, that shit broke my heart but i can't help it i just love greek mythology adaptations so fucking much)

these aren't in order i don't have a particular timeline but i think it's important to discuss lgbtq+ themes in greek mythology in SOME CAPACITY especially with something called ERASURE I SAID GREECE WAS GAY YALL but the greeks were more sexually fluid so they don't really have labels for this the same way we do and the way we defined their sexuality is not how we define it but this is most likely how it would've translated in the modern world and it's still important because seeing lgbtq+ figures in ancient cultures proves their existence and that we're here and queer, I can't do everyone here so i might do a part 2 if yall want

*Zeus did have like maybe 1 or 2 male lovers, the most notable ganymede but like Zeus is an asshole he's not cool enough to be queer so no i'm not going in depth about him AT ALL

1. Apollo

we all know Apollo, god of: music, poetry, healing, sun/light, archery, prophecy

but also he's THE bisexual icon(there are other gods like Hermes and Dionysus notable for male lovers I said Hermes was pan in like he was literally the god pan at one point and he's pansexual) but Apollo has the most male lovers out of any god and he does have a fuckton of female lovers(not nearly as many as zeus tho, no one gonna surpass him) Apollo is also depicted to be extremely hot no pun intended but also having a rather feminine appearance

some of his famous same sex lovers include:

Hyacinthus(this one my fav)- so fucking tragic got turned into the hyacinth plant

Admetus- no tragic end for Admetus unfortunately Admetus is a...straight-ie(I usually only call the cringe straights straighties but i'm just in pain in how Apollo hopelessly pines over him)

There's others but they're not as notable so imma speedrun but if you want me to talk more about them in depth and other lgbtq+ themes in greek mythology ask for a part 2

2. Hermaphroditus

This god was the son of Hermes and Aphrodite(please don't ask how THAT happened it just did)

Hermaphroditus is intersex, he's the god of intersex people, a symbol of androgyny and is the reason why intersex animals like snails(they have male & female reproductive parts) are called "Hermaphrodites"

The story is Hermaphroditus was just chilling in a body of water when the nymph Salmacis jumped on top of him while he was chilling and intended to rape him and she called on the gods to make it so that she and Hermaphroditus would be together forever so the gods merged them together into a partly female and male individual

3. Chaos

if any of yall read hesiod's theogony or...just hear stuff elsewhere, you may have heard of this creation myth where in the beginning there was a primordial kind of emptiness or void which was Chaos and this is mostly a headcanon but i legit cannot remember if they refer to Chaos gender AT ALL sooooo

NON-BINARY NON-BINARY NON-BINARY

4. Sipriotes

There are multiple stories of Gods changing mortals gender maybe as divine punishment, to help disguise them/protect them or whatever so the mortals may go mtf or ftm so TRANGENDER

Sipriotes isn't the most notable or even the most important in fact she only gets like a 1 line mention in some author's work but she's important to me

because she has some agency in this story. basically i think what happened is that she(he at the time) saw Artemis bathing(like actaeon but the reason that Artemis gets mad at her isn't clear since this myth is so obscure and it's not certain if the bathing is even the "correct version" or correct as can be with greek myth) so Artemis in retribution gave Sipriotes an ultimatum, she could either be given a woman body and join Artemis's hunters or worse so Sipriotes chose the hunters and the woman bod

5. Iphis and Ianthe

There are 2 people in this one cause 1. this is much longer than i anticipated and i don't think people wanna read that much 2. these people aren't important enough to have their own and their stories are so intertwined that individual sections would be too short and basically the same

Iphis was raised as a dude despite being a woman so one day when Iphis gets married they are offered to a woman named Ianthe. Iphis is sad because Iphis fell in love with Ianthe(mutual) but Iphis knows they can't be together as 2 women so Iphis prays to the gods for a solution to be able to marry Ianthe so the gods like turn Iphis into a dude

so this could be a trans guy with a bi?(if ianthe knew iphis was a woman) woman or technically this could be seen as wlw or i should say sapphic cause this greek i tend to lean toward this being trans guy but i won't argue with your interpretation unless you're being transphobic

6. Callisto

Now greece was very misogynistic and had a high emphasis on manly men. that's why in greek mythology there were so many mlm couples but you can't find shit on wlw there are technically only 2, one of them being the previous one and this one...it's technically not wlw it's awful it's evil but it's all we got

Callisto was a hunter of Artemis who might've been a queer woman. So basically Artemis's hunters say no to the company of men and swear off romance so none of the gods can touch them. But one day Zeus was like "yo Callisto do be looking kinda hot tho" and tried to seduce her even tho Callisto is off limits, he did this by shapeshifting into the Artemis and then called Callisto into a private spot where he raped her and got her pregnant. unfortunately since Callisto is no longer a virgin she had to leave the hunters and i think she got turned into a bear by usually Hera but sometimes Artemis too tired to double check

7. Artemis, Athena, Hestia

Now these lovely ladies are famous for being the only 3 beings Aphrodite(goddess of love) has no power over as they are virgin goddesses who swear to be maidens forever. I tend to see them on the Aroace spectrum.

Artemis was someone who said no to romance and to forever forswear the company of men that could technically be interpreted a few different ways(aka did she like girls? lesbian ace maybe?) I tend to lean toward no she appears more aroace as she had nada in the relationships department(no she never loved orion i'm tired of answering that question)

Athena is pretty specifically aroace as its very much explicit that she has no time for romance and prefers to spend her time on battle strategy and crafts. She is called Athena Parthenos* virgin athena for a reason. I heard her childhood best friend pallas was her woman lover from a random internet person but i can't find any sources for this so take that with a grain of salt but it could be that sources are hard to come by for ancient civilizations idk so she could be biromantic ace maybe????

Hestia is def aroace but also we have very little sources of any kind about her. only about her worship no myths. which is sad as fuck because she's a dope goddess i wish there was more about her

*I just realized i forgot to do achilles and patroclus but i was just so tired, i'll do them in the part 2

[itsallyscorner]

BABES! What is she’s a little mix member and a cast member of Spider-Man 💀

YES! Hiya my love and thank you for the request💜 I’m honestly so obsessed with these Little Mix requests, I didn’t think people would like them, but turns out people love them! I’m totally obsessed with these AHHH! Happy reading darling😌

💌.

Exposed

The girls aren’t really involved in this one, but they are mentioned💜 Heavy on the dialogue, I tried :)! This one’s more focused on Tom & reader:)

(Gif from Pinterest)

For your first time being in a movie, you’ve hit the jackpot. Not many people can say that their very first project in the movie industry was with Marvel Studios. You’ve been lucky enough to be casted in Spider-Man: Far From Home, playing Amelia James, a classmate of Peter but was from another universe. Though that last part wasn’t established yet.

You were currently at Capital FM’s studios doing an interview with Roman Kemp, someone who you were very familiar with. Accompanying you were your cast mates, Tom Holland, Jacob Batalon, and Zendaya. You lot were currently on the press tour promoting the movie that was only days away from premiering in London. You were all laughing at Tom who has been retelling a story of him getting punched on set.

Though you’ve only met him a few months ago, you felt as if you’ve known the charming man since forever. A fond smile was set on your lips as you watched him talk animatedly into the mic. You felt a nudge beside you. Turning, you see Zendaya smirking at you. She’s caught on at how you looked at Tom, always teasing how when either of you looked at each other, your eyes would turn into beating hearts.

You playfully roll your eyes and nudge her back. Your attention is diverted from her when Roman calls on you, “I’ve been wanting to mention this from the beginning, but it’s odd to see you without the girls in the studio.”

