#the dream home problem
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IDK why I have such Strong Opinions about the Hateno House Debate BUT for what it's worth;
my problem with the switch of Link's house becoming Zelda's house is that there's no in-game text I've seen referring to them living together, unless you interpret her saying Link never leaves her side that way, which would work for me, BUT the only thing that's really Link's is at the bottom of Zelda's secret well-lab that I'm pretty sure she mentions is also hidden from Link. I saw someone reference the Champion's Ballad picture in the house, too, but those were also Zelda's friends so of course she'd have it up. So I wish that chest was in the bedroom or main room so it felt more like Link actually lived there-- tbh my presumption was that before totk Link literally slept outside like a watch dog, cause it seems like the kind of thing a feral golden retriever like him would do. Like,they have a twin size bed? You cannot tell me neither of them flail in their sleep. If they both slept in that bed they'd wake up tangled in the sheets each sporting a black eye. And I think it's kinda sad if Zelda just like. Never pushed him to customize his own space. Idk I just want them to actually get to be people between games. ANYWAY all that is to say it doesn't matter because I'm assuming either the devs don't view Link as a character, he's just a guy that gets dropped into the world as an avatar for the player, and/or they want you to make up your own mind. So like whatever live ur zelink dreams! BUT the whole reason I'm writing this is BECAUSE I HATE. THE DREAM HOUSE!! LOL. So I'm like if they lived together, what's even the point of the dream house? I'm guessing the idea was either a) well if you want your own customizable space here it is, or b) if you prefer to think of them as friends, here! You can give Link his own house! But because it's such a big game the dream homes.... are terrible. They're ugly. They're depressing. I'm sticking my poor traumatized blorbo in a bunch of shipping containers and hoping he doesn't worsen his depression with vitamin D deprivation. And the decor is.... awful. Like don't get me wrong, I like the little pre-furnished rooms. But if you're gonna give me a house and a yard that big to customize you gotta give me like. Minecraft or animal crossing levels of customization because the landscaping is depressing as hell. I wanna be able to add windows and pots and tables and gardens I design myself, not buy a room pre-furnished. So, as a non-game dev who didn't break their back making this game and is instead enjoying back-seat designing from the comfort and ignorance of my home pc, what do I suggest? I wish!!! they let us!!!! Add on to the Hateno house!!! Wanna give Link his own space? Add a bed room for him. Add a storage room for his weapon displays. Upgrade the paddock. Add a shrine statue if you're too lazy to go into town proper! I really loved the landscaping of the old spot so the new one feels pretty sad to me (though don't get me wrong, the pond below the cliff he lives on is so cute, I love that spot). I wish we could at least add flowers and a proper pond to the main yard lol. Anyway I hope they get the chance to add more to the dream home if they wind up doing DLC despite their announcement to the contrary, but I understand the game is already a LOT of ideas and they aren't going to touch up all of them.
#totk#totk spoilers#the dream home problem#I'm rambling none of this matters#we got what we got interpret it however you like#I'm just greedy and crave More#and maybe I'm addicted to minecraft lol
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Did she keep you trapped?
#critical role#ygifs#fearne#cr3#the way fearne Immediately needs to liberate trapped creatures with a desperation that makes my heart ache :) comedy?? nah Trauma :)#a lonely little girl growing up in a nightmare and her heart is so big she only sees the dream#and she grows up believing with all her love that her parents Love her. her nana Loves her. and they'll be together one day.#and then it's growing up realizing just how dark the shadows were around her but no her home was always lovely it has to be#and it's not their fault if something hurts. if anything it's hers right. shes the solution for them of course she was the problem after al#the nana she loves can't be the hag who took her for a prize the parents she's searching for can't have left her behind.#her home was never a cage she just Has to free every trapped creature she sees#she'll laugh lightly and often and shrug it all away because it's not heavy. it doesn't hurt her. she's fine. she's fearne.#love nana morri to death also a thousand percent sure she modified little fearne's memory A Ton to keep her :).#how times did fearne try to run away crying only to be given a grin and a postcard and those fears are just one more thing taken from her#and it's all so lovely and nothing hurts and she's totally fine#my galpaloway
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Hob is woken, not by the shrill cacophony of his alarm or the sunlight hitting his face where they'd forgotten to pull the curtains last night, or even the warmth of Morpheus' hands and mouth, but by the sudden dip in the mattress as another person flops onto the bed with them.
Several lifetimes' worth of instincts see him jolting awake in an instant, heart racing and sweat already beading on his back and brow. Hob may not be able to die, but he's been ambushed in his sleep more than enough times to be getting on with, ta very much, and he's not keen to do it again. Suddenly he's twenty-five, and exhausted after days of marching on Troyes, feet sore and heart sorer, waiting on a battle that never came. He's twenty-eight, and the knife that flashes in the darkness misses his throat only because Herry has ears like a bat and enough blind-foolish loyalty to leap on their attacker's back. He's seventy-three, and lying barely-conscious among the dead that need burying or burning, and he knows that he needs to rouse himself even with the arrow still in his chest, or he'll be burnt or buried with them. He's two-hundred and sixty-four, and they've come to the home he'd made for his family, to drag him from the bed he had shared with his wife some thirty years before, and haul him away as a witch.
