#the english major in me loves some symbolism btw

[ohsomanylovelywords]

(Kyoru) Momiji POV - Worth the Heartbreak

Kyo’s staring at Tohru, entranced as she completes the mundane task of folding laundry. It’s sweet, sickeningly sweet. I kind of feel like I’m going to throw up, to be completely honest. Instead, I put on an exaggerated smile and wrap an arm around Tohru. I want to be a little possessive, just this once. “Tohru, you work too hard. Let’s get away from grumpy Kyo and go for a walk.”

Kyo scowls, playing the part, but breaks into an easy smile, ruffling my hair. “Have fun, you two,” he calls, as we walk out. I’m not even a threat. 

Tohru turns to me and smiles, her eyes focused solely on mine. “Where to today, Momiji-kun?” It’s a completely harmless, platonic question, but she asks it like it’s the most important question in the world, like I’m the most important person in her world right now. Even if it’s just right now. 

“There are so many pretty flowers in bloom right now, so let’s go on a mission to collect them all!” 

She smiles again, pleased with the idea. “We could make a bouquet for everyone,” she decides excitedly. I return her smile with one of my own.

We walk along the path for at least half an hour, adding flowers to our collection and talking animatedly about the weather, the shape of the clouds, whatever catches our attention.

“Oh!” Tohru exclaims. “That flower is just like Kyo-kun’s hair.” I stare at the orange flower and concede to the truth in that statement. 

Adding a few of the flowers to our basket, I continue walking until I spot a row of delicate yellow flowers along the path.

Threading them into a flower crown, I place them on her head. “You look beautiful,” I say easily. Tohru blushes at the compliment. She sees the world as beautiful, but she rarely sees it in herself.

I make a flower crown for myself, freeing my hands. “You look cute, too, Momiji-kun!” 

I smile and hold her hand as we walk back. She squeezes my hand, and comments on a rabbit-shaped cloud in the sky. As we walk, the clouds shift above us. Tohru doesn’t notice and I don’t point it out. But the long bunny ears have become shorter and the rabbit cloud has grown a tail.

We turn a corner and Shigure’s house is in view. I know days like this won’t last forever. I have limited time. Days, maybe weeks until they figure out what we all already know. “Do you want to go out again tomorrow?” 

Maybe minutes. Tohru doesn’t answer. She’s staring at the house. Kyo’s lounging on the porch, unaware. “Tohru-kun?” 

The question startles her. “Sorry, Momiji-kun, what did you say?”

I wave off her concern. “Nothing. I’m just excited to be spending time with you.” 

She turns to me fully and smiles yet again. My heart wants to burst from the warmth in that smile. 

Kyo greets us before we even reach the door. “Nice flowers,” he comments.

“Do you want a flower crown, too?” Tohru asks, clearly worried he feels left out. Kyo chuckles and touches hers lightly. “No, I don’t think that’d suit me.”

“No?” Tohru says, with the slightest disappointment. Taking off my own flower crown, I start to hand it to Kyo. “Wait,” she exclaims, but my hope vanishes a second later. Reaching into the bouquet, she adds the orange flower to the crown. It completely overpowers the smaller yellow ones. 

Kyo looks slightly put out, but places it on his head and looks to her for approval. She smiles with delight. “Perfect.” Embarrassed, he blushes and smiles back, not quite staring back at her. Neither notice I’ve walked away, but I smile and wave goodbye anyhow.

I don’t have a chance, and I know it. But a smile and a heart like that is worth the heartbreak.

Update: Decided to turn this into a series of drabbles from multiple character perspectives on Ao3.

[itsbaku]

Every Single Thing in Souls of War with Meaning

Because I'm insane and this is basically a love letter to everyone who wants to learn more about my lore

(Quick thank you to @git-it for being so invested in my lore to the point where it makes me motivated to work on this stuff. Thank you man, I don't know why you love it so much, but it means a lot 💗💗💗)

Btw this has a ton of spoilers for the books, but let's be honest here. This is free lore and if you wanna know about the Souls of War franchise, read this.

First the characters(Who mainly represent aspects of being a teenager)-

Baku- Represents mental illness and issues with mentality. They are shown to struggle with themself and deals with a lot of trauma.

Camazotz- Represents being optimistic and always seeing the good in life. Managing how to live life even though it is filled with bad, and still accepting those bads.

Mischief- Represents the refusal or fear of growing up and maturing. He is an adult in SoW:EoG but still acts like his normal child-like self with a sprinkle of teenager.

Muerto- Represents body issues, disability, or anything relating to hating or disliking your own body. He can be interpreted in many ways, but I intended him on being hating your body because of puberty. He feels as if he is no longer himself because he lost something that made him him, and is now someone else. But he is up for more interpretation, like hating your disability due to your new self or hating your body because you are trans. Interpret him how you will.

Talon- Represents imaginary friends in youth and growing up. He was created to be a friend to a lonely soul, like how kids make imaginary friends when they simply want friends. He is shown to always say what The Supreme God wants to hear, which is what we do with our imaginary friends since they are our creations and do what we want. However, he is told that he should leave to live with Baku. This is because as we grow up, we tend to want or just leave things behind as we grow.

The Supreme God- Represents...well, a lot. The Supreme God can be very versatile with interpretation. They can be seen as a being that is selfish and is forced to learn how to be human, they can be seen as a soul forced into a position they could never properly learn of, there's a lot. But here's my original pitch...a creator. The Supreme God represents someone who feels unappreciated after basically creating everything. They eventually try to gift someone who helped them, but doesn't understand why they refused their gift. Basically someone who wants to feel appreciated but is confused when people don't want their appreciation, if that makes sense. Maybe, idk.

Anyways, if you had different interpretations of the characters, let me know! I love hearing y'all's thoughts on my content!

Now, non-character things. Some of this might sound like trivia but most of it is important, so apologies if it all feels quick.

Souls of War-

Camazotz and most Aztec Gods speak Spanish on occasion. Now, why is this important? Well, the Aztecs and most ancient civilizations had their native tongue erased by the Europeans. Because of this, the Aztec Gods struggled to continue to preach and speak. They had to speak Spanish to still work with their worshippers. However they speak English for a majority of the book because of the obvious, but also to be comprehensive. They also say a lot of swear words in Spanish lol.

I made many cultural references in the first book. My favorite being La Catrina. La Catrina is a symbol in Mexican culture of being usually represented as a singer made of bones. She is very beautiful and drawn a lot with beautiful clothing and markings on her skull.

I'm pretty sure I made a 13 heavens reference in it. Anyways, The Thirteen Heavens is a set of heavens in Aztec mythology where the gods reside in a level type of structure. I kinda made more of a "For gods sake!" type of thing because y'know, it works.

Camazotz dies in the end. For a long of reasons, but mainly as a backstory that turned into a main story.

Souls of War: Eyes of Chaos-

The prologue starts with summarized backstory of Baku. That's pretty good. We get an idea of how sick someone can get of second chances.

Camazotz has a birb girlfriend, which you can exclusively learn from my Tumblr and Twitter.

We get more with Camazotz, which is good because we always need more with the og bat.

Also in this book we get perspective chapters, because I know we need to know how these two feel about each other.

Baku is a rather fickle character in this book, but there's good reason for it. Baku is so tired of just letting things happen, feeling like they can barely do anything to change anything. So, they change. Baku becomes rather malicious and cruel in this book. Baku finally shows their true colors, which is good because they finally get to start confronting their issues.

Baku eats some conchas. This is more just because I love conchas and I wanted to make a "Baku doesn't know what certain things are" joke. They make a comment on how they thought conchas were shells(conches 🐚).

So idk how relevant this is, but Baku first attacks Camazotz in the face first. Baku prefers to attack the face, mostly the eyes. Why? Because Baku believes that no one else can see the truth, so they are unworthy of their own eyes.

Baku also thinks a lot, a lot more than they speak at times. Souls of War Harbingers of Magic has the record of how much Baku has spoken.

So even though Camazotz and Baku do reconcile in the end, they still have a somewhat rocky relationship. They have a "I don't hate you, I wouldn't say love, but I'd die, kill, and spare for you" type of thing I guess.

Camazotz heavily idolizes Baku in a way. She thinks of them a lot, and usually does in casual and kind ways. I think it's nice.

Souls of War: Harbingers of Magic-

Ok we get Muerto's backstory right in the prologue. I need everyone to know...that Muerto basically hates himself. Look man, when you lose the most important thing to yourself, and feel forced to take on a new identity, and then forced to soon deal with trauma, I think you'd hate your life a little.

So Mischief gets a spotlight here a little, because he is a important character. In a way, he is a redeemer. His purpose is to help those who kinda had hardships in life.

Anyways the whole thing of them being Harbingers of Magic is glossed over rather quickly. But it's important because of the next book.

So Muerto actually manages to confront a hidden issue he had. In the book, he wanted to sacrifice himself to kill Soulix, the antagonist. However, Mischief did not want him to, hoping that Camazotz and Baku would kill Soulix. When Muerto accidentally hurts Mischief, instead of proceeding with his actions, he stops and acknowledges what he did. Because he did what he promised to never do. He wanted to stop problems, instead of confronting them. But in the end, he learned how to try and handle a problem.

Muerto also learns to accept how he looks. Sure, that might clash with his character, but it's for good reason. He realized that if his friends were willing to do so much for him, that he never wanted them to care about...why did he need to change? Why must he do something that they never take notice of? They didn't care that he didn't have wings, they loved him for who he was. He decided that he wasn't going to "fix" himself, but embrace who he is now.

Baku and Camazotz have a small argument over alcohol. This is mainly to show they still sorta just talk over anything, even if it is pure nonsense.

Souls of War: End of Godhood-

The title is extremely misleading but it works in the end.

So The Supreme God is the main antagonist, with Talon being their partner in crime. But Talon gets his redemption earlier than they do.

So Talon is a character...a character most like me. You'd expect me to say that about The Supreme God, but no. Talon is by far the most character. He learns how to be himself, how to live without orders, and how to see others as equals. But, before that, we can see someone who can act a type of normal. He acts the normal has always been trained to act. Of course, he can act normal, as he is capable of being friendly. But he is usually trained to obey orders until it is resting time. Anyways getting off track but he is a very interesting character.

We get to see some fun God interaction, until it ain't fun anymore. We learn that again, gods can be unreasonable stupid and do the bad things. Yes, I am very fond of the ideas of gods not being very godly.

Camazotz gets some bonding time with the boys, and Muerto is so intolerant of her at times. He only really accepts childishness from Mischief, not a god.

So Talon gets adopted into the family, and he has an extremely hard time trying to adjust. But he is very grateful to be invited to be somewhere to live. Plus he can still see The Supreme God, so win win.

So to answer a question, Talon was never designed to be a weapon. He was a companion, but due to The Supreme God's curiosity, they gave him power and trained him to be a certain way. Talon doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't even really know who he is either. He is more of a occasionally used shank.

In the beginning of SoW EoG, there's a lot of flower talk. The flowers have meaning actually, but I can't remember each one right now. What I can remember is that Marigolds, lilac, and hydrangeas are all mentioned. Look up their meanings and maybe you can piece it together on why.

Ok so that's a bunch of stuff. Thanks for reading. I hope you somewhat enjoyed it? I love talking about the lore.

Til we meet again my friends.

[lia-jones]

hello again lia! first of all, happy mothers' day!! you're not my mother (but i'm aware that you are one) but i normally like to take this day to tell the older women in my life how much i appreciate them. thank you for creating such a magnificent world for me and many others to enjoy. if my evol is inspiring you to write (this compliment made my day btw) then we must be very similar, because i'm sure your evol is inspiring me and others in not just writing, but life in general 💖 this might be reaching you a bit late, but i hope you had a wonderful day!

anyways, the advice you gave really helped a lot! especially the part with finding your own voice and working with it, i think that's the reason why i started writing in the first place. i've done stuff for english class in the past, but as you might know, school doesn't really encourage thinking outside the box and finding your own voice. which is kind of making the writing process difficult...but i'm slowly getting there! i wrote the first chapter and a half and i'm finally happy with where my story has started (i was struggling to figure out where i should start, since my story has lots of original lore).

alsoooo i want to ask you some interesting oc questions i found (directed towards andrea) >:3 1. what are your oc's best and worst qualities? what do they think are their best and worst qualities? 2. does their fashion sense reflect an aspect of their personality? (ie bright and colorful outfits symbolizing that they're an upbeat person) 3. what is their mbti type? 4. if they had a theme song, what would it be? (i specifically asked this one because i know how much music has influenced you to write this story, so im interested to see which song you pick) 5. what would your oc say is the happiest day of their life? ok, that's it! once again, thank you so much for being such an awesome person (please never leave tumblr) and brightening other people's day. i'm looking forward to hearing your answers to my questions, goodbye!!!! - 🌸 anon

Hello my beautiful flower!

I got your message and I was like, can't take long to answer, but life got in the way but hey! I'm here now, I found the time, yay! First of all, thank you for the kind words. I'm humbled, for me it's an honor to have you all here. Really, you left the writer with no words (tearing up a little). Second of all, I'm so glad you found your voice and were able to throw away old conceptions that (in my opinion) have very little place in literature. Write your heart out. I so long to read it, I bet it's beautiful!