You nod chuckling, “I know! I actually feel weird not having them with me here because I’m so used to doing everything with them.”

“How was that like? I know you girls are genuinely close in real life, so how was it being away from them for so long?” Roman asked you.

“Honestly, I felt a bit anxious not having them by my side all the time. I hate not being with them because they’re like my safety blanket.” You explained. On your other side, you saw Tom frown at you.

You quickly add, “Not that I’m having a horrible time with you guys, it’s just that I miss them a lot. Like I don’t have Jesy beside me to make jokes with or Perrie to mother me around, you know?”

“She’s lying, she can’t wait to leave us. We’re horrible.” Tom jokes looking at you with that cheeky grin of his. You sigh swatting his arm, “That’s completely false, I loved working with these guys.”

“Have the girls visited you on set?” You tilt your head in thought.

“Well—not really. We’re busy working on our sixth album so everyone’s been at the studio here in London. But we have called each other on FaceTime and texted almost everyday, so we were always in contact even when I was away.” You answered fiddling with the hem of your dress. Tom has known you long enough and been in many interviews with you to know that the gesture was something when you felt nervous. Discreetly, he inches his hand closer to yours under the table until his large palm rests atop your hand. You look at him and flash him a smile before turning back to Roman.

Roman continues with his questions, “I know the girls are very supportive, but what was their reaction when you told them you were gonna be in a movie?”

You feel Tom’s hand squeeze yours and you couldn’t help the smile that makes it’s way to your lips. “They were so supportive and excited. I was actually reluctant about accepting the role, but they literally pushed me to do it and I’m so glad they did. I’m truly blessed to have them in my life.”

“Yeah, thank God for Little Mix, or else we would have never met (y/n).” Jacob says into his mic. Zendaya let’s out a “YES!”, high fiving her friend in agreement. You laugh at the two’s antics.

“Aren’t you glad they pushed you to take the role? Now you have us in your life.” Tom proudly states smirking at you.

“No, it’s actually worse now because you’re in it.” You tease him. Tom gasps and placed his free hand to his heart.

“I actually made it harder for myself because I told him some stuff about the new album and now I’m just nervous he’s going to spill something. Then I’m gonna be in trouble.” You go on to explain. Z shakes her head at you, “I told you not to tell him anything.”

Tom perks up and leans forward to glare at her, “Excuse me? I’m capable of keeping a secret, for your information.” He sassily tells her. You and Z burst out laughing at the man in beside you.

“Ok, so are we just going to ignore the fact that you were about to post a video of me in the studio recording a new song?” You question him. Tom was about to speak but Jacob beat him to it.

“I swear if it weren’t for me or Daya, you would’ve been responsible for leaking a song.” Jacob pointed out. Tom huffed out slumping himself into his chair.

“I just can’t catch a break can I?” He asks rhetorically looking at the ceiling. Roman smiles at the four of you, “Obviously from the energy in this room, you guys all seem to get along.”

“Everyone except for Tom.” Z mumbles under her breath. Roman snickers before continuing, “How was it like working with each other? Especially for you (y/n) because you’re the newbie of the group.”

“I mean for me, it was nice to work with everyone again. These guys are my friends so it was like hanging out with them everyday with a side of working. (Y/n)’s part of the group now too, so even better, karaoke nights are gonna be lit.” Jacob answered first. You sent him a wink with finger guns, him doing the same thing to you.

“I’m just glad there’s more women in the group. Laura wasn’t in this one so we were one girl down, then (y/n) came and we just had an amazing time together. It was nice to get away from those two and all the stuff they’re up to.” Z gestured to Tom and Jacob. You loved both of them, but when they were bored they were always up to no good.

“This was my first movie, so I was really nervous to step foot onto set. I remember when we had our first table read and feeling so intimidated because everyone there were professionals and had experience. Meanwhile there’s me with zero experience at all trying to fit in with all these actors.” You answered with a slight chuckle. Tom hums beside you squeezing your hand once again.

“But everyone was so sweet and welcoming. From the crew to the cast, they’re a really great group to work with and I’d like to work with them again, if given the chance.” You finished off.

“You know, for your first movie, you did amazing.” Tom complimented you. Roman quickly swooped in, “Tom, I actually wanted to talk to you about something you said last time you were here.”

Tom looks at him confused, “What did I say?”

“How was it like to finally meet (y/n)? Last time you were on here you admitted t—.” Roman began to talk but Tom cut him off.

“ADMITTED TO LISTENING TO LITTLE MIX!” Tom yells over Roman. He has slightly gotten up from his seat and was making wild motions at Roman with his hand. Everyone shot Tom a look except for Roman who stared at him amused.

Roman shook his head, a cheeky grin on his face, “Not quite, mate.”

“Y-yes. I did admit to listening to them, Touch is my favorite song.” Tom said nervously, regretting that he mentioned Touch.

Roman snickered at Tom, “Well it definitely had something to do with Touch, you had a lot to say about—.” Tom cuts him off again.

“The visual effects.” You raise a brow at Tom.

“Tom, there were barely any effects in that music video.” You tell him. Tom glances at you with wide eyes before correcting himself, “The camera work was really good.”

“Are you good?” Z asks Tom squinting at him. Tom let go of your hand and rubbed his palms together, something he did to ease his nerves.

“I’m great, man.” Tom’s voice pitches as he adjusts himself in his seat. Roman stifles a laugh before turning to you.

“Tom’s admitted to fancying you.” He reveals. Your eyes widen as Jacob and Z have smirks plastered onto their faces.

“Oh? When was this?” You look between Roman and Tom. Tom was cringing at himself hiding behind his hands.

“This is cruel.” You hear him mutter.

“He was promoting Homecoming I think. Then we were playing Touch and Tom just went into a whole conversation about the band and you.” Roman answered, a shit eating from on his face.

Tom pops up from his hand, “You don’t have proof!”

Roman looks at him with a ‘seriously?’ kind of expression as he pulls up a video on the screen. Shaking his head at Tom, “Mate, it’s my radio show.”

Tom groans as he shoves his face behind his jacket.

“Oh this is good.” Z laughs leaning back to face the monitor on the wall.

“Shall we watch my evidence, everyone?” Roman presses play.

“Is Touch the only song you know from Little Mix?” Roman asked. Tom shook his head almost offended.

“No! I’m a big fan of them, I really enjoy their music. Shout Out To My Ex, Woman Like Me, Wasabi? Ugh!” Tom closes his eyes while doing a chef’s kiss, “I’m a man, but their music is so empowering, I love it.”

Roman teasingly smiled at Tom, “Do you fancy any of them?”

“Mate, you can’t ask me that. They’re all very beautiful.” A blush starts to form on Tom’s pale cheeks.

Roman continued to prob at Tom, “You really don’t fancy at least one of them the most?”

Tom shyly smiled looking around, “I mean, (y/n)’s always stood out for me, if I’m being honest. Not just cause of her looks, but I’ve watched her interviews and she seems like a really sweet and funny person. I find that very attracting about her.” He admits.

“Have you seen the Touch video yet? Everyone was raving about her in the video.”

“Oh I definitely have, maybe a few times. She looked stunning, as always.” He dreamily smiled into his palm.

“If she were to watch this, what would you like to say?” Roman asked him. Tom’s face dropped at the mention of you seeing his confession.

“I hope she doesn’t see this. She’s gonna think I’m weird or something. I just ruined my chances.”

The video cuts off and Tom is still hiding behind his jacket. Jacob’s mouth is agape as he looks at Tom, “Dude, you just got exposed.”

“Really Jacob? Have I been exposed?” Tom finally comes out from behind his jacket, face fully flushed in embarrassment. You pouted at him, feeling bad that he was embarrassed, but your heart felt all giddy inside at the fact that he fancies you.

