#the fact she literally says in her pov how she made herself react in a type of way so eris would think she liked dancing with him

[nestastits]

Everytime someone tells me about the “chemistry” in the neris dance scene I side eye. Like your “fav girl” Nesta was faking how she felt/how she acted while dancing with eris so Rhys’s plan would work and she managed to gaslight 70% of her fans along with eris 💀

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 9

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader

warnings: angst, mentions of pregnancy, not edited word count: 2.1k authors note: i am back with a little less brain!! (literally) it took me a bit to start writing again cause I had some slowness on my right side so I wasn't quite up to writing. BUT i hope you guys like p9 and thank you so much for the continuous love on this story <3 the first bit is marlee's POV and after the * it's back to readers pov. hope u all like & pls lmk what you think <3

masterlist masterpost ask box

MARLEE

Marlee Jones loved her job. It was something she took pride in; helping bring new lives into the world and being there for all the mamas. Of course there were always the hard days, the days that made her hug Stella a little tighter when she got home from a shift. Her job had its ups and downs, but at the end of the day, she wouldn’t want to do anything else. 

So, her panic is warranted when she comes across a certain patient file. She wasn’t looking for it, but when her eyes caught the name and there weren’t any other people nearby, she couldn’t help herself. It’s against HIPAA, and if anybody found out, she would be fired without question but she slipped the file in between a couple others and walked to a random supply closet. She closed and locked the door behind her before pulling the file out and opening it. Her eyes quickly scanned the pages, the words Hysterical Pregnancy making her heart race. She had to double check the name on the file twice, before believing it. 

She knew that someone would notice the missing file, so she quickly found a printer and copied the pages, tucking them in her tote bag and putting the file exactly where it was. 

Nobody would know.

*

Your first instinct is to calm Marlee down. Her panicking is making you panic and at least one of you needs to keep a straight head. You’re trying to let her words sink in without letting your mind go down a rabbit hole. You need to see all the facts before letting yourself do that.

“Marlee,” you reach out to grab her shaking hands. “What happened?”

She looks up at you and takes a deep breath. “I can’t- I can’t tell you the details but she’s not pregnant. She lied, and it’s already caused so much damage between you, and Mat and Liana… and Nora.” She pulls her hands away from yours and buries her face in them.

You decide not to remind her that Mat already fucked things up before Calista dropped the baby bomb on him because she knows that. Focus on one disaster at a time. 

Calista lied about being pregnant. Mat doesn’t know this, and even if you try to tell him, you have no idea how he’ll react. Really, it’s none of your business and you can very well go on with your life because Mat has let you know loud and clear what his feelings are. He wants Calista in his life despite you not wanting her in Nora’s life. He technically has no rights, no say in what happens but when he first found out about her and asked to be in her life, you’d so desperately wanted to let him. 

“How long can she pull off this lie until he finds out the truth?” you ask quietly and she lifts her head from her hands.

“Depends,” she mumbles.

“On what?”

“How deep she has him pulled into her fantasy.”

. . .

You let Nora spend a little more time with Stella, mainly wanting her to burn as much energy from the sugar high she’s on from the ice-cream. She’s sleepy when you buckle her in her carseat and you’re pretty sure she’s asleep but she mumbles something and you look to see her looking at you with droopy eyes.

“What was that?” you ask softly.

She looks down, avoiding eye contact with you which is worrisome. 

“Do you think Mat would want to see me?” she whispers. “Without her?”

She obviously doesn’t need to clarify who she's referring to and it breaks your heart that a six-year-old has to worry about things like this. 

“I can ask,” you tell her, unsure why she wants to see him suddenly. “You don’t have to go see Mat if you don’t want to, baby.”

By now, you’re pulling into your driveway so you can turn the jeep off and turn to give her your full attention. She still won’t look at you so you reach out and tap on her leg until she looks up. 

“I want to,” she says but doesn’t elaborate so you don’t push. 

“Okay, I’ll call him tomorrow.”

She just nods and starts to unbuckle her seatbelt so you get out and help her. She doesn’t complain when you carry her inside, helping her change into pajamas and brush her teeth. When she asks if she can watch a movie before bed, you don’t have the heart to deny her, even though it’s close to her bedtime so you set her up on the couch and put her favorite movie on. She’ll be out like a light in less than twenty minutes so while you’re waiting, you grab your phone and pull up Mat’s contact. Your finger hovers over the call option but you’re not sure you want to talk to him over the phone so you go into your text messages instead. The last messages between the two of you were when you last met up and even then they were short and to the point which makes this text easily simple.

To Mat: Nora wants to see you.

You lay your phone on the counter and get a glass of water while waiting for his response. You’re unnecessarily nervous, mainly because you are expecting him to start an argument the moment you tell him that Nora doesn’t want Calista to be there. You don’t even feel comfortable letting Mat see her because of what he said, but you can’t turn her request down. Not when she was so adamant about not wanting to see him, and out of the blue deciding that she does. 

When you check on Nora while waiting for a response, she’s asleep so you pick her up and carry her to bed. You spend a minute just watching her after you’ve tucked her in. You’re desperate to see what’s going on in that little head of hers.

Just as you walk back to the kitchen, your phone buzzes and you freeze. Maybe messaging Mat tonight was a bad idea, and you should’ve just waited until tomorrow. It’s too late now though so you walk over and look to see Mat’s name and an unread message. 

From Mat: ok

From Mat: when?

It bothers you, how nonchalant he’s acting after everything that’s happened. This is about Nora though, so you take a breath and try to decide on a date.

To Mat: Sunday?

From Mat: ok

You want to scream at him and take back the offer but remind yourself again that Nora explicitly asked to see him and it’s her decision to make. 

So, you set up a place and time and tell him that she doesn’t want to see Calista. You expect him to argue, but he responds with another simple ok, and that’s that. 

. . .

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Marlee asks, crossing her arms and glaring at Mat who’s sitting on a bench at the park you agreed to meet at. The two of you are standing outside her jeep, stalling a little before going over there. 

Nora asked if Stella could come to the park too and Marlee was pulling out of her driveway before you could finish asking. You’re a little worried that she’s going to yell at Mat, but you figure with the kids there, she will contain herself unless he says something out of line.

“Nora asked to see him,” you remind her but she just grumbles something under her breath. 

You’re ready to get this over with so you open the door and let Nora and Stella climb out of the jeep. Normally, they would race to the playground but Nora is hesitating, glancing over to where Mat is. He hasn’t noticed that you’re here yet which is good, because you are about five seconds away from just putting the kids back in and driving away. 

Nora sighs quietly before walking over to Mat. You and Marlee hang back a little but Stella grabs her hand and sticks close to her. 

When Mat sees her, his face lights up and for a second, you want to forgive him so everything can go back to how it was before. You can’t though, not when what he said is still so fresh and not when you know about Calista’s lies.

“Hey peanut,” he says softly, staying seated while Nora stands in front of him, looking down and scuffing her shoe on the gravel. He looks at you when she doesn’t say anything but you just shrug even though you’re confused. You’re about to ask Nora if she wants to just go to the playground when she breaks her silence.

“Are you not my daddy?” she asks quietly and it takes you off guard. You had this conversation with her, assuring her that Calista was lying but she must want to hear it from Mat.

“What?” he asks, looking at you before turning his attention back to her.

“Calista told me that you’re not my daddy,” she says more firmly, finally looking up at him. Her arms are crossed and she’s glaring at him. You’d be impressed if you weren’t so worried about what Mat may say.

His mouth opens and closes a couple times and he looks like a fish out of water. He looks at you again, as if he’s expecting you to step in but you just raise an eyebrow at him as if to say I told you so.

“I think she was confused-” he begins to say which is absolutely the wrong thing to say because it sets Nora off. 

She stomps her foot and her glare hardens. “No! She said that mommy lied and that you’re not really my daddy. She told me that I don’t have a daddy.”

Before he can say anything, she’s storming off toward the playground, Stella chasing after her. 

“Do I need to say I told you so?” you ask sharply, now that the kids are out of hearing range.

“You just did,” he mumbles and Marlee, who has been quiet up until now, steps towards Mat.

“You’re a piece of work,” she snaps and Mat looks at her confused. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Do I need to repeat myself?” she says, and you’re more than happy to let her say what’s on her mind. 

“You’re letting your girlfriend tell your daughter that you’re not her father, and instead of comforting Nora, you’re trying to defend your girlfriend!” 

For a moment, you’re scared Marlee is going to get angry enough that she’ll tell him the truth about Calista, but she takes a deep breath and turns away to go to where the girls are playing. You watch her walk over until she reaches them before turning back to Mat. 

He’s staring at the ground and you don’t know why you’re still standing here but you guess you’re just waiting for Mat to say something.

“I fucked up,” he eventually mumbles and you scoff. 

“When did you come to that brilliant conclusion?” 

There’s the tiniest part of you that wants to bring up Calista, just to see if he’ll tell you anything but you’re not sure you’re in the mood to hear about her. Not when you know the truth. 

“Liana is mad at me,” he tells you, which is news, because you thought she was just angry at you. 

“I can’t imagine why.”

You look back at Nora, smiling when you see her laughing. She looks more like herself, rather than the gloomy kid she’s been the past couple days since she asked to see Mat. Like she got what was bothering her off her tiny shoulders. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Mat doing the same but his smile isn’t as real. If you weren’t still angry at him, you’d feel bad but you can’t let go of what he said and the fact that he tried again to defend Calista. 

“She’s a good kid,” he says softly and you hum in agreement. 

“Did you know?” he asks, “that she was going to say that?”

“No,” you tell him. It’s not a lie - she didn’t tell you why she wanted to see Mat, and you didn’t want to push. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, but you shake your head and look directly at him.

“Sorry isn’t going to fix it this time. Marlee was right, instead of apologizing to Nora, who deserves to hear that more than me, you won’t stop making excuses for Calista,” you tell him. “I don’t know what you’re expecting from Nora and I, but sorry isn’t the answer.” 

He frowns, but nods, seemingly accepting your response. You leave it at that and walk over to where Nora, Stella, and Marlee are, grinning when your daughter reaches for you. She hugs you when you pick her up and when you look back at the bench Mat was sitting at, he’s already gone.

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @teapartydreams @alilstressyandlotdepressy @keiva1000 @hischiershoe @bellstwd @alwaysclassyeagle @brrbrina @nonsensical-nonsence

@love-like-woaah @cycy9 @swift-sos

if you want to be added or taken off the tag list please let me know! & if you asked to be tagged and I didn't it's cause your @ didn't come up when i searched

[twisted-writing]

Azul, Jade, Floyd x fem!reader

For Anonymous 

Who asked: Hi!!! Can you do headcanons for octavinelle reacting to their fem! s/o that they thought was a human orphan just appearing as an octopus mermaid to them and saying that she discovered that she was just half human, and the Ursula's granddaughter and accidentally poured a potion on herself that made her became a full mermaid, so now she is permanently an octopus. Please and thank you! (Bonus points if you add how azul will react to her acting clumsy and copying the movements of his tentacles because she has no idea how to move in this new form)

POV: First person 

Characters: Jade Leech, Floyd Leech, Azul Ashengrotto, Female!reader 

Pairing(s): Azul x fem!reader, Jade x fem!reader, Floyd x fem!reader (separate) 

Word Count: 820 

Azul: 

•When Azul had heard that you had an accident in Crewel’s class which was the result of an explosion, he was immediately worried for your wellbeing and safety. Many scenarios ran through his mind as he had made his way to the infirmary as soon as the news reached him.• 

•But this?• 

•Seeing a magical tank in the infirmary?• 

•And seeing the one who is in said tank is you? And not in the human body that he's so used to seeing but rather as an octopus, much like his own.• 

•Well it blew whatever scenario his mind had come up with out of the water.• 

•(Pun not intended 😆)• 

•Azul didn’t even realize that he had begun walking towards the tank, his footsteps echoing in the empty space until he was stopped in his tracks. Literally. Just a few more steps and he would’ve been able to reach you, but a magical barrier stopped him.• 

•Separating you from him.• 

•Azul didn’t like it all.• 

•If he couldn’t reach you, maybe his voice could.• 

•”Angelfish?”• 

•Hearing the familiar nickname that Azul had given you the moment you began dating as well as actually seeing him, put your worried, anxious mind at ease.•

•”Azul!”• 

•”Are you alright?”• 

•”I’m great! Moving with eight legs instead of two is a lot harder than I thought it would be.”• 

•”What exactly happened?”• 

•”Well…it all started in Crewel’s class…”• 

•And he listened to the entire thing, absorbing the fact that not only were you half human, but also the granddaughter of the great sea witch.• 

•”The tank and the magical barrier, did the headmaster set this up?”• 

•”Please.” You scoffed. “That cheapskate? No way. Professor Crewel, Trein, along with Sam set this up for me. I’m glad you’re here Azul. I didn’t want to go through this alone.”• 

•”You won’t.” He promised. “Not as long as I’m here.”• 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Floyd: 

•”Shrimpy! Hey! Wake up!”• 

•Floyd’s voice reached you from the barrier, rousing you from your sleep. Who knew sleeping in a tank could be so comfortable? It was the most peaceful rest you had ever gotten.• 

•”Floyd?” Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you made eye contact with your mer-eel boyfriend, he would have been closer to you, if not for the barrier in his way. “What time is it?”• 

•”Three a.m.”• 

•”Why are you in the infirmary at three in the morning?! Are you hurt?!”• 

•”Relax, shrimpy, I’d squeeze anyone before they could get a hit on me. As for why I’m here. I came to see you.”• 

•”Me?”• 

•”Yeah, I came to keep my shrimp company. It's so boring without you!”• 

•Floyd took all of this in stride. As if it was completely normal that his girlfriend was in fact directly related to the one of the great seven of Night Raven College, the one that his dorm was inspired by no less.• 

•That was Floyd for you.• 

Jade: 

•”How are you, my pearl?”• 

•”A little less bored now that you're Jade.”• 

•”Did you finish the books about the sea witch that I lent you?”• 

•”I did! They were such fascinating reads, thank you, Jade.”• 

•”Of course my pearl, I would do anything for you.”• 

•Jade was a calming presence and much like Floyd, he was taking this in stride and came to visit you as often as he could.• 

•You were grateful for him.• 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus scene: 

“There you go, you're getting better and better at learning to move in this form.” Azul complimented you, Sam had been kind enough to expand the tank to not only give you more room, but also so Azul could be in it with you to show you how to move in this new form instead of telling you from outside of it. 

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #4

... Angela has orange eyes. Interesting... It's a good thing that 8 years ago, I didn't set up my entire magical society to be obsessed with natural orange features like hair because it's the rarest color in the magical world, ahahaha...

Cosmo hung a picture of himself on their wall.

SHE HAS A CREATURE-HUNTER FOR A DAD? Oh no, oh no, oh no... Someone call Doombringer, Crocker, and Ed Leadly- They've got a new friend!

He didn't react to Cosmo and Wanda describing the features Crocker always names as fairy traits (wands, wings, floating crowns), so he probably doesn't know Crocker.

She's so cute...

Okay, I love that Cosmo and Wanda walk backwards while bouncing. They are still not used to being human.

CRYING, Wanda literally noped out with a farewell of "We probably won't be seeing you much." That is a woman who is not willing to get dragged out of retirement and back into creature-hunting threats. I'm very curious as to how they end up with Hazel.

Hey, Hazel's indoor rug is even cooler than the one in the hall.

POV, you usually would fly across the hall but you don't have your wings out right now.

She vaporized the door, doors are STILL for chumps!!

AND WE GET CEILING LIGHTS? They thought of everything!

... Enrichment Academy? Interesting...

Okay, I love how the building design, the hills, and Hazel's schoolmates still totally belong in FOP style:

Hey, that's the guy from the story bible preview! He's getting the skateboard noises; that's cute.

And baby, we're SO back!

Cosmo and Wanda think they slick:

Hazel introducing herself to the class as "liking french fries" is a mood.

"I have an older brother! He's my best friend. He's visiting today and it will totally make up for the fact that no one laughed at my rock joke." - Girl, you are dying inside.

(He's not gonna show and that's what'll push C and W into taking her in... isn't it?)

Oh, they have swirls on their ears like the OG style! Nice. Also, I love the thin, stretchy arms and tiny legs... This is nice.

Oh no.

Yeah, this kid looks stable. Please tell me he doesn't have orange hair. Haha, I'm in danger.

HE'S DALE'S KID??? Lemonade Dungeon Boy got himself a partner? Mr. Only Shows Up In One Episode unless he's the pixie godkid implied by Da Rules' page about pixies in the Musical but he's probably not, he's just always been my leading theory and it was in Season 2?

Ohhh, boy; writers did their homework. I support him and what I can only assume are well-adjusted social skills. And yay, that gives us a timeline.

If this kid were an animal, I don't think I'd let him eat out of my hand. He's ready for collateral damage.

Hazel has been so nice to everyone, not even outing Cosmo and Wanda to her dad, and she's already ready to yeet this kid into the trash because he's not good enough to recycle.

omg, we're getting introduced to the background characters? Yesssss...

Okay, I'm cracking up at Dev introducing the ASMR guy (Whisper) as "gives me the creeps, but I respect the hustle." I'm intrigued.

Whisper was my alt name for Whistle, so I'm glad I went with the latter!

I am saving every poster I ever see.

Love how we're getting to tour more of the building. We've got stairs! And mailboxes! ... Also, Cosmo and Wanda were not her bubble charms in disguise, but that's definitely where they're going.

I like how Hazel's parents did immediate damage control when she started reacting and made sure she was expressing a healthy response in front of Antony.

I'm obsessed with Hazel. She reminds me so much of Chloe. "Running away! Not in a bad way like on TV, but in a good way! 'cuz it's me and I know what I'm doing!" They would be friends. I wonder if we'll get to see adult Chloe.

omfg, Cosmo and Wanda saw "Child running away" and they're IMMEDIATELY gunning for this child. Sir/Ma'am, please get your minds retuned for this century. Do not steal the child.

SLDKJFSDF compilation of past episodes where Cosmo has gone to space after he says he wants to go to space. Looks like the "Spaced Out" saga AND - and I am shook -

THAT'S "TERRIBLE TWOSOME," Season 9! When he's reading jokes to Poof so he'll stop blocking the sun!

Sir/ma'am, where is your paperwork to take this child?

I'm glad I got a heads up that the writers confirmed the bus driver isn't actually Timmy; I can see how that would be confusing.

Stopping here so I can do a thing with my parents. Will return later!

[scoonsalicious]

Mother pookie🩷🩷🩷 ur kitties has risen. My initial plan was to comment on chp 3.3 but I feel like it’s gonna be long😂

To start off, first, even if it’s only one part, it’s amazing! A lot of interesting point for future theories, interpretations and ofc we got to see more on Buckybaby and deLulu so called ‘friend’ship. I gotta say whatever it is that Lenovo did to befriend him is magic because he puts up with her shit 😂 because from the looks of it, Leah did it all the time (when she’s being rude). Just like Bucky said, ‘why do you gotta think everyone is flirting me?’

