#the dream vortex again so i got up and actually went to the bathroom for real

[deelovesbooks]

yall ever get weird dreams when taking antibiotics?

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

What’s wrong? (Tj Hammond) (Pt. 3)

PART 2

Characters: Bi!TJ Hammond x Asian!Female!Reader

Summary: You're an overseas worker and is in a relationship with TJ, but people can't seem to accept the differences between you both even by financially and background wise. (PART 3!) (Read part 1 and 2 before this which is located in my Sebastian Stan Oneshots Book 1! Heehee!)

Warning: ANGST. SAD AND ANGRY TJ HAMMOND. (I'M SORRY? 😢) Pertaining that they've did the birds and the bees but there is no actual smut or anything. Y'all are safe. This is a sad, wholesome one but with kisses? 😅

Words: 2,900+ words. (Damn long again. Hehehe)

A/N: BE CRAZY WITH YOUR FEEDBACKS! TJ HAMMOND IN DA HOUSEEEE YOO! Italics meant that some flashback happened, ayt?

Disclaimer: GIF'S and pictures used are not mine. Only the edits are and the oneshot of course. 😉 Credits to the owners of the GIFS.

Dedicated: @fandomgalcentral​ 

"Marry me,"

Tj tenderly whispered, his hot breath fanning your face. Affectionate cerulean eyes peering at you with the softest look he could give as he was on his knees, and you were somewhat in a pretty dominating position especially that your dress was bunched up around your waist.

You were having your wondrous pee-time alright, yet Thomas James Hammond thought it was actually a good time to propose with all that alcohol you took.

Knotted eyebrows and a blink was all you've given. "Marry...marry Lee? Whyyy would I even marryyyy Lee?" You drunkenly slurred with a hiccup and a youthful smile. Your baby boy took your face in both of his hands, grasping your jaw in the most delicate way as possible. He was too good to be true, and too good for you.

He was the best you've ever had. Despite of the negativity of what he has been saying about himself.

His pretty blue eyes were dazzling against the yellow, incandescent lights of his bathroom and you were pretty enamoured by the bountiful love that was surrounded in his irises. Only him. Only Tj. "I know you thought I was actually really--and when I meant really, like fully gay at first and that I look like a complicated playboy who is scared of marriage but," he paused, taking a breather. Smiling the nervous ticks that was making his hands tremble.

"Marry me, please. That's not a question and please don't say no. I know you're drunk but a drunk mind speak sober thoughts, right?"

You hiccuped and giggled like a drunkard, your cheeks feeling all warm from all the alcohol you've drank. A single boop on his nose was what he got from you, and an answer that made him sigh that released all the anxiety and fear which was bubbling up inside his healing heart.

"Of course, silly. I'll marry chuuu' with all my heart!" Thus, the ring was about to come up later than the actual proposal because of certain circumstances that won't make it happen.

                                               ✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

"Don't even bother coming to The Dome for its one year anniversary," Tj mumbled as he scrambled to his feet, he was completely drowning in his thoughts for you. He needed to find you because the room was beginning to choke him alive. "Even though, you guys fucking know how important you are to me,"

You were at the end of the room, hazy, dreary eyes seeing Tj striding across the room to find you. You fiddled with the lapels of his black coat resting on your shoulder. Basically, you looked like a drunk, kicked abandoned puppy who seemed to not be liked by his family.

A hug was all you wanted right now, and by the looks of your furious, teary eyed, healing Hammond, he desperately needs one too.

"Let's go, Y/N." Tj's warm, comforting hand grabbed yours. Roughly tugging you along in your heels. You were struggling in your shoes and by how fast and long his legs were. "T-Tj..Slow down, please?" you stuttered, alcohol running in your veins and it wasn't helping that the world was twirling in a vortex.

He abruptly stopped in front of their door, your forehead hitting his back with a soft thud. Automatically uttering a tender apology towards the latter. Tj spun in his heels, his long, soft, pretty fingers wrapping around your wrist a little too tightly. Probably because of his anger towards everything, yet you weren't complaining because you were too drunk to even retort. You were even numb from the alcohol and from the piercing words that went straight to the heart.

If only it was all but a dream..

"You guys are the fucking best," you heard Tj sarcastically spat towards his family who were shooting daggers at the both of you. They couldn't understand yet. No, not until they wanted to understand where Tj was coming from then they wouldn't get to.

They wouldn't get to because they've never understood him since he was in the white house.

Thomas James Hammond only needed love, understanding and affection. He just wanted to be loved. He has ever been a soft boy.

Y/N Y/L/N came along and gave him what he wanted, yet she wasn't downright accepted.

Just like TJ Hammond, and that was probably why they were good for each other.

Then the door slammed shut, vibrating their stunned souls. Nana revealed herself from the kitchen, a disappointed look on her pretty, aging face. She knew she liked Y/N's pure heart. More so for her grandson because she knew how he was whipped and ready to climb mountains for this woman.

Elaine's mother sipped on her martini, her voice cracking from age as she finally addressed the elephant in the room. "Elaine," she grabbed her daughter's attention. "You won't be getting to save Tj for the second time now because you've just showed how invalid he was. Y/N will." Elaine frowned tightly, trying hard not to roll her eyes as she was trying to process everything at hand.

Margaret huffed as she glanced at Elaine's ex-husband. "As for you, Bud.." She eventually snickered, twirling the glass in her feeble hands with a stressed out tone.

"You're a dick,"

The eventful night you've had with your boy was full of interesting surprises. One sore, tiring night came with a peaceful morning with Tj. Those tranquil hours you spend with him which included coffee, cuddles and light morning kisses was a highlight of your day before actually overworking yourself with work.

Up until today..

Heavy, quick footsteps faded in as you prepared breakfast for the both of you. Tj had accidentally snooped in your conversation that you had with Karina. A close friend of yours whom have been elated to know that you've managed to catch Tj's bisexual heart which were a mystery to many and probably a dream for every women and men to have.

Fortunately, you've caught the most glorious fish in the sea.

But, unfortunately he was looking mad.

"So, what's this thing that Karina said?" Your man huffed as he stopped beside you, leaving you no space. You've flipped the pancakes when you finally noticed bubbles. "What?" With eyebrows cinched and a very questionnable tone made Tj wrap his fingers around your arm with a slight force, turning you to look at him.

You didn't budge. Confusion written all over your face as you began to place those pancakes on a white, ceramic plate with only a hand. Once the pancakes were settled, you tried to hide the confusion with a smile. Still, those eyes of yours weren't on Tj and it was just making him even more frustrated.

"Eyes on me, Y/N." Your baby boy grumbled. Only to see his bright, cerulean eyes filled with dread. You finally laid your eyes on him, completely fixated and when you did, that's when he began to talk. His words slowly breaking him to pieces if that was even possible because of the previous agenda at hand.

He huffed to himself. Red, cherry kissable lips forming a thin line, "--About planning on leaving the country," he continued sarcastically. "Wanting to work somewhere else--"

"--Where.I'm.not.there?" Tj emphasized his words, leaving pauses that made him sound more serious and definitely furious. His jaw began to tighten and that's when you realized he was serious and mad as a bear with a sore head.

"What was that suppose to mean, huh?" he sounded more hurt as he added, "Shouldn't I be the first to know these plans of yours?"

"Tj," you started thoroughly calm despite of his assumptions which have been true. Karina didn't grew up to be a liar and he'd seen the conversation you had with her. Therefore, it was no joke.

"No, Y/N. I know what I heard," It was a stern tone that made you shut up. Tj had been all but very rabid in a year that you've been with him. Lots of vexations and petty fights but definitely no tough fights like the one you're currently arguing on. He has just been a total sweetheart with you despite of his uncertainty in settling with a woman permanently.

Yet, those uncertainies came tumbling back when he'd read all your plans of leaving the country and working somewhere else where he wasn't there.

"Are you..." his voice began to turn quieter with vulnerability written in his Steele blue eyes that made your heart ache. He was hurting again, and the sad fact was that it was about you and his family. His heart was healing, but because of what happened last night, it began to trigger something inside of him which made everything come back the way it is. "--Leaving me?"

You held onto his hand that was wrapped around your arm, untangling them and slipping your own in between the spaces of his fingers. A reassuring gaze was all you gave. "That's not what I meant, Love."

Tj bit his own lip apprehensively. "W-Was it something I said?" His voice sounded small, quieter and it teased the strings of your heart with a knife. "Was it something I did last night?"

His eyes cascaded downwards, avoiding your eyes and you couldn't help but slip your fingers on the side of his stubbly 5 o'clock shadow. "I'm...I'm sorry I was rough! I didn't mean to!" Thomas added, feeling like he was to blame. "I'm sorry I kept you up all night!" The latter kept trailing off, thoughts caught up in a fiery landslide of messages that kept him stuttering. "I..I was just frustrated, I--I--"

"Thomas, you got it all wrong--"

"No..no. Not you too, no please.." Your baby boy pleaded wholeheartedly, Cerulean eyes flashing and turning reddish from how he was trying not to let the tears slip. "Please! Don't leave me,"

"You're all I have, Y/N. You're the only one," he grabbed the sides of your face and you were met with dreaded eyes that was terrified of having the need to be alone. Tj was scared that the only person he could count on and he'd love will actually end up like his previous relationships. Thus, he didn't want you away from him even an inch. "Honey," you started, cupping the side of his jaw and reassuring that you'd be with him till the end of the line.

"N-No, please..you're the only one who actually cares," your baby boy desperately pleaded, much more to your pity. This was the only time you've seen him like that again and you wanted nothing more than to see him smiling that reaches the ends of his eyes.

"Hush, baby." you wooed him over and Tj leaned against your touch, like a lost, touch deprived puppy.  "I'm not leaving you..." you reassured with much emphasis, "I just wanted to earn more than what I do. It's for our future--"

He cut you off, very zealous of what solution he could see with that certain problem of yours. "You know I can help! I'll help you!"

"Tj..."

"I love you," Those passionate three words was all it took for your decision to come crushing down. Apparently, Tj didn't want you working overseas even though you already were. He just didn't want you away from him, the idea of being separated is killing him inside. You were his stronghold, he lives for you and it was crushing him to know that you didn't know that he was six feet under for his love for you. "I love you very much," he emphasized, saying those words very tenderly as he peered down at you.

You bit your lip, finally deciding that he should get a snippet of your thoughts. "Tj, you know I don't want to feel as if I'm such a heavy baggage for you. You know your father doesn't like me because I'm poor and not a daughter of one of any politicians,"

Tj tried to chuckle and it appeared to sound like he was trying to sound happy. "Why do we even need to care about what my father thinks of you, Y/N?" Pause. "You're it for me, Baby. You know you are," he pushed himself to smile and it was hurting to smile when all he wanted to do was frown and cry from what how his actually life turned to.

"So, what's the problem, huh? You know I'm always here to help,"

He locked his eyes on your lips, brushing his lips on yours like a thunderbolt as it caught you off guard. Tj's lips locked with yours as he hopelessly kissed you with all his might. His fingers digging harder on the sides of your face with a need to keep you there and never leave. You answered his kisses with the same ferocity, murmuring his name once you get the chance to. "Tj," yet, he was still kissing you like his life depended on it.

A hand on his chest and a slight push was all it took for him to give you a breather, he didn't even want to stop and probably wanted you to drown in his kisses. His other hand slipped down towards your hips, leaning in to give you more than just warm, hot kisses as he tried to gamble the idea of keeping you beside him by giving himself to you like you were a deity he ought to praise and believe in.

"It's not you, Tj. It's me," you breathed against his dewy, Crimson lips. He let out a loud huff and a snicker which showed his tight frown. "Fück!" your baby boy cussed out loud. Totally disappointed by the words you just said.

The latter took a step back to have his hands on his hips, walking back and forth as he was murmuring cusses to himself. He couldn't believe you just said that to him. It was certainly upsetting.  "Don't get started on that because that line is for a person who simply wants to break up with their boyfriend,"

His Cerulean eyes were piercing, his disappointment shooting straight towards your heart and you couldn't help but stutter as you find the right words to it. Sometimes, having a language barrier sucks big time and as of the moment, it really does sucks ass.

"Am I hearing you right?" Tj bellowed, spitting his words with animosity and his upset state was shocking you to say the least. "Are we on the same page right now? Or do you really want to break up with me?" his eyes was turning bloodshoot red. The urge inside of you, wanting nothing but to hug him tight again just like last night as you held him in your arms while you both slept was itching your nerves. Instinctively, you took a step forward to be in his arm reach but he was quick to stop you with a hand in front of him.

Tj's face morphed into a crestfallen state that actually broke your heart. Big time. "Go on! Leave me too!" he loudly declared, tightly gnawing on his lip till it turned red and swollen. Those next words that left his lips added stones on top of your heart, creating a numbing pain that could get your eyes visible with tears.

"Everybody does, Y/N. Everybody does."

Your baby boy spun against his heels, striding towards his back pack that was placed on a chair on your dining table and you were tailing behind him like a lost puppy. Tj was upset, clearly upset from your mistake. Technically, you didn't know what left your mouth and you swore to the heavens that you should've thought it through before saying it to him.

Life was always like that. It's either your regret never doing things or you regret it in the end. A lesson leaving with the experience you had.

"Tj--" you padded through the other side of the room to where he was, he shuffled in his place and had his back on you. You tried wooing him over, yet he wouldn't budge. Ignoring you in the process. "Tj! No, you got it all wrong, Sweetheart! Tj!" Y/N pleaded with desperation in her voice because she knew Tj at the back of her hand. This was the state where Tj shouldn't be left alone and broken. It was dangerous for him to be an island when his mind was in a pained world.

"No, no, no..no.." you murmured to yourself. Thoroughly hopeless of the fact that he was now walking away from you, bag in hand and with a grudge in his heart. "Baby, please..." Tears began cascading your face like waterfalls. Every step Tj took was giving his heart a pinch. More so when his fingers turned the knob of your door. A pleading holler was sent to him as he didn't saw the broken look on your face which could get him to give in.

"DON'T LEAVE ME, THOMAS!"

But, you were too late as the door was loudly shut.

You've made a mistake and now you were going to suffer from it.

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE LAST OF MY UPDATE THIS 2019. ADVANCE HAPPY NEW YEAR, TATER TOTS! FEEDBACKS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED EVEN AFTER THIS YEAR ENDS! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT! 

XOXO,  TATA

[iamartemisday]

Fake title: Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women. Jane Foster with any dangerous men you can think of 😉

Whoo okay! Totally didn’t forget about this I promise. 

SO. Jane is broken up with Thor and he’s off doing royal stuff with Valkyrie I guess. Darcy is on vacation with Ian. Erik is also on vacation. Thanos is stuck playing the world’s longest game of solitaire, so there’s no Snap happening any time soon. 

Point is, Jane’s on her own for a while. She’s doing okay. Eats regularly, sleeps semi-regularly, and works normal twelve-hour shifts Monday to Saturday. One Sunday afternoon, Jane was relaxing on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a movie on. Suddenly, there came a crash in her lab, followed by paper being shuffled around and what appears to be a male voice cursing in a language Jane doesn’t know. 

That alone would’ve given her pause and made her think something bad had happened, but then there’s the swirling vortex of doom that just opened up in her living room. It just sucked the TV out which pisses Jane off because she just got a Netflix subscription godammit. Now how is she going to watch Sense8?

Also, Loki has just come stumbling out of her lab. He looks like shit and there’s a suspicious wound on his forehead. The blood on his hands and knives doesn’t appear to be his, though.

“I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m doing here,” he says.

“Actually I’m wondering where that vortex goes to,” she says. Then she grabs her ‘In Case of Vortex of Doom’ travel bag and belly flops through the portal.

Loki blinks after her for a few seconds wondering why he’s even surprised. Logic says he should walk away, but being Loki says he should do as Loki does. And so, away he goes!

Meanwhile, in a random Brooklyn apartment, Bucky Barnes is toiling his Sunday away on the couch taking a nap. He’s in the middle of a rather nice dream when the portal opens and drops Jane on his living room floor. He is immediately up and ready.

“Who the fuck is that?” he demanded before realizing it was not HYDRA, an intruder, or a HYDRA intruder. He dropped the gun he grabbed out of ‘secret gun hiding spot no. 272′ and checked that his hair looked okay in the mirror. It looked like Sam had washed it with salt water taffy. Good enough. “Jane! I mean, hi Jane. How are you? Uh... didn’t expect to see you here.”

Loki came through as Jane dusted herself off, just in time for a new vortex to open up. “Hi, Bucky. I was just following this vortex. See you later.”

She jumped through again, leaving Loki and Bucky to blink after her. 

