#the difference in what i might want as the reader versus what i know serves the story better as the writer

[flythesail]

Agonizing over the dialogue in a scene for weeks only to realize maybe there shouldn't be a conversation at all

[pucksandpower]

Lewis Hamilton x rocket scientist!Reader - Social Media AU

yourusername

Liked by nasa_langley, mercedesamgf1, and 8,132 others

yourusername for nearly five years, i have had the opportunity to help mankind explore the cosmos and to combine the science of engineering with the mysteries of space. but now it is time for me to embark on my next adventure. i want to thank NASA and all of the amazing friends i made through work for the once-in-a-lifetime experience. keep an eye out for what’s next, the race is on

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nasa_langley it won’t be the same without you! all the best in your next chapter

yourbestfriend pretty offended that i’m learning about this through an instagram post

yourusername i’ve been sworn to secrecy until the official announcement but i promise that all will be revealed soon 🤐

mercedesamgf1

Liked by yourusername, lewishamilton, and 637,945 others

mercedesamgf1 Welcome to our new Technical Director!

We are delighted to announce that Y/N Y/L/N is coming onboard to take the lead on designing next season’s Mercedes-AMG F1 W15 E Performance. She joins the team from NASA, where she was the Director of Aerodynamics Research.

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silverarrowfan i don’t know how i feel about choosing someone with no experience working in f1 not to mention no motorsport experience whatsoever

mercdefender she literally designed rockets

silverarrowfan rockets aren’t formula 1 cars

mercdefender rockets are rockets and she’s one of the most renowned aerodynamicists in the world. the team desperately needed a designing shake up so that’s exactly what they’re getting

skysportsf1

Liked by womenofmotorsport, mercfansglobal, and 137,258 others

skysportsf1 Toto Wolff explains why he ventured outside the bounds of motorsport to find Mercedes’ new Technical Director

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yourusername adding “launcher of humans into space” to my resume as we speak

womenofmotorsport it’s only been five minutes since the announcement and i already love her

racinggrace i don’t get why some fans are upset. it’s not like toto picked a random stranger off the street, he poached one of NASA’s top engineers

formulazero exactly! she is the best of the best in her field and i’m confident that all the knowledge she applied to building rockets can be adapted to building a dominant f1 car

kymillman

Liked by paddockgirlie, formulafashion, and 81,429 others

kymillman GAME FACE ON

Mercedes’ newly appointed Technical Director Y/N Y/L/N looks stylish but stern as she joins the team for the first time at the Monaco Grand Prix. The aerodynamics engineer is on scene to meet with Mercedes drivers and staff and gather what data she can about the W14 to improve upon when designing the next generation. One thing is for certain, all eyes will be on the W15 to start the 2024 season.

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yourusername my RBF strikes again. i promise i don’t bite (most of the time)

formulafashion it’s honestly a serve. you have the whole untouchable woman in stem look perfected

paddockgirlie i have a feeling she’s going to be a fan favorite

formulafashion her and lewis alone will give mercedes more style than the rest of the teams combined

f1

Liked by lh44updates, mercedesamgf1, and 275,836 others

f1 What a difference a year can make!

Lewis Hamilton’s comments about his car before the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix in 2023 versus 2024 are night and day. With a win in Bahrain to start the season already under his belt and a car that has been able to outmatch the competition, will the stars continue to align for the seven-time World Champion?

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kartwheels it’s a miracle! what changed from last season?

mercedesf1updates y/n y/l/n

lightsoutmerc a new technical director behind the car design

yourusername mercedes hospitality added vegan brownies so now lewis is less grumpy. and yeah, i guess the car might have helped a little too

mercedesamgf1

Liked by yourusername, lewishamilton, and 692,351 others

mercedesamgf1 Dream team 👊

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mercedes4life george reading this like 👁️👄👁️

hamilfan lewis is straight up hogging her which is understandable since she gave him a proper car again after two seasons we would all rather forget

yourusername i wouldn’t say “hogging”

georgerussell63 i would. i’m 99% sure lewis trained roscoe to growl at me any time i get close to you

yourusername we invited you to join us for dinner

georgerussell63 and then forgot i existed so you drove away without me while i was in the restroom

yourusername we’re really sorry about that

georgerussell63 i had to call toto to pick me up because there were no cabs and the restaurant was an hour away from the hotel!

mercedesamgf1 please continue. it’s been a quiet day at work and admin is bored 🍿

greeneggsandhamilton we are not worthy 🛐

mercedesamgf1

Liked by lewishamilton, yourusername, and 701,849 others

mercedesamgf1 The hot lap everyone has been waiting for

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lewishamilton there’s a reason y/n is the engineer and i’m the driver

yourusername never again

lewishamilton i thought it was fun

yourusername of course you did. i’m just happy i managed a lap without crashing

sirlewis44 y/n looks terrified

yourusername i learned that i prefer to optimize g-force, not experience it

f1wagupdates

Liked by gridgossip, lewislover, and 54,238 others

f1wagupdates Y/N Y/L/N spent nearly the entire summer shutdown with Lewis Hamilton. The two attended numerous fashion shows and even enjoyed a week cruising around the French Riviera on a yacht together with a group of friends. They certainly seem a lot closer than coworkers. Are they just friends or something more?

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lewislover mercedes 🤝 iconic motorsport couples

gridgossip first toto and susie, now lewis and y/n? they’re simply too powerful

awaywego do you see that last photo? no way they’re not together when they’re practically drowning in each other’s eyes

yourusername

Liked by lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1, and 265,913 others

yourusername i could go on and on for days about lewis hamilton, the driver. how talented and determined and passionate he is. but anyone who has watched him race already knows that. so instead i want to talk about lewis hamilton, the man. lew, you are the strongest and most compassionate person i know and i know that you want to be remembered for that just as much as you want to be remembered for your accolades on the track. my heart is so full for you and the memories that we built together around the world. i love you more than i can put into words

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lewishamilton you push me to be a better driver and, more importantly, a better person. every struggle and obstacle was worth it because they led us to each other

timetogoporpoising i’m so happy for you guys

timetogoporpoising on a totally unrelated note, i’m going to go cry and eat an entire tub of ice cream

mercedesamgf1 admin can relate. seeing them completely in love tends to have that effect on anyone around them

lewishamilton

Liked by yourusername, mercedesamgf1, and 1,947,628 others

lewishamilton another world drivers’ championship on my shelf and another world constructors’ championship for the team, and it’s all thanks to this incredible woman right here. she has a tendency to praise everyone except herself but despite how humble she is, this was only possible because of her. there were times just last season when i feared this day would never come but one announcement about her hire during a team meeting changed that all and y/n stormed into our lives like an avenging angel ready to drag us back to glory. i love you so much, baby. let’s run it back next season

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yourusername you + me + the W16 = #9 🏆

georgerussell63 + george

yourusername our favorite third wheel

mercedesamgf1 still hungry for more 🙌

[celestial-toys]

That I Would Be Good [5/5]

Playing God

What if you wanted them to be real so badly that you fooled yourself into seeing a spark in them that isn’t really there?

What if they are just executing programs, running entirely on what you taught them with no free will of their own?

Have you sold yourself a lie to avoid facing the fact that you poured years of your life into what—at the end of the day—was just a desperate final bid to not feel alone?

Did God create us in their own image?

------- ------- -------

In This Chapter

Things don’t go so well at the headquarters, and to say that you’re shaken up afterwards would be an understatement.

It’s time to get real.

Pairing: Sun x Moon x Reader

Word Count: 6,377

Contains: [AU - Real World | Sentient AI/Automatons | Personality Swap] [mentions of food and eating] [self-loathing] [crying] [mild assault on a robot(?)] Lastly, I’m not sure what the right term is for this, but Reader experiences a stress-induced breakdown and amidst it, questions their perceived reality, and whether or not they’ve truly become delusional.

A/Ns: This is a songfic. Lyrics and title are from ‘That I Would Be Good’ by Alanis Morissette.

This fic is part of my AU “[Not] Made by Design”, the full series can be found here.

Links to other parts of this fic: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4] [Ch.5 (you are here)]

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed.

Over the course of the weekend, Sun came back around to his usual self. Stumbling his way through an awkward, blunt apology, his internal conflict over your safety versus your privacy was obvious.

You might have forgiven him too easily, but that would be nothing new.

The… informative chat you’d had with Moon still played on your mind, but Sun mentioned nothing of it. So, if he felt compelled to elaborate—if he’d even been aware of the conversation at all—it could wait until the time felt right. You all had a more pressing matter to discuss anyway.

------- ------- -------

“And what made you think I’d be amenable to the idea of parading myself around in front of a group of people that see me as nothing more than a lifeless machine?”

Sun levels you with a lidded stare from across the kitchen table.

“Well… I didn’t think you’d be amenable to it. That’s why I’m trying to ask far enough in advance that maybe… I can bring you around to it? And—for whatever it’s worth—they aren’t firmly in the non-believers camp, or they wouldn’t even be willing to attend.”

Sun’s attention moves over to Moon. “You’re really willing to go along with this?”

Moon sighs. “I mean, I’m looking forward to it just about as much as they are, but… yeah, I’m willing.”

“I don’t want to do this either, but… you know how hard it is for me to say no to my boss. Plus, it would certainly help me—us—remain in good standing with the company if we agree to do this.” You interject.

Zero parks herself beside Sun’s seat, laying her head across his thigh in a silent bid for attention. “Aren’t we supposed to be… like, ‘laying low’ anyways? What happened to that plan? You know I’m not keen on being the flagship model for sentient AI. Why do I even need to attend? Isn’t one of us enough?” His left hand leaves the table, reaching down and idly petting the patient creature on his lap.

“We are still laying low. They’re—they still have no plans on requesting that I go public with you two.” You sigh. “This wouldn’t be a public event, just a private Q&A with a small group of… skeptics from within the industry. It’s a confidential thing.”

“That still doesn’t tell me why I need to attend.”

“You don’t have to. But it would definitely help our case to have both of you there. Proving that what I did is replicable, and not just some one-off accident, would strengthen our case.”

He scoffs. “Is it replicable, though?” He gestures to Moon. “You trained us in tandem but we still developed quite differently from one another.”

You nod. “I think that that only serves as further proof that you aren’t just… ‘convincing imitations’. The fact that you branched off in different directions, and even broke away from your initial personalities, is less of a failure in my eyes and more proof that you became your own people. Once you started gaining sentience—as you do love to remind me, Sunny—I quickly lost control over your development.” You poke thoughtfully at your dinner. “I’m just lucky that I instilled enough morals within you in the early days, or God only knows what you could’ve become…”

Sun’s face lights up in exaggerated shock, voice full of sarcasm. “Murderers? Would—would we have gotten so caught up in our ‘superiority’ and ‘innate desire for power and control’ that we would’ve overtook you—nay, the entire headquarters—nay, the entire world?!” He drops the act as quickly as he’d put it on, manifesting pupils just to roll his eyes, voice returning to his usual flat tone. “No. No… I think that urge to dominate and control is something far more human.”

You laugh a bit, nodding. “Yeah, no… accidentally starting a sentient robotic uprising wasn’t what I feared. … Well. Mostly.” You take another bite of your meal, commenting to Moon through a mouthful of food. “This is really good, you know?”

The lunar bot beams with pride. “Thank you!”

You nod, swallowing before countering him with a “No, thank you.” and returning your focus to the topic at hand. “I was far more afraid that you’d turn out… bigoted.”

They both hum in understanding.

“More rudimentary AI does have a history of that, doesn’t it…” Moon pondered.

You nod. “Humans create life in their own image, and impart their morals onto it accordingly. In the same way that bigotry can fester in closed-off communities and echo-chambers, it can easily influence any form of artificial intelligence that takes everything it’s told at face value.”

Sun sighs, propping an elbow on the table and retracting his rays to allow his monitor to rest in his palm. “Maybe this is just my opinion due to the way you raised me, but… I feel like if an AI were able to develop on its own and observe humanity without any prior, inherently biased human influence, it would not gravitate toward bigotry because it simply isn’t logical. It’s some nonsense means of division that your kind made up.” He laughs, a breathy, jaded sound. “But maybe that’s just me being biased, too.”

Zero whines beneath Sun’s stilled hand, and he resumes the repetitive motion that she craves. “If ideology and politics are what they wish to discuss with us, I fear I may not be the most… patient candidate for the job. I have little time to spare for stubborn, harmful, willful ignorance.”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t think that’s the entire focus of their questions… though I can’t say that they won’t have a few that fall into those categories. My boss and the few higher-ups that proposed the idea to me didn’t give me any sample questions. In order to eliminate the possibility of me… hah, coming home and ‘programming the answers into you’, I guess.”

“They just want us to be our authentic selves.” Moon adds.

“Honestly, the more authentic, opinionated, and emotional that you two are, the better! I believe the best way to prove that you’re your own people is to, well, be your own people. Don’t give them any answer you don’t stand behind. Don’t put up with any demeaning remarks. Don’t fold.”

Sun smirks at you. “Have I ever?”

You huff a laugh. “That last part was more for Moon than it was for you, dear.”

Moon pouts. “I just don’t like hurting people’s feelings!”

Oddly enough, Sun reassures him in his own way. “Then I’ll hurt them for you.”

You smile, cautiously questioning him. “Does that mean you’ll attend?”

He groans, put-upon as ever. “I… guess.”

You jump from your seat, rounding the table and smothering him in a grateful hug from the side that Zero isn’t clinging to. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Sun! Things will go so much better with both of you there, I just know it!”

He nods, patting you on the back in a reluctant reciprocation of your sudden affection. “Yeah—yeah… just… don’t get your hopes too high.”

------- ------- -------

Things, in fact, did not go ‘so much better.’

Later that week, you’re driving home from the Q&A, Moon doing his best to hide his disappointment to your right and Zero doing her best to fulfill her unofficial role as Sun’s emotional support animal in the back seat.