I actually didn’t get the flirting vibe there, Mya and Buckybaby were just being friendly but clearly deLulu as the name itself sees it differently because hey! Bucky you can’t be friendly with someone else, only me or i’ll throw a tantrum because you make me feel invincible while I was there for you all the time. Anyways poor Mya. Didn’t deserve that. Lenovo needs therapy

Going on next, surprisingly I’m not frustrated when Bucky didn’t tell her the ‘truth’ because first, I have ridonkulous faith on him and second, I think it’s normal bcs I would’ve done the same. It’s either bcs I’m lazy for confrontation, didn’t wanna talk about it or i just don’t know how to tell them properly without it making a scene or hurt their feelings so my best way is to just shut up and agree. Besides, Bucky still cares for deLulu as his ‘bestfriend’ AND also bcs deep down he knows how she will react. If it were me, I would be tongue tied too and just agree with whatever it is that would not spark a fire. Plus, Buckybaby and Major are not a thing yet, it will be a different story if they are.

Now, who the fuck Lenovo think she is calling Major bitch. You are the bitch. Too fucking delusional. TOUCH GRASS. Thank God Bucky called her out. But the ending to their talk? Oh boy, she’s going to change herself into a girly girly gurl. If Bucky told her that he loves worm, she would transform herself into one because and I quote ‘Whatever that makes you happy, Jamie’ — ugh. The things we do for love (in this case, obsession and delusion)

Man, I would love to know how deLulu befriended Bucky. Like for real. What and how?! She literally forced herself into his life but there’s gotta be something she did that made Bucky really really accept her as his ‘best’ friend. One thing for a fact, he had a soft spot for her because again and I cannot stress this enough, she’s his bestfriend, his best girl. In his POV, Lenovo is equivalent to Steve and Sam. That’s something we as readers don’t see eye to eye.

Okay, done with interpretation, going on to future theories. I see there. I see that little star in the masterlist. Major and Bucky are going down dirty lane again and Major, you better suck his soul until he realises how differently Lenovo looks at him. I’m curious though, it’s just that I don’t know how crazy deLulu would be😂 Can mother pookie rate? per 10, Cunthage broke the meter ofc but what about Lenovo?

I don’t think, Bucky would break his friendship with deLulu though, unless if she did do something like crazy crazy. However, Lenovo would, like ‘It’s me, your best-friend or that skank’ kinda thing. After that she’ll throw a tantrum and suddenly had an epiphany which is to make Bucky jealous that backfires because, Bucky is sooooo happy with Major and she starts getting even more cray-cray and plots for Major demise like burning her WarZone or framing that Bucky is cheating on her or the opposite. Since Lenovo is SHIELD, she must have access to the system and use it to gain info about Major. Maybe she’ll contact her ex-husband and shit. But, it will end with either deLulu getting fired from SHIELD, or y’know, somehow she did get therapy and become better?😂 Idk, we have to wait for Mother Pookie’s great mastermind.

Thinking makes me hungry and now I am hungry. So lastly as usual, I love you mother pookie🩷🩷🩷 Aggressive kitten smooches and some cutie Buckybaby gif to make your day!!!

Hi Pookie! <3

Lemme start out by saying that Mya was totally flirting with BuckyBaby, lol. I mean, who wouldn't? Have you seen him?

I mean... come on!

Granted, she wasn't being obvious, which is why BuckyBB had no clue, but deLulu could see it because she is SUPER tuned in to any attention he receives from the opposite sex. Bucky wasn't flirting with Mya, though-- just being a genuinely nice guy and possibly oblivious now that he met Major and can only think about her <3

And you're absolute right about why Bucky didn't tell Lenovo about dating Major. First off, he's nervous-- he literally just met her the night before, so it's brand-spanking new, and he is afraid to make a big thing of it in case it fails; he doesn't want to jinx it, because he really likes her. He knows he's probably moving fast, emotionally, like Steve said, so he's playing it close to the chest until he really has something to tell her. Second, from past experiences, he *knows* how Lenovo will react. They'll have a discussion about it in Chapter Six, but he basically doesn't want her to insert her opinion before he can fully form one of his own.

And yes, absolutely, if Bucky said "I would love you if you were a worm," Lenovo would become a worm. And gladly.

I do want to explore how she and Bucky became bestfriends. Truth of the matter is, I don't know yet! lol

And yes, please expect many chapters with (*) warnings, because these two (Bucky and Major) are rabid for one another, lol. A little spoiler: the next * scene involves one of Tony's sportscars ;) I have not yet written a scene where Major sucks Bucky's soul out through his dick, but I will!

Crazy-scale. Hmmm. It's hard to say, because I would rate Cunthage on as a 20 on a scale of 1-10, lol. Lily's not that bad, thank fuck. She's maybe starting at a 4 but will escalate to an 8 as she becomes more desperate? Like, Cunthage was Villain-Level Crazy; Lily's just like... Regular-Person-Level Crazy?

I can't speak yet to what she's going to do to manifest the crazy. I have many, many ideas and the basic plot outlined, but I haven't written her shenanigans yet! So, you'll have to wait and see!

As always, I love you, Pookie! I hope you're having a great day <3

[vanderwoodlings]

⭐ ⭐ ⭐

I get three? :D (the picks are (un)shared space, i’m not used to being loved. (i wouldn’t know what to do.), and the sun rises in the east.)

So, first off, (un)shared space.

My brain is like. Always at least on some level doing Sad About Serena thoughts and for a couple weeks before this fic it had been thinking about Blair—>Serena brainworms. You have no idea how many times my brain played back “brown doesn’t offer degrees in slut.” The topic of choice being the Chuck of it all came from… someone mentioning that? I think it might’ve been S?

I’m still not sure how it became a Serena—>Jenny badness of the brain fic, but there was a thought in there when it was first sparking about Blair saying one of those victim-blaming/slut-shaming type things that she does and someone else being Upset while Serena is unperturbed that I’d love to come back to or see someone else mess around with at some point.

The concept I had in my head was Jenny having a breakdown on Serena, who tells basically tells her to get over it, combining with the fact that as far as we know Serena literally never told anyone ever about Chuck assaulting her in the pilot. I really liked it because it felt like it fit with Jenny and Serena’s relationship collapse in s3, and because I love limited POVs, and because poking at the boundary between GG’s writers being wrong about things and how messed up they made their characters because of it is always interesting.

I’m not entirely sure that that’s what I wrote—the was originally some narration around “But you’re the only one who gets it” line where Jenny explained she meant that Serena was, like… in the potential victim pool, so to speak, and had known that fact for a long time, but it just wouldn’t flow right. (I mean, even here it looks very off to me :/)

I went and I looked up the transcript for 4.03, when Lily says, “Jenny confided in me a while ago about the party and… she's put the past in the past and wants to move on” and that became the basis for Serena’s voice here. I wanted there to be a direct line between this and how it plays out. (Originally, it was actually going to have an epilogue describing both how Jenny was… weirdly uncomfortable… around Serena after this, and having that scene between her and Lily, where Jenny is literally saying this stuff to try to make sure Lily reacts better in some way, but it took shape instead as a very small closed moment in time. Very fragile.)

There’s a level of experience I have with like. ‘yeah this person who I don’t want in my house lives in my house and I just avoid him as much as possible and mostly I can forget he’s there and that he hurt me since we talk approximately once a month’ so. Is this true to life? Eh

(Note: I’m cool now. That is a past tense situation)

Space has a really important role in this fic: the whole thing takes place in the larger theoretical home-space, divided between the bathroom and the bedroom. The bathroom shows up specifically in s1 when Chuck is harassing Serena from inside it, smoking weed and preventing her from showering. The space we begin in has its reference point as a Chuck-space, not a safe zone.

Bedrooms are, of course, homes within homes. Rooms that are yours, personally, and they define a safe point. Jenny’s bedroom is also important because it’s still a shared space between her and Serena, and in some ways is entirely Serena’s, and gives weight to the parallels between them, to the sense that Jenny is just a time-shifted Serena herself. This conversation is all just talking to the mirror, and it was really weird to realize that Jenny’s s2 arc actually has a lot of similar beats to Serena’s preseries one

Serena, in this fic, exists with this concept of helplessness. She doesn’t believe she has an effect, which is always the worst place for Serena to be. But it has this huge grounding in a lot of Lily’s s1 behavior re: Chuck, and how she seems to not notice at all how Serena starts off her understanding of Bart/Lily with “the idea of being around Chuck is distressing” and like. Doesn’t really stop

In terms of extra details, I think it’s fun and relevant to note that the interim title for this fic was ‘call me brother’ :)

So. Fic two! Since I like being sad, we’ll do i’m not used to being loved. The first towgd fic is a really traditional dan-is-parent fic, and i wanted to flip that over and talk about Milo, and where his head was at, because he wasn’t an infant and he’s got a very loud head inside that he doesn’t share very well

The not-really-a-motif of this fic is the use of “Milo ached” at the opening and close—it’s not a violent kind of pain, but it’s one that’s good for hollow feelings and for motion and isn’t necessarily negative, so definitely the Milo word of the fic

Even before that, ofc, we have this line: “Dan struggled to lift it, and Serena swept it out of his arms to carry into the car with ease, black dress sweeping out behind her like crow’s wings.” I liked that a lot—jock!Serena, DanSerena teamwork, the halfway point between death imagery and GG costuming

Then following it, Milo hides everything important. The emotional things, not the practical. Because Milo is used to hiding what’s important to him. And so they go through the house and he’s enraged because he’s already taken care of everything, and they don’t know that, and he doesn’t say anything or show that he’s angry. Because that makes sense. File under: attempts to hit readers over the head

This first section does a lot of work in building up what Milo’s world looks like—the self-sufficiency, the anger, the amount of time he spends hiding—in opposition to the world he’s entering. And then the second starts to talk about why.

It’s all about Georgina as a parent, the back and forth Milo grew up in, and why he is the way he is. The complicated matter of losing someone who you loved so deeply and who hurt you so badly. I like the last bit the best, which is this really Georgina-specific brand of manipulation:

When he was six, he’d to come home to a few hundred dollars and a note and called his grandpa, crying. His mom had come back and sat him down and had a long talk with him about misinterpreting things and how he should never do that again.

And he was a good boy, and she looked so scared, and he had scared her, and—so he never did.

and then we cut back forward and Milo has this question of what he wants to carry with him, and he really doesn’t know. There’s a lot of supposed to to this section, and a lot of it’s the fact that Milo and his feelings aren’t friends. He doesn’t know how to handle himself, he doesn’t know how to have opinions or boundaries—a very unhealthy passivity going on. (The fic where Milo has a breakdown at school was,,, always going to happen.)

And then we get the final section, and that’s all about this exchange:

“Because it means something,” Dan said, frowning still over each deliberate word. “It makes me feel worthwhile to write in a way that means something.”

It sounded like he was saying more than he was, like there was something fluttering just out of Milo’s reach in the subtext, the crease between his eyebrows, the deliberate way he leaned against the counter.

“Yeah,” Milo said. “I think everybody wants to do something worthwhile.”

He wondered what his mom’s worthwhile had been, if she’d ever found it.

and so Dan is saying he cares about Milo and that he couldn’t not, and Milo is… living his best socially awkward life. My boy has the barest idea of what the fuck is going on and I love him

But the point wasn’t to get him to getting it, it was to get him to maybe, just like Dan at the end of the previous. There’s this idea of I could be this persons kid, I could be okay that creeps up on him for the time and he doesn’t accept it but he considers it and he has it for the first time, and that’s the point

So. Less sad things. the sun rises in the east.

It is a pre-s4 era milofic, so there’s some foreshadowing of Pain throughout—Dan talking about writing Inside and how Georgina “gets tense and evasive” when he tries to bring up the future. (I really liked threading in that Georgina doesn’t have an Inside analogue, and that’s part of why it’s so hard on Serena. That one’s a headcanon that makes things make sense for me.)

But pre-s4 is also peak date era—they’re all each other has, that summer, and it’s a very intense summer. So my first real experiment with them went there.

The first scene opener is really important in that it tells us how deeply overwhelmed Dan is, something that’s always going on in this fic, but the second was just so much fun:

He lays awake that night, thinking about Nate’s laugh, about how he’d censored his story about today’s “date” for Milo, about how he’d insisted on doing the dishes. Dan has always known Nate was handsome, has always wondered what it would be like to—

Well, fuck.

He’s been shoving his attraction to Nate Archibald aside into a teetering pile barely held up by his own veneer of heterosexuality for years, and seeing the guy with a baby was all it took for it to come crashing down over him? To be honest, Dan is kind of disappointed in himself.

There’s a real sense of the importance of that home-feeling, of the way that it becomes not just a physical attraction but a romantic one as well, and this is just one of the ways it comes up. And that idea of teetering has a counterpoint in the entirety of Dan’s life, and so we have a very untenable situation in all kinds of ways.

And then there’s some Nate pining, and some himbo4himbo content, and yes I do believe they watch bad vampire movies constantly together after that time they watched vampire porn movies together. It’s tradition. (Blair is horrified)

The Georgina scene was this… there’s a lot of hope in Dan, see? And that’s one of the things that draws people to him, for better or worse. He’s got so much belief in what they could be

I really love the vulnerability Dan and Serena have with each other, and I have Dan that line about it being safe to be pathetic and that’s one of the ones I liked best, alongside the contradiction of “he had one plan, one thing to put on her, and he won’t make her carry everything. He can’t give it up yet.” Sometimes you want to be sad, and you want to be hurting, and you don’t know how not to be so there’s this conversation that has all these layers of I’ve been with you and I love Nate and I’m queer existing on both sides, and this interesting study of Serena and secrecy that exists alongside Dan and weight as she tells him that “Even if [Nate] isn’t into you, he’ll be happy you told him, right?” (which, interestingly, I didn’t mean as a blairena subtext line, but knowing I was writing it in very much reads as one, because Blair isn’t like Nate in that way

And the final scene lets us into Nate’s own insecure, totally gay brain and undercuts that continual fragility with “and, well, life goes on” but tumblr is glitching on me so I cannot finish this properly :/

[the-historian-of-hisui]

Proton - A great memory you haven't shared.

[Memory. From Cynthia's POV since that was how it was originally written.

They’re here. Finally. Staring down the Depot Agents, a string of defeated trainers behind them - Cynthia and Volo battle with all they’ve got. They are not losing now, with as close as they are to the Subway Bosses.

Cameron and Cloud put up a good fight, certainly, but they’re really no match for the Vincams. Cynthia grins as they beat the snot out of the agents, and Cameron nearly bursts into tears when they lose, but she’s impressed that he held it together this long. Cloud pulls him into a hug and gives the two a thumbs up. “Go ahead,” they say, smiling. “The bosses are waiting for you.”

“I made a fool of myself, didn’t I...” she thinks she hears Cameron mutter.

They heal up their Pokemon and register their progress - she is NOT losing this forty-eight battle streak just because Volo needed to step out to go to the restroom - and pause before heading into car forty-nine.

“You’re sure you’re ready to see them again?” she asks Volo, who looks nervous, eyes widened and shoulders pulled forward.

He looks at her and nods. “Cyn, I’ll be fine,” he says, and she raises an eyebrow.

“Really? You sure you’re not going to die of terminal gay disorder?”

She laughs as Volo turns bright red, glaring at her. “Not when there are people listening!”

And it’s true - Cloud is obviously eavesdropping, giggling to herself.

“Really? What do you mean, you don’t want the world to know about your big gay crush on your childhood-”

Volo clamps a hand over her mouth, eyes wide, and she licks his palm. He recoils in disgust, and she laughs.

“It’s going to take more than that,” she teases. “But, dude, he’s literally your boyfriend. It’s not like this is going to change anytime soon. And these guys can keep a secret, I’m sure.”

“Definitely,” Cloud says, and Cynthia smiles at her.

“Anyway, since you’re not nervous at all to see him again, let’s go!” Cynthia opens the doors to the next car, and there they are, Emmet’s smile widening, Ingo’s posture straightening at the sight of them.

She smiles. “Hey, guys. It’s been a while!”

“You’re finally back from Sinnoh,” Emmet says, bouncing on his heels, radiating happiness. It’s infectious. Cynthia can feel herself smiling back.

“It was a fun trip, yes,” Volo says, smiling at Emmet. She can see the affection between them - it’s so weird, knowing that's her brother. Sigh. They grow up so fast.

“And you’re now looking at the new Champion of Sinnoh, and a certified historian.”

“Which is which?” Ingo asks.

Cynthia holds out a pokeball and grins. “Battle us and try to guess,” she replies.

“You’re out of time; now make space for the winners - we’re going to defeat you!” Volo adds, smiling. It’s their patented Vincam Twins Multi-Battle Intro™, even though this is the first time they've ever gotten to use it.

“What I do. What I say. Always the same. Follow the rules. Safe driving! Follow the schedules. Everyone smile! Check safety. Everything’s ready! Aim for victory! All aboard!” Emmet’s smile is terrifying now - he always is when he’s battling.

Ingo smiles, his usual cat-like grin. “Let me introduce myself again. I am a Subway Boss, Ingo! Well, there is nothing else to say for you two who came all the way here. Let’s have the greatest battle - greater than ever before.”

The two do their point-and-call, and they send out their pokemon, and the battle begins.

Cynthia’s slipping into the zone, her pokemons’ stats and type matchups and moves and abilities coming as easily as breathing.

She’s studying the twins’ tactics, noting down their strengths and weaknesses and reacting accordingly.

It’s fun - it’s the best kind of battle, the kind that feels like a dance, a game of chess.

They’ve battled like this countless times before, but maybe it’s that she’s a Champion now; maybe it was the time spent in Sinnoh, maybe it’s the fact that she has been to the Distortion Realm and come back herself, unchanged - it feels so much different than any other time. She might have escaped the Distortion Realm with her spirit intact, her self intact, but she’s far from the same Cynthia they knew in high school. She’s *powerful*, and this time, she understands just how heavy a burden that is.

Eximius - her garchomp - switches in once Pennas (her milotic) is knocked out by Emmet’s eelektross. Ingo’s excadrill is already out, so now it’s Earthquake and Subway Eel versus Eximius and Percarus.

The battle continues. It’s really close, but the twins win - Bolt, the klinklang, pulls through in the end for Emmet, even as Earthquake is knocked out easily by Volo and his togekiss.

And then it’s over.

Cynthia’s heart is pounding - that was fun! Holy shit, that battle was amazing! She wants to hug someone!

Emmet and Ingo go through the mandatory closing statements, and then the four of them sit down on either side of the train car to catch up, Emmet and Volo on one side, leaning on each other.

It’s been so long, and it’s not like there are going to be any trainers actually making it here soon - the Super Multi-Line is notorious for its difficulty. So they can spend a little bit of time with their friends, before they head back to their home again - they’ve been gone for a year. It’s the least they can do.

End Memory.]

[familyagrestefanblog]

My reply got longer and quite charged with alot of things I kinda held my tongue about. Also, it`s a bit unstructured as well.

Just as a warning ahead

................................................

You know, thinking about it, the New York special actually does play significantly into the Ladynoir conflict in S4, as we also now by the end of S5 that they are genuinely meant to be seen as Canon and this one was placed between s3 and s4.

But it's particularly the display of Chat Noir basically falling apart beside her, openly voicing pretty much unfiltered how worthless he sees himself in that moment, and her just... remaining entirely silent, not thinking about giving a bit of the support back she normally receives from him unconditionally, that really sells it for me in hindsight that Maribug never had to learn to actually be a good partner.

In fact, even when Chat Noir left she was still being more sad for herself than him. Saying that she doesn't know how to be Ladybug without him and that he made his choice, regarding him leaving.