Your questions are soooo goood! And I love talking about Andrea, I like how humanly flawed she is, she is so great to explore!

1. what are your oc's best and worst qualities? what do they think are their best and worst qualities?

As an innocent bystander watching it all unfold, me, Lia, as a person, I think Andrea's best and worst qualities, the two major ones I could point out, intertwine in a way I can't believe I imagined that (that's why I say they take a life of their own, really). On one hand, she is insecure. We can easily find out why, her mother was always chastising her to behave differently to hide her Evol, and because she didn't have one, she took it personally. Additionally, well, taking all the blame for what happened to Daniel tells us she feels like a disappointment, which is totally misguided and shows her insecurity. On the other hand, she is unapologetically herself. Despite her flaws. Despite her insecurities. She falters most times, but she is adamant in honoring herself, even if she doesn't fully love herself. She could be more cautious with Victor starting the relationship, but she refused to be afraid. What drives Andrea to fight isn't the fact that she's is strong (and her major flaw would be that she is completely oblivious to that) but that she refuses to live in fear. This, throughout the story, give or take a few aspects, will always be was moves her forward. I could name a lot more, and will, if you want to, but I don't want to turn this into a dissertation, so...

What she sees as her best and worst qualities? She knows she's very smart and resourceful and she knows she's tough (tough is different than strong though) and she is loyal and loving. As her flaws, I think she would simply say she is a mess. She hopes she would have it all figured out like Victor (we know he doesn't, and she kind of does too, but always see her as the worst) yet she feels like her feelings are all over the place, she is a hot head, she does things sometimes without thinking... Those are a few she would name. Oh and she still hasn't the faintest idea why Victor fell in love with her (and I guess that why he constantly reassures her of that, because he knows she looks at herself in a worse light she deserves).

2. does their fashion sense reflect an aspect of their personality? (ie bright and colorful outfits symbolizing that they're an upbeat person)

If Andrea could choose, she would wear jeans and sneakers every day. But she also understands the need to dress for the part, especially when being married to Victor, and even her job demands a certain wardrobe. She does feel the need to reinvent herself sometimes in a hard moment (like when she changed her hair during their break-up) in order to find herself. She is mostly practical, definitely not as stylish as MC. Sometimes she wishes she was, and Victor lends a hand, buying stuff for her (as long as she doesn't know how much it cost).

3. what is their mbti type? ENFP. :)

4. if they had a theme song, what would it be? (i specifically asked this one because i know how much music has influenced you to write this story, so im interested to see which song you pick) Ahhhh, I love this question! The song that totally inspired Andrea is one from the musical Waitress, She Used to Be Mine, written by Sara Bareilles. Now, as she evolves as a person and her life changes, I think her music is changing as well. For the future moments in Andrea's life, I would say her song is Raise It Up, by Florence and the Machine.

5. what would your oc say is the happiest day of their life?

All the days that represented her taking back something Daniel stole from her, her career (getting her doctorate), finding love again (when Andy and Victor got married) but the HAPPIEST, BIGGEST day of her life was when she legally became Owen's mother and finally had the family Daniel tried to make sure she would never have.

I had so much fun answering these, and this was very useful to me as a writer as well, to stir up the juices! Thank you for taking the time to do this, and no worries, I'll never leave Tumblr. I have stories to write that will last me a few years at least. And these interactions inspire me so much and bring such warmth to my heart, it is definitely my turn to thank you for being so awesome! There is much love here for you! Have a great week.

[norestwithoutlove]

Hi, I just finished reading to build a home (quite literally just then) and it was one of the best stories I’ve ever read. everything was so cohesive and beautifully done and has inspired me to do some writing of my own. How did you manage to keep track of minor details and plots throughout the book continuity wise, with such a large word count, thats something most authours cant do and it made it feel so much more personal and immersive. this fic was a wild ride, sorry if this sounds weird btw i dont usually do this.

Hey !! sorry this one took me a while to reply to ! thanks so much for this message it made me beam - i’m glad the fic made you want to use your own voice as well! writing is such a balm especially in times like these, so i hope you’re loving it.

holy shit i’ve just gone over this and this is a LONG answer so i’m very sorry for the essay in advance. regarding continuity and minor details:

from like very early days (essentially day one of writing) i had a very clear vision of where i wanted the fic to go, and what the major plot points were (the night of the fight aged 18 and everything which caused it, even that it would take place on the roof, sam’s overdose happening in the middle of dean’s drunk love confession, the chapter 59 love confession which leads to them FINALLY getting together happening in front of the fire and cas giving dean his poetry book, the dedication saying ‘to dean, i still do, and always will’. all of that was just sitting rotting all other thoughts in my mind and so i had to type it all out at the bottom of the word document to get it down and make sure i didn’t forget. here’s an excerpt of that very early days plan (the scene where dean comes out to sam in the hospital!!! one of my absolute favourites):

other things came later, like the wedding + concussion scene, and the scene where dean waits out in the treehouse all night, which honestly was SO cruel of me and really added to the tragedy of the chapter 38, 40, 42 arc. but yeah as with the above they sat in my brain just waiting for me to reach the appropriate part of the fic to type them up from VERY early days of the fic. opinions on this vary but i don’t like typing out the scenes that i really want to type out if i haven’t actually reached them in the fic’s construction, (does that make sense?  i’ve phrased it badly) because knowing i’m gonna get to write those scenes is what motivates me to actually write the scenes inbetween. i should probably switch this up a bit as everyone advises against this form of writing but also yeah changing routine is effort.

other things plotted in the fic came about in light of the events of the show. mary wasn’t originally gonna be such a distant mother but, as spn pushed that narrative of distance and withdrawal, i thought it would be weird for readers to read a fic which pushed the deified mary mother figure like early seasons spn. especially weird for the readers to read a deified mary fic when the mary they were watching on screen seemed to differ so drastically from the one in the story. so the mary-dean relationship (which was fortunately pretty ambiguous and stilted because of dean’s grief-brain in early chapters) had to change in tbah into the really complicated entity it became. honestly the formulation of that relationship is one of the things i was most proud of in the fic because it was so thorny and hard and felt tragically real for that reason. 

other things the progression of the show impacted: dean’s relationship with jack. obviously he couldnt be a nephilim in the tbah universe(!) so i had to consider another angle which would stilt his relationship with dean in the fic. considering the fact that in the show dean’s aversion to him came from a knot of grief, anger and dean’s own upbringing, i transplanted that idea onto the fic and said okay, but here it’s not about cas, it’s about john. dean untangles much of his own trauma with john through his relationship with jack in the symbols of his father he can find in his life: driving, fishing, and building. but also in the symbols of jimmy: cooking, talking, teaching. dean gets to choose between being a john or a jimmy to his son, but the question isn’t so simple, because people aren’t just symbols, and actually dean ends up being a dean to jack, which is perfect.

weirdly, i also think music helped with continuity. i had a few songs in my head at the beginning of the fic and they became like thematic seeds which could grow and make threads to be picked up throughout. i’d listen to these as i wrote, especially as i wrote the scenes i deemed the most significant. same thing with literature.

also thinking about the fic just became really comforting to me ! so i’d play major plot points in my head like a movie before i went to sleep, which meant by the time i got to writing them they’d had a lot of time to develop and pick up earlier themes of the fic. essentially all of the fic was written in light of the future of the fic, which really helped continuity and direction but also the weird tangled traumatised nature of time in the story. this figuring of time became really important because i think tangled traumatised time is essentially just the reality of grief-time. 

subconsciously i’m sure a lot of stuff bled through which was unintentional, the framing of events which repeat location (dean waiting in the treehouse all night as a teenager to say goodbye to cas before he leaves for university vs dean and cas going to the treehouse as adults and finding teens there who are saying goodbye to each other before leaving for university. confession 3 takes place a literal 10 years after confession 1. confession 1 comes from cas and happens on the roof just before he leaves for the uk, confession 2 comes from dean and happens drunken in the living room after dean has had an intense and ambiguous conversation/fight with his mother, confession 3 happens in the living room after dean has come out to his mother, confession 4 happens on the roof as castiel returns from the uk and repairing every sense of the rift confession 1 caused because this last confession ends in their engagement.)

once i realised this was happening i went back and combed through those scenes for lines to be repeated. an easy example of this is chapter 38//chapter 59. here’s a scene from chapter 38 as they enter the big white house:

and here’s them entering the house in chapter 59: 

i think it’s about trauma and repetition (freud has a theory about this, see Remembering, Repeating, and Working Through) in that we return to sites of trauma; trauma is reiterated in memory and in the material, but in every reiteration, we grow and heal and understand the trauma and ourselves better. it’s like an upward spiral: the first confession goes so badly, the second goes better but not good, the third good, the fourth goes wonderfully (dean’s narrative frames it as paradise: “maybe this is the sound of the trumpets on the other side”). so yeah, part of the ‘continuity’ of tbah is just a traumatised cycle of reiteration, and i say this in the nicest possible way, because these cycles of repetition are how we heal. deep down, i think that’s what the fic is all about.

tl;dr: i had a scrawl of a plan at the bottom of the word document i wrote tbah on, i thought about it a lot because it made me happy, i had a pretty clear vision of where things were going from the very opening chapter, and i was a very gay english lit student.

anyway thanks for the ask lovely i am SO sorry it resulted in the borderline novel of an answer.

[fr3aklike-me]

Oh my, oh my goodness you're stunning! You look like such a sweet darling in satin! Ahhh brain scrampled! I- I need a breather pheeww,,, baby,,, 😳

I'm double majoring in film production and literature so my dissertation is merging both so in short, film adaptions throughout history, particularly on the gendered body! And if you're comfy in sharing what about you, what do you major in, honeypie? (hehee you remind me of that song) Wish you were here to spoil me, drag me to bed when my stubborn self refuses to sleep 🥺 Mhm! The dentist just gave me some cream and medicated mouthwash to heal the wound fast! Oh poor baby, busy time for you as well, will you treat yourself for me? How I wish I could bake you some snackies to tide you over your exam/paper season

I think I just- oh my god I've been wet all day thinking about you squeezing and playing with your lingerie clad tits while you lick your wetness off my face I- Would you kiss me? Taste yourself on my lips? And would you let me play with your tits? Pinch your nipples gently and leave lil love marks until your nipples are hard, a tad swollen and all so sensitive as your moan in pleasure? Think of it as a present for after our play time when you wear a bra and your sensitive nipples throb against the fabric. It's been hours and my panties are still drenched btw, it's like I'm harbouring a naughty secret walking around all wet, the only relief being a cool breeze though that it's reminder is torture in its own way. While doing work, eating dinner, running errands, I just couldn't stop thinking about being filled by such a pretty little star. I haven't done anything, I want to be good for you, would you help me please? Your fingers, your tongue, your strap, I'll take anything to be stuffed brainless - 😈

omg omg thank you so much!! I am so happy you think so 💗 I was a bit nervous to have a picture of me up here - who knows, might change it later - but your praise means so fucking much to me ajdjsjd especially seeing your reaction. this might be mean, considering you wanted a breather, but, I did do some stuff to myself in it.

THE WAY I GASPED. holy fucking shit, that is so, so cool. I don't study film, but I love reading and listening about the analysis of them, with the underlying themes, symbolism and cinematography. it's all so interesting to me - and discussing the analysis of literature can also be so fascinating, learning the different symbols the author used, characterization, etc. your dissertation is literally something I would read in my free time, that sounds indredibly cool. I also love history, so merging film throughout history, and also focusing on gender? seriously, please tell me anything and everything about your studies and dissertation, it is so cool to me. ooh, so I'm undeclared this year to explore my options, but next year, will either go into Humanities or English, I hope! yes omg I would constantly be checking in and making sure you rest up ❤ I hope it heals fast and well! <3 omg, you making me snacks when studying would make me so soft, that is so sweet of you, especially since I sometimes go for hours. and thankfully, I rested a bit this weekend!

of course I would kiss you. did the idea of me flattening my tongue, and stroking it along your cheeks, cleaning you up of the little wet mess I made, get you wet, baby? I would place my mouth on yours, moving languidly, my tongue stroking yours and curling around. I’d grab your hands and with your okay, help guide them to my breasts, so you can cup them around the lace I'm wearing. I would sigh quietly at how good it feels, to have your hands massaging and playing with them. I’d ask you to softly rub my nipples through the fabric, hips jerking clumsily because of how sensitive they are. you can even suck on them through the fabric, getting the satin wet as you suck my nipple through it, leaving a spot. this way, by the time I remove it, needing your mouth directly on me, my nipples are stiff and hard. god, the fact that you're so wet is so hot to me, panties drenched and begging to be removed so you can give yourself some relief. it is our little secret <3 baby, you’ve been so good for me. I’d want to get on my knees, while you lie down, and watch my strap fill you up. I want to watch how the length of it slips in and out, getting coated and wrapped in your juices, and how your hips twitch when it strokes a spot deep in you.

