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whatstruthgottodowithit · 5 months ago

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Love In Trouble [Part Five]

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Musician, RPF

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Original Female Character, Austin Butler x Original Female Character

Characters: Elvis Presley, Original Female Character, Austin Butler, Red West, Sonny West, Jerry Schilling Colonel Tom Parker, Minnie Presley, Vernon Presley, Dee Presley, Joanie Esposito, Joe Esposito, Pat West

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 5041

Summary: Lori Presley lives the high life. She has a lovely home, a elegant wardrobe and her parties are the most sought after ticket in town. Not to mention her husband is the King of Memphis. But what if she no longer wants to be the Queen?

Tags/Warnings: This is a mafia au with detective austin butler entering the chat, Memphis Mafia, Detective Austin Butler, Adultery, Infidelity, Love, Angst, Unhappy Marriage, Murder, Court Room Drama in the loosest possible way, AU, Set in the 70s

Notes: I've had a shit few weeks but we're carrying on and thank god cos our Boys have finally met <3

LINK TO ALL PARTS // LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST

‘Are you ready?’ Austin asked, swapping the receiver of the phone to his other ear so that he didn’t miss her answer.

‘I think so,’ Lori replied quietly

‘It can't be think, Lori. It’s got to be a yes or no,’ he said trying to keep the frustration out of his voice but remain firm. Because it had to be yes or no, preferably yes. Otherwise he'd gone to bat for nothing. He had pissed off his captain and sheriff and made a stink amongst the precinct for nothing. He’d be the new guy swooping in from California and ruining the delicate Memphian ecosystem of bribes and looking the other way. Even the district attorney, who had backed him, had done so on the promise of bringing down the entire operation. He wasn’t bothered about Presley or Tony for that matter. He wanted to be the one to oust key players from the city’s underbelly. For morality or glory Austin didn’t know but it was the reason he kept himself from sounding too agitated. If they were going to bring down anything they needed her. She had even been the one to point out that they had cause to arrest Presley as he was sure to have a ten card from previous, something Austin hadn’t even considered.

‘No, I am,’ she said, her breath a little shaky which didn’t fill him with confidence but he accepted her words nonetheless. It wasn’t as though he had a choice not to. He could hear her shift, hesitance in her breathing that insinuated she was going to ask him something and so he waited for it, ‘do you know when?’

‘Tomorrow,’ he replied, ‘early morning. The DA wants to make sure no news gets out, that they don’t get to alert one another, so we’re hitting every house at once.’

‘How many?’ she asked quietly.

‘Just the names you gave me,’ he said. It had felt odd to have followed her to a chapel of rest but getting a hold of her without someone watching he was fast learning was an art. Even having her on the phone had taken a handful of calls until she and she alone had picked up. Fortunately no one in the Presley enterprise seemed keen to accompany her in staring at a closed casket. There had been no service and no attendees other than him and her which had been fortunate for him even if it had made him feel a little dirty.

‘Right,’ she muttered, ‘are you coming?’

‘Yes.’

‘Like you’ll arrest him?’ she asked

‘Yes it’s my case,’ he replied, his frustration growing at the hitch in her breathing, ‘is that a problem?’

‘No,’ she said quietly though her tone was not reassuring furthering his nerves which prompted him to ask, ‘if you don’t think you can act-’

‘Honey I’ve been acting my entire life,’ she whispered, ‘I’ll be ready.’

✵✵✵

Lori didn’t sleep most of that night. She didn’t do much but potter around her bedroom fretting. In fact she only stopped when she heard the rumble of a car pulling into the driveway signalling that Elvis was home. At that she’d leapt into bed and turned the light off, turning herself to face the wall as she listened to him stumble in and strip off his clothes before he clambered into bed. Fortunately he had fallen asleep quickly, far away on the other side of the bed which meant she wasn’t forced to face him. Instead she spent her night watching him. He looked younger when asleep, more innocent. That was when the uncertainty had crept back in. When Austin had asked her if she was ready she had thought she was but looking at him like that made her doubt herself.

She knew it was selfish. That her only doubts were on her own behalf but she couldn’t help but feel them. Those doubts had been the soundtrack she had fallen asleep to and they were interrupted as she was brought back to the realm of consciousness by a dull thud, the padded door of her bedroom hitting the wall at a pace.

‘Boss! Boss you gotta get up!’ she heard Charlie’s voice call before she came to and when she did he was already pulling clothes out of their closet ready for Elvis who had yet to stir.

‘Elvis,’ she said groggily, a limp hand shaking his shoulder as she tried her best to rouse him, ‘Elvis wake up.’

‘Boss you gotta come quick,’ Charlie said, throwing an outfit on the bed as he too tried to shake her husband awake. He came to the moment Charlie touched him.

‘What is it?’ he asked crankily.

‘Cops,’ Charlie said, ‘they’re askin’ to come in. Say they’ve got a warrant or something.

‘What?’ Lori gasped.

‘What are you talkin’ about?’ Elvis said, forcing himself up in bed quickly and wiping the sleep from his eyes.

‘They want you and they’re not takin’ no for an answer,’ Charlie said, offering the clothing to Elvis who started to dress without care his friend was in the room.

‘What do you mean?’ Lori asked but her question was ignored by both men.

‘Go and tell ‘em I’ll be down in a minute,’ Elvis said, rubbing his tired face as he tried to wrap his head around what was going on. As Charlie nodded and scurried out of sight Lori moved a little closer, keeping her tone as worried as possible as she asked, ‘El what’s happening?’

‘How the fuck do I know?’ Elvis grunted as he slipped on his pants, donning a pale blue shirt over his tanned torso a moment later. At that she fell quiet fearing too much questioning would cause too much scrutiny on her end.

Yet she couldn’t help but watch him. He was clearly disgruntled by the whole thing. His jaw was set and his gorgeous blue eyes though tired burned bright with indignation. A sentiment that was confirmed as they left the bedroom. She could hear people downstairs, worried chatter carrying up from kitchen stairs and the muttering of men in her hallway. But he didn’t turn the corner, he lingered on the landing, almost forcing her to walk into the back of him, before he straightened his shirt and then sauntered down the stairs without a care in the world. Lori followed behind in trepidation.

When they got down there Austin was standing on their front stoop, in amongst a gang of officers who seemed wholly unenthused to be there. In fact the only one who didn’t seem entirely put out was his fellow plain clothed officer who nudged him as he noted Elvis stride into view. Lori kept close behind, smiling weakly as Charlie threw her a reassuring smile and trying to ignore how Elvis’ grandma’s eyes bore into the back of her skull from her chair in the living room as she watched on.

As they got to the front step the chattering amongst the officers grew quiet, all eyes on them as Elvis surveyed the party before he said, ‘someone wanna tell me what the fuck’s goin on?

‘Mr Presley?’ Austin asked, his eyes flitting to Lori behind him for half a second.

‘Yeah,’ Elvis grunted.

‘We’re here to serve a warrant,’ Austin said as he produced a stack of papers from his suit jacket and handed them across where Elvis could snatch them out of his hand. He read quickly, his eyes scanning the pages before they narrowed and he asked, ‘in relation to a murder?’

‘Yes,’ Austin replied.

‘The fuck this have to do with me?’

‘Well that’s what we’d like to ask you about,’ Austin’s partner said.

‘Down at the station,’ Austin added. Lori kept her eyes trained on her husband watching as his jaw clenched in indignation.

‘I already told you I don’t know nuthin’ about that,’ Elvis said.

‘Yeah well we have new evidence that states otherwise,’ Astin said, with a tight smile, ‘so if you’d come with us. These boys can get to serving their warrant.’

‘What evidence?’ Elvis spat.

‘Like I said we can talk about it down at the station,’ Austin replied.

‘Like hell,’ Elvis baulked throwing the warrant so that it hit Austin square in the chest, fluttering to the floor onto white concrete. Austin sighed and stepped forward. He was looking up at Elvis, the step to the portico meaning they were on uneven footing but he was standing tall with a look of warning mirth on his face as he said, ‘that’s not a request so unless you want cuffing you need to come with us.’

Elvis narrowed his eyes. Everyone was watching him which admittedly wasn’t a new phenomenon but he normally didn’t care what those around him saw. Now however he seemed aware that he needed to play this carefully and though his words sounded like a consent there was an air of contempt woven through his demeanour as he turned away and looked to Charlie as he said, ‘get me jacket will ya.’

‘Elvis what do we do?’ Lori asked as he moved inside the hall checking his appearance in the mirror as if he was going out for a leisurely stroll and not being arrested. Austin pulled back and loitered with his partner who was tucking the dropped warrant back in his pocket.

‘Call the colonel,’ Elvis said, quaffing his hair before he took the jacket from Charlie who had now reappeared. He continued as he slipped it on, ‘call daddy and tell ‘em what happened.’

‘Right, okay the colonel,’ Lori said, watching as he walked out onto the front stoop ready to move along. Lori came to stand at the door unsure of how to part from him. A kiss felt too familiar especially in the presence of so many officers and yet not to do so felt off. Everything felt wrong which was no surprise given that her stomach had been doing somersaults since the moment her eyes had snapped open.

‘Tell ‘em not to worry,’ he said, glancing at Austin and a uniformed officer who were striding out ahead of him to a car sitting by the bottom of the steps before leaning in to press a kiss on her cheek. She should’ve known an audience wouldn't deter Elvis Presley from showing especially considering he didn’t sound at all worried as he said, ‘I’ll be home before breakfast. You’ll see.’

And then he was gone. Lori watched as he walked to the car and climbed through the door being held open for him which closed with a squeak and a slam. He was in shadow in the back seat so she couldn’t see him properly but nevertheless she watched as the car drove down the winding drive before embarking onto the street.

When she moved from the door the uniformed officers entered and by the time she’d left the hall they were already going through cabinets and cupboards with no rhyme or reason. Her belongings spilled from drawers onto carpets and tables. Her couch cushions littered the floor around Grandma Dodger. Gladys’ finest China clinked as it was pushed around the cupboard without care. As she wandered through to the kitchen she tried to remind herself she had asked for this. She had tossed the grenade herself and that she couldn’t be reluctant for things to feel a little messy. Messy would prevail in justice for Tony. Punishing Elvis would punish her in return which was what she deserved. Even if she was feeling all out of sorts because of it. In a way she supposed that was better, if she’d been cool and collected Elvis would’ve sniffed her out she was sure of it. At least a nervous mess she was playing the game.

Finally she made it to the kitchen, unhooking the receiver of the phone from the latch as the staff whispered from a huddle in the corner as they tried to stay out of the way of the officers. However she didn’t get very far in dialling before she heard her name called and swivelled around to find the other plainclothes officer, what she suspected to be Austin’s partner watching her intently.

‘Yes?’ she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

‘What's this?’ he asked, gesturing to the TV unit on the kitchen worktop that displayed a picture of the gate.

‘Our security system,’ she said.

‘Is it just on the gate?’ he asked just as Charlie came in looking harried.

‘Yep,’ she said, her throat dry and sticking with now two pairs of eyes on her.

‘And it’s on twenty-four hours a day?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, we don’t shut it off,’ she confirmed.

‘Does it record?’ he asked.

‘Uh, yeah,’ she said, ‘I think so.’

‘Great thanks,’ he said, donning his glasses as he moved to inspect the bulky contraption. Lori turned to restart her phone call, the dial tone now missing given her prolonged absence but as she did she felt a hand on her elbow and a set of lips by the shell of her ear as Charlie whispered, ‘what did you tell him that for?’ before moving past her towards his room.

Lori watched him go, glancing at the detective who was still scrutinising the camera system. It looked as though her acting wasn’t the only thing that was going to need to withstand scrutiny.

✵✵✵

Elvis Presley was not a patient man. He never had been, being an only child and the apple of his mother’s eye hadn’t helped him with his temperament, but notoriety and twenty or so years of bossing everyone around had meant he hadn’t got used to waiting around. He certainly was not used to being given as little information as possible other than being read his rights before he was stuffed into an interview room on his own. Not even his lawyer, a nervous, sweaty man called Hank, arriving had hurried the process up. Which was why he was still sitting in an uncomfortable metal chair, glaring at an older detective as his lawyer flicked through a thin file and tried to ignore the way Elvis’ leg rattled against his as it bounced against the tile floor.

He only broke his gaze as the door unlatched, the blonde detective, the one who’d been stirring the pot since day dot, sauntered in, case file in hand. Elvis watched as he closed the door quietly and unable to stop the irritation from bubbling inside him he found a snarky, ‘by all means take your damn time,’ fall from his lips without warning.

Austin threw him a glance but didn’t respond, electing to remain silent as he dropped into the seat opposite. Because he knew Elvis Presley wasn’t a patient man. No man who had half of Memphis cower to his every want and whim could possibly be patient. He was too well catered to and more importantly too used to everyone bending over backwards to accommodate him, it was why he’d left him in here for the longest time. It was why he’d interviewed all his cronies first. It was why he didn’t say anything as he got settled, allowing the other man to shift in his seat as he muttered, ‘ain’t bad enough you hauled my ass down here on some bullshit charge.’

Again Austin ignored him, gesturing for his partner to flip the switch on the large tape player in between both parties which he did, shifting awkwardly as he realised Austin was allowing him some input. Of course John did not know his partner that well but he’d been in enough interview rooms to know the dynamic his colleague was aiming for. And so he cleared his throat and prepared his most polite tone as he said, ‘interview commenced at nine fifteen am on June twelfth. Detectives Butler and Melling present along with the appropriate counsel. Sir, could you please state and spell your name for the record?’

John was watching Elvis as he spoke, everyone was, but the man’s gaze remained locked on Austin, his blue eyes narrowed and a distinct curl on his lip in contempt even though it wasn’t him asking. Austin didn’t react.

‘Uh, Mr Presley,’ John said, clearing his throat again awkwardly when he failed to answer, ‘could you please-’

‘Elvis Presley,’ Elvis replied, his eyes still on Austin, ‘E-L-V-I-S P-R-E-S-L-E-Y.’

‘Thank you,’ John replied, an awkward but thankful smile on his lips that Austin resisted the urge to roll his eyes to. It hadn’t been easy to get everyone on board and though John had backed him but less out of the belief Austin had a good case and more out of some archaic duty to support his partner when he was under fire. Still it hadn't meant he was entirely on board and even he wasn't immune to trying to make Elvis Presley feel comfortable.

‘Now you gonna tell me why the hell you dragged my ass down here?’ Elvis challenged, not bothering to respond to the officer who had been speaking to him. There wasn’t much point, it wasn’t as if he’d stopped staring at Austin throughout the entire conversation.

‘I assumed that was clear in the warrant you were served,’ Austin said. Elvis’ glare deepened and his jaw tightened at the whiff of snark but Austin merely smiled and said, ‘but we can get to it anyway.’

Elvis watched as he shifted in his seat, opening up a manila folder and scanning through it as he produced a pen from his pocket. He moved slow, as if he was doing paperwork at his desk and not interrogating a suspect and Elvis watched him angrily waiting for him to speak.

‘Can you tell me where you were on May thirtieth?’ he said once he’d finally settled himself.

‘Ain’t I already told you?’ Elvis sneered.

‘I’m asking again,’ Austin said, tight but firm.

‘That dead kid ain’t nuthin’ to do with Kings,’ Elvis sneered.

‘That’s not what I asked,’ Austin replied, again his tone teetering on the edge of snark. Elvis glared at him but glanced towards his lawyer who had remained quiet through the entire thing, no doubt wanting Elvis to take charge before he made any decisions as everyone else seemed to do.

‘If you could provide some information that’s probably for the best,’ Hank muttered into Elvis’ ear, making his jaw tighten further.

‘At home,’ he said, his voice tight and low.

‘All day?’ Austin asked.

‘I went to the club,’ Elvis said.

‘That’s Kings night club, correct?’ Austin said.

‘Yes,’ Elvis replied, his tone dripping with resentment at having every little detail pulled from him. His irritation was also mounting at the way the detective was scribbling notes every time he spoke as though his word wasn’t trustworthy enough. It may have been a long time since anyone didn’t bend to his whim but it had been even longer since someone had failed to take his word as gospel.

‘And what time was that?’ Austin asked.

‘About eight, eight thirty,’ Elvis replied.

‘What did you do when you got there?’ Austin probed.

‘What I always do,’ Elvis said, sighing as Austin said nothing but raised an eyebrow, ‘it was a Friday right? So I watched the new acts, had some drinks and then went into my office to do some paperwork and calls.’

‘And someone can verify that?’ Austin challenged.

‘Just about everyone who was in the damn club,’ Elvis snapped, heaving a sigh as Austin merely looked at him as if waiting for specifics, ‘Sam, Sam Thomspon, my bartender. He was on that night so I guess he can verify I was there.’

‘What time did you leave?’ Austin said, jotting another note on his piece of paper.

‘About one am,’ Elvis said.

‘Alone?’ Austin challenged.

‘No,’ Elvis said with contempt, ‘I have drivers. And bodyguards.’

‘And their names?’ Austin asked.

‘Haven't you already spoken to my entire staff?’ Elvis scoffed, rolling his eyes as Austin failed to bite once more, ‘Jerry Schilling, Red West, Sonny West.’

‘And they left with you?’ Austin asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Where did you go?’ Austin asked.

‘Home,’ Elvis replied, his eyes flicking to the pen that had stalled, curious as to why his answer was not immediately being jotted down in the file in front like all the others.

‘You didn’t drop them off first?’ he asked. Elvis scoffed, ‘they wouldn't be good bodyguards if they left me on my own now would they.’

‘Guess not,’ Austin smiled, with a glint in his eye that Elvis didn’t care for. Neither was the way he added another layer of suspicion as he asked, ‘and they’ll verify this?’

‘Yes,’ Elvis grunted.

Austin nodded, flicking through his file for a second before he looked at his colleague, the lawyer and then back at Elvis as if he was checking they were all listening before he started, whatever question he wanted to ask appearing significant though Elvis didn’t know why as it was only, ‘how long did it take you?’

‘What?’ Elvis asked. The questions had been trivial enough but this seemed to border on the edge of banality. Like he wanted Elvis to spell every single detail out for him. He could tell by the accent that this Butler guy was not a native Memphian and so he might not know the streets well enough to guess but he was getting sick of having to hold the guy’s hand through this entire process. Whenever he’d dealt with Memphis’ boys in blue before it had never been this formal. Over the years there’d been cursory visits but it was normally uniforms who took his word at face value. Anything else was usually dealt with by the Colonel who normally spared him facing the inside of a police station unless it was being angled as a publicity stunt. Now he was starting to sweat, beads of perspiration forming between his shirt and his hairline as piercing blue eyes watched him.

‘That time of night it's got to be ten, fifteen minutes max to get from the club to your house right?’ Austin asked.

‘I guess,’ Elvis said, trying to keep his wariness from his tone.

‘But you left the club at one ten am, we got that from your CCTV, yet your gate camera only clocked you getting back home at two fifty-three am. Where were you for an hour and forty-three minutes?’ Austin asked, his eyes set on Elvis’ face. But it wasn’t just him watching him. Everyone was and he suddenly realised this was not what he’d thought it was. He wasn’t holding this guy’s hand; this guy was laying the foundations to trip Elvis up.

He didn’t know why he’d been so stupid. Annoyed sure but that was because trouble never usually hung around this long. Problems in Elvis Presley's world were dealt with the moment they raised their head. Sure people asked questions but they usually knew it wasn’t worth digging any deeper than the surface level. Of course he had heard this Butler guy had been digging but he had figured it was just because he was too green to know better. Too ambitious, he’d had lower-level guys in the club like it before. They just needed to be put in their place. Now it was too late because he’d got him boxed into a corner. And both of them knew it.

It was why he didn’t probe. He just sat there, allowing the silence to fester until one of them got uncomfortable enough to speak. Only it was Elvis’ lawyer who hesitated first, mumbling to his client, ‘if you could explain that it’d help.’

Elvis cleared his throat and sniffed, trying to maintain an air of nonchalance as he shrugged and said, ‘we went for burgers.’

‘Where?’ Austin asked pointedly.

‘Louie’s.’

‘And your friends, sorry bodyguards, will confirm that?’ Austin asked.

‘Yes,’ Elvis said.

‘Hmm,’ Austin said dismissively and though he was trying to remain cool Elvis couldn’t help but bite, grunting a ‘what?’ before he could stop himself.

‘Nothing,’ Austin said casually, ‘it's just I don’t see how you had the time.’

‘An hour is plenty of time to get a burger,’ Hank the lawyer protested.

‘Maybe but it's not enough time when you’re across town murdering someone,’ Ausitn challenged.

‘You think I murdered the kid?’ Elvis scoffed.

‘I’m sure you did,’ Austin said, leaning forward in his seat, ‘in fact I think you saw Tony leave his shift at one and you followed him home. Now admittedly he stopped for a pizza so whether you headed back to his place and waited or sat outside the pizza parlour I’m not sure but I’m sure you showed up at his apartment. And when you knocked on the door and he opened it and saw his boss, well, who wouldn’t invite them in. He even gave you a drink.’

‘Speculation,’ Hank protested.

‘Not exactly,’ Austin corrected, ‘you see we have your fingerprints on a half-drunk glass of scotch in Tony's apartment and considering it wasn’t moved it’s safe to assume it was being used just before he died.’

Again the silence festered, a satisfied Austin not bothering to prod as the blows landed better than he’d anticipated. But John must’ve been feeling uncomfortable which prompted him to ask, ‘can you explain that?’

‘Maybe he doesn’t clean his glasses very often,’ Elvis said.

‘So you were there at some point?’ Austin challenged, suppressing a smirk at the irritated grunt Elvis made, ‘or am I to believe that he left two glasses of whiskey on the side for what a week? A month? That he never touched or moved them leaving your prints perfectly unsmudged? The same way I’m supposed to believe that he left his freshly bought pizza on the side or left his mail unopened. No, I think the two of you had a drink and a conversation and then for some reason you blew his brains out, which is crazy considering you didn’t even know the kid ten minutes ago.’