“Uh...” said Bucky.

Then a tentacle popped out of the vortex which Bucky instantly grabbed, allowing Loki to kill it with some fire. Then another tentacle came out. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another.

In the interest of brevity, it was a lot of tentacles, and once they were all gone, Bucky looked at the portal. “Jane went in there.”

Loki nodded. “Yes, she did.”

“Jane went in there and there are tentacle monsters in there.”

“Indeed.”

After a moment’s allowance for reality to sink in, the two men rush headfirst into the 4.5th dimension to seek Jane out. They find her surprisingly quickly, examining a flowering plant on a desolate space rock which periodically spits fluorescent dust out the stamen. 

Also, there are more tentacle monsters.

Also, she’s not alone.

“Don’t tell me,” Bucky says, helping Steve stave off the H.P. Lovecraft rejects. “Jane appeared at your place through a portal, then disappeared into another portal, then tentacle monsters attacked, then you jumped in after her because you like her and you need to protect the innocent.”

“Yes,” Steve says, blushing hard. “Except for the liking her part. I mean, I do like her, but not in that way, I like her in a different way sort of like-”

“Excuse me,” Loki steps in, blasting another tentacle monster into deep space, “I would like for us to get rid of these things before we argue.”

For once, everyone was in agreement with Loki, so they fight the monsters together to protect their dear lady.

“This thing is unreal. I wish I’d taken some botany classes so I could get a better idea of the physical makeup. Maybe if I take some samples and show them to one of my friends.”

“Great idea,” says Bucky, punching a hole through the last of the monsters just in time for a new portal to open. “Here’s a better one: run.”

Meanwhile, Sam Wilson was just finishing a cup of coffee when three tired warriors and one excitable astrophysicist land in his kitchen. He finishes his coffee and drops the mug in the sink for later. He shrugs. “I should be shocked, but I’m just not anymore.”

The next portal opens and off they all go. While Steve gets Sam up to speed they face their next threat: bird monsters on a planet in the Andromeda galaxy. The star patterns are super unique, and while her impromptu team of bodyguards decimates the bird monsters, Jane draws up a quick map. 

“This constellation is massive. It makes Ursa Major look like Crux. I’d need a whole week just to chart half of them. Maybe we could stay for-”

“NO!”

The next portal takes them to Clint Barton’s place. After allowing him to shoot a few arrows into Loki’s arms and legs, he follows them to the planet of the Alaskan Bullworms. Bruce tags along on their trek through the mountains of the abominable snow leopards, and finally, Tony leads the charge into the depths of the Alfheim sea. Also known as the place where the crab people with New Zealand accents live. 

Eventually, they find themselves on a planet with... *drumroll* humans! 

Or at least humanoid people, which after a hundred planets conveniently populated by ravenous monsters, is good enough.

Jane wanders into a junk shop and finds a nice mini-telescope, which can see a good thousand miles into the sky. 

“It would go for twenty anywhere else,” said the gold-toothed, snake-eyed man... type thing behind the counter. “For you, my dear, I’d let it go for nineteen.”

Bucky appears at her back, arm out and Soldier mode activated. “You sure about that price, pal?”

The vendor starts to sweat. “Uh... well maybe eighteen.”

Steve and Sam crowd him from both sides. “What was that?”

“S-sixteen?”

Loki appears from the shadows, red Jotunn eyes on full display. He gets right in the terrified man’s face. “Ten.”

“But-”

Ice forms on the counter. 

“Ten it is.”

Jane leaves happy with her purchase and the group walks around the shopping area for a while until a new portal pops up and they step straight into a purple-tinted planet populated by tiny eggplant looking aliens. 

“Oh thank goodness it finally worked,” said the lead eggplant in a voice like if helium did helium. “Great heroes, we have brought you here to request your assistance on a very important matter. You see, my people are under siege by a powerful warlord who wishes to enslave us and consume all our natural resources. Unfortunately, he has already attacked us once and it destroyed our communications network. We managed to get the portal generator fixed but our tracking system is still offline. That’s why you were so sporadically transported. I hope you can forgive us for any distress our incapacitation caused you.”

“We had to fight bird creatures,” says Sam. “Do you know how much bird shit I got on me?”

“Again we are terribly sorry. We hope this won’t negatively impact your ability to help us, it really is quite urgent.”

“Wait a minute,” says Steve, “you did all this just because you needed help?”

“Yes sir, we’ve heard stories of your exploits. The Avengers are known across several galaxies, and we knew you were just the ones we needed to save our civilization.”

“You couldn’t have just sent an email request?” Tony shouts. “We’ve been out here for days! I have a family at home.”

“So do I!” says Clint.

“I’ve been having fun,” says Bucky. Steve and Loki both nod as they stand noticeably closer to Jane than the rest. “It’s been a nice vacation.”

“We will happily return you once our enemy is defeated. We’ll be able to repair our trackers and get you back in a single jump. Dr. Foster, we were hoping you could help us.”

“Are you kidding?” Jane hisses, closing in on the tiny creature. “Of course I’m going to help. You have to show me how everything works here. This is the best week of my life, oh my god-”

Everyone facepalms. “This woman has no danger sense,” says Bruce. 

“She does,” Loki replies, “it simply reads ‘run to danger’ rather than away.”

Jane turns to her friends, arms crossed. “Come on, guys. Clearly, we’re here for a reason. These are innocent people who need our help. Are you really going to let them down?”

The assortment of heroes looks down in shame at even considering leaving. Jane turns to Loki.

“Are you really going to let your need to fuck shit up down?”

Loki looks down in shame at even considering leaving. 

Thus an amazing battle is waged against the forces of evil. The Avengers defeat the alien warlord, Loki fucks an incredible amount of shit up, Jane gets the tracker up and running after shutting it off and turning it back on, and the eggplant people are free to live another day.

Some time passes after everyone goes home. It’s another normal Sunday for Jane as she enjoys a good book in her favorite reading nook. 

Then a vortex of doom spits out the beaten remains of her old TV, crushing her new one. There goes her Hulu subscription. Loki appears out of her bathroom, singed and slightly burnt. He coughs.

“So I-”

“Here we go again!” Jane rushes through the portal with her new and improved ‘In Case of Vortex’ travel bag. 

Loki blinks after her.

“I think that was my line,” he mutters, and away he goes.

**

...I don’t even know.

[accio-spaceman]

VORTEX Magazine - Issue 122

(April 2019)

Download PDF version for FREE on the Big Finish website

Partners In Time

At last! The Doctor and Donna are back!

[Above Cover for “The Tenth Doctor Adventures Volume Three”, featuring (l-r, top-bottom) Catherine Tate, David Tennant, Jacqueline King, Bernard Cribbins, and two Judoon.]

The Doctor and Donna Noble are arguably one of the most popular Doctor and companion pairings ever, and their adventures in space and time continue in The Tenth Doctor Adventures Volume Three. David Tennant and Catherine Tate reprise their TV roles for a second run of audio adventures from Big Finish.

(Full Article Under Cut)

Producer David Richardson says: “I actually got very nervous in the weeks before recording, as I did on their previous box set. You are just so aware that you are going to be working with two of the biggest stars in this country, and you want them to have a brilliant time and for the whole thing to run smoothly.

“The night before recording I just told myself, forget the nerves, treat it like any other production and it will be great. And actually by the time David and Catherine arrived at Moat Studios, the nerves had totally evaporated.

“David and Catherine don’t behave like stars – they walked in as two normal people who get on with everyone. When you’re sitting having a cup of tea with David Tennant talking about The Avengers or whatever, you’re really just chatting to a lovely human being.”

It was director Ken Bentley’s first time directing David and Catherine, and before recording began he admitted to Vortex: “I’ve not had much time to think about it as we’ve been extremely busy through August and September. I only just managed to squeeze in the time to schedule it!

[Above (l-r) David Tennant and Catherine Tate]

“I’m like any fan, dying to hear what the Nobles, Wilf and The Doctor get up to. What a dream cast!” 

– Russell T Davies

“I always get excited about working on a new range. The bit I love the most about directing is working with actors, and to work with actors new to me is always something I look forward to.

“In my line of work it’s the rehearsal room and the recording studio where the magic happens, and it’s always a treat to watch professionals bringing roles to life.

“All actors work and respond differently. Part of my job is to quickly figure out how an actor likes to work so I can help make the recording go as smoothly as possible for them – and for everybody else. It’s a challenge I enjoy and I like to get it right. So it’s exciting for me to work with an entirely new team and to figure out what makes them tick.”

[Above Cover for “No Place” by James Goss, featuring (l-r) Bernard Cribbins, Catherine Tate, David Tennant, and Jacqueline King.]

The first story in the set is No Place by James Goss. Script editor Matt Fitton says: “We knew straightaway we could bring the wider Noble family into it by having Donna and Sylvia together, so we gave James that brief. It meant it had to be set on Donna’s contemporary Earth, since her mum isn’t aware of her space and time travel yet.”

Former Doctor Who showrunner Russell T Davies, creator of Donna, Sylvia and Wilf, tells Vortex: “I’m so excited about the return of the Noble family. I put in a request to Big Finish never thinking they’d actually pull it off. But, I might have known, they’re unstoppable! Marvellously, I haven’t heard the adventure myself yet, so I’m like any fan, dying to hear what the Nobles, Wilf and the Doctor get up to. What a dream cast!”

Jacqueline King was delighted to be back as Sylvia.

She says: “Since we finished on TV I’ve seen David a couple of times, and I keep in touch with Bernard because he’s so gorgeous! He and I did the quiz show Pointless. And Catherine was in a play which Bernard and I went to see together, so that was lovely. We’ve just not been all together so there was so much to catch up on. I felt desperately maternal towards Catherine, wanting to know how she was!

“I was very jealous that David and Catherine were going on to do more stories over the next couple of days without Bernard and myself. Bernard and I were joking, asking, How can you do that? That’s just disloyal!

“It was lovely, and if we could have carried on I would have but it was just one day. It would be heaven if we could do more!”

Matt continues: “James came back with this ‘haunted makeovers’ idea which was great, and as it was being developed we asked James to keep in mind a role for Wilf in case we were able to get Bernard Cribbins – perhaps just a cameo role. As it turned out we learned fairly early on that we could have Bernard for the whole day, so it all worked out perfectly and Wilf was fully included in the episode at the storyline stage.”

In a similar vein to what the TV show did at the time, No Place taps into the zeitgeist of what is currently popular on TV, which in this case brings in the feed of ghost and home makeover reality TV shows.

“If you’re a fan of either Buzzfeed Unsolved or Homes Under The Hammer you’ll find lots to love in this.” 

– James Goss

James explains: “Honestly, when you think about it most horror films are home makeover shows! Family moves into house on haunted graveyard. Tries to do it up. Ends up running away screaming/being dead/finds out they were always dead so probably shouldn’t have bothered wallpapering the downstairs bathroom. This was inspired by that. Imagining a horror film but with Kirsty Allsop following our screaming family about. And making the screaming family the Doctor, Donna, Sylvia and Wilf.

“If you’re a fan of either Buzzfeed Unsolved or Homes Under the Hammer you’ll find lots to love in this. We’ve got a ghostbox, we’ve got replacement light fittings, we’ve mysterious voices, we’ve endless discussions about plumbing. The one thing we couldn’t do was Hammer’s endless, appalling punning music track. (Presenter: ‘They really do love this hopeless place.’ Music: ‘We Found Love in a Hopeless Place’)!”

Producer David Richardson adds: “I’m struck by how creepy it all sounds. Some of the sequences in the old house are really unsettling even without any effects or music, which is a sure sign of how great the writing, performances and direction are.”

[Above Cover for “One Mile Down” by Jenny T Colgan, featuring (l-r) David Tennant, a Judoon, and Catherine Tate.]

One Mile Down by Jenny T Colgan continues the Doctor and Donna’s adventures when they find themselves in an underwater city and encounter the Judoon.

Matt continues: “In terms of using new series monsters, the Judoon are one of the most recognisable and the Tenth Doctor has some history with them, meeting them several times during his era.

“Because of what’s been established on screen there are certain monsters he’s meeting for the first time, but with the Judoon he knows what they’re about and how they work. They are not power-crazed evil monsters, they are mercenaries working for other people, and their agenda isn’t always immediately clear. It’s nice to have that bit of potential uncertainty – are they an ally? Are they a threat? We get to play with that in this story.”

“We have individuals in the Judoon ranks which we’ve touched on before. There’s the trainee, Klo, who starts to side with the Doctor and Donna, realising they can do some good during the story, which is a fun thing to play with.” The story’s setting lends itself to a good soundscape, with a city beneath the waves.

Matt explains: “In the TV episode Smith and Jones, the first thing we see the Judoon do is control the rain and send it upwards with their H2O scoop.

“That means we can make use of their technology which lends itself perfectly to an audio story.”

Of course, Donna has also encountered the Judoon on TV, and Matt adds: “Watching Donna in The Stolen Earth, we get a reaction from her to the Judoon, but when we checked with Russell he watched it back and felt there was no reason why Donna couldn’t have met them before.

“What’s clearly a surprise to her is the Doctor speaking Judoon, so we were very careful not to have him doing that in front of her.”

[Above Cover for “The Creeping Death” by Roy Gill, featuring (l-r) David Tennant, Catherine Tate, and Lauren Cornelius dressed in 1952 London period-costume, holding a torch.]

Concluding this series is The Creeping Death by Roy Gill.

David explains: “We asked the writers for short pitches – I think they might have sent in three ideas each. I’ve actually been keeping a list of things I want to see in a Doctor Who story, one of which was ‘The London Fog of 1952’, so it was a no-brainer when Roy pitched that one!”

Roy was delighted to be able to write for David Tennant, a fellow Scotsman, as well as Donna.

He admits it was: “Hugely exciting. They’re one of my Doctor Who dream teams, really. The Doctor and Donna are best friends, they’re fast and funny, they wind each other up but most importantly they make each other stronger and better. Their dialogue was a joy to write – and yes please, if the opportunity ever comes up, I absolutely want to do more!”

Roy travelled from his Edinburgh home to attend the recording at Moat Studios in London, and has plenty of happy memories from the sessions.

Roy adds: “Oh, loads! David asking, ‘Is that a Scottish accent?’ as soon as he met me – and then me kind of over-explaining where I’m from (sorry, David...). Catherine cracking up over her lines about ‘bad air’ and cheese and onion crisps… How quickly all the big, exciting scenes flew by in the recording booths.

“Stephen Critchlow talking over lunch about the classic Who he’d been watching with his daughter. Lauren Cornelius telling me she’d loved her character and the story so much that when she got the script she read it from cover to cover then immediately turned it over and read it again! Theo Stevenson saying he’d watched David Tennant’s Doctor when he was about 10 or 12. He was thrilled to be in a Doctor Who – making us all feel ancient!”

Producer David adds: “This story is brilliant! Just a character piece about a group of people lost in the fog and there’s something really nasty out there… David has some terrific speeches, Catherine gets to play out some lovely relationships with the guest characters, and the whole thing feels like it was on TV back in 2008.”

Director Ken Bentley was relieved when recording was complete after three successive days in studio – which Big Finish rarely do.

He explains: “It’s great to know we have a complete box set in the bag! These days availabilities are such that we’re squeezing in recordings as and when we can, sometimes over quite long periods of time. It’s rare to record three days straight and know you’ve got it all, but given the schedule we’re all on it’s a huge relief!”

“The whole thing feels like it was on TV back in 2008.” 

– David Richardson

Responsible for music and sound design is Howard Carter, who says: “I’ll usually go through and work out if there are any background or atmosphere tracks that reappear throughout the play, or any individual recurring effects (specific vehicles or weapons, for example). If so I will create these in advance and add them to the project library so they are ready to drag and drop in when I’m working. I’ll record the foley sound as I go and layer up all the relevant backgrounds and effects scene by scene. Once the full play is assembled I’ll send a draft off to the director and move on to the score.

“I will usually spend a couple of days scoring a play although if there’s more time I will always spend longer (I’m a composer by trade!). At this point I know the play well so will have a sense of the mood, style and pacing.

“If I’m working on a completely new play I’ll create a template and start adding instruments and sounds as I see fit in order to start with a completely fresh palette. Every play is different so I don’t have one fixed approach. There are scene breaks which usually need a cue, and there are sometimes musical directions in the script, but otherwise a lot of the process is instinctive. A play may need a lot of music to keep energy levels up and maintain a sense of pace, or it may need the music to really take a background role and just glue certain elements together. Each one is unique.”

– VORTEX Magazine, Issue 122, Pages 4-8

THE TENTH DOCTOR ADVENTURES VOLUME THREE IS OUT IN MAY ON CD AND DOWNLOAD.

