#the fact that he’s a teenager acting out in desperation and confusion and hurt and loneliness is like

[goldfades]

👒 i love angsty jack hughes

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧 | jh⁸⁶

♡ ─ word count | 668

♡ ─ warnings | angst angst ANGST! unrequited love, but thats it

♡ ─ ev's notes | oh YES WE DO. angsty jack is so underrated

For your entire life, you had been chasing after Jack. Ever since you'd been a teenager, he was a big part of your life. He could do no wrong in your eyes - and when he did, there was somehow a way to justify it because somehow, you knew he loved you.

But this was it, he had finally done it.

You scoffed and got up from the lawn chair, running back inside as you felt the lump in your throat begin to form. You had given him all the chances in the world and somehow, someway he still found a way to choose someone over you; like he always did.

"Y/N! Fuck, come back." Jack's voice echoed through the home as you walked off to the garage, to drive home. As you stormed into the garage, the weight of the situation bore down on you. The scent of gasoline and the dim light from a single hanging bulb filled the space. Your hands trembled as you fumbled with the keys to your car, struggling to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

"What's wrong?" Jack's voice sounded desperate.

You turned to face him, your eyes flashing with a mix of anger and hurt. "What's wrong? How could you." You spoke bitterly.

Jack's expression shifted between confusion and remorse, his eyes searching yours for some semblance of understanding. "Y/N, please. Just tell me what I did wrong. I can fix it."

The lump in your throat grew as you tried to contain the emotions bubbling within you. "You chose her. You chose her again, over me."

"What do you mean?" Jack watched and you could see the guilt in his eyes. He knows, he's just acting stupid.

"Open your fucking eyes, Jack!" Your shout echoed throughout the garage, your frustration evident. Jack looked taken aback as he gazed back at you. "I've been waiting for you since... I don't even remember. I chose you every single time and you chose everyone except me. And you knew. You knew I loved you and took full advantage of the fact that I'd do anything for you. and I knew that, I just kept at it hoping that one day you'd finally choose me back."

Jack's face contorted with realization. "Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't think it would end up like this."

A bitter laugh escaped you. "You never meant to hurt me? Do you even hear yourself, Jack? You've been hurting me for years, and I've been fooling myself into thinking you'd change."

He took a hesitant step closer, his desperation palpable. "I care about you, more than you know. It's just complicated."

"How is choosing me complicated?" Your voice sounded soft, hurt evident in your tone. Jack didn't know what to say, how to fix this situation - but the truth was, he couldn't. Tears threatened to spill over, but you refused to let them. You had shed enough tears over Jack, wasted enough time hoping for a love that would never be reciprocated.

Jack's gaze softened, a flicker of hurt crossing his features. "I know I've made mistakes," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped loving you."

With a heavy heart, you took a step back, creating a chasm between you and the man who had once been the center of your world. "I can't do this anymore, Jack," you whispered, the words a final plea for understanding.

He reached out, his hand trembling as if searching for something to hold onto. "Please, don't leave," he begged, his voice cracking with desperation. The silence stretched between you, heavy with emotion. Jack's eyes brimmed with remorse, his expression a mirror of the regret etched into your own heart.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, the words a desperate plea for forgiveness. But forgiveness wasn't something you could give lightly, not when the wounds ran so deep.

He'd lost the realest thing he'd ever had.

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[artemismoorea03]

Jim Gordon had seen a lot of things in all his years as both an officer and Commissioner but for the most part things stayed at an arms length or he was able to easily separate himself from situations. Of course, there were incidents that were a bit harder to seperate from like Barbara becoming paralyzed due to Joker, all the times he or Barabara nearly died, kidnappings, and watching friends and loved ones either die or go down a dark path, but for the most part his life wasn't too crazy.

At least that was until one summer that all changed rather dramatically. In the form of a redhaired teenager showing up at his police station. She was around 17 and was wearing teal pants, a black shirt and a teal headband. But no matter her age or what she was wearing it didn't change the fact that she looked like Barabra had when she was younger.

That mixed with the fact that she specifically asked to see 'Jim Gordon' was something that made all of the Gotham PD point her in his direction. Once they were face to face the girl let out a shaky breath.

