#the downside is i am very competitive

[bestworstcase]

Not to be weird or anything but...there was admittedly a time where I've doubted a lot of your takes on Salem, the direction of the story, etc. Scoffed at them, even. But V9 has really led me to reevaluate RWBY in more ways than one with unreliable narration literally being a core function of it's narrative, and reading your analysis and meta has helped deepen my own appreciation towards the show than ever before. And dare I say it, I think I'm a Salem Truther now jsshjshjshshj So all of this to say I'm glad you're a part of this community, genuinely. And I'm always eager to hear your thoughts on the show and on storytelling as a fic writer. I'm not entirely sure what possessed me to write this ask now, but it's something I've been meaning to say for a good while, lol

<3

jrhdfgj the salem truther situation has been really kind of wild because frankly i spent like two years going “no… there’s no way… i am reading into small details and hanging MASSIVE assumptions on a grammatical quibble… there’s no fucking way.” i was so prepared to be let down by volume nine.

’cause the thing is, like, this is what i do. right. points at my blog header. that little gremlin has all the characterization of a soggy scrap of tissue paper in canon and i made a salem out of her. give me an evil witch and i will invent a salem out of whole cloth if i have to, every time. like. i won’t argue it’s textual when it isn’t but i will write the elaborate au about her in my head if nothing else.

this is My Thing.

salem’s the first time i’ve ever felt like. i hadn’t gotten any further than “oh yeah i’m going to be so normal about her once i finish digesting i can tell” before the lost fable slapped me with the richly interesting emotionally complicated tragic backstory i normally have to make up myself and i was like… excuse me?? and then the next episode was the bait-and-switch “villain mauls the messenger except no she doesn’t and when she loses her temper she sends everyone out of the room before exploding the windows” scene and i was like IS THAT ALLOWED.

this has never happened to me before!!!

so it has been. uh. WHACK to get v9 going okay here’s every expectation you had met and surpassed. grbfxhk there was one point when v9 was first airing while i watched an episode—can’t remember which—and pulled the gf over to go “i am right. about everything?!” because it was so shocking to me.

i was so ready to be like [sighs] ah well, there’s always time does this. and then enjoy the rest of the story for what it was. jrhfhfjdks what do you MEAN they’re writing it for ME

thrilling!! still shocking!! the salem screeds will continue until morale improves 😊 

[cappurrccino]

[kicking my feet up like a schoolgirl, daydreaming about working at NASA]

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

something that's been tickling my brain for the last couple of days and kind of bugging me is that seemingly from the extras (Xie Lian being powerless against the amnesia monster etc), breaking his cultivation really DID sap Xie Lian's power.

Like. Okay. So Xie Lian spends the bulk of the story with his power shackled, reliant on borrowing it from other people when he needs it. And then there's this huge pivotal moment when he is freed from those shackles by Hua Cheng's sacrifice, freed by love to be empowered and fight his own battle, etc etc it's very beautiful. And then Hua Cheng comes back and they get married and the consummation of that same love that freed him strips him of his power and puts him right back to having to borrow it?!?! (albeit sexily😆) As much as I love this story, I'm having a hard time being satisfied by that.

My instinct is to want something like this: We know that in this universe the beliefs of the worshipers have at least some impact on the gods they worship. Xie Lian hasn't had worshipers besides Hua Cheng in centuries. And the new followers he's slowly gaining worship him as he is, not as he once was. They're barely aware of him as a prince, or of Xianle at all. They don't know or care what his cultivation path was. They just know that he was with them in Banyue Pass and Mount Yujun and so on; that he faced the serpents fearlessly and that he fought off the ghost brides and that he is kind and compassionate and brave and also clumsy and a terrible cook. They know him helping in the fields outside Puqi Shrine with a handsome lad in tow. And so when he breaks his vows to seal new ones, Xie Lian expects to lose his power. But when he reaches tentatively for it afterwards, he finds it all still there. Because no one needs him to be a virgin anymore. No one needs him to be free from anger or competitiveness or sorrow or love. No one needs him to push aside every human impulse and desire and emotion. The worship of those who love him -- and most especially of the One who loves him most -- frees him to be the god he is, and to have power as he is.

Anyway. This isn't necessarily a critique so much as a question...am I missing something? Because I very much like MXTX's writing and it's generally very intentional so that's entirely possible. Is the way I would like just too obvious? Too happy an ending with no downsides? Is there some narrative theme I'm not quite grasping? I would love to hear (kindly voiced 😅) opinions!

[milkteaarttime]

Viktor Info!

My characterization of Viktor! cause I have been neglecting my boi a lil

I(’d like to preface this by saying I am aware that ODIN may not have struck Seattle but for the sake of my OC’s backstories I’m saying it did since it was mentioned lmao)

General 

Name: Viktor/Shuyi Wong

Age: 23

Eye colour: golden brown

Hair colour: Black

Hairstyle: Grown-out buzzcut (Occasionally will have it buzzed shorter but not as short as Hesh or Merrick)

Height: 6’5 He is a big boi 

Body/Build: beefy boi, broad shoulders, Muscular, and athletic (Think like this guy: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMhLrA5mG/)

Blood type: Type O Positive

Profession: Tech and intelligence 

Childhood/Life:

Viktor was born in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. He was a preemie baby and received a lot of attention and a bit of coddling growing up due to having lots of medical issues. Since he is slightly medically fragile, his family always doted on him. “Don't forget your puffer!” “Viktor you have your medicine??” 

He was scrawny and short and nerd ™ until puberty slammed him in high school 

Viktor has always been huge about STEM, loved space and rockets and robotics, and would have wanted to be a NASA engineer or someone who did technology innovations etc. He was brilliant and did well at school, even better than Latte. If Latte's average in high school was 93%, his average is 97-100% He excelled in STEM subjects 

He was the sibling who wasn’t always required to help out with the family’s business. His parents saw his intelligence as too good for the small family business and often encouraged him to go do extracurriculars or clubs after school. When he did help out, he manned the cash registers since Latte was not good at counting money. 

His parents often wanted him to behave more like Latte, drawing comparisons between the siblings, and occasionally pitting them against each other. This upbringing caused him to lash out often and become the blunt competitive chaotic mess he is today. 

Personality:

Viktor is an energetic, brilliant, resourceful, sharp-witted and knowledgeable person. He craves the mental stimulation of learning but often plays devil's advocate just for the fun of it. He is charismatic to those who get along with him and downright a pain in the ass to those he would often oppose. 

Some downsides can be him being too argumentative, and in a way that is abrasive and hurts other’s feelings. He can be intolerant or insensitive when he thinks someone is wrong or not being effective/efficient in his opinion. 

He is also a Yapper ™ like his sister, but only about his ideas and thoughts. Great if you can match his level of wit; if not, it can sound like he is being condescending and arrogant, even though he doesn’t intend it. 

He doesn't apologize in significant ways, as in will say“My bad bro” but rarely sorry. 

Secretly really guilty and carries a lot of self-hatred regarding the guilt he feels toward his parents and Latte. (especially Latte)

ODIN:

Similar to Latte, Viktor’s life was changed drastically when he insisted he wanted to Seattle for his birthday at the end of July, however, their parents only had time off at the beginning of summer, since Summer is prime restaurant business times in Canada. Especially with school giving out in late June, So they departed on the 10th of July. 

When Odin struck, he was knocked semi-unconscious, he could still hear the chaos around him. He remembered hearing his mother’s last words very clearly as that was the only thing he could focus on with his limited consciousness. Latte pulls him out afterwards, where he regains enough consciousness to look at the wreckage of their car and the roads and the people around them. Before passing out completely.