The Tenth Doctor Adventures Volume Three is out in May on CD and Download.

The special edition release comes complete with exclusive production notes, storyboards from Mike Tucker and costume designs from June Hudson.

For full details visit www.bigfinish.com .

(Edited to include Lauren Cornelius’ name in the image description of “The Creeping Death” cover.)

[belgrade25]

The Swamp Map Ch.2

Chapter 1

To their delight, the edge of the swamp came into view in less than an hour of their turtle walking.

The signal bars on Cordelia’s smartphone also came back. As expected, she had several missed calls and messages from both the Mayor's office and Zoe. But kicking them off the priority pyramid, she called a cab in order to find their car.

When they returned to the comfort of their car at last, it was beginning to drizzle.

Folding the rear seats flat, they both lay among shopping bags. Misty salvaged her blueberry bagels and finished one within half a minute.

Cordelia kicked her swamp shoes off. The sound of the rain against the car roof was too hypnotizing. “Maybe we should camp out here. I can’t drive home.”

Misty said something unintelligible with another bagel in her mouth. But Cordedelia got the general message as Misty pushed one of her bagels into her hand. She watched Misty gulp orange juice out of its container.

“Satisfied?” Cordelia said with a grin.

Misty took a deep breath and lay her head near Cordelia’s knees. “I'm too full. I think I'm gonna be sick.”

“You might as well have swallowed three bagels in one go. Perhaps a little exercise would do you good. How about a casual walk to the shack?” Cordelia only meant it as a joke.

But Misty looked up with expectant gleam in her eyes. “Can we, please? I was half about to give up, but if you are in--”

“Hold on. Really? It's raining outside.”

“That’s what umbrellas are for.” Misty folded the seats up to grab two huge umbrellas from the underseat compartment.

Cordelia threw an uneasy look at the discarded mud-caked shoes. “How about we come back tomorrow, when it’s sunny? What's so urgent about it anyways, right?”

Misty's fingers fiddled with the hem of one of the umbrellas, however. “Welp, I have some stuff that I want to get.” She looked at Cordelia. “I'll go by myself. You rest in the car, I'll go and come back in a flash. So . . . can you just drive to our usual entrance?”

And there went that signature pleading look that she knew Cordelia couldn't say no to. She had no choice but to relent. They drove to the familiar part of the swamp, driving as deep in as the muddy ground allowed the tires to.

Misty grabbed a whole bag of her sesame bagels.

“I thought you were full,” Cordelia said.

“I am now. But I’m not going without food. Who knows I might actually walk through a portal this time?”

As Misty got out of the car, Cordelia followed with her soiled swamp shoes back on.

“You can stay,” Misty said. “It won't take long. I promise.”

“Well, it's the job of the Supreme to make sure you won’t accidentally disappear into another dimension.”

In truth, she would choose to strain her body if it meant she could spend another second with Misty. Even in the rain. It wasn’t a secret. And Misty’s gratified smile told that she wasn’t oblivious to it, either.

--

The rain got harsher when they were halfway to the shack. Misty sang any Fleetwood Mac songs that had the slightest association with rain and storms. The umbrellas almost served no function. By the time they arrived, the only dry parts of their bodies were the top of their heads.

Cordelia made a beeline for the bathroom and turned on the faucet to make a bath. The hot water seeped through her to the bone. She resisted the temptation to take off her drenched clothes and step into the tub. With a bath towel on her shoulders and another in her hand, she returned to the main room.

Misty was rummaging through her chest, still in her wet dress. The clothes clung to her skin, presenting the accentuated curves to Cordelia.

Averting her eyes, Cordelia started a fire in the fireplace with a flick of her hand. “Misty, come get changed. You’ll catch a cold.” She walked to the dresser and grabbed new clothes for both of them. “Misty, please.”

“Coming.” Misty scurried to the bed, where Cordelia had put her change of clothes.

“What were you doing?”

Misty patted her hair dry with the towel. “A thing.”

Cordelia raised her brow but said nothing. Instead, she turned her back on Misty in order to take her clothes off. “The bath will be ready soon,” she said so she had a different thing to focus on. “The nice, warm bath of your dreams.”

The only response Misty gave was an absent-minded hum.

Though it baffled Cordelia, she refused to turn around. She instead returned to the bathroom to turn the water off.

“Misty, the bath,” she said, walking back into the main room. But her expression grew perplexed as she saw Misty, still drenched, back at the chest again, pulling miscellaneous things out and spreading them across the mattress. “What are all these?”

Misty looked up. “Ummm, things?”

“Yeah, I didn't think they were animals.” She tried to sound sarcastic, if not stern, but her lips curled into a smile.

Misty wore a similar smile. “Depends on the definition of what an animal is.”

“Misty, please take a bath.”

“In a sec. I just need to . . .” She didn’t bother to finish the sentence for Cordelia.

That switched the Mother Mode on in Cordelia, which was usually reserved for the small girls at the academy.

“Those things won't disappear on their own, Misty. Or are they somehow more important than your own health?”

Her eyes scanned the objects. “They are, actually.”

“Oh--” Cordelia frowned. “What, are they gifts from Stevie or something?” Sitting down on the mattress, she played with some rings and necklaces that lay there.

“No. I collected them myself.” As she spoke, water dripped from the tip of her curls and trailed down her arm.

Cordelia couldn’t hide her unimpressed grimace. “Misty, I’m sure you cherish them, but objects should never be prioritized over your health. The bath. Go.”

“You go first.” Misty returned to digging through her chest. “I need to”--Her body shivered--”put them in a bag to take home. But, a bag . . . I don’t know if I have one.”

It was hardly the first time Misty let her passion consume her and render her blind to her surroundings. In usual cases, such an innocent relationship with curiosity pulled at the heartstrings of Cordelia. She would do anything to preserve it, keeping it as pure as her soul. But Misty’s teeth clattered as she walked around the room, and that was the last string for Cordelia.

“I’m the goddamn Supreme. My immune system is much stronger than yours, Misty Day.”

Misty span around with alarm clear in her eyes.

“I may have concoctions for a cold, but they are not to be wasted for something so preventable. I’ll say this one last time. Go take a bath. Now, or I will take your clothes off myself--” As the last sentence left her mouth, she heard how it sounded and tightened her lips.

Inside her appeared a vortex of awkwardness and guilt for using her Supreme voice to Misty. She found it unbearable to look Misty in the eye. How would she react? With fear for the Supreme or with a teasing laugh? Cordelia didn’t know which outcome would ease this wild vortex.

The following silence told her that Misty  equally didn't have a clue. For some moments, she stayed motionless before going to the bathroom at last.

Cordelia dried their clothes in front of the fire while she waited. Her face grew painfully hot. It had nothing to do with what had slipped out of her mouth earlier, she told herself.

Afterwards, she found plastic bags in the cupboard. The collection of Misty’s things on the bed looked nothing strange at first glance. Accessories, a book of short stories, socks, scarves-- Cordelia raised her brow. Misty never liked the claustrophobic feeling of socks and scarves and strictly maintained her stance despite Cordelia’s countless persuasion. On closer look, the accessories also seemed slightly different from her usual style. And when her eyes caught a brand-new mortar and pestle, a new question arose.

It was when Misty came back. She looked warm, sheepish, and uncertain.

Cordelia offered a smile to ease the tense air, holding out the plastic bags. “Are these bags okay for your stuff?”

Nodding, Misty sat down on the mattress. “I’m very sorry for being childish earlier, Miss Cordelia.”

Childish wasn’t the exact word she herself would use, but Cordelia nodded nonetheless. “Me, too. I didn’t mean any of what I said. Of course, I’ll take care of you if you get sick.”

“I know.” Misty met her eyes and smiled. “But, Miss Cordelia, I don’t want you to think I’d so easily put myself at risk for any ordinary materialistic things. I’m not educated, but I’m not stupid.”

“I never think you stupid.”

Misty dropped her gaze. “They are important.”

“I know.”

“They are for you. For your birthday.”

“Oh--” Cordelia’s mind went blank. “My birthday is in february.” She wished she could have a better response than that. Her stupid mind had no business making her sound so callous.

“Not for that one,” Misty said. “I haven’t thought what I’m going to get for your next birthday. But these ones”--She grabbed the mortar and pestle--“are for the birthday I missed last year. You said your pestle was getting old.” Her hands reached for the other things, pulling them closer. “And them. Well, you know how indecisive I could be. I couldn’t possibly pick just one. Then, I realized last year isn’t technically the only birthday of yours that I missed. There are the ones you had before I met you, right?”

In complete awe, Cordelia started down at the ocean of gifts.

“It's quite a loophole if I may say so myself.” Misty wore a proud smile. “I was going to give them to you at home. I’m still short, though. Kinda running out of ideas.” Her inquisitive eyes looked into Cordelia's. “I hate to do this, but any suggestions?”

But Cordelia still failed to find her voice.

“Anything you want? I can't buy you a diamond or anything costly, but maybe a dress--”

She couldn't contain her emotion any longer. She wrapped her arms around Misty's neck. As tears spilled out of her eyes, all the memories of her past birthdays came back flooding her. Ever since her childhood, birthday was never a celebratory occasion. If anything, it reminded her how lonely she was in the world, how unlovable and unneeded.

“You're enough,” she said in Misty's curls. “You're everything I need and want.”

“You have me every day of the year, silly. It’s nothing special.”

Cordelia shook her head, nuzzling deeper into her neck. “But I didn’t for a long time. Sometimes, I get scared because you could be snatched out of my life anytime, and I’d be alone again like I have always been.”

“Hey, hey--” Misty made their bodies separate, cupping her wet cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? As long as you need me-- Hell, even if there comes a time when you don’t need me anymore--”

“That’s implausible.”

Misty smiled. “Then, we got nothing to worry about, yeah?”

Wiping her tears away, Cordelia returned the smile as best as she could. “I’m sorry. What I wanted to say was that you’ve taught me the happiness I’d never known. And if all my shitty life before you was an inevitable prerequisite for this life with you in it, then, I would go through it all over again.”

“No need to,” Misty said. “I would’ve found you either way.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

It was unclear who leaned in first. But Cordelia couldn’t care less when Misty pressed her lips against her own with equal zeal. Her eyes threatened to well up again. She traced Misty’s jawline with her fingers, and it was the most angelic sight in the world.  

Misty’s dreamy eyes stared at her lips. “Your lips are cold.”

Before she got to regulate her breathing, Cordelia burst out laughing.

[kokichi-and-co-imagine-blog]

!!!!!! V3 LIS AU !!!!! KAEDE AS PROTAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Now you’re speaking my language! 

Granted, I haven’t gotten to play any of the most recent game because my computer is kinda crappy, but I can definitely do some sweet original LIS content for you! If you haven’t played LiS for some reason yet and you want to get into it,

I highly recommend waiting on reading this. (If you want me to do other parts and other episodes, let me know. I probably won’t write for this again unless people really REALLY like this.)

I’m also going to make it a talent swap just for Kaede- instead of being the ultimate pianist, she’s going to be the ultimate photographer.

Day 7: Kaede’s Life is Hella Strange: Chrysalis

Kaede was trying to listen to her lecture, but just couldn’t bring herself to do so. After such a weird vision that felt so real, she couldn’t just ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. She wasn’t quite sure if she had just dreamed that up, or if she was getting some serious premonitions, but it wasn’t sitting with her well.

Koizumi was a great teacher. Probably the crowning jewel of Kibougamine Academy, and she was excited to have such a skilled photographer teaching her class. You wouldn’t expect it from the students sitting in her class though- some were hassling poor Shuichi, the most timid person in the room for something that had happened to him over the weekend, while Kokichi played on a little device, yet somehow paid attention to every word out of Koizumi’s mouth.

“…Shh, keep that to yourself. Seriously though, I could frame any one of you in a dark corner, and capture you in a moment of desperation. And any one of you could do that to me. Isn’t that too…” Koizumi continued on, leaning on a table and playing with her tie. 

Kaede glanced over at her camera, picking it up gingerly. The weight in her hands had become comforting to her, and she couldn’t help but sigh happily. She loved her polaroid camera, finding it silly how she could love such an old camera despite there being so many new models out there, but she couldn’t help it. She got it right before she had moved away from Arcadia Bay, and she wondered if that camera was what brought her back. Feeling a great urge to use it, she took a selfie that she hoped would be underneath everyone’s radar.

It most certainly wasn’t.

“Shh, I believe Kaede has taken what you kids call a ‘selfie’…” Koizumi said, shifting her weight as she stood up. it wasn’t every day that Miss Koizumi would get such a stern look on her face, and Kaede couldn’t help but gulp at the consequences. “A dumb word for a wonderful photographic tradition. And Kaede… has a gift.”

She knew where this was going. She knew that Miss Koizumi was just moments a way from asking some question that was bound to be in the reading. Probably something having to do with her selfie? The process? She knew what it was called, but she wasn’t ready to be put on the spot for her actions.

“…  and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that gave birth to the first self-portraits?” Koizumi asked, calmly waiting for an answer to stumble out of Kaede’s mouth.

“I… I…” She started. The Daguerreian Process. just say it, she thought.

“You either know this, or not, Kaede!” Koizumi slammed her hand on the desk, a sigh following the action. “Is there anyone in here who actually knows this stuff?”

“Louis Daguerre was a French painter who created “daguerreotypes”, a process that gave portraits a sharp reflective style, like a mirror,” Kokichi piped up, turning to Kaede’s table she was sitting alone at. “Now you’re toooootally stuck in the retro zone! Sad face.” He leaned back contentedly when he heard a few people laugh at his comment.

“Jeez, was it that hard to read the book for the information? The Daguerreian Process brought lots of detail to people’s faces. You guys would know if you had actually read about it or looked it up online, but we can thank Robert Cornelius for the first American self-portrait.” The bell rang before she could continue her lecture, and people started trying to file out of the room. She was calling to them about the Everyday Heroes contest, which was a big deal for them- the winner got to fly out to San Francisco with Miss Koizumi, and be featured in an art gallery of other winners across the country.

Kaede got up slowly, stretching a bit as she did. She would’ve normally just immediately left the room so she could have a bit of alone time, but her eyes landed on Shuichi, who was still sitting alone at his desk, scribbling something illegible onto the paper. With a tap on his shoulder, he jumped a bit only to let himself calm down when he saw Kaede’s patient face smiling at him.

“Oh, hey Kaede. Did you need something from me?” He asked, turning his body to face her. She stopped, and looked over at the concerning doodles that were surrounding his notes. She made a mental note to keep an eye on him.

“I was just thinking that maybe we should grab tea or something? You can tell me all about the dazzling life of Shuichi Saihara, and we can maybe play games or something!”

“Oh, uh,” He started, taking his hat in his hands, “I’m gonna be a bit busy for the next couple of days, so I don’t believe that I could find the time. Maybe on Friday, though?” He bit his lip, eyes falling to the floor as he waited for a response. Kaede gave him a small nod and patted his shoulder gently.

“Yeah. that would be fun.”

With that, Shuichi went back to writing whatever he was before, and she was a step away from the door when Koizumi called her over to the desk where Kokichi was leaning over, giving his usual smile.

“Ohhhh, she totally called you out! I wonder what you did!” He nudged Kaede playfully, waiting for her to shrug off the contact. She didn’t seem to pay much mind about what he was doing, so he simply crossed his arms and waited for her conversation with Miss Koizumi to be done.

“I hate to pull a future star photography’s attention away from whatever she was off to do, but we need to talk about the contest. You haven’t submitted a photo yet,” she explained, motioning to a pile of pictures that the students who’ve already turned in sat upon. Kaede gave a nervous smile, shrugging a little bit.

“i just want to make sure I have the right shot for it. I can’t send in a piece I’m not proud of, right?”

“While that’s true, time is ticking, Kaede. You have a fever to take pictures, but the world won’t stop for that perfect shot, okay? Keep that in mind. I’ll see you in class tomorrow, hopefully with a picture.” With that, she turned back to Kokichi, talking about some big project he was working on. Kaede left the class, looking at all her classmates going about their daily lives. With some classical music to accompany her on the way to the bathroom, she walked through the hallway.

The bathroom was empty when she went in, and it was almost eerie how quiet it was. Sure, she was just trying to go to the bathroom to splash her face with water, but life wasn’t going to let things go by that easy for her.

Looking at her original photo she took for the contest, she tore it in half, letting it lay on the ground pitifully. She was about to walk out of the bathroom and call it at that, but a blue butterfly flew in, landing gracefully on the edge of a bucket behind the stall doors. She walked over to it, getting as close as she thought would be ok for the butterfly before snapping a picture. She took the picture as it came out of her polaroid, letting it dry for a moment before storing it safely. 

