#the fact that they have him listed as guaranteed good with cats is a huge deal

[motherhenna]

Just found a listing for a tri-pod great pyranese mix that's good with cats ╥﹏╥ might have to go meet him too

[missbrunettebarbie]

All the Barbie protagonists I know -from best to worst

I feel like starting with a disclaimer that this is just my opinion, which should be implied. Anyway, this list took forever because I kept switching them. Look I am bad at picking favourites. The top 3 is actually pretty interchangable.

1. Eden Starling (Barbie in a Christmas Carol) - I love her with all my heart and then some. I love her design, her backstory, her personality, how unique she is from every other Barbie on the list. (Whoever came up with Barbie as Scrroge is a genius that deserves an Oscar) The fact that I relate to her in some aspects makes her even more loveable in my eyes. Also I think she deserves #1 spot because out of all the characters on this list she's the one I sorted before even rewatching her movie -and the rewatch confirmed the sorting. She's that memorable!

2. Princess Annika (Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus) - I love her too: her determination,her cleverness, her bravery, her justified anger. The "Destroy Wenlock!" speech alone guaranteed her a place in top 3. The fact that she doesn't back down even in the face of impossible odds - or maybe especially because the odds are impossible, her relationship with Aiden and with Brietta and her passion for ice-skating make her a very interesting character. Annika is a powerhouse and her entire journey is *chef's kiss*.

3. Merliah Summers (Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 1&2) - I think what I love about Merliah is that she put herself first, in both movies. Her first priority was her career as a surfer and only later did she come to accept her role as a mermaid princess. Her relationship with her mother is also great, I love them when they get along and I also love them when they don't - probably my favourite mother-daughter relationship from all the Barbie movies. Merliah's initial skepticism, her putside the box thinking and her competitive streak are delightful. Also her and Kylie might my favourite ship in the Barbieverse.

4. Blair Willows (Barbie Princess Charm School) - A Barbie with actual money problems?! Of course I was soft for Blair from the very begining. Her dedication and love to her adoptive family made her an instant fave. I loved that once Dean Privet helped her with her lessons she did her damn best to graduate from the school. She had her clothes torn, was accused of theft and looked in a safe, yet nothing stopped her.

5. Mariposa (Barbie: Mariposa) - I always had a soft spot for her as a kid. Her desire for adventure -for escape- the way she felt like she didn't quite fit in, her love for books, the somehow-anti-social attitude made her a perfectly relatable character in little!me's eyes. The way she refused to believe the rumors and the stereotypes in the second movie makes her even better. I loved her friendship with Catania and her romance with Carlos was cute too. Also her design might be my second favourite after Eden's.

6. Ro/Princess Rosella (Barbie as The Island Princess) - This movie is a goddamn masterpiece and Ro is a huge part of why. First I cannot help but be impressed by how adaptable she is: not only did she survive on a deserted island for ten years, she thrived. And then she had the courage to leave the only home she knew to go with Antonio and find answers about who she is. My heart ')). Then there is the fact that she risled her own freedom to help save the animals or how she was ready to step back and let Antonio do his duty and marry Luciana despite the fact that she loved him. And the ending wjere she finds her mother and starts singing the lullaby? It is what had cemented my love for this film and this character.

7. Corrine (Barbie in the three Musketeers) - In a lot of ways I find her and Merliah very similar -they both have goals they want to achieve and are somehow selfish because of it in the begining- but I think Corrine is a much kinder person: remember when she got that violin bow for one of the girls as a way to apologize? It felt like such a character establishing moment. I love that she took no shit for anyone, even the prince, and never faltered for one second in her desire to be a musketeer.

8. Princess Genevieve (Barbie in the 12 Dancing Princesses) - In a lot of ways she reminds me of Blair as she's a quieter personality but forceful in her own way. The way she always stood up for her younger sisters, her love for dancing, her relationship with her father and the fact that she was so heart-eyes when it came to Derek -seriously I don't think any other Babrie was so smitten with her LI from the very first moment- made sure she'll have a place in top 10. The only reason why she's not higher is because I love the others more.

9. Princess Annelisse (Barbie as Princess and the Pauper) - I think my favourite thing about Annelisse is that she completely understood her duties as a princess and was ready to sacrifice her personal happiness for her people. I also really like how she never shied from using her royal status- even if it didn't really work- or how she still tried to help the other taylor with the work when she was thought to be Erica, pity she had zero skill. Her relationship with her mom is my second favourite after Merliah-Calissa. Also collecting rocks is such an unique hobby AND she's a cat girl. Of course I love her.

10. Erika (Barbie as Princess and the Pauper) - Another cat girl! And so snippy and unafraid to be herself. Her dynamic with Annelisse is gold: Erika had all the reasons to despise Annelisse but instead clearly ~bonded with her from the very first moment and went along with an insane plan just to help her. Not to mention, she's the first Barbie who explicitly said "I am gonna fulfill my dreams and have the guy I love; what's this nonsense about choosing only one?" and I have to appreciate her for it.

11. Rapunzel (Barbie as Rapunzel) - The fact alone that she is best friends with a dragon gives her major points in my books. Her love of painting and the way she used it as a literal way of escape? Go, girl! The fact that she refused to let Stefan tell her his name just to make sure Gothel won't find out? Impressive and so spiteful! And the disgust in her voice when she realized Gothel had kept her prisoner for years because her father hadn't married her? Perfect.

12. Kristyn Farraday (Barbie in the Pink Shoes) - I really liked her enthusiasm for getting to actually be the characters she didn't even get to dance in the real world, the way her mind immediately internalized the rules of the fairytale-esque world despite how insane it was and how she refused to conform to the rules. I see the movie as an exploration of Kristyn's creepling fear of failure and the pressure she felt as a proffesional ballet dancer and seeing her come out triumphant on her own terms felt really good.

13. Actress!Barbie (Fashion Fairytale and Fairy Secret) - Probably the most three-dimensional of the "real" Barbies. I think what I like most at her is her determination to save Ken in the second movie. What can I say, I love a Barbie-in-shining-armour. I also like that she knew when to step back and let others do their jobs - in fact she doesn't so much in the first movie, just motivates people. If I had to pick a Barbie to have as a friend, I think she'll be my first choice. She seems like a good listener and someone who knows how to solve problems.

14. Elina (Barbie: Fairytopia 1&2&3) - She is an interesting character and one whose stories I do like, but something never clicked for me when it comes to Elina. Buut, this doesn't mean I don't appreciate her desire to save everyone or how she never drowned in self-pity when she was the only fairy without wings.

15. Clara (Barbie in the Nutcracker)- Clara doesn't get the chance to do much, but I love the glimpses of her intelligence we see (how she figured out the Nutcracker is Eric) or how she longs for adventure and excitment.

16. Thumbelina (Barbie present Thumbelina) - I like that she's an inventor and that she is ready to use Mackena to save her home, but overall I found her unimpressive.

17. Liana (Barbie and the Diamond Castle) - I always had a grudge on her as a child on Alexa's behalf. I always felt like Liana dragged her down. This being said, Liana is still a super smart cookie and very devoted to her friends so she avoids being even lower on the list.

18. Princess Lumina (Barbie: Pearl Princess) - The most memorable things about her are how she loooved having a job and how she refused to condemn the woman that may have raised her but had also kidnapped her from her family. Now both these traits should make her an intriguing character, unfortunately the movie is pretty boring and it never taps into Lumina's potential.

19. Princess Alexa (Barbie and the Secret Door) - Look I relate to her: Lover of books? Check. Desire to escape your life full of rules? Check. Not good with people? Check. But Alexa's development was so weird, the movie was very boring and felt like it had no trajectory and it affected the protagonist a lot.

20. Odette (Barbie in Swan Lake) - She just...doesn't do much. I wish we have seen her more involved in her own story. Not to mention I really didn't understand why she was so afraid of being in the spotlight or how being turned into a swan helped her get over it.

21. Starlight!Barbie (Barbie: Star Light Adventures) - I think my opinion of her -and the whole movie- can be summed up in the world "meh". There is simply no spark of life here.

22. Teen!Barbie (Barbie Diaries) - I have such an overwhelming repulsion towards "unpopular" girls wanting the be popular. Especially since I cannot see what exactly is holding Babrie back from being happy? She seems to have everything (great friends, nice life, good grades and music talent!), but doesn't care about any of it. Not to mention, she's the only Barbie who has to settle for a guy that was pining for her while she only saw him as a friend and I resent that.

[drzibs]

DSMP Character Hybrid HCs

Note: if your fave is not on this list i apologize, im including characters i know better personality-wise and ones i know the lore of. this is also excluding characters with confirmed hybrid traits (Fundy, Schlatt, Puffy, etc.).

C!Philza - Turkey Vulture

i know crowza is like. virtually canon at this point but i read a small poem a while back about vultures being physical guides for spirits to the after life and i just think thats such a cool vibe, paired with him being married to the literal goddess of death n all. also it could account for his intimidation factor; have you ever seen a vulture irl? theyre HUGE. and what do you think when you see vultures circling? ‘oh, i wonder what died.’ case and point; vulture philza.

C!Wilbur - Weasel/Fox

i mainly like this one from a narrative perspective. typically in lesson-telling folklore, the fox is seen as a smart individual looking to either trick the main focus of the story or to cause mischief. c!wilbur’s initial goals when creating the hotdog stand was to illegally corner the potion market and swindle the server for his own benefit. see the correlation? and even though his motives have changes since the early smp days, i think that want to cause chaos is still there. also his son is a fox, so -hypothetically- it would make sense.

C!Sapnap - Badger

“pandascanpvp” this and “sapnap is pandas all mussed around” that. do NOT try to sway me, i am standing my ground here. pandas are push overs, and mr. nap is anything but. sapnap is always down for a brawl, especially if the people he loves are in trouble, and badgers will absolutely mess you up if they feel threatened in the same regard. its the same black and white color palette too, so i dont see a downside here. maybe im not making sense to anyone but myself but i guarantee he would be a badger.

C!George - White tailed Deer

yes, c!george is the mushroom man, sleeping beauty in the woods. but think of the art that could come from this! c!george with huge beautiful antlers, draped in vines and various flora because of the length of time hes been asleep. you can even add mushrooms too if you like! and oh my gosh, a litte fairy village built across his antlers and shoulders, put there by DreamXD to protect him in his resting state. to me, seeing a deer in a forest just seems so mythical to me, and it feels like a good fit here.

C!BBH and C!Skeppy - Great Dane and Pomeranian

ok, just— just hear me out. big and little vibes? check. gentle giant and scrappy tiny best friend? check. intimidating beast and their treasured possession? i think ive made my case.

C!Jack Manifold - Black cat

this is based on the fact that the poor man has bad luck no matter what he does. hes like his own harbinger of misfortune. at first it was a joke, like “oh very funny, its cause of the superstition. nice one” but it just continued. and then he literally went to Hell and back. and now hes convinced that hes actually cursed. but hes not, he is just really really good at being in the wrong place at the right time.

C!Dream - Alligator

no, this is not about him being from florida. well, it kinda is. but not really. i like the thought of c!dreams character being a little unsettling to look at, with the scales and the slitted eyes and just overall reptile aesthetic. he adopts the smile mask not too long after tommy joins, as the thought of more people seeing him and having an immediate impression based on his looks alone. despite the attempt, the server begins pegging him as the bad guy, and he decides that if hes gonna be the villain, its gonna be through action and not his complexion. only tommy and the original eight on the server have truly seen his face.

C!Tommy - Parrot

this stems from me missing origin smp and being so fond of philza teaching tommy to fly, like i just wanna see it so bad. raccooninnit is os really good too but parrotinnit??? plus he has a habit of mimicking phrases around him so he is terrible at keeping secrets.

[imagineurfavs]

Astro: Moonbin A-Z

“Can you do A-Z nsfw for Moobin from Astro? Ty if you do!”

“hihi can I get a astro moonbin A-Z like you did for eunwoo? thank you so much, love your writing :)”

----------

A - Aftercare He’d be super into aftercare, but from more of a health conscious perspective lol. Like to be fair, y’all have just exerted a huge amount of energy so I guess it’s considered a workout?? He’d probably turn back up with a banana and some oat milk afterwards lol

B - Body Part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner) On himself he likes his back, he loves nothing more than feeling your nails running down his spine. On his partner, he loves their thighs/butt, anything he can grab a handful of basically lmao

C - Cum Boy can get kinda aggressive when he cums lol like he’d really be slamming against you, lowkey growling and everything lmao. Has zero preference for where he cums lol, it’s honestly the last thing on his mind at the time

D - Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) He’s kinda always had a bit of an attraction to pet play. Not like all of what it entails, but like the whole owner/property aspect of it, as well as the outfits which he finds super hot. Just picturing you in cat ears...only cat ears and maybe a tail, really gets him going. He just doesn't want you to accuse him of being a furry so he never brings it up lol

E - Experience Maybe a little bit, like he’s no stranger to those kinda things, but I dont think he’s some kinda sex guru either lol

F - Favourite Position doggy for suuuuure. He’ll keep a vice grip on your hips the entire time, hard enough to leave tiny fingertip sized bruises for the next couple of days. 

G - Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous etc) It’s more so afterwards, when he comes back down to earth, that he goes back to being all smiley and silly. In the moment he’s really not goofy at all, he’s in dom mode lmao this aint no time for giggles.

H - Hair (how well groomed are they) He tries to keep it well groomed, but sometimes he just really can’t be bothered lol so it varies between super tidy and neat, to being kinda unkempt 

I - Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect) His intimacy would usually come out after the fact, but during, he’s really not that intimate. Like, if it’s a special occasion; valentines day, your birthday etc maybe then he’d make an exception. But aside from that, not really lol

J - Jack Off (Masturbation) I picture it being something he does after working out lol, as a way to channel all that excess energy. So, basically look at how jacked he is, think about how often he must work out...that’s how often he does it lmao

K - Kinks (one of more of their kinks) Loves bringing food into the equation lol, he’d definitely have wanted to try licking melted chocolate off of you numerous times. 

L - Location (Favourite places to do the do) I feel like, privacy being guaranteed; he’d love to have sex somewhere outdoors. Like even if that meant renting someones airbnb to go on holiday just to have sex in the garden lmao. As long as it’s private, and preferably grassy, that’s all that matters

M - Motivation (What turns them on) He loves it when you dress up for him. Not even particularly in a sexy lingerie type of way lol, just when you put on something specifically bc you know he likes it. Just fills him with the urge to rip it all right off you

N - NO (something they won't do, turn offs) I don’t really think there’s that many things he’s totally opposed to, 

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) This could be a good or a bad thing depending on your own taste lol but he gets super messy when giving oral like, he’s all over the place

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc) Definitely on the rougher end of the scale. He’ll start off slower, but somehow always ends up getting to an unholy pace lmao. 

Q - Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc) He likes them, he really likes them, he’s just not very good at them if that makes sense lol. He’s not very good at making it quick, and he always ends up getting carried away. 

R - Risk (are they down to experiment, do they take risks?) He’s definitely down, he’ll be open to try literally whatever you might suggest lol. He’ll definitely have his own list of stuff to try out as well

S - Stamina (how many rounds can they go, how long do they last? etc) Honestly he’s not gonna wanna stop until you ask him to. He can go for however long you need

T - Toy (do they own toys do they use them on a partner or on themselves?) I don’t think he’d own any himself, but he’s for sure open to y’all getting a bunch to experiment with. He’d love to have them used on him as much as being used on you. He particularly likes being blindfolded lmao

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease) He’s more so a tease with his words than with his actions, the shit he’d say good lord, who knew he had such a dirty mouth :oooo Needless to say he loves it just as much when you say equally explicit things right back to him

V - Volume (how loud are they, what type of sounds they make) He’s a growler lol, they can be kinda quiet, but they are there. I feel like he’ll be super quiet during the build up/foreplay, but as he really gets going, he can get reeally loud. rip neighbours lol

W - Wild Card (a random headcannon) Two words. Sex swing. He’s had the urge to buy one for the longest time but is lowkey intimidated by them bc they look like...a lot to deal with. But the thought of cumming whilst suspended in midair, or hitting it from the back whilst gravity propels you onto his cock is just something that gets him hard just thinking about

X - X-ray (what's going on inside those pants) Pretty much average in length, maybe a tiny bit thicker than average, quite veiny

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive) It’s pretty high, or at least a little higher than average. Maybe 3-4 times a week lol, could be less depending on how intense the sessions get 

Z - Zzz... (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He’ll be knocked out RIGHT AWAY. Like its honestly kinda insane how quickly he can just clock out afterwards 

[therappundit]

Top 10 Rappers of 2020

The finish line of this long, surreal year is finally upon us...which means that it’s time for me to throw down the gauntlet in the ‘Best of 2020’ frivolous list race!  🙌

*Just to be clear*: this is a list of MCs who I believe turned in the best overall performances in 2020. ***This is NOT a list of the my top 10 favorite MCs***, or even who I believe to be the best MCs in the world at the moment...these are simply dope artists that put forth the strongest, most consistently interesting and important (to the genre) high-quality work in the perilous year that was 2020. 

If you think your favorite MC was slighted....well, Michael Jordan is the greatest to ever play the game of basketball but even he didn’t win MVP every year, right? I encourage you to write your own list - it’s a cool way to dap artists that are too often overlooked by industry websites, and share the music you enjoy with others that may not have given the record a spin otherwise.