Elvis said nothing.

‘So come on, what happened?’ Austin probed. Elvis glared at him but Austin didn’t relent. He stared back, challenging him to say something, anything though he didn’t see what he could say that wouldn’t muddy his defence even more. After a moment Elvis muttered, ‘no comment.’

‘Oh come on!’ Austin laughed, ‘you’ve been happy to run your mouth up to now what’s the matter? Afraid you’re going to tell the truth for once? Or are you going to tell me that your prints being in the apartment of a dead guy you don’t know is all coincidence?’

Elvis stayed silent.

‘Just like you leaving right after him must be. Just like your alibi not matching all your little friends is,’ Austin smirked, leaning closer as Elvis’ gaze snapped up at the mention of an alibi. Of course he’d known that all this mounted to an alibi but he hadn't anticipated he’d be one step ahead, ‘you know we asked your pals where you were that night. And they confirmed you left together and that you went straight home. No burgers. No stopping. No nothing. Is that coincidence too?’

The room was deathly quiet and all of a sudden Elvis was feeling rueful he was such an impatient man. He hated that everyone tried to bend to his will or that no one felt as though they could make decisions for him. If he wasn't maybe they would have found a lawyer who wasn’t too scared to jump in and fix this mess. If he wasn’t maybe he wouldn’t have friends so eager to defend him in their haste they’d landed him in hot water. If he wasn’t maybe he wouldn’t have been so relaxed about this whole thing being pushed under the carpet. He wouldn’t have underestimated this detective. He wasn’t fool enough to think that the whole justice system would bend to the will of the king of Memphis but it had been so long he had become acclimatised to expecting it.

And this guy was a force to be reckoned with. No one had spoken but he kept pushing as if he could niggle something out of the other man if he kept needling, ‘let me guess it’s a coincidence the type of gun used was the same make and model of one you own.’

‘Have you got the gun?’ his lawyer asked, finally making some traction in ‘defence’.

‘No,’ Detective Melling admitted, ‘we don’t…the gun box at your house was empty.’’

‘Then I don’t see how that incriminates my client,’ Hank replied.

‘You don’t think it’s odd that the week we come looking around your clients house for a gun he owns is the same week said gun up and vanishes from your clients possession,’ Austin challenged.

‘I own a lot of guns,’ Elvis said, trying to keep his voice confident though it lacked conviction.

‘And?’ Austin asked, ‘let me guess someone else used the type of gun you have and shot a guy you don’t know after you'd been in his apartment? That sound plausible to you?’

‘I think you’ve got scraps of evidence and you’re adding them together hoping for a good story,’ Elvis spat.

‘Elvis,’ Hank warned.

‘Scraps?’ Austin rebuffed, ‘we’ve got proof you were there, the last one to see him, and he was shot with a gun just like one you own which coincidentally is missing now. Not to mention how you’ve tried to throw off the scent by being cagey as hell and yet you still haven’t managed to coordinate a decent alibi. That’s more than a good story.

‘Oh yeah and what’s the reason?’ Elvis growled, leaning forward in his seat threateningly though Austin matched him, their faces not so far apart as the tension rose, ‘why would I kill some punk kid who works for me?’

‘You tell me why you wouldn’t.’

They remained looking at one another, the ire rolling off them both until finally Austin sloped back in his chair as he looked to John awaiting him to do the rest. His partner sighed and looked to Elvis, ‘Elvis Presley I am charging you with the murder of Anthony Bowen…’

ELVIS TAGS

@girlblogger2002@sania562@caitlin1996@literally-just-elvis-fics@notstefaniepresley @18lkpeters @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @louisejoy86 @ccab @i-r-i-n-a-a @lettersfromvenus @artlesson8892 @presleyenterprise

AUSTIN TAGS

@purejasmine @caitlin1996

#my writing #elvis #elvis presley #love in trouble #Elvis Presley x ofc #austin butler #Austin butler x ofc

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marveldcfan105 · 4 months ago

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Spider-Man facts and truth

Gwen Stacy, Silk, and Carlie Cooper are shit and toxic!

I love USM but I miss the old-school Spidey stores, they were the birth of a legend, a GOAT, and a hero.

I hate Zeb Wells, Nick Lowe, Joe Q, and Tom Holland for ruining our beloved wall-crawler Spider-Man. I hate Zeb Wells, Nick Lowe, Joe Q, and Tom Holland so much for it!

People who are Mary Jane haters and say that "Spider-Man should cheat on Mary Jane with Black Cat" are misogynistic pedophilic rapist pigs and phony Spider-Man fans, Black Cat is an awful character (Well, Black Cat is now because Black Cat is overrated and overhyped),

Mary Jane Watson is an awesome and underrated character.

Wells has gone too fucking far, I hate Zeb Wells for this! Fuck you, Zeb Wells!

I hate HOW Peter and Mary Jane are hated these days, I blame Joe Q, Wells, Lowe, Marvel, and all the people in the Spidey office.

Leave Peter and Mary Jane the FUCK alone!

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bisluthq · 7 months ago

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See I’m was you I don’t like Kelly one bit, I legit find it fascinating that Taylor invited her to the studio and probably played her some of TTPD before it was released, what makes it even more fascinating is that she continued to fuel joe hate, to me she screams I want clout from swifties and the fact that swifties can’t see that is insane to me

Me too lol. I think Taylor likes her because she’s totally unthreatening and sucks Taylor’s dick real good. Like I think Taylor’s real friends also don’t call out a lot of her bullshit tbh but Keileigh (is that now right? I’m legit trying???) is like 🤩😍😘 at the expense of her OWN FUCKING HUSBAND lol which is the part that 🤯 makes my brain explode. Literally *I* would be embarrassed to act the way she did at the Globes because I’ve been to Cannes as a journalist (which obviously wasn’t the same but I was there physically lol) and my boyfriend works in film. I’ve never been and I’d be really excited to dress up and go like ngl it’d be cool af but *I* wouldn’t act like a fucking stan who won a competition? Literally that woman was more excited than Make A Wish kids ever are lol. She was more excited than the fans who got Swiftmas gifts. It was intense. And I like could get behind it if that were idk a random girl Taylor had accidentally befriended - like if a Frostie girlfriend had ever gone with Taylor to an event and acted like that I’d be like “okay one minute you’re working a normal 9-5 in the City and dating… let’s say the architect… and the next you’re walking the Red Carpet with Taylor Swift lmfao okay pop off girlie embarrass yourself you’ll regret it in the morning but yolo” but the problem is Kelly (I give up) is married to a full on A lister, has presumably been to Tom Cruise’s house (that’s like celeb experience wise as cool as Taylor imho) and did not regret it in the morning? Unless Miles is v embarrassed of her and treats her badly as a result idk and maybe she’s projecting her distaste for Miles onto Joe???

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babybabymerrychristmas · 1 year ago

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The person is stupid you can write song happily and still being sad at other time, she can write things about privacy, want privacy at a time of her life and then change her mind, she's human lol ( and they're are still very private we don't know every detail)

( and she can have heard the chorus from Joe and imagined from that a love triangle, there is no big contradiction)

( and I think she said in some date of the eras tour that she was drinking too much wine during the pandemic but I might be wrong)

This is exactly my train of thought, anon.

Like, that's exactly it. Taylor is a human and that means she's imperfect and dynamic. She is not a static thing, she can change her mind the more she experiences the specific things that she has experienced. Like, I can see taylor having an extreme reaction to the harry, karlie, calvin, tom situations and wanting to be extremely private as a defense mechanism against the trauma of those relationships being so public. it doesn't mean that just because her last relationship was private, all the rest of relationships will be in the future.

and like literally nothing taylor has said about folklore is contradicatory and the fact that she made that little "making sourdough bread or whatever" snide remark on tour is proof to me that she really did write that shit with Joe. Like, instead of seeing her as being petty and hurt in that moment, some gaylors would rather see her as being conniving and lying ????? she could have written cardigan and then heard the basic ass lyrics to betty's chorus and decided to make it a whole Thing. it's perfectly fine and plausible to assume joe wrote the shit with her and he, *gasp* even inspired her to write some really good, sad shit.

and finally, taylor saying she 'drank too much wine' is not her saying she is a lonely drunk and the fact that you are putting those words in her mouth is further proof that you don't like who taylor swift is as a person. She has her flaws, she is not a beacon of sainthood, she will engage in self-destructive behavior and lash out and be petty and hurt in public and still try to put on a brave face and instead of giving her compassion and empathy, you're calling her a "Drunk" like what the actual fuck is wrong with you, yanno?

but like the thing that gets me the most is that she started off with "if you bothered to listen to the lyrics" like babe, have YOU listened to the lyrics? "how long could we be a sad song until we were too far gone to bring back to life" if that's not confirmation she wrote folklore with joe, what is? her lyrics don't add up to lesbianism, the queer imagery in her work is still valid even if she dates men. you can be queer with a preference for men and still be queer.

#taylor swift #gaylor #anon love #ask and you shall receive

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nycmade1999 · 1 year ago

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Other then the fact Tomdayas are on this app daily speculating about two people the don’t know them the fact you guys also over analyze Tom and Z’s actions especially Z is also telling Joe much you guys lack a social life and definitely have no love life. Like her singing one of the most popular R&B songs of the 90s and you guys must be weird and make it about Tom and her relationship. “OMG she’s so gone” or “we’ve lost her”. Like do y’all not hear how stupid you all sound like she can’t even sing a popular song without y’all making it about her relationship. Like y’all are really deranged

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septembersghost · 2 years ago

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Since I haven't seen you discuss this topic:

What do you think is Tom's feelings regarding hiddleswift/Taylor these days?Do you think he holds some resentment towards her? Because I feel like he was really into her and thought that relationship was heading somewhere. He also chose to date her in the peak of kimye drama(something we (rightfully) praise joe for) and it cost him a role.His reputation and the respect he garnered as an actor was Lower than ever after that. He introduced her to his family and was really hurt when asked about her at golden globes. But Taylor not only used him to get out of a toxic relationship but also had eyes on someone else the whole time. Then she released a song(that slaps btw I LOVE GETAWAY CAR) that blatantly calls him a rebound. We know her enough to know her reasons to do it, what she was going through, how joe was her light et ...but if someone used me like that I would take a long time to forgive them if ever. So do you think taylor is the 'bad ex'(zhe is not she is flawed) in his love life?

[Inspired by recent comments from Tom's team regarding his relationship with zawe

A source said: 'Tom really has fallen for Zawe in a big way. But he is so paranoid about his private life since his relationship with Taylor that he has gone to great lengths to keep this under wraps.'

Tom told the New York Times after his romance with Taylor: 'Yes, I'm protective about my internal world now in probably a different way. That's because I didn't realize it needed protecting before.']

i don't talk about this too much for ~reasons~, but it's a late night conversation so i saved it for liminal hours

there are certain fans of taylor's who are shockingly nasty about this and treat tom like trash and mock him for falling hard and fast (lol hypocritical. as if she doesn't?), and act like he somehow was in the wrong here, and i think they are VERY WEIRD.

there are certain fans of tom's who are misogynistic slut shamers who will offer her no grace for the extraordinarily Bad place she was in when all of this happened, and i think they are frightfully mean.

i was a fan of both of them before they hooked up, and remain so, and i have a lot of sympathy for them both in this situation, but the way she handled it was a mistake, and hurt me for him. i say that with nothing but care for her, which i'm sure you know is clear. people we like can still do the wrong thing. getaway car is a banger showstopper incredible never the same, my fave rep track, but it took me...a while...to be able to listen to it without a twinge of guilt...? "if someone used me like that I would take a long time to forgive them if ever." same, and i don't think he has any obligation TO forgive her, though i'd imagine he has.

so. here's where we have to have space for people to be human and thus flawed. she acted rashly and i believe somewhat carelessly in this situation. "i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked" has actually always read as a quiet tom reference to me, but then she did long story short and...anyway. he has a particularly stellar reputation as a thoughtful/considerate/gentlemanly guy. the profile he did with gq where he talked about her is an interview that i find remarkably compassionate and honest. the fact that swifties will quickly weaponize for her when she's slighted at all, yet mock tom for being deeply hurt by what happened, does not sit right with me. she fucked up. she shouldn't have gotten entangled with him, to escape calvin nor when she already had the deep feelings we know she had for joe. you can say that and still recognize that she was VERY hurt and struggling enormously with various things in her life at that point. i don't think any partner could've withstood the scrutiny piled on tom at that moment, nor the heinous fallout of the kimye drama. but he clearly wanted to support her, and she was...not there and not okay.

the fact that it dinged his reputation (sigh) or cost him a role is horrible, but not her fault, it's the industry being ruthless and a nightmare at times. but he's rebuilt himself from that quite well, and never lost respect where it mattered, no matter what tabloids might print.

i don't believe he resents her, partially because he doesn't seem to be wired in that way. he's never said anything but lovely comments about her as a person, as the woman HE knew. i DO think he profoundly resents what that relationship did insofar as the press coverage and surrounding hoopla and meanness, and that it jaded him quite severely (understandably) and caused him to clamp up and share far less with the public, which...is well within his rights, people were weird as fuck towards this man due to the marvel stuff LONG before he dated taylor, so it might've gotten bad for him eventually regardless, but the mockery and judgment and cruelty that happened there...he didn't deserve that at all, he still doesn't. what happened with tom changed taylor too, it's a big part of the reason she and joe keep things so tightly under wraps and have for over six years. i do not blame tom for being a bit paranoid (i mean, GROSS things happened when he was on broadway totally disconnected to the taylor aftermath that probably would've made him more careful/paranoid anyway, some people have no boundaries), and i definitely don't blame him for trying to keep the woman he loves who is his partner and the mother of his child as far out of that glare as possible. i hope they're so happy and have a wonderful life together. tbh i hope he barely thinks about any of this and is just thriving in his personal life and career in whatever ways he chooses to follow.

#anonymous #letterbox #thrown out speeches

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jodilin65 · 10 years ago

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WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2014 My Nutrisystem journey has begun! I gained a little weight recently and crept up to 151 pounds. This will be my starting point on my way down to 125. That's my highest goal weight, anyway. At 4’ 11” I can go as low as 100, but this is not likely with my age and muscle density.

I was both pissed and pleased when the shipment arrived. They gave me more than I ordered, but they also gave me stuff I don’t like. I hate spicy foods, yet what did they do when they had to make substitutes for things they were out of? They gave me chili, Mexican tortilla soup, and a few other things I don’t care for. They should have given me other things I ordered, figuring that I didn’t order sloppy Joes, for example, because I don’t like that. What really pissed me off were the things I got that they say I ordered which I know for a fact I didn’t order. The last thing I would order would be spicy Kung Pao noodle soup. What’s the point of paying extra to customize my plan if they’re just going to pick and choose for me?

I do like the chocolate shakes I was surprised with. They’re part of the Fast Five. I thought the Fast Five kit included a 5-day meal plan cuz that’s what the kit was for that I got in Walmart several months ago, but this is actually a 7-day plan. They expect you to lose 5 pounds during this, though one woman lost 7 while a guy lost 9. After the first week, then I go to the regular plan.

I’ve had my breakfast and I can certainly say their double chocolate muffins rock! Very rich, tasty and chock full of chocolate chips.

I have logged my first 190 calories and my first 2 cups of water. I logged my weight as well, but not my measurements yet. I’ll have Tom take those scary numbers when he gets up since it’s easier for someone else to measure us.

I kind of feel bad for letting Mitch have it like I did because he is having a rough time. He understands why I went off on him, though. At least I think he does. If he’s rude again in public I will simply remove him.

I was pissed to find that Prosebox is down again. This is their second attack in less than a month. At least I think that’s what it is. I really hope that the guy’s post about how the site is a little more responsibility than he would like since he didn’t expect it to become what it has, wasn't really a warning of sorts, like some kind of farewell. I did find it a bit odd that he would only accept private comments on the entries. I've never known him to do that before. I would hate to see the site go because it’s so unique and I love the way that we can create different books for different things, but whatever happens, happens. I don't think it's been shut down, though, because I get a message saying that the site administrator has been notified of the problem and not a ‘page not found’ notice. Time will tell. What sucks is the timing. If he hasn’t intentionally shut it down it could be a few days till it’s back up again what with the holidays and all that.

Unlike some folks, I’m smart enough to keep copies of my stuff in other locations, but what would really suck would be if I couldn’t access my Dreams book. I add my dreams to a single draft post throughout the month that I publish at the end of it, and then I copy it elsewhere. Worst case scenario I search “dream” in my Word copy to weed out the dreams, but that’d be a hassle I hope I won’t have.

This is the second time in less than a month this has happened and it’s already getting old. Let’s hope the guy either sells the site to someone who’s more into the idea of keeping it going or that he gets his shit together. And damn the person who attacked the site, if it was indeed attacked. Kind of makes you wonder who the hell the guy could’ve pissed off bad enough, but maybe the provider was the target and not Prosebox specifically.

If it’s gone for good, I wonder if any of my friends and followers there will look me up on other sites? Either way, I’m like most people in that I’m easily bored with tales of things that don’t interest me. Can’t say I’ll miss the pregnancy/baby stories. Just how in the world do so many mothers find the time to sit and write and read on blogging/journal sites as often as they do anyway?

Later…

So NS didn't mess up after all. The unordered items I got are part of the free week I received. So I've got 5 weeks of food here, not 4. Next shipment launches on 1/29.

Tom and I worked out and he took my measurements before leaving for work, which he hopes to escape from early. What scary numbers! My thighs are as big as my waist should be. It’s like I’m proportioned well, but I’m not. I’m still an hourglass; I’m just a rather half-assed one. I need to lose half a foot off my chest and hips and a foot off my waist. I doubt, however, that I’ll be the 35-25-35 I used to be with 18” thighs. Instead, my measurements are:

Arms: 12, Chest: 41, Waist: 37, Hips: 42, Thighs: 25

Got a direct hit to my Blogger blog from San Antonio with what I’m pretty sure was from Molly who does have family in that area. She’s not in Austin now but is soon heading back there.

So she does revert back to her old ways in cases of idle hands? This is what I worry about when she leaves Marbridge. When she doesn’t have that place keeping her busy and she’s no longer being stalked by Josh, does she then revert back to Aly and I? Still can’t believe she’s gone this long without mentioning Aly in her blogs. That just doesn’t seem like her at all and I don’t care how much she may’ve changed. Something’s gotta be up with that. I sometimes wonder if Aly is still her friend and has somehow gotten her to keep her mouth shut about it and are hiding their friendship, but Aly swears she’s not in touch with her.

So then where is the “I miss Alison… Please forgive me… You’re a wonderful person… I hope we can move on and be friends…” kind of thing?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2014 I was surprised to get up to find that my Nutrisystem order is to arrive tomorrow. That fast?! I never would have gotten as many groceries as I did had I known it would come this fast, but it’s only shooting over from Reno, so it turns out. This is good timing as my weight was starting to climb. I’m still working out, as usual, but I’ve been overeating more often lately.

Looking forward to a healthier me (but not the hunger as I get used to the smaller portions), and now I have to decide if I want to start tomorrow or the next day.

Gotta make some preparations first. Gotta make some space in the pantry and get my NS profile ready to go for weight/food/measurement logging and all that. It will be torturous but fun! :)

I was swimming in a pool, and then I was standing on a deserted shoreline in my dreams last night. I wanted to take a dip in the ocean, but the waves were too big to trust.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2014 For the first time since I've known my cyber friend Mitch, he was actually pretty rude to me on Facebook. I sometimes share some questions and answers from my first Ask account, and when I got up I found a rude comment asking if there was any way to block this “Ask crud.”

Is there some reason he couldn't ask me this in private? Being blunt is one thing, being rude is another. It's sad to see this once fun and creative guy turn into a little more than a political drunk. No wonder he's always complaining that people badmouth him, and he even said something about being hit with a slander lawsuit. Well, he can either be more polite, or he can take a broom handle and shove it up his ass hard enough to knock his amazingly yellow teeth out.

Yesterday we made the Nutrisystem order I was planning to make. It was fun picking out all the foods since I got the custom Core Plan. Tom cracked me up because knowing how much he’d hate most of the foods, he said, “This would be easy for me. For breakfast, all I’d have to do is just order 21 chocolate donuts.”

The order is actually for 28 days, but it includes a free Fast Five in which the food is preselected. I'm looking forward to popping out these muscles and getting healthier, but I'm definitely not looking forward to the hunger part of it. As with any major change, things take time to get used to.

Their site seems pretty amazing with lots of support as well as fun tools to help keep you motivated. You log your measurements every month, your weight every week, and every day you check off how many cups of water you drink, as well as what you did for exercise, and then what you ate.

They also have blogs, journals, and a support community. You can even contact a counselor when the going gets tough.

We also ordered a couple of toe rings for me, and then Tom told me he wanted a new scale. I said, “Why do we need a new scale? The one we have works fine.”

But this one measures more than just your weight. Using an electric current that runs through your feet that you're not supposed to be able to feel, it also measures your water bone and muscle density. Sounds pretty pricey, but it isn't.

Had another dream of my dentist for some reason. I was gift-wrapping a long box that looked like it may have contained a couple of long fluorescent bulbs, LOL, much like what we just replaced in our kitchen. I knew that she knew that the gift was for her, and so when I tried to move it out of her view until I got it all wrapped, she stepped back so that it would be harder for her to see what it was. Then she said something about wanting to do something special for my birthday. I smiled like a happy kid, jumped up, ran and threw my arms around her.

"Aw," she goes. LOL

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2014 Gonna be ordering Nutrisystem’s Core Plan later on, but I still wonder if my metabolism is alive enough to do this. I sure hope so! It says to expect to lose 5 pounds the first week, then 1-2 a week. I’d just hate to spend the money only to lose 3-4 pounds despite sticking to it faithfully. That is, after all, why I haven’t dieted in so long. I got sick of the initial few-pound loss and then how my body would stop losing even though I would keep dieting. If I’m going to work really hard I want to see results for my efforts!