Roman holds his hand out cautiously at Tom, “Now before you permanently hate me, your mate Harrison put me up to this. Something about payback for a prank?”

Tom’s jaw drops as he looks out the window of the booth. Outside Harrison and Harry are seen laughing there asses off with tears in their eyes. Tom curses under his breath. The room suddenly felt like an oven, his face was flushed, his palms were sweaty, and his heart rapidly beated against his chest. Mustering up his courage he looked at you.

“Hey, at least you know who my favorite Little Mix member is now?” He awkwardly shrugged. You smiled at him, cheeks flushed as well.

“I can’t believe you’re an actual fan though!” You say, trying to ease off the embarrassment off him.

“Uh—that’s what you got from the video?” Z asked from beside you. You glance at her real quick to give her a look. Of course you were thrilled that Tom reciprocated your feelings, but at the moment it looked as if he were gonna pop a blood vessel at how hard he was glaring at Harry and Harrison.

“Of course I’m a fan! Who wouldn’t be? You guys are phenomenal, I remember watching you guys at the BRITS when you performed Shout Out To My Ex, it was epic.” His attention immediately turns to you, his eyes softening once they meet yours.

You place a comforting hand on his arm, “Why didn’t you just tell me I was your favorite?”

“Because he has a crush on you.” Jacob states as if it were an obvious fact. Tom was about to protest when Z cuts him off, “Man, don’t even try. You already got exposed and you were never good at hiding your feelings in the first place.”

Roman’s eyes shift to look at each of you, “Did I just unintentionally successfully set two people up?”

You look at Roman and shrugged your shoulders at him nonchalantly, “I don’t know yet Roman, maybe if Tom agrees for dinner, then you could say you’ve successfully set two people up.”

“Oh that was smooth.”

Tom looks at you mouth agape since he couldn’t believe you just asked him out on a live radio show.

“What?” He asks in disbelief.

“I’m asking you out, Tom.” You chuckle, your thumb tracing patterns onto his arm. Tom looks around wide eyed and leans into you, “Is this for the movie?”

Everyone in the room groans except for you and Tom. Instead you roll your eyes at him and shake his shoulders. Moving to be in his view your eyes connect with his brown ones.

“Hi, Tom, honey? I’m asking you out for dinner, don’t make me regret doing this on live radio.” You tell him, slightly joking. His eyes glance down at your lips before they return to your eyes.

“Yes, yes, yes—please, I would love to have dinner with you.” He finally snaps out of his thoughts and a smile forms on his lips. You smile back at him and lean back into your seat, “Great, we could go out tonight.”

“Sounds good.” He nods leaning back into his chair. Tom tries to fight the smile on his lips but was unsuccessful. So he sits there, smiling like an idiot. Sure, he just got humiliated on air, but it was worth it since he left that studio with the girl of his dreams anticipating the night to come.

[captnjacksparrow]

Why do I ship SNS?

It is a known fact that when people experience a good media, they like to discuss various things they liked, hated, interpret what the creator trying to say and get something from what they have consumed. Eventually people end up in a shipping war if there are multiple possibilities. 

I started watching Naruto on a whim, hoping to see some ninjas in action with some revenge as a background (after all when you have power, there will always be a revenge). Am a sucker for revenge, btw. I am a person who hates romance in media. Because, every movie, book, novel, series has this same recycled romance plastered into every story even though the story don’t need at all. So, I am very tired of it. Every media portrays romance as something inevitable, necessary and something we can’t live without. That’s wrong. 

Usually, romance goes like this... Person A sees Person B... they hate each other and add some possessiveness, jealousy... they magically gets attracted through some shared experiences eventually... they kiss and make babies. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s just very tiring as I’ve seen million forms of this same repeated trope. I always cringe and yell “Can you give us something different? Grrr.....”.

And also, my motto is that love can happen with any person. It can’t be restrained into certain boundaries. So, I don’t like to put some relationship under an umbrella called Gay, Lesbian, Straight or whatever. Of course, illicit relationships and incest are not normal and am not okay with it.

With all that being said...

My experience after watching the Shippuden series until episode 478 was “Wait, do they love each other?”. I know am very late to realize this, but I have never even viewed them with any romantic lens throughout. 

On my first watch, I was always under the impression that “They are friends”... But there are certain moments I felt “Wait, why are they doing like this which could’ve been handled in a different way!!” I will get to this later in this post. But those moments were overlooked by me because of my curiosity of “What happens next ??”. 

And on my rewatch, it only confirmed my view. 

The other popular ships like SS and NH put forth many points to invalidate what SNS represents. The most common being “They are reincarnated brothers” or  “They are best friends”. Am just going to debunk them from my point of view. 

Naruto and Sasuke are like brothers.....

Nope. 

The best brotherhood title, in this series, should officially go to Itachi and Sasuke. 

You can argue as much as you want that Itachi mindfucked Sasuke and killed his parents....yaada yaada.... 

It is repeatedly shown why Itachi put a curtain on his own clan. The reason is, Uchiha clan decided to forcefully take over the village. No matter how much innocent you are, you cannot take over something with force. Dot. I will write about this in a separate post.

In short, Sasuke realised how his clan members were wrong after hearing the story from the First Hokage, Hashirama Senju. That’s why he openly proclaimed “I am going to protect Konoha and become Hokage”. 

Back to the topic, Itachi and Sasuke are blood brothers. If I ship them both, then what you claim is very valid. 

The above gif says, “Sasuke, I know, I made a mistake by filling you with hatred. But whatever you decide to do from now on, I will love you always”. Meaning, He stopped treating Sasuke as a kid and accepts that Sasuke has his own path to walk.

This is exactly how brothers behave. I would do the same to my kid sister. You can see a fraternal instinct from Itachi’s eyes realizing that this is their last time together.

Another thing, Brothers trope always has this hierarchy.... Protect the younger sibling no matter what. It is evident from Madara/Izuna and Hashirama/Tobirama.

Not convinced?

If you pull the Indra and Ashura bullshit, let me tell you one thing. Indra and Ashura were separated and formed their own clan long ago. They eventually branched off into Uchiha and Senju clans. No way you can relate a century old blood relation as brothers. It’s just their chakra got reincarnated over and over. 

Don’t pull up an incest angle between Naruto and Sasuke. Because they never shared a womb. Dot. 

Naruto and Sasuke are Best Friends only.

You know what, you are almost right. I thought that for a very long time. Remember I never wore any shipping goggles ON. 

There are two types of best friend categories. Best Friends without a reason and Best Friends through rivalry. 

Best Friends without a reason in Narutoverse are: Shikamaru/Choji. 

They just became friends and became BFF. They won’t fight or hurt each other. But when you have something to share...you would go to that person and share everything honestly.

Best Friends through Rivalry: Kakashi/Obito, Hashirama/Madara, Naruto/Sasuke

I really cannot provide more proof for the first two pairings as Best Friends as it is not the scope of this post. Although the latter two also qualifies for shipping category. Why?

Because, the common thing among them is that all the three Uchihas awakened/reawakened their Sharingan for their best friend. But Hashirama/Madara and Naruto/Sasuke are the only pairings to awaken or evolve Sharingan when trying to break their bonds with each other. 

Special Brownie points for Madara. He had 4 brothers and lost 3 but still couldn’t awaken his Sharingan but when trying to break up with Hashirama, his eyes were brimming red. 

Sasuke’s Sharingan matures in the first Valley of The End.

That’s why I excluded Hashirama/Madara and Naruto/Sasuke from this Best Friends list.

