#the executive dysfunction is real today

[lucybianchi]

me: i wanna do some writing :) also me: *continuously refreshing my dashboard to avoid doing the thing i literally want to do*

[muselexum]

[agrownupgeekgirl]

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

bro i’m so sick of being mentally ill like this shit is so annoying bc why i am literally incapable of passing 4 courses in one semester. and mind you i have pretty much no social life and did one extracurricular this semester and exactly zero last year. what do you mean my friends go to parties on weekends and have jobs on campus and also hobbies and free time?

[abowlofpetuniasandawhale]

if you’ve never been depressed and you don’t understand why people don’t just do the really simple easy things to help themselves: i broke down sobbing last night because the effort involved in trying to fall asleep was too much.

[lee-jinkis-ponytail]

.

[veshialles]

oh god how am i going to get through the next few weeks like genuinely

[aria-i-adagio]

Nope. Nope. Nope.

[parakeetpark]

Executive dysfunction. Tried for between 1-2 hours to pick a movie. Giving up

[dhampir-dyke]

[brokendownhearse]

.

[johnbleepingzoidberg]

sometimes i torture myself by intentionally reading thru stupidly rude/unnecessary comments on random instagram posts. why do i do this to myself

[ponett]

as someone who released a completed game, do you have any advice on how to actually finish a major artistic project?

i always start small with my ambitions, and i AM able to make short + finished projects. but i can never seem to scale that experience very well when i try to make something bigger

this was a real challenge for me. the thing that helped me the most was just breaking everything down into smaller goals and milestones. the game was broken down into acts, and then the acts were broken down into areas and sequences, and then those had individual checklists of tasks to complete. the periods where i got the least done and burnt out the most frequently were the ones where i was jumping around a lot and letting myself feel daunted by the scope of the entire game, while my most productive periods were ones where i buckled down and focused on just one section at a time, mostly working in chronological order so that more and more of the game would be playable contiguously. getting feedback from friends (in my case, playtesting) after each of the major milestones was also a great motivator

in the last couple years of development it also helped to give myself a strict five day work week where i always had to take the weekend off, no matter how much progress i'd made in those five days. this'll be a little different for anyone with a regular job on top of their creative work, but the point about needing to take days off still stands. it's easy to beat yourself up about a lack of progress and be like "well i can't take saturday off because i didn't get anything done today," but a day where you struggle with executive dysfunction and feel guilty about it is absolutely not a restful day off

[hyuukais]

Waiting

Finally, after many busy weeks, you’d be getting to see your boyfriend again. Beomgyu was coming home for an entire weekend. However, you were still stuck at the worst part of his return, the waiting.

word count: 1.5k

genres: beomgyu x streamer!reader, slice of life, fluff, insinuations of angst

warnings: language, mentions of executive dysfunction, reader plays zelda specifically botw because i do not have totk 👎👎👎👎

author: FINALLY SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY !! hopefully i will have more content coming soon im just in a major slump atm 😔 also shoutout to @ssunnae & @bobariki sunny and rue thank you both so so much for beta-reading this !!

The colorful LEDs shift along the floorboards, currently a fog of purple misting the floor. Trickles of soft mood music set the low-light room into its sleepy atmosphere. Two large monitors illuminate your face in blue light, aided by a small ring light situated to your left. Amid the calm, an underwhelming rage slowly fizzles up in your throat.

“Oh come on; not right now, please!” The sudden battle music picking up in your headphones sends you into a panic as an enemy health bar appears at the top of the screen. Rain crashes on Link, lightning streaking across in pixels. Your fingers smash around frantically, trying to run away as the Lynel begins to draw its bow.

“Please please please please, don’t-” Unable to draw a weapon or get away, a hard strike lighting descends on the character. The hearts filling the top left of the screen go dark.

“God-fuck!” Red light blinds your eyes with the large “Game Over” fading onto the screen. Your head slams down onto the desk, the top of it all that’s left in view of the camera. The long-winded groan that leaves you is still picked up well by your mic. Chat messages fly fast along your monitor; many expressing their simple sympathy for your defeat, others instead laughing at the situation.