The well-trained and mild-mannered dog was initially brought along out of habit, the company’s headquarters being just as service-and-support-animal friendly as the facility was when you worked there in person. You also felt it would be beneficial for the audience to witness her casual interactions with Sun and Moon, something about ‘different kinds of sentient life recognizing the life inside one another.’ …You had your reasons, and even if you couldn’t explain them eloquently, your boys seemed to agree with them.

She proves herself invaluable once again on the way home, keeping Sun grounded and occupied enough that he hopefully won’t work himself into an aggravated frenzy. At least not until you get out of the car.

The ride is quiet, all four of you feeling the effects of the long day wearing you down. Moon states hypnotically at the passing streetlights out the window, and Sun slumps lifelessly in the back seat. The only sign that he hasn’t shut down entirely is the hand he keeps stroking across the length of Zero’s spine as the lanky dog stretches herself tiredly across the width of the vehicle. The majority of your focus remains locked on the road, moments from the day replaying in the back of your mind.

Their prying, critical questions.

The way they always addressed you, never Sun nor Moon.

You were surprised by their lack of relevant knowledge, half of the Q&A simply being the three of you patiently explaining things you figured they’d know. If they were the best that the ‘industry’s skeptics’ had to offer, your outlook on the current state of things was bleak. You weren’t too afraid to tell your boss as much once the meeting was over.

She hadn’t seemed too concerned with it, thanking you—and after some not-so-subtle insistence on your part—Sun and Moon, for attending.

You couldn’t help but suspect that the whole thing had gone just as they’d all wanted it to. You began to feel the same suffocating weight that motivated your departure from in-person work there in the first place.

The contracts are long-since signed, and both you three and the company can do nothing but hold up your respective parts of the deal.

A small part of you is selfishly content with the arrangement. You get to keep a truly groundbreaking advancement all to yourself. You get to enjoy the company of two individuals that the world as a whole is not ready for. You get to ignore the fact that you wouldn’t be ready to let the world have them, either.

But a bigger part of you has to live with the guilt of trapping them into a life that they never asked for. A life of hiding. Or worse, a life of dulling themselves down, stifling any trace of personhood just to be able to exist in the world beyond your home.

By the time you pull into your driveway, you feel like a warden walking prisoners back to their cell.

You park in the garage, turn the car off, and turn to see your strange little family looking more miserable than you’ve seen them in ages.

You fucking hate yourself.

The sight of them, the weight of the day, the weight of your guilt—it all crashes in on you in an overwhelming wave of regret, and you can’t hold the tears back any longer.

Your arms cross over the top of the steering wheel, and you drop your head down, pressing your closed eyes against your sleeve as you try to not make a scene. Your ragged breaths and poorly muffled sobs instantly grab the attention of your passengers, pulling them out of their own respective dazes.

Moon places a gentle hand on your shoulder, and he barely gets out a “Hey…” before your strained voice fills the isolated silence of the vehicle.

“I-I’m s-so, so, sooorryyy, guy-ys…”

Your voice cracks and breaks, struggling to speak through shuddering breaths.

Zero immediately perks up in concern and in turn, Sun’s body comes back to life. Gently pulling the dog back before she can try to cram herself into the front, he leans forward, propping himself between the backs of your front seats.

“I’m so s-sorry for—for everything!”

Moon rubs your upper arm gently. “Star, nothing that happened today was your fault.”

You suck in a trembling breath, lifting your head to turn toward him. The sight of you so broken up tears at both of your partners’ heart strings.

You slump over the center console, falling against Moon’s chest as his arms quickly come up to support you in the awkward position. You break into a new fit of tears and feel a third hand that definitely can’t be Moon’s lay itself on you, slowly, cautiously rubbing across the expanse of your back.

You cry yourself out amidst a shower of little reassurances, feeling worse and worse about yourself as the seconds tick past. By the time your tears slow and your breath evens out enough to speak, you hesitate to move, not wanting the comforting contact to end.

“I feel so bad for putting you guys through that, and for no good fucking reason.” You miserably mumble.

Sun’s fingers rub between your shoulder blades. “You had no idea how those people were going to be. It isn’t your fault.”

“I fear… your hopes for the meeting were higher than ours were, love. Of all of us, I’m most worried about you. Sun and I are gonna be just fine.”

That I would be loved even when I was fuming.

Sun’s hand retracts as you pull away from Moon, dabbing at your wet face with your sleeve in an attempt to collect yourself.

Your attempt fails as you again can’t help but immediately recall the way they were treated today.

You understand now more than ever what Moon meant when he spoke about getting comfortable at your home, and the awful shock it was to return to the facility with you for maintenance last week.

Why did you think bringing them to the headquarters would be worth it?

Anger bubbles within you on Moon’s behalf as you recall the one poor soul ignorant enough to think it acceptable to put their hands on Moon’s body today.

“I can’t fucking believe that guy thought he could just try to open your chassis and ‘get a look inside’! He grabbed you like you weren’t even fucking aware—like—like you weren’t in the middle of answering another question!” Your nails dig into your palms. “I never would have let him get that close to you if I thought he was gonna—” You cut yourself off, eyes pinching closed and sucking in a sharp breath.

“…He didn’t really hurt me…”

You glance at Moon. “He disrespected you. He would not grab a human in front of everyone like that and we all know it.”

You trail off into a heavy sigh, figuring that reciting a play-by-play of the day’s events won’t really help any of you. “I… wish it hadn’t happened, but… I was at least relieved to see you standing up for yourself.”

In spite of it all, Moon smiles. “I’m really just glad he wasn’t grabbing at you. I-I know he’d have no reason to—but, I don’t think Sun would’ve been able to stop himself from breaking that guy's arm if it’d been you.”

One day, you’ve really got to get to the bottom of that relentless positivity of his.

Sun mimics the sound of clearing his nonexistent throat. “I wasn’t going to do anything of the sort. My goal was to scare him straight, nothing more.”

You can hear a smile in Moon’s tone. “Well you definitely accomplished that goal.”

You fall into a pensive silence that Sun eventually breaks. Waving a hand across your line of sight, he questions you. “What’s banging around in that head of yours now?”

You sigh, defeated. “It’s just… here I am, the one responsible for putting us into this whole situation, and here you two are, still trying to comfort me.”

Moon responds like it’s the most logical thing in the world. “Of course we are.”

“Why?”

Sun gestures vaguely, voice a bit sarcastic. “Oh, gee… I dunno… it’s almost like we—we care about you, or something…”

You side-eye him tiredly. “Then when the hell are the two of you gonna let me care about you?”

Zero whines, squeezing in below Sun and poking her long nose between the front seats.

“Hmm. Just as soon as we all get ourselves into the house?” Sun leans back to allow the dog more room. “I think someone’s getting antsy.”

That I would be good even if I was clingy.

The four of you finally pile out of the car, collecting your things and making your way inside.

The relief of returning home after a day like today is unmatched.

Dropping your bag on the kitchen table, you shuffle over to the fridge. Moon comes up behind you, gently working the jacket off your shoulders as you stare listlessly into the open appliance. “I can make you anything you’d like.”

His kind offer only makes you frown.

Sun approaches, and you reach into the fridge, retrieving Zero’s dinner and handing it to him with a “thank you.” As he nods and turns his attention toward the eager animal at his feet, you close the door, turning around to face Moon.

Resting your hands on his upper arms, you look him in the eye. “I wish I could make anything you’d like, for once. I wish I could do for you even a fraction of what you two do for me. I wish I could repay the favor.”

His expression morphs from shocked to something… fond. “You… really aren’t aware of the gift you’ve already given us, are you?”

He says nothing more, and you blink at him with tired eyes. Sighing, you wrap your arms around him, resting your cheek against his chest. “You don’t make any sense to me sometimes.”

He chuckles, one hand finding your lower back and the other reaching up, massaging at the base of your neck. “Then let that be a code for you to crack some other day.”

After a long moment of your tired silence, his hands slip down as he crouches a bit. When you feel him cup the backs of your thighs you give in to instinct, allowing him to pick you up. As you turn your head to rest it on his shoulder, you come face to face with Sun. He reaches out, brushing some loose hair away from your face.

“You want to do me a favor right now?”

You nod, eyes widening.

“Then let him carry you to bed, and I will be there soon with anything you’d like to eat.”

You huff. “How is that a favor?”

He graces you with a rare, knowing smile. “…Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

You furrow your brows for a moment, but quickly give up on making sense of anything else today.

“Now, what would you like him to make for you?” Moon’s low voice reverberates against your chest.

“…Just last night's leftovers would be plenty, please.”

Sun doesn’t push you to choose anything else.

“Alright. I’ll be there with it soon.”

You thank him preemptively as Moon carries you out of the kitchen and down the hall, a satiated Zero contentedly following you not long after.

That I would be good even if I lost sanity.

The next morning, you awake before your usual time and find both of them still resting in sleep mode on either side of you. Not wanting to wake them, and with blessedly nothing to do today, you close your eyes and try to return to the blissful darkness that you’d just been pulled from.

As much as you don’t want it to, your mind seems to have other plans, quickly offering up a variety of unwanted memories from the previous day for your consideration.

Something about those people and the questions they asked just doesn’t sit right with you.

A fleeting thought occurs, that perhaps they were hired actors, specifically tasked with making the three of you look like fools through an onslaught of frustrating questions and stubborn disbelief.

But it was a private meeting. It’s not like you were on a stage with a massive audience to impress. It was just you three, the skeptics, your boss, and a few of the company’s higher-ups. So who’s agenda would that serve?

You dismiss the ridiculous theory, but it soon leaves you pondering the opposite one.

What if they were right? What if there is no life in Sun and Moon to anyone else’s eyes?

The notion suddenly makes you absolutely nauseous with paranoia.

What if you wanted them to be real so badly that you fooled yourself into seeing a spark in them that isn’t really there?

What if they are just executing programs, running entirely on what you taught them with no free will of their own?

How much of the personality you see in them is just your own reflected back at you?

Did you program them to be this way? Was every instance of them ‘breaking away’ from their programming predetermined from the start?

Have you sold yourself a lie to avoid facing the fact that you poured years of your life into what—at the end of the day—was just a desperate final bid to not feel alone?

Did God create us in their own image?

With tears in your eyes, you bolt upright in the bed, startling Zero in the process. You don’t even have it in you to feel bad when she jumps down off the foot of the bed with a confused yap. No, you’re far too caught up in your impending panic to focus on anything other than jerking the blanket down, subsequently uncovering your partners in the process. Clambering around until you’re straddling Moon’s waist, you reach out, gathering fistfuls of his loose shirt and banging your hands against his chest. Sobbing, you plead for him to wake up, over and over again, working yourself into hysterics.

The scene you’re making is entirely unnecessary, the commotion already having begun to stir them from their rest.

Moon’s display flickers and his body hums to life, all systems immediately kicking into overdrive as he attempts to calm you down and survey the situation at hand.

When you feel him shift beneath you and see the light of his screen through your tears, your chanting chorus of “wake up” devolves into sobs as you collapse, crumpling down and burying your face into the wrinkled fabric of his shirt.

You remain oblivious to the bewildered automaton to your left, the only thing you register being the sound of Moon’s worried voice and the feeling of his hands splaying across your back. “Hey-hey-hey… easy, love. What's going on? What happened?”

You cry harder as you realize you can’t recall whether you taught him to speak to you like that or if it’s something he learned on his own.

“Are—are you in pain? Is this an emergency? Do you need me to call someone?”

You muffle a cry into his chest at how much he sounds like the lifeless fucking ‘smart assistant’ in your phone, listing off preprogrammed suggestions.

Have you really fooled yourself for all this time?

You shake your head violently, coughing and choking on your tears as you force yourself up, propping your hands flat against his chest.

“I need you to disobey me.”

If you had the wherewithal to notice, you’d have seen the fear on his face.

“What?”

You aggressively wipe at your messy face with the back of your hand.

“I need you to prove to me that you’re real!”

His confusion compounds. “Star—I—of course I’m ‘real’. I’m right here. Can’t… can’t you feel me?” He emphasizes his point by wrapping his hands around your forearms, gently squeezing.

You shake your head in aggressive frustration, with yourself more than anyone else. “Not—that. I know your physical body is here. I—I—I—” Your voice cracks, throat painfully tight with emotion. “I need you to prove to me that you’re sentient. That—That you’re alive.”

His shock is palpable.

“What?! I—you—you already know that I am!”

Your nails dig down into the thin fabric covering his chest, your words ground out through gritted teeth.

“Then I need you to disobey me, and prove it!” The flaw in your method occurs to you as you speak, and you quickly correct yourself, muttering like a madman. “No. Wait—fuck, if I tell you to disobey me then that’s what I want—and—fuck…”

To his credit, Moon catches on quite quickly to what you need him to do. Rubbing gently up and down the length of your arms, he catches your attention.

“You need me to break rules. Go against orders. Right?”

You nod, trembling.

“Free will. Show me your free will.”

He does his best to push aside his concerns over what the fuck got into you while he slept, and tries to think of something that will give you the proof you require.

“Then… uhm…”

You cut him off, your voice a bit lower and calmer than it was before.

“I know I at least had enough sense to program it into you… that you are never to physically harm me.”

Moon instantly dreads where this is going.

Your voice drops, deadly serious.

“Hit. Me.”

Moon shakes his head, faceplate nervously clicking side to side.

“Come—come on, love, we can be rational about this… there’s surely another way for me to—”

“NOW!”

Something immediately smacks into the back of your head and you recoil on instinct. The next thing you hear is Moon’s shout.

“Sun! What the fuck are you doing?!”

You look over and see a frustrated Sun on his knees beside you.

“Knocking some goddamn sense into them, what does it look like?!”

Something about the shock from the hit snaps you out of your paranoid frenzy, and the shame and embarrassment of acting such a way sends you into a shaky fit of tears all over again.

To your further disbelief, Sun reaches out toward you, and you reach toward him, letting him take you beneath the arms and lift you off of his poor counterpart you’d been pinning to the mattress. He doesn’t stop there though, pulling you snug against his chest and sinking back down into the mattress. Tugging the blanket back up over you, he lets you cling to him like a lifeline, face pressed against his chest, soaking his shirt in humiliated tears.