[dreamersleeps]

Helloo! I really liked your last post on Endeavor being Ra and all of your posts about myths. It reminded me of something someone told me once. They said that myths are intriguing since they teach us lessons. The gods act no different than us. They make mistakes and these things are told through stories. One of the things they told me was how underworld myths usually mean to accept the past. Your post makes think that it represents Endeavor accepting the past and then being born again.

Hello hello, I am really happy to know that you really liked the Endeavor and Ra post, including my other ones! Thank you for sending in your comments, they’re very interesting. Before anything else, I’d like to apologize for responding so late. I took some extra time to think about how I wanted to reply to your comments. This post ended up becoming super long as well (mostly because of the images). 

As you state, I love reading through myths and stories because the majority of them contain lessons for us. You are right when you state that the gods act no different than us, and because of that they make mistakes. Although the numbers who worship and take part in some of these polytheistic religions have greatly diminished over the course of history, in the present time we like to explore these stories and continue to be influenced by them. It is because of their human mistakes that sometimes we even relate to these gods and goddesses. These stories capture our imagination and I’m sure plenty of us have once had daydreams of being a demigod or another mythical figure/creature. 

I do think that the High End vs Endeavor fight was a pivotal moment where Endeavor confronts himself, begins to face the past, and is thus “born again.” The depiction of Hawks and Endeavor’s quirks combined together, of flaming wings had a phoenix like imagery to it. 

Although Endeavor is “born again” it of course does not mean that he is free from all the horrible things he did to his family. It does not mean a new, fresh start. I think that him being “born again” here represents symbolically that he has made an internal change of mind, accepting a different perspective (although to what extent is up for debate). Phoenixes do not d/ie and resurrect once. Similar to how the sun rises and sets everyday, the phoenix lives a cyclical life of d/eath and rebirth. 

I did not know that underworld myths can be tied with accepting the past. If that is true than it definitely does relate back to some of the things I was talking about in my Ra post. So yes, the High End vs Endeavor fight was a very important moment for Endeavor. In a sense, he is “born again” but not with the fresh start it suggests. If he has begun to accept the past what does this mean and how might the next step look like? 

As readers, we all bring very different past experiences and beliefs to the table, and that’s the thing about life. We all think differently. The majority of people have valid reasons as to why they think they do, however I am very much against all the attacking, insulting and discourse that have emerged over Endeavor’s character. 

Personally, on the topic of redemption: I believe that Endeavor will most likely not be redeemed. This is something that he too also believes. However at the same time while we may have opinions, the question of redemption is not for us to really answer. We are mere observers. 

I’ve wanted to do a close read of a certain group of chapters during the Internship Arc for a while. Of course if you don’t agree with what I have to say here or are not interested, than that’s fine. This “analysis” is not written in defense of Endeavor but to take a closer look at how Horikoshi’s been developing and writing him. If anything, please take any excitement you may detect in my writing as my love for “analyzing” and sharing my thoughts.

Chapters 249 through 252 are important chapters after the High End vs Endeavor fight that delve further in to his thoughts and his family’s thoughts as well. You can do a close reading of many of the pages in these chapters but I will only focus on some of Endeavor’s own inner thoughts. 

Unfortunately, since I can not read the raw Japanese text, I’m building everything on top of the “official” English translations so please keep that in mind. If the nuances in the translations are off or lost in translation, then my interpretations may be “wrong.” (Btw, I’m only like 95% sure that the panels I’m using below are all from the official English translation). 

Let’s begin. The two panels below are from Chapter 249 titled “The Hellish Todoroki Family.”

“I’m trying to make amends... going forward.” The “going forward’ definitely suggests that there was some sort of turning point either during the High End fight or shortly after. The definition of amends in the dictionary is:

reparation for compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind

“It might be too late... but I fall asleep every night thinking about... what I can do for my family.” Endeavor expresses that he falls asleep every night thinking about what he can do for his family. We can only take him for his word but keep in mind that these are his inner thoughts. He isn’t talking to anyone but to himself. I acknowledges that it may be too late for him to do anything, all the damage he’s caused. Despite realizing that there’s a good chance that there’s nothing he can do to amend anything, he still thinks about it.

“Lately, it’s been the same dream. The wife and kids, looking happy... at the dinner table. But I’m... never there with them.” Here he states that he’s been dreaming the same dream. This means that it’s been heavy on his mind. In his dream, his family is happy and he is not there with them. Perhaps he believes that their happiness can only become a reality if he is taken out of the picture. 

Now let’s jump to Chapter 252, titled “The Unforgiven.” These panels occur after Natsuo is kidnapped by Ending, and he is rescued by the teamwork of Bakugo, Midoriya and Shouto after Endeavor hesitates and fails to do so. 

Endeavor had his flames on while they’re after Ending but he gets rid of them right before or when he catches Natsuo and Bakugo. So Endeavor usually has his flames on and that’s how we saw him depicted until around the High End fight and onwards, where we see him more without his flames. 

(This has nothing to do with the analysis but this has to be one of my favorite interactions between Endeavor and Bakugo. He does not hesitate to make comments and remarks... hahaha, gets me every time.) 

“Natsuo. Believe it or not... I was never trying to neglect any of you.” Well first of all, Endeavor saying that he was never trying to neglect any of his children is a big slap in the face and to be honest I’m appalled that he states that. Ultimately, it may be absolutely one hundred percent true that he means what he states, however whatever his thoughts may have been, Endeavor neglected them. Period.

Let’s look at Endeavor’s body language. His eyes are cast towards the ground as he can not meet Natsuo’s eyes when he gives his “confession” and it looks like his upper body is bowing towards Natsuo. 

Just in general based on what I’ve read and from my own experiences, bowing is practiced for the purposes of respect, courtesy or apology. Typically it is the younger person who bows to the older person or someone from a “lower” position bowing to someone from a “higher” position. Part of Natsuo’s expression of surprise in the left most panel probably has to do with both the words that are coming out of his father’s mouth and the fact that Endeavor is bowing his head down towards him. 

“But... all I could do was blame others and dodge responsibility. WIth Toya too... I might as well have killed him myself!” Here he admits that for a while he’d place the blame on others and dodge responsibility, including with what happaned to Touya. He admits that he may as well have killed Touya himself. Personally when I first was reading this, it was actually very interesting to see Endeavor confess these things. Isn’t it kind of surprising to see that he’s admitting to all this instead of continuing to be a character who ignores and refuses to recognize faults and consequences of his actions? Or is it just me. 

Natsuo responds with “Didn’t neglect us...? So what...? Toya has always told me everything. It’ll be a cold day in hell... before I forgive you. Cuz I’m not as caring as Shouto.” Natsuo states that “it’ll be a cold day in hell” before he forgives Endeavor. A “cold day in hell” is an idiom meaning: the time of occurrence of an event that will never happen. It looks like he’s kind of smiling probably at how absurd his father’s confession sounds and his eyes are tearing up, a reaction to his sudden confession. He brings up Touya and the estranged state that their family had been living since for possibly as long as he could remember. 

“Even so... Even so... you keep showing up for Fuyumi right? And for your mom’s sake?” Here Endeavor’s addressing Natsuo’s statement claiming that he’s “not as caring as Shouto.” Forgiveness is one of those things we are told that we need to do at some point and if we don’t, that it says something about our character. The one who forgives is the one who has had wrong done to and it takes a lot for someone to give forgiveness after all that has been done. So here, Natsuo says that he can not forgive Endeavor because he is not as caring as Shouto but I feel like there’s also a part of Natsuo that feels like he could be a bad person if he can not forgive. 

Endeavor’s response is to tell him that despite what Natsuo thinks of himself, the fact that Natsuo continues to show up and try to do things that he doesn’t want to do because he cares about Fuyumi and his mother speaks otherwise. Notice the faded background in this panel as well. Btw, here we can see that Endeavor is indeed kneeling in front of Natsuo. They both are sitting on the ground, together, close to eye level but not quite. 

“Your sister loves the idea of being a big happy family... because... that’s exactly what I ruined. She wants that back... she’s so eager to fix everything. And that’s why YOU’RE trying at all. Because you care about how she feels right...?” Each of the Todorokis have different feelings and perspectives about Endeavor. For example, Fuyumi wants to be a “big happy family” which Endeavor acknowledges and claims responsibility for ruining. Even though Natsuo may not want what Fuyumi hopes for, he still comes to visit home despite if Endeavor is there because he cares about his sister. 

“Because you ARE caring. So...” Endeavor states that Natsuo is a caring person. He’s been watching what Natsuo will do for Fuyumi and his mother because of how much he cares about them. Another thing that stands out to me in the English translation is that Endeavor says, “Because you are caring” not just “You are caring.”

Shout out to the guy in the car (o_o)

“You’re getting yourself to be able to forgive him. Because you’re so caring.” In response to Endeavor’s counter that, no Natsuo IS caring, Natsuo responds to this by thinking back to Midoriya’s earlier conversation with Shouto when they were cleaning up the dishes after dinner. Midoriya is someone who does not know about the Todoroki family situation as much as we may but he knows Shouto: his classmate and friend. However, we see that Natsuo overheard those words and I think it made him feel like he wasn’t a good person because he feels like he does not want to or can forgive.

We get a closer angle and view of Natsuo and Endeavor sitting on the ground. Again, the fact that Endeavor is kneeling may be why the guy in the car has the expression they have. So I kind of went looking around to see what the way Endeavor is sitting is called and I think the closest would be the seiza pose. 

Seiza, is the formal way of sitting down based on ancient Japanese standards. In Japanese, Seiza is very aptly translates to “sitting with a correct posture.” In a historical context, the correct posture is defined to have neatly-folded legs and an erect spine. One’s feet must be neatly tucked in place, underneath the body. 

The Japanese consider Seiza with only the highest of regards, as it represents two important values in Japanese culture: courtesy and apology. They believe that Seiza is an essential tool to channel those specific values. 

Another important representation that Seiza upholds in Japanese culture is that it serves as a symbol of apology. Someone who wishes to ask for an apology may place his or her hands in front, with the head lowered down. This form of apology is referred to as “dogeza.” This serves as a position of submission, having one accept his or her mistakes (yabai). 

The picture below is depicting someone in the seiza pose, apologizing. 

This ties in to how Endeavor and the Todorokis live more “traditionally” compared to other characters. We’ve seen the traditional Todoroki house and Shouto’s dorm room at UA as well. Earlier, we saw Endeavor with his head bowed towards Natsuo and here he is no longer bowing but he is still in the seiza pose: a symbol of courtesy and apology. It’s a physical sign of sincerity and humility. 

This is how Endeavor is apologizing, even if it is not as direct as some of us would like it to be. And Endeavor tells Natsuo: 

“You don’t have to forgive me.” Endeavor tells Natsuo that he has no obligation to forgive him, even when he is his father. What a way to say it though. “Because you ARE caring. So, you don’t have to forgive me.” It was kind of confusing for me when I first read this chapter. Currently, the only way I can read this is that (1) Endeavor realizes to a certain extent of the hurt and pain that he caused his family and (2) it is because of what Natsuo experienced as a Todoroki and what happened to his brothers, sister and mother that he can not bring himself to forgive his father. He hurts for his family because he cares about them. “You don’t have to forgive me.” 

We get three panels with Shouto, Bakugo and Midoriya listening in on to this conversation. Notice the white, empty backgrounds in all four panels. Usually this is done to highlight a moment that has gravity and weight. This is them processing what has just been said. The bustling city highway and life fades away and we are left with this moment where time feels like its paused. 

Then Endeavor speaks again: “I’m not looking for forgiveness. Just atonement.” We see Endeavor’s left eye, the side of the face that has been scarred after the High End fight. His right eye, the part of his face that has remained unchanged is hidden behind the speech bubble with the words, “Just atonement.” 

Seeing as how Horikoshi likes to intentionally place speech bubbles to hint at something from time to time, I’m wondering what this particular placement might mean. I will touch on this later again, but Endeavor has a habit of hiding and standing off to the side when it comes to his family and past. Additionally, this is the first time we’re looking at Endeavor’s face from the front and not from the side during this conversation with Natsuo (excluding the panel from the first page from this chapter when he’s holding Natuso and Bakugo before the conversation begins). 

What is atonement? According to the first definition that comes up on Google: 

reparation for a wrong or injury

In general religious contexts, it is: 

reparation or expiation for sin 

In Christian theology, it is: 

the reconciliation of God and humankind through Jesus Christ

So in religious contexts: to receive forgiveness there must be a sacrifice which “atones” for the sin (tastethehoney).

Basically, what I’m trying to point out with the latter two definitions is that this word is often used in religious contexts. I’m assuming that Endeavor is the one referred to as the “The Unforgiven” in the title of this chapter and I think that it’s very interesting that Endeavor’s fire quirk is called “hellflame,” which I’m pretty sure that I can safely say is in reference to the Judeo-Christian/Western concept of hell. 

(Forgive my choice of using a simplified statement here but for the purposes of getting a point across...) They say that those who are not forgiven burn in hell.

“Wow. You got a real way with words... all of a sudden! I know how happy it makes sis, having us all together! But... when I see your face... Those memories come rushing back.” Natsuo’s reply comes from Endeavor’s sudden display of apologizing. And as Natsuo correctly points out, they’re still just words. Words do not mean anything unless actions come with them. He mentions how hard it is for him because the “memories come rushing back.” Even though the life they live now is different from the past, the past keeps coming back. 