"My name is Jasmine Fenton, I'm your second cousin and I need your help protecting my brother from my parents and Batman."

Jim was shocked, blinking confusion away as he held up his hand. "Wait wait. You're my-"

"Second cousin. My mother is Madeline Walker."

Maddie. He knew Maddie though he had only met her a couple of times. Her mom and his dad were siblings. That explained why Jasmine looked so much like Barbara at least.

"Maddie... right, I remember Maddie. Okay, so why does your brother need protection? Specifically from your parents and Batman?"

Jasmine played with her hands. "My... my brother is different, Commissioner Gordon and my parents found out. They hurt him... badly. So we came here because you're the only one who might be able to help us but if Batman finds out we're here then Danny could get hurt again. B-but my parents and the government are wrong out him! H-he's not evil, he's a hero. H-he's a hero but because of what he is... he's labled as evil..."

Jim frowned, "Okay... is your brother a meta?"

Jasmine shook her head. "No."

Damn. Meta protection act wouldnt help here.

"Alright... is your brother with you?"

Jasmine sniffled then nodded. "He's in the car sleeping."

Jim stood up, grabbing his jacket off of the coat hanger. "Take me to him, please."

"You won't hurt him?"

"You have my word."

Jasmine looked at him, her teal eyes filled with more exhaustion and anxiety than any childs should be. Then, she let out a shaky breath and lead him out of the room.

They walked through the police station before Jasmine lead him out to the parking lot to the furthest corner of it where a beat up red station wagon was parked alone. Jasmine then gestured to the back window as Jim looked in.

The seats had been laid down and blankets laid out in a makeshift bed where a teenager around 14 or 15 laid sleeping on it. The teenager had healing bruises on his face and arms as well as a multitude of bandages that Jim could see peeking over the blanket, specifically on his chest. What had Jim the most concerened though was how pale the boy was and how weak his breathing seemed.

Any doubts Jim might have had immediately flew out the window. It no longer mattered who these two kids were they were kids in trouble.

"Why didn't you take him to the hosptial?" Jim asked, looking at Jasmine who looked ready to cry.

"Because if the Government finds out where he is they'll take him away and kill him. What he is isnt supposed to exist and is listed as 'dangerous'." She sniffled.

Jim frowned. The goverment couldn't know yet they took the risk to come to him? They must have been desperate.

"Okay, let me see your keys. I'll take you kids to my place to hide then call my daughter."

"Y-your daughter?" Jasmine asked, handing the keys over regardless.

"Yeah. She's good with these kinds of things and if she can't help I might know somebody else who can." Jim explained, climbing into the drivers seat as Jasmine ran to the other side.

"T-they won't turn us in, right?"

"No, they wont. My daughter is a librarian and my friend is a butler, they know how to keep secrets." He promised, pulling away from the police station in the direction of his house.

He could only hope that he would be able to help these two kids, and that whatever fear they had of the Batman wouldn't end up being justified fears.

[zairas-realm-gateway]

Ooooh my god, I'm on season 9 of my SPN rewatch (about halfway through) and something finally makes sense to me this time around.

Sam is going through his teenage rebellion phase!

You're probably thinking "but Zaira, he already had that when he was an actual teenager"!

Yes but that was rebelling against his biological father. But now he's finally able to rebel against his actual parent.

And why is this? Because the trials catapulted them both back into their parent-child relationship. Because from the second that Dean picks up on the fact that the trials are making Sam sick, Dean slides into parent mode. He starts to make decisions pre-emptively to keep Sam safe and relaxed when a caretaker!sibling would ask if the injured sibling would ask if they're good to keep working. He prepares and brings food/drink to Sam repeatedly when a sibling would ask if the injured sibling wants something to eat or drink. At this point, sibling!Dean has gone dormant and parentified!Dean has reawakened.

Because Dean has reverted to this programming, he has reverted to the desperate need to do anything to keep his child alive, even if the child hates him. A mindset that parents are trapped in.

The first sibling thought that Dean has had is to leave to give them both distance to recover and give Sam space.

Where Dean is acting like a parent, Sam is acting like his child.

It is completely reasonable for Sam to be upset over how Dean saved him and to keep making decisions for him. But it's how he's going about being angry at Dean is rather childlike or teenager like. Not childish, but childlike.