He's gripped now by the same fear, and it has him up and moving, one hand fumbling at the bedside table for anything with enough heft to dent a skull before he realises that none of his attackers have ever smelt like peaches.
Beside him, Morpheus shifts just enough to free his face from the clutches of his pillow.
“That key was given to you for use in emergencies, my sibling,” he says, voice thick with sleep and the cotton pillowcase.
Desire stretches luxuriously between them and smiles, fox-sharp, at Morpheus. They roll their head to look at him – beneath the perfume and sweat and wet pavement smell of them, Hob catches a sour waft of alcohol.
“Oh but my dear brother, this is an emergency,” they say, and – look, Hob has been drunk enough to recognise the exquisitely deliberate care at the edges of their words. He huffs a little, pushes himself up so that he can slap a hand on the bedside lamp and blink furiously against the sudden light. It takes a few seconds for his vision to clear, and he rubs his hands over his face in a vain effort to convince himself that this is some new nightmare that Daniel is testing out, before he gives in to the inevitable and turns to examine their guest.
"And what could possibly be so pressing at –" Morpheus snatches Desire's wrist up to stare blearily at their watch "– two thirty-seven in the morning? That could not be expressed in a phone call or wait until a reasonable hour?"
"Do you know, brother mine, how many partners I found to dance with? Whose desire for me, once so integral as to be a given, I had to simply guess at? To read in the curve of a smile or the enticing lull of a question? I didn't know them, not a one, and can you guess, sweet Dream, how many of them took me to their beds?"
And Hob has heard quite enough of that. He stretches and tosses back the sheets, while Morpheus shoots him a filthy glower that softens immediately into a plea for respite with his sole visible eye. Desire either doesn't notice this silent communication, or doesn't care.
“None!” They crow gleefully, clasping their hands, and Morpheus scowls as he's jostled in place.
It's not that Hob wants to leave him to fend for himself against his sibling, only that he doesn’t fancy being in the firing line when Morpheus inevitably snaps and thumps Desire with a pillow.
Doing an admirable job of ignoring Morpheus' wounded expression, Hob groans and lurches himself in the vague direction of the kitchen. Might as well put the kettle on for this.
"Jasmine or apple tea, love?" He calls. No sense having any caffeine now. If they're lucky, Desire will wear themself out quickly and they'll be able to go back to sleep before the alarm goes off.
"Apple, if you would," Morpheus replies.
"Ooh, I'll have jasmine if you're making."
"Didn't ask you!" Hob shouts back, already adding a spoon of sugar to the third mug he'd fetched down for them.
“Oh, so forceful! You know, if you ever get tired of my stick-in-the-mud brother here…” Desire trails off meaningfully, and Hob snorts, smiling a little to himself. They know full well it's not going to happen, however much or little they remember about his desires, and even if he were – impossibly – to change his mind about Morpheus, they'd get bored of him soon enough.
He sets all three mugs on a tray, and grabs a pack of chocolate digestives while he's at it. Morpheus would never admit to being fond of them, but he doesn't need to. Hob's watched him absent-mindedly devour most of a packet while he pecks one-handed at the keyboard. Besides, Desire could probably do with something to line their stomach.
“Is being human always this delightfully contradictory? So baffling and solid and… damp?” Desire asks, lifting their head just enough to peer at Hob as he re-enters the room. It's a moot question, of course. They've been human long enough now to know that the answer is, largely, yes.
“Often. But do you know, my sibling, the very best part of being human?” Desire turns lazily to look at Morpheus, smiling wide. Their lipstick today is dark purple, and smudged at the corners of their mouth.
“Mm, do tell. You know how much I crave your… wisdom,” they say, rolling the words indulgently over their tongue. Hob sighs and nudges Morpheus’ book to one side so he can set the tray down on the nightstand on his side of the bed.
“It is that it is no longer against the Old Laws for me to do this,” Morpheus says, planting one foot against their side and shoving hard enough that they topple off the bed with an outraged squawk and undignified thump. There's a blessed moment of stillness, the same kind of breathless anticipation that Hob remembers from the battlefield, before the charge and the mud and the pain. Then they pop back up over the side of the bed with a cry and launch themself at Morpheus. He'd be more worried if he couldn’t hear the laughter in their voice, nor see how their outstretched hands target Morpheus’ ribs and armpits, rather than his eyes.
Hob's sisters have been dead for centuries now, but he remembers this well enough. Maybe if the Endless had ever been anything like children, they might have gotten all of the murderous posturing out of the way before they grew up enough for it to be a problem, he muses. Still. Better late than never.
He takes a sip of his own tea and grabs a biscuit. Lord knows he won't get a look in once Morpheus has finished trying to jam his elbow into Desire's stomach and realises they're there.