Even if 2020 didn’t bring you the “instant classic” you had been hoping for, I think it’s hard to deny that this year really had impressive depth when it came to showcasing some of the most diverse music that the genre has to offer.  I can’t speak for music in general - sadly I’m just The Rap Pundit, not The Music Pundit - but I can say that it has been an impossible task to keep a playlist less than 500 songs deep at a time, because for every truly great release in 2020 there seemed to be 30 very good releases. 👌

So how did I come about these 10 MCs (and Honorable Mentions)? Before you get huffy about who I snubbed (and that is pointed directly at my jury of older head peers that consider themselves tastemakers, but also haven’t opened their minds up to any new takes on rap styles since the year 2000)...here are the five chief pieces of criteria that I put into finalizing my list:

- quality (whatever lane you’re in, how often did you ‘own it’?)

- quantity (at least 10 very good-to-great songs released, and 3-4 verses that stand out as a ‘must-hear’ for any rap music fan)

- consistency (not just 4-5 great features and a few forgettable solo tracks, will I want to keep at least 7 or 8 of your own new songs released in 2020 in my rotation for 2021?)

- impact (are you so vital to the type of rap music you make that if you stopped rapping tomorrow, there’s no one else in the game that could fill that void?)

- “it” factor (are you carried by a co-sign or an elite production team, or did you bring a style/talent to the table that could carry a record in and of itself?)

Got it? Then here we go...

1. Conway the Machine

I hope 2020 was the type of year that Conway the Machine had been hoping for since he first began his journey with rap music. After years of scraping and hustling towards music industry recognition (and not just cult figure status), at year’s end we see Griselda’s top Lieutenant holding down a rare balancing act: champion of underground hip-hop, and most requested feature by any mainstream rap star looking to add some tough-talking muscle to their album.

While much of Conway’s content has always been driven by surviving an attempt on his life in 2012, much like 50 Cent, Conway’s way with words and perspective manage to elevate the quality of his material to a higher tier than most. And where - at least in his heyday - 50 Cent benefited from an indestructible super-villain persona, Conway’s success can be greatly attributed to a larger-than-life heart.  With every braggadocious act of gunplay, there are moments of gratefulness to still being alive to share success with his brethren, as well as a painful longing to be with close allies that are no longer with him (at least not in the physical form).

Above all else, in 2020 Conway the Machine did what he has always done throughout his career: delivered well written, passionate bars about coming up in an impossibly challenging environment and coping with loss...only now his craftsmanship and understanding of how to channel all of those feelings into a more polished final product have yielded the most well-rounded solo project of his career in From King to a God. Progress is a slow process, but the long and winding road has finally taken Conway a step closer to that G.O.A.T. status he will hopefully continue to reach for...

Best Evidence: FKTG, and a countless number of scene-stealing verses alongside rap acts ranging from deep underground to household names

2. Freddie Gibbs

I don't use the word "sauce" all too often (this may actually be the first time), but if there was any MC guaranteed to bring sauce to any rap record right now, it's Freddie Gibbs. 

Forever existing somewhere between gritty gangsta and syrupy old soul, the flavor that Freddie brings to every verse is malleable enough to work on virtually any type of record, which was certainly proven in 2020. Anyone foresee a Gibbs & Alchemist Grammy nomination heading into 2020? It’s a testament to how high quality work, through consistent reliability and dues paid, can elevate a project from underground niche following to critical acclaim. While his work with Alchemist may not reach the lofty levels of his heralded collaborations with Madlib, Alfredo represents the best that “quarantine music” can offer...two talented friends saying one day, “hey we should finally drop a full tape together, why not?” - and then BOOM, it happens.

Too many fail to remember that Gibbs already has a long accomplished body of work behind him...so the fact that he may just be entering his prime now, is scary.

Best Evidence: Alfredo, Machinedrum’s “Kane Train”

3. Boldy James

Comeback MC of the year, and no it is not close (but big shout-out to Grafh, another dope MC who had an amazing year).

I'm old enough to remember when folks like Roc Marciano and Ka were seen as sleepy, monotone rappers with little hope of reaching permanent rap icon status (flash-forward to today, and they are widely consider geniuses). For some, the quieter, less hook-dependent approach to making rap songs, was....well, not great rap music. They were wrong then and they’re wrong now, but similar to how the coolest, smartest cat in the room is rarely the loudest, it can take some time and patience before everyone learns what’s what. Time is what is required to appreciate Detroit’s Boldy James, a veteran that has been through it - both in terms of the ups and downs of the music business, as well as the streets through which he draws his stories and inspiration.

Boldy makes it seem all too easy, rapping his verses with the cool, casual tone of telling old stories to a close friend over drinks. Dropping multiple projects (with one still to come) in one year can often lead to over-saturation. Even the most dedicated fans/stans can begin to feel less enthusiastic about new releases when they have already received a healthy portion of more of the same...but most rap fans are not necessarily Boldy James fans. Boldy fans (much like Roc Marciano and Ka fans) are already aware that knowing what type of material to expect from your favorite MC can be a blessing if that MC takes pride in the execution of the final product, rather than the noise leading up to it. 

The beauty of his collaboration with The Alchemist (big year for that guy, huh?), The Price of Tea in China, is that it celebrates the more subtle nuances of boom-bap, proving that great MC and producer chemistry can trump the “shock & awe” of more uptempo rap music. The shock in Boldy James’ lyrics sits within the detailed descriptions of the cold world he grew up in...so monotone or not, how can any music could be more gripping than that?

Best Evidence: TPOTIC, Manger On McNichols, a long list of consistently perfect feature verses

4. 42 Dugg

I would say this is more of a longterm investment rather than the celebration of a rapper already within rap’s inner circle, but 42 Dugg didn’t just steal the show on every feature this year, he also displayed maturity in his ability to craft well-rounded, high quality rap singles. I’m talking joints that work just as well on the street tape level as they would at the radio level. That is especially rare to see from a rapper that is still relatively new to national conversations. 

So much more than just a co-sign of Lil Baby and Yo Gotti, the Detroit eastsider has already proven that he can craft a full solo album with the swagger of a far more seasoned MC. 42 Dugg combines a Boosie-esque, "oh you think you’re better than me??” chip on his shoulder with the unpredictable bombast of Lil Wayne. What he may lack in punchlines he makes up for in musicianship, his voice bringing one of the most nimble touches to trap music that I have heard in a long time. 42 Dugg music is hard and soulful, with the natural hunger of a rapper that knows me might be one smash away from superstardom. By this time next year, I’m betting he will be. 

Best Evidence: Young & Turnt 2 (Deluxe), features on high profile records like Lil Baby’s “Grace” and “We Paid”, and a growing stream of attention grabbing solo loosies

5. Rome Streetz

In 2020 it was almost impossible to be an underground MC with a great project unless you landed a Rome Streetz verse. 

Rome has been bubbling for a while now, but in 2020 he unleashed an onslaught on the game. At times he seemed like the hardest working MC in underground circles, busting his ass to not only make as many appearances as possible, but also to own any song he guested on. He raps like every verse might be “the one” that gets him a huge contract, and that’s a level of hunger and consistency that will likely land him more than one huge contract someday. In spite of that laundry list of strong features, the young Brooklyn MC still managed to release multiple dope solo projects, all flashing a rap style that feels at once a throwback and the fresh voice NYC rap needs. 

Rome is clearly from the same school as many of the New York City greats, because he has the capacity to deliver dark, potent bars with the sharp intellect of a Harvard lecture (think AZ before “Sugar Hill”). While he sounds most at home when he’s rhyming over instrumentals that run more coldblooded than a horror flick, it’s easy to picture him popping up in more places in 2021...if that’s even possible.

Best Evidence: Noise Kandy 4, Kontraband, The Residue, and at least 50 incredible features with a who’s-who of the underground’s finest

6. Stove God Cook$

No one saw this coming....well, maybe Roc Marciano, Lord Jamar, Busta Rhymes and a few more NYC heads in the know - but I guarantee you, no one else saw the Stove God coming!

Bar for bar, no MC owned more rewind-worthy rap quotables in 2020 than Stove God Cook$. Dropping a solo debut with VERY little fanfare and zero features (apart from the steady, reliable guidance of Roc Marciano - low key one of hip-hop’s most reliable producers), a slow bubbling word of mouth campaign on social media eventually got Stove God verses exposed to more and more high profile ears. Such a grass roots campaign is rarely seen...I mean, a rap album slowly becoming a critical darling simply off the strength of more and more random folks discovering the music and Tweeting about it, as opposed to the buzz being calculated before the product??? It feels almost too good to be true these days, as early reviews of Reasonable Drought typically lead with something along the lines of, “hey, have you heard of this album? I have no idea who this is, but it is 🔥🔥🔥”

It has often been said that Roc Marciano has a lot of “sons” in the game, implying that Roc Marci gave birth to a style that a whole generation of underground MCs run with today. So it’s ironic (or perhaps highly appropriate?) that the next level of progression for Roc might be to have a protege, a young Jedi to carry on the tradition on Roc’s own terms, and become the next new star to be embraced by the old heads. But Stove God isn’t a clone of Roc, or anyone else, he’s simply one of the most exciting artists to hit the NYC underground in a generation. Everything from his word choice, to his fresh references and sense of humor, to his delivery and the way he structures his verses, feels like a collection of “firsts”, there’s simply no one sounding like him. And if his work in 2020 is any indication, he will continue to be in a league of his own for years to come.

Best Evidence: Reasonable Drought, spotlight snatching features alongside Roc Marciano and Griselda’s finest

7. Lil Baby

Once viewed by some as just another “Lil”, Lil Baby had been rollin’ coming into 2020, but by the end of 2020 it’s clear that he has arrived at the forefront of rap music’s most reliable hitmakers right now. 

A must-have feature on any rap album reaching for max exposure, Lil Baby’s dexterous flow, charisma, and pen that is significantly sharper than early reports indicated, made him one of the few shining stars in 2020 to consistently deliver good rap music to what in any other year would have been considered smash hits in any club.

What makes Lil Baby’s music standout is that he could easily be a “cookie cutter” MC, phoning in verse after verse just to get another check, but instead he continues to bring it - trying to squeeze in an extra catchy lyric, maybe flow in a way that breaks up a verse to make it stand out from the pack a little more - and even when he is featured over cookie cutter beats that sound like every other trap inspired beats that came before it, Baby seems eager to prove something. I think that’s what I like about him - he’s on a short list of mainstream-bred Young Thug disciples that seem to really want to put the work in to becoming one of the greats. 

Best Evidence: I mean...did any rap star have more songs in circulation this year? Dude was everywhere, but “The Bigger Picture” got his name officially into the lyricist conversation (even though personally I don’t even think it’s one of his more impressive records - at least not stylistically)

8. Westside Gunn

No one denies that the Griselda Records team had a banner year, yet somehow the vocal leader of the group managed to drop a handful of dope projects without receiving credit for being a great MC in his own right. Great artist, great album curator, great business man - sure, but great MC?? That credit is rarely given to the FLYGOD. He might not even understand how natural he is as a solo MC, waxing unpredictable flows and half-bars that stick in your mind in place of catchy hooks or predictable song structure. He might call himself an artist first, but I still call him one of the most prolific rappers today (regardless of whether he retires after the ball drops).

I can’t believe I have to tell rap fans this in the year 2020...but......you all know that message and punchlines are just part of the art of rapping, right...and not the only thing that defines who is a dope MC and who isn’t?? Play any solo cut from Westside Gunn and filter out the “doot-doot-doots” and stream of conscious hooks and what you are left with is one of the most distinctive voices in rap music, attempting off-kilter flows and phrases over some of the most impressive production in rap music today, and to me that sounds like my kind of rap music. What the Buffalo floor general lacks in diversity of subject matter he makes up for with a relentless imagination.

That’s why it’s not all that surprising to me that Westside Gunn enjoyed more mainstream attention in 2020 than he ever has before. All he needed was a window of exposure and he certainly capitalized on it, pitching his sound and his vision in all the right places, without compromising his style or vacating his lane. So strictly as a MC, I would consider him the Young Thug of the east coast underground scene, and if 2020 does turn out to be his final year of recording solo projects, I am thankful that he already has a long list of quality projects with high replay value to revisit again and again. But don’t wait - give this man his flowers now.

Best Evidence: “Euro Step”, “Rebirth”, “327″, “Shawn vs. Flair”, “Michael Irvin”, and YES he even had a more than worthy verse on “$500 Ounces” alongside Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano

9. Benny the Butcher

Who else is more reliable to deliver a dope feature verse than Benny?

By now you must be muttering at least a few things about me, so let me just make two points: YES, I am a big fan of Griselda records, but NO I do not consider that an unreasonable bias because even on paper according to a large variety of sources, it’s clear that Conway, Boldy James, Westside Gunn and Benny are true specialists when it comes to the quality of the work they distribute. Its not a fluke or a trend, they’re just that good at what they do...I have been saying this for almost 5 years now, but in 2020 the rest of you sleepy heads finally just stopped hitting snooze.

Benny the Butcher already possesses the writing capacity, attention to detail, and skills of observation/personal reflection to put himself within special company as one of the nicest pens in the business today. But in 2020, he dialed things up even higher...or perhaps word of mouth just finally caught up with the rest of his peers? The tribute to the classic Roc-A-Fella era that was his Burden of Proof project with Hit-Boy helped expose Benny to a much larger audience, and it has been beautiful to see so many more folks quoting and sharing his lyrics on Twitter, because I recall when he had about the same amount of Followers that I do, because it wasn’t all that long ago (I just hope they go back to experience all of his prior work - I’m still partial to his incredible verses on “Shower Shoe Lords” and “Pissy Work”)! 

In my not so humble opinion, I do think some of the more dramatic pomp and circumstance on the BOP album was more suited to a Rick Ross or Meek Mill than Benny, so I’m actually more excited to hear what Benny has in store for 2021. He truly sounds at his best over more minimalistic production that lets his lyrics fill the spotlight...but still, tracks like “Timeless” and “Legend” do remind me of some of my favorite moments from old JAY-Z albums...blasphemous, maybe, but true.

A shot to the leg last month seems to have done nothing to slow his momentum, so if you didn’t board the bandwagon by now, you are inexcusably late.

Best Evidence: Burden of Proof, mercilessly slaughtering every verse on every Griselda projects, and a ton of show-stealing features

10. Drakeo the Ruler

What a journey it's been for the L.A. rising star. 

Flexing a penchant for placing local slang into his music and delivering dark verses with a clear sense of humor, it's easy to see the appeal of Drakeo's style. If Thank You For Using GTL was an inspiring attempt to do anything possible to keep his buzz going (in that case, recording his verses over a prison phone), the quick release of We Know The Truth shortly after he regained his freedom seems to have given him a 50 Cent-esque teflon aura at the moment. 

But this is about more than just Drakeo himself, it’s about what he represented before incarceration, and what he represents now. As one of the more visible forces in a new generation of west coast hip-hop, Drakeo was a few key features away from exploding onto the national scene. Now after surviving his ordeal, likely with a great deal more to write about, his ceiling has only been raised - and along with his growth potential, so rises the potential for the current rap scene out in L.A. right now. Mark my words: by this time next year Drakeo’s flow will be one of the most flagrantly jacked flows in rap music coast to coast.

A sincere welcome home from the rap world, Drakeo the Ruler. Hopefully the worst is now behind you. 🙏

Best Evidence: We Know The Truth, Free Drakeo, Thank You For Using GTL

*Honorable Mentions*:

Che Noir, Ka, Ransom, Billy Woods, Royce Da 5′9″, Jay Electronica, Fly Anakin, Curren$y, Lil Uzi Vert, Roc Marciano, Skyzoo, Black Thought, Tee Grizzley, Your Old Droog, Flee Lord, Lil Wayne

[mxstyassasxin]

WIP Fic Recs Abound!

Thought I’d put together a list of WIPs that I’m currently following and would recommend to you all <3 

Drarry:

Instinct is a Marvellous Thing by @drarrymehome - A few months after defeating Voldemort, a grief-stricken Harry goes in search of the family he has always wanted. The search takes him to a place where everything is the same but a little bit different. Harry quite likes it there, although maybe everything isn't as it seems.But what happened to the people Harry left behind? The disappearance of Harry Potter rocked the wizarding world like nothing else, and when Draco Malfoy is accused of his kidnapping, why won’t he tell everyone the truth about what happened? Would they even believe him if he did?More importantly, where is Harry Potter and is he coming back? 

I’m loving this! It’s full of mystery and intrigue with a wonderfully pining Draco. A really well-paced slowburn where Harry has been a bit of an idiot and Draco’s trying to fix it. Beware the angst when barriers spring up in his efforts and when Harry starts to discover the truth.

Cherie, parchments and quills by Oleonetta - A birthday gift voucher for Le'Amortentia - the dating service, sends Harry into a whirlwind of words after choosing the profile of one man that sound very interesting and mysterious.Unable to disclose anything that reveals his name or identity, Harry must rely on words via a magical connected parchment to get to know the other man. Only time will tell if they wish to met.Meanwhile, Harry had started his 10th year as a Hogwarts professor, and this year ... one Mr Draco Malfoy has taken over the position of potions professor.

Professor Drarry! Letter writing! Both tropes that I really enjoy and this does not disappoint. The glee I feel knowing things as the reader when Harry and Draco don’t is brilliant and the fic is so full of amazing details that make it really heartwarming and emotional. 