The narrative shields Marinette so much from having to learn to be a good partner that a third person - Uncanny Valley, the fucking VICTIM - had to independently make all the work for Ladybug by recording her voice without Marinette's knowledge, so she can get Chat Noir back.

This is basically "Hack-San", where Alya (the third person) had to do all the work to make up for Ladybug's non-existent communication with Chat Noir and barely sparing him a single thought, which resulted with him getting the darkest red alert situation getting thrown in his face

(someone else / possibly a Sentibeing suddenly having LBs miraculous, for which he was then punished for reacting accordingly

which WAS one of the most logical explanations for what happened from his Pov. I will never get over how BADLY Chat Noir was punished for Marinette’s negligence. That episode said more about Marinette never even concidering that something could ever happen to him bc for her he only spawns into existence for akumas, than anything bad about Adrien. HE actually cared about his partner, SHE apparently wouldn't have questioned it if Gabriel had truly caught his son, taken his Miraculous and given it to a Sentihuman under his control to trick Ladybug)

But back to the New York special

Even when Marinette then is given Chat Noir back without her having to do a single thing nor take accountability for how badly she just failed him while he spiraled down deeper and deeper, right tf BESIDE her

And I'm sorry for being this blunt about it now, but not even when he comes back does she open up her mouth. HE is the only one being held accountable and asked by the narrative to properly learn his lessons and verbalize it towards Ladybug and the viewer.

Ladybug lost Chat Noir in the New York special bc she failed to return the very same support she gets unconditionally over and over from him when he was right beside her insulting himself into the ground,

and because she wasn't asked to do and learn a single thing to get him back (bc the victim took it upon herself to do Ladybug's job) she still remained entirely silent once he came back. Even after HE took accountability for having had feelings and leaving in extremely understandable circumstances, which as always had to go entirely invalidated bc them having made Maribug sad was more important than Adrien thinking he's unworthy of being the Miraculous holder of Destruction bc he just killed a person!

If the specials are Canon then there simply is no argument anymore that Ladybug not treating him better "is Adrichat's own fault for not telling her" because he literally DID and she remained silent and seemingly immediately forgot what he said bc she herself was having problems and bad feelings too and that for some reason equals Marinette not being able anymore to listen to what he's even saying.

Much less LEARNING from it.

If the specials are Canon, then Adrien learned there how Ladybug reacts when he openly voices his insecurities, which pretty much explains why he isn't doing it more in s4 and s5.

It is always the same situation and barely ever is Marinette asked to actually improve on her extreme weaknesses in the Ladynoir dynamic. It's always just Chat Noir, Chat Noir, Chat Noir, because, well, Ladybug is in the leadership position and is the dominant one and therefore she was always just able to kinda keep on demanding (on a whim and depending on her mood and what she needs) to never having really been wrong, so she doesn't truly need to learn anything substantial regarding him and the way she treats him.

And therefore she barely ever did.

I know she values him alot and doesnt want bad things happening for and to him (that's a disturbingly low bar..), but the way she values him raises the question about how much human personhood she truly recognizes in him, and if her favorite aspects of him, what she values him for, arent the consistent facts that she DOESNT have to really care about him the way she should, and concider him and his survival bc she likes him as fae-like partner and was barely held accountable for it. No, even VALIDATED for it by the end of "Strike back" and him just being perfect in s5? "Elation" wasnt talking bs when they compared MariChat to a celebrity crush, that was in fact accurate, with all its not so neat implications for Marinette's side.

Her characterization is always consistent, even until the end of season 5. She wants Chat Noir by her side but she isn't willing to actually DO her job as his PARTNER, leader and eventually guardian (or really view his as a real civilian person underneath, existing in reality) to make it possible for Chat Noir to make it out by her side.

The more time passes and I look back on everything that happened til the end of S5, the more I have to say I'm not shocked at all that, by all means, Chat Noir didn't made it out of the Ladynoir partnership and only returned in the new reality. The fact that Adrichat even made it this far all alone as Chat and without a partner who actually is capable of giving basic support is a miracle in itself.

Even Destruction and the Paris special are continuing this, by having shown us in hindsight that not only did Marinette not give Chat Noir one bit of actual support back when he was made to cataclysm Monarque - when HER plan backfired, she unnecessarily told him nothing about in advance regarding his role in it -

(while Marinette then made sure SHE gets emotionally taken care of by Alya, after basically only having prioritized herself too when Chat was in great emotional distress in "Destruction" after the incident, wanting that he understands that she can't undo it and that SHE is being given understanding from him for it. That was all Marinette prioritized in Destruction and at its core it amounts once again to only herself.)

And in the Paris special, which is placed between s5 and s6, we found out taht Chat Noir was then actually made to cataclysm ANOTHER PERSON ON THE SAME DAMN NIGHT - his own alternative and clearly self-destructive villain self - and as per usual Maribug never does a thing to even ATTEMPT to give Chat Noir support, while sure being willing to accept even more support from HIM when she's freaking out.

If the specials are Canon, then things simply look even worse for Marinette in Ladynoir.

Because if the New York special is Canon, then you can't make the excuses anymore of "Ladybug cannot possibly know that Chat's having such grave self esteem issues" or that "He never ever voices any of it to her, cause if he did she WOULD help him!"

Cause in the Paris special, taking place BEFORE season 4 he openly spiraled so god damn hard beside her, while explicitly voicing every insecurity in his head, and she canonly remained silent instead of giving one bit of support in return, and then she basically threw a pitty party for HERSELF when he left. After which she still barely learned anything bc even when she's given Chat Noir back without her having to take any accountability or make an effort to GET him back (she once again just accepted he left similar as in Kuro Neko and cast all responsibility from her by saying "it was his choice") she still says nothing and only fist bumps him as "forgiveness".

Intentionally or not, sending the message that SHE did nothing wrong and it was only HIM who has to take accountability for EVERYTHING. And even when he again calls himself "stupid" for having dared to be human in these fucked up circumstances without emotional support and having left, she says nothing to NOT have him internalize that.

That's the s4 Ladynoir conflict to a T. Maribug has barely ever learned a thing about becoming a good partner herself which was then driven home by the next special of Paris.

Because by this point, Chat Noir couldn't be having any more obvious problems regarding the morality of his powers, and his emotions, while not getting any help himself, after having been forced to cataclysm both Monarque and Griffe Noire in the same night,

Which is where her inability to give support back was then not only PAINFULLY highlighted, it also gave more context for why this exact inability was felt so badly for the rest of season 5. Most significantly, right away in "Jubilation" when Chat is basically emotionally bleeding right in front of her bc the akuma played hard core with their desperate feelings,

Chat Noir in "Derision" then loosing control of his emotions bc of how badly Kim hurt Marinette (remember that Elation EXISTS) and threatening to cataclysm him, since by that point it's genuinely not clear anymore what a cataclysm does to a person. All Adrien knows is that it's not an instant-kill the way he and we always thought and feared.

If ONLY he had a GUARDIAN by his side who might help him for once with this, since HE has barely ever received guardian support but sure as hell had to help BOTH Ladybug and Rena/ Scarabella with their power usages and insecurities. Interesting, so that part of the guardianship is inherently HIS job, huh?

Only times he got help really being "Syren" (When Marinette had to make Fu do it) and "Passion", but even there you can make the argument that Marinette doing her GUARDIAN JOB towards Chat for once, by giving him support, only happened bc Adrien was literally holding her damn earrings hostage, as he broadly asked her to remind him of why he they should NOT make a wish. He asked so she can talk her out of it, that should be obvious since he could have run away in a heartbeat and she couldn't have stopped him. And even there he had to met her half way after, only having dared to ask her at all when she literally cannot run from this either.

Then "Revolution" having Chat admit to Ladybug, once they thought they reached the end of the line, that he was still thinking abysmally low of himself. He just "Faked it til he made it" for her sake, which as per usual had LB say no more than "You were perfect, mon Chaton"

(which is a problematic can of worms in itself. That in s5, once she isn't ask of anything anymore in Ladynoir, she suddenly says he was "perfect" when in s4 it was important for her that he understands by "Kuro Neko" that HE is the problem in everything and HE has to suck it up and do better and be grateful)

Which of course resulted in Adrien giving himself up in London bc of the nightmares, bc the alternative would have required asking of Ladybug to emotionally "take care of him" and protect him by paying attention to catch the akumas with her yoyo, or even worse, she could find out who he is. Which Maribug in s4 really hammered down in their dynamic that NOTHING could ever possibly justify her having to know who he is.

So, meaning at the bottom line Marinette has created: when the chips are down and something in his life makes such bad troubles that it fundamentally prevents him from being able to function by himself, while also being her emotional anchor and eternal support rock while occasionally ALSO having to do her job now as well, then it's basically Chat Noir's responsibility to die alone and out of her view so it doesn't upset her, sending her another support cat who will help her since he's only her favorite ring finger the Black Cat miraculous is on. Not actually important as a person.

Maribug had 5 entire seasons time to do her job as partner and leader, to let Chat Noir know that when shit goes down HE too has the right to ask for her help. That he's WORTH that much in this dynamic.

Even if it means she might for once have to ask a damn question she's afraid of hearing the answer to. Even when it makes her uncomfortable, and not just give him what little is still mostly beneficial to her.

Or that he can ask of her to for once use one for her many resources for HIS SAKE too, not just her own. Not constantly having to accept to run the risk of Chat Noir remaining entirely isolated and at Monarque's mercy if the villain should ever find him. Which is apparently something Marinette was willing to risk since the only time she brought this factor up was to use it against him in "Ephemeral". And then never again.

She had 5 entire seasons time and yet by the end of season 5 Ladynoir never went passed what "Kuro Neko" had Maribug - intentionally or not, its beyond irrelevant at this point - reinforced as the fundamental and professional baseline terms of how Ladynoir works, and then they never recovered from it:

"the 'Chat Noir human sacrifices himself, leaving Ladybug alone of the battle field' level bc in their dynamic he himself as a human being underneath the mask is neither properly acknowledge as actually existing, nor that the boy underneath the mask has more worth in this dynamic than Ladybug's perfectly (pre-abused) support cat partner she barely has to give anything back to HAVE him"

All Ladynoir was reduced to in the s5 finale is what Maribug teached an entire generation of children everywhere with "Kuro Neko":

That Chat Noir as actual human being and person has no significance when shit gets real and she shouldn't ever be asked of to have done more, bc all SHE established to be her part on the very professional bottom line terms of this "partnership"

Was wanting him back in the end, which is all the s5 finale asked of her.

She wants him back as she said bc he's her favorite fae-like person to have the Black Cat miraculous, since (unfortunately) with no one else the bar would be THIS abysmally low.

No matter how much she values him, THIS inherently puts into question what exactly she subconsciously values him for.

It is insane that s4 and s5 have pushed this so far that I'm not even feeling bad anymore that Marinette ended up having to fight Monarque all by herself and lost (oh sorry, of course I meant "clearly having WON cause the villain laid down his weapons when he got to do make the reality changing wish he always wanted, just now in a different way but still entirely on his terms")

This whole battle was already lost with "Kuro Neko" when Adrien had to learn to accept Ladybug's order that in her leadership and guardianship HE does not get to exist as a civilian, he is HALF A HUMAN BEING, and she won't settle for anything else than Chat Noir only existing in his mask since that's how she prefers it (not even season 5 did anything to really ask more of her than his)

Because behind his back she long has made a second partner who actually GETS to exist as a real person, which is Alya/ Rena. Season 5 really made that clear, Alya and Chat Noir are literally 2 halves of ONE PARTNER.

No wonder that boy didn't make it out of this.

One could almost think Ladynoir perfectly prepared him for Cerise/ Chrysalis to swoop in now and take advantage of it or something. Both Ladybug and Chat Noir having a fox (coded) partner doesn't seem very unrealistic narrative wise, you know?

Hey, I was wondering if you could talk more about what you thought about the conflict that happened between Ladybug and Chat Noir in the new york special?

Certainly. Mainly, it’s the same issue we saw in ‘Glaciator’ but manifesting in a different way: these two tend to misunderstand the relationship between them because of their personal experiences and expectations, which tend to naturally be in conflict because of the very different pasts the two characters have. I also think the conflict was two-sided and only one side of the issue at hand was solved. We had Cat Noir’s dishonesty and Ladybug’s inability to act as a comforter, with only the former being solved.

Since it's the one that gets resolved and it's more straightforward, let's start with Cat Noir's side. He's the child of a strict, emotionally abusive father and we've repeatedly seen that he projects his relationship with his father into his relationship with Ladybug, and here it happens again. Gabriel would not let Adrien do what he doesn't allow and we've seen what he does when Adrien disappoints him: punishes him severely.

Strict parents don’t raise obedient children, they raise children who lie well. And Adrien had more of a motive to be deceitful than most. This special was the first time Ladybug gave him responsibility over something. If he said he couldn’t do it, would she ever trust him with anything again? Or, would she simply tell him to suck it up and do as he’s told, forcing Adrien to choose between her and his father in their demands of him? And Plagg, who I will point out, has been actively more helpful in season three, actually helped Adrien come up with a plan that, to their reasonable expectations, would not have led to anyone being hurt or disappointed, so Adrien obviously saw that simply not letting Ladybug know that he wouldn’t be physically present in Paris would work out. Adrien even was responsible about it; he kept himself actively informed of the situation in Paris up until he was made to put his phone away. And then things went to hell in a handbasket at the worst possible moment.

However, here comes the fault in Adrien’s reasoning, which was very reasonable to him and his implied-to-be equally abused Kwami: Ladybug is nothing like Gabriel. Marinette would have heard him out and they’d have come up with a plan together to deal with the situation, as long as Cat Noir got a hold of her soon enough for them to meet up and make a plan. We don’t really know what the time frame is between Adrien finding out and the departure of the plane to New York, but, considering Plagg stopped Adrien from contacting Ladybug, and no time constraint was mentioned, they’d have had plenty of time.

This is the beginning and end of Adrien’s half of the conflict. After this point, he’s merely reacting to what he thinks are clear signals from Ladybug. He tries to help with the villain the best he can, while Ladybug keeps distracting him by berating him in the middle of the fight, finally breaking his will to fight entirely by declaring she can’t trust him anymore, one of the nightmare scenarios I mentioned earlier. Add to that the villain using his power to harm Uncanny, he was convinced that Ladybug would be better off with any other partner. When Ladybug didn’t refute his assessment that he was a failure and no good hero, he decided he was right and abandoned his ring. However, when Uncanny revealed to him that Ladybug did, in fact, still need him specifically as her partner, he came back, deciding that it didn’t matter if he was a worthless failure as long as Ladybug would find a use for him anyway. Adrien repeatedly describes himself negatively in comparison to others, his self esteem is awful, but that wasn’t really a matter being handled in the special.

When Cat Noir made it to Ladybug and was instantly welcomed back, he apologised for not being honest and Ladybug signalled her forgiveness with a fistbump. This gesture signalled to Adrien that he could trust Ladybug and that Ladybug trusted him back, that the things she’d said in anger were just that. This showed Adrien in a blatant way that Ladybug was nothing like Gabriel, who would have lorded Adrien’s failure over him and punished him, instead of accepting his assurance that he’ll do better next time. This was an important lesson to Adrien, because he needs to be as honest with Ladybug as their secret identities allow because they’re a team and can’t go doing things independently when it affects them both. Adrien’s experiences in the special are ones that will specifically help him overcome his character flaw of being too distructful of others’ intentions when it comes to Ladybug.

Then comes Marinette’s side, and this one is more complex. While how badly she was distracted in that fight and how badly she distracted Cat Noir was an issue in and of itself, it wasn’t the thing on her part that escalated the conflict. It was merely what set up her state of mind. What escalated the conflict were the things she said in anger that she didn’t take back while Cat Noir was clearly falling apart. Marinette was understandably upset by what happened in Paris, but she made a very big mistake with how she handled that: she focused only on herself. Marinette needed comfort because she couldn’t heal Paris, but Cat Noir needed comfort because they could do nothing to help Paris, he’d just temporarily killed someone and he felt like a failure as a partner. But, when Cat Noir didn’t instantly move to assure her that she was fine, Marinette turned her back on him and walked away. She wanted space, because Marinette usually finds a quiet corner to think when she’s dealing with something, but Adrien saw that as a rejection. And when Cat Noir voiced all these things going on in his mind, she was silent, making him feel like she was condemning him, seeing him as worthlessly as he did. So he decided to leave her so that she could find a better partner.

Marinette also has her own misconceptions about her and Cat Noir’s relationship. This is another thing I noticed in ‘Glaciator’: Marinette doesn’t think Cat Noir is an actual human being with real human emotions and problems. She got better about it after ‘Glaciator’, like accepting his feelings for her as genuine, but she still doesn’t understand that Cat Noir can get hurt emotionally and might need a bit of support every once in a while. In fact, in ‘Timetagger’, she blatantly shuts him down when he’s looking for affirmation, claiming he “already knows he’s the best”, when Adrien actually has very poor self esteem. I mentioned in another comment that Marinette sees Cat Noir as a fae-like being, someone who only goofs around and supports her, and is never touched by worldly things like pain and sadness. The only threat to him are the supervillains they face. Every time one of them has shown a need for comfort, it’s been Ladybug, and Cat Noir has always been the one to comfort her. They’re stuck in these roles, and Marinette doesn’t know how to break out of them when Cat Noir is the one needing comfort and support. To drive this aspect of the conflict home, this is the direct reverse of the situation in ‘Miracle Queen’. In ‘Miracle Queen’, Marinette makes a mistake with real consequences, gets Fu’s identity revealed to Hawk Moth which led to his capture, but Cat Noir overlooks that to support her instead. In the special, Cat Noir’s mistake causes property damage in Paris that they can’t undo, but Marinette can’t overlook it to support her partner through his mistake.

Here’s the thing: Marinette has a good life. She has a supportive family and supportive friends. This gives her a solid foundation as a superhero and it means she’s used to people picking her up when she falls down. It’s not just her relationship with Cat Noir that’s characterized by the idea that support just shows up when she needs it. Heck, at the end of ‘Love Hunter’, Luka seemingly magically appears for the sole purpose of giving Marinette some comfort. However, we’ve seen some hints, mostly in ‘Weredad’, that at least her dad wants to overly protect her. We don’t know how well Marinette would actually take Adrien rejecting her, but, considering how miserable she was repeatedly in season two over just not getting to see him, I suspect not well, and her dad was convinced she’d go as far as being easily shattered by that. Children need to feel small disappointments to be able to handle the actual hurdles they’ll face later in life. The way Marinette becomes an anxious mess over failing at something reminds me of myself as a teenager, and I was a very shielded child. My mom pampered me, not by much, but enough that I had to learn to pick myself and others up at a later age. And I feel that’s a lesson Marinette needs to learn as well.

We saw from what Marinette said to Uncanny that she didn’t think Cat Noir’s mistake was irreparable. She didn’t mean the gestures I described earlier as how Adrien saw them. She didn’t mean to turn her back on him to reject him and she didn’t mean her silence to be read as her agreeing that he was a bad partner. But she never once considered that she might be sending Cat Noir these signals, even as Cat Noir told her how he felt about himself in relation to her. Instead of supporting her partner by saying anything to refute his self-disparaging comments, or even sharing their pain together, Marinette remains silent, experiencing her own pain alone and leaving Cat Noir with his. Marinette is a good leader, but she’s not a good partner, because she lacks the ability to support Cat Noir. This isn’t her fault, it’s a character flaw like Adrien’s distrust of others to consider his well being in any scenario. However, it’s one that’s harder to fix than Adrien’s, because Adrien’s flaw is one of perception, so he just needs to see contrary evidence to learn better. Marinette’s issue is that she lacks important skills for comforting someone: spotting a need and responding to it. I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen Marinette actively comfort anyone during the entire series. It’s very likely she’s never had to do so before the moment with Cat Noir in this special.