Because to the both Uchihas, the other person meant something special which cannot be comprehended into a mere term called ‘Best Friends’.

Which is exactly why Kakashi/Obito would perfectly fall into this category.

The way they quarrel, fight with each other, protect each other are perfect scores for a friendship. What makes them best friends is when Obito decided to give his Sharingan despite Kakashi was always putting a cold air around him and most importantly asked him to protect his love ‘Rin’. Also Kakashi carried his friend’s will to his heart and passed on to Team 7.

It all falls under ‘In the memory of my Best Friend’ trope.

Obito may be a trash but he is a good friend. Because after Rin was killed, he massacred everyone around him except for Kakashi. He could have killed him. Understandable. Or he could have plucked his Sharingan back (because he literally plucked most of the Sharingans from the Uchiha clan massacre and kept those eyes as a reserve). This could have enabled him to use Susanoo. I believe Susanoo can only be used with Mangekyo Sharingan in both eyes. But for some reason, he didn’t. 

So what makes me think Naruto and Sasuke love each other, not as a brother and not as a friend but something beyond which I can’t term?

My way of shipping is not about marriage, sex and rearing babies. Because literally everyone does this as an obligation. 

So, I don’t ship them in terms of living together in my headcanon and having sex daily. Nope. But it is not wrong though if you ship in that sense.

In this Narutoverse, Women are just some stow away pieces whose sole existence is to fawn over their dreamboy and cry for them. (Usually literally nothing useful comes out of them). Me being a girl, as much as I hate this setup but I have come to terms with whatever it is and have accepted it. If you are a girl looking for a strong female character...... this is not the place. Watch something else. 

But I draw inspiration from male characters who are characterized deeply for which I have to applaud the creator. Reason being, the very first character which I connected with was Itachi. It was when Sasuke thinks about his past with his family in the flashback before the first VotE battle in part I. I will be writing a separate post about Itachi in this week. 

In short, If you are a person who wants inspiration, draw it from male characters. Not in a single moment, you stoop so low for characters like Hinata and Sakura. That’s not how I envision myself or any woman. Dot.

With all this being said, I ship them as a couple who necessarily don’t have to get married or have sex... But they each other has some special allowance towards each other in their hearts which no one can touch, not even their wives or children. 

This doesn’t mean I accept what came after episode 478 as they are literally something they made for $$$$$. 

There are some basic traits which are absolutely necessary for a ship to sail successfully. They are Acknowledgement, Reason, No Hierarchy, Influence, Owning each others rights and Privilege. (All these reasons should come from both the sides for the ship to be worthy)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Acknowledgement, I mean here, is to accept and acknowledge what they are to each other.

They both agree that they are Bonded/Friends verbally as well as emotionally.

To me, this is essential in any relationship especially for the ones you are trying to ship. I didn’t see this in any other ships like SS or NH where it is always one sided. Sakura confessed before the village entrance to which Sasuke said “You really are annoying!!”. Hinata proposed in Pain arc. Naruto didn’t even acknowledge her confession. He went on to beg for pardon for Sasuke. Again she proposed in the War at the expense of Love Cupid “Neji”. Naruto went on to joke with Minato that Sakura is his Girl Friend. 

If I were in both of these girls place, I would literally be mad and drop this shit right away.

Wheras in SNS, I saw both the people I am trying to ship were asking “What am I to you?”, to which they reply “You are my friend”. To me this is very important.

Reason

To those who are saying “Love is blind”, “Love is Madness”, “Love needs no reason”, you all need self-evaluation. This is not some K Drama situation where you don’t need any reason. You should know why you love someone and why you need the other’s presence.

Naruto’s reason is very simple.

I could provide many reasons. But here, Sasuke, without any reservations... knowing full well of the consequence if he feed Naruto but still extended the helping hand to someone who was always hostile. It is just like what Iruka did. And many incidents which happened during Land of the Waves arc are evident.

He wanted to be friends with this lonely Uchiha boy way back when he was around 7 or 8 for a simple reason that he understands his pain more than anyone. But he really became friends when they were grouped together for Team 7.  

Sasuke’s reason goes even way beyond when Naruto series started.

“Because he felt relief”.

Imagine a young boy who witnessed a massacre before his eyes and lost everyone he loved. But somehow another young boy of his age made him feel relieved. This explains why Sasuke went all out of his way to make friendship with Naruto despite being aloof. 

Isn’t this what we want from someone we love?  

Rather than being completely insensitive about an orphan life or just stalking from the distance and never offered any support, I would prefer someone who understands my pain from their heart and try to reach me. Sasuke reached out to him by offering the lunch and Naruto reached out to him by making him his rival and bug him.

NO HIERARCHY

This is pretty self-explanatory. Unlike blood brothers, there should be no hierarchy in a relationship I want to ship. 

We saw Naruto yells at Sasuke many times absolutely for no reason, despite Sasuke bearing this cold attitude. Probably he is the only person who can call him by such variety of names. 

Sasuke always calls him by his trademark ‘Usuratonkachi’. Sometimes he calls him fool just like everyone. But was never insulting or mean towards Naruto. Except for that time in the final battle, he made fun of his Shadow Clone jutsu citing his loneliness. 

In short, be it a physical fight or verbal offense.... neither of them wilts like a flower. They equally give back. 

The only other person who can verbally assault Sasuke is Karin and probably the only girl who never addresses him as “Sasuke-Kun”. 

U-SU-RA-TON-KA-CHI..... Why do Sasuke spend such an effort to call someone with a 6 syllabic word, instead NA-RU-TO, a 3 syllabic word which is way more convenient to call?? I always wonder.

POSITIVE INFLUENCE

I don’t have to spell out anything here. There are many obvious examples but will try to keep it short. 

Naruto became strong because of Sasuke. He trained hard for 3 years with Jiraiya , a month with Kakashi developing Rasen Shuriken and controlled Kurama’s power with Killer Bee. Except for Sage Mode jutsu everything he learnt was all for bringing Sasuke back. 

In short, Sasuke is Naruto’s predominant strength. 

Though Naruto was not the source of strength for Sasuke, but he brings out many vibrant emotions in Sasuke which he really needed for his traumatic mind otherwise he would always be that cold angry brooding doll without any emotions and I am sure Sasuke enjoys to banter with Naruto.

LOL!!! I don’t know why Sasuke feels competitve here. It’s pretty childish even for Sasuke.

Friendly tease :-) I think he also protected Sakura in this scene. He can also ask her the same, isn’t it? I mean as a friend. 

The best one is yet to come

It’s incredibly hilarious to see how Sasuke pouts when he was with Naruto. Sakura!!!! You third wheeling joker :-D :-D

Throughout Shippuden, Sasuke never shows his emotions with anyone. He either looks very cold or angry.

Reminiscing his Team 7 days, for a split second. 

Probably the only positive emotion is this, in all of the Shippuden. I mean not counting Episode 478.

I don’t think Sakura brought any kind emotions in Sasuke except annoyance when they were together in Team 7. Or Hinata too. These girls just moan “Sasuke-Kun”, “Naruto-Kun” but brings nothing to the table. Total wastrels!!!!!

OWNING EACH OTHER’S RIGHTS

This section is exactly where SNS moves on to a whole different level.

Sasuke wanted to inflict his pain over everyone who lives in peaceful Konoha for what it did to Itachi. (though I don’t really accept with Sasuke here since he never even bothered to question about his clan’s history, but what he was doing is understandable. Just like Naruto tells him).