He's moody and hurt when Dean leaves even though Dean explains it to give Sam space. A few episodes later, they're working on a case and Dean tries to do it by himself so Sam can be comfortable but Sam gets upset at Dean for abandoning him. Dean finally caves and admits he wants to be near Sam. Sam says he wants that but also states that they're not brothers anymore right now.

This setup is why I'm saying that Sam is acting a bit in a childlike manner. Because even though he's rebelling against Dean and pushing away him away (which is reasonable) but also needs Dean to be near him (abused children can have a confusing, clingy relationship with their parent even if fighting). Sam wants him close (physical proximity and possibly emotionally) but also keeps throwing up barriers that Dean doesn't know how to navigate.

He wants Dean to talk honestly with him (which Dean tries to be) nd see reason but then when Sam explains himself he's still being vague in his answers. Saying things that are honest but also worded in a way that will purposely cut at Dean's soul. When if Sam added more detail to responses, Dean would still be hurt but understand more clearly. Dean has a lot of insecurities and anxieties, he has an incredibly brittle core, he needs deeper details in order to get an actual picture of what Sam is feeling.

Like when they're in the kitchen, Dean tells Sam that he'd do anything to get Sam out of a coma. He says that Sam would do the same. Sam's like "no, I wouldn't." Dean is visibly injured by these words as Sam leaves. This answer feels petty and childish because he obviously wants to injure Dean, to lash out in retaliation.

A more mature way (which sam usually is) of saying this , is to explain why he would let Dean pass away. He could have said something like "because you deserve to rest", "Because it's cruel to force you to keep going", "Because you've already done so much for everyone", etc. Anything to explain why he would let it happen so that Dean isn't left feeling gutted.

What I'm trying to say is that this season, both Sam and Dean are emotionally injured. That injury has regressed them to the default setting John programmed them to be: Parent and Child.

This programming makes it nearly impossible for them to find their footing as equal brothers because they're instinctively finding themselves in the power-imbalance of a parent-child relationship.

So, again, John fucked their lives.

[chdarling]

People are still hating on Graham?? But what about the FACTS? what are his CRIMES??

Graham's over here just

starting up secret muggleborn clubs to provide safe spaces for students like him at Hogwarts

recruiting Lily to said secret society at a serendipitous time when she desperately needs support/a distraction from Flormes

dancing to ABBA when he doesn't want to because Lily asked

Providing string-free physical comfort on demand

keeping her confusing fake relationship with Sirius a secret

doing his best to be open-minded to the purebloods she invites to muggleborn club and friendly to the pureblood with whom she's been flaunting a fake relationship--a relationship that started, like, ten seconds after she buttoned up her blouse and left him a half-naked dirty little secret in the Room of Requirement

following Lily's lead and keeping their situation casual despite clearly catching feelings himself

sending flowers after Lily's dad dies

getting ghosted, with no real explanation, until he approaches her to clarify their status

not pushing the issue when Lily wants to remove the benefits from their friendship

supporting Lily's protest idea and agreeing to be its face and voice, despite the target it will no doubt put on his back

only telling one person about their trysts, once he starts Feeling Some Kind of Way and justifiably needs to vent because he's a human boy with a heart, and he tried to cry on his own shoulder but it gave him a crick and his shirt got soggy

having open and honest conversations about his feelings with Lily and explaining how Lily's actions affected him and why it's not okay with him

Did he handle everything perfectly along the way? Of course not. He's a teenage boy with hurt feelings and a bruised ego, and also then we'd hate him for being too perfect. Is he a Level Ten scumsucker because he fell a little harder than planned for Lily, or because he called Lily out on some unintended consequences of her actions? Hardly.

If you took all the above and find-and-replaced "Graham" with "James" I feel like there'd be far less uproar over these allegedly unforgivable and egregious acts.