The door suddenly opened, and angry footsteps echoed in the room. Peeking from behind the stalls, Kaede recognized it as Miu.

“Chill out, Miu, you’ve got this. Just- fuckin’- count to three or whatever– don’t be such a pussy, you could have all the pigs in the school grovel at your feet, you’re the boss,” She babbled mercilessly as she gripped the sink she stood at tightly, her feet wide apart as she leaned forward. It wasn’t long before Kaede heard the door to the bathroom open up once again, calm footsteps following.

“Wow, didn’t know that the globetrotter would actually show up. What a surprise!” Miu challenged, moving towards who it was. Soft green hair was prevalent in the mirror, along with a blue striped shirt that went to about the elbows. The creaking of the bathroom doors had Kaede gulp as quietly as she could muster.

“I don’t suppose you checked the perimeter, as my father would say.” The voice was slightly gruff and low, surprising Kaede. In the girls’ bathroom? Really? “Time to talk about the problem between us, yeah?” The male turned away at the last stall. He moved up to where Miu was still gripping the sink like a lifeline and leaned over, peering at her coldly.

“Get fucked, I got nothing for you, you damn jiggalo!”

“Really? I could’ve sworn that you had money for me.” the voice pried a bit more, the guy leaning closer.

“I-I don’t have shit like that, you’re thinking of my family, dumbass!”

“Aw, is the poor little rich kid going to cry? I know quite well how you work, selling the shady crap you do to the vortex club. I wonder what it’d be like if I went to your oh-so respectable family and told them about how their prized daughter was-”

“Leave them out of this, dick!” Miu spat.

“Oh, that hurt, huh? Then imagine when I tell your prized Vortex Club that you were in here whining and throwing a fit like a pig in heat.” The guy seemed to have more to say, but he was cut off at the sight of a sleek revolver that Miu had pulled out of nowhere. Pushing the guy up to the wall, he seemed helpless as he looked down at her with worried green eyes. He slowly lifted his hands to show he wouldn’t harm her, only to have the gun jammed into his gut.

“You messed with the wrong gorgeous girl genius, pencil-dick!” She hissed, poison lacing her voice.

“Where did you… why did you bring a gun to school? Look, I don’t think you get it, I don’t want to ha-” The man was cut off by a hand to the throat, his breath hitching.

“Don’t ever fuck with me, jackass! I’m absolutely FUCK-ALL pissed that people think they can control me!”

“You’re gonna ge-t in more trouble f… for this than dumb drugs-” The man strained, a hand wavering away from its position to get her hand off his neck.

“No one would even MISS your punk ass, would they, Guac?”

“Put the fucking gun down, psycho!” Rantaro ripped her hand off, and was about to kick her off when she let the trigger go. A loud bang rang throughout the bathroom, and Kaede watched as his body slowly fell to the ground, the life draining from his eyes. She stepped out from behind the stalls, reaching out to him.

“NO!!” Kaede screeched, seeing Miu’s head slowly snap to her. She didn’t get a chance to before everything started reversing so quickly, and all of a sudden-

Kaede lifted her head from the desk, her eyes quickly darting around the room. She was back in Miss Koizumi’s classroom.

“… Shh, keep that to yourself. Seriously though, I could frame any one of you in a dark corner-” Kaede didn’t need to hear anymore to realize this was the same lecture from before. Looking at Shuichi who looked as though he was being hassled again she bit her lip and turned to Kokichi. He was playing with some Tamagatchi that was making an absurd amount of noise. A particular beep caught her off guard, and her camera fell to the ground, shattering. Kaede cursed to herself, but decided she should test something out.

 Wanting to see if what happened was just a dream, she looked at her right hand curiously before extending it out. Slowly, the words Miss Koizumi had said earlier reversed, and the beeps of Kokichi’s device were playing back. The camera eventually pieced back together and found its way back onto her desk. When she pulled her arm back, it was as though nothing had happened. Shuichi was being messed with once again, and Kokichi was playing with the little device. Kaede reached a shaky hand out to her camera, needing to do the final test to see if whatever she had was real.

The click of her camera and the shushing of Miss Koizumi came back, causing a chill to run down Kaede’s back. She started to panic, wondering if she could stop the poor guy from dying in the bathroom. All she had to do was answer Miss Koizumi’s question right, and wait for a few more seconds, and things would be okay. She took a deep breath, waiting for the actual question to come up.

“…  and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that-”

“The Daguerreian Process,” Kaede said quickly, not letting the teacher finish her statement. She looked just as shocked as Kaede did at her outburst, and Kokichi snickered.

Well, um, that’s right. Good job, Kaede. The Daguerreian Process made portraiture hugely popular, mainly because it gave the subjects clear defined features. You can learn more when you actually finish reading the assigned chapters. Kaede is so far, way ahead of everybody.” Miss Koizumi looked a little relieved that someone had been paying attention to her lectures and reading along with them.

The bell rang, and Kaede quickly made sure Shuichi knew that tea was on the table before darting out of the class, ignoring Miss Koizumi’s calls. She shoved some people, apologizing as she did so. She opened up the door to the girls bathroom dramatically, remembering that Miu didn’t show up until she took the picture of that butterfly. To prep for it, Kaede quickly went over to where the fire alarm was, breaking the glass. She returned to the sink where she splashed water on her face. 

Tearing the picture she had originally took seemed to cause the butterfly fluttering in, landing on the bucket. She hesitantly walked up, snapping the picture. Just as it had happened before, Miu came in, clutching the sink. The guy came in. They bickered, and Kaede got anxious listening to it all over again. Miu unveiled the gun once again, pinning the guy to the wall while choking him.

“No one would even MISS your punk ass, would they, Guac?”

Kaede couldn’t let time happen the way it did before. With her hand that wasn’t shaking quite as much, she hit the fire alarm as hard as possible. It rang out through the building, making Miu lose her grip on the guy. Thinking quickly, he kneed her, causing her to sputter and clutch her stomach.

“Don’t you ever touch me again!” the guy barked before booking it out of the bathroom. Miu quickly looked at the ground as she was wincing, her eyes lingering on something on the tiles. Her eyes went dark as she hid the gun, scrambling to the door herself.

“Another fuckin’ shitty day,” She mumbled, closing the door behind her. Kaede was left in the bathroom, facing the crazy reality that was confronting her at that very moment. She knew she shouldn’t be staying in because that would look suspicious, but she couldn’t help it.

I just saved someone’s life.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Mystery Spot- Part 1

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,229

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual, major character death

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

No soul… no feelings… no humanity… over and over again you kept hearing those words pound through your head, giving you nightmares. You couldn’t imagine yourself without your feelings, your emotions. It’s what made you, you. You couldn’t imagine Dean as a demon, hurting and killing people. It’s not who he is.

Dean could take the nightmares away but he couldn’t take away this one. Every time you closed your eyes, all you could see was yourself with those evil eyes, laughing at other people’s pain. It wasn’t who you were and it wasn’t right. You knew one thing for sure, you weren’t letting yourself get that way. But the one thing you couldn’t understand was why Dean dreamed you like that? You weren’t even mad about the whole Lisa thing. You didn’t care about that. You cared about how he portrayed you. That wasn’t your dream so why were you like that?

Lips on your neck and cheek were what woke you up. You could faintly hear Asia’s Heat of the Moment playing in the background. You moaned softly and your eyes fluttered open. You stared into green eyes, beautiful green eyes that you’ll miss once he’s gone. You smiled at him and he pecked your lips before sitting up and grabbing his shoes. You looked over at the other bed to see Sam still sleeping.

“Morning sweetheart!” Dean said cheerily, lacing up his right boot.

“You’re cheery considering what happened a few days ago.” You said, sitting up and eyeing him suspiciously.

“Nah, that was nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Dean said with a shrug.

“But I would really like to talk to you about what we went through…” you trailed off but Dean was having none of it.

“There isn’t anything to talk about. Okay?” Dean terminated the conversation. He reached over to the radio that was playing the song and turned it up loud, jerking Sam awake. Sam shot his eyes opened and sat up in bed, looking at his brother who was typing up his other boot. You smiled and waved at Sam before getting out of bed yourself.

“Rise and shine, Sammy!” Dean yelled happily.

“Dude, Asia?” Sam chuckled, recognizing the song immediately.

“Come on. You love this song and you know it.” Dean winked.

“Yeah, and if I ever hear it again I'm gonna kill myself.” That only made Dean turn it up louder.

“What? Sorry, couldn't hear you.” Dean said, making Sam laugh. Dean started bopping his head to the sing, pointing at Sam as he mouthed the chorus of the song. You watched in amusement, going to the bathroom to brush your teeth. There was a small case going on that could have been given to another hunter but Sam decided that he wanted to take it even though Bela was out there with the Colt. You hoped that she didn’t sell it. You needed to focus on finding her but then again, if she didn’t want to be found, she wouldn’t.

Dean got up and joined you in the bathroom, kissing your cheek as he grabbed his toothbrush. You smiled, liking this side of Dean because you rarely saw it. Sam knew it was time to get out of bed and when he did, he walked into the bathroom. Since you and Dean were brushing your teeth, he may as well do it too. When you were done, you rinsed out the toothpaste but stopped when Dean gargled loudly and for a long time. You and Sam looked at him but he just tried to smile and continued to gargle the water in his mouth.

“You’re an ass.” You said while you walked out of the room. Dean laughed as he spits out the water, letting Sam finish on his own.

“You love it,” Dean smirked, going over to his duffel bag. You grabbed clothes and changed into them, not caring if Sam was in the room. You were only changing your pants and shirt and knew Sam’s seen you in worse before. Sam walked out of the bathroom and grabbed his clothes, bringing them into the bathroom so he could change.

“So, wanna get breakfast? I saw a diner down the street from us.” You suggested and Dean nodded, excited to get food in his stomach. Sam agreed from inside the bathroom and you walked over to the radio and shut it off, right in the middle of the song.

“That’s enough Asia for one morning.” You chuckled and Sam walked out of the bathroom before putting his pajamas in his bag.

“Alright, ready when you guys are.” He stated. Dean reached into his duffel only to pull out one of your black bras.

“This yours?” He asked with a smirk.

“Like I said, ass.” He chuckled and put the bra back in his bag before taking out his gun.

“Bingo,” He said, putting it behind his jeans. It was sad how you had to carry a gun around everywhere because you knew you would need it in case you got attacked by monsters. You grabbed your gun and did the same thing. “Now who's ready for some breakfast?”

You and the brothers left the motel room and walked to the diner. It was a small one but it looked comfy and so you walked in first, smelling good food. Your eyes landed on the cashier giving a dirty old man some change.

“Drive safely now, Mr. Pickett.” The cashier said and the old man grumbled as he walked past you and out of the building. A bell ran through the place, the cook sticking his head out of the little window that he could hand the food through to the waitresses.

“Order up!” The cook said, chiming the bell. You walked to the back and grabbed a booth, sliding in first with Dean sliding in next to you and Sam across from you.

“Can’t stay unless you order something, Cal. You know the rules.” A waitress said from behind the bar. You looked over to see a man sitting there. He didn’t look so good and you didn’t know if he was homeless or not.

“Some coffee,” Cal said and passed the waitress some change. It was only a little bit enough for the waitress to give him a cup.

“Hey, Tuesday. Pig in a poke.” Dean smiled, noticing a poster on the wall that displayed the specials for the day.

“You even know what that is?” Sam asked which made you giggle. The waitress from behind the bar walked over to your table and you looked at her name tag: Doris.

“You folks ready?” She asked with a pad in her hands.

“Yes. I'll have the special, side of bacon and a coffee.” Dean said with a smile.

“Make it two coffees and a short stack,” Sam added.

“I’ll have a short stack and apple juice.” You smiled at her and she chuckled as she wrote that down.

“You got it.” She said, leaving the table.

“You’re a child sometimes,” Dean said, smiling at you.

“Hey, don’t hate.” You giggled.

“I'm telling you, Sam, this job is small fry. We should be spending our time hunting down Bela.” Dean sighed.

“Okay, sure, let's get right on that. Where is she again?” Sam sassed.

“He has a point.” You stated.

“Shut up,” Dean grumbled.

“Look. Believe me, I want to find her as bad as you do. In the meantime, we have this,” Sam said, pulling out some papers from his jacket. He laid them out on the table and immediately, you and Dean got into business.

“Alright, so, this professor…?” Dean said, looking at some of the papers. You looked at the paper he grabbed and read the headline: MISSING - DEXTER HASSELBACK LAST SEEN IN BROWARD, FLORIDA.

“Dexter Hasselback was passing through town last week when he vanished,” Sam explained.

“Where was he seen last?” You asked.

“His daughter says he was on his way to visit the Broward County Mystery Spot,” Sam said, sliding over a flyer to the Mystery Spot place. You grabbed it and looked through it, stopping at a line that stood out to you.

“Where the laws of physics have no meaning.” You looked up and Sam shrugged, not knowing exactly what it means. Doris came over with the tray of food and two coffees and an apple juice. She set down the food and then the drinks before reaching for the hot sauce.

“Two coffees, black, and some hot sauce for the—” She said but was interrupted as the hot sauce fell off the tray and smashed on the floor. You jumped at the noise and saw the sauce all over the floor. You gasped and looked at Doris who cursed.

“Crap. Sorry,” She apologized, looking behind her. “Cleanup!”

After eating the delicious meal, you walked out of the diner after paying for it and looked at your surroundings. As you passed by a dog that was chained to a bike post while its owner was inside the store, it started barking at you three. Dean snatched the Mystery Spot flyer from Sam’s hand and looked at it.

“Sam, joints like this are only tourist traps, right? I mean, you know, balls rolling uphill, furniture nailed to the ceiling… they're only dangerous to your wallet.” Dean sighed.

“Okay, look, I'm just saying, there are spots in the world where holes open up and swallow people. The Bermuda Triangle, uh, the Oregon Vortex…” Sam was cut off by Dean.

“Broward County Mystery Spot?”

“Hey, it doesn’t hurt to check out, Dean.” You said, looking at the brothers.

“Alright, so if it is legit, and that's a big-ass if, what's the lore?” Dean asked, looking at Sam for the answer. Before he could say anything, Dean ran into a blonde girl carrying a stack of papers.

“Excuse me.” She said before walking away.

“The lore's pretty fucking nuts, actually. They say these places, the magnetic fields are so strong that they can bend spacetime, sending victims no one knows where.” Sam answered Dean’s question.

“Sounds a little X-Files to me,” Dean said. You walked down the street and passed by two movers trying to get a big ass desk that clearly wasn’t going to fit through the tiny ass door they were trying to get it through.

“Told you it wouldn't fit.” The first mover said.

“What do you want, a Pulitzer?” The other mover snapped. You shook your head and moved passed them, not caring about their drama.

��Alright, look, I'm not saying this is really happening, but if it is, we gotta check it out, see if we can do something,” Sam said.

“Ah, Sam, always the helper.” You joked and he chuckled.

“Alright, alright, we'll go tonight after they close, get ourselves a nice long look,” Dean said, deciding for the group.

As it grew dark, you and the Winchesters walked to the Mystery Spot tourist place and waited as Dean picked the lock. You held yours and his flashlight as he worked, giving him his flashlight when he opened the door. You walked in and looked at the green and black lines on the wall. You turned around to close the door and noticed those lines was actually a spiral. You turned back around to see Sam with his EMF reader out.

You walked ahead of them and looked at the ceiling which contained a table, lamp, and an ashtray what was hanging from the ceiling. It was as if you were walking on the ceiling.

“Wow, uncanny,” Dean said, talking about the thing you were looking at.

“Find anything, Sam?” You asked him who was in another room. He sighed and held up the unresponsive EMF reader.

“No.” You sighed but moved to another part of the place when you were startled by an unknown voice.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You and the brothers turned around to see an older man, probably the owner. However, he was holding a shotgun at the three of you.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. We can explain.” Dean said but the man pointed his gun at Sam.

“You robbing me?” He asked, determined not to let it happen even though you weren’t going to.

“Look, nobody's robbing you, calm down,” Sam said, moving forward but the owner cocked the gun which caused Sam to freeze.

“Don’t move!”

“Just putting the gun down,” Dean said but the owner pointed the gun at Dean and shot him right in the chest. Dean gasped and fell to the ground, blood coming out of his mouth.

“No! Dean!!” You yelled, rushing to him and getting on your knees. Dean struggled to breathe and you got tears, letting them fall.

“What the hell did you do?” You yelled at the owner and Sam knelt on the other side of Dean.