This is why Adrien leaving her was so important to Marinette’s future growth as a partner specifically. Technically Marinette needed it to happen. Marinette had to learn that you can’t expect someone to be there indefinitely if you never let them know you want them there, and she had to learn that Cat Noir needs her to reciprocate the supportive relationship between them instead of only enjoying the benefits of her partner’s almost unwavering support. An unequal relationship will not last. If you just keep someone around for their comfort, they’ll leave you once they have none left to give. If you just keep someone around for their good days, they’ll leave you once their bad days come. But in this special we saw Marinette taking the first steps towards realizing her partner’s humanity, ergo, fixing the part of the issue that’s in her perception: she was still thinking about him when she was Marinette. I noted in ‘Glaciator’ that Marinette usually stops thinking about Cat Noir once she’s Marinette again, which is part of that whole “seeing him as otherworldly” thing. Breaking out of that mindset is as important as it is for Adrien to break out of the “everyone would turn on me if I didn’t please them 24/7” one.

Basically: the conflict was resolved, but it showed where development still needs to happen.

[time-is-restored]

do u guys think it maybe says smth that im currently getting more narrative + emotional fulfilment from dostoevsky that Hates You as compared to the fucking football sitcom.

anyway patho au thoughts below <3 <- (it actually turned into a manifesto abt my thoughts abt Original flavour pathologic. will add au thoughts in a reblog otherwise this is gonna be unconscionably long LMAO)

the thing about the Macro Metaphor™ (oh yeah baby this is gonna be a POST) in pathologic is like. at least w how i experienced it pathologic had to be a video game because it had to give its players the closest thing to free will that is possible in a world that has been crafted from the ground up to give you An Experience™.

and the fact that what little free will we APPEAR to have is largely an illusion cast by various dialogue trees stating that we are doing something unexpected is . very much the point! to get anything out of pathologic you have to 100% buy into the fiction as presented to you. bc the game is incredibly meta, that includes buying into the idea that what u are playing IS at its core a video game made by ppl w a very specific and esoteric mission statement, who are doing their level best to funnel u towards the themes + questions that they find most important within this narrative.

. okay ive gotta talk about The Loop actually strap the fuck in (note: a lot of what follows is copied + pasted from me explaining my feelings abt pathologic to someone who Has Not Played pathologic, so sorry if im being over explanatory at points!)

so in clara's route there's a specific bit of dialogue u can get w the developers where they say clara is 'the only one out of the three [protagonists] that could accomplish a True miracle. who could break the loop.'

the 'loop' in question is. kind of hard to pin down. but its basically referring to the inherent contradiction at the heart of pathologic existing as a game: the developers wanted to explore how it is impossible for a miracle to exist in anything other than a temporary moment of spontaneity. if you try to cage it, it is no longer a miracle, it is a process which has consequences (in the game, this consequence is - at least according to some povs - the plague):

SO they give the player a closed system of a world, in which free will is By Definition impossible (you can't do anything the developers haven't explicitly programmed in), and essentially ask you to perform a miracle. on one hand, they admit to hoping that you can do it. on the other, they acknowledge it's impossible, without some Other miracle interceding.

thats why, in this same conversation w the developers, they talk abt the other healers' endings like they are simultaneously predestined, and like they can be changed after all! like here:

^ put a pin in that 'except for a lapse of judgement, but we're not concerned with that' comment!

SO. this is what's so interesting about CLARA being (apparently!) able to break the loop

bc the only thing that concretely sets clara apart from the others (they all have a bunch of superficial differences, but im pretty sure its not bc she's a girl, or a child, for example) is that she has no backstory.

she wakes up with no memory of her life, no real understanding of herself outside of what she is being accused of being (a thief, and a plague bearer). she is able to lie (state something about herself that has nothing in the game supporting it) without lying (state something about herself that has nothing in the game contradicting it).

due to pathologic's own rules (in this case, im literally just referring to it being a video game that was coded by a team and then released on steam), there is no way for a character to truly do something unexpected. clara acknowledges this specifically and gets rlly morbid abt it here:

however! because pathologic is inherently a conversation between the developers and the players, and the developers can't actually control OR react to the completely internal experience the player has while playing the game, there is a level of free will here that can't actually be eroded!

the game can TRY to account for as many different dialogue options, quests, endings, general opinions abt the world + its characters, but bc the total amount of code has to stop somewhere before infinity, it can't get it 100% right. there are emotions + opinions abt pathologic that u are going to experience as a player that pathologic itself cannot or has not accounted for!

clara's miracle is that she's (in universe) as unrestrained by the programmers as the player is (out of universe). she can't be caged any more than u can! YOU can't be caged bc u literally don't exist in the world that the developers have 100% control over, even while they spend several hundred hours of gameplay trying to convince u that u do. and CLARA can't be caged bc there's literally nothing to tie her down! she has no degree of verisimilitude that she has to stick to, no bounds on what is reasonable vs unreasonable for her to do. we ultimately don't know enough about her for her to ever be 'out of character'.

pathologic is inherently a role playing game, but when clara (or, technically, you AS clara) rejects the role she is given, you break from one of the most restrictive shackles the game has had weighing u down in the past two playthroughs. daniils often a prick to ppl he shouldn't be, burakh can't be neutral about His Fucking Town Dying, etc. if u took those things away from the characters just to give the player more freedom AS a player, the game would be compromising with you - something that pathologic explicitly refuses to do (14% of ppl who play the game ever beating n1, etc).

but clara can say fucking ANYTHING!! like. i cannot emphasise enough that you, as the player, as clara, lie about the fact that you have an identical twin, and then summon this twin into existence. its literally the first thing you do in the whole game!

because that's the rule!!! the player cannot be allowed to say something about the world that isn't true, without the explicit and recognisable intent of telling a falsehood! but NOTHING that clara says can be demonstrated to be false, bc there's nothing to check against!!! the executors EVEN imply that the version of clara you meet throughout the game (the one u call the 'evil twin'), IS actually clara, and those conversations are the PLAYER talking to the 'original' clara. which means that by PLAYING the game, you are in equal parts replacing + rewriting clara!

again, this isn't even CLOSE to the degree ur able to transform the other protagonists - the opinions they do/don't have abt their own fate + endings are explicitly laid out to u in black and white. daniil can think the polyhedron is beautiful, OR he can be afraid of it, etc. while you can CHOOSE to change ur mind between each conversation, there is no 'both' or 'neither' option at any point. you have to pick from what ur given.

like . this is the dialogue u get after asking abt what the haruspex's route was 'about'. the line before this says 'Executor: Diverging branches. He was the only one who could attain true freedom. He wasn't facing the kind of dilemma that the ever-deceived Bachelor found so dismal.'

its like. this is simultaneously the most obtuse thing these fuckers say in the whole game but also!!! there were feelings involved!!!!!!!!!

the 'loop' is that there is no freedom, and yet there is love. the game is not real but you get attached to the player characters as if it is. you see things through their eyes, and start to agree that these pre-determined, tragic resolutions to an explicitly harsh binary choice are correct, for the characters enacting them (HENCE THE 'except for a lapse of judgement' comment! pull that pin back out! yes, anyone who plays the bachelor's route is able to CHOOSE to guide him towards another ending. but how many of those players are able to genuinely sit with the bachelor's ideals + fears, and convince themselves that that is an action he himself would take! not you, but dankovsky! the developer's aren't concerned with any given instance of the player abusing their authority over the healers' lives. they're INTERESTED in taking that authority and choosing not to abuse it. to commit to the world as written. to make the impossible choice).

clara's route is like yes obviously there is a journey programmed in here there is an ending just like there is for every other character, and clara (the npc, when you don't play as her) argues for it just as strongly as you do when ur playing her + taking her over. but what's JUST as inevitable is that someone will push past that, will play through her route, will separate her out from the developer's (admitted!) confusion + rush + muddled intentions, and make a true miracle happen! its a loop! but its a miraculous one! the miracle is that you played the game at all!!

look at this! look at clara staring her fate as written in the eye, and saying 'fuck off, im busy!'

the miracle is the fact that the developers, while making a game about how you cannot cage a miracle/force one to persist, gave the player enough freedom to prove them wrong. the miracle is the fact that clara rejects her fate-as-written, to be the plague bearer, to destroy the game and everyone involved in it, and instead DEMANDS to be a miracle-worker who can and will save the town and all the lives within it. the miracle is that you save everyone that it is possible to save. the miracle is that you want to save them at all. the miracle is that the player finishes all three routes of pathologic. the miracle is that anyone who experiences this game, first-hand or second-hand, whether they finished it or not, now has a totally unique experience w and interpretation of that game. freedom clawed from the jaws of a closed system.....

the miracle! is art!!!!! is the inherent flimsiness of communication, both symbolic and written and visual and auditory and!!!!!!!! the miracle is that you're playing a game made two decades again written in RUSSIAN while the game developers pull out literally every trick in the book to make you have a TERRIBLE time and want to give up and you DON'T!!!! you refuse to give up on what they're telling you! you refuse to not let this experience matter, in however small a way!!!!!!!!!

the miracle is that the game devolpers could not build a tomb foreboding enough to keep the players from diving in head first, crashing face first into spice traps and vats of acid and plague bearing rats and fucking homing-missile knives and. idk. mummies or some shit what the hell do you find in a cursed tomb

the miracle is that the game means something to you even when the game is actively trying to force u to give up + let go of any sense of agency and control. 'your actions are meaningless, you are helping no one, this bloodshed is inevitable and in many concrete ways you are making it worse' -> 'OH BOY DAY FIVE <3'

the miracle is also that clara convinces like seven fucking people to die for her but. y'know. this might as well happen.jpg

like . this is the dialogue u get after asking abt what the haruspex's route was 'about'. the line before this says 'Executor: Diverging branches. He was the only one who could attain true freedom. He wasn't facing the kind of dilemma that the ever-deceived Bachelor found so dismal.'

its like. this is simultanoeusly the most obtuse thing these fuckers say in the whole game but also!!! there were feelings involved!!!!!!!!!

the 'loop' is that there is no freedom, and yet there is love. the game is not real but you get attached to the player characters as if it is. you see things through their eyes, and start to agree that these pre-determined, tragic resolutions to an explicitly harsh binary choice are correct, for the characters enacting them (HENCE THE 'except for a lapse of judgement' comment! yes, anyone who plays the bachelor's route is able to CHOOSE to guide him towards another ending. but how many of those players are able to genuinely sit with the bachelor's ideals + fears, and convince themselves that that is an action he himself would take! the developer's aren't concerned with any given instance of the player abusing their authority over the healers' lives. they're INTERESTED in taking that authority and choosing not to abuse it. to commit to the world as written. to make the impossible choice).

clara's route is like yes obviously there is a journey programmed in here there is an ending just like there is for every other character, and clara (the npc, when you don't play as her) argues for it just as strongly as you do when ur playing her + taking her over. but what's JUST as inevitable is that someone will push past that, will play through her route, will separate her out from what the developers wanted from her, and make a true miracle happen! its a loop! but its a miraculous one! the miracle is that you played the game at all!!

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Along For The Ride: How It Started (Auston’s POV)

A/N: hello darlings, so this is Auston’s POV for this particular part here. Also just a reminder that this series is currently being rewritten as Carson instead of y/n like it was originally intended to be, so everything going forward including this and the next parts of JWIN will not be reader insert. My apologies to anyone that may upset, but this story was never meant to be y/n I just edited that way because I know it’s preferred on here, but the main character has always been Carson and it’s much easier for me to write her that way. ❤️

Word Count: 1.2k

When Auston met Carson for the first time, it was after he'd just finished playing his very first NHL game. He was still coming down from that high. Scoring four goals in his first game was just something, Auston and anyone who was following the game that night struggled to wrap their head around. But he did it. And everyone was buzzing.  

It was a surreal feeling, and Auston couldn't stop smiling as he walked down a hallway in the Canadian Tire Centre on his way to find his parents. Still, his mission came to a sudden halt when a girl with long brown hair unknowingly stepped back into his path, and the two of them collided.

"Oh, shit," the girl mumbled under her breath as she stumbled and reached out for something to grab onto and prevent her from falling, but Auston reacted quickly. He knew that if he didn't, the girl would have fallen after coming unexpectedly coming into contact with him, so Auston wrapped his left arm around her waist and put his right hand on her arm in an attempt to prevent that from happening. Luckily, it worked. The sigh of relief that left the girl's mouth didn't go unnoticed by Auston before she began shifting in his hold and stood up straight again. Once she took a step away, the girl then turned around to face Auston. "I'm so sorry…"

Auston watched as the girl froze and cut herself off after finally seeing who she'd just run into. A smile began tugging at his lips as he did so. He, too, couldn't help the way his eyebrows raised in surprise while taking in the features of the brown-haired, green-eyed girl he'd only seen through pictures on a screen leading up to that moment. The same girl that also happened to be Mitch Marner's cousin.

"It's alright," Auston told her and smiled a little wider as he couldn't help but think of how, yeah, she was beautiful to look at on Instagram, but she was stunning in person. "I wasn't watching where I was going either."

"I-," the girl started but was cut off again by none other than Mitch himself this time as he came over and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, then looked back at Auston.

"Auston, I see you've officially met my baby cousin Carson," Mitch said with a smirk, acting like he hadn't already told Auston all about how close he was with his cousin.

Auston just shook his head slightly in response because, yes, he did know of Carson. He'd even messaged her briefly on Instagram earlier that day, but he didn't think this would be the way he'd finally meet the girl Mitch, Steph and many others talked so fondly about.

"Baby?" Carson's voice snapped Auston out of his thoughts as she looked up at Mitch, visibly unimpressed by being called that. "Mitch, you're literally 12 days older than I am."

"Older and wiser," Mitch replied, not missing a beat.

"I don't think so," Carson responded, then smoothly elbowed her cousin in the gut and moved away from him, earning herself an intimidating glare as he groaned in pain.

Auston was amused, to say the least, and couldn't help but chuckle as he observed the other two. However,  before he could say anything, another voice spoke up from behind him.

"Uh oh, the twins are at it again," said William Nylander as he walked towards the other three.

This was an interesting addition to the scene playing out in front of Auston because he knew that Carson and Willy allegedly had a history of sorts.

Over the past week or so, Auston heard a few guys tease Willy about how he made moves on Carson, but it didn't end up the way he was hoping it would. Auston didn't know the details, but from what he gathered was that Carson left Willy high and dry at a bar before anything more than the flirting they were doing could happen.

The fact that Carson apparently ditched Willy to get food then went home to bed before he could even get her number was something Mitch specifically thought was hilarious and loved sharing with the other guys on the team before telling Willy that Carson 'didn't like hockey players.'

However, Willy didn't seem to be phased by Mitch's comment or whatever happened with Carson because he still liked her. That much was evident with how he smirked once Carson looked his way, then winked at her.

Auston felt a pang of something as he saw that happen but brushed it off quickly as he looked back towards Carson, only to see that she hadn't reacted to Willy's advances at all. Auston was pretty sure Carson didn't even notice the wink because she wasn't even looking at Willy as he walked by. Instead, she was looking at Auston as if it was only him there speaking to her.

"Twins?" Auston asked once he snapped out of his thoughts and moved his attention back to Carson and Mitch.

"The more you see them together, the more you'll see how true that statement is," Steph, Mitch's girlfriend, stated as she wedged herself between the two cousins in attempt to keep them from annoying each other any further. She then looked at Carson and nodded. "We have to get back to the station real soon if we want to catch our train back to Toronto."

"Right," Carson replied with a nod back. "I'm good to go whenever you are."

The two girls then discussed how after they said their goodbyes, they'd head back to the train station so they could get home. After their brief conversation, Steph stepped away to start saying goodbye to Mitch's family, but instead of joining in doing the same, Carson looked back to Auston and smiled again.

"You played a really great game tonight," she complimented. "Congrats."

"Thanks," Auston chuckled and grinned back, feeling flustered at how contagious her smile was. "It's all pretty crazy to let sink in. I definitely think your good luck message helped, though."

"Oh, I'm sure it did."

Both Auston and Carson laughed at that, but it soon faded into silence. Neither knew what to say, and Auston could tell Carson was feeling a little awkward as she shifted from one foot to the other then glanced towards her family standing nearby. Auston decided not to let her feel that way for long, seeing as he too needed to get going and find his parents still, so he spoke up again.

"I, uh, I guess I won't keep you from catching your train back to Toronto," Auston started and looked away slightly, not liking the fact that she seemingly felt less comfortable. "It was nice... officially meeting you, Carson."

"Yeah, I should probably get going before Steph comes back over here and starts dragging me out," Carson replied, making Auston laugh and feel slightly better. "It was nice meeting you too, Auston. Congrats again, maybe I'll see you around."

"I'd like that," he told her honestly. "Get home safe."

"You too, well, to wherever you're going," she responded, then sent him one last smile before walking away to go over and say goodbye to her family then leave.

However, Auston couldn't do the same. For a moment, he felt stuck in place as he watched her leave, completely entranced by her and intrigued by the interaction they just had. Carson left a lasting impression on Auston for sure, and he couldn't help the nagging thought in his mind about wanting to get to know her better as he shook his and continued on his search for his parents.

[flowerzchild]

WHY I BELIEVE ELRIEL IS ACOTAR 5

DISCLAIMER: As you have read from the title, this post is strictly pro-elriel and my personal opinion. If you don't agree or don't ship them then kindly move along no need to be mean to people on the internet over their personal preferences and opinions.

THE CASE OF THE BONUS CHAPTERS

In my opinion, if you base your argument that Elain and Azriel will not be together by only using his bonus chapter alone then it is very unwise.

As it stands, Azriel’s bonus chapter is only extra content that can be not read by the readers. This is proven by its accessibility only extends for US readers, even then the book that contains the chapter is only sold by one bookstore chain so many US readers don't have the chapter unless they are engaging in the fandom.

The same goes for Feysand’s bonus chapter. Granted, there is nothing altering in Feysand’s bonus chapter except to give us a little insight into how they came to name Nyx and them discussing Elain and her potential. However, there is one major line that makes it clear Elain’s book is next.

“Let’s focus on helping one sister before we start on the other”. (FEYRE’S BONUS CHAPTER IN ACOSF)

The line above had no business to be in Feysand’s bonus chapter if Elain’s book is not next.

Why? Well, the bonus chapters are placed at the end of the book and by the time we arrive at that chapter Nesta’s story is very much told.

Like, Sarah has said, I don’t think Nesta’s journey is finished, what I am saying is that her story is been told then it will go to the other sister, Elain.

Thus, for me, those two chapters only intend to be a confirmation of Elain’s book and Azriel as her love interest.

Now, if you want to argue that Azriel’s POV is a confirmation that he and Gwyn are mates then it should’ve been included in the actual book.

What I mean by included is his apparent ‘mate behavior’ toward her or hell anything resembling romantic interactions.

Why? So that casual reader also notices there is something going on between them.

Now, what is the purpose of Gwyn being in the bonus chapter? When you look back at the actual book, you will notice one thing that is mysterious about her: her singing/voice.