Sincerely,

Mabel

(please don't kill Graham) (I mean do what you want, it's your story) (but he's a good Graham, is all I'm saying)

Bless you, Mabel 😂😂❤️❤️❤️

[mikuni14]

Dead Friend Forever - Ep 7

This episode of DFF is also excellent and I feel so blessed to have experienced two series with such well-written scripts this week (the other being Love for Love's Sake, of course) 💖

Everything in DFF is clear, logical and understandable when we take into account that the characters of this series are 1) humans 2) teenagers. I completely understand the behavior of each of these characters, even when I feel like tearing my hair out or throwing punches and kicks at them. If anyone is wondering whether what Non, his teacher, his bullies, is doing is illogical, I encourage you to study police reports - I have literally read about situations such as those in DFF.

Phee: what a solid guy 😍 As soon as he appears, we see him as a perfect boyfriend, romantic, strong, who gets things done. I like his attitude, the fact that no matter what, how, he gets shit done, even if he has to use his own father and his position to do it. I understand his controlling nature when you have a boyfriend like Non (Phee is in love, but he's not stupid and naive), I also understand that he doesn't fully trust Non. I completely understand his behavior at the end, especially when he entered the scene with Non and the teacher hugging. I also understand cruel words. Should Phee have acted differently? Of course. But he COULD NOT. Because he would have to be made of stone and be a hardened adult with perfect self-control and nerves of steel. Phee, despite how smart and talented he is, is only human and is still a child who doesn't have to be able to regulate his emotions, control his feelings of hurt, betrayal and rejection, and doesn't have to be able to cope ALWAYS and in every situation. Perhaps when Phee calms down, he will want to explain the situation, or at least apologize for his words. Who knows. Anyway, he's great as a character, my fav.

Non: in his being pathetic, in refusing Phee's help, in trying to save his situation by sinking deeper and deeper, in trusting the wrong people, in "allowing" bullying, in seeking validation of his self-worth where he shouldn't be, he is 100% real. Non irritates and that's how it should be. Because victims are often irritating and often confusing in their behavior. And how often questions are asked: but he/she agreed to it, no one forced her/him, he/she went there herself, they did it of their own free will! Why didn't he/she tell anyone, why didn't they confess? And here we can also ask why Non is doing all this, why won't he confess to Phee, why won't he transfer to another school, why is he having sex with the teacher? For me, Non is a victim of the system, his illness, his family, his school, and maybe also his personality. I also wondered why he didn't want to change schools and just leave it all behind, usually students who are victims of bullying dream of changing schools. But I think, looking at his conversation with Phee, that Non wanted to regain control over his life, wanted to solve his problems himself, perhaps feeling like a weakling and a loser seeing how easily Phee solved his problems. Perhaps he felt that control over his life was slipping from his fingers and he desperately tried to regain it by closing open issues, such as his debt and the movie. Does his behavior make sense to me? No. But I've never been in such a situation, I'm trying to understand it and this explanation seems quite logical to me. Especially since Non tries hard and finally wants to give up at least the movie, while staying at the summer house, and is stopped by Jin. And he tries to get the money back by sleeping with his teacher, because in his mind THIS is not bad, THIS is just a way to solve the debt problem. And for him, a poor person, the problem of money may be more important than having sex with a teacher. Sex with the teacher itself doesn't have to be such a big problem for him, especially since the teacher is young, handsome, helpful, nice and shows compassion and attention. For a person like Non, it may even be flattering and he may even convince himself that nothing bad is happening, it's just sex, physical stuff, he gets something out of it that solves his money problem and the teacher is so nice! I can imagine how Non can manipulate himself in this situation and how easy a victim of grooming and manipulation he is for the teacher. And I must say that the series shows PERFECTLY how adults prey on children and teenagers, technically the adult does not force Non to do anything, he just sets up a very complicated trap in which Non cannot say "no". This series really doesn't fuck around, it just shows the TRUTH. Just to be clear: Non is the SA victim in this situation, PERIOD. I do not accept any accusations against him.

Jin: I don't know ultimately whether it was Jin who released this video, but if he did it, I understand that too, his behavior seems logical to me. People do all kinds of stupid and hurtful things under the influence of feelings of betrayal and hurt (even if Jin had no right to these feelings), especially young people (here is the same situation as with Phee, which I described above). Jin may feel betrayed, because he "did so much for Non", he always defended him. Jin also honestly has a crush on Non and found him not with a boy on a date (Jin didn't have any strong reaction to seeing Non hugged by another boy), but having sex with an adult and with a teacher to that. It's a lot to digest, and clearly Jin couldn't handle it at all (if I'm not mistaken, he was also drinking, which certainly didn't help).