Realized I haven’t had backaches in a while now. Wonder if it’s cuz I switched pillows or because I added back flies to my workout routine. Fucking winter, though! I want to exercise outside yet it is too cold. I miss the fresh air. We’re going to be in the high 20s in a few nights. Ugh!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2014 Yesterday I had some random memories pop into my mind of my mother. One of them was about the way she would taunt me about my weight as a child. I have pictures throughout my entire youth yet where the hell was I “fat?” The only fat spells I had was a brief one when I was in my late teens, then after I quit smoking, and then when my thyroid crashed. But even at my fattest, I was never literally huge or anywhere near as big as she was.

It never ceases to amaze me how full of hypocrites this world really is. Lonely is the one who picks on those who prefer not to have tons of friends. Poor is the one who picks on those who don't have much money. Fat and ugly is the one who picks on others for the way they look. Deceptive is the one who insists others are always bullshitting them.

Another memory I had which I have written about in the past is definitely the worst memory I have pertaining to my mother. I don't remember exactly how old I was but I couldn't have been more than 10 or so. We were at the beach at our summer cottage when I decided that I would go on a starvation diet that also included not having any liquids. At that age, I sure as hell didn't know any better.

On the second or third day of this “diet”, I awoke incredibly weak and unable to get out of bed. Our cottage was tiny and I called to my mother for help who sat in the next room playing backgammon with her best friend Charlotte. She refused to help me, saying that I got myself into that mess so I would just have to be the one to get myself out of it. I can tell you for damn sure that had that kitchen not been right off the bedroom I slept in, there's a damn good chance I may have died. I don't think she ever even realized just how much of a risk she took by carelessly ignoring my cries for help. It took me hours to muster up the strength just to jump up and grab a devil dog, which was the closest thing I could grab from the kitchen. Then it seemed to take me another hour just to open the damn thing and eat it.

If she could materialize long enough I would absolutely torture her. Forget about all the other millions of things she put me through. I will never ever forgive her or the God above that sat back and allowed her to do the things she did to me. Must’ve been pretty fucking funny in His eyes. They say that when we go through shit in life it’s only God “testing” us. Yeah, how fucking tough do you think a 10-year-old kid is, you bastard?! How tough should she be?

Well, if there truly is an afterlife where we all meet up with dead family members, and if there truly is a God, not even He can stop me from inflicting my own brand of hell should we meet beyond the pearly gates.

My nieces are already having problems at their new apartment. Kids throwing sticks and balls at cars in the parking lot, I guess. I can just imagine the noise.

In one dream I had last night, Tom and I went and got a bunch of rats. We assumed they were all male rats. Then it hit us that some could be females that could also be pregnant. We were wondering how we should handle all the babies and if we should just try to weed out whatever female rats we could find right then and there and return them to the store or what.

In another dream, I might have won a house, but my dream self didn't seem to know for sure. Well, the dream didn't go on long enough for me to find out. Meanwhile, my parents were present – again – and I was trying not to get ahead of myself and let myself get all excited in case I was wrong.

Later…

They weren’t kidding when they said that keeping a journal could help us to see things more clearly later on down the road that may’ve flown over our heads when we wrote them. I’m not just referring to how naïve and stupid I could be when I was younger, but how utterly stupid I was when it came to Maliheh. shakes head in disgust When she finally contacted me in 2010, she said she hadn’t contacted me until then because she was instructed not to. At the time I took this to mean because I had told her not to contact me when I thought she was messing with me online before I learned it was someone else. I then apologized for accusing her and contacting her friends and told her I hoped to hear from her. Well, in hindsight – and I can’t believe I missed this knowing how vindictive she was/is – I can see that she probably went right on the legal defensive when I first contacted her about a book loosely based on us with a major twist of an ending. In blunt English, she was no doubt hoping to “get” me in some way being the totally unforgiving, hateful, spiteful person she can be, which means she probably consulted a lawyer who told her not to contact me (until the lawyer saw she had no case).

She even paid to get a copy of the old police report, and of course, she stated “facts” when she first contacted me on the old MyOpera site that was totally false. Whether or not her memory was just messed up or she was intentionally lying, I do not know. All I know is that she asked me to dance the instant I walked into the place and not the other way around. She voluntarily gave me her number. I did not ask someone else for it. She kissed me on the cheek on the way out that night and not the other way around. My pranks to her went on for less than half the time she claimed they did. I never pranked her after I was summoned to court as she also claimed because I was too afraid to. Lastly, never did I order Fran to call and threaten her. If he did, he did that on his own and that was very wrong of him. The guy’s dead, so he can’t speak for himself. I can only speak for myself.

So she states facts, half of which are incorrect or not quite right, then she goes on to make all these demands of me and I could really kick myself for being too nice and too forgiving like I was all in the name of how she looked. If anyone’s learned a lesson about seeing past some people’s beauty and into the coldness of their hearts, it’s me. Damn me for kissing her ass like I did! Really, I could kick myself for that and all because she was hot? Well, inside she was the cruelest, hateful, deceptive, mean, vengeful person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Maybe she did come to care for me for a while – I don’t know. Only she knows that, but that doesn’t matter anymore. The fact is that she befriended me under false pretenses and that was to see to it that her name was kept out of the book, which it has been.

That much I can see a person wanting. That much was pretty reasonable; wanting your name kept out of something someone might profit from, but who the hell was she to tell me not to use her name in my own damn blog? To what did she think I owed her that much anyway? And if she was oh so innocent all those years ago, then what was she so afraid of? Huh? What was she so afraid of? What did Little Miss Victim have to hide that she wanted her name kept out of this and kept out of that? And how could I have been so blind to see that that’s classic behavior of one who knows they did something wrong and wants to keep it hidden?

Well, she can rest assured she’ll never be named in any past or future books of mine, but not mention her in my own damn journal? I don’t think so! She’s out of my life and I seldom refer to her, but that’s my right to do so as long as I keep it within the law! I have read up on blogger’s rights and there is nothing that says I can’t use first names. Nothing. I have two rules I always abide by – no full names or other sensitive info and no threats. If you’re not a friend of mine, I’m not going to cater to your privacy wishes. Period. There is no law that says we can’t use first names as long as it’s not a public figure we’re insisting we had some wild affair with or something like that.

I’m sorry I let her appearance cloud my judgment. I normally see right through people’s bullshit. Had I not been so damn stupid where she was concerned, I could’ve seen what she was really after when she contacted me a few years ago, promising to always be my friend until she one day disappeared forever, realizing she’d gotten what she wanted and that I was no longer of any use to her. The dumb Jodi put up with her shit. The smart Jodi would slam the door in her face if she showed up here starving and homeless. She is just an absolutely miserable person that will no doubt continue to alienate people through her poor treatment of others, and I’m sure she still loves to use the law to get at those that piss her off, be it neighbors or anyone else. Probably still reads my blog here and there always looking for ways to screw me. shakes head sadly Some people are just born haters. I’m gonna end it right here. Thinking about her any more than I have to makes me sicker than sick. Why do some people hate themselves so much that they feel the constant need to make others just as miserable as they can, be it through the law or just by playing with their heads?

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2014 Last night I had a long detailed dream involving a visit to my still very much alive parents who wanted to pay to move us to Florida where they had a ground-floor apartment. The only catch was that we were still living in Phoenix, Arizona, and we had to stay with them until we got our own place. In reality, I would go back to Oregon before I stayed with them! I could stand my father but not my mother.

My dream self was torn because it isn't very often that somebody offers to pay you to move you long distance, but I didn't know how I could deal with having to sleep with Tom and the sleep schedule thing. Tom suggested that I simply explain it to my parents. I laughed at him and said, “You know how it is with people. When they don't get it, it simply doesn't exist. Period.”

I asked my father if it was quiet as we all sat in their living room. My mother said nothing and kept her eyes glued to the TV while Dad confirmed it was quiet. Pointing at the living room wall, I asked, is there somebody behind that wall? He nodded, and then I pointed to the opposite wall, which was in their kitchen, and asked if somebody was behind that wall as well. He nodded again.

In private I asked Tom if he thought maybe they were tired of us being so far away and if they liked the idea of us being closer to Tammy. He said he thought that could be part of it, but that we had to really be sure that's what we wanted to do since it wouldn't be that easy to get back out west once the move was made. Realizing we may never be able to move that far again until he was retired, I thought it through in my mind and decided we should go for it.

Suddenly, Andy and I were talking outside my parents’ place. He went inside the front door to wash his hands in the bathroom. A minute later, I followed, darting through the living room and by my dad who sat watching TV. I ran through to the back of the place, loving the feel of the solid floor beneath my feet that was on a concrete foundation, and then we slipped out the back door to go wherever.

I woke up for a minute, fell back asleep, and the dream actually continued with us returning to Phoenix to discuss things in further detail, and to Nane, who rented a room in our house for a steep $1200 a month, LOL.

Tom was taking a nap and Nane was packing her truck, telling me she planned to move on soon as well. I pretended to feel indifferent towards her as we spoke, but then I felt a twinge of sadness and I quickly kissed her goodbye before I turned and went indoors. I sat down to play a keyboard that had what I thought would be various sound effects programmed in it. Instead, they were simply clips of popular songs.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2014 Very disappointed in my bronze Tamsin statue of a sitting nude lady. She’s half the size of the other two I have from that series. The figurine is a fine sculpt; it’s just way too small.

As they say, we can’t just eat right and work out, we have to eat less in order to lose more than just a few pounds. So I cut back the last two days after I’d begun to climb and lost 5 pounds. Ah, but they will be back real soon, for we are going to Denny’s in a few hours for my final eat-out meal before Nutrisystem. I tried their peanut butter and fudge pancakes when Andy visited and they were so damn good. I must have one more round before the diet begins! Nutrisystem does allow for snacks; just snacks that are 100 calories a pop and not over 1000.

So the video backs up the officer’s claims of self-defense, huh? So what. People are going to pitch a fit over it anyway seeing that some people obviously believe they should be allowed to be the thugs that they are without repercussions.

Not much in the way of dreams last night. Just something about us still being with the Jes pest and him saying he would put the dogs in a spot that would bother the hell out of me when we left. He would never be that considerate in person. When it came to his mutts, he was going to do what he was going to do, and to hell with those it may’ve put out.

Later…

Just got done playing with the rats, one of whom did not want to go home and is utterly obsessed with my slippers. I was sitting on the couch and the slippers disappeared one by one underneath it. Then we played our chase games and I got some laundry started.

It's been a very quiet Christmas for what parts of it I've been around for. I thought there'd be lots of traffic coming and going and that people would have tons of company but it's pretty dead around here.

Last night we went to Denny’s and I had my last pre-Nutrisystem gourmet feast. A handsome young black man who was rather slow waited on us, but it was still nice. Well, with the exception of the homeless man nearby with the cough from hell. I guess it's safe to say that after all these hours whatever it was he had wasn't contagious.

I ordered pancakes smothered in peanut butter and hot fudge, eggs, bacon and French fries. Everything that’s fattening and unhealthy whether you have high cholesterol or not.

This weekend we will be ordering the Nutrisystem plan I have chosen and I will begin in early January. Tom wants to lose weight too, and wants this new high-tech scale that measures your body fat, lean mass, water weight, and bone mass. Not sure it’s worth it, though. I mean it’s just going to tell me I’m small-boned, have more muscle than the norm, get watery once a month, and aren’t that fat but could still stand to lose a little. I’ll let Tom decide if he wants it or not.

The best news is that it’s been one whole month since I needed a chill pill! Yeah, Doc C, I really needed a shrink to get to this point. spoken with sarcasm I couldn’t possibly have been on too high a dose of levothyroxine.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2014 So another black kid, Antonio Whateverthehell, got shot he was supposedly unarmed and as innocent as a newborn babe. And of course, it won't matter if the kid turns out to be a criminal who was actually threatening the cops into believing that their lives may be in danger because he was black, right? I mean so what if white people get shot too that don't deserve to be shot. After all, they're only white, and these days white lives don't seem to matter nearly as much. Do you see anybody rioting and looting for them? I sure don’t.

But I'm also the last person to be a fan of the cops. I know without a doubt the corruption that goes on within any law enforcement agency in the world. Remember, once upon a time I saw it firsthand. Many, many times. As soon as you deal with anybody with any kind of authority, you're almost always dealing with corruption. Despite the corruption out there, I know that color has absolutely nothing to do with the reason the vast majority of those get shot. They get shot because they’re criminals. Period. Act like a thug and you shall be treated like a thug. Are there some who are framed, or brought in on exaggerated, trumped-up charges? Absolutely. But that’s about power and control, not about color. The problem with most cops is that they want to “get” somebody. Anybody.

Yet in truth, if that many cops wanted to shoot people simply because they were black, there would be a million times more shootings going on, and I don’t have to be a legal or race expert to know this. Anyone with common sense could see this, but I realize most aren’t going to want to. A small handful of cops may be genuinely prejudiced, but the vast majority of them aren't, and if they are, they're not about to act on it. Not in this day in age where it’s not “politically correct” and people want to kill you for it. 50 years ago, sure.

I also realize that people are going to believe what they're going to believe. No matter what evidence is turned up along the way as they investigate this case, once people make up their minds about what to believe, nothing is going to change it. If it turns out that this cop is married to a black woman people will still run around saying that it was all about race.

Do I feel guilty or ashamed for what my own personal opinions and beliefs are? Nope. Absolutely not. I make no apologies for how I feel, “normal” or not, and neither should anybody else. As far as who’s right and who’s wrong in this particular case, I guess only time will tell. Or maybe we’ll never know. Maybe the only ones who can ever really know what happened are those involved, and one of them is dead.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2014 Signing in on what's a quiet day that will hopefully stay quiet. Didn't get up till early afternoon, so I don't expect that much noise anyway between now and when it gets dark. The only annoyance is that they just turned our water off. I’d have been pissed if I were in the shower.

All I remember from last night's dreams had something to do with Doc C and her parents and my parents all getting together in the same house. My parents decided they had to leave as soon as her parents got there, and I was hoping that her parents wouldn't think they left because they didn't like them or anything like that.

Suddenly I realized I was hungry and I looked in her refrigerator to find slices of bologna and a package of cheese slices. I didn't want to raid what little was in her refrigerator so I just peeled some of the edges off the bologna and ate that.

Then I saw a map of a floor plan lying on a table. It was the house that I knew she intended to get that was over 2000 square feet. Next to a room on the corner of the plan, she wrote, “Me and queer.” As I pondered who “queer” was, it then hit me that the party I was at probably had something to do with her getting this house. I wanted to chat with her but she was always talking with somebody else and I didn't want to rudely butt in and interrupt them. And so I remained more or less in the shadows watching the people mingle.

Cutting back my food intake yesterday paid off since I'm down 2.2 pounds. My weight had been starting to climb, though it could have been water retention. I'm trying to take it easy anyway and sort of prep my body for Nutrisystem. That's coming up in a couple of weeks or so from now.

Tom will be home in a couple of hours, and I wish it stayed lighter longer because then he might be more tempted to go on a bike ride with me. You know I think indoor working out is incredibly boring. It's better than nothing, though. I guess I'll go post this and then decide when I want to do today’s housecleaning.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2014 This isn’t going to be a very long entry since I don’t have much to say. I don’t even remember my dreams from last night. It seems my dentist and her assistant may’ve been in one of them, and then there was something about packing.

Well, Andy should be done packing and on his way back to winter after enjoying a week of summery weather. Our T-shirt weather came back yesterday, though today’s not as sunny.

I looked on Amazon and Walmart for ring holders, and sure they have some cute ones with nice shiny colors. But when I saw one of a cat whose tail is used to hold rings, I thought to myself, bet I could save $5 - $20 and find one of my animals has a suitable tail to hold rings. Sure enough, I have a cat and a dog with tails sticking straight up. Decided the Siberian husky would make the best ring holder. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to end up with 20 toe rings anyway. Not with how hard they are to get on and off and adjusted properly. They don’t slip on and off like rings, and if they do, you won’t have them for very long.

Later…

I love Andy like a brother but I hate so much of his personality these days. I'm trying to think of excuses for not checking in with him as much that he'll actually buy and be okay with. Well, he may not be okay with it, but he’ll at least get it. I don't want to get into any kind of sophisticated lie, of course, but I’m trying to come up with something that's simple and believable. If I just say I don't feel like being online as much he's not going to buy it. He will suspect something is up and that it has to do with him personally. I know him.

So Kim got mad at Aly and didn't talk to her for a while today. Aly was trying to point out that she has reading comprehension problems that she can get over with time just like she did. Well, she took it personally. Honestly, though, I think Kim is naturally dumb, maybe even retarded. I'm sure there's some kind of mental defect in her brain. After all, she's got to be on disability for a reason besides the fact that she's crazy.

I still don't understand why Aly, or anybody else for that matter, would choose to surround themselves with people that are that fucked in the head. I know it’s her life and all that, but she says that they go back 10 years and her feelings for Kim are complicated and not so black and white.

I know I did the same thing myself when I was younger as far as mixing with the wrong people. Stupidity and instability were all I seemed to attract, and I was too nice and too forgiving to walk away from it. But then one day I grew older and wiser, and walk away was exactly what I did. The older me would never in a million years be friends with the likes of Fran, Nervous, and probably not even Andy.

Why would anybody want to be friends with a known liar and stalker, though? With people that are so damn selfish that they lack empathy and don't care to pay attention to what their friends say. The constant stupidity alone would drive me crazy. Forget about all the lies and lack of sensitivity.

I know my growing pickiness has made me less tolerant, but whether or not my frustrations are right or wrong, I have no tolerance for brain-dead, selfish people who can’t shut up and haven’t an ounce of compassion for others.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2014 When I got up I heard people talking outside and thought the phone company was back, but nope. Then the landscapers came around that got rained out last week, and then the guy in the garage on the opposite corner began working in his garage. Although his sawing isn’t as loud as Bob’s since he’s a few houses away, it can still be heard on this side of the house. I swear every other garage is used as a workshop here. As Andy asked, what’s the point of having a retirement community if they’re going to allow such loud sounds? And damn the cock neighbors! Never have I had a female neighbor that sawed and hammered like this. Never.

I realized next door isn't on vacation after all. It later hit me that last year they also left their garage light on as a reminder so they would remember to turn their Christmas lights off before they went to bed.

Tom and I went out riding. I threw a few pieces of bread in my basket and we went down the “rollercoaster” and to the lake. We fed the ducks, then I sprinted off and really gave Tom a run for his money that left him out of breath, LOL. I’m gaining confidence as I get back to my old self. In less than a week, it will have been one month since I needed a chill pill and all the more reason I want to slap both my old docs for not recognizing that the problem was the meds and not me. I don’t care how hot one of them might’ve been! Again, it’s why I canceled the friend request if she even got it in the first place.

As I mentioned the other day, I sent Paula a letter. One of these days I'll give her a call, but right now I’m not in the mood to listen to her ramble on and on about the same old shit for an hour or so, and then realize when I hang up that all I said was “yep, uh-huh, yeah, oh, okay, sure.”

I was browsing Amazon Prime for new music. How is it that today's music has gotten to be so utterly boring as it has?

Safari was running awfully slow so I went back to Firefox. The only thing I'll miss is the autocorrect.

In last night’s dreams, I was dying my hair with a dye that dried instantly and required no rinsing, then I was living in my grandparents’ house, and finally, I was watching footage from long ago of a bunch of people being captured. I don’t know why or who they were, but we watched one little girl try to run off before some guy caught her. The people I was watching the footage with were trying to guess where they’d been taken. I seemed to think they were somewhere in Europe.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2014 What is today’s annoyance? Oh, just the phone company searching for bad wires around here somewhere, probably next door since they’re digging under their house. At least they aren’t running any loud equipment. Not yet anyway. I hear voices in the master bedroom, but nothing on this side of the house. That’s part of why I moved my office into this room; they’ve usually got a little too much going on over there between projects and services, though I haven’t heard any sawing or hammering since I last talked to him. I’m sure that’s more because of the weather than because he suddenly got hit with a dose of common courtesy.

The green waste people did pick up our green waste after all. It really looked like the truck just drove on by and ignored the bin. I'm glad they did pick it up after all.

Now the phone company people are gabbing on this side of the house and they just slammed something on one of their trucks 8 or 9 times. Packing up their equipment, I guess. What will it be tomorrow, the electric company again? The cable company? Or will someone have a tree cut down?

My hair is continuing to thin out and I wonder when it is going to stop. I suppose I should be glad since my hair was already so thick and thinner hair is certainly easier to manage. But I guess because I'm not used to having it thinner, I just don't feel comfortable about it. I hope it stops before I have to consider Rogaine for women.

I looked at the different Nutrisystem plans they have to offer. There are three of them and they range from about $260 a month to $330. I decided I'm going to go with the middle plan. This one lets me choose my own foods. I just don't have as much to choose from as with the third plan, but it’s enough.

When Tom told me our grand total of income for the last year and a half I was nearly blown away. $54,000! I couldn’t fucking believe it! Us, the people that were forced to live on just $1200 a month for two years! We have come a looong way! Can’t mention the specifics online. All I’ll say is that Maui's looking more and more possible, even if a million things could happen between now and when he retires. Still not sure if he’ll work till he’s 70, though. Not if things keep looking as good as they have been. Not sure if he’ll retire at 62, either. We could make it, but not as comfortably.

Last night I dreamed I was with 2 or 3 Italian women who looked like characters from a book I wrote years ago. Steve, this wonderful black guy who lived across the hall from me in an apartment building in Springfield, MA in 1990, was also in the dream. He was one of the greatest people I ever knew. Very smart, very friendly, very helpful. Had looks not mattered to me (he wasn’t ugly, but he was just there), I’d have married him. Glad I didn’t, though, cuz Tom’s even smarter and friendlier and even more helpful.