Viktor and Latte were both sent back to Canada by the US gov to live with a family friend they were close with, during this period Viktor would throw himself into studying robotics.

Professional Experience:

Viktor had incredible records of innovation and was very resourceful, he took part in the high school robotics team, and the coding and programming club, learned mechanic elective courses in high school, and had hobbies in building technology. He was also taking online courses regarding STEM subjects, programming, and, and sneaking into college classes/getting his college friends to send them their Engineering assignments to study off of.

However, despite being offered scholarships from decent universities, he refused them and opted for the military instead. He was 17 he wanted to join the military (further explained in his in-depth personality post coming up). The family friend housing him and Latte was eager to send him away since he was an abrasive person and often would clash with their children. Latte had tried her best to convince him out of it but he fought her hard on it. So he joined the Marines after turning 18. 

Due to unfortunate events caused by the negligence of his higher-ups and somehow major military oversight made by his team and the group he was with. It cost him his leg, he was sent away to heal from his injuries. He passed all the requirements to be a part of the military again but his team put in a bad message of him because he was tough to get along with. Thus making him unable to return to his military career, until Kick found him tinkering and upgrading stolen drones using pretty impressive robotics, mechanical, and coding/programming knowledge. He was then offered a prelim position to the Ghosts. 

Currently working with Neptune, Livi, and Kick to train under them. But is Kick’s disciple technically. 

Skills: 

Incredible tech ability due to lifelong interest and experience with Robotics, programming/coding, and mechanical skills. 

His mechanical skills can extend past computers and hacking to vehicles. Can probably build a PC in his sleep. Can also fix up a car like no one's business. 

Incredible resourcefulness with limited supplies and ability to find ways to acquire knowledge. Mmm, brain stimulation. 

Big-brained ™, super intelligent, like dude why tf do you know so much? Why do you want to know more? 

Pretty good fighter who can scrap and swing on ppl, his height and muscular build def help. 

Strangely flexible? Can kick high. Enemies might think they are fist-fighting him and suddenly you get a kick version of an uppercut. (an upper kick?)

Picked up Spanish and Morse code. Knows a little sign language

Fun facts:

Cannot speak Chinese past a few words, sucks at the tones, can understand some Mandarin, and maybe count to 10. Opposite of Latte. Whitewashed af

Strong legs, kicks like a horse

Goes silent when angry, dead quiet, just gives a “You done? Okay my turn” look

Tends to say things he may regret when angry^

Hits his head on stuff bc tall

Tried breakdancing for his crush when he was younger, but got rejected bc he sucked ass. 

Probably can play drums, often got scolded by teachers as a child for playing his pen like a percussion instrument in class. 

[tooneys-russo]

BOOTS AND BROKEN HEARTS

Previous Parts: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Summary: Alessia and her UNC coach Willa have a bit too much chemistry. Only downside is that Willa has a girlfriend.

CHAPTER 5

The game in Miami was frustrating to say the least, Alessia continuously got knocked to the ground by their defender. Willa was furious with the referee, before they had even gotten to half time Anson sent Willa to the changerooms to cool down. It was also accompanied by a glare by Alessia. When the team entered they looked tired and defeated. Willa stood up the back and watched the girls walk in, she went over to Sydney and spoke to her about some tactics. Anson tried his best to lift the girl’s heads, they were still at nil all but they thought it would be an easy game, instead they were faced with a very physical game and they were trying to keep up. Alessia closed her eyes and leant up against her locker, when it was time to get back on the field she was the last to get up. Willa walked behind her, “Target the right side, that is their weakest side. Cut it back into the box and you’ll have a shot.” Alessia nodded and continued walking. Willa stayed in the changerooms, knowing that she may be a bit of a distraction. It wasn’t long before she heard a cheer, including the voice of Lois meaning that UNC must have scored. At the end of the second half when the girls came into the rooms they were cheering and celebrating Alessia who scored the only goal for the game. Willa stood back watching the team, especially seeing Alessia’s face light up as the girls rallied around her. Anson began to speak, the girls calmed down slightly and Willa went to her office. She waited until the girls were leaving to find the blonde. 

Finally Willa saw the blonde heading to the car park and followed her, “Can we please talk?” Willa grabbed Alessia’s hand and she pulled it back immediately. “About what? My game? Or the fact that we did something stupid.” Alessia snapped. “I know we did! But to be honest I don’t regret it. For the first time in a long time I actually felt something with someone. A real connection.” Willa tried to step closer to Alessia but she took another step back. “If you actually felt a connection Willa you would have ended it with Jennifer. But no. You kept flirting with me and like a stupid kid I flirted back. You wanted me just as bad as I wanted you and you ran right to her after what happened. Just leave me the fuck alone, you need to work out your own shit and leave me out of it. I will respect you as a coach but as a person you suck.” Alessia got in her car and drove off quickly. “FUCK!” Willa punched her car window and immediately felt pain shoot through her knuckle and hand. 

“Care to fucking explain what that was Willa?” She heard the familiar voice of Jennifer, perfect. “What happened between you and that little slut?” Jennifer walked over and crossed her arms over her chest. “We kissed.” Willa examined her hand not wanting to look at Jennifer. “What happened between you and Alanna?” Willa turned to Jennifer. “Um, we are talking about you.” Willa laughed. “Oh please I know you two fucked, everyone knows, Ali and Ashlyn felt horrible for me the two times I spent time with you and the team.” Jennifer rolled her eyes. “Yeah so? You cheated too so we are even.” Willa leant up against her car. “This isn’t a competition Jennifer. We are shit together. We don’t work and we aren’t happy. We aren’t 18 anymore, I am fucking miserable.” Jennifer stepped back. “You are dumping me? For who? That college girl? Wait till she really finds out who you are. I will give you credit Willa, you are a great fuck but you are truly a shit girlfriend. You are nothing without me, just a hasbeen who will never step foot on a football field again” Willa clenched her jaw. “That girl won’t give you the time of day when she makes it.” Jennifer continued to yell, Willa looked at the ground completely torn down by Jennifer’s words, they were true Alessia was made for greatness and she was never going to get close. “Then I guess you and I are the same then, you aren't that good either.” Jennifer slapped Willa across the face, cutting her lip. “Fuck you Willa.” Jennifer began to walk away, Willa spat out some blood on the floor. “You already did Jennifer or can’t you keep count?” Jennifer got into her car and sped off. Willa looked at her face examining the handy work that Jennifer did, which she completely deserved.

Lotte and Lois had heard and seen everything that happened. They quickly rushed back to their dorm and gave Alessia a rundown of what happened. “I mean at least you know that she would have been good in bed.” Lois said and Alessia shot her a glare. “But just as I suspected she’s a shit girlfriend.” Alessia sighed. “Sounds like they were both shit to each other.” Lotte was sympathetic to Alessia’s feelings but also felt that whatever was going on with Willa and Jennifer was toxic. Alessia was worried about Willa’s face, but she couldn’t reach out to the girl after everything. They both had sleepless nights and looked terrible at training the next day. Willa had wrapped a compression bandage around her hand hoping to stop the swelling and wore sunglasses to cover up as much of her bruised cheek and black eye as she could. The girls whispered about the coach’s new look as she stood on the sidelines as the girls were running. She had a chat with Anson about what had happened and he sent her to the hospital for scans, she groaned but left which led to even more gossiping. After dinner during the film session Willa was back without her sunglasses showing the damage on her face, her hand was in a splint with the x rays revealing she had a fractured knuckle but nothing much could be done. Willa sat up the back and Alessia resisted her urge to look back at the brunette, Willa couldn’t resist looking at Alessia during the film session. 