All these shitty little pricks: Fluke, as always, avoids trouble and simply removes himself from situations, never comments, never takes sides (meaning - he takes sides with the bullies). I wonder how Jin always looks at him when he's looking for allies to help Non and how Fluke never reacts. Por, with his increasingly worse behavior, also fits the mold of a classic bully who has found a victim, in addition, someone he truly hates, and whom he can torment without consequences, and it's quite possible that he simply likes it. All this is a dangerous mix, pushing Non to his limits, encouraging other bullies, but also very realistic. Tee and Top are up to something and it scares me. All I know is that this money will be stolen and Non will have to get it again...

I am very impressed with this series, how well it's done, how realistic and logical it is. I'm incredibly intrigued and curious and I'm looking forward to the next episode. I rate the story building, script and character cohesion as 10.

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer chapter 52 // spoilers

this was a chapter dedicated for the one we had to leave behind. fumi came full of love to show us how mitsumi grew with so much love and care, with someone who would be there for her no matter what.

different from what we thought previously, fumi gave us the beauty and delicacy that she has to offer. where we though was jealously was, in fact, an undeniable love and appreciation that she would carry with her all her life. not only that but we had a beautiful finalization for maharu’s arc. as i suspected before, there’s a lot going on inside maharu’s mind, which is extremely normal for someone her age. while she open up to fumi, she doesn’t even have a proper reason on why she wants to go to tokyo — is purely a scream for attention.

maharu wants tokyo because she thinks tokyo is the answer to being an adult and also the answer for her parent’s attention. when we compare her reactions here with chapter 51, it gets even clearer how she’s begging for everyone to see her and ti listen to what she needs. and she’s not wrong for feeling like that, as fumi herself stated. she’s feeling alone and she miss mitsumi a lot, which just shows how much she adores her sister and how much she wishes she could be a little bit like her.

fumi was the perfect person to talk to maharu, because she’s the only one who actually KNOWS how maharu is feeling, since she felt it too. fumi blown out at mitsumi because she wanted her friends attention, wanted that mitsumi to know how hurt she was.

and, if we do the math, maharu is closely the same age as fumi and mitsumi were when they had their first “fight”. both girls saw mitsumi as this bright, incredible human who was seeking for something even bigger than they could offer and so they begged for her attention.

it’s normal, it’s something teenagers constantly feel: the need for attention and for someone who hear them and show them that yes, they are right for feeling like that, is extremely important and essential for a adolescent. and that was fumi for maharu, and maharu for fumi.

the beauty of it all, for me, is how fumi opens up this whole bitter moment of her life just to be surprised by mitsumi’s love later — mitsumi have new friends from tokyo and she loves them, but her best friend will forever be fumi, doesn’t matter what.

and why not give fumi another little confused teenager for her to have a little chat?

there’s a little big thing that happens in shima’s talk with fumi that really needs to be highlighted: when shima talks about how mitsumi’s sees HIS feelings, fumi gets confused. and i understand her!! can you imagine if a boy came to talk to you and say that your best friend doesn’t think he loves her “like that”, when in reality, not even himself knows it?

when fumi says “it’s your feelings were talking about”, makes it even more obvious to me how shima doesn’t know how he’s really feeling and how to deal with all these new emotions inside his heart. it’s not that he likes her or not: he doesn’t UNDERSTAND what this feeling means. that’s EXACTLY why he always says “mitsumi thinks i don’t like her like that”, AND NOT “I don’t like her like that”. when he puts his feelings on someone else’s hands, it just shows how he always had someone dictating how he had to feel rather than he himself dealing with it.

i do believe that put a big question mark on his head, such as ��what did she (fumi) mean by that?”. after all, fumi was the first one to say “YOUR feelings”, the first one to point it out to his face rather than just think to themselves.

aside from all of that, the chapter itself is delightful. it’s a chapter that screams summer break and it just shows how much this kids love each other and how they desperately want to know more about mitsumi (look how the girls ran to fumi!!!!!!!!).