Nesta reacted to her singing and so did Azriel’s shadows. No, I am not saying she is 100% a lightsinger, I am saying that her presence in the bonus is meant to give us a little clue of her power not her and Az as mates. Like I said, there should've been something romantic between them that is included in the actual book. Their interactions in ACOSF are incomparable with Elriel's interaction.

But again, we shouldn’t base our argument on chapters that many may think not exist. The main evidence of the next book should be from ACOSF itself.

ELAIN AND ELRIEL’S BOOK CONFIRMATION IN ACOSF

Elain who seemed to be very compliant and passive suddenly show the other side of herself in ACOSF that take everyone by surprise.

Elain who everyone thinks is a people pleaser suddenly talked back to Nesta when she was about to be coddled.

Elain who has been passive since the original series suddenly volunteered to help find the dread troves or anything to help resolve the Koschei situation.

Now that Nesta couldn’t find the missing trove because she lost her powers and Feyre bound by the death bargain with Rhysand, who else the inner circle turned to?

Now, that Koschei is still a threat, which female character that was from the original series side character that had a connection with him and that’s been highlighted the glimpse of change in character throughout ACOSF?

You may argue that Elain showed little development in ACOSF, however, she is set to be the main character.

If she is not set to be the main character then it would make sense for her development to be in the background of another character’s story.

A main character’s character development is a part of their narrative journey to become a developed character at the end of the story (as we’ve seen with Nesta and Feyre). Therefore, we need to read it from their inner thoughts to witness and make sense of the scenes that make them a changed character.

Also, may I add that Nesta’s development was regressing not developing in ACOFAS but her book is next, isn’t it?

Now, when we have established that Elain is the next main character based on ACOSF alone, we must now analyze who will be her love interest.

It is either to be Lucien and Azriel (Tamlin never in the equation just because they are associated with flowers and no Elain doesn’t want to be coddled she literally talked bak to Nesta when Nesta doesn’t let her scry, where do you get that Tamlain shipper?).

Let’s compare their last interactions in ACOSF, shall we?

“Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing. Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen.” (ACOSF, CHAPTER 58)

vs

“...Then his gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly...” (ACOSF, CHAPTER 58)

We have these two interactions between Elucien and Elriel in the same chapter as if Sarah herself wants to point out the obvious where Elain’s feelings truly lay.

I know Elriel's confirmation is probably not very convincing for some people. However, we must take into account both characters’ personalities.

If you have read Azriel's bonus then you will notice that Elain is very shy around Azriel (she was shaking and nervous when she gave his present remember?) and Azriel tends to mask his emotion when he is in the presence of others (Nesta is the one narrated their charged glance).

So yes, that scene is enough confirmation for their attraction, they are naturally quiet and shy. I expect no less from them as a confirmation especially when we don't have their POVs when we initially reach that part in ACOSF.

A POSSIBILITY OF GWYNRIEL/ELUCIEN BOOK IS NEXT?

The only way I could see Gwynriel getting a book is if their book is a novella.

As I have made a post here, Azriel and Gwyn do not have a direct (read: major) relation to the main plot that can carry it to its peak in ACOTAR 6.

Because of that their book should be a novella since nothing major happen in their book except that maybe they got together.

However, we know that the novella’s release date has been pushed back and forth and Sarah herself admitted in her March Instagram live that she doesn’t know what the novella is going to be.

So it safe to assume that the next installment will not be the novella, rather, the full book or the actual book which inherently will be Elain's and by default Elriel's.

The next book could be about Elucien if only they have interactions at all in ACOSF so that it will build up their unresolved conflict. I’m basing this argument on Nesta and Cassian’s interaction in ACOFAS.

In ACOFAS, despite the fact that Nesta and Cassian were fighting there were indeed interactions between them that must be resolved. Instead, in ACOSF the only interactions that actually happen and need to be solved are between Elain and Azriel.

“He’d been replaced in training by a stone-faced Azriel, who was more aloof than usual and wouldn’t even give her a smile.” (ACOSF, CHAPTER 59)

The thing that needs to be resolved between them is explained by their misunderstanding that happened in his bonus chapter.

Yes, I am aware that I said we shouldn’t base our argument on his bonus chapter, however, the line above is a direct callback and outcome to what happens between Elain and Azriel as well as Rhysand’s warning in his bonus chapter.

How else you’re going to explain why Azriel became more aloof than usual if not resorting back to that particular fight between him and Rhysand because of Elain? How else you're going to explain why Elain and Azriel suddenly stop interacting after they are confirmed to be attracted toward one another?

Regardless of our contrasting opinions and interpretation of Azriel’s POV, we must remember that it is a bonus chapter and those scenes in his bonus might not be canon for those who have not read it or learned of its existence.

Also, in order to speculate the next book's main character, we need to get past the barrier of romantic interactions and actually think about what the next main character will contribute to the main plot of the story.

As it stands, only Elain can carry a book by herself regardless of any romantic subplot. And because Elain’s book is next and we’ve seen close to zero interactions between her and Lucien then her love interest will be Azriel.

Elucien and Elriel have been built up alongside each other since ACOMAF, and yet only one of them that’s progressed and is being set up when it comes to the plotline. So yes, Elriel is the endgame.

[yazthebookish]

I know that some people speculate that when Nesta said she knew Azriel’s secret it was in relation to Elain, however personally for me I interpreted it wayyyy different, like not involving romance at all. In the previous passage they talk about the holidays and how good they are.

““They pull people together. And bring them joy. They are a time to pause and reflect and gather, and those are never bad things.” Shadows darkened his eyes, full of enough pain that she couldn’t stop herself from touching his shoulder. Letting him see that she understood why he stood in the doorway, why he wouldn’t go near the fire.

His secret to tell, never hers.”

When I read the context of the situation and the fact that this is after Nesta‘a breakdown in the mountains, I believe that the secret Azriel is keeping is more to do with his self worth and his personal relations not only with himself but with the family he has around him. It’s stated that Nesta and Azriel are very similar, but especially in their trauma and I can’t help but wonder if this is Nesta connecting the dots and seeing herself and her journey of acceptance in Azriel.

Maybe her understanding of why he won’t go near the fire is because he doesn’t feel worthy of being close to those around him (especially because this is when we start seeing him hit rock bottom) or maybe it’s supposed to be taken quite literally in the sense that the same way Nesta didn’t like the logs crackling because it reminded her of her fathers death is the same way being near a fire reminds Azriel of his hands getting burned (I’m not sure if we’ve gotten other scenes though if Azriel next to a fire so I could be wrong).

I’m not going to state for sure that Nesta knows how deep Azriel’s trauma goes or if she sees herself and her insecurities in him, but I just don’t see her knowing that Azriel was jealous of a mating bond. I think in that circumstance or outcome (where Nesta does know how Azriel is feeling about Elucien’s mating bond) the most I would give her is that she understands the longing for love even when you feel unworthy of it. But once again, I don’t think that Nesta’s conversation with Az on Solstice had anything to do with romance and everything to do with Azriel’s personal story.

One charged look won't make Nesta assume that Azriel has a crush "in love" with Elain. She didn't even dwell on it.

I know some looked back at who was sitting by the fire after reading Azriel's chapter because he says he stood by the door because he couldn't stand the scent of Elucien's mating bond. But... does Nesta know that? No.

We, as the readers, while reading ACOSF before Azriel's chapter, early on in the Solstice family room scene the text literally mentions that Mor was sitting in the couch by the fire, why was that important to address? SJM could've made it simple and only mentioned that it was Elain that was sitting close to the fireplace. But, it was only mentioned that Elain sat between Feyre and Varian. While they're also sitting near the fire but the text specifically mentions Mor near the fireplace.

So, the I agree with you anon and when I read that scene I didn't interpret it as Nesta thinking that Azriel's secret is about Elain. She literally looks back at who is sitting by the fireplace, a few pages earlier the text specified that and it was Mor.

If it weren't for the bonus chapter not many would have connected it to Elain.

And we we had Nesta's POV for the rest of the book so why didn't it ever cross her mind if she knew something was going on between Elain and Azriel? She doesn't even have to say it, we're in her head, she could've thought of it or observed something.

But let me show you an interesting observation that further proves Nesta isn't aware of Azriel's infatuation with Elain.

We have these scenes and Nesta's thoughts.

Does she, for once, think about how Elain would react to Azriel and Gwyn's interactions and banter? Not once. She thought about herself, and about Feyre and Azriel and Gwyn had more interactions post-Solstice. So, if Nesta knew about Azriel's feelings since Solstice wouldn't she... think of her sister atleast once?

Anyhow.

When I read the context of the situation and the fact that this is after Nesta‘a breakdown in the mountains, I believe that the secret Azriel is keeping is more to do with his self worth and his personal relations not only with himself but with the family he has around him. It’s stated that Nesta and Azriel are very similar, but especially in their trauma and I can’t help but wonder if this is Nesta connecting the dots and seeing herself and her journey of acceptance in Azriel.

And you make a very good point here. Nesta sees in Azriel the self-loath and unworthiness she herself feels.

SJM did say "Nesta sees through some of Azriel's secrets" but Elain is not his only secret, and she isn't a secret that Nesta is aware of as per the text.

One of the arguments I loath is claiming "All of Azriel's secrets are about Elain" Azriel had secrets eversince we met him. That's what always made him such a mysterious and dark character. You always know there is more to him. Feyre sees that and now Nesta does. Azriel's entire personality does not center around Elain. Did they forget that Mor is considered one of Azriel's secrets because we never saw in the text that he spoke of her or of his feelings for her. We only knew and saw that from other characters.

I'm 100% sure that Nesta is aware of Azriel's feelings for Mor. She also was there during the High Lords meeting and saw him lash out and saw how Mor and Azriel were around each other. If Feyre easily picked up Azriel's longing glances at Mor then Nesta definitely did.

Ah... didn't expect to write such a long answer but I got carried away hahaha. But thank you for sharing this anon you make excellent points 👏🏼

[yagamisdiary]

ALRIGHT here’s just a paragraph of me putting my thoughts on this chap and stuff for next chap since i’ve no where else to put it 💀💀

This was the absolute most CUTEST chapter yet it was just so nostalgic and beautiful, the scene of her imagining jean and her brothers back to them as young boys made me smile and i couldn’t stop it was honestly so beautifully written and i LOVED it

and then Prince Phoenix AHHHH this man bruh so hot so respectful and literal green flag as a man and when he was with the bunny oh my god i loved it idk why but it was like a scene of proving he has good intentions the way he reacted to it and held it ygm? and when they were walking in the rose garden and fucking jean and ambrose coke out of the bush…💀💀 i cant fucking wait to see how jean felt in that scene if you end up putting it in next chap since you said bits of it will be from that week in his pov but i honestly do really like phoenix so far BUT this guy is blind asf i’m sorry… idc what anyone has to say no way this guy couldn’t see she was uncomfortable and sad after the engagement now this isn’t me saying he shouldn’t of proposed IM SAYING he’s blind that he didn’t hug her like i know it’s hard this guy was so happy and blind anyone could of seen through that fake ass smile girl was about to break 😭😭 but i think how he went with the proposal was cute and especially his little speech he understood

and when my girl broke 😭😭 i was so sad man and the way she felt so embarrassed when jean saw her made me break for her even more, felt for that girl fr

WHEN JEAN WAS BANGING ON THE DOOR ANF WHINED AUGHHHH JUST WAITING FOR Y/N TO TOP HIM SO THAT CAN HAPPEN AGAIN.

I’m sorry but i understand it’s hard for mikasa but i hated how she was treating her as a stranger to try distance herself even tho this was a time she needed her best friend the most like oh my god mikasa get your ass back in the game before i get parasite y/n in here to steal your man..

and i’m sorry but why haven’t i seen anyone except for like one talking about the KEY scene of this entire chapter which is probably gonna set up for a new BIG BIG part of the plot??? Levi and Y/n’s fight i called it istg it’s like when she had bad intentions so will her powers? so that’s why i’m scared for her when or if she loses control cause her stubbornness and emotions have been so high these past like two chapters and it’s only gonna get worse 😭 but oh my god that fight scene was so good and i was honestly afraid for levi when he started coughing man i fucking loved how she took her anger out tho it was so cool

OH I NEWTLY FORGOT TJE BEST PART WHAT. My favourite part was the parts of her and jean in his room and how they slept together it was all so cute. how she was naming constellations and he seemed genuinely interested and talking about the future n shit and how he went asleep and she went asleep on him AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHXHXHXJXJJSJSJS MY HEART AND STOMACH AT THAT SCENE BRUH I SWEAR TO ABSOLJTE FUCKING GOD. And how she’d always go back that week. i don’t care what anyone says.. i know it was so small but the best part of the entire chapter for me was hearing how he’d day at night how she can’t come back but every day he’d ask if she was going to be coming over tonight my heart sunk into my stomach in a good way literallt resting on butterflies it was the best fucking part for me

AND JEAN AT THE END???? man what’s up with this guy and pulling her waist? not complaining tho, this guy definitely loves her waist or some shit tho 😭 it was so cute how he was just behind her speaking and getting closer and then brought her in for a hug from behind like oh my god i fucking loved it now i cant wait for him and phoenix to be in a room alone 🥺🤞

NOW FOR NEXT CHAP

bruhhhh smut smut smut m m mmmmmm i cant wait like i just know he’s gonna be slow n shit and the fact he HAS to be slow since she’s a virgin and let’s be honest this guy probably hasn’t had sex in a long while since he’s been so busy and doesn’t seem to be going out as much so HES gonna be holding on for dear life literally edging himself the entire time and i just KNOW this guy gives the best after care let’s be honest like look at how he hugged her when she heard her parents, untied her corset cause he knew it was bothering her and the way he done it AUGHHHSHDHDJD and how he was hugging her from behind at the end and how he was banging on the door and didn’t care if he got caught and hoe he didn’t want to fight with her and just wanted to be with her and just stay with her like oh my god this guy…

ALSO AMARA FUCK YOU WE’VE BEEN STARVED OF CRUSHING MARCO FOR WEEKS NOW.

Speaking of starving we’ve been starved of Amara’s immaculate smut for a total of FIVE fucking months now… FIVE. AND NOW WE’RE FINALLY GETTING IT????

and prince phoenix.. i know i praised him when i was talking about him but i didn’t wanna include this there since thag was kind of a look back of last chap but i don’t trust him.. i also know amara’s ways from parasite so i don’t trust him if im bring honest.. he’s too good to be true i feel like he knows a thing or two about y/n and her powers or at least his parents do but i think he’s way too good to be true and i don’t think it’s a coincidence he picked y/n and he’s also the like less sus person which i think is sus 💀💀 but idk i could just be looking into it too much but i don’t think so 😇😋🤲

anyways sorry if this was really long 💀 just needed somewhere to put my input on this chap 😍🤲 definitely my favourite so far couldnt stop smiling the whole way through it 😭 love you amara mwah 💗💗💗

OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I LOOOOOVE WHEN GIVE ME LONG DETAILED DETAILS/FEEDBACK ITS MY FAVORITE

i’m gonna respond back to each paragraph so hold on:

the part where yn envisions her brothers as siblings was definitely the hardest part to write for me and even though it’s in the beginning of the chapter, it was the very last scene i wrote because i was struggling so much with it like i wanted it to be perfect

prince phoenix definitely did notice she was sad, in the part where she says he was talking to her as she walking him to the gates but she was zoned out and wasn’t listening, he asks her what’s wrong and tells hers stuff and that’s why he hugs her because he feels bad (it’ll get more into it in this next chapter)

the part where she runs to her room crying was one of my favorite scenes to write, i know this sounds HORRIBLE and u guys are gonna be like “yeah bitch we can tell” but i LOVEEEE writing gut-wrenching, heartbreaking scenes like it’s my fav kind of scene to write and the fact that i got that emotion out of ppl makes me happy in the sense that i got my point across like the point was for the reasons to feel her pain and that’s what happened so YAY ME (sorry y’all)

jean hanging on the door LMFAO i just had to include the veronica scene because first of all HOT, second because i feel like jean is always so nonchalant and pretends he isn’t bothered and that scene is one of the first scenes we really see him worried about her and putting his pride aside fully by begging and pleading her to talk to him which is massive for his character development

with mikasa, i understand both sides like i get why mikasa wants to distance herself because she feels like it’ll hurt less to say goodbye but also like she needs to be there for yn when she really needs her, also mikasa is getting more attached to eren since she knows eren is gonna be here forever and yn won’t, it’s kinda like she accepting she has to move on but you’re right she shouldn’t be cold toward her atleast LMFAO NOT U SAYING PARASITE YN IS GONNA STEAL HER MAN

yesss the levi scene is definitely detrimental to the storyline in so many ways, the readers can kinda see the connection that her powers are controlled by her intentions si since she’s always so kind and caring, her attentions are always good but right now, she’s starting to go through some tough shit and her emotions are everywhere to the point where she can no longer control/hide how she feels which correlates with her powers as well

and YES we do see those couple days from jeans pov in the next chapter so he’s pov on when they’re outside running around, when she’s asleep on him, when she goes over every night, when he finds out yn got proposed to etc he also goes and reads the letters she sent years ago so i’m excited for u guys to read that as well

jean touching her waist has a lot more significance than people realize, he’s known her his entire life and only has touched her hands/arms/shoulders because they never were close like that. now that he’s getting closer to her, he’s able to touch her in more personal spots aka her waist, that’s also why he has a habit of always lifting her chin up too because he couldn’t touch her face like that before either

the SMUTTTT it’s gonna be real good like i’m so hyped for it and i know all these bitches are too LOL it’s been MONTHS since i’ve written smut so i’m really excited to get back into it and i think this one is a tad bit more exciting for me because like you said yn is a virgin so he is gonna have this overwhelming feeling that he has to be gentle while having to hide the fact he wants to fuck her brains out LMFAO

and crushing marco comes out this next chapter don’t worry!! especially since it’s marcos pov and the two are friends, you’re gonna see a lot more of the men interactions (jean even speaks to phoenix too but shhhhh)

“amara’s way from parasite” HELPPPP i really traumatized you guys with that book i swear 💀💀 every comment is like “FORESHADOWING???” or “AMARA WHAT IS THIS”

[angelanimedesaray]

Wings in the Dark Chapter 10:  Reparations

AN:  Yaaaaaayyyyy I got this one done.  For some reason I’ve been in a weird spot where I write more on my phone and my focus is better when I write on my phone, but I’m also super vulnerable to typos because AUTOCORRECT and its just harder for me to spot on the smaller screen with the tiny text, so excuse any typos.

Characters:  Levi, Fem!Vampire!Reader, Erwin, Petra, Oluo (Mentioned), Eld (Mentioned)

Pairing:  (Eventual) Levi x Fem!Vampire!Reader

Warnings:  Language.  Ikr, we just got super tame after a wiiild ride.

Word Count:  5124

<----Previous Chapter    Masterlist    Next Chapter---->

*Levi’s POV*

“I’ll admit, it would have been nice to know ahead of time that you were going to hijack the interrogation like that to antagonize her.”

Levi ignored the pointed jab at his actions down in the dungeons, gaze instead roaming around and taking stock of the people they past in a surveillance instinct too ingrained into his being by now for him to shut it off even going down the street towards a tea shop.