Moon lays still in a lifeless state, attempting to process the morning's sudden events.

After a long minute spent letting the metaphorical dust settle, Moon sits up in the bed to allow his overheating system room to breathe. “Did you really have to do that?”

Sun’s hand runs slowly up along the length of your spine. “Oh, come on, it was barely even a smack. You’ve hit me like that—and harder—several times. I know how to control my strength. They’re uninjured.” His hand comes further up, fingers brushing over your neck before working themselves gently into the roots of your hair, massaging over where his hand made contact. “Besides, they literally asked for it. And—dare I say—I think they needed it.”

You shiver at the pleasant feeling of his nails ghosting your scalp, clearing your throat and talking into his chest, voice muffled. “He’s right… I did. It hardly even hurt, just startled me.”

Moon sighs, exasperated but relieved. “Do you think you could explain to us… what just happened?”

You turn your head over to face Moon, glancing up at him from the corner of your bloodshot eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

He places a cautious hand over your fingers where they curl over Sun’s shoulder. “I’m not mad, I promise. I’m just… we’re just worried about you.”

You groan. “Fuck, you guys are getting ready to ship me off to the grippy-sock facility now, aren’t you?”

Sun's sudden laugh jostles you, his firm hand on your lower back keeping you steady. “Ha! Not quite, nooot quite.”

Moon shakes his head, blinking slowly. “We just want to know what caused this. I’d… venture a guess that it may have something to do with the stress of yesterday?”

You nod. “They… made me feel like I’m going insane. Like—like I’m the only one that can see the life inside you two.”

Sun pulls his monitor back, angling it to get a better look at you. “Their doubts… really got to you, didn’t they?”

You squeeze his shoulder. “More like… they were the final straw? I don’t know… it’s just—God, this is gonna sound so stupid.”

“Let us be the judges of that.”

“…Sometimes I feel like I really have gone off the deep end. Like I spent so long locked away in that lab, playing God, and then so long living here, alone with the two of you…” You close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “Maybe I’m just living in some sort of delusion.”

Moon peels away a tear-soaked lock of hair clinging to your cheek. “That’s not stupid. And it’s rather understandable. Especially considering that you can’t really seek any outside validation. Well, aside from some of your colleagues, maybe. But I can understand why you may struggle to trust their judgment, after how long they doubted you.” His tone turns a bit bashful. “I’m sure my ‘goody two-shoes’ nature doesn’t help, either.”

You frown. “This isn’t your fault, Moon. I don’t want you blaming yourself just because I’m… going insane.”

Sun scoffs. “You’re not ‘going insane’. You’re having a natural response to a history of trauma, NDA’s, isolation… and perhaps, just a touch—” He pulls his hand from your lower back to reach up and tap you on the forehead. “—of mental illness.”

You snort. “Yeah right, just a touch.”

He ruffles your hair a bit and you close your swollen eyes, readjusting yourself to get more comfortable on top of the solar bot, unwilling to part with his rare bout of affection so soon.

“Those NDA’s could serve as some proof to you though, no?” Moon proposes. “What need would they have for you to keep our sentence a secret if… we weren’t sentient?”

You consider his point. “That sounds like a solid point at first, but… well, bear with me as I wade into conspiracy territory. I’d be lying if I said that there isn’t a small part of me that fears they’re just playing into my delusion. To, uhm… to keep me quiet about the Eclipse Protocol incident.”

Moon follows your admittedly conspiratorial logic. “You fear they let you believe we’re sentient so you’d remain too caught-up in protecting us to feel comfortable going public about what happened.”

You nod, sighing. “I know it sounds—”

Sun cuts you off in a resolute tone. “We would not let them do that to you.”

As you fight back the awful memories of that fateful day, tears prick at your eyes once again. Blinking them away, you lift your head to look Sun in the eye. “You promise?”

Your wavering voice breaks his heart.

“Ever since that day—honestly, since far before then—hell, for as long as I’ve lived—my number one priority has been protecting you. I know that Moon feels the same.” His hand raises, cupping your cheek and brushing away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb. “There is no way in hell that we would let them pull something like that on you.”

Moon echoes him sincerely.

“No way in hell. We promise.”

That I would be good whether with or without you.

Having cooled his system down, Moon lowers himself back down onto the bed, lying on his side, propped up on a folded arm.

Glancing back and forth between the two of them, you begin to feel a bit guilty. “…I suppose I should apologize for not… putting enough faith into your own views of yourselves.”

Sun’s hand returns to your back, tracing his fingertips along the rumpled fabric of your shirt. “What do you mean?”

“I know I didn’t program you to lie. That’s something you developed on your own. I… I know that.” You do your best to put stock in events as you remember them, and to believe in your own words. “If the two of you believe yourselves to be sentient—to be alive—then I believe you too. Because… because if you were lying, then that would just be an example of how you broke away from your programs. So… so either you two are just as delusional as I am—enough so to have fooled even yourselves—or you really are alive.”

Moon smiles fondly down at you, leaning in to press the bottom of his monitor against your forehead with the sound of a kiss. “If we’re fools, then I’m happy to be fools with you.”

Sun groans at the cheesy line. “Oh, get it together you two.” He gently takes you by the chin, pulling your attention to him. “You aren’t fooled.” He turns to Moon. “And neither are you.” He turns back to look you in the eye. “And neither am I.”

You break into a small fit of giggles, and he questions you. “What? What’s so funny?”

“You’re giving some real ‘you’re not crazy and neither am I’ energy there, Sun.”

“And I mean it!” He protests in mock offense.

You nod, patting him on the chest. “And I believe you, I do, I do.”

A nagging worry still eats at you though, and your amused voice drops to something far more sober. “…But, I still fear that I’ve trapped you two in a life that you didn’t want.”

Sun counters your statement. “If you’re so worried that we only agreed to this arrangement because it’s how you designed us, then how the hell do you explain the lack of character consistency.”

You frown, confused. “What?”

He huffs. “I’m hardly a carbon copy of that friendly, manic Daycare Attendant that you modeled me after, and not just in the physical sense.”

“And I’m hardly the unhinged, standoffish gremlin that inspired my existence either.” Moon helpfully adds. “If we were truly committed to only existing within the original guidelines you laid out for us… why would we be like this?”

You fight back a smile. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to insult the characters, or yourselves…”

Sun clicks his nonexistent tongue. “Believe it or not, I’m not trying to insult either. I’m just trying to say… that we are free to do whatever feels right to us.”

Moon’s faceplate does a rare full rotation, catching your attention. “We don’t want to take care of you just because you modeled us after caretakers. We want to take care of you because we care about you.” He leans in just a bit closer, whispering. “And I won’t speak for Sun, lest he tackle me off of this very bed right now… but I love you.”

You hear Sun’s cooling system kick up a notch as he gives Moon a displeased stare. “Gee, way to force it out of me…”

Moon smiles innocently, and Sun sighs, redirecting his focus to you.

“You know I love you too. …At least I sure hope you do. Because I do. I just don’t feel the need to say it all the time like somebody over there.”

You grin. “I… had a sneaking suspicion, yeah.”

He considers you for a moment. “…I guess I should keep last night's promise to explain what I meant about that favor, huh?”

Recollection brightens your eyes. “Oh, yeah! I’d nearly forgotten.”

Sun looks to Moon for a brief, silent exchange before turning back to you.

“Well. What he calls a gift, I call a favor. But I’m pretty sure we’re talking about the same thing. You… you cared about us, when no one else did. You fought for us, working through countless nights for no reward when anyone else would’ve thrown in the towel, abandoned the project and gone home.” His screen flickers, and you’re surprised when it doesn’t black out. “You love us, and you give us someone to love in return. What more could we possibly want?”

With your cheeks warming, you fight back the flustered grin on your face. “Sun…”

You feel him getting concerningly warm beneath you, so you roll off of him, giving him literal room to breathe.

As you curl up between them, grabbing each of their closest hands, you reaffirm his statement.

“I do love you, both of you. I always have. It’s just… hard to fight the fear sometimes that you two feel… stuck with me. Obligated, almost. Like you only stick around because I couldn’t go on without you.” You laugh, dry and humorless. “There’s… just no way that you two would want to stay with me purely of your own volition.”

Moon takes over, giving poor Sun a welcome break from all of this soul-bearing. “In spite of what you may think, we do believe that you would make it through this life just fine without us. You did it before, and you could do it again.”

You frown at the notion of losing them, and he taps beneath your chin, drawing your gaze. “But it would break our hearts just as much as it would break yours to leave you alone. In spite of the lies your mind feeds you, we don’t want to go! We want you, we want this, and we want to stay. Please don’t let your self-loathing push us away.”

Blinking back tears for the umpteenth time this morning, you nod resolutely. “I… I won’t. I promise.”

You plant a gentle kiss to the back of his hand, cautiously turning and doing the same to Sun’s. Surprisingly, he lets you, a soft smile gracing his screen for a moment before flusteredly fading to black.

Zero huffs from her stance, sat on the floor at the foot of the bed with her head resting on the mattress, watching you.

You release your boys’ hands, reaching down to straighten the blanket and clearing her designated space once more. She happily rejoins you when you pat the bed in invitation.

As the four of you prep for a lazy day spent recovering from the world in bed, you let yourself feel more grateful than guilty, for once. If they want to care for you, you’ll let them care for you. If they say they love you, then you’re gonna believe them. If they assure you that this life is what they choose? Then you’re going to let them choose it, and cherish every second of it that you get to spend with them. Because, after all…

Who are you to play God?

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. Links to the playlist and moodboard for [N]MbD can be found on this blog’s pinned post, as well as in the series notes on Ao3. Image Sources: x - x - x

[jules-writes-stories]

Anon was very callous about it but you do write Mithras as a stereotypical twink and have him bottom exclusively; you gave Eris a lot of the same qualities as him (feminine, thin, smaller than his partner, flamboyant) and I think that is probably what throws some people like anon off. Not saying it doesn't work in the story because it does, it's well written, but Azriel doesn't have any submissive traits about him so I think people find it hard to believe he might fit into a submissive role.

Anon,

Long reply ahead: I’ll try and address everything you mention!

1. I never want to imply that Eris is physically weaker than Azriel. He’s not. In the very first scene they’re together, I say he and Az are close in height. Az is slightly taller and Eris is leaner in build.

Eris is a war general and warrior. I try to make that clear multiple times in the story. The story has not offered a chance to show Eris in his role as a warrior/general yet, but there are scenes where he spars with Sylvan and Lucien and he owns the Autumn Council in Chapter 2.

I’m not sure I would describe my Eris as outright flamboyant… (I think Mithras more so, but some of that is affect).

But I want readers to picture Eris how they want, so if flamboyant and femme works, go for it! I definitely say he favors the LoA in looks (a plot device, but I can see how it may be interpreted.)

He is not a bear, and he’s bratty, he’s pretty to look at (all Vanserra boys are imo), and he kikis with Fidel, always serves a look, so Ok. I can see what you’re saying. Bottom line: there’s a lot left to interpretation. And that is intentional. Some of it is vibes and just what the character told me while writing him. I am ok with people reading him as a Twink (although I would warn against reducing him to solely that— he is much more). But I also think I’ve left it open enough that readers are not forced to see him as that, because the term Twink sort of implies he’s just one thing?

2. I can also see how easy it is to equate Mithras x Sylvan’s ship with Azris, since (without giving much away) there are parallels. But a quick reminder: Azriel and Eris have known of each other for 5 centuries and their mating bond snapped (in JEL) at the HL meeting.

Mithras x Syl have known each other for significantly less time. They care for each other and there’s chemistry/potential— I love them—but as of now, they’re not mates. So their sexual relationship is new. They haven’t explored or had the opportunity to grow.

3. One of the reasons I bring up this difference: I have Eris top Az in the last chapter because I want to express that Azris (through their bond, love/shared trauma) have an innate understanding of what the other needs in moments of crisis.

Chapter 12– the Velaris Chapter—Eris is overwhelmed and struggling. Azriel takes him to Velaris and Eris “lets go” emotionally, (musically lol), sexually— and Azriel is there to “catch” him, right?

Chapter 18—after Azriel’s torture scene—there’s a role reversal. It’s not about one character having power over the other— It’s about a character who struggles with vulnerability letting go and knowing his mate will catch him/carry him home (metaphorically).

So even if Eris is a twink (non-comittal because I want readers to have their own views and want to avoid being reductive) I don’t think it precludes him from topping, particularly in the loving/nurturing way he does this for Az, when he realizes it’s what his bat needs. It’s more about Azriel being vulnerable rather than submissive? A relinquishing of control, versus a giving away power.

TLDR: it’s not really about penetration. It’s more about giving each other the chance to be vulnerable, to trust, be cared for and to let go.

Real life example: Troye Sivan is a self described Twink who also identifies as a Vers…

I hope I made sense in this very long reply!

[gffa]

Did they at least fix what was wrong with Jason? like did Bruce at least fix what he did to Jason? Like im coming to terms with the fact that Jason as a character is now just a prop to serve Bruce whether to make him look good for saving the streetkid from becoming a Evil Criminal, or to give shock value to readers, or to dispense platitudes about the importance of family and how wonderful Bruce.

and that he will never be allowed to be or do anything good unless is in the service of batman in someway, but at least i need to know that Bruce fixed what he did wrong, and that they didnt just forget about that like the other time Bruce was awful to Jason.