Slowly drawing yourself back up, you catch on the monitor displaying the stream and take a moment to look at everything. “Man…I know I said today was only gonna be Zelda but…this is already the 7th time I’ve died.” Your words trail into a whining laugh. More comments flood the chat. Some call out your terrible playing, some suggest other ideas for the rest of the stream, and many are just extremely off-topic.

“I’m not usually this bad! I don’t know what’s happening to me.” You were out of it today, unfocused, and part of you knew why. “I guess…I dunno, I think I’m just tired!”

This space-y feeling had been following you all day. It was the sort of distance your brain felt when experiencing executive dysfunction. Stuck in a loop of boredom; waiting for something, anything. Struggling to do anything, but still wanting to. Oftentimes, it was hard to discern a particular reason for the feeling, maybe burnout or simply worms in your brain. Today, however, you could easily guess the reason. Today, there was something to wait for. After more than a few weeks apart, Beomgyu would finally be coming over.

You and your boyfriend were both busy people; both public figures in your own right. Although, his schedule as an idol was arguably stricter than yours as a streamer. Between the end of the North America leg of the tour, preparing for their Japanese comeback, and the new single, you hadn’t seen Beomgyu face-to-face in close to a month. It was like spending a month in hell. A month without having his hands in yours, body wrapped in your arms, lips painting your skin, heartbeat beneath your fingers; the reminders that he was real and he was all yours. So, now that you’ll finally get him all to yourself for a whole weekend, your brain was searching for any way to skip to having him back in your arms. Hence, why Link has died more than five times by your incompetence.

“Maybe-uh-why don’t we switch gears? Maybe Zelda was a bad idea.” Considering your head space, streaming today in general may not have been the best of your ideas; you still felt bad for skimping out on a regularly scheduled stream. You also kind of hoped streaming would give you some distraction from sitting by the front door like a puppy.

You click around, filling the screen up with your face as you exit the game. “Hmm…what about…animal crossing? Minecraft? Thoughts, chat?”

You watched message after message fly by, all varying that you don’t actually reach a consensus with them.

“I think…hmm…” You watch a moment more, “Okay, I think we’re gonna do Minecraft.”

Once again, your face cam is moved to the corner as your PC feed takes up the stream. The ambient music takes over for your voice, filling up the silence as things load. Grass blocks and wood load in first before the sudden appearance of buildings. You spawn near a small farm you last left off building.

This wasn’t the world you usually streamed from; preferring the action a survival world provided for content. Actually, this was a world you’d created and built with Gyu, and some of the other members much after you invited them. Although, your audience didn’t need to know any of that. “I’m just going to stick to creative this time, chat. Something…calmer, y’know.”

Soon enough, you find yourself sinking into a rhythm with the music. You keep working on the farm you left unfinished, fixing it up with the build of a greenhouse. Little commentary is provided; small tidbits here and there as you casually speak to yourself. Humming to the music at times and finding some focus on small tasks.

Your headspace shifting from inattentive to hyper-fixated, you’re not particularly tuned into any noise besides what’s pumping in your head. Perhaps that’s why you don’t notice the usual creak of the hallway floorboards or the awful squeaking of your office door. You don’t even see all of the chat messages taking note of those very things. Rarely looking away from the game, there’s no note in your mind of the torso slowly creeping up behind your chair; head just out of camera view, hands sneaking up to your headset.

It’s sudden, the relieving of pressure against your ears, the disappearance of your soft tunes, the realization that there is a person in your home and they are standing behind you.

Your scream is shrill and unending. The whiplash from how fast your turn around would have your head spinning if not for the new pumps of adrenaline coursing through you.

There, standing behind you, wearing the stupidest little cocky smile, is the cause of all your problems. Beomgyu was smart enough to keep his face just outside of the camera, hiding his identity from any viewers. Still, with pretty much the rest of him in frame, this is the largest glimpse your audience has ever gotten of your boyfriend. The chat reacts accordingly to such a realization.