Dramione:

The Auction by @lovesbitca8 – In the wake of the Dark Lord's triumph over Harry Potter, the defeated must learn their new place. Hermione Granger has been captured to be sold to the highest bidder as the top prize at an auction of Order members and sympathizers. But despite the horrors of Voldemort's new world, help seems to arise from the most unlikely of places.

Voldemort wins au, part of the Rights and Wrongs series. Start with The Right Thing To Do (not Voldy wins) because The Auction is the playout of something brought up in that by Draco and I love how fleshed out the little detail has become. Also, can I just give a cheer for all the bamf women in this fic! 

Professors by GinFics (edit: now complete) – Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the Hogwarts professors have been totally re-staffed by none other than the Golden Trio and their classmates. Ever since the Battle, Hermione has been dating Ron, though things haven't been good between them in a long time. With Draco and Hermione heading up the school's Dueling Club, it's guaranteed to be an interesting year, indeed.

What it says on the tin so far. Lovely fic about Draco and Hermione getting together at Hogwarts when they return to teach there. I love romantic Draco and the two of them wanting to do the best by each other and keep the other safe from the reactions of friends and family. Also, yey for supportive Harry and McGonagall

Bless the Broken Road by SnowblindLissaDream @snowblind12 @lissadream – Almost fifteen years post the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy find themselves in a life they could never have imagined. Both have lost their spouses in untimely deaths. Both have young children to contend with. What will happen when their worlds reconnect via a spouse loss grief group put on by St. Mungo's?

Draco is such a sweetie in this fic and the way he interacts with Rose and Hugo is wonderful. He’s there for Hermione when Ginny and Harry can’t understand how she’s feeling and I’m pretty sure there’s some wonderful soulmate magic afoot. I love all the adorable feels!

Blue Widow by failedfracture – Hermione and Draco are both grieving for the ones they loved. Epilogue compliant.

Another one where Hermione’s a widow and has coped with it by leaving Britain, but now she’s back. This is as sexy as Bless the Broken Road is sweet. Harry and Ginny’s friendship with Draco is fabulous and they are just as protective over him as they are over Hermione.

Other/General:

It’s Tea Time series by ellizablue – Scorbus is the main pairing in this Potter family drama series following the events of Cursed Child but Lily’s rand James’ relationships with their respective OCs also play a huge part. I adore everyone’s characterisation in this series and this Lily is how I see all Lily Lunas now. Also massive love for Harry, Ginny and Draco as wonderfully portrayed parents and then grandparents. The same mystery, adventure feel that runs through the original HP works has been amazingly emulated here with bonus feels.

House of the Brave series by islandgirl394, starting chronologically with Written in the Stars – This fic begins a series that follows the next gen kids through all their times at Hogwarts with their individual challenges. Written in the Stars follows Victoire as she balances her academic responsibilities and her feelings for Teddy. She comes to terms with the fact that life doesn’t always work out the way you might expect it to, and Neville is on hand as an amazing Head of House with the good lectures and assistance to help her find her purpose. 

New Blood by artemisgirl – Sorted into Slytherin with the whisper of prophecy around her, Hermione refuses to bow down to the blood prejudices that poison the wizarding world. Carving her own path forward, Hermione chooses to make her own destiny, not as a Muggleborn, a halfblood, or as a pureblood... but as a New Blood, and everything the mysterious term means.

What life at Hogwarts might have been like had Hermione been sorted into Slytherin. I really enjoy their take on magic and pureblood traditions in this, Hermione’s ambition to prove herself, and Luna being a seer. The original plot of Harry vs Voldermort is ongoing in the background but obviously certain things are improved, one of which being Neville’s presence as a more fleshed out character. 

Lilypad: Year One by @marauders4evr – On 31 July 1991, Harry Potter adopted a cat and Dudley Dursley saved it. Neither child expected that the cat would adopt and save them, in turn. Yet, that is exactly what Regulus Black does, transforming his appearance, his life, and their world. The family grows closer, stronger, and greater, by the day. For anyone who needs a home is welcome at The Lilypad.

This is the ultimate Anti-Dumbledore rewrite and I love it! Powerful Lord Black is so amazing and his sass is one of the best things ever, as is the bamf oc and the way she jumps on board, no questions asked, to protect the two 11 year old boys; one who won’t eat and one who eats too much.

How To Tame Your Dragon by GloryofLove – A broken off relationship and a mistletoe led to some pretty extraordinary things. A drunken night. A dilemma worthy of the brightest witch. Mainly, for others its easy to mistake a child's father when they're both redheaded Weasleys. Two, she made a promise never to talk about how it happened in the first place. When the shaky foundation cracks what's left of the build for family?

I adore this Charmione story! They’re so adorable with each other yet still so fierce and independent and I’m absolutely in love with Hermione’s cottage (as well as Charlie). The whole thing is a wonderful exploration of emotions and struggles.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 1

(Link to the idea) that made me want to write it instead of working on my OTHER FICS.

(Master post)

_______________________________________________________________________

“Soulmate Searcher?” Marinette questioned with intrigue and confusion.

“Its an app that just got a global release!” Alya answered. “At first it was only released in America, but it became a huge hit and now it has international servers.”

The designer looked at her friend with even more confusion.

“So why is it so popular? And why did you want me to install it on my phone?” Marinette inquired.

“Its an app that lets you find the special someone who is your significant other. Alya explained. “Its a tried and true compatibility tester.”

Marinette’s intrigue dissipated, in her mind it was just like those cheesy magazine quizzes they put in magazines to see which celebrity  you would marry. Marinette had long outgrown that phase, especially when last time she took one it did not say she would be paired with Adrien but XY! Gross. 

“Oh. Well count me out. Those quizzes are just a load of...”

“No way lady dude.” Nino chimed in. “This thing is legit. It has the highest matchmaking app back in the States and it is like down to a science and stuff.”

Marinette looked at the DJ skeptically.

Alya placed her hand on her shoulder.

“ It is more then just a personality quiz. You put in your name, your age, dating age range, preference, and so on, and then you answer a bunch of questions that allows the app to gage your personality, mentality and emotional impulse. Then after thats done, it will match you with the top 10 people who have the highest compatibility with you in a 50 mile radius. You can see percentage rates and everything. Then you can decide if you want to message any of the people on the list or block them. They can only see your name, photo and the percentage.” Alya detailed.

“So then all a person needs to do is know what your answers are and copy them.”

“An interesting Hypothesis but sadly incorrect.” Max answered from behind the group.

“Sorry to intrude, but I too had my doubts about the app until I learned about how the app’s algorithm worked. All questions given are randomized and answering the questions the exact same way even if someone did get the same questions does not guarantee 100% compatibility. I made several dummy accounts and rigged them in order to make them both have identical questions and answers, but they did not achieve 100% compatibility.” The class egghead began to explain. 

“Having run the test numerous times with numerous accounts, the algorithm matches people with similar beliefs but not identical,  as having too much in common does not mean soul mate, it can be seen as suffocating. I have not yet cracked the theorem of how to get 100%. The highest I have been able to get is 93%.  It is as if it is a perfect formula for compatibility.” Max concluded.

Marinette had to admit her interest was peeked.

“So its a one time questionnaire and then done?” Marinette pressed with more interest.

“Well the first questionnaire takes an hour or two so it has enough data for a base compatibility profile. Then you answer 10 questions every day for 2 weeks to reaffirm any errors it might have made. Thats how the App is so successful. After about 2 weeks, your profile will be established. It was able to cut the margin of error down to 1.9%” Max exclaimed. “Its the pinnacle of mathematical perfection.”

“Thanks dude, couldn't have explained it better... really.” Nino thanked the robot enthusiast.

“Anytime, now I must head off. Markov and I have more tests to run.” Max head out and left the three teens to their own devices.

Marinette thought about it, she really didn't have much to lose trying it out.

“I even got Adrien to install it. He said he will fill it out after fencing.” Alya Whispered.

Marinette realized she had to do it. What if Adrien was on the app and some other girl had a high compatibility with him before she had a chance to try it. What if he fell in love with that mystery girl, got married and then bought a hamster!?

“Okay, I will take the quiz.” Marinette exclaimed with Confidence.

“Atta girl!”

______________________________________________________________________

Marinette had gone with Alya back to the Dupain Bakery in order to answer the questions in peace.

In Marinette’s room, Alya was relaxing as she watched the Designer answer the questions as honestly as possible.

“Now Girl, odds are the percentage maybe around the 70% mark, But Knowing you and Adrien, I bet you two will make it into the 80′s.” Alya answered.

Marinette nodded, half listening as she focused on answering.

“Nino and I got an 85%, which was pretty high. Ivan and Myléne only got a 79%. So no worries even if its in the 70′s”

“DONE!” Marinette exclaimed as she fell back. She was mentally exhausted. The questions were surprisingly more in depth then she expected.

She pressed submit and waited. Staring at her phone as it ‘processed her answers’

Alya stood up walking over to the bluish-black haired designer.

“Well.”

The list popped up.

Marinette scrolled through from 10 to 1. No Adrien. She felt herself sigh deeply.

“He isn't on it...” Marinette spoke defeated.

Alya took a look.

“Sorry girl, It might be he hasn't uploaded his profile yet.” Alya tried to encourage her friend who was burying her head in her pillow. 

“You think?”

“He is a busy guy, but also, you need to see who is number one on the list. A certain guitarist you happen to be fond off.” Alya said with a smile.

Marinette pulled her head up and took her phone. Sure enough, it was Luka who was number one on the list. He had an 80% compatibility rating with her, which was at least 20% higher then the guy in second place. Maybe this was a sign that she should move on from Adrien and ask Luka out.

“Maybe I should message Luka, If he believes in this sort of thing.” Marinette spoke with a blush on her face.

Alya nodded.

“Do what you think is right girl, Adrien or not, you deserve a guy that will make you happy.” 

“Thanks Alya, you are the best.” Marinette smiled sweetly at her best friend.

She clicked on the profile. The pop up asked if she would like to message the user Luka Couffaine.

Marinette paused, she was nervous about doing this. It was as if this was her crossroads. Would she go for it?

_____________________________________________________________________

“DONE!” Adrien exclaimed as he fell back on his bed. He was mentally exhausted as well as physically. He told Alya he would try out the app as soon as he was free from fencing.

“I don't get why you even bothered with those dumb questions.” A grouchy floating cat creature commented.

“Its an in depth Compatibility test Plagg. This could be the best way of finding My lady.”

Plagg looked at the model with skepticism.

“What makes you think that you would be matched up with Ladybug? You don't even know who she is.” 

“We are soulmates, so obviously we will have the highest compatibility.” Adrien answered with confidence as he sat up.

Plagg rolled his eyes.

“You do know just because you were picked to be the cat miraculous wielder doesn't mean your soulmate is ladybug. There have been Ladybug’s and Chat noir’s that haven't gotten together.”

“It isn't because we were chosen together. I can just feel it Plagg. I know we are meant to be. And if for some reason the girl with the highest compatibility with me isn't Ladybug, I will still likely find someone that I can find myself liking. But knowing my Lady, she and I will have a compatibility of 85 maybe even 90%” Adrien answered with a loving sigh. “Oh, its ready.”

Adrien smiles at his phone before looking at the list.

“Oh Kagami is on here. 79% Thats pretty good. But she is only number two? Huh, so then who is number one?” Adrien spoke aloud as he scrolled. As he saw the name that was number one his face turned beet red and and he fell back on the bed.

“Adrien!?” Plagg exclaimed as he flew to the frozen blond. “What happen.... oh no Fucking way.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Marinette was about to press the button when another pop up appeared.

“List updated?”

Marinette clicked out of Luka’s profile and noticed he was now at second place.

“Luka got moved to second.” Marinette spoke with surprise.

“What? Then whose first?”

Marinette scrolled up. Her eyes went Wide.

“ADRIEN!?!?” Marinette shouted.

Alya smiled.

“I knew it! I told you he would be on your list! And Number one to boot. So what  is the percentage. 82? 85% Like Nino and I?”

“100...” Marinette spoke hardly audible.

Alya couldn't hear.

“How much?”

Marinette turned her phone to Alya.

Alya’s jaw dropped.

“1.... 100%!!!!!!!!!!”

_______________________________________________________________________

Plagg could not contain his laugher. The blond was still frozen staring at his screen. Adrien had no idea how right he was. His Lady and him were perfect for each other. Plagg was absolutely loving every second of this. 

“P-Plagg.”

The black cat managed to calm down.

“Ye Ha HA! Yea Adrien?” Plagg responded between laughing fits.

“Marinette is Ladybug.”

Plagg sobered up quick.

“What... What makes you say that?” Plagg spoke, trying his best and failing at hiding the fact that Adrien was right. Thankfully Adrien was too out of it to notice.

Plagg pauses.

“Ladybug is my soulmate, Marinette scored perfect compatibility with me  on the soulmate app. Even with error included, the chances of that happening are…”

“It’s a silly quiz.” Plagg shouted. Tikki would kill him if Adrien found out at the wrong time. He had to play dumb.

Adrien thought about it, maybe he was overthinking it, plus Alya and Nino scored around 85%. Maybe the system was glitching out? 100% was unheard off according to what he found about the app, even with people who tried it and have been married for decades.

“I guess you are right… Besides, you answer questions each day, the percentages will shift. Maybe the system will correct itself, though I should ask Marinette what her thoughts are about the match up tomorrow. Though... even if it isn't Ladybug... Marinette is a pretty nice person to have good compatibility with.”

Adrien felt himself entertaining the thought of him and Marinette together. It seemed really, really nice. He found himself blushing at the thought. He quickly shook the thought off. He was getting ahead of himself. What if Marinette didn't feel the same way he did? What if Luka saw the compatibility score that Marinette got with him and decided not to date Marinette because of it. Marinette does really like that musician, what if Marinette hates him for ruining her chance at happiness!?

Adrien took a calming breath. He won't say anything, the app still needs to fine tune his profile. he is sure it will correct itself if it needs to within the two weeks, after that, he will look into it.

“I am sure that things will fix themselves.” Adrien said as he turned away from the cat Kwami, though part of him really hoped that the 100% would stay.

_______________________________________________________________________

THERE I FINISHED part 1

If you want part two, please let me know. I love hearing feedback and it feeds my impulsive need to write.

[my-miraculous-headcanons]

Message Belatedly Received

It’s probably been months since Marinette had opened up her most treasured (non-magical) possession. Which truly is a crime, but it couldn’t have been helped. Things have been particularly busy, ever since Alya had found and returned her lost sketchbook all that time ago. 

Hawkmoth had went on a rampage for a solid month, specifically targeting Chat Noir, and in that time, hadn’t even demanded the Ladybug or Black Cat Miraculous. In fact, all of his attacks seemed angry, overly violent, and uncoordinated. Marinette worries that their nemesis may very well be going off the deep end, and had been taken hold of by a bout of insanity. 

There was also the matter of Adrien. He had taken special interest in frying her internal circuitry, and she can’t for the life of her figure out why. Not that she was complaining, of course, but... 

No, yeah, she’s definitely complaining.

Having the object of her affections flirting with her every day should have been a dream come true for her, but in actuality, it’s a total nightmare. She hasn’t been able to get a coherent sentence out around him for ages, which is a huge step backwards on all the progress she made! She’s been coming home feeling absolutely mortified almost every single day, and at this point, she just can’t handle it anymore.

But, for the past three days, Adrien has not been in school, giving her time to finally get over all her embarrassment, think hard about his recent behaviour, and finally, jump, dance, squeal, and gush in absolute joy over the development.

Which ultimately led her to remembering the forbidden sketchbook.

How could she have possibly forgotten about it?!

She berates herself rather harshly for making such an error. She’s not one to forget something so important so easily, especially for that length of time. At the very least, even if she didn’t have the time to add anything, she should have thought or remembered it at least once!

There’s no use dwelling on that, however. Now that she actually has the free time, there’s no question on what she’s going to use it for.

With a look of fierce determination, Marinette draws out her mighty pencil from her desk drawer, and flips the forbidden sketchbook wide open.

And then she nearly has a stroke. 

There’s a sticky note in it, peeking out ever so slightly behind pages that cover over it.

Alya had promised that she hadn’t look in it, and that she never would, but somehow, there was a sticky note in it, and she sure as hell wasn’t the person to put it there. 

Hand shaking, she lets her pencil clatter to the desk, and hastily flips through the pages. She lands on the last of the occupational pages, where she had drawn Adrien in his pajamas, cuddled up with their three possible future children, the top of the page labelled Stay-At-Home Dad.

This one’s my favourite! :D

Her hear stutters to a stop. She recognises that handwriting.

As soon as realisation sets in, her heart restarts, then beats ten times faster.

Abruptly, she stands up, her chair forcefully pushed to roll across the room and slam into her bedroom wall. She flips to the first page, then lets a strangled noise emit from her throat.

There’s another sticky note.

Your designs are awesome! I can’t wait to see this when the time comes! ;)

Beside the sticky note is her in her wedding dress. Her face goes bright red as she lets out a whimper.

“Marinette?”

Tikki flits out from her corner, cookie crumbs on her cheeks, looking at her current Ladybug in concern. The expression on Marinette’s face isn’t anything new, especially recently in the wake of Adrien’s advances, but it’s certainly strange to be seeing it on her within the confines of her bedroom. 

“Are you alright?”

Unable to gain control of her mouth fast enough, Marinette nods almost violently, snatching the forbidden sketchbook and pressing it flush against her chest. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t look,” Tikki says in slight amusement. “Well, if you say you’re alright, I believe you. But if you need anything, just ask, alright? Or... snap your fingers, if you go nonverbal.”