Considering L/N could hear so far out, even when she wasn’t paying attention, Erwin and Levi had decided to leave headquarters entirely to have this conversation.  Which was why they were now headed for a tea shop instead of Erwin’s office to discuss something so confidential.  Or at least their opinions on the situation, not necessarily the information itself.

"Did you at least get what you wanted out of it?" Erwin asked as they took seats at one of the outside tables.

"I did.  Mostly.  You?"

"I was skeptical when you told me, but after that little display of hers, she's clearly not human.  Not anymore."  Erwin leaned back in his seat and appraised Levi, their conversation pausing momentarily as they placed their order with the waitress that came outside to check on them.  Once she went back inside, Erwin continued.  "If you have more questions, why didn't you ask them before we left?"

"It had nothing to do with why we were there.  Personal curiosity. And it didn't seem like the time to ask."

Especially after he'd goaded her like that, making jabs at painful memories for her until she reacted, throwing harsh accusations at her semi-blindly and seeing if anything stuck.  The last thing she would want to do would be to give clarifying details about her past traumas to satiate his curiosity.

Her tale made her origins make more sense, but there were a few details that still weren't so clear to him.

The way she explained it, she was attacked and turned by a vampire the night before--for reasons unknown, he noticed.  She hadn't said why she was turned, or by who.  She'd actually glossed over that part and moved on--and then went home, not knowing what happened to her, thinking she was sick.  Her friend came to visit her, Y/N lost control, attacked and killed her, then fled.  He was sure there were details to make the tale far more gruesome, but this was what he knew for sure without letting his imagination run wild.

But then she'd shown up dead a few days later as well.  That was the part he was trying to figure out.

“Some deaths, okay, fine, I'll come back from it.”

So, she ran away after the initial panic, and then came back solely to fake her death so they wouldn't keep looking for her.

And by fake her death, she went for a...temporary death, something she would come back from.

But why go so far as to let herself be buried?  It was a closed casket funeral, so she could have snuck out before they sealed the casket and no one would have known.  Why wait?

He hadn't forgotten the fear and trauma in her eyes when she'd mentioned being buried alive was one of her deepest fears.  And now the mental image in his mind of a woman clawing desperately at a coffin, screaming for help while no one could hear her had a face to go with it, the face of someone he knew, no less.

It was humanly impossible to break out of a grave and crawl your way out.  But if you had vampire strength, and every time you suffocated from the lack of oxygen or the dirt crushing down on you and maybe even getting into your lungs...then it was possible. So long as you died a few times on the way up.

Shit...something like that had to do some damage to a person.

Not to mention what came after.  Forty years living in the Underground, roughly.  He'd only been down there a little over half the time she had.  And he hadn't spent it like she had--skulking in the shadows killing people because what she was demanded she kill to survive no matter where she was, and she couldn't go above ground not because it was denied to her, but because if she did she would literally die.  Yeah, he'd killed plenty of people in the Underground as well, but far less, and for a reason that was entirely different even if it could be worded the same.  He killed in fights because the Underground was that dangerous, or he was protecting people he cared about.  She had to actively hunt and kill people to...feed.

If she'd been in the Underground before he was even born...he wondered if they had ever crossed paths, and he just didn't remember.

Hell, with her criteria for who she hunted and killed, he was surprised she hadn't killed Kenny in all that time with him Underground.

Or maybe she had, after Kenny left.  It wasn't like Levi would know.  Though he was fairly certain the man had gone topside, which would mean out of her reach and away from her hunting grounds.

If only there was an alternative to her diet.  She’d laid out why it couldn’t be helped, and he understood that, they were good reasons.  But still, if there was another way...

“You're thinking about something rather hard over there, Levi,” Erwin commented, and Levi realized he’d been staring intently at the table and had even failed to notice that the waitress was in the process of delivering their tea.  Erwin was also watching him, though his hands were still in motion, his analytical gaze fixated on Levi’s still form.  Shaken out of his thoughts, Levi leaned back so he wasn’t leaning forward intently anymore, picking up his teacup to start drinking before it got cold.  Erwin waited until the waitress left to continue talking.  “Is it something I should know about her?  Another hunch, maybe?  The last one was mostly right.”

Levi snorted softly at that.  Mostly right his ass.  He’d been thinking murder and treason and assassinations, someone out to get them, someone seeking to harm people in the Scouts.  Ulterior motives and selfishness, malice.

Maybe the murder hadn’t been that far off, considering her body count, if he did the math right in his head.  And maybe she had been hiding a secret.  Perhaps she was dangerous, but so was Levi.  It didn’t mean she was an enemy.

“No,” he said curtly, putting an end to Erwin thinking Levi might be holding out on him regarding his suspicions after how off they’d both been about this situation.  “Like I said, it doesn't have to do with whether or not she's trustworthy and if she should be in the Scouts.  Just personal curiosity.”

“So you believe her?  About her intentions?” Erwin asked casually before taking a sip from his cup, eyes cast down as he spoke but flickering up to gauge Levi’s reaction once he finished speaking.

Levi eyed him because of the look on his face, but answered nonetheless.  “...I do.  She was sincere down there, some would say too honest.  Most people try to hide the fact they’ve killed hundreds--thousands--of people, or that they could kill the people who didn’t trust them without blinking an eye, but she was upfront about it.  She didn’t have to be.  She’s dangerous, that’s a reality no matter how you look at it, but she’s attempting to channel that into helping instead of just causing damage.”  Levi sighed, setting down his cup.  “I assumed a lot about her intentions and where she came from, and it's going to bite me in the ass.”

And he was probably going to have to put some effort into making amends after all this--especially with how he’d antagonized her down there and clearly crossed a boundary.  Several boundaries, actually.  And now that the moment had passed, the guilt was starting to settle in.  He’d accused her about some harsh stuff, some of which she was sensitive about, given her reactions.  She was the one who had to live with what she was, so he doubted someone going after the very things you might cling to in order to retain your humanity was something anyone would take kindly to.  After she saved his life--even if it had also been her that had almost killed him to begin with--after she protected him from herself and other vampires, even if he wasn’t aware, after she’d gone out of her way to learn from and appease the entire squad, after going through years of training to get where she was now, after putting so much at risk when she could have stayed safely in the shadows, after trying so hard to find a place topside, he’d jabbed at pretty much everything.  Her basic motives, her humanity, her intentions, her personality, everything.

He had a lot of damage control to do moving forward if they were going to keep working together.  He sincerely hoped he’d only damaged the well and hadn’t poisoned the water.  A damaged well he could fix, but a poisoned water supply…

Levi’s gaze narrowed at Erwin as he realized the other man still hadn’t said anything, his suspicions solidifying.

“What about you?  Do you think she’s a risk you’re willing to take?” Levi asked, echoing her words from down in the dungeon Levi had immediately known would catch Erwin’s attention.

“I am a man who likes a good gamble,” Erwin said with a bittersweet smile, resting his cheek on his fist as he considered the situation before them.  “As long as she’s not attacking other Scouts, she’s trying to keep her bloodlust under control, she’s not causing problems for or bringing more danger upon the Scouts...I don’t see why we shouldn’t let her stay.  From the sounds of it, having a vampire willingly join our ranks wanting to use all those abilities to help our cause is a once in a lifetime chance.  She’s offering it on a silver platter.  As long as she can keep herself under control, which she’s been able to do so far, I say we take her up on her offer.”

“And if she can’t?  If something happens and she loses control?” Levi asked, eyebrows raised.  She’d said it herself, she was a threat, there was always a chance something could happen, and that shouldn’t be forgotten.  But what would they do if she did slip up with no sign of being able to correct herself before it got out of hand?

“Then she’ll be our responsibility to take care of,” Erwin said evenly, gazing at Levi in a way that made him believe Levi would be the one to take care of her if she stepped out of line.  He had the best chance, yes, but it would still be risky.  “Hopefully we won’t have to kill her if anything goes wrong, she’s valuable, and it would be a huge setback to lose her vampire abilities...but if it ever comes to that…”

“It won’t be a problem,” Levi said flatly.  He meant that in the matter of conflict of interest, not that killing her if it ever came to that wouldn’t be difficult.

Erwin nodded.  “She stays in the Scouts, then.  I’ll have to factor in all this new information about where best to put her.  She probably shouldn’t be anywhere near medical, for her sanity’s sake.  And Levi?”  Levi fixed him with a stare as if to ask what the hell was up with his change of tone, which Erwin ignored.  “Considering the strangling tension between the two of you down in the dungeon, are you going to ease up now that you have the story--for the most part--or do I need to switch her to a different squad?”

Levi scoffed.  “I’m not going to apologize for being angry about the fact that she kills people, Erwin.”

“It's not like she has much of a choice, from the sound of it.  And she’s doing rather well, given her situation.  A lot of thought had to have gone into coming topside and joining the Scouts, how to pull it off.  She was ready with those questions, and considering she wasn’t planning on us figuring out what she was, that means she already went over those questions herself.  She’s going with what she believes to be the best route, and considering she’s more of an expert on the subject than we’ll probably ever be…”

Levi waved him off--he didn’t need this explanation, he already knew this.  She wasn’t going to prey on innocent people, she couldn’t afford to downgrade her diet too much considering she needed to be in peak health and control fighting in the Scouts, and she couldn’t just stop unless she wanted to die a slow and agonizing death.

Starvation over decades, maybe even centuries…

Regular starvation was bad enough, he knew that from personal experience.  He couldn’t imagine going out like that--he wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  Especially self-inflicted.

Levi’s gaze wandered to the few people in the street, moving idly from one person to the next, not really paying them any attention beyond basic people watching as he brought himself to his decision.

While he understood her position, that didn’t mean he was entirely comfortable with it.  But was he willing to try and make this work, to keep her on his squad--this time as his decision, not a decision Erwin made in the name of surveillance--and see if things could still work out despite the mess this entire ordeal had turned into that almost ended in his death.

Was it a damaged well, or poisoned water?

Was he going to cut his losses, or try to fix this?

“...Don’t put her on another squad,” he finally told Erwin.  “She’ll still have her skills put to the best use with my Squad.  I’ll figure out how to deal with...everything.”

He was going to try and make this work, despite the current friction between them.

The only question now, was how?

Erwin was the one to tell L/N that she was staying in the Scouts, of course, and by extension he was also the one to tell her she'd remain on Levi's squad, and that it was Levi's job to keep an eye on her and make sure she stayed in line.  As for Levi, it was back to business as usual while Erwin handled speaking with L/N.

And two days later, Levi abruptly decided that everyone was going to do a deep clean of HQ, assigning everyone at least one room, with L/N having two considering how fast and how well she cleaned, and himself having three so that he had plenty of time to think while he was cleaning.

Now that his concerns about betrayal and deceit had been assuaged, he could finally allow the softer sides of her he’d glimpsed to settle in his mind, too.  Between the darker side he now had a better picture of and the person he’d been seeing since she joined the Scouts, he could finally form a more complete picture of the new person on his squad and start to decide what he thought of her.

Any lingering concepts in his mind that she wasn’t up to the job went out the window--except for a general concern about her being around too much blood.  She hadn’t been in the middle of a truly hairy expedition with people dying left and right.  She’d been struggling when he was bleeding out in front of her--what would it be like when there were people dying bloody all around her?

Then again, she’d already pointed out that his blood was particularly alluring.

That was still an odd thing to think about--he was probably going to do his best not to think about it.

He wasn’t too worried about her being able to hand the more...psychological stresses of being a Scout.  If she could handle being directly responsible for death, and being around it so much after living in and hunting in the Underground, she might fare better than most in the environment.

If it hadn't been the sharper, harder edge he'd seen to her personality in the dungeon, the knowledge of the things she'd already seen and been through, he'd be worried she had too soft of a temperament and personality for the Scouts.  It had been what he'd seen from her before the whole vampire thing came out.

She was the woman who went out of her way to comfort the horses and make sure they knew they could trust her.  Who sat in the field with the horses and simply soaked in the sun's rays while drawing whatever she could see--namely horses, at least once the man who had been watching her, yet she never said a word.  She was the woman with a tea garden in a hidden corner of the Scout’s headquarters so that she could save more of her salary...and use it to shelter and provide for the parents who didn't know, and would probably never know, they're daughter was still alive.   The woman who snuck treats out to the horses from her own plate, who'd gotten at least half of Levi’s squad drinking their tea with a bit of white sage for health purposes--only Levi aware of just how much it was actually doing for them.  The one who had asked for a different kind of lesson or tutoring from each squad member so they wouldn’t feel like she was some air-headed newbie that thought she was better than everyone because she was put on a fast track to Levi’s squad fresh out of the cadets, so that they could feel like they were still teaching her something, that she was learning from them.  She was the kind of person who made little gestures like covering him with her cloak when she saw him asleep at the table without a second thought, or timing a fresh cup of black tea almost perfectly to help keep him alert when despite his insomnia he would start to feel tired in the middle of the day, who'd risked the loss of a leg to make sure Eld wouldn't get hurt even after Levi killed the Titan, and who had saved his life even though, at the time, doing so was a great risk to her, because he could put a swift end to the life she'd been trying to build above ground.

She was a good person at heart.  Complicated as hell, still dangerous and a risk, and she had her skeletons, her demons and dark secrets, her flaws...but still, a good person at heart.

He’d been watching her closely long enough to pick up on all of that and then some, even if he’d tucked most of it away for later evaluation considering at the time he was worried it might be a front for some insidious ulterior motive.

And he had to do something to try and mend the relationship they had.  They couldn't function as part of a squad with all this tension and friction, let alone as captain and subordinate, definitely not as a team.  There had to be some level of trust if they were going to be working together in the future, and right now, there was pretty much none, mostly because of him.  And he had to be the one to make a first step towards repairing the damage that he had inflicted so that they could start building at least the groundwork of a working trust in one another.  They would need it when they went out in the field, because all that raw ability meant nothing if they couldn’t function with each other.

Levi scrubbed harder at the stone floor, seeing his fingertips turn pale with the rest of his hands red from the hot soapy water and the pressure he was putting on the brush.

"Captain?"

Levi sighed, leaning back and putting the brush back into the water, turning and lowering the cloth over his face to look over at Petra standing in the doorway with a broom in hand.

"Oluo says he's done with his room, he's just waiting for your inspection," she informed him, though the look on her face was enough to tell him he'd be telling Oluo to do it all over again as soon as he saw it.

"I'll do it when I'm finished," Levi answered, raising the cloth over his face and pulling out the brush to start scrubbing again.  "Tell him to make sure he's finished while he waits."

"Yes, Captain," Petra said with a small nod, turning to leave.

"Has L/N finished with her two rooms?" Levi asked before she could leave entirely, focused on a new spot of stone as he spoke instead of looking up at her.

"Yes, sir.  She actually went outside, out front, to do some extra cleaning while she waited for you to be ready to inspect the rooms."

She was also really good at cleaning.  She had to be, right?  She'd lived below ground longer than he had, and her senses were extra sensitive.  One bad smell must be torture for her, the dust probably setting off her sensitive nose with the slightest buildup, her sight probably making it easier to pick out grime, and her speed making her a faster cleaner than anyone here--when she didn't have to slow down because she was being watched by someone who didn't know what she was.  No wonder she was so damn good at cleaning, why he hadn't found any flaws with it to date.

It almost felt like cheating to him, for some reason.

He pressed unnecessarily hard down on the brush again, feeling the bristles bend and strain slightly in the brush, his fingertips turning pale again.

"Tell her when she's finished with whatever she's doing right now to come up here," Levi told Petra, offering no more explanation as he continued scrubbing at the floor.

“Yes, sir.”

Petra left after that, and Levi focused on the room around him--his third room, mind you, and he was almost done.  His hands were red, a little raw, too, but it wasn’t anything serious.  He just kept getting lost in his thoughts while he was cleaning, and instead of calming down like he normally did when he cleaned, he’d tense up at those moments where he got lost in his thoughts.  He was going over his attempt at a peace offering over and over again, well aware that he wasn’t the best...people person, that communication on a social or emotional level was not his strong suit.  But he was hoping the intention behind the gesture would be clear.  She wasn’t an idiot--she was smart.  There was a decent chance she’d be able to see what he was trying to do.

Hopefully.

Levi was just starting to finish up, finishing with a bit of polish on the metal in the room when L/N finally made her appearance, standing in the doorway with similar cleaning additions to her uniform as him, though she had an apron on that was currently tucked up and into her straps to keep any dirt from falling onto the floor while she walked.

She must have been doing some garden and yard work, then.  Pulling weeds or something like that out front.  At least she wasn’t tracking dirt everywhere, from what he could see--and his eyes were scanning her and her surroundings carefully to make sure she wasn’t about to ruin his hard work.

“You wanted to see me, Captain?” she asked formerly, keeping her gaze fixed on him instead of letting it wander around the room at anything other than him.

That was a start, at least.  He’d be worried this entire rebuilding the bridge thing wouldn’t work out well if she couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

But the tension was still there, thick and uncomfortable, enough to put even him on edge.  There was a distance in her posture, a different kind of guarded than when he’d been snooping around and watching her every move.  Like she was hyper-aware of what he was going to think of her moving forward.

He was still coming to a decision about that one, honestly.

“You’re going to start training with me,” Levi said with no lead up, causing her eyebrows to raise in surprise, opening her mouth like she was about to ask questions before she quickly closed it again, since he continued to talk as if her reaction didn’t phase him in the slightest or give him any kind of pause.  “You’ve got some things to work on before the next expedition.  Two lessons a day, sparring and ODM gear.  Make sure you make the time for it.”

“Ah, Captain...I’m not sure if I...should…” she said hesitantly, caught between obeying what was close to a command from her Captain and a reluctance to take him up on the lessons because...what, was the tension that bad for her that she didn’t think she could train with him?  Did she not want to be anywhere near him any more than she already was?  Did she think she would make him uncomfortable?  Did she not like the thought of being alone with him?

That was a viable concern, actually.

Or maybe she just thought there wasn’t anything he could teach her.

On the contrary--she’d said herself that she was having trouble with the ODM gear.  She’d said one of her risks was that she reacted too fast for the gear to keep up with her, sometimes.  That was a problem, especially in a situation where one needed to rely on instincts--how could you rely on instincts while also trying to muffle them to lower to the level of the gear, or nearby people?

She needed help finding the middle ground, or at least training herself to instinctually pace herself so she didn’t outpace the gear in an emergency.  Like she’d pointed out herself, that kind of mistake could be the difference between life and death, even for her.

As for the sparring...well, the only people here that came close to matching their skills was each other.  Who else were they going to spar besides each other?  Besides, it would be refreshing to have someone he could actually go all out on that would be a challenge for him.  He was sure the same applied for her, now that she didn’t have to hold back to keep her secret hidden.

If that had been the reason she’d thrown the fight the first time they’d sparred.

Plus, all that raw strength and speed meant nothing if she didn’t know how to use it.  He could still teach her things, show her some techniques she could use in a fight, that kind of thing.

Is offer to teach her was his way of offering an olive branch to her...and he didn’t take too kindly to her starting to turn down the offer.

Levi narrowed his eyes slightly at her as she continued to cast about for a solid excuse to turn him down.  Most people here would kill for one on one lessons from him--a fact he was well aware of.  Yet here she was, proving just how out of the ordinary she was as she seemed to be beyond just the vampire thing, trying to weasel out of it.  “What?  Don’t think you have anything to learn because you’re so naturally gifted?” he asked in a jab much softer than his accusations during their interrogation.