They had a massive game the next day but they both struggled with being able to focus, Alessia didn’t move as the rest of the team left. Willa cautiously walked down the steps and stopped at the bottom, she turned and looked at the blonde whose eyes focused on the blank screen. “Alessia, there are not enough words in the world to express how sorry I am for what I did.” She walked up and sat a few seats from Alessia. “I fucked up royally, I should have stopped what was happening, but to be honest I didn’t want to. I don’t regret it, I am sorry that I hurt you but being with you whether it was just kicking a ball, sitting and talking or when we made out in here it was the best I have ever felt.” Willa leant over and touched Alessia’s leg. “I can’t do this with you. I just can’t Willa. I messed up too, I knew you had a girlfriend and I pursued you as well. So I am sorry for my part but we can’t continue this. I need to focus on my football, this is all I have ever wanted” Alessia wiped away a tear and rushed from the theatre. Willa put her head in her hands and sat there for a few hours, going over everything that had happened between them. She was an idiot for not leaving Jennifer sooner and just going all out for Alessia.

Willa had done her best to avoid Alessia, the blonde had done the same. Neither of them could be in the same space for long. They had danced around each other for weeks, there had been small comments made to one another but nothing substantial, just polite. Alessia and Willa had a few more sessions but there were now other players who were in on their extra sessions, no longer was Willa holding Alessia in drills or their bodies pressed against one another. To her credit Willa was able to still get her message across to all players and was seeing an improvement in Alessia with each minute. It was phenomenal to watch her, Willa was captivated by the blonde. At the end of training Alessia hung back to chat to Willa, their first conversation in weeks. “Thank you.” Alessia stood in front of Willa. “I can feel myself improving.” Willa nodded. “Yeah you are looking great out there. It is nice to see you with your head over the ball hitting the back of the net and not the crossbar.” Alessia rolled her eyes. “I am trying to say thank you and you are being a dick.” Willa smiled slightly at Alessia. “Yeah sure, thank you for the appreciation. Now rest up. You covered 11 kilometres today, well done.” They walked away from the pitch in opposite directions, both of them avoiding looking back at the other. 

The next day the team were getting warmed up for the Wake Forest game, they were a physical team and Willa knew that the girls were up to the task. Willa received minimal interaction from Lotte and Lois, who knew all about the love triangle and were very pissed at their coach. Willa stood on the sidelines with her sunglasses on and cap on trying to hide some of her shame. The first half was hard, Alessia was being targeted and when Willa yelled at the referee and was cautioned for her outburst. Lois watched Willa closely. “They can’t just grab her and pull her down without a foul being called. There isn’t a fucking ghost out there, she is going to get hurt if they don’t call something.” Willa paced behind the bench. Three minutes into the second half, Willa’s prediction came true. Alessia was running with the ball down the right wing when one of their defenders slid with studs up into Alessia, a crunch was heard and Alessia screamed at the impact. Willa rushed on cursing the referee for not controlling the game earlier. Alessia was clutching her right shin and Willa touched her side. “Fuck.” Alessia whimpered as she sobbed, their medic was on the phone to get an ambulance they got her on a stretcher and into the change rooms, Willa followed close behind. “It's okay Alessia, there will be an ambulance here soon.” She put her hand on Alessia’s arm, the blonde gripped onto Willa’s hand and groaned in pain. Willa held Alessia’s hand and rubbed it gently. While they waited for the ambulance Willa tried to calm Alessia. 

When the ambulance arrived they immediately gave Alessia painkillers, Willa knew that Alessia most likely broke her leg and that it was her season finished. Alessia slowly became more and more incoherent from the painkillers, they loaded her into the ambulance and Willa jumped in with her. Alessia mumbled and grabbed Willa’s shirt, “I can’t hear you Less, you okay.” Alessia laughed and looked at Willa. “I miss talking to you.” Willa sighed, the drugs had kicked in. “You. Good. Football.” Willa smiled at the girl and Alessia closed her eyes and hummed, the paramedic cut off her boot and she groaned. “Ouch.” Willa rubbed her hand as they then took off her sock and shin guard. Willa’s eyes widened as Alessia’s leg looked a little misshapen. “Is it okay?” Alessia looked at Willa. “Yeah it’s fine, you are all good princess.” Willa sat in the waiting room while Alessia was taken into surgery to set the broken bones in her leg. Her tibia and fibula were both broken just below her shinbone. Willa called Anson to update him on what the plan was, he had already called Alessia’s parents in the UK to let them know what had happened. Her Father was going to fly over to take care of her, Willa hoped that he didn’t know what had happened between them.

CHAPTER 6

[struwberrii]

hiii! i would like to request a match up please 😚🙏🏻

romantic matchup

she/her + matched up w a guy

terushima

someone with good humor, more extroverted than i am, and isn’t afraid to show me off. i also love smart and tall guys!

i’m pretty adventurous, i love learning and trying new things even if it is out of my comfort zone. i’m also very attentive to others and i love listening to people talk about their passions and hobbies to learn more about them. one downside about me is that i tend to get very engrossed in my studies (i take a lot of advanced classes), so i tend to put my own needs and others aside.

i love shopping/going out in general, and i also play softball competitively. i like watching sports in general, but mainly volleyball and tennis. i find it more enjoyable when i’m actually participating though (even if i suck 😭). i like doing self-care things too like skincare, & getting my nails and lashes done. i like photography, and taking pics w my digicam

giving: acts of service, gift giving. receiving: acts of service, quality time

a fair/festival/amusement park

i’m 5’3-5’4, and i have long dark hair, i’m filipino+chinese. i tend to switch styles between abg/streetwear, stockholm, and coquette bc im indecisive! i also wear glasses and contacts, normally contacts when i’m playing and practicing or when i’m just out of the house in general. my glasses are oversized and i normally just wear them when i’m at home.

INTP

thank you sm!!! have a nice day/night 🫶🏻

match up: kuroo tetsuro ⋆˚🐾˖°

hope u likey :3

there’s no doubt kuroo is a very smart man. i mean he ended up being pretty successful being a sports promoter at like 22 or something which i can’t imagine would be easy for any normal person. also he gets real creative with his scientific insults in the show quite often 😭.

kuroo also has a way with his words. he’s very outspoken and would definitely be the kind of guy to stand up for you if someone’s ever rude to you or if they put pickles on your burger despite you asking for no pickles. he’s the type of guy to say what you’re thinking for you. i can also imagine him constantly bragging to his friends about you to the point where he’s actually obnoxious 😭

like “we get it bro ur in a happy relationship”

but he’s only obnoxious when it comes to you. i can also see him being like your #1 fan, everything you do he’s literally praising you for.

[notthemonthbutmarch]

Inital Reactions to Natlan characters

Spoilers for the Ignition Teaser

First of all, way to many of these bitches are white. We just had a nation full of white bitches, it was France, it’s time for melanin.

Anyways

Mualani and Kachina are adorable. I’m hoping Kachina is their giveaway character because I genuinely like her. Plus I’m on a self proclaimed mission to have every Geo character. Right now I’m missing Albedo, Chiori, and now Kachina.

Why did everyone start obsessing over him immediately? He was the palest of the bunch and his design and personality is just dendro Xiao. I think his little Dino friend there is more interesting than he is. At least Mualani seems interesting, she looks like a Pokémon trainer to me. He’s just… boy.

This girl is was the very first new character we saw and she cemented that I set my hopes to high. Nonetheless, I like her vibe?? She might be an introvert, but instead of the “uwu I’m so shy don’t talk to me” personality, she’s more like “ew go away get out.” Apparently her name is Citlali. I like her, wish she was fucking darker but I like her.

HELLO?? Oh my Geo lover heart… I’m being given a hot geo woman! And she’s of the darker variety, so that’s nice. She’s giving Lisa. I’m someone who gets hooked on personalities though so I’m hoping she’s written well so that I like her immediately and this actually pull her. Again, self proclaimed geo main. I have to collect geo.