At Marinette’s agreeing nod, Tikki goes back to her corner to consume more cookies.

With her kwami no longer inquiring, Marinette takes in a few deep breaths, willing herself to calm down enough so that her face is no longer a furnace.

“I’m gonna– balcony!“ Marinette cringes, but knows that Tikki’s familiar enough with her babble to know what she’s trying to say.

“Alright! Be careful though, it’s chilly!”

“Right, yeah!”

A minute or three later, Marinette is bundled up in one of her spare blankets like a burrito, resting against the lounge chair on her balcony. The cold air stings her cheeks, and it’s exactly what she needs to gather up the will to continue.

She opens the sketchbook up again, and flips to the next page, featuring Adrien in his wedding suit.

I like how I look here. I look happy and loved. 

I want that.

She closes her eyes and simply breathes, feeling tears gathering up behind her eyelids, chest feeling full and warm despite the cool air. She takes a moment to herself before she continues on, flipping pages until she gets to the next sticky note.

I’d make a pretty handsome professor, wouldn’t I?

She lets out a surprised laugh. She was going for the dorky, borderline conspiracy theorist look, with unkempt hair, a wide grin, and a tacky tie, having him gesturing animatedly towards a chalkboard in front of a class.

Yeah. He’d be a pretty handsome professor.

She continues.

Hey, you give me too much credit. I love fencing, but am I really gold-medalist material?

Rugby? As a career? And ruin this pretty face? My father would have a coronary. 

Okay, your idea of being a model looks so much more fun than my father’s idea. Yes please.

Baker? I can’t bake. I’d love to learn, though. I wouldn’t mind continuing the family business. Think your dad would teach me?

You know, I’ve never thought about being in a band full-time. I love that idea.

Ice dancing? Okay, I won’t deny I was interested in those lessons, but I think I’m too old to start a full-time career out of it at this point. Or was that figure skating?

She keeps flipping until she finally lands back onto the Stay-At-Home Dad page, smiling so widely it’s almost painful. 

Adrien was giving her input on their shared future. He made no comments about how it isn’t guaranteed, or that he didn’t like her like that, or that he was upset with her, or that he liked someone else. No, instead he went along with it, seemingly happy with this find, and narrowing down the options for their future paths. 

But, she can’t deny that the occupational pages and the wedding pages weren’t the most important ones. It’s what came after that truly mattered. And she can see the outline of the next sticky note against the page, so she knows he’s seen it.

Taking in a deep breath, she flips the page.

Hugo Dupain-Cheng-Agreste.

Louis Dupain-Cheng-Agreste.

Emilie “Emma” Dupain-Cheng-Agreste.

They’re beautiful.

You’re beautiful. 

Thank you.

The tears that had been threatening to spill finally break free, rolling down her cheeks, and she smiles so wide she’s almost embarrassed, reaching a hand up to block the view of her grin.

“What do you got there, Marinette?”

She yelps and topples off the lounge chair, blanket slipping halfway down to her waist. Her head whacks painfully against the flooring, since her hands are too busy protecting the forbidden sketchbook to break her fall.

Chat Noir winces and helps the poor civilian up and back into her seat, apologising for startling her.

“It’s nothing, Chat Noir,” Marinette eventually responds, not too surprised to see him on her balcony. He’s been visiting more and more frequently lately, which is just another thing to add to the list of time-consuming distractions that’s kept her much too busy to even think about the forbidden sketchbook. 

Honestly. How dare that cat be part of the reason that led her to committing such a crime.

“You’re not the type to cry over nothing,” Chat Noir says simply, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“It’s not like they’re sad tears.”

“Happy ones, then?”

Her eyes dart away, cheeks going pink. Chat’s expression becomes devious.

“Of a boy, purrhaps?”

“That is none of your business.”

“Au contraire, mademoiselle! You have no idea just how much it is my business! But, since I am your absolute best guy friend ever, I promise not to push any more. Isn’t that noble of me?”

Marinette breathes out a relieved— and slightly amused— sigh, shooting her companion a grateful look. She looks down at the sketchbook, inspecting it to make sure it wasn’t damaged in the fall, then shuts it and places it on her lap. 

Unnoticed to her, Chat Noir’s eyes finally make contact with the object of her happiness, and his smile goes tender and soft. 

So, she’s finally noticed.

“It’s getting a little cold out here, don’t you think? Let’s go inside. Besides, last week you promised me we’d have an anime marathon. It’s Friday now and I’m getting antsy!”

Marinette laughs and shakes her head, kicking her blanket off her legs so she can stand up.

“Sure thing, minou. You know my desktop and Netflix password, I’ll go downstairs and sneak us some snacks.”

She flicks his bell.

“Be good.”

And with that, she descends into her bedroom and down the trap door, leaving a stunned superhero in her wake. 

Huh, Chat thinks, heart thudding rapidly against his ribcage. Would it be a rational response to move our marriage date up a couple years? Eighteen isn’t too young, right? Right.

To the surprise of no one, he thinks that with full sincerity.

To the surprise of everyone but Adrien, she would say yes. 

... But that’s a story for another time.

[yehet-me-up]

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Pairing: Donghae x reader

Genre: fluff, office!AU, based on The Hating Game 

Rating: PG13 because I can’t help but swear 😂 Kissing, but nothing explicit

Word Count: 2,478

Summary: The company carnival was your idea. The kissing booth was all his. What happened that night is definitely both of your faults.

Request: donghae from super junior with either 11, fluff! (almost nobody writes for them, youre a godsend) I hope you like it, love!!! <3

The energy is palpable as the employees file through the gates into the field. You can’t help but smile and feel proud. 

When Mr. Turner entrusted the annual company party to you, it felt like a test. A big test. Pull this off and the promotion was practically guaranteed was the unspoken message. 

Too bad you had to work with the biggest flirt in the entire office and your perpetual rival - Lee Donghae.

‘Watch out, nerd.’ A man shoulders past you unnecessarily. 

The gate is at least four people wide, but Donghae never misses an opportunity to ruffle your feathers. You make an angry noise, not unlike the sound your cat makes when he watches the neighbors dog eat from his bowl.

‘Oh. I’m so sorry. Did you not see me, old man? Misplaced your glasses?’ You can’t deny taunting him back is one of your favorite hobbies, and the fact that he’s six months older than you brings you enormous joy. ‘Do you need me to call the nursing home to come and get you?’

He turns to face you full on and you bite your lip to contain your groan. Of course he looks good. He always looks good. But tonight he looks extra delicious in black jeans and a light blue button down. He even rolled the sleeves up in the early May heat. Bastard. 

His hair is brushed casually off his forehead and he watches you with amusement in his dark eyes. ‘Only if they pick you up at the same time,’ he volleys back. ‘I care about the environment, you know.’

You snort and throw your hands up, walking towards the carousel and leaving him in the dust. He might think this promotion is his, but he has no idea. Over my dead body.

He follows you, slinging a casual arm across your shoulders. ‘I think we did a fantastic job, nerd. Thanks for the assist, I can’t wait for Mr. Turner to see this.’

Shrugging his arm off you face him and narrow your eyes. ‘I should be thanking you for the assist. This was my idea.’

He gives you a lopsided smile of victory and runs a hand through his annoyingly luscious hair. You want to smack him in the chest. Or yell at him. Or push him to the ground and kiss him so hard he can’t breathe. Any of those will do.

‘Whatever,’ you spit at him, looking at your clipboard to distract yourself from your raging anger and lust. ‘Just stay out of my way tonight. Everything needs to go perfectly.’

He pulls a length of thick red fabric from his pocket and waves it tauntingly in your face. ‘Don’t worry darlin’, I’ll be occupied and out of your way all evening. I’ve got a job to do. Unless you want to trade.’

You swallow harshly. Somehow in the chaos of the rides being delivered and the vendors asking millions of questions this afternoon you’d forgotten that he volunteered to run a kissing booth to raise donations for the Employee Support Program.

Half of you loved how thoughtful it was and wanted to sing at getting to see the heart of gold you know is buried in there, somewhere, under layers of sarcasm and arrogance. 

Half of you wanted to break something at the idea of him kissing Amanda from accounting and Zora from marketing and every woman, and probably man, in the company in-between.

‘Well. I hope you brought some mints,’ you say in a strained voice. ‘Wouldn’t want to subject anyone to your terrible breath.’

‘Hey, you okay?’ He frowns, reaching a hand for your shoulder that you easily dodge. He’s already touched you twice tonight and you feel like you’ll explode if he does it a third.

You cough and clear your throat. ‘Fine. Just have a packed schedule. Have fun making out with Kevin Williams in accounts payable.’

When you push past him this time, he doesn’t follow, just sighs in defeat. You’ve won this round, but at what cost?

The night goes smoothly. Spectacularly, even. Everyone’s kids seem to love the magic show and the row of old-school carnival games. Miraculously Jacob Donaldson avoids throwing up on the ferris wheel. The specialty popcorn and hot dog stations are a hit.

‘This is so fun! You did amazing.’ 

You turn and see Michelle beaming and carrying an enormous cotton candy.

‘Aw, thanks. I’m so glad, I’ve been a worried mess about it.’ You sigh and re-check your list.

‘Stop worrying and enjoy yourself!’ She slides an arm around your waist and gives you a half hug. ‘Has Mr. T raved to you yet? He was just telling me at the bottle toss that this is the best company party he’s been to in twenty five years.’

‘No way,’ you gasp.

‘Yes way,’ she teases and gives you a squeeze at your waist. ‘That promotion is yours babe. You got this.’

For the first time all night you let your shoulders relax and you take a deep breath. ‘I know Donghae’s going to try to take all the credit though.’

She snorts. ‘I think that man has his hands full right now.’ She motions past you to the kissing booth.

The line snakes all the way from the booth to the popcorn vendor three spots down. ‘Oh my god.’

‘I know, right? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Beth happier. She’s had a crush on him for ages.’ She says, raising her brow at you in a knowing way.

‘I do not have any feelings for Lee Donghae,’ you protest. ‘Other than seething hatred of course.’

‘Mhmm keep telling yourself that,’ she says, taking a big bite of her cotton candy.

‘Ugh. What an infuriating man.’

‘You really should do something about that.’

‘No. It will all be over soon, regardless. Either I get that job and he’ll be my employee. Or he’ll get it and I’ll fling myself directly into the center of the sun. Problem solved.’

‘Yep, you’ve clearly got it under control.’ She barks out a laugh and walks backward with a taunting raise of her brows. ‘Don’t have too much fun.’

You groan and lightly smack the clipboard to your forehead. ‘Fantastic.’

‘And let’s give a huge round of applause for the people who put this event together tonight!’ Mr. Turner claps his hand awkwardly to the one holding out the microphone while the rest of the employees join in.

The lights facing the stage are bright in your eyes and you can feel the heat coming off the man next to you. Donghae looks over at you with a wide, victorious smile. Lipstick is smeared in the corners of his mouth and you’re torn between laughing and crying.

He winks at you and steps up to take the microphone. ‘Thank you Mr. T. We couldn’t have put on this event without such excellent leadership.’

‘Kiss ass,’ you hiss under your breath.

‘My wonderful colleague and I are so thankful to you all for coming out. As you know we’ve been working hard to make this event special. I’m so glad you’re all enjoying it. Don’t forget to come and give me a kiss!’

He hands the microphone back to Mr. Turner and swaggers back to your side amidst thunderous applause, particularly from the women in the audience. You want to scream. 

For long seconds the two of you stare down each other while the crowd breaks up. Michelle calls it the Running of the Bulls whenever you’re together. All these years later and you’ve never asked her which one of you is the bull and which is the runner. It probably depends on the day.

You huff and storm off the stage. When you turn and look back at him he’s waving the red blindfold in your direction. Well, at least tonight you know you’re the bull.

The line at the damned kissing booth finally dwindles down as the night wraps up. You said goodbye to Mr. Turner and his wife chatted happily with you for ages about how much fun their family had, so you hope he remembers that when the promotion is decided.

Most of the food vendors are closing down and you realize you haven’t eaten all night. ‘I should go and eat a garlic chili dog and go make out with that jerk,’ you say to yourself with a laugh.

Maureen Jones is currently kissing the object of your woe slash secret desire. Her hands clutch his defined biceps and you can see he’s doing absolutely far more than necessary.

‘Better yet, I’ll teach him a lesson. With my tongue.’

You set the clipboard on a table and march over to the short line, heat and a desire for revenge swimming in your veins. He kisses another three women and two men before you’re finally at the front of the line. And the last of the line, you think, looking behind you at the stragglers leaving the fairgrounds.

‘Well, don’t keep me waiting all night,’ he says in a low voice. ‘I know you’re there.’

The blindfold appears thick as you step close. At least you hope it is. God only knows how much he’d delight in the fact that you caved and finally kissed him first. 

What if he’s genuinely just been messing with you all these years? 

What if everyone is wrong and he actually does dislike you? 

Oh, no. Bad idea.

Before you can step away he reaches for you blindly, his hands finding your waist and one of your elbows, pulling you closer. With him sitting on the stool you’re finally the same height. His lips are even fuller up close than you thought, or perhaps it’s just the sheer amount of work they’ve put in tonight.

He pulls you to him and lifts a hand to find your chin, guiding your face to his. The kiss is brief, far quicker than you thought it would be. A firm warm pressure and then it’s over.

You lift your hand to your lip. You should let him know the night is over. You should say something, anything. A cutting remark. A sarcastic apology. A joke about his kissing skills. 

But if he knows it’s you standing there... Oh lord what have I done?

After a beat he interrupts your thoughts by lifting his other hand and holding your face. It’s so quiet in the corner of the carnival that you can hear his breath and yours as he strokes your cheeks with his thumbs. 

With a soft hum he stands and seals his lips to yours once more. In surprise you fist your hands in his shirt. All you can do is cling to him as your world shifts off-center. 

He works his mouth against yours and your knees go weak. You were right, fortunately or unfortunately for your incessant fantasies of him, his lips are perfect - full and soft and achingly right against yours.

You try to speak, to give voice to the confusion and delight coursing through you, but the only thing you can focus on is the way he feels and tastes as he claims you. 

Slowly your grip loosens and you run your hands up his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt. You wind your hands through his hair and want to moan - it’s just as thick as you always thought it would be.

His hands caress your neck, slowly undoing you as they trail down your back to hold your waist firmly. Thank goodness there’s hardly anyone around to see the way you press yourself against him, moulding your curves against his hardness.

This is wrong. I shouldn’t do this. We shouldn’t do this. He gently bites your lower lip and you feel your eyes roll back in your head. Oh fuck it.

Rational thought slaps you upside the head and you remember who you’re kissing. You back up several paces, breaking the kiss. 

He slowly takes off the blindfold, blinking in the lights from the nearby rides, watching you carefully. He doesn’t look surprised at all to see you standing there, in fact, he looks like he was expecting you.

‘What on earth was that?’ you ask, breathless. It helps that he looks just as undone.

He gives you a lopsided smirk. ‘I kissed you, nerd. Finally.’

You fold your arms and fix him with your most intense stare. ‘What do you mean finally? How did you even know it was me?’

He laughs, looking up at the sky dotted by stars. ‘Darlin’ I’ve been smelling that perfume of yours for so many years I would recognize it anywhere. I think I even smell it in my dreams.’

‘Oh.’

You reach for any of the familiar feelings that normally rise in you around him - anger, hostility, sarcasm, joking, lust. But all you find is softness. The absence of dislike is so shocking you feel like you’re floating in air.

‘Oh? That’s all you’ve got? I can’t believe I rendered you speechless,’ he says with a grin. ‘It’s a day for the record books.’

That does it. ‘I’ll show you speechless.’

In two steps you’re against him and in one breath you pull his lips to yours by tugging on his ears. You can taste his surprise and savor it, kissing him with all the passion and heat and desire you’ve kept hidden just beneath the surface for years.

You feel him smile into the kiss and you make a noise of excitement and pleasure against him. He hums in response and wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you off the ground and spinning you around.

Pulling back, you grin down at him. ‘Wait. You don’t even like me,’ you protest, pushing his hair off his face so you can see his eyes clearly. ‘In fact, I’m pretty sure you hate me.’

He laughs, the bright and rich sound wrapping around you. ‘I feel a great many things for you, darlin’. But none of them is hate. Why do you think I suggested a kissing booth?’

You frown at him in confusion. ‘So you could make out with half the staff and live up to your playboy reputation?’

He presses a quick kiss to your chin. ‘So I could finally kiss you, duh. About time we figure out what this is between us, don’t you think?’

If he was joking or being a dick you would have easily told him to screw off. But the sincerity in his face holds no teasing for once. 

‘Yes, I think you’re right.’ He opens his mouth and you cover it with yours, giving him a hard kiss. ‘But if you make any sort of joke about me admitting you’re right-’

He cuts you off with another kiss and you laugh against him. Oh, screw it.

[amyscascadingtabs]

the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide

The socks are the smallest thing he has ever seen.

Jake isn’t sure how exactly he ended up having a low-key freakout in the middle of the day at an H&M, but he figures there is a first for everything - public meltdowns over impending fatherhood included.

(In which Jake is scared of fatherhood and baby socks are really, really tiny.)

read on ao3

april

The socks are the smallest thing he has ever seen.

Jake isn’t sure how exactly he ended up having a low-key freakout in the middle of the day at an H&M, but he figures there is a first for everything - public meltdowns over impending fatherhood included.