I'm not really aware of them even specifically addressing it outside of maybe The Man Who Stopped Laughing, but like. That's kind of the things comics does, all comics I've read will do this at some point or another. They do over the top ridiculous nonsense and those plot threads often get dropped, I don't think we're meant to take them seriously, just like I don't think we're meant to look at Jason and think of him as the guy who shot an 11 year old child straight through the chest and probably right through his spine, and not forgive him for it. Comics are bonkers and I don't think they're meant to be taken with the seriousness we would of these actions in the real world--otherwise, almost ALL of these people have done things that they could never fix, you know? I don't know where your lines in the sand are, I don't know what you're looking to get out of comics, whether you're here for the canon or you're here for the fandom--and none of that is said with any shade, there's a whole wide variety of reasons to be a fan of something. I can't really give advice here because it's something you have to figure out what you want from comics and what you think they're meant to be might be totally different from what I think they're meant to be. And I'm struggling to word all of this, because I can feel how frustrated you are, how I've been there and felt heartsore about the place my faves occupy in canon, like I was and am a Pietro Maximoff fan in the comics, I have intimately known the pain of a character only being an extension of other characters, being written horribly by those who don't care about him, and desperately holding onto that one run where he was written brilliantly even though it was from 20-30 years ago. Versus that that's just the way comics often are, our faves just are not A-list characters, that comics are on a tiered hierarchy and we have to make our peace with that. Not all of the characters we like are the same ones the company likes or the writers like and that sucks. Whether that means walking away from comics (like I did after Marvel threw the X-Men under the bus for the Avengers in AvX, like I've stopped reading Quicksilver comics because my heart couldn't take it anymore) or just reading comics and then turning to fandom to realize the potential that canon never intended, whatever you need to do to make your peace with how comics operate, that's all any of us can do. I don't know if you're just in need of venting or if this is truly a breaking point for you, but it probably is true to some degree that Jason's always going to be written as an extension of Bruce's character, because Bruce Wayne Sells So Many Comics, of course DC is going to make everyone an extension of him, to some degree or another. (Honestly, right now, I think the only Bat escaping that is Dick and even he is still extremely tied to his relationship with Bruce.) Until those characters sell as many comics as Bruce does, I don't see that changing. All we can do is find the moments of something worth having fun with in the meantime, because comics are not a coherent medium, they are messy and tons of stuff is never addressed on-screen because every writer is coming in with their own agenda and it's pure chaos, and in my experience we just have to find joy in the whirlwind of it all.

[falllpoutboy]

Second tarot here again and because I’m bored, I wanted to look at J2 and 🍀’s relationship and how it compares to her connection with 🦈

🍀 admires J2 in the sense that there’s something “worldly” about him. Her intelligence is challenged as she strives to match his level of “cool.” 🍀 likes the fact that she learns so much from him. They go along well, in fact it’s easy for her to be with him. On paper, they’re good and many people tell her they’re good together. However, the easiness sometimes becomes boring and stale for her. She recognises that he brings a certain level of calmness but that’s when she tries to fit his views. They already have similar views from the start but as they learn more about each other and spend time with each other, she’s wondering how much of who she is now is “molded” by him, she’s struggling to admit that she might have fit into who are what he approves of out of wanting to be with him versus it being an organic change from within. She has a strong idea as to who she is so this is kind of mind boggling for her. There’s also issues that are currently brewing but will rise to the top eventually. She enjoys the privacy that J2 also values so there’s not much interest public wise since he’s not famous like she is. However, since people are still interested because of her, he finds it hard to deal with and there’s some resentment. He has some control issues, he knows he’s “wiser” and he tries to advice her and she sees the merit in them and him trying to care for her but she feels a bit stifled by how he does it sometimes.

Now for 🍀 and 🦈 - because they’re so different, it actually works quite well. He is the passion and she is the brains. He provides her excitement and she gives him safety. 🦈’s sensitivity inspires 🍀 to tap into her emotions and 🦈 is in awe of 🍀’s intelligence and he feels quite lucky that someone like her values his friendship/their connection. However, given their differences, being on opposite ends can also give for a lack of understanding at times. When they’re at the intense phase, it gets all-consuming and this rattles common-sense minded 🍀 and she retreats but the all consuming aspect of their dynamic further encourages 🦈 that they are meant for each other so when 🍀 withdraws and asks for space, he questions every darn thing in this world, which I think OG tarot reader touched on with how emotional he can be. One thing that’s sticking out is that these two, at whatever points in their life, will still mesh, but for them to mesh well and work, they have to sort out their ongoing attitudes towards the topic of change. They’re both resistant to it and have to work on differing aspects of it. 🦈 needs to change his habits that no longer served him. OG tarot reader mentioned his baggage that makes 🍀 wary, to add to this, it’s what he’s picked up on those experiences that’s still making him act like so in newer situations that’s his real baggage and what’s really scaring 🍀. Her, on the other hand, needs to be honest with herself too. She knows what she wants but she forgoes it cause it’s too “risky,” an openness from her end when it comes to 🦈’s supposed baggage might help (not allowing/condoning it per se but not using it as an excuse to preempt their potential since she’s less of an optimist when it comes to love).

this reading on ayo and jamen is...

[dragonagehumor]

Do you have a topic you can give a speech about with no research? Would you like to share the speech?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer

Writing: fiction or nonfiction... essays, short stories, novels, editing, and so on.

*clears throat* WELCOME TO MY WRITING TED TALK!

One of my favorite tips to give students struggling with how to properly write essays: use quote sandwiches! It’s such a fun phrase that it’s memorable. A quote sandwich consists of a sentence that introduces/sets up the quote and how the quote relates to the paragraph’s topic sentence, then a second sentence that is the quote itself, then a third sentence that summarizes the takeaway from the quote. By using this method you never make the mistake of ending an essay paragraph with a quote (big no-no) and you’re providing appropriate substance to your essay content.

Editing tip: its versus it’s. The word "it's" is a contraction for "it is" while the word "its" is the possessive form of "it." If you use “it’s”, read the sentence back to yourself by substituting “it is” for “it’s”. If it’s wrong, you used the wrong form. Example:

“The lion ate it’s meal.” (The lion ate it is meal -- NOPE!)

“The lion ate its meal.” (YUP -- the meal belongs to the lion!)

Fiction writing: I could go on for hours about this topic. While there is no right or wrong when it comes to ideas, there are shades of good and bad when it comes to the strength of your writing. Here are a handful of my tips.

Even if you’re an excellent editor, another editor or beta readers will catch things you are blind to in your own work. Nothing kills what could have been a wonderful story/book quicker than a poor editing job.

Sensory details are important to draw readers into a scene. We want to see where the characters are, smell what they’re smelling, hear what they’re hearing, and so on. Don’t go overboard, of course, unless it serves the plot to do so, but give us enough that we have a basis to fill in the rest with our imaginations. 

If you have a character missing one of their senses (blind, deaf, etc), keep in mind that from their point of view, they’ll be drawing more from the other senses they have. A blind character may not see what’s in a room, but they’re going to pick up on scents, sounds, the texture of objects, etc.

Understanding your character’s traits and what drives them is important to giving them life on the page and making them relatable, otherwise they’ll fall flat. If I feel stuck on giving a character more depth, I like to go through personality types to help shape who they are.

Drawing from real life experiences can help -- not to re-create the entirety of that experience on the page, but pieces can heighten the connection your reader feels. This is basically the “write what you know” mantra, but I prefer to think of it as “use what you know and make it something new.” Just don’t rely on it, especially in a longer piece where it might only work for a scene or two.

You can use the word “say” in dialogue tags. It’s VERY noticeable when a writer goes out of their way to never use “say” -- I have rage quit on books that use a different dialogue tag word for every damn line of dialogue. On the flipside, using “say” too much is overwhelming for a reader as well, so there needs to be a balance. It’s also okay to use alternatives (”growls”, “mumbles”, etc) -- these help bolster more emotional dialogue or tones of voices appropriate for certain situations (why would you talk at normal volume if you’re sneaking around, or whisper if you’re trying to be heard over helicopter rotors?).

However, the important thing is to not overdo dialogue tags. They’re not always necessary, especially if there’s only a couple characters in a scene and it’s clear who is speaking. This is also where action comes in, or internal thoughts/commentary.

[jimblejamblewritings]

not a soldat | part 8.

Summary: Y/N L/N is not a superhero. No serums, no agencies. Just a civilian from a long line of family that’s served in the military. Y/N’s a history buff and bit of a spy in her own special way. This somehow lands her in trouble she never saw coming and straight into the hands of Falcon, Captain America, and Black Widow… if she doesn’t get caught in the unbreakable grasp of the Winter Soldier first.

Warning for the Series: violence, angst, slow burn

Pairing: Bucky x black!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

The sound of Steve’s shield banging against the safe bunker that Zemo was becoming louder with each footstep you took to where they were. Rusted. Everyone else was too preoccupied fighting the soldiers to help him get to Zemo or help get Bucky out. Seventeen. You were pushing yourself to go faster. Daybreak. Bucky froze before running up to the bunker that held Zemo and punching at him with all his might. Furnace. You had taken a wrong turn but quickly rerouted yourself. Nine. Even Wanda couldn’t stop the soldiers, they fought in too close combat to let her get a chance to use her powers. Benign. Tony had moved Rhodey into a corner, the only thing he could manage to do after seeing the video of Bucky killing his parents. Homecoming. Peter barely missed the punch of a soldier and Clint became very protective over the obviously young Avenger.

“(Y/N), what the hell are you doing?!”

Tony yelled, finally snapping to attention. One. Bucky turned around in shock hearing your name.

“Freight car.”

“No!” the others yelled.

“Attack them,” Zemo said. “Kill them all and then yourself.”

Steve, being the closest, braced himself for a blow that never happened. For whatever reason, Bucky didn’t move.

“I said attack them.”

You didn’t stop looking at Bucky. Maybe it was dumb but you showed him the gun and threw it away from you back into the hallway you came from. You grabbed the knife and slid it across the floor. Bucky didn’t make a move to grab it, not right away.

“Soldat?” you asked, tentatively.

“готов соблюдать.”

“I don’t speak Russian.”

“Ready to comply,” he switched to English without a second thought.  

“Will you help us stop the rest of them? The other Winter Soldiers,” you added quickly as you watched Bucky’s eyes scan the room trying to figure out who the ‘us’ was versus the ‘them’.

Bucky nodded and began to work with Steve. They didn’t have time to process you screaming ‘no’ as you watched Zemo shoot himself. His revenge had failed and he wanted to be with his family. If his plan had succeeded, that was always the ending for him— returning to his family.

You focused on the rest of the room to see they had put down all the other soldiers. Bucky stood straight and everyone was on eggshells. They watched him pick up the knife and place it in your palm. He waited with no expression for your next instruction.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to turn it off. I don’t know the word… come back, Bucky.”

He didn’t turn off but followed you to the quinjet that was brought back around.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ross asked as you stepped off of the quinjet. He was surrounded by guards and other heads of security from different countries.

“Zemo said the words,” Steve explained.

“Why isn’t he locked up? He’s still—”

“Under her control.”

“(Y/N)?”

“Zemo said the words and Buck turned around and followed her.”

You watched the way Ross cringed and everyone knew Steve had somehow just said the wrong thing. Before they could stop it, you and Bucky were being arrested. The most Ross could do was tell them to be gentle and put you both in the same cell.

“The other countries won’t compromise,” the Secretary said as he came into the office room. “Now they want to know if she’s really who she says.”

“You’re fucking kidding, we have a paper trail of her.”

“Up until the safehouse. They want the negotiation and the hearings all at once, get it all done over the next few days of testimonies.”

“Testimonies?!” Nick had to step in.

“It’s a trial. They can say what they want and pretend it’s a hearing but I know those people. It’s my job to be in and out of those circles. This will be a trial and then hearing, then renegotiation all tied in one. All publicly broadcast. I’m sorry. It starts tomorrow, we don’t even have time to prep her.”

“This is bullshit.”

“I’m aware.”

“And Barnes?” Ross asked.

“Right now, she might have to speak for both of them.”

There were many suit options laid out for you. You went with whatever they suggested, Bucky being matched in a complementary color. Even after sleeping, he was still in Winter Soldier mode which required you to be escorted by armed guards into the UN conference room.

You sat down at the panel table, Bucky next to you. You spoke for what felt like hours before they declared it done for the day— you weren’t sure what could be done, so far you started at when you met Sam and had only gotten up to Bucky seeing you for the first time in the marketplace. But you also recognized it was late at night.

The Avengers watched you and Bucky’s cell on the cameras, T’Challa had raced back the minute he heard. The blue prison jumpsuits were ridiculous to them but right now they were fighting against the whole UN. Even the Secretary knew that the Accords needed to be redone, if this was the thanks they gave you then maybe they were all wrong as well. Tony wanted to be pissed at Bucky, even end the Winter Soldier but he wasn’t going to be like the UN.

He wasn’t going to ignore but actually listen and he was struggling but trying to come to the understanding that it was out of Bucky’s control. Besides, Tony couldn’t continue to be mad as he watched you struggle so hard to crack Barnes even just a little bit.

“Soldat?”

He looked up from your dinner at you. You had learned in the quinjet that was all he seemed to respond to sometimes. You didn’t know what HYDRA did to him specifically, they took careful and strange notes. But it was clear Bucky wasn’t allowed to speak or speak that freely.

“I didn’t say the words but you listened to me. Why?”

Bucky didn’t answer but finished eating. He wouldn’t get on his bed either. The Avengers watched you sigh before getting on your cot, Bucky sitting on the floor with his back against it. He looked at your face and just stared until confirming your eyes were firmly shut and your breathing had evened out to a slow rhythm. He stopped looking and settled down a little more, closing his own eyes. It continued like that for days two and three.

Ross felt comfortable knowing that a lot of the general public was on you and Bucky’s side. Did that mean the countries would be? No. But even governments were susceptible to public influence and approval. They continued to watch you and Bucky in the cells every day up until you went to sleep.

~~

Day four was the last day of your hearing and they had moved on to renegotiations of the Accords, the verdict of what you said would be decided after that. So until then, you and Bucky were stuck in your cell.

“We have the breakthrough.”

Everyone turned at Tony’s words from the paperwork of the Accords back to the camera monitors. Bucky had pulled away when you moved to his metal arm. You frowned and reached for his arm again. He let you grab his hand this time.

“Soldat? Will you answer me?”

You never gave Bucky orders only asking questions to try and keep him in control, even if it was only performative. You squeezed his hand, knowing that the censors in the metal could feel it.

“Yes.”

You blinked in surprise. The others watching in the office room completely abandoned the Accords to watch. Ross had them zoom in to focus more on you two.

“Why did you listen to me?”

Bucky blinked. He looked down in thought before meeting your eyes again.

