#meanwhile when she danced with cassian she couldn’t stop her smile <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[nestastits]

Everytime someone tells me about the “chemistry” in the neris dance scene I side eye. Like your “fav girl” Nesta was faking how she felt/how she acted while dancing with eris so Rhys’s plan would work and she managed to gaslight 70% of her fans along with eris 💀

[modernbookfae]

Arm Spans

Feyre and Nesta have an intriguing conversation leading Nesta to wonder more about what she is feeling for Cassian. Meanwhile Cassian is planning a trip to the mountains where the cabin is. This is a trip that the inner circle makes, but Cassian wonders if someone else would be willing to join.

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

“So are you dating yet or not?” Feyre asked while sipping her tea in the coffee shop.

Nesta rolled her eyes. Of course her sister would jump to that question.

“I don’t hear you denying it,” Feyre leaned closer with a grin.

“You also didn’t hear me confirm anything either,” Nesta paused. “Perhaps what you heard was a thing I like to call mind your own business.”

Feyre laughed. “Come on Nesta! It’s been weeks since the dance and I swear the tension between you and Cassian has been growing by the minute!” Feyre set her cup down. “You even went over to his house to learn how to bake those brownies that all of us love. He never would even give us the recipe yet you got to have your own little baking session with him.”

Nesta took a long drink of her tall coffee. She needed it at this rate. “As I recall you and the rest of the inner circle go to Cassian’s apartment for meals too. I don’t see you hounding Azriel asking him if he’s Cassian’s boyfriend. In fact Mor mentioned that Azriel is the only one that Cassian lets handle the meat in the kitchen.”

Feyre choked on her drink and coughed roughly as she swallowed her hot tea.

Meanwhile Nesta smirked knowing the full effect her words intended.

“I’ll give you points for that,” Feyre rubbed her eyes at the forming tears. Whether those tears came from coughing or the urge of holding in laughter was unclear to Nesta.

“Maybe I should call Cassian and ask if he is already taken?” Nesta reached for her phone, but Feyre waved her hand.

“No need,” Feyre said with a hint of a smile. “We already know that there is only one person that Cassian wants to handle his meat and it’s not Azriel.” Feyre waggled her brows and Nesta couldn’t bite back the chuckle that escaped her lips.

“Okay fine, but seriously Mor mentioned something about-,” Nesta’s voice trailed off before she whispered the final words. “Male appendages and how Azriel’s is the biggest of Rhysand and Cassian.”

“We all know that,” Feyre shrugged.

“What?!” Nesta’s eyes widened and dropped her voice back down at the stares she received. “You mean that the guys told you or…? I know Mor would have an idea about Cassian’s, but I doubt she has seen Rhysand or Azriel in that state of…undress to make a comparison.”

“You can tell by their arm span,” Feyre spread her arms wide as if they were wings. “The larger the arm span, the larger other…parts are.”

“You’re joking,” Nesta said deadpanned. When Feyre didn’t say anything Nesta shook her head in disbelief.

“So since Azriel has the biggest…arm span,” Nesta rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the words. “Who has the smallest?”

Feyre sipped her tea, but the coy smile was visible enough.

“Never mind,” Nesta shook her head. “Forget I asked. I do not need to know that answer.”

“Are you sure about that?” Feyre cheekily smiled. “Don’t think you’ll wonder about Cassian’s arm span anytime soon?”

“I don’t plan on fact checking the arm span theory anytime in the near future,” Nesta took another drink. “We haven’t established what this is between Cassian and I.”

“Let me make it easier for you, because I’ve had experience between myself and a man I was blind to see I loved.” Feyre rested her chin on her hand as she considered Nesta. “He loves you. Madly to the point it is driving us mad that he took this long even getting to this point with you. And you love him. More than you’re willing to admit aloud.”

Nesta ran her index finger on the coffee lid. She said nothing to deny what Feyre deduced.

“Why don’t you start a relationship with Cassian?”

“It’s going to sound cliché, but it’s complicated,” Nesta’s eyes were trained on her cup. The finger still tracing invisible patterns on the white plastic.