He has been doing well with his fears since they found out about Amy being pregnant. He didn’t panic when she showed him the beginning of her pregnancy binder. He stayed calm at their first visit to the obstetrician. He did shed a tear when they got to hear a loud and strong heartbeat and see a tiny, white, moving blur that’s supposedly their baby on a screen for the first time, but in his defense, Amy cried more.

They're having a kid now, and he's ready; as ready as he feels he can be at this point. Come early December this year, he'll be saying farewell to full nights of sleep, double shifts at work and watching all the movies for adults and teens he can think of.

It’s a guarded excitement. For now, it’s this humongous secret they carry around, trying to explain away their absence at Shaw’s nights and why it looks like Amy’s always about five seconds from either throwing up or falling asleep, without revealing the truth just yet. At the same time, it’s the knowledge their lives are about to be forever changed, and it’s equal shares thrilling and petrifying.

They’ve known for three weeks, which is not a lot of time - Jake has eaten older lunches from the precinct’s fridge at least twice - but already he’s spent oceans of time thinking about it. It just so happens that when he’s not doing everything to take care of his exhausted, nauseous, and emotional wife, his thoughts circle back to the monochrome sonogram picture and the indescribable, undiluted love building inside him whenever he looks at it in his phone gallery.

He’s excited, but he’s never been more scared in his life. He’s worried about miscarriages and diseases and complications and how there’s such a thing as sudden infant death where a baby can straight-up die without any explanation. He’s scared of doing too much and not doing enough and he’s helplessly scared of becoming his own father, and so far the only person he can talk about it with is Amy. The problem is he doesn’t want to bother her with his asinine fears; he’s sure that reminding her of all the terrible things he’s learned can happen will do more harm than good, plus she’s exhausted all the time now and would likely fall asleep in the middle of the conversation. He finds it endearing how she’ll fight to keep her eyes open before falling asleep next to him on the couch, but she’s become pretty much worthless in any conversation longer than three minutes. Consequently, Jake’s keeping his fears to himself for now, taking deep breaths and hovering with his thumb over the number to the shrink he had a series of appointments with a year ago.

He takes it one day at a time. It’s what he tells Amy to do when she complains about feeling too sick and miserable to appreciate anything, so he figures he might as well follow his own advice. He handles things to the best of his ability, trudges his way through a few pages in his copy of The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide For Dads-To-Be when Amy falls asleep, and every Wednesday there is a new fruit or vegetable comparison available on the pregnancy app he’s downloaded. This week, their baby is the size of a raspberry, so naturally he bought two jars of them when he stopped by the fruit seller earlier in the day.

(“Are you going to do this for every week?” His wife had asked with a curious gleam to her eyes as he made her company while she ate a late, bland breakfast.

“Only for the fruits I actually like," he’d told her, and she'd laughed before accepting a few of the berries he held out to her.)

The original agenda for their Saturday was to run errands together, but Amy's had a long week already without enough time to rest. A pregnancy podcast he listened to yesterday told him that rest is crucial if you're pregnant, so Jake promptly instructed his wife to spend her day on the couch while he completed their to-do-list on his own. Her grateful smile when he handed her their best fluffy blanket and made her a cup of green lemon tea before leaving told him he made the right choice.

So far, he’s mailed a gift for Amy's great-aunt, left a carpet at the dry cleaner and picked up more of his wife’s favorite pink grapefruit shower gel. He’s also informed Amy of all this via Snapchat, using the most ridiculous filters he could find to put a smile on her lips and received equally hilarious pictures back. The last errand before food shopping is H&M; one of his best navy hoodies caught on fire at work last week, and Jake can’t risk being out of a hoodie - the world could collapse for less. He finds one that seems decent and is about to go pay for it when he catches sight of the neon sign from the corner of his eye. BABY, 0-12 MONTHS.

They’ve agreed not to start buying clothes for a few more weeks. Even window-shopping for them without Amy feels like cheating, yet it's as if a gravitational force is pulling him towards the newborn clothing section. Just to have a look, he defends it to himself as he enters it.

All the clothes are tiny.

All the clothes are overwhelmingly tiny, too much for him to take in even though he’s not sure what he expected. He walks around in a daze, eventually coming to a stop at a shelf with baby socks. Right in front of him hangs a grey-and-white two-pack with writing on them - the white pair says I ♥️ MUM, and the grey pair I ♥️ DAD.

That’s when Jake loses it.

Up until this point, he hasn’t cried. There was the single tear at their first ultrasound, the one he’s not counting in comparison to Amy’s flood of them, but aside from that? No crying. He’s held it together like the responsible dad and family man he’s going to have to become in about seven months, but he runs his finger over the soft cotton blend stuck to a piece of white cardboard, and a stubborn tear trails down his cheek. Then another, and another, bringing with them panicked breathing and a sensation of walls closing in on him.

He’s going to be a dad. He’s going to have partial responsibility for a miniature human at least up until the day they turn eighteen years old. He knows what a good dad is from watching Terry and Charles and even Holt, but he lacks all perception when it comes to the question of whether he knows how to be one.

There will be a whole new person in his world, demanding attention, love, and care. He’s going to make mistakes and have to hope what he’ll do right will be enough to outweigh them. He’s excited but he’s scared and he’s scared but he’s excited - the two keep conflicting, and he’s never certain which is stronger. He’s not sure it matters when he’s standing in a clothing store, unable to make himself stop panic-breathing and crying as he clutches the two-pack of unfathomably minuscule socks.

“Sir? Sir, I’m sorry, but are you okay?” A warm hand touches his shoulder through the leather jacket, and he spins around to find a tan-skinned, round-cheeked young woman with dark curls and an employee tag in a red lanyard around her neck. She’s giving him a worried look, and he blushes with instant embarrassment.

“Yeah, yeah.” He snivels, wiping a few tears on the sleeve of his jacket. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay," she assures him, though it sounds tentative. A wave of guilt crashes over him as he realizes how terrible a customer she must find him; no retail employee can want to spend their underpaid hours comforting crying strangers. “Has something happened?”

“They’re so small," Jake mumbles, and she raises an eyebrow, so he clarifies. “The socks.”

“They’re for babies.”

“I know.”

“So… they’re supposed to be small.”

“I know.”

“Then what’s the issue here?”

“I’m going to be a dad," he blurts out to her, realizing it's the first time he's said the words out loud. They feel foreign, like he's speaking from the perspective of another stellar undercover personality he just made up, but easier than he expected them to. “This November. My wife and I are having a baby.”

The employee smiles at him. “Aww! Congratulations. That’s amazing.”

“It is," he admits. “I’m really happy about it. But you know, it’s this huge responsibility. I suck at being responsible and I had a crappy dad.” Jake grimaces. “Like, seriously, the crappiest. Mayor of Craptown in the country of Crappy Dads.”

“You're scared you'll suck at it, too?” He nods, and she shakes her head, shrugging. “You probably won't. Lots of mediocre guys have kids that grow up perfectly fine.”

“I… thanks?”

“If you ask me," she continues, “the fact that you’re scared just means you want to do a good job. If you want to do a good job, I’m pretty sure that means you love your kid. Put those two together and you have a solid basis.”

Her comment makes Jake's mind flick back to the moment with Amy in the hospital lobby after his negotiation with Pam. He’d realized then how maybe fear could, in the end, be the key to guaranteeing he would do a good job. Trusting said realization is another thing entirely - but he wants to, and he tries to.

He clears his throat. “I do love my kid. I mean, I barely know them yet and I love them already. It doesn't even make sense.”

“Then I’m sure you’ll be okay.”

“Do you have kids, or…?”

She gives him an honest chortle before shaking her head again. “I have a cat, though.”

“Ah.”

“Are you going to buy those socks, by the way? Not to be a jerk, but I feel like you crying on them means you gotta buy them.”

“... yeah. Yeah, I’ll buy them.”

He leaves the store feeling equal parts humiliated and relieved, painfully aware he owes Amy an explanation for buying the first item of clothing for their baby without her, but somehow, he leaves it feeling better.

(He tells Amy about his breakdown when he gets home. The next day, he goes back to leave a handwritten thank-you-note for the friendly employee.)

october

Her clothes are the smallest thing he has ever seen.

With eight weeks left to the due date, Jake is getting used to the thought of what’s to come. The arrival of their daughter - they’re having a daughter, his intuition is better than Amy’s - is fast approaching, and if it wasn’t clear enough to him from the close to finished nursery in their apartment and the stroller on its way to them, Charles now has a daily countdown on his phone.

(“64 days today," had been his greeting yesterday, and Jake couldn’t even bring himself to be annoyed.)

He struggles to determine whether he feels ready, but he does feel prepared, which makes the worries easier to live with. Amy made them a Type-A-style preparation checklist the day she entered her twelfth week of pregnancy, and though Jake found it excessive at first, he knows they wouldn't have survived without it. Not only have they researched and purchased everything an infant could possibly need in terms of material things and watched four informative documentaries together, but he’s also read two and a half books about babies and parenthood and gone to a class in parenting. It turned out to be one of the weirdest experiences of his life, but at least it made him a self-proclaimed master in the art of holding a fake baby doll correctly.

His excitement is genuine now - no longer clouded beneath the veil of apprehension and nervousness it once was. It's impossible not to feel excited when every night, he'll curl up next to Amy on the couch and simply talk to their baby, drawing lazy patterns with his fingers on her bump until he's able to feel a foot or an arm, their kid kicking and pressing and doing somersaults at the sound of his voice. When he's unsure what to talk about, he’ll read Harry Potter or play Taylor Swift to his unborn daughter. Style, so far, appears to be her favorite.

The nursery has only a few last touches left to it before it’s fully ready. This week, they’re spending their Saturday dealing with one of them and sorting out their kid’s collection of clothes. It's turned out to be a project for a full day - first washing everything with hypoallergenic laundry detergent, then letting each item hang to dry, then folding, sorting and placing everything in the dresser. Jake’s been staring at newborn clothes for hours on end, and he still can't fathom how small they are.

He's seen them before, of course. He was there to buy most of them and has marveled over everything from the tiny hats to the Harry Potter-onesies to the red-and-black-checkered baby flannel Amy found, several times already. It doesn't seem to help; for each colorful item with animals, stripes or bright colors he folds and places in its correct pile, he's reminded his kid will be wearing these clothes. Once the initial sparks of excitement fade, the waves of fear he thought he was free of engulf him anew.

It's the fear he's felt each time he's been held at gunpoint, except he's no longer fearing for his own life but for his child’s. He fears something terrible will happen to them which he won't be able to stop and he fears he will be the cause of it. It's the fear that reappears at odd occasions, submerging him in nightmare scenarios of long-time undercover operations only he can execute. He fears death threats forcing him into witness protection. It's the fear where he imagines a five-year-old with Amy's nose and dark hair standing in front of him with crossed arms and downcast eyes asking where he's been for the last weeks, and then Amy's there as well asking the same thing. He fears having no better answer to give than I got too wrapped up wanting to solve a case again, I forgot to come home.

Though he’ll do everything in his power to be a good parent, there’s an inevitable risk he’ll fail. It shakes him and it haunts him and seems to paralyze him right then and there.

“Babe?” Amy’s voice, calm but suspecting, helps him snap out of it. He looks up from the mint-green onesie with smiling clouds he’s holding to find her watching him with worried advertence.  “You zoned out.”

“Sorry, Ames. You were saying?”

“Oh, just about the car seat.” She nods in the direction of a carton box near the door. “I was thinking we should install it tomorrow.”

“Car seat. Great. That’s cool," he mumbles in an attempt to fake normalcy and steer the conversation away from his looming meltdown. “Cool, cool, cool.”

“Jake.”

“I’m fine.”

Amy rolls her eyes at that, shuffling a few inches closer to him on the long-pile rug with what little gracefulness she can manage. “Clearly not. Come on, you can talk to me.”

“You don’t have to listen," he assures her, but she shakes her head.

“I already am. Wanna tell me what’s up?”

The words stagger on the tip of his tongue, faltering before he figures out how to express them.

“It's the same things. Same fears as before.”

“Do you need to talk about them?”

He does, to some extent, but she's heard his panicked thoughts before and helped him through them what feels like a million times. His eight months pregnant wife deserves better than listening to his preposterous fears when they're supposed to be folding clothes.

“I don't want to bother you," he excuses himself.

Amy glares at him in reaction. It’s the glare reserved for when one of her uniformed officers makes a detrimental mistake, or he tells her he thinks they might be ordering too much Polish food, wordlessly telling him he's made a mistake.

“I think I can handle it," she says. “Do you want to talk about them?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” She nods, putting a pair of newborn-size white pajamas with red hearts in the sleepwear pile and holding his left hand in hers. Their fingers intertwine, wedding rings next to one another. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”

There’s guilt as he rambles to her about equally unlikely scenarios and the fears he was supposed to have let go of by now. He’d meant it when he said he felt ready a little over a year ago, and he loves and wants the child that gets the hiccups in the middle of her parents’ conversation so much, which he assures Amy of in about every other sentence. The fear doesn't take away from the love, but it makes it feel more inaccessible at times, harder to reach behind the dense fog of anxiety. Jake detests that feeling. He wants to love this child without the overpowering fear, wants to feel the excitement he’s gotten used to always, and most of all, he doesn’t want to have to doubt himself each and every second of each day.

Amy’s silent while she listens. She doesn’t utter a word until she’s sure he’s finished, catching his breath from the anxiety and fast-paced talking. Instead, she hugs him from the side, letting him rest his head on her shoulder while he slowly returns to a calmer peace of mind.

“I just don’t want you to think I’m not excited," he whispers once he can speak again.

“I see your face every time she kicks when you talk to her," she replies matter-of-factly, guiding his right hand to rest high up on her belly where the hiccups have calmed down only to be replaced with stubborn kicking. The corners of his mouth twitch into a grin, and he laughs at the timing. “No one could ever see that and think you’re not excited.”

“I know.” He sighs. “But I’m not doing anything right now, it’s all you. The moment she’s here, it’ll be different. What if I don’t know what to do?”

“You know what to do, you’re practically Santiago-level-prepared at this point.”

“What if I blank?”

“You won’t blank.”

“What if?”

“Jake.”

“I know, I know.” A metallic taste in his mouth makes him realize he’s bleeding, having bitten too hard on his lip. “You have total faith in me and all that.”

“You’re saying it like you think I don't mean it," she points out, eyes narrowed. “I do have total faith in you, because I know you and would never have agreed to have this baby with you if I didn't trust you could handle it.”

“I’m scared, though. I thought I wouldn’t be scared at this point, but it’s still there.”

“So am I. So is everyone who's ever been a parent.” There’s a small smile on Amy’s lips as she reaches for a pair of socks from the pile of them. “I think it’s part of it.”

“It’s the worst part," he argues, and she lets out a short laugh.

“Maybe it is. I guess we’ll just have to see if it’s worth it.” She hands him the socks, and he can’t help but beam as he recognizes them.

They’re light grey and impossibly tiny,  with I ♥️ DAD printed on them in capital letters. It’s the very first item of clothing he bought for his child, having been made to purchase them ensuing his breakdown in an H&M store five long months ago. He’d nearly forgotten about them, but he holds them in his hands now, wondering how on earth an item smaller than his palm could ever fit a living person.

“That’s true, you know," Amy tells him in a quiet voice. He looks up to find her eyes glistening, but she wipes the threatening tears away before they fall this time. “She’s going to love you so much. She already does.”

“How can you know?”

“For one, she goes absolutely nuts when you're talking.” Amy shakes her head, grinning fondly. “Even if you’re not physically there. Like last week, when you left that message about being on your way home. I listened to it on speaker and she started kicking me in the ribs. She's getting strong now, so it hurts.”

He laughs, blushing. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. It's super cute, and it totally gets my dumb, hormone-fuelled emotions every time.”

She leans slightly forward and he takes the hint, letting go of the disarmingly cute socks to lock lips with his wife. It's short and perhaps not the most passionate of kisses, quickly interrupted the moment Amy gets too out of breath, but it lasts long enough for him to enjoy the feel of her lips against his, the softness of her skin as he cups her face.

“I love you," he declares when they break apart. The socks are next to his knees on the violet carpet and he picks them up again, smiling to himself as he places them on top of Amy's bump. “Both of you.”

“Well, cheeseball, we both love you back. You're a lucky guy.”

“I am. I really, really am.”

(The fear refuses to disappear altogether, but it stays under control for the rest of the wait. By the time Amy’s contractions start five weeks later, Jake's all excitement and little anything else.)

november

His daughter is the smallest thing he has ever seen.

Person, he corrects himself. She's a person, a whole little individual with ten fingers and ten toes and a full head of dark hair, and she’s managed to utterly and completely steal his heart in the forty-three hours she’s spent out in the world.

Leah Rose Charlotte Santiago-Peralta is marginally smaller than the average newborn, thanks to her just over three weeks early arrival, but she’s perfectly healthy and strong. After two nights at the hospital, the new family is cleared to go home.

Jake has his first minor freakout post Leah’s birth when the doctor tells them. He’ll have to drive, which means there’s an atomic but existing risk they’ll crash. Once they go home, there will be no more friendly nurses to help, no more surprisingly excellent coffee machines in the communal kitchen, and no more red buttons next to the bed they can press if they panic. They’ll be on their own in their mission of keeping a helpless infant alive, and Jake’s not sure he’s ready.