“No, it’s just…” she started to say with a frustrated sigh, looking over her shoulder like she was looking at someone, even though no one was there.  “Eld’s already giving me ODM gear lessons…”

Was that really it?  He doubted it.  Yes, Eld was teaching her a few things, Levi was aware, but it wasn’t the same as what Levi was offering to teach her.  And it wasn’t a reason to turn him down in the first place.  Just another excuse.  Unless she was really worried about what the others would think if she got not only one daily private lesson with Levi, but two.  As much as Levi was usually of the opinion “To hell what other people think,” this one he could see where she was coming from if it was the case.  She’d just gotten the others to warm up to her despite their grumbling and cold shoulders after the extremely green rookie got sped through all the tape and obstacles right into Levi’s Squad while they put in hard work and were hand picked by Levi after some time in the Scouts after displaying their own strengths and skills over a period of time.  It must have looked like favoritism--and Levi giving her double private lessons wasn’t going to help anything.

It didn’t change the fact that she still needed them or could benefit from them.  And that it was a way for them to start making amends...in a roundabout way.

“ODM techniques.  Special maneuvers:  team and solo, correct?” Levi asked, mostly rhetorically, though she still nodded in confirmation.  Levi moved over to the table he was keeping his cleaning supplies on, starting to pack up his things so he could leave to start doing inspections of everyone’s designated rooms.  “I’m not going to be teaching you what Eld is.  You said you were having problems with reacting too fast for the gear, right?”

Levi spoke pointedly, giving her a sidelong glance so he could gauge her reaction and she could see he was serious about this--and that he didn’t have any ulterior motives.  She didn’t protest again.  She still looked a little uncomfortable, possibly because of the bump this could cause with the others once they found out, maybe because it meant the two of them were going to be spending more time with one another and they were going to have to get over this tension between them really quickly if they didn’t want to end up at each other’s throats trying to kill each other, but she didn’t protest anymore.

“Four a.m. in the woods for hand to hand.  Two hours before dinner on the training grounds for the ODM gear.  Don’t be late,” Levi told her, taking his supplies and leaving her behind in the room as his way of dismissing her.

Now to go yell at Oluo for not getting his cleaning job done properly, most likely.

Next Chapter---->

(Strikethroughs Couldn’t Be Tagged)

Levi Tags:  @humanitys-hottestsoldier @clary-quinn @sunny-flo​ @whalerus​  @thirstyforsometea

Wings in the Dark Tags:  @regalillegal @animeluver23 @theshylittleelfgirl @queenthorin1 @dilucs-thighs @sociallyanxiousmouse @subtlepjiminie @hakunamatatayqueen​ @queenofcurse @linxiajei17 @levisbebe @toni-jones

[leamy-world]

Reaction to The Devil Judge (spoilers for ep. 11-12)

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well this week!

Here we go! Again i’m really sorry for the english & my personal interpretations which might go a little bit overboard (❁´ω`❁)

THIS GOT VERYYYYYYYYYY LONG PLEASE BEAR WITH ME!!!!

tldr: i am in shambles haha

Have a nice week and take care! ♥

- Huckleberryfinn’s new OST, The Nights, was released this saturday and it’s truly a gem! The guitar/bass’s place in BOTH OSTs they composed is awesome. The lyrics destroyed me haha (i’ll shortly talk about it below!). The soundtrack during these two episodes was awesome btw ;;

- Sun-Ah’s visit to the mansion felt nostalgic and shattering at the same time, she sees she doesn’t belong in this house but still indulges a little in this illusion, « wanting to fall for his trick even just for a little while ». Her expression made me feel for her for a little while too ;; 

This shot above is funny because the bokeh effect (✨ the little sparkles ✨) is used in the background every time but this time it plays in front of Sun-Ah’s view: she sees in Yohan and his mansion a « shining » thing she desired for a long time. The bokeh here served also as a transition to the flashback right after.

Well, it could just be the streetlights’ reflections on the car and me reaching but there are so many symbolic visual shots in this show already i just couldn’t dismiss it in my brain haha

I liked Sun-Ah’s depiction of her choice to go against Yohan: she drops the necklace (symbolizing Yohan, this scene followed by Yohan’s cross-like scar) and not herself, like she did in the past for/because of Yohan when she was a maid + Yohan’s reflection disappears, Sun-Ah only focusing on herself: the ‘us’ she wanted for some time disappeared. And this event makes Sun-Ah’s rage on K more upsetting than it already is, but maybe i’m reaching haha

This scene also shows Yohan and Sun-Ah want two different directions to their relationship: to use her and to have him reach the top by her side respectively. They both look at the mirror, but their focus is different and they’re set in different plans on the shots.

In My Mister, (SPOILERS) the wife has a serious affair with her husband’s superior, but throughout the drama, they have divergent opinions on their affair’s developments: the wife wanted to leave her husband and settle with her lover, while the latter didn’t think any of it and, among other plot reasons, only wanted her because married women are the ‘safest choice (ending the relationship while she still loves him would be more troublesome) and always kept the affair secret’. 

This was particularly symbolized by their song preferences, but also by this shot in the beginning of the series: after the wife shared her hopes about their relationship (and her lover staying most of the time silent), they both look to the distance (their affair’s metaphorical future) but their eyes almost never look in the same direction.

- « I did it because i need you (by my side?) », Sun-Ah and Gaon’s parallels:

"[To Gaon on ep. 8] I wanted you to be by my side.”

“[To Gaon on ep. 5] I don’t need you to understand, but you need to make a decision. Will you stand in my way … or stand on my side?”

"[To Gaon] If i needed to, i would’ve done something even worse. Whether it was switching him or something else.”

- When Elijah and Gaon play jenga, Yohan might have let the door to his bedroom open (even after leaving them the first time) to continue hearing them have fun in the living room. It parallels to the scene in ep. 5 where he watches them play in the garden with Kkomi through the little gap of his curtains: what piques his curiosity first is the playful conversation he hears from his bed even from the closed windows. The flashback explains it all and i’m glad Gaon insisted to have him play with them despite the front he tried to put on, Elijah’s and Yohan’s expressions in this scene ended me ;;

Look how quick he turned his attention to Gaon, as if he waited for something to happen, to get to play with them!! His eyes lit up in an instant i can’t with this —

I loved how Yohan delayed his defeat to Elijah by asking Gaon questions about the game hahah

Elijah and Yohan’s relationship growth here reminds me of 2 parallels i didn’t catch the first time (but the desperation i felt when Gaon left because everything could grow cold again between Elijah and Yohan):

“That’s everything i think about”:

Elijah getting in & out of the car (ep. 6-9):

- And Gaon’s « Once everything is over, i’ll definitely … » — you’ll definitely what, please tell the audienceeeeeeee ;;;; this screams a death flag for Soohyun (or was it just foreshadowing their confrontation in ep. 12? idek anymore haha), but let’s hope it’s not!!

- After CKH’s suicide: we can’t expect people to make perfect choices every time they are challenged, and i think this story shows it well: Soohyun when she was with Elijah, and now Gaon carelessly touching the minister’s body for the files. As judges, they could have searched the body and the room using a fabric to hide their presence. But they’re both shocked: Yohan looks dumbfounded, standing and watching (even though he’s quicker to react when he sees Soohyun and he puts on a composure at the house saying it was ‘nothing’, he looked very sour when Sun-Ah called him to rejoice in her death) and Gaon panic-stricken. The fact he might have relived his parents’ suicide when he discovered the Minister’s body … And in the worst way possible (in a daze, searching her dead body for her files and realizing he didn’t give the body minimum respect) … oof

At least Yohan could have thought about it since the story shows how prepared he is in his plans, but this scene shows even him is at a loss at what to do. After all, the minister was the way he targeted to bring everyone linked to the foundation down. They were so close, i think he was too convinced her « self-pity » would mean her survival despite everything (« Do you have any other options? ») to see what was coming. After all, when they last met, he saw she was about to shoot him. 

Sun-Ah was the only one he thought was ‘unpredictable’. When Gaon talked to CKH, he let him speak and approved his speech, surely thinking everything went along his plans and the minister would surrender. And i think that’s also why he gives Gaon all this speech, to reassure himself and them, since they work now as a team. 

- Ep. 9 foreshadowing ep. 11 and 12 (Soohyun facing Yohan and Gaon). It’s interesting how the two shots from ep. 9 seem to put on the same plan the three characters, as if Yohan is literally standing between Soohyun and Gaon, as if he was the one protecting/separating him from Soohyun. This is very telling of the whole dynamic between those three.

- When the minister said she didn’t want to clear her name regarding her son in the live but still does so anyway, this is pure preterition haha! It’s also why she reminds the public opinion the first case Yohan handled!

- Cha Kyung Hee’s demise (ep. 11-4 parallels):

(+ a cinematographic reference to the 2000 movie Malèna, which was recently used in Hwasa’s MV for the song Maria)

- The scene right after where Soohyun wipes Gaon’s involvement to the suicide was moving in regards to her character, we get to see how torn she is by this situation + when she faces off Yohan in the parking (and the ‘let go’ could also have referred to Gaon) … i felt bad for her!

- About Soohyun & the professor: I find interesting the way the professor and Soohyun shelter Gaon’s existence was clearly shown with these two episodes and through their rage. At the beginning of the drama, their hold on his life’s values and choices was almost impalpable but not anymore, now that they’re facing Yohan’s threat.

In these shots, Soohyun looks like she is covering Gaon’s ear, turning him away and protecting him from outside (from the pain, Yohan, the rest of the world).

And on professor Min’s part, it’s almost infantilizing, de-responsibilizing Gaon to say the least (« What are you making Gaon do? That child has been through so much. He suffered and struggled through the worst to get there. »), given he’s the one who planted him on the court’s bench to find what’s happening behind the scene: he could have asked Gaon for explanations (as Yohan underlined, « Did you hear it from Gaon himself? ») but he just snaps at him. He should have foreseen that he could’ve taken Yohan’s side. 

For his defense, his family just got targeted but still, it’s the first time Gaon came back since then!

(By the way, that whole conversation with professor Min confirmed to Yohan Gaon didn’t admit to their plan to Soohyun nor the professor)

As for Soohyun, her deep concern for Gaon makes her antagonize Yohan and, in her POV, it’s pretty understandable: her friend got locked up in this judge’s house for days with no phone or permission to go out + said judge seems to not let her niece go out with her new friends, got violent against Gaon + he seems to be plotting something behind the trials he biased + Gaon’s description of the man in the first episodes wasn’t that nice but DESPITE IT ALL her friend still seems to be empathizing with him? 

She’s maybe thinking he got manipulated by Yohan given the evil picture he depicted her & must feel helpless in front of Gaon’s sudden change of heart. I think that’s what she wanted to ask him when she got cut by the professor’s arrival. The lack of honest conversation between them is what’s making it worse: on one hand, Gaon goes to her every time he feels sad or confused to get comfort & advice without telling what truly is going on (or eventually telling her when she insists), on the other hand, Soohyun always tells him to give up his investigation on Yohan and never asks him his point of view to understand the situation. 

And she discovered he lied about him not being involved with this man in the worst way possible, finding him by CKH’s body with Yohan. He was her reason to dedicate her life to protect people under the law (he does not owe her anything in no way, but it was her wish), and she ended up dirtying her hands for him. Her gut reaction to her moral principles being violated by both Gaon and her right now is stronger than wanting to hear the truth from Gaon. She continues to investigate Yohan on her own, to protect him. It was interesting to see this sententious side when she confronted Gaon after all this! The only time Soohyun saw him cry and didn’t support him, it hits hard ;;

But i believe the whole crisis that’s happening by the end of ep. 12 will make them team up again at least for a while. And on that note, will she meet Sun-Ah? It would be interesting!

I’m glad the professor raised as a concern on the live trials the due process & fair trial, which are essential for the rule of law to prosper.   

In fact, the live trials slowly become a place of majoritarianism/ochlocracy/mob rule as the cases progress (the two best examples being the actor and Juk Chang cases), the protests against professor Min are another example. Even if Yohan has the last word on the defendant’s sentence, this issue is still there. 

Maybe the viewers’ voice will turn against Yohan one day?

- The minister … Even though the story showed us how cruel her family could be, i can’t help but feel sympathy for her son with her suicide. And that is accentuated by the fact her family’s grief is not even showed, covered by the mediatic chaos. She could have fled the country as her son suggested, but she thought she was « nothing » without her accomplishments and her path to glory. As the former president of the foundation killed by Sun-Ah’s hands, she died in her office as the Minister of Justice, while her image wasn’t torn to shreds yet. The photograph she held showed her at the center and, ironically, it’s the only figure from the photo who is clear-cut, her husband and her son are out of focus (or it could just be the episode’s image quality misleading me haha). Even though she loved them (well, at least in her manner, which was kind of narcissistic tbh), she cared too much for her success and her death was her act of self-pity.   

- This isn’t the first time Gaon was warned about Yohan and i find it interesting it’s the people closest to him that say that, especially K despite (or precisely because?) his loyalty to him. Elijah also warned him before.

- The whole argument … It’s a progression of ep. 5 & 8 scenes (’will you stand in my way or stand on my side?’ & ‘i wanted you by my side and if i needed to, i would’ve done something worse’). You can tell how desperate Yohan was when he reached out to Gaon. His gaze faltered, showing his hesitation to do it, but as the realization he was going to lose him dawned on him, this touch became a necessity in front of the exigency, making up for everything he couldn’t say out loud. It was a sad & hurtful mess. Yohan truly looked short on ‘arguments’ after Gaon’s question (‘what kind of monster am i turning into?’), he seemed to not even know what to say to make him stay, making him pause before talking about Soohyun. 

The way his eyes lit up, almost smiling, full of hope, when he finished laying his ultimatum and how he regained a composed expression, thinking Gaon would take his side maybe?

I didn’t catch it on the first time, but Gaon’s sadness to end/put a hold on their collaboration (thus their whole relationship, stepping out of his life) transpired through him weakly rejecting Yohan’s hand with his own hand sliding down the latter's arm, as if he was unwilling to let this life with the Kangs go. You can see it’s hard on him to leave with the tears in his eyes. 

I think Gaon’s response outran his thoughts, as a quick riposte, it was to make Yohan stop this. The way things went (well, it escalated QUICKLY), hurting him like that was the only effective way, and he knows it will hurt him: before saying Soohyun is his world, he tears up because of that (in addition to everything Yohan said and it was A LOT), and didn’t even have the strength/will to get angry like all the previous times: 

the fact Yohan laid this very ultimatum and wanted to persuade/manipulate him into thinking this was the only choice. Even if he knew Yohan would be capable of doing this since ep. 7-8 (”To achieve his goal, would he not use another man’s pain? If the devil really did exist among us.”), he got a confirmation and it still hurts.

+ the fact he knows he has to hurt him with something as much as hurtful before he takes it too far.

+ the fact he knows he can’t live in this house any longer because of this argument when he made all these memories with them.

And (let’s hope for it) if Gaon wants to show Yohan there’s another way out of this ultimatum, Gaon’s « Soohyun is my world » might be a counter ultimatum (‘to stay by your side, you’ll have to deal with my world because there must be another way, there is no question, or else you’ll have to deal on your own’). He’s still not said anything to Soohyun (well, he didn’t have the opportunity to anyway but even during their confrontation, when she asked for details, he said nothing) nor the professor, so maybe that’s it?

- « Of course it doesn’t matter to me, but … » ELIJAH NOOOOOOOO ;;;;;;;;; After Yohan, Elijah tries in her way to hold Gaon back — and she makes a valid point tbh (look at what happened by the end of the episode!), but seeing her putting all her efforts and realizing it’s failing is heartbreaking … Given the preview for ep. 13, please let me hope this conversation won’t be their last one!! 

- Utter devastation when the next scenes show how Gaon still shines even in his absence: the « You never apologize » + the scene with the nanny & Gaon’s last prepared meal + Gaon’s portrait by Elijah … ugh 

- Elijah’s painting game is too strong, can’t relate haha! I wish they could show the BTS for this painting, respect for the artist behind!!

- On metaphorical images, Gaon took care of the Kangs like he tended to his plants at home. On a regular basis, he provided them attention and care, making them lively as his plants got lush. On ep. 8, we got a shot of Elijah smiling at Gaon’s plants, sort of a confirmation she loved how their house became warmer since Gaon’s stay, which led her to open up to his uncle.

- Now they’re only four! It looks like the mafia game haha, i look forward (am i though?) to the day Sun-Ah sits by herself haha 

AND THIS MAN

This is true pig behavior, especially considering Sun-Ah’s past … I felt her reaction when he said all this bs to demean her, she had all her struggles with men thrown back to her face, soiled by these « jokes ». 

- The monsters, the abyss and Nietzsche:

« He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. », Nietzsche

- « I don’t care if humanity falls, as long as i have you two ». It was what he wouldn’t say to Gaon nor Elijah, and yet they’re his world! This sequence parallels Gaon’s inner wish when he leaves the Kang’s house + the flashbacks of his fond memories with the Kangs. Will Yohan give his vigilante ideals up for them? Will Gaon pursue this dream but in his own way that won’t threaten their « worlds »?

(Now we know what his whole world meant)

- The light from the chandelier (ie. their newfound family) is out of Yohan’s (metaphorical) reach, shown by its blurred silhouette, as if it’s gone from the room which regained its initial colder tones. But it’s not: once it’s made its way in the room, it remains and lingers, as a keepsake of the lost warmth. His fond memories with Gaon and Elijah flashed back through the window’s light.

On a similar note, Gaon’s room, albeit having warmer tones than the Kang’s ones since the beginning, looks dark too. The contrast with earlier episodes is clear. This reminds me of My Mister’s (SPOILERS) full shots of Lee Ji An’s room, getting warmer as she gets to know Park Dong Hoon, and losing all its fond colors when she has to leave for his sake. As if the room and inanimate objects were given life by their owner, imbuing them with their feelings. It becomes an outer expression of their feelings. Sorry for the rambling but i just love when they do that in fiction, and i think it sometimes leaves more impact to the viewers if emotions are conveyed through various angles (eg. through another character’s point of view, sounds, looks, the use of light i mentioned below, etc) ! 

- I wonder … since the flashbacks are giving us Gaon’s conscious point of view on this separation, was he awake when Yohan came back from his (forced) encounter with Sun-Ah? It’s a really minor point but it could be an interesting detail since this show always shows us there are some sides or spots to the stories we didn’t have yet! 

The jenga scene also flashed back but this time we see Gaon’s POV seeing Yohan’s smile & we got Gaon’s angle when Yohan had a nightmare in ep. 5: while from Yohan’s POV, Gaon’s irruption truly felt like an invasion of his intimacy (the quick succession of shots expressing his panic and defensive reaction), from Gaon’s POV only one angle showed the scene, the tension was conveyed only when Yohan slapped his hand away. 

We also got Yohan’s POV when he admitted to Gaon he needed him by his side (and a closer look at Gaon’s troubled expression)!  

- Ep. 5 and 11-12 parallels: 

Yohan’s tentative look at Gaon and Elijah playing outside, as if he wanted to join them like in ep. 11, the curtains mainly closed and only pushed by one of his hands. It let the daylight in his dark room through this sneak peek. 