“I—I didn't mean to—” the owner stuttered.

“Call 911!!” You yelled at him. He nodded and left your side. You turned back to Dean who coughed up blood.

“No, Dean, don’t close your eyes. Stay with us,” you panicked, looking at Sam for help. Suddenly Dean went still and you gasped, your tears falling on their own accord. His eyes closed and he stopped breathing.

“Dean!!!” You cried in pain, not believing this was happening.

Dean was dead.

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth @amyisabellal @deanwnchstr  @caseykitten6  @roxalya19 @quixoticcat @supernaturalblogging @notmoose45  @crowleysminion @mina22 @tahbehonest @oreosatmidnight  @seninjakitey @flyonlittlewinchester  @earthtokace  @gingersnapped13 @superrandomnatural @my-wayward-heroes  @stevetrevorstardis @supernaturallover2002 @teamfreewillsstuff  @gucci-daddario @22sarah08 @gh0stgurl @put-my-favorite-record-on @rhiannonj79 @onlydeanandjensen

[bamby0304]

The Hart II: Highway

Summary: Off on her own, without the Winchesters, Bobby, Ellen or Jo, Lizzie tries to get back to what she does best… hunting. But time is running out, Dean’s soul is on the line, and now everyone knows Lizzie is psychic like Sam. Can the brothers and Lizzie work through their problems? Or will they lose everything? 

Bamby’s Masterlist

The Hart Masterlist

The Hart II: Highway Masterlist

Part Twenty-One: Heat of the Moment

Warnings: Some violence, some angst,some death...

Bamby

SPOV

Heat of the Moment by Asia woke me up as the radio next to on the bedside table woke me with a start.

Telling you what your heart is

My eyes snapped open before I sat up in bed and looked over to Dean as he sat on his bed tying his shoes.

"Rise and shine, Sammy!" He grinned.

I rolled my eyes, nodding to the radio. "Dude. Asia?"

"Come on. You love this song and you know it."

"Yeah, and if I ever hear it again I'm gonna kill myself."

Reaching over, Dean turned the volume up instead of off. "What? Sorry, couldn't hear you," he yelled over the music, causing me to laugh.

It was the heat of the moment

He started bopping to the music, dancing a little as he got to his feet. I shook my head in amusement, throwing the blanket off as the music continued on.

Heat of the moment

Heat of the moment

Showed in your eyes

EPOV

I stood in the doorway of the guys' room, waiting with Sam as Dean took his time to get ready.

"Whenever you're ready, Dean," Sam said out of annoyance.

Dean looked through the bags on the counter, pulling out a familiar black lacey bra. He grinned, swinging it around his finger as he turned to give me a wink. "This yours?"

Seeing as we move around a lot, our clothes got messed up quite a bit. Sam had even found a pair of my underwear in his bag once… and totally freaked out. But I didn't care. It was all clean, and just clothes.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. "You know perfectly well that it is."

Laughing lightly, Dean put the bra back on the bench before looking through the bags again. "Bingo." He reached in and pulled out his gun, turning for the door and heading towards us finally. "Now who's ready for some breakfast?"

...

Walking into the diner with the brothers, I was a step behind, looking around.

"Drive safely now, Mr Pickett," the cashier told an old man as he handed over some change.

The old man nodded, though was clearly a grump. "Yeah, yeah."

"Can't stay unless you order something, Cal. You know the rules," A waitress told a man who appeared to be homeless.

He pulled some change out of his pocket and handed it over gingerly. "Some coffee."

Reaching a booth, Dean took a seat, sliding over so I could sit next to him while Same sat across from us, in the middle of his side of the booth.

"Hey." Dean pointed to the menu, a smile on his face. "Tuesday. Pig in a poke."

Sam raised an eyebrow at his brother. "You even know what that is?"

When Dean didn't answer, I chuckled lightly, shaking my head. "It's a sausage cooked in batter," I told him.

The waitress came to our table then, friendly and welcoming as she pulled out her notebook and looked to each of us. "Are you three ready?" she asked as I read her name tag, 'Doris'.

"Yes." Dean nodded. "I'll have the special, side of bacon and a coffee."

"Make it two coffees and a short stack," Sam added.

"Actually, three coffees. Oh, and some scrambled eggs with a side of bacon as well," I finished, smiling at Doris kindly.

Doris wrote it all down, nodding. "You got it."

Once she was gone, Dean lifted his arm to rest it behind me as he got more comfortable in his seat. "I'm telling you, Sam, this job is small fry. We should be spending our time hunting down Bela."

Sam had found the job, and I hadn't minded going for it, but Dean was determined to find Bela and get the Colt back. Oh, and kill her. He wanted to kill her.

I was having mixed feelings though. Bela was a pain, yes. But she could be useful. Plus, we had a past. As distant as that past may be, and as much as neither of us seemed to care about each other that way anymore, I couldn't deny the fact that Bela was probably the closest thing to an ex I had, and that meant something to me. Not much, but something.

Sam shrugged. "Okay, sure, let's get right on that. Where is she again?"

"Shut up," Dean responded instantly.

"Look. Believe me, I want to find her as bad as you do. In the meantime, we have this." Sam pulled some papers from his jacket pocket.

Taking the papers, Dean gave it a look over. "All right, so this professor..."

"Dexter Hasselback was passing through town last week when he vanished," I noted. "His daughter says he was on his way to visit the Broward County Mystery Spot."

Doris arrived then, carrying a tray with three coffees and a bottle of hot sauce. "Three coffees, black, and some hot sauce for the-" She gasped as the hot sauce fell off the tray and smashed as it landed on the floor. "Whoops. Crap! Sorry." She turned to the counter behind her. "Clean-up!"

...

Walking down the path on the main street, between the brothers, I smiled at the dog tied to a bike rack as it barked and whined at us.

Snatching the Mystery Spot flyer from Sam's hands, Dean sighed. "Sam, joints like this are only tourist traps, right? I mean, you know, balls rolling uphill, furniture nailed to the ceiling, they're only dangerous to your wallet."

"Okay, look, I'm just saying, there are spots in the world where holes open up and swallow people," Sam argued. "The Bermuda Triangle, uh, the Oregon Vortex-"

"Broward County Mystery Spot?" Dean was unconvinced.

"Well sometimes these places are legit."

"It happens, Dean," I agreed with Sam.

"All right, so if it is legit, and that's a big-ass if, what's the lore?"

"Well-"

Before Sam could go on, Dean collided with a blonde girl who'd been walking the other way, carrying a stack of flyers.

"Excuse me," she mumbled as she continued walking.

Once we were walking again, Sam went on. "The lore's pretty frigging nuts, actually. They say these places the magnetic fields are so strong that they can bend spacetime, sending victims no one knows where."

Dean shook his head. "Sounds a little X-Files to me."

"Told you it wouldn't fit," a guy said as he and another man- both of them were movers- tried pushing a large wooden desk into a building.

The other guys stopped and glared at the first man. "What do you want, a Pulitzer?"

"Dean, Sam isn't saying this is a definite thing, but there's a chance. We should at least check it out. See if there's anything going on, maybe we can do something?" I suggested.

"All right, all right," Dean gave in. "We'll go tonight after they close, get ourselves a nice long look."

SPOV

I followed Dean and Lizzie into the Mystery Spot, walking down the double spiral black and neon green hall. Coming to the end, we opened the door and entered the next part, where all the furniture was placed on weird angles and was even upside down, hanging from the roof.

"Wow. Uncanny," Dean scoffed sarcastically, shining his torch to the upside-down table on the roof.

Pulling out my EMF I started scanning the place, while also looking for any other signs that might be able to help us.

"Find anything?" Lizzie called.

I sighed, lowering the reader. "No."

"You have any idea what you're looking for?" Dean asked.

"Uh... yeah," I answered, but when he raised a sceptical eyebrow at me, I let out another sigh. "No."

Shaking his head, Dean turned to keep looking. Lizzie and I did the same, still scanner and searching the space. None of us noticed another person walking into the room.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The three off us turned, shinning our lights at the person, both Dean and Lizzie pulling out their guns at the same time. But at the sight of the owner aiming a shot gun at us, they quickly lowered their weapons.

Dean slowly started to put his gun away. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. We can explain."

The owner turned his gun to me. "You robbing me?"

"Look, nobody's robbing you, calm down," I told him.

He aimed at Dean. "Don't move!" he warned him.

Dean kept moving slowly, putting his gun away. "Just putting the gun down."

Suddenly the gun went off as the owner fired at Dean. All I could do was watch as Dean fell to the floor.

My heart stopped as I watched as if it were slow motion. Dean was unmoving with holes in his chest from where the shards had hit him. Blood began to pour out as he died right there on the ground of this crappy Mystery Spot con. Right there in front of me.

"Dean!" I rushed over to him as quickly as I could, falling to my knees. "Hey!" He was struggling to breath. I turned to the owner. "Call 911."

The own stuttered. "I-I didn't mean to-"

"Now!"

"I got it." Lizzie pulled her phone out and began to dial, her voice and hands shaking as her wide eyes stared at Dean, tears threatening to pour.

Looking down at Dean again, I held him to me. "Hey, hey, oh, no, no, no. Not like this..." As I held him against me, Dean went still, his eyes closing. "Dean?"

...

Heat of the moment

Telling you what your heart is

My eyes snapped open as I sat up in bed, looking around. Next to me, on the other bed, sat Dean, tying his shoes with a smile on his face.

"Rise and shine, Sammy!"

The heat of the moment

Showed in your eyes

"Dude. Asia." He grinned.

I had no idea what was going on here... but something was very, very wrong.

"Dean..."

There was a rushed knock on the door. That hadn't happened before...

"Oh, come on, you love this song and you know it." Dean reached over and turned the music up as he bopped along and stood, moving to the door.

The moment he began to open it, Lizzie rushed in. Just one look at her and I knew, she was just as confused as I was.

"Anyone else freaking out?" she asked, looking to both of us.

"No, why? You have a weird dream or something?" Dean asked, moving to the bathroom. "Was it clowns or midgets?" He grinned.

EPOV

Everything was happening exactly as it had yesterday. Only yesterday is today... it hadn't taken me long to realise Sam was experiencing the same messed up timeline like me. The way we both watched Dean getting ready, we were both confused, relieved and freaking out.

Entering the diner, Sam and I watched everyone as they did everything the same as yesterday.

"Drive safely now, Mr Pickett," the cashier told the old man as he handed over some change.

The old man nodded, though was clearly a grump. "Yeah, yeah."

"Can't stay unless you order something, Cal. You know the rules," Doris told Cal.

Cal pulled some change out of his pocket and handed it over gingerly. "Some coffee."

Dean moved to sit in the booth like he had yesterday, sliding over for me. "Hey. Tuesday. Pig in a poke." He smiled.

Sam looked between the menu and his brother. "It's Tuesday?"

Dean gave a short nod. "Yeah."

Doris came over, smiling. "Are you ready?"

Dean smiled back at her. "Yes, I'll have the special, side of bacon and a coffee."

As Sam stared, clearly confused, I took control. "Nothing for us thanks."

Despite everything being weird, I was trying to act as normal as possible. I mean, maybe Sam and I had a shared vision or something? Maybe we were connected through our abilities or something?

"Let me know if you change your mind." Doris shrugged before walking off.

Dean rested his arm behind me like he had before. "I'm telling you, Sam, this job is small fry. We should be spending our time hunting down Bela." When Sam kept staring after Doris, Dean snapped his fingers in front of his brother's face. "Hey. You with us?"

Sam turned to him. "What?"

"You sure you feel okay?"

Sam sighed. "You don't- you don't remember? Any of this?"

My eyes went wide at Sam's willingness to speak up about the weirdness. "Sam..."

Dean frowned, looking between us. "Remember what?"

"This. Today. Like it's- like it's ... happened before?" Sam asked.

"You mean like déjà vu?"

Sam shook his head as Dean. "No, I mean like, like it's really happened before."

"Yeah. Like déjà vu," Den repeated.

"No, forget about déjà vu." I turned to face Dean more. "Sam and I... it's like we're reliving yesterday. All over again."

Dean looked between as. "Okay, how is that not dé-"

"Don't. Don't say it!" Sam snapped. "Just don't even-" He cut himself short as Doris came back with Dean's coffee.

"Coffee, black, and some hot sauce for the-" She gasped as the hot sauce fell, "Oops! Crap!"

But before it could smash on the floor, Sam caught it.

We all froze, looking from the bottle to Sam. He was just as stunned, handing it back to Doris.

"Thanks." She smiled as she put the bottle on the table and left.

Dean turned to his brother, impressed. "Nice reflexes."

Sam and I shared a look without saying anything. Both of us were just as frustrated and confused as the other. As each second went by it was becoming clearer and clearer to me that we weren't dealing with some kind of joint vision. No, what we were dealing with was something weirder and worse.

...

I didn't look at the dog this time, as it barked and whined at us. I just looked to Dean, hoping he'd understand what we'd just explained to him. Sam and I had tried our best to tell him what was going on. But seeing as we had no real idea, we hadn't made much sense.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what the hell you're talking about.'

Sam sighed. "Okay, look. Yesterday was Tuesday, right? But today is Tuesday, too!" His frustration wasn't getting any better.

Dean shook his head. "Yeah. No. Good. You're totally balanced."

"So you don't believe us?!" Sam asked, hopeful.

The blonde bumped into the Dean again. "Excuse me," she mumbled, walking on.

Dean looked back at her for a moment before turning to his brother and I again. "Look, I'm just saying that it's crazy, you know. I mean, even for us crazy. Dingo-ate-my-baby crazy. Hey, maybe it was another of your psychic premonitions."

"Lizzie doesn't have premonitions," Sam noted. "Besides, it was way too vivid. Okay, look, we were at the Mystery Spot, and then-" He stopped himself.

"And then what?" Dean pressed.

There was no way we could tell Dean he died, so I skipped that part. "I don't know about Sam, but I woke up in my room."

Sam nodded. "Me too."

"Told you it wouldn't fit," Mover-one snapped.

Mover-two glared. "What do you want, a Pulitzer?"

"Wait a minute! The Mystery Spot." Sam looked to us, a little excited as if he was on to something. "You think maybe it..."

I understood where he was going. "We gotta check that place out." When Dean scoffed, not interested, I insisted. "Just go with us on this, okay?"

"All right, all right." Dean sighed. "We'll go tonight, after close, get ourselves a nice long look."

Both Sam and I came to a stop. "No!"

Dean stopped as well, looking to us, now even more confused. "Why not?"

"Uh..." Sam shrugged, dodging the question. "Let's just go now. Right now. Business hours, nice and crowded."

Dean watched his brother, slight concern and more confusion in his eyes. "My God, you're a freak."

"Dean," Sam insisted.

"Okay! Whatever. We'll go now." Shaking his head, Dean turned to walk, taking a few steps on to the read.

Suddenly a car came flying out of nowhere, hitting Dean. Dean flew through the air as the car came to a stop a few feet away, the tired screeching to a halt.

"No!" I ran, moving to Dean.

"Dean!" Sam was right behind me, the two of us kneeling by Dean on the road. Sam pulled his brother to him. "Dean, no, no, no."

My eyes took in the vast amount of injuries covering Dean. He was barely moving as Sam turned him over a little more.

"Come on! Dean." Sam shook him carefully. "Hey. Dean."

But it was too late...

SPOV

Heat of the moment

Telling you what your heart is

My eyes snapped open as I sat up in bed, breathing heavily. What the hell is going on?!

"Rise and shine, Sammy!" Dean grinned from where he was sitting on the bed next to mine, tying his shoes.

The heat of the moment

Showed in your eyes

...

Lizzie sat next to me, the two of us watching Dean carefully.

He smiled at the menu. "Hey. Tuesday. Pig in a poke."

I just got to the point this time, not wasting time. "Okay, would you listen to us, Dean? 'Cause we're flipping out."

Doris came by, smiling. "Are you ready?"

"He'll take the special, side of bacon, coffee, black. Nothing for us, thanks," Lizzie told her curtly, without looking away from Dean.

Doris hesitated before shrugging and walking off. "You got it."

Dean looked shocked at first, before he grinned. "Liz, I get all tingly when you take control like that."

She sighed, frustrated. "Quit screwing around, Dean."

"Okay. Okay." Dean nodded, looking between the two of us. "I'm listening. So, so- you think that you're in some kind of a what again?"

"Time loop," I answered.

"Like Groundhog Day."

I relaxed a little, glad he understood. "Yes, exactly. Like Groundhog Day."

"Uh-huh..."

Lizzie shook her head, frustrated. "You don't believe us."