But the context here is Sasuke is on a murder rampage. Starting from the Kage Summit, killing Danzo, unnecessarily hurting Karin and almost reached a point where he could not be stopped anymore. Then Ms.Annoying appears. She literally have no fucking clue what Sasuke is going through. So started to spout nonsense that she wanted to go with Sasuke-Kun with an ulterior motive to kill him without a strong resolve. 

The interesting SS dynamics here is Sasuke asks Sakura “Do you know what I want?” and to which she gives a carefree-shitty-pathetic answer “I don’t care. I will do whatever you want”. Geez!!!

If I were Sasuke, I would think, “This person standing before me don’t even care about what I want but coming with an intent to kill me and not only that... she is a kunoichi from Konoha where I planned to inflict my pain by slaughtering them.. I better ram my Chidori and be done with it”... He doesn’t see her as his former Teammate. He just want to kill that person.

However, Kakashi deflects the attack and saves Ms.Useless. 

( Me : I am a Sasuke fan through and through. But, Sakura..... You always says you will do this, do that.... But you never succeed at anything... Why is that? Why are you even continue being a ninja? No one asked you to kill Sasuke, you decided to. But why don’t you kill him. Probably you would’ve earned my begrudging respect... Pffft” ****sighs with a heavy second hand embarassment)

Anyways, Sasuke becomes an unstoppable maniac at this point because he was very irritated on seeing Kakashi and Sakura spouting some unreachable nonsense. So he started to attack Kakashi as he is even more irritated on seeing his Sharingan.

Again, Ms.Idiot wants to kill Sasuke when he is at his weakest point due to chakra exhaustion and that too from behind his back. (You!!! Gutless wrench). Sasuke sensed this and attempted to kill her again... (Naruto!!! You idiot. Why did you save her...)

However, Naruto appears and saves her. Naruto and Sasuke’s eyes meet each other.

But somehow Sasuke calmed down and hears out Naruto for what he has to say. He says, “Whatever you are doing until now, it’s understandable”. 

Kakashi wanted to kill him and Sasuke got riled up and prepare his Chidori. Anyways, Naruto intervenes and they go to some meta physical plane and talks privately. And Naruto comes up with his idea and announces as below:

Me: Naruto!!!! Sweety..... Do you realize that you have a big dream of becoming a Hokage which you have been shouting from Day 1? But still you want to overthrow everything for that one person who is in unbearable pain. It’s alright. But you don’t want to go alone or send him alone. No Best friend would go this far. And to those Sakura shippers.... Why didn’t Sakura try to bear the burden? Why didn’t she come up with this Idea? Afterall, you spout nonsense like ‘Sakura saved Sasuke from Darkness, isn’t it?’ And, Naruto.... Who gave you the right to take his hatred and shoulder the burden? And what makes you think you are that only person to do it??? Sasuke, might have other special person in those 3 years. How can you decide on Sasuke’s behalf??? Aren’t you going overboard ?

The answer to all the above is simple, Naruto can risk anything for Sasuke. And he clearly knew that Sasuke’s only living bond is him.

And what happened next was almost unbelievable and for the first time I thought ‘What is it with these two guys?’. 

Sasuke agrees with Naruto’s proposition to not destroy Konoha before fighting with Naruto. 

Me: Sasuke!!!! You have every right to reject his proposition. Since, he was not in your life for the past 3 years, your side of bond with Naruto should have been cut-off long back, right? Sasuke??? Well, at this point he was just your former Team 7 member. You don’t need to honor your proposition. You can attack Konoha anytime. Why did you accept?

Also Me: Sweety!!! Why do you always question Naruto ‘Who am I to you’? Why do you need his opinion always? There is an annoying princess standing behind Naruto vying for your attention. And yet you didn’t even ask her this question at any time. But before Naruto, you completely calmed down from your rampage and willing to wait for what he has to say plus asking for his validation. After all you don’t care about anything, why just Naruto???

And the reason being, Naruto is still his closest bond which he couldn’t cut off despite trying very hard. After all, Many years ago, Sasuke was the one, who readily jumped in to protect Naruto knowing full well that it’s a trap. He was ready to throw away his revenge for this boy back then. Sasuke is afraid that he will give in to this bond once more and Naruto is his weakness which he wants to eliminate so badly.

This is definitely not any Best Friend would do..... Fix that in your mind.

The purpose of these GIFs is not show how protective Sasuke is..... Well, I can talk about it all day. Let’s save it.

Me: Yo!!!! Sasuke..... You wanted to kill Naruto.... You said so yourself under the bridge. Meaning, He is the only person standing between your goal and your resolve and Naruto is always known to weaken your resolve. And yet why are you protecting him here? There is absolutely no need. Because, if there is a situation like Kaguya where both of you are must needed to save this world , then there is a reason to save him. But why now? Plus do you know, if Naruto dies, then Madara’s plan may not succeed because if a Jinchuriki dies, tailed beast also dies. It is perfect for your Revolution, isn’t it? Who gave you the right to own his life? Obito has his reason to kill Naruto, why not let him?Why is it that you want to personally remove him from your life? If he is dead by an external factor, you can carry on your path without any interference and pain. Why go so far to protect him ?

The answer is Sasuke values Naruto’s life more than his own even during his Team 7 days. He has this high esteem for Naruto and almost consider it to be a shame if some worthless fool takes his life. And Sasuke never hated Naruto. He once hated Itachi and his resolve to kill was real and intense. But when Orochimaru asked him to kill 1000 people for practice, Sasuke never killed anyone. He even implemented no kill policy for his team “Hebi”. So, someone like Sasuke who never liked to kill random innocent people, how could he let some trash take away a life, he considers dearly to the same level of Itachi? That’s why in this situation, his body moved on his own to protect something special for him. He may not agree it, but he always shows it.

But some other ship wankers try to say Sasuke may have said “You are annoying” but inside he deeply loved her which is why he was smiling. If so, Why didn’t Sasuke never showed his care not even once? He not only tried to kill her twice when she was defenseless but also let her die twice or didn’t bother at all during the war. Or show me where these soul level connection happened between SS or NH

In short, Sasuke and Naruto own each other’s rights unconsciously. Because they are the only ones who can understand each other’s soul which nobody can reach.

Me: Oh, by the way Sasuke, I think Susanoo should be used like this. You really don’t need your hand to protect Naruto. Susanoo can do it’s work for you. Minato would be proud though!!!!

PRIVILEGE

Most of the points I written above are in and of itself is a privilege they give for each other and not for anyone else. Privilege is essential in a ship. Because it shows how different a loved one is from normal people. 

For Naruto, 

I originally want to put how he begs for forgiveness on Sasuke’s behalf before Raikage and weeps immeasurably before hyperventilating. But this one trumps the other. Naruto literally broadcasted everyone how important Sasuke is to him and how he regretted not offering his friendship at that time and how he couldn’t stop Sasuke from reaching Orochimaru. 

If you want to inspire Alliance shinobi forces, you should have shown how you worked so hard from the bottom to top. Projecting Sasuke as your regret and inspiring people shows how deeply you prioritize this person which affects you after so many years and hence, you don’t want any more regrets. 

It’s very unconventionally romantic which passes the shipping category in flying colours. 

For Sasuke,

The following is the Land of the waves arc which was novelized in the name of Innocent Heart, Demonic Blood released in 2006. 99.9% of the material is exactly as it happens in Manga/Anime. 

This is the privilege Sasuke provides for Naruto. “ But coming from Sasuke, It almost counted as a hug”... 

BROWNIE POINTS:

Now, the following are the scenes which add a mysterious flavour to this ship. I sincerely don’t understand why Kishimoto put this. I mean I am absolutely happy with it, but why? What was he thinking while drawing these scenes? 