“It was never against the Old Laws for you to be a bastard, which is lucky because you always were one!” Desire gasps, writhing away from Morpheus’ pointy limbs. Hob's been at the receiving end of those elbows before, and even when Morpheus is being gentle, they're decently sharp. He wonders idly if either of them'll tire of this before their tea goes cold, and decides not to intervene either way. Serve them both right if they have to drink cold tea.
“You tried to kill me!”
“Don't tell me you're still hung up on that?”
“I am, because you tried to kill me!”
“Well it's not like it worked!”
Not really the point, Hob reckons, but then again he's had plenty of mates that have tried to kill him.
“More by good fortune than good judgment,” Morpheus hisses.
“Oh, so you admit to your poor judgment?”
Hob snorts, and the wounded look Morpheus swings towards him would fell a lesser man. Hob takes another biscuit.
“Ha!” Desire takes advantage of his momentary distraction to lock their arms around his shoulders and blow a loud raspberry against his cheek. Hob doesn’t think he's entirely successful in hiding his smile. Morpheus doesn't even try to hide his look of disgust.
Well, he had to learn the downsides of being an older brother at some point, Hob supposes.
Judging that the worst of the scrapping is over, he perches on the edge of the bed and pats Morpheus’ flank idly. Desire, loose-limbed with alcohol and triumph, flops over him to reach for their tea. Morpheus magnanimously doesn't jab his fingers into their exposed side.
“Thank you, Robert darling,” Desire says, eyes half-lidded as they drink. It comes out far less coquettish than Hob imagines they intended; too genuinely content. Morpheus sighs, and frowns, and doesn't quite do a good enough job of hiding his own ease as he sits up and leans against Hob.
“I suppose you intend to stay the night?” Morpheus asks. There's nothing of the dignified dreamlord about him now, with his hair flattened on one side and just a little lank, and pillow creases on his cheek. He peers at Desire, half of his weight still supported by Hob, who takes another slurp of tea and polishes off the last of his biscuit. It's still unbelievable, sometimes, that he may see his dour and distant old stranger like this. Something tangible, something grounded, something he can hold. Unbelievable, too, after the way they had almost parted, after the way Morpheus had almost –
Well. Doesn't bear thinking about, really.
“Mm, yes, if you'll have me.” Do they have to work to make everything they say sound like a double entendre, Hob wonders, or does it come naturally? He's not entirely sure they even notice they're doing it.
“You're always welcome,” Hob says. “Guest room's all made up, and there's a spare toothbrush under the sink you can have.”
“How very kind. Dream, dear, isn't your man kind?”
“Unreasonably so.”
“Ta, love,” Hob says, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Desire rolls their eyes theatrically, as though that might mask how their expression softens. “Now drink your tea, I'd like to get a few more hours’ sleep before I need to get up.”
Morpheus grumbles but straightens up, plucking his mug from the nightstand and cradling it in one hand while he reaches for a biscuit with the other.
“Should we expect any of our other siblings to join us tonight?” He asks, managing somehow not to spray crumbs everywhere as he does so, which is a bit unfair. Hob has centuries more experience talking through mouthfuls of crumbly biscuits, and he still can't do as good a job of it. “I take it you did not venture out alone this night.”
“No I didn't, but don't worry,” Desire says, tilting their head back as they drain their mug, a neat ring of purple left behind on the ceramic. “My sweet twin is unlikely to make an appearance. I certainly hope, at least – she went home with that little exorcist friend of yours. If she comes here, then something’s gone dreadfully wrong.”
They grin, cat with the cream pleased at the expression on Morpheus’ face, and flick their hand in something like a wave. “Well, goodnight brother! Robert.”
They flounce away towards the spare room, and Hob presses his smile into the curve of Morpheus’ shoulder.
“I hate them,” Morpheus grumbles. Hob kisses the bony jut of skin where his t-shirt has slipped, once, twice.
“No you don't,” he says. Morpheus sighs, sets his mug down, and returns to hold Hob's face still for a proper kiss. Not that Hob would try to get out of it.
“No,” he agrees softly, pulling Hob down with him for a cuddle onto pillows that still smell a little of peaches. “No. I do not.”
#dreamling#dream of the endless#desire of the endless#hob gadling#This was originally going to be part of 'Em's retirement home for wayward Endless'#in which Dream retired and all of the other Endless followed (except destruction who didn't want someone else saddled with the job)#A sort of 5+1 thing with each of the ex-endless siblings interacting with dream and hob#and 1 of the current endless#But unfortunately my brain isn't up to that so you guys get this instead#Anyway I think a lot of problems would have been solved if Dream and Desire had gone through developmental stages like regular siblings#Here we see the 'toddler' phase. Hob is lucky they're not biting each other#Not exactly a writing tag
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The (N+1) Little Pigs
Where N is a comically large number.
From: Fairy Tales To Tell Other People's Children To Get Out Of Being Asked to Babysit In the Future: An Anthology
Once Upon A Time, there were (N+1) little pigs, who lived in a house with their mother. One day, their mother kicked them out to seek their fortunes in the world, because they were unemployed losers who turned their rooms into pigsties.