Anyway, I was trying to help the Italian woman with a computer problem but was only getting so far. So I called upon Steve and was so glad to see him. I ran to him for a hug and he lifted me off my feet during our embrace just like he would in real life. It sucks that I’ve never been able to find him. I’ve always wondered how he’s been over the years.

In the second dream, I was in Maui. I had gone with Aly and didn’t seem to know Tom. The hotel room looked like a regular room, only there was also an enclosed bedroom. I was asleep in the enclosed room and woke up in the middle of the night. When I stepped out of the room, it was pitch dark in the main room. I thought I saw movement in the darkness, though, and worried someone broke into the room, not thinking Aly would just walk around in the dark like that without saying anything. I turned on the light and found I was alone.

I heard a hotel staff member walk by outside and asked her what time it was. She said it was 4am and it worried me that Aly wasn’t back yet from wherever she’d gone off to when she dropped me off at the room earlier in the night.

I thought I overheard her mention fugitives to someone else and once again I wondered if something had been in our room. I quickly found my purse and made sure everything was intact, and it was.

Then I stepped through a part of the wall that only had a curtain hanging in that section of it and marveled at the perfect temperature and breeze. I realized how cold it would be back home at the moment. I could see people roaming about down on the beach despite the hour and looked up to see a surprising amount of stars visible in the night sky.

Then my worries went back to Aly’s whereabouts. I realized I had no idea how to get home on my own since she was the one who had been taking care of the ground and air transportation. Convinced I may never be able to get back to the mainland, I realized this was my chance to live in the perfect climate. Then I told myself to stop kidding myself. I said, “You can’t go without a place to live or without food. You can’t survive on the streets in an ideal climate any more than you could in a colder one. That’s why you nearly killed yourself, remember?”

Desperate to find Aly, I was off in search of my smartphone so I could see if I could get ahold of her, wherever she was, and that’s where the dream ended.

Later…

Just thought I would take some time to write down some thoughts, even though I'm actually speaking them right now. I just have to keep this private, since it’s about Kim. For the thousandth time, why the hell is it that this stalker is acting like she's the victim? Why has she blocked me on Twitter when she's the one that stalked me for many years?

It started when I checked out Aly’s followers out of curiosity. I found many of Kim's so-called fan pages in dedication to her celebrity obsession. That was when I noticed that she had blocked me as if I actually gave a shit. I don't know why it bothered me to see this, but it did. I really hate being treated like somebody I'm not, and I really hate to see others act like somebody they're not. I dumped this woman for lying to me and then she stalked me for years all the while playing the victim. Again, I know this shouldn't bother me and that I should just ignore it since it doesn't affect anything I do online, but for some reason, it really bothers me. Why do some people flatter themselves by thinking that people are giving them the attention they're not giving them? I just don't understand this, but if she’s as crazy as I think she is then she would really believe I’m watching her every move. Or maybe it's just one of the many roles that she likes to play. After all, she does love role-playing and she has admitted this herself. A part of me was tempted to make my tweets private, and then I decided not to let any of these trolls control my online actions. I'm not going to do anything because of what somebody else does, but because I want to do it.

The questions on Ask have stopped, so if it was Kim, she got scared off by my hinting at her street name, though I doubt it was Molly. Molly seems to have FINALLY let go and moved on from me. The reason I doubt Molly is because of the lack of blog views and because she’s so obsessed with Josh right now that she doesn’t even mention Aly. If she’s not focusing on Aly, then she sure as hell isn’t focusing on me. She wouldn’t go to Ask without going to Blogger.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2014 I "talked" out a 722-word letter to Paula, made some minor edits, then hit print. Amazing!

I was surprised yesterday when I heard Tom come home early. Well, they were having a Christmas party at work and he didn't think the food was very good so he left early.

After he came home we took the bikes out and rode for about a mile. He has an ear infection and I had cramps so we didn't want to go much further.

Last night I thought that next door might be on vacation because their garage light was on which they rarely ever have on. When they went on vacation last year the people that housesat for them left it on all the time, but it later went off so I guess they are not away.

Got some goodies in the mail (hey, I always do). Another one of those erotic figures made of cold cast bronze. Plus I'm going to put some of my work money towards a couple of new toe rings (which Google wanted to tell you were “toll rates”). One is blue glitter and the other is purple with a green vine-like design around it. I almost got a pink one with a dolphin, but wanted a design that wraps all the way around the ring. I hate it when the rings are upside down. I prefer rings that can never be upside down even when they are upside down.

Andy texted me to let me know it’s gorgeous in Pompano Beach. Not here. Here it’s raining, but I love how quiet it’s keeping things. Instead, Bob annoyed me in my dreams. I dreamed were actually attached to him and Virginia. Tom was taking a nap and I was just finishing up the dishes when I realized it was getting late in the afternoon. This made me hopeful that it would be quiet for the rest of the day, but sure enough, I heard what sounded like a drill start up. I woke up wondering if I should take the nicer route and say, “Hey, look. You can’t be doing shit like that around here with people so close to you.” Or should I just smash him over the head with the damn thing?

I am so fucking pissed! Last week they didn’t pick up our green waste. Tom called and was told it was recycle week that week. So we put our green waste bin out this week and the guy ignored it. I am going to be so fucking pissed if we were the ones that were right and they were the ones that fucked up!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2014 The instant I got up and clicked off my sound machine, I could hear Bob’s blower next door. This is the third day in a row too, that I got up at 9am. Guess something up there wants me to hear shit around here.

After his blower, and what might’ve been a few seconds of hammering, he got up on his roof to hose leaves off his carport roof.

I’m sure the park landscaping frenzy will begin any second now. I'm going to have to accept the fact that as long as we live here and as long as it's not raining or really hot, this place is going to be noisy whether I like it or not and whether I think a retirement community should be like this or not. We're going to be here for at least another decade unless we lose the place, so I am just going to have to learn to adapt once and for all. Quiet places may exist for others but they simply do not exist for me. Never has, never will.

My waste of time chat with Joy proves I need to just deal with it. After nearly two hours of something really loud running yesterday, I called and asked her why it’s a daily thing here while other places do their landscaping just once a week. I was surprised when she told me it was because if they don't keep up on it on a daily basis they not only get behind but they get calls with a lot of pissed-off people complaining. I am really surprised that people would rather hear all this racket for some pretty visuals. Of course you don't want the place to get too shabby looking but every single fucking day still seems a bit extreme to me. I realize, though, that the majority rules, and since I seem to be the only one here who’s bothered by it, they’re not going to change their routine anytime soon.

I realize that some of the racket could be coming from houses outside of the park as well as the golf course or the cemetery, but I really think it was inside the park.

Now I hear a car alarm going off. I may have to do my “talking texts” later in the evenings because it is just too distracting here in the daytime. At least it’s peaceful at night.

The “red lady,” as I have been referring to the woman across the street with the red SUV, has returned from wherever she was for a few days.

Later…

LMAO! I was trying to tell Aly via speech to text that I didn’t mind the parakeet we had over a decade ago singing when I was doing dishes, but would long to take a bat to the thing’s head when it would go on and on while I was trying to talk on the phone, and Google keeps saying I wanted to take a “bath.” LOL

Andy's on the plane now and on his way to his brother’s place in Pompano Beach. Hoping he forgot the damn Kindle! He should be busy having fun and doing things he doesn’t normally do, not playing online.

Tammy called yesterday and I decided to answer, figuring I wouldn't feel guilty about ignoring her as much as I hate chatting live as long as I answer at least every month or two, LOL. Most of the time I’m not even aware it’s ringing anyway.

She and Mark are doing the best they've done and probably what's years. They are now looking at manufactured homes for what I guess will be a retirement community. I told Tom that I warned her about having to deal with daily landscaping, but he had a good point in saying that maybe not because they don't have trees that lose their leaves there during the winter like we do here.

She is also continuing her work as a victim's advocate and says that her place is still quiet and the people are very friendly. I joke about moving in next door to her and how all that would change, and it's true, it would change if I moved in next to her. Noise loves to follow me wherever I go.

Anyway, she has Haitian neighbors that cooked dinner one night for them and she says it was really good.

I didn't know this but she almost died when she had a hysterectomy. I know she had a hysterectomy several years ago because of cancer, but I didn't know that she also had a staph infection that nearly killed her. So something up there likes to tease us both with death, I guess.

Last night I dreamed that I came upon a brown rat that looked like Tinkerbell, a rat we had about 8 years ago that was the best rat we ever had. She was just as friendly and playful as Tinkerbell was. She’d just had a litter of babies and I wanted to keep some of them, including her. I was watering some backyard somewhere and all the rats were sitting on the grass and I was trying not to get them too wet while I flooded a plant that had been drying out.

Then I had a dream involving my dad. I guess I was desperate or something because he handed me a wad of cash before they were to take him to prison for who knew what. I asked something like, “Will this save us?” and he looked at me as if to say of course it will.

Those bills must have been really big then!

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2014 They said it was supposed to rain today but right now it just seems very cloudy. Last night it rained quite a bit and there was even a bit of thunder.

People have commented on how well I am able to remember a lot of my dreams. Well, the trick is to repeat keywords to yourself upon waking up, and then jot down notes as soon as you get out of bed. I have to wait for a half-hour before I can eat or drink because of my meds, so that is when I usually write these things down.

From last night’s dream, the only one I really remember is getting up in the middle of the night. I left our house and went outside. It was still pitch dark out. I walked a short distance to another building and was going to unlock the door and enter it when I realized it was already open. I saw light glowing deeper within and for a split second, I was worried that somebody broke into whatever this other building was that was supposed to be ours.

But then I saw Tom sitting by either a TV or a computer.

“It's 4:30 in the morning,” I said to him, and he started to talk but I don't remember what he said.

The only other things I remember are just little snippets of things but no details. Me standing in a shower stall, me looking at a stack of candy, me looking at a video of myself on a beach somewhere and thinking that I really didn't look that fat after all. And then there was somebody speaking incorrect Spanish saying “la gato” when it should’ve been “el gato.”

While Google’s speech-to-text is still pretty damn accurate, it comes up with some funny bloopers at times. Yesterday I was telling Tom that I heard landscaping, someone sawing somewhere, and chainsawing as well. Sometimes I refer to landscaping as Laubsaugers, which is German for leaf blower, and it thinks those are either lob suckers or love suckers. It was hilarious when the thing said, “Today I got to hear one chainsaw, one circular saw, and a lot of suckers.”

It also decided that anxiety is society, so when I told Tom I doubted that what I was feeling was anxiety, it came out as “I doubt it’s society because you were home at the time.” Haha.

Here we go right now with the daily landscaping/Laubsauger gig. Every. Fucking. Day. :( I knew the park would blow off my email suggesting they limit it to once or twice a week, too. Some people/businesses are going to do what they’re going to do no matter what.

Later…

Tammy called yesterday and yack, yack, yack, yack, yack! What is it with people not letting me get a word in edgewise these days? Do they feel I’ll bore the shit out of them or something, LOL? It was great to chat with her, but still, it would be nice if some people could JUST LISTEN at times AND care enough to remember more of what I say than just their own experiences. shrugs She’ll remember enough, though.

It seems that everyone I’ve talked to by phone or in the park rambles on and on and cuts me off, except for Tom. Jesse was like that, too. I don’t understand why people do this to me, but because there are so damn many mouths in this world it must be a common thing and not just something people feel the need to do to me personally. There are, after all, a lot of selfish people out there.

I finally heard from Paula today. She sent a Christmas card. While that was very nice of her and it’s great to finally hear from her, I dread calling her because I know I’m going to get the same non-stop rambling with her, too. There is nothing more frustrating than finally getting a word in edgewise just to be cut off in the middle of a sentence. She’ll ask me something and I’ll say a sentence or two. Then she’ll ramble on and on about how what I just said relates to her and I can’t finish whatever it was I was saying about that particular subject in the first place. Drives me fucking crazy! It’s part of why I don’t socialize much offline; cuz I know the friendship would have to be all about them and not us.

The fact that I didn’t get to tell her shit about me by the time we finally hang up (not that she would care to remember most of it anyway), seems rather sad. It just seems all wrong when I realize to myself that if I want her to know what’s going on with me I’ll have to send her a letter even though we were just on the fucking phone for an hour.

Can anybody ever just shut up and listen? Sometimes I want to talk, too. Sometimes I have stories to tell about my own experiences, and guess what? They're just as interesting as yours!

Ah, it felt so good to get that off my chest! My husband and my blog seem to be the only places I can vent anyway, LOL.

I’m also wondering why the Michigan PBer just peeked in on me. She’s the one that dumped me, so why the interest all of a sudden?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2014 Well, I can no longer say it rarely rains here. Today is supposed to be dry and so I don't expect it to be very peaceful. The landscapers have already been in front.

Still loving Google’s speech-to-text! I just hate it when I have to clear my throat or something because then it confuses it. I like to speak-write my journal and whatever dreams I can remember from the previous night while I am waking up with coffee. It's just that for some strange reason I wake up a little congested. I have no idea why since I do not smoke.

Although I have never been a fan of holidays and I personally find them to be more of a pain in the ass than anything else, I really like the seasonal flavored coffee creamers they have at this time of year. I'm trying the Snickerdoodle right now and it's pretty good. Not as good as Crème Brulee but it is still good.

I already got this journal entry out of order because once I pause the microphone in between thoughts, it causes the cursor to jump back to the very beginning. I will have to remember this in the future and also organize this entry before I post it online.

The person who always used to say that text messaging was a complete waste of time has already sent text messages to both Tom and Alison. I would still have that very same attitude if it weren’t for the fun speech-to-text.

Tom threw away my raspberry jelly last night. His airheaded wife did not refrigerate it after opening it like she was supposed to.

After my coffee is finished I need to jump in the shower and wash my rapidly shedding hair. I just hope that it doesn't thin to the point of bald spots. Right now it is still long, thick and curly.

I paused this entry to shower and eat. My day has been off to a rough start. I couldn’t eat in peace, thanks to the landscapers, and then I felt like something was stuck in my throat, which set off my anxiety. And then I had the runs a few times. I think I’ll survive, though.

My heart’s been a little racy the last few days, or more so it’s been beating hard than fast. Really hope it’s not connected to the medication.

Tom called the green waste people yesterday but it turns out that last week was recycle week, not green waste. Oops.

Last night I had a dream that one of my Prosebox buddies nursed me back to health when I had a really bad flu. I guess Tom was really busy or something and she felt the need to jump in and help, LOL.

I also dreamed that I was held somewhere against my will. I don't know what kind of a place it was, though. It seemed like money was needed to get me out so maybe there was some type of ransom demanded. Tammy told me that she was going away for a few days and one of the things she was going to be doing was gambling. My dream self knew that somehow her gambling and winning money would help get me out of there. I started to slip and tell her that somebody (Jessie?) already told me she was going gambling and made me promise not to tell anybody that they told me. Wherever this place was, they couldn’t have treated me too poorly because I was telling somebody, “People give me tea here.”

Aly had her upper teeth pulled yesterday. Says there’s been more bleeding than pain, and of course it feels really weird. It’s going to take time for her to get used to.

Andy is to be going to Florida in a few days and he told me that he would keep in touch with me on Ask just like he normally does. This is because he is taking his new Kindle with him, admitting that he can't go a day without going online. I am so sorry that he got that damn Kindle! They obviously aren't keeping him busy and entertained enough during his vacations. I like the occasional breaks from Ask because then it makes it more special when he returns.

Starting to wonder if any of the questions on my other Ask account came from Mary. As in Mary G turned Mary D. Someone from Fort Meyers entered my blog from there last night after I received some questions.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2014 Smartphones will spoil the hell out of you. I can't imagine ever not having one at this point in my life. I love how I can use Google speech to text and speak my journal entry into an email to myself and then later I copy it into the journal itself. I’m not typing this at all. Might have to make a few edits, though I do that anyway before I post things.

This speech-to-text program seems to be a lot more accurate than Dragon’s and other software I have used. As long as you don't talk too fast and you enunciate each word as clearly as possible it really is a wonderful thing to have. Very convenient. I still hate to talk on the phone live, but I can't imagine ever living without a smartphone ever again!

When I got up at six in the morning it was raining and it still is so I don't expect much noise today. Tom is going to call the green waste people because they did not pick up our green waste last week. He still wants to trim the bushes and back but the problem is that we need someplace to put the stuff.

I noticed since I got up that the lady across the street wasn't home. In fact, she wasn't home last night either. We saw a vehicle with blinking lights in front of her house and thought it was a cop car or an ambulance at first. But then we realized that it was some sort of service truck. I just hope nothing's wrong with her and she is simply going away for vacation. She is too quiet of a neighbor to lose. It would be my shit luck to have somebody move in there that was noisy. Someone who would leave their dog out in the carport to bark during the nicer weather. Someone who would do woodworking projects there as well. I wish all my neighbors could be single females because it's usually the men who are a problem as far as noise goes.

Facebook continues to be fucked up. A friend of mine has been unable to post anything on her account and now Andy got a three-day block on his own account as well. As soon as they pull something like this on me I'm definitely going to deactivate.

Dreams: A spider was slowly crawling down the wall of the bedroom. I grabbed a tissue and went to kill it but then I found that it was faster than hell. It continued on down the wall until it hit the floor and then it ran across the floor and disappeared.

Then I had a dream that we were living in what appeared to be a duplex. There was a Mexican couple living next door. I looked out our window and saw a bunch of cars, indicating that they were having a lot of company. A split second later I was next door with them. The woman was in her kitchen and the bedroom was right behind it and adjacent to our own bedroom. She said that her husband was asleep and they were trying to be quiet so they didn't wake him up. I had to wonder how the hell he could sleep through that many guests, quiet or not.

The last dream took place by what was either a river or a canal that was about 20 feet wide. Some woman walked up and approached the stairs that descended into the water on one side and I told her to be careful. “Okay,” she said.

Next thing I know she dives into the water and swims out into the middle of the canal. I thought to myself that the water had to be absolutely freezing. She then looks down into the water as if she's curious as to how deep it is and then submerges herself underwater. Soon I can barely see her head about 4 feet below the surface. It was at that point that I started to get really nervous.

Why is it that when I have dreams pertaining to sex it is usually me getting it on with myself and not somebody else getting it on with me? In another of last night's dreams, I was super horny and I went into the bathroom to put on this really sexy outfit, though I don't know why I would do such a thing. When I got back onto the bed thinking of some hot chick while I was at it, I came before I even got started.

Later…

I am still no closer to figuring out who is asking me questions on ask. My suspicions still lie with Kim or Molly. I do have a few other theories as well. There are so many people it could be for various reasons. The person asked me why I haven't updated my my-diary lately. This is the exact same question they have asked me before. So if it isn't Kim or Molly, it is at least somebody who is connected to that site or at least very aware of it. Could it be that Noone that loved to complain that I complained too much? I highly doubt that it is Molly's mother because she still should be in pretty bad shape.

Molly doesn't often mention her mother in her blog. It is mostly about her mixed emotions about Josh and the people at Marbridge making her life hell, supposedly. The only thing that goes against it being Kim is the correct spelling. The thing that goes against it being Molly is the lack of her appearing to visit my blog.

I also wonder if it could be someone else I know or have known. Andy, Tammy, Eileen, Mitch, Aly, someone in Arizona, etc. First guess is still Kim or Molly. If it is Kim, that would mean she’s not as scared of me as Aly says she thinks she is. I hinted at knowing where she lives (Kim), so if they suddenly stop asking me questions, I might suspect it was Kim and NOW she really is scared of me.

Aly says Molly messaged her on thoughts, but since she can’t delete her account there, she’s just ignoring it.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2014 It has been cold, dry, and at least somewhat noisy during the daytime. I have heard sawing for the last two days that is really distracting and annoying. Don’t think it’s coming from inside the park, though. This is the shit I thought I left behind in the woods of Auburn, but apparently not.

Although I know it won’t do me any good, I finally went to the park’s website and gave them a piece of my mind on the daily landscaping and the allowing of loud power tools for unnecessary work. They have sections designated for gardening, so why not for woodworking, too? And why don’t they restrict both the park and the homeowners to just 1 or 2 days a week with the landscaping? This is a retirement community. I should be peaceful! Yet in the morning, I will have to listen to the park do the same area they just did barely 24 hours ago, then in the afternoon I will hear so and so trimming bushes, and then in the evening so and so will be out to saw, hammer, mow or blow.

So last night I was packing our things in my dreams from some really big room on an upper floor. Andy came upstairs at one point and I told him to tell Tom I’d be done in 10 minutes. Yet the more I packed the more it still seemed I had tons of stuff to pack.

I then dashed throughout the room and said something like, “Thank goodness for being in shape.”

I also pulled a tiny corner shelf out of the wall and noticed that the lights kept turning off on their own.

Then my VH sister Becky appeared and suddenly it was daytime.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2014 Supposedly, Kim found me by accident on Prosebox, freaked out and is considering leaving there that’s how scared she is of me since I let her know what I would do if she continued not to leave me alone. This is what Alison told me anyway. Also according to Aly, she’s so scared of me that she doubts she reads my tweets or would be asking me questions on Ask, even anonymously.

I love it when stalkers play the victim. rolls eyes Anyway, I first thought it might be Molly, but the spelling is too correct, Molly’s only online every few days from what her Josh blog says, and she never peeked in my blog. I just find it odd that she would check me out on Ask and not my blog. Then again, I also find it odd that she hasn’t mentioned Aly in so long. Too preoccupied with Josh maybe? Molly also says in her blog that she’s only online every few days, so we’ll see if they ask things when she appears to have updated her blog.

The questions appear to be from someone who’s questioned me anonymously in the past, based on the wording, but they’ve been innocent questions like do I celebrate holidays and things like that. They do, however, seem afraid to identify themselves. They ignore me when I ask if I ever talked to them before on a blogging site.

I checked to see if gifts could be sent without an account, and they can. They just can only be sent anonymously that way, of course. Maybe this is the same person that sent me a birthday gift. Whoever it is definitely wants to keep their identity secret and I can only think of two reasons why. They’re either someone who knows I can’t stand them, or they might feel I’ll be more truthful in my answers if they don’t reveal who they are. Can’t say they’re fishing for personal info, because nothing personal has been asked of yet pertaining to my location or anything like that.