But in ep. 12, the curtains are drawn, Yohan taking the (moon)light fully in. And this time, he doesn’t reach out to his late brother in the flames, but to the moonlight. He gets up, as in a trance, from his nightmare like the last time, but he goes to his window instead. And it reminds me of both Huckleberry Finn’s OST’s (in Tempest, « you said i’ll live in the sun / moonlight » and in The Nights, « my / your night shines on you / me »), the suffer is here. And see how the light reveals his tear? I nearly missed it!

The fact he could not find sleep anymore after this night + he slept on his sofa where the moonlight could be seen + has kept his phone right next to him (in case Gaon called him or to know if something happened to him) ➾ 🌝 pure devastation 🌝

- I really love the show’s use of light/dark tones to reveal and contrast its characters’ emotions! What you can’t see in the light gets revealed in the dark, and vice-versa. The OST The Nights touches on this subject as well. 

And it ties up very well to the plot so far: everyone has his or her own motivations and intentions, background, and makes choices, but depending on the perspective, their story changes and sparks off different reactions. Everybody’s story is interconnected. 

As @skylessnights pointed out, one of the books found during the series (when Yohan revealed his past to Gaon if i’m correct), The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, depicts this angle well in its plot and epigraph: « Never again shall a single story be told as though it were the only one. » - John Berger. 

When Gaon and Yohan go back to the mansion after CKH’s death, the route lights flash Gaon’s hands red, caught (literally) red-handed by Soohyun. He begins to recollect his recent memories of what just happened, and panics, short-winded, until Yohan touched his arm. He’s startled but calmed himself down, and we don’t hear him out of breath anymore. It’s interesting how the light’s focus was on Gaon’s hands, the core of his panic, until Yohan’s arm came into the light, as if our and Gaon’s attention went back to Yohan’s touch, his anchor in his panic, and begins to think clear-headed of what they had done. (btw, getting Phoenix Wright desperate vibes from Gaon’s pose haha)

Gaon’s emotions show when his phone lights up, trying to reach Soohyun again. 

When Yohan’s inner wish brings him back to their happy times, the end of the flashback shows a shot of his eyes dazzled by the light of these memories and back to the present, the light now gone out from his eyes.

Yohan’s reaction to Gaon’s cry in the prison yard in ep. 7: what i loved to see was how his restraint told more about the emotions he held back. The light shifting on his face revealed his jaw clenching & frowned brows, his glassy eyes and him averting his gaze, which he often does when he’s in front of sensitive topics and it’s too much.

+ other instances he looked away:

When Jinjoo decides to accept the foundation’s offer, she steps into the dark side of the room where the two chairmen are. Up till now, she stood where the light could reach her, away from them. It symbolically seals her involvement with the foundation, and by the end of ep. 12, it is confirmed by her message on behalf of the foundation (about the plague) displayed on the screens. By the way, i love the fact so much things unfold while we focus on Yohan and Gaon’s story!

On the subject of ‘subjective’ truths, examples, besides the flashback with the priest about Yohan in ep. 11, could be the truth behind the cancellation of the donation by Yohan or Sun-Ah’s fall from the window when she was a maid. We got Sun-Ah, Elijah, and then later Yohan’s point of view.

- I think Gaon tried to call Soohyun and not Yohan (though the subs say otherwise) because the contact above has the ‘thug’ nickname with the fist emoji! It made more sense, Yohan would’ve answered right away! But i believe he will have regrets/worries in the next episodes (Yohan and Elijah seem to be getting in real danger so maybe he’ll come back to save them).

- Metatextuality in The Devil Judge — Beauty and the Beast (written by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont & Disney’s 1991 animation movie)

I’ve always loved transtextual relationships between fictions, my french teacher in middle school gave us this passion haha! Ever since i read this interview translated by @deviljudge​, it’s true i’m getting more and more Beauty and the Beast vibes, especially from ep. 12’s argument (and the whole premise Belle got locked up in the mansion in the beginning)! The original fairy tale and Disney’s adaptation are both relevant, some plot points differ from one another (Belle’s sisters vs Gaston, the mansion personnel turned into living paraphernalia) even though the core of the fairy tale is left untouched but for the sake of this bit, i’ll use the 1991 movie because its inevitably longer format delves more into the fairy tale moral lesson.

(Cheesy time incoming haha) The beast lets Belle go see her father he knew she deeply cared about, and let her go because he realized he loved her. He thought she would never come back, but despite it all, she came back and saved him from Gaston. Belle (Gaon) broke the spell that was casted on the mansion (the Kangs and their loneliness, especially when Yohan said he’s tired of this house). Yohan fails at not hurting the people he cares about but learns step by step, by Gaon and Elijah's side, how to live again and reconnect with his ‘human’ side.

Even the secretary looks like the modern version of the whole cast in the Beast’s mansion (Cogsworth, Lumière, …) haha

The movie intro is self-explanatory: 

« Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind. But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast? »

Belle’s characterization in the movie is also interesting:

« With a dreamy, far-off look and her nose stuck in her book what a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle ». 

« There must be more than this provincial life (…) I want adventure in the great wide somewhere — I want it more than i can tell — And for once it might be grand to have someone understand — I want so much more than they’ve got planned » 

& when Belle got locked up in the mansion: « I’ve lost my father, my dreams, everything. » (similar to “Soohyun is my world”).

Gaon, since his parents’ death, lived his life believing in the illusion of justice the system gave him, along with Soohyun and professor Min, his two pillars who kept him steady this whole time. Once he was showed it was an illusion, he wanted to fight this world.

Before the movie’s climax, this conversation reminded me of ep. 12’s argument:

« - Belle? Are you happy here with me?

- Yes. [looks to the distance]

- What is it?

- If only i could see my father again just for a moment. I miss him so much.

- There is a way. This mirror will show you anything. Anything you wish to see.

- I’d like to see my father, please. [The mirror projects the image of his father in danger and sick] Papa. Oh no. He’s sick. He may be dying and he’s all alone.

- [Glances at the wilting rose] Then you must go to him. 

- What did you say?

- I release you. You’re no longer my prisoner.

- You mean i’m free?

- Yes.

- Oh, thank you. Hold on Papa, i’m on my way.

- Take [the mirror] with you, so you’ll always have a way to look back and remember me.

- Thank you for understanding how much he needs me.

(…)

- I let her go. 

- [Cogsworth] Yes, splen … You what? How could you do that?

- I had to.

- Yes but … Why?

- Because i love her. »

Yohan did nothing to hold Gaon back even if he needs him (as shown when he clutches his hands together after he left) because he was forced by Gaon to understand how precious Soohyun is to him, this point was already made multiple times in the series (when Gaon thought he was the one who pushed Soohyun in the stairs and already threatened him about it, when Gaon told him he couldn’t live as a conman in front of Soohyun and his parents). Since his ‘to have you by my side, i would have done worse if it was necessary’ + ‘this is a life or death situation, sacrifices are also necessary’, he seemed to think Soohyun was expendable in his own world, which he shared with Gaon. With this argument, his world looks definitely incompatible with the one Gaon described (« Soohyun is my world »), and even though they already went this far in their plan, he lets him go and respects his choice. Will it make him change for the better or for the worse? Will the whole ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ apply to him?

Other moments i found interesting to note:

« Come into the light »:

When Belle goes to save the Beast from the village:

« - Please, i know he looks vicious, but he’s really kind and gentle. He’s my friend. - - [Gaston] If i didn’t know better, I’d think you had feelings for this monster. - - He’s no monster, Gaston. You are! - - If you’re not with us, you’re against us. » (pretty similar to the professor’s rage in the hospital)

When Belle’s father goes to save her: « I don’t care what it takes. I’ll find that castle and somehow, i … I’ll get her out of there. » (when Soohyun talks about and to Yohan)

The Beast possessive behavior in the beginning of the story: « [To her father] She’s no longer your concern, take him to the village. » (similar to Yohan’s behavior towards Soohyun) & « [To Belle] The castle is your home now » (and towards Gaon)

A monster:

When the Beast observes Belle playing from afar:

- And i saw some Jane Eyre vibes (SPOILERS) from the whole fire haha + Wuthering Heights on Sun-Ah’s & Yohan’s mixed parts!

- And well … Sun-Ah’s character loosely reminds me of Simone in Nier Automata (which in itself is a reference to Simone de Beauvoir’s life and works), with the whole « I must become more beautiful / But he still won’t look my way », to whoever knows this game! 

- These thigh boots holy hell Sun-Ah!!!! i loved this outfit!

- As soon as he said he didn’t feel anything from his revenge, K got the biggest death flag in this episode, i can’t believe they did this to the poor boy … When i asked for more scenes THIS isn’t what i meant aaaaaaaaaa

- A very random and weird note: Yohan’s almost silent and held back pain by the end of the ep. 12 fits his character so far, as well as his ‘calm’ tears. Given his past, it’s as if he’s always kept his pain bottled up and quietly bears it all and almost never got the space to properly let it all out (he had his brother, but with their father, i think they didn’t have this ‘chance’).

- My sick mind thought Sun-Ah was going to bring Gaon to the scene just in time for him to witness Yohan getting shot, but i guess it will be when she will get in the Kang’s mansion again according to the preview (since she asked Juk Chang for a « favor », i think they’ll knock Gaon out  after beating him up for his own fun to leave him to Sun-Ah). Sun-Ah looked surprised when Jae-Hee shot him, so i guess only hurting K was part of the plan.

- The ‘I know i’m fucked’ look hahaha

+ the softer version:

- I now have BIG trust issues since these last episodes’ previews, and the cliffhangers kill me haha 

- On another note, i find it amazing how Ji Sung and Kim Min Jung keep that upsetting atmosphere whenever there’s a scene between them that involves them and skinship, but it still conveys Sun-Ah’s complex feelings for Yohan and Yohan’s interest in her! The soundtrack really does a good job to convey that mood as well!

- In conclusion: How Dramatic do you want these two episodes to be? The devil judge: Yes

[hopeswriting]

I meant to do a post about my thoughts on the Daily Life Arc now that I finished rereading it, but I can't seem to find the time and it's been a while now, and if I keep it up I'll forget what my thoughts are to begin with lol, so here's the long story short:

I know it's a long arc, as in it starts being boring and more or less unbearable past some point, because the "gag of the chapter" format only takes you so far, and not actually very far if Amano's humor doesn't work on you much, if at all. I don't think it's an arc you can reread right away/soon either, lest you feel that one flaw even faster.

And I felt it too, starting with the fourty-something chapters I felt like it was dragging on too much, though to be fair that probably had to do too with the fact I knew things much more interesting were coming after that.

Still, all that said, like, it's an enjoyable arc. Amano's humor happens to work on me, and she does it really well, and I liked reading the arc. There are some chapters where you're really asking yourself why they were written for lol, but even then you read it for the characters, and it somehow keeps you going.

And like, even though I think Amano could have seen the fact the comedy was going to turn repetitive and thus boring at some point, and try to diversify it or something, it's just how comedy/humor/gags works? Some jokes land and some doesn't, but for me at least a lot more of them worked than not.

The DLA is a good enough arc is what I'm saying.

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On than note and on the contrary, of course it's fine if you think it's a bad arc, to each their opinion, but personally I really don't agree it's an unnecessary one.

I'm saying this because apparently it's not uncommon to advice new fans to skip the arc and directly start with the Kokuyo one? (Or so I learned on TV Tropes anyway, this might or might not be still relevent/accurate.)

Now don't get me wrong, the DLA does fail to hook the readers to the story for the reasons stated above, I agree with that, but it literally introduces the main character? And all the other characters, and gets us to know them, and establishes the dynamics between them and why they're the way they are, and, though only in a more or less superficial manner (and more than less) by design of the arc's purpose (not being deep in any way lol), it still gives us an insight into the characters and why they're the way they are. A glimpse into the core of their personality, the "stakes" of their characters, the flaws they have to overcome.

And all that in the context of their daily life, so if you skip it to go directly to the arc that challenges them, you can't appreciate fully how they rise to the challenge, how it shows their growth or reasserts their core values. You can't know how much or what it means, for example, off the top of my head, to have Yamamoto sacrifice his arm to beat Ken, when only a year ago he tried to kill himself over his broken arm. Or Hibari losing against Mukuro, thus telling us how much of a real threat he was. Or Tsuna screaming at Lancia for having hurt his friends, anger on his face, clearly despite himself, that Dame-Tsuna.

All these just wouldn't hit you the same, and it'd be such a shame? I mean I guess the ones who start with the Kokuyo arc go back to read the DLA, or you could compromise like the anime did by splitting the DLA between more serious arcs, but like I said I personally don't find the DLA that bad, so I still wouldn't advice it lol.

Even if, I suppose, it'd mean they might give up on the manga somewhere through the DLA, but like? Some mangas just don't speak to you, and that's fine, and it'd be a little of a shame from my POV as a KHR fan, but still, no big deal.

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I'm still very impressed with how smoothly Amano went from a gag manga to a shonen one, and how she made it so the DLA still fits with the rest. I mean the sudden change in tone/stakes/etc is jarring, sure, but it's all based on stuff she introduced in the DLA, which she presumably came up with with no intention to ever make it something deeper/more meaningful.

It's easy to believe the foreshadowing, and generally speaking the worldbuilding was planned all along, which, again, probably not, and like? Super impressive.

(Though once more don't get me wrong, there are inconsistencies/plot holes in Amano's plotlines and worldbuilding, but not, like, at their seams, if I can say it like that? It's more often in the details, and it's fairly easy to fill in the blanks ourselves.)

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Finally it was a lot of fun to rediscover the characters in a new light, and a bit of a disbelieving surprise tbh.

For context before I started my reread of the manga, all this time I was going with the time I read/watched it years ago plus the times I skimmed it, but mostly by all the fanon I was consuming. And it's not to say fanon is wrong per se, but it latched on one to three character's traits, or slapped an easy character archetype on them easy to "relate" to within, and apparently never looked back lol. And also often dialed up those traits (good or bad) in a very noticeable manner.

What I'm saying is, fanon is, in fact, wrong sometimes zldnslsz, and the characters are much more nuanced even in the DLA! (Which still leaves us at a more or less superficial level, because, you know lol, but still!)

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To name the ones that stood out to me the most:

Nana isn't abused by Iemitsu, nor is she unhappy in her marriage despite Iemitsu being an absent husband (which is not relevent in the context of the DLA, but still, you can tell). She isn't an abusive mother to Tsuna either, and she is literally never an airhead. She literally just isn't, she actually does react very normally to the crazy Reborn brings with him, but much like Yamamoto as long as no one gets hurt (or walks it off), she just brushes it off.

And she has friends she goes listen to piano recitals with, and tries to save on money by eating rests, and gets in two-way arguments with Tsuna, and raises his allowance if he gets better grades to push him to work harder, and all around is just your average mom that really didn't read as just The Mom, if you know what I mean.

She has her flaws, definitely, she's not a great mom, namely is apparently used to call Tsuna Dame-Tsuna, but she's not just that.

She takes care of him, worries over him, and seems to be the only one who hasn't given up on him yet when the story starts. She supports him (though sometimes in a tactless to hurtful way), praises him when he does well, and trusts him to watch over the kids.

She's not that bad is what I'm saying, and 100% redeemable (that is, if you think she needs to be redeemed to begin with, which I actually do think she does, calling Tsuna Dame of all things is just a really shitty thing to do.)

(Though it's interesting to note that she doesn't do it again after what happened with Kyoko iirc, even if she might very well still talk to him in a belittling way at times. I just wish Amano would have commit fully to acknowledge it and resolve it, what with already having made it Kyoko's Dying Will Regret.)

(Edit: I had forgotten but she literally forgets his birthday while preparing someone else's birthday, so I take back that she is 100% redeemable because it's being too nice. But my point still stands.)

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Haru is literally such a fun character, it makes me even more sad now to know what Amano did with her (nothing ansknslq 😭😂).

She's unhinged, has zero impulse control, does not reflect on the consequences of her lack of impulse control as Tsuna points it out, is ready and willing to throw hands at any given moment and is unapologetic of it, and is the one Amano actually calls an airhead.

The only problem she had with the mafia is that she thought Tsuna was forcing it on Reborn, and when she confirmed it was all true she literally didn't even blink at it, and immediately called herself the future Decimo's wife djosdkkd.

On that note she is literally mafia right from her first appearance, is more or less involved in almost all the mafia shenanigans, was right there with Tsuna & Co when they went to destroy the Tomaso's headquarters.

And like?? Amano could just have left it at that if she wasn't going to do anything else/more with it. Haru had so much potential, and not only Amano did nothing with it, she actually watered her down and took away all her distinct character's traits 😭.

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Hibari is so much more feral and playful than his fanon cool, overpowered, quiet badass counterpart. Which I love too, don't get me wrong, but these two sides of him don't have to be exclusive!

He talks and smiles and jokes often, and shows off and casually insults you, and licks the blood away from his lips after having beaten bloody other middle schoolers who dared to defy him (I know this happens in the Kokuyo arc, but it illustrates my point the best).

Not much more to add than that, we should just acknowledge that and put it in our works more often.

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Gokudera is a compelling character from the get go, and as far as the DLA goes, he's the most compelling character second to Tsuna. He's the only one to actually have flashbacks and a backstory. And what stood out to me the most that I don't see often in fanon, is that he's really a good friend.

Yes he has a short fuse and snaps easily and is easy to anger, but he's not always angry. And is seen having and being capable of positive exchanges outside of Tsuna (I'm thinking Yamamoto namely, who's made with Ryohei to be the one he gets angry with the most).

And yes he holds Tsuna on a pedestal and sees him through heavily tinted pink glasses, but even through that he's earnestly a good friend. And tries his best, and is hardworking and overachieving, so much so he messes up without meaning to, but he only ever has honest, straight-forward good intentions behind it all (well, maybe not always lol).

I love him a lot more now is what I'm saying.

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And Tsuna. I'm not sure I'll be able to articulate my thoughts properly, but like... he's just your average teenager. Which of course is his whole thing, and I'm saying it in a very not judgy way whatsoever, but he's often made to be at least a little more than that, namely about his bullying.

Like, it's kind of dramatised in fics? And I'm not going to elaborate on that more because it might come out wrong and I don't want that, but it's just, like—canonically he is just bullied, simple as that. Like many other teenagers are.

And it's all in a "chill" way (for unfortunate lack of a better word, I don't mean to trivialize bullying at all, it's wrong and unfair and never deserved or okay, just so we're clear), and by the time the story starts Tsuna is used to it and has given up fighting against it, and actually finds refuge and a twisted comfort in embracing his Dame-Tsuna's monicker, because at least he's not gonna hit rock bottom deeper than that if he does.

And I'm not actually going anywhere with this, it's just? It hit me how differently canon and fanon portray his bullying.

Back on the note of him being a (below) average teenager, Tsuna is not an uwu pure cinnamon roll too good for this world.

He's literally so quick to judge and criticise, whether in his head or out loud when he knows more the person (namely Haru lol, poor girl), it was actually a bit of a shock tbh lol. He snaps easily, and is lazy, does not want to try even one bit, and is happy to run away from his responsibilities whenever he can.

And not only I'm not saying that in a judgy way this time either, but I'm actually saying it in a good way. He really felt like your average middle schooler, and it was so refreshing to see. That, plus the fact the narrative never holds it against him, let alone punishes him for it even if he's made to grow out of these traits, and it's literally part of his character arc, is kind of unique for the shonen genre (maybe, I'm not exactly a specialist of shonen mangas lol).

And I can see why you'd want to change it in fics, but personally I think it really makes his character's arc even more meaningful.