“All relationships are complicated in some way,” Feyre explained. “But you need to take a chance and let someone be there for you. To be vulnerable with one another.”

“No,” Nesta abruptly stated. “I won’t be weak like that.”

“Weak? Nesta it’s not about being weak enough to trust someone. You have to be strong to do that. Letting someone in isn’t easy and you know that more than anyone.”

“You’re right I do know what happens when you let down your defenses for just a second,” Nesta gripped her cup tightly. Imagining it gripping Tomas’s wrist years ago and trying to tear it away from her body has he ripped her shirt.

A hand touched Nesta’s hand and she flinched back hard enough to startle Feyre who froze. Hand still outstretched on the table.

“Nesta,” Feyre drifted off with concern clear in her grey eyes.

“I should get going,” Nesta stood. “There are still groceries that need to be bought.”

“Nesta wait,” Feyre rose from her chair and followed her sister out onto the cold Prythian streets. The weather had changed drastically this past week and soon snowfall was predicted.

The sisters weaved through the weekend crowds until Feyre pulled Nesta to a stop near a shop window away from the sidewalk traffic.

“You need to talk about this Nesta,” Feyre said.

“What is there to talk about?” Nesta glanced at her phone and made it obvious that she wished to be elsewhere.

Feyre let out a heavy breath. “I understand what it’s like. To feel trapped and there’s no way out.”

Nesta looked at her sister. She knew where this was likely leading and it left a crippling stab in her heart to know about Feyre’s dark time after Amarantha. A span of months where she was hurt both physically and mentally until Rhysand and the inner circle helped pull Feyre out of that darkness.

“For months I suffered in silence or had my voice taken away by people who were blind to my pain,” Feyre continued. “Rhys helped me get me back on my feet when it seemed like no one else would. It didn’t mean I was weak to rely on another person, but it helps to know someone will be there to pick you up when you stumble or fall onto hard times.”

“Thank you Feyre for your words of wisdom,” Nesta clipped out. It wasn’t that she was trying to sound rude, but she didn’t want to go down this path. Not today and not ever if she had anything to say about it. “I should get going though.” Nesta turned to leave until Feyre’s next words stopped her.

“Don’t let Tomas win,” Feyre said. “If you let that bastard haunt your life then you’ll never be able to see the dreams that are right in front of you to take.”

Nesta glanced back.There was no way Feyre could know about what Tomas did. Nesta had never told a soul. Feyre’s determined look did not waver as Nesta stared back.

They were two sisters caught in different places of their lives. One that had survived and thrived from her ordeal while the other was still battling with her own.

“Tell Rhys and the others I say hello,” Nesta said. “And thank you for meeting me today.”  Nesta strode away as her sister. Feyre didn’t hold it against her. She was the same way with Rhys and the others when she was recovering from Amarantha. Feyre only hoped that Nesta would open up her walls soon.

Almost an hour later Nesta was in the grocery store with a small basket of items. She would have to carry what she bought on the subway so she made sure to only take items off the shelf that her and Elain needed this week.

She rounded an aisle corner and bumped into a cart with multiple items inside.

“I’m sorry,” Nesta said automatically. “I didn’t see-” She glanced up and saw who was pushing the cart.

Cassian’s perplexed look quickly took on a more happy expression at the sight of Nesta.

“What brings you here?” Cassian asked with a smile.

Nesta held up a gallon of milk. “I imagine the same thing that brought you here.” She glanced at his cart of groceries. “Although I didn’t think you shopped in this area.” This grocery store was located on the southern end of Prythian. Nesta couldn’t imagine Cassian would drive across the city just to stock his refrigerator.

“I was in the area to buy some supplies for a trip to the cabin,” Cassian said. “There is one store that sells outdoor gear a couple blocks away that I always buy from so I figured I could also pick up a few things to make meals this week.”

Nesta looked at the cart that had enough food to fill a small army. She raised her brow at Cassian. “Your definition of a few is different from mine I think.”