The First Little Pig saw a farmer selling bales of straw. "Aha!" he thought, "That looks like the perfect material to build a house for the minimum amount of effort!" He told his brothers this. They all looked at him like he was an idiot.
"A straw house is easy to build, but it's also easy to tear down!" said the Third Little Pig. "What if a wolf comes?" He started to show his brother studies about the maximum wind loads of straw houses, but the First Little Pig wasn't listening.
"Wolves are a hoax," said the First Little Pig. He bought the straw anyway, and built a rather ramshackle house.
The Second Little Pig laughed at the first little pig's foolishness, but when he saw a woodcutter selling sticks, he thought: "I want a big house, but I don't want to waste too much time building it. These will be perfect."
The Third Little Pig saw a bricklayer selling bricks, and thought: "These will make the strongest house possible. I'd like to see a wolf break into this!"
Soon, the Big Bad Wolf came along. He saw the houses the pigs had built, and he came up with a plan. He knocked on the door of the First Little Pig's straw house.
"Good Morning," he said to the First Little Pig. "Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior -"
"Go away, I'm playing Minecraft!" shouted the First Little Pig, and slammed the door in the Big Bad Wolf's face. So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan.
"Hi, I'm installing Rooftop Solar, do you have a moment to talk about -"
"Go away."
So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan.
"We've been trying to reach you concerning your car's extended warranty -"
"Die in a fire, Big Bad Bitch."
So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan. He knocked on the door one more time.
"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
The Big Bad Wolf peered in the window, and decided the hair on the pig's chinny chin chin wasn't much of a threat. It was kind of unimpressive actually. A neckbeard, even.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
Then the Big Bad Wolf huffed, and puffed, and blew the straw house to pieces, and that was the end of the First Little Pig.
He moved on to the Second Little Pig's house, and repeated the process, only without the several ineffective scams. He went straight to the threats and demands, which is an admirable quality in a villain.
"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
Then the Big Bad Wolf huffed, and puffed, and blew the stick house to splinters, and that was the end of the Second Little Pig.
The Third Little Pig watched his brothers' demise from his brick house, and made a smug FaceBook post about inferior construction methods. When he heard a knock on his door, he said without even waiting for the wolf to speak: "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
"Uhh, this is your neighbor Bob. I just wanted to check in and see if you're okay, I saw on NextDoor there were two houses blown in by a wolf, and my neighbor Dale said both the victims were pigs, so it seems like there's a pattern."
"Oh. Sorry," said the pig. "Don't worry about me, I've got the strongest house in the whole town!" and he patted the brick walls.
Bob the Neighbor left, and the Big Bad Wolf came along.
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
"Aww, come on, man, you didn't even give me a chance to knock!"
"This story's getting too long."
"Fair. Ahem… I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
The Third Little Pig waited smugly in his armchair, waiting for the wolf to tire himself out. But what he didn't realize was that his attic windows had blown in. The Third Little Pig had built his house with a gable style roof for aesthetic reasons, and he had neglected to install hurricane ties as required by building codes in many areas prone to high wind disasters. With wind blowing inside the attic and over the roof, it acted just like a wing! The whole roof lifted off the house and blew away, and without the structural support, even the sturdy brick walls collapsed, crushing the Third Little Pig armchair and all.
The Fourth Little Pig built his house out of stone, with structurally adequate roof design. The wolf huffed and puffed with all his might, but the house just wouldn't budge!
So the Big Bad Wolf waited for the Fourth Little Pig to leave the house. After a few days, this little piggy went to market, when this little piggy should have stayed home. But this little piggy had to buy roast beef, because this little piggy had none. This little piggy saw a familiar shape in the parking lot, and cried WEEE WEEE WEEE WEEE, half of the way home. Not all the way home, because he only got halfway there before the Big Bad Wolf caught him and ate him.
The Fifth Little Pig purchased a 7500 sq ft McMansion in a gated community. But the house soon began to fall apart due to its subpar construction, and the Little Pig lost all his money in the subprime mortage crisis. The bank foreclosed on him, and threw him out in the streets, where the Big Bad Wolf had an easy meal.
The Sixth Little Pig built a sturdy wooden house: not a flimsy stick one, but solid timber framing. The wolf huffed and he puffed, but he could not blow the house in. Instead, he poured gasoline all over the exterior walls of the house and lit a match. The house caught fire, and turned the Sixth Little Pig into fried bacon.
The Seventh Little Pig built another stone house, and a very nice one it was. In fact, it was a castle. But he'd built it on a swamp, so his castle sank into the swamp. So he built another castle. That one sank into the swamp. So he built a third one. That one burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one stayed up! And that's what the Seventh Little Pig's son inherited: the strongest castle in all of Pigland. However, when Wolfram the Conqueror invaded in 1066 AD, the Seventh Little Pig's castle proved incapable of withstanding the ferocious assault of the Warwolf Trebuchet. The Seventh Little Pig tried to surrender before the monstrous siege engine was even completed, but the Big Bad Wolf just laughed, and said there was no way he was going to all that effort to build such a large trebuchet and not use it. Soon the castle lay in ruins, and the Noble House of the Seventh Little Pig was broken.