i just love to see all of them having fun and enjoying their youth the way they deserve. now they don’t have to fake personalities, hide their bodies or act cold towards anyone. they found their safe place, and my heart is at peace

a little more on shima and his feelings:

if you read one of my shima character study, you'll remember when i said the following:

what does it mean to love someone romantically when he never once felt jealous? what does it mean to care so much for someone when he was never cared to? what does it mean to give up of someone you love so dearly if he can’t even let it all go? how does one stop making excuses?

i keep thinking about this and thinking about chapter 52 and how devastating it is for a 16 yo boy who has absolute no idea whatsoever about his own feelings and how navigate thought them because he was denied his autonomy for years and years.

if we think about it, much like any other child stars, shima never had a chance to have a normal and healthy childhood. when kids his age were playing, making friends and scratching their knees, he was bearing his mother’s trauma, committing huge mistakes which would lead to one of his best friends to almost lose her career, having to keep his family life in check and having thousands of people saying how he should act, feel and behave. because of that, it’s no surprise that he would act the way he did when he started middle school.

when someone inflicted their feelings on him, he doesn’t know how to deny them, since he was always the one to accept and bear other’s emotions. he never had someone asking “but how do YOU feel?” or “but do YOU like me?”. it was always someone blaming him for it all.

chris was the only friend (before fumi) who tried to talk to him about it all and to show how much he needed to connect with himself (ririka did try, even tho people want to deny it, but she’s also extremely hurt and traumatized, ofc it will be abruptly). but it’s easier said than done. even tho he’s trying to leave his past behind, he’s still saying “she think i feel like this” — and that’s not mitsumi’s fault AT ALL. she’s just a girl who wants to be loved and wants her friend to be true to his feelings.

what she experienced with him when they both were dating told her something that maybe wasn’t what shima was trying to say, but it happened. she’s just trying to cary the world on her back, which is causing him a lot of damage.

shima is someone who still needs a LOT of patience from us and a lot of time. someone who was abused all his life won’t change in a blink of an eye. what i’m extremely thankful, tho, is that now he’s surrounded by people who love him deeply.

💛 thank you for reading it!!!

[pridepages]

eARC Review: Darkhearts

A HUGE thank you to Netgalley and Wednesday Books for providing me an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

GOODREADS SYNOPSIS:  When David quit his band, he missed his shot at fame. For the past two years, he’s been trapped in an ordinary Seattle high school life, working summers for his dad’s construction business while his former best friends Chance and Eli became the hottest teen pop act in America. Then Eli dies. Suddenly David and Chance are thrown back into contact, forcing David to rediscover all the little things that once made the two of them so close, even as he continues to despise the singer’s posturing and attention-hogging. As old wounds break open, an unexpected kiss leads the boys to trade frenemy status for a confusing, tentative romance—one Chance is desperate to keep out of the spotlight. Though hurt by Chance’s refusal to acknowledge him publicly, David decides their new relationship presents a perfect opportunity for him to rejoin the band and claim the celebrity he's been denied. But Chance is all too familiar with people trying to use him. As the mixture of business and pleasure becomes a powder keg, David will have to choose: Is this his second chance at glory? Or his second chance at Chance?

RELEASE DATE: 6/6/2023

See my full review under the cut!

Sutter’s latest novel Darkhearts is a strong, bittersweet work about grief and regret. 

This book is difficult to classify. While it has some elements of a romcom (friends-to-rivals-to-lovers, secretly dating, finding yourself, etc.), it doesn't actually read like one. The romance between narrator David and his love interest Chance is the main plot, but arguably the story is really about how David has been stuck in the past and needs to find a way to move forward. If I had to register a critique, it would be the fact that band member and friend Eli's death wasn't handled in a way that served the narrative or the readers. 

This is the event that kicks off the plot and brings Chance and David back together. Narratively, we are set up to expect it will be tied to the emotional development of both characters. Maybe it will help them learn to let go of old grudges because life is too short? Maybe it will cast doubt on how they used to see each other or the wider world? Maybe something else, but (pardon the expression) you can’t raise a ghost like that and then just expect it to...fade away.

But that’s exactly what happens. By the midway point of the book, Chance's feelings of guilt are "resolved" for narrative purposes...Or maybe they just get forgotten? Either way, the fact that this event just falls away is troubling.