It could be anyone – Kim, Aly, my own sister, a VH sister, Eileen, Christine, Nane… anyone. Pretty sure they’re in the US based on their apostrophes, which look sort of backward in EU, though I can’t speak for other continents because I’ve had limited contact with people over there as opposed to EU.

Did a little test to see if they came to their own defense by impersonating them with additional questions I made sure appeared to be from them. Anonymously, of course. I had them say things like they would tell me who they were in time, but could I guess in the meantime? It will be interesting to see if they go along with it or not.

Maybe I’ll even do an Andy test to see if my suspicions are right about him liking to talk about something the less I want to hear about it. On Facebook, I can make a post only he can see when I start my diet, asking people to go easy on the food talk and see if he turns right around and mentions food two seconds later.

I definitely agree with a point Tom made earlier in that part of his memory issues is a personality thing. He’s selfish, as he himself admitted. Selfish people tend to only remember their own experiences.

Later…

The weekend is here! Tom’s still asleep, but later on we’ll be going to Walmart. I hope he’s up before it gets too crowded.

It also looks like the weather will be nice enough to get in a bike ride. It’s supposed to be dry all weekend. The rain is to return on Monday. Perfect timing! Our highs are only in the 50s these days and right now it’s a chilly 48°.

For dreams, I was sitting with Tammy somewhere and bitching to her about the lack of home jobs available for those unable to work outside of home.

Then I got a quick “glimpse” into the past and viewed a scene of my mother and her mother in a kitchen somewhere. My mother couldn’t have been a day over 16. My grandmother was still somewhat thin and had her hair pulled back in a ponytail. What is it with this bitch showing up in my dreams so much lately anyway?

Then I had a dream Aly was in. It was as if I didn’t know Tom. I don’t know where she and I were living at the time, but we were planning to get an apartment together. She was to take care of the expenses and I was to take care of everything else.

So we were at some club and the dance floor was packed. Some German guy that spoke no English kept badgering Aly for a dance but she wasn’t interested. She told me to tell him to back off and I did. The guy took off and Aly said something about how I seemed to know a lot of German. “Well, we know who to thank for that,” I said.

She then pulled me by the arm toward the dance floor and said, “Well, I’m glad you’re not friends with her right now. Let’s dance!”

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2014 Still raining out. Hasn’t rained like this in years! I’d rather be on the beach in Maui, but it sure is keeping things quiet around here.

Felt a touch jittery yesterday, but nothing serious. I’m fine now and I hope I stay that way. It’s been two weeks since my last chill pill, which might be a record for me.

I just wish I wasn’t so torn on things at times! Should we get a kitten or stick to rats? Should I cut my hair to my shoulders or let it keep growing? It’s almost to the middle of my back when pulled straight. Do I try Nutrisystem for a month or do I just stay the way I am since I’m only a little overweight?

Had a dream that I was in the house where I grew up that was next to my maternal grandparents. The only difference was that you could see into their backyard in the dream from the cellar window which didn’t exist in real life and wasn’t as huge as this one was. Nana was in her backyard leading an aerobics class or something. She saw me looking out the window at her and she mouthed the words, “Yes, you can do this too,” with body language that hinted at sarcasm. I was busy doing laundry, though.

Later…

Sometimes I still wonder about Andy. Is he really having memory issues, or just playing with me? His admission yesterday sort of confirmed that he likes to gross me out/annoy me when I commented on a pic of a hairy guy he posted being gross. His response was that he “loves showing me pics of hairy guys.”

And other things he knows I don’t like or care for? I’ve wondered this at times. I mean it’s just a coincidence (or is it) that he posts a pic of pizza after I mentioned on Facebook that my meds were making me hungry. How about when I mentioned, also on Facebook, signs of those preoccupied or even obsessed with food and then he turns around and mentions what he’s having for dinner? There was something else he recently did that made me wonder, and well, I’ve had these same suspicions all along.

The memory issues and the OMG stupidity are getting to me, too. How many times do I have to explain the same goddamn things to him? He last asked me if there were others I texted besides Tom. Just 5 hours earlier I told him I texted with Aly. I asked if he was reading my questions/answers in haste, and I get, “What do you mean, reading in haste?” I am so ready to beat my head into the wall where he’s concerned! Just what is it with him??? Early dementia? Just not paying attention? Not giving a shit? Playing games? This isn’t just an issue of forgetfulness, but an issue of stupidity as well. He just doesn’t get things you would think most people would get.

I don’t know what’s worse at times, whether it’s intentional or not, the way he at least appears to go out of his way to offend or gross me out, his memory issues, or his stupidity. If he truly is suffering from memory loss lately, that can make him appear dumber than he actually is. I’ve thought of suggesting that he ask his doctor about it, but I figure he’ll just get offended as if I were attacking him and then counterattack by throwing my sleep disorder in my face or something.

Although it’s conceivable that he could be playing with me with the memory thing, since I know that if he can play with me on other things he could with this too, but at this point I think his memory issues are very real. I just don’t know what’s causing it. My guess is all the years of being a pothead. It really does fry the brain.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2014 Dear Levothyroxine: Thanks for making me feel better. I am no longer dizzy. I am no longer moody or anxious for no apparent reason whatsoever. I don't go from hot to cold as much. I'm not skinny but I have a nice hourglass shape and can now eat what I want without gaining weight so long as I run or ride my bike a few miles a day. My voice is no longer hoarse at times and the burning sensation is gone too. Now will you PLEASE STOP KNOCKING THE HAIR OUT OF MY FREAKIN HEAD?!

The more I get back to my old self and think about Doc Sexy, the more pissed off I get. I know she told me my ingrown toenail might grow back, but had she done it right the first time around, we wouldn’t have wasted hundreds of dollars for nothing.

Secondly, and as Tom pointed out months ago, I didn’t need a shrink (which I did not see), I needed a dose of medication that wasn’t too high for me. Giving me a low dose of lorazepam at the time was fine and even the counselor referral was ok too, but a shrink that can give me medication just so I can take a dose of another medication that’s too high for me? That’s just ridiculous! To think that she and two other so-called pros told me to keep on taking 75mcg when it was making me feel like utter shit really pisses me off.

She was good for the biopsy I had done and she was good for the rash I had as well, so I can’t go so far as to say she was a bad doctor. She was great in many ways, but definitely wrong for me as a whole. Maybe if I’d had the problems I had years ago with asthma and allergies she would’ve been just fine, but with my current situation I definitely did right by giving her up and I definitely did right by dropping Dr. D and Sutter altogether.

I also withdrew the friend request I had sent her, but I honestly doubt she even got it, or the message I sent her, knowing how glitchy Facebook can be. The message I sent never came up as being seen. Why would she read it and then mark it as unread? Most likely because she didn’t get it or the friend request, but it doesn’t matter. Hottie or not, I don’t care to be friends with her at this point, though I do wish her the best of luck in life.

The wind is whipping and I forgot to write down my dreams as soon as I got up, so I wouldn’t forget them. Damn!

We’re supposed to get 5” of rain today! That’ll keep things quiet around here as it should be for being a retirement community. All I hear is the wind and wind chimes right now.

SMUD arrived at 8:30 yesterday morning, but didn’t turn off the power till around 9:15. They replaced the transformer diagonally from us that serves something like 9 houses. Didn’t realize our electricity ran underground, but it does. For someone who’s normally observant, it’s strange that I never realized till yesterday that there are no utility poles or power lines running from house to house.

After they lifted the transformer off the truck with a crane and put it in place, the power came back on about 20 minutes later. In the meantime, I texted Tom, Andy, Tammy and Aly. That Google speech-to-text thing can get addicting! It’s fun to use, though not always accurate.

Tom read an interesting article about rats. Unlike dogs and cats, which have been pets for thousands of years (well, dogs aren’t usually pets in the West), rats have only been pets for about 100 years. Rat catchers used to gather rats from people’s homes in the early 1900s, throw them in a pen with a dog, and then people would bet on how fast it would take the dog to kill all the rats. Disgusting and cruel!

I also learned that more of the rats have names besides the hooded ones. Cream-colored rats with a spec of brown on the nose like my Sugar ratty are Himalayan rats. Dark brown rats with white paws and bellies like Romeo was are Berkshire rats. If they have colored heads with stripes running down the back like Hoodie, they’re Hooded. If they only have colored heads, they’re Capped.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2014 After growing horribly weak and thin, especially over the last few days, Romeo finally died yesterday morning shortly after Tom left for work. I was surprised he hung on as long as he did, though I thought he’d make it another day or two. He now rests under the cypress trees.

I’m surprised Sugar outlived him after having a stroke last May, but he’s only a month or two younger, so I don’t expect him to make it to the spring.

Young Hoodie is getting to be a real attention whore, haha.

Still torn about getting a kitten. They’d be less work and I like the idea of having a pet that lives more than just 2-3 years. They don't catch on as fast as rats even though they can learn some things. One thing Tom recently read is that they have an inability to think things through and will do things like climb to high places without making sure they can get back down first. A rat, however, is intelligent enough to think before climbing, and they will. I also don't know where I'd move some of these breakables to, so we'll see.

Completed Dutch Basics 1, Basics 2, and Phrases, and now it’s on to Food and then Plurals.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2014 I rejoined Tumbler a couple of days ago and couldn’t think of a creative username at the time, so I grabbed one of their suggestions – ButteryHappyLand. Tom got a kick out of it. I’m backing up entries by the month there. Meaning that a whole month’s worth will go in one long post. The posts will be separated by giant HD photos for those with large screens to enjoy. I’ve got the late 80s and most of the 90s posted.

It just really annoys me when people follow me there or on sites like Twitter for all the wrong reasons. Meaning that they want me to buy something from them. They don’t have a genuine interest in my blogs/tweets.

Tom and I are going to ride the perimeters really early this morning. Really hope my little heart can handle the hills! It should be ok with the gear wheel. I’m so glad he likes working out with me because I’m definitely not ready to go out there alone.

Last night I dreamed I was lost in a huge building and asked a stout black lady for directions to get somewhere. She told me to take the elevator up a few floors and exit the back door. I guess the elevator had two doors and the place I was looking for was on a back floor.

In another dream, I was at the home of my maternal grandparents. For some reason, I was terrified of Pa and believed that Nana was, too. I ran down the hallway and into a bedroom where I called the police on my cell.

They asked me for the number of the house, but I couldn’t think of it. Finally, I just said, “Look for Berkeley Dr. I grew up there and my grandparents are in the house to the left.”

It seemed like I was on the phone with them forever and I finally said, “Why hasn’t anyone shown up yet?”

Just when I thought they’d hung up on me or the connection had dropped, the dispatcher said, “Some would say you’re the problem.”

“What?!” I said with confusion and frustration. Not knowing what they were implying or wanting to deal with people who obviously weren’t willing to help me, I ran out into the living room to see if Nana was ok. She appeared to be asleep on the couch while Pa sat in a chair nearby. Although his eyes were open and glued to the TV, I thought he was asleep.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2014 Although these rats have fooled me before and have defied death, I'd say Romeo's days are definitely numbered. He's anorexic, can barely move, and is old as hell in ratty years.

Andy thanked me for not dumping him after he visited (I don’t know why he thought I would do that at such a time).

After the guilt bit me on the ass after "frivolously" dumping people years ago simply because I needed to "clear my head" or "find my way" or because I "didn't need" a particular person in my life, I vowed to be a better, more devoted friend. I may get annoyed with some people at times just as they do with me, but from here on out, in order to qualify for a Jodi dumping, you must have the following traits:

The inability to accept me as I am without trying to control, change or judge me (though this doesn't mean you can't kindly tell me the color yellow looks shitty on me).

The ability to lie to me.

The willingness to use and abuse me at will to suit your own personal pleasures.

An obvious lack of compassion and empathy should I become ill, poor, pissed, mad, sad or fearful of something be it a pack of angry wolves or the paperclip in my desk drawer.

If you do not have any of these traits then you do not qualify for me to stick my finger down my throat and purge you out of my life.

So that’s basically it! I mean there are a few other things that could drive me away – making false accusations against me, becoming overly clingy/demanding, having major trust issues, which basically means you wouldn’t believe a damn thing I (or anyone else) said, or acting extremely moody/contradictory. It has always annoyed the hell out of me when people feel one way one minute, then another the next, on a constant basis, or when they can’t follow through with their word. Excessive repetitiveness gets to me at times too, when all people want to do is discuss the same damn few subjects all the time, most of which I know nothing about and probably don’t want to. It’s highly unlikely I’d let someone go for being repetitive, though. We all get hung up on certain things at times. Oh, and I could definitely do without stupidity and immaturity at times, too.

Dreams: I had a pet snake that crawled under a friend’s chair which I pulled out. The friend ran scared anyway. I also had a puppy or a small dog and was watching a reality show where a woman met some people she’d known in her abusive childhood, and was saying she had forgiven one woman who was particularly nasty to her in school.

In the last dream, I hadn’t seen Tom for 9 years, though I have no idea why. I asked him what his best and worst experiences were during those years. He said his best was a computer program he wrote, and his worst was a foot injury.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2014 The Internet has become just as annoying as it is fun and useful. Everywhere I go I see nothing but links and comments about race, race, race! Nothing but race! Everything’s about race these days. Funny too, since true racism – true honest-to-God racism – is relatively rare these days, and the vast majority of racism claims are either fabricated or twisted in some way to be a lot more than it actually is. But why oh why are people – both blacks and whites alike – so damn blind to see this??? Perhaps they just don’t want to. Nothing’s changed for me, though, and I make ZERO apologies for my feelings either. Act like thugs and I’m going to see you as thugs. Keep on being responsible for over 80% of the crime in this country and crying racism when you don’t get your way and I’m not going to have an ounce of respect for you.

Apparently, England doesn’t have the double standards America has with allowing blacks to shit on whites while crucifying whites for shitting on them (or who they imagine are shitting on them). I don’t know the details, but it has to do with something about a black athlete being charged with a racist Instagram message. It’s nice to see that it’s not ok for blacks to do what they accuse us of doing there, but damn has political correctness gotten way out of hand! Black or white, no one should be charged for something they say or write. What they do, maybe, but for words alone? If you threaten a minor, perhaps, but because you spoke your mind in a place no one was forced to listen/read?

I’ve joined in Andy's canning excursion only we’re not going to go out driving to collect cans. Instead, we’re going to stop throwing ours in our recycling bin. I was bitching to Tom the other day that I wasn’t making as much as I’d like lately on the Turk. The Turk fluctuates, and the more you do the less you qualify for since they don’t want the same people doing the same tasks. I told Tom months ago that while I appreciate his offer to buy me whatever I want, I like to work too (other than keeping house) and don’t mind working for Amazon goodies and other fun things that aren’t necessities. So while I won’t quit the Turk completely, I will now also be saving and bagging cans and bottles instead of throwing them in our recycling bin. We were doing that just because it was convenient to do so and didn’t need the extra money. But we have plenty of room in this place to store the extra bags, so why not? Most of the things I like lately are under $50, so why not have the cans and bottles pay for them?

I have felt sooo much better since going back on the meds. Never thought I’d say that, but as long as I’m not on a dosage too high for my body to handle, I definitely feel a lot less dizzy. Even my throat and anxiety are better and I’m not going from hot to cold as much. Funny how in the last couple of weeks I’ve felt the best I’ve felt in months after this very medication caused me a shitload of problems, and then even more problems after I stopped taking it. I haven’t even thought of chill pills lately. I still have plenty on hand as I’m not about to let myself suffer if I need them, but anxiety’s been the last thing on my mind lately and I hope it stays that way for a good long time! TFG what happened a few months ago didn’t happen while we were in Hawaii. What a disaster that would’ve been!

Got my new HP 10” Pavilion laptop/tablet and it’s going to take some serious getting used to. It’s got Windows 8, so the first thing we did was beef up the security as best we possibly could. I’m no longer used to Windows, and less safe or not, it’s going to take some learning since it’s changed so much when I was last using XP and Vista. Vista was horrible, but I did like XP despite the crashing and viruses. I just hope I don’t get any viruses! This thing isn’t going to replace my big Mac but just be something I use in addition or when I’m not home. If there are any issues with it, I’ll just spend the grand or so it’ll cost to buy myself some safety and get something similar in a Mac. We didn’t pay much for this thing. It was something like $230 and $144 of it was paid for with our Walmart savings. No one wants to believe it unless they’ve had Macs for as long as we have, but Macs really are that much safer. It has to do with the way they’re built and how easy it is for people to get at your stuff. If outsiders can get in and access things, so can the viruses.

Tom is coming up with better story ideas than I am lately. I have a rainbow-covered paper journal which I bought to take to Hawaii with me. Besides using it for the trip (and any future trips) I write quick one-page updates each month. The idea is to contribute to the little library the previous owners left here when we either move or die. That way if the next people want to, they can read about our lives here.

“Should I mention that Andy said he sensed Gene?” I asked Tom. That’s when he said it’d make for a good story if someone moved into a house to find a book all about these supposed hauntings. They don’t believe it at first until they experience it firsthand, and of course no one else believes them at first either.

The electric company is going to shut our electricity off for an hour Wednesday morning, which probably means 3 hours, and I thank fucking God I’ll be up at that time. I’d have been pissed as hell if I were to be sleeping. They’re probably going to replace a transformer or something.

Dreams: First one I remember dealt with an old neighbor of mine named Jimmy. He lived below me in the late 80s back in MA. I was visiting him or something and he had an arm in a cast after a severe shoulder injury. The apartment I lived in on the 4th floor above him was also Andy's condo in part of that dream.

A fleeting glimpse of a huge, old, ugly stainless steel microwave, and then Tom pulling me down next to him on a loveseat by a set of stairs while someone knocked on the door… and then a dream that took place here.

I was home alone and in the living room. The dining room window was further toward the right than it actually is. I saw two dark-haired guys in their 30s or 40s with white dress shirts and dark pants walk by. I knew they were heading for the back door. Not wanting to be bothered, I dropped to the floor thinking I could at least observe them without them seeing that someone was actually home.

Next thing I know they’re trying to pry the door open. The idea was to scramble to my feet and defend my home. I didn’t like that there were two of them, but doing absolutely nothing at all was no alternative. However, I couldn’t seem to push myself up off the floor. It was as if I suddenly weighed hundreds of pounds. When I finally did get up, I kicked the door shut just as it opened, but there was no one there. Thinking they’d slipped into the house somehow without me seeing them, I ran through the place in search of them, but I was alone.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2014 Been getting views from Davis, not too far from here. It’s a college town. One of the hits from there said it came from the office of the president. Being a college, it definitely can’t be anyone I know.

Looks like I tweeted about last night but didn’t blog about it. Well, we went to Denny’s and Walgreens. I was surprised at just how many people were out and about so late on a Thursday night. Dinner was delicious, though I’d have preferred not to eat it to the tune of 60-year-old Christmas songs blasting away. I was eventually glad for the racket since it did drown out those disgusting eating sounds Tom loves to make. Still, not everybody likes the same music and they shouldn’t force it on customers, even if no one’s forced to eat there.

My steak was a bit tough but good. With it, I had French fries, scrambled eggs and pancakes. Tom got a cheeseburger and fries.

At Walgreens, we both got some candy, and I got a set of 18 tiny bottles of nail polish, 5 of which are glitter topcoats, for just $10! I’d much rather have more small bottles in a variety of colors than fewer big bottles.

Still doing my Dutch lessons. It’s way more similar to German than it is to English, but not quite as difficult because you don’t have umlauts.

I moved the rats back into the bigger cage, but not the skinny-barred cage. I put them in the ferret cage. This way they can have more room and I don’t have to change it every few days.

Speaking of the rats, I had a dream one of them was in a suitcase I had taken somewhere. Not that I would pack my rats in a suitcase, of course, haha, but in the dream the airline lost the suitcase and I was frantically trying to get help with getting a hold of it because I believed the rat would be dead in a day or two.

In another dream, I was either staying or living somewhere where the weather was very summery. I stepped out of what I guess was a house and toward the road. To my right, the street ended a few houses down and I could see kids playing in that direction. To my left was a pool and straight ahead was the ocean. I seemed to be contemplating which one to take a dip in.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2014 Although it puts me at risk of being stalked (since you just never know how people are going to react when you go off on them) I let one of my Prosebox followers in Michigan have it for bitching about me in one of her posts when her frustrations should've been voiced directly to me. It's ok to bitch in your blog about people. We all do it here and there. That’s what a journal is for; to write about the people, places and experiences of our lives. But still… she could have and should have come to me as well instead of being so damn rude, childish and immature about a lousy privacy error before she either hid or removed the entry! Did I go to HER? You bet. I'm not afraid to confront the source, and that’s just what I did.

Meanwhile, I apologized to those who were put out by my accidentally flooding bookmarks, and who handled it like adults without acting like it was done deliberately or like I did something a helluva lot more annoying than just flood bookmarks.

I thought about blocking her, but I usually only resort to blocking when I’m being trolled or spammed. So since I have nothing to hide, blocking isn’t necessary and hopefully, it won’t be in the future either, but that’s up to them. I know that like me, they have no children and they don’t work outside of home, so they have enough time on their hands to become a nuisance if they really want to at which time I will deal with them accordingly. I don’t expect them to make trouble for me, thus for themselves as well, but that’s what I thought about a couple of others who did just that for years. So… we’ll see.

When I’m not accidentally uploading a bunch of drafts to a private book that I accidentally set as public, I usually make an average of 1-3 posts a day. If that’s too much for you, I told them, feel free to unfollow me. :) After all – and I mean no offense whatsoever to those I’ve met there who have been super kind to me – I didn’t go there to make friends. I use the site as a means of storing backups of my writings. Friends that come of it are just a byproduct of this action. :)

I haven’t heard from Nane, and don’t care if I do or I don’t hear from her. I hope she won’t take that the wrong way if she reads my blog, but I’ve become rather indifferent as far as she’s concerned. Whatever happens, happens. I still feel she is a wee bit too hypocritical and judgmental for my tastes and I respect myself enough not to put up with that sort of thing. It wasn’t the first time I’d had this problem with her. Once or twice I will point it out to a person, let them know I don’t appreciate being treated that way, and then if they still can’t accept me as I am, I cut ties with them and move on.