Cassian laughed drawing people’s attention nearby. Some women kept their eyes lingering on his handsome form. An emotion rose up in the pit of Nesta’s stomach as she shot a quick glare at the ogling women. Finally they stopped staring and went about their business.

“I’m a growing boy Nesta,” Cassian interrupted her stare down. “I’ve got to keep up with my body’s needs.” The simmering look he gave Nesta made her wonder if his body had other needs. Ones that involved her and him…

Nesta rolled her eyes banishing where those thoughts were leading. “Perhaps it’s your small mind that needs to keep up.” Nesta smiled softly.

“I can’t help it when my mind is distracted by other things,” Cassian pushed his cart forward to stand beside her. “Especially when those things involve a woman who wields words of steel.” The distance between them was so close that they almost touched. Nesta leaned closer to Cassian’s warmth, but before she could brush his arm a loud cough was heard behind them.

Nesta and Cassian turned to see a man waiting to pass through the end of the aisle with his cart. Of course Cassian’s own cart was blocking the way.

“Sorry about that,” Cassian’s arm wrapped around Nesta’s shoulder and he smiled innocently at the annoyed man. “We were just talking, but we’ll move.”

“I’m sure that talking is all you were planning on doing,” The man grumbled as he pushed his cart by once Nesta and Cassian moved forward.

“Thanks for getting us into trouble,” Nesta whispered at Cassian whose arm was still holding onto her shoulders.

“Me? As I recall I was distracted by the most lovely lady in the store,” Cassian said and continued pushing his cart with Nesta walking with him.

“Charming,” Nesta chuckled. “But not enough to get yourself out of this situation.”

“What do you mean?”

“I imagine that man will be ranting for hours about how the younger generation doesn’t understand the concept of how blocking an aisle is against common courtesy.”

“Well I couldn’t be impolite to a lady and not give her some of my time,” Cassian responded with a smile playing on his lips. “What a terrible thing if you didn’t get to see this handsome face today.”

“A tragedy for sure,” Nesta shook her head with a brief laugh escaping her lips. The two walked together for the last food aisles. Cassian still kept his arm around Nesta and she leaned slightly into his body. She doubted he would notice, but to her it eased worries of the day by precious fractions.

They self-checked out their purchases when Nesta claimed it was much quicker than letting an employee go through them. Cassian only laughed stating that perhaps Nesta just didn’t want to socially interact with another human.

“I just hate small talk,” Nesta shrugged and began sliding her items across the scanner. Cassian also began checking out, but his took a longer time due to the quantity of products in his cart.

Nesta was unsure if she should leave or wait. It was obvious that he was heading home after this and she too needed to leave and catch the subway. But any extra moments with Cassian sounded more appealing as Nesta thought about it.

She helped him place the bags back in the cart and walked outside in the parking lot. It was only about five blocks to the subway station. Nesta began to say goodbye to Cassian.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Cassian pushed his cart after her when she finished her farewell.

“Home of course,” Nesta replied.

“Carrying all of that?” Cassian looked at her own grocery bags on her hand.

“There’s only four and a gallon of milk. I can handle it,” Nesta said and hefted her arms up and down to show how easy it was. “Looks like you’re training paid off. I imagine I can challenge the other gym members to a grocery bag lifting contest and win.”

“I doubt most of the men there even know how to shop for groceries, but there’s no sense of you carrying those when I can drop you off.”

“There’s no need to do all that-”

“Nesta would you honestly rather ride the subway carrying those bags than accept a ride?”

Nesta bit her lip. She knew hitching a ride with Cassian would be the easier option. And the most preferable. She still didn’t want to impose on him when he had his own tasks to deal with today.

“I don’t want you to make a drive that’s out of your way,” Nesta said.

“It’s more than fine sweetheart,” Cassian reached down and grabbed the gallon of milk from her hand. “Besides that means I get to spend more time with you.” He gave her a wink and Nesta resisted the sudden urge to kiss him right there in that busy parking lot.

They walked down the rows of vehicles until Nesta spotted his vehicle. They loaded up the groceries in the back end of the SUV before sliding into the front seats.