You scramble around to mute your microphone and cover your camera; cutting off your connection as more and more chat messages fly faster along the screen. Nothing else matters though, as you spin your chair around to face the man looking down at you. He’s smiling still, eyes crinkled up and lips split wide. The way you leap at him sends him stumbling back.

Beomgyu’s hands come to cradle your back as you take him in your arms; feel him, his heat, his breath, the shake in his chest when he chuckles. His head settles upon yours. You squeeze his middle tighter and tighter and take in the depth of his scent. Head pressed against his chest, his heart beats softly in your ear.

“That…” You pull yourself away to get a look at his face, “was mean.”

He laughs as you slap at his arm; languorously boisterous, infectious with the happiness of his simple presence. A smile breaches your cheeks, soon enough, as well. Beomgyu’s hands tickle along your waist; keep you close, skin touching skin.

“It was a surprise.”

“More like a jumpscare!”

“Same difference.” His breath brushing your skin all this time finally comes ever closer. Douses you in his everything. A sweet peck on your lips, interrupted by a smile and a whisper. “I missed you.”

The fire of his words floods the pit of your stomach. His lips were barely pulled away from yours and yet that was too far. Your hands cupping his cheeks, pull him closer, filling your space with his. Breaths mingling with heavy words.

“I missed you, too.” You bring his mouth to yours; sway in his presence and feeling. Almost pulling away before more. “So much.”

Head tilted back, chest pressed into his, lips meeting in reverie. Beomgyu’s arms encase your waist; your fingers twirl in his hair. So soft, delicate, fluffy—so like him. Such is the kiss. Deep and sweet, nothing further than adoration. It’s intoxicating sugar; he’s delicious and addicting. His taste sticks to your lips as they leave his. Eyes still fluttered shut, taking in the disappearing feeling.

“I…have to finish off my stream.” You can barely stand to push him away, losing the soft brush of his thumb beneath the hem of your shirt, “You get yourself situated and I’ll be right there.”

The pout on his lips is nothing short of goading after losing your kiss. Still, he responds, although not without an eye roll. “Okay, but if you’re not done in 10 minutes, I get to choose the movie tonight!”

He plants a quick peck on your cheek before leaving you in the office. You have to laugh at how proud he is of that challenge as if you weren’t going to let him pick anyways. Though now, you may just have to get your own bit of payback and not leave him waiting.

© HYUUKAIS 2023

[forevermore-quoth-the-kitten]

MC has ADHD (Part 1)

MC has ADHD, and medicated or not, there's no adderal in the Devildom, so they have to deal with it on their own. Sometimes that doesn't go over too well since the denizens of the Devildom have no clue how to handle you sometimes.

Lucifer

Lucifer understands that sometimes you put things off and procrastinate, he can deal with your habit when it's not nearly as bad as some of his brothers.

but today you just will not do anything. you have chores and homework and school and you haven't done any of them today! he can't understand it and is trying to lecture you but you just groan and tell him you can't do anything even if you tried. you did try, but he has a hard time believing it.

Lucifer freezes when you drop a phrase he doesn't know though. he stops and asks you what 'executive dysfunction' is and he sits and listens as you explain.

why do you not always have it, he wonders. and you do, but some days it's worse than others. today you can't do anything other than really mindless things and it's why you can't seem to get anything done.

is this condition tied to something else? . . . ok now you have to explain ADHD to him because he's heard of it but hasn't bothered learning about it since it's not something relevant to him.

after you explain everything he wants to know, Lucifer has a sneaking suspicion that it might be more relevant to his life than he thought, you described a certain brother of his and some of his behaviors too well.

he's curious and wonders if there's anything in the devildom will help. you said it's a physical thing, so there must be a medication that helps, right?

Adderal? he'll look into that. Lucifer leaves you be after that and within two days you're doing your work properly again. he does his best but there doesn't seem to be any human safe alternative to adderal in the devildom. he'll get you some from the human realm (somehow)

Mammon

don't get him wrong, Mammon loves it when you guys go shopping! but what's the occasion, you tend to try to avoid going shopping with him!

impulse buying-wait weren't you lecturing him about that just a few days ago?! hypocrite!! Mammon's all pouty and defensive but you're just rolling your eyes.

there's a difference between constantly buying things just because and a random but uncommon impulse buy, and you only wanted to go to one store.