He looks over at Amy to where she’s propped up in the hospital bed feeding their daughter and opens his mouth to communicate this, but he changes his mind once he sees them. With Amy’s gratified smile overpowering the bags under her eyes and with Leah’s content suckling noises, there’s no doubt whatsoever.

He’s ready. He’s always been ready for them.

Leah cries when they fasten her in the car seat. There’s a fleeting moment where he worries the drive will be a twenty-minute crying party, but she passes out the second the car starts moving and sleeps through her first car ride like it’s no big deal. She continues sleeping through her first ride up the building’s elevator, and snoozes through being carried over the doorstep into their apartment.

“Welcome home, Lee," he tells her as they enter, hospital bags in tow. “You too, Ames.”

“Thanks," Amy mumbles.“It feels nice.”

He nods, leaving their bags on the living room floor for later unpacking as he helps her unfasten Leah in the seat. “You feeling okay, babe?”

“I guess," she shrugs. “I’d kill for a proper shower, though.”

“So go take one.”

She hesitates, observing him closely as if she’s searching for something. “Are you sure? I can stay with you if you don’t want to be alone with her for too long, I know you think it’s scary - “

“Ames.” He places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You can take a shower. You can take a long shower if you want to, because god knows you deserve it. Need it, even.”

“That’s hurtful.”

“Go take that shower," he repeats, kissing her forehead. “Lee and I will be okay.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay, then.” She kisses first Leah’s, then his cheek, and squeezes his hand one last time before heading towards their bathroom. “Have a good father-daughter bonding time. Kick it off with a diaper change, will you?”

“This isn't my favorite part," Jake informs his daughter as she starts waking up on the changing table, grunting when he has to take off the cozy, white overall they brought her home in. “I’m not sure it’s anyone’s. I’ll do it for you, though.”

He promised himself after seeing Amy go through twenty-six hours of torturous pain that he'd do all the changes he could for the first weeks. So far he's sticking to it; it’s not the most enjoyable of experiences, but it's simple and straightforward enough for him to feel like he's mastering it with some proficiency.

“So," he narrates while he navigates his mission. “This is going pretty well. We're doing good, Lee.”

She eyes him with skepticism, letting out a few whimpers before they’re done, but he keeps his calm and draws a breath of relief when she doesn’t start crying.

“See? We did it.” He holds her little hands, waving them like she’s the one doing it. “We’re just going to get you a new pair of pajamas and we’ll be all set.”

It’s the first time he’s dressing her without Amy’s input. Seeing how he technically has the freedom to put their daughter in a Die Hard-onesie and varicolored leggings, Jake considers it a mature use of his power when he opts for white pajamas with a pink rose print and a regular pair of grey socks.

He figures they’re a regular pair, at least. He realizes otherwise when he unrolls them to find the familiar I ♥️ DAD-print on them. They bring a smile to his lips as he thinks back to when he bought them, back when no one knew their secret yet, and he was scared out of his mind he wouldn’t be able to do the exact thing he’s doing now.

He puts the socks on Leah’s feet, shaking his head at how the itty-bitty clothing items are still almost too large for her. He has to roll the socks up so they’ll stay on, but they work, and the result is possibly the most endearing thing he’s seen. He snaps a few shots with his phone - it’s lucky he upgraded its storage, because he’s already taken enough photos to fill a museum of baby pictures - and then kisses Leah’s forehead, lifting her so she’s held against his chest as he carries her out to the living room and sinks down on the couch.

Jake must have been on this couch nearly a thousand times. From pre-relationship Thanksgiving dinners to early dates to countless movie nights on this particular piece of furniture, a substantial part of all the hours Jake's ever spent at home with Amy has been focused to the off-white seats. He's had makeout sessions, sleepless nights and lengthy discussions on it, but it's the first time he hangs out with his daughter there.

He must say she seems pretty chill about everything new so far. She lays against his legs without complaint, and he watches her as she blinks and yawns, waving and kicking her limbs with intermittent, jerky movements.

“Cool to have this much space, huh? Must've been pretty cramped in your first living quarters," he comments on her stretches. “I can't believe we have you here already. I mean, I figured you'd be early because of those Santiago genes, but your mom convinced me not to get my hopes up.”

“I kind of knew, though," he adds, holding her tiny feet through the socks. “I had a feeling. This is when you say yeah, dad, you were totally right, you're the smartest.”

Leah makes little bubbling noises with her lips in response. Jake decides to interpret them as an agreement.

The shower stops running in the background. He figures this means Amy should be back soon, but for now he has some remaining alone time to enjoy with his daughter. He's in the exact situation he was scared for his life to even think about six months ago, the only one in charge if Leah starts wailing uncontrollably or stops breathing or some other nightmare scenario, but for some reason, he's not panicking.

He's calm. Somehow, he thinks she's the secret.

“I'm still a bit nervous, you know," he tells her while she keeps up her squirming. Every now and then she squints at him like she’s trying to make out the details of his face, looking adorably skeptical. “I know what it’s like to have a crappy parent, and I’m scared of becoming one. I probably will be for a long time, but… I’m starting to think it’s going to be okay.”

He has to take a break before he keeps talking, taking a deep breath to compose himself.

“I’m going to try my best, always. Every single day. I’ll probably fail a whole bunch, but I’m always going to try. For you.”

Leah accidentally punches herself in the face with one of her fists as he says the last words, making herself gasp in confusion and Jake laugh.

“I promise," he adds with a careful grip of her tiny hands, nudging at one fist with his pinkie until her fingers close around it. “I’m not going to leave you, ever.”

It’s a dicey promise to make for someone with his profession. Too many times in his career, he’s had to pack his things and leave everything behind for reasons far beyond his control, and he’s known for getting so sucked into a case he’ll forget to eat and sleep and go home for days on end. Neither of these factors are compatible with having and raising children, and while he can’t really control whether any mafia bosses will force him to go into hiding soon, Jake knows he’s picked up his last double shift for a long, long while. He has almost all of the next month off to learn how to be a family with his wife and daughter, and even after he returns to work, the shifts will be fewer and somewhat shorter.

Four years ago it would’ve been agony. Now, he couldn’t be more excited.

He’s going to watch his daughter grow up and become the coolest little person in the Universe, and he gets to do it all with the love of his life. It’s a nonpareil joy, and he wants to describe it all in words to Leah, but he’s sleep-deprived and overtired and ever-so-slightly worried it’d be the factor to finally bring him to tears, so he starts humming Hedwig’s Theme to the newborn instead.

“Oh, man.” He notices Amy’s presence first when he hears her sniffle and sees her shake her head as she sits down next to them. Her hair is blow-dried and she’s changed into grey pajama pants and a tank-top, completing the outfit with a blue hoodie identical to his own. He suspects both the pants and hoodie are originally his, but when it comes to stopping her from stealing his clothes, he lost the battle a long time ago.“I was so proud of myself for not having cried yet today, and then you go ruin it.”

“I mean," he grins, giving her an amused look. “Is making you cry really that much of an achievement right now?”

“Don’t try me," she warns him and dabs at her eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie. “You wouldn’t last an hour with these hormones. Or any other part of it.”

“Fair judgment.”

“Yeah.” Leah’s begun to whimper again, puckering her lips at the sound of Amy’s voice. “You want to give her over? I think she's hungry.”

“Do you magically sense that or something?” He transfers his daughter over to his wife, gently as if she’d been made of crystal glass.

“My boobs feel like stone, does that count?”

“Ah.”

“Trust me, they're not the worst thing.” Jake grimaces, and Amy laughs at his reaction while she adjusts herself, a couple of pillows and Leah to a comfortable position. “Giving birth is a nightmare.”

“Sorry you had to," he says, scooching closer so he reaches to put his arm around her shoulders. “You were incredible, if it's any consolation.”

“Thank you.” She whispers the words without looking at him. Her gaze is locked on Leah, pure admiration lighting up her face while she watches the newborn eat. “I see you chose her socks.”

“She looks cute, right? I think they suit her.”

“She's wearing the mom-ones tomorrow," Amy states. “And she’s always cute, but yes. They suit her.”

As intense of an effort as it is to divert his attention from the newborn, Jake’s growling stomach eventually reminds him they haven’t eaten since lunch. Pizza seems as good a celebration as any after three days of hospital food, he decides, and manages to finish their order and end the call right when Leah finishes eating.

“I can take her," he offers, and Amy gently transfers the girl back, helping him hold her so that her chin rests on his shoulder.

“You look like such a dad.” Amy laughs. “It’s a good look on you.”

“I am a dad," he corrects her, and she smiles wide.

“You are. How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know," he confesses. “Happy and nervous. She’s the greatest thing in the world, clearly, and I have no idea if I’ll be good enough at taking care of her, but…” He takes a deep breath. “I love her, and I hope so.”

“I know you will be. I think Lee does, too.”

As if to either confirm or deny her mother’s suggestion, Leah chooses that very moment to let out a loud burp and spit up all down the back of his hoodie.

“Burp cloth, Ames, you forgot the burp cloth," he mutters as his wife wheezes with laughter.

He doesn’t bother changing his hoodie. It would take getting up and disturbing the milk-drunk baby who falls asleep on his chest minutes later, curled up like a koala bear with her mouth open, and he can’t make himself risk waking her up.

She’s a warm, comfortable weight against his ribs, in perfect height for him to kiss the top of her head if he looks down. He’s never seen anyone look quite so peaceful.

Amy leans her head on his spit-up free shoulder, snuggling into his side and holding one of their daughter’s fists in her hand, and Jake never knew his heart could grow to the size it’s doing.

He figures it’s for the best. If he’s going to spend the rest of his life loving the two people currently falling asleep on him with everything he has, his heart will have to perform some serious expansion.

(It does.)

[davidmann95]

E L S E W O R L D S ? ? ?

MY THOUGHTS ON THE WORLDS AND THEIR ELSE-ENING ARE MANY.

Gonna put most of this under a spoiler cut just in case, but right up front: I only regularly watch The Flash starting with Season 4 (along with seeing the first half-seasons of it and Supergirl, plus sporadic episodes of the other shows and Invasion!), and while there are absolutely standout episodes, it’s probably the most lukewarmly received piece of media I consume on a regular basis. So Elseworlds looked rad, and The Best Superman was coming back for it, but aside from hints that it was going all Final Crisis (which sadly weren’t realized) I was hardly outright ecstatic at the prospect of a Freaky Friday alone, even with Batwoman’s introduction in play. Basically I assumed it’d a bunch of fine stuff I’d get through so I could drink up the Superman content like a dying man in a desert.

This was my favorite live-action DC thing since The Dark Knight Rises if not in fact The Dark Knight itself, and in all honesty probably my favorite period of the non-Batman division. It was everything I want out of this sort of project and more.

I’mma break this down into a few categories: as a whole, Superman specifically because if you’re here you know what my deal is, THE ENDING, and a multitude of scattershot impressions and thoughts.

AS A WHOLE: Was this a masterwork of layered conceptual depth and calculated plotting tight as drum? Hardly - if nothing else, the sheer fact that the entire Superfamily is functionally and thematically superfluous precludes that upfront. But again, this is the perfect version of this kind of series, where clockwork precision is rarely the name of the game (aside from that dope episode of Flash with the bomb) so much as excitement and character-driven emotion, and in that regard this is the platonic ideal. Oliver and Barry hold the narrative together as Barry low-key relearns the value of his own kind of strength, and Oliver high-key learns to accept that he’s not living in a world defined by him anymore and he needs to be better, to the point where I may not even rag on him as Walmart Batman anymore every time I have cause to mention him, especially since that gets its own perfect sendoff. Batwoman functions as a perfect pilot capsule while still functioning as a chunk of a larger story, and Ruby Rose is on point. Supergirl gets some quality content even with her hands off the wheel (which is one of the lesser aspects given…well, given this is probably gonna be the last crossover like this and she really should have been the lead for one of them). It’s funny and thrilling and so damn weird, concerned above all else with making you giggle at doing stuff you’ve wanted to see for years and then making you give a shit about the emotional consequences of Barry Allen picking up some archery classes, and it earns what it reaches for.

Moreover, this episode represented a moment of maturation for me in terms of its status as a shared universe: Crisis on Earth-X was the culmination of what this world HAD been with its massive group shot aboard the Waverider, and that culmination was my going “wow, lookit that, they really did build something kinda functional out of what they had to work with”. It was a world that was comic book as all hell in the best way, but its own oddball strain made up of recognizable pieces broken off from a larger puzzle and rearranged into a new configuration. Here? From the moment the Monitor chases off 90s Flash on a desperate race from his dead world and the bodies of an army of superheroes to save all creation, into Superman taking his place as a central figure, Batman’s mythology unfurling out of nowhere at a beautifully shameless breakneck pace, the establishment of the Multiverse and Monitor mythology as the base level concept uniting the universe as a whole, and hotlinks to a half-dozen other major mythology elements I’d given up on ever seeing acknowledged, this really and profoundly feels like DC Comics.

SUPERMAN: Still so so good! I will say, this wasn’t nearly as much a breakthrough standout display for Hoechlin’s Clark as his prior Supergirl appearances, with a couple line readings where he’s maybe just a little too chill, and less opportunity to display range or depth given he’s in the back seat. And dude’s gotta practice pretending to be thrown back, however you do that, because that was pretty badly fakey-looking. If this had been his debut, I still would’ve loved him, but he’d be taking up third or fourth on my list of live-action Superman actors rather than sitting pretty at #1; I have to wonder if a lot of his energy simply went to his killer performance as Deegan, or if he’s still modulating his kinda-being-his-real-self-but-also-still-putting-on-the-Supermanness chunk of his performance given it’s with Kara and Lois that he really shines. If someone writes him off as a dime store Reeve though, they’re still wrong and also probably bad. Shoring up his cracks though is Elizabeth Tulloch, who’s already at least vying for a place on the Lois Lane Mount Rushmore. Reminded me heavily of the best of Erica Durance’s take, but with an additional straightforward bluntness that suits Lane incredibly well, and a talent for talking rings around Clark that does more than any other Lois to date to sell the idea that that’s a huge part of what he loves about her. Also she slaps around a mad god with the hammer for the cosmic anvil from All-Star Superman, because if there’s one thing Lois Lane steadfastly refuses to be in the business of, it’s in any way fucking around.

As for the big question: even aside from Tulloch making pretty clear in a recent interview that it’s something producers are talking about, yes, I absolutely think the Superman/Lois chunk of this was as fully intended to act as a backdoor pilot for them as the second act was for Batwoman. I know I’ve been certain on this in the past just as a matter of ‘they can use Superman so it would be foolish not to push that’, but then, well, nothing happened. But here, while the creators are clearly hedging their bets with providing them what could easily be a happily-ever-after, their appearance in this way in this context is bizarrely conspicuous and pointless if that wasn’t what was intended. They’re incidental to the plot (Deegan becoming Superman, while great fun that gives us an interesting new spin on the evil Superman concept, is basically just an aesthetic), the functionality of getting Clark away from National City had already been handled by the season premiere and never actually takes anything more than ‘he’s busy in space/plugging up a volcano/fighting Luthor’ as has already been done in the past, the guest spots and relevant emotional beats could have easily been contained to an episode of Supergirl rather than spilling out into an already stuffed three episodes, and if they could only be used in one crossover for some reason they’d obviously be saved for the next one. And they get a scene to themselves AFTER their role with our leads is wrapped up, with a moment that could have already come off-screen earlier but didn’t, purely to endear them to us in a way that would make us want to see more of them. I’m not saying a Superman show is now guaranteed, but unless there was some bizarre instruction that they suddenly once and for all needed to permanently get rid of him - yet permitted that to be accomplished via the delivery mechanism of more Superman, in a way that’s noted as impermanent in-universe and in a context that’s going to introduce him and Lois and push them as big deals to the maximum possible number of viewers - yeah, I think that’s what the people who made this must have been intending. And that the powers that be let them is incredibly encouraging. As Tulloch said, a lot of this is out of the hands of anyone but corporate, but Elseworlds got season highs so that’s a point in their favor; hopefully Cryer works out as Luthor, because I imagine that’s the other checkmark needing to be crossed off that comes down to the response of the viewership.

Also the proposal was perfect, and I am astonished that happening after the pregnancy was announced got to go through - ‘modern’ indeed, as Cat Grant would put it. I get it’s got precedent of a sort in Superman Returns, but on the other hand, that precedent was Superman Returns. I’m surprised I’m not already seeing thinkpieces on the degradation of American Values coming out of this.

FUCK: 

FUCK.

I really thought there was gonna be one more crossover before they dove all the way in. But nope, nope nope nope, instead by this time next year for-real live action Crisis on Infinite Earths with Flash, Supergirl, Superman, the Monitor, shadow demons, the Psycho Pirate, and assuredly a comprehensive collection of carefully curated cameos from the ghosts of DC TV past will be a thing out there in the world. Marv Wolfman sure must be having a nice day.