Nesta had to give Cassian directions considering didn’t know the roads that led to her apartment from the store.

“How is Blaze by the way?” Nesta asked when Cassian had entered familiar roads.

“He’s doing great. Loves all the attention my neighbors give him when we go out jogging.” Cassian stopped at an intersection waiting for the light to turn. “But his excitement is nothing compared to the times when you visit.”

“I’m just glad I can stop by once in awhile to see him,” Nesta leaned back in her seat. “So what do you plan on doing with Blaze though while you are on your trip in the mountains?”

“Are you offering to the pet sit?” Cassian’s mouth quirked in a smile.

“I would if I could, but the land owner’s won’t allow Blaze for even one night,” Nesta sighed. She would gladly take Cassian up on the offer to keep Blaze while he was away.

“There’s no need to sound disappointed,” Cassian drove forward as the light changed. “I plan on taking Blaze with me when we go. With Rhysand, Feyre and the others going also Blaze is sure to be well-taken care of.”

“It will be his first time in the snow without a fence caging him in,” Nesta thought aloud.

“Three days of it out in the wilderness,” Cassian agreed with excitement. He always loved the outdoors. It felt right to be among the trees and fresh air with the sounds of the mountain greeting him.

“So what exactly do you all plan to do up there?” Nesta’s curiosity seeped in.

“We mainly go just to escape the busy city life and the pressure of our jobs. In the winter we snowboard and ski. Sometimes we will go to this little village that isn’t too far from the cabin and spend hours there. Most of the time we relax at the cabin in front of the fireplace and TV to talk with each other.”

“It sounds like a wintery escape from civilization,” Nesta said.

Cassian shrugged. “Pretty much, but we still have electric and all those sort of things at the cabin. It’s mainly a tradition that we shared since we were kids.”

Nesta’s apartment came into view and Cassian parked the vehicle.

“When do you plan on going on your trip?” Nesta opened her door.

“A little over a month from now,” Cassian answered and made his way to help Nesta with her groceries.

“I got this,” Nesta held her bags and milk. “I’m a big girl that can carry her own food up a couple flights of stairs.”

“I’ve got plenty of muscles to help though,” Cassian spread his arms wide. “Just imagine how many bags I can carry on each arm like this.”

Nesta blinked. The sight of his arm’s stretched out made her think about her earlier conversation with Feyre. The larger the arm span, the larger other…parts are.

A heated blush started forming on Nesta’s cheeks. She tried to banish those thoughts from her head even though it was practically impossible.

“Thanks Cassian, but I won’t hold you up any longer,” Nesta quickly walked forward before mental images flooded her mind. Before she left she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. His stunned expression made her laugh without restraint. “What’s with that look?” Nesta breathed out between laughing bouts.

“You’re...incredible,” Cassian said watching her in awe as she laughed. It was perhaps the first time he had ever seen Nesta laugh without a care in the world. He wanted to hear that sound more often.

Nesta paused as she heard Cassian’s words. He looked down at her with his hair pulled back into a bun so she could clearly see his face. Nesta had never been looked at like the way he was seeing her with those hazel eyes. She gulped and fought down the need to reach out for the warmth of his hand to let her know this was real.

Cassian coughed noticing he had been probably staring at her for too long considering the way she had gone silent. “If you ever need a ride or anything feel free to call me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Nesta gave him a faint smile. “See you next week for training?”

“Of course,” Cassian said turning to watch her walk across the street. The temptation to run after her and kiss her on the lips in return was rising. At the very least he should have asked her to join him and the inner circle on the mountain trip. She may not have been able to work it into her schedule, but he wanted her to know the offer was there.

I’ll ask her next time I see her.

Cassian got into his vehicle and sat there for a moment. His hand drifted to the spot on his cheek where Nesta’s lips kissed him. He would have thought they would be cold from the weather outside, but instead warmth had seeped into his skin at her faintest of touch.

He ran his fingers across the fading warmth, but the memory would be burned into his mind.