I am BEGGING Hoyo to make Iansan a four star. Please make her easy to get. Put her on a banner I’ll pull on. Don’t do me like you did Heizou. An absolute must pull in my eyes. Crossing my fingers that she’s a four star and is on Xilonen’s banner (there’s no way Xilonen is gonna be four star if she is that’s a crime).

I’m sorry she’s the worst one out of them all. League of Legend looking ass. She’s screaming “sex appeal character.” I get it, it’s a gacha game, but I just feel like Genshin saw the success of Clorinde and tried to do it again but… pyro? I think? Anyways pretty easy pass. If she turns out to have a great personality I’m gonna tear my hair out.

Mavuika is… interesting. On one hand, I love her fiery hair, I love her eyes, I love her personality. On the other… she looks like she belongs in NASCAR. She looks more like a racer chick in an arcade racing game than Fire God of Fantasy Mexico. However, I’m hoping my prayers have been answered. Mavuika seems strong AND well respected by her people. It isn’t an either or situation like Ei or Nahida (I’ve explained in a much older post). It seems like people hold her in reverence, respect her strong, and she in turn respects her people and honors their strength with competition. She’s strong, she’s respected, she has a cool personality— the only downside to her rn is her pale ass sick and racer chick outfit. I think Genshin got a bit to excited about ZZZ, she looks like she belongs there.

I have more thoughts about Mavuika, but I feel like those should be saved for their own post.

Now who is that? Who are you??? I can’t get a good read on them, but guessing by their chest I think it’s a man. Who is this guy and what’s he doing with Capitano??? Where is Columbina??? Where is my murder angel???

I cannot deny that Capitano looks sick. I bet his lore is gonna be insane. I’m still holding out for a Columbina appearance and I really hope she gets to be playable, but if we somehow skip her and get Capitano instead… I don’t think I’d be to mad about it. I want the ladies to win but Capitano is just… interesting. Idk.

[xluxsolarisx]

23/24, 48 and 49 :3

23. A talent I have

chess!!! i'm good at it, it's fun, and i get to feel smug every time i beat someone. no downside :3 i guess something less tangible would be like. essay writing and legal studies and i like to think i have an eye for fashion ^^ also i'm the number one pirater/shoplifter ever since i was a child. come with me take my hand let's not pay for stuff together ok?

24. An unusual talent I have

i am Very good at picking out spices in food. if you give me something i can guess the spices in it with around 90% accuracy. it's funny because i was a picky eater for a while growing up so i knew what i was tasting i just didn't like it. also i can name and describe clothing pieces, styles, and fabric and it makes me sound like an absolute ponce it's great. more mundane stuff i can do the wave with my eyebrows and wiggle my ears without touching them

48. Something I want to do before I die

go to death valley and stargaze and see the milky way and learn a new language and write something and watch a meteor shower and see snow and get a house with a backyard where i can plant all the flowers i want and get a cat and learn how to swim and learn how to do needlepoint and see a musical live and fall in love and be loved back and i don't know. everything i guess

49. Something great I’ve already accomplished

ummm i got into a good college? that's pretty great i guess....i won a debate competition? i could also say i'm pretty well travelled and made the honor roll every year since high school and now dean's list :3

[darkx-the-dragon-kn1ght]

Chapter 34- Part 5

And there it is!! That's where the next encounter is (yeah, remember that this was all so I could catch another event Pokémon?)! Some of you might recognize where this is going, but for anyone who may not…well, observe.

I've got four of them now, I think Xera can spare one of them for the mysterious tower.

That's right, it's heckin' Spiritomb! Incredible!

This shouldn't be too challenging- use Glare™ to paralyze, Crunch for damage, and then…

There, that should be enough! Great Ball time!

I read that one of Spiritomb's possible inspirations is a spirit from Norwegian folktales that is forced to carry around a stone as a punishment. And, y’know- punishments, kinda relate to the idea of karma, and- yeah!

Now, that's all for encounters, so now it's time for theorizing and planning. The upside is that I do have some prior experience battling a Poison monotype team worthy of a Gym Leader via the Corey fight, and there is actually some overlap between Wasteland and Corrosive Field. So, while Wasteland is a very different Field, it's not super entirely different from that previous battle. Of course, the downside is that I still don't know anything about Aya’s team, so I can't completely rely on my previous knowledge from fighting Corey. Just stuff like Poison’s weaknesses and how having a Poison-type or two of my own, as well as a Steel-type, could be beneficial.

But Ame brought up some interesting points- namely the emphasis on Aya fighting using “the Wasteland itself”, which surely refers to the entry hazards. Toxic Spikes is the obvious choice, but Spikes and Stealth Rocks are also viable; Sticky Web can't really be learned by a lot of Poison-types (just Ariados), so I doubt that one will come up. There's also the matter of the handful of Abilities that get affected by being on Wasteland, many of which could be very useful for Aya’s side in some form or another.

So! What have I chosen to do with this information? Why, taking into consideration those Abilities and those who can learn at least one of those entry hazard moves to create an entire list of Pokémon who overlap those categories, of course! Those Pokémon came out to be:

Nidoqueen

Nidoking

Tentacruel

Muk

Weezing

Qwilfish

Swalot

Roserade

Skuntank

Scolipede

Garbodor

Skrelp

Toxapex

However, I also thought about other potential Pokémon Aya could use for one reason or another, and those Pokémon ended up being:

Vileplume: Has Effect Spore, could make good support in a Double Battle.

Drapion: Like Skuntank, it's one of the very few Pokémon up to Gen VII with this specific Poison/Dark-type combination, making it a strong counter to Psychic-types and giving it only one weakness in the form of Ground.

Amoongus: Same as Vileplume, and in fact Amoongus could be more likely because it is a very common, very good support Pokémon in recent official competitive play.

Salazzle: Honestly this one's partially for theming, seems like an appropriate Pokémon for Aya specifically to have, but it also has Corrosion which is good for Wasteland.

So taking all this information into account, both of these lists, I have determined the twelve most likeliest Pokémon that Aya could have on her team. And those Pokémon are:

Nidoqueen: Not only can it learn Stealth Rock and have Poison Point, but it would be really appropriate for Aya's theming. She's Cain's sister, Cain's ace is a Nidoking, so it would be fitting if Aya in turn used its counterpart. 

Vileplume: Already explained my logic above 

Tentacruel: Similar reasoning as Qwilfish

Muk: Theming is a big part of this one- it'd make sense for someone from the Wasteland to use a Pokémon made of sludge, as a reference to the purplish, jelly-like ground of Byxbysion.

Qwilfish: Can counter Ground-types, Poison Point, can do a lot with entry hazards, just seems good for support and spread damage/poisoning.

Skuntank: Same reasoning as Drapion 

Drapion: Already explained my logic above

Scolipede: Can counter Psychic-types, can have Poison Point, and again it just seems strangely fitting for Aya to have- maybe it's the coloring that makes me of Aya and the Wasteland, hard to describe.

Garbodor: Similar to Muk, but in this case it would be a reference to the debris scattered all over the Wasteland that never seems to go away no matter how hard people try to clean up the place.

Amoongus: Already explained my logic above

Toxapex: Similar reasoning as Qwilfish, but as an extra thing it also has Merciless, which benefits from Wasteland.

Salazzle: Already explained my logic above

Of course, this list is just speculation on my part, it could be right or it could be wrong. Heck, it's already gonna be partially disproven by default since Aya is only gonna have six Pokémon, and those could be any Poison-types, not just the ones on this list!