The Eighth Little Pig built his house out of reinforced concrete. "I'd like to see you huff and puff this house down!" he boasted. "And I've got enough supplies in here to last for two years!"
But the Big Bad Wolf knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy, and the guy who a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy knew a guy who knew was an armadillo who worked in the demolitions industry. The armadillo set up several very large explosive charges all around the fourth pig's house.
"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!" said the Big Bad Wolf.
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
The armadillo laughed, and said: "Then Fire In the Hole! I'll blow your house in!"
With an almighty BANG! that stone house went away, And what happened to the pig isn't pleasant to say. The locals claim porkchops and cutlets rained down On Roofs, streets and sidewalks for three blocks around And windows were broken all over the town.
A-hem! Enough rhyming, back to the story.
The Ninth Little Pig didn't build a house at all. He just wasn't into it, man. Building houses meant being part of the system! He crashed on other people's couches and smoked weed all day. One day there was a knock at the door.
"Hey, man! Wanna buy some weed?" asked the Big Bad Wolf, who was wearing a clever disguise: he had a baseball cap, sunglasses, and a t-shirt that said "420." The Ninth Little Pig stared at him through bloodshot eyes. He scratched the hairs on his chinny chin chin. "Sure, man. Totally radical." He let the wolf in. The wolf was planning to eat him, but the smell of weed was so overpowering that he immediately became high, and they talked about metaphysical philosophy for three hours. Sadly for the Ninth Little Pig, after that the wolf got the munchies and ate him. Due to the sheer quantity of The Devil's Lettuce the pig had partaken in, the Big Bad Wolf was tripping balls for several weeks.
The Tenth Little Pig decided to move to a faraway land where there were no wolves and build his house there. On his journey he came to a bridge, where a troll was waitin for passerby.
"Ha ha!" said the troll. "You must pay the troll toll! I will eat you, delicious pig!"
"Wait!" cried the Tenth Little Pig. "My big brother is coming, and he has a house made of sticks! Wouldn't you rather eat him instead?"
"What." Said the Troll, and there was a long, awkward silence. "That doesn't make any sense."
"I think this is the wrong fairy tale," said the pig.
"I agree," said the troll, and ate him, so the Big Bad Wolf lost this round.
Later, the Big Bad Wolf came to a train track, where he saw a speeding trolley heading towards a switch. On the track ahead were five little pigs tied to the train tracks, on the other track was a single little pig. By pulling a lever, the wolf could make the trolley switch to the other track, saving the five little pigs but dooming the single pig. The Big Bad Wolf didn't pull the lever and allowed the five little pigs to be run over, because he was a Big Bad Wolf and killing more pigs was a desirable result for him. The Mad Philosophy Professor who had tied the pigs to the tracks and sabotaged the trolley's brakes lost his funding due to the lack of conclusive results, which just goes to show the importance of sound experiment design.
The Seventeenth Little Pig holed up in his house and refused to leave. The wolf waited and waited, but as he was waiting, he saw a little girl in a red hood wandering through the woods with a picnic basket. The Big Bad Wolf decided to try to eat her instead, but that is a story for another time. The Seventeenth Little Pig seemed safe, but little did he know that a deadly swine flu pandemic was spreading throughout the community.
The Eighteenth Little Pig built a very grand and sturdy house of brick and stone, but it had large windows that were easy to break into. One night, a pack of four Big Bad Wolves broke into his house. "What the Devil?" cried the Eighteenth Little Pig as he grabbed his powdered wig and Kentucky Rifle. He huffed, and he puffed, and he blew a golfball sized hole through the first wolf, shooting him dead on the spot. He drew his pistol on the second wolf, but it missed him entirely because it was smoothbore and nailed the neighbor's dog. He had to resort to the cannon at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot. The grapeshot shredded two wolves in the blast, and the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. The Eighteenth Little Pig fixed bayonets and charged the last terrified wolf, who bled out waiting for the police to arrive because triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. "Ah," said the Eighteenth Little Pig, "Just as the Founding Sounder intended."
The Nineteenth Little Pig went to college to become a Marine Biologist. This had many benefits, including living on a research vessel far away from any Big Bad Wolves. Sharks, on the other hand, were a different matter.
The Twentieth Little Pig didn't build a house: he hid in a cave, where he survived on a diet of 10,000 spiders per day and never left. He survived the Big Bad Wolf, but he is an outlier and should not have been counted.