“Why do I gotta be the one to come around? Atonement? How’re YOU gonna make that happen?” Again, when someone apologizes or is looking for forgiveness, the person who was wronged or hurt has to come to a certain place to forgive. As we’ve already established, Endeavor is not looking to be forgiven. So this could be Natsuo’s reply to Endeavor’s claims that he wants to change and be better, because it still kind of requires the other party to “come around” as well. Here Natsuo also asks about atonement. Endeavor can not turn back time and do things differently, what’s done has been done. So, how can Endeavor atone, and what will it look like? 

Let’s skip a couple pages to when Endeavor and Natsuo arrive home. 

“I’ve let you shoulder all of that. . . and I stood by while you worked hard. But it’s okay now.” This is referring to how Fuyumi has been planning on welcoming her mother back home. Endeavor states that he’s been standing off to the side, perhaps there is a note of apology as he talks about how Fuyumi’s been working hard by herself. Then he states, that “it’s all okay now.” 

“It’s always the same dream. My whole family’s there, but not me.” So, Endeavor’s thinking back to his dreams of his family’s happiness. He believes that they can only be happy if he’s not there. 

“Because I’m building a new house for you all. One that makes sense for your commutes. And one where you can give your mother a warm welcome back.” He states that he’s building them a new house. One where they can welcome their mother back. This is Endeavor’s idea of what “atonement” might begin to look like 

“If I really care how they feel...” He wants to respect their feelings, and not do something because HE wants to. 

“I’ll remain here.” It seems that Endeavor believes that one way he can “atone” for his family is to remove himself physically from their lives. 

Through this post, am I claiming that Endeavor will be redeemed? No. However, let’s look at what redemption means. According to the first two definitions that comes up on Google, it is: 

the action of saving or being saved from sin, error or evil

or

the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment or clearing a debt. 

There really is not a way Endeavor can “pay the debt” for all the hurt and pain he’s caused. 

So that was a lot but I’m going to point out some things here. Yes, Endeavor is in a position where he is acknowledging the past, and he seems to have begun taking more responsibility for it. He states that he is not looking for forgiveness and is only looking for atonement. However, similar to how he neglected his family because he was running away from the blame and did not want to accept the responsibility due to his actions, he is still in a way running away from it. His idea of “atoning” includes removing himself physically from his family’s lives, partially because he wants to be considerate of his family’s feelings and partially because he believes that they can only be happy if he’s not there. He could be right, but I disagree. 

As many others have stated before, it seems that part of the answer to atonement lies with Todoroki Touya. As I suggest in the Ra post, there were two outcomes of the High End vs Endeavor fight: 1) Endeavor, the public hero establishing himself as the Number One Hero and 2) Todoroki Enji as a father beginning to accept the past and its responsibilities (again, although to what extent is debatable). 

The fight concludes with Endeavor’s first official meeting with his son, Touya as Dabi. To accept and address the past and its responsibilities, Endeavor’s been taking a passive approach to “atone” partly because he’s kind of treating the past as only the past. 

In Chapter 290, titled “Dabi’s Dance,” where we get the Touya reveal, Dabi finally is able to call Endeavor out: "You were finally number one! It’s all you ever wanted! But it must’ve weighted on you, right?! Or was all the praise and admiration like chicken soup for your soul?! When at long last, you could stare your kids in the eye... didja finally start to feel the warm and fuzzy bonds of family?! You must’ve thought, ‘As long as I face the future, I can be better!’ I can tell you’re at a loss for words, so here’s the answer!” 

Being Touya, Dabi’s existence brings the past right back to the present. Endeavor can not keep responding in a passive way, dodging the past even if it weighs heavy on his mind and heart. 

I suppose this is where the real test of atonement begins. 

[lovenona]

LONG ask ahead, sorry T^T

*arrives in a hurry after 2-3 days* *slow, appreciative clap at the ted talk* sweetie, have you got any idea how much i adore hearing you ramble about the creation process??? seeing the whole love and dedication you hold for the odyssey makes my day! (and nooo, i'm totally not reading it again bc i want to have all of it in mind for tomorrow and bc it inspires me to no end hahaha what do you mean :) )

here comes yet another question: what kind of powers do you possess to write so beautifully. your writing literally punches me in the gut every single time, even the simplest of things!! it's hauntingly beautiful and i'm living for it!

(and another one) how did you find out how the odyssey was going to end?

also, it's rambling time because i've been thinking. (i do that sometimes.) each chapter title is a reference to a greek myth, and, in particular, odysseus' myth (no clue if i've written his name right, i've always knew him as "ulysse" in my mother tongue ^^;). and so my brain went: oooh nice, greek lore ^^ and then: yo wait. hold up. which brings me here: analysing the chapter titles. (bear with me please, and feel free to ignore my enthusiastic rambling/correct me if i'm wrong which i probs will)

so first, we have the prelude. david and calypso. while i'm sure david has his importance it's almost 1 am as i'm typing this so i'm going to focus on calypso. poor nymph is stuck in an island because of the will of gods for a reason i've forgotten. but here's the catch: while she cannot leave, others can come to her (good ol' odysseus for instance) until they leave her all alone again. and the cycle unfolds again and again. which brings us to a nice parallel with reader's situation at the beginnig. she, after all, is stuck on an island with no way out but stories. comes the dilf supreme toji aka an odysseus of sorts, until he leaves her. so she's alone again. calypso there illustrates a passive state of sorts. she cannot leave, or so she thinks: while she wants to, we don't see her try per se until sukuna comes in.

ah yes. sukuna’s arrival. chapter title: neptune’s hands. Neptune, god of the seas, all powerful, also known as Poseidon absolutely terrifying if provoked — which is something Odysseus did! well, man is smart enough not to do it to his face. but he did stab a cyclope, which happened to be neptune’s son. son who swore to a haughty Odysseus that he’d pay for it. in consequence: instead of going back to Ithaca without that much of trouble, Neptune goes: nope mate, and promptly sabotage his return (with a storm who leads his ship astray if my memory is correct). Neptune serves as a catalyst in here, to properly start the action. and it so happens to be sukuna’s role! he is, as well, the one who starts reader’s journey — well, odyssey in this case ;) — by making her this offer. plus, if we consider reader as being calypso, a nymph, and sukuna as being Neptune, a god, it shows their difference in power. sukuna is a fearsome curse, captain whose name is enough to strike fear in the cruellest pirate, who can and will kill reader should he get bored of her. reader is but a printer’s apprentice, so weak compared to him it hurts.

ah, yes. the narcissus pool aka siren gojo, aka me simping so hard for this man I might squirt with the mere mention of him. yes, siren gojo is that powerful, feel free to lure me in with them baby blues sweetie *blows him a kiss* hem. anyway. long story short, an oracle said: if narcissus sees his reflection, he’ll die. people prevent him from seeing himself. ofc man is so handsome it hurts and has women and men alike running after him, including a nymph named echo. he rejects her. hera is somehow involved in the mess and makes it so that he stumbles upon a river and sees himself. entranced by his beauty, he desperately tries to reach himself and stays near the river until he dies. this one is a bit trickier (especially considering I’m writing this as I go with no coherent preparation whatsoever but damn if I’m not having fun). but. *proceeds to read it again* *sighs in ‘why the hell ain’t siren!gojo real pls sir take me’* anyway. it’s never mentioned in narcissus’ myth, but I’m pretty sure he was tempted to look at himself. at least once, considering he could wonder why on earth all those people kept falling for his looks. (or he could be pretty dumb. let’s say he isn’t) so he’s tempted by his own reflection. just like reader’s tempted to follow segsy siren gojo. he doesn’t up until hera is involved and ends up seeing his reflection. he falls. not literally, but in love — with his own self. here it’s different (and the reason why i’m strugglingTM to gather coherent thoughts). gojo is the very embodiment of this temptation — so he acts as narcissus’ reflection here. he’s the one seducing reader, the one luring her until she falls in the waters, just like narcissus did. she didn’t die though, unlike him. (thank you sukuna. I guess. yes I would’ve given my life for gojo to consume me in both ways and??) now, this is very simp-tainted (sorry bout that ^^;) and the thing I’ve noticed is this: narcissus isn’t a character in the og odyssey. could it be bc to my absolute despair, gojo’s not as much of an important character as sukuna and toji? only you know!

(the hades, psyche analysis comes in tomorrow *looks @ time* *sees it's 1 AM* well, later on! have a lovely night/day!)

- the LRE (who's very happy tumblr allowed her to do paragraph breaks/to have a pirate history book recommandation! thanks about that one btw, it'll come in handy for a ff of mine (yeah it involves pirate gojo))

wait this is so precious n thoughtful oh my gosh 😭 thoughts n vibes under the cut :’) 

first of all THANK U!!!??? ur making me blush out here omg my hEART 😭 

as for ur first question, ur SO SWEET n IM LOSING IT bye i genuinely don’t know i just scream and throw a bunch of commas and metaphors everywhere and somehow things happen 💀 i read a lot (english major vibes) and it’s very helpful because i tend to imitate writers/phrases/books that inspire me while i'm figuring out how i want to write !! 

secondly: how did i figure out the ending of the odyssey??

answer: i think i just stumbled across this one 😭 i was brainstorming w my bestie (@/suedebunn) n she originally suggested a different version of the ending that i was like “oh wait” and then i played with it for awhile until i arrived at the version i have now ! i want to tell u more about how i arrived from point A to point B and what the process was but i will withhold because i am not giving anything away >:)

onto ur TITLE ANALYSIS!! this is SPECTACULAR! ur pretty much on the nose for all of them god damn i don’t have much to add :’) i’ll give u some of my takes tho!!

david and calypso – ur absolutely on the nose for the calypso aspect; david’s just a passing nod to the pirates of the caribbean portrayal of davy jones and the doomed relationship between him and calypso (mirroring the doomed relationship between toji and reader since he leaves them) 

neptune’s hands – yes! yeah! sexy! pirate sukuna is being compared to a sea god!! also a minor teaser but sukuna’s hands are important symbolically ;-) 

narcissus pool – ur brain is so big here god damn 🤲 narcissus is more of a loose reference to the idea of pride/ temptation and also hollowness/mirages (the emptiness of a reflection versus the tangibility of the real thing) so it’s not immediately a reference to the odyssey itself or even the myth (i'm taking creative liberties bye homer) but probably the best entity to use when describing gojo – the dichotomy between pride/emptiness is a lot more apparent in part 5 

gosh thank u sm for this!! excited to see what u have next!!!!!!

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[sociallyawkward--fics]

Okay so apparently yes, asks no longer have a character limit. Also???? I can??? Send asks???? From my side blogs???? (I mean I won't but still) I'm??????? A good update from tunglr.hellsite????? (It's also maybe letting me do paragraphs buy we'll see)

And also you're so valid for not having the energy to deal with dsmp. I barely have the energy to deal with it. Which is why I only watch techno, and *very* occasionally philza minecraft. The storyline was based off of Hamilton for a bit second, (because it's like, loosely scripted) and now it's based off Greek mythology, because Mr. English Major Technoblade is now in charge of writing. There's lots of symbolism and it's sick.

There's so much cool fanart. There's one person who draws technoblade (there are many) and their design for him is my entire aesthetic.

Anyway. I have realized that the lack of a character limit has caused me to be able to ramble significantly more, so I'll cut myself off for now.

You're pog :) ~S

You genuinely have no idea how much I vibe with the (he?) (Genderfluid?) Thing. Like??? Nothing could be more of a mood my guy. My sibling looked at gender and went no thank you, while I looked at gender and went I will take all of those actually. Like sometimes you just wanna look masc, and sometimes you wanna look feminine. Like hi I am also Bad At Gender. You're doing great btw

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜~S

------------------------------

Not me forgetting I have asks yet again omg

I can’t believe tumblr did something decent so we can have longer conversations without y’all hitting ask limit lol. Though, I’m sure plenty of people are using this to troll lol. You think you could fit the full bee movie script into one of these asks? .... Don’t answer that I don’t want the bee movie script lol

Yeah man the dsmp just has a lot going on lol. Didn’t they have some Animal Crossing something or other going on? Tom Nook was trending and I follow the Animal Crossing topic and I was like “!!! My favorite tanuki what has he done to garner love” and it was just the dsmp I was so disappointed, Tom Nook deserves our love lol. But yeah, until recently I didn’t realize it was like, a lot of characters and RP, i thought it was just minecraft folks playing minecraft lol. I hope you are having fun with your minecraft folks, I do not have the attention span lol.

Look my guy, what even IS gender?? What even ARE pronouns?? But like, the “he” pronoun is complicated. Sometimes I am like “yes absolutely” and other times I’m like “don’t you dare” and I think that’s closer to genderfluid, but I do still prefer the nonbinary label.