Mammon doesn't get it, you see something you want and you buy it, that's exactly what you're doing right now! Control nothing you owe him for lecturing him! buy him something!

no?! why are you laughing?!

you appease him by stopping at a cafe and getting him something while you sit down and explain why you suddenly had the strong rudge to stop at that store and buy something. you like that store and just really needed something you saw from it online, but you prefer shopping in person.

Mammon's confused when you get into something you have and he panics when you drop some weird name. like do you have a disease?! are you dying?!

no? so what is it? geez, don't scare him like that human! Mammon settles back and does his best to remember everything you say, and he gets really confused when he starts asking questions about ADHD and you start telling him about things he does.

Mammon asks you about it, mad that you're just making fun of him, but you just laugh and say that you were pretty sure he had ADHD too, and that he can ask you about anything he wants to know about it. it might be different since he's a demon, but you'll do your best.

you make him listen though, you threaten to use your pact to make him remember what you say, and he promises he won't forget (he wont, he always remembers things you say). once he does that, you make it very clear that knowing about his ADHD and stuff is NOT an excuse to use to get away with things.

It's mental, yes, and it's a real physical issue you have and he might have, but it's not a tool to just have at your disposal. you use it to explain things sometimes but he can't use ADHD as a scapegoat to get away with things. if he does you will rat him out to Lucifer for things he hides from his brother and that's a very scary threat. he won't be using it as an excuse any time soon, not just because of that but because you told him and he finally understands a lot more about parts of himself.

the first time he uses that knowledge and apologizes for not being able to do his homework to Lucifer, it catches his brother off guard, but it actually works. You end up explaining to Lucifer, who says he'll try to find something to help Mammon! he's really happy and shows it with lots of happy cuddles and little gifts for you that you helped him out like that.

Leviathan

Leviathan is angry- no furious! at you! how dare you!

you promised to be in his room right after school to play the new game he bought for you both! and he waited and waited because maybe you were running late or grabbing snacks or- or maybe you got abducted and you were hurting-

but no! it was none of that! 2 hours after school ended he finds out that you were having out with Mammon!!

Levi paces as he snaps and rages, demon form out, trying not to cry and very upset! you broke his trust, you blew him off and you didn't even care enough to tell him-!

he shuts up when you cover his mouth with your hand

and Levi's pissed! he's angry! he wants to stay angry dammit! so stop looking at him so upset-

you're so sorry you forgot, you tell him, you didn't mean to. you were so excited and even Diavolo can tell you that you were so excited but then as you were leaving school Lucifer needed you to run an errand.

And a big issue you struggle with is out of sight out of mind. Once you got that errand, it took the forefront of your mind and you ended up forgetting about your guys' play date gaming session.

Levi doesn't understand, how can you forget things that important that easily?! It makes no sense

Levi, bro, honey, you sweet demon, you need to remember that you've gotten the following important things: Lucifer's birthday, going out with Asmo, a study date with Satan

You literally hadn't showered in three days when Mammon reminded you 10 MINUTES BEFORE YOU HAD TO LEAVE FOR A PHOTO SHOOT NO ONE REMINDED YOU ABOUT. Not to mention the many OTHER examples of shit you've forgotten of varying importance.

Levi was laughing by the time you were done.

He still didn't get it, but he got enough that you can't really help it and will try to be accmodating- wait! So you just need reminded!

Yup, pretty much.

Levi is proud of himself for figuring out a solution! You just laugh, bit he loves your laugh and you guys get right to gaming once he pulls you into his room. He'll just make sure in the future you won't be able to forget!

Satan

Normally Satan loves reading with you, even if its just him reading and you're doing something else, its still the same to him and he tends to love it. but now annoyance is building and he really doesn't want to but fuck!

stop tapping your foot!

his snap makes you jolt and his annoyance dies quickly. Satan apologizes and you do too, saying you'll stop.

and its ok for a few minutes

then the aggravation comes back full force as you bounce your leg

why are you fucking fidgety?!

you jump at his snarl, power leaking from him

it visibly pisses you off and Satan almost regrets it, but its so damn annoying and distracting! why can't you sit still

you can't fucking helping it, ok?! you'd stop if you could but you're not aware of it! you're just trying to focus on your stupid homework so if you're that much of an annoyance you'll just leave!