The End
#shitpost#overly elaborate shitpost#the three little pigs#parody#memes#monty python and the holy grail#trebuchets#structural engineering#nursery rhymes#mixed metaphors#the three billy goats gruff#trolley problem memes#there are many benefits to being a marine biologist#explosions#musket for home defense copypasta#Spiders Georg#I wrote this fever dream of a post on very little sleep
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I've had this Dreaming The Proposal AU sitting in my drafts for a while. Then @voukkake comes out with this art and I figured it was time to brush off the dust and share what I'd written lol. This is seriously all I'm going to write so if anyone is interested I'm begging you to pick this up. I'm dying to read Dream awkwardly interacting with Hob's family (also @valiantstarlights suggestion that Betty White is Destiny?? ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT). Anyway...
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Dream is about to be deported because his visa application has been denied. He is in the middle of a meeting with his lawyers when Hob, his secretary, pops in the room to inform Dream of a very important phone call and Dream comes up with the insane plan to marry Hob to keep his immigration status.
He gestures for Hob to come over and Hob, clueless, wanders into the room and stands next to Dream, who takes him by the arm and tugs him just a little bit further to stand awkwardly close.
Dream announces their engagement and Hob stands there, shell shocked and feels his mouth moving against his will. That yeah, they are getting married. They are in love, sure. It isn’t until they leave the office, following Dream back to his, that Hob’s brain seems to come back online.
“What just happened in there?”
Dream grouses, head down, already back to his work as if nothing happened. Like he didn’t just use Hob as a pawn in his scheme to get around his denied visa application.
“They were going to make Morningstar editor-in-chief.” Is all Dream says, disdain dripping from every word. He still hasn’t looked up.
Hob stands there, still as a statue. His head is swimming with words, with emotions. Anger, disbelief, betrayal… and a small tiny flicker of undeniable interest that he hastily stomps out.
He manages to put the pieces together rather quickly though, while Dream continues sifting through paperwork.
“This is illegal,” Hob manages to croak out, brows furrowing.
“Oh, please. The government looks for terrorists, not book publishers.” Dream’s head is still down in his paperwork.
Hob blinks, taking a step up to Dream’s desk. “I'm not marrying you.”
“Sure you are.” Dream sets aside a stack of papers and finally gives Hob his attention. “Because if you don't, your dreams of ‘touching millions of lives with the written word’ are dead.”
Hob’s jaw drops. That was a line, corny as it was, that he’d used in the panel interview for this job. Three years ago.
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“Were you not in that room? I could get fined, I’ll go to jail over this. If you want me on this deal, you will promote me to editor.”
Without even glancing up from his phone, Dream scoffs.
“Absolutely not.”
“Well then I guess you’re screwed. Buh-bye.” Hob turns with a flourish and has to bite back a grin at how Dream splutters behind him and grabs him by the arm.
“Fine– fine! Editor.” His face seems to go through the five stages of grief. He drops his hold on Hob.
“And You’ll publish my manuscript.” Hob throws in. In for a penny.
Dream’s brows narrow and he shakes as if he’s physically controlling the urge to stamp his foot.
“Sure. I’ll publish your hack manuscript.”
“Good.” Hob slips his hands in his pants pockets, staring at Dream, deciding on one last nail in the coffin.
“Now do it properly.”
Dream cocks an eyebrow. “Do what properly?”
“Propose. Like you mean it.”
Dream’s entire body seizes up, but he manages not to let it show, distracting himself by slipping his phone in the pocket of his expensive slacks and clasping his hands in front of him.
“Will you marry me?”
“No.” Hob, the arrogant bastard, is visibly biting back a smirk. “Say it like you mean it.”
Dream takes a long, steadying breath through his nose.
“Hob Gadling. Will you–”
“And get on your knees.”
Dream absolutely refuses to decipher the thrill that shoots through his body at Hob’s command. Instead he keeps his mask of irritation and indifference on as he scans the crowd around them. They are still outside the courthouse, and the concrete sidewalk is going to potentially tear Dream’s Hugo Boss black wool pants.
So he carefully lowers himself, scowling as the smirk on Hob’s face only widens as Dream slowly settles onto the ground.
Once he’s as comfortable as Dream’s going to get, he clears his throat.
“Hob Gadling,” he glares at his subordinate from under his lashes. “Will you fucking marry me?”
Hob curls his lips in mock consideration, looking up past Dream’s head. He rocks back on his heels and nods with a forlorn sigh.
“Okay.” He still hasn’t met Dream’s gaze. “Could've done without the sarcasm but it will do. See you at the airport tomorrow.”
And turns and walks away, leaving Dream to fend for himself on the ground.