It’s particularly insensitive considering that Eli’s death is a tragedy related to substance abuse. This is an incredibly serious topic, one that affects many young people, particularly young queer people. Chance--who lived in the bubble of teenage stardom side-by-side with Eli--is no doubt traumatized by the loss of the person who understood him best in the world. But somewhere along the line, David and Chance have maybe one honest, vulnerable conversation about it...and then they never speak of it again!

The only thing I can think of is that maybe this is meant to be another sign of David’s selfishness. He’s the narrator, and by the end he realizes that he’s been ignoring the emotional needs of his friends and family to feed his own resentment. But wouldn’t Eli’s death be a trauma for David too? After all, he perceives Eli as having left him behind for fame just as much as Chance did. Knowing David as a character, I find it hard to believe he wouldn’t obsess over the fact that he’s not ever going to get some kind of closure with Eli.

As always, there’s also the Big Question of all queer self discovery stories: to come out or not to come out? I understand that not every teenager is in a position to come out before becoming an independent adult. I also recognize that in real life celebrities often choose to live in the closet because homophobia has real consequences that could put them and their dreams in danger.

Still! I hate reading stories like that. I live and breathe homophobia every day of my life. I don’t want to escape in a book and see queer people having to settle for a half life of stifled unhappiness, resigned to reality because that’s just the way life is. Why do we write fiction if not to bring back some measure of power to our lives with our voices?

So I also thought I would leave unsatisfied by the 'resolution' about the choice to come out or not. 

Until those last couple of lines...

Well, let's just say I liked it better than I thought I would.

I'd recommend this book to fans of YA, coming-of-age novels, and bittersweet romances.

[jjmorelikeotp]

This is so important. Also hate to say it but the r4pe scene was NOT out of character for Spike even if people act like it because they like their version/perception of the character more than the presented one.

Spike DOES have a tendency to become very violent when he feels vulnerable/ashamed/confused and whatever, and he does not accept boundaries. That is one of his character traits from the very beginning, that is why he was introduced as a villain. He built a sex robot of a woman because she showed no interest in him.

The only reason why spuffy even happened is because he became a fan favourite & because his actor is indeed very charming and charismatic. They have chemistry. That is not the point. He is not a victim. He is an animalistic monster with the ability to sometimes self reflect.

That scene is also the only reason why he was pushed enough to get his soul back which they needed for the plot. I read somewhere that the writers said people were forgetting that he was an evil character/villain after all, only because of his fixation for buffy.

But let's not forget that as soon as he thought the chip wasn't working, he was so desperate, and that is another emotion that is making him VERY violent, he tried to immediately hurt a woman. He was ready to KILL buffy with a GUN after she told him he was beneath her. Which she did because he told her what HE DID.

He did very often not even care about anyone but buffy and that was more out of obsession than love, so let's not glorify that.

I also hate the way the first conversation of Buffy & Spike in S7 is so nonchalant. Yeah, the man has his soul back and kinda tries to protect people by making them stay away from him, and yes, he is completely right, apologies could NEVER make up for what he did.

But he is NOT. A victim. He is a man who took some responsibility and needs to keep doing so.

I also hate how they made it look like he only got his soul back for her. Which, to be fair, fits the character as I described earlier. But if it wasn't Buffy, he probably wouldn't have cared.

The weights his actions on how she reacts, and that is VERY dangerous especially in context of his obsessive behavior. He did her wrong, yes, but he also did WRONG in general. If he has enough in him without a soul that he realizes what he did to buffy was disgusting, he should be able to do so in context of others as well, and he didn't. He only stops hurting people in his personal space, heck, he literally TURNED ON HIS OWN KIND just because he could not hurt humans anymore. I know that's kind of a "making him the good guy" by the show's creators but it literally IS NOT. We've seen that not all demons are bad. But Spike never cared about that, he just goes where convenience takes him.

The abuse apologism in shows like this in general are soooo dangerous because YES, pop culture shapes generations and this is what subconciously can do a huge damage to teenage audiences. Many people did not like Riley because he was "too boring" - in what way? Yes, he had his issues with buffy, but he didn't beat her up or tried to kill her. The relationship had simply not enough edges compared to the other ones buffy had, but it was a safe one.