But you are also doing great, ily!  ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 YOU are pog

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Barnes and Nobles Bookstore Report 2020 on Diversity

For those who are new to this... What I do every year since I was 13 was go to the bookstore, usually in summer and take an overview look at what is being shelved and sold. This, of course, changed with the internet. It’s a way for me (and maybe you) to get a sense of what the industry is and isn’t doing, particularly with diversity. I also check local bookstores (But my local one is closed due to covid this year). I usually note what has an hasn’t changed. It’s something that authors should be doing anyway. I don’t do it more often because it’s usually depressing. And I don’t do it near holiday seasons, since that can skew the book selection unfairly. So I usually pick a non holiday-heavy month and one that will not skew my numbers (like say, February, which is Black History Month) I pay attention to the following: - Where the books are shelved. - How many times a book is shelved (in different areas) - Who gets the most real estate and a rough guess as to why. (Usually because they are white cis and male.... no lie) - Which diversity gets the most real estate - What are the labels on the shelves and if those are separate or different from previous years. - I generally skip the children’s section since there is a yearly report for that. - Demographics of the area visually apparent v. numbers of the area itself. Who are they supposed to sell to (and usually failing to sell to) Blame the Anthropology... I’m well-trained to look for such things. - All Bookends and displays. - I usually look at all sections of the bookstore and take notes, in order. - If I have access to internet, then I also look up the authors, if I can to find out their diversity and spread. - I also take lots of pictures.

These are my notes for this year.

Demographics of the area outside of the bookstore: About 50/50 with the majority being Latinx (Black and Latinx mainly) Mostly women. (It was early, though--maybe white) Last demographics of area 2010, granted 36,226 (71.1%) White, 2,573 (1.3%) Black, 531 (0.3%) Native American, 31,434 (16.4%) Asian (6.9% Filipino, 5.4% Korean, 1.3% Chinese), 122 (0.1%) Pacific Islander, 12,146 (6.3%) from other races, and 8,687 (4.5%)  (Latinx is around 17%)

The first two bookcases at the front of the store, were mostly white cis male authors. In the new author case, this was true, as well, and mostly had well-knowns.

Considering the Latinx population, I’m always kinda feeling like why aren’t there more Latinx books on the shelves?

White and black authors. But the black authors are only there because of Black Lives Matter, which feels like it’s catering to the white people who want to know what this is about, rather than the demographics of the bookstore itself. The Magazine section, Vogue, in particular did have PoCs on it.

- The Art History Section is and always is really white. I could count the PoCs on the shelf of 6 tall shelves on one hand. All of the How to draw Manga books are by white people. I know this because I’ve looked up the authors in the past. And it’s not that Japanese don’t publish books in English with instructions, BTW... so I always find that a bit strange, especially since the author they choose doesn’t really have a manga style 100% but mixes in American Comic books. (But that’s a separate thing.) They mostly had known PoC artists, acceptable to white people. - The Cookbooks don’t cover Africa. They had one African American cookbook which interested me. (Labeled Soul food and had a Black author), but the books mostly were for “French” in the international section. A few Korean (2-3) and I didn’t spot many other regionalities. I looked for Indian, for example.

- There were SFF books front of the store, which surprised me. Might be because there were PoC authors and the majority were PoC. (Also Black Lives Matter skewing) - All of the seating was removed (probably because of covid) I usually use it to sort through books I want...

- No Surprise, the same location for featured “classics” as last year and all but one were written by white men. The token book? Arabian Nights. I’m not sure that really counts since it was compiled by a white guy. (Believe me, I had thought like where is Jorge Borges? Marquez? etc) Most of the authors were white cis and het too... - The recommended section... by looking, mostly white cis het men. - Danielle Steele was shelved in General Fiction section. Actually several genres were shelved together there. Some Science Fiction, Some Fantasy, Some Romance, Some Historical Fiction, etc. There was no special section for Historical Fiction. (Not popular? Used to be back in the day...) There’s no LGBTQIA, women’s or African American section, even in the non-fiction. I have mixed feelings about taking it out of the non-fiction section. I like it combined in the Fiction section. They also took out all of the sub labeling except for major transitions. (Labeling individual shelves as containing something) - Diminished Latinx books in the Classics (Shelf) section. This has not changed... and it still ticks me off how white and cis het (also leans towards male) it is. - Increased black authors overall. Octavia Butler was Shelved twice, for example. Toni Morrison got a bookshelf all to herself (probably because of her recent passing). Nnedi Okorafor actually showed up on the shelf. Rena Barron was triple shelved--once at the front of the store and in two sections of the bookstore... So apparently B&N have a lot of faith in her book. - Overall, improved balance between men and women (except in the classics and recommended sections. I feel stabby about that.)

- The covers were a lot less offensive overall. (Though I had a few head scratchers on why that cover for that book, but that’s getting into graphic design quibbles) The PoC books actually had PoCs on the cover. And some of the covers were redone to have PoCs on the cover. There were no sexualized women on the out turned books. The Mystery/Thriller books, for example, has a trend of being symbolic and drawn. Kinda felt like I was staring at the old Chick Lit.

- There were less books shelved overall, because of the shelving practices of out turning the books so people could see the covers. (Even less than last year)

- The Romance Section ticked me off since I could count the amount of PoCs on the cover with one hand. But the covers have improved a bit. Jim Hines won the cover war... There was ONE LGBT book and ONE interracial book. It’s like PoCs don’t fall in love at all. What gives?

- Science Fiction and Fantasy were separated again. The amount of shelves for YA and SFF were about equal. (Which drastically changed from last year). This meant that the genre fiction was mostly equally shelved. (Mystery/Thriller might have gotten a smidgen less). The Science Fiction section was astoundingly male cis het. I even looked for authors I knew who were queer/poc, etc and couldn’t find them. Anne McCaffrey was gone completely, BTW. Oh and JK Rowling didn’t make it to the main shelves (She was in the audiobook section). lol Someone was mad. So win one, lose the rest.

- All of the “recommended race” books were written by People of color and well known. Win~ But all on black-white relations except one. (A book on my wishlist, but I pre-promised myself to not buy anything... so it was difficult to leave that one behind...) - The people with the most shelving were Shakespeare (Got his own section), Stephen King, and I forgot the third author, but he’s male cis and het too... Yeah... I know. And yes, there are authors more prolific than these authors too in history who are also PoC. - All of the books were from known and popular authors rather than unknown authors, mainly. Not like that rare find where you’re browsing and you go, “OMG, never heard of this person before.” So for me, who likes to browse and find that rare find it’s not as fun. I’ve found books pre-internet that were like that in Barnes and Nobles no less.

Overall: Improved, but I have this irking feeling the increase in black books is specifically to the Black Lives Matter movement. They care more about publicity than the cause, otherwise, other PoC groups wold have gotten better rep. Also kinda sad at the lack of LGBT. The widest diversity in the store is still YA. And as every year, I’m super sad about the lack of rep for Latinx. Seriously, didn’t you give it a thought that you might be in an area that’s not white? (I know the “But you could complain” thing... but it never worked in the past either and I have written to corporate, just so you know.) I pretty much left with this feeling of elation that it was improved, but this feeling of sickness that they were still, STILL catering to white people. (Cis het, etc). Yeah, depressing enough to want to marathon several PoC shows to undo the implicit bias type of feeling. And this area, as shown isn’t lacking in PoCs. Also, kinda have to state, I wish it was more like a treasure hunt... sometimes that’s the best part of going to a bookstore. Disappointed about the lack of a non-fiction LGBTQIA... kinda had a wish the Julie Sondra Decker might show up in that section. My ace little heart. I took 108 pictures as photo proof of my assertions (Again, Anthro training). BTW, Rena Barron should thank her publicist for convincing for the triple shelving...

[rhysand-vs-fenrys]

Because I’m very bored, ALL DA SYMBOLS

LMAO!

You must be bored!

Putting it under a cut, since there are a lot of pictures

📱 Show your phone lock screen and/or home screen

I’m not someone who puts home/lock screens, I just change my phone’s theme when I get bored (and thank you for asking this because in wiping out personal info I realized my phone was still on silent XD)

💕 Your two top fave fictional characters

I’m sorry, I’m picking characters from my Original. It’s cheating, but they’re where my heart is right now–

Nereene

Colm/Vivienne (it’s a tie)

🕹 Video game you are currently playing

World of Warcraft- and before you make fun of me, you can play free up to level 20 so see if YOU don’t get hooked too. I am getting my 5th character to level 120, I have another 6-7 who are at least L90…

There are literally only 2 games I don’t suck at: World of Warcraft and The Sims 3. 

🌡 Fave season

Either fall or winter. I like being cold and watching snow or the leaves change…

🏫 Are you in school, what grade

I’m in 21st grade (haahahahahaha).

🎒 Are you in college, major area of study

I have a B.A. in Telecommunications (Video Design and Production track) and a minor in Classical Civilizations: Literature and Culture (Roman track)

🏢 Your job (You don’t have to be specific) or dream job if you don’t work

Job: I work as a freelance media specialist for the local PBS station. I’m a camerawoman, audio director, lighting director, grip, and script supervisor as needed (plus like 10 other things).

Dream Job: A writer in some way- movies, TV shows, or my own novels (but not movies or TV shows based on my novels because I’m not objective enough to cut stuff down to movie/tv formatting).

📷 Post the 12th photo from your phone’s gallery

Oh great, now you know what we’re having for Thanksgiving (if you can read my nightmare handwriting)…

📅 Your birthday

Winter sometime

🎂 How old are you

27

📏 How tall are you

5′6.5″ (169 cm)

🔑 Key to your heart

Being loved ^_^

📖 Fave book

A Court of Mist and Fury

📝 Fave quote

“It is easy to descend into Hell, all day and all night the dark doors of Hades stand open. But to retrace your path, to emerge once again in the sweet air of heaven- this is your task, and therein lies your burden.”— Virgil’s ‘The Aeneid’ (Poetic translation)

Basically the greatest quote for redemption or even just to get through life.

🌐 Languages you can speak and/or are learning. Which are you fluent in

I am not fluent in any language (or at least today it doesn’t feel like it), but I can sometimes speak English.

For real though, I’m pretty good at Korean (studied it in Uni and lived in Wonju for a year), and I can surprisingly not totally fuck myself over with Chinese (1 semester in college and a couple years watching Chinese dramas, so don’t expect much).

💻 Desktop/Laptop/iPad/other

Desktop yes, Chromebook (a tablet that thinks it’s a laptop really), and a Samsung tablet.

📔 Do you keep a traditional diary

Sort of? I mainly write in it when I can’t sleep because something is chewing at my mind, which means it’s full of really dark shit.

☠ Something that angers you

The political landscape of the US right now and how homophobic, misogynistic, racist, and elitist it is (also people who drive 5 miles under the speed limit in the passing lane).

🐷 Junk food you can never get enough of

Cooler ranch doritos

🌼 Fave flower

I love the look of a rose but the smell of carnation.

📺 Fave anime

“The Twelve Kingdoms” (Because I love the book and it’s surprisingly almost identical to the novel, which is surprising because when I say novel I mean novel- it isn’t a comic book).

🎥 Fave film

Either “My Cousin Vinny” or “The Secret of Roan Inish”

📻 Fave song currently

I was digging “Natural” by Imagine Dragons the whole drive home from work today.

🎙 Can you sing

I can make sounds come out of my mouth, but I’m sure people would disagree as to if it counted as singing…

🎁 Best gift you ever received and why

I’m calling it a “gift”– the settlement from a lawsuit against my pediatrician. He (more likely his wife/head nurse) was watering down vaccinations, so the settlement was $XXX for how many you had re-done. I ended up getting 3, my brother only had 1.

I say it is the best because the $1,500 I got (at 14) ended up buying me my very first laptop, and it wholly unleashed me as a writer. I had somewhere that was MINE to work on stuff without my family being able to access it (my family, btw, doesn’t know I write). I typed up first drafts of about 5 originals within 1 year. 

The most liberating thing in my entire life was that first laptop, and now I’m unstoppable.

👾 Do you believe in aliens

Of course.

Do I believe they stick probes up hillbilly assholes and draw in corn? No. I’d be stunned if there was any previous interaction, they’re probably as ignorant of us as we are of them.

To quote the movie Contact (or paraphrase because I’m not looking up the quote), if we were alone in the Universe, “It would be an awful big waste of space.”

👻 Do you believe in ghosts

Sometimes? IDK, I like a good ghost story, but I’ve never seen someone describe an encounter and been like “THAT SOUNDS SO LEGIT!”

⛪ What is your religion

I like the idea of religion, but I figure no one is actually going to get it right. Every religion in the history of existence has always sworn they’re the only real one and everyone else is going to hell. In 5,000+ years every religion now will be looked at like how we look at ancient Greek or Roman gods.

I just try to live well so I can face my own conscience and generally leave things better than I found them. I think that’s the core of every religion, and just “Do your best to not be a dick” is a good life policy. 

Again, I love religion, I think it serves a great (but sometimes terrible) place in humanity, and I’m not an atheist, I just don’t feel strongly about any specific religion. If my future lover is heavily invested in one, I’d go to services with them and support them all the same.

🌎 What country do you live in

United States, the country of horrible health care and truly atrocious sex-ed.