And boy, they are not in ANY kind of position to half-ass it. The name value alone would be enough, but if that was it they could at least maybe get away with Dean Cain and Brandon Routh showing up in their old working clothes to help beat up the Anti-Monitor on a cordoned-off Vancouver street, maybe a couple of the Legends folks biting it. But they‘ve been explicitly acknowledging it as a thing they’d build up to for five years, since episode one of their most popular show, and if I’m right and the writing in the book of Destiny was supposed to be the same kind of text that Nora’s writing, they’ve been actively setting up Chekhov’s guns within the shows themselves for at minimum two years. AND they’ve already done three other world-threatening multiversal crossovers, including a classic JLA/JSA-model Crisis, so they’ve already established a threshold of crossover event that this needs to plainly mark itself as an entirely different order of magnitude from, AND they’ve had a threat to the multiverse before in Zoom so just saying that again without really showing it isn’t going to measure up. Hell, the idea of massive status quo changes is reinforced as being just the much of the mission statement of this as the original via Psycho Pirate. They’ve apparently quite knowingly backed themselves into a corner where they actually have to Wreck Shit. At minimum one of the three leads has to die for keeps, and all have the symbolic weight behind them - Oliver included after Elseworlds, and really in the first place as the founder of this DCU - and have obvious enough successor shows waiting in the wings to feel like they’re legitimately in the line of fire.

My hope? One that unlike usual I’m not gonna bolster by drawing on evidence at hand and logical assumptions, but the way I simply feel it Should Go and think at this point has a legitimate chance of being the case? Crisis is its own miniseries in the fall in place of the return of the other four shows, a massive high-budget ensemble piece with room to breathe…and at the end pretty much everyone dies. Most of the Legends, some supporting cast members, and above all Oliver, Barry, and Kara ALL die grandiosely and nobly to save all creation, hidden from the audience successfully by way of a miniseries ‘putting off’ the actually nonexistent renewals of the existing series. Earths 1 and 38 are merged (hopefully without discarding the multiverse as a whole, and with the heroes remembering their pasts), and in the wake of this massive conclusion, the entire DCTV lineup is effectively relaunched. Batwoman comes in here, taking Arrow’s place, while Superman emerges (likely with a psuedo-Rebirth setup since Jon’s on the way - they can figure out a way to get him to the appropriate age) with him dealing with his family and his initial grief, The Flash is relaunched with Wally and/or Nora assuming the mantle, and Legends reconstituting itself, whether by its original title or as Legion of Superheroes or Justice League, with a new lineup made up in large part of the castoffs from the cancelled series. Again, obviously there’s nothing definitely pointing towards this being the case, but somehow it just feels right, especially with Batwoman and Superman shows clearly being gestured towards when Arrow and Supergirl are the shows that would definitely have to end or at least change names with the death of their leads. The strongest evidence against all this, I think, is that Supergirl wouldn’t quite have hit a hundred episodes and syndication yet. Though there may still be that Supergirl movie too, so that’s a factor.

A couple incidental thoughts on that front: 

* Interesting that Flash vanishes in 2024 and is still gone in 2049, but the first crossover - made when ‘Flash vanishes’ was already a keystone mythology element, and given its place at such an important moment you’d think the writers would remember - makes clear there’s an old Barry around in 2056. I could see that coming up. 

* Thawne’s role in this season of Flash feels at this point like it has to dovetail into everything, and I could see him taking up Psycho Pirates’ role in the original story even if the genuine article’s around. 

* I wonder if Jon Cryer’s gonna play Alexander Luthor.

* If Kara and Barry do die, and likely make some post-death appearances, I wouldn’t mind if they for the sake of novelty reverse things so that it’s Kara who comes back for real in Final Crisis, while Barry’s the one who comes from the past unknowingly and tear-inducingly ala Whatever Happened From The Man Of Tomorrow? (that could easily be set up via the “three hardest days of your life” thing Johns did in his Flash run).

* Incidentally, do Final Crisis as the ultimate event the next wave of shows build up to like this was built up to, and make that the end of everything.

* If I’m all wrong about Superman and he’s just being set up as a lamb to the slaughter for Crisis to fill the Supergirl role (which would still by no means require him appearing in Elseworlds, especially given it’s not like he develops a relationship with Barry or Oliver, so I’ll say my points all still stand), I get the impulse is to do him dying in Kara’s arms. But if they do wanna go this way and finish his story, I really, really hope that instead they let him deal at least part of the killing blow and then somehow vanish into ‘Heaven’ with Lois and Jon. If you’re gonna homage a Superman bit from there to close him out, that’s the one to go with.

* If Ezra Miller wasn’t bullshitting and would be willing to put in a little appearance, this is the place.

ASSORTED REACTIONS:

* “Oh Barry, what have you done this time?” Oliver’s wise to your shit, boy. He knows full well he’s pretty much in a ‘Barry fucks up with Flashpoint even further’ meme come to life.

* Barry freaking out that he knows kung fu is a delight, as is Oliver trying so dang hard to do this whole ‘Flash’ thing.

* Knocking out the pair of them is admittedly *a bit much*, but while some might correctly note that they’ve seen so much weird shit they should be able to accept this, I’d say it’d also be fair to note that they’ve seen so much weird shit they’re not wrong to think this is gonna snowball into some bullshit and it’d maybe be simplest to nip it in the bud and get things under control.

* Barry, I’m glad there are toilets in the Pipeline, but someday you’re going to think to ask ‘so Cisco, what are you feeding them down there?’, and then Vibe’s gonna go OH FRAK or some other nerd shit and they’re gonna find 5 seasons worth of corpses to clean up.

* Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha they did fuckin’ KGBeast on Arrow. Was that who Dolph Lundgren played? Checking…no. Dang.

* I had heard there was gonna be a Remy Zero shout-out for Smallville, but I assumed someone would just ask for someone to save them or it would be playing on the radio, not that they’d hard swerve from vague orchestral stirrings to pseudo-Nickelback. Loved it.

* Clark’s doin’ Clark stuff and I love it, Lois is doin’ Lois stuff and I love it, she nearly kills the Flash and Green Arrow with a hammer (truly her weapon of choice!) and I love it.

* Oliver pathetically puffing out his chest, WHILE CLARK ISN’T EVEN BEING SUPERMAN, is as good as television gets.

* AMAZO. Aside from basic delight at his existence, I love that the ‘Mirakiru’ ties into the Ivo material I know was in early, pre-superhero Arrow. It’s as if when Smallville got to do Supergirl and Doomsday for real they went ahead and tied them back in to the weird proto versions of them they’d already set up not knowing what they’d be able to do later. Much as Mxyzptlk or Grodd or Muppet Legends (I also caught that shows’ midseason finale, it was delightful) are easy to point to as indicators of how far this universe has come, this underlined that in a very unique way.

* Harsh, Barry - and where did you get those crossbows? - but earned as the Superfamily probably put together when they heard Oliver yelling about how when HE shot Barry he totally had a good reason for it. And along with the sheer, savage power of “I don’t think you can go more than nine hours without some sappy motivational speech”, it sets up Barry’s more understated character arc relative to Oliver in questioning and then reaffirming that his brand of emotional strength is just as strong as what your cowled types draw on. And while Lois obviously had the killer moment, Clark’s little “well, you kinda had that coming” look when Barry floors Oliver is nicely done. Smart money says he was thinkin’ about Bruce.

* Continued into the porch conversation, where the show takes its first real step in rehabilitating CW Green Arrow into a character I may no longer refer to by default as Walmart Batman as the show continues to dunk on him but he begins to take it in stride and realize he’s gonna have to change things up a bit.

* “Cool. Who are you?” “A friend.” So choice. Is that very clearly Williams-evoking musical sting at the end there something that often shows up in Supergirl? And I can’t tell whether’s Clark’s grin is in response to what he’s about to do, or because he’s relishing the hilarity of meeting a normal dude for the first time in his adult life who doesn’t know who Superman is, but either way I love it. And since I found his previous introductory shirt-tear honestly a little sub-par, this was an appreciated moment of redemption.

* Amazo fight rules, obviously. I do like to imagine the headlines the next day mentioning “hey, another superhero teamup happened with Supergirl from that other Earth who helped out with those invasions, and this time a male partner of hers showed up, some kind of…Super-man?” as the one pubic mention of Superman in the history of what’s presented as a ‘main’ DC universe.

* Barry just casually addressing ‘Clark’ by his first name is the first moment where I really thought ‘oh wow, this IS the DC Universe now’. And that “You’re welcome” worked as a reminder where there otherwise wasn’t space that yeah, he’s a nice dude, but maybe don’t tug too hard on his cape.

* Even though it wasn’t overtly followed up on, Barry being reminded that following Oliver’s example as his source of strength isn’t what’s gonna win him the day in the long run in the way that matters is a pretty essential piece.

* Every moment of Total Bat-Bullshit in here was so cheap and I loved it all so much.

* Oliver-dunking takes on its glorious apotheosis here - you know the line I’m thinking of - but it’s a necessary aspect of his journey here.

* Ruby Rose is very good as the charismatic vaguely menacing but easily flirty businesswoman, and again later kicking ass and delivering the growl, which she honestly does better than any live action Batman to this point. Curious to have it elaborated what kind of role she had in Bruce’s operation, given she clearly knew and has her own friggin’ cave.

* And then Barry stands up to Oliver’s demons while Oliver realizes Barry’s.

* “You really do have a lot of tattoos.” Oh my, Kara.

* “You have real steel in you, my friend.” And there you go for Barry’s arc.

* Well, wow. Fan theory bullshit triumphs at last, and now I kind of have to imagine we’re gonna see some actual Lanterns down the line. Hope, likely in vain, we see Hal so he can pal around with them before Oliver and/or Barry bite it.

* Mar Novu, huh? Somea that Final Crisis bullshiiiiit, please do feel free to pursue that further. Mandrakk’s cousin or something I guess?

* That can’t really be the end of the 90s Flash, right? If nothing else, he needs to stick around so that if they decide not to disintegrate Grant Gustin after all he can be the one there to make the death run.

* Episode one: “The darkness…I feel it…it threatens…to…CONSUME me…” Episode three : “oh my GOD Oliver we broke a LAW I’m gonna THROW UP”

* Hoechlin plays the hell out of Scary Dickhead Superman, even if it’s odd that Deegan was defensive about making an arguably sexist choice of identity when he already openly fucking supports eugenics. But an anon asked me about this and suggested this is a top-tier evil Superman, and yeah, I’d agree with that. He’s not scary because’s a mad god, he’s scary because he’s a small, small man who’s lucked his way into being GTA mod Superman, all of the pluses with none of the minuses, all of the ego-assuaging praise and power without having to meaningfully hold up his end of the bargain. It’s an effective twist on Superman as a power fantasy, one that’s scary in a very different way than the idea of it going wrong usually is. Because instead of him letting us down, it’s one of us joining him in the sun and trying to kick him and the rest of us out because it’s all HIS now.

* Oh yeah, of course Superman totally knows about the Book of Destiny. All the REALLY cool superheroes got that that kind of experience in the bag.

* As I said, Supergirl takes a back seat, but Benoist really shines with swaying Alex Danvers - from the moment I saw she’d be in this from the trailer I thought “Kara swaying her can’t be done very believably, it would be convincing her of a whole other life instead of a minor alteration”, but damn if she didn’t sell it.

* I must admit, the Superman V Superman fight is Hoechlin’s low point; him losing the advantage because he’s saving people is perfect, but some of his good-Superman deliveries lack the necessary conviction, and whether due to the animation or his overexagerated tumbling, him getting knocked around the city looks notably fake in parts to an extent that breaks the immersion.

* I guess Superman fought Bizarro at some point, if that concept carried over (I know Supergirl fought a Bizarro too, but if Superman never fought one the average citizen wouldn’t make that comparison). I suppose it’s the Earth-1 Alex Danvers and James Olsen though?

* Similar note: Kara mentions that ‘maybe my pod didn’t make it here’, and given doppelgangers are a thing, it’s been noted there’s a Krypton in each universe, obviously at least one other major superhero carries over in Batman, and the degree of long-term planning clearly going on at this point with the multiverse stuff, I honestly wonder if they might be laying the seeds for something on why Superman and Supergirl never happened on Earth-1.

* I do like that Superman’s technically the one who beats the bad guy flat-out and saves the world from a broken history by sheer force of will, even if he’s not the one with the splashier more permanent win later (and even then he saves Lois).

* Fuck yes. Never liked Superman turning the world backwards, but now entirely worth it for how that shit comes back here in the most gleefully unhinged manner imaginable (even if Mach 7 wiping out Barry and Kara is absurd on the face of it).

* And Oliver comes full circle to realizing he’s no longer the center of his own universe, realizing he can be better while still proving he has it in him to make the hardest call. This dude still ain’t Ollie, but I guess I can acknowledge him as Green Arrow.

* And then it’s all Superman stuff and Crisis, which I discussed, though worth mentioning just how off-guard the Jon confirmation caught me. Thumbs up on that!

[infiniteglitterfall]

hahahahahahaha FUN: 

We have a baby and we barely make any money. We are working our asses off to remedy the money part. (The baby is perfect. there is literally no reason for me to make that point, except they’re so perfect and amazing??? how?????) 

That’s all fine, except also? We had to kick out a housemate who was (1) not paying rent, (2) not taking care of his cats, and (3) I don’t think a need a third.

He couldn’t bring his cats to his new place. One of them is like 16 years old and the other one only has 3 3/4 legs, I don’t think they’d do great in a shelter, so we adopted them. 

Turns out the older one has had chronic urinary tract infections for literally years, and that’s why she wouldn’t use the litterbox. (Which by the way is why that room is now UNUSABLE, so we can’t rent it out to replace that money. I mean: that, and the fact that the former housemate wasn’t cleaning up after her at all. that’s actually #3 in the list of “dude, you gotta leave.”) And she also has severe dental problems and chronic infections around that. 

Turns out the younger one should have had medical care for his 3/4 of a leg when he was little, and it was getting re-injured and infected. 

So far, in just the past month, between urine cultures, and bloodwork, and regular vet fees, and emergency vet fees, and prescriptions, we’ve spent almost a thousand dollars (that we definitely didn’t have) on vet care. (It was $237 + $267.23 + $57.50 + $45 + $21.75 + $346.48 = $974.96.) 

That took care of Monkey’s infected leg: he still has to wear a cone for another week, but he is finally happy and feisty and curious and having a good time. 

And it took care of Lola’s urinary tract infection, which must be a huge revelation for her after all these years. She is happy too; she loves finally getting the attention and love she needs (so’s Monkey) and has totally integrated into the family. 

BUT not only did we not have a thousand dollars to spend, the vet also quoted us $1,800 for dental surgery, and is really emphatic about getting it done ASAP. (oh right, and the old housemate owes us $2050 on top of that, which we’ve had to front for his bills etc., and which I can near-guarantee he is never going to pay. yiike. and yes, we’re getting ready to take him to small claims court.) 

And the other vet quoted us $5,000 for surgery for Monkey’s leg, to keep it from continuously getting re-injured and re-infected. (and yes, we’re getting other quotes! because Yike.)  oh right -- and we have to get the floor of the ex-housemate’s room totally refinished, because it is never going to stop smelling otherwise, and even if it did... it’s literally buckled from all the cat pee.

So we’re passing the hat. 

Please, please donate if you can, and signal boost if you’re willing! 

[nextstarblazers]

EPISODE 19

“We all know Homer pretty well, and his outburst this afternoon sort of bothers us. He said things I’m sure he didn’t mean--but still, he did touch on what’s worrying all of us. Just what are our chances, really, of getting to Iscandar and returning to Earth with the Cosmo DNA?” -- Mark Venture

This is the last of the smaller, more personal episodes that make up the spine of the middle section of the first series of STAR BLAZERS, and it’s a good example of how the human drama was just as important, if not more important, than the space battles and pyrotechnics in the success of the show. Once again, it’s a bit blunted from its source material, but it still packs an emotional wallop, and is about greater considerations concerning faith and hope and fortitude than any other show during this time period was delivering.

The episode opens by immediately establishing its point of human drama. Homer, the Star Force’s communications officer, is at his wits’ end, and so he goes to visit Doctor Sane. He complains of a constant ringing in his ears, and he can’t eat or sleep. Recognizing the twin signs of homesickness and stress from being cooped up aboard ship for several months, Dr. Sane recommends a session in the Holography Room, a concept that had been set up in one of the earliest episodes of the show, but not touched upon since.

This was more than a decade before STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION made the Holodeck a recurring locale and plot point of its series, and it functioned in much the same way. Nova projects Holography Tapes that Homer recorded before the ship left Earth, reconstructing Homer’s home town. (Presumably, these films were made before the Gamilon bombing, as they seem to be taking place on the tranquil surface.) But when Homer sees his elderly mother gathering wood, he has a full-on emotional breakdown. Nova is mystified as to what is going on with him.

Part of Homer’s stress, it seems, may be due to a new development. Under mysterious circumstances, and despite now being 70,000 light years from Earth, the Star Force has discovered that it can once again communicate with its home planet. It’s a source of much joy among the crew as the recovering Captain Avatar calls in to Earth Defense Headquarters to update them on the Star Force’s mission (In YAMATO, a number of specific details are listed that STAR BLAZERS omits, such as the fact that their mission is presently 51 days and 61,000 light years behind special, but that by warping twice a day for a distance of 1,200 light years each time, he believes they can be back on Earth in 152 more days.) but some uncertainty to, as the crew becomes aware of just how bad conditions are currently on Earth.

Adding to this, Homer bursts into the room and has a full-on meltdown: “You’re all a bunch of idiots listening to that! What are you all doing here? Do you like being fooled? Don’t you realize no one here knows anything at all about where we’re going? Captain, have you ever been to Iscandar? Every space warp takes us further into the dark unknown! We’re on a fool’s errand, and Gamilon is waiting, and waiting, and waiting! They know all about space! They’re playing with us! They let us go a little ways, then pounce! Like a cat with a mouse! You don’t know how bad things are on Earth! They won’t tell you!” It’s a tour de force performance by Homer’s voice actor. When Captain Avatar asks Homer about the source of his information, the communications officer hyperventilates and passes out. 