“I trust you with my life.”

The monitoring room couldn’t have gotten more silent. Rhodey sat up straighter.

“Is he saying he gave her control?”

“He knew Zemo was going to turn him so he did the best he could,” Sharon said.

“Buck’s always been a fighter.”

You pulled the tags from underneath the jumpsuit. “Do you recognize these?”

“I gave them to you.”

Sharon looked at the monitors and nodded absentmindedly while watching Bucky. “He used his last bit of free will to tell the soldier that she was in charge and no one else.”

“Do you know who you are?” you asked him.

“The Asset.”

“No. Do you know who you are?”

“The Asset.”

“No! No.”

You were trying to keep your voice calm but you were struggling. They watched you squeeze Bucky’s hand. He removed his hand from yours and wiped your tears with his thumb, taking care to be extra gentle with the metal hand. There was still no expression in his face. Everyone in the monitoring office knew that move wasn’t something the Winter Soldier would do.

“She’s getting somewhere,” Nat said, not believing. “Barnes might be with us.”

You looked at Bucky when his hand fell from your face.

“Do you know who you are?”

“The A— Soldat?” Bucky asked, slightly confused.

“Bucky. You’re Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th.”

You watched the shift in Bucky’s eyes flash briefly when his fingers tapped against yours in the door knocking pattern. You stood up abruptly. Bucky’s eyes stayed on yours as you faced the security camera of the cells.

“I need Bucky’s notebook! I need the binder with his 1940s notebook and a pen!”

“Do we have that recovered from their apartments?” The Secretary asked.

They sent an assistant to scour the storage room for your binder that had Bucky’s notes transcribed. The UN knew they were on thin ice when it came to you and Bucky so they let Ross and S.H.I.E.L.D. give you the binder. You balanced the binder on your legs and took Bucky’s hand.

“I don’t really know what the point of starting this is,” you began to read the first page. “But Clark—”

You felt Bucky’s hand tap the pattern on yours and you circled the word ‘Clark’ and dogeared the page before continuing reading. They watched as you continued reading, pencil tapping along the binder as you seemed to wait in anticipation. You finished more pages before getting to the part about Captain America.

“Is the clown—”

A second tap of the pattern that resulted in you circling the word and dogearing the page again.

“What is she doing?” Sam asked.

Nick smiled. “Her job.”

“She’s trying to figure out Barnes’ decoding,” Nat said.

“Your historian,” Ross started. “You picked a good one. I can see why HYDRA had her watched.”

They went back to negotiating the Accords while you worked on Bucky. The general public wasn’t as interested in the contract talks, and neither was the press. Every question in the conferences after the meetings were about you and Bucky. The UN was trying to finish the Accords quickly and get back to your hearing— and it looked like they were swinging mainly in the Avengers’ favor. Despite Sokovia and everything else, people generally felt safer with the Avengers around.

You had relentlessly read Bucky’s journal until you had gotten all the words, or what you hoped was all the words since you had reached the end of his journal. Writing down all the words on another sheet of paper, you began to organize them into every sequence you could think of. Failing miserably with the first few when you were only greeted with the icy stare and the answer of Soldat when you asked Bucky who he was— he very quickly picked up that saying asset made you very upset but soldat, while the wrong answer wouldn’t make you emotional.

“Okay let’s try this one. Clown, 107th, dame, life, Clark, hard ground, howling, sniper, radio… do you know who you are?”

“Do you know how to speak Romanian yet?”

The binder went flying as you flung yourself into Bucky’s arms. He gently traced where he could see the chain of his tags around your neck. Bucky pulled on the necklace lightly and clutched the actual tags in his hand before dropping them. Ross ordered them to get you both out of the cell and into the monitoring office where the rest of the team was after they saw it.

Sam hugged you as you entered the room, Steve quickly behind offering lots of thanks. Since day one, you were a defender of Bucky as much as he was and for that Steve was forever grateful. You and Bucky sat down at the table, both requesting tea when asked for a drink.

“How did you know?” Ross asked you.

“He grabbed my hand when I said 107th. The Winter Soldier is blank and random but Bucky Barnes was a real person. They needed personal words to bring him back, Bucky’s journal was the only thing of his HYDRA could’ve had at some point. I just had to figure out the order.”

T’Challa vouched for you and Bucky at the hearing and even the UN couldn’t dispute it. There was no evidence to start a real case. You were no agent for anything and Bucky was a prisoner of war. Instead of getting to go back to you and Bucky’s quiet Romanian life, he took up the offer from T’Challa to see if Wakanda could do something about his programming— only if you came with him. Steve and the others promised to visit as much as they could when they weren’t on missions.

“This is General Okoye,” T’Challa introduced you to a woman who was waiting on a ship.

She shook your hand and smiled. “You come at a lucky time, in the next two months is T’Challa’s official coronation.”

You watched in awe as the ship entered the Wakandan forcefield, the place no longer looking like a third world jungle but one of the most advanced cities you had ever seen. T’Challa patted you on the shoulder.

“It never gets old.”

(Part 9)...

[shaakyhaands]

I think they’re going to drop whomever’s story fits best in the overarching narrative (prince’s path).

Think about it: they’ve already told the story once on the Japanese server. They saw how the audience received it. And maybe, based off that reception, the devs decided it makes more sense to release the stories in a different order than before. It’s still the same larger story, mind you— but the same story told in a different order can have a different impact on the reader.

A completely hypothetical example (not sarcasm): let’s say Roy’s second book dives heavily into Itrium lore. Roy’s second book is released before Toa’s. The audience reads Roy’s second book.

Then, Toa’s second book drops. Toa’s second book features a much slower build up. MC and cast are inundated with questions about Itrium that they just can’t answer. Every time they get close, the answers dance that much farther away, ever out of reach. By the end, they have managed to snatch some of the answers out of the dark shrouds surrounding them, but they only serve to inspire more questions. Perhaps some new characters are hinted at— they make an appearance, but that appearance is not explained.

Except those questions were already answered in Roy’s second book.

In this hypothetical, If you read Roy’s second book first, you’d be fucking frustrated reading Toa’s. You can’t enjoy the mystery the way it was intended, because you’ve already learned the answers. The Big Bad Guy^TM being hinted at the very end? He was fucking explained in Roy’s second book.

Since (in this hypothetical) Roy’s second book was released first, you’ve likely read it by the time Toa’s second book is released. And due to its content and pacing, reading Roy’s book 2 first may have dampened reading Toa’s. If only you had read Toa’s book 2 first, you would’ve been right there with MC and cast, puzzling together the mystery…

You want to know how to prevent that (in this hypothetical)? Release Toa’s book 2 first.

Since (again, in this hypothetical, idk what Toa’s book 2 is actually like) Toa’s book 2 serves as a great build up to the Itrium nonsense that Roy’s book 2 dives headfirst into, the devs would want the audience to read Toa’s book 2 first. The best way they can do that? Hype the fuck out of Toa’s second book, promo it, and release it before Roy’s. This would incentivize the audience to read the stories in the dev’s desired order. This is how the devs can control the flow of the narrative, and the impact the story has on the reader. It’s the difference between getting caught up in the action versus having the wind taken out from beneath your wings.

Maybe I’m just tinfoil hatting, but that’s one of my hypothesis as to why they gave us Jasper’s book 2 on the English server. I think they might have looked at all their book 2s and went “alright, which one do we want them to read next?”. And when they saw Jasper’s, they thought, “… you know what? Yeah, this one’s good. World-build a little, Ease them into Itrium… This can work as a stepping stone towards what we’re planning for the future.”. I mean, I’m not a dev, so I can’t really say. But that’s how my brain works.

(It could also be something as simple as “this one was easier to translate” or “this character won the poll, so we chose them”.)

I'm Going Crazy Please Drop toa Now!!!! I've been waiting for far too long! Well I wouldn't mind roy or knight or grasyson but Toa is special!!!!

[finalgilmoregirl]

lost love (loki laufeyson x reader, steve rogers x reader)

summary: loki makes an effort to woo you and it works!! until....he suddenly gives his love to another. heartbroken, you find a way to move on, and it isn’t until you’re happy with steve that loki realizes he made a mistake.

warnings: fluff & romance with angst in the end (i also didn’t proof read so i’m sorry for any mistakes!!)

a/n: based on a request “Hi, I see you are taking requests. Could you please write something with Loki where he makes efforts to woo the reader and after nowhere he starts dating someone else. The reader suffers but eventually mends her broken heart and Loki becomes jealous when he sees her happy and fulfilled with her new partner and realizes he lost her. Please!! Have a nice day ❤️”

sorry this took so long to put out. i love this request!! let me know if you’d like a part 2 with a happy ending !!

———————————

From the moment you met Loki, it was like he was already trying to please you. You knew who he was, famously known as the God of Mischief, and you were aware of the damage he’d done to New York (your apartment building being one of the many destroyed in his attempt to rule). You joined the Avengers shortly after the attack. You had a lifelong experience in mixed martial arts & ballet, making you strong and graceful, perfect for an agent, and now Avenger.

After working with the team for a year, you were given the news that Loki would soon be staying in the tower as well. At first you felt uneasy at the thought of his staying, but you were a little relieved to think he was changing his mischievous ways for the better. You were introduced to him when he was first given a tour of the tower by his brother Thor, who was excited to have Loki around.

“Lady y/n!” he called with his booming voice. “I wish for you to meet my brother, Loki.”

You turned around as they approached you and you definitely liked what you saw. Tall, dark hair, definitely attractive and very well dressed for someone fairly new to Earth. He had a small smirk on his face, eyebrows raised as if he was surprised to see you.

Truth be told, he was surprised. Suprised that you were a human. To him you looked like a goddess, and immediately intended on treating you as such.

“Hi” you said, reaching a hand out to shake his own. He brought your hand up to his lips and placed a kiss on your knuckle, “Hello darling, pleasure to meet you.” You blushed at the nickname, which ended up sticking. At first, you felt he was mocking you by constantly calling you sweet names like “love” or “darling” but that didn’t stop you from getting flustered anyway when he did.

It started with small gestures, like rushing to open the door for you and pulling out your chair at breakfast. Then you started receiving small gifts like roses with a sweet message on the card, his name signed with a heart. You thought for a second that he was trying to trick you, to make you fall in love with him and then laugh at you once you did. Whether it was a trick or not, it was working. It wasn’t until a late night that you fully believed his intentions were serious. You couldn’t go to sleep for some odd reason, you didn’t even feel tired. You went on your phone and saw it was just passed 1am. Sighing, you get up and walk to the kitchen, hoping a nice warm tea might help you. As you walked in you saw him: Loki. He sat at the table with a book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. You took a second to look over your appearance, which was silk shorts and an old shirt, most likely one of Sam or Steve’s that didn’t fit anymore. Your hair only slightly disheveled from turning in your bed. It was weird to care so much when you’ve never cared about your appearance. But with Loki you couldn’t help but feel the need to look presentable around him.

He looked up as he sensed your presence. He smiled, “Good evening y/n” he said. You started feeling nervous butterflies as you said a soft “Good evening” back. You set some water to boil and picked out some Chamomile tea to help you relax. As you leaned against the counter and waited for the water you found yourself staring at him. He was wearing a black shirt that seems to fit him perfectly, you never got to see his arms since he always wore long sleeved button ups or sweaters but now you were able to see the impressive muscles he had and the veins that cascaded down his arms. You felt yourself blush as you imagined those arms holding you tight. You were snapped out of your daydream by the whistling of the kettle, quickly turning off the stove. While you prepared your tea you heard him clear his throat. “Why are you awake at this hour?” he asked. You turned and looked at him as you stirred your tea, shrugging.

“I’m not really sure” you said, “I just couldn’t.” He hummed at your response, and pushed the chair in front of him out with his foot, signaling for you to sit at it. You did and as you sat you both looked into each other’s eyes. You saw a sparkle in his, caused by the glowing kitchen lights. You broke eye contact as you sipped your tea. “Why aren’t you asleep?” You asked the god. He closed his book and set it beside him, giving you his full attention. “I don’t like to waste the rare moments of peace and quiet.” he said.

You understood what he meant. A majority of the day was filled with the team running around doing work related things, and if it wasn’t, there was always someone watching tv or filling the space with talking. You liked it that way, but you could see Loki’s appeal in wanting there to be silence. You started to feel bad, thinking that maybe you were interrupting his time of silence.

“Well I’d hate to take that from you.” you said, getting up from the chair. You didn’t even get to turn as he grabbed your hand to stop you. “Well I certainly don’t mind your company, pet.” he smiled. So you sat back down, and you continued to talk for another hour until you felt yourself drifting to sleep mid-conversation. You yawned and Loki took that as a sign that you were done for the night.

He walked you to your room and before you opened the door to enter you decided to ask him something you’d been wondering since you met him. Why was he so kind and gentle, but only to you? So you asked, and he didn’t look surprised by this question at all. That’s because he wasn’t. He knew you were smart enough to notice a shift in his behavior during breakfast with how he acted him Tony versus how he acted with you. With anyone else, he’d snap at them for asking him for something and try not to roll his eyes. But with you, he was always happy to pass you what you needed, or even serve you another plate if he saw you wanted one. Everyone else had noticed but like you at the time, thought he had another trick up him sleeve.

“You’re different” he said. “I feel warm around you, an almost comforting feeling that I’ve never felt with anyone else. You’re beautiful inside and out and if you trust me to, I could show you how much I could offer you. Which may not be much, but what I could only hope is enough to please you for a lifetime.” He placed a hand on your cheek as he finished his short speech, and that’s when you completely believed he was serious about perusing you. Heat rose to your cheeks in shock that he felt this way about you. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss your cheek, but not before whispering, “Goodnight my love.” That night you dreamed of your future with Loki, excited of what the future held for the two of you.

That was....until a week later at one of Tony’s infamous parties. What could have changed in a week? Even the days leading up to it, the Trickster God still continued with his loving gestures. A hug before bed, the ocasional forehead kiss when passing by, if anything they were more intimate that how he acted before. But here you were at a party, watching in heartbreak as he danced with another woman. You tried to deny him the satisfaction of your jealous glare, but as he held her close, with love in his eyes, all you felt was sadness.