#dreamling#hob x dream#the sandman#my writing#i guess this is my niche now?#transcribing romcoms into dreamling fodder lol#i cant stop thinking about that *chefs kiss* perfect line on the airplane#when Dream asks Hob what he's allergic to. as a test.#and Hob confidently responds with 'tree nuts. and the whole spectrum of human emotion.'#or Dream cornering Hob at his family's home and getting in his face at how irritated he is by the taunting and teasing and that#Hob needs to step it up#and Hob. sly as ever. throws back: 'oh. thats no problem for me. i can be the doting. sweet. smitten fiance. but it's /you/...#... that needs to be convincing.'#and then he idk offers them to practice kissing in private and Dream is so mortified by the prospect but also.#.. definitely a little (a lot) interested#okay im done lol#the proposal au
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#working in a library is all cool and aesthetic and my dream job but fr the people are horrible#both libraries I have worked at had the worst team ever#everyone is hating and bitching#i left my old work because I cried like every second day and now at my new work one of my colleagues has a problem with me#I have an autoimmune disease and I'm staying more at home because of that than any other colleague#but like I'm disableded and they knew it when I started there#and now she is going crazy and all#and I worte a very passive aggressive text in the group chat about my disability and how people who read at work instead of working should#probably shut their mouth#now I'm shaking and feel sick because it was not I nice text I send and I'm scared of the follow up but i was so angry and can't any more#bullshit of her#like wth#sorry needed to vent#vent post#to delete
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sheet for kian
victor's sheet
#oc: kian micelli#ts4#I feel the need to bring out some backstory#Kian leaves his house early because he planned to start a career in a big city and he worked hard to make that happen.#He got a position where he may be promoted after getting a degree and achieving his dream job#but he didn't enjoy it as much as he was expecting which broke him#He returned home and soon discovered that he supposed to stay there#Victor however would work in his parents' business for the rest of his life but he found it difficult to adapt to adulthood#He dropped out of college moved out with his parents and is now attempting to figure out his future steps#and they first met at this point#Kian gave himself time to work with his parents all summer before beginning looking for a job#Victor wants to begin a new life.#Before Victor’s family lived there but after several problems that include his brother they left#and now that he’s returned rumors about his family keep being spread so he needs to find a strength#oc stuff#my sims
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I have started reading the vampire lestat and unfortunately he is my lil meow meow dumb bitch
#hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#if i think about him for more than 75 seconds i start sobbing hes crazy wazy#i know hed love saying aiight boom and mind you#hes just a silly goofy guy who just also happens to be the devil incarnate#hes a mamas boy he cant read a little piece of him has died every year hes lived at home he killed 8 wolves and shot his horse-#hes a dog mom he lost his virginity way too young to be healthy he has a cool ass jacket hes worried about his mama hes a spoiler#hes so lonely and he gets bitches like u wouldnt believe he has a drinking problem he was in the circus for a whole 31 hours and he cusses#hes the worst man youve ever met and somehow he skips along in your brain#hes like wendy williams to me#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire lestat#hes curious to a fault he loves his daughter even tho he never ever deserved to be her father he eats glass and dreams of the big city#french is his 3rd language he grew up with silver teeth and red juice stains in his mouth#he talks like he was raised by his grandma
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Before I went to bed, I saw a video on Youtube titled as "Your worries are unnecessary - it's all going to work out for you".
I was exhausted and in pain when I went to bed. I had a dream where everything went wrong: I accidentally messed up my TV's audio settings and couldn't fix it. I was supposed to just fold my dry laundry but I put my shower above the laundry on and then started to fold the laundry, getting it all soaked before I realized what I was doing. My front teeth from up and down were suddenly broken and in shambles so bad I didn't know how I can pay this all - and how the hell it had even happened.
As I sat down to book an appointment to the dentist asap I thought "This all is so horrible it feels unreal."
Then, I woke up.
I just have to keep remembering that all the bad is unreal, as there's really nothing bad going on in my life (outside the occasional health flaring)
#niu dreams#I slept so well in England but as soon as I got back home I had had problems with sleeping
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Being ace but also being people-pleasing enough that I think I'm not ace cuz I like to make my partner happy...is a mind-fuck.
#ace#asexual#trans#lgbtqia#trans man#ace trans#ace pride#ace problems#sex doesnt disgust me per se#for the most part#but I want it to be done fast#like yeah yeah just get there already#so we can get to the cuddles and lovey dovey stuff#can I actually just have lovey cuddles without the sex?#like for reals#that'd be great#but I know that isn't how the vast majority of people are#finding another ace?#ridonkulous#finding another ace around my age who likes me and who I like back?#may as well start my search for unicorns cuz I'll find one of those before a relationship#and y'know what I'm cool with that#dream home is a house in the woods far away from people#so I can wander barefoot in the forest without people wondering what in god's name I'm doing walking barefoot with coffee in hand#and if I'm being honest probably also a book#walking while reading is underrated#I used to rollerblade up and down the street while reading#I will forever associate Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with rollerblading and the scent of the fields by my house#anyways yeah#im an urban hermit dreaming of being a forest hermit
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I was going to say that Lilia was pleasantly wrong and that Malleus is nowhere near as bad as Mallenoa sounds, that he is actually pretty level-headed and calm despite having his moments and is considerably less temperamental and more mature than his mother but you know what. I forgot we are currently in this entire situation because of his selfish desire for everything to remain unchanging and poor emotional management to the point he overblotted and put not only Lilia but the entire NRC under a sleeping spell because of his unwiligness to engage with upsetting emotions and letting go of people he loves.