[feyre-archerons-scrapbook]

Broken Wings & Mended Hearts - Chapter 6

A Nesta x Cassian Fic (Nesta’s POV) Chapter 6/?

Finally! This chapter took quite a while to get right, and I just really hope you all enjoy it!

This story takes place after the events of ACOMAF, and revolves around probably my favourite pairing; Cassian, my beautiful Illyrian warrior, and Nesta, now High Fae herself. 

Previous chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Find me on AO3

“What are you thinking?” Mor asked Rhysand, as she leaned forward and clasped her hands around her knee.

He paused. His eyes - which I only just noticed were violet – scanned every face in the room, lingering on each of us in turn. Then he spoke. “I don’t know how her making has affected her, exactly, but I…” He focused on me, and I felt a tingling down my spine. “I believe, Nesta, that when you swore revenge against the king…” He stopped again, observing my face as the moment came flooding back to me. “I think the cauldron may have picked up on that…it may have listened.”

“In what way?” I probed.

“Well…” Amren rose from her chair and stood beside her High Lord. She clasped her hands together in front of her and continued, her voice softer than I would have expected, “Legend has it that the cauldron takes the essence of the mortal, and uses that to decide how to,” she winced lightly, “How to remake them.”

“Goodness,” Elain whispered.

“It will use your own personality, your own traits, to create a unique Fae version of yourself. So, it would stand to reason that you will be different to, say, myself, or Mor, or even Elain.”

“How might I be…different?” my sister asked. Her eyes were shiny with tears. I imagined that this was all quite overwhelming for her.

Rhysand smiled at her, “We won’t know the depths of your changes until we begin training, but I would be surprised if, for example, you were a warrior. I don’t think that’s in your personality.”

Elain looked a little disheartened at his words. Did she want to be a warrior? I gulped and rested my face on my hand. Cassian walked slowly behind the chairs and squeezed my shoulder. I could sense him gazing at me, as his broken wings cast a comforting shadow over me, but I didn’t move. “So how will the training tell us the cauldron’s effects?”

“It should be relatively straight forward to work out, once we get started,” Azriel chipped in, as he came round to sit next to Mor. She patted his hand and smiled cautiously, which he reciprocated. “As you train and learn, your body and mind will naturally push any capabilities to the front, to aid you in some way.”

“Whatever they may be,” Amren added. “If you have a talent for, say, taking care of things; plants, animals…that kind thing, you might find that making sure others stay alive is engrained in you, like a mission.”

Elain cleared her throat. “Do you mean…healing?”

“Possibly.”

I dropped my hands and surveyed the deep, angry-looking cuts on my palms. I traced a finger along them and felt nothing…how could I not feel anything? My heart thumped in my chest.

“You may have already begun showing signs,” Rhysand said, his eyes fixed on me and his voice bordering on accusatory in my ears. “Now we need to pinpoint what they are, and then harness them.”

It suddenly occurred to me that none of us had mentioned the one person missing from this conversation. “Is this what you did with Feyre? Trained her, coaxed these abilities out of her?”

Mor dropped her head and breathed a sigh. I could sense the strain between the members of this circle. They missed her. A chair beside the High Lord’s was empty, and no one else wanted to sit in it.

“Yes,” Rhysand replied, “But she was different, in that she was made by all seven High Lords, rather than the cauldron…” He stopped, and I wondered if this was the first time he’d thought of his mate this evening. I doubt it, she’s probably all he’s thought about.

Amren continued, “Because of this, her abilities were not decided by the Gods, but rather inherited from each High Lord.”

“So she…she has seven gifts?”

Rhysand puffed his chest out and nodded. “Maybe more.”

I shirked off Cassian’s touch and rose to my feet, “And which one did you give her?”

Rhysand looked confused. “I don’t know why this is relevant to our conversation, but I gave her the power of the Daemati.”

“The what?” I frowned. He scowled at me, and I realised my mood was slipping, again.

“Daemati can walk into another’s mind and…stroll around -”

“Stroll around?” I scoffed. “Can they read it?”

He bobbed his head once. “Yes.”