But no matter what team Aya has, one thing that seems pretty consistent is that I need at least a Psychic-type and a Ground-type, and we can go from there. Shimmer seems like the obvious choice for the former- her special damage output is a bit better than Kirin’s with the Twisted Spoon, her special bulk is better, and she has Telepathy. Crater works as my Ground-type and she also provides more type coverage as a Fire-type. But…I could kill two birds with one stone in the form of having another Ground-type who also doubles as a Poison-type: Selene! I have Moon Stones, I can evolve her into Nidoqueen easily! And she can learn Earth Power just like Crater- and Earth Power isn't weakened like Bulldoze or Earthquake, nor is it given a secondary Poison type like Mud Bomb.

Of course, having the utility and coverage provided by a Steel-type would also be beneficial. I'm gonna go with Wulfrum for this one; granted, I know I have Aspis the Shieldon now too, but I'm choosing Wulfrum still because a.) he's already at Lv. 39 and will be faster to train, and b.) his offensive capabilities are better than Aspis’ at this time. But, depending on how this attempt goes, I'd be willing to swap the two of need be. As for my last two slots, well- Glare would make very good support, and Riptide is a given as always.

So ultimately, here's what things are looking like:

A bit of training to get these two up to the level cap, and…

Perfect! So now the team's looking like this:

Firstly, I gave Selene an Aspear Berry. See, she can't get poisoned, and being paralyzed or burned by one of those specific Poison-type attacks wouldn't be that much of an issue for her. Her being frozen, though- that would be an issue, so the Aspear Berry should help there. As for Wulfrum, I gave him the Zoom Lens, since Rock Slide and Iron Tail aren't super accurate. 

As a bonus, I used a Carbos on Glare to make her just that much faster, which should just be good in general but also specifically help her as a support. After all, she now outspeeds everyone else on the team, so she can use Acid Spray to prepare for a special attack, or Screech to prepare for a physical attack, not to mention being able to paralyze opponents more easily.

Oh! But before going back to the Wasteland, I remembered Xera now has access to another floor of the Obsidia Department Store, so let's check that out real fast.

Vitamins- so this is where we can get more of those, no need to rely on finding them in garbage cans anymore.

Not that Xera has been that far outside the city so far- Pyrous Mountain is probably the furthest she's been, actually.

Wow, that does seem like a lot- I'm guessing the vitamins in the canon games don't increase EVs by the same margin.

Previous

Next

[thenten]

This is a single-post masterlist for any plot or dynamic I'm ALWAYS super interested in for threads, for the reference of my mutuals.

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐬 Just general character relationships, needs little elaboration.

Mentor Figure: While Ben isn't exactly short on mentors/role-models in his life, I am always open to him having more. Older, more experienced muses giving him life advice or training him is forever going to be a valued necessity for this brat.

Heroic Rival: Competitive crime-fighting is bound to happen with Ben's current habit of showing up on another hero's turf. This can be friendly, or it can be hostile, either or is a fun dynamic.

Casual Antagonist: Simply put, I think the idea of Ben just hanging out and eating chili fries with someone still doing active villainy that Ben himself has thwarted is very funny. This is reserved for villains of the more "robbing a bank, not hurting hostages" variety, ones that wouldn't have given Ben a real reason to square up on sight. If you don't have a witnessed bodycount, he'd never pick a fight while eating- eating is sacred.

Newest Nemesis: Antagonists of the non-casual variety. Villains that want Ben destroyed or want the tech on his wrist, and are willing to do anything to achieve their goals. LOVE the thought of Ben gaining lasting feuds with bad-guys across the multiverse.

𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 Low-stake plots more for relationship building between muses.

Training Regiment: Drag Ben into training, to prove his merits or assess them in general, whether it's training his base form or sparring with his alien transformations. Good for bonding.

World Tour: Ben's main goal in his multiversal misadventures is exploring strange new worlds, and he's always eager to get a tour from a local expert! Have your muse show him the weirder parts of their world, the local culture, the scenery!

The Downsides to Fame: Ben trying to give someone a tour of his world for a change, and it unfortunately coming with the harassment of paparazzi and the very clear reveal that he's probably the most famous person on his Earth, much to his active disdain at this point in his life.

"Do you have a license for that?": Simply put, any muse in a position of authority that would encompass either multiversal travel or the use of a device as powerful of the Omnitrix being sent to investigate Ben or just doing it themselves. This can be as simple as the setup for a casual interaction, or potentially escalate to a chase/fight... though, Ben does try to avoid that.

𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 Higher-stake plots usually with some action-y element, the possibility of spanning across multiple threads, and of which are all intended to feel more like what you'd see in an actual crossover storyline.

The Hero V Hero Misunderstanding: I hardly need to explain this one, it's a classic trope- Ben 10 has even done it officially with Generator Rex! Some general misunderstanding brings a muse into a direct fight with Ben, them both thinking each other the villain of the scenario. This can just be a fight thread, or it can be the opening scene to a greater plot involving both characters!

Unintentioned Rescue: For muses with evil organizations they regularly square off against and who's evil bases they occasionally tear their way through for whatever purpose, allow me to paint the scene of that muse finding Ben rather embarrassingly captured in their most secured holding cell. The Omnitrix attracts a lot of the worst kinds of attention, unfortunately, so this happens a lot.

"The device will be MINE!": Truly villainous muses are invited and entitled to trying to seize the Omnitrix from Ben, always. Entirely open to plotting this out in detail, or just going post-by-post.

"𝐃𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐚𝐦��𝐥𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝" Plots & setups focused on Ben scanning some new DNA. Usually the DNA of the other muse in question, but not necessarily.

Learning from the Best: After Ben acquires a scan of your muse's DNA, be it intentionally or unintentionally, he requests their help in getting a good grip on the new transformation- this can be anything from training with their abilities, explaining the tech if the transformation came with it, or just helping him with any weird new feelings or cravings that come with the new adjustment.

"Anything YOU can do...": Through the chaos of combat, the Omnitrix pulls a scan of someone Ben is fighting (be it someone he's helping your muse fight, or your muse themselves), and quickly uses the new transformation on the spot.

Unwanted Guest: This is a very, very niche plot for a very specific scenario, but the thought of an alien being hiding itself away inside the Omnitrix under the guise of a gathered DNA sample, like what happened with Ghostfreak, is always super cool to me. It takes a special type of species to do this and not every universe has one that can, but I'd be super down to write Ben getting unwittingly possessed by a Symbiote or w/e.

[thatoneguy031]

Okay, DnD fans, can I get a bit of criticism here? I'm reading the 5e handbook, and I'm still a little confused about some things. Here's my character so far(I didn't even want to touch the stats yet, in fear that I have to use the guidebook's stats for his species).

Meet Blackthorn, often known as just Thorn. He's a young, red kobold(He's a kobold's equivalent to about 16 or 17 years old) that is also a sorcerer(For now, anyway. I might make him a fighter or rogue). He's gained his power from his dragon(Who is now unnamed, I'll come up with one later), who acted primarily as his guardian/babysitter, for him as well as many other kobolds in his den. The only two worth mentioning in his backstory are Hydra and Armari.

*Their names are based on the three primary colors: Red, yellow and blue. If you get pricked by a thorn, you're likely to bleed, so that's how Thorn earned his name(Along with the fact that he's a pit of a pain in the neck due to his sense of adventure). Hydra is short for Hydrangea, which is seen as a blue plant on occasion. And Armari sounds a little like amarillo, a translation of the color yellow if I'm not wrong. Yes, they also appear as their respective colors.

Their alignments: -Thorn is Neutral Good(He's pretty willing to break the law if he knows it's for the better, but tends to avoid that option if he can) -Hydra is Lawful Good(He often scolds Thorn for doing stuff like that) -Armari is Chaotic Neutral(She is the most likely to become a full-blown psychopath out of the three of them. She's basically Thorn's devil in most situations, and Hydra is his angel).