#his brilliant epiphany to lilia and mc leaving after seeing silver crying was literally#“huh. the answer to all my problems is obviously to hold everyone hostage while they slowly perish anyway due to dehydration + starvation”#huh. fuck me i guess. turns out he IS worse than mallenoa in a sense.#sometimes i forget how... childish?? malleus is; except his childish tantrums are very dangerous#which brings me to the point that yeah. malleus fucked everyone over; but he fucked over MC in particular#because they quite excitedly told him THE NIGHT BEFORE how they finally found a possible way back home#then he proceeds to trap them in a dream with everyone else preventing yuu the possibility of regaining their memories of their past life#or ever returning to their original world.#twst spoilers#twisted wonderland spoilers#disney twisted wonderland chapter 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland chapter 7 spoilers#malleus draconia#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#my posts
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Based on this. This is Tess's ideal relationship dynamic. btw.
I also took the chance to put her in Lillie's dress from Prettiest Platypus because it's so cute and I always thought I wanted to draw a character in it :)
#lis x tess x tilda#lis x tess#oc x canon#oc: tess meijer#tilda van der meer#elisabet sobeck#horizon oc#horizon au#oc art#deni's stuff#deni's art#image#of course. this ot3 would never happen because tilda's too possessive to share lis. only in tess's dreams...#and in mine. i believe this could've solved 50% of their problems 😐 or at least 50% of tess and lis's problems.#i don't think this is fixing whatever's wrong with tilda lmaooooooo#or. well. maybe a little. she could've taken tess to space and then she wouldn't have had to touch beta and aloy with a ten foot pole#i don't think tess would be too thrilled about going to space but if fross is going then she's going too.#see? i solved 1% of the plot! and all in a day's work! writer grindset 💪🔥👏🏆#just kidding. tilda would probably still want aloy so she can complete the ot3 again. and then tess would have to kill her#and then fross would get hurt and mad at tess for killing tilda and then run away from home and stuff... and that'd be a whole drama#and then tess would be left all alone in the world anyways 💔#but again. none of that would ever happen. tilda's too possessive.#and tess is repressed so instead of confessing to the love of her life she went and married her secret estranged brother instead 😭#whatever. i will continue to dream of a nicer reality where lis/tess is the canon path 👍
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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I think we glossed over the fact that Big Red just- went to Egypt for half a year, a little too quickly
#like in season 2 his thing was that Ash needed to stop with the dream board bc he liked working at Slices#and then season three he stayed home from camp to what? work at Slices#and suddenly because of a documentary he didn’t even watch he went to Cairo?#like I know he was partly running away from his problems bc he kissed seb but this man is a mystery what do you MEAN you went to Egypt
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Flint is Highwayman by the Highwaymen and Madi is Highwomen by the Highwomen but unfortunately Silver is The Pilgrim by Kris Kristofferson
#cocks gun you WILL all get on my outlaw country agenda or else#LIKE!!! Highwayman implies that the speaker is reincarnated as a fighter for freedom and justice almost against his will#Or like. like the last verse 'rest my spirit if i can' like he's tired and alone and he knows he will last forever but he just wants to be#a single drop of rain. a resting spirit#he wants it to end#highwomen is a collective. a chorus of voices#we are eternal you banish us and we return in every form we are here and we return#she is a leader of outlaws and of women and she is never resting until justice is done#and silver?#well he's wasted on the sidewalk in his jacket and his jeans wearing yesterday's misfortunes like a smile#once he had a future full of money love and dreams which he spent like they was going out of style#and he keeps right on a-changin for the better or the worse searching for a shrine he's never found#never knowing if believing was a blessing or a curse or if the goin up was worth the coming down#he's a poet (he's a picker) he's a prophet (he's a pusher) he's a pilgrim and a preacher and a problem when he's stoned#he's a waLKING CONTRADICTION!#PARTLY TRUTH! AND PARTLY FICTION!#TAKING EVERY WRONG DIRECTION ON HIS LONELY WAY BACK HOME!!!#there's a lotta wrong directions. on that lonely way back home :(#black sails
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Just kinda the vibe lately ~
#personal#mine#its not even that life sucks lately#its that for a moment it was just so good#sure#it wasnt perfect even then#all the problems didnt disappear#and Id argue that midway through I did crash#hard#like every time life is kind#and it all feels too good to be true#do you know how heartbreaking it is#to learn that things dont have to be the way they are?#things have arguably been on the side of good since ive been back#really#its hard because it doesnt hurt#and it'd be easier if it hurt.#instead its this dream thats slipping through my fingers#I don't think I can remember most of it other than knowing it happened#remembering the realization that things could be different#a strangled pleading broken voice in the silence crying out that things were different!!#but I don't get to remember what it felt like anymore#its already slipped through my fingers like when the sun was setting over the sandy shore and i tried to cradle the ocean in my small hands#and take all that she was#an expansiveness I couldn't and still can't hope to fathom#home with me.#essays in the tags
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