“My sister can read minds?” Elain gulped.

I glanced down at her, then returned my attention to him. “Can she…can you, damage a mind, as well?”

“If I wanted to.”

I took a step back, my heart suddenly pounding. “Would I know, if you walked into my thoughts?”

“Yes.”

I pulled a face that clearly showed I didn’t believe him. I felt sick. These people could read minds? No wonder I’d always been afraid, I had good reason to be! All that power, all that opportunity to do harm! My eyes searched the room, and I felt my heart thumping against my chest. “So you could just take a quick look around my brain, if you wanted to?”

“Nesta,” Rhysand said lightly, ignoring the question. “How do you feel, right now?”

I glared at him, whilst the eyes of every other person focused on me. “I’m fine,” I said, through gritted teeth.

“You’re angry, aren’t you?”

“No.” I was.

“You’ve been angry with the world for a long time, Nesta, and now you’re angry and scared of me…of us -”

“Don’t tell me how I feel, Rhysand.” His name fell from my lips with such aggression, I heard Elain gasp.  

“I’m not,” he sighed, “This is important to think about, though, Nesta. There is a strong chance that the cauldron has grasped hold of that anger, that fire within you, and concentrated it.”

I shook my head, biting down on my lower lip. My hands were shaking. “I don’t want it,” I mumbled, “I don’t want my worst qualities to become the entirety of my being.”

“That’s not what’s going happen,” Rhysand responded, “You will learn how to control anything that changes or develops, and you have everything you need here to deal with this.”

I scoffed. “I am a mortal, trapped inside the body of an immortal. I’m heaven knows how far away from my home, my life…I don’t have anything. Meanwhile, as a male born with magic, it’s easy for you to talk.”

“Nesta,” Cassian whispered as he walked towards me, and stopped Rhysand from answering, “You have me…my friendship. I told you we’ll get through this, whatever happens. Your abilities will be incredible.”

He opened his arms ready to pull me into a hug, but I slapped them away and stepped backwards. Tears began to well up in my eyes, but I saw his face, filled with sorrow, as I spoke, “No! I don’t want any of them! I don’t want to be like my sister…I can’t do it! Get them out of me!”

Rhysand spoke infuriatingly softly, his voice full of empathy. “We will help you with your transition. You are not alone in this, Nesta.”

My mouth dropped open, but I couldn’t speak. It felt like I had been overruled by my emotions, like I was an unwilling passenger as my body was consumed with fury. I knew there was no reason for me to suddenly turn on these people, heaven knows, I truly was grateful for their help, but that fiery anger that had bubbled up back in Cassian’s room, that had left me bleeding…it was seeking an outlet, and it had chosen this moment.

Cassian tried once more to move towards me; his hazel eyes so beautiful, so pleading. I wanted to stand still and let him reach for me, I wanted him to pull me into his arms and protect me, from nobody but myself, but I couldn’t do it. My feet slid back, taking me out of his grasp.

“I don’t want to be here.” The words stung my lips. Cassian’s face was ashen.

Mor looked at me like I’d just slapped her across the face, and dropped her head on Azriel’s shoulder, whilst Amren dropped her hands on her hips and gazed up at the ceiling.

Rhysand tipped his head to the side and breathed, “You’re safe here.”

“Am I? Are any of us? Where’s Feyre, right now?” I glared at him, “Hmm? Where is she?” I looked at my sister, flames dancing in my eyes. “Where’s Lucien? They’re in the home of that man-beast, who traded everyone’s safety for a woman who hates him!” My shoulders heaved.

The High Lord of the Night Court sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I expected him to snap back at me, to scold me for speaking about my sister so flippantly, but he remained composed. “You are expecting everything to happen immediately.” I could tell his patience was wearing thin, of course, and I didn’t blame him one bit. I was exhausted with myself, trapped inside this body that didn’t feel like mine, certainly didn’t look entirely like mine. I had been stolen from my home, made into this…angry thing.