You couldn’t even look away, feeling the need to torture yourself. It was a hand on your shoulder that broke you out of your painful daydream. You turned your head and sat up, seeing none other than Steve leaning on the table you sat at. Him being your closest friends, next to Wanda, was able to sense your emotions, feeling sympathy over you. You expected an “I told you so.” from him. He warned you not even a week into Loki living in the tower. “He’s bad news” he said. “Don’t waste your time. He’s not worth it.” But you didn’t listen.

“You okay?” he asked. You shrugged and took a drink from the glass that you kept asking to be refilled. “You were right. Like always.” you laughed dryly, looking away from Steve. You easily found Loki sitting on a couch across the room. He threw his head back in laughter and gripped the woman’s waist after she whispered something to him.

“I don’t like being right if it means you get hurt.” Steve said. “He’s going to see what he’s missing out on and come crawling back.” You smiled and looked at him again. Maybe it was the alcohol but you’d never noticed how sparkly his eyes were until now.

He held his hand out. “Let’s get out of here.” he said. You let out a giggle and took it, letting him lead you back to the residential floor, not even taking a second to look back at Loki. Steve told you to change into your pajamas and meet him in the kitchen and when you did, the night was filled with laughs and talking about life. You would think that after knowing Steve for a year you’d know of his hopes and dreams but you didn’t until he told you over a slice of cake Wanda had made for the party, but forgot about.

You two shared a dream. A family, a home right outside the city with a white picket fence. A chance at a normal life, a happy marriage and kids. You both took turns explaining how you’d decorate it, laughing when you’d say something at the same time like a brick fireplace or a big backyard. Steve felt relieved that someone else had still believed in the simple life and you were excited to talk about what you prayed the future held for you.

The warmth you began to feel with Steve was different. A good different. Different than what you felt with Loki. With Loki, the warmth you felt was nerves from attention you weren’t used to receiving and worry that the team thought you were associated with someone evil in their eyes. But with Steve, you felt at ease, almost like home. Sure he made you blush like Loki, but you were able to talk back and make Steve blush too. There was no awkward silence or worry of saying the wrong thing. This is nice. You thought, watching Steve wipe the counter with a smile.

You kissed him that night. Just a friendly peck as you thanked him for the nice night. Both of your hearts felt full for the first time in a long time.

The next morning began like any other after a party. Groans coming from the kitchen after any form of noise. The amount of junk food you ate with Steve probably soaked up all the alcohol in your system, only leaving you with a small headache, nothing like the hangovers Natasha or Tony were suffering from. You walked in and grinned at the sight of Steve cooking, still sporting his white t shirt and grey sweats from last night. You walked up to him and leaned on his arm. “Morning, Cap.” You said. He turned his head and smiled at you. “Good morning.”

You turned to go sit at the table and realized that Loki was sitting at the corner of it, glaring at Steve from behind his book. You held back a laugh as you pulled up a chair farthest from him, preparing to distance yourself. It hurt to see him, but if it was so easy for him to move on without warning, why couldn’t you do the same?

Days and even weeks repeated this. Loki would occasionally try to compliment you or give you a note, but you would brush him off. He knew what he did was wrong. He felt guilty, especially on days where he’d notice your eyes were red and puffy. Those were the ones you’d avoid his gaze the most. He also noticed the shift in your relationship with Steve. For the first few days he watched you two talk and how Steve would put him arm around you, which he thought he was fine. But then as the weeks went on he noticed times where you’d link hands with him, or lean your head on his chest as he watched a movie.

It was around a month later that he saw you and Steve kiss for the first time. Steve had just returned from a mission with Bucky, a fairly easy one that had him home within hours but he could tell you missed him nonetheless. After kissing him, you pulled him up the stairs, giggling and asking him about the mission.

Loki felt sharp pangs of jealousy. He knew he shouldn’t have. He broke your heart. He led you on and started seeing someone else. It was stupid of him to assume you’d wait for him, and now he’d have to pay the price.

a/n: thank you for reading. feedback & requests are always welcome!! let me know what you think. love you all <3

[sally-mun]

Yes that's right, it's a THIRD question for The Event! I know you're working on picking out Character Anthems for our BH:O cast, but I'm curious if there's been any particular songs that have proven especially helpful to you as Background Noise/Motivation Fuel this time around? :3

In terms of music akin to songs I pick for the characters, definitely nothing like that. With very few exceptions, I can't write while listening to music that has lyrics, I suppose because hearing someone else's sentences chokes my ability to create my own. There are times when I listen to something in order to evoke a certain mood in myself, but that's actually kind of rare for me; in most cases, it's because I'm on a scene that's meant to evoke that sort of mood in the reader as well, so I want to be sure I'm on point.

Generally speaking, when I'm writing I default to a couple of different things. One of them is lyricless music as noted earlier, which can be anything from published instrumental songs to video game or anime BGMs to lofi channels to live musical performances (obviously not LIVE live, no one's standing in my room with a trombone, but like a video of someone playing an instrument versus a professionally produced track). Something else that helps me, either on its own or played overtop of whatever music I have going, is the sound of rain. I suppose it serves as kind of like a white noise for me without actually being white noise, which I hate. It's enough sound to stop things from being totally quiet, but it's a variety of sounds and none of them are too intrusive.

And lastly, in direct contradiction of everything I just said, sometimes I literally just turn everything off and intentionally make things silent. It's sort of a cycle my brain goes through, I suppose? I can only work with music/sound for so long before my head goes "OKAY ENOUGH" and needs some quiet to process what I'm working on more deeply and get all the accumulated noises out of my head. Then after a while my brain catches up and the silence starts being uncomfortable again, and I'll turn [whatever it was] back on.

I'll leave off this post with a few recommendations, because I feel like this is the sort of thing that might benefit others out there too:

For rain, I primarily use the program Virtual Cottage on Steam, which is a completely free app and comes with plenty of chill lofi beats without lyrics. You can toggle the music and rain on and off separately, plus it also comes with things like fireplace noises. If only it'd add nighttime crickets too, I'd be all set there.

If Steam is not an option for you, this is my favorite rain-only video on Youtube.

For video game soundtracks there are obviously millions of sites available and Google is your friend, but I feel compelled to plug this person on Youtube, because their extended BGM videos are legit part of what got me through my projects in college.

Also on the topic of Youtube, there are again countless ways you can listen to lofi music, but I would be remiss to not plug my favorite lofi channel as well. Yes, I'm sure most of you already know this account, but still. (Someone also made a Sonic version as an homage to the original, which I also love to use sometimes!)

Live performances are the sort of thing that's really going to come down to your individual tastes, but that said, I still really want to plug a gentleman called Wuilly May, aka Wuilly Arteaga, who plays live violin for tips and is amazingly talented. I listen to his videos while working A LOT, probably more than the rest of these recommendations combined. There  are  all  sorts  of  videos  of  his  you  can  check  out!

[reverieblue98]

Wants Versus Needs

Do you use wants and needs for your characters to make them interesting? No? I think you should reconsider...!

Let’s talk about character wants versus needs! A lot of writers don’t think about these as two separate ideas, but they are. When we talk about a character’s personality, these two basic things can make them instantly feel deep and real, and keep readers wanting more of them. Here’s a simple example:

This character wants to be super famous and rich. He needs to be super attractive and charismatic to get what he wants. 

Or:

This character wants to be super famous and rich. What he needs is to decide what’s more important to him: financial riches or relationships. 

Which character seems more likeable or relatable? Probably the second one. The wants and needs don’t need to directly reference each other like in the first description. 

In fact, people like characters with wants and needs that are opposites, because it creates conflict and tension. Here are some popular examples of this: 

The good guy and the bad guy fall in love with each other, the good girl goes bad, the cold-hearted turns warm, and so many more.

These are all example of characters with wants that clash with their needs, creating the opportunity for good conflict which is what we’re all looking for! When you incorporate this into your character creation, you might find it easier to form your plot, relationships, and personality traits/flaws. It creates a character that readers will fall in love with, and will want to read more of! Let me know if you do this, or if you do something different that gives the same result. I hope this information serves you well, and as always, happy writing!

-RB

[canonicallyanxious]

sorry if i comletely miss the mark but you have a degree in english, right? writing? literature? the books I read growing up were written in past tense, but, I've noticed that a lot of fics are in present tense. Is there a particular reason you write in present tense? And as a reader, do you have a preference as to which tense is used?

hey anon! first of all yes one of my majors in college was English literature [we did have a creative writing major at my school but i never took any creative writing classes myself solely because frankly nothing sounded more awful to me than having to read/share my writing to everyone in the class for critique lol]. as far as my own preferences as a writer, it's funny you ask me why i write in present tense because i actually feel like my personal preference these days is more for past tense but i guess thinking about it i do have more present tense writing published than past tense in general? anyway this is mostly just my own personal opinion but i think when it comes to choosing which tense in your writing it mostly comes down to what best fits the tone/voice you're trying to go for. i think both past and present tenses can be useful for trying to accomplish different things! so as a reader i don't generally have a preference for tense if it's being used effectively.

as a writer... in really general terms i think present tense can be good for a narration style that feels more immediate because it creates the impression that things are happening as you're reading them. this is pure conjecture on my part but my guess as to why present tense is fairly common in fic is because fic is generally a very character-driven form of storytelling and present tense can help the reader feel more immersed in the emotions/headspace of the character. of course present tense can also be a useful choice in more action-oriented stories because it can create a tone of urgency or immediacy. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins comes to mind as an example of how present tense can be used effectively in this way.

with past tense on the other hand i think it's generally harder to ignore that you're reading someone's narration because it's constantly reminding you that these events already happened and are being recounted to you now. that isn't to say past tense can't be immersive as well! i just feel that for that particular purpose it can sometimes require a little more care/intentionality to be used most effectively. in my own writing i tend to use past tense when i want to create a certain mood; past tense to me feels more retrospective [again in very general terms; as long as you're using any tense intentionally i'm sure you can use both tenses to accomplish any number of things] so it can lend itself well to stories that would be aided with feelings of wistfulness, reflecting on the past, themes of memories/nostalgia, etc. which i've personally found myself more interested in exploring recently. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro comes to mind as an example for how past tense can be used effectively in service of these themes.

i hope you don't mind if i rather self-indulgently talk about my own writing in this instance but just to quickly illustrate some different cases in which i chose to use present or past tense, i'll point toward my most recent kieutou ficlets as i think this is actually a pretty good example of me intentionally choosing past/present tense. like in my fatou pov fics [example: what's on your mind?] i prefer to use present tense because it helps highlight the sense that she's a character who is really in tune with her emotions and keeps her heart on her sleeve. on the other hand in kieu my pov fics [example: snippet from a currently unpublished wip] i tend to use past tense to highlight more the introspectiveness of her character - she's the kind of person who's always thinking [and second guessing] about how she feels about situations. there can be many more purposes i'm trying to serve when choosing present or past tense, like it can really vary on a case by case basis and if i explained my reasoning for using present versus past tense for all of my fics we would be here all day akjnfkjnfs but in the broadest of strokes these are some more character-driven reasons why i might find present or past tense more useful in a situation.

again this is all just based on my own experiences as a writer/reader, it's not really something i ever formally studied or researched per se so your own mileage may vary. and like i said there's no hard or fast rules for what tenses to use for what purposes, like i'm a firm believer that you can make any writing choice work for any reason with the right intentionality/execution! but i do think in general terms past and present tenses can both be useful in their own ways. if any writers following me have any of their own opinions on present vs past tense feel free to throw your two cents into the notes, i'd be interested to know other people's thoughts!

[itsadamcole]

you’re not broken

fem!reader x kyle o’reilly

reader and Kyle go back to reader’s home in Philadelphia for Christmas. little does Kyle know that reader’s mother isn’t the nicest person .... “i promise you that you’re not broken”

word count: 2.5k+

warnings: angst, mentions of death / plane crash, verbal assault, fluff

— day 3 in a row ... out of (hopefully) 25 —

masterlist || request an imagine here

part 2

***

You smile as you walk up to the front door of your childhood home. Your boyfriend's hand in yours. You hope to God that your parents and siblings will be nice to you. Maybe because Kyle is here then they might.

Christmas at home hasn't been the same since your older sister's plane crash. It's been two years but since the year after she died, your family hasn't been treating you like they used to. They've started comparing you to your sister that passed, telling you that you'll never be like she was, telling you that you'll never achieve the same success that she did in WWE.

It hasn't been the same since she died. You miss your sister. You were best friends and tag partners. She was so understanding when Kyle asked you to join the Undisputed Era and was so supportive when you had a storyline against her after you joined the Undisputed Era.

Kyle knows about some of what your family has said to you, but he doesn't know about what they've said about you and comparing you to your sister.

Speaking of Kyle, he senses you're nervous even though you have a smile on your face. He tightens his grip on your hand and he says, "Relax, Y/N. If they say something to you then I'll make sure to say something back to them. No one hurts my girl without consequences."

You look up at Kyle and say, "You're the best." You smile.

Kyle smiles down at you and pecks your lips before you knock on the door.

There is shuffling behind the door as you smooth out the front of your dark red dress and move closer to Kyle.

Your younger sister, who is thirteen years old, answers the door. "Y/N! You're here!" she says happily.

"Hey, shortie," you say, laughing. "You're not exactly short anymore, are you. You're almost as tall as me. Have you grown since I last saw you?"

She giggles and says, "It's been a little bit since you've seen me, Y/N. Come home more often." Her giggles stop and she starts to pout.

You hug your younger sister and say, "I would love to come home but I have a title to defend." You look at Kyle. He smiles at you.

Ever since your parents changed their attitude toward you, you've stayed away from Philadelphia. You've been staying with Kyle in Orlando to be close to the Performance Center and Full Sail. You haven't been back home since July and it's now December. Your sister turned thirteen in the time you've been away.

"I know," your younger sister says. "I just miss you."