They're pretty good friends, and if something does happen to go wrong, you can almost always blame all three of them for it. They do have their own friend groups, but they most often hang out with each other for some chaos.

One day, Armari wanted the three of them to have a competition: Whoever could not join a party and become a proper adventurer, but also complete a total of three missions, would win... something(I'm not too sure on what yet. Let's say they'd win bragging privileges for now).

Of course, Thorn agreed, wanting to go on yet another adventure. Hydra also agreed to it, but he was way more reluctant about it because he didn't want to get put in an early grave.

With that, they headed off, and would meet up with each other every few days to check how they were doing.

After a while, Thorn thought that the adventurer's life was pretty sweet, and continued on his journey, even after the competition was over(He won, by the way, but no one ever learned that, not even him).

Thorn(At least, how he is now), is a pretty solid magic user. He's either gonna specialize in fire or plant magic(Or whatever it's called, I honestly have no clue). His only real downside is that his spells aren't very... good? Like, they're fine, but they're just fine, you feel me? They do their job, but that's it.

If it's possible, I'm basing Thorn's spells on moves you'd find in Pokemon, like Absorb or Fire Spin. His level-up moveset is going to be very similar to the Joe-Schmoe's starter.

I didn't think about it for more than 30 seconds, but I feel like Thorn would have an Outlander background. He's technically a wild dude, not knowing what a true civilization looked like, but he'd still be able to speak Common well enough to be generally understood, although he'd be more fluent in languages like Draconic(Again, he lived with a dragon). He'd probably not understand how human things work, but Arceus dang it if he isn't gonna try.

Again, if there's something wrong, or if I missed anything, I am DESPERATELY accepting revisions.

I'll add more things in future reblogs, as I progress more with his character.

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly roundups: prompts

Tsukihime

Smut, I want that anemic twink Shiki spitroasted by Arcueid and Ciel in some odd competitive threesome thing the two got going on

Show mercy on my soul. Femboy Akiha.

Fate/Stay Night

FGO

Smut, For as much as they want her 'spear', I think Morgan should introduce Gudako and Da Vinci to it-- that is, can we have her cock vore the two of them?

Smut, incest, Karna and Vritra team up to edge and overstim Arjuna until he cries

jeanne gets some well deserved karma for her big sister beam brainwashing .

Yknow how Nobukatsu gloats over the REAL Nobunaga saying he is nothing like his as he lays dying from the poison he gave him? Something similar but this time Mitsuhide is the target and he made sure the poison was just right that it would take a very long time for him to die as he watches Or he just stabs the guy I dunno Nobukatsu deserves to kill more people

Morgan is Bored and demands carnival rides be built in Fae Britain. Entertainment ensues.

Noncon, incest, Summer Avatoria having a soft fulfilling romance with Muramasa as people who are tied by fate thrice over. Meanwhile Summer Castoria would LOVE to stop waking up filled with cum from a man she considers ber grandfather. The downsides of sharing a body you know how it is (feel free to play it as lighthearted or fucked up as you wish)

Asclepius becomes a therapist because dear God do some of these servants (and staff) need help and somebody's gotta be the counselor.

Noncon, Elaine of Carbonek, the raging bitch who raped Lancelot and mother of Galahad, is summoned. If you thought Galahad resented his FATHER, y’all ain’t seen nothing yet. Mash has to be physically restrained when Elaine refers to her as “Junior.” (Technically, Galahad would be Galahad Jr, if Lancelot ever went by his birth name. I am an Arthuriana nerd.)

Emiya realizes that Ritsuka mission are becoming too dangerous, so he locks himself there with her, she can left whenever she wants, as long as she is able to do a simple task, with all the knowledge and weapons she gathered from her servants she must kill him, proving she has become strong enough to be the protector of humanity

Salieri gets a Summer form, where instead of being the amalgamation of the rumours of who killed Mozart, he's the amalgamation of the myths of the Maenads who tore Orpheus apart.

First Hassan and Shiki killing increasingly improbable and abstract things as a friendly contest. Escalating from “the tension in the room” to Barghest’s desire to eat her loved ones” to “Artoria’s resentment of Mordred” to “Wednesdays.”

Continuation of the Grand Carnival joke: Atalanta has to marry Kingprotea, BB is in charge of organizing wedding and the rest of the Sakura Five are bridesmaids aka have to make sure Atalanta doesn't escape.

Blackbeard, Absolute Disgusting Degenerate that he is, is well aware that his kink is not everyone else's kink, and so after finding some improperly tagged Smut or Hentai, decides to make a video about the importance of tagging, what it means, and how to do it, because tagging your shit properly means that everyone can enjoy themselves in peace, so long as they use the blacklist. (This just kinda came to me TBH, Cause Blackbeard just kinda feels like he'd take proper tagging very seriously given everything about him.)

Fun fact: "thou" and "thy" and such were actually the informal register - "you" and "your" were the fancy, polite terms. Therefore, someone should write a fic of First Hassan trying to seem hip and chill and failing catastrophically because his understanding of what counts is hundreds of years out of date.

UDK Barghest gets hired to Put out a Fire (Read: Help Melusine with her Draconic Heat). Whether it goes full smut or if it goes in a comedic non sexy route is up to the author

Smut, Yu Mei-Ren has Hella Gay Sex with her Summer Variant. (Not NTR, though I'm not sure who all would consider it such anyway since its self on self.)

One of the Draconic/Lizard Servants installs a heat lamp in their room, because if you've got a tech wizard who will do anything for you, why not? After approximately 10-ish seconds of "why didn't I think of this before" from all the other Dragon-type servants, everyone immediately rushes to said room. Ensue dogpile of like, 20 lizard people (including Oberon and Rasputin for some reason??? gotta love traits) whether this is horny or not is up to the writer.

Smut, On their big day, a bride is stressed about the whole event and is this close to calling it quits. Habetrot can't have this so obviously there's one solution: cocksleeve time!

Barghest is openly lamenting in the hallway about how she can never be close to master or anyone else she loves bc of her bestiary nature and how she wishes she could keep herself in check. Scathach hears this and goes "Say no more" and puts her in a collar leash and muzzle. She's trained dogs before

Gudako tries her hardest to be Titania for Oberon. Oberon has Opinions about this. (I'll leave it to the prompt filler if these opinions are Positive, Negative, or Mixed.)

What started as a tiny fight "for charity" between Hektor and Achilles soon turns brutal as Achilles starts to truly want to kill Hektor. Paris, Manricardo, Alexander, and even Penth try to step in to stop him

Some asshole tries to threaten Guda only for them to reply and I quote "I'm not scared of Death, we have Tea on the weekends" Smash cut to them actually having tea with King Hassan, Eresh and Shiki. Whether Guda got hurt or not by the threatener ill leave up to the author.

How did Mel get access to Nemos aircraft carrier? Mysteriously kiss-covered Nemos refuse to answer (Note: all of em are adults)

Fun fact: Sastoria's NP is most effective against Summer Hokusai as she is both Chaotic, Divine, and a Threat to Humanity. Sooooo one-sided jealousy where Sastoria hates Saber Hokusai and Hokusai can't figure out why

Because I don't think we'll see him this summer. What summer side adventure is Kadoc doing? Who with him is you to the author.