It’s ok not to like fish like I do, but must I be bashed and insulted for my own tastes? Also, making fun of someone for their fears or problems isn’t the way to help them deal with it. While we had a lot of good chats and she’s a very interesting and intelligent lady, she also showed me a side of her that can be very insensitive and lacking in compassion. There are 7 billion people in the world. No need for me to put up with those who have to judge and criticize half the things I say and do, nor is there any need to put up with others who don’t meet our expectations when we can just move on without bothering to try to change them. Like trying to get a mystery lover into romance novels when there are enough mystery lovers in the world!

So… yes, I will talk to her if she can contact me while letting me be who I am, and yes, I will be ok with it should she choose never to contact me again.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2014 Slept late for my 49th birthday today and am glad I did. That way we can go to Denny’s for steak and eggs late enough for the brats to be tucked in for the night, but a little too early for the drunks.

I finished my Dreams book and will have a lot of editing to catch up on throughout the night, plus I try to take a Dutch lesson each day.

Tom and I worked out together. I’m so glad he found a form of exercise he really enjoys, but damn do I miss riding the bike around the park! It’s been too cold, too wet, or just not a good time for that lately, and of course I can’t work out alone for fear of any heart explosions. It will be a while before I feel comfortable doing that, depending on how long I can go without it beating really fast and hard.

I was surprised, delighted, and frustrated over the fact that someone on my first Ask account bought me a little birthday gift. :) The frustrating part was that they chose to do it anonymously, so I am not only racking my brains trying to guess who it could be, but I am unable to thank them. I would guess, however, that if they cared enough to buy me the gift, then they must know me well enough that they might read this. If they do… thanks whoever you are!

Later…

Spent most of my birthday sleeping, relaxing, reading, writing, eating and working out. Life is good, even though I'd skip to age 50 if I could. The number 4 is a very unlucky number, and I certainly wouldn't want to get any younger with a husband 8.5 years older.

Andy had me cracking up the other day. Right before he left I asked him for a piece of gum. He said he hated to say no to me, but was low and the gum was like his cigarettes. I told him no problem. Yesterday, though, he said he regretted saying no after all we’d spent on him. We didn’t spend that much, but I get where he’s coming from, even though I really shouldn’t be having gum with my sensitive teeth anyway. Where it really got funny was when he said, “On the train, I wouldn’t let myself have that piece as punishment since Gloria’s pool wasn’t available.”

Back in my 20s when I was into celebrities like most young people tend to be, I had a huge crush on Gloria Estefan. In cold, snowy, boring, old, ugly Springfield, Massachusetts where I lived at the time, I would often imagine to him what it would be like to visit her lush mansion in sunny, warm Florida. Andy would joke about me being her servant and how she could make me swim laps in her glorious pool to punish me whenever I’d step out of line, haha. So that’s where Gloria’s pool came from. :)

In last night’s dreams, I was at a restaurant with a few people. I don’t know who they were, but we were getting pissed that the waiter left our tray of food just sitting on the counter. I got up to let him have it just as he finally brought the tray to our table. Then a baby started screaming nearby and the mother smacked it. Literally. Only each time she smacked it, it would start screaming in a different language.

Then I had a dream I saw Teri, a Facebook friend, only Teri wasn’t Teri in the dream. She had some weird name instead, but I don’t remember what it was.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2014 I’m so wowed by all this rain! I slept most of the day and had I gotten up to find Romeo gone after the dream I had, I just might wonder if there really could be an afterlife after all.

Tom’s looking forward to once again having 4 days off. Not sure how much fun we can have together, though, LOL. We’re kind of on opposite schedules right now, but he can adapt a lot easier than I can, so we’ll see.

His BP medication makes him cough, even though it’s a low dose. I told him that if they raised the dose he’d sound like a smoker and he said that if he keeps working out consistently he shouldn’t need them much longer. That’d be great. I’m all for choosing the natural way over drugs anytime that’s possible. If giving up eggs meant never needing statins again, so be it, but my cholesterol isn’t high because of what I eat. It’s high because of hypothyroidism. No wonder my old doc didn’t take the time to stress low-cholesterol menus with me until I came to learn and understand more about this shit.

Romeo can be affectionate, but for the most part, he’s not nearly as friendly and as into cuddling as Sugar is. In the dream, though, I opened the cage door and sat down on the floor a few feet in front of it with a piece of bread in my hand. One of the rats climbed up to the top of the cage, but Romeo hobbled out and headed toward me. Instead of taking the food, all he wanted to do was cuddle. It was like he was saying goodbye or something, but he was still alive even though he was withering away to nothing really fast.

Yesterday I dreamed they were collecting the trash. Only instead of the big garbage truck, the park was collecting it on these little trailers. Realizing I was late to put ours out, I started running up the hill with this big old garbage bin in tow. Someone on a trailer saw me and drove down to fetch both the trash and me. The male driver turned into a female driver who kept telling me that in order to climb up onto the trailer bed I had to first step up onto a white sneaker that was lying on its side.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2014 Another rainy, quiet day, though I saw a service truck of some kind parked in front of next door and thought I heard scattered hammering earlier.

Gonna work out with Tom when he gets in. He does the Wii and I do the treadmill. Indoor working out is so boring compared to outdoor working out, but this isn’t the ideal weather for going outside.

Been less dizzy the last couple of days and I’m so glad about that! Those dizzy spells were really getting old. Hopefully, the meds will keep on helping without the anxiety and upset stomach.

Tonight I’ll be reorganizing my “Dreams” book. I want to organize them by dates. Thought of rejoining Tumblr for the hell of it, but I don’t know if I will or not.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2014 The test results are in and my cholesterol is off the charts at “cardiac risk,” and my TSH is 32.24. This means (for any newcomers tuning in) that my thyroid is severely underactive. It’s not totally dead but it’s close enough. No wonder I’ve been back to gaining half a pound a day despite working out and watching what I eat. Still not watching how much I eat, though, and that’s super important as I said in my last entry. That will have to be part of my New Year’s resolution, I guess.

These numbers are pretty much where I was when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I just worry and wonder how they’re going to get me normal without it damn near killing me like last time. Levothyroxine and anxiety/tachycardia don’t seem to mix well. My resting pulse is naturally high when off medication, so to be given a medication that speeds that up is kinda scary. It’s a little racy right now, but that’s mostly because I’m alone and because of the results. Not a good time to work out!

I had thought eating foods low in cholesterol would help, but as one of my PB buddies pointed out, the cholesterol that rises when you have hypothyroidism is what your body produces and not dietary. It’s mostly my triglycerides that are high.

They called Tom’s phone and he explained to them that I only started the meds on the 27th when he could be home with me a little more, and so I will have to return to the vampire after January 15th. Then he was given a number to give to me for an endocrinologist. I requested Dr. O, as was recommended to me, and will see her on January 19th.

I'm just glad they didn't hit me with some new disease showing up in my blood like diabetes or something. I know skinny people can get that, but I think that's mostly an obese thing and I'm not only just a little overweight (per ex-sexy doc's words), I'm also pretty active. Well, when my heart will let me be without making me feel like it's going to jump outa my chest.

Because I only just started the 25 mcg on the 27th, I have to go in for more blood work after Jan. 15th. Since the 50's dropped me to 12, I'm guessing the 25's will drop me to 22-23.

I figured I was due for some noise from next door. Was it the saw? Nope. The hammer? Nope. It was just their latest home improvement project; new windows. Tree-cutting, new ovens, carpet cleaning, new windows… what’s next? I’m just glad I slept in today cuz the window upgrading probably began fairly early.

In the first of this month’s dreams, I was living or working at someplace with several other people. One person had on this really nice perfume and I said something like, “Someone smells sexy today.”

Some people, including myself, were going to the store and someone asked those who weren’t going if they needed anything. A woman who might’ve been Nancy from Phoenix said she wanted to get some kind of sleeping pill that had a long and funny name. When I was at the store I was looking for it to try for myself, but all I could find were rows and rows of candy bars with some bananas sort of hidden behind them.

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yourreddancer · 1 month ago

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Resistance HQ Bulletin 7, 11/18/24

Resistance HQ Bulletin 7, 11/18/24 Ron Filipkowski Nov 19 ∙ … Joe and Mika from MSNBC’s Morning Joe inexplicably traveled to Mar-a-Lago this weekend to patch things up with Trump and “restart my communications with Trump.” Trump repeatedly accused Scarborough of murdering a staffer in his district office to possibly cover up an affair, and has called Mika dumb and ridiculed her plastic surgery. Gross. I guess legacy media feels they have to humiliate themselves for access and ratings, because that’s what this is. Count me out.

… Trump told Fox: “I received a call from Joe Scarborough requesting a meeting from him and Mika, and I agreed. We met at Mar-a-Lago on Friday morning. Many things were discussed and I very much appreciated the fact that they wanted to have an open communication. In many ways, it’s too bad that wasn’t done long ago.”

… More from Trump on the meeting: “They congratulated me on running a great and flawless campaign - one for the history books.” How sweet. He went from Hitler to Lincoln.

… Right-wing media and social media influencers all mocking Joe and Mika for “kissing the ring” and “surrendering” to Trump. They are getting trashed from both sides. I think many people were willing to accept the “he fooled us” narrative after 2016 with much skepticism, but the willingness for viewers to leave that in the past is likely gone forever now.

… The spin they put on it was also pretty pathetic - especially Mika comparing it to her dad meeting with foreign leaders as NSA. They are completely out of touch with the mood of their shrinking audience - it will be interesting to watch the ratings this week.

… Fox was having a field day with the clips of Joe & Mika, mocking them for being phonies and frauds for calling Trump every name in the book then flying down to kiss the ring. It just undermines any credibility they had, and Fox is using it to discredit all Dems by suggesting that their criticisms of Trump was all contrived.

… Some of us meant every word of every one. Obviously not all of us.

… Of course, it doesn’t help also that Chuck Schumer was laughing and joking with Trump at the Al Smith dinner and Joe Biden was smiling and shaking hands with him in a two hour meeting in the Oval Office. I’m a big civility guy, this isn’t that. It goes way beyond that.

… Even Nikki Haley was mocking Joe and Mika, saying that they are frauds and sellouts and are just doing this because their ratings are so bad. When Nikki is calling you a fraud and a sellout, that’s when you know it’s really bad.

… Daily Beast is reporting that a source close to Morning Joe said the meeting “was f_ing worth it” since it caused Trump to tell Fox afterwards that he was going to try to be more cooperative with the press. Are these people really that stupid, or are they just screwing with us?

… Conflicts of interest is concept that Donald Trump has never recognized or concerned himself with - either for himself or his appointees, but this term is going to make his last one look ethically pristine. Trump has now nominated Brendan Carr for FCC Chair. Carr is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Starlink, and he will now head up the agency that controls space communications.

… Carr also just happen to write the section on the FCC for Project 2025. Just as Tom Homan wrote the section for Project 2025 on the border. But Trump has no connection to Project 2025. Doesn’t even know what it is. Never heard of it. According to Trump.

… Carr made the following statement after the nomination was announced: “Broadcast media have the privilege of using a scarce and valuable resource - our airwaves. In turn, they are required by law to operate in the public interest. When the transition is complete, the FCC will enforce this public interest obligation.” (IF THAT WERE TRUE, FUX NOISE WOULD'VE BEEN YANKED OFF THE AIR AFTER THE DOMINION LAWSUIT!!!!)

… Axios is reporting that there was a “massive blowup” between long-time Trump advisor Boris Epshteyn and Elon Musk over Cabinet picks and leaks to the press. Boris has been in the inner circle for a long time, took an indictment for Trump, and is tight with a lot of key players. Musk reportedly accused Epshteyn of leaking stories to the press about appointments he didn’t like.

… The Vanity Fair story about Pete Hegseth’s 2017 affair was sourced from a “Transition team member,” - obviously someone looking to tank Hegseth’s nomination.

… The Hegseth sex assault / NDA story was also leaked to WaPo by a Trump insider.

… What could be happening here is OG MAGAs like Epshteyn are hacked off that people like Musk and RFK Jr have supplanted them, and appointments are going to a new batch of sycophants while they are being passed over twiddling their thumbs on their podcasts waiting for the phone to ring.

… Mitch McConnell put a marker down and said “there will be no recess appointments.” If he was still Majority Leader that would certainly carry more weight. But his trusted lieutenant John Thune is, so maybe this will stick. The best thing for the country and the constitution is for each Trump nominee to go through the vetting and confirmation process. McConnell realizes that after seeing the first several, hopefully he’s speaking for Thune as well.

… Mike Johnson was asked about recess appointments: “There might be a function for that.” He’s such a worm. He’s the kid in 3rd grade who rats you out to the teacher for chewing gum in school because he things it will help him get an A.

… Constantly seeking attention, Rep. Nancy Mace has introduced a House Resolution to ban transgender people from using women’s restrooms in the Capitol. This clearly comes in response to the first transgender getting elected to Congress, Democrat Sarah McBride. Mace: “Never thought this would have to happen … Protecting biological women starts here and it starts now.”

… That Resolution will get Mace 5 Fox appearances and 6 Newsmax appearances and will do absolutely nothing to help her constituents. Which sums up Mace’s entire career in Congress. She already got a big write up on the Fox website.

… Mike Johnson, Tony Gonzales, Tom Homan and other Republicans spent the weekend on cable news shows assuring America that Trump was going to carry out deportations in a “measured” fashion and was going to focus initially on deporting those with criminal records (the vast majority of which are for driving without licenses because they can’t get them). Then Trump contradicted that at 4:03 AM with a post that he was going to declare a national emergency and use the military to begin mass deportations immediately. … Sarah Palin is getting frustrated that as “The Mother of MAGA” she has not gotten a call from Trump since the election for an appointment to his Cabinet: “Funny how politics work” she responded to her fans expressing disappointment on her social media page that she has been left out so far.

… Another name conspicuously absent from Trump’s appointments so far is Ric Grenell, who many in MAGA World wanted to be Secretary of State.

… Grenell was able to serve as Trump token gay appointee in his last Admin, so expect him to get a call soon to be his DEI hire.

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frontproofmedia · 11 months ago

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JOSH TAYLOR VS. JACK CATTERALL 2 MANCHESTER PRESS CONFERENCE QUOTES

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Published: February 20, 2024

JOSH TAYLOR VS. JACK CATTERALL 2 MANCHESTER PRESS CONFERENCE QUOTES

Eddie Hearn, Matchroom Sport Chairman: "Welcome to Manchester for part two of a slightly lively press conference ahead of the British fight of the year, the rematch between Josh Taylor and Jack Catterall, April 27 in Leeds. We have a night that you are not going to forget. "The controversy of the first fight will be settled in an unbelievable night live and exclusive on DAZN around the world, part of your subscription on the global home of boxing."

Josh Taylor: "I’m looking forward to getting this fight done. The first one is done, he couldn’t beat me the first time and he certainly won't beat me this time, so I’m looking forward to it. "It’s been a long two years coming. We tried to get the fight done straight away and it never happened, the mandatory then came in. But we’re here now, there’s no point in keeping on talking about what happened, we’re going to settle the score on April 27.You need to have a word with your man, that’s three times he’s tried to put his hands on me, he’s meant to be a professional athlete. Keep your hands to yourself you little rat. "It is must-win, it’s a crossroads fight for us both, when I beat him this time again, he’s got nowhere to go. His biggest night is me and when I beat him again, he’ll have nowhere to go and he’ll retire without a prime, with no belts and he’ll never be a World champion. "You’re in the wrong game if you don’t believe in yourself, so of course he’ll think that, but he’s never knocked anyone out in his life, not anyone credible. "On April 27, I end Jack Catterall’s career, one that he never got going, and he’ll never be a World champion." Joe McNally: "I’m 100 per cent confident in Josh. the first fight was a cracker and I just hope that we get the opportunity for Josh to showcase his skills, Jack with his counter-punching and we have the right official, so there’s no holding and clinching and they let the fight flow. If we get that, we’ll get a good fight and we’ll be in for a good night. "We’re in professional boxing, small gloves, anyone can be knocked out, but Jack isn’t a knockout puncher and that’s a fact. He couldn’t get an old, shot Jorge Linares out of there, so to think he’s going to get Josh out of there? Not a chance. I just hope he performs and he’s ready because he’s with a fantastic team, because Josh will be ready, may the best man win and we’re really confident. "There were a few things that needed addressing in the camp with Teofimo, I personally think we shouldn’t have gone ahead with the fight off the injury that he had. But it was one of those fights that a round here or there, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now, he’d be fighting a Devin Haney or Gervonta Davis. We never got the decision so we’re sitting here because of Josh, not Jack, that’s a fact. I’m excited for it and to go into this one all guns blazing." Tom Grant: "This is what it’s about, these domestic dust-up are what the fans come out for. All that matters is what happens on April 27 now, and that is that Josh Taylor is going to beat Jack Catterall on April 27 and all these people are going to struggle watching it." Jack Catterall: "I want to thank everybody that has come out today. It’s an exciting fights, it gets the juices flowing, it’s been talked about for the last two years and it’s the same for Josh, everyone always asking when the rematch is, so it’s good to have the rematch locked in, and I’m ready to settle it. "You know what it is, they’ve said it’s the England vs. Scotland heritage, but it’s more of me just fighting a pr*ck. He’s just not a nice person. That’s it. "I know what lies ahead of me. As much as we have the press conferences and the weigh-ins, I have a job to do on April 27. I’m preparing for the best of Josh Taylor, so when I beat him and do it convincingly, I can move on with my career. "I think he’s there to be beaten and I’ve got his number, and it’s only a matter of time before he touches the canvas again. Can we get some more tickets for the fight Eddie, please? We’ve had a great response and that’s expected with a big domestic fight, so I’m very grateful for everyone’s support. "Josh, you are finished after this fight. In nine weeks' time, we get to put him to bed." Jamie Moore: "I’ve always been a big believer in Jack, I’ve always said the day that he came into our gym that he would be a World champion. I’ve just done loads of interviews and basically said the same thing, this is such a good fight because it’s been created by that narrative. It was a controversial decision in the first fight, and the vast majority thought Jack won. The two years in between has created a better story and made people more interested in it now than when it first should have taken place six months afterwards. "You have kept Jack busy, he’s active and that’s the main thing that’s not been good for him over the last five years. He’s always in the gym. Josh has had that one loss, but I don’t buy into the fact that he’s on the slide because he’s lost to Teofimo Lopez because he’s an unbelievable fighter. So, we’re going into the fight knowing we’re going to get the best version of Josh Taylor because it’s such a grudge match and we’re going to train hard for it. "The first fight is irrelevant now, all that matters is what happens on April 27." Sam Jones: "Yesterday we were in the great city of Edinburgh, and it is a great city, but it’s not a patch on Chorley. I didn’t hear what Tom said yesterday, he mentioned Ben Shalom for some reason, but they have a bit in common, they both got the charisma of the weather outside. "It’s a fantastic fight, we’ve got two of the best trainers in the country up here today, all I want is for Josh not to make any excuses. He demanded it to be at 140lbs, I think that is a ready-made excuse right there, but it’s just a fantastic fight, British boxing needs rivalries like this, with two great fighter, one former undisputed champion and one guy that should have been undisputed, and it’s going to be a great fight, and as I said yesterday, Jack Catterall is going to whoop Josh Taylor on April 27."

(Featured Photo: Mark Robinson/Matchroom Boxing)

#HF #Josh Taylor #Jack Catterall #Matchroom Boxing #DAZN

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littleharpethcrossfit · 2 years ago

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Saturday, March 11, 2023..... Warmup.....Power Cleans...... 25 Minute EMOM.

The appearance was that of a warm and sunny morning, but actually the temp was in the high 40s.

Armando led us in his usual dynamic and mobility warmup session.

Warmup:

Dana demo-ed and led this one.

3 Rounds

10 Banded Clusters

20 Mountain Climbers

Strength WOD

Power Cleans: 3 Reps Touch & Go EMOM X 12 Minutes

Bernie=195 WG/Armando/Average Dave=175 Ed/Chase=155 Dana/Timmy=135 Tom/Rodney=110 Linda/Joe=75 Sandy/Shannon=65 Coach/Warren A/Alicia/Angel/Kayla=PJ Lew=Biked

Metabolic Conditioner

25 Minute EMOM

15 Wall-Balls (E=30/20/14)

20 Kettle Bell Swings (E=70/53/35)

15 Pull-Ups (E=C2B)

20 Slam-Balls (E=40/30/20)

15 / 12 Calories On ROWER

SCORE: Successful Completion

Elites:

Chase attempted this at the 0730 workout, but died and ultimately gave himself a “PJ”.

When the 0930 class came in, the boys noticed what Chase did and decided that they didn’t feel Elite today. In fact, the only person who even tried RX was Dana.

RX:

Dana= +

Keeping score was not a function of this workout, so no scores were posted. Survival and completion was the successful score, and athletes who scaled and gave themselves a “check-mark”. Since my laptop doesn’t have a check-mark, I gave them a +.

Ed/Joe/Tom/Rodney/Timmy/Shannon all posted +.

Armando/WG/Chase/Linda/Coach/Warren A all posted “PJ”.

Sandy=DNF Average Dave posted “Delete”. Bernie posted

a drawing of what looked like the Battle Flag of the Confederacy.

Lew posted “BIKE”.

Angel/Alicia/Kayla=did something but didn’t post anything.

Notes:

Somebody said the WOD today was “FIGHT GONE BAD” gone bad. A few people actually said they liked the WOD, but they were intelligent people (girls) who realized before they started that survival would require severe scaling. I wish Robert had been here today so we could at least watch an Elite Games Ready Athlete complete the WOD.