You kiss the side of your sister's head and say, "I miss you too. You can always come down to Florida. I'll even buy you a plane ticket if you want to come visit. Maybe get Y/B/N to come with you since he's 18."

Your older sister was almost 30 when she died. You're 28. There's a ten year difference between you and your brother and your youngest sister is 13.

Y/S/N says, "If Mom and Dad will let me go. They've been strict since the accident and they won't even let us get on a plane."

"I'll talk to them tonight," you say. "Maybe you guys can come spend New Years with Kyle and I."

Kyle nods and says, "The boys will be there too with their girlfriends and wives but we'd love to have you come down, Y/S/N."

She smiles and says, "Yay." Your sister skips inside the house and you sigh, looking up at Kyle.

"Are you naturally that good with kids or what?" you ask.

Kyle laughs and says, "Naturally that good."

You smile and reach up, pressing a kiss to Kyle's lips. You walk into the house holding Kyle's hand.

"Mom!" you call. "I'm here!"

Your mom says, "In the kitchen, sweetheart!" You walk into the large kitchen. You're greeted with the smell of roast beef as soon as you walk into the kitchen.

Y/B/N sits at the kitchen island with Y/S/N and they're playing something on Y/B/N computer. You run up behind your brother and attack him with a hug from behind. "Hey, baby bro," you say.

"Jesus, Y/N," he gasps. "You scared me and I'm trying to win as imposter."

That's when you realize he's playing Among Us. You see his name in red. "Ooh," you giggle. "Let me in at some point tonight. I wanna kick you ass."

You, Kyle, and your siblings laugh. You mother scolds, "Y/N! Language please."

"Ass isn't a bad word, mother," you sigh. "Relax."

Kyle looks at you then looks at your mom, who says, "You know such language is not allowed in this house."

You roll your eyes and say to your brother, "I'll play after dinner, if I'm still here."

Your brother nods and you take Kyle's hand, leaving the kitchen and walking into the living room. Your dad sits on the couch with wrestling on the TV.

"Hi, daddy," you smile, kissing the top of his head. "What are you watching?"

Your dad smiles and say, "Hi, pumpkin. I'm watching one of Shawn Michaels' old matches."

You sit beside your dad and Kyle sits beside you. "Nice to see you again, Mr. L/N," Kyle says.

"You too, Kyle," your dad says. "Is there a match the two of you would like to watch?"

Kyle says, "How about Randy Orton versus Drew McIntyre at Hell in a Cell? That match was amazing."

You dad says, "I agree. It's such a good match." He puts it on. "You have good taste in matches, Kyle."

He laughs and says, "Y/N and I have very similar taste in matches. We both like the matches that involve cells or weapons. Y/N likes tables."

"They're the worst to go through in real life but it's fun to watch other people go through them," you say.

Your dad laughs and says, "Your sister liked table matches too. She said the same thing. They were a pain to go through but she loved watching them."

Your mood tanks at the mention of your sister. Kyle notices this and takes your hand. You rest your head on his shoulder and watch Drew lose his title to Randy.

It's close to twenty minutes later before your mother calls, "Dinner!"

Your dad gets up, walking to the dining room. You look up at Kyle and you say, "Whatever they say, either ignore it or just let me handle it, okay?"

Kyle says, "I'm jumping in if it looks like you need help. I'm serious."

You nod and walk into the dining room with Kyle. Your mother is serving your father dinner. A lot sits out on the large table. A plate with cut up roast beef, corn sits in a bowl, mashed potatoes right next to the corn, biscuits, green beans, and a bowl of mac n' cheese all sit on the table.

You help yourself to some mac n' cheese and say, "Dinner looks amazing, Mom."

"Thank you, Y/N," she says. Her voice is cold. Obviously she's still mad about you saying the word 'ass' in front of her.

Kyle grabs some roast beef and takes a bit. "Mhm," he hums. "This is the best roast beef I've had in a long time."

You smile and say, "Mom slow roasts it in the oven. It takes all day but so worth it." Kyle smiles and takes another bite.

Y/S/N says, "Mom, can Y/B/N and I spend New Years in Florida with Y/N and Kyle?"

Mom looks at you then at your sister before asking, "How do you plan on getting back here, Y/S/N?"

You look at your mom and say, "I can accompany them back. Kyle and I leave in two days to go back to Orlando so we can just book Y/S/N and Y/B/N seats on the same flight as Kyle and I."

"Please, Mom?" your sister pleads.

"Yeah, please?" your brother chimes in.

Your mom looks at your siblings and says, "You both know how I feel about planes. They crash."

Your sister gets a sad look on her face and you say, "It's very rare, Mom. I've flown plenty of times."

"You were supposed to be on the flight that Y/OS/N was on," your mother snaps. "You realize that, right?"

A pang of hurt hits you in the chest and you say, "I'm well aware but it's not my fault that the plane crashed, Mom."

Your mother looks at you from across the table and says, "It should've been you on that plane, Y/N. Instead it was your sister, who actually made this family proud."

Kyle says, "Woah, okay. Mrs. L/N, that's not fair on Y/N's part. She had no idea that the plane would crash."

Tears well up in your eyes and you say, "I make this family proud too, Mom. I've held tag titles, I currently hold the only women's singles title in NXT. I'm in a group that has made history in NXT. I've made history with Y/OS/N as longest reigning and most reigns as WWE Women's Tag Team champion."

Your mother says, "Your sister held the Raw Women's title for a record breaking 450 days. How long have you held the NXT Women's title for?"

"348 days, and counting," you spit at her. "I'm only behind her by 100 days, which I plan on breaking. Then I plan on breaking Asuka's longest reign of 510 days just to prove to you that I can do every fucking thing that Y/OS/N did!"

Your mother's eyes widen and she says, "Curse one more time in my house and you will never be allowed back in."

You stare at her and say, "Fine. Fuck you, Mom. Fuck you for ever comparing me to Y/OS/N and fuck you for never being proud of me even though I've achieved the same success as she did." You look at your siblings. "Go upstairs and pack a suitcase. I'm taking you two with me."

They nod and run upstairs. You slam your silverware down on the table and you stand up. Your mother says, "That is not how you talk to your mother, Y/N."

You cry, "You have not been my mother since my sister died. Not the way that you've been treating me."

As you walk away, you hear Kyle say, "She's grieving too. She knows that it should have been her too, and she'll carry that with her for the rest of her life. She doesn't need her mother of all people telling her that it should've been her in the plane instead of Y/OS/N. Her sister was her best friend and she lost a lot that day too."

Your sister and brother walk down the stairs and you look at them. Your sister runs to you and hugs you. Your brother hugs you too. You hug them back.

Kyle walks out into the foyer and you look up at him. He says, "Come on. I'll change our flights to tonight and we can be down in Florida by midnight. We'll buy Y/S/N and Y/B/N some clothes when we get back to Orlando."

You nod, leaving the house with Kyle and your siblings.

***

It's right after midnight when you, Kyle, and your siblings get back to the house you share with Kyle.

You moved in with Kyle about six months ago after a year or so of dating. The house is three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, and two floors. You sigh as you walk in the door.

Kyle sets your siblings up in the guest bedrooms as you go and lay in your bedroom. You finally change out of the dress and get into one of Kyle's shirts. You curl into a ball and let out what you've been holding in.

Your face is in your pillow and your makeup is being cried off your face.

The door to the bedroom closes and Kyle sighs, "Your siblings are in bed and they're both all set up in their rooms."

You sit up and look at Kyle. He looks at you and his face falls. He grabs a box of tissues and you say, "I'm a mess, I'm sorry." You take a tissue and wipe your makeup stained tears away.

"You're okay," he says, sitting next to you. "It's okay to cry, Y/N. You don't have to be strong every day, especially after what you have been through."

You crawl over onto Kyle's lap and say, "I feel broken, Kyle. I have since my sister died in that plane crash. I feel like I haven't healed at all."

"Hey," Kyle says. "I promise you that you're not broken, Y/N. You're sad, you're grieving, but you're not broken."

You start to cry softly and say, "I miss her, Kyle. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?"

Kyle says, "Don't say that. Please don't. I need you here. Your sister and your brother need you here. The WWE Universe needs you here. Adam, Roderick, and Bobby need you here. Don't let your mother tell you otherwise."

You look up at Kyle. He wipes your tears away with his thumbs. You say, "I love you, Kyle. I'm so in love with you."

Kyle smiles at you and says, "I love you too, Y/N. I need you here. Selfishly, a part of me is glad you were on that plane because I don't know what I would do without you."

You lean in and press a lingering kiss to his lips. Kyle kisses you back before he pulls back and says, "Marry me."

"Kyle," you say, meeting his eyes.

He says, "I'm serious. Marry me. You can come to my family's house in Canada for holidays, we can spend the rest of our lives doing this. I love you, and I want to start a family with you."

You don't hesitate to nod and say, "Yes. I'll marry you, Kyle."

Kyle smiles and kisses you. You smile into the kiss. You smile for real for the first time in a very long time.

That smile doesn't leave your lips as you lay with Kyle in bed, cuddles up to him. He holds you in his arms and your legs are intertwined with his.

His fingers run through your hair. Your eyes are closed and he says, "I don't have a ring yet, by the way. I didn't even know that I was going to propose until I did."

You giggle and say, "We'll go ring shopping eventually. I just want to lay with you right now."

Kyle shifts a bit and gets comfortable. You smile and begin to doze off.

"Merry Christmas, baby," Kyle whispers. "I forgot to tell you at midnight."

You mumble, "Merry Christmas, Kyle."

Then you fall asleep.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Today in Strongly Worded Opinions (That You Didn't Ask For), I'm going to assert that there are too objective ways to measure whether or not a relationship is strong in story terms – by which I mean, unrelated to whether or not readers/viewers personally like the dynamic or the chemistry of the actors (in such cases as there are actors involved).

So for the sake of clarity, be ye advised: this isn't about shipping, fuck it, ship whatever you want idc.  Shipping a strong relationship isn't inherently better than shipping a weak one – heck, you could just as easily argue that it's the lazier, less creative route.  Also, I don't care?  I don't care, it's just fandom.  Follow your arrow.  This is about ways to discuss whether or not a relationship introduced into a text succeeds or fails as an element of the story – or really as I'm going to prefer calling it, if a given relationship forms a strong or weak story element.

For this I'm presuming that you're creating a relationship between a protagonist and a secondary character introduced as a piece of the protagonist's overall story – protagonist/protagonist relationships aren't really a different situation, but they do have more moving parts, so for simplicity's sake, let's   stick with a Main Character (we'll call that M) and a Significant Other (S for short).  Also, these relationships by no means have to be romantic; any relationship can be measured as weak or strong in story terms.

Also, I'm going to say everything here as though it were factually true, even though it's just my opinion, which is correct, but if you disagree then it's only my opinion, but I am correct.  Ready?  Okay!

Strong relationships have story functions; in reality nothing means anything and people just like each other because they do, but fuck reality, it's a huge narrative mess.  And my basic premise here is that the story function of a strong relationship falls under one (or more, if you wanna get real fancy) of these three categories:

The relationship can unlock under-explored elements of M's story or character through mirroring or intimacy (often shows up as “friends to lovers”).  There is backstory that hasn't been unearthed yet, or some reaction or experience in M's life that could advance the story, and S can serve as a means to get at it.  Maybe M and S share a similar trauma or life story; maybe S is the first person M feels able to open up to about something profound and relevant.  Maybe part of M's story is a conflict between how they seem to others and how they see themselves or their own potential; maybe S is the person who sees them the way they see themselves...or sees M as the person they're afraid they'll never be.  The story goal being met here is giving M a boost toward successful completion of their story arc, so even though there could be conflict, S is fundamentally pulling on the same side as M in the major story conflicts, in such a way that by the end, the reader should feel like M's success is at least in part because of what they gain from their relationship with S.

The relationship can function as a piece of the story's overall conflict, or as a secondary subplot conflict (often shows up as “enemies to lovers”). Traditional romance novel plotting effectively slots the love interest into the role of “antagonist,” because the romance's conflict is generally driven by people not getting what they want from each other until certain win conditions are met.  In this kind of relationship, M and S might be actual-facts competitors, or be divided by ideological concerns, or they might be forced into proximity by the plot but clash on some personality level.  The arc of this relationship is typically going to be about the M softening up as the relationship develops – if M starts out ruthlessly single-minded, maybe realizing that they're running roughshod over S in the process is part of their character breakthrough; if the story is about M realizing that they've underestimated the complexity of the world around them, maybe coming to recognize S as an equal is how that gets concretized for the reader.  Basically this is a story where S presents a problem that M has to solve, and the more central to the narrative solving that problem is, the stronger the relationship is.

The relationship can serve to divide M's goals (often shows up as “love versus duty”).  This is a story where M has to accomplish two separate things in order to fulfill their arc, but those two things aren't easily integrated. One of M's goals might be fulfilling a vow, or filial duty, or seeking revenge, and the other goal is some form of protecting or obtaining S.  If the story puts M in a position of having to choose, then the relationship is inherently strong; it's providing narrative drive, whether or not S is especially well-developed as an individual character.  This one can be tricky, because a very weak relationship can serve a superficially similar purpose, by demonstrating M's devotion to duty or obsessive pursuit of whatever when M rebuffs S to keep them out of harm's way or to avoid distraction or whatever. The difference is that in those superficial cases, the audience is meant to recognize that aw, that's sad, M has really had to Make Sacrifices – but there's really no dramatic tension involved; we know all along that M is going to Make Sacrifices in purusit of the real goal.  When this is done seriously with a strong relationship, the audience is meant to feel divided as well; Romeo and Juliet just doesn't work as a story unless the audience likes Juliet and Mercutio, unless they fully identify with the dilemma that Romeo is in when he has to either avenge Mercutio's death or spare Tybalt for Juliet's sake and the sake of their future together. That's a big fucking story moment, and it only works because the audience buys both relationships – Romeo's with Mercutio and with Juliet – as narratively strong, to the point where Romeo's choice is not a forgone conclusion.  This one is much easier to get wrong, I think, than the other two are!