I suddenly realised I’d not laid my head down for real rest since it happened. My heavy eyes expelled a few tears as I looked at Rhysand and stuttered, “I…I need to sleep. I need to get away from this conversation.”

“Very well,” he said. Cassian went to inch forward again, but Amren held out her arm in front of the wounded General and shook her head once.

Our eyes met, and I begged him silently to give me space, whilst staying close. I didn’t want to push him away. He dropped down onto one of the chairs and placed his palms together, as if in prayer, and I could’ve sworn he gave a subtle acknowledgement of my request.

Mor stood up and looked at her High Lord, “I’ll show her to her room.”

“I’ll go too,” Elain said, collecting Lucien’s jacket and walking around the back of the chairs.

Rhysand smiled at her and turned back to me, placing his long beautiful fingers on my arm. “I know it’s a lot to take in, Nesta, but I promise, you will be all right. We will teach you how to control this.”

I nodded half-heartedly and walked past him, Cassian, Amren, and Azriel, who stood up as I went by, offering me a sympathetic smile. Even now, after that display of ungratefulness, of attitude, these people were still willing to offer kindness to me. In that moment, I felt like the last few hours hadn’t happened. The memory of sitting on that kitchen counter top, laughing with Cassian seemed like peering into someone else’s life.

Maybe my Fae ability was to spread misery. It certainly felt like it.

I left the room with the sound of heavy sighs and frantic whispers of Cassian and the others lingering my ears, and headed down a hallway painted in warm earth tones. Elain and Mor walked ahead, talking quietly, whilst I trailed behind, my arms wrapped around myself, trying to keep my emotions at bay.

Where the hell did that come from, Nesta?

I had no idea. It felt like someone had lit a firework and run away before it sparked into ferocious life. Were there two people living inside my taller, slender frame? If Rhysand had told me that was possible, I would’ve believed him, entirely.

As we turned and headed up a wide, black marble staircase, I watched Mor’s blonde, wavy hair sway gently from side to side down her back, the effect hypnotising, and then looked down at my hands again. The bloodied lines seemed to swirl clockwise for a moment. Why hadn’t I felt any pain back there? I touched the cut beneath my left index finger, pressing down hard. Nothing. I took a deep breath and pushed my thumb against another cut.

“I can’t feel pain.”

Mor ground to a halt and spun round to me, her features covered with worry. “What did you say?”

“I…” I lifted my head away from my hands and whispered, “I…I can’t feel any physical pain.”

Both she and Elain stepped right up to me, and my sister grabbed my hand, holding it steady. “Nesta, where did those cuts come from?”

“Me…” I pulled my hand out of her grasp. “I did them by accident, earlier. Why can I not feel anything?”

Mor tried to make her face look as serene as it normally did, but failed miserably. She was worried. “I will look into it, all right? We will find out, I promise.” Her last few words were so rushed, so tacked-on that it left me with no feeling of comfort whatsoever.

She placed a hand on my arm and flicked her head over her shoulder, to where two floor to ceiling black doors stood facing each other. “Go to your rooms, settle in, and I will be back, soon.”

I rolled my lips, and inspected my hand again. This should hurt…shouldn’t it?

Mor moved back a step and rocked on her heels. “Elain, your room is on the left, Nesta’s is on the right. I hope you like them.” She almost winced as she spoke. This should’ve been a good moment, giving us our own spaces, but I’d put a dampener on things.

I didn’t want to seem completely ungrateful, though, so I walked side-by-side with Elain, and smiled at her as best I could, before we both opened the heavy doors to our rooms.

I gasped. It was a beautiful space, there was no denying it. I stepped inside and took everything in; the room was a deep shade of purple, with columns of white marble breaking up the darkness, just like in Cassian’s room; and mirrored glass furniture, decorated with intricate whirls of black and silver made the already vast room feel infinitely larger.

The wrought iron bed – my bed – stood proud in the centre of the room, draped in rich purple velvets. The entire far wall was floor-to-ceiling glass, and, with the plum curtains tied back with black velvet sashes, the twinkling stars of the night sky merged seamlessly with the ceiling of the room, which was covered in a mural of stars. It would be as if I were sleeping outside.