It’s also strange that, whenever they clash a Chidori with Rasengan..... They always gets repelled to their own sides and fall with a loud thump. But Naruto’s posture looks very perfect, I mean it looks like someone carried him and laid him down. Anyways, What’s Sasuke doing on Naruto’s side?? He should have fell on the opposite side. Why didn’t he walk away? There is absolutely no reason for Sasuke to come over to Naruto’s side and have an intense meaningful gaze. 

This is another mysterious plus intense scene. I am still wondering, Is this really Sasuke? He is a person who avoids casual touches with anyone other than his brother. I’ve seen so many times Sasuke rejecting hugs from Sakura. I can’t even imagine what Kishimoto was thinking. 

If you people pass these scenes off as Brotherhood or Best Friend chemistry... Then you lack basic human emotions. That’s all. 

Me: Well, Sasuke, If you really want to kill him, you should have shovelled your sword right through Naruto’s vital point when you made that exuberant landing. There is literally no need for you to draw a long sword in close quarters. And what about the Personal Space??? With your speed, you can land without leaning on Naruto’s shoulders... 

Also Me: Yo, Naruto... You were panicking when Sai does the same....but you don’t even flinch when Sasuke invades your personal space????

Anyways, it’s funny that both the intense scenes I have mentioned here were initiated by Sasuke. Quite strange and thrilling.

So, to conclude.... All these scenes I have mentioned  made me unconsciously ship them as a pair. With all these being said, I believe all the ingredients for a good romance were laid perfectly. A moment of impulsive tension or affection, say a hug, between them after a difficult battle could mess with both and make a romance happen. And I don’t think either of them will deny especially Sasuke. 

I don’t see any of this aspect in other popular ships such as SS and NH. If I am Sakura or Hinata in this universe, I will not be okay with my pair doing all these things with other person. I intentionally left scenes from Episode 478 as it is so intense and require a separate post. I am happy that even without Episode 478, SNS ship sails high. So, I believe both Sakura and Hinata are still fourth wheeling their respective pairs in Boruto universe also, I guess. 

P.S: I don’t watch Boruto

Final memento:

No way a friend will look this mesmerized on seeing the other one. 

[hercleverboy]

love story

spencer reid x reader 

summary ↠ the story of how spencer and the reader met, and how they began to fall in love.

category ↠ fluff

warnings/includes ↠ none

word count ↠ 4.2k

“We are all better versions of ourselves when we are loved.” — Unknown

Spencer was insane, he was sure of it.

What else would you call him finding himself hopelessly falling for a woman he’d known for less than a month?

Pure insanity.

They first day they’d spoken he hadn’t been paying much attention. It was a beautifully sunny day, with blue skies for as far as the eye could see. It was Saturday, and the team had been graced with the entire weekend off, with Garcia even joking that serial killers seemed to have taken the backseat. And so, Spencer went where he often spent his spare time- the local park, where he could sit with his chess board for hours on end.

Initially, he didn’t notice when someone sat across from him, too engrossed in his game. It’s only when she cleared her throat slightly that he looked up.

The breath quite literally left his lungs, he felt like he was choking.

She was so beautiful.

Far too beautiful to be talking to you, he thought. 

“Hi, I’m sorry to disrupt your game, and please tell me If I’m annoying you and I’ll go but- I was just wondering if you wanted someone to play with?” She asked shyly, a sheepish grin on her lips. She stood next to the table, clutching the strap of her bag in her hands. 

He was staggered to say the least but managed to string together some form of a sentence. “You- you play?”

She let out a small chuckle. “I dabble. My father taught me as a kid, but I don’t play often, so forgive me if I’m a little rusty.” She joked, and he just nodded at her wearily.

He was confused, in all honesty. He moved to look over his shoulder, surveying the many other patrons of the park on this particular Saturday. Out of all the people she could’ve chosen to strike up conversation with, she chose him? 

He was overthinking everything, like he normally did.

It doesn’t mean anything, Spencer. She’s just looking for some company, and god knows you need it. Just don’t scare her off.

He just nodded at her, words escaping him. She perked up at his approval, joyfully taking a seat opposite him and placing her bag by her feet. 

Unsurprisingly, Spencer won easily, within minutes of them sitting down to play. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you were rusty.” Spencer remarked, a poor attempt at a joke. He then quickly realised how cocky and ignorant that must’ve sounded. “I’m- I’m sorry, that wasn’t how I wanted that to sound at all I-”

She’s gonna laugh at you, you know? IQ of 187 means nothing when there’s a pretty girl in front of you, right Reid?

Spencer braced himself to be humiliated, as he was used to being. A feeling of unsettledness filled him as he mentally berated himself for not knowing when to keep his damn mouth shut- wait, why wasn’t she laughing at him? He relaxed slightly, looking over at her cautiously. 

She was watching him intently, a small frown on her face. 

“You don’t have to apologise, I’m not offended. In fact, you’re absolutely right. I should really brush up on my skills before I try playing a professional such as yourself.” She smiled, and Spencer blushed as he ducked his head down, avoiding her eyes.

“I’m not a professional.” He mumbled, trying to hide the smile that pulled at his lips. 

“You’re not? Then you must be a genius.” 

Spencer figured she was probably joking, but having never been very good with social cues, he simply nodded his head at her. When he saw her curious expression, he scrambled to explain himself.  “I am, technically. I have an IQ of 187, I can read 20,000 words a minute and I have an eidetic memory.”

Great, now it sounds like you’re boasting. Why are you being such a showoff, she’s not gonna like that!

Spencer cringed, sighing inwardly, preparing for her to make fun of him. Any possible chance he could’ve had with her was gone, surely she’d think he was weird now.

“Wow, you are? That’s- that’s awesome.” She smiled, and Spencer’s head shot up in slight shock. She smiled at his reaction.

“It’s- I’m- awesome?” He stuttered, and Y/N refrained from showing how his lack of self-confidence made her heart ache a little for him. 

“You sure are. I can only imagine all the cool things you know.” 

He blushed again, smiling slightly at the compliment.

She grinned at him, happy she’d managed to make him smile. “I’m Y/N.” She reached her hand out across the table for him to shake. He just stared at her hand, and she quickly understood, moving her hand back. “Oh, bit of a germaphobe huh? It’s okay, I get it. I once read that with the number of pathogens passed on with a handshake, it’s actually much safer to kiss.”

Huh. As if she wasn’t perfect enough already.

“You knew that?” He breathed.

“Hm. I might not be a genius, but I know a few things.” 

He chuckled a little awkwardly. “I’m- I’m Dr Spencer Reid- I’m Spencer, you don’t have to call me Doctor.” He could feel himself getting flustered under her gaze. 

“You’re a Doctor? Like, of medicine?” She asked inquisitively, tilting her head to the side slightly. 

He shook his head, moving his hands from where they rested on the table to wipe them on his trousers, only then noticing how sweaty they’d gotten. “No, I have three PHD’s, actually. But none in medicine.”

“Three?”

 “I uh- yeah.” He swallowed, nervous as a silence overcame them. Spencer took note of how comfortable he felt, despite his visible nervousness. 

“You- you’re really something special, Dr Spencer Reid.” She smiled, and he could tell it wasn’t meant to sound sarcastic or mean, but instead a warming compliment.

“Uh- thanks.” He uttered, unsure of what to say next. 

You’re beautiful.

That’s what he wanted to say but he couldn’t force his mouth to form the words, no matter how hard he tried.

She flicked her watch up, checking the time before grabbing her little lavender coloured bag. “Sorry but I have to get going. I’ll uh- I’ll see you around?” She smiled, getting up from the seat. Spencer’s eyes followed her as she stood, willing himself to speak his mind.