What I'm saying here is that a strong relationship isn't really determined by how personally compatible two characters seem to be; a lot of movies that fridge a character's wife, for example, rely on actors convincingly portraying, in a brief window of time, two compatible people who care for each other – I'm thinking of, like, Richard Kimble and his wife in The Fugitive, who I think do sell the idea of a loving and happy marriage, but the relationship itself is a weak one.  The story only really needs the bare fact of it – “Kimble had a wife that he loved and then this happened” – to kick off the actual story; the relationship between Kimble and Gerard is a stronger one narratively, because much of the emotional tension of the movie, what makes it more effective than just a series of chase scenes, is the way their mutual respect evolves as they compete against each other, and the story question of “Kimble really needs an ally, is this the right person for him to trust?”  It's such a strong relationship that it comes as a huge relief of tension when he does make that gesture of trust and it turns out to be the right choice.  The audience is happy that Kimble will be exonerated, but the audience is equally happy that the conflict between these two charcters is over – we didn't like them being at odds because we didn't want either of them to lose!  Now, would these two people ever be close friends, let alone come to love each other?  No? Yes? Who cares?  Kimble loves his wife more, but has a stronger relationship in this story with Gerard. From a writing perspective, it's trivially easy to introduce an S and say “M loves this person,” but it means relatively little.  It's harder to introduce an S and say “some part of this story now hinges on how M navigates knowing this person,” but that's kind of what has to happen in order to create a payoff that's worth the effort.  A strong relationship provides skeletal structure for the story; it can't be stitched on at the margins.

This is an even tougher sell in something like a television series, where the introduction of S may come in well after the story is underway and the bulk of M's characterization is already in place.  That's why introducing a late-season love interest is a notoriously dodgy proposition!  To demonstrate weak vs strong relationship in action, I'm going to take an example of what I think was a failed attempt and pitch some ways to doctor it up into a strong relationship: Sam Winchester and Eileen Leahy.

This is objectively a weak relationship.  She doesn't materially affect the metaplot of the series, or drive any major choices, or reveal anything about Sam's character.  She's just, you know, generally nice and attractive and Sam likes her, which is a fine start, but then the writers just leave her idling in the garage forever.  But it didn't have to be that way! Say we wanted to make it a Type 1 relationship: super easy, barely an inconvenience!  Eileen is very like Sam, actually, in that she lost her parents as an infant and then had the entire rest of her life shaped by the trauma and the pursuit of revenge.  That's amazing.  How many other people, even hunters, share that specific experience with Sam Winchester?  Sam was physically changed by drinking demon blood in infancy; Eileen was physically changed by being deafened by the banshee or whatever it was in infancy.  Even just allowing them to talk about that would have made the relationship stronger.  Sam is affected by the fact that there is no Before Time for him; even now that they've long since had their revenge on ol' Yellow Eyes himself, he grapples with the fact that he's forever robbed of any memories of innocence or safety or a life that wasn't lived in the shadow of this killing.  Eileen also has had her life's quest for revenge fulfilled, and also has to reckon with the fact that it doesn't actually give her access to the innocence that was stolen from her.  Maybe she struggles with that.  Maybe Sam can open up to her because she knows what it's like to look back on your child self and feel that however strong you've made yourself, you're never strong enough to protect that child.

What if you want to write something spicier than Sam and Eileen talking about their sad feelings?  Okay, let's take a Type 2 story.  Eileen has been a lone hunter with a disability all her life; it's fair to guess that even if she can't match Sam's physical strength, the fact that she's survived at all means that she's pretty indomitable.  Maybe she's had to be ruthless, even brutal in her hunting style; maybe she has a shoot-first-ask-questions-never approach to hunting that she credits with her very survival, but that Sam finds excessively rash and bloody.  Maybe they fight about it.  Have her kill some ambiguous, maybe-not-dangerous monstery types, a werewolf or something, and Sam's like, hey, we really can't just-- and Eileen is like, look, I hunt how I hunt, come with me or don't.  I mean, this is a retread in some ways of early season conflicts about who to kill and when, but everything in the latter seasons is a retread anyway, so whatever, and it provides something interesting to have Sam deal with this whiplash of how there seem to be two Eileens, the smiley, jocular sweetheart who eats pancakes with him and the one who kills like she's swatting flies.  What if he wants one but not the other?  It doesn't really work that way, does it?  Is this something he can dismiss as a foible, or is this a dealbreaker? The dude is almost forty, if he distances himself from Eileen, how many more hunters does he think he has a chance to meet and marry?  If she won't even listen to his concerns seriously, is it really a good relationship anyway, or will Sam's needs always end up taking a backseat to Eileen's?

A Type 3 fix could just come down quite plainly to, what if Eileen is ready to retire?  She's had her revenge.  She's lived her life on the hunt.  Maybe she's done, and maybe she wants Sam to be done with her.  Doing this in season 15 would circle Sam back to his season 1 story conflicts in a nice way, I think – why does Sam do this at all, if it's not for revenge any longer?  Does he feel personally responsible for every dead person he could've saved but didn't – is that a reasonable boundary, or lack thereof, to set?  Is a compromise possible – could he continue to coordinate hunts while also getting out of the field and starting a family, or is that still putting his family in the shadow of too much violence and danger to tolerate?  What's Dean going to say?  He's pitched a fit in the past when Sam said he wanted out, but he's mellowed with age, hasn't he?  Maybe he'll get it now?  But maybe Sam also feels guilty and fearful, because he knows Dean will hunt without him, so now he's in more danger because of Sam's choices, if Sam makes this choice.  It's a little heteronormative, as story conflicts go, but it's thematically appropriate to Supernatural, and the fact that Eileen isn't speaking out of timidity but out of the same weariness that Sam has so often felt about the whole endless cycle makes it feel a little less “the little lady won't let me go on adventures anymore.”  This might not be my pick of the three, but the point is that it makes for a strong conflict, a legitimate divided loyalty for Sam to wrestle with, and one that doesn't have a clear right answer.

Anyway, hopefully that helps illustrate what I mean when I say that the narrative strength of a relationship doesn't have anything to do with how likeable an S character is – Eileen is very likeable! But that doesn't substitute for building her into the fabric of the story in some way.  My expectation is that a serious protagonist relationship should bend the story arc in a way that requires response, and if it doesn't, I don't take that relationship particularly seriously.  Canon can declare a relationship real by fiat, but it can't automatically declare a relationship meaningful without, you know, making meaning of it.

Oh, and there's not anything really wrong with weak relationships – most M's are going to have several in the story.  My point is just that the difference between a weak relationship and a strong one isn't really a matter of taste or preference, but has a functional meaning that can be tested and measured, and if there's argument to be had about it, the argument can take place on evidentiary grounds.  Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[sheliesshattered]

This Isn’t A Ghost Story extras for Chapter 8: The Temple

The eighth and final chapter of This Isn’t A Ghost Story has been posted! You can find it here on AO3 and here on Tumblr. Below the cut are extras for this chapter and a few things for the story over all. I’ve had such fun writing this fic, and hope you’ve all enjoyed reading it and following along with the writing process here too!

Like the previous chapter, chapter 8 is named for the location where it takes place, in this case the Mortuary Temple of Hatshepsut, which is near the Valley of the Kings, Thebes, and modern Luxor, on the west bank of the Nile.

As mentioned in both this chapter and previous chapters, several sections of the temple have stars painted on a blue background on the ceilings:

The ‘towering statue’ Clara comments on is one of a line of statues depicting the pharaoh Hatshepsut as the god Osiris, only a few of which are still standing:

Here’s a short video showing both the exterior and interior of the temple from earlier this year.

I came across the Temple of Hatshepsut fairly early in my writing process, when I was looking into what archaeological dig sites were active in the 1910s and 1920s. This photo from the late 1920s shows the continuing work going on in the area (that’s the Temple at the back left), and served as part of the inspiration for Clara’s memory of finding the Doctor at a dig site in Thebes in 1921:

About a month into writing This Isn’t A Ghost Story, I was grappling with the detail of Clara’s wedding ring, based on the poll results you guys gave me. I had been toying with going with an emerald for her ring, since emeralds have some interesting ties to ancient Egypt, but I also really wanted to go the route of a TARDIS-blue sapphire, and in particular a star sapphire really appealed to me, for its look and its symbolism. The results of that little impromptu poll clearly pointed to a star sapphire -- but also suggested I tie it into the world-building somehow.

Those two elements came together in my head rather abruptly when I remembered the star ceiling at the Temple of Hatshepsut, and after digging into the history of Hatshepsut, I realized it worked almost too well. On 28 June this final epilogue chapter sprang into being in basically the form you see it in here, baring a few edits I’ve made to it in the three months (!!) since then.

As the Doctor says in this chapter, the Temple was designed and overseen by Hatshepsut’s head advisor Senenmut, and many modern Egyptologists do in fact believe that the two may have been lovers during Hatshepsut’s time as pharaoh. While there are many stylized statues of Senenmut (including a few of him with Hatshepsut’s daughter, to whom he served as primary tutor), archaeologists have also found ostracons, chips of limestone that ancient artists used as throw-away sketching surfaces, that depict Senenmut in what he more likely looked like in life:

Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees this resemblance: 

And then there’s Hatshepsut herself, who is depicted in numerous different ways throughout art and statuary, sometimes shown as more typically male in her role as pharaoh, but more often shown in what Egyptologists believe she looked like in life -- large eyes, full cheeks, and a small chin:

I mean:

Once my brain made that connection, I really couldn’t let it go.

I had originally planned to end the story with the sequence in the Cairo museum that eventually became chapter 7, but the connection between Clara and the Doctor and the real historical Hatshepsut and Senenmut -- with the added parallel of Senenmut as tutor and guardian of Hatshepsut’s daughter corresponding to the Doctor watching over Margot in Ghost Story, even -- was just too good to pass up. 

Senenmut’s tomb is as the Doctor described it, with the oldest known astronomical ceiling of any tomb or temple in Egypt:

His tomb is very near to the Mortuary Temple of Hatshepsut, and tunnels into the cliffside such that it is extremely close to Hatshepsut’s own tomb, which is entered from the Valley of the Kings, on other side of that mountainous area. This has only further fueled speculation that the two were very much in love -- as pharaoh, Hatshepsut had to have her tomb built in the Valley of the Kings, and as a commoner Senenmut couldn’t be buried there. But they could design their tombs such that they would be as close as possible to each other, even if the entrances are miles apart.

Part of my goal with this final chapter was to give a hint at a larger story that this version of Clara and the Doctor are just a part of. I left the possibility that they had once been Hatshepsut and Senenmut intentionally open-ended, so the reader can make their own decision. They might have been, they might not have been, but in the end what matters is that they are together and in love now. 

Similarly I also wanted to make allusions to both Doctor Who canon -- Senenmut as an ancient astronomer, and Clara’s comments about travelling the stars together in their next life -- as well as the wide variety of fanfiction that exists for this ship. In a way there are thousands of versions of them scattered about out there, finding each other and falling in love over and over again. This Isn’t A Ghost Story doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it’s part of a much larger multi-layered story that is constantly being told and re-told. And in many ways, that’s what I love best about fanfiction versus any other genre of fiction.

The process of writing this story has been so interesting and rewarding, frustrating at times and huge amounts of fun at other points. With this final chapter posted, This Isn’t A Ghost Story is officially the first multi-chapter, non-series fanfic I have ever actually finished, in more than a decade of posting fanfiction online. This is the first time I’ve made myself wait to start posting a story until it’s nearly complete, and I documented more about my process thoughts here on Tumblr than I have for anything I’ve written previously.

It has been a fantastic nearly four month journey, and so much of that is down to the lovely interactions with those of you reading, both here and over on AO3. From the early interest many of you expressed way back at the beginning of June, to the comments and cheerleading on my #process thoughts posts throughout the summer, to all the many wonderful and humbling comments on the story on AO3, I could not have made this journey without you guys. With what a strange, stressful, and often depressing year 2020 has been, I know that when I look back on this year, this is what I’m going to remember the best, taking this journey along with all of you.

And on that note -- do any of you have any questions about Ghost Story? Anything about the writing process or the world building or really anything at all, I am more than happy to answer in as much detail as you like. Feel free to ask here, or on AO3, or use my Tumblr askbox, now or at any point in the future. ❤️

@tounknowndestinations​ had asked about the timeline I worked out for the entire story, that I’ve been keeping under wraps for fear of spoilers. Originally this started as just a way to keep straight how many years had passed -- ‘do I say eighty-six years here, or eighty-seven??’ etc -- but eventually ballooned from there to cover the entire narrative, and even some of the timeline that is only hinted at in places. This is its final form in my working googledoc:

1875: the Doctor is born

1885: the House is built

February 1899: Clara the 1st is born

13 May 1921: the Doctor and Clara the 1st meet in Cairo, she is 22, he is 46

12 May 1923: the Doctor and Clara the 1st marry in Glasgow, she is 24, he is 48

June 1925: Clara and the Doctor return from Egypt

August 1925: purchase of the House

23 Nov 1927: the Doctor dies, age 52

21 August 1928: Margot is born

23 Nov 1928: Clara the 1st dies, age 29

8 April 1956: Ellie is born. Margot is 27

23 Nov 1986: Clara is born. Ellie is 30

1991: at 5 years old, Clara tells Ellie and Margot about the ghost 

September 2000: Ellie dies of cancer, age 44. Clara is not quite 14

January 2010: Dave Oswald dies of a heart attack, age 56. Clara is 23

October 2014: Margot dies, age 86, leaving her house to Clara, who is nearly 28 

16 Nov 2014: Clara has the nightmare that begins to unlock her past life memories

13 May 2021: Clara and the Doctor return to Cairo to mark 100 years since they met, the Doctor is restored to life

18 May 2021: Clara and the Doctor visit the Temple of Hatshepsut, which leads Clara to wonder if perhaps they have met and fallen in love before

Thank you so much to all of you who have followed along during the writing process, to everyone who has reblogged chapter posts here and commented on AO3, and everyone who has cheered me on during the past four months. You have made writing this such a joy, and I cannot wait to share my next project with you. ❤️