He laughed. "It's just a little crazy. I mean even for us crazy, you know, like, uh-"

Lizzie and I finished for him. "Dingo ate my baby crazy?"

Dean paused, his smile falling. "How'd you know I was going to say that?"

"Because you said it before, Dean, that's our whole point," I told him.

Doris came by with Dean's coffee and the hot sauce. "Coffee, black, and some hot sauce for the- whoops! Crap."

I caught the sauce and handed it back without even blinking.

"Thanks…" Doris put the bottle on the table and left, looking at me surprised and a little weirded out.

"Nice reflexes." Dean looked impressed.

I shook my head. "No. I knew it was going to happen."

Dean sighed. "Okay, look. I'm sure that there's some sort of an explanation-"

"You're just going to have to go with us on this, Dean, you just have to," Lizzie told him.

"You owe us that much," I added, getting more and more annoyed.

I understood why he didn't believe us, but it didn't make anything any less annoying. Lizzie and I were the only people who seemed to be able to remember everything from the day before, which never actually happened. We were stuck with the memories of Dean dying.

There was no way in hell we were going to go through that anymore. So no matter how long it took, we were going to get Dean to believe us, and we were going to stop whatever the hell was happening.

He leaned forward, keeping his voice low. "Calm down-"

I cut him off, "Don't tell me to calm down! I can't calm down. I can't. Because-"

Once again, I couldn't seem to tell him. Telling him that the way each day had ended so far was after he died... I wasn't too sure how he'd handle that news.

"Because what?" he pressed.

I was surprised when Lizzie answered, honestly. "Because you die, today, Dean."

Dean shook his head, not believing her. "I'm not gonna die. Not today."

I took a deep breath. "Twice now we've watched you die, and I can't- we won't do it again, okay? You're just going to have to believe us. Please."

Hearing it from me, looking at the desperation in our face, Dean finally nodded. "All right. I still think you're nuts, but okay, whatever this is, we'll figure it out."

EPOV

The dog barked, the woman bumped into Dean and the mover's argued. It was all the same. Not only was this confusing, it was getting old fast. With Sam and I the only people different each day, we relived through a lot of the same stuff. This place was going to get on my nerves really fast- and that's got nothing to do with Dean dying.

"And you think this cheesy-ass tourist trap has something to do with it?" Dean asked us.

Sam shrugged. "Maybe it's the real deal, you know? The, the magnetic fields bending spacetime or whatever."

"I don't know, it all seems a little too 'X-Files' for me." Dean wasn't convinced.

"Well, I don't know how else to explain it, Dean!" Sam snapped.

"All right! All right. We'll go tonight after they close, get ourselves a nice long look."

I grabbed Dean's arm as I came to a stop, shaking my head. "No, we can't."

"Why not?"

"Because y-y-ou-" Sam couldn't even say it.

"I what?" Dean pressed for an answer. When Sam and I just gave him a look, he understood. "I die there?"

Sam nodded. "Blown away, actually."

Dean looked surprised. "Huh. Okay, let's go now." He started forward.

Sam and I rushed at the same time, grabbing him right before he could step out onto the street. Less than a second later, a car sped past.

Mr Pickett yelled out of his window. "Stay out of the way!"

The three of us stared after him.

Dean laughed, turning to Sam and I. The unamused and stressed looks on our faces stop his laughing. "Wait, did he…?"

I sighed. "Yesterday."

"And?"

Sam looked confused. "And what?"

"Did it look cool, like in the movies?"

"You peed yourself," Sam told him, irritated.

Dean shifted a little, uncomfortable and embarrassed. But he tried to hide his feelings. "Of course I peed myself. Man gets hit by a car, you think he has full control over his bladder? Come on!"

This time, we all looked both ways before crossing the road.

DPOV

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. We could use all the good ink we can get." The owner of the Mystery Spot smiled at the three of us.

"How long have you owned the place, Mr Carpiak?" Sam asked.

"Well, my family's been guarding the secrets here since you don't want to know when."

Liz nodded. "So you'd know if anything strange happened?"

"Strange? Strange happens here all the time. It's a Mystery Spot." The owner chuckled.

Sam frowned. "What exactly does that mean?"

"Well, uh... it's where the laws of physics have no meaning."

"Okay, like how?" Sam was clearly getting annoyed and agitated.

I still wasn't sure what was going on between Liz and Sam, but whatever it was it was getting to them. If they were telling the truth and they really were stuck in some kind of Groundhog Day thing, then I wasn't sure how much longer they'd last before going nuts.

The owner grinned. "Take the tour."

Before Sam or Liz could say anything, I spoke up. "The guy who went missing, Dexter Hasselback, he take the tour?"

"Uh, uh..." The owner's smile fell as he looked to each of us. "Hold on a minute, what kind of article is this?"

"Just answer the question," Liz snapped.

"The police scoured every inch of this place. They couldn't find that man. I never seen him before. We're a family establishment-"

Sam stepped forward, getting in the owner's face. "Listen to me. There is something weird going on here. Now do you know anything about it or not?"

Shaking by Sam's behaviour, the owner finally told us the truth. "Okay. Look. Guys. Um. Give me a break. I bought the joint at a foreclosure auction last March, all right? Hell, I used to sell bail bonds."

Seeing Sam still glaring at the owner, I stepped forward, grabbing my brother's shoulder. "Okay, Kojak, let's get some air." Steering him towards the exit, I nodded to Liz who also looked pissed. "You too."

SPOV

With my hands shoved in my pockets to keep myself from fidgeting out of annoyance and frustration, I walked along side Lizzie, following Dean on the path along the main road in town.

Dean sighed. "Well, I hate to say it, but that place is exactly what I thought. It's full of crap."

"Then what is it, Dean, what the hell is happening to us?" I snapped.

"I don't know. All right, let me just-" He stopped himself, turning to Lizzie and I. "So, every day I die."

I gave a short nod. "Yeah."

"And that's when you two wake up again, right?"

Lizzie nodded. "Yeah."

Dean shrugged. "So let's just make sure I don't die. If I make it to tomorrow, then maybe the loop stops and we can figure all this out."

Could it be that easy? "You think?"

"It's worth a shot. I say we grab some takeout and head back to the motel, lay low until midnight," Dean suggested, earning a hopeful and anxious nod from both Lizzie and I. "All right, good. Who wants Chinese?" He started walking again.

But after a few steps, a heavy wooden desk fell on top of him, crushing him… to death.

Lizzie and I looked up at the same time to see a snapped rope and the two movers looking down at us.

...

Heat of the moment

My eyes snapped open as I sat up in bed.

"Rise and shine, Sammy!" Dean smiled from where he sat on his bed, tying his shoes.

Telling you what your heart is

The heat of the moment

With a heavy sigh, I laid back down shaking my head.

Shown in your eyes

It was the heat of the moment

EPOV

I was exhausted. Not only were we repeating the same day and watching Dean die over and over, but we were exhausting ourselves. Sam and I were tired, confused, and desperate. So desperate, I was almost ready to make some kind of deal with whatever demon I could find.

Almost that desperate. But not quite.

Dean watched us carefully, having heard us explain most it to him. "I still think you're nuts, but... whatever this is, we'll figure it out."

"Thanks," Sam muttered.

"So, uh... if you're stuck in Groundhog Day, why? What's behind it?" Dean asked.

I shrugged. "Well, first we thought it was the Mystery Spot. Now we're not so sure."

"What do we do?"

"Well, we keep you breathing," Sam started. "Try to make it to tomorrow. I mean, that's the only thing I can think of."

Dean shrugged. "Shouldn't be too hard."

Sam scoffed. "Yeah, right. Dean, we've watched you die a few times now and we can't ever seem to stop it."

"Well, nothing's set in stone. You say I order the same thing every day, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Pig in a poke, side of bacon."

Dean turned to Doris as she stood at the counter talking to the cook. "'Scuse me, sweetheart?" he called, causing her to turn to him. "Can I get sausage instead of bacon?"

She smiled, giving a short nod. "Sure thing, hon."

Dean turned back to us, giving a short shrug. "See? Different day already. You see, if we decide that I am not gonna die. I'm not gonna die."

Doris came over and placed Dean's meal in front of him with a smile.

"Thank you." He nodded to her before stabbing one of the sausages and taking an exaggerated bite.

Sam and I grinned at his enthusiasm. That was until Dean started choking...

"Dean…" I shifted in my seat.

Sam's eyes went wide. "Dean?"

SPOV

Heat of the moment

My eyes snapped open as I sat up in bed, looking around. God damnit!

Bamby

[raywritesthings]

Could you maybe write something about what happens when the doctor and donna come back to the tardis from the library?

Hoooookay, anon. I wrote...something. Idk if it’s at all what you were picturing, but here we go!

Sleep Mode

AO3 link

He knew it still was not alright, possibly wouldn’t be for a very long time, because of how quiet she was.

Not that Donna was loud all the time, of course. But even when her voice turned soft there was always an underlying strength, a presence. This Donna, he could tell her mind was far away, reaching back for the Library datacore and Lee. Something twisted painfully in his gut, and he had no scientific explanation for it at all.

“I think I might turn in,” she said, just above a whisper, and he looked away from the door he’d just snapped closed. “Bit muddled on how long I’ve been awake.”

“Of course,” the Doctor immediately replied. “We’ll start fresh in the morning.”

She offered just the slightest attempt at a smile before turning away and heading down the corridor to her room. The Doctor watched her go, then went to the controls to place them in the Vortex. Time and space could wait as long as Donna needed it to.

—-

She came and found him after a much shorter interval than was usual whenever she decided to sleep. He didn’t comment, and merely took them somewhere new.

It worked a little. She had all sorts of questions like always, and he thought she even forgot once or twice what had happened only yesterday. And yet she was still too quiet. Withdrawn.

By the second day she was yawning between bouts of running, and he knew it wasn’t because she was bored. Donna could gripe about the weather or the running better than anyone, but she never found their travels boring.

She was tired, and the longer it lasted the more he feared it would grow to mean she was tired of this. That he’d failed to shield her from the worst and she’d soon leave him like everyone eventually did.

Donna retreated to her room whenever they got back to the TARDIS. He thought to ask if she felt up to a movie or a game of some kind, something to draw her out, but his courage always failed him and he watched her walk away instead.

This particular night, after a few fruitless attempts at TARDIS maintenance that he was too distracted worrying to complete, the Doctor decided it was past time for him to sleep himself. Not that he was entirely eager to, and so he took a more roundabout route to his room.

He hadn’t realized his wandering had taken him past her room until he heard a door open behind him. “Spaceman?”

The Doctor spun about on his heels. “Oh, sorry, did I wake you?” It couldn’t possibly be time for her to wake up yet.

Donna grimaced. “I haven’t exactly been sleeping. I try, but it’s just...I don’t know. I’m not used to, um—”

“You can’t get to sleep on your own,” he finished for her.

“Yeah,” she admitted, eyes on her toes.

Neither of them spoke for an awful stretch of time.

“Do you think you could—no, it’s daft, forget I asked.”

He reached for her hand before she could retreat behind the door.

“Donna, whatever you need, I’m here.”

She visibly struggled for a moment before finally opening the door a little wider.

He’d had glimpses of Donna’s room on occasion, poked his head in now and then. But never had this sort of invitation been extended to him.

On any other occasion a thrill of excitement or joy might have accompanied this moment. The nerves at least carried over.

He shut the door behind him with as much care as he could, but the soft click was enough to cause her to drop his hand, casting an almost skittish look in his direction. The Doctor, who was desperately trying to keep control of his own composure, crossed to the loveseat sitting against the far wall.

But Donna could truly be contrary at times. “Oh, don’t sit over there. I’ll have to turn my neck all funny just to look at you.”

He changed course and perched on the side of her bed. “I thought the point was for you to sleep.”

“Who can sleep with you looming?” She began turning back the blankets. “And I don’t like people sitting on the covers.”

The Doctor had the thought that perhaps this was not the best idea, at least not for him, but it was what Donna wanted and thus he was powerless to do little else.

He toed off his shoes and debated a moment or two before shrugging out of his jacket. Then he climbed into the bed beside her. The TARDIS dimmed the lights on her own.

A good several inches separated them, and it was more likely his imagination was convincing him he could feel some kind of heat radiating off her. The Doctor fixed his gaze on the ceiling and focused on keeping his breath slow and even. A quick glance at Donna showed she was doing the same.

Just as he was about to ask whether this was helping or merely making it all worse, she spoke.

“If I go to sleep, I’m afraid I’ll see them and think it’s real, and then when I wake up I’ll have to lose them all over again.”

“See who?”

“Josh and Ella. My—the children that the Library made up. It’s them I really miss,” she said. “That’s not really kind to Lee, is it? I mean I do miss him, even if he wasn’t real, but I also...I don’t know what I’d do if I had found him.”

“You could always try making a go of it in real life,” he mused aloud, hoping he sounded completely neutral about the idea even though his mind was fully against it. “Might not be the same, but you never know.”

“Yeah.” It was probably his imagination that she seemed unenthusiastic. Then she rolled onto her side to look at him. “I know I said he was the perfect man for me, but I don’t know how we’d actually make it, him hardly talking and all. I think I can count on one hand the conversations we actually had. And that’s alright for a virtual reality where everything else gets filled in for you.”

“But you wouldn’t want that for actual reality?”

“Well, I’d just be talking and talking at him, and he’d probably be wishing I’d just shut it already. I mean, I’m talking your ear off right now, and anybody else would tell me to let them sleep, but it doesn’t bother you.”

“Even I know it’d be a bit hypocritical if it did,” he remarked. The Doctor didn’t need Donna’s help to realize now wasn’t the time to make this about him, however, so he rolled onto his side as well.

Somehow he forced out the words, “I’m sure if Lee were real and loved you it wouldn’t bother him, either.”

She smiled, and he couldn’t decide if that was good or not.

Donna snuggled a bit more into her pillow. “Goodnight, Spaceman.”

“Goodnight, Earthgirl.”

—-

The Doctor left long before she woke up. Not because he was uncomfortable; far from it. But that wasn’t what this was about.

He had been invited into Donna’s room and bed and confidance as a friend, purely to help her to sleep, not to let her wake up in his arms and be the first thing she saw in the morning. So he extricated himself from the tangled pile they had become somewhere in the half hour or so that he’d dozed off, picked up his jacket and shoes, and tiptoed to the door. Donna slept on.

She found him in the morning under the grating in the console room and carried with her two mugs of tea and a smile that seemed less brittle.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” The Doctor climbed out from under the grating and carefully asked, “Up for a day of running?”

She thought it over a moment. “I think so.”

—-

That night, she didn’t immediately withdraw the minute they got back to the TARDIS. He threw a little something together with noodles that probably wasn’t very good, but she ate it with a quiet, “Thanks,” anyway.

“Don’t get up,” he warned once she’d cleared her plate. He took all the dishes to the sink to wash and dry them himself.

When Donna was still sitting there after he’d finished, he didn’t have to ask. The Doctor placed his hand in hers and let her lead them back to her room.

He waited on top of the blankets while Donna shut herself in the bathroom and started the shower running. He twiddled his thumbs for about ten minutes, then leaned over and snagged a magazine off her bedside table.

When Donna emerged from the bathroom with towel-dried hair and in a set of comfy-looking pajamas, he was engrossed in an article about how proper nail care increased the human lifespan, supposedly. The Doctor didn’t look up until he realized she had stopped and was staring.

“What?”

“Haven’t you got anything to sleep in?”

He looked down at his tie and shirtsleeves. “Er, yes. Should I wear that next time?”

“I thought you’d have gotten them already.” Donna rolled her eyes and climbed into bed, so he wriggled under the blankets with her. Next time, then.

And when she laughed the next night at his pinstripe pajamas, he couldn’t find it in him to even pretend to be insulted.

—-

Donna did dream about the son and daughter she’d lost, but not in the way that she’d feared. He could tell because they weren’t happy dreams.

“No, no please! Please!”

The Doctor gathered her into his arms and stroked her hair, speaking softly in her ear.

“It’s over, Donna. You did everything you could. It’s over.”

He couldn’t tell her it was okay, not when it wasn’t. She deserved better than lies.

When Donna sagged against him, he knew he’d gotten through to her. The Doctor lowered them back down onto the bed, still wrapped up in each other.

They were all the other had. And he had to hope that would be enough.

—-

On Threnau Prime, they got kicked out of the palace for not being devout Frixops.

“You ever heard of tourists?” Donna hollered at the retreating backs of the guards. “Your economy’s loss, mate!”

She looked at him, eyes narrowing even further.

“What are you grinning about?”

The Doctor shook his head, smile only growing. “Nothing.”