Melusine's dragon nature means she likes building a hoards of all the things precious to her. now that she feels comfortable in Chaldea she can't help but gather all the people she likes to cuddle together with in bed with. Who ends up in her cuddle pile is up to y'all

Vlad is talked into going on a boat ride to relax. Everyone on the boat is very uncomfortable with this

Anything involving Ritsuka having extreme mommy issues

so Chloe's whole... thing... is "justified" in-universe as she needs magic to stay stable, so she gets it by doing... that. Ergo, I want to see something where she's summoned in Chaldea and thus hooked up to a stable magic supply, so she doesn't have to do that anymore and gets to actually Process and maybe just Be A Kid instead.

Other

I kinda just wanna say “Galehaut” and watch what the Fate fandom does with the idea of the half-giant king that only didn’t overthrow Camelot because he wanted to bone Lancelot. So I will.

Kinks are known to suddenly appear and develop with age, so: Older version of a servant helping unlock a kink for their younger self

can we get some consensual hypnokink content, perhaps? maybe someone has a kink for being hypnotized and wants so badly to hand over control for a little bit, or they're nervous about performing well during sex and just want to be more assured in themselves! how and why it's done is up to the author/artist as well as the characters, so long as there is consent established!

[angelwingsarewhite]

Hello loves

Thank you for stopping by, this is my first post on this blog and it will be an introductory post of course. Who I am and what you could expect from this account moving forward.

Who I am

I'm a 20 y/o university student living in a third world country, studying a little something in humanities.

I used to be a math major in highschool, it was a very competitive environment and I managed to have satisfactory grades more often than not.

But I decided at the end that I did not want to go into stem for my higher studies. I had quite a turbulent family life and financial trouble. And as much as I love anything and everything science, I know that mentally I'm not ready to go into a hyper competitive field at the moment.

So, I'm taking a break doing something quick and simple, just so I could do more of what I love (like drawing, painting, reading, writing and any creative work in general) and find balance within myself.

Why I'm starting this blog?

After years of (consensual) abuse at the hands of academics, I found myself unable to cope with a lighter workload (ironically) I'm putting in zero effort and I'm getting the grades I used to pull all nighters for.

Upside: I got more time for myself than ever.

Downside: I've been unmotivated to do anything with that free time.

Additionally, I feel like I'm not taking care of myself how I should. Therefore I want to use this blog as

1) A tracker: To document what I do and give structure to my self improvement journey.

2) An accountability tool: just a place to come back to at the end of the day to see how far I've come.

I'm planning to go one habit at a time and I might share some pictures here and there.

If this sounds interesting for you, tune in.

Thanks for reading and hope you have a wonderful day 🤍

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi! INFJ. Thanks for this very useful blog. I wanted to ask, as I am considering to what extent I will make sacrifices to attempt to go into academia - what was your personal reasoning about an academic career?

I could be misremembering but I believe in saw in your prior posts that you studied at the graduate level in philosophy or psychology, and then held roles in education and finance.

On one hand, I love the freedom academics seemingly have to keep learning and work on projects with no obvious near term financial payoff. On the other hand, the faculty workload and financial opportunity cost (depending on the field) seem high, and I value a healthy lifestyle above everything else. And it's obviously very hard to get an academic job.

I have reasonably well-developed industry plan, but I may eventually hit a wall with my learning in industry. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the academic lifestyle and alternative ways to still pursue lifelong learning, which you clearly have done.

----------------------

You said you value healthy lifestyle above all else, so use that as your guide. But then you talk about other things you also value. In real life, with its practical limitations, you can't value everything equally. You have to make trade-offs, otherwise, you'll get stuck in indecision or bite off more than you can chew.

Experiences of working in academia vary widely based on factors such as: field of study, faculty support, school expectations, and personal factors. Some fields of study are much more competitive than others, which might demand more sacrifice from you. Being part of a faculty means dealing with office politics, so faculty leadership makes a big difference for handling difficult environments. Some schools are certainly better than others, which can determine what constraints are put upon you.

What about personal factors? Are you an overthinker? If so, it might mean you doubt your capacity for handling adversity. Are you an overplanner? If so, does it mean you have a general mistrust in the world? Are you the kind of person who can only ever see one path ahead? If so, it might indicate lack of adaptability. Every job has its downsides to deal with. Life is going to keep throwing challenges at you. If you spend your life always trying to get ahead of every single negative possibility you can imagine, you'll live a very harried life.

Why not simply trust the process, enjoy the journey, and be open to changing course as needed? That's how I roll. My feelings guide me through life and I trust them 100%. If I don't feel like something's for me, then it's not for me and I'm not going to do it. I've never been married to any job or any career path. It's not my priority. You ask me for my "reasoning" but I have nothing to offer you except the feelings that guide my preferences.

If you don't trust your feelings, then I'm not the right person to ask. Perhaps the people you should ask are the ones already working the jobs you are considering. For instance, talk to all of your professors, especially the ones who have worked in more than one institution. Ask them about the pros and cons and work-life balance, etc.

[mongrel-mage]

Something that I wish I'd known about before starting testosterone was how differently I would feel socially. While I could talk about what happens now that I pass and whatnot, what I specifically mean is the emotional downsides of being perceived as male re: my relationship with other people. Growing up being socialized as female, I took for granted the amount of physical affection I was free to give and receive. I could greet my friends with a hug. We could lean against each other, link arms, hold hands, fix each other's hair or clothes or a hundred other little touches that nonetheless conveyed emotional closeness. There was so much platonic affection that I never thought about. It was the same with family members. I could hug them, cuddle against them, express the need for affection.

I almost never get hugged anymore, not unless I ask for it, and more often than not it is assumed that I'm only doing so because there is something wrong. I've had my grandparents ask me if it was still okay for them to hug me, to kiss me on the cheek. I don't feel like I can hug my friends as a greeting or a farewell for the fear of being seen as Less Of A Man. What used to be an oasis of human contact is now a void. Not only that, but think about how often women/femme people are able to compliment each other. "You're so pretty," "you look great," "love that color on you," and so many other things. When I presented as female, I was the recipient of compliments from friends, family, sometimes people I didn't even know. That hasn't happened a single time since I transitioned.

The only sort of emotional and physical affection a man is socially allowed to receive is from an intimate partner. Nobody else, or you're somehow Less Of A Man, you're perceived as gay, you're called any variety of shitty things.

Masculinity includes emotional starvation. There is a great post that I'll link that talks about this more eloquently than I can, and I want to give credit where it's due (will include a transcript below the cut).

Does this mean that I regret my decision to transition? Absolutely not. Does it mean that I wish I was still perceived as a woman? Hell no. But the potency of this loneliness took me by surprise, and I think that it's something that we need to talk about more.

[Tumblr user skaldish]: Still bothered by the US cultural idea that men can only be non-romantically intimate with one another in war-like or competitive circumstances.

[Tumblr user skaldish]: I'm pretty quiet about the fact that I'm a transman usually, but holy shit I need to tell you about the culture shock I'm going through because it's blindsiding me.

There's a huge sense of social isolation that comes with being perceived as male, because now people are subconsciously treating me as a potential predator. All strangers, no matter their gender, keep their guard up around me.

It made me realize that there is no inherent camaraderie in male socialization as there is in female socialization--unless, of course, it's in very specific environments. And the fact that I don't amnbiently experience this mutual kinship in basic exchanges anymore is an insanely lonely feeling.

You know how badly this would have fucked up my mind if I had grown up with this?

[Tumblr user skaldish]: It's 4:30 am and I'm mourning the loss of a privilege I didn't even know I had.

[Tumblr user skaldish]: Anyway, I'm going to figure out how to navigate this. Don't know how yet, but I'm gonna.

[Tumblr user azaloset, in a comment]: If you figure it out, can you share your insights? This is a fundamental as to why I'm in the closet.

[Tumblr user skaldish]: Absolutely, because it's an extremely sticky issue.

Frankly, this is something I would've never understood without living the experience.