Please don’t go, not yet.

Stay.

But the only words that left his lips were. “Y-yeah. I’ll see you.”

And then she was gone.

Spencer couldn’t help the smile that graced his lips as he watched her walk away.

*

He didn’t see her for two weeks after that. He’d been called away twice for a case, but every spare minute he had when he wasn’t working he spent sat at the table in the park, waiting to see if she would turn up that day. He felt silly, all the days he’d sat there waiting to see if she’d show. He rarely ever actually played any chess, just attempted to make himself look busy in case she just happened to swing by.

He was starting to lose hope that he’d ever see her again when he felt a familiar presence sit opposite him, the sight of her lavender bag being dropped by her feet. 

“Are you up for a rematch?”

He looked up, trying to act as though he hadn’t dreamt of seeing her again for the last two weeks. 

“Y/N.” Her name left his lips as a statement, relief that she was finally in front of him again. His lips pulled up in a small smile as he took in how she looked, ethereal as ever.

“Dr Reid. How have you been?”

“I’m good, how- how about you?”

“I’m great, thank you.” She beamed, a smile that radiated a warmth that spencer could only compare to the sun. “I was wondering when I’d get to see you again.”

“S-same here.” He grinned bashfully. 

“I came here the other day hoping to see you, but you were nowhere to be found.” She commented, and Spencer cringed.

“I- yeah. I was away for work for a few days.”

“Ah. What do you do for work, if you don’t mind me asking?” She moved to lean her elbows on the table. 

Of course he didn’t mind her asking. He wasn’t sure there was anything he wouldn’t do for her.

Stop. Stop that. You don’t know this girl, Spencer. Don’t fall in love with her, she won’t ever look at you like that.

“No, it’s okay. I uh, work for the Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI.” He winced at how much it sounded like he was flaunting. 

“The FBI, no way.” She smiled, and he simply nodded his head. “That’s another thing to add to the already impressive list of reasons why you’re a pretty awesome guy, Spencer.”

His cheeks flushed again, looking away. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, she smiled sincerely and then looked down at the board between them. “So uh, obviously I’m not very good at chess, and you’re brilliant at it. Would I be overstepping If I asked you to teach me?” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth nervously.

Smiling lightly with a little chuckle. “I- uh- no, not overstepping at all. I’d love to teach you.”

“Great!” She looked down at her watch. “I’ve actually got to run, but I’m free tomorrow if you’re about? How’s 11am for you?”

He found himself nodding, even though his mind was nagging at him.

“Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow, Spencer.” She smiled before standing up, grabbing her bag and waving kindly before turning to leave.

and then again, she was out of sight.

He felt dazed as he stared after her longingly.

*

When 11am rolled around the following day, Spencer made his way to the park with a little skip in his step. He had to keep reminding himself that this was most definitely not a date. He was simply going to help teach her how to play chess, right? Nothing else. 

Don’t get your hopes up. Last time you did you ended up hurt. You remember that? Don’t kid yourself, Reid. 

He pushed the self-depreciating thought deep down, locking it away in his mind. Instead, he focused on the warm feeling he got as he approached their table, seeing her already sat waiting for him. 

He had never been more grateful to not be interrupted by his work. 

She beamed up at him as he took his seat across from her. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” 

“I don’t have anywhere to be today, so I’m all yours Doctor.” She joked, and he chuckled a little, ignoring the small twinge of pain in his chest as he thought about how desperately he wanted that to be true. 

If only you were mine. 

They spent the majority of the day together, Spencer trying numerous tactics to get her to have a better understanding of how the game worked. They even took a lunch break to grab coffee and pretzels from the little stand in the park. Eventually she was playing at a fairly decent level, although still no match for Spencer.

Y/N watched intently as he moved one of his pieces. She knew exactly what he was doing, but still moved her final piece. 

Spencer grinned over at her. “Hey! You won.” He met her eyes, his smile faltering a little. “What?” 

“You totally just let me win.” She deadpanned, and Spencer gasped dramatically. 

“I did not! You’re just that good, I guess.” He shrugged and she squinted her eyes at him playfully, unable to stop the wide smile from forming on her lips. 

Of course, he had obviously let her win. He should’ve known she would be smart enough to see that he’d evidently threw the round so she would win. Spencer reckoned that he’d happily lose every round if it meant he could see her smile like that. 

Spencer didn’t even realise how late it had gotten until the sun began to set, casting a beautiful golden glow across the park- and her.

Y/N tapped the home screen of her phone, and Spencer watched as the screen lit up, displaying the time. “Wow, it got late quickly.” She quipped. “I should- I should really get going.” She stood from her seat, grabbing her bag and hanging it over her shoulder. 

Spencer clumsily stood as well, somehow nearly tripping in the process. “Y-yeah yeah, of course.”

“Thank you for today, Spencer. I had fun.”

“That’s good- that’s good. I’m glad. I had fun too.” He replied, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck nervously. 

She simply smiled with a nod before beginning to walk away, waving as she left.

Spencer’s brain was screaming at him. 

Spencer Reid if you dare let this woman walk away from you for a third time without asking her out I swear to god-

“Hey, Y/N!” He’d already called after her before even thinking about what he was going to say.

She turned around, frowning a little as he caught up to her. “Everything okay?” She asked.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just um- I was wondering if you’d want to go out sometime? I’d love to- to take you out for dinner or something?”

Okay, Reid. Be smooth, stand up straight, stop stuttering. Deep breaths, man. Come on. 

She seemed stunned that he’d asked, and he started to backtrack, apologising profusely for even thinking for a second that she might like him. “I’m sorry, forget I said anything. Have a good night, Y/N.” He turned to walk away, trying to eliminate the burning feeling in his chest when she called his name. When he looked back at her, she was smiling at him. 

“Of course, Spencer. I’d love to go out with you sometime.” 

Relief filled him as he nodded happily, giving her a tight-lipped smile. “Uh well- how about the little Italian restaurant that’s just down the road from here? Does- does Friday around 7pm sound good for you?”

She nodded, grinning contentedly. She then leaned toward him slightly, and Spencer froze. 

Holy shit, she’s totally going to kiss you.

She quickly pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before pulling back with a joyful smile. “I’ll see you on Friday, Spencer.”

Then she walked away again. But this time, Spencer had hope. He put his hand to his cheek, touching the place where her lips had lingered mere seconds before. A smile spread out over his lips. He felt an unfamiliar warmth is his chest. 

He felt happy.

For a split-second, anyway. 

Then his mind caught up with him, and the realisation hit. 

What if you get a case? What’re you gonna do? You didn’t get her number, so you can’t tell her why you won’t be there. She’s gonna think you’ve stood her up!

Spencer sighed, his head dropping into his hands. 

For a genius, you sure are pretty stupid sometimes.

And because it’s just his luck, his phone chimed with a text from Garcia. 

‘Crime fighters! We got ourselves a case!’

Of course.

*

He sat in the local police station, trying to focus on the case files in front of him. But he simply couldn’t focus. His mind kept drifting to her. How she was definitely sat at the dinner table of the tiny Italian restaurant he’d made reservations for, waiting for him. It made his heart ache. He wished he had a way to tell her why he was absent. She deserved better than to be stood up by him.

Morgan was sat next to him at the table, watching his friend intently. When he noticed how long it was taking Reid to read the pages of the case file, which would normally take him a matter of minutes, he knew something was up. So he chucked the case file he was reading down on the table, the loud bang getting Spencer’s attention.

“Okay, Pretty boy. Spit it out.” Derek demanded, in his ‘no nonsense’ tone. 