Slowly but surely, he was getting his Donna back.

—-

“Do you miss her?” Donna asked out of the blue, her back to him.

“Miss who?”

“Your friend.” She was silent a beat too long, clearly debating whether to clarify. “Professor Song.”

The Doctor stared up at the ceiling, mind drawing a blank. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten River Song — how could he? — but he’d been so concerned with Donna that it had allowed him not to dwell on the woman who’d died for a him that didn’t exist yet.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “It’s hard to know what to miss.” His head fell to the side, resting on his pillow to stare at the back of her head. He wasn’t sure what Donna had made of his response with her not facing him. He wasn’t sure when it had become his pillow, either. “Why do you ask?”

Her shoulders were tense, that much he could tell, almost up to her ears. “I don’t know. I just thought, you’ve let me go on about what I lost in the Library. I wanted to check on you.”

The Doctor shook his head. “You don’t have to repay your time, Donna. They’re two different things.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Yours is real.”

He pushed himself up on an elbow. “Alright, what’s really bothering you?”

The little he could make out of Donna’s face now was flushed, though the exact shade he couldn’t say in the dark. “What?”

“Professor Song. Something about it is bothering you that you’re not saying.”

Maybe he was just hoping for an ulterior motive, but he couldn’t shake the thought now.

“It’s not—I’m not bothered,” she huffed. “I’m just saying if you miss her, I...don’t think I’m supposed to be around the next time.” She picked at a thread sticking out of her pillowcase and continued not to look at him. “So it’s okay if you want that to happen sooner. You don’t have to keep me around.”

The Doctor was completely still. He hadn’t even considered that Donna might think him eager to move onto whatever that adventure was. Certainly, he had some curiosity, but it was sobered by the reality of where it would end for River.

And if it meant giving up Donna, he wasn’t in any hurry to get there at all. Possibly ever.

The Doctor threw his arms around her and hooked his chin over her shoulder. Donna kicked her legs a couple times with a startled squawk.

“Hands!”

Just this once, he ignored her. “Donna, that could be years or centuries away. And I am perfectly content to wait.”

She peered back at him, searching for some hint of a lie. “Really?”

“Won’t even notice the time go by, long as I’ve got you around.”

Her gaze softened. “Daft. Daft Spaceman.” She turned her face away again, though this time he suspected it was to hide a smile.

He dared to snuggle a little closer. “But pretty, though, right?”

“Go to sleep.” Her arms came up, hugging his to her.

The Doctor closed his eyes with a smile of his own he didn’t bother to hide. “Yes, Madame.”

—-

They found themselves at an inn one night. There wasn’t much to be done until the Erinnian ship arrived tomorrow, and Donna had decided it was too far to make the trek all the way back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor trailed a step behind her as she marched up to the desk.

“Hi,” Donna greeted the hostess, who looked up and offered them a smile.

“Hello. May I help you and your husband—”

They didn’t let the poor woman finish.

“Oh, we’re not married.”

“Definitely not married.”

The hostess was clearly well-trained, for she merely gave a pleasant, “My mistake. Were you interested in booking two rooms, then?”

The Doctor and Donna looked at each other.

“Oh.” He scrubbed at one cheek without quite meeting the hostess’ eyes. “Well, one room would be fine.”

“Probably cheaper,” Donna added with a nervous laugh.

“A twin room?”

Another look was exchanged.

“Um—”

“Well—”

“Or we do have a double room available,” she added. If he wasn’t mistaken, there was the slightest amused smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

“That’d be lovely, thanks,” the Doctor squeaked out.

The hostess passed over the key and told them the room number, though he was just happy to let Donna accept it and follow her hasty retreat out of the main room.

“So maybe next time, we just let them think whatever they want to think,” said Donna, fiddling with the key as they climbed the steps. “I mean, if they’re gonna think it anyway.”

“Sounds reasonable,” the Doctor agreed.

“Yeah,” she said, the funniest sort of quirk to her lips, like she couldn’t make up her mind whether to smile or frown. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”

—-

He held her some nights and wondered if he made a suitable substitute or if Donna was merely making do. Did she pretend it was a broader chest at her back, bigger arms that held her?

Sometimes he’d catch her murmuring in her sleep unintelligible things, or she’d roll to face him and nuzzle her way under his chin. His hearts would constrict and a lump would rise in his throat. It wasn’t real, no matter how much he longed for it to be.

Inevitably she was going to say a name, and he knew it wouldn’t be his. It couldn’t be.

What the Doctor didn’t know was what he would do when that happened.

—-

They stopped off in Chiswick for a visit. Really, he should have brought Donna here immediately after the Library, but he’d been selfish and worried that she’d choose to remain with her family while the memories of he virtual one were so fresh.

Of course, if he’d known how intolerable Sylvia was going to be, he might have just kept on avoiding the place altogether.

“And how do you even support yourselves? You can’t have jobs, in and out the way you are.”

Technically, it was none of his business, even if the conversation was half about him. Donna and her mother were out in the kitchen and having a supposedly private talk, though he was pretty sure even Wilfred could hear judging by the man’s nervous fidgeting as they sat across from each other in the sitting room.

“Obviously, you’re still eating.”

“Actually lost half a stone since the last time we dropped by,” said Donna, and while he was glad she was standing up for herself, it pained his hearts that she was still looking for her mother’s approval.

“Hm, and I suppose that makes up for the rest of it.”

“What do you mean, the rest of it?”

“The unemployment, the lack of a proper roof over your head. I mean, how’s any of that going to look on your CV?”

“Sorry, is this a job interview? Where do I see myself in the next five years?”

“Donna—”

“Because I can tell you, it’s right where I am now!”

Wilf gave up any pretense of not being able to hear, cracking a smile and remarking to him, “That’s not bad, eh? She’s got plans for you.”

“For God’s sake, Donna, you’re almost forty!” Sylvia hissed like it was a dirty word. “You’ve got to be thinking about your future. A job, or a husband with a steady one, children!”

Sylvia had crossed a line. She didn’t know it, but she had. The Doctor stood and marched straight for the kitchen archway.

“And who says I want any of that?” Donna shouted just as he made it there. Whatever he’d been intending to say flew right out of his head as she turned and caught sight of him. She froze just as he had.

There was a long silence not even Sylvia seemed to know how to interrupt.

Faintly, the Doctor heard himself ask, “You...don’t?”

Donna slowly shook her head. Then, as if that hadn’t been enough, she spoke. “I’ve already got what I want.”

He had to be dreaming. Any minute he’d wake up with Donna’s breath on the back of his neck or her cold toes pressed to his calf — which sounded like a dream itself and therefore wasn’t at all helpful.

They made a quick exit from the Noble house after that, most of which was a blur in his mind. He couldn’t focus on much else except that Donna was happy just as she was and wasn’t looking to leave for anyone anytime soon.

“I mean, it’s not that I don’t ever want children or anything,” she confessed later that night. They were each on their separate ends of the bed like the first time. “I still miss Josh and Ella. And Lee. I suppose part of me always will. But I wouldn’t want to go back to that life.”

“No?”

She shook her head again. “I couldn’t. Cos that’d mean, well, the Library made me forget things. Mostly everything I’d been doing up till then, so I wouldn’t realize it was all fake. And probably so I wouldn’t want to go.”

“It made you forget the traveling?”

She didn’t answer for a long time. “Sometimes I’m scared if I fall asleep, I’ll really be in that world, and I won’t know how to get out. And everything I’ve seen and done out there’ll be gone, and you—” She stopped, too choked up to go on.

The Doctor only had to reach out with one hand before she was moving into his embrace.

“Hey, I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

He didn’t see anything wrong in saying it this time. It wasn’t a lie.

—-

One morning, he made a mistake. He stayed.

He hadn’t meant to. But he’d been waiting longer and longer to depart as the nights had gone on and it grew harder to leave her. Donna slept straight through most nights with no problem now, but he simply relished the feeling of her in his arms, red, red hair falling onto his shoulder.

It didn’t quite register when she blinked her eyes open. Only when her voice, still a little groggy, mumbled a, “Morning,” up at him did he realize with a start.

“Oh!” The Doctor’s eyes darted guiltily to the door he should have been through hours ago. “Uh, sorry.”

“What for?” She had to still be fogged up with sleep, that was the only reason she’d be watching him so calmly.

“Well, um, you probably want a minute, if you’re waking up,” he stammered. Donna usually didn’t emerge from her room until she’d at least combed her hair back from her face and found a robe to put on over her nightclothes.

She hummed a sort of acknowledgement to that, then let her eyes fall closed again. “Five more minutes, then.”

It didn’t seem to be a dismissal.

“Oh. Okay.”

Maybe this was real. Maybe Donna wanted to wake up to him in the morning just the same as he wanted to wake up to her. Maybe that was enough.

They were alright.

Hearts hammering loud enough that Donna had to be hearing them with her head resting on his chest, the Doctor dropped his head back onto his pillow and counted down from five minutes.

And then, since it wasn’t hurting anything, another five minutes more.

[elisekw4-blog]

Cabazon to Big Bear

We've done some good miles the past few days. When we left Cabazon, we said goodbye to Fog. She had to head home due to a broken foot and hurt knee. This reminded me of how truly grateful I am for my body and for my health. I find myself often thanking my body for allowing me to push it to great lengths and especially thanking my feet for each step that gets me just a little bit further. We headed out into the desert in the HOT sun and made it to a water preserve in the middle of the desert. It was the oddest experience. We followed the sign, which read, "water .5 miles" and all of a sudden we started seeing day hikers and people wearing normal clothes, make-up and even carrying purses. How on earth did they get here?! Turns out the water preserve is a popular visit with a separate road access from Palm Springs. We originally planned on just lunching here, but we're sucked in by the vortex of this desert oasis. There was shade, picnic tables, flush toilets, and even a kiddy pool, which we all took a dip in. Okay, we might have taken a bath in it....hiker trash at its finest. In the evening we watched a family of mountain goats navigate their way across the face of the mountain in front of us. It was the best form of post dinner entertainment! We woke up early the next morning and braved the heat again. I was lucky to get some more sun screen from the park ranger at the water preserve because I burned the heck out of myself the day prior. We hike for several hours before breaking at a stream covered by trees where we lunched and played in the water. We watched a caravan of pack mules cross the trail and encountered a group of PCTA trail maintenance volunteers. They do such amazing work and it is so appreciate by us! We pushed on in the heat of the day and I swear those last three miles were a sick joke. Everyone had a hard time at the end of that day. It felt like we would never get to camp! But we did. Caveman got caught with a rattlesnake between his legs just as he was coming into camp. Yikes! I think it was just as scared as he was though. They both got away safely ;). I finally braved cowboy camping that night, which was actually really great! Not having to put up and take down a tent is a real time saver...and the stars are quite the sight to fall asleep to. Friday morning was an early one. After looking at the maps, we discovered that we had to push a BIG day due to a fire closure. We could walk through the closure, but camping is prohibited and there is a 16 mile stretch with no water. We climbed for hours that morning in the hot sun. We loaded up on water at the last creek and pounded out the miles. Everyone was feeling good! It really is something to climb up and down several mountains, then stop, turn around and take in the sight of what you just accomplished. Such a unique experience that I will cherish for always. We hiked past a private zoo where they used to train animals for Hollywood movies. I'm not sure what they do with the poor animals anymore, but it was sad to see them all caged up right next to the trail. We saw some tigers and a bear as we passed. My goal was to make the 21 mikes before dark. At this point I'm averaging about 10 miles in just over 3 hours. That's not including breaks, which are vital in this heat. Sure enough, I made it to camp with plenty of daylight left! Feeling charged and proud of our biggest day yet, we celebrated over a family campfire and cowboy camped once again. In the morning we hiked and easy ten miles into the town of Big Bear where we easily got a hitch, went straight to Taco Bell, where we ate our little hearts out! We experienced some real trail magic as we were walking along the street after lunch. A woman called out to us from her car and asked if she could treat us to lunch. Since we had just eaten, she treated us to beer and ice cream. So generous!!!! It's really unbelievable how kind people are to us hikers. Its funny...people have one of two reactions when seeing us in town. They either know we are they hiking and wish us luck or cheer us on, or they give us a funny look like, 'what are these homeless people doing here?'. ....after seeing myself in a mirror in the Taco Bell bathroom, I completely understand the later reaction.😂 We are staying the night at a trail angel's house. I've never experienced anything like this. These people open their home to hikers. Offer showers, laundry, cook huge meals and provide a place to sleep...all by donation. This adventure reminds me often of how there is much good left in this world and it inspires me to show kindness to strangers. Two nights ago my friend was laying next to me as we were going to sleep under the stars. She nudged me and said, "Can you believe it? We are actually living our dream! So many people are too afraid to chase their dreams, and we are living it right now." She's right. I'm grateful each day on trail for the ability to be able to live my dream. I'm also thankful for all of the love and support from friends and family back home. I think of you all often and use your support in hard times. If I've learned anything yet, it's that life is for the living and nobody can live it better than you can. If you have a dream, make it happen. You'll never regret it. ❤️

[fashiontrendin-blog]

I Went on 3 Blind “Friend Dates” to Cure My Loneliness

http://fashion-trendin.com/i-went-on-3-blind-friend-dates-to-cure-my-loneliness/

I Went on 3 Blind “Friend Dates” to Cure My Loneliness

My favorite hobby is telling people about my friends. My best friends. One time, when I was describing an important woman in my life to a man, he asked, “Aren’t we a little old for ‘best’ friends?” I took this to mean he didn’t have any but pretended to laugh at myself anyway to avoid a confrontation. The truth was, I was living in San Francisco at the time, surrounded by women I adored, and I couldn’t imagine existing without a best friend within arm’s reach.

Then, in 2015, after eight years in the Golden State, I followed a dream and a hunch to New York, where I knew almost no one. I spent my first year in the city exploring the outer limits of what I called “alone time,” which made it sound more like something Oprah would recommend and less like the desperate loneliness that it was. Rock bottom was watching Fifty Shades Darker in a full theater with only two hot dogs to keep me company.

When I decided I needed more friends, I typed “how to make” into Google, and was comforted to find that, right below “slime” and right above “cake,” other people were wondering how to make friends, too.

Just like the men I’ve always imagined I would date, I realized I had an idealized version of what my new New York best friend would look like, too.

I’d seen the big yellow billboards advertising Bumble BFF — an app to make friends — and scoffed. It was one thing to search for potential dates via app, but couldn’t I just make friends the old-fashioned way? The problem was, I wasn’t. So one night, while sitting on my couch with zero plans on the horizon, I toggled my Bumble app to its “BFF” setting, telling myself it was just a joke. I quickly created a profile: “I love endorsing my friends on LinkedIn,” read my bio. Approachable, I thought to myself. Out of pure laziness, I used the same photos I had for the dating portion of the app. I began swiping, and I immediately fell for the first girl I saw. She stood in a white shirt and jeans, a field of sunflowers behind her, a teacher from Chicago. I wanted to go on a friend date with her so bad. But I swiped right and never saw her digital presence again. Into the Bumble BFF vortex I went.

Swiping for friends was eerily similar to looking for dates in that it was a complete emotional rollercoaster. I would get attached to girls who would never match with me, and watch as my overtures evaporated into thin air when they never responded. I was ghosted when I said a restaurant known for its $17 dollar cocktails was out of my budget, even though I included multiple “lols” to soften the statement.

Basically, during my first few months on Bumble BFF, I couldn’t get anyone to go out with me. I called my mom and she said, “It’s not you, it’s them,” and I thought, Is my mom breaking up with me too? I vented to friends across the country, over the phone, and they told me to be less picky. By then I was obsessed with getting at least one woman to agree to a coffee, so I began swiping right on more ladies I had less in common with. Just like the men I’ve always imagined I would date, I realized I had an idealized version of what my new New York best friend would look like, too. When I let go of that fantasy, and opened up to the idea that I might want a friend who was totally different from me, I began to get matched. And thus, I set out on three friend dates.

Date #1

Of course, I was running late — I’m always running late. Being on time has been a New Year’s resolution of mine for five straight years. RuPaul once said he stopped being late when he realized he was just addicted to the drama, but if I was getting coffee with RuPaul he could be as late as he wanted! Unfortunately I’m not RuPaul and I was not making a good first impression.