It's now blatantly clear to me that most cis men probably experience chronic emotional malnutrition. They're deprived of social connection just enough for it to seriously fuck with their psyches, but not enough for them to realize it's happening and what's causing it.

It's like they're starving, but don't know this because they've always been served 3 square meals...except those meals have never been big enough.

This deprivation comes from all sides of the aisle, by the way.

In the case of women: When I'm out in public and interact with women, all of them come across as incredibly aloof, cold, and mirthless. I have never experienced this before even though I know exactly what this composure is--the armor that keeps away creepy-ass men.

As someone who used to wear it myself, I know this armor is 100% impersonal. Nobody likes wearing it, and I can say with absolute certainty that women would dump the armor in favor of unconditional companionship with men if doing this didn't run the risk of actual assault. (Trust me when I say women aren't just being needlessly guarded).

But I only have a complete understanding of this context because I've experienced female socialization. If I hadn't, I would've thought this coldness was a conspiracy against me devised by roughly half of the human population. Even now, with all that I know about navigating the world as a woman, I'm failing to convince my monkey-brain that this armor isn't social rejection.

And as for male socialization? Again, it seems taboo for a ma to be platonically intimate with men for reasons I have yet to fully understand, but I think it boils down to a) the fact society teaches boys that it's not okay to be soft with one another, and b) garden-variety homophobia. Our media only shows men being intimate with one another when they're teamed up against a dire situation, and I'd bet real money it's a huge reason why men gravitate toward activities that simulate being teamed up against an opposing force.

But men are not machines of war. Yes, testosterone absolutely gives you Dumb Bastard Brain, but that just makes you want to skateboard a wagon down a hill or duct-tape your friend to the wall, not kill someone.

The human species looks so much colder standing from this side.

I can see how men might convince themselves that their feelings of emotional desperation is personal weakness as opposed to a symptom they're all experiencing from White Imperialism. Because this human connection, this frith, is as essential for our wellbeing as water is.

So sick. How sick. I want to destroy this garbage.

[gmmtv-bl-tournament-but-evil]

hmm i saw some interesting conversation regarding branded pairs and as someone who is probably more of a fan of my favorite actors personally than professionally, i wanted to chip in.

i think it really is that gmmtv facilitates fans seeing actors as sort of like idols moreso than just actors in a very obvious way. for example, even with shows I’ve loved dearly, i’ve never gotten quite as into the actors as people if it wasn’t facilitated by the company they were signed to.

my favorite bl is japanese and while i became a fan of the main actors as a result, the engagement i had with one of the actors was very much more so simply watching his shows. however one of the other leads was an idol, and as a result I’d do things like watch his variety content and his concert performances.

as someone who has been in both kpop and jpop fandom, i feel as if gmmtv is definitely emulating both in how it promotes its actors, just with more of a shipbaiting tinge to it, and that’s the appeal. you have variety shows to watch, fan meetings, concert performances, social media interactions, etc. and i get why it doesn’t work for a lot of people (it is a very markedly different type of engagement from watching shows, after all) but i see the divide as just what works for whom.

i feel like its both an extension of liking my favorite shows and it feeds into my enjoyment for shows I wouldn’t like as much, just because i have prior emotional investment. for example, i’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be watching cooking crush and cherry magic (neither are really my style) or at least enjoying both as much as I do, if i wasn’t incredibly invested in offgun and taynew. and i don’t see it as much of a problem personally because i am in fact enjoying the ride. liking the actors can elevate an experience for me to be more fun. liking actors gets me to watch more of the non-bl by gmmtv as well (I goddamn love enigma and I would NOT have watched it without a little nudge) of course, that doesn’t mean that a lack of actors i like personally can in any way stop me from watching other shows. i’m not much of a jimmysea fan, but last twilight is a masterpiece.

i dunno, it’s like a different type of fun but one that feeds back into my enjoyment of bl shows. i love watching concerts, looking through different interviews, and otherwise getting to know the guys in my favorite shows.

of course, there are many downsides to the machine, especially with the fanservice and the fan-idol dynamic that can be destructive. i think the current state of ohmnanon is probably the best example of that from gmmtv and shows off a lot of the worst parts of it. crazy, protesting fans. guys who were close who it seems the machine took a negative toll on. it shows off where the problem is with all idolatry, especially when it comes to branded pairs. but i do think at the very least it helps certain people launch themselves up in their careers, and i don’t think the gmmtv bl machine is a problem in and of itself.

idk, totally understand everyone it doesn’t work for, but just wanted to talk a bit about how at the very least, it enriches my experience and makes me more excited for certain shows. i think it can just be a great separate thing as long as fans keep it in moderation irt how parasocial and crazy they get about it (though in many cases fans do not, which i do think is a big problem) really the only downside for me personally is probably feeling kind of bad voting for my favs in this competition, as a pretty big gmmtv 4 pillars fan who also thinks dbk and 2gether were … well let’s just say i don’t think ill be revisiting them very soon. ahaha, anyway. just wanna say i goddamn love my fav actors 🙏

You've brought up some extremely interesting points and nailed them right on the head.

I know we've been talking about this and I just hope what I've said so far hasn't come across as me believing being fans of a certain celebtrity is a bad thing, it's really not. I do that too for some celebrities while still keeping mostly out of the wider fandom.

I think you're absolutely right about GMMTV actively adopting a model that makes it seem like their actors are especially accessible to the public and while I do agree that it can benefit the actors' success in some cases, there are also some mechanics of it that I really don't agree with and wish weren't as popular as they are. Your comparison to the KPop model is also especially fitting because that's exactly what they're emulating and I see this becoming more and more common to the detriment of fandom as a niche.

There are two things in particular I tend to be wary of when speaking about this specific marketing behaviour (because that's ultimately what it is and it's very successful at pulling money into the pockets of actors and performers - which is a good thing - but also into the production house itself - which can go both ways depending on how that reflects on the treatment of the talent):

A) to cite a word that you used, the idolatry that builds around certain figures tends to cloud a lot of fans' perspectives - especially very young ones - as to the fact that celebrities are human beings and they can make mistakes at times. Also, by making them out to be something other than a person, it kind of encourages obsessive and sometimes inappropriate behaviours of possessiveness.

B) this, in turn, feeds the current spread of purity culture toward celebrities that in most cases - especially when it comes to GMMTV - are very young. The results is that even the smallest of mistakes can create a shitstorm big enough to ruin people's careers. I think when talking about OhmNanon, which you very aptly used as an example, part of the whole situation that arose was exactly this. Digging up years-old mistakes and not letting a person grow, especially when so young, can tangibly ruin their future.

Again, I don't think it's a bad thing to like celebrities outside of their works. Sometimes it very much does increase one's appreciation of their art to know the personal context it's coming from and the specific life story behind acting and performing decisions. Unfortunately, with the state of fandom as the huge and more public entity it has become, there would really need to be a wider consciousness of separation between how we feel toward celebrities - down to our most instinctive reactions - and the actual reality that fans might not always be privy to. I believe the majority of fandom (especially outside of Tumblr) is not yet capable of grasping this difference and part of the reason for that is that some production houses encourage such behaviours in the name of money.

I don't know if this is something that I need to say but I'd rather add something unnecessary than cause a misunderstanding. I am, of course, not referring to your specific experience, just continuing a wider conversation about fandom and the ways we approach BL. From the way you describe your own relationship with media and the people who create it, you seem to have struck a really good balance and I'm glad that you sent this message 'cause it gave me a chance to have a deeper conversation about the subject, so thank you for this!

Also, bestie, drop the name of your favourite BL from Japan!!!!! I have such a week spot for Japanese BL too 'cause they were my first introduction to the genre so I need to know!!!!!