Morale continues to break down for the Star Force crew that evening, when Captain Avatar invites the senior staff to dinner, to thank them for their assistance during his recovery period. Rattled by Homer’s outburst, Mark Venture takes the opportunity to voice what is running through everybody’s minds at this point: is Homer right? Is their mission to save Earth doomed? What, really, are their chances of success, alone against an overwhelmingly more powerful enemy force? STAR BLAZERS makes an interesting and positive choice here, to eliminate the upbeat cut of music that plays over Venture’s monologue in the YAMATO episode. It’s one of the few times that I can think of where the American show drops music from the soundtrack--but it lends a greater sense of weight to venture’s question.

It falls to Captain Avatar to try to put the crew’s mind at ease, even while he must be holding some of the same misgivings himself: “Venture, we’ve come this far together. It’s true we don’t know what lies ahead, but no one knows tomorrow. There are no guarantees. We know we’ve been entrusted with the life of Earth. Only the Star Force can save Earth. To do that, we must believe in a future for all of us. To do our job today. If we don’t, we’re lost. Earth is lost.” The rest of the meal passes in silence.

At this point, as they did a few episodes ago, the production team on STAR BLAZERS chooses to shuffle a few scenes from the source material, to more clearly convey what is going on. So at this point we cut (with a bad slice on the music cue) to Balan, where an aide reports to General Lysis that their communications relay satellite is allowing the Star Force to contact Earth, and that this is all a psy-ops strategy to destroy the morale of the crew (while also gathering intel about the Star Force, I’d assume.) In YAMATO, this scene doesn’t show up until much later.

As the previous music cue fades up again, we see Homer awaken in the middle of the night and make his way down to the communications room, dismissing the crewman who is on station there. With nobody else around, he contacts Earth--and specifically, the home of his elderly parents. He’s been doing this routinely, we learn--and his father is extremely ill. 

Actually, he’s quite a bit more than ill, but STAR BLAZERS cuts out the harshest portions of this next bit from YAMATO, as Homer’s mother tells him that Food is growing scarce and that riots have become a daily danger in the underground cities. In order to provide for his wife, Homer’s father went out into one of the riots to secure them food, and was terribly injured as a result. (STAR BLAZERS chalks up his conditions to fatigue from having worked so hard to build the underground cities.) 

As his mother turns the viewscreen to the bed in which her husband lies, so that he can see his son Homer one last time, Homer’s father tells him to get back to Earth, that his mother needs him--and then he dies. Again, STAR BLAZERS conceals this death, having him simply pass our--but you can see the sheet covering his face in the very last shot in this sequence, as Homer turns to discover that Wildstar has learned his secret. Almost insane, Homer bolts from the room.

Homer races to the bridge where, for some reason, Venture is the only one on duty, piloting the Argo. Homer begs Venture to turn the ship around: “Venture, we’ve got to get back to Earth! Turn around! It’s not too late yet! Please! I’ve been talking to Earth! My family--my father’s sick! My mother--s-she cried! Look, I’m begging you! We’re never gonna make it! Turn back!” Again here, Homer’s voice performer really sells the genuineness of the moment. But it’s to no avail--Venture will not chance course, and so Homer races out again, just steps ahead of Wildstar, who’s been pursuing him. 

The pair call down to Conroy on the flight deck, who saw him creeping around near the space suit lockers. YAMATO provides a bit of ill-timed fan service at this point, as Nova comes out of her room in her nightgown. She was looking out of the porthole in her cabin and saw Homer drift past, scaring the hell out of her. From here, we get a wonderful shot of the very end of the standard Argo fly-by, with Homer left in its wake, trying vainly to swim through space back home.

This is the point in YAMATO where the narrative switches to Balan and General Lysis explains about the communications satellite he’s set up to follow the Argo and allow them to communicate with Earth. STAR BLAZERS instead has another rough music cut as the Argo, amazingly, comes to a halt and the Black Tiger squadron is dispatched to fly a search patrol for their missing crewman. It’s a very human gesture, but given that the fate of all mankind is at stake, it’s a bit astonishing that the Star Force puts the mission on hold this way. 

Meanwhile, Homer is floating through space, experiencing a full-on nervous breakdown. He hallucinates the Earth in the distance and half-passes out trying to reach it. Amazingly, he floats crash-bang into the relay satellite that’s been following the ship. It’s a pretty huge stretch given the size of space (and the fact that STAR BLAZERS never establishes that the relay satellite is literally trailing the Argo) but we’ll go ahead and give it to them. Recognizing the satellite for what it is, Homer realizes the implication and the danger to the Star Force that it represents. But he has no way to contact them. (You might think that, being the communications officer, he could use this enormous transmitter he’s sitting on to send them a message. But no such luck.)

Fortunately for Homer, Wildstar comes across him just a few minutes later. Now snapped back to reality by his discovery of the relay satellite (YAMATO spends a few seconds and some repeated footage in making Homer’s sudden recuperation feel more earned) Homer tells Widstar what the satellite is all about, and they destroy it using the guns in Wildstar’s fighter.

Communication with Earth is now once more cut off, but perhaps that’s for the best. “Our next message, we’ll be on our way home, “ says Homer, “with good news from Iscandar!” It’s quite a turn-around for the young officer, whose language almost makes him seem a bit Born Again. But it makes for an upbeat ending, and that’s what’s called for her. As the pair and the rest of the rescue team returns to the Argo, narration tells us that there are still only 255 days remaining for all life on Earth, so the mission must go on!

[james-roday]

A Million Little Things Screening

What’s the point of living in the entertainment capital of the world if you’re not going to weasel your way into a free screening or two and maybe see your favorite star? 

None, I say. The traffic is legendary, cost of living atrocious, and thanks to global warming, the sweltering summers last forever. But hey, it’s L.A. baby! 

Thanks to @jamesrodaypresents, I was able to get a free ticket to an advanced screening of Jame’s new show “A Million Little Things” last night at the Los Angeles Contemporary Museum of Art (LACMA). It’s quite the venue. The building itself is a work of art. If you get the chance to visit L.A., add LACMA to your list. 

I arrived at the venue better than an hour early and discovered I wasn’t the only person harboring the brilliant notion to get in line before the crowds hit. You’ve got to wake up pretty early and bring your own mini stool and snacks in order to beat the crowd that had already lined up for the screening. Still, I wasn’t far back, perhaps 20 people deep. My ticket was no guarantee of a seat, but I felt reasonably confident I would get in the theater. 

The line for the plebeians wasn’t far from the main entrance and provided a great vantage point to watch all the stars of “A Million Little Things” to arrive. I watched every cast member walk past, dressed to the nines and ready to smile for the cameras. Except for James. God bless him, when James rolled up, it was hard to not get the impression that he had simply rolled out of bed, put on his “not jeans” and a pair of Doc Martens by way of dressing up. But that’s part of his charm, at least, it is for me. 

We members of the peanut gallery still had a while to wait before being allowed entrance. As I waited, an aspiring actor stood behind me practicing lines for an audition. It was so LA, it hurt. Finally, the doors opened and we filed in to the theater, palpably excited. 

I quickly saw that my earlier worry about getting a seat was unwarranted. There were barely enough people to fill a quarter of the seats. Good thing I got here early! I sauntered up to the front row and took a seat. I didn’t have to elbow a single person in the throat to secure a seat - it felt anticlimactic. 

A little more waiting and then the show was introduced. We were off to the races! 

I enjoyed the pilot and think it has every potential of becoming a hit show. The marketing for “A Million Little Things” has certainly been prevalent enough to give it a shot at success. I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but in LA the show has been thoroughly shoved down everyone’s throats. You can’t swing a cat without  hitting a billboard or poster for the show.  I was relieved that the pilot lived up to expectations! 

As you would expect with any pilot, there’s a lot of exposition and setting the stage for plot lines down the road. Still, the show managed to keep my interest as it blended together the dark topic of suicide with moments of inappropriate comedy. 

James’ performance was still the James you know and love. The biting humor and witty comebacks are something any Psych fan will be familiar with in his repertoire. The new element is his character Gary’s anger. James manages to blend his patented humor and speaking cadence over a thinly veiled well of  Gary’s rage.  This is great work from James. 

And now......SPOILERS!

**SPOILERS! STOP READING IF YOU WANT TO BE SURPRISED!***

*SERIOUSLY, SPOILERS.*

Highlights from the episode for me:

Gary (JAMES) and Maggie have sex the first time they meet at a breast cancer support group. Overall, it’s tame, but my blood pressure skyrocketed when James unbuttoned his jeans and dropped his pants to the floor. Butt shot? Sadly, no...this is public television in the United States. Boo. 

MASSIVE SPOILER - it turns out that characters Eddie (best friend) and Delilah (wife of our suicide victim) were having an affair. Did John know? Did it contribute to his suicide? We don’t know yet. During the Q&A after, the cast revealed that the secret will be exposed to the group very early on and will cause a huge rift. 

Maggie is hiding the fact that her cancer is back. She’s in complete denial and avoiding treatment. Q&A revealed that Maggie may have left an entire life behind somewhere else. 

John (suicide victim) may have been harboring secrets. When he jumped, he left a folder behind for his assistant. At the end of the episode, we see her open it and there is a file name. We then see her opening a file on her computer with a whole folder of materials under that name. She surreptitiously deletes everything. Covering a trail? What was John into?

From the Q&A afterwards: 

When James met with the show creator for the first time to discuss playing the part, he showed up the meeting in flip flops. James maintains that he rocks the open toed footwear and that his feet are nothing to hide. 

Show creator told the story of how the premise from the show came from when he bumped into an old friend, they made plans to get together for lunch, only to have that friend take his own life before they could meet for that lunch date. He told James that story, to which James replied, “Boy he REALLY didn’t want to have lunch with you!” Show creator said that was the moment he knew James had to play Gary.....inappropriate humor.  

The name for the show came from a cat poster

I was sitting in the front row for the whole of the Q&A. James was right there....in my face! But I didn’t have the guts to go down and ask for a picture, autograph or even to speak to him afterwards. I am a huge chicken. 

Jimmi Simpson and his fiance were at the screening. James and Jimmi hugged and laughed profusely after the show. I couldn’t help but feel that Jimmi was very proud of his friend. 

Sam Huntington was also in attendance in the audience. 

That’s all for now. Jesus, what a wall of rambling text. Congrats on muddling through. Now, go watch “A Million Little Things” this Wednesday. 

[murasaki-murasame]

The new years roulette in GBF is finally over, so here’s my final update on how that went for me.

I’m just gonna put this under a cut since it’s gonna get kinda long, lol

If I remember right about where I ended my last progress update, the next set of characters I got from the roulette on the zodiac banner were the Tsuchinoko summon, Fire Zeta, Agielba, and Grand Rackam. I’m really happy to get Rackam since he would have been like second or third place on my spark priority list for that gala roster, but at this point it’ll be hard to justify slotting him into my flame team, lol. Getting him like a day after Fire Zeta kinda hurt because of that, but oh well. I think I also got an Alexiel summon at some point around here.

Then the banner switched over to the random character weapon rate-up banner where everyone gets 200 free rolls plus Super Mukku, and oh god this was an emotional rollercoaster. Like everyone else probably did, I thought when they announced it that this would have Feather, Fiorito, and Mireille on rate-up, which was actually really tempting for me, since I feel kinda attached to Feather [his SR version was basically my main light dps for ages, and I felt bad about eventually replacing him], and when his SSR version came out I really wanted him but I only had enough for a few desperation pulls and I didn’t get him, so having another chance to get him was extremely tempting to me [even if it’s a bit awkward since I got Albert a while ago and he probably synergizes better with my current light team than Feather would].

Then we found out that nobody’s actually on rate-up on this banner and they just have the latest six non-limited SSRs from before the zodiac banner on the sparkable list, which meant that the only way I’d realistically get Feather would be by doing a discounted or entirely free spark between the 200 rolls, Super Mukku, and the crystals/tickets I had left over in my stash.

Then the banner comes around and I do my free 200 rolls, and then Super Mukku only gave me an extra 30 summons, so I needed an extra 70 regular summons to complete the spark, but I only had a little under 60 at that point.

I grinded some stuff for a while to get up to 60 summons worth of crystals and tickets, and then I spent a few hours agonizing over the choice between spending hours grinding out multiple whole side stories and a good chunk of the main story chapters I haven’t done yet, versus just buying the current surprise ticket to get the tenfold ticket from it along with the guaranteed character. And as you can maybe guess at this point, I ended up caving and getting the surprise ticket, lol.

Which I feel a little bad about, but I’ve been considering getting the anniversary ticket in a few months anyway, so I wanted to set things up to buy stuff in GBF anyway. I was also planning to spend some money on new years packs in Dragalia Lost, but literally none of them are available in my region, so I’m basically just reallocating money that I was already going to spend on gachas anyway, so it’s not a huge deal. And since it was the last ten summons I needed to finish my spark, I basically got two characters for the price of one with my surprise ticket.

So anyway here’s my list of what I got from the 200 summons and Super Mukku:

-Ayer

-Sutera

-Ghandaghoza

-Levin Sisters

-Shura

-Rosamia [I actually got her twice, lmao]

-Lancelot

-Korwa

-Dante and Freiheit

-Ladiva

-Setekh and Hector summons

-some gold moons I don’t remember

-some random new R/SRs

Then I got Fire Siegfried from my surprise ticket, Fiorito from my 70 regular summons to finish the spark, and then finally Feather himself, once and for all, with my sparks.

It kinda hurts that I didn’t actually get much from using my regular summons after the free rolls ended, but honestly I’m still happy to finally have SSR Feather for my light team. He might not be the best in the long run, but my light roster isn’t that great to begin with.

Anyway at least outside of my light roster, I feel like I’m in full on first-world-problems mode where now I have all these characters I like and not enough justification for actually investing in most of them and using them. I’m mostly feeling this really hard with my earth team right about now. I think before this whole roulette period it felt like one of my weaker rosters, but before this session I already got Yggy, Earth Sara, C-Magisa, G-Sandalphon, and Earth Eustace, and I unlocked Melleau’s 5-star uncap. So on top of all of them, I now also have Ayer, Dante, Ladiva, and Fiorito, lol. And at the moment some of my top spark targets are Mahira and Cain, and if I get the annitix it’d probably go to either C-Narmaya or Halloween VasZeta. I feel like without realizing it I’m becoming an earth main, lol.

I legit don’t even know what direction to take my earth team in, and I might have to just set up multiple ones so I can actually use all the characters I like.

At least in terms of the earth units, I’m particularly happy I got Ayer and Eustace, since they were in the category of characters who I wanted, but not enough to use a surprise ticket on. I’m not even a fan of enmity set-ups [which is why I sparked Orchid instead of Summer Zooey recently], but I kinda want to try out using Ayer, maybe along with Fiorito, especially since I have Yukata Jessica who feels specifically designed to make Ayer easier to use.

Dante’s also the sort of character who I’m glad to get for meta reasons since he seems to be really good. I dunno how I feel about him as a character yet, but he fights with his cat in battle so that automatically makes me like him, lol. I’ve also always loved Ladiva ever since I found out about her character so it’s also nice to get her.

I’m actually really happy to get Lancelot, since I’ve been wanting another water sword [or katana] unit to pair with S-Sandalphon and S-Lucio on my water team. I already have Izmir, who I could just use instead, but I like Lancelot, so now that I have him I want to use him. I know I’d be better off eventually going for the meta water staff team [I already have Lily and Pholia, and Summer Cagliostro is sitting there taunting me every month when the beginner draw ticket comes back around], but I like my water sword boi team more, lol.

I almost feel bad about getting Korwa at this point since I keep hearing that she used to be really good and has been slowly powercrept out of relevancy, and even though she’d fit onto my wind staff team I have going on, I just think the ones I’m using for it now are better than her. But that’s because I have the super meta set-up of Andira, Grimnir, and Yurius, so she was fighting a losing battle there. I do really like her design, though, and the whole concept of how her kit works.

Levin Sisters might actually be good for my light team, but I dunno if I want to use them over the likes of Feather, Sandalphon, Lucio, or Albert.

All in all I think this whole roulette period was extremely good for me. I didn’t get Catura, and I missed most of the SSR Christmas units too, but other than that I think my roster of characters is in a way better place now than what it was before.

Now I just have to try and figure out how to actually justify using most of them, and how to get the materials to upgrade them in the first place, lol.

Also, in other account progress news, the whole ongoing magnafest event has managed to get me up to around rank 110, and I recently unlocked Doctor as my first EX2 class, so now my short-term goal is to work my way toward Lumberjack. After that I might get Warlock and Chaos Ruler, but I do want Monk as well, and I want to get some EX1 classes like Mystic, but I’m still not sure how much I can progress through the co-op stages without giving in and actually doing them in co-op.

I still really want to eventually unlock Nekomancer since I think it’s really cute, but the fact that it seems like such a high-maintenance class that relies so much on it’s class champion weapon is kinda off-putting. I still want to get it for wind, though, since the male Nekomancer design has a green colour scheme, and I’m pretty much committed to the wind staff meta. Thankfully Warlock is also a staff class with a green colour scheme, which is like 90% of the reason why I want to unlock it relatively soon, lol.

Now that I’m down to basically zero summons, let’s just hope that if I can commit to saving now, I can have enough by the anniversary to do a discounted roulette there, if they do another roulette event there.