Satan immediately regrets it, he can sense your anger and frustration and stops you from grabbing your things, forcing himself to be calm.

what's wrong? he's sorry snapping and bursting like that, but can you explain why your so fidgety if he promises to be better?

you sigh but nod, sitting down and explain that figeting is something you can't help. you had ADHD, its a lot of things, but its got 'attention' and 'hyperactive' in its name on purpose.

there are different types, of course, its not all or nothing, but fidgeting comes from the hyperactive part. a bit of fidgeting helps you focus and right now you're really struggling with this Devildom history exam you're trying to study for.

Satan feels guilty and mentally promises to research more into ADHD for you, but sits down and helps you study, setting his book aside and finds that your tapping and leg bouncing isn't as annoying now that he know why you do it.

Asmodeus

Asmodeus was beyond confused as he watched you grumble and mutter about being bored but did nothing to solve that. you just laid there on the couch doing nothing.

he went over to asked if you wanted to go shopping with him, thinking that it would be perfect since you loved to go shopping with him!

nope

how about you have a spa day?

mmmmnnnnoooooo?

ooookkk- so how about you watch deviltube?

you could, but you don't want to watch anything so it would just be for him.

with every suggestion and idea, you shut Asmo down and he's just getting more and more frustrated.

well are you just going to sit here staying bored or are you going to do something about it?! because he doesn't know what you want, do you want to be bored or something?!

you sigh and sit up, looking as frustrated as he feels.

you tell him to sit down and ask if he knows what ADHD is.

Asmo had a few lovers who had it but he really doesn't know anything about it other than a few things in passing.

he listens raptly as you explain that your mind works fast on the best of days and that theres a reason its common knowledge that its hard to get someone with ADHD to pay attention.

their brains move from one thing to another trying to find serotonin, so when you don't get it from something or it stops giving you that serotonin, you want to move on to something else.

but sometimes you just can't focus on anything and everything does the opposite of what you want. thus the seemingly incurable boredom.

Asmo cant even imagine what that's like, the idea of not being entertained by what he loves (such as makeup and shopping and partying) is unfathomable! yet here you are telling him that even your favorite things can be boring sometimes!

he's nearly in tears at the fact that this is just something you're used to! he swears to find something that you enjoy right then, and despite it taking actual ages, he figures it out and is incredibly happy and proud when he figures out how to solve your boredom!

Beelzebub

Beel's been watching you all day with increasing concern, even though hes also impressed?

its the weekend so you don't have RAD, but it started because you were late to breakfast because you'd been cleaning up your room and lost track of time.

then after breakfast when he got back from the gym and was going to shower after his post workout meal, he found you cleaning the common room of stuff that had been last there the night before from the group study session.

then he heard from his brothers that Lucifer was asleep because you kicked him out of his office so you could clean in there and reorganize his desk.

then Satan came to lunch to tell them you weren't hungry and you were in his room cleaning up his books and helping making room for all of them on his shelves.

that was when Beel got worried, because you had to be hungry after all that cleaning, right? Lucifer told him not to worry, not everyone was him, after all, so he tried not to. but in the next four hours he started to watch you more.

you made Levi take a walk and got all the trash out of his room, dusted and cleaned up his booked, manga, and figurines and stuff.

you and Mammon hung out in his room, which Beel thought was fine since Mammon takes good care of you, until he found out from their group chat that you'd enlisted his help to clean his room. including all of the trash (even from his cars), dirty clothes, his bed, all the things!

then it was getting close to dinner and he waited for you to show up. you didn't, so as soon as he finished he went to find you. you were in Asmo's room talking to him as you two were in his closet talking about purging stuff and making room by reorganizing?

Beel decided he'd come back later when you were done talking to ask if you were ok, but when he did Asmo was bagging things up and said you'd left for the kitchen.