The Weather-Lady is predicting rain for tonight and tomorrow morning. The chances fall to less than 50% for our 7:30 class, and less that 10% for the 1 PM class. So forget the rain.

Sunday at 0730 and at 1 PM.

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whatstruthgottodowithit · 1 year ago

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Here You Come Again [Part Eight]

Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF, American Actor

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Original Female Character

Characters: Elvis Presley, Addison Goodwin, Original Female Characters, Priscilla Presley, Colonel Tom Parker, Vernon Presley, Gladys Presley, Minnie Mae Presley, Marci Cunningham, Jerry Schilling, Red West, Sonny West, Marty Lacker, Joe Esposito, Charlie Hodge, Lamar Fike, Alan Fortas, George Klein, Memphis Mafia

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 9107

Summary: When Addison Goodwin was seventeen years old her life was turned inside out after a chance encounter with her past. Now, fifteen years later her life is the best it’s ever been. She has a home, a good job and a daughter she loves more than anything in the world but will all that remain when an old familiar face rolls into town.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Graceland, Las Vegas, The International Hotel, Elvis In Vegas, 1970s, 1970s Elvis, Friends To Lovers, Rekindled Romance, Parenting, Time Line is Sketchy, Guilt, Betrayal, Teenage Pregnancy, Hawaii, Hidden Pregnancy, Jealousy, Sex, Absence of Parent, Single Motherhood, Trauma, Oral Sex, Tension

Notes: Why does tumblr just decide to make stuff shitter every so often. Cba.

LINK TO ALL PARTS // LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST

Elvis was riding on a high. There had been something about tonight that was different though he couldn’t put his finger on just what it was. Maybe it was the fact the crowd had been particularly receptive tonight given that many of them had just rolled into Vegas for the weekend and were still buzzing off the anticipation of getting up to something they shouldn’t. Maybe it was because he wasn’t as tired as normal since he had managed to negotiate to do only one show a night – even if it was only for the duration of Lisa being in town. He didn’t think it was that though. No, he figured it was because he had been able to spend time with both of his daughters for almost the entire evening, Just the three of them. He had gotten to see them interact and from the looks of things they actually seemed to be getting along, especially since Jess had sided with Lisa when she had informed her father that he was colouring in wrong [something he didn’t know was possible but from the stern look on his five-year-olds face apparently it was]. But above all, he got to enjoy just being a dad, not even a dad just a person, without someone needing something from him other than time and love. That was why he was riding on a high.

However that high meant that he wasn’t ready for bed quite yet. He was wired and so instead of heading back to his bedroom suite, he headed to the main one hoping he could check on both of his girls. When he got inside though he found it wasn’t dark as he expected as lamps were still lit throughout the suite. That was when he noticed Jess standing in the middle of the living room though she whipped around when she heard him enter.

‘Hey, what are you still doing up?’ he said coming towards her but as he noted the unnerved look on her face it triggered panic inside him, ‘what’s going on?’

‘She’s been throwing up,’ Jess said looking back towards the couch where Elvis could now see Lisa. She was laying on her side clutching her stomach and though her eyes had been closed they opened at the sound of his voice, her own coming out whiny and melancholic.

‘I don’t feel good,’ she groaned as she squeezed her arms around her stomach tighter.

‘Since when?’ Elvis asked moving towards her though his gaze remained on Jess.

‘About an hour,’ she said biting her lip. He perched himself on the coffee table, placing the back of his hand on his daughter’s forehead which felt clammy but fortunately not too warm.

‘Why didn’t you call downstairs?’ Elvis asked sternly, ‘I would’ve come straight up.’

‘I-I-I was going to, but I couldn’t find the sheet you gave me and Jerry had already gone downstairs to sort something out and I couldn’t remember where he’d gone and she just came into my room and puked all over the floor so I panicked,’ Jess waffled.

‘My tummy hurts,’ Lisa groaned looking at her dad and forcing him to take his eyes off Jess for a moment.

‘I know honey. It’s okay,’ he soothed stroking her cheek.

‘I’m sorry I just didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to leave her on her own,’ Jess said feeling her voice getting thick with tears. On seeing her start to well up Elvis felt guilt course through him and he reached a hand out to hold hers gently for a moment, ‘it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, I’m here now, okay?’

‘I just panicked,’ Jess said quietly.

‘I know,’ he said, ‘it’s okay.’

‘Elvis my tummy hurts,’ Lisa groaned making Elvis offer Jess one more reassuring look before he turned his attention back to his youngest.

‘I know sweetie but we’re gonna get you fixed up, okay?’ he said earning a nod from Lisa though her face remained pouty.

‘Actually, she’s already being fixed,’ Jess said nervously making her father look up at her confused. A confusion that only grew as Addison appeared behind her daughter looking between them as if she was missing something.

‘Everything okay?’ she asked looking from Elvis to her daughter who now looked more shaken than the moment she’d arrived and given that Addison had walked in and found her looking horrified as she held Lisa’s hair out of the way whilst she puked into a trash can that was some feat.

‘What are you doing here?’ Elvis asked a little more accusatorily than he had intended as he stood up.

‘Jess called,’ Addison said simply, seeming not to take offence at his tone as she moved past him so she could get to Lisa whom she placed a cold cloth on the head of before she offered her a glass of pale liquid with a gentle, ‘here you go sweetie.’

‘Thank you,’ Lisa said, those southern manners shining through in her weakened state.

‘Jess called you at midnight and you just drove all the way down here?’ Elvis said, accusation lacing his words again.

‘It sounded urgent,’ Addison shrugged.

‘She could’ve come and got me y’know,’ Elvis said defensively. He didn’t know why he was being like this. He knew Addison was only trying to help but the entire situation was getting him on edge. After all, things had been going so well with Jess and yet she hadn’t even given him a thought before she’d dialled in reinforcements.

‘I know,’ Addison said firmly and before he could respond and be any more obstructive, she took a seat on the coffee table and leaned in towards Lisa, ‘how’s that sweetie?’

‘Good,’ Lisa said through laboured breaths as she tried to gulp as much of the drink she had been given down her throat like she had been stranded in the desert for days.

‘Well, that should help,’ Addison said taking the cup from her as she lay back down. When she looked up she found Elvis watching her closely.

‘Would you stop looking at me like that I said it’s fine,’ she sighed, ‘don’t worry about it.’

‘It’s just… you should’ve come and got me,’ Elvis said looking at Jess.

‘I just thought Mom would know what to do. She’s a nurse after all,’ Jess said and at her words Elvis softened. When he thought about it like that he could see her point of view. After all, she was just a kid. Her brain had probably gone into overdrive and she had dialled the only number she could think of. All in all, she’d been looking out for her sister.

‘I forgot about that,’ Elvis admitted, ‘I guess it makes sense when you put it like that.’

‘No harm done,’ Addison said earning a nod from him. As Lisa stirred from the relaxed state she’d been in, her blue eyes watching them all gathered around her, Elvis sat down on the coffee table next to Addison and placed his hand over his daughter’s.

‘Are you feeling any better honey?’ he asked making her big blue eyes find his as she offered a weak nod.

‘A little bit,’ she said.

‘That’s good,’ Elvis said looking at Addison, ‘so what’s the diagnosis?’

‘Well, the good news is I think she’s gonna be fine,’ she said.

‘Yeah?’ Elvis asked.

‘Yeah, she doesn’t have a temperature and her abdomens soft so I don’t think it’s anything too serious,’ Addison said.

‘Are you sure?’ Elvis asked though he trusted Addison completely the image of his little girl laying in front of them looking troubled made his heart hurt, ‘maybe we should get her checked out.’

‘Jess, what did you have for dinner?’ Addison asked looking towards her daughter. The question came out of the left field for both Elvis and Jess but nevertheless Jess, who had been standing there still feeling anxious, answered.

‘Pizza and ice cream,’ she said.

‘And then you guys watched a movie?’ Addison questioned. Though he had no idea where she was going he figured the way she was making his brain do gymnastics as he tried to figure out her point was only punishment for his less-than-inviting attitude.

‘Yeah,’ Jess said not managing to connect the dots.

‘Where you had popcorn?’ Addison asked.

‘Yeah and M&Ms and Lisa had some Twizzlers-’

‘See where I’m going with this?’ Addison asked raising an eyebrow. Elvis seemed to contemplate it for a moment before the points clicked into place.

‘Oh,’ he said, ‘yeah I guess you might be right.’

‘I know sugar-induced puke when I see it,’ Addison said.

‘You saw her puke?’ Elvis asked.

‘Who do you think cleaned it up?’ Addison asked. Again, guilt flooded through him but this time it felt more than just guilt. It felt like an embarrassment, like he needed her to clean up his messes literally and figuratively. She had trusted him to take care of his daughters and he had barely lasted the night without needing help.

‘You didn’t have to do that,’ he said feeling the defensiveness from before creep back in.

‘Eh,’ she shrugged, ‘it’s not a big deal.’

‘Still,’ he said not sure what he was trying to prove.

‘Anyway,’ she said ignoring him, ‘I think the best course of action is probably rest.’

‘Yeah, you're probably right,’ Elvis said.

‘For you too lady,’ she said standing up and placing a hand on Jess’ face in an attempt to reassure her though she still looked torn at the thought of being sent away. She knew if it was just her dad here she’d be allowed to stay up but she knew better than to argue with her mom and so she nodded.

‘Okay,’ she said, ‘I hope you feel better in the morning Lisa.’

‘Me too,’ Lisa mumbled though her eyes didn’t open as she continued to lay on the couch.

‘Night,’ she said receiving ‘Goodnights’ from both of them in response.

Once she was out of the room Addison took a seat on the couch beside the one Lisa was on whilst Elvis sat next to his daughter, placing her head on his lap as he stroked her hair gently. She disturbed a little as he moved her but the pain seemed to be ebbing minute by minute which meant that by the time she was lying on him properly her breathing had already changed signalling she may have been falling asleep. Elvis watched her closely for a moment and Addison watched him. She knew that by coming here she had hit a nerve but in the moment she hadn't been thinking of anything other than Jess. She realised it could’ve been construed as interfering, but she hoped he would see that it wasn’t the fact that she thought he couldn’t do it alone, it was the fact that Jess was just so used to her doing it she hadn’t thought past that. For a moment she didn’t speak, she knew him well enough to know that he’d tell her sooner or later and when he pulled his gaze away from Lisa’s peaceful form and clocked her looking at him he did.

‘You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble you know,’ he murmured his fingers till playing with Lisa’s golden locks.

‘I know,’ Addison said.

‘And I didn’t leave them alone. Jer was just next door and I told her to come and get one of us if she needed anything. I gave her a full list of phone numbers, I left it right by the phone,’ he said quickly as if he needed to explain.

‘I know I found it in the same place you left it,’ Addison said making him look at her.

‘If she had it why didn’t she-’ Elvis started to question but Addison cut him off.

‘I think she just panicked. You know what it’s like when you’re panicking your mind just goes blank and she didn’t want to leave Lisa on her own, so she called me.’

‘I guess every kids first instinct is to call their mom,’ Elvis said. His irritation was ebbing, the initial worry that Jess hadn’t thought he couldn’t handle it fading the more Addison spoke. The guilt however didn’t seem to be lifting even more so as Addison replied.

‘Well if it was mine the phone would be ringing for a long damn time,’ Addison said. He expected bitterness to be behind her words but there was nothing. In fact, the joke didn’t even seem sarcastic but genuine as he noticed a smirk on her lips. It made him sad to see how unattached she was but then the memory of her heartbroken face the night Mona had left flashed through his mind and he realised maybe this way was better.

‘That’s probably why you’re such a good mom,’ Elvis said making her look at him, ‘because of Mona I mean.’

‘Oh, I guess,’ she said suddenly feeling uncomfortable though she didn’t know if it was at the compliment or because even though she had spoken of her mother it had been a long time since it had been to anyone who actually knew her.

‘I mean it,’ Elvis said doubling down. He was starting to feel bad about the way he had acted and though he knew she never did well with compliments he couldn’t help but say the words he hoped she already knew, ‘you’re like the exact opposite of her. Jess couldn’t have a better mom…in fact, I’m glad you’re here. I mean I know I said I could’ve handled it but I’m not sure that’s true.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Addison scoffed. If the compliments had made her uncomfortable the fact he was putting himself down was just as upsetting.

‘Well Cilla usually takes care of this stuff or the nanny,’ he said smirking as Addison tried to hide a smile before he shrugged, ‘I don’t really know what I’m doing. Hell I can’t even get her to stop calling me Elvis.’

‘Well to be fair to her that is your name,’ she smiled though as his mood didn’t brighten she sighed, ‘don’t beat yourself up about it. None of us do.’

‘You look pretty sure of yourself to me,’ he said. Addison sighed.

‘I’ve had more practice that’s why,’ she said quietly. He knew it wasn’t a dig but something about it made his heart twinge, ‘you think I had any idea what I was doing when she was Lisa’s age? You think I knew what to do with a sick kid? Of course not but it happens once and you get used to it. And then the next time it happens you know what to do. It’s not about being a better parent it’s just about being prepared.’

‘Yeah, I guess,’ Elvis said though that guilty feeling was still niggling inside him. Seeing he was still lost in his head Addison sighed and shuffled forward placing her hand on his knee. He smiled at her and she offered one back before pulling back and taking her hand away.

‘You know one time when Jess was little,’ she started immediately piquing Elvis’ interest, ‘like really little she grabbed something off my plate when I wasn’t looking and ate it. I don’t even remember what it was she just threw it in her mouth and it immediately got stuck and she started choking, and I mean like going blue in the face choking. I had no idea what to do. I was on my own and I was just panicking then I remembered you’re supposed to slap their back, so I did. I hit her so hard it came flying out of her mouth, practically flew across the room, and then I felt awful because I’d hurt her. Not only that but she didn’t have a clue what was going on so all she could do was cry and cry and cry and I just felt like the worst mom in the world. I just picked her up and we sobbed on the kitchen floor for hours.’

‘You saved her life,’ Elvis said watching the memory dance across her face. She offered him a weak smile.

‘I know but I still felt terrible. Like I should’ve just known what to do without hurting her, like I should’ve just been able to dive into action without any thought and no consequences…but that’s not realistic. I mean I still feel guilty about it now and Jess doesn’t even remember the damn thing… but the next time she tried to grab something off my plate you better believe I knocked it out of her hand before she could even get that pudgy little fist in her mouth,’ she said with a small smile. Elvis sighed.

‘So I shouldn’t feel guilty huh?’ he asked raising an eyebrow.

‘Do you think she’s going to remember what happened tonight or who brought her some ginger ale? No, she’s going to remember that her dad was there and stroked her hair whilst she didn’t feel well,’ she said. As she spoke Lisa stirred in his lap, her tiny hand resting on his thigh as she moved. It made his heart flutter with love.

‘I think you might be right,’ he said with a smile.

‘Always am,’ Addison smiled.

They watched her for a minute but then she started to stir more as if she was threatening to wake up any moment.

‘Maybe I should move her to bed,’ Elvis said.

‘Yeah, she might be more comfortable there,’ Addison said. As Elvis contemplated how he was going to move Addison took the cold compress that was still on her forehead off and placed it on the coffee table. Then Elvis lifted his daughter up and slipped out from underneath her before he scooped her up onto his hip, her head resting on his shoulder, all in one fell swoop. When he turned Addison was still watching him trying to ignore the flurry in her chest as she watched him move the hair out of Lisa’s eyes as she slept soundly against him. She couldn’t believe he’d ever doubt how good of a dad he was. She knew from watching him with Jess that there was no doubt he was a good dad yet it was different with Jess because she didn’t need him in the same way Lisa did and watching him fuss over the little girl in his arms made her realise just how much he was made for it. It was lovely to watch but also heart-wrenching. If only things had been different this could’ve been their life.

‘I’ll be back in a minute, okay?’ he asked snapping her from her thoughts.

‘Sure,’ she said offering him a small smile. He looked like he wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure that he should. It made the flurry inside Addison amp up as she anticipated whatever it was.

‘Do you wanna stay for a while?’ he asked. It wasn’t quite a plea but both of them could hear just how much he wanted her to say yes.

‘Yeah,’ Addison said, ‘I’d like that.’

✵✵✵

When Addison awoke the next morning it took her a moment to adjust but as she took in the ornate mouldings above her and the brightness streaming in from the window she had neglected to close the curtains of it all came rushing back. Aside from cleaning up vomit and trying to keep everyone calm last night had been nice. After Jess had gone to bed and Elvis had carried Lisa back to her room the pair of them had stayed up and watched television though she doubted either of them could even say what had been playing since they had spent most of the night just talking. If anything she hadn’t realised just how much she had missed Elvis. Throughout this whole thing she had been getting used to seeing him as a dad, as this new man she needed to get to know but last night had shown her that even after so many years he was still that same boy she had known when she was three years old. But last night was catching up on her now and she could barely fight to keep herself from flopping back down and catching a few more minutes of sleep. Unfortunately, her longing for rest wasn’t fulfilled as she heard the door open and found Jess coming inside.

‘Oh good you’re finally up,’ Jess said.

‘Morning,’ Addison said with a yawn.

‘Actually, it’s afternoon,’ Jess said.

‘What?’ Addison said pushing herself up and looking at the small clock on her bedside table which informed her Jess was in fact right, it was 12:46 pm.

‘Jeez,’ she said.

‘Late night?’ Jess asked with a smirk.

‘We all had a late night,’ Addison said.

‘Yeah, but me and Lisa have been up since ten,’ Jess reasoned as she sat down cross-legged on the end of her mother’s bed, ‘can’t say the same for you and Dad though.’

‘We were just talking,’ Addison said stiffly though she didn’t know why she felt the need to defend herself.

‘Oh I know,’ Jess said, ‘I could hear you guys still up when I went to the bathroom. That’s why I let you both sleep.’

‘Well that’s very kind of you,’ Addison said wryly, ‘but I think I should be getting up don’t you?’

She went to push the covers back but stopped as she realised that she was only in her underwear. Instead of climbing out of bed she shuffled to the edge of it, keeping herself blocked from Jess as much as possible she looked for the pile of clothes she had been wearing before she’d climbed into bed. She had been tired when Elvis had walked her to the room she would be staying in and the last thing on her mind was scouting out where to get some clothes to sleep in.

‘Nice outfit,’ Jess said as her mother grabbed her jeans off the floor and started to throw them on.

‘Yeah, well I didn’t think of packing a bag when I ran out the house to come and help did I?’ Addison said as she shirked on her pants, leaning back to button them.

‘You could borrow some of the stuff Patsy brought me,’ Jess said.

‘Honey I might have your figure in my head but reality is a little different,’ Addison said as she pulled her shirt over her head pulling the hair that had got caught under the collar out as she did, ‘it’s fine. I’ll just go home and change.’

‘I don’t think you’ll have time,’ Jess said.

‘Why not?’ Addison asked.

‘We’re going out and dad asked if you’d come and well, I said you would,’ Jess said, ‘that’s why I came to wake you up.’

‘Well can’t we just swing by the house?’ Addison asked.

‘I don’t think so…I didn’t realise you didn’t have stuff…I didn’t think you’d mind,’ Jess said shifting awkwardly. Addison sighed.

‘I don’t. It’s fine,’ she said. Jess offered an apologetic smile which she rolled her eyes at, ‘c’mon, let’s not have everyone waiting.’

‘We’re only waiting on you,’ Jess smirked as she clambered off the bed and headed out the door. Addison followed whatever retort she was going to offer stemmed as she yawned.

‘Hey sleepyhead,’ Elvis said as they entered the dining room. He was sitting at the head of the table with Lisa at his side standing on the chair beside him as she draped her body over the table and slapped another card down on the pile for whatever game they were playing.

‘Hi,’ Addison said standing behind one of the chairs, ‘someones feeling better I see.’

‘Oh yeah much better right buttonhead?’ he said looking at Lisa who glanced at him and then looked at Addison.

‘Much better,’ she smiled, ‘Elvis is taking us to the zoo.’

‘Is that right?’ Addison said looking at Elvis, ‘taking it easy I see.’

‘Eh, she’s feeling better and it’s her last day in town,’ Elvis said. He kept his tone even but Addison could see the sadness behind his eyes before he dropped his gaze to look at his cards as Lisa tugged on his sleeve, evidently not happy with how he had slowed their game for a conversation. Once he had placed his card down he looked back at them, ‘you guys are comin’ right? Daddy’s comin’ and some of the boys I thought we could make a day of it.’

‘Have I got time to go home and change?’ Addison asked making Elvis glance down to find she was still in the same clothes as yesterday. He knew it didn’t mean anything, no one would even know they were yesterday’s clothes, but the idea of knowing that she was wearing that because she’d not wanted to go home made him want to smile.

‘Not really,’ he said checking his watch and gesturing for Lisa to put her cards down, ‘we’ll be leaving in a minute.’

‘I can be super quick,’ Addison said.

‘It’s quite a drive and in the opposite direction of your place,’ he said making her sigh. Seeing the topic could be up for discussion Elvis looked at Jess and said, ‘would you mind helping Lisa find her shoes so we can get going?’

‘Sure,’ Jess said gesturing for Lisa to follow her which she did, jumping off her chair and running to her sister’s side as they headed down the hall to her room.

‘I really won’t take that long,’ Addison said as he climbed out of his seat, resting against one of the chairs as he stood next to her.

‘I know but I’ve kinda got everything lined up what with it being her last day here and everything. I don’t wanna miss any of it,’ he said. At that Addison wavered. Sure it wasn’t ideal but she could manage for one day. Elvis however had an idea, ‘why don’t I just buy you something new? There’s a lil boutique around the corner-’

‘It’s fine,’ Addison said waving him off, ‘I’ll just wear this.’

‘It’s not a big deal,’ Elvis reasoned as he stood up properly, ‘better than yesterday’s clothes.’

‘Either you take me home and I get a fresh pair of clothes or we go as is,’ she said.