📸 Post a selfie

I’m having a bad face day, so here’s one from last December (AKA the last time I looked good)

[ibitchytimemachine]

A Glad Day

Lisalu

*I took the link out, someone was butt hurt that I provided a source - If you want to read the fic its pretty easy to find on the usual fan fiction sites.

I spent the past week reading this monster of a story. Just out of curiosity I copied and pasted the text into pages to see how long this thing is and it is 250 pages without formatting. That was not what I was expecting when I began the fic and saw there were only five chapters to it! Beware spoilers, my thoughts are below!

Ok first thing is first, this story was phenomenal! Each chapter could have been a story in itself, and the amount of plot and character development in even the most “inconsequential” of characters was astounding. Lisalu’s vision of Vegeta-sei was incredibly well rounded. It is obvious that this is something that 1. She does/did full time (a writer, teacher, English major something) and 2. this was a labor of love. I will not say that each chapter had a different writing style/feel to it, but definitely the third chapter forward had several writing styles in them, mostly because of the narration changes occurring. I loved the fact that you get the story from Vegeta and Bulma’s POV, and that the writing style changed between the two to show differences between narrators. It is nice to see how clouded Vegeta’s judgement is in the beginning of the story throughout the literary use of Vegeta as an unreliable narrator. I think it is safe to say that Bulma’s POV is damaged by her hate dungeon dragon, but it is nice to see the flip side of the coin. Lisalu was ingenious in how she slipped in seemingly fluffy  adjectives that were later explained through the differing POV’s. The first two chapters almost read like an epic poem, think Illiad/Oddesy, and I would like to imagine this was intentional because of the narrator being Vegeta. At this point in his life he still believes himself to be the savior of worlds, a hero to be worshiped and pleased. Untouchable and Godlike. After his first defeat with Jeice (BTW so glad this was not another Frieza story) the writing softens, showing how Vegeta is beginning to crack. Then again after Vegeta is tortured and brought back to Vegeta-sei, the writing style is changed yet again. The words that are picked give the feeling of timidity and unease. After Vegeta regains his memories the style is a nice blend between the two, symbolizing Vegeta’s broken self melding with his former arrogant self. I loved Vegeta’s POV because of the subtle changes Lisalu made to signify the narrator’s journey. Quite impressive writing on her part. As for Bulma’s POV, I thought it was a nice addition to show her views, and it was nice to her “in her own words” her feelings and motivations. I loved that nod to the fact that Bulma would 100 percent want her story and part of her to live on for the memory of her peoples and for her kids. However, I had some issues with the diary. First, I find it hard to believe that Bulma would want to give an account of her time at Vegeta-sei and not detail the cultural and political histories of her home world. During the story it was so important to her that the children were told legends and sang Madrani songs, so I can imagine that she would want to put some of that in her diary. Although, for plot device of getting her story to Vegeta I can completely let that slide. One other big issue I have with it is, if I am writing a diary, I would not write (or speak) the way Bulma chose to tell her story. I am not going to give the types of details that Bulma gave. I would probably use the damn this to let my feelings out into the void. So some of the believability was dampened for me in this aspect. I will argue with myself again and say that this narration issue begins when Bulma starts to break. At the beginning of the diary (when she is still with Raditz) the story telling is way more believable, and as the diary continues it becomes more detailed and almost like she is trying too hard to tell each aspect of her story. Perhaps this is a side effect of her own madness that is taking hold? I don't know, honestly, but this particular it was not as successful as it was with Vegeta for myself. 

Even the antagonists have incredibly plausible reasons for being bad. Shit Bulma creates weapons of mass destruction and you can’t blame her for her reasoning. This story is ultimately about shades of grey, not everything is black and white. No one in this story is a good person. No one is a bad person. They are like Bulma states several times just people. People with their own thoughts, feelings, agendas and lives. Jeice is a horrible monster for this story, he nukes whole planets, deploys what is a killer virus onto a whole galaxy (pretty much), takes survivors of the attacks and places them in torture chamber designed for the entertainment of others, yet I can’t say that what he did was inherently evil. Ok so he was a total ass and went way overboard, but he went completely mad with his wife being raped to death and his kid being killed in an equally terrible way. He went overboard and let the “hate dragon” take hold. He is not really evil, mentally unstable is more like it. His ACTIONS are pure unadulterated evil, but he is not. We see this throughout the story of how the narrator will paint people or races of people as total monsters, only to have them redeem themselves. Zarbon, befriends Bulma and pays with his life trying to protect her. His love for Scopa really drove him to the edge of madness when Scopa was killed, but his redeeming moments were all done out of love for his fallen lover. Horda, who is a “Red Demon”, the same race of people as Jeice, shows his distaste for the treatment of the Sayians, even though they are responsible for the brutal death of his daughter (Jeice’s mate). He even teaches Vegeta how to overcome the block of his Ki sickness (the side effect of the Virus). Granted he did not know Vegeta was Sayian, but this is yet another insight to how people are only good or bad through the eyes of whichever narrator is speaking. If I stretch a bit here, maybe LisaLu is trying to tell us something about our own prejudice's? I can say a lot about this fic, it can be taken at face value, it can be a tale of heroism and its faults, it can be a tale of rebirth and redemption and it can be a warning about racism and the effects of hate and prejudice. 

This is another tale I almost wish would have ended sadly. A huge part of me wanted the story to be over when Vegeta died in the Circus. It is plausible for Dende to have created and used the dragon balls to raise Vegeta, and ultimately these characters really fucking needed a break, so I can let it slide. This story is described as dark in its authors notes, and kami-dammit is it ever fucking dark. There are graphic descriptions of rape, mental illness (although you may not realize the illness as what it is), suicide, torture, war, violence, illness. This is not a story for the faint of heart. Although I do think this story says something about culture and society. I really think that while Lisalu wanted to write a story about a “What-if” Bulma was taken to Vegeta-sei, what he actually wrote was a story about hate. What hate does to your heart and soul. In the end of the story, Bulma has transformed into an angel who delivers the universe from hatred. She is the Jesus figure of this story. She had several moments when she was being broken down, and ultimately she “died” when her mind broke in MedCenter. She was resurrected through love of her Children. She became the savior by designing true protective gear for the galaxy and entrapping “evil” on Shakaji. Those who could not look past their own “hate dragons” were dammed, and judgement rang down on them from Bulma. She rescued those who were good hearted (notice, not pure hearted) and dammed those who let hate fester. 

This fucking story was amazing. The more I think about it, the more I see in it. I liked it while I was reading it, but it wasn't until I sat down and began thinking about what all I wanted to say that I realized just how fantastic this story truly was. I can honestly say I have not read another story quite up to the level of this in the world of fan fiction (and I have been reading fan fiction on and off since the late 1990′s). I am new to DB fandom, but I have to say that I am so impressed with the artists/creators in this fandom. It seems as though every day I am introduced to another stellar artist. 

With that being said shout out to @brinker-hadley for suggesting one of LisaLu’s fics. I found a website with a few more of hers that I will peruse a bit. But if there is a fic out there that any of you wonderful people think I need to read - let me know!

If you liked this review, after you check out this fic, head over to my A03 and check my stuff out too!

[ourfinalheaven]

Some LTD Information:

So, I have a new coworker at my job who lived in Japan for several years, and I asked her for her take on some translations, and her POV of the LTD in regards to the LTD.  Just so everyone knows, on my lunch hour we both sat down and went over a lot of evidence from both sides. She gave me a lot of insight that I knew was true, and some that is false. 

First, lets start off with the FTOIL page. 

“「VII」最終決戦前夜に ティファのおかげで自分を取り戻したクラウドはセフィロスとの最後の戦いを前に言葉では伝えられない想いを彼女と確かめ合う。” 

This is the line about Cloud and Tifa

My coworker translated it like this: 

“Cloud who was able to put himself back together thanks to Tifa as she was able to help him in a way that words could not describe the night before the final battle with Sephiroth.” 

“クラウドは女の友人であり、恋人であり——大切なものの象徴であり、守るべき存在だった。” 

My coworker translated it as such 

“Cloud was her friend, her beloved  — a symbol of what was important to her, and someone to be protected.” 

Let’s just call my coworker, Ann,  said there’s something really important to note in this sentence because the way she reads in Japanese, the whole paragraph that this sentence is in btw. is that the story is THIRD PERSON LIMITED. She made this very clear due to her English major and to her teaching English in Japan. She said this sentence isn’t saying Cloud is Aerith’ss lover, it’s describing HER LOVE for Cloud. She said non Japanese speakers can twist it any way they want, they’re wrong. Yes, if you break down the word KOIBTIO�� alone with no context it means lover, but in this case it doesn’t. She said if this was a statement by Square Enix, then there would be a different meaning to the sentence. Again, it’s describing Aerith’s feelings towards Cloud. I did mention to her how people try to say Aerith didn’t really love Cloud. She stopped and said that this sentence alone for sure shows Aerith did very much love Cloud. 

She also said, from what she read is that there’s an impression that Cloud honored Aerith in a way, that he cared for her to be simply put.  

Now let’s move on to the Girls Day nonsense. I showed her the Emperor and Empress dolls. She said word for word, it’s disrespectful to take a sacred day like girls day and twist it into an agenda. Girls day is about celebrating girls and giving them luck for the future. She said it’s so common for brother and sisters to dress up as Emperor and Empress, and that it’s just dress up- it doesn’t mean a wedding, it doesn’t mean love, it’s fun to dress up. She if someone so badly wants importance to it, it just means that Cloud and Aerith are the main “duo” for FFVII. 

Now she went to a lot of depth about Japanese romances. While she may not be knowledgeable on ffvii as whole, but going by what I showed her (Cloti and Cler/ith stuff, I actually showed her way more cxa stuff than cloti but w/e) that Cloti isn’t well accepted in the states because of the slow burn romance that seems to be going on. She said Cloti reminds her of Japanese dramas. She told me usually there’s like 13 episodes and the couple ends up getting together at like the 10th episode. Then she went on to say Japanese Love Triangles are really interesting because the way that they’re usually played out is one person is trying to get in the way of the “true” pairing. She said it sounds like Cxa is more of the in moment type thing, and that what most likely is going on is for them is there’s flirty hints of the two, but in the end it’s Tifa who ends up with the hero. 

She also educated me that in Japan, people aren’t so much concerned with the physical connection of love as they are the emotional. She said it sounds like both sides are westernizing the info too much, and that in Japan you fall in love with someone slowly. She said that’s why childhood friendships usually end up in a relationship because its that slow burn of slowly falling in love with someone. 

She also noted that Cloud and Tifa can be in love in a non sexual way due to the game being designed by a Japanese company. She also said that she doesn’t think cxa isn’t impossible, but thinks it was something to be cute and corky until her death and until the climax of the story (The Lifestream). She did say it’s important to remember that a lot of Aerith’s feelings are intertwined with Zack and that makes it tricky. She even slightly joked and said, I think the answer is more obvious with Cloti, but the real LTD seems to be with who Aerith loves since there’s so many things about Zack and how Cloud is similar to him. 

She really expressed how Cloud and Tifa is the perfect example of a traditional couple in Japan, and she thinks Square did a great job portraying that.  

The biggest thing she wanted me to take away with her information was to stop westernizing information, and to stop relying on translations from people who have never lived in Japan. She said you can learn about a language perfectly, but you can’t learn about the culture behind the writing works without being in the environment. 

I thought I’d share this with you all because it was really interesting. She said she cant wait to see the books translated in October so she can see it for herself. ^-^  She said it’s funny how Square Enix NA translates things due to cultural differences. 

[twdmusicboxmystery]

8x06 Analysis and TD Goodness! ;D

So, how did everyone like last night’s episode? I actually really enjoyed it. We’ve moved beyond the story of the first four episodes, touched on most of the story lines and characters, and if feels like we’re not only heading into the next part of the story, but into whatever drama the MSF will consist of. This did feel like something of a bridge episode between the first part of 8a and the second part, but I liked it anyway.

***Reminder: Major spoilers for 8x06 in this post! Don’t read until you’ve watched. You’ve been warned!***

The Beginning

One of the first things it showed was Daryl on his bike, and he passed this place:

 At first I thought it might be the same place he passed in 6x06 right before he met Dwight, but that had the 642 sign. This doesn’t. Honestly, this looks most reminiscent of the crossroads me fell down at after chasing Beth all night. 

It also looks a lot like the place Rick and Carl passed in S4. TONS of S4 callbacks in this episode. Of course the similarities to the place in 6x06 work too because there as so much Beth symbolism in that episode:

It seems the characters left one another notes about how their part of the operation went. Obviously that was planned because cell phones don’t work anymore, and it seems to have worked pretty well in letting one another know how things are going. And of course I can’t help but think of Beth’s thank you note in Alone when I think of anyone leaving notes for one another.

There were actually a ton of things pointing to Still and Alone in this episode. I’ll get to them in a minute.

At one point, Michonne says it’s been a day and a half. The thing is, I think time is being staggered throughout the story lines. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we’ve seen nighttime for Rick yet. Although he may spend the night in Jadis’s prison and that will be the first night for him. We did see night for FG and Negan last episode, and we saw it at the Hilltop with Jesus this episode. Anyway, Rick says they need two more days for the plan, and I think it was still the first day for him when he said that. So my point is that I’m thinking the entire plan will take 3 days. Three huh?