I turned around to find Mor in the doorway, her teeth clenched, waiting for me to tell her I hated it.

“I…I love it,” I whispered.

She released a loud breath and slammed her hand against her chest, giggling, “Oh thank goodness! I was in charge of arranging these rooms for you both, so I’m glad you like it.”

“I do.” I walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I hope you will be happy…happier…here, soon. When everything is un…under control.”

We parted, and I smiled as best I could.

Mor’s face suddenly became serious, her smile melting away. “Can you feel anything now?”

I pressed my thumb against a cut on my palm once more, and waited for a sensation; dull, sharp…anything. I shook my head. “No, nothing.”

“I will talk to the others.”

And with that, she gave me one final smile and turned on her heel.

An hour or two later, and I couldn’t sleep. I’d been in Elain’s room since Mor left. When she’d welcomed me in, I was taken aback by how different her room was; it was decorated in warm peach tones, with flowers of various co-ordinated hues sitting in glass vases on every available surface. Whilst my furniture was dark, or mirrored, hers was white and very elaborate. Mor got both rooms just right.

I talked with my sister for a while, both of us sitting on the bed, and was relieved to notice that the jacket had disappeared.

“Where have you put it?” I asked.

She pointed at the armoire opposite her bed. “I hid it in there,” she sighed, “I know you don’t like seeing it.”

“It’s not like that, Elain…I’m just worried that you’re putting so much emphasis on this male you’ve known for all of thirty seconds.”

She tipped her head to one side and looked at me with piercing eyes, “He was kind to me, Nesta,” she said with that beautiful, warm voice, “Far more so than Graysen ever was.”

I shrugged. I didn’t really want to start thinking about him. That Fae-hating thug, who I knew would have no problem slaughtering her if he found out she had been made.

“Well, never mind all of that, anyway,” she said, gently wrapping her fingers around both of my hands and tugging them towards herself. “Tell me about these cuts.”

“I…I was angry,” I whispered with a shrug. Always angry. “Seeing Cassian looking so…so damaged.” I swallowed and lifted my eyes to her, “I wanted to kill that king so badly, for what he’d done, and…I just squeezed them into fists, but -”

“You’d squeezed so tightly you hurt yourself,” Elain interrupted, finishing my thought.

I nodded, rolling my lips, “But I never felt anything.”

My sister leaned back against the headboard and breathed out a long sigh. “Do you think it’s…permanent?”

“I hope not.”

I laid in my new bed; incredibly comfortable, but wide awake. I must’ve gazed upon that starry ceiling for ages, intoxicated by its swirling plumes of green and blue amongst the darkness, the limitlessness of the sky. I rolled onto my side. Candles out in the hallway cast a flickering light under the door, and I found myself staring unblinking at the thin strip of amber, the effect mesmerizing.  

A shifting block of shadow seeped into the light, and I held my breath. Cassian? It must be. Or perhaps Mor, coming back to tell me what she’d found out? Whoever it was, they lingered in front of my door for at least a minute, before a loud, assertive knock filled the air.

I climbed out of bed without a second thought. If it was Cassian, coming to check on me, I would throw the door open and kiss him. I’d wanted to do that for so long, but I felt like my breakdown had knocked us back so many steps. This would be my chance to show him how I truly felt.

Another tap on the door, this time quieter.

“I’m coming,” I said in a loud whisper, as I hurried across the room in my nightgown. Cassian, ever patient.

I grabbed the handle and yanked it down, slowly opening the door just enough to peak around the edge. My eyes widened.

“Hello,” Amren smiled, “I know it’s late, but Mor told me about your problem. May I come in?”

[daughter-of-lethe]

"Eris is a brute and a piece of shit and I would marry him because I am just like him"

"I deserve Eris"

Everytime someone tells me about the “chemistry” in the neris dance scene I side eye. Like your “fav girl” Nesta was faking how she felt/how she acted while dancing with eris so Rhys’s plan would work and she managed to gaslight 70% of her fans along with eris 💀