I texted her to let her know I was running five minutes behind, and then realized I was headed to the wrong coffee shop and have to text that I was actually running 20 behind. She said it’s fine, and that I would be able to identify her because she’d be clutching her yoga mat “like a baby,” and I thought to myself, I love babies, should that be my opening line? When I finally arrived and spotted Date #1 and her yoga mat, I ran to her table and immediately started shedding layers in an attempt to correct my body temperature (I’m a nervous sweater). “I’ll just grab a coffee,” I said, as casually as possible, “I’ll be right back!” At this point, I was panting. And of course, the line was massively long, but what choice did I have but to commit to it? As I waited, my date and I kept making eye contact over the barista’s head. I was smiling so furiously my teeth hurt. Finally, I got my iced coffee and headed over to our shared table.

Unfortunately, the music was so loud I could barely hear her and I kept saying “What?!” and then nervously laughing. I was surprised to find the encounter felt similar to romantic dates I’ve been on before. We were both sizing each other up, already feeling out our potential for a future by assessing how much we did and did not have in common.

I figured things were going well when she asked me to go to the Planetarium afterward. I actually really wanted to go but couldn’t, as I’d made plans to relax alone immediately following our date that I’d been simultaneously dreading and eagerly anticipating. I did mention I was writing an essay about the psychology of lying, though, and she offered to let me borrow a copy of National Geographic that covered the topic. I try not to let my face betray my excitement. Future plans mean friends, right?

Date #2

When I stumbled upon an advice column late last year wherein writer Casey Johnson advised being the type of person to stays for one drink instead of four, I decided that in 2018 I was going to drink less. I want to be the person who stops in for a quick drink and leaves right after in a trail of mystery. Any yet, while scheduling my second friend date, I was nervous enough to suggest a quiet wine bar with a good happy hour. The thought of another coffee made me anxious.

On the night of the date, I tried on approximately seven different outfits. A vinyl skirt and beret? Too much. Cropped black jeans and white sweater? Not enough. I settled on a black sweater and PVC pants that, later in the evening, proved almost impossible to pull back up over my thighs. Just right.

On the way there, I listened to Oprah’s Super Soul podcast where she told me that, “YOU are what YOU have been waiting for” and I immediately felt a surge of love for myself and for Oprah, which felt like a good way to start a date. I arrived at the wine bar we decided on and appreciated the fact that I was not sweating. Progress! I immediately recognized my date from her photos and introduced myself. We started chatting, and when I remembered it was happy hour, had to resist the urge to gulp down my red wine since she was so maturely sipping hers.

She told me that she doesn’t like girls who liked brunch and I lied and said that I hated brunch too, probably too emphatically to be believable. She told me she dated a chef and I say that I dated a chef once too, though “dated” was probably too generous of a word. She looked at me sadly even though it was supposed to be a joke. I laughed nervously, which is evidently my preferred mode of communication. She offered to stay for another, but I had work to do and politely declined. A few days later, I asked if she wants to go to a reading. She couldn’t, but maybe some other time! I’ll take it.

Date #3

I was nauseous for Date #3, but that could have been due to the copious amounts of coffee I’d just consumed on an empty stomach. We met at a coffee shop in Harlem, the neighborhood in which we both live. I decided to walk there despite my past sweating issues. (I’m a risk taker!) She was quiet, and I think she maybe didn’t like me or maybe I was projecting, something my dad says I do a lot. (I’m a projector!) Either way, from the get go, I could tell the date’s expiration date was fast approaching. I attempted to linger over our cups of coffee when I suddenly and urgently had to pee. When I realized the bathroom door said “Out of Order,” I suggested we make an expedition out of my small bladder situation and head over to the Shake Shack bathrooms across the street.

It was a lame attempt, I admit, not to mention an unappealing one, but by that point we both knew the date was over. We said our goodbyes and I scurried to the nearest bathroom alone (despite it saying “For Customers Only,” which I still feel guilty about). I thought maybe she’d text me after but she doesn’t, and I don’t text her either, and our friend date fades quickly into a distance memory.

To be honest, I’m not sure any of my friend dates worked out. I’m not even sure I’ll see them again, much less create long and lasting friendships like the ones I had in San Francisco, or even the more organic ones I’m managing to make here in New York City. But I don’t consider them a failure. More than anything, these dates made me feel less alone. Even when I didn’t have much in common with the person sitting across from me, sharing how isolating this city can be, how hard it is to make friends in your twenties, and how strange it is to meet people through your phone screen was an oddly comforting experience. I might even say it was worth the trouble/sweating.

Despite my lack of tangible success in the form of friendships made, I keep the app on my phone. For some reason I don’t want to delete it. Maybe because the simple act of trying turned out to be as good of armor against loneliness as anything else.

Collages by Louisiana Mei Gelpi. 

[atomic-r0x]

Caleb Murphy | Chapter ii

Her voice is heavy, heavier than it’s been in ages. She takes more breaks than usual, she’s hesitant to engage in conversation, but she’s still the one keeping it going. His mother has never been like that and it’s twisting and turning his stomach at five hundred miles per hour.

‘Caleb, I need to tell you something very serious’ she finally speaks, abruptly dropping whatever they were chitchatting before and he almost claws at the edge of his bed for balance. Whatever it is she’s going to tell him, he already knows it’s no good. ‘I’m really sorry… I am so sorry I haven’t told you yet, I just…’ and now she’s trying to speak through her tears, Caleb can she her so crystal clear, holding the phone to her cheek with a firm hand while the other is messing with her lower lip, pinching and twisting it while trying to find her words and her voice to carry on. It’s killing not to be able to hold her. ‘Caleb, Grandma Luma has passed away… She died two days ago… I’m so sorry, Caleb.’

He knew it was going to be bad news, but somehow it still shatters him. Caleb blinks once, and then twice, and then a couple times more and clears his throat and checks over his shoulder if Indra is over there and is the kettle still on the stove? ‘W-What do you mean she passed away?’ the question bursts out of his mouth with childlike ignorance and as stupid as it may sound it’s the truth. It has never occurred to Caleb before that his grandmother would ever die, it almost felt like he questioned her ability to close her eyes and never open them ever again.

‘I’m so sorry, baby, I really should have told you when it happened but… I couldn’t’ and then she sighs, a sigh so deep he hasn’t heard anything like it in years. In all the years since his father passed away. ‘I know how close the two of you were… I just want you to know she died peacefully. No pain… We did everything we could but her body was too weak to keep on fighting.’

Caleb nods for a while but there is nobody to see him. He’s frowning, biting at his lower lip, his mind is working so fast he’s completely awake and alert now. ‘When’s the ceremony?’ he asks placing the phone between his cheek and shoulder while reaching for his laptop at the foot of his bed.

It’s as if she knows what he’s thinking, like she’s already read the script to their conversation and never gave Caleb the chance to practice his lines. ‘Tomorrow.’ The word is heavy and faithful like a condemnation, it sinks in with the weigh of an anchor pulling a ferry full of joyful tourists safely to the shore. He’s dumbfounded and a vortex opens right up in his stomach and for a split second he wants to make himself feel angry or betrayed but he’s not sure how to handle any feelings now.

‘Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?’

‘Because I didn’t want you to put your life on hold, Caleb. You’re a smart and successful young man and you have to keep looking forward. You’ve experienced loss too early on and I don’t want it to chase you all your life’ his mother speaks, and her voice isn’t trembling anymore. Instead, there’s a renewed force to carry things all by herself like she used to before she met Atticus, although back then Luma was younger and stronger and alive, and it strikes him that now, more than ever, she’s the protecting mother figure he never found in his friends’ parents. ‘We have managed to organize things on our own. It’s alright, I know Luma would have hated to interrupt you and your sister’s lives, especially from such a long distance.’

‘But will you be okay?’ Caleb is for the first time on the verge of tears. For the first time in so long, his voice isn’t all that deep and he’s not that straight-faced anymore. He would do anything for his mother’s hug, to hold her hand, to rest his head on her lap like he did as a child and just drift away into careless dreams of much idler things.

‘Oh, baby…’ she exhales, because she knows exactly the look on his face, and her heart is breaking for him just as much as his own is aching for all the loneliness that was in store for her from now on. ‘Of course I will be okay… We’ve got friends, and our lovely neighbours, and I promised mam I would join the church choir, I have plenty of things to do! Don’t worry about me, okay? I love you and I want all the best things in the world for you, and I understand you couldn’t find them here. I do.’

 When he finally hangs up, his eyes are a constellation of bright pink veins almost doodled around his bright blue orbs. There’s barely any life left in his gaze, aimlessly analysing the objects around his own house like he is merely a visitor in passing. It feels strange for him, the day has taken such a sudden turn and frankly, Caleb hasn’t been this messed up in too long to remember how to deal with it. Maybe he never knew the key to coping with grief, but then again, Luma was the one to take care of his heart when Atticus was no longer there. And now, what?

The apartment is dead quiet. Unsurprisingly so, he thinks to himself, but then the additional set of shoes by the entrance remind him he’s no longer alone. Her door is left slightly ajar, it may have opened during the night because of the windows he’d left open, or maybe she just went to the bathroom. And with each step closer to that doorframe, the more it feels like it’s not his room anymore – his study, with his books, with his days and months of walking around between those walls of books stacked on other piles of books trying to find the right words or rehearsing speeches, all that history now feel like just that: a collection of distant realities belonging to a dawned upon era.

She’s still sleeping. With her arms around one of the pillows and her head carefully placed on the other, she hardly resembles the Olivia he’d carried home morbidly drunk just a few days past. Her face is peaceful, white and balanced and there’s not a thing in the world tormenting her dreams. Still and quiet and curled up like a child, one bare shoulder shining in the morning sun. Thanks god she can’t see him, not like this.

 It takes a while to figure out where the building anger is coming from but he finally realises his back is aching, he’s been curled up in the most ridiculous position for the past three hours now and it feels like his spine might break through his skin and assume a more decent posture without him. It’s only then that Caleb takes a moment to stretch, blinking so hard he can see fireworks going off across the blackness of his closed eyelids. What time is it? Has everyone gone by now?

‘Holy sh-t’ he mutters, hands helplessly dropping in his lap and pulling the headphones out of his ears in the process. It’s a quarter to nine. He’s been in his office for a total of almost twelve hours, he hasn’t eaten a thing since breakfast and he can’t remember seeing anyone all day. Has anyone tried to talk to him? He wouldn’t know, and shame starts biting at his ankles and slowly building his way up. The entire office seems dark from what he can see behind the half-frosted glass walls separating him from the rest of the team. God, he needs a drink really bad, and it’s not water that could quench this sinking feeling of having no idea where his life is going, but maybe something stronger. He needs something to knock some sense into him and make him go home, Indra must be so impatient to see him, it’s unlike him to leave her alone for so long. The moment Olivia’s sleeping face comes back to mind he knows it’s definitely whiskey he’s looking for.

It occurs to him how stiff his body has been feeling only when he gets up and hears all his joints cracking one after another, almost weakened by his sudden decision to move for the first time in the past few hours. Caleb’s headed for the small coffee table he sometimes has meetings at, but is stopped halfway by what seems like the dark silhouette of someone sitting at their desk, a small light mimicking an aura around their head. For a wild moment the possibility of an intruder crosses his hazy mind, because everyone at Velocity knows six o’clock is the time to go home unless otherwise announced through a company email, and yet he can’t really convince himself a burglary is going on – whoever the supposed thief may be is too still to actually be malicious.  

So he goes on to pour himself a generous amount of whiskey in one of those glasses the cleaner had placed upside down on a hideous tray he’s been hating for the past six days, and then heads over to his door, opening it to an unexpected wave of cooler, more breathable air. Sh-t, he really needed to open his own windows now. It takes a while to make his eyes focus on whoever it was sitting at their desk at almost nine in the evening, but soon enough a small smirk settles on his lips and the next thing he knows, he’s blowing a whistle.

She’s startled, yet an amused look immediately covers her entire face as she turns around in her chair to face him. ‘Well hello there, caveman’ she jokes before getting up, stretching her own arms much like he did just a few minutes earlier. ‘You look like c.rap, how long have you been in there?’

‘I think maybe twelve hours? I’m a work addict, you know me’ he replies with a relaxed smile, taking a large gulp of the fiery liquid turning his insides alive again after a day-long shutdown.

‘You should get a life, Murphy. Or a girlfriend’ Rita speaks with that striking confidence he’s always liked in her, ever since they were first introduced in college.

‘Look who’s talking. Why’re you here?’

She pokes the inside of her cheek with her tongue before crossing her arms against her chest. ‘Well, I had some errands to run earlier today so I though I might as well just come in later.’ And then she steps closer, and closer, until she’s facing him from a reasonable distance, her eyes lingering on his, like she’s about to uncover the truth and call him out, and she opens her mouth to say something and he’s convinced she’s going to ask exactly what he’s not going to tell her, but instead the most casual ‘Is that whiskey right there in your hand?’ comes out of those bright-red painted lips and they both smirk at one another because they’ve known each other for too long to fool around.

 He doesn’t remember the full sequence of events now that he’s pulling his jeans back on, but she’s still bare and still laying on his desk lighting a cheeky cigarette because she, of all people in Velocity, knows he’s deactivated his fire alarm months and months ago so he could channel his anger or stress in emptying packs of white Marlboros. There’s so much cleaning up to do, but he honestly can’t be asked to gather everything from the floor and it doesn’t feel like time is moving anymore so he just sighs and makes his way to his desk and sits down on his chair, stealing the pack away from her fingers and lighting his own cigarette. ‘Well that was unexpected.’

‘You can’t say you’re disappointed though’ she says and turns to the side, balancing her weigh on her sharp elbow and god, he could paint her if only he could find the words to later explain to the world it’s not at all what they may think and neither he can explain why this happened and why it happened in the past but he could cross his heart it never meant anything. ‘It’s just a means of stress relief’ she told him when they first did it amid editing their dissertations in their final year at university. Simply that and never anything more.

It’s maybe an entire half hour until she finishes smoking and gets up from the desk, stepping around the things scattered on the floor like she’s making her way along field mines. ‘We should go get a drink or something, don’t you think?’ Rita offers, arms reaching behind her back to fasten her bra and moves on to thighs without waiting for his reaction. ‘Just a pub or something, I’m not feeling the clubs right now.’

‘I’ve got to get home’ Caleb finds himself saying out loud, despite having rehearsed his lines of approval in his head for the past ten seconds. And sure enough, she’s halfway through buttoning her blouse when she hears those words, and she just stops and turns around.

‘Why? You just fxcked me on your bloody desk and now you have to go home?’ Rita strikes back, and she’s got a point and he wishes he could agree with her and just say yeah, to hell with it all, why not hit the pubs for the night? But his mind won’t cling to the idea, no matter how hard he tries.

‘It’s Indra, I’ve been here all day and she’s not used to not seeing me for this long’ he comes up with a reasonable enough excuse which Rita seems to buy, because she’s back to getting dressed again, collecting her items from the floor with calculated precision. ‘But we could always have some drinks at mine.’

 They reach his dark staircase with only a quarter of whiskey left in the bottle he’s taken from his office on the way out, which they carefully pass back and forth away from the eyes of passers-by or possible officers patrolling around. Rita is laughing a lot and she’s loud and she says she’s not tired at all and will probably leave by dawn and it’s then that Caleb realises he should have told her about Olivia. Is she still at his place? She must be, and she’s probably expecting him, or wondering if that’s his thing, leaving before she wakes and returning after she’d passed out, and he wants to text her to tell her his coming home but he’s no obligation to do so, or a reason for that matter, so they just keep on climbing the stairs one flight at a time.

 The door’s locked just once, a sign that someone is inside. Caleb’s instructed Olivia to close the door twice if she ever felt like venturing around town, and she looks like the type of person who’d be careful to go by the house rules at least for a while. As they step in, Indra sprints to the entrance and Rita’s laugh echoes through the house – if Olivia was asleep, then this was definitely going to wake her. It’s too late for Caleb to prevent Rita, tell her about his guest and explain the weird circumstances, because her face goes completely blank in a millisecond and he just knows it’s worth turning around.

When he does, a barefoot version of Olivia is standing right behind him, pyjamas and facemask and cup of tea in hand, and she’s just as flabbergasted as Rita is, and Caleb himself too. A brief silence follows, enough for her to say hi or introduce herself or make any kind of remark about how unexpected this whole encounter is, but her lips are sealed and eyes remain just as wide until she turns around on her heels and heads back to her room with the speed of light. Rita doesn’t say anything for a while. Indra’s wagging her tail around her and begging for attention, but her eyes keep staring at the empty space where Olivia has been standing just moments earlier. And Caleb is about to say something, but she turns her head towards him and faces him with those deep dark eyes pinned right at his own, and a small smile is pulling up the left corner of her mouth but he can tell it’s not amusement, but rather intrigue that fuels it. ‘You’re a man of many mysteries, Caleb’ she says and turns right around, opening the door he’s barely just closed, making her way out and into the night.