Because of the sunset in 7x16, a new arc began in S8. And Christ rose after three days. Just saying. Feeling more and more like the MSF might be big for us. ;D

I also want to note that this felt like a pivotal episode, even if we don’t know exactly why yet. In the voiceovers at the beginning, specifically Rick’s he said lots of things about how “the path has led us here” and this could be “our last fight.” That sort of thing. So whatever we’re heading into next is probably gonna be really epic for TF.

The Scavengers

The spoiler site got a few small details wrong. Jadis wasn’t painting. She was creating one of those wire animals, like the cat Rick took for Michonne. It looked to me like a pouncing tiger. Is she creating some kind of shrine to Shiva? We do know that she favor cats.

Rick pounding on the metal door felt like a callback to Terminus. And granted, I do have Terminus on the brain lately, but given what happens at the end, I think the callbacks are intentional. When the Scavengers open the door, we see what is essentially a black tunnel.

Now, in terms of the plot, that’s just the way into the junk yard that Rick comes through to meet with Jadis, as far as I can tell. But symbolically, it’s really interesting. Not only is it more Dark Tunnel Symbolism (X) but in this case, it’s not just a character being in a dark tunnel or seeing one. It’s like they open the doors and something is about to emerge from the dark tunnel. Interesting that the very next thing we see in the opening credits is the Beth flash. Several people in my group commented that the darkness of the tunnel made the flash more pronounced.

Sticking with the junk yard story, Rick and Jadis have a convo. I didn’t notice this until I rewatched with subtitles, but Jadis uses the words “still” and “alone” three times in about twenty seconds. Someone else said it later too, and I forgot to write down who. I think it was someone at the Hilltop. Jadis first asks Rick, “Alone?” Then a couple of sentences later says. “Still? Alone you.” These were some of the callbacks to those episodes. The biggest one in the plot had to do with Carzekiel. I’ll get to that in a minute.

So Jadis declines Rick’s offer, saying he talks too much (Really? Learn to talk in complete sentences, Lady. Then you can criticize) and takes him prisoner. Rick does say that his people know he’s there and what they do depends on her. So it does sound like they have a plan for if Jadis doesn’t cooperate. I’m interested to see what that is, as they haven’t shown anyone to be concerned that Rick hasn’t returned yet.

Then, of course, at the end, Rick is in the prison. SO many interesting things and callbacks in this 10-second scene. Everyone in my group commented on Jadis’s boots, that looked a whole lot like Beth’s. Not necessarily on the flat part that covers the foot, but on the tall part that wraps around her shins. They look exactly like Beth’s cowboy boots. Hmmm.

It’s been said before, but Rick’s eye peering out is reminiscent of Beth’s peering through the small gap in the elevator doors from the Skybound promo in S5.

The prison at large, of course, is reminiscent of being in the train car at Terminus. And remember in 5x16, Rick woke up after his fight with Pete and told Carol he thought for a minute that he was still in that train car. So it’s kind of interesting that he sort of is now, even though it’s at the junk yard rather than at Terminus. I wonder if being in this place could bring on a flashback to Terminus for Rick? Just a thought.

I also noticed that inside, Rick sits exactly like Daryl did in the Cell, with one knee up and the other leg stretched out.

Finally, Jadis draws an A on the outside of the door, just like the A on the train car at Terminus. See why I think the callbacks are purposeful? And yet more evidence that Terminus is about to become relevant again. One other detail about the A. 

I noticed that Jadis specifically draw a horizontal line at the top of the A before drawing the A itself. That felt purposeful. I’m not sure what the meaning is though. The only thing I found that might be relevant is something called an Accent Grave. (Interesting name.) It’s a common accent in other languages. One of the few things it’s used for in English…is music. (Lots of emphasis on music in this episode, btw!) Basically it can be used to make 1-syllable words into two syllables to fit musical notes. This is especially common in church and gospel songs. Read below:

I think it’s interesting that it describes it as giving a silent vowel a voice, specifically a song.

Again, I’m not entirely sure this is what they’re going for, though. The line Jadis makes looks more horizontal than the accent grave, which is at more of a 45 degree angle. Would love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this.

Henry and Carol

Henry wants to fight, and I have to admit I was surprised how quickly Carol gave in and took him under her wing. Maybe it’s because of what he said about wanting justice for his brother’s death, and she can understand that. 

What she says to him is 100% about Sophia though. She says, “Do you know what happens to kids who wander around in the woods? They’re never seen again, and if they are, they’re monsters.” Yeah, totally about Sophia. Henry is unafraid, which I thought was really cool I REALLY hope he doesn’t die on her too. That’s been the pattern with kids around Carol. But I think he’ll either shatter her for good, or heal her. So I’m interested to see where this goes.

Carzekiel

So the convo between Carol and Ezekiel in the theater was very reminiscent of Beth and Daryl’s fight in Still. Understand that there weren’t any specific dialogue parallels that I caught. They don’t SAY the same things, but that’s because the issues are specific to their characters and arcs. Ezekiel and Daryl are not the same person, and of course neither are Beth and Carol.

But the structure is similar. Something tragic has happened (Hershel’s death and fall of the prison vs. all the Kingdomers being killed) and Daryl/Ezekiel feel guilty about it (not killing the Governor vs. getting his people killed). So they both become dark and withdrawn and emotionally shut down. Beth and Carol both draw their guys out of that dark place, refusing to let them wallow in self pity. (“We might as well do something.”/”Your people need you.”)

And I don’t even think the point of this is to parallel Bethyl (though I’m sure they’re conscious of the parallels as they write this). I think it’s more specifically about deepening the relationship between Carol and Ezekiel. Yeah, there’s definitely been tension and flirting, but it had to become more than that. There needed to be a deep emotional connection, as Bethyl and Richonne have had, and Carol and Ezekiel had to save one another emotionally. Now, granted the saving part hasn’t entirely happened yet, as Ezekiel is still refusing to come out this episode, but give it time.

I also think it’s interesting that Carol cried. It’s not that we don’t see her cry, but in the past it’s always been about her own pain, or an act to save someone else. She cried to Daryl in 7x10 about not being able to deal with killing anymore, but that was about her own guilt and her own demons. She cried in 6x13 when she and Maggie were taken prisoner. And yes, that was an act because she could kind of turn it off and on, but I also think it came from a place of real pain. Her pain. The act was about saving Maggie. But again, I don’t think we’ve seen her cry for the pain of another character before. She hasn’t sympathized with someone on this level since…Sophia.

And before anyone jumps down my throat, yes she sympathizes with Daryl about things, but we’ve never seen her cry specifically for him that I can think of. Even when Beth died, she was obviously worried about him and wanted to help, but she didn’t cry because of his pain. Here, she’s crying for Ezekiel and his pain, which outward really doesn’t have much to do with her. So this is affecting her on a different level. A romantic level. Hehe.

I also thought her line about acting was interesting. Yet another way we can see how well-planned this is. She said, “I have to act every day. It’s who I am and I’m still standing.”

A) This goes back to the “acting” theme we’ve seen around Carzekiel. And yet another way we see that this was planned well in advance. In 7x02, Ezekiel talked to her about playing parts. He called her out on her “act” of being a pleasant den mother when really she’s much more than that. He connected with her because he saw someone like him, and it made her uncomfortable that he saw through her like that, because no one else does.

We also saw her act in 6x13, which was long before Ezekiel was even in the picture. So clear back then (I’d argue when she first started acting to the Alexandrians in 5b) they were already planning this arc with Ezekiel and what they would connect over.

Remember in 5x16, Carol told Rick, Glenn, an Michonne that she’d been acting and “telling a story” to the Alexandrians since she arrived. Michonne didn’t like that and asked why. So even the people Carol’s closest to in TF don’t really understand why she feels the need to put on an act. I think Rick is the most conscious of her doing it, and he doesn’t question her on it, but they don’t’ really get it or empathize with her. Ezekiel does. That’s why they’re such a good fit.

B) This is just my opinion, but I was thinking last night about how Carol has been trying to leave TF since Lizzie and Mica died. She tried in 5x02 and Daryl stopped her. She finally did leave in 6x14 and ended up at the Kingdom. I kind of think that saying what she said, about how she acts everyday and it’s who she is, is something new for her. I wonder if part of the reason she kept trying to leave is that she can’t reconcile who she really is with the act she puts on. 

I personally think that hearing Ezekiel talk about how he plays the part in order to serve his people, and that’s okay, was maybe what healed her and made her realize that putting on the act to protect others is okay. There doesn’t have to be a schism. So his words really may have healed her enough to make her realize that it’s who she is and how she survived, and she doesn’t have to hide from it anymore. Now the tables are turned and she’s saying the same thing to him. 

I think you could argue something similar happened with Bethyl. After realizing she wanted to live, we know from what Beth told Carol in S3 that she admired Daryl, especially his determination not to let people (like Judith) die. He taught her to be strong and determined even before they spent much time together. After the prison, the tables were turned and she taught himself that it was okay to open himself up emotionally as well. I’m sure we could also find a Richonne parallel to this.

We also had an “I’m was okay” line from Carol. More of that theme, which also hearkens back to Beth. Okay, enough of my Carzekiel rant. If you can’t tell I’m really loving this story line. ;D

Oh, one more thing. The door wasn’t locked. Kind of a comedic moment, but I feel like there’s deeper significance to that. Not sure exactly what. We know when something IS locked, they always need a key to open it (key theory), so Carol bull dozing her way in with the gun probably wouldn’t have brought Ezekiel around. Maybe it just shows that, while he’s being stubborn, he’s still open to coming back from it in some way. He hasn’t truly locked himself away yet. I don’t know. Just felt important.

Maggie/Hilltop

Just a few small details here. They focused on the watch, which looked to still read 6:20. To me, that tells me Maggie is thinking of Glenn. She’s trying to make a decision about the prisoners Jesus brought and probably wondering what he would do in her position.

Gregory tells her to “connect the dots.” Just a random reference, but it reminded me of “the signs are all there. You just gotta know how to read them.” And in general of tptb wanting us to find Easter eggs and connect things.

There’s a lot of biblical imagery in this story line. One of the prisoners (don’t know his name) says to Jesus, “I’m not an angel. Ain’t no such thing.” Kind of interesting. I wonder if we’ll see more of this theme or where it will go. Makes me think of the angel wings on Daryl’s vest. And if there are no angels, it shows that most of the characters are in a very dark place right now.

Gregory also talks about Maggie being a shepherd, and sheep and wolves. Definitely biblical imagery there, especially from Matthew. And when he says this, a white horse picture is behind Maggie. (Horse Theory). And remember that white horse = Beth. So talk of the shepherd (Christ) saving the sheep from the wolves, and meanwhile a picture we think represents Beth is in the shot. Just saying.

Later, Aaron talks to Maggie and Enid about his grief over Eric. He asks if it gets easier and Maggie says, “No. But it helps to do something about it.” It reminded me of Andrea’s line to Beth: “The pain doesn’t go away. You just make room for it.”

And I thought it was sweet that Maggie was taking care of Gracie. Me: “Awww.” Don’t know why. Just liked that.

The Fat Lady:

So we had Michonne and Rosita’s story merge with Tara and Daryl’s in a very music-central story line. This was probably the biggest TD thing I saw in the episode. The most obvious thing is that it revolved around music, but let’s back up a minute.

When Daryl and Tara talk on the porch, it was noted in my FB group that he said “maybe” several times. “Maybe we can both kill him. Maybe we don’t gotta wait so long.” That’s reminiscent of him saying “maybe” to Beth twice at the funeral home in Alone. (Yet another callback to Alone.) “Maybe you don’t gotta leave that [note]. Maybe we stick around here for a while.” So once again, I’m feeling like Tara is a stand-in for Beth. And now she and Daryl are headed off together.

Lots of musical references here. They called the big speakers “the Fat Lady” because it’s all over when the fat lady sings. When Michonne confronted the female savior, the woman says, “You don’t look so good, girl. Somebody tune you up?”

I gotta say, the whole sequence where Rosita pulls a Daryl and blows someone up with a rocket launcher, and then Daryl comes out of nowhere and smacks into Fat Lady truck was awesome. Pure TWD goodness!

I do wish we’d have seen this story from Daryl and Tara’s POV. They were probably drawn by the music the same as Michonne and Rosita were, and that would have been interesting. Either way, Daryl was still drawn by the music and we have another example of him not really wanting to hear it. I know he took the “fat lady” down because it would have freed the Sanctuary, but still. Thematically, we had him asking Rick not to play music in 6x10, and now him bulldozing music in this episode. He’s really not all about the music since he lost Beth.

When Michonne and Rosita stand in front of the building and watch Daryl hit the Fat Lady truck, a three is clearly visible behind Michonne. And the truck Daryl uses looks a lot like a garbage truck to me. Not sure what to make of that, other than to tie in some way to the Scavengers? Not a whole lot more to say, except this definitely felt like things were getting “acoustic.” Between the music and the green ball Michonne kicked and the 3, this hopefully this story line will eventually lead to Beth in some way.