Beel was thirlled, you had to have gone to eat! he was going to ask you what you wanted but froze outside and then in the door, watching you wash the dishes since Belphie had forgotten to.

hey, uh,-

he tries not to scare you, and you turn to him asking if he needs anything.

yeah, have you eaten anything today and just not eaten with them?

the question makes you pause, and you cringe a bit.

no, sorry, i was just so focused on cleaning suddenly that you forgot.

how-how do you forget to eat?

Beels horrified at the prospect.

you laugh, but its a bit guilt. you tell him to sit down and stop doing to dishes, saying you'll explain. you get a water bottle first and he can feel it as it hits your body because your entire body reacts. you hadn't had any water either?!

Beel watches as you down that water bottle and then a second without stopping before suddenly stopping and turning to the fridge, hunger radiating off of you.

that hunger wasn't there before! what happened?!

as you dig through the fridge you tell him that you have something called ADHD, you tell Beel about it and how its not quite a deficit of attention but bad regulation of it. what you'd been doing all day was proof of that, its called hyperfocus.

Beel can't understand how you can get so focused on anything that you forget to eat or drink or even sleep (he shivers knowing how Belphie would react to finding out that you hadn't slept last night either because you'd been cleaning your room and the attic), but apparently if happens to you all the time.

hes glad that you stopped to eat as soon as you got reminded to, and he promised to watch you and make sure it doesn't happen again because you did kind of scare him (that's not good for humans, he knows that much).

you can't promise that it wont happen again, and you appreciate it, it helps a lot to have someone remind you to do stuff like that.

in other news, how much food are you making because that's a him sized snack.

you just gave him a look. you havent eaten since dinner yesterday and its nearly midnight! also, THIS IS A BIG MEAL AND ITS A YOU SNACK! YOU DON'T GET TO JUDGE!

Beel just laughs happily and tries to get his own snack.

key word being tries, you're still under orders from Lucifer to stop him and he pouts about it, but you share your food so he's ok with that.

Belphegor

Ok, Belphie knew that when he was awake could be stupid, but he was sloth and when he got enough sleep and was wide awake, it was random as hell.

But you are just ridiculous

Fucking idiotic even

He knows damn well humans need more sleep than you're getting

So why don't you tell him why you're up at 1 am after telling Lucifer you were going to go to bed early.

You freeze at Belphie in the doorway to the common room, looking thoroughly unimpressed at you gaming later than even Levi's usually up before an in person school day.

Uuhhh, you can explain?

You better, Belphie snorts. He's the master of dreams, so he knows you haven't been having nightmares. So don't even try that excuse

No, you weren't going you, you promise. You just couldn't sleep.

He doesn't believe you

Then he gets this look on his face like shock that rapidly changes to disgust

Don't tell him you have ADHD

Now you blanch. How did he guess that?!

Belphie grumbles and plops down next to you. Demons of all kinds suffer from a lot of thensame shit humans do, so even if he hated humans, he knew a stupid amount of shit from them for his own demons. ADHD sleep cycles are bullshit and he hates them, but he knows how to handle them because there are sloth demons with ADHD that he's helped

So he takds a guess to prove it sinc enow you were the skeptical one. You were sleepy and tired but as soon as you got ready for bed or got into bed, you suddenly had a random burst of energy and could sleep. (He also mentions that you don't have insomnia, he knows how that feels all too well, so it can't be the 'can't sleep' thing in that sense.)

Does it piss him off?

Yes

Is he mad to realize you have it too?

Absolutely

Are you shocked when you two end up as each other pillows anyways five minutes later, your energy suddenly slipping away from under your skin.

Is he getting rid of your energy?

Sort of, Belphie answers. He's getting rid of the excess by eating the extra. It'll keeping him awake longer, but you'll make it up to him by letting him sleep with you that night.

And if you need the sleep bad but this happens again, he makes you promise to come to him before the sleep takes over you.

Part 2

[thedaughterofdionysus]

The real face of executive dysfunction and depression. This is what I am fighting today.

My bedroom floor.