Spencer’s brows creased in confusion. “Spit what out?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, kid. You’ve been staring at that same page for like fifteen minutes. I know for a fact that your smartass would’ve finished ages ago. Come on, tell me. What’s on your mind?” 

Spencer still tried to play it off, shrugging his shoulders. He really didn’t want any of his friends finding out about Y/N. Not until he was sure if there was something going on between them.

Morgan put on his ‘serious face’, giving Spencer an unamused glare. “You know you can tell me anything, right? Anything you say, I’ll keep between us.” He attempted to persuade him.

Spencer’s shoulders dropped in defeat. It would be nice to get his worries off his chest, and if he showed Morgan how truly bothered by it he was, he wouldn’t ridicule him for it. Hopefully. 

“Okay. This doesn’t leave this room though.” Spencer said, deadly serious.

Morgan smirked a little triumphantly, before crossing over his heart with his finger. “Cross my heart.”

Spencer took a deep breath before starting. “I met this girl.”

Morgan couldn’t contain his reaction, a smile lighting up his face as he leaned over the table to clap Spencer on the back as he grinned. “My man!”

Spencer rolled his eyes. “It’s not like that. At least not yet. I’ve only met her three times. She sat across from me at one of the chess tables in the park. She’s just- she’s beautiful.” Spencer’s last few words were whispered, and he smiled at the thought of her.

“So? Why don’t you go for it?” Morgan asked, as if it was the simplest solution in the world.

“Well- because. I mean- why would she- she wouldn’t like me.” He visibly deflated as he spoke. Morgan was quick to shake his head, leaning forward on his elbows.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Reid. She’d be lucky to have you. Did you at least get her number?”

Spencer shook his head. “No, ‘cause I’m in idiot. I asked her to meet me for dinner today, but then we got called away on this case and now I have no way of telling her that I haven’t stood her up.“ Spencer’s breathing was picking up a little, and Morgan could tell how awful he felt about it all.

Morgan nodded along in understanding. “Hey, hey. Calm down, Reid. It’s okay. When we get back, you’ll just have to find her in the park again and explain everything to her.”

Spencer nodded but still sighed. “And if she doesn’t want anything to do with me?”

“Then it’ll be her loss.” Morgan promised, and Spencer just nodded, biting down on his lip.

That didn’t help at all. She still going to think you’re an ass.

*

Luckily for Spencer, the case didn’t take much longer to crack. Two days later they were touching down on the tarmac at Quantico. Spencer had been nervously bouncing his knee for the entirety of the flight and drinking copious amounts of coffee (his form of liquid courage.)

With some last words of encouragement, Morgan watched as Spencer practically ran down the steps of the jet, grabbing his go bag and heading off. “Go get her, pretty boy!” He called after him, promising to tell his confused team what that meant later. 

Spencer drove quickly to get to the park, where he could only hope she’d be. As he tried his best to focus on the road, he couldn’t help the way he found himself begging all and anyone who was listening to let him fix this. 

Please, if you ever do anything for me Universe, please let it be this. I’m a good guy, all I’ve ever done is help people, so i think you owe me this one. Just please, please let her be there. 

As soon as he stepped through the entryway to the park, he was immediately scanning the few who were there, hoping to find the one person her cared to look for. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to stop stressing out and think for just one moment. He headed towards where they always sat, the place he would now proudly label their seats. 

He didn’t think he’d ever felt happier than when he saw her sat in their spots, her back facing him. He knew it was her by the colour of her hair, and that lavender bag that sat by her feet. 

He took a moment to breathe and calm himself down before approaching her. 

Alright, Reid. This can go one of two ways- Either she hates you, throws everything back in your face, and you never see her again. Or she’s kind enough to give your stupid ass a second chance which you cannot afford mess up. Just, keep it together. 

As he got closer, he noticed how she was playing a game of chess by herself, a skill he’d taught her. He’d mentioned before how being two players really gives you an understanding of the board. He smiled slightly at the sight, knowing she’d taken his words in and actually valued his advice. He sheepishly sat down opposite her and saw how her shoulders visibly tensed as she recognised his presence. 

“I see checkmate in five.” She murmured, not meeting his eyes yet. 

He frowned, that wasn’t what he expected her to say. He observed the board, the cogs turning in his head as he took note of where each piece sat on the board. “I see it in three.” He mumbled, feeling slightly relieved when her eyes flicked up to meet his. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” She whispered back. 

fixitfixitfixityouhavetofixit-

“Y/N I’m so so sorry.” Those were the first words to leave his lips, as he tried to poor as much sincerity into the apology as he could. He was never very good at apologies, and he’d also never felt this way for someone before. In all honesty, it frightened him. He didn’t want to seem vulnerable. Was he supposed to just hand her his heart and trust she wouldn’t break it? 

She smiled sadly at him. “If you changed your mind Spencer you could’ve found me and told me. You know? Instead of just standing me up.” She gave a weak chuckle at that. 

He cringed when she said that. “I didn’t stand you up- well technically I did- but not on purpose! I got called into work for a case and I had to fly to a different state, and I forgot to ask for your number and I had no way to contact you and tell you that I wasn’t standing you up.” He rambled, and Y/N’s eyes widened in realisation. She knew he was telling the truth. He worked for the FBI, it was bound to be a demanding job.

“Oh.” She murmured, not sure what to say. 

He breathed out a heavy sigh, hoping he could still attempt to convince her of how sorry he was. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am. I didn’t want to upset you. Believe me, I was so excited to take you out. Well I was more nervous than anything-“

“Nervous? Why?” She asked inquisitively.

Spencer frowned. It seemed a silly question, wasn’t it obvious? “Why? Why- because you’re absolutely beautiful, that’s why. And for some, unheard of, unimaginable reason you wanted to go on a date with me.”

“Why’s that so hard to believe?” 

“Because- because I’m weird. I talk too much and ramble about things no one cares about, I wear mismatched socks and have a phone that’s ancient ‘cause I repel technology-“ He would’ve continued had Y/N not interrupted him.

“I think you’re phenomenal.” She breathed out, smiling a little. “And you’re very handsome, too.”

“I- thank you.” He looked down at his hands, watching how his thumbs nervously intertwined. “I know you probably can’t forgive me, but I just needed you to know I was sorry. You deserved an explanation.” He mumbled, his shoulders dropping sadly.

“Spencer. I forgive you. It’s okay, really. You work for the FBI, for god’s sake. I think saving lives was more important than dinner. And besides, we can just reschedule for whenever you’re free.” She promised, shrugging like it didn’t matter- because it didn’t, not in the grand scheme of things. 

Spencer was shocked that she wasn’t kicking him to the curb, leaving him like most people in his life seemed to. “You- you don’t- you still want to go out? With me?”

“Yeah, of course I do. I like you, Spencer.” She blushed.

“I- I like you, too. A lot.” He chuckled, and she laughed with him, as he unsuccessfully tried to downplay how attracted to her he was. 

A silence fell on them, both just smiling nervously, trying to figure out where to go next. 

“Would you want to-”

“I just wanted to say-” 

They both stopped midsentence, laughing at one another. 

“You go first.” Y/N giggled. 

“I was just wondering- if you would- would you like to go for a walk maybe? If you don’t have somewhere else to be, that is.” 

She shook her head, biting her lip softly. “A walk sounds lovely.” 

As they began to walk side by side, Spencer, in a move that shocked even him, reached out to gently take her hand in his, intertwining their fingers together. 

It wasn’t love, yet. 

But it was something.

Something that would only blossom into more than either of them could have ever imagined.

*

Tag list (which I completely forgot to put on here when I first posted this fic lmao) : @beyonces-breastmilk @pinkdiamond1016 @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @thelovelyrose