‘You’re gonna walk around all day in day-old clothes?’

‘What am I gonna embarrass you?’ she challenged.

‘I just don’t see why you can’t just have something new. It’s gotta be more comfortable,’ he said.

‘You’re not buying me new stuff not when I don’t need it,’ she said making Elvis sigh. He should’ve known she would never have relented to that one. He leaned in towards her eyeing her in a way that made her stomach flutter with butterflies that only worsened as he leaned down and said, ‘you’re infuriating you know that?’

‘And you like showing off,’ she countered trying to ignore the fact she could feel the heat coming off his body he was so close. She watched as his lip curled up in a smirk.

‘Hey you’ll relent one day,’ he said.

‘Doubt it,’ she challenged folding her arms across her chest.

‘Wanna bet?’ he asked.

‘You’re on,’ she smirked. Elvis watched her for a moment, trying to ignore the fire in his belly as she met him toe to toe, but it was broken as they heard Jess call for Addison’s help. She offered him one last smug smile and then toddled off to find out what the problem was. As Elvis watched her walk away an idea bubbled in his brain. He was going to win this little wager fair and square, he just needed to make a couple calls first.

✵✵✵

Elvis had been right about the drive and by the time they got to the zoo it was mid-afternoon. Lisa chattered nonstop in the car on the way over and though Jess was less eager about a day out to the zoo she couldn’t help but feel a little excited too though she wasn’t sure if that was because this would be the first time they’d managed to do something outside of the hotel or their house or because of the smile on both her parents faces as they interacted with one another.

It was nice to see her mom this way, happy. It wasn’t that she was always sad or anything it was just that Jess had always felt that so much of her life had been left behind the moment she had her. Her mother had always assured her that she was never a burden and that she wouldn’t choose a life without her but there were times she wondered what could’ve been. Especially when she watched her dad tell a joke that made her mom snort a laugh or how she watched him with Lisa, an adoring look on her face. She was glad her mom was her mom but seeing her like this reminded her that she was a woman too.

Jess was only pulled out of her thoughts when they arrived at their destination. The zoo wasn’t a big one but this had been intentional as Elvis had picked one a little further out of town that was less likely to be populated so that when he requested for the owner to let them have the run of the place their loss of business wasn’t too bad. Of course there were caveats to them getting the whole place though that mostly included him having his picture taken with nearly every member of staff but eventually they managed to make their way into the park to see some animals. Lisa bolted straight for the first exhibit, lugging Jess and Vernon along by the hand, whilst their tour guide attempted to keep up. And seeing that they weren’t needed for much protection the boys walked ahead taking advantage of the fact the group was doing something that involved being outside in the winter sunshine instead of being locked away in a hotel or casino.

Elvis and Addison however stayed behind the group. They made conversation here and there but both of them found that there wasn’t a need to say much, if anything they were just enjoying one another’s company. They walked around for a while, grabbing a bite to eat halfway through until eventually, they got to the tiger enclosure.

‘He’s a big un isn’t he,’ Elvis said. Jess was standing next to him but he had Lisa in his arms so that she could see, hoisting her up so that she could lean against the enclosure wall.

‘He’s really big,’ Lisa said.

‘Let’s just hope he ain’t hungry huh?’ Elvis said shaking her a little as though he was going to toss her over the barrier making her shriek with laughter.

‘Actually, he probably is,’ the tour guide said pointing to a sign in front of them that said, ‘FEEDING TIME 4 PM’.

‘Are you going to feed him now?’ Lisa asked excitedly.

‘Well actually we do offer guests to feed him, on occasion,’ she said looking at Elvis which seemed to trigger an idea in his youngest daughter’s mind.

‘Elvis, you should do it!’ Lisa said looking at Elvis who chuckled.

‘Aw hell no,’ he chuckled.

‘Oh go on,’ Jess giggled earning herself a scowl.

‘Please!’ Lisa begged.

‘Have you seen that thing?’ he said as the girls watched him expectantly.

‘Not scared are you?’ Addison teased from Jess’ other side.

‘Hey I lose a hand my instrument playin’ days are over,’ Elvis reasoned.

‘It’d be fine, I could be your new guitar player,’ Jess giggled. Elvis looked as all three girls watched him expectantly. He had no desire to step into an enclosure with anything but the way they all watched him expectantly he could feel his resolve crumbling.

‘Y’all aren’t gonna let it go huh?’ he asked.

‘Well, we could ask one of the boys, right girls?’ Addison said turning around and finding the boys standing close by watching amusedly as their friend squirmed under the pressure, ‘you’d do it right Son?’

‘Oh sure,’ Sonny chuckled, ‘you know me. Ain’t afraid of anything.’

‘Yeah, except pickin’ up a check,’ Elvis grumbled though Sonny merely rolled his eyes at the dig, ‘aw hell alright.’

‘Yay!’ Lisa said kissing him on the cheek.

‘If you’d like to follow me sir,’ the guide said gesturing for Elvis to follow her towards a doorway which led to the back of the enclosure. He looked hesitant but after a moment he lifted Lisa forward so that Jerry could hold her so she’d still be able to see.

As he followed the young girl into the back of the enclosure, disappearing out of sight, Jerry moved to stand next to Addison whilst the boys moved so that they were standing along the wall.

‘You know he’s gonna be insufferable after this right?’ Jerry chuckled as Lisa turned to her grandfather and started chattering away to him.

‘He could’ve said no,’ she reasoned.

‘When has he ever told you no,’ Jerry said before his attention was caught as Elvis appeared on the other side of the circular enclosure climbing up onto a large platform at the back. He had a couple of keepers with him now, both hauling a heavy box between them, and the crowd watched as the tiger who had been lounging in the grass allowing them to watch him sleep, stood up suddenly realising it was time to be fed.

Addison watched on nervously, though her nerves weren’t really to do with the scene in front of them. It was Jerry’s words. The group laughed and jeered whilst Elvis was talked through the process and eventually tossed a hunk of meat on a string down for the large cat yet she barely even registered it.

‘When has he ever told you no,’ the thought echoed in her mind. It had been true when they had been dating, even in the months leading up to it, he had always caved but that was because he had been in love with her. It wasn’t like that now, right? No, she reasoned with herself. Elvis wasn’t in love with her and this stunt wasn’t for her benefit. He had done it for the girls. Yet as she watched him the idea swirled in the back of her brain. It was an idea she forced out of her mind. She couldn’t think that way. This wasn’t about them, this was about Jess, nothing more.

She was pulled out of her thoughts as Jerry nudged her gesturing for her to follow the rest of the group that was heading down towards the enclosure entrance to wait for Elvis to emerge. Addison stayed back as he came out immediately congratulated by both the girls and though he had grumbled once he saw how excited they were about it she couldn’t help but notice the smile on his face.

‘Well done man,’ Red said as the group started to meander towards the next exhibit.

‘Yeah well done son,’ Vernon said.

‘Did you see how he tore that thing apart?’ Sonny whistled, ‘pretty impressive.’

‘Near pulled me off that damn platform,’ Elvis said as Lisa slipped her hand into his and Jess came to his other side as they walked.

‘Were you scared?’ Jess asked.

‘Naw,’ Elvis said making Addison smirk though she knew he couldn’t see her, ‘I mean I don’t think the zoo’s reputation could handle being the place that killed Elvis Presley so I think I woulda been okay.’

‘Will you wear your tiger costume on stage tonight?’ Lisa asked looking up at him from his side, her hand clasped tightly in his.

‘Do you want me to?’ he asked making her nod, ‘well alright then.’

‘Are you gonna tell this story on stage tonight?’ Red chuckled as he turned to look at them, walking backwards as he did so, ‘cos I think I can already hear the girls hollerin’ about it now.’

‘Oh yeah better bring earplugs,’ Sonny chuckled.

‘What can I say I’m just an impressive guy,’ Elvis smirked.

‘Oh yeah, you think?’ Sonny said as Addison slotted in between him and Jess, ‘what do you think Addie, ladies' perspective?’

‘I prefer lion tamers myself,’ she joked making Elvis roll his eyes.

‘Not your type huh?’ he said though as he looked at her he could’ve sworn there was a flicker of something behind her eyes that moved too quickly for him to catch. Before she could say thing else though Lisa said, ‘look penguins!’ and then scarpered towards the round glass tank a little further up.

Yet as everyone followed her towards the tank which was now being occupied by several keepers who were chucking bucket loads of fish into the water Addison wandered away from the group and took a seat on a nearby bench. No one seemed to notice she was gone, well not until Elvis looked back to find her nowhere close. Since the group was distracted he moved away and came to sit beside her, earning himself a small smile.

‘You alright?’ he asked. She nodded. Even though Jerry’s comment had put her in her head a little bit she brushed it aside as much as she could. She didn’t want to think about things like that, not today, and so as Elvis watched her she decided not to dwell on it and instead just be in the moment.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked raising an eyebrow. Elvis hiccupped a laugh and flopped back on the bench, his arm going behind where she was sitting.

‘Don’t know how I didn’t crap my pants but sure,’ he chuckled.

‘Well, the girls loved it,’ she said.

‘And you?’ he said making her roll her eyes, ‘hey now it was your teasin’ that got me in there. C’mon honest answer.’

‘You were very brave,’ she said sarcastically, a smile playing on her lips.

‘See was that so hard to do,’ he chuckled.

‘And at least you have a story for your show tonight,’ Addison said resting back against the bench.

‘Yeah, that’s true,’ he said.

‘And the girls did love it,’ she reiterated.

‘Yeah and now look. I’ve been replaced by some penguins,’ he chuckled.

‘Oh you should’ve heard them,’ Addison said, though she had been lost in her thoughts she hadn’t missed the giddy chatter Lisa had with Vernon or the awestruck way Jess had spoken to Red as they watched.

‘Yeah?’ he said earning a nod, ‘well it's good to know I’m not an embarrassing dad just yet.

‘You’re kidding, right? Those girls idolise everything you do,’ Addison said truthfully, ‘I’m glad actually. I think this is the first fun thing Jess has done in months.’

‘What do you mean?’ Elvis said sitting up which meant he was closer than before not that either of them seemed to care.

‘I’ve just been busy recently. Work’s been hectic and I just feel like she’s been on her own a lot,’ Addison said, she didn’t know why this was all spilling out of her now. After all, airing her insecurities in the middle of a zoo probably wasn’t the best place to do it but as Elvis watched her she felt that familiar tug from within. Like they weren’t at the zoo but holed away in his bedroom or driving around Memphis in his car like they used to. Like she was seventeen again.

‘I guess I’ve been feeling a little bad about it. I can’t even remember the last time we did something like this,’ she said genuinely trying to wrack her brain for the answer.

‘That doesn’t make you a bad mom,’ Elvis said.

‘I know,’ she said, ‘I just feel bad y’know? I guess it’s been since Marci left, Jess always had someone other than me…we’re just getting used to her not being here.’

At hearing Marci’s name Elvis’ mind whirred once more. He’d gotten some answers from Jess but there had been something burning inside him that he wanted to ask. A question he hadn’t dared broach just yet. Addison seemed to sense his curiosity as she said, ‘what?’

‘I guess I’ve been meaning to ask,’ he said tentatively.

‘About what?’ she asked.

‘Jess said you and Marci used to live together,’ he said.

‘Yeah?’ she asked not understanding where his thought process was going.

‘So…she knew? About Jess,’ he said.

‘Oh,’ Addison said quietly, ‘um, yeah.’

‘Did Jer?’ he asked, the worry that had been swirling around in his brain finally coming out. It had been bothering him from the start. His question seemed to startle her but she recovered quickly.

‘Of course not,’ she replied placing a hand on his thigh when she saw how worried he looked. It soothed him but not as much as her words did. It didn’t erase the fact people had betrayed him but knowing Jerry wasn’t one of them was something, ‘in fact I don’t even think he knows I was the reason they split up.’

‘What happened?’ he said curiously.

‘Well, she came and found me,’ she replied.

‘I meant all of it,’ he said making her brow furrow as he tried to explain, ‘what happened…after you left.’

‘Elvis,’ she said quietly. Again she felt that familiar tug but speaking about Marci was one thing. Telling him about all the other stuff was another.

‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,’ he said his baby blue eyes watching her hazel ones closely, ‘but I wanna know. All of it.’

‘Okay,’ she said with a sigh. He could tell she was gearing herself up to speak of it and he settled in hoping that if he just listened she’d humour him, ‘well you know that the Colonel shipped me off, right?’

‘Yeah,’ Elvis said trying to keep the bitterness inside him from his tone.

‘Well, I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I knew I couldn’t come back but being totally separated was hard, y’know? So, I kept in contact with Mar,’ she said.

‘Did she know? About the Colonel?’ he asked.

‘No,’ she said dropping her gaze to her lap, ‘I mean I didn’t really know how to tell her and I knew if I did she’d try and convince me to come back and I couldn’t do that…so I just kept it vague. We planned to go to college and how you’d be home in a couple of years…and then I found out I was pregnant and they moved me to a mother and baby home.’

‘What’s that?’ Elvis said though something in his gut told him he already knew. He hoped from the way she breezed past it meant that it wasn’t as bad as he feared.

‘A way for the school to keep its reputation essentially. You get moved over there, out of the way, with the idea that they’ll help you. And at first, I believed them. They made it seem like even having Jess that young I’d still be able to go to college like we planned but the longer I was there the more I realised they were pushing me to stay in school because they wanted me to give Jess up, probably even had a set of parents lined up,’ she said bitterly as she looked back at him, ‘once I realised that I took off, got on a bus and got off at the last stop. I ended up in the middle of nowhere…somewhere in Texas. Found a little motel and got a job cleaning for them, they even let me stay there.’

‘And Mar?’ he asked his heart aching at the ordeal of it all. He couldn’t imagine going through all of that – unable to tell anyone.

‘We kept in contact, but it was hard. She kept asking about colleges and why I hadn’t come home after the semester ended and I didn’t know what to tell her so I stopped answering her calls,’ she admitted, ‘which was dumb I know but at that point I knew there was no going back to Memphis and the more she talked the more it hurt.’

‘What happened?’

‘Your mom died,’ she admitted, ‘after that she knew something was wrong. She knew I would’ve been there…so she hauled ass to Texas.’

‘Sssh,’ Addison cooed as the baby continued to cry against her shoulder which was making tears form in her own eyes, ‘come on Jessie…just go to sleep okay? Mama really needs you to go to sleep.’

It was an empty plea; one Addison hoped her daughter would hear though as the continued to empty her lungs of every scrap of air inside them it didn’t seem to be working. Four days. Jess was only four days old and in that time Addison’s world had started to crumble. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy but if she was being honest with herself she had only been focused on the giving birth part. The rest of it hadn’t occurred to her.

She hadn’t anticipated the fact that even though she was still dog tired from labour she wouldn’t be afforded the luxury of sleep. She didn’t realise that whilst she held her daughter to her tender breast once again she would find that she had no food in the house to feed herself seeing as she had not been able to get to a grocery store at any point. She didn’t know that she would offer everything she could think of to this tiny human being and it still wouldn’t be enough or that she wouldn’t know how or what to do to fix it. And above all she hadn’t anticipated just how much her daughter would look like her father. How those tiny blue eyes sparkled like his even if they were filled with tears.

‘Come on Jessie, please,’ she said feeling her own sobs coming, ‘for Mama?’

As Jess continued to fuss Addison patted her back which suddenly expelled a modicum of spittle onto the shoulder of Addison’s only clean shirt. It wasn’t ideal but as soon as it was out of her she started to soothe making Addison heave a sigh of relief as she rubbed her baby’s back. Eventually she felt her start to doze off and she placed her into the Moses basket.

The other thing Addison hadn’t anticipated was just how much she would love her. Even with all the screaming, crying and pooping thrown in. As she fell into a sound sleep Addison grabbed a cloth off the dresser and wiped the small amount of baby vomit off her shoulder before she tossed it in the general direction of the laundry basket and collapsed onto her bed, feeling her own sleep coming.

She had barely closed her eyes before there was a knock on the door and though she was startled she leapt up to open it determined not to have the noise disturb her now soundly asleep new-born. Though as she wrenched the door open though she got quite a surprise. Standing in front of her wasn’t one of her disapproving neighbours [ones who came around to ‘check she was okay’ but always managed to slip in the fact that they were being disturbed by the racket] but instead, it was Marci.

‘Mar?’ she said stunned.

‘You’re not dead then,’ Marci said angrily before she pushed past her into the house.

‘Mar-’ Addison started as Marci walked into the middle of the room though she didn’t seem to take any of it in as she whipped around to confront her friend.

‘Do you know how worried I’ve been!? You practically disappeared off the face of the earth! No calls, no letters! I’ve been going out of my mind!’

‘I’ve been a little busy,’ Addison said tightly though she didn’t know why she was being short with her. She knew she was in the wrong but the number of hormones and exhaustion coursing through her right now was making it hard not to be snappy especially given her tone.

‘Busy? Doing what?!’ she asked, ‘because right now the only thing you should be busy doing is being on a bus back to Memphis! You know what’s happened right?’

‘What are you talking about?’ Addison said.

‘Elvis is back,’ she said her anger falling to sadness as she added, ‘his Mamas passed away.’

Addison stood there stunned. Marci’s words didn’t even seem to penetrate her brain but as she stared at her the more they sunk in. Elvis was back in Memphis. Elvis was back. And Gladys was dead. Her heart squoze tightly in her chest.

‘When?’ she asked through the lump that had formed in her throat.

‘A couple of days ago,’ Marci said quietly, ‘I’ve been waiting for you but Jerry said you’ve never been around and with you going silent…what’s going on?’

‘Mar,’ Addison said feeling tears prick her eyes. But she didn’t have to tell her anything. At that moment Jess started to fuss causing both of them to look towards the basinet in the corner of the room that Marci hadn’t even realised was there. Though her head was still reeling it was like a switch had been flicked in Addison and she moved past her friend to her daughter, picking her up which made her settle. As she held her in her arms Addison took a seat on the bed, her friend watching her in stunned silence.

‘I didn’t know how to tell you,’ Addison said after a moment, ‘I didn’t know how to tell anyone.’

‘Oh honey,’ Marci said taking a seat beside her friend and pulling her in with one arm as Jess continued to sleep in her mother’s arms. They stayed there for a moment, Marci watching the pair of them as tears rolled silently down her friend’s cheeks.

‘Addie,’ she said after a moment, ‘Addie you have to come home.’

‘I can’t,’ Addison said thickly.

‘Addie he needs to know about this,’ she said firmly.

‘I can’t Mar,’ she said looking at her pleadingly, ‘they don’t want me. None of them do.’

‘Elvis does,’ Marci said, ‘he loves you.’

‘It’s not enough,’ she said, ‘I wish it was but it’s not.’

‘Addie,’ Marci said sadly.

‘Mar I’m not going back. I can’t. And I know you don’t understand right now but I’ve had months to think this over. And no matter what I’m choosing my daughter. I’m choosing to protect her,’ she said. Marci looked at her friend. She didn’t understand, in fact, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to comprehend anything again in her life her mind was so all over the place at that moment but looking in Addison’s eyes she couldn’t help but feel her heartstrings tug. She hadn’t been able to help in past. With her dad. With Elvis. At every turn her friend had tried to hold it together herself and looking around the room at the chaos it looked as though this time she wasn’t winning the battle. Marci sighed.

‘So, what are we going to do?’ Marci said.

As the memory played on her mind she found Elvis watching her closely. It was something she hadn’t thought about in years and though at the time it had felt horrendous looking back now it was a fond one. It was the pinpoint of her life intertwining with Marci’s the way that it had. It was the reason she was even still going today. As Elvis waited for her to continue, she shuffled suddenly feeling under scrutiny.

‘And then she just stayed,’ she continued, ‘she wanted me to go back but she didn’t push. Honestly I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. I was a mess and she completely rallied around.’

‘Marci?’ he asked struggling to picture the ditzy teenager in the driver’s seat. Not when Addison was on board.

‘Yeah, I guess I’d been fighting for so long I didn’t have much fight left in me…’ Addison said quietly, ‘we spent the first year or so working in that little motel. Then she got a place at cosmetology school here in Vegas and we moved up here. We split working so that one of us was always with Jess. She even let me work for her when she started her own shop because it meant I could have Jess at the store with me instead of babysitters.’

‘That’s nice,’ he said. Though it hurt his heart to hear everything he was glad she had Marci. In fact, he was struck by how similar the situation was to his parents caring for her on behalf of Joe.

‘Yeah, not that cosmetology was really my thing,’ she said with a wry smile, ‘but once Jess was in kindergarten I decided to go to back to school. I mean I had my diploma so it wasn’t too hard and Mar still helped a lot. But about a year or so ago she met this guy and moved to California and I’m happy for her don’t get me wrong, but it was always just the three of us y’know? She was just always there…it’s just been a big change.’

‘I get that,’ Elvis said, ‘but it sounds like you guys did good…I’m glad you had her.’

‘Me too,’ Addison said with a soft smile, ‘that’s why I miss her so much. I know I was on my own but I wasn’t…not really.’

‘Well you’re not on your own now,’ Elvis reasoned, ‘you’ve got me. Both of you.’

‘Yeah, I guess you’re right,’ she said feeling hope flutter inside her.

‘Hey EP you guys coming?’ they heard Red call and when they looked over they found most of the group was already strolling to the next exhibit with Red lingering a few yards behind having noticed they hadn’t tagged along. Elvis smiled at her apologetically and then stood up offering a hand out to pull her up which he was surprised she took. As she smoothed out her clothes and started walking back to the party by his side she felt a weight be lifted off her.

It wasn’t easy but telling him all this stuff felt right. They had eased back into their friendship almost immediately but there still felt like a chasm between their souls, one that seemed to be healing with each interaction they had. That was why Jerry’s comment had unnerved her. She couldn’t love him, not like that, not yet at least, because there was too much that needed to come before any of it. Fortunately, it felt like that stuff was starting to happen.

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