Carl/Siddiq

Glad we have confirmation that this character is Siddiq. I’m not super-familiar with his CB arc, and they could change it for the show anyway, but I do know he has ties to Oceanside.

More than anything else, these scenes were just interesting, and I’m wondering where they’ll go. The walker traps Siddiq built were kind of a callback to Morgan’s walker traps in Clear. Siddiq says he’s killed 237 walkers. Don’t know if that number is significant or not.

Then there’s a dead deer. (Deer theory). Remember that if the deer is dead, someone else is alive. It COULD have been for Carl, because it looked like he might get bitten there for a minute, but I doubt it. Usually the person is gravely injured, often by being shot. Carl wasn’t actually hurt.

I will say that having the walkers pile up on him like that when he was on his back was a big visual callback to 4b. That same thing happened when Rick slept for a day after the prison and Carl went out on his own. And that’s super-interesting to me because there were so many parallels in that episode, both in Rick’s and Carl’s story lines that pointed to Beth’s arc. Now we’re seeing both the dead deer AND a callback to that.

There was also a blond, female walker involved, who Siddiq killed. Interestingly, we didn’t actually see him kill her. First he was fighting her, then she was just laying on the ground. So we didn’t actually see him shoot or stab her in the head. Just saying.

One last note and I promise I’ll shut up. They mentioned a lot of titles in this episode. Not only Still and Alone, as I already said, but I heard them say “Now” and “The Next World.” There may have been others I didn’t catch. I seem to remember hearing another one, but can’t remember what it is and didn’t write it down. (*slaps forehead with palm*) The Next World is where Rick and Daryl met Jesus, and Now was Maggie in the dark tunnel with Aaron. So kind of interesting. But I felt like they went out of their way to mention past titles in this episode.

Again, just shows a lot of things are coming to a head. As Rick said at the beginning, the path has led them all here, and past episodes are being echoed.

That’s it for today. Anyone see anything I missed? I’ll probably do a TTD post tomorrow. ;D

[thisgoldenafternoon]

Coincidence, you said??

Hey there, I'm back with another rant (rambling, whatever I don’t care) this time on a panel of VnC, that probably made many a heart flutter.

I'm talking about this panel from Memoir 14:

This post will contain spoilers for VnC so far and Pandora Hearts. Turn away now, you have been warned. It’s also gonna be long as fuck...

And therefore I can hardly believe, that this special pannel, should have been nothing but fanservice or a lumpish reference to PH. No way.

Why would she even choose theese alias? For aforementioned reasons? I highly doubt it. Bitch, please, this is MoshiJun-sensei, after all. Give her some credit.

So I thought about it and various things crossed my mind.

Please note: the following is nothing but me rambling about some vague parallels and thoughts, that popped right into my head at 1am right after reading Memoir 14, that I only now found time to put into words.

(Btw, english isn’t my mother toungue so please bear with mistakes and weird grammar)

(And would you look at this, it’s nearly 1am again... did I mention that I gotta go to work at 7:30 am tomorrow? Today??? Well, as soon as the alarm rings, anyways)

So first of all... I think that when we look back at that scene from a later point in the story we might realize just how much of a foreshadowing she's been giving us here. From what we've learnt in the last arc we can already draw many parallels between those characters.

Let's start with Vincent and Vanitas, shall we?

Both of them are considered harbingers of bad luck, Vince as a child of misfortune for that red eye of his, Vanitas for been kin of the blue moon and therefore associated with the curse of Bloom Vanitas. Both of the symbols of misfortune are closely linked to the cirumstances of their births and a certain colour, but that just seems to be the way MochiJun rolls.

Although we still don't know much about Vanis early childhood, it's stated that he, too, is an orphan who'd been abused and manipulated.

Also, Vanitas seems to blame himself heavily for the (still unknown fate) of Nr. 71, who'd referred to him as “Oni-chan”. Whether they're blood relatives or not matters little, as I'm sure he has as big a brother complex as Vincent had.

It's further hinted that Vani caused someone's death, and boy isn't that true for Vincent as well (no it's absolutely not, for the poor little sinnamon roll had been fucking manipulated by Jack and was just trying to save the only person he's ever loved and vice versa... So the precious child actually did nothing wrong. Still a lot of people died in the aftermath of his deeds and it haunted him ever since. I guess it'll turn out to be a similar story with Vanitas.)

From the general characteristics we've been shown thus far, even more parallels arise. Both characters are emotionally and physically traumatized, abused and mistreated, and therefore act distant, happy-go-lucky and sometimes ruthless.

They don’t value their lifes, either, and have been ready to give up on themselves multiple times.

Neither of them can deal with open affection and care, for they don't consider themselves worthy of it and refuse to view the people around them as more than mere pawns.

This behaviour is also mirrored in how they treat women- both act chivalrous, flirtatious and deeply committed on the outside, but who's gonna by this, I ask?? It’s all but an act serving an ulteriour motive.

In general, both seem to look for atonement and forgiveness. This was what saved Vincent in the end, and I'll be damned, if it won't save Vanitas, as well. Just think about Noe's words at the end of Memoir 18. Now we'll just have to wait and see, what kind of salvation that'll turn out to be.

Which leads me to the next part... (please bear with me, who ever reads this till the end get's all my gratitude and a years worth of fictional cookies).

Noe and Gil... frankly I didn't find as many parallels here, as with the previous two, but some still came to mind. (If any of you guys has something to add, please message me, I'm dying to hear your thoughts)

First thing here again is both of them being orphans with a somewhat tragic past, that still turned out to be the most precious cinnamon rolls.

Both have a strong need to protect and act as a shield due to certain physical traits (Gil was able to take more or less any hit due to being a Baskerville, while Noe is a fucking Vampire).

The two of them are also portrayed as more or less naïve and sometimes simple minded, yet head strong and generally kind hearted.

We know, that Gilbert's mind has been manipulated and tempered with and that he was bound to his master's will and frankly, I wouldn't be too surprised if that turned out to be true for Noe as well. His “teacher” is shady as fuck.

By the way, Noe had been more than once shown with hands reaching out for him from the shadows in official art...

Like here, e.g.:

In this case those are specifically his teacher's hands. You know who else had often been shown like that? Oz. And Gilbert. In Oz's case those hands longing for him represent Jack, in Gil's case Glen Baskerville. (Sorry, can't find the pic I'm looking for right now... Oh wait... there it is:

This might be a little far fetched, but maybe it's a hint, that Noe as well is bound tightly by his past? Maybe he, too, is a vessel for some ominous entity?? We'll know for sure some day.

I guess I could pull some more things out of my arse right now, but it's getting late on my end and this post is already sooo fucking long.  (Sorry, not sorry.) But I think I got the major issues covered.

So, if you've read all of this: Here is your cookie! You're a precious being and deserve all the love you can get!

That's it guys, TGA.

[betweengenesisfrogs]

OTCHS FOLLOW-UP #1: HEARTS AND MINDS

So, Tumblr seems to have eaten the message, but re: my last post about the nature of the self, someone messaged me pointing out that I completely neglected to mention the Heart aspect, which basically represents the very thing I was talking about: the ur-Self! Which inspired some great reflections, so let’s touch on that before I drop eleven pages of Gnosticism on you later tonight. If that was you, please let me know so I can give you credit!

EDIT: Ah, I figured it out! It was homeschool-winner! Thank you for the terrific message! :)

So, in the past I wasn’t much for classpect analysis ‘cause I kinda saw people trying to use them predicatively, like “this will happen because Character X has Y classpect,” and there was always just such a wide range of interpretations available that any claim to certainty seemed a bit dubious. But now that Homestuck’s over, I find I’m fond of them, not as predictors but as tools for understanding all the weird symbols in Homestuck’s hyperflexible mythology.

I totally agree that Heart represents the Ur-Self. It clearly represents the soul, as Calliope tells us, and we see it on full display with Dirk’s ability to suck out souls (and put them in something else). He’s the Destroyer of Souls, and possibly also a destroyer by means of souls (by accidentally creating the Calsoul and thus Lord English? By duplicating his soul in the form of AR/Hal, whose soul is real enough to be part of a kernelsprite and the Calsoul?) Dirk fucks things up with/for souls. That’s pretty clear.

But these souls also seem to carry enough of their person’s qualities to represent their Ur-Self. LE certainly has qualities of all the people in the Calsoul. It seems pretty reasonable to interpret Heart as relating to people’s Self. That would make Dirk someone who destroys or suppresses Selfhood. Makes sense; Bro was certainly able to suppress Dave’s self, as we see it emerging by the ending. And LE’s Hal definitely comes out in Doc Scratch’s manipulations, which serve to rob others of their agency. So it checks out.

I really love the way souls are represented in the SBURB Glitch FAQ/Replay Value AU (which is an awesome AU, btw, y’all should check it out), where they’re nicknamed shinies, and basically everything has one. They’re the code for rocks or grass or game objects or people, and Heart Players can mess with them as one of their means of exploiting the game engine to compensate for bugs like the debug menu in a Bethesda Game. It’s awesome.

Imagine a game engine that calls up individual manifestations of you, which behave like different entities but they’re all called from one base file that’s copied and modified for different circumstances. That might be the kind of game we’re working with here.

But no classpect is ever just one thing, right? That’s what’s fascinating about them, they’re often multiple meanings fused fluidly together. Light is Luck, but also Information, Knowledge. Even Time and Space have subtler qualities. So I think we need to look at the Leijons as well.

When we first hear about Heart, it seems like it might be a silly, power of heart aspect, right? Because we (all too easily) dismiss Nepeta, and see Heart as just meaning love, meaning Nepeta’s shipping.

But I’m gonna say that Shipping, Self, and Agency all roll together into one concept called Heart. By pairing people up, Nepeta is exploring compatibilities among archetypal versions of people. Terezi fits with Dave in some ways, and Vriska in others. A Rogue of Heart might be able to move people around to their benefit to find better combinations. (A Thief of Heart would of course ship people for her own benefit rather than theirs, a classic seducer and heartbreaker...but maybe she’d also be someone who could steal a literal soul.) Meulin does this too, but more directly, as matchmaker more than shipper (the Mage at work). Heck, I think Davepeta’s very existence is a strong argument for this, right? The fusion of Nepeta and Davesprite’s souls created one hell of a positive, affirming combination. Like a bird and cat-themed Garnet. Meanwhile LE’s souls amplify a monster.

So yeah, in Homestuck Heart means: Soul + Self + Agency over Events+ Compatibility + Love.

Thinking about Heart also got me thinking, interestingly, about Mind. They’re an obvious aspect pair, right? One is the soul and one is the brain, duh. But I was never able to explain them on a larger level than that.

And then just now I got it. Because Mind in Homestuck means Choice. We see this everywhere in Homestuck. Terezi’s Mind abilities allow her to see what choices people will make and how to get the best results from them, to the point where she can use people’s choices to defy luck. Her retcon arc (which I will talk about in so, so much depth later) is about rewriting her own choices, or really giving herself the freedom to make new ones. Meanwhile, Latula uses her own choices as a shield but can easily interpret the choices her peers made as the Ancestors.

So, like Time and Space, Light and Void, and so on, Heart and Mind are a balanced pair where the further you go from one, the closer you move into the other. Heart is your Self and your role in the cosmos altogether. Mind is the individual choices you make to differentiate yourself from all your other selves! Heart is what’s consistent across all timelines, Mind is what makes individual timelines exist! Heart is Dave-ness; Mind is the difference between Doomed Dave, Dave, and Davesprite. Heart is what’s unchangable about you; Mind is what’s changing. Every self matters, but so, too, does the eternal Self

You could almost think of it as if Heart’s your base stats in a video game, and Mind’s the stat boosts you gain a long the way. Say, Pokemon. I bet Terezi would be really good at EV training. >:)

Hell, this even gets spelled out for us! Remember how Karkat introduced the concept of different game sessions to us?

CG: TRY TO THINK MORE ABSTRACTLY. CG: THINK ABOUT VIDEO GAMES. CG: WHAT'S AN EARTH GAME YOU LIKED TO PLAY? CG: NAME ONE. EB: ummmm... EB: crash bandicoot? CG: OK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT I HAVE A FEELING IT'S A REALLY LAME EXAMPLE, BUT THAT'S FINE, IT'S NOT THE POINT. CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT. CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS. CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS. CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT. CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES.

Think of all the Dersites and Prospitians, and all the different roles they take on. Jack and all his gang and even WV and PM at different points in their history. Funnily enough, in many ways the players of the Game have a lot in common with its NPCs.

We are all our own individual Bandicoot, yet still part of the much larger Bandicoot that makes us who we are.

Which means that Heart and Mind aren’t just any other aspects. They tie very directly into one of the biggest thematic concerns of Homestuck itself!

That’s so freaking cool!

So yeah, thanks so much for this insight! :D

(PS: Also, I really dug the point that the ur-Self could be described as the Platonic Self, that the “archetypes” I keep talking about really resemble Plato’s theory of Forms. A connection that’s worth checking out, especially when Dirk, Prince of Heart  has the username timaeustestified, a reference to a major Platonic Dialogue. Dirk is the Platonic Form. It’s him. Thanks for that insight, too!)