Everyone always acts like Buffy just didn't let herself loose with Spike in season 6, I myself did some analysis but we HAVE to talk about the fact that she had every reason to keep her distance. That man killed thousands of people, two of her in her previous lives, even. He always had a spontaneous cruelty in him. And that should not be described as poetic but as what it is. Dangerous. Predatory. Not in a good way.

e https://impalementation.tumblr.com/post/188475654600/if-youre-still-taking-asks-you-mentioned-you-had hi, if you mind reading i link this to you

Okay, so I'm finally responding to this ask lol. Sorry for the wait.

I understand what this person is saying and I'm not going to go into every point because that's their interpretation. There's nothing to be discussed in how someone chooses to see symbolism because that's abstract and subjective.

What I am going to address is this:

"the point of seeing red is that buffy is capable of growing past that instability, is capable of saying no and meaning it"

Buffy had already been saying no before Seeing Red. She had been saying "no" from the beginning but even if we want to argue that the consent was left "ambiguous" in most of their encounters, Buffy had already reached that moment in her arc that OP mentions before Seeing Red. Buffy ends her "relationship" with spike several episodes earlier in As You Were.

Spike was the one who, as usually, wouldn't quit, wouldn't leave her alove. He insisted with her and bitched about it in the subsequent episodes, he even hooks up with Anya after she's left at the altar by Xander in a very deliberate "rebound" move from both of them where they're both kinda like "fuck our exes". So yeah I think he understood what Buffy meant and, most importantly, Buffy had already moved past that "uncertainity" and instability phase, she was making her decisions and sticking with them. It was Spike the one who couldn't/wouldn't accept what she decided. Who would follow her around and try to pressure her into budging, trying to make her doubt herself again. He was the one who pushed the situation to get to the point it got in Seeing Red, it had already ended as far as Buffy was concerned.

"with that in mind, i see buffy loving spike by the last episode actually as a matter of her loving herself [...] i see buffy’s advocacy re: spike throughout s7 as a direct, deliberate reversal of how she treated him in s6. just as she was determined to see him (read: herself) as a thing in s6, she is determined to see spike in s7 as deserving of forgiveness, as not a thing."

Like I said, I won't discuss whether this person is right or wrong for seeing spike as "the id" of the show (I think you could argue that for all vampires in the show, spike is just the one who stays the longest but his behaviour is not any different from any other soulless vampire when it comes to the common traits usually pointed out but anyway). So yeah I won't discuss whether that's right or wrong because that's their interpretation.

Because of that, I can understand why someone who sees Spike as the representation of Buffy's repressed id (something that could also be argued about Faith, which to me holds a bit more water since she's also a slayer) would say that her treatment of Spike in S6 and S7 mirrors how she sees herself. I can understand why someone would think that if that's how they see Spike's role in the show.

The issue with this interpretation and the subsequent defense of S7 is that it engages in abuse apologism because of the way that it whitewashes Spike's actions to merely being a reflection of Buffy's feelings. Similarly to the point made about the ambiguous consent of their relationship earlier, it places a responsibility on Buffy's shoulders for failings that are entirely Spike's. Buffy being depressed and feeling shitty about herself does not grant permission for another person (monster or not) to abuse her. It does not give permission for another person to take advantage of her vulnerable state. And that is true to any person, whether they're a superhero like Buffy or not. Someone being in a really low point of their life, struggling with their self-worth is not an open invitation for others to take advantage and it's not their fault if someone does it.

I understand that Buffy might have felt like she needed to forgive herself for how she acted in S6 but the truth is that she didn't do anything wrong. By choosing this line of defense of how S7 handled the lack of acknowledgement of the abuse in S6, you're implying that Buffy did something wrong that she needed to forgive herself for. And she didn't. Buffy could have an arc about "forgiving herself" without the show brushing off what happened, without leaving what happened between them in this ambiguous place where no one was at fault and because of that implying that both of them were. Because they weren't equally at fault. Even worse, this interpretation heavily suggests that what happened was actually entirely Buffy's fault - if only she wasn't so repressed, if only she was more at peace with her id, she wouldn't have fallen in a self-destructive path that would lead to "monsters" like Spike, who just don't know any better, taking advantage of her and hurting her.